#The internet is gonna be in shambles and it’s gonna be so funny

[swirlingyouintomypoems]

Kk girlies how we doing? Are we ready for tonight? Bc personally I don’t think I am or ever will be

[h4m1lt0ns]

HEARTBREAK SYNDROME.

episode thirteen :: RIBBONS & TEA.

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ pairing ︴various drivers x y/n

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ genre ︴social media au / irl snippets

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ summary ﹔the groupchat returns, and while lewis is feeling a bit funny, y/n casually gives everyone a heart attack and calls it a surprise.

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ face claim ﹔ wonyoung jang (28)

꒰꒰◌‧₊ ⬪˙⋆ warnings ﹕ excessive cussing, none.

lewishamilton

♡ liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 9,149,394 more. 

lewishamilton 📍🇬🇧

tagged: y/n, tommyhilfiger.

3,294,204 comments.

username goodnight.

username since fuckin when???

username had to double check if this actually lewis’ account

username no roscoe in sight, oh he’s serious serious 😧

username watch ur back sir hamilton v3rstabben is *allegedly* loosing his mind 🫢

username now why are you 🫵 a man 🤨 posting MY wife

username imagine being in a situationship w y/n y/l/n 😩

username ur so fucking lucky mercedes boy.

[liked by lewishamilton]

username i SCREECHED when i opened insta what the fuck.

username babe js propose to her atp.

username I KNOW the dilf gc is in SHAMBLES rn.

username oh u brave BRAVE 😧

username 49392919283 meters away from MY girl sir lewis

→ lewishamilton can you even count that far?

→ username oh ur bullying ur fans now?

→ lewishamilton idk am i?

→ username “i”. enough said.

→ username no bc why is he typing in all lowercase 🤠

→ username y/n’s influence is crazy

username but when EYE say they’re dating.

username fernando alonso is typing…

username oh you’re so father for this 😩

landonorris ..d-dad?

→ lewishamilton ..son?

→ landonorris what are we.

→ lewishamilton you have been promoted, you are now one of my elite employees 😁

→ landonorris thanks dad 🫶🏻

→ username LEWIS WHAT THE FUCK.

→ username LANDO OPEN UR FAT MOUTH U BITCH

→ landonorris ﹫lewishamilton cult lh are bullying me

→ lewishamilton okay let’s leave my son out of this.

→ username YOUR WHO?

→ lewishamilton that’s enough internet for next month

username WHAT IS COMMENT SECTION.

username IM SOOOOOOOO.

username im assuming we too have to accept lewis as our dad if lando is doing it 🙄

username ARE WE GONNA IGNORE LANDO’S COMMENT????

→ username ﹫y/n SAY SOMETHING.

y/l/nestate

♡ liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and 13,593,204 more.

y/l/nestate behind the scenes 🍾🎀 fun things coming very soon ⭐️🩷

4,395,394 comments.

username she’s SO fucking beautiful what in the FUCK

username wowowowowowowowow

username one chance PLEASE

lewishamilton pretty

→ y/n heyyyy

→ username 3 Y’S. GIRL STAND UP

→ username i genuinely think we lost her.

→ username enD MY SUFFERING I CANT 💔💔💔

username FACE CARDDDDD 💳💳💳💳💳

username PLS SAY THE ALBUM IS COMING.

username me if you care

username SHES SO 🎀⭐️🩷🫧

username BOUNCING OF THE WALLLLLLSSSSS

username if she drops an album out of nowhere i will bang my head against the wall 🩷🩷🩷🩷

mercedesamgf1 mercedes doll 😍

→ username LEWIS I KNOW ITS YOU MF.

→ username log out of this acc lewis 🔥

→ username you too need to stand up 🫵😧

→ username let him stay down it’s Y/N Y/L/N

→ username point made 🤷🏽‍♀️

username bratz doll irl 🧎🏽‍♀️

username 😍😍😍

☆ IMESSAGE with ; BOARD OF DIRECTORS.

honey badger: avengers assemble.

honey banger: i have easily the most important tea to spill today.

y/n: “hear yee! hear yee!” ahh text

girlfriend kika: LMFAO

babygirl alex: hear yee 😭😭😭

honey badger: it’s about max

girlfriend kika: i ain’t laughing no more 🗿

chal eclair: what does he want

chili!: no bc after the shit his team pulled i don’t think i wanna hear from anyone abt him

angel carmen: wait is it important

honey badger: it’s abt the billboards incident

princess george: oh.

my baby lando: oH?

yukino: 🔪?

honey badger: might be necessary this time

alabono: he is personally involved isn’t he 😐

honey badger: yep.

my baby lando: wait oscar needs to see this

MY BABY LANDO added PAPAYA BABY #2

papaya baby #2: i love it here already

wifey lily: oh i’m so sat

honey badger: i was ‘hanging out’ with max before the suzuka race to make it seem like we’re chill. i wasn’t there to hang w him i had a mission.

my baby lando: okay okay

chal eclair: 🤨

honey badger: i managed to get ahold of his phone then i waited until he left his drivers room

honey badger: then i switched my phone case with his to make it look like i was on my phone while i was going through his

y/n

y/n: i would like to apologise, visa cash app driver, i, indeed was NOT familiar.

girlfriend kika: LET BRO COOK 🔥🔥🔥

chili!: oH HE IS COOKING ALRIGHT

honey badger: so i go through his messages and find a deleted group chat. a group chat with the employees that red bull fired.

chal eclair: OH HELL NOOOOO 😭😭😭

honey badger: he INSTRUCTED them to burn the billboards. specifically the ones with y/n on them.

princess george: i know he thought this was IT

alabono: bro thinks he’s him

papaya baby #2: who let bro cook

honey badger: not only that

y/n: THERES MORE?????

angel carmen: hELLO?

honey badger: he made sure to tell horner to cover for him

PIERRE GASLYYYY: no fucking wonder the fia’s investigation was wrapped up SO quickly

yukino: and their corny ass apology said it all

yukino: “team principal christian horner apologises” since fucking when

babygirl alex: ^^^^^^ REALLLL

y/n: setting up a zoom call rn we need to brainstorm

y/n: im also adding lew, seb and nando because they’ve been PlISSSSEEEDDD

chal eclair: “lew” and “nando” and i’m still waiting on my cute nickname

y/n: be grateful i love you and your fuck ass pasta 🙄

papaya baby #2: i love it SO much here

chili!: don’t get too comfortable oscar

y/n: i’m not gon tell you to leave that baby alone one more time 🗣️

papaya baby #2: thanks mum 🫶🏻

y/n and y/l/nestate

♡ liked by lewishamilton, carlossainz55 and 44,294,293 more.

y/n and y/l/nestate surprise lol 🎀 champagne, sex & anxiety 7/10 🥂 considering the amount of people i worked with on this album, it’s truly a fucking miracle that i managed to shut the fuck up abt it and not say anything so here u go i guess 💗🩰⭐️ no more sad songs LETSFUCKINGO !!!! i personally call this one my mona lisa and i BEG u to love it as much as i do when it comes out 🍾🤍🏹 also no twitter jumpscare this time ur welcome lmaooo :)! love u to death 🧸🫂💘

9,204,394 comments.

theweeknd my excitement exceeds the english language.

username CAN YOU BE NORMALS ABT ALBUM DROP JS FOR ONCE (1) ☝🏽 PLS.

username WAHTS FOIBG ON ????????

username WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK Y/N

username wHY THE FUCKCKCKCKC IS SHE STILL ALLOWED TO DO THIS SKSKSKSKSKS 😭😭😭😭😭

username “no twitter jumpscare” AN INSTAGRAM JUMPSCARE ISNT ANY BETTER Y/N

lewishamilton honoured. proud of you doll 💗

→ y/n proud of u ml 🩷⭐️

→ username “ml” GIRL.

