#We're in our pining phase

[the-lonelybarricade]

Sending love letters (pages long fic reviews) and gifts (tumblr horse friend) to my lover across the sea (@separatist-apologist) in the hopes that she'll leave her husband and run away with me to Scotland 😩

[jenneyquinn]

𝐢 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

in which the pine tree and llama are the epitome of soulmates (continued) w/c: 10.6k words *not proofread* (actually 2 words shy of 10.6k, but hey, who's counting? masterpost

once winter had its fun, spring rolls around, and so does that one day that everyone either looks forward to or is dreading with past trauma.

for mabel and dipper, they are one of both outcomes; respectively.

it was so uncharacteristic of mabel to not be excited over a holiday that spreads so much joy and love—regardless if it's platonic, familial, or romantic. as for dipper, he was never really much for luck in that department (love, that is), though not as sociable, let alone well known as his sister, he is very much content with being alone for the most part—especially knowing, deep down, he is grateful to have a family who loves him.

however, dipper felt that this year would be different. he didn't know why, couldn't put a finger on it, but he noticed that something would be stand out amongst the other years as the boy realizes that is isn't as disgusted with valentine's day as he commonly was before.

"duh—it's obvious why you're thinking about that, bro-bro."

"huh? oh, it's because we're technically teenagers and we're at that embarrassing phase in our life where romantic pursuits are more irrational and desperate to compensate for our lack of self-confidence?"

mabel rolls her eyes before answering.

"no, it's because you have a cru~sh! and you just can't wait to call her on valentine's day~"

"what?! that's—"

"don't worry, because being the matchmaker that i am, with the resume of skilled expertise, i can proudly say that i—mabel pines—will get you the valentine's date of your dreams!"

"but—"

"you can't say no, it's already happening."

"no."

"ALREADY HAPPENING!'

given it was already the first of february, it was going to take mabel less than two weeks to pull this off; presuming that she could, that is.

so, on that wednesday night, dipper lies awake at night, thinking about that special someone, despite fighting his feelings for so long. he doesn't want to admit it out loud, but dipper knew, subconsciously, that his sister indeed saw through him, and he is crushing on someone; bad and hard.

the first time dipper had ever lied awake at night, it was about wendy corduroy, the girl he ever seriously crushed on. though, as time passed after his confession, he stopped thinking about her that way. it look him time, fighting all those thoughts during the day while they continued their friendship, and many nights as she remained in his dreams; if he wasn't dreaming about his parents, that is.

however, when dipper lies awake this night, he isn't thinking about wendy. not at all. on the contrary, he's up all night, thinking of another girl—one he knew was perhaps just as (if not more unattainable) than wendy.

eventually, the guy gets some sleep, and mabel has already come up with a whole list of ideas to help her brother in his otherwise, lack of romantic expertise.

however, dipper fights mabel every step of the way, insisting that he has a plan of his own. though he is grateful for the support, the kid genuinely had a clear idea of how he wanted valentine's day to go, and as long as he's got his confidence—dipper is sure he'll have his first good valentine's day yet.

finally, when the big day comes, mabel's nothing short of estatic.

"oh my god, what are you gonna wear? please tell me you're going to wear something good?? what are you planning to do for your date??? it better be something fun! you don't wanna make a bad first impression by doing something lame—in that case, i have to make sure you avoid anything remotely boring!!"

dipper simply blinks, getting everything but also none of the words that just left mabel's mouth right now.

"uh… i guess i'm just going to wear what i usually wear. i mean, i didn't plan to go anywhere fancy anyways. saves time and energy for later, right? i even put together this nice gift and everything…"

"aww, dipper~" mabel coos, clasping her hands together at the last part of her brother's reply, "whatcha get her? actually nevermind, you can tell me later. i'm sure she'll love it anyways!"

then, she takes a quick look up and down at her brother, inspecting his outfit before continuing: "are you really going to wear… that?"

"what's wrong with what i'm wearing? i wear this every day!"

"i know, it's not bad, but that's the point—" mabel pinches the bridge of her nose with impatience, taking dipper by the hand, "look, we still got a couple hours before you're going. surely, there must be something presentable in that closet of yours… that's hopefully been washed."

so, thanks to mabel, dipper was able together a simple, but clean outfit for his first valentine's date: a marine-blue unbuttoned oxford shirt with a cream-white tee underneath, paired with a casual pair of black jeans and his shoes; completely gaining the latter's approval.

"now go on, enjoy your video-chat date with pacifica~"

"w-wait!" dipper exclaims. "how did you know—"

"oh, would you look at the time? candy and grenda must be waiting for me to join their call bye~"

"mabel!"

"look, i apologized, didn't i? i've been trying to be nothing but a do-gooder; no more evil business for me. even gideon is trying to give me a chance. so, sunshine, what is your deal?"

growing impatient with pacifica's rejections, dipper finally corners her at the ballroom of gleeful mansion—speaking in a hushed tone as to not draw any attention from anyone else.

the former, on the other hand, narrows her eyes; frowning deeply.

"you wanna know why i haven't forgiven you, gleeful? i was the first person to trust you, and what did you do with that?? you toyed with my feelings, deceived me—all for your personal gain?! how dare you think my feelings can't be justified when you suddenly decide to turn things around!"

dipper was baffled, to say the least. so, pacifica continues talking.

"what if will decides to return to you guys? what then?? is it the end of you and your family's redemption arc???" she asks, her facial features now beginning to soften as her eyes start to water and her nose going red as she sniffles.

"i don't want you to hurt me again. i'm not going to let you hurt me again."

as pacifica begins to run off, dipper instantly goes after her.

"pacifica, wait!"

then, out of the blue, the blonde is halted in her tracks. a ray of blue flames stike her, thereafter transforming pacifica from her authentic human state to a wooden statue of her likeness.

dipper gasps, reaching out to her: "pacifica!"

"gideon!"

mabel cries, redirecting her brother's attention to the now-wooden gideon pines; taking the mage aback even further.

suddenly, the gleeful twins hear a bellowing laughter, the source of them coming around the fireplace. a grandfather clock tolls, as the duo take sight of the ghost staring at the gleeful family portrait.

"a forest of death, a lesson learned, now the gleeful manor will burn!"

as the ghost of nathaniel southeast continues laughing, setting the family portrait aflame, mabel calls out to the entity.

"hey ugly! over here!"

the ghost seizes his laughs, spotting the gleeful twins.

"you want us to let in the townsfolk?" dipper asks, "'cause we'll do it! just change everyone back!"

nathaniel scoffs, "you wish to prove yourself? pull that lever and open the grand gate to the town! fulfill your ancestors' promise!"

pointing to the lever which opens the main gates, dipper looks from the lever to the wooden pacifica. then, for a moment, her voice rings in his head.

"i was the first person to trust you, and what did you do? you toyed with my feelings, you deceived me—all for your personal gain!"

you deceived me.

"she's right," dipper admits to himself.

"huh? who's right??" mabel asks, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"mabel, our family has been nothing but liars and cheats. how about we do something right for a change?"

without saying anything further, mabel simply gives dipper a nod in the affirmative; grabbing onto the lever with him.

the twins share a look, then look back at the ghost as they pull down the lever together.

nathaniel gasps as the main gates which once divided gleeful mansion and the commonfolk of the town swing open. as the townsfolk swarm into the manor in waves, the ghost is finally appeased.

"YES, YES, IT'S HAPPENING!" the entity rejoices, "MY HEART, ONCE AS HARD AS OAK, now grows soft, like a birch or something."

as the gleeful twins look up at the ghost with satisfaction, the latter looks back down on them, equally satiated.

"dipper, mabel, you two aren't like the other gleefuls." nathaniel says as his spirit begins to ascend, "i feel… lumber… justice…"

with that, everything in the mansion returned how they used to be: the portrait showed no signs it being previously engulfed in flames, all the resurrected animals were back in their deceased state, and most importantly, all the people originally in attendance had been free from their wooden prisons.

even pacifica, who takes a breath of fresh air as soon as she's freed.

"pacifica!"

dipper runs to pacifica, visibly worried as he pulls her close to him in a tight, protective embrace.

"dipper?"

"you're… you're actually safe…" he exasperates, pulling back to look at her, "look, you were right. i was being selfish and i did mess with you just to get what i wanted, but i didn't fully realize how much i've hurt you until now…"

"dipper…"

"when you were encased in wood, i… i thought that i lost you. i… i… don't want to see you like that again. i don't ever want to make you sad again."

before he could even notice, a single hot tear runs down dipper's cheek, still holding his gaze at pacifica.

"i… i know it's too late for you to trust me… and i clearly don't deserve your forgiveness… but i do wanna try. i want to be a better person."

while pacifica listens to dipper's impassioned confession, she couldn't help but to focus onto the tear that runs down his face. then she looks back into his eyes—which she finally took in for the first time. though it was a glowing blue when they first met, she noticed how the loss of the amulet and will's emancipation from the gleefuls had effected dipper's eyes from the absence of power.

they were brown. it was nothing special, but it was like pacifica was actually seeing him for the first time. if she thought there was good in him before, it finally shown in his eyes now.

so, pacifica does the only sensible thing she could think of.

"oof!"

holding onto him tightly, pacifica buries her face into dipper's shoulder; trying not to cry.

"thanks, dipper. i… i forgive you."

"wait! where are you all going?! we're supposed to look for dipper pines, remember?!"

when pacifica sees all the government vehicles backing up and driving away from the mystery shack, she's enraged. after all this time, she finally thought that she would be getting him back—but why were the government guys leaving?!

"ahh!" pacifica yelps in shock as a pig runs past her, chomping on a drive labelled 'PINES'.

so, she looks up to the source of where the pig came from, back to the mystery shack, and simple to say the least—she could have never expected what, or rather who, would be standing before her eyes.

"great-uncle mason, that was amazing!"

pacifica's eyes widen at stan's words, as he approaches the aforementioned man with his brother. but whatever happened to—

"let's not go crazy; it was serviceable."

well, speak of the devil, the blonde thinks as the con-artist walks into the scene with the shack's handywoman, lita. welp, time to get over there and give that lady a piece of my—

yet, the man's chuckles cut off pacifica's thoughts: "thank you kids, but please, call me dipper."

dipper?!

"dipper..."

his eyes crack open the slightest bit before shutting again.

"dipper..."

he hears the voice once more, but the weight of his eyelids win another time, drawing him back to unconsciousness.

"wake up, dipper!"

he shoots up, fully awake at the sound of mabel's shouts.

"gah! mabel!" dipper frowns, turning to the digital clock atop his bedside table before shooting her a look. "this better be worth waking me up at seven in the morning for—you know it's apring break, right?"

"exactly—it's spring break, bro-bro. the first day of spring break."

mabel points to the calendar hung on dipper's bedroom wall; specifically on a date that reads 'pacifica visits'.

"yeah, yeah, pacifica's visiting." dipper mumbles, tucking himself back to bed and pulling his covers back up.

it takes him a second to realize the words that just left his mouth, then he really wakes up.

"pacifica's visiting!"

he throws his blanket aside, bolting right up from his bed, scanning his room left and right.

"oh my god, my room! i need to- i gotta-"

"stop hyperventilating, dippingsauce," mabel says, amused at her brother's behaviour, "that's why we're up early. we've got six hours before pacifica, candy, and grenda's bus arrvies at the stop. so, as your personal matchmaker, i'm here to make sure your room's spotless—as well as you. i'll never forgive myself if i let you talk to your girlfriend without taking a shower first."

"a shower? i'm fine, mabel," he rebutes, lifting up his arm to take a sniff from his pits, which he immediately comes to regret, "besides, pacifica's not my girlfriend."

"not if you don't take a shower, she won't." she jokes, poking him. "blop!"

so, after taking a shower while his sister gives him a head start on spring cleaning, dipper rushes to get ready and look decent for his crush special friend.

unbeknownst to the twins, three visitors had already made their way to the pines residence.

"ah, pacifica! so nice to see you again, sweetie." mrs. pines greets, giving the girl a welcoming hug.

"and i believe you two must be candy and grenda," mr. pines points out, also giving a warm welcome to the two girls, "of course, mabel's friends are always welcome here."

"as well as dipper's friends." mrs. pines winks, playfully nudging the blonde's arm; causing the latter to blush.

candy and grenda also giggle, making pacifica more flustered.

"but seriously, our kids have told many stories about you three," mr. pines says, gesturing them inside as he picks up the girls' bags, "pacifica and mabel's golf tournament, grenda's prince boyfriend in austria, and even candy's little crush on dipper."

"oh!" pacifica says, then she leans towards candy, continuing in a teasing tone. "well, i didn't know about this."

another day of weirdmaggedon dawns upon gravity falls, not that dipper gleeful minds. in fact, it's just like another regular day for him: he gets up from bed, changes out of his pajamas and into his turquoise suit, and walks out into the town.

just as he promised, he makes his way to the giant floating bubble in the sky—the pink one that's branded with an illustration of a llama.

good morning, sunshine, dipper greets pacifica in thought, looking up at the bubble; eyes half-lidded and smiling gleefully.

pulling out the key from his vest pocket, dipper unlocks the bubble and enters the spherical-shaped prison.

