#THAT is what transphobia is. like some people seem to think it's just... a small little annoyance at people who happen to be trans...

[smiley-positivity-potato]

before i transitioned i remember people would say sometimes i behaved like a boy. i could tell they meant to say it in a way that they thought would discourage my boyish behavior; while encouraging my "improvement" with my journey into womanhood- but it had the opposite effect.

i remember the days i didn't get to choose the clothes i wanted to wear as a girl because of a "man's glance"; yet i couldn't tell them about my own want to cover myself so NO ONE could glance at me. no one but MYSELF. for the only boy's glance i really understood was my own.

i remember the jealousy and envy i would feel for the boys in my class after the janitor would bring them back during Math. They had just helped as volunteers to carry some boxes to the dumpster. and i had raised my hand; but i wasn't allowed to help. because even though the janitor enjoyed me as a model student, i was still just a "girl". and even with us all being the same size, we weren't labelled the same. even in elementary.

i remember trying to hang out with the boys in my highschool after realizing most of the girls didn't like me in elementary. i stood out and didn't want to be in a clique back then, so i decided to try something different. i didn't want to do makeup, dances or play much with dolls as a child. i just wasn't interested. and even in my teens, i still didn't enjoy it all very much. i didn't like most boys and girls back then. i just was going through so much. and being autistic made it harder to understand how to fit in with everyone when i didn't feel like them. so i didn't truly have friends of all genders until middle school and high school.

but even as i hung out with the boys, i still was seen as a "girl". i was small, with a high voice and a lot of energy. i had an undercut, baggy clothes and a lazy way of dressing but the days i would wear a tight shirt everyone would become different. and i didn't know until it was over. i was petite and very short. my tiny stature made people think i was just a delicate girl but luckily i had a loud and aggressive personality. but i later learned, boys AND girls started to like me because i seemed like an "aggressive girl".

i realized in my adulthood, when i look back, that i still stood out, no matter what I did. and i realize the boys i hung out with held back conversations most boys usually had. because i was still different; even though i liked girls, and didn't dress like them, unless forced. i didn't dress like a girl unless i had to for my parents and for safety. and even though i was experimenting with my gender at the time, people just thought of me as a "girl" no matter what. and i couldn't hide it.

i realize the girls accepted me once i started looking attractive and stylish to them- due to my mother's attempts at making me look like a "girl" and my own individuality. it was rare i actually found true friends. except for two people in my life from school, no one lasted. and it was confusing to try to learn how to be a "girl" when I was not. i was a non-binary transmasc man. i am a trans man.

and all my life, my family and people around me viewed me as a "girl" and tried to take the "boy" outta me. but they failed. and they always will. but back then, their glances would make me so anxious that i would eventually just stare down at my feet in public. the forced feminization that i had to endure, was suffocating. and i wondered to myself would i ever be happy. but finally, FINALLY, one day i was able to say i am a man and i started living my life. and i can see that them forcing their version of womanhood on me just guided me to my true path. they didn't discourage me from being a man.

they just helped me realize, i was MY biggest hero and that i needed to encourage MYSELF TO BE STRONG. for i made it through years and years of discouragement, transphobia and misogyny alone. and if i can prove them WRONG, i as a man, can be happy with that alone.

[uncanny-tranny]

Don't be afraid of being the trans person who's "the reason transphobia exists." It's genuinely so infuriating how people weaponize the existence transphobia to accuse people (even facetiously/as a joke!) of being the genesis of it.

[devilishdelights]

Just a vent in the tags 😭😭 sorry

[sooniebby]

Pleek danny i am begging for dilf nanamin who cant so much as make small talk with Ijichi's son reader without wanting to grab the reader and bend him over the nearest object,,,, huuhdhjdjsh for kinks,,,,,, sir kink, impact play, brat taming,,,, also ftm reader bcs yk <3

ఌ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎

꧁ 𝙆𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙭 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 ꧂

w.c. › 7.1k

Warnings › reader is kinda ditzy. But also unintentionally bratty and kinda crazy. Age difference, obvs. Plot… again—Femboy-ish reader in the fact some of his clothes are more feminine. Slight transphobia but nothing terrible, just two people who suck ass. Slow-ish slow burn like the Toji fic… also just start fucking randomly

Kinks › use of pussy/cunt/feminine terms, sir kink, impact play, brat taming. Reader is called good boy.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

“Excuse my son, I need to drive him to his performance.”

“Hiii~!”

You wave at the man who gets into your dad’s car. You didn’t know what type of job he did actually. He told you, ‘driver’ and that was it. So you never thought to actually question it. Though, seeing the people he usually drives… you’re starting to think he’s a mafia’s getaway driver.

This guy looked to be a bit younger than your dad, though certainly older than you. Blonde hair that was previously slicked back and now a bit messy. He sat in the passenger seat and was looking at his phone, texting someone.

When he was walking up to the car earlier, you were pretty sure he was holding a butcher knife.. but it was dark so you decided to think you were over thinking it.

You sat in the back seat, watching the street lights fade past as your dad practically speeds down to the place you were performing today.

You played the piano. Not as a job, just as something for extra cash as a college student. It helped a lot—but it was hard to find jobs in the area, most were so far that you had to have Ijichi drive you.

The car came to a halt once Ijichi reached the house you were playing at. Some rich function happening. It didn’t matter, as long as it payed well.

“Thanks, Dad. Bye, Blondie.” You said, not waiting for any type of response as you stepped out. But much to your confusion, your dad and blondie got out of the car. Though they didn’t seem to be going towards the house you were. Just looking at the abandoned building a few blocks down.

Huh… maybe your dad really is in the yakuza business.

Shit, why didn’t that pay well?

You pushed back any curiosity to see what they were up to and walk inside the house. The performance, like always, was easy. You chose the fanciest but easiest pieces to play on the piano. It was hard doing it for hours straight with only ten minutes breaks between.

It was around two hours at the party, that your phone started ringing. You tried to ignore it, wanting to finish the piece you were playing. It was going well until the sound of something collapsing outside caught the guests attention. You heard screaming and yelling as everyone was moving around in a frenzy.

But you stayed put, knowing that if you stood up, you’d get trampled. Everyone was acting too frantic for your liking. Once there was a few people left, you grabbed your bag and walked out of the home, staring right at what looked to be a building collapsed onto itself.

It was the building Blondie and your dad was looking at. It confused you as there was a crowd of people running to their fancy cars and speeding away for safety. No one called the police —all too focused on their own lives. You stepped forward, towards the street to the now collapsed building. It was old.. but how did it just break down like that? That’s not normal. Did something push into it?

“Ijichi.”

A hand grabbed your shoulder. You shrieked and began to flail your arms around.

“Unhand me, troglodyte!!! I took taekwondo four years ago! I.. remember something!!”

“Calm down. Your father is just looking for you.”

You flinched when the hand moved to grab one of your arms, effortlessly stopping your failed attempt of taekwondo. You glanced up to see Blondie, his eyebrows furrowed while there was a small little cut on his cheek. Huh, was that always there? His clothes looked dusty, as if he was rolling around in dirt.

Was he in the building before it collapsed?

“Oh, Blondie—!”

“—Nanami.”

“That’s what I said. What happened to that building? It just fell.”

Blondie—Nanami hummed. “Old buildings can fall apart after a few years of being unkept.”

“Uh… okay.” You muttered, weirded out by his answer but decided that would be enough. “Where’s Dad?”

“The car.” Nanami nodded towards your father’s car that was parked farther away from everything. You saw your father leaning against the car, his arm looking a bit.. mangled to say the least. Feeling a sense of panic, you sprinted over there and came to stop once you got a clear picture of what happened to him.

His arm looked as if it was purposely twisted into an uncomfortable position. Ijichi gave you a tight smile, obviously taken from the pain. He used his free hand to lightly pat your head.

“What… happened?” You whispered, glancing over at Nanami as he walked over. You felt an odd sensation of protection as you quickly stood between him and your father, glaring at Nanami with a tint of suspicion.

Nanami raised an eyebrow, obviously confused on why he was being suspected as a the culprit. It was odd because he was obviously hurt as well—though to a lesser extent. The cut on his cheek wasn’t the only one as there was on his forearm that was actually still bleeding through the light bandage that was used from his sleeve.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Ijichi muttered. “Did you get paid?”

“Oh.. no. I forgot to ask for money—don’t know if she’ll pay me now though.”

“Well—as you can see, (Name), I’m badly hurt. I’ll need to go get this checked out.”

“Yeah, of course,” you smiled. “I’ll drive you. I’ve been getting better.”

“No—I need you to do me a favor.” Ijichi glanced over at Nanami before leaning in close to you. “I’m sure you know I’m not just a driver at this point—but for your safety I can’t say too much.”

You gasped, dramatically putting a hand over your lips. “No…. You’re a Yakuza member?!”

Ijichi stared at you as if you were crazy. “What—? Anyway, I’ll need you to stay at Nanami’s for a few weeks. Just so I can get better at the hospital.”

“Blondie?”

“Nanami.” Nanami cut in.

“That’s what I said,” you rolled your eyes. “Why? I can stay at the house alone.”

“It’s not safe. Someone…” Ijichi paused, as if he was wondering how much he should actually tell you. “It’s just not safe. We don’t know if he’d go after you. It’s safer to stay with a sorcerer—uh.”

You blinked. “Sorcerer? Right…” You grinned, thinking your dad was just trying to be subtle about his connection to the Yakuza. “Of course. Dangerous… gang leaders and all the like.”

Ijichi simply sighed. “Yes, sure. It will only be three to four weeks maximum. I’ll be healed by then. Nanami will drive me to the hospital and then he’ll take you home so you can pack a bag, okay?”

“Fine. Doesn’t seem like I have a choice,” you whined, pouting.

“Yes, you didn’t.” Ijichi said. He used his free hand and opened the door to passenger side of the car. You sat in the back once more while Nanami went to the driver side. As he drove, you couldn’t help but glance back at the collapsed building. While Yakuza were dangerous—you haven’t seen them collapse a building before. That’d just draw too much attention to them.

At the very least, you hoped Nanami lived close to your university. It was tiring having to rely on your dad’s car to get places since you lived on the outskirts of the city. But there was an aching feeling in your stomach. How.. did your dad’s arm twist like that? Will it actually be able to be fixed?

Right before you tore your eyes away from the building, you saw the flicker of red eyes.

𖥸

Blondie’s place was actually pretty nice. It was a nice little apartment—decorated decently. Though it was obviously done by an older man. You felt odd being in a stranger’s place but you trusted your father’s judgement so you didn’t complain a lot. At least verbally.

The apartment was on the sixth floor, with nice glass windows in the living room giving you a nice gaze into the city. The building lights kept the room bright even before Blondie turned on the lights. You checked the bag you were carrying, making sure you had your shots. Blondie was carrying the heavier bags—you had practically forced him to.

Just a couple of pouts and blinks with your long eyelashes got him carrying them.

“I have a spare bedroom that you’ll stay in. There’s no attached bathroom.” He said. He walked over to a hallway that had three doors. The left was the bathroom. The right was your new bedroom and the center is obviously Nanami’s room.

As he opened the door, the room was less decorated than the rest. But that made sense—no one would be in this room often. The room didn’t look too small—a queen size bed in the middle and a singular night stand to accompany it.

A small dresser in front of the wall facing the bed—and…

A tv that had a crack on the right side of it. Blondie noticed your shocked face as he placed your bags on the bed. “The movers dropped it.” He simply said.

“Eh. Does it still work?” You muttered, grabbing the remote that rested on the nightstand. You turned it on and what played was cartoons—but in English.

“Somehow it’s stuck on Australian cartoons. I can’t change it, it was bought second hand.” He said. He grabbed the remote and seemed to try again and see what was wrong with the settings. You wondered how he could understand the English but didn’t ask. He must’ve studied English or something.

Nanami hummed as he gave you back the remote. “You can still at least flip through the channels. A few have Japanese subtitles.” Was all he said as he left the room. You glanced over at him as he closed the door behind himself.

Huh. That was abrupt.

You placed your bag on the floor and decided to just unpack everything into the small closet. It was weird to be staying at a man’s place you literally met today but if your dad trusted him, you’d “trust” him too. But at the thought of your dad, you kept thinking of his arm. The mangled arm that couldn’t possibly be fixed. But he seemed so sure.

You knew your dad treated you a bit childish compared to adults your age with their parents. It was okay when you were a kid but ever since you started transitioning it has gotten worse. But you knew why. He just wanted to protect you… It was evident in him not trusting to allow you stay home alone.

The light clink of syringes caught your attention when you accidentally jostled your bag. You took out one syringe and one of the small bottle. It took forever for you to even get the option to take testosterone. As you prepped yourself for your shot, you thought back to the red eyes. Did you imagine that?

Did you actually see that…? Or was your eyes playing tricks on you?

As you packaged the dirty syringe into a plastic bag, ready to be disposed of, there was a knock on the door. The door opened and Blondie was holding a bowl of noodles. He placed them on the nightstand.