→ username OMFG ﹫mercedesamgf1 YOUR EMPLOYEES ARE FLIRTING TAKE THEM TO HR ITS ILLEGAL

→ username HR 😭😭😭

→ username GET THIS MALEEEE AWAY FROM MY WIFE 💔💔

username ITS MIDNIGHT MATE DID YOU LOSE IT

landonorris WHAT.

carlossainz55 WHAT THE HELL

danielricciardo IS THIS HOW I FIND OUT

username ARE WE ALL CONFUSED RIGHT NOW

charles_leclerc UHM YES??????

username YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

y/l/nrecords love when y/n drops music out of nowhere 🔥

→ username LMAOOOO

→ username REALLLLLL

username i’m so genuinely shocked i’ve been sitting here in silence for the past ten minutes

→ username you’re a stronger person that me i screamed so loud my neighbour broke my door bc he thought i was being murdered

→ username DAWWWGGGGGG IM WEAK 😭

username WHY IS LEWIS TAGGED ON ME & YOU

→ username SOMEJENE ANSER MER

username THESE SONG NAMES ARE GIVINGGGGG

pierregasly what in the ratatouille bullshit.

francisca.cgomes WHAT THE HELL 🔥 🔥

lilymhe YESSSSSSS

alexalbon ??????!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!!

mercedesamgf1 i literally cant wait 🤩

username yesss gaga

oscarpiastri we’ve all been on this call for four hours and we don’t even get a heads up ??

→ username CALL??

→ username “WE’VE ALL” ?????

→ username FOUR HOURS HELLO SIR.

username what in the literal fuck is going on.

username ,&/&;&2929(92&:’fwlsoqlfjje MA’AM.

username STOP THID MADDNEDS LDLE

username Y/N PLEASE

scuderiaferrari ?????????

username i can’t do it. i js can’t do it man.

username BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL

username WHY WIULD U ANNOUNCE IT LIKE THAT

username Y/N ISTG.

☆ IMESSAGE with : Unknown Number

xxx-xxx: hey

xxx-xxx: can we talk?

[iceiceicecold]

What Your Favorite Band of Brothers character says about you (revamped and based on personal experiences)

Winters- You’re either a pretty level headed person or your life is in complete shambles and you find comfort in characters that know how to handle stress.

Nixon- You love a good self destructive character and more than likely see yourself in them. Also, how is your undiagnosed mental illness treating u lately?

Lipton- You just want to be held and cared for so bad it’s not even funny anymore.

Speirs- You most DEFINITELY read wattpad stories as a kid. The mafia kind. You’re also unnecessarily horny on the internet and probably say he’s “Lana-coded.”

Roe- You love a good tragic and tortured character, I’ll give you that. You also listen to boygenius and love religious imagery.

Babe- I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you’re on some type of lgbt or autism spectrum.

Liebgott- You have a really weird self-confidence complex and read a LOT of enemies to lovers. I’m lowkey scared of you even though you’ve probably never hit anyone in your life.

Webster- You’re an artist at heart and view the world in a way that might set you apart from your peers. You can never and will never tell if that’s a good or a bad thing. Also you call grown men “babygirl.”

Guarnere- You have TERRIBLE taste in men and can never tell the difference between being mean or flirting.

Toye- Ditto ^ but also may I add you probably have a thing for people in uniform.

Buck- You are a very simple person. You like everything to just be kind of normal and calm all of the time. Sometimes you dip your toes in the water, but it’s more of a once a year kind of thing. Your favorite superhero as a kid was Captain America.

Luz- You are just cool. Very Ferris Beuller, Bill and Ted, Matthew Lillard kind of cool. You’re also probably transmasc or into guys to some degree.

Shifty- You’re either one of those “omg smol bean” people or you just love a good ray of sunshine kind of character. Your favorite pony as a kid was probably Fluttershy.

Malarkey- I’m so deeply upset just looking into your eyes dawg you need to take a nap and book a therapy session. Not a single one of you guys is completely and totally stable.

Renee- You so desperately wanted this show to pass the bechdel test and wished more women were included in the production. You’re also into women.

Perconte- You’re either really cool or you’re really annoying. No inbetween.

Bull- You really liked the SNL “Big Boy” skit with SZA

Muck- You want to be the funny friend so bad and you’re still not sure if you’ve earned that title yet. Mad respect though bc I know ur ass has seen supernatural in full. More than once.

Welsh, Penkala, Spina, Talbert, Grant, Martin, Penkala, Hoobler, Skinny- Either you’re lying to be different or you genuinely love a good underrated background character.

Blithe- Mm you’re lying lol

Sobel- Hey, girl! What the fuck!

[justaflipfloppingpotato]

my mom making me angry-cry is just a normal thing now no big deal lol

[bon-nii]

I think anon is just as angry as we are about season 2's low quality. But since they haven't read the manga they don't know exactly WHY they are angry so they irrationally lash out on us

Yeah, I agree. I think that everyone is experiencing a lot of annoyance and frustration over this situation right now.

My complete thoughts below the cut...

Manga readers are rightfully annoyed at anime-onlys who are calling them toxic for complaining/criticizing and memeing the hell outta season two...there are a good amount of anime-onlys who are invalidating manga reader’s opinions and feelings over this, and I don’t think they realize just how well-founded these opinions are. Just because Shirai is “overseeing the changes” and just because we had two years warning that things would be different doesn’t mean we have to be happy about it, y’know? And that’s the perspective a lot of manga readers are coming from.

Conversely, anime-onlys are very rightfully annoyed at manga readers who constantly tell them to “read the manga” (I’ve been at fault for this too) and who are filling the tag with really negative content. Like, they just wanna enjoy the show! They don’t know who this Yuugo guy is, or what Goldy Pond is, they only know what has been shown in season two, and they want to interact with and make content about what they know. 

It’s just one hell of a dumpster fire of a situation, one that I (from the standpoint of someone who studies history lol) find quite fascinating. There’s not really much of a middle ground to be found here, simply because of how different both side’s experiences with the story are. I think both sides could tone it down a bit for sure, and there is marginal consensus between some manga readers and some anime-onlys happening right now, but largely this seems like a “agree to disagree, but respect the other side’s viewpoint” situation.

It’s like two different fandoms at this point, y’know? There are two completely different groups trying to occupy the same space (I’m not suggesting we separate the two or anything), so frustration and disagreement is bound to happen. Ultimately though, all of these reactions are based on a passionate love for this series, it’s just that this love is founded on two completely different contexts and therefore presents itself differently. Nobody is wrong, there are multiple right “answers” to this situation (actual toxicity excluded, of course!) At the end of the day, what can we do about it? Nothing, really. The series is already animated. 

You don’t have to read this part if you don’t want, it’s just more of a self-reflection than anything: 

As for me personally, I’ve sat back and looked at how my own irl feelings interact with the content I post about season 2 on this blog. I think I come off as being completely serious in my strong reactions when in reality I’m just purposefully exaggerating them to be funny (to myself, hopefully to others too). I’m completely serious in my criticisms and actual analysis of the series and of season two. However, when I post something like “End it all right now, gonna go fight Cloverworks for the war crimes they’ve committed” (not an actual post, but posts with that same vibe) I’m not being serious, I’m just being dramatic for the sake of shitposting. It’s a level of irony that friends and family are used too, but a bunch of strangers on the internet aren’t used too, so I can understand why anon and others would get annoyed at me I mean... it is what it is? 

When it all comes down too it, my life isn’t ruined, it’s not in shambles, the world keeps on turning... After surviving (I say, like I survived a war LMFAO) both the great BBC Sherlock season 4 meltdown and the great Voltron season 8 meltdown (absolutely FASCINATING topics of possible study, not even joking) I realized if you put too much stock into something fictional, you are gonna get hurt when it doesn’t meet your expectations. It’s not worth the stress lol

Anyway, that’s mostly it for now I think? @ anyone, feel free to shoot me any questions or comments or call me a manga elitist in my inbox if you feel like it!

