#WHY THE FUCK AM I GONNA BE 16 IN 4 MONTHS????

[my-faymelodyz]

Each month that passes by

The closer I get to becoming 16

[orcelito]

There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.

I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.

[fuck-customers]

Fuck being a manager. It sucks. Is it worth the pay raise? Unsure.

Side note I'm the kind of manager who is also like fuck management, fuck corporate, the employees deserve more recognition bc they're doing the work, that kind of thing.

But customers will find out you're a manager and instantly complain about whatever bullshit they pick that day.

Some dumb shit I've heard:

1. Cashier was too fast

2. Cashier was too slow

3. Cashier wasn't fluent in Spanish (we are in Connecticut) the cashier in question knew enough to get by.

4. The fish was too expensive and I specifically should mark it down bc its "just fish"?

5. The ground beef was too bloody (???)

6. Not enough parking spaces close to the doors cuz I def have control over that

7. Someone who does not have a handicap sticker parked in the handicap spot (pls don't do that but also wtf am I supposed to do)

8. A baby is being too loud and I need to kick them out (no way. At this point the baby was singing the ABCs and not screaming so it was cute actually stfu)

9. There's dust on this shelf so everything here must me expired (the bottom shelf gets dusty bc sweeping.)

10. The card reader is too loud

11. The construction outside is too loud

12. We don't sell (insert product here) and I must have control over orders (i dont)

13. A customer smells like weed and I should kick them out (no)

14. Its too hot. Or too cold. Or too dry. Or too whatever.

15. The cream cheese was too high on the shelf

16. The red light in the intersection outside takes too long

17. A customer smells like they haven't showered in months and I need to kick them out (no)

18. We don't sell loose lemons only in the bag of 5. Cuz I have control over our merch.

19. The carts are too loud and squeaky

20. They don't like seeing employees cleaning anything how dare they sweep during open hours.

So many more but I hit 20.

Like what is it that makes a customer want to bitch about anything at all to a manager? Why can't you tell me that the cashier was nice so that I can leave a note for my boss? These things don't fucking matter at all usually. I'll handle a co plaint if its valid. If its bs like this I'm gonna just ignore it. Maybe write it down to send it to this blog.

Fuck. I'm over it. Tell me what we're doing right for once okay?

Also sorry if some shit didn't make sense I currently have a fever and nothing is coming out right

I hope you feel better soon.

-Rodney

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 46

chapter 70:

1. “And now the furniture is covered in dust, the books haven't been touched, the flowers are dead, the food has spoiled, and all the little pieces of himself from before feel foreign to him, like they're from a complete stranger.”

why did i blindly hope that crimson rivers couldn’t get more sad??

2. “Regulus couldn't have imagined it, then. Barty dying. Being dead. He was safe, aged out from reapings, and he would have made it if the war hadn't taken him.”

i want to gnaw on something. this is driving me crazy. i need to go eat dirt oh my god

3. every time i briefly forget about evan in this fic, his name is name dropped like a fucking bomb from the sky and i literally want to break a window

4. “And then there's Sirius, who barely knows what to do with his own pain, struggling to balance it, like he's not allowed to have it, feeling like an imposter for simply daring to grieve a man who wasn't his father as a father, as if that man didn't love him as a son.” the monty and sirius bond are still making me cry, actually

5. “I know I will be dead long before you read this,”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

once again, had to voice memo my freind

6. welcome back to another round of lily vs the fridge

7. mary: you love dorcas

lily: NOOO!!! only you babes 😘

mary: fucking dumbass

8. idk how to explain it, but i’m glad that mary and lily (and dorcas and marlene) had such complex relationships. they weren’t just the badass lesbians who had it all together and had a perfect relationship that scoffed at the silly boys. they love just as hard and fumble just as hard. their relationships are far from perfect and are very messy. i love it

9. “His dad watched these flowers bloom.

His dad never saw them die.”

*eye twitch*

10. maybe i shouldn’t blame dorcas, but i’m kinda pissed at her for not showing up to marlene’s funeral

11. “Barty got a funeral, too. Regulus planned that one, and you could tell, because it was done so delicately.”

screaming crying throwing up

what if i never spoke again? as like some sort of stupid protest? as like a statement to show how upset i am over bartys death? huh?? what would you do then bizzarestars????? huh?????????

12. “Vanity got honored as a war hero in the Hallow, a statue raised in her honor on the castle grounds, replacing Riddle's legacy.” i’m actually losing my mind. i want to shovel grass in my mouth and chew stained glass. idk or drink a latte or something

13. bro i’m so mad that sirius was 100% right about how james wouldn’t grieve around him, always wanting to take care of sirius, which is why he has to leave. i’m so mad. i’m so mad. this is gonna hurt

14. “”Fucking hell, James, we're still in love, so calm down. It's—it's not an actual breakup, you know."” -sirius

😭😭😭 they’re such soulmates omg

15. oh god it hurt more than i thought. james thought sirius was about to break the news about remus leaving. not sirius leaving. james never once considered that sirius would leave

16. SNSKDNJSNSMSKSM THEYRE KISSING YAY OMG JEGULUS KISSS OMGGG AFTER LITERALLY TWO MONTHS THEYRE KISSING AGAIN

chapter 71:

1. “[Regulus] is such a sweet boy, and yes, yes, [Effie] has seen him murder, but that matters very little to her, overall” me talking about my favorite characters 🥰

2. wolfstar

currently wanting to gnaw through concrete and plywood over them

3. “Remus also calls Lily every day. They're more discreet about it, not practically confessing their love and trying to make out through the screen the way James and Sirius do”

remus: this is my boyfreind sirius, and that’s my boyfreind’s boyfreind, james ♥️

4. remus thinking of sirius as a helicopter parent towards regulus has me in fucking tears omg that’s so funny

5. “That's the first time they have sex after the war, when Remus tells Sirius how he made Riddle pay for all that he'd done.”

idk, but that’s not the sentence i was expecting

6. 😭😭😭 remus realizing that lyall never liked any of his ex boyfreinds, and the fact that he approves of sirius, the murderer, is laughable

7. jealous sirius kissing remus within an inch of his life 😭😭😭

8. “It's no secret that Sirius likes the hickies, but it's not just him; the truth is, the only thing Remus likes more than getting to put them there is getting to see them there.”

uhhh um uhhhhh hot

9. 👀 they getting nasty

10. james being a teacher >>>>>>>>>>>

11. what are sirius and regulus gonna get up to?

12. it’s heartbreaking that lily and mary have to raise bingley. on one hand, it’s domestic and it’s their little family. on the other hand, they never should have had to do this. lily cooks and tucks him into bed and raises him. but she’s not his mom. and mary raises bingley. but she’s not his mom. and it’s so scary to navigate this

13. THE BAGELS

14. james’ knife kink >>>>>>>>>

15. omg i’m a blubbering mess. they have a home together!!!

16. hello!???? they’re dancing together????? in their home?????? what if i burst into tears?????

17. AWWWWW JAMES PROPOSED AGAIN

18. please please please please tell me we get a marriage chapter

[svgvru]

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐓! since its NNN, im doing a fluffy or angsty event thingy. (i will be making a smutty fic on that). so...FLUFFVEMBER OR WHUMPVEMBER whatever the fuck you want to call it. regardless, there's gonna be one fic for every week, (maybe two if i'm feeling spicy) plus a fic on the last day of the month. but im not going to push myself this month. regardless, angst prompts and fluff prompts will be listed below (these will be used in the future).

just request a prompt (up to five) with any character thats in my fandoms list. here's the form to fill out!

𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙

1. "we can be sick together." 2. "your problems are my problems, okay!" 3. "i'm always here for you, i need you to know that." 4. "can we do that again? my eyes were closed." 5. "i love you." 6. "yes, i unfortunately love this idiot." 7. "your lucky you're cute." 8. "you and only you." 9. "oh? do i make you blush?" 10. "a hug . . . i want a hug." 11. "you don't need to do anything, i've got you . . . just say yes." 12. "you're everything to me." 13. "my place, is by your side." 14. "you're the only one who—the only one who's made me feel like . . . this." 15. "you're special. i can feel it." 16. "my heart yearns for you, and you only." 17. "if you can't find a reason to live, live for me." 18. "nah, your stuck with me." 19. "are you sure about this?" 20. "i have never been so sure about how i feel than now." 21. "it think i deserve a reward . . . maybeee a kiss?" 22. "do you want my jacket?" 23. "trust me, i can read you like a book." 24. "i've missed you." 25. "i am never leaving you, understand?!" 26. "just—just a little longer, please?" 27. "aren't you handsome? well, i mean your not handsome—wait no! i mean you are handsome! but i didn't mean it in a—well maybe i kinda did . . . just—! im gonna shut up . . . " 28. "the second you flashed that smile, i fell in love." 29. "you're my favorite . . . everything." 30. "i've got this, you rest." 31. "Just close your eyes . . . i promise you, it'll be all over soon." 32. "oh. oh." 33. "as much as i hate to say it! . . . i need you . . ." 34. "you're love is like a blanket . . . and fortunately i'm always cold." 35. "i will always choose you. whether it be over someone else, or the world. it will always be you."

𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗦𝗧

1. "i loved you . . . " 2. "you were everything to me . . . " 3. "i can't—i can't do this anymore." 4. "no, you're a widow (can be replaced with anything) who's taken her grieving too far." 5. "i guess i was too niave . . . " 6. "why did you make me fall for you?" 7. "nope . . . what i've fallen for is a lie." 8. "you don't get nor desreve a second chance!" 9. "guess i'm just the rebound . . . " 10. "you . . . turned me into this." 11. "i can't fight anymore . . . i wan't to lose this battle. please let me lose . . . " 12. "i wish you were gay . . . " 13. "i wish you were a girl." 14. "what if . . . what if i just let it kill me?" 15. "we aren't—good for each other . . . not anymore." 16. "you're not good enough for me." 17. "oh. oh." 18. "what are we if we aren't together?" 19. "i . . . I HATE YOU!" 20. "you lied to me . . . ?" 21. "my heart, my soul, my body . . . all of it to you. and you fucked (/fell for) someone else?!" 22. "you promised me . . . " 23. "im so sorry. im so so sorry!" 24. "i couldn't keep my promise . . . " 25. "please—please don't leave!" 26. "i never should've let you in." 27. "what makes you think you still have that privilege?" 28. "you can't leave and then demand something from me . . . " 29. "you broke me so devoid of care, threw me away like a toy . . . and you want me to welcome you back?" 30. "no . . . you lost me." 31. "oh? well where's that bitch?" 32. "you thought that wouldn't hurt me?" 33. "i . . . i hope they make you smile." 34. "no. this—is not who i fell in love with. you are no longer my husband/wife and i am no longer your husband/wife." 35. "give me my ring . . . you don't deserve to wear it."

more prompts are likely to be added! if there are requests, then i will update this post to have a masterlist! 2/5 SLOTS FILLED.

[thewickerking]

mutual 1: WDYM none of you have heard explosion gun ???? theyre from the 1930s, sure but they literally made the best song ever [long title or series of numbers that have no meaning]

mutual 2: hey guys can you fill out this survey for my class? its about 15 minutes and it would mean a lot!! i love you

mutual 3: ughhhhh can this guy stop flirting with me? i told him to kill himself after he said [horrifically racist sentence] and he hasnt gotten the hint

mutual 4: im liveblogging a game from 12 years ago if you dont want spoilers im tagging my posts about it as #plwm3 liveblog !!

mutual 5: [poll] should i brutally murder this oc before or after he gets divorced

mutual 6: ok I knowwww im learning 6 languages rn but it would be so fun to learn russian.....

mutual 7: what do you mean you freaks dont dip your bananas in orange juice??? This is literally so normal why are you call me the weird one

mutual 8: just finished meeting up with mutual 9 irl it was so fun im gonna miss you now that you're home again </3

mutual 9: mutual 8 locked me in a basement for 4 hours and played clown music. i wish i couldve stayed longer

mutual 10: OMG THE NEW TRAILER FOR BRIMBLUS JUST DROPPED?????? EVERYONEEE LOOOOOOOK

mutual 11: my dad got me a milkshake breakdown cancelled everyone 🎉🎉

mutual 12: this post reminds me of *******

mutual 13: mutual ^ is talking about scorblo btw

mutual 12: HEY???? MUTUAL 13???? CAN YOU KILL YOURSELF????

mutual 14: [describes the most horrific repeated childhood trauma] but idk if im allowed to say i have mental illness cause im not diagnosed

mutual 15: guys do you think im more blue or purple coded :3

mutual 16: in response to all the transformers fandom callout calling me lesbophobic and racist: [ten paragraphs that make it clear they're clearly the only normal person in this scenario]

mutual 17: wait you guys are actually going to pumpkin patches? i thought those were made up ive never seen a pumpkin irl before...

mutual 18: guys can anybody see me. Please. No one's responding am I shadowbanned or do you all hate me [they're shadowbanned]

mutual 19: ugh this one customer keeps brutally murdering our servers at the restaurant i work at i wanna quit sooo bad but i might get promoted soon so idk

mutual 20: [reblogs a web weaving post about judas] UGH i need to fuck him sloppy style and **** ****** ***** **** *** ***

mutual 21: spam reblogs a genshin character

mutual 22: [screenshot of mutual 21s blog with filtered tags of the characters] you're lucky i care about you so much.

mutual 23: i think im losing my grip on reality. omg wait but look at this cute dog i saw walking home the other day

mutual 24: hi everyone! i just got back from a 6 month social media break :) hope everyones been doing well!

[cerebralinvasion]

february yandere event!!

yikes! i just realized i haven’t posted here in like a month! soooo partially as an apology but mainly because i decided it’d be fun, we’re gonna do a little event! every day of february i’ll write a little bsd x reader drabble for you from this prompt list! with the twist being that all prompts are yandere inspired hehe… i don’t assign characters to a prompt until the day of so feel free to request characters for any day you want! one character can even have multiple slots!! okay that’s all for the notes!! list of prompts below!

1. “Aw, are you gonna cry? Go ahead, it’s not gonna change anything.” (kouyou)

2. “Please be good for me. I don’t want to hurt you.” (atsushi)

3. “I’m doing this for you! Why are you trying to stop me?!” (ranpo)

4. “My life is so bleak without you.”(dazai)

5. “I don’t care if your eyes are filled with love or hate, I just want you to look at me.” (higuchi)

6. “Did you really think you could escape?”(dazai)

7. “I’m all you have left now.”(mushitarou)

8. “What do they have that I don’t?!” (akutagawa)

9. “One more chance! I’m giving you one more chance to fucking stop resisting!” (chuuya)

10. “This might sound weird, but I like it when you’re sick. Because then you let me take care of you.”(yosano)

11. “Sweetheart…where are you hiding? I know you’re here. Come out, come out, wherever you are. I’ll find you anyways, I can hear your breathing.” (jouno)

12. “I don’t mind being a monster as long as I’m your monster.”(akutagawa)

13. “Listen, I’m giving you two choices. Either you start eating willingly or I’ll force you. There’s no way I’m letting you starve yourself to death.”(chuuya)

14. “Why…why do you keep resisting me? That’s not fair! Don’t I deserve to be happy too?!”(akutagawa)

15. “Love is patient. I, however, am not.”(mori)

16. “I just want to protect you. Nothing wrong with that, is it?”(jouno)

17. “Silly little thing. Don’t you realize that this is all your fault?” (fyodor)

18. “These people are stupid! Can’t they see that you’re mine?!” (ranpo)

19. “Good morning ~! Sleep well? I hope the bindings aren’t too tight. Did you know you’re quite the restless sleeper?” (dazai)

20. “hopeless? You think I’m hopeless? Sweetheart. Pigeon. Dove. Don’t you see that you’re the one caged here?”(nikolai)

21. “those bruises… did i do that…?”(chuuya)

22. “oh, you aren’t that drunk, don’t worry. i just drugged you.”(dazai)

23. “i keep pencils you’ve chewed on, pictures i’ve printed of you, clothes i’ve stolen from your room… you think i’m a creep, don’t you?”(poe)

24. “want to escape? tell me, what other person would ever love someone like you?” (fyodor)

25. “I know how fucked up this is. It’s just―there’s no other way I can keep you safe.”(chuuya)

26. “you don’t know how much i hate being this way- but i can’t change.” (tetcho)

27. “Don’t you dare fucking try it. You know you can’t outrun me.” (chuuya)

[taysanimaladventures]

Just gonna. Bitch a bit lol. I'm sorry I don't have anything positive to share on here anymore. But I think prospective keepers need to know the shit that happens in this field.

Trigger warnings for animal neglect and death.

I was let go from a job. When I was working part time at my local zoo they underpaid me severely. I needed to take part time because my grandma was dying. I lived with my husband but the pay was so bad and hours were limited to 16 a week so I was forced to get a second job.

I quit the zoo last year which is a whole story in itself, but we are keeping it simple here. I think once I am a but cozy I will share that story and all the other stories at some point. Anyways I stuck with this second job for the past year while processing my grandmother's illness and eventual death to at least earn some income. However after my grandma passed I decided for certain I wanted to leave the industry. I learned the hard way that changing careers is not easy so I was sticking with them only for cash during this frustrating job search.

This second job was taking care of ambassador animals for an educational program. Nothing fancy, just a collection of small mammals, reptiles, amphibians, inverts, and an owl. My boss acted like she worshipped the ground I walked on because I busted my ass trying to help them rebuild their animal collection after their old one was lost to a wildfire.

I did a lot for them. A lot. I found reliable breeders to purchase from, set up the entire animal care work room, wrote care sheets for every single animal, created schedules, deep cleaned, did research and gave advice, and more. All of this while juggling a nasty sleep issue, depression and anxiety from my grandma's situation, and mental health issues up the wazoo from changing around medication.

