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#THAT RAMBLE *WILL* HAPPEN EVENTUALLY THOUGHT i like talking about myself. I like. *talking.*
euclydya · 1 year
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sorry for the aro & aplat positivity spam sudden ly I thought about my identity too hard for a second and then got really giddy and happy . it might happen again 👍
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sparxemberflame · 2 months
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Man.
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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it's 4 am i'll sleep now c:
#🌙.rambles#my blog's been so sad lately i rlly wna fix that#i decided to just make myself start writing n even if i'm just rambling then that's ok!#2024 words in an hour bcs i got distracted in between writing#technically i don't even have to submit the letter within the due date bcs i can just answer our teacher's question n mark task as done#bcs we're submitting our letter through this website so only us cld see the letter. bcs it'll be sent to our email#i've mostly just wrote about one specific aspect of my life so far.#probably ended up writing so much about it bcs it's the one part of my life that i'll probably never talk about#never to any of my friends or even family n even here on tumblr honestly. really just to myself#after that i wna write abt some stuff relating to ppl n then a lot relating ot me#there's a lot that i want to write to my future self but#for lack of time and structure i think i'll just try my best to write w the idea of#writing to me 6 months in the future#i wrote abt some feelings n thoughts i've had about how the future is so uncertain yk#rn i wonder so much about what's in the future n all n every moment i'm closer to it. far closer than i'll ever really be able to realize#like 11/11 is this friday? gna make the ffxiv fc w some friends then#& school fair n prom next year i think seems so unreal to me now but eventually it will be smth that'll happen#meeting new ppl. never see that coming#spending more time w the ppl i know now too. playing ffxiv w my friends. their own games too#learning n doing so much more in this world n#for example when i was in middle school it never seemed like high school wld come right?#just this summer the idea of starting senior high school also seemed so daunting but look at where i am now#n my birthday. made it past that. other events this year too like going to that con w dear friends & going back to school onsite#thinking abt it all w time n all really is so daunting n overwhelming n scary but i'll really just try to do my best#if i be kind to myself then i think i can be happy enough.#if i can prove that i can be kind to myself then surely. surely it's possible for the world too right?#i'm afraid n anxious but i really want to do so much better. i made a promise. &#there's so much left unsaid n undone w so much aspects in my life. i will do my best. for them n myself.
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devilfic · 10 months
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❝late-bloomer❞
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plot: you've never been kissed before. on a completely unrelated note, what if your best friend offered to be your first? pairing: tasm!peter parker x gn!reader. cw: post-tasm 2, gwen stacy mention, angst, self-deprecating thoughts about being undesirable and insecurity in love, best friends to wouldn't you like to know, eventual fluff, attempts at andrew garfield accurate rambling, he definitely talks you through it I mean who said that. words: 4.3k.
a/n: entirely self-indulgent because I wrote this after crying over being a late-bloomer for an hour ahahaha
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Peter is reading something for research when you suck in a breath and finally ask, "What was your first kiss like?"
You hear his voice die in his throat. The small whispering of test results and calculations fall short, but you don't dare to look back. You're hunched forward so he won't see the way your eyes burn and brim with tears unshed because if he did, he'd ask about it and then you'd really start crying. Instead, you busy yourself with your phone, idly scrolling as if your question was pure curiosity alone.
You watch his ankles uncross, hear him sit up and then lean against the headboard again, fumbling for your train of thought, "Uh... sticky, 'cause I was six," Peter laughs, "You should know. You're the one who kissed me."
No matter how many times he tells you this, you can't remember the day you'd been so bold as to plant one right on Peter Parker's lips. You felt like you'd remember that, but you'd been such an impulsive child back them. Bolder. Thicker-skinned.
But Peter remembers, and so does Aunt May who swears up and down that she'd caught it on camera ("If only I could find that damned photo album"). You're the only one who doesn't. It's like it never happened, "No, God... no. I mean like your first real kiss."
"Like with tongue?" You hear the humor in his voice and even your sullen mood doesn't stop you from smacking his knee. "I dunno what you're talking about. That kiss was real to me."
"I'm serious, Pete."
He hums. You're so, so tempted to look back and see what he's thinking, but it would give you away too easily. "It was... it was a kiss. I mean, Gwen- you know. You know. I was crazy about her. I didn't think I just... kissed her."
"How did it feel? Do you know?"
"I felt like I needed to do it. I felt like if I didn't, I'd throw up. Not actually, just... like I'd explode with all the feelings I had for her."
Your finger hovers over a tweet. In your wondering about that feeling of almost nearly exploding, you try to picture that rooftop kiss that Peter had relayed to you between classes, with hushed whispers and childish laughter. It was windy, and I was breathless, he'd said, and I wanted to lay myself bare. And I just... pulled her in. Shot a web and swept her up and kissed her. I think I've lost my mind. You remembered pressing your back against the school lockers to cool yourself as you imagined the scene, the steps it took for you to settle the uneasy churn in the pit of your chest. The euphoria and panic upon realizing that your Peter was growing up.
You felt overwhelmed just imagining it. You barely hear Peter ask why you want to know. "No reason. Was just curious."
You think that Peter accepts that as good enough reason because the room is silent again. You keep scrolling, keep taking subtle deep breaths to keep the tears at bay. You see a picture of a couple on your timeline and scroll faster.
A few minutes of peace pass before Peter broaches the subject again, "What about you?"
"Hm?"
"I don't think you've ever told me about your first kiss."
Your shoulders tense. No good effort hides the strain in your voice, "I haven't?"
A beat passes. You glance over your shoulder and see Peter staring right at you, his lips upturned in a small, resting smile, but his eyes are inquiring. He's trying to read you. Perhaps he's just noticed the heavy cloud hanging overhead. "Nope." He pops the "P". He's waiting.
You could lie. You could say it was Flash Thompson who stole it, mention that field trip to the zoo in middle school when he'd sneaked next to you at the peacock exhibit and pestered you about you and Peter. Peter wouldn't question Flash about it. Even if they'd made amends, any conversation about him would send him over the edge with memories of his childhood bully and how much he pitied you for having your first kiss with him. And all of you were far too old now; Flash Thompson had gone to another state to play football the minute he got his diploma. It'd be so inconsequential, such an easy lie.
But the longer it takes you to deliberate on it, the worse it makes you look. You should've offered up an answer easily, jovially, unbothered. It should be inconsequential. Anything more and Peter would call your bluff because he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes.
At some point, you feel the brush of a lone finger at the base of your spine and it startles you. Peter's slipped his finger under your shirt, stroking along the middle of your back, "I won't laugh. If that's what you're thinking." He says softly.
Of course Peter wouldn't laugh at you. As much as your relationship was teasing, he knew where you were tender.
But it wasn't laughing you worried about.
"I know." You say, in lieu of a real answer. You fear you've given yourself away.
Now there are two fingers stroking your skin, "You don't... you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," but you can hear the discomfort in his voice when he says it, like the thought that it's something you don't want to tell him concerns him, "it's up to you."
Just lie. Your breath shudders and immediately you regret it. There's no way he hadn't heard that.
Before you can recover, you're feeling the heat of his entire hand on your back now as it slips further up, as he sits up in bed beside you and rests his chin on your shoulder. The closeness of his breath makes you feel claustrophobic all of a sudden, "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. Did I push? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
You struggle to shake your head, but now your eyes are burning again and you don't think you can stop the tears this time, "You didn't." You insist.
"You're crying, bub," he laughs (not mockingly, never mockingly, never when you cry) and reaches a thumb up to brush away the first warm tear, "what's wrong?"
There's a million things you could say. I've never been kissed before, I don't know what it feels like to be longed for like that, I want to be longed for like that, why haven't I been longed for like that? But it all feels so heavy. Peter picks his chin up to kiss your shoulder and that really does it, "It never happened."
Peter's lips still against your skin. Their warmth slowly peels away, though you feel his breath ghost over the curve of your bone, "What hasn't?"
"A kiss. A first kiss, Peter. I've never had one."
"That's..." Peter sounds almost shocked, disbelieving. He never picks up that thought.
You turn your head away and toss your phone onto the bed, no longer interested in pretending you could distract yourself with anything else. You try to shrug your shoulder out from underneath Peter's mouth but he's quick, the hand at your back locking around you and you can't escape him even though you want to, even though you need to get away from his sweet smile and lovely heartbeat that thuds a little faster against your side.
It was already so much to tell him you hadn't had your first kiss yet, to admit to your best friend who—despite popular Midtown High opinion—has always been so irresistible to lovers, that you haven't gone as far as something so... simple. Something teenagers running your old stomping grounds have probably experienced ten times over by now. You don't think you can handle his pity too, "Peter, please."
"There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. Everyone moves at their own pace."
You hiss through your teeth. You don't mean to, but the spite overwhelms you like red hot heat for a minute, "It's easy to say that when you've done it already."
You catch Peter's eye and immediately regret it. His untamed brows are drawn together, expression more analyzing than pitying. Even though you're brimming with feelings, he seems as if he's trying to wade through them, search for the gnarled root at the center of it all.
Then, and he says this so carefully that the meaning takes a moment to catch up with you, "There's nothing wrong with you."
It's the sincerity that does it. You shove his hand off of you, jerk away from him in a scramble to stand, but Peter is fast and lithe and he's always been two steps ahead of you even before the bite. He's up on his feet before even you are, coming to stand in your way when you go to grab for your bag, "Peter, move."
"Look, can we... can we talk about this?"
"I really don't want to. Move."
"Why are you shutting me out?"
"Because I want to go home. Move."
"Is it because of what I said?"
"Yes!" You blurt, growing frustrated the longer he blocks your path, "yes. Because I'm sick of being told there's nothing wrong with me when clearly..." Your voice tapers off, afraid to give him the reason he needs to worry about you, "Please. I'm just tired. It'll go away on its own, it always does, I just can't be here right now."
The standoff between you two lingers, feels like you might have to fight him just to escape. It takes everything in you just to keep eye contact with him and not burst into tears.
Peter clearly doesn't want to let you go. You can see that genius brain of his running every possible scenario in his mind in which he convinces you to stay, cry it out, leave happier than you came. None of them come soon enough. You brush past him when he realizes he's got nothing, and even the hand that grabs for you is halfhearted, shrugged off with little force.
"I'll see you later, Pete."
You let his front door shut on its own.
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It hasn't been great.
What typically took a few hours to shake off had settled over you like a dark cloud ever since you'd stormed out of Peter's place. Even though you texted him like everything was fine (and dodged any phone calls so he wouldn't hear the truth with those freakishly good best friend senses of his), you had yet to see him again. Had yet to let yourself be seen.
You told yourself that it was just you missing Peter, and you believed that to be true, but you also believed that when he looked you in the eye and told you "there's nothing wrong with you", you hadn't been prepared for the nakedness of it all. He'd dug deep, right to the source. That kind of thing was hard to move past.
So you avoided him. If he came by your place, you pretended you weren't home. If he showed up at your work to take you to coffee, you lied and told him you had plans with a coworker. It had been several days now and you felt more and more cowardly by the minute.
It was Peter. Of all people, it was Peter. Your best friend. You could tell him anything (most things, some kept a little closer to the heart). You should be able to.
And it was silly. Being embarrassed about not kissing anyone. Plenty of people were in the same boat as you and they didn't ice their best friend out about it.
Ugh, now you were just making yourself feel worse.
You'd had enough. You'd end this pity party today. As you make your way through your apartment door, you promise yourself that after you've showered, after you've made yourself a filling dinner, after you've settled into bed, you'd call Peter and ask him to meet for pizza this weekend. You'd talk like civil adults who understand that life isn't a race. You'd share your couch, laugh about the whole thing, and maybe, just maybe, the hollowness in your chest that longed for someone's desire to fill it would finally-
He's sitting in your kitchen.
Legs dangling off the island, mask rolled up to his nose, and a spoon clattering out of his mouth and into a bowl of ice cream. Your front door shuts gently behind you.
You stare at each other for a few seconds. Then you glance through your bedroom door, cracked open just enough for you to see the breeze rustling your curtains. You turn back to Peter, who's cleaning off his bottom lip of raspberry sorbet. "Did you climb through the window? You have a key."
Peter sets the bowl down beside him, shrugs, "You weren't returning my calls."
Your shoulders sag and you drop your things to the floor, "Peter-"
"No, no," you watch him slide off the countertop and bounce over to you, and the nearness you aren't prepared for makes you back away an inch or two, "No Peter. I'm not Peter. I'm Spider-Man. See?" He gestures to the suit.
You reach your hand up and pinch his exposed cheek, then narrowly avoid his teeth before he tries to nip you, "I'm not in the mood. I said I'd call you later, I'm just... busy."
"Busy avoiding your best friend."
