#Which is truthfully done better in person also

[the-cooler-king]

Ok but when will we thoroughly discuss your underlying terror of gay people

[ravenromanova]

Mine

Pairings: Bucky x Female avenger

Warnings: Mentions of self deprecating, Sharon carter (she’s always a warning) Smut 18+ (breeding kink, metal arm kink, daddy kink, fingering, oral, p in v)

Summary: Bucky cant stand the thought of his girl flirting with someone else other than him.

Word count: 3.3k+

Main masterlist - Send me requests!!!

If looks could kill let’s just say John walker would’ve been dead the second Bucky saw you with him. Was it Bucky’s place to be jealous? No especially after he broke off your little fling a few weeks ago. But that doesn’t stop him from getting jealous at the sight of his girl with that insect.

You had been flirting and talking with walker for the past hour much to your displeasure. In all reality the only reason you had even came up with this plan in the first place, was to piss off a certain super soldier. He deserved it after he had broken your heart and left you a broken mess of a person. So even though you despised walker you flirted as if you loved the man.

*Flash back to two weeks ago*

You had just come back from a three week long mission and you were exhausted. But you were also really excited to see Bucky again. You and him and started kinda seeing each other a few months ago. At first it wasn’t much other than just sex but it quickly became more than that… at least for you.

When you had gotten back to the compound you immediately went to take a shower before going to see him. You had done all your normal things before you slipped into Bucky’s favorite black lingerie set of yours on. Once you were satisfied with how you look you sauntered over to Bucky’s room on the same floor.

You softly knocked on the door and heard a soft ‘come in’. When you opened the door you saw him sprawled out on his bed in nothing but sweatpants.

“Hello solider” Your voice was seductive as you crawled on his bad and straddled him. Bucky didn’t say anything as you sit on his lap he didn’t even touch you like normal. A frown formed on your face at his lack of affection. What came next surprised you as well as broke your heart. Bucky put his hands on your waist and moved you off of him.

“Not in the mood Y/n” He said harshly as he sat on the edge of his bed with his back to you. Your heart tightened at his words and you felt like your world just came crashing down.

“Did something happen? Are you okay my love” The words came out a little more shaky then you would’ve liked as you spoke. You sat next to time and tried to hold his metal hand and he ripped it away from you. Tears formed in your eyes as he stood up and got off the bed leaving you there alone.

“Did i do something?” Your voice cracked and he turned to look at you. His demeanor was stiff and his eyes are dark. He scoffed as he looked at you and ran his hand through his long hair.

“You’re just too much” Bucky blurted out and that’s when the dam broke and the tears fell.

“What?” You choked out as you covered your mouth to muffle the sobs.

“You’re too much for me and i cant do this anymore” The bluntness of his words cut you deep. In that moment you didn’t know what to say or do so you just left his room in tears. You ran to your room and locked the door. You didn’t know what to think or feel all you knew is that you were broken.

What you didn’t see though was how Bucky broke down when you left the room. Truthfully you weren’t too much and he knew that. The reason he broke it off was because no other than Sharon got in his head. She had come up to him after you left for your mission asking him what you two were. He responded with ‘we are just hanging out for now. But when she gets back im making it official.’ To which Sharon scoffed.

She proceeded to tell him that if he thinks a sweet and innocent girl like you, would love a man like him that he was insane. Sharon went on for fifteen grueling minutes about how much of a monster he was and you deserved better. And he believed it and so that night he swore to himself that he’d step away from you. No matter how much it hurt he couldn’t break you and taint you.

And that was the last time you had spoke for two weeks

*End flashback*

That day haunts Bucky like a ghost haunting its old home. He knew he had hurt you by what he did. But in his mind he did the best thing he could for you he set you free. It’s not that he thought he was a bad person now he knew he wasnt, it was his past. Bucky thought that if you truly knew all the evil things he had done like Sharon said then you wouldn’t love him anymore.

His time in Hydra was awful and the things they made him do were worse. How could anyone move past that? How could anyone love the broken man he’d become? How could you love him?

Bucky’s self deprecating thoughts were cut off as he saw walker get a little too close. He had placed his hand on your waist and brought you in closer to him. That simple and small movement was enough for the solider to see red. He knew he shouldn’t, he knew he had no place but he wasnt thinking clearly as he approached you and walker.

He was silent as he approached but you noticed him out of the corner of your eye. You can see the metaphorical daggers he is shooting to the man in front of you. You dont pay Bucky any mind as you continue your conversation smirking ‘cause you know what lies ahead.

He comes up behind you and wrap his metal arm around your waist. A smirk is quick to form on your lips as your turn around to face the solider.

“Can i help you James?” You ask playing dumb looking at with dumbly. His hands find your hips and he squeezes them and brings you closer.

“Мой” (mine) He husks out in russian and you smirk up at him. You both are quickly reminded that John is still present when you hear him clear his throat.

Bucky looks up at walker and shoots him a look that tells him to get lost. John doesn’t say anything as he just grabs his drink, nods and walks away.

“Это был довольно грубый солидер. Я был в середине разговора” (That was quite rude solider, I was in the middle of a conversation) The words are taunting as they come out and you earn a grunt in response. He doesn’t say anything as he takes your hand and leads you away from the party.

His grip on your wrist is firm but not hard since he doesn’t wanna hurt his girl..yet. Bucky leads you up the stairs and down the hallway to his room. You don’t have time to ask what he’s doing as you’re suddenly pressed against his door.

“Bucky wait-“ You breathe out as his hips find their way to your neck. He doesn’t stop as you weakly plead.

“Bucky stop-“ And that’s what gets him to stop what he’s doing and back away a little too worried of hurting you or scaring you.

“What? What happened?” He asks almost as if you two hooking up is still normal. You look and him and roll your eyes before even attempting to speak.

“What do you mean what?” You scoff at him as you sit on the edge of his bed looking up at him. “You tell me i’m too much and that you dont want me but then go and do some shit like this” Tears form in your eyes out of frustration and Bucky looks like he’s just been stabbed.

“Doll- i know i fucked up” He sighs and he gets on his knees in front of you. “I pushed you away and made you think i didn’t want you because i was scared” His hands land on your soft thighs and then he softly kisses your inner thigh. “I was scared that you wouldn’t be able to love me for my past, That the things i’ve done would turn you away from me” His words come out a little broken as his blue eyes meet your gaze.

“It also didn’t help that i had someone telling me i wasnt good enough for you” Rage filled your veins at his confession.

“Who” You cut him off before he got the rest of his words out. His grip tightens on your thigh as he lets out a deep breath.

“Sharon, She had asked me what we were when you had left for the three week long mission. Short story short when i told her i planned on making us official when you got back she told me that you deserved better. That you might think im a good person now until you heard about the things i was forced to do. She also made a comment about the arm” His eyes move to his metal arm as he makes a fist with it.

Anger, Sadness and Love fill your body as he finishes speaking. Anger because Sharon really thought that this beautiful man was a monster. Sadness because he believed her words and thought he was a monster. And love because this was the first time he has ever been vulnerable and open like this with you.

You reach your hands out and cup his cheeks and bring him up to your face. “I dont think you’re a monster. Then or now. I think you’re the most beautiful soul in the world Bucky. I wish you would’ve told me about this because i would’ve put all those fears to bed. I know some of the things you did in Hydra. But i also know that you didn’t have a choice, that you didn’t want to do those things” Nothing but love and honesty laces your voice as you speak.

Bucky looks at you like he just might melt at your words. He finds the courage to slowly close the gap between you two with a passionate kiss. All the love you two have for on another is poured into this one kiss.

After a few minutes you break the kiss and come up for air as you both pant. “And as for the arm” You say grabbing the dark grey and gold arm and smile at it. “Is the sexiest thing i think i’ve ever seen” His metal arm whirs as he makes a fist and grunts at your words.

“Dont say things like that Malysh” He husks against your lips. You get a surge of confidence and grab his metal hand and place it on your inner thigh.

“Why not?” The faux innocence drips off your tongue as you look at with with doe eyes. You can feel the grip of his metal hand tighten on your thigh as you groans. What you don’t know is he is fighting an internal battle right now. A part of him wants to absolutely devour you and the other part doesn’t want to hurt you and wants to cherish you.

“Because i wont be able to control myself if you continue” He says honestly as all traces of self control slowly fade away as you grip his hand.

“What if i dont want you to? What if i want you to ruin me solider?” And that’s all the needs before his head is dipping under your dress and slipping off your panties.

He lifts your dress to your hips before he dips his tongue into your wet folds. His hands spread your pussy and focuses on sucking your clit which had you screaming.

“oh fuck-“ You moan as Bucky picks up his pace and sucks at a faster pace. He looses himself in the way that you taste. Bucky eats your pussy as if he’s never eaten before, They way he devours you can only be described as feral.

“fuck i’ve missed your pussy malysh” He moans into your clit as he slowly adds two fingers into you.

“i’ve missed you daddy” You mewl as his fingers hit that spongey in you when he curls his fingers up. Bucky smirks at you as you moan and picks up his pace as he fucks his fingers into you.

“you’re mine” He grunts and brings his face up to yours. “You hear me malysh? You’re fucking mine. No one else’s. This pussy is mine and so are you” As he finishes his sentence that’s when you claw at his back and scream as you hit your climax.

“Fuck yes im yours!” You say as you try to catch your breath. He smiles he leans in and kisses you with more passion that earlier. You moan as you taste yourself on his tongue. The kiss goes on for what feels like forever until Bucky breaks it and looks at you.

His hands rub up and down your sides and he grows frustrated that you’re still in your dress. So Bucky being Bucky rips your dress off of you and leaves you naked at the edge of his bed.

“Much better” He smirks and then rids himself of his own clothes. Your eyes widen and your mouth waters at the sight of his hard cock standing at attention. He motions for you to lay against the headboard and you do as your told and wait for his next instruction.

“Now im gonna remind you who you belong to malysh.” He husks as he crawls over to you and hovers over you. You eagerly nod your head and slowly take his cock in your hand. His head flys back at the contact and he lets out a guttural moan.

You pump his cock a few times before he stops you and pushes himself in you without warning. “OH FUCK!” The moan comes out broken as it passes your lips. He bottoms out quickly but he doesn’t move as he waits for you to adjust to his size.

“move” You whisper as you pull his face towards you and place your lips on his. Bucky wraps his arms around your neck and thrusts into you at a medium pace. The both of you moan in satisfaction when he moves against your g-spot.

“You feel so good baby, i almost forgot what is like being in this pretty little pussy” His words are filthy as they come out and you can help but be even more turned on.

