#Safe netflix original

[sir-ballister-boldheart]

Ambrosius: Bal! You want to hold my hand, how awfully forward of you

Ballister: We literally slept together yesterday! You were inside me!

Ambrosius: That's nothing compared to the intimacy of hand holding

[meerphanim]

Pholiota Adiposa

{ Click/Tap for better quality. }

[fruit-snacker]

Watched the live action avatar show and honestly its solidly in the "its oookaay-ish" bracket.

There is one addition that i quite like though, the fact that the soldiers that zuko was sent with was the group that would have been sacrificed had he not spoken up

The live action was awful in a million ways, but they took home at least one win

[livingjoke]

On the one hand, I really want to watch the new Daredevil continuation because I really miss Charlie Cox's Daredevil

On the other hand, I don't want to give any support to Disney's shitty "cancel a show after three seasons and reboot it so we don't have to pay our staff fully" strategy and also I've seen the otherl Disney+ Marvel shows and they are passable at best

[chemical-bunz]

love is so real

[lem0n-shark]

If you wanna draw something that looks like realistic slime and want a reference, just look up "Marinated Raw Red Crabs from Flavorful Origins"

I still wanna try it (it looks so good 🤤) but it does look like slime (not drippy just shiny and lumpy)

[sweetiecutie]

🖤Fuck or die🖤

Paring: slasher! König x fem! Reader

Warnings: NSFW, mdni, dead dove do not eat, non-con so rape, cuckolding, unwilling cheating, oral, facefuck, dick piercing bc I know y’all like it, unprotected sex, blood, murder, gore in the end. This is only fiction, don’t take any of this too seriously! If you feel triggered by any of these tags - just scroll past!

Word count: 4k, holy fucking shit

A/n: not me writing this in one day, jesus fucking christ😮‍💨 It’s first time I wrote something so violent, but I think I did pretty good! Originally planned to post it on halloween night but I’m too eager to share!! Also, I tried my best to fix all mistakes by proofreading it 4 times, I really did, but I’m pretty sure that I left out some still

It’s been very uneasy in a small town where you lived - series of blatant murders shook up all inhabitants with their brutality. Cruelly butchered corpses gave a hint of culprit’s strength, so cops guessed it was a man. And the most terrifying thing about this whole situation was that this maniac was still on loose - he never left any evidences, not a damn thing - nothing that could give a clue of who he was. The only trace he’s ever left wasn’t an accident or his mistake, but a well-planned thing - after appearing nameless in numerous news reports and articles he finally decided to introduce himself, writing KÖNIG with his victim’s blood on white flooring, said victim’s two bloody teeth serving as umlaut.

And his motives behind picking out victims were just as unclear - there was nothing in common between all these people: he didn’t have any preferences in victim’s sex or age, their profession nor appearance - as long as they lived in one family house, to avoid anyone hearing their screams, you figured. It seemed that he simply loved killing, who that was - didn’t matter.

You can’t say how exactly it all happened. It was another evening that you were spending at your boyfriend’s place - Paul’s parents were out of town for a few days for anniversary of their wedding, leaving a huge house for their only son. You felt uneasy - there weren’t any new murders in over a month, people were scared that maniac will go “haunting” very soon, which meant that no one was safe.

Paul only cooed at you soothingly when you shared your worries with him, promising to “protect you from all weirdos out there”, placing a comforting kiss on your forehead. So to distract yourselves you decided to throw a movie night - stacking up with snacks and beer, Netflix window opened on a large tv-screen, ready to serve its purpose as you made last preparations.

Cuddled up on the comfy couch, your boyfriend’s comforting warmth slowly seeped into your tense muscles, you watched some corny comedy, groaning in tandem at poorly-made jokes. When suddenly a sound of shattered glass jolted you both up, staring tensely at each other.

- I’ll go check it, - Paul said, getting up and heading to the living room from where the noise came. Everything was quiet for a few long minutes, your fingers fiddled with loose string on the corner of fluffy blanket as you heard some crashing and your boyfriend’s angry shouting:

- Y/n, get out of here!

Then everything was as if in a blur; tall figure clad in all black stepped into the living room, white scream mask contrasting starkly, huge knife covered in thin layer of blood was shining in blue tv-light. Your heart dropped to your stomach as you stared at the man in front of you - sticky feeling of fear seemed to fill every muscle in your body with heavy lead, making it impossibly hard to move even an inch. And then something in your head snapped, you threw yourself off the couch and towards the door opposite from killer, but he was way quicker - huge hands gripped you by your shoulders, rising you off your feet easily and dragging you back towards living room, your struggling and screaming did nothing to help.

You were now kneeling in front of this psycho, hands tied up tightly with coarse rope that dug painfully into your soft skin, surely leaving deep indents and dark bruises. Your boyfriend was laying on his side a few meters afar - bound by his wrists and ankles with same rope, crimson blood oozed out of deep stabbing wound in his stomach, nose obviously broken and bleeding - all these a result of his grapple with intruder, which obviously didn’t end in Paul’s favour.

- Please, - you weeped, tears and snot covered all of your face, whole body trembled with fear and adrenaline. - Please, I’ll do anything you want, just don’t kill me, - you managed to choke out, silent cries tore through your chest, their intensity made it hard for you to breathe - you were hysterical.

- Oh, I know you will, sweetheart, - mechanical voice said in mock sympathy. One huge glowed hand came up to cup your chin, causing you to jolt violently upon feeling the contact; murderer tilted your head upwards, your insides churning upon laying your eyes on white plastic of his mask.

His thumb rubbed soft circles on your wet cheek - it was almost ridiculous how gently he touched you. This made you sob even more, but you didn’t dare to turn away, too scared to anger him.

- That would be a shame to kill such a pretty little thing, after all, - maniac said, glove-clad pad of his thumb swiped over your trembling bottom lip, soft cotton absorbing the mixture of your tears and saliva glazing it. - I may have an idea. Wanna hear it?

Silence set in for a few long gut-wrenching seconds which was interrupted only by your quiet sobbing and sounds of your boyfriend struggling against tight ropes. Quiet squeal tore through your chest as huge hand squeezed your cheeks harshly, yanking your face upward, forcing you to look up at König. Your bleary from tears eyes fixed upon two black holes in his mask, where man’s eyes supposedly were.

- I said “wanna hear it”? - slasher gritted out, his tone harsh as he put heavy emphasis on every syllable he uttered, making you shrink even further into yourself. You nodded your head hastily, not wanting to try out your luck any more.

- Y-yes, - you stammered, your voice giving out making your response sound more like a kitten’s squealing rather than human speech. König stared at you for a few long silent seconds, your knees beginning to tremble from both fear and painful exposure to hard flooring, which soon irradiated onto the whole of your body.

- I’ve been watching you guys, you know? For a few weeks now, - he said nonchalantly, his grip on your face loosened, long fingers tracing intricate shapes on your cheeks and temples, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ears, getting it out of your eyes. A wave of hysterical cries threatened to tear through your throat upon hearing his words, but you tried to suppress them as much as you physically could, staying still before him.

- Yes, - his voice sounded delicate - as if one of those passionate lovers who proclaimed their tender feelings. - Seen you guys do stuff… kiss, cuddle, fuck. A pathetic view, to be honest, - as he said so, his fingers came to tangle in your messy hair, massaging your scalp with soft movements. You felt sick. This man with a dagger bigger than your forearm clasped tightly in one hand, was caressing you so tenderly with another one - his unpredictable behaviour was making your guts churn.

He turned toward your boyfriend who was still thrashing harshly, struggling with all his might against secure confines of tight rope. Your gaze shifted towards your lover as well - the sight made your heart ache - his blood - some already caked and some fresh and shiny - covered the whole bottom of Paul’s face, a makeshift gag out of piece of some fabric was tied skilfully around his head - by the looks of it not to be untied by itself. His eyes met murderer’s, you could make out his muffled promises of killing the bastard, threats to not touch you and to get the fuck out of here. Murderer didn’t look impressed at all, staring silently at your man lying at his feet.

- Look at this pathetic scumbag - I tied your hands loosely, hoped for a bit of a fight, - harsh noise came from the speaker behind the mask, which you figured to be a sigh. König then turned back towards you, his head tilting to the side slightly, you could practically feel his intense gaze prickling on your skin. - Why are you even wasting your time on this piece of shit? He can’t even fuck you right, and you expected this piece of shit to actually protect you from danger? Provide for you?

Hot tears rushed down your cheeks at his words, as you stayed silent, not knowing what to say. König sighed again, rolling his shoulders to rid himself of the tension in sore muscles, his neck popping loudly, making you jolt at the sound.