You can feel him trail after you as you walk away, beginning to undress. He catches your coat when you throw it toward the couch and hangs it up all neat on a hook. He kicks your shoes to a wall and tugs your belt from your fingertips once you've undone it. Then, unexpectedly, he hooks said belt around your waist and yanks you back to face him.
The momentum throws you fully into his chest but he's sturdy, unmoving as you grip his shoulders and give him the most hostile look you can muster. You attempt to wiggle out of the trap but he pulls the belt tighter, forcing you closer, and then you start to panic as the space between you both disappears, "I haven't been avoiding you, I just needed space." You quickly explain.
"And I get that," he admits, "but you scared me. I've never seen you like that before. Not with me. Not ever."
Of course he hadn't. It was why you kept all of this a secret in the first place. Because you knew he'd worry, and you knew that there would be nothing he could do to fix it. Not like he usually could.
"It was a... brief lapse in self-esteem. That's all. You're making it into a bigger deal than it should be."
"It's not a big deal?"
"No! That's what I keep trying to tell you."
"So it doesn't matter at all."
"Correct."
"Right."
"It's just an arbitrary milestone that means nothing." You grip the leather of your belt but you're nothing against his superhuman strength. Pleading with your eyes, you do your best not to slip back into that vulnerable place all over again. Peter made you feel safe to do that. Way too safe to do that. "I promise. I'm not avoiding you."
You get sick of staring into the whites of his mask and so you grab the edge of it and pull it up to his hairline, little tufts of curls poking out as his face is fully revealed to you. You stare into those sharp, probing eyes of his, forcing yourself to stand the test of Peter Parker's perception.
Suddenly, you're released.
You stumble back a bit, the belt clanking against the floor, as Peter throws his arms up in defeat, "Alright, alright. I get it. I should've let you breathe the other night. I was just worried, is all."
You smile, "And I appreciate that."
Peter quickly glances at you and then away, making an exaggerated show of kicking imaginary dust off the floor. "First kisses really mean nothing then, huh?"
"Zilch. Nada."
"So... doesn't matter when it is, who it is..."
You watch him carefully, "If this is about when we were six-"
"No, no, I know that didn't count. You don't even remember it," his face contorts in a wince, "I was just thinking. Something."
Your eyes narrow, "Uh-huh."
"Well, I mean, is that why? Because you don't remember it? Or... is it because it was me?"
"The kiss?" Peter blows a raspberry, looking more bashful by the second, and nods without looking at you. "It's... it's because we were six. And we didn't know what we were doing. I was just mimicking what we saw. We didn't know anything."
"And now we do."
"Yeah. What are you getting at, Pete?"
He sits on the back of your couch and kicks his feet out in front of him. "If all that matters is that we both know what we're doing, and a first kiss is just a meaningless milestone to you, then I thought that maybe we could give it another go. You know. So when a real kiss comes along that actually means something, you'll have an idea of how it's supposed to go."
You're six years old again.
You and Peter Parker are sitting in the dirt, mouths covered in sticky ice cream that the summer sun melted right up. You're both talking about Flash Thompson's trip to Florida and the hilarious sunburn he came back with when you spot an elderly couple across the park, pressing their mouths together over and over.
You're looking over at Peter and asking about it, sure it couldn't possibly feel good, and he's telling you that when Uncle Ben kisses May good morning in the kitchen he always looks away because it's gross.
And you're thinking... you start thinking something.
You're thinking it would be funny—that Peter would hate you for it, but you're just so curious—and you're pressing your lips to his so quickly that he doesn't get a chance to pull back before you're giggling in the grass. And May's voice flutters in the background, a shrill and delighted, "I caught that!" that makes you both turn tail and run toward the swings.
Peter's still staring at you, waiting.
Part of you feels like it's pity. Like he doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself. Like he doesn't know how else to fix it, because he has to fix it. He has to fix everything. He has to be your hero.
But the other part? A restless and selfish part wants to take it; it's curious.
You take a step forward, the two of you watching each other, waiting to see if the other might back out at the last second. He stays exactly where he is, legs parting slowly, and the silent invitation makes you feel hot under the collar.
When you're standing between them, you feel his knees bump your legs on either side, his hands planted firmly into the couch cushions. You notice the grip he has on them, "Are you sure?" You pause.
Peter tilts his head in that strange, spider-like way. As if he cannot fathom why would you ask such a thing, "Of course. I'm the one who offered."
Your hands shake as they consider where to put themselves, and you get about halfway to his shoulders before he takes them and places them on either side of his face, mumbling something about how it might help you feel more in control, quell your nerves a bit.
Peter's cheeks feel so warm in your hands, and you can feel each swallow he makes the longer you take in his expression. "Should... I move in first? Or..."
He laughs, short and high-pitched, "I guess I can go first."
You know you're supposed to close your eyes, but as he comes in close, you can't help but keep them lidded, taking in every twitch of his mouth as he inclines his neck, shuts his eyes, and kisses you.
Your brain reacts a half-second after his lips touch yours. You've probably stopped breathing, and you have to force your lips to unstiffen so that you could actually feel him. His lips are a little wet—he'd been rolling his bottom lip between his teeth since he'd sat down—and they taste faintly of raspberry. They're not cold though, and the feeling isn't unpleasant.
You don't know how to react to it, don't know if you should move or not, and so instead you curl your fingers into the silk of his nape and wait for the pounding in your chest to stop.
You feel him mouth at your bottom lip just once, and then pull back. "How'd that feel?"
You recall the sensations that went through your brain (all that it can recall anyway, when Peter's looking at you like that), "Slimy...?"
Peter's face falls, and then he bursts into laughter, shakes with the force of it, and drops his head on your shoulder. "There's got to be a better word than that."
"I don't know! I was just thinking about the feeling."
"I don't want to know what it felt like, I want to know how it made you feel. Did you like it? Hate it?"
"I don't know. I'm- I'm nervous."
"Hey, that's okay," his hand rubs your hip, warming the skin there, and you find yourself leaning into it for comfort, "everyone is their first time."
Peter is so, so gentle. Your heart feels like it might give out, but a little less now that it's over and he's not looking at you in disgust. You don't know what you expected, but... this was better. By far. That part of you that felt selfish takes over again, "Can we try again?"
His eyes widen a bit, but he's immediately nodding, "Okay. Yeah. Okay. We can try as- as many times as you want."
You nearly choke on your spit. "Can we?" Your voice comes out a meek whisper.
Peter nods. He brings his legs in so that he's sitting properly now. "Of course. You wanna move me? I can sit somewhere else. Or you can sit if you want."
"No, I like you here," you say, feeling your stomach tighten when his thighs lock against your legs, "um. Is there anything I can work on? How did I feel?"
"Warm. Soft. Just try to loosen up, alright?"
You force yourself to release the tension in your body and move in first this time. Images of rom-com kisses flood your brain, how you memorized their rhythms and the placement of their mouths. You try your best to mimic it, make it feel as good as it seemed to look, when you feel one of Peter's hands slip behind your head and angle you away just a hair, "You're tensing up," he warns, making you pause, "it doesn't have to be perfect. It's just you and me. Breathe for me, okay? Turn your brain off."
You feel your stomach flip a bit, and nod along mindlessly. You try again.
This time, it feels a little different. Not wet or stiff, even if it is still awkward. It almost overwhelms you when, as you're mouthing at Peter's lip, he returns the favor, but you keep your brain empty. You can't focus on the details because it won't feel right. You can't focus on the way it looks because it won't feel right.
So you focus on Peter. You focus on the hand on your hip drawing you closer and the hand on your neck rubbing circles into the knot there. You focus on the feeling of his suit under your pinkies. You focus on the small hum he makes when, with quite a bit of building up to it, you pass your tongue over his.
Almost as soon as you do it, you pull back. Peter is flushed and it makes the beauty marks on his skin stand out more. His eyelashes flutter, a half-smile on his lips that are kissed red. By you.
You open your mouth to ask but he beats you to it, "I think you've got it now... yeah. Definitely." You're so relieved you sigh, sagging away from him, but he catches your hands before they can can leave his face completely and holds them in his lap. You don't dare move them. "How about you? Did you like it?"
You nod, speechless.
Peter laughs and squeezes your hands in his, "Okay, good. Good. I love you, you know? I know it doesn't... replace what you're looking for, but you're wonderful. You're insane and funny and stunning and there's nothing wrong... you know? You're perfect. Take it from your loser best friend who had to get bit by a radioactive spider to get to first base."
You snort, "I mean, if that's all it takes..."
Peter shakes his head and stands, but his hand remains on your neck as you follow his eyes to his full height, "So, we good? No more ignoring me?" You bite your lip, nodding your head. Peter smiles. "Good, cause I'm starving and I need you to split a pizza with me."
"You just polished off a tub of ice cream and you're still hungry?"
"I'm a growing spider, honey. And I missed you." Without warning, the hand on your hip hooks around your back and hoists you into his body, throwing you off balance once more, "I'll swing us there and cover cheese sticks too. Sound good?"
You know you don't have much room to argue when he's being so generous. And not when he's beaming at you, so genuinely relieved to have you back that it would knock you off your feet if he wasn't holding you up.
He was right; this wouldn't replace what you were looking for, but it gets pretty damn close. Closer than you expected, actually. But it's just the adrenaline. This didn't change anything.
Did it? You stare up at Peter.
"We can try as many times as you want."
You might have a very different problem than you started with.
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taglist: @yikes-buddy @alexxavicry @theclassicvinyldragon @marina-and-the-memes
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entirelysein-e · 4 months
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『 Becoming his princess 』
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☼ synopsis: Toji was obsessed with making you his sweet anal princess - entirely drunk on his cock stretching you so well.
☼ character: Toji
☼ wc: 3.2k
☼ cw: fem!reader, anal play, (first time) anal, Toji talking the reader into trying something new and pushing boundaries, consent checks, sex toys, lots of teasing and praise, reader getting called "good girl" and "princess", overstimulation, creampie, mentions of fingering, gentle aftercare
☼ notes: welcome to the depths of my brain when it comes to this man. Thank you @suyacho and @kenpachisbrat for letting me write this in chat! 🫶 | don't forget to sign up for my taglist so you won't miss a post!
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Toji had always been an ass man, that much was clear. Whenever you two were cuddling on the couch or making out, his broad hands always found their way to the globes of your ass. You didn't mind it, you were actually starting to enjoy it, but lately he started to push you further. The talk of trying out anal came up, which you quickly turned down. Your ass was a one-way route, exit only and the thought about having Tojis cock in there made your skin crawl in all the wrong ways. Without another choice, Toji didn't bring up the topic again, but he didn't stop to feel you up either since you never expressed any issues with it previously, so why not push your boundaries a little?
The next time he had you on all fours, he grinned dirty when his tongue dragged through your drenched folds, eating you out like a man starved, but instead of sinking his tongue into your cunt to have more of your juices melt on his tongue, he dragged it further up to tongue at your puckered hole for just a second. The foreign sensation made you squeak and move away before giving him an angry glare, to which he only feigned innocence, hands held up high, but that wolfish grin on his lips gave it away. “Just couldn't stop myself, darling. Won't happen again,” he promised, half assed but he meant it. You made it clear that you didn't like it and he wouldn't push it - at least not with his tongue. In reality, you weren't sure about how you felt about it, that big taboo clouded your judgment because it actually didn't feel that bad when his wet tongue toyed with your ass, but you shook your head, the thought gone as quickly as it came. Perhaps you'd let him indulge in his little fantasies when you're fucked dumb on his cock, at least that way you won't be able to think about it too much.
Toji was caught by surprise when you nodded softly as he was running his thumb over your puckered hole, his dick buried deep in your cunt. “Want me to push it in, hm?” He asked with a teasing smirk, but that was his mistake, he made you think about it. Unsure about it, you groaned into the pillows, your face buried in the plush fabric, while your hips were high and working to meet his thrusts. “Don’t ask me like that... That's weird,” you mumbled between breathless moans and he made a mental note about putting you in this position again next time, simply putting his hand back onto the globe of your ass as he continued to fuck you into the mattress. Once again, your mind was clouded with the taboo you almost explored and perhaps you just needed to talk with him? Let him know that you're simply nervous about it and his teasing isn't helping - quite the opposite, actually.
"Why do I want to fuck your ass?” Toji repeated your question, the heat rising to your face upon hearing his words that were followed by a chuckle.
“Because that's hot and feels good. For both of us, if it's done right,” he eventually answered nonchalantly, and you nodded.
“Would you do it then? The right way, I mean, so it feels good? But please stop your teasing it's-” Your words started flooding out, rambling in your nervous and slightly embarrassed state, but the black-haired man interrupted you.
“You're rambling, my sweet,” he grinned and leaned in to capture your lips in a sweet kiss that left you wanting more. His lips always left you addicted, wiping your head empty and filling it solely with him.