"ah! dipper, you came back!" the blonde cheers, donning an off-the-shoulder, spaghetti-strapped turquoise dress and her hair done up in a simple, but cute messy bun.

"sunshine, looking as radiant as ever," dipper replies, "as if i should've expected any different."

he takes her by the hand, pulling her close to him. swinging her along the floor, which has shifted from a bedroom to a ballroom setting, dipper looks into pacifica's eyes with adoration, feeling complete bliss.

"hey, dippington? can i tell you something?" she asks softly.

"anything, sunshine," he answers without hesitation, "shoot."

"i'm so happy here." pacifica confesses, smiling brightly. "being here, in my dreamland, with you... it's like everything i could ever want. i don't ever want to leave... i just want to be happy here, with you, forever..."

dipper returns her smile, looking down at her as she rests her head against his shoulder.

"i'm happy to be here with you too, pacifica," he admits wholeheartedly, "i don't think i'd want to be anywhere else, too."

so, the pair slow-dances in silence, letting the soft melody of the ballroom music fill the space instead.

ever since dipper's return, pacifica had intended to catch up with her old friend, but she knew that he already had a lot of catching up to do with his own family.

at least she had her own family to tend to, as well as her own career as gravity falls' top realtor, making her way to becoming the ceo of northwest realty from the past twenty years.

although she hated to admit it, pacifica kind of wished she was able to bond with her grandson preston as easily as dipper's twin sister and their two great nephews.

so, while preston is out on a date with his girlfriend priscilla, pacifica is left to her own devices as she finishes up paperwork for her recent client.

that is... until she hears the ever so familiar ring of the doorbell.

"heh... h-hey, paz," dipper greets; in his own, typical, awkward way, "l-long time, no see, huh?"

pacifica blinks once... then twice... three times, even.

"uh... pacifica?" he waves over her face; worry rising in his voice. "are you alright—"

dipper gets cut off abruptly was pacifica leaps toward him; wrapping her arms over his shoulders and enveloping him into a crushing embrace.

"dummy... don't leave me ever again."

"wait, what?!"

dipper stands in his now-clean bedroom proudly, his hands to his sides.

"you heard me: by the end of spring break, pacifica northwest will be my girlfriend."

mabel clasps her hands over her mouth, trying her best from squealing.

"oh my god, dipper! that's amazing!" she cheers, but then her face blanks—as if she's seen a ghost. "oh no."

"huh? what 'oh-no'? i don't like that 'oh-no'."

"look, it's great that you want to ask pacifica to be your girlfriend and all but.. how do i put this... when it comes to girls... sometimes, you tend to get in your own way."

"mabel, i promise," dipper says, placing a hand to his chest while raising the other, "no lists involved. maybe a plan to reference to from time to time, but no multi-phase lists i need to be following closely."

"okay..." she says hesitantly, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips, "so... what's the plan then?"

"well..." he starts, rubbing his hands together.

"first, i figured there would be no harm in taking everyone mini-golfing. i can't impress her, but at least it's something she likes to do. pacifica will have a good time, so it'll definitely get things running in the right direction."

"um... mini golf?" pacifica asks, a bit weary.

"i guarantee you, there's no lilliputtians involved."

looking at him quizzically at first, she chuckles right after.

"okay, nerd. i've been looking forward to having a rematch with mabel anyways. she owes me a fair game, anyways."

"next, we'll go to the mall—it's full of stuff that pacifica likes, right? fashion and deep-fried foods!"

"here you go," dipper says, plopping down a tray of food onto the table before pacifica, "an order of french fries with a vanilla milkshake, just like the lady ordered."

he mimics a bow, gesturing to the fast-food before taking his seat: "just like home, huh? um... you still have a butler, right?"

the blonde giggles, nodding as she picks up a single fry and dipping it into the shake.

"only the one, though. we had to let go of a lot of staff after... you know."

"oh yeah..." he says, remembering the previous video-calls they've had, "it seems you've been adjusting well, though. oh yeah—how's greasy's? lazy suzan able to hold fort without you?"

"definitely. i miss her, though." she answers, twirling her straw. "between you and me, it's nice working at the diner. lazy suzan is more like a parent to me than my actual parents, and it keeps me distracted from thinking about home..."

looking up from the tray, pacifica looks at dipper with a gentle smile: "at least things in your home is better, right? i'm totally jealous of your parents."

"i guess you could say that..."

but it wasn't better. things at the pines' residence wasn't getting better at all. though there was still some sort of harmony in the household, it doesn't mean that his parents weren't still fighting almost every night.

but this didn't mean that things wouldn't be different with pacifica. sure, dipper's parents have been together for over almost two decades, and their marriage has still been on the verge of collapse even after their children had come back from their summer vacation in gravity falls, but it didn't mean—

oh, who was he kidding.

"hey, hello~" his friend snaps her fingers in front of his face, "anyone in there? you've been zoning out, wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

"um... heh, heh! you know what? how about we hit the arcade?? lost my appetite, anyways."

before she could have any input, dipper already grabs pacifica's hand, running down and out of the food court.

"there was also the arcade... but i don't know how she'd take it, but hopefully she'll come to like it. i mean—pacifica loves winning, right?"

"gleeful!"

"hm?" dipper gives a hum as he opens his eyes, peering up. somebody from the outside is calling.

"hey, sunshine, i gotta take care of something real quick." he explains, pulling away, his hands still on hers. "stay put, alright?"

she nods, still smiling: "okay, just... be careful, dip."

"you know i will." the brunette winks, causing his prisoner princess to giggle.

then, he finally departs, exiting the bubble.

"what the heck, dipper?!" gideon exclaimed. "i thought you turned a new leaf?! you said you were going to change!"

"oh, if it isn't lil' gideon—"

"don't call me that!" the small boy snaps back.

"never mind that! i'll have you know that i did, in fact, change," dipper continues, "i promised my sunshine, pacifica, that i wasn't going to hurt her, and i intend to keep that promise."

he then points to the bubble, wrapped in chains: "in that bubble, pacifica won't be hurt. never again. i was willing to let bygones be bygones, but she told me what you've done—and if you think i'm letting you in there, think again!"

"you can't do that, dipper!" robbie shouts. "you think you're protecting pacifica, but you're only imprisoning her!"

"valentino." dipper grimaces, his eyes narrowing and a threatening glint twinkles in his brown eyes. "you can't be any more wrong—pacifica told me herself! i am her protector! thanks to will, he granted me the power to create a dream world for her. in this world, i can shield her from anyone and everyone who can hurt her! even you!"

"but, dipper..." gideon speaks, his voice softens as he tries to empathize with the brunette, "do you really think this is the right way to protect pacifica? just because she's in that bubble, doesn't mean she'll be safe forever. eventually, one way or another, you'll hurt her too. so, when that happens—where will she go? who will protect her, then??"

dipper's cold expression slightly cracks, allowing his former enemy to reach out to him.

"we know you care for pacifica, we all do, too," the white-haired boy gestures between himself, robbie, and melody, "but we're still human. we make mistakes, and eventually, we will hurt each other—whether we mean to or not."

pulling out the slip of paper from the front pocket of his pants, dipper unfolds the paper to look back at the cut-out newspaper article; staring into the old picture of himself and pacifica.

she gave me another chance... even when i didn't deserve it.

"do the right thing, dipper. if you want to be pacifica's hero, please let us rescue her. please let us make it up to her."

"so, let me get this straight..." pacifica speaks, pinching the bridge of her nose in a mix of concentration and confusion, "this whole time, you had a twin sister? but you didn't tell me about her because of she wronged you about thirty years ago?? and then ten years later—she accidentally gets you sucked into this portal that you made??? so you've been stuck in there for the past twenty years until she reactivated said portal—in which she fixed, for the sole purpose to bring you back????"

dipper simply stares at pacifica, still struck by her beauty after all these years. yet, when he realizes a tad late that she had stopped speaking, he shakes his head; getting a hold of himself.

"y-yes. that's exactly what happened."

the blonde blinks once. then twice. then takes a long sip from her coffee; setting it down before slamming the empty mug onto the table.

"you never told me you had a twin sister!"

"well, i didn't think it was relevant..." he mumbles, annoyed.

"of course it's flippin' relevant!" she spats, "whatever mabel did to you in the past, she's still your family! i thought i knew everything about you, but you've been still hiding stuff from me!"

dipper sighs, looking at his old friend with a guilt-ridden expression.

"you're right, paz. i should've been more open with you, instead of being all mysterious and keeping stuff from you. i'm really sorry that i scared you and kept you in the dark all this time."

"ah, forget about it," she waves off, no longer upset. "you're lucky that i'm too old to be fussing over small things. besides, i guess i should be used to it by now, right? you never really trusted me, anyways."

"but i do trust you, pacifica," he says, placing a hand over hers, "i was just being an idiot, thinking that i was protecting you by not letting you into my world, but that's not fair. not when you've trusted me with your secrets. i truly am sorry, paz."

as pacifica looks down at his hand on hers, she looks back up to him; her diamond-blue eyes meeting his doe-brown ones. a twinge of pink spreads throughout her cheeks, letting her old feelings for the awkward man resurface; if only for a small moment.

for the first time in twenty years, her guard is let down again, baffled and stammering by the same guy who caught her heart two decades ago.

"it's alright, dipper." pacifica replies, the smallest hint of a smile graces her face.

"you're here now."

"SUGGESICA WIN!"

"ha, yeah!" pacifica cheers, pumping a fist up in victory, "in your face!"

though dipper wasn't happy at first that he was once again bested by her, he did have to admit—pacifica looks pretty cute when she gloats over a win. it's rare to see her geek out over an arcade game, after all.

"so, what was that again? didn't you say arcades were for nerds??"

"they're only nerds if they can't win," she corrects, poking his chest, "like you."

"yeah, yeah, you beat me," dipper says, rolling his eyes, "now enter your name for the high score so we can start heading back home. dad must've hooked up the karaoke machine by now."

pacifica giggles, inputting the name 'PAZ' before leaving the arcade with dipper; hand-in-hand.

"so, lovebirds..." mabel teases as she, candy, and grenda reunite with the pair, "ready for some karaoke?"

dipper blushes as pacifica rolls her eyes, smirking amusedly: "yeah, whatever. you wish i was dating your brother, it'll give you something to brag about."

"oh, definitely," mabel replies, "because i'm sure there's a lot of girls out there who are dying to say 'pacifica northwest, walking one-dimensional beached blonde valley girl stereotype, is dating my brother!'"

pacifica gasps, feigning offense...

before she laughs along with her former arch-enemy; walking out of the mall in a side-hug.

"look, after you said you weren't going to leave with me and move in my parents and i at the end of the summer, i wanted to hide in my sweater forever."

as pacifica explains her choice to stay in pacificaland, gideon feels the guilt rise within him as he is reminded of his promise from the beginning of the summer.

then, the melancholic expression on her face turns into one of resolve as she finishes her story.

"but then i woke up in a place that gives me exactly what i wanted: an endless summer where we'll never have to grow up! here, the sun shines all day, the party never ends, and now that you guys are here—it's finally perfect!"

"listen, pazzy," gideon speaks, "we're not here to party. all of this is crazy!"

yet, the blonde groans, disagreeing with her cousin's sentiment: "ugh! i figured you might say something like that, gid. would it kill you to be more like dipper sometimes? at least he's supportive of me!"

"sunshine..." dipper calls to her softly, placing a hand on her shoulder, "maybe you should go with gideon and the the rest..."

"huh?" pacifica's eyes go wide, suprised by the change in his demeanour.

"what are you talking about, dipper?"

"wait! hold on..." pacifica pants, trying to catch her breath after doubling down in laughs, "you... dated... a siren?"

blushing madly, dipper frowns: "is it really that hard to believe?"

apparently so, since the woman before him couldn't help but keep laughing; unable to control herself.

"uh—yeah?" she answers between cackles, "whew... oh my god, i'm gonna cry... that's hilarious... hah..."

"but you had two failed marriages!" he points out, still red as a tomato.

that doesn't stop pacifica from laughing herself breathless, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye as she finally starts to settle down.

"true... but i'm an heiress, dipper."

she had a point. twenty years is an awful long time, and it was like pacifica was getting any younger. it was inevitable that her parents wanted to secure their fortune by any means necessary—especially if said means was to marry their daughter off to another rich family.

hence, her two unsuccessful unions with marius von fundhauser and gideon gleeful.

"you never told me... how did you get out of them, again?"

"well, marius and i split because he fell in love with someone else..." pacifica answers, reminscing on her relationship with the austrian prince, "no hard feelings, though. it was for the best."

from the look on her face, dipper could tell that she was being genuine. he always loved seeing her soft side.

"and... gideon?" he winces.

"not as sweet as the papers put it." she replies bluntly. "he was just... too show-ey? even for me, which is crazy. i was able to find an out when i took the reigns on northwest realty—i got the chance to prove to my parents i was more than a pretty face, after all."

dipper chuckles, "as if there was any doubt."

