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kouyou-arc-when · 7 months

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ON DAZAI AND EMPATHY: A character study Before you read: Obviously diagnosing any character in fiction seriously is a fool’s errand, but I am a fool, so let’s just do this for amusement. The main thing I desire is to discuss is the extent to which Dazai is capable of various types of empathy, as well as how that influences the way he sees and interacts with others. It will be chaotic and all over the place because I just sat down and wrote this in a fit. Let me explain some factors in analyzing Osamu: The author's intention is clearly to make Dazai's internal world a mystery. Since we don't have enough information, all we can do is hypothesize based on external elements. Generally, across all novels, the only time we’ve seen anything of Dazai’s perspective is in “The Day I picked up Dazai” (Beast continuity) – where he “saves” Oda and tortures that random dude. We don’t hear his thoughts narrated from first-person perspective, unlike many of the other novels.

Now, the crux of the issue. For years, it’s been discussed whether Dazai is a “sociopath”. If we disregard that sociopathy is a very loaded term that can mean a lot of things depending on which specialist you consult, at the very least, Dazai does strike me as someone with a unique expression of empathy, who could qualify for Anti-social personality disorder or a related condition. I will abandon the idea that Dazai is a sociopath, and use actual concepts that have legitimacy within this post. Whether Dazai could qualify for ASPD or any other disorder is something I've seen discussed for many years within the fandom. I'll try to analyze how these concepts could apply to him. In regards to mental health and Kafka (since it is a contentious matter) and the validity of any of this: I understand that a lot of people are resistant to the idea that any of the characters could have conditions more complex than depression, anxiety, and PTSD. This is my counterpoint. I have noticed that Asagiri emulates a lot of characteristics commonly attributed to “geniuses”, without confirming or potentially even intending to write these characters as having a specific condition.

A great example is Ranpo – who will read as autistic to any decent mental health professional (Untold Origins). Did Asagiri intentionally sit down and say “I am going to write an autistic character”? Maybe not. However, the “genius” stereotype is profoundly connected to visions of autism, even if people aren’t aware of it. Take people like Sherlock, House and L from Death Note – they’re commonly believed to be autistic by fans. All of these characters borrow from the same group of traits, that just happens to correspond with a certain condition - savants have always been popular in fiction. It's been known that the favorite type of character for Asagiri is the “prodigy” type, and he has used geniuses across fiction for inspiration of most notable intelligent characters within BSD. For Ranpo it was Sherlock, for Fyodor it was Joker from the Dark Knight (a classic sociopath), for Dazai it was Patrick from The Mentalist.

What I’m trying to say is, you can see various personality disorders connected to the portrayal of these geniuses, and even without confirming their state, it is clear they are either intentionally or unintentionally coded to be that way. Extremely intelligent characters not being able to read social cues, lacking empathy, disregarding rules etc. is something we commonly see in fiction. Basically, a lot of people don’t even know that these stereotypes are based on certain personality types, disorders, and illnesses. It’s sort of like drawing a character and dyeing their hair a certain shade of blue that you don’t know the particular name of: it doesn’t change the fact that you used that color, and the fact it has a name. Most authors are not mental health experts anyways, so they may not be entirely aware of every detail of the psychological framework they write the character to possess. They also may not write it consistently, as they're mostly emulating stereotypes. I mention Ranpo and autism because a character can embody traits of a stereotype without the author even necessarily having the intention to do so, however, to anyone who knows a thing or two, it is clear Ranpo is on the spectrum. If Ranpo were to express a few traits that go against this, it would not necessarily take away from the large-scale portrayal he is meant to exude: an autistic coded genius.

Why am I saying this? It is entirely possible for the author to write Dazai as a person with anti-social personality disorder, to “code” him in that way, but to not be entirely aware of how an individual with ASPD realistically tends to act. Because he may be emulating a certain "stereotype" of a genius, he may also end up emulating specific psychological states, without making them entirely consistent in a realistic way. Writing the way individuals with ASPD tend to deal with empathy can be extremely difficult for anyone. It's easy to emulate a sociopath on a superficial level, but beyond that, it gets more challenging. How would a person with limited empathy act when they're hurting someone? That is an easier idea to handle. But how will they act in a friendly relationship? This is where it gets tricky. That is likely why someone like Dazai can never be consistently compatible with a very specific disorder: but, he can come very close. Besides, concepts such as anxiety and depression are pretty well-known, but more niche mental health conditions are not as well understood. So, BSD Osamu was written with specific attention to mental health issues because the author himself was someone who spoke heavily on the topic. I’ve read a lot of real-life Dazai Osamu, with special attention to No Longer Human (the main inspiration for BSD Dazai was Yozo) – and neither RL Dazai nor Yozo gave me the impression they could qualify for ASPD at all.

I know BSD Dazai is the opposite of the RL author in so many ways, but I guess it’s relevant to mention this because we know so little of BSD Dazai’s internal working processes, and Asagiri's main inspiration can tell us a lot about the intentions behind Dazai's portrayal. Generally, an intention or idea behind a character can give a lot of clues to us - more than anything, I am under the impression some of the main ideas behind Dazai's creation was that: 1) He doesn't feel like he belongs among humans 2) He has mental health issues However, we have difficulty defining the exact source of why all of this is in more realistic terms.

Naturally, since Dazai, an extremely socially intelligent person, sees himself as "othered", it is logical to assume he is not capable of fulfilling some emotional function most people can in a successful enough way. If he were just mentally ill in more typical ways (only depression), I theorize he wouldn't feel that "othered". He specifically is not meant to feel human. Obviously, his extreme intelligence is one of the things that isolates him, but the question is what else?

We are led to believe Dazai "sees" something the rest of us don't, and that is one of the reasons he wants to die. However, there is something more to it, as I believe it to be. We have two characters who are as intelligent as Dazai: Fyodor and Ranpo, and neither of them is suicidal, as far as we know. I believe Dazai "feels" a certain way, and then finds a way to logically justify it. Due to his intelligence, he likely falls into a complex loop which leads him to existential nihilism: but you usually don't end up in a place like that if you tend to feel alright in the first place, regardless of how smart you may be. While Dazai is certainly isolated due to his extreme intelligence, most of the people who made an impact on him are nowhere near him in that respect. In fact, I'd argue Dazai isn't even looking for someone equally intelligent to him, unlike Fyodor (this would take another post to explain).

The man who means the world to him, Oda, is more emotionally intelligent and full of common sense, but definitely not his cognitive equal. You can tell a lot about a person depending on what they value: and due to this I believe that Dazai's main issues relate to emotional matters. He primarily feels isolated due to his emotional state, and his intelligence pushes the problem further. Otherwise, he would treasure people like Ranpo and Fyodor over guys like Oda and Atsushi: he's looking for something to ease his emotional pain. Dazai doesn't seek out raw intellectual stimulation as much as comfort/excitement. This post will be an analysis of how Dazai compares to the "average" psychologically and some of the reasons he may feel so othered. Basically, my theory is that the feeling of being "othered" comes from his emotional profile, as much as it comes from his intellectual capacity. Those two take equal parts in his psyche.

Why would Dazai feel so emotionally "othered"? I believe it may have to deal with a specific personality disorder or condition, and mainly how he experiences empathy. One of the possibilities is ASPD. Anyways, let’s look into common ASPD symptoms, and then we'll look into common behavioral patterns the character shows. Dazai is equal amounts portrayed seriously and in a “jokey” way, but his worst traits and moments are usually described without humor. To preface: Keep in mind that you can have any or all of these traits without it qualifying you for a certain disorder. It is the extent to which you show it that makes a person, like Dazai, out of the norm.

1. Repeatedly breaking the law: This one goes without saying, he was in the Mob as Young as 15, and seemingly a violent criminal even before that age. To differentiate him from other members of the Mafia, it is stated by tons of people throughout the story that Dazai was practically born for this job.

Oda in Dark Era:

He was openly murderous before the age of 15, according to both The Day I picked up Dazai and Fifteen:

Dazai and Oda interacting in TDIPUD When talking to Kyouka, it seems that he has an “interesting relationship” with murder as a whole:

One thing is for sure, Dazai is much calmer, calculated, and more Machiavellian than most criminals in BSD, and this all started at an extremely young age. Many people kill when they're young, but they're not this casual about it. The age at which he was this cold about would be of diagnostic significance.

2. Lack of remorse: Everything mentioned above, it is clear that Dazai has an even more complicated relationship with guilt and empathy. I’m pretty sure anyone in real life would consider him out of the norm, as it’s explicitly stated Dazai doesn’t feel remorse for all sorts of things he does, but there are some hints he is either ashamed of the way he is, or regrets his nature, but accepts it. What is particularly significant here is how young Dazai is when he shows a marked level of these traits. A key event that stuck with me is from the Dragon Head event in Mayoi (from my understanding it was written by Asagiri), where Shibusawa mentions Dazai will regret something (to me it sounded like he meant that killing Shibusawa will end poorly for Osamu). However, Dazai’s reaction was interesting – it was like he was almost amused that anyone would believe Dazai “could” feel regret for anything.

Mayoi Later down the timeline it’s quite questionable whether Dazai feels regret for some of his actions because he hides his feelings like a snake hides its legs, but there are implications he is somewhat remorseful if you read between the lines. More on that later. Dazai has changed compared to his past self, but to talk about that, and the extent to which he has changed would take a whole other post.

More on his lack of remorse, In “The Heartless Cur” Dazai is very young when he gets some randos from the Mafia killed in front of Akutagawa, yet his main emotions are amusement and boredom. This is not the “typical” emotional range of most people, even practiced criminals. For example, Chuuya kills people just like Dazai, but his reactions to it are entirely different.

from The Heartless Cur Murder tends to not be the preferred or first solution Chuuya goes for: there is an expected amount of hesitance if you read into Chuuya. He put a bomb below Chuuya’s and sabotaged Ango’s car without much bother. I’d say even if you do see It as a “means to an end”, the way he did it was really cold. Usually, when people of all kinds do bad things, they have remorse and empathy they need to suppress, but with Dazai we don't see much of that. It's like he can just "do it'. He’s also really great at torture, in Side B at age 15-16, he already describes himself as a “specialist”. This is also touched upon when he speaks to Kouyou:

No matter how "grey" a character is, torture is a very specific process that takes a particular psychological profile to pull off. To be a "specialist" at it, you definitely need to possess dented empathy. Lack of remorse and empathy does not mean a person is going to be a criminal at all - it simply opens the opportunity that they may get lost in those waters more easily compared to the average person.

3. Repeatedly being deceitful I’m pretty sure we don’t have to cover this one. Yozo, the character he was loosely based on, is a big liar, and commonly uses “clowning” to distract from his real personality. Even the real Dazai Osamu wrote extensively about the concept of “lying”. There is a lot to talk about Dazai and “masking”, and I’ll get to that in the second half of the post. Generally, Dazai lies a lot, one can’t even be sure what his personality really is. He lies by omission, manipulates, and intentionally deceives people without any issues. There are so many quotes about this that I’d probably reach the image limit right there if I wanted to reference them all. 4. Being impulsive or incapable of planning ahead Does not apply

5. Has difficulty sustaining long-term relationships: Dazai is famously a hoe. From “All women are his type” (and it seems he has zero issues getting together with any woman, young, old or even taken) to being known as “the enemy of all women” (said by Chuuya), it’s clear he is very promiscuous. Wan is in the gray area of canon, but in one of the earlier chapters he has so many love letters by different women that Atsushi burns them all. Kunikida said he hits on any woman he sees in the Entrance exam novel, which is further supported by random Wan! Chapters, silly crossovers, and everything else (literally anything female).

Not only that, but Dazai sounds like a consistently manipulative and toxic romantic partner. In an Otomedia interview, written by Asagiri, Dazai’s real type was basically something like: “Any woman is fine, because he is confident he can shape her to suit his tastes” which shows a remarkable lack of care for the personhood and individuality of his partner.

When answered what he’d do if his partner cheated or betrayed him, his answer was even more concerning. Depending on the translation, it goes something like: “He has not been cheated on, but he has cheated on others” or “he set up women to cheat on him/betray him” where both are a lot, just in different ways.

Either he is compulsively unfaithful, putting all above together, or he plays mindgames with his partners. He’s also told Kunikida that: “And from my experience, it takes only a smile and some kindness to get a woman swooning over you when she's fallen on hard times” painting an image of someone who takes advantage of people’s weaknesses to get what he wants.

Regardless, it’s clear he is very manipulative and likely emotionally abusive. I won’t even touch upon his obsession with double suicide. There’s also the fact that he seems to use sex to get what he wants – insert scene where he fucks the nurse to get his phone back.

