#WHY DOES RAT LOOK SO TRAUMATIZED IN ALL THESE PICTURES

[nijacobs]

DTQ WITH RAT

[cursedkeyboard]

Babies shouldn't grow up ☆ Jason Todd & GN!Reader (PT.2)

What does Jason do after stealing a kid from Gotham's slums? Feed and give the little brat a home, of course. [PART ONE ♤ PART TWO ♤ PART THREE ♤ PART FOUR ♤ PART FIVE ♤ PART SIX]

pairings: Platonic Jason Todd & Child GN!Reader

To be completely honest, when Jason reached his apartment, he was panicking a little

The drive had been enough to clear his mind and he realized how impulsive he'd been

He is a damn vigilante, one with a hell of a reputation, and who's always messing with the baddest assholes of this city

Fuck, he's got guns and explosives in his house

But even with all the panic and rationality, Jason wasn't going to abandon you somewhere else

Orphanages were great places for villains to hit, the foster system might as well have been created by the joker, and no way in hell was he going to drop you at Bruce's

Anything but that

So he sucked it up and focused on your small voice full of wonder as you two drove through the city

"I didn't know there was so many tall buildings in Gotham!"

"That church is huge!"

"Holy shit is that a theater?! I only saw them in movies!"

At a certain point he was close to biting his fists in pure cuteness aggression

He knew exactly what you were feeling, could even picture your eyes glittering full of wonder behind the helmet

It didn't help his heart that your helmet also had comms, which were connected to his, so every single one of your little comments meant for yourself only were accidentally shared

Your Gotham accent was so thick too, born and raised in an area were the elite never tried to "cleanse"

Fuking adorable

Oh, also, he'd need to teach you not to follow strangers even if they were famous vigilantes

Because he realized how fucking dangerous it was that you just up and agreed to be taken by a random masked man

Sure, he knew he also did the same with Bruce, but hey, look at where that got him

When Jason finally brought you up to his apartment, still carrying you, he knew he'd have to immediately go out to buy some things

His fridge wasn't stocked with what kids need

Like... apple juice and cereal

Or any kind of vegetables

And, he definitely needed some kid safety stuff, even if he knew you wouldn't try opening the dangerous cabinets

... probably

Opening his door, he took you to the bathroom

Look, as cute as you were, you were also as filthy as a drenched sewer rat

He told you as much when he set you down

Your glare was worth the slap on the arm (it didn't even hurt)

"Can I assume you know how to take a shower?"

"I'm nine, not three, Red Hood."

"Not my fault you look like you're five."

He chuckled as you huffed and puffed

"Jason Todd."

"What?"

"My name is Jason Todd. Can't have you calling me Red Hood if you're gonna live with me, right?"

You gaped, big eyes going wide

He told you his name! And showed you his face! Why did this man trust you so much?

It... it made you real warm inside

You were quiet for a moment before quietly telling you your name, shyly, like you hadn't done that in a long time

"Hm, I think I prefer 'squirt', tho."

Okay, warm moment over, the guy is insufferable

Hissing and pushing him out of the bathroom with all of your strength, you hesitantly took your first real shower since... since you don't even know when

The water was black

You realized your skin could feel soft instead of oily

And your nails finally didn't look like you dug through dirt

Meanwhile, Jason was running around the apartment like a crazed man

Shoving his guns inside high drawers you wouldn't be able to reach

Trashing the cigs he had bought out of curiosity

And making sure any items for... his intimate partners were completely hidden away

He'd found those in Bruce's room one time as a kid and, needless to say, Jason still felt traumatized to this day

After making his apartment slightly less deadly and ordering food, Jason knocked on the door to let you know he'd left a change of clothes for you in front of the bathroom

Damian's clothes the brat left behind once he had stayed over when he was rebelling

they'd be a little too big for you but nothing like what his would look like

Once you came out, looking fresh and clean, Jason immediately carried you to the couch

Biting his tongue because the demon brat's clothes were actually so big on you he could cry

He ignored your complaints again, he knew your little feet were all scratched and they must have hurt like a bitch

Once you finally settled and didn't try to scratch his eyeballs out, Jason started to patch you up

Such careful, gentle touches for rough hands like his

He handled your injuries like you were made of glass

And despite your childish pride... you kind of loved it

It made you feel all tingly and cozy inside, like you were precious

Like you were deserving of kindness

As you started fidgeting with all the bubbling emotions inside of you, Jason tried to calm you down by talking

He learned your mother died from a drive-by shooting and your father was an alcoholic with a taste for physical abuse

"It only got bad bad a year or so ago, I think he blamed me for us being poor."

"And you know that's bull, right?"

You shrugged as he finished treating your injuries and started to dry your damp hair, a little awkwardly but attentive

"He left a month ago–or died, I don't know–so it doesn't matter either way."

Well, that was a healthy mindset for a child!

He had to breathe through his mouth to not get up and go put three little bullets in your piece of shit father's head

or his body, if the bastard was already dead

Jason definitely had a lot of work to do, but for now, ding-dong, he was going to focus on feeding you

And, no, he was never going to delete the photo he took of your face when he opened the huge takeout orders

Nor would he forget the way you cried silently as you ate

That was your first real meal in months

Your first real meal, washed and clothed, in a safe apartment that didn't smell of roaches nor booze, with an adult who looked at you fondly

Jason promised, to himself and God, that he'd make sure you'd never cry over something like food ever again

When you giggled at a joke he made and didn't flinch when he gently wiped a bit of sauce from your cheek, he knew he had made the correct decision

He'd keep you safe

To be continued...

[seriouslysam8]

Okay, so we know from Backstabber that Peter was brainwashed by Bellatrix.

Was he so easily brainwashed because he resented James and Sirius?

We know in the Petrichor Series that Sirius never really cared for Peter, but put up with him because James adopted him into the group. I assume that Peter did not care for Sirius, but liked James and the protection that being James' friend gave him.

I always pictured James being Sirius, Remus, and Peters best friend and Sirius being James' best friend. I picture Remus accepting this fact, but I think that would have bothered Peter, and that is where the resentment started.

I also always felt like Peter did not like Lily or Harry, because they were just more competition for James' attention. It just put Peter lower on the list of people who James focused his energy on.

Peter Pettigrew is one of the characters that I hate most, but one of the ones I find most interesting! We get very little information on him in cannon.

I always like to hear peoples theory's of why he turned on his friends! In cannon, Peter tells Remus and Sirius the only reason he did it was because Voldemort was going to kill him, but that cannot be the only reason. Why would Peter help Voldemort return if he was scared that he would kill him? If Peter was truly scared he would have left the country to get away from Sirius and Remus and lived out his days as a rat!

I wonder what Peter's (Scabbers) thoughts were when Ron sat in the train compartment with Harry for the first time? Did he ever think about trying to kill Harry or talking to him? The first time he saw him did he think it was James?

Also, no one says anything about this, but that night must have been traumatic for Ron. He lost his pet, and found out that his pet that has been in his house for years is a 30 something man that has killed several people! Does any of the other Weasley's know about Scabbers true identity?

I find the Marauders dynamics so very fucking interesting. I’d love to read more canon representations of them and not their fanon counterparts. Like this group of friends is so fucking angsty that I can’t stand it.

I truly believe that Sirius only really liked James at school. Peter annoyed him. Remus was all right. But James was his ride or die. Sirius latched onto James in a way he didn’t with the other two. I mean, look at how easily Sirius believed Remus to be the spy in the first war. They weren’t that close if Sirius so easily believed that. Which, as pointed out, James didn’t have those same feelings.

I think Remus considered James the best guy he knew. He considered James his best friend but he knew he wasn’t James’ best friend. Remus was all right with that because he was just happy to have friends who accepted him for who he was for the first time ever. I also think that Peter and Remus were pretty tight. James was the one Remus talked to about shit, but he spent most of his time with Peter while James and Sirius were off being, well, James and Sirius.

Peter I believed thought he too was closest with James. Unlike Remus, this bothered Peter. He didn’t understand why James liked Sirius more than him. Sirius who was always so grumpy and haughty. Sirius who could be vicious and cutting with his words. Peter deemed himself as nice, nice like James. I think it really, really bothered him that Sirius and James were besties. Especially since Sirius could take or leave Remus and Peter on any given day but he couldn’t be separated from James for even the span of two hours serving detention.

While Remus gave Peter attention like James did, Peter wanted James. It was James who was the popular one, the Quidditch star and top of most of their classes. It was James who could effortlessly work a room and people instantly liked him. It was James who could shrug and offer an upside smile and instantly be forgiven. James was a social butterfly, James was powerful, James was well-liked and connected. Remus never cared for any of that. Remus kept to himself and was satisfied with his small group. But Peter wanted more. He wanted what James could offer him, what James offered Sirius. What pissed Peter off was that Sirius didn’t need James in that way. Sirius was handsome and popular in his own way. Sirius could be a total ass to someone and they still liked him, because even when he’s extremely grumpy there is something endearing about Sirius. Sirius was smart and powerful in his own right. James was Sirius’ equal. Peter wanted to be the equal.

I feel like Peter wanted to be James’ best friend. I also think Peter wanted Sirius not to disregard him as much as he did. But Sirius disregarded everyone who wasn’t James Potter. I truly believe that Sirius and Remus were not even that close. Again, they both thought he each was the spy. Neither one seemed to have great communication skills with the other. You know it had to peeve Sirius to no end that he’s rotting in Azkaban and Remus isn’t seeing Harry as much as he possibly can. I mean, everything Sirius did in canon was for Harry. To know Remus had opportunities to be there for Harry and never was… gosh, Sirius must have been pissed off with Remus. Another tick in Sirius’ column of why he hated everyone that didn’t have the last name Potter.

But back to Peter. I think he saw life as a bunch of slights against him. He wasn’t the best friend. He wasn’t the best man. He wasn’t the godfather. He was alway second place, maybe third place because he legit joined a hate group and all but killed his supposed best friend. Then Lily and Harry came and Peter wasn’t even third anymore. He was fourth and then fifth. Peter was at the bottom of the barrel every single passing day. He wanted to be on top.

In Petrichor, I have Bellatrix show him some affection. She flirts with him, she trains him, she pays attention to him. She makes him feel like he’s first for once in his life. Even though she’s playing him the entire time, wrapping him around her little finger, he becomes increasingly enchanted to the point of obsessed with her. This obsession could explain why he helps bring Voldemort back. He wants to be number one again. He wants Bellatrix back. I think in the back of his mind, he knows she’s fucking with him, but she also makes him feel so good. But the real kicker is, Peter is useless now. He’s severed all ties with his friends, with Harry, and with the Order. He’s not talented enough to be any use to Bellatrix or Voldemort anymore.

So Peter betrays James because someone else is finally paying him attention - the attention he wanted from James but didn’t get in his mind. Peter downright hated Sirius. The friend who always dismissed him, who always rolled his eyes at him, who only bit his tongue because he respected James. Peter had to know Sirius would go after him. There’s no way he came up with that plan in the moment. He probably ran scenario after scenario in his head, trying to figure out how to best Sirius, because Sirius was the only one alive who knew the truth.

I don’t think Peter had any intention of hurting Harry until the day Voldemort came back or Bellatrix came back. He probably saw the devotion Harry had to Ron and pictured it was devotion to him. He was the loyal little friend to Ron and therefore to Harry. Maybe he was even delusional enough at this point to view himself as James’ best friend and Harry’s godfather - I mean, didn’t Peter bite Malfoy once in canon? (Or am I confusing that with fanon?) But, again, Sirius rides in and steals the best friend spot, he claims his spot as godfather, and he’s back to dismiss Peter. Then Peter goes off to bring Voldemort back.

I do think there’s a bit of spite in Peter that drives him back to Voldemort. He wants to prove to Sirius he was worthy, he was just as smart as Sirius, and he should have been the one closest to James. I think Peter wanted to prove to Sirius that he was a force to be reckoned with.

I think, at the end of the day, Remus was the only one that Peter didn’t have a problem with. I do think that Remus and Peter were close to one another in the same way James and Sirius were close. But I also think that James and Sirius chose each other while Remus and Peter were each other’s second choice. I think that makes all the difference as well.

[liopleurodean]

Season 1, Episode 9: Home

Back in Lawrence

(Again, my aunt lives in Lawrence. I'm never gonna look at the place the same way again)

Surprisingly, it's not about the Winchesters

The Netflix captions said [smooches]

Hey, I like rats!

Unfortunately, a chair will not stop the supernatural

ITS THEIR HOUSE

YELLOW EYES

I KNEW IT

Why is he drawing trees?

"I've noticed" we all have, Dean, that's not helpful

Poor Sam

While we're at it, Poor Dean

Fun fact! I've had this happen to me before!

No they don't 🤣

That'll get their attention

Yay, it's reliving trauma hours!

If there's anything that'll draw John out, it'll be this

That plumber dude is gonna die

Who even owns one of those?

Freaky

Say goodbye to your hand, dude

Oh, that's horrifying

Oh, he knew exactly what he was talking about

The journal is like a cross between Journal 3 and the Holy Grail journal

This lady is a businesswoman. I like her

I want to see pictures of "goofy-looking" young Dean

Huh. She does know stuff

I LIKE her (don't put your feet on the table, Dean)

That's some fun noises coming from upstairs

It always starts with the Winchesters

Not the kid!

It's giving Ghostbusters

No!!! That poor lady!

Oh thank goodness

Dean, certified Himbo

I would trust this lady with my life. And I don't even believe in psychics

Huh. Sam might not get it, but I think I do

She's more of an expert than they are

He tasted it 😂

Oh no...

It's like a snake

That's a creepy basement (and I've been in several)

Spooky

At least Sam is okay

Wow, that place is trashed

Rip Dean, reduced to being a maid

"Don't cuss at me" have I mentioned I like her?

It's not over yet

Dean watches James Bond

Almost word for word...

Ouch!

That hatchet really isn't doing much

Mary???

OHHHHHH, I get it! She was mad about the way she died and the whole place is like a ghost magnet, so she stayed behind!

That's only slightly traumatizing

Because she loves you, duh!

Hi John

Cliffhangers. Gotta love 'em

[jiminrings]

last chronological part for stem koo... WHEW I WATCHED THEM GROW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN NOW

cold senior!y/n x stem major koo masterlist :D

they finally become lunchbox lovers

“you’re asking me what’s jungkook like?”

jimin couldn't be any more surprised

first of all, his day started with yOU texting him and asking if you can drop by for a second, and the moment he texted "sure???", you're literally already knocking on the door

and second, you're asking him???

“oh come on. he clings to you with every chance he gets. i thought you gave him a chance already.”

your eyes only deadpan that jimin actually gets the hint, his mouth curling in a eureka moment that he managed to figure out himself without you talking

“oH! so that’s why you’re asking me because you’re thinking of giving him an actual chance.”

alright finally

you slump in relief over not saying it out loud, expressing the slightest bit of worry you have to someone (that's not as close to you like yoongi and jin are) who'd get where you're coming from without bias

“i just wanna know how he usually is when he’s not on my heels.”

“honestly? the same. probably even a bit more clingier.”

jimin wastes no time in ratting jungkook out, even leaning back to the couch with how relaxed he is

“talks about you too. i’m sorry y/n but even i know what shampoo you use!!!”

jimins knows your wHAT

"my shampoo???"

