#Study Apps for Class 10

[tutopialearningapp]

About Madhyamik And Why Choose Online Learning Apps To Learn It

Online learning apps play a crucial role in enhancing students' performance in the Madhyamik exams. They provide students with the necessary resources and tools required for success.

[firingstars]

in this life | ch. 5

bucky barnes x female reader

summary: "There's only one God, doll, and He's gonna bring me back to you." "I don't need God," you told him, fresh tears brimming over your eyes. "I just need you."

warnings: 18+, mdni, brief descriptions on an injury/blood, reader momentarily gets depressed, reincarnation trope, language, mentions of financial instability/being hungry, memories are written with italicizes, no use of y/n, angst, yearning, longing, everyone's alive no one is dead because i said so, alternating pov's

word count: 5.7k

a/n: idk why this chapter was kinda difficult for me to write... i know how i want the story to end and its already written out and ready but idk whats going on the middle of this story is irking me

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Unknown [10:14am]: What does Traumatic Memory Rehabilitation Science actually entail? I tried Googling it, but I didn't find anything on the subject.

You stared at your phone for a few moments, hiding the device behind your laptop screen. You were in the middle of a lecture, and your professor would definitely call you out if he saw you right now. Of course, it didn’t matter to him that he was going on and on about how his wife was somehow related to this neuroscience class and there must be something wrong with her pathways in her mind for her to leave him. Sometimes you think this class was just an easy way for your professor to be able to rant to people that had no choice but to listen.

You put your phone face down, and pulled up the messages on your laptop. At the very least, you could look like you were taking notes. 

Me [10:17am]: science that focuses on how trauma affects the structure and function of memory, and how the patient’s memories could be stabilized, restored, or rewritten in ethical ways. could be natural trauma or artificial trauma given by outside means

Unknown [10:19am]: Artificial trauma?

Me [10:21am]: wasn’t a huge part of why america didn’t want to give you that pardon bc of what that organization did to you? and your lawyers argued that it wasn’t your mind there?

Unknown [10:22am]: Ah. I see.

Unknown [10:23am]: I didn’t know you kept up with the case.

Me [10:26am]: my grandpa was still around when you were going through it. he would talk my ear off on the phone about how you were being treated awfully by the country and was part of the support groups outside the courtroom demanding a fairer sentence for you.

Me [10:27am]: and it was pretty big news, sergeant. 

Bucky doesn’t respond, and you think you may have scared him off. After saving his phone number officially in your contacts as Sergeant Barnes, you close the messaging app. You go through the rest of your class, finishing off with another surprise quiz that you thankfully knew all the answers to, and head off to grab something to eat before going to the library to study. 

You should apologize to him, you think. It may have been a lot to say all of that, all of a sudden. It could still be a sensitive topic for him, and you may have brought up a bunch of memories for him that you didn’t mean to. You want to hit yourself over the head. Your field of study is meant to help people like him, and yet you just caused issues for him. 

You really could use a shot. Tequila. Vodka. Something strong. But it’s barely noon, and you still have the rest of your day ahead of you. 

You push open the door to the Campus Grounds, and stop in your tracks. 

You didn’t scare him off. 

Your eyes fall on his figure almost instantly. Buckty’s wearing that same leather jacket that he always seems to wear. He looks a little cleaner today, beard a little shorter than the last time you saw him. The dark circles under his eyes are lighter, an indication of more sleep. His shoulders aren’t wound up too tight either.

And he turns to you, as if he’s been waiting for you this entire time. Your heart flutters as caterpillars hatch from their cocoons and turn into butterflies in your stomach.

“Doll,” he greeted. The nickname still makes your mind run circles, but you force yourself back into reality as you focus on his next words. “Fancy seeing you here. Didn’t know you came here, too.”

“At my university’s cafe?” you asked, tilting your head. “The university where I attend school? Spend a majority of my day at?”

Bucky cleared his throat, obviously caught. “Stark told me that the food here was good. I’m expanding my palate…” The man before you pauses, eyebrows furrowing at the menu. “What the hell is a matcha?”

“Depends. Do you want it iced or hot?” you chuckled, stepping into the line.

“How do you take it?”

“Iced, with oat milk, and a pump of vanilla,” you answered. 

Bucky looked a bit helpless at your words, so you repeated the order back at the barista, including two ham and cheese croissant sandwiches to be warmed up as well before giving her your phone number to use your meal points. 

When the drinks come out, you watch as Bucky takes an experimental sip before looking a little confused at the flavors on his tongue before seemingly accepting whatever was going on. You let out a small laugh.

“Not bad?” you guess.

“Not bad,” he agreed, following you as you make your way out towards the door. You hand him his croissant. “What’s your plans today?”

“Studying. We’re towards the end of the semester, and I have finals coming up in a few weeks. I’ll graduate in the winter once I’m done with the upcoming term.”

“Impressive,” Bucky hummed beside you, taking a bite of his croissant. 

“Any Avengers need a therapist?” you asked, glancing at him. Thankfully, he doesn’t look too bothered by your text conversation from earlier this morning. If he was, you were sure that he wouldn’t even be here, still walking beside you right now.

The man chuckled beside you, smiling. “None of them wants to admit that right now.”

“Pity,” you said sarcastically. After a beat, you added, “Sorry. If my message to you earlier was a bit heavy.”

“Not at all,” he shook his head, “I just started driving, so I couldn’t reply.”

“Ah.” So you were overthinking it. Makes sense. 

“It would’ve been nice,” he cleared his throat before continuing, “If your field of study was finalized and completed when I was first put back out in the world. I think it would’ve been helpful for me to be regulated back into society.”

You give him a small smile. “Sorry about that. Took me a bit to decide what I wanted to study. Took a few years of a gap year before I went back to school.”

Bucky chuckled, and took another sip of his matcha latte. It looked like it was growing on him. Either that, or he just wasn’t picky about food. 

“You’ll have plenty of opportunities to help people other than me,” he told you. 

“I hope so. Otherwise all this student debt will be for fucking nothing,” you grunt. Another smaller laugh escapes his lips, and you find that the noise awakens a small flutter in your chest that will keep you feeling warm and fuzzy. 

Your feet come to a slow as you stop at the library commons, and you turn to look at Bucky. He looks back at the building briefly before turning to you, giving you a small smile and nod.

“Well. Happy studying,” he said, albeit a little awkwardly.

“Is that all? You just came here to get some matcha and walk me to my university’s library?”

“I just wanted to see your face today,” he admitted. 

You really didn’t expect him to be so upfront with his words. You couldn’t help the smile that came to your face. You bit the inside of your cheek to prevent your lips from curling even wider than they already were.

“I would say I would FaceTime you later so you can see my face again, but I noticed that the message bubbles I sent you weren’t blue. What do you have? Android?”

“Uh. Flip phone.”

You stared at him for a brief second, searching his face for the joke. 

There was none.

“I’ll call you later,” you settled on.

“I’ll wait for it,” he replied, letting out a breath of relief.

Adding calling Bucky to the list of things to do every night was as easy as adding something to your nighttime skincare routine. First step: remove makeup with micellar water. Follow up with a makeup balm. Wash your face with a cleanser. Pat dry with a towel. Use a toner. Moisturize. Call Bucky.

The first night had your heart racing on whether or not you should even call him, too. You were pacing around in your apartment. You stared at your phone on your bed as if it was a bomb that you had to defuse within the next few moments. You told him that you would call, but it was past midnight and you just got off your shift. You had no idea what the bedtime schedule was like for an Avenger, but you told him that you would call. Eventually, you decided that you would at least try to call. If he didn’t answer, then you would send a follow up text for an apology.

Bucky answered right away.

“Thought you weren’t gonna call,” is what he said as soon as the line connected.

“Wasn’t sure if you were still going to be awake,” you replied softly.

“You said you were gonna call. I waited.”

You aren’t sure why your chest squeezed at those words. You swallowed thickly, and took in a shaky breath as you clutched the phone tighter in your hands, trying to formulate another sentence to force out past your lips.

“You know I only work night shifts at the diner, right? I always close,” you told him.

“I know.”

“Then you don’t have to stay awake because I say stuff like that. What if I didn’t call you? Would you stay awake all night next to your phone until I called?” you asked. You weren’t scolding him, you weren’t badgering him– you were just a little stressed. A little worried. 

“I knew you would,” he replied. There was so much certainty in his voice. The steadiness. 

“How are you so sure?”

“I just knew you would.” Again, there was nothing in his words that wavered. 

You paused, letting it sink in for a few moments as your heart thumped in your chest. You dug your nails into your palm, allowing the bite against your skin remind you that this was reality, and you were alive at this very moment.

“Do you want me to keep calling you?” you asked in a whisper.

“I wouldn’t mind it,” he said. A pause. “I like hearing your voice, too.”

From that point forth, Bucky continued to answer every single call without fail. Most of the time, each call was answered within the first ring. Sometimes the call went to the second, but never the third. Your calls had never gone to voicemail once. It was almost as if he anticipated your calls every single night.

You began to look forward to every single one of your calls. It became the highlight of your day, the thing that you looked forward to most after the long and stressful day.

By the second week of your nightly calls, you were really appreciating it. He helped you study. You would have your phone on speaker, on your desk beside your textbooks as you pulled out concepts and verbiage from your brain as if you were teaching a lesson to him, and ask him if he understood a single thing that you just told him. Sometimes you would text him your study guides and he would test you, then let you know what you needed to improve on. You were certain that he heard you slam your forehead on your desk several times over the past fourteen days.

Moreover, Bucky was not much of a talker, which meant that he was a great listener. When you were done studying, your phone would be resting beside your pillow as you laid down. The lights would be turned off and you would close your eyes as you talked to him.

It was as if he knew you were drifting off to sleep. His voice would be softer during these moments. Lower, slightly gravely. Sometimes, both of you would get a little bit more vulnerable in your sleepier states. 