Other than that, Dazai appears to be rather solitary. Ango and Oda are said to be “the only ones close to him” because they respected said loneliness. Even in ADA, Dazai seems to be professionally close to people, but very few people seem to know him on a personal level. I’d say he keeps people at a distance intentionally – before it was violently, later it is by being avoidant. For as much of a womanizer he is, there was that early comic where he spent Valentine’s Day drinking at Lupin “with Oda”, instead of going out with any particular person. I think this demonstrates how emotionally distant he is from all the people he interacts with

6. Being irritable and aggressive:

Dazai is not particularly aggressive, nor irritable, but he has moments where he slips. Tbh, reading back, it says a lot about Dazai’s character who he gets angry at and why. It’s important to say that when Higuchi calls him out on “Hollowing out the hearts of his opponents” in incredibly brutal ways, Dazai replies that he thinks “Sadism is just a method, and how it’s boring”.

Akutagawa is the receiver of a lot of his violence to a disproportionate degree. He beats up Akutagawa beyond what could ever be “just training”. There’s something that ticks him off about Akutagawa, which is interesting, since Dazai tends to not react this way to anyone who doesn’t touch him “intimately” in some way. A lot of people justify Dazai’s physical abuse by saying it is “training”, but it stood out to me how he kicks Akutagawa in the stomach even the first time he meets him in “Beast”, when Akutagawa is just an extremely traumatized and deprived kid he refuses to recruit. There is not much utility to that kick, to me. It felt personal.

Another example of him expressing anger is when people “called him foolish for wanting to die” – clearly he did not take it well since all of those people ended up dead. This is from “The Day I picked up Dazai” when Oda tells him he is a fool for wanting to die.

Other times Dazai expressed rage was in relation to Ango and Oda, particularly anything that related to Oda’s wellbeing.

He snaps at his subordinates when they tell him he shouldn’t be friends with someone “of such low status”, and the only time we really hear Dazai say he hates someone is when he’s torturing one of the guys who put Oda in trouble in the Beast timeline of “The day I picked up Dazai”. Obviously, he is resentful towards Ango and incapable of forgiving him. “Dead Apple” guidebook touches on it.

“Though they were once good buddies who used to drink together, to Dazai, Ango is one of the persons who caused the death of Odasaku. He still holds that resentment up to now, and is unable to forgive. Ango also seems to feel Dazai’s silent wrath towards him.”

Harukawa has said to pay attention to how cloudy the eyes of a character are to accurately interpret their psychological state. I don't think there are many times Dazai's eyes are drawn in such an extreme way - there is no "light" she talks about here. His eyes are pure black when he talks to Mori during the Guild arc.

He also agrees with Fyodor on “Malice being the best fruit that God Bestowed upon Mankind”

There is also this with Jouno:

Basically, Dazai rarely gets angry, insults don’t work on him (as he tells Chuuya), nor does beating him up, but when he does get irritated he flies off the handle and has no issue crossing any normal boundaries.

That detail is what stands out to me – usually, people have a line they won’t cross when getting mad, but for Dazai it’s like most moral lines disappear. Imo, his anger is for social standards over disproportionate in how far he’ll go and how he'll act on it– he usually has a clear intention to harm the individual he's mad about. In comparison, Chuuya is someone who gets angry more than Dazai, but Chuuya clearly has a line he won’t cross. There is also no pointed sadism in his reactions. Dazai will likely do almost anything.

Basically, it's not how much Dazai gets angry, but the way he gets mad that sticks out to me. Most importantly, Dazai only ever gets enraged if it concerns something very personal and intimate: Oda and his death, his suicide attempts etc. At this point, for me, It’s safe to say that if Dazai gets extremely angry, it means the topic affects him on a deep level (a hint to whatever Is happening between him and Akutagawa, I could talk a lot about that).

More on Dazai’s unpredictable and violent nature:

Stormbringer I think there is a valid argument in seeing Dazai’s aggression as just a tool he uses to keep others at bay, something to hold over people and control them – but even then, it shows a marked disinterest in social norms people usually respect.

7.Having a reckless disregard for their safety or the safety of others This one builds upon all the others. However, it’s always been interesting to me how it’s clear something flies over Dazai’s head when it comes to regularly empathizing with others.

This is often seen with Chuuya. In my opinion, most of the bullying Dazai gives Chuuya is not motivated out of rage, but rather some form of spite. He goes at length to Rimbaud about planning Chuuya’s murder in “15”, then he also lets Chuuya be tortured in “Stormbringer”.

I am under the impression he sees these moments as “amusing” and doesn’t fully emotionally understand why this is something bad, even if he does on a rational level. I’ll say that Dazai did seem to show some rage whenever anyone hurt him physically in the past (seems likely to be a hint to a traumatic past), which Chuuya did when they met, but I don’t get the impression he is generally angry with Chuuya, it’s more like he just enjoys fucking with him. Ironically, for how rarely Dazai gets angry, it seems he reserves his rage/irritation exclusively for people and things he cares about, so Dazai being specifically irritated at Chuuya is just a sign of how much the guy gets to him.

If Dazai were angry at Chuuya, it is in character that he would try to hurt him a lot more than he does. However, I'd say Dazai has a blurry space for what's ok between "keeping someone purely safe" and "deeply hurting them". There is some lack of emotional empathy there - to him, it is more amusing than anything to see someone he finds interesting struggle.

Dazai sees boundaries differently. He’ll put people into danger or through discomfort without worrying much, especially if he’s sure they’re going to walk and live after it, but sometimes not even that. (there’s so many examples of it). I’d say it’s not that Dazai doesn’t care, he just cares about people differently compared to what we’re used to socially.

Regarding personal safety, it’s pretty obvious: he’s a suicide maniac, but even more, he also puts himself in harm’s way all the time without any anxiety present. Examples are when he provokes that sniper in Dark Era (when Oda gets angry at him and wants to punch him), knows he is going to get shot by Fyodor, but lets himself get hurt anyway. When he “dies” in 55 minutes, he seems “lightly” surprised, but there’s no strong reaction to it. To me, it seems that the only physical harm he dislikes is pain he suffers from another person (when he doesn’t plan it). Dazai apparently doesn’t feel much “anxiety” – I remember many different times when he comments on another character’s timidness or meekness, seeing it as something unusual.

8. Behave irresponsibly and show disregard for normal social behaviour He’s extremely eccentric, and even Ranpo says he doesn’t get him. Dazai asks women to commit suicide the moment he meets them, and often attempts suicide around people even if it distresses them (Entrance exam).

While I think he made this excuse in Dark Era to Taneda because he didn’t want to work with Ango, I do believe he believes what he said: “You’d lose your job if I did that.” Dazai wryly smirked. “I don’t like places with lots of rules.” Not being able to accept conventional rules is very often a telltale sign of a personality disorder. Clearly, Dazai fits many of the criteria necessary for having ASPD, so let’s look at some other details that are common for people with ASPD.

Masking: In psychology and sociology, masking is the process in which an individual camouflages their natural personality or behavior to conform to social pressures. Masking is common with many disorders, such as autism, ASPD etc. I am pretty sure it’s canon Dazai masks – on a BSD exhibit, the key element Asagiri wanted to talk about in Dazai’s personality was related to this.

“When I describe Dazai to the staff, there is a phrase that I always use, “an unworldly being with a mental age of two thousand years.” Dazai has far surpassed the mental dimension that human can reach, thus no-one can even tell if the emotions he shows are the real things or not.

There are rare moments when that Dazai shows his very “human” side. That is when he talks to another superhuman who is on the same level with him. The other is when he talks about his old friend who has passed. This is the scene when Kyouka wondered “Maybe I’m, after all, just a murderer at heart.” and refused to be saved. And Dazai’s reaction to that. When he said “Don’t give me any of that!” here, he really meant it. That was an outburst from Dazai, as a 22-year-old boy, in this scene.” Light novels often describe his smile as fake, mask-like, and I could probably find 20 panels where Harukawa clearly drew him to intentionally seem like a fake smiler. From “15” to “Entrance exam”, Dazai often drops his mask, and then goes back to acting silly just to make the other person relax. He does this with everyone, Mori, Kunikida, Atsushi, etc. Chuuya also mentions that Dazai’s “happy-go-lucky” personality in ADA is something new, and he believes it doesn’t fit him.

Kunikida says this in the Entrance Exam: "For someone so full of eccentricities, there is something about his behavior that makes it seem as if he has an unobstructed view of the world. I don’t know exactly why, but all his emotions strike me as an act to some degree. Is he just playing dumb? Could there be more to him than he’s letting on, lurking behind his ambiguous mannerisms?"

More than anything, Dazai himself says that Oda was the person closest to seeing his “real” personality. That pretty much confirms he keeps his real self hidden away. I’d say that there are several possibilities to why this is: He hides it because he dislikes being vulnerable, he doesn’t know how to act “normal”, people are unable to understand him, so masking makes it easier for him to communicate with others…there’s a lot of theorizing I could do here.

Dazai also tends to have interesting thoughts about personalities as a concept.

You’ll commonly see Dazai say something serious, followed by a severe reaction of the other character, ending with Dazai changing his demeanor and saying “just kidding” to lighten the air.

Manipulation: Dazai is extremely Machiavellian – he is prone to manipulating everyone around him, regardless of how much they care about him or not. He manipulated Chuuya into joining the mafia, he does the same with Akutagawa even today: Here we have him preying on Aku's insecurities to sabotage his self-confidence

He seems to be able to cut off his emotions from any situation, seeing people in a raw, factual sense.

There are several moments throughout the novels where Dazai talks about people as if they’re purely resources or pawns. An example of this in Dead Apple (where Chuuya gets angry because he doesn't respect people or show enough sympathy)

The way he speaks of Atsushi, when asked what he thinks of him in a guidebook, is something like “developing as expected”. Especially in the original, it sounds extremely factual, mechanical, and cold. To me, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about Atsushi, he’s just the type to compartmentalize his emotions in opposition to his thinking. This is very common for a few personality disorders and mental health conditions: the capacity to totally cut off your emotions from the equation. Obviously, many people are capable of doing this to one extent or another, but the amount to which he does it is what makes it significant.

Lack of traditional empathy: Personally, I think everything comes down to this. Dazai's experiences with empathy are one of the main themes of his character arc. I believe one of the things that makes him feel othered is his lack of emotional empathy.

People with ASPD tend to have issues experiencing what a lot of people consider “typical” empathy – however, ASPD is also on a large spectrum, so experiences certainly vary. Keep in mind that "lack of empathy" is common for all sorts of disorders, but since ASPD seems to be one of the most popular choices for Dazai, I decided to start there.

Before we continue, there are 2 types of empathy: Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize and understand someone’s feelings and experiences and imagine yourself in those scenarios. Emotional empathy is experiencing shared emotions with someone or feeling emotions as though the experience is your own.

People with ASPD can commonly do the first type easily, and struggle with the second one. It does not mean they cannot experience emotional empathy, it’s just rarer for them to feel it. In my opinion, Dazai heavily relies on Cognitive empathy compared to Emotional empathy.

You can see often that he seems to not entirely understand “why” something is wrong on a personal level, but he can logically see it. This is a running theme, and you can commonly see that Dazai doesn’t fully understand “normal”.

“15” Asagiri seems to be writing Dazai as someone who has gone “beyond the human dimension” in his skills and intelligence, so other people can’t fully understand him, but I think this goes both ways. Dazai has lost touch with what’s the standard human experience.

One of the times Chuuya specifically calls out Dazai for not "acting human-like" is when he's not expressing empathy and respect. It is clear that Dazai's lack of empathy is one of the aspects which make others see him as "inhuman".

There is another situation with Kunikida during the Azure Messenger arc where Dazai seems to apologize for not getting something “is normal”, it slips by you very easily. It is framed as a joke, and it can be read as him making fun of Kuni, but Kunikida asks himself why Dazai apologized. It does read a bit unusually.

To me it seems like Dazai doesn’t fully emotionally understand other people, so when his mask slips you can see that he struggles a ton with getting what’s exactly “typical”.

Because Dazai is extremely intelligent, he masks in order to fit into society, and he does it successfully since he can intellectually understand most social and emotional functions and processes. However, he slips up like everyone does. This is why he got along with Oda well – since Oda just let him act like himself without having ulterior motives. Dazai didn’t have to “mask”. He didn't see Dazai as "just anyone", but he also realized Dazai was human. Basically, to Oda Dazai was a kid that had empathy issues, but he was struggling much like everyone else.

Personally, I feel like Dazai doesn’t feel entirely “human” because he doesn’t feel “emotional empathy” on the same level as other people, and this is one of the key issues of the character (as it's clearly stated in the Dead Apple manga, where Dazai does seem a bit upset by Chuuya's reaction)

. The reason he felt “seen” by Oda is because Oda fully recognized this and still believed Dazai could do “good”. In our society, it is common for people to think that "empathy" and "sympathy" are conditions for being a good person, but it isn't so simple. The possible complexity of Dazai's moral state is why I find the character so interesting - a person without traditional empathy choosing to be good is really fascinating. (more on this later).