“Let me make you feel good.” His words sent shivers down your spine and you absentmindedly nodded, allowing him to give you that sweet taste of pleasure you both craved now. In an instant, he pulled you across the couch and onto his lap, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as his hands roamed over your back and your sides as your lips collided in a heated make-out session.
It only took a few minutes until his hands discarded your shirt, his skin hot against your bare chest, when he kissed down your neck to leave love bites along the way. A raspy moan escaped your throat when his teeth tugged at one of your nipples before his tongue immediately lapped over it to soothe the sting. The mix of pain and gentle caress almost drove you insane. Shaky hands started pulling at his jet black strands when his lips left soothing kisses scattered across the valley of your chest. Lost in the feeling of his lips and tongue against your breast, you barely noticed how he picked you up to carry you to the bedroom, ever so gently setting you down on the mattress, where his warmth left your body for just a moment.
"One word and we stop," he whispered into your ear when he returned to his position on top of you again, dragging your favorite toy - a small magic wand - across the inside of your bare thigh, the lowest setting already letting your skin tingle deliciously, but you nodded. "Hmm, yes," you verbally confirmed when he removed the toy from your leg, an expectant look on his face. "That's my good girl. Using her words for me," he muttered against your skin and rewarded you by letting the toy glide over your already slick folds. Soft moans erupted almost instantly, the pleasure was near overwhelming.
His fingers soon joined the toy, the vibration taking your focus away as he dragged them between your folds without dipping them in, instead letting them glide lower between your cheeks. The lube was almost dripping off of them when he started massaging your puckered hole with his middle finger. Eyes full of insecurity shot up at him when you felt him slowly push inside, but not enough to slip past the tight ring of muscles yet.
Your hands started to claw at his arm, trying to stop him and he leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss once again, the vibrations against your clit getting more intense.
"Color?" His voice was uncharacteristically soft and you struggled to answer him between moans "ye-yellow." The words eventually slipped out and he hummed in acknowledgment - You didn't say red, so it was okay to continue.
His lips returned to yours as the magic wand remained teasing your bundle of nerves until a gasp escaped your mouth. Toji couldn't hold back the smirk against your lips at how cute your reaction was, his finger slotted deeply inside your ass, unmoving.
Only when you started desperately grinding against the wand did you register his finger inside of you and a desperate "green" left your lips, almost in a scream. You were on the verge of an orgasm and all your previous little worries didn't exist. Your mind was feeling as light as a feather when he pushed a second finger in right before the vibration of the toy gave you that sweet release you were so desperately chasing after. Toji groaned when he felt you clench around him, so tight just with his fingers inside of you that it made his erection grow painful, but he had to wait. His fingers kept pumping into you, curling and scissoring them to stretch you further. The foreign feeling started to feel good and Toji was able to see the change in your eyes.
It was exactly how he planned this to go, making you feel so good and making you lose your mind with pleasure as he pushed your boundaries until you're begging him to fuck your little ass.
"Be my good girl and turn around," he mused and slowly pulled out of you, which made you whine. You felt so pathetic when that noise escaped your throat, but you did as told, wanting this high back you felt moments ago. The orgasm was more intense than usual.
"Atta girl," his voice was raspy as the need in him grew from seeing you in such a vulnerable position for him - laying on your stomach with your hips held high just for him.
Your slick folds were on full display for him as he let some more lube drip onto your puckered hole, chuckling when you flinched from the cool liquid. "Careful, it's cold," he teased, warning you far too late, but before you could react to his words, another toy pushed against your hole. Unsure where he even got it, you braced yourself and Toji held the magic wand against your wet cunt once more, trying to help you relax for him.
The plug slid in surprisingly easy and you looked over your shoulders at your lover with doe eyes, feeling so good but scared at the same time. The metal object made you feel full, stretching your insides while his thumb slid into your pussy to massage your g-spot until he had you right where he wanted to again. All the stimulation tightened the knot inside of you at record speed, threatening to snap the next time his thumb pushed against your sweet spot, but it never came. Instead, Toji removed his finger and started moving the anal plug, the buzzing of the toy against your clit finally taking you over the edge a second time.
Your muscles sucked the plug back in, clenching tightly around it, which made you feel so full already and it only made you crave more. The black-haired man knew exactly what he was doing, corrupting you, making you crave having your ass filled with his cock and it was working.
When the shocks of pleasure wore off, Toji continued playing with the plug inside of you, pulling and pushing - he wanted you to whine, to admit how good it felt to you. He broke you down slowly but surely and you enjoyed it. Your hands gripped the sheets tightly when you started pushing back into him, breathless moans falling from your lips and getting swallowed by the pillows beneath you.
“What was that?” He asked teasingly and at the same time, he pulled the little metal plug out of you.
“You want my fingers again?” His voice sounded menacing, having heard your plea for his fingers perfectly well.
“Fuck- Toji… Just finger me already,” you snapped embarrassed, wanting him to work you open so you could finally feel his cock inside of you.
You were always so drunk on his cock, craving it inside of you in one way or another and the thought of having him fill yet another hole of yours started to excite you rather than scare you. His chuckle sounded mean, but you didn't bother focusing on it when two of his thick fingers pushed into your ass once again, this time with ease.
“You take me so well, darling. Gonna make you my little anal princess, hm? Want me to fuck your ass so badly?” He started to mock you, his voice laced with amusement with every whine of pleasure you provided him with and you didn't need to answer him. The way you bit your lip absentmindedly at his words was enough for him to know you wanted this as badly as he did now.
Thoughtful as he was, Toji turned the little wand on again to help you relax because his fingers were nothing compared to the girth of his dick and it would hurt. Both his fingers remained inside of you as he used his other hand to slick up his cock with the lube, using a generous amount to make things easier for you.
“Ready to be my little princess?” He asked with a smirk as he pulled his fingers out painfully slow, the tip of his dick now kissing your puckered hole, and slowly he pushed in, never enough to slip even the tip inside of you. He wanted to hear you beg for him, beg him to fuck your sweet little ass. He needed you to beg him to ruin you completely, claim your body fully and never be satisfied with another man ever again.
The anticipation his endless teasing brought drove you insane, the vibration against your pussy wasn't strong enough to give you the pleasure you craved and you knew that you needed him inside of you to cum again, needed to have him ruin you to find pleasure.
"To-ji,” his name was cut in half by a whimper when just his tip slipped into your puckered hole, only to disappear again.
“Just fu- just fuck me already,” you almost screamed it, shame sitting deep inside of you at having to beg him to finally take you from behind, but he made you taste poison and you liked it.
“As you wish,” a wolfish grin spread over his lips and a single thrust was all it took for him to be settled inside of you, his heavy balls slapping against your wet cunt in the process.
Your eyes opened wide at the intrusion, unsure if it hurt or felt good - you just felt full. Feeling you clench around him like a vice was almost painful to him, but he granted you time to get used to the feeling.
“Taking me so well. So good for me.” His words were soothing, kisses against your spine helped you relax further, but when he turned the wand higher again, your hips jerked up, letting you feel him so much deeper inside of you. A high-pitched moan left your lips, almost a yelp, but it was filled with a foreign sense of pleasure. Your walls stopped gripping Toji’s cock like a vice, giving him the opportunity to finally move inside of you. His thrusts were slow but deep, his hips rolling against yours to make you feel each thrust dragging along your walls. The overwhelming feeling of being so unusually full, paired with the strong vibration against your already overly sensitive bundle of nerves had you panting like a bitch in heat, your hips bucking into him and helplessly humping the wand.
“Ah, ah. You'll cum from my cock, princess,” Toji ordered and removed the toy from your pussy.
A loud whine of protest escaped your lips, but it turned into one of pleasure when he rolled his hips particularly hard, catching you off guard by how good it felt. You were so close, but it was never enough to take you over the edge. The feeling of Toji's cock in your ass was too foreign and intense to snap that knot inside of your stomach - or at least that's what you thought. Toji slumped over you, no longer able to hold up his weight entirely as he caged you in, his huge body forcing your hips down against the mattress so he had you in prone bone.
The simple change of position made you feel so small compared to your lover, his hot breaths and grunts driving you insane and before you knew it, you were clawing into the pillows, chanting his name like a lewd prayer as another orgasm washed over you. "Fuck! That's my good girl," Toji praised, his voice deep and strained from the way you clenched around his cock, so hard he could barely thrust into you anymore, but that's exactly what he liked. Your little ass was just so perfect for him and no one else ever made you feel this way. It gave him the biggest ego boost with the way you were singing so pretty for him.
Your ears were ringing from the intensity of your orgasm, barely able to hear the praise that fell from your lover's lips, only the strangled moan followed by harsh pants when he finally released inside of you. Unable to help it, you whined loudly. The feeling of his cum filling you up made you realize that it would be over soon and you didn't want this ecstatic feeling to end yet, not when you just started enjoying it. Your pathetic whine made Toji chuckle, his black hair tickling your shoulder as he shook his head.
"You're so damn greedy, you know that?" He asked amused and pulled your hips into him so he could slide the magic wand between your pussy and the mattress once again, the highest setting buzzing against your clit. "To-ji," you moaned his name, "too much." Your voice was hoarse, but he didn't listen. The feeling of your ass clenching tightly around his cock was drowning out your little sounds of protest. "Stop crying and fucking cum," he groaned into your ear, an order you knew you should follow. You could have told him "red," but you didn't, craving the feeling of yet another orgasm even if your overstimulated clit screamed for mercy.
When you finally reached your peak, Toji was hissing into your ear as you milked him dry, trying to get every drop of his seed into your greedy body. "You're doing so good for me. Took me so well." His voice was soft, uncharacteristically sweet, even when the wand slowly lost the intensity until he shut it off entirely. Your clit still twitching from the intense vibration it just felt and all you could do was nod. You were his good girl, his sweet little anal princess and he was so proud of you.
Carefully, Toji slipped out of you, his hands spreading your cheeks to see your hole gape from the previous intrusion and it was a sight he could certainly get used to. There was a grin on his face when he watched his cum run down to your still-glistening cunt, a finger following the trail of white liquid.
“I should make sure that your little pussy doesn't feel neglected, don't you think?" Toji mused out, a single finger pushing some of his seed into your entrance, but you shook your head. "Red." The word left your lips in a mumble and he immediately stopped teasing you.
"Let's take a bath then, or you'll regret it in the morning," he said matter-of-factly before scooping you up into his arms and throwing you over his shoulder, which never fails to make you laugh. It was such a silly thing to him, but you looked like you needed more gentle aftercare this time, so a bath and some cuddles after would do it.
"How're ya feelin'?" Toji's voice was gentle now as his arms wrapped around you and his head rested on top of yours, bodies surrounded by hot water.
"'m good. A bit sore, to be honest," you mumbled back to him, your head resting against his broad chest, adoring just how caring he can be if he wants to.
"You'll get used to it. The first always is worst, but you seemed to enjoy it regardless," he pointed out, a shit-eating grin spreading over his lips and you could hear it in his voice.
"Just shut up, Fushiguro." You laughed softly and bit his arm in a playful way. But he was right - you did enjoy it and perhaps you'll let him have both holes next time.
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w2soneshots · 4 months
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Baby daddy -W2S
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words: 0.9k+
warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy.
summary: after a one night stand you find yourself pregnant with Harry’s baby, you go to Faith for advice then tell Harry. But how does he react?
notes: hello my loves😚. Here’s the request! I love this idea and I hope you all enjoy🧸🫶🏼
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"No. There's no way. I'm gonna do another one." My brain rambled as I stared at the pregnancy test. I reached for the small box. It's empty. Within thirty minutes I had used the entire box, all positive. "This can't be happening. I can't be pregnant." I thought, in complete denial. I didn't know what to do with myself. It's not just any normal night I can't just eat dinner and go to sleep. I just found out that I'm pregnant with my friend's baby. I barely slept that night.
A week later I was still trying to process the news. I knew exactly when it had happened. One night (around five weeks ago) I went out with everyone for Freya's birthday. We all got really drunk and I had been touch deprived for so long that somehow I ended up waking up in Harry's apartment, next to him in his bed. Thankfully he was still asleep when I woke so I grabbed my things and bolted. We had completely ignored the fact that we had sex and since no one knew it wasn't really a problem. Until now.
