#P.S: I may or may not have gotten a new idea for a fic with Hubert because of this expedition-

[sunstone-smiles]

My first perfect expedition with him and this is the first thing he says-

*Places the switch down and breathes in*

I needed a moment

[onigiri-dorkk]

Goals + updates for 2023!

(plus sneak-talks into my future fics!)

ALRIGHT RIVAMIKA FRIENDS! This evening (now that I've finally come back from my short New Year's trip... as well as recovered from major car sickness on the way back home l o l), my birthday-week-and-writing-sabbatical (😂) officially begins!

If you've been following, I've been hustling since November with my IRL workload and it has taken time away from writing and fandom things, so I had planned that from January 1st for a whole entire week I will dedicate my time to rest in the form of writing. No work, no emails, no ads...

NOTHING except sitting in coffeeshops or beautiful places and writing stories from my heart again.

During the holidays I had a couple of technically free days, so I wanted to get a one-shot in to get myself ready and warm up for this week (and then produced last week's one-shot, The Perfect Brew, which might mark my all-time favorite one-shot I've written so far).

The hard part was deciding what the heck to focus on and commit to. I thought about keeping it free, but knew it would lead to more one-shots, which is fine too.

But after I came back home and rested, I sorted through my WIP's (which, at this point, I actually have 7! I just forgot about 4 of them omg) and I rediscovered a WIP in my Google Docs I loved and forgot about, and that is the orphanage fic.

I don't think I've shared much about it just yet, but it will be a multi-chapter fic set after Season 3, and both Historia's orphanage and castle will play a big role in the plot for Levi, Mikasa and the Scouts. Obviously I don't think I will complete the entire fic just in this week (sheesh... I can't even imagine?!) but I aim to make a good dent in it and hopefully publish something by my birthday weekend :) I believe this is the one I want to make the most progress in, and hopefully get something published from it, though I can't promise timely updates the way you got Microcosmos every week or two.

Also on the back burner that I might trudge through this week is the Ackerman (Kenny, Levi, Mikasa) short-fic, and a post-war reunion fic that will likely be a long-fic. Then deeeeeep in my backburner is also a post-war long-fic that will circle around Levi and Mikasa and gang as Paradis refugees; I foresee this as something that will be a lot darker and angstier.

I'm honestly just excited for starting 2023 dedicating passion-time to writing; it feels like me saying YES to dedicating this full year to growing as a writer. I only began writing in May so it's strange that I haven't even hit a full year of doing so... But knowing that 2023 is starting and ending with me in love with writing is just exciting. I'm PUMPED. I have other ideas (maybe starting a Rivamika-specific writers' accountability group, etc) but I'll save all of that for another time hehe.

All this to say, thank you to all of my fandom friends I've made here who have encouraged me and brought me soooo much joy and inspiration literally on the daily. You don't understand how much your presence here has helped me in my real daily life, and has sustained this newfound inspiration. It makes writing and creating art not feel like an echo-in-a-chamber. To have real people enjoying what we create together, encouraging each other in the process, and sharing their joys for it, it's just sooo important and meaningful. Thank you all!! I will continue to ~dedicate my heart~ to creating art in lots of forms for our lil community here. :)

Please look forward to another year of Onigiri's proud hyper-fixation on Rivamika ;)

(P.S. I can see my nighttimes being filled with reading all of y'alls fanfics that I haven't gotten to read yet!!! PLS!! I CANT WAIT!)

[gabe-ricci-simp]

Love Letters - Pt. 1

For @choicesmonthlychallenge​ ’s Flufftober Challege!

Pairing: Gabriel “Gabe” Ricci x Quinn Michaels

Summary: Love letters may not always be a full page, or multiple at that. They may not be sent in the mail or dropped off with flowers. The dictionary defines it as: (n) a letter or note written by someone to their sweetheart or lover

Warnings: none that I can think of. let me know if any apply.

Word Count: 1103

A/N: I had too many ideas. Like, way too many. So I went ahead and decided to make this into a series of ficlets, with each one representing a different week. There should be about 5 parts, so the next one will be uploaded tomorrow :)

I really needed more LoA fics, so I decided to made them myself. I hope you enjoy it! Wrote it and just uploaded it, so if there are any errors, please let me know. And if you have any suggestions, constructive criticism is welcomed :D

TUESDAY

"Sometimes I hate being on a salary," Aislinn sighed, rubbing her eyes. Next to her, Beau's head slowly sank onto his hand as he lazily stared at the documents in front of him.

"For real. We would make so much more sometimes if we got paid hourly." Gigi replied before chugging down yet another coffee.

Everyone was looking for the clause in a retainer agreement with one of the firm's long-time clients. Mr. Williams had tried to buy a stake in a private business without consulting the firm, and well, it didn't go as planned.

"The annoying thing is that we can't just look it up with command F. Do you know what I could be doing right now?" Martin muttered. Quinn glanced at her phone and winced when she saw how late it had gotten. Maybe we should go get drinks. Or at least something to eat, she thought to herself.

"Don't you mean Control F?" Beau asked Marcus. The glare he got in return was enough of an answer.

Before Quinn could suggest taking a break, a notification popped up on her phone.

There is something at the reception desk that should help you out.

It was a text from Gabe to their personal conversation. After glancing around at her co-workers, she quietly stood up and made her way out of the library.

"Please bring me more coffee!" Gigi called out after her.

Before Quinn reached the reception desk, the smell of Chinese food hit her nose. She noticed some notes attached to one of the brown paper bags.

'Don't stay up too late. All of you need to be sharp tomorrow,' said the first one. Quinn grabbed the second note underneath it and let out a snort.

‘P.S. not that you've ever let a late night stop you’ ;)

She stared at the note for a second more, letting a smile grow on her face before taking out her phone to send a quick message back.

Of course, you would know all about my late nights, hu?

She quickly stuffed it back into her pocket along with the note and took the bags back to the library.

"Sustenance. Courtesy of one Gabe Ricci."

Everyone at the table popped their head up as she entered.

"Oh, hell yes!" Beau exclaimed, reaching for the new fuel source.

Everyone dug into the food, feeling energized for the first time that night. The only sounds for a good while were those of food being scooped up. At least until Martin let out a moan.

Quinn looked at Aislinn, Gigi, and Beau before they all started laughing.

"Looks like I'm not the only one eternally grateful for Gabe," Gigi said between laughs. 

Martin's face turned a darker shade of red while he mumbled, "I just haven't eaten all day."

As everyone continued the search, Quinn felt a vibration from her phone.

"I have no idea what you're referring to, Quinn."

FRIDAY

Gabe walked into the building with a pep in his step. Winning an unwinnable case gives one that right, after all. Coffee in one hand and his phone in the other, Gabe made his way into one of the building's elevators.

"Hold the elevator!" he heard someone yell as he pressed the button to their floor. A shoe found its way between the doors just in time, and Beau sighed in relief as the doors opened back up. Very familiar laughter followed behind him. One that spread warmth all over his body.

"Hey, Gabe! Heard you won in court today." Beau congratulated as he stepped in.

"Of course he did. It's Gabe", Quinn replied, throwing a wink his way. He accepted the pride he felt at that moment. Quinn walked past Beau towards the back of the elevator, standing next to Gabe. As she stared at her phone in one hand, her other hand slowly reached over and grazed his fingers. Smiling to himself, he grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. When the numbers on the elevator moved closer to the 45th floor, he reluctantly dropped her hand. These were the small moments he enjoyed but also left him feeling pained. Deep down, he knew he would have loved celebrating his win by kissing her the minute he saw her, but that wasn't allowed. Not with a secret relationship.

Once the elevator arrived on their floor, Quinn and Beau got off, immediately talking business.

"You know, this was a genius idea," Beau told Quinn as he handed her a tablet.

"Don't sound so surprised, Beau," she replied, laughing. Gabe stared at her retreating back for another second before turning and heading to his office.

Towards the end of the day, Raul knocked on his door with a package in hand. 

"Hey Gabe, this was dropped off for you just now."

Gabe waved him in, not looking up from the papers on his desk. He gave him a thanks as the box was set on his desk. As soon as the doors closed behind him, however, Gabe reached for the package. He opened the brown box and noticed a note card on the top.

I shouldn't be surprised that you were able to win an unwinnable case, but I am still in awe every time you showcase your brilliance. And no, this isn't to boost your ego (Manhattan is NOT big enough for that), but just to say congrats! xx - Q

Gabe stared at the note for what seemed like an eternity. Of course, it wasn't unusual for clients to send him gifts in gratitude. But it was the first time in a long time that someone who meant a lot to him had done so.

He opened the gift-wrapped package to reveal a black box with a familiar label. The hand-pressed gold foil was one he could recognize almost anywhere. Nestled inside was a heavy glass bottle containing his favorite bourbon. One that was hard to find today with the shortage of the spicy drink. And with that shortage came price surges. He turned the bottle in his hand, realizing that Quinn must have spent a long time looking for it. And even more money than that.

He remembered how much he made as a Junior Partner. Gabe didn't care if she spent $10 on a gift or thousands. But the fact that she went out of her way to get him something that he loved, something that only those paying attention would know, made it worth a lot more to him.

Walking over to his drink cart, Gabe placed the bottle in the middle, where it clearly belonged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: there really is a bourbon shortage. and it really sucks :(

[dojunie]

as a writer myself too, i definitely get the frustration of writer's block. ur better than me tho could never write fiction this good. if it's a script maybe i can stumble my way towards it but like- prose, prose??? scary stuff HAHAHHA. i'm wayyy more used to writing features, editorial and stuff like that so writing creatively paralyzes me fr probs should get over it HAHAHHA

speaking of writing tho, recently got my first ever job (full time over the summer and part time when i get back to school!) helping this creator write content for a website she's launching and probs gonna be helping her with her podcast too hehe (i'm also more of a broadcast person too over like publication writing so that's gonna be fun). so life's been reallyyyy busy. like i started preparing for freelance work since may and after like- 11 applications so glad i finally got a job but damn being paid to do something is a whole different kind of pressure. doing my best but sometimes i'm scared it won't be good enough and i'll just get fired HAHAHAH the days are starting to get blurry too bc i've kinda just been cooped up at home. anddd been trying to ✨adult✨ too by getting my driver's license, tax number, social security and all that but ghad with a job? idt i'll have the time to fix all that anymore. and i'm hoping to take the topik too so :">

times like this are when im rlly glad i got dream. like they rlly just give me that energy boost HAHAHAH (AND WITH THE NEW COMEBACK SOON??? AHHHH) r they like that for u too? i swear this is the first time i've wanted to get a tattoo for an artist like woah

oh and SPEAKING OF i was in the manila concert day 1 all the way in the farthest section. actually got really determined to work bc of that experience bc i am determined to go both days vip the next time they're in manila HAHAHHA. happy to say i'll most likely earn enough to do that by next month hehe. gonna treat myself for the hard work by getting mark's bubble HAHAHHA

haven't gotten to reading the new renjun fic updates (unless my eyes are deceiving me and i read that wrong & there r not updates) but! i'm rlly looking forward to it. hoping both of us have enough writing juices to finish up the things we're working on HAHAHHA. and i hope you're doing well with school or work or whatever your doing too! and when things get tough hope u have a support system there for ya :>

anywayy i'll go skidaddle now HAHHAHA worked 8hrs today so 💀 byee

(p.s. by any chance do u have any plans of writing any series for mark? would KILL to have ur writing bring his character to life if not that's SUPERRRR chill too frfr jus curious hehe)

frm the biggest phatest markf,

-covid anon 🤒 HAHAHAH

you calling my 'ripping my hair out slamming words into the keyboard at 1am' writing prose is such a huge compliment my dear covid anon, you have no idea. never in my life have i considered anything ive written to be like... serious... because i just enjoy writing about a bunch of singin dancin boys, but. i do put an obscene (and embarrassing) amount of care and work and thought into this little fanfiction thing and i just. thank you? blowing kisses all the way to your timezone

anddd been trying to ✨adult✨ too by getting my driver's license, tax number, social security and all that but ghad with a job? idt i'll have the time to fix all that anymore. and i'm hoping to take the topik too so :">

GODDAMN! you have your plate full, but frankly those are all really, really good and important and STRONG steps towards adulting!! you're further than me, i dont have my license yet (haven't even started, rahh, uber is my best friend) but whenever i come on here i think of you, covid anon, so hearing this makes me feel like an irl just told me they accomplished something big LOL i'm actually so happy for you. these are big steps. AND THE NEW CB IS ALREADY FUCKING ME UP! IDGAF RENJUN IN THAT LITTLE PAPERBOY CAP, LEAVE ME ALONE LEAVE ME ALONE I'M UNWELL!!!!!! today the second theme dropped (idk if you'll see this on the same day as i send it) with the energy drinks and such, and the fuckig... neon concept...!!!!!!!! i wanted to get a tattoo for my bts era like a 7 or something like that on a very tiny part of my body but then i remembered how i genuinely thought i would be a 5sos fan forever and i was like 'lets hold off on that very, very permanent decision lmfao'

AND TO ANSWER YOUR MARK QUESTION! you messaging me this actually did make me go through all of my potential wips (all.... very very many of them) and one that i found for mark that i'm actually still very interested in is an exchange student concept! little plot: mc is a part of a university exchange student program, and with that comes staying with a host family; the uni that mc is from does it in a raffle/blind matching style where you get put with a family who's profile matches with yours best, and mc gets.... the lee family! with eldest brother and vaguely famous rockstar taeyong, awkward and endearing middle child mark lee, and the night and day '00 twins'; sunshine incarnate lee donghyuck, and 'doesn't speak unless spoken to' lee jeno!!! it takes place over six months in the summer to autumn season, the first semester; and love blooms in the damndest places!

if this sounds like something you'd like, maybe i could fandangle this for my next wip...? winky face

anyway i love you lots covid anon, i hope your adulting goes on without a hitch!!!! until you message again <3

[boydepartment]

WAHHHHHHHH Sorry for worrying you, I'm doing very well, I wrote this message in the afternoon and was about to edit and send it. No transitions today because my ideas are very scattered and chaotic.

Today's writing song is coming of age by mxmtoon. I listened to her and Beach Bunny's music before quarantine, so it always takes me back and you can listen while reading. =)

I hope you have had fun on your road trip. From your pictures of everything, it seems like quite a adventure. As a side note, the outfits on your skzoo are super cute, did you make them yourself?

I spent some time thinking about your advice. I wish I could say that I've completely gotten over it, but progress has been like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, 20 steps left, 50 steps right, jump 20x, get lost, start to cry, 5 steps forward. Everytime I think I've peaked, there's a another layer to work through. It's been really frustrating, but also rewarding. It's a reminder that I have a lot more room to grow and that's okay. Also, it takes so much more energy to be upset with where I am. I think I need to be more conscious of my own achievements and be okay with my own progress.

I'd like to think I'm a pretty introspective person, but I think everyone needs reminders sometimes, so thanks for being that person. I wish I could eat everyone's compliments and have them be a part of me when I can't see the good in myself. I'm trying to be more grateful for the things I do have, so for the next paragraph, you better internalize my compliments and take my burning heart on a stick or else I'll get really mad. >=( (I'm joking of course)

I think your comment about me being a sunshine was one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. I hope to make everyone's day just a little better through these messages, but I think a lot of people can say the same about you. Although you say that you wish to be a little more positive, your advice has been and is very helpful, nonjudgmental, and realistic. Thanks for being such a great listener/reader? I like how your responses are always so reflective and introspective. Also, I can tell that your fics are based on your personal experiences based on your word choice, so I want to say that even if I can't completely understand, I will try my best be a listening ear. I think if we actually met irl, I would be a little less of a nervous wreck, maybe. It's super special the kind of friendship/pen-pal ship? we have, considering that our paths wouldn't have intersected otherwise. I'm glad you exist. <3

Okay, that's enough cheese for one day. I'm already embarrassed to admit that I write anything as sheep anon, so I'm going to crawl under a rock until your response. New messages coming soon, may or may not be as mushy as this one, depends on how I'm feeling, have a nice day everyone and stay safe. <3

-🐑

p.s. If you had a fan club, what would you name your fans? I think we need a name at this point, maybe something related to flowers or buds?

It’s okay sheepie!!! It’s no worries I promise :) I just wanted to make sure you were well ❤️

I absolutely loved mxmtoon and beach bunny. Beach bunny opened up for a punk show I went to a few years ago and it was GENUINELY so fun. Mxmtoon will always have a special place in my heart

My road trip is really well!!! I got to see my boys again and it meant the world to me. I would do anything to see them again and again. And hopefully I’ll be able to!!! As for my little jiniret!!! The red lights outfit was hand made!! His little button up tho that was from Disneyland and the hoodie he came with :) my other Amazon bought SKZOOs do have handmade clothing though :)

Sheepie i promise you that going back and forth is totally normal. The fact that you recognize it and are trying to focus on the positives really show how much you’ve grown I can promise you that. You have accomplished a lot even if it doesn’t seem like it. I’m so immensely proud of you. I will remind you whenever I can of this

I really do wish to be more positive and I try to especially regarding what has happened to me in the past. I will always try to not be judgey because we never know what the other person is struggling with.

My fanfics are definitely based on my mental and own life experiences. Pizza Parlor was a way to heal how I wrote fanfics when I was 14. It was just fun for me and a way to let all my daydreams out

I’m sorry. I’m late. Was always meant to be way more grown up. Just like how I wrote the reader, I’ve always wanted to run away ever since I graduated highschool. Just like the reader she landed herself in a bad relationship with bad people surrounding her to the point of putting herself and anyone who lived with her in danger. Unfortunately writing that was me trying my absolute hardest to cope with that actually happening to me. The only way I felt safe alone at night was getting lost in daydreams where I did run away to a small town. Some JayJay lore here, small TW

I also wrote that fanfic in a way where the two main characters love was unconditional. Of course some things had to added for plot to keep it running and not boring. However, the beginnings of their relationship was always something I’ve wanted. Even after my sophomore year to senior year on and off romantic relationship I never got anything close to that. I DIDNT get that cute romance, I never got gifts that actually were meaningful. I was 16 and naive, I was mentally tortured and physically beat. I’m sorry, I’m late, means so much to me because I could actually write something that I’ve always wanted to experience. It helped me cope with the fact that I’ve never gotten that romantic unconditional love.