Boredom and general emptiness: “Boredom” is an extremely common complaint for people with ASPD – in fact, intense, non-standard boredom, along with other symptoms such as atypical experience with empathy, is one of the easiest ways to recognize ASPD. A “numbed” emotional state is common for people with ASPD, and due to their different emotional range and inability to connect with others in a more typical fashion, they are prone to “boredom” and seeking out extreme experiences.

Alcoholism/Substance abuse is common for people with ASPD, and it’s pretty much canon Dazai drinks a lot (alcohol is even in his likes). Aside from that, Dazai often cites boredom as one of the main reasons he wants to die, and I remember so many instances where he complains about it in bizarre circumstances. This is common for people with ASPD: depression/suicidality is comorbid, and I have heard people with ASPD mention they wanted their life to end once they no longer have enough stimulation. Dazai is often stated to be “bored”, or look bored even when extremely horrifying things are happening (people dying around him/telling their life stories..). An example with Mori where he talks about wishing to die (from 15):

Another really funny thing, a lot of people with ASPD I have seen tend to dislike “dogs”. Obviously, this hatred comes from the real life Dazai being scared of them and thinking they can attack at any moment, but it’s a funny coincidence. They tend to dislike dogs for an entirely different reason than Dazai does, to be fair.

How Dazai seems to see himself and morals in general

Generally, to me it seems like Dazai is not entirely happy with his nature. He admires Oda and doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t use his talents to rise up in ranks within the Mafia, simply because that is logical to Dazai – perhaps it is that difference between them that he enjoys so much. He is frequently attracted to displays of empathy:

Examples: 1. Ango documenting the deaths of people within the mafia even if it’s “just a waste of money” 2. Almost everything Atsushi and Oda do

He often describes altruism as “interesting”. I am also under the impression that Dazai has a tendency to project his nature onto others, which we can gather from his “Evil expects evil from others” quote to Mori. Furthermore, he sadly remarks in Dark Era that he is “a man despised by righteousness”. so I feel like there is something up here, some sort of guilt, distaste or shame.

This tells me:

a)Dazai sees himself as “evil”

b)He is constantly assuming the worst in others or is prepared for the worst

Another thing this tells me is that Dazai is someone who is likely extremely wary of people’s intentions. This is a ubiquitous theme all across BSD, especially when we see him as a kid. Osamu tends to be skeptical of everyone and everything, as if he’s waiting for people to betray or fuck him over at any corner. In TDIPUD, he keeps getting upset that he can't figure out Oda, since it makes no sense for him to be so charitable for absolutely no reason. Oda said “good and evil are the same to you” – personally I interpret this as Dazai being largely amoral rather than immoral. Whether Dazai can be described as “good”, “evil” or “neutral” largely depends on your view of ethics. Just because someone lacks traditional empathy, it doesn't mean they are necessarily sadistic or bad at all. Immoral and Amoral are two words that sound similar but have different meanings. Immoral is an adjective that describes “something against pre-established morals, ethics, or standard societal practices.” Amoral, on the other hand, is an adjective that describes “something or someone completely lacking morals.” In common society, if you’re not “good”, you are often automatically “evil”. Basically, a person who has "no morals" is just as bad as a person who has cruel beliefs, but those two fundamentally differ. However, in a technical, utilitarian fashion – this is often seen to be true. More or less, “good” is the neutral state, and the more you step away from it, the more “evil” you are perceived to be. The more moral conventions you break, the more "evil" you are, regardless of your intentions. The results of the actions matter more than the source and motivations. In the end, a person is dead, regardless of why you killed them or how you felt about it. The reasons why people do conventionally moral things can be all over the place too - people aren't always kind because they have sympathy. When I hear “evil and good are the same to you”, it sounds like Dazai has no need for either, meaning, yes, he has no inherent need to do good, but no need for bad, he is simply not opposed to either of them. Regardless of what he's doing, he feels the same way. They're both tools to satisfy particular needs. Many people read this and say "aha, so if he sees no difference between the two, that means he is evil", but I think the truth is in the middle. I always say that to estimate Dazai's moral framework, you need to judge him outside of normal conventions. Basically, his starting point in making decisions is different. He begins his process likely by thinking "what will this bring me?" Most of his “evil” is not out of pure sadism, it’s just that he feels no need to stop himself due to moral conventions, he mostly cares about practical results. This is opposed to Kunikida who cares about ideals and morals in a vacuum and pursues them in their most idealized version (and it's well known Asagiri writes duos as opposites). Entrance exam as a novel was about how idealism can lead people to ruin when it's unrealistic.

He’s naturally immune to socialized pressure that forms the moral frameworks of most people on an emotional level. All of this is very common for ASPD, and a few other conditions. The more I see Dazai talk about how he sees the concept of personality, murder, morality – the more I am convinced his ethical framework is focused on results rather than the inherent morality of said actions. Example: He's going to lie to you to make you happy, even though "lying is bad". There is no inherent value in staying honest if it makes an individual miserable in the long run, even though society sees frankness as a virtue. That way, most actions are “open” for Dazai to undertake, he has no qualms most people have against them, since he doesn’t have socialized morals. A lot of the time, we only see certain things as "unconditionally bad" because we've been socialized to see them that way, even if it's not necessarily logical. He simply lacks socialized morals, leading to a tendency to be amoral. Everything is a means to an end, every action is alright if it's a tool that has more pros than cons. Oda's death was a useful character arc, since it led Dazai to taking Oda's moral framework as his own. He doesn't believe he is better than others, nor does he enjoy hurting random people, he doesn't kill or rob randos to get something and believes he is justified in it. Things of that type would make him “immoral”. Most of Dazai’s evil actions seem utilitarian, rather than committed for the pure act of pleasure or cruelty. When I say “amoral”, I mean this from Dazai’s point of view. Since he has no “moral boundaries”, all actions are open for him to undertake. He can go as far as he wants to any extreme largely depending on his subjective worldview and feelings (as seen in Beast, where he breaks all sorts of ethical codes of being "a good man" so Oda could get a decent life). However, since he is aware that there is a fight between good and bad in every person, and that evil tends to win out compared to the good, under enough pressure, he admires people who selflessly continue to be kind. That is why Oda, a highly moral person even beyond what is logical (his insistence to not kill even if it harms him) is the opposite that pushed him to change. Ulterior motives tend to be something Dazai is worried about in people, perhaps because he is possibly projecting all he is, or can be, on others. He describes Oda specifically as:

"a man who has no ulterior motive". Oda is obviously being a good person partially out of self-interest ("people live to save themselves"), but this self-interest is not destructive. I think for Dazai, it was difficult to find people who didn't have an ulterior motive that was ultimately hurtful, and he projected that onto everyone. Oda acting in his self-interest was ultimately beneficial to everyone. All in all, while Dazai does admire Oda's morals - I think a lot of this appreciation comes from an intimate and subjective place, where he feels comforted someone like Oda even existed. Continuing Oda's work is likely an extension of this as well. Keep in mind, any person has the right to see Dazai's actions as bad, as they often are. I am more speaking of Dazai's internal mental framework. Conclusion: Dazai has no inherent need to do good or bad, for the most part. He just goes as far as he needs to to satisfy his emotional needs.

Oda saved Dazai’s life in the day I picked up Dazai, and listened to him, but expected nothing in return. I feel that Oda saw this struggle within Dazai, and the way “good and evil don’t mean much to him” due to his disorder, but recognized that Dazai perhaps didn’t want to be this way.

Since Oda saw Dazai’s “irregular” nature, and still believed he could be a good person, Dazai was touched and decided to change his life. I believe Dazai had some distaste for himself, regardless of his lack of empathy, he could recognize what he was doing was not entirely right. As Asagiri mentioned, Oda told him exactly what he needed to hear, and the fact that these words were so life-changing to Dazai tells us a lot about what he had on his mind. In my opinion, to see who Dazai is, you need to follow exactly which words got to him.

In my opinion, it likely meant a lot that a person he actually admired wanted to be in his life, especially a person he considered so kind like Oda. He often says that Oda is “the most interesting person he knows”. Imo, this is because “empathy” is one of the things Dazai doesn’t fully understand. He had to learn it. Since he understands human nature so well, cognitive empathy comes easy to him, but he still fucks up sometimes.

Here, I also feel like he is talking about himself – he sees himself in Kyouka. It doesn’t come naturally to Dazai to be “good”, but he is trying his best, that is his ideal now. (Asagiri said this was one of Dazai's rare human moments). For that reason, I think Dazai admires empathetic people and tends to dislike those who are naturally violent, or even choose to be violent out of sadism.

On the BSD exhibit, Asagiri said Atsushi was "an empathy user", and how that is the key to his character. During one interview, the author mentioned that Dazai keeps testing Kunikida's ideals, but Osamu secretly hopes that Doppo will prove to be right, and Dazai wrong. This to me paints a picture of someone who hopes that "good" is worth it, at least from an intellectual point of view. When talking with Fyodor, he seems to admire people who live emotionally, thinking god doesn't prefer perfection, logic and harmony.

"The ones who actually make the world run Are those who scream in the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood"

Dazai seems to reject the idea that him and Fyodor and better because they are more calculating and cold - like I mentioned earlier in this god-forsaken post, this to me says Dazai believes empathetic and emotional people are better than him.

"I've come to see it many times, his gimmicks are the accidental and illogical that's a weakness two of us have in common" He suffers because he is not like them, and that contributes to him feeling "othered".

Negative emotions and Akutagawa

My guess is that one of the reasons Dazai has so many issues with Akutagawa is because he is projecting his own issues with his lack of empathy onto him. This makes him relate to Akutagawa, but also dislike him beyond how he usually treats people. Akutagawa questions why Dazai's acts of violence are justified, while Osamu is judging Akutagawa: to me it sounds that Dazai sees his actions as at least partly justified because they are "logical" and utilitarian. He puts a difference between him and Aku, as if Dazai's natural instinct is not to mindlessly hurt others. However, it's interesting he needs to draw this line.

I believe Dazai sees a lot of the hurt he enacts on others as either "justified" or subconsciously defensive. "If I don't hurt others, they will hurt me", and he uses this against all kinds of people to keep them in control. In the Dark Era novel, Dazai speaks of Akutagawa like this:

“When I first saw him over in the slums, I was horrified. His talents are extraordinary, and his skill is extremely destructive. Plus, he’s stubborn. If I’d left him to his own devices, he would’ve ended up a slave to his own powers until he destroyed himself.” Interestingly, Dazai was "horrified" at what Akutagawa was capable of, where most things don't seem to exactly phase him. I think something about Aku's capacity for violence even scares him, and he "lashes" out in response to control him.

Later on Oda calls out Dazai's thinking indirectly in Beast, saying that hurting Aku is still bad no matter why he did it. (more on this in the next section) However, it’s very clear he cares for Akutagawa in “Chopsticks and a Spoon”, so I do feel like he’s likely aware of it. In fact, that story contains one of the gentlest expressions Dazai has pointed at anyone, so I think he partially sees Akutagawa as "innocent" in nature, and more like a wounded animal. I'll likely write a post about it. Since Dazai has expressed some lament or even shame regarding him being a person "hated by righteousness", I do think he is a bit ashamed of who he is. This part is a theory: When talking about "No Longer Human", Asagiri mentioned that he felt the book was about "embarrassment". Since Dazai is canonically famously based on Yozo to some extent, I feel that we can guess that Osamu likely does feel some shame - the question is about what. The rare times we see BSD Dazai express something similar to shame is when talking about his moral nature (when he beat up Akutagawa in Dark Era), but it's a "blink and you'll miss it" type of thing. Yozo and RL Dazai's relationship with his father was one of the cornerstones of his work (NLH even ends with him mentioning how he would have been alright if he had a better relationship with his father). Within the book, Yozo feels all sorts of things which make him feel "inhuman", but he is terrified about being open about it due to his strict father who sees him as somewhat strange. Since the theme of "fatherhood" was lightly touched upon when Atsushi's orphanage director died, I do think this is potentially a sore spot for BSD Dazai too. My guess is that Dazai likely had a poor relationship with his father figure, who saw him as "strange" or "inhuman" due to the way he acted: leading BSD Dazai to feel shame over his nature. Perhaps one of the things that made his father see Dazai as inhuman was his lack of typical ethics and empathy. Osamu internalized this - and ended up becoming a criminal at a very young age, perhaps in an attempt to confirm what hurt him, seeing himself as someone who could mostly do bad (which could be one of the reasons he wanted to die so young). Perhaps Oda making a way for him to "act good" was life-changing because of that too - it targeted a specific wound. All of this is speculation, but Dazai did mention that "self-pity leads you to living a life that is an endless nightmare". My guess is he was talking about himself there: and his own experiences with shame. To extend this: I think one of the reasons Dazai is so harsh on Akutagawa is because he is possibly projecting his relationship with his father onto Aku. Akutagawa is violent and troubled, and Dazai was shamed for the same thing. (but it would take a lot of time to work through this theory, so moving on..)