Now while I bust my balls for my animals, over the years and years of exposure to terrible situations I have not been the most..... palatable person. I had a breakdown when my boss brought in a new bearded dragon and made little effort to quarantine it. I was irritated after the 4th time I come back from the weekend to empty water dishes and dirtier-than-normal cages. I got huffy with the people who take animals for making stupid mistakes, such as leaving a lamp on the edge of a snake enclosure causing it to melt. I had repeatedly requested my boss re-train staff so mistakes were minimal. She always said she would but I never saw a change. She even admitted to me she noticed staff were in deep conversation while handling animals which is probably why the mistakes were happening. And she wonders why I got pissed off at them??

My patience eventually ran dry after like 4 months of this shit and my boss -appeared- to be understanding that I have extensive trauma and I act the way I do because of it. It's not like I ever called anyone a mean name or bullied them, like I was the victim of way too many times when I first started out. I was outwardly unhappy, did not want to converse with anyone, and had a tone and was short sometimes. People still walked on eggshells around me. And you know what? I didn't give a shit and I still don't. I was a lone wolf in my duties and I wasn't required to converse with anyone except my boss. Plus no one here matters except for the animals. When you are careless with my animals, I am going to be pissed off.

But apparently my (now former) boss showed what really matters to her. She gave the keeper who forgot to refill water bowls a million chances to do better and never let her go. That keeper was the reason I even wrote those care sheets. But me? I'm grumpy and I challenge the status quo. Got to go. After blowing smoke up my ass for two years, saying I'm amazing and valuable and I can share anything with her and giving me a stupid piece of tape with stars on it for handling a sick animal.

I snapped from the stress.You should take a break. Ok, I'll take a fucking break! And then, a few days after my grandma's funeral which she knew about, I get an email: Oh so you can't come back this isn't working out anymore.

Sorry, what?

So I am here to shame the other shit this job did. Of course I spoke up, but it did not change anything.

-Two male rats kept in this cage. They were separated because they were fighting. They now live in two of these cages. I asked for a bigger cage. Blown off. I asked if the DIY guy could fuse the cages. "There's no point if we are getting a bigger cage." A year later, still the same cages. Btw they have diarrhea often.

-Rescued bearded dragon was brought in underweight. Boss said feed her insects every day (she was at least a year old, young but not a baby). Beardie starts getting chunkier and chunkier. I say hey we need to cut back in the notes. Ignored for a few weeks. She is morbidly obese. Only then the boss says cut back. She is also dead now and I only know this since I checked records while on "break." Wanna bet that was the morbid obesity?

-Another bearded dragon not feeling well. Eyes closed, black bearding. I'm hollering for him to be seen. "Oh it may just be because it's cooling down." Eventually sees the vet, the fucking quack says he's trying to brumate. I've never owned beardies but I called bs. Nothing was done except blasting more heat on him. Nothing changes. A week later, he vomits blood and dies. It was kidney failure.

-Leopard gecko not eating and slowly losing weight. In the notes several times over the course of a few months, "he is not eating and losing weight." I guess it was my bad for putting it in the notes I assumed were getting read instead of verbally telling my boss. Got ignored until I verbally told her. Gecko needed to be put down.

-Rabbit taken to programs way too often. He comes back and looks worn the fuck out. I bring this concern up to boss. "Yeah, we need to get a third rabbit." But otherwise nothing changes.

-Accepts a hermann's tortoise in a glass enclosure that nonstop runs into the glass, promises a tortoise table but here we are again a year later.

-Says yes to a frilled lizard from the quack of a vet as an apology for what happened with the beardie. Takes the vets word that his enclosure (a horizontal, not vertical enclosure with newspaper only and a red lamp and heat pad) is correct and it's "just like caring for a bearded dragon." The poor thing stops eating and the skin of her frills is dead from being unable to shed. Their solution is force feeding her. Fed up with leadership, I research the species and learned that everything we did was wrong. I set up proper lighting and substrate for her (can't do much about a vertical enclosure). She bounces back.

-"This animal doesn't look good, it shouldn't be taken to programs." "Okay" -2 days later they are back at programs- "Sorry we needed it."

I get that I was not necessarily a great person in this story, but I truly feel justified because this was such bullshit to deal with and now I am truly free of this hellish industry. I am unemployed and it's uncomfortable but it's better than dealing with this bullshit.

To my husband, friends, and family helping me get through this: thank you.

To Stephanie: fuck you.

[youmakemyhearthowl]

Punk Princess

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10| Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 (Next Part)

Also please go check out THIS fan art done by @heavenlycrashes

Steve was about ready to vibrate out of his skin. He was absolutely over the moon when he woke up Friday, pulling on the Hellfire shirt Eddie had given him, and El had taken a bunch of fabric paint to, adding pastel hearts and flowers to it, mixed in with deep red and black ones. The pants he wore on the El and Max shopping trip slipped on easily, with the new patchwork pastel pink he’s sewn into a few places.  He’s got his fishnets under it, so they peek out through the massive hole on the left thigh that Dustin had said he should add and not patch for the vibes of it all.  He slips his jacket on with his vest over it and sighs.

Today, he was gonna ask Eddie out.

He was only mildly worried Eddie might say no. 

And like Steve wasn’t an idiot, alright. He knew that Eddie liked him too, knew that Eddie would say yes. But while he wasn’t stupid, Steve had learned he was a bad boyfriend. Even though he’d tried, like really tried with Nancy, to make her happy, and make sure she wasn’t alone with the guilt about Barb.

It was all just bullshit though. 

And he’s not really sure why that had hurt so bad, when Nancy and him had only dated a few months, before she went and slept with Jonathan at the end of the school year, and told Steve that everything about him was bullshit. Maybe it was because she was the first person he’d been really truly himself with, opened up to her in a way he never had, and to her the real him, was bullshit. 

He should have just let her go the first time he thought she cheated on him.

But he really had loved her.

And he’d gone off the fucking deep end after that, the bender, the bar fights, all of it, just pushed on by the fact that the first time he’d started to let his guard down he still wasn’t enough.

All this to say, he was terrified to ask Eddie out.

But he was going to do it. Today.

“You look like you’re going to throw up.” Robin chirped, slamming the car door as she climbed in. “

“I think I am probably going to throw up. Jesus Christ.” Steve leans his face on the steering wheel, “I’m gonna ask him, Buck. Today.” The fucking pitch of the squeal she lets out, turning towards him and grabbing his shoulders in each hand.

“Steve! Yes, oh thank god, I was so tired of telling people ‘no they’re just friends.’ Gareth owes me 20 bucks!” She's positively beaming at him, shaking him slightly as she babbles. “Steve, this is so big! Okay, okay how are you going to do it?” The unfiltered love, and excitement she has written all over her face makes his chest squeeze, God he loved her.

“I was gonna just…. Ask?” She pulls her hands off his arms, throwing them up in the air to emphasize her groan, scream, whatever the fuck that noise is she’s making. Steve makes a distraught noise at her in return shoving her back over towards her side of the car so he could put it in gear and start making their way towards the school.

“Steve, Steve , you have to do something like, weird and out there to ask him! It’s Eddie! I mean, you could write it in mud and he’d definitely say yes, but come on, this is months, months  in the making, Dingus!” Her hands are flying all over the place as she speaks, bouncing in her seat. “This is so good, I can not wait to rub it in Gareth’s face that you asked first!” That startles a laugh out of Steve as he pulls into the parking lot, looking over at his best friend while he puts the car in park.

“You’re gonna ruin it either way if you don’t chill out about it.” He can feel his face stretch into a smile, his anxiety pushed down in favor of the giddiness Robin is emitting around her. He reaches out and squishes her cheeks between his hands, her lips puckering slightly under the pressure, and she tries to glare at him, but the effect is, simply, not there.

“I’ve got a plan babe. He’ll lose his mind.” He smirks, placing a kiss on her forehead before releasing her face and climbing out of the car. Robin's excited energy always has a way of rubbing off on him and bringing any mood he was in, out of the gutter. He was bound and determined to hold onto that excitement and not dwell on the failed relationship of the past, when a hand lands on his shoulder just after Robin kisses his cheek goodbye before she bounds over to where Chrissy is waiting for her at her locker. 

“Steve.” 

It’s like thinking about her had somehow summoned Nancy Wheeler out of wherever she’d been the entire school year. 

His stomach clenches. 

They hadn’t spoken since the break up the day before summer break. Hadn’t even been in the same room as each other, even when picking up Mike. Mike always met him at the end of his driveway so Steve wouldn’t have to interact with her, but somehow the same day he’s finally ready to push forward and move on, her Wheeler senses tingled and there she was in all her Nancy glory.  He turns to face her, indifferent mask carefully sliding into place on his own face as their eyes meet. 

“Nancy.” He nods, tilting his head to tell her he’s not about to actively participate in this conversation unless she’s the one initiating everything. 

“I’m really worried about you Steve.” 

Steve’s muscles lock up suddenly, not really knowing what to expect from her, but definitely not her pinched smile or the judgment in her eyes. 

