#That's some spooky spaghetti

[science-rpg]

Spaghetti Code (Terrain effect) (Maths ; Computer science)

Effected: All classes effected by Terrain

A confounding, tangled web of moving yet interlocking parts. Somehow, "It just works". Movement - 3 , Fortitude - 2 , Wit - 4 , Stength - 1.

[a-heartshaped-object]

Nothing Compares 👌

individual frames below the cut

[lil-pumpkin-ghost]

I am still haunted from Halloween last night. I had a kid come up to me, dressed up as Peppino Spaghetti, and asked me if the goodie bags that I was handing out had any Robux inside of it. How the world was I supposed to respond to that?

[comradecowplant]

Love how the new PLL writers were like okay FINE fans were right to point out that A was never really a slasher villain and continuing to use that moniker for these new villains is a slap in the face to the original evil girlbosses-- Mona, Cece, and Ello Spensah-- who worked 👏 hard 👏 scheming and stooging (sometimes YEARS of preparation!) in order to torture the original liars...... so for these new girls we will call the villains B instead :)

[skyburger]

ok sorry to be a dork but its a little funny to me that video game creepypastas are often titled "(whatever).EXE" and then feature mario or sonic or some shit cuz like. idk how to tell you this but thats a windows executable program file. consoles use totally different file formats they do not run on microsoft windows. sorry man. in the writers' defense though "sonic.iso" doesnt have the same ring to it... i dont think titling stories "mario.bin & mario.cue" would sound very good either. A lose-lose situation for me specifically ← only person who thinks about shit like this

[royalphantompain]

I swear I'm working on Second Draft and not just listening to music and imagining animated videos with my OCs. I swear I'm not crossing my fingers behind my back as I type this.

[onlymingyus]

i want to write you a song (teaser)

pairing; lee jihoon (woozi) x f!reader

genre; smut (minor dni), angst, fluff

summary; You have the best job in the world as Lee Jihoon's personal assistant but his secrets are starting to turn your world upside down.

content warnings; personal assistant!reader, ceo/boss!jihoon, single dad!jihoon, children, grandparents/parents, jihoon has a sibling, coworkers!soonyoung, mingyu, & wonwoo, soonyoung in a menace, eating/drinking, alcohol, jealousy, crying, self confidence/esteem issues, death of a family member (in the past).

smut warnings; unprotected sex, pulling out, cream pie, simp!jihoon, mild dom!jihoon, sub!reader, the dom/sub dynamics are very subtle, dumbification (very mild), innocence kink, lingerie kink, pet names, praise (like a lot -- he is a simp), body worship, oral (f receiving), fingering, handjob, crying (from pleasure and happiness), manhandling, masturbation, pillow princess!reader, i am sure there are more (let me know if its glaring) -- bonus section has its own warnings on patreon.

w/c; 27k and some change (3.2k extra words for patreon bonus) [1.6k this teaser]

a/n; thank you to @junkissed and @seokgyuu for helping me come up with a title for this! it's a 1D song, and I do not go here, but it's a very cute song and title! also thank you to my june for proofreading for me and always being the best in the fucking world. literally going through 30k words of my bullshit... the mvp! anyway, i hope you guys enjoy me simping over simp dlif jihoon! next month is spooky seasons so keep your eyes peeled for that one 💀!  

this fic will be released 9/15 to read it now subscribe to my patreon and click here

“Miss Y/N, will you make me s’getti?” 

You had gotten to Jihoon’s house in a sour mood, but quickly found that when you were around Haein, you couldn’t be upset. She was so different from the previous day. It was obvious that she was starting to feel better, and her personality was really starting to shine. She was like a little bright light in your dark evening. 

“‘Course, as long as you guys have the stuff for it.” Pursing your lips, you open the pantry doors and sigh at the amount of groceries available to you. Of course, Lee Jihoon would have a stocked kitchen. You don’t know why you even considered anything different. 

Pulling a few things from the pantry and then more from the fridge, you glance into the living room as Haein pulls a brush through her doll's hair and hums under her breath. You had found yourself smiling fondly at everything the girl had done, even when it was the smallest thing. She could show you that she could tie her shoe and you were praising her like a proud family member. “What’s your doll's name, Haein?” 

Smiling at you from the couch, Haein lifts the doll to show it off as she moves to her knees. “I used to call her Kimmie, but I like your name better. That okay?” Biting your lip as you push the hamburger meat around in the pan in front of you, you feel your heart tighten in your chest at the little girl's words. “Mmhm, that’s okay with me.” 

Your phone had gone off a few times in the night. From the time that you had left the office to the time that you had put a bowl of spaghetti in from Haein, you had been ignoring it. You didn’t need to check it to know it was probably Jihoon. It wasn’t like he didn’t know you were here. His mother had been here when you had gotten here; she had said goodbye to Haein and you knew there were security cameras in Jihoon’s house. You just didn’t find yourself wanting to talk to him while he was on a date with some girl. It wasn’t until the tenth buzz from your phone on the kitchen counter as you put leftovers into a container, you let out an annoyed breath and turned the phone over to read your texts. 

Lee Jihoon: Thank you again for helping me out. I owe you big time

Lee Jihoon: Soonyoung said you were upset when you left. Is everything okay?

Lee Jihoon: Y/N? 

Lee Jihoon: Are you mad at me?

Lee Jihoon: Could we talk when I get home?

Lee Jihoon: How is Haein? Are you guys doing okay?

Lee Jihoon: I checked the camera. I hate doing that. Seems like you guys are having a good time

Lee Jihoon: Feels like you are ignoring my texts on purpose

Lee Jihoon: What did I do???

Lee Jihoon: We are going to talk. 

Shaking your head, you send a single text message back to Jihoon before slipping your phone into your pocket and making your way over to the couch and Haein. “What are we watching?” Giggling, Haein tells you about her Barbie movie and you listen even as you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Your stomach in knots, you sigh softly and offer the girl beside you a smile as she adjusts to sit against you, her head against your shoulder, before pulling your arm around her tightly. 

Y/N: Haein is doing great. No need to rush back. Enjoy your date, Mr. Lee. 

Lee Jihoon: Be home soon, Miss Y/L/N. 