- Now, my plan is - how about I show you what a real man is like? Set the bar high for you, hm? - he said, a cool glimmer of blood-stained blade caught your eye as König twirled his knife skilfully in between thick fingers barely twenty centimetres away from your face. He noticed your attention shifting from him to his little tool, softly nudging your chin up to look back at him. - Oh, don’t worry darling. If you’re being a good girl that thing won’t touch you, deal?

You nodded your head frantically, swallowing a thick lump in your throat. - Anything, - you choked out, voice hoarse and barely audible but it was enough for him to hear.

- I like the eagerness, - murderer chuckled, straightening his back from semi-crouching position to stand to his full height. His hand left your face with a small pinch on your tear-stained cheek, tossing his knife from one hand to another as if he was juggling; finally gripping the handle tight König pointed the tip of sharp blade towards your boyfriend: - I want you to watch. You dare closing your eyes and she’s dead.

Your eyes widened in panic, staring fearfully at Paul, mouthing silent “please” at him. Maniac shifted his attention back to you; he put his knife into its holster which was attached to his thigh with tight leather straps, you noted that he didn’t secure the handle, making it easier to pull the knife out in one move if needed.

You watched as if in slow motion how his hands came to the waistband of his black jeans, undoing the button and tugging zipper down, pulling front pants pieces apart. Your gaze darted up towards his mask-covered face, confusion mixed with terror written on your face - your insides dropped as you finally realised what he actually meant.

- What? Doll, I promised to show you what a real man is like, - one big hand came to rest on the crown of your head, not pushing nor pulling, just staying there securely. - Now I warn you, you dare using your teeth - I’ll pluck every single one of them before gutting you like a fucking pig, you get it?

Your breath stopped upon hearing his words, shoulders started shaking as strong bout of adrenaline rushed through your veins, making your poor heart pound crazily, threatening to break your ribs from the inside. You nodded your head vigorously, all of a sudden extremely aware of the tight rope binding your wrists together, how your fingers prickled from constricted blood flow, how much your shoulders ached from being pulled back for so long.

- Good girl. Now, go on, - König said, lightly pushing your head towards his clothed crotch. You had to crane your head up painfully because of the height difference between you two in order to even reach König’s private parts. You gazed up at him, unsure of what exactly he wanted you to do, but he just stared down at you silently, not offering any instructions nor comments.

You darted your tongue out, licking a noticeable bulge showing through his boxers, soaking black fabric in your spit. You did it again, and again, fear and adrenaline subduing feelings of humiliation and shame, you could hear your boyfriend’s muffled “get your fucking hands off her”, but König didn’t seem to pay slightest attention to the other male. You tilted your head to the side, pressing your opened mouth to the thick shaft that was trapped between man’s v-line and his tight underwear, sucking on it softly. That made slasher heave a deep sigh, hand on your head tangled deeper in your hair, holding you firmly in place, indicating for you to keep going.

- Now pull my boxers down, - psycho ordered a few seconds later; his voice, though contorted by voice changer, now sounded deeper. You looked frightfully up at him, your hands still bound tightly behind your back.

- But… how? - you asked, a spark of hope igniting in your chest as thought of him untying your hands popped up in your head. But it was extinguished just as quickly as it appeared with his next words:

- Well, think about it, - he shrugged his broad shoulders ever so slightly, your mind racing at the speed of light as you tried to figure out the problem.

You opened your mouth, moving as slowly as you could to indicate that you didn’t mean to do anything reckless - baring your teeth and gently hooking the elastic of his boxers, your canines grazing slightly against warm skin of murderer’s lower stomach. Once you secured your hold on elastic you pulled down on it, managing to slide it down slightly. König’s hard cock sprung right out, standing tall and thick against his clothed stomach - tip was concealed by brownish foreskin, and your eyes widened at the sheer size of him. Your attention was caught by two symmetrical rows of shiny silver balls running along mighty shaft, glistening coldly is white light of living room’s chandelier.

- Now, doll, that’s what a real good cock looks like, - man said, his free hand came to wrap around thick shaft, pumping it a few times to reveal pink head, a shiny bead of precum sitting in the middle of it. - Open wide, princess. And mind your teeth.

You let your mouth fall open, sticking your tongue out; his cock was standing too high for you to reach it in your kneeling position so König had to guide his length down to your lips, your mouth managing to only take his tip and a little bit more inside.

With your mouth full of other man’s cock your eyes wandered in the direction of your boyfriend; thrashing around seemed to finally exhaust him, crimson blood oozed out of the wound in his stomach. His chest was heaving in tandem with his wheezing breath, angry tears streamed down his temples as he stared with fierce anger at your abuser, the sight made your throat clench, causing you to gag on killer’s hefty length.

- Aw, poor girl is not used to a decent cock, huh? Tell me, did the even reach down to your throat? Lemme guess - he was cumming a few minutes after shoving his pathetic ten centimetres in this precious mouth, wasn’t he? - König chuckled darkly, suddenly pushing down onto your head, forcing you to take half his length down your tight throat, keeping you in place as you choked around his thickness, metal balls were rubbing painfully against the softness of your tongue, irritating sensitive buds of it.

Murderer’s free hand joined the one resting on your nape, gathering your hair in a makeshift ponytail, fixating your head in one position. Tears of pain and humiliation rushed down your reddened cheeks as man fucked his massive cock into your tight throat; his pace was erratic, without certain rhythm, making it hard for you to synchronise your breathing with his irregular thrusts. Your lungs burned with lack of air, dainty kneecaps ached from standing for so long on hard flooring, surely bruising your tender skin.

He let go of you only when you actually started to choke, your whole face reddening with exertion; thick strings of spit mixed with precum connected your swollen lips to glistening pink tip, fat tears rolled down your cheeks, dripping down your chin onto the floor below. A choked cry tore through your chest as massive hands manhandled you around, forcing your head down so that your wet cheek was pressed against cold hardwood facing your boyfriend, your back arched and ass up high in the air. König kneeled down behind you, backs of your thighs were touching coarse denim sitting snugly around his legs, cold metal rivets of his holster contrasting brutally with warmth of your skin. Broad palms kneaded on soft pudge of your ass, delivering a strong smack to the swell of your buttcheek, impact softened slightly by the fabric of your shorts and his glove.

Your boyfriend started thrashing as hard as ever, grunting and screaming as much as he could as König pulled your shorts along with your underwear down to your knees, huge hands resting on the bottom part of your ass, thumbs spreading your pussy open. Silent tears ran down from your eyes, gathering in a small puddle on the floor; you heard maniac tut behind your back, a pad of thumb swiped up and down your slit, making you jolt from sudden contact.

- What a shame, - he heaved a deep sigh, straightening his shoulders and looking up at your boyfriend. - She’s wet, dude.

A few small sobs left you upon his words. Paul tried talking back, but a horrible bubbling sound came out of his throat - gag in his mouth was completely red with absorbed blood, some of it oozed down the corners of his mouth, adding to the bloody mess on his face. You sobbed at the sight, squeezing your eyes shut to avoid looking at horrible picture.

- Turns out our little slut likes it rough, yeah? - König mocked, leaning over your frail form, one meaty forearm rested next to your head, huge chest pressed tightly against your back, overstimulating your thus on age senses. Terrifying mask was barely a few centimetres afar from your face as man whispered right next to your ear: - Did he ever fuck you rough?

His heavy gaze was fixed expectantly upon you, huge hand that still rested on your ass squeezed your flesh painfully, causing you to cringe. - No, - you mouthed, but that was more than enough for him. Slasher hummed in acknowledgment, straightening back into his kneeling position.

- Don’t worry love, I’ll give this pretty pussy what she needs, - psycho said, fisting his leaking cock a few times before aligning swollen tip against your tight entrance. With slow but persistent push of his hips König forced one third of his length inside your poor cunt, fresh dose of hot tears rushed from your eyes, pain of penetration adding to the ache all over your body.

With a sharp snap of his massive hips man forced as much of his cock as it’d go into you. Loud yelp tore through your throat, scratching it painfully; stretch of his girthy cock was too much for your pussy to take, ladder of piercings adding to unpleasant feeling. Tender walls fought against his thick length, such sudden stretch caused your muscles to reflexively constrict around him more, drawing a throaty groan to tumbling out of killer’s broad chest.

- There there, dearie. Poor pussy so used to pathetic cocks, can’t even take me whole, - König said in fake compassion, you felt his length throb within you, twitching a few times. Strong hands held you in place tightly, preventing you from moving your hips even for a millimetre.

Murderer generously allowed you a minute or so for your poor cunny to accommodate to his size before beginning to move his hips in shallow but quick thrusts. Soon enough König was full on fucking into you on rapid pace, your whole body jolting forward with intensity of his mighty thrusts, strong arms yanking you back in place every so often.