I decided that I needed to talk to someone. I couldn't keep this bottled up for another second or I felt as though I might explode. Faith is who I choose to tell. I know I can trust her and she's my only friend who's actually a mum. "Hey. Are you free anytime today? x" I asked via text. She replied quickly. "Ethan's filming so I'm here with Olive all day. Do you wanna come here? xx" I let out a sigh of relief. "That would be great! I'll see you in 30 xx" "Come through the glass door. It'll be unlocked xx"
I quickly got ready into a sweat set, brushed my hair into a ponytail then grabbed my phone and left. I drove to Faith's house and in just twenty minutes was waiting for her to open the gate. Once I'd parked I hoped from the car. I walked round the house to the glass doors. Then slid it open. I heard Rolo barking then Faith came shuffling into the lounge. "Hi! How've you been?" She pulled me into a quick hug. "Uhm, pretty good." I replied. She furrowed her brows. "What's up?" Uncontrollable tears welled in my eyes. "Oh my god. Come sit." She led me over to the couch.
"Ok start from the beginning." She said once I had calmed down. I took a deep breath. "So you know when we went out for Freya's birthday?" "Mhm." She nodded. "Well I- um- I ended up at Harry's apartment." Her brows furrowed. "I barely remember it but I know we- you know-" "you had sex with Harry?!" She exclaimed.
"Wow. Have you talked about it since?" She asked. "No but I didn't come round to tell you about that." Her face contorted into confusion. "Oh, what did you want to talk about?" She softened. My eyes fluttered closed. "I'm pregnant." I whispered. She went silent. "Congratulations?" She wasn't sure what to say. "Thanks. I uh- I don't really know how to feel." "And it's Harry's?" I nodded. "Well you know I'm here if you need absolutely anything." I smiled lightly at her. "I know." She pulled me into a warm hug.
After I talked to Faith I decided it was time to tell Harry. He deserves to know. But I booked a doctor's appointment first, to one hundred percent confirm that I'm pregnant. I hadn't really had any symptoms other than the fact I had missed my period, which is why I took the test. After a quick blood test the nurse confirmed it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been in complete denial the entire time and this made it real, I'm going to be a mother.
It was almost two weeks after I had found out when me and Harry eventually saw each other. I sent him a text and he had agreed to come round to my apartment. I hadn't told him much just that I needed to talk. When he arrived my heartbeat sped up and my palms began to sweat. I opened the door after taking a deep breath. I smiled lightly at him. "Hi. Come in." I stepped aside. He awkwardly walked in. We sat on my couch.
In seconds I blurted out "I'm pregnant." His mouth dropped open and the room fell silent. "You- what?" He stuttered. "I'm pregnant Harry." I repeated. He swallowed. "And it's mine?" I nodded. "Uh- I- wow." I didn't know what to do, he wasn't talking this very well. "Listen, I don't expect anything from you. I just thought you should know." I spoke softly. "I just- I-" suddenly he jumped from the sofa and bolted out of my apartment. I burst into tears. I really thought- well I wasn't sure what I thought.
I told Faith about the incident and she attempted to comfort me. "He just needs to process it. Like you did. He'll come around. Give him time." She had said. That calmed me and almost a week went by with nothing until I got a knock on my door. I pushed myself from the sofa, that I'd been sat on all day since I wasn't feeling the best. I froze when I saw Harry standing outside my door. He didn't give me time to say a word. "y/n please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I reacted like that. I want to do this with you. I want to be a dad." He said quickly. A smile spread across my face. Then I stepped forward pulling his nervous frame into a soft hug.
Years later me and Harry sat in our beautiful house watching our two young kids playing together. Reminiscing about what brought us to this moment. Happy, content and in love.
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harleehazbinfics · 8 months
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Home is where my heart is.
Chapter 2: It was a date? Table of Contents | Profile
Word Count: 918 A/N: I'll make a separate post for what I envisioned Miledy to be, those would be early designs tho.
(edited as of Feb 20)
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“Thanks again for coming, Al. Thanks for the radio too, it must’ve been quite expensive,” I said to him with a small smile. We were currently in a coffee shop, where I invited him as a thank you for taking me around the city for the best stores and sights in town.
“It’s nothing grand, it was my pleasure! Besides, I was the one that asked to come with you either way,” he replied with his grin before drinking his coffee. “I just hope you would listen to me while I’m on air.”
“I wouldn’t miss it!” I replied happily giving him a radiant smile.
Alastor seemed to enjoy the sight and happy hum and continued, “Speaking of which, darlin’. I wanted to ask you to sing a few songs during my radio show. I quite enjoy your songs and fantastic singing voice; it definitely has the potential to go big! And why not invite you over, it’s a win-win-win for us!”
I was shocked for a moment and rambled on mostly to myself, “W-well, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m good enough to do that and specially on your own show I couldn’t--.”
I stopped when he took my hand pat it, encasing my hands with his large ones. “Calm down, sweetheart. I won’t force you if you don’t want to. I just wanted to open an opportunity for you, I didn’t to put you in a tight spot there. I apologize.”
I looked at him with grateful eyes with how understanding he was and nodded my head.
“Just tell me when you’re ready, darling. That offer is always open,” he encouraged with his enthusiastic theatrics. He then looks at his watch and announces, “Oh would you look at that! It’s almost time! We should hurry if we want to catch up.”
I stood up with him confused as he escorted me outside and hailed a taxi for us to get in. “Where are we going, Al?”
“That’s a surprise,” he whispered with half-lidded eyes and his easy grin.
Flustered, I turned my head to the streets and watch as the people pass by. Eventually, halted by the seaside. The golden hue flushed the world around us, making everything look magical.
I went and held the silver railing and simply uttered, “Wow.”
Hearing nothing from the usually talkative radio host, I looked over to Alastor who looked over the distance with melancholy hazing his eyes. Thinking over what happened today and the day I first met him, I started to reconsider what he said at the café. I wanted to do something for him for all the things he had given me.
“Hey, Al?” I called to him somewhat embarrassed.
He turns to me and puts on a lazy grin, replying, “Yes, sweetheart?”
“About the offer…” I look away from his eyes and breathed in, “I want to do it.”
His eyes visibly light up and gives me a hug, making me go wide eyed from the sudden show of affection. I didn’t think of him as the type of guy to be all touchy-feely. Before I could even return it, he unlatches off me and holds my shoulders eagerly.
“Wonderful! You won’t regret it. I’ll put on a show for you in no time!” he responds happily.
I give him a wry smile and laugh, before looking back at the shore reliving through what I went through today, while Alastor placed his arm around my shoulders quite intimately. I looked at the hand on my shoulder and back to his face and laughed.
“You know, if someone were to look at us right now and all the things we did together. I’d think they’d surely assume that we were on a date,” I jested, nudging my shoulder at him.
He doesn’t say anything at first but the counters, “Funnily enough, I always thought that were the case.” I look at him confused making him pet my head, “I won’t deny that I hold an attraction towards you, and neither will I deny that today’s plans were exactly a date.”
“S-so you.. to me??” I stuttered bewildered that someone as him would like a simple girl like me.
“But of course!” he explains, “The moment I saw you in the club you’ve already caught my eye, and having to share a two, few many drinks with you. You are quite a rarity in an age like this.”
“B-but what if I-,” I started feeling my anxiety get to me, try to get away from his grip.
“My dear, what if are only figurative. Nothing good will ever come out of overthinking,” he tried holding my hands trying to soothe me.
I took a big breath in and asked, “Are you sure you’d want me? I’m not a good person, Alastor. I mess up, make mistakes and I’m a coward.”
Looking down at our hands, I missed the mysterious haze over his eyes and replied, “So am I. I like you for who you are, Miledy. Whether you stumble and fall or flourish and grow, I want to be the first person there to pick you up and support you.”
I smiled at him, finding comfort in his words and nodded my head, “Okay. I want to there for you too, Al.”
“Lovely. How about I take you home now? Our outing has gotten a little bit late,” he changed the topic.
“Alright,” I answer happily letting him escort me while talking all the way home.
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vaguesxrrow · 4 months
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Hello! Love your Edwin works!! Anyways, can I request a Edwin x alive!reader or ghost but they appear to be aloof 24/7 but has a soft spot for him, like it’s a complete opposite personality of them. For example they get flustered when they’re near him or being teased by him etc. It could be HCs or in fic form. Thanks in advance! -🖤
HELLOO loved this req ty sm, here u go xx
edwin / reader - soft spot
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a/n: tried my best to not make reader seem mean, just detached but still kind
tags: gender neutral reader, alive reader, aloof reader
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- you meet everyone when you move in to jenny's butcher shop
- really, you chose the place because jenny herself seemed about as non-invasive and private as you were - you just wished she'd warned you about her two (four, counting the dead ones) other tenants
- first, you met niko and crystal as they were exiting niko's room, both sipping tea from pink cups
- they were nice and all, but your responses were terse as they tried to break the ice
- niko asked you where you were from, you gave the vague response of "not far from here", and she then started talking about japan before remembering a detail she thought crystal would like
- you took that opportunity to slip into your room and lock the door behind you
- later, crystal and niko would tell edwin and charles about their new neighbour:
- crystal: they seemed... aloof. didn't seem very interested in small talk.
- edwin, of course, found this a bit suspicious and had to investigate
- what he didn't anticipate was you being able to see him as he walked through your wall while you were unpacking
- you startled when he stuck his head in through your wallpaper
- "i'm sorry, are you lost?" you exclaimed. "in what world is it acceptable to just- oh."
- your voice kind of gave way at the end as edwin fully stepped inside, an excuse already on his lips
- your first impression was god, he was cute
- of course, you already knew about ghosts from your near death experience; besides, it was hard not to notice them, as they seemed to walk through things very often without thinking. so you weren't fazed.
- in fact, you were the opposite - you smiled at him and asked his name after introducing yourself, still a bit breathless
- edwin was such a pretty name, you thought
- "so, uh... is this apartment building one of your usual haunts?" you cringed at the pun
- the corners of his mouth quirked upwards, but only briefly. you wondered how he would look laughing
- edwin, on his part, was also rather taken by you
- edwin: i must say, i find myself rather charmed by your unexpected friendliness
- you were nothing like the description crystal and niko had given him, and he would tell you so
- for the first time in your life, you would feel warmth rise to your cheeks
- "same.. i mean, it's nice to have a neighbour as cute as you-" you cut yourself off, even more embarrassed
- imagine edwin cocking his head to the side, eyebrow raised but otherwise silent, which just makes you ramble more to make it less awkward
- "it's just nice to have neighbours in general, and uh, i should really start organising so it isn't such a mess the next time you're over..."
- your rambling benefits you in the end, because edwin excuses himself with the promise he'll definitely be over again - this time arranged in advance
- did you just score yourself a date? who knows.
- as he leaves, he would definitely call you "interesting" and tell you he looks forward to talking in the future
- when he returns to his friends, he would tell them that you seemed completely pleasant and maybe even a bit alluring
- charles would definitely check him over for any signs of a hex, but it becomes apparent to all of them that he really just has a crush on you
- after you meet charles, too, he would definitely tell edwin, "everyone likes me eventually, but when is eventually going to happen with [name]?"
- edwin: they seem perfectly amiable to me. very thoughtful, too
- charles is stunned, because your first meeting consisted of you just staring at him as he explained he was best friends with edwin, leaving him with a "that's nice," and a pointed look as you left
- ofc there are many more moments where crystal, charles, and niko look at you around edwin and think, "what the fuck?"
- eg: after a few months of you living there, and after you've become accustomed to the town, edwin asks for your help on a case as it happens to be related to a library you frequent
- he approaches you together with crystal, niko, and charles
- you agree to helping with a small smile, touched that he trusts you enough
- when you traipse to the library, edwin teasingly asks, "so, is this one of your usual haunts?"
- you choke at the reminder of your tactless first attempt at flirting
- charles, niko, and crystal are a bit speechless at your reaction, to which you half glare at them and say "it's nothing."
- overall, though, everyone thinks it's cute that you're so flustered by edwin. at first, they're really just cheering for edwin to find a healthy relationship, but eventually everyone sees how good you two are for each other
- and you are - edwin sees how, despite your disinterested demeanor, you are a kind person and care about him a lot, your affection going beyond him being the only one to actually make you laugh
- he loves you just as much, by the way, and would be the first to vouch for your character as well as the first to greet you, with a hug and a cheek kiss
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subjectredacted · 8 months
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y'all i am so bad at checking in and posting on tumblr, but!!! i really must scream on every platform because LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT waaaaaAAAAAA look at this beautiful cover art for my fanfic, illustrated by the amazing @fritzmetzger !!!
If you'd like to check out the fic, it's over here on ao3!
More thoughts and feelings, and talk about how this wonderful artistic collaboration came to be under the cut:
Back in December in the Alan Wake Book Club server, I asked for some kind of writing prompt with intentions of just writing a little drabble to practice. Fritz gave me this: "caseywake, brutal gore necrophilia" and I went alright cool, let's get brutal and weird because I love horror and it's a great chance to play in the space. I started thinking about ideas and began writing and the drabble idea turned into something bigger. A multi-chapter endeavor. Because: I wanted to have Alan kill Casey over and over again but I also wanted him to have to sit and live with the building distress and emotions involved in this, especially when it came to potentially romantic and lustful feelings involving a corpse. (I also found myself wanting to write about Alan as a few different kinds of monsters as a way to play around even more with the horror of it all.)