“mhmm. made me drive him to a grocery store at 10 in the evening so he can individually smell all the shampoos without anyone calling him a creep or something like that,” he nods earnestly and doesn't look like he's playing with you or the sort

you're quite frozen and jungkook's roommate isn't at all fazed and is even pulling up pICTURES of their impromptu grocery trip

“he even made it in a scientific paper format. with the hypothesis and conclusion and everything.”

he points it out just in time when you swipe to jimin's hand holding a printed piece of paper with the document in the monitor right behind it, the next pictures being blurry because that's when jungkook freaked out

jimin gets his phone back but not without sending you the pictures you just saw even if you didn't ask for them, trying to hide the amusement in your eyes when you decide to scroll through them again later

“cut him some slack though. he’s never really had a girlfriend, y’know? or like even a crush. he’s just navigating it with his instincts and all the advice he gets.”

hold on a second

“... advice?”

he thought you'd never ask (he'll still say it even if you don't) which is why he brightly grins, hunching over as if to let you in on a guarded secret

“i’m one of his consultants!!! didn’t suggest the shampoo part though.”

who could have possibly thought of that idea then ://

you hum in faux complacency, trying to get this as fast as possible so you could make up your mind quicker

“what else?”

jimin's relaxed now that he's had a proper laugh with you and realized you aren't as Intimidating As He Thought You Were, recounting the things in his mind like a to-do list

“he’s sickeningly kind.”

the gravity of his words strike him before they do with you, straightening his posture to clear up the air right away, “but i knoW that what he did to you is the furthest thing from kind, and trust me, i really got that point across!!!”

by point, jimin means cooking him burnt meals and jungkook having to endure it because he doesn't like wasting food

additionally, that also meant jimin served kook a cRISP smack on the back of his boba ball head into next week

look at him <3 seokjin, yoongi AND jimin gave him shit!!! now isn;t that teamwork

you're unable to paint the mental image in your head because he continues, grabbing your attention once again

“but apart from that, jungkook could just be too kind for his own sake,” he says sincerely. “he’s like the kid the principal refers to in elementary when they talk about peer pressure!!!”

your first instinct is to snort at that, the mental image definitely forming in your head now

is it just sO bad that you and jimin agree on this

“jokes aside, jungkook’s really genuine.”

it's the last thing jimin wraps it off with when you stand from the couch, cheeks still a little warm when he trails you behind the door

you're just about to thank him when the door in front of you opens and almost hits you in the process, the person behind it just as alarmed

jungkook’s just now coming home because he had to pick up some last-minute groceries from the convenience store downstairs that jimin forgot from his last run, clearly startled to why would wou be here

"oH???? y/n??? what are you doing here???"

his pupils are shaking between the two of you and he's not even trying to hide is incoming panic

“.... a-are you and jimin-“

“yup! sorry bud! we were just-...” jimin's attempt at a lighthearted joke is halted as fast as it was introduced, getting a smack on the middle of his back that makes him wince

“you’re annoying, jimin."

oOOOOH you just put your palm on him!! yea at this rate he's gonna be your best friend too won't he

jungkook's processing things as fast as he could, getting a reassuring glance from you that puts him at ease

“we were just talking, kook.”

he nods even if he's still a tiny bit unsure, calling for you when you're on your way out the door

“a-about what though?”

:-)

“you’d know soon enough.”

( ♡ )

“you wanna tell me now why we went on this drive?”

seokjin yawns at a stoplight even when his car is the only one waiting on the intersection right now, not in the mood for a ticket with a printed traffic light picture of him mid-yawn in his matching pajamas anytime soon

“no reason," you sing-song and it makes him snort, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “couldn’t sleep."

“well that makes one of us.”

you've unabashedly knocked on jin's door and even if it took you two tries, he still answered nonetheless, not even asking for an explanation why before he sleepily took his keys and grabbed his house slippers for shoes

you had no destination in mind at 3 in the morning which is why jin’s just driving for no rhyme nor direction and is just going with his brain’s one-second impulses of where to turn

he’s game for anything, actually — that much you know

although you do know that jin literally wouldn't do this for anyone else besides the people he find worth all this (aka everyone except you and yoongi and ok maybe namjoon sometimes)

the drive is beyond serene and even with repetitive radio music playing in the background, you don't actually mind it

when you're with jin, it just feels like you're in a constant bubble of comfort and ease that you always try to look for in everything

he doesn't necessarily need explanations,, he just deduces from things at face-value and later ask about it when you're comfortable enough to share

jin points at a drive-thru he suddenly had a craving for as you were about to suggest it anyway

you're not even quite sure why there's a line but neither of you complain, the situation more than bearable that a little waiting wouldn't dampen your mood

the words you've been thinking of the whole day finally slip across the silence, as casual yet as sincere as they could be

“i’m really thankful that you’re in my life, jin. you know that right?”

he seems pleasantly surprised when you look at his side profile, shaking his head

“mhmm. you only tell me a couple times but you put your knee on top of mine everyday,” he chuckles at the habit of yours and he kNOWS for a fact you would put your knee on top of his if only he wasn't behind the wheel. “tell me all about it, kid.”

it's genuine laughter that encompasses the whole car, his chuckles suddenly ceasing when he realizes another possibility

“you’re not asking me for allowance, are you? because yoongi’s already bugging me for his next month’s.”

wait what

“you give yoongi an allowance???”

“you didn’t know???”

:///

“... i’m not asking for an allowance.”

“..... but do you want it,.,..”

jin sees you pursing your lips and intentionally looking at everywhere but him, already getting his answer

“fine. that’s the furthest you two could get from me!! don’t expect me to pack your lunchboxes to school now. you must be crazy.”

jin, in fact, packs you and yoongi lunchboxes more often than not

jin, aLSO, does all the paper rolling for you so when the three of u get occasionally high, it’s all nice and tight

jin is also the one who does all the talking on the phone to customer service when neither of you are willing

he asks the moment he relays your usual midnight snack slash early breakfast order he's already memorized to the attendant, patiently looking at you

“you want anything else with that?”

“i’m all good.”

it's in between cars and stoplights that the car is filled with more emotion again, acting on it when you realize it when seokjin's mid-bite on his hashbrowns

“jin?”

“yes?” he speaks muffled, looking at you once before bringing his attention back on the changing stoplight

“love you.”

he feels himself still for a second even if his foot's on the gas and one hand is on the wheel, a somber look on his face that he later smiles sincerely

“love you too, kid.”

( ♡ )

“it’s not my birthday if that’s what you’re thinking.”

yoongi sleepily mumbles the moment he feels his bed dipping, his side that was once holding a pillow now being occupied by you

“i know.”

you wedge yourself between his heavy comforter, tossing and turning until it feels comfortable

“but i actually don’t know your birthday lol it’s-...”

“fuck right off.”

yoongi doesn't question why you're in his bed, because the last time you did, it was because you were left traumatized after seeing a genuinely good horror movie that it was pending to give you nightmares

he didn't see you watch any movie today though, but he'll take you in nonetheless

“kidding.”

you offer in consolation because yoongi's birthday is in your calendar even if you know it by heart, a mindless hum in reply

it's when you drop your arm on his waist like it's dead weight and relax completely, your face near to his mop of hair that it's making him think you're actually cuddling him rn

quick how can he get a picture of this to get this framed

“are you telling me now?”

he questions with his eyes half-open, shimmying backwards so that you're able to hug him more comfortably

“my airconditioner’s busted.”

“mhmm. give me ten minutes. i’ll fix it for you.”

it's 4 am and if your airconditioner really was busted, you wouldn't have let it stay busted for that long

“don’t. it’s okay. i wanna be here anyways.”

both you and yoongi know that your airconditioner’s in tip-top shape and is actually the one that blows the coldest air in the dorm

sometimes you think he’s an angel in disguise because there’s no way you deserve a human best friend like him

“yoongs?”

“hmm?” he hums before he falls asleep again, trying to keep up while having his eyes closed so he could listen to you

“you know that i’m really glad you’re in my life, right?”

oh

:)

“mhmm. you don’t say, sweets," he teasingly chuckles, feeling his ribcage rise in amusement under your arm

“fuck-“

“yeah, i know. i do, because you put me as your family member in your emergency contacts, but you don’t know that i know that.”

... oh

you don't even know how yoongi came to know but you don't question it, the warmth in your heart doubling

“love you.”

“love you too, y/n.”

( ♡ )

jungkook’s the most nervous he’s been in awhile

and that’s coming from him who sees yoongi in almost a daily basis

after all, jin did tell him you can be quite forgetful becasue you tend to take care of things all at once

he’ll sTILL try to be as smooth and casual as much as possible though

“big game tomorrow huh?”

and by big game that means as in your last qualifying game to whether or not your team would compete in the yearly (not to mention prestigious) soccer tournament

you chuckle at the thought because by now, you should already be sleeping and getting some rest even if it’s just seven in the evening

but you’re here <3 out at a park near jungkook’s dorm, sharing hand warmers <3

“yeah. it’s a make or break match.”

“i actually haven’t seen you play before, y’know," jungkook silently admits, looking down on his shoes as he thinks if he's just offended you

“really?” you ask in genuine curiosity, “then how come you interviewed me for your little survey when you haven’t watched me play before?”

oh

tHAT

“i uh, i actually just really wanted to talk to you that day. i-i don’t normally approach people first, but you just looked warm enough for me to reach out first.”

he's babbling before he even knows it, oblivious the growing smile on your face

“then i asked jimin because he kNOWS everything, and it was all in good fate that it turned out you were the soccer captain!! i was excited because i had a legitimate reason to talk to you that day.”

so that’s why

he wanted to talk to you even before his lunchboxes were taken out of the situation!!!

“how about me? why was it me?”

ahem

you're not trying to be funny but you can't help but chuckle, scratching the back of your ear in thought

“i honestly couldn’t tell either, jungkook.”

he almost coughs in shock, masking it off with playing it off for the bite of the chill of the night

“all i know is that something told me it was you,” you timidly add, looking down on your hands. “and i went for it.”

right can he chalk up mad blushing to the night air

he fiddles with the drawstrings of his sweatpants this time, his eye contact with you becoming fidgety

“big game tomorrow,” he repeats and you're just about to tell him that your conversation sounds like it's gonna be repeated

“don’t forget your eyedrops, alright?”

....

was that smooth enough

“eyedrops?”

yeah

uhm

that was... random

“oh right! you gave them back to me.”

“yeah. you should open it tonight, probably. to see if it’s already all-evaporated, y’know? if it is, then let me know tomorrow so i can buy you new ones.”

“highly doubt that they would, but alright, kook.”

you take the little banter to be your cue to walk back to your dorm, about to say goodbye to him when he makes an audible sound of confusion

it confuses you even more when he's trailing behind you

“your dorm’s twenty feet away from where we are, jungkook.”

“y-yeah i know that!! i’m walking you home, silly.”

right!!

hee-hee

he’s keeping his hands to himself even if he BADLY wants to hold your hand or even your forearm but he has to resist that urge rn

but he does intentionally brush shoulders with you and mumble “pothole.” so he could nUDGE you to the side even if there aren’t any to begin with

silence with jungkook now is comfortable as it has been for more than awhile, the walk passing by faster that you almost wish you walked slower

goddamn it he should've said there was a pothole atleast ten more times to make the walk longer

“goodnight, koo.”

“goodnight, y/n.”

there’s obviously no goodnight kiss but he dOES get a squeeze on his bicep

you take your time when you come home — to unwind as much as you could before you stress yourself out tomorrow

your shower routine may have took a little longer this time but it makes you get dressed as quick as you could when your eyes see the origami box you've been putting off from opening, one that jungkook just told you to open, because as far as you knew they were just EYEDROPS!!!

... the supposed bottle of eyedrops that’s too well-packaged and clearly thought-out

an origami box, a carebear heart initial drawstring pouch AND a plain ziplock baggie as if the other two weren’t enough

it’s when you open the box within the ziplock bag that you feel it’s definitely not as light as a bottle of eyedrops would be

there’s a very visible dent weighing down on the pouch (that’s within the origami box) that’s cLEARLY not your eyedrops

you’re actually nervous to the point that you just open unfurl it with your eyes closed, feeling two items in there

the plastic bottle of eyedrops, and definitely the cool surface of what feels like

a bracelet?

it’s a pretty straightforward yet timelessly elegant silver link bracelet, equipped with a couple options for how tight or loose you want to wear it

it hits you all at once and god does it just render you speechless

jungkook has this bracelet too.

you’re quite speechless and in between looking at it up-close to avoiding looking at it at all, trying to calm your breathing by focusing on the eyedrops instead

the said eyedrops you've been so used to seeing that you immediately sense that there's something oFF with the label???

its stuck-on, that's for sure, but something about it is not as seamless and stationary and official as it should be

it's almost as if there's something snuck inside it and-

...

..... there is

it's scotch tape that's just as thin as the actual label of the bottle itself, having to peel the whole label in order to see it in entirety

it's the same double-sided label jungkook worked so hard to peel flawlessly so he could try and replicate it in the same exact design and measurements, having to even take it up to a classmate from stem he once knew that transferred to graphic design

(yeonjun did ask for a science paper in exchange for his replication of the eyedrops slash adhesive label because who fucking kNEW he still had science even when in graphic design, but jungkook thinks it's fair trade so it's worth it)

it's the same exact label jungkook's had for a month and only recently gave it to you a week ago, a truth he's long since known

it's the same exact label that reads —

i love you

— in his handwriting you've come to known by heart, the label in your hand feeling much more heavy than the bracelet in the other

you already know what to do.

.

.

.

it's game day and u are about to launch yourself into orbit if you hear oNE more drum cheer because it just makes you nervous even more

yeah SURE it makes you pumped when it's the actual game itself but not now!!! not now when you're pumping yourself with electrolytes and at the risk of peeing from nervousness and too much hydration

you haven't seen seokjin nor yoongi yet and as much as that lessens the pressure on you, that alsO makes you nervous because they're your emotional support people!!!! where r they

usually you would see them in the front row of the bleachers and neither of them have any snacks because all of their focus would be on you

jin is nOT mr. kim from student affairs when it comes to your games,,, nuh-uh sir,,, he's that guy from the other team that glares so hard it dISTRACTS me from scoring in the perspective of the opposing team

coach's about to whistle like five minutes from now for a final huddle and everyone's getting their final stretches in

you're too busy looking for people that you actually want to be here that you're taken off-guard when one of them grasps at your forearm, a breathless smile one his face

"give them hell out there, alright. you're a champ."

it's jungkook!!!

IT'S JUNGKOOK!!!!@&$&":@:"$

he looks especially handsome today that you just short-circuit immediately

he's wearing a shirt with your team colors on it aND!!!

he ditched his glasses today to wear contacts, not only because he wanted to look a bit more different and special today, but because he's also scared that a ball would be thrown in his direction and injure him with the additional impact of his glasses

his hair's pushed back with his forehead showing instead of his usual hairstyle and god is it making you a little dizzy

he's beaming at you and his eyes immediately wander to your wrist, not expecting the feeling in his gut next

you're not wearing the bracelet.

jungkook feels the sudden urge to cry even when in public but it's when you grip at his forearm tightly that he stays still, squeaking when you realize his line of thought

"can't wear any jewelry on the field. i-i'm wearing your bracelet as an anklet for the meantime, it's underneath my sock."

...

....

...... oh my god

jungkook's never felt this frozen and euphoric at the same time, sputtering over nothing when your face looks like the furthest thing from joking

you're about to excuse yourself suddenly when your eyes finally take notice what's thrown on his shoulder, something about it being so familiar that it throws you off for awhile

"is that my jersey?"

he nods eagerly to your query, proudly unfolding it for you to see your spare soccer jersey with your surname and number right on it, the exact marks being the same from when you tried to use a laundry pen on it

he didn't get it replicated???