One of his deadly hands slithered around your ridiculously smaller form, index and middle fingers danced across your spread around his dick folds, causing your stomach to tense at sudden contact. Free hand yanked you up by the rope binding your wrists, urging you to raise your torso; your shoulder blades were pressed tightly against his heaving chest, warmth emitted off him like a fucking radiator.

Clothed fingertips rubbed tight relentless circles on your clit, causing thick pleasure to rush up and down your spine and your back arch uncontrollably. Your teeth clenched to suppress all the small sounds threatening to spill out of your lips; you felt König’s massive form shift behind you, cold plastic of horrendous mask pressed against the side of your face - he was whispering right into your ear, soft voice real and unchanged:

- I’m gonna slit your fucking throat if you’re not using it, - that caused a shiver to rush down your spine, arising goosebumps in its wake. You moaned out, doing as the murderer wanted, letting all the small sighs and moans flow freely from your lips, your voice lower than usual from all the crying and throatfucking.

Your breathing became shallow; your head just wasn’t working anymore - emotional shock along with physical abuse drained you out of all strength - you were a mere rug doll in psycho’s tight grip, and he could do whatever he pleased with you, you were too exhausted to fight back anyway.

Consciousness started to slip out of your grasp, vision blurred out with tears, dark spots appearing in the corners; König’s throbbing dick pounded your poor pussy mercilessly, thick cockhead nudged against all the sweet spots inside of you, his piercings stimulating you even further as if in spite of all your attempts to resist pleasure psycho was forcing onto you. A tight coil curled in the pit of your stomach, threatening to explode with every harsh snap of mighty hips against your reddened ass. Soaked with your slick fabric of König’s gloves felt overbearing against your clit, his fingers never once stopping to rub your sensitive nub.

A few moments later something deep within you snapped, like a rubber band stretched to its limit - suddenly the world around you turned white, ringing noise filled your ears as you had the most painful orgasm of your life being wrung out of you; your body quivered and thrashed in serial killer’s strong grip, unintelligible sounds and words poured out of your lips, barely louder than a whisper. And then everything became quiet. Soft velvet of darkness enveloped your bruised and exhausted body; you were drowning in warm waves of sleep, not finding it in yourself to try and fight them off. You gave in happily, trusting yourself in welcoming hands of darkness and quiet, afar from horrible reality, afar from fear and danger.

It felt as if your head was splitting in two - horrible ache settled somewhere deep inside of your brain, pain irradiated from within to the outsides of both hemispheres, causing you to groan in agony quietly in. Your whole body hurt, eyelids felt swollen and heavy even as they were closed; and then suddenly your eyes snapped open.

You were lying on cold hardwood flooring in your boyfriend’s living room, shorts and underwear still pulled down to your knees, but your hands now free from rope. You pulled your bottoms back up, hot tears pooling in your eyes as you let out a choked sob. You felt wretched, disgusting, dirty.

- Paul? - you called out to your boyfriend, the sound of your own voice startling you - hoarse and scratchy, total opposite from your usual octave.

As you turned around your breath got caught up in your chest, bitter ball of bile got stuck in your throat - you felt like you were about to throw up.

Here lay Paul - pale and lifeless, dull eyes staring blankly into nothingness, gag still fixed tightly around his head, now brown with dried out blood. Some of his insides spilled out of the gaping cut across his stomach, lying on the floor in a small heap right next to him, huge puddle of blood spread out on the floor, getting into all small cracks and gapes in wooden flooring.

And on the wall behind, in strange brownish color that looked all too similar to the caked blood on your boyfriend’s face, in sprawling handwriting were words:

SEE YOU SOON ♡

Slasher! König Masterlist

Another a/n: I’m planning on making it a series - let me know what you guys think<3 Likes, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! Give writes some love - we live off feedback<3

[wantonglances]

Netflix has done a lot of stupid shit and I acknowledge that, but I also acknowledge that they’re literally the only streaming service in the USA that dubs their anime in languages other than English.

[sammorrigansb]

Okay, I'm not good at English. Not yet. Despite that, I've decided to take my courage and try to post something like short reviews, impromptu thoughts, day-to-day life facts—this sort of stuff—starting with my spur-of-the-moment comment on Netflix's show "Safe".

I just watched the 6th episode, and I'm not convinced of what I've seen so far. I mean, the show is plenty of cliffhangers and it has its fast-paced moments. There are secrets and quests and reveals, but everything seems… Childish? Naive? Maybe these aren't the better adjectives, but they explain quite well what I thought about a couple of situations. For example, Emma and Pete. I figured a gripping storyline about these two—something dark in Pete's past involving Emma—and then…. D'oh! That's all I can say. And what about the missing girl? Wow. A well-trained teen detective. At sixteen, I was such a babe in the woods—to be kind. Times have changed a lot. Some subplots build potentially intriguing situations which, however, lead to solutions that made my arms fall to the ground. Either way, there are at least two matters I agree 100% with. A family can be a clot of silences and resentments masked by polite interactions. I have experienced that in person. You may be unaware of them or maybe you feel them and choose to ignore them, trusting in the power of time to heal anything that goes wrong or hoping that one morning you wake up and they are gone with a poof. Until they don't heal nor disappear and your life gets a boom. It's something to think about. The same with your community. We have a proverb, here in Italy: l'abito non fa il monaco. It can be translated, in a literal way, as the dress doesn't make the monk. You know it as: don't judge the book by its cover. The point is: you can feel safe with your neighbours, you may think your neighbourhood is a good place to stay and raise your kids, but you can't know who really are the people living behind the door next to yours. Some think a teenager's mind is a terrifying place, but of an adult's is much more sinister.

[sir-ballister-boldheart]

Nimona: EAT THE RICH

Ballister: I am trying!

Nimona:

Ballister:

Ballister: I wasn't supposed to say that out loud

[perfumejamal]

friendly competition (m.l + h.l)

pairing: bf!mark lee x f!reader x haechan, (a bit of mark x haechan )

genre: smut w barely any plot !

warnings: slight mxm and mxf, blowjobs, spitting, gagging, oral, creampie, threesomes, haechan is dirtyyy, can this count as cheating? idk, i didn’t mention protection BUT stay safe y’all, mark is the bf and haechan is his bsf

a/n: hi yall… this was originally written as an aot fanfic but i rewrote it to be a mark and haechan fic instead! this is based off an audio i’ve heard, you can listen go it here(wear headphones)! hope you guys enjoy!!

+ special tag: @isseoisseo

your boyfriend was the cutest guy ever. you met him at a random party your friend had dragged you to. usually you didn’t go further than maybe a hook up, but mark was different. he was a sweetheart, and you couldn’t let such a good guy get away.

after being together for a few weeks, you realized just how close he was to his best friend and roommate, haechan. it didn’t bother you, but sometimes it’d make you feel awkward. there’d be times when you were trying to be alone with him, but somehow haechan would always be there. you thought of talking to mark about it, but went against it. instead you started bringing your best friend along as well, to lessen the awkwardness.

this weekend however, was different. she was on her way to a family gathering, and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. so here you are in your boyfriend’s apartment, with his boyfriend.

the three of you sat in the dimly lit room, illuminated by the flat screen television in their spacious living room. you snuggled up close to each other on one end, while haechan sat on the other end. you guys were watching a random movie on netflix, girls trip.

you had never watched it but it was very entertaining. the three of you had your eyes glued to the screen. you looked over at haechan who occasionally glanced towards you and mark.

you quickly looked back at the large screen when they started talking about blowjobs. one of the girls in the movie started performing a blowjob on a banana using a grapefruit.

you weren’t shy to sex scenes in movies or shows, but this one made you blush slightly. you knew it made mark feel some type of way as well since he kept shifting in his spot.

you smirked at him, “don’t you think i give the best blowjobs?” you whispered to him forgetting haechan was also next to you guys. mark nods immediately, his cheeks turning red. as you continued teasing him haechan started giggling.

you roll your eyes, “what’s so funny, haechan?” you weren’t actually mad, but you were confused as to what he was laughing about.

“oh nothing,” he chuckles.

“you think it’s funny that i give the best blowjobs?” you ask looking over to him.

“i do think it’s funny,” he starts. “well, i think it’s funny because i’m very, very confident in my oral sex skills.” you roll your eyes again. “not just on women,” he adds making your boyfriend’s ears perk up in anticipation.

“i’m more skilled than you,” you flash him your sweet smile.

“is that right?” haechan asks, a smile plastered across his face. he turned to mark, who was red and in shock at your argument. “does she?” he asks. “does she give the best blowjobs?” he asks once more, making sure to specify what his question was.

haechan continues to laugh, knowing that mark will say yes… if he’s smart. mark let out a low whisper of an answer, “yes she does,”

“see i win,” you stick up your middle finger to haechan earning an amused look from him.

