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[themidnightcrimson]

skirt ࿏ wm

summary: in which wanda gets a little too handsy during a small party.

words: 4.5k

warnings: top!wanda, fingering (r receiving), semi-public sex, severely gay ogling, reader being a fuckin simp

this fic is for 18+ only. minors dni.

masterlist.

Steve had unfortunately complained to Tony that the parties he always held in his huge, modern, techno mansion were not intimate enough. Tony, always ready to take complaints from Steve with a cheeky attitude, passed the message along to Pepper who decided to truly make something cozier for everyone.

Tony’s parties were pretty much bi-weekly at this point, every other Friday night. The team almost always showed up in entirety, and the regularity of it was becoming sentimental to some of you. Even Tony was starting to plan them: “You guys gotta try this whiskey. I’ll bring it next Friday” or “I swear, Cap, I’m gonna put you in a suit on Friday and shoot you up to Mars.” It was cute.

Tonight, instead of drinking and playing poker around Tony’s in-house bar room, Pepper had set up something beautiful outside. You’d arrived at the party with Nat, stepping through the back patio of Tony’ mansion and seeing something set up in his backyard. Tied between two trees was a large white screen, and several yards in front of it was a projector mounted onto the roof of the patio, pointed right towards the screen.

In front of the screen, on the lush, freshly-trimmed grass yard, was a whole bunch of pillowy chairs with blankets cast over them, set up like little cots. To the side of the arena was a little hot dog stand that also had a big red and golden popcorn machine currently popping popcorn attached to its hip, as well as a large futuristic-looking cooler full of ice and bottled drinks. There was even an attachment on the front of the hot dog stand with an array of candy bars.

Strung above the entire arena were strings of fairy lights going in every direction, tied between trees and the railing of the patio porch. The sun hadn’t quite set yet, but they were already turned on, providing cute little lights above the cozy scene. It was the homiest thing you’d ever seen at Tony’s home.

“My god,” Nat remarked as she looked around, looking as shocked as you. “It looks like Tony’s planning on proposing to all of us at the same time tonight.”

“I would say yes,” Banner said, coming up beside you and gawking up at the lights. He ran down the steps of the patio and towards one of the fluffy chairs made of pillow, throwing himself down on it and squishing it to the ground. You could hear his sigh of comfort from the patio.

“Do you guys like it?” Pepper asked, coming out of the house. “There’s more food and snacks inside if you guys want anything that’s not out there.”

“I feel like I’m experiencing my first American sleepover,” Nat said, turning to Pepper. “It’s great, really!”

It was cute seeing Nat get so excited like that. Steve showed up behind Pepper and had the same reaction as everyone else, even tearing up a little bit. When Tony reluctantly entered the patio, Steve gave him a slap on the shoulder. “This is really great, Tony. Really great.”

Tony tightly smiled and quickly went back into the house to avoid any more sentiment.

Since the few of you were the first to arrive, you all stayed on the porch and made conversation while waiting for everyone else to show up. It was a chilly spring night, the wind picking up and every once in a while catching the black skirt you were wearing. It was that annoying time of year, of course, where you would have been sweating during the day but now you were shivering at night. You wished you had worn pants instead of a skirt. You didn’t know you’d be thanking yourself later for the opposite.

You had been discreetly waiting for someone the entire time. As more people lingered through the back door into the backyard, you nervously glanced at each figure and hoped it’d be the one you wanted it to be, but it never was.

And then you knew. You didn’t see her, or hear her name, or any other evidence that she was there other than the fact that the pit in your stomach grew and there was a tingling sensation across your nerve endings. The witch always had that affect on you. You didn’t know if it was a spell or something, or maybe you were just acting like a crush-stricken schoolgirl, but you had a habit of always knowing when Wanda entered a room.

Surely enough, through the tinted windows lining the back porch, you could see a flash of red hair making its way towards the back door, that smile you had memorized greeting people as she stepped between them. A shiver crawled its way up your lower spine as the door opened and that face stepped through, the one you’ve been dreaming about, the one that haunts you, the one that twists your stomach into knots when you see it because it makes you think of all the times you’ve touched yourself with that face in mind.

Wanda stepped onto the porch, her hair in wavy locks down her shoulders. She was wearing a soft, light pink sweater that probably looked like off-white to everyone else in the dusk light, but you paid enough attention to know it was pink. It matched the gentle pink in her cheeks, and in her lips…

You and Wanda’s…”situation” was only just blossoming. After months and months of tense friendship and subtle flirting, you’d finally broken the ice when you’d shared a drunken makeout session at one of the parties. You found Wanda to be much bolder than you’d expected her to be, but it invigorated you so. She knew how to keep you on the edge but give you enough to keep you satisfied. She hadn’t fucked you yet, though she’s gotten close. You’ve felt her mouth, and her thigh, but she hadn’t touched you with her hands yet. Her hands.

It was embarrassing when Nat had to snap you out of it. You’d been staring at Wanda since she’d entered the backyard space and got caught up in a conversation with someone else on her way to greet you. You weren’t even sure if she’d seen you yet, but with how sly the witch was, you were sure she was fully aware of everything.

“Hey, you’ve got a little drool there,” Nat said, motioning to her own chin while looking at yours. You blushed and rolled your eyes, taking a deep breath and turning your back on Wanda. Even though she still hadn’t looked at you, you swore you could feel her eyes burning into your back.

“Shut up,” you whispered, crossing your arms and shivering slightly in the cold.

Like clockwork, you suddenly felt a warm arm wrap itself around your shoulders. God, you even recognized her touch now.

Looking up, you saw Wanda appear beside you, her arm slung over your shoulder and pulling you into her gently. You felt the softness of her sweater and her hair against your arm as you were overcome with her cologne. It was sweet but deep, and it made you melt every time you smelled it because it reminded you of all your moments with her.

Wanda smiled down at you, and you half-expected her to lean down for a kiss, but she didn’t. You weren’t public yet, though Nat knew the extent of it, and everyone else had just assumed. They all thought that if you weren’t fucking, it was at least obvious that Wanda wanted to, and no one would dare get in the way of that. This was all without your knowledge, of course, because you were innocent and naïve and thought that no one had any clue about it except for Nat. That was one thing that Wanda liked about you.

“Hey there,” Wanda smoothly said in almost a whisper. Every time you get close to her for the first time, you feel like you’re seeing her for the first time all over again. Her sparkling green eyes, soft lips turned in a self-assured smile, structured cheekbones, her cute little nose. It all made you swoon like a schoolgirl.

“Hi,” you squeaked, feeling your face get hot all over.

Wanda gave a breathy chuckle, obviously picking up on your little squeak. She gave a little space between you for a moment to let her eyes rake down over your figure. They landed at your hips, and her smile faded, turning almost crooked for a moment before she licked her lips and pursed them. “Hmmmm,” she hummed, pulling you into her again, a little tighter now. “You look so fucking good,” she hissed, leaning down towards your ear. You felt her breath fan against your ear, and then her lips grazed it, before she turned away, stiffening as if trying to hold something in. You watched her jaw flex, the muscles straining in her swan neck as she inhaled deeply.

You weren’t sure what exactly was going through the witch’s mind, but your body was burning all over. It almost pained you how you always had such a physical reaction to Wanda.

Wanda did not let go of you. Even as she lingered around the patio, even as people came up and made conversation, she kept you under her arm like her own pet bunny. You felt safe like that, tucked into Wanda, letting her lead the conversations while you just leaned against her soft sweater and inhaled her sweet perfume. The duality of Wanda’s gentle physique but domineering nature made your head dizzy.

Wanda was like a bee to honey to you for the entire time that you and everyone else waited for the party’s population to be dense enough to start a movie on the large projector screen. Finally, once the sun had set and only left an orange streak at the bottom of the sky, Tony came back out onto the patio and, fully equipped in his suit, stuck his hands out to the side and levitated up towards the projector. Halting mid-air, the face of the suit flipped away to reveal Tony’s face.

“Greetings and welcome to the lamest party Tony Stark has ever thrown,” Tony announced, earning several laughs throughout the small crowd of people before flipping the projector on and flying away.

Light illuminated onto the screen, and an old black-and-white Hollywood movie began playing on the screen. People made their way over to the little cots set out on the lawn, while some stayed on the patio pretending to be the adult part of the crowd.

“Want some snacks?” Wanda whispered in your ear, to which you gave a dumb nod, too focused on the way her hand slid down to your waist and gripped it.

Wanda led you over the little hot dog stand that shone like a beacon in the darkening lawn, apart from the light from the movie. You were about to tell Wanda that you wanted popcorn and Skittles, but she somehow beat you to it. “A bag of popcorn and some Skittles,” she told the guy behind the stand. Nodding, he began to load up a bag of buttery popcorn as you looked up at Wanda in confusion to how she knew what you wanted.

Mind-reading can be useful in many ways, kitten.

You thought Wanda had spoken, since you had heard her voice, but her lips didn’t even move and her voice sounded like it was behind you. Your eyes widened in realization that Wanda was using mind-reading on you for the first time—though it actually was about the hundredth time that she’d pried in on your cerebral. It was the telepathic communication that was happening for the first time, but she thought your confusion on the terms was cute.

“Thanks,” Wanda told the guy as he handed you the warm bag of popcorn. She took a bag of Skittles and two bottles of soda and placed her hand on your lower back, her warm palm ushering you towards a cot in front of the screen.

She decided to choose one a little off to the side, spaced out more from any others. It was a double, basically a large pillow in the shape of a chair that could hold two people.

“This is so fun!” you exclaimed, hopping down on the cot and sighing at how soft it was, understanding now why Banner was so relaxed when he had jumped onto one. There was even a little basket beside the chair that held a large, fluffy blanket folded up. Pepper had truly gone all out.

Wanda plopped down beside you, her warm body instantly melting into yours as her weight into the pillowy chair dipped you down closer to her. The redistribution of weight had moved you in a way that your skirt hiked up your legs.

Wanda’s eyes flickered to your skirt, her pupils swarming. You blushed and pulled your skirt down to cover yourself, discreetly watching Wanda blink and force herself to look away. She leaned back in the chair, snaking her arm behind you and curling it around your waist, which only deepened the blush on your cheeks.

Reaching towards your lap, Wanda took a piece of popcorn from the bag you held between your legs and popped it into her mouth. You took a piece and moved it towards your mouth, but suddenly her hand stopped you.

“Nuh uh,” she said quietly, taking the popcorn from between your fingers. “Let me do it.”

You froze, staring at her face that was so close. It was illuminated by the projection on the screen, her green eyes darker than usual.

“Open your mouth,” she whispered, her eyes flickering down to your lips. There was a hunger in her eyes as she watched you hesitate before slowly opening your lips, your heart beating twice faster in your chest. Wanda brought the popcorn to your mouth, letting your tongue take it. You were surprised when, as you felt the texture of the popcorn on your tongue and the butter flooded your taste buds, the tips of Wanda’s fingers lingered in your mouth. As you attempted to close your lips, they only closed around her fingers, tasting the extra salt left behind on them. Your face grew red and hot as you watched Wanda smirk, pushing her fingers in just a miniscule bit further, her own lips parting in infatuation as she watched your lips suction around her fingers.

“Good girl,” she whispered, slowly dragging her fingers out of your mouth.