“I would’ve made you a proper meal.” He said, vaguely pointing to his properly bandaged arm. “But I need to be careful. When you’re finished, put the bowl in the sink. Good night.”

Then he left. Again.

Gosh, why was he so abrupt when it came to his goodbyes?

The ramen was okay. It’s as good as gas station ramen is gonna be. As you placed the bowl in the sink, you walked past the living room to reach your room when you passed by a photo. The photo was inside a glass cabinet—connected to the small piece framing around the tv. You leaned in close, wanting to see who it was.

It looked to be a much younger Nanami.

Oh wow—was he emo? You laughed to yourself at his haircut. Next to him was a girl, a guy with white hair—strange, and a guy with black hair.

Wow, another emo.

You noticed someone next to Nanami, on his left.

A guy with brown hair. He looked cute—he had a wide smile. Cute.

You hummed. Their uniform looked kinda weird. Nothing close to what you wore in high school. Hm, were they also about in the Yakuza?

Do the Yakuza hire young people?

As you thought deeply on your “profound” question, you pulled away from the cabinet. Well, it wasn’t much of your concern. If you were lucky, Blondie didn’t work for the Yakuza anymore. With a huff, you walked back to your room and went to sleep for the night.

𖥸

“Blondie?”

He wasn’t there. You checked around the apartment the next morning, wanting to simply talk—mainly ask him to make you some breakfast—but he wasn’t there. Or anywhere for that matter. You plopped down into the couch and checked your phone, pouting to yourself as your thumb hovered over your father’s contact.

“She’s always in your shadow! Why did you raise her like that?!”

“Don’t speak about my son like that! You were the one who decided to not raise him, it’s not (Name)’s fault he doesn’t want to go to you.”

“Him, him, him! It’s time you stop allowing this nonsense to continue, Ijichi.”

“Whose last name does he have? Ijichi (Name)! I’ll be the one to raise my son how I see fit.”

“Fine! Continue letting ‘him’ play dress up! When that child of yours is still living in your home while giving you no grandchildren, don’t cry about how you wished you had a normal daughter!”

“Ijichi.”

You gasped, looking up as you saw Blondie staring down at you. Your eyes felt blurry—you couldn’t really see him. Blondie kneeled down, removing your glasses as he handed you a handkerchief. It was soft in your hand, as you lightly dabbed it under your eyes before full on using it to stop your tears. You didn’t even know what happened.

You didn’t want to think about her.

That woman who carried you for nine months.

Gosh, you hated her.

But she still brought you to tears so easily.

“Th…anks… Blondie.” You whispered.

“Nanami.”

“That’s what I said.”

Blondie didn’t seem to care about why you were crying. Or at the very least, was being respectful in not asking. He was still a stranger. You continued to wipe away your tears, silently grateful he was back from wherever he left off to.

“Where’d… You go?”

“Store. I was missing a few things to make breakfast.”

You glanced over to the kitchen and indeed saw him preparing something. When did he even get back? Were you that deep into your trauma flashback that you didn’t hear him? You felt your cheeks flush hot. Fuck, that’s so embarrassing. As you began rubbing a bit harder to try and lessen your puffy red eyes—your phone began to ring.

With speed you’d question back at, you checked to see who was calling.

It wasn’t your father.

Shit, it was just some guy you had in your class. The damn leech when it came to your recent project you were doing for history.

He didn’t want to do anything and embarrassingly enough, you were doing everything at this point.

You tossed your phone onto the coffee table and sighed, draping the handkerchief over your eyes as you leaned back onto the couch. You’d speak to him tomorrow. The sound of chopping and sizzling filled the room as you slowly drifted off to a comfortable nap.

It always felt good to sleep after a cry.

When you woke up, it was dark out. Shit. You glanced around the living room—noticing you had a blanket on you. As you folded the blanket back and rested it on the couch, you walked to the kitchen. You opened the fridge and saw the food Blonde was probably making. It looked to just be an omelette.

Good enough.

After microwaving and sitting down back at the couch to eat you briefly wondered where Nanami could’ve went.

Ah.

Yakuza, probably.

𖥸

“Ijichi, why didn’t you answer my phone call?”

You sighed as you were roughly grabbed by your infamous slacker. You stared at him with no intention to really speak to him—just let him rant about how “you’re not listening to him” or “why do you hate him?” Whatever bullshit he comes up with.

“I’m trying to help with this project, really,” he begins and then just blabbers on.

You don’t pay attention. It goes on for maybe a few minutes until you see a crowd of people leaving their classroom. Perfect. You pushed slacker’s hands off of you and seamlessly phased into the group of people walking away.

It’s only been about two days but it felt like years since you’ve seen your dad.

Huh.

Maybe she was right about—

You shake your head. Fuck that lady! She’s burnt flesh now anyway.

As you walk away from your university, you came face to face with a dilemma. You don’t know where Nanami’s apartment is—you kinda just left on auto pilot to not miss class. And shocker, you never got his number to call him.

Well shit.

You aimlessly walked around the city for a bit, just enjoying the nice day. The sunlight shined down onto you as you giggled a bit. Hm, the sun is nice. You decided to just text your dad for Nanami’s phone number. So while you waited for him to answer your text—you stopped by a nearby cafe for some coffee.

Right when you left the cafe, you noticed something weird.

Red eyes just staring at you—right from across the street. Inside a building that looked to be abandoned. Wow, when did Japan have so many abandoned buildings. You instinctively stepped forward, trying to see if this was just something you were seeing by chance.

You used the cross walk to go across the street, getting face to face with the building. But the eyes were gone. You hummed, starting to believe maybe you were going through it. This is perhaps the longest you’ve gone no contact with your dad—you’re probably just worried. Especially with the injury you saw him with.

A mangled arm.

Anyone would be reeked with worry.

As you pulled out your phone to check if your dad answered you yet, you felt yourself freeze. There was someone watching you. No… something.

You glanced up, looking into one of the building’s window and gasped in shock at the sight of what you were seeing. It wasn’t human. And it looked like a huge centipede, staring at you as if you were a piece of meat. You booked it, immediately.

Your legs burn from running but you didn’t stop. You kept going and going until you felt a bit safe in a public area. Just… what the hell was that? When did centipedes get so big? And it was looking at you so hungrily?! What the hell?! With your thoughts focused solely on your new discovery of big centipedes, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You shrieked, ready to fight but sighed seeing it was just the slacker.

“Ijichi, man, the fuck are you avoiding me for? I’m seriously trying to get a good grade here! If I fail…”

You tune him out again. Wondering how the fuck he was able to find you. His grip was tight around your arm before it slowly slid to your back. You slightly paid attention to what the hell he think he was doing touching you so much until you felt his hand slightly slide down your waist.

“What in—”

“—look, if the reason you’re just ignoring me because you’re scared about what you really are, most people practically know and don’t care. I don’t care about that queer stuff!”

You blinked at him, wondering how he went from zero to a hundred. You didn’t care that people could probably tell you were trans so long as they didn’t bother you. But now you were about pissed off this guy was making you do more work for this damn project and now making it seem like it was your fault—not his inability to work.

“Listen here, Slacker—”

But you didn’t have to say much when he was pulled off of you. You grinned. “Oh! Great.” Slacker fell to the ground and looked up—you did the same, looking to see who was your savior of the day.

Oh.

Just Blondie.

“Oh, Blondie. I was looking for your apartment, I also need your phone number.” You said, smiling softly, forgetting all about the slacker on the floor. Blondie simply hummed as he grabbed your arm and began guiding you to his place, leaving slacker on the floor yelling after you.

Which was… two blocks from where you were standing.

Oh wow. Definitely made sense in why you got to your university so quick. Blondie’s apartment was just ten minutes away. Ahah… embarrassing.

Once inside the apartment, Blondie seemed set on ignoring you again. Which seemed to be all he was doing these few days you stayed here. But you didn’t know why. You huffed to yourself, pouting as you dropped your bag on the floor and plopped down onto the couch, ready to watch some tv.

“Blondie~!” You sang, grinning lightly. “You’re in the kitchen still, right? Can you get me something to eat? Please~?”

You didn’t get a reply back. You briefly wondered if he wasn’t going to do it so you moved to sit up but was proven wrong when Blondie gave you a turkey sandwich. You quickly took the plate and began eating, humming after having not eaten lunch. But Blondie was still staring down at you, his eyebrow slightly raised as if he was waiting for you to say something.

Your lips pursed as you thought what he needed to hear until you gasped. “Oh, thanks, Blondie.” You muttered with your mouth still full as you began eating again.

You only got a huff in response as he walked away to do whatever he usually does. As you ate, you thought back to that centipede. Was that really real? There’s no such thing as monsters, anyway. You wondered if you should tell Blondie—but what could he do realistically?

Well, he’s in the Yakuza, maybe he could find a way.

𖥸

It’s been about two weeks now. Your dad still hasn’t returned much of your texts but you had gotten closer to Blondie. As much as you could anyway. He was very cut and dry with his answers to you.

You ask him how his day went, he’d answer with a curt: “okay.”

Ask him about what he does for work: “office job.”

He seemed to have trouble really looking at you when you spoke to him. He’d glance at you and then suddenly look at whatever he was doing with such intensity as you tried asking him questions. Or even just talking to him. Boring!

You were starting to believe he had a problem with the clothes you wore. When you dressed in baggy clothing, he would look at you more. But whenever you wore a tighter top or even shorts that showed a sliver of your ass, it was like looking at you would’ve burned his retinas!

Geez, did he not like guys in tighter clothing?

Damn… you must’ve been pretty ugly to him.

As you mentally cried to yourself about being seen as ugly on the couch, you glanced at your phone. You haven’t seen that slacker after you sent in the project. Of course you told the professor you did most and if not all of the work. So, you got an A—obviously.

You haven’t seen any human sized centipedes in a while so you were set to just believe you were imagining it. As you tugged down at your shorts that were acting like underwear at this point, you heard the front door open. Oh, Blondie’s back!

You grinned and went over to him, smiling. “Blondie! You’re early, they let you off?”

Blondie hummed. “I had a half day.” He simply said, walking over to the living room as he sat down with a grunt. He looked a bit tired so you decided to just not say anything else to him. There was always a few days when he just came home with a look of dread and was totally silent.

You were really starting to believe he was a Yakuza member.

As you turned to walk to your room, you bent down for a second to pick up a pillow that had fallen when you previously jumped off the couch. When you stood back you, you turned around to see Blondie staring at you with wide eyes. You simply smiled at him and placed the pillow back on the couch. Weird, why was he staring at you like that.

“I’m going to my room. Call me if you need me.” You said, waving goodbye as you sprinted off to your room, not knowing that Blondie’s gaze didn’t leave you at all.

𖥸

Nanami rubbed the bridge of his nose as he tried not to think about you essentially just flashing him earlier. When you had bent down to grab the pillow, he saw that your shorts, that were too short in his opinion, the crotch area had kinda sort of—clung to one side. So he saw it, at least just one lip—of your cunt.

And he felt angry with himself that his cock actually twitched at the sight. Was he some damn animal? He’d certainly been feeling like that the last two weeks. He couldn’t exactly… speak well with you. You just staring up at him with your cute smile but painfully naughty clothing.

Who just wears a shirt that is practically clinging to your body that it hides nothing to the imagination! And your shorts… who wears such short shorts with no underwear?

He wasn’t sure if he could take another few weeks with you here. Not if he didn’t want to just slam you against the wall and take you there.

But no, he couldn’t do that. You were Ijichi’s son. And he was pretty sure when Ijichi said: “take care of my son.” He didn’t mean fuck his son. Though he kinda wished he did.

It’ll be fine. Just a minimum of two more weeks… then you’d be gone back at home with Ijichi.

𖥸

Nanami wished he had just gone straight to bed. He was sitting on the couch watching tv when you suddenly appeared, dressed in a stupid crop top and short shorts. You plopped down beside him before resting your head right on his lap. When he tried to push you away, you only whined, pouting up at him to let you stay.

Damn brat.

He tried focusing back on the show he was watching as you seemed to only have wanted contact with him. You hummed softly before giggling.

“Nana—Blondie,” you said, looking over at him. “Today’s my mom’s death anniversary.”

He glanced down at you, a bit confused on why you didn’t seem bothered on your mother being dead.

“She died in a car crash. Drunk driving. The hospital said she burned to death in her car… witnesses said they heard her screaming as they tried to open the car door and out the fire.” You sighed, a soft smile on your lips as you recount your mother’s death. “I was 18. It was a good early birthday gift. But Dad said I shouldn’t be so cruel to her even if she was a bitch.”

“It’s not strange,” you said, turning your face to rest on Nanami’s leg as you glanced up at him. Your eyelashes batting as your lips were pulled into a pout. “To not care about a bitch dying, right? I’m sure there’s someone everyone has that they just can’t wait to die.”

Nanami wasn’t sure what brought this out. He was actually a bit worried honestly that you were so nonchalant about death. Though he could tell that despite this act you were pulling, her death did affect you… but perhaps it truly did bring a sense of peace. Especially if her death was truly that horrible.

