#Then you went to secondary for the next 7 years

[oifaaa]

OH MOOD I remember making an au for a fandom I was in and very purposefully setting it in an Irish secondary school uniforms and all. Then with another fandom was like “this fictional world’s education system is structured like the Irish one because that’s what I know and fuck you<3”

There should be more fics with very American properties where for no reason it suddenly takes place in a different country I just think it'd be so funny

[jtargaryen18]

One Night With You ~ Pt 3

One Night With You ~ A Halloween Tale in 3 Parts

Masterlist

Read Part 1 | Part 2

Words: 5.8k

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Neighbor reader

Warnings: A little language, references to the sound of people having sex, masturbation.

Disclaimer: The author of this work claims no ownership of characters aside from the reader, and any original secondary characters mentioned. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content in the third act. By reading this work or any works on my blog (jtargaryen18), you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I don’t consent to having my work reposted or translated.

Summary: For @iheartsebstan who was my very first follower here on Tumblr and one I adore. 💕 It’s all about a chance encounter and how it can make everything in your life so much better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 31st: Halloween

The trick-or-treat in your apartment building started at 7 PM. You had no idea just how many kids were in the apartment building because you usually went out with Denny or your coworkers. It was 8 and the event ran until 9. You’d gone through more than half of your candy. And you remembered joking with Bucky that he had enough candy to spare if you ran out.

The problem was, Bucky wasn’t home.

Would he be home? Was he out saving someone as a member of the Avengers?

Was he avoiding you?

You didn’t know who your neighbor was when you agreed to have dinner with him. This morning it was the first thought that popped into your head. With Denny snoring next to you, you were Googling James Buchanan Barnes.

Sure, everyone knew the story of Captain America and his best friend who’d been taken by Hydra and made into an assassin. You hadn't thought it was all that interesting in school. You remembered reading that Sergeant Barnes had been rehabilitated and was free from the dark mind control he’d been a victim of for long decades. That was good news. But, like Captain America, he was over a hundred years old. The man had to have some massive PTSD from what he’d been through.

How to reconcile that story with the man who lived next door? Bucky had seemed a little intimidating at first. Now that you were getting to know him better, he didn't feel like a threat at all.

Still, it explained why someone who looked like him wasn’t out in clubs, meeting people. It might have had a lot to do with the simplicity of your evening with him. Helping him make pasta and cook dinner. A nice conversation over a meal and for once, a man seemed truly interested in who you were, not what you had to offer.

Then Denny texted and he might just have ruined everything. It gave you something to think about last night. By the time Denny was trying to sneak out super early in the morning -- like he did most of the time -- you confronted him. He broke the agreement of your "non-relationship." You'd agreed there would be no displays of jealousy or possessiveness. You broke it off.

You hadn’t confirmed to Bucky that you had a boyfriend because Denny wasn’t that. But the minute he thought someone like Bucky was interested in you, he flew to your door to end what had been a wonderful evening. You didn't regret your decision there.

Bucky must think you’re either jerking him around or you were just straight-up crazy. Either way, that opportunity was probably gone.

“Wow,” Bucky’s voice rose above the din of all the kids' voices. He rounded the corner and his blue-eyed gaze locked with yours. He smiled and it just about stopped your heart. “There’s a lot of kids.”

You laughed. “That’s what I thought too. I’m glad you’re back, I’m almost out of candy.”

“Hang on,” he said, working through the crowd to get to his door and let himself in. In a flash, he was in his doorway like you were, holding a huge basket of candy. Walking over to you, he dumped some of it into the plastic pumpkin you were using. The faint notes of sandalwood and amber reached you.

Because being a super-hot reformed assassin isn’t enough. He had to smell good too.

Going back to his door, there were now two of you, it was a little less crazy on your end of the hall when another flock of them came around the corner. But when nine o’clock rolled around, you breathed a sigh of relief. You’d been dangerously close to running out of candy again.

“How bad was it before I got here?” Bucky asked.

“About as crazy as it was after you got here.”

The two of you laughed.

“At least it's Friday,” you offered. “I don’t have to work tomorrow.”

Bucky nodded. “Same. Hopefully.”

When he was about to turn to go back into his apartment, you asked, “You want to have a drink, watch a Halloween movie or something? With me?”

You sounded a lot less confident than you thought you would.

He stopped, looking surprised. Then that smile… “Yeah, that would be great.”

“Yeah?” you asked. Maybe you still had a shot.

Bucky started to follow you, then remembered he was holding a mostly empty basket of candy, and his apartment door was wide open. He set the basket just inside the door before locking it and coming with you.

Nerves almost got the better of you. Now knowing who he was? It was thrilling and terrifying all at once. You didn’t feel like he posed any threat to you, but you did hope you could talk to him like a normal fucking date instead of a fan girl. He must have so many of those.

Closing the door behind the two of you, you headed to the kitchen. “I’ve got bourbon and scotch, and I think I have some vodka here somewhere.”

“Vodka is fine,” Bucky said, taking a seat on your couch. “If you have it.”

That was easy enough. You made a vodka and tonic for each of you. Carrying them back to the living room, you joined him on the couch.

“I’m not going to get you into any trouble, am I?” Taking a drink, he kept his gaze on the glass in his hand. “Or have I already?”

“No, you didn’t have anything to do with it.” Well, yes you did. “Denny and I got into a fight this morning when he left, and it got a little loud. I hope we didn’t wake you up.”

Bucky shook his head. “I didn’t hear anything, but I left at 5.”

“Good,” you told him. You took a couple of drinks, wanting the temporary courage the alcohol might offer you. “You didn’t miss anything really.”

“Was everything alright?” he asked, the sincerity in his expression made your heart skip a beat. “Did you get everything settled?”

You drained your short glass on that note. Bucky watched you but didn’t say anything.

“Everything is settled,” you admitted. “I ended things with him.”

Did you imagine those smoky blue eyes lit up? “I’m sorry,” he said after a moment.

You shook your head. “Don’t be. I’m not.”

Bucky placed his glass on your coffee table, scrubbing a hand through those gorgeous locks of hair.

“Last night, you asked me if I was happy,” you admitted. “I thought I was for a while. We were friends with benefits, you know? Denny had just gotten out of a bad relationship when I met him. We were friends, then we started hooking up. He didn’t want a committed relationship because of all the awful things that happened to him in his last one.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Bucky said quietly. “That wasn’t you.”

He was right. And you knew that. 

“What did you get?” Bucky asked carefully.

“I wasn’t…” Sitting here and admitting this to Bucky, it hit you how ridiculous it all was. Your heart sank to think of how sad it was going to sound. But there was something in his gentle expression. A lack of judgment… “I wasn’t alone anymore. A couple of times a week I had someone to watch a movie with or have dinner with, you know?”

He nodded, his sensual lips pressing into a line.

But he did know. Flashes of what you’d read about him on Google flashed in your mind. He knew about being alone. He’d been held captive for decades. Who knew what the monsters of Hydra had done to him? Put him through? And what, you expected him to feel sorry for you?

“I’m sorry,” you told him. “I shouldn’t be complaining to you about… “

Easing back on your couch, Bucky’s expression was kind.

“You can complain to me if you want to,” he said.

“I mean, with everything you’ve experienced,” you said carefully. “I must sound pretty pathetic.”

Bucky nodded. “I didn’t think you recognized me.”

“I didn’t,” you told him. “Denny told me. The reason he texted me and showed up here last night all upset was because a friend of his saw me walking with you.”

“He was afraid for you?” You didn't like the worry that started seeping into his expression.

“No, he was jealous I guess,” you said.

Bucky huffed at that. “Jealous of me?”

You nodded. “He was. I guess he was afraid I was trading up.”

“I wouldn’t consider me trading up.”

You would.

“He can’t make pasta,” you finally said, hoping to lighten up the mood.

That made him smile. And he was so gorgeous when he smiled… But there were shadows behind his eyes. Shadows of doubt or fear? You couldn’t tell. You just knew you wanted to take them away.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “Really, none of it was your fault… And yet, it was. You showed me more genuine attention in one meeting than Denny did in our entire non-relationship – and that was before you made me dinner. I had a really nice time, Bucky. And I guess it got me thinking that… I want a relationship like that. Someone who is talking to me and listening instead of talking at me.”

“You deserve to have someone treat you right, doll,” Bucky said.

Doll, huh? You liked it.

“So, you’re an Avenger,” you finally said, now that things were out in the open.

Bucky shrugged. “Not really. It’s an opportunity.”

You didn’t understand. “An opportunity?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, for me to go out and try to wipe out some of the red in my ledger. So to speak."

The poor man. "That red didn't belong in your ledger, Bucky. The things they made you do? Those weren't your decisions. Right?"

“No,” Bucky told you. “They weren't. But I still did those things. So many terrible things. I remember all of it, in painful detail. Those memories will never go away.”

You processed that for a moment. They had him for so many years. You were sitting next to a man who was over a hundred years old, most of that time he spent as an assassin for one of the worst criminal syndicates the world had ever seen. You could almost see the guilt weighing him down. 

“Do they, the Avengers, still consider you a threat?” you asked.

“Before they cleaned my head out, I was a threat,” he explained. The pain etched in his expression had your heart squeezing. What the poor man must have been through. And it wasn't his fault.

“I’m just surprised,” you admitted. “I feel perfectly safe here with you.”

The pain eased out of his expression at that, replaced by surprise.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you told him.

“That’s good,” he whispered. “I never want you to feel afraid of me.”

You believed him.

“So you wanted to watch a movie?” he asked.

That he wanted to direct the conversation away from himself, you got that. You didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. And you did invite him over for a movie. Snatching up your remote, you went to your collection of movies for streaming. You loved horror movies and you’d bought several over the last couple of years.

“See anything you want to watch?” you asked him. But when you looked at him, you caught him staring at you.

And you were fine with that.

His gaze shifted to your flat screen. “How about… what’s The Conjuring?” he asked.

Perfect. Ghosts. Possession. Hopefully nothing there that would bring back any bad memories for him.

“The Conjuring it is,” you told him, selecting it. You sat back on the couch, moving closer to the center. To Bucky.

The movie began, opening with Ed and Lorraine Warren giving a lecture back in the 70s. You could quote most of the movie, but Bucky hadn’t seen it yet, so you didn’t want to ruin the movie for him by talking. 

Halfway through the movie, Bucky moved a little closer, resting his left arm, the prosthetic arm, along the back of the couch behind you. It was a chilly October night and the warmth of him was tempting.

Yeah, everything about the man is a fucking temptation.

You leaned a little closer. Then he shifted closer to you. You went to put your head on his shoulder, but he stopped you.

“Sorry, that’s not going to be very comfortable,” he sounded apologetic.

Sitting up, you met his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

You didn’t want him to feel bad about his arm. You scrambled for a solution, and it came to you pretty quickly. Rising from the couch, you moved to sit next to him on the other side. Flitting around nervously as you were, you tripped and fell on the man.

Bucky caught you, face to face with him, your arms braced on the back of the couch on either side of his head. You weren’t rightly sure who moved first. All you knew was that your lips met his. The kiss was explosive, with him pulling you in to straddle his lap and your hands clutched in his hair as his kiss set you ablaze. The moan he pulled from you was a deep, raw sound. Bucky just felt so good beneath you, the soft locks of his hair in your hands, the taste of him filling your senses.

Long heated minutes ticked by as the two of you kissed, moving together. His lips were a tender tease, dancing against your own as if he couldn’t resist. His hands skimmed over your back and hips as you ground down on him, hard and heated beneath you.

Bucky was the one to break the kiss, panting against your lips while his hands held you in place. “Doll, stop,” he said. “I’m sorry. Jesus.”

Your breath came as fast as his. “Why are you sorry? Why—”

Bucky’s flesh hand cupped your face as he gazed into your eyes. “I want this… I think you get that. But this isn’t the only thing I want with you… I'm not Denny. And I don’t want to mess this up.”

“You won’t.” You were panting. “You can’t… “ Your body ached, literally, and all he’d really done so far was make out with you.

You started kissing him again and he didn’t fight you, he was clinging to you. Now his arms around you tightened. He rolled his hips beneath you, nudging into the ache where you needed him most.

He chained hot kisses across your jawline to your ear. His tongue teased the sensitive shell of it, his breath hot as he whispered, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, please,” you begged him.

The deep moan that pulled from him pushed your arousal even higher. In a hurry, you pulled the heavy sweater you wore over your head and flung it away. Your fingers moved to undo the buttons of the blouse you wore beneath it.

The heated velvet of his lips burned a path from your ear down your neck. His mouth claimed each patch of skin you revealed in opening the blouse. Bucky didn’t wait until you were finished to slide his good hand up under your bra, kneading the flesh that filled it. While you hurried to shed the blouse, he reached behind you to undo the clasp of the little black bra you wore, roughly pulling it off you. With your breasts on display for him, the heated look in those stormy blue eyes had desire burning you from the inside out.