My past is what also ties me into who I bias, not to crowbar Hyunjin into here but I really started biasing him because of what’s happened to me in my past. The way he describes love and how it should be eternal and forever really gives me hope that I will get that fairytale ending for myself. It’s why I’ll still be kind to everyone I meet and wear my heart on my sleeve even after the fact.

I think me and you could totally have a nice chat over tea or coffee or whatever your preference is!!!! We could probably go on for hours!!! If you ever want to you know where to find my instagram if you’d ever want to call or anything :) as long as you’re comfortable!! I would never want to pressure you into anything!

I’m very happy our paths crossed sheepie!!! I look forward to your messages!! Stay safe until then sheepie 🤍

-

I think if I had a fan base would be named doves!!! Even though I have a phobia of birds the dove represents the same thing as white roses. And I think the nickname dove is oh so sweet 🤍

-

Ps sheepie

I’m in college rn and every advisor I’ve had has ignore my emails about my major change (I’m taking journalism classes but signed up as a theatre major) do you have any advice? I’m getting a tincy stressed

[crazy-bi-btch]

The Multi-Verse: Spider-Girl

Authors Note: Alrighty, soooo during this hiatus I was able to log back into my old fanfic writing accounts. Please tell me I am NOT the only one that predicted the Multi-verse in my drafted fic ideas 😅 I wrote this back in 2013 after watching The Amazing Spider-Man, Which unleashed creative juices flowing in my pre-pubescent brain 😂 I have decided since this beautiful idea is just sitting in my drafts why not give it a shot? P.S. I am adding and editing a lot since my grammar has gotten a lottttt better than then. I hope you like this little baby fic ;)

INTRO

Loss is a hell of a killer- or what is it called nowadays….Ah yes! Character development.

My first memory of loss was at 6 years old when I was forced away to my uncle and aunts house. It was a dark and stormy night, I still remember how sticky the air felt as the humid New York air hit my small hands and face. My mother cried as she clutched me so hard I felt I was suffocating. How ironic.

So many questions, no answers.

From arriving to the familiar apartment, seeing my aunt and uncle in their night robes. Concern and worry in their expression. I sat quietly on the mahogany stairs. My favorite blanket, crushed in between my small hands. Even at 6 years old, my intuition and anxiety took hold of my small body. Tears pooling at my corneas. Suddenly the agonizing chatter of the four adults becoming static. Almost deafening at how silent the world became as my dad cradled me one last time and my mother’s weeping state as she kissed me repeatedly trying to anchor herself to me as my dad pulled her away from me. I watched in agony, as the streets of Bronx ate away the shadow of the dark car. That was the last time I saw and held them.

Alright, enough of the melodrama…. Where were we??

My therapist says I am strong and all I have to say is… thats it? That’s all I am?

Of course she became flustered and stammered a stupid line of compliments. I bursted out laughing as I realized my sarcasm flew over her head. Then she lectured me how humor was not a healthy coping mechanism to deal with uncomfortable life situations. Damn she really can be uptight at times.

Well you may be asking by now, who are you and why the hell are you telling me your traumatic life story. Well, long story short- I am Spider-Girl....

-TO BE CONTINUED-

[omegaversetheory]

Types of Omegaverse Tumblrs

Masters: These blogs seek to teach people about a/b/o as a form of education. They often are either writers, readers, or hobbyists who are interested in the genre and aim to help others with their writing, reading, etc... These blogs have a lot of information about a wide variety of omegaverse concepts. They also usually are very open to helping you with your question

Example: @omegaverse-professor , @omegaverse-seeker, @alpha-beta-omegaverse, @jar-of-omegaverse

Lifestylers: These blogs are run by people who love to emulate/identify as living within an a/b/o dynamic (known as miscecanis). They will often identify as a specific dynamic to educate their followers about, through headcanons, personal stories, etc... These blogs have a lot of information about anything that relates specifically about their dynamic. If you have questions about betas specifically, a bata focused lifestyle blogger would be a great resource

Example: @curious-omega , @sunshine-omega, @misce-beta, @miscecrisis

Artillery: These are blogs that love publishing their own headcanons. While Lifestylers and Informers also do this, artillery do it the most frequently and may be known for it. These blogs are great for coming up with new ideas, solving problems in your fic/AU if you’ve gotten stuck. They are also great places to go to brainstorm and be inspired.

Example: @omegaversethings, @betasverse, @abo-dreams, @omega-alpha-beta-dynamics

Generators: These bloggers are writers! They often have a specific fandom or ship that they are most well versed in, such as Stucky or MHA, and love to share their writing or prompts. If you are looking to write any kind of omegaverse story, this is a great place to start to learn the feel of using it as a plot device. Not all generators write exclusively omegaverse fics!

Examples: @plainbrunettelbl, @bnhaewritings, @spacesnail3000

P.S: if you think of more kinds of a/b/o blogs that I missed let me know!

[gemma-collins-ily]

It’s my birthday today and I was wondering if you could do Jesper celebrating the reader’s birthday?

Jesper Celebrating the Reader's Birthday

a/n - keep in mind, fics don't normally come out this quickly, but I saw this and wanted to release it on your special day! This may be a little uncoordinated but I hope you enjoy and have a brilliant day! Also, just to let everyone know, requests are closed for a few days, just so I can catch up on requests xoxo 💞

Warnings: nothing?

Tagged: @mrs-brekker15 @i-am-the-1930s @inthegistoftime

it is guaranteed

you hear me?

guaranteed

that he will try to plan you a party

it's Jesper, he has to

so he'll set up streamers and a huge poster displaying your age

for all who enter the Slat to see

he'll get Nina to distract you, taking you out for waffles probably

his words would probably be exactly like this:

"I don't know Neens, just take them away from the Slat and don't come back till, like ummm seven."

she'd look at the half hung decorations and many more still in boxes disapprovingly and ask:

"You didn't plan this out did you?"

"Are you accusing me, the Jesper Fahey, himself, of being disorganised?"

She grabbed her coat and you, covering your eyes as she went, very clearly conveying something was happening, then left without a word more.

so, by now, you knew something was happening

or at least suspected it

but would go along with it for Jesper

trailing after Nina until your feet were sore

finally having enough and asking if you could stop and sit on a bench

she agreed with a groan

so, she was obviously tired too

"How long do we need to stay out?"

"I really do not know what you're talking about, (Y/N)."

"Come on, I know there's a surprise back at the Slat, I just need to know how long I have to wait to go home."

she'd continue to blatantly refuse the very idea of a surprise until she randomly gave in

and you'd smirk, happy to get the answer

as soon as it neared seven, she'd try to drag you back to the Slat but you'd tell her they wouldn't be ready yet

Nina would not listen and take you firmly by the wrist, marching back to the Slat

when you got there you were right

of course

bestie, can you predict the future?

no, actually

you just know how frazzled your boyfriend can get

but you were surprised to see even Kaz was helping

it did not look like he wanted to be there voluntarily

but still

you take what you can get

it was an effort so you appreciated it

when Nina would let out a dramatic gasp at the sight of Kaz Brekker hanging up decor, Jes would notice you

yelling at Nina to take you out again or to your room

just go over and peck him on the lips, tell him you don't really care about the streamers and he'll relax

even if he wanted it to be perfect

you have all the calming techniques down bestie

Kaz will sigh exaggeratingly and drop the colourful swirly thing he was eyeing with disgust

it would be between his forefinger and thumb as he did so

and this meant it was twice as funny to you

oops you may have laughed

you received a glare in return

aww such a nice present

everyone say thank you Kaz

anyway

there's probably a table with gifts on it

kaz got you a new book

but left it anonymously

no message on the tag even if you know it's him

you thank him and he pretends he has no clue who gave it to you

"Awwww, thanks Kaz."

"I didn't get you a gift, (Y/N). It's obviously from someone else."

Inej would get you some sort of herbal tea I think

if you don't like tea then it's probably also a book

wow what a match for those two

thinking the same thoughts

Nina may have forgotten to get a present and would promise waffles instead

or she'd have tried to sneakily get a board game while you were out earlier

you acted like you did not notice

it's a grammy award for you

Matthias could have either gotten you some kruge because he wasn't sure what you wanted

or a new scarf, coat ect.

he has a pretty good taste in fashion

now, Jesper would either wait till later to give you his gifts

because aww, sentimentality

or he'd give you them with everyone else's to make you blush publicly

at that point, you wouldn't care

either way, he'd keep at least one spare to give to you in private

I think his gifts would be a little something like this:

a type of jewelry, whether it be a necklace or an anklet, it would have a J on it

he probably bought a matching one for him with your initial on it too

a necklace feels a little more personal but could be taken advantage of by enemies

like in finding out you were together

not like it was oBVIOUS or anything

but an anklet would ultimately be sturdier and less likely to be taken as a means of affection from a loved one

so anklet it is

chocolates that are actually quite rich in flavour and are rare in Ketterdam

he saved up some money for those

if you like to play with his rings

he'll have bought you one

again, it may be a little blander to avoid it being interpreted as a gift of love by enemies

you didn't mind it being a little more hidden

Jesper was happy with you and you with Jesper

so you felt no need to show off to the world

you would probably take it off if you had to do any good old fashioned fist fighting

pocketing it quickly

he'd also give you a nail makeover the next day

but you would have to paint on his nails in return because if he tried, he would probably mess up while using his non-dominant hand to paint the other

you could match because #couplegoals

he'd bring you breakfast in bed the day after your birthday

being so busy planning the day before, he didn't get you any

I hate to disappoint but it would not be made by him

he would burn everything

so Matthias' second present to you is the breakfast

delivered by Jesper

he'd probably be sat at the counter making snarky remarks about Matthias' cooking

until he got whacked with a tea towel

if you're an early bird

Jes would be given the task of distracting you and stopping you from walking downstairs

or getting out of bed at all

this could be easily done with the persuasion of cuddles

then Matthias would yell for him and he'd have to leave to get the tray

when he brings it up he'll sit you between his legs, leaning your back against his chest and resting the tray on your knees

may feed you bites that sOMEHOW end up like a lady and the tramp scene

even if it's a slice of french toast, he'll manage

would tactfully steal little bits off your plate

and you couldn't really be mad at him because he would just smile charmingly

(maybe with half a piece of bacon sticking out of the side of his mouth)

but charming none the less

he might have a gift hidden in the corner of a chest of drawers somewhere you find one day and he remembers he was supposed to wrap that up and give it to you

if it's almost a year later and near your next birthday

just leave it on his dresser

no words need to be exchanged

the only difference is now one of your presents is less of a surprise

oh cards

kaz would write in his a simple,

'Inej made me write this. Have a good day. You are one year closer to being dead. Congratulations.

-Signed sincerely, Kaz Brekker'

Nina and Matthias share a card

meaning she wrote it and he signed his name with an extra

'I hope you have a lovely day, (Y/N).'

Nina's message/ the main one in the card would be:

'I can't believe we're all growing so old now! Anyway, we love you, hope you enjoy the presents and your birthday. You deserve it! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Nina'

Inej's would have a very sincere message:

'(Y/N),

You are truly a wonderful friend and person, helping everyone with anything they may need. I feel so lucky to have you as my friend and I hope you will continue to be for years to come. You deserve a fantastic day and I hope you get one, I know Jes will try to make it perfect!

-From, Inej x

p.s - I tried to get Kaz to sign a card, but he was smirking and wouldn't let me see it before he put it in the envelope, so I'm terribly sorry if it's rude.'

now to Jesper's

'Love,

I adore you with all my heart and wish you a truly happy birthday. I hope you like the gifts I bought, I wanted to symbolise my love for you through each. I know one or two presents are a little bland but I hope they mean as much to you as they do to me. You are the most amazing partner I could ever dream of having, and every time you do something, I never expect it.

You are unpredictable, my love, and I can honestly say I do not mind it. In fact, it is one of the many factors that made me fall in love with you. Have a happy birthday!

-Love from Jesper, xxx

p.s - Kaz looked terrifyingly happy when he finished signing your card so be careful, he probably pulled something.

you might have cried

yes

you, a Crow, feared on the streets sniffled over even Kaz's message

knowing if he didn't actually want to, there was no way he would have signed that card

all in all, you have a great birthday and Jesper (and everyone else) makes you feel really special

[achliegh]

Bronze

Alright, I had this wonderful idea come into my head about Clayton, honestly he deserves his own fic. So here is his version of events! Lots will tie together with Golden so I recommend you read that as well. But you don’t have to of course.

Explaining:

Before Letter is the present.

Letter is updating the lives of the people back home, of whoever wrote it mostly.

After Letter is memory.

The first few letters will be very awkward because writing letters and not being sure what to talk about and what not to talk about is hard and confusing. Stick with me! Yes, this prologue is just a letter.

TW/CW: Discussions of death, military training, smut, cringy jokes, underage drinking, dumb choices, swearing, hospitals, injuries and death caused by someone close, domestic abuse, blood, unfair treatment from police, false allegations.

Beta: @walking-crisis

Some Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Chapter 6:

In Color

“I don’t think you’re ready for that.” Grev was leaning against the door frame, cigar in his mouth and dressed in a casual yet expensive suit. “It will mess with your head.”

“Are you allowed to smoke in here?” Grev snatches the book from his grasp and raises a challenging eyebrow at him. Putting his hands up in surrender he starts walking back towards his bed. Ass out.

“How did you get up?” Grev took his normal seat and put his ankle on his knee to get comfortable.

“I stood up… why is that some miracle or something?”

“A little, you did get shot in the back of the head.” Grev goes back to puffing his cigar, oddly enough it doesn’t smell like a normal cigar. His dad would have one every holiday, he knows what they smell like. Clay is about to sit back on the bed when he hears Grev clear his throat, looking up Clay makes eye contact with the older man for a moment.

“Fine, I changed my mind… you can look. But, only if I get to explain the pictures to you.” Clay sits down and pats the mattress next to him. Grev grumbles under his breath and walks over to sit next to him. He opens the picture album to the first page.

“Is that you?” Clay points to a picture of two small boys looking happy with smiles on their faces, but their eyes told a different story. Even in black and white Clay could see how scared they were.

“That's my twin brother Clark and I, we were 12 years old, working in a factory during the Great Depression.” Clay looks up at him confused, Great depression… but Grev doesn’t look that old. Shaking his head thinking maybe he found the fountain of youth, Clay kept looking at the pictures. Flipping through happy and sad pictures as he turned each page.

“You are in the military?”

“Was, and yes. That was my battle buddy, his name was Gerald Kinzie. He was a high school teacher in San Antonio… I wonder where he is now.”

They turn the page and Clay can’t help but awwwwwww out loud. A picture of Grev with a beautiful woman, he’s kissing her cheek and they appear to be in… wedding? Attire.

“That’s your grandmother and I.”

Dear Clayton,

I know you are deployed a little longer than we were told you would be, but it’s okay! As long as you are safe somewhere then I don’t mind! You’re someone I can spill the beans to and not get in trouble.

You obviously remember the Sheriff, well he has passed away. I know it is terrible to celebrate someone's passing but he and his family made your life a living hell. Ashley scarred your beautiful face.

Yes, you may look more devil's advocate but it doesn’t make me sad.

A bad thing to come out of his death, besides his death of course God Bless his soul, is that Leo was investigated for it.

Now this happened a few months ago, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry about your brother, he is just fine now. Him and his boys came to visit not long ago.

First it was Leo by himself and then his boys came down a few days later. He was the happiest I have seen him since you left. He really misses you baby. So does your Daddy.

I think I am close to convincing him to write to you! He was asking for a pen and paper the other night when he had his night smoke on the back porch. So, look out for that letter.

I got a call from Noelle, she is just a peach you sure got lucky with her, she called to ask me if I had a box or a basket of little things you would find and give to me and your Daddy. She called you a penguin and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I told her that we have a room dedicated to everything you would find for us because the things you brought us vary in sizes. She didn’t say much about it after that, just talked about how Thomas and her were thinking about coming down in a month. After the last game of the season.

Of course I told them they can have your room, I’ve been cleaning it everyday just in case you surprise me like you like to do.

I love you baby, can’t wait for you to be home. xoxo

Love,

Mama

P.S

I already know.

It was humid that night, Noelle has been so excited for this date the entire week. They could only do this on a Thursday night because Thomas was leaving for an away game in Hufflepuff, Noelle was going to visit her other sisters, and Clay was going to get tested to get into boot camp this weekend.

So, driving Clay’s brand new truck up to the highest point in Gryff to watch the sunset. It was cliché but it was comforting. Noelle parks the truck after backing it up into the spot so they feel like they are floating over the cliff. They lay blankets and pillows down to be comfortable.

They turned on some low music, Thomas and Noelle laughed as Clay tried to mimic Finn’s dancing on the tailgate as the other two snuggled together. Clay stopped and stared at them for a moment, he didn’t realize how intensely he was staring until he felt two very different hands pull him on top of the beautiful two humans he was staring at.

“Hi…” Noelle snorts and gives him a small kiss on his scarred eyebrow. He feels Thomas lean over to presumably give him a kiss on the cheek. Instead he blows a raspberry in his neck, causing Clay to smack his neck and try to get away, only to be pulled further into the pile until he is being sandwiched in between them. Both looking up at him from where their cheeks are squished into his biceps. They are hugging him tightly and their legs are a tangled mess.

Eventually they all relax their grip on each other just a little, watching the sky as it starts to change colors. Clay notices how heavy his partners have gotten suddenly. He looks down to see that Noelle has fallen asleep with her mouth open and is starting to drool, and Thomas has fallen asleep looking more relaxed and peaceful than he has all week.