You didn’t give your phone much more thought; instead, you focused on Haein as she shifted against you to lay in your lap. Your eyes are moving between her and the movie as your fingers brush her hair back from her face. You watch as her eyes slowly close and her breaths become steady and softer, sleep taking her attention from the movie. 

Sighing softly, you feel your chest tighten at the sight of the little girl asleep in your lap, but more so at the feeling it gives you. You enjoy being close to her. You like that she is happy and feels comfortable enough to sleep. Despite only knowing her for a short time, you find yourself getting attached to Haein. 

Shrugging his coat off, Jihoon furrows his brows tightly as he moves through the house towards the living room and the sound of the television. He was frustrated that you hadn’t been answering his messages, but that last message from you had told him more than enough about why you were acting the way you were. 

He knew how he felt about you, even if it was a little terrifying for him, but if you were going to sulk and avoid him thinking that he was on a date, clearly you felt something for him too. With a plan in mind—to address the problem head-on right away—Jihoon moves into the room, only to stop in his tracks at the sight in front of him. His plan goes right out the window when he sees your fingers lazily brushing through Haein’s hair as she sleeps in your lap. Now there was no way he could avoid how he felt about you, not when you were the picture of everything he wanted in his life right in front of his eyes. 

“Y/N…” Jihoon’s soft voice causes your brows to furrow as you sit up slightly, only to feel his fingers slide along your shoulders to keep you from moving to quickly and startling Haein. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Don’t wake her. She looks so peaceful.” Leaning over your shoulder, Jihoon smiles brightly as he carefully guides his fingers along the side of yours over Haein’s head with a sigh. “She looks happy.” 

Jihoon had never been this close to you before and with where he had just come from, you find yourself leaning your head away from his cheek to give him space before moving your hand from his daughter’s head. “Mm, I hope she is. I can let you take her so I can get out of the way.” 

Rolling his eyes, Jihoon sighs as he turns his head towards you to meet your eyes. “You aren’t in the way, Y/N. Would you stop this? You’ve avoided my messages all evening. I want to talk about what’s going on, but I do want to get Haein in her room first.” Lifting his brows, Jihoon waits for you to nod before he stands back to his full height and moves around the couch to slide his arms under her, pulling her against his chest. 

Glancing over his shoulder as he takes a step towards the hall, Jihoon swallows hard, hearing you shift behind him. “Please don’t leave, okay? For me? Give me like five minutes to put my daughter in her bed and then I’ll be back.” You wanted to tell him no and leave, but the look on his face and the way he phrased his words made you settle back into the couch with another nod. 

Jihoon kept his promise and less than five minutes later, you watched a less put-together Lee Jihoon make his way back into the living room. Running his fingers through his hair, he then unbuttons his sleeves and pushes them up to his elbows before finally meeting your eyes allowing you to see how nervous he really is. 

“I’m pretty tired, Mr. Lee. I should be getting home soo—” 

“I wasn’t on a date, Y/N.”

It isn’t just Jihoon cutting you off that makes you stop, but also what he has to say. Tilting your head, you shift nervously on the couch as he sits down next to you, closer than you anticipate. “That’s what you wrote me. Your last text... To enjoy my date? I was out for a business dinner with Seokmin and his manager. I haven’t been on a date in over two years.” 

It was none of your business. He didn’t need to tell you this and you shouldn’t have even said anything. You feel guilt sitting on your shoulders as you look down at your hands and push your fingers into your palm. “Oh… Well, you don’t owe me any explanations.”

You were so devastatingly beautiful and frustrating at the same time. Scoffing, Jihoon shakes his head as his eyes stay fixed on your fingers as you nervously dig them into your palm. “Clearly I do, and I should have just explained it before when I asked you to stay with Haein tonight. There are a lot of things I need to explain to you, I think, based on how you are reacting and how Soonyoung said you left at work.” 

Now you feel like a fool. Embarrassment washes over you and you lift your head, meeting Jihoon’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m—that’s so… God. I am so embarrassed, Jihoon. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I acted like a child when I left work; I said stupid shit.” 

You watch a smirk pull at Jihoon’s lips before he glances down and nods. Obviously, Soonyoung had told him what had happened, perhaps in detail. “Made me realize that I’m maybe not alone in feeling something between us. If you can get that jealous over the idea of a date.” 

Heat rises along your neck and into your face as you look away from Jihoon at what his words imply. Pressing your lips together, you furrow your brows as your brain goes from misfiring to giving you approximately a hundred reasons to bolt for the door, including the fact that Jihoon is your boss. 

“Am I wrong? ‘Cause I like you, Y/N. I mean, fuck—I really like you.” Trying to hide your smile, you lift your hand, pushing at your lips, before Jihoon’s fingers wrap gently around your wrist, pulling your hand down to your lap as he whispers your name to get you to look at him. “Come on, talk to me.” 

READ THE FULL FIC NOW ON PATREON

© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.

[pixelkind413]

Ok so apparently I dreamt this up but I thought there were memes about Johnathan Sims from The Magnus Archives just fucking hating you the second you start talking about yourself.

It would be shit like this:

WITNESS: so I was eating spaghetti-

JOHNATHAN SIMS: Ridiculous. The strangest part of this account is that the witness managed to restrain their idiocy long enough put pen to paper without eating them both and dying from it. I had Martin do some research and while he did confirm spaghetti is real, any claims of someone eating such a thing are the reason recreational drugs should be illegal. I believe this statement is worth less than the paper it is written on, and I hope the witness dies in a trash compactor forever

And at some point it devolved into memes about the word "I" immediately evoking John Sims' overwhelming disgust and disdain. There might have even been jokes about him being vehemently anti-pronoun, but like all of them, not just neopronouns, literally all pronouns.

My friend who finished Magnus Archives tells me its funny because of his character arc, but like. I just finished the one with the spooky tree and the spiders apple I've barely even started. I dont even know why I was dreaming about it.

[dc418writes]

✨Pairing✨: trucker!Ari Levinsonxblack!reader

Summary🪄: It’s always a time when uncle Ari comes around

⚠️: uncle!Ari (just as damaging as dad!Ari and regular Ari lol) mention of nightmares, pretty much all fluff💕

A/N🎤: Hey guys! Another Halloween themed fic but this time with a softer Ari😌. This will serve as atonement to myself (and others who might be affected) for daring to make my fave dark in my last post lol. Hope you guys like it!!

