#THANKS KRISTEN FOR THE INSPIRATION TO GO OFF.

[shubblelive]

— FRONT ROW

summary : for the first time, you see just how many fans wilbur has in person, and for the first time, you begin to feel like you might not be able to handle it.

genre : angst -> fluff, happy ending

warnings : one or two swearwords, reader gets overwhelmed, they almost break up (but not really i promise)

pairing : cc!wilbur soot x fem!reader

pronouns : she/her, reader is called wilbur's girlfriend

featuring : cc!wilbur soot, cc!ranboo (mentioned), cc!philza (mentioned), kristen

requested : @gracietaylorsversions Hiii! Ilysm could you maybe write a fic inspired by the song “dark red” by steve lacey, more specifically the part: “only you my girl, only you babe” where the reader gets insecure and jealous but wilbur makes sure to reassure her <333

word count : 1.5K

note : hello angel! now, i personallly hate writing jealousy fics i feel like i can NOT do it well, so i opted to delve more into insecurity than jealousy with this one. i'm so glad you're liking my stuff thank you so much it means the worlds

the room was massive. it was like a warehouse, but with seperate rooms off the main one, and way more people. you were in one of the separate rooms, carpeted and less crowded, a yellow card around your neck with your name written on it suspended by a lanyard. 

you weren’t a creator. you didn’t stream or make youtube videos or anything, you hardly even posted on instagram. the only reason you were attending vidcon was because of the man whose arm was wrapped around your shoulder as he chatted avidly to ranboo. 

they had a panel later, the first one since the pandemic had started. it had been somewhat of a surprise to you, when wilbur started getting so big as quickly, but you’d always know it was bound to happen. now, three years into your relationship, you were about to see your boyfriend in front of his first live audience.

one of the vidcon crew members arrived in the room as signalled everyone’s attention, everyone in your group falling silent. they’d all be leaving to go on stage soon. you wouldn’t be alone though, phil’s wife would be there in the audience with you. 

while wilbur got instructions from the crew member, another producer lead you, kristen, and a few other guests of creators into your seats, and you waited anxiously for your boyfriend to come out. 

the two of you had together since 2019. you had helped him move into his streaming office (and subsequently out of his streaming office after getting evicted), and had been there every single step of the way through his streaming career. his fans knew of you. they knew your name and what you looked like, and that you and wilbur had been dating for years, but not much more than that. 

you were as supportive of a partner as you physically could be, helping him out as much as you were able to. for his first ever vidcon, you’d been lucky enough to be able to take time off work to go to LA with him, and he’d let you know over and over how grateful he was for it. you’d held his hand across the atlantic ocean and let him go just in time for him to meet his adoring public. 

and adoring they were. it had been your first time ever truly seeing your partner’s fans in person aside from the odd chance meeting. this was extremely overwhelming. he stepped out of the wings and made eye contact with you immediately, waving at you subtly as he greeted the rest of the crowd. the featured creator hour went for, predictably, about an hour, and as your boyfriend and his friends left the stage, the audience was left to disperse on their own. you guys had saved seats for this one in advance, so you’d had a producer escort you into them, but this time it was just you and kristen in a sea of hundreds of teenagers.

“excuse me,” a small voice piped up, and you whirled around to see a young girl, no older than fourteen standing nervously behind you. she introduced herself nervously, and told you that she thought you had always seemed lovely, and asked for a photo. kristen took it for her, and she left with a beaming smile on her face as you felt your heart thrash against your ribcage. 

there were so many people here, and you were already incredibly overwhelmed by the noise, but now the knowledge that people were perceiving you, even if it was only one fourteen year old girl was just too much to handle. “hey!” you called out to kristen as you both reached the door, having to nearly yell over the noise. “bathroom, i’ll be right back.”

“do you want me to come with you?” her husband would be back in the creator lounge by now, you knew, so you shook your head. 

“no, i’ll be alright, you get back to phil. will you tell wilbur where i am though, please?” she nodded at you, and you took off towards the nearest bathroom. it was absolutely packed, so you skipped it and went straight outside to the carpark. it was hot, and you took a swig of your water bottle as you sat down on the concrete, back against the wall of the building. there were still somehow dozens of fans out here, but you didn’t care.

you needed to get better with this stuff. this was wilbur’s job, and you were his partner. if you were going to spend the rest of your life with him, then you’d need to be able to go to things like this and support him. 

he had so many people’s eyes on him, and you knew that all he wanted was yours. you couldn’t be there for him in the way you needed to. he deserved better. 

the internet was a cruel place. of course you’d seen hate of yourself. you’d seen wilbur shipped with any female friend he came into contact with, and you had always been okay about it. but maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if he dated someone from the industry. he was bound to find someone eventually, someone who loved him just as hard as you did and was able to be there to support him. 

you weren’t cut out for this. you needed wilbur.

he was beside you. “are you alright? what’s going on?” he was scanning the small scattering of fans around the carpark areas, hoping to find somewhere to get you away from prying eyes. “darling?”

“i’m okay,” your voice shook, and he helped you to your feet. “you should go back inside.”

“i am not going anywhere without you,” he said resolutely, hand securely wrapped around yours. 

“i’m such a shit girlfriend,” you tried to laugh, but their were anxious tears forming in your eyes. it was so bright that you had to squint to look at wilbur, who was shielding you from the LA sun. “i’m sorry.”

“what are you talking about?” he asked softly. “you’re not shit, darling. furthest from it, in fact. you’re the best girlfriend i’ve ever had.”

“i’d hope so considering we’re still dating,” you said quietly. “maybe we shouldn’t be, though.”

wilbur thought he couldn’t feel more anxious after the creator hour. existing in front of such a massive croud of people was something that had never felt real to him, but then he’d looked out into the audience and had seen you, and he knew that after he left he’d be able to pull you into his arms and kiss you, and that you would fix the pounding of his heart. and then he’d stepped back inside the lounge and been met with just kristen, he waited, ten, fifteen minutes, believing you when you’d said you’d gone to the bathroom, before he used the find my friends app on his phone to see where you were. but that sentence made earlier feel like the most calm he had ever felt. “you want to break up?”

his voice quivered, low and deep, and you shook your head frantically. “of course i don’t want to. i was just thinking that…”

“that we should.” he finished flatly. “why?”

his hands were still around yours, but this felt more for his sake than yours now. “i can’t do this, wilbur.” you breathed out. “i can’t do the crowds and the screaming and the hoards of people who know that i exist, i can’t do it.”

wilbur’s face crumpled with relief. “you don’t have to, darling. i promise. from now on, no more events or conventions or panels that you don’t want to go to. please, i love you so much, i’m not gonna lose you over this.”

“but you deserve to have someone there who can do these things!” you argued. “someone who gets it, who understands!”

“i don’t want someone who gets it.” wilbur shot back immediately, silencing you. “i want you. i love you so much, darling. i don’t care if you don’t like the crowds, or if you don’t feel comfortable with me talking about you on stream or posting photos on instagram. none of that means anything to me. the only important thing is you and only you.”

you were almost crying as you kissed him, having to close your eyes instinctively against the sun as his lips pushed against yours, his hands caressing your back comfortingly. “i’m sorry, wil.” you said softly, lips still on his. “i’m being silly.”

“just a little,” he admitted between kisses. “but so am i. i’m just glad you’re here. i love you, silly.”

“i’d say it back but i don’t feel like it anymore.”

he barked out a laugh. “fine! i’m sorry. i love you, darling. my serious girl.”

“that’s somehow worse.” he kissed you to make it up to you, though, so you allowed him to drag you back inside, this time he got a security guard to sneak you in through a back corridor where you were still met with a room full of people who knew your name. except this one had a reserved seat right next to wilbur as you got to watch him live out his dreams, right there in the front row. 

[found-family-tournament]

Found Family Tournament Round 1 Part 10 Group 50

Propaganda and further pictures under the cut

The Bad Kids: Riz "The Ball" Gukgak, Adaine Abernant, Fabian Aramaris Seacaster, Gorgug Thistlespring, Figueroth "Fig" Faeth, Kristen Applebees (& Ragh Barkrock)

Drawtectives: Gyorik "York" Rogdul, Grendan "Grandma" Highforge, Rosé, Jancy True, Eugene Finch

Submissions are still open!

The Bad Kids:

before i start the pictures below are by isawiitch (https://www.tumblr.com/isawiitch), victor rosas (https://twitter.com/SirVictorThe2nd), and m0nomercy (https://www.tumblr.com/m0nomercy) respectively check them out they're very cool and also that middle guy did the official art for fantasy high its very cool

Mods note: said middle picture is a .webp. And I sadly can't add those. But the others are below

anyways all of these dumb teens are just god they complete each other they're the most important people in the world to each other like fabian and gorgug meeting with a punch to the stomach and going on to share a hug in an evil forest and "DO YOU WANT ME TO BITE IT OUT FOR YOU" "the ball, wait" -riz and fabian and kristen's really bad inspiring speech (they're gonna get inspiring real soon) but they are inspiring because they're from the best and sweetest friend in the whole world and gorgug getting razzed a little for thinking random people are his dad and the sheer joy everyone felt for him when he met his real parents and RIZ THE BALL GUKGAK AND FABIAN SEACASTER THE DUO OF ALL TIME and adaine learning to be a normal teen and fig swearing she's not an open person when she pours her heart out to her friends every chance she gets and riz and adaine being the only two non-horny members of the team and bonding over that and being smart but terrible in social interactions together and "its called being gay, when you're here you're family" -kristen applebees, 2019 and fig starting a band with gorgug, one of the more socially awkward members of the party and "what would riz do" "you bite down hard on a piece of glass" and adaine's actual worst fear being what she would become after her friends passed and the KILL YOUR DAD chant and its gorgug keep going and all of them feeling each others' overcoming of fear in the forest of the nightmare king no matter how far apart they are and riz shooting off an incel's fingers for being weird about adaine (there was other stuff going on but you can't convince me that it wasn't at least partially because of that) and the gang not really letting gorgug and kristen forget that one time they died (they got better and were psychologically okay with it after a bit so this was lighthearted jabs and not straight-up reminding them of a big traumatic moment) and "my friends were warmer to me on the first day that we met than you were to me in my whole life" -adaine abernant, 2020

AND that doesn't even include all the crazy stuff with bad kids-adjacent found family members like gilear faeth getting his life back together thanks to these teens and jawbone o'shaughnessy being the dad of all time to the point where he actually adopts adaine at the end of sophomore year and aelwyn abernant holy shit (she's harder to justify here because her main important interactions are with her sister, unlike gilear who is technically fig's stepdad but is a core part of the found family in all directions) aelwyn abernant is trying so desperately hard to be better and ayda aguefort and adaine swapping homemade spells named after each other (adaine kills her dad with hers its a good time) and ragh barkrock getting over his internalized homophobia

SO IN CONCLUSION these guys have changed each other so much and every single combination of them, be it a duo or a trio or whatever has a distinct dynamic thats so so important to me. they're all family to each other, some of them more than even their real families. they are the guys of all time and my blorbos even and are a wicked good found family

Sometimes a family is the kids who all got detention together on the first day of school at adventuring academy.

And sometimes that family is:

A Half-elf-Half-Pirate rich boy who killed toxic masculinity by learning how to dance, and mercy-killed his father by stabbing him with a sword.

"The Greatest Wizard of this Age" (actually a Barbarian who took a level in artificer to boost his cellphone-reception to call and apologize to his satyr girlfriend) Half-Orc drummer who was adopted by Gnomes;

A bisexual Punk-rocker Tiefling who thought she was a wood-elf until her horns came-in & caused her and her adoptive father to discover that her biological father is actually an Archdevil;

The Elven Oracle (later just "The Oracle"/"Everybody's Oracle") who was adopted by the school's Werewolf Guidance Councilor after her evil parents disowned her (she later punched her evil bio-dad to death in a single round of combat, despite being a magic caster);

An aro-ace (un)licensed Private Investigator Goblin who carries a briefcase and ate the face of the dragon that ate his father;

And a lesbian ex-fundie human who met the corn-god her family worships, found out he sucks & left the church and her family, CREATED HER OWN GOD (of Buzzfeed listical symbols, known first as "YES!" then later "YES?"), only to then abandon that god to become the Saint of the long forgotten Goddex/Goddess of Mystery, Night and Magic.

(Optionally, add in the Half-Orc repressed-gay bully they befriended and helped come out)

And sometimes, that found family becomes a literal family, because over the course of the series:

Fig's mom starts dating Adaine's adoptive dad,

Fig's adoptive dad gets engaged to Fabian's mom,

Fig's biological dad starts dating Riz's mom,

Kirsten starts dating the niece of Adaine's adoptive dad/Fig's mom' boyfriend.

(Gorgug is the only one who still isn't related to the others, but he did find his biological parents. And although he still lives with his adoptive parents, he is now in the famous band "Fig and the Cig Figs" along-side his bio-parents, Fig, and Fig's bio-dad)

Currently, Fig, Adaine, Kirsten, Fig's mom, Adaine's adopted dad, Kirsten's GF, Adaine's biological older sister, Adaine's sister's ghost fiancé, Ragh, Ragh's mom, and Fig's Half-Phoenix librarian/pirate GF all live in one giant haunted old Victorian-style Manor.

Drawtectives:

They are so silly and cute <3 Three strangers bond over solving a murder mystery as interns to a tired detective/mom figure. In s2 they pick up an amnesiac guy and adopt him as a son (despite one of them being younger than him). Everyone pls watch Drawtectives it's so fun and there's lots of wacky drawing shenanigans involved

they are SILLY they are BESTIES they are in a POLYCULE they LOVE EACHOTHER 🥺🥺 (eugene is their son who is also their age and jancy is their mom. dw its not weird) (art included is all by karina @dilfosaur of drawfee)

[ladylooch]

Comfort with Nico Hischier

A/N: Woof. That game tonight inspired me. I think we all mutually want to comfort him, so this is for us. Also, I’m purposefully putting this out before I see his post-game interview because I cannot. Nobody show me 🫣 edit: omg wait they didn't interview him? Oh it's bad, BAD.

Part of What My World Spins Around AU

Word Count: 695

My arms are crossed over my chest as I wait after game 2 for Nico. 

The Devils are down 2-0 in the series and looking completely unequipped to be in the post-season right now.

I sigh, wrapping my arms tighter as I look up to see if Nico is coming yet.

He isn’t.

I toss a wave to Kristen Haula as her and Erik leave with their baby. Once they are passed, my smile falls from my face again. I move closer to the wall, leaning against it with a disappointed huff. The Hischier on my back scrapes against the cement as I slide into a slouch. I could sense Nico’s irritation grow in the third period. The team came out with some great pep at the start, but everything disintegrated quickly with another Ranger’s goal. It didn’t help that towards the end, players were getting tossed left and right for minor infractions.

Eventually, long after every other player and their family has left, Nico emerges. His stride is fast and angry. He scans the area for me, seeing me against the wall to his right. He reaches his hand out to me, barely stopping for our fingers to lace together, before he is rushing us towards his car. I wait to say anything until we are buckled in and on the road.

“Babe-”

“Not in the mood.” He cuts me off. My stomach twists at his angry tone. His normally calm and collected demeanor has completely disappeared. I bite my lip, keeping my gaze on his rigid jaw. “Don’t look at me like that. Nothing you’re going to say will make this better.”

I turn away from him, crossing my arms to hold my body against the chill coming from the driver’s seat.

We get to our apartment quickly thanks to Nico’s angry foot. We ride up the elevator in silence. His head is leaned back against the wall, eyes closed, hands in his pockets. I click my phone screen to see it’s after 11:00pm. I yawn as Nico goes to unlock our apartment door. He throws his keys on the kitchen counter; they haven’t even slid to a stop before he has disappeared into our bedroom.

I actively avoid Nico from there. I take my shoes off, placing them in the front closet along with my playoff jacket. I hope I’ll get to wear it again. The WAGS are going a little more under the radar for games at Madison Square Garden, so I won’t get to wear it again unless we return to The Rock. I glance behind me, seeing that Nico has shut our bedroom door. I frown, going to the couch to lay down. I pull the blanket up my body, resting my head against the mountain of throw pillows tucked there from my pre-game nap earlier.

I don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep until I feel Nico’s hands under me. He settles my drooping head against his chest as he walks me to our bedroom. He lays me in the middle of the bed. His fingers work my jeans open so I can wiggle them off. They settle forgotten at the end of our bed. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers against my lips. 

“It’s okay.” He shakes his head that it’s not. 

“You don’t deserve this, baby. I’m being an asshole.” He presses our lips together again. His hand trails down to my butt to pull me tighter. He tosses a thick thigh over my hips, cuddling me into a comfort cocoon with him. I sigh against his mouth, threading my fingers through his long hair.

“It’s not over yet.” I remind him. “There is still time. Small adjustments, yeah?” I place delicate kisses in each corner of his lips. “Be their leader, babe. Strong and steady.” His eyes close. 

“I should have let you say that in the car.” He sighs. “That made me feel better.” I can tell. His muscles are softening so he relaxes further into my body. “I love you.”

“I love you more, Hischier.” He snorts in disbelief, but says nothing else. 

We fall asleep wrapped tightly together, fingers tenderly stroking one another.

[ninja-muse]

May seems to have stretched itself. I measure time partly by books read, and several of the books I read this month took me more than a week, which is unusual but non-fiction and classics will do that. This was balanced, of course, by me proving my ability to read an entire book within 48 hours, which happened a couple times, and so May also felt kind of liminal?

I read two books off my TBR shelves this month: Evelina and The Book of Margery Kempe. Margery is technically a reread, though, since I was assigned it in university. I picked it up because I wasn't feeling historical or cozy or queer or any of my other normal reading moods and I remembered it being the right sort of bonkers. Which it was, but I'd forgotten how much Margery goes on about God and his plans for her and how much more pious she is compared to everyone else. It got a little wearing, and I don't think I'd have liked her much if I'd met her. But I'm glad I reread it!

(My current reads are also brought to you by not knowing what to read next. Thank goodness that I have a stockpile of 200+ unread books at any given time.)

You will also notice there was yet another book haul this month. In my defense, I had a gift card and company access to a discount book supplier, and then my boss got excited about the James Patterson book and wanted everyone to have a copy. Unsure whether I'll actually read it but hey.

I also did pretty well with my physical ARC haul, in that I broke even, and had a DNF. The Book That Wouldn't Burn was more grimdark than I was expecting and failed to hook me on characters, plot, or world. Alas, because it was recced by a coworker. (The other ARCs hauled were digital. I need to get to at least two of them in June so stay tuned.)

In other news, I attended not one, but two cultural events on my own this month! I used to do this more regularly but then 2020 happened. It's only in the last year or so that I've really started going out to things again, and I'm not actually sure if I'd gone to anything alone until now. In any case, the history lecture and the symphony concert failed to do me in, so I might keep going.

Click through to see everything I read this month, in the rough order of how glad I was to have read them.

Evelina - Frances Burney

Evelina travels to London and learns that the only thing more distressing than suitors is her newly discovered family. Inspired Austen.

9/10

warning: misogynist society, xenophobia (against French people)

off my TBR shelves

The Demon of Unrest - Eric Larson

The story of the six months leading up to the American Civil War, complete with weak governments, echo chambers, and political grandstanding.