“hm, i don’t know. i bet i can give a better blowjob than you,” he started again. “i just get the feeling,” he laughs. “i’m sure you’re good, i just know i can do better. how about we test it out?”

you give him a questioning look, “what are you trying to say?”

“i mean, your boyfriend knows how you suck him off. how about we let him judge, let me suck him off,” haechan says without budging and your jaw drops. he wants to suck mark’s dick?

you never thought about haechan wanting to do that to your boyfriend, but maybe that’s why he’s so close to him? or maybe he’s just very competitive… like you.

mark is very intrigued seeing this scene playing out in front of him. “oh you’re so on, lee.” you shifted your attention over to mark, “is this okay with you babe?”

marks burries his face into his hands in embarrassment. “y-yes,”

haechan gets up from his side of the couch, quickly scurrying towards mark. dropping down to his knees stopping right in front of his lap.

“be ready to lose, y/n.” haechan says with a smirk on his face, soft hair held back in a messy bun.

you scoff, “yeah sure,” kneeling next to haechan giving him enough space to get to work.

haechan chuckles again before pulling at the hem of your boyfriend’s sweatpants. your boyfriend’s dick seemed to already be hardening, i mean how could it not with such a beautiful sight. his best friend and girlfriend kneeling between his legs, competing to see who could do him better.

mark’s dick sprung up hitting his abdomen and he let out a sweet moan. haechan placed his pretty hands around it, “i knew you had a pretty dick, but damn is this a hot sight.” he said, making your boyfriend whimper. precum leaking from his rosy tip, seeing this just made you even more turned on than before.

haechan put his mouth around the tip, swirling his tongue around it. “fuck,” mark let out a dragged out moan. the whimpers your boyfriend kept letting out just worked haechan up even more, causing him to take him into his mouth whole, inch by inch.

your fingers traveled down between your legs, sneaking into your pajama shorts. your boyfriend’s moans always drive you to the edge.

haechan noticed and moaned into mark’s dick, the vibrations making him go crazy. haechan kept bobbing his head up and down mark’s length, spreading all his saliva on it making a mess. he let mark’s tip rest on the back of his throat. he used his hand to fondle with his balls, making mark’s head throw back and eyes roll.

haechan slipped mark’s cock out of his mouth and used his hands to continue with the pleasure. “i hope you’re taking notes, y/n,” he said as he continued to stroke mark but was making eye contact with you.

you were opening your mouth to reply with a rebuttal, but your body betrayed you and you let out a loud moan. “fuck, shut up, haechan.”

he smiled to you before turning back to put his mouth around mark’s pretty cock, gagging to add to the pleasure. he knew mark was about to come undone, like never before. “you gonna come for me, mark?” he asks batting his eyelashes up at mark.

“mhm, fuck, fuck, haechan you’re doing me so fu-fucking good, shit,” haechan smiled at the praise coming from his best friend’s mouth.

“i want that fucking come down my throat,” haechan said as he stroked his dick faster, before lowering his head once again. he keep moaning mhm’s down mark’s dick. “i can feel you getting close,”

“you like that? like when i suck your dick and play with your balls?” mark cried out broken moan as haechan fiddled with his sensitive balls, “f-fuck haechan, fuck!” mark thrusted his dick into haechan’s mouth, making him gag around it. he came, mark came hard. his moans were echoing around the who apartment. his thrusts slowed down as he spilled into haechan’s mouth.

haechan took every single last drop into his mouth, moaned as he stroked for every last bit of it. swallowing it with a smile on his face, sticking out his tongue to show he rid of it all.

haechan chuckled as he looked at both of you, mark’s head thrown aback with a fucked out look, and you sat there surprised at his skills. “what’s the matter y/n? cat got your tongue?”

“i’ve never seen mark like this after my blowjobs,” you looked at mark then haechan when you said this. noticing that his shorts has wet patches and his dick imprinting against the soft fabric. “hae, you got hard?”

mark chuckled from the couch still mind blown at what just happened. “how could i not be? this shit was hot.”

your face flushed, and crawled over to eren. your hands playing with his waistband. “hae, lemme test out my skills on you, yeah?” you asked looking up to meet his eyes. he nodded nervously eyes looking up at mark then down to your own.

you got into all fours, lowering your head to his lap taking off his shorts and underwear. leaving him only with a white t-shirt, that exposed his soft muscles.

your hands worked their way around his hard cock, spitting on it, mixing his precum with it to make it easier for your hands to work around it. he was giving you filthy looks as a moan escapes his pretty mouth.

mark got up from the couch and walked behind you. lowering down to your ass which was in the air, moving side to side as you bobbed your head along haechan’s length.

mark’s veiny hands worked around your ass, delivering a sharp smack on your cheek making you choke on haechan’s dick. mark chuckled at your reaction as his hands moved between your legs, using the slick of your folds to rub up against you.

you were moaning against haechan’s making his hands travel to your cheek, wiping the tears falling from your watery eyes. “fuck, y/n, if you keep making that face,” haechan started. “you gonna make me fuck your pretty face,”

mark looked over to haechan as his fingers entered your tight cunt, “i think she want you to, haechan, her pussy is tightening around me.”

haechan chuckled, “y/n is that true? you want me to fuck your pretty face, huh?” you nodded your head eagerly, and haechan wasted no time to start thrusting into your face roughly.

“fuck, y/n,” mark and haechan both let out loud moans. mark slid his dick into your pussy, you swallowed him whole.

mark’s hands held onto your hips and he bucked his own into yours. “shit, i’m close y/n,” haechan moaned his voice breaking out from the immense pleasure. not only because of your mouth, but the fact that your boyfriend is fucking you while you’re sucking him off is making lightheaded.

a few more thrusts from haechan and he was spilling into your mouth, his cum dripping out the sides of your mouth and your eyes watering. “swallow it all, y/n.” mark said and haechan slowly slid his dick from your mouth and you complied, swallowing it all.

haechan stroked your cheeks telling you to open your mouth and show him, and you stuck out your tongue showing you did as mark told. “fuck, good girl.”

mark sat back down on the floor, pulling you to sit on top of him. now you’re riding him, while haechan watches it. this sight making him almost come undone again. haechan hands sneaked down to your clit and started rubbing circles to make you cum. his lips met yours and he placed a sloppy kiss on your numb lips. this made your boyfriend come and he spilled into your tight cunt, moaning loudly as he did so.

haechan pulled away from you, a trail of saliva following as his mouth headed to mark’s. he placed a sloppy kiss on mark as you threw you head back, feeling haechan’s cock growing inside of you as his cum felt warm against your insides.

“wanna fuck her? fuck my cum back into her,” mark said the last part as a demand, not a question. you whimpered at the thought and haechan pulled you towards him. laying you on your back.

the cum was starting to ooze out your pussy, making both boys hard again. fuck, this was gonna be a long night.

mark’s eyes were lost in lust, they sparkled as he saw his best friend’s dick enter your cunt. amazed as to how quick you swallow him whole. you were a blabbering mess, “a-ah please, h-hae! youre f-fucking me so…”

haechan’s thrusts were sloppy and fast. like he was in heat. he fucked you like his life depended on it, and mark’s attack to your sensitive clit didn’t make it any easier. “youre so fucking good, taking him like a slut,” mark chuckled.

he walked behind haechan and wrapped his arms around him. making you moan out as your boyfriend grabbed his jaw, turning haechan’s face to meet his own and making out with him.

haechan’s thrusts continued, sloppy and fast making your head spin. mark’s hands worked down haechan’s abs and stopped at your clit once again, going in circles. “a-h mar-rk, haechan fuck!” you cried out as they continued to make out.

haechan spilled into your pussy, his cum getting fucked into your cunt along with mark’s. his dick slid out and he moaned as the cum started oozing out.

mark’s face met your dripping cunt, “i wanna taste you on her haechan,” his tongue licked along your core and cried out at the change in temperature. he licked your pussy clean of haechan’s cum. haechan lowered down next to him they both licked at your core like they were thirsty.

“pl-please, ‘s too much!” you cried and they laughed. you felt like you’re gonna explode any time now.

once they finished cleaning you up they got up from they previous position. mark placed a kiss on your swollen lips, “you were great for us baby,” and you nodded as your eyes were closing from your tired, fucked out state.

[thunderboltfire]

I have a lot of complicated feelings when it comes to what Neflix has done with the Witcher, but my probably least favourite is the line of argumentation that originated during shitstorms related to the first and second season that I was unlucky to witness.

