#There’s something there that I’m trying to connect. I just need to stop procrastinating

[writerswhy]

On Alicent and religion

So, I came across this Midnight Mass gifset and these two quotes:

He doesn't understand yet that guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

I would like to be found. I would like to see. Or to be seen. I wonder if, in the eye of God, it amounts to the same thing. As it says in the Bible, For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face. If it is face to face, there must be two looking. -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

And since then, I’ve been mulling over Alicent’s relationship with religion for the past few days because if there’s one thing that irks my soul, is when (western) writers write religious women as tradcath bitchy hypocrites (as opposed to religious men who use their religion as some sort of selfless sacrifice), especially when said woman is a victim of abuse. 

Instead of exploring Alicent’s religiousness as a way to cope with the abuse she endures, as part of her socialization and the community and culture she comes from, as a way to validate her innate kindness in a world where she’s surrounded by Machiavellians and careless people who can get away with things she cannot, the show manages to victim blame her by the way they frame her religiousness. That it’s another chain in this patriarchy without ever engaging with the actual patriarchs who actively abuse her on-screen. 

Something else that I want to highlight is that these systems that Alicent faces are faceless and abstract which makes the grief and anger and helplessness nearly impossible to work through. As a result, she ends up internalizing these roles - daughter, wife, mother - and when they contradict each other, or when external forces push and pull her, she ends up blaming and sacrificing herself. (As opposed to a man in Westeros like Aegon - her mirror - who can whore and drink and fight with little consequence, he may even be praised.) 

One day I’m gonna sit down and actually take my time to write these thoughts down, but here are some quick notes that I’m trying to sort through. (Note that it’s difficult for me to reconcile some of these with the Alicent(s) we see onscreen. Cooke is one of the best actors on the show but the writing for her has not been my favorite. I feel like Carey’s Alicent was more cohesive and consistent, so some these points apply more to ep 1-5 Alicent than later on.):

1. The first instance we see of her religiousness comes from a place of love. She visits the sept to feel closer to her mother and shares this with Rhaenyra to help her grieve. She uses her religion to comfort herself and connect with loved ones - living and dead. (Aegon does the same when he hides in the sept under the mother. Did he learn this from her? Did he learn this while studying the Faith of the Seven?)

2. If this greater being meant to comfort her and guide her tells her through its teachings that the very behavior she’s punished for is actually holy and human (that’s it’s right), does it help Alicent feel less alone? And if she has someone to share this belief with, like Criston? 

3. Does she channel the gods when she needs to compromise with who she is and who she needs to be? For example, Alicent was compassionate and loyal to Rhaneyra when defending her claim early on. After Rhaenyra’s betrayal, fearing for her children and honestly, it’s okay if she was offended and felt played by Rhaenyra, when she shows up to the wedding dressed in green, as a Hightower (no longer a dutiful wife), did she draw strength from the mother and father to seek justice for her and her children and to protect her family? 

This third point is so interesting to me because that’s what many real people do in real life everyday. We have to find ways to cope with life and learn how to understand ourselves, our wants, and how we can make them fit in this world. Obviously you don’t need religion to do this, but many do and in my community, religion is what keeps us grounded yet hopeful. Some of us live lives where if it were not for their religion, they’d feel less human under the systems that dehumanize them.

[gay-dorito-dust]

ok what if reader is also a vigilante?

reader and Jason met in their civilian identities, and after a while they start dating. but like, neither of them tells the other one about their vigilante identities? and then something random happens and they both find out in a funny way?

(alsooo can I be 🐈‍⬛? :3)

Idk if this is considered ‘funny’ but I tired, oh and Yes, you may be 🐈‍⬛ anon. 🦦

When you first met Jason in the cosy book store, you were far too concerned with keeping your stint as a vigilante as close to a secret as possible, so much so that the mere aspect of dating wasn’t something you contemplated on a day to day basis; Never less dating a civilian when you’re fighting street level thugs. However you couldn’t help but get lost in the beauty of his smile, his eyes and the way he ran his hand through his hair.

All you were aware in that moment was that Jason is just perfection in a six foot something frame. He was just that beautiful that you couldn’t find yourself looking away from him, ever; It had to be illegal to be that beautiful.

When Jason first met you in the cosy book store, trying to reach for a book that was just out of reach, he was far too concerned about the new vigilante that had taken to the street of Gotham. Nightshade was their name and they obviously had natural talent but were still sloppy in some areas, but they showed enough promise in their debut outing to be apart of the Outlaws. Dating was the last thing he needed honestly, despite affection, loyalty and love were something he deeply longer for more so then anything, however he felt a little tempted by the idea when you gave him a look of gratitude as he handed you the book was enough to set him alight.

‘Jason.’ He blurted.

‘Come again?’ You asked.

‘My name. It’s Jason.’ He clarified, internally cursing himself for making himself looking like a right idiot in front of you, but you just had that effect on him and it hadn’t even been ten minutes upon meeting you. Was he really that depraved? He asked himself as in that very moment you decided to smile at him, which gave him his answer that yes, he was indeed that depraved for a genuine connection. ‘Well it’s nice to meet you Jason. I’m y/n.’ You greeted, finding Jason absolutely endearing and insufferably cute. ‘Do you often help people with books or is it just a one time thing?’ You then asked, holding the book close to your chest, biting the inside of your cheek.

‘I don’t come here as often as I promised myself I would, so consider this as a rare occurrence.’ Jason shrugged, leaning against the shelf. ‘So do you come here often or are you a fellow procrastinator?’ You chuckled and Jason has to pat himself on the back for that one. He managed to make you laugh and god did it sound ethereal. ‘I’m kinda a fellow procrastinator but that’s because I’ve been busy with life and such.’ You told him, not wanting to admit to everything to a conventionally attractive man you’ve just met at a small, run down book store just yet; You didn’t want to fuck this up for yourself.

‘Oh yeah? Then maybe if you come here more often, I’ll have more of a reason to stop by other than the books.’ Jason said and you felt your smile even wider and tighten your grip on the book, casting your eyes to the floor. Curse this beautiful man for making you feel like a silly little schoolgirl either way a crush, it was both embarrassing as it was all consuming. ‘Sounds like you’re asking me on a date, mr Jason.’

Jason shrugs. ‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. I mean is it wrong for me to want to get to know you better?’

‘I guess it wouldn’t hurt.’ You admitted.

‘So it’s a date?’ Jason asked, anticipating your answer.

‘Yeah. It’s a date.’ You replied, feeling a warmth flood through your body, followed by a feeling of nervousness simultaneously it was hard to figure out which feeling you should focus on.

Several book store dates, skirting your obvious feelings for one another and moving into his apartment later, you and Jason were officially a couple: and a happy one at that. And yet despite sharing everything to one another, every deep secret you’ve ever kept in your entire life and yet the one secret neither of you chose to disclose was your vigilante identities, and for simple and justifiable reasons on both your parts; You didn’t want Jason to be brought into the crossfire as a casualty and Jason didn’t want you to get hurt because of the dangerous people he wronged as RedHood. You’ve both hated yourselves for keeping a tight lid on your vigilantism but you knew it was for the betterment of the other, after all ignorance was indeed -on some occasions- bliss.

However on this very night, everything you and Jason have ever hidden from the other had decided to come to light but not in a way that’d either of you were expecting.

You and Jason were cuddled up on the couch and enjoying a peaceful evening in together, seeing as for a week straight both of you have had your hands full with capturing and clearing the streets of Gotham of thugs, goons and drug dealers, and actually getting the golden opportunity to act like an ordinary couple and shower the other in the love and affection that you’ve both been aching for the entire week.

‘You need to get some better sleep Jaybirdie, I can see dark bags starting to form under your eyes.’ You mutter softly as you run your calloused thumbs under his eyes, naturally concerned for his health and well-being. ‘Are you saying that I’m not that appealing to look at anymore because I’m developing eye bags? How shallow of you babe.’ Jason joked as he moved his face from your hands and looking away from you with a pout on his lips.

You laughed, reaching to hold his face in your hands again and gently made him look at you. ‘Stop being dramatic my little Jay bird, I think you make eyes bags work for you but I just don’t like the idea of you staying up longer than you should.’ You said as you kissed his lips and then under his eyes, feeling him hum in content as he dragged you into him tightly. ‘I appreciate the compliment babe.’ He said as he pressed a kiss to your head, closing his eyes as he breathed you in deeply. ‘I’m sorry we haven’t had enough time with each other lately.’

You burrowed yourself deeper into him, hands clutching at his shirt. ‘it’s okay Jason and besides I should sorry too because there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now. I hope you don’t hate me afterwards.’ You admit, scared that this might break your beautiful relationship with the sweetest man you’ve ever met, who had been nothing but unquestionably loyal to you through and through. ‘You could do no wrong pretty baby,’ Jason cooed, ‘but since we’re sharing things, I have something that I’ve been keeping from you also sweetheart.’ Jason said as he feared that he’d only be scaring you away afterwards and he can only hope that you’d stay and hear him out.

‘No, Jason you don’t-‘ you were cut off by the sound of two emergency alerts going off from your shared bedroom and before leaping off of Jason’s lap, much to his displeasure and worry, and rushed towards the bedroom with Jason hot on your heels going on about something you couldn’t quite make out over the noise of the emergency alerts. It was rare that it goes off and when it does, it’s when someone like scarecrow or Joker has made a reemergence to the public and when they do, nothin good ever comes to pass.

Within the depths of your shared closet in your bedroom were two equal sized duffel bags. Inside these duffel bags held everything to do with your vigilante personas that you and Jason had hastily shoved inside, and all before you officially moved into his apartment too. You never touched his out of respect for him and he never touched yours out of respect also, you both knew which one belong to who as they also sat just beneath your own civilians clothes, that and the fact that Jason’s duffel bag was a lot more beat up and rugged compared to yours which only had slight wears and tears; but other then that it was relatively a new bag.

Right of this moment however you didn’t stop to think about which bag you’ve picked up because before you knew it you had locked yourself within the bathroom, just about ready to change into your attire, when you were face to face with a familiar red helmet causing you to freeze in place. While you were trying to grasp the idea that your beautiful, beautiful Jason was the ruthless RedHood, a knock on the bathroom door broke you from your thoughts, and you automatically knew that Jason saw your vigilante attire and was feeling a similar sort of confusion towards you as you were about him. You placed the red helmet back into the duffle bag, zipped it shut before unlocking and opening the door wide enough for Jason to hold out your duffel bag towards you.

‘I believe this is yours sweetheart.’ He said awkwardly.

‘Thank you Jaybirdie.’ You mutter as you took the bag off of him, placing it down on the toilet seat as you picked up his duffel bag and handed it to him through the gap in the doorway. ‘I believe this belongs to you.’

‘Thank you sweetheart.’ Jason replied as he took the bag off of your hands as an uncomfortable air of silence followed as you both stood on either sides of the door, not knowing how to properly address the situation. Until… ‘I knew I recognise that ass in spandex anywhere.’

‘JASON!’ You exclaimed, face becoming flushed.

‘What? It’s true you’ve got a distinctly shaped ass! So of course I’m going to recognise it!’ Jason replied, throwing his hands up in the air.

‘So you’ve admitted to staring at my ass like a perv?’ You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

Jason pushed the bathroom door open fully to get closer to you and hold your face in his hands. ‘Don’t start acting like you haven’t stared at my ass like a perv, perv.’ He says with a chuckle upon seeing the expression upon your face, pressing kisses from your forehead and all the way down to the tip of your nose. ‘I thought you wouldn’t notice.’ You murmur softly, making Jason laugh as he lead you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where he then sat you down on the end of the bed and held your hand.

‘Well unfortunately for you, I do notice and I can’t say I don’t like the attention that I’d get for my charming parent.’ Jason says as he kisses the back of your hand. ‘You’re not mad that I’m a vigilante and have been keeping it from you all this time?’ You asked, running your thumb over his hand. ‘No because it would be quite hypocritical if I did because I’ve been keeping the same secret hidden from you also. Would you be mad at me being RedHood?’ Jason asked and you immeditly replied ‘no because I know you did so to keep me safe.’

‘Ans I know that you didn’t tell me for the exact same reason.’ Jason butted in. ‘Now that we know however, this just means that we’re even more of a kick ass couple because we literally kick ass every night and I couldn’t be more prouder of you baby.’ He add as he presses kisses to your face, making you chuckle before pulling away. ‘But that doesn’t mean I won’t stop worry about my baby. So expect a whole lot of team ups in the future okay chipmunk?’ You pressed a kiss to his cheek before stealing one from his lips as you stood up from the bed, tugging at his arm. ‘Why don’t we start teaming up now? RedHood and Nightshade, they’ll never see us coming by a long shot!’ You said and Jason couldn’t help but smile at your excitement as he then stood up, groaning dramatically. ‘Alright, alright, quick pulling my arm and get changed so we can go catch us some bad guys.’

You beamed brightly as you stole another kiss from his lips. ‘I love you Jaybirdie.’

‘The things I do for you buttercup.’ Jason spoke against your lips as he kisses you again.

[tarotbymo]

What do you need to hear right now?

Pile one

Pile two

Pile three

Pile one

(High priestess rx, five of pentacles, knight of swords, the empress rx)

Your intuition is strong at this time, so use it! Tune into any religious or spiritual practises, this is the time for it. The moon is in its first quarter so this is the time for new beginnings, and stop procrastinating! Just do the thing, lol. Something that was hidden may be revealed to you, so keep an eye out for that. You need to know that life isn’t so black and white, some of you may struggle with black and white thinking, all or nothing, you have to know that there is good in the bad and bad in the good. Eat lots of fruits, salads, light things would be good for you at this time. Look for the good in all situations, the light within, the broken rays filtering through refracted shards. Remember that even though life may be a struggle, there is beauty all around us. Pile one, you need to slow down and enjoy those fruits I was talking about! You may be receiving a letter or an email, so keep an eye out for that. Lastly, enjoy the summer while it lasts, some of you are highly fertile during this time and if you don’t want to get pregnant then be careful! Remember always that you are loved!