He continues to thrust into you and kiss your g-spot with the tip of his cock every thrust. Bucky dips his head down and grabs a nipple and starts sucking as he thrusts get harder.

“Yes-yes oh fuck” The moan that comes out of your mouth is straight out of a porno. He doesn’t say anything as he takes his metal hand as wraps it around your throat and lightly squeezes. Your mind goes blank and fuzzy as the pleasure builds in your stomach.

“Fucking shit babydoll i can feel you squeezing my cock. Keep doing that and im gonna fill you up and fuck a baby in you.” His words unlock something in you as he speaks. Were you aware of your breeding kink before? no. But you sure as hell love the idea of carrying his kids.

“Do it. Fuck a baby into me daddy” You egg him on as you feel yourself about to cum again.

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you baby? You’d love to carry your soldiers seed wouldn’t you? You’d love to be my breeding whore wouldn’t you?” His questions are clearly rhetorical but you nod your head in response not being able to form words right now.

“Fuck baby im gonna cum” He moans as his pace starts to get sloppier and you get closer and closer to your high.

“FUCK!” You scream as you cum all over his cock. That’s when he grabs your hips and fucks you relentlessly as he reaches his high.

“Oh fuck malysh gonna fucking fill you up.” He moans as he finishes inside of you. But he doesn’t stop fucking you as he fucks his cum into you since he really does want to get you pregnant.

“Too sensitive” You protest as he grinds his hips into you. He stops his movements and nods his head then slowly pulls out of you and you whimper at the loss.

“You did so good baby. just sit here for a minute okay?” And then Bucky leaves you on the bed real quick while he grabs a cold cloth to clean you off with. When he comes back he sees you sprawled out on his bed and smiles softly.

“Come here baby” He say as he gets in between your thighs and uses the wet cloth to clean you up. You squirm as the cold hits your core but you soon relax and enjoy the feeling of him cleaning you.

Once he’s done he throws the rag on the floor and moves to put you both under the covers. He pulls you to him so you are laying in his chest. You absentmindedly grab his metal hand and start playing with it and watching the light of the moon bounce off it.

“It really is beautiful” The words are barley audible as you say them but he heard them and smiled. He feels all his worries and fears melt away as he looks at you.

“Y/n?” He asks softly as his blue eyes look at you with anxiety.

“Yes my love?” Bucky’s cheeks go bright red at the pet name and he tries to compose himself before responding.

“I know i fucked up and i know that i dont deserve it but will you give me another chance and officially be my girl?” His nerves are starting to get the best of him as you just look at him for a moment.

“Of course i will solider” In that moment Bucky feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders as you respond. He leans your head up and kisses you in a soft and loving manner. When he breaks the kiss he just looks down at you with love and admiration.

“I love you doll” Your eyes widen at his confession not because it was too soon or anything but because he’s never said that to you before. Your heart melts at his words and your eyes fill with tears.

“I love you too solider” You whisper the words against is lips before you kiss him again.

And the rest of that night was filled with showing one another just how much love the other had. Bucky smiled down at you after you had fallen asleep and just admired you for a while before he fell asleep as well. He felt at peace with you in his arms again and he vowed to himself that he’d never hurt or let you go again.

~ Little bonus scene~

The next morning when you had woken up you were on a mission. And luckily for you your target was very easy to find. You walked into the kitchen in one of Bucky’s henley’s and walk up to your target. It took both you and her by surprise when you had pushed her up against a wall and held her by her neck.

“You ever disrespect him again and i will not hesitate to kill you and hide the body somewhere they will never find it” You spat as Sharon just stared at you with wide eyes. She immediately nodded and once you out her down she was gasping for air.

“crazy bitch” She coughed out as she rubbed her neck to soothe the pain. You smirked at her before walking back to Bucky’s room and slipping back in bed with him as if nothing ever happened.

~the end~

I do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other cites

[barcaatthemoon]

tiny prancer || alanna kennedy x reader ||

you talk to alanna about your feelings after watching her play with harper.

"higher! higher!" your eyes drifted away from the interviewer once again as you heard harper's shrill shrieks of delight. she had been devastated whenever she saw you on the pitch, but had been immediately told that you were busy by gorry. luckily, alanna had swooped right in and picked the girl up before her pout could dissolve into a fit of tears. and now, you were swooning while trying to complete your media stuff for the day.

"sorry, sorry. this has been a hard comeback, but i'm grateful for my manchester family. i'd hate to give united their props, but those girls have also been so supportive. for our rivalry to be put aside, it means a lot. i'm very thankful for so many of my fellow players in the league from teams all over the country," you said. it was a good answer, one that people could tell came from the heart.

you had been away for nearly a year after a huge injury and bigger setback. it had truly been a freak accident, your knee giving out on you and the subsequent fall breaking your leg as you fell. there hadn't been any dirty tackles, and aside from alanna, the first person who had been at your side had been a manchester united player. some of those girls had really become some of your best friends when you needed a break from your teammates.

"well, everybody is excited to see you come back on the pitch this weekend. it has been overdue, and if the practice footage from this week is anything to go by, you're definitely in top form." you thanked the interviewer for their kind words before both of you were dismissed. almost immediately, you turned and jogged over to where alanna and harper were playing.

"do you have room for one more?" you asked. as into playing with alanna harper had been, she was quick to go to you. it had been hard for you not being able to play, but still going to practices over the course of the year, and harper was a big part of that. gorry had joked that you and alanna were like her other mothers, something that had always caused alanna to tense up a bit. although, you had noticed that she had seemed more okay with the joke, occasionally having a longing look on her face for the next week or so.

"of course we do, don't we harper? we always have room for prancer, don't we?" you rolled your eyes at the nickname alanna had not-so lovingly given you back at youth camp in australia. truthfully, the two of you had legitimately hated each other a little bit back then, but both of you had done a lot of growing up since then.

"we love prancer," harper said. you knew that she had probably been working on that for a while. harper had never called you that without alanna being directly beside her. alanna nudged her side, and harper stood up to give you a hug. "do you get to play at the game?"

"i do for a little bit, so i can't sit with you on the bench at first, but they don't want to hurt me again, so i'll probably be there for the second half," you told her. harper pouted a little, but she understood. there had been several long talks about you going back on the pitch where you belonged.

harper wordlessly handed you a doll to play with, explaining much better than alanna tried to what was happening. that game didn't last very long due to alanna's antsiness. the three of you played a game of tag, which ended with alanna and harper ganging up on you. alanna picked you up in her arms, gently placing you on the ground where she peppered your face and neck in kisses while harper tickled at your sides until gorry came to get her.

"i was nervous when we got here," you admitted. alanna knew it already, but you had been stubborn in insisting that you were fine. "everybody always says they can't wait for someone else to make their return, but i know what they weren't saying."

"don't think about it like that, okay? think about other things like how harper and i kicked your ass at tag," alanna joked. you punched her in the shoulder, earning you a bite to the thigh. "be nice. if harper sees you being mean to me, she'll think it's okay. i swear that kid loves you more than anybody else sometimes."

"we've become bench buddies, that's all. i bet when we have a kid, they'll love you the most. you'll get to be the fun parents, and i'll have to be strict," you sighed. alanna shot up and stared down at you, a confused, yet hopeful look on her face. "what?"

"what did you say?" alanna asked. you shrugged as you moved up onto your elbows. "you said 'when' not 'if' we have a kid. d-do you want to have kids with me?"

"kids? someone is getting ahead of themselves, but yeah, of course i do. i've been thinking about it, and seeing you with harper confirms it. before you came along and fucked everything up for my little 14 year old self, i was going to accept a promise ring from a boy. who knows how many kids i'd have now?" you said.

"i like the idea of a bunch of little prancers running around, but only if they've got the last name kennedy," alanna said. she leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. you kissed her back, smiling into it a little. "how long have you wanted little kennedy babies?"

"alanna, don't," you tried, but it was too late. she was on something trying to get this out of you. truthfully, it had been before you were even injured, but you knew that you had been lucky then if alanna wanted to admit you were exclusively together at that point. she had fancied herself a player, something that only got worse whenever leila arrived at the club and they became friens.

"come on, i deserve to know. maybe if i've kept you waiting, i'll be sweet," alanna offered. you knew that she would be extremely sweet, but you'd have to get through the annoying phase first.

"fine, the first camp that i said we were together and harper was there. all the girls kept making fun of me because trying to tie you down was still a 'lost cause' or something," you said. alanna did the math in her head. you could tell whenever she had gotten there because a smile broke out on her face. "please don't be an ass about this, okay?"

"you thought i'd be a good parent back then?" alanna asked. you shrugged, unsure of what you had really thought. you just knew that you trusted alanna and wanted to do something special with her. "wow, maybe you really did love me back then too."

"of course i did. alanna, i've never been someone who could sleep with anybody i didn't love." you looked away from her, slightly ashamed of yourself. the girls had teased you a lot about your body count, which was the girl you made yourself fall for to forget about alanna hating you, and alanna herself. they had sort of thought you were joking, especially alanna, until you blew up at them for making fun of you.

"well then, i feel honored to be your person. and as much as i'd love to go to the doctor now and try to get you pregnant, your parents, gorry, and macca would kill me if i did," alanna pointed out. "so, what do we do?"

"let me play this season, and if things don't physically feel right in that way, we can look to starting a family sooner. we don't have to do this any other way than the one we want, remember that." you cradled alanna's face and pressed a kiss to her nose. despite the fact that you wanted a baby then and there, you were fine with waiting until alanna felt more comfortable.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Could you make a proposal with Dehya, Yae Miko, Candence, Navia and Lisa entering the room with your S/O changing clothes? Like, like they wear clothes that don't show off their body and make it look weak, only for them to have a very muscular body.

(Genshin Impact) Dehya, Yae, Candace, Navia, and Lisa walking into their S/O changing clothes

I'm not muscular at all, but my arms are weirdly strong looking thanks to moving a lot of boxes. My clothes make me look like an absolute stick, though.

Dehya opened the door and saw S/O in the middle of removing their shirt.

(Dehya) "Oops. Sorry, didn't know you were in here."

If they were shy or startled, she would not hesitate to give them space and close the door behind her.

But if they didn't mind, she would at least take a moment to see what they looked like.

Their shirt did a good job concealing of how toned their body actually was. Truthfully, she thought they would have almost nothing on them.

(Dehya) "Jeez, how were you able to hide that from me the entire time?"

She certainly appreciates how strong S/O seemed. It wasn't a bad view either.

Yae opens the door pretty much without warning, and simply smiling as she saw S/O changing clothes.

She leans against the door and watches. Yae doesn't budge, regardless if they were shy or not.