“I can’t speak on that.” Was all he said, deciding it was best to let the conversation die out. He’d tell Ijichi to schedule you a therapist once he’s better.

“Hm, yeah, I did bring it out of nowhere. Anyway, my birthday is in four days! Getting me anything?” You giggled.

“No. I didn’t know it was your birthday.”

“What? Blondie~! Whaddya mean? I’m practically your roommate by now, and roommates give each other gifts.”

“Are you truly my roommate when I do everything?”

Which was true. You were more like a freeloader. Nanami did the chores, cleaned up mostly after you, and paid for literally everything. You were silently forbidden on doing your piano jobs so you were kinda shit out of luck, relying on Nanami at this point.

You simply huffed. “Meanie.” As you moved your head to face Nanami’s stomach. Nanami couldn’t help but flinch as he felt your nose accidentally brush against his crotch area. His grip on the remote tightened as he so desperately wished he was rude enough to push you off of him.

It was quiet for bit, just the tv going on with the show Nanami was watching. And subconsciously, Nanami began to calm down a bit and just allowed you to stay there. Maybe you really did just want some comfort.

There was something pressing against his crotch. He glanced down to see you, purposefully, rubbing your nose against his crotch before pulling away. You yawned, acting as if you were just essentially teasing him and grinned.

“I’m going to bed, Blondie. Think about what you’re getting me for my birthday!” You winked, standing up as you walked back to your room. He was so sure you were intentionally swaying your hips. What the hell was that?

And why the hell was he horny from a freaking nose rub?!

𖥸

Blondie, Blondie, Blondie

That’s all you called him. Occasionally, you’d say, “Nana—” but then quickly switch back to Blondie. It was as if you were intentionally trying to get him upset. Nanami didn’t know how a calm man like Ijichi could have a son like you.

The only similarity you two had was the glasses you both wore. It actually was the same brand and shape—weird.

You seemed to have two pairs of glasses though. You were the ones similar to Ijichi’s often and this pair of red ones whenever you were feeling “annoying.” Nanami had come to expect the red cat eye glasses whenever you wanted to be a little brat.

And look at that, you were wearing them right now.

Nanami was sitting on the couch, checking something in his phone when you suddenly appeared behind him. He didn’t look up, waiting for you say something until he felt your arms wrap around his neck. His body stiffened as you leaned close, pressing your lips against the tip of his ear.

“Guess what’s tomorrow?” You whispered. “B-i-r-t-h-d-a-y.” You intentionally made each letter sound breathy, pausing just a split second to let them sit heavy in the air.

You pulled away and giggled. “Got my present? You gotta make up for Dad,” you went to sit on the couch and glanced over at Nanami who looked as if he would keel over if a gust of wind blew past him. His grip was tight on his phone, you were a bit worried it’d crack.

“What was that?” Nanami suddenly said, still looking straight.

“Was what? It was for dramatic effect!” You said honestly, not knowing how sexual you had just sounded in his ear. Nanami turned over to face you with a look of pure disbelief while you simply grinned.

“Aw~ poor Blondie, don’t take it so seriously!” You playfully pat his leg before grabbing the tv remote and turning it on. You were engulfed into the random Japanese drama playing while Nanami could only just stare at you in awe.

Wow. You really were a damn brat.

It was fine though. He had the perfect birthday present now.

𖥸

It was your birthday!!

Which meant no school. Why would you willingly go to school on your day? Only losers do that! You sighed comfortably on the couch as you turned on the tv to play random Korean dramas for most of the day. And that’s how you spent most of the day.

It was around noon when your phone buzzed. You expected it to be one of your very few friends that you have but much to your shock with was your dad! You squealed happily and quickly opened the text he sent.

‘Happy Birthday, 🐹, I’ve been feeling better, don’t worry about me. I’ll be able to call you soon. I hope you aren’t giving Nanami too much trouble.’

You pouted but quickly texted him back, stating that you and Blondie were practically pals at this point. It brought a smile to your lips to see the hamster emoji though. You had quite chubby cheeks even has an adult that your dad loving pinching. It always looked bigger when you ate.

It was commented more when you were a kid but there was still some people who would—lovingly—call you a hamster in disguise.

Finally having confirmation that your dad was at least alright, you felt a heavy weight lift off your shoulders. You yawned and stretched out, turning your attention back to the tv as you spent the rest of the day lounging around.

It was dark out when Nanami finally came back home. You waved from the couch, not bothering to get up. You were always lazy on your birthday. Definitely from being a bit too spoiled on these days. But hey, at least you didn’t act like this everyday.

You could see Nanami did have a small box in his hand as he moved to the kitchen. You silently hoped it was a cake as you finally sat up a bit and moved to join Nanami in the kitchen.

“So now you’re greeting me,” Nanami said, placing the box in the fridge. You pursed your lips, wondering why he seemed a bit upset. It wasn’t like you greeted him all the time when he walked through the door.

“You like that stuff? Aw~,” you walk over to him, resting your hand on his shoulder. “You like those couple stuff? So cute, Blondie!”

You hummed when you felt his hand grab yours, slowly pulling it away from his shoulder. You glanced up, wondering if you perhaps went a bit too far but Nanami didn’t seem angry. On the contrary, he seemed like his usual self. He used his free hand to fix his glasses as his grip on yours tighten.

“I’ve allowed you to continually act like a brat throughout your stay here—I know what you truly need as a birthday present.”

With sudden strength, you found yourself pinned against the wall, his body pressed up against yours. You were wearing a long shirt but your usual short shorts.

“Blon—”

“—Sir. Since Nanami is a problem for you to say, that should be easy for you.”

You blushed slightly, having never really called someone that before. But somehow, you didn’t find it in you to disobey. Nanami hitched up your shirt, grabbing the front end and pressing it against your lips. It took you a second but you bit down on it.

“Good boy.”

Oh no.

Y’know, you did find Nanami attractive, but you were always the type of person to want to stick to your age range. But this…

“You kept whining about wanting a birthday present,” his hands gripped your shorts, “do you want this?” He whispered against your ear, practically giving you an out.

You gripped the wall in front of you but felt yourself nodding, blushing in embarrassment.

“I need words, (Name).” He said. You felt your legs tremble. You wanted him to say your name again.

“Yes… keep going.” You whispered.

Nanami hummed in approval as he pulled down your shorts, making you left up your legs so they can be fully taken off. Now you were standing in the kitchen, pressed against the wall with just a shirt. Nanami’s hand traced your upper thigh, his hand ghosting your cunt but he never brought it close enough.

You whined slightly, looking back at him with pleading eyes. He gave you small smirk.

“Despite it being your birthday, you acted bad today, Baby.”

“H..huh? How..?” You muffled out through your t-shirt, a look of surprise in your eyes.

“You don’t really remember?” Nanami gripped your hips tightly as he forced you to pull away from the wall. Your hands pressed tightly against the wall as your back arched. His hands slid down your hips to your butt as he harshly gripped them, spreading them apart teasingly as you whimpered.

“You can’t have short term memory loss, (Name). Think.”

You thought for a second before humming. “Greet… didn’t greet you..” you muffled.

“Good boy. So you know you’ll have to be punished for not properly greeting me? It’s what’s brats get for misbehaving.”

“m… not a brat.”

Smack!

“I don’t like liars.” Was all he said before you felt another slap against your ass. You whimpered, your body shaking at each spanking. He wasn’t gentle in the slightest, not leaving room for a break. It was continuous spankings against each cheek, earning deep screams from you.

The spankings filled the silent apartment, swirling in symphony with your high pitched screams. You didn’t think this was really a good birthday present but you couldn’t deny that it was actually feeling a bit good in a weird way.

After a few more slaps, Nanami began rubbing your sore butt cheeks, pressing a wet kiss into your shoulder.

“Good boy. You handled that perfectly.” He said, leaning close as he grabbed your left leg and lifted it up. Your back was now pressed against his chest as you tried to keep a steady balance with now just one foot.

“Th…ank…you.. Sir.” You muttered out, tears staining your cheeks as you looked up at him. Nanami cooed, wiping away a few of your tears with his free hand.

“Now, do you think you deserve your present?”

You nodded, “yes.. yes! Please..”

Nanami seemed to take a bit of pity on you as he simply nodded. He wanted to tease you a bit more but he decided that since it was your first time and birthday, he’d be nicer. Though next time he’d be much more cruel.

You whimpered as you felt his hand graze your cunt, teasing one finger against your wet folds. It had been a minute since you even touched yourself down there. You were always too anxious that Nanami would be able to hear you or he might come home earlier than expected.

Just feeling his finger teasing you could bring you to an orgasm, but Nanami had different plans. He slipped in two fingers, earning a soft mewl from you. His fingers were large, easily stretching you out as he got you ready for his cock.

It wasn’t until you felt yourself close to an orgasm was when Nanami finally pulled out. Damn tease.

The feeling of a cock rubbing between your folds caused you to flinch as you gripped at the wall as some type of support. This position wasn’t the most comfortable but you were way too horny to walk to the bedroom or couch. You wanted him now.

Nanami was slow as he thrusted his cock inside your tight cunt. He grunted as you gasped, trying to get used to the large stretch. His fingers didn’t compare to it! Even though you were prepared, it took some effort for him to fully be inside of you.

You shivered, suddenly thinking that you were essentially fucking your dad’s ‘coworker.’ Fuck, well, maybe a few pouts and batting of the eyelashes will get you off with minimal punishment.

“Fuck… I’m sorry,” Nanami suddenly whispered.

“Mhm?”

With great force, your whole body was suddenly shoved against the wall once more as Nanami’s hands were on either side of your head, effectively caging you in. You felt him almost pull out fully until he slammed right back inside of you, causing you to cry out in shock.

You helplessly gripped at the wall for some sort of purchase as Nanami fucked into you like an animal. His hands gripped your hips tightly, moving you as if you were a fleshlight on his cock. The only sounds coming from his was animalistic grunts.

Your cunt clamped tightly around Nanami’s cock, as you tried to babble something but only moans left your lips. Nanami seemed so heavily into chasing his own orgasm at this point.

“Si…Sir… ‘m com..!” You tried to say but could only cry out as you felt your orgasm wash over you like a waterfall. Your fingers dug ineffectually into the wall as a way of purchasing yourself against Nanami’s harsh thrusts.

He continued going even after you came, his hips slapping against your sore ass. As his grip on your hips tightened to were it felt as if his fingers was digging into the skin, he slammed his hips one last time. His cock was deep inside when he finally cummed, coating your insides.

You shrieked, shocked that he came inside. The warm cum slowly seeped down your thighs as you felt your knees collapse but Nanami was quick to hold you up.

Nanami leaned against your back, breathing heavily. “Sorry… I didn’t mean for that happen..” he muttered. “Just lost control.”

You hummed, gently wiggling your butt. “Maybe I’m just that pretty.” You teased, looking back at Nanami. You giggled slightly, enjoying his unimpressed face.

A moan left your lips as you felt his cock slowly slide out before pushing back it. You stared at Nanami in shock, surprised an older man seemed to have a quick reload. He simply grinned.

You were screwed.

𖥸

You hummed softly as Nanami rubbed your sore butt cheeks, rubbing some cream on it to stop the pain. It had been just a few days after your birthday and now this “spanking” thing was constant.

And fucking. Very often.

Nanami was always cool and collected during your punishments but whenever he got his dick inside your pussy, he could never control himself properly. It was honestly funny. And a bit scary that he could do more than one round so quickly.

The most you two have done so far was three.

And that was just a few minutes ago.

“Hm, Blondie,” you still called him that outside of sex, “did I tell you about this huge centipede I saw in this abandoned building? It had red eyes and everything, it was like… human sized!”

Nanami’s calming massage suddenly stopped. You looked back and raised an eyebrow, wondering what was wrong. He was looking at you with wide eyes—which was shocking, Nanami never looked at you like that before.

Maybe being a Yakuza member didn’t mean he could handle it.

Well, shoot.

But you couldn’t help but think Nanami wasn’t shocked about the centipede.

More about that you saw it.

Huh. Yakuza members are weird.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

I think I made reader a bit weird lolol. Way longer than I thought it was going to be. I hope I did nanami justice, I have trouble writing him for some reason

Tag list: @the-ultimate-librarian @remdayz @flurrina @iwishtobeacrow @smellwell @kiiyoooo @chill-guy-but-cooler @tomoeroi @mello-life69 @rhetorical-conscience @tehyunnie @ofclyde

[the-stars-in-your-eyes-if]

☀︎NO DEMO YET☀︎ PLAYLIST ☀︎

☀︎SYNOPSIS☀︎

Your childhood friend has always dreamed of the big scene, of the crowd singing your lyrics, of a world tour. Max always wanted for your bands to succeed together. Until...

Well, it is was all a big stupid joke.

