#She just got back from a work trip so that’s where she got the rona from 😬

[safyresky]

I'm not sure I've told you guys about my trashy neighbours, but I'm gonna tell you now bc I've been living in the spare bedroom at the back of the house which has the perfect view of their porch where they hang out being trashy, and, when the window is open, surround sound of whatever the shit they're going on about, and was just woken up by their bs!

Some quick notes for y'all on their general nature:

There's three of them; trashy woman (we call her trashy trish), her partner who is ur stereotypical bad sitcom hubby to match her bad sitcom wife vibes, and a third girl who is ?????? Related??? To them??? I think???

Wife likes to smoke sitting on her porch and glare in our general direction

Two winters ago they came charging at me while I was shovelling the snow, mad because I had APPARENTLY blocked their driveway while shovelling my snow over to the snow bank across the street bc there's no space for snowbanks on our side

Trashy wife was like "I'VE GOT PICTURES OF YOU DOIN IT!! I'LL CALL THE COPS!!" then proceeded to trip and fall and roll like a potato on a patch of ice (a story for another time)

It was amazing

The husband recently traded in his car for a honda civic with a loud ass muffler

He enjoys revving the engine on purpose and doing burnouts in the street, also on purpose

Called it a "civ" when his work friends came over to help him "work" on said civ

"hey man let me show you how a CIV does it"

(I'm not sure if those words are HAUNTING me or living rent free in my brain tbh)

he then proceeds to do a burnout so nasty the house smelt like burnt rubber for five minutes after

Got so annoyed at their upstairs neighbour for helping my neighbour with her driveway, because she was parking in it, that same winter the potato roll took place, that they were horrible enough to her that she moved out

Their reasoning for being mad about it: she wasn't helping with THEIR driveway even though she wasn't using it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Third girl has a boo thang who drives a smart car and ALWAYS PARKS IT THE WRONG WAY ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ROAD

So that's a quick round up of their best moments to preface what I just woke up to!

I live in a university town, and unfortunately the kids in this town like to celebrate something called FOCO, which is short for FAKE homecoming. The reason why it existed was for students from years ago when HOCO was banned. However, HOCO has been back for years at this point, but when the students came back after a year and or two of being remote, they were RAVENOUS for parties and seemingly brought it back even tho it was totally unnecessary.

This weekend is "FOCO". Next weekend is "HOCO". There is no football game next weekend which defeats the purpose of HOCO. The alumni are supposed to come back and watch a game and bond with current students, but when there's no football game (american football) it's like ??? Tf???

Anyway for a FOCO weekend, it's been relatively quiet--probably bc most people are sick with various flus and ronas, if the pharmacy shelves yesterday were anything to go off of. And on the school sub, anytime someone asked about foco about 8 to 10 users replied "foco is stupid, just let it die". It seems to be getting a bit loud next door now though, and apparently across the street at trashy Trisha's place.

I was asleep trying to fight a potentially covid induced headache (came up negative Thursday night, but my fiance was positive so I'm sure it's only a matter of time) when I am awoken to a crude rendition of Trashy Trisha's Greatest Hits, ft the not so soothing background vocals of her Cuckold Husband and Girl-Who-May-Be-Related-To-Them. Featuring songs we know and love such as:

FUCKING UNI LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER

YEAH YOU BETTER RUN YOU PIECE OF SHIT STUDENT

GOD I FUCKING HATE STUDENTS

FUCKING UNI CLOTHES WEARING TWINK

And so on and so on.

In my sleepy headache induced haze I perk up, and surmise this from the screeching across the way: a group of students were walking and decided to smash a mirror to pieces. Trashy Trish saw them and rallied her troops, and all three of them were shouting and yelling at the students who had the misfortune of being seen by the grumpiest woman on the street. Shouts of I SAW YA followed by YEAHHHHHS from her two satellites has me feeling like I'm listening to Myrtle Lilo and Stitch go off about some shit while her croonies go YEAHHHHHHHHH beside her. Where's Lilo with her fists of fury when you need them, eh?

Anyway they run off to the building across the street, which they have the misfortune of living in, and Trashy Trish is screeching like something that screeches, and her Cuckold Hubbers hops into the sedan (not the civ) and GUNS IT down the street to get a better look at these three kids who simply gave in to a destructive need while under the influence, as do we all at one point (sometimes even without influence. Destruction is FUN).

He races back like he's the fucking block captain or some shit and confirms that it's three kids and they're wearing this and that and Trashy Trish is like IM GONNA CALL THE COPS ON THEM ALL and I'm like good fucking luck bc the last time we did that after seeing which apartment stole the stop sign, the cops didn't do shit lmao.

Anyway, I rolled out of bed to check on the fiance and went downstairs to water the plants I put outside again bc the weekend is going to be VERY WARM, and guess what I didn't see?

The smashed up mirror Trashy Trish was so hopped up about.

[shima-draws]

Uh oh sisters my mom got covid 😬

[eerythingisshaka]

Life Update

I don't get on here talking too much about personal stuff anyway but I haven't spoken to too many about this and this space seems nice to put my feelings and stuff without a lot of blow back.

Whether its been noticed or not, I have slowed on writing because first the pandemic has zapped a lot of my will and creativity. Miss outdoors and friends and going places so I think I have ignored how much that has affected me but it has. I have been on the good side of this though: still employed, working from home, and not caught the rona. But it has been difficult facing life at home only.

When my mom went to the hospital with blood clots in her lungs in November, that shook me cuz she is my main support at home and my buddy without seeing my friends and I have siblings but I felt very alone in how much I missed her for that week and a half hospitalization. House too quiet, life too dull,, I wasn't me.. but she recovered stupendously, and she is fine now with regular check up on her blood. And I even wrote again after that.

But since the new year, my brother has been going through symptoms related to his leukemia diagnosis from 2019. A former athlete, his pace these last few months has grown slower, dazzling personality dimming but a fighter all the same. He is 41 years old, a jokester, the funny of the family with literally hundreds if not a thousand-some friends. It hurts to see him hurt. He says he's fine but its tough seeing him change and request my help to get up out of a chair.

We don't know daily what is going to happen. He's done chemo treatments but right now its not leaving him so blood transfusions is what is regular right now to keep his energy up and body stable with his medications.

Its just come to a turning point. So, he could get a treatment that turns things around or get a miracle where everything just falls into place and alls well, or he could have a few months left. We don't know.  My mom is just as all over the place about this too, so that adds stress and heartache on me to see her sad too.

And all this is happening when I'm getting the vaccine and looking  forward to going out with friends when now I can't think of anyone but him and with him living with me and my mother currently, I can't in good conscience think of visit friends for a road trip even or a hangout when I don't know how my brother will look even a week from now. He survived an attempted robbery and shooting in his 20s and he has 5 children, I can't see him going now.

So I'm not writing publicly until something changes, whatever happens. I'm not endlessly sad, so on other socials or even here ill still engage and laugh and silly shit but if anyone is wondering about a story update, who knows. I may write privately if it makes me feel good. But posting here makes me anxious and will overload my brain more. But find enjoyment in what I have already posted and just pray for me and my family when yall can. Whatever God yall got, send them my way.

-Shaka

[carryonmywaywardcaptain]

Six Feet Apart

CarryOnCap’s Masterlist

Summary: Dean is fed up with a lot of things about the Coronavirus and safety guidelines, but he’s got a compelling reason to follow them. Sometimes it’s funny what a little faith can do.

Warnings: Obviously everything surrounding the ‘Rona, mentions of terminal illness, some angst, some feels but a positive ending

A/N: @rileynicole1967​ requested a Dean x reader fic based on “Six Feet Apart” by Alec Benjamin. This is definitely not what you asked for because it took a weird turn, BUT it was very therapeutic for me to write and I still managed to give it the ending you asked for. So I appreciate the request more than you know :) 

[IF you happen to be curious about the inspiration behind this:   I’ve been in a rough place for quite some time-- hence my Tumblr absence. Not that the self-disclosure is really needed, but my grandma is in really bad shape with her cancer and I’ve been trying to make things work with a guy who very well could have been “The One” under non-’Rona circumstances. I’ve been caught in a terrible, anxiety-inducing middle between obviously wanting to date and spend time with a guy who is out in the world everyday, but only being able to do so much without risking my grandma’s health. Aaand kind of mine too. Stupid faulty meatsuit haha. Anyway. Life has been so stinking heavy but this helped a little.]

Keys. 

Mask. 

Wallet. 

Phone.

It was routine now. Dean had gone through the process so many times that his body practically went on autopilot as he grabbed the items on his way out of the motel room he’d checked into late last night.

There were days he thought the guidelines were frustrating, inconvenient, and even a little pointless. He knew he’d probably get the virus at some point anyway and he’d made peace with that. Maybe he’d be able to fight it off just fine, maybe he wouldn’t. But the chances of that happening were like anything else in life. Even if the world had managed to come to an eerie halt, that didn’t mean it applied to people like him and Sam who still had work to do. 

Although he knew he had everything he needed, he checked his pockets again just to be sure. If it were up to him, truthfully he wouldn’t even bother with the mask or the “social distancing” crap. 

But it wasn’t just about him anymore. And he couldn’t afford to take any chances.

Oh, I miss you most at six feet apart when you’re

Right outside my window, but can’t ride inside my car

And it hurts to know just how lovely you are

And be too far away to hold, but close enough to break my heart

I miss your smile

Feels like miles

Six feet apart

Dean pulled into a worn concrete driveway in front of a modest white house. The front porch, which he’d become quite familiar with lately, contained two cast iron chairs and a matching table. He’d never been inside, couldn’t risk the possibility of bringing the virus into her home if he’d unknowingly come into contact with it. While he was constantly on the road chasing cases, she only left the house for treatments, appointments, and intermittent trips to the porch when he could make it back to visit.

He sighed heavily, putting the car in park before turning to glare at the offending bit of fabric on the leather seat beside him. He hated wearing that stupid mask. Hated the way the material trapped each breath, circulating the warm air right back to his face. He hated how stuffy and suffocating it felt. Sometimes it even made him feel a little claustrophobic.

But she’d sewn it herself and given it to him so he could stop using t-shirts, bandanas, and any other piece of clothing he could find in his trunk as a makeshift mask each time he came to see her. Sometimes he struggled to keep in mind what a thoughtful gesture it had been. That having to wear it might be annoying, but it really wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. And if a stupid piece of fabric had even a small chance of keeping them safe, then he could deal with it for a few hours, couldn’t he? 

A few hours, he thought sourly. Nowadays they were lucky if they could even get that much time together. But he’d take what he could get.

Reluctantly, he grabbed the mask and looped the elastic bands around each ear. After fussing with the edges, trying in vain to make it fit comfortably, he let his head fall back against the seat in frustration. As he examined the space above him, sinking deeper into his ruminating thoughts, he began to wonder how much longer he could keep this up and if all of this was really worth it.

So far, so far, but so close

Like a star out in the cosmos

Can’t touch the beauty I see

That’s how it feels at six feet

It had been a while since the last time he’d been able to visit her. When the front door opened and two women emerged, he climbed out of the car and walked straight to his usual spot on the overgrown lawn. As he got closer and appraised her condition, he tried to conceal his reaction.

She looked rough. Despite the fuzzy robe she wore, he could tell how feeble her figure was beneath. Her movements were slow and deliberate, making him suspect she may have fallen again recently. He clenched his jaw, recalling how she’d been too weak to pick herself up last time and had remained on the floor until someone came to check on her the next morning. 

With help from the other woman, who he assumed was a new caretaker, she settled into the cushions on one of the chairs. Her chest heaved and her eyes fell closed as she took a moment to recover from the exertion of her short walk. When her eyes finally fluttered open, they were a stark contrast against her sallow skin.  

“Long time, no see,” she teased, her voice a hoarse whisper.

Dean nodded. “How’re you feeling today?”

“Can’t complain.”

In a way, he knew she was lying. He had a feeling she was having a rough day, but she was never one to complain. He had quickly learned that no matter what was going on in her life, she was the kind of person who worried about everyone else and put their well-being before her own. He wondered what kind of update the doctor had given her this time, but he was too afraid to ask.

“It’s so good to see you.”

Her gentle admission shook him from his thoughts. The edges of her eyes crinkled and he could just imagine the smile she wore beneath her mask. 

Space and time are interwoven

Well, at least that’s what we’re told

When I was young, I was suspicious, but it’s true

Time sticks like glue

I feel so blue

Here missing you

So I think I’ll build a time machine and go back to a time

When we didn’t need to measure six feet on the ground

When I came around

That’s not allowed

I can’t go back now

He’d never really been the relationship type. He hadn’t been looking for anything when their paths had first crossed, but there was something about her that had captured his interest. The more they’d gotten to know one another, the more he learned just how much they had in common. 