9/10

warning: racism, slavery, war

reading copy

The Butcher of the Forest - Premee Mohamed

Veris is ordered into the north woods to find the Tyrant’s lost children. Inside are tricks and monsters. She has one day.

8/10

🇨🇦

library book

Baking Imperfect - Lottie Bedlow

A cookbook that encourages bakers to embrace mistakes and imperfections.

8/10

library book

The Teller of Small Fortunes - Julie Leong

Tao is a travelling fortune teller content with small fortunes, but she can’t help being drawn into bigger things when she meets a thief and a mercenary seeking a lost child. Out in November.

7/10

Chinese-coded protagonist, Chinese-coded minor characters, Chinese-American author

reading copy

The Mars House - Natasha Pulley

A ballet dancer fleeing climate disaster finds himself a second-class citizen on Mars. Fortunately—or not—a xenophobic politician needs a husband to raise their polling numbers.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (queer), 🏳️‍🌈 major character (ungendered), major character with prosthetic leg and PTSD, major Indo-Martian character, largely ungendered society, largely Chinese society

warning: xenophobia, police brutality, riots

library book

The Forest of Vanishing Stars - Kristen Harmel

A woman surviving in the Polish wilderness puts her knowledge to use aiding Jews escaping the Nazis.

7/10

largely Jewish cast, author with Jewish heritage

warning: Nazis, antisemitism, the Holocaust, kidnapping, death of child and parental figures

library ebook

The Honey Witch - Sydney J. Shields

Marigold becomes her grandmother’s apprentice as honey witch, even though it means never finding love. Unfortunately, there’s a very pretty woman in her new town who doesn’t believe in magic.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (bisexual), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian, pansexual), Black secondary character

library ebook

The Monstrous Kind - Lydia Gregovic

Merrick returns to her family estate following the death of her father. She expects to take up the fight against the fog and the Phantoms (and her sister), but stranger things are afoot. Out in September.

6.5/10

dark-skinned secondary characters

warning: child abuse, fire

reading copy

Picture Book

A Crocodile Should Never Skip Breakfast - Colleen Larmour Crocodile’s late for his job as a ferry so he skips breakfast—but then he gets hungry while carrying animals… Out in June.

Reread

The Book of Margery Kempe - Margery Kempe

The memoirs of a 15th-century Englishwoman who is sometimes proud, sometimes pious, and definitely determined.

warning: marital rape, antisemitism, violence and torture, possibly mental illness stigma

off my non-TBR shelves

DNF

The Book That Wouldn’t Burn - Mark Lawrence

A girl ripped from her desert home and a young man trapped in an enormous library find themselves in the crosshairs of destiny.

library ebook

Currently reading

A Bouquet From France - Wilfred Thorley, translator

A collection of French poetry from Middle Ages to the 1920s.

off my TBR shelves

Steampunk - Ann and Jeff Vandermeer, editors

A collection of steampunk stories, old and new.

warning: misogyny, child abuse

off my TBR shelves

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin

A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts. The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Victorian detective stories

disabled POV character (limb injury), occasional Indian secondary characters

warning: racism, colonialism

Monthly total: 9 + 2 Yearly total: 51 Queer books: 2 Authors of colour: 2 Books by women: 8 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 1 Classics: 2 Off the TBR shelves: 2 Books hauled: 4 ARCs acquired: 6 ARCs unhauled: 3 DNFs: 1

January February March April

[annaphoenix1994]

Ch.129 - Lure Me

Previous Chapter - Masterlist 1; Masterlist 2 - Next Chapter

Simon discovers just how enticing pheromone perfume is...

Author's note: I'm so sorry it took so long to update! I've had this chapter nearly finished about two days ago, but work and life has been so crazy. My job is going well, but I work 6 days a week and only have Sundays off right now and I start my evening part time job this coming weekend. On top of that, my truck decided to give me some more trouble yesterday and now my rear axle is leaking brake fluid. I know how to fix it, but I have to wait until I get paid again to replace all of the seals because I refuse to take it to a mechanic and pay $500 for something I could've done myself when the parts I need are less than $20. Rant over! Enjoy this chapter heavily inspired by the TikTok trend where girls put pheromone perfume on to see how their men react. Kiera and Simon really needed a chapter together. :)

*

With a motivated gaze, Kiera entered the drug store in search of a pregnancy test. Although she wasn't sure she was pregnant again, after the fact they had been trying for the past couple of months, she wanted to be sure. Once she had located the tests, she grabbed two boxes of different brands before making her way to the register, seeing her best friend who had coincidentally decided to stop at the same store on her way home from work, except she was after the clearance decor instead of a pregnancy test. "Always buying decorations, I see." Kiera teased, watching Kristen turn around in surprise once she recognized Kiera's voice.

“I can’t help it! They’re on clearance!” Kristen giggled, taking the receipt from the cashier before standing back to let Kiera place her items on the belt. “Hmmm, whatcha got there?” She arched her brow.

“Don’t act dumb, I told you me and Simon were trying for another.”

“Mhm. I haven’t talked to you in a week – didn’t know if things had changed since then.”

“Well, I can fix that. Are you free tomorrow?”

“Now don’t you act dumb,” Kristen giggled. “I’m always off on the weekend and lucky for you, I have no plans.”

“How about you come over tomorrow? Simon is taking Baler hunting and I’ll be at the house with the kids. We’ll throw on some movies and make some food that we’re not supposed to have.”

“Sounds like a plan! Is your mom going to be around? I haven’t seen her since the funeral—”

“I’ll invite her, too. She’s been asking about you,” Kiera assured her, smiling warmly at the cashier while she retrieved her receipt and bag. “Thank you.”

“Have a good evening.”

“You too.”

“Oh, meet me at my car. I have something I wanted to give you!” Kristen chimed, the pair exiting the store before Kiera joined her by walking to her SUV, watching her best friend smile with glee before retrieving a small purple bag from the floorboard of the passenger seat. “Crown Royal?”

“No, you stupid bitch!” She teased. “Clearly, you’re still an alcoholic if you think every purple bag is a Crown Royal bag!”

“A sex toy?”

“No! Open it!”

Kiera breathed a laugh as she did as she was told, opening the bag to pull out a small box, opening the box itself to remove the vial of what looked like lip gloss. “Can you guess what it is now, smartie-pants?”

“Uh… Lip gloss?”

“It’s pheromone perfume.”

“Wha?”

“You know… It’s been going around online for the longest time. Girls get it and put a bit of it on so their men go nuts for them. I figured you’d like to try it and see if Simon notices it.”

“Oh, he notices everything,” Kiera giggled. “But thank you. I wonder if it legitimately works.”

“Only one way to find out,” Kristen winked. “Let me know how it works! It worked for me!”

“I definitely will.”

*

Once Kiera had arrived home, she removed the vial of perfume from her purse, inspecting the instructions before rolling a spot behind each of her ears and on the inside of her wrists, closing the container before putting it back into her purse before making her way inside the house.

As if her hormones couldn’t have spiked enough at the thought of Simon being drawn into her scent like a moth to the flame, the sight of him alone nearly drove her into a wall.

There he was, lounging on the couch with Jacob in his arms, the house warm as Simon preferred to lounge around the house shirtless while wearing black sweatpants, the hem of his boxer briefs peeking from behind the elastic of his waistband, his tattooed forearm highlighting the tight muscle tone of his arm, the muscles tight as they contracted while holding Jacob close, his shoulder broad, and his hair lazily swept back by his fingers. Fuck, if I’m not pregnant after I take this test, I better be by the week’s end, she sighed to herself, forcing herself to concentrate and pretend that she didn’t purposely put herself into his primal desire once he smelled the new scent on her. “Hey, babe.”

His head turned to look at her from over the top of the couch, grinning at the sight of her finally arriving home to him.

“Hey, love. Your mum said she’d be over around eight. She told me she was bringing over a casserole and a cheesecake.”

“I’ll make some sides, then,” She nodded, setting her purse on the kitchen island. “Where’s Baler?”

She heard Simon scoff before standing to his feet, gathering both twins by each of his arms before bringing them into the kitchen to see their mother, his senses for primal desire heightening once he agreed with himself that something was different about his wife. She’s still just as beautiful, she still looks the same, but a part of me wants to bite a chunk out of her – fuck she smells so good.

“He’s at the barn,” He huffed, forcing himself to fight the monstrous urge that was beginning to boil in his loins. “That boy of ours is going to be the death of us, love.”

“Why? What did he do?”

“Where should I start?” He huffed, securely sitting Jacob into the highchair while Kiera did the same, placing a kiss to Evie’s temple before securing her into the highchair, curling her index finger against the baby’s lip to collect the loose saliva that pooled there. “Caught him and the other wranglers playing some stupid game of chicken with a bloody bull—”

“Cowboy Poker?” Kiera scoffed, surprised. “Is he okay?!”

“His pride is more hurt than his body. Well, probably both,” Simon shrugged. “Busted lip and bruised ribs, but he’ll be alright. A little more chore as a punishment until late then getting up early in the morning to go hunting. It’ll do him some good.”

“What else did he do?”

“Caught him drinking whiskey. Should’ve made him drink a half of another bottle to make him sick so he won’t do it again because if I just punish him for it, he’ll keep doing it.”

“As much as I agree, he’s also a teenager, but he has some brains in that head of his and I think he’s smart enough to know right from wrong.”

“I hope you’re right, love,” He breathed, his gaze watching her as she proceeded to do minor chores around the kitchen, unaware that her husband was watching her every move like a hawk, her intense scent nearly driving him mad. “Something is… different about you.”

“Just another day,” She giggled. “What do you think is different?”

“I can’t put my finger on it. Don’t take me wrong, but you… You smell so bloody good.” He huffed, stepping closer to her, the minor scent driving him further and further over the edge, her playful body language being no less than a tease at this point.

“I take it you like my new perfume,” She hummed. “I’ve had it since before we met. I just never wore it until now.”

“I can assure you, love – if you would’ve worn that the day we met, I would’ve gotten myself killed in the line of fire or have had you bent over my cot in the barracks far before I ever came home with you.” He breathed, his nose now pressed to the thin skin behind her ear, inhaling the divine scent that increased his heartrate.

“Is that so? I would’ve liked that…”

His arms were on either side of her, his palms pressed firmly against the edge of the counter, his veins protruding and an erection threatening to push against his sweatpants. “Are you putting a spell on me, love?”

“Maybe…” She hummed, giving him further access to her neck, chills erecting along her spine when she felt his warm lips press into the hot skin beneath them.

“Who am I kidding – you’ve had a spell on me since day one, but this, whatever this is that’s drawing me to you more than I have before – fuck, I don’t even know what I’m talking about right now.”

“What’s going through that mind of yours, babe?” She breathed.

“Do you want to know the descriptive version or the simplified reason?” He replied lowly.

“I think I want to hear what’s really going through my husband’s mind…”

“Right now, I really want to put the kids to bed and bend you over this counter…”

“Well, you can’t do that, babe.”

“What’s stopping me?”

“I guess I have to remind you now that you said my own mother is bringing a casserole over…”

“That’s what rooms are for, love,” He whispered, smirking against her skin while his erection subtly pressed against her rear.

Although Simon was nearly driven wild by her scent alone, he hadn’t known about the effect he was having on her, too. His shirtless torso, his tattoos, the way his own smell lingered in her senses, soon finding herself pressing her thighs together. “I’m going to put the kids in the nursery.” He spoke softly in her ear, leaving a sloppy kiss behind on her neck before leaving her flustered against the counter.

“I-I’ll help you,” She nearly panted, picking up Evie while Simon grasped Jacob, taking the drowsy infants to their cribs to nurse on a pacifier. Although the twins had their “moments” of consistent energy, they always seemed to settle down between the hours of seven and nine, which worked out perfect for Kiera and Simon as they both loved to have structure as well as a routine.

After they spent a few moments settling the twins into their crib for the night, Kiera softly whispered a “Goodnight, babies, mommy loves you,” before dimming the lamp on the nightstand that separated their cribs, meeting Simon at the doorway, nearly flustered at how he leant against the frame, his arm extended above his head to support his weight, nearly towering over her as she approached… nervously?

“Why so nervous, love?” He smirked.

“You’re just so… tall.” She breathed.

“Took you nearly four years to come up with that solution?” He teased, arching his brow, letting his hands fall to rest on her hips, gently pulling her into him, the pair oblivious to how their heartrates soon matched the other.

“Keep your hands on me, Simon.”

“I can do that.” He replied softly, leaning his head down to claim her lips with his while he selfishly grabbed at her ass, giving it a firm slap before he effortlessly lifted her onto him, pleased at how her legs wrapped around her waist, groaning into her mouth when he felt her tug on the roots of his hair. “Fuck.” He groaned.

“Take me to our bed,” She whispered, her tone nearly dominant, which Simon loved.

“Feeling cheeky are you?”

“Just a little bit…” She hummed, feeling Simon’s grip on her loosen once he had gotten them close to the bed, smirking when he felt Kiera’s palms press firmly against his chest, taken aback by how she seemed to effortlessly push him onto the bed, straddling his hips once he was completely under her, his hands resting on the top of her thighs. “Do you know what it does to me when I come home and you’re walking around shirtless?”

“I won’t do it anymore.” He teased.

“I didn’t say that, Simon, shut up.”

“Mm, say that again, love.”

“Have a kink for a dominant woman?”

“Fuck yes I do,” He winced, chills decorating his chest and arms when her palm rested on the base of his neck, right against his collar bone. “I’ll be on my bloody knees for you, love.”

“It’s me who’s going to be on my knees,” She breathed, leaning forward to press a kiss to the area beneath his jaw, rolling her hips against his erection, pleased to hear a whine leave his throat. “Watch me, Simon.”

He nodded, his brown eyes piercing into her hazel irises as he watched her sit up on his waist, crossing her arms across her torso as she slowly lifted the thin fabric of her blouse, revealing the maroon lace that drove Simon crazy at the sight. Of course, he had seen her in lace before, but maroon? His erection was almost painful at the sight. Fuck, I’m going to rip that off of you!

“No touching… yet,” She giggled, playfully slapping his hands away, watching him smirk at her authoritative tone. “Hands above your head, baby.”

“Yes, ma’am,” He smirked, enjoying the feeling of her hands forcing his above his head. “What if these so happen to leave their designated post?”

“Then I guess you can go the rest of the night guessing what I was going to do,” She arched her brow. “Keep those hands where they are.”

He breathed heavily, closing his eyes briefly to enjoy her touch, his former insecurities and fears no longer a part of his vocabulary every time her fingers grazed over his ribcage, touching him to her own pleasure instead of his. When he felt her breath hovering over his dripping shaft, he whined when he finally felt her lips envelope his sensitive tip. He wanted to touch her – so bad – but a part of him wanted to continue hearing her assert her dominance with him, but another part of him didn’t want to feel the absence of her hot mouth around him just to punish him for disobeying her. Just bloody wait until I get my hands on you, love, he huffed to himself.

Her head bobbed slowly as she took him with comfort, not once did she gag like before, the only sounds filling the room was his whimpering and the wet sounds of her saliva mixing with his excitement. “Fuck,” He hissed, breaking her rule by bringing his hands down to tangle in her hair, nearly biting his own lip when she abruptly separated her mouth from his shaft to force his hands back up over his head, Simon grinning in satisfaction at her actions. “Cheeky.”

“What did I tell you?” She whispered.

“I heard what you told me, but I don’t play by the rules, love,” He groaned, his eyes fluttering when he felt her core sliding against his shaft, teasing him while her hands stayed pressed against his wrists to keep them in place, the pair groaning in unison when they connected intimately. “Fuck, you just fucking wait until I get a hold of you, darling.”

“I love when you threaten me with a good time,” She panted, rolling her hips against him, taking him deeper and deeper with every move of her hips, the lace from her lingerie subtly rubbing against him. “Big, strong man like you under me… Now that is something to get off on.” She teased.

“You can use me any time your little heart desires, love,” He breathed into her mouth when she had finally rewarded him with a kiss, his arms snaking around her waist once she had granted him permission to touch her, his hand grasping the lace thong that still dressed her hips and forcing it to the side, giving him better access to thrust his hips upward into her. “How special was this little number on you?”

“I can always buy another one if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” He smirked, leaning up to toss her onto her back, sitting back on his knees while his grasp on her lace underwear was effortlessly ripped free of her skin by his stone grip. “Have to get this shite out of my way.”

“And to think I thought you loved this on me.” She giggled, her mouth agape when he entered her again, legs wrapping around his waist while his hand cupped her jaw, forcing her mouth to be in symmetry with his.

“Oh, I do love it, but I love it even more when I get to rip it off,” He hissed, his grip tightening slightly beneath her jaw. “This spell you’ve put on me… Fuck.”

“Worked hard on it.” She giggled.

He wanted to reply, but the way she gripped him was too good to risk a sentence over. The way her nails dug into the thick muscle of his back, how her calves tightened around his thighs, the way her hips were at the perfect angle for him to feel every ridge of her core, how her lips placed such loving and encouraging kisses to his throat and under his jaw. “Choke me, Simon.”

“Tell me if I hurt you, love.”

She nodded, gasping when the warmth of his hand cupped her entire throat, squeezing either side softly before adding more pressure, the blood rushing to her head before the sensation of his thrusts became intense with pleasure, her heartrate increasing with excitement, unable to help but think about how many tracheas he had crushed with the same hand, yet it was gentle with his wife and children.

And that thought alone sent an adrenaline rush to her very core, the intense wave of an immediate orgasm pulling him into a pure wave of ecstasy that couldn’t be stopped. His hips were angled perfectly against her, thrusting relentlessly into her as if his life depended on it, the headboard banging against the wall while his hands cupped the crown of her head as she gasped through her orgasm, his soon to follow when he felt her walls spasming around him as her legs tightened around him, inviting him to mark her as his.

Just like every time.

Once he had come down from his high, his hot breath fanned against her neck, replacing the subtle red mark from his grip on her neck with apologetic kisses, feeling the burning from her scratches on his back forming welts. “Fuck—” He breathed, pressing his nose against the skin behind her ear, still smelling the scent of the perfume that had lured him further into her spell of hormones onto him, wanting to fuck her through the mattress every time he smelled it.

And he’d willingly accept that fate.

Their skin was layered with a thin sheen of sweat, panting against each other to catch their breath while Simon continued to press soft and heavy kisses to her collarbone and base of her neck, his heart thumping with excitement once more when that familiar smell made its way into his senses, shocked to feel that he was still hard after having just climaxed. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me, love.”

“Is that a problem?” She giggled, feeling the tip of his nose resting against the skin below her jaw.

“The only problem is that I’ve already came and still hard.” He breathed a chuckle.

“You know how you should fix that?”

“Hm?”

“Fuck me again.” 

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Met Gala 2023 Presented By Me

With this year's theme being "in honor of Karl Lagerfeld", a fashion designer whom I'm learning from the fashion community is "ew", lets see what we got:

~The Models~

-Rihanna being fashionably late, wearing an egg?-like top that opens to reveal a simple yet beautiful dress (she's got a baby bump!); the "no shit" was iconic honestly

-Jared Leto fursuit (its cause he was dressing as Lagerfeld's cat)

-Harvey Guillen coming through with a lovely floral suit, I'm not usually one for light pink but his was very pretty

-Who let Lil Nas X have access to the arts and crafts box (but he looked stunning, the mask was gorgeous and he's got more confidence than most to pull off what I'm now calling a Full Bedazzle)

-Kristen Stewart going full butch queer, the eyebrows and hair were rugged inspired and most didn't like it but I think that was the point?