The real world caught up to you: you are no longer the naive child you once were. Writing a Grammy worthy album isn’t as easy as it seems and the big scene is nowhere to be seen. You navigate through life as you can, you party with your friends every Saturday and write music all week. You enjoy each one of your gigs – big and small. Your burning love for music doesn’t seem to fade. Your band brought together a solid community that crosses borders. You have fun with your band and it’s all that matter.

But you can’t help but fantasize that, someday, you’ll be at the top of the world…

Big stupid joke, right?

✮BATTLE OF THE BANDS IS BACK!✮

You thought 2020 was the end of us, uh?

You couldn’t be more wrong!

The worldwide known music contest is finally back!

We carefully chose the mentors of our beloved participants. This year will be all pink…

Make way for Pink Riot!!!

Application open to foreigners (check our website)

RATED +18

TW: explicit language, (occasional) violence, transphobia (one character is misgendered but just in one scene), use of alcohol and drugs, (soft) sexual content, parental abuse (flashback), depression, self-harm (warning will be in the "next" button), mention of suicide (same as self-harm)

☀︎FEATURES☀︎

– Customize your MC’s appearance and personality. You decide of their public image and persona.

– Your choices will define your band’s public image and popularity. Are they loved? Do they make underground or mainstream music? Are they the parents’ worst nightmare? The reference of rebellious kids?

– Decide your band’s aesthetic. Do they have one to begin with? Or do they each dress in their own style?

– Write your own lyrics!

– Engage in romantic affairs…

– ...or don’t, your choice!

– Are you going to help the people that cross your path or do you only care about yourself?

☀︎A BIT OF CONTEXT☀︎

Of course, this story is set on Earth.

But.

Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, islamophobia, antisemitism and fatphobia will get you in court.

You are not very well seen if you do one of those things and, if you’re a celebrity/politician/public figure, it can (and will) ruin your career.

I know that this isn’t realistic at all but I need to believe that, one day, this will be real. My characters have and will go through enough trauma and bad moments, I want to give them some peace.

And it feels really good to make a world where those things will ruin the oppressor and not the oppressed.

☀︎ROs☀︎

THE HERMIT — Diesel Di Angelo (they/them)

Diesel is the soul of the band, they bring a sort of osmosis. Their calm energy somehow has a place on stage and is liked by everyone.

Diesel took their first steps in the music world with Max and MC. It was just the three of them before the band grew bigger. Diesel is a talented guitarist, they worked hard to get where they are and they don’t stop improving. They are quite reserved and don’t talk about their feelings… Who knows what lies beneath their shell?

THE MISCHIEVOUS DRUMMER — Roman Lupin (he/him)

If MC is the backbone of the band, Roman is its beating heart. He has no problem to make the public jump from the back of the stage. He’s a spark that will light a bonfire.

Roman learned to play drum from his mother. He went to the conservatory but he didn’t stuck with it. Since a young age, Roman wants to have a band and to perform all around the world. Roman is full of life and he’s the human version of a sunshine. Is there something behind that smile or is he genuinely happy?

THE LITTLE MERMAID — Isra Wafa (she/they)

Isra brings magic to the band. Her mermaid low voice is unique and enchants the public. If you think you’ve heard good bass players, just wait until you see Isra on stage.

When Isra was a child, their parents let them chose an instrument to learn and to their surprise, she chose the bass. They fell in love with this low instrument. They navigated from band to band before settling for this band her boyfriend was part of. Isra keeps ignoring their responsibilities toward her family. For how long can they pretend it doesn’t exist?

THE REBEL ANGEL — Archibald “Archie” de Beaumont (they/he)

Even with a classical training, Archie managed to switch to their band’s genre without too much troubles. All the members affirm it: Archie is a gift from the universe.

Archie popped out of nowhere to audition to be the band’s keyboardist. He was the most talented person they saw all day and the chemistry was very much here. The band doesn’t know much about Archie, but it doesn’t matter. They are a good person and a dear friend. It wouldn’t change anything to learn about their life before the band. Right?

THE MANAGER — Cal Bremont (he/him)

Cal works in the shadow to make the band shines under the spotlight of the biggest stages. The band claims it, he is the best manager you could hope for.

Cal takes his job very seriously, he has a perfect work ethic. Maybe he is a bit too close to his clients and they may not just be clients… But, well, no one is complaining. Cal is very secretive about his personal life, he never mentioned his family or anything else. Can he maintain his relationship with his friends and still keep his life a mystery?

THE RISING STAR — Max Larash (she/her or they/them)

Max moved their band to the other side of the world and they managed to impose themselves on the west coast scene. We’ll keep an eye on them as they’ll compete against their former friends…

Because of artistic divergences, Max decided to leave the band when Isra and Roman joined them and they created their own band with high school friends. Max had big dreams for Sleep Walking and their friends in MC’s band, but it didn’t turn out as Max has hoped. Sleep Walking left the country for the USA without their friends and they intentionally lost all contacts with them…

THE MUSE — Olivia “Ollie” Madden (she/her)

You may have never see her face but, as a comics fan, Ollie Madden is a name far from unknown. None other than the comics artist and writer of the most followed comics, Ollie is still a mystery to her fans.

Olivia works for Blue Pegasus, a major comics book publisher, since years. She was the comics artist on a lot of books, it took her a lot of hard work to finally publish her own series. Olivia isn’t only a famous artist, she also is a single mother. She’s taking care of a lot by herself and it often leads to forget about herself. There is nobody to remind her she’s human and not a superhero…

THE PRINCESS — Katharina "Kat" Deluca (she/her)

We don’t need to present Katharina Deluca anymore. Success and awards seem to follow every movies our Lady K touched. She confessed that her break from the cameras and greens screens was to be present for her best friend… Athena Pierce.

Also known as the Princess, Katharina is one of the biggest actresses of her generation. Between two roles worthy of an Oscar, she is also a model and the face of the infamous designer brand: Beaumont-Griffin. She is in the industry since she was 12. But, behind closed doors, Kat doesn’t seem to have a joyful life… What is she hiding from the world?

GODDESS OF MUSIC — Athena Pierce (she/her)

Athena is a legend in the industry. Everybody wants to work with her and Pink Riot. Her voice will shatter your world, there is a before and an after Athena Pierce.

Athena is the lead singer and front woman of Pink Riot. She was a star child and charmed America with her angelic voice. But, with the creation of Pink Riot, Athena is no longer the little angel of the USA. She’s now known as a freaking rebel and she is quite provocative. She flirts with the limits all the time. Her persona is loved all around the world, but who is the real Athena?

☀︎CANON EVENTS☀︎

You can customize a lot of things regarding your MC and your band. But there are a few things that are canon.

— MC is born and lives in France. Where exactly is up to you. The only place MC can’t have grow up in is Paris. (I headcanon them growing up in Perpignan or Montpellier)

— The names of MC parents can’t be choose. I tried to make them as common as possible so you can choose their origins. MC is French but their parents can be from wherever you want!

— MC's age can’t be choose.

— MC is friends with Max and Diesel since they are 6. They were in school together.

— MC’s first band is with Max and Diesel.

— During high school, MC met Roman and Isra. They joined MC’s band but Max didn’t like the kind of music their band was into so they formed their own band with other high school friends (Sleep Walking).

— The OG band (MC-Max-Diesel) exist until the fateful break up.

— MC’s band and Sleep Walking always were there for each other and gave mutual support. They also create songs and musics together, some are only instrumental and other are with vocal.

— MC speaks French and English. Feel free to add a third and even a fourth language.

— MC lives with Isra and Roman since they finished high school.

[transmascposi]

I feel really isolated because I hardly see any trans masculine positivity posts,,,, The only posts I see,, that are even shared by my own friends,,, are those that are complaining about trans mascs and how we're evil, ugly, and ruining the trans community,,,, I don't know what I did wrong besides simply exist as a trans masculine person,,, I still face misogyny and now I'm facing transphobia from my own friends,,, I even had to block somebody who said 'I have never found trans males to be sexually attractive' and instead of people telling them that's transphobic everyone was agreeing with them,,, I don't know where to turn anymore because everyone hates trans men so badly,,,, plus it's interesting that ppl will say how much they hate trans men but then fetishize our bodies,,,

I feel you. It's so lonely and difficult sometimes. It can feel like the whole world hates you. But I promise it's not like that. There's a lot of people who love us, really.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, it wouldn't justify this treatment. You are valid and amazing and you bring so much beauty to the world and to the queer community. I had to cut off a few internet friends who hated on trans men and I don't regret it one bit. If they hate trans masculine people, I suggest cutting these people off. They are not good friends to you.

My advice is to try to spend less time online. The hate is much more concentrated here, and it's much more openly vicious. We certainly do have bad things happening to us in real life, but from my experience at least, the hate online is on another level. There are encounters that we can't really prevent in real life, but you can control the majority of your interactions online. I suggest avoiding the hate as much as you can, even if it means not spending time on your favorite platform. It can seem like I'm stating the obvious and I probably am, but at the same time, when I struggled a lot with online hate on trans mascs, I would keep spending time in trans masc spaces on tumblr that are full of this hate. I think we have the tendency to dwell in the hate, for whatever reason. To reblog it to argue with it, to keep repeating the same points to people who don't care about the truth, to try to counter the lie that trans mascs have it easy by witnessing the hate as a getcha. I'm not saying that you do this necessarily, but I definitely did it.

My second advice is to go out and meet people who understand and support you. A wonderful way to do that is activism. If you can, join your local trans activist group! You don't have to have inspiring speeches on big podiums and argue with people. You can help with small practical tasks — those people are very much needed and appreciated! Or you can find your local queer events and go there. It can be intimidating at first, especially if you go alone, but there's always someone a little bit lost at these events. People get it. Again, it definitely can be very difficult, but try to talk to some trans people there. Or anyone, really. You will find out that there's a lot of people who support and get us. And people who might not fully understand yet, but they want to try and they want to help. Even these imperfect encounters will warm your heart enough to forget a little about all the hate, even just for a moment. And being in activist circles and hearing people say your exact thoughts out loud — oh man it's SO satisfying. These people don't even have to be your friends. I'm trying to be an activist and there are people who I have fun with and who give me a sense of community — yet I don't meet them outside of activism stuff because I know we aren't a good match to be friends. And yet, their existence in my life brings me a lot of warmth. Building community is the key, really.

I wish you the best of luck and strength and I hope you will feel better soon.

[lycanr0t]

if you'd like to share your thoughts on gay trans man marcille i'd love to read them and/or see your art of him! (no pressure of course!)

oh man will I share my thoughts dfjkh I was maybe going to eventually make a post to ramble about it but this gives me the perfect excuse to now :J

This ranting WILL have spoilers for anime only fans/ppl who haven't finished the manga!

Marcille is interesting to read as a gay trans man though. Because how I see it, during the events of the manga he would not know he's trans! Or at most, he would maybe have some Gender Feelings but he wouldn't really understand it yet.

To me, Marcille is the type who would at first do everything in his power to deny it/convince himself he isn't trans. I think he would have a fair bit of internalized transphobia just as a result of his fairly rigid way of going about things. He has specific standards for himself especially but also for others.

This is where my gay trans man headcanon for Falin comes in lol.

Not for romance reasons specifically, but because I think the way Marcille treats Falin when looked at through the lens of Marcille being a trans egg is especially interesting.

For my Falin headcanon, I see Falin as a gay trans man as well, but I think that he wouldn't be out to Marcille until after the events of the manga. This is very integral to how I view Marcille's gender discovery happening.

I think that during the time they're in school together, Marcille would have feelings for Falin that are confusing. In Marcille's mind they're both girls, so he must just be a girl into girls, right? Meanwhile Falin performs girl wrong and this challenges Marcille's worldview. Marcille cares for Falin, and this manifests as Marcille trying to 'help' Falin perform girl better. Basically, Marcille doubling down on his currently held beliefs of what gender is and how it functions instead of considering that it may not be that simple, and he and/or Falin may not be a girl. Falin I think would not bring up being trans for a few reasons but primarily that boy is just not big on conflict with people especially those he cares for.

But anyways. A perfect example of Marcille forcing his idea of correct gender performance being in a daydream hour page where Falin is drawn with short hair, and Marcille is visibly pretty upset by it. (I don't have the translated image but here it is)

I know that it seems like a small thing that doesn't hold much weight, and it's not technically canon but trans mens hair is often something that people feel that they need to control. A girl cutting her hair short is seen as this horrible, unacceptable thing. Now again, obviously Falin doesn't canonically cut his hair short, but the fact that Marcille would be upset and specifically wants it long again informs us about his view of these things. I think that hair being useful for magic would end up being a justification for both being upset by the concept of Falin with short hair, and a justification to himself on why he is not allowed to experiment with shorter hair. It's more practical for his line of work/study, so it's a perfect excuse to just never think about if he TRULY loves it long or if he is just doubling down on performing what's expected of him.

Marcille is a KING of appearing way more uptight than he is. He's very by the books, very strict seeming about doing magic right, but he also specifically primarily has interest in the most taboo magic. He's the loudest about complaining about eating monsters, but he's also the first one to outright say that if they have to eat demihumans then so be it. Marcille is full of contradicting feelings and actions and I think he's prone to trying to fit into what people expect but his heart isn't fully in it so he still ends up doing the unexpected as well.