It had made him feel uneasy at first-- how easy she was for him to talk to. She rarely pressed him on anything and she had a way of making him feel comfortable even with the hardest conversations. They’d shared their life stories; their favorite memories, biggest letdowns, family dramas, and everything in between. After all of the monsters they’d each faced in their lives...this one was the deadliest and ugliest he’d ever had to face. And of all the people in the world who didn’t deserve to go through something like this, she topped the list.

Okay, sure, no one really deserved a death sentence. But didn’t it always make it worse that bad things always seemed to happen to good people? 

Dean had beaten leviathans and reapers. He’d taken out loads of vampires, ghouls, and ghosts. He’d ganked more angel and demon douchebags than he could count. But when he had asked her to let him help-- when he’d mentioned what Cas could do or offered to work with Sam to find a spell that might heal her-- she politely declined. She had simply thanked him and explained that it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else fighting for their lives like she was. That her life was in no way more important than anyone else’s. She’d told Dean sometimes these things just happen and have a little faith, you never know.

Dean had of course tried to argue, but he couldn’t quite put into words just how special she was. That she didn’t deserve this and he’d give anything to change their circumstances. At one point he’d even considered tracking down a crossroads demon and making a deal to switch places with her, but he knew she wouldn’t have wanted that. 

No matter how many times he tried to bring it up or how much he wished he could fight this one for her, there was nothing he could do to fight the monster slowly killing her from the inside out.

So, I miss you most at six feet apart when you’re

Right outside my window, but can’t ride inside my car

And it hurts to know just how lovely you are

And be too far away to hold, but close enough to break my heart

I miss your smile

Feels like miles

Six feet apart

It seemed like there was never enough time. They’d talked all afternoon and neither one of them were ready to say goodbye but, when she suddenly shivered, he knew it was time for him to leave. It wasn’t cold outside by any means, but it took a lot more to keep her warm these days.

He couldn’t help but linger a little longer, admiring her from where he still sat in the grass. Sometimes just being in her presence helped ease a little of the hopelessness he always seemed to grapple with. It was starting to take a toll on him-- not knowing if things would ever get better or if the world would ever return to some sense of normalcy.

What he wanted more than anything was to walk right up on the porch and wrap his arms around her. It didn’t make sense how much he ached to just be near her. He’d never admit it out loud, but it was almost physically painful how much he wanted to reach out and touch her-- to hug her, kiss her, or even see her smile without their stupid masks.

But she was barely holding on and he knew her body was fighting every moment of the day just to keep her alive. 

He hated wearing his mask. He hated how he could be so close to her and still feel so far away. He hated not being able to hold her and he hated that there didn’t seem to be an end or a solution in sight for the state of the world at the moment. He hated that she was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. And he especially hated the fact that the universe had to have a pretty damn cruel sense of humor to let him meet someone like her in a time like this. Even though he was fed up with feeling like he was stuck in another one of Gabriel’s twisted, incessant pranks...the thought of walking away and not having her in his life at all was far worse. 

So he took it one day at a time. He knew there was a chance he might get the virus at some point and usually he was ready to accept whatever cards fate dealt him. Maybe he’d be able to fight it off, maybe he wouldn’t. But she wouldn’t be able to. And he knew if he slipped up, if he somehow managed to pass it along, that that would be the end for her.

He hated a lot of things lately and he wasn’t sure if they’d ever really go away. But there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that every single inconvenience and moment of frustration was worth it for him to be able to spend time with her-- even six feet apart.

***

Dean was staring up at the ceiling, unable to fall back asleep. The nightmares didn’t come as often anymore but, when they did...well, they were no walk in the park. He let out a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed the images of her sunken face from his mind.

The movement had jostled her, and he hugged her closer when she began to stir. He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head and she hummed softly as she nestled further into his chest.

When they were in the thick of it, it had been so hard to see a way out. To believe they’d be okay or ever have a shot at actually being together. To believe there would be an end to the virus or that there was any chance she could get better. 

Sometimes those dark days, when all hope seemed lost, felt like nothing more than a distant nightmare. But Dean refused to let himself forget. Maybe it was morbid, but every moment with her felt a little bit sweeter when he reminded himself of how grim those days had been and of everything they’d had to overcome. When he remembered everything she’d had to endure.

It was honestly a miracle that he was lucky enough to hold her in his arms like this. Everyone had asked him on numerous occasions if he’d done something, but even he didn’t have an explanation. He really didn’t care whether it was faith or something supernatural or even just one of life’s unexplained mysteries-- all that mattered was that she was healthy and alive. 

So he kept the memories of those days close and promised himself he’d never take the time he had with her for granted. They had made it through one of the darkest times in either of their lives and he had no doubt they’d face more in the future. But, with her by his side, he had faith they’d find a way to make it through those days too.

So far, so far, but so close

Like a star out in the cosmos

Can’t touch the beauty I see

That’s how it all feels to me

So far, so far, but so close

Like a star out in the cosmos

Can’t touch the beauty I see

That’s how it feels at six feet

CarryOnCap Crew (Forevers):

@abswritesfandoms​  @amanda-teaches​  @cosicas-cuquis​  @crist1216​  @droidyouseek​  @emoryhemsworth​  @ericaprice2008​  @flawless-disaster​  @janeyboo​  @jenn0755​  @ksgeekgirl​  @maresmiley​  @memyselfandmaddox​  @notyourtypicalrose​  @randomparanoid​  @rynabarnesrogers​  @sandlee44​  @scarletsoldierrr​  @shann-the-artist-moon​  @sheerioasteroidpanda​  @shynara51​  @someday-when-you-leave-me​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​  @torntaltos​  @waywardbaby​  @waywardrose13​  @weebid​  @whimsicalrobots​  @wintersoldierbaby​  @wintersoldierissucharide  @yesfanficsaremylife​

Cap’s SPN Crew:

@adoptdontshoppets​  @akshi8278​  @alexwinchester23​  @deangirl7695​  @dean-winchesters-bacon​  @fandomoniumflurry​  @pisces-cutie​  @supernaturalenchanted​  @superromijn​  @waywardnerd67​  @x-waywardaf-x​

[sunnymenagerie]

RuPaul's Drag Race: Where Was Pink Slip?

Tina was right...there….and RuPaul really went and sent home a queen that was on the rise and not the one that’s been in quicksand from day one?

The remaining eight queens reached the makeover challenge and because of Miss Rona, could not makeover anyone from the outside world, so they were paired off by a psychic - yeah - and told to makeover one another in their drag style. First though, what the fuck was up with the psychic, and did anyone else feel like RuPaul wasn’t in the room with them? He looked like he was in front of a green screen the entire time and the psychic? Random.

She went from talking about Tina’s never-there-father to Utica’s dead cow. Again, random. Like, can we not act shocked that this lady knew things that they probably said online or in their audition videos? Anyways...Dollar Tree Miss Cleo paired the girls off in teams of two based on who could learn the most from one another. Unfortunately for the uptight Rose that meant getting down with the red, yellow, and orange-hued loosey-goosey Tina Burner. I went into this worried for Rose because they were going to be judged as a pair this week and well, that first look Tina put Rose in was a hot fucking mess. However, what she walked down the runway in was somehow worse!

Speaking of worried, from the preview last week I knew Symone and Utica were going to be quite the pair, and with one of them just having visited the bottom two...I didn’t know if that was going to deflate the small-town queen or ignite her. Right after we watched her rock an afro made of squirrels as if not to appropriate a white man with an afro, we watched her become very wary of stepping into the fierce heels of Symone because like all of Symone’s runways, her makeover one was unapologetically Black. Inspired by the Halle Berry cult classic ‘BAPS,’ Utica was either going to fucking serve or wind up lip-syncing for the second time in a row, and we all know it would’ve been her last. However, it wasn’t just on Utica’s fear of being canceled, because Utica’s look and runway walk is just as hard to imitate, especially for a fashion queen like her partner. Thankfully this pairing fucking worked, which is something I can’t say for Olivia and Denali.

Three of the pairs were pretty evenly matched in terms of size, especially Olivia and Denali, so I thought...these girls have it the easiest. Plus, they’re gorgeous and seem easy to paint. I guess when you assume it’s too easy, it’s actually well - let’s just say that one’s makeup was questionable, and the other was lacking a tiny purse. Unlike Denali and Olivia, Gottmik and Kandy Muse faced the hardest challenge based on their size difference. Nothing in Gottmik’s bags was going to fit her season 13 sister and they knew they were going to have to create something on the fly, and take another garment in. They were safe, but honestly - I didn’t live for Kandy’s look which...

In terms of the challenge, the judges weren’t wrong to declare Symone and Utica the winners of this week’s challenge. They embraced one another’s not only aesthetic but actually learned what they were supposed to from it. Plus, neither of them let their sister walk out there looking like a fool. Symone was engulfed in the oddities that make Utica standout, while Symone’s aura oozed out of Utica with every confident step she took. The judges had been waiting for weeks for Utica to serve fashion and tonight she did. Who didn’t fare well, most of the other girls. I will say that Rose did as best she could with what she had given Tina was her partner. This was the second time in 10 weeks that Tina’s looked okay. Rose...oh Rose, here’s where we have a case of someone letting their sister look horrendous.

Look, there were several weeks during this season where Tina Burner wore only three prominent colors for her brand. So when it came time to dress Rose like her, where the hell were the reds, yellows, and oranges? She went out looking like the blacklisted queen from season 12. It didn’t feel like Tina at all, and I feel like Tina should’ve been in the bottom two alongside Olivia since Miss Lux didn’t really put herself into Denali’s look. Which, Denali looked good - better than Olivia in my opinion, but…ya know. As for Gottmik and Kandy, I thought Gottmik looked great but I expected her to give us more of a New York City, Bronx look instead of a Harley Davidson Model. Then there’s Kandy, the makeup was good but I thought we’d see the actual Gottmik face. I was left underwhelmed with those two but agreed that they’d be rightfully safe as they were just...

Ugh, judging in pairs was such a mistake because, in the end, the wrong girl went home. Olivia and Tina should have been trying to save their ass with Mary Mary, but alas...Denali was in the bottom and despite two strong ass back-to-back top three placements - Ru sent her skating. I didn’t think Denali was going to make the top four, but I didn’t see her leaving before her makeover partner or Tina.

Next week is another acting challenge. The one where they have to sell an item, and while Utica just won a challenge, we all know she’s not the best in these situations. Even though she has all that improv to her name. Next week could either be the week she or Tina finally shines on their own, or we could be seeing them in the bottom.

Makeover Looks Ranked:

Utica: Once she got out of her head, she finally brought her runway to new heights

Symone: For as weird as it was, that headpiece was so Coachella, acid trip beautiful

Gottmik: It was a nice fit, I just wasn’t a fan of the print

Denali: She looked great but it just wasn’t Olivia Lux

Tina Burner: Rose should dress her more often

Olivia Lux: She looked like a used loofa

Rose: The face was a mess and the outfit was tragic

Kandy Muse:

Week 10 Rankings & Reasonings:

Symone - With another win under her belt, we’re heading into an acting challenge. There is no way she is going anywhere anytime soon - unless they surprise them with a sewing AND singing challenge!

Gottmik - Safe this week, but she still killed her runway and like Symone, knows how to deliver in an acting challenge

Rose - Rose being near the bottom this week was not her fault. She made over Tina the best she could, and with the acting challenge being a solo game - she has a chance to outshine her competitors

Olivia - Yes, most of the girls said her name when asked who should go home but as someone who bounces back and forth on the spectrum between bottom and top, I don’t think she’s close to leaving us quite yet

Kandy Muse - Her personality will lead her to another week on the show

Utica - One win to her name doesn't mean anything, especially when she’s gotta act next? We’ve all seen her bomb before in challenges like this so it’s going to be interesting to see if she actually grasps the concept of Drag Race humor

Tina Burner -

[impishcupid]

i’ve been dirt poor my whole ass life, sometimes we didn’t have much in the cupboard. I also had two friends and only one went to my school, she was my cousin and our friendship was built on using me as a punching bag and a mule. It was on and off. I was pretty depressed the whole time, since i was a little kid. These are all connected to the store.

We went took a school field trip to a VERY popular football teams stadium in my state and we both went. She hung out with me for maybe 5 minutes and then ditched me for her little group of mean girls who thought they where the baddest bitches. i don’t like football, i went to hang out with her.

Lunch time came and all the kids lined up and got their stadium food, the same kind they served the players (they charged students so they made it good). Me and my bagged lunch found a table early and hoped that the tables would fill up and someone would talk to me. Wish i was being dramatic but that’s kinda what was running through my head. just the less triggering version.

the line died out and everyone had settled, and when i saw people sitting along the wall because tables ran out, and i looked to my own empty table, it was such a mix of guilt and hatred of myself i still can’t decide which was worse. I was spiraling bad at that little table. I put my head down and ignored my lunch, when a clack came to the table.

