#SUNSHINE PERSONIFIED SOBBING

[billysgirllol]

you  yet  may  spy  the  fawn  at  play,  the  hare  upon  the  green;  but  the  sweet  face  of  l..ucy  g..ray  will  never  more  be  seen  […]  yet  some  maintain  that  to  this  day  she  is  a  living  child;  that  you  may  see  sweet  luc..y  gra..y  upon  the  lonesome  wild. 

@lucygraysboy

[stsgluver]

synopsis. suguru is spiralling and you don't know what to do.

wc. 750

tags. angst, fluff, not proofread :)

"you okay?"

suguru opened one eye and then two, the blistering sun above him now being blocked with your silhouette. his vision is slightly blurry - he wasn't sure how long he was asleep, maybe a few hours, maybe a few minutes. he's finding it more and more difficult to distinguish between days.

then there was you: a ray of sunshine personified. you're smiling down at him, his precious girlfriend whom he held so close and dear to his heart. it wouldn't be a stretch to suggest you were his one tether to sanity as he felt himself spiralling further and further towards a path of self-destruction.

"mhm," he hummed quietly, a large hand coming up to protect his eyes from the light, "class is just a little harder without yaga being distracted with satoru all the time." it wasn't a lie per se, as you grew closer to graduation and yaga focused more on perfecting your cursed techniques, classes had increased significantly in difficulty. for suguru, who already was having to deal with the pressure of often being the only special grade sorcerer on campus, on top of his own moral dilemmas, the stress was taking a clear physical toll on him.

you could only imagine what was going on up there, in the depths of his vulnerable mind.

nonetheless, you wanted to believe that nothing was truly wrong and he needed you to believe that he was still just your suguru. he could not afford to lose you too.

so you didn't ask again. the dismissive answers he would give you unsettled you but then he'd smile and kiss you and you'd feel compelled to trust him. but that smile wouldn't quite reach his eyes and his lips were chapped and raw from where he'd picked them late at night as he sat up in crisis.

still, were there for him every day.

suguru woke up to you holding him close to your chest as your fingers gently brushed through his hair. you'd begun to fit putting his hair up into your own schedule as he struggled with the overwhelming task of getting up to continue on as a sorcerer. between classes, you'd always treat him to a drink and a bag of whatever he fancied at the vending machine. when the students from kyoto and tokyo arranged a get-together, and suguru dreaded the idea of being surrounded by so many given his state of being, you were the one to take the fall, citing the flu and claiming you required him at home.

that was the day you found him in the shower. after saying he'd only take fifteen minutes, twenty-five had passed and when you timidly knocked on the bathroom door, there was no response.

"suguru?" you repeated his name into the room thick with steam as you pushed the door open ajar ever so slightly. there's still no response and there's a pit in your stomach as all possible worst-case scenarios flickered through your mind.

then you heard it: a light sniffle barely audible over the sound of running water. he's been crying.

you slipped into the bathroom and, instantly, your body went into autopilot - it's only priority being suguru and you didn't even bother to take off your clothes as you stepped into the shower.

his back was facing you and his head was dropped down slightly as he rested his forearms on the wall in front of him. the hot water ran over his back freely but did little to ease the knots in his shoulders.

if he's shocked by your presence, he didn't show it. you were silent as you wrapped your arms around his middle, your thin top becoming a second skin as you get drenched under the shower head. his sobs broke your heart and you wished that you could remove all the curses from his body, that he wasn't 'blessed' with such a technique where negativity literally coursed through his veins.

you hesitantly rested your head against his shoulder blades. suguru had been so concerned about maintaining a facade, you didn't want him to lash out at you for pushing a boundary.

he didn't push you away - in fact seconds later he blindly reached for one of your hands and you didn't hesitate to intertwine your fingers. you gave them one light squeeze to let him know you're there and you always will be and he returned it back three times.

i love you. i need you. never leave me.

a/n. I just want to be one of his girls

[elslovers]

Abby x Reader ANGSTTTTTTT PLEASEEEEE

NEED YOU

Modern!abby x reader

Your knee is blood, dripping down onto your calf at a pace so slow and painful it almost feels taunting.

This is how you operate, after all. First, you get a gut feeling your girlfriend of almost a year becomes distant for a day or two, making the alarm bells in your mind ring at total volume, which then makes you cold and defensive whenever she does offer you the love you crave so deeply then you lose it a little sneaking glance at her phone when she's taking a piss in the bathroom of your shared apartment until you finally give into your crazy and search her phone and find the same thing you always find some other girls half naked body in her inbox that she didn't even bother to hide because she knew you'd never leave her the same sequence of events had went down tonight some girl whose name you didn't bother to learn had her body spread out across the screen of Abby's phone staring down as it shook in your hand she caught you - or rather you let her catch you which started a fight that would last hours.

You are demanding to know why you weren't enough

Her screaming so loudly you thought she must be shredding her lungs

You are shaking and sobbing like a child

Her begging for forgiveness

It was a cycle. It happened every few months like clockwork Dina had begged you to leave, but you loved Abby and were convinced you could work through it

Until the night

Every person has a breaking point, and you had finally reached yours. The cycle was breaking, and right from the start, you both knew it. The moment you saw the picture your face hardened, the soft, personified sunshine of a human being Abby had known slipping through her fingertips. She had finally broken you

You didn't say a word as you tugged on your shoes, your hands shaking but refusing to let a single tear fall.

You wouldn't give her the satisfaction of letting her see you break again

"Fucking answer me."

She shouted, but her voice was so low it sent a chill through every atom of your body.

"Tell me what the fuck you're doing."

Abby screamed a little harder, a sob echoing in her chest as she watched you search for your car keys, pacing around your shared space for your wallet

You refused to look her in the eye partly because she didn't deserve it and partly because you knew if you had, you'd give in, and she would be petting your hair and touching you all night until it didn't hurt so bad.

Promising you were the only girl for her

Until the next girl came along

But there wouldn't be a next time

"Don't leave-"

Was the last broken sob masing as a sentence you heard before you slammed the door shut

Now here you were, a skinned knee from stumbling around an empty parking lot, bottle of vodka in hand, cranberry juice in the other.

You were certain Abby had already buried her hurt in someone else's pussy

But you weren't here

So vodka would have to do

It had all been so good when you had first plummeted into love with Abby Anderson.

She met you at a party. You were standing all alone in the corner, out of place, and anxious her your saving grace

She tore you out of your comfort zone as nothing more than a new friend for weeks liking the game of seeing your cheeks light up when she complimented you are enjoying the power of being the only person you could cling to at a party she got you safe with her trust wasn't in your nature so it took some time she spent many nights making you think something would happen and never giving in just so you knew she wasn't going to hurt you as people had before but once she knew she had you melting down the palm of her hand trust oozing out of you she gave in bringing you flowers writing you notes and touching you in ways you didn't know existed.

Abby was your light in the darkness

And she always promised you were hers

So where had it all gone wrong

You wrap your lips around the bottle, a sob leaving them, alcohol spilling down your chin as you sit on the cement.

Reflecting, you knew it was after your first fight. You were terrified to come out to your friends and even know you didn't know why Ellie was out, and no one cared, but when it came to your own sexuality, you knew it would shock people, and nothing scared you more than the idea of not living up to people's expectations of you or at least you thought until you saw Abby angry

The way her face would go red, every muscle in her body towering over her blue eyes growing so dark, they made you feel like you wished you never existed, to begin with

Her voice was so loud

So angry

Telling you that if you didn't want to be out with her, she would find someone who did

And Abby makes good on her promises, wasting no time finding a girl to parade around until you came crawling back, which, of course, you did coming out to your friends a day after

It was always something along those lines, an expectation of abbys you failed to meet, so she found someone else who will. Tonight she was mad because you were scared for her to properly meet your friends, who naturally were not her biggest fan.

So she found someone else

Anyone else

And you found the bottom of a bottle

Love was funny how easily it started to feel like hate. You loved Abby, and you hated her, and you didn't think both could be true.

But you both knew you needed her.

Without her, you were alone. You had friends, Ellie and Dina Jesse, when he found the time, but no one saw you like Abby did, and all you really wanted was to be seen

As much as Abby hurt you, she lit you up from the inside and made you a brighter, bolder you.

That's the trouble with relying on someone to light you up they can snuff you out just as fast

You were so drunk you couldn't see her name as you dialed it, laying it beside your ear.

She picked up after the second ring, the voice on the other line cold, but her sobs counteracted her anger

"The actual fuck do you want"

Abby hissed through the phone lines causing you to flinch the pain from your wound paling in comparison to the pain her voice gave you

"Need your abs."

You slurred your words, your heavy eyelids starting to close, seeing stars that weren't really there, the alcohol finally taking its full toll

Your words and the sound of your voice set off every possible alarm bell in Abby's mind

What the fuck has she done to you?

She questioned over and over, desperately tracking your phone with shaking hands, vision blurred from the tears

It wasn't long before she had you tucked into your shared bed

The same bed where she entertained photos of other women right beside you

That was the only part your mind could focus on

"Dont fuckin touch me"

Your slurred hiss sounded so pathetic against her big hands forcing you onto your side and tucking her body beside you

"Let me make it better."

Abby whispered, broken in your ear, brushing your hair down with the palm of her hand, her tears leaking onto your shoulder

"Let me hold my girl let me kiss away your hurt- I've fucked up a lot, and I know this. I can fucking see it now, but I can make it better. Let me show you how much I want you."

She pleaded so desperately you couldn't help but let your crumble a bit as it always did

But much to Abby's dismay, you shook your head body desperately pulling away from hers

"I need you abs, but I don't think I want you anymore."

[jaeyunluvr]

MOOT GAME!

If your mutuals were kpop idols based on their personality, who would it be and why?

OKAY GOOOOO

@minhosimthings jay from enha- you're mother. just as jay is father, you're mother. and you're expensive. and you are insane. i don't want to explain further.

@hoonvrs sunghoon from enha- i've said this already but i literally think you're just sunghoon. you're sunghoon lurking on enhablr using translation apps and writing with the help of jake. hi hoon😊

@amazzwon jungwon from enha- BECAUSE SHE'S LITERALLY SO ADORABLE YALL DONT GET IT😭✋ like come here you lil kitty get into my pocket

@enha-stars sunwoo from the boyz- first of all i think i'm sunwoo from the boyz because i'm as unhinged, random as him and i really have an i dont give a fuck attitude AND hana is literally the same?!!?! and also the collective drying over heeseung sessions💀 like we're so 🤞 she's my twin yall

@leaderwon joshua from seventeen- LITERALLY SOMEONE WHO INTERACTS WITH ME THE MOST (apart from mona) and the board paper rants make me feel like we're siblings 😭😭 quite literally no relation but i think you're joshua because i just KNOW YOU'RE PRETTY AS HELL

@yawnwonies hoshi from seventeen- talent, talent, talent. maple latte keeps me alive ngl and istg i wanna comment under everything you write because that's what is A R T.

@defnotfertilizedtoesw jungwoo from nct- CLEO MY BABY you're such a sunshine and such a cutie patootie fluff ball, your asks make my day and sending kisses and hugs your way for keeping my 'insanity because of my assignments' in check <33

@666booklover xiaojun from nct- yOU'RE A MEME and you also saved me from part time depression last night with all the heeseung fluff fics so just as xiaojun is a crazy man he's so </3 (i actually love you so much)

@karinasbaby mingyu from seventeen- again i think you actually look beautiful irl AND i've seen you stand up against hana's haters with a very long and valid note AND your reaction to my niki fluff post MADE MY DAY it was os genuine :( sobbing rn

@ak4e7a taeyong from nct- we haven't interacted a lot but the enha hyung like for eldest daughters actually made me cry and the reason i associated you w TY is cuz that man is comfort personified and also slay at the same time, just like you💅

tysm anon for this skjdksdj <3

[missmarj]

Platonic Gojo x Y/n relationship, Itadori Yuuji x Y/n

angst, MAJOR SPOILERS, mentions of death and grief

Itadori Yuuji is the sunshine personified.

So it only made sense that it is pouring heavily right now. That everyone he had left feels numb and cold, with dark heavy clouds of sorrow looming over your heads.

Gojo always thought people like Yuuji, you come across them just once in this lifetime. And he was right.. Gojo hates it when he turns out right. Because against his better judgement, he always does things that he knows will end up hurting him in the end.