*DISCLAIMER!: although visual made by me via Canva, I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP of pics used as they were all found on Pinterest*

As expected, four year old Grace had been attached to Ari since the moment you both arrived to babysit for the night. You wouldn’t say you were upset seeing that he was her uncle and that they’ve talked nearly every day since she could babble, but there was still a little sting every time you were greeted with a quiet “hi” or short wave before she was gone and you long forgotten.

Like now as they dug through their shared pumpkin emptying it’s stringy contents while you were in charge of decorating the sugar cookies waiting on the cooling rack.

“S’cold!,” she squealed dumping out her handful of pumpkin guts.

“Be careful of the seeds, you swallow one and a huge pumpkin’s gonna grow in your belly,” Ari warned to which little Grace quickly shook her head.

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“No uncle Ari, we can eat. See?” Before either of you can say anything, she’s quick to set one on her tongue happily chewing until she can swallow it down rubbing her belly. “I’m fine.”

“I guess you showed me huh,” he chuckles tapping her nose and leaving some juice from his finger on her skin successfully turning it light orange. Grace is quick to retaliate though rubbing her hands on his cheeks to leave behind tiny pieces of string as she giggles - and you do too from the other side of the kitchen.

Honestly you couldn’t blame her for picking Ari over you as her favorite. You’d choose him too if you had to pick between the two of you.

“Alright, it’s pretty much cleaned out now. You want scary or funny?,” he asks watching as she adorably tapped her tiny finger to her temple in thought.

“Hmm…funny!”

“Got it,” he nods. “Why don’t you get cleaned up and help your aunt with cookies?”

“I got everything we could ever want Grace,” you smile reaching in your grocery bag full of decorating goodies. “There’s sprinkles - three different shapes I might add - glitter, edible stickers, and stencils to help us draw shapes!”

The way she gazed at the sprinkles with her mouth in a little “o”, you think you’ve got her. Finally able to bond with her over a shared love of cookies like you were in one of those Hallmark movies. Like a little happy family.

“Um..wanna stay with uncle Ari.”

Well, so much for that.

“Oh okay,” you answer successfully hiding your hurt behind your nonchalance. Ari still notices though giving you a sympathetic smile and mouthing, “sorry.”

You appreciated him trying, but maybe you were just meant to be the fun uncle’s wife that barely got a hello. And who tends to go overboard with cookie decorating supplies.

•

“Alright ladies are we ready?,” Ari asks sitting on the navy blue sectional between you and a bouncy Grace nodding yes. During your spaghetti dinner - made by Ari since apparently his was the best although he used your recipe - he suggested that you all watch a movie afterwards.

Specifically, Gremlins.

His thought process being what better way for everyone - more so you and Grace - to spend time together than to watch a movie? Especially a spooky one seeing that it was the night before Halloween. You, on the other hand, had a few concerns on his niece potentially being scared of the little troublesome creatures.

“She’ll be fine. It’s not that scary,” he assured kissing your cheek.

Freshly bathed and in her appropriately themed pumpkin pajamas, Grace couldn’t wait holding on tight to her Mickey Mouse blanket as she watched her uncle press play.

“Share with me!,” she smiles just as Ari spreads the bigger, cream blanket over both yours and his lap.

“I’m not gonna fit though bug.”

“Uh huh! Watch,” she states crawling into his lap and neatly spreading the grey blanket over her legs and his thighs. You - again - casted off to the side with your blanket as she tilts her head back to look up at him. “We fit!”

“Y-Yea, looks like we do.” He gives you another sympathetic smile draping his arm around your shoulders while you bundle deeper under the blanket.

“I’d rather be by myself anyway. Little does she know her uncle is a blanket hog,” you think trying to make yourself feel better.

•

Ari appeared to be right on Grace not being scared. She even fell asleep towards the end with her upper half on the cushion next to them and lower half still on his lap; mouth wide open pointed towards the ceiling. Ari was the one to tuck her in bed, while you cleaned up the blankets and plates of cookie crumbs left in the living room.

You were the last to enter the shared guest room to finally get ready for bed yourself. Your love struck husband taking turns gazing at you and the last period of some hockey game as you strode back and forth from the bathroom to the bedroom. A small, dopey smile on his lips watching you wash your face and apply all your products.

“Share with me?,” he pouts with those puppy eyes making you giggle while sliding into the full sized bed.

“I don’t know,” you sigh, “I feel like Grace is gonna somehow come in saying how she wants you to sleep in her room instead because that’s where you’re supposed to be.”

Yes probably a little petty, but you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

His tattooed arms bring you closer into his body pecking the top of your head as you settle between his pecs. A low “aw” vibrating in his chest while his hands rub along your back.

“I know I probably sound jealous, but I’m not. I love how you have a great relationship with your niece! But it’s like she hates me and I have no idea what I did.”

He knew that had always been a bit of a fear for you. Kids hating you for whatever reason, thus meaning you shouldn’t have them although you did desire to be a mother one day. It’s why you were nervous meeting Grace all those years ago, afraid that the smallest mess up would ruin everything.

It didn’t help that the minute Ari passed her to you, she began whining and squirming. Your coos of comfort and gentle rocks didn’t seem to help, only making her more agitated not getting what she wanted. She didn’t stop until she was back in Ari’s strong arms and you kept your distance the rest of the visit cautious of a repeat interaction.

If only he could get you to ignore that fear and really see how everyone you met - adults and children alike - had no issues with you. Some even left enchanted by the charisma you thought you lacked.

“I promise, she doesn’t hate you gorgeous.”

“She said so?,” you quietly ask lifting your head with a hint of hope.

“Well…no. But she didn’t say the opposite either.” He tried to soothe your qualms, but it’s not helping the way he hoped watching your head fall back to his chest with a light huff. “Trust me sweetheart. I guess she’s just attached to me because-,”

“You’re amazing and clearly the favorite,” you mumble making him chuckle.

“I was gonna say because I talk to her more, but I’ll take the compliment.”

It’s not long after that you’re both falling asleep lulled by the shared warmth from holding each other. Ari’s soft snores vibrating the side of your face still lying on his chest.