Dazai exhibiting empathy However, Dazai does show empathy for Oda, and a lot of it. I’d go as far as to say that he over-empathizes with Oda, while he underempathizes with everyone else. His relationships with the people closest to him tend to be why some people think he may have BPD. Especially due to devaluation and the "favorite person" concept. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation. A FP is a person who someone with BPD relies heavily on for emotional support, seeks attention and validation from, and looks up to or idealizes. For Dazai, this is Oda. On the other hand, In the context of BPD, “devaluation” refers to a psychological defense mechanism or coping strategy that individuals with BPD may employ in their interpersonal relationships. Devaluation involves a shift in the person’s perception of others, where they view someone they previously idealized or held in high regard as unworthy, flawed, or worthless. They become unworthy of their affection and praise. The person with BPD may engage in behaviors such as intense criticism, verbal attacks, withdrawal, or even cutting off contact with the person they have devalued. These actions are often driven by the individual’s fear of rejection, abandonment, or a desire to protect themselves from potential hurt or disappointment. For Dazai, the clearest example of this is Ango. However, a person can exhibit the "favorite person" and project the phenomenon of devaluation without having BPD. In my opinion, Dazai does show heightened polarity in his feelings toward others, but I am not sure if BPD would be my choice for him. It's very difficult to say, as many conditions mask as BPD, and Dazai's expression of empathy is unique.

Dazai idealizes Oda, and deeply sees his pain as his own, while he always frames Akutagawa in a negative light, even though he is likely one of the people Dazai cares about the most (next to Oda, Chuuya, Ango, Atsushi, especially according to Beast). Another example of his heightened negative emotions are Ango, and Chuuya to a much lesser extent. My guess is that Dazai doesn’t deal with caring about people well, especially when they are any sort of “threat”: which is why he tries to “bully” them down. The reason he goes easier on Chuuya than Akutagawa is because he feels Chuuya is in his nature more sympathetic.

In my opinion, the moment Dazai warmed up to Chuuya was when he realized that The Sheep were pushing Chuuya around: he was no “King of the sheep”, he was acting out of empathy and care. Since Chuuya is so powerful, it was likely admirable to Dazai that he didn’t abuse his abilities for self-gain. This is when he decided to isolate Chuuya from the Sheep: and I think the reason above is specifically why

I'd say Dazai is likely "spikey" to anyone he cares about but has less confidence they won't hurt him. There are two camps of people: 1. Atsushi, Oda, Kunikida, Sigma (generally upright, meek, moral at the end of the day) 2. Chuuya, Akutagawa, and lastly Ango (people who are aggressive, challenging, and need to be put down in Dazai's eyes).

He cares about both camps (Sigma is debatable, I spoke of the type of personality Dazai seems to deal with easily in his case), but he likely feels "less safe" with the second type. Mori could potentially go into the second camp - there is some respect and resentment there at the same time. He even talks about this with Kunikida in Entrance exam.

"“I guess. But you, Kunikida, I’ve got a good idea of who you are now, so nothing you do will ever surprise me. I mean, compared with me, you’re just a simple man with a simple mind, after all.”

See? You wear your heart on your sleeve. You don’t hide how you’re really feeling. It’s nice. You know what else is nice? Just knowing that you’re going to be worrying later to yourself, ‘Am I really that simple?’”

“Why, you—”

But I refrain from arguing. Whatever my response, he’s just going to end up telling me, “I knew you’d say that.”

I suppose that being around Kunikida comforts him since he is predictable, yet kind. On the other hand, someone like Chuuya excites him, because he is wild and challenging enough, but is still a good person when it comes down to it. Basically, Dazai is hypervigilant of pain.

Akutagawa is “off the chain” in comparison to all of them. I am under the impression that Dazai can care about people without treating them well at all, and 2 of the people who are at the top of his list (Chuuya and Aku) are people he “seems” to dislike (In Chuuya’s case rather openly in his profile).

It appears that the more “intense” and “unpolished” parts of Dazai’s personality are strictly reserved for people he cares about, but he is extremely selective about who he shows emotional empathy to as it’s such a rare experience for him. He may capable of "cutting off" empathy to protect himself emotionally. It is quite clear some aspects of empathy miss him broadly in Beast, when he appears shocked that Oda would react so strongly to endangering Akutagawa since “it’s all supposed to end well if he survives”. That sentence itself is totally tone-deaf, yet Dazai is acting as if Oda is supposed to take that normally. It’s quite clear that Dazai doesn’t treat Atsushi all that well in Beast either, as he exploits his fears for Atsushi to be totally obedient to him.

I really like this moment, because it demonstrates that even if Dazai does have some point regarding Akutagawa and the way he goes about things, the way he has treated him is still too much – and Dazai can’t exactly convince Oda, a decent person, why this is ever justifiable under any circumstances. There is an aspect of regular empathy that misses Dazai – it doesn’t cross his mind why his actions are inherently bad. Perhaps it is possible that Dazai was treated with little to no empathy growing up, so he accepted that as a model for acceptable behavior. A lot of the time, cruel actions don't seem to even register to him as bad, in an almost innocent way. It's like it doesn't cross his mind that stuff is out of the ordinary. When talking to Oda about this, he was described as "childlike".

However, Dazai shows a lot of extreme emotional empathy for Oda, which tends to be rare for people with ASPD (obviously, all traits of it are on a spectrum).

Dazai clearly feels as if he himself is being beaten when Oda suffers. Furthermore, “Beast” shows that he is willing to endanger multiple people he cares about so Oda could live and write his book. In his words “the me from other worlds doesn’t care about the world” – showing that even though he may “care” about people, it’s really hard for him to fully emotionally connect with others.

This leads him to severe feelings of loneliness and isolation, but it’s quite clear Oda is the exception to this.

Dazai has multiple anxiety attacks when meeting with Oda in Beast and TIPUD:

“I see.” Oda says after he gives it a moment of thought. “I’ll do so then. That is very kind of you. You are a good guy.”

Dazai’s expression becomes distorted.

He opens his mouth, and closes it again, as if he can no longer breathe.

If he tells him everything now, maybe things will go back to how they were. The two of them will go to the bar together and have a toast. Just like that night.

“Odasa…”

Just as Dazai is about to say that name, a train passes by. The express train passing through that station cuts through the silence of the night, right next to where Dazai and Oda is."

and obviously the whole showdown at the bar. Earlier, Oda mentions that Dazai looks like he is about to cry:

An interesting part here is that Dazai gets shocked that Oda would even consider that Dazai could hurt him:

It almost sounds absurd that Dazai, who is known for scheming even against people he likes, would be that surprised someone would expect this from him. This, to me, shows that Dazai does have that underdeveloped, childish emotional side to himself, where he doesn’t understand everything he does. It’s quite logical why Oda, or anyone else, would be consistently doubtful of Dazai, yet he is so used to not caring about anyone, that when he does feel things he is remarkably unpolished and just as illogical as anyone else. I’d say his heart is like a knife that went blunt from lack of use. Since he has no experience dealing with people he feels strongly about, it always comes across very messy – and Asagiri himself often describes him as childish at his most vulnerable.

Furthermore, the lyrics of the song for Beast have these words to say: “Loving you to death won’t kill me Because I don’t love this world enough” And in the Beast novel, he mentions all he has to give to the world is love. I think we can certainly see that Dazai is not emotionless.

To me it seems like Dazai is capable of selective emotional empathy. I feel like one of the reasons Oda was “the one” Dazai attached himself to the most, is because Oda was a struggling man who was also depressed (rather clear the more you read), but he was empathetic and accepted Dazai for who he was.

Him and Dazai had difficulties in common (the guy was a killer as a kid too), yet Oda did his best to be a good person – that is one of the reasons, as Asagiri mentions, why he had an “outburst” when Kyouka implied former killers can’t be good people. Oda was a good person in his eyes, and his role model of “empathy”: someone he wished to emulate. I am pretty sure that Oda became the blueprint for the moral compass he strives towards.

Most importantly, Oda didn’t really judge Dazai when he showed his lack of empathy, while he remained firm in what he believed in.

“Odasaku is the type of person who will never lecture anyone. Because he does not consider himself a superior person who can teach and guide others. However, it doesn’t mean that he has nothing he wants to say. The sentiments that he couldn’t convey in these two scenes were finally delivered to Dazai in the last scene through the words “Become a good person.” Very meaningful scenes when read as a set.”

is how Asagiri described Oda during the exhibit. As Asagiri says, one of the reasons he didn’t tell Dazai anything when he provoked the sniper was his modesty. Since Oda didn’t look down on him, yet showed concern and fully understood Dazai wasn’t just a struggling depressed kid, but someone with serious issues who also happened to be a child – Dazai grew to deeply care for him. Oda didn't shame him, likely avoiding Dazai's hypervigilant sensor for pain.

Selective empathy is common for many disorders – and Dazai, after not feeling “seen” his whole life, ended up making a true connection with Oda. I guess, in that sense – Oda was the one who really reached Dazai’s heart, and since he was the only one who came that close, all of Dazai’s emotional empathy is reserved for him.

In my opinion, the reason Dazai was so difficult to “get to” was that even people who had good intentions toward him never truly saw him.

To see Dazai as a depressed woobie who just needs to be saved is to idealize him – which wouldn’t exactly help him. They’re talking about a version of him that doesn’t exist. If the only way he could be seen as worthwhile was someone seeing him as more “traditionally good” than he truly is, it’s not going to work. He needs to be seen for exactly who he is, and still given a chance to be better.

Likewise, it had to be someone who wasn’t helping him in order to get something from him. I would say that one of the main reasons why Dazai got so attached to Oda was because his friend had no reason to save him, he gave him space, and didn’t even force himself into Dazai’s life.

It was purely altruistic, and for Dazai, who expects the worst from others and seems to fear people’s intentions, this was perfect. One of the main aspects of Dazai's character is his anxious-avoidant attachment style, where he is likely so afraid of potential pain, he pushes others away, or punishes anyone he cares about who might hurt him preemptively. A lot of this is not impulsive, but calculated, which is why he feels a natural resistance to Akutagawa (but relates to him and cares all the more because of it). He understands the self-destructive nature of Akutagawa.

"If I’d left him to his own devices, he would’ve ended up a slave to his own powers until he destroyed himself.”" I believe Dazai likely allows himself to fully empathize with Oda because he feels only Oda is "safe" in this world. The fact that Oda is dead and gone perhaps makes caring for him even safer, as his image of Oda will never change.

Conclusion: I'd say Dazai is someone who is probably extremely traumatized, with a specific emotional profile that doesn't allow him to experience empathy like normal people do - and this is one of the defining traits of the character for me. He is able to isolate himself from normal social pressures and boundaries - and because of this and his extreme intellect, he feels like an alien in this world. A lot of his struggle likely deals with the fact that he dislikes the hurtful person he is, but has difficulty seeing why he should be better - all while he has a distaste for sadism, cruelty and senseless violence in others. In my opinion, a lot of his own cruelty is "reactive": he acts "evil" because he expects the same from others ("evil expects evil from others), and decides he wants to beat them to the punch. He is comforted when he is in the presence of altruistic and empathetic people, because he doesn't have to be what he dislikes (as "enemy" evil will always make him react since he is threatened). In the end, he rationally sees that cruelty is negative, but he still feels it is an effective tool. If Dazai weren't this way, he wouldn't consistently choose empathetic people for his company throughout the story, while acting callous himself most of the time.

A lot of things Dazai does to me feel like he is avoiding hurt, or attempting to "control the pain" he gets in his life. Notably, Dazai mostly lets himself get "bullied" by people he sees as innocent and simple like Kunikida, since "Kunikida will never surprise him" - he knows that Doppo won't cross the line. Ironically, he famously says he "dislikes physical pain", but often gets himself into physically dangerous scenarios.

It's like he doesn't mind pain if he's the one in control (when Fyodor let the sniper shoot him, when that dude from Mimic shot him point blank). Avoidance of pain and control are other keys to Dazai's character. In that sense, I think Dazai was possibly traumatized and learned to almost completely disassociate from empathy early in his life. There are so many theories I could think of here that we'd get nowhere.

It is clear that Dazai is capable of extreme emotional empathy due to his relationship with Oda, and it's possible he doesn't allow himself to feel it in most scenarios due to his avoidant nature regarding pain. However, whatever the reason behind it, it is clear he doesn't feel a ton of emotional empathy in his day-to-day life, and this disassociation from empathy has crafted him into a person who doesn't fully understand "normal humans".

That is why he sees them as fascinating after Oda dies - he reaches Dazai's heart and opens him up to the idea that not all people are unempathetic and cruel - meaning Dazai doesn't always have to be on guard. Does Dazai have ASPD, or is his lack of empathy a result of other things: PTSD, CPTSD, is he perhaps autistic? I can't say for sure, as it could be so many things. Personally, anyone could make an argument for any of these in my eyes. Above, I mostly analyzed his displays of empathy and tried to study which emotional patterns he appears to follow. I think Dazai's character arc has a lot of worth specifically because we see someone for whom emotional empathy may not be natural trying to be good. It's a unique ethical dilemma, and that's one of the reasons I feel in love with the series. Since it isn't natural for him, his efforts mean a lot, and the struggle feels real and genuine.

