#So out of habit they direct negative emotions the same way they used to come

[quotidianish]

Certified gay people

[cooki3face]

abundance reading: money, career, academics, goals, etc.

Pile one 💰:

Affirmation: “I trust the person I am.”

There could be some disappointment in your life at the moment pile one. Regarding your career, how much money you’re making, your success in school, or something of the material world. I see you potentially turning to coping mechanisms to try and deal with your stress as well. Something here about disappointment and withdrawal is coming through. You may even be shutting your friends out or cutting communication off so that you can lock in and focus or because you’re obsessively stressing over work and trying to push yourself to succeed. I see a lot of anxiety and worry regarding these areas of your life. There could be a fear of failure or a fear of something not panning out on time for you or how you foresaw it in your mind. The law of attraction works in a very different way pile one, you may be trying to manifest something as well which is why I say that and the more you stress over it and treat this thing like you need it and you’ll be nothing without it the further away it will want to be from you.

You could be someone who was raised to try and safe money or try to hold onto it. There are a lot of people in this world who allow money and finances to stress them out. Someone close to you could be the same, a romantic partner or a fiancé. But money is scared of people who are scared of it. By that I mean, scared of spending it, scared of losing it, scared of not having it and you need to practice a mindset of abundance. Get used to the expectation that money will always be there and money will come to you and so it will. A lot of your financial or material manifestations or desires may be delayed or being held from you by the universe to try and give you time to overcome a habit of negative self talk, negative thinking, or a lack of optimism or gratitude.

You and someone close to you could both need to learn a lesson on this and if there is nobody close to you at the moment as I described who shares this same issue. It’s just you who may need to go out and speak to people and learn from people or learn a lesson on the way that you live your life currently and how that affects you. I’m hearing work with spirit or work with the universe and do the inner work so you can live a better life and live an abundant life. “Help me help you.” You could be an over thinker or maybe even suffer with anxiety. You could be someone who doesn’t believe they deserve positive things in life and by doing that you push more abundance away from you by believing things are too good to be true or like you do not deserve it when you’re given something or granted an opportunity to flourish.

These types of thoughts or ideas could be responsible for a lot of emotional and mental turmoil within you and that further agitates the situation on a deeper level. Because not only is your mental state involved but your emotions will be too. Be careful what you say and be careful what types of thoughts you entertain or allow to sway you in any direction. Spirit asks that you use your ambition, your natural passions or talents or things you’ve been interested in to guide you, motivate you and propel you forward. You could be needing to choose a career, you could be starting something new, starting college soon, etc. but there is a need here to turn inwards and really think about what it is that makes you happy and apply it to your material life and your career.

People who do things they aren’t passionate about for work usually grow to hate those things and that keeps them from performing their best all the way around. Practice getting in the habit of doing things you enjoy, prioritizing your enjoyment rather than prioritizing hustle culture or working or doing things because you “have to” or “need to survive” and practice doing things or working because you want, because you enjoy the very thing you’re doing or out of love. The trick to self discipline is doing things because you love yourself and you want good things for yourself and you want a good life for yourself. For example, not working out because you’re trying to keep up with a certain standard or maintain a body image but working out because you lose yourself and you feel wholeheartedly that you should take care of your body because you want the best for yourself.

Lower your expectations and the habit of allowing people, the internet or other outside influences within your life or that you’re seeing rush you. You could be watching your friends be decided on things they want to do or flourishing within their material lives or succeeding in the things they put their energy into but all good things take time and I think you need to be easier on yourself and release this burdensome feeling that you’re carrying if you want to do well as others are. Sit with yourself, try and find some inner clarity or rethink your thoughts and ideas on your career, on what you want for yourself, about money and about what abundance means. Success will follow after you get this right.

Release your perfectionism, stop fixating on this feeling of stagnancy or feeling stuck and practice self discipline out of love and not out of urgency or fear or lack. Rid yourself of all the self doubt you have, find some gratitude, be patient, trust the person you are and your own inner compass. You could be tired or very low energy, socially or even physically. Rest and rejuvenate and prioritize your mental health and self care. It’s okay to feel as you feel as long as it doesn’t completely obliterate you and leave you feeling horrible and shaken for longer than necessary. Don’t let anything paralyze you or prevent you from doing what you should for yourself or putting your needs and desires first. Self-love, self-care and valuing your inner feelings and desires is the key to success and happiness no matter how long it takes or where you take it.

You are changing, your life is shifting and entering a new era or a new chapter and the feeling of being undecided or a fear of change is a normal thing that lots of people experience. Your anxiety is an illusion and it is an entrapment of the mind but trust your intuition, trust your inner compass, trust who you are and trust that your higher self will guide you the right way.

Lucky Girl Syndrome: Self-Concept Affirmations 🍀

[alettertomymommy]

January 29, 2023

Whoa...it’s been over 6 years since I wrote to you last. So much has changed: I’ve moved twice; now it’s just me and the cats in Carol Stream. I got promoted, several times; I’m a “manager” now, with my own team of direct reports. Don’t ask about why I put manager in quotes; it’s a long, bitter story that I’d rather just gloss right on over. 

A lot feels like it’s still the same: I haven’t spoken to Dad since August of 2016. Sometimes I think I miss him, but then I remember the pain/toxicness of that relationship and I realize that I really am better off not having a relationship with him right now. I’m not saying this is forever, but for now this is the way it needs to be.

Johnny is still my person; he took over once you were no longer able to be here for me. I don’t see him as much as I’d like to, but I’m working on that. He and Rodger moved from Sun Lake to DeFuniak Springs, FL. You’d love it there! The downtown area has a bunch of cute shops and restaurants. I can’t wait to go back. I am seriously considering moving to FL; possibly even to the same area as them. It would definitely be an adjustment and I’d possibly need to find a new job, but he and Rodger are what’s left of my family. 

Work is work. I’ve been struggling a lot over the past year with feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I finally admitted it to my boss during our last 1:1 and told her that I need support/something has to change. She was receptive and didn’t make me feel like I’m not good enough or that I can’t do my job. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders after the conversation and hopefully we can work together to make the changes that need to be made to ensure I no longer feel this way. And my team! They need support too, and I feel like I’m not doing very well at being their boss. Lots of changes to be made and work to be done, but I’m feeling better about it. Hopefully things will fall into place.

I just got back from Vegas...Alanna and I saw ADELE in concert. It was amazing, Mom. I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would, but I cried. She can sing and the show was awesome. On vacation I realized how much I was dreading coming back home to work and my ‘reality’, so I decided to make some changes. I decided to utilize the EAP from Claire’s to get some counseling. I had my first session on Friday and I’m really hoping that during the 8 free sessions I can get some good tools to work through what I’ve got going on personally and professionally. 

I need to take better care of myself. I remember I used to get so mad at you for not taking care of yourself, and here I am doing the same thing you did. I just keep trying to keep up the routines and habits that I know I should, but I always lose focus/interest after a few weeks and then revert to all the unhealthy (mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.) habits that are comfortable. I also think I might have ADHD. I think I’ve had it for a really long time, but never knew was it was. Don’t laugh, but after watching a whole bunch of videos on TikTok, I’ve realized that a lot of my habits/ways of doing things are clear signs of undiagnosed/untreated ADHD. I just need to find a doctor to actually go to and get diagnosed. That’s a whole step unto itself that I’ll struggle with.

I’m trying not to whine or complain. I need to stop letting the negative things take over my emotions and thoughts. That’s part of what has been affecting me a lot personally and professionally. It feels like everything that happens has negative connotations and I seem to spiral into dark thoughts and feel terrible. I’m trying to start being more positive, so hopefully that helps. I’m really trying very hard right now to stay busy and not turn on my work laptop. I feel super behind, but that’s to be expected after being on vacation right? YES! I have to remember that I cannot be everything for everyone everywhere at once. That’s how I ended up feeling like this to begin with. I made a to-do list for tomorrow and it feels like a lot, but I’ve got to go to the office and hopefully being there will help me focus and plow through my list.

I’ve been watching James Bond films all weekend, so I’m going to go back to Casino Royale now. I’ve only been watching the Pierce Brosnan & Daniel Craig films because both of them are super attractive...and I do what I want. That and some of the older ones are just way too rapey for my taste. I’m going to have a little more pizza (homemade with Chef Boyardee sauce) and an apple and then it’s off to bed. Got to take my vitamins before bed though; that’s part of my new routine and I need all the Vitamin C I can get right now since I’m sick for the second time in a month.

I love you, Mom. And I miss you every day, still. It’s been 7 years since you left this earth and every once in a while it feels like it was just yesterday. I still wish I could call you whenever I need to, or even just hear your voice. I’m doing okay though. Yes, I’m struggling right now, but I’m trying to find my way out of the dark and scary place. I asked for help this time and I’m not going to just bottle it all up inside. I’ll write to you more frequently, I promise! I need to keep a journal, so maybe I’ll just write to you everyday as a way of chronicling my thoughts and feelings; like I’m having a conversation with you. Maybe that’ll make it a bit easier. 

Love, Your Girlie Girl

[ohleander]

11.2.22

Yesterday felt like the most normal day I've had in a long while. I know its because I slept good, I was extra hydrated and my cycle was passing onto day 3. My hormones are settling!

Today feels good too so far. I like having long mornings. I'm in the process of existing at a slower pace. I am also using more firm and direct statements. No more wishy washy words. I believe this is the first step in practicing speaking better. I want to work on my voice and my speaking and communication. As always, at my own pace.

Its wordy wednesday, the day ruled by mercury and the perfect day for communication. As always, I feel like free-writing. This is the season for me to slow down and really just settle into myself. Enjoy myself. Rest within myself knowing that I am loved, cherished and taken care of in a wonderfully general sense. I am good. I am loved. I am peaceful.

My morning speaking affirmations in the car have been really powerful. Speaking my "i am" statements out loud in the morning really makes a difference and I'm eager to see how it evolves. I like the idea of doing it on my commute home but at the same time... I enjoy the quiet.

I want to be more direct and yet I really really love filling space with words. Words are fun and I enjoy picking the ones that exactly fit my mind and my mood. I want to learn more words to use.

Today should be another packed but leisurely day. We are decorating for the holidays at work. We have plenty of tasks to do. We have a lot to look forward to and nothing on my plate is too much right now. Everything on my plate is a proper size and easy for me to handle. I do not take more than I can eat at one time. I fill my plate with what I can easily enjoy as a meal, each day, each moment, each week. I easily find balance.

Another habit I'm learning is to use less negative statements. Like "not" and "isnt" to describe how things arent. I'm practicing clarity in my statements. Positive clarity.

I do not fear anything. I have a handle on it all. I relinquish control over the process and over the outcome. The only thing I can control are my actions and reactions in each moment. I am allowed to get emotional. Emotions are just the weather in my body. I have weathered them all so far and I can keep weathering them. More than most other things, I'd love for my body to calm down with how much it feels emotions.. or rather, how intensely it reacts to the emotions I get. Im feeling like the extreme reactions contribute to me not having clarity in situations.. I'm so worried about how I feel in these moments that reality tends to feel invisible.

I am comfortable not making sense. I am comfortable in my solitude. I have the tools to do what I need and want. I find joy in every moment even the tough ones. I am on the right path for me because its what I've chosen in this moment. Everything is a web of thread, connecting to one another for one huge goal and that's my whole life. Its all interconnected and related and leads to each moment as it is. Very soon things are going to come right together for us. Very soon I begin my journey with joy and optimism. I'm going to enjoy the process, just as I do now, even when its unfamiliar. The feeling of fear can often settle into my body when things feel unfamiliar. I release the feeling of fear and guilt. I release the feeling of perfectionism. I hold close the voice that is so harsh on me. They are only trying to protect me but its my turn to comfort them.