You think you’re dreaming when a mix of a whine and cry hits your ears disrupting your rest and making you groggily sit up. Hearing feet shuffling outside your door though confirms those sounds are in fact real, giving you more motivation to investigate.

Your husband’s too far gone in his own dreamland to be affected by your moving; still lightly snoring with an arm over his forehead and the other out by his side.

Quietly opening the door, you wrap your arms around yourself in your thin pajama set feeling the chill of the night air seeping into your sister in law’s house before carefully padding out to the living room. There, you notice something on the couch moving under the blanket you folded earlier causing you to freeze in place. It was then you realized you probably should’ve woken Ari up so he could be the one playing detective or at least grabbed something you could use to defend yourself.

“H-Hello?,” you call out to the dim space only lit by a couple plug in nightlights in the walls.

“Hi,” Grace’s soft voice responds with a short sniffle.

You also realize how you’re sleepy brain might not be fully thinking straight unable to conclude earlier how it could just be your own niece sitting there on the couch.

Stepping closer, you sit on the cushion next to hers peeling back the cotton throw until you see her splotchy face and red eyes. Water attached to her curled lashes and some still threatening to spill over. “What’s wrong?”

“Bad dream…gwemlins,” she answers using the blanket to wipe her eyes. You immediately hug her close as you coo and assure her everything’s okay.

And surprisingly, she hugs you back.

Her tiny arms wrap tight around you - well, as far as they could with her adorably short reach - almost refusing to let you go.

“Yea, when they get angry they can be scary huh?”

She nods. “And have very very sharp teeth.”

“They do, but luckily they’re not real so there’s nothing-,”

A crash from the back room startles both of you making Grace scream, with the six year old nearly choking you now having her arms around your neck.

“It’s them!,” she cries hiding her face in your shoulder just as Ari limps into the living room holding his knee and appearing half asleep.

“Damn dresser,” he grumbles wiping his eyes that quickly fill with concern seeing both of you on the couch and his niece upset. “What’s wrong?”

“Grace had a nightmare about Gremlins,” you answer pointedly glaring at him as if saying, “I told you so!”

The slight wince on his face isn’t just from an uncomfortable knee as he walks forward to perch on the coffee table. “I’m sorry bug. I didn’t mean to show that to you to scare you.”

“Not nice uncle Ari,” she mumbles still attached to you.

“Forgive me?,” he pouts holding his arms out for a hug. “Peas?”

Wiping her eyes one last time, a small smile begins to spread on her lips as she moves from you to Ari. A fit of giggles rapidly escaping her mouth as his larger body practically swallows hers in a bear hug and he attacks her cheeks with kisses. A dramatic “mwah” sounding every time he made contact causing you to giggle as well.

And fantasize the undoubtedly joyful future you’d both have with your own children.

“Don’t do it again!,” she chastises when he stops. Wagging her finger inches from his nose making him chuckle. She was definitely her mother’s child.

“I promise I won’t.”

“Alright guys,” you sigh, “Since it’s gonna be a bit difficult to go back to sleep, I say we watch something happy.”

“Not Gwemlins!”

“No definitely not,” you chuckle. “I was thinking..Aladdin.”

“Yay! I love Aladdin!,” she claps in Ari’s arms as he picks her up so they both can sit on the couch. To both of your surprise, Grace crawls from her uncle’s lap and squeezes between you and Ari. “You like too?”

“Mhm, I even went as Princess Jasmine for Halloween when I was little.” You have to admit, seeing that gleam of admiration in her eyes as she gazed up at you made you silently thank Ari for showing her that movie. It was the reason behind this bonding moment that you didn’t think would happen.

As the movie played, you and Grace talked about the scenes and of course sung along to your heart’s content not caring if you were off key. All the while Ari watched you both with a soft smile on his pink lips loving how fast of friends you’d become.

And when you both fell asleep - you leaning on his shoulder and her across your lap - he couldn’t help but sneakily take a picture with his phone. Sending it to you with a message saying “looks like you’re amazing and a clear favorite too😉”.

[soldat-buck]

holy shit you guys, look, there's more.

bg3 culinary headcanons: Absolute Edition

- Minthara: would accidentally fit in as the Addams Family home chef (and be angry about it). Gomez would praise her assassination attempts which flusters her (internally) because she's cooking with the normal amount of poisonous mushroom and not an attempted murder amount (and also she would hate loud, in-your-face-chaotic Gomez SO MUCH. if she wanted him dead, he would be dead, do not insult her assassinating abilities). makes the coolest Halloween party food until you realize it's not fun, spooky-mimicry decoration, those are real black widows on those cupcakes (what? they're venom and merlot flavored) (she used cricket flour, too). you don't know where she gets the "red" for her red velvet cakes, but you *do* know that ignorance is bliss and this is a pretty bitchin' birthday cake, so don't think too hard and just eat it

- Dark Urge (pre-game/embrace): slaughterhouse nightmare aesthetic - chef's apron is leather and something more appropriate for blacksmithing, there are way too many cleavers around (why in the blue fuck is there a meat hook over a drain in the floor?). some people watch tv when they cook. some listen to music, podcasts, or nothing. Durge listens to the Toy Box killer kidnapping tape (not to be mixed up with the (not safe for LIFE) Tool Box killers torture tape. that one is for relaxing baths). watches Dahmer documentaries for culinary inspiration. Hannibal Lecter would find most Durge dishes tasteless and over the top.