“You should really sleep earlier,” he would tell you. “Your health might take a hit if you keep this habit up.”

“I don’t particularly enjoy sleeping,” you confessed to him.

“It’s good for you. Especially with the amount of studying that you do.”

You sigh deeply, pulling your blankets higher up your body. “I know, I know. I just… I don’t sleep well. I wake up and I’m sad. I wake up and I wish I never woke up. And I don’t mean that in a… sad, depressed way– even though it sounds like it. I just want to stay in my dreams.”

Bucky was quiet for a few moments. “You mean the dreams about the soldier?”

“Yeah,” you whispered. “Does that sound pathetic?”

“No,” he answered without skipping a beat. “It means you’re happy there.”

“Then doesn’t that mean I’m sad out here?” you ask with a soft laugh.

“You tell me. Are you?”

It’s your turn to fall silent. You don’t know how much or how little time has passed in your sleepy state before you finally answer, “I think I’m not as sad since I met you.”

“That’s good. I think I enjoy life a little more, too.”

“Even though all I talk to you about is the ethics and neuroscience of trauma?” you joke.

“I have a lot of trauma myself, so it’s interesting to know how the trauma affects the neural pathways of my brain and the rest of my body,” he responds with a soft chuckle.

“Mm… Just wait until I get to the section on how your muscles hold all that trauma. It’s not just your brain, Sergeant,” you murmur, shifting deeper into your pillow. 

“I have seventy years of muscular and mental trauma. How long do you think that will take to undo?” 

“You can’t undo trauma, Bucky,” you hum. “I can teach you how to live with it, to learn how to regain yourself from the experiences that you’ve been through– but you can’t undo what ultimately has brought you here. Your trauma isn’t you. But what you do with the trauma is what’s important. Do you carry it and let it weigh you down? Do you let it fuel you and all your rage? Or do you let it be the reason to be a better person?”

“I wish you were my therapist when I had to have one,” he tells you after a few moments, his voice soft. 

Bucky doesn’t choose to elaborate on the topic of trauma any further, or tell you more about his past. You already have a decent understanding of what the Winter Soldier is and what he did based on what was leaked to the public years ago. You don’t push him when he decides to brush it off.

You let out a small laugh, smiling into your sheets. “Don’t forget to tell your Avenger friends about me.”

“I think I might keep you all to myself, sweetheart.”

“I don’t think I mind that, either.”

Sometimes, Peter disappears without a trace and MJ gets irritable. However, she knows what she signed up for when she became Spider-Man’s girlfriend. She knows that she can’t be too upset with him, though Peter really does try to let her know whenever he leaves. Peter just has a one track mind. He hyper focuses on one thing and forgets everything else. 

Bucky doesn’t do that with you. You got a message from him a few days ago letting you know that he will be busy. You expected it to come sooner or later. You were surprised that it wasn’t sooner. Bucky has a job– a very demanding job. One that you can’t ever imagine yourself being in that world or in that kind of life. However, he still communicates with you, which is more than you can say Peter does with MJ. 

Sergeant Barnes [7:27am]: I will not be able to make our meetings for the next few days. I will let you know when I am back in the city. Will be in Malaysia. My phone will be off. 

Me [7:30am]: stay safe bucky

Sergeant Barnes [7:31am]: Always.

The fact that he calls your nightly calls a meeting makes you smile at your phone. You think he’s cute. His age is also showing from the way that he texts you, but you decide to let it slide. If you think about it realistically, the man is only in his early to mid thirties if you’re doing the math right. You’re well aware he was born in 1917, but with the amount of time that he had lost in between with everything that went on with his life— that is an age gap that you can get behind.

“What are you smiling so wide about right now?” MJ grunted, hitting your hip with hers as she walked by. “Table seven needs refills.”

“I was already on my way,” you shoot back, picking up the water pitcher as you fix your grin. 

You’re overthinking, you’re pretty certain. He’s a friend. There’s nothing more to the calls that have been going on every night since you said you would call him. You don’t hang on to every single word he says like it’s a prayer, and you certainly don’t find yourself lulling yourself to bed to his soft whispers every single night like it’s a lullaby. Your mood hasn’t improved the past few weeks, and you’re not smiling more often. You’re definitely not more energized even though you’re losing more sleep by staying up an extra hour later to talk to him longer on the phone, and lying to him by saying that you truly do sleep that late anyways.

You’re a goner and you know it– and you’ve only seen the man in person a handful of times. You were more than certain that he was haunting your mind more than you were haunting his. 

“You look like shit,” you told MJ once the night was over. “Tonight wasn’t even all that bad.”

MJ glared at you as she clocked out on the computer, and waited for you to do the same so you two could walk out together. Your routes home were the same part of the way until they diverged. 

“Peter’s still gone. Still have no idea where he is or when he’s coming back,” she muttered, shoving her arms through the sleeves of her jacket haphazardly. You think she’s crazy for even wearing a jacket in the middle of summer, but you don’t mention it with her current mood. “So yes, I am a little pissed off.”

“Did he leave in the middle of the night again?” you asked, closing down the computer.

“No, he woke me up this time,” she sighed. You two walked out the back, locking the door behind you. “Still, it was really early in the morning and he didn’t explain much before he left. Though, he really can’t ever explain much.”

“I’m sorry, MJ,” you said, a small cringe running through your body. You really can’t imagine what she’s going through.

Though, then again, you’re not even sure why Bucky felt the need to tell you that he was going off the grid for a few days. Or even why he told you where he was going for the mission, either. You were certain that was some kind of classified information if even MJ couldn’t know– if Peter wouldn’t tell her before he left. 

Was it a mistake? Did he mean to tell you all of that information? Or was something going on through his mind that made him accidentally send that to you when he didn’t mean to. Either way, you had more information than MJ, and you weren’t even sure if you were allowed to tell her. You weren’t totally sure what telling her would even do. There would be no purpose in giving her the location. Malaysia was a large place– the Avengers could be everywhere and anywhere. Besides that, maybe Bucky and Peter weren’t even in the same area doing the same mission.

You decided to keep your mouth shut, even though you didn’t feel particularly good about it. Then again, you’ve held enough secrets of your own from your friends over the years. You have a lot of your own issues that they don’t know, and you’re more than certain they will never find out.

Maybe that’s why you feel a certain attachment to Bucky. He knows about your dream soldier boy, and never judged you for it. He brought him up once or twice, too. Bucky knows more about you in the past few weeks that you’ve known him versus the past few years that you have known your friends.

It makes you feel guilty, in a way. Peter has shared his own secrets with you– something that he had no obligation to share with you. It was something that was originally held between the three of them, but he felt that you were important enough to know about it. MJ has some familial issues and has problems letting people close to her, but she still finds herself opening up to you and starting conversations with you more than you start them with her. You’re not super close with Ned, but you know the guy is more than happy to talk to you about any kind of project that he’s working on at the moment. Both him and Peter enjoy spilling whatever information they can spare on whatever work they’re doing.

And yet, you’ve never told them the real reason why you’re studying what you study.

You wish MJ a good night, and tell her to get some rest as your paths split and she heads down her road to her place that she shares with Peter. You make your way down to your own.

New York’s summer nights are muggy. Slightly humid, but better than when the sun is out and beating down on your skin like it’s trying to wear you down. It’s not bad at all, seeing as you’ve lived here for the majority of your life, but you can still see yourself moving out of this busy city and somewhere quieter. 

Away from this nonsense and drama. Maybe you’d be able to run away from your own head if you tried hard enough.

You push the thought away as you push your apartment door open. It’s creaky, and you know you need to spray drown the hinges with WD-40 again.

You toe your sneakers off and hang your purse on the hooks that you nailed to the wall when you first moved in— holes that you would have to fill later on when you eventually move out if you want your security deposit back. Your feet ache against the creaking floorboards that are only slightly dampened by the carpet runner that you put in the entranceway of your apartment. 

You hate this place, as much as you try to deny it. 

You despise the overhead lighting that you never flicker on because it’s too bright, but you also never turn on the various amounts of mood lighting that you thrifted from corner stores because you simply can’t be bothered. You can’t stand the way your landlord sometimes forgets to pay the building’s AC bill, even though you slave away every single day to pay your rent and utilities. You shouldn’t have to suffer for some fucking comfort in your own home. 

You hate the cheap mattress that you barely could afford, that you cried when you bought— not out of happiness, but because you knew you wouldn’t be able to eat real meals for the next week until your next paycheck hit. 

This entire place was a death sentence in your mind. It wasn’t home. It was simply a place to rest when you weren’t running around outside, trying to pretend that your mind was right and your life was stable, and the diagnoses the doctors gave you years ago weren’t looming over your head. 

Your stomach growls, and you know you don’t have substantial ingredients in your kitchen to satiate you. You should’ve eaten more on campus earlier today, and you want to kick yourself for your lack of insight. 

You still drag your tired body to the kitchen to find what you can, ripping open the old fridge. What stares back at you is empty shelves and a half drunk water bottle along with some celery.

You settle for the celery, grumbling to yourself. 

“Maybe I’ll use the ten thousand for groceries,” you mutter, leaning against the counter. 

“Gave it to you so you could use it, not save it.”

Your heart leaps out of your body, and you drop the celery in your hand as you shriek. You turn quickly, looking over the kitchen peninsula towards your living room— in the darkness of your apartment, lit only by the streetlights pouring from your windoes, you see a figure. 

He’s sitting on the couch, draped over the armrest. His head is resting against the wall— his chest falling and rising in uneven motions. He looks to be wearing gear. He looks like a shadow. 

“Bucky?” you breathe, your heart still stuttering in your chest wildly. “What the fuck?”

“Hey,” he greets with a grunt, but he doesn’t move from his place on the couch. “Sorry. Needed a place to just.. Lay low.”

“Okay,” you said slowly, moving slowly. 

You go to the windows, closing the blinds and drawing the curtains shut before turning on the lamp. Lay low— you assume no one knows he’s here. You want to interrogate him on why and how he’s in your apartment, but with proper light illuminating him, you find the question long gone and missing from your lips.

