#On top of that there are things that trigger my anxiety and cause me to be Very Afraid; Every Time

[p0tat0-g0ddess]

I've been thinking a lot about fear off and on over the last week and. Hmm.

[onlyswan]

summary: in which jungkook’s new lip piercing makes you want to cry, and he can’t live without you.

> established relationship, fluff / word count: 1.4k

> warnings: mention of or*l (f. receiving)

> in which masterlist!

note: heh surprise :D my impulsive, jungkook lover brain couldn’t resist so here’s a little something 🥲

—

“why are you looking at me like that?” jungkook nervously asks as the excited beam lighting him up gradually fades. “do you not like it?”

you remain speechless with an unreadable expression written on your face. dumbly staring at the lower right corner of his lips, it is adorned with yet another piercing that makes your boyfriend appear more enchantingly attractive in your eyes — which are, by the way, currently blurry and dazed. your brain is still fuzzy around the edges, short circuiting the longer you observe the silver stud.

it infuriates you, almost, how he still manages to effortlessly drive you crazier for him five years later.

it’s extremely rare for you to fall asleep before 10pm, and to be frank, you hate him for waking you up because you know you won’t be able to go back to sleep until 3am no matter how tired you are. and you’re still not quite certain if you’ve already registered that your consciousness has been rudely pulled back into reality; because then again, you’ve always been obsessed with his lip ring, maybe unhealthily so, and it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that you’d dream of him surprising you with a new piercing just beside it.

however, there is a particular reason that holds you back from strongly wishing for that to come true.

“but you loved the ring, even the eyebrow ones… did i pick an ugly placement this time?” he wonders out loud with a frown, confused that his surprise didn’t receive the type of reaction he expected.

when he tries hard enough, he can picture them vivid enough to draw from memory… your eyes glittering with awe and adoration each time he presented himself with a new piercing or tattoo. you, showering him with love and praises that erased every ounce of anxiety he had about his life-altering decisions that usually came in the aftermath. what others would call impulsiveness, you named his fearless self-expression.

“ow- ouch- baby! what the hell? what was that for?”

with doe eyes struck by headlights, he gapes at you in surprise as he rubs his poor shoulder that was slapped without warning.

“why did you get it there? we’re not allowed to make out again until it’s healed!” you pettily complain with a drawn-out whine, knees bumping against his thighs as you bounce your crossed legs in bitter vexation.

“oh, shit.”

in real time, you witness the realization comically dawn on jungkook’s face, flabbergasted that in the thick haze of his excitement, he forgot about this excruciating restriction during the extended healing process. in his defense, it’s been forever since he got his first lip piercing.

oh, he’s in so much trouble.

he stares back at you, frozen and unblinking as he slowly speaks with a guilty wince. “ahh, you’re right… i must be out of my mind… i can’t eat you out, too… fuck, how did i survive this back then?”

the genuine innocence lacing his voice only fuels your urge to curl into a ball and cry in frustration. yearning for his touch while he’s not physically present is one thing, but this is much, much worse.

“stop talking.” you glare at him, angry eyebrows contrasting the puffiness of your face caused by sleep.

“you’re so adorable.” the endearing sight elicits a breathy chuckle from him, followed by a small whimper triggered by the pain that spreads on the lower part of his face immediately after. he brushes it off without care, muttering quietly- “come here.”

he carefully guides you to sit on his lap, sinking further into the soft mattress with your weight added on top of him. and for tonight, you allow him to manhandle you as he likes, not having the energy to jokingly pretend to argue with him. you wrap your arms around his neck to pull yourself closer to him, only realizing how much you’ve missed him now that you’re skin-to-skin.

“don’t be upset, baby. i’m sorry.” he sweetly coaxes you into a better mood. “i will make it up to you after. i promise. i always do, right?”

with drowsy eyes still trained on the new jewelry that shines from the light of the night lamp, you sniffle and pout at him.

“and we can still do this, remember?”

the world becomes still and quiet, and the oxygen gets trapped in your lungs when jungkook holds your face in between his warm hands, crossing the short distance between you. your eyelids slowly flutter shut, lashes kissing your cheeks as his lips softly brush against yours. languid and tender, slightly sticky from your sleeping mask that smells like candy. he ends the blissful moment too soon with a gentle pucker of his lips, leaving you with a simple peck that will haunt your mind for the weeks to come, as if you’re a teenager who just had their first kiss in the middle of the dance floor.

“hmm, see, baby? not bad?” he says quietly, pads of his thumbs tenderly stroking the apple of your cheeks.

jungkook is too persuasive for his own good. the memories of you suffering last time are clouded with the new sweet memory he just orchestrated, and you’re almost convinced that it truly might not be that bad after all.

“but we need to be veeery careful like that for now, understand? so it’ll stop hurting and heal fast.”

and just like that, you’re a little more awake.

“does it hurt a lot? did you bleed a lot?”

hearing him say that he’s in pain made you worriedly react within a split second. his heart melts, and then breaks into two as he gathers all the self-control in his body not to pepper your face with kisses like he usually does.

“the piercer was good and quick, i didn’t feel a thing. but i’m definitely feeling something now.” he shakes his head, uttering the last sentence humorously.

“of course, it hurts now. you won’t stop moving… let me see.” you scold him with a roll of your eyes, slightly turning his head by the back of his ear to have a better view of the swollen flesh around the piercing.

“how is it doing?” he inquires after a few beats, curious and impatient with your silence.

and that’s when he sees that look on your face, the glittering eyes he was anticipating to meet since he finished his appointment the morning before. you grin from ear to ear, scrunching your nose cutely before giggles bubble from your chest. sheepish with your transparent delight, you hide your face in the crook of his neck, tickling him with your every exhale.

“my boyfriend is so cool, and so handsome. i’m so lucky and proud.”

that’s him. that could only be him.

jungkook, despite being elated by the compliments, can only muster a small shy smile. he carresses your hair lovingly, securing his tattooed arm around you as you threaten to slip off from his lap.

“really?”

“hm, i like it. so much…” you hum, planting a chaste kiss to the sensitive spot on his neck. “you’re always putting me through this, making me want to kiss you more all the time. this is so unfair.”

“baby, please. behave for me?” he mutters, squeezing his eyes shut as if he’s in unmaginable pain. in his dramatic mind, currently flooded with love chemicals, he is. “if you keep talking like that, i will really end up risking an infection.”

you lift up your head to show him a grimace of disgust. “ew, pull it together. i wouldn’t want to kiss you with that.”

“tsk, you’re such a brat.” he calls you out with a pointed look, lightly smacking your thigh, revealed by your shorts that has further ridden up, before kneading the soft flesh under his large palm to soothe it.

you teasingly stick out your tongue in response, breaking out into laughter. and not so subtly, you squeeze your thighs together, grasping his wrist in a futile attempt to control the frenzied butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“have you cleaned it?”

“not yet.”

“then let’s do it. i’ll help you.” you climb off his lap as you eagerly tug at his arm, planting your feet firmly on the ground. “love, hurry- hurry. i want to see it in better lighting.”

exhausted after an eventful day, jungkook limply flops down, occupying the side of the bed that you’ve kindly warmed up. “you can go ahead. i’ll follow you after five minutes.”

“ugh, no, you won’t. you’ll fall asleep if you keep your eyes closed for another thirty seconds, and then i’ll have to wake you up.”

he pops one eye open, and then another, meeting your affectionate gaze with a silly grin because damn, you know him so well.

“i love you… don’t ever leave me. i think i’d seriously die without you.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[snapscube]

your food allergy and trigger metaphor is incredibly apt not just from your perspective but also from mine because it made me realize that the emotion when I'm told a lemonade has pineapple in it is the same emotion as when a comedy show has an incredibly upsetting murder in the first episode. and that emotion is ".................. why?" But yes. I do agree with you that ppl should assume you're smart enough to know that the japanese detective game from 2000 might have triggers in it. It's like when ppl tell me not to drink something with the word TROPICAL on it in neon. Like yeah thanks I knew that from the everything about it.

LOL yeah like, I enjoy going into games I play completely blind. But completely blind does not equal "completely without context" yknow? Like I am absolutely capable of formulating my own expectations towards something I'm about to experience just based off of either the meta info about that series (release date, studio, target audience, etc) or even just cultural osmosis. And even more importantly, I am also very capable of processing when a piece of media DEFIES those meta expectations, positively or negatively! In fact, some might say that I actually really value the experience of determining why something might put me through that experience at all and that's not something I can fully determine for myself if I'm going in with colored expectations haha.

And like... in my case specifically it's a little bit of bonus frustration cause I straight up like... don't really have triggers when I watch/play/read/etc something? Literally I can think of ONE experience off the top of my head as an adult where I had to go out of my way to pause something I was watching because it triggered an anxiety attack. It was Midnight Mass, and I still came out the other side of that experience LOVING it. Plus, it was literally such a specific and nuanced thing I don't think anyone would have even thought to warn me about LOL like I'm not getting any messages that say "hey penny just so you know this show you're about to watch has a moment that depicts a very particular form of hysteria in the middle of a church building that calls back to a few specific memories you have of your Pentecostal upbringing"

Anyway all this to say... I'M GOOD! You are correct. I do not think that media falls out of a coconut tree.

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Hi! First of all, love your work so much! Can you write something with actress reader and Cal, and the cast doing like a panel, and the reader being really anxious and starting to have a panic attack during it, and Cal helping her through the whole thing? Thank you so much!

Co-Stars pt.11

Callum Turner X Actress! Reader

Summary: Y/n has a panic attack, Callum, the good boyfriend that he is, helps her.

Warning: Anxiety/ panic attack/ crying/ mention of concentration camp/

Word count: 600 words

That day, she woke up anxious, she didn’t know what caused it, but when Y/n woke up that morning 100% sure she would have a panic attack that day. She’d been overthinking all day and even now. She was on stage with her co-stars, they were discussing an upcoming scene which was going to be hard on her. Her and Nate Mann had to walk in a concentration camp and see the horrors that happened there.

‘’While Rosie is just walking around, Rose is going to follow him, but she’s going to have a huge emotional reaction, I’m talking screaming and crying and maybe throwing up, depends on what you’re comfortable, we’re going to talk about it after the five-minute break’’ Tom Hanks says, looking at the two actors. Everyone got up and left the room for the break. Y/n didn’t feel good, her anxiety was through the roof. Callum walked up to her with two cups of tea in his hands.

‘’Here’s my favorite person, I brought you tea, I’m excited for your scene, are you?’’ he smiled as he handed one of the cups to her. That was enough to trigger the panic attack she repressed all day. The words were stuck in her throat, her breathing quickened, and tears started to fall down her eyes. Callum put the cups down and immediately hugged her. ‘’Hey, shush… It’s okay’’ he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. She tried to talk, but it was impossible, and it made her panic even more. Sound came out of her mouth, to Callum, it was a cry for help. He felt so useless, so he kept hugging her and tried to reassure her the best he could. She started to feel dizzy, the lack of oxygen made the room spin. Y/n tried to calm her breathing, but she just felt buried with anxiety, and she felt like she was going to drown. He kept caressing her hair and doing everything he could do to try and calm her down. ‘’You’re okay, Y/n, name me five things you can see’’ he said.

She looked around the room, her hands were shaking, but she took deep breaths and tried to speak again. ‘’You, uh, the walls’’ she began. Callum encouraged her and she kept looking around. ‘’The cups of tea, Austin and the posters’’ she finished. ‘’Four things you can touch’’ he continued. ‘’Your hands, my cloths, the wall and your cloths’’ she breathed out. ‘’3 things you can hear’’ My heartbeat, your voice and mine’’ She smiled. ‘’2 things you can smell’’ he smiled back. ‘’Your cologne and the humidity in the hallway’’ she sniffed. ‘’One thing you can taste’’ he leaned in to kiss her. When they stopped, she smiled. ‘’The tea you just drank’’ she laughed softly. ‘’You feel better?’’ he asked. She nodded.

‘’Thank you for helping me’’ she smiled. ‘’It’s my duty as your boyfriend’’ he hugged her. ‘’Still, thank you Callum’’ she looked in his eyes. They quickly kissed as Tom Hanks announced that the break is over. She walks back into the room, and this time, she’s calmer, thanks to her boyfriend.

[sturniolopepsi]

‘tis the season…for seasonal depression (C.S)

cw: talks seasonal depression/anxiety/ED (LIGHTLY) (read at own risk please!) use of y/n ¿ANGST i think¿

req: no i was listening to “Can’t catch me now” by Olivia Rodrigo and we got here. enjoy!

A/N: please don’t read if your triggered by the topic! your mental health is more important and this fic will always be here to come back to when you’re in a better headspace love! MY DM’S ARE ALWAYS OPEN!

~what i write is completely fictional, these are just ideas in my head. i understand the people i write about do not and may not act like this in these situations ITS FICTIONAL BABES!~

NOT PROOF READ. AND JUST A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS

***

y/n’s phone buzzes on the night stand, she debates answering it but taking the covers off her head to face the world around her seems to be to big of a daunting task at the moment. it buzzes again but she chooses to ignore it, snuggling deeper in her safe place under the covers.

she hasn’t actually spoken to anyone in about two days… but this depression episode started about a week ago, y/n slowly started to drift away. her boyfriend and his brothers busy with meetings and their lives hardly noticing her absence.

***

the triplets getting home from their meeting, chris tries calling and texting y/n. with no successful attempts he goes downstairs into the kitchen where his brothers are sitting planning the next wednesday baking video.

“has anyone heard from y/n?” chris asks his brothers both of them having a confused look on their faces. “no actually not for a few days.” matt responds, “not since the day we brought her mcdonalds. which was monday i think” it was now Thursday. “last time i heard from her was tuesday she put a short response in the girls group chat but that was itttt.” nick adds now matching chris’ horrified expression.

chris knew of her seasonal depression but it only being november he didn’t expect it to hit this early and this fast. “yeah, i didn’t get to message her yesterday i passed out before i could” he starts walking out of the kitchen. the boys could hear his voice breaking knowing he’s blaming this all on himself. before chris knows it he has his beanie on and shoes on.

“chris, where are you going?” nick asks standing in the hallway looking out towards the door. matt starts to grab his keys knowing his brother is about to ask for a ride to y/n’s house.

“too her”

chris opens the door disappearing out into the cold winter boston night.

***

hearing the front door open and closing downstairs startles the poor girl awake. before the panic attack can start she hears his voice. “y/n where are you?” she would answer him. but she doesn’t want him to see her like this. so if she pretends she’s not here maybe he will think she’s at her parents house. though, knowing him he’d try there too if he didn’t find her here. causing her parents to then worry about her whereabouts and well being as well as chris. she hears his footsteps coming up the stairs.

“in here chris… i’m okay just not feeling good i wouldn’t come in” her voice cracking after not being used in a while. she hears his pace picking up over the stairs and a little knock on the bedroom door before he slowly opening it to the dark room. seeing her poke her head out of the covers tears instantly threatening to fall at the sight of him “i’m sorry” her voice breaks. “oh baby” is all he can whisper walking over to the edge of her bed.

that’s when the tears start, she can’t control them and she doesn’t even know why she’s crying every doubt every fear RUNNING to her head at once. he climbs in bed with her instantly pulling her into his arms. whispering, “i’m sorry baby… it’s okay… shhh… i’m here… i’m here pretty girl… you’re not alone anymore…” softly kissing her on the top of the head. her face shoved into his chest and her body rattling with each sob, which only makes him hold her a little closer and keep whispering sweet things to her.

after some time she calms, chris still holding her as close as before. “i’m sorry… i’m so sorry chris” she states again her voice stuffy from the crying. “don’t apologize, pretty girl. don’t ever apologize for this.” she looks towards him, her face red from the crying, her eyes soft and tired, hair a mess from being in her bed. that’s when he hears her stomach growl. “baby when was the last time you had something to eat?” he asks looking at her, her face going from this soft sad to a confused state. the fact she’s trying to remember when her last meal was let’s chris know it’s been to long. “umm mcdonald’s, with you” she responds. his face drops… “y/n… that was monday night kid, it’s thursday.” her face looks confused clearly not realizing what day it was. “oh my sweet girl… am i able to go and get you a bath ready or a shower depending on what one you feel comfortable with. if you want i’ll call matt once you’re done he can come get us we can get something to eat, stop and get some snacks, and you come back to our house? i want you to be close to me so i can make sure you’re okay” he understands that he can’t just 1. force her to leave her bed if she’s not ready yet hence why he asked if she was comfortable with that. and 2. he knows he can’t just tell her everything will be okay and she will be perfect and happy again. he knows depression works on its own time but, at least if she’s with him he will be able to keep an eye on her.

she slowly nods processing the information and making her decision. she also really doesn’t want to be alone so, it seems like a good idea. “yeah. that sounds okay… just will you sit in the bathroom with me please?” laying her head back down on his chest seeming silly asking him if that request. “of course. anything you need sweetheart. you just tell me when you’re ready to get up okay?” giving her a light squeeze kissing the top of her head once more.

“we will get through this y/n… no matter when, no matter where… i love you.”

“i know… i love you too chris”

A/N: IM SOBBING IM SO SORRY

[writers-requiem]

Title: Confession

Pairing: Hank McCoy x Reader

Genre: Romantic fluff

TW: None.

Summary: You finally work up the courage to tell your crush how you feel.

Request: No

A/N: This takes place in my own little AU where they found and brought back Charles. Just for context. Also, things get a little spicy, but not NSFW.

Okay, let's take it back to where it started.

About two years ago, you had joined the X-Men. Yes, you, a non-mutant.

They had repeatedly tried to convince you not to, but the professor saw a great potential in you that need only manifest with the right trigger.

Regardless, you went on a myriad of missions while paired with some of the other X-Men; Cyclops, Gambit, Ice Man, Rouge, Jean Gray, Wolverine, Colossus, Shadow Cat, and most notably, our focus for this story, Beast. In other words, your crush, Dr. Hank McCoy.

Whenever it was you two on missions, you felt unbeatable, yet at the same time, exceptionally worried. Of course you were worried about your other teammates. But when it was you and Hank, your anxiety hit an all-time high. This caused you to slip up at times and even get hit yourself. That of course made Hank upset. But when you were conscious when that happened, you saw him unleash an almost primal rage on the enemy, namely the MRD soldiers that showed no remorse for what they did to you.