As if nothing happened, as if you weren’t sitting there blushing and sweating and feeling the space between your legs get warm, she went back to simply eating the popcorn and staring up at the screen.

Clearing your throat, you forced yourself to stop staring at this blasted woman who just teased you so easily and tried to focus on the movie.

Wanda’s handsy-ness wasn’t too extreme during the first half of the movie. It was only her arm around your waist, her hand rubbing your back sensually, her fingers softly combing through your hair and pulling on it hard once or twice just to get a squeak out of you, to which she pressed a discreet kiss to your neck. It was like she was just playing with you. It was like she was just playing with her food.

It wasn’t until halfway through the movie, when there was no sight of any sunlight in the dark night sky, that Wanda strengthened her moves on you.

Under the pretty fairy lights, as everyone else started to calm down and really settle into the movie, a chilly night breeze sewed itself through the air. It flittered over your exposed legs, causing you to shiver. Wanda, who’d been trying not to ogle your thighs all night, couldn’t help but see the goosebumps on your tender skin.

“You cold?” she asked in a soft, sweet tone. When you nodded, she reached over to the basket and brought out the large, thick blanket, draping it over the both of your laps. The warm, soft blanket was such a relief to your cold legs, and with Wanda’s body also available to you as a heater, you felt so cozy and safe.

Then Wanda’s hand reached under the blanket and rested on your thigh, her palm curving around it. The action made you stiffen, your skin growing exponentially warmer where her hand touched. The intimacy of the action sent shimmers through you, and you tried to beat back the little smile on your face.

Wanda, on the other hand, was trying not to smirk. She was more purposeful than you gave her credit for, but again, your naivety was what fueled her to see just how much she could get away with.

You were trying your hardest to ignore her hand on your thigh until it suddenly shifted upwards, pushing your skirt up with it. You gasped quietly. Her hand was all the way up your thigh now, gripping your flesh firmly. Her fingers were wrapped into the inner most tender part of your thigh, pressing into the soft skin there.

The heat between your legs amplified with how close Wanda was to it. You couldn’t help but nervously glance around, afraid that somehow someone had seen her hand grab your thigh under the thick blankets. Luckily, no one was looking. The closest person to you was Nat, but she was watching the film with her head tilted and arms crossed, obviously trying to analyze it like she did with most films.

“Wanda,” you whispered, glancing up at her to see that she was already staring at you darkly.

“What, princess?” she asked innocently.

The name struck you like a bullet of white hot fire in the pit of your stomach. She watched you seriously, a smirk twitching the corners of her lips, as she tightened her grip on your thigh. It stung a little, her fingertips digging so hard into that sensitive inner flesh of your thigh, that you almost squeaked.

“If you want to make noises for me, then do it, babygirl,” she lilted, and you almost gasped when her hand slipped fully under your skirt. You squirmed a little, but she looked at you threateningly. “Don’t move.”

Your breathing grew heavy as you looked around again, feeling that for sure someone was looking this time. No one was.

No one will see, detka.

Wanda’s voice was in your head again. You sharply turned to look at her, but she was staring at the screen now.

Suddenly, you felt something under the covers spreading your thighs open. You hadn’t even realized you’d been squeezing them together, but as you looked down at the blanket, you saw a hint of red glaring through it as your legs spread themselves wide open. She was using magic to open you up for her. Out of impulse, you tried to slam them shut, but her magic held you there, the red glare dissipating so as to not draw attention to what was happening beneath the blanket.

Be still.

You bit your lip as you felt Wanda’s hand cup you under your skirt, her palm pressing into your fabric-covered core. Your breath quivered out of both nervousness and pleasure when she found your clit through your panties and slowly rubbed it.

I can feel how wet you are through your panties, princess. Her voice was even husky in your head.

You tried to keep still as Wanda rubbed your sensitive nub, looking around again to see that still no one was looking at you. But the fact that anyone could look over at the wrong moment, see part of Wanda’s arm stretched towards your lap under the blanket, seeing shapes inappropriately moving under the fabric, instilled a sense of fear into you that seemed to propel your desire.

Good girl, just keep being still for me. I know how bad you’ve been wanting this. You’ve dreamed so much of my fingers.

God, how did she know? Had she been spying on you?

Her fingers dipped down your fabric-covered slit, tickling there for a moment and feeling the wet spot forming on your panties. You were soaking by now, you could feel it, and it only got worse when Wanda started to push your panties to the side.

You started to open your mouth to tell her no, that she shouldn’t do that in front of everyone at a party, that anyone could look over and see and that it’d be so embarrassing, but her voice was quick to reprimand you.

So what if someone sees? I’ll let anyone know that you’re all mine.

With that, her fingers successfully slipped under the thin, stretchy fabric of your panties and met your soaking cunt. You heard Wanda let out a tense breath as she seeped her fingers through your sopping folds, her jaw flexing again.

You’re so fucking wet, babygirl. Her voice growled within your head, dizzying you.

You glanced around nervously, almost thinking someone was looking at you, but finding that no one was still. You felt so nervous about it, so paranoid, but your feverishness was mostly just from Wanda’s fingers rubbing your bare clit now, moving your wetness all around.

I’ve been wanting to feel your pretty cunt for so long. You just had to wear this slutty little skirt tonight, hmm?

Heat burned throughout you as Wanda’s fingers moved towards your entrance, circling it. You stiffened a little, not knowing exactly what to expect from her. You had to force yourself to not gyrate against her hand, to not turn to her and beg for her to just do it, to not moan out loud. It was especially hard not to do the last thing when Wanda’s fingers thrusted inside you.

“Oh—” you started, until Wanda’s magic snapped your mouth shut. Wanda went completely still, freezing completely. You took a blushing, nervous glance around and nearly died when your eyes made contact with Nat’s eyes.

You froze like a deer in headlights. Nat was staring at you while Wanda’s fingers were inside you for the first time. You were looking her in the eye while your walls clenched around Wanda. You wanted to set yourself on fire.

Fortunately, Nat only gave a casual little head nod and a smile and then turned back to the movie. You knew Nat well enough to know that she wasn’t just pretending that she didn’t see anything. Luckily for you, she really had not noticed anything unusual other than your usual awkwardness around Wanda.

Close call, princess. You almost got found out for being a slut for me.

Taking a shaky breath, your hand crawled around until it found Wanda’s knee under the blanket and gripped it for dear life as she started thrusting her fingers inside you. You tried not to whine at the stretch—it’d been a while for you.

You’re so fucking tight, baby. Wanda’s voice was breathy in your head.

You threw your head back a little as Wanda’s fingers pumped in and out of you, and you could even hear the faint wet sounds coming from under the blanket. It made you feel so dirty, getting fingered like that in front of everyone, and being so wet for it, too.

I knew you were such a slut for me. What if I rip the blanket off right now, hmm? Expose you for spreading your legs for me even in public like a whore?

Gritting your teeth together, you felt Wanda’s two fingers hitting a sweet spot inside you. It was so hard to not buck your hips, to not squirm or moan or do anything but etch claw marks into Wanda’s knee.

And then you felt a more noticeable stretch. Squeezing your eyes shut, you felt Wanda force a third finger into you. This time you couldn’t help it. You threw your head to the side and buried it in Wanda’s chest, letting out a mix between a quiet moan and a sigh that luckily was muffled by Wanda’s sweater. Keeping as still as possible, you inhaled Wanda’s perfume and scratched the fuck out of her knee as she pumped three fingers inside your cunt at an agonizingly slow speed. You knew she would’ve fucked you a lot harder if it weren’t for the sake of being discreet.

“Wanda,” you murmured into her chest, feeling the valley of her breasts from beneath her sweater cushioning your face. “Wanda, I’m close.”

Her fingers were hitting so deep inside you. They were so long, and she was curling them, and she was hitting your sweet spot deep inside, and you could feel your juices dripping down yourself.

Hold it. She commanded.

You didn’t even realize it, but you clamped your teeth around a chunk of her sweater, biting down hard on the thick cable-knit fabric as the woman’s fingers plundered you at a steady pace. You didn’t even know if anyone was looking at you now, and you didn’t even care because your body was starting to tremble as you struggled to not cum all over her fingers.

Finally, when you begged again, she acquiesced with Cum for me, princess.

It took all of your power to not moan out loud as you orgasmed with Wanda’s fingers lodged deep inside you, your walls spasming around them and your hips trembling. She nuzzled her nose against the top of your head and hissed when you bit down on her sweater again and accidentally bit into her breast. She held you still with her spare arm, her fingers deep in you, as you came down from the blinding high.

“That’s it,” she whispered into your hair. “Good girl, just breathe.” You were breathing very hard to make up for not being able to moan. “You were such a good, quiet girl for me, angel.” The praise landed over you like soft kisses until you realized she was also pressing soft kisses to the top of your head.

It didn’t help that, when you had finally calmed down and Wanda pulled her shiny fingers out of you, she popped them into her mouth and sucked off all of your cum. You blushed and dug your face into her chest again, this time purposefully biting her breast which made her hiss again and then giggle evilly.

Luckily, no one had seen you get fingered by Wanda, at least not to your knowledge. Nothing had ever come out of it, at least, except that Tony spread a rumor that you had peed yourself during the party because when you stood up from the chair at the end of the night, there was a wet spot right under where you had been sitting.

[petitemistletoe]

Mamma Mia

Pairing: James Potter x Reader, Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: smut!

Word Count: 4.2K+

A/N: Basically Marauders Mamma Mia

Massachusetts

“I’m going to find myself,” you said, examining the items in your trunk before nodding and slamming it shut.

“That’s not a proper response to the question ‘where are you going?’” Your cousin, Lily, was lying on her stomach on your bed, thumbing through the latest edition of a British newspaper. 

“Yeah,” Mary said with a shrug of her shoulders, popping another piece of your maple candy in her mouth.

“Don’t eat all the sweets!” Marlene said with an indignant huff, handing you her remember-ball. 

“Thanks Marls,” you said, popping open your trunk again and wrapping the ball in one of your sweaters. 

“What kind of sweet is this again?” Lily asked, leaning over and grabbing a piece of maple candy from the box in Mary’s arms. 

“It’s maple candy. They make it up in Vermont.” You said with a shrug. Your trio of British friends always appreciated your American candies. Lily had introduced you all during a summer excursion and the girls had decided to move to America to attend a post-graduate certification program at your alma mater, Ilvermorny alongside you. You had finished a year ahead of the other girls since you were able to combine your NEWTs with introductory courses to the program. You had been living in an apartment, you insisted to the girls that it was an apartment not a flat, with the girls for over a year. You thought about entering the workforce after graduating, but you decided that you wanted to take a three month long trip to ‘find yourself’. 

“Are we close to Vermont?” Mary asked. 

“Yeah, it’s right above us.” You nodded, drumming your fingers on your chin. 

“What are you thinking about?” Marlene looked up at you. 

“Do you think I’ll be able to find a place in the train station to exchange my dragots for gallons?” You hummed. 

“Galleons, love, and no. You’ll have to go to Diagon Alley. It’s in London, not too far from the station. I’ll draw you a map.” Lily said, summoning a piece of parchment. 

“No Lily,” you held your hand up, “that defeats the whole purpose of what I’m doing. I’m going to travel across a few countries in Europe and find my way myself.” You shut your trunk again and nodded. 

“Is it time?” Mary asked, setting down the candies. 