"disco girl!"

"coming through!"

"that girl is you~!"

ooh-ooh's ring throughout the living room, followed by giggles and more of the musical works of dipper pines and pacifica northwest.

"more punch, kids?" mrs. pines asks as she enters the room; a tray of filled glasses in her hands. "gonna need something to drink so those singing voices won't be strained."

so, without any objections, the five kids take a break—drinking punch and catching up on town gossip.

"what?! you broke up with marius?!"

mabel's jaw drops nearly the same time the news drops, but everyone else remains indifferent. sure, candy and pacifica would have already known about this, but dipper was just plain uninterested.

"it wasn't a big deal, really," grenda explains. "there was only so much clinginess i could take!"

"speak for yourself," pacifica chimes in, checking her nails, "sounds to me like you could've been set for life. you were dating the prince of austria!"

"yeah, and it was a long-distance relationship, too!" mabel exclaims, "emphasis on distance!"

"what's distance if he wanted to fly me out to austria every weekend?! the guy just couldn't leave me alone!"

"yeesh," pacifica cringes; her facial expression in her signature look of disgust, "when you put it like that, maybe dumping the guy was right move. i can't imagine dating someone hovering over me like that, laughing and agreeing at every single thing i say."

"ha-ha!" dipper chokes out, blushing madly, hovering over pacifica, "you're totally right, paz!"

as the blonde in question raises an eyebrow, confused, the three remaining girls shares looks of mischief amongst each other; smirking slyly.

"speaking of your dating life, paz..." mabel begins in a teasing voice, "have you... say, got yourself any boyfriends, lately?"

now, it was pacifica's turn to blush—her cheeks a tinted pink.

"uh... no?" drawing out the confused 'no' in her reply, pacifica looks puzzled once more. "mabel, what—"

"AH-HA-HA-HA-HA~" dipper's forced laughs come out more obnoxious this time around, taking his sister's hand as he leads them out of the living room.

"mabel!"

"no... no... not you, too..."

"pacifica, you know in your heart that gideon's right. summer ends."

"but... i don't want it to end! i don't want to go back and... and..."

losing her words, pacifica looks back into dipper's eyes. deep down, she agreed with him wholeheartedly. she knew he was telling the truth.

but they were in pacificaland now. and the truth is not what she wants. especially if all the truth has done was hurt her and continued to do so.

"you said you wouldn't hurt me, dipper."

then there it was. the ache in his chest had returned. it didn't make sense, though! he was so sure that the guilt had been resolved after that night of the party at his mansion... so, why did it come back? he didn't so anything wrong. dipper made a deal with will so he could be granted full guardianship of the bubble and keep pacifica from harm.

she was all fine until that know-it-all gideon pines got in the way... he thinks he knows what's best for pacifica, and look what that go him—after all, he was the reason why the joyful blonde had felt so down in the first place! dipper didn't hurt pacifica, it was all gideon!

turning away from pacifica, dipper looks into gideon's eyes. if he could glare into them long enough, maybe daggers could materialize out of his brown eyes, shooting straight into gideon's blue ones.

what he didn't expect, however, was for gideon to stand his ground; staring back at dipper with the same amount—if not, more—determination than the once-evil psychic.

then, all at once, dipper's own words have struck him, remembering his promise to pacifica.

"i… i know it's too late for you to trust me… and i clearly don't deserve your forgiveness… but i do wanna try. i want to be a better person."

if i want to be more than pacifica's hero... he thinks to himself, i have to be someone worthy of loving... i have to do the right thing...

i have to be a better person.

"but, paz, you don't get it... mabel had cost me my dream school."

dipper repeats for the umpteenth time, lamenting over what could have been. he knew better than to be holding resentment over his twin sister for so long, but he just couldn't shake it off.

pacifica clearly notices this, which motivates her all the more to get her old friend to see sense.

"dipper, mabel and i haven't been on good terms this whole time, but after telling me the whole story, i've begun to see her in a different light." she confesses, laying a freshly-manicured hand atop inter-dimension traveller. "what baffles me is that while you can recall having a rich history with her, but it's only the two instances that she's done you wrong that keep a hold in your heart."

"but mabel was the reason i couldn't get into my dream school! she ruined my whole future in the blink of an eye—"

"she ruined your future, huh?" pacifica cuts him off, cocking a brow. "you want to know what i think, dipper?"

"paz—"

"no, maybe that big head of yours has influenced you in the past twenty years, and now it's got to your mouth—but i'm not going to stand for this. mabel is your twin sister. you guys sounded like two inseperable peas in a pod, but you've let that wrinkly brain of yours ruin probably the greatest friendship you've ever had."

pacifica pokes dipper's forehead for effect.

"sure, woe is you that you didn't get accepted to west coast. i'm sorry you didn't get to go into your dream school, but you went to backupsmore. you did the same work you hoped to accomplished at your first choice of school, but you pushed yourself even harder. if anything—you've probably found more success at backupsmore than west coast!"

"but mabel can't just get off scot-free—"

"your parents threw her out on the streets, dipper!" pacifica exclaims, utterly baffled by his sheer audacity, "things might've not have gone your way, but if they did back then, would you have been happier?"

hot tears begin to well up in the blonde's eyes, trying her hardest not to let them fall.

"you would have never come here! you would have never met... me..."

realizing that perhaps he did let his grievances get the better of him yet again, dipper had easily forgotten that he was only wanted to catch up over coffee with an old friend (maybe even get a second date afterwards), but he's blowing it.

blowing it big time.

"pacifica, of course i'm thankful for the way things turned out. meeting you was one of the best things that's ever happened to me."

"well, it sure doesn't feel like it..." she remarks, refusing to back down.

"look, i understand why you would be upset with mabel. sure, she ruined your chances of getting to your dream school, and got you trapped in another dimension for like, two decades, but she didn't mean to hurt you on purpose—and i think, deep down, you know this too."

though he wouldn't admit out loud, dipper did agree with pacifica's words. maybe it was just easier to stay mad at his sister because some part of him, subconsciously, knew that he was also to blame for where he ended up—especially getting himself sucked into the portal that he built himself.

"besides, if mabel was really as bad as you claimed her to be, then she wouldn't have spent all this time fixing your portal—just to get yourself out. in retrospect, what she did would typically require a prayer and a miracle to do: mabel self-educated in sciences, paid off your mortgage, and kept secrets to protect herself and her family. she did all this, her determined solely based on the very slim chance she could fix her mistake and bring you back home."

he wanted so badly to tell her that she was right. his mouth was already open, but with no words coming out, left speechless by the blonde's truth, he disappointed her; yet again.

"you know, i really missed you, dipper—but it turns out i didn't know you as well as i thought. call me when you decide to stop listening to your head and listen to your heart for a change."

with those final words, pacifica pulls out some bills from her wallet, before getting up from the booth, and out of the diner.

"what?!"

mabel yelps right before her brother frantically slaps a hand over her mouth, then peering over his shoulder to see if her loud reaction drew any attention from their guests.

with dipper's head turned, the other twin takes a chance and licks his hand, causing not only him to retract in disgust, but her as well; forgetting in that brief moment how sweaty her brother really was.

"mabel, seriously?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

spitting out and blowing raspberries with her tongue, she spats: "ugh! when do you ever not sweat?"

"whatever, that's not the point!" dipper replies, still hushed.

after blowing the last raspberries, mabel continues, whispering as well: "you haven't asked pacifica to be your girlfriend yet? spring break's almost over!"

"i know, i know, it's just..." he turns back to the living room, looking solemnly at the blonde; currently laughing along with candy and grenda. "i thought i was ready, i really did..."

seeing the gloom in her brother's face, mabel puts a hand to dipper's shoulder.

"so, what happened bro-bro?"

turning back to face his sister, dipper draws a deep sigh before asking: "mabel, do you think, if pacifica and i start dating... we'll end up arguing more than mom and dad?"

"huh?" she questions, her face puzzled.

"i mean, pacifica and i are just so different... and it's only been almost a year since we've met..." dipper explains, "on the other hand, our parents have known each other for almost twenty years... but that didn't stop them from those big arguments last year... do you think—"

"dipper, let me stop you right there," mabel interrupts, holding her hands up in a 'stop' gesture, "you and pacifica are nothing like mom and dad—and that doesn't have to be a good or bad thing! you guys have an awesome dynamic, whether as friends or as a couple—nudge nudge! the point is, you should ask pacifica to be your girlfriend when you feel you're ready. don't rush it, and definitely don't let other relationships like our parents get to you. after all, there's always summer!"

after giving it some thought, dipper looks away from mabel, turning to pacifica once more, then back to his sister; smiling.

"you make a good point, mabel... thanks. 'sides, there's always summer, right?"

after breaking free from the bubble in which will has imprisoned pacifica, she—along with the company of dipper, mabel, gideon, melody, and robbie—have made their way back to the tent of telepathy.

though found seemingly empty at first, the battle cries of the townsfolk taking refuge in the shack provokes the group of people who had just came from weirdmaggedon.

that is, until one of the folk—the six-fingered one in particular—had spotted their great niece and nephew, almost immediately standing down.

"kids?"

"grunkle ford!" dipper and mabel cheer, rushing to hug the old man.

"i can’t believe it! i thought i lost you two.” he says, capturing the twins in his arms.

“did you really?” mabel asks smugly.

“no,” ford answers, returning a smug grin back at her, “i was looking forward to not being bothered by you deliquents anymore.”

“you can always try again, grunkle ford.” dipper says.

“so, how did you all get here?”

ford then proceeds to recall the events from his perspective as weirdmaggedon unfolded, noting how the tent was the only place unaffected by will’s powers due to the protection of the unicorn hair.

“eventually, all these injured stragglers show up needing a place to stay. since the mayor got captured, i elected myself de facto chief. the plan's to stay in here and eat brown meat until we run out, then eat the gnomes."

as ford finishes explaining to his niece and nephew impassively, a nearby gnome immediately picked up on the chief's plan and gasped in utter disgust.

"hey! i'm short, not deaf!"

glancing from the kids to the gnome, ford remains indifferent.

"survival of the fittest, pal. sucks to be you, i guess."

"grunkle ford, we can't all just hide inside the tent," mabel reasons, "we have to save the town! gideon, stan, and i tried to do it, but grunkle stan ended up getting captured by will."

"serves that jerk right, it's what you get for trying to be a hero." ford remarks, then gestures to the townsfolk taking refuge in the tent. "besides, look at these people. the reason why they're here is not from the kindness of my heart, they're here out of fear—because people blindly following me would be less torturous than following some all-powerful space demon."

"so, you're really going to let will win?" gideon asks.

"kid, we got the best deal we could possibly get." the elder gleeful says, lounging back on his recliner. "be lucky that my niece is all sweet on you, otherwise i'd be kicking you and your cousin out on the streets with whatever townsfolk were unfortunate to not take refuge."

gideon frowns deeply, disgusted and frustrated with the six-fingered man. pacifica, although offended by the remark, is saddened on her cousin's behalf; considering that her uncle and aunt—despite their significant lack of quality parenting—are still out there amongst the chaos.

so, understandably, mabel is furious, and dipper places a empathetic hand on pacifica's shoulder—sharing in her lament.

she couldn't believe it... pacifica had waited for so long... she's waited twenty years, just to see him again.

though she would never admit it out loud to anyone else, pacifica's had dreams about reuniting with her former partner, many of them just a grasp away from a happy ending... that is, until she gets pulled back to consciousness at the final moment, and she realises...

he's not there.

after years of hoping, asking whatever external forces in the universe, just for the chance to see dipper pines one more time.

yet, after that lunch at greasy's, when pacifica finally got the chance to catch up with her old friend, she got to really know who dipper actually was... and it was just like in those final moments before she woke up each morning for the past couple decades.

he's still not here.

so, though it pains her heart to do this, pacifica needs to give dipper space. as long as things between him and his sister remain unresolved, how could she begin to think about having their own relationship mended?

but she's waited for twenty years... she won't mind waiting a little bit more.

take the rift...

"huh?" she scans the town around her. "who's there?"

nobody was nearby. in fact, she doesn't remember seeing the town in such a... monochromatic state. it was chilling, to say the very least.

after confirming nothing was behind her, pacifica shook her head rather wildly, trying to get her vision back. she didn't even summon him... she's fully awake... so, how did pacifica end up in the dreamscape?

suddenly, a being manifests before her. yellow, triangle-shaped, demonic. the blonde recognized him from the pages of the notebook, as well as the numerous tapestries she's locked up in one of the many closets in her mansion. after inheriting the property, stowing those demon-tapestries away was just about one of the first thing's she done to northwest manor.

"stay back!" she roars, standing guard.

"oh, llama, i'm sure your family raised you to be more poised than that." bill teases, swarming around her.

"you're nothing but bad news, you triangle goblin." pacifica spats, folding her arms, her hip cocked to one side. "i know you're like some sort of massive psycho, but you'd have to be even more mindless to think i'd make some deal with you."