There are so so many folks in this world doing exactly what they wish, with fine intent, not knowing whats along the way but confident that they can walk the path.

I'm walking my path every day. Every day I come to enjoy it more and it becomes more clear to me, even when its foggy.

I'm in love.

LA

[justagirlnamedserena]

Inner ☮️ Peace.

I feel inner peace is the feeling of contentment. An experience you have when you are free from anxiety, worry, stress, and negative emotions in general. A state of calmness that lets you live a sense of happiness that is not disturbed or affected by external events. Your mind hushes - leaves you in a beautiful, peaceful place. You don’t need to be extremely happy and feel “perfect” - to me, it’s a warm feeling that spreads through your body and feel it in your soul.

How can you get to this place of inner peace? I did a little research to help me on this part and I could write a bunch but I chose a few topics that are from experience and that I personally want to work on.

Of course - ✨Meditation✨ - would be at the top. Meditate to clear your mind and help you focus on nothing. So much easier said than done.. that is why we need to start practicing meditation.

Close your eyes,

Sit still,

And relax.

Focus on your breathing as you clear your mind. A great way to calm your thoughts and emotions. Inner peace comes from only one place and that is from within yourself.

✨Simplify Your Life.

Keeping your life simple. It will help you achieve peace by directing your energy to a single point. Break away from everything that hinders your progress, anything that drains your energy and holds you back. This could be an individual that’s in your life, maybe your job, or have a family member that gets to be too much. You’re feelings and state of mind matter just as much as the next.

Keep it simple and stay focused on what’s important. I can always elaborate more on this if you would like. Just leave a comment below or shoot me a message.

✨“Me” Time.

In the rush of the day - it is easy to worry about daily life, struggles, chores, try to please everyone at the same time.. neglecting your own feelings and needs. Nowadays with all that is wrong with the world alone is exhausting. You get done with today, then tomorrow, then the week, then months fly by. That feelings definitely does not being about inner peace. Take time out of for some “me time” - everyday. Create your happy place. What brings you joy, what thoughts instantly lift you up and lifts your mood.

This could be a hobby of some sort, reading a book, watch something you enjoy on tv, go for a walk, start off small and take just 15 minutes of your day for just YOU. Slowly increase it over time, maybe a half hour to an hour.

✨Be In The Present Moment.

The only moment that matters is now because it’s the moment that truly exists. You can not change the past nor predict the future. Focus on what you can control - The Present Moment. There are stressors all around us. We fear the future and are regretful of the past.

✨Keep A Positive Attitude.

Positive attitude leads you to a peaceful state of mind. If you always feel uncomfortable with yourself - you need to break this cycle and get rid of that habit. It will require more effort and work but you can train your mind to think more positively. Your mind can be your worst enemy.

✨This Too Shall Pass.

Everything that heads your way will also pass. Today’s darkness may be sunny tomorrow. Everything that happens today will pass and some times it is best to let it go. Especially over things and situations you have absolutely no control over. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you made. Your mistakes are an important part of your journey and will only make you wiser and more understanding of things. Tomorrow is a new day!

During this journey in search of inner peace - keep in mind you are not creating inner peace - it is already INSIDE you. You just have to dig deep to find it. Being at peace with yourself is a state in which your brain functions at its best level and achieves positive results. It seems hard to reach, too far away or unreal, you are not alone. Peace of mind and inner peace is not achieved overnight. It’s a spiritual journey that ultimately leads to a state where you no longer feel influenced by external events.

These are notes I have taken down for my own personal use and wanted to share with all of you! In hopes that we could all support one another and help one another to get to a more better place in our lives. Please feel free to leave comments below or message me if you feel this was helpful and if I should do more! I think in the album section, I will create topics that we will discuss throughout our journey together and it will be easier to find each prompt I wrote incase you’d like to read over it again in the future.

A lot of us are mentally misunderstood… myself included.. I made this group so others know they aren’t alone.. and we can get through this together.🤞🏻

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

[astrologanize]

2021 for the ascendants 

aries ascendant: man, it’s like you’ve forgotten what you want for the past few years but you’ve been trying with all your might to run through a list of desires with the hope that eventually something will provide you with contentment. worry not, you will be met with situations that highlight your principles so that you are able to decipher what it is that brings you oneness. ask yourself if the company you keep is meeting expectations and if there are behaviors you’ve been allowing, but more importantly, ask yourself if you are leading by example and what you are leading with. this is a time for you to make sure that you are taking the proper initiative towards your own fulfillment, if you’re feeling a disconnect then maybe you should seek for an understanding of the objective; how can you expect others to meet expectations if you aren’t doing the same for yourself? why are you tolerating what you shouldn’t have to? it’s time to up your ambition and strive for resolution by making sure that you are setting yourself up for greatness. “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” 

taurus ascendant: life has been a slippery slope for the past couple of years, the way life can change in the blink of an eye and the way we can get carried away without intending to is something you’re awfully familiar with by now. you’ll feel like you’re getting somewhere, you figure things are on the up ya know, and then of course something totally stops you in your tracks and it makes you question yourself - which has only made your taurus ascendant self clam up harder buuuut you’ve been trying to process it. you will be met with situations that allow you to reap the benefit of your efforts. it is time for you to go after what you want, this is prime manifestation time so if you are desiring change to circumstances make sure you are working towards it and utilizing the power of affirmation. if you don’t have a job then i would strongly advise this as a time to obtain one or attempt to obtain one; if you do have a job/are in a career then expect there to be change that is ultimately positive for you even if it may not seem like it at the time. 

gemini ascendant: you guys have been on a mission of self-discovery through the numerous voids we utilize to dissolving other parts of ourselves, i’m getting very “cranes in the sky” by solange - “i tried to drink it away, i tried to put one in the air, i tried to dance it away, i tried to change it with my hair” (etc. read the rest of the lyrics if you’d like!) sometimes in us getting caught up in excessive behavior we’re able to understand that there’s a bigger issue at play and we’re acting from a place that is without authenticity. you will be met with situations that reveal the answers that you’ve been searching for and your perspective will begin to breakdown and reform. this year you should try to think before you speak, in fact, let your actions speak for themselves so that you don’t have to start running off at the mouth. absorb and filter through the information that you have so that you are leading with the facts; no more following unreliable curiosities, bouncing back & forth, and wallowing in careless behavior. 

cancer ascendant: for a while you’ve had to take a hard look at family, support systems, what you bring the to the table, and how you can find liberation for yourself in relation to these things. it’s been easier for you to fall into a pity party because you’ve had to deal with and be met with responsibility in a new way, a way that has showed you where you’re needing to grow up, and this can make you want to sink further into your shell with all your vices of comfort (those ‘security blankets’ can be so pesky). you will be met with situations that can soften out your old ways and in doing so provide you with a chance to have a legitimate regeneration. finding acceptance and embracing vulnerability at it’s most candid is how you will find your footing. this is a time to try to re-evaluate your patterns of behavior so that you can work on creating new, healthier habits for yourself so that you are able to lay down those roots of security that you long for. you have been receiving the tools you need and all you have to do is utilize them instead of trying to shield up and be overly defensive. 

leo ascendant: i feel like life for you has kind of felt like someone took you out of your home, drove you to a forest in the middle of nowhere and dropped you off with the bare necessities and said, “okay, now figure out your way back.” thankfully you are getting a groove back for yourself and taking on a new outlook of the hindrances in your life. you will be met with situations that make you reconsider the way you’ve been carrying yourself, what you’ve been allowing, and the situations that you have been placing yourself in. it’s time for you to be more selective and imagine what you want for your life, what is your ‘dream life’? - answer this question and start taking the steps to getting there, decide what isn’t aligning with this dream, what you need to pull back from, and what is worth the effort. if you have family or a support system then examine your relationship with them - are they holding you back or are they willing to work on things with you and vice versa because it could be you who is needing to be more deliberate with people. if your home (life) isn’t ideal then find a way of to move elsewhere or renovate your space by getting rid of what has no use in your life so that you can add or rearrange accordingly. 

virgo ascendant: ah, attachments and feeling withdrawn, dissatisfied, ineffective are issues that you have been dealing with but this year you will be tending to the source of this by learning how to keep momentum. though you have been putting in effort, it’s you working harder and not smarter because you’re working from a place of inadequacy instead of working from a place of ingenuity. along with working harder and putting in unnecessary effort is you nitpicking to the very last crumb when really this is you just, again, being dissatisfied with where you are in life. you will be met with situations that force you back down to earth and emphasize what it is that you have been evading or how you’ve been evading. this is a time to make the transitions that you’ve been yearning for, this is not a time for waiting things out, if you want something then you need to act on it. you’ve been in your head in a very unhelpful way, you’re like “nope, this won’t work for me because xyz, i can’t do that because of abc, this is too wrong, this isn’t lmnop enough, blah blah blah” and it’s been excuse after excuse. get out of your own way and revise!!! make the best with what you have!!!

libra ascendant: gosh, why has everything felt like it’s been crumbling away? things are supposed to come together, not fall apart, right? as of late your efforts have felt as though they’ve been in vain - other people aren’t taking to you, you’re not attracting what you want, and everything has felt unfair. this balance beam has been feeling anything but balanced! you will be met with situations that bring you back to the notion that what we attract is based around what we’re putting forth. have you ever pointed the finger at yourself? are there any issues that could be stemming for you? maybe it’s you who is needing to learn how to keep yourself in check. after all this crumbling away you should be able to start piecing together the leftover fragments to gather an understanding of what life has come to be. omg i just envisioned the mulan scene: “when will my reflection show who i am inside” - this is your mulan moment!!! negativity has clung and been projected from you in recent years and it’s on you to mend those behaviors and in doing so your paths will narrow down, the indecision will cease, and you’ll see where you can go, where you’d want to go.  

scorpio ascendant: feeling as though you’ve missed something is not something you’re that familiar with because you like to think you have awareness but unfortunately recognition has not been your strong suit as of late. you’ve reached that “who am i?” stage of rock-bottom and the “what in the hell am i even doing?” but what a year 2021 will be for you in terms of being able to end certain cycles, which is a pretty major thing for your ascendant. you will be met with situations that force you to gather your bearings and revise your demeanor, which can be a nerve-wracking thing for someone who doesn’t like to adhere to what they would consider the follies of others. it’s a time for openness so lessen your grip and consider the possibilities rather than feeding into your sensitivities and fixations. how can you transform if you’re too busy digging yourself in deeper? the way scorpio is able to bring together both boldness and vulnerability is what you should be striving for, the self-sabotaging is for the other birds - you’re a Phoenix! 

sagittarius ascendant: i extend my deepest condolences for the past couple of years but you’re starting to get a better idea about the part that you play in matters and what you’re needing to improve upon so that you can find a direction, or better direction, in your life. hopefully you have been paying heed to the areas in your life that have accumulated to the point of no return and are planning a big ol’ yard sale because it is time to bring back some decency. you will be met with situations that test your ability to make the right choices/decisions by infringing upon your lifestyle. this is a time to explore inwardly and address the emotions that you’ve kept tucked away, seeing as your decisions are too often dictated by these unturned emotions. you’ve done enough wandering by now, these upcoming days should be about you tying up loose ends and bettering the circumstances you currently have so that you don’t feel the need to flee. don’t let things go unexpressed this year because this baggage is what is hindering you and freeing yourself of this as much you possibly can would be in your best interest. 