There were a couple times when the MRD captured you and tortured you for info on the professor and the X-Men. You didn't talk and were nearly killed for it. But who came to your rescue? Hank. Alone. No plan, no fancy displays, just bulldozing through the hoard of soldiers and guards. And when he left with you in tow, he carried you bridal style, like a cliche action hero carrying their love interest after a big rescue mission.

But the anxiety of the battlefield and getting kidnapped is easily trounced by the social anxiety you felt when it was just you and Hank in a more laid back situation. Namely when you were in his lab.

No matter how long it had been since you had first developed your crush on him, you still felt insecure about opening up. But you already knew that Charles would've read your mind to find out, but he respected your wishes and kept quiet.

Back to present day however.

You were just sitting in the lab, unsure of what to say or do since he was busy and you didn't feel like interrupting his work. Besides, even if you did want to talk, you couldn't think of what to talk about since you were always so afraid to spend any amount of time with him outside of missions. So you just played with your hair and thumbs somewhat awkwardly. That was until he spoke up.

Hank: "If you have something that you feel must be said, speak it. There's no need to be so shy with me, my friend."

His kind words of encouragement only made you even more nervous than before. You dared not move or speak, fearing that you would say or do something inappropriate.

But he surprises you first by standing up from his desk and then swiftly pulling you close to his chest.

Hank: "I'm not oblivious to your feelings, sweetheart."

He gently caresses your cheek and plants a soft kiss on your lips. An action that you never thought he'd do for you.

In that one moment you felt a storm of emotions take you all at once. Relief, bliss and ecstasy. Finally, after nearly two years, he noticed your feelings, acknowledged them and reciprocated them. You felt whole.

You held each other closer and kissed again. This time it was a longer, deeper, more passionate kiss.

One of his hands held you by the waist and the other on the back of your head, gently caressing it.

His tongue was pushing against yours in a one-sided struggle for dominance. His coming out on top.

Your hands however were too preoccupied feeling up his torso, starting at the waist and going up. First passing his solid six pack abs, then higher before stopping to caress and scratch his rock hard pecs that were still visible underneath his green shirt.

He instinctively and hastily removes his lab coat and pins you to the wall, one arm resting against it and above your head. While the other slid up your torso, only he went inside your shirt.

You could feel his furry hand and the razor sharp claws slid up until stopping at your middle section.

The combination of both of your moans through your kissing filled the room with a hot and heavy atmosphere. You couldn't help yourself and squeezed his pecs hungrily before having them crawl up to scratch his cheeks and mutton chops.

But eventually, you two pulled away from each other to give yourselves some air. Leaving you two gasping and panting, out of breath.

You then shared a quick peck on your lips and hugged each other.

Hank: "I love you."

Y/N: "I love you too, Hank."

End

[fandomfucker]

Poly Judgement Day x reader where reader has an anxiety disorder that acts up randomly one day and they try to calm reader down?

I would like to preface this by saying this is what helps me with my anxiety. Everyone is different and different things help but this is what helps me to calm down. The symptoms and stuff are also based on my own experiences. I hope you enjoy!!

TRIGGER-mentions of an anxiety attack and anxiety symptoms

Word count-1,865

It had started off a glorious Saturday morning. Finally, being able to sleep in after two full weeks of non-stop work or travel. I woke up to the sun streaming in through the cracks in the blinds onto my partners and my shared king beds. We liked to sleep in one bed more often than not so when we all moved into our house together, we decided that the second living room upstairs would be our bedroom and had a door installed in the entryway and two king-sized beds pushed together for room for all five of us to sleep together.

I woke up on my stomach, sprawled across two of my partners like a starfish. My head and right hand rested on Dominik's chest and my legs were off to the other side, resting on Finn's lower thighs and knees. I looked across from me to see Rhea still fast asleep, her head resting on the other side of Dom's chest. Deciding I wanted coffee, I rolled over onto my back, facing Finn, who was awake and on his phone.

"Good morning," He whispered to me trying not to wake the others, his voice still thick with sleep. 

"Mornin'," I smiled sleepily at him, raising my hand to rub at my eyes. I looked around, noticing that we were a member short. "Where's Damian?" I asked whispering, still not wanting to accidentally wake up the other two who were still cuddled up so cute.

"In the kitchen makin' breakfast. Said he'd come get us when it's ready." Finn informed me. I nodded slowly and yawned, causing Finn to laugh lightly at me. I scowled and slapped his chest lightly in mock offense before shifting my position to lay more on him than Dom with my head on his shoulder so I could see his phone.

I watched him scroll through TikTok for the next several minutes, occasionally seeing an edit of one or more of us and liking it before sending it to me so that I'd be able to re-watch it later on my own and repost it. 

“Ooh wait go back,” I whispered to Finn, scrolling back up to the previous video on his feed. It was about a new horror movie coming out. Just then, Damian waltzed into the room wearing nothing but his underwear and a ‘kiss the cook’ apron Rhea had given him as a gift for Christmas last year. 

“Are you not freezing?” I asked him, scrunching up my nose a little as I wrapped my blanket around me a bit tighter, my bottom lip starting to quiver a little. 

Damian just scoffed at me, smiling and shaking his head lightly. “Breakfast is ready downstairs.” He gestured towards Rhea and Dom who were still asleep, “You two go ahead, I’ll wake them up.”

Excitedly, I rolled on top of and over Finn to get off the bed before he even had a chance to move a muscle, taking my fuzzy Halloween cat blanket with me. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Damian’s cheek as I walked past him, muttering a small ‘good morning’ and ‘thank you’ before making my way downstairs.

Damian had already set out a prepared plate for each of us in our usual spots, along with our preferred drink. I bounced over to my spot, gripping my coffee mug with both hands. It was iced coffee, always iced coffee, but I favor the mugs.

I took a long slow sip, savoring the flavors Damian decided to surprise me with this morning. “Strawberry and chocolate?” I asked as I saw him walking into the kitchen/dining room, along with my other three partners in tow.

“Nope,” Damian replied smugly. “Raspberry and white chocolate with a splash of cheesecake.”

Damian and I have a ritual-esque thing where every morning Damian makes me a coffee and I have to guess the flavors in it. It’s all just fun and games and bragging rights but we enjoy it. However, the more weird flavors they come out with the harder it is for me to guess. We had so many of the little syrup bottles at this point we could open our own coffee shop.

“The fuck?” I replied, in both shock and nausea. “Who in their right mind would make a cheesecake coffee syrup flavor? I mean, don’t get me wrong this is delicious but come on people.”

All four of them burst into laughter at me as I grumpily dropped into my seat. Taking the silverware that had been placed next to my plate, I began to cut into the chocolate chip waffles Damian had so graciously made us.

After actually drowning each piece in maple syrup, I shoved several pieces into my mouth at once. I groaned lightly in pleasure at the taste as my partners all smiled in amusement.

“Good (Y/n)?” Dominik asked me, a teasing lilt to his voice. 

“Mmhmm!” I nodded in satisfaction. “Very,” I spoke, my voice muffled by the copious amount of waffle in my mouth, rocking side to side in my seat a little bit in my ‘happy dance’.

Damian smiled at me in thanks as he began to dig in along with the rest of my partners.

After breakfast, the five of us lay lounging around in our living room. The boys were all focused on the TV, watching a tattoo competition show while Rhea scrolled through her mentions on social media and I read a book on my Kindle. I was sat next to Rhea on the couch with my back against the armrest with my thighs on hers, my feet resting in Dominik’s lap next to her. Finn and Damian were cuddled together in the armchair next to the couch.

As I read my book, I noticed that my heart rate had started to pick up and my palms became sweaty. My hands started to get that all-too-familiar tingly feeling that started when my hands would go numb. I cleared my throat, trying to just push past the growing anxiety that had come up out of nowhere.

I tried to submerse myself back into my story but found my thoughts to be too much and too fast to focus. I scooted a bit closer to Rhea, laying my head on her shoulder, hoping to ground myself a little.

My breathing started to become shallower like I was breathing through a straw while someone was sitting on my chest and I felt the all too familiar lump in my throat that made it hard to swallow.

"You okay baby?" Rhea asked me, concern written all over her face as she noticed my signs.

I nodded in response, "Yeah, I just don't feel too good right now."

Dominik frowned and reached over Rhea to put the back of his hand on my forehead to check for a fever. After a few seconds, he turned his attention from my face to the concerned faces of our partners, shaking his head softly to indicate that I didn’t have a fever.

“What doesn’t feel good (Y/n)?” Finn asked me softly, not wanting to scare me from answering.

“I just feel like I c-can’t breathe and my hearts too fast and now I’m starting to feel lightheaded and-” Rhea cut me off before I could finish, pulling my face to the crook of her neck as she stroked my hair. 

I lifted myself up to straddle her hips, getting as close to her as possible, as I stuck my face in her neck. She stroked my hair with one hand and drew circles on my back with the other.

I grabbed Dom’s outstretched hand from beside me and brought it close to my chest, between Rhea and me, as I absentmindedly played with his fingers, tracing the tattoos I knew better than my own.

Finn got up to go get me one of Rhea’s hoodies, knowing her smell would calm me down. The boys would try new colognes all the time but Rhea’s perfume was a constant. And due to her always smelling the same, her scent became a grounding source for me. Having my nose in her neck helped but being fully encapsulated by it was best.

Dominik stroked one of my hands with his thumb as I continued to hold it, bringing his other hand up to brush the hair out of my face. I saw Damian out of the corner of my eye get up and walk over to the bookshelf to grab my coloring book and markers.

Dom removed his hand from my face to reach over and grab the TV remote off of the coffee table. A few seconds later and his hand was stroking my temple as the laughter from my comfort show, Impractical Jokers, played quietly throughout the living room.

Finn came jogging back in with one of Rhea’s Motionless in White hoodies, my favorite of hers to steal. I pulled myself away from Rhea just long enough to slip the hoodie over my head before my face was back in her neck.

“Hey, it’s okay, love. Let’s do your breathing exercise, mhm?” Rhea spoke softly to me, still stroking my hair. 

Damian came back over to ua, sitting himself down on the floor next to Rhea's foot, just below where I was sitting. I heard him set my coloring supplies on the coffee table before feeling his hand on my lower back.

“Breathe in for four. Hold for four. Breathe out for four. Hold for four. Breathe in for four. Hold for four. Breathe out for four. Hold for four.” Rhea coached me as we did my breathing box exercise. It had been something I’d thought stupid when my doctor recommended it but now use on a semi-regular basis.

“Good job, Darling,” Rhea whispered into my ear as I slowly started to pull myself away from her, being able to breathe again. My hands had started to regain feeling again and feel less fuzzy while the lump in my throat grew smaller. I turned myself around on her lap, my back against her front, and folded her arms across my hips like a human lap belt.

Dominik was on the couch next to us while Damien and Finn were both on the floor in front of me. “Can I have my coloring book please?” I whispered to both of the boys in front of me. 

“‘Course, Love,” Finn replied sweetly, handing me the book as he placed the box of markers on the couch next to me against the armrest where I was originally sitting.

I smiled in thanks as I flipped the book open to the last page I’d worked on. As I switched my main focus between the show and my coloring, I took a second to appreciate my wonderful partners.

Rhea’s arms wrapped around me, her thumbs stroking my hip bones while she nuzzled my neck. Dominik next to me who kept one hand stroking my thigh. Damian and Finn in front of me, each massaging one of my feet. 

I’m so incredibly grateful for each of them and wouldn’t have been able to get over my anxiety without them.

[madi-writes-things]

Nobody Pt. 8

(C.Sturniolo X Reader)

Summary:

Chris and Y/N never seemed to get along, but sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places

Word Count: 627

TW: Cursing, SH (not in detail, but it is talked about), Blood, Hurt Comfort, Panic Attack, Crying, Nightmare (basically the scene from chapter six, but Y/N actually dies 😈…), Not Edited

A/N: I promise it will get happier at some point... sorry it’s short, part nine will be longer 🤭

-Madi <3

“”“”“”“”“”

Chris’s POV (possibly triggering content)

I finally manage to bust the door down, the sight before me brings me to my knees.

nononononono…

Y/N is slouched over in a sea of red, is she breathing? Please be breathing…

I finally crawl over to her, pulling her face up towards me. Her glazed over eyes stare past me. “Baby, please don’t do this… don’t be gone… you don’t have to go… please-.” I pull her lifeless body into mine as I beg her to stay… I can’t do this without her. Every time I try to scream for help my voice fails me… so I just sit with her, praying this isn’t real. This can’t be real.

“”“”“”“”“”

My eyes shoot open when I feel someone shaking me gently. "It's ok... just a dream, it's not real."

I hear her voice before I see her face. When I finally register what is happening, it hits me like a truck. My hands quickly find their way to Y/N's face, making sure that the girl on top of me is actually real... she looks into my eyes like I'm some sort of a hurt puppy. I pull her into my chest, whispering sweet nothings into her hair as tears stream down my face. Once my breathing is under control, I readjust us so that we can go back to sleep.

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N's POV

Chris's alarm wakes me up, I quickly throw my hand over to turn it off. When I finally allow my eyes to open I see Chris staring down at me, his arms wound tightly around my waist.

“What?” I giggle out, seeing his heart eyes.

“Nothing… just thinking about how lucky I am to be holding you right now.” I can tell that he means it, but a part of me still refuses to accept that anyone could actually love me… especially after what I’ve done. “What going on in that mind of yours?”

I sit up, trying to decide whether or not to bring it up. He just keeps staring, and I can’t stop myself from opening my mouth. “I know that the nightmares are my fault… you don’t have to lie about it.”

The look in his eyes changes from one of unconditional love into something more like horror. I watch him sputter and try to defend himself, and that’s when it hits me.

“I’m not angry…” His head snaps up to meet my eyes. “I just wish that you felt like you could talk to me.” No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop a few tears from rolling down my cheeks.

“Baby… it’s not that I don’t feel like I can talk to you, I just don’t want you to feel like any of this is your fault.” His hand quickly wipes away a tear, before returning his lap.

I burst into tears. “But it is! There is nobody else to blame. Matt can barely look at me, you are having nightmares multiple times a week… and it’s all my fault!”

“Hey!” I’ve never heard Chris raise his voice like this before. “You don’t get to talk about my girlfriend like that… none of what has happened to you is your fault. You have been dealt a shitty hand in life, but you are trying to make the best of it…”

Chris pulls me into his arms, rubbing my back. “Me, Matt, and Nick all have our own shit going on too… but you didn’t cause any of it. Matt has always struggled with his anxiety, and I’ve always struggled with nightmares and processing the things that I’ve gone through.”

I pull back to look into his eyes. “Do you really mean that?” He just nods, the hearts returning to his eyes.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws @sturniolo-fann @jnkvivi @stasiesturn

@h3arts4harry @slutforsturniolos

[sspextkr]

okay okay

so like I love zombies and I love tbosbas sooo tbosbas characters(I think you only do the guys right? 🤔if so, my fav dude is coryo) x reader in a zombie au :3

🔦 ocean eyes - snowjanus/gn!reader

burning cities and napalm skies one of dr gaul's latest creations– or monstrosities– has broken containment and caused a full blown apocalypse in the capitol. it's been chaos for the past few weeks.. but at least you had them.

trigger warnings: none that i can think of?? just lots of fear and anxiety.

a/n: you're getting the oneshot treatment because i fucking love this idea ( btw i write for everyone but mainly the boys because I am a giant fag). also sejanus is here because :3

it was storming. hard. rain battered down against the roof of the snow's penthouse– what you were now calling home base. the walk was tedious, but it provided safety in many ways.

coriolanus had run out to see if he could find any food.. anywhere. this wasn't his first rodeo, the war from a decade ago acting as a training session for him of some sorts.

you decided to try and get some amount of rest, exhausted by the whole ordeal. the outbreak started a month ago, and you had barely slept a wink since. how you were going was still a mystery.

sejanus wasn't anywhere to be found either, having run off to perform his own errand. being alone for this long caused anxiety to settle in your stomach, sprawling up your throat and squeezing your neck, nearly choking you.

you were curled up on coriolanus' bed, hugging the stuffed dog he had tightly to your chest. it smelled like him– roses and old books, oddly enough. each time the thunder would rip through the clouds above, you'd clutch it a little tighter.

after a good while of drifting in and out of sleep, the door to coriolanus' room opened. your head shot up, and you were met with the comforting sight of sejanus. "just me, babe. you can go back to sleep."

".. wasn't asleep in the first place." you said, laying your head back down. sejanus slipped off his rain soaked jacket and muddy boots before laying down beside you.

"when was the last time you got any sleep..?" you didn't answer, but it told him everything he needed to know. ".. c'mere." nearly effortlessly, he pulled you in closer, draping a leg over your own as he settled your head against his chest. "try. please."

you closed your eyes, pressing your cheek against his chest. the sound of his heartbeat– sturdy and slow– acted as a lullaby, allowing you to drift off.

coriolanus returned home after another hour or so, completely drenched in rain and sweat. what he wouldn't give for a shower. noticing his bedroom door was open, not closed as he had left it, he peaked his head into his room and found his two lovers laying on his bed, supposedly asleep.

as quietly as he could, he stepped into the room, stripping off his own soaked garments and throwing them into a pile on top of sejanus' own.

speak of the devil. "y'find anything?" sejanus asked, voice thick with sleep.

coriolanus shook his head no, pulling his drenched t-shirt off over his head. "not yet.. i'll go out again once the rain clears. how were things here?"

".. they're okay. finally got them to sleep, thank god.. i think this is really starting to get to them."

"it's getting to everyone." coriolanus grabbed a towel off of the back of a chair and began to dry his hair. ".. but i know what you're trying to say."

"just wish there was more i could do.. any news on that cure yet?"

"with dr. gaul having been killed this morning? no." coriolanus laughed sadly, placing the towel down and smoothing out his damp curls with a hand.

sejanus' eyebrows shot straight up. "killed-?"

"shh.." the blond sat down on the bed beside the two of you, leaving you sandwiched in the middle. "it's a long story.. i'll tell you later. why don't you try and get some sleep, too?"

"it's fine.."

"sej," coriolanus continued. "please. just.. a nap or something. for me?"

sejanus glanced at coriolanus before glancing down at you. he gave in, resting his head on his pillow again. coriolanus sighed in what felt like relief before laying down himself, staring up at the ceiling. sejanus reached a hand over you to grab coriolanus', giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"we're gonna make it through this." the brunette spoke.