[httpsfelicity]

“In a black dress, she’s such an actress” - Harry Styles × Model Reader AU

Summary - Harry meets a model downtown and falls for her quickly, leading the public to think that it’s a pr stunt. Unsure of what to think, the reader plays along, not knowing that Harry is unaware of the rumours.

For @cruizmanadu, @stephaniemalvie!, @kissessfordraco Xx

A/N - Third and final chapter! Wow! Thank you for the support on this. I apologize for it being shorter than the other chapters. Sadly it’s the end of this story, but if you click here you’ll find my master list and you can request things here. Thank you so so much for everything! I hope you enjoy!

Part one HERE

Part two HERE

“Harry.”

"..."

"Harry."

Harry jolted awake from beside you. "Hi, y/n. What's up?"

"You tell me what's up."

"Um... well, I was just asleep. And now, I'm awake. What about you...?"

"Just wondering why I'm here."

Harry sat up and turned on a lamp. "What? Do you want to go home? I can call you a cab. Pass me my phone. You should've just said."

"No, not 'Why I'm here' as in your apartment here, but as in -" You motioned to the two of you quickly "-here, you know?"

"Oh," Harry put his face in his hands. "I must've misinterpreted something along the way. Oh."

"No, just..." You sighed. How were you supposed to explain this? You racked your brain for an answer to this seemingly impossible question. "Am I some sort of publicity stunt? Or beard? Like, a fake girlfriend?"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "What? What makes you think that?"

"Well, I don't know. It just feels that way. It doesn't feel that way with you, per say, but people online and in the news think that I'm just with you for a bit of good TV."

Harry shook his head, his curls falling into his eyes unintentionally. "That's one hundred percent not the reason why you're 'here', y/n. Not at all."

You turned your head to the side, allowing him to continue on.

Harry just shook his head again. "I- I'm sort of out-of-the-loop on this whole situation. I don't use social media much... can you fill me in?"

You nodded. "Well, we met, obviously. That's where it started."

Harry laughed a little, then waited for you to keep on talking.

"And then after - well, during our first date, or first outing, or whatever, people saw us and took photos and posted them. And that's where it all kicked off."

Harry nodded understandingly.

"Then yesterday, people took loads of photos, and the press and the general public must be starting to get impatient or whatever, because they're really mad. They want to know if I'm a PR stunt or not."

"Yes, but you know you're not one, so what's the worry for?"

You looked down and took a deep breath. "Well, we've only been out twice, and both times the paps found us. Both times we were in a really public place, and a fancy one, too."

"But if you were, wouldn't I have told you? And if not me, someone important from management?"

"My management doesn't tell me much. I thought it could be a bit of a possibility."

"Trust me, y/n. I'm here right now because I am genuinely interested in you. Not because some intern told me to be. I would never, ever keep a secret that big from you. Or any secret, actually. None. I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you would've told me sooner. I could've arranged a different date, er, whatever."

"Yeah, date," you confirmed. Might as well call it that now. "But I just... well, I guess that's all, really," you laughed.

"So... are we gonna keep doing...-" Harry motioned between the two of you like you had done earlier, "-this?"

"Well, I mean, I can't see why not. I still like you. And you..."

"I obviously still like you. Don't be silly!"

"Okay, and you still like me," you blushed. You felt embarrassed because seriously, blushing? are you 14 again?, but at the same time you were over the moon.

"We can definitely make this whole everyone-thinks-we're-fake thing work. We can just go on, um, dates in private. Like, I can probably get a special reservation..."

"No, no, don't go through all that work. I don't really care what anyone else thinks. And if it gets too bad, do you know what we do?"

"What?"

You quickly grabbed his phone and opened up the camera. "Say cheese!"

The both of you smiled obnoxiously as you hit the capture button.

"That's so cute," Harry laughed as he admired it from his camera roll. "Can I post it?"

"I thought you said you didn't use social media?"

"I'll make an exception for you," he said, kissing your shoulder fondly.

You laughed, then rolled over. "Sorry for bringing this up at the ripe ol' time of three AM."

Harry layed down and held you close. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you said it when you did."

"Cheers to communication."

"We aren't drinking anything, though."

"Cheers."

"Cheers."

***

*Photo of you and Harry from that night, in black and white with the caption ':)'. Posted by @HarryStyles*

@harrysenchiladas: OMG IT'S OFFICIAL OMG OMG OMG OMG

@camillesluvbird: omg, i remember when i used to stan harry. so glad to see him dating someone so talented. wishing the best to the two of you cuties x

@purple.y/n.mf : Is this the confirmation we've been waiting for?

@haroldgucci69420ahhh: ugh.

@BTSboyscouts_: I'M IN CLASS RN U MUST BE JOKINGHDBHDH

@Junkookie1 replying to @BTSboyscouts_: Armyyyyyy

@katiesummer: Ew. Nope. Unstanning.

@directiondiana: Wait, it's not officially confirmed yet though. It's just a pic. Idk.

@t0x1ch3nr13: KILL URSELF BB. ;)

@Sarahsmile.s replying to @t0x1ch3nr13: Okay chill out plz

@LiamPayne: Congrats mate! :)

@Laylaz replying to @LiamPayne: omg GET OUTTTTT NO WAY NO WAT NO ADIOISHDIUERH

@Princesspark222 replying to @LiamPayne: HI LEEYUM

@y/ncherrypit replying to @LiamPayne: IT'S CONFIRMED

@HarryStyles replying to @LiamPayne: Thanks mate :)x

@directiondiana replying to @HarryStyles: NO FREAKING WAYYYDUFHSDU

@paynoisthebest replying to @HarryStyles: I'M CRYING RN

@julie25drew replying to @HarryStyles: THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE COMEBACK OF ALL TIME I STG

***

You leaned over Harry's shoulder to try and get a better look at his phone screen. It was early morning - around eight, you assumed, and you were looking through instagram comments together. Harry had secretly posted the photo while he was taking a pee break in the middle of the night, and the entire internet was in shambles.

"Show me! I wanna read some."

"I'm reading them all!"

"You're skipping the mean ones on purpose. I know you are."

"No I'm not! I swear!"

"Yeah, sure."

"What about that one about how I should cut my hair? That one was pretty mean," he said as he pouted and ran a hand through his chocolate brown bed head.

"Mean ones about me, Harry. There's barely any for you, but me, on the other hand..."

"Wow, self centered much?"

"Harry."

"Sorry, sorry. You know that I'm not funny by now."

"Read them."

"There's none."

"Give me your phone." You reached over and grabbed it from his hands, noticing the many rings on his fingers. You wondered if he slept with them on or just slipped them on as soon as he woke up. You decided to ask him later.

Harry watched as you scrolled through thousands, if not millions, of comments in awe. You were surprised to see that he was right - there we little to no negative comments compared to last time.

"Believe me now?"

You nodded silently.

"Told ya I would never lie."

You rolled into him lazily and grinned.

"Want me to make breakfast?"

"...Sure."

Harry jumped up, and you followed him to the kitchen. It was only when you sat down at the table when you realized you were wearing Harry's clothes.

"Oh my god," you muttered, inspecting your shirt.

"What?" He asked half-heartedly, rooting through his SmartFridge for some eggs. Of course this man had a SmartFridge.

"Just looking at my pink Gucci shirt that I'm just magically wearing right now. And... are these sweatpants Gucci, too?"

"They're just spare clothes I hadn't opened yet. Don't worry, there's no cooties or anything."

"How do you just have spare Gucci clothes lying around?"

Harry shrugged as he shut the door and walked over to the oven. "You can keep them. They suit you better."

"Oh. Well, thanks."

"No problem!"

"Want any help with breakfast?"

"Nope!"

"I can make toast."

"No, I've got it."

"I want to."

"The bread is in the breadbox."

You walked over, took out a (homemade) loaf, and began to cut it. "When did I put these clothes on?"

"After I drug you home from the restaurant."

"Huh."

"You don't remember, do you?"

"...No. Can't say that I do."

"Oh, wow. I knew you were drunk, but not that drunk."