“Okay,” you said with a sad smile, “no tears! It’s only three months! I’ll be back at the end of the summer.” The girls are wrapped their arms around you, hugging you tightly and placing kisses on the top of your head. 

“Good luck, darling.” Lily smiled. 

“Be safe!” Marlene called. 

“Have lots of hot sex!” Mary laughed. You laughed and gave a small wave before taking a deep breath and apparating to the center of London. 

London

It was the middle of June in London. You had packed dresses, and skirts, and shorts, and tank tops, and tops that barely covered your midriff. But it was the middle of June in London, so it was pouring rain and it was very chilly. Within a few minutes of you being outside, you were soaking wet. You were wiping the rain from your eyes and scanning for somewhere to duck into when you saw a sign that said: The Leaky Cauldron. Somewhere, in the deep recesses of your mind, you could vaguely remember Mary mentioning something about having a pasty and a pint at the Leaky Cauldron. You never could remember what the hell a pasty was, but you figured any magical place with beer was a good place to start.

You ran into the bar and seemed to attract the attention of everyone inside. You sent everyone a small smile before taking a few wet, sopping footsteps to the bar and pulling yourself onto a barstool, your trunk at your feet. 

“What can I get ya, love?” The bartender asked, quirking an eyebrow at your appearance.

“I know I must look kinda crazy,” you said, raking a hand through your wet hair, “this is my first time in London. I wasn’t prepared for rain.”

“Happens to the best of us,” the bartender shrugged, “fancy a pint to warm up?”

“Sounds good. I’ve heard Guinness is popular here.”

“It is. A pint of that then?”

“Yes thank you! Oh, I heard that you might be able to change my American money.” You said, digging around in your wallet. 

“Sure. You have one of those green dollar bills?” The bartender asked. You placed a dragot on the table. 

“Can you change that for a galleon?” You asked. The bartender released a huff of respect. 

“An American witch? Welcome to Diagon Alley.” He winked and you suddenly became far more aware of the other witches, wizards, and magical folk in the bar. “We have rooms upstairs. Fancy to stay a night or two? We can send your bags up and you can warm up by the fire with a nice glass of firewhiskey.” 

“Thanks. I’ll meet you over by the hearth then.” You said with a wink, taking a moment to wave your wand and dry yourself before snuggling into a chair with a thick blanket. The bartender floated over your drink and you held it up to him in thanks before taking a large sip. You thumbed through a volume of Quidditch through the Ages that had been lying on an empty table. Quidditch had always fascinated you. It wasn’t very common in the states, Quadpot being the more popular sport. 

“You are reading my absolute favorite book in the world.” A man said, sitting on the plush seat in front of you. 

“Oh is it?” You asked, setting your book down and taking in the sight of the man in front of you. Although Mary had been a little crass, you had every intention of riding around Europe…and you weren’t only talking about the trains. Your first candidate was an incredibly promising one to boot, he was tall, with messy dark hair, warm brown eyes, and a pair of round glasses. 

“You really have no idea who I am, do you?” The boy gestured to the bartender for another firewhiskey. 

“Am I supposed to?” You asked with an easy chuckle. The boy leaned in close and flashed you a smile. 

“I’m kind of a big deal.”

“What makes you such a big deal?” 

“I’m the chaser for the Ballycastle Bats.” The boy looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to swoon. But you didn’t. 

“Oh!” It hit you, “Oh! That’s a quidditch position! Right?” You thumbed through your book until you found the page that described all the positions. 

“You really don’t know anything about quidditch?” The boy quirked an eyebrow. 

“I’m American,” you shrugged, “I’m more of a quadpot girl.”

“Well, Miss America,” the boy leaned in closer so his nose was practically touching yours, “I’m James, consider me your guide to Diagon Alley for the foreseeable future.”

“James, I have a question for you.” You said, tucking one of James’s unruly dark locks behind his ear. 

“Anything love,” James’s voice sounded breathy.

“Do quidditch players fuck better than quadpot players?” You said with a grin. James nodded and matched your smile. 

“Why don’t we find out.”

You realized at some point later that James had never paid for his drink but you really didn’t care because James had taken you up to your hotel room and was deep inside you while rubbing your clit. You were on your back, his face close to yours as your right hand rested on his sharp jawline and your left hand was gripping his bicep. You didn’t cast a silencing spell and you were sure the other patrons of the Leaky Cauldron were cursing your name because you were screaming so loud. The firewhiskey was a warm blanket across your skin and your cheeks were hot as James pounded into mercilessly. 

“Godric, you’re so fucking hot.” James said, his glasses foggy and his hair sticking to his forehead. 

“Keep rubbing my clit,” you moaned as you jacked your leg higher and James was able to hit a deeper angle inside you. James connected his lips with yours and you moaned loudly into his mouth as you came. You squeezed tightly around him and James came a little after, burying his head in the crook of your neck and whimpering as he came, hot white ribbons inside you. 

The two of you talked for hours after, he tried to explain the rules of Quidditch to you and you would just laugh. James made good on his promise, too, he gave you a tour of Diagon Alley and wizard London before you apparated up to Scotland. 

The Scottish Highlands

The girls told you all about the quaint village next to their school in the highlands. You spent your days traveling the highlands, sitting in sweet cafes with a scone and a mug of milky tea, reading on a boat on Loch Ness, and visiting all the historic and gorgeous castles. You were going to spend your final day in Hogsmeade before making your way to your next destination. You spent the day wandering Hogsmeade, dipping in and out of sweet shops, joke shops, and little book stores. You settled yourself in a pub called the Three Broomsticks and sipped on a hot butterbeer while reading a book that you had found at Tomes and Scrolls: The New Edition of the Patronus Spellbook. 

“That’s a great book you’re reading,” a voice said, disrupting you from your thoughts. You rolled your eyes. Did all British wizards use the same pick up lines?

“Oh really?” You were sort of tired after all the days of apparating around Scotland and wanted a quiet night in the corner of the pub. 

“Yes. It’s one of my favorites.” The stranger said, sitting next to you. You looked up at him finally and took him in. He was tall, skinny, with thin light scars on his face and hands. He was wearing a knitted sweater and a very worn in pair of trousers. 

“Why’s that?” You asked, still uninterested. 

“I wrote the forward.” He said with an easy shrug, “Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you.” 

“Oh wow,” you were interested now, “it’s a pleasure.”

“I didn’t mean to disturb your reading, I was just a bit excited. The new edition came out yesterday, I was just nipping to the shops to purchase a copy for myself and have a drink to celebrate.” 

“So Remus, do you do other things besides writing forewords?” You asked, asking for another drink from the barkeep for Remus.

“Ah thank you,” Remus accepted the pint and took a long sip, “I am a professor at Hogwarts, I teach Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“Oh, so you’re Professor Lupin then, aren’t you?” You said, leaning in. Remus looked down at you and gave you a wolffish grin. 

“That I am.” 

You had many, many more drinks with Remus as he told you all about his first few years of working as a professor and the various difficulties that came with it. He talked all about his new patronus research until patronus didn’t sound like a real word anymore. 

“I have a confession for you, Professor.” You said, a goofy smile on your face.

“Anything love.” Remus rested his hand on your thigh. 

“I have a fantasy,” you said, leaning in so your nose was practically touching his, “about fucking a professor in his office.”

You and Remus stumbled back on the path that lead from the village to the school. It was a gorgeous, gargantuan castle that was unlike anything you had ever seen before. You made a mental note to tease your cousin about her downplaying her school. He had a gorgeous office, with high ceilings, books and bars of chocolate strewn about various tables. There was a large wardrobe and about three cups of discarded tea resting on a nearby trunk.

“This is a gorgeous office,” you said, sitting on the corner of one of the large trunks. Your fingers ran over a long skeleton candle that rested on his desk. 

“Thank you,” Remus said, setting his book down and standing so his body was between your legs, “can I get you a cup of tea?”

“You could get me something else,” you pulled Remus down by the collar of his sweater until his face was level with yours and you kissed him hard. He kissed you back, pulling at the hem of your shirt until it was up and over your head. You stood and had to extend your neck all the way to account for the distance between you and him. His large hands went down to cup your breasts, gently. You realized that his hands were shaking. You pulled back and gave Remus a small smile. 

“We don’t have to,” you said, softly, “if you don’t want to.”

“No,” Remus said with a light shake of his head, “I do want to. I’m just a bit nervous. You’re so beautiful.”

“Oh Professor Lupin,” you said, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips, “you are quite a charmer.”

Remus lifted your head with his finger and kissed you again. You helped him out of his sweater this time and saw the long, thin pale scars that traced around his chest like the ones on his face. You kissed along Remus’s jawline and down his neck to his chest. Remus threw his head back and exhaled a soft moan. 

You kissed down Remus’s chest until your nose bumped against his belt buckle. He looked down and you and gave you a small nod. You unbuckled his belt and kissed up and down his length. Remus released a strangled moan and you placed a bit of pressure on his balls. 

“You can be loud for me,” you said before taking a deep breath and taking as much of him as you could into your mouth. 

“Oh fuck,” Remus gasped, gripping the edge of his desk. You continued blowing him until Remus’s breathing picked up and you pulled off. Remus whimpered softly and looked at you as you stood and slipped out of your own pants. You moved Remus so he was standing over you while you had your back to the desk and you hoisted yourself on, spreading your legs wide and dropping your panties to the floor. 

“Come on Professor Lupin,” you said with a smile, “dive right in.” 

Remus grabbed you by the waist and spun you around, pushing your front into the desk harshly. You felt him rubbing the head of his cock against your folds before pushing in deeply. You moaned and grasped for purchase on the desk. Remus’s fingers dug into your hips as he snapped his hips against you, again and again and again. 

His lips attached themselves to your neck and one of his large hands left your hip to grasp harshly at your tit. 

“Rub your clit,” he rasped. You started rubbing your clit rapidly, your moans jumping off the cavernous walls. Remus came and you came after moaning and sweating. Remus stayed inside you, resting his head against your shoulder. 

Remus left for a moment to nip to the toilets and you tried to apparate out of his office and back to your room in Hogsmeade but couldn’t. You didn’t feel that drunk, why couldn’t you apparate?

“You can’t apparate inside Hogwarts, so stop trying. You look like you’re going to pop a blood vessel.” Remus said, walking back in and holding a bar of chocolate out to you. 

“Thanks,” you took a bite from the chocolate and smiled at Remus. He walked you back to Hogsmeade and left you standing in front of your tavern with a lingering kiss and a bar of chocolate. 

Paris 

Everyone had always talked about dirty Paris was and you had honestly considered cutting it from your program altogether. Sitting on Rue Victor Hugo at a cafe with a croissant and the deepest, creamiest hot chocolate you had ever tasted as you took in the sights and sounds of the French capital, you were very happy that you decided to keep Paris on your list. You were even happier to watch the various European men make their way to and from work and pass by the cafe in their tailored suits, finely pressed trousers, smart sweaters, and loafers. You looked around you for a moment before snapping your fingers to light your joint. You waved your hand a second time to disguise your joint as a cigarette-a trick you had learned from one of your friends at Ilvermorny.  Lily would have had a cow had she known that you were smoking weed in public, but she what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

“Une autre chocolat chaud s’il vous plait,” another hot chocolate please you gestured at the waitress. She came around with a fresh cup and you set your sights on a very attractive man who looked a bit out of place. He had rode up on a motorcycle and took his helmet off, securing it to the bike. His ran a slender, ring covered hand through his long dark and shook his head as he got off the bike. He was wearing an expensive looking leather jacket with a thin dark t-shirt underneath, a pair of distressed looking jeans, and a pair of Doc Martens. He took his jacket off to reveal thin, winding tattoos on his arms and chest. You hoped he would cross the street and take one of the seats at the cafe. He was digging around in his jean pockets for a cigarette when another boy turned the corner onto the street of the cafe. The other boy looked quite a bit like the motorcycle boy but…cleaner. He was wearing a tailored pair of trousers, a crisp white button down, and a smart jacket. His dark curls were nicely styled and his thin, long fingers gestured down quickly so the cigarette between the motorcycle boy’s fingers fell to the ground. One of the second boy’s crisp loafers stamped on the cigarette and he pursed his lips. 