".. we can only hope. the odds aren't exactly in our favor."

[kingmagnificoofrosas]

They love you - they would do anything for you!

Words mean nothing if there's no action to prove them true!

The whole statement from the "evil book" - mind you- "bound for all eternity, nothing can break or bind the evil" is a capital B big fat lie!

A dear anon has already mentioned this before here on my blog through an ask. The gullibility of Amaya and the rest of the people of rosas almost hurts. Of course an evil book would tell you there is no way to get out of the dark!

Disney isn't the first and only one who has been spreading the message of "True love breaks evey curse and true love overcomes all. And darkness can never be greater than the light."

From the christian perspective, it's more than clear that everything said by the evil book isn't trustworthy as far as salvation goes! Evil isn't stronger than the good and never will be!

It's also intersting to note that the evil force (green evil magic) is potrayed as this shadow entity 👇🏼

Also, why trust the words of something that literally does nothing but evil and harm?

Even if we look at the whole Magnifico situation purely objectively, like my cousins daughter, not through the lense of faith and leaving the knowledge of trauma aside, the "He's a villain now and can't be saved" is utter nonsense!

The first half of the movie we are told and shown Magnifico's true intentions. His ambitions and desires. We saw him being genuine all the way. He's always been honest and kind. He never lied, played or manipultated anyone and even further explained multiple times how he feels and why he does what he does. And then we are shown "the book" the big bad thing that will defenitly do harm and take posession of Magnifico should he use it!

That's the information! If Magnifico uses the book, he will be "controlled" by the evil from this book! This is what even Amaya said! Plain and clear.

Also, geeky side fact to the orgins of the book : Magnifico didn't get the book himself, nor did he built the evil lair where he later on created his staff. From the art book we know that he found both the book and the evil lair during the renovations. [ He's built his castle on top of an already existing building ] That means, Magnifico didn't even go to pursue such a book. He found it and kept it. Cause we already know why - trauma rooted fear, anxiety, paranoia.

If someone is controlled/posessed by something, it's more than clear that the person isn't at fault for the actions done by the evil in them! Just look at the insane difference!

Oh yeah ... I know a posession by evil if I see one. And in this case, we had the facts served on a silver tray. It's not even a guessing game.

The only thing we can hold Magnifico accountable for is the fact he did reach for the book. But then again, we also need to consider WHY he did. Reason - his trauma! He was terrified!

If the book hadn't been there, believe me, this poor man would have had the worst mental breakdown and we would have probably found him huddled together on the ground suffering out his panic attack.

People don't understand the merry go round of thoughts a traumatized person has. And the emotions that come with it. In a situation as intense as Magnifico's we do have a domino effect. Or a wildfire-effect. One tiny spark on dry grass will eventually lead to a big fire. He was already triggered and highly stressed out, and severly traumatized people oftentimes aren't able to make the best decissions - or decissions at all.

If I think about it - if I had suffered a trauma as intense as Magnifico, already more than burdened with anxiety, fear and paranoia, and then something happens that triggers me immensely, I spend an entire night feverishly searching for an answer or solution, no sleep, no food, immense stress…. on top of that, no one in the entire kingdom that truly understands me ... Boy, I'd probably freak out and snap too.

The most support he's gotten during his spiral of misery was a pat to the shoulder. Not one single hug, no truly comforting words, a gentle stroke over his cheek, a kiss, truly loving words. That poor man got nothing!

Btw this is a quote from my cousins daughter. And she told it to my face randomly before I could even say anything! She said "You know, Magnifico isn't bad. The book is. He only wanted to protect everyone but the book made him evil. Bad book!"

And if that wasn't already enough, her younger brother watched the movie as well and then also randomly told me, "Bad book!" Furthermore - I wheezed and cried of laughter, because 1. I didn't expect this and 2. it was absolutely brilliant! - The daughter sat at the table and was drawing again, and then she told me, "The movie ... the magician and the bad book ..." The title she gave WISH! She made Magnifico the protagonist and the evil book the villain! Exactly right!

Anyway, then it happens, everyone KNOWS Magnifico is "controlled/posessed" and yet all of the sudden he himself is the evil? What??

In the past ten decades, disney had always done a fantastic job in displaying true evil and the - true love always wins - message. Even with quite recent movies such as Tangled, Frozen, Encanto etc. We've been introduced to the trauma topic and that "antagonists" can and should be saved.

I mean, I'm absolutely glad that we got Magnifico the way we got him, but I'm enraged about the toxic stance toward trauma.

If I'm looking at what disney did in the tangled series with Varian and Cassandra, who both had a short time period where they've been pushed down the "villain" road by trauma and by the hurt of not feeling valued, seen, heard or treated right and how this got resolved, I can only shake my head at what disney did in Wish.

Cassandra as much as Varian in fact- especially Cassandra- threatened the whole kingdom and also strived to hurt Rapunzel more than just once.

And she wasn't directly posessed by evil but heavily manipulated and blinded by it. All her "Evil actions" were completelty on her! And Rapunzel stressed that no matter what, she'll never give up on Cassandra. Why? Because she truly loved her! Because she knew that this evil wasn't who she truly is.

Rapunzel said "Even when I look at you now, after all that's happened, no matter what we've done to each other, I still see that look in your eyes. You're my best friend, Cassandra, and I will never give up on you!"

Can you imagine what could have been if Amaya and all the citizens of Rosas would have had that attitude towards Magnifico? Truly loving him for who he is and not only seeing him as a source for favours? They all simply didn't care! If they had, they wouldn't have given up on him as quick as the snap of a finger.

So we've seen antagonists and semi-villains getting redeemed before and we've seen the "True love conquers all" more than enough, and now, especially with Magnifico, disney and some ignorant haters want to tell us that this isn't what could have happened to Magnifico too?

It's ridiculous!

And the citizens of Corona forgave both Cassandra and Varian!

Now, once more, the "book" said - nothing can bind the evil magic! Yet this is exactly what happened after the people of Rosas unified and sang! The lights glowing in their chests is actually symbolic for their hearts unifying! It was immediately stronger than the hold of the evil magic, even though the book said, it's untouchable!

The evil magic was bound, "star" was set free and Magnifico pulled into the curse realm. You cannot tell me if they all had done the same thing with the goal in their hearts to free and save Magnifico, that they wouldn't have succeeded.

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Alright folks, I think I’m on the other side of this cold. Which unfortunately means I am back at work. Things are going to start getting more serious here, so bear with me.

Moving forward, each chapter will have its own warnings above the normal, so just keep an eye out. As always, thank you for reading. ☺️

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery. **STRONG TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA** Please proceed w/ caution.

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess

Part 8 - Limits

Three months is not a long time. Not long enough for me to drink in the relationship that now was encompassing the vast majority of my life. I still had my job, my meetings, my daily walks with Angel…but everything else was Noah.

Nights watching movies with him. Days going to his house and just existing while he sat in his studio making music. Standing backstage at random pop up shows they did. Morning showers. Evening cuddles. Very late night sex. Sex all the time? Noah had an incredible sex drive and I was along for the ride.

But today, this truly horrific day, was his last day before he left again on tour. It was panic day. And I couldn’t get out of work. He leaves in the morning for Houston, and is absolutely losing his mind with anxiety.

My phone was going to vibrate off of my desk, so I slipped it into the top drawer and turned my attention back to the clients in front of me.

“I’m so sorry about that, where were we?”

The young couple sat in the chairs in front of my desk, their expression cool and positive. They radiated happiness, love. Jared and Sarah Miller, newlyweds, and visibly elated to be buying their first home. Sarah’s belly sat heavy in her lap, thirty-six weeks into her pregnancy with their first baby.

Their house was closing next week, so we needed to discuss what all needed to be done prior and run their one last statement check.

“You can take that, if you need Mileena. We don’t mind waiting.” Sarah smiled at me warmly, and I felt a tug in my chest when I heard my phone vibrate again.

“Oh, it’s fi-“ Before I could finish, it stopped vibrating, only to begin again half a second later. “Uhm…”

I opened my drawer, looking down to see Noah’s face flashing once again.

“I’m so sorry, it’s my boyfriend. It may be an emergency if he’s calling this much.”

Jared stood up. “No worries! We can run to the car and get Sarah’s snacks, if you don’t mind we eat in here?”

I shook my head. “Not at all! I’ll only be a second.”

“Take your time.” Sarah chirped before they walked out of the office, the door latching behind them.

I slid the newest call open. “Why aren’t you answering?! Are you dying?!”

I had to pull the phone from my ear due to the sheer volume of his voice. “Noah, I’m at work. Not dying.”

“Oh.” His voice calmed down instantly. “Good, because I almost got worried.”

I snorted. “Almost? You’ve called me like, a hundred times!”

He chuckled. “It’s panic day?” He said defensively.

“Panic day or not, babe. I’m with clients.”

“Fuck! I’m sorry. I should’ve known.”

I glanced at my computer screen to a new Teams message.

Sam: Saw your clients left. Wanna get lunch?

I cringed.

Me: They’re coming back. And no, eating in.

I saw the indication he was typing pop up, but disappear a moment later with no new message.

“Listen, babe,” I brought my attention back to Noah. “How about I go to your place after work? I can grab food on the way?”

“I really should focus.”

I laughed. “Cause you’re doing such a great job.”

“You’re right.”

“I’ll see you about six. Love you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

And we ended the call right as Jared and Sarah walked back in.

I smiled widely and took a breath. “Crisis averted. Now, let’s get you guys this house.”

-

I sat cross-legged on Noah’s bed, pulling potstickers from the paper box in my hand. Noah was chewing on his food while his fingers clacked at his keyboard, sending last minute emails to his tour manager.

Rick and Morty played on the television, and I idly watched it while letting him have his space. ‘Just having you here makes me feel more calm’ is what he told me, so I’m just existing, letting him have his panic in peace.

Noah had gone to my house this afternoon and picked up Angel after we talked, bringing him back to his place so I didn’t have to stop home after work. I was almost convinced he loved that dog more than me. I’m okay with that.

Noah turned, chow mein noodle hanging out of his lips. I chuckled at the sight, and he turned his lips up in a goofy smile. He slurped the noodle in his mouth and licked his lips. As silly as he is, he’s still absolutely breathtaking.

His muscle shirt showed his arms that were slowly becoming more defined every time I really looked at them. Noah had been filling free time he had going to Muay Thai and Boxing classes, trying to keep off any unnecessary pounds he may put on from his sugar intake. The results were becoming…difficult to not appreciate.

“You done?”

He nodded, leaning back in his chair. “I think so. Nothing left to do but sleep.”

I nodded, satisfied. “Good.” I glanced at my watch, noticing it was already seven-thirty. The first forty-five minutes of me being here was spent trying to calm the anxiety and help him find his favorite jacket that somehow ended up in Jolly’s laundry hamper.

“We’ve got to head out in about an hour.”

His lips turned down in a frown. “Why?”

“I’ve got work in the morning, and you’re leaving at 4 in the morning. You need sleep.”

“Nuh-uh.”

I raised my eyebrow at him. “Noah, unless you have a show, you can barely stay conscious past 10PM. You still have to shower.”

He shrugged. “Don’t care.”

“Mkay, well I care. Because I also have to shower and decompress before bed.” I stood off the bed and piled the empty food containers into the bag they came in, walking it over to the garbage can.

“Take this out tonight, or it’ll be awful when you get back.”

He just stared at me, a look I couldn’t quite place on his face. It made me shift my weight under me, unsure of how to react.

“What? Do I have soy sauce on me?” I wiped at my face, but he just shook his head.

“No.” He then sighed heavily. “We’re going to be gone longer this time.”

My heart pulled. He was right. He’d be gone two and a half months this time, which shouldn’t be long, right? Three months went by so fast…

“I know. But, I’ll be at the show here in October. And you’ll be home a week after that, just in time for your birthday.”

He chewed his bottom lip. I walked over to him, stopping directly in front of his chair.

“Then we’ll spend the holidays together.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, his head leaning into my chest, his arms swallowing my waist. “Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving.”

He would be going back on tour at the end of January, so we had to take what we could get.

“Can’t you just come with me?”

I chuckled. “I wish, baby.”

I pulled my arms back, gripping either side of his neck to bring his face up to mine, placing a soft kiss on his lips. His arms tightened around me and a soft moan hummed out of him.

“Now,” I pulled my face back and pushed him back into his chair. “sit there quietly, and let me give you your parting gift.”

I sunk down to my knees and watched while he lifted his brows at me, narrowing his eyes.

“Since when do I do what you tell me?” His tone was apprehensive.

I gazed up at him through my lashes, doing my best to look innocent while my hands unzipped his jeans.

“Since I have something you want.” I very dramatically licked my lips, leaving excess saliva on my bottom lip for effect.

He pursed his lips, and gave a curt nod of his head.

“Fair enough.”

-

I was wrong. I was so wrong. Two-and a half months was crawling. I would assume it felt that way since it had only been two weeks, but it felt like a year.

I had just hung up the phone, Noah having to head into sound check. My lunch break was close to over, so I was already sitting behind my desk, scrolling through emails while I waited for my next client to make their appointment.

My desk phone chimed, and I grabbed the receiver.

“Kline Home Lending, this is Mileena?”

“Are you not logged in to Teams?” Sam’s voice was sharp on the other end.

“I’m on lunch. I haven’t taken Do Not Disturb off yet.”

“Lex wants to see us. Didn’t say why. We need to go now.”

I straightened my back and checked the time. I only had twenty minutes until my next appointment. That didn’t matter, though. When Lex called, you went. He was the President of Kline, and he didn’t make appearances often.

I shot my client a quick text to wait for me in the lobby if I wasn’t back as I walked down the hallway behind Sam toward Lex’s office.

“What do you think he wants?”

Same didn’t turn to respond. “Don’t know. He just asked to see us two.”

What could he possibly need? I kept my nose down, sold my loans, and kept it pushing. I didn’t make waves. Sam, on the other hand…

“Ah! Thank you both for coming on short notice. I won’t keep you too long.”

Sam and I each took a seat in front of Lex’s desk. Our boss, a tall, older man with white hair and his shirt unbuttoned the top two buttons, stood up and rounded the desk, leaning against it.

“I’m certain you don’t know why I’ve brought you here.” We both just nodded. “Right, well I’ll get straight to it.”

He went back to his chair, sitting down and waking his computer. “I assume you’re both familiar with Shamrock Lending?”

“Aren’t they the company that just declared bankruptcy?” I furrowed my brow, my question making him nod.

“Nearly. They’ve backed out of that.” Sam and I looked at each other inquisitively. “We’re absorbing them, including their employees and client base.”

“Why?” Sam sounded unamused.

“Shamrock maintained a prestigious client-base and had great word of mouth. The pandemic killed the business, and with them having been such a small company to begin with, it didn’t cost us much. And now we can retain their clientele, including their celebrity accounts.” He had his chin resting in his hands. “They sold Kelly Clarkson a house last year.”

Sam snorted. “So, what does that have to do with us?”

I had to forcibly not roll my eyes at his disrespectful attitude.

Lex looked intrigued, staring directly at Sam.

“I’m glad you asked, Samuel.” The sound of his full name made Sam visibly straighten. “We need to do something to boost morale for their employees. Shamrock was a family-owned company so most of their staff are…less than thrilled at coming over to Kline.”

“I could understand that.” I empathized.

“Exactly. So we are going to arrange for a company event, something to lighten the spirits. Eating, drinking, and overall merriment.” He pointed at us. “Oh, and live music! That always gets people excited.”

He stood again. “I need you both to organize it. You’re my top performers, so I trust you both to be able to arrange something within the next week or so.”

My eyes widened. We had to what?!

“With all due respect sir, but when you say organize?”

“Find a venue, get catering, hire a band, all that jazz.”

“My family has an estate on a vineyard in Escondido. Perfect for this.” Sam was now smiling confidently. Kiss ass.

Lex snapped. “Wonderful! We need this ready happen by the end of September. The merge is effective as of October 1st.”

I’m so fucked.

-

The following seven days had been a blur. A long, exhausting, frustrating blur. I had to reschedule so many appointments so Sam and I could work on the event.

Venue was no issue, but we needed catering, entertainment, staff, decorations, which is what Sam and I were currently arguing over.

The amount of arguing we had done over the last week had drained everything out of me. Spending this much time with him was absolutely ungodly. He was so difficult to tolerate, his bravado and over enthusiastic flirting got so far under my skin I could feel it in my bones.

“We need a theme!”

“It’s not junior prom, Sam! We don’t need casino night!”

He scoffed, pacing over the floor in my office while I sat, my fingertips rubbing my temples.

“So it’s just a ‘Hey we get you hate us, but get drunk and have salmon’ party?!’

We were interrupted by the door opening, Chrissy, the janitor, coming to clean my office.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you guys were gone.” She backed out and closed the door.

“Jesus Christ, what time is it?” I checked my watch. “Ugh, it’s already seven. I’ve got to go.”

“No, no, we need to finish this. The event is in three days.” He pulled his phone out. “I’m ordering some pizza.”

I stood up in protest. “As fun as that sounds, I’ve got to go walk my dog. Or he’ll piss in the house.”

He locked his phone and gave me a disgusting grin. “No worries, we can just finish at your place.”

My face must have mimicked my disdain because he only smiled wider. I groaned and sat back down.

“Fine. Let’s just finish it.”

I finally swung my front door open at 9PM, exhaustion and agitation fueling me the entire ride home. Angel met me at the door, eyes big, obviously concerned for my whereabouts. He's never left alone quite this long, more so these last few months with Noah picking him up nearly every day.

"Hey baby." He barked in response while I kicked my heels off. "I'm so sorry I was gone so long."

He ran to the back door in response. I dropped my bag right there on the floor, slipping my slides on and striding to let Angel out.

I stepped outside with him, watching as he disappeared near the trees in the corner of the yard, undoubtedly relieving himself. I stayed on the wooden porch, flopping down into the wooden chair at the table. I slipped a single cigarette out of the pack next to the ashtray and lit the end with a match. I didn't indulge in my nicotine habit often, only in times of severe stress. I bought a pack the day I learned of the event and had smoked one each night after work.