(Yae) "My, there's quite nothing left to the imagination now. I will also say, you're better built than I had presumed you'd be."

Her smirk seems to grow at that comment, her eyes taking in the muscles they were hiding.

Now that she knew they were strong, she'd probably have S/O carry a lot of things for her.

There was no excuse, S/O was strong and that meant they could take the labor!

...Among other things.

Candace knew S/O was strong, you had to be if you wanted to survive long in the desert.

What she didn't expect underneath their shirt was for them to be nearly as strong as her.

Candace had accidentally walked into their room too fast as they were changing.

After admiring the view for a few seconds, she has a faint blush to her cheeks as she respectfully turns away.

Regardless of their personality, she doesn't wish to snoop on them, and closes the door just as quickly.

(Candace) "Apologies, I'll come back in when you're finished."

She definitely wants to know where they got their muscles from, since the clothes they wore really only displayed their arms and nothing else.

Navia almost yelps the moment she opens the door to the bathroom and saw that they were changing.

S/O was only changing their shirt, which was both a relief and slightly disappointing to Navia.

But then she realized that, dang, S/O was ripped.

The clothes they normally wore did indicate they were at all!

(Navia) "W-Wow...You look great! AHEM! L-Let me know when you're done!"

If her S/O was on the shyer side, she'd quickly blurt out an apology, while still staring at them for a few more seconds.

She shuts the door and hides her face with her hat.

It wasn't a sight that was going to leave her mind anytime soon.

Not that it was entirely a problem.

Lisa hums in approval of the sight of S/O changing clothes.

(Lisa) "Looking good as always, darling.~"

She is particularly amused if her S/O would get flustered by her coming in, but she has no strong reaction.

Other than eyeing them up and down with a smile.

Lisa wished that S/O had told her sooner that they were so strong. It would have made moving some books in the library far easier.

But hey, now she knew for future reference!

Plus, it'd be an excuse to watch them in action. But she could probably think of better ways to see them without their shirt on than just work.

[violetarks]

spit on my grave, but kiss my mouth!

anime: chainsaw man

characters: hayakawa aki, kishibe, yoshida hirofumi, himeno

summary: they hate you, they can feel it in their bones, but at the first opportunity to kiss you? who wouldn't take that chance?

warnings: g/n! reader, they/them pronouns used, second person pov, some name-calling, somebody tries to lush to get y/n's number in yoshida's, kishibe is in his late 20s bc holy smokes he would outshine the whole cast if he is was younger in the anime no lie, kishibe is also a little flirty in this bc that's how he was when he was younger, smoking, drinking (y/n gets a little tipsy), reference to nsfw themes but its legit just the lines "you need an s/o bc you're so tense all the time" and "we didn't... did we?", y/n and kishibe go home together, also a bit suggestive in himeno's part

↣ hayakawa aki

if there was anything he hated more than anything, aki absolutely despised slackers. anyone who postponed their work til the last minute, and for the result to be the most sloppy piece of shit he has ever seen. which is why he didn't understand why makima would ever think of hiring someone like you as a devil hunter.

you stood there, your uniform messily put on — for god's sake, your tie was undone, just hanging around your neck! even power and denji dressed better than you. how could these devils do better than a devil hunter?

you sat atop makima's desk, getting the crumbs of your sandwich all over her furniture. aki visibly cringed. how could you be so careless?

it wasn't like you were unattractive, it's just the way you acted at work that made aki dislike you. and in front of your superior. truthfully, the only reason makima hired you was because of your amazing skill as a hunter without the use of contracts. if you weren't so useful...

when he first met you, aki would admit, he was intrigued. you were pretty, and makima had brought you in to interview you. you were splattered in devil's blood, and you looked serious.

yet the moment that you locked eyes with aki, your demeanour changed. you were suddenly so sloppy. he saw the way you held out your bloodied hand to shake his, how you lazily threw your dirty coat on the couch. he knew from then on, that your looks were a waste, perhaps.

"are you finished, y/n?" makima asked, walking into her office in her trench coat. aki was called there for a morning briefing, so imagine his disappointment when he saw you instead. you nodded your head, hopping off the desk and sweeping the mess you made into the nearby bin. "good. now, you two are teaming up for your next mission."

aki wanted to refuse, so badly. he watched as you tugged on your loose collar, shirt not even tucked in, and stood beside him. he listened to makima outline the upcoming mission, and also listened to how often you yawned or shifted in your spot. you seemed so unintetrsted.

aki's never been on a mission with you, but he's seen the mess you leave behind, more than he would've left. and he's seen you guiltlessly nap in the car while everyone else cleaned up your leftovers.

you were careless when you fought, as seen when you dodge under the attack of a devil and trip over debris on the floor. aki slides in with his unpowered sword, slicing the mutated arm away and shielding you from another attack.

"get up, dumbass!" he calls, looking over his shoulder to see you brushing off dust from your lap.

"relax, geez. i'm up, i'm up." you scoff back, picking up your weapon again. aki wanted to slap some sense into you. "i'm so tired, let's get this done."

the fight continued on until it was at what seemed to be the climax. you were both beaten down, the devil on the brink of giving up. but you gripped your weapon tighter, rushing towards the enemy with determination. you were growing tired of this fight, both mentally and physically. you were imagining yourself at home, in front of the tv with some food in your hands. anywhere but here.

"aki?" you call, looking around the scene. you couldn't find him, and it was worrying you. "aki!"

you were met with silence, making you scowl and continue on trying to defeat the devil. maybe by then, you'll be able to find him and bring him back to makima for help. god, you hated dead weight.

with a few attacks landing on the devil, aki finally stands from his position beneath debris. he had been hit into a wall, making the ceiling fall over him. when he had made himself visible. you glance at him, relieved.

"y/n..." he heaves, drawing his sword. he was bleeding from his shoulders and you could count the tears and cuts in his uniform. and he blamed you for being dirty...

before you can speak, the devil immediately charges towards him. you widen your eyes, racing after it. "aki!"

he breathes in heavily, trying to gather his focus. but his vision is just so blurry that he can't think properly. the blood he's lost has already made him hazy, all he can hear is the loud footsteps of the devil. his joints click and falter as he tries to take his normal fighting stance. he's weak and you can see it.

with all your might, you rush towards him. you couldn't let him die, not someone as strong and admirable as him. while you knew he disliked you (aki definitely wasn't the most subtle), you couldn't deny his worth as a hunter, and as a person. you looked up to him.

aki doesn't know what is happening until he sees you jump high in the air and thrust your weapon to pierce through the devil's skin, knocking it off course. as it skids to the side, you tumble to the ground, rolling on the ground and getting dirt and blood all over you. aki blinks, clueless.

"are you alright, aki?" you huff out, tired. he slowly hums in confirmation. you send him a smile, which makes him gulp. "that's a relief."

the devil turns back to him though, not stopping on its tracks to get to aki. by this time, you're in front of your co-worker, holding your weapon to prepare yourself. with a deep breath, you wait for the devil to come closer before dealing the final blow, ending the devil's life.

once the devil falls lifeless, you let out a loud whine, "agh, finally! ah, i'm so beat!" you fall to the floor, knees giving out beneath you. aki watches you stay on the ground, wiping the sweat off from your brow. with a click of his tongue, he falls to the ground as well. you turn to look at him, blinking. "ah, aki. that devil really fucked you up, huh?"

you laugh makes him even more weak. you move closer to him, taking his chin and turning his head to see his bruises. "we should get you back to the office. i'll patch you up before denji and power see you, alright? they'd piss themselves seein' you like this." you joke, patting his shoulder. your carefree attitude was so irritable...but he couldn't deny that your words made him feel lighter.

so when he pushes forward and presses his lips to yours, he knows why his heart pulses harder when he's around you. he likes you. his palm rests on your neck to hold you in place, making you lean your hands on both sides of his waist to balance yourself. aki squeezes his eyes shut, as if to keep himself from seeing your shocked face.

you were speechless, frozen. but once you settled in, you kissed him back. you tasted like blood — maybe that was his own since he cut his lip — but neither of you seemed to mind. his harsh hand against the back of your head suddenly goes soft, trailing down to brush your cheek.

he sighed against your lips, upturned brows. he felt like he needed this. he needed you.

aki was mysterious with his true feelings, but this was the first glimpse into them. you let out a small sigh as you pull away.

"you—..." you mumble out, covering your mouth as you sit up straight. his hand leaves your cheek, now gripping the debris beneath him. he felt so embarrased. "idiot aki. c'mon, let's get outta' here first."

you heave aki over your shoulder, his arm over while yours is wrapped around his middle. he was also speechless, blushing so red that he kept his head down so you couldn't see. his heart was beating faster at your touch. but to kiss you? he was truly crazy, wasn't he?

↣ kishibe

"can you smoke somewhere else?" you scoff, bringing your glass to your lips. the rest of the room was filled with slight chatter, the sound if cups being clinked together.

"you see any spare seats at this bar?" kishibe asks, putting his lighter away into his pocket. the bar allowed smoking, one of the only bars in the neighbourhood that still did. he watched you roll your eyes and finish your drink, asking the bartender for another. "you're so uptight, ya'know?"

"you're the most annoying person i've ever been paired up with." you groan, watching your glass get refilled. you take your glass once more and glare at kishibe. "those things kill you."

"you drink." he says, putting down his own cold alcoholic beverage. you click your tongue at him. "you act like you're so much better than me."

"you smoke and drink, you smug asshole." you grunt, feeling a little woozy from the past hour of non-stop drinking you and kishibe have been partaking in.

this was his idea, saying that you needed to wind down. you enjoyed a few drinks every now and then, but today had been particularly hard on you. makima was really ripping into after a devil got away, making you go after them again with your partner present this time. you felt embarrassed at your loss. as much as you were strong, kishibe hated how weak you were.

there was no denying that you were somewhat talented, so why weren't you getting stronger? kishibe was already tired from his own work, but when he was paired with you, his job got even harder. you were lazy with your work, leaving hints of your weaknesses everywhere you stepped. and you wondered why. kishibe couldn't handle how much if a rule-follower you were when your strength wasn't anything impressive. sometimes he'd with you'd abandon your work and finally leave all this stuff behind. such an attractive person like you shouldn't be burning their brain trying to work as a devil hunter.

"why don't you just drink and shut up?" kishibe huffs, keeping his cigarette between his fingers. he blew the smoke into the air above you, making you cover your nose and scowl at him. you hated smoking, all the reason why you disliked being partnered up with him. he wasn't kishibe without his smokes. "you're do tense all the time, you need a girlfriend or boyfriend or something. maybe you'll relax a lil'."