“Sirius, what are you doing?” The second boy shook his head.

“Shove off Reg,” motorcycle boy, Sirius, said, raking a hand through his hair. 

“Don’t call me that. My name is Regulus, you know that. You can’t keep running, Sirius. It isn’t sustainable.” Regulus looked at Sirius with an expression of pity.

“I just…I don’t care about it, Reg. I don’t care about any of it. You’re better at this anyway. You can deal with all that family stuff better than I can. Just let me grab a coffee and a cigarette and I’ll see you later.” Sirius did not wait for Regulus to respond. He marched across the street to the cafe you were at and you had to force yourself to pretend you were very interested in your menu. Regulus sighed and threw his hands in the air before coming back the way he came. 

“Madame, un cafe. Merci.” Ma’am, a coffee. Thanks. Sirius barked at the waitress. 

“Oui Monsieur.” Yes sir. The waitress responded, rolling her eyes. 

“Do you always eavesdrop?” Sirius asked, taking a seat at the table next to yours. 

“Sorry,” you shrugged, “you and that other guy put on quite a show.”

“Oh my brother Regulus? Yes we’re quite the pair.” Sirius rolled his eyes as the waitress set down his coffee. He took a sip and then paused. 

“Something wrong with your coffee?” You asked.

“You’re smoking weed.” He said, sniffing in your direction. 

“How do you know that?” You asked. 

“You’re a witch, aren’t you.” Sirius grinned at you.

“So you must be a wizard then.” You laughed. 

“You have to teach me that trick,” Sirius moved his chair so it was close to yours. You ran your tongue the bottoms of your front teeth.

“I bet I could teach you a lot.” 

Turns out that Sirius got off on pissing off his family so in hindsight it wasn’t all that surprising that he took you back to his family’s chateau in the middle of the afternoon. They were gone, out, at some event but Sirius pulled you to the middle of the drawing room in front of a roaring fireplace. You sat down on the rug and took in the warmth and glow of the fire. 

“So you’re a rich boy, then?” You said teasingly as Sirius pulled off his shirt and laid down in front of the fireplace with you. 

“Filthy rich,” Sirius responded, pulling you close to him and connecting his lips with yours. You did not break apart as he laid you down in front of the fire, pulling off your clothes with an animalistic intensity. Sirius was devouring you, his teeth and tongue all over your face, neck, and tits. He barely prepared you at all, just pushing in without warning. Your nails pressed into his shoulder blades as you looked at him, ready to snap about his hasty action when his thumb began rubbing hard on your clit. You had your legs wrapped around him as you were biting his collarbone to keep from moaning. 

Sirius pulled out of you and flipped you over so you were on top and he turned you so you were facing away from him. 

“Get loud baby. Use me,” he said, his hands planted firmly on your hips as you sunk down on him. You were moaning intensely as you moved up and down, the new position providing a new angle for you. You came hard, your fingers searching for purchase on the rug as Sirius fucked you through your orgasm. 

“Are you close?” You turned back to look at Sirius. He looked gorgeous, his sweaty curls plastered in his forehead and his hands heavy on your waist, a look of concentration in his eyes. 

“Uh, not yet.” He barked out, a vein popping in his forehead. 

“Spread your legs a little further,” You said, pushing at Sirius’s ankles. He did what you said and you sucked on your finger for a moment before pushing it between his cheeks and into his asshole. Sirius was moaning loudly now. It sounded like a name or something, he was moaning “Moony” over and over again. He was so loud that you didn’t hear the door open and notice people entering the house until Sirius was cumming intensely inside you as Regulus and a woman who could have only been Sirius’s mother were glaring down at you. You gathered your clothes quickly and apparated out before Sirius had finished lighting his cigarette. 

Massachusetts 

You were exhausted and thoroughly ready to sleep in your own bed by the time you arrived back home. You threw your trunk by the front door and called out, 

“I’m back witches!” 

Lily, Marlene, and Mary swarmed you, peppering you with hugs and kisses and beginning to hear all about your travels and see the souvenirs you brought back for them. You filled them in and by the time you were talking about your escapades with the athlete, the professor, and the heir, you were even more ready for bed. 

“Well have a good night darling. Also I’m so sorry but I used the last tampon a few hours ago, I’m going to nip to the shops in the morning,” Mary said. 

“Leave it to Mary to use the last period product in this house knowing full well that we’ve all been synced for the past few years.” Marlene playfully tossed a pillow at Mary. 

“Wait,” something dropped in your stomach, “you’re all on your period? Right now?” 

“Yeah, started two days ago. Why? You haven’t started yours?” Lily asked. 

“No. No I haven’t.” You started chewing your lip, “Anyone have a pregnancy test?”

“In the last drawer of the bathroom,” Mary pointed out as you shot up out of your seat to take the test. Your leg bounced anxiously as you waited to see the results of the test.

“Okay love, I’m sure your period is just all messy from traveling and-oh my…” Lily’s jaw dropped as she looked at your positive test,

“Who’s the father?” Marlene asked. 

“I…uh…I have no idea.” You said as you thought back to the athlete, the professor, and the heir.

[dragontamer05]

Look Below for pictures (and slight description for those unfamiliar)

You can vote/pick one based on what ever criteria you want. Which one you like best/ think you'd like, Which one you know, anything.

The Poll isn't for anything in particular beyond fun and just in general wonder what people think of these.

Though feel free to say where you are from in the tags / or comments if you reblog.

Poutine

A classic. Fries smothered in Gravy with cheese curds. Total comfort food.

Nanimo Bars

Delicious three layer sweet treat- Wafer, nut and coconut crumb base, custard icing in the middle with a chocolaty top layer. So sweet but so good

Butter Tarts

As the name suggests a very buttery pastry. Butter Sugar Syrup and Egg filling (frequently made with raisins or pecans)

All Dressed Chips

A wild combination of flavours that sounds kinda gross (imo) but honestly tastes pretty good. ketchup, barbecue sauce, sour cream and onion, and salt & vinegar. (Seriously I don't know how but it works and they balance each other out)

Beaver Tails

Long/ stretched out pieces of Fried Dough that well look like Beaver Tails. Basically topped with anything sweet. Basically and elongated version of the similar fried dough treat Elephant Ears

Jos Louis

Delicious Chocolaty snack that are NOT the same as Moon Pies. These are very soft kinda cake like in texture - compared to a Moon Pies more like cookie sorta thing.

Smarties

No they aren't just "M&Ms" For one Smarties Came first- technically started in the UK but they're a pretty strong staple of Canadian Snacks so it gets a pass.

Maple Syrup on a Stick / Maple Taffy

Exactly as advertised, hot liquid maple syrup poured on a stick over clean snow (or just directly into spots made in the snow) once cooled and hardened you eat.

[sgiandubh]

The Couple Next Door - a very, very short overview and my 50 cents, in the process

With as little spoilers as possible. My first plan was to make a post per episode, but I quickly realized that would be useless (so much talking, already, plus a very plethoric press ) and risky (the more you write about it, the less able you are to avoid spoiling it and no, that is not this page's editorial line). You will have to do with this short review, instead.

This is the story of a botched swinger coupling experiment, somewhere in the middle of a non-descript, Truman Show-esque Midlands suburbia. Where nothing is what it seems to be and curtains always flutter for a reason. Adjacent storylines complement this sexy & risqué core, which I personally found more interesting than S puffing and panting on top of Tomlinson. Corruption, life crisis situations, lost late pregnancies, a hidden child, bigot parents looking not unlike Grant Wood's American Gothic odd couple (especially the mother, enough spoiling it), voyeurism and privacy violations - this is a LOT to take in. With a bit more tact when it comes to script writing (sometimes things are really in your face and almost didactic: never a good thing), it could have been BAFTA material. It is not, and no, Disgruntled Tumblrettes - not because of S, but because of numerous plot holes, useless plot devices that could have been gags but totally miss the mark (walking little old lady, anyone?) and an overall superficial approach. It's like trying to cram half a dressing into a carry on: burst at the seams it will or you will end up with odd bits and pieces that do not necessarily make sense.

So if you set your bar very high or are poised to watch it in contempt, this is not going to be fun at all. If you have no expectations and also no idea about the rest of the cast, you will find it interesting and enjoyable. I personally think Enoch is a perfect cast, as is the very intelligent Jessica de Gouw: she knows how it's done and she knows where and especially when to stop. Tomlinson, eh - not so much. I have zero idea about how she fared in Poldark, but here I found her inattentive, formulaic and totally cliché. She has some good intuitions, but she fails to deliver, especially at the end. So, that's a 4/10 for me.

Now for S, as I am sure you are all interested to know. After all, this is why I even bothered watching and getting a paid VPN for it. I will say only this: there is a before Episode 3 and an after Episode 3, by far superior. You'll get my point when you watch it. It's not OL, but thank Heavens, it's not Where the Starlight Ends, either. With all the indulgence in the world, I'd say 8,5/10 - not his fault, the script was brutal to Danny ('Take a good look' is a major, MAJOR eyeroll and it did make me spit my Coke). Also, that intergalactic arse makes it on screen for about 5 minutes, which is nothing- so long for Mordor's honest reviews. Last but not least: he tried, bless his heart, to help Eleanor, but to no avail. Sorry.

The most interesting secondary storyline is Alan's, by far. The press shite - meh, that was there just to give Enoch's character a job, I suppose. And the child - it left me completely hungry and there was definitely room for more.

Rewatch? Christ, no.

Overall? a solid 7/10.

Recommend? not to my mum, but to my best -offline shipper- friend, for sure. She'll watch for S and we'll cackle over the phone.

Potential springboard? I hope so, but he still needs a real, well written role. This is decently good, but still not good enough to showcase what I know he is perfectly able to deliver.

Home eye candy takeaway? Oh, come on, the one involving this item:

I mean, what is more sexy than a bear of a man carrying a washing machine like I would carry my purse?

[tf2heritageposts]

There is: (i got too excited and it's a bit long sorry)

What kind of brazillian foods/drinks the mercs would like the most

Scout:

He would love any kinds of street foods, his favorite ones would be coxinha, a fried snack stuffed with chicken; Hot dogs in the São Paulo way, they usually have mashed potatoes, corn, peas and shoestring potatoes above (with ketchup and mustard, of course) and pastel, a fried dough (the texture is similar to a puff pastry) that can have many kinds of fillings, the most usual one is mozzarella cheese. He also would love eat this while drink sugarcane juice (it's a classical combo).