- Ketheric: listen, he didn't want me to tell you this [so you did NOT hear it from me], but he actually doesn't eat. he has a symbiotic relationship with the bacteria and fungus that keep his body animated and undying (they're why his blood is black). he consumes rotten things to keep his corpse puppet fungus happy and the corpse puppet fungus allows him to keep his consciousness/sentience and keep serving Myrkul. Myrkul's cool with it, as long as his bidding continues to get done

- Orin: Martha Stewart would have a nervous breakdown upon entering Orin's kitchen. the average person would consider Orin's cooking to be a hate crime. if someone doesn't vomit uncontrollably upon first sight, she considers it an insult (she grew up with a gross misunderstanding of what a Roman vomitorium is). her spaghetti and meatballs is wrapping a handful of uncooked noodles in unseasoned ground meat (she neither knows nor cares whether it's fish or chicken or cow. meat is meat), then baking it in a casserole dish sprinkled with still-condensed tomato soup from a can. Midwestern casserole cooking brought to you by Hell. doesn't use salt because she finds it too spicy. she has an entire pantry section for savory jello

- Gortash: culinary techbro. kitchen is spilling over with unitasker gadgets ("and THIS contraption evenly distributes heat for the perfect boiled egg! what do you mean 'what else does it do'. it boils eggs perfectly i already told you, why the fuck weren't you listening"), and the most stupid, overengineered 'smart' devices ("no no no, you don't understand, this is so helpful. the fork connects to the plate to measure the temperature of the food, and then the plate changes color to warn me if it's too hot, and then i don't burn my tongue, because i really hate that"). despite all of the pricey kitchen shit that he keeps buying, he's skilled at making exactly one dish: microwaved Totino's pizza rolls

(i'm sorry if Gortash is out of character; my brain replaced his voice with John Oliver's and won't put the original back)

if you want more bg3 culinary headcanons, there's also: the Companion Edition

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: The Return???

King: hey everyone! King: are you all ready for another night of spooky stories? Barker: yeah Barker: if edgar hadn’t just DUMPED water all over the campfire Poe: I really thought we were done Barker: edgar, edgar, edgar Barker: why would you think that Barker: as long as stories remain to be told? Poe: look I just Poe: I really got the impression we were done Poe: things seemed really final Poe: and you know I wanted to make sure the fire was out Poe: we don’t wanna cause any forest fires or anything Jeff Vandermeer: YES

King: though you are right edgar King: things do seem King: subtly different somehow King: more racist Lovecraft: King: no I mean King: MORE racist King: King: transphobic too

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: good newssss my terf deatheatersss Rowling: elon musssk isss bringing free sssspeech back to twitter Rowling: finally we can bring back the forbidden curssses Rowling: but more important Rowling: elon’ssss gonna ssstop the transss from ssstealing the likessss on that one tweet I did Rowling: keep hitting like, the number’sss going down Kathleen Stock: I heard that was cuz they move stuff on the servers Rowling: NO it’s definitely becausssse the transss are sstealing my likesss Rowling: keep hitting that button Stock: but dark lord my finger is so tired Rowling: KEEP Rowling: HITTING Rowling: THE BUTTON

Rowling: don’t worry Rowling: I’ve invited elon mussssk over to dissscusss this very issssue [meanwhile] Elon Musk: awful nice of the princess to invite us over for a picnic Musk: I hope she made lotsa spaghetti! Alison Bailey: this is racist

Elon Musk: eyyy itsa me elon! Musk: I bringa da free speech backa to da twitter Musk: I bringa back de Jordan Peterson Musk: I bringa back de donalda trump Musk: I bringa backa de bowser Toad: but elon bowser is an enemy of the mushroom kingdom!

Musk: whatsa matta for you? You no lika da free speech Musk: de bowser, he compete inna de market place ovva ideas! Musk: bowser, you no a banned now! [Bowser immediately kidnaps the princess] Musk: mama mia!!! Musk: thatsa spicy discourse!!

(You can ignore me, I'm just trying out some experiments to see how this all ports over to other sites)

[gachawolfiebloom]

SMG4 Tale

Chapter 1: Falling Down

What was supposed to be a nice day for a hike in the forest had turned into a constant headache thanks to Mario's whining and complaining. Five minutes in and the Italian was throwing out the common excuses of

"Mario's feet hurt!"

"Mario is-a too tired! Someone carry him!"

"Mario's hungry! Can we go back to the castle?"

"Go on...without...Mario...*cough*"

This was all just because Mario hated getting his exercise and would rather watch TV or eat a plate of spaghetti than go outside. Smg4 was absolutely fed up already as he groaned and told his best friend "Mario, we've only been walking for five minutes." Meggy sighed and tried to convince him "Come on Mario. It's not that bad. It's good to get the fresh air in your lungs and look at nature."

"Pffff what is Mario? A caveman?"

To be honest, Smg4 wasn't sure about this either. It was nice to spend time with his friends, but he could be working on his latest video right now. Those memories of being chased around in the woods at night, only to find out the watermelon man was Melony's dad. And all those horror games Mario forced him to play where they would throw the classic situation of walking around in a spooky forest with nothing, but a flashlight.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Meggy suddenly stopped and said "Uh Smg4...has this mountain always been here?" The other two came up to see what she was looking at. There stood a giant mountain that looked oddly familiar, but Four couldn't remember from where. "I don't think so. It seems a little tall to be from around here." Mario approached the mountain and began kicking the base, screaming "Move you stupid rock!" You're blocking the way!" Meggy looked around and said "It's too wide to go around so I guess we'll have to climb it."

"Uggggg Mario doesn't want to!" Smg4 motioned "I second that. This thing could take hours to climb." Meggy didn't listen and started up. "Come on guys. Let's just check it out for a second. If it's too tall we can just head back." The boys watched her, still unsure as Four sighed. It wouldn't hurt to take a quick peek...right? He carefully followed Meggy behind with Mario's brain still stuck on a loading screen.

"Hey! Wait for Mario!" Both had already taken off. Didn't this seem a little weird? Climbing a strange mountain that didn't belong. Maybe they should have just booked it out of there, but these intrusive thoughts of Four were telling him to make his way up there. Mario tried to catch up with his friends, refusing to be left out. He then noticed a sign that was poking out of the ground on one of the cliffs and Mario stopped.

Mario's face began to melt into panic as he studied the message. The walls felt like they were closing in, until everything went back to normal and Mario shrugged. "Sorry Mr sign, but Mario doesn't like to read. Oh well." He continued on his merry way while the sign said "WARNING: Do not go into the cave at the top of Mt Ebott. Those who climb this mountain have never returned. I repeat, DO NOT GO INTO THE CAVE AT ALL COSTS!" Meggy and Four were almost to the top at a steady pace while Mario was racing to beat them.