"h-how did you get that? where did you get that?"

jungkook thought you'd never ask, the words he never thought he'd say already leaving his lips

"yoongi gave it to me."

you only have a handful of jerseys on-hand and even if you could always request for more, the ones you have at home are a little more sentimental

you gave jin and yoongs one each from the only several ones you had, and you know yoongi would not give up his for jungkook

but now, you do know that he snuck to your closet and took one to give it to jungkook willingly, trusting him enough to give it to you behind your back

kook's sTILL not fully-forgiven but they're getting there sooner or later

wait why is this making you cry

before you know it, you're pushing yourself to jungkook to hug him tightly, the boy being surprised for a second but ultimately reciprocating once it registers

"i love you too."

.

.

.

.

.

this is the last chronological update for stem koo aka lunchbox lovers!! however, this is not the end of them!! with the end of this chronological series, this means that all the future updates don't necessarily have to be linked — they're miscellaneous and don't have to follow a specific layout like this part of their arc.

with that said, feel free to send in asks on what you want to see from the lunchbox lovers (misc. requests, questions, and everything in between) and i'd love to fulfill them because after all, this series was born purely out of your ideas <3 also pls send in ur thoughts and feedback and love because i have da greatest time reading through all of them!! thank you for all the love for da stem koo universe <3

[nerdy-simp-7120]

hi! if you're comfortable writing this, could i ask for a scenario? this has been in the back of my head for a while.

what would be the reaction of the brothers + dateables of watching mc play resident evil in the dimitrescu castle? who would be down bad the most

thank you! feel free to ignore this if you don't want to write this ofc

I love this ask (stan tall vampire lady). The only thing is that I accidentally turned it into a “how they feel about the game.” I managed to add in some parts with MC playing as well to make up for it

Update: I literally finished the request yesterday but my wifi went down and I lost everything  😩 😩

I also wrote this in the middle of the night so sorry if there are any errors! Enjoy!

Warnings: cursing.

How the OM! characters would react to you playing Resident Evil (Dimitrescu Castle edition)

Lucifer

Will not care at first

"I hold no interest in such trivial simulations."

His weakness? Being a simp for you.

He decides to look into the game a bit more in private later on.

Will lowkey practice the game

If you ever catch him playing it, do not say anything because he will stop immediately, deny everything, and might not ever do it again

With time, however, Lucifer will come to master the game.

Here comes the showing off.

When you're rambling about the game with Levi, Lucifer will join the conversation and you two will be like "wow, boomer knows something for once--"

Or when you're struggling on a part of the game he will be like, "hand it over"

Before expertly getting through that part.

Can defeat Lady Dimitrescu if you ask him to but be careful cause he might make you beg

sadistic bastard

or you can be a badass and show him your skills

Will be a tad shocked at how easily you handled it but won't let it show (okay Elsa)

Also proud though

Lucifer's internal monologue: “That’s right- show them how it’s done, Y/n.”

Mammon

Scared.

Will watch you play and cover his eyes during every battle

"wHAT IS THAT?!" at everything you come across

I hope you're good at playing one-handed because you'll have to use the other hand to hold his throughout the entire thing

Admires you're bravery but would never admit it

"You were horrible! ...N-nice job beating the game, not that I c-care or anything. You sucked anyways!"

Not even 10 seconds later...

"Can I watch you play again?"

Comes to find that the faces you make are adorable: when you're concentrating on a battle, when you win, find a valuable item, etc

He loves being able to see how you're feeling up close.

If you catch him staring when you take a break or something he'll blush and either ask you if you have a staring problem or that you have something on your face

He may or may not buy cheap merch (a tiny key chain of Lady Dimitrescu or your favorite character) for you, all the while spewing lame excuses

Please bear with him- he's trying.

Leviathan

"YOU ALSO LIKE RESIDENT DEVIL?!?? Ah! I-I mean..."

Congrats, you just found yourself someone to discuss the game with

Is open to cosplay the characters with you

You two will have competitions to see who can beat the game faster.

You both also share theories with each other all the time

Or simply discuss the characters together

He purposefully stays quiet to hear you ramble on and on- dude finds it adorable

You two also sometimes argue debate over a character name or event in the game

Because while you have Resident Evil

He only knows Resident Devil

This is the equivalent of Devilgram and Instagram

I mean

They’re the same,

But a couple things were altered, y’know, to prevent copyright

So yes, there are definitely a few quarrels here and there

But all in all, it’s a fun gamer bud experience

Don’t tell him I told you but he thinks it’s hot when you show off your badass skills in a boss fight

Satan

He plays it on the lowkey.

Not because he’s embarrassed

But because he partially takes his anger out on the characters

During gory scenes, he imagines it’s him torturing Lucifer, fueling his determination to win

A calculated person, Satan is a smart player

But there are times when he’s particularly angry and he becomes a reckless one, jumping into fights impetuously

This is where you come in and beat the enemy for him

He may get angrier, thinking you are underestimating him

But, for the sake of the person he loves, he calms down knowing you didn’t mean to offend him

A small part in the back of his head also admires you for being able to handle the fight a ton better than he did

Congratulations, you just earned yourself the great Satan’s respect (resident evil-wise).

Asmodeus

“Oh my, I never knew you were into such gory games! Does this mean you’re into blood play, because I know many things about--”

He may look carefree on the outside

But on the inside?

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Holy shit

What the fu--

Jesus christ, can you pull a move like that in real life?

He needs to be careful to not piss you off.

If you can handle this, who knows what you could be capable of?

Hold on.

Wait, you look so concentrated

Eeep! How cute!

Anyways, it ends with him snapping a bunch of pictures 

Keeps them for himself and may brag to his brothers about how he got some “special” shots of you

Obviously never elaborates on what the special part means to keep his dear siblings on edge because, what the hell, they want to know what these special shots are

Would not play the game because there’s “tOo MuCh BlOoDsHeD”

We all know he’s most likely seen his fair share of bloodshed

“What if the adrenaline gives me acne?”

He’s probably just bad at the game--

Verdict: Asmo is a simp and not afraid to flaunt it.

Beel

...Are you okay?

Do you think about homicide--?

Oh, that lady looks nice.

Huh, she’s 9′6″??

What’s her name? Lady Dimitrescu?

Okay-- WAIT WHY IS SHE TURNING INTO THAT??

Not scared, just a tad bit concerned 

Poor Beel, concerned for Lady D :’)

Also, seeing the death’s of Bela, Daniela, and Cassandra hit different

Because he know what it’s like to lose a sibling.

Safe to say he understands Alcina’s pain when she raged about her children being dead.

Also concerned about how the gore could affect you

Because isn’t stuff like this supposed to traumatize humans?

Would support you regardless though

And thinks that you’re really brave for playing the game and still being able to stand strong

On another note, Beel decided to make small flower graves for the three sisters and Alcina because he’s adorable and kind like that

Belphegor

Likes the game but is too lazy to play himself

Regularly watches Satan play (or at least as much as he can before deciding it’s nap time)

I hope you enjoy Belphie using you as a body pillow and watching you play from now on 

Makes small comments here and there to help you out

“To your left... Oh, and open the window- yeah, that one.”

Will smirk, impressed, when you deal with the fights and win yourself without his comments.

“That’s my Y/n”

(Sorry I don’t know what else to put for him :’))

Diavolo

“Is this a human trend?” meme

Will watch excitedly and “oooo” whenever you do something cool

Be careful though, because the questions will not stop as you play

“What’s that? I see. What’s it for? How do you win the game? Who’s that character? Why can’t you do this? What about--?”

Diavolo, you’re awesome and all, but please

shush

On the inside, is also one that might be a tad concerned about your mental health because doesn’t that gore traumatize humans?

Wait, you do this for entertainment?

...

Another warning: he will shower you in merchandise from the game

I am not above the fact that this man has a game room 

And he will try to master the game

Casually pushes all his paperwork over to Lucifer so he can play Resident Evil

RIP Luci

Unfortunately, Diavolo will have trouble grasping the game and how it works

You will have to explain many things to him

Good luck- he’s a bit of a boomer (but willing to learn) and may or may not get distracted staring at you

But anyways, he enjoys engaging in the competitions you and Levi have

Whether it be playing as well or simply watching

He just loves to see you happy

Barbatos

Oh my, what’s this?

Will watch you play

and constantly criticize how filthy the Dimitrescu castle is

“Do they have any idea how many rats this can attract?”

Barbatos, your weakness is showing.

Seeing you so happy while playing the game helps him relax from his daily troubles tasks

He rewards you with a pat on the head any time you beat a foe

When Diavolo goes over to the HoL or when you come over to play in he silently cheers you on in the background.

Solomon

Yuh

Is educated on the game and knows his shit as the only other human 

Maybe knows a bit too much of the game

You will later come to find out that, somewhere in his mass tangle of shady connections, he knows a developer

Might give you tips and tricks to get on higher levels

But never, and I mean never, challenge him like you would with Levi to see who can beat the game faster

Because he will beat you by a seconds on purpose, just to piss you of

all the while doing that dark, shady chuckle

Asshole

But anyways, if you manage to finesse and beat him, he will be 

So confused

“I thought I did it all right, what went wrong...?” he thinks to himself.

On the outside, however, he’s smiling

Will hand over some praise to his little apprentice, but if you look carefully you will see a spark of annoyance

We get it Solomon, you’re a sore loser.

In the end, he will still leave somewhat impressed at your skillz

Simeon

w h a t

Is a little scared

“Is this one of them video games you kids play nowadays...? Just kidding. What are you playing-- oh my”

Might try to figure out how to play

But alas, 

Simeon is yet another boomer

So he will have quite some trouble even figuring out how to move

And why does he hold the controller like that what

If you’ve seen that one picture of him holding his phone sideways you know what I mean

On another note, if you look through his poem book, then you may or may not find a few poems describing how amazing and badass you looked hustling the entire game

Luke

about to bomb this master hill

No literally is considering bombing the computer or whatever you’re playing on because wHAT IS THAT

He is just

So 

So 

Scared

This will give him nightmares for weeks

Apparently Alcina reminds him of Lucifer so he kinda

Hates her

Says he will protect you

--as he runs out of the room in fear

Irrelevant but the one he hates the most is fetus baby

Michael have mercy on this poor boy--

[elizabeethan]

Safe 1 / 1

Killian finds a safe in Emma's closet and nearly loses his mind trying to figure out what she's hiding.

I'm not saying this is the start of another fic in this universe, but I'm also not not saying that.

This picks up a few weeks after the ending of The Days We Defend (Will Turn to Gold)

Read on Ao3

Rated T I guess

1441 words

For @the-darkdragonfly, who likes to beg me for more Corrine

~~~~

It started out as nothing. It should still be nothing, really, but he’s let that ship sail long ago. The curiosity got the better of him, and he’s been losing his mind ever since. 

 It’s easy to expect the worst. He and Emma have discussed the unpredictability of her magic, what with her pregnancy and recent curse and subsequent traumatic events, and he thought that they were on the same page with her taking it easy. She’s only a few months along, just starting to show, and she’s been totally on board with his suggestion that using magic she can’t fully understand, with few resources to help her, could be dangerous. 

 But then he found the damn safe. 

 He had no idea she owned it, but he probably shouldn’t be surprised. Based on who she was before he knew her, he can’t be shocked at the knowledge that she has secrets. But still, he’s worried. He’s worried at the thought of her needing to keep things from him. He's worried at the idea that she may not feel she can trust him with every aspect of her life. He's worried that she’s keeping something magical and dangerous locked away in their closet and not telling him about it. 

 This is what he gets for doing the laundry, he supposes. It’s a cursed task, to be sure. 

He didn’t mean to at first. He didn’t intend to try and break it open. But when he found himself punching in 1-2-3-4 and then 1-0-2-3 and then 0-8-1-6 and then 0-6-2-4, he realized how insane he was acting. Trying to hack into her safe using her family’s dates of birth was insane. Trying to violate his fiance’s trust by hacking into her locked safe was completely insane. Not to mention, diabolical. 

 But then he found himself going even more insane, trying to pry the heavy metal door open with his hook when the combinations he guessed failed. The safe was small enough, mounted into the wall and hidden behind a myriad of dresses hanging from the bar in the closet. There’s nothing to even say that there's even anything inside. But for some reason, he can’t help but to picture the worst. He pictures a magic dagger powerful enough to destroy everything they hold dear. He pictures a magic bean that could rip their family apart. He pictures the hat that holds the ominous power of the Dark One. 

 He wonders why he can’t trust his fiance. 

 He should’ve heard the front door open and slam shut. He should’ve heard his toddler tromping up the stairs and running to his room to greet him. 

 “Daddy, what doing there?” she asks pensively, leaning against the doorframe exactly as she’s watched her father do. 

 “Well, hello, my love. I’m just finishing up. How was Mimi?” 

 “What doing?” she asks again, crossing her tiny arms over her chest. “Landy?” 

 He clears his throat and stands, feeling a burn in his knees as he realizes how long he’s been sitting here trying to violate his love’s trust. “Yes, angel, I’m just doing some laundry.” 

 “Mommy!” she screams, turning towards the door that leads out to the hallway as he hears Emma’s footsteps approaching. “Daddy does landy.” 

 “Does he?” Emma asks, smiling and cocking her head to the right as she takes in the sight before her: Killian standing and groaning as he brushes off the backs of his legs. “Isn’t that nice of him.” 

 He recognizes the suspicious smile on her face immediately as she bites her bottom lip and raises a brow at him. “Yes,” Corrine confirms, ratting out her father just like the pirate he knew she would become. “See?” 

 “Yes,” Emma responds, smiling down at their daughter. “I do see. I see your daddy fiddling with things that don’t belong to him.” 

 “Ah, well,” he laughs nervously, scratching behind his ear and clearing his throat. “It certainly is lovely to see you both.” 

 “I’m sure it is,” she rolls her eyes in response, stepping towards him and placing a chaste kiss to his cheek just beside his mouth. “0-9-1-8.”

 “Pardon?” he asks in confusion. 

 “The combination,” she clarifies. “0-9-1-8. September 18th; the day you found me in New York.” 

 “Swan,” he starts, his guilt manifesting into something out of his control. “I meant not to…” 

 She giggles at him as she moves into the closet, Corrine mimicking the sound, and punches in the code. The door opens easily and he rolls his eyes as he recalls the effort he had put forth in opening it, thinking himself a fool for even trying. When the door swings open and reveals it’s contents, he wants to bury his head in the sand to quell the embarrassment that plagues him. 

It’s filled with snacks. Bags and bags of chips, poptarts, candies… all of the things she craves and he refuses to let her eat in excess. 

 “You won’t let me keep them in the pantry, so I hide them up here,” she explains. “I’m sorry for being dishonest.” 

 Bloody hell. If there’s one thing that can make him feel even worse about his foolishness, it’s her apologizing to him. “Love, I should--” 

 “I want that one!” Corrine shouts, pointing at the small pastry wrapped in clear plastic. “Mommy, I can have it?” 

 “Now look what you’ve done,” she jokes, playfully rolling her eyes at Killian. “Come on, Coco. Let’s have an apple with this Honey Bun.” 