"no need to be hostile, llama." bill says, backing away and giving her space. "i noticed that you had a lover's quarrel with pine tree lately, and i just want to give you something small to lift up your spirits."

"dipper and i don't have anything together." she states bluntly, clearly uninterested. "and i'm well off on my own, so if you're thinking of making me like, the richest person in the world, forget it."

"what if i gave you a better pine tree?" he offers, floating about and around her again. "in a snap, i can re-wire the old geek..."

with a snap of his fingers, a phantom of dipper appears before the two, walking towards pacifica with a smile on his ghostly face.

"a pine tree that isn't self-absorbed and all-consumed by science."

though he is a phantom, the animated dipper is able to take pacifica's hand in his. bill's probably controlling me, isn't he?

"a pine tree that can listen to his heart."

using his free arm to circle her waist, this dipper pulls pacifica close to him, his ghastly eyes seemingly consumed by her.

maybe, pacifica can't wait any longer. after all, she is getting old. besides, with dipper being the same age, she knows that he's getting old too. he's finally back home, so perhaps he ought to finally get some rest.

but it's not right. if she let herself sank this low, dipper would never forgive her. heck, she doesn't even think she could forgive herself. he wouldn't even be the dipper she fell in grew to like.

"all i need is this galaxy-looking globe of your boyfriend's. it's nothing big, so he won't miss it. so, whattaya say?"

looking from 'dipper' to bill's hand, ready for a shake, pacifica's determination returns to her; hitting her stronger than ever.

"my pine tree is perfect the way he is."

"what?" bill sputters in disbelief.

"you heard me," pacifica pulls away, staring into the demon's eye, "no deal."

"YOU FAKE BLONDE IMPENDING PATERNITY TEST! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I CAN UNMAKE YOUR FAMILY'S LEGACY AND YOU'LL BE LEFT WITH NOTHING—"

"i don't care. i have preston, and i have dipper."

"YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF STOLEN INCOME! IT’LL BE EVEN EASIER TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM YOU! MAKE THE DEAL, LLAMA."

without hesitance, she raises a fist; completely all out of patience.

"NO!"

"wait, so if the answer to the equation is zero, then why can't x also be zero?" pacifica asks as her eyebrows knit together, staring from the homework spread on her desk back to the dork on video call from her laptop. "anything that's multiplied by zero has to equal zero, right?"

"yeah, but if you applied zero in place of x," dipper explains, amused by the blonde's annoyance. "you'd have two multiplying negative one, making the answer—"

"negative two, yeah, yeah." pacifica cuts him off, waving it aside. "lemme try again, but i need you to shut up for a bit."

on screen, dipper looks deadpanned, but he knew that pacifica was really trying. the school year was almost over, and thanks to insufficient funds to keep her original tutor, pacifica was left to her own devices.

the thing was, he has helped her all year, and she was perfectly confident with her grades... so, why are the stakes so much higher now?

"x equals negative two or one-half!"

"see, i knew you could do it." dipper smiles at her through the monitor.

chuckling at the dopey expression on his face, pacifica feels her cheeks grow warm, smiling back at him. "thanks dipper... but i couldn't have done it without you. actually... i think i might've needed to repeat the eight grade if it wasn't for you."

"you kidding me? you're great at practically anything you put your mind to!"

heh, i hope you're right about that, dip.

what pacifica isn't telling him is how much of a big deal her final math exam really is for her. as far as he knows, it's just her first final exam that she's gotten without an expensive tutor nor the safety net of her parents' fortune to get her into the ninth grade.

"bro-bro! tell your girlfriend ya gotta go! dinner's ready!"

mabel's off-screen call promptly causes her brother to be fully red in the face, momentarily losing his cool; to which pulls a giggle from the other end of his video call.

"sounds like i gotta let you go, bro-bro." pacifica teases, reaching for her laptop, over the sheets and textbooks. "same time, tomorrow?"

"heh, of course." dipper replies, chuckling nervously as he rubs the back of his neck. "sorry about mabel, you know how she is—"

"you don't need to apologize for anything, dork. catch ya later."

the dopey, awkward grin on dipper's face is the last thing she sees before she clicks on the 'end call' button, butterflies swarming in her stomach as she's temporarily allured by the goofiness that is her crush—not that she'd admit it to anyone else, though.

soon enough, those butterflies turn into rumbles, her stomach calling out for food as well.

after shutting her laptop and abandoning post at her desk, pacifica begins to make her way down to the kitchen.

"it's about time you showed up."

preston speaks bluntly as he and his wife are sitting on the dining table, with no food before them.

"we're starving, darling." priscilla says. "we thought we were going to have to wait forever for that... pines boy... to finally end your tutor session."

taking in a deep breath, pacifica sighs just as heavily, walking towards the fridge: "what are you guys going to make me prepare tonight?"

after viewing toby determined by turned to stone, soon to join will’s throne of subdued townsfolk, the remaining people in the tent of telepathy are finally pushed to the edge—the drive of freeing the town overruling their fear of will’s tyrannic takeover.

led by the team of gideon, pacifica, and the gleeful twins, all of the refuged individuals desperately assist tad mcgucket in turning the tent of telepathy into a force for battle.

days later, their combined efforts resulted in the completion of the remodeled tent of telepathy; much to ford’s dissatisfaction.

"thanks for these apocalyspe sweaters, pacifica." melody praises, physically snug in the cashmere. "the end of the world has never felt so comfortable."

"you were always a girl of many talents, sunshine." dipper chimes in, proudly showing off the sweater with a pine tree in the center.

the rest of the refugees are in agreement; nodding and humming.

hearing a shiver from behind her, pacifica shoots mabel a look as she notices she's still sweaterless. desperate to just warm up.

"ugh!" she whines, caving in as she pulls out a pink sweater with a shooting star in the center. "fine i'll wear it," she says, putting it on, "but i'm not gonna like it."

"admit it, this is the best day of the end of the world." pacifica says, taking a seat between dipper and gideon. "i think we actually have a chance to defeat will and win back our future."

"yeah," gideon adds, "can't believe i'm saying this, but i would much rather want to live to see mabel and dipper turn thirteen."

mabel gives gideon a soft smile, something that not even her twin brother has ever seen from her—and surprisingly, gideon even smiles back at mabel.

"if we're lucky, sunshine, i guarantee we'll throw another party at the manor and invite everyone in town."

though she knew dipper was certain about it, pacifica still raises a brow in suspicion; purely out of testing him.

sighing, he places a hand over his chest: "i promise, pacifica."

hearing the approaching footsteps from one of his two nephews, dipper sighs, putting aside whatever work he was currently tending to, now tending to his nephew instead.

"let me guess: stanley didn't take it well."

the young stanford pines shakes his head, regret and doubt starting to spread across his face.

"i don't know, maybe i'm making the wrong decision." ford replies, looking up at his grunkle. "i need to think about this."

"ford, right now we need to focus on the mission." dipper says, trying to pacify his nephew's gloom. "now come on, i've got the glue—hand me the rift and let's make history."

turning his frown into a smile, ford reaches into his supposed backpack, only to pull out—a birthday flyer?!

"what? oh no! the rift!"

it's the last day of exam week, and the weight of the world is on pacifica shoulders... or at least that's how she's feeling right now.

pulling up to the front of the school, the blonde unbuckles her seatbelt, picking up her bag, and is just about to open the door before her father halts her.

"pacifica," preston calls to his daughter, causing her to turn back to him. "you are a northwest. remember, if you don't get a perfect score on that final exam, you can say goodbye to your inheritance."

suddenly, pacifica's taken back to the day of the golf tournament between herself and mabel—and it only makes her feel worse.

so, she doesn't give anything to her dad but an affirmative nod, steps out of the vehicle, and watches as the family car drives off.

once the car was out of view, pacifica rushes into the school and in the washroom, locking herself in a stall.

hyperventilating, the distressed blonde holds a hand to her chest—though it doesn't do anything to slow her breathing nor stabilize the rise and fall of her chest. before she knew it, hot tears stream down her face, and the choked sobs that barely escape from her are just a cork from a full-on piercing cry.

get it together pacifica! she begs in her mind. stop being so weak!

feeling hopeless, the floor in the stall might as well turn into a black hole and swallow pacifica whole. it's still early in the morning, maybe she can just play hooky... and just catch the next bus to piedmont. it's not like her parents would miss her, right? especially when she won't get that perfect score they were hoping for. maybe he was right...

YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING—

it was only a single ringtone that pulls pacifica from her mind. rubbing her tears away and taking a sniffle, she pulls out her phone and reads the caller id from the screen.

𝗠𝗔𝗕𝗘𝗟 𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 💫

pacifica thinks about answering, she really does, but what could she say? the only person she's ever been vulnerable with was her brother.

before she knew it, pacifica lets her phone ring for too long, letting her enemy-turned-frenemy-turned-friend[ish?] go to voicemail.

"hey pacifica! dipper and i are just about to head to school, so we wanted to give you a call and wish you good luck on your math final! remember, no matter what the result is, our support for you is as long as pi! ha! get it? 'cause it's endless?? eh??? anyways, we'll always be proud of you, paz!"

pacifica rolls her eyes, chuckling at the shooting star's oh-so familiar cheesiness.

"mabel's right," a different voice enters the message, "you've done so well in school this year all by yourself, so don't sweat it, pacifica. you're going to nail that final, and even if you're not happy with the score, you should be proud of all the work you've put in this year."

"psst! dippingsauce!" pacifica can hear mabel call out to him, but her voice is rather hushed, likely due to her being some distance away from her phone. "tell paz you less than three her!"

"'less than three her'? what do you mean, 'less than three'..." dipper's voice dies down at the end, dead air follows the voicemail as he figures out what his sister meant.

"MABE—"

just like that, the voicemail ends—or rather, cuts off. pacifica sniffles, but she finds herself smiling. chuckling, actually.

who was she kidding? of course they were right! she's pacifica northwest. the only northwest that ended her family's curse. the same girl who showed up to a family photoshoot because she stopped caring about what others wanted her to be. the llama of bill cipher's zodiac!

bill was wrong, and after all she's done to save their lives—her parents no longer get the privilege to boss her around and treat her like a butler.

so, when pacifica finally cleans herself up, then walks in the classroom to take her final math exam for the school year, she's filled with nothing but confidence. she's pacifica, after all. as if she was going to finish the eight grade with anything less than an A+.

but, her mom and dad can keep that stupid inheritance of hers, she can make her own fortunes.

"this whole plan is insane, but no one asked the chief what he thinks. after all i've done for everyone!"

"hey dipper? mabel?" pacifica calls to them, but looks in the direction of the twins' grunkle. "shouldn't you guys talk to your grunkle? he doesn't look alright..."

"oh, we already know why he's acting like that," mabel brushes it off, only looking at ford for a second before staring back at pacifica, "don't worry about it, pacifica. he's always been this stubborn, but he'll come around. just needs to blow off some steam, that's all."

then, when mabel turns away to continue chatting with gideon, dipper shakes his head and rolls his eyes before talking to the blonde.

"to make a long story short, sunshine: mabel and i have been helping grunkle ford rescue grunkle stan ever since we could remember. after discovering that will had a connection to stan's dissappearance, understandably, we've tortured him enough to surrender and be subservient to us—using his powers and the tent of telepathy to steer suspeciting eyes away. once we got stan back, he only ever expressed gratitude to mabel and i—holding his grudge against ford."

"oh..." it wasn't pacifica, but gideon reacting to his former enemy's story. "so you guys weren't really evil, after all—just misunderstood?"

"nah, with stan's smarts, and ford's con-man skills, we could've easily turned the falls into gleefulland—ow!"

dipper holds a hand to his side, turning back to pacifica, who looks at him with a dissappointing pout.

"jerk. if neither of you are going to talk to ford, then i will."

"so, this is how the world ends. not with a bang, but with a boop-boop."

"weirdmaggedon." ford says, he and his grunkle looking up to the x-shaped rip in the sky—which the younger pines could only assume would be the portal to the nightmare realm.

"the rift is shattered." dipper says, lifting his nephew up as he gets run over by various animals and creatures. "bill's world is spilling into ours and every minute his powers grow stronger."

"stanley!" ford panics as eyes go wide. "the rift must've cracked inside his backpack. he must be in danger. i have to go and find him."

rushing towards the walkie-talkie, ford calls out to stan: "stanley! come in, stanley! stanley!"

"ford. listen to me." dipper calls to the boy sternly, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "we can find your brother soon, but right now, we need to stop bill. if we could blast him back through the rip he came out of, we just might be able to stop him before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe."

"are you sure defeating bill is even possible?" ford asks, a hint of uncertainty rises in his voice.

"no. i'm not sure." dipper confesses, but with every bit of courage he could muster from within himself, he looks down at ford. taking a knee down to his nephew's level, the elder pines looks into the eyes of the six-fingered boy—hoping that the next words that leave his mouth transfer a spark of a fight in ford. "but being a hero means fighting back even when it seems impossible. will you follow me?"