I poked my head up and there was this super popular girl i didn’t talk too much, but she was in my class and i saw her in the lunch room and such. I can’t remember what she said exactly, but she told me she always sees me walking alone and sitting alone, and (since it wasn’t a secret to both of us) she told me she knew what people say about me and how weird i was, being a young autistic kid with little money and not watching the shows they where or playing the games they could.

she asked me my name, gave me hers. We sat there and chatted for a moment when her friends called to her and told her to come back, because they had noticed her missing. My heart hurt at that moment, because i thought my fleeting moment of hope was being brought to the reality and watching a life i so desperately wanted to live slip away. But, this kind kind girl, waved them all over. Started calling out it was the cool kids table (very popular comment in my age group, ifykyk)

and quickly my empty table had kids sitting on the backs of booths, i was squished into the stranger next to me. But they talked to me like i was an old friend they where catching up with, they seamlessly stitched me in. And for those 45 minutes i was on top of the world. i felt like i was in a dream, and i knew what it was like to be wanted and loved and enjoyed.

when we had to leave lunch they all had to go with their respective classes and i was alone again, but the alone felt warm and yellow. I was alone after seeing people, after being social and friendly. after being treated as normal and equal, something i desperately wanted.

i’m not making the story up and there’s no happy ending where we all became best of friends and i was a popular kid forever, i was actually alone again for most of my school years after that until like 3mo before covid (fucking thanks rona). and honestly i had forgotten this memory.

until i was bitching and ranting and raving to my boyfriend about how i hate my job and how it affects my life, and how my life is basically sucked into the corporation and i don’t do anything besides come home wait until i need to work again and i’m still unable to pay the bus fare to get to work, going off about all my stress and anger and betrayed feelings from all sorts of shit recently, that this memory resurfaced and like. damn. fucking damn.

those kids knew talking to me would immediately bring their social lives to chaos and mockery, they knew i wasn’t anyone’s anyone. i just hung around the entitled bitches as their mule whenever they decided i wasn’t hated by them for that day.

But they said fuck that and that one girl started it all. I wish i could find her and thank her. She literally gained nothing and risked being seen as one of the cool kids (which to me is very noble, i wish i could be a cool kid) because she saw some sad kid crying at a lunch table. She called her friends over and they just came over like it was nothing.

School is a terrible place with some terrible people who do terrible things to you, but i hope those kids are making six figures already and found the love of their lives (romo or platonic).

Even if i’m just reading too much into this it had given me a huge boost in my mental health and made school a little better for a little while. Enough to keep me going when my depression was at an all time low.

and i don’t care if this is believed or not because no one will see it, no one looks at this page. This is for when i’m depressed next and scrolling through my own feed. I want to remember this and never forget it again. They really, at like 13 or 14, reached out to someone who was clearly not okay and never made a deal of it. they never really told anyone about it, but people would ask me if it was true (eyewitness u kno). it was a bizarre and pure act of blind kindness and i just. fuck man it’s got me emotional

[mrcurrygoestospain]

Camino De Santiago - Round 5

Spain travel log, 2021…

Day One:

September 20 - Depart Seattle for Madrid, by way of London. There were plenty of issues just getting to this point. In addition to the ongoing concerns over COVID-19, or perhaps because of them, I had some serious concerns about whether I could and whether I should do this trip at all. In the end, I think I simply realized that it was totally appropriate for me to go on this trip: I’ve been “responsible” and taken the full round of vaccinations, generally avoided social contacts with people and been diligent about the masks. So I made my reservations and thought everything was fine. About 2 weeks before takeoff, I got an email from Iberia that one of my flights had been changed. When I looked into it, I found that it was the connecting flight from London to Madrid and the schedule had been bumped up by about 6 hours taking me from having a 2 hour layover in Heathrow to needing to be on a plane for Madrid 4 hours before I actually landed in London and would be able to board it… It took attempts at phone calls over several days to get this corrected. Finally, I tried while I was at top work one morning around 5:00 am. I finally got through and a nice lady helped rebook my connecting flight. She found the only available flight on that day that would work; now I have a seven hour layover.

I prepped for my trip, checklists and routes planned. I arrived at the airport 3 hours early, just in case. Although I booked with Iberia, it was a British flight. So standing in line at the BA counter in SeaTac, I saw the sign: “All passengers must show proof of a negative COVID test.” What? I’d already checked multiple times; I only need proof of vaccination to get into Spain. I check the internet. Sure enough, if you’re on a layover in England, you need a negative test…A quick Google search helped me find a testing center at SeaTac airport, so I rushed down to baggage claim number nine to see if I could get a test in time. In all honesty, I really thought I wasn’t going to make it and I’d have to try to contact the airline again to find a way to reschedule my flight. I stood in the line for what seemed like forever, but finally had the privilege of paying $250 for a rapid COVID test. T- minus 2 hours 30 minutes to departure and they promised results in 1-1.5 hours. The test itself was relatively painless. After all of the horror stories I’d heard about the nasal swabs, I was a bit worried. But it didn’t hurt, it just tickled a little bit. I waited, and waited…it seemed like they would never have my results. While I waited, I heard stories from other travelers who had missed flights or rebooking because of these ridiculous COVID-related requirements. One young Canadian lady I spoke to shared that she’d spent over $1000 on COVID tests in the last month due to traveling. I guess my $250 wasn’t so much.

I finally got my negative test results and rushed back to the check in counter, filled out the required government forms and headed through security. The flight was delayed.

After a nine hour flight to London, I had seven or eight hours to kill in Heathrow Airport, Terminal 5, before boarding my flight to Madrid. I shopped, I ate, I listened to podcasts. I took a few naps and generally cursed British Airways for changing my original flight. Some Italian guy made quite a scene at the boarding gate for the flight to Madrid. The gate agent handled it quite well and passive-aggressively punished him for his demeanor.

I arrived in Madrid after an easy flight on Iberia, made my way to the metro and on to my Hostel. It was a nice enough place. After 28 hours of travel, I was ready for a shower and bed.

Day 2:

On my one day in Madrid, I walked from my hostel/hotel to the Museo Nacional del Prado. It’s Spain’s greatest art museum. This was my second time there and I spent a lot more of it. There are so many amazing pieces and, for someone who used to truly despise art, it was amazing. I highly recommend it. I haven’t been to a whole lot of art museums, but it is, by far, my favorite. I followed that with a walk through the Royal Botanical Gardens. I’m sure they’re great when all of the flowers are blooming, but in early fall, it’s just a lot of green. Either way, it was still peaceful. I visited another nearby park, walked around and viewed the statues, and then made my way back towards the hotel and passed it to go to the Cathedral opposite the royal palace. It’s a much more modern cathedral than the ones I’ll see on the Camino, but still impressive.

Day 3:

On the morning of the third day, I got up early and got packed. Took the metro to the train station and purchased a ticket to Leon. After two hours on the train, I took a 20 minute walk to the hotel and dropped off my bag, and then spent the next few hours wandering the city. I found a barber and got a haircut for 9 Euro, quite a bargain. Stopped at the “Taste of America” shop to get a bottle of hot sauce (Cholula, of course), and just meandered around the city until I could get checked in at the hotel. It was a pretty uneventful day, which is just what I needed. I was still very tired from all of the traveling and trying to swap schedules.

Day 4:

I got up late, around 8:00 AM and started walking the city. I stopped for a cafe con leche and met a Scottish couple who had been walking the Camino for the last few weeks. While we waited out the rain under cover, the shared with me some of their other walking adventures, including tales of walking through the Swiss Alps on the Via Francigena, a pilgrimage route to Rome. I may have to look into that for a future trip. I also shared with them my plans/considerations of taking a walk on the “Great Glen Way” in Scotland. The wife had already done this and highly recommended it, along with the West Highland Way. Both are approximately 5-day walks through some of the wild country of Scotland. When the rain let up, we parted ways and I went to tour the Cathedral, toured the Basilica of Saint Isidore and wandered around town, shopping and eating. Inside the Saint Isidore museum and basilica, i had the opportunity to see what is referred to as the “Sistine Chapel of Romanesque Art” as well as a gold and silver cup that some historians claim is the “holy grail.”

Day 5:

Didn’t sleep much…I forgot how much they like to party in Spain. It was LOUD all night long. Anyway, started my walk. Today was about 27 km and it rained through about 50% of the day. It was a mix of roads and dirt tracks. I only saw one other pilgrim, a Spaniard who doesn’t speak any English. I got ahead of him and had stopped for a rest at a picnics table on top of a mountain. He showed up a few minutes behind me and I tried to chat for a minute, but the language barrier…. I offered him half of my tangerine and then he took off again. I passed him up later. I had been slightly worried about where to stay for the night as the municipal albergue in this province/state are currently closed due to the ‘Rona, but when I got to town I found a pension with rooms available. The lovely lady named Susana showed me to a room and also worked tirelessly to make me a reservation for the following night. I hadn’t eaten much for the day, so I ordered big: hot dog and patatas oil bravas. Patatas bravas is a traditional dish in Spain which is made of fried potatoe cubes that are covered in a (typically) spicy tomato sauce. Potatoes Ali Oli are the same fried potatoes but with a garlic cream sauce instead of the spicy sauce. This one combined both sauces. It was nice. The inside of the restaurant/bar/cafe was very loud with a bunch of men playing a card game I’m not familiar with, so I went outside to have a beer. An older Spaniard, named Hilario, came out and started trying to talk to me. I explained that I am American and I don’t speak much Spanish, but he disagreed. So he went inside and got another man, a Hungarian who had been in Spain for the last 25 years, named Fernanco(?) who was extremely drunk, to come out and talk to me. He was so drunk, he introduced himself as “muy borracho” or “very drunk” and the proceeded to tell me that he used to be a muy Thai fighter and a coal miner and now he was just a fat drunk who collected money from the government because he got hit in the head too many times. At least I THINK that’s what they were saying…. I went to bed early to get a good rest and let my aching feet and hips recover before a long day tomorrow….from La Robla to Poladura, should be about 25km or so with some very intense climbs. We’ll see.

I’m currently on the Camino San Salvador, which is a route from Leon to Oviedo. They say “whoever goes to Santiago without visiting Oviedo, goes to the servant but not to the Lord.” This is because Oviedo is famous for having a specific relic. While most people are aware of the Shroud of Turin, which is the burial cloth of Jesus, many don’t know (including me, until recently) that traditional Jewish burial included placing a cloth over the face of the deceased immediately after death and until the body was prepared for burial. This cloth would then be removed and the full-body cloth would be applied. So anyway, this Cathedral boasts possession of the face covering that was placed over Jesus’ head, likely immediately after the spear pearled his side and before he was brought down off of the cross. Once I complete the Camino San Salvador (about 5 days, I hope), I will continue on to the Camino Primitivo, one of the many Camino’s de Santiago. So the Camino San Salvador goes to the relics of Christ and the Camino Santiago (Santiago = Saint James) goes to the resting place and remains of Saint James (the major), also known as “Santiago Matamoros” or “Saint James the Moor Slayer”, the patron saint of Spain.

[fandomoblivion]

Ella Enchanted (part three)

Fandom: Stranger Things season 3

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: (Y/N), also known as Nine, was a girl being experimented on all her life by the Hawkins Lab, conditioned into following every command her brain heard. She managed to escape the lab, with the help of her little sister Eleven, and was taken in by Hopper. Now, it’s a year later, and the three of them are a happy family. She just got her first job, where she works alongside Steve “The Hair” Harrington… who her father doesn’t much like.

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 1,088

Notes: ask and you shall recieve the next part! i know there’s not much here, and there’s not much steve in this part, but their section of episode 3 was very short. i promise you there will be more to come thanks to Miss Rona though :)

prologue / one / two

The next day, as you were walking on the first floor of the mall on your way to your shift, you spotted a familiar face hiding behind binoculars in the bushes. It seemed as though they had spotted you too, so you awkwardly waved.

Steve didn’t respond, but Dustin grinned and yelled, “(Y/N)! Get over here!” 

You felt your brain go fuzzy as your feet dragged themselves over to where the boys were. Steve was yelling at Dustin in hushed tones about getting “caught being spies,” but you tried to ignore the dumbassery.

“Hi.” You said quietly. You still weren’t comfortable talking normally around anyone except Hopper. Even sometimes with El, you had problems getting out full sentences. She understood, though. Quite often you two could have full conversations, only speaking one word each back and forth. 

“I can’t believe she’s with him.” Steve grumbled, clearly looking at someone through the binoculars, ignoring you completely.

“Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?!” Dustin said, grabbing the binoculars.