Pile two

(four of pentacles rx, five of pentacles rx, the wheel of fortune, eight of wands)

Pile two, stop consuming so much negative media! You’re trapped, enthralled in a maze and spiral of doomscrolling, lol. Stay grounded, remember your connection to the earth and everything around us, really for this pile I’m gonna say touch grass (but not in a mean way). Remember that whilst you’re climbing the ranks in society, you have to remain humble. Don’t let it all get to your head and be lulled by a false sense of grandeur. At the end of the day, we are all just humans trying to figure out this crazy and mysterious thing called life. Go for a hike, pile two! And remember to admire the beauty of nature, take in some deep breaths. Time is of the essence, really, for you, because you are working on something! It’s going to go well for you, I see. Beware of any deceitful people around you, and try not to be too cutting with your words generally. Now is a good time to get travelling if you want, if you are then know that things may be a little bumpy, but you’ll get there!

Pile 3

(six of wands, eight of pentacles, the sun, king of cups)

Pile 3, I feel that you’re really coming into your own. You’re at a point where you’re no longer phased by other people’s opinions and negativity, you’re on higher ground spiritually and you might even have gotten a raise or a promotion recently, so congrats! However, things may be a little thorny for you at present and you feel like your hands are tied in a specific situation. You can free yourself so easily if you just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Ignore the haters and keep on shining! I see your finances improving greatly, money is just stacking up. The path you’re walking is not a straight one, there are many peaks and troughs, but you will find that it will get you where you need to be. Soon you will be celebrating and celebrated, but for now don’t be afraid to dip your toes in your powerful emotions and cry, release it all if need be. Keep a tighter hold on your finances and remember to always remain positive, also fill your own cup before filling others’!

[writing-until-i-drop]

Wildflowers For A Hangman Ch. 12

Summary:

Daisy, a career novelist, moves in with her college best friend Phoenix who has been permanently assigned to Top Gun with Dagger Squad. She finds herself instantly connected with a cocky pilot who's soft only for her and Jake can't help but want to know everything about her. When the past comes knocking at both of their doors, will they stand together or fall apart?

Or: The Dagger Squad can't cook and Jake falls in love with a woman who makes a mean lasagna while they work their personal trauma.

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x writer!femOC | 18+ (eventually) minors dni. Fluff, smut (eventual), idiots in love, past trauma.

A/N: Daisy needs to be alone to get her latest draft done but that leads to an unexpected situation...and confession...

AO3 Link

Previous Chapter

I had checked into a hotel room a week ago to get some writing done, which had been driving Jake crazy. When I was approaching a deadline I took a note out of Maya Angelou’s playbook, except, to a more extreme extent. She would rent a hotel room in her hometown, using it as an office of sorts, removing all distractions while she got her writing done. As a procrastinator who worked at the whims of her muses, I condensed the routine into a sprint. I wrote from 6am to 9pm with nothing in the room to distract myself except for a deck of cards and a thesaurus. 

The reason it was driving Jake crazy was the fact that I wouldn’t tell him which hotel I was at and that I would only text him before 6am and after 9pm. If given the chance, I knew he would have caved by day three and stopped by to see me, which would have derailed the entire process, Jake had begrudgingly agreed to her reasoning of keeping him out of the loop.

Cassandra was closing in on her killer, her and her partner Timothy were standing in front of the apartment door, weapons drawn and ready to go. They were going to do it. Except the scene that was in my head wasn’t the one that ended up on the page, Timothy kicked the door open and the apartment was empty except for a note addressed to her. The killer got away. For now at least. Jason and Grace would be ecstatic that the sequel was perfectly lined up but for me it felt like a blow to the chest. My detectives always got their man by the end of the story. Always. 

I spent close to four hours trying to rewrite the scene in a way that even vaguely made sense but nothing felt right. I glanced at the clock, it was past ten o’clock, Jake was probably ready to file a missing persons report at this point. I chuckled to myself, thinking about how he was. Jake liked to be by my side, even without the looming threat of me running off because of Rudolph Lance, he spent so much time at our apartment that Natasha had joked about charging him rent…which he had shrugged at and asked how much. 

When I pulled my phone out of the room safe I had three missed calls from Jake and Natasha and texts from most of the Daggers telling me to please, please, please call my boyfriend and best friend.

“Baby,” Jake sighed on the other side of the call. “Everything okay?” I giggled, it wasn’t even a full hour past when I was supposed to check-in and Jake sounded like I had been missing for days. “Daisy,” His serious tone cut my laughter short. Something had to be wrong. 

“I’m fine, Jake. What’s going on?” There was a long pause that had my heart rate shooting through the roof. “Baby, what’s wrong?” 

“What hotel are you at?” I started to repeat what I had been telling him all week about the importance of being left alone but he cut me off. “Daisy, I love you and I respect your process but I’m going to need you tell me where the fuck you are.” I flinched, surprised, he had never taken that tone with me before. 

“The Marriott on Sixth and Kewee. What the hell happened?” Jake shouted that I was okay to whoever he was with, probably Natasha. It hit me at that moment that Jake had just said he loved me but the next words out of his mouth ruined the moment.

“There was a big fire at the Marriott on Stiltson, the news said people died.” All the air rushed out of my lungs. All I had told him and Natasha was that I was staying at a Marriott, they must have been so worried. 

“Shit, Jake. I’m so sorry, I’ll come home. I can be there in-” Jake cut me off again,

“Stay put, I’m coming to you.” I plopped down on the bed, chewing on my thumbnail. The hotel was a five minute drive from our apartment, twenty from his. “We’re not doing this again, okay? Somebody needs to know where you’re at, somebody. Even if it’s Amelia for Christ’s sake.”

“Okay, baby, I promise.” Jake exhaled sharply. “I’m in room 108, come in the front doors and go right, I’ll be just a few steps away.” Another exhale, “Unclench your jaw, pretty boy, or you’ll give yourself a headache.” He didn’t say anything but I knew he was listening to me. “Now relax your fingers, you can drive at a speed I don’t want to know about without white knuckling it.” The time the huff had a hint of a chuckle, “You can’t come yell at me then smother me in kisses if you wrap your truck around a palm tree.” 

“I’m not going to yell at you,” He didn’t sound convincing, like he was still mulling it over. We sat in silence while he drove, a few torturous minutes passed by. “I’m here,”

“I really don’t want to know how fast you were going.” Jake sighed, “I’m not going to lecture you, just don’t tell me. I’m going to unlock the door for you.” I crossed the room, flipping the latch so that the door was held open, then I stepped back towards the center of the room. Jake rushed into the room not long later, sweeping me into his arms.

“Hi, baby.” He kissed my temple, hands shaking as he held me. Jake’s whole body was tense around me, showing just how concerned he was. I rubbed his back,

“Let it out, Jake, don’t keep it in.” He pulled away, gripping my face tightly but not harshly. Jake looked wrecked, eyes rimmed red, brow pinched, his jaw tensing and relaxing like he was fighting himself. “I’m right here.” 

“At least last time I knew where you were,” Jake’s tone was harsh. “I knew that you were safe,” I gripped his sides, digging my fingers in. He kissed me fiercely but pulled away before I could respond. “I don’t want to be a controlling boyfriend who tells you what to do, Daisy, but you’ve got to stop doing this to me.” Guilt flooded through me, my grip on him loosening. Jake shook his head tersely, “Please don’t pull away from me.” 

“I’m not pulling away, Jake,” I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’m right here, tell me what you need.” Jake buried his face in my neck, hugging me tight. “Tell me what you need,” I whispered. “I love you too, Jake Seresin, just tell me what you need.” He didn’t say anything right away, he just held me. With every breath I felt him relax just a little bit more into me until it felt like I was holding all of his weight. “I love you, Jake. Just tell me what you need, I’ll give it to you.” Jake stayed quiet and I found myself filling the gap. “Have you heard of Life360? It’s an app, Harvey and his wife have it, lets them track each other's locations. I just won’t look at the weekly driving report so I won’t see how fast you speed.” 

“You don’t have to,” He kissed the crook of my neck, pulling away just to rest his forehead against mine. “If it makes you uncomfortable.” 

“I don’t mind, Jake,” I kissed him softly, “Not if it gives you peace of mind. Okay?” I slipped my hands under his shirt, resting them on his warm back, pulling him even closer. “Are we okay?”

“I love you, Daisy.” Jake kissed my nose and pulled away, smiling softly at me. “Not exactly how I planned on telling you, it just kind of slipped out.” I giggled, pulling him to lay on the bed with me.

“Well, nothing about this relationship has exactly been normal since the whole ‘FBI showing up at my house’ thing. So, I think it’s fitting.” I sat back on the pillows and Jake laid his head in my lap, I carded my fingers through his hair. “Let’s talk about things, Jake. What do you need?” He looped an arm between my legs, snuggling me like a pillow. 

“Can we get that tracking app? I promise I won’t look at it unless I’m worried.” I rolled my eyes, knowing that if he checked the app every time he was worried about me, it would be constantly open on his phone. The…hypervillegance surrounding my whereabouts on Natasha’s orders had lessened but hadn’t faded away entirely. It was something I had learned about Jake, he cared with his whole heart about all of the people in his life, and with that came a certain level of anxiety. 

“Check it as much as you need to, pretty boy,” I kissed his hair. “What else?” 

“I want to take you home for Thanksgiving, introduce you to my mama,” My fingers paused in his hair, the thought swirling around in my mind. What would meeting Jake’s parents be like? Would they be warm and welcoming or stoic and standoffish? What about his sisters? Would they like her? “Stop thinking so hard, that hamster wheel in your head is starting to smoke.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, my fingers moving in his hair once again. “Yes, I’ll meet your mama, what else?” Jake gently bit my thigh and I tapped him on the head, “Jake, baby, is there anything else you need to feel better?” 

“I’m going to marry you one day,” 

“Okay.” Jake turned to look up at me and I’m sure I had multiple chins at that angle but he was looking at me with nothing but love in his eyes and I couldn’t find it in myself to care.

“Wait, so, asking you to meet my family takes a full minute for you to think about but getting married is an instant yes?” 

X

Daisy tilted her head back against the headboard, a small smile on her face. In the last few hours, my emotions had been wrecked. Going from bored, sitting on the couch listening to Rooster and Phoenix argue about something I wasn’t paying attention to, then worried beyond belief when the news alert popped up on our phones, and then instant relief when her name flashed on caller ID. 

“I’ve never met a boy’s parents before,” 

“One, I’m a man, baby.” Daisy scoffed at me, her hand resting on my chest. “Two, you’ve never met someone’s parents?”

“Jake, I hadn’t even cuddled someone before you,” I couldn’t help the smug smile that grew on my lips. Daisy liked cuddling but she needed the conditions to be just right, apparently I was a “human heater” and she needed a fan to be running, more than one if she wanted to keep her beloved pajama pants on.

“My mama’s going to love you, already does,” I reached up, wrapping my fingers around the duplicate dog tags of mine she wore around her neck to pull her down for a kiss. The angle wasn’t perfect but her lips on mine could never be wrong. “Told her all about your lasagna and the way you’ve been feeding the team. My sisters already love you too, they’re both true crime junkies, apparently they have all of your books.” 

“No way,” She snorted, dissolving into a fit of giggles. Her whole body shook as she laughed and it was a beautiful sight. “I’ll sign them when I come to visit. Did I ever tell you that Grace and Jason spent a week arguing over how my signature should look?” 

“Seriously?” 

“Seriously, I thought I had carpal tunnel by the time we figured it out. Well, I probably do but that’s neither here nor there.” I made a mental note to Google that later, see if there was anything to do to make it better. “What about your pops?” 

“God, he cannot wait to meet you,” I groaned, pulling her down for another kiss. “Pops won’t stop asking about his “new daughter” when I call him. I think my family’s going to propose to you on my behalf.” Daisy laughed but it wasn’t really a joke, my whole family had been calling, texting, even emailing me for information on Daisy and our relationship. Pops had even offered up his parents’ rings for us to use.

“There seem to be a lot of expectations for me to live up to, Jake.” She kissed me one, twice, three times before sitting back up, that same soft smile on her lips. “But I’m telling you now, if you propose to me before we’ve known each other for at least a year, I’m telling you no.” 

“Noted.” 

Taglist: @dizzybee03 @littlezee80 @nervousenemyduck @carolina-on-my-mind03 @mizzzpink @beltzboys2015-blog @writingrose @hookslove1592

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[ariesmoontarot]

Fire Sign Reading🔥

Aries♈️ :

I feel like you’re coming out of a situation you felt like wasn’t moving forward. You’re looking at things differently now and I feel like deep down you intuitively knew the truth or answers you were looking for. You just needed to trust and have confidence that despite what people say or do, your body just senses when something isn’t right. You underestimate your own ability to do a lot of things and I feel like in this situation you have more power than you give yourself the credit for. I see you moving strategically and quietly. You’re observing and sensing out your surroundings and the people around you. Pay attention to the details and the things you hear, see, feel, or sense. It’s best to not say too much about the things you pick up on at this time. You have the upper hand in most of the situations you find yourself in, but don’t misuse the information and secrets that you know about because I feel like it won’t turn out good. I also feel like you need to be very careful about what you say and do to others. Someone you wanted a relationship or connection with took advantage of your kindness and I feel like while you’re calm and focused on priorities this person is dealing with some shit. They didn’t take accountability for their wrong doings and I just see karma happening to them now. They tried to act nonchalant and as if they were being so genuine and honest with you but deep down they had ulterior motives and them trying to manipulate you is coming back to them in tenfold. They’re being pushed to face the consequences of their actions now.