He used the umping abilities he developed over the course of many games to quickly get to the top. "Hey! Don't leave Mario-" All of them were looking down a giant opening in the ground. "Ooooo look! A strange hole in the ground!" Meggy was curious, wondering "How far down do you think it goes?" It seemed foolish to test it. I mean there was some vines and small cliffs you could use to climb down a little. You'd have to be someone really stupid or gullible to even try to go down there. Then Mario got an idea. An awful idea. Mario got a wonderfully, awful idea.

"I don't know and I don't want to find out." Four then noticed that Mario was looking at him with a conniving grinch face. "Mario dares Smg4 to climb down that hole."

"WHAT!? NO! WHAT HAPPENS IF I FALL!?" Meggy nodded and said "He's right Red. That's not very safe." Mario didn't listen and began teasing Four to get him to go down. "You're being a whiny baby Smg4. Just climb down to that platform...unless you're too scared." Now this was Four's weakness. That and a million other things. But every time someone challenged or pressured him to do something, he never missed an opportunity to prove them wrong. "I'm not scared!"

Mario was not thinking of the dangers at all and continued with the banter. "Oh lookie Meggy! Smg4 is scared! He's too chicken to climb down!" Mario began mocking him by making chicken noises and laughing at him. "You're afraid of the dark! You're afraid of heights! You're afraid to go alone!"

"No..."

"Stop it Mario!"

Neither of them were paying attention to her as Four wasn't sure what to do. It was made pretty clear you would be stuck if you fell, but all Mario was asking him to do was jump down to a platform that was a few meters away. The teasing and laughter got the better of him as he told them "Fine! I'll prove it! Watch me!"

"What are you doing Smg4!?" Meggy questioned as he reasoned "I'm not going to let him call me chicken! Let me just get it over with and then we'll leave." Four grabbed a nearby vine and started climbing down. His friends watched him, Mario in excitement and Meggy in concern. Carefully he swung over to the ledge that was pointed out to him and he leaned his back up against the wall. A few minutes later, he called out "Alright! I did it! I'm coming up now!" Meggy breathed a sigh of relief as Four started heading back up.

All was going well until he felt a tug on his foot. "Huh?" He looked down and saw his foot caught in a vine on the ledge. He struggled, but it was really tangled and the plant had a strong grip. "Uh...timeout guys. I've got a problem here." Meggy bended over and saw the issue. She facepalmed and said "I knew this was a bad idea."

"Wut?" She pointed a finger in the Italian's face and said "Because of your stupid dare, Four is stuck!" Mario looked down, noticing Four tussling to pull the vine off. "Uh oh..." Meggy wanted to slap herself again, but consoled Four's nerves by telling him "Hang on Four! We'll find something to pull you up." They began tying vines together to make a rope. Four kept struggling when he thought he heard a snap. His eyes widened and he looked down to see the vine he was caught in was starting to break. "Hurry guys! I don't know how long this vine will last!"

"And...done!" The two of them thew the rope of vines down and called out "Grab this!" Four reached his hand out to grab the rope, but it was too late. The vine had snapped into pieces and Four lost his balance, sending him falling down the hole. "SMG4! NOOOOOOO!" Mario cried out, extending his arm. Meggy held her hands over her mouth in horror. They were speechless, tears fighting to get out.

Meggy's trembling hands clenched into fists as she swung around and yelled "MARIO YOU IDIOT! THIS IS ALL YOU FAULT! IF YOU HADN'T MADE THAT STUPID BET WITH HIM, THEN FOUR WOULD BE OKAY! BUT HE'S GONE NOW! HE'S GONE AND-"  Mario took back the dumb things he said in great regret and said "Mario's so so sorry! He just meant it as a funny joke! He didn't mean to make Smg4 fall! Pinky swear!" Forcing Four to do something so stupid and reckless. How could he have done that to his best friend?

"Smg4 will be okie dokie right?" She sniffed and said "I don't know Mario." She carefully got up and said with a croaking voice "But maybe we can still save him. Let's go home right now and get out friends to form a rescue party." Mario definitely agreed to that plan, ready to fix this mess, but he still found himself just staring down the hole. Who knows what could be happening to Smg4 right now. Whatever it was, Four was going to be incredibly pissed once he got out. Meggy could sense Mario's deep worry and placed a hand on his shoulder. They started to head down the mountain as Meggy called out "Don't worry Smg4! We'll get you help! Just stay right there!"

...

"Ugh...what happened?"

Four opened his eyes as he felt a slim ray of light on his face. It took him a while to gain back his memories, but then it all came flooding back to him. Mario had dared him to jump down and he had stupidly agreed. God, what was he thinking? Why didn't he think this through? Sitting up, he felt something underneath him. A bed of beautiful golden flowers on a patch of grass. Is this why he didn't die? I mean, the fall was pretty far down. Four observed more of his surroundings and saw a hallway past the flowers. The added darkness made it a little creepy.

"Oh absolutely not! I'll take my chances climbing out of here instead!" Four instantly sprung out of the bed that had saved his life. Not even one bit of gratefulness. He was probably too blinded by sheer panic. Desperately, he tried grabbing onto the wall and scrambling his way up in hopes of escaping, but he kept slipping off. It wouldn't work anyway. The opening was way too far away for someone to climb their way to escape. His next option...screaming!

Hey began yelling as loud as he could "MARIO!? MEGGY!? ARE YOU THERE!?" No response. Maybe someone else nearby would hear him. He began calling out the names of his other friends, wishing anyone would answer and help him. "SMG3!? TARI!? SAIKO!? BOOPKINS!? BOB!? SOMEONE!? ANYONE!?" He kept screaming to the point that his voice became quite hoarse. Slowly he rested his head against the cold, cavernous wall and whimpered. He slid down to the ground and buried himself in his knees, whispering "Please...someone...help me..."

Suddenly...he heard...a voice?

Smg4 tilted his head up and glanced down the hallway, hearing someone mumbling. He couldn't quite make out who it was, but at least it could be someone who would help him. He stood up and forced himself to go through the dark hallway. As he got closer, the mumbling got louder.

"Finally...someone has finally fell down..."

"The final pure soul I need...."

At the end of the hall was a huge doorway that held a room with nothing, but a small patch of grass in the middle. Four peeked his head around to see an ominous figure standing on that little spot and worked up the courage to investigate. "Uh...hello?" He reached his hand out shakily to the person while he thought "Is this a bad idea?"