Like getting attached to the kid he swore he'll only use to get to Sukuna.. and encouraging you to dive in head first when you confided that you have fallen in love with your fellow student with the reasoning that, "You'll only regret it more if you did not say anything."

Seeing you now, distraught and in agony with the loss of your soulmate has Gojo's heart searing in familiar pain. He had been in your shoes before. Losing someone you love, losing your best friend.

He stands corrected still.. Love being the greatest curse there is.

Now, here you and Gojo sit in the quietness of the student dorms with nothing but grief and your broken hearts. Aside from the water rushing on the river nearby and the pitter patter of the rain against the ground and small puddles it made, there were your soft sniffles and restrained sobs.

The other students are all confined in their rooms, dealing with their grief in their own ways. But you chose to sit out here in front of the dorm building, tearful gaze trained on the arch, willing Yuuji to come walking through there one last time. And Gojo sat with you hoping the same thing even though he was there when the young man left the world.

Without saying anything, Gojo pulls you to him. Somehow, this gesture makes the agony you feel even more intense. Your walls are crumbling all around you, it was as if his pain and yours became one and all you could do to alleviate it was sob in your teacher's chest.

Gojo was once again grateful to the cloth hiding his eyes because he was able to appear strong for you. He strokes your hair, planting a chaste kiss on your forehead as he keeps you there in his embrace. He lets you cry as hard as you could, curling in on yourself as you muffle your screams against Gojo's strong chest until you just couldn't anymore. Until your throat was hoarse, until your eyes felt dry from all the tears you cried.

For the first time in a while, Gojo was quiet. Mainly because he fears you'll hear the crack in his voice if ever tries to say words of comfort he knows will do nothing to rid you of the pain currently wrecking your insides anyway. Afraid that you'll read through his facade and know that he's just as broken as you are at the moment.

So he just holds you through it, until your cries fade into soft whimpers and deep sighs.

Exhaustion finally hits you and you sag against your mentor's chest. Gojo sees the sleepless nights finally catches up with you and he whispers, "Rest, Y/n. Don't fight it."

So you let your eyes fall close and let the man you entrusted with your life and the boy you love pull you up in his arms to carry you.

Gojo lays you in bed. And without opening your eyes you knew he didn't carry you to your room but to Yuuji's. When the teacher sees your face crumpling as he tucks you in with your boyfriend's blanket that still smells just like him, sees tears coming to line the lashes of your closed eyes, he places a gentle hand against your cheek and asks, "Do you want me to stay?"

Before you could even finish nodding, Gojo was crawling to your side and pulling you to his chest.

"I miss him already." You whimper, bunching your mentor's uniform in your fist. Gojo's lip quivers for a second as his gaze dances around his student's room. Gojo sees everything for the first time. The small trinkets he had given Yuuji overtime by his dresser, photographs of them over the holidays plastered haphazardly on the walls, some wrappers of the mochi he had given Yuuji just recently still on the small table by his window..

Gojo blinks away the tears before they could fully form, quickly recomposing himself for you. He needs you now, he can deal with his grief later.

He pats your arm gently, as if he's putting a babe to sleep. Gojo admits uncharacteristically in a soft voice, saying, "I miss the brat too. More than I could possibly have thought I would." He smirks as he pulls you just enough to make you look up at him. "He's probably smug about this now. That we're all missing him this much."

Gojo lets out a half hearted laugh and you do too, smiling through your tears. "But of course, once he's over that, I'm sure he'll feel extremely bad seeing all of us this upset." Gojo wipes the fresh tear that slides past the bridge of your nose with his forefinger, murmuring, "You especially."

At this, you sigh. Your cloudy gaze falling on your fingers mindlessly still grasping at Gojo's uniform.

"So cry it all out now." He tells you. "Hell, for the next few days or weeks. Until you feel like you've let it all out. Don't hold it all back to appear strong because there is no need for that." He squeezes you arm once and winks. "Because that's my job."

You look up at your teacher and realize he has taken off his blindfold. Gojo's eyes always held such power but at this very moment, all you feel is a sense of security. A wave of comfort washes over you and you sigh for the nth time today.

"Thank you, sensei." You mutter. Letting out a laugh when he pinches your nose playfully.

"Now, get some sleep. You're starting to look like Panda." Gojo teases and grins when you roll your eyes but feels you settle in his arms.

"Don't leave me too, okay?" You whisper as you close your eyes. Somehow, Gojo knew you meant not just now when you fall asleep. Realizing that at this point, you have lost more than anyone could bear in one lifetime.

And this only fortifies his resolve to make the world a better, safer place for the lot of you, his students. And for all the future Yuujis, Nobaras, Nanamis and Getos.. All those he failed to save.

"Never. I'll be here no matter what." Gojo whispers against the top of your head, his hold on you subconsciously tightening. "Sleep well." He wishes you and hopes that by the moment you open your eyes again, you'll feel at least a little better.

"You too, sensei." You whisper, patting his chest sleepily back as if mimicking what he is doing to your arm earlier that Gojo laughs. His quiet laughter fades though and his heart clenches when he hears you say, "You know we'll always be here for you too."

[ezralva]

10 JJK favorite characters and why? Doesn't matter dead or alive

First off, thanks for making it 10 instead of 5 so I can do my boys and girl justice. Since you asked for 'why' then knowing me, it won't be concise lol

Suguru: actually 1st place is both Suguru and Choso. It's very very hard for me to choose one out of the other but if I really have to rank then Suguru has more plus point in that, from reader's pov, he has deeper characterization and overall more developed thanks to his role in the story. Also a more complicated character which makes analyzing him more interesting. His design, appearance, techniques makes him the coolest jjk character for me.

Choso: from the 1st time he was shown and opened his mouth it was hook, line, and sinker, no turning back for me. I kinda see him as a single-minded character which is a trait that is usually be hit-or-miss in fictional character. It cud be either quickly redundant, boring, and underdeveloped or the exact opposite. For me Choso is the latter and all the positive praises. I love how Gege-sen chose his storyline until now. He has the best design out of all jjk chara. I love everything about him. Hottest character in JJK. Hotter than the sun and magma. Period.

Nanamin: I honestly cudn't find a single thing I cud dislike from this man, except myb the fact I wish we get to see him more w/o glasses on cz he has those pretty piercing gaze which I like. Has the best personality out of all adults in JJK (women chara included). He's what my friend and I said, the type of guy who wud easily pass any marriage interviews just being his true self, w/o even trying to impress the other party. And the kind that effortlessly nails all requirements of a son-in-law for many asian parents lmao, even if he himself doesn't wanna get married. Nothing but praise for his attitude and mannerisms.

Noritoshi (smol) : I've always loved underdog and this one is criminally, unfairly underrated. Added to that a pretty boy with family issues, sobbing backstory, who has great potential like him. One of jjk characters whose character development is so jarring and makes him a much better person. Seriously, if only he gets more showtime and is developed further. I love both his old and new design. Imo the way he's drawn is unique and quite different from others. Hopefully he's saved for more bigger role in the end w/o being disposed. He's not to be wasted.

Gojo: While I've never had a 'Gojo phase' whichever arc it's in, and while the concept of a loud, happy-go-lucky, rulebender, free-spirited, good-looking character who is great at everything he does isn't new to me, I found him very interesting as a character in that the way he was written is often contradictory and the way he's narrated making him more complicated than he actually is. I'd say Geto is the more complicated out of the two, but despite having much more showtime and elaborate backstory, Gojo rarely is shown being contemplative (for readers' sake) nor offers deeper insights of him as a character than what he's willing to give so it makes speculating abt him more intriguing.

Inumaki: Has one of the coolest CT in JJK, his design and characterization the most unique of all. Another great potential that is unfairly wasted that Gege doesn't even bother to give more of his backstory or development. Ultimate bishounen of JJK like nobody can even compare, followed closely by Suguru and Noritoshi yet he still wins by a margin.

Yuuji: It's hard not to like this sunshine personified. We can see how good Wasuke's upbringing was from the way he treats others close to him or total strangers. Polite and kind. All positive energy so his dynamic easily works with other characters well.

Yuuta: Also has one of the best character developments out of all. I just love it when a quiet or meek character suddenly turned unhinged after being prodded right. Love how cool and composed he is after coming back from overseas (on the outside) and still a precious cinnamon roll inside.

Shoko: Man, I just vibe with this girl in dna level. I'm literally like her irl except that I don't smoke. Do the job, do it right, chill, and dgaf abt everything else (on the surface). She's the character I can relate the most.

Higuruma-san: just...how can I not be excited when there's suddenly a nearly 40 y.o BAMF, awesome, cool ojisan in a shounen manga where all the powerful popular characters are either teens or late twenties or more than centuries old...I like his backstory, his perspectives on both his old world and the way he takes things in stride with his new world. A dark-haired as well, which is a plus.

[sagesolsticewrites]

It’s Nice To Have A Friend | Dixie Locke x Reader

Your childhood friend Dixie comes to you for comfort after Elvis breaks up with her at prom. In the months after, you get to spend more and more time together, and you discover something new about your feelings towards her. Better keep that under wraps, it’s not like she’ll ever feel the same… right?

a/n: So sorry I’ve been gone for so long y’all! Final semester of college is definitely not easy 😭 Hopefully this makes up at least a little bit for my absence! I spent two weeks writing this (writer’s block smh 😭), and I've fallen fully in love with Natasha’s Dixie 🥺

Word count: 2850

Warnings: a couple swear words, Dixie being sunshine personified, I think that's it? As always, please let me know if I missed anything!

Please like/rb if you enjoyed! 🤍

Masterlist | add yourself to my taglist!

Knock, knock

It’s been about 15 minutes since your date dropped you off at home when you hear a knock at your door. You slip the last bobby pin out of your hair as you swing the door open to reveal your best friend of 10 years with tears streaming down her face.

“Dixie, what’s wrong?” you ask, concerned, stepping aside to let her in.

“Elvis—” she sniffles, “Elvis broke up with me.” She sobs, her carefully-applied makeup turning into messy streaks down her face.

“Oh, Dixie,” you pull her into a hug as she buries her face in your shoulder. “Honey… I’m so, so sorry. I’ll happily punch him in his pretty face if you want.” You joke, and you feel her laugh wetly against your shoulder. “I’m serious, though. You don’t deserve that, especially on prom night.”

“Thank you,” she says softly, “Can I just… stay here for a bit? I don’t want to think about him right now.”

“Of course,” you say, “I have ice cream and Frank Sinatra records, we can just hang out in my room like we used to.”

She grins at you, wiping away the last few tears on her face, “I’d love that.”

The two of you spend most of the night in your room, listening to Dixie’s favorite Sinatra records and avoiding any conversation of Elvis.

•••

Over the next few months, you and Dixie get to spend more time together than you ever had while she and Elvis were dating. Dixie has sworn off boys for the moment, claiming that she doesn’t want to risk another “Elvis situation” happening, which you absolutely understand. You thought the two of them were going to be together forever, but for him to just drop her like that? She deserved better.

I’d treat her better.

You’re mindlessly doing chores when the thought pops into your head unprompted, and you shake yourself. What? No, Dixie’s your best friend, and that’s it. You’re just being a good friend and helping her recover from her breakup. Sure, you’ll sometimes feel a spark if your hands brush while walking, or you’ll catch yourself staring at her lips as she talks and have to force yourself to focus on what she’s saying and not where the words are coming from, or you’ll get something akin to butterflies when she turns that sunshine-bright smile towards you, or—

Oh.

You freeze in the middle of folding your laundry and collapse to sit on the edge of your bed as the realization hits you.

You’re in love with your best friend Dixie Locke.

This realization is quickly followed by another one: you can’t ever tell her.

There was absolutely no way she’d ever feel the same, and even if you know she’d reject you in the sweetest way possible, you don’t want to ruin your friendship by telling her. Admitting your feelings would change your relationship in a way that couldn’t ever be undone, if she even wanted to stay friends, and you know you won’t be able to handle that after 10 years of being her best friend.

The only solution you can think of is simply… hiding your feelings. Pushing them down until they disappear. Because they have to at some point, right?

•••

Wrong, you decide when Dixie asks you to come dress shopping with her after a month of you pushing down your newfound feelings with no sign of them fading. So very, very wrong.