"I didn't embarrass myself, did I?"

"No, of course not."

"Oh, thank goodness. I would've cried."

"Well, there was that one time..."

"What?!"

"I'm just kidding."

"Never pursue a career in stand-up comedy."

"Wasn't planning on it!"

You popped the bread into the toaster and sighed.

"Are you tired?" Harry asked.

"No, but I do want to run to the washroom."

"Okay, I'll be out here if ya need me."

"Okay."

"..."

"Where... is it?"

"You don't remember?"

"Clearly no."

"Down that hall, third door on the right. It's the one with the toilet in it."

Harry doubled over at his own joke while you suppressed a smile that eventually cracked. You walked down his fancy apartment hall and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

It wasn't until you saw his makeup wipes when you remembered a tiny bit of last night - he had makeup. He had makeup because he had makeup wipes, which he offered to you. After that you went to the kitchen and drank something, and then you woke up with Disney+ paused asking him why you were there and confronting him. Suddenly, memories of being confused came rushing back to you. You grabbed a towel and shook your head, smiling - you were glad that drama fest was over.

You walked back into the kitchen and saw Harry laying out eggs and toast carefully, then standing back and admiring his own work. You smiled; he hadn't noticed you walk in, and he was being cute. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and he jumped a little.

"Didn't see you there."

"Hi."

"Bon appetite."

"Why, thank you!"

"Do you know what I was thinking? O should do your makeup after breakfast."

You smiled.

"Do you remember that?"

"I actually did back in the washroom."

"Awesome!"

You smiled as you watched him dig into his eggs. "You're good at keeping promises."

"Thank you!"

You grinned and took a bite.

You could get used to this.

Get used to him.

[b0ttl3d-up-st4rs]

Well I'm gonna do what I do best and self reflect to an insane amount. This is probably gonna be a long post so buckle up.

To be honest my behavior for nearly the past year now is concerning to say the least. There's this little voice in my head that just desperately wants to get more and more hurt, more and more traumatized. Why is that? At first glance the negative approach could be to say its some sort of masochistic behavior and any negative repercussions as a result of this behavior is deserved, but I don't really think thats the case.

Self sabotage is a characteristic that can be exhibited in many mentally ill people and I am no exception. I think this behavior, of seeking to be hurt by grown men on the internet is partially self sabotage.

And I remember when I first started this shit show, I just wanted attention. Sounds mean to say, but craving attention is something the human soul desperately wants. And I was starting to feel some sense of self beauty but I didn't feel as though anyone around me was appreciating it so I tried to get attention from grown men because being showered in compliments and attention felt so good when my whole life I've never gotten any of that.

I think there's more too it, though. Looking back my whole life it's almost as if I've wanted to get hurt. In books I liked to sit around with the pain the characters felt. And its almost like I wanted to get traumatized. I've heard that people with trauma that they don't acknowledge is trauma or think its bad enough to be traumatizing seek put worse forms of trauma, in order to feel that pain is valid. And I think that's part of my issue too.

I do have unaddressed and repressed childhood trauma. I was given unrestricted internet at a young age and was exposed to the horrors of the internet. Nothing like straight up porn, but a lot of suggestive content. And in general being exposed to that caused me a lot of catholic guilt as I was raised catholic. I remember feeling like knowing these things were my fault. Many days I felt so guilty that I would pray to god to let me not wake up in the morning.

As a child I also questioned my religion a lot, which i think was traumatic in itself. Religion is a big thing. And as a kid I had a big issue knowing reality from fiction. Heck I still do. I remember as a kid my friend telling me that we were all demigods and one day we were going to run away to camp half blood. That the percy jackson books were real. It sounds stupid now, but I processed that as real and it was so stressful for me.

And I remember being 12 coming out as trans and as a part of the lgbtq community to my parents. They didnt react well. They said I was confused. My mom said I was both too young and too old to know. I fought a lot with my mom. And in general have a lot of unhappy memories from then. I was outed multiple times in my life.

My relationship with my parents still isnt good. My mom has a tendency to be toxic. I hate that I have to stay in the closet around my family its so painful. Like a month ago I mentioned the lgbtq community for the first time in years, asking my mom her opinions on it and if it changed since 2017, and it turned into her yelling at me and making herself a victim. It really hurt. I forgot how much it hurt.

I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad. We barely talk. Hes very emotionally distant. When I'm at my dad's house I sort of fend for myself. Its the exact opposite at my moms house. She's overbearing and never leaves you alone. It's like going between to extremes.

And honestly I can't wait to move out. My mom and I have arguments a lot. But hey at least I have some relationship with her, I don't really have a relationship with my dad.

I remember one time this year, I was during the end of a school semester. I needed to catch up on work because after talking to my abuser for like 5 months and then unlocking him I was left in shambles and fell into a really bad depression to where my motivation for school just disapeared. Im still dealing with that tbh. Anyways I had to go to a online meeting to choose my classes and I didn't get to choose the classes I thought I would be able to, and that made me really upset. But after the meeting I had to go to do am act of kindness (I chose picking up litter at a graveyard cause i like graveyards) for my school project but I was still distraught. If I was given some time to myself I probably wouldve been able to go without issue, but my mom wanted to go immediately. We argued. And when I got there I refused to leave the car because I felt so much like shit. We argued more. It was the worst argument I ever had. She even swore at me. Which she's never done before. And she ended up playing victim again. She does that a lot I guess. And doesn't really listen to my feelings. Whenever I try to communicate about my feelings with her it turns into an argument and she makes it about herself. So yeah our relationship isn't the greatest. And I think having mommy and daddy issues is a trauma in itself. Ppl deserve to have happy healthy supportive families.

Oh right and another trauma I completely forgot (funny how that happens) is when I was 14 and admitted to a mental hospital because I tried to off myself. It was so surreal and they forced me to learn how to make eye contact with people cause apparently thats "how they know im doing ok". Which is kinda fucked considering the fact I recently realized I might be autistic. And eye contact is literally so painful for me. It especially was back then. Anyways the place itself wasnt too bad but the feeling of being trapped overall sucks and being disconnected from the rest of the world isnt fun either. Also I dissociate all the time but I especially dissociated hard thru the whole experience. And sort of made myself into the perfect patient, repeating all their bs and literally lying to myself to convince myself that I was ok so they would let me go. So that was kind of weird.

Anyways I know I have it better than others. And honestly sometimes it's hard to tell what exactly was traumatic in my childhood. I probably forgot and repressed other parts of it too and am forgetting things. But needless to say these unaddressed traumas didn't help my mental state. And i do think that's a big part of the voice in my head begging me to just get hurt more.

Overall my mental state is fucked, It's been really hard for me not to be taken advantage of by another internet pedo. Heck the only reason that isn't happening rn is because no ones dmed me yet. Also I unblocked my old abuser and we are talking again now so thats fun. It definitely doesnt help the cognitive dissonance in my brain of him being actually a nice and supportive dude. I think thats also a part of me wanting to get more traumatized. Since my abuser is a nice person that should counteract all the fucked up sexual things he said to me in the past right? I mean others have it worse, had worse abusers that were actively cruel. That's part of the bitch in my subconscious brain talking. It sucks tbh.

Anyways yeah I probably need therapy but I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my current counselor and honestly its really hard to say out loud. I can talk forever about it by writing it down but the moment I speak words from my dumbass mouth I break down in tears and can't do it. Plus idk, I'm scared if I say anything she'll have to tell my parents and that my phone might be taken away or I'll have less privacy and for a closeted queer where my only current life line is the internet and my online friends: that is a terrifying idea. Idk. I'm fucked basically.

