"The nonbinary afab who goes by she/her, dresses femininely, and uses a push-up bra when I—" when you what? What's wrong with her?
Is she not nonbinary enough for you? Is the way she experiences her queerness and how she presents not perfect enough for you? Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny, right? So why is she the exception? Why does she have to hate herself to appeal to your standards? Why is she any less trans—any less worthy of respect—cause it's "not visible"? Queer solidarity my ass. Don't spout this bullshit on Pride, man.
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just out of curiosity bc some people I know with glasses can just go a few hours or a day without them and be chill but I need them on all the time or I’ll go crazy
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DP x DC prompt [15]
Danny accepts that because of his half dead status he won't be able to become an astronaut and he has to find a different way to feed his space obsession.
He decides to get really into astromancy (yes, the magic. He already knows everything about astronomy). He gets himself the more spiritual star charts, old surprisingly authentic tomes about the art and divination cards to go with it all and gets to learning.
Tbh he kind of went into this not expecting much but it turns out he had homo magus heritage from his Nightingale roots and he actually manages to call upon the power of the stars.
He figures he can blame the vaporized wall on ghosts.
Meanwhile, a foreboding feeling like cold shivers run down the spines of several magic users that they can only describe as "a child having figured out they need to switch off the safety on their mini nuke launcher in order to fire it"
The JLD is scrambling to locate the source of the surge in magic power before someone with bad intentions can get there.
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SQUARE UP!
[Image description: Fanart of a scene from Dimension 20's Fantasy High: Junior Year episode 14. The Bad Kids and The Rat Grinders square up in the middle of the school cafeteria. Alt text provided and copied under the cut. End ID]
Copied Alt Text
Image one: The Bad Kids and The Rat Grinders square up in the middle of the school cafeteria. Above their heads is written, "The Bad Kids vs The Rat Grinders."
Image two: From left to right - Adaine readies her magically glowing hand, Gorgug cracks his knuckles, Fig pages Colin Counterspell on her earpiece, Riz hisses, and Fabian steadies Kristen as she smirks down at Kipperlilly.
Image three: From left to right - Kipperlilly glares up at Kristen, Buddy looks on worriedly, Oisin has a hand on Kipperlilly's shoulder as he tries to intervene, Mary Anne has a deadpan stare, Ruben poses moodily, and Ivy smirks behind Oisin.
End Alt Text
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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grrrrr…….. back to the vets this week. this dark area on the bridge of her nose hasn’t gone away, and now I’m worried that it’s skin cancer.
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