When his flesh hand returned to your breast, you gasped at the gentle touch. You were used to sharp squeezes for someone else’s gratification. Bucky’s warm hand skimmed over your flesh like it was an honor to do so. The metal of his other arm warmed against the skin of your back while his head dipped, his lips wrapping around your nipple. His mouth was tender, careful. He didn’t bite you. His tongue played with the tight peak in a way that had you squirming on his lap, eager for more of his gentle touch.

You couldn't remember the last time a man was so careful with you.

When his lips blazed a trail to your other breast, you twisted to give him better access, to give him everything. If you hadn’t been so turned on, you would have been embarrassed at your own desperation. Still, he took his time, handling you with delicacy.

Bucky’s arms tightened around you, and he rose from your couch with you with no visible effort at all. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you held on. You were about to tell him where your bedroom was but then you realized, he knew the way. He’d never been in your apartment before. How did he know that?

Your bedroom was cool and dark. He was careful when he lowered you to your bed, reaching around you to turn on the lamp on your bedside table. You knew you were staring at him. With just a knee on the edge of your bed, and the man had beautiful thighs, Bucky stopped and looked at you in question.

“How did…” How did you ask without making him feel like he was doing something wrong? “How did you know where my bedroom was?”

Automatically his hands came up to scrub through his hair and you were cursing yourself. What the fuck were you thinking asking that? You were right there – in your bedroom where you wanted to be – with your super-hot, superhero neighbor.

“I’m sorry,” you said in a rush. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

When his troubled gaze moved to the door, you moved closer to him, placing a hand on the heavily muscled thigh before you.

“Please, don’t go,” you whispered.

Blowing out an exhale, Bucky slowly turned and sat on the edge of your bed. His back was to you, but his attention was very much on you. You could feel it.

“When they took me," he said slowly, "They gave me the serum that gave me all these abilities I never had naturally. Everything was enhanced. I was so much stronger than before and faster. All of my senses were enhanced. I can see things from a distance in great detail. I can pick up scents. My hearing..."

His hearing? Feeling a little awkward now, you crossed your arms over your bare chest. Bucky pulled off the black boots he wore.

Turning his head, he watched you from the corner of his eye. "The abilities they gave me, made me the ultimate predator. There was no one I couldn't find anywhere in the world."

Shivering on your own bed, you just listened. Your mind was scrambling as empathy battled with fear. Bucky was a good man, wasn't he? Because it occurred to you that if you were wrong about him or things went badly, you couldn't hide from him. You couldn't run from him.

While your mind was throwing up red flags in the background, the need that coursed through your body intensified. You wanted him in the worst possible way.

"Back in the real world, my abilities aren't necessarily a good thing, doll," he said as he turned to face you on the bed. His fingers started undoing the buttons on his flannel shirt and you couldn't pull your gaze away from those quick movements. "I've been your neighbor for many weeks now. I've seen you so many times in passing, always in a hurry to be somewhere."

Bucky wasn't wrong. You weren't the most punctual person. Self-sabotage and procrastination often made you late, always had you scrambling to get where you needed to go.

A chill of anticipation ran up your spine when he pulled that dark blue flannel shirt free of his jeans and peeled it off. Your gaze was immediately drawn to all those muscles, the elegant black metal arm with threads of gold adorning it. There was scarring at the skin around that arm but it wasn't as bad as you'd expected.

"You've got this style about you," Bucky said. "I would think someone who wears so much black was either in mourning or trying to hide themselves, to blend into the background. But you're not hiding. You drive me crazy, every time I see you. I love those little skirts you wear, those stockings and combat boots. I love the blood red lipstick you wear, the little silver earrings..."

You had no idea he'd noticed you at all. As it was, at this moment, you were only wearing jeans. You edged back towards the center of your bed. Almost as if it were a predator's response, Bucky followed you. The ache between your legs only grew, had you trembling under that heated gaze.

"I wasn't trying to listen to you in your apartment, doll," he went on. "I really wasn't. I can't really help what I hear."

Hear? Your gaze moved from studying that arm, cutting off thoughts you shouldn't be having about that arm, to meet his. Your mind struggled to push thoughts through your aroused state, to think about what he just said. What did he not mean to hear in your apartment?

How were you supposed to be able to hold a thought with him on your bed with you? All those muscles and warm flesh. How would he feel in your arms? On top of you? Inside you? 

Bucky whispered your name softly. "Did you hear me?"

You nodded, at least you thought you did in your lusty haze. 

"What did you hear?" you asked. "In my apartment."

"Most nights, I just heard you moving around in your apartment." Bucky's intense gaze held yours. "You watching TV or making yourself dinner. A couple of nights a week, he came over. And then I got to listen to you make dinner, listen to him talk about himself, his day. It pissed me off so much that he never asked how your day was, never brought you flowers or cooked for you. He didn't treat you right, doll."

Bucky had heard a lot. But if he'd heard all that...

"Then..."

"Then?" you prompted him. "You listened to us..."

Bucky paused, and a hint of chagrin bled into his expression. One hand slid over your right ankle and with care, he pulled off that shoe.

"I wasn't trying to," Bucky explained, removing your other shoe before leaning over to place both on the floor by your bed. "It wasn't a lot different from listening to the two of you have dinner... It was all about him." 

You were somewhere between humiliation and shame. The look in those smoky blue eyes, the care you read there, lessened the sting.

"I'm not saying you did anything wrong or that anything is wrong with you," Bucky moved closer, crowding you into your pillows. "Every time he was in your bed, it was all about him. He got off. You didn't. Not one time." When you dropped your gaze, careful warm fingers under your chin put it back on him. "He never even noticed."

Tears stung the backs of your eyes. Every word he spoke was the truth. This time when Bucky moved closer, pressing you onto your back beneath him, you didn't inch away. Tears slid from the corners of your eyes as he hovered over you. Propping himself on his metal arm, his natural hand smoothed over the side of your face, brushing your tears away.

His heated gaze locked with yours as he settled next to you, one heavy thigh draped across yours. His hand slid down to cover your right hand, his fingers lacing with yours. With care, he leaned over and began kissing you. The hand he captured, he moved to his head and you were fine with that, sliding your fingers through the satiny locks of dark hair. His shift in position had his thigh between yours now and you weren't going to lie, the way he nudged it up into your melting center made the ache worse. So good...

Bucky's kisses went to your head like good whiskey, sending ripples of heat and euphoria racing through your bloodstream. Your thighs clamped around that muscled thigh as his lips danced with yours, gently but demanding all the same. When he dropped some of his weight on you, you fought to breathe, vining around him to get more. Now both your hands were sliding through his hair as his lips blazed a trail across to your jaw then seeking out all the places that made you weak just under your ear. 

You'd pretty much disappeared beneath him, and you were loving it. He pulled a chorus of sounds from you as his mouth trailed down your neck, down to your chest. He chuckled at the way you whined when he moved off you.

"Shhh," he soothed. "I've got you."

When his lips surrounded one nipple, your hands clutched in his hair. You didn't have the time or wherewithal to consider how careful he was being or to remember how Denny more or less treated your breasts like stress balls. You were gasping as his lips and tongue teased the aching peak over and over. The desire he was stoking in you was unfamiliar, even in your private moments which was usually the only time you could find release. 

Your body had a mind of its own. Your back arched, a wanton plea for more, more... It gave him easier access and he took it. Your thighs clutched his in desperation because you needed relief from the fire he was building in your body. The intensity of that delicate ache was climbing. His hot mouth moved to your other breast as both his hands, warm and warming metal, began roaming over your body like fever chills.

Bucky loved it when you pulled his hair. He groaned when you started pumping your hips rhythmically, begging him without words for more. You felt that raw sound all through your body, gasping as he moved further down. He was rough when he plucked open your jeans, yanking them down with your panties to reveal all of you to him. His gaze roamed over all your newly revealed curves, making you shiver as anticipation threatened to get the best of you.

Without a thought, you slid a hand down to your own swollen, soaked flesh. Watching him licking his lips as you showed him how you worked your clit had you on the edge of the cliff...

"No, you don't." Bucky's voice was low and rough. 

Batting your hands away, he dove for you with his mouth. His lips and tongue in that tender flesh had you climaxing in seconds, wailing into the quiet of your bedroom. His hands wrapped around your thighs, holding them open as he really went to work, teasing you through the orgasm in a way that kept you flying, kept you riding that wave the way you rode his tongue. You couldn't move your lower body, couldn't get away from the onslaught of pleasure he was subjecting you to. 

You writhed wildly on the bed in his clutches. The sight of his dark hair, the locks dancing around your thighs as his mouth took you apart would be forever seared into your memory. The way he teased you relentlessly until you came a second time on the tip of his tongue had the world spinning around you. Your nipples were hard, aching peaks in your hands, your back arching wildly as he worked you through it.

Jesus. Would you survive this?

When all sensation stopped, you lay trembling on your bed like you'd been hit by lightning. Bucky scrambled to undo his jeans, shoving them down his body with haste as you watched him with hungry eyes. As soon as his cock was freed, you were staring, marveling at its size. Your hand slid around that heated stalk of flesh, warm velvet in your grasp. He was bigger than Denny or anyone else you'd been with. You were excited and nervous all at once. How was that going to feel?

As if he could read your mind, Bucky came back up to you. His shadow swallowed you again as he kissed your lips and gave you a taste of your own lust from his shiny lips. It only pushed your desire higher, had you winding yourself around him eager for more. When you reached between your bodies for him again, Bucky captured your hand and thwarted your efforts.

"Doll," he whispered against your lips. "I want you so much... But I need to slow down a little here. Okay? It's everything I can do not to come right now. And you're so small..."

"Please," was the only word you could get out.

"M'gonna take care of you," he whispered. "I promise... I'm treating you right."

You couldn't conjure an ounce of humiliation now. You did need more of him. You wanted all of him.

Taking himself in hand, he slid the swollen head of himself through your slippery folds back and forth. Each pass was a soft brush against your clit, a shot of pleasure to take your breath away. You held onto him as he slowly pushed into you, his breath a heated rush just like yours. 

And he was huge. You sucked in a breath as he kept pushing into you. It helped that he had you soaking wet, but feeling your pussy walls stretch around him was intense. The slightest pain blended with a sensation of fullness that had your thighs quivering around his. His blue-eyed gaze stayed on you as he kept going, watching you for any signs of distress. 

By the time he reached the end of you, you were on that ledge again. The only thing that kept you from sailing off that cliff now was the fact that he'd stopped moving. Bucky's body was still inside you as your body stretched around him.

Bucky's eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth slack above you.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

Aside from feeling almost split in two in the best way possible, you were pretty fucking far from okay. You were squirming beneath him, hands clutching at his hair, at the damp muscles of his back. When you slid your hands down to the firmness of his ass, you squeezed. You needed him to move. You needed him to ride you like you were going somewhere.

"Don't...stop," you managed, fighting for air. "Please."

"Look at me," he whispered.

And you did, opening your eyes to meet his gaze.

"Does anything hurt?" Bucky asked, sounding as wrecked as you felt.

You shook your head frantically. "Please."

Because you weren't sure you were going to survive if he didn't start moving soon. You were burning from the inside, your lower body stretched around his cock, quivering in need sharper than anything you'd experienced so far. When you raked your nails up his back, you hoped he'd take the hint and take you. Destroy you. 

Slowly, he started moving and it was everything you craved. Bucky's cock was hitting places inside you that left you breathless. His body was heavily muscled, pressing yours into the mattress. All you could do was hang on as his thrusts sped up. Bucky wasn't fucking you. He was claiming you. It was in the tender possession of his hands that skimmed over your body. The sweet caress of his lips over your face and shoulders, dropping on your skin like warm summer rain.

And all the while, he made you take his cock, filling you again and again with thrusts that were driving you insane. When your inner walls began to quiver around him, you braced yourself for a release that was approaching so fast. Your heart hammering against his, Bucky sped up.

"Let go for me," he purred in your ear. 

You didn't have a choice. This time, you buried your face in his chest to muffle the scream. And Bucky kept going as you rode that wave, pleasure pulsing through your body as he began chasing his own end. Your name was a prayer on his lips as his movements quickened, desperate now instead of careful. At the last second, Bucky pulled himself free of you, his come spurting over your tummy, your thighs. There was a lot of it, hot and thick drizzled over your skin. Bucky looked so beautiful above you, lost to the same pleasure he'd just drowned you in as he worked himself with his hand.

Your eyes slid closed, you struggled to breathe. You couldn't remember the last time you felt so sated after sex, so fulfilled. 

"I hope that smile is for me," Bucky said softly, using his flannel to clean his spend from your skin. 