"to the ends of the earth."

a/n: omg FINALLY part 2 is done! i just want to take this moment to thank every single one of you for all the support and praise you have given me since i released the first part. i just want to give a heads up that since school is starting again for me, and balancing that with my job, i clearly won't have as much spare time to be working on this fic—but i'll try my best to have the final part posted within two months from now.

writing ilyieu has been so great for me, not just in terms of engagement and the traction i get from other users, but also for my writing. usually, i don't think i would be posting this much writing in such a short span of time... i haven't been this proactive in my writing since 2020 when all i had was quarantine and wattpad, if i gotta be honest.

i hope that this part is just as good as the first, because the next part is going to be last—as it wraps up the stories i have between dipcifica in all thre au's. your ongoing support means so a lot to me, so please send me lots of likes, reposts, and even asks my way! just about any engagement will likely inspire me to keep writing! here, how about i answer some of those future asks right now:

q: jen, your writing is so awesome! do you think alex hirsch will hire you to help him write any future books for gf?

a: uh—i don't have a degree in english or any related subjects, but if he's still willing to pay me—I SURE FRIGGIN HOPE SO

q: do you actually like gravity falls or are you just writing this because the book of bill came out/you just started watching the series/you know gf is trending on tumblr/you wanted to join the gf hype while it's still trending?

a: yes. definitely. absolutely. (stan pines would be so proud of me :,))

q: ur writing sucks/u take so long to post/u copied [insert name here] so unoriginal

a: this is definitely not a rick roll

anyways, thanks a bunch again for your guys' support! you’ve gotten me my first 200+ notes, my recent dipcifica drabble has already surpassed 100 (despite only writing and posting it yesterday), and i’m actually gaining a following (even if it’s small!) i’ll be posting more soon!

taglist: @wwwritererm @a-messy-flower @stormcloudsarepretty @marii-iana @whosbex @seukymin @vegas96 @caro2004 @ghostlyvisiting @frozzuwuwu @cyanside @mcmymuffin @poorlittlerichgirll @invisible-vampire13 @tielmamon @optimussy @hoatzin2 @janis01127 @platonicallyalone @raccoonchild333 @kagura15 @suckerfordylansstuff @cosmic-peonies @ashisuniverse @automaticpandaoperatorpizza

follow #jw: i love you in every universe for more content!

[solaireverie]

dr3 | deep blue but you painted me golden

part three — long live all the walls we crashed through

[ series masterlist ] part 1 | part 2 | part 4

pairings: daniel ricciardo x f!leclerc!rbr driver!reader, lestappen

summary: [ social media au ] red bull's second and third drivers learn to get along, y/n wins her first grand prix, and things get... complicated

warnings: mentioned/implied sex (13+ only please) (if you're -13 get off tumblr)

faceclaim: barbara palvin + random faceless checo/max pics + pinterest

author’s note: technically max and charles aren't together yet. they're still in the friends-with-benefit-in-denial phase. oof. also the lack of gay paparazzi photos is a CRIME. enjoy!

liked by charles_leclerc, redbullracing, danielricciardo and 249,736 others

yourusername back home and ready for the monaco gp 🤟

view comments

pierregasly whoever places lower has to pay for dinner?

↪ yourusername i'll hold you to it, gasly

↪ user pierre is this really a wise bet to make with red bull's current pace 😐

↪ yourusername shhh 🤫 i want free food

lorenzotl maman wants you and charles to bring arthur home before midnight

↪ arthur_leclerc why am i the only one with a curfew 😨 y/n's barely older than me

↪ yourusername formula 1 privileges 😌

↪ charles_leclerc more like maman knows you'll just sneak out like always 😶

↪ yourusername charles marc hervé perceval leclerc i know who you've been pining after for the past decade. watch your words

↪ charles_leclerc i thought we agreed not to speak about that???

Max Verstappen, Y/n Leclerc, and Daniel Ricciardo on Monaco — Oracle Red Bull Racing

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, maxverstappen1 and 569,420 others

tagged: yourusername, maxverstappen1

redbullracing We're ready for the Monaco Grand Prix as Y/n takes her first-ever pole position with Max locking out the front row in P2 🥳

view comments

user literally can't wait for the race

user i wonder if y/n will be able to keep p1 🤔

↪ user i mean at least she'll have an advantage on a track like monaco 🤞

user rbr 1-2 loading...

liked by redbullracing

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 998,574 others

yourusername je ne peux pas le croire, mais c'est la réalité 💫 aujourd'hui est le plus beau jour de ma vie. merci aux fans, mon équipe, mes amis, ma famille... je n'ai pas de mots pour ma joie 🇲🇨🥇

[ i can't believe it, but it's reality 💫 today is the best day of my life. thank you to the fans, my team, my friends, my family... i don't have words to describe my joy 🇲🇨🥇 ]

view comments

charles_leclerc notre étoile et notre championne ❤️🤍 [ our star and our champion ❤️🤍 ]

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, arthur_leclerc, lorenzotl

pierregasly félicitations! mon portefeuille est prêt 🫡 [ congratulations! my wallet is ready 🫡 ]

↪ yourusername haha je veux du homard [ haha i want lobster ]

maxverstappen1 if someone else had to win at least it's you 🙄

↪ maxverstappen1 jk great job y/n! looking forward to racing you

↪ yourusername awwww tysm maxie 🥰

danielricciardo fantastic driving! guess i lost the bet 😅

↪ yourusername time to make good on your word, ricciardo. i want that falsetto to be PERFECT

↪ charles_leclerc do i want to know what's going on?

↪ yourusername daniel said that if i placed higher than max today he'd go karaoke-ing with us AND that he'd do a cover of heart attack 😇

↪ charles_leclerc oh dear...

↪ maxverstappen1 please no i don't need a repeat performance from monaco 2018

↪ danielricciardo too late, max, i'm a man of my word!

likes and reblogs are appreciated!

masterlist

[linnoya-writes]

Zutara Childhood-Friends-to-Lovers Alter-Egos Forbidden-Romance AU (part II)

It was Zuko's idea, to write the first letter.

It had arrived to the Southern Water Tribe by a very cold and shivering messenger hawk, folded by wax stamp of a blue theatrical demon mask nobody had recognized. Nobody, except Katara, and she tried to keep her pounding heart from giving herself and her childhood friend away.

In the years that they had been allies, Katara only recalled the Fire Nation sending messenger hawks to the arctic tundra under dire circumstances (an island's epidemic in need of more healers, a village's drought in desperate need for ice)... and so she noticed the brilliance of her friend's gesture easily. How, in spite of their feuding nations, there was no need to let an innocent creature freeze to death by being turned away as soon as it arrived.

It was Sokka who read the content of the letter. "Her name is Caiduri. She likes fish." Their father had been with the tribal council, and so Sokka was left to decipher the significance of this letter and the writer. "We're supposed to keep this enemy bird?" Sokka deduced. But Katara jumped in immediately to calm Caiduri's annoyed ruffling of feathers, and the bird seemed to find a home on the girl's pelted arm. "She's not our enemy! She's sweet. And she should stay with us until the summer solstice." That meant they would have the bird for months, and Sokka shook his head in disbelief.

"Dad's not gonna like this."

"Well, Dad doesn't have a choice, does he?" She smirked at her brother knowingly.

"Yeah. Well don't get too attached to it. Once it goes back, it's not coming back here."

"It's a she, stupid." But Sokka had already left their hut before he could hear that. Katara groaned, but then yelped as the bird started nipping at her ear. And it hit her that she suddenly had something to take care of-- something else, anyway.

After feeding her the last scraps of their salmon dinner, Katara took Caiduri out with a lantern towards the snowy forest that encompassed the tribal village-- a forest that sang of screeching snowy owl-cats and howling distant polar bear-wolves. The girl had grown accustomed to these sounds, they didn't phase her anymore... but the bird perched on her shoulder trembled from all of the new.

"Don't worry-- you're safe here." Katara reassured, grazing the birds' feathers with a finger. "I just want you to see what I've been working on since the summer."

The little lantern light directed Katara towards a centuries-old pine tree, its trunk leaning back as if basking in the blanket of stars. The tree was as thick as the Fire Nation eastern redwoods that Katara had seen as a child... and it was that memory that had granted her the idea: a tree that thick must have a village of roots underneath, so vast, it can bring up soil a good distance away. And so Katara had searched for a cavern... a bungalow... any place where animals had long abandoned and could still shelter soil and warmth for a foreign seed. Her plum seed was precious; she couldn't just plant it half-heartedly. She tested potential spots with local shrub seeds, first, and then, if it succeeded... with cranberry bushes... and finally, in a little damp bungalow a short hike west of the leaning pine, Katara boldly planted Zuko's gift. All she did was give water and a prayer.

She had done this every night, for weeks.

And when Katara introduced Caiduri to her secret bungalow, the seed's stem was beginning to sprout. Tiny leaves were shining against the lantern light like dew drops.

Katara let the hawk scrunch into her warm pelted hood.

She couldn't help but laugh, thinking that Zuko had been the one to beat her at the first message, the first gift.

It was only because her gift was taking a bit longer to make, and she would've sent it through a private courier or a a stowaway shipment towards the islands. She would've found someone to vouch for her, made up some story to get this gift to the palace after so many levels of clearance.

But Katara had to give it to Zuko; the hawk was a brilliant idea.

By summer solstice, Caiduri returned to the Fire Nation palace. A tiny tropical plum neatly wrapped around the bird's leg. The image of a woman's face obscured by a veiled hat was the first thing Zuko recognized, drawn with ink on the wrapping.

Zuko tried to hide his grin while his uncle and his advisors tried to decipher the strange message.

"As it turns out... she likes plums, too."

[dark-corner-cunning]

Clear Your Path to Spring Success with Path Clearing Magick 

We're entering a phase I like to call the "quickening of the year," as the northern hemisphere slowly warms up for Spring. It's an ideal moment to reflect on our goals for the year, plan our next steps, and clear any obstacles in our path to make way for our aspirations. Just as we clear away debris in the Spring to plant new seeds we may want to consider the powerful magick of a path-clearing working.

What is a path-clearing working, you ask? It's a versatile and effective ritual that can help clear away any barriers or negative energies that may impede your goals and/or progress. This working acts as a multitasker, capable of banishing negativity, invoking positive energy, setting intentions, and shielding you from further obstacles.

When life feels muddled, heavy, or stagnant, and you're facing relentless pressure, miscommunication, and bad luck, a path-clearing working can be the key to unlocking your path to success. By harnessing its energy, you can attract a more favorable and successful aura into your life, allowing you to refocus on your aspirations.

Whether you're seeking to remove negative energies, overcome obstacles, or simply realign with your ambitions, a path clearing working can provide the clarity and momentum you need to propel yourself forward.

Don't let roadblocks hinder your progress this year. Embrace the transformative power of a path-clearing working and pave the way for a brighter, more prosperous future.

Some Path-Clearing Herbs:

Abre Camino

Chicory

Coffee

Epazote

Henbit

Lemon

Peppermint

Pine Needle

Spanish Moss

Star of Bethlehem

Vetiver

Wysteria

My personal favorite combination is:

Chicory

Coffee

Epazote

Lemon

Pine Needle

Spanish Moss

Some Other Herbs To Add To Attract Success, Luck, & Prosperity:

Cinnamon

Bay

High John Root - Personal must to conquer any situation

Basil

Cinquefoil

Clove

Alfalfa

Echinacea

Nutmeg

Allspice

2 Ways To Do A Path-Clearing:

◽ Make an Infused Spell Oil & an herbal blend for candle magick and ritual.

◽ Make a concentrated tea for a Path-Clearing Bath - I will say if you want to go this route... I highly recommend holding off on any spices, this way you won't burn or irritate yourself. Also, I recommend making this beforehand and then letting it cool before adding it to the bath. The bath water should be room temp or colder to shock and open the aura and you definitely want to fully submerge yourself.

The process of path-clearing often involves the use of candles, typically in orange, gold, and green, symbolizing success and action. These candles can be customized with herbs or oils to enhance their energy. Adding a key to enchant with the candle magick can symbolize unlocking new pathways and be a token that you can carry with you, whether using an actual key or a key charm. Some practitioners suggest incorporating a crossroads into their working. If a physical crossroads isn't available, using crossroads dirt or drawing a cross with chalk during your working can serve as alternatives.

And you can definitely add both together to make a wickedly strong path-clearing working!!

[aerodaltonimperial]

THE HORRORS! (26452 words) by argle_fraster, Vamp Chapters: 4/? Fandom: All Elite Wrestling Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Donovan Danhausen/Hook, Darby Allin/Jungle Boy | Jack Perry Characters: Donovan Danhausen, Hook (Professional Wrestling), Darby Allin, Jungle Boy | Jack Perry Additional Tags: Kayfabe Compliant, Just Normal Innocent Men, One Bed Trope but Make it Cursed, Aggressive Pining, Getting Together, Alexa Play Nelly's "Hot in Herrrrrrr", Even the Shadow Realm Bullies Jack Perry, Sexual Tension in a Goth Phase, Humping of the Mild Variety, Haunting, the Haunting is Not Even a Metaphor for their Gay Thoughts but it Kind of Is, Extremely Petty Narrators, POV Multiple, From the Authors Who Brought you "The Price I'd Pay for You", Comes Something Much Better and Significantly Worse Summary: Nothing bad ever happens on the 13th floor.

