#Rather than enacting someone else's

[kidokear]

Gabv1el nation! Please, hear me out.

inhale

Gabriel calling V1 'my light'.

[byproducts-of-my-imagination]

Everyone Hates Todo Except You

The best part about Todo is that you don’t have to put yandere in front of him because his normal behavior already screams delusional and obsessive.   You cannot convince me that he doesn’t sniff all your things as soon as you’re not looking.  He’s just so intense.  I love this man, need to catch up on jjk.

~1k words. Thank you to whoever requested this and I hope you enjoy!

At the Kyoto branch, nobody really bothers sticking their nose in Todo’s business.  But when there’s an enormous mound of trash bags outside his room that just keeps getting bigger, concerning glances and eyebrow raises no longer cut it.  Normally his antics earn a side eye or two, but lately it’s been a little much, even for him.  At the breakfast table the next day, the girls decide to draw straws to see who has to tell him to move his shit.

“It’s not fair!  Why do I have to do it?”  Miwa groans, cursing her bad luck for the thousandth time.  

“It is fair, you just happened to draw the short straw now go deal with it!  We'll back you up.”  Mai grins, knowing full well she rigged it.

Kasumi Miwa would rather be doing literally anything else at this moment.  She timidly knocks on the door, and says, “Todo?  Could you move all this stuff please?  You’re starting to block the hallway.”

“Yeah I’ll get to it whenever I get the rest of this junk cleaned up.  Don’t worry there’s no food waste so there shouldn’t be any smell.”

“B-but Todo…. It's been almost a week now…”  The only response was the muted sound of shuffling.

Miwa looks back in defeat at her so-called “back up” as they peek from behind the corner.  Their best bet now is to get one of the boys to convince him.  And if they fail it’s straight to Utahime-sensei.  

Todo looks at his room, emptier than it’s ever been.  He knew this was the likeliest outcome.  Takada-chan was a beloved idol, and even if she liked him back (which he thought she might have at some point) there was no way she could be with him.  He knew, but it doesn't mean it hurt any less.  There were years of carefully collected merch, thousands of dollars being stuffed into trash bags to be thrown away.  But instead of the despair he carefully denied for years, he didn’t feel any loss throwing away all the autographed posters and pictures.  No, he had something much better now, someone who could actually be with him in this wretched, boring world.  He had his wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful, perfect in every way girlfriend.  And while you weren’t aware that you were destined to be with him yet, he would make sure you’d know soon.  As soon as he finished purging his space of Takada-chan (it wouldn’t do to have pictures of an old flame) he’d confess.  

A few days later he was tying up the last trash bag, ready to enact his plan.  He asked you to meet him under the largest tree in the forest on the edge of the training field.  Several hypothetical scenarios floated through his mind, and he focused on the one where you’d enthusiastically said you loved him back and then he married you and had many children.  As he neared the confession site, Todo felt yet another arrow go through his heart as you came into view.  I’ll never get tired of seeing her.

“Todo, is everything okay?  What’s up?”  A shiver ran down Todo’s spine, goosebumps rising.  God, even your voice was perfect.

“I love you.  Promise me, y/n.  That we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.”  He got down on one knee like a proposal, looking up at you like a devout follower.

“Todo… I don’t know about the rest of our lives but why don’t we start with a date?  I like you too.”  While you were a bit taken aback by his forwardness, you brush it off as Todo being Todo.  You never disliked his honesty and unabashedness.

“My girlfriend!! I knew you felt the same!”  A single tear ran down Todo’s face.   

Back to the dorms, it wasn’t long before everyone found out and congregated at your room to badger you with questions.  

“Ugh that gorilla?  You guys are dating now?”  Nishimiya asked, firmly believing Todo to be an improper and inadequate boyfriend.  

“I thought he only had eyes for that idol Takado or whatever,” Miwa chimes.

“It’s Takada,” Mai corrects, not able to make eye contact with Nishimiya’s suspicious glance in her direction. 

“We’re dating now!  He just asked me out, and he’s really good to me.” you reply, thinking of how Todo insisted on carrying you back to the dorms, gently setting you down before running off saying he needed to ‘prepare’.  

“You can do way better than Todo, trust us.” The girls all nod in agreement.  However, Todo is outside your room balancing a tray of perfectly cooked lunch and a cold pitcher of water.  

“What are you guys talking about?”  he knows already, but wants to hear them say it to his face.  

“How y/n is too good for the likes of you.”  Mai minces no words for Todo.  With the uncomfortable tension rising, the Kyoto girls hastily make an exit.  

“My love, I made lunch for us.  I know I am not handsome, or come from wealth and a good sorcerer family like some of our classmates.  But I will be devoted.  I will never stray from you, I’d die if you asked me to.”  he says, as he sets the meal on your small desk, pulling out utensils and napkins.  His normal confidence seems to waver a bit, and it seems that not even Todo is immune to worrying about what other people think of him.  

“Todo, don’t worry about what they say and please don’t say you’ll die for me.  I like you a lot, I wouldn’t have accepted your confession if I didn’t.  I also think you’re quite handsome.”  

“You love me back?”  he whispers, kneeling at the edge of your bed, looking up at you.  While it’s a bit too early to tell, Todo’s hopeful, reverent look has you obliging him. 

“I do love you back.”  He embraces you, and you can hear his heartbeat in his bare chest.  It feels good to be loved so wholeheartedly, and you’ll give him all the love you have to repay him.  

[konigsblog]

Serious question, out of all the COD guys who do u think would cheat on their girlfriends/wives?

CW: NON-CON ELEMENTS, CHEATING, NARCISSISM/GOD COMPLEX. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT – KÖNIG X F!READER

i'm gonna say könig, and it pains me to see him as a cheater, but i view könig to be almost narcissistic, becoming verbally abusive when he doesn't get what he wants.

he won't hesitate to use threats, threatening things such as, your relationship – that he'll get sex from someone else if you don't give in to his repulsive, sickening desires - that he'll find someone that can please and satisfy his depraved fantasies.

and although a part of könig deep down doesn't want to do this to his wife, he thinks with his cock, instead of his brain – thinking about how satisfied he'd be, so selfish when it comes to his fantasies.

he knows you're probably in pain, at the scent of cheap perfume on his marked neck, or the sight of him looking dishevelled when he comes home to you, tipsy and a mess, with lipstick stains along his collar, the crimson smeared across the white material. könig can see the sadness in your glossy eyes, the wetness on your cheeks as he caresses your face, cupping your jaw and pleading with you to not abandon him.

of course, he'll lie, tell you he was drunk – that if he was sober, he wouldn't dare lay a finger on another woman like he'd just done.

despite his desperate pleas and drunken lies, you see right past him. you're not stupid, nor going to fall for his useless attempts at fixing the situation. you knew all about his filthy thoughts, how he was desperate to re-enact them with someone. it was a complete lie he'd told you, and seeing him lie without hesitation, straight to your sobbing face, was enough for poor, little you.

due to könig's narcissism, he can't fathom how you'd ever think of leaving him – he could barely understand why you were so infuriated and mortified by his perverse actions, i mean, you're not that important in comparison to someone like könig – you had it coming, it was your fault, regardless of what he'd done.

könig likes to believe he's the most important thing ever created, the spitting image of a god, almost. that his disturbed desires should be fulfilled, without protests against it or struggles against his filthy, grimey hands.

the topic of divorce is always shut down – you're constantly silenced. your attempts at expressing your opinion are fruitless, ignored and blown off as könig lazily pours himself another shot of vodka with a grin curling the sides of his mouth, getting drunk rather than focusing on the stress and worries he's caused to his once beloved wife.

he'll try to convince you that he still adores you, as if that'll make you feel any better. in his drunken state, he's full of himself and believes you're just upset because you're insecure – or that you're jealous, fearing you'll be replaced. although, that's not your concern – your concern is his disloyalty and his betrayal of trust.

könig has been with you long enough where you know every little thing about him; his childhood, trauma, or his disturbing and frightening thoughts. he'd have to keep you for himself.

divorce isn't an option, schatzchen...