He’s injured. Badly.

His vest is ripped at his side, and he’s pressing his flesh hand to it, though you can still see his skin stained with his own blood. His forehead also seems to be gashed, and there’s a deep bruise blossoming on his cheekbone, and his lip is split. You’re not sure of what other injuries he could be hiding under the layers of gear he’s wearing, too. 

“What…” you whispered.

“The drawings are nice,” he said, clearing his throat. You follow his eyes to your coffee table, where your sketches of the soldier man from your dream are haphazardly strewn about. You were going to scan them and post them in the morning. “You’re talented.”

“Wait— no,” you denied. You’re not letting him breeze past the clear issue at hand here. “I need— Fucking. Washcloth?” 

Your mind is short circuiting as you quickly rush through your apartment, turning lights on as you go. You bring your CVS bought first aid kit along with a small bowl filled with water and several other washcloths to the living room, pushing your sketches and other art supplies to the floor to make space. 

You’re on your knees in front of him, gently peeling his hand away from his side to inspect the gash on his side. You’re glad you’re not squeamish from the years you’ve spent in the city, but the wound is deep and angry and red— and you are not qualified for such an injury.

“I am not medically trained. At all,” you tell him, panic flashing through your face. Then you demand, “Why did you come here?”

“You’re safe.”

Your breath stops, just for a moment. Bucky isn’t saying that your apartment is safe. That this area in New York is safe— you are someone safe. In just two words, he’s telling you everything. 

You clench your jaw and dip your washcloth into the bowl of water and bring it to the gash on his side. Your eyes flicker to his face. He never flinches. His muscles don’t ripple in pain. His body doesn’t betray him in a way that yours does when you poke at a bruise that you know you shouldn’t be touching. 

It breaks your heart and soul all the same. 

It’s quiet between you two as you go through three more washcloths to remove the dried blood from his body. Then you open up the first aid kit. You’ve never had to use it before other than for some bandaids. 

You don’t even realize your hands are trembling until his metal hand rests on yours. You lift your head to lock eyes with his. His face is gentle, despite the amount of pain that you’re sure is racing through his body at this moment.

“There should be a pair of gloves,” he said, his voice even. You blink for a moment before realizing that he’s directing you on what needs to be done. You quickly move. 

You slide the gloves, eyes darting all over the first aid kit you bought. You were paranoid when you bought it– this expensive thing. You weren’t even sure why you got it, when all you used it for was a few bandaids here and there every once in a while. You praised your past self for this very moment now.

“Saline, antiseptic, and ointment,” he continued, and you pull out each corresponding item from the kit. “Help me clean the wound. Use the gauze. After that, try to find something called a butterfly bandage, if you know what that is.”

You don’t fucking know what that is, but you’re not going to voice that out to him right now. 

Instead, you force your muscles to move past the fear in your body. Bucky is still directing you through the entire thing like you are the one that’s injured here– like you’re the one that’s a few seconds from passing out from pain. You want to scream at your own uselessness, but you know that it isn’t true. Bucky wouldn’t have come here if he thought you were useless.

As the bandage goes on, and you tighten his wound shut, he finally lets out a breath and relaxes against your couch cushions.

“Is that it?” you whispered, eyes flitting across his face.

“That’s the worst of it, yes,” he nodded, closing his eyes.

“There’s more?” you demanded, horrified. 

Bucky lets out a chuckle, as if this situation is funny to him. Maybe it is. To him, probably it is. This is just another regular Thursday to him. For you– this is the first time that you’re ever coming close to a situation like this. 

“I heal faster than the average human. I’ll be okay. This one is just pretty bad, I promise.”

You don’t believe him, not fully. You clench your jaw as you clean up the bloodied gauze and washcloths– tossing them into your garbage bin before going into your freezer to grab a few ice cubes to throw into a ziplock bag for the bruise on his face. He takes it without complaint.

Questions are spinning through your head, nagging at you deeply. The words are threatening to spill out of your mouth, and you’re not sure that you can stop it. 

“Is… Is Steve okay? Peter?” you asked. 

Bucky’s eyes flicker to you, eyebrows furrowing at you briefly. “I understand you asking about Steve. But Peter?”

“Spider-Man,” you whispered in correction, swallowing thickly. Recognition dawns on his face as you reveal that you know. Bucky lets out a small breath, a silence settling over the two of you. He doesn’t press for any other details.

“Mine was a solo mission. Everyone’s out doing their own thing right now. Most of them are in teams. Haven’t heard any of the others being injured or hurt.”

Relief fills your body. Your shoulders sag briefly as you move to sit on the opposite end of the couch from him.

“New York is pretty far from Malaysia, Buck… How the hell did you drag your battered body all the way to my apartment?” The question came from your lips before you could think that he may not even be able to answer you. 

“Tracked down the target from Malaysia to the outskirts of New York,” he answered without hesitation. “Didn’t wanna head back into the base looking like this.”

“So you thought that waiting in my apartment like this for me to come home was any better?” you asked, eyes wide.

“Well, I had a feeling that you would just take care of me rather than demand to know the details of the mission first,” he replied, shaking his head. There was the faintest of smiles on his face that you could see in the dim lighting of your apartment.

“Is it okay for me… to know all of this?” you asked wearily.

“You won’t become a target, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he quickly answered you, his voice serious. 

You shook your head immediately. “No– no. That’s not what I meant. Won’t you get in trouble? With… whoever your bosses are?”

“What they don’t know won’t hurt ‘em,” Bucky said with a shrug. Then, he looked at you, eyes catching yours. You couldn’t look away, caught in the stormy blue of his face. “You’re not scared?”

“I don’t think you would do anything that could ever get me hurt,” you murmured honestly. You pause. “You’re not afraid that I won’t leak your location to the world?”

The smile came back on his face. “Like I said, doll– you’re safe. I don’t worry about much when you’re around.”

You don’t know how long you spend staring at him, your heart thumping erratically in your chest again. It’s not from the fear of being shocked by a man in your apartment, or the panic that the man is Bucky injured in your apartment. It’s that stupid nickname that your soldier calls you, it’s the way the word falls from Bucky’s lips so casually and easily. It’s as if this was right, for him to always call you this. 

Your apartment suddenly feels whole. Warm. The space that felt empty a few moments ago is taken over with enough joy that you’re certain that you could spend the rest of your days here as long as Bucky continues to look at you the way that he’s looking at you right now.

With trust. You don’t even know why he trusts you. Why he’s so unwavering in his faith in you.

It’s terrifying all the same. You don't think you deserve it.

“There’s this Chinese place that’s 24/7,” you whispered, breaking the silence. “Do you want take out?”

Bucky’s smile grows a bit wider and he nods at you. “That sounds great.”

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[jillsandwhichs]

Midnight (Part Two)

Chapter 10 to Joel Miller x Reader Smutshot Collection

Masterlist ★ Midnight (Part One)

Pairing: F!Reader x Joel Miller

Summary: It has been a week since you made love with Joel. Ever since then, he's been on your mind. It's late at night and you need him; You crave him. Giving him a late night call can't be so bad, right?

Status of your guy's relationship in this one shot: Slight friends/Hookup

WC: 3.1k

Type: NSFW

Warnings: Smut — Making out, Dirty talk, Mutual masterbation, Protected P in V/Unprotected P in V, Missionary, Riding, Clit rubbing, You both finish, Breast play, Spanking, Aftercare

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

You glanced over at the clock. 8:45 PM. It feels like no time has passed, and not in a good way. You've been reading and studying for the past hour. You tend to overwork yourself so there's no surprise there. Still, you shouldn't. Before studying, you made yourself some dinner. It was some frozen, prepackaged dinner bowl with mashed potatoes, chicken and corn. Life has been rather uneventful.

Since exams are over with now, you haven't had much to focus on. Your mind has been all over the place but you realize it's been going somewhere rather particular repeatedly - Mr. Miller - Joel.

You haven't seen him since you stayed over at Sarah's but you've sure as hell thought about him. How could you not? The man had you ride him then he practically blew you off... Sort of... At least he gave you his number, which you did in fact hold onto. You put his digits in your phone and you two have texted but hardly. He's either working so he can't text or he's home, where he's very cautious about messaging you.

Unlocking your phone, you opened up his messages and began to re-read a few of them.

Wednesday:

"You there?"

"I'm here. What's up?"

"Just checkin' on you. Sarah showed me a photo of the two of you grabbing lunch earlier, you looked pretty."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

That was one thread from the other day. You two messaged a bit more as of yesterday.

Thursday:

"Joel."

"Yep?"

"I'm so horny right now."

"That so? Sorry darlin', can't do much for you, takin' Sarah out to dinner tonight. Surely you can alleviate yourself."

You remember reading that message and literally groaning to yourself.

"Seriously? Okay. Whatever."

"Don't get upset with me. Listen, stay up late enough and we can call, yeah?"

"Okay."

"Good girl."

You blushed when re-reading that specific text.

Shutting your phone off, you got up from your desk and walked over to your closet. You're still in your clothes from earlier today, the ones you wore to class. You sighed deeply as you skimmed through your closet before finally deciding on a sleepwear outfit. You chose a nightgown, but not any ordinary one. It has pink lace trim on the V neck area and on the bottom. The rest of it however is a white silky material.

It's cute. It's comfy. You removed your sweater and tossed it on your already cluttered floor. Admittedly, you haven't cleaned in awhile. You then unclasped your bra and tossed that onto the ground too, then dropped your jeans, but kept your panties on. The nightgown had a cold feel to it but you're sure your body will heat it up. You feel pretty wearing attire such as this.

You went to exit your room to begin your nighttime routine before you then stopped in your tracks, hands on the left and right edges of the door frames. What a great fucking idea. You giggled to yourself before turning around and picking up your phone, quickly unlocking it and making your way to the camera app. Joel better hope he isn't busy nor around Sarah right now, because you're about to send him a body pic.