-Pedro Pascal and his knee against the world (as well as spreading the red is superior agenda cause it is)

-^ but with Salma Hayek cause holy shit this is the red agenda

-Bryan Tyree Henry continuing to remind me how much my taste in men has improved over the years because he is so fucking fine ANYWAY-

-Lizzo giving me feminine gender envy despite the odds

-Janelle Monae doing a Janelle Monae as is customary (I'd love to know what the inspo was for her if so let me know!)

-Bella Ramsey you are so gender thank you (and they served too, the Thom Browne suit with the white accents is simple yet very classy)

-Every year I give one (1) free pass for a man to wear a standard suit, this year goes to Ke Huy Quan because I couldn't say anything bad about him if I tried (at least he had some style, the fingerless gloves were cool)

-Obligatory Gwendoline Christie was there and existed comment by me because I am in love and I am not ashamed of it

-Florence Pugh's fit had mixed reactions, the shaved head, headdress and white dress look were really good but I think the way the dress came out had people not fully digging it, I can understand but I'll appreciate it nonetheless

-Anne Hathaway in all her fuzzy glory (the hair's a beehive on a very felted dress but like it worked? marks for originality and being able to pull it off)

-Loved Stephanie Hsu's bedazzled suit, won't be able to stop thinking about it actually

-Tems was stunning, I'm a huge fan of the floating leaves design we need more nature-inspired looks

-Olivier Rousteing and Jeremy pope slaying with their "Karl who?" and cape apparel

-Gotta shout out Yara Shahidi for going with something unique, the pearl's color palette works surprisingly better than I expected with the gold (personally I would have more gold trim in the top half but that's just me)

-Let Lady Gaga's outfit for the Met Gala this year be a lesson in misinformation because the pictures circulating Tumblr are not in fact from the 2023 Met, she didn't attend (it is a stunning outfit though)

-Jenna Ortega looking almost like a dapper pirate in the absolute best way possible the gender envy the style I am going insane

-Doja Cat living up to her name (Cats should take notes honestly the makeup was really good. She also kept answering reporter questions by meowing. Because she's Doja. Anyway.)

-Anok Yai's dress reminds me of those ornate beaded lampshades, I wonder if that's where she/her designer got the idea

-Emily Blunt giving me gay panic once again WHY IS SHE SO GORGEOUS (she's got a giant fucking bow tie that's what clowns wear why is she able to pull it off this is so unfair)

-Conan Gray looked like an actual prince I am obsessed

-I saw someone said Cardi B was giving goth Barbie and that is honestly the best way to describe it

-Yung Miami having a beautiful look cause her outfit was underrated this year

-I thought Emily Blunt and Bryan Tyree Henry were all I had to worry about and then Julia Garner came in with a steel chair

-Ella Fanning's look captivating me specifically

-And cause I can't comment on every person or we'd be here all day, go check out the underrated outfits from Amanda Seyfried, Alton Mason, Glenn Close, Sora Choi, Ava Max, Jessica Chastain, Taika Waititi and many more!

~Final Thoughts~

-The palette this year was very black and white... literally. Lots of outfits in black, white, or both. I'm not really into the fashion community so I wouldn't know but I'm guessing its a signature theme of Lagerfeld's? Let me know! I'm always down to learn more about other communities and their history

-I'm also assuming Lagefeld's got a thing for flowers cause there were a lot of flowers imbedded into the outfits, they looked lovely~

-As well as long flowy dress/coat tops cause there were a lot, and I loved how people mixed it in with the flowers. Lots of the men did it this year and it looked fantastic

-Speaking of, I'm proud of the men for actually dressing up this year omfg its insane how many male celebrities will go to a literal fashion event and pull up with nothing but a plain ass suit and though most of them this year did wear suits, there was much pizazz. Like, actual life put into those outfits. So yeah, you love to see it

-Overall, a very nice Met Gala. The crazy stuff came from the usual people who go all out, and we got plenty of highlights from people who embraced the theme, with the occasional unique look to really stick it out

Thank for reading and see you all next fashion event!

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

WHERE IN THE HECK IS NORTH SPRINGS MUSIC FESTIVAL?

That’s a REALLY good question—and if you’re an avid music fan, it’s an even better question. From some of the biggest names in music to the up and comers you must know, North Springs Music Festival has it all. Trust us, you’ll want to know the answer by this October!

Situated in picturesque Whitleyville, Tennessee, the farm of Dustin Kennedy changes from pastures galore to a music haven for music fans far and wide when autumn rolls around. Amid cooling temps and falling leaves, the stage is set on (proverbial) fire as those who flock to “the little music festival that could” deep in the mountains fall deeply in love with the music and mission of NSMF. Held October 11th and 12th of this year, NSMF is THE destination for a family friendly festival that is focused on two things: quality tunes and FUN! Come along as we chat with the festival organizer about this upcoming event that is quickly becoming a coveted favorite among music festivals in the South—both by bands and fans alike. Interview begins below:

L: Hey there Dustin! Thanks for joining us today to discuss what you've got cookin’ down in Tennessee. We're beyond stoked to join you to take in the stellar lineup you've curated this October in Whitleyville—for newcomers like us, can you give us a little background on how NSMF began?

D: Thank you for having me--and I sure can! NSMF got kicked off in 2020 right during all the madness of the pandemic, but we were outside and tired of the madness. It [attendees] consisted of almost all local folks outside of our original out of state ticket buyer, Kristen Heflin. The county donated a wooden stage used at various county functions. It was the only time that one was used. The initial show was headlined by Rye Davis and Branden Martin. It rained like hell, but like Deana Carter would say, "we danced anyway." *laughs*

L: Love it! Looking back, I recall a lot of new festivals popping up in 2020 because it seemed like people were so ready to live again...I know we were! We kept the roads hot between Indiana and Alabama going to as many shows as we could. I'm a little sad to know we missed the inagural festival and the ones the past few years, but so excited to get to witness the magic this fall. What was your inspiration for the festival, aside from giving the proverbial finger to the craziness of 2020? Has running a successful music festival always been a dream of yours?

D: I went to a small living room show in Lexington in 2017 hosted by Jeff Cox. Fifty people sitting in one small room listening to Justin Wells & Jason Eady. That kinda got my wheels spinning. So in 2019, I rented our county fairgrounds event building and hosted four acoustic songwriter shows, one of which being Jason Eady & Courtney Patton. After the show, I just sorta blurted out to Jason that I wanted to one day host a music festival on my family's farm and if I ever did, I'd love for him to be a part of it. That was in March of 2019, and by October 2020, as small as that first NSMF was, it had become a reality.

L: Ol’ Jeff Cox—he's one of the good ones! Isn't it crazy how small this music world really is and how quickly an idea can grow? I love a good grassroots story...and it's amazing to see what you've accomplished in the seven years since speaking that dream into the universe and bringing it to life. Tell us, what is your mission/motto for NSMF; what do you hope to achieve with this festival in the present and future derivatives of it?

D: One of my best friends, Clint Fraley, recently said it best. He said " You've caused old friends to come together to have a good time. What better achievement in life than causing others to have fun and forget about their troubles?" I've said in other interviews that we don't all agree on religion, politics or sports, but music brings people together, and it's a beautiful thing. But also, country music has lost its way from where it was when we all grew up. Some people only see country music as the pop stuff they hear on their radio that we all spend way too much time hating on, myself included. Or they still listen to only the legends, which is fine, but I want to do my part to help people discover all these awesome independent acts who may be under their radar. Music is easier to find now more than ever. You just have to dig to find the stuff you won't ever see on CMT or your local country radio station. Listen to the cats over on WSKY, and you'll discover all the independent acts you want!

L: Preach, my friend! That is one of the reasons HHMR's founder Nathan began this review back in 2019, to bring focus to all the amazing indie artists in the Kentucky region. When I came aboard in 2020, I made it my mission to expand that coverage beyond Appalachia, because there is just so much good music out there and insanely talented artists that may never get the recognition they deserve without the efforts of independent journalism and venues/festivals! Speaking of all those good tunes, I’m curious—when you go to a show or a festival, are you more pumped to see the bands you're familiar with or catch the "no one knows who they are" up-and-comers?

D: If he lives to be 100 years old, I will never get tired of seeing Hank Williams Jr. live. He's the greatest of all time to me. I never got to see Waylon live which really disappoints me, so I always make it a point to cross the legends off the bucket list. But as far as new music, I work a pretty demanding full time job. I'm married with 3 kids and have some other hobbies, so it is hard to find time to discover new music. I depend heavily on others to suggest new stuff to me. They're out here doing God's work for us music lovers! I'm definitely not a "skip the opener" guy because those guys have been known to steal the show once or twice. The coolest act I ever got to see early on was in June 2012 when Shooter Jennings, who has done so much for independent music over the years, hosted a Waylon tribute show, and he introduced a cat named Sturgill Simpson to the crowd, one full year before High Top Mountain came out. I know others knew him already, but I certainly did not. Even better, that was my first time seeing Whitey Morgan and Justin Wells (one of my favorite people both professionally and personally now) that night as well. Also seeing Tyler Childers at Grimey's record store for under 100 people probably and later that night at The Basement East for $12. Little cheaper than his current arena tour! Always go to the show.

L: Yes! Always go to the show! Some of the acts on NSMF's lineup this year I have known for quite sometime whether personally or professionally, and I have thoroughly enjoyed both watching and experiencing their trajectories first hand over the past several years. I will never forget driving to Montgomery one night to see Taylor Hunnicutt open for Rod Gator at a little trailer bar/driving range in the middle of nowhere. It was a rainy evening which likely killed attendance, but man…it was magical. I was one of the only ones there for the show and when it was Rod's time to perform Taylor and I just danced to his whole set in the rain. Now look at her go! Playing NSMF and tons of festivals across the country this year. It's so fun to see these bands we love succeed! So, I purposely haven't mentioned the lineup yet because I want people to take in the whole poster at the end of this interview and be as amazed at the level of talent as we are, but I'd like to hear your music recommendations before we get into festival info. Who are you listening to these days, whether they're on the lineup or not, that you think people need to hear? And why?

D: The legends like Hank Jr, Waylon, Keith Whitley, George Jones…they'll always be in rotation. Same for Shooter, Ragweed, Jamey Johnson, Justin Wells and Chris Knight. My 3 favorite independent acts are Cody Jinks, Jason Eady and Cole Chaney, who is a badass that everybody needs to learning if they're sleeping [on him]. Them Dirty Roses have one of the best live shows going! Huge fan of Charles Wesley Godwin and 49 Winchester. Should not even have to mention Stapleton, Childers and Sturgill. I'm digging that new Zach Top album! As far as the festival goes, I'm excited to see Low Water Bridge Band, Ritch Henderson, Hunter Flynn, Sam Lowe, Waylon Hanel, The Comancheros, Parker Barrow and Bill Taylor and the Appalachian Heatherns all for the first time live. Then, I never do an interview where I won't mention the names of Addison Johnson, Rye Davis, Tony Logue, Tim Goodin and Wes Shipp. If you're not listening to any of those guys, stop reading this right now and change that! I'm really liking that new Taylor Hunnicutt album. Beyond fired up to have her and the boys at the festival this year. Being a long time fan of the Jennings Family, I’m very excited to have Whey headlining Friday night! Lastly, I think Ward Davis is a genius. He's one I've been wanting for the festival for quite some time so to have him as the 2024 headliner is very cool for me.

L: Well there you have it readers, a little sneak peak to the absolutely mindblowing lineup Dustin and his team have put together this year—but don't worry, there's even MORE fantastic artists to see down at the farm. I have a feeling it's going to be hard to top 2024's lineup, but at the same time I have a feeling you have more tricks up your sleeve, Dustin! Who do you hope to book for future NSMFs?

D: I'm a huge Courtney Patton fan. For whatever reason, we can never make NSMF work out. Same for Taylor Austin Dye and Mae Estes. They're in Nashville so I should've already done that. Some others will be retreads that maybe have only played once that I'd love to bring back. There are young acts like Jake Kohn and Blaine Bailey. I want to do some acoustic shows with songwriting geniuses like Billy Don Burns, Kendell Marvel and Josh Morningstar. I don't have huge corporate sponsors. I don't have tourism dollars. I'm funded strictly by local businesses who band together for me to ensure this show goes on and ticket buyers who keep coming back so I don't have the luxury to go get some of the names people ask for because musicians aren't cheap nor should they be! So I have to go into each year being very strategic. My eyes can get a little big, but you have to be realistic. I have to say that I have a great working relationship with Josh Green, who works for WME. I've had the pleasure of hosting some really cool acts that probably don't get done if Josh did not trust the passion and vision I laid on him each time we talk. He's one of the coolest dudes out there, and I'm very appreciative of him being willing to work with me each year!

L: Man, those would all be fantastic shows. I have no doubt you'll accomplish your end goal with NSMF because from the looks of it people are steadily flocking to your little slice of paradise each year! I imagine it will only get bigger as time goes by, but will still retain that small festival, everyone is family kind of feel. Now—onto the attendees, you mentioned your first out-of-town ticket buyer back in 2020 a bit ago. So far, what is the furthest state/location you've had someone travel from for the show? What is your guess for this year as far as ticket sales to this point?

D: We had a couple from Norway last year, which was very cool! This year we have folks coming from Canada and Germany. As far as inside the United States, I think the record is being set by Mary Suminski, coming all the way from Alaska! I'd be remised, however, if I did not mention the large groups of folks coming from Alabama, Indiana and the LARGE group known simply as "The Florida Tribe!" Then there is my man, Bruce Twyman, who I have been told needs to calm the F down! But everyone knows Bruce, so yeah...it's going to be one big family reunion out in the hayfield.

L: *Laughs* I've been there a time or two. It sounds like you've certainly created a safe haven for music lovers both near and far—and what a testament to the work you've done, as well as the passion for this underground, indie music scene! Before we dive into important festival deets, can you share with me your favorite festival memory from years past?

D: I'm a huge Cross Canadian Ragweed fan so Cody Canada & The Departed headlining last year was huge for me. Jason Eady headlining in 2022 was pretty special since he was the first person I ever mentioned the idea of this thing to. Cole Chaney has played twice, acoustic and full band so it was cool to see that progression. Lastly, Julie Roberts stole the show in 2021 when all the ladies in the crowd got to take their turns singing the classic "Break Down Here." Those all definitely stand out! But for me with each year, it's shaking the hands of the people who travel so far to come be a part of this festival. Taking a chance on it. But, like I always tell the musicians, if you ever come here, you're going to be playing to some of the most loyal fans you will ever have. They're gonna come to more shows, buy the merch. You won't regret it and some come back every year! Same to be said for ticket buyers. They had never heard of North Springs, but man, there is something special about this place. Us locals, it's "God's Country" to us. People who have been will agree. And on a selfish note, this farm has been in my family since the late 1800's so to bring something so cool to a farm and be fortunate enough to still have my dad, aunt and grandpa still living and being present at the festival on the farm they've grown up on, worked and hunted on, is pretty damn cool to me. Also having my wife and children being here making those memories, it's a great feeling!

L: We love our music family and a festival that supports that kinship is our kind of place. I know that's got to be mighty special to be adding to the NSMF family with each ticket sold while also honoring your ancestors on sacred ground. From listening to you describe it, it certainly sounds like the festival prides itself on having a good time while building true connections. So, what is the overall vibe of the festival? Party crowd, listening room, a mix of both—that sort of thing…basically what can newcomers expect to see and how should they plan to behave?

D: So every year, early in the day it tends to be a little more laid back, people lounging in their chairs. Usually, as the sun goes down and people get a little more liquid courage, they make their way to the front of the stage. But no, this is no listening room. I host acoustic shows throughout the year for that. I want this to be a party in the hay field. If anything, I wish everyone would get to the front of the stage earlier to show the same love to the acts all day long. People dancing and singing at that stage is what we are all about.

L: Funny you should say that, we at HHMR are definitely a front of the stage bunch! Our friends over at Raised Rowdy live and preach the phrase "front row or don't go" and it's one we try to honor every show—we feel it's the best way to experience the high of the music. Any pertinent details interested attendees should know prior to making their way North Springs to claim their front row spot?

D: Ticket prices are $50 each day or $90 for both days. Non-electric camping is $10 per person daily or $25 for the whole weekend if you come in Thursday night to set up. Generators are allowed. I do not sell alcohol, BUT you can bring your own coolers in for $5 or $10 depending on the cooler size. Just act like you've been in public before! There will be food and shopping vendors on site. Internet is spotty at best so bring as much cash as you can to help move all lines quicker. If you're driving in keep the GPS on the whole time until you pull in (Just ask Them Dirty Roses last year laughs. Dogs are allowed as long as they're on leashes. No showers on site, but Porta Potties will be on site. No fires directly on the grounds, but fire pits allowed if needed. People can begin setting up to camp on Thursday morning to be ready for the kick-off party in Gainesboro that night. Friday show will kick off tentatively at 3PM but subject to change. Saturday will likely will be a 1PM start time!

L: Oh, Them Dirty Roses. That seems to be a habit of theirs *laughs*. I'm giggling because one night when they played a show at Laurel Cove they were coming in late and if you've ever been to Pineville or Pine Mountain Resort State Park, you know just how mountainous it is and how easy it is to get lost in the curves. Service is spotty, I got there for the weekend first and my pal Andrew (TDR's guitarist) was frantically texting me trying to figure out where they were supposed to be—they took that big red van and trailer all over that big curvy road in a circle because they missed the turn! So readers, trust that GPS with your life going to Pineville AND North Springs! Okay, switching gears from funny stories and we could be here all day because I've got a ton of them—tell me a little about the kick-off show you mentioned. Sounds like a helluva good time!

D: Last year was only one day on the farm, and the kickoff party was At Roaring River Distillery in Gainesboro, 15 minutes away. Being such a small rural county, a lot of the local businesses did well with so many from out of state coming into the county. This year with us extending to 2 days on the farm, I was afraid a lot of the businesses might not get as much traffic so it was important to me to have a kickoff party so the square in Gainesboro is full once again. Chris Edwards from Mountain View Talent reached out and wanted to partner up. We discussed the options and quickly agreed on a lineup, headlined by Dallas Moore and Clint Park. Next was getting The Bull & Thistle Pub on board to host. The bar side sold out in one weekend while very few $10 dining side seats remain. This will be a little bit more of the listening room experience. Hopefully all the other businesses in town will see a spike like last year from the kickoff party!

L: Good grief, what a lineup! If potential attendees think the kickoff party is to die for, I wonder what they'll think when they see the full spectrum of talent for the festival. Minds will certainly be boggled! It's a work of heart and art between the hard work you put in to curate it and the fantastic poster Jimbo Valentine created to promote it. Well, that's all the time we have today, Dustin, thank you so much for joining us to give us an inside look at North Springs Music Festival! We can't wait to meet ya at the farm!

D: I appreciate your time and asking these questions to promote NSMF. Sorry for the long winded answers. *Laughs* I could talk music all day!

L: As could we! See you soon!