"and you're telling me to shut up." you groan, waving the smoke away. kishibe rolls his eyes leaning his elbows into the counter. "you know what, kishibe? i've seriously had enough of—of your attitude."

he watches you down glass after glass; it was kicking in, the alcohol. he was wondering how long it would take before you started slurring your words. it was subtle, but kishibe has never seen you like this, not yet at least. it would be a fun way to tease you tomorrow morning when you come in to work. you glare at him, blinking a few times. he waited impatiently for you to collect your words.

"ever since i met you, you've been a pain in my ass, always runnin' your pretty mouth and rolling your pretty eyes at me." you complain, continuing to drown yourself in the sweet drinks you were taking. kishibe sighs to himself, already knowing that you'll be too drunk to pay your own bill. he pulls out his wallet to start counting bills as you go on to 'insult' him. he'd have to be careful now, he was starting to feel the alcohol too. "if you weren't so strong, i'd kick your ass myself!"

"oh yeah?" he says, deciding on when to stop you from ordering. he calls down the bartender for a few more glasses for you and himself. "you're too weak to pull somethin' like that, sweetheart. can't even hold your own against a low rank devil. need someone strong to protect you, huh?"

"what? says who?" you say, voice raising a little. he hated it when you did that, it was so annoying. you were so childish for someone only a year younger than him. "i was doing perfectly fine without you! makima needed me to babysit you..."

"what are you even goin' on about?" he huffs, taking in some smoke, "do you even know what i'm saying? are you that drunk?"

while you were a little tipsy, you definitely weren't drunk. you were just slurring your words a little, but you were conscious. you weren't saying anything you wouldn't say sober. you knew what you were doing, and how you were acting.

"'course not, shithead. i'm not getting drunk in front of you." you tell him, gulping down another drink. he thinks that maybe your tolerance is moderately high. "i'm just sayin', you're never gonna' get married if you're like that. you're lucky i tolerate you, somebody has to."

he raises a brow at that, then taking one last huff of his cigarette before putting it out in the ash tray provided. "so you're saying i'll only get married if my romantic partner tolerates me?"

"duh." you scoff, tilting your head at him. was he getting drunk? it was also your heightened confidence that he found annoying.

"and you're the only one who tolerates me?" kishibe presses.

"yeah." you answer so quickly that you don't even think. once you realise what you've said, you put your glass down. your face was burning now, and you didn't know whether it was because of the drinks or him. he chuckles. "shut up..."

"mhm." he hums out, now leaning close to you. your shoulders nearly press against each other. he sees no sign of you moving away, but you begin to stare at him, unable to figure out which eye to look at. "you wanna' kiss me?"

you let out a small sigh, glancing down at his lips for a second. but you harden your stare in his eyes.

"or are you asking me to kiss you?" he offers. your eyes widen a little at that, and it seems he has his answer already. but you were so cute like this, he just had to tease you. "but i've been smoking. it'll taste like it, y'know?"

"just let me find out." you mumble, placing a hand on the side of his stool, against his thigh, "kiss me once?"

"well, shit." he chuckles out, now resting a hand on your cheek. you blink at him, feeling comfortable against his palm. "you've got a little crush on me."

you furrow your brows and mumble out, "s—so?"

"ain't that cute?" he says, brushing his thumb against your cheek, "you're not gonna' slap me if i kiss you, are ya'?"

"only if you keep on wasting time." you huff, fist against the bar top. you would never ask him something like this out of the blue. but the atmosphere around you both... it felt suitable. a small smile dawns on his lips at your eagerness.

"fine." he sighs out, leaning forward and finally connecting lips with yours. you hold your breath, not really expecting him to do it. your hand on the stool tightens its grip as he slides his hand from your cheek to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. your lips were so soft, and warm. he can tell that you haven't kissed many people, but that doesn't matter. he never thought he'd be kissing you either.

he had been smoking for the past hour, so he did taste like smoke. while you hated the taste, now, it was sort of masked by the drinks you were both having. and you just couldn't get it out of your head that you were kissing kishibe. the man you kinda' hated.

the kiss didn't last as long as either of you would've wanted, but it's a public place and you only asked for a sample. when he pulls away, you open your eyes to see his smug smile that always makes you irritated. but this time, you're just plain embarrassed. he begins to laugh at you softly, making you click your tongue and push his face away.

"d—don't talk about it." you say, standing up and grabbing your coat. you pay for your drinks with a tip and avoid eye contact with your partner. he downs the rest of his drink and puts his own money down. you begin to walk to the exit before kishibe reaches out and holds your wrist. you glare back at him. "what?"

"can't let you go home all by yourself." he says, standing up and shrugging his trench coat on. you squint at him. "and you don't wanna' let lil' ol' me walk home alone either, do you? let's take a cab to yours."

"seriously?" you mumble under your breath, walking to the exit with him behind you. "fine... you can sleep on the couch."

"aw, such a pity."

↣ yoshida hirofumi

"yoshida, may i speak with you for a moment?" the teacher asks after the bell rings, making everyone in the class turn to their classmate. a playful 'ooh' rang around the room to tease him, making yoshida roll his eyes with a smile. the rest of the class begins to tidy their things up until the teacher speaks up again. "class president, please wait outside for a few minutes.

you look up from your desk, blinking at your teacher. but you nod your head. "yes, ma'am." you respond, fixing your uniform and taking your bag, heading outside with your friends.

yoshida can't help but roll his eyes at the way you walk out of the classroom, all preppy and gracious. you don't even look at him, as if he was scum compared to you. the two of you weren't friends and that was clear enough. you were the class president and needed to keep everyone in order. the rest of the class had liked you and you were friends with other classes too. but the only one who didn't like you was yoshida hirofumi.

you told him that the school didn't allow all those piercings and that the standard were the studs. but he came back the next day with another piercing, showing it off with a diamond earring that he wore once for the purpose of pissing you off. you reprimanded him, disliking his laidback attitude and how he didn't take school seriously. what a waste of a student. you knew plenty of people who would do way better in his position. someone like you knew this and hated that he didn't.

yoshida hated how uptight you were and how you were such a stickler for the rules. he knows that he's not a good student, but why were you always on his ass for it? there were other people in the class — hell, there were tons of other people in the school that you could've been paying attention to, but you chose him. he hated it so much.

"to cut it short, yoshida, your grades have been dropping severely." the teacher had said, making the student snap back into reality. he stands up straight again, nodding his head. "i've decided to allocate you a tutor for all of your classes. you and—"

"don't say l/n."

"... l/n will be meeting on your own terms to study. they're an excellent student and have tutored many of your classmates, yoshida, there is no need to worry." the teacher continued, handing him a stack of papers. he holds them, heaving them under his arms. "practice exams, practice essay, practice tests. you will go through all of these with l/n."

"seriously?" yoshida huffs out, rubbing the back of his neck, "for how long?"

"until your grades are better." the teacher explains, sitting down to grade their quiz from today, "i understand that the two of you aren't close, but make-do for now. you need to rely on them."

"i understand." he sighs, taking the work and leaving the classroom. he sees you standing next to the door, bag on your shoulder as you read a book. he wants to cringe at the cliché scene. "hey. you're tutoring me."

"i know." you respond, tucking your book into your bag and starting on your way, "we're heading to the city library."

"wait, what? you knew?" he says, falling into step beside you. you nod your head. he knits his brows at you as you exit the school. "great. now i gotta' spend months with you."

"just get your grades up and you're fine." you respond, looking to the sky for some patience. he was already getting annoying. "trust me, even a delinquent like you can pass the next exam."

"you talk a lotta' shit for a goody-two-shoes." he huffs, swinging his bag recklessly around. the two of you board a train towards the city and you take the papers from yoshida, flicking through them and making notes of what to teach him. he watches you from his spot beside you. "even your handwriting is blinding. why is it so... neat?"

"you mean readable?" you scoff, looking at him with an aggravated expression. why did he talk so much? "i'm doing this for you."

"why did you even agree to this if we don't like each other?" he asks you, watching the roof of the strangely empty train. you look back to the work, sorting them into sections. "you have a secret crush on me or something?"

"what? no, idiot." you scoff, shaking your head, "i just don't want you to fall behind. it'd be a shame for everyone else to graduate without you." he looks back to you, a surprised look on his face. but you look away, outside. "don't look too much into it, yoshida. just trying to keep the class average up."

"yeah, whatever..." he mumbles, going back to hating you. any sliver of you being genuinely nice was now gone. he just listened to the way the train rolled across the tracks. he listened to you scribble down your notes.

he had watched countless people confess to you. just yesterday, a girl handed you a bouquet of flowers — your favourite ones, apparently — and confessed to you that she had feeling for you for a year. but you rejected her, apologising and saying that you did not return her feelings. it felt somewhat cold, yoshida was watching from around the corner. luckily you didn't notice him, you probably would've told him off for not doing his class duties.

he never understood the appeal to you. why did so many people want you?

a few minutes kater, you were in the library, setting up your things in a private study area. you gave him some work to try out and pulled out your own things to do. he sighs, taking out his pencil case to write on the paper, "put on some music or something."

"this is a library, yoshida." you retort, rolling your eyes, "just do your work and show me when you're done."

"jesus, i can't believe people actually like you." he groans, leaning back in his chair. you blink at his insult. "i don't understand why everyone flocks around you and throw themselves in your direction."

"i'm the class president, people come to me for advice all the time. maybe if you showed up to class more than one a week you'd notice." you huff out, glaring at him, "people like me because i'm good help."

"singing your own praises?" he snickers, flipping through the booklet. he hated how confident you were in yourself when he really saw you as overbearing. even the way you sat there, writing with your perfect handwriting. "i can't deal with you, president."

"i couldn't tell." you sigh, standing up. he watches your movements. "i'm going to grab you a book go borrow for the next week. it has all you need to know on the book we studied this semester. i don't have enough time to explain everything to you before the exams since it's in a few months. but that book will help."

"yay..." he mumbles out, moving onto the next set of questions. he waited for you to come back with your stupid book, but enough time had passed that it was suspicious. he even finished the booklet that you gave him, and that took him a while. he looks around the library, seeing few people walking about. "where are they go? don't tell me they abandoned me here..."

he stands up, positive your stuff would stay safe, and begins to look through the aisles. he doesn't see you yet, and he's getting pissed out. you made him come here, and you just ditched? that's so 'un-presidently' of you.

but he hears your voice in the next aisle, sounding pissed off. like always, when you spoke to him.

"thank you for showing me where the book is, but i should get going." you say, yoshida standing at the other end of the aisle, out of your sight. he could see the boom you were holding and your stupid hair, but you were blocked off by someone else. "please leave me alone."