You held the phone a bit away from your body before snapping the picture. It was sexy but not as seductive as you wished. You hummed to yourself before coming up with another idea. This one entailed you to lift your dress up, which you did with ease. You lifted the silky night down up to reveal your bottom, which your panties fit perfectly. You bit your lower lip and took the photo. Your ass looks great in it.

The ass photo paired with the body shot will be great. Hopefully it's enough to turn him on. You opened up the messaging app and sent this text along with both images, and a selfie you quickly took.

Friday:

"Missing you."

*Three attachments*

Now all you have to do is wait!

-

Not even a full ten minutes passed by before Joel texted you. It took you by surprise, truly.

"Where are you?"

Was his message. You cackled and kicked your feet back and fourth as you laid down on your stomach, messaging him back.

"Home. My apartment. Why?"

"You know why. What's your address?"

You giggled even more. Mission: Successful. You knew you'd be enticing enough. Quickly, you sent him your address and apartment number.

"Be there in a bit. Make sure you're ready."

You reacted to his message with a heart before getting out of bed. You spraying on some perfume, the one you know will get him going. The scent is Vanilla but it has a sweetness to it that's impossible to resist. You also gave your hair a quick brush, just to make it feel softer and appear healthier. It's hard to pin point what else you have to get done.

It is both a pro and a con that you live so close to the Miller's. Its nice because he'll be here quickly and as for Sarah, you can walk to her house and chill with her. It is a con because now you're feeling rushed and panicky. You need to just calm down. How can you though? Joel is coming over for the first time and presumably so you two can fuck. That's kind of a big deal.

Ambling out to the living room/kitchen area, you analyzed both rooms. They're decently clean and besides, you don't care either way. Your arousal is really blinding you. You wanted to get some wine out for the two of you but 1. You're sure he's a hardcore kind of guy and 2. He's definitely not planning to stay long. You're pretty much aware he's only in contact with you for sex but you don't care. It's best you'll get around these parts.

Until he gets here, you plan to relax. Lord knows you need to.

-

Knock, knock, knock.

He is here. You let out a deep breath before you then opened your front door. Right in front of you was Joel Miller. He smelt of leather, wood and a musky cologne. Gosh, it got you on your high horse. "Hello." "Hello?" He mocked you before chuckling and stepping into your apartment. You closed the door behind you and looked over at him. His eyes gandered your apartment with a nod.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" "Nah," he glanced over at you. "I want you." Joel stepped over and grasped your hips in his hands before he then pressed a longing and very much needed kiss to your lips. Fuck, you missed this. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his burly arms were quick to clasp you up into them. You giggled and kissed him again, this time your tounge slithered it's way into his mouth.

"Where's your bedroom?" He asked. "Just down the hall to your right." You whispered as you began to kiss his cheeks and neck. He had his hands resting on your ass as he carried you to your own bedroom. The door was slightly open and Joel used his boot to kick it open all the way. You can hardly believe it - Joel Miller is in your fucking apartment, in your personal room, about to fuck you. Prayers work.

Joel set you down on the edge of the bed and smirked. "You look pretty." He sat at your desk, removing his work boots that were quite frankly really dirty, then his shirt, leaving himself in only his jeans and socks. "Thanks." You replied. You couldn't help but stare at his chest. You want to feel it while he rails you. "Wanna do somethin' for me?" He questioned you. You simply nodded.

He got comfortable in your desk chair before chuckling. "Touch yourself." "What?" What does he mean by that? "Yeah," he groaned up, "I wanna watch you touch yourself. You got me all worked up, let me see what I want." His accent was thick then. You giggled and leaned your back against the way. "You sure?" "Am I sure?" He scoffed out. "Hun, do what I say, when I say it." Oh how you love his sternness.

You gave Joel and nod before slowly spreading your legs, revealing yourself to him. He shook his head. "Take off the damn panties." You rolled your eyes at his bossiness (Ignoring the fact it turns you on). You sighed softly and removed them, tossing them on the floor but Joel was quick to grab them, holding them in hand and occasionally sniffing them. "Gross." You murmured, now spreading your legs entirely to him.

"Now," he smiled, "Touch yourself baby." Mmm, the way he calls you that. He started to really do it over message and it was one of many ways he turned you on. You obliged though, and with haste. Your hand went down to that sweet spot between your legs before you then started to touch yourself. You slowly rubbed your clit and looked at Joel, occasionally looking away due to embarrassment but nonetheless, you treaded on.

The older man looks like a dog in heat. All he's doing is just sitting there and staring at you. Admittedly, that makes you feel sexier than you probably actually are. To have your best friends dad this locked in with you is a good feeling though. You picked up the pace in which you rubbed yourself, which earned a moan out of you. Joel whispered "Fuck." Underneath his breath before he pulled his rock hard dick out of his stained work jeans.

You watched as he began to rub himself too. Up & down his hand went as he gazed at you. Slowly but surely, you slipped a finger inside of you, then two, emerging them in and out of your hole as he got the full entertainment of it. "That's a good girl, jus' like that." Joel said to you in a deep, needy tone. You smiled as you looked into his eyes, your eyebrows contorting and your moans evident. He's so into this - that's beyond attractive.

On his length, you could see where precum once was. You must've got him really going. You began to touch yourself in a more erotic way, your other hand now grasping your tit and your teeth biting your lower lip - you knew how this would make Joel feel. "Shit baby, stop." He pumped himself a few more times before letting go and breathing deeply. "I can't cum yet." He then stood up and pulled his jeans down all the way, but firstly taking a condom out.

"Lay back." You listened. Your back hit your soft bed and Joel climbed on top of you, pinning you below him. "You smell good." He complimented you before burying his face in your neck, kissing it & sucking on it, sure to be leaving marks. "You do too... Oddly enough." You giggled at your own remark, but you quickly began to moan as his suckles became more intense.

Your hands ran through his hair before you pulled him back up to kiss you. Your lips pressed to his and you breathed in deeply, your mouth opening slightly, allowing his tounge to enter your mouth. The way your guy's tounges intertwined was so hot, it made you pulse down there. You wrapped your legs around his waist and cupped his face in your hands. "Fuck." You whimpered. "What is it darlin'?" He asked you in a soft tone, though you knew he was being cocky.

"I want you... I need you inside of me so please just-" but your begging wasn't needed for long. Joel was quick to shove a condom on his cock before he then entered you, stilling himself as he did. "Oh shit." You wrapped your arms around his neck, hiding your face as best as you could. "Still so tight." He gasped before kissing your cheek and head. "You're ok." He murmured before he began to move into you slowly but with long, deep strokes.

It felt so good. He moves into you with such skill. Of course he does though, he has experience. You moaned and whimpered beneath him as his slight thrusts were somehow already destroying you. You wonder if all the longing for him is finally catching up to you. "This past week has been fuckin' torture." He grunted as he moved into you. "All I been wantin' to do was make love to you." He added on.

He has? That makes you feel better. The way he talks to you during sex is like nothing you've seen before - but you aren't complaining. "I've wanted you Joel." You whispered before kissing him softly, a sharp breath being heard coming from him. "I know doll, trust me, I know." You felt that sly smirk go across his lips and you wanted to scoff and smack him right then and there but you couldn't - all you could do was let him destroy you.

His pace picked up and his thrusts became more sloppy and erratic. "You're so tight, Christ." He grunted as he pounded into you. You unwrapped your legs and moaned loudly as his pumps were so much more pleasure inducing now. His hands grabbed yours before he then pinned them down above your head with one hand, his other trailing down between your legs. "I'm gonna make you feel so good." He said softly before kissing your forehead.

His fingers started to play with your clit, and that's when you knew you'd be finishing real quick. It was sensitive, that entire are was. As you squirmed, Joel didn't stop, his fingers only moved faster. Him rubbing you mixed with his thrusts was too much. "I'm gonna cum." You moaned out as your eyes closed and back began to arch. "That'a girl, cum for me baby." He said in a low, deep voice before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

As you came, you tightened around him and that finished Joel off too. "Fuck." He pounded into you so hard as he finished, his fingers never letting up on your nub. You gripped the brown sheets beneath you as your orgasm flooded your brain, body and soul - it was an excellent one. He was quick to now stop rubbing you and instead, grabbing you and hugging you gently, encasing you in his big arms as you finished. You didn't expect that, honestly.

You kept your arms on his shoulders and your legs around his torso. His hand was on the back of your head, caressing your hair and his other around your back. "You did so well." He stated before looking into your eyes, cupping your face and kissing you. You kissed him back and began to roll your hips against him again, feeling him get hard inside of you. "What are you doin'?" "You know what I'm doing." You then pulled him out of you and took his condom off, tossing it into your floor. "Just pull out."

"Baby, c'mon, I'm outta commission." He snickered as you fully sat on his lap now, his back against your wall. "Are you though." You began to pump him in your hand, instantly getting him fully hard again. "Fuck." He groaned and squeezed your ass before spanking you. You sat down on his cock and whimpered softly, placing your hands upon his shoulders as you began to bounce on him with a speed that he didn't expect so soon.

His hands remained on your ass as you rode him. You giggled and tilted your head back, letting your hair flow out and your tits jiggle excessively. He smirked and grabbed one, wrapping his mouth around it and slurping his tounge all over. You snickered and pet his head as he did, kissing the top of it too. "Love these things." He said starkly before switching to the other and sucking on your nipple. It felt so good and somehow the sensation was being felt in your pulsing cunt - Joel is like a pro at this shit.

Inside of you, you felt him twitch but you didn't stop. "God, it feels so good." You moaned before kissing him again, your tounge greedily moving with his. He gripped your ass tightly and occasionally slapped it as you rode him, making sure you felt it real good. "Still so wet." He glanced down at his dick that had your juices coating it. "That's so fuckin' hot." He then began to kiss your neck and shoulders, his hands now on your hips.