Even after the manga, Marcille has lost his desire to take care of his hair but he honestly doesn't seem... that upset by it? He is upset, sure, but for something that appeared to be a pretty big thing for him he accepts it shockingly smoothly. Almost as if perhaps, it's a relief to have an excuse to try something different. To try shorter hair maybe? Because now he has an excuse other than doing gender 'wrong'. It would feel safer to explore.

Aand I have a TON of other thoughts but this is getting pretty long and I'm losing track of my thoughts SO I'm going to drop a small list of some other random half formed thoughts I think about in relation to Marcille being a gay trans man

marcille being half elf half tallman and the parallel between that and being trans and how when you're trans you're alienated and isolated. in society's eyes youre not fully a man, not fully a woman, you're both and neither and othered in a complicated way

everyone assuming marcilles wish is to become 'full elf' also is interesting to compare to the experience of people viewing being trans as 'wishing you were X gender' in a very binary way

marcille asking if his dad is pregnant in a flashback just feels like something a trans egg kid would say

marcilles overall attachment to his father tbh.

marcille being super into romance novels and specifically his succubus presenting as a pretty boy from his novels. Obviously this can be read romantic or whatever but I know personally a lot of characters I was obsessed with as a child that I thought was romantic attraction turned out to be a combination of attraction and wanting their gender expression. I think it's interesting to read into marcille's interest in romance novels as him finding a 'safe' way to explore his attraction to men and desire to be a man without actually acknowledging that directly. (a lot of irl gay trans men do similar before they realize theyre gay trans men!)

Aaand that's my thoughts for now lmao. Here's some pen doodles I did while figuring out how I wanted to draw post-canon marcille :> Still working on figuring him out but I like how these look! I like the idea of him having some facial hair (not very long as elves seem to not be able to grow much body hair) and probably cutting his hair so it's more shoulder length and a bit easier to manage!

[dauntlessdiva]

I'd Know Those Doe Eyes Anywhere

For @steddieholidaydrabbles warm up prompt: High School/College AU

Rating: G

CWs: Implied/Referenced Transphobia

Tags: College au, Trans Steve Harrington, Coming Out, First Kiss, Bisexual Eddie Munson, Halloween Parties

~♡~

Stevie had taken a few necessary years between high school graduation to finally starting her college education.

She used that time to save up some money through her minimum wage customer service jobs that she worked alongside her best friend and platonic soulmate, Robin Buckley.

With the money she squirrelled away in a savings account combined with the trust left to her by her grandparents, she finally moved out of Hawkins and into a small apartment in Indianapolis. With Robin as her roommate, obviously.

Now out from under her parents' thumbs, away from the watchful gaze that followed her everywhere in places where everyone knew each other, Stevie felt free to finally be herself in the anonymity of the big city.

And now that she'd fully made the social transition, and with her physical transition was under way, she felt that it was finally time to return to the world of academia. For better or for worse.

What she was not expecting was to run into an all too familiar face. Stevie couldn't recall exactly when Eddie Munson finally graduated from Hawkins High, but clearly he must have, or he wouldn't be squinting at her from the back of the class every Monday morning.

It would unnerve her if she thought he recognized her, but between the 'hot girl makeover' (Robin's words) and the fact that she'd changed her last name to her grandmother's name, she was fairly confident that he didn't know who Stevie Evelyn Marie even was.

Eddie didn't know what it was about that Stevie girl in his English class, but he showed up to his classes on Monday more often than any others before 12pm through the rest of the week.

Regardless of what was nagging at the back of his mind about her, Stevie was pretty. He still tended to lean more towards men than women, but he had eyes, and Stevie was easy to look at. She was shy and soft spoken, but she seemed to know the curriculum well and answered every question asked of her thoroughly and thoughtfully, but worded it in a way that even the dumbest of jocks could understand.

The thought of jocks had Steve Harrington coming to mind, and holy shit that's what it was! She looked like the spitting image of King Steve. If The Hair was a girl, he'd be Stevie Marie. But what if? No, it couldn't be. Unless? Steve did, famously, skip town with Robin Buckley of all people, and has yet to make a reappearance. Was this why? Not that he could blame them for leaving either way, Hawkins was a hell hole that he'd been more than happy to leave in his rear view.

Stevie hadn't planned on coming to the campus halloween, but now that she was here, she didn't want to be anywhere else. With Robin as her plus one, she felt confident enough to flirt with a few of her classmates, even going so far as to wink when she'd made eye contact with Eddie from across the room.

The next moment he was standing beside her, and just like that they were laughing and chatting like old school friends catching up and talking with a familiarity hitherto unknown (yes, hitherto, Stevie knew her vocab words).

So of course with everything going so well, Stevie's brain had to betray her. She could see Eddie lean in to kiss her and before she could think about it she was pushing him away with a muttered 'sorry' and rushing off to the nearest bathroom.

"Stevie? Are you in there?" Eddie called out before cautiously stepping into the communal bathroom. "Stevie, if this is about what I think it is, then you should know that I don't care what gender you are." Oh god, Eddie knew! How did he know? He knew he should've picked a different first name, damn Robin for reassuring him that Stevie was fine. "But if this is about something else then you need to tell me, okay? I can't fix it if I don't know what I did wrong."

That finally broke through the panic spiral. "Re-really?" She spoke hesitantly, unlocking the door and poking her head out from the stall she'd run to. Eddie's worried face greeted her in the main area of the bathroom near the sinks. "D'you really mean it? About the-" she paused to take a breath- "the gender thing?"

Eddie's face softened instantly, cautiously walking forwards as he spoke, "yeah, baby. I'd know those doe eyes anywhere, on the face of the sporty boy who made me face my own bisexuality, or the kindest and most well spoken young woman in the whole damn college."

"You recognized me by my eyes?" Stevie asked, leaning in to the touch as Eddie's hands came out to hold her face.

"How else would I recognize such beauty, darling?" He asked, a kind smile gracing his face. Stevie wanted to kiss that sweet smile right off his handsome face, and before she knew what she was doing, she'd pulled him in to do just that.

"Finally!" Robin called out, startling the pair out of their kiss, both turning to look at her before they all burst out in laughter.

Yeah, Stevie was glad she decided to wait a while before entering college.

[thedrarrylibrarian]

Several people have been kind enough to let me publish their thoughts on fandom, community, and queerness to celebrate Pride in the Library. Today's piece comes from @lqtraintracks.

I got into fandom a long, long time ago, way back before I found HP in 2012. My early days in another fandom (days meaning years) are not a time I want to revisit, even though it started out really good. I got to explore my sexuality for the very first time there. I met my first gf there. And those things were beautiful, for sure; they were just short-lived. After a couple of years, I met an abuser, and from then on my fandom life was predetermined by them—what I could and couldn’t read, could and couldn’t write, who I could and couldn’t form friendships with, etc. And even in the midst of that, there were those friendships that bolstered me. @elrhiarhodan, I’m looking at you.

But after 13 ½ years of that… I found HP. And I found a wonderful person who would change my life. I met Shelly / @unmistakablyoatmeal. For the first time in a very long time, I saw someone writing queerly and freely, who, far from being limited to one pairing for life, was writing all kinds of pairings (and threesomes), dynamics, and stories! I was so powerfully drawn to that freedom, and to her, and in no small way, she and this fandom are why I survived, and how I escaped and started to change my life and reclaim it as my own. 

I’ve met so many wonderful people here, many of whom have become close friends, my best friends. I’ve been writing all the queer smut my little queer heart has desired for many years now, and it’s been beyond amazing.

But something changed for us a few years ago, and our community hasn’t been the same since. The person who wrote the canon turned on us. She revealed herself to be all kinds of monstrous. 

There were clues, of course—the antisemitism inherent in her Goblins, the fat phobia, the queer baiting without any actual rep, the racism and ignorance shown in naming Cho Chang, etc. We knew but maybe we didn’t want to know. And being white and not Jewish, I lived under an umbrella of privilege that meant I didn’t have to see it until other people began pointing these things out to me.

But then the transphobia started. And kept going. And it became her platform. And it got worse, and worse, and fucking worse

As painful and horrific as that has been, it seems to have done what that sort of vile bigotry has always done though: It’s shown us that we are and will always be stronger, wiser, more loving, and ultimately undefeatable. I’ll speak for myself: I wasn’t writing trans characters before. I was afraid I’d get it wrong. JKR’s evil bullshit is what pushed me to get over myself. 

This fandom is where I have learned the most about the queer community I love. It’s where I’ve truly learned to write. And it’s where I’ve learned about facets of queer life I’d never connected to properly before out of the fear of trying. 

Here’s what I’ve learned: Bloody no one comes together like we do! No one supports one another like we do! We’ve forged a stronger bond because of some terf’s hate, and I feel closer to my fellow queer creators than ever.

This fandom, you beautiful people, have taught me so much, continue to teach me so much. I’m honored to share this space with you. Happy Pride to all you gorgeous people being your trans, nb, fluid, ace, bi, pan, poly, intersex, queer, powerful selves.  Thank you from the bottom of my little queer heart. I love you.

Thank you, LQ, for joining me in the Library. I love your declaration of fandom as ours, and the recognition that we are a stronger community because of what we've overcome. Thank you for celebrating Pride in the Library with me.

If you want more @lqtraintracks be sure to check out their work on AO3! I just finished reading her Phoenix in the Fire and I was hooked the whole time! I couldn't stop until I'd devoured the whole thing. I think you'll be just as hooked as I was. I also want to throw in how much I loved A Strapping Young Man - I loved reading about Harry's desire for Draco, and how Harry's desire is bolstered by Draco's confidence.

🏳️‍🌈 Lots of Love and Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Sorry to give more attention to something that sucks, but I figure I'm not the only one who'd rather know than not know about a comedian I like in a case like this - remember last year, when Richard Ayoade gave that supportive quote on the cover of Graham Linehan's book? And it was disappointing, I figured that even if it's what I assume happens regularly with books like this, where they'll just get whatever famous friends they have to give some positive quote for the cover, even if those friends haven't read the book - even if it was that, that still sucks on Richard Ayoade's part, if he signed off on that for a book like this. But hey, maybe he just doesn't follow the news of which old colleagues of his have lost their minds on social media, maybe he didn't think that much about it, maybe he didn't even know what the book was about, maybe he didn't even write that quote himself. Still sucks, but doesn't necessarily mean all that much.

I fortunately wasn't a sufficiently invested fan of Richard Ayoade to be hugely upset about it. I mean, I wasn't happy. I find him very funny on panel shows and I think Garth Marenghi's Darkplace was a masterpiece. I am, however, sort of pleased that the fact that Richard Ayoade sucks now makes it more acceptable for me to say I've always found The IT Crowd overrated. Also, while he can be very very funny when he's good, his persona does get grating after a while (especially given that... look, if he's going to express support for a man who's so against people changing their outer markers to affect how they're perceived, it's worth noting that it's not his real voice). It annoys me that the running joke on Catsdown is how he's so good at it because he's such a nerd, and they keep doing that joke even though he does badly in all the games. He's not really that smart, he just puts on glasses and a nasal voice and identifies as a nerd. He often doesn't even seem like his heart is really in the persona, I think he just played one nerd in 2006 and then got typecast and stuck doing it forever. Garth Marenghi was still a masterpiece though.

Anyway, I've just been pointed to an episode of Gyles Brandreth's podcast from a few weeks ago, where Richard Ayoade featured as a guest and discussed Linehan. I listened to the relevant passage and can confirm that he did know what he was talking about when he gave that quote for the book, he talks about how Graham Linehan has been doing good work and treated unfairly, and has been accused of transphobia but really it's about women's rights. Thought I'd share that for the information of anyone who likes Richard Ayoade and, like me, would rather know that not know if a comedian we like is saying stuff like that. Sorry again for giving it more attention. I briefly considered posting the clip, but I don't think I need to spread the actual audio around - if you, like me, like to hear things from the actual source rather than relying on out-of-context secondhand accounts, you can hear it yourself on the Ayoade episode of the Rosebud podcast. But I don't really recommend doing that.

I'd love to say I'm not too upset by the Ayoade news because I don't do that kind of parasocial putting celebrities on pedestals, to the point where I'd be upset about them turning out to be bad. But that's not true, there are plenty of comedians to whom I have some scraps of faith in humanity tied, and those rare scraps would disappear if my favourite comedians came out in support of Graham Linehan. Richard Ayoade's just not one of them. It was Matthew Holness who made Garth Marenghi so great anyway. And he did a far better job in one scene than Richard Ayoade did in four seasons, of playing a nerd in an 00s sitcom that was created by a guy who's now an awful transphobe. Even in a niche as small as that, Richard Ayoade doesn't win.