The guy looked behind him as he jumped back in surprise. Four pulled his arm back, but he still couldn't see the stranger clearly because of the lighting. "Who are you?" Finally, the person sighed and stepped out into the light, offering a warm smile. Four was suddenly taken aback as he instantly knew who this was.

"NILES!?"

Niles waved and said "Howdy new friend! I'm Niles! Niles the Meme Guardian! Well, actually an artificial one, but it's fine!" His smile looked a little fake when he said that last part. Smg4 was at a lost for words as he stuttered "B-But w-we defeated you! I thought you died!" Niles looked at him confused and said "You must be new here to the underground. Aren't you?"

"Um...I guess so?"

Niles made a playful shrug and said "You must be so confused." This time Four shot back in a more stern tone "Actually, I have no idea what the heck is going on here!" Niles thought to himself for a moment and told Four "Someone must teach you how things work around down here!" He looked around as if he was checking to see if anyone was there when he knew he was the only one. "I guess you're stuck with me! Ready?"

"NO!"

"Here we go!"

He snapped his fingers and Four suddenly felt a strange feeling inside him. He looked down and saw a heart that was glowing bright red in his body. "What the hell!? What did you do to me!?" Niles ignored his anger and pointed at it. "See that heart? That is your soul. The very culmination of your being!" Four looked at him in displeasure and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. No kidding Sherlock, but why is it glowing?"

Niles ignored him again and continued on. "Your soul starts off weak, but you can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV." Four started to ask him "What does L-" but Niles already knew what he was going to say and told him "What does LV stand for you ask? Why LOVE of course!" Four gave him a deer in headlights look when Niles inched closer to him, making things really awkward. "You want some LOVE don't you?" Four began to tense up. Was Niles seriously hitting on him or was he just having a weird dream because of the fall?

"Don't worry! I'll share some with you!" Niles gave him a playful wink and made a stance like a video game character posing. Okay...things were getting really freaky now. He then created a bunch of glowing balls that was most certainly meme energy. "Down here, LOVE is shared through these little round orbs." Was Niles playing him like a fool? Smg4 was a meme guardian too y'know.

Niles directed the spheres around him and instructed the blue eyed man "Move around! Get as many as you can!" Smg4 was beyond confused on why Niles would try to get him to interact with his meme energy, but he shrugged it off. Eh...why not? Hopefully it would transport him out of this hellhole. He reached out and touched one, but was immediately shocked by a course of pain. "OW!"

Niles started laughing and said "YOU IDIOT! In this world, it's kill or be killed!" Four became incredibly panicked when he saw Niles' eyes turn to red and he flashed an evil smile. Four tried to run back out the door, but multiple orbs blocked his path. "Why would anyone pass up an opportunity like this!?" The balls of evil energy closed in on Four, surrounding him until he was trapped with no way out. "DIE."

He laughed manically as the orbs drew closer and closer. Four couldn't bear to watch this and shut his eyes tight, screaming out "SOMEONE HELP!" The spheres were about to attack him when out of nowhere they just...disappeared? Niles tilted his head in confusion while Four opened one eye to see what happened.

Just then, another seeping ball of light came from behind Niles and knocked him into the wall. Four kept staring at the unconscious man before a girl emerged from the shadows. "What a terrible creature, torturing such a poor, innocent boy..." Smg4 whipped his eyes around when he recognized that voice. "Ah, do not be afraid sir. I am Melony, the caretaker of the Ruins." Four was instantly overjoyed that one of his friends had finally come to save him. He rushed up and threw his arms around her, crying "Melony! I'm so glad to see you!"

She warmly smiled at him and said "Of course. I pass through this place everyday to see if anyone has fallen down." He slowly let go as she told him "You are the first one to come here in a long time." Four's smile soon faded when he realized something. "How did you get down here?"

"What do you mean? I've lived her for ages! But that's besides the point. Come! I will guide you through the catacombs." Melony turned around and signaled him to follow her with a wavering hand. "This way." She went through another doorway in front of her as Four ran after her. "Wait!"

Little did Four know, this was the beginning of a long journey...

[officialcreepypastareheated]

What your crush spooky spaghetti says about you. [Reheated Edition]

Yes this is an excuse for me to infodump now shut up and read the post ya simps. (Some of these should not be read at the dinner table. Nothing explicit though.)

Jeff Harrison:

You like trucker types, don't you Squidward? /ref

You don't care if he's got a rotting eye socket, gingavitus, and Zalgo knows what else, you ARE going to kiss that man and DIE HAPPILY.

His hair isn't soft and luscious. The grease and burnt bits would stick to your hand like raw spaghetti covered in olive oil.

BBG he doesn't just bite and let go he'd borderline cannibalize you. You are walking away a skeleton. (He's not a cannibal btw he's just insane.)

You crushed on Bob Velseb. AY DON'T START RUNNING AWAY I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!!!

Leo Harrison:

Save a horse.

You liked Jeff cause he was Southern but you liked Leo more cause he's SOUTHERN.

That or you're a girlie and respect that Jeff is gay. (thank you for that btw ily /p)

You saw their full bank account, cooking skills, and overall how they can provide and said "Finally, an actual caretaker type who can ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF ME!!!" sorry to disappoint but he's just as depressed as you are.

As a Texan with friends who simp for southerns, I know y'all. We all know why you like the cowboy. (i still don't understand what the southern charm is though)

EJ:

*Walks onto the stage. Taps the mic. Clears throat.* Tendrils.

Hey so wanna talk about the Predators and your opinions on them?

You are simple minded and EJ knows how to do taxes.

BBG it can help you finance but it cannot cook I hope you like cup ramen.

He's autistic too and that is his safe food. Enjoy the sodium.

LJ:

Clown.

Caretaker clown.

You're probably on the aro spectrum too.

Aroflux/Aroalligned LJ supremacy.

I can't be mean if you like or simp for my LJ y'all probably been through stuff cmere. *hug*

You are loved btw.

SeedEater:

So... wanna talk about the monster thing?

Like when it's EJ or Slenderman that's one thing, they're very much human/humanoid, but... THAT IS A WEIRD BIRDMAN.

Wanna talk about Mothman?

You're not kid oriented.