Clay knows they don’t want him to go into the military but ever since he moved to Gryff for the winters… he's been lost. Feeling useless while everyone else is out improving their lives. He needed a path of his own. He can’t just be the pretty thing that sits at home and waits for his lovers like a dog. He needs a purpose of his own.

Looking down at them, he smiles and traces the three little moles on Noelles tan cheek that make a triangle. He looks over to Thomas who has a small scar just below his lip. Noelle recently attacked his eyebrows with some tweezers and Clay can still see the little scab from where Thomas tried to move his head and she plucked his skin on accident.

Clay doesn’t realise how much time passed as he just memorised their faces, breathing pattern and the way they cling to him, until he realises the only light illuminating Noelles honey brown hair is the streetlight they parked next to.

He looks up at the sky and sees the stars for the first time since moving to the city… it just so happens to be his lucky night.

He makes a wish on the bright northstar.

He wants this forever.

[daisybeewrites]

You Made Me Soup??

word count: 2.5k

warnings: lots of fluff, daisy gets a cold, daniel takes care of her :)

requested? yes

ship: dousy/daniel sousa x daisy johnson

Soooo this is the first writing that i’m posting on tumblr, let me know how I did in the comments! I’m a sucker for Daisy fluff, lets hope you are too b/c this is very fluffy. I appreciate any feedback and I hope you enjoy!

p.s. drop a request in my inbox if you have a fic idea!

Daisy felt like crap. She just got back home from a long, long mission that seemed as if it had dragged on for weeks (it hadn’t). More importantly, she felt like she hadn’t seen Daniel for weeks (she had, in fact, seen him just six days ago). The night air was chilly as she trudged up the stairs to one of her safe-houses. She frequently crashed here after missions, so she wasn’t surprised when Daniel opened the door and bear hugged her. 

“Umph.” Daisy was sore, and her head hurt like a hangover made of bees, but Daniel’s soothing presence relaxed her. He lifted her chin and gave her a deep kiss on the lips. Sousa would love nothing more than to hold her like this for a couple hours minimum, he knew that Daisy needed time to decompress by herself after missions. He helped her inside and shut the door behind them. Daisy's stomach growled. She peered inside the fridge and settled for a tomato and cheese sandwich. Daisy sat at the kitchen island and munched tiredly. Daniel sat on the couch and silently studied her. Something, he thought, is off. 

“Sweetheart?” he called. 

“Yea?” she replied, around a mouthful of bread.

“Are you, uh, feeling okay?” The genuine concern in his voice caused Daisy to sit up some and look over herself. 

“Do I look that bad?” she wasn’t offended, just surprised. There were a couple tears in the legs and one on the side of her suit from the brambles she had had to run through, and she wore dirt all over her face from the dust that had kicked up after she quaked the enemy assailants back about fifty feet. She honestly didn’t think she looked that bad. A tiny frown appeared on her face before Daniel quickly shut down her train of thought. 

“No, no, you look amazing as always,” Daniel got up quickly and stepped across the dark wood paneled floor into the old tiles that covered the ground in the kitchen. “No, Dais, that isn’t what I’m saying.”

As he reached her, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and brushed her hair out of her face. Daniel had to admit, she looked very cute when she was tired. However, he was too worried about how out of it she looked that he couldn't fully appreciate her adorable state. 

“Then what? Do I have leaves in my hair or something? I could’ve sworn I got them all out!” she began to comb her hair out with her fingers. Daniel just grinned. When she was satisfied that there weren’t any leaves in her hair, she glanced back up at him. His hands were on his hips, and he was using his new prosthetic leg that Jemma and Fitz had designed for him. She returned his grin and hopped off the counter so that she could wrap her arms around his gorgeous shoulders. Suddenly, her vision swam with little black dots and she couldn’t quite get her balance. Daniel reached out to steady her with a little more than worry in his eyes this time. 

“Look at that,” Daisy grinned wider, “I’m actually falling for you.” Daniel let out a low sort of chuckle and sighed. “Daisy, I think you need some sleep.”

Daisy patted his chest and nodded. “Probably.” As she said it, she let out an involuntary yawn, “Okay, so definitely. I need sleep.” 

Daisy began to walk back to her bedroom. It was cozy, and the colors reminded her of her bunk on the zephyr. There was a large bed with an old, wooden nightstand to match in the corner, and a few bean bag chairs and a short floor desk so that she could work at night. The bed was covered in comfy quilts and a soft, lavender duvet. No one would have guessed that a superhero lived here except for the hexagonal panels lining the walls, ceiling, and floor. Simmons and Daisy agreed to install them after Daisy almost leveled the house during a nightmare. It had been Daniel who suggested painting them, so that she wouldn’t feel as enclosed, like a caged animal. Daisy had been all for protecting those around her, insisted on it even. That doesn’t mean she didn’t feel weird having her bedroom look like the containment module. So, with Daniel, Coulson, and May's help, she painted the walls a homey grey and covered the floor in colourful mix-matched rugs. She left the ceiling white. 

Daisy trudged over to her bed and slowly started taking her gear off, but got stuck with the zips and hidden ties. 

“Hey, uh, Sou-” she coughed, “I need some help!” Her voice was muffled by the fabric of her suit. Daniel came to lean on the door frame. He smirked at the sight before him. Daisy’s arms were twisted behind her trying to undo a zipper, but had gotten caught while trying to pull it down. Subsequently, the material she had already loosened in the front rose up to reveal her tan, toned stomach. He walked over slowly and put his hands on her waist. 

“Mmmhm, Danny-boy, if you want me to sleep you need to just help me out of this damn suit!” she heard a chuckle and a soft ‘okay’ in response. He reached around her and undid the zipper, freeing her hands of the black fabric. She pulled the top over her head and went to get a sleep shirt. 

Daniel stopped her. “I’ll get it. You just relax.” 

Daisy was too tired to argue. She undressed from the rest of the suit and took the over-sized, comfy clothes he gathered. She pecked his cheek before going to the bathroom to wash her face and put the clothes on. Daniel watched her walk into the bathroom, a bright pink blush on his cheeks when she turned around and noticed him staring. At least he didn't cover his eyes when she changed anymore.

Daisy closed the door and turned the lights on in the bathroom. This was the first time she was able to good look at herself after the mission. She really did look like hell. The scars on her stomach and legs were a tad irritated from wearing her tac gear for so long, and her eyes also looked red. She ignored it and made a mental note to use the healing ointment Jemma had packed in her duffel bag on the red, raised tissue. She leaned forward to get a better look at herself. Her nose itched. Daisy quickly forgot about it as she finished getting ready for bed and slipped into the shirt and shorts that Daniel had handed her. 

When she stepped out of the bathroom, Daniel wasn’t there, but she could hear him in the living room down the hall. She still felt horrible, but the warm, coffee-and-vanilla scent that was just Daniel lulled her into a deep sleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.

When Daisy woke up the next morning, she felt absolutely disgusting. She grumbled as she tried to sit up. Her head was pounding, the pressure centered right between her eyebrows. She noticed the bottle of water and pills sitting on her bedside table, and promptly took them. Her nose hurt now, and her body was achier than it had been last night. She could probably sleep for another hour. Instead, she forced herself onto wobbly legs to take a scalding hot shower. The steam felt good on her muscles, and cleared her senses enough that she could properly breathe. She dressed in a clean t-shirt that she recognized as one of Sousa's and a pair of grey sweatpants (also Sousa's, Daisy stole them). Daisy trekked down the hall towards the warm, inviting couch. 

Daniel felt more than heard Daisy arrive in the living room, but only turned around when he heard a large crash!

“Daisy! Are you okay? What happened?” Daisy was currently laying on the floor next to a fallen lamp. 

“Ow…” she . “I turned the corner and this lamp was here.” 

Daniel crutched over to her, then gracefully sat down beside her. “Sorry Dais, didn’t know the lamp was an enemy combatant.” 

She gave a tired laugh. “I should’ve looked. I don’t feel great right now. I was practically sleepwalking down the hall.” 

Daniel looked over Daisy. He noticed she was wearing his clothes, and tried not to show exactly how that affected him. Daisy snapped him out of his reverie with a small sneeze. Without missing a beat, he handed her his handkerchief. Daisy still thought it odd that he had one, but felt extremely glad he did. Daniel thought he heard a low mumble of ‘cute square’, but couldn’t be sure. Daisy was definitely cute, even when sick.

Daisy groaned as she clutched her head. Daniel swung himself up, and she noticed his leg was... not a leg. Daisy smiled. Knowing that he felt safe enough in her house to relax and not wear his prosthetic made a little bubble of warmth blossom in her chest. Daniel reached a hand down to help her up, and with expert balance, helped her up to her feet. He pressed the cool back of his hand to her forehead. Daisy leaned into the touch. 

“That feels good. Like, really good.” 

Daniel gave her a quizzical stare. “Has anyone ever taken care of you while you were sick?”

Daisy was incredulous. “I’m not sick!” 

Daniel replied with a raised eyebrow and took his hand away from her head. She leaned forward slightly, chasing his hand before stopping herself. It dawned on Daniel that she hadn’t had parents to take care of her when she was a kid, and there was no way she would have let the team nurse her if she came down with something. 

“C’mere,” Daniel led her over to the couch and handed her a thick blanket. She took it and tried to spread it over her legs. Daniel laughed a little as she failed miserably. Daisy pouted and sighed, frustrated. Daniel took the blanket and flourished it, then laid it gently over her. 

“Square,” she teased. An adorable square.

“Your square, though.” Daniel grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, then her knuckles and wrist. Daisy didn’t want to admit how good it made her feel. Daniel got up as he directed her to stay there. “I’ll get some stuff to help.” 

Daisy dozed in and out while Sousa gathered what he needed. She could smell something delicious in the kitchen, and heard Sousa walking around. When he was finished, he woke Daisy up with a shake of her shoulder. He carefully helped her sit up. 

“Let’s go,” he stated, with a mischievous smile. 

“Go... where?” she questioned. The look in Sousa’s eye was making her slightly nervous. No, not nervous... just jittery with anticipation. Huh. Daniel started to walk away, checking over his shoulder to see if she was coming. She quickly shook her head and got up. She followed him down the hall to the bathroom, where a warm bath was waiting. 

“Honey?”

“Yes, dear?” Daniel was leaning against the counter, arms crossed, and staring at 

Daisy as if she was the only light in the universe. His gaze made her feel all mushy inside, and she pushed down the tears that almost welled up. Daisy told herself it was because she was sick (but we all know it wasn't). Daniel broke eye contact and pushed himself off the counter. 

“I’ll be in the kitchen," Daniel winked and gave her kiss on the cheek, then left Daisy standing dumbfounded next to the tub. "Holler if you need me.”

She touched where he kissed and promptly undressed. The bath felt like heaven. If only she could keep her eyes open... 

She was woken around fifteen minutes later by the smell of something she could only describe as mouthwatering coming from the kitchen. She toweled off and put on a t-shirt and the shorts she wore the night before. She tip-toed to the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Daniel. Daisy rested her head in between his shoulder blades. She lifted her head and he turned around to place his hands on her waist, slowly pulling her in.

“I don’t think this is safe next to a stove.” Daisy quipped. Daniel murmured something incoherent in her hair. She peered over his shoulder to see what he was cooking.

“Soup?” Daisy questioned, “You... made me soup?” Daniel suddenly seemed shy. He looked away, unsure if he was stepping too far, or if she even liked soup. Even groggy and sick, Daisy picked up on this. She threw her arms around him and whispered into his shoulder. “Thank you, Daniel. No one's ever done this kind of thing for me.” 

His face warmed at hearing her call him Daniel. It wasn't often that she did that, usually she stuck to a silly nickname or called him ‘Sousa’ out of habit. 

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” Daniel leaned in for a kiss, but Daisy quickly leaned away. Daniel sent her a confused, pouty, adorable glare. 

“I-I don’t want you to get sick,” she stuttered by way of explanation, “You should probably stay away until I’m feeling better.” In spite of her words, when Sousa slowly leaned in, she mirrored his movements. 

“So, you do admit you’re sick.” Daniel whispered with a triumphant smile. Daisy wanted to argue, but realized there was no way out of this. She pushed him away and shuffled over to the living room, flopping dramatically on the couch.

“Yes, fine! I’m sick.” Daisy closed her eyes to go back to sleep, then remembered the soup that Daniel was currently pouring into bowls, and sat up. He brought it over and carefully handed it to her. She tried a spoonful and burnt her tongue the first time. When she tried again, she looked up through her lashes at Daniel sitting beside her, intently waiting for her verdict.

“Oh my god, this is amazing!” she half-moaned with delight. “You need to cook more often.”

Daniel watched her eat the soup quietly, and took her bowl to the sink when she was finished. When he got back, Daisy had turned on the TV and was watching Singing in the Rain. He smiled at the familiar picture. They spent the next couple hours watching old movies and cuddling. Daisy had protested at first, but gave in when Daniel threatened to tell Jemma she was sick. Daisy happily drifted to sleep with her head on Daniel's chest and the rest of her wrapped around him like a koala. 

She woke up early the next morning, and somehow got up without waking Daniel. She padded over to the fridge to pour a cup of orange juice, swallowing a couple pills to help get rid of the last dregs of her cold. She felt really good. Better than good, actually. She felt warm and loved and she had a soft smile on her face as she watched Daniel snooze. 

Little did Daisy know, Daniel had absolutely caught her cold. Daisy also didn't know exactly how needy Daniel is when he’s sick. 

A/N: how are you feeling? warm, fuzzy? good. that was my evil plan all along. have a great day and don’t forget to drink water!

[xomarauders]

hello everyone,

it has been far too long since i have posted anything on here and for that i apologize, but i have been working on some of my own writing as well as just dealing with personal stuff so please forgive me. 

i also might be changing this blog up a bit and start posting more than just marauders fanfiction (such as some of my own writing perhaps). i’m still not sure about this idea because i don’t really want to change my user name or anything and i do want to contiue writing fics so we’ll see! 

anyway, without further ado, here is my latest fic for yall :) hope you enjoy! (p.s. there is a second part coming!!!)

tw: internalized homophobia, implied child abuse, depictions of a panic attack

--

The cold December air was harsh against Marlene’s skin as she stood outside the small record shop she had been frequenting since she was fourteen. It was tucked away in the side of a building in London, offering solace to those who did not seem to fit in with the more fast-paced, business-like folk you so often saw among the sidewalks. The cigarette in her hand was offering little warmth but seemed to be calming her nerves, so she stayed outside to finish smoking it. It was winter break from Hogwarts and Marlene was relieved to be away from school for the time being as well as away from her friends. She couldn’t face them at the moment. Not after what she did.

Marlene rolled her eyes at herself for thinking of things she’d rather forget and tossed the butt of her cigarette to the ground before crushing it with the toe of her combat boot. With one last glance toward the busy street, she retreated into the record shop which greeted her immediately with the chime of a bell and rock music playing throughout the speakers of the store.

A man at the register with short, dirty blonde hair and rings through his eyebrows glanced up at her entrance, a smile appearing on his face.

“Marlene! Haven’t seen you in a while.” He commented, swinging his legs over the counter and making his way toward her. Marlene gave a non-committal shrug but returned the high-five he offered her with semi frozen fingers.

“How has business been, Curtis?” She asked, glancing around the nearly empty shop. There was no one else in there aside from the two of them and Marlene felt her heart break just a little bit. This was one of her favorite places to be, a place she and her friends would escape to during the summer to be with one another. She wondered if their absence was the reason for her melancholic mood.

“It hasn’t been bad. Just caught me on a slow day.” Curtis replied, seeming to notice Marlene’s shift in behavior. “Lily was in here the other day, actually. Got herself a few new albums.”

Marlene looked up at the mention of Lily and felt her cheeks burn slightly. She wondered if Lily had mentioned anything about the incident to Curtis. Judging by the passive look on his face, she assumed not and tried to school her own expression into a neutral one.

“Yeah? What albums?”

After Curtis introduced her to the new music Lily had gotten, Marlene picked up a few albums of her own to purchase before leaving the shop to get back home. She would have stayed to visit with Curtis longer, but she didn’t want to linger in a space that reminded her so much of her friends at the moment and she especially didn’t want to run into them anytime soon.

It was a bit of a walk to the closest floo station and the London streets were bustling with people walking home from work or coming out for the night. Marlene kept her head down, staring at the pavement in front of her and wrapping her jacket tightly around herself, blocking out the bitter cold as best she could. Suddenly, a body collided against her and she fell backwards, dropping her records in the process.

“What the fu—?” Marlene was cut off by the commotion of being pulled off the sidewalk and dragged into a nearby alley way.

She looked up, ready to scream insults at her attacker, but stopped at the sight of Sirius Black’s face. His hair was tied up in a bun, though most of it seemed to have fallen out, and there was a wide look of panic in his eyes that matched the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He was trembling finely and looked ready to pass out as he glanced behind him in a paranoid manner. It seemed as though he was running from something. Or someone.

“Sirius?” Marlene asked, keeping her voice low. She turned to look in the direction where Sirius was peering and spotted two men seemingly searching the crowd. Her eyebrows raised. There was something off about the two men…they did not fit in with the rest of the crowd, the clothes they wore were different, not really matching and the confused, disgusted looks on their faces made them stick out like sore thumbs. Realization hit her like a ton of bricks—they were wizards trying to blend in with a muggle crowd. Purebloods, to be exact.

She whirled around to look at Sirius once more. “Sirius, who are those men?” She hissed, desperate to know what kind of danger they could possibly be in. Rumors about dark wizards had begun circulating around Hogwarts for months now. Followers of Voldemort that had begun to call themselves “Death Eaters” were threatening the lives of muggleborns, though Marlene had never actually seen any such wizard. Until now, she supposed.

“We’ve got to get out of here.” Sirius said, completely ignoring her question. He looked down towards the other end of the alley to see a chain link fence and cursed. They were trapped it seemed and Marlene felt herself begin to panic.

“Sirius,” She said, her voice urgent, though she wasn’t sure what she was pleading for.