You feel like your heart’s going to burst every time Dixie steps out of the dressing room to ask your opinion on a dress. How did you ever survive seeing her like this? Her sunshine bright smile, the little giggles of glee as she steps out in a new dress…

“What do you think?” Dixie asks as she steps out in a soft blue dress patterned with daisies. She twirls her way to the mirror as you take her in and try to remember what words are.

“That color is perfect,” you settle on as you stand behind her, taking in her reflection. You can’t resist adding on a quiet “you look gorgeous,” and it’s absolutely worth it when her sparkling brown eyes meet yours in the mirror as her face lights up with a smile. You return the smile, your gaze flicking down to her lips for a split second before you remember yourself and step back.

Dixie’s smile fades slightly at the distance you put between the two of you, but she recovers quickly. “So, this is the one?” she asks brightly, fiddling with one of the embroidered daisies.

“Well, if it were up to me I’d say buy all of them,” you tease, the butterflies in your stomach going haywire as she giggles. “But if we have to choose one… yes, I really like that one.”

“This one it is!” she chirps, giving one final twirl before slipping back into the dressing room.

“Now it’s your turn,” she announces brightly as she steps out of the dressing room one final time.

You blink, baffled, “My turn? Dixie I already told you, I don’t need any new dress—”

She cuts you off with a wave of her hand, “Oh hush, you don’t have to buy one, I promise. But trying them on is half the fun! I saw a few that I really think you’ll love.” She punctuates her last statement with a slight tilt of her head, looking up at you with those pretty, pleading eyes that she knows you can’t resist. Minx.

“Fine,” you relent with a groan, and Dixie squeals with delight, shoving you into the dressing room before rushing off to find her selections for you.

•••

“Y/N, come on, I wanna see!” Dixie calls from outside the dressing room.

You sigh, smoothing down the skirt once more, and finally step out to where Dixie’s waiting. “This dress is gorgeous, Dixie, but I really don’t think—”You're cut off at the sight of Dixie staring at you, her jaw dropped.

“What?” You ask, suddenly self-conscious. Did it not fit right? Dixie had made sure to pick one out in your favorite color, but was it not looking right on you?

“Uh… nothing, I just…” she seems to shake herself out of… whatever odd mood she’s in and continues, “You look gorgeous, that dress is absolutely perfect.”

Her voice is softer, more… sincere, for lack of a better term, than her usual bright chirps, and it sends warmth flooding through your body right down to your toes.

“You really think so?” You ask, turning to look at yourself in the mirror and praying she doesn’t notice the blush flooding your face.

“Absolutely,” she beams, meeting your eyes in the mirror as she comes up behind you, “You should get it.”

“Dixie,” the rosy spell her compliment has on you is broken as you turn to face her and say, “Even if I did get it, where would I wear it? You know I hardly ever go out.”

Dixie thinks for a moment. “Well, we haven’t had a real girl’s day in a bit. We could go out in our new dresses, get breakfast, lunch, just make a day of it.” she suggests, and you can’t resist the sparkle in her eyes at the idea. You nod, your smile widening, and she lets out another squeal of delight.

•••

The next Saturday, you step outside to meet Dixie with a smile and a paper bag in hand.

“Ready to go?” She asks, grinning.

“Of course!” you reply, “Mama didn’t want us spending money on both breakfast and lunch so she packed us a couple doughnuts,” you gesture to the paper bag, “and I have money for coffee from the diner if you want.”

“That sounds perfect,” Dixie beams

You and Dixie spend the morning walking around Tom Lee Park. Your heart swells every time Dixie points out a cloud or stops to say hello to a bird, and you pray she doesn’t notice how much you’re staring at her as the sunlight shines in a halo around her head.

After you’ve exhausted yourselves at the park, the two of you make your way to the Arcade restaurant. You avoid mentioning that this is Elvis’s favorite restaurant, as Dixie surely knows, and instead silently pray that Elvis decides not to come here today. The last thing either of you— especially Dixie— need today is Elvis showing up to ruin your perfectly nice day.

Your prayers unfortunately go unanswered as, shortly after your food is delivered to the little booth you and Dixie are sharing, the bell at the door rings signaling the arrival of another customer. Both you and Dixie turn at the sound, and your blood boils at the sight of the boy who broke Dixie’s heart entering the restaurant. You turn back to Dixie with a gentle nod and say softly, “Just ignore him.”

This plan works… until it doesn’t, as Elvis makes a beeline towards where you and Dixie are sitting at the back of the diner.

You straighten up, making no attempt to hide your frown as he approaches the table. “Elvis,” you greet, deadpan, once it’s clear that you can’t exactly ignore him standing right next to you.

“Uh, hey Y/N, Dixie,” he says with a nervous nod at both of you.

“What do you want, Elvis?” Dixie asks softly, refusing to even look up from the basket of fries the two of you were sharing.

“Look, Dixie, uh… can we talk?” His eyes flick over to you for a split second before he adds, “Alone?”

Dixie is silent for a bit, weighing her options. Eventually, she sighs, “Fine.”

You push down your apprehension and give her an encouraging nod as she slides out of the booth and follows Elvis over to a quiet corner of the diner. Your eyes are subtly locked on Elvis as they enter what looks like a fairly heated discussion, and your fingers clench around the fabric of your skirt. If he does anything to hurt your gi— friend. Your friend. — you’re not above making good on your promise to punch him.

“Dixie— Dixie, wait, come on!” you hear Elvis call, and you glance up from your milkshake to see Dixie storming out of the diner. What did he do now? You shoot him a fierce glare before rushing off after Dixie.

•••

Your concern for Dixie dips into icy terror as you step outside and there’s no sign of her anywhere. Your heart stutters in your chest as you frantically look around for any sign of the sky blue dress or a familiar flash of chocolate brown hair. After several moments of frantic searching, you follow the sound of someone sobbing down an alley next to the diner, where you find Dixie perched on an old crate, angrily wiping away tears.

“There you are!” You cry, relief flooding your chest before you realize the state she’s in. “Dix? What’s wrong? Did something happen, are you hurt?”

She shakes her head, waving off your catastrophizing. “No, nothing like that, I promise. I’m fine. I didn’t mean to worry you, I just… him.”

Her usually warm, comforting voice turns icy as she all but spits the last word.

“Woah, okay,” you sit next to her, taking her hand in yours, “what happened?”

“He…” she works to compose herself for a moment, then continues “He apologized, said he was awful for doing that to me, but he—” she gives a dry, humorless laugh, “He wants to get back together.”

“And… what do you want?” you say cautiously, trying to rein in your shock.

She shakes her head, “I don’t know! I… I hate him, for what he did, but at the same time I missed him so much, but I think I might have feelings for someone else and—” Her hand is pulled from your grasp as she claps it over her mouth, her wide eyes an indication that she definitely didn’t mean to tell you that.

“Wait, what?” You stare at her, trying and failing to hide the shock and hurt on your face. Dixie liked someone and she didn’t tell you? “Who?”

She shakes her head, dropping her hand to rest at her side, her fingers just brushing yours. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? Dix, come on, you’re my best friend, you know you can talk to me about this.” You take her hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I can’t, though,” she says softly, removing her hand from your grasp as she stands up and turns away from you, her eyes locked on the dirty concrete beneath her.

You’re about to ask again, plead with her to just talk to you— you’ve never kept secrets from each other, not once in your 10 years of friendship— when she takes a breath, as if she’s steeling herself for something, and says, so softly you almost don’t hear her, “I can’t tell you because… because it’s you.”

It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.

Her words ring in your ears as you try to process what she just said.

“It’s… what?”

“The person I like is… you.” She reluctantly meets your eyes, “I just… I know that you’re my best friend and I’m not supposed to like you like that—”

“Dixie—” you stand, trying to interject, but she continues rambling.

“But I’ve loved spending time with you these past few months! And I realized… I don’t wanna stop spending time with you, I mean you’re just wonderful, and I completely understand if you wanna stop being friends now—”

“Dixie!” You interject again, grasping her hands and forcing her attention onto you. She blinks out of her anxious rambling and—

Time freezes. Her anxiety-filled brown eyes meet yours, and every word you were planning to say— assurance that you feel the same, a confession of how long you’ve been pining for her— vanishes from your brain. Acting on pure instinct, you do something you’ve been longing to do all day: you lean in and crash your lips onto hers.

Your hands come up to cup her face as your lips move in sync, and you swallow a gasp as her hands come to rest gently, tentatively at your waist.

Once the need for air gets the better of you, you reluctantly pull away, praying you didn’t just ruin everything. Your eyes flutter open to find Dixie staring at you, eyes wide, cheeks flushed.

“Oh.”

You let out a nervous laugh, “Yeah, um. I… I like you, too. In case it wasn’t clear.”

Dixie is still staring at you in disbelief as she processes what just happened. “I— I never thought—” she eventually composes herself, asking tentatively, “When did you…?” She trails off, her nervous eyes meeting yours once again, and you know what she’s asking.

“I figured it out a little over a month ago,” you admit with a soft laugh, “I thought I could just… ignore it, that what I felt for you would go away in time, but…” you meet her eyes with a tender smile, “That’s not quite what happened.”

“Well,” she begins shyly; she leans in and lets her lips just barely brush against yours before leaning back to say softly. “I’m glad that’s not what happened.”

Beaming, you pull her in for another kiss; not a frantic, impulsive crashing of lips together like your first one had been, no. This was a delicate, deliberate, toe-curling brush of your lips on hers, one hand gently cupping her cheek as if it were made of porcelain as her arms twined around your neck, pulling you closer as your other arm wrapped around her waist.

She pulls away with a soft giggle, remaining close enough that her nose still brushes yours as she says, her wide brown eyes sparkling up at you, “We, um… we should probably get back inside.”

You nod in agreement, and the two of you duck back into the diner, your hands clasped as you return to your seats.

•••

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch Elvis at a nearby table with his bandmates, staring at yours and Dixie’s joined hands. You turn towards him, expecting something akin to a jealous glare, but instead are surprised to see nothing but an understanding smile on his face. He meets your eyes and, after giving you a respectful nod, returns to his conversation with Bill and Scotty.

Your attention returns to Dixie as she squeezes your hand, and doesn’t leave until you return home that evening. You turn to her as you approach your house, suddenly unsure of how to bid your… friend? girlfriend? what were the two of you now? farewell.

Dixie, normally so shy and reserved, surprises you by quickly pressing her lips to your cheek.

“I’ll be looking forward to our next date,” she says with a grin before leaving with a simple wave goodbye, leaving you standing on your porch with a stunned smile.

Next date, huh? you think to yourself as you step inside. There was that one bookstore you’d been wanting to show her…

Taglist: @queenslandlover-93 @anangelwhodidntfall @austin-butlers-gf @butlersluvbot @killerqueenfan @kittenlittle24 @beauvibaby @kingelviscreole @justjacesstuff @sweetheartlizzie07 @coldonexx @londonalozzy @kaycinema @annamarie16 @adoreyouusugar @djconde58 @mirandastuckinthe80s @luke-my-skywalker @tubble-wubble @apparently-sunshine @kisseskae @whotfatemywaffles @gyomei-tiddies @friedwangsss @shynovelist @sassy-ahsoka-tano @she-is-juniper @hallecarey1 @adoreyouusugar @iheartcbe @nora-nexus-34 @finelineskies

[murderbirds]

My top 5 Gotham ships no one else cares about (and why I love them)

A silly little list with the silly little ships I see no one (or very few people) talk about. I also genuinely believe Gotham would have been better if these ships were canon or at the very least give some more depth to characters who needed it, but hey just my silly little opinion.

1- Fish X Gertrude

Listen. Fish already calls herself Oswald's mama, why not make it canon? Of course, that isn't the only reason why I love this ship almost as much as I love Nygmobblepot. I am a huge sucker for 'evil', broken character who is made better by a character who is a literal sunshine and that would be their dynamic. Fish is someone who fought to get where she did her entire life, she is teeth and nails dressed in red, but what happens when someone who has only been shown pain and anger meets kindness and care for the first time? If I remember correctly, Fish's club opened 20 years prior to the show, so, imagine if you may, what if Gertrude began working for Fish as a cook and bartender to take care of Oswald, but instead of becoming more hardened like everyone else does, Gertrude never loses her kindness, something that shakes up Fish along with her dedication with her son (something she knows well from her own mother) and before she knows it Fish has fallen for this simple woman who is sunshine personified. Oswald grows up mistrusting Fish, but neither of them allow Gertrude to learn about the "dark" side of their lives. In this version, Fish doesn't want to 'kill' Oswald, but Falcone insists after his betrayal as a display of loyalty. Fish truly sees him as her own son and his heartbroken while Oswald thinks that all of his mistrusts were true and that this woman needs to be taken down before she takes away what is most important to him: his mother.