For more information on North Springs Music Festival, visit their website. Follow along for updates on their Facebook!

*All photos used with permission from NSMF website and Facebook.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this Week #134 (Year 3/Week 30):

The Consequences Of Love, my 6th rewarding film by Paolo Sorrentino, an exceptional mature director. His usual collaborator Toni Servillo plays here a mysterious businessman, who's been staying alone for 8 years at a luxurious Lugano hotel. Rich, stylish and evocative. 8/10.

🍿

4 more by Buñuel:

🍿 The Milky Way, the first of his loose "Search for truth" trilogy, (together with the much better 'The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie' and 'The Phantom of Liberty'). Some intricate heretic and blasphemous polemics against the church - and all believers. Clear inspiration to Jodorowsky. “Thank God I’m an atheist.” 5/10.

🍿 Re-watch: Tristana, a complex tragedy about the patriarchy, innocence, sexuality, obsessiveness and cruelty, offered as a simple soap opera. Fernando Rey is the decadent aristocrat who seduces his young niece, the deceitful Catherine Deneuve, who perversely rebels against this father-husband. That Mustache guard! The artificial leg laying on bed! The Don Lope Bell clapper! 8/10.

🍿 Robinson Crusoe, his first color film, and the first made in English, was a traditional re-telling of the famous story, with (few) subversive elements.

🍿 "...See you at the top, gumdrop..."

The young one (1960) was Buñuel's second film in English, an uncomfortable, disturbing drama, now considered to be one of his forgotten masterpieces. A tense and very disturbing story: A black clarinet player who is falsely accused of rape, finds refuge on an island off the Carolina coast. An unpleasant gamekeeper forces himself on a 13 year old innocent girl (who looks remarkably like Liv Tyler). The two men end up playing a bitter battle-of-wills game, full of tense and racist scenes. An odd morality play examining prejudices, racism and pedophilia.

🍿

The Letter Room, my first by Danish director Elvira Lind. She cast her real-life husband Oscar Isaac as a kind, mustachioed prison guard, who's assigned to go over the prisoners' mail. Ah, The American carceral system! The saddest film I've seen in a while. 9/10.

(Photo Above).

🍿

“Eat the watermelon - it’s yours now”.

Cameraperson, my second superb documentary by elite cinematographer Kristen Johnson (after her incredible 'Dick Johnson is dead').

Johnson shot dozens of films, and this personal collage is a collection of some of her background leftover titbits, establishing shots and related stuff from all over the world. Extremely powerful, even before she breaks out stuff from the most tragic and harrowing places around the world: Guantanamo, Sarajevo, Jasper, Texas, Kabul, Nigeria, Yemen and Mississippi. So much heartbreaks and suffering, told with so much restrain. "Donba!" 9/10.

I discovered this in a short Thomas Flight essay 'The Succession Character You Never See' which describes how important the invisible camera decisions are.

🍿

First watch: Closely Watched Trains, the groundbreaking Czech New Wave classic. Cute, light erotic story about Premature ejaculation and anti-Nazi resistance.

🍿

A mighty wind, another of (Baron!) Christopher Guest's comedy-mockumentaries, this time about a television reunion of three folk bands from the 60's. With a scary-looking Harry Shearer (who later transition into a female), and all the members of the ensemble that made 'Spinal tap', 'Best in show' and others. Perfectly charming. 7/10.

🍿

Loft, the standard 'Erotic thriller' from Belgium was the most successful Flemish-speaking film ever by 2008. 5 successful yuppies, duplicitous swinging dicks, own a fancy loft together, to which they bring their mistresses to. But they are all married, and claim to be faithful when in public. When a woman is found murdered in the loft, it's unclear who killed her or why. 3/10.

🍿

Nine Queens is considered as one of Argentina's greatest films. A crime thriller of two small time street hustlers, who cross and double cross everybody around them again and again. With 2 surprising endings, one of which is typically Argentinian (The bank suddenly defaults!). 5/10.

🍿

My 9th and 10th by Wes Anderson:

🍿 The Darjeeling Limited, a movie about designer suitcases; A visually-provocative but emotionally stunted drama about 3 irritating brothers on an exotic 'spiritual trip' to India. With the first (?) sex scene in any of his movies. All style, no substance. I don't know why I keep watching his films, when I find him empty and pretentious. 4/10.

🍿 Hotel Chevalier was a 12 minutes film he released together with 'Darjeeling', like a Pixar "Short". A prequel with some background about Jack Whitman and his ex-girlfriend. Like 'Prada: Candy', Anderson's perfume ad with Léa Seydoux, shorter is better. This is actually a perfectly little story with the same "Where Do You Go To (My Lovely)?" comment. 7/10.

🍿

The chase (1946), a second rate Noir by a second rate auteur. With Robert Cummings and Peter Lorre. 1/10.

🍿

The Beguiled, a moody Southern Gothic thriller by Sofia Coppola, about a wounded Union Corporal who was given shelter at a small girls school in Virginia in 1864. My second film about amputation this week (After 'Tristana'!). But the slow melodrama didn't speak to me at all.

🍿

In Ted Gioia's tribute to Tony Bennett, he claims that lounge-lizard Lou Canova is modeled after Bennett, at the lows of his career at that period. I haven't seen Woody Allen's Broadway Danny Rose since 1984. His cinematic personality as the 'nervous Jew' is highly-irritating. But Gordon Willis photography helped give the tight story 100% score on 'Rotten Tomatoes'.

Rip, Tony Bennett!

🍿

Fieldwork Footage is a 1928 short directed by Zora Neale Hurston. She was a central figure of the 'Harlem renaissance', an author and anthropologist and the first African-American female film maker.

🍿

I was sick for a day, so I watched Pineapple Express once again, the best action-stoner comedy ever? Convincing marijuana enthusiast Set Rogen against local mob guy Bill Lumbergh. It's a movie about escalation! Starts with weed jokes and ends with "Prepare to suck the cock of Karma" climax.

🍿

The Quiet American, an adaptation of Graham Greene Foreign Service Saigon thriller, with Michael Caine and Brendan Frazer. The two engage in a ménage à trois over a pretty Vietnamese taxi dancer. This is 1952 when the CIA is just getting into the war there. Cinematography by Christopher Doyle, Wong Kar-wai's usual collaborator. 3/10.

🍿

In the 1960's and 70's, the Montmartre Jazz club on Store Regnegade in Copenhagen was the center of world class jazz in Europe. Many of the greatest names in Jazz played there regularly. Miles Davis, Chet Baker, Ben Webster, Dexter Gordon, Sonny Rollins, Art Blakey, Muddy Waters, Dizzy Gillespie, Stan Getz, and of course the Danish bass player Niels-Henning Ørsted Pedersen. Blues for Montmartre is a nostalgic 2011 Danish documentary about the place and the people who frequented it. 9/10.

Here is Ben Webster playing Stardust in Montmartre in 1971.

🍿

Related!

That’s my jazz: Pastry chef Milt Abel ll reflects on his relationship with his late father Milton Abel Sr., a legendary Kansas City jazz musician.

Surprisingly, he went to work at Noma, and stayed in Copenhagen to open his own Danish-style bakery!

🍿

Just because I dislike science fiction as a genre, does not mean that I'm not ready to give it another chance every once in awhile (But always to be disappointed!). Gattaca seemed to be different: Dystopian bio-punk about eugenics with Gore Vidal and Ernest Borgnine... But I only lasted 30 minutes inside this shiny, sterile world: Pseudo-intellectual mambo-jumbo, horribly acted.

🍿

Throw-back to the "Art project”:  

Adora with Buñuel.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[riverdamien]

Endless Shadow

Our Endless Shadow!

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:12-13). NRSVue

=====================

On this day, May 12, many  years ago, my second year in seminary, I was driving home from my rural church's youth group on a rainy night. My car slid off the road, killing, Stacy, 15, and injuring myself. An accident that haunted me for years.

Several days later a minister friend shared with me some advice that has never left my mind:

"In time you will have two decisions you are faced with:

1. Continue in the ministry, close yourself into the institution, never question anything else in live;

2. Let yourself loose, questioning, challenge, everything and do something crazy like another friend who suffered a similar situation: he went out and raced cars with young adults."

Ultimately the second was chosen, bringing freedom of living a life of ministry, looking at all sides. A life of good mental health.

In Evie Yoder Miller's book, Volume 1: Shadows, Scruples on the Line, Miller presents a nation at the beginning, and the next two years of the Civil War, as divided in so many ways, culturally,

politically, religious  belief with many, many different denominations.  Jumping a 160 plus years later we see the same in our society.

Character, J. Fritz-Chicago, responding to a partners comments:

. . .He would rather talk about a new repeating rifle being made to kill more people, rather than discuss freeing slaves. .

...white people specifically are supposed to save the world.. .when death comes they go to a higher place."

He still believed "making money is a sacred trust, do it to the best of your ability. ."

I am sitting in the midst of "Toast" restaurant as I write, and around me people are simply talking,  about money or politics! Not much has changed!

This book is an excellent start to a three volume series.

My own resulting life from the aftermath of Stacie's death were horrible. At the time the Church simply wanted me to move, finish school, and "be strong" as an example to others.

Two quotes come to mind as I remember that time, and the journey through the years:

"Resilience is the ability to brush off pain," Kristen Roupenion,"

and James Baldwin:

"You can not love, without until you truly love yourself within."

Mental health is made up of these two quotes, and

and working with others with them. We all have a shadow, and we need to work on it all the time!

Happy Mental Health Month!

Happy Our Lady of Mary Month!

==========================

a blessing for those who care about strangers

What a waste.

That wasn’t going to get you a nicer apartment.

Bless those who give their health in service of patients who might not even deserve it.

What if that patient took unnecessary risks or was selfish or was never going to say thank you? You could have been protecting yourself or God forbid, sleeping through the night.

Bless those who listen to long, winding stories from lonely hearts.

Instead of rushing off to more interesting friends.

You picked boredom or patience instead of the warmth of being known.

That was your time and you’re never going to get it back.

Bless those who loved people who weren’t grateful.

The sick who endangered your health,

The deeply boring, who know you have things to do.

Loving people can be the most meaningful thing in the world, but it can also be hard and scary and boring and disgusting or sad or anxiety inducing with zero overtime.

Thank you to all those who make these bad investments.

Those acts of love that are not going to add up to success in the way that the world sees it.

You, my darling, are the definition of love.

This blessing was inspired by my conversation with nurse and writer Christie Watson

#######

Fr. River Damien Sims, D.Min., D.S.T.

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

punkpriest1@gmail.com

415-305-2124

River's Creed:

"I write  because this is the way I protest".

Ministry on the streets is the way I resist, dong what I can to proclaim the Gospel of Love to every human being with out judgment."

"Now I hand down to  you what has been revealed to me: that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures and he was raised on the third day according to the scriptures."

[barrygeuse]

honestly i think that @hereliesbeetlejuice is completely right with her post (here) about the potentiality of a proshot. it gets a little bit more real with each new thing they release, but i'm not sure if i want it, at least in the state that the show is in at currently.

i would kill for the obc to be memorialized (NOT AT ALL SAYING THAT CURRENT CAST IS BAD!). i wish they could all get back together and film with the obc (me preferring rob's adam aside, that's a silly little personal thing, i just think obc works together SO well. that being said i love elizabeth teeter I COULD MAKE A WHOLE OTHER POST ABOUT THE CAST that's not for now). kristen's so right about the popularity and the potential tanking of ticket sales; the way that the show is right now is not what i want to keep from this production. she's also right about the unfair comparisons -- all the casts are talented. no one deserves to be shit on for their performance, ESPECIALLY not if they're on broadway (that's a crazy feat in itself!).

i love beetlejuice to pieces, it's my biggest spinterest, and i love watching the evolution of the musical -- it's so cool to see how things develop, even if i don't like the direction they're going -- but i wish we had gotten a proshot ages ago instead of now like it seems we'll be getting.

of course i will not be upset if we do get one! i'm going to study that thing till kingdom come believe me (my snapchat story will not survive literally every scene with the maitlands in it), but this is how i'm feeling about it at this point in time.

[found-family-tournament]

Found Family Tournament Round 2 Part 6 Group 28

Propaganda and further images under the cut

(Mod Note: For increased clarity, Ghost House’s name and photo have been altered)

Chimeron: Evan Kelmp, Karen Kieko Tanaka, Whitney Jammer, Sam Black

Bad Kids: Riz "The Ball" Gukgak, Adaine Abernant, Fabian Aramaris Seacaster, Gorgug Thistlespring, Figueroth "Fig" Faeth, Kristen Applebees (& Ragh Barkrock)

Chimeron:

They’re just my little guys I love them so so much :((( sweetest guys ever

Bad Kids:

before i start the pictures below are by isawiitch (https://www.tumblr.com/isawiitch), victor rosas (https://twitter.com/SirVictorThe2nd), and m0nomercy (https://www.tumblr.com/m0nomercy) respectively check them out they're very cool and also that middle guy did the official art for fantasy high its very cool

anyways

all of these dumb teens are just god they complete each other they're the most important people in the world to each other like fabian and gorgug meeting with a punch to the stomach and going on to share a hug in an evil forest and "DO YOU WANT ME TO BITE IT OUT FOR YOU" "the ball, wait" -riz and fabian and kristen's really bad inspiring speech (they're gonna get inspiring real soon) but they are inspiring because they're from the best and sweetest friend in the whole world and gorgug getting razzed a little for thinking random people are his dad and the sheer joy everyone felt for him when he met his real parents and RIZ THE BALL GUKGAK AND FABIAN SEACASTER THE DUO OF ALL TIME and adaine learning to be a normal teen and fig swearing she's not an open person when she pours her heart out to her friends every chance she gets and riz and adaine being the only two non-horny members of the team and bonding over that and being smart but terrible in social interactions together and "its called being gay, when you're here you're family" -kristen applebees, 2019 and fig starting a band with gorgug, one of the more socially awkward members of the party and "what would riz do" "you bite down hard on a piece of glass" and adaine's actual worst fear being what she would become after her friends passed and the KILL YOUR DAD chant and its gorgug keep going and all of them feeling each others' overcoming of fear in the forest of the nightmare king no matter how far apart they are and riz shooting off an incel's fingers for being weird about adaine (there was other stuff going on but you can't convince me that it wasn't at least partially because of that) and the gang not really letting gorgug and kristen forget that one time they died (they got better and were psychologically okay with it after a bit so this was lighthearted jabs and not straight-up reminding them of a big traumatic moment) and "my friends were warmer to me on the first day that we met than you were to me in my whole life" -adaine abernant, 2020

AND that doesn't even include all the crazy stuff with bad kids-adjacent found family members like gilear faeth getting his life back together thanks to these teens and jawbone o'shaughnessy being the dad of all time to the point where he actually adopts adaine at the end of sophomore year and aelwyn abernant holy shit (she's harder to justify here because her main important interactions are with her sister, unlike gilear who is technically fig's stepdad but is a core part of the found family in all directions) aelwyn abernant is trying so desperately hard to be better and ayda aguefort and adaine swapping homemade spells named after each other (adaine kills her dad with hers its a good time) and ragh barkrock getting over his internalized homophobia

SO IN CONCLUSION these guys have changed each other so much and every single combination of them, be it a duo or a trio or whatever has a distinct dynamic thats so so important to me. they're all family to each other, some of them more than even their real families. they are the guys of all time and my blorbos even and are a wicked good found family

Sometimes a family is the kids who all got detention together on the first day of school at adventuring academy.

And sometimes that family is:

A Half-elf-Half-Pirate rich boy who killed toxic masculinity by learning how to dance, and mercy-killed his father by stabbing him with a sword.

"The Greatest Wizard of this Age" (actually a Barbarian who took a level in artificer to boost his cellphone-reception to call and apologize to his satyr girlfriend) Half-Orc drummer who was adopted by Gnomes;

A bisexual Punk-rocker Tiefling who thought she was a wood-elf until her horns came-in & caused her and her adoptive father to discover that her biological father is actually an Archdevil;

The Elven Oracle (later just "The Oracle"/"Everybody's Oracle") who was adopted by the school's Werewolf Guidance Councilor after her evil parents disowned her (she later punched her evil bio-dad to death in a single round of combat, despite being a magic caster);

An aro-ace (un)licensed Private Investigator Goblin who carries a briefcase and ate the face of the dragon that ate his father;

And a lesbian ex-fundie human who met the corn-god her family worships, found out he sucks & left the church and her family, CREATED HER OWN GOD (of Buzzfeed listical symbols, known first as "YES!" then later "YES?"), only to then abandon that god to become the Saint of the long forgotten Goddex/Goddess of Mystery, Night and Magic.

(Optionally, add in the Half-Orc repressed-gay bully they befriended and helped come out)

And sometimes, that found family becomes a literal family, because over the course of the series:

Fig's mom starts dating Adaine's adoptive dad,

Fig's adoptive dad gets engaged to Fabian's mom,

Fig's biological dad starts dating Riz's mom,

Kirsten starts dating the niece of Adaine's adoptive dad/Fig's mom' boyfriend.

(Gorgug is the only one who still isn't related to the others, but he did find his biological parents. And although he still lives with his adoptive parents, he is now in the famous band "Fig and the Cig Figs" along-side his bio-parents, Fig, and Fig's bio-dad)

Currently, Fig, Adaine, Kirsten, Fig's mom, Adaine's adopted dad, Kirsten's GF, Adaine's biological older sister, Adaine's sister's ghost fiancé, Ragh, Ragh's mom, and Fig's Half-Phoenix librarian/pirate GF all live in one giant haunted old Victorian-style Manor.

[childishfluff]

The Feeling Of Family- A MCYT Agere/CGLRE fic (Regressors!SBI+Tubbo and Ranboo, Carer!Philza)

There was a very specific feeling that came to Ranboo when he met up with his internet friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.

It came to him with every hug from Tubbo, every teasing ruffle of his hair from Techno, every inappropriate joke he shared with Tommy. It clouded his mind every time he regressed with them, too, he didn't quite know how to describe it. But if he had to put a name to this odd emotion, he'd call it 'the feeling of family'.

A/N: get ready for a looooong ride. This was written over the course of two days, I really hope you guys like it! I haven't dropped a fic thats over 4000 words in a bit, I think. This is inspired loosely by Cypherr's (on ao3!!) fic 'four's a family', that's where I got the idea of Phil just being overwhelmed because there's so many babies to deal w/, so I'm crediting them! Though, this fic is much different then their's, but also please go read their fics they're great- anyways, I hope you enjoy! This fic is kinda (?) in Ranboo's pov (third person but like,,,you see his thoughts), but there's so much going on that it kinda feels like it's jumping around? Sorry for that, I'm used to writing w/a 2 littles max per caregiver ratio, so this was different. I've also never written Phil as a caregiver before besides his brief appearance over in my 'Mister Nook' series. okay I'm done rambling,,,enjoy the fic please!

--

There was a very specific feeling that came to him when he met up with his friends. A weirdly comforting feeling, a reassurance that he had finally found his people.

In an internet dad, a fellow faceless streamer who used a pig as his icon, a song writer, a bee-loving teenager, and another who was known for wearing red and white. He felt just a bit out of place in this dynamic, SBI were the ones that were close. SBI plus Tubbo wasn't an odd pairing either, and it almost seemed as if Ranboo was only there because Tubbo was.