“And why, pray tell, is that?” God he’s been hanging out with Eddie too much, if he’s starting to talk like him too. He can feel his expression hardening from indifference to aggravation as she begins speaking again. 

“This isn’t you Steve. This whole look, and attitude you have going on. I don’t know what happened to you over the summer, and I was willing to let it slide for a while, figuring you were working through some things, but Steve what the hell is going on with you?”

Steve feels white hot anger inching into every crevice of his body, boiling around and seeping into the ache Nancy usually leaves in his chest. 

“You were willing to let me do this? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He’s vaguely aware of Robin and Chrissy making their way closer to him at his raised tone. And he’s distinctly aware he wished Eddie was here too, because Eddie calms that anger that flickers in him sometimes. Eddie, although not a calm person, always brings calm and warmth with him. 

“Steve, you look like a-”

“A what? A freak? Yeah come on Nancy you can say it. Although I didn’t hear you complaining about freaks when you cheated on me with one.” He snaps, his hands balling into fists. He doesn't really feel bad calling Jonathan that, but it still brings an uncomfortable feeling to his gut. It feels like a flash of who he used to be, but he and Jonathan have long since buried the hatchet between them, Jon explaining that Nancy had told him she was already broken up with Steve when they had slept together. He’d felt just as betrayed as Steve but was happily committed to his long distance boyfriend Argyle now, and Jon and Steve actually would meet up once a week for a smoke sesh these days.

Nancy’s looking at him like she used to when they were together and he’d messed up something he wasn’t even aware could be messed up, and Steve felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin with anger. Nancy had no right to him, or any part of him and here she was pretending like it was okay for her to speak her mind about his new everything. She takes a slight step back, like he’d slapped her but keeps her expression level. Ever the journalist. 

“Steve, what has gotten into you. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.” 

“You don’t. And frankly I’m starting to realize maybe you never really did. Save your fake worry over who I’m becoming and keep your opinions on it to yourself.” Robin is at his side then, sliding under his arm into her spot there at his side, Chrissy surprisingly on his other side, uncoiling his hand and holding it in her delicate one. 

“I happen to really like who I’m becoming and I won’t let people, won’t let you try to tell me who I am anymore. It’s all bullshit anyways isn’t it?” He finishes, the anger gone at the contact of his friends, just a cool bored tone seeping back into his voice. 

And that’s the thing isn’t it? Nancy never really did know him. Sure, he’d been softer and kinder with her, hopelessly romantic and in love, but she was only ever wrapped up in her own desire to act out, which is why she’d dated resident party boy King Steve to begin with. She wanted to rebel and show people she wasn’t who they thought she was, so she only saw Steve as exactly who everyone else did, no amount of anything he had done was going to change that. And when Barb died, Nancy was so understandably wrapped up in the pain of that loss, she stopped giving a shit about anyone else’s feelings or anyone else really at all.

“Actually,” he starts as Nancy goes to turn around and walk away, “Thanks for doing this today. It helped settle some things in me that I needed to realize so I could move forward.” He tossed the last part over his shoulder as he wrapped his free arm around Chrissy’s shoulders and tucked her into his other side, making their way towards where the Hellfire club usually bumbled along in the mornings. 

“Steve, I’m so proud of you.” Robin smiles, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I know how hard that must have been” 

“You know what Robs, I’m really proud of me too. I realized a lot of things from all that. And honestly can I just reiterate to you how thankful I am for your friendship over the last year.” He places a kiss on her temple before turning to Chrissy. “And that totally wasn’t your battle, but thank you for the support and comfort you offered. It helped a ton.” He hesitates for a second before he just decides fuck it and places a kiss to her temple as well. Chrissy giggles at the soft affection.

“Us ex.preps gotta stick together Steve.” Her face takes on a serious look, nodding to herself before continuing, “Speaking of, let’s meet up sometime this weekend, Hellfire and us, I wanna pick your brain about some things.” Robin beams at the other girl and Steve chuckles softly. He’s way better off now then he ever was before. 

And Yeah, sure, he was still terrified he was going to fuck everything up with Eddie. But the fact of the matter was he liked Eddie, and he wanted to be happy, and with his two girls under each arm he felt like for once, maybe he deserved that.

—

Originally, Steve was going to ask Eddie out first thing that morning, but Robin was right, Eddie deserved something more than a simple ask and he was bound and determined to make this perfect. It had been hard to not just blurt it out when Eddie had wrapped around his back like an octopus at the lockers, but he’d held his tongue because this needed to be perfect. He was so excited, he’d skipped his first few classes of the day, sneaking over to the middle school to hopefully corral his gremlins to offer him some help on his quest. 

Oh man he was calling it a quest now, he’d really been falling into the nerd herd with the rest of his favorite people. Not that he was complaining really, DnD although hard for him to really follow still sometimes, was one of his favorite things of the week, whether it was watching Eddie walk the kids through their campaign, or playing in the one on Fridays at Hellfire. 

And DnD was important to the people he loved, and it was an integral part of Eddie, so he knew a general idea of what he wanted to do with this ask, but he also knew he’d need the kids' help to really nail it down. 

He hoisted himself over the fence at the back of the middle school, over to where he knew the kids usually hung out when they were ditching class or if they had a free period. Usually, the little dorks didn’t skip classes often, unless it was gym or history, and lucky for Steve that was the first two classes of Dustin’s day today, so he was perched casually on the swing set over here, a DnD manual open on his lap, while he hurriedly wrote notes down into his notebook.  Steve smirked to himself, sneaking up behind him silently, and sucking in a deep breath ready to yell in the younger boy's ear, when Dustin let out a dramatic sigh.

“Steve, those boots are like a negative 12 to your stealth.” Steve blows out the breath he’d taken in, loudly groaning as he throws himself onto the swing next to his sudo little brother.

“I’m great at being sneaky, these boots make like no noise.”

“Well then maybe it's all the metal on your clothing I heard.” Dustin beams over at him, shoving his notebook into the DnD manual to hold his place in the text. “Or the metal in your face, Jesus, when did you get a nose ring Steve?” Steve’s hand instinctively goes up to his nose, touching the hoop gingerly. 

“I’ve had it for a while now, I got it the same time as the rest, I’d just lost my hoop for it and have been wearing the one that makes it look like a freckle. Not my fault, no one noticed it.” Dustins rolls his eyes as Steve speaks, twisting the swing he’s on back and forth. “Also you really shouldn’t be skipping class right now.”

“You’re one to talk!” Steve snorts, ruffling the hat on top of the younger boy's head.

“Yea okay that’s fair, and really I shouldn’t complain too much, cause if you weren’t here I wouldn't be able to ask for your help.” Steve turns in the swing, planting his feet to hold it in place facing Dustin, and Dustin mimics his exact movement. Steve braces himself for whatever reaction his next sentence it’s going to get outta the younger boy. 

“I need to find a nerd way to ask Eddie out.” He watches as the words sink in, Dustin’s eyes growing wider until he’s throwing himself off the swing and bouncing up and down on his feet.

“Fuck yes! I knew it! Although Lucas and Max were pretty sure you’ve been dating for months now. Oh this is so good. Yes!” Dustin’s practically sprinting around in circles in his excitement, pulling a loud happy laugh from Steve as he watches.

“So you guys are okay with it?”

“Okay with it? Steve! Me, Will, El and Max have been basically planning your wedding to Eddie since like January.” Dustin’s smile is toothless and happy, and so, so young, it sort of hits Steve again that these kids are like 14. Fuck, it’s so nice to see Dustin act his age. Steve lets out another bark of laughter, motioning for Dustin to come and sit back down.

“Alright, alright, well if you ever want it to get that far, I need your help on how to ask him out.”

“Oh I have the perfect idea!” Dustin lisps out, throwing himself back into the swing. “It’s a great way for you to not have to make all the choices, cause I know you kinda hate that, but that's sorta the whole point of asking someone on a date you planned right?” He spins the swing around and around as he’s talking, all excited energy. “But, The Party we have a great way to plan our hang outs! And it involves rolling a D20, so Eddie’s gonna looove that.” Steve’s just listening, a large smile over taking his face at the fact that not only do the kids seem to support this, but that Dustin is so ready to help, it makes Steve’s heart feel warm in his chest. These kids mean everything to him, and to know he means that much back its a little overwhelming, but in the best fucking way possible. 

“So basically, what I think you can do is, write a list of places to eat, places to hang after or before, and outfits to wear! Then have Eddie roll the D20 and whatever number it lands on is what you’ll do! That way, Eddie is still a part of the picking places process, but it’s still your date to plan!” Dustin lets the swing unravel from where he’d twisted it all up, spinning quickly round and round in circles. Steve watches with amusement, as Dustin tries to get his bearings again after spinning so much before he continues talking.

“Steve, seriously, this is the best news. Eddie is a super cool dude, and he seems to make you really happy. I’m like, ecstatic that this is happening.” Like a fawn trying to walk, Dustin stands on wobbly legs before throwing himself into Steve’s arms. 