capricorn ascendant: ah, those dark feelings of being misunderstood and having a chip on your shoulder because let’s be honest, you’ve been having an identity crisis and haven’t been the most reassuring person to have around. all i’m hearing is “it’s my life!” and envisioning a person who is refusing to be told what to do, we get it - you think you’re above cooperation. you will be met with situations that challenge the security within yourself and in your life through having to face your own inability to properly articulate yourself to others. it’s time for you to take on the mindset of a novice. everything you’ve established or think that you’ve established? yeah, leave it at the door. try your best to pretend that you know nothing and that the world is brand new because it’s your own preconceived notions that are clamming you up. other people won’t be receptive to you if you’re not being receptive to them. not everything is about standing on the mountain or being ready to die on a hill, you should be enjoying the process and experimenting and considering alternatives because that’s how you find what works. 

aquarius ascendant: so you guys have totally recoiled into yourselves to the point of being lost within, huh? i just know y’all have been going full weirdo and doing shit that probably even you can’t grasp because it’s been coming from such a subconscious place. once you’ve hit a low point it’s easy to become a bitter betty and partake in not the greatest of coping mechanisms because you’re feeling alienated from yourself. there is a reason for this though - you have unacknowledged feelings! have you had any regrets or lingering emotion towards people or towards situations? perhaps these are stifling your ability to feel present. you will be met with situations that turn you inside out by taking away the option of preparing yourself so that there’s no time to go robotic about it. this is a time for you to revel in activity, get out of your ~woe is me, nobody wants what i have to offer~ and start showcasing your abundance! give for the sake of giving, have fun with your generosity, try to tap into that aquarius energy of playful but well-intentioned nonchalance. 

pisces ascendant: well, you have been trying to work on your celestial flow and have dove deeper into your visions and idealisms for life but your moods have never been more easily swayed. these have not been the sort of tides that you have cared to ride because they don’t lead anywhere! they crash and dissolve, crash and dissolve, crash and dissolve - when will they carry you somewhere you’d like to go? your escapisms and illusions have been getting the better of you and floating is a pretty accurate way to describe where you’re at. you will be met with situations that question/alter your reality and reveal to you what you’ve been overlooking. i imagine it as your *record scratch* *freeze frame* “yup. that's me. so you're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation.” moment. it’s time for you to gently pull back and take note of what you’re investing your energy into and what this has been producing in return. your energy is best left being funneled into yourself this year so that you can thoroughly examine where you’ve been pigeonholing yourself; in you examining such you will be able to tap into your intuition in a way that you have not been able to before, it’ll be like unlocking a new level of your own consciousness. 

[fallstreakfeathers]

[More] Obey Me Headcanons

[ I didn’t edit this at all, really, but I have around 30 headcanons so far that I’m using for my fic and would like several backups- so, I’m posting it here.) 

The ‘Devildom’ is a planet that is larger than ours. ‘Hell’ refers to a part of each territory the Avatar’s govern that is reserved for retaining and torturing human souls. These areas are actually quite small compared to the rest of the land. Each environment is unique, with its own native flora, fauna, land formations, climates, and dangers.

The Devildom resides on a tall, mountain-ringed plateau that towers over the lands around it. It is not the tallest point in the demon world.

Demons have elemental affinities that also define certain weaknesses. A demon that’s used to the heat and gasses of flowing magma would have difficulties in the colder parts of the world, or fighting against a demon or creature who uses a lot of freezing attacks.

There are many places in their realm that even Demons refrain from going, or simply cannot. One such area is a vast frozen land in the far northeast that drops to temperatures low enough that even demons that are developed for icy area’s cannot survive without magical assistance. However, this also makes the area a great place for criminals and the exiled to live should they be able to fight the cold. Demons and such that failed to pass the test of the cold are frequently found encased in the tall, pointed ice spires that jut from the ground- trapped in an unending preservation until the end of days.

There’s a massive crater in one part of the world, in the land Mammon governs, that’s referred to as the ‘Fear Pit’. It’s the aftermath of a massive battle between two demons, and the entire area is cursed with illusions that prey on your fears. It gets worse the closer you are to the bottom. Demons occasionally travel to test their own resolve, though few ever make it to the center- usually opting to turn back before their fear drives them mad.

Beelzebub dislikes thunder because it sounds similar to some sounds he heard in the war

Demon’s are immortal only in that time cannot destroy them, They can still die from wounds and even disease.

Not all demons can speak human languages. There’s plenty in the Devildom/Hell who’ve never set foot in the human realm and have never bothered to learn the realms languages.

On that note, there are more than a few specific demonic dialects spoken in the devildom. The Avatars and most high nobility are required to be fluent in the most common 3 demonic languages.

Demons who came to the Devildom by falling from the Celestial Realm are not considered ‘true demons’, and many have challenged the Avatars solely because of their origins

Demons may have pacts with multiple humans. If a demon who has more than one pact is ordered to do something by multiple pact holders, the demon will obey whoever has the strongest bond with them OR the orders will cancel each other out.

Many species found in the Devildom/Hell and the Celestial Realm are not exclusive to one or the other- dragons and unicorns are found in both, for example, but with different traits and personalities. Dragons in the Devildom are ugly things that spit an acidic venom, while those in the Celestial Realm are sleek and able to shoot blasts of fire from their throats. Some creatures remain the same in each realm, but are referred to by different names. Many mythic creatures from every human culture can be found in both the Devildom and Celestial realm

Though their human forms look rather perfect, everyone who fought in the Celestial War bears a great number of physical scars, some of which affect their human guise as well

Belphegor's right eye is completely blind in all his forms. He tends to hide it in his human appearance because it’s sometimes seen as a weakness by other demons who might try to challenge him. He has the most trouble with demon’s attempting to fight him because he’s often seen as the weakest Avatar due to his sleeping habits and general outward appearance. This is, of course, a massive mistake.

Belphegor frequently wraps his tail around himself (like a hug) for comfort- particularly when he’s alone

Belphegor’s horseshoe was broken during a fight with a demon who wanted to challenge his title/status.

Demons don't usually bury their dead because many simply disappear upon death. How they disappear depends on their primary sin (Wrath erupts in a blast of fire)

Leviathan changes the order of the smiley pins on his clothes depending on his mood (green for happy/content, yellow for neutral, red for angry/upset)

Satan dislikes chocolate

Demons are practically infertile. Children born naturally (human standard) are extremely rare. As such, all demon children are cherished and protected by modern demonic societies as a whole, and intending to harm one is punished harshly.

Lucifer may have birthed Satan from rage, but a demon can create another being from any emotion so long as it’s powerful enough (love, envy, etc). This is much more common than the physical way of creating children. The offspring will generally exhibit whatever emotion spawned them and will behave accordingly to whoever the emotion was directed at. After their birth, they grow very fast until they appear 10-15 years old, and their growth slows immensely.

A specific ritual is required for a demon( or angel) and human to crossbreed with each other, as they are completely different species. It would be like trying to cross a dog with a giraffe. These births are always extremely dangerous for the human mother. There are a few exceptions to this, such as Incubi/Succubi but successful crossbreeding is still extremely rare.

The older a demon is, the more horrific their true forms are. Anyone who has existed before the Celestial War is referred to as an ‘Ancient/Old World’ demon. Those born after and those who fell are considered ‘New Age/Modern’ demons. There are a handful of creatures referred to as ‘Primordials’. These beings are neither demons nor angels, but are immensely powerful and are very secretive. Not much is known about any of them, and they rarely show themselves. They also rarely partake in the social/political conflicts of the three realms. They did not have a presence in the Celestial War.

These titles have no bearing on how civilised someone may be.

There are technically four realms known. The Celestial, Devildom, and Human realms are commonly spoken about but the fourth realm is known as ‘Oblivion’ and isn’t so much a world as it is multitudes of platforms floating throughout a nebula. It’s useless overall but is used as a prison and punishment for the worst of demonkind. Few have ever made it out, but those that have come back a blubbering, maddened shell of who they were. Diavolo and Barbatos both are capable of opening a portal to it.

All demons/Fallen have the capability to return to a monstrous form, but Ancient demons have a particularly difficult time making themselves look human again (some Ancient’s are incapable of returning at all). New Age demons are able to transform much more freely, but if the transformation is brought on by strong negative emotion (rage, fear, or a physical reaction such as pain), it takes much longer to change back

The final stage of demonic courtship involves seeing each other's truest self. This display is a form of trust in the highest regard, the goal being total acceptance of each other. It should never be taken lightly. Not every couple goes through this, but those that do form a deeply personal and permanent bond.

A demon in full form is rare outside battle, though some choose to remain in their appearance as a way of showing off.

Some demons (nobility and such) have several forms outside of their human/humanoid guises

Demons are compelled to chew on things. There are several businesses specializing in ‘demon chew toys’. Gnawing on these can release both stress and anxiety and also helps maintain healthy teeth.

Demons shed their horns, scales, teeth and fur, and will often use these shed materials in their own clothing, jewelry, and other such items. Shedding season differs for every demon- it happens to some every half year, year, couple years, or even centuries. Being given an item made from a demon’s shed is considered a personal gift

Demons can tell the basic emotional state of any human they have a pact with. Whether they react to it or care is another story.

Despite the common opinion that the Devildom doesn’t have a sun, the sky brightens every 3 human world days thanks to the passing of a dwarf star. However, it would be a mistake to believe that the demon world is devoid of light without it! There are plenty of natural light sources that provide the lands with a way to see (for those without night vision), such as glowing crystals and mushrooms, magma, etc.

The Devildom’s planet’s core burns hotter than ours, which counteracts how cold it would be otherwise (though it’s still quite chilly in many parts of the planet)

When Diavolo ordered that no human be harmed in the Devildom again, he also banned all media portraying humans as prey. These books, videos, and movies are now sold on the black markets and hoarded by those who disagree with Diavolo

[beelspillowpet]

A Lesson in Love - A “Character Analysis” on Asmodeus

I had to come for the tracks, wigs, and weaves of bitches when Pomade dropped because I saw people talking shit about my boy. This was a milestone “project” or “reward” I guess?

I hit 400 followers today while I was out running errands!!! Thank you guys SO SO MUCH for the love and support! I can’t WAIT to produce more content for everyone!!!

Below the cut there WILL BE talk of season 3, as well as some talk of chapter 16. There’s a healthy amount of theorizing on his personality as well, I hope you don’t mind! This came out more like a plea to get people to change their minds about how Asmo really is, rather than a comprehensive essay of sorts. So here we go!

There’s something we apparently still need to talk about in this fanbase. The unrealistic idea of Asmodeus being a sex freak, and an unreliable person in general despite there being little proof of it. We need to set a few things straight about Asmo moving forward.

December 25th rolled around and Asmo’s audio drama and song were released. I take it everyone enjoyed both parts, as well as I did. My timeline both on twitter and tumblr were filled with Asmodeus content, as well as the other brothers and such. But I mostly got Asmo content. However, in peeks and cracks, if I looked hard enough, I still saw people who absolutely loathed Asmo or who were indifferent to him. Keep in mind; I think it’s okay. You don’t have to like everyone.

I’ve only joined the fanbase in September, but even I could tell some of these takes were old fashioned. I downloaded the game on October 17th, a very important anniversary for me, while I 

was still in bed in the morning. I blazed through the entire story of season 1 and now I am stuck in season 2, specifically in Chapter 24. I obviously don’t have every card of Asmodeus with his Devilgrams, but I have been analyzing his character over the past few days for this.

So needless to say, I have a considerable amount of information on him, as well as personal thoughts that may help some learn to love him. Or at the very least, from spreading a negative idea of him around as if it were true. Enough that should help clear his name, so to speak.

Let’s look at his title; Avatar of Lust. Now naturally the thoughts that come to your head are sex and other sexual bits. So I can understand how some people would come to the conclusion that he’s just a sex freak. But if you look under the surface of his title, like I’m sure you’ve had to for your own personal favorites (*cough* Lucifer, Belphie, and Satan ESPECIALLY) you would discover that Asmodeus is more than just about sex. In fact, sex takes up very little of his pass time, if you were to believe it!