Leo♌️:

Right now I’m seeing you looking at the possibility of what something could be but you don’t know how to make it a reality. It’s almost like you were down & out feeling a lil bit insecure and dealing with this lower vibrational energy and not satisfied with your career or what you do to make a living. I see you realizing something about someone though and it has to do with them being someone who is very genuine, loving, compassionate, & kind. You see this person for who they really are and it kinda makes you feel inferior towards them and not worthy of being someone they’d even want to be friends or have something serious with. You’re shocked on how someone could be so real or maybe how their presence and energy alone just makes you feel a way that you haven’t felt in a long time. However, I feel like you’re holding onto control as much as you can and trying to resist the fact that you want to be the person they can depend on and trust or maybe you see that you can do this with them and you want to, but stop yourself from fully opening up. You could feel like you need to change something before you let them come too close, but it’s like you can’t help what’s happening and it’s just happening on its own. I also feel like you’re procrastinating doing anything about how you feel because you’re afraid to trust and open yourself up to a deep connection. This person makes you feel so tamed like they really got a hold on you. They’re showing you a completely different side of yourself. You feel like they’re really gentle and it’s easy to let your guard down with them almost like you melt when you interact with them in any way. I’m seeing because of how supportive and nurturing they are, it just helps you a lot. It’s safe to say you can love and have faith that things will work out the way they’re supposed to. Let go of your fears and pride.

Sagittarius♐️:

I’m seeing you withdrawing yourself from a situation that left you feeling pessimistic and a lack of hope. You feel like you didn’t get the recognition and appreciation that you deserved and maybe you’re having a hard time letting go of negative thoughts related to that experience. It’s keeping you a bit stuck on the feeling and you’re emotionally and physically overwhelmed. I feel like right now is a good time for you to get your mind right and really focus on what you need to. Focus on more positive and productive things rather than replaying the scenarios in your mind. You are juggling a lot of things right now and you don’t need anything or anyone that is going to bring you more stress than you already feel. I’m seeing that you’re very aware of what’s going on around you even beneath the surface of what’s physically shown or said to you. You see past the illusions and excuses people may tell you, but you choose to act ignorant and blind to the fact that deep down you really know what’s going on. However I see you having a sudden change of perspective and looking at things for what they really are. There is a need for you to be more patient and practical when it comes to allowing things into your life that you see as valuable or important. You have to prioritize what you know in your heart is best for you. You may be feeling depressed and sad right now and that’s your body’s way of communicating to you that clearly something just isn’t right and whether you need to change something you’re doing or cut certain things out of your life, you know what you need to do.

[daydreamerfox]

Routine Update #1

It'll all be under the cut in case you don't want to read it!

Also, please enjoy these sketches of Kaeya, because drawing this man brings me joy!

Close ups also under the cut!

I wanna make these kind of text kinda regularly, that’s something that I’m slowly working on.

There are a few things that I’ve noticed as the time went by that I think they’re important enough to be written down and read not just by you but by myself too, so I can keep reminding myself of that all the time!

Creating habits is something hard. It takes time. Months, actually. It’s not easy to get used to do something you never really did before or start doing something in a completely different way. The important thing is to be persistent and not giving up, the more you do it consistently the more you’ll get used to doing it.

Yes, there will be moments you’ll forget to do this new activity, there will be moments you’ll go back to your old “routine” and not even realize, and that’s fine! It’s normal. The important part is that, if you notice yourself doing that, you pay attention on what made you stop doing it (if possible) and change what’s needed so you can go back to your habit. That being if you’ve noticed that this new habit is helping you in any way.

I’ve been trying to record videos about what I’m doing and what I’m trying to change or not in my routine, but I frequently forget about recording them and sometimes I feel like I should just let go of this idea because “it’s been a long time I don’t work on it, anyway”, but that kind of thought is exactly the reason why I’m doing this whole process. It’s precisely to make me not give up on my projects and keep evolving and working on them and actually turning all my ideas into reality.

There are different kinds of productivity and when you’re working on a project that you really want to make it become a reality you don’t want a short term productivity, you want a long term one, something that would actually help you make things happen, actually create all those things you want to create, something that will help you feel like you’re moving forward and not stuck in the same place.

This kind of productivity doesn’t have a lot to do with how much you can dedicate yourself to it each day, it has more to do with how much attention you give to this project in general, how persistent you are and, more importantly, not giving up on getting it done, even if you spend a few days not working on it.

It’s important to pay attention to how organized your project is and how much you make it easy for your brain to think about it at different times of the day. If your brain can easily think about that and you have the path you wanna take minimally thought out, then that’s already a big step towards being productive!

The less obstacles you put in your own path, the better (we already have so many that we don’t have control of, lets try our best to help ourselves with what we can change!). Slowly I’m starting to understand that having a bunch of different big projects simultaneously can also be an obstacle. If you wanna do something, it’s important to direct your attention to that thing. Priorities are hard to come up with, but they’re necessary in these moments. (Particularly I’m a mess in all of these, and I guess you can see why I haven’t been posting much… oops!).

I’m trying to change that, though, get better at focusing myself in what I wanna accomplish and what I wanna make come true, try to prioritize every single one of my goals and give them the right amount of attention so I can get where I want.

I’ve changed my set up, now I’ve been using my drawing tablet also as a second monitor, even when I’m just writing these texts. That might sound as something really simple and with no importance, but the idea is to help me whenever I decide to draw something. I’ve noticed that sometimes I felt like drawing, but just because the tablet wasn’t connected to the computer I kept procrastinating as much as I could and eneded up not producing anything, now all I need to do i move my keyboard to the side and grab my stylus. It hasn’t been long that I did that, let’s see how this will go and how much it’ll improve my productivity or not, I’ll keep you guys updated on that!

I’ve been trying to go slow, get it easy on the things I wanna do and keep them simple, I usually end up making everything super complex and hard for myself, way more than I should, which always makes things hard to actually finish any project. Sometimes I plan it so much and end up never really working on them because I always think I haven’t planned them enough, and I always catch myself doing many things at once and planning 3-4 other unrelated projects I’d like to work on, without even knowing where to start!

At the moment I’m trying to get used to my projects I’m already working on and just when I’m already used enough that I don’t have to think too much about what I’m doing, then I’ll consider starting another project.

Do you also go through that? Do you guys have any solutions?

[the-void-has-questions]

Airport saga because it’s been SUCH a day and I need to externalize this shit:

Step 1: Leave close friend (sad) to get on a plane back home to another state.

Step 2: do airport stuff with no issue, feelin good!! I even got lunch and a snack for plane 2 because I wouldn’t have time to buy something for dinner!

Step 3: plane 1 is delayed for like 10 mins, not USUALLY an issue but my connection between planes 1 and 2 is 25 minutes total (not including taxi time for plane 1, literally the SECOND we touch down to the second the other flight departs)

Step 4: panic.

Step 5: talk to a very nice woman, text my mom and Google a Plethora of shit about what to do, and start wanting to cry just a little

Step 6: plane 1! Yayyy plane ride!! Except the guy next to me keeps getting in my personal space but it’s two hours of my life it’s okay

At this point I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will not make my connection. I just have to accept that and work from there. (Does not stop me from wanting to cry)

Step 7: plane lands!! Yippee!! (By the time we off board, plane 2 has departed)

Step 8: talk to desk person, get directed to help desk, talk to another person (who was very nice and could probably tell I was on the verge of tears) and get put on a later flight, it’d get me in about 10pm which means I’m not Home until 11-12 so. Not ideal, but I’d be happy to take whatever I get.

Step 9: follow help persons directions to the wrong side of the airport, realize that I followed her directions wrong, and turn around

Step 10: eventually figure out where I’m going. More tears.

Step 11: talk to another ticketing person at a different airline except oops! Breakdown time. I’m blubbering and trying to be coherent and this woman is just so sweet and patient and puts me on an earlier flight, near the front, and gives me more directions.

Step 12: I almost cry but this time because of how nice she was

Step 13: follow directions, go thru security AGAIN which takes ages, and arrive!

Step 14: right as I arrive, an announcement happens. The flight is cancelled everyone has to rebook. Cue FML.

Step 15: by now I just want to be DONE I’ve never been in this airport, I’m anxious, I’m tired, and I’m crying again. What the fuck guys.

Worst part is that it’s no one’s fault!! Everyone has been kind and helpful but things are still Bad!!! Augh!!!

Anyways.

Step 16: stand in line. Eventually try to just rebook on the web browser.

It takes 3 tries but I get rebooked to the ORIGINAL 6pm flight

Step 17: feel like a kicked puppy.

Also a little hungry. And a lot broke. Damn.

Step 18: communicate to parents and original person who was meant to pick me up, shuffle around as necessary and get everyone updated

Step 19: oh!! Pet sitter visit is over!! Time to go check out how that went and see cat pics!! (It went well! She’s happy as an oblivious little clam in a tide pool)

Step 20: sit here and type this post while my phone charges and I procrastinate on getting dinner.

In the spirit of how much *I* wanna see my cat, here’s one of the pet sitters photos:

BIIIIIIIIIIGG STRETCH!!!!

[thed4rkhand]

what you need to hear from your spirit angels?

What you need to hear from your spirit angels and guides?

Since I realized it’ll take me around 5-7 days to actually finish the game, I’m going to go ahead and post a small pick a card reading since it’ll be more general and try to keep the blog alive. Also I personally have the worst time connecting to my spirit angels when I’m anxious, so sometimes hearing it otherwise really helps me! Hope this helps you out too!

So take a deep breath and pick a pile from below (clockwise starting from opportunity) and head to your pile!

Pile 1 - Opportunity

This pile tells me that you’re currently working towards long term goals and laying a foundation, however you’re backtracking and being inconsistent. You’re expecting the results to come without putting in efforts here, you’re celebrating before your eggs have hatched properly. You’re jumping from one way to achieve it to another, and creating all sorts of scenarios, I’m strongly getting the feeling someone is trying to manifest something since a long time now here. You’ve exhausted all the ways and now almost given up. The spirits tell me to tell you that incase you’re looking for any confirmation that your manifestation is coming true, which I feel innately is about either a university acceptance or a reconciliation with someone, it’ll be here in no time. Just be grounded about it and don’t keep changing methods and believe in yourself, the spirits will guide you only when you start having a definitive plan. I’m sorry to call you out but I really feel these are some heavy Gemini, Aries, Sagittarius and Leo babes here. Called out to pile 2? Try it.

Pile 2 - Energy

If you wanted to check pile 1 out too, go do that later. I feel either you have been betrayed recently by someone, or hurt by someone’s words, or been in a bout of an imposter syndrome lately. Maybe someone rejected a proposal, said something hurtful, you feel undeserving of things you have or even feel lethargic all the time and lost about things in life. The spirits are telling me that you need to break free right now before it gets worse. Let those people leave your life right now, or they’ll take you down with them. There was a level of self-sabotage with your motives here, and the cards are telling me that to combat this you took up so many different activities and odd jobs to distract yourself, yet its subconsciously still persisting. The cards tell you to stop distracting yourself, do shadow work, heal, confront the problem head on right now, and in no time should you notice that you are back to being a happy virus, that contagious laugh and smile people always notice on you will also be back, and all your dreams and manifestations will also come to you! They’re telling me persistently to tell you that “what you imagine, imagines you!” These are definitely my Virgo, Cancer and Pisces, Libra sweethearts here.

Pile 3 - Fulfilment

Wow the cards just dropped straight all over. Why are you guys stressing and so scattered around for? There is so going on in your heads right now, and you’re literally all over the place, and have no plan on how to go about from there. Please ground yourselves guys, so many reserves pentacles here. The angels are telling me that you’re unable to lay a strong foundation and trying to be a jack of trades, and the worst part is that you’re not even doing it for yourself, its to show others that you can or impress people. You’re literally Turing lethargic now with the creativity wearing off, on the cusp of a burnout. The angels are telling me to convey to you to firstly just clean your room, organize your plans, jot down and follow it, because given its you, you’ll just make a new plan everyday and then procrastinate in the favor of doing it the next day and never get around to it. Maybe something is coming to an end and you have no clue what to do next, you’re looking for prospects but to no avail. You’re lying in bed all day because even you know you cant possibly even fathom finishing that amount of work. Seriously, talk to someone and sort yourself out before you really fall terribly to a place of no rescue. These are definitely my Sagittarius, Gemini, libra and Aquarius, Scorpio dears here.

Pile 4 - heaven’s door

My conflict pile babies. You’re definitely facing a dilemma right now, of having to make a choice. You’re standing at a cross-road and you’re extremely indecisive of what to choose now. You could maybe be standing between making a choice between your public and private lives here, and you really don’t want regret. You’re actively looking for guidance from people, however subconsciously you know what you want, so whenever they advise otherwise, you just try to find a new teacher. The cards tell me that maybe you have ably conjured a plan, but you’re scared of maybe presenting it or taking credit for it. The spirits tell you to be fearless and move ahead, declare it to the world that it's yours, you conjured it and you deserve the recognition for it. You may be fighting with colleagues and friends over things, and its time that you let them know that you stick to your own principles and aren’t malleable to bend to theirs. Don’t feel guilt or embarrassment, it's your project and you should pursue it. You’re also called upon to take inspired action, focus on one object and only one, that truly brings you happiness and move ahead with it. My capricorn, cancer, scorpio, pisces, taurus and virgo darlings, this is your pile.