"aw, what? i help you find your book and this is the thank i get?" the taller person says, hand against the bookshelf to keep you from walking off. you roll your eyes at them. "c'mon, just your number, that's all i ask for."

"it's your job to help people in the library find their books. you work here." you explain, tucking the book under your arm, "i don't owe you anything other than a 'thank you'."

"well i take my 'thank you's in dates." they respond. yoshida sighs, clenching his fists and walking towards the both of you. "what's somebody gotta' do to land one with you—"

"leave 'em alone, asshole." yoshida scoffs, tugging the worker back and standing in between the both of you. you widen your eyes at him before looking away, a bit ashamed to need his help. but yoshida is glaring at the librarian. "they're not interested."

"shit man, i'm sorry, i didn't know they—"

"yeah whatever. get outta here." yoshida scoffs, rolling his eyes. the worker only looks his up and down before walking off, muttering under their breath. once they're gone, yoshida looms to you. "you good?"

"yeah..." you mumble out, rubbing your forehead, "people like that give me a headache.

"mhm." he huns out, seeing how you lean against the bookcase. you stared down st the analytical text in your hands. you were so embarrassed that he had to come in and save you. some like him, protecting you...

you look back up and see his smug face, and you just know that he's aware of how you're feeling.

"who would've guessed it? i had to come to the class president's aid." yoshida chimes, leaning a hand against the bolted down bookshelf. you scowl at him, closing your eyes. "i guess you owe me one now, huh?"

"and once again, you're an ass..." you retort. your little scrunched up face makes yoshida smile. genuinely. he scans your appearance before tilting his head at you.

"what is it that makes people fawn over you so much?" he questions, looking confused. you open your eyes to see him standing closer. "i mean, sure, you're cute, but that's about it, no? your stubbornness ruins it all. as soon as you open your mouth, i wanna burst my ear drums."

"whatever, yoshida. i don't care what you have to say." you mumble back at him.

"see? so mean." he chuckles, take another step closer. you notice but don't say anything, to which he notices as well. out of all the people who have liked you, he's surely standing the closest. you haven't pushed him away, which is strange. you'd usually be out in a second. but you stand your ground. he smiles at you. "how could anyone find that attractive?"

you look to the side for a split second, only for yoshida to come unbearably closer. you can feel his breath on your cheek and his shoulder is against yours. his other hand stays in his pocket while the other braces himself. you hold your own breath.

"maybe people only like your pretty face." he says, not missing a beat as his hand slides down to hold the shelf beside your torso. his wrist slightly grazes your body. you shiver for a second, standing up straighter. yoshida pays attention. "you think so, y/n?"

"no, i—i don't." you stammer. yoshida is surprised when he feels you grasp his shirt, making him lean back jut enough to see your expression. you could barely hold your glare. so cute. "i'm... i'm a good person, so that's why—"

"that's the first thing people notice when they look at you. your looks." he claims, making your face burn hot. but yoshida just smiles at you. "you sayin' i'm wrong?"

you scoff at him, "why are you so close anyway...?" he raises his brows at you, eyes flicking to your lips for more than a second. you realise what he's looking at before you speak again. "yoshida...?"

"you don't seem to mind..." he trails off, "you can always push me away if i get too close..."

you don't say anything as he gets closer and closer until suddenly, he's kissing you. yoshida's hand stays at the shelf to hold himself up, but his other one gently holds your hand against his chest. you're kissing back before you can even think, your other hand still holding onto the book.

he tastes a bit savoury, probably because of the hot lunch he had before. but the drink he had on the table where you two were studying, is sweet. the mixture entices you as you as you are the one to deepen the kiss, pushing forward and catching yoshida by surprise.

you let out a small squeak; it was obvious you weren't experienced. with how seriously you took school, how could you be? yoshida didn't have his fair share of partners either but, he was so gentle with you.

when he pulls away, he opens his eyes to see your dazed look towards him. you gulp once you regain your sense of thought, then leaning back.

"i'm sorry, i—"

"i guess you're not a terrible kisser." he interrupts you, standing up straight and keeping his hands to himself. you feel somewhat relieved, but you nudge yoshida in the stomach due to embarrassment. "hey, stop. maybe that's why people like you."

"i don't go around kissing everyone, shit for brains." you claim, shoving the book into his chest. he stands back with an 'oof', watching you walk out of the aisle.

"so it's just me?" he chuckles, jogging to catch up with you. you glare at him. "how lucky."

↣ himeno

himeno didn't understand why aki spoke so highly of you. her friend, whose opinion was usually right, explained that you were a tremendous hunter and that you were highly respected. so why are you in her apartment, in your shirt and underwear, and eating out of her fridge?

"morning." you say, seeing the groggy himeno coming out of her room. she blinks cluelessly at you. "you hungry? i made breakfast."

"the hell are you doing here?" she grunts, walking closer to you in a hoodie and sweatpants. you look back at her, sorting the breakfast into two bowls. "and why are you using my food?"

"huh? you don't remember? you invited me over last night after drinks." you explain, taking out two spoons and shoving one into the food before pushing the bowl to himeno. "you're wearing my sweater, by the way."

"i was wonder when i bought this." she murmurs to herself. but she then shakes her head, sitting down at the counter and thinking to herself why would she ever invite the person she loathed the most to stay at hers? "we didn't... did we?"

"no, himeno. you were black out drunk, y'know." you say in an obvious tone. she clicks her tongue and eats her food. you begin to eat as well. "did you take the medicine and drink the water i left on your bedside table?"

why were you acting so nice? she gripped her spoon tighter, stopping her movements as she swallows her food. "yes. you didn't have to do that." she thinks she would've preferred if you didn't. now she feels obligated to return the favour.

"it's nothing. i didn't want you to wake up so hungover again." you retort, looking to the ceiling.

she scans you and wonders how you could be so indecent in front of her when you were 'well-respected'. your underwear was showing, you weren't wearing any pants, your shirt was crinkled and loose hanging, your hair was a mess and you just look tired overall. this was not the pristine presentation he was used to.

you catch her staring. "sorry, do you want me to put on my pants? i couldn't find em around here." you admit, looking at the messy floor. himeno feels a little embarrassed at the mess but doesn't keep her eyes off you.

"no, it's fine." she retorts, feeling her eye patch before running her fingers through her hair, "don't you have a mission or something?"

you think for a second before putting down the bowl. "yeah, i think. later, makima wants me to check something out with her." you tell her, watching her roll her eyes, "what's wrong?"

"you in love with her too?" she scoffs.

"no?" you say, tilting your head, "she's my boss."

"oh." you'd be the first she'd hear doesn't like her. she sits up straight on her stool. "really?"

"yeah, really." you say as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, making himeno stop. you continue to eat your food. "i don't date superiors."

"right..." she mumbles back, confused. but you accidentally drop your spoon on the floor, making you curse quietly. she's never heard you swear, and she stares at you.

you lick your thumb, a little bit of sauce on it, before you turn to her with wide eyes. "ah, sorry, himeno. paper towels?"

she points to the cupboard and finishes her food, watching you clean up your mess. you're not really clumsy, she knows, so seeing you drop something was strange. you were usually moving so perfectly...

"you always like this?" she hums out, chin in her hand.

you put the towels in the bin and take your empty bowls (hers as well) and clean them. "i'm sorry, i live alone. so no one really sees me mess up." you admit.

himeno hates your voice. you don't speak much, but when you do, she's rolling her eyes. what you have to say is usually so inspiring to the other hunters, but she finds them cheesy. kobeni was brought to happy tears by what you said to her before a mission, which made himeno stop everyone and wait for kobeni to stop crying.

you're so high and mighty. everyone loves you and you try to be so mysterious. she never understood why everyone liked you, why everyone tolerated you when you don't do anything. maybe you're strong, stronger than aki and kishibe, but you were just praised so much that she hated you.

but seeing you now, all over the dishes and struggling to clean the things you used, it makes you feel more human to her. she watches you from the counter, hearing you curse to yourself as the dishwashing soap falls from your hand and into the soapy water. you turn to her to see if she saw. she did. you embarrassed yourself, and you sheepishly look away. she smiles. and stops as soon as she realises she is.

you were like some high school kid watching themselves around their crush. the way you glanced at her told her all she needed to know.

"i'm gonna go and change." she says, standing up from her stool and moving to her bedroom. she doesn't wait for your reply, but she heard a faint 'okay' from her room.

she didn't understand the change. admittedly, last night was the only time she's seen you outside of work hours, where no devils were there to stop you from being just you. you were sitting quietly, listening to everyone speak. you didn't know what to say.

after you finish the dishes, you try to clean up around the living room and kitchen. there were blankets and pillows all on the floor, maybe she was having a party or something. but you pick them up, fold them, put them in their place. and you finally find your pants, sliding them on happily.

you look for your belt under the couch when you hear someone clear their throat. looking up, you see himeno standing in her work attire with her arms crossed.

"hey, i'm looking for something, sorry." you say, standing up. she hands you your hoodie, which you plan on putting over your work shirt and tie. you just needed to find your belt and you would be set. "i'll be ready soon—oof!"

you fall onto the couch, on your back, as himeno moves forward and clambers over you. she gives you a pointed look as you stare up at her, feeling your face heating up. you gulp, one hand bracing the cushion of the couch, and the other hanging off the side. she's loosely straddling one of your thighs, hovering above you as her hand still on the sides of your head.

"h—himeno—"

"do you have a crush on me?" she interrupts you, tilting her head.

"what? that would be unprofessional, i—i couldn't..." you begin, losing your voice as you feel how close she is to you. your heart speeds up. "i'm sorry..."

"i knew it..." she huffs, leaning to the side a little. she scans your face, how your eyes stay on her. "you're terrible at hiding it."

"i'm sorry." you say, gulping. she was leaning closer, and you were getting nervous. "please don't hate me for it. we're partners."

"i bet you wish we were more." she jokes, gently grasping your chin so you look her dead in the eyes. you look like a poor deer in headlights. "i already hate you. everyone talks about how cool and how strong you are. and you suck it all in, go along with it. makes you feel better, doesn't it?"

"what?" you whisper out, blinking innocently.

"i hate people like you." she says, enjoying how you helplessly stared at her. you looked so hopeless — hopelessly in love with her. without a word more, she leans down and softly connects her lips with yours.

you hold your breath, keeping still as she kisses you. it was so out of the blue — didn't she say she hated you? you carefully move your free hand to the back of her neck, squeezing your eyes shut and missing her back eagerly.

her hand drops from your chin, dragging down to stop at your waist, holding you from there. your breathing hitches, and you pull away slightly to gasp. she catches your lips again, setting herself down to straddle you properly. she continues to kiss you as you sit up slightly, elbows bent to hold your weight.

you felt hot in the face, you knew you were embarrassing yourself by being such a klutz. but as her lips leave yours, you almost chase. himeno was an enchantress. you loved her smell, the sound of her voice, the way she walked. and here she was, saying how much she hated you.