In recent chapters, as I’ve been told, Asmodeus doesn’t really get around much anyways:

Granted, this was said while in Celestia, but I imagine not much has changed for him since his fall, as well as his brothers.

Not really comfortable being with just anyone, huh…? Sounds like someone who doesn’t have sex so warily often as you’d think!

Being lustful can come in many shapes and forms. It can be merely in appearance, which Asmo is not afraid of doing. He’s very comfortable about skinship and it’s very apparent in how he dresses and acts that he wants you to adore his body. To worship it! Maybe not sexually, but aesthetically! Being lustful can mean just thinking about sex or sexual scenarios often, which if you take a peek at Asmo’s chat’s either with you or his brothers, is very apparent too.

Personally, I believe that people would assume he is not good in a relationship because he would have a “cheating problem”. I don’t think Asmo is a monster, just like I don’t think any of the brothers are monsters. They may be demons (technically fallen angels) now but they used to be angels too. Their falling out with their Father doesn’t mean they’ve completely abandoned morality, it was a rebellion for Lilith’s right to live. Not for them to sin as they pleased. For all we know they might have been fine in Heaven otherwise! (with the exception of Lucifer.)

A monster knows right from wrong and chooses evil anyways. An ignorant person doesn’t know right from wrong. Asmodeus is not a monster, nor is he ignorant.

When Asmo genuinely loves you, I think he would take steps to calm down that side of him, if it were to exist. Lust is fairly limited, but it is a part of love to some extent. LOVE is vastly different. Love has many languages, and they aren’t all spoken either. For me, personally, I found that Lucifer’s love language can be either very direct, or roundabout so as to not let it go to your head, for an example. Asmo is just far more direct about his care for you.

I feel as though Asmo gets a lot of crap constantly for his presumed nature and because we don’t get to see much else of him at first, especially in season 1, his impression on us sort of stays. With most of the fanbase either somewhat new to the game or somewhere lost in the sea of the difficulty curve that is season 2, we can only assume based on what we’ve seen, and what others have headcanoned about him.

Let’s break and talk about Satan for a moment; this is going somewhere.

I’m led to believe that Satan can control his sin fairly well. He’s easy to get irritated, sure, but he isn’t as much of a walking ball of rage as I suspected. I would argue that, aside from Leviathan, Satan can handle his sin the best out of the brothers. But again, we’re forgetting about Asmo. The Avatar of “Lust”. Like I’ve shown before, he doesn’t really sleep around a lot, according to anon.

At worst, Asmo being flirty is through text and he’s not actively trying to sleep with you. It can be interpreted that way, but for me personally, it comes down to having a friend that is very up close and in your personal space.

(I myself am one of these types of people. Having ADHD, my social cues are always sort of off, and I’ve struggled with coping with it for years. With my best friend, we have seen each other naked countless times and have slept in the same bed as well. We were never romantic with each other. We were just very comfortable being close and personal with each other.)

I’d like to point out also that Asmo isn’t even there for most of season 1 too. Which can give you the idea that maybe he just was out sleeping around a lot, but to me he probably just went out partying a lot. You don’t get known that fast for sleeping around. Maybe in 5,000 years, sure, but I’d imagine being a party boy, as his Devilgram “Guided by Desire” suggests.

So the idea that Asmo isn’t in the house a lot because he’s out having sex all the time isn’t true is it? He’s probably just out partying, which can LEAD to sex with someone sure, but again, Asmo doesn’t feel comfortable doing that, now does he?

I feel like of all the boys, Asmo is the one who radiates with everyone else the most. Most people will never realize how surreal it is that Asmo is faking it until he makes it. He doesn’t always think he’s beautiful, or that he’s worth all the love he’s striving and straining to get. Something that is extremely relatable for a lot of people with self-worth issues. Asmo is just like that, but instead being sarcastic and self-deprecating, he simply works to make himself look as beautiful as possible, so that in his eyes, his beauty matches the affection he gets.

Which is why, when he falls in love with you, it’s strange. You are constantly telling him he’s nice and pretty, but you aren’t lusting after him. You’re just being nice. It may just be me, but when people are overly nice just for the sake of being nice, I’m very attracted to that. That is Asmo, to some extent. The fact that he reflects the insecurities and habits of others so clearly may make others uncomfortable, but that brutal honesty veiled behind insecurity is what a lot of people with self-image issues deal with.

Now for me to share my favorite personal idea for Asmo that completely changed how I saw him in season 1 onwards; Asmodeus is an empath. Now let me explain:

First, what is an Empath?

The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective. Seems simple, right? Everyone can do this to some extent. However, what makes you an empath is the fact that empaths genuinely feel the same pain as you do. So much so your experience becomes a very personal part of their own. They are capable of being able to feel other people’s emotions without them speaking, or even showing signs of it through their body language.

This would explain, for me personally, why there’s so little of him in season 1. The intensity of what goes on in the house, his sensitive soft-spoken mannerisms, the only time he truly gets mad is when he’s childishly arguing with Mammon? Asmo is afraid of true conflict, he’s afraid of violence and negative emotions. Let’s face it; everyone is indifferent or hates you at the start of the game.

While this changes fairly quickly, all the intense feelings come to a head in chapter 16. All those negative emotions swirling around, of course Asmo isn’t going to want to be in the house when it’s that intense. The attic didn’t just disappear completely, too. Belphie was still in the attic hating humans. That negative emotion could be affecting Asmo and he didn’t know why, so he could have been out of the house more.

Where Asmo can feel the emotions of others, it may mostly be the negative ones because they fill him with anxiety and panic if it persists. Which can be helpful in making him so urgent to want to make others smile and feel better, right?

Imagine being intimate with Asmodeus, and suddenly you aren’t in the mood for it anymore but don’t want to make things awkward. He could pick up on it in an instant and wouldn’t get mad because he understands how you feel completely.

Now to close this out about something that genuinely hurts me; Asmodeus is a narcissist.

I mean, the wiki says that he is, but personally? No, no he isn’t. Since when is loving yourself a bad thing? Sure he may go a bit far sometimes, but people with self-image issues need to go a little harder than the rest to make sure they're getting the love they need.

(Talking about myself AGAIN, but I do this a lot. At random, I will look up in my own mirror in front of my desk that I sit in front of all day and tell myself I am a cute bitch. I am VERY VERY cute and anyone would be lucky to have someone as drop dead gorgeous as myself. I say that a few times a day. In reality, I am very insecure about my looks. I do believe I’m cute, but sometimes it’s hard to say it. Which is why I force myself. Why wouldn’t Asmo do the same?)

Talking yourself up to be as beautiful as a sex god is no easy task, but Asmo isn’t the Avatar of “Lust” for no reason. When an insecure girl talks up her beauty, it’s her being strong and independent. When Asmo does it, its narcissism… it doesn’t really seem fair, now does it? Maybe he’s just an insecure person who needs to tell himself ALL THE TIME that he’s beautiful. That if he stares at his reflection long enough, he may see it too.

(Also, Simeon literally calls him out on being insecure. Insecure people tend to try and overcompensate where they feel they’re lacking.)

”Asmodeus is hinted to be insecure and seeking for love and attention. When Simeon was asked about what he thought of Asmodeus, he says that Asmodeus is still trying to fulfill the role of the angel he used to be; an angel that was adored and loved by many. Asmodeus laughs at Simeon's remark and brushes it off by saying that he is only jealous.” - A section from said Asmodeus Wiki.

People can choose to love or hate Asmo, obviously. Making things up about his character without having anything but speculation and having that dictate how he acts is plain silly. This entire “essay” if you can call it that, comes from the heart. I love Asmo as a character, and in the beginning he did make me uncomfortable, I didn’t like him that much. But I learned to look past that and figure out why he acts the way he does. Something didn’t sit right with me about him for a while, and it was that air of insecurity that I didn’t see at first.

All I can really ask for, is giving Asmo another chance as a character. He’s not as wild and wacky as Mammon, or as cool and sexy as Lucifer, or as edgy and precious as Belphie, but he matters in this story too. He fell from grace with his brothers for Lilith. Give him another chance, and let him show you that he is the Avatar of Love.

[bittermuire]

A (long) analysis of Azriel,

+ a bit of discussion about Gwynriel vs. Elriel at the end.

Lately I’ve seen much discussion surrounding Azriel, and there seems to be a lot of hazy gray area. We know he has a terrible past, carries a lot of trauma, is both mentally and physically scarred, and has disturbingly possessive habits. But why? That’s the question.

I think most of Azriel’s character can be filtered into three sections: his anger, his possessiveness, and his self-loathing. Altogether I believe these form his crippling sense of emotional immaturity, which ultimately shines through most every action he makes in the books.

So yes, I firmly believe Az is a child in the body of a 500 year old Fae. But is he treated as such? No. No, he is not. In fact, he’s treated as the exact opposite, and that can’t be doing wonders for his mental health (which is already in shambles. Off to a cheery start.)

Let’s take a look at his past. He was both mentally and physically abused for the majority of his childhood. Then he was thrown into an unforgiving culture that both mentally and physically abused him as well. Then he was essentially bullied by Cassian and Rhysand for quite a while... until they randomly decided to like him, which is a choice he didn’t seem to play a hand in. And then he became a professional torturer. All the while falling madly in love and becoming obsessed with a female who can’t love him back. Not to mention he’s been ostracized his entire life.

(One big thing though, that I’m going to reference frequently, is Azriel’s constant chase of “happiness.” Kind of like my friends with ADHD. We squeeze all the serotonin we can get out of one thing and then fall into a listless, depressed haze until we find another. I honestly think Azriel does the same thing with people--he latches onto them and lets his mood swings rely on how much attention they do or do not pay him, and whether it is positive or negative.)

So I’m going to go through his relationships with pivotal characters and try to explain what I think is really going on with Azriel.

Regarding Mor:

He was obsessed with her for most of his life. He was incredibly possessive of her and fell instantly in love upon seeing her. Do I think it was love? No. But does Azriel think it was love? Yes, and that is so important. It shows how desperate he was for human connection.

This “love” spiraled into centuries-long obsession that we’ve all seen play out throughout the series. But why is it obsession, and not love? Well, I’m going to go ahead and say that Azriel doesn’t know how to love. He’s never been shown genuine love and so he doesn’t know how to show it to others in the way he intends. He’s basically a baby.

But right after he falls head over heels, Mor sleeps with Cassian, and then Cassian plays the role of the buffer between the two of them all the way up until the events of ACOSF. This is where I think Azriel’s anger comes into play. He can’t get to Mor. His best friend, his brother, is blocking him from her. He can’t touch her, love her, feel her, and he’s so desperate to. But he literally has no way to communicate it because he doesn’t know how, and so he responds in the one way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. And intense protectiveness that eventually begins to translate as possessiveness.

Again, he lets his happiness rely on Mor because he can’t make himself happy, and so his lack of emotional maturity ends up revealing him as desperate and unable to communicate his feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I’m not trying to justify his behavior, not at all. But I think this could be a decent explanation.

Regarding Cassian and Rhysand:

I mean... I kind of hate the way these two have treated Azriel. They all have their fair share of trauma, but Cassian and Rhys also bullied him and ostracized him, and then basically said, “Oh, we like you now.” Which completely leaves Azriel in the dark as to where he stands with them, and strips him of awareness regarding how his friendships with them will operate.