In this version, Fish allows Oswald to kill her on that roof, but Oswald doesn't realize this. At first, Oswald is happy, he is finally king of Gotham, but he is forced to watch as his mother forever waits for his love who he knows will never come back. It's a bittersweet victory and, after a while, Oswald starts missing Fish as well.

Imagine, if you will, after Gertrude dies and Fish comes back, she comes back home to try to find her wife, asking Oswald where his mother is while Oswald tells Fish through broken sobs that she is gone and it is all his fault. Of course, Oswald expects Fish to be angry at him, hate him, even shoot him, but she doesn't. She wraps her arms around him and both of them cry in each other's arms to mourn for the person in their life who brought them together, finally as family.

-----------------------------------------------

2- Victor Zsasz X Lucius Fox

The main reason why I like this ship so much is their personalities. Victor is the most chill, easygoing character in Gotham, a character that is aloof to everything and everyone. Lucius is the opposite. He is a workaholic with a tendency of making other people's problems his own. They are opposites, but in a way where they make each other better: Vic helps Lucius relax and chill and Lucius shows Vic why there are people that is worth caring for.

Little headcanon of mine, but I like to think that Victor and Lucius have been secretly dating for years, right under Jim's nose. Lucius is the one who prevents Victor from being caught by Jim and crew. I think they would have broken up in season 4 after Vic betrays Oswald, but get back together shortly after Vic is nearly killed. They are the ultimate Nerd X Bad Boy and I think they are pretty neat.

-----------------------------------------------

3- Barbara Kean X Renee Montoya

The one and only canon ship here. I'm sorry Tabitha fans, but Tabitha kinda deserved to die, not to mention, Tabitha never loved Barbara. She was in love with Butch, so much so that love got her killed. If only she had listen to Barbara. It was a beautiful, poetic death.

That being sad, it kinda sucks Barbara was left all alone. Now, when it comes to Barbara, she is such a tragic character that is so poorly written, all relationships in her life are extremely toxic, from her parents to Jim who never loved her, he only loved the perfect mask that she wore for that very purpose. You know who was the only person who saw past that mask and still loved her enough so for both of their sakes? Renee Montoya. It's bad how she broke up with her, but it makes sense. More importantly, Renee was right. They were making each other worse, falling back into an addiction that was each other. Neither of them were ready back then.

But here is the beautiful thing about people, they can change, evolve and grow and Barbara has grown. She saw the worst version she could be and was punished for it, she rejected it, but not in a way that pushed her back to the mask, she became her own person, someone not fully enveloped by darkness, but not willing to walk in the light either. We don't get to see Montoya after season 1, but maybe, just maybe, she has grown just as much.

-----------------------------------------------

4- Sofia Falcone X Nyssa Al Ghul

Not gonna lie, I like this ship because they could potentially be the perfect Nygmobblepot foil. While Nygmobblepot is messy, full of emotions and both sides are barely functional, these two have little to no emotions attached, they are together because it is useful to both parties and fun as well. They respect each other, but are willing to stab the other in the back in a heart beat and they know this and they are fine with that. Superficially, this is what Oswald and Edward want with each other, it's much easier than those messy feelings of theirs, but boy is that not what they are truly after, because love might be their biggest weakness, but both of them would die in a heartbeat for it, no matter how painful or messy it could be.

And yes, I know it is hypocritical of me to judge this show for using women for the sake of men and do this here, but hey, not all characters need to be deep. Sometimes a ship can be two bad bitches who are great together and make fun of everyone else who can't accomplish the same.

-----------------------------------------------

5- Firefly X Selina Kyle

The reason why I use Firefly here and not the name used in the show is because I headcanon that Firefly is Trans Masculine and later on adopts the name we see in the comics for himself.

Now, this isn't a never seen before ship or anything, but I have seen very few fics with these two and I wanted to add at least one hetero ship here and when it comes to Gotham, this is all that we can get as when a man and a woman are on screen in that show they have as little they can, probably because when that happens the woman in the relationship is generally diminished to either an object of desire, something that needs to be protected or something warped and E V I L that needs to be stopped or just plain out annoying. The only exception is women interacting with Oswald and he has 0 interest in them. Go figure. That being said, Selina had more chemistry with firefly way more than anyone else in the show with the exception of maybe Ivy, but, uh, I don't want to touch whatever this show did to Ivy with a 10ft pole, especially in a shipping context.

Back to these two, Selina is someone who acts like she doesn't care about people, but in reality she acts like a protector to quite a few people including Bruce, Ivy and Firefly, since I'm not talking about Ivy, the most interesting relationship is definitely between that Selina and Firefly as, with Bruce, their banter and will they won't they gets old real fast, which is a shame since I am a big Batcat fan in the comics.

Both Firefly and Cat are broken people who have seen the worst life has to offer from a very young age, but they react to this differently as these scars help Selina grow and mature while with Firefly, they push him into becoming a more violent and angry version of himself, one might say, the very type of person he once hated and wanted to escape. It's Selina's compassion and never ending loyalty to someone she knows is most likely gone that makes this ship so appealing. Selina even manages to touch Firefly's soul, enough so to convince him to protect her as they escape Arkham. It is a shame we didn't get to see more of them later on (and how OOC firefly becomes in season 4 with that whole scene where he threatens to burn Barbara, Tabitha, Selina and Ed) but I think that they would have eventually made up and possibly even become allies once more as Firefly lacked the jealousy and rivalry Ivy had with Selina. Perhaps, if things had gone a little differently, Firefly would have stayed by Selina's time the entire show.

[sunsetcorvid]

sunshine personified <3

does a little dance and then sobs of happiness

[hyunjinspark]

SCREAMING RN HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN TO EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR YOUR WRITING!!??! THIS CHAPTER HAD ME FUCKING SOBBING OMG LEMME BREATHE FOR A SEC SO I CAN FORM A COHERENT THOUGHT

okay first of all: yeonjun ily so fucking much i love his friendship with yn and i’m excited to hopefully see more of them in the future. yn being able to comfortably talk to him about everything, and yeonjun not discrediting her feelings i’m :((( it’s literally like the bare fucking minimum but people have been using my girl yn as their punching bag lately and i’m so glad she can turn to yeonjun without fear of her feelings being invalidated or being told she’s being annoying/selfish pls someone hug yn 🥲

if i talk too much about the ynbokkie fights i’ll cry but holy shit THE TENSION??! the entire party sequence so intense my girl just wanted to draw stars on jinnie’s cheeks and hang out with him but lix was like nope. side note, but i’m in awe of how you wrote felix in this chapter. like??? we’re all so accustomed to seeing him as sunshine personified but you did an incredible job at describing his frustrations, and you could tell these feelings had been building up for a while. super excited and also nervous for their future confrontation and i hope they’ll be able to sort it all out 🥲 i’m just dreading felix’s reaction when yn tells him she’s moving to the city

AKDJJSKSKS THE PARALLELS HOLY FUCKING SHIT I NEEDED TO PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO STOP MYSELF FROM SCREAMING BC ITS LIKE 3AM BUT HOLY SHIT?!! okay okay so i don’t remember which chapter, but yn said that she wanted a first date at the chateau. but when she tried to organise this with her ex, he bailed which caused her to blame herself for choosing a “boring” date and not taking into consideration that he didn’t like art. it makes me so sad that yn constantly thinks she’s selfish for wanting to do something she likes (god forbid she even THINKS about putting herself first for a change) but hyunjin !!!! when he was talking to chan about wanting to take yn on the EXACT same date she wanted to go on 🥹🥹 the way they’re the definition of soulmates, why would you even raise my standards this high?? my sweet boy was so worried DON’T WORRY HYUN YOU’LL HAVE THE BEST TIME ON YOUR DATE (also “friends” my ass, they’re practically married at this point. super excited to witness hyunjin.exe to malfunction when yn is all dolled up for their date 😌)

also idk how you manage to make hyunjin even more cute and adorable every single chapter istg it’s giving me unrealistic expectations and it’s honestly ridiculous how much i love him 😭😭 my sweet baby was so confused and upset when yn said he didn’t “have to” sit with her, like it was some sort of obligation instead of him genuinely enjoying her company. and then we had a kkami cameo (kkameo?) pls kkami always choosing chaos and making hyunjin’s life so difficult but i just KNOW he was the embodiment of boyfriend material when they visited the store. also the contrast between him quickly managing to finish his painting (after gaining inspiration from what i presume was him having fun with yn at the party) and then getting art block when he’s confused about his feelings/where he and yn stand ?? that’s poetry right there yn is his muse. and CHAN !!! CHAN MY BELOVED HI !!!! pls he’s so funny and chaotic; i love that hyun is basically proclaiming his love in the group chat every other day and 3racha has a fucking bet going on to see how long it takes for him to realise his feelings 💀 i love them your honour. i think that a key reason why hyunjin didn’t kiss her (despite VERYYY obviously wanting to) is because he’s seen first hand the difficulties of dating an idol and he cares too much about her to put her though the constant scrutiny of the media. but i’m super happy that ynjinnie are slowly starting to finally realise and unpick their feelings for each other. anyways this was such an incredible chapter (as always 💖💖) and i’m so sorry for rambling lmao i just have a lot of thoughts about them akdjjsksks (also can i be 🎐 anon if it’s not taken)

hi!! thank you so much for sending such a detailed review. 🥺 had a long day and finally got the time to reply to everything !

i loved reading this so much. you’re so very right, yn has been a punching bag as of late and to hear her feelings are valid is so important to her, especially from yeonjun !! he’s doing the most right now. 😫

the party sequence was intense indeed and im so happy you liked the way i wrote his character 😓 clearly he’s been feeling this stuff for a while, he just was finally able to say it.

good catch ! yn mentioned she always wanted a date to be at the chateau in the first ever chapter, but nobody she knew would ever be interested in that,,,, so hyunyn soulmates confirmed 🔮

a trait of her character definitely is feeling that she may be selfish for wanting and doing the things she wants to do, taking into account her future plans for the city 🫥

i love that you love hyun’s character, sorry he can be too perfect 😪 kkameo indeed ! but he definitely was the epitome of boyfriend material then, and he will be more so in part 10 too 😗

his conversation with chan generally is pretty important to get an insight into his character. he does not want to be in love or in a serious relationship because of the way he’s seen things around him, and things with chan’s life, so it is kind of his fear and he’s holding back despite having feelings.

don’t apologise, i loved reading this ! and sure, but what emoji is that even ?? i finally found it but what is it 😭🎐

[twinclownsoflotuspiers]

What if I tried to categorise my favorite characters according to whatever reasons I fave them for?

[I have a few top faves who I'm super biased for even amongst faves. They are namely (in order of oldest to newest): Gaara, Rukia, Jiang Cheng & Wei Wuxian, Helian Yi, Diluc & Kaeya, Collei. Some don't appear often in categories but doesn't lessen my bias for them]

1. The Cane - (by that I mean the stem and not a walking cane) blorbos who come off as kinda stiff, stubborn, headstrong, have gone through traumas and would like to say "Fuck You" to the world and keep existing out of sheer spite, some of them are kinda angy. Ones I have the most fun breaking. Notable egs: Jiang Cheng (ofc lol), Wei Wuxian (Laozu version at least), pre Shippuden Gaara, Diluc, recently Mikaela Hyakuya.

2. The Indulgees - some of them have slight to loads sadism potential. Either misfits or also traumatised or both. Mido's "youngest child" syndrome characters AKA who I'd indulge in every possible way. They could commit murder and I'd smile and enable them. Enjoy angst of but don't enjoy whump. Notable egs: Kaeya (big one. I will gib him everything, including but not limited to Ayaka's stolen sword). Kuya (bitch cucks every single one of my nukani pulls but I unfortunately love him still). Zhuzhi-Lang. Wen Qing(? Maybe?). Nezumi.