Steve choked around the neck strap for a second, saying, “Stop, hey. Stop.”

“Give me those!” Dustin said, taking the strap off Steve.

You stood awkwardly, rocking back and forth on your heels. You felt uncomfortable standing there, being a part of this conversation. You felt even more uncomfortable when Dustin said, “I don’t get why you’re even looking at girls anyway. You have the perfect one right in front of you.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “If you’re talking about Robin, I-”

“Robin?! No! (Y/N).” Steve looked at you and met your eyes. You felt the blood drain from your face. 

“She’s an experiment, Henderson. She’s not a girl.”

Ow.

You felt like you had been slapped. Here, in the middle of the mall, Steve just said the words that had been haunting you, keeping you from acting like a normal teenager this whole time.

“Steve!” Dustin said. “(Y/N), he didn’t-”

“You’re right.” You huffed, walking away as swiftly as you had walked there. You were glad they didn’t tell you to stay, or come back, or… 

You were upset. So, you rushed up the escalator to Robin to start your shift. “Hey, Translator.” She joked, handing Lucas’s little sister a taste of some flavor she didn’t need to taste. Robin looked up at you, used to you not saying hi back. She furrowed her brow when she saw your glossy eyes. “Shit, what happened?” She asked, closing the ice cream case.

Erica started to protest, but Robin just shut her up with a quick “I’m going on my break, twerp.” And she grabbed your arm, pulling you into the back room.

“What happened?” She repeated. You avoided her gaze, but she ducked and dodged her head around to meet your eyes. “(Y/N).”

“Steve said something.”

“What did he say? Tell me.”

Oh fuck. 

Your brain went numb as you repeated Steve’s words: “She’s an experiment, Henderson. She’s not a girl.” Robin didn’t know about Eleven, or about Hawkins Lab, or about your past at all. She didn’t know what Steve’s words meant. And yet…

“Dick. He called you an experiment? I mean, sure you’re weird, but like in a cool way.” You let out a breathy laugh. “Seriously. That’s a messed up thing to say, and it’s so not true. Got it?” You nodded. “Cool. So I’ve been trying to translate this bit of Russian all day, and I cannot for the life of me get it down. Can you do it?”

You nodded. You needed her to tell you straight out to translate it, not ask you to. You thought for a second, then asked, “Um, do what?”

“Translate this.” She said, playing the full tape.

Fuzzy brain. “The week is long. The silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west. A trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly.”

“Tread! That was the word. I was thinkin’ squeeze. That is so not squeeze.”

Suddenly, you heard a knock at the back door. “I got it.” Robin went and opened it, and a delivery guy was standing there. You saw her sign for a package, and then he left. After he left, she ran into the hall and stood, watching him walk away.

“Are you okay?” You asked, walking over. 

“Silver cat.” Robin said, pointing at the delivery guy’s uniform. Sure enough, on the back of his dorky LYNX DELIVERY shirt was a picture of a silver cat.

Robin grabbed your hand and the two of you rushed out of the ice cream parlor, pushing past Steve and Dustin on your way. She pulled you to the center of the mall, up onto the planters.

“A trip to China sounds nice.” She said, repeating it over and over to herself as she looked around.

Then it clicked in your brain. “Imperial Panda.” You said, looking at the Chinese restaurant. 

“If you tread lightly.”

You pointed right above the restaurant. “Kaufman Shoes.”

“When blue and yellow meet in the west.”

 Your head felt like it was spinning. You and Robin looked around and around, until Robin stopped, looking up at the clock. There was a blue hand and a yellow hand. 

“Robin.” You two looked down and saw Steve standing there. “The hell are you doing?”

“(Y/N) cracked it.” Robin said, grinning.

“Cracked what?” Dustin asked.

Robin jumped down, helping you down too. “She cracked the code.”

“Of course she did.” Steve mumbled under his breath. 

“Let’s take a walk, Steve. I’ll explain the code to you in big, slow words so you understand.” Robin said, leaving you with Dustin.

“Is he always mean like that?” You asked the kid.

He groaned. “Sorry about him. I kinda yelled at him for you after what happened earlier. He apologized, and then I was all ‘Uhh, dude! Don’t apologize to me! Apologize to (Y/N)!’ and then he was all ‘Durrr my brain no workey.’” You laughed at the kid’s energy, and the two of you started walking towards the food court. 

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.” There was a pause. “So… the code?”

“Right. Yes.” You tried your best to explain what you and Robin figured out to the kid, stuttering over your words and trying to form full sentences. You did your best, but still not good. He did his best to understand though, repeating everything back to you to see if he was understanding. 

He’s a sweet kid. You realized you’re gonna need him if you intended to work around that Steve Harrington much longer. 

-----

TAGLIST 

@alina-margaret . @almostsecretmusic . @american-duchess . @anamcg317 . @annaewww . @bubblegumcat229 . @bucky-newtlock . @canny1902 .  @christinawxxx . @cosmickha0s . @creativedogs . @darkcrystal-wolf . @decaffeinatedtachycardia . @djisprobablydead . @eliza-kat . @eyeballtoes . @fandomsstolemylife00 . @fredweasleysupportgroup . @ggclarissa . @ginger-swag-rapunzel . @gracelynns . @grippleback-galaxy . @gruffle1 . @hananabee . @hannarudick . @harrys-kiwi . @hayadora . @heavenlyholland . @hellhoundschewtoy . @izabellah816 . @likemeonlyme . @lilyhw1 . @loco-latte . @l0ve-0f-my-life . @mackycat11 . @megsell99 . @metuel18 . @phluffyphantom . @potterhead-witch . @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc . @princessrow12 . @queen1054 . @rainbowmarta . @sheridans-dynamos . @sunshine-and-riverwater . @thecaptainsgingersnap . @thegloryofliterature . @thoughstofaredhead . @ucantknowmeyet . @used-avocado . @whataloadofmalarkey

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Maou-jou 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Idolish7 s2 10 - 15 (FINAL) | SLS 2

I’ve been holding off new seasonals because of other things, but after I post this I’ll have enough time to get around to them. That’s why I can’t guarantee winter 2021 seasonal tags on this post...maybe the next one will have them...

Maou-jou 9

…it seems shopping channels even are the same in the demon world.

Now even the demons have quests! (The frame is different to the princess’s, though.)

Oh! The quest failed.

Neo Alraune: in flower language, “the 2nd coming of happiness”. The worry from a little while ago was, “I’m worried about my brother.” The worry from recently: “I didn’t think about being happy that the princess didn’t kill my brother.”

The penguin demons are pretty cute!

Don’t you know how parents forbid children from sleeping until they finish all their homework? Must be something like that.

Yoku ganbarimashita! – Syalis worked hard!

LOL, mental age: 3. Poseidon likes cute things…I can’t read a lot of this…the hardsubs cover the JPN text.

They…both succeeded! (…LOL?)

Maou-jou 10

Owarinocity = Endopolis. It’s a good equivalent, if I do say so myself.

…oh yeah. What happened to Alraune? Update: There she is!

Also, that blonde guy in the infomercials doesn’t look too bad…*makes chef’s kiss gesture with one hand* Nice.

I wonder, was Twilight once human…?

LOL, there’s a goat symbol on the cleric’s pyjamas. Also “first time”, LOL.

I think they were playing shiritori at one point.

Hanamaru saikou yoku dekimashita!

Maou-jou 11

…How does one “sleep cheerfully”, anyway?

I think I saw Twilight drop something…some kind of paper…

Aw, Twilight blushing is kinda cute!

LOL, 70s shoujo style. Also, “It cannot be!”

Whoa, she cancelled it?!

I read up on this series on TV Tropes…and apparently the Demon King captured the Princess in her sleep.

Kagemusha? Like a ninja or something?

Apparently the Demon Cleric is much older than he looks.

Ooh! Hypnos is back!

A-whatsit really is abysmal levels of stupid!!! (LOL)

Maou-jou 12 (FINAL)

Who’s that one tiny guy occupying one of the Ten Kings’ seats?

*watching after Christmas, about a week after the anime finished* This is not seasonally appropriate!

…*thinks for a second, then spits* That’s the 2nd Nemu in the fall 2020 season!!!

Ooh, the head paladin doesn’t look that bad, either.

“…is it good to be…”

“…has seized the princess!”

“…that demon king is rather cute.” – See? Someone agrees with me.

Anyways, that was a fun series. See you soon!

Idolish7 s2 10

…Back at it after so long…(I can’t help it though – Crunchyroll, per month, is about double the local Funimation sublicensor’s fees, and for much less content that’s worth my money to boot!)

I’ve always thought Momo was like Sasara (HypMic), so seeing him anguished hurts me in the kokoro too…

I know Banri was involved with Re:vale somehow…this must be it.

…Male idols are also popular among men? Is this why there are 8 (!!!) idol anime in winter 2021 alone…? (Also, that’s why HypMic became popular? Multidemographic appeal crossed over with obvious merchandising opportunities?)

It’s kind of scary how Momo stepped the formality towards Yuki like that (to -san).

I guess in his heart Momo still reveres Yuki, some way or another.

The rakugo curtain really sold the moment that they (current Re:vale) were acting like an old married couple.

Yay! Silver Sky is such a cool song! Of course I recognised the intro when it came on.

…I see. The elder Kujo is entrusting his dream to Tenn, so that’s why he banned Aya from seeing Tamaki. However, it’s hard to know what to feel when Aya speaks in the vaguest terms possible.

I think that was a special ending for only this episode. I don’t know what its name is, but I guess I might recognise it on Spotify one day.

Idolish7 s2 11

LOL, Nagi’s reaction.

Considering the ‘rona is getting worse outside our very windows as we speak (type?), I think it’s correct to be concerned about your future right now.

Looking at these narrow streets reminds me of going to eat hotpot at the end of my Japan trip…only Japanese streets look like that, I think. Hong Kong’s streets are more crowded than that and America likes their suburbia.

Of course, when you say hajimemashite (nice to meet you), someone’s gotta say it back, hence the reply.

Considering there are people all over the world watching the Idolish7 anime, I would say you are telling the world about I7, Riku.

Oh! Restart Pointer! There was an MV for that one…I think it was around the time Idolish7’s MVs started getting better.

So this is the context around the new outfits! Cool!

There have been way too many puns about “idol” being…y’know, “ai (love) doll” and stuff like that…

I have one Twitter person who I follow (DejiNyucu, part of the creative team for Autumn’s Journey) because I don’t get much I7 content and they keep mentioning this “Haruki” person…and suddenly a “Haruki the Betrayer” showed up in the graffiti…they might be the same person, I think. Not Deji, but Haruki. Update: Sakura Haruki, perhaps…?

Sougo’s such a bad liar…

Sometimes, the best way to deal with things is to be direct…(I’m not very good at that, I naturally talk in a very roundabout sort of way.)

Sougo with long hair like Yuki would be really pretty… (<- has an obvious thing for guys with long hair)

Idolish7 s2 12

Nagi’s stupid accent is generally what he’s best remembered for (for me), so seeing him speak normally, and do a press conference on top of that, is…impressive.

A kabedon on top of all this! Whoa!

Shibuya 109 parody…? (I’ve seen that once or twice – parodying that means people know their stuff about Shibuya.)

I think the “it’s overflowing!” is referring to the hype in the “room”.

…this dejected Momo is worrying…(well, he is worrying and I am worrying about him.)

Oh, I see. The person responsible typed the letter so that they couldn’t be traced back. Kind of like those old movies where the culprit would cut letters out of newspapers to make threat mail, but…with even less traces than that, because cutting letters out leaves evidence.

…wow, it took a while for this ep. to have an intro…

…LOL, I just spotted Kenjiro Tsuda cited as the “fake Zero”, meaning the real one might never show up this season.

There’s something really stupid and infectious about these managers’ enthusiasm for drinking energy drinks. It puts a goofy smile on my face.

Is Musubi Tsumugi’s mother…? Update: Yes, she is.

…Wait, so the Chiba Shizuo guy is actually important?!

Idolish7 s2 13

Whenever someone says “by the way”, it means they’re changing the subject. I hate to state to obvious, but Sougo is clearly deflecting the topic of conversation from being about him.

I wonder if this guy (Haw9) is the actual Zero graffiti vandal…?

Hmph, I didn’t realise Tenn doesn’t refer to Kujo-san as his father, but…like that (“Kujo-san”) instead.

Oh hey! These are shots from Vibrato!

Most dramas can be solved with the power of Good Communication. That includes this one.

I feel like “he has a dark side” describes both Tenn and Kujo-san.

“Everyone, remember to wash your hands and gargle thoroughly.” – This is always a good thing to remember in the time of ‘rona. Reminds me of Jakurai’s line in ARB (<- this game started just after the ‘rona came down).