And then he becomes the head of espionage for the Night Court, which involves lots and lots of torture. What kind of message does that send? You’ve seen dirty things, Az, so you don’t mind doing the rest of the dirty things for us, right? That’s the only real message I can get from this. Which then plants the message in Azriel’s head of: Not only do I do dirty things, I myself am a dirty, disgusting thing. Thus, furthering his already deep-seated sense of self-loathing.

Plus, the IC generally operates with a pack-like mindset. One person’s method of healing is everyone’s method of healing. It worked for one person, so it worked for everyone. It’s a very naive mindset, and very toxic as well, so it’s not surprising that literally everyone in the IC is colossally messed up despite preaching themselves as having overcome their demons.

So Azriel never really gets to understand himself and mature as a person. He’s stuck pretending to be perfectly fine underneath Rhysand’s oh-so-benevolent and compassionate hand. Rhysand and Cassian recognize Az as being a little... odd, by seeming to think things like “he’s the quiet one” and “he’s the serious, scary one.” But do they attempt to understand him? No. They leave him to his own devices and let him figure it out himself.

That’s the issue. He’s not ever going to figure it out himself, so long as he’s surrounded by the people who’ve been unwittingly suffocating him for most of his life.

Regarding Elain:

Azriel’s infatuation with Elain, in my opinion, comes as a direct result of his detachment from Mor. Just like one hyperfixation fades quickly from an all-consuming thing to a passing thought, Azriel has shifted from one obsession to the next, in order to keep his spirits on a high.

But I think his feelings for Elain reveal a lot of what Mor did not. Why does he view Elain as so holy compared to him? Why is he so hesitant to touch her? Why does he put her on such a pedestal? That’s his self-loathing coming through again. He hates himself so much that he has to place her above him.

He wants to touch her and love her, just as he did with Mor, but again he is unable. It's a repeating pattern that he can’t get himself out of.

Let’s also look at the way Elain and Azriel’s friendship/relationship began. He had to take care of her, and treat her with utmost respect. She looked at his scars or his siphons, both monstrous looking things, and called them beautiful. Let’s remember that he’s basically a child who’s rarely known genuine love. The minute he gets a glimpse of it, he’s going to grab it by the neck and crush it to his chest. Plus, the fact that she’s the last sister left unattached and he’s the last brother left unattached is probably even more convincing for him that he and Elain are meant for each other. When he’s denied this love that’s come nearly close enough to grab, he responds in the only way he’s able: anger. And jealousy. Just like he did with Mor.

But moving on, that glimpse of potential love comes from Elain. That’s why he’s able to let go of Mor; a relationship with Elain suddenly becomes possible. He’s terrified of ruining this potential love and is incredibly drawn to her all the same. Best of all? She wants him too.

BUT. Azriel knows how fragile Elain is, so he walks on glass around her, coddling her, putting her first like he’s put everyone else first since being a part of the IC. I think he wants to save her from becoming like him. He essentially plays the role of her white knight, entirely losing his sense of self-preservation (not that he ever had one), and thus loses any chance of letting Elain help him mature in return.

Regarding Gwyn:

Now, Gwyn is a different story.

We know Azriel likes her. Maybe not in a consciously romantic way, but he likes her. She makes him smile and laugh, and he finds her amusing. He doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around her.

The big thing, I think, is that he doesn’t have to take care of her. At least, I think that’s what makes him so comfortable around her. With Gwyn, he can relax, and he doesn’t have to watch every move he makes. She treats him like a regular person and he treats her similarly.

Now, is it a bad thing that he doesn’t put her on a saint-like pedestal like he does Elain? No. Definitely not. I think this ordinary friendship signals a much healthier relationship than his festering obsession with Elain. Gwyn simply being his friend and not someone that he feels he has to be perfect for is a good foundation for Azriel growing as a person.

Gwynriel vs. Elriel (the necklace):

Honestly, I’m scared for whatever SJM decides to do, because Azriel has a shitload of trauma to move past and years worth of emotional growth needed before he can be a steady partner in a relationship. Both Gwyn and Elain’s character arcs are definitely not finished and so I think that no matter which way his narrative goes, it’s going to be disappointing in some aspect or another, unfortunately. I don’t think that either one of the females’ arcs really fit well with Azriel’s.

But I’m going to take a closer look at the necklace, because I think it’s a telling narrative point.

For Azriel, the necklace for Elain and Gwyn herself, are both “thing[s] of secret, lovely beauty” to him.

By describing the necklace for Elain as such (instead of Elain herself), Azriel unconsciously reveals his more idealistic view of Elain rather than his love for Elain herself. I kind of get the sense of Azriel giving offerings to a goddess, or something like that. He seems to be more preoccupied with appeasing Elain than actually loving her.

Now, this probably comes from, again, his self-loathing and his emotional immaturity. I’m just repeating myself at this point. He doesn’t know how to love himself and he doesn’t know how to love anyone else.

But then he describes Gwyn as such. Gwyn, the person. In my opinion, this demonstrates a potentially much healthier relationship than what he has with Elain. Azriel, instead of wanting to be perfect for Gwyn and wanting to appease her, is simply made happy by the thought of her. It is Gwyn whom he is taken with, not the idea of Gwyn loving him. And so that takes off so much pressure for him, and introduces the hope that he might be able to mature as a person in a friendship or romantic relationship with Gwyn.

Closing thoughts:

Azriel is a blundering, hormonal child desperate for love with no idea of how to get it, in a 500 year old Fae’s body. He’s also surrounded by people who refuse to address his clear issues... his future’s pretty dim, and I think he realizes it. Which is why whoever SJM chooses to be his romantic interest is going to be very important.

In short, I’m scared for what’s to come. But fingers crossed that his incredibly complex character is done justice.

[sunshineandcybertronians]

Enchanted - Smokescreen x reader (TFP)

Word Count: 2,272

Warnings: None

A/N: I wrote this about two year ago after seeing fireflies one night and it made me think of ‘Enchanted’ by Taylor Swift

~

"So these are humans?" Smokescreen asked when he walked into the base the first time and saw you and the other three humans.

"Hi," you smiled and waved. There was something about the rookie that made you smile, happy, and at ease.

"Hi," he waved back and returned the smile.

"Oh, tour!" Miko jumped up. You drooped knowing that she'd get to spend more time with the new Cybertronian. Then she looked over at Bulkhead and seemed to remember that she wanted to be there for him while he was healing, as well as his negative emotions to believing that he may be replaced. "Actually, (Y/n) offers a very informative tour

You perked up and felt flustered when he looked to you expectantly. "Of course! My name is (Y/n), as you just heard since Miko said it," managing to force words out in your nervous and excited state, you walked down the stairs towards the stairs.

"Nice name," he beamed, "I'm Smokescreen."

A happy laugh escaped you. "It's very nice to meet you, Smokescreen."

That was the first day, the start of something beautiful. You two had immediately clicked and became inseparable. It was a magical first meeting, one that made you quickly open up. Now, you sat in Smokescreen's alt mode, driving on the empty road in the desert at eighty miles per hour.

"So your saying you could go faster?" You responded to his previous statement. You believed him.

"Yep. Should we see just how fast I can go?" The engine revved after his question.

"I don't know. If you do, just make sure you don't get seen by a cop or wipe out."

"Smokescreen," Optimus Prime's voice came through the comm and flooded the air.

"Yes, Optimus?" Smokescreen eagerly responded.

"I would like you to return to base with (Y/n)," he politely, yet sternly commanded. "Since you do not know Earth's rules and human habit, nor what exactly is safe for a human or not, I believe it would be best to not remain out for long. I fear staying out for a such a period of time would put your cover in jeopardy as well as possible put her in danger."

"Yes, sir." He turned off the comm to talk to you. "Aww, I guess we have to go back." He changed direction.

"Maybe it's for the best. You could have lost control and we would have both gotten hurt. If that happened, Optimus wouldn't have been very happy." You shrunk in the seat at the thought of his disappointment.

Smokescreen seem to do the same and sink closer to the pavement. "Yeah... Oh well. Maybe next time I could drive as fast as I can and you could watch on the side of the road."

"Sounds nice, just be careful. I don't want you getting hurt." You placed a hand on the dashboard and the air vents rattled.

You promptly returned to base and spent the rest of the day talking or playing videogames with Smokescreen. Soon, when no one was in the main room besides you two,  you looked at the time and realized it would be dark soon.

"Oh, I didn't know it was this late. I guess I'll need to go home soon," you sighed, not wanted to leave Smokescreen's side.

"Yeah," he typed something into the large console, you were surprised that he knew how to do it since Ratchet typically did it. Although you assumed you shouldn't have been, since it was something common for Cybertronians.

He picked you up, then transformed with you in the seat. He drove through the swirling, glowing vortex, but what you found in front of you wasn't your home. It was a meadow somewhere in the middle of a forest. The door opened and you stepped out to take a better look.

The soft, green grass reached to your waist, with tops of white wildflowers sprinkled into the sea of green. The dark blue twilight light made the scene look deep and mysterious, adding a layer of nighttime beauty. Apparently wherever you were, it was already dark.

"This isn't my home," you said as your eyes scanned the area.

Clicks of rearranging metal cut through the air and next to you Smokescreen now stood on his pedes. "I know," Smokescreen admitted,  sounding slightly nervous like he was worried you'd be upset. "But I read about something that happens this time of year and I wanted to show it to you." You had looked up to him while he was speaking.

At that time, lights flashed in the corner of your eye and you finally noticed the fireflies. They twinkled in and out in the cover of darkness.

"This is beautiful," you breathed.

The trees surrounding you didn't seem scary, but a protection and shield from a harsh world, creating a small pocket world. A place you could enjoy without worrying about the outside world or anything monsters that would normally come for you.

Smokescreen sat down, with you sitting on his leg. In that position you and the white Cybertronian admired the sight in silence. He shifted every now and then, since the mech can't sit still for long. Although he made sure to keep his leg still. A few minutes passed in a comfortable silence.

"Why do they flash like that?" He asked, his optics training the fireflies.

Not wanting to get caught up in the details or ruin the moment, you decided to mystify and explain it like a poem.

"They use the lights to call for and find a friend, or love. They need to find that other firefly before they leave this world." You impressed yourself with your own words.

"Wow." He stared at them again, then his glowing optics met your eyes again. "I'm happy I found my friend."

Your mouth spread into an even bigger smile and your heart fluttered at the sweet words. "Thank you." You hugged him as best you could.

He picked you up gently and held your close to his chassis in attempt to return the hug. When you, to your displeasure, pulled away from his embrace, he set you on his shoulder.

Being there in the beautiful place beside him, with the fireflies twinkling. It felt so perfect, a kind of happiness that makes you fear that something terrible is about to happen. You prayed it that wouldn't happen. The moment reminded you of a song.

"This night is sparkling," you whispered, then laughed,  "and flawless." Smokescreen looked over to you with curiosity and you answered before he could ask, "It's a song."

"Can I hear it?"

"Sure." Within a minute, your phone was playing the song Enchanted by Taylor Swift on Smokescreen's speakers through Bluetooth. The sweet melody drifted through the air and gently settled onto your ears.

There I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles

Same old tired, lonely place

Walls of insincerity

Shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Once you heard her sing that it was enchanting to meet him, you immediately thought of when you met Smokescreen and how you felt.

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"

Across the room your silhouette starts to make its way to me

The playful conversation starts

Counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you

All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

That could describe your meeting very well and your conversations during the tour and after.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

The chorus felt perfect with the night and beauty around you, especially with Smokescreen there. You leaned against him.

The lingering question kept me up

Two a.m., who do you love?

I wonder till I'm wide awake

Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door

I'd open up and you would say, hey

It was enchanting to meet you

All I know is I was, enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go

I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

You caught a firefly that was hovering near you. Lifting your hand to examine it, be lifted its wings and began to fly away. Smokescreen's optics followed it with wonder.