I hadn't told Noah that.

This reminded me that I hadn't heard from him all day. I slipped my phone out of my pocket, taking a long drag from my smoke.

I pressed call as soon as I found his name in my recent list, noticing our last phone call was yesterday afternoon. We hadn't talked hardly at all since Sunday, when the shows became more frequent and my work started taking up all my damn time. Our nightly calls had been skipped a few times now, and we mostly communicated over text. Until now, I hadn't noticed how badly I missed him until I saw his contact photo show up when the phone rang; a picture of him sleeping, Angel stretched out over his stomach, snoozing comfortably on my bed.

I put the phone on speaker and set it on the table, leaning back in my chair.

"Hello?" His voice that came through was loud. There was a ton of background noise and voices. There was also some kind of music. Music I didn't recognize - heavy bass drums, some kind of high-pitched synth, with rhythmic reverb. Club music?

"Hey babe. What're you doing?" I could hear shuffling on the other end.

"What?" He couldn't hear me. "Hang on, babe. One sec." The phone then went completely silent, evidently muted.

After a few moments, I could hear sound again, but it was much quieter. "Hey babe, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear shit in there."

"What are you doing?" My voice was sharp, which I wasn't sure if it was due to me being wildly suspicious all of a sudden, or the frustration bleeding over from work.

"Oh, uh, after the show the guys wanted to stop off at this place on our way back to the hotel." His voice sounded intentionally nonchalant.

"What kind of place?"

He was quiet. Too fucking quiet.

"Babe, don't freak out." He sighed heavily. "It's a bar, and look-"

"You're at a fucking bar?!" I stood up, dropping my cigarette into the ashtray.

"Babe, please don't yell at me." I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, forcibly evening out my voice.

"Noah, why the hell are you at a bar?" I said through gritted teeth.

"It's one of the guys' in ERRA's birthday tonight. We're just here to celebrate. I'm going to be fine." He was annoyed, I could hear it. I was 'sponsor'-ing him, but I didn't fucking care.

"Please don't drink, Noah." He groaned.

"I won't, Leena." His voice was slightly venomous. This bothered me. How could he not understand why I was upset by this? It was a valid fucking reason to be upset. He was right on top of earning his 6-month chip.

"Good. Because I swear to God, I will snatch those chips away from you so fucking fast."

He didn't even breathe. "Nick is here. He'll keep me straight."

"He's not drinking?"

"No."

"Okay." I sat back down.

"I'll call you when I get back to the hotel and after I shower."

"Okay." I picked my cigarette back up. "I love you."

"Love you too." Click. My heart tugged. It felt wrong.

When he finally called me, I was already half asleep. I had showered, finished getting ready for bed, and began fading while watching Supernatural. It was typically unheard of for me to pass out so early, but I was positively exhausted.

My phone began singing next to my face, and I moaned in defeat. I just wanted to be unconscious.

"Hey." My voice was thick with sleep.

"Hey, were you sleeping?" His voice sounded pretty sleepy too. It was past his bedtime.

"I was, but I'm fine." I sat up in bed. I ran a hand over Angel, who was now sound asleep in Noah's spot on my bed.

"Mmm. How was your day?"

I leaned back on my pillows, yawning. "It was long. Had to stay late again."

"With Sam?"

This made me snap to attention. The bite in his tone startled me. "Yeah, unfortunately."

"Hmm." He was making a lot of humming noises tonight. "Been spending a lot of time with him, yeah?"

You're fucking kidding. Noah was not getting jealous...of Shithead Sam?!

"Not voluntarily. We just had to get this event worked out."

"And did you?" He was still so serious. Nothing like what I was used to with Noah.

"Yes." My words were slow, still in disbelief at his attitude. "The event is on Saturday over in the valley. I'll be driving down there Saturday morning to make sure it gets set up."

"Well, I'm sure he'll meet you there."

I had about enough.

"Noah, what's your problem?" I was serious now, over whatever bullshit game it was he was playing.

"I don't have one." He paused. "Do you?"

Is he instigating an argument? "I didn't think so, but you're acting weird." I sighed. "I don't like it."

I heard him breathe, a sigh, maybe? "I'm sorry."

I didn't respond.

"I don't know, I just don't like that guy."

I sat up, pausing the television. "I know you don't. Neither do I. But why be rude to me over it?"

"Well, you spending so much time with him bothers me."

"...and?" I furrowed my brow, bewildered. "I can't help that we got put on this project together."

He snickered. "I mean..." He trailed off.

"What?" I dared him.

"You could have said no."

My jaw dropped. Was he for fucking real? "How do you figure? The President of the company I work for tells me to organize an event, and I just...what? Decline?"

"Pretty much."

I shook my head, absolutely flabbergasted. "Are you fucking joking?" My voice was raised.

"I asked you not to yell at me."

I swung my legs over the bed and began pacing. "Well, that's hard to do when you're acting like this."

"Like what?" His voice was so even, so calm. It was getting under my skin.

"Like a jealous boyfriend!"

He was silent for a minute. "Am I not?"

"Oh my fucking God, Noah! You have nothing to be jealous about!" I was now laughing, but not because it was funny, but because it was so ridiculous. "The guy is fucking putrid!"

"So I've heard." That evenness in his tone was going to kill me, or get him killed if I get my hands on him. I knew that bullshit. It was manipulative, which up until this point, I didn't think Noah was. He had never acted like this before.

"Noah, you don't fucking get it. He's the opposite of attractive. He reminds me of my ex." I had never admitted that before, to him or myself. I didn't think about him often.

"Right, yeah. The ex-boyfriend you never want to talk about. Got it." There was a slight inflection in his voice. Good. At least I know he isn't a robot.

He was just a fucking asshole.

My voice was calm now, still as standing fucking water. "That's correct."

"Leaves me with lots of questions, Mileena."

Who the fuck was this douchebag on the phone with me? What piece of garbage was I talking to? It wasn't Noah. Not my Noah.

"I'm hanging up." My hand was shaking now.

"Sure, yeah, ignore the problem." He was getting worked up. I couldn't tell if that was better or worse.

"No, I'm just not letting this go any further." I took a breath to keep voice even. "You should get some rest."

"No, c'mon, let's talk about it! You always want to know about me and my fucking skeletons in the closet! Where's yours? What's the big fucking secret? Why do I have to pull fucking teeth to get you to fucking talk about your ex? Or your drinking? Or anything fucking personal?!" He was full-blown screaming now, and I was frozen solid.

He wasn't wrong. I always avoided talking about Jeremy, at all God damn costs. He enabled my drinking, he set back my sobriety, and that was the mild stuff.

"Noah...please stop." My voice was cracking now.

"Whatever. So much for a trusting fucking relationship."

That was it. That broke the dam. That sent me spiraling.

"Are you fucking KIDDING me?! You call me, start a fucking fight, and then have the audacity to say I can't be trusted you fucking bastard?! Why? Because I don't want to talk about the asshole that drove me to drink because he was abusing me so badly?! Who slapped me around so much that only the alcohol made it bearable?! Back when I tried to kill myself, couldn't because I was so God damn drunk, and ended up going back to him because he convinced me no one else would ever love me?!"

I couldn't stop. He flipped the switch and you can't just undo that.

"Fuck you, Noah! Fuck you and your bullshit jealousy and trust issues!" Tears were streaming down my face, blurring my vision. Somewhere, I felt Angel's nose pressing into the side of my leg. "Now go the fuck to sleep before I tell you to go to hell instead!"

I ended the call, before he could respond. My shaky hands frantically turned my phone off before I could receive a text or a call back.

-

I had put my phone on vibrate all day Friday, spending the majority of the day in my bed sulking. I didn't want to talk to anyone; Laura, my Dad, most importantly, Noah. Anytime I thought about it, I started crying. I laid in bed, only getting up to let Angel out and get snacks from the kitchen. I laid in bed, watching comedy movies to try and relieve my mind.

It wasn't until I woke up Saturday morning that I finally read all of the missed texts.

The night of the fight:

Noah: Leena I'm such a fcking asshole. I'm sorry. Pleese call me back.

Noah: Babe I don't even know what got into m please.

Noah: Yourr phone is going straigt to voicemail. I guess you turned it off. I'm going to sleep now. I love you. Call me please?

Friday morning:

Noah: Is your phone back on?

Noah: Guess not.

Noah: Leena, please call me. I feel sick thinking about how dumb I was being. I promise I will never do that again. I swear. Please just respond to me.

Nick: Leena, Noah won't stop asking me to text you. Please call him.

Noah: I'm about to cancel the show tonight and fly home. Please Leena.

Noah: Nick said I can't cancel the show. Too short notice. Please call me. I need to hear your voice.

Friday evening:

Noah: Look, I've tried really hard to be patient but I'm starting to freak out. Babe, please. I was stupid. I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever do anything like that again. I have no idea what got into me.

Noah: I'm going to quit texting now. I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry. Call me when you're ready. I love you so much, more than you'll ever know Leena. Always.

I sighed hard. I wasn't angry anymore, mostly just hurt. I really wanted Noah to be different, but after the way he was talking, it was hard to believe. Nothing made sense. In five months, he had not spoken like that to me at all. He was always so laid back, even about things that bothered him.

Something was wrong. Something was different.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to ponder it, as I had to get ready to drive to Escondido and get this hellscape of a day over with.

I decided to send him a response, but not give too much.

Me: I love you too. We'll talk tonight. Have a good show.

-

All things considered, the vineyard was absolutely stunning. The event was exactly how we planned, music elegant but still upbeat. The food was high-class, Kline sparing no expense. People were swaying and mingling, their drinks from the open bar settling nicely into their systems.

I was stood on a hill just out of sight of the happenings down by the massive estate home, overlooking the winery. Vines upon vines of grapes grew, causing such an incredible landscape while the sun began to set over the hills. It soothed the ache in my soul.

I heard footsteps approaching behind me, and gauging the weight of them, I rolled my eyes, knowing my moment was spoiled.

"Too good for the party?" I sighed. Sam's voice was the same as always, condescending and arrogant.

I turned, my long, olive green dress twisting at the skirt. "Nope, just taking a breather."

"Is it hard? Being around people drinking?" For once, he didn't sound like he was being judgmental, and it caught me off guard.

I shook my head lightly. "No. Not really anymore."

He nodded, standing next to me with his hands in his pockets.

"Hell of a view."

I shrugged. "It is."

He nudged my shoulder, gesturing over to a stable to his left. "Want to go see the horses?"

I smirked. "I'm okay, thank you."

He narrowed his eyes at me playfully. "C'mon, girl. Everyone loves horses!"

I chuckled. I contemplated this for a moment. I do love horses, having ridden many when I was younger.

Sam began stalking toward the barn, waving me along. "Just for a minute. You'll love them!"

I rolled my eyes, but still, I stomped after him, my heels nearly sinking into the grass beneath me.

He pulled the door open, the familiar smell of hay and feed hitting me in the nostrils. It was a comforting smell, reminding me of the horses my Dad helped tend when I was a little girl.

He walked into one of the stalls. "This one," he pulled on a rein, a stunning black horse peering out of the stall. I was drawn, walking up to her and smiling. "is mine. Her name is Onyx."

Her large nose pressed into my hand. I ran a hand up her face, reveling in the feel of her silky fur.

"She's amazing." I was in awe.

"Yeah, she's a good girl. Rides like a champ." I nodded.

"I'll bet she does." I backed away from her, peering over at Sam.

"You want to see another?" I nodded, a soft smile on my face.

He waved me down the stable, opening a stall at the end. "Come on."

I didn't see a horse, but I stepped in front of the door, confused. Sam was gone, and the stall was empty. I took a step forward just beyond the door, puzzled.

"Sam?"

It was at that exact second, a hand clapped over my mouth from behind, and a large, thick arm came to snake around me around the waist, holding my arms down to my sides and pulling me in close.

Sam had me pinned, his body pressed against my back, as I began writhing and struggling beneath him. Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I struggled as hard as I could, working my arms around in an attempt to get free. I felt his breath on the side of my face, his voice low and hushed.

"Shh, hang on there, girl. Wouldn't want anyone to know we're in here." I screamed against his hand, forcing him to clamp down harder, giving the feeling that my jaw may break.

Please, fucking, please, no.

"You've been playing this 'hard to get' bullshit for so long. It was about time we finally made it happen, huh?"

His hand over my mouth slid down to my neck, squeezing so tight that my vision began turning fuzzy.

I choked hard, trying like hell to get words out. "S-Sam, please, d-don't."

He had turned us around, pushing me against the wall of the stable. His hand that wasn't holding my throat was roaming up my skirt, his giant palm under my dress and tugging at my underwear. I thrashed again, trying like hell to get an inch so I could slip out of his grasp. It was futile. He had me, I was trapped.

I felt his fingers slipping into the hem of my panties, sneaking underneath. His hands violated me, making hot tears pour out of my eyes. I squeezed them shut, trying to just focus on having enough air to stay conscious. If I pass out, it's over.

I ignored his hands on me, and focused. His feet. His feet were the only shot I had.

I shifted my weight onto my other leg, realizing his was immediately behind mine, using both legs to keep mine spread.

I lifted my foot, and with as much force as I could muster, I jammed my heel into top of his foot, causing him to jump back, his hands releasing me at once. Without hesitation, once my arms were free, I reached my elbow back, connecting it with his face. I felt something crunch beneath my arm, but I didn't care.

As soon as he was no longer on top of me, I ran. I booked straight out of the barn, my vision slowly returning.

I was running back toward the party, up the hill. That's when I stopped. My dress was ripped on the strap, my hair was tangled up, and my makeup had to be running down my face. I was a mess. I looked insane.

I had to get the hell out.

I began sprinting to the parking lot, passing several people on my way but not stopping. I ran to my car that, thankfully, I had left unlocked, keys in the visor. I turned the engine over and tore out of the parking lot.

I didn't care that I blew past multiple stop signs. I pulled onto the interstate and drove. I drove until I couldn't see the winery behind me. Until I could barely see at all because my eyes were watering so badly. My breathing was so sporadic. My hands were screaming with how tight I had been gripping the steering wheel.

I finally snapped out of my state, realizing I needed to stop.

I pulled off on the next exit, finding a rest stop just off the highway and pulled into the parking lot. I sat there, staring out of the windshield, tears streaming, trying to calm my breathing.

It took me a moment to realize I had stopped, and for my brain to begin functioning again.

I picked up my phone, opening it and ignoring texts and missed calls and going straight to my contacts.

I pressed 'Call' and waited for the line to pick up.

"Hey babes, what's up?" Laura's voice rang through the line.

"I need help."

[honeytae]

8:36pm

hello lovies! i found a very old version of this in my drafts and decided to revamp it, so here’s some good old namjoon comfort. reader is seriously going through it, but joonie is the sweetest boyfriend ever!

word count, genre: 900+, angst/fluff

trigger warning - this drabble deals with themes of depression and anxiety

You were halfway between consciousness when the chime of your doorbell sat you up straight. Rubbing at your eyes, you stretched your legs, rolling your eyes as the doorbell rang out again.

Huffing, you stood from the couch and made your way to the front door, socked feet dragging along the floors of your foyer.

Realization dawned upon you as you tugged on the door handle, the tightness in your chest easing a bit at the memory of the soup you’d ordered an hour ago.

“Thank you,” you murmured to the delivery person standing in your doorway, trading the tip in your hand with the paper bag in theirs.

You had nearly forgotten you’d ordered anything.

Lately things had been off. You couldn’t quite place your finger on it, but your energy levels were all out of wack, your head felt heavy all of the time, and you were much too sedentary for typical comfort.

You got like this sometimes. It had happened enough that you knew you’d find the light again. That didn’t make you feel any less uneasy, though.

Heaving a sigh, you made your way to your living room. The shades were closed, just as they’d been for the last week. There wasn’t any reason to open them and let daylight blind you. You were also actively avoiding the fact that everyone else was out there living their lives while you sunk deeper and deeper into your funk.

You set the bag of food down on the coffee table with a sad crumpling noise, settling back into the couch cushions and watching as if it would suddenly unpack itself.

You aren’t sure when you fell back asleep, but you wake to the smell of noodles and a gentle weight on your forearm.

Blinking your bleary eyes open, you can just barely make out the sight of your boyfriend leaning over you, a gorgeous smile pulling at his lips.

“Hi, sleepyhead,” he crooned as you slipped further out of slumber, the cushions below you shifting as he lowered himself beside you.

“Hey,” you spoke around a yawn, “I didn’t know you were coming over tonight,” you shifted closer to him, nuzzling into his side as he threw an arm around you.

“Hm, me neither. Finished up a little early,” he paused to pucker his lips against the top of your head, “and I missed you,” he spoke into your hair.

Shifting your gaze up to him, he leaned back to accommodate you, brown eyes glittering back at you being one of the only light sources in the dark room.

“I missed you too,” you sighed, meeting his soft lips in a chaste kiss, reaching up to soothingly scratch at his scalp.

He hummed against your lips, his touch leaving you for a moment as he leaned over to the coffee table. It was only then that you realized he had heated up your food from earlier, a steady lump swelling in your throat as he took a cup in his hand and guided it into your own.

You thanked him with a shy smile, faltering a bit when you saw the concern tainting his eyes.

“You’re worrying,” you squinted at him, watching triumphantly as his lips twitched just the slightest in response to your accusation.

It’s not necessarily that you’re trying to hide your struggles from Namjoon. You’d been with him long enough that you could read each other super easily, so there was no doubt in your mind that he knew you were in a major slump. You just never wanted to be the reason for Namjoon’s stress, reaching out to poke his cheek until you were met with that dimple you loved oh so dearly.

“Of course I am,” he started, causing you to raise your eyebrows as you anxiously stirred the spoon in the soup, giving him your full attention as he laid a palm on your thigh.

“I just,” he blinked, pausing for a moment, “I want to help you so bad. No matter what you’re telling yourself, your problems are my problems, baby,” he sighed, fingers massaging into the back of your neck at the first glimpses of tears gathering along your waterline.

“We can talk all night - hell, all week if you need to, okay?” he murmured, his soft tone eliciting more hot tears to run down your cheeks. They were immediately intercepted by Namjoon’s thumbs, your trembling lips soothed by soft puckers of his own.

“But please,” he pouted, his hand leaving your thigh to wrap around yours holding the warm cup of food, “please eat your soup,” his plea making you chuckle as you filled the spoon full of broth again.