“I still have dibs on being your best friend though.”

“That’s Robin.” Dustin groans at his response.

“Then I’m your brother, which means you’re stuck with me for life . And I get to be the best man at the wedding.” Steve’s pretty sure the entire middle school could hear his responding laughter.

[jellybeanium124]

adhd vent

cannot believe my psych might require me to do like $3000 and 16 hours of testing to """"prove""" I have adhd. give me 10 minutes I will leave you without a shadow of a doubt.

every couple of months I have this day. I never know when it will happen. but very rarely, I will have a day where I can just... do things. call the people I need to call, email the people I need to email, clean my apartment, run errands. I can get like 4 or 5 things done and I have to fucking milk it when it comes because most days are not like this.

most days getting 1 thing done is a win. getting nothing done is average. getting nothing done + being so filled with bees I can't even focus on stuff that's meant to be entertaining for more than a minute is a bad day. if I get the closing shift there's a 70% chance I will do nothing else that day because I do not have any sense of how time works and am worried if I leave the house to do groceries I will be late for work. on a good day I can do laundry before a closing shift. I never even remember to contact people until a time where I can't (at work, night). I can't even begin building habits like "exercise" because I don't want to do it and forming a habit for something that is technically unnecessary for my survival and I don't want to do is impossible.

there's a decent chance I will do absolutely 0 things on my days off because I'm so beat from work. this is part of why I'm getting into records. I have to LEAVE THE HOUSE to go to a record store. and because it is FUN and I might get a TREAT (new record) I am actually able to sometimes do it. this would be less of an issue if I had more friends where I lived. But Circumstances happened and now I only have one friend where I live. all my other friends are in [HOMETOWN]. I'm working on a second friend.

everything has an exact place in my apartment and if something isn't in its place (or for objects that move a lot, like my phone, one of its few places) I have Absolutely No Fucking Idea Where I Put It. I still have my TI-84 calculator from high school and I still use it if I know I'm gonna do multiple calculations in a row bc I will not remember the previous answers and the TI-84 records it for me. I keep it in my desk drawer. once I thought I lost my phone for like 10 minutes because I used my calculator and then put my phone in the drawer when I was done with the calculator. it took me forever to retrace my steps and realize what I did. I forget things one second after they happen.

I was constantly struggling to turn homework in on time from 7th-9th grade (12-14) and I only "fixed" that problem by developing severe anxiety over turning in homework late. and then I lived with severe anxiety during school years from 9th grade through my freshman year of college (14-18). idk why it suddenly didn't come back my sophomore year. probably because I moved out.

I wanna work in the film industry but that's driven by my effort and I can't even fucking remember I should be doing something about it most of the time!! and then reaching out to people is so difficult! sometimes for anxiety reasons but sometimes I just can't work up whatever I fucking need to work up to respond to an email. I love this work and once I'm on set I'm a hard worker and generally good (people seem to like me) but getting on set has been damn near impossible and not just because it's a difficult industry to break into.

this has just been my life. for 10 fucking years. and it's worse now because I don't have the structure of school or my parents looming over me. I only pay my rent because I have a calendar alert set up every month. I only pay for wifi and my credit card bills because they let you set up auto payments. my roommate is in charge of the electric bill and whenever they text me what my half of this month's payment is I have to venmo them immediately or it will never happen. when my calendar alert to take my birth control pops up on my laptop I don't let myself close it until I've swallowed that pill. when my alarm goes off telling me whatever's in the oven needs to come out, I don't shut it off until I'm out of my seat, otherwise I'd accidentally keep watching youtube or whatever and burn everything. everything's a calendar alert, everything's on a timer, I have a physical fucking whiteboard calendar on my desk to remind me of everything. if I didn't have these things set up and I didn't force myself to be diligent about it, I'd never remember when I needed to go to work, and banks and landlords would start coming after me.

my car is out of windshield wiper fluid. only the driver's side window goes down. the AC's out. and most recently the aux cord stopped working (this happened before and I got a new cord which worked for a short while so I think there's something wrong with the car). and I haven't fucking found the time to take it to someone and get it fixed. my AC is out!! in june!!! and I can only open one window!!! and I suffer because the car still technically works and drives me where I need to go and since this isn't life threatening or otherwise immediately pressing I have no idea when I will get to this!!!

I just want the days where doing two things being a major accomplishment to be a thing of the past. I want it to be a distant memory. I want to be able to function like everyone else.

you don't need to send me to someone for 16 hours across two days and cost me $3000. Idk what more proof you could possibly fucking need. give me the goddamn pills that will make my brain work.

[featureenvyproductions]

my thoughts on how to do Basically Kinda cel animation but cheap as fuck PART 2

If you haven't seen part 1 of this you can find it here:

INTRO

Ok so where were we. We had gotten through penciling last time. This part won't be super ultra mega as involved because we won't be like. You know. Building a shitty light box.

We will however be doing 🎉ink and paint🎉

I probably made you buy some of the things you need in the previous part of the tutorial but let's go over all the ingredients you need for this part. Once again the whole point of these is not to have you make the most super duper high quality thing to ever exist that will make god herself cry at the marvel wrought by your skilled hand the point is to Traditional Animate TM if you're fucking broke as shit and get your shit out there no matter what because you're stubborn and you can do this and no one is gonna keep you down. Like in part 1, I bought EVERY SINGLE ITEM in this list at the dollar store, ensuring pretty much maximum affordability (you likely will not have to go back for extras later so these will mostly be one time purchases unless you're trying to animate a bazillion fucking frames). You may even have most of this laying around your house.

You will need

-sharpie (don't worry! They have eliminated the horrible smell from when we were young! There's still a bit of smell but it's not as bad or as dangerous especially if you leave the windows open) get at least black or a dark color but you can get additional colors if you like

-clear page protectors (these come in packs of 16 and you will need 4 for every dollar store drawing pad's worth of frames if you're intending to use the whole pad. Otherwise just get as many as you need. If you need more than 8-10 packs however it becomes more cost effective to go to a big box store and buy a pack with several hundred protectors)

-gloves. You'll want to wear these while inking and painting because it'll reduce the chance you'll get a bunch of finger prints on the clear sheets, or paint on your hands. The dollar store sells nitrile gloves so I'll use those here, but typically I actually buy white cotton gloves in bulk for this.

-acrylic paint (I recommend getting at least 2-4 colors - like 2 contrasting colors and white+black. you can do a lot with a light color + darker version of the contrasting color or a dark color + white though. And you can just have ONE color only if thats what you want. It's just important to remember that you will NOT be able to dilute the paint with water if that's what you're used to doing. You also cant go wrong with just primary colors + white but my store was out of blue and yellow so :/)

-craft adhesive, specifically the dollar store kind or something like it. I'll elaborate on why later but it's really important. If you don't have a dollar tree in your area, I think the closest thing would be tacky glue? I honestly straight up do not know though. You need something paintable but ultimately MORE STICKY/TACKY than it is wet. If that makes sense

-something to mix paint on (for the sake of only getting things from the dollar store I got paper plates)....I didn't take a picture of this but I feel like you know what a paper plate is probably. You're on the depression meals enthusiast website after all

-something to put water in to mix your brush (or just use the sink I guess)

-something to dry your brush (like paper towels. I am so so serious you will need a dry ass brush)

-brushes. One of those sets with some pointy ones and some less pointy ones will work. We're not going for perfection here. Just don't get something so chonky you can't do little corners and don't get something so small painting a larger area will press your rage buttons

Ok. Onto the process.

A Note on Backgrounds

I forgot if I explicitly mentioned backgrounds in the last tutorial but if all you did was draw stationary settings on the "animation paper" for back drops then all you will need to do is go over the lines with a sharpie or even just darken them and shade with your pencil. You do not need to transfer stationary backgrounds to a cel using the process in the following section unless you really want to (it does make painting easier, but I didn't paint most of my backgrounds for my animation aside from the occasional detail. If you aren't painting detail inside outlines or animating something like say water or snow, transferring to a cel is really unnecessary). Kind of like the background below (of course, you'll note that this is a piece of paper taped to a page protector. I don't know why I didn't take a picture of literally anything else. Same idea though you just won't have to tape it to a page protector to align the image if you already drew your background on the punched paper)

Ok now onto the stuff that DOES move.

Inking

Ok! So let's in the frames you penciled when following the last tutorial. For this part, you will want your sharpie(s) and page protectors. And gloves wear the gloves.

The way this works.....In traditional animation, you would typically trace over the pencil drawings you made on the animation paper, but trace onto clear sheets that can be composited later to make one who frame of the scene. Like photoshop layers but manual.

Essentially we're going to use the page protectors as our cels and ink onto those. Typically you would use acetate cels, but the fact that no one is using them these days means there aren't a lot being made and it means that you will be shipping them from a billion miles away and they're going to cost you like 75 cents - a dollar PER CEL. Not PER FRAME. If you are animating multiple things, you're likely going to be using multiple cels per frame and it adds up so fucking fast. You also would ink onto those with something like India ink or thinned cel paint. Which are also of course expensive (these days of course people mostly do digital inking and scan their pencil drawings and trace over them onto a new layer in something like photoshop but since the focus of this info dump is the broke people equivalent of traditional animation we won't be doing that here - though you're free to like chuck this tutorial into the sun and do it anyway idc I'm not your dad).