[officialspec]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though

i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that

people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists

for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)

similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime

to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)

of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week

the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you

social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be

tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

So I've been dealing with a really bad fever for the last few days, and apparently i had written something i have no recollection of writing so here it is:

~~~~~~~

Tim had dug himself into a hole.

To anyone that knew him, that fact wouldn't be too surprising. Tim had always been a very capable individual, but every now and then he became too in love with how capable he was and he would trip over his own ego. Usually the boy could get out of the messes he created, the sudden humbling giving him a clear head, but this time, he didn't think he could climb his way out on his own. 

The first shovel of dirt of this metaphorical hole came over 4 years ago, lining up with the first shovel of dirt of a literal hole. 

Jason Todd had died. Robin had died. 

Batman was in shambles. 

And 13 year old Tim Drake thought that because of the knowledge he had, it was his responsibility to fix him. 

Batman needed a Robin, and despite what Nightwing had implied, Tim was nowhere near cool enough to be Robin. 

So what would make Batman get his own sidekick? If his enemies had one! Batman would be forced to find someone else to deal with the sidekick while he dealt with the actual Rouge. 

The Joker was obviously out. Beyond the fact that the Joker was horrible, Tim may be joining up with a villain but that didn’t mean he wanted Batman to hate him. 

That meant he needed to find someone Batman didn’t enact a lot of violence on. That got rid of the Scarecrow and the various crime bosses (Black Mask, the Penguin, etc.). Bruce had been close to Harvey Dent, but a 50% chance of death was a percentage that was just a little too high for Tim (oh how that would change). Most of the lower tier Rouges (Kite Man, Mad Hatter, etc.) had gone under after the got wind of Batman's fury, not to mention that Tim really didn't want to spend his days smelling like ketchup. Poison Ivy and Killer Croc were cool, but their skills weren't exactly ones Tim could replicate. 

That left Mr. Freeze, Catwoman, Harley Quinn, and the Riddler. 

The Mr. Freeze was more gentle with kids, their “villiainly” being based on the actions of adults, and the latter three were in it for their own interests rather than the purpose of killing or invoking fear, Catowman wanted shiny things, Harley wanted chaos and fun, and while the Riddler didn't share the same soft spot for kids, he respected intelligence. 

Tim chose Catwoman; the least lethal, and the closest with Batman. The skills she could teach him would also be more helpful in other situations.

It took about a week from the day he knocked on Selina Kyle's door to convince her to train him, but soon enough, a couple days before his 14th birthday and a few more calls to 911 about petty thieves left in the wake of Batman’s grief then Tim would have liked, “Stray” entered the scene. 

And his plan was working! 

The first time Batman had seen the second pair of cat ears he had paused mid ass-kicking of a carjacker and followed the duo, leaving the guy with more teeth then the others.

Slowly but surely, as time went on, the punishments the Batman inflicted started to fit the crime. By the time Tim was 15, he even thought he had seen a small upturn at the corner of Bruce’s mouth as he witnessed a bit of friendly banter between the two cats!

This was when the young villain had started to become a tad bit overconfident. In his defense, he had managed to keep his identity hidden from even Oracle! Lifts in his shoes, a voice modulator, make-up to disguise his facial features, along with a set of the same goggles Catwoman had kept and physical information from being revealed, and Tim Drake never interacted with Selina Kyle so there was no reason that anyone should have suspected him.

That overconfidence is what led him to replicate his plan. If one Rouge sidekick had benefits, then two Rouge sidekicks would mean double the benefits!

Solving riddles wasn’t too hard for the young boy, being able to see double meaning and red herrings was a skill taught to him by Janet Drake, and he took to the escape-room-esque plans for his heists quite easily. The thing he couldn’t figure out was creating riddles of his own. Mother had taught him that knowledge was power, you only reveal it if there was something to be gained, so purposely revealing information about his intention, helping his opponent was not something Tim was accustomed to, not bound to the compulsion to always tell the truth.

If the boy truly wanted to replicate the Riddler, then he would have to learn from the man himself.

Convincing the enigmatic man to teach Tim was easier than it had been with Catowman, the impressive display of bypassing the puzzles that hid the location of the game-playing criminal certainly helping.

Now, 15 years old with an unexplained skill boost in his AP Lang class (the lessons on wordplay were a definite help), The Riddler’s protege, ‘The Puzzler’ became the newest addition to the Gotham Rogues. He resented that name by the way. It was supposed to be Sibyl or Sphinx, they were on theme because they spoke in riddles and though he would deny it, the use of greek figures were his own little way of mocking Oracle, who still couldn’t figure out his identity. But apparently Poison Ivy and the Riddler had brunch once a month (something about being the green Rouges?) and she had heard the Riddler refer to him as “the little puzzle piece” when he was talking about his apprentice and the puzzle theme stuck despite how uncreative the name was.

This is when things became a bit hectic. Not only did Tim have to hide his nightlife from Batman and his parents, now he had to keep his two mentors from realizing that their mentees were the same person. 

He managed to convince Selina that the reason he was so busy lately was the AP classes that came with sophomore year, and while it wasn’t a lie, it certainly wasn’t the full story.

Nygma was easier to deceive. Tim had refrained from sharing his actual identity with the man (just because he would tell the truth in his puzzles for the sake of theme didn’t mean that he would be sharing personal information if it wasn’t needed. The only reason he hadn't hid it from Selina was to gain her trust, something that wasn’t needed with the Riddler) so just saying that he was busy was enough.

All the effort was worth it though. Things kept getting better.

Nightwing was seen in Gotham more often, and Spoiler (someone who Tim initially thought was trying to steal his thing by being a sidekick of the Cluemaster, only to realize she was working against him) had been seen fighting alongside the Batman one or twice. 

On an unrelated note, Stephiane Brown suddenly had her tuition for Gotham Academy paid for in full by the newly created Jason Todd Foundation.

Since things were going so well, he decided to push his luck a little further.

Unfortunately for Tim, he would soon realize the reason he was known for his bad luck in the future.

It started off like other times. Tim convinced Harley Quinn to take him under her wing, and “Ace” made their debut along with Tim’s 5 in AP Psych (Thank you Dr. Quinzel).

Steph and Tim happened to share a few classes together, and went from study buddies (Tim helping her in Chem, and Steph helping him in American History) to close friends.

Spoiler officially joined the Bats, and there were rumors of another bat joining the clan as well. Well there were no actual rumors, but the newest Wayne kid, Cassandra, had started joining him and Steph at their lunch table so her becoming a new bat wouldn’t be too surprising.

Soon enough though, things went to shit.

To start off, the first time Spoiler met Ace, she threw a brick at his head.

Second, His parents had caught him sneaking out and had grounded him, meaning that he now had to wait until they did their last check on his room at 12:00 to sneak out. 

The lack of sleep was starting to catch up to the highschooler. Handling 3 separate nightlife identities was hard enough, but doing so while exhausted was even harder.

After pulling an all nighter to study for a test the night before, he had gone to Selina’s apartment dressed as Ace, and had both costumes not been mostly black he would have been undoubtedly caught before he managed to fix his mistake.

Puzzler once spent a whole night sounding like Stray, and he didn’t think that his “sore throat” lie was all that believable.

Tim accidentally made a cat pun instead of a bat one when engaging in vaguely flirty banter with Spoiler as Ace and Harley had set him down to have the talk, stating that she would love him no matter who he liked and she would be happy to serve as a wingman for him and Catwoman’s protege. It would be funny if it wasn’t so embarrassing.

Third, Cassandra Wayne definitely knew something.

Tim’s “rumors” were right. 2 weeks after Cass had first joined their table Black Bat made herself known. By pinning Puzzler to the ground.

The next day Cass spent the entire lunch period staring at Tim. When he attempted to throw her off by invoking a mix of Stray and Ace’s mannerisms she stopped staring, instead choosing to freak Tim out more by smiling knowingly. At his wide eyes she mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key only throwing Tim off further. Cass was too smart to not have known, but there was no reason she wouldn’t tell if she did know, right?

Last, but not least, and the worst of all:

Jason Todd was alive.