But that doubt seemed to wash away with the welcoming energy that the car ride to Phil and Kristin's home was filled to the very brim with. Tommy and Wilbur arguing like brothers while Ranboo and Tubbo joked about. The half-joking stern look that Phil gave him through the rear view mirror when he made an inappropriate joke. The soft feeling that Techno teasingly ruffling his hair left in his chest.

This group felt like family.

Of course, he had a perfectly good set of parents back home, but this was different. In a good way, though. This home wasn't his, it was Phil's, but he was surprisingly comfortable here. He was comfortable with his close friends.

"Breakfast is ready!"

He jolted awake with a slight shock when he heard knocking and shouting outside of the door of the room he was staying in, the noise startling him from his sleep. He rubbed at his eyes and stretched his arms above his head as the sleepiness started fading from his mind, clocking the voice as Tommy's as he processed his surroundings. It was his second day at the Philza Minecraft's, the first being made up of mostly content creation.

They had all been shown to their respective guest rooms late last night after quite a few movies and a half-asleep conversation full of laughing and heartfelt emotions. Today was supposed to be a chill day, and the next they'd be exploring the area just around Phil and Kristen's home. It was Ranboo's second time in the UK, and just like last time, he wanted to explore and get a feel for the place he'd be temporarily living in.

He fished some clothes out of his suitcase, pulling them on and discarding his pajamas in a white laundry hamper he had been given for that exact purpose. Then, he sat on the bed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it. He chuckled as he saw a picture of their entire group with a fan they had run into the day prior, just after he was picked up from the airport, remembering how many similar ones had been taken during his last meet up.

He thought back to the months he spent at Tubbo's house just a while ago, it was one of the funnest parts of his life if he was honest, and now he was right back in the UK for another long meet up. This one was supposed to be a month, at least. SBI and the Bee Duo all under one roof for an entire month! Twitter had freaked out completely when they heard of this arrangement.

During his last trip to the UK, he found out something interesting after revealing something about himself to Tubbo. He admitted to his habit of age regressing to his friend during a late night conversation, only to be met with a 'me too' and then being asked if he wanted to call some friends. This response had confused him, but he said agreed, figuring that there had to be some logic to this.

And after an hour long conversation with Techno, Tommy, Wilbur, and Phil, he learned about an ongoing secret dynamic between the group. Tommy, Tubbo, Phil, and Wilbur were all also regressors. This was a lot of information to process at around 6 am during an all-nighter, but he was glad to know he wasn't alone.

Almost immediately after finding out about his headspace, Phil insisted on taking care of him, messaging him more often and helping him regress over video calls. And over the process of a few weeks, Ranboo had been officially added to the group of littles Phil cared for regularly.

The man took the time to learn his headspace range, things that upset him, how to deal with him when he did misbehave (though the occasion was rare, especially compared to someone like Little Tommy), all in the name of making sure he was cared for. It was sweet, really, and sometimes the boy felt bad for all the man did for him.

He pushed these thoughts away as he heard his name called by his father figure from the kitchen. He groaned, exiting off of Twitter and making his way out of the room and down the hallway, through the living room and into the kitchen. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he mumbled, still tired. He took his seat between Tommy and Tubbo after entering the kitchen/dining area and was quite overwhelmed with the amount of greetings and 'good morning!'s' he got all at once.

"How'd you sleep, hun?" he smiled when he heard Kristin's voice, humming a bit, settling on responding to her instead of facing the rest of the ongoing chaos in the kitchen.

"Pretty good, I think. Still waking up, though," he admitted. He watched the woman bring a plate over to him, setting a stack of pancakes in front of him. "Thank you."

Before she got the chance to respond, Tommy was shouting all to loud for how early it was in the morning. He sounded whiny, too. "Why does he get his first? I was awake before him," he complained, earning a response from Wilbur as he entered the room, his obviously messy hair temporarily contained by a beanie.

"Maybe because he's not throwing a fit over everything like you are," He made his way over to the table as Phil shot the both of them a look. Ranboo minded his own business, digging into his food, he knew that he wasn't in trouble. The brown haired man sat next to Tommy, leaning back in his seat casually.

"Will, be nicer to your brother. And Tommy, be patient, or else both of you will be put in timeout the moment we finish eating." he threatened, half joking.

"What?" Tommy said, sounding shocked as his eyes went wide.

"I second that, none of us are little!" Tubbo finally spoke up after laughing at the situation the whole time.

"Tom-tom here is sure acting like a baby, though," Wilbur teased, sitting back up to ruffle the blond's hair, continuing even when the younger whined and attempted to shove his hand away. He only retracted it when Phil gave him another stern look.

"Stop teasing him and eat your food," he told him as Kristin brought over plates for Tommy and Wilbur. "Where's Techno?" Phil seemed like he wanted to continue talking to Wilbur, but was distracted when he noticed that someone was missing. Wilbur smirked, sticking his tongue out to Tommy, as if bragging about being let off the hook.

Even Ranboo could admit, even out of headspace, everyone seemed to fill their roles in the family dynamic well. Wilbur was the cocky middle brother who somehow simultaneously gets in the most trouble and gets away with everything, Techno is the oldest who's mostly calm but will join in on the antics when it seems fun, and Tommy's the youngest who will play the 'innocent' card at any chance he could get.

Ranboo and Tubbo's exact roles were a bit undecided, but they seemed to consist of a lot of watching the scene play out and somehow getting dragged into an argument they had nothing to do with. Phil acted as their dad, who kept peace between everyone and tried to keep things calm, while Kristen played the role of a sweet mother-type figure.

When they were little, it was a bit different, but the general feeling of family remained the same.

After a few chaotic minutes of gathering everyone up and calming everyone down, they were all sitting around the table and talking in a much more civil manner. Things got loud once again only a few minutes later when Tommy knocked over his cup of orange juice.

"Sorry!" he squeaked, "I didn't mean to!" he defended, looking up at Phil apologetically. He immediately seemed much younger, a light pout on his lips as he apologized for his clumsiness.

"It's alright, Toms." the man assured, flashing a soft smile to let the regressor know that he was alright, reaching for the paper towels across the table. In just a few moments it was like there was never a spill in the first place. "Can you get him a sippy cup, please?" he asked Kristin, who immediately set off to get the requested item.

"I told you he was a baby," Wilbur spoke up next, predictably earning protests from the clearly regressing boy next to him.

"I'm not a baby!" the younger cried, looking to his other  "Techno, tell him I'm not a baby!"

"I mean, only babies need sippy cups," the other man leaned a bit closer the table, his words causing the teenager's eyes to widen.

"Can't Kristin just refill dis one?" he questioned, holding up the cup he had knocked over and looking to Phil hopefully.

"Sorry, buddy, I just don't want you to make another mess." Phil sighed, shooting a disappointed look towards Wilbur and Techno. Ranboo sunk further into his seat, trying to avoid getting pulled into the conflict. He wasn't sure how the others could handle Phil's 'disappointed look' so easily, the boy was very much scared of it.

"I'm not gonna!" Tommy whined, practically glaring at the cup that was set in front of him a moment later. He huffed and crossed his arms, refusing to drink or eat anything.

"This is what happens when you make fun of him, he gets all insecure and stubborn," Tubbo groaned, rolling his eyes as if they had been through this process a million times over.

"Tubbo's right, apologize to him," the oldest man ordered. Wilbur and Techno looked at him as if this suggestion was completely outrageous, so he added, "Now."

"Okay, okay!" Wilbur gave in, sounding defensive, "I'm sorry, Toms. You're not a baby."

"Really?" he lowered his arms, finally uncrossing them.

"No, you're just clumsy and we're sorry for making fun of you for it," Techno sounded very reluctant, but he followed Phil's orders. After these apologies, the rest of breakfast went fairly smoothly. By the end of it, Tommy was very obviously fully regressed and making a useless attempt to hide it.

It was a fairly often occurrence that Tommy slipped just for fun, acting and being treated like a kid was something he just liked. He got to be the annoying little brother and watch cartoons while he did it, it was a win-win across the board.

But Phil and Kristin knew, that whenever one of them slipped over their voice chats, anyone else in the discord call would too. And now, they were all actually together under one roof, so he was sure he'd have five littles to deal with by noon at latest.

--

As predicted, all of the boys ended up in littlespace, slipping one after another like a line of dominoes getting knocked over. After some reassurance from Phil, Tommy allowed himself to slip, and he dragged his best friend into a game of pretend. And the two toddler minded teenagers decided they wanted to play with Techno and Ranboo as well, and Wilbur soon followed when Phil babied him a bit to much.

At first, it was quite loud, and there was a lot of conflict and disagreements between the boys. Eventually, after everyone but Ranboo had managed to get in some sort of trouble, Phil sat the boys down to watch cartoons. Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur were out like a light one episode in. Wilbur was in babyspace, he always needed extra sleep, and Tommy tired himself out by crying when he assumed Phil was upset with him.

Tubbo, however, was just tired. No excuse, that's just how he was sometimes.

Ranboo and Techno were older then the rest of them, and far more behaved, so they didn't get quite as much attention earlier in the day. Phil was quite busy comforting Wilbur and trying to keep Tommy and Tubbo in check, and it didn't help that Kristin had to leave the house. To make up for this, Phil wanted to do something special with them while the other three took their mid-day naps.

After a while of Ranboo and Techno watching cartoons, trying to stay quiet so that their friends could sleep peacefully, Phil spoke up.

"Boys, quietly follow me," he whispered, managing to get out from under from where Wilbur was laying cuddling up to him without waking the boy up. Techno and Ranboo glanced at each other, seemingly confused but intrigued. They scrambled to get up, following their caregiver into the kitchen.

"What are we doin', dada?" Techno questioned once they entered the other room. They had left the cartoons on, so Phil was fairly sure they wouldn't be able to hear what was going on in the kitchen.

"You guys are gonna be my little helpers for snack time, okay? I got some special treats and such for everyone and we need to put everything together before everyone gets up!" the man explained in a quiet but excited tone, speaking even quieter as if his next words were a secret, "And if you guys do a good job, I'll even give you an extra cookie."

Ranboo's face immediately lit up, and he bounced on his feet as he awaited more instructions. Phil specifically chose him and Techno out of all of them, they must be special. It was like a super secret mission, just for them!

"So we're all gonna have fruit and vegetables before we get to the sweets," he continued on, going over the fridge and pulling out various fruits and vegetables, "Techno, could you wash the strawberries and blueberries for me?" he asked.

"Mhm!" he agreed, excited to be able to help. It seem weird that Phil's idea of "something special" was just putting them to work, it was more about the idea of making them feel special. They were more well behaved then everyone else, so they got extra time with Phil and a cookie.  

"What do I get to do?" Ranboo questioned. He watched as Technoblade took the containers with the fruit he was told to wash over to the sink.

"Are you big enough to pour drinks for everyone?" he questioned, pulling various new sippycups and bottles from a hidden spot in one of the cabinets. The two littles gasped, completely distracted from their tasks, "Yes, some of these are for you two." he chuckled at their excitement, coming over to Ranboo and holding out a simple but cute black and white sippy cup.

"I thought maybe you could put stickers on it," Phil explained. The boy nodded quickly, practically attacking him in a hug. "Okay, go on, get to work now." he said, motioning over to the counter where the rest of them sat.

As requested, they got to work. Techno helped wash the fruit and put then on their plates, while Ranboo filled the sippy cups and bottles with whatever drink each one of them liked best. His demise came when he tried to sneak soda into his sippy cup without asking, and he managed to spill it all over the counter.

"Uh oh! Spill on aisle Ranboo!" Phil joked, grabbing the paper towels and running over to help. Immediately, the boy panicked. He was the well behaved one, and Phil was gonna find out that he was trying to be sneaky! His guilt was obviously clear to the caregiver, because the next thing he said was, "Don't worry, accidents happen."

The gentle and reassuring tone he used only made him feel worse. It only took the man a moment to actually realize what the boy had been pouring into the cup. "Ranboooo," the caregiver held out his words, sounding disappointed, "You know that you could've asked for soda if you really wanted it, right? You've been so good all day, I would've given it to you."

"Really?" he asked, pouting when the man took the cup and dumped the liquid in the sink. He then ripped paper towels from the roll and wiped up the remainder of the drink from the counter.

"Yeah, I would've," Phil affirmed, "But trying to sneak around me isn't okay. You told me you were putting juice in here. That's lying, and I know for a fact that you're big enough to know that's not allowed. " he tsked, causing Ranboo to look down at his feet.

"M' sorry," he mumbled, ready to cry over such a small thing. He knew what he was doing was dumb, Phil rarely let them have sweets like that when they were small due to the fact that they got hyper.

"Don't cry, sweetheart, you're not in trouble," the man assured with a sigh, softening his tone immediately, rinsing the cup out as he spoke. Ranboo still felt bad, despite the gentle reassurance. He glanced up to see the man filling his cup with his favorite drink besides the over sugary soda: strawberry lemonade. "Here you go." he tightened the lid onto it and held it out for him.

"Sorry, dada," he apologized again, his eyes still glassy as he took it in his hands. Phil sighed a bit, opening his arms and pulling him close.

"You're okay, buddy, I promise you." he spoke gently, "Little boys make mistakes sometimes, it's alright." The man knew that while Ranboo might've been regressed to an older age, he was still quite sensitive, and he always felt overly bad whenever he got in trouble. Even if he had managed to get away with sneaking the soda, he would've owned up to what he did guiltily after just a few sips of the drink.

That's just how he was.

"M' all done!" Techno's voice interrupted them as he finished placing the snack-filled plates in their spot at the table, besides their respective sippy cups. Phil pulled away from the other regressor and ruffled his hair, smiling at him before addressing the other little.

"Good job, honey. You're such a good helper," he complimented, before looking back to Ranboo. "And so are you." he reminded. Ranboo giggled a bit, feeling happiness well up in his chest at the praise despite any childish guilt. The giggles only increased when his caregiver tapped the button of his nose, causing him to scrunch it up.

Once he was sure that Ranboo was alright, or at least doing a bit better, he gave them their next instructions. One good thing about Ranboo was that it was easy to sway his emotions to the more positive end if it was done before any tears came. "Take your seats and eat, I'm gonna wake up your brothers and have them pick up their toys from earlier, then they'll join you." he told them, before leaving the room.

Technoblade's eyes followed Phil as he exited the room, and he waited until he was sure he was out of earshot to say anything. "Psst, 'anboo," Techno leaned close to the table, grabbing the other boy's attention.

"Wha'?" he questioned, popping a grape in his mouth and tilting his head in curiousity.

"We should scare daddy when he comes back in! It'll be so cool," he suggested, "We can wait by the door and jump out!"

"Hmm...," Ranboo looked over to where the other pointed, considering his options, "We 'posed to be eatin'." he pointed out, shaking his head.

"We won' get in trouble, it's just playin' round," he tried to sound convincing. It seemed to work, because Ranboo reconsidered, before hesitantly nodding. He grabbed one more grape and his sippy cup before standing up, Techno leading him over to the entrance of the room. They were concealed behind the wall on either side of the doorway.

They listened Phil woke the others up and helped them put the toys away, excitement ramping up as they waited. To their shock, Tommy entered first, fully ready to greet him in his usual loud tone. Techno quickly put his finger to his lip, shaking his head to signal him to be quiet. Tommy's eyes widened as he realized what was happening, deciding to duck behind the with his older brother.

It was then that Phil entered, carrying Wilbur. The boys jumped out from their spots, exclaiming different variations of "boo!" and "AHH!", breaking out into giggles immediately after. Wilbur squeaked, the sound startling him a bit, but he didn't seem upset. "Well hello, little ones," Phil chuckled, "If I remember correctly, you boys are supposed to be at the table."

"Jus' wanted to scare you! We go eat now," Techno assured, taking Tommy's wrist in his hand and pulling him over to the table. Ranboo however, peeked behind Phil to see if Tubbo was coming.

"Where Tubs at?" he pulled on Phil's shirt before he could walk away, whining a bit.

"He had a bit of an accident," the man admitted, "He's a bit smaller now, but he'll be out soon, okay?"

"Okay..." he trailed off, looking out into the living room, completely set on standing there until his best friend was able to join him.

"How about you head over to the table, kiddo?" his caregiver questioned, earning a pout from the little. "Okay, okay, you can wait here for him!" he decided, figuring there was nothing wrong with it. With a forehead kiss, Phil left him at the doorway.

"Tubbo! We gots apple slices for you!" he rambled excitedly when his friend finally did arrive, running towards him and grabbing his hand. He started to pull him further into the kitchen, but the mentally younger of the two stumbled a bit, seemingly clumsier then he was earlier in the day.

Ranboo realized that he had a pacifier in his mouth now, and he saw Phil replacing his sippy cup with a bottle out of the corner of his eye. He had worked hard to put apple juice in that sippy cup, he thought, pouting a bit.

"M' sorry, didn' mean to make you almost fall! We can go slow," he decided, earning a thankful smile from the other regressor. "Are you gonna say anything?" he asked, walking beside him. As they approached the table, Phil replied for the boy.

"He's a bit younger, bud, he might not be up for talking," he explained, "You know what it's like to be so little that you feel like a baby. Can we all be understanding? He's only a bit older then Wilbur at the moment." "

Tubbo seemed quite embarrassed as he sunk into his seat, pulling his pacifier from his mouth to eat his food. There were sounds of agreement around the table. Ranboo was curious as to what exactly made Tubbo slip so much younger then he usually did, but he didn't voice this curiosity, settling on eating his food in favor of not embarrassing his friend anymore then he already was. .

"These are yucky!" Tommy claimed, pushing his plate with carrots and ranch away from him.

"You like carrots and ranch, what are you talking about?" Phil sounded tired and just a bit annoyed.

"Don' want em," he shook his head, whining just as he had that morning when Wilbur teased him.

"If you eat them you'll get a cookie," the caregiver bribed.

"What type of cookie?" the toddler minded boy squinted his eyes, as if considering this, as if it was a negotiation of sorts.

"Sugar cookie, chocolate chip, I think we have Oreos too...whatever you could want," this definitely caught the boys interest.

"Chocolate chip?" his eyes went wide with excitement, which was only intensified when Phil nodded. Immediately, he uncrossed his arms and pulled his plate back towards him. Phil seemed satisfied with this, ruffling his hair.

The boys were still waking up, so Phil asked them to talk about their elaborate games from earlier in the day to keep them occupied. So, as they ate their snacks, they giggled about imaginary wars and adventures and argued over who won their dramatic plastic sword duels. Eventually, the caregiver gave them their promised sweets before sending them back off to play.

"Ranboo, you left your sippy cup in the kitchen," Phil tapped the boy's shoulder and distracted him from his game of peek-a-boo with Tubbo. He quickly discovered that his friend seemed much to little to participate in any games he'd usually play, so he did what he always saw Phil do with Wilbur: play a simpler one.

It was obviously much more entertaining for the littler of the two, but Ranboo was happy to hear his friend's giggles and squeaks. "Oh! Thanks, dada!" the boy reached up to take his sippy cup from the caregiver as he was sitting on the floor and Phil was standing. Ranboo gasped when he took a drink, feeling bubbles on his tongue.