Thank you all for reading if you made it this far <3 I've taken a lot of posts and translations I've gathered over the years, and I am sure I won't be able to thank everyone, but, I'd like to show appreciation for popopretty, aja154ever and many others for sharing info from exhibitions, databooks and so. Have a nice day !

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #osamu #oda sakunosuke #bsd dazai #theory

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jessaerys · 1 year

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i love thinking about death note rammys like the L backstory one-shot tells us he was a little feral demon that required constant enrichment to keep him from mayhem and destruction and violence and at age like seven he asked for a computer (asked for it, allegedly nobody planted the idea in him. we dont even have time to unpack that) and then fucking. cracked the stock market and thats why the wammy, uh, foundation, is so wealthy

and then when that gets boring he becomes a detective because solving crimes was better enrichment. like it's about that deep. and listen im not an L specialist i'm sure a lot more depth can be read into his character idk. i just got here. but regardless that's the reason he gives watari which poses the questions --

why, then, would he need a successor? who built the L legend, and what was the purpose? was it watari? did he want legacy? generational wealth? power? glory? why not stick with one weirdo golden ticket orphan and call it a day ?

why were they running this unbelievably unethical indoctrination program where they psychologically tortured orphans for years into believing being L's successor was the height of human achievement and the only meaning to their lives?

L looms so large and transcendental and godlike over mello's and near's entire existence (and we can extrapolate other children at wammys) to the point that it costs them both their life. mello's dead, near has been devoured by the role of L. and he was just some guy. literally some guy they heard a lot of stories about. they were basically raised to have intense chronic second child syndrome

anyway i know the reason is because death note was written basically by the seat of ohba's pants and none of this was considered (my favourite tidbit of information is that mello wouldnt have died if the artist had told him he was fun to draw) but i'm gonna steal it and run with it and elevate the text because that's some the secret history julien + the greek class shit. this is how religions get invented

#death note #brothercrush.txt

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cinnamonest · 2 years

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Hello all. Sorry for my radio silence until now, here's a half-vent-post, half-update-post for the mess I have going on.

So, my second doctor's appointment... I am very grateful to have a wonderful employer who let me take some time off, so since I've been not great, I've gone to stay with my parents for the week.

I am experiencing what I was told is something called "polydipsia," which I can only describe as something I would come up with if I were asked to devise a new method of psychological torture. It's the sensation of intense, constant thirst, but drinking water doesn't do anything. Like, you know how normally when you're super thirsty and drink water, you feel a sensation of relief when you drink water? That doesn't happen. When you swallow and put the glass down, the thirst is just as intense as it was before you drank, it just... does nothing. You just stay insanely, incredibly thirsty, nonstop, and there is nothing you can do, no amount of drinking makes the sensation go away, but you keep getting the urge to drink because that's what your brain compels you to do.

It was mild at first, now it's reached a point that I'm chugging bottles of water, just nonstop, can barely sleep due to thirst. I know it could be so much worse and a lot of people have much worse things and this is minor by comparison, and I'm very grateful this isn't painful, but it's driving me insane. Just the constant sensation that you're trying to fix but nothing alleviates it at all despite trying is frustrating in a way I cannot describe and it's slowly worn me down to the point of psychological exhaustion.

Apparently, this may be due to some kidney issue. If so that means basically all that water I'm drinking, is actually not being absorbed by my body, my kidneys do nothing, so basically it's as if I'm not drinking at all. So, effects of dehydration as well.

At first with the urgent care doctor I went to initially, I was told that I am not diabetic due to blood sugar normal levels and that I had a kidney problem I needed to see a specialist for. Then I finally got an appointment with the primary care doctor, who said that may be incorrect because diabetes would easily explain the polydipsia. However, the last blood sample they took for lab work they did a few days ago came back and it turns out, once again, I am in fact NOT diabetic.

They drew even more blood and did a series of extensive fluids tests, basically measuring the contents by electrolyte, so I would get updates of lab results sent to me reading like "potassium - normal" and "chloride - normal" etc etc as they test each component. Everything kept coming back as being at normal levels until it hit sodium, and then for some reason, sodium and only sodium got flagged as being imbalanced.

I may have "diabetes insipidus", I'll just have to wait for testing results.

Unfortunately, with comically impeccable timing, I needed wisdom teeth taken out as it's apparently already begun to undo my previous expensive orthodontic work, so I just got out of wisdom tooth surgery yesterday. However, since I have ADHD meds (which are amphetamines) flowing through my body, they put me under general anesthesia rather than laughing gas.

So it's done, my mouth is stuffed with gauze, I'm numb with opioids for the gaping holes in my gums, I feel like a pincushion with the number of needles that have been stuffed in me in the last 72 hours, but it's done and hopefully I won't need anything more.

#i am so grateful my employer made this easy and was so understanding i love her #a few years ago at my old job i nearly got fired because i had to be rushed to the hospital and thus missed work #'we expected you to be there and you didn't show? you didn't even call me to let me know?'#like oh right my bad sorry for being unconscious #also on the bright side being given anesthesia rather than laughing gas means I didnt have that embarrassing loopy post-surgery phase #however i was still very like spacey and dizzy and disoriented while waking up which isnt quite the same but #the lady was like 'here's your jacket you can put it back on now' and I said 'thank you' and immediately dropped it on the ground #or so my mother recalled to me #sorry miss nurse

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ddostoyevskyy · 1 year

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❝𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐖 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍❞

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐕: The Hell of Mirrors, 𝐈!

Edogawa Ranpo

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒... officially f!reader for now on, fluffy with a pinch of angst chapter, heheheheheheheheheheheheheh

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄... haven’t updated for a while */cutely gives you this chapter.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒... 3.823k

SERIES MASTERLIST

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐄, 𝐈, 𝐈𝐈, 𝐈𝐈𝐈, 𝐈𝐕, 𝐕

Why would a man become crazy if he entered a glass globe lined with a mirror? What in the name of the devil had he seen there?

“I have already processed your request of Gifted Business Permit from Gifted Special Operations Division, Mister Fukuzawa. We just have to wait for confirmation and other formal details and you can work as a public servant as an ability user, from then.” Chief Taneda exclaimed, his eyes averting meticulously from Fukuzawa and the two children seated besides him; both a young boy and girl whose had her head gently laying on his shoulder, her eyes blindfolded. He had recognized the silent girl eversince they’ve arrived. The young boy, however, has been staring at him with such emerald, determined eyes, wearing a piece of glasses and a familiar military corps cap.

“That’s good to hear, Chief. I hope, my request will be fulfilled because these children really has a potential. Although, this young lady here needs a little supervision, she’s a soft spoken child.” Fukuzawa replied, sipping on a warm tea as Ranpo reached for the cup of water in front of him as he nudged his shoulder where you have been resting on. You raise your head subsconsciously before you felt the cool touch of the mug on your lips which Ranpo had offered you. You were startled a bit before you took his offer to drink, the water had quenched your thirst as you finished drinking with a satisfied buds before muttering a small sound of gratitude.

“I see. But you know her full potential, right? I just hoped, you can bring out the best for this child, Mister Fukuzawa.” Chief Taneda watched the two children interact without words as Ranpo fed you as you eat what he feed you as you munched those unfamiliar flavours exploding in your taste buds. You feel these bursts of delightful and enjoyment as your stomach feel full too, although these emotions are usually something you feared to feel — it makes you feel warm and giddy.

“Of course. I know parenthood is not an easy task, but if they are really willing to help and save others, I am willing to be a guide and a witness of their success.” You felt a large hand on top of your head as Fukuzawa patted your head as he did to Ranpo which the young boy protested with an adorable pout as he continued to feed you while sulking.

“I’m glad to hear that, Mister Fukuzawa. But as an official too, I would like to take young (Name) to a gifted specialist to be checked further. She has been through a lot of psychological torture that her own ability did to herself. And, as far as I know, she was experimented.” Chief Taneda offered. Your trembling hand found the table as it caused the utensils on the table create a tingling sound on the ears. Your lips trembled as Fukuzawa and Ranpo stared at you in bewilderedment, waiting for your next move.

“I was not experimented. These bruises are the aftermath of overusing my ability. Since I were to use my mind for the Altered Reality, my whole body and nerve are affected. My Reflecting Emotions ability travels on my veins and controls the beat of my heart causing palpilations and an almost heart failure. I am not insane.” Your voice held such authority and with your eyes even covered, the man across you felt a sudden intimidation as he gulped. Well, maybe you are not insane, but your level and capacity of knowledge is not normal for a child without medications or experimentations. Ranpo’s case were different; he can see through truth and deduction, while you, have the power to roam in someone’s mind; to mess with their minds, to apply different memories that has never existed, to manipulate someone’s dreams, to appear in someone’s nightmares. The both of you combined is a dangerous combination to ever exist.

“My apologies if I ever offend you, but that’s not what I meant, Miss (Name). We just have to see what’s your full potential and the Gifted Division is willing to help you.”

“I have no power to refuse because the law won’t follow someone whose underage, but Mister Yukichi is now my guardian, and he’s responsible with the decision of my sake,” You answered as you heave a sigh. You felt a poke on your cheek as you tilted your head to Ranpo’s direction, pursing your lips before shaking your head to tell him you don’t want another bite anymore. You have lost your appetite and the food you ate felt like it was trashing on your stomach, swirling with emotions as you calm yourself for a moment. You place your lips on the mug in your hand again as you drink. “But even though I have my eyes covered, I can sense your heart beat. It sounds pleasing and sincere through the ears. I trust you because you are willing to help Mister Yukichi, but I don’t trust those people in that... Gifted Division.”

Fukuzawa stared at you, ash-grey eyes shining under the fancy lights of the restaurant. This... is such a huge responsibility, especially coming from the responsibility itself. But Fukuzawa is also determined to see your full potential, although you seems skeptical and Ranpo had been avoiding his gaze as he also felt silent at your trembling voice, he knew it was a bad idea to hand you over the Gifted Special Operations Division. If ever, Fukuzawa is willing to be an instrument to see your full potential instead of the officials. Ranpo is aware of what will happen too as he felt your small hand tightened on the hem of his cape as you unintentionally tug and grip. Ranpo can sense your agitation and a little bit of irritation as your thighs which is glued to his own started to bounce in action.

Fukuzawa can sense the distress to the two children besides him as he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “I think, we are already finished here, Chief. Thank you for your help and I expect good news for the pending approval of my business permit. Please, contact me for that matters only. If you’ll excuse us, we have to go,” He stood up as he take his wallet from his pocket, rummaging a few cash before putting it under the utensils available on the table. “Ranpo, (Name), let’s go.”

You shakily sighed as you felt Ranpo’s arm on your shoulder and the back of your knees, hoisting you up on his arms as you leaned your head on his shoulder before you felt him strided, following Fukuzawa shortly after he bowed to the Chief whose left speechless because of you. He never really protested anymore, although he was just in an utter shock in disbelief after they left, maybe it was a good idea not to involve you to the officials anymore.

“I’m sorry about my behavior earlier, Mister Yukichi...” You muttered under your breath as Fukuzawa catches your voice. He shook his head as he sighed. “I just can’t... go back there anymore. I hate hospitals.”

“I understand, (Name). You don’t need to apologize for such small things, alright? What you did earlier is a sign of improvement. You can actually fight for yourself without using your ability, right? So, it’s fine, (Name).” You felt that large hand on your head again, patting and caressing your hair in such manner that made you melt as you shift on Ranpo’s arms.

“Hey, don’t get too comfortable. You’re heavy, you know?” Ranpo murmured with a slight pout.

“Are you tired, Ranpo? I can carry her.”

“No can do! But we can take taxi! Or you can carry me on your back and carry (Name) in your arms at the same time!” Fukuzawa sighed at his behavior, shaking his head before ignoring the child’s suggestions which made the younger’s lips puckered more in annoyance.

“So bored!”

“Where are we going, Mister?”

“Are we there yet?”

“I’m getting sleepy!”

“Hey, you! Are you asleep? Ah! How dare you sleep peacefully in my arms!”

Ranpo pondered more questions to the older man that is left unanswered. Fukuzawa really had no idea where to go tonight and his house which is still quite far away from here.

“Hey, Mister. I was just wondering,” Ranpo’s voice turned serious, a little bit lower from his high-pitched, playful voice earlier as he caught Fukuzawa’s attention. “(Name) seems to have a vocabulary I don’t understand sometimes.”

Fukuzawa stared at the boy whose looking directly on the streets as they both walked in sync. “Don’t worry about it. I, as an adult don’t understand what’s going on in her mind too. She’s a close book. But bringing her with us is not a wrong decision, Ranpo,” The boy fell in silence as he pondered in his mind. Fukuzawa saw a lot of confusion and hesitation in the younger boy’s emerald eyes when his gaze averted to the girl sleeping peacefully in his arms.