~~~~~~~

I have no clue where i was going with that last line, but i see a vision, so I'm hoping it will come back to me, but if not, any suggestions or constructive criticism (or a better puzzle themed name for tim) would be helpful

[allisie]

Dating Rick Grimes includes (pt2):

Warning: I loosely follow cannon character personalities.

Part 1, Part 2

You helping to take care of Rick's injuries, no matter the size or severity. This has led to a game of Rick trying to duck you when he gains injuries that he determines to be 'not worth wasting time on'. The game doesn't last too long cause Rick never misses a shared family meal with you, Carl, and Judith, it is right as those meals end, you wrap your legs around Rick's waist to prevent an escape while you take care of him.

Rick is a healthy man, so it is only natural he pulls you to the side for as many quickiess as humanly possible. However, if there is an opportunity where Rick can take his God-given time to re enact all the filthy things he thinks about, Rick will take it. Remember, he is a healthy man in his prime.

Separating from the group and, to a greater extent, Rick is a major, NO in your relationship. The apocalypse is too unpredictable for him in right consciousness to have you alone unprotected. If you fall pregnant, expect to not know peace and quiet at any point. You will NOT be alone. During the last few weeks of your pregnancy, Rick is paranoid. Lori died giving birth to Judith. What if that happens again? What if it's a situation where if a c-section is necessary? What if he has to raise another baby, but this time without your help?

When travelling, Rick makes frequent checks for you, Carl, and Judith. If the group gets separated due to a hoard and Rick loses sight of you three.... It's like he is in overdrive. Everything seems to be pointing him in your direction, but some hoe when he follows them, he gets further away from you. Rick refuses to believe that there is even the smallest of chances that you got bit and might be a walker now.

If you are with Rick and the group when they get ambushed, Rick is brutal and relentless when he fights back. You're attractive, and anyone can see that, so you are commonly the first to get separated from the group. But that isn't what truly sets Rick off. It's the sexual comments they make about you, that is what triggers him the most. No one is to talk about you like that.

You get constant training, as much as Rick doesn't want you in a position where you have to use that training. He would rather you be prepared and not have to use it that be in a life and death situation and need someone else to save you. People are selfish and would save themselves before they save someone else.

Rick always gives you the best quality clothes he can find, often leaving himself with damaged items. So when you find a sewing kit, you try and patch up his clothes because Rick would never accept a clothing item someone else might need more than him.

Rick doing constant perimeter checks cause he is scared a walker will get in and ruin everything.

Rick creating a miniature food and medicine pile for your family, ad much as he loves and trusts the group he understands that if they get over run its everyone for themselves and he NEEDS his family to have the greatest chance of survival. He even teaches you how to grow and care for certain crops, as well as teach you how to deduce which buildings probably have food.

A tearful reconnection if you ever get separated. Rick would be fighting back the tears while checking to make sure you okay. When he gets u back to camp, no one sees you for a while as you and Rick reconnect. For a few days after that, Rick is attached to your hip.

Masterlist

[findmeinthefallair]

Thinking out loud...I'm both relieved that Hunter wasn't singled out by The Collector to go through these horrors...yet ofc curious what it may've looked like.

Nonetheless, his mind would be unleashing nightmares upon him even after Belos's death.

C-PTSD nightmares seem to have three flavours (going off my own experience..this isn't textbook or researched, as a disclaimer).

There are two kinds that have the theme of immediate danger.

First is the type where you yourself are being physically threatened. I don't want to choose the more graphic violent ones for this post but an example I can cite is being arrested and thrown into prison. Those got me on pretty high alert and idk, it was like this I guess:

Second would be the ones where you can't save someone else. Those hurt and yes, they pack a nasty punch. I've only had this type once as far as I can remember. But poor Hunter would have it worse since Belos could literally puppet him to be the one to harm the best friend he loved most:

The relational ones, though? That involve being blamed and/or abandoned, with no physical threats? Those are where you are in touch with the shame, which in a way makes it the worst of all three in my opinion. Because the deep sense of shame is the aspect of the condition which you can't reason your way out of using impersonal logic...in the way that you can e.g. come up with an escape plan or hold off an assailant.

The most memorable one was being in a dark room, almost entirely pitch black, seeing my 5 or 6-year-old self looking at me like this:

and because you just know stuff in dreams, I knew she was demanding an answer from me, as to why I wasn't there for her to protect her.

And holy smokes this was freakier than the first two categories. Because I had no adrenaline in my system, and somehow this third kind of dream always takes place in narrow spaces where I can't sprint and run elsewhere. Brainnnn, whyyyy?? Therefore I couldn't even give myself an adrenaline rush from fleeing anyway if I wanted to. (Idk if anyone else experiences this?) The first two kinds always took place in wide spaces e.g. underground parking lots and forests.

A similar nightmare involved an abusive family member whom I was trapped on a small boat with, and I had to listen to him demean and minimize me all over again while I was stuck, and I somehow didn't make myself just jump off the boat to swim away.

This type of nightmare is the one that can get me upset for hours after I wake from them, while with the others I get out of the shock a lot quicker for some reason.

For Hunter...it would involve Belos, other Grimwalkers, his friends and others such as those he previously worked with in the Castle, blaming him and judging him in his nightmares. Worst is if Flapjack does the same to him and rejects him. And I apologize for this angsty train ride but...but...he might see those poor lost palismen all over again, since it points towards the profession we see him thriving in, during the epilogue sequence...:

*drags this lost child to therapy sessions*

So yeah. The first two kinds are a more straightforward fit with how C-PTSD changes a person's neural networks and primes them to act relatively calmly in actual physical crises. The high price paid is, the person therefore struggles once things become safer (e.g. arguing with someone who is actually a safe presence), in some twisted unfair form of compensation. This is seen in how Hunter's triggers properly emerge once he's actually physically distanced from Belos: Labyrinth Runners and For the Future are the main examples.

It is painful and difficult, only becoming easier once the person has built a solid support network and can repair their own relationship with themselves.

In fact, my body sometimes feels as though I strangely want such a thrill e.g. riding in an ambulance all over again, a re-enactment of those times of high alert, because they are still more 'comfortable': rather than having no choice but to experience and accept that ingrained sense of shame, process it, and ride the wave instead of simply throwing a punch at it or evading it. Wanting that thrill is our equivalent of wanting a "fix", I guess.

Safe to say, this is why the canon Watching and Dreaming moments that hit hardest are the (false) blaming statements that Luz's friends direct at her. Because the ultimate test is whether the dreamer believes those or not.