Immediately, Phil put a finger to his lips and gave him a warning look. This made the boy giggle a bit as he nodded, understanding the signal. "Thank you!" he repeated, smiling when his hair was ruffled softly. The moment didn't last long, Tommy called Phil over for something, and it was back to peek-a-boo with his best friend.

Ranboo didn't mind it, though, peek-a-boo was fun. Being with everyone was fun, even if it meant he got a bit less attention due to there being so much going on. It all evened out, he got to be a snack time helper! And he got an extra cookie! If you asked him, that was pretty awesome.

In the next few days, they'd all get back into making more collaborative content, as that was the point of this meet up, but for now, it was just time to play. To spend time together, to cuddle, and giggle, and make far to much noise in the name of fun. To just be a family.

That was the specific feeling that came to Ranboo with this meet up. The comforting feeling that bubbled in his chest whenever he got a forehead kiss or his hair ruffled by Phil, or when he played babyish games with his friends when they regressed younger then him.

This was the thing that clouded his mind whenever he regressed with this group specifically, or when they were in the car, joking about anything and everything as they got closer and closer to their destination. A feeling that consistently made his life better, the feeling that brought a smile to his face everyday...

The Feeling of Family.

--

A/N: I really hope you liked that adorable mess of 4500 words! I appreciate reblogs and likes, but no matter what, thanks for reading to the end! Did you like the chaotic feeling that five littles/so many people brought into my fic? I kinda had to switch up my normal formulas to make room for so many characters, there's a reason I literally put three character to sleep halfway through the fic hjsikajsa. Did I write Phil well? I tried to portray how a caregiver w/so many littles would act somewhat realistically? Kind of overwhelmed but managing. Also, did you like me portraying ranboo as 'the angle little' of the group? idk I felt like it fit his personality in the scenario. If you reply with/send an ask/reblog with feedback, you can answer those questions, leave a request for something (whether it be in the universe father into the month-long meetup timeline I set up or just another fic), state your general opinions on the fic, or just leave a strand of emojis if words are hard. No matter what, it means a lot! I hope you all have a great day!!!!

[katnissmellarkkk]

Book Peeta vs Movie Peeta.

What key point or best qualities of Peeta's that lost in the movie adaptation?

What do you think about Josh Hutcherson portrayal's of Peeta?

Thank you,

@curiouspeetamellark

controversial take here…

To me? Pretty much everything about Peeta feels different in the movies? I can’t even like start listing things, because book!Peeta and movie!Peeta feel like two separate untouching circles to me. What key points Peeta lost when they did a book transition into a movie were really everything? His entire personality essentially was absent. Especially from the first film.

Like it’s obvious at this point if you watch all the bts stuff for the films and the press junkets and promotional interviews that these films were made with the sole purpose of making Katniss into a #girlboss. Hollywood only knows how to make one kind of film like this and all they did that was so “revolutionary” was make Katniss the man and Peeta the woman in the storyline. The book featured Peeta as being her rock, someone she looked up to and admired greatly, someone she loved even when she didn’t want to so much as even like him, and someone who had a different kind of strength and showed her a new way of thinking. Peeta inspired Katniss and influenced her and was there for her throughout the entire series and I don’t think any of that came through in the films. I really don’t think anyone who was on that movie set really understood Peeta’s character tbh. They treated Peeta like a dumb little kid tagging along in all four films. And yeah, they gave him a moment or two here and there but it wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot.

I always feel like Jennifer plays it so that Katniss seems annoyed by him or burdened by him half the time. Until you get to Mockingjay, you know what I’ll give them that. They did Mockingjay Part One with all of Katniss’ feelings for Peeta extremely well. And that’s not something I put lightly. I think Katniss’ love for Peeta is so on display in that film.

I have very complex feelings on Josh as Peeta. He’s never been my Peeta. Tbh that’s why I didn’t fall in love with Everlark until 2020. Because I didn’t actually separate book Peeta from movie Peeta (or book and movie Katniss either) until then. On the other hand, I’m pretty critical of acting and I don’t have any actual critiques of his acting as much as the writing and direction he was given. Which is pretty rare for me, I typically have an issue with some of the acting in things I love. And I really don’t at all in thg film series.

It may be also be the fact that I will never not see Josh as the child actor I grew up watching. He was the literal “go to crying boy” for movies for almost my entire childhood (and for the collective childhood of a certain age bracket of people (just look up tweets about him on Twitter)) and so I actually have a lot of love for him, but I don’t particularly feel like he’s Peeta to me. And maybe that’s in part because I am stuck seeing him as the kid in Little Manhattan or Jesse from Bridge to Teribithia or the crying kid in this movie my gramma made me watch or as Kristen Stewart’s little brother in Zuthara who actually grows up to be Dax Shepard.

And also on the other end… quite bluntly? Josh and Jen together just don’t look or feel like Everlark to me? And I mean more than just their hair colors being off or their eye colors or something. When they’re together onscreen they just don’t look or feel right aesthetically to me. As a separate entity I do enjoy the movies though, they’re well done in their own right, but they just aren’t connected to the books for me.

[happymetalgirl]

Album of the Year: Lingua Ignota - Sinner Get Ready

I knew this was going to be a challenging album to write about (as it’s already a challenging enough album to listen to), and thanks to the additional context of the album’s creation, environment, and inspiration recently provided by Kristen Hayter, that gargantuan challenge has only grown. But as inactive as I have been on this blog, I have known that I wanted to write about this album ever since it came out and immediately grabbed my ears and declared itself the year's best by a mile, so here goes.

I write long pieces. Even when I say I’ll try to keep it short. But I’m not deluding myself on this one; this is going to be long.

As strong as the urge is to “focus on the music”, there is no way to adequately or responsibly address this album without the context surrounding it, and much of that context is extremely harrowing. I will be discussing the things that happened that Hayter divulged in her relationship with Alexis Marshall of the band Daughters, and while I will avoid being intentionally gratuitous, the discussion comes with the same content warnings she provided: sexual assault, rape, suicide, mental and emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.

Lingua Ignota has deservedly garnered tremendous praise throughout the segments of the music world that have become attentive to Hayter's work, and the praise from the metal world is but a fraction of it. I discovered her through her collaboration with The Body on the best tracks from their LP I Have Fought Against It, But I Can't Any Longer., shortly after the release of Lingua's All Bitches Die. But it was of course with 2019's Caligula that Lingua Ignota's gripping "survivor anthems" really broke through to a larger captive audience, and again, deservedly so. To call "compelling" the 66 minutes of juxtaposition between angelic, soaring classical vocals and shuddering vengeful screams of agony, gorgeous neoclassical arrangements and harsh industrial noise, evocative, liturgical poetry and utterly unrepentant devilish incantations, violent curses, and death wishes that Caligula offers would be a gross understatement. With it, Hayter expanded on an already-solid foundation of uniquely and honestly petrifying lyricism and a similarly unique sonic pallet that set her far apart from even her closest contemporaries (if there even are any). And yet, Sinner Get Ready is even better.

For as much praise as I gave Caligula (and it was honest praise), I felt like I wasn't really connecting to it at the level that I felt like I could or should or that the album deserved, possibly also based on how much I saw it clearly meant to people for whom its messages hit closer to home. As my blog's name implies, I'm a boy, and because of that I've been dealt a luckier hand in terms of being more likely to go through life without facing sexual assault or fearing it, and I have indeed fortunately never found myself in danger or sexual assault (not saying that men don't face sexual assault or that sexual assault against men isn't important, it's just not as much and often not as physically violent). I even wondered on and off how much of the critical acclaim Caligula received might have been based on some writers' feelings of obligation due to the grim honesty of the subject matter. Honestly, I think there probably is some element of obligation to it, but ultimately I don't think it's important, it's unprovable, likely negligible, and ultimately not worth worrying about for an album certainly deserving in significant part because of the harsh truths it so boldly presents. I've never got the sense that Hayter is manipulatively pimping her trauma for a cynical artistic cash grab or anything, even if I didn't connect as deeply to it on Caligula as others.

Sinner Get Ready, on the other hand, clicked immediately. Not only that, I gained a greater appreciation for Caligula through it, and this is after I had expected less of the follow-up to Caligula for some reason(s). The title being taken from a line from the title track of All Bitches Die had me wondering if it was going to be a handful of reworked demos or something, plus Hayter's stating that it would be calmer and not as industrially driven as her past works (which I interpreted as choosing to fight with one hand tied behind the back), and it seeming to come so soon after Caligula had me not expecting as much of Sinner Get Ready. I was so happy to be proven wrong though. "Happy" may not find a place for much else in this review though. Unlike Caligula, the lyrical focus of Sinner Get Ready was much more tangible and close-to-home for me; Hayter's dialogues with and challenging of belief in God and her experience with the sickness of organized religion came after a culmination of my own very long process of walking away from Christianity. While Hayter has a hard time describing her own complex position on faith and God and hasn't fully ruled out belief, her album does not shy away from harsh critique and conversations far more honest and biting than the thoughtless, rehearsed bullshit praise-Jesus prayers of most pastors.

Still astounding to me is how incredible these more “stripped back” instrumentals are. I thought Hayter restricting herself from her harrowing screaming vocals (with the exception of one song) and industrial noise would be her holding herself back; instead, Hayter and her producers take the more traditional sonic palette of Appalachian folk instrumentation and Cathedral-filling pipe organ, choirs, and piano and twist it all into a quite thematically fitting thing to behold. I suppose I should get past the preamble and start getting into the finer details of the album, which I will do song-by-song for the sake of organization. I’ll still have plenty to say afterwards, and not just about the album.

———

"The Order of Spiritual Virgins"

Sinner Get Ready opens with its longest track, and it is an epic indeed deserving of its 9-minute run-time. It’s not an epic in the same way winding 20-minute prog rock songs are, but it captures more vividly and scarily than any other religious music I’ve heard the type of unworldly religious experience it sets up. The song is inspired by a sexually repressive and isolating Christian sect/cult from the 1700’s that resided in the state in which Hayter took residence during this album's creation. The lyrics are few and they become taken over as the song progresses by these seriously eerie, mesmerized, atonal choir mantras of “eternal devotion”, but they are enough within the unnerving swells of strings and freakish explosions of clanging low-register piano and odd old-timey percussion to capture the sinister transfixion of being coaxed into extreme religious devotion. It is indeed not without its unambiguously negative connotations of futile hyper-protectivity and authoritarianism with the lines “Sickness finds a way in” (which ushers in the hypnotized swells of devotion and cinematically foreboding piano chaos) and “I am relentless, I am incessant, I am the ocean” making their way into the chants before “eternal devotion” takes over. Given the inclusion of elements of domestic abandonment and Hayter’s history of writing about her past (and at the time current) abuser, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to interpret/apply these lyrics to malignant devotion to a life-consuming abusive partner. The chaos of the song concludes with a spoken sample of a man talking about finding a more vivid connection to his lost mother's presence in his childhood in silent solitude than to a tangible person in a crowd, solidifying the song's theme of isolation through religious devotion: “that’s what you get out of the silence”. Whether it’s a deceptive religious leader, a controlling partner, or even a desperate devotion to an idea of God, the eerie, Cathedral-filling, soul-strangling monolith of instrumental cacophony of the song is brilliantly fitting. A phenomenal introductory movement to the album, and it's only the beginning.

"I Who Bend the Tall Grasses"

Oh shit, second track in and this album is already more intense than the most try-hard shit out there with this song’s chilling dialogue between Hayter, God, and possibly one other person. I’m sure any who’ve been to church enough or who’ve had to sit through “grace” at the thanksgiving table last month with racist relatives know how the typical performative prayers go and how aggravatingly inauthentic they grow over years of repetition as a supposed communication to the most important power in life. It's hollow bullshit. By contrast, the manic, vengeful performance Hayter gives here through some of the most dynamically and diversely expressive vocals on the album is realer than any prayer I’ve ever heard. While the lines of the song alternate somewhat ambiguously between being spoken by the praying speaker and the divine, the prayer itself is hardly ambiguous. Like she has many times before, Hayter’s speaker is a calling upon the Lord whom she has dutifully served and vociferously demanding divine vengeance upon the man in the lyrics. The way the lyrics progress, it sounds like God is refusing to grant Hayter’s demands despite her many sacrifices, and instead asserts his own power in defense of the man. While the rest of the album does see Hayter focus more on classically styled singing (however layered it gets), here she pulls out the violent, enthralling delivery that made her past works so chilling. Knowing now that this album was created not in the distant aftermath, but in the throes, of an abusive relationship heightens the grimness of this song especially. Like the preceding track, dissonant choral mantras raise the tension of the atmosphere as Hayter proclaims “where does your light not shine?” over grand pipe organ chords and chapel chimes as inverted in their appropriation as the religious imagery Hayter invokes in her vein-bulging, blood-curdling calls for death. It’s the most incantational/liturgical-like song in the album and it’s a brilliantly hellish, nightmarish distortion of it that’s as petrifying as music gets.

"Many Hands"

Reprising the refrain from “All Bitches Die (All Bitches Die Here)” that titles the album, “Many Hands” switches its mode of dialogue with the divine to from distorted Catholic chamber instrumentation to mutated Appalachian folk incantations, with sharply piercing and violent plucks of acoustic guitar or something else that sound as though they’re about the break the damn thing, along with dissonant strums of banjo or dulcimer or some shit backing Hayter’s cold recitations. The repeated lyrics about the Lord both weeping of his sacrifice for the speaker while holding her by the neck shed light on the internal contradictions of the gospel of the omnipotent and supposedly sorrowful God forced to both sacrifice himself and somehow unable to save those whom he loves. There are certainly parallels one could draw between the Lord in these lines and the controlling partner Hayter had at the time as well, and of all the songs on the album that parallel a loveless God and a loveless lover, this one perhaps paints the most candidly sinister picture of the kind of false benevolence of their repeated punishments. And the wholly unsettling instrumentation on the verge of snapping in the background behind Hayter’s operatic wails of really provides the anxiety appropriate for the song and brings out the true malevolence of both subjects in one of the album's most sonically pioneering pieces.

"Pennsylvania Furnace"

This is the one that really gets me. As soon as this was released as the first song from the upcoming album, I knew this “toned down approach” was nothing to worry about except for what it would do to my tear ducts. Damn if this one isn’t a fucking heart-churner. Sticking to minimalist piano and only the subtlest of stringed backing to supplement her beautifully mournful vocals on the track, Hayter pulls out a simply breathtaking classical ballad piece whose every chord change is a perfect twisting of the knife in the soul. The song deals with the earthly hell of isolation and other people’s creating of that isolation but it also ties in this sense of hopelessness in the unconvinced religious invocations it employs. There’s just something so heartbreaking in the somber sarcasm in the earnest softness of Hayter’s delivery of “There is victory in Jesus”. There’s so much expression in it, I can hear the regret and self-chastising of turning for help to a God who never gave any. There are many ways to read into it, but the line “do you want to be in hell with me” to me reads of a defeated self-loathing that rejects what seems like the futility of help and only accepts company in misery. Knowing now how close the the brink of death Hayter’s relationship with Alexis Marshall pushed her, I could certainly see this song’s lyrics being pulled from a suicidal mindset, giving that line an even darker connotation. Goddamn there is so much concentrated heartbroken anguish in this song, and lines like “I know you want to stop, but you can’t stop”, the lines about casting off earthly bonds, the lines about watching the home with the family from a looking-in view while alone, and “I fear your name / above all others” are given so much more deeply tragic context in the wake of Hayter’s story about the relationship this song was borne from. Everything about this song, the somber piano, the swells of vocal vibrato, the tragic lyrics, to me, makes it the best on the album.

"Repent Now Confess Now"

Hayter takes us back to mass for the fifth track of the album with the return of the hall-filling strings and layered choral vocals (and bringing this time a banjo’s subtle strums), and to paint a portrait of self-loathing blame kneeling in desperation before a thankless and spiteful God. The odd references to the surgeon’s blade and the taking of her legs certainly tie into Hayter’s emergency surgery to prevent Cauda equina syndrome. The Lord’s taking of her legs and will to live (also given extra dark meaning in the context of her suicide attempt) as the apparent abundant pardon highlights the sadism mankind has written into God with religion and the lengths of self-hatred that abuse drove Hayter to. It is both angering in its themes and terrifying in how the overwhelming voices and ominous instrumentation plays into the congregational commands of repentance, another excellent fusion of disparate sounds and disfigured religious practice by Kristen Hayter and her collaborators.

"The Sacred Linament of Judgement"

Incorporating some of the most immaculate imagery on this album, Hayter contrasts forgiveness and rejection by God on the arbitrary ground they on which they stand on “The Sacred Linament of Judgement”. Hayter seems more focused on the cruelty of (man through) religion on this song than she is on the cruelty of man himself (through Alexis Marshall elsewhere on the album), but her inclusion of a sample of the confession of infidelity by evangelical pastor Jimmy Swaggart beneath the droning horns and strings and the religion-soaked verbiage she sings ties the song back to the real-world hypocrisy and abuses of power by religious figures and how even in the face of being proven liars, they fall back on and use God to defend themselves and cover themselves with a shield of new lies. And the more minimal and less dynamic droning of the instrumentation, to me, feels like it brings out the plain-facedness of these charlatans’ honey-coated treacheries. This is not to say that the music is dull or uninteresting; it is still filled with subtle percussive accents that give the song a human sort of beat. In the sampled sermon, Swaggart cites his betrayal against his wife Frances and other believers around the world before getting to the point with his proclamation of being washed by the holy blood of the Lord’s forgiveness, and (critically, key word here) forgetfulness. Hayter’s presentation of Swaggart’s being divinely forgiven alongside lyrics of her own forsaking by God shine light on the extremity of the reinforcement of misogynist societal standards by religion, making it a key thematic addition to the album that she builds upon further.

"Perpetual Flame of Centralia"

Before building on the Swaggart material, Lingua Ignota offers up another soft piano number with the album’s second single, “Perpetual Flame of Centralia”. The title referencing and inspired by an abandoned Pennsylvanian town beneath which a coal mine fire’s ceaseless burning made it uninhabitable, “Perpetual Flame of Centralia” finds Lingua Ignota returning to the meditative calmness of minimal piano and doubt-riddled religious odes. Through the album’s most deadly soft soothing vocals, Hayter both covers herself in the blood of Jesus and compares the poison of her life to that of the devil’s, all the while casting off fear for the sake of righteousness. The line “I rest my head in a holy kingdom” seems delivered similarly disingenuously to the victorious lyric in “Pennsylvanian Furnace”, and the choruses reinforce the stronger belief in a destiny in hell. It’s another one of the more open-ended songs on the album, but the quietness of the piano chords also really forces the focus on the contrast Hayter draws between the brief and futile beauty of life with the eternal fires of hell that the aforementioned ghost town so naturally evokes comparisons to and that she feels God had placed her in by putting her in Pennsylvania with no one but a new abusive partner. It’s the softest cut on the album, but the stylistic comfort and the break from dissonance it provides is a misleading comfort, and one that plays into to the themes of religion's misleading comfort and abusers' misleading affection throughout the album. It's not viscerally violent, but it should certainly not be mistaken for peace either.