"i—i thought you didn't like me." you huff out, sitting up straight to be face to face with himeno. your lidded eyes and dazed expression made her hold her breath for a moment. but, as if you've gathered your confidence, you begin to lean in again. "do... you not wan—"

"don't you have to meet up with makima?" she says, placing a hand on your chest and shoving you back to lay down again with a huff. she hops off your, moving to grab her shoes. "c'mon, before you're late and your amazing reputation is ruined."

you take a moment to gather yourself. your hair was even more messed up, and you stared at the roof with a heavy heart. it was beating fast, making you take in a deep breath and sit up, fixing your outfit and hair. you look behind you, seeing your belt underneath the pillow. after standing up and putting it on, you see himeno waiting for you.

she was leaning against the wall, watching you scramble to put your shoes on. she herself was wondering why she had kissed you too. you were always good-looking, but the way you acted pissed her off. did your prettiness really cloud her judgement.

she looks down to you sitting on the floor, struggling to tie your shoelaces. she chuckles.

no, she just met the real you today.

[vernons-girl]

after midnight | wen junhui

implicit smut ? pretty heavy angst, fluff somehow?, wc:1.2k

Both of your bodies drowning in the moonlight, Jun's forehead was resting against yours as you were making love to one another.

Pants, moans and occasional growls slipped out from both of your lips, swallowing each other’s sound in heated and passionate kisses, your lips pressing on his, his tongue made its way inside of your mouth, exploring every inches of you with his warm hands, feeling up from your thigh, to your waist down all the way up to your chest before resting softly around your neck, barely applying any pressure just so he could angle your face the right way to kiss you how he wanted.

You pulled away from his to admire his every features, the way his eyes were slightly glimmering under the faint light coming from outside, how a few drops of sweat would pearl near his hairline, his black hair sticking to his forehead, beautifully framing his face, his mouth agape as his hot breath fans on your lips, low and barely audible sound making their way out of his beautiful swollen lips.

It had been a while since you and Jun saw each other and finally being with one another, sharing your love and adoration felt overwhelming, it was a lot to take in, almost too much.

You ragged breath turned into faint sobs, your emotions getting the best of you, the sound that you made brought Jun out of whatever trance he was in.

“Baby ?” he asked worriedly, getting no answer from you he halted his movements and brought your face for you to look into his eyes.

“Y/N ? Love, did I hurt you ? Please tell me I didn’t hurt you.” every alarm was setting in his brain, he knew you guys were the passionate type during those moments but never has he done anything that could hurt you, so the thought of doing it made panic rose within him.

“No - I’m fine, you didn’t do anything wrong,” you began, seeing him untense above you, rubbing both his thumbs on your cheeks to sooth you from whatever made you break down like that.

“I just missed you so much and all of this feels overwhelming and I didn’t mean to cry like I’m so sorry I just -” he hushed you with a kiss, firm and quick but which held so many words.

“I missed you too, a lot. Don’t apologize for that, okay ?” he reassured you, obvious care in his tone, his words and acts never failed to make your heart swell.

“You’re not going to leave again, are you ?” you whispered against his lips, your eyes closed to hold back the tears that were threatening from rolling down your cheeks.

“I’m not leaving. Ever.” Jun truthfully said, finding himself getting emotional on his own, seeing you allowing yourself to be so vulnerable before him always made him feel some type of way, the more the time passed by, the more he was helping you out of your shell, and so were you.

You guys were like two flames, even more powerful than soulmates. In addition to being made of each other you also made each other grow, when you met, your lives just completely changed. You started seeing the world differently. You were pushing one another to engage with the divine, shift consciousness, and become a better, soulful being in this experience.

And this is why your relationship was so intense and challenging.

It was making you deal with both of your unresolved issues and become bigger persons.

Tonight was most certainly another moment of growth and emotional bonding.

“I’m not ready to lose you.” Jun confessed, blinking and allowing a few tears to slip from his eyes.

You brought his face down to yours and kissed his tears away, messily rubbing your nose against his as a sign of reassurance, holding his face close to yours, as if you were one.

“You’re the reason I’m still here..” you replied, sincerity blooming out of your sentence.

This moment was intense to say the least, what started as a passionate and loving night was taking a complete turn and slowly grew onto a night of deep hearted confessions.

“It’s us against the world, right ?” he said chuckling softly, subtly referring to that one night you were the first one to say this, you had decided to meet up atop of a hill which was hovering the city, being visited by a few couples and group of friends who wanted to stargaze just like you.

That night was meaningful, the world felt small and you were on top of it all, it was really you two against the world.

“I love you so much Jun, I love you so much it hurts.” you admitted, pouring your feelings directly within his heart, “And I love you more than any words or stars could express Y/N.”

The atmosphere was heavy, the warmth previously enveloping you had cooled down, a small breeze could almost be felt as no words were being spoken.

Kisses were being shared, even deeper and more passionate than before, it was almost becoming messy, none of you dared to pull away too much nor for too long, your lips barely leaving his, a thin layer of spit covering your lips as his tongue swiped against it, offering you the softest french kisses you could ask for.

You were just staring at each other, losing yourselves in one another’s loving gaze, his breath tickling your chin as you two tried to ease the tension that had made its way in your systems.

After a while, just staring at your lover, he leaned down to kiss you again, one quick kiss, earning a relaxed smile from you as you both let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, that simple gesture had eased the tension and you kissed again.

Your bodies started moving under the covers once again, your right hand tangling in his hair to pull him closer to you, if that was even possible, while you left hand held onto his arm for dear life, scared he might just disappear under your touch.

Jun wasn’t doing any better, one arm sneaking under you to press your chest flush against his, as his other hand mimicked yours and ran through your hair.

At this moment, you two really made one, unable to be without the other everything fell into place. The way he was holding you close to him, as you were half laying on top of him, completely out of breath, stroking your sticky hair out of your face, lowering his gaze to admire your face, a lazy smile adorning your lips as you absentmindedly drew random shapes on his chest with your fingertips.

“I’m never going to leave you Y/N. I promise.” Jun breathed out, kissing the crown of your head as you slowly drifted off to sleep, wrapped in his warm embrace and endless love, being with him feeling as comforting as it could.

It felt like home, he felt like home. Yes, no matter what happened, you knew you could always run to him to find whatever you needed, you silently admitted to yourself that Jun is home.

[mcyt-trios]

SEMI-FINALS

PROPAGANDA:

Familoier:

I CANT SPEND THE NEXT HOUR TYPING

THE TRIO OF ALL TIME TRULY- ALL 3 OF THEM LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH- LIKE ROIER AND CELLBIT ARE MARREID YEAH BUT THEY STILL CONSIDER JAIDEN PART OF THEIR FAMILY SHE IS IMPORTANT TO THEM AND THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO HER- ROIER AND JAIDEN WILL ALWAYS BE PARTNERS NO MATTER WHAT

theee relationship of all time: roier is husbands with cellbit and jaiden is his qpp, they are all so caring for each other and they have had their tension and their bad moments but there's a genuine want to communicate and grow better all the time :( <3

Cellbit and Roier are romantic married, Roier and Jaiden were platonic partners raising a child together, and all 3 are chaos together! But get along so so well! They support each other so much and care about each other so deeply and they are all Sillies

this is jaiden, and this is jaiden's partner/ the father of her child roier, and this is roier's cannibal husband cellbit

Eclipse Federation:

i dont like them. they ruined my life. Subz and Vitalasy had already partnered in previous seasons but this one, Vitalasy ended up leaving for a few months, leaving Subz alone, and Zam ended up getting close to him after immense trauma at the hands of his former teammates. Zam has done SO many wrongs, including to Subz himself and Subz STILL took him in and made him join Eclipse Federation after Zam died 14 times in a row and got banned then revived by the same player who's been killing him all this time. And it could've been perfect but no, Zam had betrayed his previous team due to them using dupes via exploits, and now Eclipse Federation ALSO has exploits! And he decided that yeah his morals were more important than being loved! And so he murders Vitalasy when he's at his most vulnerable point, lets everyone gaslight him into thinking Vitalasy is an irredeemable evil monster who will never change, even as Vitalasy SAID he was ready to change before the betrayal even happened, Eclipse threw out their whole revenge plans because of Zam's positive influence and he just broke everything. Subz couldn't be with Zam but also couldn't see himself at Vitalasy's side, leaving him alone. Vitalasy hated Zam and yet never killed him or hunted him down, despite Zam acting like he did. And when Vitalasy left, banning himself off from the server, Zam had some time alone to think and realized he fucked up SOOOO bad. And Subz revived Vitalasy and told him to kill him. And ban him. His last wish. His Deliverance. And to make up with Zam. And Vitalasy tried, and they kind of did make up over Subz's death, but then Zam was like "actually im going to kill everyone and destroy the server now. because i want subz back and also because i always do extremely drastic things when i don't need to because i have unchecked mental illnesses i refuse to get help for". And surprisingly when Subz came back he didn't like that! And they ended in tragedy! Eclipse is fucked up. It's a trio that's always about the absence of one person, it's a team that could only happen in one timeline and it was doomed from the very start. But the love was there. It made everything worse, truthfully. But it was there. And that matters. Also as a fun fact Zam himself on twitter has referred to eclipse as a throuple, which is not canon but that's pretty funny. he also stated on stream he didn't want to get therapy because it'd ruin his lifesteal character. and there was a saga where they would "marry" (challenge lost kinda shenanigans) and zam was the only one happy about it. he's not normal. there's something wrong with him. love that for him though sorry for the block of text. I really dislike them. They're my beloveds :3

[13tongues]

happy friday the thirteenth

hello, hello.

it's been a while.

let me start by apologizing for falling off the face of the internet over a year ago now. i wish i had a better explanation for y'all, but truthfully, i just felt burnt out and had personal issues to work through that greatly impacted my desire to write anything or even maintain some kind of internet presence.

i will say my life has changed significantly shortly after i stopped writing and i didn't have the time i used to to write. i returned to school and lost all of my free time.

he's a killer queen, the most widely read of my fics and the only one to be regularly updated, became scarier and scarier to write. i appreciate every single one of you who has read any of my works and enjoyed it or left me comments letting me know how you felt about it, and i deeply appreciated that all of you were so endlessly kind about my writing. at the same time, something i really enjoyed writing and imagining and updating became something of a burden. i didn't love how i wrote the second trial in the goblet of fire and rereading those chapters, i can see my own indecision and hesitation in deciding how to progress in that moment. i cared a lot that people liked my writing and worried about failing to meet people's expectations, and it became harder to write at all. especially as i approached fifth year, with umbridge, i struggled. i experienced the same feeling where i did not like how i was writing umbridge, but felt my own expectation of me to post forcing me to write her character anyway.

i still think about he's a killer queen and all of my unfinished works and think about how i had planned to wrap them up way back when. most of them also have final chapters outlined, although everything in between has been yet to be written.

beginning in january of this year, i knew october 13th would be a friday and i imagined it would be the perfect day to return to posting. and yet, my 29th chapter, titled "edward elric is back in black" is half-finished.

i cannot promise any firm deadlines moving forward, but i intend to be more active. i will be done with my degree in 2024 and once i'm back to working, i think i will have more brain power to be creative and get back into writing, which i truly love. i still write snippets of ed and the gang here and there, they're not forgotten.

i really hope to share my silly little stories with y'all again soon.

sincerely, hoye.