[egcdeath]

finders keepers

summary: did captain america just steal your cat?

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, strangers to lovers

author’s note: it’s been way too long since i wrote some pure, self indulgent fluff. this has been quite the refreshing experience for me but i think it’s back to our regularly scheduled program after this ;)

you can find my masterlist and taglist here

Miso had an air of arrogance that you admired. She took the world by its kitty balls, doing whatever she pleased whenever she pleased. Your cat left the apartment for sometimes days at a time, and frequently led male cats to your door. To you, your cat was more like a roommate than a pet, hogging up most of your bed, standing on the counter while you attempted to make food for yourself, and leaving most areas dirtier than she originally found it. 

Okay, maybe you were personifying your cat a little too much. But after moving out to D.C., you were unspeakably lonely. Most days, it felt like Miso was all you had, and that you were all Miso had (save for her army of cat boyfriends). 

This made things all the more concerning for you when you’d realized that you hadn’t seen your cat companion in five days. Five whole days without the comforting vibration of her purr, her ungodly hours of wakeup calls demanding to be played with, or pet. The cherry on top was that the cat food outside your door appeared to be completely untouched.

In your frenzied realization of your missing cat, your mind raced with a thousand different terrible situations your dear Miso could’ve found herself in. You frantically clicked through pictures of her on an online album and attempted to find a photo that would capture her white fur with large blobs of auburn, and her vibrant blue eyes to put on your ‘MISSING’ sign. The longer you clicked, the more that you began to worry that she had been caught and kidnapped by some terrible person with bad intentions. 

You finally threw together the poster, sending it to your phone so that you could print it off at the OfficeMax down the street. Luckily for you, you didn’t make it that far, as the moment you began to lock the closed door of your apartment, you saw the unmistakable figure of your cat. 

In the arms of your neighbor.

Now, you’d never met Steve. He was an Avenger, Captain America to be exact, and you were just… you. You’d convinced yourself that attempting to introduce yourself to him would ultimately end in failure, and an embarrassing one at that. Maybe he’d scoff and walk away, or call Tony Stark in front of you and tell him about the crazy woman he just encountered. 

But none of that mattered. Captain America was stealing your fucking cat. 

“Excuse me, sir?” You asked, stepping away from your door and approaching the Greek God of a man to the right of you. 

“Oh, hey! We must be n-“

“You have my cat,” you said bluntly.

“I’m sorry, what?” Steve seemed to do a double take

“My cat, y’know, the feline in your arms.”

“Well, maybe we just have similar looking cats. This is Arabella.”

You nearly scoffed at this, shaking your head. First, Captain America kidnapped your cat, and now he’s trying to convince you that it’s not your cat? Yeah, you’d know Miso from a mile away. And what kind of name is Arabella?

“Arabella is a great name for her,” Steve retorted, pulling the cat closer to his chest. Shit, did you say that out loud?

“Well I think it’s time for Miso to come back home,” the cat’s ears perked at this, and she glanced over at you. The sight of you made her wiggle and hop out of Steve’s tight embrace, landing on her feet and trotting over to you. The damn cat rubbed her face against your calf and purred as if she hadn’t been cheating on you for long enough to have gained a new name.

You squatted down and rubbed the back of your hand against her cheek, and shook your head at your pet, “you’re getting put on probation, young lady.” 

She didn’t seem to mind, pacing back and forth around you. You glanced up and saw Steve with a rather neutral expression on his face, as if he was masking whatever it was that he was feeling.

“I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Uh, maybe I’ll see you both around sometime,” disappointment coated his every word before he opened up his apartment door and promptly closed it behind him. 

You were surprised at how quickly he conceded, but you weren’t particularly mad about it either. You weren’t sure what you’d do if you never got your Miso back.

——

A whole day later, you’d been in your apartment typing up an email when a soft rapping at your door got your attention.

“Just a second!” you called, hopping up and hurrying to the door. When you opened it, Steve was standing in front of you, waiting with an oversized box in his hands.

“These are some of Ar- Miso?” he trailed off, waiting for you to confirm the name, and you gave him a tiny nod. “These are some of Miso’s toys. I just figured if she’s not staying at my place anymore…”

As if on cue, Miso strolled up to the door, and stretched her arms up on Steve’s leg, begging to be picked up. The man glanced at you for approval, and you gave a dismissive shrug before he set down the box, and held up the cat.

Steve frowned as he held her, and frankly, it pulled on your heart strings. You had to remind yourself that this man had been holding your cat captive for at least a week, and at most… who knows. 

She clearly had a connection with him, and that was what intrigued you most. Miso was a very picky cat, and it was only occasionally that she found someone that she genuinely liked, let alone wanted to be picked up by. If you continued to watch the display of affection in front of you, you might just cave.

“Uh, I left something in the oven for a little too long, so I should probably go get that. Thanks for stopping by.”

Steve nodded, understanding that it was time for him to exit.

——

You should’ve seen this coming the minute Miso was back in your home. You stepped out of the shower one morning to find your front door slightly ajar, and your animal nowhere to be found. 

You huffed, frustrated that just three days after you told yourself that your cat was completely indoor from that point on, she had escaped. She could literally be anywhere at this point.

In a whirlwind, you threw on a sweatshirt and pants, ready to go print out the missing posters that you had designed just a few days ago. As you slipped on sneakers, you realized something very crucial. She might just be at Steve’s place.

You groaned aloud, rubbing your temple as you thought of how difficult your cat was being. You were becoming a bit nervous to approach Steve, you hadn’t gotten off to the greatest start, and if your cat wasn’t there, things might just be awkward.

Regardless, you knew you needed to try, so you exited your own home, and knocked on the door of Steve’s.

A few moments later, he appeared with your cat in tow. 

“Hey!” he paused and trailed off, “I never got your name before.”

“That’s what you care about right now?” you glanced down at your animal. “It’s Y/N, by the way.”

“Hi, Y/N. Miso and I were just enjoying breakfast, if you’d like to join us?”

Was Steve shooting his shot? 

“I appreciate your offer, but I think I’m alright. I have to get back to work, and my cat is still in your custody,” your eyes flickered down to the animal who stood proudly by his side. 

“Maybe some other time,” he shrugged. “You work from home?”

You nodded, then squatted down to get eye level with your cat. 

“I’m jealous,” he chuckled. “Alright, I’ll stop bothering you now. Bye Miso, see you around, Y/N.”

You picked up your cat, who briefly dug her nails into the ground in resistance before submitting to her capture. As you brought her back home, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d made the right choice.

——

Ever since you’d discovered Miso, or Arabella’s secret life, it’s like you couldn’t stop noticing her connection to Steve. 

Some days, she’d be gone until the dead of night, when she’d meow and paw at your front door until you woke up. Other times she’d be laying in bed with you, and she smelled distinctly of your neighbor. Your cat had single handedly turned a stranger into a thoroughly integrated part of your life.

It was as if Miso was now your child, and Steve your ex-husband in a Cold War style custody battle, where Miso seemed to prefer her father. It was slightly disheartening. At the very least, you knew she was in good hands. 

You held a throw pillow to your chest while you watched a rerun of a sitcom on your television, procrastinating in your work for as long as you possibly could. The sound of a knock on your door pulled you from your trance, and as you peeked through the peephole of your door, you saw a slightly distorted Steve.

Opening up the door, you gave him just the faintest hint of a smile, “what’s up, neighbor? Need me to grab you some treats for Arabella, or something?”

“Kinda the opposite,” he gestured with his head down to the cat squirming in his hands. “I’m gonna be gone on a mission for the next week or so. I just wanted to let you know that if Miso gets out, she’s not with me.” 

Steve set her down on your carpet, and she happily collapsed at your feet, “keep her safe for me, alright?” 

——

You took a deep breath as you approached his door, hoping he hadn’t left just yet. You fiddled with the sticky note containing your number, and polaroid photo of your cat in your hand, considering turning around and scrapping the idea all together. 

It was silly to think that an Avenger would ever bother reaching out to you. You were probably overstepping anyway. Steve would think you were a freak and take full custody of your beloved Miso once and for all. 

Going against your better judgment, you set down the polaroid-note combo and quickly slid it under Steve’s door. Whatever happened happened.

The next morning, you were pleased to receive a notification from an unknown number. 

Send Miso pics?

You were more than happy to oblige. 

——

Over the course of Steve’s week-long mission, you’d sent several pictures and videos of your cat doing random things. Trying to get on the table, sleeping on top of your dryer, and even playing with one of the toys Steve provided.

Surprisingly, Steve wasn’t as dry of a texter as you thought he’d be. He was eating up all of the Miso content, and would occasionally even ask for you to send more photos. 

The final night of his mission, you were surprised when you received a FaceTime request, at first writing it off as a technical error (he was from a different time period, after all), but the follow up call demonstrated his intentions.

You cautiously picked up, the knot in your stomach growing as you did so, “hello?”

“Hi!” Steve greeted optimistically, the phone just a bit too close to his face. “Any Miso sightings?”

“Yeah, she’s actually sleeping on my foot right now,” you chuckled, flipping the camera so you could show her off in your dim, lamp-lit bedroom. 

“So cute,” he hummed, “how have you been?”

“Me?” you laughed quietly, “I’m not the one on a top secret mission in god-knows-where. But I’ve been fine. How are you?”

“Honestly? I’m pretty tired. Kinda can’t wait to get home and see you and Miso,” he said in a quieter voice. 

Your brain stalled out for a second. Steve was excited to see you? You hoped that you were reading this the right way, as you were more than willing to go with whatever it was that Steve was putting down.

“We’ll be expecting an immediate visit from you, then. I’ll let Miso know that she needs to start kneading a bread loaf for you as soon as possible. Any idea of what time you’re getting into D.C.?” 

“Probably late morning, but it really depends on when Natasha gets up.”

You had a moment where you realized that you were talking to a real life superhero, and he had just referenced his friend… who was also a superhero. You paused for a second. 

“Y/N? Hey, you still here?”

“Yeah! Yeah. I just zoned out for a sec. Well, you better get here safe or else someone is going to be very annoyed with you.”

Steve laughed softly across the line, and you adjusted yourself in bed, yawning softly.

“I’m sorry, I forgot how late it is over there,” Steve apologized.

“Don’t worry, I was up anyway. One of Miso’s boyfriends is pretty upset that he can’t come in here and spend the night with her.”

“Which one?”

“I think that grey one. I don’t really know what his voice sounds like, but she’s been leading him on lately,” you responded, eliciting a laugh from both you and Steve. 

“Try to get some sleep, okay? I don’t need you snoozing while I come to visit our girl.”

“You are something else, Steve Rogers,” you said fondly, adjusting your phone one last time as you hugged a pillow. “I’ll get to sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You hung up, and cuddled into your pillow with a sigh. Calling your dreams that night sweet was an understatement. 

——

You seemed to be Steve’s first stop after his mission, stopping at your door with his duffel bag still attached to his arm, and wearing a slightly dirty and much too small white t-shirt.

Expecting his presence, you quickly got the door and gave him a toothy grin. 

“It’s so good to see your face without a screen,” Steve commented. Internally, you swooned. 

“I could say the same for you, Steve.”

Miso had been summoned by the sound of Steve’s voice, practically sprinting to the door and meowing at him on the top of her lungs. 

“Miso really appreciates you coming here to see her first,” you added as he lifted her up and quietly cooed into her wrinkly head. “Feel free to take her for the next few days. I’m sure she’s getting tired of me.”

Steve shook his head at you, and grinned, “that’s so sweet of you,” he briefly looked down at his wristwatch, and his brows raised.

“Shit. I have to go, but I promise to see you soon. I’m glad to see that everything is well. Take care, Y/N,” Steve began making his way back to his own apartment, and you watched him with the semblance of a frown. 

You really needed to stop longing for the unobtainable. 

——

You hadn’t heard from Steve in a few days following his return, and your brief interaction with him. Part of you wondered if he was avoiding you for some  reason. 

Your phone lit up the room as it went off, and you grabbed it to look at the notification you received.

A picture of Steve grinning with Miso sitting on his chest looked back at you with a simple message connected to it.

Wanna come over? :D

[soranis-sunshadow]

10 unpopular opinions about Horde Prime

Uh boy! @entrapdaknation I thought you’d never ask :D

(I do have a lot of hc’s about Him)

1) My first unpopular opinion is that Horde Prime is not an eldritch monster. The way I’m personally envisioning him is that used to be a person once, a mortal. He didn’t steal a body, the clones are what he used to look like. He had been a brilliant scientist that figured out how to transfer his mind to a new body and as such He discovered immortality. Since dying is part of the “human” condition, the loss of mortality means He lost one of the fundamental “human” experiences with it.

Death is sort of the finish line for all of human experience if you think about it and eliminating it removes the motivation for a lot of things. Mortals have a hunger for experiencing things because of the ever present deadline over our heads that makes the time we have in this world precious. Horde Prime, or whoever he used to be, by eliminating that made it so that with unlimited time, every second became essentially worthless. He has all the seconds in the universe theoretically. He could procrastinate and take all the time he’s ever wanted do something up until the heat death of the universe if He so pleased. Without mortality, the fear of a deadline no longer motivated Him do certain things. This produced an alienation from his own species, it made his experience so far removed from it that in time, he saw himself as a distinct and different entity from his originating species. He was no longer running the same race as everyone else, why bother keeping up the pace or even running at all? With this break in the pacing of his life, connecting to any “mortal” became useless as well, since every connection this Newly Immortal Prime would have made would be transient and these connection were destined to fail because of time. Mortals died, Prime did not. In time, he would have grieved over and accumulated so many losses that he would have stopped trying. Why bond with Mayflies?