3. Greek Tragedy Heroines - there's nothing but angst going on for them. My heart breaks for them and I want to give them happy endings but canon broke them so badly that I am stuck still trying to figure out how to go about it. Notable egs, Shen Jiu *sobs*. Yue Qingyuan *sobs even more*. HELIAN YI. Tong Ru. Han Muchun.

4. Sunshine Personified - the few "feel good sweet af wonderful characters who have never done anything wrong in their lives" I genuinely love and am interested in. Notable egs, Eiden, Han Muchun once again, Amber, Liang Jiuxiao *sobs*, NOELLE, Collei (hush. She's never done ANYTHING wrong in her life).

5. Wife. WIFE - favorites mostly for gay reasons. Yes they're all girls. Some have genuinely great backgrounds I love though, like added treats to the gay. Notable egs, Rosaria (can she impale me with her ice lance?), Yae Miko, Wen Qing (again), Rukia, Yoruichi, Lumine (both Abyss & Traveler versions, coz she's got range)

6. Wet Dog - you're Pathetic (affectionate). No, I will not elaborate. Notable egs, Jiang Cheng, Luo Binghe, Edmond, Dante.

7. Emotional Baggage - tragic af but not Greek Heroine levels. I would like to hug them tight and tell them they did well. Notable egs are MOST of my top faves, but also Xiao, Jin Ling, Yatogami Kuroh.

8. Terrible Child - I don't even know why I like you. You're awful (affectionate). Notable eg, Tartaglia, Kuya (yes, him too). Zhou Zishu & Wen Kexing (they come as a pair, equally terrible)

9. Gremlin - they're usually very layered but I also love them best for being menaces. Notable egs, Wei Wuxian, Venti, Kaeya, Eiden, Yae Miko.

10. Daddy Issues - so many of my top faves share this theme, I take it as a running joke by now. They all sit at the table together to stew in silence over their papas fucking them over. Notable egs, Jiang Cheng, Gaara, Kaeya, Diluc, Rosaria, Luo Binghe, Helian Yi

I don't even know why I did this but oh well. This is mostly an accurate categorisation according to why I like my faves. A lot of them feel similar as characters but I like for differing reasons strangely enough.

[cruelsummerhrry]

Matilda

Tw: emotional abuse

Harry has known y/n since he was 12. He has been there for her worst and her best, never losing contact with her and always answering her calls.

~2013~

He wakes up to his phone ringing, when he goes to decline the call he sees that it's y/n calling.

"Lovie, are you okay?" He knows something isn't right due to the time she was calling. She would always message Harry before calling and this was just out of the blue.

She chokes out a sob. "Harry, I need five hundred dollars. I wouldn't be going to you for this if I didn't but I need to leave this house." He can barely make out what she is saying.

"Yeah, of course. Just grab as much as you need and I'll get movers there and fly out out to our next stop, okay? Does that sound good?" She gives him a small yes.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"I love you so much, thank you for caring."

This was the last thing that made his heart break.

"I love you more, now go stay with Grace and I'll send you your plane ticket information. Get some sleep I know you need it."

The phone call ended there.

Few days later, Harry finds out what drove y/n to moving out on such short notice. Her mom blamed her for her father's death.

He always knew she had a bad home life. It was no secret in their relationship, but she always hid it behind jokes and smiles. He home life never seemed so alarming until then.

~present~

Harry had y/n move into his London house until she could comfortably move in somewhere else. She ended up applying to university and getting a job and she brought herself out of the hole she was born in. She moved out in 2015 and has been living on her own ever since.

During quarantine, Harry watch a lot of his childhood favorite movies, one of the being Matilda. While watching, he noticed a lot of similarities between the y/n and the character Matilda. The only difference is that y/n didn't get the perfect ending. She didn't have someone to save her when she was a kid, she had to grow up alone. This made Harry furious for y/n.

How could someone be so neglectful to someone who can't take care of themselves?

How could someone deny love to someone as amazing as y/n?

Harry is reminded of the last time he saw her parents, at her twenty-fifth birthday. He is reminded of how hard she cried after the encounter with them. He left feeling gross and disgusted by the way her parents treated her.

This is when Harry started to write Matilda.

Harry banned y/n from listening to the album until New York One Night Only.

She had been having the best time listening to the album through Harry's performance and having fun with some fans and friends.

"This next song is called Matilda. I wrote this song about someone very close to me who went through a lot in there life. I want them to know that they are personified version of sunshine, you have been through so much but you inspire me daily. You are loved my many and you will never get rid of me, your trapped." He wipes away some of the tears and laughs at the end of his speech.

The song starts to play and the first verse goes somewhat smoothly only a few tear sheed by y/n, but them the verse starts.

"You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

And not invite your family

Cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up"

She is now sobbing holding onto her closest friend. Genuinely feeling overweight with her emotions and a lot of her own insecurities being shown in the song but she's not mad about it. In her opinion this is one of Harry's best songs lyrically.

Rationally she knows how she wasn't at fault for the abuse she suffered but it's not easy to change the way you've been raised. When the abuse is all you know, how are you supposed to recognize real love? When this has been your whole life how are you supposed to reject that? But Harry is right they can't hurt her if she let's them go.

The abuse isn't her.

[terrifictomholland]

7 + 9 from angst with charlie? 💛🥰

I hope you’ll like it @stuckonspidey 🥰

“What are you saying?” Charles asked as you tried to hold yourself together. 

“I can’t keep doing this anymore,” you said shakily, biting on your lip to keep it from quivering. 

“Keep doing what? What we have is good! Hell, it’s great what we have!” He tried in vain to make you stay, but you couldn’t do it anymore. Your heart wasn’t in it anymore.

“It used to be good,” you agreed there. At the beginning of the relationship, it was perfect, and you were so in love. But along the way, some things changed for you, feelings changed and you couldn’t stay anymore. It wasn’t fair to either one of you.

“So what’s changed?” He desperately tried to cling onto something, anything. 

You met his gaze, smiling sadly as the first tears spilled. “My feelings for you, I can’t keep doing this, pretending to be in love with you when I’m not.” 

He staggered back as if you’d shot him, his eyes wide in shock, then confusion and at last hurt. 

“W-what?” 

You sniffled and nodded your head as you wiped underneath your eyes. “S-stop being a fucking dick and tell me why! I deserve that much,” Charles' voice shook and you could tell he was on the verge of tears himself. You knew you were breaking his heart into a million pieces and it felt like someone was twisting a knife straight into your own. Charles was like sunshine personified and right now, you were putting out all that sunlight, turning those golden rays into a dull ash gray, extinguishing his warmth and light with every word you spoke. 

“I can’t keep doing this, you’re always gone, Charles. we never have any kind of quality time anymore. It’s always racing! ‘I have to cancel, I’ve got a meeting’ this or ‘I’ve gotta go, I leave for Spain tonight’ that. And I’ve had enough. You hardly even answer my texts, let alone my calls or facetime anymore. A relationship is meant to be a partnership, not a singleship. It has to be give and take Charles! But I’ve had it, I’ve tried talking to you so many times but you don’t listen,” your voice cracked and you knew that he finally realised what he’s done, unintentionally but he’d still pushed you away.

“I deserve to be a number one priority and I’m not anymore. I have enough self-respect for myself to know my value and what I do deserve and this isn’t it,” you found your voice at last and his tears were falling freely now. You watched as he took a seat on the couch, burying his hands in his face. 

“You deserve the world,” he looked at you with his red rimmed eyes and you swallowed thickly. “I know,” 

“I was going to marry you,” he said sadly and it was a blow to the gut hearing him say that.

“I would’ve said yes a million times over, but not anymore,” you walked towards the door, where you had some of your stuff already packed and waiting in suitcases. 

As you were about to walk out the door, his voice interrupted. “I’ll always love you, and I will be forever sorry for what I’ve done to you,” he choked on a sob and your tears rolled down your cheeks again.

“Part of me will always love you too, but I’m not in love with you anymore. But I’m always going to be in your corner and support you in your career, I just can’t be in your life right now.” 

“I know,” - those were the last words you heard before you walked out the door and ruined Charles and your own life.

[daisylincs]

Soulmates can be romantic or platonic, met early on in life or well into the grey years, male or female, few or many - the only thing Skye has always known for sure is that she doesn't have any.

Most people have two, or even three or four or five, right from the moment of their birth; denoted as different-coloured lines shimmering on their wrists.

Skye might have had lines there when she was a baby, but by the time she's old enough to understand what their absence means, they're long gone.

(Soulmate lines, they say, can only fade for two reasons - one, if the person the bond represents passes away, or two, if they change so completely that the bond doesn't recognise them anymore.)

Skye doesn't know why her lines faded, and she doesn't really want to. What she does know, though? She desperately wants more.

There is no feeling more lonely than a bare wrist, than the knowledge that nobody cares enough about her to even think about loving her - because no matter how despairingly she wishes for it, none of her many foster parents or siblings show up as lines on her wrist.

Eventually, she starts thinking it's her fault - because how can't it be? Even some other orphans have lines on their wrists.

She starts to accept it, eventually. She's broken, unlovable. Nothing to be done about it.

So she runs away, joins a band of people who'll never see her face, and tells herself she believes in their mission.

(She even meets a boy there, and he's as broken and distanced as she is - more, even. Still, she can't help hoping that they might find something in each other...

When nothing shows up on either of their wrists, she persuades herself she isn't disappointed.)

She has all but given up hope on soulmate lines, whatsoever, when the door of her van is pulled open mid-speech, and her whole life is thrown upside-down.

Her first soulmate line appears not long after, when she rushes into the arms of the little British scientist who would have thrown herself off the plane to save them all - a slight burn on the inside of her wrist as she is hugging Jemma tight, and when she glances down a moment later, there is a single line there.

It's a warm hazel colour, like Jemma's eyes, and when Jemma feels the matching sting on her own arm, she glances up at Skye, her eyes crinkling in a smile.

Her line, she is shocked and deeply pleased to note, is a deep purple on her friend's skin.

A couple of weeks later, when she and Fitzsimmons are singing Moana at the tops of their voices one movie night, she feels another small burn on her wrist.

This line is light blue, like Fitz's eyes.

She receives her next line the first time she hugs Coulson - there are tears in her eyes, tears blurring her entire soul as he confirms her worst childhood fears.

But she doesn't miss the slight burn on the inside of her wrist.

When she looks down, the line is the same dark blue colour as his favourite suit.

The next soulmate line catches her completely by surprise, though, in retrospect, she doesn't know why.

Before she is shot, she has three lines on her wrist; blue blue hazel.

When she wakes up, there is another there, deep black and somehow steady and reassuring.

She doesn't have to look to know that there will be a purple line on Agent May's wrist.

She never receives Ward's line, though she tries, working to get as close to him as possible.

(Later, after the reveal, after the fall, she's glad about that, and disgusted at herself.

Ward's line, she thinks, would have been the same sickly grey as his prison suit.)

The months pass, and she is content with her life at SHIELD, with her four soulmate lines - four more than she ever thought she'd have.

Then one morning, she wakes up to another, bright and golden as daylight.

She knows immediately who it signifies - only Trip, after all, could be behind something that was so essentially sunshine personified.

(When that line fades, she spends many a cold night in her quarantine cell waking up and reaching for it, then breaking into wracking sobs when she inevitably found its comforting, warm tingle missing.)

She almost misses it when her next line burns itself onto her wrist - she is readying herself for her first jump (her first non-Lola jump, that is) and Hunter, bless his secretly sweet soul, is helping her with her parachute’s straps. 

When he steps away with one of his signature quippy remarks, there is another line on his wrist, this one a warm, rich amber. 

Skye wonders where that colour comes from, but that night, when Hunter toasts to their successful mission with a bottle of Bendeery’s, she realises. 

She’s amused, but also touched, oddly - because the little lighter flecks in the amber of the line are a very similar colour to Bobbi’s hair. 

(She thinks that everything about that line suits Hunter, really - sarcastic, standoffish and rebellious at first glance, but compassionate and deeply caring once you got to know him.) 

Bobbi’s line makes itself known at a much more dramatic time - Skye is terrified, her body shaking from the inside out, and holding onto the steadiness of May’s black line on her wrist for strength as she fights this not-her-SHIELD agent. 

There is a shot, Bobbi screams, Skye holds up her hands and somehow blocks it - but as she does, she feels a burn on the inside of her wrist, in time with the genuine no!! that flashes in Bobbi’s eyes. 