It boils down to "Netflix's reinterpretation and vision is valid, because the Witcher books are not written to be slavic. The overwhelming Slavic aestetic is CDPR's interpretation, and the setting in the original books is universally European, as there are references to Arthurian mythos and celtic languages" And I'm not sure where this argument originated and whether it's parroting Sapkowski's own words or a common stance of people who haven't considered the underlying themes of the books series. Because while it's true that there are a lot of western european influences in the Witcher, it's still Central/Eastern European to the bone, and at its core, the lack of understanding of this topic is what makes the Netflix series inauthentic in my eyes.

The slavicness of the Witcher goes deeper than the aestetics, mannerisms, vodka and sour cucumbers. Deeper than Zoltan wrapping his sword with leopard pelt, like he was a hussar. Deeper than the Redanian queen Hedvig and her white eagle on the red field.

What Witcher is actually about? It's a story about destiny, sure. It's a sword-and-sorcery style, antiheroic deconstruction of a fairy tale, too, and it's a weird mix of many culture's influences.

But it's also a story about mundane evil and mundane good. If You think about most dark, gritty problems the world of Witcher faces, it's xenophobia and discrimination, insularism and superstition. Deep-seated fear of the unknown, the powerlessness of common people in the face of danger, war, poverty and hunger. It's what makes people spit over their left shoulder when they see a witcher, it's what makes them distrust their neighbor, clinging to anything they deem safe and known. It's their misfortune and pent-up anger that make them seek scapegoats and be mindlessly, mundanely cruel to the ones weaker than themselves.

There are of course evil wizards, complicated conspiracies and crowned heads, yes. But much of the destruction and depravity is rooted in everyday mundane cycle of violence and misery. The worst monsters in the series are not those killed with a silver sword, but with steel. it's hard to explain but it's the same sort of motiveless, mundane evil that still persist in our poorer regions, born out of generations-long poverty and misery. The behaviour of peasants in Witcher, and the distrust towards authority including kings and monarchs didn't come from nowhere.

On the other hand, among those same, desperately poor people, there is always someone who will share their meal with a traveller, who will risk their safety pulling a wounded stranger off the road into safety. Inconditional kindness among inconditional hate. Most of Geralt's friends try to be decent people in the horrible world. This sort of contrasting mentalities in the recently war-ridden world is intimately familiar to Eastern and Cetral Europe.

But it doesn't end here. Nilfgaard is also a uniquely Central/Eastern European threat. It's a combination of the Third Reich in its aestetics and its sense of superiority and the Stalinist USSR with its personality cult, vast territory and huge army, and as such it's instantly recognisable by anybody whose country was unlucky enough to be caught in-between those two forces. Nilfgaard implements total war and looks upon the northerners with contempt, conscripts the conquered people forcibly, denying them the right of their own identity. It may seem familiar and relevant to many opressed people, but it's in its essence the processing of the trauma of the WW2 and subsequent occupation.

My favourite case are the nonhumans, because their treatment is in a sense a reminder of our worst traits and the worst sins in our history - the regional antisemitism and/or xenophobia, violence, local pogroms. But at the very same time, the dilemma of Scoia'Tael, their impossible choice between maintaining their identity, a small semblance of freedom and their survival, them hiding in the forests, even the fact that they are generally deemed bandits, it all touches the very traumatic parts of specifically Polish history, such as January Uprising, Warsaw Uprising, Ghetto Uprising, the underground resistance in WW2 and the subsequent complicated problem of the Cursed Soldiers all at once. They are the 'other' to the general population, but their underlying struggle is also intimately known to us.

The slavic monsters are an aestetic choice, yes, but I think they are also a reflection of our local, private sins. These are our own, insular boogeymen, fears made flesh. They reproduce due to horrors of the war or they are an unprovoked misfortune that descends from nowhere and whose appearance amplifies the local injustices.

I'm not talking about many, many tiny references that exist in the books, these are just the most blatant examples that come to mind. Anyway, the thing is, whether Sapkowski has intended it or not, Witcher is slavic and it's Polish because it contains social commentary. Many aspects of its worldbuilding reflect our traumas and our national sins. It's not exclusively Polish in its influences and philosophical motifs of course, but it's obvious it doesn't exist in a vacuum.

And it seems to me that the inherently Eastern European aspects of Witcher are what was immediately rewritten in the series. It seems to me that the subtler underlying conflicts were reshaped to be centered around servitude, class and gender disparity, and Nilfgaard is more of a fanatic terrorist state than an imposing, totalitarian empire. A lot of complexity seems to be abandoned in lieu of usual high-fantasy wordbuilding. It's especially weird to me because it was completely unnecessary. The Witcher books didn't need to be adjusted to speak about relevant problems - they already did it! The problem of acceptance and discrimination is a very prevalent theme throughout the story! They are many strong female characters too, and they are well written. Honestly I don't know if I should find it insulting towards their viewers that they thought it won't be understood as it was and has to be somehow reshaped to fit the american perpective, because the current problems are very much discussed in there and Sapkowski is not subtle in showing that genocide and discrimination is evil. Heck, anyone who has read the ending knows how tragic it makes the whole story.

It also seems quite disrespectful, because they've basically taken a well-established piece of our domestic literature and popular culture and decided that the social commentary in it is not relevant. It is as if all it referenced was just not important enough and they decided to use it as an opportunity to talk about the problems they consider important. And don't get me wrong, I'm not forcing anyone to write about Central European problems and traumas, I'm just confused that they've taken the piece of art already containing such a perspective on the popular and relevant problem and they just... disregarded it, because it wasn't their exact perspective on said problem.

And I think this homogenisation, maybe even from a certain point of view you could say it's worldview sanitisation is a problem, because it's really ironic, isn't it? To talk about inclusivity in a story which among other problems is about being different, and in the same time to get rid of motifs, themes and references because they are foreign? Because if something presents a different perspective it suddenly is less desirable?

There was a lot of talking about the showrunners travelling to Poland to understand the Witcher's slavic spirit and how to convey it. I don't think they really meant it beyond the most superficial, paper-thin facade.

[child-of-hurin]

I'm on episode 4 and unsure how I feel about Netflix's Three Body Problem overall, but I'm pleasantly surprised by a number of things:

If they were never going for an all-Chinese cast, I so far appreciate the attempts at giving it a worldly feel. I like that we hear a lot of different languages and I appreciate that key nationalities --Ye Wenjie and Mike Evans more obviously, but also Sophon's chosen Japanese appearance -- were kept, and I appreciate the diverse cast too, immensely. I feel like it's safe to hope for more even more in-universe diversity. Wondering if we'll see Manuel Rey Diaz lol.

It feels at the same time an obvious solution and a bold move to have the protagonists of each book be friends in this one -- I think it takes away from the insane scope of the series, but OTOH it does facilitate it for the viewer, and allows for more character exploration, which we know is something Western audiences tended to feel was lacking in the original trilogy. I was worried the show would not be able to develop so many characters at once, but by ep 4 I feel the opposite! The cast feels strong too, I'm pleasantly surprised by the quality of the acting. But I had very low expectations.

I was worried an adaptation would water down the discussion of fascism that is ever so present in the book (albeit discreet to the point that many readers say it's not a political book!) but I was pleasantly surprised on that front too... The (purposefully) half-committed discussions about god and violence have hit some mark for me so far, though I'm not entirely sure what mark it was. But it's there!

I wish they had been more bold visually, but I can't complain of the quality of the effects!

If you have any opinions about these topics, I'd be curious to hear about them!

[cfiesler]

Happy “Sherlock Holmes is finally in the public domain” day!

Because the character of Sherlock Holmes did not originate in a single work, but rather a series of short stories that were published over time (between 1887 and 1927), though the character has been in the public domain due to expired copyright for some time, only as he appeared in the early stories. 

So though e.g. BBC paid licensing fees to the Conan Doyle estate to be on the safe side, there have also been lawsuits splitting hairs about whether a particular portrayal of the character contained elements that were still under copyright. A 2014 U.S. Court of Appeals case established that yes, Sherlock Holmes the character was in the public domain, copyright protection would still apply to elements that only appeared in later stories--for example, Holmes’ love of dogs and Watson’s marriages.

So what about this guy?

Conan Doyle’s estate actually sued Netflix over the film Enola Holmes because they claimed that Sherlock’s character was too “warm” and had “more respect for women” than he did in the earlier, public domain stories. The lawsuit went away - rightfully, because I cannot imagine any world in which Netflix lost that case - but as of today, we no longer have to worry about such silly lawsuits. Because as of today every one of Conan Doyle’s portrayals of Sherlock Holmes is officially in the public domain!

Of course, keep in mind that this applies to Conan Doyle’s work and not other portrayals of Sherlock Holmes that might have their own copyrighted elements. So if you’re writing Johnlock fanfic that is very clearly based on the BBC version, maybe keep it noncommercial. :)

Also here’s a video if you want to hear me talk about this for 3 minutes instead!