You were smiling. You were happy. But as your skin cooled, you shivered. Bucky tucked you under the covers, climbing under with you to stretch out on his back. When you moved close for cuddles, his right arm pulled you to him. You loved the steady beat of his heart below your ear, the sheer warmth of him.

"Sleepy," you murmured. "Will you stay?"

Denny had stayed after sex but he'd immediately turn his back to you and get on his phone. You didn't know Bucky's intentions but you were hoping he might want to stay the night.

"I'll stay," his voice was rough and sleepy. 

You held each other in the cool quiet of your bedroom. Bucky only moved you to turn out the lamp. Maybe now that it was dark, you felt a little braver.

"You said... that sex wasn't the only thing you wanted with me," you reminded him. "What did you mean?"

Bucky pressed a kiss into your hair. "I meant just that. Not that the sex wasn't good because it was amazing..."

Your heart skipped happily in your chest at that.

"But it's not all I want from you," Bucky said in the darkness. "I want to get to know you. I want to talk over breakfast in the morning and eat leftover candy." His fingers traced circles around your shoulder and arm. "I want to wait for you to get off work at the florist and take you on a date. I want to have hot chocolate and watch it snow outside together."

Snuggling closer, you smiled. It all sounded wonderful to you. And if sex was that good on top of it?

"Is that yes?" Bucky asked.

"Yes," you whispered. "But... do you think we can do what we just did again before breakfast in the morning?"

His sigh was a happy sound. 

"Doll, we can do anything you want," Bucky whispered.

@valsworldofcreativity @21stcenturywitchcraft @coconutqueen21 @bval-1 @caffiend-queen @sadlittlecountess @candy-and-writing @capsicle-shield @chaoticfiretaconerd @chrisevansgirl @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @coldmuffinbanditshoe @daughterofthenight117 @hv-chw3 @iheartsebstan @imanuglywombat @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @justrae9903 @lokislastlove @mariaenchanted @maxwelllee2020 @nekoannie-chan @nerdwholikesword @notyourtypicalrose @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @peaceinourtime82 @rainbowkisses31 @rayofdawnworld @richonne4life @rissysthoughts-blog @saiyanprincessswanie @scarletsoldier21-blog @shygirl-00 @supernaturaldean67 @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @team-iron-wannabe-man @titty-teetee @tonib666 @villanellev @vitamingummies @what-is-your-plan-today @what-is-your-wish @xoxabs88xox @rosalynshields @naturalthrone22 @marvelovernfan @gotnofucks @eralen @kawairinrin @bluemusickid @geminievans1 @daughterofthenight117 @sunmoonandbuckyrecs @jesevans @kandis-mom @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @kmc1989 @curiousandjoyous @marvelouslyme96 @texmex

[genderqueerdykes]

Ditch Etsy for Good: A Disabled Etsy Seller's Experience

i started my Etsy store in August of 2022. I was in desperate need of income at the time, as I am disabled, and waiting for my full disability payments to come through. I currently make $245/month off of a general assistance program that's meant to "help" while you're waiting for those payments.

I needed, at the time, $900/month for my studio apartment, because I was on a month-to-month lease, and could not re-new it, as I was the secondary renter, and my abusive ex whom I could not contact was the primary renter. They needed his signature to renew the lease, or else I was on month-to-month status, which meant they could increase my rent to whatever price they saw fit at any point.

I was struggling to stay alive. I had a bunch of kandi supplies I had gathered over the years, pony beads, string, all that kind of stuff. So i accrued some extra supplies to make other types of necklaces and chokers. Keep in mind my level of poverty, and the level of inflation in 2022. I was having to accrue supplies secondhand, from thrift stores. Everything I bought and sold was upcycled, save for the few times I could afford things to fill in the gaps from craft stores.

After I gathered supplies, I went to work. I spent countless hours making all types of jewelry. Not really sleeping. Just countless hours of stringing beads, if I woke up in the middle of the night from a bad dream or stress about homelessness, I would go back to work. I've been homeless before. Several times. Never lived on the street or in a shelter, but I have lived in hotels, cars, crashed on couches and have run from getting kicked out for making little money endless times.

I drank a lot of coffee and ate very little. Eating consumed time, time that I didn't have. Once I was done making things, it was time to photograph every. single. item., then edit them, and upload them to Etsy. I had to create listings for each individual item, all of which cost $0.20 to create, and again to renew when it ran out in 3 months if not purchased. There was already a start-up cost.

Shipping made my life a nightmare. Etsy charged me for each and every single label. I tried free shipping at first, as it's a huge draw for customers, but labels were around $3.69 from my state to the mainland United States at the time, creeping ever closer to $4. For anywhere else it would easily come to $10 or more, international shipping was easily $20 - $40. Even if the customer paid for shipping I still had to go through the process of purchasing a label.

This didn't account for the fact that I had to purchase printer, ink and paper at some point to keep printing these labels. Ink is wildly expensive and your cartridges run out faster than they should. They are rigged to flag as empty when they're not. This also does not account for ink and paper lost when the printer does something in error, which is often. The office at my apartment complex was willing to print labels and packing slips for me for a while, but they cut me off after a few months.

The biggest kick in the teeth was the processing time for my payments. Because I shipped my first few orders without tracking labels. Etsy put a hold on my money for the next 3 months. They would take a random amount of time to process each payment. I could never figure out the schedule. My money would sometimes take days or weeks to arrive when I set Etsy to a "daily" payment schedule. It was torture. I was sweating over not having money constantly, and missing payment deadlines left and right.

I was getting orders at every hour of the day. I didn't "clock out" of this job. I had to change the notification sound of the Etsy Seller app on my phone because when I heard it, I would panic. I wasn't excited, I was filled with dread. It was never ending, and I was constantly stressed about getting orders out on time. I never had time to rest. I didn't get days off. I was on the job 24/7. Unless you completely uninstall the Etsy app and refuse to check it fora while, you can't really clock out of this job.

This isn't even touching the fact that Etsy also takes a cut out of every single sale you make, meaning you have to jack up your prices wildly either to make free shipping reasonable so you're not losing money on each sale, or you have to play a dance of figuring out what the best balance between shipping and item costs are, which is time consuming. It's a lot of math and comparing against your niche's market.

Etsy has an ads feature, which you must again pay for, where they will run ads for your products in random banner ads and whatnot. You are charged if one customer clicks the ad, not purchases something, meaning this is a complete fucking scam. The minimum is $1/day and you are forced to subscribe monthly. You can cancel at any point, but sometimes it takes a full day for this to cancellation to go through. The Etsy Ads feature sucks ass. I received exactly 2 orders through their service and kept it on for a few weeks here and there. It's horrid. You do not receive a significant enough boost in traffic to make the investment worth it. Also consider how many people use adblockers these days. This isn't hard to see.

The amount of time you have to spend promoting and boosting your own shop, buying supplies, creating and photographic products, uploading them to the website, and everything else in between is not worth the amount of money you make. You do not turn a profit unless you are selling very high end products like fine jewelry and antiques. Anyone else in the bottom rungs loses money through one avenue or another, Etsy finds ways to make the entire process draining and expensive for the seller.

The also will not provide you a 1099 document to file your taxes for your earned income unless you have made over $25,000 in one year on Etsy, which is literally impossible unless you make, as I said, fine jewelry. The average Etsy seller does not make this much in one year. We do not make a liveable wage, yet Etsy pretends like we do.

I didn't realize how draining it was to run this store until I put it in vacation mode. I'm shutting it down as soon as I'm able to. I could not handle the pressure of orders coming in in the middle of the night. I could not handle the pressure of not being able to remember which bracelets I could wear, and which ones were up on the store. Or which ones I could give to friends freely without having to issue someone a refund because I made a mistake. The worry of sending the wrong customer the wrong product was constantly on my mind. Every review that came in made me scared I had fucked up or provided an inferior product. I was distraught, broken and scared.

Now I'm much more free. The piddly jackshit amount of income I made was not worth it at all. I don't think I made back the cost of supplies and I definitely was never compensated for the sheer amount of labor I put into my products and orders. Etsy just kept kicking me while I was down and now that they have made it so that you are unable to file a class action lawsuit against them, they are only becoming more tyrannical.

Etsy does not care about their small sellers. They only care about the big cash cows who bring in big views and line Etsy's pockets with the Etsy Ads program. If you're too poor too keep up they'll chew you up and spit you out. Fuck Etsy. Fuck the lack of respect for their sellers. Fuck them for holding my money randomly for 3 months because I didn't know tracking labels were REQUIRED in their eyes. Fuck Etsy for never letting me know when I was getting paid, and for paying me on such an irregular schedule. Fuck Etsy for the fucked up fees and expensive shipping labels.

Fuck Etsy for everything. Let them go. Cut the cord. Navigate to Ko-Fi or somewhere else. Let this horrid site fucking die.

[scotianostra]

IT'S A PURE DEAD GIVE-AWAY THAT YOU'RE SCOTTISH IF :-

1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine 🌞 as good weather.

2. The only sausage you like is square.

3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing 🕺🏻

every year at secondary school.

4. You have a wide vocabulary of Scottish words such as numpty, aye, aye right, auldyin, baltic...

5. You destroyed your teeth when you were young using Buchanan's toffee, Wham bars, Penny Dainties, MB Bars, Cola Cubes etc

6. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever Scotland play a 'numpty' team like the Faroe Islands.

7. You happily engage in a conversation about the weather with someone you've never met before.

8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia , Deacon Blue and Big Country, you still love it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Scottish.

9. You used to watch Glen Michael's Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his side kick Lamp Paladin.

10. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons annuals at Xmas.

11. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent - "Awright, pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Sun ? Cheers, magic pal." Or "Fit ya bin up tae ? Fair few quines in the nicht, eh ?", etc

12. You see cops and hear someone shout 'Errapolis'.

13. You have participated in or watched people having a 'square go'.

14. You know that when someone asks you what school you went to they only want to know if you are catholic or protestant.

15. You have eaten lots and lots of random Scottish food like mince 'n tatties, Tunnock's Caramel Logs, oat cakes, haggis, Cullen skink, Lees Macaroon Bars, etc.

16. A jakey has asked you for money.

17. You think nothing of waiting expectantly for your 1p change from a shop keeper.

18. You know the right response to 'Ye dancing ?' is 'Y'askin?' followed by 'Ahm askin' and finally 'Then ahm dancin'. 💃

19. Whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of vomit as that's what the jannies used to chuck on it at school.

20. You lose all respect for a groom 🤵 who doesn't wear a kilt.

21. You don't do 🛒 shopping ... you 'go the messages'.

22. You're sitting on the train 🚂 or bus and a 😵 drunk man sits next to you telling you a joke - and asking 'Ahm no annoying ye ahm a?' and you respond 'Naw, not at a', yer fine. This is ma stoap, but'. 🛑

23. You can have an entire phone 📞 conversation using only the words 'awright', 'aye' and 'naw'.

24. You have experienced peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink 🍷 when out - regardless of the circumstances.

25. You know that ye cannae fling yer pieces 🍞 oot a 20 storey flat, and that seven hundred hungry weans'll testify tae that. Furthermore you're sure that if it's butter, 🧀 cheese or jeely, or if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are 99 tae wan.

26. You know that going to a party 🥳 at a friend's house involves bringing your own drink.

27. Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a heatwave in Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 while you're away.

28. Your national team goes 2-0 up again the Czechs in a qualifier in Prague and your mate says we'll end up losing 3-2 here and you think "Probably". ⚽️

29. You can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Auchtermuchty.

30. Your favourite pizza is deep fried and battered from the chippy.

31. You're used to 4 💨 ☔️ ☀️ ❄️ seasons in one day.

32. You can't pass a chip shop or kebab shop, without drooling, when your 🥴 drunk.

33. You can fall about 😵 drunk without spilling your drink.

34. You measure distance in minutes.

35. You can understand Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like them in your own family.

36. You go to Saltcoats because you think it's like being at the ocean.

🌊

37. You can make a whole sentence out of just swear words.

38. You know what haggis is made with and still eat it.

39. Somebody you know used a football 🥅 schedule to plan their 💒 day date.

40. You've been at a 👰 🎩 wedding where the footie results were read out.

41. You aren't surprised to find curries, pizzas 🍕 kebabs, Irn Bru, nappies and fags all for sale in one shop.

42. Your seaside holiday home has Calor ⛽️ gas under it.

43. You know that Irn Bru is an infallible hangover 😵 cure.

44. You understand all the above and are going to send it to your pals.

45. and, finally, you are 100 per cent Scottish if you have ever used these terms - "How's it hingin'?", "clatty", "boggin", "cludgie", "dreich", "bampot", and "dubble nugget"..

😂🕺🏻🥳

[daisyblog]

Two Pink Lines

Harry's House Masterlist Summary: YN and Harry find out their expecting a baby.