What did Sougo go to uni for (what specialisation)?

Idolish7 s2 14

I just realised Banri calls Momo -kun. Hmm…

Denki = electricity, LOL.

I feel like Tenn is basically Ramuda, give or take actual pink hair…guys in musical groups with pre-existing angst that they become the “centre” of. The fact Fling Posse have Saito Soma and so do Trigger strengthens the connection.

I would watch the heck out of a musical like that! Make it come true, Idolish7! (Also, today is I7 day! I’m not much of an I7 fan outside the anime, but…that’s cool!)

That shot of them jumping! I remember seeing it on the official site before!

Idolish7 s2 15 (FINAL)

There you go! I was wondering where Banri’s injury was – that was the only bit that didn’t add up for him to be Yuki’s old partner.

Hmm…Momo is 4 years younger than Yuki but 2 years younger than Banri…

This episode has a real concert vibe to it, to the point where I got startled by how loud the yell was at one point. (Even if it is mostly stills.)

LOL, lookit Okazaki!

Apparently, if you’re a hako oshi, you like all the members of a group. Someone with a green light and a pink light likes both members of Re:vale.

LOL, Usagi for Asahi beer.

…I forgot Nagi is 19.

…Ooh, I think that’s the kid from ZOOL. No wonder they needed a season 3!

That’s all. See you next time!

SLS 2

“fine and upstanding person” – That’s…hard to believe, Hayato.

I wonder how many bois Toboso designed for SLS…?

…The episode title is actually “Blank”. Not “Break”.

One of the guys’ shirts says moteki on it. That’s a period in one’s life where one enjoys more romantic attention than usual, literally “popularity season”.

The subs missed an I, so initially I knew Kiriyama’s name as “Kiryama”.

There are meant to be 2 wings, right…?

“He who controls information controls everything, right?” – For once, I’m surprised Hayato is right (and not just in that smug way of his).

“…I’m being treated like a manager.” – But Hayato is a manager! (In a sense.)

The plait guy jumps to nicknames really fast…also, why do I get the feeling Maeshima will lose the key?

I hate to say this Maeshima, but I side with your childhood friend (Kiriyama) here. As much as the anime wants me to back you, I’m watching for everyone else at this point.

That blocky building looks pretty cool. I think Zel (Archi-Anime) would like it.

Sasugai’s setup looks pretty cool, including his chair.

…hmm, Maeshima’s like me in a sense. I learn best by copying others, but memory is my best asset. If I don’t regularly train the fundamentals, I suck at everything. That said, I don’t have an eidetic memory. Also, I didn’t quite figure out Ken = Ken(sei Maeshima) until I watched long enough to connect the dots.

LOL, Derry’s. (<- reminded of a word for “butt” <- derriere)

Well, the guy’s (Souta…?) shirt does say moteki…

Kiriyama kinda looks like Jyuto (HypMic), come to think of it…Right down to his angry streak (although Jyuto has a reputation to keep as a “cool dude”, while Kiriyama is more of a Manza (Boueibu HK) and he’s more angry than he looks).

…This ED is nothing special.

…Hmm? Is that a small Terauchi and Maeshima…?

I think I’m sold for now, but I’m rooting for the other team, not Maeshima’s…not yet, anyways.

[coconutsugacones]

BUGS BIRTHDAY "STASH"

san and I were cuddling on top of the couch, watching tiktoks and giggling, forgetting what personal space meant and then all of a sudden he He lifts up his white shirt off his body and came straight at my neck, attacking m with harsh hickeys

he took my shirt off and went lower and lower, kissing every inch of my skin. Normally I would have screamed at him to stop but these days my hormones have been acting on me and with all my emotions heightened, I start to enjoy it slightly moaning his name while my hans went up to his face he sliD my panties off and started slURPING up my insides like a slushie. It was when he started to suckk on my lil ball of nerves when the front door opened with an ASTrOmOnIcal Amount of force the door open bUrSt open and two clowns ran in. Two plump looking clowns in striped reD was all I saw for a few seconds in my aroused state. It was then I realised it was my two mates.

“just as it was getting good” i whispered to san as we tried to cover ourselves oP because we realized they we’re tryna film us to make a porno tape??. As Mals was trYnnA gesture at me to keep going, her clown nose detached off and rolled on to to sans ass.

mals tried to pick up her clown nose from sans ass but just ended up making it go further in his holé. "ahhh UhG" San let out a moan that I could only describe as something between an anime girl and a construction worker having a wank on his break.

now all 3 of us were gathered around sans ass, trying to get the clown nose outta his ass, we were working aT iT like a group of engineering students trying to fix a brokEn engine. Then rans had the absolutely thrilling idea of facetiming her bouyften Yuri for help getting it out. While I was trying my best to deter her away from that idea (cause hello that's mY BRO) San that mf spilled all his load on the couch

while ihu was busy trying to clean sans white mess up rans quickly called yuri up, knowing he had plently experiences with getting bALLs outta pacific holes

"yes it only works with strawberry ice-cream" we heard Yuri say. with that rans quicky went towards the fridge to look for the said icY GOodnESs. we were all confused with what yuri said, but at this point we were willing to try anYTHING to shimmy that ball out of there

"Shimmy yeah shimyy yeah shimmy yeah all allalassslll" San Started to sing. It was then rona’ came in with a bUCKet of the sweet stuff™️

She guided San to sit in the bucket and thanked the jeezis for his thin hips and snatched waist. The poor bOi was terrified as to why he was in this situation, calling for HOngJoon hyung even though he's hallways across the continent.

I was doing my best to comfort san, because even though he tried to play it off like it was cOOL*wink* i knew his ass was boutta freeze off

"okay next Yuri said we have to have one hand in the bucket with San" rans said "me MEEee" before I or anyone else could say anythinv, mals dunked her whole hands in.

mals instantly regretted dunking her hand in because it was colder than the mf nITROgen filled icecubes chan shoved up her vaheena the order day. Whilst mals was blowing on her hand as if THat will help we heard some pigeons from the balcony.

my whole face lit up when i realized my m8s were here for the rescue!

All three of us had the same idea and we ushered San in all his naked glory towards the balcony. "Okay San trust us this won't take long"

the pigeons gathered around san in a prayer circle and started chanting in some kinda weird oTher woRLDLY language that none of us had heard before. Slowly but surely the red nose started to slip out of san. This resulted in some ass simulations for the bOi and he stared get hard again, the moans now louder and echoing though the empty street

they all started to cheer clAP in joy, finally the ball was out! but wait what was that-

THE PIGEONS HAD ACCIDENTALLY SUMMONED SATURN 🪐

And there was Saturn! Makinb his way downtown.

san started whIMpering in fear as he didn’t want another ball anywhere nEaR his ass after that traumatizing incident. So we all headed back inside and the pigeon follows us in probably wanting a snack for their hard work. RAns wasnt having any of it and dragged each pigeon one by one by their wings outside and made them drink the now melted ice cream from the bucket.

ihus cancer ass didn’t want her m8s to be drinking anymore of her fiancés gREASE and led them into her bed to sleep, because after all without them san would prolly still have a ball in his ass. The pigeons were all drenched in the pink liquid but they all laid down on my bed like the good slavs they were. as i put the piegeons to resting, i realized we had to do suMN about this wandering satURN 🪐

I went out to sitting room to discuss what we should do about saturn and nealrh choked out sans cum from last night case there was saturn, leaning against the kitchen door just chilling on one leg

“sup ladies” saturn beybe-nim said with a wiNK as he started to hoP towards us

"soo I was thinkinnn" Saturn started with his gay ass voice as he sat down at our table and started helping himslef to sum mashuni and roshi. before saturn could help himself to more of MY food i was coming @ him but then san pushed me aside and started walkin towards sAturn, dick first, at full speed.

"Omg I totally forgot about sans demon kink!" Mals exclaimed taking out her camer and going behind the couch for that "angle" or watever..

san didn’t heard her aNd tRIPPED on the ground, dick in fULL erection and this was when Saturns gay ass Approached him to sing "hey I just met you and this is crazy but hears my number so call me maybe" but san got propelled towards the ceiling from bouncing of top of dick

I had ENOUGH of him flirting with MY mans and went over there and slapped saturn across his smug face.

Saturn immediately burst into tears saying something about how "none of god's niggas can be gay in peace" but the real cAtASrophe was his tears were absolutely boiling hot and dissolving the living room rug

at that moment, san knew EXACTLY what he had to do before the whole place melted into nothing. He laid down in submission, ass up as mouth open for saturn-sunbaenims tears.

saturn immidiAtly stopped cRYING and came over and slAPPED sans ass, at this point we knew we were overpOwERED by saturn and had to let him have his way if we wanted to live.

Even though I would have never been okay with it I decided to let Saturn have a quickie with my mans.this whole thing was unfair and it was supposed to be MY bIrdthay.

My girlies were comforting me and all of a sudden saturn peeled his face off to reveal he was acTUALLY WOOYOUNG all along and said “no homo bro”

"wOOOYOJnG I'm AbOUTTA KILL YOu" I screamed while going after him with ae fruit knife.

then san turned towards me and repeated a quote by the god herself “it’s not cheating if it’s your soulmate”

At This point i had had enough and scrmead at EvErONe to leave so I can go back to my room and chill in the AC with my pink m8s

while i was having some time with the m8s I realized it wasn’t really sans fault, and he only did it to save all of us. Wooyoung was to blame! did he think this was funny to do on my special day?? me and the m8s were discussing a plan to prAnK him bacc. I knew San and all of the clowns were taking refuge in my parents room so I headed there

when i went in i looked around and didn’t see anyone?? was i blind? I could’ve sworn i heard them in there. Then I went to the balcony and saw rans giving wooyoung the actUAl devil a blowjob so I quickly turned around and saw San and mols on top of the ceiling fan.

this made me even more mad! before i could address any of the problems that were going on my m8s quickly flew in to coMMeNse THe plAn. They grabbed onto wooyoung and started flyING him out of the house as fast as they could and I turned to him and said “if you wanna be saturn so bad go live in space”

My m8s unbottomed his shirt and started to fly him out almsot naked. I laughed to myslef cause he'd be having his purple nips out for the public to see. everyone stopped doing what they were doin and came out to thr balcony to see wooyoung being launched into space. But I wasn’t done with them yet! rans was cheating on yuri, san kinda cheated on me but not really? and mols probably invoted wooyOUNg here in yhe forst place.

I called for a group gathering and picked up the melted ice-cream goo with all my might and threw it on towards the traitors.

they finally got what they deserved! or did they? I looked at them and realized they were kinda elEcTRICUTING?? what the actual fuck they weren’t my friends this whole time but ROBOTS.

I gasped and took a step back in disbelief. Were they the AI robots KQ sEan kIm-nim talked about? But how did he actually manage to make and send them here?

i was so relieved but scared at the same time, at least it wasn’t my friends doing all of theese shenanigans but where were my ACTUAL frens.