[an-idyllic-novelist]

dark schneider with shinobu!reader headcanons - part two

Warnings: ooc, violence, KNY manga spoilers, Bastard!! anime season two spoilers, strong language, violence, mentions of PTSD.

If you are not comfortable reading this type of story, please push the back button and read something more pleasant.

Hey guys, welcome to part two the fluffier version of the yandere headcanons, featuring the handsome, arrogant wizard Dark Schneider of the Netflix's anime series Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy and the character!reader who is Shinobi Kocho from the beloved world of Demon Slayer aka Kimetsu no Yaiba! The link to them will be here.

For those who just came here and haven’t read part one, please do so before proceeding. The link to part one is here.

As it is portrayed in the series, there will be multiple references to heavy metal bands. I claim no ownership over them, including the lyrics of Operation: Mindcrime, composed by the American heavy metal band Queensryche in 1988 under the album of the same name.

Special thanks to @ccruzmoon, @anniespostssworld, @enryegotrip, and @mitra555 for their feedback and help with making this one of the best sequels I’ve written for a headcanon series in a long while! :)

So, with that being said, sit back, relax, and let's dive back into a world of magic and musical mayhem!

Golems from the ancient world aren’t much different than the ones used today. They are sentient, programmed to perform certain tasks, and able to regenerate themselves should their bodies be destroyed by an enemy. In fact, they were deemed as prototypes of an ‘AI - Drone’. Yoko didn’t know much beyond what her father had shown her in the temple’s sacred texts, but she did emphasize just how lucky you were to have discovered one in a weapons’ storehouse belonging to the Dark Rebel Army, with its parts and programming still in excellent condition. You have had it for over a year, and you can certainly tell that it wasn’t used for thermal optics or firing weapons at opponents from great distances like the AI-Drones were originally designed to do in war. 

For one, Led Zeppelin was made of metal dripped in gold, with stubby legs and a long feathery tail as well as wings. It could change its body’s mass from the size of a dumpling to a pillow in the blink of an eye, and had a mouth of razor-sharp teeth that served two purposes: storing items in its body, and showing recordings it took from its point of view. Oh, and biting people who came too close to you, its owner. Apparently, according to the technicians in the samurai residence, Led Zeppelin immediately bonded with you, the first person it saw once they had reactivated its factory settings. 

Well…supposed it is still a tad bit rude to keep referring to Led Zeppelin as an ‘it’ when ‘he’ has always been by your side, acting as a personal assistant and a subsequent comfort pet because goldfish have been extinct for the last century. When the night terrors began occurring last month, however, your Zeppelin had been stuck in the mechanical shop for a month because a few of his corroding parts were getting more difficult to find, courtesy of the Dark Rebel’s Army growing power in the country. 

But now the remaining safe haven in A-Ian-Maide was under attack by two Samurai Shoguns and a herd of sphinxes, your golem’s role would be more important than ever. He would keep Lucien Renlen safe, along with the women and children and the samurai who are stationed to look after them. When you gave this order, the golem shook his body rapidly - clearly he wanted to follow you into the battlefield outside. 

You smiled sadly as you shook your head too, cradling the tiny Zeppelin in your hands. “You have to. If there is anyone in this world who is capable of defeating the Dark Rebel Army and preventing them from reviving the God of Destruction,” You looked up, seeing a raven-haired young man in standard leather armor and about to burst into tears as he looked at you with wide, dark blue eyes. “It is the boy you are protecting. This is my final command as your owner.” When you said this, Zeppelin started weeping. You were startled. Since when golems could cry?

“Ara, ara, come now.” You cooed, wiping away the golden, oily tears with your thumbs. “You must be brave for me, Led Zeppelin. Farewell, my dearest companion.” Pressing a kiss against his tiny horns, you reluctantly took a few steps forward and placed Led Zeppelin on top of Lucien’s head. Giving the golem one final pat on the head, you turned around, ready to sprint from the main lobby and toward what might become your tombstone when a pair of wiry arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you tightly from behind.

“[First Name], please don’t go!” You couldn’t feel his tears through your leather armor, and yet his voice was cracked. Desperate to keep you here behind the safety of the castle’s walls….even when these walls may come crumbling down the longer you are here. Untangling Lucien’s arms from your body, you turned around and faced him, covering his quivering hands with your own. 

“Lucien, I can’t. I need to be there for them, for Yoko. I can’t fail as I…as I had failed the two of you in Meta-llicana, the citizens. If I had only been quicker, stronger….none of this would have happened. And you wouldn’t have taken so long to recover. I’m so, so, sorry.” For a brief moment, you saw a glimmer of recognition in Lucien’s eyes. Perhaps you were already losing your mind? 

Shaking your head, you released Lucien’s hands from your grasp….and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Remember this, Lucien. To be born is a blessing. Do not look back in remorse, because nothing good comes from it. And remember to smile, even when it seems like suffering is coming towards you like an avalanche and it’s hard to breathe. But above all else….never forget that you are loved. Yoko loves you, and I love you. You are strong, and even if something happens to me…I know you will keep moving forward.” 

Leaning forward, you gently kissed Lucien. This is the same ritual Yoko had secretly been performing when she thought no one was around, oblivious to just how many times Led Zeppelin has caught her in action and you’ve seen it via the recordings. As the high priest’s daughter, she was the only other person left who could perform the Accept spell that would release Dark Schneider. Yet for the last two years, Lucien’s second identity never emerged. 

But you had hope. You believe that he will return…because he is the handsome, unsaintly, powerful hero of this universe. The show wouldn’t be the same without its main star, and it’s already been five episodes into the second season. 

Reluctantly, you took a step back from Lucien and Led Zeppelin, then another before you turned around and blitzed down the carpeted corridor towards the sound of battle cries, spell-casting, and the deafening roar of the sphinxes. A genocide opera almost fitting for an Insect Hashira ready to lay her life on the line….and bring her enemies down with her, no matter the cost. 

“Let me out! Damn it you brat, I said let me out! Let me help [First Name] or else she’ll get killed out there! Do you want her to die, or do you want her to live with us as the queen of the world we’ll conquer?!” Dark Schneider screamed inside Lucien’s head, pouring more of his magic through the seal that has kept him imprisoned in this weak body. “I’m ready! I’m strong enough to destroy these bastards now! SO LET ME OUT ALREADY, GODDAMMIT!!” 

The rain made the rocks slick, so blitzing from one area of the crumbling castle to another at your speed was almost impossible without slipping and spraining your ankle.  Leaving yourself wide open isn’t an option either, especially when one of the Shoguns was using wire to incapacitate his enemies, just like what he had done with Jorg. Making yourself scarce wasn’t your fighting style, but you couldn’t always do what you wanted to do on a battlefield. 

Still…the wires….

You carefully thumbed one of them, eyeing it carefully before recognition flashed through your mind. Ah, now  you remember! It had been when that girl who fancied herself as redeemable even after she allowed her little brother to kill so many humans and make them his spider familiars! If that’s the case….

You unsheathed your sword, palming the leather handle for a moment before you swiftly swung the blade, cutting down the wires that kept you from reaching the other samurai, Vai leading them. As you walked towards them, it took all of your willpower to not look down and see the bloodied corpses of the men sprawled at your feet. 

He was surprised, yelling how it was possible that you could see the threads. His statement made you blink in shock, pausing your treatment of an injured samurai. The wires were invisible, and yet you could see them? How odd. You were sure they could see it too. 

Shaking your head, you quickly administered the necessary aid to your patient from the sewed pockets of your haori. 

 A full vial of Dragon’s Breath to cauterize the wound, dried vermillion petals soaked in alcohol for disinfection, followed by bandages. “Believe me, I wish I knew too, but this is neither the time nor the place, Vai.” You said, helping the patient onto his feet. “All right, let’s get him somewhere where he can lay low -“ 

That was when you all heard it: a roar that shook the earth, ripping across the air through the valley followed by warmth seeping down your neck. Fear coiled itself in your stomach as the low thudding of footsteps grew closer. Blinking slowly, you turned your head and saw it. A magnificent specimen of a male sphinx, it’s orange mane bristled and teeth baring. 

Oh, dear. That is not good. It’s one thing to have a magical creature being controlled by a wizard, but an angry one? Definitely not good. You licked your cracked mouth. 

“Vai?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you distract that sphinx?”

“What?” 

“I said, can you distract this incredibly terrifying animal long enough so I can strike it from behind?” You said, patience wearing thin. “Can you do it or not?” 

Vai faltered for a moment, glancing at the sphinx before he groaned. “F-Fine, but be quick! It’s resistant to magic!” He exclaimed, taking the injured samurai from you and passing him to another comrade. 

