#Stupidness

[heisenbahlls]

template by @star-bliss8 lmao felt i should credit ^_^

Oupa. gang idk who the woman is why is she relavant she jus appears in a don flamenco cutscene pls explain also idk what acquainted means theyve all puched eachother in the face

BONUS average Bald Bull and Oupá interaction

bye heisenmobsters

[winterironrox]

A Break In

Starring: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Jarvis (A.I.).

Tony Stark’s Basement Lab, Avengers Tower.

“Jay, run the sequence again would you,” Tony mumbles through a yawn.

The screens remain the same. “Jay? You there buddy?”

Jarvis doesn’t respond. Suddenly, the lights turn off and all the screens vanish. Tony stands from his bent position as the lab doors swish open. A big shadowed figure stocks toward him.

The device Tony was working on clatters to the ground. A large hand grabs him by the upper arm. Tony feels a pinch in his neck. He then collapses into a hard fabric covered surface passing out cold.

Communal Kitchen, Avengers Tower.

“Stevil.”

Steve sighs heavily in response. “Tony, I just banned you from the lab for three days. That’s it, “ He chides, crossing to Tony who appears to be seconds away from pouring coffee all over the counter.

“Evil Steve. You are evil.”

Steve takes the coffee pot from Tony, pours the dark liquid until it’s half an inch from the top of Clint’s Pinkie Pie mug, adds a heaping teaspoon of sugar; then crosses to the fridge and adds a splash of creamer. Just the way the genius likes it.

“I never thought I’d see the day that Mr. Good turns into the worst villain imaginable.”

“Tony it’s three days. You can spend them sleeping for all I care. In fact that probably wouldn’t be a bad idea considering the position you were in when I dragged you out of the lab.” Steve hands Tony the mug making sure he has both hands on it.

“I was absolutely fine before you barged in.”

“You could barely stand and you had screws stuck to your neck.”

“I was perfectly able to stand. You don’t think maybe I just wanted to hug you so I could try and love the evil out of you. It’s not my fault love doesn’t conquer all. As for the screws, things just end up places so again not my fault.”

Tony shuffles toward the table. Steve follows behind with his hands out to catch Tony if he falls again.

They take seats next to each other. Steve picks up the smoothie he made himself earlier that morning grimacing at its now room temperature.

“And you, Jarvis, don’t think you’re off the hook. You conspired with Stevil. I nearly had a heart attack when you didn’t respond and everything shut off.”

“I apologize sir. It was not my or Captain Rogers intention to alarm you in any way. But if I may, sir? You did mute me before when I tried to request for you to retire for a few hours.”

“I don’t remember doing that.”

Jarvis plays a recording of Tony four and a half hours earlier with slurred words telling Jarvis to zip it and then Tony on the recording makes a loud squeal as something catches on fire. They hear Dum-E beeping in excitement before the recording stops.

“Okay fine, maybe a day off won’t kill me”

“You’re still not allowed back in the lab for three days, Shellhead. Jarvis and I will make sure of it.”

“Jarvis, alert the media that Captain American is a super villain.”

“Should I include the video of Mr. Rogers carrying you to the living room, gently depositing you onto the couch, and placing a blanket over you with that message?”

“He’s corrupted my child. I’ll never be able to stop them both.”

Steve tries to smother the laughter building inside him. Tony is just too cute when he’s being this ridiculous. “Tony, we just want you to take a break. We care about you.”

Tony rises from the table and turns tired red eyes to Steve, “Stevil.”

He looks at the camera in the corner of the room, “Jarvil.”

The genius then stomps out of the kitchen with authority minus when he stumbles and knocks his shoulder into the door frame.

Steve erupts with laughter.

[sauropoko]

toxic yaoi

[fredwardfall]

How comes...

that the ones who aren't stupid always feel stupid while the ones who are stupid not even realize they are?

Stupidness hurts. But mostly others.

[peregrintook]

.

[j0aniesalun4tic]

shit

[cookiecannibal]

i don't know how it is in english, but those empty CDs? in portuguese we called them "virgin CDs" which is funny as hell (and a little horny)

like yes. i will Defile you with my playlist. forever Tarnish your purity with my bad copy of The Incredibles (2004)

[sunn-flower-too]

I have the desire to compulsively eat again ... 😞

[izzythedemigod]

I just found the funniest font ever

Like. What is this. Why is this. Who is the target audience of this?

[teaboot]

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[tomorrowillbeyou]

[guiiay]

jinx and isha visit a walmart

[rowanisawriter]

this what im going thru rn. if anyone gaf

[eliotquillon]

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

[supmaww]

I can now fade away into secrecy as long as you all have dark mode enabled. if you don't I will take it personally. hey. hey you. you shouldn't be able to read this. jerk