#Utterly hilarious

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 168

So. Apparently halfas are like phoenixes or something, which Danny would’ve really liked to know. 

See, usually with ghosts if they’re forced to retreat to their cores they reform as was, but apparently, since they’re still partially living, schrodinger's people and all that, halfas have to regrow their body from scratch. At least that’s what he’s understanding from Frostbite. 

But how come he has to deal with it? It’s Dan’s fault for trying to pull such a stunt! Oh, it’s either him or Vlad? Well fuck, he might have calmed down and is going to therapy in both the living realm and the Zone, but he’s waaay not equipped to raise a child except for like, monetarily wise. 

Well dammit, how long will this core incubation thing last, he has his new job in… let him check which offer he accepted again… He has his new job in Coast City that he needs to finish packing for and then all the rest of the stuff to do. 

What do you mean it’ll take months?! He doesn’t have months?! Urgh, fine. At least being a mortician isn’t that exciting, nor dangerous. Just hand him Dan’s core and he’ll figure things out for the living side of things. He’s sure Tucker and Sam wouldn’t be against helping, if only to try and claim favorite aunt or uncle spots. 

[bibannana]

Fives *staring into the distance*: Oh, I've lost my train of thought.

Echo *who has listened to Fives yammer on for the last few hours*: Oh? And how do you loose a train?

Fives *rolls his eyes*: Ha. You're hilarious.

[ribbittrobbit]

hey @quiddie hope u completely whomp brennan for his shenanigans in space cram

[padfootastic]

Okay, so I found this meta (https://slashmarks.tumblr.com/post/626830726168444928/did-the-grangers-commit-child-abandonment-or) and like, where are Hermione’s parents? We see them like twice, she mails them once and we don’t see them mail her anything, and they are totally okay with Hermione spending the vast majority of her time at her friend’s house. Do they even exist or did Hermione just spring into existence as an 11 year old like Athena?

sksksks i understand that they were just. utterly useless to the plot so we just—don’t get anything about them but from a watsonian angle, it’s just really funny lol maybe hermione parallels matilda in more ways than just one? and learnt how to take care of herself and became hyper-independent from a ridiculously young age like u have this 1.5yo with bushy hair larger than her upper body, dressed in tiny dungarees, carrying too many books around the house. her parents are always just like ‘yes that’s great hermione’ bc they’re always so busy and absentminded that all they can do is just. a pat on the head.

and this trend carries into hogwarts as well; they’re not talked about because hermione doesn’t need them, at all. she can just do everything herself with ruthless efficiency. and that would explain her decision to obliviate them even better no? hermione operates on the practicality spectrum, she does what needs to be done, always has, because that’s how she’s survived. and if her birthdgivers, who she cares for a perfectly perfunctory amount, can be saved by a little ykno morally grey action—then well, what’s the harm? it’s not like they knew they had a daughter her whole life anyway how would this make a difference?

[egophiliac]

this is basically what happened, right?

(these guys are very lucky that everyone at NRC 1) has the combined intelligence of a sack of bricks, and 2) is easily distracted by shiny things.)

[luckstreetboy]

PORNOGRAPHY INSTAAAAAAALL

[crowberri]

Divorce

[repmet]

@rwrbmovie & @rwrbsource’s rwrbweek: Day 6 | Kiss

Nose kisses

[dragon-razor-writings]

10-year-old Jaune: "Hey, dad? How exactly was mom like as a Huntress?"

Louis:"…"

(A couple decades ago…)

Josephine: *going apeshit with an axe against Grimm and Saleites* "DIE, INFIDELS! FACE YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR DEFYING THE GODS!!!"

Louis: '…Why is that weirdly attractive?'

(Now)

Louis: "She was…much more intense."

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 219

Ellie would like it to be known that she didn’t do this on purpose. But what was she supposed to do when she found another clone? Not grab him before he could be brainwashed for evil? He’s a baby! Okay not literally, but as the older clone, she declares him baby! 

Hey Danny, do you want a son? She found him in a whale! Yeah? Sweet, new tiny stabby brother!