This is me praying that this was the very first page

Not where the story line ends

My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again

These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon

I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

You resisted the urge to hug Smokescreen that was welling up in you, knowing that it might make things weird.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go

I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

"I should go home, but I don't want to leave," you gave a sad smile.

He sighed, "Me neither. But I probably should get you back. Don’t wanna get yelled at for keeping you out too long." After comming someone at the base to bridge you back, he picked you up in his hand and carried you through

Back at home, you paced around your room. Reminiscing about the night. Thinking about the song. The bedroom was dark, the only thing that kept you from tripping was your knowledge of the layout of the room. It was late, but you were restless, mentally and physically. Your mind spun as you thought about Smokescreen. He was so amazing, cool, and energetic. You could easily open up around him and he made you laugh like no one else could. It almost startled you, and yet came as no surprise since the beginning, that you were starting to think of him as more than just a friend.

Maybe it wasn't just now that you were developing this, you just hadn't realized it before. In a way, you knew it would happen and it started the second you saw each other, something about the special magic feeling that was present then. It was simply enchanting to meet him, and you hoped he felt the same way.

You found that you wished he was there, that he'd tell you he felt the same, and that he didn't have some sort of Cybertronian girlfriend before he went into stasis in that escape pod. It was just a daydream, you acknowledged, yet you wanted it to come true.

A sudden knock at the window nearly made you jump out of your skin. Your head jerked to see what made the noise. You made out two blue, comforting, glowing optics. The light from his optics helped to recognize Smokescreen. You rushed over to him.

"What are you doing here?" You asked while opening the window. "My parents might see you."

His optics flickered like it couldn't decide what to focus on as if he was nervous. "Um, I just wanted to ask... did you like the surprise had tonight? With the fireflies?"

"Of course," you nodded.

"Good. I just wanted to ask," he paused while rubbing the back of his neck. His optics flickered to the ground for a second. "Do you... like racing?"

"Um," you were confused by the question and disappointed it wasn't something else. "I guess. That's kind of a random question."

You couldn't have known it, but the rookie was mentally screaming at himself, "Seriously? C'mon! You know you're awesome! Just ask her!" His voice box didn't seem to listen to his processor.

"Do you like being with me?" He mentally facepalmed.

"Yeah!" you immediately  "You're one of my favorite people in the world, and the universe."

His faceplate and optics lit up, but still seemed anxious. His mouth opened, but nothing came out until he finally said quickly, "Doyoulikeme?"

It was dark enough that you hoped it covered the blush creeping onto your face. "Of course, I love being with you. you're my friend."

"No. Like, crush, love," he blurted out without thinking, attempting to clarify. "Do you love me?"

You hoped it was dark enough that he couldn't see the blush creeping onto your face. "What...?"

"Ugh, what was I thinking? She'd never like me back," his voice was filled with frustration.

"You like me, in that way?"

"Oops, I said that out loud?" His optics widened in terror.

"Yes, I like you too. Maybe ever since the beginning, it was enchanting to meet you," you smiled while quoting the song, wishing your arm was long enough to touch his cheek.

He met your gaze with so much happiness and love. The small amount of light reflected off of his armor. "Same here."

It was the second beginning of something beautiful and enchanting.

[romeulusroy]

Peaky Blinders Preference: Being A Youger/New Blinder Calling Them Mom/Dad

Thomas is caught off guard, but he's had a lot of practice masking his emotions. He doesn't say anything about it, doesn't even react, at first you're not even sure he caught you. You count your lucky stars he didn't, wanting to move on as quickly as possible. He doesn't speak of it for a while. Then, when you're alone, he cracks, a smile you find hard to recognize spreading across as he laughs at you. Here he is, your big scary gangster boss, who is feared by many, giggling like a child. You can feel your face burning, and you try to explain yourself, but he doesn't want to hear it. He knows it was a funny mistake, an accident, a force of habit. But, being both an older brother and the one in charge, he feels obliged to pick on you a little. He keeps it between you, thankfully, but you know he'll never forget about it, nor let you live it down.

Arthur is initially shocked. Really, he's completely caught off guard. It takes a minute for it to click, and a minute for you to realize what you'd just said, completely mortified. You try to backtrack, to fixit, but you know Arthur has already ran with it. You get the jokes, the mocking, the laughter and humiliation. You swear you see a tear run down his cheek as he giggles to himself, hunched over, trying to catch his breath. As an oldest sibling in his family, he picks on his siblings, finding their embarassing moments absolutely hilarious. You might not be a Shelby, but you're a Blinder, and that's close enough. It doesn't matter how long it's been, or how unfunny you might think it is, he never grows tired of it. Everyone's heard how you called him Dad one time. You made sure never to say it again, not wanting to add fuel to the flames.

John doesn't even bat an eye. The name goes right over his head. He doesn't stop what he's doing, he doesn't look up, he merely sends you off as if nothing happened, drowning in his own work, not wanting to be distracted any longer. Outnumbered by his own gang of kids, he hears Dad more times than he count, especially when they're all saying it at once. Whining, or fighting with one another, after they've broken or spilled something. It's not an out of place thing for him to hear. Doesn't matter who's voice it is that's saying it, too. The family even tested it out, all of them calling him that through out the day in various pitches and tones. He even responded when Arthur said it doing his best extea-deep voice. You're grateful it doesn't turn into a joke or something he catches. You're embarassed enough, you don't need anyone else adding on to it. You slip up a few times, out of habit, but like the first time, he waves it off.

Ada rolls her eyes, moving on without another word. She's used to not being taken as seriously as her brothers, especially when it comes to Blinder business. Newbies are just the same, regardless of how much time they've spent on the job. Anytime she's giving the orders, it's never taken as seriously, often involving eye rolls and whispers, commenting on how they should go find their "real" bosses. When questioned by anyone else, they deny until their faces are blue. Many learn fadt not to do so, and not because they're scared of the boys, but because they're scared of facing angry Ada. A lot of Blinders slip up because they're not used to being told what to do by a woman. It's uncommon. She doesn't want to acknowledge it any further, knowing the jokes/mocking between the older ones who haven't learned their lesson yet will only worsen.

Finn tries to come back at you with a joke or a name. You called him that out of annoyance, accompanied by an eye roll or a jab to his side, something to show how eone you were with him and his superiority complex. You were new to the Blinders gang, but you weren't stupid and you weren't naive. There's a reason you were let in. Infact, sometimes you thought you were better at it than him, despite your short time working within it. Finn thought those were the same things, though. He gets an ego about a lot of things, especially when he's put in charge of you. He bosses you around like a little kid, using you more as an intern than a partner, despite being so close in age, often rewording the instructions you were given in simpler terms so you'd understand. You call him Dad to annoy him, but now it's become a part of your vocabulary, you don't even catch yourself doing it sometimes. At this point, neither does he.

Michael stops dead in his tracks. He can't help the face he makes, one of shock and a little bit of embarrassment. It's just not something he's used to hearing, or expecting to hear, especially not by a Blinder. He's been called a lot of names, a lot, most of them negative or crude, but never Dad. You didn't even realize. You were just taking orders, being told what to do, and as you walked out of the shop, you let it slip, the same way you often said "I love you" as you were hanging up the phone even to strangers. You booked it, realizing what you said, leaving him to deal with the jokes and mocking from his family. He's not sure how to bring it up. Michael isn't flustered often, nor is he stunned, but this really caught him off guard. He doesn't say anything about it, but you're extra careful about what you say around him, and avoid him for a few days after.

Polly has heard it just about a million times, especially from new, young Blinders. There's a running joke when you join them you automatically get another mother. Not only does she take care of business, but you'll get a lecture about a crooked cap or an untucked shirt, about saying please and thank you, no elbows on the table, even dating advice when you need it. At first, the name would have hurt her. She never let it show, but it was a reminder of her past, her mistakes, losing her children. Now, though, after so many slip ups, she almost expects it at one point or another with newbies. You apologize profusely, totalky embarassed, but she waves it off with an endearing smile and a head shake. In a way, she does see all of you as her kids. Stupid, reckless, impulsive, just like her own. In need of direction, of someone, most of the time her, to tell you to get your head on straight and make the right decisions.

Alfie just gives up. With a sigh and a shake of the head, he moves on without another word. You're helping him on a job with a couple other Blinders. He doesn't mind having to work with the new Blinders, doesn't even mind the young ones who look ten years younger than they are, but being called Dad at least once on the job is becoming more and more normal. Unfortunately. By the time you join, and slip up, all he does is shrug it off. He doesn't bring it up, he doesn't even act like he heard you. You know it's unprofessional, and that Alfie has a lot of people afraid of him for a reason, so you try to apologize. He doesn't mind though, explaining he knows it's a mistake and that it happens more often than you'd think. You're still embarassed, watching what you say, but you definitely say it a few more times. The jokes, the perspective, the way he acts, Alfie does and says everything every embarassing, out of date dad does.

[sorryimanon]

Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki x fem!Reader, Izuku Midoriya x NB!Reader

Warnings: some angst, FLUFF, and our boys being the best boys.

In which they comfort you after a rough day or week

A/N: im sorry if Izukus section is shorter than Bakugou’s. trying to practice writing other characters. enjoy!

Saturday's are reserved strictly by the majority of the girls from class 1-A, leaving the guys to hibernate inside their dorms as they allow the commencement of girls night. You've never rain checked nor rejected the idea of spending  quality time with your friends, considering all the tribe's and trepidation's everyone has endured together during their time at the academy. It's nice to just strip away the stress and dip your toes in pure relaxation.

Unfortunately, you woke up with a bad case of cloudy thoughts. For the past week you've been carrying the weight of dread, causing your mood to drastically change throughout the day. You'd be having a civil conversation with someone one minute and then the next minute you're completely irritated by their presence. You've tried to balance it out and fix it overnight with the regimes you researched on the internet. A new sleeping schedule, healthier diet, yoga, and even went to the extreme of writing in a journal. It was all so cut throat and prestigious, nothing close to your liking. Katsuki made fun of you for it one day when he snuck into your room and read the many inscriptions in your journal entries.

"This stuff reminds of Deku. Always shoving his nose in that stupid notebook of his," he didn't care much to hear your refutes about Izuku. "Anyways, what's with all this depressing shit you are writing? You don't really feel this way do you?"

You didn't give him a definite answer that day. Only a curt "no" and he resumed rambling about his day like nothing happened, having you listening with his voice like white noise going in one ear and out the other.

And that's how it went on throughout the duration of the prior week before Saturday.

Inside the confinement of your dorm, you made the rational decision to sleep in instead of attending classes. The chilling thoughts kept you up all night, never once allowing sleep to take full throttle. You tossed and turned around on your bed, unable to shut off your brain. So when you woke up in the peak of late afternoon, you weren't surprised to see the unread messages on your phone. All of them were from your explosive boyfriend.

King Explosion🤍: Oi you running late? Mr.Sleepy head is taking roll call

King Explosion🤍: y/n where tf r u?

King Explosion🤍: fine don't answer me ig

King Explosion🤍: are you at least coming down for lunch? i made curry last night and imma make you finish it

King Explosion🤍: fking hurry before dunce face eats it

King Explosion🤍: nvm he ate it 😐

Katsuki never intended for the message to be funny. He's probably blowing actual steams of smoke through his nostrils and ears while chasing kamanari amongst the halls. The comical imagery made you laugh harder. At least he made you crack a smile. You haven't shown any emotions let alone a hint of enthusiasm for tonight.

Maybe it'd be best to sit this one out.

"Hey, we're missing a person! Where's my y/n?" Mina asked after scanning the group of girls huddled around on the carpeted floor.