Soldier:

This one is funny, bc in my head all the other mercs had to lie to him that they were getting 100% american food so he could at least try some, and he keep eating it without knowing the thruth. His favorite ones would also be ones of the most iconical ones, by irony of the destiny, such as feijoada and pão de queijo. He would also love farofa (is made either with corn or cassava, braised with oil and can have diverses other igredients too) but since Soldier is build diferently, insted of eating it as a side dish he just cook a huge ass pan of farofa and eat all of it with a spoon.

Pyro:

He would love brigadeiro, because is sweet as him (awwn). He would love churrasco (brazilian barbecue), so much that he, engineer and sniper would be the ultimate churrasqueiros of the team (however only engineer and sniper are alowed to touch on the grill since the incident). From the many things that can be made in a churrasco, Pyro likes garlic bread the most (because it gets burned at outisde really quickly but still ok to eat). The last thing from his list would be cuscuz paulista, recipe that blend corn flour and many other igredients, and that people from other brazilian states keep saying its ugly but THATS UNTRUE YALL JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT - me, a sad paulistana.

Engineer:

As said before, he would love churrasco, and any kind of red meat should be his favorite (picanha, striploin…). He would also like the local beer options and condensed milk pudding (pudim). No special rasion on the last one (besides giving all the mercs at least 3 itens).

Demoman:

He would LOVE drinking cachaça (alchoolic drink made with sugarcane) and caipirinha as well (drink made with cachaça, lime, sugar and ice). For eat, his favorite food should be torresmo (pork skin with fat cut into small pieces and fried until crispy), that is also a good side dish in brazilian bar's.

Heavy:

His first favorite option would be estrogonofe, wich is actually a brazilian version of a russian recipe (stroganoff), with some alterations. He would also enjoy virado à paulista (plate composed of a beans and cassava flour mix, together with pork chop, tuscan sausage, fried egg, braised cabbage and a piece of breaded banana), it's a really big meal to a really big guy. Finally, he would go for "caipiroska" for drinking, with is a caipirinha variation but with vodka in the place of cachaça (wich i didn't know existed until i started writing this kkkkkk)

Medic:

Cuca de banana (a cake with bananas and a sugar & cinnamon on top) would be one of his favorite desserts (it also has a germanic origin i also didn't knew kkkkkk). He also would like specific foods from Bahia, such as Acarajé (dumpling made from black-eyed pea dough, onion and salt, and fried in palm oil, can be stuffed with shrimp or other options of filling) and cocada (candy made with coconut), but I can't specify why yet bc it envolves a headcanon/AU i'm still making and i want it to be a silly surprise, i'll edit here once it's done.

Sniper:

The last one of the ultimate churrasqueiros, his favorite item would be chiken's hearts. Aparently pumpkings are very used in australian culinary, so i like to imagine he would also like doce de abobora (dessert made with pumpking). Finally, i guess tapioca (cassava gum, can be fried like a pancake and stuffed to taste, among other uses) just suits him idk.

Spy:

He would love Carolina (looks like a éclair, but is smaller, rounder, and filled with dulce de leche) and sonho (fried dough, usualy filled with vanilla cream and with sprinkled sugar above. The name of this recipe translate to "dream" in a literal form btw kkkkk). Ending this list, Spy would enjoy queijo com goiabada (a slice of minas cheese thogeter with a slice of guava paste).

Thank you for reading until here, and sorry if i made you fell hungry hihihi

holy shit this is so good

also i want carolina that looks so good

i also want the sugarcane drinks, please god i’ll do anything

[darkened-storm]

Truth Or Dare

Written as part of my prep for Mayblade, a team bonding scene prior to the Bladebreakers match with the Demolition Boys

— — —

In the hours after they returned from the lake and after they’d all thawed out from the cold, the Bladebreakers gathered in their hotel room with snacks Kai had fetched them from the closest convenience store.

“Take all my rupees,” Tyson had declared. “I offer it all in the name of snacks.”

Tyson’s cash had been enough for two whole boxes of snacks, including popcorn, American candy and an assortment of Russian delicacies that Steph had never seen before, but she quickly recognised the picture of a peppermint leaf on a chocolate bar and snatched it up.

Becky found a bowl and popped the popcorn in the microwave. “Let’s play truth or dare,” she suggested.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Steph said hesitantly. “We need to concentrate on being a team tonight, not almost killing each other.”

“Aww, don’t be a buzzkill,” Tyson jeered, nudging her in the ribs gently to assure her he was only teasing. “Daring your friends to do reckless stuff is how some of the best friendships are made.”

“He has a point,” Ray agreed with a shrug. “But maybe we should agree now that no one gets dared to steal anything.”

“Fair point,” Max agreed, “can’t beat the Demolition Boys from prison.”

“Unless they end up in prison too,” Becky added. “Oooh, that’s an idea…”

“No,” Kai said, in his most serious, no nonsense voice. “No one is going to jail. But otherwise Truth of Dare is a good idea.”

Steph scowled at him. “I warned you,” she said.

It wasn’t as terrible as she thought it would be. They learned the truth about Ray’s fear of werewolves, dared Tyson to eat his popcorn out of his hat and Max was forced to stuff as many Oreos in his mouth as he could at once. After almost choking down the last one, he rounded on Steph.

“Steph’s up,” he declared, far too cheerfully for the Italian beyblader’s liking. “Truth or dare?”

Steph hesitated, then as she caught sight of Becky, looking far too happy as she munched on a handful of popcorn, a wicked idea occurred to her. “Truth,” she said and grinned. “Becky’s not a real blonde.”

Tyson, Max and Ray gasped and the room fell silent as Becky looked up, her hand buried into the popcorn bucket. She met Steph’s gaze, and for a fleeting moment, Steph wondered if she might have gone a step too far. Then all of a sudden, Becky raised her popcorn filled hand and launched the popped kernals in her cousin’s direction and chaos ensued.

“Blasphemy!” Becky roared as popcorn went everywhere and Steph ducked behind Tyson, using his body as a shield.

“Why am I getting dragged into this?” Tyson yelped helplessly.

“I call foul play!” Becky went on, this time upending the entire bucket of popcorn on top of them both. “The truth is supposed to be about you!” She whirled around, empty popcorn bucket in hand causing both Max and Ray to duck for cover as she turned to their captain for reason. “Referee, a decision please?”

Kai took a moment to deliberate then, with a wicked grin, declared, “I’ll allow it.”

“TRAITOR!” Becky bellowed, and launched the popcorn bucket at her captain.

“Oho,” Ray winced sympathetically as Kai swore, ducking behind the couch as Becky descended on him, taking up a cushion as her new weapon. “He’s caused a mutiny.”

“Guess that means we have a decision to make,” Max decduced, as he too took up a pillow. Then he grinned at his teammates. “Well, are we a team or not?”

Tyson, Ray and Steph exchanged glances, then in silent agreement they nodded and armed themselves with pillows and blankets (and even a bag of skittles in Steph’s case.

“MUTINY!” Tyson bellowed as he led the charge, Becky cheering madly.

Kai realised his mistake all too late as he covered his head with his arms as the onslaught began. “Guys, wait - let’s talk about this!” he wailed helplessly.

But it was no use, he realised dismally. After the incident at the lake, the Bladebreakers were indeed a team, and a force to be reckoned with. As Kai was pelted with pillow after pillow and skittles rained from the ceiling, he knew for certain that whatever the Demolition Boys threw at them tomorrow, they would face it as a tea

[kagender]

I wonder What is Keronian Cusine like? And would keronians as a whole like earth foods?

ohhh nonny keronian cuisine is definitely something i need to go into deep deep thoughts about! i would say its not as developed as id like it to be, id love to draw out specific dishes and stuff.

the complicated fun of the cuisine of space faring species us the fact that they almost definitely brought over, or took inspiration from the foods of other planets, if demeed edible for a keronian. like how in america several dishes from other countries got modified into more "americanized" forms, as we as humans all have different ways of preparing our food to out tastes, which can also vary from region to region... this opens up the world of dishes from other countries within keron itself as well LOL. i need to think about that too!

but im running my mouth off. in my interpretations keronian diets started off as primarily insect-based, with fruit/plants as the secondary component (i know that there arent actually any herbivorous frogs on our earth, but since these guys are aliens i do loove playing around with their biology haha :-)) and then meat being thrown in a bit later on. kerons love for insects still goes strong - you can find them candied/carmalized, fried or breaded for more of the crunch factor, spiced or sweetened, however you like, larvae toasted or boiled (you can get a glimpse of one in my girodoro pmv - its a little lightly sweet tasting guy usually eaten at campfires. gross marshmallows for us humans) limbs of particularly large insects being sold as snacks (one of keroros disappointments when coming to earth was finding out just how small the average insect is there. i have a doodle somewhere. pekopon has fallen...) and insides being grinded up to a nice cream and such. thats a tadpole food mainly, but i dont see why grown keronians cant eat it!

you can imagine that being combined with fruit (well. vegetables too. the two blend together in my head due to the nature of being a Thing From Plant That You Eat) a plenty, i think plenty of bugs are fed with them before being prepared (iirc thats a thing that we do, people give their feeder insects vegetables for a more nutritous meal for their pet later on... its called gut loading!), which reminds me that i imagine zeroro being fed the healthiest, top-quality and absolutely fully sanitized and parasite-free bugs as a kid. hes got a rich as fuck family they couldve hired a private farm for all i know. its funny to think about. but coming back to plant stuff, i imagine juices and teas would be a hit as well, there is a doodle i posted a while (...about a year) ago that shows a tea made from glowing leaves from another glowing plant post that i made. the ziv stuff goes deep im sorry. ya think it stains tongues like those ice pops they sold back in the day? makes you think....

fruit alone just opens up so much for the world of baking. i dont like fruit in my pastries, but i definitely respect the grind. we put that stuff in everything in so many forms its kinda wild. just imagine all the cutesy designs that could be made for them...

in the anime, they are very much shown to like and eat earth foods, in fact i dont think a lot of alien food shows up other than like, these weird food monsters, burei cola aka kid friendly alcohol, the keron figs from kero zero (love them...) and the yumyum bars from a chibi kero episode that are like, just chocolate bars i believe? i could throw in some funny quirk to them myself i think....

i do recall them eating foods that are oretty much 1:1 to earths in chibikero? the lame side us that no one on the staff really thought about designing any cool space stuff for them to eat, but the cool side is that it can imply some importing from earth. ya think thete are some sellers who just casually work with aliens or is it a weird process of an alien disguising as human -> getting the foods -> getting them to their planet? i like to lean more towards the former since the earth in keroro gunso just really seems to have a bunch of weird connections to aliens outside of the main cast. most of them are from the past (the pyramids where sababa rests, all the kiruru ruins, the unknown human and keronian from the saburo and kururu episode where they fight the sound guy, and i think the kappa the ghost girl knew is implied to be a keronian... but i havent really watched those episodes) but i definitely dont doubt that they still have connections in the modern times. its a lot of fun to think about when it comes to interplanetary trade.

i always had just a biiit of beef with how keronians just settle in with earth foods and other things so casually, i really wish they were a bit more like irkens where plenty things that are ordinary to use pose harm to them. but also kg doesnt have the same gross aspect as iz does so i can understand why they didnt do that. no keroro getting horrid burns from baloney for me....

but oh my god i ran my mouth off. tdlr; i need to draw more frog food, which is mostly bugs, also yes they eat earth stuff and earth import sounds cool

[uyuiuyui2]

15 tiips to avoid the Freshman 15 (and the rest of your college weight gain)

Hello, future college students of America. First off, you’re annoying and I hate you. You’re about to be thrust into the blissfully independent lifestyle of the American college student. Of course, there’s a kicker when it comes to the most fun 4-6 years of your life, the dreaded Freshman 15 (followed for some of us by the Sophomore 10, the Junior 17, and the whopping Senior 25) . It’s damn near impossible to avoid, between late night pizza places on every corner, and the obscene quantities of alcohol you’ll consume. You’re probably about to blow up like Betty Francis did in the last season of Mad Men. As a survivor of the Freshman 15, here are some simple things you can do to try to avoid packing on the pounds like I did.