"I feel like I'm gonna... Oh shit." You moaned as you felt your orgasm overcome you once again. "Shit, up, baby up." He grabbed your hips and you pulled him out of you, his cum spewing onto your lower stomach. Joel panted and snickered, kissing the side of your face, then your ear. He came down from his high a lot quicker than you did. You can't even recall the last time you had two orgasms in the span of five minutes.

You plopped back onto your bed and sighed softly, pulling your blanket over you. He smiled and set a hand over your covered thigh. "Did I break you?" "Mhm." You nodded and closed your eyes. The man fucked you to sleep. You are wore out. He chuckled deeply and left a kiss on your cheek. "I gotta go then." Joel stood up and quickly got dressed; Truthfully, you watched the whole time. "Okay." You whispered.

Joel stepped closer to your bed and kneeled down to meet your eye level. "Come stay over again soon, maybe I'll find a way to weasel you into my room." He winked and kissed you softly. He stood up and right as he was about to exit, you sat up. "Joel." He turned around. "Yeah?" "Do you still have my panties?" He snorted and nodded. "Delicious girl... Yep, I do." "Oh..." You never seen him smile so genuinely before. "They are mine now." He then closed your bedroom door and left.

-

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache and your legs felt extremely wobbly. You decided to send him a message, despite it being only nine am.

Saturday

"I'm broken."

Not even minutes later, he responded.

"That's the Joel Miller affect for you baby."

"Cocky motherfucker." You laughed to yourself before setting your phone down and finishing your breakfast.

[justliketoreadsowhat]

Not So Simple 𖣊

𖣊𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞

𖣊𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐈 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬.

---------------------------------

College is hard enough, early morning classes, late nights spent studying, countless hours of being on campus, eyes glued a to computer screen with a sore back and raging migraines. So why do you do it? Why not get a full-time job after high school, move out on your own, and try to make good meaning of your life? It could all be so simple, yet you chose the not so simple route.

“Class will resume Wednesday, make sure you all of our sections 1-4 and come back ready to discuss” The chirpy behavior seemed so painful to bear at 8 am on a cold Monday morning. A cringing realization that this profession will soon become your reality, teaching.

Standing to your feet with all the feeling rushing back through your veins that had fallen asleep hours ago due to inactivity. Slinging on your bookbag slowly making your way into the empty halls of the Education Department. The fresh morning sun beamed through the tinted windowpanes with a poorly faded decal of the infamous UConn Husky mascot plastered in each corner. By the time the rusted elevator reached the lower level, there were exactly 10 minutes left to arrive to your next class “Identity and Communication”

This was another hard stop in the hard you’ve solemnly adjusted to after finding out you had to take a graduate class as an elective in order to graduate next year. Nevertheless, the class only had an underwhelming total of 15 students with little to no excitement. Granted it was only week 3, yet it felt like years had passed.

Within 5 minutes to spare, you sat in the middle row as you do every day, causally observing the students dragging their feet through the doorway. The professor never really left his desk unless he felt like actually teaching us something besides numerous PowerPoints. As the slideshow went along you found yourself getting lost in the coloring app you used religiously on your iPad, since nobody sat behind you, there was no use in hiding it. Picking out your next color carefully, a cold breeze moved past you nearly sending your Apple Pencil flying to the ground. Looking up in annoyance you were met with nothing. Swiftly turning your head just enough to look behind you, you were met with a pair of blue irises glossed over, accompanied by a shade of purple glasses that framed her face to near perfection.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your uh.. coloring thing” her eyes darting to your screen on full display. A small smirk formed across her face “What app is that tho? I might need to download it”

“It’s called um- Color Rouge” answering softly to hide the sheer panic rising through your blood. Out of all the years you’ve attended UConn, not once have you seen their star-studded player, at least not this up close and personal before. Social media doesn’t give her enough justice.

“Bet say less” She nodded, sitting back in her seat, spreading her long legs, knees slightly pushing the back of your seat. Her slim veiny hands pulled out an iPad similar to yours, except hers was much bigger, fitted with a lavender-purple case. You didn’t dare let your eyes wander further down, shifting your attention back to the front of the class, no longer interested in the content being shown on the screen, or your “coloring thing”

How have you never seen her before in this class?

You’re not the greatest when it comes to paying attention but surely you wouldn’t miss someone like Paige.

An airdrop notification appeared on your screen, the name PB starred at the top. Slicing your thoughts in half as you accepted it without thinking twice. The notes app opened as it read “do you happen to have a charger?"

Your eyebrows raised as you searched through your bag, praying you had remembered to grab it this morning. Eventually grabbing the cord that was accustomed by bright pink protectors to keep it from tangling, Turning back to her figure you placed the charger in her hands, softly grazing her fingertips unconsciously.

Paige's eyes wandered across your face shameless before dropping her gaze to the cord "Everything's gotta be pink huh?"

She had already observed your pink iPad case, pink phone case, pink water bottle, and of course, your pink bookbag. Usually your nails would be coated in a shade of pink but, in honor of the fall season, you decided to go with a deep shade of mocha brown with gold accents swirled on your ring fingers.

"Yea I love pink, you don't like pink?" you prodded in confusion, more so amused by her way of conversing so easily with a stranger.

"No I like pink but, Ion think I'll ever achieve your level of favoritism", I appreciate it though"

Her tone was hard to read, you couldn't tell if she was being smart or if it was just her. To make matters worse, you kinda liked it.

"You're welcome, y'know you could've just asked me instead of sending me a note" you voiced, now completely facing her.

"Nah there's no fun in that" shaking her head “I jus wanna make sure I keep your attention pretty girl”

Oh She had it, easily.

This was going to be a long semester

[meo-eiru]

Kind of a random question not about art, but about your Japanese.

Are you self-taught or did you take some sort of classes and how much did it take you to get to the lvl you're at?

If you'd be comfortable with sharing some info on that, that'd be great 💗 It's just, I dunno, very impressive to me that you have enough skill to understand media in that language and it's something that'd be very useful to me too, so I'm just gathering information :3 I don't know if that makes sense lol

Oh god you can't imagine for how long I've been meaning to answer this ask, it was constantly floating at the back of my head

I'm self-taught! I didn't take any actual Japanese lessons and have been seriously studying it for around a little over 2 years (started around the end of 2022 I think??)

I had a huge weeb phase back in middle school where I'd watch like 10 episodes of naruto per day which caused me to quickly develop an ear for Japanese and I was able to understand most of the simple sentences I heard.

Around the end of 2022 I decided I wanted to learn how to read it too (mostly so that I can have more access to Japanese yandere content) and used duolingo to quickly memorize hiragana and katakana.

As many of you are probably aware duolingo is NOT good when it comes to learning kanji though, so after experimenting with a few different apps and sites, around the start of 2023 I settled on WaniKani which is an amazing site for kanji and vocabulary learning.

I was having a lot of fun studying Japanese so after a few months I decided to try my chance at that year's JLPT N3 and actually managed to pass it. With that boost I signed up for 2024's N2 and passed it too.

Here are a few apps and youtube channels that personally helped me a lot with studying:

Nihongo no Mori

Japanese with Yuka

[the---hermit]

20|02|2025

Every day there is a new problem and a new existential crisis about it. I was expecting this last semester to be super smooth and it's the complete opposite. Hopefully I'll figure out how to work things out for the best. As for actual studying today I started on my last non mandatory chapter, which I actually found out is two chapters from the same book. I have finished the first, and tomorrow I will finish the second, leaving me with just two more pieces of material for this class. I will definitely not be finishing everything by the end of the week but that's fine. I'd also like to tidy up the notes I took in class, so I'll need at least half a day for that, probably on Saturday.

10/50 days of productivity

read first thing in the morning

worked on the last non-mandatory article for my spaces of knowledge class (I completed the first half and started working on the second)

looked into infos on the professor I plan on asking to be my thesis advisor and unless there are big big changes I will be emailing him right after my spring exam season to talk about it

tried to update my classes plan on my uni's website - had several existential crisis about it - ended up finding kind of a solution but I am neither sure nor thrilled about it

sent a ticket to uni staff because of course there were problems on the app that I cannot solve by myself

set up my bujo for next week and realized we are basically at the end of the month wtf

Irish on duolingo

📖: Witchcraft For Wayward Girls by Grady Hendrix

[msmk11]

Everything to Everyone

James Potter x fem!reader

WC: tbh I don’t know, I just raw-dogged this in the app

CW: ANGST, HURT-COMFORT, panic attack, r is very sad and doesn’t take care of herself

Summary: you can’t keep doing this

A/n: Don’t know what this is; might be garbage; but this is just a reflection of my brain and my desperate need for someone like to james to comfort me rn; I need to be someone’s everything 😭

<>

It’s all too much, trying to be everything for everyone all of the time. It consumes you- the need to help others, to serve them in any way possible. To be their shoulder to cry on. The arms to hold them. The voice cheering them on. The hands to build them castles in the sky.

Perhaps it’s founded in your insatiable hunger to be well-liked, loved even.

Maybe it’s rooted in your fear that everyone will leave you, and that maybe maybe, if you try hard enough, they won’t.

Regardless of its cause, your involuntary obligation to others has pushed you to the edge, leaving you broken and exhausted. You want to cry out for help, for someone to notice, but they don’t. It’s not their fault. You know it isn’t. They can’t read your mind for goodness sake. But still, you wish they’d notice. To stop and think about you for a moment.

Today is no different, your list of promises to others longer than the one to yourself. Although it’s a Saturday, your day is jam packed with plans. First, you’ve promised Peter that you’ll make a quick trip with him to Hogsmeade this morning to pick up fire whiskey for the party tonight. After that you’re due for tea with Mary at Madame Pudifoots before you have to rush back to Hogwarts to meet Remus and Lily for a study session in the library. And fuck- at some point you’ll have to stitch up a hole in Marlene’s jersey and braid Sirius’ hair for the game. And the game. You’ve promised James, your lovely boyfriend and captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team, that you’ll be there. He needs his “lucky charm.”