“And I don’t regret tagging you along too.”

“Are you making me cry again?” Ranpo retorted.

Fukuzawa’s eyebrow arched in confusion. “...No?”

The boy snorted, holding back laughter as he lift his arms and adjusted the girl’s position on his arms with a sigh.

“Where are we heading? I’m so tired!” Ranpo retorted again as Fukuzawa sighed, pulling the girl out of his grasp without waking her up. Before he could answer the younger one, his phone rings through his pocket. He carries the young girl on one arm as if it’s an infant. His muscles restraint under the sleeve of his yukata as he halted for a moment, making Ranpo leaned on the light post, impatiently with a pout.

“Is this Fukuzawa Yukichi?”

“Yes, speaking,” He answered. “Who is this?”

“I’m... (Name)’s father.”

A frown appeared in Fukuzawa’s expression, furrowed eyebrows and purse lips as every steps he took felt heavy and unrelenting. He breath in as he glance at the two children sitting a little away from the table, yet still visible on his supervision. (Name)’s head on Ranpo’s shoulder as the young boy’s also leaning on top of her head with his mouth slightly agape — tired from strolling too much in Yokohama city as he fiddled with his fingers.

(Name)’s father... what would this man who claimed to be her biological father need from him? Or from his daughter... will he take the young girl away from him? Fukuzawa shook his head — he’s not even her legal guardian, yet the thought of bringing her back to the reason why she became a child with no emotions doesn’t sit right with him.

Everything that happened today doesn’t feel right.

It was as if the Heaven were punishing him for all the mistakes he did — those bloodsheds he sheated, and those failed mission as a private bodyguard and assassination is weighing him down as he remembered that one employee whose as powerful — with a connection to the Port Mafia; where he learned and mastered the art of sword. He never failed, though, he realized he wasn’t really ready for such responsible like this; taking children with him despite his dangerous connections.

He ought to change, although his principles and morals opposed his actions — protecting a mere child is not a solution he thought of. He viewed children as fragile, naive, and carefree. But those two children leaning on each other in a deep slumber begs to differ — both intelligence and emotional capabilities that any normal teens at their age rarely has.

But, they’re still a child after all.

Both craved for a parental guidance and validation a parent should fully give them. Edogawa Ranpo were not deprived of that matter until both of his parents are quick to disappeared from this world before he could have explored the world better with them. (Name) (Last Name), however, were deprived to feel any emotions present in this world, not even a touch of a mother and a genuine love of a father that has been betraying her since birth. Those memories planted on his mind were harsh memories of chemicals and experiments that (Name) believed to be a product of her own ability; in which is arguable, but none of it is a fact.

Though, he can’t really ignore Ranpo’s situation — both of them are very much alike.

“Mister Fukuzawa, right?” A man in a suit appeared right in front of him with a serious expression. The man’s head swivels around the restaurant before his eyes fell on the spot Fukuzawa’s been guarding for a while.

“Yes, you’re not mistaken. Please, tell your concern as much as possible because I have company whose definitely tired right now.” Fukuzawa answered with a monotone, voice deep and a little harsher than usual.

Ranpo’s eyes shot open wide as he quickly glance on his right, blinking his eyes when his vision blurred as he felt a frail arms hooked on his own. His head swivel towards Fukuzawa’s table whose not alone anymore, accompanied by a man in an elegant suit; the same familiar (H/C) locks welcomes his sight, warm and vibrant under the chandelier lights as he huffed an air through his mouth.

No matter what the outcome of the adults’ conversation will be, Ranpo knew this will be your last straw. His fingers ghostly wrapping around your own as you shift in your slumber, unconsciously tightening your grip on his warm hands. No matter how Ranpo thinks of countless solutions, it will never change; a child’s power in this cruel world, no matter how intelligent they are — without a mother and father — will only fall apart.

Especially, how your father is definitely one of most powerful man with authority, given by how he suddenly looked so intimidating and domineering as he intently stare at Fukuzawa.

This man... will definitely won’t hesitate to use law against Fukuzawa.

“Edogawa...san?” He heard you murmured, voice gentle as he looked down at you, “What‘s bothering you?”

“The fact that you're sleeping peacefully while I can't feel my shoulders by now.” Ranpo huffed with a pout, all in while masking his concern to the current situation as he could feel the tension going on a certain table.

“Huh...?” You shifted a little when you realized, cheeks heating up for unknown reasons you can’t identify as you realized your finger were intertwined. “Sorry.”

Fukuzawa’s silver eyes averted to them as he met Ranpo’s before the younger one nudge his head to the side, a signal in which, Fukuzawa doesn’t seem to catch on. He averted his gaze to the man in front of him who claimed himself your father, yet you seemed to give a single care when you kept yourself close to Ranpo despite the embarrassment that you felt earlier.

“Hey, (Name),” Ranpo whispered as he glanced through the entrance and exit of the restaurant for a sign of bodyguards or men in suit standing outside for any future casualties. He grabbed your wrist with a firm grip, warm fingertips engulfing your cold ones. “If you were to choose, will you go back to your old life with your father?”

He felt your whole body halt with his question, your relaxed arm became tense in his grip as your mouth fell open in disbelief. Your mind surges with thoughts swirling in your mind — the thought of Fukuzawa and Ranpo bringing you back to your biological father’s den like a rabbit on a lion’s cage dominated your thoughts as you flinched when Ranpo tugged you back to reality. He pursed his lips when he saw how your lips trembled and threatening to scream.

You yanked your wrist away from him, causing you to stumble to your feet as you scrambled, losing balance. A shriek escapes your lips as a glass breaking sound resonates in your ears; you fell down in a pile of broken glass underneath as you hissed.

“(Name)!” You could hear the faux concern lacing on his voice as you gritted your teeth. What is that all about?! Is Ranpo plotting something? You figured by how you could identify his mischievousness by his voice. “Are you alright?!”

You scrunched your nose in process when he kept his voice that way.

“Hey, Sir! She’s blind, can’t you see? We need to bring her to the hospital.”

Fukuzawa finally realized the look Ranpo gave him earlier.

You kissed your teeth together as you grabbed into Ranpo’s dark cape, tugging him to help you up in hurry. You felt some of the broken glass had prickled in the sheer skin of your flesh — realizing how incredibly thin the fabric of your longsleeve dress that stops below knee.

One thing Ranpo noticed about your attitude is your lack of patience in everything.

Fukuzawa watched when a huddle of people crowded the two children as he pursed his lips.

“What happened? (Name)? (Name)!” (L/N) had tried to call his daughter’s name, that to his dismay, had already disappeared from the midst of the crowds. Fukuzawa’s eyes averted to the door exit as he saw Ranpo scurries out of the restaurant carrying (Name) on his back. He mentally facepalmed.

He‘s definitely going to give Ranpo a good scolding later.

“Edogawa-san!” You yelled his name — the very first time he heard you ever raised your voice as your arm wrapped around his neck for support, the other one were clutching on his black locks in annoyance, his dark tresses surprisingly soft while his cap sat securily on top of your head instead. “Slow down! What’s the rush for?!”

Your voice were high-pitched, almost breathless even though you were not the one running and carrying another weight on your back as he huffed a breath. There’s no reply on his end as you shrieked when he run a little faster, your hand toppled on his hair were instantly removed when you felt his hat almost falling off your head; he warned you not to lose it or he’s gonna drop you off of his back.

You huffed as the cold breeze of air hits your supple skin that was exposed, the small cuts on your skin due to the broken glass aches a little, but you can manage. You have no idea what’s this boy running from, but you could definitely feel the adrenaline rush on his veins.

“Sorry for asking you that question earlier. I know you would react that way and I have to put on a show to distract them.” Ranpo’s fevered and out of breath words reached your ears despite the wind harshly blowing in your direction because of his speed. You never thought he could run this fast like this, though maybe it was just you and your unathletic stamina.

But, can’t he tell you what’s really happening atleast?!

“Edogawa-san, where are we going?” You asked, out of breath, despite him carrying you, you could feel his exhaustion runs wildly on his body, the exposed skin of his neck forming sweat as it trickles where your arms are hooked for support.

Ranpo doesn’t answer, roaming his opened eyes around as he abruptly stopped when he realized his surroundings; dark and empty with not even a single soul or human in the streets, the flickering lights of lamppost made it more darker and eerie. He could only hear his own breathing, two heartbeats, and the soft breaths from you near his ears that made his skin and flesh tremble.

You didn’t say a word too; the defeaning silence pierce both of your ears as you grip on Ranpo’s uniform, creasing the fabric in your fist. You could feel the hesitation and fear run his whole system.

(Name), what are you doing?

Ranpo pondered in his head as he stepped back a few times before turning around completely, walking back where he ran earlier just to confirm something. He was quiet and so are you — completey and engulfed in a silence that if he ever make noises, he might as well die. Ranpo can’t go back now — not when Fukuzawa is really eager to take you with them; to change your life into a better one like he did to Ranpo. Though, it seems like the scarf in your eyes wouldn’t make any changes to you.

Ranpo stopped on his tracks again as he vaugely realized; he’s been walking on the same path — the buildings and infrastructures never changed as the flickering lamppost he saw earlier never changed as though playing games and surging him on to be completely insane.

“Edogawa-san,” You called out his name as his ears rang, his breath rigid when your voice falters in a quiet hymn, as if lullabying him into sleep, luring him into slumber until he falls asleep — yet he fought the urge to fell in the tips of your fingers, or to sleep at the melody of your voice as though he will be laying on a bed of roses forgetting its thorns that will pierce in his body.

Are you playing with him? Is this part or your insanity? Your mercy? Is this the part where he’ll regret everything he did to save you away from the grasp of the man who you called father who did nothing but to make you suffer enough in the liue of chemicals and the artificiality of your veins that made your mind sharper but crazier. He vaugely knew everything, though your intuitions and intentions were still unknown to him, atleast he knew what your condition as he could be any help.

“Do you see a hospital building?”

Ranpo swivel his head around as he faced a building painted in white walls as he mindlessly nodded.

“You wanna know the real me, right?” Your voice falters yet again as you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face on the crook of his shoulder as you sighed. “I’d like to make you see everything of me within my ability. I’d like you to understand why I’m doing this. Our physical bodies were unconscious right now, this only place within the consciousness of our minds. You cannot be seen, therefore you can explore.”

And, as if in a flick of fingers, Ranpo is now inside the building — a room with white walls and bright light that blinds him as he stills, emerald eyes widening as he stared of what‘s in front of him.

You and mirrors.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

#bsd fics #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd fanfic #bungou stray dogs x reader #[❤️; niko’s series]#bsd ranpo #ranpo edogawa #ranpo x reader #ranpo x you #ranpo x y/n #bungou stray dogs ranpo #bungou sd #bungou stray dogs fic

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mooredanxieties · 5 months

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HANNIBAL THE CANNIBAL

The trial of Dr. Hannibal Lecter revealed to the public another side of a man who was a respected member of proper society in Baltimore. A man who was respected as one of the most brilliant psychiatric minds among his peers. A man who was a gourmand and often entertained society's elite at soirees where they wined and dined on expertly prepared exotic dishes prepared by the host himself. A man who worked as a psychological profiler for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. A man who was in fact the notorious Chesapeake Ripper. An infamous serial killer with a murderous career as shocking as it it prolific. The trial of Dr. Lecter- shocking as it was, was only the beginning of the disturbing story of the man who became known as Hannibal the Cannibal. This book is a deep psychiatric assessment from the very Doctor who worked with Dr. Lecter as well as knew him once as a friend. A revealing study of what cause Lecter to torture and kill the people around him. What caused him to even eat his victims and feed them to unknowing house guests. A perfect storm of brilliance, violence and psychotic behavior that resulted in one of the worst serial killers in history. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Frederick Chilton is a doctor of psychiatry and author having written several papers that have been published in prestigious publications such as the American Journal of Psychiatry and Psychiatric Medicine Today. He began his career soon after graduating from Harvard University by starting his own practice where is was able to treat people with a great measure of success. He soon became a fellow at the Harvard School of Psychiatric Medicine where he continued to study and publish in his field. Dr. Chilton soon became a specialist in criminal psychology and was a consultant and advisor in the Criminal Court of Maryland. He most recently has been working as the Hospital Director of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane where he worked directly with and studied Dr. Lecter himself. "In his book - HANNIBAL THE CANNIBAL, Dr. Chilton presents a chilling and disturbingly intimate profile of a man who is equally brilliant and insane. A compelling read" - Arthur Billings, REVIEW MONTHLY

#nbc hannibal #hannibal lecter #frederick chilton #hannibal props

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necronatural · 1 year

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Here's my romantic fantasy comics impressions:

Broken ankle in a crystal cave pure grade woobie

"I'm going to be an EVIL CUNT" -girl who is a perfect little bleeding heart angel

Male lead or father who spoils her an insane amount

Paternalistic men (BIG ONE)

Cold Duke Of The North

Insane Madlad Bloodthirsty Demon Emperor (she meets the emperor and he's just normal)

Villainess Protagonist meets perfect little angel heroine and has deep psychological trauma about it that the heroine inadvertently aggrevates for story length

Misogynistic comments about perfect little angel characters

Memory loss, manipulated memories, and false memories

Protagonist is the specialist girl who ever lived but only when she's become so entrenched in the plot she literally needs the added relevance to keep her pov interesting (shounen manga principle)

Second male leads who are sweet and nice and princely and primary male leads who are tortured and standoffish and wrapped around his girl's finger (this impression is so strong that a story can end with no pairings and you're still like "yeah this dude would have lost hardcore")

Recurring theme of boyfriends who are like animals (wolf, cat, dog the big 3)

Trust issues that last 60 chapters causing delicious psychological torment

That one panel where the wind is blowing through her vivacious locks which she pushes back and she's so beautiful smiling so purely in the moonlight despite her circumstances, making the love interest/her dad realizes how valuable she truly is

Women be fainting and tripping and are bedridden for days

#i speak like this yet eat it up like a dog.