"Shit"

Staring back at her were two pink lines. It explained the nausea, the extra tiredness and the one reason she took the test, her period was 7 days late. Something that she never experienced in the five years of starting puberty. YN was feeling all the emotions right now, scared, happy, sad, excited, terrified, anxious, overwhelmed.

---

Since she was young, it was her dream to be a Mum one day. Provide them with love, warmth and a happy healthy home. Something she longed to feel. Growing up with her father and stepmother was anything but loving, kind and happy. YN was ten when her mother was involved in a tragic car accident and she passed away in hospital the same night.

Lillian, or Lil as everyone called her, was loved by all for her kindness, her loving ways and her want to make those around her feel special. YN and her mum were joined at the hip, mother and daughter but best friends too.

She remembers playing in the garden with Harry at his house one day during the summer, Anne was pottering around in the kitchen when she called them both inside, sat YN down and explained that her Mum had been in an accident and in Anne's words "She's with the stars angel". How else could she tell her best friend's little girl her mother was no longer here. That night YN stayed at Anne's, cuddled up with love and security in a welcoming home.

A few days after the accident, YN went to live with her father and stepmother, Emma. She remembers how cruel they were when they saw her crying and grieving for her mother.

"what are you crying for?"

"she never loved you otherwise she'd still be here"

"she's gone just get over it"

"she's so selfish 'cause now we've got to look after you"

That was only the beginning. Most children would do anything to spend one more minute in their beds, trying to get an extra few minutes as their parents shouted up the stairs telling them they were going to be late for school. Not YN, she loved the sound of her alarm going off in the early mornings, rushing around the quiet house as her father and Emma was still sleeping due to being up all night drinking and who knows what else.

From a young age, she had to grow up quickly, she matured overnight. Not many ten-year-olds were getting themselves up, washed and dressed and taking themselves off to school. Anne noticed, she noticed everything. She approached David and Emma, thinking that perhaps they needed some help with YN, she knew how hard it could be raising a child, she was a mother of two herself. But Anne was told to mind her own business and not interfere. So instead she made an extra packed lunch in the mornings and slipped it into YN's hand in the schoolyard in the mornings and as Harry and YN grew older and headed off to secondary school, she would give Harry some extra money with a "make sure YN eats please".

It was when the pair were around fifteen, Anne noticed the change in Harry and YN's friendship. Their friendship group included six of them, Harry, YN, Jonny, Fern, Jenny and Noah. The six of them were inseparable, a true friendship group, always loyal to one another. She smirked as she caught her son gazing at the young girl as she spoke when they sat at the table for dinner, she'd chuckle to herself when Harry would stumble over his words when he tried to talk to her, despite them being friends since birth.

It was a Saturday evening and the six friends had gathered in the garden of Harry's house. Anne was standing peaking out of the double glass doors that opened out into the garden. The group were spread out on the wicker furniture, Harry and YN sitting next to each other with Harry's arm laying behind YN as his fingers played with her loose hair.

"Dear god woman..leave them alone" Robin startled Anne as he entered the kitchen and walking over to where the kettle was and flicked the button.

"But look she's letting him play with her hair...it has to mean something she's hated any physical affection since she went and lived with her father"

Robin closed his eyes for a moment "Anne..darling...just leave them be..if they're together then great but try not to look into everything they do..I mean yes she doesn't like affection but who could blame her after living with those idiots"

"I'd say they're more than idiots...the poor girl has no confidence...and then they decide one day to leave and go and live in Spain and leave her without a home...Lil and I always promised each other we would protect our children and I will keep my promise" Anne explained.

The sound of footsteps walking into the kitchen, interrupted the conversation. Gemma entered and picked some grapes from the counter "What are you doing?"

Before Anne could answer, Robin quickly spoke "Your Mum is spying on Harry and his friends", causing the older girl to laugh as her mother sent a glare his way.

"I'm not spying..I'm..uh..I think Harry and YN are more than friends and are hiding it" Anne admitted.

Without hesitation, Gemma spoke as she popped another grape into her mouth "Oh they're definitely more than friends"

"See..even Gemma has noticed" Anne sent Robin a proud grin, causing him to roll his eyes playfully.

"Well it was a bit hard to miss when they had their tongues down each other's throats"

Robin chocked on his tea, Anne's head whipped around "W-what..what do you mean?"

"Yeh we saw them a few days ago up the fields by the river..I tried wiping it from my memory" Gemma shivered as she relived the moment she and her friends spotted her younger brother and YN kissing by one of the trees.

"I knew it" Anne exclaimed, a wide smile sitting on her face as she claps her hand dramatically. Gemma and Robin looking on pitying the young couple sitting outside completely unaware of the grilling they were going to be up against.

---

She wasn't sure how long she stood there and stared at the positive pregnancy test, but what snapped her back to reality was hearing Harry singing from the kitchen where he was currently making them breakfast. Harry was unaware that she was standing behind the closed door with his baby growing inside her.

His career had just begun, the tour was underway, and they were heading to Australia soon. Would he be happy? Would he blame her? Would he leave her to raise the baby by herself? The band, management, the fans. What would they all say?

Taking a deep breath, YN decided she need to rip the band-aid and leave the bathroom and tell Harry. This was her Harry after all, not Harry Styles from One Direction. He was Harry, her best friend since birth, Harry who looked after her and make sure she had eaten when her pathetic father and stepmother didn't care, Harry who showed her love and how to enjoy physical affection, Harry her boyfriend of three years, Harry the love of her life.

Picking up the plastic stick that held their future, YN found herself walking towards the kitchen where a topless Harry was serving up their breakfast. Tea, toast and scrambled eggs.

As Harry noticed her walking in, he smiled "Hey..you alright?..I thought you'd disappeared for a moment" he joked. But as YN placed the test down on the counter in front of him, displaying the two pink lines, she notices Harry gulp and stare down at the item in front of him. Panic was written all over his face.

"I'm pregnant"

Silence. Silence and more silence.

The silence was painful, it was like YN was being punished. She wanted him to say something, anything. But instead, he stood there frozen, not looking at her.

"Harry please say something"

Harry found her eyes and nodded his head slightly, acknowledging her "Uh..um..I...sorry I'm just in shock"

Tears blurred YN's vision, before she pitty-fully pleaded "Please don't leave me"

"Babe..I would never" Harry panicked, before walking around to pull her into an embrace "C'mere..I'm not going anywhere...I'm just in shock that's all"

YN's arms were wrapped around his bare torso, while his arms laid on her shoulders, his head leaning on top of hers. Now and again leaving a peck to her hair.

"What are we going to do?" YN asked quietly as she stayed wrapped in her arms.

"We're going to have some breakfast 'cause you've got a baby to grow" Harry spoke casually, a slight smirk on his face.

YN looked up from her position "Are you sure about this?"

"I've never been more sure" Harry reassured her.

"I love you"

"I love you too" Harry leaned down to meet her lips with his, and YN didn't miss the way his finger rubbed against the fabric covering her tummy.

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added)

[albonoooo]

i've been tagged by @f1-giuki, @blueballsracing and @liamlawsonlesbian to share my nine favourite albums!! thank you loves <3 and please know i spent way too much time thinking about this. i go through phases with the music i listen to so it was incredibly hard to narrow it down to nine albums and ended up being a combination of all-time and current favourites (and honourable mentions because i cannot shut up). i probably forgot at least half of the music i know while making this.

(in no particular order)

1. favourite worst nightmare by arctic monkeys

all-time favourite. my most beloved arctic monkeys album. every time fluorescent adolescent starts playing, i feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia for something i didn't even experience. no skips on this album.

2. rush! by måneskin

current favourite. about 3/4 of the songs on this album are currently in my most played songs on spotify. idk what kind of crack they laced this with, but it is fucking good.

3. stadtaffe by peter fox

all-time favourite. these songs were played everywhere all. the. time. when i was a kid. i remember sitting on the floor in the living room in front of the radio whenever it happened, just so that i don't miss anything.

4. on the way to wonderland by sunrise avenue

all-time favourite. my first ever favourite band that i latched on to when i was around nine because i heard fairytale gone bad on the radio so often and really loved it. went to the library and borrowed this album and out of style on cd so my dad could make me illegal copies at home lol. i genuinely still find samu haber's voice one of the most soothing i've ever heard.

5. pain remains by lorna shore

recent favourite. lorna shore has quicky become one of my favourite metal bands ever since will joined them and this album was on repeat for months after it first came out. it's so good.

6. les choristes soundtrack

all-time favourite. one of my favourite movies, has made me cry many times. thanks to the three separate teachers that made my class watch this film over the course of my time at secondary school. even more so because it really scared me after the first watch when i was 11 (i think it was mostly rachin and mondain who freaked me out lol).

7. master of puppets by metallica

all-time favourite. one of the albums of all time and that's a hill i'm willing to die on. my first metal album which my dad was very happy about. this has been in every music listening rotation since i was twelve.

8. doo-wops & hooligans by bruno mars

all-time favourite. another nostalgic one. this album and unorthodox jukebox were two of the cds my mom used to keep in her car and play all the time on longer drives when i was younger. for that reason, i also associate this music with my pediatrician (whom i love and wish i could still go to lmao).

9. gold album by lukas graham

all-time favourite. first of all, why was it so hard to find a picture for this? i got this cd for my thirteenth birthday after i heard drunk in the morning on the radio and was obsessed with it. then i spent hours and hours in my room just listening to it on repeat for the next few years. i actually haven't listened to any of these songs for a while, but i still love them dearly.

honourable mentions:

(in no particular order)

1. am by arctic monkeys

their best album imo.

2. out of style by sunrise avenue

mentioned above.

3. void by the rose

could've honestly put any album of theirs.

4. unorthodox jukebox by bruno mars

mentioned above.

since this took me an eternity, i'm sure everyone and their mother has been tagged by now so. if you see this and wanna do it, consider yourself tagged :)

[a-fantasy-lover-surfing-the-net]

Modern Cdramas I watched in 2023

This was my first year in Dramaland (both Chinese and Korean). And I have to say that for the most part I have enjoyed my journey in discovering the dramas. This list includes dramas that were released before 2023 as well.

9. Love of Replica

This one of those dramas with lookalikes where the female lead impersonates her lookalike and solves the mystery about her backstory. Also, it's a bodyguard romance so I definitely expected some things going in. It's full of cliches and tropes some enjoyable and some irritating. I have to praise Yu Yue (actress portraying the female lead), she really made me believe that lookalikes were two completely different people. The chemistry between the main couple is fire. I did not enjoy the secondary characters' romance. However the overall squad energy and their team dynamic was great. I kinda guessed the twist but was surprised by how dark the drama went. Overall, I liked most of it and I was disappointed how some of the characters ended up. If you want a bodyguard romance with kinda obvious twists with very good cast chemistry then you'll probably like it.

8. Parallel Love

This is a time travel drama (you'll see more of these in this list) where Lin Miao, the female lead travels from 2020 to 2010 and she must help Jiao Yang, who is the Vice President of Hong Yu, become the president of the company within 3 months otherwise she will disappear forever. What I liked most about is that Lin Miao is very competant and smart, even if she is not experienced for the task she will still try her best and give it her all. I enjoyed the romance and the dynamic of the main leads. It definitely has plot holes regarding time travel and the rules were not properly explained. They also did not really focus much on the time travel part and did use the potential things that they could do with time travel. However, the interaction between the present and the future Lin Miao was very well done and something that many people would be able to relate to. The business plot was medium and not very interesting. The main leads' personalities and character arcs was the reason why I enjoyed the drama. However, they left the ending ambiguous so if you don't mind open endings then you'll enjoy this time travel/corporate romance drama.

7. Love under the Full Moon

Another time travel drama with a twist that Lei Chu Xia (female lead), who has time travelled 10 years into the future can't leave Xu Xiao Dong side beyond a certain distance. Together they work to recover her memory to unravel the mysteries of the past decade. This drama has great romance, unique time travel premises further in the series, good character development for the main and secondary cast, an antagonist that seems like a real person which makes it seem like we could meet someone like them in real life and a plot with unexpected paths. However, it does have a bittersweet open ending which could make some people hate the drama. Despite that I really liked the drama.

6. Mr. Bad

One day, Nan Xing, an online novel writer makes a wish for an "unforgettable love" in a wishing pool. Then, Xiao Wu Di, the villain of her story, suddenly appears before her! She tries to avoid him, but Xiao Wu Di finds her and threatens her into taking care of him. Unfortunately for him, Nan Xing's wish comes with a special power: whenever she needs help, Xiao Wu Di teleports next to her to fulfill her wish. It's fun, fluffy and sweet with not much angst. The romance is cute and the dynamic with the secondary cast is enjoyable. The ending frustrated me but I assume they did it to pass the censors so I just pretend the last 7 mins don't exist. This is one of those shows you can watch when you just want to turn your brain off and watch a sweet story.