It is a long, long time before she gets to look at that line, but when she does, it is a deep emerald green - stately and beautiful, but with echoes of great power behind it. 

Much like Bobbi, she thinks.

(Later, in colder years when she can’t hear Bobbi and Hunter’s laughter and bickering anymore, she likes to sit down in the quiet of the common room and brush her fingers over their lines, side by side and still strong against her skin.

They’re still out there, she knows, and it is a comfort.) 

But before that, she is in Afterlife, and she wakes up to a deep red line on her wrist one day - red like the reddest roses, like love immediate and ever-persevering.

She thinks it’s her mother’s line, and her heart has never felt happier. 

(It is only later, hugging him in a cold SHIELD corridor before sending him off to be lost to her forever, that she realises it was her father’s line all along. 

The line fades when his memory does, but on particularly good days, she thinks she sees the faintest shimmer of a rose-coloured line there, as though just a hint of love was carried through despite the TAHITI program.

She loves him all the more for it.)

Mack’s line comes somewhere in those trying weeks, when both her parents are gone and she just needs a partner - he is there for her. 

And one night, so is his line, a gentle forest green. 

(She doesn’t get that particular cosmic joke until she meets Yo-Yo and Turtleman becomes a thing, and then she laughs so hard that she nearly splits her sides.) 

Lincoln is the first romantic soulmate she gets a line for - and she notices it, cliché as it is, right after their first kiss. 

It is apt, though, seeing as she’s trying to protect him, and he’s trying to protect her, and they’re full of grand announcements about how much they mean to each other and... yeah, it’s kind of a mess.

But when he’s with her again, and times are happier, she teases him mercilessly about the colour of his line - a crackly yellow-white, like lightning according to him, (according to her, it’s like popcorn, as an eternal cosmic punishment for that terrible popcorn joke he had to go and make when they first met.) 

She even gains a shiny silver line in the middle of a mission when Joey jumps in front of a stream of bullets for her. 

Things are good. Things are so, so good. 

Then, Hive. 

When Lincoln’s line fades from her wrist, in perfect time with the flicker of the little dot of the quinjet on her screen, it is like her entire world fades to grey. 

Everything she’s always believed? It’s still true, only worse than even she ever thought.

It’s not that she’s unloveable - it’s that she should be. 

(Just look at the deaths she’s caused, so shortly after their lines appeared on her wrist! Just look at all the danger she’s put her friends, her team, her family in -) 

She leaves. She leaves to protect them.

And as she crouches in her van, or in dark alleys, she screams at the lines on her wrist, “go away go away go away! Stop caring about me, I don’t deserve it.” 

But they never do, and slowly, slowly, she returns back to their source. 

Elena’s is the first new line she receives - as bold and bright an orange as that favourite striped sweater of hers she used to love wearing around base. 

Daisy hasn’t seen it in a while, but when the line appears on her wrist, it feels like a tangible reminder that she hasn’t lost everything. Not yet.

She returns, and though they are forced to live through the two living hells that are the Framework and the Kree-ruled future, they get through it. 

(They are a soul family, after all. They have to.

And whenever she fears for any of their safety, Daisy just has to touch the lines still standing out against her skin to know that they’re still okay out there.) 

Then Coulson’s line starts to fade.

She doesn’t notice it at first, since it’s just a slight blackening at the edges, but after he collapses on them, she does, and it's shattering. He won’t even let them try to save him! 

But she won’t accept that. She will not lose another soul line. 

Instead, she... gains another? 

She isn’t even sure when exactly it happened, when his stupid jokes started to become endearing instead of just dumb, when his ridiculous fascination with everyday things became almost sweet - but when they’re on a spaceship shooting up to meet the Kree together, she reaches for his hand.

And she feels the now-familiar burn of a line on the inside of her wrist.

To her amusement, his line is bright yellow - lemon yellow. He blushes furiously at that, but she laughs it off. 

Her laughter fades fast when not one, but two lines disappear within a few days of that.

Fitz’s is first, and her heart stops as she clutches onto her wrist. Yes, a lot has happened between them lately, but she never wanted him dead, and he... he was her second line -

Then his line reappears. 

It’s faint, and pulsing in and out, but it’s there. 

(She and Jemma both cling to that in the year that comes, searching through the dark, lonely depths of space in a desperate attempt to find him and steady that line.) 

When Coulson’s line fades, she thinks it might be the worst pain of her life - but she watches May’s line, and how it stays ever-steady, ever-strong on her wrist.

She draws her own strength from it.

And they get through it, until eventually, they are there: one final mission. 

She never does get a line for LMD Coulson, despite the hell of an emotional ride it was to see him again. 

It’s fitting that way, though. He agrees.

(That doesn’t stop her from signing her name in purple ink onto his wrist when they send him off on his world travels - because even if it isn’t quite the same, she will always care about him.

He stares at her name for a long, long time, then pulls her into a tight hug. And she understands.) 

The next line she gets surprises her almost more than its timing does - it’s a time loop, for crying out loud! 

But she wakes up after the umpteenth repeat, and it is there, solid and blue and so unbelievably Sousa that she could kiss him. 

(She does, actually.) 

The line that hurts the most of any she’s ever received is one that fades mere moments after she receives it, though. It is a regal, midnight blue, and it appears in a fierce burn when Jiaying steps in front of Malick for her. 

She watches the line fade as she cradles her mother’s hair, and through the tears that blur her world, she manages to be grateful that she got to see what her birth line would have looked like, at least. 

She knows that Jiaying did love her unconditionally now, at least. 

And eventually, eventually, a new line appears where Jiaying’s was once cradled - this one is orange and fiery, with all the force of its owner’s powers, and with all of her natural love for the nebulas she explores so keenly. 

It isn’t a replacement - it won’t ever be. 

But it’s a blessing of a different kind. 

And - the Daisy Johnson who watches the stars with her sister and her new love is a far cry from the one who believed she was unloveable all those years ago. She has a whole ream of soulmate lines now (including those three, lemon amber and green, that she still checks every night before they turn out the lights, just to make sure they’re still alive and well.

They are.)

Watching those stars, Daisy thinks that, ultimately, soulmates aren't born, they're made.

And she’s made herself the best soulmates she could ever have dreamed of.

(Daisy Johnson Soulmate AU headcanons for the @agentsofchallenges AoS March Madness challenge! <3)

[ttttaehyungie]

sincerely, but no longer yours | chapter 3

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series masterlist

sincerely, but no longer yours | ex!kim namjoon x reader

genre | angst, exes au

summary | It started as a coping mechanism as getting the words out provided a form of catharsis. But now you can’t stop writing these love letters, even with the knowledge that they’ll never get sent. After all, who writes love letters to their ex?

word count | 3.9k

chapter rating | PG-13

warnings | none

a/n | here we gooooo!! part threeeee c: can’t believe I actually churned this out when my life has been in c h a o s also this is barely edited im so sorry

Percussive knocks rap crisply on your apartment door. You fling the door open and your heart leaps in your chest at the sight. There he stands.

Up and rising dance instructor. Groove personified. Ball of literal sunshine.

And in your experience, the best big brother on the planet.

The overnight bag hits the wooden floor with a hollow thud as he abandons it in favor of yanking you into a tight embrace. A grin widens on your face that you're certain mirrors his.

"Hoseok," you breathe into his chest, your face smushed against his oversized yellow shirt. The enveloping warmth of his arms around you has you melting. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you more. Let me take a good look at you." He puts you at arm's length. "You've grown so much in the time we've been apart."

"Hoseok." You roll your eyes, but the smile on your face doesn’t falter. "It's only been a month."

"Hey. A lot happens in a month."

The truth of his words, unknown to him but oddly relevant nonetheless, has you biting your lip before you can stop yourself.

"Here, I'll help you with your bag," you say, hauling the duffel bag off the ground, giving you something else to look at. You can only hope that Hoseok hasn't already picked up on the nervous blips. "It's been a long ride for you."

"And they say chivalry is dead," he jokes, but follows after you without further comment. Guess you're in the clear.

But you steer the conversation to a topic that you know will engross him for sure. Y’know. Just in case.

"So, what classes did you sign up for this weekend?" you ask over your shoulder, managing a tone so casual that you celebrate internally.

"You'll never believe it.” The words come tumbling out, voice shimmering with excitement. Even without turning to look at him, you can picture the way his eyes are surely set alight. You know this tone, and it has you hooked now, the anticipation of amazing news builds in your chest. "Y'know that choreographer, Jo? The one that's completely booked out every single weekend?”

You nod quickly, turning to look at him with wide eyes.

“Well.” The smugness in his tone is thick. “Guess who got a slot for her class!”

Genuine surprise elicits a gasp from you. "No way! How'd you even manage that?"

"Hard work and sheer determination.” A fist pump punctuates his words. “I camped on the booking site on multiple devices with multiple accounts so I could snag a spot the moment the slots open."

You snort at his antics.

"I can't believe I'm going to be learning from such a giant in the industry," he says, unable to resist breaking into a little dance as he pushes the door to the study cum guest room open. "It feels like I've won the freaking lottery."

The effervescent excitement is uncontainable. Even the task of unpacking can’t interrupt his rave about the choreographer who shot to cyber fame with her fluid movements. You let him let it loose, leaning against the doorway, watching him.

"Ok," he says, putting his hands on his hips. "That's enough about me. How did your lecture go today?"

The breath catches in your lungs, the shock of seeing Namjoon coming back in a second wave.

“It was alright,” you attempt to mask it in the same casual tone you mustered up just minutes ago. But there’s an unmistakable tightness to your words.

Hoseok’s eyes bore into you. Damn. There’s no escaping now.

“____?” he probes, his tone laced with the same concern lying in his gaze.

"Hey, um," you rub at your arms, "we have an unexpected dinner guest tonight. Is that ok with you?"

“____,” he repeats, firmer this time. “What happened?"

You exhale heavily, grounding yourself with the feel of the carpet underneath your scrunched up toes as you tell him, "I bumped into Joon today. At the lecture."

Chancing a glance at him to gauge his reaction, you watch as he schools his features into an expressionless mask. But his eyes widen by just a fraction, betraying his surprise as he processes the information.

After a second, he nods stiffly, and turns back to the duffel bag on the bed to take the last of his belongings out. His tone is measured and even as he asks, "How was it?"

The plush mattress provides you marginal comfort as you plop onto the bed next to him.

"Honestly? Like a punch in the gut." The laugh that escapes you is bitter. "When will I stop being winded just by the mere sight of him, Hobi?"

The smile he shoots you is empathetic but sad. He reaches over to muss up your hair, the action tender and fond. "It'll happen in time," he promises.

The restrictive tightness in your chest is uncomfortable and you attempt to expel it in a sigh as you lean backwards, propped up by the elbow. Staring at your toes as if they’re a source of endless fascination gives you an excuse not to look your brother in the eye.

“But would you care to explain what convinced you to invite him to dinner?”

“Hobi… I just…” Your back hits the mattress as you flop back entirely, groaning up at the ceiling. No choice but to spit the truth out now. “His eyes, they just do things to me.”

Craning your neck to look at him, regret hits you when you catch sight of his frown. You drop your head back down. The ceiling's a much better option to look at.

“You have a soft spot for him.” It’s less a question and more a statement. A statement that you assent to with a strangled noise.

“Look. I get it. It’s just, I worry for you. The state you were in when you came back that night…” This time, he lets out a sigh of his own. The bed shifts, accommodating his weight where he takes a seat next to you. "You were a wreck, ____.” He shakes his head, his brow furrowed. “I don't want to have to relive those days.”

He’s not speaking out of turn. Guilt gnaws at you and you turn your head to face the wall. Bringing Namjoon back into your life implicated Hoseok too. Your brokenness had not been yours to bear alone. On the nights when you felt like you were falling apart, it was your brother who’d held you as you sobbed damp spot after damp spot into his t-shirts.

“Do you think it's too soon?” Your voice sounds small even in your ears. “Even though it's been years?”

“I can’t answer that for you, ____.”

You remain quiet, still staring at the blank wall.

“Well." He slaps his hands on his thighs and hauls himself off the bed, breaking the silence. "I owe him a long overdue meet-up anyway. He's been bugging me to have a meal together with him for the longest time now- which is next to impossible, y’know, with the way the studio just keeps getting busier and busier.”

A hand enters your field of vision, outstretched and waiting. "Dinner?"