He turned to her once more, gripping her shoulders tightly and staring at her intently. “I have an idea, but you have to promise me that you won’t breathe a word of this to anybody, do you understand?”

Marlene nodded and then watched with complete shock and awe as Sirius disappeared, a large, black dog appearing in his place. Animagus, she realized with a jolt. The dog turned away, walking back down the alley before turning and barking at Marlene, as if motioning for her to follow. She blinked a few times, still shocked at the sudden change of events, before following him back into the streets. He stopped where she had dropped her records and Marlene bent down to pick them up, a slight frown playing on her lips at the sight of the bent corners of the packaging. She was just about to scold Sirius when a rough voice behind her cleared their throat. She looked up, just as Sirius growled, to see the two men from earlier standing there.

The men did not seem to pay attention to the dog, focusing their gaze solely on Marlene instead. She tried to keep her face neutral, raising a single eyebrow in their direction. “Can I help you?”

“Have you seen a boy run through here?” The shorter of the two men asked, his lip curling in disgust. The other man eyed Marlene warily, taking in her muggle attire and turning his nose up at the mere sight. Marlene tried not to roll her eyes.

“No.” She replied, sounding calmer than she felt.

The two men shared a look, as if trying to decide whether or not she was telling the truth, before nodding their understanding and moving past her without another word. Marlene felt as Sirius curled around her legs, watching as they disappeared around the corner before letting out a victorious bark. She looked down at him, shaking her head.

“I suppose you need somewhere to hide for a while?”

Another yelp and wag of his tale gave Marlene all the answers she needed.

****

“Well, this is home.” Marlene said with a sigh, dropping her records onto her bed with a soft thud. Sirius—still in his canine form—sniffed around before cocking his head in her direction and allowing his tongue to roll out of his mouth. Marlene wrinkled her nose at the slobber. “I think you are safe to go back to your usual…form. Unless you’re stuck that is.”

Again, Marlene watched in amazement as Sirius came back to himself, a shiver running through his body as he grinned at her. “Nice room you’ve got, McKinnon. Am I the first boy you’ve brought home?”

“Care to explain what just happened?” She asked, not caring for the way he seemed to avoid explaining himself.

Sirius shrugged, moving toward the desk in the corner of the room and running his fingers down the various artwork Marlene had spread out there. A look of wonder shined in his eyes as he delicately examined the paintings and drawings as if they were some sort of precious treasure. He stopped at a particular piece of a woman’s face done with charcoal pencil and Marlene felt herself blush at the way he traced the strokes that molded her lips.

“These are wonderful. Who did them?”

“I did.”

Sirius turned, his eyebrows raised with surprise and admiration. “Really? I didn’t know you were an artist.”

She stood up, marching over to where he stood, and removed the drawing from his grasp, shoving it beneath the rest of the art, effectively obscuring it from his wandering eyes, before turning to face him once more.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Black.”

She did not miss the way he seemed to flinch away from her before shaking it off and plastering another smirk across his face. “Touché.” He spoke quietly.  

Marlene felt a jolt of guilt in her gut, feeling bad for snapping at him. He was merely admiring her work. He did not understand the context of her drawing and likely wouldn’t make the connection. Afterall, he did not live in her mind where all the confusing thoughts and doubts resided. He could not possibly know her dirty little secret.

“Just…tell me what happened back there. Do I need to be afraid that someone might follow you here?” She asked, changing the topic.

“Those were the Lestrange brothers. Rabastan and Rodolphus. Purebloods. Family friends.”

“Why were they looking for you?”

“Because I may have said something rather…deplorable at my dear cousin’s engagement party.” Sirius said it with a grin, but Marlene noticed the flicker of fear in his eyes.

Marlene vaguely knew about the Black family and the way they presented themselves. Most of her ideas about them came from the mere reactions Sirius had whenever someone brought the prestigious bloodline. He was always loud about it, shouting about how stuck up they were in the Gryffindor common room and how grateful he was that he had not followed in their footsteps and ended up in Slytherin. She also knew that they were blood purists, believing that muggles were beneath them.

From what she had gathered, she was not a fan of them.

“Is there any way they can find you here?” Marlene asked, unwilling to allow her family to become endangered for hiding a self-proclaimed fugitive. Sirius just laughed, shaking his head so that his hair flung about. Marlene would have found it amusing how much it reminded her of a dog if it were under difference circumstances.

“I doubt they would. Going into muggle London was bad enough for them, they’re not going to continue their search in a muggle neighborhood.”

Marlene did not get the chance to ask what Sirius planned to do next due to the sound of the front door opening and her family announcing their presence.

“Marls!” Her father shouted up the steps. “We’re home!”

“Come down and tell us how your trip to London was. Your brother has been pestering me all afternoon about not letting him go with you.” Her mother spoke with a laugh and Marlene heard her brother scoff indignantly.

Marlene turned to Sirius, pointing a finger at him and giving him the best glare that she could. “Be on your best behavior. Go along with everything I say, are we clear?” Sirius just nodded, unwilling to cross her and with a final nod Marlene turned to exit the room with Sirius following closely behind. As they entered the living area, Marlene watched as her brother’s eyes went wide at the sight of Sirius.  

“Mum! Marlene’s brought a friend home!” He announced. The McKinnon’s turned, a look of surprise on each of their faces at the sight of the young man standing in their home. Marlene’s mother turned to her and offered a hesitant smile.

“Marlene, who’s your friend?”

“Mum, dad, this is Sirius. He goes to school with me.”

Her father instantly lit up, clasping her hands together as he plopped down on the sofa. “Another wizard! How nice to meet you, young man. I’m Grant McKinnon, but you can just call me Grant.” He offered Sirius a hand and Marlene tried her best not to smirk as Sirius suddenly stood up a bit straighter and shook her fathers’ hand as if he were meeting the Queen.

“A pleasure to meet you, sir. Lovely home you have here.”

“What a gentleman.” Her mother laughed lightly. “I’m Lottie.”

This time, Marlene had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing as she watched Sirius gently kiss her mother’s hand. Merlin, he really was a posh bastard.

“I’m Freddie.” Her brother greeted, not wanting to be left out, and Sirius’s eyes lit up.

“Like Freddie Mercury?”

“Exactly!” Freddie exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

Just as Marlene was about to interrupt to give an explanation as to why Sirius was there in the first place, her family initiated a game of twenty questions directed toward the poor boy.

“So, you go to Hogwarts then?” Lottie asked, an easy smile playing on her lips. She moved to sit by her husband, smoothing out her yellow sun dress as she did so. Sirius nodded, a proud smile appearing on his face.

“Yes. Sorted into Gryffindor, just like Marlene.”

Grant leaned forward; an eyebrow raised. “That’s the one with the lion, right?”

Marlene rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Dad, you know it is.”

Her father merely laughed, raising his hands in defense as he leaned back once more. “I just want to make sure! I never went to Hogwarts now did I?”

“Oh, did you go to Beaubaxtons?” Sirius asked and Marlene cringed.

“Oxford, actually.” Her father answered easily, and Sirius glanced at Marlene with clear confusion on his face. Grant didn’t seem to mind though, catching on to what Sirius wasn’t fully understanding. “I don’t have magic, son.”

Sirius’s eyes went wide for the hundredth time that day it seemed, and he grinned wickedly. “You’re a muggle.” He stated as if he had just made a new discovery. Marlene got the impression that Sirius had never really spoken to a muggle before now.

“You’re pureblood then, Sirius?” Marlene’s mother asked, quickly connecting the dots of Sirius’s curiosity.

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah I am.” Sirius shifted a bit uncomfortably and Lottie frowned at the sudden change in behavior.

“I was the only witch in my family.” Lottie continued, changing the subject. “Was sorted into Ravenclaw at Hogwarts.”

“That’s what I’m going to be.” Freddie piped up, puffing his chest out in perfect eight-year old fashion. Marlene rolled her eyes.

“You still have three more years and there’s no guarantee you’ll follow in mum’s footsteps.”

Freddie narrowed his eyebrows and glared at Marlene. “But I want to be a Ravenclaw.”

“You can be whatever you want to be, mate.” Sirius said solemnly and Marlene found herself surprised at the sincerity in Sirius’s voice. She had never known Sirius to behave in such ways at school, often getting into trouble and shouting about loudly and animatedly. What he said had seemed to be an acceptable answer for Freddie, though, who beamed right back at Sirius.

“Sirius needs a place to stay.” Marlene blurted suddenly, and everyone’s attention turned toward her once more. Her mother gave her a dubious look, waiting patiently for an explanation while her father seemed to not even question the notion.

“For how long?” Grant asked.

“Oh. Uh, you don’t have to do that, sir. I’ll be okay on my own.”

Lottie leaned forward, reaching out for Sirius who instantly flinched in return, causing her to draw her hands back quickly, a stunned look on her face at his reaction. She cleared her throat and fixed him with a serious look. “It’s not problem if you need somewhere to sleep, Sirius. I would just like a reason and an idea of how long you would be staying.”

Sirius glanced at Marlene hesitantly. Clearly, he had not planned on staying here but he also had not planned on going home. Had he assumed that she would kick him to the streets? Perhaps that was what he had intended to do all along. Marlene frowned at the idea of Sirius wandering aimlessly about London, probably in his Animagus form, just to hide away from his family. She wondered how terrible they must be for him to resort to such a thing.

Marlene turned back to her parents, a resolute look on her face. “However long he needs.”

****

Grant quickly set up a cot for Sirius in Freddie’s bedroom—who was far too excited to have a roommate for the time being—and Sirius offered his thanks every five minutes with Grant dismissing it with a wave of his hand stating “it’s just what we do, son.”

Marlene was preparing for bed in her own room when a tentative knock came from the door. “Come in.”

Her mother walked in, shutting the door behind her with a soft click before making herself comfortable on Marlene’s bed. She looked at Marlene with a curious but open expression and Marlene found herself wondering if her mother could see right through her.  

“Is Sirius…someone you fancy?” She asked, and Marlene realized that perhaps her mother couldn’t see her at all.

“No.” She answered honestly, and her mother nodded, accepting the answer without question. Lottie still sat there though, mulling something around in her brain it seemed before letting it out.

“Is he in trouble?”

Marlene considered her mother’s question. The truth was that Marlene really wasn’t sure if Sirius was in trouble or not. It could just be him being his usual dramatic self and getting a kick out of ruining some extravagant family function, but somehow it felt different. The look of pure fear in his eyes when they were in that alley way was burned into her mind.

“I don’t know.” She said finally, her voice sounding more childish than she cared for. Her mother sighed, standing up and opening her arms which Marlene gratefully fell into. She closed her eyes, grateful that her parents were who they were. That they were so accepting and helpful towards everyone. It made her proud to be their daughter. She wondered idly if they would be accepting of everything or if there was some unforeseen limit to which their compassion reached.

Marlene thought about the events that occurred just a few days ago. The firewhiskey her and her friends had indulged in, intent on having one last night of fun before leaving each other for the winter holiday. She thought about the tingly feeling in her stomach as she leaned forward, placing her lips against Lily’s. She thought about the shocked look on Lily’s face and the small sound of surprise that came from Alice’s mouth. She thought about how she ran away before she could even give her friends a chance to ridicule her for her actions.  

It had been eating at her ever since, and now, as her mother held her in her arms, she wondered how she would react to the idea of her daughter liking girls.

“Mum?” Marlene asked, her heart rate picking up speed and hands starting to shake.

“Yes, dear?” Lottie pulled back, a look of concern on her face.

Marlene felt her throat close up, blocking off the words she wanted to confess. I can’t do this. Not now.

“Never mind.” She breathed, looking down at her feet instead of meeting her mother’s gaze. Lottie lingered there a moment, debating whether or not to push the subject. In the end, she just hugged Marlene tighter and smoothed out her hair.

“Okay. But you can always come talk to me whenever you need, okay?” Lottie kissed her daughter’s forehead and went to leave the room, turning in the doorway just before exiting. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, mum.”

As her mother left, Marlene crawled into bed, huddling deeply beneath the blankets and turning to face the wall, finally allowing her tears to fall.

****

Marlene awoke to a frantic knocking on her door. She shot up in bed, immediately reaching for her wand and pointing it towards the doorway. What if it was the Lestranges? What if they had followed Marlene and Sirius straight to her home? What if it were the Blacks themselves, here to take their runaway heir home and punish those who gave him sanctuary?

“Marls! Open the door, it’s Freddie!”

A feeling of relief as well as slight irritation flooded through her. Freddie was tolerable most of the time, but waking her up in the middle of the night was definitely not a way to get on Marlene’s good side.

“What do you want, Mercury?” She asked as she swung the door open. Freddie was standing there, his hands twisted together and his face painted with worry and fear that immediately caused Marlene’s sour attitude toward her brother to vanish. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s Sirius. He won’t stop shaking and, and I thought he was having a nightmare and so I went over to shake him awake and he…he freaked out! He screamed and pushed me away and now he’s huddled in the corner and he won’t stop crying and—”

Marlene pushed past her brother and moved down the hallway towards his bedroom. When she got there, the cot was flipped over and the blankets were in a tangled mess on the floor. Sirius was pressed against the wall, his knees tucked up against his chest and his hands pulling anxiously at his hair. He was muttering something Marlene couldn’t quite make out but whatever it was, he sounded utterly terrified. Marlene turned to Freddie who had followed closely behind her.

“Go get mom.”

Freddie nodded and raced away, seemingly grateful about being given a task. Marlene turned her attention back to Sirius. He hadn’t even noticed the two of them had come into the room, too lost in whatever memory he was reliving. Marlene had heard about this sort of behavior before, when her dad spoke of her grandfather and the effects the war had on him. The panicked breathing and dissociation that blinded a person to their realities were sure signs of post-traumatic stress, she was sure. She was also sure she that she was way out of her depth to properly break Sirius out of it, but she’d be dammed if she didn’t try.

“Sirius,” She spoke slowly, inching towards him before kneeling in front of him. He shook harder, his breath coming out in pants. Merlin, he was going to make himself pass out.

“Hey,” She grabbed his hand and he recoiled with a scream.

“No! No, please! Please don’t, it hurts.” He whimpered. Marlene felt sick and uncomfortable. This was not the Sirius Black she knew. This was a scared and hurt little boy that Marlene could not help.

“What is it?” Marlene turned. Her mother was standing in the doorway, her father and brother right behind her. She watched as Lottie’s eyes found Sirius and she motioned for Marlene to move away. Marlene obliged, standing, and watching her mother crouch down in her place.

“Sirius, sweetie? It’s Lottie. Marlene’s mom, remember?” He didn’t respond but Lottie didn’t seem deterred.

“Breathe with me, Sirius. I’m going to count and we are going to breathe.”

Marlene watched in awe as her mother calmly coaxed Sirius out of the horrific state he was trapped in. They breathed together, with Sirius attempting to match Lottie the more lucid he became. Eventually, Lottie took his hands in hers, rubbing small circles in his palms with the pads of her thumbs. She spoke softly to him, asking him questions about his surroundings and Sirius muttered back short responses. Slowly, he came back to himself. Marlene stood in the doorway, Freddie beside her still looking quite distressed and her father with an unreadable expression playing on his features.

“Marlene could you come sit here beside Sirius? I’m going to go whip up a potion for him to take. Freddie, Grant, why don’t you come help me? Give Sirius some space.”

Freddie nodded wordlessly and turned to head down the stairs followed by his father. As Marlene passed her mother, Lottie put a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t make him talk about it,” She whispered, “just listen if he does.”

Marlene nodded and Lottie gave her a sad smile before leaving the two teens alone. Sirius stared down at his lap, his eyes puffy with tears and his hair a tangly mess. He seemed embarrassed and shifted slightly when Marlene took a seat next to him. She didn’t blame him. She’d be pretty embarrassed too if her whole bravado façade fell apart in front of an audience. It was quiet between them, and Marlene struggled as she thought of something to say. She wanted to ask Sirius what had happened, what kind of nightmare he’d had to cause such a reaction, but she refrained. Still, she thought she could gather a well enough idea.

“I’m thinking of cutting some fringe.” She says instead, reaching up to toy with a strand of her hair. Sirius blinks, glancing toward her and then back at his toes. “I think it’d be a nice change, you know. Eleanor Tippets has fringe and it’s quite nice looking, don’t you think?”

“I’ve never thought about Eleanor Tippets.” Sirius responds. Progress, she thinks.

“Me neither. Not really. Just noticed her hair is all.” Marlene purses her lips. “James has some wild hair, doesn’t he? Does it naturally look like that or does he do it on purpose?”

A ghost of a smile traces Sirius’ lips and Marlene feels her muscles lose a bit of the tension she was unaware she had been holding.

“It’s naturally messy, though he does run his fingers through it often.”

“When he flirts with all the girls?”

“Well, just one girl, really. He still can’t get over Evans.”

Marlene tenses a bit but forces the conversation to continue. “Lily is nice.”

“So is James. She still hasn’t given him a chance.”

Sirius was right, Marlene supposed. James Potter wasn’t exactly the poster boy for good behavior, but he was nice enough. He always helped first years with their homework and encouraged the Gryffindor Quidditch team to win the games and have fun doing it. Lily had talked about James before, to Marlene and Alice, usually to complain about how annoying he was or about what elaborate date he asked her on that week. At the time, Marlene thrilled over the fact that Lily was not into James and perhaps she imagined it was for the same reasons Marlene wasn’t into boys. Now, though, as she looked back on it, she could remember the faint blush gracing her friend’s cheeks each time James smiled at her and the way her lips would twitch upwards just before she told him to get lost.

“My parents hate me.” Sirius said suddenly. Marlene felt her heart stop. Even if she expected it, it was different to hear the words falling so painfully out of Sirius’ mouth. She looked towards him, at the hunch of his shoulders and the pain in his eyes. It was painful to see Sirius this way. He should be jumping on the bed or ranting to Marlene about David Bowie. He shouldn’t be sitting in the corner with trembling hands and a fear of his family. It wasn’t right.

“They shouldn’t hate you.” Marlene knew it was a lame response, but she didn’t know what to say. She had never prepared for a conversation like this, let alone with Sirius Black.