Momo shifted uncomfortably on the cushioned pillow she stole from the couch. "Y/N said she wasn't feeling too well to join us for tonight. Something about food poisoning and throwing up every hour."

In unison all the girls gasped, along with a concerned 'ribbit' from Tsuyu.

"Well I hope she gets to feeling better. I wouldn't want her to endure such sickness for much longer," Tsuyu croaked out.

Everyone in the circle agreed and promised to pay a visit later in the night to check on you.

On the fourth floor, Katsuki stared blankly at his phone, hands shaking due to the repressed anger he's been holding. Each of the messages he sent previously were all left on read, including the one he sent an hour ago asking if he could have a cuddle session with you before girls night. Yes, even an ill tempered guy such as him enjoys sappy shit like cuddling. After pacing back and forth in his room for a solid 5 minutes, he was now dead set on confronting you in front of your friends.

Katsuki made a beeline for the elevator and aggressively pressed the 1st floor button repeatedly in hopes it'll make the process go quicker. He reached the commons area in precision time, overhearing the girls giggle after someone suggested playing truth or dare. He towered over Uraraka's figure, casting a demonic shadow version of himself in the circle. Hagakure shrieked and clung onto Jirou.

"Where's y/n you extras?" He demanded, voice deafening the brunette under him.

"She didn't come tonight. She's in her dorm room sick," Jirou explained to him as she tried pry the invisible girl off her arm.

"Like hell she's sick!" Katsuki spun around quickly and retreated back to the elevator, mumbling obscenities under his breath. "She's going to pay for being so careless and irresponsible."

The commons room fell silent once the explosive blonde disappeared behind the doors of the elevator, all eyes searching each other in complete shock. Uraraka was the first to speak out of the small group.

“Should we warn y/n that Bakugou is coming for her?”

Jirou averted her gaze to the direction bakugou left off from, a ghost of a smirk spreading on her face.

“Nah. Knowing y/n, she can handle the asshole on her own.”

King Explosion🤍: can i come over? i wanna cuddle, i miss u

The text message kept flashing behind your eyes every-time you closed them - a sad image of Katsuki waiting impatiently for you to reply back with a heart or one of those unusual memes he unapologetically adores. You knew he’d be furious, no doubt about it, but you rationalized your decision and concluded it would be best to avoid your boyfriend like the plague till this undesired feeling dissipates. Katsuki doesn’t do well with people being emotional, let alone handle his own emotions for god’s sake.

Your own thoughts were interrupted by someone raping the outside of your door. The continuous knocks made your head spin, a painful sting ghosting back and forth between your eyes. Remembering back to an hour ago, you messaged one of the girls that you weren’t going to make it to tonight’s session. Surely they respected your wishes and continued on with their hangout? But you forgot about the one person who’s persistent and stubborn like a cat.

“I know you’re in there y/n! You may have fooled your idiotic friends with a lie, but you keep on forgetting you’re terrible at lying!” Katsuki hollers against the wood of the door, not once being considerate of those living above her.

He’s right. You’re absolutely horrible at making up excuses for yourself. Dating someone as intuitive as him will be the death of you.

“If there’s something going can you at least let me in? You can’t ignore me forever y/n.”

Again, he’s right.

You slipped out from the comfort of your bed and padded towards the door, mentally preparing for the blonde to scold you once he enters your room. What you weren’t prepared for was the tears swelling up in the ducts of his vermillion eyes - his hands clenched tightly into fists as he looked down at you. Your breathing hitched when his arm outstretched to rest on the door frame to keep his trembling body steady.

“What the hell y/n? Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?! Did I do something wrong?!” He asked, not caring about his current appearance.

You grab ahold of his other arm and absentmindedly started rubbing it affectionately, trying to coax him into calming down. “Katsuki no! You didn’t do anything wrong! Why would you think that?”

“Because dumbass, you’ve been distant this past week,” he paused, choking on his words. “Are...are you breaking up with me?”

Your eyes shot up instantly at his horrifying assumption. “Katsuki, if I tell you the truth, will you promise not to make things worse for me?”

He tilted his head in confusion, but nodded once you led him into your messy bedroom. Once inside, your boyfriend plopped down on your bed, watching intently as you anxiously bit down on your nails - a nervous habit you picked up at the beginning of the school year.

“I’ve been feeling weird lately. Ever since the beginning of last week. I don’t know how to describe it but, my brain is constantly feeding into my already negative state. Telling me things I know aren’t true but I’ve convinced myself they are. Almost as if a grey cloud is hovering above me,” tears were already starting to pour down your cheeks. “I just...I just feel so miserable and lonely and useless and irritated and- I’m so sorry for ignoring you. You probably want nothing to do with me after this!”

You manage to turn away from the sight of the blonde during your speech, ashamed of pouring out your emotions onto a person who disregards other peoples emotions and constitutes them as a quote on quote “pussy”.

From behind, you can hear faint shuffling nearing your already shaken up figure. A pair of muscular arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a wall that could only be described as his own chiseled chest, doing the same as you did moments ago with his arm - lulling you to calm down a notch before he stared speaking.

“If you been feeling this way, why lie when I asked you a few days ago after reading your journal?”

“I know how you are, Katsuki. You get very uncomfortable when people talk about their feelings. So, why should I be any different?”

Your boyfriend suddenly maneuvers you around in the circle of his arms, shifting to where you’re now making direct eye contact with him. His gaze intense and unwavering.

“Because you’re my girlfriend? I don’t give a rats ass about any of these extras. When it comes to you, I’d make an exception for. I made that promise to myself when we first started seeing each other. So don’t think for a second that I’ll disregard your true feelings, dumbass.” He stepped a couple of inches backwards, ankles eventually hitting the bottom of your bed - making him fall and dragging you along with him. You landed on top of him, head still buried in the depths of his hard chest. The vibrations of his chuckle shook your whole body. Katsuki gently titled your head to be leveled with his, a red tint of blush painting his pallid cheeks.

“I’m being serious though. Don’t be afraid to come to me when things get tough, okay? I love you too much to see you like this.”

Next thing you knew your boyfriend stole your breath away by meshing his plump lips onto yours, hands snaking their way into your hair and carefully massaging it. By all means, you let him have his way with you by kissing the sadness away, tears puddling together cheek on cheek.

He let go eventually, pecking a quick chaste kiss on the side of your mouth before hauling you further into the bed. You settled on letting him spoon you, knowing how much he likes the feeling of your backside pressed against him, and the fruity aroma of your hair infiltrating his senses.

“I promise Katsuki,” you said after some time during the cuddle session.

He shifted in his spot, head placed firmly in the crook of your neck. “Promise what?”

“That I’ll come to you when these thoughts return again. I should trust you by now, and I need to not let these emotions ruin everything in my life. I love you that much.

Your confession swelled the very last evidence of Katsuki being a human being, his heart.

He smiled weakly to himself and nuzzled more into your shoulder, brushing his warm lips against the tender skin. “You better, dumbass.”

-

Today was just so exhausting, and the big fat 'D-‘ written in red ink on your final report was the icing on the cake. To make things even worse, Aizawa reminded the whole class before the exam that this was to determine wether or not if you'll be joining the training camp that'll commence the following winter break.

Hopefully this was one of your teacher's terrible deception tactics into making everyone do their absolute best, go plus ultra even. But to your dismay, he was indeed very serious of the matter this time.

It wasn't your fault, not entirely. You stayed up all night listening to another one of your boyfriends rambles, the conversation lasting till 2 am. Izuku grew worrisome and anxious ever since his encounter with a gruesome villain, thus resulting in him to pour his emotions out onto you. Poor baby kept mentioning the safety of All Might and you.

Solemnly, you left class and trailed back to your dorm room, wanting to ignore the jovial atmosphere inside the cramped room as everyone traded and talked about their scores.

Izuku noticed you leaving abruptly and got up from his desk to follow you behind, bidding a quick goodbye to his friends.

Your room was dark and dramatically colder than usual, a trickle of light threatening to pour in from the cascading sunset. You laid down on your stomach with one of your pillows propped on your head, in hopes to shield away anyone from seeing your ugly-crying face.

Too late because Izuku was already standing outside your dorm room, swaying back and forth on his feet while biting down harshly on his lip. He can hear your soft cries seeping through the door. He doesn't know why he's hesitating, he's your boyfriend after all.

Moments later you hear the acute sounds of someone knocking on your door, followed by the soft spoken voice of your green haired boyfriend.

"Baby? Can I come in? I-If that's okay with you I m-mean! It's alright if you need some space but you left class so early I figured something happened to you and I got really worried because you always wait for Iida and uraraka to walk us back to the dorms as a group and maybe it had something to do with what I was telling you last night-."

You crack the door just a smidge before fully opening it, revealing your bloodshot eyes and tear stained shirt to him. His breathing hitched once his eyes fixated on your disheveled state. 

"Can you comfort me? I need you right now Izuku," your voice cracked a little, throat still tight after the crying session.

His strong, lean arms wrapped around your body momentarily, encasing you into a bear hug. Hugs from Izuku were amazing, no exceptions. He placed a quick peck on the crown of your forehead.

"C'mon, let's get inside and snuggle. How does that sound?" he asked as he unwrapped himself and took your trembling hand, leading you back inside the dimly lit room.

Izuku laid you gently down on your side once reaching the bed, crawling alongside with you before  draping the covers over the both of you. His familiar hands snake around your waist and nudges you to roll over. You obliged and shifted your body to face his, sparkly green eyes staring straight at you.

"Tell me, what's wrong baby? Does it have to do with the recent exam?" his thumb started tracing delicate lines on your hips, your uniform long gone and now replaced with comfortable clothes instead.

"I failed Izuku...I did so terrible on the written exam. I kept falling in and out of sleep during the test that I didn't have time to finish the middle portion of it," you exhaled a shaky breath. "Who knows what'll happen on the practical. I'll probably fail that too...I'm such a failure compared to everyone."

Izuku grabbed the tender flesh of your cheeks and directed your vision to level with his. He looked angry and concerned.

"Don't say that y/n! You're not a failure! That exam doesn't determine wether or not if you're good enough to be a hero. I've seen you in action hun, and I know for a fact that you're possibly the most strongest person I've met in my lifetime! You're ambitious, smart, determined, and so freaking beautiful." He then kissed you tenderly on the lips, his eyes closing slightly due to the contact.

"So...freaking...beautiful." He whispers against your mouth.

His sentimental words were enough for you to push back the negativity and simply enjoy the intimate moment.

Izuku lifted his head away from your face to rest it against your temple. "You're going to do great things, okay? One failing grade isn't going to be the end of the world. Trust me sweetheart, I've had my fair share in failures during our time here in Yuuei. But look at me now, still standing."

You nuzzled more into his chest, tickling his chin with your hair. Faintly, you can hear the pitter patter of his heart beat bursting through his rib cage.

"Would you love me even if I was a horrendous looking-failure?" you were clearly teasing him, but sometimes Izuku became dense when it came to that.

"Y/n! W-Why would you ask that! Of course I would you dummy! I'd love you no matter what."

This time you return the favor and kiss him, knowing how to easily fluster him in seconds. He whimpers into your mouth at the sudden contact and cups your jawline affectionately.

The two of you stayed like that till the moon shone through the balcony curtains, illuminating your skin in a dusty glow.

Lips bruised and swollen red, you laid lifelessly in his arms, letting him wove his scarred fingers through your hair. Izuku would occasionally stop to peck your lips, then resumes his attention back to your hair.

"I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have kept you up last night before the exam. I'm such a horrible boyfriend..." he admitted suddenly.

"Yes. Yes you are."

He gasped and stopped his movements altogether, obviously taken aback by your blunt words.