IT'S UPDATE DAY. Vamp is out of town, so I'm doing the tumblr update. And this update comes with a little relationship chart, since all our players are finally in motion. Enjoy. This might be one of my favorite chapters, but honestly, I think I say that every chapter. Also this chapter was almost 8k. How.

FUN FACTS:

The masterdoc for this is at 153 pages.

I remain convinced this is the greatest thing we've ever written.

We got an idea the other day for one of the later plot points that was so amazing I think we both stopped breathing for like, at least thirty minutes.

I tried to open this doc at work the other day and couldn't do it without laughing, which is a problem because we're in cubicles.

Since last time we had a running "fuck" audit, I thought it would be fun to do one here. Currently the fuck count is at 243, which is 1.58 per page. .... honestly this seems low, but it definitely varies by whose POV is active.

Anywhooooooo enjoy.

[positivelybeastly]

💖 Bobby

How likely they are to enter a relationship with them:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

(So, this is angled specifically at the early Krakoan angle we're going at with our Hank and Bobby thread - Hank is . . . honestly, he's on the skids. He's old, he's tired, he feels despondent and lonely, and he is grasping out for any hand to hold that can stop him from going under. Now, more than ever, he needs someone to grab him and keep him from spiralling. Bobby could very easily be that person, if he can recognise Hank's emotional state. BOBBY CAN SAVE TERRA VERDE.)

Would they…

Make the first move? Yes | No (Mm, this version of Hank might, honestly, if he feels that Bobby might be receptive. He is so desperate for comfort and sympathy and someone to want him for him, his emotional control and his rigidity and need to appear proper is so brittle, that he might well leap at the chance to not be alone anymore.)

Say “I love you” first? Yes | No (Hank does love Bobby, as a friend and potentially much more, if he allows himself to feel it. The moment he feels it's safe, that he can say it and the world won't crack asunder, I see it being very liberating to just get to say I love you. To just get to say it, over and over, and know that it's understood.)

Cheat on them? Yes | No (Even if Bobby may be poly, Hank isn't quite wired that way. He would feel like it's cheating, even if Bobby evidently wouldn't.)

Be the jealous type? Yes | No (He's gonna take time to come around to it, and he's gonna struggle with some feelings, honestly. He might surprise himself with how visceral the feeling of 'mine' will be, considering Bobby is kind of his lifeboat here. But he'll get better, and he'll unlearn this tendency, I feel.)

Plan the dates? Yes | No (Gotta plan around the other partners! Hank is nothing if not considerate.)

Initiate the first kiss? Yes | No (Hank craves the emotional validation and affirmation and connection more than the physical in this context, so I could absolutely see him just being stunned when he's allowed to be someone else's, and Bobby might well have to give him a smooch to wake him up. :)

Remember anniversaries? Yes | No (This Hank tends to get a little more maudlin and would want to commemorate these moments more, so he'd go big for the anniversaries.)

BOLD WHAT APPLIES:

Their Relationship Is:

friends to lovers | rivals to lovers | enemies to lovers | still just enemies | mutual pining | star crossed lovers | old married couple | perpetual honeymoon phase | stable and boring | stable but not boring | secret lovers | best friends hiding their feelings | and they were roommates | friends with benefits | coworkers avoiding HR | one-sided affection | weird sexual tension | it’s complicated | toxic relationship | a secret affair | an actual dumpster fire | other

PUBLIC Displays of Affection:

hand holding | kiss on the hand | kiss on the cheek | kiss on the forehead | kiss on the lips | cuddling | hugging | affectionate messages or comments | pet names | pictures together | no displays of affection

PRIVATE Displays of Affection:

hand holding | kiss on the hand | kiss on the cheek | kiss on the forehead | kiss on the lips |  cuddling | hugging | affectionate messages or comments | pet names | pictures together | no displays of affection

Do they stay together?

yes, this is endgame | yes but someone is gonna die tragically | something is keeping them apart | they part ways as friends | they part ways as enemies | they’re on-again-off-again | they have a super messy breakup | it was just a fling | other

(I feel like once Hank is back in a solid emotional place and re-centred, he would very much be locked in. That stability and comfort, and the delight of having his best friend be his lover and vice versa, would do him a world of good.)

BONUS

What terrible pet names would they give each other?

Answered here, and I feel like the same applies. :)

[pvccblog]

NEW GENERATIONS

Sometimes we say things about the future that we really don't know for sure are going to happen. For example, there have been times when parents of little babies in the church have made comments about when that little baby will be in the youth group as a teenager. That's a tough thing to predict, none of us know exactly where we'll be in 15 years or so. Nicole and I have talked for the last couple years on these trips about what a blessing it is to now have some of these babies serving God with us on Mission Ventures!

Today our Sports Camp Bible lesson was taught by two of these "babies", Martina and Sarah. They did a great job sharing about Jesus calming the storm. My wife and I remember when these girls were born, and are so proud of them! That goes for so many of the other ones we've had on these trips over the last 5 years too.

It reminds us of our PVCC Vision Statement:

"Raising up new generations of both physical and spiritual descendants who are strong, bold, and fruitful in the love and mission of our Lord Jesus Christ".

We are witnessing this vision being lived out before us! Not just with those physical descendants who we have literally known since they were born, but also with spiritual descendants like Andrew who came to Christ later in his life and began attending PVCC just two and a half years ago. God is so faithful! We've been through many different phases as a church over the years, but God has continued to provide in miraculous ways. To Him be the glory!

We had three or four new ones at sports camp this morning. They had a great time. Phin shared the sports story and it was a really good one about "The Freezer Bowl", an NFL playoff game in the early 80s that the Chargers unfortunately lost. It set the stage for our Bible lesson as we talked today about Jesus being able to calm the storms in our lives.

Between sports camp and BARF, Pastor Fred set up a viewing party at the church for the US versus France Olympic soccer match. Unfortunately the US came up short but it was fun to watch together. After the match the ladies went with Fred's wife Cindy to pick up their daughter and other son who have been serving at a local Christian camp. We're excited to have them back with us!

BARF Night continues to grow each night. We were told by a man who lives in the neighborhood close to the park that he can tell from his house that we're having a lot of fun over there. Tonight was no exception! With our largest crowd of the week we played The Captain is Coming and Plunger Ball. We also heard testimonies from two young men who shared boldly - Andrew from Pine Valley and Danner from Arago. The first couple nights girls shared, and it was nice to have two guys tonight because the majority of the new people who came were teenage guys.

We all hung out after BARF Night for about 30 more minutes and people were just getting to know each other. Sarah was walking the field with a local girl trying to get to know her a little more, then a few more of us joined and we had a great conversation about Jesus and about some tough things in her family right now. Broken families seem to be the norm around here. Please pray for all the different churches in this area to be able to reach these families with the gospel! It is such a huge need!

Glendale in particular seems to be a pretty tough place. Our theme for Sports Camp this week is "Undefeated". Our theme verse is Romans 8:37:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

Pastor Fred told us that he was glad that our theme is undefeated. He said that Glendale could be more fittingly characterized by the word "defeated". We see this everyday as we drive through town to our events. Pretty early in the day there are people hanging outside the local bar, there is a bit of a homeless population and various people that seem to have a history of all kinds of abuse. Yet the kids here are so energetic and sweet and are enjoying their time with us so much. Please pray that some of these things that have been going on for generations here would change by the power that only the gospel can bring!

The first night we were in Glendale we shopped at the local Dollar General. We actually witness a couple young people trying to steal alcohol from the store. The cashier saw them running towards the door and just body checked them with all her might! The boxes came opened and cans flew everywhere and the shop lifters ran off. It was super intense, and something we certainly don't see in California! We've developed a bit of a relationship with this cashier as we go to that store at least once each day. We have no idea of her background but would love for God to open doors for us to share with her as well. Please keep that in your prayers!

I'm heading to bed with a huge smile on my face and just feeling totally blessed. This team has been wonderful and God is working in and through them. They are awesome! Goodnight everyone and thanks so much for your support!

[saveourskinship]

Thankathankathank youuuuu @akorah for the tag 🥰

Three Ships:

Dramione. Because kissing someone furiously while grumpily saying "You. It's you. It's always you but... Why does it have to be you" is my jam, bread, butter, marmalade and vegemite [marmite if you're heathen ie smutty]

Zutara. Because they make each other better. They move each other forward. Because fire. Because water. Because lightning. Because ice. Because scars. Because healing. Because because because.

Skam and Beadie. This is cheating because they are original characters I am writing. They are not even a couple but God help me am I the hell leaving space to write my own fanfiction about them. Maybe an HEA where they don't all die at the end. *shrugs*

First Ship:

In anything: Barbie and Action Man. Before I was even in school my sister and I would steal our brother's Action Man as Barbie's partner. Ken's job was Beach. Our Barbie needed a man with a plan.

In media: Sora/Kairi from Kingdom Hearts. I used to devour fanfic about them. Shout out to the one which sticks in my brain and introduced me to My Chemical Romance when Kairi got married to Squall because of something to do with Mickey being an little shitprick which I think was because of some soul signature nonsense? I can't remember and anyway Demolition Lovers was their wedding song and the bane of my mother's existence - Save's Emo Phase was born.

Last Song:

Girls Like You - The Naked and Famous (shit, this is actually a lie, but it's the last 'proper' song I listened to since I don't count the demo I'm making for my friend's satire girlpunk band she decided to create last night as a real song yet. It just has boop-boop-boops. Night Lunch can pull off songs with only doof-doofs and boom-booms. I cannot. So the demo won't be real until Sasha does the drums at least.)

Last Movie:

What A Girl Wants. Look. It's Amanda Bynes. I love Amanda Bynes. It is also Colin Firth and blue blood upper crust English vibes (done poorly, sure, but still). The last chapter of rose-petal compliments is needing all the help I can get it right now.

Currently Reading:

Harrow the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir

Lesbian necromancers in space. Need there be another reason?

Currently Watching:

Jujitsu Kaisen Season Two (Gojo, my love. I salivate, I wither, I breathe so much ecstasy I lack oxygen and die.)

Taskmaster NZ (rewatch. Like, no shade to my country or anything [said under the world's largest umbrella] but fuck we're shit.)

Last Thing I Wrote:

Like, as in finished? Because otherwise it would be this, right?

I wrote delivery instructions for a food order earlier today. Can't have done it very well because the driver still got confused and had to call me.

In terms of Things with Titles that are Complete™️, then an original folktale called.... fuck, what did I call it? I can't remember. It's about an unnamed protagonist and a boatman though. Still waiting on my rejection emails from the magazines I've submitted it to 😂

Currently Writing:

Let's skip over the arseholiness of me saying that I'm currently writing this again, shall we? (Let's not turtles-all-the-way-down my mentioning it either.)

Okay. Here we go:-

rose-petal compliments: dramione. Quiet luxury, Hermione is wealthy. Set in the Muggle world.

sacreligious inferences of a midnight paradise: dramione. Trope soup. Marriage law/fake dating/date or die. (Plus a bunch more tropes because why not?)

The Absolute and Total Defeat of One Draco Malfoy. Multi-ship. Crack. Crack from crest to cunt.

What's Owed When. Dramione. Unexpected Pregnancy. France. Delectomancy. Draco pines so hard he's basically a forest.

foil&fall. Tansy (Teddy Lupin/Pansy Parkinson). Fluff. Epistolary.

Untitled warfic. Dramione. My attempt at All Plot, No Vibes. Yes, you read that right. I'm trying to write something with NO VIBES ALL PLOT. (Draw a pentagram and sage for me, I bloody need it.)

The Environmental Suicide Club. Original YA speculative fiction. This is the one Skam and Beadie are from. Grief. Environmentalism. Nihilism. Set one generation in the future. Everyone dies at the end. A Fun, Very Good Time! Completely unmarketable! Wheeee!

Untitled socmed. Theomione. Writing this one with @they-call-me-megs A bunch of fun and one we return to when we're struggling for inspiration elsewhere.

Aster, the Star-Sailor. Original children's series. Sci-fi, pirate adventure. Came from writing the Tansy and I fell in love with it. Thanks, Pansy.

Fate and Free Will series. Urban fantasy six-book series. Currently undertaking a massive rework of the structure.

wander/wonder. A Luna Lovegood POV story Christmas visual novel. Story is written and am hoping I can finish the video in time for December.

There are a few more but these are the ones I work on a least a little bit every week.

Tagging @they-call-me-megs @thusatlas @paandreablack

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

for the WIP ask game: very curious about fuffy genderfluid, christmas present for echo, catholic boarding school buffy/faith, and non-girl talk buffy and jenny. sorry I know that’s a lot but the list is all very intriguing to me!!

Send me an ask with a title that intrigues you from my list of wip's and I'll tell you something about it or post a snippet from it.

Fuffy Genderfluid:

Buffy thinks she’s about to be kissed but it never comes. When she opens her eyes again, Faith is just staring at her. “What?”