Sirius scoffed. “Oh, I don’t know. I sometimes hate me.”

“Why?”

“We’re not close enough for this conversation, McKinnon.”

“Well, you’re the one who started it.”

Before Sirius could reply, Lottie had stepped back into the room, a cup held in her hand that presumably held the potion she had concocted. Sirius accepted it gratefully, attempting to put his mask of perfect manners back on, though his hands still shook as he drank. Lottie exchanged a look with Marlene, a frown on her face and pity in her eyes. Marlene looked away. She knew Sirius would hate to have any pity directed towards him so it felt wrong to accept such a look.

“You can stay in my room for the rest the night,” Marlene said, “I don’t want you to scare my brother awake with your screams again. He might just wet the bed.”

Lottie opened her mouth to scold Marlene, but Sirius just let out that barking laugh that Marlene had come to enjoy now that she had learned about Sirius’ animagus form. Her parents set the cot up in Marlene’s room quickly and said goodnight once more before shutting the bedroom door. Sirius stood awkwardly next to the cot, his hands clasped together in front of him. Marlene crawled underneath her own blankets, scooting as close to the wall as she could before patting the space next to her. Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Are you inviting me into your bed, McKinnon?”

Marlene rolled her eyes. “Just for sleep, you dog.”

Sirius hesitated, but slid in beside her after a moment of consideration. He was careful not to touch her, whether that was to make her more comfortable or him, Marlene wasn’t sure. She turned on her side so that she was facing him. He stared resolutely at the ceiling, his hands on his chest and eyes wide open.

“You can relax you know. I don’t bite.”

“Biting might be fun.”  

“Sirius—”

“I’m kidding!”

Marlene just shook her head. What a weird day, she thought as she closed her eyes and let her thoughts wander. Spending Christmas break with Sirius Black wasn’t something she had ever planned to do and now here he was, lying in her bed. Marlene wondered what Lily and Alice would say if she told them. She frowned as she thought of her friends. Would they still be her friends when she got back to Hogwarts? Or would they shy away from her, possibly even hate her. She couldn’t bear the sick feeling that washed over her at the idea of that.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Sirius asked. Marlene opened her eyes to see him gazing at her with an uncharacteristic look of empathy on his face. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“I’m thinking about how much sleep you’re costing me.”

Sirius flushed slightly, but persisted, nonetheless. “Oh, come on. Your face was all scrunched up, there’s no way you were thinking of sleep. Enlighten me, McKinnon.”

“No.”

“Is it a boy?”

“No.”

“Good. Then I have no competition.”

“Trust me when I say this, Sirius. You are not my type.”

Sirius hesitated and then, “I’m sorry for messing up your holiday. I can leave tomorrow. Find my way to James’ house. He’s more equipped to deal with this mess.”

Marlene wanted to reassure Sirius that he was no bother, that she was happy to help, but she couldn’t. Because she probably wasn’t as equipped to deal with all of Sirius’ stuff, not compared to James who knew Sirius better than anyone. Marlene suddenly felt a sense of guilt overcome her. She and Sirius had always been friends at school, chatting in the common room on occasion and sitting next to each other in history of magic, but they were never close. She supposed it was because Sirius didn’t let people get too close, no one except for James, Remus, and Peter. Not that she was any better.

“We can write him in the morning if that would make you more comfortable.” She mumbled. Sirius nodded.

“That would probably be best.”

“Sirius,” Marlene hesitated. “Sirius, I don’t want to pry or anything but…what happened? Why did you run away?”

A dark look settled over Sirius’ face and Marlene almost recoiled. Whatever happened had been bad, probably worse than Marlene could imagine. She almost regretted asking the question and was about to tell him he didn’t have to answer when he spoke in a breath.

“They tried to kill me.”

Marlene’s blood ran cold. She didn’t want to believe it. She wanted Sirius to crack a teasing smile and claim that he was just being his usual dramatic self and that he was exaggerating the story and that his parents just had some old-fashioned ideas that got him in trouble when he didn’t agree with them. That she could handle. But this…god, she was going to be sick.

“Why?” Her voice sounded childish, laced with curiosity, and horrified awe.

“I…disagreed with them, as usual. But this time it was because of more personal beliefs.”

“Personal beliefs?”

“I told them I was gay.”

There was a stutter in Marlene’s heart, a sudden thrill that she wasn’t alone, such an excitement that she almost screamed “me too!” back at him. But she didn’t. Because right now was about Sirius, not her.  Instead, she reached out and took Sirius’ hand. He flinched at the motion but Marlene did not let go. She could not let go, not now, not when she might be the only person who Sirius might be able to relate to, that he might be the only person who could understand her. She felt the need to cling to this, to remember this moment as Sirius told her this secret with raw vulnerability and tears in his eyes because not only was the world cruel to people like them but his own parents couldn’t see past their own prejudices to just love their son. Instead, they set out to hurt and even kill. Marlene could make this moment matter. She could make this moment a happy moment for him.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Sirius finally met her gaze, surprise evident on his face. She grinned back at him, her own eyes watering.

“I am so fucking proud of you, Sirius. For being strong enough and brave enough to stand up to your parents and be who you are. I really admire that and I am so happy that you shared it with me. Thank you.”

Sirius’ body seemed to lose all the tension he had been holding since bumping into Marlene earlier that day. God, had it only been a day? Marlene felt as though Sirius had been there for weeks, ready to burst at the seams at any moment. And this was that moment. He started crying in earnest, his body shaking and eyes becoming blinded with tears. Marlene inched forward, wrapping her arms around him, and holding him close. Her own face was wet with tears of joy and pain for her friend.

Eventually they fell asleep, wrapped tightly around each other. It was how Lottie found them in the morning.

[aloysiavirgata]

Love’s Austere and Lonely Offices

Title:  Love’s Austere and Lonely Offices

Author: Aloysia Virgata

Rating: PG 

Words: 5758

Timeline: Season 9

Summary:   “ A letter is in fact the only device for combining solitude and good company.” -- Jacques Barzun

Author’s Notes: This fic was written in 2015. I couldn't bear the thought of their only communication in all that time being the "Dearest Dana" letters. (Which I added to just a teeny-weeny bit. Also added a little to Scully's Carterlogue to William.) Scully quotes from (what else?) Moby Dick and Mulder from The Divine Comedy. The title is from Those Winter Sundays by Robert Hayden. 

Fe3O4 is magnetite and R2NCl is chloramine. I know my little ads are cryptic, so there's an addendum at the end for those interested parties. (See the end of the work for more notes.)  

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, May 26 2001 In this world, shipmates, Sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without a passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers. R2NCl + H2O = Bellefleur + Braddock Heights? So claims a woman with node at C5 **** Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, May 29 2001 These have not the hope to die. Developments? Nothing on my end. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 18 Jun 2001 Things are calm for now and hopefully communication can be somewhat regular for a time. I have a cash-under-the-table job at the moment and it covers basic needs. I know you wanted to come, but this is no life for a child. I will be home as soon as I am able. I know that goes without saying, but it makes me feel better to say it anyway. I have to go now. Tell me about William. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 18 Jun 2001 Mulder, It's so good to hear from you, you have no idea. Have you made any progress yet? There have been strange goings-on since you left, but I don't know what to make of any of it. I don't know whom to trust right now and just tell everyone I cannot contact you. I have not been able to make any sense of my last inquiry and am at a standstill. Please tell me everything you discover and let me know what I can do. Don't leave me in the dark on this, Mulder. You can't protect us that way. Let me be of use. Things are fine here. William eats well and sleeps less well, but I nap when I can. He's growing nicely and can focus his eyes for very long periods already and tracks objects at two feet away. His head control is excellent and he is already making deliberate reaches for objects rather than just grasping reflexively. He makes a gurgling sound if I run my finger up the midline of his foot. In addition to snapshots and videos, I have been keeping a journal of all of his changes for when you get back. My mother helps as much as she can but the truth is I prefer to be alone. She wants to talk, and doesn't understand that I just can't right now. I think she's afraid of the quiet and fills it up with noise. She talks to me but doesn't say anything. You know how to let me be silent, Mulder. I miss that. Frohike says William looks like me and Byers says he looks like you and Langly says he looks like Jack Ruby. Which is pretty much what you'd expect to hear from the three of them. Write when you can. Pictures attached. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 22 Jun 2001 He still looks like Skinner to me, your feeble protestations of fidelity aside. He's got your eyes, Scully, and I wonder whose warped sense of humor he's going to claim. I'm not surprised he's ahead of the developmental curve. You read him Brian Greene while you were pregnant. That sets the bar rather high for a baby. Let your mother in. You're all she has nearby and she won't forgive herself for everything that's happened if you don't. Smile and nod, Scully. You do it better than anyone I know. Learn to let people love you. I haven't found much yet because I don't even know what the hell I'm looking for. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 23 Jun 2001 We can only hope that his sense of humor is all his own. I think our particular brand of amusement wouldn't go over too well with the preschool set. Can you imagine Career Day, Mulder? We're going to have to be vague. Pictures of William attached, including one of him eating my hair. Have to run. Stay safe. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 28 Jun 2001 We'd be a hit at Career Day. You could tell them about your Invisible Guy Autopsy. And you know all the kids would want to hear about my time in low orbit. I'm leaving here soon, so it may be a while before I contact you again. Thank you for the pictures. I cannot believe how William has grown. He looks like his own man now instead of just a newborn. I know I once said I never saw you as a mother before, but I must not have been paying attention. You're beautiful, Scully. I miss you both constantly. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 29 Jun 2001 Mulder, I hope nothing serious has happened to necessitate this move and that you have made some headway. I am still having no luck. I'm going to start teaching at Quantico soon. I feel like I'm abandoning you in some way, Mulder. Abandoning our work. But I can't do field work like I used to - not with William - and Doggett and Reyes are doing a good job. I think you'd be impressed. William has been going to sleep at around 10 at night and sleeping until 6 or so. He is such an easy baby and already a hit with the ladies. I bring him to work sometimes and he's quite popular. Skinner gave him a stuffed McGruff the Crime Dog, but he prefers the doll you gave him and sleeps with it now. He's still rather small for the basketball, but that was never my sport anyway. I played field hockey, so free-throw instruction falls to you. Attached is a video of William laying on Skinner's desk. Stay safe. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 19 Jul 2001 He spit up on Skinner's desk? I could watch that all day. You're damned lucky it wasn't Kersh's or you'd be freezing your ass off in a Minnesota field office right now. And of course he's a hit with the ladies, Scully. Not everyone's as hard of a sell on the Mulder men as you. I made it to Wal-Mart and printed out some of those pictures you sent. Keep them coming. Don't ever feel like you're abandoning the work. The most important thing is that you and William stay safe and chasing mutants and government conspirators isn't really conducive to that. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you're okay. The job at Quantico will be good for you both. I'm doing a little air guitar of "Hot For Teacher" right now… **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 23 Jul 2001 Mulder, I'm sorry it has taken me a bit to get back to you. My mother and I took William to the beach for a couple of days. I dipped his feet in the surf and I was reminded that seawater has a similar chemical makeup to both blood and amniotic fluid. We crawled from those primordial seas so many millions of years ago and carry some of it inside of us to this day. I know you get seasick, but I think we are hardwired to crave the ocean and I want to take William sailing when he's older. I think he has the genes for it. You may not be a sailor, Mulder, but you know the unquenchable lure of the unknown and thrill of riding out a storm. I had a good time with my mom and tried to do as you suggested. She asked after you and I am confident that whatever else she thinks of my life, she accepts that you're an integral part of it. I start teaching next month and I must confess to some anxiety. It has been so long since I stood in front of a lecture hall. I've gotten used to an audience of one for my technical soliloquies. And Van Halen, Mulder? Really? What happened to the King? **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 4 Aug 2001 Was it Chincoteague, Scully? It's right around Pony Penning Day, isn't it? When he's bigger we'll get a place out in the country and let him pick out a pony of his own. And hell, I'll take some Dramamine and we'll all go sailing too. Get out your list-making paper and get to work. I'll be back soon and we'll have the rest of our lives to get it done. P.S. - I always kind of got turned on by your technical soliloquies, so you may want to be careful around some of your more discriminating students. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 5 Aug 2001 Mulder, We went to Assateague, actually, but he did see the ponies and we found horseshoe crabs washed up on the shore. Despite 445 million years of existence, they've scarcely changed at all. It makes you think, I suppose. All the work we humans do to better ourselves and horseshoe crabs have attained perfection. And a pony?! That's a pretty heavy upgrade from your fish. I was thinking we could move more slowly from Cyprinidae to Perissodactyla. Perhaps a stop at Rodentia would be appropriate if you want to venture into mammalian territory. (Are you getting turned on by this?) William holds his head up and looks around without any trouble at all. He wants desperately to sit up and is so frustrated that he can't manage it yet. Any news? **** Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, August 13, 2001 For where the instrument of intelligence is added to brute power and evil will, mankind is powerless in its own defense. Fe3O4 + R2NCl = ? **** Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, August 15, 2001 And some certain significance lurks in all things, else all things are little worth... I'll let you know if I hear anything. **** E-Mail From: knitterific@earthlink.net To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 20 Aug 2001 Let me know if we can move lunch on Wednesday to 12:30. I printed out pictures from our trip and made you some copies. I will bring William's Celeste Sun toy with me at lunch if that's okay with you. Charlie, Larissa and the kids are coming in for Christmas this year. Talk to you soon. Mom **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: knitterific@earthlink.net Date: 21 Aug 2001 Mom, That would be fine. Thank you for printing the pictures for me, and William will be fine without Celeste until Wednesday. **** Letter received on September 8, 2001 William Mulder 107 E. Cordova St. Apt. 35 Washington, DC., 01833 8-14-01 Dear William, I can only hope this finds its way to you but even if it doesn't, it's something I had to get on paper. Walking away from you and your mother is the single most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I did it for reasons that I tell myself are right and noble, so why do I feel like I've let you both down? All I want is for you to be safe and I tell myself that leaving and searching for answers is the best way to do that. But the truth is, William, that your old man isn't making much headway here. Your mother sends me pictures and videos of you and sometimes at night I can close my eyes and recall your new-earthling smell. But it's not the same. I know your mother and I know that every night she shows you my picture and tells you I'll be home soon. I don't want to make a liar of her and I promise you both I'm doing the best I can. Every day I fight the urge to let this all go and come home, but I feel I have more to accomplish before I return. One day I hope you will understand all of this. One day I hope I will. I have no real wisdom to offer you, but let me at least tell you this. I have made many mistakes in my life, but through them all, I have tried to do what I feel is honest. And I have learned - as you doubtlessly will - that the right thing is not often the easy thing. I don't know what this world is going to be like when you are older or what role you will have in it, but to thine own self be true, William. I hope to see you soon. And in case your mother forgets to tell you: Elvis > Three Dog Night Hips before hands The Knicks will always be better than the Miami Heat Love, Your father **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 12 Sep 2001 Scully, let me know you're okay. I know you don't work at the Pentagon, but please check in. On the move again, but will write as soon as possible. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 13 Sep 2001 Mulder, We are fine and no one we know was hurt. While it feels as though the world is falling apart, knowing you're okay gives me something to hang on to. There's a long line of people waiting for this computer so I must run, but I got your letter to William. Be careful. We miss you. **** Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, September 17, 2001 There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke… Quantum suicide? **** Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, September 18, 2001 And downward to the secret things we went Biloxi MI - 6/ 86 Camden NJ - 11/91 **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 20 Sep 2001 Mulder, Thank you for your help on the case. Do you have any updates on your end? Not much to tell here. I'm enjoying teaching very much; the students are so engaged and interested. It's a nice change from the endless parade of world-weary cops and agents. Were we ever that fresh-faced and eager? Thinking of you and aching to see you. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 23 Sep 2001 It is no longer safe for me to contact you. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 24 Sep 2001 Mulder, What's going on? Please find a way to let me know what's happening. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 13 Oct 2001 Mulder, William and I baked a cake and we sang Happy Birthday to your picture. We went shopping for presents and William picked out an oven mitt. I tried to steer him towards the Yankees DVD collection, but he was adamant that you needed protective gear. I have begun to entertain theories of genetic memory. Please let us know you're all right. Many happy returns of the day. **** E-Mail From: rocbronzin@rutgers.edu To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 17 Oct 2001 Hey there partner. Wanted to thank you again for the CPR. They don't really cover that in entomology doctoral programs though, so I'm hard pressed to return the favor. I know you're a mother but I assume you still eat so let me know if you want to grab a bite next time I'm in DC. **** E-Mail From: dana_scully@fbi.gov To: rocbronzin@rutgers.edu Date: 19 Oct 2001 Dr. Bronzino, Thank you very much for the offer, but it would not be appropriate at this time. Dana Scully **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 25 Oct 2001 Mulder, I know you can't tell me where you are and I am trying to respect what you're doing but this feels impossible sometimes. Not everything has to be a crusade, does it? You wanted to find your sister and while it wasn't the resolution you wanted, you found out the truth. Isn't that enough? We can have a life now. We have a son who needs both of his parents. Let this go, Mulder. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 4 Nov 2001 Mulder, I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't even know if you're alive. Attached are pictures of William in his Halloween costume. He went as a skunk and can sit up perfectly. **** Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, November 21, 2001 Lost: Norwegian Elkhound Answers to Heinrich Come home, Heinrich We miss you ****                                        

                                                                                     December 3, 2001

Mulder,

I am so concerned for your safety right now that it is overwhelming. I am trying not to be angry with you - truly I am - but it isn't easy. I know what you've told me, I know we discussed all of this and I know we agreed it was for the best, but the reality is proving far different than the theory. As a scientist, I ought to have expected it and yet I was completely blindsided.

I asked you once years ago if we could just get out of the car and you looked at me like I was crazy and you kept driving. And I stayed. Hundreds of thousands of miles I've traveled with you, Mulder. Endless black ribbons of highways full of nightmares and lost souls and we went after them with badges and guns because we had a job to do.