You’re down in the common room at 10 on the nose, sleep still heavy on your eyes despite the time. Peter ambles down the stairs a few minutes later, his big jacket wrapped tightly around him.

The cold air outside is bitter on your nose and burns your cheeks. You bundle your face further into the collar of your coat and wish you would’ve worn a scarf. As you walk, Peter yaps on to you about the girl from his Divination class that he has a crush on. You’re enthusiastic that he has a crush, and that he feels comfortable enough to share it with you, but your heart hangs heavy in your chest regardless. You can’t quite muster up the genuine smile you usually give to everyone, and instead settle for a dim but encouraging one.

After you triple check that Peter can carry all of the fire whiskey back to the castle, you trudge across the way to Madame Pudifoots. Mary is already nestled into a corner when you arrive and she waves brightly at you. While the warmth of the shop and your friend is welcome, the thick perfume in the air and the sweet array of biscuits and cookies makes your head ache and stomach churn. Much like Peter, the brunette does most of the talking, catching you up on gossip around the castle. You give a lot of dramatic gasps, wide eyes, and giggles, but they’re as fake as the flowers on the table before you.

By the time you arrive to the library with what feels like a whole ton of books slung over your shoulder, you think you could drop dead from exhaustion. You find Lily and Remus in a heated discussion about some charms theory and wonder if they’d even notice if you slipped out. Of course, Lily catches your eye in the next second and waves you over. She quickly brings you into the debate, and you give the redhead your two cents. Your opinion, it seems, sets off a whole other conversation. Luckily, this time, you can just tune them out, instead focusing on the words of the book before you. Although now that you’re looking at it, all of the words seem to be swimming together in a blurry mess. And, is that a wet spot on the page? Are you crying? You reach up and, sure enough, another hot tear trails down your face. Panicked, you bend down under the guise of tying your shoe and wipe them away quickly. Remus and Lily can’t see you crack. They can’t.

You know that it’s all really getting to you when Sirius lets out more than one yelp as you do his hair. He complains that you’re going to pull it all out, and perhaps he isn’t wrong. You loosen your grip slightly but wince when you brush over one of the fresh cuts on your hands from sewing up Marlene’s jersey. The bandaid covers the cut, but doesn’t dull the slight throbbing pain in your palm. The pain and Sirius’ whining makes you want to yell at him and tell him to do it himself. But you don’t, and instead stay quiet. When his hair is finished, you peck his forehead in apology and boost his vanity.

“Oi, Black! Trying to steal my girl, are you?”

You nearly start bawling on the spot at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice. Relief and calm wash over you as you feel his strong arms wrap around you. Instinctively, you lean back into his chest and sigh, closing your eyes.

You’re certain that Sirius and James are bantering back and forth some more but you tune them out in favor of enjoying the vibrations of your boyfriend’s voice through his chest. It’s pleasant enough that you think you could fall asleep.

You’re only startled out of your stupor when James’ soft lips press gentle kisses to each of your eyelids. Your eyes flutter open and you smile at him softly.

“Hi angel,” he greets, pecking your lips.

You return the kiss eagerly and James chuckles.

“Ready for the game tonight?”

You’d forgotten about the game momentarily, but now it comes rushing back. The thought of having to do anything else besides just lay in your boyfriend’s arms makes you want to cry. You swallow the lump in your throat, “of course, Jamie. And I’ll have your jersey on like usual.”

He gives you another quick peck, “my lucky charm.”

And then he’s moving away from you, far too fast for your taste, and you nearly whine. He collects his water and broom and turns back to you with a grin.

“See you at the game, love.”

You only whisper out a goodbye before he’s gone.

The game has been going on for far too long and you’re beginning to lose all feeling in your extremities. Like usual, James is playing great. And you’re proud of him, you really are. But you don’t want to be here anymore. You just want to lay in your bed and close off the world, rotting away in a puddle of self-induced misery.

But this fact in itself makes you feel worse than you already do. The guilt of it all- of being fake, insecure, and unsupportive- is eating you alive. Your friends deserve better. James deserves better.

It’s too much, too much, too much. And you feel like you’re suffocating.

So you’re beyond relieved when Gryffindor catches the snitch and you can leave. Though you normally stay to congratulate James, you don’t have it in you to do it. You figure you’ll see him later, so you rush back to the castle, trying to escape the notice of your friends.

While your bed calls to you most, living in a dorm doesn’t promise any privacy. So you go to the only place you know will- the room of requirement.

It accommodates you enough. The room has shifted into a remarkable replica of your bedroom back home. You collapse onto the bed instantly and your head barely hits the pillow before the sobs you’ve choked back all day finally escape you.

It’s like a dam breaking loose, a flood of emotions overcoming you. Sadness smashes into you like waves, guilt grips your throat tightly, choking you, anger heats your face, and self-loathing broils in your stomach. You can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t, can’t.

Why, why, why, why, why?

You’re so tired of giving, giving, giving. Being everything to everyone and nothing to yourself. Your body is a storm of emotions but your heart is the eye of the hurricane- silent and hollow.

You curl in on yourself, grabbing onto your legs tightly, trying to grip any sense of reality you have left. But your body shakes and your hands slip. It does little to ground you and you’re lost in another dimension, another reality. You can’t breathe, nothing feels real, and the world feels like it’s ending.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, everything, everything, everything.

“Angel, you gotta breathe for me.”

A voice breaks through your fog but you can’t focus in on what it’s saying.

“Baby, my love, look at me. You gotta take a breath.”

Through your shaking and tears you barely make out James’ figure. And when your eyes clear a little you see his eyes. It’s the first real thing you sense again, and you grasp onto it desperately. His hazel eyes stare at you, so calmly, and you get lost in them.

“Angel can you take a deep breath?”

You try to breathe but fail, only spluttering out short, shallow breaths.

“Not quite, my love. Here, match my breathing.”

James grabs your hand and puts it on his chest. You feel him breathe in deeply and hear him blow air past his lips.

“Like this.”

Still shaking aggressively, you try to inhale. Your breath is harsh and unstable, but at least longer and deeper. You purse your lips and blow, just like James does.

“That’s my girl. You’re doing it.”

You continue to breathe in and out. Each time, your breath slowly gets better. Stronger.

“Good, good. Can you tell me what happened?”

You try to think about all that’s happened and your breathing picks back up again. Tears prick at your eyes and you shake your head.

“No, no, no. It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m sorry, we won’t talk about it.”

Your body trembles and you nod appreciatively.

“Do you want a hug?”

“Y-yeah.”

You’re too weak to move towards him, so James reaches out and draws you into his lap. You bury your face in his chest and grip onto his jersey sleeves tightly. His hands rub soothing circles on your back, soft, slow, and repetitive. He intermittently places kisses to your hair, mumbling words of praise and encouragement in between.

The world starts to come back to you.

The soft sounds of James’ breathing and the whoosh of your shirt material under his hand.

His smell, a mixture of cologne and sweat.

His hot breath on your ear as he whispers to you.

His red jersey smushed against your face.

The remnants of your salty tears on your lips.

“I- I can’t keep doing this,” you mumble out. It’s barely audible, your voice hoarse from your meltdown.

“What’d you say, angel?”

“I can’t keep doing this, Jamie.”

He pulls you away from his chest and looks deeply into your eyes, his own so filled with concern.

“You can’t keep doing what?”

“Being everything to everyone all of the time. I- I can’t. It’s too much. I give and help and say yes when I can’t. But, but I can’t do it anymore.”

“Oh, my love,” James sighs, hugging you impossibly tighter, “you don’t have to, not anymore. You don’t have to be anything to anyone besides yourself. They’ll love you regardless. I promise.”

“But what if they don’t?” You whisper, your voice thick with tears.

“I’ll love you regardless. You’re my light, my love, my life just because you’re you.”

He pauses thoughtfully.

“You don’t need to be everything to everyone when you’re already everything to me. And hopefully soon, you can be everything to yourself.”

[academicfever]

A practical, step-by-step approach to break free from phone and content addiction:

The goal is to create a lifestyle that is much more attractive than going back to the void for momentary pleasure

Environment Modification

Place your phone in a different room while working/studying

Use a basic alarm clock instead of phone alarm

Create phone-free zones (bedroom, dining area)

Put your phone in grayscale mode to reduce visual appeal

Delete most engaging/addictive apps

Move remaining social apps to the last screen of your phone

Replace Addictive Behaviors Instead of reaching for your phone when:

Waking up → Do light stretching, drink water

Feeling bored → Keep a book handy, practice a hobby

Taking breaks → Go for a short walk, do quick exercises

Before bed → Read, journal, or meditate

Waiting in line → Practice mindfulness, observe surroundings

Eating → Focus on your food, practice mindful eating

#Build Healthy Digital Habits

Use app timers (set 30-minute daily limits for social apps)

Schedule specific times to check social media/content

Turn off all notifications except calls from important contacts

Install website blockers during work hours

Use "Do Not Disturb" mode more frequently

Keep your phone out of sight during tasks

#Create Meaningful Alternatives

Develop offline hobbies (drawing, writing, crafts)

Join in-person social groups/classes

Exercise regularly

Practice meditation

Spend time in nature

Learn a new skill that requires focus

#Mindset Shifts

Recognize triggers that lead to excessive phone use

Practice sitting with boredom

Focus on creating rather than consuming

Be present in social situations

Understand that you're not missing out by being offline

##Progressive Reduction Week 1: Baseline awareness - track your usage Week 2: Remove most addictive apps Week 3: Implement phone-free morning routine Week 4: Establish phone-free periods throughout day Week 5: Create new habits to replace phone use

# specific actionable steps:

Waking Up:

Stretch arms overhead while still in bed

Roll shoulders back and forward

Gentle spinal twists while lying down

Cat-cow stretches after getting up

Drink a full glass of room temperature water

Open curtains to get natural light exposure

Feeling Bored:

Keep a paperback book in your bag/desk

Have a small sketchbook and pen handy

Practice a portable hobby (origami, knitting)

Carry a puzzle book (sudoku, crosswords)

Learn finger exercises for dexterity

Practice a language using flashcards

Taking Breaks:

Walk up and down stairs

Do 5 minutes of jumping jacks or squats

Step outside for fresh air

Shoulder rolls and neck stretches

Quick cleaning task in your space

Simple breathing exercises

Before Bed:

Write three gratitude points

Plan tomorrow's tasks

Read a physical book (not e-book)

Do gentle yoga or stretching

Practice progressive muscle relaxation

Write about your day's experiences

Waiting in Line:

Notice five things you can see

Focus on four things you can feel

Listen for three distinct sounds

Observe people's expressions and body language

Practice good posture

Do subtle ankle and calf exercises

Eating:

Notice the temperature of your food

Chew each bite thoroughly (aim for 20-30 chews)

Identify different flavors and textures

Put your utensil down between bites

Sit at a proper table when possible

Express gratitude for your meal

Remember: The goal isn't to be perfect, but to gradually build these healthier habits. Start with one context (like mealtime) and build from there.