5. My Lethal Man

It's premise is similar to Love of Replica however here Shen Man Ning, an art student takes the place of Zhuang Xin Yan, granddaughter of a business tycoon. Yan Xing Cheng, the mysterious male lead is ruthless in pursuing the mastermind behind the threats and is not really sympathetic to Xin Yan but as they face the difficulties together they fall in love. The romance is so good and their dynamic is very different from typical ones. I found the secondary characters' romance weird and poorly done. The plot was really good and the pace kept moving along nicely. Except for the secondary romance, I had a great time watching it, I really recommend this one if you want a drama that balances mystery/thriller and romance and does a good job at both aspects.

4. Love in Time

A time travel drama again ! This is the last one though. This one is unique because the appartment in which He Zhen Yu has recently moved into merges with it's past one. This is how he meets a rookie reporter Chen Jia Lan who is a former tenant from four months ago, and through some miracle, they are able to see each other. When they attempt to prevent future misfortunes by changing the past together, their romance blossoms. Their romance was so good that I really ended up hardcore rooting for them to get their happy ending. I don't want to give away too much so all I'll say is that the time travel and its consequences were handled very well for the most part and the plot was interesting and took surprising turns. He Zhen Yu's character arc was very well portrayed on the other hand while in the beginning I related to Chen Jia Lan, in the latter part of the drama I was frustrated with her choices and how she didn't have a character growth moment. All the actors did a good job but I have to say that the main leads' acting was very good and made me very immersed in their story. All in all, I had a very good time watching it as the ending brought it all together for me.

3. Lucky's First Love

It's one of those office romances which has a light tone for the most part. Xing Yun is competent and hardworking who was there with Xia Ke when he started the company. They have been working together for years and have deep understanding of each other and work well together. Thankfully, Xia Ke is not one of those CEOs who are jerks and cold hearted. He may be reserved but he is quite caring (not in an overt way) not only towards Xing Yun but also his employees. Xing Yun does go out with someone else in the start but it doesn't last long and love triangle shenanigans are not long drawn out. The main leads' romance is sweet and depicts their daily interactions and they have great kiss scenes. The secondary couples are also great. This drama has character development for main and secondary characters, wholesome workplace and family dynamics, no over the top melodrama, lifelike workplace and relationship issues, slice of life interactions and very little angst. This is a great watch for when you need something short and sweet that's not too heavy.

2. Ordinary Greatness

The show mainly focuses on novice police officers that are starting their one year long mentorship. They soon discover that the grass-roots work is different from what they imagined, and, after some struggles, they're gradually moved by the sense of achievement and honour gained in their work. Throughout the show we explore their characters, their comraderie with each other, with their mentors and with other police officers at their station. We also get to know their mentors and other police officers at the station which immerses the audience in the show deeply. It is a slice of life type drama, where most of the cases are not major crimes. All actors knock it out of the park with their emotional as well as subtle portrayals. This show depicts how even small acts and seemingly tedious and insignificant work really have great impact on people's lives and that the people doing such grassroots work contribute just as much and are just as important to the society if not more as the people doing big acts like taking down criminal gangs. While some situations and cases are specific to China, everyone will be able to relate to majority of them. I must say this is a must watch drama.

1. Arsenal Military Academy

This is a Republican era drama in which Xie Xiang assumes her brother's identity to join the Chinese army and is accepted in the Arsenal Military Academy. While she is the main lead the story also follows Gu Yan Zheng(main lead) - a spoilt quarrelsome rich kid, the gentle and introverted Shen Jun San, Qu Man Ting - a famous actress and singer and secondarily other cadets, their teachers and other locals. It has great comedy, really good romance (including their hilarious bickering), enjoyable action and entertaining dynamic of the cast. All the actors did an excellent job here, the standouts being Bai Lu, for portraying being able to convincingly play the female role and the female disguised as male role all while knocking out her emotional and comedic scenes and Xu Kai, who can forget his electrifying performance as a lovable troublemaker. I have to warn you that the story gets serious in the last 10ish episodes and that the love triangle does drag out a little bit longer than it should but it's resolution is still good. To me the drama didn't seem overly patriotic so I didn't have a problem rooting for the characters and their goals of protecting and improving their country. This ranked first because it's romance, characters and their comraderie won me over completely.

You can also check out my costumed cdrama rankings.

As I'm still a newbie to cdramas and kdramas, I welcome your recommendations.

[thebakingqueen5]

KW 2023: Reunion

Day 7 for Kataang Week 2023 hosted by @kataang-week with the prompt Reunion!

Links: AO3 || FF.net

Summary: 7 days, 7 prompts, 7 snapshots of their lives, and my 7th fricking year of having done this. "To whomever it may concern: You and a guest of your choice are cordially invited to the Eastern Fire Nation Secondary School's 10-Year Reunion on the 7th day of the 4th month of the year 110 AG in the caves near EFNSS. Join us for a night of dancing, music, and more!" Or, the one where Katara and Aang have some improvements for their Kataango.

Word Count: 3.7k

Preview:

"Sorry for coming home so late, sweetie," he said, muffled by the crook of her neck.

Katara pressed a kiss to the tip of his arrow and frowned as the bags under his eyes were illuminated by the candlelight. "Don't worry about it, Aang. I'm just glad you're home now. Here." She shifted towards the edge of the bed and patted the space next to her for him to join her under the blankets.

"You got some mail today," she whispered to him once he settled beneath the layers of shed bison fur. He quirked an eyebrow up at her. It was rare that any mail came directly to Air Temple Island when he wasn't home. Avatar-related correspondences usually went straight to City Hall, unless his immediate attention was required.

"Well, I suppose that's not true." Katara turned on her side, stretching her arm behind her to retrieve the gold-accented crimson envelope lying on the side table. "Kuzon got mail," she said as she handed it to Aang.

"Kuzon?"

[hashtagloveloses]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

the issue here is i have a recency issue. they cycle out depending on what i’ve consumed recently. so ill forget a blorbo and be sad about it. also i have a predilection for sad little bisexual guys so it’s very skewed

1. one of my OGs is will parry from his dark materials. he’s of that type of male character that is relentlessly kind shonen protagonist who keeps being forced into violence but doesnt want to. also the original book boyfriend next to percy jackson. 12 year old me was obsessed. i loved prince caspian and half the narnia boys for the same reason, and when i watched fullmetal alchemist this was why alphonse elric was my favorite elric brother. (this is also why i love yuji, tanjiro, and deku very dearly)

2. probably one of my first blorbos of all time was elphaba from wicked, hence my old URL. reading that book too early changed my brain chemistry. area leftist of a marginalized identity maligned by society and also bisexual as hell. she will always be my first and forever girly. you can imagine what happened to me when i met wei wuxian, who is essentially the same character. i went nuts

3. the funny little bisexual man who covers his pain with humor and cares so deeply usually goes on the list. one of my first was and always will be Sokka, but percy jackson fills this role as well as my beloveds, Satoru Gojo, and Vash the Stampede

4. funny little bisexual man who covers his pain with humor and is doomed by the narrative could cover many already mentioned but Nicholas D. Wolfwood remains the pinnacle. he’s very important to me. ive made a lot of posts about him but him representing this existential dread that you’ll die before you find happiness haunts me

5. the secondary villain who becomes a begrudging part of the team for comedy also always is a favorite but Greed from FMA has always stuck with me. an embodiment of one of humanity’s sins finding peace because the thing he most coveted became the love of others and not material wants got my ass

6. i understand there arent many women on this list and while i have favorite female characters in many pieces of media they dont often make the top list, however asajj ventress goes on the list. her story even before dark disciple is one of the best in star wars. as u can tell i have a predilection for evil women maligned in society

7. maul is also one of my favorites of all time. they really resurrected him and made him the most compelling in the narrative. the tragedy that he wont let go even in his last moments always gets me. watching twin suns actually broke me. his story in rebels was airing in a part of my life where i really identified with him as someone gifted yet ignored and thrown away and it got me

8. shocking absolutely no one, while sailor moon is one of my favorite pieces of media of all time and it is largely about women, my blorbo is tuxedo mask, mamoru chiba, the like ONE guy. he’s pathetic, he’s bisexual, and he’s also one of my first anime crushes of all time. more importantly he has been wronged by many adaptations and i must fight for his honor.

9. the Doctor remains ever important to me, especially 9, but them as a character. probably the same as Vash and Xie Lian, the sad immortal character cursed to constantly be alone who doesn’t want to hurt people always gets my ass

10. Rapunzel from Tangled has always been a very special blorbo for reasons i wont share online but that series had my ass in a vice grip for a reason

[bg-sparrow]

For the writing asks, do the 3s: 3, 13, 23, etc.

For this fanfic writer ask game!

3. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

I’d say 6 or 7. I’m a romantic, but I don’t really read romance? I’m more into the romance being a secondary or tertiary storyline. And a good romance, to me, is built upon the small moments of the big, hectic adventure of life, so that’s where I love finding it in a good story!

13. Talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

There Are No Roads (Time Circuits #2.5) was a huge surprise to me. In my OC x canon rewrite, it was meant to be this 10K oneshot of Doc’s time in 1885 before Marty showed up, and it turned in a 40K, 9-chapter fic where each chapter was dedicated to a month, the last of which detailed the timeline of September 1885B (if Doc had been shot at the festival/ Marty hadn’t shown up). I loved the minor characters that took on a life of their own, the subplots that flourished, and the exploration I got to do of the canon characters. I’m still, to this day, immensely proud of it and reread it often.

23. How do you deal with writer's block?

At the moment? Not very well, lol. For real, usually, getting out an actual notebook with a pen and just writing out “Why do we feel stuck?” and prompting myself like that leads to me talking to myself for a page or so until my brain untangles something. Or I’ll ask, “What part are we excited to write next?”, list a scene or two, then tell myself to just write a line or two for them right now (which ends up turning into a few hundred words). I still panic when it happens, though, like I don’t know if it will help. 

(Also, apologies to anyone reading it, but I am a little blocked and lack motivation on Once Upon a Time in the North right now. But it will get done!)

33. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

I guess the characters come to mind first with a vague haze of a plot around them. As I build one, the other fills out, and it’s a back and forth. Then, as I go on, it becomes, “how does the character react if I do this? What if their reaction is the opposite of what I expect? What does that say for their character AND the story?” They’re very co-dependent to me.

43. How did writing change you?

Writing grounds me. It’s the ability to have control and create order with words and ideas I lack in real life, especially as someone who went undiagnosed with severe ADHD until adulthood. I was always centered and focused the most when I had good music structuring a scene in my mind, and I love editing because of that control I have to form the narrative just the way I want. 

53. When writing, do you have an outline? And do you stick to it?

For longer fics, definitely. I try to tell myself to adhere to the basic structure I’ve laid out, but I’ve moved stuff around, like moving scenes from the end of one chapter to the beginning of the next or, within a chapter, rearranging those scenes. After Time Circuits, I gave up the rigid outlining for a bit just to see how I’d fare, but I still end up with loose outlines in my notebooks when working stuff out. 

63. What’s the best insult you’ve read in a fic?

I have no idea! That’s a great question! I can’t really think of one off the top of my head!

73. How do you visualize scenes? Do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

I’m a very visual person, so when I write, there is a movie playing out on the page. Then, once I have it out, I go back and fill in the introspection and detail the setting a bit more.

83. Less is more or more is more?

Less is more. God, I’ve been learning that lesson since I started taking writing seriously in college (again, because I tend to be wordy). Learning how to be succinct and hit people with just the right words is a lot of fun, and I like to practice that with the many drabbles I write throughout the year. They are great practice!

93. Do you hear other people’s writing styles when they talk?

So, and this might sound strange, but I don’t talk to a lot of writers to where I audibly hear them? I chat with fellow writers online, and I can see the similarities if I’m looking for them, but for the most part, this doesn’t really apply to me! I’ve never talked to/ chatted with someone where it was immediately apparent. Sometimes I think I’m that person, though!

Thanks for the ask!! :D

[tiffanylamps]

Hey hey, I can’t remember if this is strictly canon or not but wasn’t there a scene where Kwon Hyuk was like (@HJW) “you were like why should i care for pleasantries when you’ll be leaving anyways”

And I know Kwon Hyuk is his tutor once but WHEN?!?? like. there’s a decade where HJW was at a boarding school and then he comes back to SK and then is in the police academy so when is he tutored by KHK??

Anon, (thank you for your ask) I literally stretched and rolled my shoulders for this IT'S HYUK AND JOO WON TIME PALS!!!!

Okay, I tried to do maths for this and I'm a silly artistic person, not a smart person who can think through timelines. Okay okay, here is my understanding of the Joo Won + Hyuk timeline!!!

2000: Han Ki Hwan drives drunk and kills Lee Yu Yeon in a hit and run.

          He sends his wife to a mental institution (At age 7) He sends JW to England to attend Eton (an elite boarding school)

          (At some point before during this time period, Joo Won's mum completed suicide) 

Joo Won spends the next (almost) decade in England and doesn't see his father once.