In order to make this post not 100% about terrible people being terrible, I'm going to take this somewhat tenuous excuse to talk about Richard Ayoade's best friend from Cambridge, who is far better than Richard. A couple of years ago, I went to make one of my little Bugle compilations, it got out of hand as I kept adding stuff to it, and I accidentally made a feature film. I entitled it A Groundhog Day of Hatred, as it chronicled the saga of John Oliver vs. Sarah Palin, every time their careers regrettably crossed paths. In September 2023, I updated that film with a few further bits, and released a second edition, which runs at 78 minutes. It's too many minutes.

To accompany the second edition, I thought it would be funny to create a movie poster. I got one quote from the excellent @lastweeksshirttonight, but thought it needed another quote, as all good promotional images are accompanied by quotes of famous people talking up the work. I realized that actually, John Oliver's old friend/Footlights teammate had recently given one of those promotional quotes that, by coincidence, would work just as well to describe my movie as it did to describe the work that that quote was originally used to promote. In fact, it would work even better. Because the story of John Oliver trying to cover Sarah Palin's political career really is the tale of a hero's harrowing journey, unlike Linehan's shit book.

So basically, if you find Richard Ayoade's political views disappointing, you can just look at that quote he gave Graham Linehan's book, and imagine he was instead describing this:

[boba-tea-addict-1004]

🔥 Cryptid Rengoku offers you safety 🔥

Pairing: Cryptid Rengoku x Nonbinary Y/n

Word count: 1,665

A/N: i wanted to post this on Halloween but got caught up with some stuff, so enjoy some post Halloween content :)

⚠TW: Transphobia and Physical abuse ⚠

Inspired by:

You worked as a paranormal investigator for about a year now. you always been fascinated with mythology, the paranormal and other worldly things... this of course did not go unnoticed by your parents (along with signs of your not so cis normative identity). they always said that they did what they did out of protection... however now on your own you weren't so sure you were the one they were protecting. push came to shove, and you haven't spoken since you moved out.

you think they liked it better this way anyway.

the town you moved in had a strange atmosphere to it, you couldn't quite place what it was...

once you got settled in you started researching, not only for your job but also out of pure enjoyment. the place you rented was small and cozy however the rent was... something. still you didn't have much time to dwell on it, you figured if you could just get through these next few months with at least a few assignments you'd be okay.

shouldnt be hard..

since you moved into a city with possibly the most missing people..

.

.

.

'

'The Aniciti Oni: A mysterious beast going as far back as the taisho era and even a bit further than that. rumored he has the power to create and control fire with ease. ancient art show's he was worshiped and praised... for what purpose is unknown. little is known and everything is still just speculation. was said to be sighted in forest near resident area's' as you continued to read you sighed ignoring whatever calls you got from your parents. they have been calling for a few days now, it was really starting to worry you. you didn't tell them where you were going when you left and yet from the voicemails they left, somehow.. they knew. unsettling to say the least.

you sigh "give me a break" you mutter to yourself rejecting another call from them. you looked at the page and figured that'd be a good place to start looking... the forest wasn't that far from your general area so it would be much of a problem. just hoped you'd be able to do what you needed to do first.

.

.

you had you headphones in your ear listening to your music looking around the outskirts of the woods first, seeing if there were any signs of life besides the usual birds and wolfs. you looked close at the ground at a few footprints, so far nothing seemed out of the ordinary and things were going pretty smoothly. you were about to stand when suddenly you were yanked up by someone causing your headphones to fall out of position. you were turned around and forced to face the people you tried so hard to run from. how they found you, you weren't sure but if you had to guess it was most likely a friend told them. you listened as your father yelled in your face while you were trying to push him away. after a bit he dropped you onto the hard asphalt of the street close by.

"After everything we done for you! after raising you and taking care of you this is how you repay us! running off to some town without so much as a goodbye!" your mother was trying to hold him back from kicking you any further. at this point you were curled up from the pain and was just waiting for him to stop so you could finally get up, every time you did try to get up you were kicked back down. you were internally screaming and begging to stop but no words were coming out, you considered yourself a strong person... but not around them. they somehow always managed to seem bigger and more powerful than you. he grabbed you by your collar again and he hit you a few more times. after a bit he dropped you back on the street and it was then you took this opportunity to run into the woods. you didn't have your phone, dew to the drama you lost it so now you had no way to call for help. not like you really had anyone to call anyway... your mom then ran after you trying to 'reason with you' but you already knew what that meant. she'd try and find a way to convince you to come back. that wasn't going to work this time. you continued to run till you tripped on a tree root and hit your head on a rock. then.. lights out..

.

.

.

when you woke up you felt your head was pounding and still bleeding slightly. "urg.." you groaned trying to get up. you noticed that the plaid shirt you were wearing was torn- no.. it was ripped in some areas and was now being used as a makeshift bandage for your head. lucky for you, you were wearing a tank top underneath, so you weren't half naked or anything like that. you got up and noticed that the jacket you were wearing (now covered in blood) was being used as a makeshift pillow. day had long since ended and from the looks of things you'd be knocked out for six hours at most. sun had already set and it was starting to get cold. you picked up your jacket and put it on trying not to think about the blood.. though you did wonder what was keeping you warn while you were asleep.. or.. what even saved you in the first place. "hello?" you call out but no response

"Hello!"

still nothing but dead silence

"I- I'm not from around here... and... i could really use some help getting back into town..." you weren't sure how deep you were in the woods or how long it'd take you to get back. everything looked the same at night. you looked around a bit more and after a bit you heard the sound of something rustling in the tree's. you look up swiftly and noticed a pair of big eyes, unsettling for sure but you weren't scared. you made eye contact with- whatever it was and in a calm tone said "hey.. don't be afraid.."

"I'm not afraid." he responded with an echo in his voice

you were a bit taken back, you weren't expecting an actual response but replied anyway "then come out" you walk a little closer

"then you'll be afraid."

you shake your head slightly then winced a bit from the pain "who- who are you?"

"careful... looks pretty bad..."

you nod slight then tilt your head slowly ".. who are you?" frankly you were somewhat afraid of the answer but stood firm

he didn't respond

"...are.. they coming back?"

he shook his head, you could somewhat make out his form a bit more as your eye adjusted "no, every time they got close i led them out. they gave up after a while... i'm sorry about that by the way"

"you.. saw?"

he nodded "i watched.. I'm sorry i couldn't step in sooner.. was afraid you'd run away"

you sighed "why would i do that?"

"..."

you look up at the moon and then back at him "..can i at least get your name?"

"..Kyojuro. Kyojuro Rengoku.."

you smile slightly "Y/n. Y/n L/n"

"What were you even doing out here?" he moved a little closer but remained hidden enough.

"i could ask you the same thing.. but i'm not gonna since i owe you one"

he shook his head "you dont own me anything Y/n.."

you look up at the moon, the light was perfectly on you, and you looked down and saw how many bruises and cuts were on you. you then walked closer to where the figure was and reached your hand out. he shook his head again then stepped back a bit more... you both continued to make eye contact then after a few seconds he took it. one thing you were not expecting to feel was.. claws... one thing you also now just noticed was how much taller he was than you. around seven feet at least. you led him into the light, and you nearly froze but kept your composer as best as you could. his eyes were red and almost looked like staring into a void, you noticed his ears and tail.. you weren't dealing with a human in the slightest. whatever he was... you were making direct contact with and felt your blood run colder. still you did your best to stay calm and composed. you remembered that page you read about in one of your books, a legendary creature that was rumored to be lurking around. could he be what you were looking for?.. he was a lot bigger that you expected. you noticed you were still holding his hand and rubbed your thumb against his soft fur and you let out a soft exhale "fluffy." you note. he chuckled slightly smiling "i'm guessing i'm not what you were expecting"

"Well yeah i was somewhat expecting someone more.. my height" you chuckle. from his fur you were able to make the assumption he was beside you as you slept and only left when you were starting to to wake up. for some reason that brought you comfort in knowing..

"it's not safe to go wondering alone at night.. especially if they might still be lurking. you may stay here for a while.."

"Oh no i couldn't do that, i don't want to impose" you shook your head still trying to get used to who you were talking to

"i insist.. it's why i was created after all.."

you rose a brow "created..?"

"i can elaborate more on that some other time, right now.. you need rest... and food"

now that he mentioned it you noticed you were hungry "i'd really appreciate that" you smile

and so was formed your first friendship in your new town

[hornsent-consort]

Trans Kaeya x male reader🩵❄️

Warnings: reader and kaeya don’t end up together, paranoia, kaeya has breasts, internalized transphobia, slight ooc, self indulgent cringe, no beta reader (we die like men), fluff, little bit of hurt comfort

❄︎ in my heart, Kaeya is not easy to get with. He will flirt and he will make moves on you, but he has no intention of ever being with anyone because he can’t see anyone supporting his identity.

❄︎ he doesn’t tell people that he’s trans. Diluc and Jean know, but everyone else just believes that Kaeya was just a very feminine looking child. He didn’t wear dresses or skirts in his youth, so it was easy to just go with that.

❄︎ you were new to mondstat, and didn’t know anyone. You were able to get a job at Angel’s Share since it was so low staffed. The owner was a nice man and he showed you the basics of bartending.

❄︎ you had a few regulars, all of whom the owner warned you about. The regular he warned about the most was the Calvary captain, Kaeya.

❄︎ after meeting Kaeya, you didn’t understand why he would need a warning. He was talkative and friendly with the other patrons, but when it came to ordering a drink, he seemed on edge. Maybe a little nervous.

❄︎ you thought he was cute, so you made it your mission to have a conversation with him. It was hard since he was very popular. Anytime you could’ve talked to him, you had to go talk to someone else. Just your luck.

❄︎ you actually had days off Tuesdays and Wednesdays. You usually spent these days in bed, but you needed to go into town for some eggs. You weren’t expecting to see anyone important, so you just went out in your wrinkly dress shirt and a pair of trousers that were much too big.

❄︎ you successfully grabbed your eggs, but when you turned your head, you saw that man. He wasn’t near you or anything, but you could see him standing in front of the fountain. You walked in the opposite direction of him towards the flowers stand.

Kaeya felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned his head. He didn’t know who he expected, but the new bartender at his brother’s establishment was definitely not it. “Oh! Hello Mr.~lastname~. Is there anything you needed today?” You nodded and kaeya cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Uhmm, here you go…” you looked away and held out a small bouquet of calla lilies. Kaeya stared down at the flowers and gently took them from you, “oh.. well, I just don’t know what to say… if I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was a confession.” He looked at you with a playful smile, his cheeks and ears flushed with a deep red. “I just wanna get to know you! It’d be wrong for me if I didn’t make an effort to know my regulars.”

❄︎ you two talked when you both were free, which nearly never happened. The only days you both had off together was Wednesday, but those were the days you liked to sleep the most.

❄︎ you told Kaeya this one evening when he was at the bar. He offered to change his off days to Tuesdays, but you insisted that he shouldn’t change his schedule just because of your sleep schedule.

❄︎ do you think he listened?

❄︎ No.

❄︎ you two spent many Tuesdays together. They weren’t always eventful, but they were all very pleasant. Everything was going well until he spent the night for the first time.

You just finished eating after Kaeya went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You put your play in the sink and walked to your room. The door opened and you could barely process what happened next. All you knew is that you apologized and shut the door after Kaeya yelled. “Was he naked?” You asked yourself. You saw something, but it definitely was like he was completely naked. To be honest, you couldn’t fully comprehend what you saw in time.

The door slowly opened and you turned to see Kaeya wearing a button down sleep shirt and some shorts. You put two to two together and it finally clicked in your head that he had breasts. It didn’t really matter to you though.

“Are you ready for bed?” You asked him as you walked into the room and took off your over shirt and laid in the bed. “Are you… uncomfortable?” Kaeya looked concerned and a little ashamed, but you didn’t see why it was such a big deal. “I’m not uncomfortable just because you’re built a little different from me. We’re friends right? I love you unconditionally, no matter what you were born as or what you identify with.”

❄︎ Kaeya was very happy to know that you supported him. You were now the third only person that knew, and he trusted that you wouldn’t tell anyone else.

❄︎ there was a point of time where you did express an interest in pursuing him, but he had a lot of feeling about it. He was paranoid that you might’ve only tried since you knew he was trans and maybe didn’t truly see him as a man.

❄︎ you reassured him that you did see him as a man, but that you respect his boundaries. You’ve given him a lot of patience and so much more than he could’ve asked for.

❄︎ once again, Kaeya is hard to get with. Just be patient with him and give him the love he deserves. He might give you a sliver of a chance.