You grinned. “Good thing what I have in mind does not involve using spells.” Bending your knees, you leaned back and blitzed forward. The sphinx unfurled its massive feathered wings, releasing strong gusts of wind that blew most of the samurai away, and high up in the air. Just where you needed to be. You inhaled sharply through your teeth, spinning your body so you were facing the sphinx, your dominant arm pulled back and holding your gleaming ninichrin blade. 

“Insect Breathing: Butterfly Dance Caprice.” 

You lunged forward, stabbing the sphinx in its backside and hind legs with the poison you had applied to the sword prior to the invasion as part of your weekly maintenance routine. You could have targeted the chest and behind the ears, but it would have taken longer for the poison to be absorbed into its body. The areas you struck in the male were much more vulnerable simply because they were used to attract potential females through an intricate dance, similar to what certain exotic birds did during mating season, at least that’s what you read in the encyclopedias back in your old world. 

Landing on the fractured stones of a destroyed keep, you watched in sadistic satisfaction as the sphinx crumbled into a heap, struggling to stand up for just a brief moment before losing consciousness. Good. It’s working. You thought. 

“I’m going ahead!” You yelled. “I’ll take down as many of these sphinxes as I can, and provide cover! If you see any threads blocking your path, tell me and I’ll cut them!” 

“How are you even doing this?!”

“Strike first, ask questions later!” 

And that was exactly what you did. You struck down the sphinxes who weren’t too high up in the air with your poison and sliced through the wires that weren’t coated with the heavy oil Yoko had released, flying across the battlefield like a butterfly just as you had done as a Demon Slayer. 

Who would have thought that one of the people you had saved during an outbreak of purple fever had been a magician gifted in the art of reconstructing an entire object to its original condition, so long as she had a piece of it? 

But there was no time for being sentimental, even for a second. The samurai were counting on you to even the odds that were in their favor. 

 Darting across the ruins of the castle, you heard a maniacal, grating laugh from amongst the sphinx’s roars. Skidding to a halt, you glanced up and saw a figure dressed in white and balancing himself in midair on a wire, holding Joshua captive in a web. Ah, that must be the Sorcerer Shogun responsible for killing Jorg. 

Supposed….it’s time to also test that too, hm? 

You inhaled a deep breath, closing your eyes as you crouched down towards with your sword by your side. Focus on opening the blood vessels in your legs, pumping oxygen through every muscle fiber and remaining absolutely still until you’re ready. You waited…and then you felt it. The muscles in your legs grew taunt, like a bowstring being pulled back and the faintest trace of thunder crackling beneath your feet. You smiled sadly.  Forgive me for using your own Breathing Style, Zenitsu. 

[Eye Color] irises snapped open. “Thunder Breathing: Thunderclap and Flash!” 

You pushed on your back leg, catapulting through the air as blue-white bolts of lightning swept beneath your feet. You raised your sword, slicing through the threads and allowing Joshua to get free.  Because you were ‘running’ at a high speed, you were not able to stop until you collided with the cliffside. You backflipped, using the momentum from your feet and the remainder of the Thunder Breathing technique to propel from the rocky terrain and propel towards the Sorcerer Shogun.

Dark brown hair matted down, half of it covering the right side, with a single red eye widening in surprise as you flew towards him, smiling and inhaling through the mouth again. 

“Insect Breathing, Dance of the Centipede: Hundred Legged Zigzag. Thunder Breathing: Thunderclap and Flash!”

Using two separate Breathing Styles at once is almost impossible because of the strain it puts on the body and having complete control over both techniques without it faltering either of them. You zigzagged across the sky, and with the lightning under your feet, it allowed you to close the distance between you and the Sorcerer Shogun, sword aimed at his neck. But instead of putting the poor fool out of his misery, you just grazed his clavicle area. 

Still, a graze will allow the poison to seep into his body. Won’t be long before he’s knocked out as well. You thought, landing on the ground on wobbly feet. You blinked, steadying yourself and trying very hard to ignore the black dots clouding your vision. Oh dear, methinks that was a bit too much. Well, can’t stop now. You thought, sheathing your sword just when you heard your name being called. Turning around, you saw Joshua running towards you, his mouth open and….saying something? 

Darkness suddenly enveloped you from behind, yet before you could do anything you felt something heavy and furry collide against your back, knocking the air out of your lungs as you were suddenly planted face-first into the ground. You wheezed. You tried to push yourself up, but the pressure just increased. Damn it, you might have broken a rib. Maybe two of them. The deafening roar that pierced your ear told you what was pinning you down. A sphinx. Not the smaller males. This was a female, and it is the larger one of the aggressive species. More than that, she doesn’t play with her food. 

If she’s hungry, she’ll swallow you in a single gulp. 

Nausea clenched at your throat like a fist, making it difficult to breathe through your nose. Your vision was starting to grow blurry. No. No…I can’t…I need…to get…up! 

“It’s okay.”

You froze, startled upon hearing a very familiar voice inside the recesses of your mind. Lucien? Is that…how did you…?!

“Everything will be okay, [First Name]. We’re here now. Just hang tight.”  

That was when the smell of sulfur hit you. The sphinx’s paw that had you pinned down was suddenly off, allowing you to roll onto your back and let air enter your body, even as the flames were grazing  the sleeves of your haori.  You watched with blurry eyes as the magical creature was incinerated….along with the others that were in the sky…by vortexes of red flames that jutted…from the castle’s baileys and rooftops? 

There’s only one person in the world who could perform magic on that scale. You smiled. It’s him. He’s back, after two long years. 

Dark Schneider is more than a little annoyed right now. 

He might have been able to take over after promising Lucien that he will keep [First Name] once he took possession of the body, but the badass comeback he had been planning to make in this series totally got screwed up by that weird-lookin’ peasant! Royal bodyguard? Sorry, no one gives orders to Dark Schneider, he’s the one that hands them out on a silver platter to his loyal servants. 

And why the fuck did the Sorcerer Shogun with Yorazashi threads quickly recover from the poison that his queen had personally given him?! No one is supposed to have plot immunity except for him, the gorgeous and saintly protagonist! 

He’s scripted to have a flashy battle with these clowns too, damn it! Macapine and Ba Thory are going down. He didn’t care if his salary was going to get cut in this episode, [First Name] needed him, right now. 

Raising his hand, the mighty evil wizard summoned the Goa Cyclone spell, followed by Spears ‘o Stone. The last one impaled the Shogun that had bugs in his body. Macapine was sent flying somewhere, and Dark Schneider hoped he would never come back for the rest of the season. Closing his eyes, he began to channel magic into the next incantation; this was a tricky spell, since it required a considerable amount of concentration for him to be able to accurately track down the person he wishes to find. 

Come, you know that you cannot refuse me

Let me into your mind,

So that we can watch the dragon burn 

Beneath the moonlight and stars of Revolution!

Operation Mindcrime!

Purple smoke and sparks of lightning billowed around him, swirling like a rising mist before immediately sinking into the crumbled stones beneath his feet. Dark Schneider’s magic thrummed as it traveled beneath the earth, driven by his desire to seek out the Insect Hashira, looking for the tiniest spec of her own white magic. Once his magic found that thin tendril, he was able to find her. 

She was being cradled by Kai’s arms while Yoko kneeled in front of her, the high priestess using her holy magic. Dark Schneider almost snarled at the sight of small lacerations on his queen’s face, the bruises on her hands and the sound of ribs being pushed back into place, eliciting a pained groan from her.

That’s enough. He thought, walking down the stairs, past the onlookers and Mifune, towards the battlefield with Lars tagging along behind him…and [First Name]’s golem. Yeah, the little bastard didn't like him one bit, not with how much he’s growling and snapping his teeth. He quickened his stride, almost blitzing through the carnage towards where the others were….wait, what is [First Name] doing?!

Yoko and Kai were yelling at her as she wobbled unsteadily towards a partially-eaten samurai, his lower half covered with what looked like the same creatures Ba Thory summoned to try to use on him, the greatest sorcerer in the world. 

“I appreciate your concern Yoko, Kai, but please let me…see what these creatures are. If they are what I think they are….we still have a chance to save everyone!” She looked at them with wide eyes, tired and desperate. “Please.”

Dark Schneider quickened his pace, almost running towards them with a furrowed brow. “Idiot.” He muttered. What could [First Name] even do in her current condition. Moreover, why is she trying so hard to save nobodies who barely made an impact on the second season of this show? She needed to take care of herself before taking care of others. How many close-calls of collapsing from overworking and suffering from night-terrors is it going to take until she understands that she can’t do everything if she’s weak? 

“Hey -” He called out, wanting to know what exactly is going on in this scenario when someone struck him in the back of the head with a fish. Glancing over his shoulder, the wizard felt annoyance and fear coil in his stomach simultaneously as he saw Yoko glowering down at him. 

