#Questioning system

[monachopsis111]

guys please we need consistent fronts please im begging on my hands and knees guy guys stop fronting and then dipping for months

[tr8ble]

this

Apparently this needs to be said so

Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!

You're not a bad person if you...

forget things quickly

forget people

can't remember entire stages of your life

can't remember important things

can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time

can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests

forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc

forget to reply to texts

remember things and immediately forget them again

can't remember birthdays, events, etc

frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions

can't retain new information

forget things you used to know

only remember things when it's too late

have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories

depend on others to know how an event you were in played out

have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa

... and anything else I might have missed!

[syscultureis]

questioning system culture is feeling like instead of a switch im just melding into someone else and getting really blurry (seriously what is UP WITH THAT)

.

[finnslay]

[saturns-rings-sys]

Octocon is a new app for systems. It's traumacentric and made by traumagenic systems. It also has a discord bot that is a lot easier to use than pk in my opinion. You can also sync your app and the bot so you can edit alters in the app. The app is on android already and coming to IOS soon. Hope this helps some people :)

(If you're in a server, I recommend adding this bot as more people are starting to use it instead of pk and tupperbox)

Apologies for any confusion, turns out they have a neutral stance on non traumagenic systems.

[demiratdre]

thinking ” systems are too rare so i can’t be a system ! “ to being a system pipeline .

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[snow-on-mtsilver]

us(a questioning non-disordered system) when an anti-endo follows our main account (which has no signs proving which side of syscourse we're on or what our origins are)

[loser-pet]

am I a system?? idk man, but sometimes it really feels like it. like, I’ll be thinking of a question, and a bunch of little voices will give out random imputs or a hesitant answer, and I’ll be like “wait is that right?” and hey, it is! or I’ll be questioning pronouns, and some part of me will really like it, while another part of me feels super weird being referred to by that pronoun.

if I am, I’m most likely monoconscience or some kind of median system? idk, still need to do research. I’m definitely not traumagenic (at least I’m pretty sure I’m not). I also don’t really experience switches either (if that’s what they’re called), and I’m happy with being the only host (that is, if I am a system).

to me, it’s more like being a streamer and having a bunch of people watching you play a game or go about your life or something; they can give imput and ask questions/give answers and have conversations, but you as the streamer don’t know everything about the people in your stream, and the people watching can’t take control of the streamer’s gameplay or their actions irl. (I even call the voices in my head “chat” to be silly lol)

any systems feel free to leave your imput or advice about more research or ways to confirm/deny possible plurality! I’d really appreciate it :)

[monachopsis111]

singlets need to get a grip,

we are not something broken

we do not need to tell you who is fronting

we do not need to tell you our names

we do not need to tell you our roles

we do not need to tell you our traumas

we do not need to tell you anything.

[cactusmaractus]

also, quick question before i sleep,

do headspace appearances just- appear? or do you fabricate them yourself?

my headspace (?) is just kinda a white void i visualize whoevers fronting looks like (no cofront / cocon people yet though). its usually just them 'appearing' but i really only check it when im sure i know what i vaguely look like, for example fictives. but, we've had 1 alter who just checked without knowing what theyd look like and,,, the appearance just happened.

i think im just being paranoid about being wrong unfortunately, and i have no idea what ill see there ... and im pretty sure you dont fabricate them but i asked anyways because of paranoia ... oops

but anyways, better question - can you change how you appear in headspace? one of my friends mentioned the ability to change clothes and stuff but what about everything else?

sorry about the rant. i tend to do that on this blog

[cat-doggy]

I did a redraw

Note that all of my identities aren't in the new drawing

And yes I'm still questioning if I/we(?) are a system oof-

Old:

[finnslay]

Headspace lore is so real

Feel free to reblog with a random, our of context peoce of headspace lore it you want

(No fake claiming please)

[hyrulecollective]

I have a genuine question for time fans

What is it about my/times appearance that you all find attractive? It's a serious question

-Time

[helens-y2k-dream]

What am I? Who knows? I sure don't. All I know is that I'm a robot chicken and I'm here to make you smile 🩷

This blog is a safe space for all, so please be kind 🌈

Anti radqueer Helen icon: 🎀

Main: @mintyscuriocabinet