The robots were now going going haywire in my living room and I was left to my own devices (literally) to clean it up and somehow get rid of them before my parents cake back.I concentrated all my negative energy on them and actually managed to throw them out of the balcony

They landed on the street and dissipated into thin air. I heard a loud elphephantd noise and looked up to see balcony San but now he looks even more like real San!

every thing was such a mess and i knew I couldn’t do it alone so i called him over to help me clean up and maybe sneak out to fiNd my real frens after that

He did a lil salute and ran straight to my house. I was extremely glads that he didn't reject me but honestly thou I did my hair the night before and was feeling like a bOUjee bitch WHo COULD deNy Me AAhA

we quickly cleaned up and went to look for the huMAN m8s

Whilst we were walking his hand slowly slipped into mine and I almost gagged on mylsef.

then I remembered sAN and how dissapeted he would be and sadly broUGHT ma hans back to myself and went aloNG. Balcony San started talking bout how he was a new trainee ata Japanese company-

we wandered along to this dark, kinda scary lookin hALL? all the lights were off and I couldn’t see anything. My clumoy ass slipped in the shiny tiles and balcony chan was too busy talking about CoLOr changing pigeons to notice it

as i helped myself up, balcony san pushed me into this bALL piT and all the lights turned on! then i saw my m8s and as i was gonna run towards them to hUg them i realized they decorated the whole place for ma borthday!!.my HUMAN m8s, rona, mols and sAN that is akakka

There was this huge redvelvet cake and a small lil stage to the side. When the stage lightings cam on I SAW MF Ikon and they started singing their songs but rock version with AcTUAl live drums and guitars. then all of the ateez members also came up from backstage and they all started singing together. San gestured atme to come up

Ateeze and ikom collabed to make me a birthday ballad song and I was fully bawling my eyes out while stuffing the caked in. From the corners of my eyes j saw rans and mals having a swimming battle on the marbled tiles.

i brought them all in for a group hug, even wet ol rans and mols and i thanked them for this amazing gift! this shore was a birthday to remember

[vidadaily]

Vida 3x05 Cast Live Tweets (2 /3)

Ser: They throw around the word queer like nothing Gladys: Eddy is hella old school. Let her live! Lindsey: Homies Annie and Vico back in action! Vico: Yasssss!! Esti: The chorus of Vida queers are both adorable and my worst social distancing nightmare Ser: Hahaha Chelsea: Damn I would love to see Nico in drag! Tanya: Who knows was a "PACKIE" is? Tanya: It’s a fake flaccid penis used in drag or for presentation. Esti: Do the packies make anyone else feel funny? Tanya: Good funny. Esti: Enjoyable Ser: I love the idea behind the making and creating the theme of Drag King performance- Edward James Olmos, Danny Trejo and Danny Trejo Lindsey: Man someone do Desi Arnaz or I’m gonna flip! #babaloooo

Esti: It is an honor to be identified as “the butches” Ser: Fuck yeah! Butch lesbian love right here🏳️‍🌈 Ser: To Wong Foo, foo? Oh hell nah Rocky don’t play their games lol

Chelsea: Karla and Johnny arguing🤦‍♀️ Ser: Ahora, Johnny and Karla están peleándose (Now Johnny and Karla are fighting)

Chelsea: That suegra damn. All the shade and rudeness Ser: Mamitis to the max! Ser: Oh no she didn’t just call Lynn a cualquiera! Lindsey: We all know what a cualquiera means mami. Tanya: Lyn, I wouldn't go toe to toe with Doña Silvia... No vas a ganar. Ser: Basically, Rudy is all just smile and look pretty for the camera 🤮 Chelsea: Okay I am official not on team Rudy

Esti: Tanya, do you think the girls use the bar bathroom on the regular or go upstairs? Tanya: Lyn uses it. Emma just fucks or throws up in there. Esti: Thank you for settling this Tanya: Always.

Ser: Eddy walks in on Monica ... 👀 Ser: Eddy has no clue what Monica is saying lol Clowey que?? Tanya: A little clue... 😉 Ser: Just enough Ser: Binder talk!!! Gladys: Eddy’s still got it! Tanya: That king Monica is coming on STRONG for Eddy and I'm here for it. I loved shooting this and editing it. Eddy's so adorable! Mishel: Monica is a catch! Tanya: But also a tigeraza, as your people say... Mishel: hahahah Tanya: Eddy can't handle a hot girl (in drag) flirting with her. "Girl, you're a catch!" Ser: Eddy runs out of there so fast haha Ser: Eddy, it got hot in here ...🔥 I’m out!!💨

Taylor (Writer): You might see me performing in dude drag in tonight’s VIDA episode. Directed by Tanya and written by the amazing Jenn Gomez. I’m so happy I could cry, bruh Tanya: Did you see it yet? I’m so happy with it! So proud of Jenn so proud of y’all! I love this episode! Taylor: And thank you for giving this awesome space for drag kings jefa!!!! Tanya: I wish we coulda had you all perform at the premiere but... well, la pinche Rona! That would have been such a great goodbye! Chelsea: Aww Nico seems so down :( Tanya: I've loved Renee Goust 's Cumbia Feminazi for a long time and I'm so happy we got a chance to get it in the show! Renee: Por eso hoy les decía que no hagan caso a quien les diga que su mensaje no está chido o les aconseje que cambien su trip. Tarde o temprano nos vamos encontrando unas a otras, morras* Such an honor, Tanya. I💓VIDA soOoO hard. Thank you!

Lindsey: This spit back into the bottle is my favorite part of the episode! Lol! #rockyforever Tanya: Iconic spitback from Adelina Xicana , I agree... Esti: Rocky and eddy have the best chemistry of all time. I friend-ship them. Is that how shipping works? Ser: 😍the best BFF everrrr Tanya: There's our spinoff! Esti: Also should rocky be my new quarantine look? Gladys: Grow that rat tail out!

Chelsea: Damn Monica is not very subtle lmao Mishel: She knows what she wants Tanya: She turned out to be a bit predatory... Kinda pushy. But I like it. Esti: Yo tambien. (Me too) Ser: Eddy is gushing haha Ser: Eddy can sure take a shot right about now Ser: Truly love this queer/lesbian bar talk Ser: Eddy’s blushing! Whatever foo, stooopid. Haha

Ser: So is this Nico moment genuine or...😱 Tanya: Yes. She got freaked out by the rooftop and what happened... Lindsey: Do we think it was rapey between nico and Emma? I thought both were into it but it’s complicated as fuck. Esti: Nico was kinda suspect at that queerce. This soft boi amends is also a little 🤔 Tanya: Yeah, yall don't listen to Esti. Nico's good... yeah, there are some soft boi vibes, but... they're being misinterpreted. She good. #teamNico Esti: [later] Just watched the end. I stand corrected :) Tanya: Nico's really troubled about being distracted by Emma... shiny objects, right? But seriously, being with Emma on the rooftop while she was under the influence is out of character for Nico and that's got her shook... Ser: Two week notice ?! Chelsea: Nooo Nico! You can’t quit! Lindsey: Oh no she quitting! W. T. F. San Miguel Allende!? Write at home Nico! Ser: Nico needs healing Gladys: I want to see where Nico goes after this. So much left to tell. Mishel: So much

[thewhumperinwhite]

FBI AU: Awkward

@whumpitywhumpwhump

Okay, I’m apparently not gonna get any writing done today, and I’m impatient to share my best girl Rona with y’all anyway, so 🤷

TW for: explicitly referenced noncon, Cops, needles and tubes and various other Hospital Things

Continued from: Rescue and Interrogation

Rona Cowl has already interviewed Karim Mun, along with the rest of the Coven members, as the highest ranking member of the task force not currently recovering from a gunshot wound. She’s passed the information on, and formed her own opinions of them, though they don’t have any bearing on the case. She thinks Venita Bones and Selina Mun will probably be fine if they can age down and up respectively in therapy; she thinks Diana Farrow is a sociopath but will probably be a harmless one if given the opportunity; and she thinks Karim Mun is too shattered to form much of an opinion about at the moment. She does think his obvious grief is probably genuine; it’s too embarrassing to fake, really.

She’s been in to see Simon, obviously, but not for long, too busy with paperwork and trying to interview Micah Trent without getting accused of police brutality, and now she regrets that; she’d known he was fucked up by the whole thing, but after three years of working with him on and off she’d assumed he had his shit together enough not to do anything stupid, and apparently she was wrong. Before she gets too annoyed she reminds herself that Heinrich Arthur Lange is essentially the first sexual assault victim he’s dealt with firsthand, or at the very least his first male one, and guys can get weird about that kind of thing. 

Also, it could be worse; he hadn’t hit Karim Mun, and Karim Mun doesn’t seem to be making too big of a fuss over it, against all fucking odds. She knows Simon’s getting his head bitten off by their superiors right now, though she isn’t really sure what to do about it; generally her response would be to buy him a beer or five and not address it explicitly one way or the other, but he’s still on watch after getting punched out by a behemoth and also she very much doesn’t want to be present when and if Farah has anything to say to him.

She hasn’t actually been in to see Heinrich Arthur yet. There doesn’t seem to be much point, considering she never even saw him awake and she doesn’t really believe that people in comas can hear what you say to them. But there’s a part of her that’s always interested to see how much stuff she can see--how thick her protective covering is; if anything can get through it and make her feel sick. So she ducks her head into his hospital room while Simon is busy getting officially reprimanded.

It is, admittedly, pretty bad. Heinrich Arthur isn’t fucked up the worst of any person she’s ever seen, but he is maybe the most fucked up she’s ever seen someone alive. She snags a look at his chart; it’s about what she expected based on what she’s been able to piece together, though most of that is indirect since Tenor Bradshaw is dead and Micah Trent seems to be trying to throw Bradshaw under the bus so desperately that nothing he says is really useful. Not that it’ll do much good; the high profile of the case got the rape kit processed in a reasonable time frame for fucking once and Trent’s DNA was in the kid at least as much as Bradshaw, though having seen the size of him Rona is willing to buy Trent’s insistence that Bradshaw is the one who broke the kid’s hip, possibly out of sheer enthusiasm.

That’s the other fun thing about looking at H. A. Lange, by the way. Most of the really fucked up people Rona’s seen have at least some aspect of random destruction about their condition--fires and explosions and car accidents are really good at rearranging human bones and muscles, to say nothing of skin. Heinrich Lange doesn’t look like that; he’s got nothing in common with a plane crash survivor. You get to look at him and know somebody did all that on purpose. His eye’s swollen shut ‘cause somebody punched it; all the little holes in his arms are from little personalized scalpels Trent gave out to Coven members, she’s discovered. His hip didn’t break because of gravity or g-forces; Tenor Bradshaw fucked it out of its socket. It’s a weird trip to go on. She can see how it would freak Blake out.

Heinrich Arthur Lange turns his head to the side and makes a small noise of distress.

Rona Cowl hasn’t panicked since she was ten years old and she doesn’t panic now, but this is not her area; she grabs the panic button on the table next to him and hits it hard, though they’ve got enough wires hooked up to him that they’ve gotta know already if he’s waking up; they should already be here.

Heinrich Arthur’s unbandaged eyelid flutters, a few flashes of bloodshot green underneath, and she can tell immediately he’s looking right at her; she stops inching toward the door, reluctantly.

Wh-sss m.....rrother?” Heinrich Arthur Lange says around the swollen mess of his lips. He doesn’t look panicked at the moment, just very, very sleepy, and Rona sits jerkily down next to his bed in the interest of keeping it that way.

“Super not your mother,” she says, because she’s not interested in playing that game even for the sake of keeping him from freaking out. “Nurse’s coming. You’re fine.” That is possibly the biggest lie she’s ever told; it seems forgivable under the circumstances.

Heinrich Arthur Lange’s eye snaps open suddenly, and he moves his tube-and-wire-studded arms like he’s trying to sit up. “Where’s Karim?” he says, remarkably clearly considering she’s pretty sure he lost some teeth in the whole weeks-of-torture process.

”Uh,” Rona says, feeling a drop of sweat make its way down her back. “He’s fine too. You probably shouldn’t wiggle around like that.”

“You have to--get him away from Micah,” H.A. Lange says, not listening to her advice. He looks down at his arm, which has more than one tube sticking out of it. “Ugh,” he says, his whole face twisting in disgust, and just like that, his face goes slack and he flops back down onto the pillows.

Rona stares at him, in the midst of panicking machinery. Then she jerks to her feet. “Aren’t there any fucking nurses in this building?” she yells, almost running out into the hospital.

[drarrygirl27]

Thanks for the tag, @unsealingkale !

I nominate @darling-lo

1. what does your name mean / mean to you?

Oh wow! I learned something new about my name. It is a Hindi boy name meaning, Center. I'm used to reading it meaning things like knowledge, wise, understanding, and water baby. This is very interesting!

I used to hate my first name years ago, but honestly I really used to hate myself for many reasons for many years. I now love my first name as much as I love my middle name. My last name is pretty cool. I used to want to change it to my biological last name, but now it ties me to both my grandma (She got remarried when my dad and his brother were in their teen years. The man she remarried, she had 3 of my uncles with, 2 are still alive.) and my dad so I'm going to keep it for a little while longer. My dad has another brother who I keep in contact with with my biological last name. They found each other through Facebook years and years ago.

2. breakfast, lunch or dinner?

Breakfast because breakfast is the bomb! That is my favorite kind of food, day or night. I do eat lunch and dinner too, but breakfast food will always have my heart.

3. what are you proud of?

I am proud of how far I actually have come in my life. There were times where I literally wanted to just let things be even when it was bad for me to do so, but I still eventually found the courage to leave when I knew that in my heart of hearts that I needed to for the good of my overall well being. I have had to do that a good bit of times in my life and despite how some of it hurt me really bad to do so emotionally and sometimes mentally even, I knew that I just had to do it because if I would have stayed in some if not most of those situations, I wouldn't be where I am now.

I don't have the best job in the world right now and things have been really hard especially with this crazy ass situation going on, but I am so much happier in so many ways than I was 3 years ago and years before that even. I have grown a lot in many ways. I have the Army to thank for that at least partly. That place pushed me to my limits in so many ways that I had no choice, but to see that I really, really needed to change in some ways if I was ever going to get anywhere in life in the Civilian world. It was what I like to call a necessary hell.

4. your go to song on a bad day?

Not sure if this counts, but when I get scared or anxious about something, I listen to "Lullaby" by Shawn Mullins. It feels like he is singing it to me in a way. It sounds crazy I know, but I have loved this song for many years and overtime it just became a really good comforting song for me.