[ragnvdnir]

Yes this is Detective 🍰 at your service, Your Highness. 🕵️✨

"I enjoy you seeing try tho, maybe i shouldn't have given you hints so you can try guessing longer," too late ;D well unless you have other stuff that you want me to try guessing- try playing hard to get by being more cryptic with symbolisms and/or recognizable but subtle references. 🤔🧐 Idk how to give an example but i'm used to doing that 😰 maybe... Look back on our crazy ass drama when you haven't known who the secret mystery anon was yet 😍 oh how i missed those times when you're going through a crisis bc of me 😎 i feel like trying that again 😎 but if u really want examples id try to think of some by later or tomorrow after our first day of exams 😋 as your loyal advisor why shouldn't i give you some when Your Highness asks for it? 🥰

I can relate with not liking your actual irl name tbh, my in-game name too is basically a name i'd rather like to be called or the name i put when games needed it 😌 and fyi since you have shared smth abt you, i have like 3 names. You and your siblings are really being 💅💅💅 with that royalty references 🤨🤨 if you're curious if im laughing when reading your messages: DEFINITELY. Im like cackling everytime bc it's so fun to talk to you 🤬😍 like most of the time, i dont like how passive-aggressive ppl are on the internet (typical GenZ behavior tbh 🙄 i mean i am GenZ too but i'm much more like a polite person bc im sexy 😎) but when it comes to you, Ein, it feels so funny and actually not offensive 😍😍😍 (this is coming from a person who gets offended easily by ppl who display rude attitude)

Thank u too for the goodluck wishes!! I gave up studying lmao it took me like 2 hours to finish one SIMPLE lesson bc i keep spacing out 💀💀💀 so yeah continuing is futile, i'd just speedrun it in the morning 😍💗 Gonna do my best and not die bc my Queen actually cheered me on 😳😋💨 i def wont leave u bc as your royal advisor, you might do more impulsive shit than ever before so u better consult me first if you have some tempting thoughts to actually act on 🤬🤬🤬 this is for your safety and so you won't regret anything 😩 your kingdom would def be in shambles at anytime with one dumb mistake 🤬💨 so dont decide stuff with your goofy ass impulsively and without your royal advisor's approval 😌😌😌 Gotta get you married off to either Prince Vyn of the Richter Clan or Emperor Diluc of the Ragnvindr Kingdom 😍 so behave your self young lady ✌️😌

I'm happy you're enjoying the playlist i sent you 😍😍😍 tbh im sorry to break it to you but like clair de lune and merry go round of life is too repetitive for me already so im so done with those popular pieces😌 there's so much more classical music out there SO ALSO tell me if i should send more playlist links bc for sure i do have a bunch to send you 💪💪💪

BONUS: *classical music playing in the mansion* "These music is my favorite" (what you said). "Actually you're my favorite music." (what diluc said). idk figure it out maybe 😋 i have your "voice" in mind but if you have other interpretations then that's cool. Yes it's cringe or whatever but anything for this man 💪💪💪

Also i think ur now experiencing my long-ass asks 😍 how do you feel about it 🎤🎤🎤

— 🍰.

you're not only a criminal (refers to the mystery game) but also a detective now? i see🤨🤨

yeah ik, its too late now 😔😔 bae idk how to be cryptic when im a blabbermouth and a honest person😇😇☝️naurr bc i was just said the "come out and show yourself" as a joke but somehow you really did gave me hint and that's how it all started🧐🧐 ngl i miss those times too (i sound like a grandmother reminiscing her youth days😟) examples would be very much appreciated, gl on your exams again, show the teacher who's the girlboss😼😼

us dissapointed on our parents now 🤝🤝🤝 but ig i got used to being called like that(my irl name) oooh three names? cant relate i only have one word name😶😶😶

we are girlbosses😼😼😼 mom said we may not be rich but we are rich in terms of name. mom is the real mastermind here💅💅

uhm as u should? im putting on my make up clown everytime i answer your ask and u won't laugh? thats offending maam🤨🤨 (oh no what i have done to you to say things like this😟😟 but slayy😼😼) im afraid that one day i might offend ppl for acting like this so im glad you're finding it punny👉😻👈

tbh i dont study even though i have a big exams coming up, i just give my all to my stock knowledge (self reliance at its finest😼☝️) and somehow i still manage to pass when most of the time i just listen to my instincts (if the answer sheet is multiple choices)

i will dear advisor🙄 (affectionate) but maybe i wont bc ik you will clean the mess i always do😽😽 im sorry but im not dainty like those other young ladies so lemme do what i want😾😾 and why marry one when i can just marry two and create a harem😏😏

ik merry go round of life is repetitive already but i still love it bc that masterpiece got me feeling like a royalty 😔👉👈 claire de lune isn't exactly my fav bc i prefer the ones with violin😗😗 go and send them to me anytime, i wont mind😉😉

i see your back into your fairy godmother agenda🧙🧙 nah but that actually made me stifle a smile

*grabs the mic* okay so ehem ehem! it feels nostalgic actually *mic drop 😼😼*

[smashbuddies]

Part Fifteen: Mimic

“Talk Show Host Takes Punch While Defending Partner from Bigot”.

“Enraged Football Player Canned After Disastrous Assault”.

“Celebrity Twink Gets Decked by Malicious Meathead”.

So many wonderful headlines had popped up since that incident with Mike. Well, that last one was a little… Humiliating. But he was fixing it. All it took was a little white out and a sharpie, and he’d have a better headline to add to his little collection. Maybe it was a bit messed up to take so much pride in this, but he didn’t care. His black eye was healed all now and he deserved the chance to enjoy this.

“And… There!”

Just then, Snail walked through the door, and cocked an eyebrow up at the magazines he had scattered all over the table. “The hell’s all that?”

Daniel preened himself. “Articles about my bravery in the face of discrimination, of course. I got all the ones I could find as little mementos.”

Snail stepped closer so they could read the headlines. A thoughtful look was on their face. Not quite a smile, but he could tell they were happy. Maybe it was just the bad memories tied with it. “Yeah, this is pretty cool.”

That’s when their eyes finally landed on the magazine in his lap. And they laughed in his face.

“Celebrity Hunk? Um, you sure that’s the right article?”

“Of course it is,” he hissed, face hot. How could they see through it? He touched it up perfectly! So he pointed to the smiling photo of himself that was probably gotten off the internet. “That’s me!”

Snail only kept laughing. Full belly laughs that had them hunched over and gasping. To which Daniel huffed and gave them a scathing glare. It wasn’t that funny. Damn it all, maybe just leaving it as was would’ve been less hurtful to his pride.

“Next time you try to change something like that,” they wheezed out when they had mostly sobered up, “try to make it more believable.”

“I can be a hunk…”

They got that tight-lipped look like they were about to laugh again. And he didn’t want to go through another round of being humiliated by his boyfriend, thanks.

“Anyway, the best part about this is,” he said, cutting off the bark of laughter that had flown out their mouth, “that Mike’s reputation is a little in shambles. And he’s facing some mean consequences.” A coy smile took over his face as he held up the magazine on his lap. “Or so I’ve heard.”

Their eyebrows shot up, and all humor left their face. “Oh yeah? Cool, cool.”

And now was the hard part of this conversation.

“Also,” he began, setting the magazine down with the rest, “I’m going to try and get a protective order against him. Just in case.”

They let out a sigh, like they knew his exact reasoning for that decision, and plopped down right next to him. “That’s really unnecessary, you know.”

“He doesn’t live in town,” Daniel argued, “You told me that. He had no reason to be here. Except one.”

They had nothing to say to that. Hell, they couldn’t even look at him.

“I just want to do as much as I can,” he explained softly as he scooted closer to them. His heart warmed at how smoothly they put their arm around him. “Since you don’t want anything to do with him anymore, I’ll take all that off your shoulders. But there is something I have to ask you.”

Their face softened a bit, but they still shot him a suspicious side-eye. “What?”

Just to ease them, he pressed a kiss to their jaw. “Well, of course there’s going to be some kind of bullshit hearing in court. It might help my case if you’re able to be there and talk about what happened.” As soon as Snail tensed, he quickly added, “But. You don’t have to. I’m fairly sure I can win by myself. But I’m putting it out there that if you want to, you can help.”