The more I thought about the dreams, the more I also thought about how I wanted to frame this story and how it would bleed out into both Alan and Casey's real lives. Because the experiences are happening as shared dreams, it's been interesting to think about the short-and-long-term impact that they have on the two of them, and how the dreams interplay with their emotional states and relationships with those around them.
The fic is still very early on right now (i'm taking a little break from writing chapter four as we speak), but I have lots of plans outlined (and I also continue to welcome in new ideas to this both when I am and am not working on it) for the future. If I had to estimate right now... 20 or so more chapters to go based on the current ideas I have outlined right now. After a certain point in the story, we'll also be exploring Casey's side of the dreams to see what his perspective is on what is happening, and I am VERY much looking forward to their eventual realization that all of these strange and grotesque moments were shared over the years once they finally meet face-to-face in 2023.
For anyone reading the fic, the fabled necrophilia is coming very soon! (Chapter 5, unless Casey wants to get another chapter in beforehand. If that happens, it will be chapter 6!)
if you read all my rambling, thank you!! pls join me in will smith posing at this amazing art by fritz!!!! RRRRAAAAAAAA
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ahgasegotarmy116 · 6 months
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The Art of Etiquette Part 8 | Jeon Jungkook
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Summary: Finishing up your shopping trip goes off without a hitch but Jungkook reminds you of what's going on between you two Pairing: f!reader x Etiquette instructor Jungkook Word Count: 4k~ Warnings: Explicit and suggestive language but nothing crazy lol a/n: This took me literally forever to get out and I'm so sorry but I hope it was worth the wait. I wanted to wrap up this trip quickly and move on but I like the thought of them shopping together so I hope you guys do too! p.s. barely edited as always lol Start from the beginning
After finishing our lunch and finally finding the perfect dress for the event, Jungkook and I head off on our next adventure, bidding adieu to Genevieve once again. 
"So, what's next on the list?" I question after he starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. "Well what's a beautiful girl in a beautiful gown without a beautiful pair of shoes and jewelry to match?" he teases and continues on our journey to wherever he has in mind. 
"I guess you're right" I say, sinking into my seat and trying my best not to melt from his compliments. 
He hands me the aux again giving me free reign of the soundtrack of our journey and I play some random choices that have been my current favorites which also happen to be some of his as well. 
"Seems like we're a lot more similar than I thought we were" I laugh after having sung along to boyfriend by Ariana Grande. "What makes you say that?" he says turning down the volume a bit. "Well we like some of the same music, we like the same foods, we both hated a majority of those dresses I tried on" I list off leaving him chuckling a bit at the last one. 
"Can you blame me? You looked like a glorified ballerina in half of those and the others just looked way too painful to wear for a few minutes let alone a few hours" he says and I respect his honesty. 
"I'm glad we found 'The One' eventually" I say in quotations, still not 100% sold on it yet. "You didn't like it?" he asks, looking genuinely concerned. "If you didn't like it we could've talked to her and seen if she could've ordered a different one" he says, quickly showing me that there's time to change things if I'm still unsure. 
"No, no the dress is fine it's just...well I haven't ever worn a gown like that before. The closest thing I could think of would be a dress I wore to a school dance but that obviously was no where near as expensive as that one" I ramble leaving him chuckling at my nervousness. 
"What's so funny?" I ask, furrowing my brow and demanding an explanation. "It's just that you look adorable" he chuckles leaving me groaning and sinking back into my chair. "Hey I'm serious you looked very beautiful in the dress and I promise you're gonna look stunning at the event as well" he assures, trying to lift my spirits and it does the trick thankfully. 
'Who am I to doubt a gorgeous man's words of praise? I just I- What? I- Okay I need to stop thinking about him like that but it's hard not to when he keeps on calling me beautiful and gorgeous and ugh I'm doomed' I scold myself, leaving me averting my vision from him to take in the beautiful view outside my window, just now realizing in how truly gorgeous it looks out here. 
"Everything okay?" he asks, noticing my clear shift in demeanor and I quickly try to clear things up without making things even more awkward. "Yeah no I'm fine. I feel like I never really looked outside my window on this drive since I was sleeping the first time we came here" I explain, hoping he'll accept that as an answer and although he looks suspicious he lets it go. 
"You know, I've been out here so many times that I've forgotten to look around as well. It's a nice drive for sure" he agrees and we sit there for a while, going down the highway and listening to the slow hum of my playlist in the background.
~~~~~
As we get closer to the city I realize that I still have no clue where we're going to get these accessories he had mentioned but I didn't think we would be going to a little couture boutique that I've never bothered setting foot inside. Simply knowing for a fact I would never be able to afford anything. 
"You sure we should start there? I mean I'm sure there are a lot more affordable places close by" I say, trying to back my way out of it but he gently guides me inside and nods his head politely in greeting to the sales women there as we walk through the doors. 
"James wants you to have the best of the best and feel confident at your first outing so he wanted us to start at the top. Just take a deep breath and don't look at the prices alright" he coaches before leaving me to wander around in search of the perfect shoes when unbeknownst to me he's already gotten one of the ladies headed to the back to grab a few pairs that might match the dress. 
"You're size eight in heels correct?" he asks, putting on an heir of sophistication since we're no longer alone. "Correct" I answer as I look at the various colors, styles and flashiness of all the items around me as I make my way further and further into the store. 
"Mr. Jeon?" the woman calls for him and he leads me over to where she's placed the various pairs that he thought might've been suitable for the occasion. 
"See any you like?" he asks, watching as I observe the array he had chosen and I pick a plain black pair to start. "These seem nice" I say as I try it on for size and notice they're a tad too tight. "You think they would match the dress well though?" he questions and when I think back to it I realize that we should probably keep looking.
~~~~~~ 
After trying on a dozen more I feel as though we'll never find the right ones until I notice a pair that's on display in the front window. "What about those ones?" I ask, pointing to them and he waves the woman down that had been helping us and she nods before going to retrieve them for me. 
"You're in luck Miss, these are the last pair we have. They are a half size small but go ahead and try them on" she says, placing the box down on the bench beside me.
When I go to take them out Jungkook places his hand on top of mine and I pause, looking over at him to question his motives. "Allow me?" he offers and I nod my head, caught off guard but letting him do as he pleases. 
He takes off the last pair I had just tried on and slips the first shoe on with ease, almost as if they had been made for me. Once he's gotten the other shoe on as well he steps back and holds out his hand, asking me to stand up and walk around in this last hopeful pair. I do as I had done time and time again this but lose my footing as I take my first step. 
"Woah there" he says, letting me fall into his chest, avoiding any further injury for the day. "Are you alright?" he asks and when I lean back to respond my breath catches in my throat, nudging my nose against his. 
"I- um yeah, yes I'm fine" I stammer after having stared at his lips for a beat too long, stepping back and again losing my footing leaving him having to grab me by my hips to steady me again. "Maybe we should take a break from the shoes for the day" he chuckles and I look down at my feet with an excuse of checking out the heels like I had before but noticing that these might actually work. 
Taking a closer look in the mirror I watch myself walk up to it and notice that for once I don't look like a baby gazelle learning how to walk for the first time while also realizing that the color and style matches somehow perfectly after having seen them up close. 
I turn to look back at Jungkook and see a satisfied smile, knowing that we've found the ones. "Those it?" he questions, still leaving the choice up to me and I smile and nod, loving the fact that our efforts were not in vain. 
He makes a nod at the sales woman, asking her to ring them up while he walks up behind me. Looking at our reflection I notice that although these heels are a tad bit higher than my usual ones he's still taller which makes them even more perfect.
"You tired?" he asks, placing a hand on my hip after taking in the sight of the both of us and guiding me back over to the bench so I can finally put my own shoes back on, leaving me thanking my past self for wearing boots instead of some sort of heel as well.
"A little" I say after having slipped my feet back into the boots, standing up and yet again losing my footing, this time only giving Jungkook the chance to grab onto my hand as I thankfully sit right back down on the bench instead of landing on the floor.
"Tried on one too many huh?" he laughs, holding my hand to now aide in steading my balance from the start making me smile awkwardly in thanks for him yet again saving me from my clumsy self. "Yeah maybe" I laugh, picking up my bag and we slowly make our way over to the counter where he pays without bothering to ask for a price.
"How much were they?" I ask, trying to look over his shoulder to see if I could catch sight of it but before I'm able to the transaction has gone through and they're holding out the bag for one of us to take and Jungkook swiftly receives it before taking ahold of my hand again and thanking the staff as we make our way to the next store. 
"Don't worry about it" he says and guides us aimlessly towards the place I could only assume is to find the jewelry to pull everything together. "What do you mean don't worry about it? I'm sure they were really expensive" I argue but that gets me no closer to getting the price than if I would've stayed silent. 
"The invoice will be sent to Matthew and will be charged to James so don't worry about it" he says, assuring me that although he paid this isn't coming out of his pocket. "Fine" I huff and follow him blindlessly before stopping in my tracks in front of the next store. 
"What's wrong?" he asks, looking back at me as we've still got our hands connected leaving him stopping as well. "Jungkook this is Cartier like Cartier the luxury jewelry brand" I say, stunned at even the thought of owning something as expensive as what I might find there. 
"I am aware. Would you prefer to go to Tiffany instead?" he asks, pointing out the Tiffany blue store just a few doors down. "No! I mean no, it's just that this is all so expensive I feel like I could get away with wearing something a lot less pricey than this" I say, trying to explain my way out of adding another dollar to what I assume is the already exorbitant total. 
"Like I said, James wants the best for you and I'm sure your mother is going to enjoy looking at the pieces you've gotten as well" he says placing a hand on my lower back and guiding me in again were we're met with an overwhelming amount of silver and gold and everything in between all enclosed in glass cases. 
"I think these would be perfect thank you" Jungkook says after we've agreed upon a set that would again match the dress but isn't too crazy flashy so it couldn't be used again.
"Are we all done?" I question, not being able to think of another thing that we could possibly need. "We just need to make one more stop" he says and I nod my head, going with the flow since against my best efforts I haven't been able to convince him to stop spending more and more money on me. 
"I thought we were done with the jewelry shopping" I say, as we walk towards the Tiffany store he had mentioned before. "James wanted to get you one last thing as some sort of a thank you for being a good sport and going through all of these lessons or something like that. Anyways he already ordered it so we just need to pick it up" he says and I nod my head, following him in.
Wandering around the store while he talks to the employee about said gift I find myself staring at one necklace in particular and being fascinated by it's simplistic yet elegant look. "Find something you like?" Jungkook whispers in my ear leaving me flinching and taking a step back bumping into him in the process. 
"Stop doing that" I groan and he laughs before leaning in and checking out the case trying to follow my line of sight. "Excuse me, can she try on this necklace?" Jungkook asks, calling the man over that he had spoken to earlier and he nods and makes his way behind to counter we're standing at.
"I was just looking" I try to deny him but he nevertheless nods when the man points to the silver necklace with the small teardrop shaped diamond pendant. He hands it to Jungkook and I look down at it in his hand and see that it looks even prettier up close. 
"You sure you don't wanna try it on?" he asks with a knowing smile and I give him a bashful one back before he nods his head towards the mirror sitting on the courter. I turn around to face it while moving my hair out of the way so he can put it on for me and I immediately fall in love with it.
 He watches my eyes light up in the reflection and nods to the salesman to ring us up for this one as well before even giving me a chance to refuse. I look at the necklace for a while longer, taking in how it looks at different angles and am shocked at how much a small little diamond like that could shine so bright and before I'm able to say a word to him about giving it back he's asking me if I'm ready to go. 
"Let me just give this back and I'll be right there" I say, reaching around my neck to take it off but he walks up and takes my hands down and shakes his head. 
"No, James already got me something from here. I couldn't possibly get another piece as well. I feel as if I'm taking advantage of his kindness" I say, feeling more and more guilty as I imagine how many zeros have been added to the total for this stupid ball. 
"You're not taking advantage of it I promise. Trust me, if anyone else in your position was given free reign to get whatever they thought they 'needed' for one event they probably would've maxed out the card before leaving the first store" he jokes and I smile at his efforts, still feeling incredibly guilty. 
"Okay" I mouth silently and he holds out his hand, leading me out of the store again.
"Jungkook" I call for his attention, curious about something. "Yes?" he answers, stopping so he can look at me properly while I speak to him. "Why have you been holding my hand so much today?" I ask him, leaving him loosening his hold but me tightening mine in response making his worried expression that was once there disappear. 