“Late, late, late! You are so late!” She screamed, relentless in her assault as she continued to hit his head. “What took you so long?! What have you been up to for the past two years?! Almost the entire new cast of characters and we’re at risk of getting canceled unless we do something!” Her fists were quickly replaced with a mace that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “But on top of it all, [First Name] says she can save everyone but we don’t even know how or what she’s talking about!”

“And why should I care what happens to them?” Dark Schneider barked as he rubbed his sore skull, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. “I don’t care about anyone else except for [First Name].”

The high priestess shook her fist in the air.  “What was that, you ungrateful little-!”

“That’s enough, Yoko!” [First Name] snapped, kneeling beside the fallen samurai next to Kai. Pulling out a scalpel, forceps and corked vial from her haori. 

She made an incision on one of the worms, causing it to squeal and writhe. Kai immediately plunged the tip of her sword into the leech, keeping it still long enough for [First Name] quickly used the forceps, pulling out a slimy, translucent worm about an inch, two inches long, holding it up in the air. 

“I knew it.” She whispered. “This is it.”

“What is it?” Kai asked. 

“This, my dear friend, is a regeneration worm. Difficult to find due to its rarity, but it is capable of healing wounds that cannot be repaired by magic,” [First Name] shared a hopeful smile with the taller woman. “Maybe…bring back our comrades from the brink of death. Like Schen Karr here.”

“You’re serious?”

“Quite.” [First Name] said. “Yoko! I need him!” 

“What?” 

“Trust me! Darsh, could you come here please? You too, Yoko!” [First Name] asked, waving her hand up and down in the air as she looked at him, hope and determination dancing in her eyes. 

Dark Schneider groaned. He knew that look. She wasn’t going to stop now until she collapses, so why does it turn him on so much? Well….he’ll just have to sweep her up in his arms like a princess and give some TLC later, right? Wait….did she just call him Darsh? He felt his face heat up a little. Damn it. Why does it sound so much better when she says than how Arshes called me that in the past?!

[First Name] quickly explained what he already knew about regeneration worms, and where Yoko’s healing magic comes into play. Kai was all for it and took off to inform the remaining samurai to gather what’s left of their fallen comrades. The high priestess went to work on Schen Karr, chanting blessed spells around Schen Karr while Dark Schneider and Led Zeppelin collected the worms. He had no problems finding the bastard Ba Thory and taking him apart piece by piece to get what his queen wanted, but how and why would a golem help out?

He knew about their storage capacity, nothing else beyond that. 

When he saw its jaws open and devour the leeches on the samurai’s body in three bites and regurgitate the worms on the ground in a neat pile by his feet, Dark Schneider withdrew his previous statement. 

While the handsome hero and his trusty sidekick Lars helped collect the worms, [First Name] would insert them inside her patients after she patched them up the wounds that Yoko's magic couldn’t reverse. The reddish-orange hues of dawn soon appeared over the mountainside as the heavy rain dissipated into a light sprinkle. The samurai crowded around, hugging each other or rushing around to help the citizens who got caught in the crossfire, bringing them to either Yoko or [First Name]. 

However, Dark Schneider could see that the healing process was taking its toll on his queen. She kept rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to keep them focused on her task. She needed to rest, and yet there was still a line of people who needed treatment. He commended [First Name] for being as patient as she had been, because he would’ve snapped the whiny warrior’s neck in half right now for refusing to lie still. No one wanted a weird-ass worm inside of them, but she would never deliberately endanger a patient. Yoko agreed, trying to coax the man that everything will be alright, yet he remained defiant. 

Dark Schneider’s eyes narrowed when the idiot slapped his queen’s shaky hand, causing her to drop the forceps and the worm to fall onto the ground. Led Zeppelin gobbled up the little bugger so it wouldn’t go to waste, and [First Name] had the patient pinned down by the throat.

 She needed to stop, now. 

He pushed past the crowd, walking right behind Shinobu and carefully removing her hand from the bastard, pressing his chest against her back for a moment before he scooped her up in his arms. 

“And you’re done! Hey asshole,” He glowered at the sniveling rat. “Show a little more compassion that it was my queen treating you second-rate servants and not me, or you’d be dead already. Actually,” The wizard turned to Yoko. “Let them  die if they keep acting like this. The casting department should have more than enough money left in the budget to hire more actors for this season.”

Yoko shook her head, the corners of her mouth tugging into a small smile before someone else, one of the civilians, came forward and offered to take over. The high priestess nodded, with Led Zeppelin reluctantly staying behind as Dark Schneider walked away with [First Name]. 

“Thank you, Darsh. Although if my memory serves me correctly, I did not say that I am your queen.” The Insect Hashira said, looking up at him with an inquisitive frown. 

“So you’re telling me there’s still a chance.” Dark Schenider responded with a grin.He watched in amusement as she just stared at him, wide-eyed before she sighed,  closing them as she shook her head at him fondly. “You haven’t changed a bit. Still…I’m glad you and Lucien are all right.” 

“Why wouldn’t we?”

“The last battle did take a toll on you, the both of you, Darsh, and if I-” 

“That wasn’t your fault.” 

“But -”

“You weren’t the one who summoned the Demon Mail and used it to attack Princess Sheila or me. That was Abigail. You did what you had to do to ensure everyone had a chance to survive. What happened to Meta-llicana was not your fault, so don’t you dare say it is or so help me I will drop you right now.” He hissed, halting in his trek to look down at her. “Do you understand?” [First Name] didn’t respond, instead she just blinked rapidly at him, face frozen with shock from the words he said before he scoffed, turning his attention to their surroundings. 

It’s not exactly an ideal place to rest, but this area wasn’t too far from the others and didn’t have as much debris lying around. Using his magic, Dark Schneider levitated and transformed  two of the largest rocks into a pillow and a small mattress. He remembered [First Name] referring to them as a ‘futon’. He remembered her telling him, as Lucien, the difference between a four poster bed and what she had been used to sleeping back in her old world. This was the closest thing he could create from how she described them

His queen was…well, she was in awe of his greatness. Her hands clenched, fisting and pulling on the fabric of his shirt before he set her down. Well, actually he kept her in his arms as he kneeled down and tucked her under the duvet. “There. All cozy, isn’t it?” He smirked, resting his chin with one hand as he laid on top of the futon while the other stroked the top of her head. 

Laying on his side next to her, the wizard smiled as he saw [Eye Color] irises fluttering beneath his touch, trying to fight off the exhaustion when it was already a losing battle for [First Name]. Then all of a sudden, she sat up from the futon and he felt something warm and soft press against his cheek. Her lips. She just kissed him. Willingly. Holy fuck. 

[First Name] smiled sleepily. “Thank you…Darsh.” Her serene voice muddled down to a soft, drowsy murmur before she laid flat on her back under the futon, her eyes closing. Five minutes later, her breathing slowed to soft inhaling and exhaling through the mouth. All Dark Schneider could do was stare down at her with a wide, goofy grin and pink cheeks while the dog ears on top of his head wiggled. 

[First Name] loves me. She loves us, Lucien! He exclaimed in his mind, the bushy tail behind him wagging in excitement. If everything goes well, we might even hit third base before the second season is over! When all he heard was a disapproving silence in the background, Dark Schneider chuckled weakly, continuing to pet [First Name]’s head gently. Okay, okay, maybe that’s a little too soon, but c’mon, not even a kiss for the handsome hero who busted his ass to save this show from being canceled forever? We gotta give these viewers something!

[Next will be season 2’s famous bath scene 😉 who wants to get tagged?]

Taglist:

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@ccruzmoon

@cassanderasblog

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[directdogman]

My cat, now may I have a fun fact that’s stored in your brain, directsogman?

Also she looks a lot less dead inside irl I promise

here's a fact for you: after satan launched his failed rebellion (cringe), most of the participants in his naughty coup were cast down into the flaming pits of hell (as seen in Dante's Inferno: the Netflix special) but since a good chunk of the place was being zoned off at the time to test for asbestos (and thus, could not safely house the demons that were designated to reside there), those unlucky demon souls were instead cast down to earth.

To ensure these wicked souls could do no further harm, they were transferred into the bodies of dumb cats (all of whom happened to be orange, in order to not lose track of which cats had divine court appointments coming up.)

So, that's why orange cats are like that. it's down to demonic software running on dodgy hardware. hopefully this will make things clearer the next time your cat walks head-first into a wall and then sprints away, as if something stationary somehow snuck up on it. That was actually William Blake's intention when he painted The Flight of Moloch:

...as you know, the art world hadn't really adapted to painting cats well yet. esp orange ones.

depicting these demons in their origin forms was the only way to get the art taken seriously. but it's them. the very same lunatics. goodnight, all.