5. have / want tattoos

I don't have tattoos and I don't think I will ever get a tattoo. I don't like needles. I'm not as bad as my mom with them, but I still don't like the way they feel and I wouldn't know what to get anyway.

6. what are you looking forward to post ‘rona?

To go to places without having to wear a mask like the movies and the mall for instance. They drive me nuts! I wear them for work and when I go into stores. At home, I stay mask free because no one has the 'rona in the house because we all wear masks when we go out some where like work places and the like.

7. fave place you’ve travelled to / where you would like to travel to?

Lost Maples Natural State Area in Texas, hands down! It is a gorgeous place with mountains with hiking trails and beautiful unbelievably crystal clear water.

North Carolina. I need to pay respects to my grandma and if it is allowed I am thinking about spreading my dad's ashes on her grave as well. I was in the Army when she died. I was offered to go back home because of it, but I knew my grandma would have wanted me to keep going and so I did.

8. name a personal object in your room that you love

My grandma's and Daddi-o's memorial service discs even though the Bitch Cunt of the Century a.k.a. Former stepmom was in charge of the pictures on my Daddii-o's discs. You can tell because she is in most of the pics. *Sighs* Lord, I wish I would have had enough balls to tell that 'thing' to fuck all the way off! *Sighs* Hindsight is 2020 and unfortunately, all that shit went down in 2017.

9. what’s your niche interest?

Hmm... I have a good bit of them to be honest. I will just name my main fandoms at the moment. Rhink, Supernatural, and Harry Potter especially when it comes to shipping. LOL!

10. ideal date with yourself?

Hmm... An ideal date with myself, eh? This is going to sound so weird or maybe not, but either a trip to a bookstore or a thrift and or antique store. I love to check out those kinds of places.

11. share a pic from your camera roll that brings you joy

12. is there anything you would say to your younger self?

It may not seem like it now, but eventually things are going to get better for you and you are going to accept and love yourself for everything that you are. You're not going to hate yourself forever and there are going to be people who like and or love you as a person. Your family has always loved and respected you even if it didn't seem like it sometimes. One day, you are going to be able to look into the mirror and through very, very deep self reflection come to understand why your friends and family and the like have always loved, respected, admired, and believed in you. I love you and one day, you are going to love you too.

13. do you bop to music on (I corrected this. It originally said in.) your own? do you sing?

Yep especially while driving in my car to and from work and at work too.

Oh Hell Yeah! I sing way more than I used to especially not just by myself behind closed doors. I don't sing out loud at work though because people could be sleeping and also I'm still a wee bit hesitant to sing in front of people like face to face depending upon where I am at, who I am with, and such. I'm working on it, but I do show my talent to people a lot more than what I used to.

14. is there a type of animal you associate with home? does your house get animal visitors?

Hmm... I was around cats a lot more than dogs throughout most of my lifetime especially my childhood and teenage years.

If we're being sappy though I'd say cats and dogs now. My boyfriend's brother and sister-in-law have a cat that I love a lot. He is what I like to call a sweet asshole. LOL! He can be nice and or loving, but not towards most people. He is kind of like my boyfriend in that way. They're both assholes to people who actually deserve it, but if you're a good and respectable person they'll show you the same kind of decency.

My mom has two German Shepherds that are my fuzz sisters. I love them way more than I thought I would ever love dogs. I was just a cat person for a really, really long time, but now I actually like or love dogs depending upon my relationship with them.

15. is there an artist of any kind who speaks to your soul?

Oh goodness! So many of them do. A lot of musical artists, writers, and the like. To name them all would have me write out a novel or two even. LOL!

[blackdreamsoffashion]

Well, well, well…

Guess who’s back after over a year of hiatus (currently barfing at all hiatuses as a socio-phonetician…)!

My friends and family know that these past 12 months have probably been the busiest months of my life. I was working through co-founding an organization, dissertating, taking classes, and more recently searching for a new job…. while also trying to exercise, cook, be a decent wife, daughter, sister, friend, cat/dog mom. The whole nine yards. So, it’s safe to say if it wasn’t a necessity, I pretty much wasn’t doing it. So clearly, blogging se fue a la mierda.

With all that said, I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! I’ll be defending my dissertation mid-June, and moving to Erie, PA for a new job shortly after! I couldn’t be more excited, as I feel the faculty I’ve met so far is pretty kick-ass, and I’m stoked to be able to grow as an educator and researcher. A bish can spread her wings and FLY!

I haven’t announced the good news through a classic social media post because it feels shady af since people are literally dying, losing their jobs, and suffering on a daily basis as we try to navigate this new way of life, while Rona’s out here runnin’ rampant.

Speaking of Rona, before I get any more sidetracked, since being quarantined beginning March 20th (or 44 days, or 1056 hours…. but who’s counting?), I’ve been thinking about my family a lot, particularly my dad. Living in NY and working in an Arab grocery store is a recipe for disaster, which has got my stress levels #allthewayup.

I call him daily to do a little check in, and recently, he’s started to use more Arabic with me… even sending me Arabic memes #mamaImadeit! It’s crazy how after spending 29 years on this planet, I’m FINALLY able to take part in that aspect of my dad’s culture. (Shout out to Dr. Zafer for really pushing me in Arabic this semester!)

Sin embargo, even though I can hold my own in Arabic, I’m far from native and even though it’s the native language of one of my parents, it’s my THIRD language! When I think about it, which I’ve been doing a lot lately since thinking about existential questions is the new dissertation procrastination technique, it actually makes me more confused when I try to “define” myself.

Most likely, if I have a kid, I won’t teach him/her Arabic. My husband and I will pass on Spanish, which will be hard since it’s not my native language, meaning that Arabic will pretty much die with me…

On my wedding day, my dad asked me “so, are you planning on changing your last name?” and I could see he was literally holding his breath as he waited for my response. When I told him no….. chacho, that sigh of relief he let out could literally be felt by all of my Sudanese ancestors LOL. But all jokes aside, it’s truly heartbreaking to think that with me, that cultural tie will die.

How do you pass on a culture that’s not truly yours? Identity is so complex, and even if I wanted to identify as Sudanese, I couldn’t. The moment another Arab hears my Arabic, it’s like …… “ohhhhhh so you’re American! I was confused because your last name is Mohamed” and then the “wait you’re not muslim…? But your dad is muslim sooo??” Literally, I’ve heard that at least 67 times.

At LEAST!

Let’s also not forget the fact that I didn’t visit Sudan until I was 18, and I’ve only been there twice. Let’s ALSOOOO not forget that I’m black lmao. Can’t really hide that one lol, and I could literally write a book on the complexities of being black, but for the sake of this post, I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Actually in Saudi Arabia

Literally, no caption needed. 

To further complicate the identity mierda, I was also 18 the first time I went to Puerto Rico; but, I’ve been so many times that I’ve literally lost track. My husband’s Puerto Rican, I’ve been given an honorary Puerto Rican/Caribbean card by several Puerto Ricans, including my suegra. I speak Spanish fluently and have a slight Caribbean accent when doing so, I worship Marc Anthony and Hector Lavoe, my favorite dessert is flan, favorite music genere is probably reggaeton (#rachetontheinside)… así que….. What the heck am I?

Better question. Where is my honorary Arab card, because nobodyyyy has offered that up to me yet and I’m pretty sure a bish will be waiting on it until she dead dead.

How does one construct their identity, and what factors play a role in that construction? Is there some formula I can throw together that will give me my identity. Like, Flan de queso + Bad Bunny = Boricua, kinda? Is there a certain amount of times I need to go to Sudan before I’m accepted as a “true Sudanese?,” a certain amount of lexicon I need to acquire before I can claim that dialect of Arabic?

      Classic.

    Most days I’m black. Punto. But some days, I’m confused and unsure. My hispanic friends tell me I’m Puerto Rican. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not, but I find it so interesting that I can be completely accepted in that culture, but struggle to be accepted by those with whom I share heritage. I also think, since I basically just became a real adult, what type of identity/culture will I pass on to my potential kid… or maybe my 10 cats… It’s a toss up at this point.

First trip to PR with my favorite meerkats!

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

At the end of the day, as I reflect and basically find no real answers lol, one thing I can say is that at least I know how to navigate so many spaces and cultures. I’m literally a freaking chameleon. There’s “yasss sis” black Sherez, “Hacho mano ehto e’ un palo” Caribbean Sherez, “ship ship wen?” sorta Arab Sherez, and even “Excellent! I can certainly have that to you by 5pm,” navigating-white-spaces Sherez. LOL Maybe that’s what I’ll be passing along. Chameleon training 101.

  So anyways. Congrats! You’ve made it to the end of this stream of consciousness blog post. I guarantee this is not how my academic writing is LOL.

If YOU have any struggles, comments, insights, lo que sea, about identity, feel free to share! And share this post too lol. I’m tired of hearing about Rona. Let’s change it up and talk about some existential ish!

-Sherez ❤

  Identity crisis... existential questions during cuarentena! Well, well, well... Guess who's back after over a year of hiatus (currently barfing at all hiatuses as a socio-phonetician...)!

[rorywinslowpatch]

My Story of COVID-19

We all have difficult days, weeks, months, even years. Keeping it simple, I can say my family and I had our fair share of hardships in 2019. My husband and I went into 2020 with hope that it could only go up from here. January and February were off to a good start. I was happy with my job and all the opportunities it was presenting to me. Life was finally going our way.

In early March, I was invited to attend a client event in Vail, Colorado. During this time, COVID-19 was a concern but there had only been a handful of cases confirmed in the United States. I had just returned from a conference in Miami, shaking hands with people from all around the world and thought, “If I didn’t get it there, I should feel safe going on this trip”. So, I went. I met some of the most genuine and intelligent people I’ve ever come across. Walking away from that event I knew I had friends I could call when I visited Philadelphia, DC, California, Florida, New York, even Brazil. It was truly the trip of a lifetime and I’ll always be thankful for such an incredible opportunity.

The week of March 9th. I had returned from Vail that Sunday and was back in the office on Monday. I was still exhausted from the amazing long weekend, sharing stories with my manager who had also attended the trip. It was about 4:00pm when I felt ‘off’. I remember explaining to my manager that I felt weird and my throat was sore when I had woken up and continued throughout the day. I asked if she minded if I left early to get some rest and come back ready to tackle it on Tuesday. Tuesday morning came and I still had this strange sore throat, it’s hard to explain, but I didn’t recognize this pain. I started to self-diagnose myself thinking…maybe its strep, allergies, weather change? I looked in my throat and saw some white spots so figured it was some sort of infection. I took a sick day and went over to Urgent Care. Reminder, COVID-19 had not hit the United States as hard as it had internationally. I walked in and felt immediately uncomfortable. It was packed and every single person was wearing a mask. I walked up to sign in and immediately took note to everything I touched – the counter, the pen, the paper work. After I was signed in the nurse let me know it would be about 2 hours, she wasn’t wrong. I struggled to find a spot to sit while keeping a fair distance from the other coughing patients. As I sat there I remember listing out the COVID-19 symptoms in my head to make myself feel safe – fever (nope), cough (not really), shortness of breath (nope), nausea (maybe it was a very long hangover from the trip?). I even got joking texts from my coworkers – “make sure you don’t have the rona”. As my mind spun out of control, I finally heard my name called. We do a strep test, negative. We then do a strep culture (I guess it’s more accurate), negative. The doctor said I definitely have Tonsilitis which is an infection in your throat from a virus, can be any virus. I asked the doctor if he thinks it could be the COVID-19 virus. His response, “No, because you haven’t left the United States”. Feww, I felt a sense of relief. He prescribed some antibiotics and I was on my way. On Wednesday I woke up with the same sore throat with an additional symptom, fatigue. I slept from 9pm on Tuesday to 10pm on Wednesday and then 11pm on Wednesday to 7am on Thursday. In the last two days I had slept 33 hours with brief moments to go to the bathroom and drink water. When I woke up on Thursday, I felt rested and my sore throat had gone away so I figured it was some sort of infection I had fought off and was on the mend. I went to work as we had our CRO in town and wanted to at least show my face. We had a happy hour after work for a colleagues work anniversary. As I walked into the bar I was told someone from the Vail trip had tested positive for COVID-19. I remember the gut wrenching feeling and the amount of exhaustion that suddenly flooded my body. I immediately panicked and called my sister in-law crying on the curb outside. She was trying to calm me down and said to just call the Urgent Care back that I had visited a couple days earlier and see if they knew where I could get tested. There, began the downward spiral of searching for information – WHERE COULD SOMEONE POSSIBLY GET TESTED. At the time, we didn’t have the testing resources we have now. Every new number I was given gave me another number to call, which resulted in a lot of frustration and worry as my symptoms got worse. I remember crying to my husband with the panic and unknown of COVID-19. I slowly learned no one had access to the test unless you walked into a select few hospitals in Georgia. I called around and found one that did, Emory Saint Joseph’s Hospital. On Friday, I walked right up to the front desk and said nervously, “I came in contact with someone that tested positive for COVID-19 and I have some of the symptoms.” She immediately told me to back up 3-steps and to wait for my blue suit. I was then asked to sit on a separate side of the waiting room as they moved others farther away from me. You could tell everyone was thinking the same thing. Maybe 2 minutes later they escorted me to a room by myself where the nurse asked me questions through a window – I verbally had to give my social security, insurance, and physical address. I spent the next 6 hours in the room having various tests done. First, they had to test me for the flu to rule it out (negative). They then performed two tests for COVID-19 - one swab in the nose and one in the throat. They then had to x-ray my chest to make sure I wasn’t developing pneumonia. Each time someone came into the room they had a very thorough process: sanitize their hands, put on a new blue suit, 2 layers of gloves, sanitize again, a medical mask, glasses, the plastic face shield. There were roughly 30 minutes in between each test and during that time many nurses would walk by my room labeled with a big red paper and black X, marking it was for a COVID-19 patient. As if, I didn’t feel like an alien already. I will say the doctors and nurses at Emory Saint Joseph’s Hospital made me feel as comfortable as they possibly could and were amazing describing each step of the process. As I left the room the doctor goes, “You’ll get a call in about 3-5 days with the results, but I doubt you test positive”. It was 12 days. During those 12 days of waiting, I found myself gaining more symptoms, which then came more anxiety and fear. I wrote down my symptoms each day in case the doctors needed me to recall anything. I kept all of these in my notepad on my phone, but I’ll save everyone some time and skip the details.