[makeitastrength]

Boy was that an intense start to my morning. Season 6 continues to deliver!

My initial thoughts on the episode:

1. I’ve always felt the theories about Blair being evil were way off base, so I definitely didn’t see that coming. Clearly I was wrong. And I’m worried for Aaron. She’s clearly preying on his need for support after his trauma.

2. I’m glad the theories I saw (including mine) about Tim were correct… that it had to do with his military background and that he left to protect Lucy. Anything else would have seemed out of character.

3. Lucy was right to react the way she did. She and Tim are getting better at opening up and communicating, but they have a ways to go, and that’s only going to improve if they hold each other accountable.

4. That being said, I do understand why Tim is keeping her in the dark. We know he has a tendency to shoulder the burden and take the blame whenever possible (hell, he offered to take the fall this episode). So it’s completely in character for him to go off on his own like this and not ask for help. It’s what he’s always done. And it’s probably a product of his upbringing and his background.

When you come from abuse, you learn to hide things and keep secrets to avoid more abuse. And you learn not to ask for help because it will make you look weak or incompetent or whatever else, which will probably lead to more abuse. And also, when you’ve never been loved unconditionally before, you don’t understand that you can ask for help and make mistakes and admit your past sins to the person and they will still love you. It’s something both Lucy and Tim are still struggling to grasp, but I think Tim more so than Lucy. So not only is he protecting Lucy, but I think he’s trying to protect himself from losing her.

Despite their comments early on about promising to always be honest with each other, they’ve never fully managed that. It started as small, relatively innocent white lies but it’s gradually escalated. Truthfully, a situation like this has been a long time coming. Personally, I think Tim will eventually let Lucy in. I have a feeling the upcoming vulnerable moment is going to be related to that. And I hope that will be what breaks down the final walls and allows them both to realize how deeply and unconditionally they are loved by each other.

[lainiespicewrites]

I Just want to feel safe Part 2

Okay this took me literal weeks! And I’m sorry! But I’m happy with how this turned out I think. Here is part 2 of my Walter Fic! Again this has kind of become an SVU crossover and I’m not sorry 😂

Let me know what you think ❤️

Warnings: mentions of sexual assault, cursing

Also there’s a POV switch because I wanted to try something new.

I own all of my mistakes here! I’m sure it’s not perfect but it’s mine.❤️❤️

Part 1:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up in the morning the detective was back in his office. He looked up from his computer when he heard me stop in the doorway.

“Good morning,” He spoke softly, offering me a warm smile as continued sifting through some case notes.

“Hi,” I said shyly, a little unsure about this situation now that I was of sound mind. Still he was warm and welcoming in his demeanor. Despite all that had happened.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked, sounding genuinely concerned. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, taking a moment to think about how to answer. It shouldn’t be a difficult question. But the last few weeks, everything seemed to feel that way. It all felt heavy and difficult to navigate. Although I wasn’t looking for more pity from this man I gave him an honest answer.

“I slept, which is more than I can say for the last few nights.” His lips quivered into a sad smile and he nodded.

“I thought about something this morning,” He said as he pulled open one of his desk drawers and started rummaging through it. “I’m not sure if you’ve considered it or if it’s something you’re already doing..” He said as he continued to search through the drawer. Finally he found what he was looking for, a business card of some kind. He took it out of the drawer and held it out for me to take. I entered his office and took the card hesitantly. I waited for him to speak again before I looked at it. “We’re given a lot of resources in the police department. And although I didn’t have much luck with her, it was mainly my own fault. I’m terribly stubborn I suppose,” He chuckled awkwardly trying to reign in his rambling. “I hear she’s an excellent therapist. She’s very kind.” I nodded. I examined the card. It gave the therapist's name and hours. The address and the phone number. I bit my lip contemplating again. He just shared something personal with me. Indirectly, albeit, but still. He didn’t have to tell me he’d been to therapy himself. But at the same time, I had tried it too. But I never felt comfortable opening up. It never worked. He wanted to help. And I had to face the fact that tonight I had to go home. And be alone again. I couldn’t keep staying with him. This was strange enough as it was.

“Thank you,” I said finally. It was the only thing I could say. “I’ll keep this in mind. I appreciate all you’ve done and all you’re doing for me. Detective Marshall.”

“It’s my job,” He said softly. But that was it. I mean, was taking a distressed victim home with him part of his job? Or was there something about me that made him want to help? Or am I losing my mind and catching feelings for the first person who made me feel better. I shook my head. I was losing it. I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed and we were truthfully just getting started. I needed to get a grip.

“Yeah,” was all I said in response. He let out a short breath and stood up.

“We should get to the station. Get things rolling,” He said. I nodded and followed him as we exited his house and got into his truck.

The ride to the station was mostly quiet. But there was one burning question I couldn’t keep to myself. “Once I give you my statement, will you … will you have enough to arrest him?” I asked. Walter was quiet for a moment but his grip on the steering wheel got tighter. There was a tick in his Jaw as he thought about what to say. I suppose that was all the answer I really needed.

“It could be,” He said plainly. “However,” he added, his voice a little more pained. “With as long as it’s been and with the lack of evidence, we’ll likely have to do a more thorough investigation before we can send your case to the prosecutor, in order for them to send us the okay for the arrest.” My heart dropped.

“So you’re saying there’s a chance you won’t even be allowed to charge him?” I couldn’t help the urgency in my voice. That’s not what he said. “You said you put people away on less!” I cried. “I change my mind, I don't.. I don’t wanna do this!” I was panicking. I wasn’t worth it. I knew it wasn’t. Reliving telling this. And how many more times would I have to do it. And what if it’s for nothing. Walter stopped the truck pulling over on the side of the road. He sighed. Leaning his head back against the headrest and then turning to me.

“Alayna, this isn’t hopeless, I need you to trust me. I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I wasn’t sure I could help you. I have put men like him away with just a witness statement. It’s just not easy to convince the court to let us move off of something so…” he paused trying to find the right word.

“Weak?” I spoke.

“That’s not what I was going to say.” He said softly, he reached for my hand gently putting his hand over mine before tentatively lacing our fingers together. He sighed again. He was frustrated, not so much at me, just that he was also stuck. Bound by the system to do things by the book. He ran his other hand through his hair and let it fall to his lap. “My job is to keep you safe. Beyond that, I want to keep you safe. I want to help you. I’m not going to let them sweep you under the rug. I’ve seen how this affected you. How it still affects you. I can’t force you to report this. But I can tell you that if you ask me to take you home right now. I’m going to lose even more sleep tonight worrying about you than I would if I were working your case.”

“What happens if they refuse the charges?” I asked meekly, staring at the floor. I felt him squeeze my hand.

“I promise you, he’ll never touch you again. I’ll keep you safe.” He said. I looked up at him. Meeting his eyes. They were darker. Something fierce. I was going to ask another question. I was going to ask how he could possibly know that. How he could be so sure. Why would he promise something like that? But looking in his eyes. I knew. He wasn’t going to let the prosecutor deny the charges. He was going to fight for me.

“I’ll go.” I said finally. His face softened and I felt his thumb brush over the back of my hand before he pulled away from me and veered the truck back onto the road. The rest of the drive was quiet. But there was less tension now then there had been.

At the station, Walter took me into a room where they interviewed the witnesses. This was nothing like what I was used to on TV. It wasn’t a dark, dingy interrogation. It was warm, comfortable, and bright. There was a couch along the wall. I sat there and watched him as he sat across from me in a chair and explained the process.

I probably should’ve paid better attention to what he was saying. But I couldn’t. It’s why I was confused when he set a tape recorder on the coffee table. He must’ve read the look on my face because he gave me a gentle smile and said.

“To record your statement for the prosecutor's office I may have to ask you a few questions as well. And then you’ll write it.” He explained. Likely repeating himself. I nodded.

“And then I’m done?” I asked desperately. He nodded.

“Then you’re done. If it were recent we’d collect any evidence and take you to the hospital for an exam, but we don’t really have a reason to do that here. Just your statement is good enough.” I nodded and Walter pressed record, starting the interview.

The whole process took about 2 hours. Going over everything, carefully recalling each detail. Of course he had to ask questions. “If there were others in the house why didn’t you call for help?” It was like my brain was paralyzed. I was just going through muscle memory, going through the motions. I couldn’t do anything. “Why did it take you so long to report your assault?” At first I wasn’t sure it was assault. I didn’t want to believe that he would do that to me. But the more I replayed it in my head and when I finally told someone what happened. I came to terms with it. But by that point I was scared. I had nothing. It wouldn’t matter. I convinced myself it wouldn’t matter.

I thought it would be hard to write it all down. To see it all on paper. But even when he asked me to read through it and confirm that it was all true, it didn’t hurt like I expected. Maybe doing this, finally giving myself a sense of justice was the peace that I needed. Maybe, I just needed to speak it outloud to someone who could really listen. So I wasn’t the only one carrying it. Or maybe it was him. Maybe it was how soft his voice was. The way he was looking at me. What he had said in the truck. Was this what it felt like to actually trust someone? But he was a police officer. He was just doing his job. I had heard of this before. Women falling in love with their therapists, or the firemen who pulled them out of a burning building. Whatever I believed was here couldn’t be real.

I avoided his eyes as I put the pen down. I had signed the statement making it all official. He reached across the table taking the paper and tucking it away into my casefile.

“I’ll get this scanned and submitted to the courts right away, unfortunately this is the part where we hurry up and wait.” I nodded.