But I'm asking you now - not as your partner, but as the mother of your child - to get out of the goddamned car. I can't live like this anymore, Mulder, and I will not subject William to it.

I love you but I cannot do this for the rest of my life.

I have nowhere to send this letter.

****

                                                                                                                             December 15, 2001

Mulder,

William said "Da" when he saw your picture today. I have a video.

****

E-Mail From: phishphood66@yahoo.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 20 Dec 2001

Hey Danes -

Our gang's catching an earlier flight from Puerto Vallarta and I wanted to see if you'd be free for dinner. I'm trusting you to pick a not-shitty restaurant because last time I left it up to Bill he said he knew of a "really good Italian place" and took us to the fucking Olive Garden and I swear to God Tara put some of those breadsticks in her purse.

Can't wait to meet my new nephew (you have a kid, Danes!) and see if either of my rugrats is taller than you yet. They're growing like weeds and Larissa's firm is keeping us in Mexico until the resort's finished, so they're all sun-kissed and blonde and I'm mostly a giant freckle.

Mom specifically told me not to ask about William's father, so I'm asking. This Fox guy…what's up with him? Is he good to you? Bill paints him as a kind of Anton LeVay meets Forrest Gump character, but Bill thinks condoms are Satan's party balloons, so what the hell does he know about relationships?

I'm bringing a case of fine champanya to ring in the new year.

Charlie

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: phishphood66@yahoo.com Date: 20 Dec 2001

Charlie,

I can't wait to see you all! It's been far too long since your jet-setting crew has ventured this way. Things with William's father are complicated, but it's due to factors beyond either of our control. I don't mean to be curt, but that's all I can say right now.

Dinner would be great. William still doesn't go to bed until fairly late and can be kept happy with a steady supply of food. He has an excellent pincer grasp.

Did Bill really take you to the Olive Garden? That's classic.

****

                                                                                                                             December 31, 2001

Mulder,

We celebrated Christmas at my mother's and Bill and Charlie and their families flew in. I have lots of pictures to show you of all of the kids together. William is babbling like a champion and I gave him a crayon to draw a picture for you on the back of this card, so turn it over. I remember New Year's Eve two years ago. Zombies, Mulder. And then you kissed me and here I am wishing maybe the world had ended after all because I'm remembering zombies with fondness and what the hell is wrong with my life and my God I miss you.

There was half a bottle of champagne left and now I'm drunk.

Happy New Year

Putting this card with your other unsent mail.

****

                                                                                                                                 January 1, 2002 Dear William,

One day, you'll ask me to speak of a truth - of the miracle of your birth. To explain what is unexplained. And if I falter or fail on this day, know there is an answer, my child, a sacred imperishable truth, but one you may never hope to find alone. Chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite, your protector and endangerer. Chance embarking with this other on the greatest of journeys; a search for truths fugitive and imponderable. If one day this chance may befall you, my son, do not fail or falter to seize it. The truths are out there. And if one day you should behold a miracle, as I have in you, you will learn the truth is not found in science, or on some unseen plane, but by looking into your own heart. And in that moment you will be blessed - and stricken. For the truest truths are what hold us together, or keep us painfully, desperately apart.

Know this, William, for it is the most important thing I can hope to teach you: It is not a weakness to love someone. There may come a time when it will be the only strength you have.

****

E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 07 Jan 2002

Dearest Dana

I've resisted contacting you for reasons I know you continue to appreciate. But, to be honest, some unexpected dimensions of my new life are eating away at any resolve I have left. I'm lonely, Dana, uncertain of my ability to live like this. I want to come home. To you, and to William.

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 07 Jan 2002

I am physically shaking right now seeing your words - wishing it were you speaking them to me. I want so badly to see you too, but you are still not safe here. You don't sound like yourself, Mulder, and it's frightening me.

Where in the world have you been?

****

E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 07 Jan 2002

I've seen things I cannot accept and don't know how to change. I feel like the fight has gone out of me and all I want is to come back and put this time behind us.

I will be home soon.

Details to follow in the usual manner.

****

Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, January 8, 2002

It was evening here But upon earth the very noon of night.

ncrl

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 10 Jan 2002

Mulder,

I hold no hope you can respond to this. Or that it reaches you. I only hope that you are alive.

I cannot help believing that you jumped off that train because you knew what I now know - that these "super-soldiers" - if that's what they are - can in fact be destroyed. That the key to their destruction lies in the iron compound at that quarry.

I am scared for you, Mulder. And for William. The forces against us are unrelenting. But so is my determination to see you again. To regain the comfort and safety we shared for so brief a time. Until then, I remain forever yours,

Dana

****

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, January 14, 2002

The whale, like all things that are mighty, wears a false brow to the common world.

Fe3O4

****

Letter received on January 27, 2002

Dana Scully 107 E. Cordova St. Apt. 35 Washington, DC., 01833

1-16-02

Not much time to write Sorry so short saw your note Agreed on Fe3O3 though not sure how yet Love to you both

****

                                                                                                                            February 2, 2002

Mulder,

I got your last letter and nearly wept with relief to hear from you. I hope this can all end soon. I pray you stay safe until then.

Not sure what the weather is like where you are, but the most beautiful snow has fallen here. William and I have been playing in it at every opportunity and there's a respectable snowman in front of my building now. William likes to eat the snow and blinks when the flakes cling to his eyelashes. He looks more like you every day.

I send regards from Skinner and the Gunmen and my mother lights candles for you.

I wish I had an address to send this to.

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 11 Feb 2002

Mulder,

I am hesitant to contact you in this way because I know it is a risk, but I am beginning to fear the worst for William. I don't know what he is but someone does and they are trying to hurt him. I have been working with Reyes and we suspect it all goes back to that artifact I found in Africa, though I can't say I truly understand it. My mother says our son is a miracle and that I must simply accept him as that. But how can I do that, Mulder? After what happened to Emily, how can I not want to know how he came to be whatever he is?

William has been taken from me twice now and I am starting to despair of ever being able to protect him. All the sacrifices we're making right now - what if it comes to nothing? I don't know what to do.

****

E-Mail From: MAILER-DAEMON@n55.bullet.mail.sp1.hotmail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 11 Feb 2002

Sorry, we were unable to deliver your message to the following address.

< trust_no1@mail.com >

****

Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, February 23, 2002

O lady, you in whom my hope gains strength, you who, for my salvation, have allowed your footsteps to be left in Hell, in all the things that I have seen, I recognize the grace and benefit that I, depending upon your power and goodness, have received. You drew me out from slavery to freedom by all those paths, by all those means that were within your power. Do, in me, preserve your generosity, so that my soul, which you have healed, when it is set loose from my body, be a soul that you will welcome.

****

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, February 24, 2002

Let faith oust fact; let fancy oust memory; I look deep down and do believe.

****

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, March 20, 2002

All men live enveloped in whale-lines. All are born with halters round their necks; but it is only when caught in the swift, sudden turn of death, that mortals realize the silent, subtle, ever-present perils of life.

Gunmen dead.

****

E-Mail From: dana_scully@fbi.gov To: john_doggett@fbi.gov Date: 26 Mar 2002

John,

My thoughts are with you and Barbara at this time. Take care.

Dana Scully

****

E-Mail From: john_doggett@fbi.gov To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 26 Mar 2002

Thanks Dana. It's been hard but the closure has come as a relief after all this time. I hope you are coming to terms with your own loss as well. They were the good guys.

John Doggett

****

                                                                                                                          April 20, 2002

Mulder,

I have come to an act of desperation. I have had no way of contacting you - no way to talk this over with you - and so I had to make this choice alone. I have had assurances that our information is to be expunged from every record and I tell myself moment by moment that this is his only chance at a normal life, but what if I have made a mistake that can never be undone?

I vacillate between thinking I have sacrificed my own happiness for his and thinking I have sacrificed him because I am not strong enough to accept what he is. What if that's the case? What if I was just too afraid to see him suffer? Watching Emily die slowly through the glass left me so cold I thought I'd freeze everything I touched, but I didn't know how to grieve for her. They had no right to take those ova from me, no right to create her, and no right to destroy her. She was supposed to be mine and whatever other children were created should have been mine also. But by the time I came to terms with the fact that I was truly her mother, she was already gone. What if the same fate was in store for William? I don't know that I could have stood it.

All I wanted was a child - your child, as the years went on - and I just cannot understand why anyone would create these lives for the express purpose of later destroying them. I don't think we can ever fully know what William means to the Project, but they wanted him dead, Mulder. They wanted to take our son and kill him and would have in time and came close even as I watched over him, and all this before he turned a year old. Jeffrey Spender came to me - terrible things have been done to him - and said that no matter what he did to undo the changes to his little body, William would never have any peace from the men who have been working towards the ends you and I have been fighting.

I believed him, Mulder. I looked into his ruined face and I believe he was telling me the truth and I believe it still. I did the only thing I could think of to protect our son and I can only hope now that you can forgive me.

I don't know what else to do but keep going. It's all I've ever known how to do.

****

E-Mail From: wjscully8@navy.mil To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 22 Apr 2002

Dana, what in the hell have you done? Pick up your goddamned phone.

I just got off the phone with mom a little while ago and she's half-hysterical and I'm not far from it myself. What were you thinking? You put your son up for adoption, Dana? That really struck you as the best possible solution? That's what you have a family for. To help you. And no matter how bad things were you should have come to us. I don't know what has happened to you over the years and I don't think I even know who you are anymore, because my sister would never have done something so insane.

We could have taken him in for you if you couldn't deal with being a single mother. God knows where Fox is and why you put up with the crap he dishes out is beyond me, but he has molded you into a woman I don't recognize and I think there is something severely wrong with both of you.

I have faith that you are not beyond salvation, Dana, but you need to cut your ties with him. Come out to San Diego and stay with us. I have already contacted an attorney about having the adoption reversed and because of the extreme emotional duress you've been under he thinks there's a very good shot that Tara and I can get temporary custody while you get your life back together.

It's not too late for you. We love you and want to help, but you have to let us. I am praying for you.

Your brother,

Bill

****

E-Mail From: phishphood66@yahoo.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 22 Apr 2002

Hey Squirt. Just got an earful from Bill. Mom's too freaked out to be coherent.

I don't know what the fuck is up with you the past few years Danes, but the shit seems to have royally hit the fan of your life. Despite what Bill thinks, you were always the smartest one of us and if this is what you thought was right, well, I guess I have to trust that. I'm just so sorry that you're dealing with this.

We're moving to Marrakech in June for a restaurant Larissa's designing and we have this awesome house with plenty of room for decompressing Feds. Take some leave and come stay for a while.

Worried about you, big sister.

Charlie

****

E-Mail From: knitterrific@earthlink.net To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 24 Apr 2002

Dana, I am so worried about you and I think you might need some professional help. Please return my calls. We need to talk.

I love you.

Mom

****

E-Mail From: monica_reyes@fbi.gov To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

Dana

Please call if you ever need to talk. I am here for you.

Monica

****

E-Mail From: d_scully@fbi.gov To: m_reyes9@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

Monica,

Thank you for your concern. I'm going to be fine. I will be back to work on Monday.

****

E-Mail From: j_doggett3@fbi.gov To: d_scully@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

I hope this finds you well. Just wanted to see how you were doing.

John Doggett  

****

E-Mail From: d_scully@fbi.gov To: j_doggett3@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

John,

Thank you for your concern. I'm going to be fine. I will be back to work on Monday.

****

E-Mail From: reits@clinicalassociates.com To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 9 May 2002

Dr. Scully,

My name is John Reits and I am a parapsychologist. I'd like to meet with you concerning a former patient of mine. Please contact me at this address or give me a call at 714-555-0146.

****

E-Mail From: walter_skinner@fbi.gov To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 19 May 2002

Scully -

Do you ever answer your phone anymore? I need to see you in my office at once. Drop what you are doing and get over here now.

It's about Mulder.

****

The End

****

Notes:

Addendum:

R2NCl + H2O = Bellefleur + Braddock Heights? So claims a woman with node at C5

The Warrior Princess Super-Soldier chick had a node on the back of her neck (around the C5 vertebra) and had informed Scully that chloramine was being introduced into the water supply to transform the populace into super-soldiers. Scully was reminded of the water tampering in Braddock Heights (Wetwired).

****

Fe3O4 + R2NCl = ?

Mulder has discovered evidence of a connection between chloramine and magnetite, but isn't sure what it is.

****

Quantum suicide?

Scully's hoping to get some help on the case from 4D. Quantum suicide - as it pertains to the many-worlds interpretation and the case - encompasses the idea that all moments (however unlikely) with possibilities of occurrence greater than zero are experienced in some dimension.

Mulder's reply is just directing her to some related case files. Which I made up.

****

It was evening here But upon earth the very noon of night.

ncrl

Mulder's train will arrive at the New Carrollton train station at midnight

[angelic-jeonghan1004]

Mr Flirt || Jangjun

Request: Hi, can I get an idol jangjun + flowershop owner reader? Thank youuu ❤️

Of course💞 Jangjun is such a dork I love him so much, he's also my dad's favorite haha :)) I'm glad to get a Golcha request since I've fallen deep for them especially with this new comeback and omg Jangjun with his new hair color?? The silver fits him so good🤧 I didn't fully know where I was going at times with this so sorry if it feels a little rushed at times, now enough of me I'll let you get to the fic now💞

Synopsis: Jangjun walks into a flower shop to get flowers for a event one day, but because of a certain worker he finds himself there more than expected.

Pairing: Idol! Jangjun x Flower shop owner! Reader

Warnings: none! Cute fluff :))

Gif credits to owner~

You sat behind the counter of your shop waiting for a customer to drop by, you had already watered all the flowers and made the different bouquets people usually ordered so now it was the waiting game for when you'd hear the bell ring. Today it was only you since you let your fellow workers have the day off since she felt sick and you needed to interview the new boy who was interested in working at your shop but you're okay with it just being you today since it was a slow day. The bell rang and you looked up to see a very gorgeous man, his hair was silver and messy; he was in a big hoodie and jeans. You caught yourself staring and quickly looked down, thankfully he hadn't noticed; he walked up to the front desk where you stood and gave you a smile causing your heart to skip a beat but you had to stay collected.

"Hello, how may I help you? Anything in your mind specifically?" You said greeting him with a smile in return, his smile faulted for a second from how cute and soft spoken you where but came back quickly.

"Yeah! I would like a bouquet of Dahlias, if that's okay with you cutie." He said with a wink causing you to giggle redness hitting your ears by the nickname.

"Okay Mr Flirt I'll be right back with those Dahlias for you." You said sending a wink back, your flirting game wasn't the strongest but if he was showing interest you where gonna take it since he certainly seemed like a keeper. You walked to the back and quickly got together the bouqu he wanted, walking back you saw he was on his phone and not paying attention so you tapped him on the shoulder causing him to jolt up in surprise.

"Gosh you scared me there Ya!" He said putting his hand on his chest exaggerating each word and movement dramatically. You laughed at his actions causing a smile to appear on both of your faces.

"I'm sorry to scare you, here's your Dahlias atleast. What brings you here for this bouquet Mr Flirt?" You said handing them over and typing out the total into the cash register.

"Oh just a event coming up, I wanted to get flowers for the winning group. My name's Jangjun by the way, what's yours Cutie?" He said handing you his card which you then scanned getting the receipt and grabbing a pen to draw a smiley face on it to then hand to him, it was just a thing you did for customer receipts it made it so if a order was returned but there was a struggle your employees could look at it and see the smiley face to then get your attention to help.

"Aw that's sweet, my name is y/n nice to meet you." You said handing him his card and receipt, he put the bouquet in one hand and got his card back in his wallet same with the receipt to then be put in his pocket so he could reach his hand out to you which you took.

"It's nice to meet you too." He said shaking your hand a smile re-appearing on his face. You took back your hand and smiled at him starting to give a wave of goodbye even if you didn't want to.

"Well that'll be it for you, if you ever comeback here I'll give you a discount since you're cute and made my day since it's been quite slow." You said continuing to wave at him making his smile grow larger.

"Thanks, I'm glad I could brighten your day." He said leaving you with a wink then exiting the store. The day went by customers came and went but you couldn't stop thinking about him, he truly was handsome and seemed to have a sweet personality. The day came to a end and you closed shop, a few days had passed and you had a part in the back of your mind hopeful for him to comeback soon. You came to work early this morning with your co-worker teaching the new employee how to use the cash register while you made bouquets to be put out at the front not hearing the door bell jingle.

"Hello is y/n here?" A familiar voice said to your employee, she smiled and looked up at him.

"Yeah she's in the back! Want me to go get her for you?" She said with a big smile making sure he felt welcomed.

"It'd be appreciated." He said running his hand through his hair. You co-worker came to the back and called for you to come to the front since a boy was waiting for you bringing you by surprise but still went out there. Your eyes landed on Jangjun's and you smiled tucking a strand of hair behind your ear you walked up to the front desk and greeted him.

"Oh Jangjun! I didn't suspect to see you again so soon, what flowers are you interested in? Dahlias again? Or are you here to change it up." You said with a small laugh at the end.

"You caught me red handed, another bouquet of Dahlias again thank you." He said lifting his hands up in the air like he had been caught for a crime then putting them back down after you both started to laugh by his actions. You went to the back and brought out a bouquet you had prepared.

"There you have it, is this for a event again?" You said putting the flowers on the counter looking up at him in curiosity.

"No I just thought I'd get a excuse to see you." He said smiling handing you his card with a little wink.

"Well then Mr Flirt, As I promised here is your discount I promised." You took his card and swiped it through the register, taking his receipt and drawing a smiley face on it you handed both things to him. He then looked at you and had a idea.

"Do you have a piece of paper I could use?" He asked smiling at you blinking a lot giving you a little confusion but you think he was just trying to be cute so you smiled.

"Yeah here." You grabbed a small piece of paper and pen handing it to him.

"Will this work?" You said.

"Yeah absolutely." He said with a smile sliding it back to you, he quickly turned around and right before getting to the door said.