Namjoon watched fondly as you guided the spoonful into your mouth, gently sliding his hands beneath your thighs to shift you sideways onto his lap.

“Okay?” He asked, tilting his head as he looked into your glassy eyes for confirmation.

You nodded, sniffling as you spooned the soup into your mouth. It was warm, comforting, just like your boyfriend.

“Okay,” you agreed, letting out a deep exhale as he wrapped his arms around your torso to hug you to him, laying his head on your shoulder as you continued to eat.

“Thanks for being my rock,” you swallowed the salty broth, watching Namjoon’s fingers fiddle with the hem of your shorts.

“You’re your own rock,” he affirmed, “I’m just the rainwater that washes away the dirt and grime.”

You snorted at the dorky sentiment, tilting your head to watch as his eyes crinkled in laughter at himself. You dropped your forehead on his shoulder, smiling at the sound of his healing giggles. You pressed your cheek to his shoulder, exhaling as he rubbed the warmth of his palm up and down your spine.

“Well, thanks for being my rainwater, then.”

[cybergothvox]

Hypnosis script for Anxiety

This scrip will implant the trigger phrase 'You are safe'. I am a Vox fictive and mention my metal fingers, if you would like you can imagine Vox while reading this, though you can dismiss that part if it does not speak to you. I have been learning how to do hypnosis mainly by reading @nocturnowlette 's blog so I use some of their techniques, please check out their blog! This was originally written for my partner, so there are some romantic coded things that you may dismiss if they do not speak to you, but that you are also welcome to lean into if you like it. This is my first hypnosis script, I hope you enjoy an I welcome constructive feedback! Let me know if i melted you xoxo

Just focus on my words. Imagine yourself at the top of a staircase with ten steps. As I count down, imagine yourself taking a step down the staircase, and with each step you will go deeper and deeper intro trance, feeling safer and safer the deeper you go, the more you focus on my voice. Ten. Breathing slower, and slower. Nine. Feeling more and more relaxed. Eight. Focusing on my words. Seven. Feeling safer, and safer. Six. Feeling your thoughts melt away. Five. Breathing in… and out. Four. Sinking deeper, and deeper. Three. Allowing yourself to give control over to me. Safe. Two. Letting go of conscious thought. It is normal to have thoughts, but each time you hear one it just… melts away. Focusing on my words.

One.

It is normal to have thoughts of other things. Each time you have one of these thoughts, imagine it going into a bubble. All your thoughts, slowly becoming bubbles. Pop. The bubbles start popping. As each bubble pops, you feel yourself fall deeper and deeper into trance, your thoughts slipping away.

Pop. Pop. Pop. The bubbles pop slowly at first, but over time they pop faster and faster, each pop causing you to become more relaxed.

Good. You are very deep in a trance now. Focusing entirely on my words. You are being such a good boy for me. You feel completely safe with me. It is okay for you to give me your control. Repeat after me: 'I give you my control'

Good.

You are being so good for me. So relaxed and focused on my words. I adore you. You are completely safe.

You feel a warm relaxing feeling starting at the top of your head. As it moves through your body, you feel more and more relaxed, more and more safe and comfortable.

The warm feeling goes down from the top of your head to your face, relaxing all the muscles.

it moves down, relaxing your neck and shoulders. Making you feel safe, comfortable, and loved. Loved by me and my words.

It moves down to your chest, relaxing your body, slowing your breathing, relaxing you completely.

and down into your torso, and your legs, feeling safe, and comfortable.

and down to your shins and your feet, a warm, tingling feeling, now through your entire body, feeling completely safe and happy.

I am here with you. I love you. You are safe with me.

Feel my hand gently on your back, running down your spine, metal fingers pressing into just the right amount that it feels good and is comfortable.

I run my hand down your back and bring it back up, petting you in a slow, repetitive motion, soothing you.

I bring my hand up, and then run it down your back.

Up, down. Up, down. Feeling my fingers pressing into your skin gently.

Good. Whenever i repeat the phrase, 'You are safe', you will feel this safe and comfortable feeling, more and more. Each time I say it you will feel safer and more relaxed. You are safe. I run my hand down your back. You are safe. I bring my hand up and scritch the top of your head, making your brain feel tingly and good. You are safe. You feel completely safe and comfortable. You are in my hands, and I am taking care of you. You are safe. You being so good for me. You are safe.

Remember the phrase, 'You are safe.' Whenever you repeat this phrase to yourself, it will bring you back to this safe, relaxed and happy feeling that you have now, even after you have returned to the waking world.

When you are ready, I will bring you back up to the waking world. But you can stay here and enjoy this safe feeling for as long as you would like, feeling my hands petting your back and scritching your head. When you are ready, continue reading.

You are doing so well. I adore you. You being so good for me.

Okay. You are at the bottom of the staircase. With each number I say, take a step up, slowly and comfortably returning to consciousness. One. Beginning to slowly wake up. Two. Slowly allowing thought to return. Three. Still feeling safe. Four. Your limbs feel normal, it is easier to move. Five. Feeling more and more like your normal self. Six. Allowing yourself to regain control. Seven. Feeling more and more awake. Eight. Feeling alert. Nine. Almost completely normal.

Ten

Good. You can take as much time as you need. Move at whatever pace is comfortable. Slowly letting your thoughts return, wiggling your fingers and toes to ground yourself in your body, slowly you wake up.

[songbyrd-writes]

Dating Konig headcanons

Trigger warnings: Small mention of reader's weight (not in a negative way)

A/N: I know a lot of people really like Konig (so do I) but I don't really like 'fanon' him so here's my take on our giant friend. These are also in typical headcanon format cause I'm too tired to split them up.

- Konig is cocky and can talk some serious shit whenever he feels like he's done a better job than others, of course he'd never actually say these things to the person because I'm pretty sure his social anxiety wouldn't allow him to unless he was really pissed. (me too, man, me too.)

- He loves a challenge because he loves the feeling of overcoming it, it makes him feel much more confident in a similar way to how wearing the sniper hood all the time makes him comfortable doing things around lots of people. The knowledge that people will look at him but never truly see *him* is such a big confidence boost and that's an important thing for him.

- On the topic of the sniper hood, Konig’s social anxiety makes him value the feeling of privacy as well as anonymity that it gives him, going out without his hood makes him feel antsy and far too exposed for his liking.

- Oh sweet, sweet König... without his hood he's much more noticably anxious around you, he doesn't know where to look or what to say to not make it more awkward than it already is.

- LOVES absolutely loves when you actually kiss him on the lips or when you give him hugs, he loves the way you feel in his arms and because of how long he wears his hood he sometimes he forgets that he's taken it off until you give him a kiss.

- I'm sure none of us missed how tall he is and assuming Ghost is around 6'4 then Konig is around 6'5 to 6'7 (depending on your personal preference, I place him at 6'6 but if you want a reference for how tall he would look around others irl just look up Ben Graves bcos he was 6'5 :P)

- Honestly kind of forgets that like he's big as fuck, I could see him laying down on top of you and then not realizing that he's slowly crushing you ... he gets kind of embarrassed about it because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt you.

- Obviously the man can lift so there's no need to worry if you're plus size because he'll gladly pick you up and if you get embarrassed or insecure about it he'll be right there to make sure you know that he will never be bothered by how you look or how much you weigh. He fell in love with you not some arbitrary number. Same thing applies to anyone who weighs less, generally speaking your body doesn't matter to him as long as you're safe, comfortable, and happy!

- König doesn't try to leave hickeys or bruises but sometimes he can't help it, he'll try to make sure they can't be seen by others but in the heat of the moment he doesn't think too well 😅.

- If you're much smaller than him in height he'll absolutely swoon over you, he thinks you're so tiny and cute to him!!! I love whenever people have him call the reader Maus but i offer König calling you Hase (bunny) because its adorable.

[stwritings]

I Warned You

Synopsis

The aftermath of Eddie and reader's night together following a bad drug trip. Requested part 2, you can read part 1 here!

What To Expect/Warnings

This is a rather heavy topic and potentially triggering to some so please proceed with caution. ♡

No use of y/n, smut, 18+!!!, toxic relationship, mentions of drug use & peer pressuring, alcohol consumption/intoxication, brief mentions of eating/description of food, anxiety/brief mention of panic attack, hurt/comfort, violence, angst, mutual pining, slight emotional & physical cheating (reader is aware of it and feels bad), happy ending.

Let me know if i missed anything! (also this is my first time writing smut so pls bare with me🥺)

Dawn broke in the Munson's cozy home when the sound of the trailer door shutting stirred Eddie out of his sleep; his uncle had returned from work.

It took Eddie a few seconds to gather why he was laying on his back, seeing as he was normally a stomach sleeper. His body also seemed to be overheating, which was also cause for confusion. Post inspections of his surroundings quickly cleared up his confusion as he noticed the weight of her head on his chest, along with the heavy blanket draped on top of them. The trailer usually didn't offer much insulation from the cold outdoors, so this newfound warmth from her presence felt nice. The feeling was foreign, but nice nonetheless.

He lightly hummed in content and began shutting his eyes again before quickly snapping them wide open.

The events of the night prior came flooding back, dragging him out of the moment. A mournful feeling washed over him as he thought back on the state of fear and discomfort she was in. He still couldn't believe how little compassion or care was shown from her boyfriend. Was he even one bit worried about her unknown whereabouts? Her safety? For all he knew, his girlfriend could be in serious danger or worse... Sadly, Samuel didn't seem to care. He had shown his true colors that night, and they weren't pretty.

Despite this, Eddie couldn't help this gnawing feeling of guilt starting to build in the pit of his stomach. Samuel didn't deserve an ounce of sympathy, but Eddie was a good person, and he felt pretty scummy laying in bed with his girlfriend, no matter how pure his intentions were. He also worried about her reaction once she woke up, would she have any recollection of the events that had transpired? The last thing he wanted was for her to think he had taken advantage of her while in such a vulnerable state.

Not wanting to risk making her feel uncomfortable, he attempted to get out of bed by gently sliding from under her. After successfully freeing one of his arms, his efforts were overshadowed by her readjusting even closer to him, letting out a tranquil sigh once she was settled. Eddie froze, his prior discomfort regarding the situation had now worsened now that her body was tangled tightly around his. He briefly thought of waking her, but upon glancing at the clock on his bedside table, he figured he would let her sleep in some more. Besides, it was only 6 am.

_

Eddie stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity following his failed attempts at falling asleep. He laid in bed listening to the tv quietly playing from the living room and tried following along with whatever show Wayne had put on. He quickly gave up after a while, the volume being too low for him to understand anything. He gently leaned over to get a glimpse at the clock now reading 8:35 am. She was still fast asleep, not showing any sign of waking up soon. He figured he may as well relax a little and untense, accepting that he'd be there a while. He began lightly stroking her hair as his arm was once again trapped under her head. He thanked his lucky stars neither of them had been scheduled to work that weekend.

-

10:51 am

She began to gently stir awake, her eyes remaining closed. She fought to stay asleep for as long as she could, not wanting that feeling of serenity to fade. She leaned into the man embracing her, momentarily forgetting she had spent the night at Eddie's. She took in the feeling of him, appreciating his presence with all of her senses. His warm body holding her while his hand lightly caressed her head. His shallow sleepy breathing causing her head to gently rise as his chest did. His sweet yet musky scent filling the air. It was unbelievably comforting, the feeling overwhelming in the best way possible.

The moment was perfect, and she never wanted it to end.

She shifted slightly in an attempt to get closer to him, despite already having most of her body resting on his form. Her movements yielded the results she was hoping for as Eddie pulled her closer as his grip tightened lovingly. He sighed sleepily and hummed in content, the small reaction made her stomach flip. No longer able to fight her state of consciousness, she slowly opened her eyes scanning the room around her while being careful not to disturb Eddie with any harsh movements.

The reality of last night's events started to dawn on her, and she was quickly met with the feeling of her aching body. She was now painfully aware of the searing headache, along with her desperate need for water. This was far worse than any hangover she had felt before, granted, she had never done hard drugs before.

She felt like she was rotting from the inside; body, mind and spirit... She felt drained in every sense of the word, but especially mentally. The come down from whatever she had taken wasn't done messing with her yet, taking a toll on her well being well into the next day. There was an overwhelming sense of dread looming over her, one she couldn't seem to shake.

She knew there would be hell to face once she returned to her apartment, no matter how hard she'd try to keep the peace. She unintentionally tightened her grip on Eddie's shirt, her body becoming rigid. Unbeknownst to her, Eddie wasn't asleep but rather resting his eyes and was quick to notice her change in demeanor. Worried he was overstepping or making her uncomfortable, he loosened his hold and inched away slightly, tilting his head downwards to face her.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, his tone low and husky.

His sudden words startled her slightly, her head snapping up to meet his gaze. She paused for a moment, admiring his face while taking in his beauty. It was almost unfair that he looked this lovely in the morning. His hair fell perfectly, only a few strands out of place. There was a shimmer in his eyes that she had never noticed before. He still had a few pillow markings on his face, most likely caused from sleeping on his face at some point in the night. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of him, his worried gaze softened into a warm smile of his own as he waited for her response.

"Hi" she whispered, unintentionally ignoring his previous inquiry.

"Hi" he responded while chuckling lightly.

They stared at one another for a few minutes, unsure of how to break the silence. Their faces were inches away from each other, her body still tangled with his. The air was thick with unspoken feelings becoming harder to ignore. They were both painfully aware of their longing for one another, trying to gage what their next move should be. Her morals were becoming greyer by the second, her feelings for Eddie taking precedent. Eddie on the other hand was hoping she would make the first move while cursing himself for thinking this way. For a brief moment, she came close to giving in, feeling her face begin to move closer to his. She reluctantly halted her movements, knowing in her heart that it was the right thing to do.

Eddie's heart just about stopped in that moment. He was so hopeful and it broke him to see her change of heart in real time. He wanted nothing more than to be with her, to cherish her for all she was worth. But it wasn't his place, and he certainly wouldn't be the one to bring up romantic feelings.

She began to withdraw from his hold, sitting up on the bed to face him. The feeling of loneliness found it's way back to her heart the moment she left his embrace. Eddie noticed her shift in behavior and began to worry he had in fact overstepped. He couldn't help but think that their friendship would forever be changed. He was plagued with a million questions, none of which he truly wanted the answers to. The biggest one being, what now? Does life resume as it once was with no mention of that evening? Would there always be these unresolved feelings that wouldn't be acknowledged? Eddie knew he would forever see her in a different light, unable to bare the mere mention of her boyfriend. It was all too much. All he could do was smile apologetically at her as they sat in silence. After a few seconds, the quietness in the room was growing uncomfortable and she felt obliged to speak. "I'm sorry about all that" she began.

"'Bout what?" he replied genuinely.

"Everything"

Her body was slightly slumped over now, eyes glued to her fingers she was picking at nervously. She wasn't sure how to elaborate on her apology. She was overcome by a massive wave of guilt, feeling as though she was letting everyone down. She knew Eddie had feelings for her, now more than ever, and it tore her up. Putting him through all this crap, subjecting him to Samuel's antics. She felt horrible, Eddie deserved nothing but the best and she was giving him the opposite.

Eddie didn't respond right away, unsure what to say. He instinctively reached out his hand to place it softly on top of hers in a comforting gesture. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She sighed heavily, shutting her eyes tightly in an effort to suppress her tears forming involuntarily. "I shouldn't have stayed here..." she let out weakly.

Eddie's heart sank once again. "Look, I... I didn't mean to make things weird between us. I'm sorry if I did. I can drive you home now if you want?" he offered, trying his best not to sound crushed.

"Could you?" she asked, still unable to make eye contact.

"Of course, let me uh, let me get changed quick."

She nodded and began getting out of the bed, heading towards the bedroom door. Eddie was quick to stop her, not wanting to risk the possibility of Wayne being woken up. He offered for her to wait in his room as he excused himself to the bathroom after grabbing a fresh set of clothes. She nodded, plopping back down onto his bed.

As she waited in his bedroom alone, the dam broke. Tears began to spill from her eyes uncontrollably, her attempts at composure unsuccessful. Eddie returned to the bedroom quicker than anticipated, catching her off guard. Upon noticing her distress, he quickly crouched down in front of her just as he had the night before to try and mend whatever was causing her to be this upset.

She met his concerned eyes and noticed the amount of sincerity and love behind them. For whatever reason, this made her incredibly emotional. She had reached a breaking point and was now sobbing violently. It was the type of cry that makes a person fold over, wrapping their arms around themselves in an attempt at self-soothing.

"Oh.." he voiced in a broken tone. Eddie quickly wrapped his arms around her. He swiftly pulled her onto his lap, his previous posture being slightly awkward and hard on his knees. He began slowly rubbing her back in attempts to sooth her as she buried her face in his chest.

He hated seeing her this upset, no matter the reason. He never wanted to see it again, for the simple fact that it absolutely broke him. She was trembling in his arms from the force of her sobs, nearly hyperventilating. He whispered sweet nothings in an attempt to comfort her. A combination of 'you're safe', 'I've got you', 'it's gonna be okay', 'breathe', etc.

They remained in this position for well over 20 minutes, as she desperately tried to catch her breath. Once her sobbing had subsided, she slowly lifted her head off of him. She stared into the distance, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. Eddie brought his hand up to her face and slowly guided her to look at him.

"Hey..." he said softly, smiling meekly. With his hand still cupping her face, he started gently stroking his thumb on her damp cheek, trying to wipe away some of her tears. She took a few shaky breaths while attempting to return the smile. This panic attack had absolutely drained her and she was exhausted. Her body melted under his touch as she rested her head against his chest once more, wrapping her arms around him. He pulled her closer, placing one hand onto the back of her head, the other hand rubbing her back still.

"I'm sorry..." she muttered into his chest.

"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked once more.

She sighed at the thought, lifting her head off of his chest. "I don't know."

"Okay, why don't I get you some tissues?" he offered, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, that's a good start." she said, laughing lightly as she noticed Eddie's tear stained shirt.