[qqueenofhades]

So it looks like Sinema, having gotten her requisite pound of flesh for her billionaire hedge fund buddies (basically, they agreed to keep the carried-interest tax loophole and replace it with an excise tax on stock buybacks), has finally agreed to support the Inflation Reduction Act, otherwise known as the $740 billion "pretty much Build Back Better but we are calling it something different" bill that Manchin and Schumer came out with. If/when it passes, which could be as soon as this weekend, the Democrats will have achieved -- with a 50-50 Senate with two habitual Manchurian candidates, a four-seat House majority, a rampantly fascist opposing party, a Supreme Court openly bent on destroying democracy and personal liberty, and an active criminal investigation into the previous administration -- at least the following:

The American Rescue Plan, aka the first post-inauguration $1.9 trillion Covid relief package, which was the largest investment in the working class since the New Deal;

The bipartisan infrastructure bill, which is the first major structural and transportation modernization and systemic overhaul for the country since the 1970s;

The first significant gun safety legislation in 30 years and since at least the Clinton administration;

Multiple executive orders now signed on protecting abortion rights and access to reproductive care, including travel out of state if necessary;

A bill in the works to officially codify same-sex marriage and thus protect it from SCOTUS;

Reauthorization and improvement of the Violence Against Women Act, including strong new protections for LGBTQ+ and Native American victims of domestic abuse or sexual assault, including the ability for Native courts to prosecute non-Native offenders for sex crimes for the first time in history;

Finally (FINALLY) making lynching a federal hate crime;

The largest climate legislation ever passed in America (this bill), which also establishes a federal minimum 15% corporate tax rate and lowers healthcare costs, including for essential medications like insulin, by, like, a lot;

Passage of the PACT Act, aka expanding healthcare for disabled veterans exposed to burn pits, also the biggest expansion in this field for a generation despite Republicans briefly killing it in an outburst of pettiness;

Consistent big packages of support for Ukraine, rebuilding of foreign alliances, huge bipartisan support for including Sweden and Finland in NATO (hahahaha fuck you Josh Hawley);

The CHIPS act, which creates tech and manufacturing jobs in America and was made even sweeter by how thoroughly they fucked over McTurtle to do it (since oh boy does he deserve a taste of his own medicine);

Ketanji Brown Jackson, the first Black woman on SCOTUS, and not an awful white supremacist stand-in like Clarence Thomas, but a genuinely progressive and thoughtful jurist;

Cancellation of almost $6 billion in student loans for the poorest and most defrauded borrowers, such as those who attended scam for-profit "colleges";

And so on and so forth!!!

So like. Please tell me more about how the Democrats are incompetent, their leadership is bad, they are in Disarray TM, you are a terrible person if you support Biden or give them any credit at all, and you're just not excited to vote because they haven't done anything. Like yes! There is a lot more to do! Despite them suddenly deciding to play ball on this particular occasion, Manchin and Sinema still need to be made irrelevant as soon as possible! But as I said, this is happening with the thinnest of imaginable Congressional control, as the other party is literally trying to destroy democracy in real time before our faces. That is not irrelevant.

Also: ruby-red Kansas curb-stomped an attempt to outlaw abortion rights, and approximately 77% of the entire country supports this current bill. The generic Congressional ballots have all shown major movement toward Democrats, and frankly, I have a feeling that we have only just started to see the full impact of post-Roe fallout. So if you get off your asses, quit whining, and put the work in, we could actually win the midterms and then do EVEN MORE!

So yeah. Uh. Food for thought.

[unhelpfulfemme]

What I like the most about that Charls short story is that your knee-jerk reaction is to go, "Surely this was all entirely unnecessary? You are kings, surely there's a more efficient way of dealing with this guy breaking your laws than the acting rulers of two whole countries going incognito as fake cloth merchants!"