[coline7373]

Just a quick rant to say how much I dislike fics where a jedi knight or master go up in front of the Council to lay into them about how stupid and heartless and ineffective and corrupted by their ties to the Senate and strangled by their own traditions they are.

1/ The very definition of a master jedi is one who has mastered themselves, work within the light, in service of others.

I'm not saying no one ever faltered from those ideals. But I AM saying that a master is in enough control of themselves they don't need to 'rant' (see, shout) to process their emotions, get their point across OR enact changes.

Not to mention that keeping all those resentement and negative emotions simmering as they are until they blow up is cultivating the Dark.

Only by processing those emotions in a healthy way can one see the situation as it really is, instead of how one feel about it, and work on the cause of these emotions rather than its effects successfully.

Which is what the Light and the jedi are all about.

And since when shouting at someone has ever helped them change their mind? This is not working toward "better". This is just venting, regardless of the cost to others, because if feels good.

Instant gratification at the expense of others is not of the Light, regardless of who "others" are.

2/ Most of the complaints are not actually those of the character but the author. I wish author would be honest about subverting the material for their own ends.

3/ Those complaints are not actually about SW things but about a westerner person applying their own morals, based on their references frame, that stems from being born and living in a western society, on eastern values, and judging them wrong for not complying about what everyone know is "good".

What is "good" is not always universal.

Murder, theft and incest are just about some of the only ones I can think of that are widely accepted as wrong.

Everything else is very much society based.

So it's not a matter of "good" the jedi are not complying to (if the author even applies good faith on the jedi's faults without making them the culprits of everything that is wrong within the Republic) but a matter of cultural perspective.

You know, the thing jedi are famed to be respectful of, unlike irl westerners.

(3*/ Before making Mace Windu a tyrannical, blind, dogmatic Head Enforcer of Wrong Laws, please, actually, try to look at any kind of material about him, be it in TCW or comics.)

4/ Just say you don't like jedi and tag your work anti-jedi. Thanks.

[friendsyoyo]

gettin intuitive

psychic headcanon babble for the mother 1 crew (aka just ninten and ana) because i figure someone out there is interested

i preface this with the knowledge that MOTHER 1 has the most mentions of PSI in the narrative out of the three games (mother 3 can be semi-debated). that ALSO BEING SAID, these are children and i don’t think they have god tier abilities. this ain’t the x-men—in fact the closest kid you got to Jean Grey is 11 years old. so this is just for fun

ninten

moves-wise: i love you ninten but you suck compared to everyone else. in fact, he doesn’t like that people are much better at PSI than him (especially not some girl he just met!). maybe he goes through a phase where he tries to improve, but it’s just not in his nature (or attention span) to do so. that being said, everyone’s cooked without him thanks to his prowess in assist PSI. sure, he can’t light people on fire, but he can make sure your next frying pan swing hurts bad. the added benefit of escaping into the fourth dimension is something that makes him very unique (or in teddy's words, "a one-trick pony") and makes him brag a bit, because what is ninten if not prideful? it’s not too bad though, because it’s dorky! there’s a childish glee to it, like a kid doing a cartwheel in front of his parents. even lloyd admits it makes ninten look lame, but “he’s not one to talk” either. like ana, he does possess telepathy, but this is the one ability i hc him to surpass her in. i really do think that with given time, he could be a very strong telepath! i think of telepathy as a spectrum rather than “transmitter and receiver” because the characters do portray differing levels of what they can do; basic communication with animals being on the lower end to near omnipotence on the highest extreme. ninten is no god for sure, but based on what we see in the game and novels, he “receives” more than he “transmits,” which can lead to very disorienting conversations. it’s an added level of hyper-vigilance he must deal with, but at least it's helpful in combat and against police officers. i wouldn’t say it’s textbook telepathy angst, but more like “can you shut the fuck up right now im trying to think” when no one has uttered a word in the past 2 minutes. too much at once leads to snappy responses, unintentionally looking daggers at someone, and unbridled rage when fighting lamps. he's best left alone in times like this. he gets tuckered out easily, bc thinkin's a lot of work. world's eepiest boy after massive boss fights

ana

like i said, she ain’t jean grey. buuuut, if i had to rank the most powerful psychics in the mother series, she’d be third to kumatora + her family and giegue. she is very disciplined in everything she does, only using it in dire or noble situations like her parents taught her to. in the game, she has a very good relationship with both her parents and religion, which is unlike many headcanons i tend to see.

they were both very involved, which led to her having near perfect control at such a young age. her father would preach about the responsibility she carries (because, yknow, great power) while her mother would find the best way to not let her skills go unmanaged. she starts off with precise telekinesis, fast healing LifeUp β, and manageable telepathy, but when she’s away from home and begins to learn more intense and formidable abilities, ana feels completely lost and shocked to her core. she hates violence, especially when she must enact it herself. with each new power she awakens, she feels a sense of betrayal towards her parents, wondering if she is straying from their teachings. worst of all, she fears over reliance on them the way ninten is (teleporting like it's no ones business). therefore, ana is very psychically repressed and mentally limits herself from the use of offensive PSI outside of battle.

she eventually realizes that although she didn't choose to be born with these abilities, they are a part of her and "God's plan." as long as there is someone to protect, she finds solace in being able to use them for the greater good.

i have so much more to say but it's 2:51 am and i feel like this post is a bit too long now. remember to hit that like button and subscribe

[otomefiend]

(To no one's surprise) Alfons is giving me the second lead feels in Elbert's main story. He's just so omnipresent and melancholic, and not usually his trollish self.

Just let me love you.

Chapter 11 has this beautiful scene, where Kate is searching for him. (no major spoilers, just wistful Al goodness)

Finally, in a nearby garden, my eyes were caught by the familiar raven black hair, now bathed in pale moonlight.

Kate: "... Alfons."

Sitting cross-legged at the tea table, he appeared to be drinking.

Alfons: "You shouldn't be wandering around so late at night..."

Alfons: "If it were someone else, I'd be tempted to show them a pleasant dream."

Alfons: "You don't seem like the type, oddly enough."

Kate: "...is this something to be happy about?"

Alfons: "To do something so audacious you'd have to be full of sadness and despair."

His words were accompanied by a captivating gaze.

(He's enigmatic as ever...)

Sylvetica flowers (*forget-me-nots TT) swayed at his feet.

Come to think of it, Alfons' family name was the same as the flower's.

Alfons: "Did something happen with El?"

His eyes the colour of the night sky narrowed meaningfully.

I hesitantly approached him and sat down next to him.

Kate: "...lord Elbert wants to possess me."

Alfons: "Ah....I see."

Alfons: "I knew it was only a matter of time, but I never thought it would be tonight."

Alfons: "It becomes even more doubtful whether you'll be able to complete your work as a fairytale writer."

Alfons: "Now I feel troubled."

Kate: "Well, you certainly don't look like it..."

Alfons: "No, no, quite to the contrary, I've always looked out for you, you know?"

His fingers in a black leather glove traced the outline of my chin.

Alfons: "The world is already filled with tragedies,"

Alfons: "It is foolish to try willingly enact one's own."

(All this time Alfons kept telling me not to get involved with Lord Elbert)

Most likely, he knew that this would be nothing more than stepping into misfortune.

He tugged at my chin with a gentle caress, his sweet scent tickling my nose, leaving me conflicted.