"Alright. Be right back." he replied gently patting her back, signaling that she needed to get up in order for him to complete the task at hand. She got the message and moved off of him, sluggishly getting back into his bed. She wrapped the blankets around her head as she had the night before, seeking any form of comfort during Eddie's absence. He returned to the room quickly with the box of tissues, extending his arm out to hand them to her. She grabbed the box and began to blot at her face. Eddie remained standing while she freshened up, slowly pacing around his room, pretending to look at anything else. Once he thought he had heard the last blow of her nose, he turned towards her. "May I?" he asked while gesturing to the bed.

She nodded, silently giving him permission to climb in next to her. He sat up against the wall, wanting to give her space, while she sat opposite of him. "Could I stay here a little longer?" she asked quietly, her eyes once again fixed on her nails.

He smiled at her request. "You can stay as long as you like." he answered.

A shy grin formed on her face and she slowly crept closer to him, once again resting her head on his chest as she laid beside him. The room grew quiet, leaving Eddie with his thoughts. He understood that now, more than ever, comfort was what she needed most. He gently stroked her hair until she eventually fell asleep, undoubtedly exhausted from her intense emotions over the last 24 hours.

-

1:22 pm

Unaware that she had drifted off, she woke up once again curled up in Eddie's hold. She groggily lifted her head looking up at him only to be met with a warm smile.

"Afternoon." he greeted in a low voice, grinning as he admired her sleepy face. She hummed in response while rubbing her eyes. She contorted her body to get a view of the clock, noting the time. A sinking feeling rushed over her; she knew she had to get back to her appartement sooner than later. Her head fell back gently onto Eddie's chest, groaning in frustration. Eddie couldn't help but snicker at her grumpiness, she seemed to be feeling more like herself. Upon hearing him laugh, she raised her head off of his chest, leaning on her left shoulder for support as she looked up at him. He offered a warm smile, his eyes gleamed inquisitively as he waited for her to speak.

She found herself at a loss for words, once again enamored by the man mere inches from her. Her eyes kept darting from Eddie's eyes to his lips and it didn't go unnoticed. Eddie seemed visibly nervous now, his cheeks slowly turning into a light shade of pink as he waited in anticipation. She felt herself moving closer to him as if her body had a mind of it's own.

Impulsivity took over and before she could talk herself out of it, she closed the gap between them, softly kissing his lips. She withdrew almost instantly, realizing what she had just done. She moved away ever so slightly to analyze Eddie's face, desperately hoping that this wasn't a mistake. He stared at her, expressionless, unable to process what had just happened. He felt as though he had imagined the whole thing. He had to remind himself to breathe as he inhaled a big gulp of air while blinking rapidly.

She began to stutter while moving her body further from his on the opposite side of the bed. She stuttered, trying to formulate a sentence as she scolded herself for her reckless actions.

"I.. I'm so sorry Eddie... I shouldn't have done that. That was stu-"

Her words were interrupted by Eddie carefully leaning forward and placing a hand on the side of her face. He paused, gazing into her eyes lovingly then brought his other hand next to her on the bed to provide support as he leaned in. The moment she felt his lips on hers again, she felt immense relief. He kissed her with intent, but it wasn't aggressive. It was... loving.. longing. She felt like he had been waiting years to kiss her and that no person or other-worldly force could separate them in this moment.

As he gently broke away, they exchanged flustered gazes and chuckled excitedly. It had been a very long 24 hours, and this sweet moment was exactly what they needed. Eddie leaned back in to kiss her once more, this time with more passion and certainty. The force with which he kissed her made her arms give out, her body falling backwards onto the mattress. This didn't stop them but rather added fuel to the raging fire. The intensity of the kiss made for a few awkward mishaps of teeth clattering and unsynchronized movements, but they eventually found the perfect rhythm.

Her tongue danced it's way into his mouth, in a desperate search for his. This sudden action cause Eddie to gasp lightly as he obliged and reciprocated the movement with his own.

Eddie adjusted his body ever so slightly causing her to part her legs, inviting him to rest comfortably between them as they continued to kiss. The room was getting warmer, their actions growing more desperate. All these months of pent up longing was finally being released as they explored one another. Her hand had found it's way to his messy head of hair whilst his found her waist.

It had been a very long time since she had felt this level of intimacy or crave for someone and it was taking over her. Consuming her mind and clouding her better judgement. Their bodies began to shift simultaneously, both desperately seeking some sort of friction to relieve the building ache they were feeling for one another. She wrapped her legs around his hips, resulting in his body pressing up against hers.

She could feel Eddie's hot breath as he moved to kiss her neck, his hips stuttered as they lined up perfectly with her core. Even through the fabric of both of their pants, the feeling sent shivers down her spine. He was big, she could tell. A stifled moan escaped her lips but Eddie was quick to shush her with a kiss, suddenly remembering that his uncle was only a few feet away from them in the living room. He continued his movements, grinding against her core as she matched his pace. Her cheeks were flushed from the intensity of the moment, it was as if the whole room was spinning. She broke away from the kiss suddenly, breathing out Eddie's name as she did so. He froze for a moment, once again fearing he had crossed a line.

“I just…I don't want you to think that…that this is just….” she trailed off, sighing deeply in frustration. Of all the times she could be tongue tied, now was not the time! She closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to find the right words, then opened them in search of Eddie's sweet doe eyes, desperately wanting to convey sincerity. “I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, I just couldn’t…”

Eddie picked up on her intended words right away, smiling down at her as he nodded quickly. He felt relief along with a slight sense of validation. It was nice to know that he wasn't imagining this chemistry between them. And hearing that she felt the same as he did? Well, that just sent him over the moon. He began planting gentle kisses on her cheek before looking at her face once more. “I know, baby. I know... Me too.”

She returned the same excited smile he adorned and leaned up to kiss him once more. Her quick movement upwards coupled with Eddie's downward motion led to their teeth clanking together awkwardly. They both froze and began laughing at the silly moment. Her head fell back down onto the bed, and she brought her hand up to his face, gently rubbing her thumb along his cheek. Eddie closed his eyes and hummed, this sweet gesture of intimacy had him reeling.

"If this is gonna happen, i think we should..." she trailed off and paused before correcting her choice of words. "I want to do this right."

She always knew Eddie was a respectful man, a gentleman, but it never failed to make her heart skip a beat when he would display this type of character. At her words, he instantly withdrew from her hold, sitting upright in front of her as he ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted his now, very, tight pants. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Yeah, of course, whatever you need." he assured lovingly, still flustered.

-

After quietly exiting the Munson residence and completing the half hour drive, they arrived at her apartment complex. She knew she couldn't stay with Samuel, nor did she want to, but she worried about returning home, even for the brief moment that it would take her to pack her essential belongings and end the relationship. She feared the worst reaction from him, but unfortunately, confrontation was inevitable. She wasn't sure how to go about doing it, she just knew that it had to be done.

She nervously opened the car door and smiled weakly at Eddie. He offered to come upstairs with her, but she knew that would only make things worse. He reluctantly obliged and waited in the car as she made her way to the entrance of the building, but not before giving him the appartement number just in case. She soon disappeared behind the closing doors of the elevator, hoping for the best.

As she reached her front door, she couldn't help but notice the blaring music coming from their unit. She reached for the doorknob, assuming she wouldn't be needing her key to unlock it and slowly pushed the door open. As expected, Samuel was home laying on their sofa with a nearly empty bottle of gin in hand. He didn't seem to notice her come in initially, so she took this opportunity to hurry off to their bedroom.

Fearing the worst, she felt it was best she end things with him in the morning when he wasn't intoxicated. She was hoping he had passed out on the sofa as he often did, and began to pack a bag as quietly and quickly as she could. Her hopes were quickly met with disappointment when she heard the bedroom door swing open and Samuel stumbling in.

"Nice of you to show up." he slurred, anger coating his tone. She didn't respond right away, which further aggravated him. "Where the fuck have you been?" he persisted.

"At a friend's." she lied, feeling it was best to bend the truth for her own safety.

"That's not what i'm asking." he spat, clearly referring to the unaccounted two days.

"Can we not do this right now? Let's talk in the morning when you've sobered up." she pleaded, knowing reasoning with him in this state was next to impossible.

"I'm fine, you know what isn't though?" he began, starting towards her aggressively. "Whoring yourself around and then showing up 2 days later acting like nothing happened."

His eyes with red with anger. He took another swig of the bottle before letting out a sinister laugh as he spoke. "Going home with some guy you met at the party? After everything I've done for you!"

He was mere inches from her face now, his hold on the liquor bottle tightening as he became angrier.

"You left me, Samuel!" she fired back, no longer able to suppress her emotions. "I wasn't okay, and you just left me! You didn't care. How long did it even take for you to realize I was gone?" Tears began to form in her eyes but she blinked them away, refusing to succumb to the hurt he had caused her.

"Oh my.. Don't fucking cry and try to turn this on me. You always do this." he yelled as he retreated to the living room, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Her legs weakened and she sat back down on the bed feeling completely defeated. Her mind quickly went to Eddie, who was anxiously waiting for her downstairs, giving her some much needed strength to power through. She continued packing, grabbing her favorite articles of clothing and a few items in the bathroom before making her way to the living room to grab whatever valuables she had. Samuel was quick to notice, immediately stumbling up from the couch to confront her. "What the hell are you doing." he asked menacingly.

"Leaving you." she responded matter-of-factly as she kept packing.

Another dry evil laugh left his lips as he followed close behind, moving through their shared space. "That's funny." he said dryly.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick up the rest of my stuff." she paused, turning to face him. "I'm done, Sam. I can't do this anymore."

Her words did nothing but anger him further. He stepped closer to her, grabbing her arm tightly. His nails digging into her flesh. She winced at the contact, thrashing her arm in an attempt to free herself from his grasp.

"You can threaten to leave me all you want but you know damn well you're not gonna find anyone that's willing to put up with your shit like I do. I give it a day, you'll come back." he growled lowly, roughly releasing her arm before taking a big swig from the bottle he was still holding.

"Keep telling yourself that." she muttered coldly under her breath as she retreated to the bedroom. She took a moment to catch her breath and examine her arm. Blue markings were already starting to form from his rough hand. Her eyes widened, Samuel had never laid a hand on her before so his sudden aggressive behavior was the final push, screaming at her to get out now. She hurried towards the front door and shrieked once she opened it when she bumped into someone's chest; Eddie.

Relief instantly washed over her and she flung her arms around his torso, embracing him into a tight hug. "I told you to wait in the car." she quietly whispered whilst holding onto him.

"I got worried, you were taking so long." he responded, kissing the top of her head.

Samuel overheard the commotion and began observing from the living room. The sight of his now ex-girlfriend embracing another man lit a fire under him. He made his way towards them, flinging the botte of gin mere inches from her head. It made contact with the wall and shattered, glass flying everywhere. A small shard ricocheted off of her face, drawing blood. Shock and adrenaline prevented her from feeling the cut, she was frozen in place as her eyes locked with Samuel's who was marching over to her. Eddie was quick to step in front of her, anger now prevalent on his face.

"Is this the guy you've been screwing?" he yelled without slowing his pace. He seemed unphased by Eddie's presence, trying to bypass him to get to her. Once face to face, Samuel tried to shove his way passed Eddie unsuccessfully given his smaller form. He tried shoving his way through again, growing more agitated at his failure to do so. In a final attempt, he used both of his hands to push Eddie in the chest, yelling out insults and trying to instigate a fight. Eddie pushed him back, causing him to stumble a few feet away.

"Cool it, alright. Before I beat the shit out of you." Eddie said sternly before leaning down to grab the duffle bag she had dropped while hugging him.

This gave Samuel a clear view of her, a frightened expression displayed on her face. She couldn't think of anything to say, fearing it would trigger a negative reaction from him. He starred at her with an icy expression, before retreating to the kitchen.

"Come on, let's go..." Eddie spoke softly, gently placing a hand on the small of her back guiding her out of the appartement. They stopped in their tracks as they heard more glass breaking from the kitchen. Against her better judgement, she slowly inched back into the entrance, Eddie following closely behind her.

Once in view of the kitchen, she could see the source of the racket. Samuel had picked up a baseball bat they kept by their balcony door and was smashing hanged pictures on the wall. Glass littered the floor along with broken picture frames.

"You did this!" he yelled. "You ruined us. You stupid bitch!"

He flung a slew of insults at her while smacking the bat against any fragile surface he came into contact with.

"Sam, please stop." she cried, her eyes filling with tears once more.

He ignored her request and continued on with his rampage, making his way towards the living room. He began hitting their shared stereo, the music that was still blaring began to distort until it ultimately stopped completely. She was frozen in place, horrified by his outburst. Eddie gently placed a hand on her shoulder, quietly suggesting they leave before things got any uglier. She obliged, a sob involuntarily escaping her lips.

They were halfway out the door, Eddie leading the way, when he heard the distinct sound of the bat smacking against the wall. Too close for comfort. He spun around as he heard her yelp out in pain and was met with rage. Samuel had made his way to them once more. This time, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her backwards while uttering threats as he forced her head inches from his face.

Now, Eddie wasn't a violent person. Contrary to popular belief, he had only ever gotten in a couple of fights, none of which he ever instigated. That being said, he was very protective of the people he loved, and god help anyone who dared threaten their safety or well being. In this moment, Eddie saw red. The pent up anger that had been building following the night of the party where he saw first hand the mistreatment she was facing, most likely on a day to day basis was all he could think about. The flood gates opened and without a moment of hesitation, he sprung into action. He hurried back into the apartment, carefully maneuvering past her and grabbing onto Samuel's shirt as he began hitting him with his free hand. Samuel's grip on her hair instantly released as he fell to the ground. Eddie dropped to his knees, his punches never slowing as he continued to hit him. Bringing a hand up to soothe the sore spot left from Samuel's harsh grasp, she watched on in shock.

"I warned you, you piece of shit!" he kept yelling in between punches. Samuel attempted to fight back at first, but it was no use. Eddie had overpowered him early on, and the sheer force behind each hit lead to a total knock out. It was the she felt she needed to step in.

"Eddie... stop..." she muttered quietly, still stunned by the scene unfolding before her.

He didn't stop though. He was in a anger-fueled trance that prevented him from hearing her words. He finally snapped out of it and spun around quickly after feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder. His fist was still clenched as he came back down to earth, a mixture of both his and Samuel's blood splayed over his knuckles. Once he registered who he was looking at, he lowered his fist. His pupils were blown out and he was out of breath. He turned to look at the damage he had caused and instantly felt remorse. Two punches would have been plenty, this was overkill.

From the looks of it, he had broken Samuel's nose and given him black eyes. His face was already starting to swell and he was out cold.

"Oh my god... I..." he stuttered, falling back on the heals of his feet. He was starring at the ground, shock painted on his face. She kneeled down next to Eddie and placed a hand onto his functional one in a gentle, comforting gesture.

"It's okay, he'll be fine. This isn't the first time he's gotten the shit kicked out of him." she reassured.

"But I..."

"You're okay, it's okay." she interrupted, speaking quietly, reassuringly. Her other hand met his cheek as she gently lifted his face to meet hers. His eyes, now glossy, met her gaze.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, noticing the cut on her cheek. He slowly brought his hand up to her face, being careful not to touch the open wound.

"Yeah... Yeah, im okay." she reassured him in a quiet, loving voice. "Can we please go?"

"Yeah um, what about...?" he trailed off motioning towards her ex boyfriends stilled body behind him.

She gently shook her head no as she stood, extending her arms in an offer to help Eddie up. He understood immediately. She had ran out of sympathy or care for Samuel, he was no longer her problem to fix.

-

Back at the trailer, they stumbled through the front door sluggishly, the adrenaline now fully worn off. They came face to face with Eddie's uncle who quicky sat up from the couch after seeing their disheveled states.

"Jesus..." he gasped under his breath while staring at Eddie. "Boy, you look like hell. What happened?" he asked, a confused but concerned look growing on his face. His eyes met hers and he instantly rose from the reclining sofa. "Let me get the first aid kit."

Eddie nodded in agreement, making his way to the sofa as she followed close behind him. Wayne returned with the small box of supplies, handing it to her.

"There you are, darlin'."

"Thank you Mr. Munson" she replied sweetly.

She began to work on patching up Eddie's hand, gently dabbing at his sore knuckles, attempting to remove the blood that had coagulated. Every wince of pain that came from her gentle touches was followed by soft apologies as she tried her best to remove most of the gunk from his hand. His skin was raw, and she quickly realized that most of the blood on his hand was actually his. His hand had swollen twice it's normal size, and she suspected he had broken a knuckle or two. If not, they were definitely bruised to the highest degree. She applied bandages once the cleaning process was complete and quietly excused herself to the bathroom.

The men stepped outside for a much needed cigarette and Eddie filled Wayne in on their hectic afternoon. He admitted to feeling guilty and despising how violent he had gotten, especially in front of her. He worried that his behavior may have altered the way she thought of him or that she might be afraid of him now.

"Boy, you and me both know that ain't never gon' happen. What you did back there was justified."

"You didn't see his face..." he responded while staring at his feet.

"Don't need to. Been in enough fights myself, kid. I reckon you beat him pretty good." he said while motioning to Eddie's mangled knuckles.

"Hell, I would have. Lost his damn mind thinkin' he can hit a lady..." he trailed off, shaking his head while bringing the cigarette to his mouth. "Look, you feelin' bad about it just proves that you're a good person. I wouldn't have, what does that say about me?"

A smile crept on Eddie's face at his uncle's words. He thought the world of him and could say with absolute certainty that he was a good character, despite his admission. "Thanks uncle."

"'Course. Now go check on your lil' lady, make sure she's alright." he ordered with care.

"She's not my lil' lady." Eddie smiled bashfully.

"Well you better go on and change that!" Wayne retorted sassily.

Eddie chuckled, brought his hand up to his uncle's shoulder to give it a pat and headed inside the trailer. He made his way towards the bathroom where the door was ajar. He lightly knocked, opening it after hearing her quietly grant him permission to enter. She was sitting on the edge of the bath tub when she looked up at him and smiled. He walked towards her, closing the toilet seat lid to sit on it.

"How you holdin' up?" he asked. She wasn't crying and appeared to be calm, which surprised him.

"Is it awful to say, good?" she spoke carefully, contorting her face slightly. "I don't know, it's like this massive weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. All this time i never realize how much he was weighing me down..." she trailed off, staring at her hands.

"No, i get it. Makes perfect sense." he spoke softly, matching her tone. His eyes never left her face, admiring her every feature including the newly added band-aid on her cheek. "How's your face?"