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whumpitlikeyoumeanit · 1 year

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Teaching Moment

((Content warning: Beating, Control / Forced violence))

((Promptspiration: @week-of-whump 2023: October 11: Reluctant Whumper / "Hit them harder." ))

Whumpee: Draco // Lucius

Whumper: Lucius // Voldemort

Caretaker: --

Whump type: Beating / Domination / Psychological

Fic type: "Prisoners in Malfoy Manor" alternate history

((words: ~1600))

------------------------------------

"It seems the boy doesn't learn. Lucius?"

There was a sensation of laughter around the table of Death Eaters, although nothing quite audible, more of a smirk hanging in the air. Silently, he pushed himself to his feet. He saw Draco clench his jaw, but he didn't try to argue his way out of it. Maybe he actually was learning.

He quietly held out his hand for Narcissa's wand. She was resistant; she didn't want to contribute to Draco's torture. He couldn't blame her, but they both knew he had no choice. If he didn't, someone else would do something much worse. She did finally pull her wand from her sleeve after a delay that, hopefully, the others around the table didn't notice.

Their master interrupted. "That won't be necessary, Lucius."

He stopped with his hand just on her wand and looked up. "My lord...?"

"You won't need that." He tilted his head slightly toward the wand. "Punish him."

Lucius went still. Punish him. He meant 'hit him'.

"You're familiar, aren't you?" His voice was coldly amused. Privately amused; the Dark Lord and Narcissa were the only ones in the room who knew exactly how familiar he was with the concept. "Or do you need a reminder? Mulciber?" He glanced down the table toward their smirking Imperius specialist.

...It would be easier to be Imperiused. He wouldn't have to know what he was doing. Maybe he should let them...

But Mulciber had been a sadist with the Imperius even before he went to Azkaban for fifteen years; his creative tortures were what he was known for during the first war. Now, after giving Dementors fifteen years of his life, he was broken in some way, little more now than a vehicle for sadism. There was no telling what he might make him do if he had him under his control.

"No," he said, and stepped around the table.

Draco was controlling his reactions, but had still developed a little frown between his brows. He was an admittedly-spoiled boy from a good Pureblood family, sheltered and insulated from the dirty realities of a rougher life. He had seen and experienced terrible, bloody, even unforgivable curses... but physical violence? Even when he saw it, it was something that belonged to the Muggles and the brutes, not their kind. It was so far outside his reality he couldn't even comprehend. He didn't even really understand to be afraid.

Lucius wished that didn't have to change.

He stepped in front of Draco. Draco took a subtle breath and lifted his chin, trying to say he was ready. He didn't realise this would be easier for him if he didn't try to be strong.

He backhanded Draco across the face without giving him any more time to prepare.

Draco gasped sharply and held his face, turned away, while the others in the room cheered or jeered. Someone hooted, but Bellatrix called out "Weak!"

In a second, Draco recovered his wits and stood straight again; he sought his eyes again, but this time he seemed uncertain, seeking reassurance he only wished he could provide. There was a smear of blood and an uneven scratch on Draco's cheekbone; it seemed his ring, the same signet ring Draco wore, had caught into his cheek and cut him. It was unintentional, but maybe that blood would satisfy them...

"Well?" The Dark Lord behind him sounded almost bored.

Of course. Because he didn't mean 'hit him'. He meant 'hit him until I tell you to stop'.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning his ring around to face his palm in the only act of mercy he could provide.

It had to be real; there were enough of them there that would know if it were not. So he didn't hold back, much, when he punched Draco in the stomach. He caught him by the shoulder when he doubled over, wheezing, forced him back up and held him in place so he could punch him in the face. Now the Death Eaters were entertained.

It wasn't a fair contest. Even if Draco were fighting back -- even if Draco knew how to fight back -- he was smaller, weaker, softer. He might not be a child anymore, but he wasn't a man, either; he was just a boy taking his first exploratory steps into a life of violence he thought he wanted, without a real appreciation of what it meant. Stress had made him sickly, and, if it could be said Azkaban had done the same to his father, well, they hadn't been starting from the same place.

Draco twisted out of his hand, backing away a step, holding his stomach and ducking his head, trying to catch his breath. He kept one arm raised defensively, like he could hide behind it. Apparently they had already found the limit of his resolve.

"I get it," Draco panted. "I won't do it again." Behind them, one of the Lestranges laughed something about his endurance, and Draco flushed, but didn't look.

"What do you think, Lucius?" the Dark Lord asked languidly. "Has he learned his lesson?"

He watched Draco expressionlessly; Draco was looking at him furtively, like he didn't want to be seen watching. "I believe so, my lord," he said evenly.

"Do you?" He knew by the amused tone that that was the wrong answer. "I doubt it."

He didn't have to be directed to carry on. And Draco was smart enough to understand it. He stepped up to grab him, and Draco automatically tried to step back out of his reach, but he wasn't quick enough. He grabbed his arm and yanked him back into his fist. He tried to avoid his face, but when Draco doubled over to protect his ribs he didn't have much choice.

Their audience laughed and cheered. "Maybe the old Lucius is still in there," Rabastan commented. "Underneath all that domestication."

Draco managed to pull away from him, sporting a split lip and a livid red mark over the side of his face that would bruise spectacularly. "Stop!" he snapped, backing away, because his instinct when he couldn't handle something was to try to give orders. That was a bad instinct here.

His walking stick was flicked to him; he caught it by instinct, and then he stared at it in his hand. And so it was -- the transformation was complete. If he followed through with this silent command, the Dark Lord had fully turned him into his father.

Draco shook his head, pulling away. "Don't..." he begged quietly.

He would give anything to have a choice.

There was the slightest tremble in his hand holding the stick, until he willed it away. He had to focus not on that he couldn't be doing this, but that he must.

He brought the cane down across his ribs. Draco didn't have the experience or the instincts to properly protect himself; he kept leaving himself open, exposing vulnerable points that must occasionally be exploited. Finally, Draco fell to his knees and half sprawled on the floor under a final blow that clipped him in the side of the head.

Stay down, he pleaded mentally. Stay down and let this be over.

But he didn't. Draco slowly pushed himself up on his arms, breath shaking and keeping his face down, but still trying. He was too stubborn.

Or too dutiful... He thought that getting up again was what was expected of him. A strangling hand clenched around Lucius' heart.

The only thing he could think to do to keep him down, he stepped firmly on his hand, and at Draco's pained hiss, he brought the stick down across his side and back again. There was a wet crunch he felt more than heard; it had happened too quickly, he didn't know if it was his hand or his arm, but something had broken.

With a cry, Draco bowed tightly over his hand toward the floor, shielding his head, no longer trying.

The stick came down on the exposed back of his neck, for good measure.

"That will do, Lucius," the Dark Lord interrupted, tone light and amused. "We can't have you killing the boy." Bellatrix tittered amongst the other amused reactions; that sound in particular grated.

"As you wish, my lord." His voice sounded empty to his own ears. He stepped back. Draco didn't move. He was huddled on the floor, hiding his head, trying to be a small target -- he was learning after all. A few drops of blood were appearing on the floor in front of him.

There was no consideration of helping him, even to stand. Any hint of kindness toward his son would be weakness for them to exploit. Any, any emotion would give them a way in. He couldn't give them that. He couldn't show anything. All of the hatred, the rage, the dark memories, the disgust and shame and fear and looming despair that turned his blood to ice, he methodically isolated and packed away into a small corner of his mind where even the Dark Lord would have to try to find it, where he could hold it at bay and focus. Where they could not make his hands shake or make him sick or make him hit something far more deserving.

If they could be convinced that he did not care, they would have no reason to do it again.

Calling on thirty years of Occlumency and forty years of self-restraint, he calmly wiped blood from the serpent-handle of the cane and his ring which had worked its way back around at some point, and turned away from Draco.

His hands ached.

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dark-elf-writes · 1 year

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Some random bastard that told Aki “she” would look better if “she” smiled more: I have met Satans most loyal demons and they wear orange, pink, and blue.

IF THEY MISGENDERED AKI GOD

They would redefine psychological torture. The things those three children pull would make even the T&I specialists shudder. Team Seven goes from a heavy hitting combat team to a T&I specialist team after the horrors of that day.

The next morning they all look so sweet and innocent. Aki grounds them on principle even if he isn’t fully sure what they did.

#the elf talks #naruto #red lights and fox fire au

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raisindave · 4 months

Text

[Chapter 41] Seeing the World Through Ballistic-Tinted Glasses

Content Warning: Descriptions of violence, death and torture.

"Bravo 0-7, going dark," Ghost called into his radio before shutting it off entirely, causing the impending apprehension in your gut to lurch.

Gold sand conceded under a sprawling concrete hydroelectric dam, long abandoned. The perfect quiet place to forcefully elicit some dialogue from the writhing subject in the back seat. It was a monolith of smoothed stone that blotted out the sun as you approached the barely recognizable parking lot, now caked with a thick layer of sand. Years of idling left the entrance barricaded by orange rust and pale blue-green moss, and another protest from the bound guest in the back seat concurred with the vehicle grinding to a halt.

A thin shower of rust and dust showered the top of your head as you ducked past the half-cracked steel door. Tall concrete walls rose to uphold a domed metal roof, supported by long black beams that stretched and occasionally collapsed under the colossal size. This building was massive, vast and echoey, where the eroded concrete had a unique capacity to reverberate every footstep. It wasn't even worth offering assistance to Ghost in this initial setup phase, as he had no problem slumping the 200-pound man over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. It seems wiser to just steer clear, giving you an excellent opportunity to take in the scenery.

A family of birds scuttled away at the sound of your approaching footsteps, fleeing out of one of the many shattered windows that occasionally graced the barren stone. At one point there must have been a reception desk and executive offices over on the far end where a small forest of feral foliage has set up residence. The guest calling your poor lieutenant a flurry of slurs brought your attention to him being fastened into a metal armchair from a stack near the door. More zip-ties buckled him into place at the wrist and ankle to his new throne. Those military-grade plastic zip-ties are shockingly sturdy; they definitely aren't for your garden-variety cable management.

"What kind of questions do I even ask?" you asked Ghost, folding your arms over your chest as you sauntered to take in the view before you.

To your dismay, a cold, dark glare in your direction implied his distaste for hand-holding you in this process, making you roll your eyes the second his attention rediverted to securing the writhing man. Maybe he's forgotten that torture isn't in the standard repertoire of a linguistic specialist, and they forgot to teach those skills between your Psycholinguistics and Morphology lessons. Still, common sense suggested you'd ask about his boss and their operations, but he didn't have to be such a cunt about it.

"Names and Locations. Methods are secondary, motives are tertiary." He spoke, dragging a screeching metal table over the cracked tile with an ear-splitting whine.

You'd expected his glare to be the end of it. At least he had the courtesy to give you an actual answer, giving you a clearer indication than the initial starting questions that were bubbling in your mind. Still, he's always going out of his way to be an asshole.

"Tap one finger to decrease pressure, two to ramp it up," Ghost loomed over you as you were lost in thought, feeling his body shield beaming sunlight with his size.

"Understood," you nod, refolding your arms so that your fingers are visible on your bicep.

The sound of metal crashing on metal snapped you into the present as Ghost slammed an inky Glock onto the shambling metal table alongside a warped jerrycan of what you assumed was water. You can only pray this guy complies sooner rather than later, saving him from the physical anguish and you from the psychological. One last nod was shared between you two, and those bone-patterned gloves whipped off the burlap onion bag off the head of the protesting target. A mat of scruffy hair slumps forward, whinging against his restraints as you kneel before him. Instantly, the man you'd decided to affectionately name Charlie settled his gaze on Ghost. And he was right to do so. From now on, the lieutenant would be the angel of pain for this poor soul, the harbinger of his undoing.