2009: In England, when Joo Won was at school, the age at which a student will complete compulsory education is 16. So, Joo Won would have completed all of his final exams by June 2009, meaning his compulsory education in England would have ended, and furthermore, his placement at Eton would come to an end. As Han Ki Hwan intended for Joo Won to return to South Korea, he clearly did not invest in Joo Won furthering his education in an English education system. Instead, he brought his son home. From my understanding of the South Korean education system, students don't graduate from compulsory education until they're 18. So, even though Joo Won has a secondary school-level certificate, in South Korea, it doesn't mean shit. So, he had to go back to school. As it seems quite clear from early on that Joo Won wanted to follow his father's career path, he probably needed a Korean certification to get into KNPU (Korea Nation Police University) and as he's been in an English-speaking for almost a decade, I can imagine he struggled a bit with his Korean....

(http://www.koreaneducentreinuk.org/en/education-in-korea/)

So, enter Kwon Hyuk, a diligent and intelligent student training to be a Prosecutor. Han Ki Kwan hired Hyuk to be Joo Won's tutor when Joo Won returned to Korea around the age of 16/17. He helped Joo Won during his final years of high school, so he could gain the qualifications to go to university. He became a live-in tutor, with his education paid for by Han Ki Hwan and probably given a reasonable salary. This also suggests that Hyuk can speak enough English for the two of them (Hyuk and Joo Won) to have a working relationship (in the early days. where I can imagine a very bratty and disorientated Joo Won was as difficult as possible)

It's not really discussed how long Hyuk was Joo Won's tutor. If he tutored him until he completed high school or if he helped with his uni work, as well. But I can imagine he did- I believe he has a real soft spot for Joo Won (and Joo Won for him), despite them both living under Han Ki Hwan's abuse. (so, if my math is correct, Joo Won graduated from high school in roughly 2011/2. He then went on to do 4 years at KNPU, meaning he graduated in 2015/6. Then it only could him 4ish years to rise up from Police Officer, Senior Police Officer, Assistant Inspector, to Inspector. All by the age of 27. That's impressive!!

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Police_Agency_(South_Korea) Also, an interesting thing to note is that when Joo Won returned to South Korea, he would have become a year older automatically because of the Korean ageing system. That's off topic but I think it's interesting.)

Yes, I probably go into more detail but I feel this is the most concise way to answer your question. I hope that makes sense!! tldr: Because of England's and Korea's differing education systems, Joo Won needed a tutor to help him gain a Korean high school diploma in order to go to university.

Thanks again for the ask!! (I hope I've given you the correct information ahah)

[ausetkmt]

29 Physical And Emotional Ways Childhood Trauma Can Show Up In Adults, From Those Who Have Lived It

If you or someone you know grew up in a difficult home environment, it can be common for people to develop certain personality traits or "survival techniques" during this time — which can impact their adult lives in the long run.

So when I saw that Reddit user u/ThatRamKid recently asked, "What's a sign of childhood trauma?" I thought it would be helpful to share some of the answers to see if others might resonate. Here's what some respondents had to say:

1."Hyper independence. You can’t be let down if you never ask for anything in the first place."

—u/caseofgrapes

"This is me. A huge stress of mine. People always try to compliment it and say, 'Oh, you're so independent.' It has some positives for sure — but everything is always on me. Everything is on my shoulders and nobody else's. If I fuck up, I have no one to help. It's exhausting."

–u/rippedloser Coroimage / Getty Images

2."Difficulty trusting, low self-esteem, and fears of being judged."

—u/ReynaAllman

3."Completely shutting down when criticized or corrected. It took me years to get past this."

—u/Ambiguity_Aspect

"Yes! I always feel like I have to explain myself because I think people wouldn’t criticize or correct me if they knew what I was thinking."

—u/notthebestusername12

4."In some cases, excessive people-pleasing tendencies."

—u/paul_rudds_drag_race

"Yep, if anyone is interested in this, google fawning. It’s an alternative to fight/flight/freeze. Not an expert, just a survivor, but from what I understand/experienced, it manifests when a victim can’t get out of an unsafe situation and ends up people-pleasing as an attempt to avoid setting off their abuser or minimize the extent of the abuse."

—u/kriscrossroads

"From Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving:

'Traumatized children often over-gravitate to one of these response patterns to survive, and as time passes these four modes become elaborated into entrenched defensive structures ...

RESPONSE (MECHANISM) Defense (mechanism)

FIGHT (RAGE to be safe) Narcissistic (control to connect)

FLIGHT (PERFECT to be safe) Obsessive/Compulsive (perfect to connect)

FREEZE (HIDE to be safe) Dissociative (no way I'll connect)

FAWN (GROVEL to be safe) Codependent (merge to connect)'

"I'm also not an expert, just a survivor. My personal theory is that each response mechanism maps onto the big emotions (anger, disgust/fear, sadness, and joy deferred).

"A quick lesson from years of therapy: If you don't learn how to respect and honor your emotions by letting them speak in healthy ways internally, then they are bound to morph into pathologies that end up popping out sideways or backward socially."

—u/UberSeoul Morsa Images / Getty Images

5."I am always scared that people are mad at me. Always."

—u/goaskalexdotcom

6."Trouble forming relationships."

—u/CavalloScuro

7."Getting disproportionately frustrated at themselves for small accidents such as spilling things and accidentally breaking something. What happens is a lot of these people were abused as kids for doing these things, so as adults, when these things happen, their brains overload their systems with fear and anxiety, and frustration can be a secondary emotion to that. This is basically a conditioned response because your brain associates these accidents with imminent danger. This is why therapy is so important for people who had shit childhoods, especially during their developing years. I had no idea this was a thing until I went to therapy, but when my therapist explained this to me, it made so much sense. And now when these things happen, I tend to laugh it off."

—u/Mirraco323

"Yep, as a kid, I was never allowed to make mistakes. Received bad grades? I was grounded until the next report card. Dropped a glass? I was berated for being sloppy and careless (exact words). Lost something? I'm also sloppy and careless.

"I went through this my entire childhood and lived with my parents off and on through college. In my first two jobs after college, I had managers who did the same thing, so I just assumed I was the fuckup. I started my current job right about a year ago, and I found a mistake I had made a few months back. I went straight to my boss (it could potentially be a costly mistake) and his response was, 'Thank you for letting me know, and thank you for tracking everything down for me.' I kind of pushed to make sure he understood that I fucked up, and he said, 'Yeah, it's OK. We're all human, and as your boss, it was my job to make sure you understood what was asked. I didn't, and you made an understandable mistake. And now you've done everything in your power to help fix it. I'm proud of you.'

"I held it together for the remaining three hours of my shift, but I burst into tears the second I got in the car to go home. I have never had someone treat me with such kindness and actually recognize that I didn't make that mistake on purpose. And he also recognized that I tried my hardest to make things easier for him and that I wanted to work together to fix things."

—u/Totally_Not_Anna Westend61 / Getty Images/Westend61

8."Always saying sorry. Feeling guilty for speaking up."

—u/Clear-Penalty339

9."Choosing partners who don't support, cherish, or value you. Choosing jobs and relationships that reflect the lack of empathy and neglect that you grew up with."

—u/strawman_11

10."Unable to forgive themselves for small mistakes."

11."Oversharing when you haven’t known the person long. Or the opposite, where you don’t open up to anybody. Two extremes."

—u/agbellamae

"What about both? Oversharing with total strangers but not opening up to friends/family."

—u/Imnotpoopingrn

"That’s me, but not with in-person strangers — only online strangers, where I can be anonymous."

—u/I-love-rainbows

12."Having a hard time showing emotion."

—u/-LavenderFlower-

"This, and sometimes having a hard time even describing how or why you feel the way you do."

—u/jillyszabo

"This is a big one. A side effect of emotionally numbing yourself, or depersonalization."

—u/Randomn355

13."Hypervigilance."

—u/StuEdin

"Survival technique. The kind where you know a parent is going to fly off the handle by the sound the floor makes when they walk."

—u/Ambiguity_Aspect

"Not just parents — I have it from severe school bullying. My parents are great.

"When I eat, I naturally end up facing the entrance of whatever room I'm in; I stand with my back to the wall on the metro; I really, really don't like people standing directly behind me, etc. This probably manifests differently from family abuse stuff, but it's definitely a thing. Mine is because kids would sneak up behind me and stab pencil lead into my back and stuff, or staples, while at lunch or whatever, so I ended up getting horse brain and freaking out when someone's directly behind me."

—u/BlatantConservative Maki Nakamura / Getty Images

14."Scared of conflict to the point where you avoid it at all costs, because you're certain that if it happens, the other person will hate you or it will end horribly. You’ve never seen people calmly sit down and discuss their emotions in a loving way, so that world doesn’t exist for you."

—u/blushbell

15."The ability to stay calm in emergencies or chaotic situations."

—u/Glass_Command_5432

"Ahh, that last one got me. When shit hits the fan, I am almost always calm, but when things are just fine...crippling anxiety about what could go wrong, LOL."

—u/twitchytortoise

16."Peacekeeping. A kid doesn't realize that their parent (mom, in my case) is an emotionally abusive asshole. All I knew is, I didn't want people to be so mad at each other. I think my life would have been better if I hadn't talked them out of divorce."

—u/BridgetteBane

"My parents fought constantly. Verbal abuse at its finest. As the oldest, I was the peacekeeper. Then I became an unwilling 'counselor' for my mom in my early teens and a whipping boy for my stepdad. These two should never have been together, and our lives would have been better had they divorced."

—u/Tiny_Teach_5466 Photoalto / Getty Images/PhotoAlto

17."Feeling bad just for existing."

—u/thatdrunkbetch

18."Perfectionism. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I just always thought I was bad at everything or 'lazy,' when, in fact, I deal with a crippling level of perfectionism."

—u/still_hate_pancakes

19."Extreme self-cringe. Doubting if what you said was the right thing. Doubting if you acted the right way, or behaved the right way in a social setting. Asking someone several times if you did something correctly. Zoning out because you randomly remembered a traumatic childhood memory, low self-esteem, lack of confidence."

20."No or few good memories."

—u/HypnoticBurden

"I feel amazed when someone remembers every detail of their childhood, all their schoolteachers' names from grades 1 through 12. My early years are mostly haze."

—u/GREASYROOFTOP

21."An adult acting childlike. People think it's cringe, but age regression is a trauma response. You can especially see this if you've ever been to a psych ward. People are clinging to blankets and stuffed animals. Childhood was probably the last time they existed without being traumatized."

—u/dinosanddais1

22."Childish activities become almost like treats. People can just enjoy watching things from their childhood or playing games independent of trauma, but it is incredibly common for people with trauma to want to relive the childhood they lost when they are in a safer environment."

23."Being an 'empath.' You actually have conditioned yourself to be highly attuned to micro changes that indicate negativity you need to look out for."

—u/OkJellyfish6400

24."Constant dark humor or self-deprecating humor. People might think you're really funny and forgiving, but sometimes they are both just coping mechanisms."

—u/IKickedASmurf

25."Being insecurely attached to friends and romantic partners."

26."Overexplaining."

—u/veronicagh

"Justifying your thoughts and actions in your head as if preparing for someone to pop in and demand an explanation."

—u/Anonymous7056

27."Constantly feeling that you need approval from other people."

—u/StriveForGreat1017

28."No eye contact. I know because even at the age of 45, I always struggle with this."

29."Someone once told me, 'Your parents shouldn't be your first bullies,' and holy FUCK, that rocked me. One sign you can notice in yourself that I didn't realize until I started therapy: You don't have physical sensations when feeling. Everything is just like...mental? It's hard to explain, but happiness is supposed to exist somewhere physically. Not every emotion is supposed to be represented by your permanent vague chest tension. Wild!"

"Another sign: You rarely, if ever, talk about yourself socially. I ask a shit ton of questions of people, and I am happy to listen to them and hear their problems, but I don't share much of myself with anyone. It makes it hard for me to deepen relationships because I don't practice vulnerability. I don't think people want to hear from me."

—u/AmbienWalrusTime

Are there other signs of childhood trauma that weren't mentioned above? If so, tell us what they are in the comments below.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.

Dial 988 in the US to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. Find other international suicide helplines at Befrienders Worldwide (befrienders.org).

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.

[nancy-drew-is-bae]

Nancy Drew: Curse of Blackmoor Manor Thoughts/Review (a thread)

I have a feeling there will be updates to these lists, but here is the first category!

Group 1: No Spoilers (Minimal discussion of gameplay. Characters are discussed at surface level. No culprit mentions at all, duh.)

Where are the bathrooms? Or even just one honestly. I know the manor was built in the mid 14th century, but I find it very hard to believe that no one in the past 700+ years thought it reasonable to add indoor plumbing. Especially given the well that used to be full of water with a functioning sprayer nozzle.