"I just thought it would be easier for you to follow me especially since it's been a bit crowded today. I didn't want to lose you" he says, looking down at our conjoined hands and smiling, seeing how I have no intention of letting go. 
"Well it's not crowded anymore" I say, looking around at the path we had once traveled. "Sorry I guess it was just a reflex of mine I did not mean to-" "It's fine. I was just teasing you" I say, squeezing his hand, switching roles and leading him to where his car is parked. 
"We're going home right?" I ask and without realizing it the simple words had made his heart flutter a bit leaving him clearing his throat before responding. "Yes, I assume your mother is waiting for you to come home for dinner so I'll go ahead and drop you off now if you'd like?" he asks, leaving it open ended as if he wanted to spend more time together. 
"Oh was there something else we had to do?" I ask, curious to see if he had something in mind. "No nothing, I just thought you might've wanted to get a coat or shall of some sort since the weather is still rather cold these days" he says, no doubt coming up with an excuse to cover up his motives. 
"Sure, I'd love that" I say, smiling up at him and notice how red the tips of his ears have gotten, making me even more happy I said yes to staying with him a while longer. 
He smiles in response and leads us to the first store he can think of that might have something I'd like and as we go through rack by rack we get to talking more casually and before we know it the stores are about to close.
"Let's get you home" he says walking us back to his car where he opens the door for me yet again before driving off.
~~~~~~  
"Thank you so much for all of your help today. I feel as though I would've been lost without you" I admit as we pull up to my house. "I am aware" he says, giving me a mischievous smile before getting out of the car to open the door for me again. 
"Hey! I was trying to be nice and then you go and act al-" "All what?" he teases, cutting me off as he helps me out of the car, leaning against it and trapping me, granting me little to no room to escape even if I tried. "All cocky" I say, lifting my chin up and being confident in my words, full well knowing I'm melting on the inside. 
"Is that so? I guess we've skipped the lesson of getting rid of that dirty little mouth of yours now haven't we?" he taunts, cocking a brow at me and it takes everything in me not to fall to my knees and suck him off right now. 
I nod my head and he tongues his cheek before glancing down at my lips and pushing off the car, giving me room to breathe only for a moment before pulling me into him, moving me out of the way so he can close the passenger door behind me. 
"Let's get you inside. It's past your bedtime Princess" he rasps in my ear before letting go of me and walking towards my house leaving me standing there speechless, leaving me standing there for a minute, trying to take in everything that just transpired. 
'Princess? Where does he get off calling me Princess and why the hell did it make me want him even more? I swear this man is trying to kill me' I think to myself before he calls after me telling me to hurry up. 
"Coming!" I say and mentally curse myself, 'Really? Out of all the things you could've said you said that?' and I can tell that Jungkook's thinking the same thing as he grants me with another cheeky smile before knocking on the front door. 
One of the maids answers the door and Jungkook asks her if there's someone who can get all the bags out of the car and she scurries off and grabs someone to do so. 
"Oh there you are! I thought you would've been back ages ago!" my mother says as she walks up to us, clearly more excited to see Jungkook than she is to see me. "She didn't give you any trouble did she?" she asks, giving me a once over before turning her attention back to him. 
"No, on the contrary she was itching to finish up sooner but I wanted to make sure we had everything she needed before bringing her home. It's been a pleasure spending time with her outside of the classroom and helping make sure she's more than ready for the ball" he says, merely glancing at my mother before looking back at me, my eyes going back and forth between the two of them, feeling shy under his gaze again. 
I swear he always does this right before he leaves because he likes to watch me squirm. What happened to the pure kind man that I had just been with today? Now suddenly replaced by the devilish tempter just daring me to make a move on him. 
After my mother has thanked him and tried to persuade him to come in for a while with him trying to refuse and I come to his aide and shoo my mother away.
"Mom I think I've taken up more than enough of his time today don't you? I'll walk you out" I say quickly, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out while he says his goodbyes to her. 
"You trying to get rid of me?" he teases, amused by my hurried solution to ending the conversation. "No I just figured there must be something better for you to do than deal with my mother and her antics" I say and he chuckles in response only stopping when I've finished dragging him all the way to the driver's side of his car. 
"Thank you for everything today, really" I say looking down at the gravel under our feet, holding my breath and waiting for that cocky response again but it never comes. "It was truly a pleasure I assure you of that" he says, hooking a finger under my chin to bring my eyes up to him. 
My eyes dart back and forth between his and he leans in again just as he did last night this time giving me an almost featherlight kiss, hardly anything more than brushing his lips against mine, making my breath hitch, frozen and spellbound by his touch. 
"Goodnight Princess" he says against my lips, still barely there but enough to feel his touch as his breath warms my lips, feeling frozen once he's pulled away and sat down in his car. 
"G-goodnight Mr. Jeon" I let out, barely able to break free from the mental hold he has on me making him chuckle at my reaction before giving me once last glance. Dragging his eyes up and down my form before pulling out of the driveway, leaving me feeling utterly naked under his heated gaze.
As I walk back up I see my mother scurrying down the hallway, no doubt trying to hide the fact that she had been spying on us but I wouldn't expect anything less from her. 
No matter how much she tries to hide it at the end of the day she's really just a busybody that loves to gossip but I've grown tired of it. Not even bothering to care if she sees. With the way Jungkook and I have been playing this push and pull for a while it'll only be a matter of time before we end up together. 
Or at least I hope we do...  
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I believe brittney doesn't deserve the unrecognization but i want to see relationship hcs about her. Mc/Reader is stoic and stern but can be sweet to her, A type of relationship where brittney is somehow different around Mc (Stealing glances, daily ranting to mc, i just like to think sweet things being happen)
A Gyaru's Rhapsody (Brittney x Stoic and Stern! MC/Reader - Relationship HCs)
Anon, I hope you enjoy, had fun writing for Brit, and I hope you lot enjoy reading it! (“⌒∇⌒”)
Also I do agree she is underrated AF. >:(
Also dw y'all Jess loved Brit as a bsf for life in this. <3
- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer
Rhapsody: an effusively enthusiastic or ecstatic expression of feeling.
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You were notorious for being cold and distant.
Hell, even Geo had deemed you icy.
Across the school people had learnt to simply not interact with you, because dear gods above did you master your intimidating death-stares.
Alas, the sole person whom you genuinely got along with, to everyone's surprise?
Brittney-fucking-Claire.
People were astonished, hell, she was astonished when you and her became friends (by your wish).
Usually she's the one who made the rules, who led the charges.
But she doesn't mind.
She personally thought you were intriguing, your personality was that of Geo's and Jess's smushed together, so Brit was shook when you went out of your way to talk to her.
After a while you join the group, becoming somewhat good friends with Crowe, Jess and Deryl while getting a lot closer to Brittney.
She didn't know why, but she felt a strange sense of security around you, she felt safe.
Unjudged.
Free to say how she felt.
You warming up to her - for reasons she still couldn't figure out - along with you being so oddly nice to her made her feel strange.
Eventually she decides it's not a facade and fully accepts your friendship.
Will start splurging all her gossip to you, you want dirt? Tea? Juicy deets? She's got it all.
Starts sharing her skincare routine with you (only shared this info with Jess so you better keep it secret pookie).
Soon enough you and her start going to facials and hair salons together, then do manicures and pedicures, then each other's homes.
Essentially you worm your way into her heart, and she's worried.
She'd not felt this strongly for someone in a long fucking time.
But...you'd proven to her repeatedly by this stage you were trustworthy...that you genuinely cared about her.
It slowly creeps up on her, the realisation that she's fallen for you, hell she didn't even crush on you, she fucking fell so hard she doesn't wanna get up.
She'll ask Crowe for information about you, and then advice.
He becomes a wingman frfr
Crowe will have to drop hints for you to confess, so when you finally do (btw congrats Anons, doing that shit sounds hard), Brittney just nods briskly. "Brit...I. Like. You." "Yeah, I like myself too." (liar) "Romantically. I...wanna be with you. Genuin-" "Yes."
When you both start dating, Brittney would have already been comfortable with you to the stage of being able to talk about literally anything (y'all love shittalking the nastier girls at Olympieus)
Also defends you from bullies, and will protect you if she deems it necessary (she always will, any excuse to hit those girls is a good one)
However, she becomes much more possessive.
Not to an extent where she'll restrain you.
She will simply fight anyone who dares try and steal you from her (spoiler alert, she wins)
When one of you is sad, you have an unspoken ritual to grab vodka, go to the others' house and rant, ramble and rave on about your problems.
Banger form of therapy.
Brit will also help you study if you need it, she's willing to take notes for you, hell, even tutor you if absolutely needed.
Will also give you #girlboss treatment
You both go out looking badass.
And you have the most fun ever. In short, you're both devoted to each other. And you're both more than happy to keep it that way.
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daenysx · 1 year
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Just one of those days when you feel ugly and you feel like you cant do anything about it but just cry. Aemond just loving on reader having one of these days
💓💓💓
thank you for this request, angel! i've been having these kind of days more often recently, it feels too relatable so it took less time to write. i hope you like this!
send me your requests for drabbles
you stand in front of the mirror in the bedroom, carefully inspect the image you see. your eyes move to look at your face clearly, your head leans into the mirror to see better. you look at your body, your hands on your waist as you frown and close your eyes with an exhausted exhale.
"i made us coffee, aren't you-" you hear aemond's voice, then his footsteps. "baby, what are you doing?" he asks, standing by the door.
you shake your head as if the action will help you get rid of your fresh tears. "nothing. nothing, i'll be there in a second."
aemond lifts an eyebrow, worried over the tone of your voice. you turn your back to him, your hands cover your eyes with a harsh movement. he steps into the room, holding you from behind as he tries to understand what happened.
"aemond, please. i'm fine, okay? nothing happened."
his hand holds yours as he tries to keep you from hurting yourself with your stiff fingers. "you're trying to stop yourself from crying, sweetheart. i'm sorry but this doesn't seem fine to me."
a quiet sob from you makes his heart clench with worry. he holds your body, tries to help you with your balance as you cry. "would you like to tell me why?" he asks with a gentle voice.
you point the mirror. "that's why." your voice comes out muffled and sad.
"i don't get it, baby, what's wrong with the mirror?"
you shake your head. "not the mirror. me. the way i look."
the puzzle pieces in his head become complete. he knows you feel uncomfortable about yourself once in a while. maybe something triggered the idea, maybe you made yourself think worse about the way you look. he takes a deep breath.
"you know, you don't have to try to comfort me. i can already see the truths. i'll feel better eventually, i know that too. it's not like i can do anything to change myself." you say.
he smiles, cups your cheeks with his hands to have an eye contact. "i just wish you could see yourself from my eyes."
"i'm not expecting you to have an objective opinion, aemond. it's just- the way i see myself. i don't like what i see."
he nods. "i can understand that, but there's no way for me to understand how you make yourself believe you look somehow bad."
you point the mirror again. "because it's right there! look at my eyes and how tired i look. i always look tired even when i sleep okay, i don't know how to fix my eyes. look at my posture, i just can't-"
aemond listens you rambling about yourself, every little flaw you see on the mirror. every little thing that makes you feel like you don't worth it. he lets you talk about them, never interrupts your thoughts. that's the hardest thing he does when your voice becomes shaky as you talk about yourself.
you keep telling him for minutes, the coffee he made for you long forgotten. you talk about everything, detailing every thought.
"is there anything else you want to tell me, hmm?" he asks when you stay silent.
you shrug. "i hope not, i already feel terrible."
he holds your hand and leads you to bed. he sits and pulls you on his lap, you try to settle down, feeling tired from your outburst.
he doesn't let go of your hand, kisses the back of it with affection. "do you want to hear my honest opinion?"
you nod. "please."
"i hate how unfair you are when you talk about yourself. i hate how you always focus on the good side of everyone else, but never the good things about yourself. i hate how you can manage to talk so low of what i love, what i admire everyday."
"aemond-"
"i'm not finished, sweetheart. i know it's hard to believe for you, because you've never seen yourself like i've seen you. i know you don't ever give yourself credit for your accomplishments. i know how you always crave the best, the most perfect. i just hate how you act so blind, so careless, so simple when it comes to yourself."
you bury your face to his neck. he keeps talking. "it's so easy for you to give your friends compliments, right? it's not hard when you say the most beautiful things to me, because you feel like it. you see the best of people, the best of me even in the times when i feel like i don't deserve it. you see me as someone worthy of your pretty words because that's how you perceive people. i just wish you'd do the same for yourself."
"it's not easy." you say. "i want to feel better about myself, but it's not easy."
he nods, his one hand holding yours as you play with his fingers and his other rubbing your back. "i know, baby. i also know you can do anything you want to. you are not alone in this. you'll never be alone in this."