 ~~~~

 Later in the evening, when they’re sated and panting and she curls into his side to squeeze him tight, his guilt takes over again as the thoughts of what he expected to find in her secret hiding place plague his mind. He’s always quick to ask her to trust him, and he feels as though he’s failed her for not doing so in return. Why he couldn’t let it go-- why he couldn’t tell himself that she wouldn’t dabble in dangerous magic and hide it from him-- he isn’t sure. 

 “What’s going on in there?” she asks when her breathing steadies, lifting her arm from his torso and brushing her fingers along his temple. 

 He smiles down at her and says, “nothing, love. I apologize if I seem distracted.” 

 “Is this about earlier?” she asks thoughtfully, cupping his neck with her palm and stroking her thumb along the line of his jaw. “The safe? Are you mad because I kept it from you?” 

 “No, Swan, never. I only… well, I suppose I should apologize for that. I shouldn’t have attempted to violate your privacy like I did.” 

 She sighs and hugs him close again, pressing a soft kiss to his chest, and whispers, “why did you?”

 Remaining still and silent, he allows the darkness of the room to trick him into a false sense of security. He knows why he did it; he knows it’s because he’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop for months since they broke the last curse. The last curse, because they’ve been cursed countless times before. And with a new baby on the way… he isn’t sure how to care for a newborn with one hand, never mind with some new form of dark magic potentially threatening them. “I’m sorry,” he finally whispers. “I suppose I’m just…” 

 “Waiting for something bad to happen?” 

 “Aye,” he breathes in relief, because of course she would know exactly how he’s feeling and what he’s thinking. “We’ve certainly had our fair share of challenges.” 

 “The dagger is right where we left it,” she promises. “It’s safe, locked away in the basement where it can’t escape. Me and The Apprentice put a spell on it, remember? I promise, nothing is going to happen to us.” Her words are forceful and confident, but her tone is anything but. 

 “Aye, love, you’re right. I’m sorry for doubting you.” 

 “Good. Now, it’s time to move on from this, because only one of us is allowed to freak out at a time and if you're scared, I’m definitely going to get scared soon.” 

 Kissing her temple, he holds her tighter and focuses on the sounds of their breathing filling the silent room. “You don’t have to be scared,” he finally tells her. “Everything is going to be alright. I’m sorry I had a momentary bout of insanity earlier.” 

 “It’s okay,” she whispers. “I love you.” 