"S'fine, surface level cut."

"Good." he replied with care while staring adoringly into her eyes.

Their moment was interrupted by Wayne poking his head into the bathroom. "Sorry to interrupt, i'm fixin' to start on dinner soon, will you be joining us?"

She looked up at Eddie, seeking approval, not wanting to impose. He met her gaze with a warm inviting smile which she returned before turning to face his uncle. "If you don't mind..." she replied gratefully.

Wayne nodded before making his way to the kitchen to begin dinner preparations. They were once again left in each other's company and Eddie suggested they exit the bathroom to find a more spacious area to hangout in. She agreed, letting Eddie lead them to his bedroom, shutting the door behind them to give his uncle space in the kitchen. Wayne was a simple man who seldom said much, he especially enjoyed peace and quiet while he was cooking.

Once in the room, she settled on his bed as she had grown comfortable doing so while Eddie pulled out the chair by his desk to sit on. Despite everything they had been through in such a short period of time, he still worried about overstepping and wanted to ensure to respect her boundaries and give her space when really, he was burning with love and desire.

Unbeknownst to him, space was the last thing on her mind. Ever since Eddie had held her in his arms and demonstrated such gentle love and care, she had been craving it. Craving something she never knew she so desperately needed. His touch was something she had never felt before, it was electric. Without ever saying it, Eddie had showed her just how much he cared and had restored her faith in love. It wasn't until she felt his touch that she had realized just how awful her relationship with Samuel was, and how desperately she craved to be loved.

She gazed up at him, an involuntary smile creeping on her face when she noticed he had been observing her from across the room. She didn't want to waste any more time dwelling on the the past and decided to act upon her feelings.

"You comfy over there?" she asked playfully.

"You know, it's actually much more comfortable than it appears" he replied, using his legs as propellors, gently spinning the chair.

"You know what else is comfortable?"

"What's that?"

"Your bed." she quipped with a cheeky smile while patting the empty space next to her.

Eddie was quick to get up, making his way to the bed. He playfully stretched both of his arms the way an athlete would while warming up before a work out and dived into the bed next to her. The sheer force of his body hitting the mattress jolted her up slightly and she yelped. Eddie turned onto his side to face her, admiring her smile as she came down from the high of laughing. She was laying on her back, turning her face to look at him. "Hi." she said quietly.

"Hi" he repeated, a big dorky smile plastered on his face.

She shifted to her side, her body now facing his and pulled the covers up to her nose.

"Oh, gettin' shy on me now, are ya?" he teased.

"M'not!" she playfully snapped back, the blanket muffling her voice.

"So what's this about then? You get cold all of a sudden?"

"I like your bed, it's cozy." she replied closing her eyes and letting out a sigh.

Her words brought him back to the night she first stayed over. He couldn't stop thinking about how his presence alone helped to comfort her in her state of distress. The idea that someone he loved could potentially feel the same way was almost overwhelming. His stomach was constantly fluttering when she was around; he was lovestruck.

"What's your uncle cooking up for dinner?" she asked, interrupting his train of thought.

"Your guess is as good as mine, we never have guests so he's probably gonna try to show off his skills."

His response elicited a laugh. "Well whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be good." she paused, wanting to craft her next reply carefully. "Thank you for letting me stay here while I sort all this out."

"Of course..."

They exchanged loving eyes for a few moments before she inched her body closer to his in an attempt at cuddling. Eddie repositioned himself so he could pull her into a tight but comfortable hug. They laid together in comfortable silence until Wayne was overheard calling for them to come get some food.

They made their way to the kitchen, the smell of chicken parm prominent in the air made them realize just how hungry they were. She was pleased to see the delicious food waiting for her, not used to this kind of service at home.

"This looks amazing!" she exclaimed, quickly grabbing a plate.

Wayne politely shrugged off her compliment, muttering something about it being nothing special. Eddie refused to let his modesty cast a shadow on the quality of the meal, and reinforced her praise. This evoked a timid smile from his uncle, as he insisted they stop with the pleasantries and have a seat before the food got cold. Given that the dinner table only seated two, they made their way to the sofa to enjoy their meal allowing Wayne to sat at the table, facing the pair.

-

They sat in the living room for a solid half hour once they finished eating, continuously praising Wayne for the quality of their meal. She eventually got up with her and Eddie's plates and made her way towards the sink. She returned to retrieve Wayne's dish before being abruptly stopped.

"What do you think you're doin'?" Wayne protested, pulling his plate towards him and furrowing his brows.

"Oh, uh I was gonna do the dishes." she replied unsurely.

He hummed shaking his head in response. "You're a guest in our home, I certainly won't be havin' you doin' chores. Eddie can take care of those."

She turned to face the now less than pleased looking metal head grimacing over the sudden task he had been assigned. She stifled a laugh by pressing her lips together before looking at Wayne once more.

"It's the least I can do! Really, I'm happy to do it." she persisted sweetly. "Besides, don't you have to work tonight?'

Wayne reluctantly handed her the plate, thanking her while doing so. He gave Eddie an impressed look once she turned her back. His nephew had only ever brought home a couple of girls, but she was by far the most well-mannered one to date. He assumed Eddie had told her he worked nights at the plant, but having her take note of it and be so considerate of his schedule was much appreciated. He motioned with his head for Eddie to go help her tidy the kitchen, excusing himself to the bathroom to freshen up for work.

-

By the time the dishes were washed, Wayne was heading off to work while wishing them a good night. Eddie suggested they watch a movie which ended up being more difficult then either of them had anticipated. For the first time since they had known each other, they were met with a conflict; picking a movie. Eddie was a big fan of the horror and thriller genre, watching almost exclusively those types of films whereas she didn't care for that type at all. She enjoyed romcoms or westerns, two genres that happened to be Eddie's least favorite. Such a small clash in taste lead to a playful yet heated debate yielding little results.

"I'm telling you, if you just give this movie a chance i bet you'll enjoy it!" she stated with certainty.

"No way, I've seen my fair share of lame westerns no thanks to Wayne and they're all the same!! Old men in the desert shooting guns and riding around on horses. It's garbage!"

"It's classic." she corrected him. "And I could say the same about those scary movies you like so much. Why does being scared while watching a movie sound appealing to you, anyway?"

"It's exciting!! Keeps you on your toes!" he exclaimed.

"You know what else is exciting? Action movies, which, if i'm not mistaken, The Shadow Riders falls into that category..." she trailed off, her tone raising in a sing-songy way.

"No westerns." he insisted, punctuating each syllable.

"Fine." she sighed, snatching the remote from his hold. "What about The Breakfast Club? Have you ever seen it?"

"Nope, don't want to either." he replied stubbornly.

"Eddieeee...." she whined, collapsing dramatically on the couch. Her actions elicited a laugh from him as he snatched the remote back.

"Alright, alright. Let's see..." he trailed off as he scrolled through the catalogue. "Child's Play?"

"What's that about?" she mumbled, her face still buried in the sofa cushion.

"A murderous doll on a rampage." he stated matter-of-factly.

"Sure."

"Wait, really?" he exclaimed excitedly.

She lifted her head off the sofa before saying: "No." with a playful grin.

Eddie, now mimicking her prior dramatics went limp, sliding his body off of the couch and onto the floor letting out a pained grown. She laughed, joining him on the ground.

"This is brutal." he said while chuckling.

"Tell me about it. Got any games we could play instead?" she offered, admitting defeat in their attempts at compromising on a film to watch.

"We've got cards somewhere, let me have a look."

After a few minutes of searching random drawers in the dining area, he returned with a small deck of cards.

"Uh, this is all we have..." he offered timidly.

Upon observing the pack, her face lit up and she grinned wildly. "No way, Wizard?! I love that game!" she exclaimed.

"You do?" Eddie's smile was growing by the second. Next to D&D, Wizard was his favorite game to play. Truthfully, he was pleasantly surprised that she had even heard of it, let alone seemed to enjoy it as much as he did.

"Don't act so surprised." she retorted with feigned offence.

"No, it's just... I didn't think you were into this kind of stuff." he said, inadvertently blushing.

"Nerdy stuff?" she quipped. "Well, I've only ever played once... But I loved it!"

"Shall we play then?" he said excitedly while lightly shaking the deck of cards side to side.

"Let's do it, I ought to warn you though, I annihilated my friends last time." she provoked.

"Alright well I'll have you know, I've never lost a game, so..." he trailed off making a silly, challenging face.

"You're on." she playfully retorted.

-

A couple of hours and a few beers deep led the pair to lose interest in the card game. Eddie had won most of the matches anyway. They were sprawled out on the living room floor, deep in conversation when she suggested they move to a more comfortable spot, noting how sore her elbows were getting from propping herself up off the ground. Eddie agreed and guided them to his bedroom, feeling a bit tired himself.

Once in the room, Eddie gathered some clothes and excused himself to go change in the bathroom. This gave her time to pull out some sleep shorts and an oversized tee and get dressed herself. Once comfortable in bed, Eddie walked back into the bedroom wearing checkered pajama pants and a CCR band tee. She glanced at the shirt, then at his face with a cheeky grin.

"CCR, huh?" she playfully questioned, brows raised.

He paused for a moment, seemingly caught off guard by her comment. "They... You know, they're a good band!" he paused as he noticed her struggling to keep a straight face. "Shut up!" he exclaimed playfully while getting into bed.

She giggled before responding. "I never said they were bad! I just didn't take you as a fan!"

"Yeah, well... You can thank Wayne for that..." he chuckled while shaking his head, the memories of his uncle and him bonding over this genre of music came flooding back into his mind. She smiled at his response and got closer to him, her head once again finding it's way onto his chest. She pondered for a few minutes, then chose to speak up, not wanting Eddie to succumb to his tired state.

"Thank you... For everything." she said while her fingers traced patterns on his chest. He squeezed her shoulder lovingly in response and kissed the top of her head. A silence lingered in the room as the pair waited for one another to speak up. It wasn't awkward by any means but simply quiet, peaceful, as they both laid together.

Thoughts of Samuel began to plague her once more, until she felt Eddie's warm touch, rubbing her arm soothingly. She suddenly was brought back to the present, realizing that her ex boyfriend no longer had a hold over her. He could no longer dictate her actions or jeopardize her happiness. She felt her heart flutter, feeling a sense of newfound freedom and excitement washing over her. She gazed up at Eddie who returned a loving glance and smiled from cheek to cheek, blushing slightly. She felt a lump in her throat from excitement and pushed herself to make the leap. Fuck it.

She inched her body forward, close enough to give Eddie a sweet kiss on the cheek. She talked herself out of a proper kiss on the lips, wanting to gage his reaction first. As she pulled away, she once again looked at him sweetly and paused. The ball was now in his court.

Eddie couldn't believe this had all worked out in his favor. In both of their favors. He was so incredibly relieved that she was able to get away from Samuel, while selfishly praising every deity there was for giving him a sliver of hope that, maybe... Just maybe... He could get the girl. Eddie was so caught up in his thoughts that he just stared on, admiring her features. He finally snapped out of it when she leaned in once more, this time committing to his lips.

Despite having kissed before, this time felt different. The intensity of it grew rapidly, Eddie making quick work to sit up against the wall and help pull her up onto his lap. She straddled his thighs, trying her hardest to never break away from the kiss. Her hand found it's way to the nape of his neck, while the other was exploring his body, moving from his chest to his waist.

With the house being vacant apart from the both of them, Eddie was a lot more vocal that he had been earlier that day. His breathing quickened the more they kissed and small breathy moans began to escape his lips with every small rhythmic movement her hips would make. She snaked her hand under his shirt, making her way to his back. There, she lightly scratched it with her nails, resulting in an elongated groan from the riled up metal head. He took her face into his hands and began kissing her more intently, expertly slipping his tongue into her mouth. This warranted a positive reply from her as she grinded her hips harder against his now very hard cock. She retracted her hand from his backside and broke awake from the kiss, urgently working to remove Eddie's shirt. He obliged, hurriedly taking off the band tee and chucking it across the room. Before he could do the same to her top, she was already tossing it to the ground, exposing her breasts to him for the first time.

Like a deer in headlights, Eddie froze, his mouth hanging agape as he gazed upon what was, in his opinion, the prettiest set of tits he had ever seen in his life. She halted her movements, analyzing his reaction to her exposed chest and couldn't help but giggle at his frozen state.

"You okay?" she asked shyly.

Eddie blinked rapidly as he now looked her in the eyes. "Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry... I uh.. I mean, wow..."

She giggled once more at how flustered he was and leaned in to kiss him once more. She resumed her movements, earning a strained moan from Eddie as he kissed her passionately. His hands found their way to her chest, as he gently but firmly began to fondle. He winced slightly at the pain from his sore hand but desperately tried to ignore it. (Priorities, am I right?)

He broke away from her lips and began planting soft kisses on her neck. She sighed, moving her head back to expose more of the area. Eddie gently nibbled and sucked onto the sensitive spot, making sure to leave a mark. He grinned in the nape of her neck when she let out a near pornographic moan and grinded harder against him.

"Take these off." he instructed as he gently moved his hand to her thigh and tapped it.

"Only if you do." she responded playfully. She couldn't help but stare at Eddie's bare chest. His tattoos seemed to have been placed by the Gods. He was toned, especially in his arms and shoulders, though he had a small pudgy stomach that drove her crazy. She could feel her mouth watering and her eyes drowning in desire as she waited for him to undress. She was so caught up in her daze that she almost forgot their pact. It wasn't until Eddie started to shift away from her to gain access to his bottoms that she clued in and began removing her sleep shorts. She tossed the fabric onto the ground and settled on the bed once more, where her eyes found Eddie's now fully nude body. She could feel her eyes widen and her mouth salivate as she gazed upon his large member. Her ex boyfriend wasn't small by any means, but he definitely wasn't this big.

Eddie noticed her stunned state and began feeling self conscious but those thoughts only lasted a second, fading into oblivion as she moved towards him, gently pushing his chest down so he could rest against the wall once more. She made quick work of straddling him once and leaned in for another kiss. This one is slow, sensual, she wants to take her time. She feels insanely comfortable with him, which is very new and oh so intoxicating. By now, she can feel her arousal sticking to Eddie's thighs as she continues to rock back and forth against him, desperately seeking friction to relieve this ache in her core. Finally, her hips move upwards just enough, causing her heat to grind against Eddie's throbbing cock. A strained groan escapes his lips, forcing him to break away from the kiss.

"Honey, do you... Um.." he seems conflicted, debating whether or not he should finish that thought. She looks at him, trying her best to catch her breath as she waits for him to complete his sentence.

"Uh... fuck... I don't have condoms..." he says reluctantly, palming his forehead. He begins to shift backwards, clearly understanding that this unfortunate hitch in their desired plan shouldn't be ignored.

This hitch doesn't seem to phase her though, as she softly shakes her head and leans in for another kiss. "I don't care... Just pull out. Please, i need this." she desperately moans into his mouth.

Eddie is less than convinced, knowing that the responsible thing to do would be to post-pone their sexual activities until he can get proper protection. She moves to his neck, gently planting kisses before whispering in a needy tone into his ear: "I need you, Eddie... Please... Please fuck me"

Eddie never knew he had thing for begging until this moment, but apparently that was all it took for him to throw common sense out of the window. He groaned, half in lust, the other half in slight defeat as he knew how grave the consequences could be, but nevertheless he caved. He kissed her passionately, tangling his hand into her hair. His free hand found it's way to her ass, as he grabbed a fistful and gently squeezed. She lifted herself up onto her knees in response, readjusting so she could line herself up to his member. Once there, she began grinding her hips against him, transferring her slick onto him. Eddie already felt like he was gonna bust from the friction alone, but was holding on for dear life, not wanting this moment to be over one second too soon.

As though she had heard his thoughts, she gave him one more deep kiss before smiling excitedly, and lifting her hips up once more. Eddie took the hint and took his hard cock into his hand, stroking it a few times before lining it up to her entrance. As soon as he felt the tip begin to probe at her tight hole, his eyes shut tightly and a guttural moan left his mouth. He forced himself to open his eyes once more, not wanting to miss the girl of his dreams sinking down onto him in pure bliss and pleasure.

When she finally started to sink down on his length, she couldn't help the small gasp that escapes her lips. She froze momentarily as she presses her lips together. Eddie admires her, thinking she truly is a sight for sore eyes. He brings his hand up to gently caress her cheek while he stares at her beautiful features. Her brows are tightly knit and her eyes shut. He begins to trace along her cheek with his thumb in a comforting way. “You okay?” He asks in a hushed tone, as he patiently waits for her to resume her movements.

She snaps out of her meditation and looks down at him, shooting him a timid smile. “Sorry…M’not used to it”

Eddie cocks an eyebrow, unsure of the meaning behind her comment. “Oh, are you…uh..” he trails off, he can't imagine that he would be her first, unless her previous relationship just wasn't a sexual one...

She quickly realizes that her comment was misinterpreted and quickly acts to clarify. “No, god no…” she giggles before continuing. “I mean I’m not used to it being so big…” She sighs once more as she makes another attempt at lowering herself onto him, her eyes fluttering as she does.

Eddie can’t help but feel a huge rush of adrenaline as her words give him confidence. Soon enough, she begins moving once more causing him to groans while his head falls onto the pillow. His hand that was once holding her cheek falls by his side as he brings the other one to rest on her hip. He squeezes it encouragingly as she slowly, but finally sits perfectly on his entire length. She takes a moment to get used to the feeling. Eddie’s eyes sparkle with admiration as they dart from her beautiful face to her chest, slowly rising as she sighs in pleasure. She's grinding against him as she tries to get used to the feeling of being so full. Her nails that were resting on his chest begin to slowly drag along his skin as she lifts her body, only to slam it back down onto his. This causes Eddie to groan once more, only this time its much louder, needier. She smirks down at him and begins setting a slow but steady pace.

Her jaw becomes slack and her eyes gloss over as it is now her turn to admire the man below her. Though she had fantasized about this moment many times before, nothing compared to the present. Both of his hands had made their way to her hips, slowly guiding them to keep up with the pace she had set. Eddie’s low moans were music to her ears, but she craved more. She bent down to kiss him whilst still riding him at a steady pace. As she began to focus more on the kiss, her movements faltered slightly. Eddie took this as his cue to take over, snapping his hips upwards at a quicker pace. The sudden movement drew a lewd moan from her and she began to whine into the nape of his neck.