Alfons: ".... should I make El lose interest in you?"

~~~more spoilerish part follows~~~

Kate: "........"

Alfons: "If you remain in his sights, the possible consequences are confinement, imprisonment or, worst of all, death."

It was said more bluntly than I would have liked, and sent a shiver down my spine.

But being scared here was not going to solve anything.

Kate: "I'm already aware of it. Right now, I'm more interested in ...... I want to know what Lord Elbert's crime is."

Kate: "That's why ... I was looking for you."

Alfons: "I see... you want to plunge into darkness rather than choose the path that would save your life?"

Kate: "...I ---"

Kate: "Of course I don't want to be locked up or changed into a specimen. But..."

Kate: "More importantly, if that would happen..."

Kate: "Just imagining how deeply Lord Elbert would be hurt by this… how sad it'd make him... is terrifying."

Kate: "That's why ...... I want to know what makes him behave this way."

Alfons: "........"

It was hard to believe that Alfons, who had been with Lord Elbert since childhood, could not be aware of the circumstances.

Kate: "Why does he allow his butler and maids to do such things?"

Kate: "In his position, he should be able to dismiss them, order them to stop, or at least avoid them."

Alfons: "Indeed. After all, he is the master of the house."

Kate: "At the art dealer's party, I was protected by Lord Elbert's express defiance."

Kate: "All he has to do is defend himself in the same way..."

Kate: "The reason he can't do it... is because of his 'sin', isn't it?"

I could feel a light night breeze in the twilight,

A sweet, intoxicating floral scent wafted through the air and tickled my nose.

Alfons: "... even though it's pointless to face reality."

Alfons: "You're serious to a fault... you and El."

Muttering this, he removed his hand from my chin, then got up from his chair and walked away into darkness.

Kate: "Where are you going....?"

Alfons: "Follow me, please."

Kate: "Huh?"

Alfons: "You want to know it, yes? His 'sin'."

~~~

[ftmtftm]

I need young radfems to understand that the goal of the majority of Feminist organizing is to understand and take down Patriarchal control. Not just reform, but actively take down. That is not solely a Radical Feminist goal. You are being actively lied to if someone is telling you otherwise. The only difference is a lot of other Feminist organizing recognizes that Patriarchy is only one piece of the puzzle when it comes to discussions on systemic power and violence, rather than the whole picture - which is how Radical Feminism often treats it.

A Radical Feminist lense places the weight and power of Patriarchy inherently on manhood or "maleness" as a concept - rather than actually examining the root causes of our modern Patriarchal society. Radical Feminism doesn't actually examine or question why manhood or "maleness" is actually considered something to be valued or where that notion comes from - it just treats it as a fact of our world, which is so limited in scope because fails to address why the world is currently the way it is.

Radical Feminism doesn't question what kinds of manhood are actually given structural power and what kinds of manhood are punished by the Patriarchy itself. Radical Feminism homogenizes manhood/"maleness" into a big scary boogy man that only exists as a tool of subjugation without considering the ways in which Patriarchy actively subjugates men who deviate from its ideal vision of manhood.

Do you really think the world is so black and white? Do you really think that the socially constructed power structure of Patriarchy is so innate to society that the responsibility for it also falls on your fellow victims of it? Have you, for instance, considered the works of international feminists who discuss the material reality of the fact that Patriarchy is an agent of Colonialism? Have you considered that Patriarchy as we know it stems from world conquest and that for hundreds of years other societies existed outside of Patriarchal influence and control?

Are you so naïve that you cannot conceptualize your own liberation alongside the liberation other victims of systemic violence and oppression? Where is your sense of solidarity with people who have lost their cultures because Colonialist politics were forced into their lives, subsequently enacting Patriarchal control over their societies? Have you considered the fact that scorched earth politics only serve put you in the position of dominance in the same way as any other Colonialist, rather than actually meaningfully liberating anyone from dominance and subjugation.

I understand that it is incredibly easy to view the world simplistically. It is easy to view systems of oppression as separate concepts with one or two that you believe should take priority. It is easy to create a victim complex for yourself when your political theory is constantly telling you how victimized by the world you are. It is easy to internalize this in a way that makes you uncaring towards other causes that might seem unrelated to your own at first, but in reality are intrinsically connected to your own cause.

The world is so messy. These systems work all together and you are not immune from being agents enacting other forms of systemic violence. That is not a moral failure on your part for existing in ways the systems of our world prioritizes without your consent - just like it is not a moral failure of the average man for simply existing as a man in a world that prioritizes him without his consent.

To seek liberation from the Patriarchy without also seeking liberation from Colonialism, from White Supremacy, from Capitalism, etc. etc. in solidarity with other victims of those systems and to also seek that liberation from those systems without recognizing the active role of women in maintaining them is to do absolutely nothing politically meaningful beyond the selfish power seeking yourselves.

There are so many other kinds of Feminists and Feminist theories out there that don't rely on putting womanhood in a constant state of self victimization. That actually address the ways in which Patriarchy acts in tandem with many systems to disrupt the lives of anyone who doesn't conform to it. I promise you Radical Feminism will not give you the liberation you are seeking and there are other avenues for Feminist thought beyond just "Radical Feminism VS """meaningless liberal reform"""".

Anyone who tells you there are only two options for Feminist theorizing - especially if they are creating a "we're right and everyone else is wrong" binary - is a grifter and a liar who wants to take advantage of your pain for their own goals. They do not truly care about you or your liberation, they care about gaining power for themself.

[majosullivan]

MAJOOOOOOOOO I love your Pluto theory but also. Also. Do you think that the roommates are there to enact each other's stories? Like Montresor was put in Duke's room on purpose so that he could put him in the wall, Prospero in Pluto's so that he could take his eye?? Or maybe Pluto does smt that makes Prospero sick???

Just spitballin here but 🤔🤔🤔

It’s very possible! While I don’t think it’s possible with certain roommates, I can definitely see certain references being pulled from their respective stories to inform future interactions between them. I’m so interested in the dynamics of all the roommates since it’s clear that the roommates were carefully picked and organised by the Deans for specific reasons, rather than being randomised, especially with how the characters parallel eachother and the similarities between their deaths.

The most obvious example we have is with Annabel and Ada, with both their characters and deaths being centred around the ideas of love. While Annabel was killed and betrayed before she was wed by ‘the one who loved her above all else’, Ada was killed by the upper class man she was likely having an affair with. While Ada desperately wants to matter the most to someone, clearly willing to do anything to be seen as such, Annabel is completely loyal to Lenore, Lenore being the only person she’s felt truly comfortable being her authentic self around, someone she’s willing to risk it all for, loving her with every fibre of her being. Annabel is everything that Ada admires and wants to be, wanting desperately for Annabel’s approval as a mark of being a ‘real lady’, blinding her to how Annabel is able to take complete advantage of her as a pawn.

Then there’s Berenice and Eulalie, who also have clear parallels in their deaths, with both of them slowly dying with no form of escape. With Berenice, she was run over by a police car while trying to escape some guy harassing her, slowly dying trapped under the car while the guy harassing her makes her as some drunk that run in front of the road. With Eulalie, she was trapped in a burning building with a bunch of children, with it being suggested that people set the fire, with Eulalie not being able to do anything but try to comfort the children in their last moments together (my main guess at the moment is that Eulalie was the victim of racial violence during WWII). When it comes to their personalities, while both of shown to be unweavingly loyal to their friends, Berenice has much more street smarts and is shown to be used to taking care of herself, while social cues aren’t Eulalie’s strong suit and her seemingly being a caretaker of some form in life.