Even his own created brothers died in time (he didn't want to create a rival, they were not granted his immortality) so why bother relating to them anymore, they are specs of dust in his lifetime. There is no point in naming them anymore, so many of them have lived and died, their existences meshing into each other. They stopped being brothers and started being tools, there to serve a purpose. That is all an immortal Prime would have needed of them anymore. Connection then loss, new connection and loss compounded over time until it hardened Him not to even attempt it at all anymore.

Prime is a unique creature and as such, he is so desperately alone in his experience the disconnect between Him and everyone else was a rift widening with each passing lifetime. No one else can relate. He could no longer connect to anyone since functionally speaking, he no longer had anything in common with anyone. He has no peers and NO Equal. He tried to do relieve his solitude by creating His clones; at least those had parts of Him in common but their mortality made them transient things, ephemeral. It was even more jarring to see something that has your face but is still just as alien, had an experience so differing from Yours. They made Prime feel even more alienated. So he decided they should have no experience at all…

By becoming Immortal, Prime froze his natural evolution at the point where he became immortal. In his experience mortals lived, died, changed throughout their lives whilst he became this fixed point of the universe. To make matters worse, it is suggested that he loses memories upon swapping bodies and we get to my second unpopular Prime opinion:

2) Horde Prime has dementia. He is not a creature that was born immortal, he made himself immortal (Altered Carbon style) and as such is not adapted to it. Biologically his brain can only contain the experience of one lifetime and when he switches bodies, a part of his life has to be left behind. In time he has left so many things behind that it becomes strange to wonder what Prime even is anymore. It becomes one of those “ship of Theseus” paradoxes. He changes bodies, in times loses memories… Is even the same person anymore? All of his former experiences are stored in bodies bottled up on the ship, he only keeps what is relevant each time he moves on to a new body, the details of his mortal experience become less and less relevant and so he discards those too eventually. With each transfer Prime loses himself. In time, he forgets why even started this conflict across the stars or what his original name was when he was mortal. He forgets having ever been mortal at all. His memories of the past have been copied, transferred, corrupted, copied over whilst corrupted... It was so insidious that He didn't realize it was happening at first. It took time for him to realize something was off and to realize that His memories are losing quality or are misshapen... there is a dread there, to not know what is real and what has happened... He embraces denial and repeats to Himself that his memories are accurate and he Knows all and Sees all. His recollections are what happened. He wills it so! He declares it even though he is aware that different copies of that memory exist in the Hivemind and that his memories have mixed and mashed together, some recollections are isolated, disturbed and broken, the data corrupted in time, a source of confusion. He needs to believe in the veritability of his own experience for anything to make sense.

3) Horde Prime is a creature that came to being in the dusk of the First Ones decaying Empire. His planet had been conquered by them who knows how long ago but all empires fail and fracture in time, so the First Ones fought amongst each other to gain dominance over factions of themselves, practicing scorched earth tactics and leaving chaos in their wake. Mara taking their main weapon and deterrent against all out war - The Heart of Etheria - away catalyzed the decay. As an aside, I like to believe time flows differently in Despondos than it does in outer space, a thousand years on Etheria is different than however long Prime was alive. Hordak spent 20 years on Etheria but it may as well have been ten times that or more for Prime and the outer universe.

The fall of the First Ones Empire was messy and left a void of power in its wake. They used magic to fight each other and when all of that was consumed in their technology no longer worked (which is why magic is so forgotten in the present). They started fighting each other with “conventional” weapons of mass destruction leaving nothing but devastation in their wake. The former colonies fought amongst each other after the demise of the First Ones and war was followed by more war albeit on a smaller scale.

A ‘younger’ Prime would have been a creature of the aftermath of that devastating conflict, a conflict that decimated the FO and the colonies almost completely. He rose to prominence due to his preaching of “peace” and “order” and he may have even meant it.

He slowly but steadily expanded his influence over the remnants of that old Empire fighting the survivors of that conflict and gaining dominion over the “known universe”… (Known by whom you ask? The First Ones of course!)

After a conflict so devastating, many would’ve welcomed His peace. In the beginning, a lot of the worlds of his empire would’ve joined him willingly if only because he was an agent of stability.

Under Prime’s control, worlds could no longer fight amongst themselves.

In a way he kept them safe.

We can see that he didn’t chip or destroy all of the worlds under his dominion in the show.

These worlds did not need to fight their own wars anymore, Prime did it for them with his Horde of disposable Clones. In time these worlds however were turned from vassals of His to subordinates…

sooo that’s how 4) the name of the space bat species was forgotten, they were just a horde of clones… Horde Clones…And Prime was merely the Primary Horde Clone… No longer an individual.

He doesn’t remember his own name… It’s been that long and the memory of who he was and what he was called is probably stored in one of the bodies at the back of the Velvet Glove under irrelevant and outdated information. For all intents and purposes He is the face of this Horde of His… He also lacks individuality and personhood… Whereas his clones are less than people in His conception, He is more than just a person… He is all of them, he is the whole Horde… (I am legion)

Which is why 5) He stores bits of himself in each and every clone so that it is easier to access it because no one body can contain all he needs… Functionally, he exists in more than one body at the same time which is why He is convinced that he knows all and sees all because he receives input and data from his clones at all time. Virtually he sees through their eyes as well as his own. He is no longer a creature stuck in one body. He is active in all of them at all times but only takes control of them when needed. That is why the brothers are convinced they are parts of the whole… Because functionally they ARE merely parts of Horde Prime… Like each individual clone is an organ of the complex creature that was what Horde Prime had become. That is why there is no place for them to become individuals, a finger has no right to be an individual creature when it’s part of your body.

6) Prime doesn’t recognize Mara in season five at all. He never actually fought Mara but he doesn't remember that. He merely ponders whether he had fought her at some point… He doesn’t remember and it’s no longer relevant…

It’s been so long ago that Prime doesn’t even remember the First Ones anymore. It’s no longer relevant information. It’s ancient history. What he does however keep with Him is his inherent suspicion and fear of Magic. The FO fought amongst themselves using magic; his world - while he was mortal, somewhere in his formative years, had witnessed magical weaponry and it may have been what decimated his species as the FO took control of his world. (it would explain why he would start cloning... there were too few of his kind left to be biologically viable...)

He doesn’t concretely remember any of that but he still feels suspicion and fear of magic and magical weaponry which is why he fled Krytis.

7) Horde Prime wanted an end.

After so many lifetimes, even He was tired and wanted it to stop. He has lived everything, forgotten everything then relived it over and over again ad infinitum. He no longer remembered why He had started doing this He just knew He had to keep going because it had been important at some point but he doesn't remember why and is tired of it.

8) He didn’t come up with his own religion… It was something that happened…

Horde Prime was a creature so impressive that his own followers – (at first the aliens under his control…) Started worshiping Him for his many achievements and His imortality. As these people worshiped Him... their Regent... their Ruler... His own clones started worshiping Him as well, first as a great leader and then… as a God and Creator. The change wasn’t sudden. It was a process and little by little it was built over time and changed to fit the current agenda at the time… just like real-life religions, the cult of Prime grew and evolved. In time, Horde Prime Himself forgot that he wasn’t a God, all of His current and recent (and uncorrupted) memories told Him he was. It was what everybody else told Him He was.... He no longer remembered not being God which is how He started believing it Himself.

9) Horde Prime’s cruelty towards His clones comes from his indifference and not from personal evil and malice. They mean too little to Him for Him to bother personally torturing them. They are like the pencils on my desk, there for me to write with when I need them and I might rip the handle off one when fiddling with it because I need something to do with my hands, not because I hate that pen in particular but because it was there and I'm bored…

10) Horde Prime didn’t really care all that much about sending this one particular clone on the frontline to be a cannon fodder. It was one of his attendants (the guys reading things off screens because Horde Prime likes hearing his own voice) that fainted during a particularly extensive conflict which signaled that it was time to get one last use out of that body by having it fire weapons at the enemy on the frontline until it was mowed down.

He didn’t care about “worthlessness” or “defectiveness”. That event may have been important for Hordak -personally - but for Horde Prime it may have been a Thursday, who knows?

What marked the clone that became Hordak as important enough to be worth being catalogued by Prime, so much so that decades later he had a note about him in the database - (and the ridiculous DMV photo – seriously? They have their photos in the database on their profiles? They’re clones!!! They all look the same *Facepalm* why would that be in the profiles? Why the hell would they even have profiles? sigh) - was the way in which this particular little brother disappeared.

The portal event that marked his disappearance was an unknown energy event the likes of which Prime had never encountered before (or didn't remember encountering - same thing really).

It was new and exciting data which is why it was relevant and so he noted it somewhere in the ships databanks. That’s what Horde Prime had catalogued ... not this particular defective clone but the mysterious way in which the clone disappeared.

So, there we go! 10 of my unpopular had cannons about Horde Prime! Hope you like them!

A lot of these came up because of the darkfic with Joy that I'm writing....

[duckprintspress]

How can I write quickly?

I (hi, I’m @unforth) have been asked frequently over the years how I write a lot quickly. I’m a pretty fast writer - for example, I wrote the 5600 words of my May Trope Mayhem fill from yesterday in under 2.5 hours. 

First, a little of my personal history for context. I’ve always written, starting from when I was able to string letters into (very poorly spelled) words and (horrible un-grammatical) sentences. When I started trying my hand at serious, professional-level fiction writing, I joined a community called novel_in_90, which was founded by the author Elizabeth Bear. The purpose of novel_in_90 was “to be NaNoWriMo but more realistic.” Instead of 50,000 words in 31 days, it was 67,500 words in 90 days, or 750 words a day. I participated in multiple rounds of novel_in_90 starting in mid-2005, and in 2007 I completed my first (godawful) novel. When I started, even writing a couple hundred words of day took me forever, but it got easier with time. 

During those same years, I also got a job that required I do professional writing on a deadline: I was a grant writer, and I only got paid when the grants won. That often meant working fast under high pressure, culminating in the weekend I wrote and edited an entire 40 pages grant that was due on Monday. I think, if I hadn’t had a solid foundation of “regular daily plodding writing,” I’d not have been able to marathon when the moment came...and it came because I had to, not because I wanted to. However, I learned a valuable lesson: I could. Subsequently, I found that, when I had the time and space and was rested enough to use my brain, I could bust out a huge amount. Like, I wrote an entire 150,000 word novel in 17 days.

My personal record is about 200,000 words in one month (it was the month I wrote that novel; I wasn’t tracking when I did that so I don’t know exactly), 25,000 words in a day, and I’ve topped out around 3,000 words an hour. I do know people who can do more...but not many.

Not everyone will be able to do this. Flat out, I MUST preface the rest of this post by saying that. Some people will find that writing fast fits their brain, and for others, it just won’t, and that’s okay. Fast doesn’t equal better, and it isn’t inherently “good” to write fast. Furthermore, even for those who can write fast, not everyone will find the same strategies helpful. I can share what works for me. Try out one item, some items, or all of these - if writing faster is something you want to be able to do, which it certainly never has to be. Use what works for you, and discard the rest.

Sit in your chair, put your fingers on your keyboard or touch screen, and write. You can’t write 1,000 words in half an hour until you write one word, however long that one word takes. I know saying this is obvious, but I’ve been asked “how can I write fast” by people who struggle to write at all...fast can’t be your priority until you’ve got a foundation of just writing. (Honestly...fast should never be your priority, but it might be helpful to you regardless, which can make it worth learning.)

Start small. Set an achievable goal, and make yourself meet that goal (daily, weekly, whatever) come hell or high water, no matter how long it takes you. Keep the goal small at first; you’re not trying to torture yourself, you’re trying to build a skill. If you set the goal high enough that you consistently fail, you’re not teaching yourself anything. And, if you find the goal IS too high...lower it. There’s no shame in working within your limits. Think of it like starting a new work out regimen: you wouldn’t try to run a 10k at a record time if you can’t run a mile slow. Treat your fingers and your brain the same way you’d treat your legs and joints. Give them time to grow, learn, and improve before you try to push yourself.

Trying to write daily is worthwhile if you want to work on your writing speed, because you’ll be forced to try to fit it in as you’re able - that might be ten minutes in your morning, or an hour in your evening, and it might vary from day to day, but making it daily means you have to fit it in somewhere.

Building skills takes time and isn’t easy. For some people, it will come easier than for others, and even when you’re fast, going from “I can write words fast” to “I can write damn good words fast” takes practice and dedication and accepting constructive criticism - speed alone will never be worth more than writing well.

Having a community can help. Ya’ll will check in on each other, cheer each other on, remind each other that missing a day or a goal isn’t the end of the world, and keep each other’s spirits up. If you don’t know other writerly folks online, I recommend Weekend Writing Marathon ( @weekendwritingmarathon ) as a good place to start (I used to be a mod there). Once you’re trying to work up to larger word counts in a day, remember that even writing fast will take minutes or hours. You can’t write 2,500 words in an hour if you don’t set an hour aside. Make sure you’re giving yourself the room and time you need to succeed.

You will probably never be able to do high, rapid word counts every day, every week, every month. The best runners in the world don’t run marathons every day. Set realistic long term goals.