As the days went on more people from the trip were getting positive results. I think the actual ratio ended up being 70% of the people on the trip. During those 12 days, every moment was different. One day you feel worse than the day before and then the next you feel like you’re finally making progress. With those new symptoms, came defeat. It wasn’t until day 5 (after being tested) that my deep chest cough developed. I had some ‘dry cough’ on the first couple days, but nothing like this. It took 3 days to finally get a doctor to prescribe an inhaler without seeing me in person. They also sent over what I call ‘the miracle drug’, Tessalon Perles also known as Benzonatate. It was the tiniest pill I had ever seen. I immediately called my mom (which I was doing probably twice a day at this point) to see what it was. She encouraged me to take them as it would help with the coughing fits. IT WORKED, after 2 days of taking it the fits had subsided and I was slowly starting to have ‘proactive coughs’. Over the next few days I took a combination the ‘miracle drug’, mucinex-D, elderberry syrup, and a liter of water. As the coughing subsided, another symptom returned, fatigue. This wasn’t like the tiredness I was feeling before but more exhaustion. The smallest tasks were completely wiping me out – the dishes, vacuuming, folding laundry, etc.

March 18th. I remember this moment as if it was yesterday. If you aren’t someone that is open to faith, stop here.

I was having one of my defeated days and couldn’t see the light at the end. My husband was out on the porch talking to his mom. I felt the need to clear my head but couldn’t walk more than 10 minutes without having to take a break so I decided to drive around instead. I was driving down one of my favorite roads in Atlanta, bopping my head to the music because I didn’t have the lung capacity to sing along. Realizing why I wasn’t singing, I started to cry. I pulled over in one of the neighborhoods and completely let it out. I was crying, snot everywhere, and of course I couldn’t find those stupid napkins you are supposed to leave in your glovebox. I took a moment to settle my breath and started to talk. At the time, I want to think I knew Who I was speaking to. I had just started to go to church about 8 months ago for the first time in my life. To be fair, I was still skeptic but open to the idea of a higher power. I started rambling in my car at the end of some random person’s driveway. I was saying it all – how scared I was, the unknown, the lack of control, frustration of not having my results, worry of job security, everything came out. Then, all of a sudden, I found myself praying for the first time. I prayed for guidance..support…anything that would give me some sort of relief. I looked at the time and realized I had been talking to myself for over an hour. I started up the car and made my way back to our place. I walked in and my husband asked where I had been but only shared that I had taken a drive to clear my head. The next few days I wasn’t feeling any new symptoms just the constant struggle to breathe normally and exhaustion with simple tasks. Tuesday morning I got the call. It rang and I knew what they were about to tell me. At this point, I was out of the woods and whatever the results were, I had overcome the worst of it. It was positive.

Jump to a few weeks later. Georgia slowly started opening up but we still weren’t back in our offices. I had done some research and heard about how intravascular plasma was saving patients that were severely ill with COVID-19. Atlanta Blood Services was a local platelet donation center that opening their seats to recovered COVID-19 patients to donate their plasma. I immediately signed up and they got me in 2 days later. They had a round of questions and tests they needed to do before I could donate. I sat down with the research technician and they walked me through the questions – how did you get it, date of last symptom, etc. They then tested me again for COVID-19 to make sure I wasn’t still contagious, it came back negative. They then took a sample of blood from my left arm to test for the antibodies, which came back positive. They then guided me to the donation chair and I sat there for about 2 hours. I couldn’t help but watch the tubes take the blood out of my arm, recycle it inside this very noisy machine, push this yellow type liquid into these bags hanging above my chair (the plasma), and then the machine pushes the red blood back into my body. It was truly amazing seeing what medicine was doing to defeat this pandemic. I continue to go back every two weeks to donate my plasma.  

Now, fully recovered, I look back and am thankful this happened to me. I am thankful I didn’t develop phenomena. I am thankful of the person I found within myself. I am thankful I found my faith when I needed it the most. The world has a funny way of making you realize your purpose on earth. COVID-19 led me to my faith, which allowed me to see what I want my future to be. I wake up every day with a positive attitude, thankful to see what the future has in store for me, striving to have an open mind and heart. I found myself with the wrong priorities before and made it a goal to push myself to find what I love to do every day – at home and at work. I started this story with the idea that 2020 was worse than 2019. I move forward with 2020 with a new outlook and perspective. I couldn’t be more grateful for where this bumpy road has led me. Thank you, for opening my eyes.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 7x13 The Killer in Me

aka i just want willow to be happy

We did it, guys! We made it to the last season! Also, hello if you’re new, and stumbled upon this without context. As usual, these impromptu text posts are the product of my fevered mind as I rant about the episode I just watched for an hour (okay, sometimes perhaps two). Anything goes!

And I have a lot of complicated feelings about today’s episode.

Killer in Me follows in the footsteps of Potential, taking a break from the Big Bad to focus more on some of our characters. It just does it with a somewhat more questionable execution.

And by questionable, I mean that I’m not actually sure how I feel about all of it. There’s a lot that I like here, and with the ending scene especially, I found that, overall, it worked.

You got me, show. I want Willow to be happy.

I earlier criticized Kennedy for being an under-developed love interest for Willow in the show’s last season (as opposed to Willow/Anya that was… right there, you guys, it was right there!!), but I can’t even pretend to be mad anymore. Ultimately, that’s not the point. Kennedy’s not the point. Willow not feeling constantly miserable for the rest of her life is.

And while the doomed relationships thing is basically a theme here, I think at this point the writers also became somewhat aware of the implications of having their one (canon) queer main character end the show on that note? I mean, it was 2003, we were still getting used to not connecting to the internet through dial-up, so there wasn’t as much uproar as you’d might expect today upon Tara’s death. But it still had an impact. This sort of meta acknowledgement would also coincide with having Rona earlier in the season comment upon how black women die first in movies – a trope that the show’s been obviously guilty of as well.

Not to mention that Kennedy was written with an effort to have her be more steeped in queer culture – something that the writers never really explored with Willow, and use Kennedy here to comment upon. But we’re also just talking about Willow’s experience and relationship to her sexuality in general, which is so nice???

Maybe if we’ve done this more and earlier, we wouldn’t have The Discourse in the first place…

I like the simplicity of it all too of what Willow says. She fell in love with Tara. That was it.

What makes the show strong, even when it might not be familiar with certain experiences, is that it knows its characters. That’s what they build upon with their themes too, and it’s what makes these stories work, regardless of anything else. So I like to think of this scene as a follow up on that, that also briefly ties into a greater context.

The part where Willow talks about her mom’s reaction to her coming out is also interesting, and something we’ve never discussed on the show before.

WILLOW:  “My mom was all proud like I was making some political statement. Then the statement mojo wore off and I was just gay. She hardly ever even met Tara.”

This isn’t all that surprising if one remembers Gingerbread though – Willow’s mom couldn’t even recall Buffy’s name. In season 3. So, of course she wouldn’t bother to get to know her daughter’s girlfriend of three years either.

Willow says that she didn’t mind though, saying that her and Tara were “private”. Which in a way is a callback to season 4, when Willow kept Tara and her relationship with her hidden from the Scoobies for months, saying that she wanted something that was only hers.

(“I am, you know.” “What?” “Yours.”)

But Willow eventually introduced Tara to her friends, and the latter became an integral part of their group. And yet when it came to her mom, she felt more comfortable with keeping these things separate.

…Or maybe it’s just that she felt distant from her mom in general, who never even tried to understand or connect with her.

In any case, Willow and Kennedy’s date ends up being surprisingly sweet. Especially when you consider that Kennedy essentially tricked Willow into the whole thing…

Anyway.

Let’s talk about Willow turning into Warren.

I think I already mentioned that there’s this possible interpretation of the Trio as a darker reflection of Willow in season 6, without getting too much into it.

I guess we’ll have to get into it now.

Let’s go back to the early seasons and Restless. What does Willow feel like her defining characteristic is at that time? What’s her greatest fear in college? How does she see herself even as late as season 6?

WILLOW:  “Let me tell you something about Willow. She's a loser. And she always has been. People picked on Willow in junior high school, high school, up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie.”

Willow started out the show as a lonely nerd, who was motivated by wanting to be special and loved. Her and Warren were never the same, because Warren never had the self-awareness to temper his entitlement, but you can track some of the same patterns through both of them, coming from a similar place of insecurity. Like their need for control and power, and the lengths they’d go to maintain that.

And I think Willow had the self-awareness to recognize that. After all, that kind of ability of self-examination is one of the things that distances her from Warren in the first place. No wonder then that her subconscious chose this form of punishment for her upon Amy’s hex then.

The part that initially felt more clunky to me about this, was the misogynistic language. That was what signaled to us the fact that Willow wasn’t just simply appearing in Warren’s form, but was becoming him. And it felt decidedly extreme and non-Willow-y, and messed with the nuance of it all.

…Until I remembered the kind of language Willow would use in the earlier seasons to describe characters like Cordelia or Faith. It stuck out to me then as well, and in a sense, this detail now can be interpreted as a commentary on that, and Willow’s internalized misogyny.

But the crux of it all, the emotional gut-punch, ends up being about a whole different kind of connection that Willow feels to Warren.

Killing Tara.

WILLOW:  “No, she was never gone. She was with me. We should have been forever, and I let her be dead. She's really dead. And I killed her.”

Let 👏 Willow 👏 be 👏 happy 👏

See? There’s a lot of juicy stuff here to talk about and I love that. Not to mention that we finally embrace Amy as an Ethan Rayne-type of chaotic neutral villain foil to Willow, and it’s so good! So very good!

AMY:  “This is not about hate. It's about power. Willow always had all the power, long before she even knew what to do with it. Just came so easy for her. The rest of us, we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet Willow. They don't know how weak she is. She gave in to evil, stuff worse than I can even imagine. She almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her? So what's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Taking her down a peg or two?”

It’s delicious. Even more delicious than the brownies Amy and Willow would bond over during Junior High.

On a less fun note, a lot of characters’ reaction to the idea that Willow would now be a boy is a bit… troubling. I’m not talking about the Scoobies here, who are mostly freaked out by the fact that it’s Warren, but things like the Wicca group’s reaction for instance. Like, they aren’t even reacting to the story of how Willow was hexed yet, they’re just being weird about the idea itself that someone they knew as a girl is now a boy. As if that was out of the realm of possibilities.

Meanwhile in one of our other side-stories, Spike’s chip is malfunctioning, so he and Buffy are trying to contact the Initiative to ask for their help (Sarah Michelle Gellar also lost her voice at some point it seems), and the rest of the gang think that Giles might be dead and the First, so they go on a road trip to investigate.

Overall, there’s plenty of flaws to be found with this episode. The themes of Willow turning into Warren don’t actually get fully explored, and scenes like Willow buying the gun are just super weird for it. Ideas like the fairytale kiss are just clunky. And yet, The Killer in Me also got to me, and provided me with tons of stuff to dissect.

So, much like with the Willow/Kennedy relationship, I can’t be too mad about it.