“Got distracted,” Faith says, thumbing Buffy’s cheek affectionately.

“By what?”

“By how beautiful you are.”

Buffy blushes. “You sure you weren’t just watching the TV over my head, getting distracted by…” Buffy turns her head to look at the TV. She continues, “By those two boys kissing?”

Faith frowns at her, “What show are you watching?”

“I’m watching the same thing you’re watching.”

Faith shakes her head like Buffy’s being silly. “That one,” she points to the kid with a shaved head, “is a girl. Her name is Eleven.”

“Eleven?” Buffy thinks she might like this show. Monsters and aliens or whatever aside, another girl with a shaved head? A kid with a name that doesn’t mean she’s a boy or a girl, it’s just gender neutral?

Christmas Present for Echo:

Echo is my friend and beta, and for Christmas this year we exchanged fics :) The one I wrote her was a Faith/Buffy + fake marriage story. Post-Chosen. Supernatural things are happening at a honeymoon resort, Faith and Buffy have to pose as a married couple and go undercover to slay. Angst, pining, awkwardness, and much "how do we act like we're married??" ensue :)

Catholic Boarding School Buffy/Faith:

This one is very loosely based on Bare: A Pop Opera, which is a story of two high school boys secretly in love at Catholic boarding school, set against the backdrop of their school play: Romeo and Juliet. They are, in many ways, Romeo and Juliet. Much angst and tragedy ensue. As someone who was sent to 13 years of Catholic school (of the non-boarding variety) secretly growing up queer, this musical was very formative to me haha and this fic is near and dear to my own experience.

The title of my fic "Am I Here to Damn You? Or to Help You Navigate This Maze?" is one of my favorite lines. Just...the moral questioning that you have to go through being raised in a certain faith, falling in love and being told it's wrong, and then starting to worry not only about the fate of your own soul but of the soul of someone you love so dearly. Just. Ouch??? It hurts so good. Another one of my favorite lines: "Father, we were so in love. And that's what I find so odd. Our love is pure and nothing else brought me closer to God." This musical absolutely destroys me okay???

I'm changing a lot of plot points to fit the Fuffy dynamic and the story I want to tell and tbh I haven't decided whether I'm going for that MCD tragic ending tag or if I'll rewrite. Decisions, decisions. Either way, much angst and moral questioning abound.

Non-Girl Talk Buffy and Jenny:

Summarized here but since I got asked again I suppose I can be brave and share a snippet from my VERY ROUGH draft:

Buffy’s hand stills on the doorknob, and Jenny relaxes her tone, saying the next part with more calm and less urgency. “When I was your age, I was doing the same thing.”

Buffy turns completely, her intention to leave forgotten. A myriad of emotions flit across her face, so quickly that Jenny only registers a couple of them: hope, longing, joy, hesitation. The one Buffy settles on is disbelief. “But…” She glances at Jenny’s obviously unbound chest, then back up to Jenny’s face, her cheeks pink. Asking without asking.

“When I was your age,” Jenny repeats softly.

“So, you’re trying to tell me that it’s ‘just a phase’ and I’ll get over it when I’m older?” Buffy asks, a hint of that angry, defiant Slayer returning. Jenny sees how Buffy manages to give Rupert so much trouble, and she loves her for it.

“You might,” Jenny admits. “Or you might not. I don’t know what’ll happen for you. I didn’t get over it.”

[unhingedselfships]

KimiKura Pining Phase Playlist

You - The Pretty Reckless “You don't want me, no You don't need me Like I want you, oh Like I need you And I want you in my life”

Wicked Games - Chris Isaak (Ursine Vulpine cover) “What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you”

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls “And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight”

Hallucinations - PVRIS “I always thought we'd have another life Dancing alone Left in shadows I paint you in the corner of my mind Pull the colors from the rays of light

Close my eyes, I can't erase you

Hallucinations, you occupy My imagination's running wild”

10AM Gare du Nord - Keaton Henson “My endless distraction, you worry me But I'm trying to figure out how You don't have to make any promises love I'm afraid I might die for you now”

Dead in the Water - Ellie Goulding “If I was not myself And you were someone else I'd say so much to you And I would tell the truth

Cause I can hardly breathe When your hands let go of me The ice is thinning out And my feet brace themselves”

Until the Levee - Joy Williams “I'm gonna wait out past the shadows And breathe the bitter taste I'm gonna drink the lonely down, the lonely down Let the current take me over Let the ruin turn to white I can feel it all around, all around

I'm gonna stand I'm gonna stand here in the ache, until the levee Until the levee on my heart breaks”

Just Pretend - Bad Omens “I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I could wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

We'll try again When we're not so different We will make amends Till then I'll just pretend”

Sudden Desire - Hayley Williams “I wanted him to kiss me how With open mouth, an open mouth We keep our distance now I wanna feel his hand go down I try not to think about What happened last night outside his house Too far to go back now”

It’s All Your Fault - P!nk “It's all your fault You called me beautiful You turned me out And now I can't turn back I hold my breath Because you were perfect But I'm running out of air And it's not fair”

Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy “Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you Should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do”

Monster - Meg Myers “I gotta know that your heart beats fast and I gotta know I'm the only one for you What have I become? I'm a fucking monster When all I wanted was something beautiful

My love too much Your love not enough”

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS “You're taking what you want right from me Wrapped up in so much life, it's just the way you hold me You're picking miscellaneously Wrapped up in all the choices you're not giving to me

I'm laying on the floor We're drinking 'cause we're bored”

All I Wanted - Paramore “I could follow you to the beginning Just to relive the start And maybe then we'd remember to slow down At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you”

He Wants Me Not - Vukovi “Bring you in I know I can't win But your heart don't belong to me And you don't want me then you want me I'm praying for your beating for your Aching for your heart, heart, heart”

Out of My League - Fitz and the Tantrums “'Cause you were out of my league All the things I believed You were just the right kind Yeah, you were more than just a dream You were out of my league Got my heartbeat racing If I die, don't wake me 'Cause you are more than just a dream”

The Trouble With Wanting - Joy Williams “Always on my mind Always alone You could be miles and miles away But somehow you're close

If I can't have the cake And I can't eat it too I guess the sound of your voice and the ache It'll just have to do”

To Die For - Sam Smith “I long for you Just a touch Of your hand You don't leave my mind Lonely days, I'm feeling Like a fool for dreaming”

DYWTYLM - Sleep Token "Do you roll with the waves? Or do you duck into deep blue safety? Is it always the same? Do you wish that you loved me? Do you pull at the chains? Or do you push into constant aching? Each and every day Do you wish that you loved me?"

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys (Sofia Karlberg Cover) I wanna be your setting lotion Hold your hair in deep devotion At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean Now I wanna be yours

Secrets I have held in my heart Are harder to hide than I thought Maybe I just wanna be yours”

[futurewife]

Heard this while I was out today and shazamed it, cause I thought it was so pretty. It's giving me like c.able/me denial and seperation stage (i.e. we have a phase where we're foolishly like "i think we should keep our distance so im going to unexpectedly pull away/i think im saving you pain and regret by forcing us to seperate because i think im going to ruin your life (c.able pov)" uhm.... if you two don't pull it together and throw caution to the wind and seize the moment.) like there's a shots of us seperately doing our own things. Pining. him drinking a beer alone at a kitchen table and me....cleaning my room and smelling one of his shirts I find or something. just kiss. life is short.

[in-any-universe-ever]

Thank you for the angst 🙏 now for more.

Did they ever break up? Even during their "its nothing serious yet" phase. How did aegon and jace deal with their pining across the room, if they weren't like mad or something.

Im so sorry. I don't think we're gonna let you be free from this AU just yet.

I'm going to be the worst improv partner here and tell you that no, Anon, they never break up. These are two people who did not expect to fall in love but the moment they do, that's it. They're in love and they're gonna get married and nothing can tear them apart.

(The closest they come to it is when Luke gives him the ultimatum to get sober or he's gone. Aemond would never let the latter happen, so of course he chooses sobriety.)

As far as the Aegon and Jace reaction, I'll happily respond to that!

"Did you see that? The elbow brush?"

It was an hour into Sunday brunch. Aegon and Jace were huddled in the corner of the room, sipping sangria through straws and studying their brothers intently. There had been a lot to study.

"They're back to back, Aegon, and talking to other people. They're not even looking at each other."

"Exactly! They haven't looked at each other all night!"

Aegon was the one to bring it to Jace's attention. Jace found the idea ludicrous, but Aegon insisted Luke and Aemond were carrying on some kind of secret affair, and that it had been going on for weeks, if not months.

"I know my brother," Jace had said the moment Aegon spewed his conspiracy theory. "He would never date Aemond. He hates Aemond."

Jace's protests fell on deaf ears, and he'd spent the past thirty minutes staring at the two of them while Aegon pointed out minute details that, in Jace's opinion, meant nothing. So far, nothing Aegon said made sense, but the longer they stared, the weaker Jace's resolve felt. So far, Aegon had pointed out:

"My brother recently admitted he was seeing someone. A male someone whose name he refused to say."

"They arrived at the same time. Yes, in different cars, but they pulled into the driveway one after the other, like they were following each other from the same point of origin."

"They arrived at the same time but they entered the house separately, Aemond first because this is our father's home."

"They haven't greeted each other. They always exchange cordial hellos at the very least."

"They're standing close but turned away from each other, as if to say 'Let's pretend we do not notice each other, but still stand near each other.' "

And now the elbow brush. Jace had an excuse for everything Aegon said so far, but he'd seen it. He had to admit their reaction to it was unusual: Aemond was the one who'd done it, a supposedly accidental touch of his elbow against Luke's arm. Luke completely ignored it, but if it had been anyone else or any other day, he would have at least looked to see who'd touched him.

Jace was about to open his mouth to make another excuse, to brush it away again, but then Luke excused himself from the conversation and headed toward the beverage station. The station was within Aemond's line of sight, so Jace looked at Aemond, and just as Aegon poked him in the side with a "Look, look!" Jace saw it: Aemond looked directly at Luke and did not shift his gaze.

"Fuck," Jace muttered.

"I knew it!" Aegon declared.

It was not subtle now that Jace was staring. Aemond shifted his gaze back to Criston several times during their continued conversation, but his eye drifted, again and again, directly at Luke. Each subsequent look was short, casual, but always in the same place until Luke, glass full, turned and caught his eye.

Aemond immediately looked back to Criston. Jace watched Luke, who was determinedly not looking at Aemond and instead at the hallway that led to the bathrooms. Despite having a full cup, Luke set it down on a table and walked casually toward the hallway, eyes flitting about to ensure no one was watching.

"Quick, look at me," Jace said and grabbed Aegon, who was also staring at Luke. Aegon turned and pulled Jace with him.

"I see him in the window," Aegon murmured, eyes past Jace and on the window. The cloudy weather and impending rain resulted in a slight reflection, so Aegon watched Luke leave the room. "Okay, he's gone. What's Aemond doing?"

"Still talking to Cole," Jace said, only briefly glancing that way so as not to rouse suspicion. "Maybe he's just gone to pee?"

"Why didn't he do it before he got another drink?"

"Wait, wait, Aemond's leaving. Do you see him?"

"Yes. Look at me, idiot, don't look at him."

Aegon watched as Aemond casually, but quickly, also exited the room through the same hallway.

"What do we do?" Jace asked. "Do we follow them? You don't think they're really going to do something here, do you?"

"I'm not going to check," said Aegon. "I have no need to learn what that sounds like."

"Me neither. But maybe they both had to pee at the same time. That's very possible."

Aegon rolled his eyes before he scanned the room. Helaena wasn't far, Maelor on her hip while she and Baela cooed over him.

"PSST!"

"Seven hells, Aegon, just call for her. You're so fucking loud."

"PSST! Helaena!"

Helaena looked up, confused, but Aegon beckoned for her as if it were not normal to want to speak to his wife. Helaena politely excused herself before she headed over, Maelor still on her hip.

"What?"

"I need you to do some recon for us," Aegon said.

"Recon? On what?"

"Aemond and Luke both went to the bathroom a moment ago," Jace explained. "Can you wander down there and see what they're up to?"

Helaena groaned. "You two are idiots," she said, and turned to leave. Aegon grabbed her arm and kept her in place. Maelor tried to hit him and missed.

"I'm serious! Maybe barge in, say you need to change Maelor or something."

"I'm not going to interrupt two people who need peace from exactly what you're plotting," Helaena said. "Leave them be and let them come to you when they think the time is right. If you suspect something and they haven't told you, there's a reason for it."

"Fine, I'm taking Maelor and saying I need to change him."

"No one is going to believe that," said Helaena, but Aegon took Maelor from her all the same and nodded to Jace. Helaena tutted but otherwise did not stop them as they entered the hallway, walking with careful, quiet steps. Maelor instantly betrayed them, however, by dropping his sippy cup onto the hardwood floor with a loud clatter.