 “I love you, too,” he promises, trying his hardest to put aside his assumptions that something catastrophic is about to happen and instead enjoy being here by her side. As if reminding himself as much as her, he says, “we’re alright, love,” before they both drift off to sleep.

~~~~

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[panharmonium]

@bloomiii asked: Hey!  Do you think merlin actually hates Mordred?

Heya!  I’m assuming this is a follow-up question to the ask that @once-and-future-gay​​ sent me the other day, and I gotta say, I love this question just as much as I did that one, so thank you!  :D  It’s a great ask - relevant one, definitely, for Season 5. 

I have kind of a lot to say about it, so I’m going to put most of this reply under a cut, but the short answer is this:

No, absolutely not.  I don’t think Merlin hates Mordred.

I think Merlin hates himself.

I wrote in the previous post on this topic (which I think this ask is a response to) about the actual reasons why Merlin is in conflict with Mordred, none of which are based on personal dislike and all of which come back to Merlin knowing that he has to prevent Mordred from killing Arthur, not out of a selfish personal desire to keep Arthur safe, but because Arthur’s survival is supposed to be the thing that is going to bring peace to the land and liberate the magical world.

But Merlin, as I said in that post, does not want to be in conflict with Mordred.  He likes Mordred.  He says as much, to Gaius.  He cares about Mordred as someone who shares his oppression, as shown in the beginning of the Disir.  He agrees to keep Kara a secret from Arthur, at the beginning of 5.11.  And Mordred’s philosophy - “the love that binds us is more important than the power we wield” - is literally as close to Merlin’s own as it can be.  That is exactly how Merlin, at his core, sees the world.

Everything Merlin does to Mordred, he does for no other reason than that he thinks he has to.  (And I discussed in that other piece how Merlin is not foolish or mistaken for thinking so, either - important to keep in mind.)  But all of the things he has to do go completely against his nature, and by the time we hit the end of 5.11, I really feel that Merlin has descended into a pit of self-loathing that the show, because its ending is so poorly constructed, never allows him to climb out of.  

Every decision Merlin is forced to make about Mordred makes him hate himself a little more.  The decision to let Mordred die in 5.05 is visibly traumatizing for him.  He takes no pleasure in leaving Mordred behind for Morgana in 5.10.  And 5.11 is the ugliest, most soul-killing situation Merlin has been confronted with yet - he is torn between doing what he truly wants to do and what he feels like he has to do, when Kara comes into the picture.  He initially tries to hide Kara from Arthur, because there is no part of him that wants a Druid to be captured and harmed, even if she was with Morgana’s forces.  Mordred tells Merlin, “she’s one of us,” and Merlin agrees.  “Your secret is safe with me,” he says (and those are sacred words for Merlin; they’re exactly what Lancelot says to him in 1.05; this is not something Merlin would ever promise lightly).  He doesn’t betray Mordred’s secret, and when Kara is captured (through no fault of Merlin’s own) Merlin is the one who originally urges mercy, telling Arthur, “you’re breaking his heart/you’ll lose his trust” when Arthur claims he has no choice but to pursue execution.

However, after that, when Merlin learns that Mordred plans to escape with Kara, he boomerangs back to “he’s going to run to Morgana and then he’s going to kill Arthur and I am not allowed to let that happen/magical and godly forces have all told me that the entire fate of Albion and the future of magic all depends on me preventing Mordred from killing Arthur.”  And so he tells Arthur that Mordred is planning to escape, ultimately leading to Mordred and Kara’s recapture.

But THEN, after THAT, when they’re back in custody -  Merlin urges mercy yet again.  He tells Arthur to “free them both.”  He says, “How will one more death bring about the peace we long for?”  Merlin does not want Kara to be killed.  He does not want Mordred to suffer.  He does not want any of this to have happened; he did not rat Mordred out because he wanted to; he did it because he truly believed (for legitimate reasons) that he had no choice.  Like I talked about in that previous post - Merlin, at this point in the show, feels that his life has no purpose beyond the fulfillment of the destiny that has been prophesied.  He has come to see himself as a tool, with no intrinsic worth or value beyond what he can do to ensure Arthur’s survival (and thus the establishment of peace for all people).  He hates the things he’s supposed to do, but he literally cannot see an escape for himself.  This is just what he was “born” to do.

Even as far back as Season 3 we see this helplessness growing in him:

You feel trapped.  Like your whole life has been planned out for you, and you've got no control over anything, and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny has decided is really the best thing at all.

Merlin, in 5.11, doesn’t feel like what destiny has decided is the best thing.  But he also has reached a point where he feels like he has to do what he was told.  He’s seen the future.  He’s been told by multiple magical and divine sources that Arthur is the Once and Future King who is going to build the “the world we dream of.”  And so he does things that he thinks will enable that future to arrive (like preventing Mordred from running away with Kara), but because these things go so completely against his nature and cause him such pain, he then whips around and says, “Don’t kill her.  Let them go.”  He can’t help himself from slipping back into the kind of person he truly is on the inside.

He is trapped between his true self and what he feels is an inescapable duty.  And every step he takes away from his true nature makes him hate himself more.

Kara’s interview with Arthur, where she refuses to repent her “crimes” in exchange for her life, has one of the most telling, devastating shots in the show, when she says, “It is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.”  The camera, in that moment, is trained on Merlin’s face, not hers:

That is done on purpose.  The cinematography is trying to say something.  It wants us to look at Merlin and listen to Kara’s word’s and hear the contradiction.  It wants us to recognize that Merlin is dying inside.  The absolute MISERY locked down in his expression here!  He has been forced to do things that seem to work against the very goal he’s been told he’s trying to achieve (to have the right to be who he is), and it’s been going on for so long that it’s shattered his soul.  He listens to Kara being able to say that, proudly, without fear, and he hates himself for not being like her.

But he can’t see any way to escape the things he knows he’s supposed to do.  So ultimately, at the very end, he does nothing, and Kara’s execution proceeds.

He despises himself for it, and when Mordred escapes and runs to Morgana, Merlin’s only reaction is a dull, hollow resignation.  He doesn’t blame Mordred for whatever’s going to happen next.  

He blames himself.

This is, yet again, another reason why the Merlin finale is garbage storytelling.

It makes no narrative sense for the show to give us 5.11, which ends with Merlin in quite possibly the darkest and most miserable, conflicted spot he has ever been in, and to then start the next episode with him having a raucous good time at the tavern.  Merlin, after what happens with Kara and Mordred, is not going to be out laughing and cheering, playing dice, and making casual, tongue-in-cheek, meta jokes about his secret like it isn’t the most painful and soul-destroying burden he’s ever had to carry (“Ah, I knew you’d discover my secret in the end.  There is just no fooling you, my lord!”).  It is inconceivable for him to be out partying, after the previous episode.  It’s insulting to me as a viewer, that the writers thought they could show this to me as if it’s an even remotely rational direction for the story to go, as if I’m not going ask “what the HECK is going on???” when I see Merlin gleefully stumbling home like a drunken frat boy, without a care or concern in the world.

There is ZERO tonal consistency between the end of 5.11 and the beginning of 5.12.  It’s horrendous writing, and it’s why I continuously say that Merlin BBC does not actually end, it just STOPS - abruptly cut off after 5.11, with a slapdash two-episode finale tacked on, one which does not actually resolve anyone’s arcs, or address any of the central questions of the show, or follow where the narrative was naturally heading prior to that point.

Merlin’s arc with Mordred is what finally takes him to a place where he is irrevocably, inescapably confronted with the conflict that he has been struggling with from day one - how is he supposed to justify the things that Destiny is asking him to do, when what it’s asking him to do seems to be hurting the very people he’s trying to help?  How is he supposed to reconcile his responsibility to his people (and HIMSELF) with an externally-imposed responsibility to protect Arthur?  He’s been wrestling with this cognitive dissonance for years, and 5.11 is the inevitable crisis point - Kara is dead, Mordred has defected to Morgana, Merlin’s secret is OUT, and Merlin has never hated or doubted himself more.  It makes no sense for the beginning of the next episode to show us Merlin living it up at the tavern.  Merlin is tortured, at the end of 5.11.  He’s dying inside.  The next episode was supposed to be a natural progression from that moment, meaning Merlin should have had the chance to finally confront his conflict head-on, rather than having it all completely wiped away by the pile of garbage that was the finale.

The correct fallout from Mordred’s “turn” should have been a reckoning.  Merlin never wanted to be in conflict with Mordred in the first place; he hated himself for everything he had to do, and I really think the end of 5.11 took us to a place where Merlin had finally been pushed over the edge; it was the last straw.  The only correct progression from that point would have been change, and Merlin was finally desperate enough to do what he needed to do to find himself again and make things right, but we never got to see it, because the people in charge decided to completely abandon every complicated question they’d been pursuing, in favor of “actually Arthur’s the good guy and we’re gonna pretend we didn’t just spend an entire episode reminding people how Camelot is still an unjust place.”

I don’t understand it.  The same people created 5.11, too.  They wrote Kara’s righteous speech.  They framed her execution as an evil, and they framed Mordred’s flight as something Merlin and Arthur brought upon themselves.  

And then they did a 180 and dumped every ethical question they ever raised.  They never let Merlin find his feet or hold his head up high, and I’m honestly never going to forgive them for that.

[patchies]

Shadows

Pairing: Dream x Reader x ???

Summary: An apocalyptic world where creatures of the night roam all around it. Searching for living beings to satisfy their hunger. Vicious creatures they are. It’s said that one person called upon their wrath in revenge. You awake in this place with another human being at your side. No memories whatsoever of the life you’ve had prior to coming here. In search of a way out, and your memories, you stumble upon multiple people with many personalities. Some can’t wait to meet you. If you take it the friendly or hostile way is up to you, but worry not... Nothing can hurt you. Or can it, now?

Warnings: depictions of gore

Word Count: 1.8+k

Author’s Note: This story is heavily inspired by a dream I had around two months ago and it pushed me into writing it. I haven’t ever thought that I would be writing and publishing a story. Let alone in English since it’s very far from my mother language, but I have to admit I like it way more. As I am pretty proud of it, I’ve decided why not just try? This story is not going to be updated very frequently as I hardly find time and motivation, but I have the whole story mostly planned out and I have plenty of ideas for it! There are 7 chapters written altogether as of now and I will try to update at least once a month. I’ve started writing longer chapters from the 6th and those will take longer to finish, but I sincerely hope you’ll enjoy it!

Wattpad link: here

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Chapter 1: The Awakening

Your eyes are met with complete darkness, unable to perceive your surroundings. The creepy, dusty and smoggy atmosphere isn't making you any less uneasy and confused either. Quite the contrary, actually. An unbelievable sickening feeling takes over your stomach and a great migraine is ever so present. Steering your thoughts to completely different places than they're supposed to. You feel the rapid thumping of your heart and panic floats in your head.

It takes you a few minutes until your dilated pupils get used to the blackness, but when they do, you're able to see the outlines of some demolished furniture. Upon fixating more on your surroundings, you distinctly spot the torn plain green wallpaper and empty broken picture frames hanged up on the wall. The tattered blinds covering the cracked windows tell you it's night and you seem to have gained consciousness in the middle of it.

Though, when you attempt to rethink through your day and previous whereabouts, you come up blank. Something like a heavy fog restrains your memories. A metaphorical lock put around it to secure them away from your conscious mind. As much as you try to concentrate on the past, you're left with nothing. It doesn't only leave you grasping for the forgotten past, but it makes you feel stranded and gasping of any, and very needed, recollection.

A sharp inhale of air makes your head rapidly turn in the direction of the sound and squint your eyes. You can hardly see the body of the person. The dark corner makes it difficult to focus, yet the figure still seems to take notice of you instantly, “Who are you…?”

Speaks up a very groggy voice and you can deduce their voice is coming from the shadows. Utterly hidden by the dark abyss. It sounds masculine, so you leave it at that, not taking too much interest in finding out any more information about the strange human. He seems to be in the same situation as you, but you still decide to be cautious around him. He's only a stranger to you, so you aren't going to blindly trust him. After all, stranger-danger is a rule, right?

You choose to stay guarded for now.

“Why does it matter to you?” You harshly reply. There really isn't anything to go off when it comes to his personality and intentions. As much as you'd like to be happy about seeing another human being, you don't know in what situation you are stuck in and you aren't the stupidest, neither the smartest, in the world. You'd rather stay cautious than die, “I'm surprised you have the audacity to speak to me even though you're obscuring your identity from me.”

“Well, if I tell you my name, will you tell me yours?” The stranger suggests, but you're inclined to not let him get through you.

“It doesn't matter to me. All I want is to get out and find whoever brought me here,” you simply say, “or search for my way home. That, doesn't have to involve you, nor your help.”

You turn your back to his voice, brushing him off with your words. Fixating your sight on the few boxes scattered throughout the room. You're sure he can feel your annoyance, but it's valid. He's making non-significant propositions, which is honestly irritable.

“I could help you. We could have each other's back.”

“What have I just said?” You inquire with an annoyed tint, “You have nothing of value to offer me, and you can't even step out of the shadows.”

With that said you slowly start to stand up from your position and look around for a possible exit. The floorboards creak under your weight as you step from foot to foot. The first thing that comes to your mind is to head straight for the windows for some unknown reason. Upon taking several steps to the blinds, you hear the stranger's footsteps echo. Your feet leisurely continue, but you're tempted to check behind you, therefore you do. Just in case he proves to have any malignant tendency.

There's still no silhouette of the other human, hence why you can't confirm what kind of a movement he's executed. With that done, you turn your head back and concentrate on the task at hand.

Once you get close enough to pull the blinds open, a loud screeching noise travelling throughout the whole street alerts both you and your companion. Blood pumps through your body at faster pace and you begin to be sceptical at heart upon hearing the scream of an unidentified creature.

“What the hell was that sound?” You can hear a slight waver in his voice. Presumably from not being able to decipher the inhuman noise from outside.

It didn't seem to scare you as much as it scared him. Although you did flinch back from the window, your guard has stayed high nonetheless the fright you experienced.

You shrug, but after realising he cannot possibly see you very well, you give him a response, “How am I supposed to know? Do you think I'm a witch?”

“Uh– yes and no?” After those words leave his mouth, your head turns to what you assume is his direction and give him a nasty glare. Offended thoughts swim in your head along with the throbbing pain of a headache.

A relatively loud scoff escapes your mouth and you fixate him with a harsh look.

You're sure he's going to die by either your hands, or he'll serve as sacrifice to the creature.

“You've chosen your destiny now, man.”

The scoff that leaves his mouth this time tells you that he's against the idea or he just plainly thinks you're joking. Either way, he's sold his soul by saying those words.

Cutting the conversation off, you finally get to glance outside the window, and you yell out a curse, which is enough to let the thing outside know of your existence. In the matter of seconds, it flies to your window and starts banging against it. It's long arms slam the panels with surprisingly little force. You fall back and try to scramble to your feet as quickly as you can. Can't go around risking your life even upon seeing the strength of the shadowy figure.

The man, who has chosen to stay anonymous up until now, decides against his better judgement to flee on his own to help you up. It doesn't show much strength, but the window already adores quite a few cracks, so you don't think it'll hold up for long.

“Just hurry up!”

As soon as you're stabilised and on both of your legs, you book it to the door. At first, the handle doesn't let you open them, but after a few sharp tugs it gives out and you fall to the floor again. You let out a curse once more, supporting your body on your forearms and stand up. The stranger only snickers behind you.

You stay silent and get your thoughts and clumsiness together.

“Here! We could hide in one of the other rooms!” He hurriedly tries to tug you to the direction he's talking about, but you don't budge. You can't take any risks when you don't know the house's layout and the person in front of you.

“I don't think it's a good idea,” you ponder over your thoughts, but after you hear glass being shattered, you run to another room and to the closest closet you can find. Completely disregarding the terrified look the man threw your way. You duck to the ground as hastily as you can and cover your mouth just in case. Soon wooden boards start creaking in the hallway and, even though you wished the man would be a sacrifice, you hope he's found a safe place and survives this monstrosity.

A rather loud groan is heard somewhat close to you and you peek through the small gap in the closet doors to see a rather disturbing view. One that you wish you haven't.

The creature has found a dead rat (rather beheaded the poor creature beforehand?) and is holding it to its bloody mouth now. Multiple sharp teeth sink over and over into the freshly killed animal, happily munching on the treat. It's turned sideways to you, so you can very clearly see all the contents of the rodent's body as it eats it. It's guts and blood spilling everywhere on the floor and on the demon itself.

You shudder, avert your eyes, and just look at your curled-up knees. ‘What in the name of hell have I just witnessed?’

It takes less than ten minutes to finish its fiesta and you can see the unidentified creature turn to smoke from your peripheral vision. It stays in that form and floats out of the room and you guess it leaves out the window it broke.

Silent tears start to fall down your eyes and you honestly aren't surprised. The whole encounter was traumatic to say the least. To you, it was as if you were the protagonist in a horror movie, being hunted down by some unknown force. Except this is real life that we're talking about. Your life is currently put at stake and you don't want to die so early. Be at the hands of the creature or some other mythical thing.

This won't be the worst thing to happen to you, Reader.  Or will it, now?

Was that demon chasing somebody before I yelled out?

It had seemed to be occupied by something else before you got startled by its presence on the little roof below the window. You can still remember the soulless holes for eyes staring in your direction vividly.

Was it me luring it to us? Could there be more people?

You sit there, contemplating the event that has just happened, for what seems to be forever. Blank stare put onto your hands as you cry and your body succumbs to total numbness. That is until the closet door creak open, forcing you to look up.

There stands a man of average height with messy brown hair. You notice just now how he exactly looks upon not having that much time to do so an hour (was it?) ago.

His eyes convey an emotion close to yours, which is utter fear and confusion. He silently offers you his hand and you gladly, albeit shakily, take it. He pulls you out the door and towards another room with a dusty and an almost broken bed, pulls you into his lap and tucks your head into his neck. Letting you quietly cry while he gently runs his hand across your back. You don't even care a stranger has you in his lap. He lets you cry until you have no more tears running down your cheeks.

Your guarded feelings towards the man begin to crack amidst the comfort you crave right now.

When you're done, you both can't get yourselves to break the silence. You’ve distanced yourself from him, but you both are too afraid to even utter a word and accidentally lure the creature back in. Although, he decides to break it with a small whisper and with an attempt of a comforting smile.

“Do you mind sharing your name with me now?”

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can you make a list on who you think is the most to least reliable of the RFA (+ Minor Trio if you want!) when it comes to pets 👀