Work on projects where you have a clear idea of where you’re going. I’m not saying “pantsers” can’t write fast, because of course they can, but if you want to write fast, and well, and coherently, to create a first draft that’s in pretty good shape, you’ll do better if you have a good sense of what you’re trying to accomplish with your story. That doesn’t mean you need to do all your world building up front, or have a complete outline (I never have either). All you really need is what happens next. I tend to plan projects - and write them - one full scene at a time, with only a vague idea what’s going to come after. (I’m personally a “plantser,” and the strategies in this post will likely be most effective to other plantsers.)

Visualize ahead of time what you’d like to write...but don’t get too attached to what you visualize. When I go to bed, I plan the next scene I’m going to compose, often to the least detail. I then forget all of it overnight, at least all the specifics, and I’m left with a general sense and shape of what’s to come. You’ll never be able to replicate the “perfect” dialog you pre-conceive, so give up on trying to. Instead, play through the scene and think about the emotional beats you want to hit and plot points you want to forward. If you keep that in mind, you’ll be able to get the words out faster than if you’re agonizing over every word or regretting the “oh-so-great” idea that you’ve since forgotten. 

Practice different work styles. If writing every day doesn’t work for you, try instead saying, “this is my writing day each week,” and aim for a lot that specific day, and write little or nothing other days. Try writing at different times of day and on different days, fitting it into your schedule. If you’re beating yourself up for not writing when you “should,” it’ll be that much harder to succeed, so instead, as I said for point 2 - set a reasonable goal that fits your life and working style, fitting it around your other responsibilities, and push yourself within that framework, instead of trying to shoehorn into a style that you “think you should” use to succeed. 

Track your word counts, and take notes on how much you did and what project you were working on. If you’re also experimenting with different times of day and different days, make sure you note that too. I personally use a simple Excel sheet (well, Google Sheets, now) - column one is the date, column 2 is “starting word count,” column 3 is “ending word count,” column 4 is “=column 3 - column 2”, column 5 is notes. Pay attention to when you succeed at writing faster, and when you don’t, and consider what factors might have played into your success...and then try to replicate those factors next time you’re doing a sprint. Control as many variables as you can while you’re “training.”

If you find social media distracting, trying getting a web browser extension that prevents you from connecting to websites for a set period of time.

If you find you tend to dither before starting, I find it helpful to run through everything that I might do to procrastinate (check my social media! grab a snack! make some tea! set up my playlist! check my social media again! finish making the tea! check my social media for what I swear will be the last time!), and when I’m done, it’s like, well, I’ve done all those things, I’ve got no choice left, time to write, no excuses left.

If you find you struggle with picking up a WIP, try leaving off in the middle of a sentence at the end of a session, one where you know exactly how it ends - or, leave off mid-paragraph, or when you are positive you know what happens next (and I mean literally next, as in the very next sentence.) It’s much easier to “pick back up” when your first words are super clear. (Do not do this if you think there’s any chance you’ll forget or end up in a situation where you won’t return to your WIP for months!) 

If you find you struggle to maintain continuity across multiple writing sessions, try rereading what you wrote the previous day before you proceed. Resist the urge to edit it!

Avoid stopping when you get stuck, even to do research. Don’t know a fact? Add a comment to your manuscript flagging the relevant text, “LOOK THIS UP LATER.” Can’t think of a word? Put in something you can use the “find” function on easily (I personally use “XX” since there are no words that have a double x in them) and so you can come back later, search for your chosen placeholder, and fill in the blanks. Not sure how a scene ends but know the next scene? Jump ahead.

That said, if you really don’t know what happens next, you don’t do yourself any favors by pressing on. As I’ve said previously, speed alone should never be your writing object. It’s better to slow down, consider your plot, figure out where you’re going, and then write, than to just plow ahead - or at least, that’s better if you want a manuscript you’ll actually be able to use for something at a later point. If you’re truly just practicing, you can also say “screw it, who needs coherence?” and keep going. I’d personally never have finished my first novel if I’d spent a lot of time worrying about making the pieces fit together and yeah, it’s a mess, but it’s a mess I wrote instead of a mess I got stuck on and never completed.

Don’t move the finish line. If you’ve set the goal of 500 words a day, don’t beat yourself up if you get 550 because you think you think you could have done more. If you say you’ll write five days a week, don’t get mad because you DID have time the sixth day but chose to use it on something else. If you make yourself feel like shit when you succeed, what’ll happen when you fail? And when you’re comfortable and really think you’re ready, change the goal - reassess every month, say, and up your goals. While working for speed, trying upping your word count goal without changing the amount of time you allot for working.

Your need to adhere to the above suggestions will change over time. Once, I always had an outline; now I often don’t need one. Once, I wouldn’t let myself stop even to use a thesaurus; now, I find I can look up words without breaking my flow or significantly slowing myself down. This is not an “all or nothing” prospect, nor is it a “do things the same way forever once you’ve found one (1) thing that works” prospect - you’ll experiment, and find strategies that work for you, and then at some point, your needs will change, and you’ll experiment more, and find new strategies that work for you, on and on, as your skills grow. 

To reiterate: writing fast should never be your objective in and of itself! Greater writing speed will come with practice and as a general side effect of improving your craft. Simply being able to write fast is useless; being able to write fast and well will enable you to get more of your ideas out there, so if that’s something you’d like to accomplish, focus on building your general skills and training yourself to be able to use those skills rapidly and in tandem with each other to produce decent writing, in a first draft, at a decent speed.

Once you try, you may find none of this works for you! That’s okay. That’s good! You tried, which means you learned something about yourself and your own writing style, and that too will help you to improve. Keep experimenting, keep learning, and find what does work for you - and accept that no two writers will ever be the same, and one of those differences will be writing speed. Some writers will never write fast, and that’s doesn’t make them any less awesome or valid. And some writers will always write fast, and that doesn’t make them inherently awesome or valid. Only with a suite of skills that suit your individual life, personality, work style, writing capabilities, goals, etc., will you succeed as a writer (for various, personalized definitions of the word “success”); speed is only one of those potential skills, and not one that’s particularly important in my opinion...yet I still get asked about it fairly often, so here we are, these are my suggestions

Go forth, and write some words! <3

[stanknotstark]

Research and Dating (No They Aren’t Connected)

“So, if you could kidnap me really publicly that would be great.”

“...why?”

“I kinda forgot about this research essay due tomorrow? And like, my prof knows I’m a hero- I even brought my laptop so I can write it in your cell. Is the wifi password still the same?”

It’s Thursday at 8 P.M. and your essay is due in 4 hours. It wasn’t that you had procrastinated it’s because-nope, ya, you procrastinated. Now you were freaking out about it when the glorious idea came to you. 

There were, of course, perks of being frenemies with Loki. You have visited his his base of operations before, his ‘evil lair’, been thrown into one of his cells and ‘suffered’ until he got bored of the Avengers searching for you like chickens with their heads cut off and made theatrics by showing up to them with you in his hands and ‘failing’ to keep you away from the Avengers saving you. 

In all actuality, you had sat in a golden cell but Loki had sat right outside the cell with a chair and read while eating an apple. You couldn’t read the title of the book so you asked him what it was about and Loki had been a little hesitant but fell into your pure curiosity and explained what he had been reading. You’re sure he liked your curious mind as you started asking more questions and challenged the ideas the book gave. It lead to a long discussion of morals, and death, and at one point whether apples or pears were better. It was fun is what you’re trying to say. 

That’s how your friendship blossomed.

So, you call up Loki, yes he has a cell phone, and ask him without explanation at first, “So could you, like, kidnap me but publicly?” 

You can hear the cogs turning in Loki’s head at your request. “Why?” He asks in a smooth voice, betraying no emotion.

“I kinda forgot about this research essay due tonight? And, like, my professor knows I’m a hero. I’ll even bring my laptop so I can write in your cell, the wifi password is still the same right?” You ask Loki. 

Loki sighs over the phone, you can imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose with closed eyes. 

“Yes. Fine. Be at Madison Square Garden in 15 minutes.” The god says and hangs up. 

You smile and pump a fist at your best friend’s save. 

You’re at Madison Square Garden in record time and Loki makes his entrance a show. 

You’re sitting down outside the stadium when Loki materializes from green clouds of magic that open a portal then float into the air as if they’re a sign that’s flashing the words ‘Loki is here!’ in the night sky of NYC. When he sees you he rolls his eyes but people start paying attention so you play along with his ruse.

“Loki! What mischief do you plan to get up to today? It doesn’t matter, I need to bring you in!” You yell at him, almost laughing at how stupid this all seems, and push civilians back behind you. 

Loki chuckles darkly, “You. You are my mischief today, your poor Avengers will never find you. You will become my slave.” Loki says with a voice that is dark but his eyes light up with amusement.

By now hundreds of people have stopped their night to watch you and Loki, phones out and recording everything. 

You smile sardonically at Loki, “Not if I-”

Loki grabs you and pulls you and teleports. When you’re at his base you sigh and pat him on the arm as he pulls from you. 

“Thanks, I owe you big time Lokes.” 

Loki frowns at the nick name you chose. “Please refrain from calling me that or I shall teleport you to your professor and have you face the repercussions of procrastination.” Loki threatens. 

You chuckle, roll your eyes, and head to the cell. It’s just in case someone actually does pop in to ‘save’ you. 

When you’ve settled in the cell Loki raises the golden barriers and magics a chair near to settle with you.

“What do they have you writing about now?” Loki asks. 

You had asked him for help writing other essays because Loki has an eloquent way of speaking. You felt it made you sound smarter and because you spent consistent time with the god you had fallen into talking like him sometimes.

“It’s for my disability class, the sociology class?” You ask Loki if he remembers you telling him about it, at his nod you smile, “Ya, so basically we’re to argue whether we feel prostitution should be legal or not in America considering how much it helps the disabled.” 

You laugh at Loki’s frown. 

“Which side do you argue for?” Loki asks with a small squint as if trying to determine the side before you tell him. 

“I believe it should be legal but have restrictions and rules. If in the wrong hands it could be really bad but at the same time if it’s in good hands it could be really good. It’s a risk but we won’t know how well it’ll work if we never try, you know?” You say with a pondering look. Loki purses his lips but nods at you. 

Loki magics a book into his hands and lets you start writing away. The whole thing is very comforting to you. Sound wise, you can hear Loki let out puffs of breath when he finds something amusing in his book, Then, there’s the rhythmic tapping of your keyboard as you write. Other than that you just enjoy being with the god, even if you aren’t interacting with each other. 

You’ve been harboring a crush on him for awhile but have always kept it hidden. You value his friendship too much to do anything that could jeopardize it. Not to mention, Loki hadn’t shown anything on if he likes you or not. He occasionally flirts with you in battle but that’s about it. So, you feel you know he isn’t attracted to you like that. 

“Loki what’s another word for great?” You mutter.

“Glorious, grand, impressive?” The god supplies you with choices. 

You hum but don’t say anything and continue typing. After you finish your paragraph you look at Loki who glances at you. 

“Thanks.” 

Loki smirks at his book, “Anything for you, darling.” Loki says in a low voice while reading his book. 

See, the nick names had started early on. At first they had confused you but when you had been in battle and helping Tony, Loki had called Tony ‘sweetheart’ so you reasoned Loki just had a thing for nicknames. That doesn’t stop the jolt in your stomach when he does call you sweet names like that though. 

You shake yourself out of your reverie and continue writing. You’re like one, maybe two, paragraphs from being done. You try your best to elongate time to hang out with Loki more but when you finish your essay you don’t have any other excuse. 

That’s why, when you finish and close your laptop with a small ‘click’ and Loki stands and asks if you would like to spend time at his apartment, you’re shocked. 

You stand looking at Loki with wide eyes. 

Loki takes this as an answer and coughs a little, bringing a hand up to rub at his face, he’s trying to hide his embarrassment. 

“I am sorry, I crossed a boundary, it won’t happen again.” 

“No!” You yell, nearly dropping your laptop as you reach towards Loki. You scramble to hold it to your chest again and look at him, shyly pushing a lock of hair behind your ear. 

“I would love to. I was shocked, I always figured I’d be the first to ask.”

Loki looks at you a little doubtfully but sees the truth in your answer and smirks. Instead of replying he waves a hand and the barriers disappear then he holds his hand out to you. You gladly take it and suddenly you’re both standing in a tidy apartment. 

It’s very modern and looks costly. The furniture is all contemporary and different shades of white, brown, and gray, with the occasional splash of emerald green in throw blankets and decorative pillows. You don’t really notice but Loki still holds your hand. 

Loki pulls you by his hand towards his kitchen and puts a kettle of water on on the heating stove top.

“Tea? Or are you more of a coffee person?” Loki asks you with a glance as he pulls out his tea. You finally realize Loki has yet to let go of your hand but you’re not going to complain.

“I love both, but tea will be good for now.” You say lightly, glancing down at your clasped hands when Loki isn’t looking. A small blush heats up your cheeks and you let a stupid smile cross your lips.

You and Loki settle against his bar, still holding hands, while you wait for the water to heat in the kettle. 

“I never had the chance to ask but why are you studying psychology and sociology? I figured a superhero’s salary would be quite enough to live comfortably? Don’t tell me they under pay you.” Loki asks, his tone laced with a threat when he says the last part.

You chuckle. “No, it pays well enough, enough to pay my way through school. I want to help people though, that’s what makes me truly happy. So, naturally, psychology and sociology were natural choices because they help me understand people, the way they think, how they tick, so I can better help them.” You explain.

You look up at Loki who looks at you with an unreadable emotion on his face. Loki then brings a hand up, tucks a rogue lock behind your ear and keeps his hand there. “You are too precious for this world.” He whispers as he looks at you. You feel you cheeks heat up and can’t keep eye contact with Loki. 