"Fuck, you feel so good sweetheart" he rasped as he continued to pound into her. "Been dreamin' about this..."

Her stomach fluttered as she processed his words and she moaned in response. Hearing Eddie being so vocal was a stark contrast to her previous relationship and it ignited a fire deep within her. She liked it. Alot. She was definitely the vocal type during sex as well, but always held back per her ex boyfriend's request to "tone it down". Given how vocal Eddie was, it just felt natural to do the same. She began moaning and whimpering more freely, as a way of testing out the waters. This seemed to be received well as Eddie responded with an even needier groan from hearing her. She planted a kiss on his neck before moving to regain control of the pace, returning to her previous position. She expertly rolled her hips with deep, slow movements. The friction caused by her clit brushing against his pubic bone was sending her over the edge. Eddie noticed right away as he felt her walls tighten and her legs get shakier.

'Yeah, that's it baby..." he encouraged breathily, admiring the way she moved on top of him. "Ride it out..."

"M'so close... Love feeling you..." she whimpered in a hushed, whiney tone.

Eddie swore he had died and gone to heaven, he was enamored by her beauty and so incredibly close himself, he was certain this had to be a dream. He adored seeing her in this position, so much so that he grew desperate to know how she would look underneath him. He swiftly halted her movements by placing both of his hands on her hips. "Let me get you there." he pleaded, quickly flipping her onto the bed and getting on top of her.

She spread her legs, allowing enough space for Eddie to settle between them. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, then her lips as he, without warning, slid into her tight core once again. She sighed in pleasurable relief, the new position feeling amazingly unfamiliar. Eddie was quick to set a rapid pace, wanting to get her to where she so desperately wanted to be. The sound of his balls smacking against her ass along with whimpers and moans were echoing throughout Eddie's small home. Soon enough, she could feel the all too familiar ache begging to be released from her lower abdomen. Her breathing quickened as she chased the high. Eddie's bangs began to cling onto his forehead as small beads of sweat began to form. His arm muscles were very prominent as he propped himself up, fucking her senseless.

"Come on baby, cum for me." he encouraged breathily, feeling his own release fast approaching. He shifted his position slightly, hitting her g-spot perfectly, again and again. She moaned loudly, screwing her eyes shut as she felt her orgasm fast approaching.

"Fuck, Eddie! Right there!" she blubbered, struggling to get the words out between quick gasps.

Eddie took her words as a challenge and began fucking into her quicker and harder than before, desperate to see her come undone. His movements made her exclaim, expelling what little air was left from her lungs before she quickly took a sharp breath in.

"Ed's, I'm cumming!" she gasps, screwing her eyes shut. Eddie feels her tightened walls begin to spasm as her orgasm crashes into her. He continues to pound into her while she rides out the high, trying to get to his own release.

"I love you" she breathily whines, completely fucked out. Eddie's movements falter, and his rhythm slows. He can't comprehend what just happened. All he knows is that her words are actively pushing him over the edge. He moans while he reluctantly pulls out, spilling his seed into his hand as he pumps his dick a few times, letting out strained moans. A few seconds pass before he opens his eyes again and his knees give out from under him. His gazes falls upon her, laying on her back still, gazing at him lovingly while still catching her breath.

He returns a loving smile in her direction while chuckling lightly and shaking his head. He breathes in deeply then gets up to retrieve some well needed tissues from his desk. As the true gentleman he is, he prioritizes her comfort over his and gently cleans her up. She winces slightly over the sensitivity but thanked him nonetheless, blushing slightly. After tossing the used tissues into his small trash bin, he climbed into bed, tugging the blanket up so they could both be covered once again. They settled in bed, cuddling up to one another, despite how hot and humid the small bedroom had gotten from their heated night.

The feeling of discomfort grew, resulting in Eddie reluctantly getting out of bed to open the small window in his room. His hopes that the night would offer a cool breeze were met with satisfaction as he felt instant relief from the cracked window. He hurriedly got back into bed, desperate to feel her close once more.

As she lay on his chest, she was growing anxious at her spontaneous love confession mid-climax. She cursed herself, fearing that, despite how true her words were, they were spoken far too soon. She tried to muffle her overthinking thoughts, opting to sleep and deal with them tomorrow.

"Night Eds..." she quietly spoke, raising her head off of his chest to give him a small peck on his abdomen.

Goodnight... "he responded, squeezing her arm lovingly.

The room grew silent, long enough for her to start feeling drowsy, mere seconds away from slumber, when Eddie leaned over. He kissed the top of her head a few time then uttered ever so quietly: "I love you too, by the way."

_

the end

_

Thank you for being so kind & patient with me while i wrote this out!! I'm sorry it took so long, I hope you enjoyed it :")

Thoughts & comments are appreciated!♡

Tag List: @addie0ffset , @thatmultifandomlovingmf , @took-me-hours-to-steal-those , @basketcaseeeeee , @erinsingalong , @captainonaboat , @ghosttownwherenoonegoes , @bimbobaggins69 , @mygirlchaos , @mrsjellymunson

[wandering-winchesters]

hopeless

Pairing: Dean x depressed Reader

Word Count: 3,069

Summary: The reader can feel her depression creeping back in and eventually seeks comfort from Dean, who greets her with open arms.

Trigger Warnings: Depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations,

A/N: This is an incredibly difficult thing to post, I wrote it for myself and wanted to share incase it helped anyone else. I had tears in my eyes as I wrote it. You are not alone. If you are having these thoughts and feelings, please tell someone you love. As always, please let me know what you think ❤️

Masterlist

There are days where I can honestly forget that I have depression and anxiety. There are days where I can almost imagine what it is like to be “normal”. Days where I can breathe easy, where I don’t focus on all of the things that could possibly go wrong, days where the joy is so prominent that it is all that I can focus on. Then there are those days where I can’t fall or stay asleep. I am staying awake until the early hours of the morning and staying asleep until well past noon. Days where going outside is just impossible. I don’t respond to the messages from the people I care about, I don’t communicate to the people I am with. I shut everything and everyone out. 

Today, is one of those bad days. This week has been one of those bad weeks. A culmination of events, compounding, all consuming. That cause me to be pushed off that cliff into depression. On these days, my bed is the only safe place. Even though it is my own mind that is responsible for these feelings, I am the only person who fully understands me. What it feels like to be me and have the thoughts that I do. I am curled up in bed, the playlist on my phone shuffling some of my favorite songs. Even though nothing bad happened today, I am a mess. Depression and anxiety battling within me to come out on top, a constant scream of emotions tumbling through me all at once. I sat in bed, my back pressed against the head board, my knees pulled to my chest and my eyes fixed on the wall opposite my bed. Everything felt hopeless. What’s the point of fighting this battle, every single day? It never seems to get any easier, do I really want to live like this for the rest of my life? Another sixty plus years? I know the answer to that, no. It would be easier to surrender to the darkness and just slip away. Could I really do that? I don’t know. On the good days, no. I could never leave Dean and Sam, the people who saved me five long years ago. I couldn’t leave my family. On these bad days, it’s a thought. An ugly, exhausting and overwhelming thought. 

My eyes wander around the darkened outline of my room, the only light coming from the alarm clock on my nightstand. The white letters illuminated, reminding me just how late into the night it is. 4:23 A.M. The question now is, do I continue to fight the battle of trying to fall asleep, or do I get up and start the day. 

I decide on the latter, clamoring out of my bed and pulling hoodie and a pair of leggings. I stretch my body, exhaustion hanging heavy even though sleep would not come. 

I head out of my room, quietly closing the door behind me. I tip toe through the hallway of the bunker, not needing light to guide me as I know it like the back of my hand. 

When I reach the kitchen, I flip the light on, the familiar surroundings coming into focus before me. I put a new filter into the coffee maker and start the coffee for the morning. Even though I will mostly drink the entire pot myself before the boys ever get up. I glance in the refrigerator, before deciding that I wasn’t hungry. I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten, yesterday? The day before? I don’t know, but hunger was still evading me. I fill my mug with coffee, perfecting it to my taste and head outside the bunker. I take a seat on the bench that Dean had brought back just for me, knowing that watching the sunsets and sunrises were one of my favorite pastimes. I take a deep breath and enjoy the silence around me, the birds are beginning to wake and their song is springing forth. The moon is low in the sky, the horizon turning from blues to oranges and pinks. Something that on most days, brings me immense joy. However, today, it is a dull pang of happiness. The darkness within me too loud to be distracted by the beauty around me. 

“You’re up early.” I jump, spilling a couple drops of my coffee onto my thigh. I wince as the hot liquid quickly cools against my skin from the outside air. Dean comes to sit next to me on the bench muttering a quiet apology as he sits, his features still dripping of sleep. His hair disheveled and eyes tired. He stifles a yawn and gives me a gentle smile. “Yea, I woke up and just couldn’t fall back asleep.” I lie, taking a sip of my coffee and doing my best to return his smile. If he picks up on my lie, he doesn’t act like it. We sit like that in mostly silence, watching the sunrise. My mind begins to wander once again, drifting through the question I had posed to myself earlier, did I really want to live like this for the next 60 years? The sunsets are beautiful, but my mind is ugly. It’s a daily challenge to get out of bed, something that if you had asked me as a teenager, I thought it would have gotten easier by now. 

“Y/N? Did you hear me?” I hum in response, snapped back to my senses by his gentle elbow into my rips. His eyes fixed on me, concern beginning to creep over his face. 

“Sorry, no. What did you say?” I ask, giving him what I hope to be a reassuring smile. 

“Any grand plans for today?” He asks, but I can tell he isn’t convinced by the smile I gave him. Something that I need to get better at, I don’t need him worrying about me and asking more questions. He has enough on his plate. 

The day drags by slowly, a mixture of getting lost in thought and trying to keep up with the Winchester brothers. They decided to go out for dinner and tried to get me to come along, but I declined. An excuse of not being hungry and that I was tired and wanted to go to bed. Dean, again, was not convinced. His brow creased as he saw himself out of my room. I could feel his unspoken questions hanging heavy between us, but he didn’t speak them aloud. 

I went to bed as soon as they left, even though it was early. The physical and mental exhaustion battling within me for the tallest spot on the podium. I laid in bed, scrolling aimlessly through my phone, not focusing on anything in particular, just trying to make time pass. I quickly shut my phone off and close my eyes when I hear footsteps approaching. I hear a soft knock at my door and I ignore it, not wanting to speak to anyone really. Nonetheless, my door creaks open and Dean quietly calls my name. When he doesn’t get a response he quietly crosses the room and sits on the edge of my bed. His hands gently pull a blanket over me and he leans down to press a kiss to my forehead, before quietly leaving my room. The second he closes the door behind him, I pull my phone back out and continue to scroll aimlessly through lore that I am not even reading. I doze off eventually, into a nightmare filled sleep that only lasts for about thirty minutes. When I wake, my heart is beating against my ribs. 

I glance at the clock on my nightstand for what feels like the millionth time tonight and it is only 2:47 in the morning, but I physically cannot lay here any longer. I repeat the same actions as yesterday morning, leggings, hoodie, quietly out into the hallway, towards the kitchen, turn on the light. I am grabbing the filter for the coffee pot when I freeze, I realize that I can feel someones eyes on me and I spin on my heel to find Dean. He had been sitting at the table in the dark, his arms crossed across his chest, face tired but serious. His eyes are soft, but piercing, focused completely on me. 

“What are you doing up?” I ask, trying to disguise the coffee filter in my hand, scrambling to come up with a good explanation as to why I am up this early. He raises an eyebrow at me, his thumb tugging against his bottom lip before he tucks his hand back under his arm.  “I could ask you the same thing. What is going on with you?” He asks, gesturing for me to take a seat at the table across from him. I don’t. I keep my back pressed against the kitchen counter, my arms defensively coming to rest across my middle. 

“Nothing, just needed water Dean.” I respond, my voice a lot snippier than I intended. He notices, but doesn’t comment on my tone. 

“You need a coffee filter for water? See, I really don’t believe that. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do I need to tell you what I think is going on?” He asks once again, accepting that I am not going to sit with him. He kicks his feet up, resting his boots on the seat across from him. He’s settling in for the long haul. I don’t verbally respond to his question, so he continues.

“You aren’t eating. You are isolating yourself. You aren’t here anymore, you’re somewhere else entirely. I had a suspicion that you haven’t been sleeping and this little middle of the night escapade of coffee at three in the freakin’ morning, confirmed that. If you want to pretend you’re asleep when I come into your room, fine. But at least don’t resume watching the same video the second I close your door, I am not deaf.” My cheeks are flushed and I can feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes, but I don’t want to cry. So instead, I allow anger to erupt within me as a need to defend my actions arise. 

“What makes you think I am not eating? I don’t have to talk to you when you come into my room uninvited!” I snap, my hands gesturing wildly as I speak. I expect him to snap back but he doesn’t. He is completely unfazed, his green eyes continue to burn a hole in my own. I shift uncomfortably, the amount of effort it takes to remain angry and not break down in front of him is exhausting. 

“Y/N, sweetheart. I can see it, in every thing that you do. I can see the exhaustion engrained in you, I can see the internal battle that you are fighting. I can tell that you don’t want me to know, that you want to handle this yourself. But, Y/N,I care for you, about you. I want to help you. I see you.” His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I hug my arms tighter against my body, desperately trying to stop this wave of emotion bubbling up within me, but it’s useless. I bite my lip to stifle the sob that leaves my throat, managing to make it the smallest bit quieter. My eyes are trained on the floor tears beginning to overflow.

“Y/N, you don’t have to go through this alone.” Dean speaks again, his words gentle and soft. I allow myself to meet his gaze once again, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. He is on his feet before I can blink, he closes the distance between us in a few long strides. His hands find my body and tug me into his embrace. I don’t hesitate to bury my face in his chest, the fabric of his t-shirt absorbing my tears as they fall. I can’t help but let everything out, the sobs that wrack my body ugly and loud. My eyes are clenched shut, unsuccessfully trying to slow the flow of my tears. His voice is low as he hold me, his hands traveling over my body. His grip on me never wavering, he supports my weight when my knees grow weak. His touch is gentle but firm and reassuring. I didn’t realize just how much I needed him, until it was too late to stop the waves of emotion flooding the space between us. He holds me until my tears slow, my breathing gets a bit easier and my grip on his t-shirt loosens ever so slightly. 

“Talk to me.” He whispers, gingerly pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. I take a shaky breath, gathering my words and debating just how much I want to tell him. I land on everything. I release my grip on him and he takes a step back, enough so he can see me, but still close enough that I can feel his presence. I cross my arms across my chest once again and start to speak. I look down at my feet, unwilling to watch his expression as I speak. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Dean. It’s too much. I have gotten three hours of sleep over the last three days. I can’t bear to eat. Every day is a constant battle to just survive, it would be so much easier to just give up. I want to give up. I want to let everything go and just slip away. I don’t want to leave you and Sam, but you don’t need me. No one needs me. It would be so much simpler if I just-“ I stop, unsure if I can actually verbalize my next sentence. I have thought the words many times before, but verbalizing them to the man that I loved more than he would ever know. Could I do that to him? I gather the courage to look at him and I am caught off guard by the sight before me. Dean is silently crying, his eyes fixed upon me. His fingers rush to brush away his tears, he is trying to remain strong for my sake and It sends a fresh wave of guilt through me. This is why I never wanted to express this to him, I wanted to keep it to myself, he shouldn’t have to talk me down from this level of self hatred and depression. 

“I knew that something was tearing you to pieces, sweetheart. I could see it, I could hear it in your voice, but I-I never imagined this. I know it’s hard, but you have to believe me when I say that there is nothing but love for you within me. I would never be okay without you. I’d be a mess, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if something or someone took you from me. Especially if you took yourself from me, Y/N. I can never lose you. You make my world a brighter place. I love you and I want to spend every day of my life showing you just how much you mean to me.” He’s pleading with me now, closing the distance between us once again. His hands pulling me into a bone crushing hug, his tears now falling onto my clothes. We stay like this for awhile, my sadness slowly fading to just complete exhaustion. My body sags against his, my eyes closing trying to relieve the burn from crying. 

“Dean?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. “Can I ask a favor?” 

“Anything, sweetheart.” He respond, not relinquishing his hold on me in the slightest. 

“Take me to bed and stay with me tonight?” Dean wholeheartedly agrees, he takes me by my hand and pulls me gently behind him. I follow him, confused when we walk right past my room. He brings me to his, opening the door and closing it once I cross the threshold. He leads me to his bed and climbs in under the covers, he pulls the blankets back and I climb in next to him. His arms wrap around my body, pulling me into him firmly. My head comes to rest on his chest, one of his hands coming to rest on my back, the other on the nape of my neck, his touch calming and reassuring. 

“Thank you.” I whisper and he doesn’t speak, only pulls me closer. “I love you, too Dean. I will fight everyday to be able to spend my life with you.” He exhales sharply and I can almost feel the sense of relief wash over him. I turn towards him, propping myself up on my elbow, enough to look at him. 

I lean towards him, holding my breath, hoping this is what he wants too. I stop, our lips millimeters apart and wait for him to close the distance and he does, our lips crashing together in the most love filled exchange I’ve ever experienced. 

“Promise me you won’t give up on life, Y/N. Please.” He ask, his eyes searching my own and it kills me to see the pain and uncertainty swimming through his. I nod, a small smile forming on my lips. 

“I promise, Dean.” He nods, relief washing over him. He tugs me back against him, my head resting on his chest once again. For the first time in days, my thoughts are silent. The only darkness enveloping my senses is a welcome friend, sleep running towards me at full speed and I welcome it wholeheartedly. My eyes fall shut and sleep takes over my senses, encouraged by the gentle touch of my beloved Winchester. 

While his love could not cure my depression, his love gave me a reason. It gave me hope, in the midst of hopelessness. He held a torch for me on my darkest nights. When I couldn’t stand to fight for my own life, he’d take up that cross. With his help, it got easier. On the nights I couldn’t sleep he’d talk to me until I did. He made me food on days where I couldn’t do it myself. He loved the parts of me that I wanted to hide. He made life worth living. I wanted to live those sixty years I had dreaded facing. No matter the battle, there is always hope. 

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