But then you realize that this is absolutely a want, not a need. They love pulling this kind of shit, they've had the time of their lives every time they've done it: Laurent was laughing his ass off as he was running across rooftops and dodging assassins in book 2, Damen's reaction to regaining his birthright and getting to be at the head of an army again was, "But no more shenanigans?? 🥺 The fun Damen and Laurent shenanigans?? 🥺"

And at this point in the story they've been stuck politicking and roleplaying Normal Responsible Adults for, what, six to eight months? And Laurent's ascension, which means even more politicking and less free time, is looming over them, so based on what we canonically know about how sensation-seeking they both are, I am totally buying that they heard about some guy breaking the new slavery laws and went, you know what, this may be our last bit of freedom for a while, let's go absolutely apeshit. Sleeping in seedy inns and other weird places did always give an extra oomph to the old sexual tension. Oooh, you know what we could do, we could involve Charls, that guy was always a hoot! And you know what else'd be funny? If we didn't tell him that you're the Akielon king and waited to see how long it takes for him to figure it out!

10/10 completely in character, they do canonically take turns being each other's Impulse Control and obviously sometimes the system will break down because they're both feeling impulsive

[lilianade-comics]

When your daughter melts sometimes,,,,

Been thinking about Cheese Melt again. In my head, it's an AU that begins in KS and carries out the rest of the series. Vlad completely retains his personality, the only difference is he's REALLY attached to Danielle and he finds himself in increasingly domestic situations because of that.

His attachment to Danielle isn't necessarily full blown parenthood right away, either. Vlad is a froot loop who convinced himself only a "perfect" clone of Danny would make him happy, but he's also gloriously stupid & lonely and Danielle is incredibly adorable. So he goes through stages of being in complete denial:

Stage 1: Vlad considers this female clone to be completely disposable.

Stage 2: Vlad's new pawn smiled at him once and is now a "remarkably successful prototype" and he decides to keep her around "for a while" as an "experiment."

Stage 3: Time passes and suddenly Vlad is flippantly telling Danny that Danielle is a "valuable asset worth protecting."

Stage 4: "If my baby melts I'm killing myself."

[blueteller]

Hunters educating their kids be like:

[static-kills]

I feel like this could happen between just about any two starkid/hatchetfield characters

[phoenixcatch7]

So there's an actual in game reason you can't get lynel weapons anymore??

So I was looking over the monster statues, just examining the design, when I notice something I'd seen but never really twigged:

Those are nuts and bolts. Huh. That's not natural, that's been added on. In fact, you can still see part of the original scratchy lynel horn from botw underneath, even if it has mutated a bit like all the other horned monsters.

See, lynels, with lizalfos in a lesser way, are the only enemies in the game with the intelligence and cunning to forge weapons. A lizal can only manage one boomerang, shield or bow with varying spikes and occasionally repurpose some hylian armour (and often loot anyway), but lynels are capable of creating their own unique metals and using it to completely outfit themselves. Armour, bows, shields, spears, clubs, and swords, complete with sheaths and harnesses and decoration!

But in totk the particularly pointy ones are missing, leaving only shields, armour, and bows. Their weapons were subject to the Decay as well, but instead of trying to use them anyway, what did they do? They broke down their own weapons and repurposed them as enhancements to their own horns! Extra defence and a new devastating attack!

But... For what reason? They could have kept using those weapons just fine, everyone else is! It probably would have been more practical to start attaching things to the end, like the goblins have all started doing (albeit with mixed results, they seem to inordinately favour mushrooms). Why would the most feared enemy in the game feel the need to put more points into defence and intimidation, even sometimes utilising the rock armour?

What would they be feeling the need to so strongly defend from, even to the point of sacrificing huge attack power over it?

...

Link. It's Link.

The 5 nothing hero of hyrule, who built a whole community of speed running, styling on, brutally murdering lynels almost exclusively again and again and again. Moldugas, hinox, talus, they haven't changed a bit! They weren't at the center of every flashy slow mo clip since the first game came out!

But lynels in totk are running scared, they're building bigger horns to look scarier and armour to hide in, because once they need to get their short range weapons out its already over, or maybe link will just stop farming them for top tear weapons XD.

Tldr: unlike other monsters, which have branched out to kidnapping, riding flying monsters and rolling big spiky balls, lynels have gone entirely the other direction in order to try and scare the hero off after the last round of stylish massacres, and attached their old decayed gear to their horns.

Tldr tldr: botw link is the reason you can't get lynel weapons in totk because he scared them too much.