With Duke and Monstresor, we’ve now seen our recreation of The Cask of Amontillado, with Duke in the role of Fortunato, his stage name in life. When it comes to their deaths, though we don’t have confirmation on how exactly Duke died, I think Monty’s death could actually support the most popular theory on how Duke died. Thanks to episode 54, we know that Monty died by being taken to the train tracks and getting run over by the incoming train, trying his best to escape. Considering this, the parallels we’ve seen in previous roommates’s deaths, Duke drowning and it bring comfirmed that he was an escape artist in life, it strengthens the idea that Duke died in a water escape trick gone wrong.

The situation is similar with Lenore and Morella. While we don’t know how Lenore died, considering Lenore herself, the possible ideas we already have about how Annabel and Lenore died, along with the knowledge that Morella died wanting to protect someone no matter what, it definitely strengthens the idea that Lenore died trying to protect Annabel. When it comes to their personalities, while both of them hold their personal connections in very high regard, Lenore has no bounds to the rules and refuses to make any sacrifices when it comes to her connections, while Morella is very keen to follow the rules to avoid trouble, having difficulty standing her ground at times and her desire for friendship unfortunately resulting in her getting stuck with the Clusterfuck, with Monty threatening to harm her Ada and Lenore if he ever sees Morella or Ada talking to her.

Finally there’s Pluto and Prospero, both being more logically grounded members in their groups. We can’t really compare how they died yet, since we only have how they felt when they died and their likely causes of death, with no confirmation on the lead up to their deaths. Despite this, that doesn’t prevent us from comparing the parallels between the two. While Prospero is quite reversed, placing little value in emotional connections and greatly disliking physical contact, Pluto is very emotionally intuned, deeply caring for and valuing his connections, along with being very physically affectionate. They’re both also two of the first characters to get involved in romantic sub plots of sorts, with Ada having a crush on Prospero (we all know how that went) and Pluto having a crush on Eulalie. Not to mention the obvious parallel of Prospero’s spectre involving rats and Pluto’s spectre being a literal cat. An interesting detail that I picked up recently was how we see that Prospero fears people thinking of him as neurotic in episode 71, while Pluto was the reason Lenore and Duke were able to escape the dementophobia trial. This detail could get even more interesting, considering that in The Tell Tale Heart, part of the narrative involves the narrator trying to convince the reader of their sanity. Tying this in with Pluto’s possible link to the story that I’ve mentioned before and we could come up with quite an interesting picture. It might be nothing but it caught my eye.

Overall, the Duke situation once again has prompted me to look into the roommates’s dynamics and what possible references could be pulled from them. I’m currently trying to read more of Poe’s work, both out of curiosity and wanting to see if there are any similarities in stories that could relate to the dynamics of characters and roommates that Red and Flynn could be used drawn reference to during the story. If I come across anything particularly interesting, I’ll try to make a post about it

[dragonfirerogue-writes]

Wednesday x vigilante reader where wednesday starts to investigate them after being beaten in a sparring battle

Wednesday x vigilante!Reader

The fencing club was one of Wednesday's favorite activities. It was a perfect excuse to enact violence. And she was good at that. But it seemed like someone else was good at it too.

While Bianca was the captain of the team, the top fencer was you. Wednesday could see it. You didn't stand out, but she could see how precise your footwork was. Each strike was calculated and measured to ensure that you were just over the standard. So Wednesday bided her time and kept watch on you.

Finally, the time came where she can adequately test you. You were paired up with her for a sparring match and she was ready to put you through the ringer. For once, Wednesday was going to allow herself to feed into that bloodlust brimming in her soul.

And you killed the feeling.

You played it safe. You fought defensively. Wednesday was the one to make all the strikes while you parried and threw in the occasional strike. Even still, neither got a point on the other. With a frustrated sigh, the goth dropped her stance and took her mask off. Confused, you followed suit.

"What? Is there something wrong?" You asked. You genuinely weren't sure what you did wrong. It wasn't until Wednesday surged forward with her blade did you let your instincts take hold.

Her attacks were relentless. You were barely able to keep up in your stunned state. Eventually, you were able to push the goth away and catch your breath. Wednesday took her stance once more, glaring at you. With a resigned sigh, you understood and took your own stance. The battle begins.

Rather than wait to defend, you launch forward with a thrust. Wednesday parries and counters, which you evade. The fight continues as such with the two of you trading blows while the others watch. They knew the unspoken rule with your masks off.

This fight ends with first blood.

You could feel your body begin to tire. The constant onslaught didn't allow for a proper break. While you tried to break the rhythm, Wednesday was quick to pick it back up. But you see that the relentless battle was also weighing down on the goth. Her strikes were slowing and reaction times were waning. This fight will end soon.

Suddenly, an opening made itself known and you took it. Your saber soars and cuts Wednesday's cheek. Everyone is shocked, including your opponent. The spell breaks when she reaches for her wound and looks at the blood that appears on her fingers. As soon as her eyes shoot towards you, you bow and dart out of the room.

-----+++++-----

It's been a week since the duel and you've managed to avoid Wednesday through it all. Your nighttime excursions helped to keep your mind off the bout as well. You managed to go out to the nearest city and let out some frustrations. No one had ever caught you leaving or returning since you began. At least until tonight.

You enter your room to reveal Wednesday staring at you from your desk chair.

"W-what? Wednesday? What are you doing here?"

"Where have you been?" She asks. She was flipping through some papers you couldn't see.

"Out. I don't need to explain myself to you."

"Maybe you will when I let everyone know about your extracurricular activities." Files fly through the air and land at your feet. You could see news articles about an unknown vigilante saving the day before police could. There were even actual pictures of the hero. Pictures of you.

"How..."

"I just followed you. You're good with stealth, but mine is better."

You pick up the pile from the floor and step towards the goth.

"You can't tell anyone about this. I just wanna keep my head down until graduation."

Wednesday just stands up and steps right to you. Despite her slight figure, you're incredibly intimidated. "If you don't want me to disclose your... Side job, then let me use your skills in my investigations. Work with me and I will say nothing."

You thought about it. While being around Wednesday would get your name more notice than you wanted, it would've been considerably less than your vigilante job getting out. With a sigh, you relented.

"As long as I can still help people out, I'll work with you when you need me." Wednesday smirked when she heard your answer.

"Excellent."

[yanxidarlings]

I noticed on one of ur HCs that America spaces out alot bc he keeps thinking abt s/o. What is he usually thinking about?

Lmao i can imagine him having a day dream at the beach w his s/o and hes abt to kiss/make-out with them but rudely gets snapped out of it when the boss calls him. I think hes ready to yeet his phone😂.

man, i don't even think russia wants to know what alfred's thinking about, but since you asked:

it depends on his mood, his recent interactions with his darling, the political state of the world. his darling just rejected him (again)? you best bet he's daydreaming about smashing the mf's head in who tempted his darling away (because there's no way they wouldn't want him if there wasn't someone else)

he's watching his darling give a speech at a world meeting? he's imagining being the ultimate power couple with them bringing the world universal peace and freedom and of course mcdonalds.

they'd definitely get married on the beach, instead of a suit he'd wear his swim trunks, he's sure his darling would much rather stare at his guns (metaphorical guns) than a boring ol' suit. that's what england would wear to a wedding, and he's old as shit. Alfred is no where near old but when he is iggy's age he's sure he'll have 50 children with his darling and have replaced all the nations of the world with chibi americ-y/ns. oh and don't forget their mars colo-

he's stuck running his boss an errand whilst they could be frolicking off with other nations? alfred's daydreams focus on swooping him superman style and saving his lois lane from the evil villains who would dare seduce his darling away from him.

to put it short, his daydreams are as frequent as they are childish, whilst romano, japan and iceland might fantasise pretty normal/domestic interactions with their beloved, america, canada, and mexico are the type to think about the most fantastical, unrealistic, weirdest shit (it's a north american thing).

don't let alfred get too comfortable with his darling, he might just try and get them to re enact his daydreams. suppose there's no avoiding him becoming that comfortable around this darling - as soon as he has them within his clutches, he feels no need to keep any sort of mask up, he wants to be as free and open with his darling as possible, so he expects the same from the

[keshetchai]

Thank you for your deconstruction of that post about Jewish ethnicity and your detailed explanation of why it was a terrible take! I saw that post earlier and it got my hackles up but I didn't even know where to start when they're starting from such a flawed understanding of Jewish identity and ethnicity in general.