As a follow up to that, where is Mrs. Drake getting water from to water all of those plants in the conservatory? She says the well dried up when Alan died (ten years prior to game start), so where has she been getting water from? Don't even try to tell me that this 78 year old woman is walking up and down 2 flights of stairs with a bucket of water (1 gallon of water weighs about 8 lbs, for reference). The conservatory contains between 75-100 plants (my best estimate) including TREES. Just think about how much exertion that would involve to carry that kind of water up and down stairs at 78 years of age. But lets just say, for the sake of argument, she is carrying the water down the stairs. Where would she even get it?? There are no sinks in this stupid (affectionate) house. She can’t use the kitchen – it went kablooey. Again I ask, WHERE ARE THE BATHROOMS?

Speaking of Mrs. Drake, keep in mind she’s 78. Is she seriously cleaning the whole manor by herself? The Penvellyns are basically nobility and Hugh is currently a diplomat. How do they not have house staff like a maid? No wonder Mrs. Drake is so anal about tracking mud on the floors. Honestly, I don’t blame her. But also, just hire a maid? They can afford to have high quality food ordered, and delivered mind you, for an indefinite period, but a maid is too much? Ridiculous. (I’m well aware of Mrs. Drake’s spiel about “self-reliance” and house staff being gossiping “ne’er do wells”, I just think it’s ridiculous and a cop out)

Why is Mrs. Drake only grey in 4 spots at 78 years old?

Is The Boar’s Head Pub delivering meals on fine china and silver platters? Or is Mrs. Drake taking meals from a Styrofoam to go box and plating it all fancy? Is the delivery person entering Nancy’s bedroom at random and without warning or is Mrs. Drake taking it in there? If Mrs. Drake is using the manor’s dishes, how in the world is she washing them? She can’t use the kitchen – it went kablooey. Again I ask, WHERE ARE THE BATHROOMS?

The library has 1-2 additional floors Nancy can’t access. Next to Nigel there is what appears to be a staircase on the secondary floor of the library, but only part of it is visible. The question remains, does this lead to a third floor of the library that isn’t otherwise visible at all, or is it the entrance to the second floor? There isn’t a way to reach the second floor from the main room of the library.

Where are Ethel and Nigel staying??? Mrs. Drake refers to them as also being house guests, but there are no additional bedrooms! Also, she says Jane is “staying with us,” which makes it sound like she is temporarily visiting, but like, she lives there? Her dad owns the place, why wouldn’t she live there lol.

Why does Nigel leave his laptop sitting out overnight and without password protection? Or for that matter turned on?? How does he have his laptop powered on 24/7 without being plugged in? Especially in 2003, good golly.

Why is it always daytime outside the window in Nancy’s room she stays in? The lighting is always identical in the conservatory as well and seems to indicate sunlight coming in through the glass roof.

Are we given a reason why Hugh and crew move back to the manor? They’ve been living in America for 10+ years and Jane was in public/private school. Linda was from America as well, so why exactly did Hugh uproot his entire family to go live with his elderly aunt he isn’t even close to?? Maybe I’m just not remembering the reason, but it seems strange to me.

Jane loves Brady Armstrong, but she doesn’t own a TV. I guess she watched the Heartthrob Channel in America, but still. It seems weird she doesn’t complain she can’t watch TV anymore.

Why doesn’t the manor have any sort of formal sitting room, piano room, living room, dining room, etc? If there was a door or two that we couldn’t enter (like they’re locked and Nancy says it’s off-limits) I could be much more forgiving. But as is, there’s nowhere a sitting room, bathrooms, additional guest rooms, laundry room, closets, etc. could be. For goodness sakes, Jane doesn’t even have a closet, dresser, shelves…ANYTHING for storage in her room. Like, where are all her clothes?? How are any of the characters getting clean or going to the bathroom? WHERE ARE THE BATHROOMS

How is Loulou 80+ years old when virtually no one seems to feed her besides Nancy? Jane has the fancy cake supplies, but what was Mrs. Drake feeding Loulou for the past 10 years?

Why and how has Mrs. Drake lived at Blackmoor by herself for the past decade? She’s elderly, this seems unwise.

How are the Penvellyns able to heat a massive greenhouse (essentially) in the middle of the UK such that they can keep palm trees alive for decades??

Nancy’s phone time is in military/24hr time, but she doesn’t have a way to “google” or ask anyone how to read military time. If you are a sheltered 10 year old in 2003, I’m not sure how the game expects you to be able to decipher the time…I guess if you looked at the clock in Nancy’s room you could figure it out, but still. She could have had an article on her phone about it.

Why doesn’t Nancy ever drink tea in this game?? She’s in the UK, that feels like a hate crime or something. Granted, even more concerning, Nancy never drinks anything during the entire game, despite eating numerous meals at Blackmoor.

Nancy having numbers on two separate phones with no overlap is not ideal. To put it lightly.

Some of the random spots where Nancy can use her phone feel somewhat passive aggressive (like in the library).

You can see slightly higher towards the ceilings before stepping through the doorways even though you should be more limited on how high you can see from outside the room. (This might make absolutely no sense and I apologize)

The East Hall is more like a closet than a hall.

Hugh and Linda decided to unpack their books and framed photos in their bedroom, but not uncover the furniture to maximize how much it feels like an estate sale.

The ceiling rafters are visible through the solid wood bedframe in Linda’s room. Multiple items within this one room are reflective or translucent that I feel like shouldn’t be and it truly feels like a fever dream.

Jane and Nancy’s rooms are extremely similar in size, windows, etc. and they’re also on the same wall of the hallway upstairs. Linda’s room is completely different and on the same wall (right next to) Mrs. Drake’s room. Does this mean Linda and Mrs. Drake have similar rooms too?

The way Nancy says “loop de loop” sounds like her mouth is full of toothpaste and she’s impersonating a washing machine rinse cycle.

The game contradicts itself about when Randulf the Red was alive and gifted the Penvellyn lands. Most sources cite the middle of the 14th century; however, Nancy’s web search says the 12th century and Nigel himself says the 15th century. According to the Penvellyn family tree in Jane’s room, Randulf died in 1401, but no birth year is listed. Is the game trying to insinuate he was vaguely immortal or was it simply a continuity error? I’m assuming the latter.

[nordic-language-love]

Hi!! I started following you because I'm learning Norwegian and you also seem very cool :3 how long have you been learning norsk? What drew you to it in the first place?

Hi there! Thanks for following and for believing I might be cool (sorry if you're disappointed later down the line when you get to know me better but thanks for taking a chance anyway 😅) As for what drew me to Norwegian, a number of things:

My mum was a DJ in Scandinavia in her early 20s (she was a lot cooler than me) and she told me how cool Norway, Sweden and Denmark are

I had some Norwegian friends at uni and also one in secondary school who taught me a couple of phrases (mostly super useful things like "jeg er en skitten liten pike" and "har du fått AIDS eller?")

I've always been quite interested in the Norse pantheon and Viking culture (not in a weird white supremicist way)

I've just kinda. always felt a bit of a pull towards nordic countries? It's difficult to explain but as I kid I would write stories all the time and for some reason loads of my characters came from nordic countries or they were set in a nordic country despite me knowing next to nothing about them.

When I decided I wanted to learn a new language it was a toss-up between Finnish and Norwegian. So I went to my local bookshop to find language books, and they had none on Finnish and one on Norwegian. So I chose Norwegian.

Regarding how long I've been learning: I kinda dabbled between late 2015 and 2018, taking some long pauses and not really studying properly, but then I decided to really go for it around March 2019 I think? I can't remember exactly. So I guess technically it's been 7 years.

Thanks for the question! Hopefully I'll see you around in the langblr community!

[illuveterian-archives]

The Last Illuveterian - Part 7

CW: Panic attacks, PTSD, Self depreciation

I awoke with a start some time later, though, I’m not exactly sure how long. The water was still warm and clear. I was no longer covered in blood, and the floor was clean. I stood up and pulled the plug in the tub for the water to begin draining. I carefully peeled the soaked clothing off and wrapped myself in a warm towel which had been placed on the wall next to the tub.

Once I was sufficiently dry I went into the closet to get new clothes, leaving the other set in the tub to either dry off or vanish, it didn’t matter which occurred at that moment. From the closet I selected a pair of loose sweatpants, a baggy sweater, and a set of house shoes. 

The room seemed to swim around me, so I sat carefully on the carpet, leaning against the wall. I sat there for several minutes contemplating what I had done. I had just killed 6 people. The 6 people remaining that had caused all of my suffering. They were gone and I’d never have to deal with them again. I should have felt free, I didn’t. It didn’t feel like enough. There were hundreds. Thousands of people who thought, believed, acted, and caused harm exactly as those men did. Innocent people suffered at the hands of them. I suffered at their hands. And people continue to suffer. It wasn’t enough. 

Even though outwardly, I was calm, a powerful anger grew inside me as I continued to think about it. My reflection offered no emotion to my face. An energy coursed through me then, causing me to stand and make my way downstairs. I made my way over to the door that led to the woods. I gripped the handle and pulled open the door. As I peered through the endless shadowed forest the anger vanished, along with the calm. It confused me. That was the third time that had happened. And the first had been 9 years prior. I closed the door.

I went back upstairs through my room and into the library, sitting heavily into a seat at a table. 

“What is happening to me?” I asked aloud. I kept my gaze to the table, not even raising it when a book fell in front of me. I simply slid it over to me. The cover read “Colors and Personality Types”. There was a small piece of paper marking a page. I flipped to that section and the paper fell to the table.

The particular section I had flipped to was titled: Vitiligo types 1 and 2. Vitiligo? That was incredibly rare, and I knew for certain I hadn’t been born with it. As far I was aware previously, there was only “vitiligo”, and I had no idea there was one type. To be perfectly fair, I was very small, and all I knew is that some people had it. 

Vitiligo in our species is essentially a personality disorder, though there’s not really a diagnosis that humans have which would accurately describe it. It’s not usually anything bad. Most of the time if a person has more than one dominant personality type, the colors blend into their new colors. With vitiligo, they have two or more dominant personality traits, however they never interact or occur at the same time, meaning the colors stay separate. If you’re born with it, each color occupies 50% of your body and neither progresses further, as that is the maximum it can be. This is “Type 1” Evidently, there’s a “Type 2”. According to that book, type 2 vitiligo is when you develop it after trauma. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t always there, because it was. The secondary color just needs to be triggered by a significant event. Spots usually begin materializing in locations that are harder to see, meaning it’s more difficult to spot early. It then progresses over time until it reaches the maximum of 50%. The progression occurs each time an “episode” of that color is experienced, and the growth is determined by how long that episode lasts. Type 2 is apparently more dangerous, as suddenly a person becomes more and more unpredictable, and the secondary personality is usually one of more “self protecting” aspects. 

That is where I stopped reading. I dropped the book and ran back out into my bedroom and into the closet. 

“I need another mirror” I called out, staring at my reflection in the one. It expanded into another 4 mirrors, creating a half circle around me. I rolled up the right pant leg to the hip, what was left of that leg was clean. I did the same to the other side. The entire leg was good. I pulled off the sweater next. There was nothing on my one arm, and my chest and next showed nothing. Slowly, I turned at an angle. There, in the middle of my back immediately next to a scar, was a green spot, about the size of a quarter. I had vitiligo. My entire being began shaking and I fell to the floor. I felt ashamed. Like I was a failure. Blue and Green never blended. They were exact opposite personalities. It was the absolute worst combination to have. I threw the sweater back on quickly. I didn’t even want to think of its existence. I was curled up for several minutes in that panic attack before I fell. There was no heat from my body, but the floor gave way and all of a sudden I was on ornate obsidian flooring. The floor itself was warm, and the air around me had a dark ambiance.

As I sat up, I glanced at my new surroundings. The walls were a dark stone with gold accents. The room was lit with torches and candles, and the lighting was overall a red tone. There were a few tables in the room and several chairs. 

Dull clicks on the floor accompanied a tall woman walking in suddenly. I sat frozen on the floor. She was quite obviously taller than me by a good several inches. Curled horns stuck out from either side of her head and her hair fell in neat curls to her waist. Her skin was a dark gray and her eyes a shining orange. She was dressed in a long light purple dress, which had a slit up most of her leg. We stared at each other for several moments, and I’m sure my face mirrored the fear I felt. It felt like we were locked in that stare for eternity before she smiled and spoke.

“Hello, dear. I take it you didn’t expect to find yourself here?” She made her way to me, peering down. I couldn’t find the words to speak so I just shook my head. She continued, “Do you know where you are?” I shook my head again.