Instead we're going to trace pencil drawings onto page protectors with a sharpie.

It's really simple.

-Take the first pencil sketch in your sequence and stick it on your peg bar (we did all this in part 1 - pencils and making the peg bar).

-Put a page protector on the peg bar as well, right on top of the pencil sketch. Mine had a bumpy side. I put the bumpy side down and inked on the smooth side. If the cel feels like it's sliding you can hold the top in place by putting a bit of tape along the top edge

-Trace the pencil lines you want to keep with the sharpie. If you got a dark one i recommend using that for most of the lines bc it'll show up better but it can look cool to combine colors as long as they're kind of dark ish (important bc this will not be as dark as traditional ink) but it's your call. Also make sure to indicate the frame number somewhere inconspicuous like the very bottom next to the peg holes. Probably a good time to mention that you absolutely need to use the same type of page protector you used to line up the peg bar holes in part 1, though if you want to re-punch holes in your page protectors and use a different brand I guess I'm not going to stop you. I also won't stop you for trying other ink, but I am going to tell you that in my lengthy journey to find something that would stay on these and not smudge, sharpie was the ONLY think that could do it (well and alcohol markers like Copics, but they are way too expensive for this tutorial and don't show up as well).

-Repeat for the next pencil in the sequence etc

When you're done with those let's move onto paint! Dry time for sharpies is pretty short.

Painting!!

Ok this part was a bit of a challenge for me to figure out because NOTHING wants to stick to these little shits. What I didn't pay in money I paid in rage I guess. But I did figure it out.

Here's what I came up with. For this part you'll need all the other supplies in the ingredients list (and no I don't plan to stop calling it that I have a really boring sense of humor and it's still funny to me after 5 times and you count your lucky blessings I haven't amused myself further by switching to Ingredience).

-once the sharpie is dry on one of your inked cels, put the cel face down and make sure it's held in place with the peg bar (you won't be tracing anything in this step obviously but it'll help keep things steady). By face down I mean the inked side should be up against your drawing surface - you'll be painting on the back of the cel (so like if you drew on the smooth side then paint on the bumpy side) (I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS STEP. I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE)

-Mix up your first color but HOLD OFF ON PAINTING TILL YOU READ THE NEXT STEP (Also note that what you start with matters - Paint from smallest most detailed area to biggest area, allowing dry time between step along the way. Basically figure out any detail areas and paint those first)

-Add glue to the paint on your pallette. I had a world of a time figuring out how to do the paint for this because NOTHING wants to stick to page protectors. I experimented with several types of glue mix ins to see if I could get it to adhere. After trying to mix the acrylic paint with (individually) Elmer's glue equivalent, modgepodge, and a watery more instant craft adhesive, I realized none of those would work. The paint just continued to bead up on the "cel". The dollar tree liquid craft adhesive did however cause the acrylic paint to stick. I experimented with the ratio and found that typically adding glue in the amount of 25-50% of the paint volume was sufficient to get the paint to stop beading, while still not diluting it so much as to cause it to dry clear or translucent.

In the first picture below, paint + that glue on the left was by far the most successful.

-ok! Go ahead and paint! - like I said before, start with details, let them dry, then do larger areas on top. Let everything dry. You may need two coats for larger areas but yeah wait for jt to dry before deciding. (Oh yeah I fucked up one of my pegs so I wasn't putting the thing on the peg bar here, mostly also bc I had nothing to trace anyway. I did also lose my tape so I'm holding it in place with a piece of kneadable eraser. You don't have to do this you can use tape just dont get it on the part of the image you intend to have in the shot (and chances are you WILL crop some of the final image in post anyway))

Once you've done all this and all your frames are dry it's time to put it all together! And that will be the topic of part 3, which will come soon! (I will show how I did it for Fate For A King, but I also realize people may not have access to all the same things, so I'm doing a bit of experimentation to find other methods of eventually ending up with a thing you can upload to tumblr ultimately)

If you click the following link and it takes you to a complete post then yay! That means I came back and wrote it at some point. If you go there and it's still a placeholder post though don't worry! I will get to it, I just want a working link here in case anyone reblogs this in the future so they won't have to go piece together the whole trail of posts.

Part 3 link!

[memberment]

Good evening

Guys I just got home from work and proofread everything I needed to including this next Dandelion chapter and I'm trying so hard not to just fucking SOB over it.

I hate it here I want out LMFAOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WHY DID I WRITE THIS FR

10:59 update......

I'm thinking about an absolutely diabolical twist for the Trin series(it doesn't actually change the story in any way, if anything it actually makes it make so much more sense). Like, I've been ruminating on it since last night but idk if it's gonna throw people off. But at the same time like part twos and threes never do as good anyways so do I really even care?? Like, I'm just out here telling stories in fanfic font bc I would rather throw myself in the street than make OCs and not share my fun little stories.

I think I may commit to it.

I don't wanna say it on here though bc it's one of those plot twists you get will not forget even though part three is like FOREVER out.

The more I think about it the more I wanna do it. Someone tell me I should do it.

Oh my god I am shutting up and finishing reading Dandelion, y'all will hear my virtual screams in approximately one and a half business hours.

(11:43) I'm actually fucking sobbing and I didn't even start the last few chapters. Like, I'm actually crying over this. It's not funny.

(12:00) Never by mag lo coming on while I'm finishing up reading this is not funny. I'm devastated. I hope you all hate me after this oh my god I feel like I just ruined my own life. WHY IS IT SO MUCH WORSE AFTER BEING DONE WITH THIS FIC FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No more angst from me for a long while. I'm banned.

(12:20) Me skimming through tags on fics debating if I want to pick up something new. Everything being totally normal. Suh happy. Trying not to stew in my own misery. And then I see such a vile tag my stomach twists and now I'm just like okay I'll go fuck myself I guess I'll go write or do my homework. I'm sorry, I adore ao3 and I'm never gonna be a hater, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE WILD. LIKE I AM TALKING SO BAD I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING DOING MY HOMEWORK OVER THAT. LIKE I ACTUALLY JUST WIPED THE TEARS OFF MY FACE AND GOT OVER HOW SAD I WAS BECAUSE OF HOW GENUINELY SHOCKED I WAS. Like wow oh wow.

Anyways. Updates here if there's gonna be any. Also Dandelions up if anyones reading this LMAO

It's 1:40 in the morning and the beginning of Morning Glory is making me fucking unwell. I was not joking when I made that joke about like ten dreaded weeks of angst, Jesus Christ.

(2:12) This is my second time posting this exact part. Like I know I've posted this exact part. But I seriously love Christophe and all of his dialogue with my whole heart.

(4:31) I do not recall making Dova this tragic and I'm literally about to sob over him. LIKE WHY???? WHY DID I DO THAT??? WHY ARE HIS LITTLE SUBTLE BITS OF STORYLINE SO ACTUALLY PAINFUL AS THE STORY GOES ON????? (I am allergic to happiness I am my own canon event at this point)

(4:48) THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION THAT COMES WITH WANTING MORE STORY BUT IT SIMPLY NOT EXISTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT IS DEVASTATING.

(5:02) Welp. I'm ruined and am now compelled by god to start working on Morning Glory again. We're at 73k rn. And only two chapters that aren't the prologue are under 4k. That's fucking terrifying. Like I have 17 minus the prologue rn. WE ARE LITERALLY THREE CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER 16/17 OF SUMMER ALONE. AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 14 AFTER THAT. LIKE THE 14 ARE THE PLANNED SPECIFIC EVENT CHAPTERS. BRUH. WHY DID I DO THIS????

regret.

regret is all I feel.

but I will push through.

(7:38) before I go to bed I will just say I am at 75.3k. I had no idea how I would even get close to 4k on a birthday chapter where the group effectively decided to just stay home and hang out. But now there is like 1.5k of them playing muffin time. It's wild. I love it. GOOD NIGHT.