"Maelor, my child, you have much to learn when it comes to stealth," Aegon muttered. Jace picked up the cup and handed it back to Maelor, who proceeded to throw it as hard as he could down the hall, causing it to skip and clatter even louder. Aegon groaned in frustration, but at that moment Luke poked his head out of the bathroom, clearly confused by the sound. He spotted Jace and Aegon immediately.

"Hi," Aegon called, his hand up in greeting. "Just gonna change the kid."

"Are you serious?" Luke asked, and he exited the bathroom. The door remained open and a moment later Aemond appeared, his eyepatch off-center and his shirt partially untucked. Worse than his disheveled appearance was the smile on his face. Jace was literally taken aback; he racked his brain for a time when he saw Aemond Targaryen actually smile.

"HA!" Aegon yelled.

Jace facepalmed and Luke passed them both, sending his best glare as he returned to their family. Aemond shut himself in the bathroom, and the sound of the lock was a clear indicator of how much he was willing to talk about this.

[ciarashoggoth]

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

"We need to do something!" I gazed out the window. There amongst the pines, a rabbit struggles against the grasp of a fox's maw, legs kicking feverishly. There was a fire there, burning in the fox's eyes. One that I didn't understand. Axton watches, his full attention on the blood that has started to bloom from that ashy tan fur. "Then go on, Ciara. Go out there and try." He's 10, and I'm 11. We've lived in this house, unallowed to invite guests over for most of our childhood. We've always lived in this house. "But…The fox won't have anything to eat though…" The rabbit's glossy black eyes are wide with terror, bulging from the skull. "I want to help the fox too. I want both the fox and the rabbit to be okay." My voice feels far away from my own lips. "You can't have it both ways, that's not fair! That's not how it works." Axton crosses his arms. 

As I step into the entrance doors of Mallmart I think about that conversation, because this is the story of a Mallmart Associate.

"Taylor Peyton. Is she, or is she not being fired?" The room was dark as usual, a small box fan blowing in the corner. Management wanted to fire Taylor for looking into the store's anomalies? Well then I was going to sink this ship with everyone in it. "We don't like to think of it as firing per se. Think of it as us helping her along to the next phase of her life. A next phase that doesn't have Mallmart in it." 

"Oh…Well, that's pretty funny actually. I think we can all have a laugh about this together. You know, you and I, and OSHA. Actually I have some stuff to add on too! Like the time you turned off the water to the break room on a heat wave. Or the time Ashante almost got crushed between shelves in the backrooms-"

"Are you threatening us, Ms.Shoggoth?" We stared at each other from across the desk in a sort of screwed up standoff. "Oh good, so we're on the same page." I nodded. 

…

"AVOID…DENY…DEFEND!" The re education video chimed as I sat there, watching the violent behavior courses. I don't know what I had expected really. Did I really think standing up to Management would be so simple? Gritting my teeth, I waited for the video to hit that 10 minute mark so I could click confirmation that I watched. Taylor was worth getting in trouble though, because she really was a marvelous employee. The fact that she was able to fit into all the required boxes and meet core values while still being so, so likeable was almost unheard of in retail and yet there she goes, looking into the incomprehensible horrors that lived in Mallmart on top of everything. Of course I was willing to fall on my sword for her. The classes were short this time, because there was a scheme lurking in the background I was not privy to. "I need you to scan all of the home goods now that you're done with the sporting good," I am told, and I nodd, eager to show my worth after the little spat I had gotten into that morning. So, that's what I did. I scanned the shelves, looking for items that would light up in the app, and then, another supervisor walked down into my terf of the backrooms. "Ciara! What are you doing in home goods? You're supposed to be in domestics! That's going to be a point deduction!" I grit my teeth, walking towards the domestics department of the backrooms. "Glaring like that, it feels very threatening, Ciara, are we going to have to write you up?"

"No ma'am-" and just like that, she'd turned the corner just for the original supervisor to walk in. "What are you doing? Did you finish home goods?"

"I thought I was told to go to domestics, I-"

"Why would you be in domestics? That's a point deduction there."

"But that's not fair!" I hiss under my breath, so quiet no one but I could hear. Because I knew what this was, they were setting up the grounds to get me out. They've done it before, and they'll do it again. Should I be surprised? No, this is just us playing a game here, a game that is absolutely rigged. I did the best I could though. Some of you may ask, why bother? Why not quit? 

Just why is Mallmart so important to work at anyways? In truth, I don't fully understand either. Maybe it's because I need the money. For my family, for myself. Maybe I'm that desperate to stay close to someone who intrigues me as much as Taylor Peyton- because she is fascinating, truly….maybe there's a fucked up part of me that likes playing martyr, that feels comfortable being submissive to a dead end job? I looked at the boxes stacked on my cart, all of them saying "team lift". Yeah, that was it, wasn't it? Everyone said I was gullible, suggestible, simple as a kid. I never believed them until now though. I guess that's just the humor in this all. 

 "Okay, now I'm depressed" I remember writing to the discord server that day. It's funny though, I can't remember when the writing happened. It must've been on my lunch break. It had to be, there's no time to chat during work otherwise. Not really. "What's wrong?" The apparition of a man writes, his message flashing onto the screen. Several of them are online, my closest companions.  I'm uncertain if I have permission to speak their names or even say too much about them- at least anything that might give away their identities. It's imperative for you to know going forward though, just how awe inspiring these individuals are, going forward. Because they are just that. "Just Mallmart, changing parts of me and how I see myself lol idk" 

"Is this your first retail job?"

'Oh gosh… you don't know the half of it.' Is what I think, letting out a groan of frustration. It was my first real job ever. It was the first job I'd had that wasn't connected to the name of a family member, the first time that I was truly independent… and here I was, sinking like the titanic. Sure, I knew how to work. I'd done construction, furniture, cleaning, transcription… but never under normal circumstances. Never outside the little community I was raised in. And somehow sharing that fact with a bunch of strangers on the internet seems far less daunting than admitting that to the man who seems lifetimes ahead of me in worldly experiences. I don't want to admit that I've barely begun to crawl. 

"Yes. I didn't know it was going to be like this!" 

"Yeah, retail sucks" Another friend barks back in agreement. The same friend who was probably one of the most ambitious and hard working people I'd ever met. I wondered for a second- maybe Mallmart, maybe this is just the retail experience? Maybe all stores have  skeletons in their closets all the same, and it's through the hard work and diligence of Mallmart's workers that it becomes liveable again, even inviting. 

I tried to keep that optimistic attitude, I really did, but by the end of the day, I was called back into management for a second time. And you know what? You know what they offered? They offered to wave away all the points I'd taken that day, so long as I forgot about calling OSHA. They sat me down real comfortable, and laid that bombshell one, that they were willing to come right out and say it rather than acting like they were in the right, or that there was even a reason. "You know, it would be just as easy to keep Taylor, instead of going to all this trouble. Final offer, Taylor Peyton stays and we stop documenting Mallmart." And like that, we struck a deal, shook hands. Of course I thought I won- at first. I texted into my phone to the discord server, explaining what had happened. "OSHA does allow anonymous reporting. Do not tell your employer that you're reporting them, no matter what. It won't get issues fixed, it will only get you outta there." The reply back read.

Well….

Shit.

When I heard Taylor was being fired, all I could hear was the tea kettles whistling and instead of keeping my mouth shut, like I should've, I'd gone and shot myself in the foot. The weight of the fact I gave away the only leverage I had hit me like a ton of bricks. 

"This whole day was humiliating. The only thing keeping me from getting on my hands and knees and groveling for my job was that I was pissed about the whole Taylor thing."

"Well I commend you for that. Anger can be useful. Kind of like a defensive weapon- Allows you to stand up for yourself or others"

And while my brain was buzzing I didn't see the truth in his words, to hung up on everything I'd done so terribly wrong. I do now though. Sometimes when things feel insurmountable, the only thing we have is to hold onto our fire. You may find yourself overwhelmed by your job, you may find yourself losing your sense of identity, your individuality- but never let them snuff out your fire.

[shirogane-oushirou]

ofc i set up my tagging system in a very straightforward way, but now i'm sitting here like... yeah okay but what about the ~*~aesthetic~*~????

do i dare start tagging people as emoji pairs? would that make reblogging not-selfship posts on here less weird bc i'm not actually naming people off like a grocery list??

i'm going through the "i'm new here" struggle kjdnfkjn

(gushing under the cut)

.........

also love how making this blog has turned my attention wrt ren from:

"i should flesh out the parts of the end of his story where he's committing industrial sabotage / war crimes -- i can't decide what the scale of the damage should be exactly"

to:

"ehehe wanna imagine how we had a weird relationship, going from doc-patient > him transferring me to a colleague bc we got along too well for it to be professional > best buds who like to stay at his place or my hotel room and borrow each other's sweats and tees and cuddle while torrenting movies, and he doesn't want to rush to the next phase bc i'm very cautious about relationships and ours is already VERY WEIRD, but he's pining SO hard, and on a friend outing to a nice restaurant he doesn't realize how much he's drinking (he's a lightweight) bc we're both infodumping about the terrible umineko moms, and he starts getting all cuddly and cute and his face is all red from the alcohol and he wants a kiss SO SO BADLY but he knows he shouldn't even TRY yet, and and and--"

[nowcrashing]

How do I feel?

Sad. I really like you, and it's hard to sit with that feeling knowing that this relationship can never go anywhere. This is also legitimately the best sex I've ever had

In the midst of thinking about this, I'm aware that there is a bit of romanticization I'm engaging in - because this relationship can never go anywhere, I can safely ignore things about you that I don't like as much (like how you talk about the people on TV or how vocal you are about your preference for long hair), assume that any big-picture compatibility questions would have resolved favorably (interracial relationship, inter-religious relationship, etc.), and think of you as someone who would have had long-term potential if you weren't moving back to India. In reality, I don't know if we would have been a long-term match. That's what dating is for, and while it's kind of nice not to have to really analyze or think deeply about what I'm discovering about you and us as we date right now, it also means that I might be sadder than I need to be right now. I'm pre-emptively mourning a serious, committed relationship without truly knowing whether that ever would have come to pass.

Somewhat insecure. We started off so strong where somehow every day I could count on you to message me. I loved the things you were saying to me. We met up and it was electric, and I think I've seen you every day since. Really I don't have much to complain about in this area. But I still feel this craving for you to invite me over, for you to ask me for pics, and for you to message me a little more when we're not together. I do find myself pining for that a bit.

A corollary thought to this: A part of me is worried that I still feel insecure in this relationship because I know that the level of contact we had while I was in quarantine is not sustainable... and if that's the only thing that makes me feel secure, what am I going to do? But another part of me thinks that maybe that kind of thing won't be so important to me if I find myself in a relationship with deeper intimacy and more lasting security. Like if he loves me and I know he loves me. If he's demonstrated interest in me over the course of months or years. I really hope that this helps take the pressure off me. I hope that I can find some way to escape the trap of always needing more attention.

Another thought: I do feel like our relationship has turned more toward the sexual. I understand why, and a large part of me is happy with this because I absolutely can't keep my hands off you when I'm with you. But I think what I miss about the quarantine talking phase was the romance part, and the way you were always complimenting me on my personality or things I was thinking or doing. The fact that that has ebbed fuels my feelings of insecurity because if all you really want is sex with me, then there's no reason to assume that you even actively want me over. You'll say yes if I ask to come over, but if I don't ask, I don't know if I can expect for you to invite me over instead.

Empty. It's hard to engage in this knowing that it has an expiration date. It's hard to enjoy things with you when I know we're not building anything together. You are so good with all the little things: buying me flowers, setting the thermostat for me, bringing gifts to Molly and Robin, watching Love is Blind with me. But I'm never going to meet your family or your friends. I'm never going to be integrated into your life. We're never going to solve problems together. I'm happy when I'm with you and I have so much fun with you, but a part of me is suffering because all I want is to be looking for and nurturing a connection with someone who might stay with me. It's complicated because if I wasn't spending time with you, that doesn't mean I'd be able to spend that time looking for my real person - I'm moving too soon, it's too late to find that person here. So I'm either spending time with you, or having even more casual meetings with strangers, or it's nothing. You're the clear winner in that equation. But I can't ignore the fact that spending time with you casts a spotlight on that missing part of me where my partner should be and forces my mind to contemplate how it feels not to be able to do anything to find that person.

Afraid. Afraid that I won't find an emotional connection like this again, even though for my real partner, I want something even a little deeper than what we have, something with a greater trajectory. I'm also afraid that I'll never find a sexual connection this good.

Here are some things about our sex that I'll miss:

The way you look at me when I'm on top of you, almost like you're awestruck.

The way you grab me and pull me back onto you when I start pulling off you, or the way you beg me to put you back inside me when you accidentally slip out.

How talkative you are during sex. How you're always telling me how beautiful and sexy I am and how good everything feels.

You begging for just five minutes of intercourse in the morning even when your dick actually hurts from the night before.

The weight and shape of your body on mine.

Your eagerness to get me off. The way you focus on me and care about my comfort and my pleasure.

EDITED TO ADD: You pouring my drink into my mouth WHILE fucking me. Holy shit.