"how can you promise? how can you be so certain?"
he smiles. "you don't believe me when i say i know my girl? i know you, i love you." he kisses your lips. "i love you."
"i love you, too."
he kisses you again. "you can have bad days. it can happen, there's nothing unusual about that. i just need you to be kind to yourself. hmm?"
you nod. "i can try."
another kiss on your forehead. "everything you just told me, everything you see as a flaw- they are just the things i love most about you, the things that make you special. i fall in love with every one of them, i admire them, i consider myself lucky because i can see them everyday."
he kisses you again as you hold his hand in yours like your life depends on it. "will you-will you help me feel better? i don't want to feel like this- i hate feeling like this." you say.
"of course i'll help you, sweetheart. i can't let my girl think badly of herself. you deserve the world. you are my world."
you feel a lot better and calmer as he talks to you with a soft, convincing voice. he rubs your back with a gentle hand, he lets you play with the rings on his fingers, he presses his lips on your earlobe and your neck.
"would you like to have a cup of coffee now? we can watch a movie, too."
you nod. "sounds good."
he never lets you go for the rest of the day, never lets you get in front of the mirror again, never lets go of your hand. he never lets you doubt yourself, he is always there with his lovely distractions and sweet words.
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Skelles with a partner with ADHD
imagine, s/o wonders if they forgot something and realizes they're shaking, and then says "oh that's right, I forgot to eat". I think this scenario with Oak would be interesting, I imagine them talking and they say "what were we talking about?" and Oak "I don't remember either"
This post is for all my ADHD pals (myself included). Some of these might or might have not happened in real life lol.
Undertale Sans - That's the second time you come back home because you forgot something. He's waiting just behind the door with all your missing things and puts them in your arms. He's so used to it with Papyrus than it's quite normal.
Undertale Papyrus - How are you surviving. You were going to go to the grocery store when you both saw flashing pretty colours on a shop facade. That's ten minutes you're just staring at the pretty colours now, hypnotized. By the time you finally get tired of this, you completely forgot what you were doing, it's dark outside and all the shops are closed. Well, shit. Guess you're eating in a restaurant outside because the fridge is empty.
Underswap Sans - You were driving and got distracted, and now you're both somehow in the middle of a random forest with no idea where you're supposed to go. Blue is slowly losing in mind, and eventually, he can't take it anymore. He bursts the door open and starts running at full speed in the forest, just screaming, to calm down. You try to follow him, but then you can't find the road back to the car and decided to just sit on a rock and wait :')
Underswap Papyrus - That's the third time he whines now. Like a puppy. You're focus on a video game for three hours now. He's invisible now. Not only it's his video game in the first place but now he wants attention :( Please? Just a pet? :( He's sad boy.
Underfell Sans - He asked you three times if you had your keys before driving to your vacation place for three hours. In front of the house you rent, you start to pat your pockets, more and more distressed. Red stares at you. You smile apologetically at him. He takes a deep breath and walks behind the house. Then screams and throws bones into the wall. Before coming back, calm, down and telling you they're going back to fetch the keys.
Underfell Papyrus - He flicks you behind the head every time you lose focus. You said you would do your taxes and not let you get distracted. He's taking his role very seriously. He's just standing behind you, arms crossed. You can feel his breath on your neck. Do. Your. Taxes.
Horrortale Sans - So he followed you, not realizing you had no idea where you were going. Since you thought he knew where you two were supposed to go. It takes an hour and three times to pass in front of the same shop for Oak to ask where you're going. And you, just blinking back, saying you thought he knew where you were going. Awkward silence. After a while, you decide to call Willow to ask him where you two are supposed to go...
Horrortale Papyrus - You absolutely wanted to paint and nothing else, so Willow struggled to buy you art stuff in the shortest time. As soon as he gets home, you blink at him and just say "Oh I changed my mind, I like to draw now." Willow takes a deep breath, then turns around. FINE. If you won't have your painting hyperfocus now, he will because it was damn expensive and it's not going to waste.
Swapfell Sans - He's tired of watching you rambling and pacing so he just makes your soul blue and suddenly change your gravity. You fall on your stomach like a dying whale and can't move from the ground now. Nox sighs with relief. You're stressing him out, he needs a break.
Swapfell Papyrus - That's three times he calls you to eat. He grabs your book, climbs a chair, sticks it to the ceiling with super glue, and says you can have it again only after you come and eat. You obey, grumbling. You're not even hungry. You make two steps and collapse because you have actually no energy. Ah.
Fellswap Gold Sans - You keep moving in bed, randomly kicking him in your sleep as you can't keep your legs still. After one too many kicks, he hisses and bites your leg with all he has, which for sure wakes you up. Wine huffs and goes back to sleep like nothing happened. You're too in shock to even proceed what just happened.
Fellswap Gold Papyrus - You're fighting to know who has the less anxiety today to move your ass from the couch and go to the grocery store. None of you is ready to move and procrastinate the best you can so the other goes. Coffee tried to yeet you out with his magic but you held on to him and it didn't work. Now you're having a stare battle. You sure you will win.
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starryalpacasstuff · 7 months
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Indian BL? FROM 2017????
There's an Indian BL from 2017 that I just watched. And I have incoherent thoughts
Before I continue, massive thanks to my bestie @anixknowsnothin for telling me about this show and proofreading the post for me. You don't even watch bl so I have no idea how you found this, but I'm incredibly grateful nonetheless
Here's the link to where I watched the show from, there's a glitch in the first episode subs where the subs seem to be from another show entirely, but it's only for the first ep and about 50% of the dialogue is in English anyways, so it shouldn't be hard to follow.(My ask box is also always open if there's a specific dialogue/scene in Hindi that you want the translation of)
Edit: The link seems to be region locked, so to watch it you can use a vpn and set your region to India, otherwise the episodes are available on youtube, albeit without subs
Note:- this post is going to have a few mild spoilers throughout, but I'll flag major spoilers in red
It's no secret that India is fairly behind when it comes to queer love shows if we compare it to other Asian countries. While it has a handful of great queer shows and movies, it's still quite a small quantity. Additionally, before this, I'd never watched an Indian show that felt like I was watching a bl (if you have recs, please send them my way!!). I'm not going to get into the technicalities of what feels like a bl and doesn't, because honestly, I'm not completely sure myself. For now, I'm just going based off of vibes and feelings, and this show felt like a bl through and through.
Titled 'Romil and Jugal' after its main characters, the story is a modern, desi, bl remake of the classic story...
Romeo and Juliet
Well, Bad Buddy was the first Thai bl I ever watched, so Romil and Jugal being the first Indian BL I watched just feels right, no?
I didn't actually know that the story was based off of Romeo and Juliet till the second episode, because I didn't bother looking for a synopsis, and jumped right in. However, it's links to Romeo and Juliet quickly became apparent, around the same time I started to see similarities between this show and Bad Buddy. I also did not know that this show came out in 2017 before I googled it, having already watched the entire thing, which was a pretty huge shock, because this BL is progressive by 2024 India standards.
Alright, enough of my rambling. Here's a synopsis of the show in case you haven't heard of it. (I couldn't find an official one, so I did my best to write a spoiler free synopsis)
Ramya happens to start talking to a slightly older woman at an airport, who believes that there is no romance in the younger generation. To prove her wrong, Ramya decides to tell the older woman her brother's love story. The story from the past is shown to us as Ramya narrates it to the woman in the present. Jugal is a closeted 19-year-old who lives with his parents. One day, a family moves into the house next door, and Jugal immediately falls for the son, Romil. The two of them attend the same college, and eventually become friends. The two of them eventually get together, but have to face the challenges of a homophobic society and having parents that hate each other.
I was a little skeptical of the show going in, but the show surpassed all of my expectations in the best way possible. It's no masterpiece, and it has its flaws, but it was far better than what I expected. It had both comical elements and darker themes, and it did not shy away from exploring the darker themes at all. Oh, and it has a few musical numbers. What did you expect? This is India after all.
The show is 10 episodes long, with 20 minutes per episode, and so it does unfortunately fall into some of the pitfalls that shorter shows tend to fall into, namely underdeveloped relationships and rushed endings. I did end up feeling a little bit like it didn't make sense for the pair to sacrifice and suffer as much as they did because they hadn't known each other for very long, and I felt like they should have been given more time to fall in love with each other. But it also could be argued that the show stays true to the play, and Romil and Jugal are dumb teenagers who make mistakes and stick with each other through them. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it.
One thing that I loved the show for was that it showed us that the relationship is not all sunshine and rainbows. They argue, they break up, they get back together, and they do argue even after that. But every time, they eventually work through the issue and reconcile. The show even depicts Romil dealing with internalized homophobia and struggling to reconcile with the fact that he will never be who his family wants him to be. Although I do wish they'd have had more time to explore this, I'd say it was decently depicted and handled. The show really delves into how children are forced to uphold their family's wishes and are constantly put under pressure to make them proud. Although it clearly affects both of them, it's more obvious with Romil, who is expected by his family to date and marry the daughter of his father's boss, whom they think he is dating. There's a metaphor along this theme too, where Romil pretends to like the mango shake that his mom has been making for him since he was a kid, even though he hates it, and when he tries to tell her, he has to act like it was a joke to spare her feelings. The show also goes into the communal mindset of basing your actions off "what will people think?", and you can see how a lot of the characters' actions throughout the show are haunted by this question. Some of Romil and Jugal's earlier disagreements are due to this very mindset.
The show also very candidly depicts the extreme homophobia of society in India. Romil and Jugal had to constantly hide who they were, always having to keep up a mask and I felt that reach somewhere deep inside me. When the pair come out, the show really shows how ugly homophobia can be in India. Their parents immediately disown them. They're mocked in college and wrongfully suspended for a fight that was provoked by other students. Very, very few people stand with them, and the pair very quickly realize that now that they are out, they simply cannot live in the city anymore. So with the help of Jugal's best friend and her mother, they flee to Mumbai, where they get jobs and live as paying guests with a friend of the aforementioned mother. But, even in Mumbai, the masks stay up. They have to act like cousins, for fear of being persecuted. The series depicted the worst-case scenario that so many of us live in fear of, so watching it was something of a cathartic experience for me.
Another thing that the show did quite well is showing how different people and their mindsets can be. Jugal's best friend, Ahalya, and her mom are very supportive, and they help the pair out quite a bit. Ahalya's mother provided a safe house for the pair and helped them find a fresh start. Meanwhile, Romil and Jugal's parents are incredibly homophobic. There was a scene that really stuck with me, (mild spoiler ahead, skip to the last sentence of the paragraph) where Ahalya's mother came across Jugal's mother, who prided herself on being educated and well-read, searching up how to cure homosexuality. Ahalya's mother then tells her off for calling herself educated yet believing that homosexuality is an illness. It is so important to me that the show depicted both the violent homophobia that permeates Indian society and the surprising, warm acceptance that one can find.
One final thing that I loved about this show so, so much is just how authentically Indian it feels. Asian cultures share a lot in common, but they also have their differences, so seeing a show where I can imagine encountering the characters in real life is really amazing. Rather than something big, it was little things sprinkled throughout the story that warmed my heart. The story felt like something I could hear the local aunties gossiping about. The way it depicts queerness in India hits incredibly close to home.
One thing I've learned watching Asian bls is that the ending of a show can make it or break it, but with this one, I'm stuck. The best way I can describe the ending is absolutely insane and incredibly Bollywood.
I believe this show was supposed to get a second season because the last two minutes of the show leave us with a massive cliffhanger. Now, it's been 7 years, so a second season is unlikely, so I'm simply pretending that the last two minutes of the show never happened. But the ending has so much more to it than just this (Major spoilers for the ending up ahead. I mean it when I say major, this is like going into Bad Buddy knowing that they're going to trick their parents in the end).
About halfway through the show, I remembered what play it was based upon and realized that there was a very real possibility that Romil and Jugal would die. The first half of the last episode leads up to this, telling us that they died when reconciling after an argument in the middle of the road when they were hit by a truck. We get a super emotional scene (yes, I cried) where the two families somewhat reconcile in their grief as they go to the police station to identify the bodies. Except... they're not dead, which is revealed when Romil's father hugs Romil's (not) dead body. They reveal that they planned this to show their family that they still loved their sons. I did say it was like PatPran tricking their parents in the end, didn't I? So the families reunite, Romil and Jugal get jobs in New Zealand and get married, and return to India for a wedding celebration (yes, I cried. again). The ending does feel slightly rushed, but if I'm being honest, it wasn't as terrible as it could have been. Believing that your child is dead for a bit is a somewhat justifiable reason for a sudden change of heart. There's a part where Romil and Jugal tell their parents that if they choose acceptance, they can reconcile, but if they choose to remain prejudiced, Romil and Jugal can simply get back on the stretchers, because they'll be as good as dead to their families anyways and it is *chef's kiss*.