Here's how to handle those intense urges to check your phone;

#Immediate Physical Response

Take 3 deep breaths

Stand up or change your position

Clench and unclench your fists

Stretch your arms overhead

Drink a full glass of water

Walk to a different room

#The 10-Minute Rule

Tell yourself "I'll wait just 10 minutes"

Set an actual timer

Often the urge passes within this window

If it doesn't, the pause still gives you control

#Urge Surfing Technique

Acknowledge the urge without judgment

Notice where you feel it in your body

Observe how it rises and falls

Remember urges are temporary waves

They typically peak at 20-30 seconds

#Quick Alternatives

Do 10 jumping jacks

Write down what you're feeling

Look out the window and find 5 specific things

Organize something small nearby

Hum your favorite song

Stretch your fingers and hands

# Ask Yourself:

"What am I trying to avoid right now?"

"What am I actually needing in this moment?"

"Will this matter in 24 hours?"

"What could I create instead of consume?"

#Emergency Reset Options

Splash cold water on your face

Step outside briefly

Call or text a friend

Do a quick physical task

Listen to one song

Write down your current goal

Remember: Each time you resist an urge; you're building stronger neural pathways. The urge will get easier to manage with practice.

##A targeted journaling approach to redirect that "random lookup" energy into something more meaningful:

#Curiosity Journal Structure

Keep two sections:

"Questions I Want to Answer" (capture random thoughts)

"Planned Research Time" (dedicated lookup sessions)

Date each entry

Include how urgent each question feels (1-5 scale)

Note why you want to know this information

#Daily Practice Morning Brain Dump (5-10 minutes):

Write all questions floating in your mind

Add topics you might want to explore

Rate their true importance

Schedule specific research time

Evening Reflection:

Which questions still matter?

What did you learn today?

What patterns do you notice in your curiosity?

Was the information you looked up actually valuable?

#Implementation Rules

Write down every urge to look something up

Wait at least 30 minutes before researching

Batch similar questions together

Set specific research time blocks (e.g., 4-4:30 PM)

Review old questions - many become irrelevant

#Question Categories Create sections for:

Essential Knowledge (work/study related)

Personal Growth

Pure Entertainment

Practical Needs

Random Curiosity

This helps you:

See patterns in your distractions

Identify what truly matters

Transform impulse into intentional learning

Build focus and patience

[glowup-princess]

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴜᴅʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʀᴏʀʏ ɢɪʟᴍᴏʀᴇ

1. Create a Diverse Reading List

Follow Rory’s example by reading widely. Include classics, contemporary works, and non-fiction. Some essentials from her reading list: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, 1984 by George Orwell, and Beloved by Toni Morrison.

Commit to reading a set number of books each month.

2. Take Detailed Notes

Rory was always prepared for class discussions and essays. Practice active listening during lectures and organize notes with key points, summaries, and questions to follow up on later.

Use tools like colored pens, highlighters, or apps like Notion to keep notes neat.

3. Plan Like a Pro

Use a planner or a digital calendar to keep track of assignments, deadlines, and study schedules. By staying organized, Rory balanced school and extracurriculars.

Break tasks into manageable chunks and prioritize daily.

4. Embrace the Library Life

Rory loved studying in libraries. Find a quiet, inspiring place to focus. If possible, study at different locations to keep it fresh.

Use library resources, like books and archives, for deeper learning.

5. Stay Curious and Research Deeply

Rory often went beyond what was required. If a topic interests you, research it further. Watch documentaries, read related articles, or discuss it with a mentor.

Take a “journalist’s approach” by asking thoughtful questions and seeking multiple perspectives.

6. Prioritize Academics

Rory always made school her priority. Dedicate specific hours each day to studying, reviewing notes, or working on projects. Stick to this schedule consistently.

Avoid procrastination by starting early and pacing yourself.

7. Practice Self-Reflection

Rory frequently evaluated her progress and adjusted her goals (e.g., transferring to Yale). Reflect on your performance and identify areas for improvement.

Keep a journal to track your academic and personal growth.

8. Find a Study Buddy or Mentor

Rory had Paris as a competitor and study partner. Find someone who can challenge and inspire you, whether it's a friend, mentor, or classmate.

Collaborate on projects or prepare for exams together.

9. Engage in Extracurricular Activities

Rory worked on the school newspaper, which honed her writing and time management skills. Join clubs, teams, or activities that align with your passions and boost your skills.

Look for opportunities that complement your academic interests.

10. Balance with Self-Care

Rory balanced hard work with fun, like movie nights and coffee breaks at Luke’s. Schedule time for relaxation and hobbies to avoid burnout.

Develop healthy habits: sleep well, eat nutritiously, and stay hydrated.

Remember be kind to yourself <3

pt.2?

Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated <3

[manualamadrugada]

God I don't ever want to defend the US, but people think because the US is an insane military power and a global menace that their citizenship is privileged, which for the majority is simply not the case. The life expectancy between Argentina and US has a differential of less than 1. Argentina has a higher literacy rate than the US. Argentina has widespread functional public transportation that is sparse in the US. Argentina doesn't have a crisis of fire arms. You can complain about perception all you want, but demeaning the average American citizen because of a global reputation built by propaganda isn't the bold leftist stance you think it is. Grow up and stop pretending USAmericans are some monolith acting against the "third world" and not people living in a fascist republic. Your attitude is a hurdle to global working class cooperation.

"i don't ever want to defend the US" *literally writes a huge paragraph defending it*

The US being an insane military power and a "global menace" (not exactly the words I'd use but oh well) is PRESICELY why their citizenship is privileged. Or what? You think the US military invades and destroys other countries for the funsies? That military is in place to make sure the US has those privileges. That's why you can have all kinds of fruits and vegetables available all year round, that's why imported products are cheaper for you than they are for the people who's countries they actually came from, that's why your idea of "poor" is a third world person's idea of middle class or sometimes even rich, that's why in literally every career you already have an advantage over being born in the US.

I don't get the purpose of your little rant. Are you trying to tell me Argentina is more privileged than the US??? Did you actually sent me this ask for the conclusion to be "actually I'm the victim here"? Sorry have you ever spent over 300 thousand on groceries and smiled because you thought it was gonna be WAY more???? Have you had to see your friend work over 10 hours a day for basically nothing while studying at the same time so he can take care of his family??

Please, since you're such an expert on my country please explain to me how GOOD we have it. Go on.

"Reputation build by propaganda" sorry I'm not ussmerican, I don't base my opinions on whole countries based on what my government tells me. I speak to usamerican people on this and other apps every day. I'm constantly bombarbed with you news while you people get to just ignore everything that happens in the rest of the world. On the other hand I wouldn't bet my savings on you actually talking to an argentinian person before.

[youkaigakkou-tl]

Yohaji Final Exam! (Trivia quiz)

Take it here -> https://youkaigakkou.smartbuzz.jp/app/Quiz/16

You'll get one of 3 possible phone wallpapers if you get all questions correct!

Question translations below ⬇️

Q1: What does the NEET Beniko do at home?

Game

Study

Cook

Work out

Q2: How tall is Oota-kun in his giant form?

100m

110m

120m

130m

Q3: The Ogata twins were reading a youkai smut manga when their phones were confiscated. What was the smut manga's title?

Yuki-onna in the afternoon

Melancholy of the Kuchisake-onna

The Nure-onna's wet spot

Youkai diaries

Q4: During a lesson outside school, they ran into an old woman. What was her job?

Medium

Yoga instructor

Fortune teller

Hostess

Q5: When the group went to Haruaki's house, where was the train that they took going back headed for?

Hakata

Nagoya

Hiroshima

Okayama

Q6: When Hijita won first place at the scavenger hunt during sports day, what did he call himself?

The rice paddy wizard

Mud field-sensei

The mud devil

The galewind mud ball

Q7: When Haruaki was the anchor for the obstacle relay race, how many boxes was his first obstacle?

100

500

1,000

10,000

Q8: Tamao and Kuniko were late one day, they said their reason was "saving a XXX who was being shaken down". What was XXX?

Dog

Cat

Sparrow

Turtle

Q9: In the Karasutengu troupe, Ranmaru is the captain, Bonmaru is the lieutenant, what is Tenmaru's position?

Scribe

Public relations

Accountant

Advisor

Q10: During the Spookology exam at the old schoolhouse, the class divided into 4 groups. Which hand sign did Fuji Touya make when the groups were decided?

Rock

Scissors

Paper

Heart

Q11: Mame's family in Shikoku is part of the Shikoku Tanuki Alliance XXXX group? What is XXXX?

Ponpokopon

Pokoponpon

Ponponpoko

Ponpokopoko

Q12: Takahashi Akira likes cars. What color is his current favorite open-top?