Yeah idk the most generous conclusions I have were those last two points — the argument either starts from assuming ethnonationalists have always been the ones defining ethnicity/they are the main arbiters of defining it (which I just reject categorically), or they have misunderstood or don't actually know what ethnicity means (outside of understanding ethnonationalism is bad).

And I never want to come out the gate with like "I think you just don't know what that word means," because that feels extremely condescending and combative. At the same time we're clearly facing some kind of vast language gap if the concept of "Jews are an ethnic group" is considered absurd or laughable. So working backwards those are my guesses for how someone got themselves to that conclusion which bizarrely had a lot of reblogs and i didn't look at the notes but like.

Please tell me I wasn't the only one baffled by this?? Anti-/non-zionist Jewish movements have typically still explicitly emphasized ethnicity, like...sometimes even moreso because "shared cultural identity here-ness" HAS to care more about group belonging in culture rather than in place or nation.

Either way: We can just reject ethnonationalism without erasing the concept of people having ethnicities! That's totally an option. Israel and Palestine both have histories of nationalist movements AND both can and should reject ethnonationalism because the levant itself is a place full of a variety of ethnicities. No matter what the future of the levant and any states within it look, ethnonationalism should be rejected.

Like yeah I can fully climb on board the whole "the modern nation state itself is bad, borders are violence enacted upon people, nation-states foment nationalism, colonialism, and so on, let's move forwards towards stateless society." Ethnonationalism is bad.

But simultaneously I live in like...a reality where something has to float us all until we can get there and I don't believe in a leftist rapture of "bloody revolution will overthrow all of current society."

spoilers: ethnic self-determination and governance doesn't mean you can avoid ethnonationalism strains cropping up!

Also just because this has been getting to me recently, here's a big tangent not part of the OP but something else I've been seeing: Indigeneity to a place doesn't actually elevate you to this morally pure and uncorrupt self, and it doesn't mean you're going to be a better society than anyone else trying to govern there or avoid ethnonationalism or nationalism.

That's...I mean that's not how it fucking works. I keep seeing like "these Israelis are destroying olive trees, an indigenous people wouldn't do that!" And it's like...such a kindergarten way of treating the status of being "native" as morally and ethically untainted by bad ideologies. To me it absolutely reeks of "noble savage" fantasies wherein like: nobleness of character, innocent benevolence to foreigners, and perfect stewardship of land is somehow the hallmarks of "true" Indigeneity.

I regret to inform everyone but if you only ever get the highlights reel history of Spanish colonialism in Mexico: the Spaniards were able to conquer Mexico the way they did for a variety of reasons (smallpox devastating the native populace is one of them), but one of those big key ways is the fact that various native groups hated the aztec triumvirate (the Mexica) so much that they actively helped the Spanish overthrow them.

The Spanish didn't conquer the Aztecs by themselves. The Spanish had maybe an army of 3,100 or so. The Aztecs had a fighting force of 200,000+, not including other allied forces. The spanish were able to conquer the Aztec empire because a whole lot of other indigenous forces were assisting them.

Being indigenous to somewhere absolutely doesn't mean you won't burn or destroy farms, or murder your also indigenous neighbors, or commit terrible atrocities, or even become an imperial force who enslaves people or enforces a caste system or anything else. It's not a guarantee that your society won't be shitty somehow. The Aztecs were comprised of native people, and they still cracked open rib cages of other human beings to extract their hearts in ritual sacrifice so like. It's not a strong argument to say "they definitely aren't from here because they destroy tree groves or murder Innocents."

If you wanna talk about settlers being settlers there's other ways to do it.

[halogenwarrior]

All of the Animorphs main characters’ stories are very influenced by the dissonance between how they are perceived by the others from their perspectives, and the resulting roles they are fit into vs. their actual complexity, and I think it’s worth talking about Rachel from that perspective for a bit. The read the others tend to have on her character is that she’s ambitious; this incredibly confident, driven person who is dissatisfied with a normal life and just waiting for something better, which the war gives her. Cassie explicitly narrates as much in Megamorphs #4, while Jake says in #22 that she’s found her purpose in the war and he doesn’t know what she would do with a normal life anymore. Though I can’t remember the exact passages, I think the others think similar things of her. But when you actually look into Rachel’s character, you find that what they are misinterpreting as ambition/dissatisfaction with normal life/a desire to change the world and be a hero is actually two separate traits that, when put together in the same person, look a lot like that but aren’t.

First is that she fundamentally is a compassionate, morally dutiful person who feels she has an obligation to sacrifice and avoid the easy route to be good to other people. She doesn’t seek out situations where she will be responsible for many people’s well-being, but once she is there she goes all-in on it. When you compare situations in the book where one of the main characters has made an effort to be kind and do the right thing on a personal level rather than a “well if we save everyone on Earth from being enslaved that helps people by definition” level, she’s really only behind Cassie on this – feeling guilty about letting down Melissa as a friend and then risking her life on a mission to go out of the way to comfort her about her parents in #2, or in #1 when she says she cares about Tobias when he thinks nobody cares about him, even though they barely know each other. 

In comparison, the most Jake has is a vague idea that his goal in life should be to live an average life and “not be a jerk” without any real self-examination of how to do that, Marco is often rude on an interpersonal level and doesn’t seem to care much about being a good friend or giving kindness to someone who needs it, Tobias is more of a loner who is very morally passionate about the greater cause but doesn’t extend it to really being there for other people (this isn’t because he is inherently cruel so much as, when we first are introduced to him, he is barely getting by in life and doesn’t have the energy to try to be a kind, beneficent person on top of that, it’s only the revelation of a greater cause that gives him the motivation to care about something), and Ax, the only one who was in an official military, initially largely outsources his sense of duty to that system and its ethics and doesn’t make much of an effort to be a good person outside of that. 

I get the sense that Cassie and Rachel mutually recognize this quality in each other, and this is the reason for their friendship despite the narrative emphasizing how different they are and how weird it is that they are friends. As mentioned above, Cassie does interpret her as ambitious and “waiting for something else in life”, but she still sees that ambition as being prompted by a kindness and unshakeable desire to do good, as someone who doesn’t fall into the “mean popular kid stereotype” despite her looks and confidence. Meanwhile Rachel, when we see her thoughts about Cassie, similarly appreciates Cassie’s interpersonal kindness and steely resolve to enact it. Each recognizes, despite their many differences, the moral and aspirational idea they aim for in life in each other. Rachel’s manifestation of this trait looks different than Cassie’s. 