All in all, the show was surprisingly heartfelt and poignant. It had me laughing, kicking my feet and even crying. There's a lot more about this show that I could talk about, but I'm going to stop here for now, and I'll try to write more on it later. This show really does deserve more recognition than it has, and I'm almost mad at myself for not knowing about it before. Am I being really biased when talking about this show? Absolutely. But I do think that this show is a worthwhile watch, and I'd really like to see what other people on here think of the show, especially because I'm aware that I am biased towards this show.
I'm tagging a few people who I know might be interested/have some thoughts about the show because this is a show that I really want to hear other people's opinions on and have conversations about, so I hope you guys don't mind!
@waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @bengiyo @neuroticbookworm
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clownetomb · 9 months
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♡ "My Angel.." ♡
♡ Buggy x Fem!Reader ♡
♡ ~10k words ♡
! Warning: Drunken arguing, yelling, overall angst !
Buggy sat at a table at the bar with his crew, eating lots of food and drinking alcohol by the mug. You, Buggy’s wife and the mime in his circus, sit at the table, as Buggy talks about his adventures with his crew. You watch and listen in as he drunkenly rambles to his crew, a drunken blush painting his cheeks.
He finished eating his food, letting out a big burp as he did so.
"Well, you see, lads, that's exactly what happened when we went and fought that evil warlord on the Grand Line! And, well-  we did it easily, too. We defeated his entire crew all by ourselves. And, well- I defeated him in a one-on-one duel with my bare hands and feet. Yeah! That's how it went down!" You giggle at his grossness and listen to his story that was clearly exaggerated for shock value. He smirked and burped again. "And then, after wiping the floor with that punk of a leader, I went on and defeated every single one of his followers all by myself. Just one-on-one combat against all of them. So it's true, lads. I am the fastest and strongest man the Grand Line has ever seen! Ha!” You stifle a laugh and roll your eyes at your husband's antics. He began laughing as well, drunkenly as he continued his story. "And then, I did what any self-respecting man like myself, would do after defeating all those tough opponents! I, uh... I took the beautiful, young lady they had as their captive, and we had a night we would both never forget” That comment caught your attention as you finally joined the conversation: “Good lord, for the last time I wasn't a captive!” You say laughing, rolling your eyes. He laughed. "Hehe, oh, that's right... that's right. But the part about how we had an amazing night after is true, right? Heh. Hehe...." You pause, thinking. “Yeah Yeah, sure we did.” "Heh, you know it, my little angel! What a night that was, right? Eh?" Buggy said drunkenly laughing again. “...” You remained silent, blushing a bit at his oversharing habits. "Oh come on now, honey! Don't you want people to know just how amazing we had it that night? Hehe..." “You're so gross…” you say, quietly laughing and looking away. "Hehehe - hic - I know I am, but I'm *your* gross husband, aren't I?"
“I guess you are..” You roll your eyes and laugh. "And I suppose you’re my gross, and rather annoying wife, eh?" He says teasingly as he laughs again. “Wooooow.. I see how it is Cap'. I guess you won't get any physicality from me tonight.” You say sarcastically teasing him.
Buggy laughed and pretended to pout. "Oh nooo.. What would I do without my little wife's cuddles on a night like this? Eh? What a tragedy....." You thought of another teasing comment, but you didn’t realize where it would take the night. “I mean I wouldn't be shocked if you didn't care. I've heard tales of you being a manwhore.”Buggy's drunken face instantly looked angry, and he narrowed his eyes and pointed at you as if he were looking for a fight.
"Hey, watch what you're saying, lady! That's just false rumors started by my enemies because I am such a great pirate. A manwhore?? Yeah right. I only have eyes for you, my little angel, haha... Heh...." You roll your eyes teasingly, letting out a sarcastic “Mhmmmm.” His face softened and he laughed. "Hehe, yeah... yeah, you're right, honey. I would never lay eyes on another woman other than you. Even if I was out and about searching for treasure and I came across a gorgeous, young woman who looked absolutely delicious...." Your eyes widen as you begin to overthink about his comment. Throughout the night, he continues to make “jokes” about finding another prettier woman on his voyages. Eventually, you sigh, getting up from the table begin to walk away looking slightly panicked and hurt. Buggy suddenly stood up from his seat and came up behind you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and laughed as he spoke again. "Hehe, why you…! Are you jealous? Heh, why would you be jealous over my eyes for another woman, hmm? You know I would never have my eyes on anyone other than you, right? Heh..." You yank away and keep walking, ignoring him. He followed after you, holding your arm tightly as he began talking again and laughing in an annoying manner. "Oooo, oooo... you're so upset! That's hilarious! You're jealous, aren't you? Well, don't worry about it. I just want to tease you a little bit. But, rest assured. I could never love anyone as much as I love you, little angel...." The drunk clown didn’t realize that his comment earlier had heavily impacted you. You let out a quiet, “Don't touch me.” as you pause in your tracks, saying sternly. Buggy scoffs and laughs drunkenly as he pulls you into an embrace and holds you tightly against him. "Ooh, are you getting so angry at me that you don't want me to touch you? Hehe, but... why? I'm just trying to flirt with my wife. Is she getting jealous at the possibility of another woman stealing my eyes away from her?” You push him off, refusing to turn around to face him. “Don't. Touch me.” You said slightly louder as you began to briskly begin walking away. Buggy follows behind you.
"Hehe, why not? Are my husbandly gestures too much for you, little angel? Perhaps I am getting a little too affectionate, aren't I? Heh.... hmph.. I'll just go back to my buddies then. They'll appreciate me better than you do..." You sigh, losing your patience. “Cool. I really don't give a shit. I'm sleeping on the balcony tonight. Sleep by yourself, or the other women you claim to have.” Buggy scoffs, pretending to look hurt by your words as he sighs. "Oh... Oh, is this how it's gonna be? After all the lovely words I've said to you just now and you're gonna reject me like that? Heh, well fine. You can go sleep on the balcony. I don't care. I'll just find someone else that may appreciate me better..." You snap. “You know what” You grab your bag and look at him. “I'm going home.” Because the ship is stopped somewhere on land, you begin to walk towards the exit of the ship. Buggy's face turned red and he looked pissed. "What?! Do you think that bothers me or something?! Why would I care if you go home, huh? There are plenty of other girls that would love to see me and my amazing self! Yeah..." He took a step towards you and smirked. "But you wouldn't wanna be missing out on all the fun activities I have planned for the rest of the time on land.. Right?” You start to become blinded by your rage. “This! This is my fucking reason, Buggy! I can't do this shit with you anymore. You never fucking care cause you "never do any wrong". Go find another fucking woman 'cause I quit,” and you walk off the ship. As you walk away, tears form in your eyes from the pent-up emotion being held in. Buggy froze where he was standing. His breath hitched as he took a couple of deep breaths, and he stood there for a moment, processing what had just happened. Then, in a drunken and angry rage, he burst out laughing and followed behind you. "Haha... Haha - you don't really think you can leave me without me coming for you, right? My baby... my little angel... where are you going?"
“I'm not yours anymore.” You said stoicly. “‘There's plenty of other girls that would love to see me and my amazing self’ is what you said, right? ...Go fuck yourself, clown.” Buggy suddenly grew upset and enraged, and he rushed up to you to grab you as he began yelling at you. "You can't just leave me like this! You hear me!? I don't care what we've been through! I'm still your husband and you're still my wife! We're married and we're gonna make a family together! Remember..?" You ignore him, not moving from the spot you’re standing. His grip on your arm tightened as he spoke again, with more fury and anger in his voice. "So you're just going to abandon me like this!? After all we've been through together?! What about all the years we've been together and all the adventures we've shared?? I've given everything for this ship and for you and for our crew, and you just abandon me like this and you don't even care at all?!" “I DON'T FUCKING CARE? YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD FIND ANOTHER GIRL ‘BETTER THAN ME’ AS SOON AS I STOOD UP FOR MYSELF.” you yelled back as the situation became more intense and heated. "WELL, THAT WAS JUST A BLUFF! I DIDN'T MEAN IT, OKAY?! I ONLY SAID THAT TO GET A RUSH OUT OF YOU! I WOULD NEVER REPLACE MY LITTLE ANGEL FOR ANYONE ELSE!" You finally turn around to meet eyes with him, your eyes full of tears and your face makeup running down your cheeks. “..Well, you still said it.” Buggy looked back and saw your beautiful, tear-streaked face, and he couldn't help but feel some empathy for you in this moment. His expression softened as he suddenly realized how much he hurt you. "I'm... I know you're right. I did say that... but, honey.. baby.. just know that I would never, ever, replace you for another woman. You will always be my beloved angel. You drop to your knees and start to sob. “I don't want to leave.” you sobbed out. The drunkenness and anger left him as he saw how much you were sobbing. Buggy immediately dropped to his knees next to you as he moved his arm around you, holding you tightly against him, and put his forehead against yours.. "Shhh... It's okay, baby. I'm here. I'm here. I'm sorry for everything. I- ... I'm sorry for what I said.. I just spoke out of anger. Please, just shh... please, angel.." As you process his words, you mutter out “I want to forgive you.. but I shouldn't. I can't.” "But... I'm really sorry! I'll never say I don't love you again! I swear! I'll stop being such a drunk. I'll stop letting the alcohol control me like this! I promise! And- and I will change my flirtatious ways, too. Please, I'll change! I promise you! Just... Just don't leave me... I don't want to live without you... I can't stand this life without you... who'll brush my hair? Or.. Or make me brush my teeth? Or nag me to clean my cabin? Or.. love me?” You sigh. “Buggy..” He rubbed your back as he felt your heartbeat calm down, and he sighed warmly.
"Hmm... I don't know what I'd do without my little angel. Come on, let's go back to the cabin, and I'll give you a proper apology. Yeah? I'll be fully sober in the morning, I promise..." You decide that maybe.. He deserves one more chance. “..Alright.” You say, letting out a sigh, standing up and looking up to the taller man. Buggy also stood up and wrapped his arm around you as he began guiding you up the stairs and back inside the ship. "See? All better now. I'll never let anything happen to you. I won't let anything get between us ever again. I love you, my angel."
..”I love you too, Captain.”
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kuuverse · 6 months
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WHEN DESIRING HURTS TOO MUCH - SO YOU ARE LEFT WITH NO CHOICE BUT TO FULFIL UNCONDITIONALLY
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I can’t remember the exact quote, and to be frankly honest, I’m too lazy to search it up. But it was Neville who said something along the lines of if you’re hungry enough you’ll fulfil yourself and get what you want. Something along the general gist of that.
You see, I think I’ve realised that dwelling in desire is ‘comforting’. Sure it may not be so, but if the alternative is fulfilling one’s self without conditions or reason being imposed on us, is that really more comfortable than staying in a state we’ve grown all too familiar with?
But eventually the states we wander in, those filled with lack and desire, wanting more but never getting so- the ‘What ifs?’ and the alternative of just staying put in where you are— starts to hurt even more. Then it’s like your soul is being crushed down by the weight of never changing, never experiencing what you want that it hurts too much to not change. When you’ve fallen to the bottom of feeling all this hurt and desire that you can’t hurt and desire anymore- you can only fulfil from here on.
I’d like to talk about a story that happened to me quite recently. I lost my expensive iPad pencil on my school bus. I was terrified, I wanted to draw and now I couldn’t- and I have strict parents who used to as of now, punish me for everything I did wrong, however small, however big. I was filled with these terrifying thoughts of how I’d face my parents, how I’d deal with the loss and it all crushed me so badly I just stopped feeling all the hurt and went, very calmly- “I have my iPad pencil with me.”
It was a simple statement, but I said it with such certainty and conviction there wasn’t any panic left in my body- because there was no panic left for me to be felt. I’d simply accepted that I had my iPad pencil, because the alternative state of lack had grown too uncomfortable to stay in. Then, like magic- my body was gently guided to where my iPad pencil was, and I was reunited with it.
In that moment when my minds already cycled through the state of lack and realising how awful it was, my hunger for better led me no choice but to move states into something better. I fell into myself instead of imposing reason because I was so desperate for an alternative. I couldn’t bear to let myself accept what had just happened, I had to change it, and it had become clear that staying put was infinitely more uncomfortable than changing states.
I think eventually for some of us, we’ll all get to this state where staying put hurts more than finally fulfilling ourselves immediately instead of just hoping for change. Of course it doesn’t take something bad to happen for you to give yourself something good. But as I’ve noticed in a lot of this community and myself, we’ve grown too comfortable in hope and desire. Perhaps for some of us, in order to finally change, we needed to be forced to.
Anyways, thanks for being here to read my rambles. Maybe they opened something up for you!
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