Black

White

Red

Blue

Q13: Factorize this equation: x² + 5x + 6

(x+2)(x+3)

(x+1)(x+4)

(x+5)(x+6)

(x+2)(x+4)

Q14: How many hydrogen molecules are in 2.0mol of H2O?

2.4 x 10²⁴

2.4 x 10²⁵

2.4 x 10²⁶

2.4 x 10²⁷

Q15: Arrange these events in chronological order:

Kiyomizu-dera built

Envoy missions to Tang China abolished

"The Pillow Book" completed

"Genji Monogatari" completed

Envoy missions to Tang China abolished -> "The Pillow Book" completed -> "Genji Monogatari" completed -> Kiyomizu-dera built

Envoy missions to Tang China abolished -> Kiyomizu-dera built -> "The Pillow Book" completed -> "Genji Monogatari" completed

Kiyomizu-dera built -> "The Pillow Book" completed -> "Genji Monogatari" completed -> Envoy missions to Tang China abolished

Kiyomizu-dera built -> Envoy missions to Tang China abolished -> "The Pillow Book" completed -> "Genji Monogatari" completed

Answers:

1 4 3 1 1 4 3 2 1 4 1 2 1 1 4

The Haruakis when you get a wrong answer/didn't get all questions correct are really cute...

Also here's all 3 wallpapers so you don't have to redo the quiz 20 times getting the same 2 every time and end up having to get the 3rd one from someone else

[tutopialearningapp]

#1 Online Bengali Educational App For Class 10 Students 2023

Tutopia is one of the best bengali learning app for class 10 for your 10th class online classes live. They make excellent tutorials for students who will achieve their goals through online tuition classes.

[charlottecherries]

HTBBW Part Four- Study Routine

Organisation

Schedule any assignments or exams as soon as you learn of the date

Create hard and soft deadlines for any work that just be completed

Make a weekly time table that includes lectures, study sessions, work and free time

Break up large tasks and create check lists

Download organisation apps like google calendar and notion

Track your progress throughout assignments

Create a deadline for a certain amount of progress per project, for example finishing 10% or one paragraph of an essay by a specific date

Make to do lists in the morning

Prioritise Effectiveness

Time management is key so scheduling is important

Find what method of studying works best for you

Never study until you get tired, its best to take breaks just before you lose focus of begin to feel fatigued

If you begin to lose focus or struggle with one thing don't be afraid to pivot to something else

Stay Prepared

Always complete reading prior to lectures or classes and make notes on key topics

Read power point slides before the lecture and create headings based on the information

Find reading lists in your subjects as quick as possible

Continue to reading during spring, summer and winter breaks

Study both Alone and with Others

Studying alone will prevent distractions and allow you to complete tasks like essays, reading, portfolios and presentations

Studying with others can increase motivation and accountability

The best tasks to complete with others are memory based. Test each other with flash cards or ask questions based on a specific text.

Teaching others what you know can help consolidate understanding and improve memory

Be confident and never give up

Motivate yourself with visuals of your goals and dreams, place pictures and notes above your desk or on your walls

Remind yourself of why you are doing what you are

No one is going to save you so complete your work

You don't get things you don't ask for, so seek out opportunities

Make things happen for yourself

You don't always get what you want on the first try and persevere

Series Masterlist

[lottiestudying]

hi lottie !! hope you're doing well 🤎

i'm in my third year of uni and the workload is seriously stressing me out. i was wondering if you had any neurodivergent-specific study tips as someone who's managed to graduate ! (i myself am lvl 2 autistic for context)

hi there!!

thanks for the q! i have l3 ASD, so hopefully these tips will help you 🤍 first of all just wanna say you’re doing amazing for getting this far, higher education is not built for autistic people.

organisation - so so so important. find a planning system that agrees with your brain. for me, it’s a 365 page daily planner (i use a hobonichi cousin avec). but for you it could be notion, a bullet journal (developed by someone with ADHD, don’t be fooled by the pretty spreads online, the actual method is very basic/minimal), a standard weekly planner, Google calendar, the notes app on your phone, etc.

routine - we thrive on routine!! make sure to have a study routine in place so you don’t fall behind. i always like to stay at least one week ahead of the content, so i do the next weeks class reading the week before.

give yourself enough time - make sure to give yourself enough time to complete assignments. this means starting super early in the semester. you see a lot of discourse online about doing assignments the night before it’s due, but this really won’t work for most autistic brains (maybe if you also have raging ADHD it might, but autism needs time).

disability support - if your uni has a disability office, reach out to them to see if you are eligible for any accomodations. accomodations i have include it being easier for me to get extensions, class attendance flexibility, extra time on quizzes & exams. these are the main ones i use every semester to keep me going.

generally, it’s better to do a little bit everyday then leave it all to the end. 2-4 hours a day, consistently, is better then a random 10 hour day that leaves you burnout for the next week.

i hope this is helpful. i can’t really give subject specific advice since i study in the social sciences and im not sure what you study, but i hope this is somewhat helpful even if it’s a bit general

[starryaspirant]

Finally feeling productive today!

I missed my targets for two days because I honestly felt so dull and I was just not able to concentrate. But the guilt of losing these two days made my next few days also not much productive, however, doesn’t mean I did nothing.

I tried to follow a strict routine of waking up at 3 and then sleep by 11 and study atleast 10+ hours a day which was successful, however, my sleep cycle was badly messed up, my efficiency decreased like something that I could easily finish in 20 minutes, took me more than half an hour😩

And even though I ended up studying for more than 10 hours each day, I did not feel the satisfaction of being productive.

So, I will try to modify my plan a bit. For today, I slept till I wanted to, woke up happy, completed chapters much faster, learned easily and studied for 8 hours with 2 hours excluded for eating and things, so basically I got much more done in 6 hours and I’m feeling so happy now 😄

Also, I had my phone switched off during these days and at night I would be too exhausted to check and reply to my texts, made me realise I missed many important texts from class groups and so, I decided to keep my phone on, except just deleted a few reading apps ‘cause seeing them made me want to read and then I would not study 😭

I swear once my exams are done, the first thing I’ll do is sleep plenty and install those apps back 😤

Anyhow, so that was my rant.

I should get back to studying!

[eretzyisrael]

M.A. Rothman  

Harvard Just Released its Final Report on Antisemitism and Anti-Israel Bias.

It’s 300+ pages and pretty devastating to read.

I thought I knew what was going on at Harvard, but even I wasn't prepared for this.

#1 A Jewish student was told they couldn’t share the story of their Holocaust-survivor grandfather’s rescue efforts because he helped Jews reach British Mandate Palestine.

Organizers said it was “not tasteful” and “inherently one-sided” because it mentioned Israel.

#2 Many Jewish and Israeli students were told their presence was offensive.

Some were asked to denounce Israel to be considered “one of the good ones.”

This came from every part of campus including peers, instructors, and faculty.

#3 Jewish students on academic trips were told their “Jewish tradition had become indistinct from a settler-colonial project.”

Some were told they shared guilt for "atrocities" committed by Israel.

#4 After Oct 7, Jewish students faced an avalanche of hatred on anonymous apps.

This digital harassment contributed heavily to a climate of fear and isolation.

Posts saying “Israel deserved it” were upvoted.

“It was surprising to see educated people post such horrible things”

#5 Some students posted images reading “Decolonization is not a metaphor” with blood dripping from the text labeled as Jewish blood.

Other posts regularly used terms like “Israeli scum” and “Zionist dirtbags.”

#6 Israeli students had it particularly hard. Many avoided certain degree programs, courses, and class discussions because of antisemitic hostility.

One said they felt every comment was filtered through: “The Israeli is speaking.”

#7 One administrator told a Jewish student they were in “a whole world of trouble” for deleting horrifically offensive antisemitic posts from a group chat.

#8 At a Harvard Law event for the families of the hostages, Harvard chose to move the Jewish students for safety reasons while protestors roamed around freely.

“They walk around like they own the place.”

#9 As we well know, chants like “Globalize the Intifada” were widespread on campus.

Many Israeli students on campus survived the Second Intifada and said that hearing it chanted daily was traumatizing.

Anyone who spent time in Israel during that period knows what they mean.

#10 At a Harvard’s Center for Middle Eastern Studies event in Harvard Divinity School, Oct 7 was described as an attack on “Israeli Jewish settlements.” in an effort to dehumanize the victims and erase the civilian massacre that took place.

#11 At the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Healths "Palestine Program", Israel was portrayed as existing only to oppress Palestinians.

When Jewish students raised concerns, they were asked, “Who is more marginalized, Jews or Palestinians?”

#12 In a university-wide survey, most respondents said they do not feel safe expressing their political views.

They feared academic or professional consequences.

Jewish students were twice as likely as their non-Jewish, non-Muslim peers to feel unwelcome and unsafe at Harvard

Responding to a slightly differently worded question, even larger percentages of Jewish students (67%) expressed discomfort sharing their opinions in general, with that number rising to 73% when it came to expressing political opinions. Students who are neither Muslim nor Jewish were 20 percentage points less likely to express such discomfort.

Almost 60% of Jewish students reported experiencing "discrimination, stereotyping, or negative bias on campus due to [their] views on current events," and only 25% believed that there was no "academic or professional penalty" at Harvard for expressing their views.

#13 The rest of the report continues in much the same vein, though it places significant emphasis on anti-Muslim hate which I found odd, given that a separate report was commissioned to address that.

This report is a damning indictment of the most prestigious university in America.

That it took Trump getting elected to force change is an embarrassment.

That the president quit because she couldn’t say calling for genocide is wrong is shameful.

Can anyone seriously imagine Harvard treating any other minority the way it treated Jews over the past year and a half?

The utter disdain and complete disregard for their well-being is visible on nearly every page of this report.

I'm not optimistic that this report will change anything.

But it guess it's a start.

Here's the full report:

https://www.harvard.edu/.../FINAL-Harvard-ASAIB-Report-4...