You grasp it and he pulls you up. His grip is a firm anchor, both physically and emotionally.

"Dinner," you echo. "I can do this."

You can’t do this.

Whatever idealism you had possessed an hour ago within the safe confines of your apartment was gone now, mellowed out and boiled down to unforgiving reality.

At least you have Hoseok.

Despite your earlier hesitation to tell your brother about the events that had transpired through the day, you're now relieved you did and infinitely thankful for his presence. If any iciness remains from whatever lingering unsaid tension that exists between you and Namjoon, it quickly melts away under the warmth that is Hoseok's affability.

It was awkward at first, no doubt. As you slid into the booth to sit across Namjoon, it definitely didn’t escape your attention how he was unable to keep eye contact with you, his shifty eyes stoking the nervousness that simmered in the pit of your stomach.

The conversation had been polite but stiff, filled with small talk about each other’s jobs. As if you didn’t already know all about how he’d made it as a published author from all the times you eavesdropped on Hobi’s phone calls. He was in the middle of narrating his book’s main plot when your mind’s eye jumped, involuntarily, to the books guiltily buried away in the corner of your closet underneath a bunch of t-shirts. It was an impulse buy, you lie to yourself.

Yes, you’ve read his books. Multiple times. Pored over every word and analyzed every character in search of snippets of yourself. Hoping to know whether he’s forgotten you and moved on from you or whether he’s still affected by the breakup in the same way you don’t dare to admit that you are.

But that’s just in your times of weakness. Everyone has those, you reason, and you’re allowed to too.

Make no mistake- you did get over Namjoon. The box of letters sits in your desk drawer as the fruits of that. There’s a reason why you can’t bring yourself to dump those letters out after all these years. They’re unfiltered and ugly and raw, but they’re an archive of the journey you went through. You’re over it.

Or you were over it. Being in this city and seeing him triggers something in you and seems to throw you back a couple of steps somehow.

Maneuvering your way through the exchange, carefully feigning ignorance about the plot of his novels, you were walking a tightrope. But thankfully, before you could get caught in your self-spun web of lies, the conversation takes a sharp left.

In a sudden outburst of, “Why are we speaking as if we’re at some corporate networking event?!” accompanied by a smack on the table, Hoseok shattered the cordial but fake and, frankly, uncomfortable atmosphere that had settled over the booth. The three of you broke into genuine laughter for the first time in the evening. And finally, the dinner conversation took a more casual and informal turn.

In spite of your wariness, the pull that Hoseok’s words exerted was irresistible and you found yourself gradually loosening up. It began with unbidden smiles that progressed to quiet giggles- not unlike the one that followed Hoseok’s earlier outburst- that quickly gave way to carefree and unfiltered laughter.

And now?

"Remember when you broke the swingset at our house?" Hoseok jabs his fork at Namjoon who sits across from him at the table.

"That was not on me,” he quips. “That swingset was rickety before I sat on it."

Your throat constricts around your food slightly painfully with the way you gulp down your food to interject, "No way, Joon. We only had that swingset for two weeks before you broke it."

Hoseok nods in corroboration, his features colored in a grave seriousness. “She’s right. I remember my joy on that swingset being extremely short-lived.”

"Can't believe you care more about that swingset than me." Namjoon pouts. "My butt was bruised for at least a week from that accident."

But Hoseok dismisses this with a wave of his hand. "Bruises heal. Swingsets don't."

You smile around the rim of your glass, taking a swig. Cheeks sore with how much you’ve been smiling, you think, you really can’t do this.

You've missed this. You’ve missed the days filled with this innocent and untroubled feeling of happiness. When it was just this pair of best friends and you were the little sister that just tagged along at first, but got pulled in as a real member of the trio. You were the little sister that Hobi adored, and the little sister that Joon had always wished he'd had, and you looked up to both of them so much.

The playful teasing between mouthfuls of food and the easy laughter shared as all three of you let loose over a couple drinks has you warming up in a way that's not just from the alcohol.

You’ve missed this. But you can’t.

You glance upwards and the softness in Namjoon’s eyes all crinkled up by his beaming smile has you realizing just how much you’ve missed him. But you can’t, you can’t, you ca-

Next to you, Hoseok’s movements interrupt your internal self-admonishment. He sets his utensils down with a clang on his empty plate. "Hey, I’ll go pick up the bill."

"Let me." Namjoon fumbles for his wallet as he gets on his feet. But Hoseok puts a hand on his shoulder to sit him back down.

"Nah man, you paid the last time and I've been meaning to give ____ a treat too. This one's on me."

Hoseok disappears off to settle the bill, leaving just you and Namjoon. In stark contrast to his earlier inability to maintain eye contact, he’s now staring intently at you. The intensity of his gaze has your cheeks growing warm.

It’s your turn to struggle with eye contact. Unsure what to do with your hands or where to look, you're just about to succumb to the urge to start fidgeting when Namjoon sighs, inciting a stolen glance at him. His gaze is on his hands now where they sit on the table, a gentle smile gracing his features.

"I've missed this,” he says softly.

You can’t, you can’t, you can’t.

"Me too," you admit. You’re weak.

His gaze darts back upwards to look you in the eyes, and your heart rate picks up.

“I've missed you.”

It’s shy. It’s barely audible. But you catch it. It startles your heart into a racing pulse, pounding in your ribcage.

"Namjoon.” You don’t miss the way his face falls slightly at how you revert to his full name. “You can't-"

He leans forward as he shakes his head. "I'm not... I..." He cuts himself off with a huff of frustration. His long fingers tap rapidly on the table the way they always do when he’s collecting his thoughts.

"I'm really sorry for what happened, ____.” His eyes bore into yours with a pleading sincerity that has your hands fidgeting under the table and out of sight. “I'm really sorry that things ended the way they did. And I know I don't deserve to be asking this, ____. But I've really missed... all this." He gestures to the booth, to your trio. "And I guess what I'm asking is, will you forgive me? And... will it be okay to see you again? Just as friends. Nothing more."

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t.

You fold your hands in your lap, still hidden away from sight so he can’t see the nervous energy they exude as you deliberate your next words carefully.

"Joon, you really hurt me the last time. Really deeply.” The temptation to avert your gaze is immense, but you power through. But that leaves you to witness the flicker of guilt in his eyes. “And as nice as tonight was, I'm just not sure if I'm ready to have you back in my life completely yet."

“Ok, I understand. That's fair. I have no rights to make any demands on you when things ended the way they did.”

His eyes are downcast and he trails off into silence.

But just as you’re about to heave a sigh of relief, thinking he’s dropped it, he starts again, the hesitation clear in his shaky voice, "Can I give you my number? So you can think it over and text me if you ever want to be friends again. Like what you said, tonight was really nice."

His hand hovers over where your phone sits on the table, tentative without your go-ahead.

“Or you can just decide to throw it out and delete me from your life forever,” he begins rambling nervously. “I'll respect that too. I just can't leave things the way they are without doing anything I can to attempt to make reconciliation happen.”

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t.

That’s when you make the fatal mistake of looking him in the eye. The way he's looking at you…

You can’t. Or can you?

Like what you told Hoseok, you’re close to powerless when Namjoon looks at you like that.

Relenting, you flip his hand around and place your phone into his waiting palm.

"Okay. Fine. I'll think about it."

"Thank you,” he says breathily. His dimpled smile and eyes aglow send your heartbeat stuttering.

As Namjoon's keying his phone number into your phone, Hoseok returns. The action doesn't go unnoticed by him, and the way he eyes your phone in Namjoon's hands has you squirming in your seat slightly. But Namjoon, gleeful with the hope of possible reconciliation, is none the wiser.

You, meanwhile, know that you’re in for a lot of explaining.

“It’s just a number, Hoseok,” you say the moment the subway pulls out of the station and away from Namjoon’s waving figure. It’s been sitting heavy on your tongue ever since the restaurant, and you take the first chance you get to spit it out. Never has the walk from the diner to the station felt so long.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah,” you fold your arms, stumbling slightly on the rickety carriage, but you maintain your indignant expression, “but your look said everything.”

You exhale heavily as you grip back onto the grab pole. You continue, softer this time, “He’s just asking to be friends.”

Hoseok purses his lips and the silence sits for a moment.

“What are you thinking?” he eventually asks.

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “It’s just… a lot. What happened between us was a lot.”

You clear your throat and continue, “But the years of friendship in our little trio were a lot too. And tonight was a huge reminder of how good things used to be… of how good things could be.”

“So, what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know.” You repeat, looking back at Hoseok now. “What should I do?”

“I can’t decide that for you.”

What a classic Hoseok response. Why did you even ask?

“He’s genuinely sorry,” you murmur, speaking more to yourself than to your brother.

“He is,” Hoseok affirms, his eyes softening now as he nods in agreement.

“And it’ll be just friends, nothing more.” Again, you’re not entirely sure of whether your words are meant to be consoling your brother or yourself.

“Do you want that? Being friends with him again and having him in your life again?”

Do you?

You try to consider it rationally, you really do.

But the emotions overtake you. Perhaps it’s from tonight’s dinner, a sampling of what it’d be like to have him as a friend again. Perhaps it’s the recognition of how wasteful it truly is to dump decades of friendship out the window.

Or perhaps it’s the revelation that you could never be angry with Namjoon, as much as you want to be. And you really want to be. He deserves it. After the way he let your relationship end without putting up a fight, after he left you shattered and the way you had to piece yourself back together shard by shard in the aftermath, he deserves your wrath.

But you can’t do it.

Especially not now when his repentance is so sincere. Not when he’s earnestly trying to make things right.

So do you want him back in your life? It’s irrational, it’s dumb, it’s risky, but you honestly could never help yourself when it comes to Namjoon.

“Yes,” you decide. “I’ve missed him, Hobi. I know it’s dumb to miss him after all these years and after what he did, but I still do.”

Hoseok slings an arm around you and pulls you into his chest. “Yeah, it’s pretty dumb,” he says, and you snort as you swat at his chest. “But if that’s how you feel, then that’s how you feel.”

“It’s been so strange,” comes your quiet admission. “He’s just always been there, y’know? And not having him around feels like having a limb missing.”

“Mmhm.” It’s barely a sound, but you know it’s Hoseok’s way of saying he understands, and it fills you with a deep sense of assurance and validation.

The train pulls to a stop, and you realize with a jolt that it’s your station. Reluctantly, you pull away from the hug and tug Hoseok out the doors. “C’mon.”

The apartment is just a few streets down from the station and, with your hands stuffed into the pockets of your jacket, your fists rubbing against the rough denim, you walk along silently. The sound of Hoseok’s footsteps beside you fades into rhythmical ambient noise the deeper you fall into thought.

It’s when you’re unlocking the door to your apartment, keys jangling, that Hoseok asks the very same question that you’ve been mulling over on the walk back.

“Can you forgive him?”

It’s surprising. Even to you. You always imagined it’d play out in either one of two ways- cutting words or punishing silence. But now that the moment has really arrived, you realize just how willing you are to extend forgiveness to him.

“I think I have to,” you begin slowly. “Not for him, but for me, y’know?” You nod, your certainty growing as you verbalize your thoughts. “Yeah. I have to do this. It’s getting tiring carrying all this resentment and bitterness around.”

The lock clicks open and you move to enter the apartment.

“Hey,” Hoseok says, placing a hand on your shoulder gently that has you pausing. “Whatever decision you make, just know that I support you.”

You wrap your brother in a quick side-hug. “Thanks, Hobi. That means a lot to me.”

Rolling over to switch your alarm off, you nestle back under the covers to catch a few more winks.

That’s when it all comes rushing back to you, and your initial plan to snooze is screwed. Did all that really happen? Did you really sit down to have dinner with Namjoon?

And did you really not reject his attempt at a peace offering? Young ____ would be so disappointed.

It feels a little unbelievable. I mean, sure, you’ve run into him more than a couple of times now. But never would you have imagined you would have him truly in your life again.

That is- if you would let him in. You haven’t replied to him, wanting to sleep on your decision for extra clarity.

Clarity, your ass. Through the thick fog of heavy sleep, it all feels like it could be nothing more than a fever dream.

But you can hear Hoseok’s snoring coming from the next room. And the memories of last night- the yellow lighting of the diner, the overly salty fries you kept picking at regardless, the jab of Hobi’s elbow into your side as he teased you, the way your sides ached from laughing so hard, the way those obsidian eyes pulled you in as they set on you from across the table- they’re too vivid to be made up.