1. Think about the fact that if you get fat as shit then you no longer get to have sex with hot people. That’s not to say that you won’t hook up anymore, but the quality of your sexual partners will likely dip with every pound you put on. Hot people only have sex with other hot people. That’s just as constant a law as gravity. Pretty sure Newton wrote about it.

2. Your five-minute walk to class does not constitute exercise, and that walk will get a little harder with every roll your stomach gains. Hit the gym every once in a while. Losing weight is absurdly easy in your late teens and early 20s. Try to build that habit now, otherwise you’ll end up the fat guy in his thirties huffing and puffing on a treadmill and sweating up a storm. 

3. If you’re eating after 10pm and you’re not drunk, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself when you can’t fit into any of your clothes at Christmas break.

4. Get in a shit ton of trouble. You’ll have run a marathon’s worth of distance from the cops in no time at all. Burns calories, and gives you great stories to tell over lunch.

5. Picture the disgust on people’s faces when you take your shirt off on Spring Break. Hell, picture the looks on your frat brothers’ faces when you take your shirt off to chug one more beer at the tailgate - trust me on this, they’re laughing at you, not with you.

6. None of your future pledges will be able to take you seriously as a hard ass if you’re a fat ass. There’s a difference between “intimidating power gut” and just being a tub of lard.

7. Mix in a salad or soup every once in a while. Stay away from the regular lunch buffet every now and then. If you eat the garbage that your house chef or dining hall cook puts out on the buffet every night, you’re going to put on some serious pounds. 

8. Everyone is gaining weight, so it’s easy to get caught up in the “everyone’s doing it” excuse. Bullshit. Yeah, everyone’s gaining weight, but that’s no excuse to make a second trip to the fro-yo machine. Also, frozen yogurt is not healthier than ice cream, especially when you load absurd amounts of chocolate and candy on top, idiots.

9. Walk everywhere. Walk to the bars, walk to class, walk to your hookup buddy’s house at 3am. Ideally you’ll be too drunk to drive anywhere safely anyway.

10. Watch an episode of The Biggest Loser before every meal. Imagine someone filming you eating the meal you’re about to eat in slow motion with sad piano music in the background. Opt for some fruit or something not deep fried instead of a heaping pile of fries.

11. Eat with members of the opposite sex. Your grody frat bros are likely to cheer you on and encourage you to slam a fifth slice of pepperoni pizza dripping with grease, but the co-eds from Kappa Delta will make it clear that they’re judging you. In a perfect world, power-eating would be a potent aphrodisiac, but it isn’t. It’s just gross.

12. Don’t eat when you’re stressed out. Head to the gym or go on a quick run to release powerful endorphins that will make you feel good. It’s science. Check it out.

13. Imagine that first piece of XL clothing you’ll have to buy. S-L are normal-sized person clothes and you’re about to enter the world of Big & Tall. If you need extra motivation, walk through a Big and Tall store and take note of the guys who shop there - without some serious willpower, you’ll end up just like them in no time. That’s embarrassing.

14. Try a high fiber diet - processed foods are the cheapest and quickest way to widen your waistline. Fiber is scientifically proven to keep you feeling fuller longer so you won’t keep reaching your fat stubby fingers into the potato chip bag. 

15. Do tons of drugs and never sleep.

Look, the Freshman 15 is almost completely unavoidable, and obviously I’m kidding about several of these tips. You’re going to gain weight, no matter what. There’s food and booze at your beck and call at all hours of the day, no parents to tell you “no” and plenty of peer pressure. That said, you get those 15 pounds. That’s the house money given to you when you walk in the door. After that, you’re on the hook for becoming a disgusting human being. In reality, if you work out three or four days a week and watch what you eat every couple of days, you should be fine.

Of course, we all received this good advice when we were in your shoes. It’s more than likely that you’ll disregard the sage wisdom from your elders the same way I did - you’ll think it won’t happen to you, that you couldn’t possibly end up with a big fat beer gut, tits bigger than your first girlfriend’s and jowls that jiggle when you laugh. We’ll be there to clap you on the back and order your first round when you belly up to the bar with us - after all, when was the last time you saw a skinny alum on campus?

[candace-karlsson]

𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐍 “If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough.”

⋆˙✦ 𝔟𝔞𝔰𝔦𝔠𝔰

Name: Stefanie Candace Karlsson Nicknames: Candy, Stefanie Knight Date of Birth: 17 December 1999 [24] Place of Birth: Västerås, Sweden [Swedish-American] Hometown: Brooklyn, NY, USA Current Residences: Manhattan, NY, USA & Monte-Carlo, Monaco Occupation: High-Class Escort "Flight Attendant"

⋆˙✦ 𝔣𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔶

Father: Eric Karlsson † Mother: Caroline Karlsson (née Rosenberg) † Stepfather: Peter Brooks Sibling(s): N/A

⋆˙✦ 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔶

Candace was born Stefanie Karlsson, daughter of Eric and Caroline Karlsson — a middle-class immigrant couple who moved from their hometown of Västerås, Sweden to Brooklyn, New York when Candace was only three years old. They lived a simple life until Candace was five years old, and her father, Eric, died on site of a horrific and tragic car accident. Candace was eleven by the time her mother met Peter Brooks, the man who was to be her second husband. Though he seemed perfect on paper, there was always something off about him. His more sinister side eventually showed itself later on when their mother was caught in a drive-by shooting that left her paralysed. As soon as Candace turned sixteen, she filed for emancipation from Peter who spent more time in bars than by his wife's side. Secretly resorting to sex work, it was the only way she could afford her mother's hospital bills on top of everything else. But by the time her mother passed, Candace was already too deep into the world of drugs and sex to quit. Finding herself in more trouble than she could've ever imagined, she was seconds away from death if it wasn't for the help of an unlikely hero.

⋆˙✦ 𝔱𝔢𝔪𝔭𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱

✓ charismatic, resilient, self-assured ✗ distrustful, greedy, indulgent

⋆˙✦ 𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔳𝔢

N01

DISCLAIMER This account is for roleplaying purposes only and is not associated with any individuals depicted herein. All written content are original works of fiction; any resemblance to existing works and/or characters should be considered coincidental and free of malicious intent. Please do not reproduce/redistribute. Thank you.

[cupidsdescendant]

Mercs X Sweet Tooth G/N!

Hey yall! It’s been a while since I wrote a short head canon list for the mercs and so I decided to write this! I really have been getting into writing actual one shot stories instead of lists so that’s why my posts have been so slow  ^___^ I’m thinking about making a version of this one for the creepy pasta characters to go back to fanfic roots ;-; anyways, g’day! Mwah XOXOXO

Scout:

-Very happy

-“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite one? Really! Mine too!” He takes out your favorite candy in response 

-You both like staying up at 3 am eating random sweets

-The sugar rush hits both of you SOOOOO hard. Running across the fort, double, fuck it, triple jumping all around and screaming violently.

- You both literally laugh at almost every thing the mercs say even if it’s not funny or relevant and both laugh at each other laughing so hard. Your laughs become even wheezier when you both cannot speak and it’s both of you mumbling and laughing and your mumbling.

-Just as much as the rush gets you the crash hits harder than the market crash of 2008. Both of you are literally so tired you guys can’t even get up. Eyes sore, legs weak, body tired, everything hurts after literally sonic speeding everywhere. You both wake up holding each other or spooning <3.

-Instead of a hot steamy cup of coffee in the morning you wake Scout up by sitting on top of him and feeding him lemon heads and sour gummy bears. 

-You like to throw gummies and candies into his mouth during fights just to play around and it helps with a speed boost 

-Although Scout loves candy his favorite is of course: B o n k 

-And you both drink it religiously! At this point you both have it in an IV put up into your veins. 

-Scout and you have so much fun with candy. You both go to candy stores together and have fun picking out candies and sodas. Once you both get home you guys would eat eat eat, lose your mind and sleep for the rest of the night ^___^

Soldier: 

-He doesn’t eat a lot of sweets, but once you give him one he goes a little crazy 

-Once, you gave him a chocolate bar and he rocket jumped to space and didn’t come back for at least 3 days

-Soldier finds you alone eating a 12 pack of mini cupcakes to yourself and he gasps “Dear god!” 

-“mfwhaht-?” Y/N said mouth full of white cake and frosting. CANNIBALISM!!” He screams pointing at you in horror

-“HoW!?” Y/N yelled out, Soldier ran over and ran his hand on Y/N’s chin “My cupcake is eatin’ a cupcake!”

-He loves a good ol' fashion American Cherry pie

-Coke is his favorite drink

-He mostly enjoys milk chocolate and whoppers

-Always makes sure they're made in America

Pyro:

-you know em, Pyro is a maniac for that typa shit. Way even more than Scout

-Give them a jolly rancher and he'll spend half of the time rolling around in circles laughing and banging his head on the wall

-her brain is already filled with sunshine and rainbows but once you add candy- it's full blown candy land

-they like to make you dance a lot when he's hyper on candy! Always spinning you around and around <3

-He likes hoping around too. He acts kinda like a little bunny ;w;

-Pyro and you basically just run around setting everything on fire without a care in the world

-His favorite candy...? All of em! Lollipops and sour-sweet ones are his favorites.

-They propose to you with a ring pop

Demoman:

-he can handle some sweet things but he's not a big fan

-But when you mix a sugar rushed Y/N with a drunk Demo it's alllllllll chaos.

-You both love doing karaoke when you're out of yall's minds, screaming violently to songs or crying to sad ones

-Probably have a super duper upper crazye rap battle too

-When you both crash you find each other on the other sides of the rooms but when you both wake up you go and cuddle.

-You both try and get sober from your addictions but fail and the next weekend is the same lol

-Like I said, Demo doesn't really like candy. The only ones he'd eat is going to be mixed with alcohol or root beer ones

Heavy:

no comment. these are his favorite

Engineer:

-being from the south, he loves moon pies and other pies in general

-Engi loves maple taffy and whenever it's winter time he makes them with the mercs or just enjoys them by himself

-He loooves taffy and Rocky Road!!

-Pie is also his favorite, Pumpkin pie specifically. He always likes to eat it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

-All of the sweet things he eats are always warm and relaxing and so you both like to cozy up together and eat together

-Engineer always has to hold you down when you get a little hyper and he has to tell you to relax

-Gets overwhelmed trying to calm you down and eventually gives up but you decided to sit next to him when you can't find him

Medic:

-always warns you about cavities and tells you not to eat so much sweets

-He usually hides the fact that he eats soo much candy.