You giggled and said, "Kidding. You're the best boyfriend. Apology accepted.”

After hearing that, Izuku shoved himself onto your chest and let out muffled cry. "D-Don't scare me like that. Almost made me have a heart a-attack!"

[mikeana]

So I keep seeing this sentiment used in pointing out the differences between Hawks vs Twice and Midoriya vs Shigaraki (often used to prove how Midoriya is a true hero unlike Hawks) that Hawks never understood Twice, or even tried to understand him before he killed him, which... what?

Not only do I think that’s not true (or at least, not to the extent that people claim), but even if Hawks did understand Twice, knowing his entire tragic life story, understanding the bonds of the League of Villains... would that even have made a difference?

There are a lot of differences between the characters of Twice and Shigaraki. Twice kills people in order to protect his friends - the bond he found with the League is what his entire character revolves around - whereas Shigaraki kills because he was brainwashed into thinking that that’s his purpose. He was born to destroy - so why not destroy everything he doesn't like about society? Simple as that.

Because what drives them are so different, the process of ‘saving’ them - breaking them away of that motivation to kill and do active harm - would be different as well. Midoriya can appeal to that crying child inside Shigaraki, showing him that he is more than just destruction incarnate. Midoriya would also have to get past a wall of hatred towards... just about everything (but him especially) in order to get that message across - how he manages to do that, I have no idea - but we still have quite a bit in the story to go. Meanwhile, in order for Hawks to have successfully saved Twice, he would have had to come in between the bond that Twice shared with the League.

I know that there are several people that tout the LoV as a ‘found family’ but... it’s not. It’s not a healthy environment in the slightest. The entire League revolves around their status of outcasts and their hatred of society - but while it’s nice to have friends that can understand your past, the fact is that the League does not do anything to take a step forward and move on from sitting in their negative emotions. They ‘express themselves’ sure - by killing and doing whatever they want, but that’s not self-improvement. It may give them a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but at the end of the day, they’re as stagnant and lost as ever, enabling each others worst habits. It’s completely unhealthy - and one of the worst type of environments Twice could have found himself in.

Twice - who has little to no self-worth of his own - found himself surrounded by a bunch of people with similar sad backstories and who were also social outcasts like him. They also happened to be murders. Because they showed the smallest appreciation and kindness towards him, Twice was then given purpose - do whatever it takes to protect his friends. That’s the motivation that led him to overcoming him drama and breaking out Sad Man’s Parade. Unfortunately, while the League did give Twice senses of direction, purpose, and belonging, they didn’t do much to actually give him the proper help and care he needed (and vice versa - in protecting his friends, Twice is also protecting the status quo). I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again - it was no coincidence that, while Twice managed to miraculously ‘overcome his trauma’, his split-personality condition was stated at the end of the MVA arc as becoming worse. The League enables each other’s worse habits - and while Twice did grow during MVA, it was in the wrong direction. Coincidently, I think MVA is also the point where Twice can no longer be saved.

So, in order for Hawks to miraculously have saved Twice, he would have to had come between his bond with his League - aka his entire reason for living. And Hawks did do exactly that - he destroyed clones of all the League members for crying out loud. But still, some people assume that Hawks didn’t understand Twice - didn’t understand his backstory, nor his connection to the League.

I’ll be honest, we never got a panel of Hawks thinking about said connection (or at least, not that I remember), so there’s no way to know exactly how much he knew about Twice. But Twice was one of the villains that Hawks had information on (the only ones he didn’t were Dabi and Shigaraki), and the two hung out fairly frequently. Hawks could have known all about his past, or maybe he knew nothing at all. He didn’t know about Twice’s trauma with being double-crossed by Overhaul, leading to the death of Magne - so again, who knows how much he knew? Even if Hawks looked over Twice’s case file though, that still wouldn’t have changed the fact that he would have had to overcome his connection with the League - which leads me to my next point.

Hawks definitely understood Twice’s connection to the League. Or at least, he knew that his love of them was the motivation of his crimes. Hawks admired Twice because he was a kind person - he wanted to be useful to his friends, just like Hawks did. However, that same drive can also be dangerous. If Hawks thought that Twice’s level of commitment to the League wasn’t so strong, that Twice would automatically agree with him and accept his offer when he started talking, then Hawks wouldn’t have sent almost all his feathers to surround him. Twice was a kind person - and that’s exactly why he was such a threat.

So, in order to surpass the bond that Twice shared with the League, Hawks would have had to do one of two things: 1 - gain Twice’s unwavering trust so that he accepted his deal or 2 - show Twice that he has more inherit value than he gives himself credit for, giving him another motivation besides the League.

Scenario 1 was what Hawks attempted to go with, though it was doomed from the start. As soon as Hawks double-crosses Twice, reveals himself as a spy, he’s immediately clocked in shadow, seeming monstrous from Twice’s perspective. Any trust Twice had extended Hawks was immediately broken. This doesn’t help that Hawks has to come out with a bunch of sharp feathers pointed in his direction. No matter how much he liked Twice, he was still an active threat, and Hawks needed to be able to act at a moments notice in case he resisted (which of course, he did). 

I’ve seen some people suggest that Hawks could have promised that the League would be safe, that his failing was that he didn’t understand the entire League the way Twice did - that if Hawks had just calmly approached him beforehand without the feathers, told him the situation, promised that he’d get the entire League help the same way he promised he would with Twice, everything would be fine. But - there’s no guarantee that Twice would agree with that. During their months together, none of the League have ever tried to reach out to get help with the intention of improving themselves. The status is that they have to maintain their way of life - aka them doing whatever they want with no repercussions. In order to get proper help, that would have to change. Twice protecting the League means protecting their way of life and any active threat against it. Again, as soon as Hawks came out as being a spy on the heroes side, Twice’s immediately distorted him into something monstrous. With his former trauma with Overhaul, I believe that - no matter what the scenario - Twice would have immediately lost all trust in Hawks. Therefore, there was no hope that option 1 would work.

But what about option 2 - giving Twice some self-worth, and giving him some motivation outside of the League? Well, I think that would also be impossible - at least, for Hawks anyways. Because, like it or not, Hawks and Twice have the same fatal flaw - aka they both have little to no self-worth outside of being useful to the people they want to protect - to the point that either would happily lay down their lives if it meant the people they care about could be happy. The only difference is that Twice’s care extends only to the League whereas Hawks’ extends to the whole of society. In order to give Twice that sense of self-worth, Hawks would first have had to found some in himself - a little hard to miraculously do, considering he’s on an undercover suicide mission. The tragedy of Hawks vs Twice is that, at the end of the day, they were both kind characters - which meant they both had the same ‘unbreakable will’ that make up some of the most dangerous characters (according to Hawks).

Even if it the person that fought Twice wasn’t Hawks (which first off - good luck to anyone but Hawks dealing with Twice’s clones), this second option still requires some deal of trust - which meant you’d have to find a hero or anyone who Twice wouldn’t have thought of as an immediate threat to his friends. Twice didn't hesitate to attack Midoriya or the UA students at the training camp - what makes anyone so sure that if Midoriya faced Twice, there would be a different result?

So in synopsis, I think Hawks did understand Twice enough before the fight (at least to know what drives him) - but even if Hawks did know every. single. little. thing. about Twice's life, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

In order for a character to be saved - in order for them to start their redemption - they have to want to change. That is the key difference in what makes a person savable or un-savable. However, by the time of the PLF arc, Twice is actively choosing to side with the League - and nothing Hawks could do was going to pull him away from that.

How Midoriya will convince Shigaraki to want to change is something we’ll have to wait and see.

[crystal-moon-101]

Species: Thoadoidea Homeplanet: Opheromin Life-Span: 80-100 Habitat: Tropical forest, Wetlands Diet: Herbivore Breeding: Sexual Reproduction Sexual Dimorphism: Males are larger in size, with longer horns and thin abdomens. Their colours often have a green tint to them. Meanwhile, females are smaller with shorter horns, but have larger abdomens, along with having a brown tint to them. Childrens, also called grubs, are not easy to tell the gender of until they’ve gone through their chrysalis stage. After that, their proper colours should come in. Behaviour/Bio: Thoadoideas are known to be quite the spunky race, due to their evolution based around their vibration generation. They use it, along with sounds and body gestures, to express and communicate with each other, often crafting sounds or dances out of habit when chatting among each other. So in their culture, music is a big thing, not only using their humming vibrations as sounds, but also having made many unusual instruments throughout their history. They tend to live in large villages together as tight-knit groups, kind of like massive hives spread out throughout their planet, though large cities do exist. They are a very expressive race, with both negative and positive emotions, meaning they can be straightforward with friends, family and even outsiders, often tapping their feet, humming their wings or hissing in their tone of voice when communicating. This can cause miscommunication when other aliens don’t communicate the same way, often making them misread people’s words and expressions. Because of their hive like villages, Thoadoideas live under the exception that everyone must pull their weight and help each other out, that their groups can only function if everyone pitches in. They don’t enjoy lazy people, and those who try excuses that are clearly just used to try and get out of hard work. This also means Thoadoideas are described as “Always moving till the day they die”, and they constantly need to have something to be doing, never able to sit still, some part of their body always moving. Abilities: Insect Physiology - Because they are clearly insect aliens, they have many traits from bugs, like an exoskeleton, bug abdomen and compound eyes. Flight - With their wings, Thoadoideas are able to travel in the air a far distance, though they’re not blindingly fast. They can, however, stay stationary in the air when needed, and can hit the brakes as fast they need. Sonic Waves/Vibrations - Mostly done through their wings, Thoadoideas can shoot out a sonic wave in a general direction, and while not accurate, can be useful against groups of foes. Based on how loud it is and who they're targeting, their sonic waves can be deathing and damage the ear drums. Vibration Strikes - By generating their vibrations within themselves, they are able to build up the force it provides before striking something with their fists, feet or horn. The charge up is time based, as the more time they have to build up, the stronger the strike will be. Their build and exoskeleton are designed to keep them safe when doing this, though too much of a build up can reach its limits and be dangerous for them too. Normal Webbing/Vibration Webbing Generation - Thoadoideas are able to produce two types of webbing. The first is regular, decently sticky and used for crafting, trapping or even keeping their young from wandering. The other is unusual, in that it generates its own vibrations for a while, and the more webbing there is the stronger and wild the vibrations are. This can be used on enemies, or even helping to break down weak points in structures. However this effect doesn’t last forever. Horn - Having a steady horn on their heads, Thoadoideas often use them for fighting or even as a warning signal. They can stab, block and knock over with it. Though, while used mostly for fighting, they have been known to use them for harvesting plants. Thick Exoskeleton - Thoadoideas have an incredibly sturdy and thick exoskeleton that protects them from a lot of hits, and keeps them safe from their own vibrations mostly. It takes a lot to crack them, and thankfully any minor cracks or damages can heal over time. Vibration Sensing/Communication - As mentioned above, they use sounds and vibrations to communicate with each other, meaning they are great skills in sensing them too. This allows them to sense if something is nearby or even sneaking up on them. High-Endurance/Speed/Stamina/Reflexes/Senses/Leap - With their insect biology and unusual skills and traits, Thoadoideas can be heavy strikers and tanky and are not easy to take down. Weaknesses: When they shed their exoskeletons, they are left heavily vulnerable as their new exoskeleton is a little squishy for a while. A large amount of damage to their wings leaves them flightless. Sonic Waves can be bounced back at them. Heavy and distracting vibrations can confuse them. Bug Spray can affect them. Due to their body shaping, you can trip them up if needed. Building up too much vibration force can cause a harmful feedback on them, even able to crack their exoskeletons. While they can grow back eventually, crack off their horns can mean they are unable to use attacks related to it.

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since