[bestworstcase]

How much of Ironwood's decision making do you think is informed by his semblance? Or is it a non-factor?

ooh this one is fun because i don’t agree with ✨any✨ of the common takes that i’ve seen across the spectrum from “mettle is auto-brainwashing” to “mettle is just the trigger he pulls on a gun”

and i need to preface by saying that i have adhd, and i experience EXTREME hyperfocus. extreme like i work from home and enjoy my job so i accidentally pull 14-16 hour days about 2-4 times a month because i’ll get going on a task after lunch and blink and it’s four in the morning. extreme like before i went on meds i needed to set alarms for mealtimes to avoid starving myself to death and that still only worked half the time. extreme like i have to be careful about reading books because i will not stop reading until i’m finished and very long books can prevent me from sleeping multiple nights in a row.

that said i do not and have never experienced hyperfocus as involuntary. i am always surprised by how much time has elapsed, because it never feels like more than maybe half an hour tops and it is always actually more like 10+, but for me hyperfocus is preceded by about 15-20 minutes of normal focus during which i’m fully aware of what my brain is doing and am able to step away if the thing i’m doing isn’t something i want to sink the rest of my day on.

it’s both a fairly debilitating symptom and something that i make a deliberate choice to do for a variety of reasons that are not especially important here. there is risk-benefit analysis involved.

this is basically how i think mettle works, with the sole difference being that hyperfocus requires a specific kind of trigger [complex high-interest tasks] and mettle does not, so ironwood can induce this state at will for any task. besides that, my interpretation of mettle is that it’s deep hyperfocus on a particular task, lasting anywhere from a couple minutes (for very short-term goals) to an entire day but averaging around 8-10 hours at a time for anything involved (paperwork, strategizing), possible to interrupt with difficulty, and involving a mildly altered state of consciousness in the form of a dramatic reduction in sensory and temporal processing i.e. no perception of time passing and inability to perceive sensations like hunger, fatigue, discomfort, people talking to you without getting your attention first, and so forth. it does not cause changes in personality or cognitive function, nor inhibit decision-making except insofar as it takes conscious effort to step away from the task.

mettle as described is “like an iron resolve […] that powers him to [keep going], almost like a very stubbornly, narrow focused mindset on things […] to push himself to do what he’s decided he’s gonna do” or to “push himself through something like searing the flesh off your arm, like if this is the goal he needs to accomplish, everything else goes by the wayside.” and for some inexplicable reason this has been widely interpreted to mean that mettle is a switch ironwood can flip to make himself willing to kill people. no! mettle is how he’s able to flay and cauterize his own arm to escape watts’ trap! mettle is how ironwood keeps himself awake and lucid for a solid forty-eight hours after his fucking arm gets amputated! mettle is why he’s composed and reasonable at the top of volume seven and gradually unravels into an unhinged frazzled lunatic over the months that follow because he’s using his semblance to force himself past the limits of what his body is physically able to endure.

ironwood is a soldier born and raised and indoctrinated into a military state that never quite escaped its prewar fascism. he was always perfectly willing and able to kill people at the slightest justification—“if you were one of my men i would have you shot” was, um, not a joke. that’s who he is. that’s what atlas molded him into, same as it molded clover and harriet and elm and vine and marrow and winter and goddamn near everybody else it touched who didn’t have the means to get out.

mettle didn’t turn ironwood into a murderer—atlas did.

but hyperfocus is not a healthy superpower, ok? it feels fucking great to effortlessly glide through a week’s worth of work in a single afternoon but you have to balance that against the physiological and psychological toll that will take if you try to make that your normal. it’s a day of absolute peak performance and then a crash, and you have to be able to crash. you HAVE to let yourself rest. hyperfocus feels like infinite energy and that feeling is a lie your brain tells you after unplugging all the early warning systems so that your body can’t interrupt you with petty things like hunger or pain, and you HAVE to remember that.

ironwood goes off the fucking rails in volume eight because he believes that lie. he desperately needs to eat and sleep and take it easy while his body recuperates from losing an arm, but mettle can make all of that pain and exhaustion fade away—only it doesn’t actually. the physiological need is still there, getting worse for every minute he spends neglecting it. all through volume seven it’s building up and up until it hits a critical mass after he flays his arm and his cognitive functioning just fucking implodes because his brain physically does not have what it needs to work correctly anymore and the result is this sudden explosion of acute irrationality and emotional lability that just keeps rapidly getting worse and worse and worse because ironwood keeps trying to brute force his way through it with mettle.

i have done this. it sucks. for me the stakes were high school so it mostly looked like a prolonged meltdown and some screaming fights over college applications, but the underlying psychological mechanism driving ironwood’s dramatic tailspin is exactly hyperfocus run amok. in its worst extremity unmanaged hyperfocus is just a horribly destructive and insidious form of self-harm and it will make you completely fucking batshit until you stop.

[glove23]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I WAS TAGGED BY @nooowestayandgetcaught THANK U ILY

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 158

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 325,837

3. What fandoms do you write for?

- any and all that I know/like!! I have the most fics in kinnporsche, hp, and grishaverse, but I write for a lot of different fandoms

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Meeting Your Maker (Literally)

Harry Potter, Time Travel AU, 64,543 words

- a colorful past

The Batman (2021), Jim Gordon/Bruce Wayne, 688 words

- Your Makers Meet (Figuratively)

Harry Potter, sequel to MYML, 30,726 words, incomplete

- I'm not leaving your side

Love in the Air (2022), Whump, 1,307 words

-no body, no crime

Kinnporsche: The Series (2022), MURDER, kinn kills vegas, 943 words

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yeah! I try to at least, I have a huge backlog to get through whoops. I started writing in the era of ffn where like half the experience was talking back and forth in the reviews and then pm-ing and that's how I made a lot of friends that I still have today. and without that kind of comment culture and the author replying to messages, I might not have ever started writing.

someone replied to my review very kindly and asked why I didn't have any fic, my ideas were awesome (hair flip) and that made me realize oh. I don't have to Just read, I can also write the stories

and the rest is history

but fostering that kind of community, just talking to people who love the things you love, is such a fun part of the fandom experience for me and so I'll always reply to comments (eventually. I'll always get there eventually.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

KDHAJCHSJXJSJZ I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE A WHOLE SERIES WHERE I JUST KILL PEOPLE AND WATCH THEIR FRIENDS GRIEVE

but that being said, the answer is

into the wind (Love in the Air (2022), prapaisky, MCD/suicide

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhh. this one I don't actually know but imma say

love me there (His Dark Materials, lyrawill, fix-it, lyra finds will again after the events of s3)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

yeah, sometimes! 👍 don't do that

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes. not very often, it's usually M-rated if I do, but just. yeah. I don't know how to answer this

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yep!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, many times! back in my OG ffn days, and then a few times with @nooowestayandgetcaught

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I'm gonna say percabeth but I don't think there Is a real answer to this question, bc I love so many of my ships So Hard that just thinking about them makes me cry

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

......I will finish every wip leave me alone (I WILL FINISH YMMF I PROMISE) work in PROGRESS and the progress may be slow but it's PROGRESS

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue I am so fucking good at dialogue, and character interaction. definitely my strengths

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

descriptions. I am too lazy to do them all out the way I want to and so I just kinda. skate by

except in guess I misjudged you (gods I loved you) that one is PACKED bc I spent 9 months on it so

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

mmm unless I know someone I can talk to and get accurate translations, I don't really do this bc I am so afraid of conjugating wrong and google translate is SHIT. but when I do I try my best

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson! in 2012 on ffn on an account that still exists but I will not give u the name of. 🥰🥰

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

as of rn (October 2023) it's

guess I misjudged you (gods i loved you)

Percy Jackson, Royalty AU, Arranged Marriage AU, 56,438 words

it is my BABY and I think one of the best things I've written tbh

#2 would be

if you don't like it (lie)

KinnPorsche, kimchay, MCD, 3,516 words

it's just so delightfully painful and it's the one I show to everyone I show kp bc I'm obsessed with it

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANK YOU!!!! if you wanna do this feel free to say I tagged you 💞

@seaweedbraens @perseannabeth @karin848 @waitingondaisies (y'all don't have to do this. but ✨✨)

[mr-shrimp]

It's September now, and I wanted to write about r*ssian schools, and I even had a draft about it, but I deleted it accidentally :(

Btw it's not a big deal, so enjoy this bullshit from typical r*ssian student <3

I want to do this bc I'm pretty tired of this, and I just want others to know that.

This post gonna be smth like QA format, bc it is a lot of easier to write ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Russian school core(I guess). Let's go!

First things first. How long do you need to study?

-> Well, if we talk about ordinary school, then you can study 9 years or 11 years(this is optional). In year it's 9 months for studying and 3 for rest(nice joke). After 9th grade you can go to the high school or go to the college and then to university as well. After 11th grade you can go right to university(but here is option to go to college after 11th grade). In university system is not different from European with Bachelor degree, but as I know in this year or maybe in the next one they want to remove this and make only specialty degree. It sucks bc your specialty diploma will be invalid in countries with Bachelor degree. And with specialty degree you need to study about 5-6 years.

How old must be child?

-> In most of the cases it is like 6-7 y.o. Some schools have pre-school studying, here children are about 5 years. In the end of your execution in school you may be like 15-16(9th grade) or 17-18(11th grade)

Does children also have such a fucked lessons table?

-> Nah, they have like 3-5 lessons about 35-40 mins. First 4 grades are such a relax, hah

What about exams?

-> in the end of the 4th year you need to pass two exams(as I remember): rssian language and math. In the end of 9th grade you need to pass 4 exams: rssian, math and two optional disciplines. And in the end of the 11th grade you need to pass at least 3 exams: rssian, math(base or profile), and 1-5 optional. Maybe now max number of optional exams has changed, but I don't care.