"Bye y/n I'll hopefully be back soon." He said opening the door turning back at you giving you a wide smile. You picked up the piece of paper and looked at it seeing it wrote

Hey it's Jangjun, this is my number if you're interested :) XXX-XXX-XXXX P.S you're super cute ;)

Your day became better and once you got home you quickly put Jangjun into your contacts and texted him.

Y/N: Hey it's y/n :))) Is this Jangjun ??

Jangjun: Yes it is :) now that I've gotten your number, if it's not too soon may I ask if we could arrange a date in the near future?

Y/N: wow so bold, but I'd love that💞 btw I've never gotten around to asking but what's your occupation?

Jangjun: I'll tell you at the date since it's a bit to unpack.

Y/N: Well I'm curious so we better have it soon haha :)

[satans-helper]

Thinking About You

Pairing: Joe Elliott x Rick Savage [don’t like slash? That’s okay! Don’t read it] 

Word Count: ~3700 

Warnings: masturbation; lots of groping and grinding; non-penetrative sex; cumshots. 18+, read at your own discretion.

This fic really got away from me. Much like our Joe here, it started as one little fantasy and snowballed into something bigger--I actually ended up using a few different dialogue prompts that I found online within this fic, which was an interesting way to keep it moving and build on the original idea.

As the picture may indicate, I was picturing 1986-ish Joe & Sav, but I think you can let your imagination do whatever it wants, honestly. I had a lot of fun writing this one & I hope you enjoy reading it. ~~

P.S. I also post all my slash fics to RockFic & AO3, if you’d rather read & comment there. 

---

Sav was lying on his back, his lower half under the covers, with his hands behind his head. His eyes were closed and his mouth was closed too, the still slightly tense full lips indicating that he hadn’t left for dreamland just yet; his head slowly lolled to the right but, as Joe climbed into his own bed and made the overused frame squeak squeak, Sav suddenly jolted upright and blinked at the desk lamp that was still glowing yellow.

“You’re so cute, half-asleep like that,” Joe commented with a smirk, rolling onto his side. “I’m not even sure I want to turn the light off.”

“Hmm. I’m sure,” Sav replied, punctuating his statement with a quiet groan. He also rolled onto his side, facing Joe, his eyelids fluttering but he inhaled a sharp breath, then looked at him dead-on.

Joe’s smirk grew. “What?”

“You’re staring again.”

“Staring again? At you?” Joe scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You wish, Savage.”

“You’ve been staring at me all day,” Sav continued, gradual sleepiness lacing through his words. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothin’.” That was a lie--something had gotten into Joe, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. He was still Joe and Sav was still Sav--nothing had changed except for the tingling in his groin and the fluttering of his heart when he thought about Sav, looked at Sav, talked to Sav. It was new territory for his brain and he couldn’t get Sav off his mind--he had thought about Sav in the shower just a few minutes ago, what those hands might feel like all over his body, what it would be like to kiss him.

He was getting himself riled up again just thinking about it.

When Joe dared to look over again, Sav was smiling sneakily and batting his eyelashes. “That’s why I’m staring,” Joe accused, pulling the covers up over his shoulder, hunkering down against the pillows. “Stop being so cute.”

Sav snickered and rolled over to face the wall, giving Joe nothing but a view of a lump and a mess of curls. “Goodnight, Joe. Will you get the light?”

Considering he couldn’t actually see Sav anymore, Joe turned it off diligently and rolled onto his back. He wasn’t tired, not even after the hot shower--he was aroused. Mentally, emotionally and physically, and all because of his friend sleeping in the other bed, and even thinking about Sav’s lips on his neck and chest, trailing down his abdomen to wrap around his cock, had him getting hard in his shorts.

Fuck, he wanted to do something about it. Wasn’t that wrong, to jerk off with someone else in the room? Maybe even more wrong with them being unconscious? But he didn’t want to go to the bathroom to do it--he wanted to stay in the warm sheets and listen to Sav’s slow, gentle breathing, shoot all over himself, roll over and pass out. If Sav stayed asleep, no one would be any he wiser about the whole thing.

So he closed his eyes and went back to imagining him and Sav in the shower together. He imagined Sav’s palms smoothing down his chest, fingertips grazing his nipples, and Joe imagined himself doing the same to him, touching and exploring the planes, hills and valleys he’d recently become so infatuated with. He’d seen what seemed like every inch of Sav already, and even touched a lot of those places too, though not directly--Joe wanted more than a shirtless, post-concert hug. He wanted to feel Sav.

Joe slid his hand down his own torso a bit impatiently, not slowing down enough to really feel himself and get himself ready. Well, he was already ready--he was more than halfway hard when he reached beneath his shorts and grabbed himself, already working his hand around his shaft, lightly dragging the pad of his thumb over his slit. He swallowed and tilted his head back into the pillows, let himself become even more ensconced in the cotton, and imagined Sav crawling over him, straddling him, and kissing his exposed throat; his other hand went between his legs to caress his balls through his shorts, rubbing the fabric against the thin skin. He imagined Sav’s hands taking hold of the waistband and pulling his shorts down, and Joe spreading his legs wider to let him move between them.

He moaned quietly, the biting of his own lip apparently not enough to keep himself quiet as the fantasy played itself further and further out. He opened his eyes and glanced over to see if he’d woken Sav--he couldn’t see much in the dark but he didn’t see movement and Joe didn’t think his breathing had changed, so he continued stroking himself and fondling his balls as he closed his eyes again and inhaled deeply.

He was just starting to picture Sav’s tongue sliding up his shaft when the actual Sav shifted in the other bed. Joe paused his movements from beneath the covers and glanced over again; he could make out Sav’s shape tossing the blankets back and getting out of bed, nearly bumping into the night table between the beds as he moved. Completely motionless, heart pounding with nerves and suddenly wide awake and slowly losing his hard-on, Joe was paralyzed. He watched Sav go into the bathroom; the door shut before the light went on, then a slant of light peered out from under the door for what felt like one of the longest minutes of Joe’s life, and then Sav was out again.

He caught Joe’s petrified face in the light pooling out of the bathroom while the door was still open. Sav raised an eyebrow: “What?”

Joe’s hand was still around his cock, still somehow half-hard even with all of that. He didn’t dare move it then--he didn’t want Sav to know that he’d been doing that. “What?”

Sav’s hand was lingering on the light switch in the bathroom, still not turning it off. “Why do you look terrified?” Joe didn’t even get a chance to respond before Sav went on with a question that made him want to sink completely into the bed and disappear: “Were you--wanking?”

Joe sputtered, finally tearing his hand away from his junk. “No!”

“I think you were,” Sav accused, placing his hand on his hip. “And while I was sleeping, no less.”

“It’s been two days,” Joe replied, not a lie. “How was I supposed to know you’d get up?”

“Maybe don’t wank when I’m still in the room,” Sav said, but he was smirking, looking Joe up and down, and then he giggled.

“Don’t do that,” Joe warned, his dick twitching in his shorts. “You know that drives me crazy.”

Sav tilted his head. “What drives you crazy?”

Joe reached one hand out from beneath the blankets and gestured at him. “That laugh.”

Head still tilted, now-wide awake eyes looking over Joe carefully, Sav asked, “So what were you thinking about?” When Joe hesitated, lips parted as if he were going to say something of protest but he never managed to get any words at all out, Sav asked, “Were you thinking about me?”

Joe shoved himself up against the headboard. Sav was--okay with this? Clearly he knew that Joe had been thinking about him--in hindsight, it had to have been so obvious. No, remarks about how cute Sav was weren’t completely out of character, but Sav himself had picked up on a change in Joe, that change being Joe wanting him. His heart was still pounding, the fear of rejection palpable but, even worse, the fear of tainting their friendship--and the band--forever. If only Joe could have just had some self-control.

Joe didn’t know what to say. He finally grumbled, mildly accusatory, “Now you’re staring at me.”

“I’m trying to figure you out.” Sav stepped closer, arms crossed, the light behind him illuminating his messy curls. “You--you want me?”

Joe was trying to figure Sav out--was telling him worth the risk? Sav didn’t seem too put off by even just guessing--correctly--that Joe did indeed want him. “Well--,” Joe started, wishing he never had to feel this self-conscious ever again. He straightened up against the headboard and pushed past his rapid heartbeat: “Yes.”

Sav didn’t look away. “When did this happen?”

“I--don’t know.”

Sav moved even closer and then, to Joe’s surprise, he sat down on the edge of the bed right next to Joe’s shins. “What would you want to happen?”

Joe couldn’t help but hesitate again before asking, “Are you offering?”

“Maybe. I’ve thought about things too.” Sav smirked a little. “Just never did anything about it with you in the room.”

Joe couldn’t laugh, not even smile, at that. He was too overwhelmed by the fact that his desire was somehow returned by Sav and, even if they didn’t ever do anything, knowing that was enough. Still, he wanted to see what they could do--what Sav might want to do--and there was one thing he figured he’d never be able to get off his mind unless he tried.

Joe inched closer, not attempting to touch Sav, but leaning in. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

Sav’s smirk disappeared and his face was placid; he leaned forward so his nose was only a couple inches away from Joe’s, and no further. Joe met him those last couple of inches, tilting his head just enough to press his lips to Sav’s so softly he wasn’t even sure if Sav felt it. He felt his hand on his thigh giving gentle pressure as Sav parted his lips slightly against Joe’s and turned his body, shoving his bent knee against Joe’s thigh so he could face him; before Joe could grab his hips and have him straddle his waist, Sav stood up, breaking the kiss that Joe felt had just begun.

He expected the worst, but Sav pulled back the covers and gestured: “Move over, Joe.”

Heart pounding and dick twitching again, Joe moved over and watched as Sav’s long body nestled under the upheld blankets, only in thin pajama pants. He wanted to touch him but he still resisted the urge, patiently waiting to see what Sav would do, which was settle down right next to Joe, blink at him once, and then slide in front of him with his hand on Joe’s chest, bringing his face closer and closer again. Reassured, Joe tentatively reached out and grabbed the back of Sav’s head, threading his fingers as best he could through his hair; Sav’s tongue just barely met his and Sav moaned quietly, sending another hot rush of blood to Joe’s groin. He’d almost forgotten about how this had all begun and now he actually had Sav in bed with him, both of them already nearly naked.

Sav was a really good kisser--he knew just when to pull back and when to go in for more and his lips were so soft, just as lush as Joe had imagined they would be. Their kisses were becoming deeper, hotter and wetter, and Joe’s fingers threaded through more of Sav’s hair while his other hand gripped his upper arm; Sav lifted his right leg and shoved it between his thighs, getting enough leverage to drape himself over Joe’s upper half.

He grunted softly as Sav’s knee brushed against his crotch. “Sav,” he uttered, still holding him by the hair as he pulled away from those delectable kisses. “Are you sure?”

“Sure about what?” Sav’s eyes moved down for a second, then he licked his lips. “We’re just kissing.”

“We’re in bed together. And shirtless.” Joe skirted his hand down to Sav’s bare waist to prove it, running his palm along silky skin and to the sparse trail of hair beneath his navel. His hand wanted to move even lower than that--and he felt the heat radiating from Sav’s groin and the brush of an erection against his wrist--but he was going to wait for a green light.

Sav sat up on Joe’s thigh, making the covers into a peak behind himself. “Tell me what you were thinking about.”

“I was thinking about you doing this,” Joe said, sweeping over them with a wave of his hand. “You, getting into bed with me--kissing, and--” He faltered for just a moment--why hesitate now? He was having a fantasy come to life. But he was growing a bit weary of Sav having the upper hand here--yes, in Joe’s fantasy, Sav was the one crawling all over him but, in real life, Joe needed to get on top, literally. He urged Sav back with his thigh, easing him down onto his back as he shoved the covers back from the two of them--was it the air conditioning or Joe himself making Sav’s nipples hard? Either way, Joe couldn’t help himself from reaching down and brushing his thumb over one as he sufficiently straddled Sav’s hips.

Sav gasped quietly; Joe tried not to look at his face for too much longer, the unfamiliar self-consciousness still lingering even with the two of them giving into one another. Sav was a man--the sharp hips, smatterings of body hair, flat chest and hard abs were further proof--and the only man Joe had ever truly thought about in an intimate way. The differences were becoming less and less apparent--at the end of the day, it was simply that Sav was beautiful and also his very best friend.

He hunched over and pressed his lips to Sav’s skin just beneath his ear, getting a noseful of lingering, almost floral shampoo; with Sav sighing and gripping his shoulders, Joe’s erection got even harder and he started to move back and forth slowly over his hips, bringing them crotch-to-crotch and grinding. He kissed down the side of Sav’s neck, breathing in scents he’d experienced before but never so up close, letting his tongue lightly gloss over the tender skin to taste what he’d only dreamed of; Sav’s right hand slid down Joe’s shoulder to his back, fingertips grazing the length of his spine, then he gripped a handful of his ass and squeezed.

Joe pulled back, first looking down at the shiny trail of saliva on Sav’s neck and then into his eyes. “Is this your first time?”

Sav nodded and reached around for the other cheek. “Yours?” He squeezed again, then slid his hands underneath Joe’s shorts. “You seem--experienced.”

Joe scoffed--what an assumption! As if he’d ever rolled around in bed with another man. “Do I? Maybe because,” he began, arching his back, lowering himself to bring them almost nose-to-nose. “I’ve thought about it a lot recently.” Sav must have thought about it too, but Joe was still curious as to the specifics--what did he look like in Sav’s fantasies? Was he living up to expectation? Would they actually both end up regretting this?

No, Joe told himself, no way they’d regret this. He knew it absolutely for himself, and from the way Sav was looking at him--equal parts lust and love--he wouldn’t regret it either.

Sav started to pull Joe’s shorts down. “Would you have ever told me?”

Joe snorted, the question distracting from Sav’s hand wrapping around his shaft. “No way, Sav. Never.” He glanced down to watch his dick being slowly pumped and groaned softly. “So I guess it’s, ah, a good thing I decided to wank with you in the room. Otherwise--” his hips twitched and he groaned again with Sav stroking him harder and looking up at him, blue eyes relaxed and lips slightly swollen. “Otherwise this never would have happened. Right?”

“Maybe,” Sav replied, tugging on Joe’s shorts again. Message received, Joe forced himself to break away from his touch momentarily to pull the shorts down and off--he felt good, he felt desired, he felt like a man, and the self-consciousness was nearly completely gone. Bending over the bed, he swiveled Sav slightly to the side and pulled his pajama pants down and tossed them aside, leaving him totally bare and spread out, ready for Joe to crawl over again.

He climbed over Sav, bracing his hands on the mattress beneath them, and lowered his hips until they were pressed together from the waist down; Joe watched Sav’s eyes widen and his lips part, then felt the bassist’s hands roaming down his body. He knew what to do in theory--he knew they could go even further--but it seemed like something they’d need to talk about first, and Joe didn’t want to talk. He didn’t think Sav wanted to talk either, not with how he was pawing at Joe and grabbing his hip to pull him down even harder.

So Joe leaned into his instincts and started to move; Sav spread his legs more and their balls were nearly squashed together and the sensation of that skin-on-skin sent a sharp tingle up Joe’s spine into his scalp. It wasn’t even like they needed hands, they just kept moving with Joe grinding down and Sav writhing, pointing his hips up so their cocks were parallel. Lube would be nice, Joe realized, but he was not about to interrupt this so he unceremoniously ducked and let a strand of saliva fall from his tongue to their met groins; Sav whined and yanked him down, teeth meeting his bottom lip before Sav’s lips did.

Joe certainly felt like a man then, and like a man on top of another man, because their grinding, humping, biting and groaning was nothing short of all male. And he liked it. He loved it. He already knew he wanted to do it again with Sav, maybe actually take it further next time. It would be a conversation for another day because, just then, he was sliding his tongue into Sav’s mouth and swallowing his moans. He moved one hand to the crown of Sav’s head and threaded his fingers through those messy curls, subsequently keeping Sav in place, though it seemed as though he had no desire to break away from their swapping of spit.

The warmth from a dribble of Sav’s precum sent Joe moaning; he bucked his hips hard, knocking the bedframe into the wall, and drove his teeth into Sav’s bottom lip. Sav turned his head, eyes blazing as he looked at Joe, and tried to wedge a hand between them.

Joe grabbed his wrist. “No--like this,” he said, resuming his grind, the heat and density of Sav’s cock against his own sending a fever straight to his head.

His left hand not incapacitated, Sav used it to tug on Joe’s hair and bring him down for a messy, rough kiss; Joe’s fingers in Sav’s hair loosened, and he relaxed his hold on his wrist so Sav immediately brought that hand to Joe’s side. He rubbed his fingertips over Joe’s ribs, brushed his thumb over his nipple, the long fingers treading dangerously close to Joe’s armpit. Sav was exploring his body; Joe was still exploring his mouth, their tongues tangled as wet smacking noises and half-way muffled moans filled the room.

He felt a bit of conscious surprise as he came first, pausing his kisses as his body stiffened and he felt himself shoot over both of their groins and Sav’s abdomen; he huffed and groaned, shuddering as he loosed Sav’s name from his lips and somewhat carefully collapsed on top of him. The orgasm was still ripping through his body as he laid over Sav, all that bare skin so warm and familiar, and Joe shivered and tried to catch his breath next to his ear.

Joe felt Sav’s teeth scrape his shoulder, then Sav was grabbing his ass again and grinding up into him. Suddenly embarrassed by his failure to get him off before Joe did, he propped himself back up, leaned back on his heels and grabbed Sav’s rock-hard dick; Sav threw his head to the side, eyes shut tight, and arched into Joe’s touch. It was a little strange to be stroking a cock that wasn’t his own, but the way Sav moved below him, the soft sounds of his increasingly high-pitched, breathy moans, and the feel of Joe’s own release all over Sav’s belly as he pet him superseded the weirdness. He wanted to make Sav come and come hard, so he did what he would do for himself.