"Hello," you spoke in his familiar tongue, making him snap from his locked gaze on Ghost to meet your eyes.

"Fuck your mother," he spat back in Arabic, lunging against his restraints as if he would've thrashed you. Fortunately for you, you had no particular need to uphold your mother's name.

"That's not a good way to start this conversation," you cooed, praying that he won't see your bold-faced lie of feigned confidence. "It's a simple trade," you stood, "you give me information about your bosses, and I'll stop Ghost here from making your nightmares come true."

Charlie curled his moustached lip in disgust, light brown eyes flashing with raw wrath. Even still, with his hostile posture toward you, those eyes still flickered to follow your partner's skeletal mask with every pacing step he took. Ghost had no idea what was being said between you two, but it didn't take a linguist to translate the immediate fear this man had of your comrade.

"I won't tell you fucking anything," he spat at your feet, silently making a pang of sadness sing in your gut.

Rocking on your heels, you rolled your neck, tapping two fingers on your upper arm. It was the signal Ghost needed to step into Charlie's peripheral with a heavy bootstrap. Feebly, he held his ground, looking past his furrowed brows to meet Ghost's masked death stare. Instantly, he was writhing against his restraints as he approached, a hulking presence representing his new god for the next while.

"I was sincerely hoping you wouldn't say that," you frown.

Raising your eyes to your comrade, you signalled with two tapping fingers on your arm to ramp up the pressure. A crack against his jaw wipes that stoicism off his face really quick. Your comrade had slammed his fist into his face for a second time, though at least he had the wisdom to aim for the jaw lest he lose any cognitive function from a blow to the upper skull. That's the kind of instinct that comes from experience. A spatter of pink spit coupled next to the first on the grungy tile, and Ghost again turned to collect an item from the table. Whenever you felt lingering uneasiness manifest in your gut, you willed your mind to remember the stolen futures of all those graves in the dunes. Futures stolen by his regime. Futures stolen by this man who just won't talk. Yet.

"Who gave you the orders to shoot those test subjects?" Your mouth twisted, staring down at him. "That coal quarry with all the forced chemical tests, the one you were fleeing," you corrected.

"I'm not telling you shit," he bit back, snickering and rolling his jaw.

Bad answer. Another tap, two fingers. Ghost lept into action. It all happened so fast, making your stomach heave as you processed his intention. Due to a lack of preparation, your comrade was forced to improvise his extraction methods. This meant making him resort to more physical techniques rather than relying on a tool. Unfortunately for Charlie, the lieutenant had cracked one of his fingers like a glowstick between those black and white gloves. A scream ripped through the concrete chasm. You steadied your guard, refusing the bubbling bile back down your throat.

"Let's try that again," you continued, "which Sepratist gave you the order to shoot them?"

He took a second to calm down his hysterics, and you caught a glimpse of wickedly bent fingers shattered in every wrong direction. It'd make you heave if you had any food left in your stomach. This is dirty, evil work. Even if it's for a greater purpose.

"N-nobody," he dodged your gaze, slumping away from Ghost's presence over his shoulder as he refused to meet your face.

You clicked your tongue disapprovingly, kneeling before him to force his gaze to meet yours. He was pale, but still full of fight. He was so fiercely defending these warlords like a whipped dog, stoic and full of poison.

"Wrong answer," you clicked your tongue disapprovingly, "You could walk free if you just give us your boss’ names."

He rolled his head away from you once again, giving you enough of an answer to rise and side-eye your grim shadow's prowling. He had a way of lurking around passively while you two spoke in Arabic, waiting obediently for the next order. Another two-finger tap, and in a split second, he whipped Charlie's chair backwards on its two back legs, tilting it to lay flat on the ground. The words that poured out of him were everything but answers. And as Ghost was preparing the canister of water, you caught a glimpse under his arm bandages; pink streams of scratch marks. That was an easy sign to solidify your resolve. Those were the telltale woulds of someone's final resistance to being strangled. They were the last plea from a dying soul under this man's crushing grip- likely the son or daughter of one of those jaded faces you'd passed in town. Those were the bandaged hands of a brute, of a killer. It made it so much easier to watch your comrade slip a dusty sheet over his mouth and pour glugging water over his gasping mouth. Water torture is so particularly brutal because it's entirely psychological. His drowned screams and wheezes echo through the vast compound, reminding distant families of birds and rodents of this man's hysterical anguish.

"Who gave you the orders!" you screamed over his sputtering coughing, making sure your shrill voice was loud and clear.

Ghost whipped him back into an upright position, heaving and spitting water- he politely whipped the damp cloth back off his red, gasping face. He sank into his chair when gravity was back in a familiar position. With shattered fingers and a heaving chest, this guy should look miserable. Yet, of all things, the most prominent emotion you could read was sheer terror. Every time your dancing partner walked around him, the target would buckle and heave in his chair, contorting against his restraints to creep as far as possible from his presence. You found it oddly relatable. Still, it was beyond clear: he's fucking terrified of Ghost. He's like a dog with his tail between his legs, cowering at the suggestion of his presence with his gargantuan shadow.

If vinegar won't work, honey will. It's time to change gears. At least now he's broken in. Another tap, one finger. Slow it down, Ghostie.

"Why are you protecting these warlords?" you willed your voice to be soft, sympathetic, and warm.

"Th-they have my children," he sputtered, finally a word of truth after a long silence.

"Don't you see what they're doing to the people in Al Mazrah? You know, it's a razor-thin line between your kids and all those dead kids your bosses put in the desert," you spat.

"This is me bringing them into a better world, " he spewed through barred teeth.

"Is that what they're telling you? Are you too fucking slow to see who truly benefits from a martial state in Al Mazrah?" The words were laced with venom as they slipped from your coarse throat.

A sinking silence fell over the unsettlingly open area. It felt like a vast ocean around you, where your meek presence at the sheltered base of this dam was like a spec in the infinity of space. It was so unnervingly grand that it could make the nerves stand on end if you had the strength to consider that horror. You could feel Ghost's dark eyes watching your movement like a wolf, obediently and dutifully waiting for your command to feast on more dripping red meat, and he was practically licking his chops in anticipation.

"Just kill me already," he asserted, grinning with a crooked nose.

"Oh no, this isn't stopping until you give us names. Good names."

"Oh yeah? And how are you going to know that they're good names," he snickered.

"We have inside sources," you lied behind a composed smirk.

Straightening your back, you watched him slumping those grungy locks back over, defeated. It felt like you were close. The honey is working, and surely Laswell would reluctantly comply if you promised his family's protection. That could be the last push to wring out the crucial answers that can make the Separatists come undone and start to work on undoing all those wrongs. Although it might be impossible to undo the chemical tests they inflicted on unwilling civilians at that quarry or the hundreds of graveless souls in those sandy hills, anything would be a start. Elongating shadows and a holy golden glow cast the view out the cracked windows into a brilliant vista, where streaming sunbeams caught dancing dust in the disrupted air.

That's when you heard a sound you were entirely unprepared to hear. You blinked in disbelief as you looked over your shoulder at him, but there he was. Laughing. Laughing like a fucking hyena, with blood pouring over his teeth. A shared look with Ghost confirmed your suspicion, and there was an unsettling energy in the atoms around you. His bellowing laughter made your skin crawl, and the look in his eyes was utterly soulless.

"You dumb fucking whore," he spat, trickling blood from licked teeth, slumping forward in his seat.

He looked like he was about to say something else, but another roaring cackle interrupted his speech. The air was stagnant and rank, heavy with the thick smell of blood, developing an unsettling chill as the peak of the afternoon's heat promised an upcoming biting cold. This man was broken, shattered beyond recognition. Between a rock and a hard place, except the rock is an active threat against his family, and the hard place is Ghost's oath to splinter more bones if he doesn't cooperate. It's his laughing that won't stop, despite the bubbling first few syllables of sentences in their infancy trickling between cackles.

"We've been in your radio since Verdansk," he roared, eyes wild and crazed. "We've heard every word you dumb cunts have said for months. Us and- and the Russians," he could barely get the last words out before he erupted into hooting laughter.

Cold shock hit your face, furrowing your brow. Blinking in confusion, you felt prickling anxiety and dread creep up your spine at the onset of his unsettling words. Fingernails started to dig into your palms as if he'd inflicted some personal slight. Most of all, confusion.

"The air raid we called will be hitting your team any second," he squealed, voice cracking under the strain of cackling, "all your SAS buddies and the bitch are getting blown sky high."

The horrifying reality surged through chilled blood, pumping ripping thoughts into you once your heartbeat continued. It's the Russian Cartel; they're partnered with the Russian Cartel! It's how they knew to start the attack the minute you stepped into that stadium in Verdansk. It's how they knew to cut their transmission on that USB as soon as you got it- the Arabic-speaking transmission. It's how they knew you were on their trail after the London attacks. It's how they knew what Basmala said and to come after her so immediately. It's how they knew you were coming to the quarry so they could slip out in time. Hell, it's how they know exactly where to send this new torrent of hellfire to maximize your squad's casualties. You were so close to the truth the whole time, it was all right there.

Every emotion you've ever felt, duty, wrath, pride, jealousy, fear, and despair crashed into your consciousness in a matter of two seconds flat. A piercing chill made your face drain of all heat, feeling your face soften in shock. There wasn't even time to think about what you were doing, the words just lept from your throat.

"Radio- Radio now!" You cried in English, making Ghost flinch in confusion.

The man in the chair continues his maniacal howling, rocking back and forth against his restraints. He rolled his thumb to realign the radio's frequency, unclicking the device from his shoulder warily to place in your hand. Instantly, the radio blared to life, sending squealing interference through the device.

"Mayday, Mayday, Mayday," you wailed hopelessly into the black device, "All Bravo, Actual, incoming air raid on your location, they have our radios tapped!"

You turned to look at him, but he was already boring into you. Ghost's eyes were suddenly fierce as he, too, began to grapple with the situation over a symphony of belligerent laughing. You begged and prayed for an answer—anything, any sort of signal to prove that your comrades weren't currently ignited by the promised threat. You were just about to click the radio for another call, feeling fumbling, slick fingertips sliding over the button, when a voice cut through.

"Say again, Cricket? " Price spoke. His tone was stern and confused.

Despite the momentary relief, your heart still hammered in your chest as you could barely muster the strength to meet Ghost's hard eyes with muscles this weak.

"They're sending an airstrike to the quarry and the observatory, you have to get o-"

"We've got some warbirds coming in from the west, flying low," Farah's voice crashed over yours. "Coming fast."

"Understood," Laswell's voice made your heart soften as you could hear the sound of fumbling equipment through her mic.

"Farah, help get Laswell out." He commanded harshly, his tone immediately shifting into action.

It's a level of panic you've never entirely felt before. Crumbling confidence, absolute terror. It almost felt like one of those dreams where you're falling, seconds from the ground, except you're in a perpetual state of being an instant away from being utterly obliterated by the incoming ground. Ghost's hand charged into your peripheral, gruffly snatching his radio from your numbing fingertips.

"If they have us bugged, we all have to go dark," he called, low and sharp.

"All Bravo, cut comms," Price concurred, hearing the huffing breaths of someone in a dead sprint. "Bravo 0-7, route to the safehouse, bunker down and wait for the countersign."

"Roger," Ghost responded flat and dutifully, meeting the intensity in your face.

Just before he slipped the radio shut, the gut-wrenching sound of a deafening explosion tore through the speakers, clearly sparked alive in the commotion from someone's frequency. Your stomach lurched to your throat, hearing the last chirp of whatever hell was being wrought upon your allies one last time. For good measure, the batteries were pried from the device's innards. A single shaggy breath since you'd spoken left your lungs burning for oxygen, but the paralyzing anxiety forbade the indulgence.

Crippling despair crushed your bones, raising your shoulders and making your face go pale. It's not fair. It's not fair that this guy gets to take the fall for sick warlords who want to bring this proud town to its knees, all for their financial gain, thinly veiled as a people's revolution. Heat sparks in you like a cheap lighter. Spite and wrath, hatred at his patheticness, disgust. Lightheaded dread changed gears in dragging seconds, and you felt your face harden. Volcanic hate seared behind your eyes as your vision raked over those pink tracks on his forearms from desperate fingernails, pleading for mercy. No, you don't get mercy.

Once numb fingers found the grip of the Ghost's Glock on the sleek metal table, heavy but familiar. Your lip curled, and so did your finger around the dark trigger. Another hand slipped to cock the gun, a satisfying click went almost unheard under your thunderous heartbeat. Vision went dark with fury, and the look in the face of the crazed, cackling patron was a visage of satisfaction at your despair. All in a matter of seconds, your arm swung the pistol with a locked elbow, making a red flower bloom between his eyes. The deafening crack of a spent shell left you feeling your teeth consider splitting under your iron-clenched jaw.

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