Happy pride month to this man specifically

[cazort]

i just spent over a week in Texas, mostly in rural areas, small towns. i spent a lot of time talking to people.

and you know what?

every single Texan i met was much more reasonable than you'd think from the Texas legislature and from the way east coast and west coast liberals talk about Texas. i think people who have no ties to Texas don't realize just how ridiculously gerrymandered the state is. culturally and demographically, it's pretty damned moderate, in a similar way to states like Pennsylvania or Michigan. it has a strong libertarian flavor to people's mindset.

people there are also very caring in their own way. and they generally want to give people their space. you see it in how they drive and how they interact in person, people tend to give each other a wide berth and are a good bit more polite and tend to be more mindful of personal space than on the east coast.

i heard some old guys talking about a trans woman, and they were laughing about her but in the same way they'd laugh about a cis woman, there wasn't a hint of transphobia and honestly it was good-natured banter.

i heard some white people talk about racism, and complain that a particular county's police force was racist because they would drive through it and always see only black people pulled over

i heard a lot of people talking about climate change. everyone seems to be aware of climate change. perhaps this is because Texas is getting hit harder by it, being one of the hotter, drier parts of the US, and in a particularly delicate zone where getting only slightly hotter and drier may be the difference between fertile cropland and semiarid rangeland where you can (barely) graze cattle but can't grow crops, or between good rangeland and desert where you can't use the land for anything.

now i am back on the east coast and two days of driving here and i am sorry but the culture here is not superior to the culture in Texas. yeah, more people here vote blue (only by several percentage points) but i think a lot of people aren't even as aware of climate change because it isn't affecting them as much. and the way some people drive here shows total disregard for personal space (and human life)

so yeah people, east coast, west coast liberals, please stop shitting on Texas and Texans.

maybe go spend a week there and just explore like i did, see what you experience. you might be surprised.

and maybe instead of viewing Texans as the enemy maybe you could approach them as people who could use your help reclaiming their democracy from the people who stole it from them.

[simpingcowboy]

🌈Pride On Navarro🌈

Pairing: Trans!Din x GN!Reader, reader is implied to be queer

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: allusions to transphobia, discussions of queer visibility, coming out, grogus says trans rights

Summary: After settling down on Navarro with Din and Grogu, a new celebration comes to town!

A/N: HAPPY PRIDE!! This was written as part of @flightlessangelwings 's pride celebration!! I used their photo prompt(the large pride flag photo above!) and their dialogue prompts "Do you trust me?" "Hold my hand tight. I'll protect you." This was a bit rushed, but I hope you still enjoy <3 This is also the first trans!din writing to include Grogu!!

Trans!Din Masterlist

It’d been less than a month since you’d first settled on Navarro. The humble two room cabin quickly became home to your clan of three. The morning, as most were, was slow. The twin suns are just beginning their journey through the sky, marking their path with a burnt orange hue. Grogu was content by the pond, refining his Jedi powers through his daily meditations. You watched him closely, keeping an eye out for Din; who had already headed out to care for the ranch you three resided on.

Though most of Navarro was typically just beginning to rise- there seemed to be an unusual amount of commotion on the horizon where the town center stood. You noted a mass amount of ships docking. Though there'd been many new arrivals as part of a reconstruction efforts, these ones seemed…different from the usual material deliveries. There were some standard carrier ships. Some vendors, the ones who hopped planet to planet selling their fine goods. A couple of personal ships. But most strangely were the rounds of passenger ships. Hoards of people seemed to be flooding the gates of Navarro, eager to breach the inner city.

“Cyar’ika?” A familiar modulated voice behind you interrupts. “What are you looking at?” Din approaches. Coming round to your side, shoulder rubbing against yours.

“The ships…there’s so many today.”

“Mmm I noticed too.” He confirms. “Karga hasn’t notified me of any disturbance-”

“No. I don’t think it’s anything like that. Look.” You say, pointing to the branded vendor ships. “Vendors…maybe a market?”

Din looks over the horizon, the heat signatures on his visor affirming the large crowds. “A big one.”

“Would you like to-?” At that moment you’re cut off by an insistent tugging at the hem of your bottoms. A familiar womp rat prying for your attention. You chuckle as you pick him up. “I think Grogu would like to go.” He makes a happy sound, purring under your touch.

Din sighs, seeming hesitant.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen Karga…I’m sure he’d like to hear how we're settling in.”

He grumbles, never liking going into a situation blind. But his apprehension is quickly dissolved when Grogu coos. Batting his big brown eyes up at Din. A small pout plastered on his sweet face. Din huffs, giving Grogu a pat on the head. That is all the convincing it takes.

The entrance archway is decorated in an unusual fashion. An assortment of brightly colored paper is swirled around the entirety of its length. A steady flow of confetti raining over the town. Peeking down the streets, you see vendors crowding the narrow streets. Flags of various colors and designs are hung up around town. Though your first assumption was that they belonged to different planets, as the large pride flag standing in the center of town comes into view…their meaning becomes very clear. You can’t help but smile, squeezing Din’s hand just a little tighter. Grogu’s eyes are wide as he takes in the beautiful array of colors. Each glimmering under the bright light of Navarro’s two suns.

Approaching the entrance, you see a table of pins. Small buttons of varying pride flags sit to your side, but before you have time to draw Din’s attention to it Grogu has already done so.

“No! Grogu! Put it down!”

You hear Din scold from behind you. Turning around you see the Din helplessly trying to wrestle the colorful pin out of Grogu’s mouth.

“Not food!” Din continues. He’s unsuccessful in his battle. Not getting Grogu to release the button until he decides the bitter metal is not an acceptable snack. “Dank ferrick kid…” He huffs, assessing the button in his hand. His helmet tilting as he surveys the curious array of colors. Finally, turning to you he asks “Cyar'ika, what is this?”

You smile at him, taking the pin in hand and wiping it of any remaining mess. “It’s a pride pin. Not for eating.” You emphasize, throwing a pointed look towards Grogu. “Like a mini flag to represent who you are. Each flag means something different.” Din and Grogu watch closely as you explain. “This one represents all queer genders and sexualities. It’s for everyone.” You say smiling as you attach the rainbow pin to Grogu’s collar. His small hands delicately run over the smooth surface.

“What are these other ones?” Din pulls your attention to the table, looking over the various colors.

“Well let’s see…” You discuss the ones you knew, before landing on the one you’d been searching for. “And this is your flag!” You say with a smile, holding out the trans flag pin out to Din.

His body stiffens, his face under the helmet suddenly getting very hot. “Cyar’ika can I-? S-should I?” Din asks nervously. You catch the frantic glaces he shoots into the crowd, and the uncertain sigh that escapes him as he looks at the child. “E-everyone will know…” he says quietly.

You retract your hands, covering the flag. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to wear it."

Din stops you, putting a hand over yours. "I want to but…"

Though words fail him, but you understand. There's a weight that comes with making yourself visible. Vulnerable. To identify himself in a way he's never done so publicly. Especially in front of friends. Before a whole town who knew and respected him. Though he held no reservations about holding you at his side, this was something more personal. Unearthing a struggle he'd been more than happy to bury and move on from since his teenage years. Though his fears were real, the banners of color that swirled around you told you he’d be safe here.

“Do you trust me?” You ask, placing one hand on his beskar-covered chest.

He nods hesitantly. His breath catches in his throat as he watches you carefully attach the blue, pink, and white pin to his cape.

“You’re safe here Din.” You affirm softly. “We’re safe here.” You reach to the table for a pin of your own, quickly pinning it to your top.

His body eases as he sees you attach your own pin. A small coo from his side pulls his attention. Grogu leans forward in his carrier, reaching out for the mandalorian. Din picks him up, sitting the child in his strong arms. Grogu’s small hands grab curiously at his father’s pin. Under the helmet, he goes warm. Turning to you he asks, “Do you think he knows?”

Looking down at the child, you’re certain. He’s not shy or confused. Perhaps it is something in his Jedi nature, but he seems unphased by this information. Something about his reaction makes you think he always knew. “He knows.” You say with a soft smile; enjoying the tender moment Grogu nuzzles his head against Din’s helmet.

The mandalorian leans into the hug. “Thanks kid…” he says quietly, silently struggling to keep it together. After a moment they pull away, the child happily cooing.

“Well, should we go look around?” You offer.

The pair nod. Din continues to hold Grogu in his arms, unwilling to let go of him. The comfort Grogu provides him is too good to give up at the moment. Catching onto Din’s nerves you slip your hand into his free one. Leaning in you whisper. “Hold my hand. I’ll protect you.”

Din can’t help, but chuckle. Though he was certainly the more intimating of the two of you, he can’t deny the feeling of safety he gets from holding your hand.

The market is beautiful. Bright colors adorning each pop-up vendor. You’re sure to stop by some of Grogu’s favorite stores in hopes it will convince him to be well-behaved; it is only semi-successful. The biggest treat of the day is getting to just watch Din relax. With each stop, his shoulders drop a little more. You catch his lingering eye on the transgender flags you pass by; almost in awe of the audacity to just be. Din lingers even longer in conversation with individual vendors who adorn the flag. Though you were usually the one to do the talking, he can’t seem to help himself. Of course, Grogu doesn’t mind…the more time Din spends speaking the more likely it is he will be getting something out of the exchange. Walking up to the town center, a familiar face appears.

“Mando!” Karga gleefully cheers, quick to greet his old friend. “How wonderful it is to see you out today! And with the little one too!” He smiles down at Grogu, who is happily chewing on a rainbow cookie. Karga greets you too, shaking your free hand. “I hope you’re settling in alright.”

You smile at the high magistrate, “Of course, it’s perfect for the kid. Thank you again for the offer. And thank you for holding this event! It’s lovely.”

“Well of course we had to do something for Pride! It’s important we establish ourselves as a free land! Navarro is open to all! We’re civilized now, nothing like the barbarians that once walked these streets. Speaking of- Mando, I was hoping to ask you. Is this something Mandalorians do? Pride- I mean. Is this accepted-”

You interrupt with a light cough, not to subtly nodding to Din’s trans pin.

“Oh! Well, I suppose that answers that!” Karga says with a chuckle. “In that case, tell your Mandalorian friends to come by for the festivities! And happy Pride to you Mando!”

“Th-thank you High Magistrate…” Din thanks him shyly, a sigh of relief escaping him at how easy that went over.

“That went well.” You say smiling at Din.

He shrugs, “As good as I could’ve imagined.”

“Now come on! Let’s see if we can get a good spot for the fireworks, huh?”

Hidden under the helmet, is a small smile spreading across Din’s face. He follows silently, letting the decision be between you and Grogu. You settle atop a ridge, in the perfect place to see the fireworks bloom over the town center. Din sits beside you, legs spread out in front of him. Grogu sits at the end of Din’s feet, happily digging through the bag of goodies he got through the day. You take your position at Din’s side, your head resting against his pauldron. Your hand entwined with his rests on his thigh. Anticipation building as the time nears.

He dips his head down to yours, “Cyar’ika?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what, Din?”

“For loving me.”

With that an explosion of colors graces the skyline. A boom of cheers erupts from the crowd.

“You’re very easy to love...”

Tucked away under the safety of the mountain ridge, Din is unable to stop himself. Lifting the lip of his helmet enough to press himself to you. All the words of his unspoken appreciation for you translating themselves through the fire of his kiss. The fireworks are quickly forgotten, this moment of intimacy taking superiority. Not even the roaring boom of each firework is enough to tear you away. Only the high pitched cheer of the child is enough to draw your attention away from each other. You both turn away from one another, looking at Grogu who smiles brightly, pointing up at the sky. Where a sudden explosion of blue, pink, and white fill the sky. Matching perfectly to the pin attached to Din’s cape. And an unknown pride fills the Mandalorian’s once beskar-clad heart.

[cat-fried-fiend]

trans Techno SBI fanfic part 1

This is the first part of a fanfic I've been writing. Just felt like sharing :)

part 2

TW: blood, discussion of a period, gender dysphoria, internalized transphobia, harmful ideas about weakness

-----------------

“Phil!” Techno shouts, unfamiliar fear knotted in his gut.

There’s the sound of stumbling footsteps racing up the stairs and then Techno’s bedroom door is being yanked open. Phil’s hair is messy, hanging loose around his shoulders and he’s still dressed in his pajamas. Techno must have woken him up. A brief flash of guilt slices his insides.

“What is it? Are you ok Techno?” Phil quizzes, alarmed, trying to catch his breath. A concerned expression is written on his face.

Techno clenches his jaw and forces himself to draw back his bed covers with shaking hands. Sticky blood has pooled onto his bed sheet, staining his pants and covers in a vibrant red.

“Shit mate! Did you hurt yourself?” Phil yelps, approaching Techno where he sits curled with his knees drawn up to his chest.

“No, I just woke up,” Techno responds, absently gnawing at the place where his lip wrapped around his small tusks. It’s not a lie really, he could barely notice the pain that is stabbing his abdomen.

Early morning light drifts through the window and the few birds awake have taken up chirping. It’s a warm, cozy scene. Usually, Techno would find it a comforting reminder of the sun beginning to rise. But today, all his normal feelings seem to have evaporated and been replaced with a dull pinching ache instead. Hurriedly, Techno shoves away the sudden urge to cry which may even be more startling than the blood he’d awoken to.

“And you didn’t scratch yourself with your tusks or injure yourself in your sleep?” Phil questions, less frazzled now, surveying Techno’s bed covers.

“No.”