"Man Is Like a Spring Flower"

After ruminating on hell and Pennsylvania, Lingua Ignota picks back up where “The Sacred Linament of Judgement” left off, opening with an audio sample, now of a mildly adversarial interview of the sex worker who pastor Swaggart visited repeatedly. The interviewer asks if she believes Swaggart’s words of repentance and his tears, and after a brief hesitation during which the interviewer tries to suggest the sincerity of Swaggart’s confession, she responds with disbelief. She says that she thinks he is just doing at the pulpit what he had always done while he continued to come to her for sex and that the real Jimmy Swaggart is the one he showed her he was while hidden from the eyes of the congregation. Hayter then breaks into a acoustic folk-instrumentation-filled lamentation on the futility of love in what is probably her most open condemnation of the romantic infidelity by Alexis Marshall that was recently revealed to have been taking place. This song’s inclusion of the believedly true, infidelitous character of Jimmy Swaggart beneath his Christ-loving exterior and the unambiguous stanza “No one is enough / One is not enough / No one is enough / The heart of man is impossible to hold” make uncanny its inspiration by the insatiable need for sex and other women beneath the countless fake excuses for betrayal of Alexis Marshall. Hayter likens man to a vessel for God’s impulses, mostly violence and punishment, as he refers to the heart of man as a furnace, a fiery pit, the seventh gate of hell, quite frankly as the hand of God itself, and in an odd lyric that makes more morbid sense in hindsight, as a crushed horse’s tail. Anatomists named the bottom part of the human spinal cord that branches out at about the level of the sacrum the “cauda equina”, which means horse’s tail, because that’s what it looks like. Knowing now that her back injury was inflicted by Alexis and led to her having surgery for damage to these nerves makes all clearer that he is most certainly the primary subject of this song, in which Hayter undoubtedly analogizes him to the hellish punishment of God itself. Alexis’ infidelity to a degree possibly far beyond Swaggart’s only cements him further into the song as kin to the disgraced pastor with the repeated stanza of love and of no one being enough. The way the staccato strings, high-register vocals, and wooden percussion swell to a crescendo at the song’s climax make it one of the most dynamic and cinematic pieces of the album, and well deserving of its eclipsing of the 7-minute mark and yet another favorite on an album so difficult to pick favorites from.

"The Solitary Brethren of Ephrata"

With the last sample Hayter provides, probably the most infuriatingly relevant outside the album, the infamous churchgoer interview during the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic provides such a concise reminder of the wide reach of the real-world damage that the careless selfishness that lies at the heart of religious lunacy does. Asked about concerns of potentially spreading the sickness to others she interacts with, the interviewee replies only about the safety she herself feels she has as a believer “covered in Jesus’ blood” and that she believes others of her faith have, essentially condemning everyone else to suffer the judgement of God through the pandemic and capturing the malicious focal intent of punishment of outsiders beneath the “love the sinner” window dressing of religion. - And then Hayter launches into possibly the most heart-crushing song behind “Pennsylvania Furnace” to close out the album. The lyrics about belief in the promise of and longing for heavenly paradise read as both unbelieved hope in God’s love and as suicidal ideation with heaven as an escape from all the hells of the songs preceding this one. It’s the tragic morbid truth that suicidal people tell themselves and the solace that the loved ones they leave behind hold onto: that there’s no more pain for them anymore. “All my pains are lifted / Paradise is mine / All my wounds are mended”. The underlying cynicism and soulful brokenness in those words is so incredibly crushing given all that has preceded it, not just on this album, but also on Caligula and All Bitches Die and Hayter’s first work as Lingua Ignota. That Hayter is singing this not in raucous or fearsome dissonance, but rather in the sweetness of the major key of traditional hymns of worship behind some of the most gorgeous instrumentation on the album makes all the more somber and climactic the finality of the song and makes it stand out among the others. But Hayter is of course writing this after surviving her attempted suicide and after escaping her abusive relationship, and the paradise she consigns herself to is under the dominion of loneliness, “ugliness my home”, a heart-wrenching acceptance of isolation and the absence of love as the best it gets. That Kristen Hayter made it out of the hell of Pennsylvania and her relationship with Alexis Marshall while there is indeed a triumph, and perhaps that she has once again survived to make a powerful album is enough to call paradise.

Sinner Get Ready is tainted by not a single wasted sound or word, and for as difficult it is to fully express what this album does to me while listening to (and how difficult it is to fully understand exactly what it's doing), I do know the incredible magnitude of its power, and it is indeed power. The impact this album makes goes beyond it sounding like nothing else with its revolutionary utilization of the sonic elements it pulls from. I am not a spiritual person, but the catharsis that Sinner Get Ready provides is certainly earns its description as a spiritual experience. It is a masterpiece of authenticity and musical vision that truly transcends genre that very few other pieces of music can also be called.

———

Contextual Discussion:

As hard as this album hit on first listens, the different light that Hayter’s revelations about the abuse she lived through in her relationship with Alexis Marshall put this album in made this already-difficult album somehow a hell of a lot more crushing. She’s not singing about the same abuser she cursed on Let the Evil of His Lips Cover Him, or on All Bitches Die, or on Caligula. Tragically, Kristen Hayter is singing of a different man whose name is even alongside Lingua Ignota’s on a few non-album tracks she's released since Caligula. It’s tragic also to think that what I had thought of as such a short time between Caligula and Sinner Get Ready for Lingua Ignota was in fact such an excruciating and probably seemingly eternal hell for Kristen Hayter. For anyone unaware, a few weeks ago, Hayter released a Google document with a statement detailing her relationship with Alexis Marshall and how he abused her. I had time and didn’t take any breaks. and it took me an hour to read it all. And it was a sickening and hate-inducing read for that entire hour which included (and now is the time to really invoke the content warning) damn near every possible color of lying, manipulation, sexual assault, outright and clear-cut rape, emotional and verbal abuse, financial abuse, and disloyalty by Alexis Marshall in service of his malignant sex addiction not just to Kristen Hayter but also other women in his life and his children. This included but was not limited to (and again, major content warning for the rest of the paragraph) penetrating her while she was sleeping (despite her already telling him this was something her past abuser did and that she did not consent to it, =rape), an instance of extremely violent sex in which he refused to stop and nearly paralyzed Hayter by inducing a hernia of one of her spinal disc (for which she needed emergency surgery), abandoning her before that surgery, repeatedly cheating on her, and callously abusive disregard after driving Hayter to attempt suicide in their basement.

What I just mentioned really is just the tip of that vile iceberg, yet for as heartbreaking as every paragraph of that massive text was, I would be lying if I said Hayter did not make me chuckle just once when she detailed how before her surgery, Alexis had himself a childish little pity party in which Hayter had to hand feed him nutrition bars while he was sitting on their hotel bed (again, before her life-threatening surgery), of which she simply said afterwards, “It was fucking ridiculous.” Again, there is so much that I simply do not have the space or desire to recount fully here that I do think is important for those with the stomach to handle it to be aware of. I think it is important to understand on as empathetic or sympathetic of a level (and not just intellectually) just how horrific abusive relationships manifest, what they can look like, and how what is a painful hour of reading for us is, for survivors, years of unbelievable torment and lasting trauma. “Life is cruel, and time heals nothing.” Far more important is that it is wholly inadequate to just gasp at another’s suffering and move on.

Hayter expressed that her reasoning for coming forward with these details was not just to shed light on truth but also to prevent what happened to her from happening to another woman. Those who followed Daughters more closely and for longer than me have pointed out that Alexis had earned himself a small but sour reputation for his rampant sex addiction beforehand and that it played no small role in the band's long break-up before You Won't Get What You Want. Yet his abuse of others for his sexual satisfaction has not yet earned him a wide or strong enough reputation to hinder his behavior. Hopefully Hayter's coming forward can be enough spotlight to illuminate his behavior to any potential future victims, because the sense I got from my reading of it all was that Alexis is pretty unrepentant about it all (minimizing the hurt he did at best) and has no intention of doing anything seriously about the sex addiction that's consumed his life and others' . It's so frustrating how clear some things are in hindsight, such as is the case here, or with Marilyn Manson, or Mark Kozelek, or Chris Brown where there were so many signs, but they were maybe just harder to see through the fog of the rest of their generally edgy and controversial personas. We can't even get started here about older rock stars like Ted Nugent and Steve Tyler who out in the open sang about and performed predatory behavior in real life, which included involving minors. It's not just the obvious suspects either. Sometimes it's the people who only offer sparse or non-specific signs only visible in hindsight with the context of more knowledge or people who are very good at maintaining a quiet, if not wholesome, public image. People you wouldn't expect. Like that guy from the now-defunct band, False, whose feminism was a significant part of their presentation.

This is not a suggestion of paranoia or baseless suspicion. It's a suggestion of attentiveness, and it's certainly not one that I'm trying to make from any kind of imagined high horse or enlightened moral high ground. I was more blindsided than I maybe should have been for Manson, and maybe Alexis Marshall as well. I saw Mark Kozelek coming though, the guy pretty much can't help himself from broadcasting that he's a miserable misogynistic asshole who's desperate to keep pretend-living his rock-star youth with young, vulnerable female fans.

-

I guess here is the place to put a concise version of my thoughts on problematic artists and such, everyone's favorite topic. You know the problematic artist discourse is complicated, I get it; I don't have a golden bullet answer to it. But somehow in all the discourse I've seen about being responsible and not supporting problematic artists and not enabling shitty behavior, I haven't seen anyone acknowledge the obvious elephant in the room: fans don't want to feel punished for something they didn't do.

As listeners, watchers, readers, viewers, enjoyers of art, we all (should) go into enjoying any piece of art with the understanding that, no matter how authentic they may come off in their music or their public appearance, we never fully know the artist. We can't know with complete certainty who of them might be up to some unsavory shit behind closed doors, even the edgy ones, some of whom genuinely do keep their antics on the stage and in the studio. And often the art we enjoy does indeed stand so far away from the artist that we don't think about the artist at all (think: lo-fi hip hop beats to study/relax to). And then there are some (think: asshole Mark Kozelek and his dumb boomer podcast ramblings that he calls "songs") who really put themselves as a person into their art. A little harder to dissociate that kind of shit.

I agree with minimizing support for artists doing bad shit on the basis of it possibly discouraging such behavior from others and it consequentially pressuring them to change, but that can be surprisingly hard to go absolute zero on. Does it stop at the band? Does it stop at the label? Does it stop at side projects? Does it stop at collaborators who haven't come out and said anything? Just because there's no agreed-upon line does not mean that we should just shrug our shoulders and say "well what can you do?" Ultimately, as an individual, the answer to that is pretty much nothing, but somehow you add up enough individuals and you can start to get some good change if you all know that better things are possible and expectable. Maybe you don't all agree exactly how much more you deserve but you sure as hell know it's more than that shit boss is paying you all. Maybe we don't know exactly where we draw that "problematic artist" line, but we know the behavior Hayter described of Alexis Marshall is far beyond wherever we draw it. Being attentive as a listener, however casual or invested, is not about being a paranoid hyperreactive sentinel around artists and trying to have a power trip on people you have little individual power over, and it's certainly not about policing individual fans into not listening to their Antichrist Superstar CD or whatever. Again, I get that vile behavior makes some artists immediately more repulsive and easy to let go of at the drop of a hat, and it's easier for some to drop band they've listened to forever than others. And then I think of my favorite band, Meshuggah.

I listen to Meshuggah more than anything else probably. And to my knowledge they don't have any accusers or hold any racist beliefs or anything of the like, but they could. And as much as I imagine it would very likely taint my listening to their music if everything I hypothetically proposed was in fact true for them, I have a hard time imagining not listening to them. How I listen to music has been so irreversibly shaped by Meshuggah, I tap the iconic rhythm of "Bleed" with my fingers on every surface around me without even thinking about it, and I hear Meshuggah in the thousands of bands they've influenced. I snuck Meshuggah into my wedding playlist. It's honestly hard to think about what my music-loving life would look like without Meshuggah, and in some ways it feels impossible, and for me (and probably most Meshuggah fans) it has never been about Jens or Fredrick or Martin or Tomas or Dick. And it doesn't seem like it's ever been about them to themselves either. So I get it for fans who feel torn between their love for the music and their feeling betrayed or that it's been tainted by the very artist that made it.

"But one thing I've learned is everything burns."

Hayter herself said that her coming forward was not about cancelling Daughters or telling people that they couldn't listen to Daughters. She came forward to help survivors and to protect other women from having to either also be survivors or not be so fortunate. I'm sure this still does ruin Daughters for a lot of people, possibly myself included. There is no "neutral" position in any of this, however much we might sometimes wish our love for music could be a little oasis to escape to from the shit of this world, that music is not detached from this world and everything we do with that music has some kind of impact on the world and that is power. Wow, we have power. [insert Spiderman uncle Ben quote]. Even if it's just a little bit, there's no such thing as just being a listener, we are all participants in music culture, whatever sub-culture feeds into it, and the broader cultures at large that music culture feeds into. None of it is on an island or in a vacuum, and that is well worth being mindful about.

-

At the end of the day, being attentive and being a responsible participant in music as a fan or maybe even as a worker or artist means applying what power you have to produce the most positive impact you can (original and not cliché at all, I know). But really, where we have the most impact is with the people we know and can directly affect: friends, family, relatives, even asshole coworkers or people in our lives we kinda don't like. It certainly doesn't have to be just one or the other (artists or people we know), but if there's one thing everything around Sinner Get Ready has emphasized to me, it is to support survivors and to stop abusers, by being educated on and alert to the ways they manipulate people and knowing when and how to use the power at your disposal to protect people. This isn't scan the room constantly to make sure no jocks are dropping roofies in drinks at the party ocular pat-down vigilante bullshit (although, yes, do be smart in vulnerable situations and such). This means saying something that's confrontational or that's not easy to say to a best friend who's constantly belittling his girlfriend, or to a close family member who might be in denial about the abuse they're facing from another family member, or even just making it awkward for some rando dude at a party who's making the girl whose boundaries he's pushing clearly uneasy and making it easier for her to get away from it. Maybe you look like a dweeb for a minute, maybe that was enough to prevent a rape from happening even if no one ever thanks you for it. Maybe it's straight-up calling police. Sometimes (perhaps often) it seems like it's in vain, but your individual actions can be a seed or a catalyst for better outcomes. And sometimes better outcomes just don't happen despite you doing everything right. Pop music fans in adjacent circles and far-away circles have been rightfully standing up to Chris Brown for over a decade and he has responded repeatedly by saying, "fuck you, I'm gonna keep being a piece of shit to women." And he somehow manages to find fans and collaborators willing to support his career and look the other way on his behavior. Some games you're the better team and you still lose, shit's weird like that sometimes. By all means, continue to put pressure on artists directly, producers, collaborators, labels, and, yes, even fan bases that continue to enable shit like Chris Brown. Yours may just be a drop in the bucket that just has to keep getting fuller and heavier before it snaps.

The common (and probably also intentional) misconception about rape culture is that it's people saying "yes, that's rape, and that's okay." or "rapists know they're raping and they do it anyway; they're just terrible people.” In reality, what rape culture says is: "I know him, he wouldn't do that", or "that doesn't constitute abuse", or "she's just trying to ruin his career or get attention", or "why isn't there any evidence for this accusation from this highly private moment from which it would be incredibly hard to procure adequate evidence for legal action in an unpredicted and adrenaline-filled situation during which the objective in the moment for any survivor would clearly be to survive it?" (maybe that one was a bit tongue-in-cheek), or all the victim-blaming classics we've all heard like Christmas songs once black Friday starts every time a survivor brings their story public. With Alexis Marshall, the excuse was always, "how dare you compare me to your past abuser, I have never hit you." Up close it rarely looks the the same way it does when it becomes visible from a distance, and it's rarely cookie-cutter bad-guy shit or quote-straight-from-the-textbook shit, but it's worth being aware of as much of what points in that direction as possible.

Hell, if all you got from this was to point the finger outward, fucking think again. We've all internalized a lot of this shit as natural to our world or even just normal as parts of relationships, as so many of these stories point out, the people doing the abuse usually don't think what they're doing is wrong or what they've been doing is abusive. And goddamnit, as a stereotypical guy from a rom-com I've always got that simplistic knee-jerk urge to try to fix shit, but the hell if some blog post is gonna make a dent in rape culture. Maybe one person sees this and takes it to heart, worth the hours it took writing this. But it's not just about fixing and preventing abuse, survivors need support too, and sometimes time really does heal nothing. Some traumas do leave scars that never fully heal, and sometimes things don't get better. And that might be the hardest part of it all. But survivors need support regardless because no one deserves to have to be one and carry on alone.

"Me and the dog we die together"

[nctrsn20]

THE ELINOVAS' ANGELS

ELINOVAS' ANGELS [inspired by VICTORIA SECRET ANGELS] are a group of girls who are known for empowering women and they are the girls of NCTs'.

Originally, it was a brand group for supermodels but the daughter of the founders' company bought the name for various brandings.

Introducing 1/3 of ELINOVAS' ANGELS who are 127's SOULMATES. These girls are known for their business works and most of them are supermodels which caught the eyes of everyone.