And the one thing that will conclusively prove it- you prop yourself up to scroll through your contacts list. There. Sitting in your contacts is his name. The name you’d deleted off your phone all those years ago in a fit of anger, but now restored to its rightful place.

[8.03am] ____: hey joon, it’s ____.

You chew on your lip as you type and delete and re-type and repeat.

[8.07am] ____: do you have any plans for today? wanna do something?

[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

Ramble away, cause I feel the twisted head rot, I kinda wanna see what you think about our bois. ~ a pocket sized dragon hops in excitement.

A POCKET SIZED DWAGOOOOOONNNN 😭💞💞💞 That’s so BLESSED, and tysm omg, I’m very glad to just spill out my barking on every boy, bc yEAH THE BRAIN ROT SKDHAKDB

THE BRAIN ROT IS SO REAL LOL

Everything I breathe ends up relating to TWST in some way, like at this point just let me take my friends, cousins, and pets, and of course Lulu and Seb, and I will have 1. A Gottdamned Harem, 2. So Many Children, and 3. NEVER WANT TO LEAVE. Kwfhskdhjwek

Ok this is gonna be long bc I gotta cover all my boys, so rip lol.

Dorm Leads:

Riddle

GOD, my Fucking Baby, my CHILD, my SWEET BABY BOY, I’M 👁💧👄💧👁

I would die for him, beetch, he is PRECIOUS ♥️

He reminds me of how I feel Ciel would behave if S/O took the place as Sebastian’s contracee, too, so like 🥺 Lots of feels 😭

Is Son, I have adopted him now. If you mistreat him, don’t ever speak to me or my son ever again. I’ll FIGHT his MOM, don’t TEST me. I’m his new mom now. His BIRD mom. So proud of him, he’s like...one of the few that’s actually shown growth in canon after his overblot kshdkadjs

Leona

👁💧👄💧👁

.....I am a Mere Simp....

Ya’ll.... I swearh to ghOD I simped hard for Scar back when I was a wee thing, I did NOT expect to simp for him AGAIN LATER IN LIFE, what the FUCK aidhskdhskdj

Like shit bitch, damn, you may not be king of Afterglow honey, but you can be king of my heart if you wAnt to bb....

Leona: *smiles once, even if it’s smugly*

Me: *WEEPING* Look at hiiiiiiim!! My sunshine booooooy! 😭

Does this make me a furry

Probably

I am too Simp to Care Anymore

I HESITATED TO GET ATTACHED BC THIS BOY LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN WOMANIZER IF I EVER SAW ONE, BUT HE DRINKS HIS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE EVERY SINGLE MORNING AND I WAS A GONNER SNDJAJDHSJ

FUCK

Call me a Herbivore again, bully me //SLAPPED

Azul

He secretly a lil shit sometimes, but tha’s ok, it’s mostly in a silly way, especially post overblot~ UvU

The sweetest bby everytime I read fanposts on him, like god, ah 💜💜💜 WHOMST COULD BULLY SUCH A CUTE CHUBBY OCTOBABY I’LL FIGHT ALL OF EM!! A sweetheart 10/10 would be his friend 💗 Not making contracts with him tho, lol

...ok maybe SOME after his overblot, but they’re able to be easily reversed now, so it’s way more chill andhsjdj

Kalim

FUCK!!!! F U C K!!!! BABYYYYYYY!!!! BABY!!!! I HAVE ADOPTED HIM IF YOU TOUCH HIM YOU D I E

He is literally so sweet, anytime anyone was like “you’re so nice it’s annoying” I WAS READY TO COME FLYING IN TO BITCH SLAP THEM LIKE AJDHSKDHSJ (even if I also loved them lol)

Like NO you are WRONG whfksjd

He has also grown so much, and I am proud ♥️🧡

Vil

Jesus Christ, canon Vil is Hurting Meeeeee ajdhskdhsj

My fave fanon Vil is the one that recognizes all different types of beauty, though~ uvu and is v encouraging to anyone that may be struggling with self hatred 💜

Canon: Vil is pretty~.

Me: Wow, wtf???? He IS so pretty... How rude I didn’t think you were serious! Wow him??? Pretty??? Wow??? Wow...

Idia

I’m not sure yet, as I haven’t seen him very often, but of the few times that I have: BIG same, huge mood, and Me FUCKING Too, goddamn akdhakdj

Idia is my Anxiety and Anime Nerd personified tbh lol

What Ortho is to him are what all my comfort characters are to me, honestly.

Like what would you like bby, you want that singing voice?? Ok here comes a synthesizer just special for you~. Ily, mwah~ u3u 💕

Malleus

HEAVY BREATHING

Ok maybe it’s just the lack of story/info out on him yet, but I don’t currently simp as hard for him compared to Leona, I’ll admit jajdkajd

BUT BOY HOWDEY DO I EVER STILL S I M P...

He Is Baby... And I Lob Him....

I am going to smooch those horns and forehead crown of beautiful scales 🖤🖤🖤 I am going to do it!!!! Here I go!!!

HE CAN HAVE ALL THE ICE CREAM AND TAMAGATCHI DATES HE WANTS I’M- 😭

This man is too precious for words, and I have so much childhood nostelgia to ‘enchanted’ woods, and being in the mountains, so he has Old Fae Friend vibes to me~🖤

DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON FORM DRAGON F-

Ngl I ship him and Leona a lil bit lol

No, not just bc that makes a poly with my two faves easier, but that is a bonus factor jadhajdj

Vice Dorm Heads:

Trey

Oh my god, the Daddy to my Mommy with all these newly adopted lil kids of ours, ya know??? What a wholesome sweetie and funny lil shit jahdksdh~

I love him, I would gladly make tarts with, AND for him 💚💚💚

The kind of boi who I’d ship HARD with anyone he started dating bc My God it would warm my heart So Much 💞💞

Ruggie (unofficial but may as well be at this point lol)

He took a while to grow on me kadhskdhsj

But I think he’d be a sweet, if a trouble-maker of a friend to have~.

Dank you for taking care of my sweet lion bby, honey, I’m sure Farrena is a sweetheart, but boi I hope he gets his shit together to fix up where Ruggie lives 😭

I think if I met his granny, I’d CRY jadhajsh 💗💗

Leech Twins (?)

Idk if they’re vice leaders, but who cares lol

THESE are the older Big Brothers in every sense of the word. (My canon ages most everyone up just a bit, save for Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Jamil, Cheka, and anyone already 20+)

The ANNOYING older big brothers, lol.

The ones that hug you to death (Floyd), or use you for an arm rest (Jade), and specifically Do the thing you asked/told them NOT to Do.

This is fine with me tho, I’m an only child, please give me the experience of annoying older brothers lol 💙💚

Jamil

I used to hate you bby, I’m so sorry akdhskdhs

I’ve adopted him now, and I’m v proud he’s trying, but making clear what his boundaries are, and trying to come out of a shell he was made to be in for so long 😭

AND HIS DANCING IS SICK LIKE HONESTLY I’M SUCH A PROUD MOM 💗💗💗

Rook

God. FUCKING Rook, lol.

IDK IF I SHOULD TRUST YOU, but I also kinda wanna be your friend akdhakdjs

HE CONCERNS ME but he also seems nice and v sweet sometimes, lmao

Blz don’t stalk me tho 😬

STOP SHOOTING YOUR ARROWS AROUND SCHOOL YOU BLOODY HEATHEN FRENCH PRISS, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

Also, if he DARES hunt cute animals around me, especially BIRDS, I am going to GRIP him jahdkahdsk

He’s like if Lord Druitt was a Little More Nice and a Little Bit Less Creepy ajdhak

Lilia:

GOD.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING GRANDPA.

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS FUCKING. GRANDPA.

I absolutely hc him as nonbinary w/masc pronouns, I absoLUTELY do.

I adore him, I love him, I haven’t gotten a squish (hardcore desire to be someone’s friend, lol) this hard for a character since AngelDust, I-

Pwease be nonbinary friends with me, Lilia 🥺

THE ONLY PERSON HERE SHORTER THAN ME, BUT I’LL TAKE IT AJDHAKDHJS

Anyone know Corpse and how he plays Among Us? That’s how I see Lilia playing his video games with friends and I JUST I JUST I J U S T

The Spencer to your Carly.

He and Crowley are free to compete as Dad with me too like honestly kshdkadjjs

He’ll always be granpa tho uvu 💚💖🖤

Extras:

Ace

God, the Fucking Annoying Middle Brother that pranks you ALL THE DAMN TIME, but I love him andhakdhsk

Deuce

THE BROTHER THAT WILL BEAT UP YOUR BULLIES 💙💙💙 SWEET BABY BOY

The Josh to Ace’s Drake. The Cody to Ace’s Zack. The Freddie to your Carly and Ace’s Sam.

If he and Ace started dating, tho, I would CRY.

But regardless who they end up dating, it’ll be slow burn friends to lovers, and literally the most adorable shit to watch EVER 💞💞💞😭

Cater

Seems Like A Womanizer But Actually Drinks His Reapect Women Juice And We Stan That 🧡

Can always count on him to help tou get the best Magicram shots, bless you Cater 🧡🧡

Also rly wanna be his friend, ngl 😭 Even IF he pranks me a lot kadhakdhsj

Jack:

H E AV Y BR EA T H IN G

Ngl my feelings for him are in the air IDK IF I WANNA SMOOCH OR NOT YET I JUST KNOW I LOB HIM HE GOODEST BESTEST BOY 💛💛💛😭

If all three Savannaclaw bois got in a cuddle pile with me, I would Not Be Mad

How can I give this boy love, tell me and I will Do It

Gift him all the cacti’s he WANTS💛

God he drinks that respecc women juice bright and early on his run every morning, you KNOW he does 💛💛💛

I wawnt to pet his ears an tail an fwuffy wolf form 😭

I WAWNT TO SEE THE BOY SMILE AND BE HAPPY 💞💞💞

Sebek

CHILL CHILL CHILL CHILL CH-

He is a v devoted guard tho, we love to see it UvU

I don’t have more info on him hekdhskdj but his fanmade content seems v v sweet~ 💚

Silver

HE ATTRACTS BIRDS AND I CRY ABOUT IT PLEASE BE MY FRIEND AND TEACH ME HOW 🥺🥺🥺

Him being raised by Lilia and Malleus literally gives me so much Fucking Seratonin....... God 💞💕💗💗💞💞💗💗💕💞

Ortho

IS BABY????? IS BABY!!!!!! I’M LOVE HIM I’M ADOPTING HIM IS BABYYYYYYY 💙💙💙💙💙

Cheka:

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He is so FUCKING CUTE what the FUCK!

Leonaaaaaaa... 🥺 Your NEPHEWWWWW 😭

I might steal him from Farrena tbh, lIKE MY CHILD NOW~ 🧡🧡

I just sob and hug him every time I see him honestly 😭

Teachers:

Dire Crowley

Ohhhhhh god oh god oh god

Be my dad. Please. Be my dad. PLEASE be my dad. Ya’ll think I’m joking, I’m not. Please adopt me. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

This man as a father gives me so much dopamine and oxytocin and seratonin??? I have been weeping for WEEKS, please adopt me, Sir

Fathers with zero braincells being wrapped around a daughter’s little finger makes me so weak, and I am just here with Daddy Issues like ajdhakdhsj BLEASE ADOPT ME MISTER BIRD MAN

Crewel

Ew.

Forgive me, I haven’t seen much content with him in it/that could be considered wholesome, bUT JADHWKDJSJ

UncoMFORTABLE

Please keep the kink talk out of the classroom, S I R

Call me puppy one more time, see what happens, I’m not scared to fight a teacher akdhakdhsj

Trein

The Dad Figure that tries to be the stern part to Crowley’s blumbering kahdkqrhsjdj

Don’t feel as much attachment to him emotionally, but I like him~

Just let me pet your cat sometimes and give you holiday presents, and we’re cool~ ♥️

Vargas

Found the womanizer //SMACKED

And of course, I can’t forget Grim~!

He’s grown on me, and if anything happens to him I will kill everyone in the room, and then myself 😭

I will pet and snuggle and hold him all he wants and feed him all the tuna his heart desires uvu 💙