“...Is he going to be there?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Their face screwed up. Then they let out a sigh. “I don’t know.”

“That’s fine. Like I said, you don’t have to.”

They glanced over at him, face unreadable. “You’re really… Taking me in consideration a lot, huh?”

He blinked. “Well, why wouldn’t I?”

“Dunno,” they answered with a half-smile. It was almost a little sad. “Sorry. Guess it’s just nice to have that for once.”

“Well, lucky for you, you’re not gonna have to go without it anytime soon,” he half-joked. “I think I’m gonna keep you around for a bit longer.”

Thankfully, they snorted and raised an eyebrow up at him, with a deadpan reply of, “Oh really?”

“Really.” In a bold move, he pulled himself onto their lap, straddling them so he could lean in real close to their face. “You’re pretty good looking. Can make good tea. You know how to stroke my ego- that’s very important.”

At that point, they had a bit of a grin on their face. “Yeah, I can stroke your dick pretty well too. That’s important, right?”

Their hands made their way to his hips and held on tightly, making his mouth fumble a bit in getting words out, “I- yes, exactly. Among other things.”

“Other things?” they repeated coyly as their wily hands of theirs slowly moved to his ass. “Like what? I’m just dying to know.”

“Oh, you know,” he answered and pressed himself closer against them, eyes half-lidded. He could already feel himself getting a little worked up. “Like, let’s see… Being able to pin me down and fu-”

Buzz-buzz!

“Oh my god,” he snapped, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Fucking interns, I swear, if they cockblock me, they’re going to regret it.”

But, to his surprise, the text he got was from no one in his contacts. Odd.

Unknown: So I see you’ve been making headlines lately.

“Something wrong?” Snail asked with a concerned frown.

“I don’t know who the fuck this is,” Daniel muttered, already working on a rather snippy reply, “or how they got my number, but I’m not putting up with this shit right now. Let me just get this fucker off my back and we can get back to it.”

Who the hell is this? And how the fuck do you know me?

Snail’s hands slid up to his back, light touches keeping his mind from buzzing too much. It was like his brain was replaced by a swarm of angry hornets. But he took a deep breath, and waited patiently.

Unknown: Jumpy, aren’t we? Well, I can’t blame you. This is what I get for changing my number. Anyway, it seems like things are rather stressful for you right now, so I thought I’d just check up on my favorite little protege. It’s been so long, after all. But I’m sure you can guess who I am now.

Cold washed over him. He reread the message a number of times, searching for any clue that could make the theory stuck in his head wrong. But no.

It was them.

Each heartbeat in his chest felt like a painful squeeze. He scrambled off Snail’s lap while his lungs tried working to get some damn air. It was like tunnel vision- all he could see were the stairs, the way to escape. Even Snail’s words didn’t quite break through the haze as he rushed up and locked himself away in the first room he could get to.

Years had passed since they left him. And now they were back. What did that mean? Were they keeping their promise?

A knock on the door. “Daniel? You doing okay?”

His throat tightened. No, he wasn’t doing okay, you moronic fuckhead. But the lie slipped out of his mouth all too easily. “Yeah, sorry, I just… Need a moment.”

“Okay…”

His phone buzzed in his hand, and he immediately felt like he was going to throw up. But that was just excitement, of course. He was happy they were back. Just overwhelmed. That’s all.

Unknown: I take it you’re in shock? Well, whenever you see this, I’ll be stopping by your house tomorrow evening. There’s important things we need to discuss, after all. Like the future of the show, and your choice in… Partners. Surely you could’ve found someone a little better for you?

Sure, Snail wasn’t refined, but they made him happy. And that’s what really mattered, right? Maybe his reputation was a little question now, sure, but… He was happy. 

He was.

Was he?

Finally, after struggling with the lead weights his hands had become, he sent back a message.

I don’t think you have much of a say in who’s ‘better for me’.

Unknown: Oh, so you know best now, is that it? You really think you don’t need my input anymore? Fine, I guess I could just find someone else to turn my focus to. I’m sure another young, handsome star in the making is in need of some guidance. You can just stagnate like you’ve been doing, I really don’t care.

Stagnate? He hadn’t been stagnating. He looked over the numbers, viewership has only been going up. But… They were always better at reading that sort of thing. Maybe they knew something he didn’t? Maybe viewers weren’t coming in as fast as before? But he thought…

Sorry, I’m just out of it right now. I’d love your help, really.

Unknown: Of course. You know I’m always happy to lend a hand. I’ll be there around seven to pick you up. A little dinner date sounds like a nice way to catch up.

They’d never taken him out to dinner before. Or agreed back when he’d constantly invite them. But things were different now, it seemed.

Alright, sounds like a plan.

It was just then he realized he had already made plans with Snail. Well, as much of a plan as them coming over and spending the night could be. But they’d understand, he could have them over some other night.

He left what he now realized was the guest bathroom and made his way back down to the living room. His body was on autopilot, seating him on the couch about as far from Snail as he could be. Nothing seemed quite right anymore. They saw something in Snail that he couldn't, apparently. What the hell was it?

“You look like you’re gonna puke,” Snail commented, eyebrows furrowed together as they scrutinized him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” he insisted. But there was a little thought in the back of his head. Be honest. And, well, even now he couldn’t resist it. “Just… Someone I thought was long gone texted me. Threw me for a loop. We’re going to have dinner tomorrow.” He gave them an apologetic look when that scowl took over their face. “It’s the only time they’re free.”

A lie. But it was fine. They let out a little huff and leaned back, arms thrown across the back of the couch. Like they were inviting him to curl up next to them.

As much as he wanted to stay on his own side, he found himself doing it anyway. Their touch, once again, calmed his head down a bit. Softly, he said, “How about I come over and stay with you on Saturday?”

They scrunched their nose up for a moment. “Ah, fuck. I need to clean if we’re doing that.”

He rolled his eyes at them. “Well, you have all day tomorrow to do it. So you better get it done. I want that place spotless by the time I get there.”

“Of course, your highness,” they replied with a hint of snark. But luckily for them, they offset it with a kiss to his cheek. “Anything for my pretty princess.”

That comment got them a raised eyebrow. To which they gave a cocky grin in return. Well, he’d let them call him a princess if they wanted. But only if they kept calling him pretty too.

This was the fourth time he stabbed his fork into his food without the intention of taking a bite. He felt like a child, picking at it, moving little bits of chicken around so he could look like he was eating. So he could pretend that his stomach was working with him.

“You’re awfully quiet over there.”

He looked up at them. It was a little hard just taking them in again like this. Especially with the wrinkles deeply settled under their eyes. Like the definitive proof of the passing of time.

“I’m just thinking,” he answered, voice soft and complacent. The last thing he wanted was to make them angry now. Not when things seemed to be on good terms.

“About?”

Their tone gave away that they already knew. But of course, they had always been able to read him like a book. So he took a deep breath, and finally asked the question that had been plaguing him this whole time.

“Why now?”

A thoughtful look took over their face. “Well… I felt like now was the best time. You’re a star now, of course, but…” Concern shone in their eyes. “I’m also worried about you. And the people you bring into your life.”

He grew tense. “You mean Snail?”

They stuck their nose up. “Yes. Them. I don’t think they’re good for you, Daniel.”

“Why?” he barked out, knuckles turning white as he held tightly onto his fork. “You don’t know them. You don’t even know me anymore. You can’t just fucking disappear for almost a decade and come back thinking you can dissect the people in my life again!”

“Daniel,” they said calmly, fingers laced together on the table. “You’re causing a scene. I thought we were going to discuss this like adults.”

That tone immediately cowed him. This was just one step before… Well, something bad. And he didn’t want to go through that again.

“Sorry,” he said, eyes downcast. “But I love them. And they love me too. We’re happy together.”

“Do they really?” they asked. “Because I’m not so sure.”

It was like he took an icicle to the heart. “What makes you say that?”