Loki clears his throat and drops his hand from your face, looking away from you as well. However, he doesn’t stop holding your hand. You feel your hand become clammy from nerves and hope this doesn’t gross out Loki. At the thought your hand twitches in his and Loki merely squeezes your hand. 

“What other hobbies do you favor, seeing as they obviously kept you preoccupied enough to procrastinate your paper?” Loki asks. 

You smile at the ground because you realize Loki is trying to better know you. 

You look up at Loki again, who is already looking at you. “Well, surprisingly enough research and reading are my main hobbies.” 

“Oh?” 

“I love learning so I read up on whatever subject pulls at my attention at the moment.” 

“And what draws at your attention right now?” Loki asks curious.

You flush and look at the ground, kicking it softly with the toe of your shoe. You mutter the answer.

Loki chuckles, brings his free hand up to tilt your face till you look at him. “Say that one more time, where I can hear it darling.”

“Norse mythology.” You say softly, embarrassed. 

Loki’s eyebrows lift in shock. The look on his face showing that he did not expect that answer at all.

Thankfully the kettle begins whistling and causes the moment to be broken and forgotten. 

Loki makes a cup of tea for the both of you and you both move to his living room, seated on his couch. You’re both sitting close enough to touch at the legs but don’t hold hands anymore. You set your mug on the coffee table in front of you, too hot to hold. Loki however basks in the heat of his cup, his hands wrapped around the mug as if he has just come in from a blizzard.

“I have plenty of texts you may borrow if you want to learn about the true mythology.” Loki offers, looking at you calculatingly.

You had hoped Loki would drop the subject seeing as your research was drawn from your want to learn more about Loki than actual Norse mythology. 

Whatever, shoot your shot, right?

“I’d much rather hear your tales than anyone else’s.” You say, your hands picking at your jeans with nerves. 

Loki hums with a small smile as he takes a sip of his tea. “Of course, darling. There is no better way to learn than from the source of such tales.” Loki says smugly. 

You feel a smile break over your lips as you look at Loki who basks in his arrogance.

“I better watch out, stroking your ego,” You say, Loki raising a brow at your mischievous smirk, “Otherwise you might start sounding like Thor.” You say to knock Loki down a peg. Loki scoffs with a roll of his eyes but you don’t miss the twitch of his lips.

“Do not compare me to my oaf of a brother.” Loki says, finally setting his mug of tea down, resting his hands in his lap. You also don’t miss the twitch of his hands, as if they want to reach out towards you. 

There are too many signs that Loki obviously likes you, it’s almost overwhelming, but you keep yourself pulled together before you ask him the question.

“You know, I’m just kind of going out on a limb here, but uh...You ever plan to ask me out, take me on some romantic dinner or something or do I need to give more incentive?” You say, the confidence in your voice a facade because inside you’re freaking out. 

Loki keeps a blank face as you look at him. Then, he lets a smirk break out over his lips, glances at his tea but his eyes come back to yours. 

“Is that such a good idea? Considering you are still my enemy?” Loki asks.

You grab your tea so you have something to do with your hands, sipping from the earthy, spicy liquid. You let yourself think, letting his question roll off your shoulders and shrug. “I could care less what the Avengers think but we can keep our relationship hidden if that would keep you happy?” 

Loki purses his lips, his eyes squinting at you. “They would cage you, would they not? If they knew you were fraternizing with the enemy?”

“Yes, but I have no doubt you’d let them keep me for long.” You smile at Loki who huffs out laughter. 

“You truly want me?” Loki asks. You don’t fail to hear the insecurity in his tone. 

You set your tea down, grab both of Loki’s hands in yours and look at him, baring all your emotions on your face. “More than you will ever know.” 

Loki squeezes your hands with a soft tilt of his lips.

“Then I suppose it is inevitable. Shall we partake in a date tomorrow night, say seven?” 

You smile at Loki. “I would love to, Lokes.” 

Loki rolls his eyes at the nickname but you know he doesn’t mind it, much. 

Needless to say, you were granted an extension of time to turn in your essay while also scoring a date with your crush.

[nerdyprocrastinator]

How to Avoid Last-Minute Cramming

11 Sept 2022

As we all can see from my last post, last-minute cramming can be extremely stressful, and sometimes can be basically useless. Sadly, even though we all can see the reasoning as to why we should probably stop procrastinating so much that we have to do this amazing study strategy, it is often really hard to say for sure that we will stop cramming from now until the end of forever.

The Useless Advice You Hear Everywhere

A lot of times, articles will say that you simply need to become more motivated in order to stop cramming. But these articles will barely tell you how to build that motivation. Especially when that motivation of the test seemingly being so far in the future that there is absolutely no reason to get motivated now and actually do the studying before-hand. They basically tell you that the key to stopping procrastination is to simply say that you’re not gonna procrastinate anymore without giving you the knowledge of exactly how to do exactly that.

Another thing they tell you is to just make a schedule of when you’re going to study without telling you how to stick to that schedule, long term. They say to build a study habit without telling you how to stay motivated enough for you to actually make it a habit. 

This situation is quite hard as it seems these authors don’t understand that sometimes just quitting procrastinating is a hard thing to do.

An Actually Interesting Article That Seems to Address These Concerns

“Why You Cram for Exams (And How to Stop)” by Scott H Young was an interesting read when it popped into my search results of trying to find the best solutions for our little cramming problem.

He explains procrastination as a thing that happens when your aversion to doing a task is greater than your actual motivation to do what needs to get done. He goes on to explain that you can either work to make yourself feel less averse to studying or improve your motivation to do it. This is different from what I am used to seeing as he actually brings up some interesting tips that seem small and very effective.

His tips to make your aversion shrink first start off as things we have all heard before: create a habit earlier in the school year or earlier before the deadline, even if it is a small one. I was ready to write it off, but I decided to keep reading to see if he may have something else to say. And he did: he says that one thing that makes studying so hard is the feeling of negative feedback. He says that the best way to fight this is to just go slower when you choose to study that portion of content as this will make you think you understand something before you move on to the next thing. One example he gives is that he won’t stop using flash cards until he gets one right, which will have to happen at some point as he keeps the ones he gets wrong in circulation.

To build motivation, he builds on the idea of making studying a habit. He explains it first as it becomes more of an obligation if you do it long enough, so you feel bad for missing that habit. He also brings out a decently simple solution: mark off days that you actually study. You will soon crave seeing those marks being made off as an accomplishment for studying, so you get yourself to start studying. He also says to look deeper into the subject and find a connection to it so that you become actually interested in the topic and actually want to study it.

These pieces of advice are things that I’m not used to hearing and I think I’m gonna try to use these methods for a little bit to see if they help. 

Let me know if you feel the same, or if you feel completely different and have some criticisms. I love hearing from you.

[funkymbtifiction]

6 vs 9

Thank you for answering my question on Ni and worrying!

I have debated on 6 vs. 9 before, but I’m pretty sure I’m a 9.

Not sure if you want an answer or not, but why not? I’ve got time. ;)

I do see 6 aspects in myself:

Lots of self-doubt and over-thinking. I take commissions as an artist and usually I’m excited to hear about a new commission but then get worried and think I won’t be able to do it / won’t do a good enough job. <- if you are a 9, this could just be your line to 6 and general anxiousness about doing a good job per your (I assume) 1 wing.

Being indecisive when anxious and wanting someone to tell me what to do/solve my problem. <- Hmm, I haven’t talked to my 9 core friends about this a lot, but I do notice some of them consult me in a “this is happening!!!” way and I give them suggestions on what to do, so… I’d say 9s will consult people they trust if they don’t know what to do. Also, did you decide on INFP? If so, indecisiveness is Ne.

I tend to plan for the worst/expect the worst (but hope for the best). <- Pessimism is a human condition. xD

I don’t project, though - I do worry that people may not like me, but I don’t test them to find out if that is the case and I always blame myself for it (i.e if they don’t like me it must be because I’m boring or weird or not emotionally reactive enough). <- I used to do this way more when I was young. I’d send an e-mail, get anxious if I didn’t get a normal prompt response, comb back over what I said searching for anything that might have upset them, and feel anxious for no reason assuming someone is mad at me. I would send out little feelers to see what was going on – quick texts or notes in a friendly tone to see if that generated a response. Now I just assume, when that anxiousness kicks in, that as adults, we’re all busy. But self-blaming is a condition of Fi, and not related to Enneagram type, IMO.

Also, I don’t provoke people to examine reactions. In fact I hate conflict (the classic “raised voices = yelling” 9 issue is true for me; in 95% of arguments I’m the peacemaker trying to find middle ground between other people). <- with me, it depends. I have zero problems with conflict at home or arguing with my parents / family members, but the less I know you and the less I trust you, the more I don’t want to fight with you. It’s true, though, that I have that bratty 6w7 energy that sometimes provokes to get a rise out of my loved ones, which my mother (a 1w9) absolutely hates. It’s hard to shut off, but I try for her sake. Course my father is quarrelsome too, so we’re like a tempest in a teapot sometimes.

I also don’t see many positive 6 aspects in myself:

The ability/desire to build connections and make a security system. <- Interesting. My security is my bank account and having a few people I can count on. It’s not stalking up my pantry, for sure. *cough * weak Si, like what kinds of foods even go together? *cough* Though I work very hard in my family business so we can all thrive, which is a security of its own.

Being loyal to friends and checking in with them to make sure we’re “okay” (I never do this barring an actual argument or something - mostly I ghost people; loyalty is not my strong suit!) <- This is very true of me. If anyone picks on any of my friends, I will get offended and fiercely defend them (even if I have criticisms of them myself). And I do like to stay connected as an extrovert. But following up what I said above, I don’t try to build super close connections as much as I did when I was younger. I’ve realized people have their own lives, and you’re lucky to get their attention at all. But I don’t ghost people. I used to stay in very immediate contact with them.

I feel very little need to connect with other people. My friends are basically my family and in-laws -  about 10 people who I truly trust and would do anything for. I don’t really want more people-related responsibilities. <- lucky little sp-dom introvert. ;) Though I can somewhat relate. More people means more energy going out, and I spend so much of it on my books and hobbies, I don’t have a lot left over. I was laughing with a fellow sp-dom INFP just yesterday about how we are both like “OMG, I have SOCIAL events in October, 5 of them!! I’m going to be so busy!!! Will it be too much???” Chill, girl. They’re interspersed over weeks. Stop over-thinking “invasions of my time!”

Meanwhile, I have many positive and negative 9 attributes:

The core problem of 9, apathy, is a BIG problem for me. Many problems in my life have been caused by not acting, by waiting too long in hopes that the problem will go away, by riding along on easy work (even if it is work I love and is worth doing) and not doing the hard work that would lead to the achievements I really want to make (writing a novel, etc.). I’m not a lazy/apathetic person in general - I can (and do) work extremely hard (I run my own art business and working 12+ hours a day is typical for me). But it’s a mental apathy issue, the quailing at mentally facing hard tasks and ending up doing small easy things that soothe me. <- aww, tho I relate to procrastinating. Being around 9s, it kind of amuses me to watch you self-soothe. Like, shouldn’t you be studying for your math final and not reorganizing the bathroom cabinets? And it seems like 9s can drag their feet even when it’s important until they decide to do it, then nothing stands in their way.

Other 9 aspects/problems I can see in myself:

Being vague - not knowing what I really want and getting frustrated by not having a clear vision of what to do. <- yeah, that’s 9ish.

Suppressing anger and other “negative” emotions because of seeking inner peace/blankness. And if I do express anger (usually in a burst under stress) I feel guilty about it. <- 1 wing, yeah.

Setting up walls between other people and myself because I can’t deal with their emotions. I don’t struggle with the intense kind of “merging” described by many 9s, but I think that might be because I’m Fi-dom and probably sp-dom. But it is still exhausting to handle the emotions, opinions, etc. of many people for long periods of time. <- I need to ask my 9w8 INFP more about this specifically, but I don’t know that she fully merges so much as prematurely (sp-dom) throws up a barrier and says Nope to things, in hopes of avoiding other people creeping into her feelings. And yeah, she finds being around especially temperamental or high energy people difficult, since it’s such a bombardment of drama + her own intense reactions.

Tolerating behavior I don’t like for too long because “they might have good intentions.” Thinking positively of people because believing the worst of them feels mean. <- same for me, Ne + compliant type issues.

I have very strong opinions but I don’t like to argue with other people. I tend to believe that if the truth exists, other people will be drawn to it without my twisting their arm and making them see it. <- that’s nice of you and very healthy Fi-dom. I … will absolutely argue up to a point, then decide it’s not worth my time and pointless.

My motto (good and bad) is often “Let’s wait and see if things improve.” <- haha.

Also, although I do struggle with 6ish self-doubt, when it comes down to it I trust my gut and believe that I know what is best for myself. People can give me advice and I’ll nod and thank them but inside I’m thinking “You don’t know me!” In general I am (or at least appear and strive to be) a cheerful, emotionally stable, positive person. So… I still think 9 gets more points. But honestly, this is one of those things that makes me believe in tritypes because I relate a lot to both of them! Thank you for reading all of this!

Go with your gut. Be a happy little 9. :)

ETA: Regarding relating to them both -- of course you do, 6 is your stress line, so it will show up regularly. ;)

[nanowrimo]

How to Use Brain Science to Win NaNoWriMo?

Maayan Sulami is a Tel Aviv-based writer and podcaster, and has been actively invested in NaNoWriMo since 2016. She comes armed with insight into the inner workings of the mind and how a deeper understanding of brain mechanics can give us the tools we need to fine-tune our process and get things running smoothly.