BIRTH NAME ― Aurora Kristen Williams

NICKNAME ― 1st Daughter of the Williams, Rose Lover, Jewelry Goddess

STAGE NAME ― Kristen

OCCUPATION ― Jewelry Maker/Designer

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ― Lim Jaebeom [Got7] (Middle), Elvira Jamie-Lyn Williams (Youngest)

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― KOREA

the love of Taeil's life

she is similar to Taeil in terms of personality wise but once threatened or gets mad, yall better run for it

carefree and has a lot of love even though she is the oldest

has a biological sister name Elvira

and has a step-brother who is well-known (Got7's Jaebeom)

adores her little sister and her step-brother (and they would always look at the oldest with a side glare when she hugs them with headlocks ajajajaja)

along with her sister, they were orphans and the Lims' took them in

they were quickly adjust to the family which includes that their step-parents' aren't just regular people - in fact they are a family of mafia (definitely suspect that they aren't just a normal family since they were always in and out of the house and nannies would take care of them and there weird thing about little Jaebeom is that he is very protective of his adopted sisters)

that's when she gets to learn that her original family was being murdered right after they were born and now people are after them when they were just kids

thankful for the Lims' and till now, she is still in contact and business with them, especially Jaebeom (they are considered family to her even when she has ben legally released from her caretakers which was Jaebeom's parents)

once being threatened by a group of syndicate by trying to set up a hit and run murder for the Lims' and homegirl got mad and didn't hesitate to attack (in result of her getting beat up too and Taeil was shook and disappointed)

she sticks with the word 'family', basically a family type of wife

owns a jewelry shop which NCT members would go to her to make customize rings and bracelets

is close to everyone but is more connected to Johnny's wife

BIRTH NAME ― Katerina Leah Johnson

NICKNAME ― The Ex Model, Johnny's Angel

STAGE NAME ― Leah Johnson

OCCUPATION ― (Main) Fashion Designer

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― ITALY ⤍ KOREA

1/7 of the original supermodels of ELINOVAS ANGELS

an ex-model

used to be elated with her life until she got into an abusive relationship with her ex

was known for being a genuine-all smile individual but her ex made her to become someone that even her own family isn't familiar off

her previous has a reputation (she hasn't met Johnny yet by then and oh sis, you don't know how big Johnny's name is) and she didn't know that he would let out his work frustration to her physically

her parents' were concern for her life and that is the result of the arranged marriage between the Suhs' and the Johnsons' (Johnny's parents were aware of this so as Kat and her parents - Johnny is the only one who doesn't know the true reason of the arrange marriage until one day he kind of figured it out himself)

marrying Johnny was difficult for her at first, not wanting to trust another male species but she could see him making efforts and promises - and he really did stick to his words

fast forward to a few months living together and basically spending time with each other, she finally opened up and it seems her heart opened up too

what she loves about Johnny is, he isn't judgmental and she could justify that by his reaction after seeing the marks on her body that was created by her ex (at first she couldn't read his expression but he looks sad (?) and mad at the same time - he confessed that he was mad at her ex for hurting her)

he is supportive of her too - she is insecure of her body.

she loves the runways and she told him that she would always cancel her runways with Yelena because of her sudden anxiety and insecurity. she was grateful that the creator of Elinovas Angels is understanding (Johnny slowly guided her and encourage her to continue being in the runway - promising her that he would always be there during rehearsals and the actual show if she really is doing it and homeboy REALLY CAME)

there are more moments that made her fall for him. Johnny really proved to her that not all men are monsters and she still thinks they are but Johnny and the NCT members are an exception despite they are in the mafia

AND CURRENTLY, she is pregnant and moving to the 2nd trimester but the twist is Johnny doesn't know yet

BIRTH NAME ― Yelena Olivia Elinova

NICKNAME ― Ms CEO, Mrs Lee, Taeyong's Princess

STAGE NAME ― Yelena Elinova

OCCUPATION ― (Main) Model, Art Director of ELINOVAS Co. & Creator of ELINOVAS ANGELS

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ― Alyona Alice Elinova (Middle), Aurelia Rose Elinova (Youngest), Leah Antonella Ivanova (Cousin)

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― FRANCE ⤍ KOREA

2/7 of the original supermodels of ELINOVAS ANGELS

ELINOVAS' (surname of the Elinovas sisters) ANGELS are originally a selected group of girls who modelled for ELINOVAS Co. but she bought the name and decided to make Elinovas Angels as a permanent group that consist of NCTs' partners at the same time for business purposes

is half-Russian as well as her sisters

hardworking and empathetic

also a calm and chill individual which kind of balance out with Taeyong's personality

can be clumsy at times

an art director at the same time a supermodel

basically the one who makes their surname and family company become big

also known to be dating the boss and leader of NCT, Mr Lee Taeyong

both of them went through thick and thin (basically the power couple that everyone looks up to)

the one who would back-up the members if they need to take a last-minute leave day (and Taeyong would never fail to just let them go if his girlfriend asked plead him)

everyone could see Taeyong became softer as years passed and it was thanks to her tbh

she likes to sit with Taeyong and just talk things out even when he is feeling mad or pissed (and ofc it will lead to him getting furious and said words that he didn't mean but he would come back running to her to apologize)

honestly very patient when dealing with all this mafia stuff (even when she was held captive and that made Taeyong more troubled)

and when it comes to her own brand and works, she likes to collaborate with some of the girls since some of them has their own company or family company (she loves to work together and the fact people describe her as someone who has a heart of gold since she likes to help others who has financial difficulties)

owns a mansion that is just for the Elinovas Angels to hangout in which is located at the same street of NCTs' residence, and some of the girls lives together (basically NCTs' residence is like a private property and they have a huge ass security in order to get in - and we are just talking about entering the street of NCTs' private property. one has to passed about 2 security checks, that would be the their paid guard and Chenle&Jisung's security checks)

BIRTH NAME ― Venera Elein Gracia

NICKNAME ― The Attractive One, Yuta's Crush

STAGE NAME ― Venera Gracia

OCCUPATION ― (Main) Model, Face of Gracia Company

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ―

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― FRANCE ⤍ KOREA

3/7 of the original supermodels of ELINOVAS ANGELS

an awkward yet lovely individual

started off as working for Elinovas Co. but as years passed, her family created their own brand and she became the face of the company (but she still supports and still part of Elinovas Angels)

known for modelling the sexiest lingerie

isn't comfortable with strangers although she always attend parties in clubs with the other Elinovas Angels

then Yuta came into the picture. honestly she was quite surprised on how determined this guy is, she knows that he is associated with NCT since she would always see his face in the usual club she goes to

and sometimes without thinking much, her feet would always bring back to the club on the days when she has too much to think off

once again there is Yuta, but this time he is alone and so as she (at first she thought he was just waiting for someone or maybe a girl), turns out he was actually waiting for her

that was the start of their friendship and he would never fail to ask about her schedules and he would self-invite himself to her events - until one day, she personally asked him to come for a party but this time, she wanted him to be his partner

she actually developed a crush after how Yuta presented himself in the party - him wearing a suit, him basically sticking with her and his hands literally wrapped around her waist (he was very protective of her after seeing a few stares TOWARDS HER instead of him)

despite getting a lot of confessions from other mafia men, she actually had eyes on Yuta and she couldn't read Yuta base on his expression if he likes her too since he always had this stoic expression around others (but she didn't realize that Yuta is actually all shy and fidgety when she is around)

BIRTH NAME ― Adriana Marie Taylor

NICKNAME ― Mrs Unavailable, Ms Party Pooper

STAGE NAME ― Adriana

OCCUPATION ― (Main) CEO of TAYLORS’ FASHION, Model

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ― Allison Jamie Taylor (Youngest)

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― NEW YORK ⤍ KOREA

used to be an original supermodels of ELINOVAS ANGELS but stepped down after being the next CEO of her parents' company

but she would still make appearances in ELINOVAS Co. runways (once in a blue moon though, our homegirl is busy as hell)

very focus, doesn't entertain bullshits kind of individual

slightly boring too and also a workaholic

even her younger sister admits that her older sister is boring to Doyoung

'the mum' type

is the only member who would missed big events because of her work and the girls would call her Mrs Unavailable due to having a complicated schedule (pack and busy for the cash, my loves)

but ever since she is in a relationship with Mr Kim Doyoung, she is still busy but she would attend some events and we all should thank Doyoung (he is the one who would make her schedules slightly unpacked and stuffy)

everyone isn't surprise tbh since they were always working together, with him appearing randomly in her office or her appearing in Taeyong's company building to see Doyoung for work purposes

but things change now as they are a couple, she would visit Doyoung with either packed lunches or a tote bag with clothes since he would sometimes had to stay up in the building when she has an off-day

is very business-friendly too and she is actually work/business-partners with a member of Got7, Jinyoung, although they have been friends for almost 4 years

Doyoung doesn't realize this because of his jealousy but she is emotionally grounded, knows what she wants and is very straightforward especially to Jinyoung since the man has confessed to her the same day when she and Doyoung made their relationship official

BIRTH NAME ― Aurelia Rose Elinova

NICKNAME ― Ms Fast & Furious, Jaehyun's Valentine

STAGE NAME ― Aurelia Elinova

OCCUPATION ― (Main) Model, Street Racer

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ― Yelena Olivia Elinova (Oldest), Alyona Alice Elinova (Middle), Leah Antonella Ivanova (Cousin)

IMPORTANT FRIEND ― Cha Eunwoo (ASTRO)

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― FRANCE ⤍ KOREA

4/7 of the original supermodels of ELINOVAS ANGELS

the youngest out of the Elinovas sisters

if the oldest is the angel, the middle is the bad-ass one and her cousin is a tsundere, she is the charming one

is also loved by many people (yes everyone, she receive love letters and numbers from men and women)

but she focus more to her family and her cherished ones

a member of an underground street racer that is being held by Cha Eunwoo's group (ASTRO)

the star of every race and she never lose (according to Eunwoo)

used to attend the races everyday but ever since she is in a relationship with Jaehyun, she instantly cuts it down (apparently, Jaehyun doesn't like it that she always races even if Eunwoo was there to watch)

another couple that was adored by everyone and they are voted to be the sexy couple

the one who changed Jaehyun's perspective of love by showing how caring, attentive and protective she is towards the people she loves which is him and her surroundings

one thing Jaehyun loves about her is that she is the first one to initiate skinship when they went official

but as years passed and as Jaehyun became more expressive, she gets to see different sides of Jaehyun - mostly his jealousy and possessiveness when she models or when she is in a club with the others due to work, events or parties

despite him being kind of protective and extreme possessive, she kind of reassures him (even in the end of the day they would argue and all sorts but they came back to each other's' arms)

because both of them had known each other since high-school, been through and sees each others' ups and downs and she is able to tolerate his rollercoaster of emotions, being engaged to him was the day that she is ready to spend the rest of her life with him

BIRTH NAME ― Lauren Alia Thompson

NICKNAME ― Ms Blabber, Ms Spokesperson

STAGE NAME ― Lia Thompson

OCCUPATION ― Brand Ambassador

IMPORTANT RELATIVE(S)/SIBLING(S) ― Elionora Elaina Thompson (Middle), Irina Lovey Thompson (Youngest)

CURRENT LOCATION & DESTINATION ― LAS VEGAS ⤍ KOREA

another member that used to be an original supermodels of ELINOVAS ANGELS but stepped down after getting the news that her best friend was horribly murdered

used to be an introvert but thanks to her best friend who had left this world, she slowly became an extrovert and that's how she met Jungwoo

but at the back of her mind, she is lowkey terrified, kind of traumatized of the tragedy despite her bubbly and outgoing personality

is protective of her two sisters

an independent individual because she is now a caretaker for both of her sisters (was raised by caretakers and released them when they are legal at age, received information from Taeyong's girl that she got from Taeyong, that the Thompson sisters were being left by their parents due to drinking issues and gambling)

despite having a sad family history, she took matters in her own hands by raising her two sisters and joining Elinovas Co. as soon as she turns 18

years passed and she manage to buy an apartment that is for her sisters as they live together (currently they are living in and out of the apartment as they had sleepovers with their partners)

kind of grateful for having Jungwoo in her life, he somehow became her best friend and they would always visit their original best friend (she didn't think Jungwoo is a replacement, more like an guardian angel that her best friend sent to her)

because one day, she was being hunted by a group of men and she wished she didn't' know the truth but it was her own parents that were hunting her and her 2 sisters down (they had to follow Taeyong's orders in order for them to be safe which was Jungwoo accompanying her to have a mini-vacation as a coverup)

that was a situation where she started to see Jungwoo in a different light as he acted perfectly as her boyfriend

since that day, she actually fell for him and finds Jungwoo cute despite being in one of biggest mafia group that is known for being ruthless

[ MASTERLIST ]

[ N-127 MOODBOARDS ]

[ N-WAYV MOODBOARDS ] - [ N-WAYV's SOULMATES ]

[ N-DREAM MOODBOARDS ] - [ N-DREAM'S SOULMATES ]

[billiewena]

for the 100k fic celebration, here a portion of the “what if 10x05 had a sastiel agenda?” AKA lil shit sam/jealous dean destiel fic I first shared a while back! been having a lot of fun basically rewriting and expanding on the entire musical episode with new songs (and lots of cute kristen & siobhan moments because OF COURSE they’re still a couple.) it was really encouraging to see the positive response to it back then and it's been taking forever because of work/other writing but I’m so excited to have this one be the first full-length fics I ever post.

It starts with costumed teenagers locked in a tight embrace with absolutely no room for Jesus.

“What are they doing?”

Marie glances over her shoulder for only a brief second.

“Kids these days call it hugging,” she says slowly. Geez, it would’ve been less insulting for her to just outright say Wow, you’re old.

Except it’s not just any of the show’s stars hugging over there. One of them is the “Dean” who’d been mid-rehearsal when they arrived and looked more like Bieber than him with the blonde wig. And the other? Well, he would recognize that Columbo coat anywhere.

“Is that in the show?” he asks, pointing their way.

Marie quickly shakes her head at the accusation. “Oh, no. Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in a real life.”

He nods and lower his hand. Got it. That’s all it was. Everything’s fine. Nothing to worry about—

“No, my play explores the nature of Sastiel.”

“The — wait, what?” he says, confused at once.

“Sastiel?” Marie pauses, giving him a second to figure it out. He doesn’t. “You know, the relationship between Sam and Castiel?”

Dean blinks.

“Sam and…C-Cas?”

“I know, I know. Edlund’s series never finished. I’m lucky I got these drafts. Ugh, it’s Midnight Sun all over again. But the love story is all in the subtext,” she says with confidence. “Can you believe there are people who still think Destiel is endgame? After everything that happened after the angels fell? After Gadreel? Please.”

He silently sounds out the word. Des-tiel? Wait…

“Ever since Cas came back from the dead and took on Sam’s pain, I knew. I just knew. Every one of their arcs had been parallel to each other’s from their fall from grace to the trials. And now with Dean gone, all they have…is each other.”

Marie sighs. “Besides, you can’t spell subtext without S-E-X.”

He coughs and nearly chokes on an asteroid-sized lump in his throat.

“I…uh. Yeah, th-that’s not…you know, I think I’ve seen enough,” Dean says with a forced smile. “Thank you for your, ah, time. I’ll, uh, we’ll follow up if we have questions about the missing persons case. I—alright.”

And with that he purses his lips, turns on his heel and walks away — nearly tripping over one of the stage chords as he does. Why are there are so many of them anyways? This is just some all-girls school production, not the goddamn West End.

He finds Sam in his natural nerd habitat (the tech booth) sifting through all the bins of A/V supplies.

“Yeah, not to interrupt the blast from the past here but it’s time for us to go,” he says, patting the door.

His brother shoots him an annoyed look but packs up and follows him out all the same. Not that Dean bothers to wait for him; no, he makes a beeline for the car as soon as he leaves the booth.

“Hey, what’s with the rush?” Sam calls after him as he runs to catch up with him at the school entrance.

“No rush,” he says shortly. “Just wanted to see what you found out before you got too lost in the nerd sauce over there.”

He doesn’t need to look back to know he’s on the receiving end of a Classic Sam Bitchface right now and continues to stomp his way through the parking lot.

“Well, no EMF, no hex bags. None of their props are remotely hinky. Talked to Maeve and all those extras in the auditorium.” Sam finally catches up and walks side-by-side with him now. “You have any more luck?”

“Nah. Ms. Chandler's office is just a pile of empty bottles and regret. She's probably just face down in a bar somewhere. Or a ditch. I did get to hear all about the director’s, ah, creative vision though,” Dean says, teeth gritted. “Apparently we go into space, I become a woman, and there’s even ninjas and robots!”

“Robots. Huh. Well, that’d definitely be a new one.”

“There’s no robots in Supernatural—”

“I-I know that,” Sam says in exasperation. “I just mean it’s, y’know, innovative. And Dean we’ve fought weirder. Remember the teddy bear? The fairies? The ballet shoes?”

“Well, you just wait until you hear about what she in store for you, Lover Boy,” he says.

And that makes Sam do an instant double-take.

“Uh, Lover Boy?”

“Yeah, your number one fan back there —” he says, gesturing back towards the school, “— was telling me all about the play’s, uh, love story between you and Cas. You got something you’ve been meaning to tell me or what?”

“The love story? Wait, what do you mean me and Cas?”

Dean scoffs, already in utter disbelief of the words he was about to say. “Like you and Cas, together. Together together? Romance of the ages the way she made it sound. Apparently it’s all in her play!”

To his surprise though, Sam just… laughs. “Well, I mean hey, that’s an improvement from the ones who wrote about me and you.”

“You got that right,” he agrees with a shudder. Meeting one Becky the Stalker was bad enough. Knowing she wasn’t alone and that she had an audience made it even worse. “She even had a portmanteau for you, dude. Like you’re some celebrities in a grocery store tabloid. Sass-tiel.”

“Sass-tiel?” He seems to seriously consider it but shrugs. “I don’t know. What about… Samstiel? CasSam? Cam? Mmm, maybe not that…”

Dean groans. “Really? That’s your issue with this?”

“Of course it’s not my issue,” Sam says. He stays pensive for a few more seconds until chuckling again to himself this time, as if he’s the only one in on a private joke. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Cas is great but…”

“Not your type?”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam says. No, it’s definitely more than that and he’s doing a piss-poor job of hiding his amused expression.

Dean turns and stares him down. “What?”

“I dunno,” he says, his smirk fully visible now. “I just think it’s funny they’re pairing me up with Cas when the one with the ‘profound bond’ with him is right there.”

“Oh, haha. You’re hilarious,” Dean retorts at once.

“Hey man, I’m not the one who stayed in Purgatory for a year to find him.”

His glare takes on a murderous edge.

“Okay. You know what? You’re going to do that thing where you just shut the hell up! Forever!”

Sam holds up his hands in either what’s either a show of innocence or surrender.

“Alright, alright. Well, other than the Charlie Kaufman of it all I got nothing.”

“So…what?” Dean says. “This-this all... This whole musical thing, everything, it's... it's all a coincidence? There is no case?”

“Unless you're seeing something I'm not, no, Dean. There's no case here,” he says sincerely this time.

“Come on. This has classic Trickster vibes all over it.” He almost wants to turn around and start yelling, Come on out Gabriel you bastard!

“Trickster’s dead, man. And he wasn’t just a trickster, he was an archangel. And they’re all gone too.”

“Could be a lower-rank angel?” Dean tries. “I mean, Zachariah pulled off an entire apocalypse world. And that place where we were both corporate drones. Before you know it, this’ll get all Buffy and it’ll be me and you singin’ and dancin’—“

“Dean…I think it’s just fans. Look, as long as they’re not putting another love spell on one of us I couldn’t really care less what they’re doing,” Sam says with some bitterness, clearly not looking back at that particular memory with any fondness. “Just writing some songs? I mean, it’s innocent enough.”

“Oh yeah, so innocent,” he scoffs. “They’re singing about our dead parents, your demon blood bender, the apocalypse, all of it! This is just…it’s make-believe for them! But it’s our lives!”

Sam runs a tired hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t get it either man. I wasn’t exactly thinking about the books’ entertainment value while Chuck was describing my sex life in vivid detail—“

“Don’t remind me,” he says, holding up a hand in disgust.  

“—but I dunno. There’s obviously something about it they connected to, right? Something they related to, something that moved them, inspired them? And I guess…I mean, what’s wrong with that?”

There is so, so much wrong with that.

“I don’t know what story they’re reading and what Sam and Dean they’re ‘connecting’ to here. But it sure as hell ain’t us. I mean…they even made me blonde, dude.”

“It’s a high school play, what can you expect?” Sam laughs. “It was probably the closest wig they could find at Party City.”

Dean ignores him, muttering aloud as he makes his way to the driver’s seat.

“The hair…the singing…the robots… the love story…”

“You really were bothered by that, weren’t you?” Sam gives his brother a curious look.

“SUPERNATURAL ISN’T A ROMANCE!” Dean snaps. “Look, these girls obviously don’t know what they’re talking about—“

“I dunno, Dean,” Sam said in a clearly taunting voice now. “Maybe you’re just jealous of what me and Cas have.”

He flushes. “W-what? I-I’m not—“

“We could give you two a name too, y’know? So you don’t feel left out? What about…Dee-stiel? CasDean?”

And he refuses to entertain this conversation any longer.

“Shut your face! Get in the car!”

Thankfully Sam notices the shift in tone and obliges at once.

Dean, meanwhile, takes a moment outside the car to glance around — almost as if checking to see if anyone overheard that comment. Not that it mattered. Who could overhear? No one even knew they were THE Sam and THE Dean. Who cared? He certainly didn’t care. He didn’t care at all...

(to be continued)