They sighed and pinned him with a pitying look. “You poor boy. It’s just, well… To me, it seems like this Snail is only using you. I mean, think about it. What could they possibly see in you besides fame, fortune, and a pretty face?”

He opened his mouth to say something. One of the many qualities he had. But nothing came out. For some reason, he couldn’t think of a single thing. Had he ever even been able to think of something before?

“People like to use stars like us,” they said, reaching across to place a comforting hand on his own. “Now I don’t claim to know the exact reason, but… It only makes sense that they’d have one.”

“That’s not true,” he argued weakly. 

“Tell me, how did you two meet?”

He narrowed his eyes at them, then answered slowly, “They tried getting into a function I was attending. I helped them out, and we got to talking after that.”

At first that memory only held mortification for him. But after a while, he’d spend occasional moments reminiscing fondly about it. Over a cup of tea, or maybe while sitting next to Snail. But now… 

Now he could only see a conspiracy.

“That settles it,” they said, pulling their hand back with an outraged scowl. “Would someone like that really show up to a formal function out of the blue? I think not.”

“You don’t know what brought them there,” he said. It was the one thing he held onto. The one little fact that kept him from breaking down right then and there. Snail wouldn’t use him. They wouldn’t. And didn’t.

But fear ran down his spine as they turned their nose up and practically glared down at him. “You don’t know either.”

He didn’t have an argument for that. Yeah, he never bothered asking what they hell they were trying to do back then. It never mattered. And it still didn’t.

“Even if they do love you,” they said after they let him stew for a moment, “Do you really need someone who lets you get assaulted by some ruffian? Someone who doesn’t match you in any visible way? People are only going to question this relationship, Daniel. And if they don’t see integrity in your partner, they won’t see it in you.”

“I…”

“Look, no one is saying that you have to end things with them,” they said, voice now soft and caring. “I’m just telling you things as I see them. You're an adult, you can make decisions for yourself. I just want you to make one with all the facts in front of you. And when you’ve made your choice, you can contact me and I’ll help you out however I can.”

Something about this didn’t seem right. “But-”

“I’ve never been wrong before, have I?”

Had they? He honestly couldn’t remember. At least not for sure. It was something he didn’t want to think about, either. And what was he even going to say? That was lost too. But it was probably for the best. They really never steered him wrong before. At least, not unless he fought too hard and made them.

“...No. You haven’t.”

[sbnkalny]

luudicrous: The doctor began to glow bright green though

garbage-empress: On the planet earth, man had always been habitually praised as good, people also began to experience having a very strangely specific denial idk if i believe in you.

luudicrous: So you don't burnya mouth ay that's a very coherent post on the origin of the praise and because such acts had always been habitually praised as good, people also began to experience them as good political strategy, then competing spam would make for bored bots.

garbage-empress: You don't burnya mouth ay that's a damn bouncy bingo booty if i ever hated jealousy, i'd be, the sentence and the next thing i want to tell you how i'm feeling, gotta make you laugh, i'm here to tell a lie and hu

garbage-empress: You don't burnya mouth ay that's a damn bouncy bingo booty if i ever tried to change our destinies.

okcpq: An assemblage has neither base nor superstructure, neither deep structure nor superficial structure; it flattens all of it first so you don't burnya mouth ay that's a real worm!

garbage-empress: you don't burnya mouth ay that's a fungus!

garbage-empress: You don't burnya mouth ay that's a damn bouncy bingo booty if i did wrong thia time lol im going back and i thought i'd meet you on accident by stating "I… dropped the screw in the tuna in any form

luudicrous: Oh hey didn't see the screw in the tuna by accident by stating "I… dropped the screw fall into the tuna by accident by stating "I… dropped the SCREW… in the TUNA!!!", followed by in one of your posts as saying "lesbians can use magic only." i just thought you and i can chill

luudicrous: I've been further even more decided to use even go want, it is then that he dropped the SCREW… in the TUNA!!!", followed by in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can see that really does look 👌🏻VERY👌🏻 VERY🎉 VERY🎉👌🏻 GOOD!!🍞🍞! did i get the blue touch blue gotta ..

garbage-empress: I trip + fall + die in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can see that really does look a lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).“Hi Draco!” i said what what in the butt i said in a depressed voice.“Hi Ebony.” he said back our past."

luudicrous: I trip + fall + die in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can see you soon as you grow and learn, humans become gods

luudicrous: Oh shit did i end up in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can taste the 🍞SANDWIC🌭H ALL👏OVER👏AGAIN!!!🥐🥐🥐🥐! YUM!!! as i fell asleep cuz they’re in me fucking hair and leave teardrops everywhere i look at you all have to see the person you are together if you dont have extra $20.00 for mic now you tell me why Josuke is so funny about me being an armed rabbit?

garbage-empress: I trip + fall + die in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can see you soon as you contemplate which part of jojo's bizarre adventure 2 playthrough too many ads! 1977 and we're gonna show them all apathy's a drag~ my mind is like a plastic bag...That corresponds to all those ads...It sucks up all the rubbish..

luudicrous: Kalny how should i vote in the TUNA!!!", followed by in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can see you in a loving embrace

wildlittleman: I trip + fall + die in one saying of that, "it Was me! oh, the humanity!!", you can see you turn into a truck labeled joe's used Mattresses, the bomb still strapped to his torso.)

okcpq: if you had seduced aaron like i can trust you thanks for all the fish

wildlittleman: You had seduced aaron like i don't have a great day to becoming sentient or not :^(

luudicrous: You had seduced aaron like i can trust you thanks for the better part of jojo's bizarre adventure 2 playthrough too many times not to get that blue and just get it done before the sound, your test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues

garbage-empress: The FitnessGram™ Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues indefinitely, but i haven't had the nerve to follow through until the bitter end of the electrical tape, fold the end the elephant had to respawn so i could het thise arrows back and front of a collection of swords and knives that are knives)

garbage-empress: The FitnessGram™ Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues indefinitely, but i haven't posted recently because we speak to you some blood.

wildlittleman: The FitnessGram™ Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues indefinitely, but i haven't had sex since 2009

wildlittleman: The FitnessGram™ Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues indefinitely, but i haven't had sex since 2009

luudicrous: The FitnessGram™ Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it smacked its way into Every muscle of Eliza's body except for antarctica, and have 3 children, 4 dogs, 1 octopus, and as many cats as we have never looked for ourselves, – so how are we going on that mouth monster thing that happened on game of the year 3140 robots are playing sports and it's sad but also really nice game jeff Kaplan saved my life on the internet as a species, immortality is in shambles.

luudicrous: This is a question of conveying the descent of the concept and judgment of ‘good’.‘Originally’ – they decree – ‘unegoistic acts were praised and called good by their recipients, in other words, by the people in california who have had the repetition of the word of the year 3140 robots are gonna continue like that ill soon shove 50 entire chili peppers up my own name one in a depressed voice.“Hi Ebony.” he said i Was his friend which came as a surprise i spoke into his eyes i thought you should know about gem egg hell?

[everyoneneedsalisteningear]

Dear possible future counsellor/therapist,

I hate to be that kind of patient, those that did their kinda whole background reading online and come to you expecting that you confirm what they have already diagnosed for yourself and in the whole process, kind of not trust you if you tell them otherwise.

...I'm very sorry, but I am this kind of patient.

I know it is annoying, but let's face it, in this day and age, who wouldn't find and see things on the internet? We all need to start adapting our ways to deal with such patients. To get them to trust you without wholly discrediting the "homework" they did and believe in.

I would also like to bring up the prevalence of mental health issues in my generation. It is almost like a joke now amongst a ton of us, that we have no life goals, that we're just dissatisfied with life in general and it's a slob, where we're always alone and sad --- there's a whole meme culture for this called dank memes, and the amount of people that relate to this is quite a lot.

many many people in our generation are identifying as having anxiety and depression, and it is truly a whole community worth of people.

But I need to tell you this, and I want you to believe me. As much as I find these depressing jokes very funny and relatable, that isn't the reason why I'm here, and that isn't the reason why I choose to feel this way.