gasp you know what yes (I've been wanting to make some lists for a while -maybe least to most bottom of each of the RFA characters LMAO-)

MysMe characters least to most reliable with a pet and what pet would they have:

11. Rika

LMFAO bet ya didn't expect that did ya!? Nah you probably did, anyway the reason why she's the least reliable for a pet it's kinda obvious, first of all, she would refuse to get her pet treatment when it almost turns blind and ma'am? Please help your dog???

Also if at any time the pet dies she would start another cult so let's not risk it with her. Instead of an animal maybe give her a rock instead pfttt (actually wait-no she'd probably throw it at our poor mint coloured hair boy just give her a dog plushy it smth she can't be trusted with alive things)

10. Saeyoung

You may be asking me, Amanda, why, Saeyoung absolutely loves cats he'd be a cool cat dad, and yes, you're right. But you also don't understand that this man's love for cats goes SO far that he will actually cause chaos all around him. He'd give the cat SO many treats, not only that, but he'd also cuddle them, and that's nice tight? Wrong. This man will try to stretch the cat, grab it and twirl it around, reenact the lion king and do the 'Simba' bit and everything. Not only that he'd completely use it to prank Zen and everyone else, overall, he'd be a great pet owner but it'd be too much chaos so let's just stick with loving cats from afar.

Also I feel like he'd get a snake for some reason, and he'd dress them up in like a fancy bowtie a hat, or an iguana or chameleon y'know? He'd go for the amphibian type :o

9. Ray

I love our boy, I really do, but honestly how do you expect him to take care of a dog if he can't take care of himself. 😢

Actually scratch that, if he had a dog he would definitely love it and spoil it, and we live for that but also:

honey focus on yourself too we don't want you to D I E

Maybe give him a hamster or smth, while he's hacking away and watching MC in their room the hamster will be spinning on it's wheel super happy

Or he can have some cute fishes 🐟🐠

And like his brother, because great minds think alike, maybe a chameleon. He'd be pretty scared of them at first but he found one under some flowers and decided to rescue it, and now he sort of ended up adopting it :D

Although I find it pretty unlikely that he'll get a pet, he's more into flowers anyway

(OH WAIT WHAT ABOUT BEES? YA LIKE JAZZ -im sorry pft but now I need to see Ray in like those bee farmer dress things lmao)

8. Zen

I could see him as the pet owner that takes their dogs on walks and such, but honestly, if he's allergic to cats he's probably allergic to other animals too, at least some with a lot of hair! Although I feel like he'd get one of those big dogs and he'd go on runs with it all the time. The dog would be like the ones that are mostly thought of as super dangerous or aggressive but it turns out they're a sweetheart. Either that or a poodle 🐩💀 (but like I said, he's probably allergic to animals with lots of hair.)

HOW ABOUT A PARROT? ZEN COULD TOTALLY PRACTICE HIS LINES AND SONGS WITH THE PARROT AJDNFBFB

7. Jihyun

Jihyun would be pretty good as a pet owner but honestly he'd be super nervous at everything at first. Welcome to the Jihyun apologizing to his pet show akdjdn. But would we trust him with a pet? He wasn't really able to take care of two teenage boys -although it was mostly because he was in a toxic relationship 💀

When he has his sight problems he could totally get those helper dogs? (Forgot what they're called I'm sorry T_T)

He'd probably get a more chill pet tho, maybe a cat (he probably likes them a lot too! Also they're pretty calming.) So he could have like the guide dog and a small kitty too!

6. Jaehee

She'd be an awesome pet mom lol. I don't think she'd get a cat after being traumatized from pet-sitting Elizabeth. Maybe she could get like a turtle 🐢

Or maybe a rat to reenact Ratatouille lmaoo

She wouldn't get big pets unless the MC wanted to adopt something (and if they're a couple, we all know what people who want kids but can't or just aren't able to adopt at the moment, do, they get DOGS AND CATS!!!)

So honestly she'd start understanding why Jumin pampers Elly so much, since your dogs basically your child now PFTTT

Maybe a bunny too? I could see her working with the bunny on her head lmao and that's adorable

Omg imagine her with a SNAKE, HOW BADASS WOULD THAT BE???

5. Suit Saeran

You may be wondering once again, WHAT AND WHY

Let me explain.

Suit would dffinetly get those scary and big dogs that have spiky collars and everything, and he'd probably call him something like Killer or Skull Destroyer, or maybe Blade lmao

And we all know he'd die for his dog. It's the only one he can trust ajdhdbdbd

He'd be like the bad boys that walk around with their dog everywhere growling at people (not just the dog, the two of them)

And "Spike" would be so well taken care of. Believers have to start doing draws to see who feeds the monster dog that always bites them PFTTT

The dog would also dffinetly know how to fight. It'd be cute if the only person he likes appart from Saeran tho is MC hehe

AND you cannot change my mind in this, ever since Saeran got "Dark Knight" (I'm experimenting with the dog names pfft) he's shown him a picture of Saeyoung and taught him to absolutely hate his guts, so Seven, buddy, maybe don't get to close to them lol

AND the backstory for this dog is that Saeran found him under some bushes, hurt, and the dog reminded him of when he was younger, so he took him in and that's how the doggie came to be :3

3. GE Saeran

Idk, he'd also get the normal-ish animals, like a bunny or a cat (he'd like how calming they are.)

He'd be awesome with animals too!

Also uhm, someone please draw him as a farmer AJDHDHD lmaoo that's the first thing that came to mind 😂

He'd be the person that likes animals but like....other people's animals? He'd love to see Elizabeth and such, but he wouldn't really want to have one (unless MC wanted to of course.) It's not that he doesn't like them, it's mostly because he feels more comfortable with other people's pets ajdjdbd

Also he doesn't want them to ruin the garden oop

3. In a tie with Saeran, Yoosung

I forgot about him and didn't want to change the numbers lmao

Yoosung is a vet, c'mon he knows how to deal with animals!

At first he'd be so freaking nervous and would be just like a helicopter parent, making sure the doggie is alright and such, but then he gets the hang of it and he's perfect.

We all know we got a bunny with him too in his GE :D so maybe a dog and a bunny! He'd have more than one pet I'll tell ya that.

2. Jumin

Listen he's the king alright? He pampers his cat SO much, and you can just TELL how much he loves Elly. We all stan a man that loves animals.

He'd probably get some exotic pets too, maybe a few horses and birds that are really exotic or something

But can you imagine him with like....a tiger PFT

He'd be like: omg this is a cat but bigger let me have one

It'd be like Sebastian from Black Butler lol

He'd also be up to a dog, it'd take a bit of convincing but if MC wants one then he'd snap his fingers and get them one immediately (I love this man he's so ADORABLE) and then they'd have two children and Zen wouldn't have to worry about just Elizabeth

1. Vanderwood

Yes! The one! The only!

He's the only one appart from Jaehee that has more than one braincell PFTTTTT

He'd have a pretty big and scary dog that would've an absolute sweetheart when you get to know them. Everyone at first is scared but the dog just wants to sleep and eat, that's all.

Vanderwood is super responsible, I mean after Saeyoung I'm sure a dog would be nothing. He'd also compare Seven to his dog lol "Not even Capitan America is that dirty!"

"you named your dog Capitan America...?"

"shut the hell up or I'm tasing you."

His dog would spend all day sleeping. Sometimes Vanderwood will take him on walks, and they really enjoy that time together.

Vanderwood romance route? Uh, no he's far too in love with his dog to be doing anything else PFT

And you cannot once again change my mind on this:

He talks to his dog when he's alone.

He will tell him about his day as he cooks or does the laundry. He'd be in an apron making some dinner and be all like:

"Ugh, today I had to take care of that no-good for nothing guy again. It's incredible how messy his house can get in just a matter of hours! Not only that, he wasn't eating properly again, that idiot. I had to practically drag him out of his chair and make him eat some food. Not that I'm worried. It'd just be a hassle to have to find another hacker as good as him. Seriously that guy...."

And the dog would be like excuse me do I look like your therapist please just give me food lolol

[lady-salvatore]

The Switch

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Reader

Requested by @cherylmfblossom: Could you do something with Damon where the reader turns off her humanity after something traumatic and he tries to get her to turn it in 💜💜

Notes: slight Klaus x Reader because I’m a hoe for a hybrid ANYWAYS

It was the first time you’d killed someone.

You fell to your knees, cradling the head of the teen boy you’d drained the life out of. He’d had his whole life ahead of him— and you stole that from him.

“I’m sorry,” you gasped, your chest lurching at the feeling of guilt that overcame you.

Damon rushed into the alley you were in. “(Y/N), oh my God...”

You looked back at him, eyes wide. “What did I do?”

Damon came over to you, cradling your face in his hands. “It’s okay, it happens-“

“It’s not okay!” you yelled, pulling away from him. “I killed him! I’m a murderer and a monster!”

“No, baby, listen...”

“You did this to me,” you cried. “You made me into a monster!”

Suddenly, he went cold. He scoffed and stood up. “Well, if that’s what you think of me...”

Your heart paused. “Damon, I didn’t-“

“Sure, you didn’t mean it. Just like you didn’t mean to kill him.” Damon pointed an accusatory finger towards the corpse.

“Damon!” you yelled at him as he sped away, overcome with grief and anger. You let out a sob.

All your emotions felt like waves crashing over you, pulling you under an ocean of pain. You were drowning.

You only knew one way to come up for air.

It’s just a little switch, you thought.

You swam towards the surface, through the guilt and pain. And suddenly, you broke free.

You felt your heart rate slow, your eyes drying. You blinked, and it was gone.

You stood up and wandered down the alley, suddenly forgetting why you were ever upset to begin with, or what that even felt like.

-

Somehow, you found yourself at the bar, downing some kind of bourbon that somebody used to drink. Maybe it was Damon? You didn’t know or care.

You smiled at the bartender over the counter. “Another.”

He hissed. “Ah, you’ve had one too many.”

You grabbed his collar and pulled him towards you. Then, you compelled, “Another, sweetheart.”

The bartender nodded and you sat back in your seat.

You took notice of someone sitting beside you before realizing it was Stefan. You grinned.

You’d always thought Stefan was handsome, but for some reason you couldn’t remember, you were never allowed to make a move.

Oh, that’s right. Damon. Not here now, is he?

“Hey, Stef.” You winked at him.

Stefan looked shocked at first, but then smiled softly. “Hey. Damon told me what happened.”

“Pft.” You waved your hand dismissively. “It’s whatever. I lived, right?”

He looked confused. “I guess.”

“Hey,” you said, peering up at him through thick eyelashes. “Would you maybe wanna get out of here?”

Suddenly, his eyes widened in realization. “You turned it off.”

You faux-gasped. “Did I?” Then, you let a smirk take over your face. “Ah, well, you know what they say.”

Stefan frowned. “What... do they say?”

You grinned. “I don’t care.”

With that, you snapped his neck. You couldn’t have him running to tell Damon, could you? It’d spoil all the fun.

You strutted out of the bar with a smirk on your face.

-

“I turned it off,” you yelled through the Mikaelson mansion in Mystic Falls.

“Finally,” Rebekah said absentmindedly as she flipped through a magazine on the stairs.

You grinned. “I’m super bored. Does there happen to be anyone around here to entertain me?”

Klaus suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs with a smirk on his face. “Well, there’s no harm in having a guest.”

-

You were lying against Klaus’s chest in the living room, him kissing your neck as you giggled.

Suddenly, the door slammed open to reveal your best friend, Bonnie.

“BonBon!” you laughed. “Come, join us.”

She wrinkled her nose. “No, thanks.”

You pouted. “How sad.”

“No, you know what’s sad? You sleeping with Klaus. You hate him!” Bonnie said, exasperated. “And you have a boyfriend, although he’s not much better!”

You rolled your eyes. “Damon left me in my hour of need.”

“And that sucked of him!” Bonnie admitted. “But you can’t abandon the rest of us just because you’re mad at him!”

You got up from your seat and walked over to her. “Bonnie... you understand me more than anyone. We have both spent the better part of our teenage years sacrificing ourselves over and over for Damon. And for once, I don’t care about him at all. If you had a switch, you’d flip it, too.”

Bonnie shook her head. “No, because I’m not a coward. I’m glad I don’t have an out.”

Then, you got an idea. “But what if you did?”

She looked confused for a second. You bit into your wrist and forced your blood into your mouth, before you were restrained by Klaus.

“Sorry, love,” he growled in your ear. “We need a Bennett witch on hand.”

Then, he snapped your neck.

-

You woke up chained to a wall in the Salvatores’ basement. Once you realized where you were, you rolled your eyes.

“Klaus, you snitch!” you growled, kicking the floor. “Dirty rat!”

“Your lover isn’t here to help you,” Damon said, rather condescendingly as he came into your cell.

Your chest tightened uncomfortably. “He’s not a lover. He’s a special friend.”

Damon scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You moved on fast, huh?”

“You left me,” you growled, surprised at the anger you felt bubbling in your chest.

“You called me a monster,” Damon snapped back. “You called yourself a monster.”

“If you didn’t want me to be a monster, you shouldn’t have turned me into one,” you snarled.

Damon shook his head. “I did it to save you, and you know that.”

You laughed. “And now look at us! Even now, you’d rather me be dead!”

Damon’s eyes widened. “That’s what you think?”

“Well, don’t you?” you asked, motioning to your chains.

Damon kneeled beside you and sighed. “I’m gonna take a page out of Elena’s book, if you don’t mind. I’m not giving up on you.”

You glared at him. “If you’re waiting for me to flip it back on, you’ll be waiting a while.”

He glared back. “I’ve got all the time in the world.”

-

It had been a few weeks you’d been in the basement, being starved and tortured. You were sick and tired of it.

Then, they sent in Damon.

He smiled at you. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“You’re here? It must be Christmas,” you rasped.

Damon’s blue eyes sobered. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“This is who I am,” you muttered.

“No, it’s not.” Damon shook his head and sat in front of you with a handful of pictures.

He lifted up the first one— a photo of you and him on Christmas, you laughing and forcing a Santa hat on his head.

“Remember that?” he asked, looking at it himself. “You got me... a trip to Venice.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re trying time bring me back with our little memories? That’s cute.”

Damon smiled and lifted up another. “Look, there’s the trip to Venice. Gondolas, and all that.”

“I did like Venice,” you smiled, then deadpanned. “I think I’ll go there after my escape.”

“Fine,” Damon said, his eyes turning to ice. “What about this one?”

He lifted up a picture of a boy you didn’t recognize at first. Then, with a crushing panic, you realized.

It was the boy you killed.

“His name was Derek,” Damon said. “A friend of Matt’s.”

“Stop it,” you muttered.

“What was that?”

“Stop it!” You growled and threw your head to the side to avoid looking.

Damon grabbed you by your jaw and forced the photo in your eyeline. “He had a little brother, and two dogs.”

You felt your heart thump harder. “Damon, stop! Please stop!”

Damon only glared at you. “He was on the baseball team and he worked part-time to support his mom. He was a good kid, and you killed him.”

You screamed as tears forced themselves out of your eyes. “Damon, stop!”

Damon grabbed your face. “I shouldn’t have left you, but please, you have to come back. I’ll be here this time; I won’t fail you again.”

You were halfway between it all— feeling it all and feeling nothing at the same time; a strange kind of limbo. “It’ll hurt.”

His blue eyes bore into yours. “Life hurts, (Y/N), but it’s real. Come back to me, and I will be here. Now turn it back on.”

With a sudden lurch, your heart sprang to its full speed, and a wave of emotion came down like a tidal wave. You were drowning again— crying and kicking and screaming— but this time Damon’s arms were around you.

“I’ll never leave you again,” he whispered into your ear.

“I’m so sorry,” you cried into his chest, the guilt weighing down on you like the world on Atlas.

He petted your hair. “Me, too.”

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Theorizing about Frida’s character arc in season 2

Okay, the making of this post was triggered by me overthinking that promo picture. My mind had a lot of Thoughts and I figured I might share some of them with you. Let’s go in stages

1- The Marra, magic, and incomplete character arc

In the first season, we see Frida’s development, the one she was due to since her introduction (and I say this as a fan of her character, not a hater) centered around her joining and being used by the Marra, followed by the realization that she’d screwed up. However, it’s very common for us fans to think that her redemption was done in a rushed way, something which I actually talk more about here. That being said, the writing in Hilda is something I appreciate a lot, and I find it hard to believe that the subject of Frida’s redemption, especially after she went through such a rocky road to get it, will be dropped in season two.

Now, we know very little about the Marra, but judging by what we do know, I’m willing to bet there’s a lot of magic involved in the whole nightmare spirit thing. Add that to the traumatizing business that fighting a ghost was, I don’t think Frida is very fond of magic, at this point. In fact, I think she’ll do her best to stay away from it, but not because (or at least not only because) she is scared, but because she feels like she needs to prove a point. She needs to prove it to herself, and most importantly, to her friends, that she is no longer the person who would go every length to be in control, and letting go of magic, a powerful tool in controlling the world around you, is a powerful symbol of her dedication to that. I do think she had some interest in magic even before the Marra situation (mostly because of the crystal ball in her room), but even if she didn’t, this still sort of makes sense in my head.

So, according to this theory of mine, her not using magic in a time of need would be a part of her grownth, right? If that was the case, seeing her resist the Marra again would be a good way to show how she’s changed. However, we have no signs that the Marra will even be there in season two, which kind of leaves me thinking... what if her grownth will be shown by her *using* magic? If she didn’t want to, either because she is scared or because of her trying to let go of this need to be in control, using magic to save her friends would count as development and allow for a pretty emotional episode, wouldn’t it? Well, aside from Frida’s redemption arc, there was another arc that did not get completed in season 1...

2- The Tide Mice and the promo picture

After the events of The Tide Mice, we see the mice at least twice more (that I noticed, in Hilda’s room and in the cemetery), so it’s clear to me that this case hasn’t been closed. With all the magic theme that seems to wait for us on season 2, it sounds very logical that some focus will be given to the tide mice. What does that have to do with Frida? I may be imagining things, but come with me still

Take a look at this cut from the promo picture. I already talked a little about this, but at first the object that Frida is holding looked like a wand to me, but the more I tried to figure out what it was, the more it seemed to be, in fact, a flute.

Aannnd here is the part in which I begin speaking about 100% theories, no canon backing me up whatsoever. So, we know that the Tide Mice problem has to be dealt with, and we have Frida holding a flute here. This combination reminded me of one specific thing: the Pied Piper tale.

For people who are unfamiliar with it, there’s this guy with a magical flute who uses it to rid a town of its rat infestation by “hypnotizing” them with his music and making them all drown. The tale takes a much darker turn after this, but that’s the part that matters for this theory.

(Also, I want you to remember that Luke Pearson said it himself that he takes a lot of inspiration from legends and folk tales. Granted, the Pied Piper is a German tale and not a Scandinavic one, but eh who knows)

Let’s imagine that, somehow and somewhy, the mice become a problem again. Maybe they’re back with Johanna and David, or maybe they found objects belonging to someone else and morphed into lucky charms for those people. The Hilda trio finds out and does the reasonable thing, which is going to the sketchy, mysterious library lady for help. Now, I don’t know if she’d simply give it to them, if she’d help them find it, or if she’d want them to stay out of this particular mess only for them to get it themselves, but eventually they’d come across the information on this magical flute that *gasps* controls the mice! (Maybe it’s in the footnote of the asterisk of the footnote of the asterisk idk that book is confusing)

Speaking of the book in which the enchantment was, look at this little screenshot which I shamelessly stole from the wiki, and most importantly, at the picture in the bottom right corner. We can see a lute player and a few more people in Middle Ages European garnments (date I stretch it and say they look a lot like German Middle Ages clothes...?). Because of the little shadow of a tide mouse in his lute, the most logical conclusion is that he’s using a mouse to become better/luckier at his job. However, this image is right in the part that talks about how to break the enchantment. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it is telling us the way to defeat the tide mice once and for all is through an instrument, but I do think it could be a clue.

So a series of events happen and they get the flute. Cool! Now they can get rid of the mice once and for all! Considering that the tide mice came from, you guessed it, a tide pool, this would tie in really nicely with the detail that the pied piper made the rats drown. Maybe the mice would come back to their pool and stay there because of the music.