Except maybe better, because it didn’t take long for Sav to cry out and arch his back so much Joe heard it crack, then multiple strings of pearly white shot from within Joe’s fist and onto Sav’s stomach, adding to his own, and dribbled over his knuckles as his last few slow pumps drained him.

Still watching Sav’s chest rising and falling heavily, Joe wiped his hand on the sheets and laid down next to him. There was always a pull with Sav and post-orgasm, Joe learned, was no exception. The pull to his friend was even more intense and Joe didn’t hesitate to turn on his side and nuzzle into Sav’s neck, curls brushing over his forehead.

“I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned, Sav,” he said, voice low and soft. His eyes were closed--Joe was content to just be there with Sav, limbs not tangled together but their bodies still connected, the shockingly smooth skin of Sav’s upper arm against his chest.

“Mm,” Sav hummed, blinking slowly, the desire to sleep evident in his face. Joe wondered if this was always the way with Sav, or if maybe he really had worn him out that much--that possibility made him smile to himself. Sav reached down and grabbed the crumpled covers, pulling them over both he and Joe as he turned onto his side, effectively making Joe spoon him.

Joe wrapped one arm over Sav and held him, closing his eyes again. A minute later, Sav said in an almost haughty, teasing grumble, “You’ll have to wash this off me in the morning, you know.”

Smirking, Joe hooked one leg over Sav and held him even tighter. “Whatever you want, Sav.”

---

Tagging: my cheerleader @mountainofthesunn​ ;) 

[927roses-and-stuff]

Miracles in Gotham: Chapter Two: A Lonely Cat Sits on a Roof...

Hey, guys! This fic is inspired by @ozmav’s Maribat AU. Shoutout to @mystery-5-5 for brainstorming ideas with me for this fic. Hopefully, you guys enjoy it!

I’m sorry for going AWOL for such a long time. I’m going to be honest, life’s not exactly going swimmingly right now, but I swear, I’ll try to post more regularly after I get through these sets of exams. Thank you for your patience and support!

If you want to see more, follow: #miraclesingotham or ask to be added to the tag list.

P.S. I just watched a bit of Young Justice and read a bit of the New 52 so I may have mixed up some stuff. Just to clarify, Damian Wayne is Robin.  Also, I updated this chapter because my dumbass decided to add a bunch of headcanons in future chapters that did not exist while I was writing this. 

P.P.S. There may or may not be Season 3 spoilers for this now that the season has finished…, maybe Felix will pop up at some point?? Hm.... (As much as I love Lukanette, it’s not really a thing here because this is a Daminette fic...haha unless…?)

Tag List: @northernbluetongue @spicybelladonna @zerotosiki @my-name-is-michell @legendaryneckjudgestudent @lokiifriggasonn

First Previous Next Fanfic

Chapter Two: A Lonely Cat Sits on a Roof...

Dear diary, 

How could this happen? How could I have missed something so obvious, so noticeable, so, so,  so… Ugh! I can’t think right now. As the Guardian it should’ve been my responsibility to ensure that we had everything that Master Fu left in his possession, especially since it was about the Miraculous!

How could I even explain this to Chat Noir? Should I even tell him? What if he doubts my ability to be the Guardian? He did seem upset when I lost the Bee Miraculous that time.... . But, then again, he seemed supportive when I told him about leading Hawkmoth to Master Fu and that was so much worse.

Hopefully, I can make my mind up soon because it’s time to meet up with him!

Hopefully luck is on my side today.

Bisoux,

Marinette

By the time Ladybug landed precariously upon the Eiffel Tower, Chat was already there ready to greet her. Upon seeing him, Ladybug’s heart sped up and instinctively, she stepped back, away from him. Unfortunately, the Eiffel Tower was not meant to have a vast amount of foot space, and Ladybug toppled backwards, a screech dying upon her lips. 

“Ladybug!”  Chat rushed over and grabbed her hand with both hands. With a grunt, he pulled her over the edge, and shuffled the both of them backwards, just for good measure. When they were safely away from the edge, Chat loosened his hold on Ladybug; his heartbeat so fast even she could feel it whilst she was pressed against him. 

Or maybe that was just her. She couldn’t be too sure. 

“Are you alright?” Chat asked, withdrawing his arms away from her, Ladybug couldn’t be sure if it was from what she wanted to discuss tonight or the near-death experience, but it took awhile for Ladybug to get herself together. However, once her heartbeat was beating normally and her breathing steadied, she pulled herself away from Chat and sat across from him, her hands firmly against her lap. 

“Yeah, thanks to you,” she said, forcing herself to grin widely. Chat returned it with one of his own shaky smiles. 

“That’s, that’s good,” he said and exhaled deeply. “I think you might have scared all nine lives out of me, my lady.”

“Pity it didn’t scare you out of your puns instead,” she quipped back. She exhaled, but kept her posture tense. Chat caught her movements, and mimicked her; he crossed his legs and leaned towards her. 

“What’s wrong, Ladybug?” 

She stared at his wide green eyes, and wondered if he would show the same amount of care and concern in the next few seconds. 

“What isn’t wrong would be an easier question to answer,” she replied, already feeling her heartbeat increase again, and her fists clenching involuntary. Chat didn’t say anything, so she continued. “Well, first things first, thank you for your advice with the akuma, and well, saving me right now. I don’t think I could’ve figured out the red string if you hadn’t said anything.”

Chat blinked, straightened, then grinned. His cheeks lightly bloomed. “Shucks, LB. No problem, we’re partners after all!”

Ladybug paused, and averted her eyes before speaking. “Right, and as partners, you wouldn’t judge me, right?” 

Chat frowned and cocked his head. “Of course not.” He paused, scanning her before speaking up again. “Well, maybe I might judge you if you don’t upgrade your costume soon. As lovely as you are, I don’t think the suit flatters your loveliness enough.” 

Ladybug rolled her eyes, but was secretly glad for his quips. “Seriously, Chat. I’m being serious.”

“I’m being serious too. While the spots are iconic, we’re both fashionable enough to know you’re in need for a major upgrade-” 

“Hawkmoth has the tablet we need to translate the Miraculous Journal.”

“-and a belt would help- wait what?”

Ladybug flinched. “Look, you remember Master Fu right? And the whole thing where he made me the Guardian?”  He nodded. “Well, according to Wayzz, there was supposed to be a tablet that had translations for the Miraculous Journal, but it wasn’t where he left the Miracle Box or the other stuff he left with me, so that means Hawkmoth must have gotten it somehow, which means we’re basically screwed! And we can’t use any of the Miraculous we do have because the stupid box is some kind of egg, and Hawkmoth knows all of the identities of the old heroes, and, and, and-” 

By the end of her spiel, Marinette was pacing back and forth in front of Chat, who watched her in stunned silence. She had pulled out her pigtails in anger, and her hair was askew from her fingers grabbing and pulling at it. She was breathing heavily, still unsure if she should go on, because everything  was  a mess, but she was supposed to be the Guardian. She watched Chat as he bit his finger, his eyes observing the ground beneath him. His tail swayed behind him, as if it was contemplating the situation as well.

Ladybug sat down in front of him, curling her knees under her chin. When Chat finally spoke, his voice was throaty, almost brittle. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

She frowned. “Chat, I just found out about the tablet-”

“But, what about the box? Or that we might need new heroes? Or that you were stressing about all of this?” 

Ladybug sighed. “What could have I told you? I don’t even know what I’m doing, but now I’m responsible for all the Miraculous? Look, I don’t even know if you can help, but I think you should know anyway.” 

Chat frowned. “I know you think I’m useless or annoying sometimes, but we’re still partners, right?” I’m no Master Fu, but I’ll always be here to help.” Chat hesitated, shifting his eyes from her to the view below them. “If you want, that is.” 

Ladybug rolled her eyes. “I don’t think you’re useless, chaton. But this isn’t just another akuma, this is something I should've had already under  control!” 

“You’ve only been the Guardian, for what, a week?” 

“Yes, but I’ve been training with Master Fu for months before that! I should’ve been prepared!”

“Prepared? Master Fu’s had a couple of centuries to his name and he still messed up! Why can’t you just trust me to help you?” 

She faltered, biting her lip. “This isn’t about you. Chat.” She trembled. “I don’t know what I’m doing, but the safety of the Miraculous is my responsibility now. So, even if it was just for a few months, I have to be the Guardian Master Fu was training me to be.” 

“You don’t have to do it alone.” 

Ladybug smiled bitterly. “You’re not always going to be there, chaton.” 

Chat adjusted himself so their shoulders were touching. “Well, I could be. Outside of these masks, you know?” 

Ladybug stiffened, and robotically turned to face him. He was smiling ruefully, although his eyes glimmered with hope. She frowned, 

“We can’t.” 

“Who’s gonna tell us no?’

She froze. Who was going to tell them no? Master Fu wasn’t the Guardian anymore, she was. And it would be helpful, knowing who he was… . 

A barrage of memories flashed in her mind’s eye of a flooded Paris and blank, ice blue eyes. An explosion so strong it broke the moon. A silent city, that had been a ghostly reflection of her own. A Chat Noir that wasn’t hers, that would never be hers, as long as she… 

“No.” 

“No?” Chat’s voice cracked. “But, there’s nothing stopping you from-” 

“Didn’t you see what happened with Miracle Queen, Chat? Rena Rouge, Carapace, Queen Bee, Viperion, Ryuko, all of them had their identities exposed and now they’re all in danger! Haven’t you noticed that Hawkmoth only targets a certain demographic? And you want to add our identities in that mess?” Ladybug’s arms were flying around as she ranted, gesturing between the two of them to emphasize the point. “That’s the worst idea you could’ve come up with right now!” 

Chat’s eyes widened, and he slowly retreated further from her. He took a shaky breath. “Alright, alright. That’s a no on our identities then.” 

A long and awkward silence fell between them. They were settled on opposite sides of the beam, their eyes shifting between them, and the quiet city below them. Ladybug sighed. Usually the view of the sparkling city of love was enough to calm her. But not even the bright lights of the streets reflecting starry skies could calm her racing heart. Hey body shook in tiny tremors as she tried to settle herself. A part of her just wanted to give in and reveal who she was. Maybe it would’ve complicated everything but at least Chat would be with her. 

However, the faint whispers of a lonely cat’s melody, kept her frozen in place. Fortunately, Chat broke the silence. 

“Maybe, we could try the Justice League again?” Chat hesitated and stared at her, green eyes on blue. 

“Didn’t we already try that after Stoneheart?” 

She remembered that afternoon. It was similar to them right now. Although Chat had been ecstatic to be a hero, she had still been hesitant. To help, Chat suggested the Justice League, a superhero organization that mostly dealt with crimes in North America, although there had been talk of them going international at the time. At the time, they both emailed videos of themselves, explaining the situation, and she had gone home and sent a separate email as Marinette, citing the Ladyblog as proof. They waited for weeks with no reply, but they had already gotten the hang of it so they had left it alone. 

Ladybug wasn’t too sure about trusting them to pick up a second time. 

“We already tried, remember? Besides, I’m the one that can purify the akumas and even if they’re at risk, we technically still have heroes. What help would they be?” 

“Well, they’re more experienced for one thing.” 

Ladybug squinted at him. “Wouldn’t that just put us in more danger? Imagine if a hero was akumatized and we had to fight them? There are days where casualties happen from civilian akumas.” She turned away from him. “We can’t risk it.” 

“Maybe they can help us from far away?” Chat suggested meekly.

Ladybug sighed. Chat sighed as well. He wasn’t dumb, Ladybug wouldn’t even fully trust her own partner. She wasn’t going to risk revealing the Miraculous’ secrets to an organization full of strangers. Besides, she was right. Normal akumas exhausted them, even with their power-ups. What would going up against more experienced akumas be like? 

Ladybug bit her lip. She knew Chat had a point, but this wasn’t a situation she could cast her Lucky Charm and perform Miraculous Ladybug out of. They were both way over their heads, and her mind was already running through every disaster that could happen by involving superheroes who clearly wouldn’t listen to them, if their response the first time had anything to go by. 

Her stupor was broken when Chat stood up and extended his baton. 

“Look, Ladybug. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything just yet.” Chat turned away from her. 

“Chat,” she whispered, standing up to reach out to him. She stopped when he shook his head. 

“I just wish you could trust me, Ladybug,” he said, before launching himself off the tower. Ladybug watched his form disappear against Paris’ dark skies, slowly lowering her hand and clenching it to her chest. 

She trembled and whispered to the nightly breeze flowing past her, 

“Me too.” 

________________________________________________________________

Chat Noir, despite all faults, was a boy who thought more often with his heart than his head. Thus, as he launched himself home to Agreste Manor, he was already forming tendrils of a small plan to help Ladybug. Although it hurt him that Ladybug couldn’t trust him enough to take his advice at face value, Chat Noir’s instincts were sure that even asking for help would help them more than Ladybug thought. 

Thus, when Chat Noir transformed back into Adrien within the safety of his bedroom walls, he rushed to his three computers and began drafting a plea for help: 

To the members of the Justice League…

[chaos-monkeyy]

State of Chaos

Hi folks! Been awhile since I did this (and I meant to do it yesterday, whoops.. *pretends it’s still Wednesday* 😅). 

So as usual, I’ve wound up working on a lot of random stuff instead of getting all the languishing WIPs done 😂 But I have wrapped up a few things! Also, it’s almost November and I have something I’ve picked to try doing for NaNoWriMo… It’s already making me nervous because 1,667 words a day is rather a lot AND my idea has way more plot than I usually write (still porn too though, fear not). Anyway, I have no idea how well it’s gonna go but I can at least give it a shot! So if it actually goes well, I’m unlikely to be posting as much fic for the next little while. 

Oh! There are a couple new fandoms in the mix now too. Namely, the Thrawn Ascendancy novel as well as Stargate Atlantis, thanks to an exceptionally fun rewatch with Leif and DD 😁 I’m just horribly fixated lately on John Sheppard and his should-be-illegal pants… and now Ronon is there too, I may not survive 🤤 Backstory, I adore stargate SG1 and Atlantis, grew up watching it, but this is the first time I’m watching any of it since learning about fandom sooo… I’m having fun lol

(p.s. In case anyone was wondering, my little dumbass cat successfully learned how to use her fancy feeder. It’s adorable watching her nose it open, and Unauthorized Greedy Pet is extremely put out any time he tries to go steal her food now 😆)

Assassin’s Creed 

Diletto 

Shelved for now— not abandoned, just haven’t been feeling the het smut lately.

The skills of Assassins 

I’ve gotten a bit stuck on chapter 4 of the Ezio/Mario fic for some reason, but I did make some progress on it! So that fic update is still coming, just… slowly. 

Other 

I started some Shaun/Desmond AC3 cavern sex but got stuck and haven’t finished it 🙈 Also vague outlines written out for potential sequels to both Not Here (Desmond wetting himself in the Animus) and Demands and Desires (AC3 HaythCon filth). And I have been poking at the Witcher crossover fic too! 

Posted 

Demands and Desires - HaythCon smut; contains incest and ManipulativeAsshole!Haytham. Explicit.

Ache - Drabble smut about Ezio jerkin’ it; 100 words for my 100th fic 🎉. Explicit.

Midsomer Murders 

MM x Wallace and Gromit crossover

I’ve been thinking about this one recently, I’m gonna try and get access to s14 and 15 of Midsomer and maybe start working at it again! It’s the most long-running WIP I have… Actual Story is HARD 😭🥺

Star Wars

The self-indulgent Chiss-human orgy fic 

It’s very close to being done! I’m hoping to get it finished up with Jewell before too much longer 😊😏 

[Title redacted] 

Still working on this filth fest with Rev. It’ll be done some day, we just have too much we want to put into it where is the brain-to-fic machine already dammit 😭

Other

Someday I intend to get that part 3 of the Pinned (Thranto) and the Stripped (Thrawn/Thrass) series written. I also have a plan for another Thrakif fic, too damn many plans to continue the Inappropriate Places pissfic series, and a delicious kinky little Thranto prompt still in my askbox here that I am definitely going to fill sooner or later 😏

Posted 

A Moment in Private - Thrakif smut; Cadet Thrawn getting off while fantasizing about General Ba’kif. Explicit.

A rare thing - Thrawn/Ziara fluff and cuddles ficlet. Teen and up. 

Breathless - Thrakif breathplay; prompt fill with lots of desk sex and light Dom/sub. Explicit. 

(Come) Ride With Me - Thrawn/Eli/Thrass smut. I finally finished the chisscest-y Biker AU!! Explicit. 

Discoveries - Part 1 of Eli peeing in inappropriate places and Thrawn getting turned on by it (well, so does Eli). Explicit. 

Zombie / what’s in your head - A rare angst-tacular Thranto fic. MCD and heavy subject matter. Mature. 

Stargate Atlantis

Nothing specific in progress; it’ll be whatever I get inspired to write as I keep watching through the show! My personal rule for these is that I can write whatever grabs my interest so long as I don’t take too long working on it 🙈 

Posted 

Of rituals and birthday presents - Sheppard / Keras implied-smut. Light-hearted stuff featuring aural voyeurism and a very flustered Rodney McKay. Teen and up. 

The smart thing - dark!Sheppard / Kolya, includes fear-wetting and noncon facefucking. Mind the tags. Explicit. 

The Witcher 

I don’t have much Witcher fic on the burner at the moment. Kinda waiting for s2 at this point, really, and someday I’ll play TW3 and probably get some more inspiration from there! I have been picking at the Witcher x AC Gerezkier (Geralt/Ezio/Jaskier) crossover with Levs, though! I’m slowly getting more comfortable with the smut-to-story balance as we work out where it’s going 😁. Other than that, I have a few things still kicking around my ideas list that I might pick up at some point when brain decides it wants to randomly start something new instead of working on WIPs. 

Posted 

Flagrant Indecency - I did manage to get the final chapter of this finished and posted for the Finish Your Fic deadline! 🥳💦. Explicit. 

Don’t Stop - Geraskier somnomo prompt fill. Juiced-up Geralt, somnophilia, and watersports; some consent issues. Explicit.