“This is Hell, my name is Lilith, and you’re currently residing in my castle. Here.” She knelt a bit and offered her hand. I took it and she helped me stand. I was still shaking and a bit wobbly on my feet. She placed a hand gently onto my shoulder to steady and I involuntarily flinched. I suppose it was the first genuine contact I had received that wasn’t accompanied with pain of some sort. This caught her off guard for a moment, but she smiled again and guided me over to a table, having me sit in one of the chairs. She sat opposite to me.

“What’s your name?” She prodded gently

“Raymond.” I answered, not daring to look her in her eyes.

“It is wonderful to meet you, Raymond.” She paused a moment before continuing “What are you, if I may ask, dear?” She lowered her head down to meet my gaze, and I shot straight up, my face flushing a deep blue.

“Ah! Sorry. I’m-- I’m Illuveterian.” I diverted my gaze again.

“Oh. Curious. I thought that’s what you were, however, I was under the impression that they went extinct a couple decades ago.” At that I slumped forward a bit. I hated thinking about the fact.

“Well, ah, I am the last one, as far as I’m aware. Everything I’ve read says I should be dead if I wasn’t completely alone.” I looked only at the floor. My face felt hot, and I was sure I’d start to break down if I looked any longer at her directly.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry to hear that darling, It must be a dreadful experience. Aren’t you a touch bonding species? How long have you been on your own?” She put her left hand on mine across the table, not taking a moment to care that it was made of metal.

“19 years. And yeah. We, um, we are.” I pulled my legs closer to me, and gripped onto the fabric of my sweatpants, my hands both shaking. She sat in thought for several moments, the quietness of the air was uncomfortable.

“Wait here, I will be right back.” She stood quickly and rushed from the room. It became entirely silent within moments of her absence, the clacks of her shoes against the floor fading as she went. My own thoughts clouded my consciousness, and I felt tears burn down my cheeks.

I was so absorbed into my mind that I didn’t even notice when Lilith had returned. She gently placed her hand back on mine and I jumped. On the table now were two mugs with steam coming from them. I quickly wiped my face and looked up to her.

“I am not sure if alcohol has any effect on your species, however I do hope you enjoy it anyways.” She smiled, and lifted one of the mugs to her lips.

“What is it?” I asked, pulling the other mug towards me.

“It’s a bourbon hot chocolate. I find them quite comforting on rough days.” I looked at the mug in my hands and carefully lifted it. I wondered for a moment if maybe there was poison in it, before I quickly shook my head to be rid of the thought. Even on the off chance that it had been poisoned. That wouldn’t do anything. Regardless of the immortality.

The drink itself was incredible. It was very warm and comforting. The flavors all mixed really well, and a strong calm immediately washed over me. A heavy sigh escaped me as I finally felt relaxed. It didn’t occur to me that I hadn’t felt that in days or months even, until that moment. The air around me went from feeling tense to calm and inviting. The red glow that most things in the surrounding room had now felt warm. It was nice to look at. There had to be magic ingrained in the drink.

“Raymond?” Lilith drew me from my thoughts.

“Hm?” I hummed in response, mid sip.

“I do realize that this is our first time meeting. But I feel bad you’ve been on your own this long. And you’re still a child. I would like to offer you something.” There was no malice in her tone. It reminded me of my own mother’s voice.

“Offer me something?” I set the mug down, hesitant at the question. “Have you been living alone all those years?” She pressed. And I tensed again. “Ah, since I was 16. I spent about 14 months unconscious and healing at first, that’s when I got my prosthetics. Then I was with a couple for about a year. They tried to adopt me, and were killed because of it.” I paused for a moment, questioning if I should continue. I don’t know why I felt so open to tell her, “Then I… I was sent to Nuemann’s Asylum where I stayed for 8 years. Then I escaped at 16. I live in a pocket dimension now.” It felt like some weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It felt good to talk about it, and it certainly didn’t seem hard to trust Lilith. It was like talking to my own mom, easy to do. Though I wasn’t entirely sure why I was suddenly so willing to be open. Definitely magic in the hot chocolate.

“Well, dear, I have plenty of empty rooms sitting here in my castle, and nobody to use them. Despite human rumors I am not the mother of all monsters or demons. I only have 7 children, and though they live at home here, I have plenty of room. All but one are grown.” She then paused, as if pondering the best way to ask, “Who were your parents if I may ask?”

Of course she could ask. She was Lady Lilith, queen of Hell. I felt obligated to answer, though no anxiety followed, “My mother was Queen Adulia, and my father was Prince Signe.” That was the first time I had said their names aloud. I had read them in the records, but never put voice to them. It was odd not simply referring to them as ‘mom’ or ‘dad’.

“Given the current circumstances. Doesn’t that make you ‘King Raymond’?” I pondered the question. I had never put thought to it. I was the last in line for the throne, and was never supposed to receive it. I didn’t really want it, and  in my opinion, my eldest brother, Sage, was the best fit, though he wasn’t here any more. I had never received any formal training on royal duties, and with no kingdom to rule, I didn’t know what there even would be to do, or where I would begin.

“I suppose. In a technicality.” I paused, continuing to think, “I was never supposed to be King, and I don’t know how to be one.” I picked the mug back up and took a long sip.

“Well, I could certainly teach you how to do that. I think you’d get along quite well with the youngest of my boys. You’re pretty equivalent in Age. His name is Beleth. I would introduce you now, however he’s off doing training with his legions.” She noticed that I was focused primarily on the hot drink in my hands. “How would you feel about perhaps living here, in Hell? Maybe part time if you still wish to reside in your pocket dimension as well. It is entirely up to you, dear.” 

I thought about it for several moments. I barely knew Lilith, yet I felt as though I could trust her with anything. I took another sip and answered her, “Part time sounds nice.” She smiled, and stood, offering her hand again.

“Then let's get you a room picked out, Little King.” She pulled me to my led me down the hall, the half empty mugs left abandoned on the table. 

Each room was more magnificent than I had become accustomed to, though they certainly had a familiar feel. Lilith’s castle was far larger than the one my family used to reside in. Though, I suppose there is infinite room in hell for a castle of such size. The fact that I was walking around in a human afterlife hadn’t even fully registered yet. And it didn’t until several hours later. Eventually we came upon a room that she deemed as perfect. It’s not that I was being “picky” before that one. She just seemed absolutely determined to give me the best one in her mind. I wasn’t one to object.

The “perfect” room she had selected for me was very nice inside. There was a sizable fireplace on the back wall, a bed which appeared to be even bigger than my own, and several comfortable chairs. A couple of the walls contained floor to ceiling bookshelves, which sat empty for a few minutes until they slowly began filling. Each book just appearing from thin air.

“It knows what books you like, or what books you might like, and it’ll fill with those. As your taste changes, so will the shelves.” I spent several minutes looking through them, glancing over some titles. Some were even written in Illuveterian.

An ornate oaken door then appeared next to the bed, visually standing out quite a bit from the rest of the decor, being lighter in color. 

“That door is now connected to your pocket dimension, so you may come and go as you please. This is your home now as well, so you are welcome at any time.” At that statement she wrapped me in a tight hug. It definitely caught me off guard, but it wasn’t bad in any way. It was the first hug I had received in so many years, and I’m a little embarrassed to say that I melted into it quite a bit. She was warm and smelled of lavender. That hug lasted for several long moments before she let go. She cupped my cheek in her hand as she smiled. 

She motioned to the door that had appeared near the bed, “I would wager a guess that your pocket dimension has missed you. You’ve been here for some time now.” Time hadn’t even occurred to me at all, but she was right. From the time I had fallen to that moment it had been at the very least, a few hours, likely quite a bit more.

I nodded and made my way to the door, putting the knob when I reached it before then looking back at Lilith. “I’ll come back,” I promised. The time I had spent with her had made me feel significantly better than I did on my own.

“Whenever you wish,” She agreed, with a slight bow of her head. I turned my gaze back and made my way through the door. It was my living room. There were no lights on, causing everything to be shrouded in shadows. I could see that this new door was placed exactly opposite the door which leads into the human world, and right next to the doors which lead out to the void.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, the fireplace erupted in bright flames. The jukebox which I had placed under the landing of the stairs started playing loud music, and the lights all immediately came on. I will admit I was sufficiently startled, and nearly fell back against the door. After I had caught my balance I looked around at everything.

“Well, you’re certainly a bit more sentient than you let on, aren’t you? Did you miss me?” The fireplace once again lit up, tall flames reaching the top of the hearth, “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” The music from the jukebox stopped playing and the fire returned to normal. Something then occurred to me. “Do you have a name?” The fireplace shrunk to mere embers. 

“A ‘no’ then. Would you like one?” The fire grew once more to touch the hearth, bursts of static coming from the jukebox. The energetic reaction made me laugh. It was the first time I had honestly laughed since I had lived with the Millers, and it felt freeing in a way. Knowing that I felt better enough to the point where I even could. It was nice. Once I had calmed down, I sat on the couch.

“Well, let's pick you out a name. I need a notepad and pen, please.” Both objects appeared on the coffee table in front of me. I leaned forward and began jotting down some names. Just any off the top of my mind that sounded nice. Once I had filled the page, I sat back, holding the notepad and looking over the list. The first name caused me pause. I certainly didn’t remember writing it. ‘Sunni’ sat at the very top of the list. I quickly grabbed the pen and scribbled it out. I love my sister, and I love the memories of her. But the thought of giving the pocket dimension her name hurt too much. We would have shared the pocket dimension if she was still around. Just as we used to share a Soul Space. We were of the same magic so it would have been both of ours. I moved onto the next name.

“Okay, you give me a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on the names, okay?” The fire grew, “Great! Onyx?” The fire almost completely disappeared. “Alright, definitely not, then. Marlo?” Once again, fire was nearly gone, “Arbor?” No fire, not even embers. I skipped the similar names, landing on one about halfway down the page, “Evryn?” The fire sat neutral for a few moments, pondering. It then grew quickly to touch the top of the hearth. 

“That one? You sure? Do you want to hear any others?” It shrunk down to a dim glow, “No? That was a bit quicker of a process than I thought it’d be. Evryn it is, then.” I tore off the page and tossed it into the fire. It vanished quickly. I went up the stairs and fell promptly onto my bed, exhausted from the day’s events.

[wideouts4life]

Wild Card Weekend

Each game this weekend outside of the Cowboys/Buccaners game went over the spread. You would think because we witnessed a lot of scoring that the point totals would trickle down to wideouts having monstrous days…and that was far from the case. We had 8 players go over 100 yards receiving for the day. Half were tight-ends and for now I haven’t talked about them on this blog even though next season I’m thinking about including them…I mean they do catch the ball too. 

In High School one of my favorite quotes was, “Big time players, make big time plays, in big time games.” DK Metcalf is a big time player. As the game was about to get out of hand, DK ran a go-route up the left sideline using a speed release to catch his first touchdown of the day for 50 yards. This cut the lead to 10-7. Despite losing 41-23 Metcalf had a great afternoon. He caught 10 passes for 136 yards and 2 TD’s. His second touchdown was during garbage time but it still counts because he can use this performance to build on during off season. It’s unusual for me to see a 49ers defense cautious when tackling wideouts but Metcalf sure had Lenoir and Ward making business decisions when trying to tackle the beastie wideout. 

Deebo last name Samuel looked so damn fast on his only touchdown of the day. Samuel plays a physical brand of football from the wideout position. His first touch was a toss where he plowed his way for a 15-yard gain. Deebo is the perfect proprietary blend of toughness, explosion, quickness and bedazzlement. His touchdown of 72 yards in which 66 of them were YAC (yards after catch). Mr Samuel got a great block from tight-end George Kittle, weaved slightly inside to set up the defender and turned the jets on smoking defenders on his way for 6 points. I like winners and not saying DK isn’t one but his team lost so Deebo Samuel is this weeks wideout of the week.  

Stefon Diggs and Gabe Davis finished Sunday’s game with damn near identical statistics. The “I’m Him” wideout caught 7 balls for 114 yards with zero touchdowns. Davis caught 6 passes for 113 yards and 1 touchdown. It was crazy to me that Miami got back in the game right before halftime after trailing 17-0. It’s almost safe to say that had Tua or Bridgewater played Miami may have won this game. I love the way these two competed against the up in your face defense by the Miami secondary. I expect another solid performance by the duo this coming weekend against a Cincinnati Bengals team who played in last season’s Super Bowl despite losing to the Rams. 

Our last wideout to go over 100 yards on Sunday was Isaiah Hodgins of the New York Giants. This is my first time hearing his name but after watching highlights I liked what I saw on his tape. Hodgins ran a beautiful bang post for a 12 yard touchdown. He caught 8 passes for 105 yards and 1 touchdown. In a perfect world, I hope Hodgins duplicates this performance by going out with the game of his life against the Philadelphia Eagles so the Dallas Cowboys could beat the Giants the following week and return to their first Super Bowl in 28 years. 

Wideouts Let’s Go, play fast, have fun and at the end of the day just catch it!