But then why would Frida be the one holding the flute in the promo? If that’s anything like what will happen, wouldn’t it make more sense for Hilda to want to help? Welp let’s go to another round of purely theory nonsense

3- Final theory and conclusion

Considering that we don’t know what the mice will be acting like, it’s anyone’s guess what will happen when they become a problem again. But since it fits in this theory and in canon both, I’ll be considering that Hilda is, once more, suffering the effects of the powerful magic she cast. Not only that, but also David and Johanna would be facing similar issues, and there’s only one more human in her close circle.

You already understood where I’m going at this point, BUT we’re also going to imagine another path to get to the same place. Something I really want more of in season 2 because we barely had it before is more information on how magic works in the Hilda verse. Alas, since we don’t, I’m going be using my instinct here: doesn’t it make sense that a person that has at some point been affected by a spell would not be able to break it? Like, if this sort of magic has touched you, it is immune to you? Likewise, if a witch has tried at some point to break a spell and not managed, wouldn’t it be reasonable to think that this spell would have grown a resistance to their magic? I like this theory because it allows my conclusion to make sense even if Johanna and David aren’t the ones being affected by the tide mice this time, and it still has Frida being the one to save the day because she’s the only one in Hilda’s close circle that hasn’t been touched in any way by the tide mice’s magic.

I’ve probably already talked for too long, but here’s what I’m trying to say: an arc in which Frida sacrifices something to save her friends from the Tide Mice would tie in the two lose strings season 1 has left us. And if it was established that she was refraining from getting involved in magic for her friends, and the sacrificed this resolution by using magic to help them, that would deepen her characterization and satisfyingly redempt her.

That’s what I had for today, hope you enjoyed it!

[thefanficmonster]

Darkest Of Nights

Connor Walsh & Michaela Pratt (How to Get Away With Murder)

Warnings: Sexual Assault, Vomiting, Swearing, Spoilers for Season 1 of How To Get Away With Murder

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationship

Summary: On the night of Sam’s murder, it’s safe to say everyone is traumatized, looking for comfort and solace. However, one of them gets the complete opposite: Michaela is only offered more pain and trauma, bringing her to the brink of insanity.

Requested by 🐢 Anon, but also meant as a birthday present for an Anon who recently reached out to me. Happy birthday dear Anon! Hope you have the best one yet! Here’s the fic you requested - I hope it lives up to your expectations! It’s been such an honor to be the person to write you a birthday present and I can only hope I’ve done my job well! Love, Vy ❤

She’s still in utter shock and disbelief. She’s shaking like a leaf as she navigates the roads back to her apartment. It pains her that she’ll have to pass by the Keating house again tonight, knowing what happened there just hours ago. She squeezes the jacket tighter around herself, glad to not see any familiar - or rather any faces at all. The bonfire has gathered every college student, graduate and fan of the sport around itself, giving the streets an emptiness Michaela hasn’t seen before.

Michaela Pratt has always liked planning out her life, having her future laid out in front of her always at her disposal for changing and modifying. She’s always seen herself a successful, envied lawyer in the future, someone other lawyers fear and all wrong-doers want. Because who doesn’t want freedom? She’d pride herself on being the one to bring them that freedom. She’d pride herself on owning a title like Annalise’s - a bitch, a beast and a boss in the courtroom.

However, just like she had everything laid out in front of her eyes, she’s watching it all fall apart. Fall into that very bonfire her and her classmates went to take pictures at to own their alibis. To save themselves from possible suspicion. To paint the picture that they aren’t murderers.

That realization will never soften its blow to her chest and stomach. Every time she repeats the word ‘murderer’ in her mind, her heart skips a bit and her stomach turns, threatening to make her release everything in it onto the pavement she’s walking on. She feels disgusting and dirty, not only because of the ash and mud she has all over herself following the venture into the woods where they dismembered Sam’s body, but because she took part in it. She may have stood aside, crippled by shock, disbelief and disgust, but she’s now a part of it nonetheless.

With her heart and mind racing faster than she’s able to comprehend, she finds herself unable to turn that corner and get onto the street which the Keating house is on. She feels that if she sees that place she might just faint right there on the street and if that doesn’t raise a few questions, nothing will. Instinctively, she continues ahead, heading down the street that will inevitably lead her to where the mob of drunk or half-drunk people are surrounding a huge fire, celebrating something Michaela is less than disinterested in. She feels it’d make for an extra alibi in case the pictures they posted aren’t enough proof of their faux innocence. 

Michaela squints her eyes at the brightness of the fire nearby, sensing both a cough and a sickening feeling climbing up her throat. There are reporter trucks everywhere, ones she sees as the perfect hiding barriers to prevent her from being seen by anyone in case that sickening feeling morphs into an urge to throw up. She quickens her pace, eager to find herself in the safe space between two of the reporter trucks and attempt to calm her heart that’s threatening to beat out of her chest. She’s still visible to anyone walking along the street, but as it was established earlier, the street’s vacant and it seems it’ll remain that way for a little longer so she feels almost invisible and tiny in comparison to the two truck that serve the purpose of her protectors in this very moment.

Placing a hand on the wall of the truck, she doubles over, preparing for the inevitable when she hears a whistle from somewhere close by. Or, more specifically, directly behind her.

“What a view baby!“ A drunken slur of a male voice follows that whistle, causing her to straighten up and turn on her heel as fast as possible. “Is that how women ask to get some nowadays?”

Her stomach’s now in knots and she can’t find her voice to say anything. She’s frozen with fear of the man’s silhouette that’s now approaching her. His features aren’t visible in the dark so even if she did know him - which she’s sure she doesn’t - she wouldn’t be able to recognize him. Not that it matters, recognizing him or not, this man’s intentions are more than clear and more than threatening.

“Silence means yes in my book, babe. So...why don’t we have some fun?“ Before she can even register his proximity, he’s grabbed her wrists and pushed her against one of the trucks. The disgusting fucker holds her wrists at either side of her head, firmly holding them there, ridding her of any chance of escape.

The events she’s had to go through have already weakened her enough but even with that put to the side she’s no match for this guy - he’s a lot stronger and bigger in size. He’s basically towering over her like a predator looming over its prey, toying with it before going in for the kill. And when he does, when she feels his lips on her neck, that’s the final straw.

The need to relieve her insides finally takes over and she starts gagging, causing the son of a bitch to pull away and let go of her. And then she throws up, all over him, earning her the perfect distraction that will buy her enough time to get the fuck out of there. Despite the shaking of her legs and her still-turning stomach, Michaela takes off running, feeling sweat drops forming and running down her forehead. She can hear the cursing of that gross fucker behind her, but luckily she doesn’t take notice of another pair of running footsteps, suggesting she isn’t being followed. Even with this knowledge, she doesn’t stop running. Her brain understands she’s somewhat safe but her heart is racing, her heartbeat echoing in her ears warning her that there’s danger all around. So, she keeps running until she’s less then two blocks away from her apartment complex. 

Her adrenaline levels refuse to lower but her legs have basically turned into jelly and she can’t find it in her to even keep walking, let alone running.  She collapses, a mess of tears, sobbing and fear on the sidewalk. It’s too much. All too much and all too soon and all out of nowhere. She feels violated, vulnerable, unsafe. She feels both fragile and like she’s already been broken into shards. She feels alone and worst part is, she feels like she deserves it. She sees what happened between those two truck as a punishment for having participated in a murder and the gruesome disposal of a dead body.

Michaela Pratt always knew karma would catch up to her, she just never expected it’d be this cruel. 

She got taught the hard way that in the darkest of nights, the most evil of demons attack.

                                                                *  *  *

Connor Walsh is known to be laid back and nonchalant to the point of irritative. However, right now, he’s anything but.

He’s anxious, he’s nervous, he’s still under shock and in mild panic mode. He’s restless, pacing the living room of the Keating home while running his hands through his hair, desperately trying to ignore and push away the memories of the events that took place in this very room less than twenty four hours ago. 

“Where the hell is she?!!“ He takes a portion of his anger out on the wooden coffee table with a punch that will for sure bruise his knuckles. His eyes skim over the two other accomplices who have never looked so out of it: dead, bloodshot eyes carrying a thousand yard stare, neither of them reacting to his rage nor sharing it with him. “How the fuck are you so calm?! How can you just sit there and-!“

“Cause there’s nothing we can do!“ Wes suddenly snaps, “You heard Annalise - she called in, saying she wouldn’t be able to make it. So what, you want us to exhibit even more suspicious behavior by thrashing and yelling all over the place?“

“No, no, no. She had said she couldn’t make it because she had something to take care of. That ‘something’ could be reporting us, how do you not understand that?!“ Connor lashes out again, his fists only tightening this time, not finding a victim to take their hits.

“Michaela wouldn’t do that, she’s not stupid. It’ll immediately tie her to it too. She’ll go to jail like the rest of us.“ Laurel says, much calmer than the two men in the room though it probably has to do with the lack of energy due to the lack of sleep.

“You never know what’s going on in the brain of that selfish woman!“ He mutters, suddenly getting up and grabbing his phone. He storms out into the hallway, already dialing Michaela’s number.

With the device pressed tightly against his ear, the dial tone piercing his head like a screech straight from hell, he runs a frustrated hand over his pale as a sheet face, squeezing his eyes shut. The call eventually goes to voicemail, but that doesn’t stop Connor Walsh. He keeps trying, each attempt falling through, each call getting sent to voicemail after about five rings. Each time his anger boiling hotter.

“The hell do you want?! Can’t you catch a hint?!“ His seventh attempt is proven successful when a familiar female voices answers from the other line.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Princess. Am I bothering you? My most sincere apologies! I just wanted to know if you feel like ratting us out to the police, but if I’m calling at an inconvenient time, please forgive me.“ He sneers, his sanity restraints breaking one by one under the pressure of frustration, fear and the anxiety attack that’s been building in his chest all day today.

“Listen here, Walsh.“ Michaela hisses threateningly, though Conner doesn’t fail to pick up on the fact that there’s something off about her voice. He doesn’t dwell on that, too over-occupied with his worries of future jail time to care. “I’m not in the mood for your selfishness or for dealing with any of what happened last night so save your shit-talking for a more decent time. And as for the ratting part, I ain’t that kind of scum, though karma will catch up to each and every one of you. Just like...“ her voice suddenly cracks, the words sounding more like a sob than a threat, “Just like it caught up to me last night.“ That sentence is spoken through a cry, which is the last thing Connor was expecting to hear from the woman he deemed so high and mighty and so full of herself she can’t see the world around her nor how she’s affecting it with her selfish decisions.

That last sentence of hers is what the call ends on and what anchors itself in his head. Connor’s left standing in the hallway with a sickening feeling in his stomach that wasn’t there before and a little voice telling him that something is very wrong with Michaela. Her words were all her trademark, expected and explainable phrases but her tone, and that final statement were odd and far too out of place for him to just brush off. That last line she spoke felt like the most sincere and vulnerable thing she’s ever said to him. To anyone, really. There was no show, no tough act in those words. It was nothing but the confession of a broken girl who’s never felt like her life isn’t her own until now.

With that alarm ringing throughout his head and no good explanation, instead of turning and heading into the living room like he originally intended to, Connor storms out the front door of the home with fast and determined steps, heading for the destination he never thought he’d go to.

                                                              *  *  *

Having ordered food twenty minutes prior, Michaela doesn’t find the doorbell sounding throughout her apartment to be weird or unwelcome despite the fact it made her jump and shudder in her seat. With the comfort of the tiny pepper spray bottle in the back pocket of her jeans, she makes her way to the front door, resting one hand on the handle before pushing up on her toes to check through the peephole that the person she’s expecting is indeed the one who’s on the other side.

Her stomach drops and frustration rises through the roof when the peephole reveals the familiar, somewhat distressed face of Connor Walsh.

“GO AWAY!“ She yells turning and placing her back against the door, now not at all willing to open it.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on with you!“ She hears his voice coming from beyond the door, sounding strangely honest and deeply concerned.

“Why do you care anyway?! I already told you I won’t rat you out, you’ve got nothing to worry about!“ The lack of hostility in her voice seems to encourage Connor to speak a bit more freely.

“Come on, Shooting Star. Students who kill and dispose of bodies together share problems together.“ He says sarcastically but with true gentility behind his words.

That hint of honesty and a bit of harmless humor is what makes her slowly inch her hand toward the doorknob once again. After briefly hesitating, she pulls the door open, not at all bothered by the fact her rival is seeing her the most unpresentable she ever remembers being: hair a mess, homey clothes she can’t even recall the age of, no make-up, eye bags - the whole pack.

“Don’t like a Princess or a Shooting Star, do I?“ She attempts the same amount of humor he used but coming from her it sounds rather dead and flat, not that it’s not to be expected after everything she went through.

“You look like someone who has seen and been through some shit.“ He says truthfully, still standing in the hallway, unwilling to go inside until she gives him the green light for fear she might suddenly snap at him. “And I’m not only talking about what happened with Sam.“

Michaela’s eyes gloss over with tears immediately, mentally cursing herself for being so obvious. In order to avoid eye-contact, she steps aside to allow him inside.

“Thank you.“ He mutters as he makes his way past her and down the hall, arrogantly comfortable in the new surroundings.

By the time Michaela has started regretting her decision of letting him in, she realizes it’s already too late so she shuts and relocks the door before following after him in the living room where she finds him already situated in the armchair like it’s his 100th time visiting. Hell, like he owns the place.

She takes the seat on the couch closest to him, not bothering to offer him any hospitality in the form of drinks and snacks. Such offer feels ridiculous under these circumstances.  Speaking of ridiculous, the circumstances themselves are ridiculous - her biggest rival, and now one of her partners in crime is chilling in her living room with a smug look on his face.

“Karma’s gonna catch up to me, huh?“ He suddenly speaks up, reminding her yet again of how bad of an idea inviting him in was. “Yours caught up to you, you say. Though to me it seems like it beat and battered you too.“

Michaela’s never been a crier. In fact, she’s guilty of silently judging people she’s witnessed crying, thinking of them as weak and spineless. But here she is, fighting back tears at the memories she’d much rather forget.

“It did, but it had the opposite effect. I’m glad we ridded this world of a piece of scum like him. One less man who feels entitled to everything. Who feel free to take anything he wants anytime.“ Her throat feels dry as her eyes fill with tears despite her best attempts at holding them back, “Take a girl’s virginity, take her dignity, her safety, her life, take everything away from her. And all that when she’s most vulnerable and scared and helpless and...“

Her words come to an abrupt halt when she finds Connor has repositioned himself and is now sitting next to her on the couch, has turned to face her and has placed a reluctant hand on her shoulder, “Michaela, what happened to you?”

That’s when she breaks down for the fifth time today. Since that breakdown on the sidewalk on her way home, she’s found it infinitely harder to hold her tears back, keep her emotions at bay. So, instead of easting her energy holding back, she’s been wasting it sobbing into the comforter she had wrapped around herself like a safety cocoon until Connor rang the doorbell.

Instinctively more than intentionally, Connor wraps his arm around her shoulders as she tries to get a few words out in-between sobs, “This guy....h-he t-tried to....” she can’t even finish the sentence without the entire scene playing out in front of her eyes, causing her stomach to tighten and her sobs to grow louder. “But, I-I got away in time. But Connor, what if I d-didn’t? Oh God, what would’ve happened to me if I didn’t?”

“It’s ok, you’re ok now. You’re safe.“ He murmurs, pulling her closer until her head’s resting on his shoulder, “You’re ok. And don’t you ever think of it as karma, you hear me? You didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that. That was in no way your fault or your punishment. That guy’s gonna meet his punishment if I ever lay my eyes on him though, that’s for sure.“

“I-I didn’t see his face, i-it was too dark.“ She manages to say through the subsided sobbing that has now reduced to crying with the occasional sniffle. “I just heard his voice.” Despite having calmed down, she surprisingly doesn’t feel the need to pull away from Connor, create some distance between them. She doesn’t even dwell on how out of character this is for the both of them, nor does she dwell on the slightly off-putting thought that she’s actually glad to have him by her side. To have someone comforting and reassuring her that what happened is not a result of her own bad actions. That thought haunted her all night, preventing her from even thinking about falling asleep.

“Well, if you ever recognize his voice anywhere, you know you have three experienced killers and dismemberers you can contact to, you know, do the job.“ He says comfortingly, his tone light but still serious.

She can’t help but scoff, “One kill and you’re suddenly hitmen?”

Connor chuckles, “When someone messes with one of our own, we sure as hell are.”

That sentence feels like a bandage on one of Michaela’s many invisible wounds. That one of our own line fills that hole her loneliness drilled into her last night on that sidewalk when she felt so lost and alone and broken. When she felt she had no one to turn to and no one to seek comfort in. 

Among the many things she saw, heard and learned, the most valuable lesson these past twenty four hours have taught Michaela is that after the darkest of nights still comes morning. A bright morning, a new beginning and a helping hand with it. A helping hand, a safe embrace and comforting words. Bonus lesson is that one can never guess where, or rather from who those three elements will be given. These two are a crystal clear example: never did Michaela think she’d find a helping hand, safe embrace and comforting words coming from Connor Walsh. But here they are.

It may be odd and it may be temporary, but she’s not complaining, he doesn’t appear to be doing so either.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #460

“i let it fall - my heart  /  and as it fell, you rose to claim it”