-Considering Medic is German he eats mostly German candy and chocolates but he's afraid to admit he likes American candies a lot

-He likes to eat sour candies but his taste in things is a lot more "luxury" and so he eats mostly dark chocolate

-Def the kind of guy to say he's not eating chocolate or candy and have stains all over his clothes and mouth

-Medic's manic-ness and your hyper-ness when you're on a sugar rush is. terrifying. Both of you don't stop and you both cannot.

-Both of you go on the most crazy adventures. Once you both woke up with your limbs detached and the other time you guy's switched bodies

Sniper:

-Sniper doesn't eat sweets. periodt.

-He usually just watches you go coo coo through his rifle and chuckles to himself

-even though he doesn't eat anything sweet he think it's so cute that you love sweets so much

-He goes out his way to always buy you candy when he has the time and his favorite part is holding it while you chomp into it

-Once he saw you eating oreos and he called you cookie monster and you didn't know how to feel

-He's very neutral with everything tbh..

-You always try to convince him to eat it but he just can't do it

-So he'll eat something savory while you eat something sweet so he can interact and hang out with you

Spy:

-He loves chocolate croissants...okay sorry for the french joke lmao

-seriously though he's french! France has the most bomb fucking sweets and desserts ever

-He loves Macarons, Éclairs, Profiterole and crepes

-He also really loves to tell you the history of those desserts and loves sharing his culture with you!!! <3

-He tries to calm you down whenever you have a sugar rush and usually forces you to sit down and eat desserts while he reads to you

-Loves to wipe off the cream or frosting off your face and say some horny french bullshit

-You alwaysssss beg Spy to make French pastries and he reluctantly agrees

-You both spend hours in the kitchen making food together and flirting. It's a really cute moment.

-During breaks or lunch you both eat your pastries together <333

okay so it's been a while since I posted. Hey yall! Hope you like this one <3 stay cute! Mwah xoxoxo

[maaabs]

Indulge in the sweetest selection of American candies at Maaabs. Discover the top American candy bars, nostalgic treats, and unique flavors that will satisfy your cravings. Shop now for a taste of America's finest confections and experience pure sugary bliss.

[leonsliga]

Could you pls post your favourite tiktoks from leon? 💖 I cant find too much content from him 🥺

I thought you’d never ask, anon 💖 it’s truly a tragedy he doesn’t have a tiktok of his own; it definitely makes finding content a little bit harder. Nevertheless, I definitely have quite a few favorites, and I’ll link them by category below the cut:

*this is gonna be an insanely long post…you’ve been warned*

Leon Whoretzka worship

That iconic Hulkretzka moment (brought to you by Bayern herself)

I’m gonna be honest; I’m only looking at your titties right now… (warning: there’s probs gonna be a lot of leongoretzkamalewife on here 😂)

Sexiest transformation in the world? Definitely.

Leon flexing (in more ways than one)

Me? Obsessed with you? Yes.

Still the greatest fit of all time. Completely unrivaled.

Don’t get in strangers’ cars, but when it’s Leon, exceptions must be made…

His titties + this past season’s home kits = heaven 🤤

Because even Leon has to give his biceps the smooches they deserve

He might need his shirt back, but I ain’t giving it to him 🤭

Who doesn’t love a lil striptease?

Leon sweetheart-retzka

What we all mean when we say “Leon Goretzka is our comfort person”

I’m not kidding, if Leon ever looked at me like this it’d be over for me

Remember to dream big kids

“Ohne euch würde die ganze geschichte nicht funktionieren.” 🥹

Bochumer Junge 🥰

Leon takes on the Bundesliga tiktok challenge (in English)

My comfort tiktok

“Die goldene henne.” (Proud papa Leon)

The handoff of the number 8

Leon with a child

Leon Jaha-retzka 😑

Bombastic side eye

“Ich bin halt clever.”

Quarantine brought out the worst in all of us… (someone please give the man his zaubertrank)

Leon’s verdict: biceps not up to par

Everyone’s favorite Scrooge 🥰

It’s hard being an introvert in a world full of extroverts

The enthusiasm radiates off the page truly

Getting up close and personal

He may be riding alone but his heart will go on

“DAS IST DER SIEBEN!!!!”

I want him to scream in my face

Jaha

Cutie pie Leon Adorabl-etzka

Die maus for a reason

Is your smile unparalleled Leon? Ja 📈📉

Soft boi baby

Those eyes…

Dressed to impress, and to make us obsess

On again, off again, love you like oxygen

So you trust him?

God knows he’s the only way to heal now

“Geil alter!”

So much more than a footballer 🥰

Easily in my top 3 Leon soft boi edits

The reason I hold on…

When he renewed with us 🥹

It’s never a cruel summer when he’s around

Just a reminder :)

Can you feeeeeellllll feeeeeeellll my love?

Süße maus

The only time I feel safe…

What do you think got me this far?

Can a person feel like home?

Ja 🕺

Where’d all the time go?

Photocrop challenge 🤪

Leon Lol-retzka

Part-time drill sergeant, part-time proud papa

We love a multitasking king

Money shot babyyyy 🤑

Leon kickstarting his reporting career

“MEISTER SAMMA!!!!”

What did I just watch 😂

He promised us a smile…false advertising

He was sucking on candy the whole time 🤦‍♀️

“Nein” 😵

The crickets are never louder than when someone dares to breathe the word “Holland” in his presence

Best Benji impersonator

He’s an old soul, really…

He’s fucking crazy, but he’s free

You know you’re touch-starved when you start spooning the training materials

Prepare to have your brain chemistry altered…

His road rage is stewing just below the surface

He’s so normal I swear

Rhythm is a dancer 🕺

He was there in spirit

“Brotha from anotha motha” (American accent on point)

Leon just never misses…they don’t call him Leon Scoretzka for nothin’

Goddamn, now I want a Leon Goretzka movie 😩

Prepping for future rap battles by spitting unnecessary bars

Have you learned your alphabet?

Ho ho ho? More like hoe hoe hoe 🎄

The problem child

A wise man once said…

This was groundbreaking 🤯

🎶We’re going to Ibizaaa🎶 🔙 to the island 🏝️

To cuddle or to soullessly pummel: that is the question

I trust you’ll pick the right one 😎

Preparing for his UFC debut

*maniacal laughter intensifies*

Whoever decided to stick Thomas and Leon in the same room is my favorite person…please give them an immediate pay raise thx xoxo

“Bin auch Händler.”

“Auf gar keinen fall.”

🐮

“Das ist doch sicher ein Dorf.”

“Komm let’s go.”

Danke 😑

“Das ist auf gar keinen Fall richtig!!” 😡

I’m ashamed to say I’ve replayed this video an unhealthy amount of times but what am I supposed to do when it legit sounds like he’s moaning

Lockdown brought out a different side of all of us

This was a life or death situation

[rabbitcruiser]

National Hot Fudge Sundae Day

Fudge and ice cream, one of the greatest combos in the world: head to an ice cream parlor, or make your own tasty, creamy, sweet hot fudge sundae at home.

It’s hard to go wrong with ice cream—no matter what you do with it, it seems like it always results in something delicious. Ice cream sandwiches, ice cream cake, milkshakes, ice cream fondue…need we say more? And one of the few things that can make ice cream even better than it is thick, hot, sweet fudge. Fudge and ice cream…if that’s not a reason for celebration, what is?

Learn About National Hot Fudge Sundae Day

National Hot Fudge Sundae Day gives us all the perfect excuse to indulge in this delicious, sweet treat. It is all about celebrating the invention of this dessert, and what better way to celebrate than eating a sundae?

A sundae is simply an ice cream dessert that usually consists of one or more scoops of ice cream, which then has a syrup or sauce on top, with a number of other toppings added. This could be maraschino cherries, peanuts, marshmallows, whipped cream, or sprinkles. We also see a lot of dessert parlours adding chopped up chocolate bars to sundaes today, with everything from popping candy to candyfloss incorporated into the latest inventions.

Of course, a Hot Fudge Sundae needs to have two critical ingredients: hot fudge sauce and ice cream. After this, there are plenty of different adaptions of the treat. Some people add walnuts to their sundae, in order to give the dessert a good crunch.

You can also add fudge pieces or some chocolate drops. If you want to add some fruit into the mix, cherries are often teamed with hot fudge sundaes. Or, why not add some delicious and gooey chunks of brownie? The choice is yours! That’s what makes a sundae so great; it is all about putting your favorite ingredients into one big dessert glass and enjoying the magic it creates!

Record-breaking sundaes

If you thought you were the biggest fan of sundaes, you may have to concede defeat when you read about some of these World Records! For example, the longest sundae was created in March of 2018. It measured more than 4,549 feet long! It was created in College Station at the Spirit of Texas festival.

The most expensive sundae can also be found in the United States. If you are willing to pay $25,000, you can enjoy the world’s most expensive sundae in New York City at Serendipity 3. The owner of Serendipity 3, Stephen Bruce, teamed up with Euphoria, a luxury jeweler, in order to create the Frozen Haute Chocolate sundae.

The sundae included 28 different cocoas, with 14 of the world’s most exotic and expensive cocoas. The dessert, which is spelled with two Rs, is served in a goblet that is lined with edible gold, and it is infused with five grams of edible 23-karat gold. It is then topped with whipped cream, which has more gold on the top. One the side, you will get a La Madeline au Truffle from Knipschildt Chocolatier. This sells for $2,600 per pound.

History of the National Hot Fudge Sundae Day

Why we call sundaes, sundaes is not precisely known, though it is probably simply connected to the fact that ice cream with nuts, sprinkles, fruit, whipped cream and various syrups used to be a treat reserved only for the weekends.

Sundaes first appeared in the early 1900s, and with a few years there were already countless variations of it, such as the Robin Hood sundae, Cocoa Caramel sundae, Black Hawk sundae, Angel Cake sundae, Cherry Dip sundae, Cinnamon Peak sundae, Opera sundae, Fleur D’Orange sundae, Knickerbocker sundae, Tally-Ho Sundae, Bismarck and George Washington sundae, to name but a few.

American-style fudge was first made in Baltimore, Maryland, in 1886, and its popularity soon expanded.

These two delicious foodstuffs were first combined in 1906 at C.C. Browns, an ice cream parlour on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, and the hot fudge sundae was born. Today, even Google recognizes this holiday as an official holiday!

How to celebrate National Hot Fudge Sundae Day

Are you ready to give your taste buds the treat of their lives? If so, National Hot Fudge Sundae Day could be your new favorite holiday! To celebrate it, you could go out to an ice cream parlor to enjoy one, or you could make one yourself.

One fun way to celebrate hot fudge sundae day is to get your friends around and you can all create your own hot fudge sundaes together. Create a station with lots of different toppings, from brownies and popcorn to sprinkles and marshmallows.

You can then all have a lot of fun together making your own creations. This is a great way to spend time with those you love while doing something a bit different to the norm!

So are you ready to celebrate this deliciously sweet little holiday? We know we are!

Source

[royalpain16]

Queen Elizabeth's Favorite Chocolate Biscuit Cake

Just four ingredients

English rich tea biscuits

Look for English rich tea biscuits in larger supermarkets and specialty stores. Cost Plus World Market carries them as well. I used McVities Digestive Biscuits which are very similar to rich tea biscuits. These not too sweet wheat biscuits remind me a little bit of American graham crackers. (some say these are very similar to graham crackers)

butter

granulated sugar

if you happen to have superfine bakers sugar, that’s ideal, but otherwise, regular white sugar will do.

dark chocolate

melted chocolate is used in the filling and also as the icing on top. Honestly use whatever good quality chocolate you like, whether chips, or bar chocolate. Dark chocolate is specified in the original recipe and that’s what I used

Egg (not used is optional)

Method

1. Break or chop the biscuits into pieces. Beat butter and sugar together until fluffy, then beat in melted chocolate. At this point the British recipe has you beat in a raw egg, but I left that out.