Which exams did you choose?

-> I gonna write biology and chemistry in any way, bruh. Maybe sociology, too, bc I also into law(not new laws they are bullshit) and this kind of thing. Or maybe I should be a designer, I like money and I like to draw:) my doodles pretty cute hah

What about rest? Holidays? Weekends?

-> Okay, this is pretty interesting. In most of moscow schools we have 5-1 system, which means 5 weeks of studying and 1 week of holidays. Also, we have a lot of holidays for all country such as new year holidays or may 1st and may 9th. It is really a lot of holidays in r*ssia, tho. Although I said it is 3 month of holidays, but for real you need to study and here. Why? It's pretty complicated. You need to read a lot of books, you need to practice all disciplines, you need to prepare to your exams and smth like this, bc if you not gonna do it... well, it would be sad. Weekends don't exist in rssia you just sleep. Really, you tired as fuck after this weekly five-day-in-a-row executing. And you even need to do your homework, but all that you can is sleeping.

What about study program?

-> It's hard. Really. I'm at the last grade, and this is my lessons for every week(in two versions, look at pics below). And if you want to know, math in r*ssian schools is like math in a lot of math universities in America or England or any of European countries. And it is not about math only, it is about all disciplines. Like, in 10th grade we learning about sinuses and logarithms(fckng bllsht)

-> In mscow schools we have special programs like medicine class(here I am), IT-class and more more others(Pic below, translate it by yourself). They call it "project classes". And for every project class it is its own main disciplines. For example, in medicine class it is chemistry and biology, but they added prof math for some hecking reason and I hate this shit, but BTW.

-> As for daily classes table, this is really tough. We starting at 8:15 a.m. and ending at 3 p.m. or even at 4:40 p.m. This is NOT optional. You must go for all classes even if you don't need physics or prof math. You just MUST. We have lessons every for 40 mins and breaks for 20 mins. And no, we haven't any special long break for eating. If you late to your classes you gonna be scolded, bc "why can't you eat faster???". Oh well, maybe because I just can't hah? Anyway you need to go from cabinet to another cabinet and try to eat if you want. And the most absurd that we have special breaks for eating, but they also lasts 20 minutes.

-> As for holiday, you can't relax either, bc this is a lot of homework. For example, my friend(from IT-class) in last year had about 400 mathematical equations to solve for homework for 1 week. Wild, isn't it? Ofcourse not all teachs like that, but anyway. Our literature teach said to write essay about 400-500 words(okay ngl she like to make us write it even if it not holidays).

What about food?

-> Oh yeah cockroach it my oatmeal and juice with water, love it. Not gonna lie, we really have cockroachs in our dining room at school. And I guess teachs like "well until cockroachs not fall from ceiling to children food it's alright"(no, it's not). I really like to eat, even if it just an apple, I like food, and food at school is really bad. You have a choice: first to not eat, second to eat at dining room, and third to bring your homemade food. In any case you don't have time for really enjoy the food :(

What about "ins" of school?

-> in mscow schools pretty okay, in my school we even have green room with a lot of plants, we call it "winter garden". Cabinets are okay, but light is bad like they older then me. But in other regions it like very old house that may fall at every second. And some of them don't have bathrooms. I didn't joke. Or it is a toilet like a.. erm.. hole in floor? Yea, something like this I guess. And some regions(villages, for example) don't have schools.

-> As for lessons, it is just very strict teachs and really hard program. Okay, let's talk about "conversation about important things". As you all know in 2022 rssia started a w*r with Ukraine, and from this moment in all schools started this shit. In short this is something like patriotic lessons where they just lie to you how good our country is and how good that we live here and how bad another world is. Well, smth like this was at ussr time, too, as i remember this right. But you know, this lessons are necessary even if they don't have marks for it. You just need to know that all people in the world are bad and only rssia are innocent and saint(/sarc). Fucking bullshit.

What about project classes?

-> Well, Idk for other classes, but in medicine class we have pretty hard program. You need to know all chemistry and biology, make an individual project, go to medicine college(uh um hello I go to high school bc I don't want to go to college guys what's wrong with u), go to lessons in university like RUDN, Pirogov RNRMU(rssian national research medicine university) and etc. And this is all after your ordinary classes, ofcourse :)

And what about college?

-> Nothing special, we just were riding the subway there 1 hour, then studied for 3 or 4 hours at college and were riding the subway back for 1 hour. And for sure it sucks, bc I returned home at 9 p.m.(or even 10 p.m.) every Monday. And our teach said that we were lucky bc they could make our college classes at Saturday. And in the end we can get our diplomas in the end of the 11th grade. Why? For what? Idk.

What about program? You always say this is hard, but why?

-> So, biology(molecular, botanic, anatomy, ALL biology), organic chemistry, prof math, probability theory, physics and more other. All this university level. And a lot of home work after which you don't even have strength for yourself.

What about attitude towards mental health? And health as well?

-I have diagnosed severe depression and I'm still studying full-time education program. No one cares if you can stand, even if you have a fewer. But at least tech can send you to nurse or back to home. In rssian schools no one really cares about your mental health, your pronounces and other individual things. Well not all teachers stop bulling towards kids, and some of them are bullies themselves. I think that's enough to understand this.

Well, that's all, I guess. It is really a lot of issues that I didn't say. Please repost or reblog as much as possible. As for living in rssia it is like, you know, living in "1984", just read latest news and new laws in 2022-2024 period and add to this w*r with innocent country.

And stay safe all of you♡

Yes somewhen I make this rq please don't beat me :(

[irondeficiencyqueen]

30 day thinspo challenge

but I do it all in one day as a distraction🌸

1. I’m 22yrs, 170cm, f, 63/64kg.

2. 170cm, no I feel too tall. Would love to be a tiny girl, but was cursed with long legs.

3. Nah too lazy but like her ➡️🩻💀

4. Losing hair or my period..

5. I’m doing it for 13 year old me who got teased at school for being bigger. I have always felt picked on because of it. Right now I am also preparing for a bikini fitness show so I have to hit 10% bodyfat.

6. Yes, because I get stressed. I have BED. Food has always been comfort for me ever since I was a kid.

7. They know, and they praised it for a bit, but now they want me to stop. They are worried<3 makes me feel so validated

8. 5 days a week I do strength training, and 7 days a week I do 1 hour of cardio.

9. YES.

«I can’t carry you you’re too fat»

«Are you really gonna eat that? I think you have had too much already»

«I can carry her, but you have to walk yourself, you’re too big»

«You eat so much»

«You always eat everything by yourself, why are you not saving any for me??»

«I’m worried about your weight» said my 40kg bestfriend😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

10. Well nothing because I fucking suck and binge and purge. And chew and spit. But on the days where I’m on track, I’m really missing chocolate and cookies.

11. None rn, bc I just hopped back on Tumblr this month.

12. Breakfast is yoghurt with berries, lunch/dinner is chicken and veggies, and for the evening we got yoghurt and berries again. Total of 1200-1300 cals ish

13. Unhealthy lol

14. 53kg. I want one of my gws (55kg) by 21st of September, so hopefully 28th?

15. Not vegan, not vegetarian. I was pescetarian for a couple months, but it is unsustainable for me. I need balance and meat.

16. It started when I was 13, and it got pretty bad up until like 15 or so.. Then I kinda recovered, still hated my body, just didn’t starve. And I’ve been on and off ana. Mia is back too this time.

17. No just a big fan of the community💀BRO WHAT DO U THINK HAGAGAHAH, yes.

18. Chocolate and cookies.

19. 9 hours ago. (Fasting rn)

20. Calorie deficit ahahah I don’t follow diets. I am a nutritionist, so I know how this works🤌

21. Eu sizes XS-S (36) in pants, S in tops.

22. My lw doesn’t count as I was still growing in puberty at the time, but then I was 55kg. Gained mainly bc of birth control pills, but also giving up ana.

23. I’m an influencer so, yeah🥹I am very self conscious of everything I post.

24. I don’t promote anything, and I want people to get better ofc. However, I think it’s nice that we all have this together, so we don’t feel so alone <3

25. Yes. Can’t remember my first time. Been a lot of times🥲but it used to be very painful.

26. Being HER 🤌The satisfaction of finally getting to my goal after years and years of pain. Being picked up without being embarassed. Looking classy, all clothes look good, people envy me, wondering how I did it.

27. Anxious and scared

28. Yes because it gets sweaty and I feel nasty when they rub together

29. Me when I hit 53kg. Like literally I’m not trying to come off as a narcissist or anything, but I KNOW, that I am so pretty. I just need to lose a bit of weight and I’ll be her.

30. Scared to drop too specific facts in case someone recognize me.. but I like pink! I want to move to a warm country like Thailand or Bali. I am a liar to the people closest to me, because of this ed and sa. I believe I am a good person for the most part and I have good intentions in my heart always, I’ll forever be a girls girl. I love animals. I love soft feminine music but also listen to heavy metal. I don’t know who I am. I feel like I have two people in my head who are two different personalities.

Thanks for reading <3