The second quality is that Rachel loves, in the moment, the rush of being confident and powerful. It’s something she gets in shopping for clothing and being able to pick out the right deals like a successful predator, and it’s also something she gets in war, in the heat of battle and crushing the enemy. It’s not about adulation (#3 notes with her gymnastics performances that she hates performing in front of a crowd), just the personal feeling of power. The others aren’t wrong that she enjoys battle in a terrifying way they do not, but it’s ultimately driven by a feeling in the moment, not an inborn sense that life is purposeless that leads to seeking out war in the long term. 

These two qualities combine to form a dynamic, a vicious cycle, with the rest of the group. When Rachel encounters something in life she believes is her duty to be a good person and help others, even though she doesn’t seek out such situations to feel special, she throws herself into it wholeheartedly (like as soon as she realizes she’s in a war now, in #4 I believe she changes all the inspirational quotations in her room to things like the Art of War). Combined with her general confidence, this leads to her throwing herself into danger bravely, which the others admire her for, and come to really need her in the role to give them the inspiration to risk their lives and untold horrors, which makes her play even harder into it to fulfill their need (even if she feels it is just a persona, as in #7 with her being “not brave, just blind”). This gets to the point where they, particularly Jake whose job it is to lead, use the others for their roles, and encourage them to keep those necessary roles, will outright discourage her from being anything else or showing any nuance or vulnerability (wee see this in #7 and #27). But the more she throws herself into danger and plays up her fearlessness and love of the fight, the more it triggers her love for the thrill and feeling of power of it which she recognizes is making her into her worst, cruelest version of herself. And the tragedy of it is that normally if she was recognizing she was a bad person in some way, she would stop everything to rectify that (like in #2 when she realizes she hasn’t been there for Melissa and immediately pivots to go as far as to risk torture and death to be there for her). But it’s precisely her commitment to goodness and duty that means she can’t this time, even if she knows the path is turning her into a monster, her friends and humanity as a whole still need her like this.  She is the type of character whose greatest strength is her downfall. This is particularly symbolized with her relationship with Tobias, who due to being a hawk is entirely enveloped in the Animorph life and can’t live “normally”. Every time Rachel goes out of her way to be there for him, she’s separating herself from the life she would want and reinforcing her worst impulses, and sometimes her narration expresses frustration with this, but she can’t turn away because he still needs her. 

And the others, even as they (particularly Jake) are parties to cajoling her into her role… as mentioned before, they don’t quite pick up on this. They mistake the long-term duty to do what’s right even if she absolutely doesn’t want it combined with the short-term thrill once she puts herself into a violent situation as one trait, a pride and ambition to be something greater than her normal life for the sake of glory. And while that combination of traits can look very similar (i.e her identification with hubristic classical heroes in #37), it’s fundamentally not the same, she expresses many times that she wants a normal life in the long term even if she enjoys fighting in the moment. She’s not constantly thinking about changing the world for the better unless the situation forces her into it (look at how she cares so little about politics that she doesn’t even know who her state’s governor is in #51, despite Marco expecting that she absolutely does and will chew him out for not knowing!) In fact, the whole point of #32 is that these are two separate traits, and when they aren’t put together she isn’t capable of the driven nature she normally exhibits, This misunderstanding leads to the others thinking she fully and uncomplicatedly wants all of this. 

It also leads to them underrating her compassion, often acting surprised or disbelieving when she shows it even when it’s not actually all that uncommon. For example, her statement that she cares for Tobias in #1 being followed by Jake’s narration saying that this is unusual for her. There’s also one quote about this I particularly like in #25, near the end when the Venber are killed. Marco’s narration goes  ‘ “Rest in peace”, someone said. It turned out to be Rachel ‘. It’s just one little line, but I find it fascinating how, even though the narrator Marco is attributing the rest of the dialogue completely normally, the idea that Rachel is capable of this solemn compassion is so against the image he has of her in her mind that he isn’t initially able to realize who said this, and that is really telling to Rachel’s dynamic with the rest of the group and how they view her.

Cassie and Rachel’s types of compassion are not the same, and that’s part of why the latter’s isn’t recognizes. Cassie is not just kind but diplomatic and able to keep calm in interpersonal situations, emphatic about the things she cares for most but willing to humble herself to get others on the same page. Rachel, on the other hand, comes from a place of confidence, willing to care but not to bend for others, and also a lot of anger deriving from that duty and compassion – towards those who harm others, like the Yeerks, for example, like in #38 when, realizing the Andalites aren’t coming and there’s no hope, she wants to at least take as many Yeerks down with her as she can and avenge humanity. Cassie, meanwhile, doesn’t let this passion for morality and justice lead her to revenge and instead goes in the opposite direction, seeing no point in killing if there can’t be a direct benefit of saving someone from it. And Rachel can just be plain angry and grumpy for reasons that aren’t about noble compassion, like when she is physically hurt (like #11 when she goes on a rant about the rainforest due to almost being eaten alive by ants). And most ironically, her anger and bitterness grows precisely when she is put in a trap where she can’t be a good person no matter what she chooses, where leaving makes her be uncaring and not doing her duty but staying will gradually turn her into a monster. This can be seen in #27 where her frustration at having to turn down T.T, both for himself and the normal life and escape from her darkest impulses he represents, because she owes it to Tobias, leads to her snapping at him and rejecting him in an especially cruel way, even though internally she feels compassion for him and doesn’t believe what she says. 

And that’s really the core of Rachel’s nightmares and breakdown in #48, and the rage and defiance she feels at Jake in her dreams. It’s not just the surface level of paranoia that her friends see her as a villain and hate her and anger at being controlled when she runs wild. It’s rage at being used as a soldier to fulfill a role, being outright criticized and belittled when she is anything else, and doing so willingly because it’s the right thing to do, only for them to turn around and hate her for the very thing they wanted from her and see her as the ”bad guy of the group” for whom they can separate out all of their criticism of the dirty and immoral parts of war while never questioning their own role in it. It’s a rage she can’t let herself express in waking life because she knows her duty is to follow Jake, but she can definitely have subliminally in a way that shows up in her dreams. And it’s also a fear that whatever her excuses, whatever her intentions, it doesn’t matter because she really is a monster, she really is morally worse than the others, and it’s just pathetic to insist otherwise.

This particularly hurts her with regards to her relationship to Cassie. The thrust of their arc is that, as I said earlier, they start out despite their differences, recognizing the same kindness and unflinching moral conviction in each other as in themselves, but that same conviction leads them on entirely opposite paths. In #19 Rachel expresses frustration with Cassie quitting the team because it shows her worst fear is becoming like Rachel herself – how can Cassie care so much more about feeling for her own sake like she’s a good person than actually doing good in the world, when Rachel would very much want to do the same but is making a huge sacrifice not to, and then look at Rachel like there never was a similarity between them, Cassie was always the only good person and Rachel is revolting? In #48 she keeps telling herself it’s just paranoia, just a dream, just reading too much into it and her friends don’t really hate her, but then in #52 Cassie snapping at her, in Rachel’s mind, shows her worst fears to be true. And I think it’s one of the underrated tragic moments of the series how, when we see Rachel’s perspective facing her death at the beginning of #54, she believes only Tobias will object to Jake sacrificing her because he cares about Rachel. Cassie, she believes, will only be upset because of the emotional impact it will have on Jake having to make such a hard decision. We as readers know this isn’t true; in #53 Cassie’s reaction to finding out what is happening is to be furious at Jake and upset purely about Rachel, and when we see her point of view in #54 she is very much grieving for her. But since Rachel’s last interaction with Cassie was her telling her she’s a horrible person and confirming her fears, that’s what she believes, and Cassie never had a chance to tell her otherwise. Never knowing that the best friend she ever had still cared, had never truly written her off as a lost cause.