Phil hums, face drawing into a confused expression. Then he apparently connects something in his mind as his face settles into a tense, guilty, sort of near grimace. It’s almost the same expression that Phil always wears when he’s forced to deal with an awkward situation. But as Phil hasn’t accidentally caught Wilbur and Quackity together with the door shut, Techno isn’t sure why he’s wearing it. Or why a there’s an obvious look of guilt in his eyes.

“Uhh… mate,” Phil says hesitantly, like he’s half sure about what he’s asking, “has anyone told you about a…. period?”

“A period? Of what?”  Techno asks, a scowl starting to grow on his face. He doesn’t know what Phil is going on about. He could be bleeding out and Phil’s changing the subject? Irritation stretches through him as blood begins to dry and itch on his legs and the pain inside his gut just persists.

“Like…” Phil makes a confusing gesture with his hands then grimaces again and aborts his visual demonstration. The man slumps down onto the bottom of Techno’s bed. Sighing, Phil runs a hand through his hair and turns to face Techno.

“Look mate, there’s a few things I think …. I didn’t realize about…yourself,” Phil says slowly.

Confusion continues to pester Techno’s mind. He had already learned about his piglin heritage, years ago. Nothing Phil is deciding to currently discuss connects to the blood staining his mattress. Techno snorts in annoyance and hugs his legs tighter to his chest.

“Ok… so,” Phil stalls, trying to figure out what to say, “You know you’re a piglin hybrid and piglins I think have a different sort of ah… biology and anatomy around procreation.”

Techno nods.

“I didn’t even know this was a possibility, but I guess I shouldn’t have assumed….” Phil’s eyes stare past Techno caught in some distant memory. After a moment Phil shakes his head and continues.

“Humans are different. There’re people like me and Wilbur and others like Puffy and… you I suppose.”

“But you know how to fight too-” Techno argues.

A small but amused grin flashes glints on Phil’s face, and his expression relaxes a fraction.

“It’s not the fighting mate.”

Techno wracks his brain for any other connection but comes up empty.

“I guess you both have the ability to get pregnant-” No, Techno panics, no I really don’t need that ability. Icy fear slips into Techno’s gut. Suddenly, he has a horrible idea of where this is headed.

“-And because of that there are some things that your body does to prepare for a baby. Some of these things happen to be bleeding from your….” Phil makes a gesture and Techno can make a decent assumption of what Phil means.

As he quickly jerks his head in a nod, humiliation quickly joins the circus of horrible feelings that have taken up residence inside. Nausea swirls and crashes in his gut. A vicious, familiar wrongness sickens his chest. It tangles with his fear and knots around his heart. Pain, aching and somehow so familiar condenses into a dagger that shreds Techno’s reality. Wetness wells in his eyes, a lump chokes his throat, and Techno really wants Phil to shut up.

Instead, he just tucks his head into his knees and lets the darkness consume him.

Nothing can harm him here. Here he has no body. Here he can just exist in nothingness.

“Mate?” Phil asks in a concerned voice. The bed shifts and Phil is suddenly sitting beside him, somehow managing to lean back against the carved headboard, wings shifting to flare out behind Techno. Warmth radiates from Phil, and Techno resists the urge to curl into his side. That would mean leaving the darkness and admitting weakness. And Techno loathes that idea.

“I’m so sorry you had to find out this way Techno, I should have told you long ago that this could happen. Fuck, I should have even just given you a basic biology lesson. I guess I was too focused on getting you settled in than educating you on human anatomy.”

Techno makes a sound that is entirely his piglin side, high-pitched and squealy. The maelstrom of other emotions distracts him from the usual embarrassment of making such childish noises.

“Oh mate,” Phil says sympathetically into the early morning quiet.

Wrapping a warm arm around him, Phil tugs him closer until Techno’s nestled against his side but somehow leaving Techno still curled into the darkness of his knees. Feathers brush against his side, blocking out the goldens rays from his widow. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Look, I’m going to ask Puffy to come over and explain this situation in more detail. But the basic idea is that you’re going to bleed every month-”

Techno’s head shoots upward, a wild look flaring in his red eyes. The nausea inside has doubled, and the ropes knotted in his chest stretch taut. Techno’s faced countless battles, seen and caused the gruesome deaths of too many people to name. He’s killed and nearly been killed, done what he’s needed to stay alive. And through it all, he’s tried his hardest not to show any weakness, terrified of how it could be used against him.

But for some reason, this is what breaks him. Maybe it’s because Techno finally has somewhere safe to live. Maybe it’s because everything in his past has slowly cracked the dam inside and this is the final blow that smashed it open. Maybe it’s because the ever-present ache in his heart has finally swallowed him whole.

Techno doesn’t know the reason. It doesn’t matter. A sob claws its way out of him, harsh and ragged. He returns to the darkness. Burying his head further into his knees, Techno clenches his jaw tight and smothers the sobs that force their way out of him.

“Techno-” Phil sounds alarmed again, “Tech, mate, can you look at me?”

Techno doesn’t budge.

“Please mate? I know this isn’t great-” Actually it’s the worst Phil, Techno thinks bitterly. “But I promise everything’s going to be ok.”

Nothing is going to be ok ever again, Techno is certain of it. He can feel warm blood soaking into his legs. Another sob tears itself from his chest. Disgust swirls inside and Techno has the sudden urge to scratch his skin off. Instead, he just squeezes his eyes even harder shut. A moment passes. Then Phil begins to gently run his hands through Techno’s hair. This only causes Techno to sob harder. You’re pathetic, his mind spits at him, and now you’re forcing Phil to deal with you. He’s going to think you’re disgusting. He’s going to see how weak and wrong you are.

Because Techno knows his body shouldn’t be doing this. That his body shouldn’t even be able to. He knows this is wrong. And now Phil will know that he’s wrong. And if you’re wrong then you’re weak. And Techno can’t be weak.

Still, Phil continues threading his hand through Techno’s hair, silent now, breathing steady and comforting. The movement against Techno’s side and head is grounding. It draws him away from his spiraling thoughts, provides him something else to focus on besides the battle that’s waging in his chest.

“Mate?” Phil asks quietly after an unknowable amount of time has passed and Techno’s sobs have morphed into heaving breaths. Hesitantly, Techno lifts his head from his knees, blinking away the spots that swarm his vision as it adapts to the brightness of his room. The sun must have risen fully by now. Distantly, he can hear that the number of birdcalls has increased dramatically. Everything is so normal. And Techno doesn’t want it to be. Because if everything is normal then that means what’s happening to him is normal. And it isn’t. It can’t be. Because if Techno’s wrongness is normal that would mean his weakness is his strength and his strength a weakness and nothing would ever make any sense ever again.

Phil rubs his shoulder comfortingly, “I’m so sorry. This must have been a shock to wake up to.”

Techno gives a small nod.

“You know I don’t think any different of you Techno. It’s perfectly normal-” Techno tenses at the word, “er… perfectly fine to be like this.”

He nods again even if he doesn’t believe it.

“Ok… I think you should go take a shower while I head to Puffy’s, ok mate?”

Anxiety claws at his insides, rabid and feral. It’s already terrible that Phil’s enlisting Puffy’s help. He doesn’t want his brothers to know about this. They can’t.

“Please don’t-” Techno blurts out, then inhales sharply, breath quickening, “please don’t tell Wilbur or Tommy, please.”

“Of course, mate, just tell me what you’re comfortable with ok?” Phil replies, giving him a kind smile.

“Ok” Techno mutters, beginning to untangle himself. Everything feels gross and he doesn’t know why he didn’t realize what was happening before. Maybe if he hadn’t called for Phil, hadn’t shown weakness, everything could be normal, or at least he could pretend it was. And nobody would ever have to know it wasn’t. Nobody would have to know how awful and wrong and weak he is.

“Do you want me to carry you to the bathroom?” Phil asks, shifting off the bed and stretching with a groan. There is the sound of ruffling feathers as Phil settles his wings against his back. But Techno forces himself to focus on Phil’s question. As he is rather interested in forgetting he has a body right now, any attempt of walking sounds hellish to Techno. So, despite the mortification he’s bound to feel, Techno nods his assent.

“Alright mate.”

And then Phil’s scooping him up like a helpless kid, arms under his back and legs. Unsurprisingly, heat rises to Techno’s face, but his mind is still caught in a riptide of horrifying thoughts revolving around how wrong everything feels. For someone who’s built for flying, Phil is surprisingly strong, managing to carry Techno who is nearly as tall as him, without some much as a huff of exertion. The bathroom is only a few paces away and Techno feels a rush of relief when Phil sets him down on the tiled ledge of the bathtub.

“I’ll get you a change of clothes before I leave, ok? Don’t worry about what you have on, I can do laundry later.” Phil says evenly, giving him another gentle smile. Something inside Techno hisses but he can’t figure out why since his insides are a mess of pain, both physical and emotional. What he does know is that he won’t make Phil take care him anymore. He can deal with this on his own.

Nodding, Techno sits on the edge of the cold bathtub, trying to forget he exists. Nausea is still there, twisting and sickening him. Which only worsens with every tumble of his mind. And Techno can’t seem to find a remedy to this horrible situation. To make matters worse, after only a few moments perched on the cold ledge, Techno hears the squeak of a door hinge and the monstrous groan of a teenager who’s had way too few hours of sleep.

“Phillllll-zaaa” Wilbur whines loudly into the silent house, “Daaaddzaaa, Quackity wants to know if he can come over.”

“Not right now mate,” Phil calls back, much quieter than his son. “Tell him maybe later today.”

Wilbur groans again and Techno nearly winces at how grating the noise is. And then he really does wince when he hears Wilbur approach the bathroom. The door is still wide open, Phil not expecting anyone besides Techno to drag themselves out of bed before ten in the morning. So, he can do nothing as Wilbur shuffles through the door and curses at the tile for being freezing cold. His brother is obviously still half-awake since it takes a good couple of seconds for Wilbur’s bleary eyes to catch sight of Techno.

“Tech? What’re you doing up?” he asks confused. Techno curls into himself, trying his hardest to hide the blood that is staining him. But Wilbur somehow sees it anyways because of course he does. His eyes widen in shock, suddenly becoming much more alert.

“Techno, what happened?” Wilbur questions, worry evident in his tone.

Techno just hunches over and glares at the dirty blue and white checkered tile. When was the last time the floor was cleaned, he wonders, just to distract himself from Wilbur’s persistent gaze.

“Techno, I can see bloodstains on your… pants….and” Wilbur’s voice turns much less alarmed but much more awkward, “…. never mind,”

Then Wilbur is hastily ducking out of the bathroom and retreating back to his room. He knows your awful secret, Techno’s mind screeches at him. But Wilbur can’t. Techno refuses to believe it. If he didn’t know what was going on, there’s no way Wilbur could. That would just be another layer of unfairness piled onto this already unfair situation. But life’s always been unfair to Techno, hasn’t it?

Phil returns a minute later with a stack of clothes and a comforting smile. Leaving them on the counter, Phil tells him that he’s going into town, and he would return with Puffy and supplies to help. Techno internally shudders at what the supplies possibly entail. Then he’s squeezing Techno’s shoulder goodbye and shutting the door.

It takes Techno at least ten minutes to convince himself to get off the edge of the bathtub. And then another five to get himself into the shower. Steam billows around and clouds the air as he crawls under the warm spray of water. And Techno’s glad it obstructs most of his body from view.

When he closes his eyes, listening to the water and letting it wash away everything he feels, Techno can imagine everything is fine. That he’s just like his brothers. That he’s no different from everyone else. And it’s not like he didn’t know that humans and piglins were different. It’s just that he thought that…. he’s not sure. But the wrongness inside doesn’t seem to spring from his piglin half. Deep down, he’d always known it hadn’t. Because even with the other piglins, his hybrid status wasn’t the cause of his discomfort. What the cause is, Techno doesn’t know, and he doesn’t like not knowing.

[kdinjenzen]

Any advice for trans young adults who feel small and insignificant in the face of everything in the world right now? Between rampant transphobia, the recent economic troubles, the feeling of abandonment by "allies" in the face of recent behavior, it all feels hopeless and scary and you seem way more grounded than I and I am sure a lot of us feel right now

I wish I had all the answers to this, I wish I had a cure all for all my trans siblings, I wish so often that my own contributions toward making the world better would be more fruitful or helpful.

I am scared. I am jobless right now. I still get hate messages regularly. I’ve spent years being harassed, beaten down, underpaid, pushed aside, and worse…

But I think what helps me in moments where I wish I could do more, wished I felt more supported and less abandoned, and feel just… so scared… is that I’m not alone in all this.

The people who pushed against worse odds and worse treatment helped us get here, now we have a better chance to make the future brighter, we have the chance to care for ourselves, for others like us, and also fight for those completely different from us.

Regardless of how scary things are, how difficult things may seem, or how tiring it all can be some days…

You, me, everyone… none of us are alone.

We are more unified than ever, we are helping other queer people, we are focusing our love on ourselves and other marginalized groups.

We will survive through this, because we are together.