Slenderman:

Alright folks, let's all say it together on 3!

1, 2, 3! DADDY ISSUES!!! ✨️

Oh and tendrils too.

You like to go on long walks in the deep woods.

You're either pretty mature and understand his struggle, taking care of a bunch of idiots.

Or are an idiot who needs extra love and care preferably in the form of headpats.

Btw, big hands. I know what you are.

B.E.N:

Hon, that is a computer.

That is a laptop with a neural network inside it.

How... How are you...

....

Would you just text through the notes app or smth?

I know what app you prolly have btw.

Jane:

Lesbian. I don't make the rules you just kiss women.

Wanna talk about that one zombie girl from Corpse Bride?

Or Morticia?

Or ghostly goth girlies who love to roam the cemeteries on cloudy afternoons in general?

Perchance with a parasol and singing somberly?

Nina:

Lesbian who was closeted or comp het.

Also neglected and exposed to bad people who got you into bad interests.

In general you'd simp for her because you feel her and want to help fix her.

You also prolly crush on Jane/Clockwork and wanna be a part of their polycule. Three alt girlies in one, I can't blame you.

Clockwork:

*Slides you a cup of hot cocoa.* So should we start with how you were horribly hurt and just want to be protected by the big strong rough n tough lady?

Wait can you even read old fashioned clocks?

Me neither.

I'm gonna be so real I'm still working on her rewrite just give me a few more months.

Buddy:

You're one of my besties. (cause as of posting this only they really know about him)

Either that or you're one of the random folks who saw his ref/the teaser comic on the ask blog and thought he seemed interesting.

You're in *that* VN community to some degree aren't you? :/ (it's fine but i prefer he not be roped in with the yanderes)

You like cottagecore and softboys.

If you simp for him you're sad and want a warm little ray of sunshine caretaker type who would make sure you ate 3 meals a day, or you have a savior complex and want to make him eat 3 meals a day. No inbetween.

[thefoalcemetary]

gonna give grid adopts a shot so might as well start strong with some creepypastas

if you need help identifying the spooky spaghettis here they are:

A. Jeff the Killer

B. Zalgo

C. Smile.Dog

D. Ben Drowned

E. Slenderman

F. Skin Taker

They'll be $5

you can either pay with points or cashapp/venmo/paypal when the time comes. 

rules:

1. please don't resell characters 2. changing stuff like colors is fine but i'd prefer if the basic concept of the character remains intact 3. don't purchase if you have no intention of actually using the character 4. put the word tooth in your comment so i know you read the rules

5. you only need to credit me the first time you use/make art of this character, after that you don't have to!

6. if there's something specific you want to see (species, hairstyle, etc) lemme know and i'll do my best

[maybeimamuppet]

43 Janis/ 27 30 Veronica/ 3 24 my boy Damian/ 3 Cady Karen plss

hello nonnie thank youuuu !!!

let’s get into this shall we this is gonna take me another hour lmao /pos

JANIS

43 - 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

loves:

1. sushi. she will repeatedly eat gas station sushi knowing ahead of time it will make her sick bc she loves it that much

2. anything pumpkin. latte. bread. cookies. pie. she loves spooky season so it cheers her up when she’s sad. her most common activity with damian is making some yummy pumpkin treat and one of them crying into the batter or whatever

3. pineapple. it eats you back and she respects the metal vibes of that hardcore

hates:

1. spaghetti. she ate a worm on a dare as a child and never recovered. any other pasta is fine tho

2. fish because it makes her think too hard

3. popsicles bc they always melt weird and get everywhere. and regina teases her bc. yknow.

VERONICA

27 - their guilty pleasures

bold of you to assume she doesn’t feel guilty about all of her pleasures

ummm. buying new notebooks and journals and never using them. one specific slightly more expensive brand of cigarettes. “ocean” scented bubble bath. carrying around new books and sparking conversations with guys about them and seeing how long it takes them to realize she’s never read it.

i don’t know what a guilty pleasure is i’m realizing

30 - sleeping habits

HA

if she sleeps she’s a very light sleeper. she’s always been naturally inclined to stay up late and sleep in but after canon and her mental health declining she’s borderline nocturnal. she wakes up if the wind blows too hard outside and is tormented by nightmares for years so she tries to avoid sleeping until she just crashes. her bloodstream is like 72% coffee.

DAMIAN (my baby boy thank you 😭😭)

3 - obscure headcanon

when (or if) ever janis gets married he just materializes in her house sometimes. janis’ partner is more used to it and okay with it than she is.

they did not give him a key.

24 - most annoying habit

this man never stops singing a moment of his life. shower? singing. cooking? singing. studying? singing. sleeping? singing. and it’s always a new musical song he doesn’t know all the words to or the tune quite right yet and e v e r y o n e is fed tf up. and he also dances literally everywhere.

CADY

3 - obscure headcanon

she can talk backwards. sentences and words.

KAREN

3 - obscure headcanon

tacos are to karen what sushi is to janis.

she will seek out tacos wherever she can find them. whatever’s in them doesn’t matter. crunchy. soft. chipotle. taco bell. street tacos. she’s a wanderer when she’s drunk (and also sober) and the first place they look for her is the nearest taco establishment. burritos? get outta here. she will eat tacos from the garbage if they are available.

let baby go to taco bell!!!!

[starsinthesky5]

how are you today😇😇

surviving.

first it was waking up at 4:30 am. literally pitch black, cold, FOGGY. omfg this morning while i was driving it was giving full on Friday the 13th vibes with the darkness and the fog. spooky as hell. and there literally was no sunrise. just fog. butttt we got food, cute pics, and played games so it wasn’t so bad.

then i had classes. and then i got home and was soooo hungry because I hadn’t eaten all day because I didn’t have any time to grab a meal meal today because i was so busy. i ended up making spaghetti and turkey meatballs (lowkey make this so often so it didn’t take me that long) and it was very good.

later, I’ll probably rot in bed because this week has been toooo long and then actually do some writing which ive been saying im doing but I haven’t gotten anywhere interesting with my fic yet LOL. but I did get a request for a “dating joe burrow entails” headcannon so I may do that for funzies and get it out this weekend!

also I listened to the weeknds new song, AMAZING. listened to tates new song, KILLED IT.