Brain science has explained so much of our behavior patterns over the past decades, and the findings are amazing. Our mind is a complicated machine, but when you know the mechanism, you can use it for your advantage.

NaNoWriMo, being such a huge challenge, makes us rethink our work process and push our boundaries — no better time to combine brain science with writing. Here are the main challenges you might face during NaNo and how you can battle them using mind hacks.

Procrastination

Procrastination is a clash between the prefrontal cortex — the planner and rational decision maker (Basically the Friends character Monica Geller), and the limbic system that wants to feel good right here, right now (aka the instant-gratification seeker, aka the character of Rachel Green). And it’s one of the most dominant parts of the brain! That’s why it wins more often.

We procrastinate when the limbic system wins. Psychologists call this “present bias”; it means we tend to give more weight to payoffs that are closer to the present time. Which means that watching Netflix will most likely win over a writing sprint.

One way to battle this is to have small instant rewards when small tasks are done, and not wait to feel the fulfillment when you finish NaNo or even ‘til the end of the day. Have small rewards throughout the day (get a coffee, take a bath, have a snack) — that way the writing sprint has a chance to beat Netflix.

Another way to bridge Monica and Rachel is to re-create self-trust, meaning starting to close the gap between what I say I'm going to do and what I actually do. Procrastination basically means thinking A and doing B, this creates discomfort in the brain (which means discomfort in your body) and this is called cognitive dissonance. When you do what you actually say you’ll do, that also gives you instant gratification (bc there’s no more dissonance). So when battling with procrastination, try and do the smallest, easiest task on your list; that will make the limbic system happy, and will help with getting the rest of the stuff done.

The Emotional Brain

When we’re sad, anxious, or even dehydrated or sleep-deprived, the brain is lacking resources. In order to get those resources back it’ll take them from other parts — usually the Monica Geller part; the one that makes good decisions. So make sure you self-care: eat well, drink a lot of water, get enough sleep and try to relax (you can use breathing techniques to increase levels of relaxation during the day — apps that are great for that are Headspace and Oak breathing app).

Motivation

Navy Seals sing when they run (“I want to be a Navy Seal'' — google it) and this isn’t just for morale. When they sing, their brain thinks that they’re enjoying it, and it connects that happiness to running. If you help the brain connect writing with pleasure, it’ll be easier for you to actually sit down and write. Like we said, the Rachel Green part is gonna want that immediate pleasure.

A crucial principle to be aware of is that the brain doesn’t do such a great job at differentiating reality from imagination. That’s why we get scared when we watch a horror movie, even though we know there’s no actual danger, or why we salivate imagining eating something delicious (it’s also why “fake it until you make it” is a real thing). This means the brain will believe what you tell it to believe. Repetition is one of the best way to do this, so if you like mantras/affirmations, make a special one for NaNo and your writing challenge and repeat it every morning.

Writer’s Block

Creative thinking is a very mysterious process in the brain. it has nothing to do with the left or right parts of the brain; that’s just a myth. When we create, parts all over the brain are activated. But since it's a very vague concept, it’s harder to explore. However, studies show that imagination and creative thinking are linked with memory. Participants' brains were scanned while they were remembering a past experience, then imagining a possible future experience and then thinking of creative uses for an object. All three actions (remembering, imagining, creating) activated the hippocampus — the part in our brain that creates and stores memories.

They also found that after asking participants to recall a detail in a recently watched video, they were able to come up with more ideas, and the ideas were more versatile. So next time you’re stuck with a creative problem, try to imagine a past experience with as much detail as possible. This might give you a short-term creativity boost to generate more ideas.

Fun Fact About Creativity and Inspiration:

Issac Asimov wrote about 500 novels. In his biography he wrote that he chooses not to wait for inspiration, and if he struggles with a novel, he just does something else instead — writes an article, a manual, a short story, or works on a different novel. This fills him with more motivation to do things. Action begets motivation begets action, not the other way around.

One last word on change. In the past, scientists believed the brain stops changing and evolving when we’re children; now we know that we form new neurons and neuron connections all the time (neuron connection is basically how we think better and faster, how we make decisions, etc). Meaning, our brain can change for the better throughout our lives. It takes effort, but it’s the most important work we’ll do. 😊

References The Willpower Instinct — Kelly Mcgonical Core Network Contributions to Remembering the Past, Imagining the Future, and Thinking Creatively — Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience The Creative Brain — The Dana Foundation

Maayan Sulami is a writer and podcaster presently working on two debut novels; a light romcom and a dark thriller (we’ll see which one is done first). Maayan feels the balance between those two genres basically defines who she is as a person. She loves storytelling and analyzing great stories — which is the subject of her podcast — and she believes she could’ve been this generation’s Lorelai Gilmore if she were just a little taller.

You can find more of Maayan at her blog, Maayanwrites.com, or on insta @maayan_writes. You can also watch her short film on Youtube and read her short story at Sffplanet.com.

Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash.

[yumehoxo]

⚠️WARNING⚠️ this story contains 18+ content (fingering, car sex, strong language, degradation, etc..)

Eren jeager x female bodied reader

*f/s = favorite snack*

“𝐼𝑚 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎-𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑟𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑎𝑙”.

It’s been over a week since you last saw him, although it wasn’t his fault. It was exam week both of your schedules were full, and on top of that you both decided to procrastinate all your work as well.

You missed his touch, the way he would whisper in your ear, the way his hands caressed your body.

You found yourself like this every night, your fingers pumping in and out of you, as memories of you tugging on his brown locks, him thrusting in and out of you, a string of saliva connecting from one mouth to another, all of your shared lewd memories flashing through your head.

Your anticipation for the week to finally end grew more everyday, slowly driving you insane.

“𝐼𝑚 ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑠𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡...”

Exams were finally done, although you think you didn’t think you passed most of them, at least the burden of the actual test was off your shoulders. You could care less, you could deal with the score later. Just not today.

You got in the shower, using all of your best products, exfoliating your skin, cleaning off the face mask from earlier, shaving your legs with a fresh razor. As you got out the shower you fixed your hair and put on a little bit of makeup.

You were checking the time constantly. Anxiously waiting for him to come pick you up.

You sat there trying to distract yourself with your phone, going through social media’s only to get even more anxious.

It was 7:50p.m he said he would be here by 7:30p.m.

“Should I call him?” You thought to yourself, picking up your phone again and looking at his contact. “No I don’t want to look needy.” You sighed putting your phone back down again.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“𝑇𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑖𝑚 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑡”.

7:56 p.m

You heard knocking on your door, quickly getting up to go open the door, he was standing there out of breath. He had on grey sweatpants, a black tshirt that fit perfectly around his biceps showing his perfectly formed muscles. His tattoos slightly peeking out from the sleeves, his brown hair tied lazily into a man bun causing a couple strands to fall to the sides of his face, now slightly sticking to his forehead from the sweat.

“I’m so sorry there was so much traffic in my road because of some party Jean is hosting.” He panted. You stared at him, it felt like you haven’t seen him in years.

“It- Its- fine don’t worry about it.” You said back to him. You felt like a 16 year old girl again going on her first date. The butterfly’s in your stomach were going on a rampage, unable to control them.

He walked inside closing the door behind him. He snaked his hand around your waist, his lips met your neck causing you to moan ever so slightly. His kisses trailed up from your neck to your ear..

“Don’t look at me like that or we might just have to cancel our date.” He whispered in your ear. They way his breath tickled your ear sent chills down your spine. You could have sworn you melted at that moment. Head dizzy with lewd thoughts.

He grabbed your hand and opened the door again,

“Now come on we’re going to a drive in movie.” He said with a slight smirk on his face, satisfied from the look he left on your face as you cheeks were flushed red.

“A drive in movie? I didn’t even know those types of events were hosted anymore.” You said to him trying to bring down the sexual tension.

“Neither did I until Armin told me.” He said back.

You both walked to his car, your hands intertwined together as you told each other about the shitty week you both had. The sun was setting as you walked through the parking lot, the orange/pink sunset hitting his skin. The view was like eye candy the way his emerald green eyes sparkled, his strands of hair flowing slightly back from the breeze. You looked away before he noticed you staring but it was too late...

“You like what you see?” He said with a sly smirk on his face. Causing your face to get red again, but you managed to calm yourself down quick enough.

“I would like to see what’s in your pants more” you said with a smirk and a lewd look in your eyes. His head shot in your direction you could have sworn he broke it by turning so fast. You looked up at him giggling like what you said wasn’t a big deal. His face was slightly tainted red from blushing to your statement.

“Oh is that so y/n?” He said smiling as one eyebrow raised slightly. His head slightly leaned down next to your ear “Well two can play at that game my love..” he whispered.

Both of your eyes widened and your face turned an even darker shade of red. You stood there not able to say nothing back.

“Oh so you have nothing to say now?” he said while eyeing you from the side.

“Shut up!” You said playfully, throwing a soft lunch at his arm only for your wrist to be grabbed and pinned over your head and your body to be pushed up against his car. You didn’t even notice you were at his car yet until now.

“Aww don’t tell me to shut up, you know you like it.” He said looking straight into your e/c eyes. He slowly let go of your wrists as you stood there in utter shock from what just happened. He opened the passenger door for you as you got in still having said nothing from his actions.

The whole ride to the drive in his hand was on your thighs slowly getting higher and higher and going right back down to your knee just to watch the way you get flustered. It felt like it was taking forever to get there.

After another 20 minutes of driving you guys finally made it there was quite a lot of cars with either their trunks facing the screen with their trunk open, or they were sitting on the hood or roof of their car. It all seemed so romantic, it’s the last place you’d expect him to take you. The movie had already started and it was now dark outside.

“I’m going in the back seat so I can get some more leg room” you said.

“Same here” he replied. Good thing he had an 8 seat car or else you would have just stayed in the front. He handed you a blanket and your f/s. As the movie played your leg was over his and his hand was on your thigh. Although it’s only been 30 minutes since the movie started the sexual tension in the air never died down. You’ve been touch starved for too long and you weren’t going to wait any longer.

You maneuvered your way around him so you were strattling him as you looked him into the eyes.

“Is something wron-” you cut him off with a kiss. His hands roamed up and down your sides. You slowly stopped and look to either side of you there were two cars but they were paying attention to the movie, you went and out of the sun shaders as if it was going to help anything.

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“𝐷𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑒 𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛, 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒”

You could both hear the movie playing in the background, but the sound of wet kisses and moans were more audible to your ears. His hands roamed his way up your body unclipping your bra, slowly removing the strap from each of your shoulders. He lifted up your shirt just enough to see both of your breasts. He took one into his mouth sucking hard enough to leave a mark while massaging the other one. As you tried your best you couldn’t hold in your moans as you took your hand to cover your mouth to muffle yourself.

“Uh- uh, I want to hear your voice.” He said coldly while removing your hand from your mouth and replacing it with his lips...

“Okay princess?” He asked with a smile on his face.

“Y-yes” you said back as he went to tend to you other breast.

You could feel him growing hard underneath you. You rocked your hips against his to get some sort of reaction.

“S-shit” he whined as you continued.

He took your hips into his hands and pressed down hard so you would stop moving. He tugged at your jeans..

“Take these off” he told you in between kisses. You complied taking them off as he took off his shirt. His abs and tattoos now visible to you. You could feel your cunt dripping just by looking at him. You crawled back onto his lap immediately pressing your mouth on his and letting your hands trace over his abs. His hand moved to your heat rubbing slow circles over your panties. A small moan escaped your mouth,only for him to swallow it by pressing his mouth over yours again. He slowly moved your panties to the side and started slowly pumping his fingers in and out of you. You rocked your hips against him asking for more..

“Be patient, the movie isn’t even close to done” you whimpered at his words but nodded your head.

As he pumped his fingers inside of you, you slowly ran you hands down his abs to his hardened cock. Palming it slowly, causing him to moan into your heated kiss. You pulled away from the kiss throwing your head back, moaning loudly. Your body shook as you reached your high, releasing on his fingers.

You smiled shyly at him as you caught your breath again. You’re stare lingering too long causing him to pull you into a kiss again hands wrapping around your lower back. You slowly broke the kiss by tugging on the waistband of his sweatpants. He understand what your were trying to do and lifted himself up a little to pull his sweatpants and boxers off to free his aching cock. You could see the pre-cum leaking out giving his member a soft glimmer in the moonlight hitting you both. You started rubbing slowly tracing circles with your thumb around the head earning you a grunt from him. You lifted your hips and placed his tip and your entrance. You pushed yourself down slowly as you tried to stifle your moans as you needed to adjust to his size.

“S-shit you-your so tight y/n” he moaned barely managing to connect the sentence together. You started moving up and down slowly as you pulled on the back of his hair earning an even louder moan from him. As your felt the knot in your stomach build up you started speeding up your movements, he noticed and started thrusting his hips into yours.

“E-Eren I-” your breathed out only to be cut halfway through your sentence.

“Me too” Eren replied as his movements sped up.

He started hitting the spongy spot making you see stars in your vision as you moaned his name following with curses right afterwards. It didn’t take either of you long to reach your high point. You slumped down into him after releasing wrapping your hands around his neck as you both caught your breath.

“I’ve been waiting for this all week” you told him.

“Same here” he said while pressing a kiss on your forehead.

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Authors note: lmao I wrote this on my phone during school but umm I saw this idea somewhere I just can’t remember who. :( but umm anyways I’m sorry for any typos but I hope you enjoyed! I love y’all *muah*

Btw I do requests 🥰❤️💫