2. Fold in the biscuit pieces so that everything is evenly blended.

3. Fill prepared cake pan, cover with plastic, and refrigerate until chilled and firm.

4. Invert cake out onto a rack. Remove plastic wrap.

5. Pour melted chocolate over cake and spread over top and sides with an offset spatula.

6. Allow the chocolate to set up at room temperature, and slice.

This cake is vey good, and unique, at least as far as American desserts go. It’s quite rich, so thin slices are best. It actually reminds me of a KitKat candy bar, in cake form! I hope you give it a try, I think you’ll love it like I did.

From the British royal kitchen

Chocolate biscuit cake is Queen Elizabeth’s favorite cake ~ she would take a small slice every day with her tea, until the cake was finished, and then she’d start on a fresh one! She reportedly had her chefs bring along this special chocolate cake wherever she traveled, and the cake was so popular in the royal family that it was Prince William’s groom’s cake at his wedding to Kate Middleton.

[dustedmagazine]

2022: Patrick Masterson

Photos by Patrick Masterson

I.

We filter in slowly. Given Sleeping Village is a stroll down the block, it’s inevitable I’m on the early side, but the place is already humming with anticipation by the time I walk in. I order a beer and head to an open booth tucked away in back, where I’m greeted one after the other by guys I call friends and co-workers, an agreeable mix of dudes from two generations. We do some bridge-building as they appear, figure out a couple of us have been to the same shows over the decades and not realized it, y’know, the usual time-killing.

As if this table weren’t proof enough, I look up at one point and note who’s loitering around the bar area: Though a modest youthfulish contingent exists, tonight’s a veritable Post-Punk Dads’ Prom, which in March of 2022 indicates one of two things — and since Wet Leg already came through at the beginning of the month, it could only mean we’re here to see Yard Act play the final date of their first U.S. tour.

Evidently, nothing unites Former Cool Guys on a drizzly night out like a little “angular” guitar and a chatty Loiner with a chip on his shoulder. In a year that would turn out to be studded with top-tier post-punk throwbacks, Yard Act are already ahead of the pack at this point with The Overload’s January release. Coming off a string of Rough Trade-endorsed singles, an EP and a full-length establishing James Smith’s wry, politically minded verbosity over the complementary supporting trio of Ryan Needham’s bass, Jay Russell’s drums and Sam Shjipstone’s guitar, the band is confident rolling into their final stateside set. Just a few days before, they’d played Fallon and announced their arrival to whatever audience still cares about late night TV. I have no idea who that is because I haven’t had cable since 2008 and can’t think of anyone else who does, either, but all the same, it’s sold out.

It comes out in varying degrees depending on the song, but the major takeaway from a live Yard Act set is just how fucking funny they are — more so even than on record. Bands that have decent between-song banter are pretty rare in my experience, usually limited to mumbled thanks or obfuscated in-jokes. Not these guys: Arriving to the stage juiced on whatever the rider offered backstage and clearly fixing to close this tour out in a blaze of minor glory, Smith’s amicable observational prodding immediately endears him to the crowd. Between riffs on deep dish, American candy and overly long, underexplained stories from the road, the band kills, rifling through a grab bag of choons from their limited discography. They’re tight when the music’s going and loose when it’s not. The natural rapport between Needham and Smith is evident as the former keeps the latter — ever more glassy-eyed and garrulous as the set carries on — in check. Years put in with the likes of lesser NME fodder like Post War Glamour Girls and Menace Beach make plain this is not their first rodeo. They can handle us — and do, playing everything everyone wants to hear at just the right levels of volume and sneering, smirking aggression. It’s a thing of beauty. No one leaves unhappy.

I walk home thinking I might’ve just seen my favorite show of the year — and were it not for Yves Tumor the very next night, I’d be correct. I have some spring in my step now, too, and not just on account of the season: I’m about to embark on a massive project at work that got dumped on me the month before and I’m dreading it, but that aside, my personal life slowly feels like it’s crystallizing and I’m having a great week, a great month, fuck, I’m having a great year. How many people can say that in 2022? How many people are riding this kind of high right now? How many people can look up at the sky and feel like the stars are aligned, each one exactly in its right place burning back at them?

It’s hard to be cautious when everything feels like it’s slowly making the sense you always thought was there, but I keep trying to talk myself down from the ledge of this good mood anyway. Still: How real it feels, how unyielding the truth of it seems.

II.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have believed you without seeing it for myself, but there’s something both viscerally funny and viscerally stupid witnessing with your own eyes how we really did fuck it up: Iceland is green and Greenland is ice. That’s what’s running in and out of my head on the second leg of a return journey from Helsinki, where I’ve just been for an extended early August weekend because I’m an idiot who’s wholly incapable of taking a nice, normal, relaxing vacation somewhere with beaches and 500-page books you can read in two nights and big meals wearing bad shirts with bogus floral prints. No, my idea of a good time is winging it in a country where I don’t speak a lick of the language — don’t even pretend to understand how declensions work there, frankly — and all the words on the signs are too long and I don’t like seafood so I’m probably never going to be a good fit for the place even though it may as well be Michigan for how it looks and I realize too late my SIM card doesn’t work but Instagram still does for some dumb reason and what the fuck am I paying T-Mobile, an international conglomerate that recently bought out Sprint and changed my bill but not my capability, all this money for every month, anyway? Why did I have to rely on an old high school acquaintance, who’s really my brother’s friend’s brother, to get around via e-scooter in Estonia? Why can’t I just shut up and take in a scenic mountain or the quiet crash of an ocean view like a normal person?

On this plane, it feels less draining to imagine Iceland and Greenland are called opposite things. That I can handle.

Before I boarded back in Finland, where I managed one last European pint at the airport bar that was alarmingly close to my gate, I sent one of the longest text messages I’ve ever written, one I spent practically the whole summer composing. Through visits to new breweries, a jaunt to Indiana to check out the Bob Ross museum and set a Guinness record applying a new coat to the world’s largest ball of paint, discovering I hate driving Teslas, Wisconsin, wherever, there it sat idling on my phone — fully formed coming out of my dreams every morning, unfinished in new and unique ways every night before bed. I’d read the fragments over and over again, sleeping on hidden arcs and previously unconsidered angles, gradually edging toward some kind of conclusion, if not resolution. You can’t know what happens after you push send, but I’d been here before; I’d sent almost this exact same message before, in fact. A hideous Hail Mary, a prayer to God, the best I can offer. What I had the moment I sent it were my words.

The weekend before I was slated to leave for this trip, I took it upon myself to sneak in some internal reviews for the radio station I’ve been volunteering at as long as I’ve been in Chicago, 15 years, Jesus, who knew I’d last that long in any capacity as an adult? There’s no great mystery to it: An enormous Google spreadsheet lists all the records we’ve imported but don’t have a review and FCC profanity notes on. It sounds silly and it’s invisible work to a listener, but these short blurbs help DJs sound more informed on air and guide them on what (and more importantly, what not) to play, a system founded in college radio and still alive in the select places they still allow for this kind of thing.

I chance upon TV Priest’s My Other People on account of some very hasty notes from whomever imported it, throw it on, let it run for a bit. I leave it through “Slideshow,” through “Bury Me in My Shoes,” both of which I find pleasantly catchy on a cursory listen. I leave it on some more as I catch up on the news. I leave it on so long, in fact, that I finish the record and immediately feel the urge to play it again from the top, something I’d been missing in music for large chunks of 2022. I think to myself after a first run through that, hey, this is pretty good; I think halfway through a second spin, listening much closer now, that, hey, this is really good; and by the time I’m finished with it again, I think this is improbably my favorite album of the year. I check to see when they’re touring next and practically burst out laughing when I see they’re in town at Beat Kitchen down the street the very next night. In less than 48 hours, I’ve gone from never having heard of this band before to enthusiastically walking out the door of their first Chicago tour date.

Here’s a theory I turned over in my mind that weekend: TV Priest is the band everyone thinks Idles is. I don’t mean any disrespect to the latter; they’re a fine band and if that’s your thing, good on you and them both. But there’s an element of gravitas to the London quartet — an almost Morrissey-like flair for the dramatic in Charlie Drinkwater’s soaring-and-roaring baritone, Nic Bueth’s leaden bass and Ed Kelland’s drumwork that may as well be actual anchors, and the tones Alex Sprogis takes with his guitars — that to me feels more weathered, more adult, a brusque tenderness shaved off in Idles’ more pitched punk. (Not for nothing, but I also saw four guys separately walk into Beat Kitchen behind me with Idles shirts on.) It’s a perfect blend of Associates and Fugazi, brutal and beautiful post-punk elegance ensuing from the end of an empire. I must’ve played “House of York” 200 times if I played it once in the days following the show and that one didn’t even make an album. Many are working in this vein right now, but hardly anyone did it better in 2022.

I am thinking that as “Sunland” plays again and the shine of the real thing above off the white expanse below blinds me. Who’d have thought I’d end up directly next to a guy who was also meeting his brother from New York City in Helsinki for the weekend? Incredible odds. Life is funny like that sometimes. A weekend fueled by croissants and a free upgrade to an automatic-equipped Volkswagen Passat and sun, always the fucking sun up there, they weren’t kidding about that, either, there were more than a few times during this trip when I thought maybe I just wouldn’t come back. Fuck a SIM card, anyway. It’s all just reformed elements, it’s all just numbers on numbers, it’s all just someone else’s profit, right? It’s all just some pointless collapsing star.

Slumped toward sunlight with my head against the fuselage watching infinite white topography shimmer as it passes — Greenland is ice, I promise you that really is it, there’s nothing else down there — I’m playing TV Priest on a busted old iPod and making mental preparations to be apart for an unknown period of time again, stuck in a familiar loop with the voices in my head rolling over the same old questions years long from different angles, chewing on emotional errata and heated fragments past, phrasing the most basic mysteries in different ways and pointlessly expecting some kind of clarity to fall from the flaring, to rise from the ice and reveal itself. The self-interrogation never stops: When do I finally stop being so stubborn about everything that matters, stop taking the harder road, stop thinking too much and feeling too much more? Why am I like this, why can’t I ever see the answers until I’ve asked the right questions a fraction too late? Why am I too slow to understand the truth when it’s not explained to me? Why do I bother believing in anything?

I shut my eyes for a moment, the skin of my lids carry a familiar heft. Honestly, I’m tired of thinking and I’m ready to leave all of this; I’ve never been more ready, maybe. The plane never shudders skeptically, but still I’m there in my seat alone in a metal tube suspended 30,000-plus feet in the air hurtling through space, through life, at 500 mph wondering: What if this is it, what if this is all there was? What happens back home, back there, that place I don’t love enough to want to return to but can’t seem to leave? What am I going to do when my words finally, inevitably fall short, when the best I offer is rotting roses and garbled prayer and a Hail Mary read all wrong? And what if I settle for what happens after that, what if this isn’t all there was? What if good enough is good enough?

Patrick Masterson