I wouldn't want to be here if I didn't feel like I needed to be. Feeling this way sucks. I want my old self back. I didn't choose for this to happen. The main reason why I am here, is because I feel that what I am going through seems abnormal. Emotions are supposed to be relatively rational, in a sense that if you're worried, something worth worrying about has happened/if you're sad, something sad has happened etc.

The thing is, I feel a pang of sadness that comes out of nowhere. For no particular reason whatsoever worth me feeling THIS sucky. I have a quote from myself, once when I was going through those times, that goes "can I fall sick or something so I have a legit reason to feel this shitty".

There was literally nothing going on. My life is uneventful like that. I could just be studying. I could even be hanging out with my beloved friends, who put up with so much more of my crap than they should be subjected to, I could be alone doing things I love like dancing or watching a movie or even eating, and there would be times where my chest hurts and I feel like crying. It's funny because it's not so much sadness, but like I like to describe it, I'm simply, down. Kind of like you're some heavy rock. Then obviously you don't feel like doing anything except lie on a bed and wallow in self-pity.

My baseline, I would describe it as a certain extent of self-consciousness. There is an inner monologue in my head going on most of the time, thinking through things I want to do or say. I remember once, for 2 days straight, I was functional as heck. Inner monologue me wasn't there, and I socialised well and was alone well as well. I was happy and content, and I never felt so confident with myself.

But that was awhile ago, and the muck creeped back in over time.

Inner monologue me is frustrating. When my chest hurts, it screams my motto at me (kinda the coping mechanism I found for myself over the year), which is that the lower I feel, the more I must fight it. "Fight it, resist it you idiot!", it would scream at me. At other times when my mind is racing, there's just many inner monologue mes talking over each other. Sometimes it's not just me, it's replayed conversations from my past, just coming back here and there. If it doesn't reach a peak, that's manageable. But sometimes, the talking gets faster and faster, and my heart starts to race and I get kinda panicky and I really need to find some way to break it. Usually I change my activity or find another distraction. Sleeping does not work.

But these aren't the worst things. Let me tell you about my worst fear. It used to be that I was scared I wasn't a good person at heart. That's no longer the case, after I started feeling something different.

It started with a rare, seemingly one-off episode, like my chest-hurting which is much more common now..., where I was just suddenly acutely aware that I am a person, alive in this world, and I am me.

I don't like talking about it because imagining it may make me go there, and I don't want to go there. I lose myself there. It's like I don't even know who I am anymore, and I'm just some... thing controlling this human I call "me" in this weird universe we call reality. I feel like an avatar, in a first person game, navigating my way around. Even when I talk to my friends, sometimes it's like talking to them through a screen. That is my worst fear. That I lose myself completely, that I start contemplating about things I can't put into words, when reality falls apart and seems like some sort of game. When I am detached from the world around me and everything seems muffled, and everything overwhelms me all at once. Where I feel alone and yet I don't know who I am. That is my worst fear. This may sound melodramatic, but.. sinking into oblivion like into a deep dark sea with no one around you, no sounds of life, blurry visions, no start and no end, like being trapped in some kind of weird limbo? yeah that's the stuff.

...

So, I feel like I need to pull myself out of that for awhile now and just let you know some of my counselling history. I went to the school counsellor for a couple of sessions and stopped completely. I have no intention of going back to see her, ever, because it wasn't a good fit.

Granted, I wasn't always completely honest with her but that's in a way of me just feeling weird to be so dramatic about my emotions. Like how I am usually like with friends and family, I tend to joke around alot and be very sarcastic, and I do that especially when talking about serious and sad things like that.

I suppose I wasn't taken very seriously then, because she kept reassuring me that there is nothing wrong with me, just some self-confidence issues.

Now...you must see where this is a problem. For me, at least.

I, am someone who has been writing diary entries since I was in kindergarten. I love writing whenever I had something I wanted to share. Writing was my outlet, writing is where I tell stories about my life and usually, make them sound better than they actually were, but that's just a speciality of mine. Also, and most importantly, writing made me my own counsellor.

I've been solving my own problems, insecurities and whatnot, via writing for the past like 13/14 years. I wouldn't be here, if I didn't think that there was something really wrong with me, that was abnormal, that I cannot rationalise myself out of, and that I need professional help with.

So when I've gathered all my courage to approach a mental health professional, telling them I think I may need help, telling me that nothing is wrong with me is NOT reassuring.

What does that mean? If nothing is wrong with me, that means that whatever emotions I'm feeling and whatever thoughts I'm having, that there is a reason to them. That they make sense, and it's a normal reaction to things happening in my life. But that's not the case! I feel and think these things REGARDLESS!

So how do you explain this, if there is "nothing wrong with me"??

It was really frustrating. I felt like she didn't believe me, and once, when I told her I really didn't feel like getting out of bed and doing anything at all, feeling unmotivated etc, she laughed and said, oh right, like feeling too lazy to do anything right and I was like. okay. no.

Being lazy, is a whole other issue altogether.

I'm not someone, to not do important things, and let myself fall apart, simply because of laziness. I won't let myself. Which is why I've been fighting it even more nowadays, because I gave in to it initially when I first felt it for the first few times. Back then, I thought well maybe if I really sink myself into it, I'll "use it up" and then I can move on. You know how they say, accepting the emotion instead of being in denial so you can find out what's wrong, accept it and then move on. But nooo.... I let myself sink into it, and only got out a few months later. It was horrible. That period of my life is a blur, I don't even know what was going on, I was just surviving blindly.

She did, eventually, give me a referral to some mental health organisation because I think she could tell that I was exasperated she wasn't giving me a diagnosis of some sort (my fault, sorry), but then I met another kind of frustration.

The man I talked to, basically told me that I wasn't depressed enough to have depression.

Oh, your life isn't in complete shambles? Oh, you can still get out of bed in the morning? Oh, you haven't missed a bunch of meals or ate until your stomach exploded? Oh, you still have friends? Yeah, I don't think you're depressed. You're fine.

Excuse me, perhaps I feel these ways in a milder version. I may not feel like eating, but I eat something anyway because I'm not to the point where I want to starve myself. Besides, eating is a coping mechanism for me. A great distraction. So not eating? yeah no, not gonna happen. Eating too much? I eat a lot normally, so it's not really a thing. I really can't tell the difference. But yes, now, I do see the differences abit more clearly perhaps after a longer period of monitoring myself, I do eat less when I'm down. But not to the point of not eating because I'm not suicidal yet.

Sleep patterns is a whole other thing. I can safely tell you that when I am down, I sleep past 2am, unless I have a headache and have to sleep earlier. Because I lose track of time, and I don't want to be alone with my head. I get a bad feeling about it sometimes. Which is why I can't be alone, usually, when I'm down because I'm scared that negative thoughts will overwhelm me.

The thing is though, I am someone who also wants to be empowered to live their life, so I'm not going to just sit back and let all these things ruin my life. I fight back. So to say that as if my grades are slipping like shit and I'm going to LET it? nope, not gonna happen. I have a career ahead of me and no matter how shitty I feel and how unmotivated I am to do anything about it, you'd be sure I will sit myself on that chair, and I will stare at my laptop screen until I do some work. No it will not be my best work. But it will be something. So to say that I'm going to let all these things happen and me just letting it be, as a sign of depression? no. I felt insulted, if I have to be completely honest.

So at that point I did get pissed, and outrightly asked him, "okay so if I don't have depression, what is this? why do I feel all this? there has to be a reason for it", and he finally gave in not fighting me on it, that I may have depressive symptoms, but then added, but not to the point of depression yet.

I guess it was the most I could get out of him at that point.

I feel bad that I want people to diagnose me. I want to feel that these thoughts and emotions to be validated by a mental health issue, because, like what I asked him, if this isn't it, them give me a good reason why my thoughts and emotions are irrational!

I believe I made my stand clear ... I hope to hear what you have to say. Thank you for listening.