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived? We have a tradition of opening one of the smaller presents on Christmas Eve. If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose? PANTS. I need new pants BADLY. What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc? It really depends on why I was crying and how hard. Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term? Old survey. I really thought he'd be assassinated more than any other president, honestly. Last time you felt suicidal? A couple weeks ago, but they were only passive thoughts. Last time you had butterflies? Sometime today, thinking about things. Biggest asshole you know? Some relative of my sister's in-laws' is so fucking rude. Literally no one likes him, but because he's family, he comes to events, anyway. Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them? No. What song did you last listen to? I'm listening to No Resolve's cover of "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele. I have seriously been into rock/metal covers lately. Ever ridden in a police car? Yes. That's how they transport you from the ER to psych hospitals here. Ever witnessed a murder? JESUS, no. Have you ever lied under oath? No. Have you ever failed a subject before? I failed Algebra I during my last college attempt. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? Noooo. I wouldn't. I want tarantulas, which are venomous (the potency ranging from what side of the world they come from), but even the worst of their venoms isn't fatal. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Yes. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Yeah. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? It's possible, idk. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? None, I think? When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I use a mouse. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? BOY THAT WOULD SUCK Have you ever been tempted to steal? No. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Moonwatcher. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself? Mom, walking to her bedroom after a shower. Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? Pyramid Head from the Silent Hill franchise. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? When I'm driving, no music. I can't focus. Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I'd LOVE a sphinx. I doubt I'm ever getting rats or dogs again, but I do think they're cute. Females, anyway. I'm sorry but hairless male animals are just laksdjfk;lajdwkl;wj for obvious reasons. All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? J, T, D, S. What did you and your ex fight about most? "The" ex, uhhhh... I don't really know. We didn't fight a lot. Don’t you love long hugs? YEAH especially if I'm crying or just in general need comfort. And long kisses? If we're serious and the timing is right, yeah. Have you ever purchased condoms? No. Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No previous ones, no. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. Even I wasn't THAT low. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. My guilty conscience would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? No, and you're fucking garbage if you have. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm humiliated to tell people I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? omfg NO. I would absolutely pull over sobbing, move the animal to the side of the road, and hopefully there will be some wildflowers nearby to rest on it. I'd call whoever picks up roadkill, too. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Take me out to Olive Garden like a basic white bitch & feed me spicy shrimp fritas and u have approximately a 90% chance of getting laid. :eyes emoji: What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Ohhhh I know there's one, but I'm blanking. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? That is like an impossible question. There are so many possible, epic adventures. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? Yup, in the past. Like shut the fuck up, are you the one dating them???? Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? I've done this many, many times. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Idk, there's a lot of people I know like that. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Fall in love. Nothing matches that feeling to me. What would you rate 10/10? markerplayer What do you hope never changes? My resilience. I never want to give up when something knocks me down. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? UM THAT IS MY MOTHER Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to? Girt. Like. Now. But I'm waiting until I actually see him again. This needs to be said to his face. Where is the person you have feelings at right now? He's maybe asleep or just waking up? I don't actually know his exact hours and I know they alternate, but I think he primarily works the night shift at his job? Are you happy with your relationship status? I'm not anymore. I want to be with ^ like very badly. When did you last cry? What for? Today. I'm terrified of loving someone again in the fear of getting very hurt or plain traumatized again. Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? No. When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone? I usually hate questions that assume I can see the future, but I can tell you I plan to whenever I see He Who I've Mentioned a Gazillion Times In Today's Survey Spam. Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently? My dad, in the past. Not currently. What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself? If you wanna count hospital stays, like... a month? Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like? I've been made fun of online once because of my weight. The insult never left me. Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like? No. It's awful. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?” What a dick move. Some people don't like hugs. Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. Anyway, no. I hate my legs WAY too much. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? My sister's in-laws and her husband. Who has your heart? I'm never giving that to another person again. I've got it. But to answer the general question that's being asked, I've fallen like head over heels for Girt. Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I think it's pretty... I don't know the right word. It just seems immoral to me? Especially when you start cloning things with an actual conscience. I can see a lot of problems arising from it. Are you impatient with really shy people? Well no, given I'm one of 'em. Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? Throughout. What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently? Recently? Idk. Would you ever get a fashion mullet? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mullets are so ugly alsdkfj;aljdl;jwe Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? Isn't it historical, documented fact he was a living person? Even if that is true though, I don't believe in his "miracles." Do you believe in spiritual gifts? No. Do you believe in callings? No. If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? UM hell yeah. Pls take pictures of me that help me believe I'm even just 0.001% pretty.

[squidproquoclarice]

Arthur is still very trusting compared to John. Why do you think that is?

I think there’s both some nature and some nurture to that difference in the two men.  Some of it’s just innate personality.  Arthur is more internalized, more philosophical, more led to ask the questions of why things and people are the way they are, and that more readily leads to views like This one person was shitty but I believe most people are good at heart.  We see that with his journal entries late in the game talking about how after so long trying to convince himself everything was terrible and mean, he’s allowed himself to see the good in the world and in people, and what peace that’s brought him.  Arthur’s kind of a gentle soul who’s been forced into a harsh mold.   Though John comes up with some brilliant insight himself.  His “If you win power, remember why you wanted it” in RDR1 is just...(chef’s kiss).  But overall, his moments of speaking philosophy are more resigned and negative.  If Arthur is “I believe the world and most people are good and that will win in the end”, John is more “We and the world are how we are.”  He tends to say lines about why there’s no sense in things sometimes, how some cattle die and some others don’t, and how nothing is ever truly forgiven or forgotten. At one point in Sunrise, Arthur jokingly referred to that as John’s “dour Scottish predestination” whereas Sadie teases him right back that Arthur’s got something of the thoughtful Welsh warrior-bard persona going himself. I do think you have to account for their childhoods as well, though.  Both of them had fairly tough beginnings and then several hellish years struggling to survive as orphaned street rats.  But there are some notable differences.  Arthur’s mother died when he was quite young, but he remembers her a little, and fondly.  From her picture dated 1870, she likely died shortly after, when he was 7. Given the strong implication of abuse from Lyle, and how he remembers Beatrice positively despite that, it’s likely that she didn’t just let it happen.  Like too many women in domestic violence situations, she probably tried to protect Arthur from Lyle, which sometimes drew the abuse onto her.  And I’m guessing some deep, instinctive part of Arthur remembers this as something powerful.  That there was someone who loved him unconditionally, and loved enough to protect him, at her own expense and suffering.  To believe otherwise is to make his mother, and her love for him, into something weak and contemptible.  Nobody has done anything like that since.  He gets plunged into darkness after that, and even more so after Lyle dies and he’s on his own at age 11.  But even as a grown man, it does feel like he’s wistfully searching for that again: he’s looking for love, for acceptance, for selflessness, for compassion, both in himself and in others.  Because he can’t deny that they exist, or claim that it was foolish and weak, without sacrificing the one person who truly loved him when it seems nobody else has.   John, on the other hand, never had that positive influence, even for as short a time as Arthur had it.  His mother died giving birth to him.  From the fact he knows only that she was a sex worker and she died, and his father was a pimp or at least a frequent enough customer to be drawn into his existence, Marston Sr. likely didn’t focus on her aspects and individuality as a person on the likely rare occasions he mentioned her.  The power of lust, not love, is the legacy he gets from his parents.  I don’t think Marston Sr. (Jamie to me) was physically abusive like Lyle, but he was very likely neglectful and made it clear to John he was a tolerated at best, an inconvenience at worst.  And then he dies.  It’s also notable that John’s left entirely alone at age 8, which is several years younger than Arthur was orphaned.  So he’s thrown into an entirely vulnerable and traumatic situation at an earlier age. My guess is Arthur’s secretly looking for kindness and love because he saw them briefly as a child, and he desperately needs to validate once again that they exist, and that they’re powerful rather than exploitable weaknesses as his later experiences try to tell him.  John learns to believe in love himself eventually, but he’s understandably more hesitant to trust it or show it, given the lack of love and comfort he had as a kid himself, and he’s understandably less ready to instinctively trust in a sense of natural altruism in people.  After all, Dutch’s “compassion” was a bunch of bullshit too.  So in 1899, it seems like John’s more inclined to believe in lust and infatuation than genuine lasting love, whereas Arthur’s ideal of love is actually self-abnegation, an extreme of selflessness, sacrifice, and willingness to suffer for others.  (There’s a whole different meta there about that view and how it likely informs his relationship with Mary even post-breakup, and deeply informs his actions in Chapter 6.)

[calypsoff]

Thirty Three.

Staring off from my phone, I hate that I am missing out Robyn and her tour. Just seeing the video and pictures, she looks so well, and I am happy for her, but I miss her myself. Social media is nothing compared to the human touch, her smell, her aura. I miss that and I miss her, and it doesn’t get any easier. Every day my heart yearns for her, just seeing her on pictures makes it worse not in a bad way, I just want her. Like every person in the world does, they all want a piece of Rihanna “you watched that shit three times now, if I have to hear her voice again I am going to snap bro” TJ said, I didn’t even notice it was playing over and over “she looks happy, I like it” locking my phone “that is cool Chris but come on, you played it three times. She sounds flat” side eyeing TJ “whatever, y’all ain’t in love so you don’t know what it’s like. You both can’t speak on something you do not know or understand” they don’t know what love is “I am going to join Robyn on tour, I am seeing Mel” glaring over at Barry “look at your face, nigga relax. I am joking but now I have your attention, I need to do a drop in Cali. What you think?” nodding my head “you can that is fine” I mean I can’t go really, I already fucked up because I wet the whole cast. It was soaking wet, I ain’t seen my leg since well before the whole incident so I got to see it when they took it off and it’s bruised. Few stitches there on my thigh, it looks not bad but bad. I wanted them to not put it back on but they did, of course they would “you both don’t need to stay, my dad is staying so it’s fine. I am not trapping you both to be here for eight weeks” I chuckled “Seiko will have the baby soon, so I will stick around” I forgot about that shit “Seiko asked about you, she said he is dodging death, but I am glad he is well and alive, that sounds so terrible for him and traumatic” raising an eyebrow “she still fancies me?” I laughed “she loves me still huh” made me laugh “she does, I can say that” TJ does not care about that lady, I can tell.

My dad came back from his little Walmart run, we eat too much apparently “I bought Desean with me, he wanted to keep Uncle Chris company” I chuckled “don’t mind me, I am forever sitting in my pants now. What you think?” Desean looked so happy to see me, I ain’t seen him since “you crying? Why you crying” Desean hugged my dad “he’s just being emotional, he was so sad to hear about his uncle being hurt. He is ok, look at him” I didn’t think he would be crying “come here stupid, I am good” waving him over “come on” my dad walked with him “why ain’t you come before? Why now huh?” reaching out my hand and held his arm “because I been sad” I cooed out “come on” wrapping arm around him “uncle ain’t dead yet, someone wants me alive” I chuckled, I didn’t think he would cry “he is banned from the internet too, because he was reading things on there. Very silly things” letting out an oh “what did you read? I was dead?” he nodded his head “dang, it’s not a good place you know. He is right, no more internet but I am ok. I am here with this leg like this, I am now stuck in VA with nothing to do. Sit down” I gestured “we all cried when we heard about Chris Desean, do not be ashamed little man” Barry smiled at him, I think Desean feels ashamed that he is that emotional “I love you little man, I am good. Anyways, you come to play a little gaming with me? That’s all I do now” he smiled nodding his head “I can beat you” I snorted laughing “you could beat my ass too” shaking my head smiling.

I thought I would beat my nephew in this game but what kind of man would I be, I let him win “why you staying here, it’s nice but why?” pausing the game “I am disabled, like I can’t get up the stairs and shit. It’s hard, I get tired doing things because I can really only use this hand. My dad helps me sometimes, but I need everything close by so Robyn put me in this nice place, so I am comfortable” my nephew’ eyes widened “Rihanna?” he said shocked “yeah, she made this happen for me. I appreciate it. At first I didn’t but I do now, I get to wheel myself outside the back yard with all that scenery, I can get around more then what I could have back home, it’s peace and just time for me to heal” at first I did hate Robyn for throwing me here, but I am happy, I am at peace and I get to have me time and nobody can see me “that is so cool, Rihanna buying you these things. She love you uncle?” I chuckled rubbing my face “I think she does, I hope she do but nephew. I love her, I can’t wait to see her again. The reason I got hit was because the man that came wanted Robyn, he wanted to be with her and that scares me alone. I just can’t wait to be with Robyn, move to her. I ain’t going to play like I do. If I keep playing then one day I will get killed and I left her with no kid and no title? What kind of nigga am I” shaking my head “I want you to marry Rihanna, I would” I chuckled “you want me too huh? You want Rihanna to be your auntie” my nephew got ever so excited “Rihanna my auntie yo” he is funny “I need to stack up my money first, I want to get her the biggest diamond. Soon, trust me” sighing out “my nigga thinking marriage and babies, I love that for you. Your uncle is a good man, you need to look up to any nigga. Minus your dad, cause he a deadbeat but you look to him. Your uncle is a good man that just gets in the wrong crowd” my nephew nodded his head smiling at me “I love you” I cooed out.

Watching TJ, Barry and Desean play basketball outside “you’re letting him win bro, push him down!” I shouted; they are being too kind to my nephew. My mobile started ringing in my hand, Robyn is calling me finally. She was asleep obviously; well she was catching up with her sleep, so I left her to it and she is calling me “hey twin” answering the call, a biggest smile on my face. I adore hearing Robyn’ voice “poppa, I miss you so fucking much. We need to facetime tonight. I am not sure if you will be awake though, but I want to facetime you, I enjoyed it even though you fall asleep on me” she knows damn well I can’t stay awake now “I be tired as hell, do you hang up straight away or watch me?” she is going to not tell me the truth “I honestly watch you for a while, I miss you so why wouldn’t I?” she got a point, Desean shouted as TJ pushed him down “where are you? Outside?” Robyn asked “yeah, just watching the boys play basketball with my nephew. Nice to get fresh air, my dad is saying he is going to shave my hair off. Like all off, what you think to that?” let me test her “uhhh, you seen the size of your head but also I am having my hair done. But I won’t show you until tonight. I need to get off the bus and get to the hotel, once I have my hair done I will facetime you. But are you shaving your hair off? We can show off then huh?” Robyn wants me too “aight then, so it’s a fashion show?” I grinned “why not poppa, I miss my boyfriend a lot. I do” she keeps saying this but how she thinks I feel.

They are so loud on the tour bus; Robyn hasn’t put the phone down on me we are just on the phone while doing our own thing “how is poppa!!” I heard Yusuf shout, Robyn laughed “don’t call him that, Chris. Yusuf is asking how you are, you are on loud speaker” Robyn must really call me poppa everywhere “I am good thank you, I am missing my girl though. Me and CJ both do” I chuckled “who the hell is CJ?” Yusuf asked, “my dick” Robyn yelped out “enough!” she spat “he calls his dick CJ? Oh chile, this nigga is stupid. Chris junior? His dick small, Rih you said he was big” Robyn started shouting so I couldn’t hear “why you had to say that! You’re so stupid, enough!” I am in need of a release “I miss you though, I be watching your concert videos. I see the pictures of you, I just get jealous that these fans get to touch you and I can’t, I miss your touch Robyn. I do” she cooed out “it’s hard, please don’t tell you done anything stupid? I still can’t believe you wet your whole cast, how slow can you be” rubbing my head laughing “I needed a shower and it just happened, what can I say. But I am going to go now twin, I am having a nap so I can be ready for the facetime” Robyn cooed out “awww you excited, I am too. Speak then I love you” I like facetiming Robyn; I could stare at her face all day.

I look like a naked mole rat; I am bald as fuck. From the top of my head down to my beard, just all gone. I think it was for the best because it’s just growing out “you’re bald like me now son, we look alike now” my dad kissed the top of my head “dad” moving my head away, he really out here kissing my bald head “Chris you really got a large head, it’s even worse now” I chuckled touching the top of my head “it’s all good, Robyn also is getting a new haircut or whatever. We are facetiming later, well soon anyways” TJ cooed out “is that why you getting your phone charged, looking all pretty and shit for her, that is cute” I like to facetime her, I feel we don’t get that time as much as we do and would like so seeing her face on my phone makes me happy “isn’t Robyn going to move out of that place? I mean would you go back there? I wouldn’t” shaking my head “nah, I don’t think I would. I mean once Robyn understands that I know she will end up wanting to move but I am thinking on moving in with her, I want to be close to her. Build a future with Robyn, time is too precious. I need to move on, I need to get married to her and make her a mother. I need to be a father, why am I waiting? To die, just scares me. I am always near death; I can always smell death. Shit is scary for me, so I have decided that I will be with Robyn, like moving in with her” I need to grow up with all that shit, it’s time for that “proud of you son” my dad smiled at me.

Holding my phone waiting for the facetime to connect, Robyn is facetiming me so damn late like she knows I don’t really stay awake for long. The facetime connected finally “wifi is terrible here” Robyn said but she is nowhere to be seen on the facetime and then she walked into the view of the phone in a robe, legs out too. I just admired the view I am seeing “my hair Chris!” Robyn spat, I am not even caring for the hair because I am admiring her legs “wait, oh my god. Chris you are actually naked? I mean face wise, oh my god!” she spat with a blunt in hand, oh wait. Robyn has had her hair done, she looks amazing “Robyn you look so amazing, like you look well. Meaning everything, you look like you have gained weight too, wow” I am shook “aww thank you poppa, you seen my shaved side on my hair, you like it? See how a haircut can change your whole face” Robyn started posing and pouting on facetime which made me smile “you really think I look good” she grabbed her phone from the side “amazing, like you look so happy. The twinkle in your eyes too, wow” Robyn looks sexy as fuck and here I am “this is good, I been wanting to gain weight. But I just been eating junk food, that is all. Nothing new or different there” staring at Robyn’ face as she walked with the phone in hand, the love of my life.

I am not even going to front but Robyn looks so good, maybe it’s her hair that has done it but I am liking it “tell me how you feel, enough of the compliments. Tell me how your mental health is? I am glad to see you are not crying anymore, so how are you feeling in yourself” I can keep on talking about how beautiful she looks but clearly she doesn’t want to hear that “erm, I feel good. I am grateful for you Robyn because I kind disliked you for making me come here, for everything. When I came here I was still a little angry about it all but being here, it’s peaceful. I can heal in peace; my mental health is good. I am good, I still worry about you though. I always check your fanpages, they have up to date whereabouts of you so I am doing it through that but I don’t trust people, like your safety means a lot to me and now you looking like a whole meal like that, I think I got a lot to worry about” Robyn sneakily moved the phone back and showed her bare legs “stop being a tease” Robyn giggled “I will stop but thank you, I feel like you are feigning over me huh” licking my lips smiling, I am thirsty as hell right now because I want her.