“So, what do I do now?” I was exhausted, my voice was weak and tired. Walter sighed and rested his hand on my shoulder.

“Now, I’m going to take you home, and try to get some rest, and leave the hard part to me, as soon as I know anything I’ll contact you.” He said. I nodded. Out of all the things I had to do today. This was the part I dreaded most. Being alone again. But it was inevitable.

When we arrived at my building Detective Marshall offered to walk me inside. But I just shook my head and gave him a weak smile. I didn’t want to bother him any longer. I had to learn how to survive again. Hopefully this will all be over soon.

WALTERS POV

I waited until I watched her walk into the building. If I’m honest, I sat in that parking lot for another 20 minutes, watching the door and checking the perimeter of the building. I promised I’d keep her safe. I intended to keep that promise.

When I finally headed back to the station I checked I.T. to make sure her paperwork had been faxed to the prosecutor. I hate this part. I’ve worked cases where people try to take the law into their own hands. And while I still continue to follow through with direct orders and let the system put people to justice. I could see why others take matters into their own hands. I sat in my office, loading her file on my computer. Reading through it all. I see this everyday. I track down killers, rapists, abusers, every single day. But she’s stuck in my head. The knock on my door takes my focus from the screen. I lifted my eyes to see who was at my office. Rachel.

“Hi,” she spoke softly. She had that sympathetic smile on her face like she was reading my mind before I even spoke.

“Did you need something?” I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow.

“I just wanted to check in with you, and see how everything went with the girl that came in to report last night?” she asked, her eyes big and hopeful. Rachel is an incredibly kind person. But she is also incredibly curious and stubborn.

“Just finished up this morning.” I said blankly. Hoping she would take it and leave. I know better.

“You got her to talk to you, good. I was worried about her. I noticed, uhm that, she came in with you today,” she raised an eyebrow accusingly. I let out a sigh running a hand over my beard. I locked eyes with her. I’d already beat myself up for taking this girl home with me last night. I’d gone against the code of conduct to help her feel safe. What did she want me to say?

“You seem to know everything already, why don’t you tell me what’s going on then. Since you’ve got me all figured out here.” I nodded to her, pursing my lips into a tight scowl. I didn’t need her psychoanalysis to tell me I’d fucked up. I knew that.

Her arms were crossed now as she leaned against the door frame looking me over carefully.

“Did you drive her home last night?” I let out a sharp laugh.

“It was freezing outside, she walked here. Yes. I took her home.” I replied. Not fully a lie. We did stop there. “Are you done?” I asked her “I have a lot to get done today and I’m waiting to hear from the prosecutor,”

“Walter,” She sighed, stepping into my office and sitting in front of me. The same place Alayna had sat last night. “Did she go home with you? It’s typical for victims to make…” she paused trying to find the right word. “Advances, toward men they see as protectors.” My brow creased my eyes zeroing in on her as I stopped her.

“You think I had sex with her?” I snap “That girl is afraid of her own shadow, you saw her. How long had you been talking to her? Trying to get her to open up before I came in? Yes, I finally got her to talk. And she was extremely shaken up. I took her home, but she looked so scared. Afraid to be alone. I don’t know why I did it. I could’ve … I should have sent her into her building and called an officer to sit and keep watch for the night.”

“But you didn’t, you let her go back to your house. Why?” She pressed. I groaned, frustrated.

“I don’t know,” I sighed.

“Nothing happened?” She asked.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” I growled. Her eyes went wide and she held up her hands in defense.

“Okay, just be more careful, something like this could have the head of the department on your ass and I can’t cover for you,” she said. I rolled my eyes, looking back at the screen.

“I didn’t ask you to,” I mumbled. She sighed and her shoulders slump, defeated. She stood to exit the office. Before she was completely out of ear shot she added.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” When I knew she was gone I leaned back in my chair letting my head fall back and let out a frustrated groan. Of all people she should understand I was just trying to help this girl.

I’m distracted by my office phone ringing. I picked it up immediately.

“SVU this is Captain Marshall,” I answered

“Marshall, this is Casey Novack, I just reviewed your case.” I gripped the phone tighter.

“And?” I encouraged her.

“You have no evidence here, what do you want me to do?” she explained.

“Let me arrest this guy, there’s enough detail in the statement to pull a confession, Casey. This victim’s been holding on to this for 2 year’s,” I argued.

“If I do that and he doesn’t confess this judge will have my ass Walt you know that, If this girl would’ve confessed sooner…”

“Casey, this isn’t a gamble. This happened. He’s guilty. I will get you that confession.” I barked, interrupting her.

“Legally?” I couldn’t see her face but I knew she had an eyebrow raised. “You’re a good cop Marshall, I’ll give you that. I don’t know what’s changed in you, I’ve never seen you fight so hard for the victim. It’s always about brute force with you. …Pick him up. Don’t make me regret this.” She said.

“You won’t,” I assured her.

It took me less than 2 hours to track him down. He wasn’t home. He wasn’t at work. Ironically, he was back in their hometown, with an old college buddy. Before I walked into the bar I stopped to call her. I told her I’d let her know when anything happened.

“Hello?” Her voice came through the phone soft and sleepy. I must’ve woken her up.

“Alayna, This is Detective Marshall.” I heard something shift in the background and her voice was more clear when she spoke.

“Detective, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon,” she said, I smiled softly.

“Yeah, well, the prosecutor is an old friend. I’m arresting him. He’ll be in custody soon. I thought you’d like to know.”

“Thank you,” Her voice was weak but I understood the sentiment. “I appreciate you calling. I guess. I’ll see you when I’m needed.” She added.

“You did an amazing job today, leave the rest up to me,” I soothed. I heard her sigh softly.

“Goodbye walter.” I could tell she was smiling.

“Goodbye Alayna.” I hung up the phone and walked into the bar. This piece of shit had no idea what was coming. His friend saw me first. He offered me a shot. When I turned him down, that's when he turned. I knew it was him. I recognized the pictures we’d found online for reference. But apart from that. She had described him so vividly. I would be able to recognize him anywhere. “Justin Veach?” I asked blankly, clearly unimpressed by their little charade.

“Yup,” He replied. “Since ‘89! How can I help you?” He asked smuggly, I didn’t give him a response. I pulled the cuffs from my belt.

“You’re under arrest for the rape and assault of Alayna Doyle.” I dragged him up by his arm slapping the cuff on one wrist. “You have the right to an attorney. Anything you say or do can be held against you in a court of law.” I continued reading him his rights as his friend followed us out of the building shouting not to say anything. And informing me that he went to law school. The officer that had followed me led Justin to the back of his car. His friend continued to shout but I ignored him. I nodded to the other officer, getting back in my truck and leading him back to the station. Now it was time for the fun part. Keeping my promise to Alayna. And to Casey. I had to get his confession. It was the only way to convince a judge to take the case. And now that he’s been accused. It was the only way I could assure Alayna I could protect her. Everything’s riding on this. Casey told me I was a good cop. I’d like to think that. But men like him… Will never get to see that side of me. It’s showtime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you all for your support on this! I intend for part 3 to have a much quicker update! Thanks for you patience and love y’all ❤️🥰

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[undercoverpena]

v. a new day

javier peña x dea! f!reader | chapter five of nowhere to run

Summary: Determined to do it better this time, Javier Peña returns to Bogotá to take down the Cali Cartel. With a new promotion, office and team, what he doesn’t expect is the pretty thing outside his office—or why they’re not allowed in the field. chapter warnings: season three narcos spoilers. no use of y/n. smut. oral sex (man receiving), angst. bit of emotions are coming outttttt. Wordcount: 6.3k AN: apologies for the lateness, my personal life has just been throwing things at me and I didn't want the emotions to bleed in when i was editing. also, if there's errors, i'm so sorry, i have had no sleep. pls forgive me. as always, huge thank you to @yeyinde who allows me to ramble continuously and to @guyfieriii who is on her way to get me a magazine and send it to me. I adore you both.

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“I can’t believe you caught him?”

“Me neither.”

You lean back, eyes wide, twisting the cord around your finger.

“I did call you—last night. After we’d seen him. Rang your place, work...”

Swallowing, you smile. “I, um—“ 

Looking up as Peña steps out of his office, sliding his tie through the loop, eyes staring over you. Drinking you in. Making every part of you burn up under his gaze. 

“—had a date.”

“Oh. How did it go?”

Biting your lip, you watch him. How his brows furrowed, letting your eyes descend down before noticing his tie. How it sat off-centre—all threaded in a rush. 

You suspect he’s been ordered to attend a meeting. One likely about the day's events, one with a lot of Colombians, officials and higher-ups. So, you gesture. 

The corners of your lips slightly rise, watching his smile slowly grow.

“It was good. Nice.”

Van Ness snorts. “You going to see them aga—actually, fuck this, I don’t think I wanna hear anymore.”

“Wasn’t about to tell you, Van Ness. Hey—I have to go, please be safe.”

“Always am.”

“Says the man catching Narcos—anyway, Stoddard is here, speak soon.” 

“He best not be making you drinks…”

“Promise he isn’t.” 

You place the phone down, standing up as Peña comes to a halt barely an inch away from you. 

“That my name now? Stoddard.”

“Well, you’re struggling to sort your own tie, does seem a Stoddard thing to do, sir.”

He twitches his fingers at his side. Has been doing so since he guided Gilberto out to the flashing lights and clicks of cameras.

The significance of what they’d done—what he had done—crashed into him. Not knocking him off his feet, not even knocking him off his axis. But it kickstarted something.

It truthfully only slid over him when he slid into the seat of a car. 

They’d done it. Proved that surrender wasn’t the only option—that they could be caught. Because they had caught one of them. The ones they all said were untouchable. Right in his fucking home, hiding away. 

A new lease of life spreads as Javi swallows. A thrum of energy, one which has been missing since before he was sent back to the States, rippling through him as though it had never gone. Disturbing the regret he’d been feeling since… 

They’d done it. The thought rolls around, his finger occasionally stroking his bottom lip—sometimes pinching his thigh as the streets flash past the window. Doing so even as his knee hits the door, needing to, just to be certain he’s awake, and not dreaming. 

The truth it’s all a reality weaves into his muscles, the adrenaline bursting into his bloodstream—beautifully blending with the newly rejuvenated oxygenated cells that swim to his heart.  

He knows there's a shitstorm waiting for him at the embassy. For what he’d done—but, then, they hadn’t really wanted him here for the accolades.

Stechner hadn’t vouched for him because he’d been a rule-follower. More someone to blame, to use.

And now, he’d shown them the sheer proof that it could be done—the surrender could be nil and void. They could get more.

That’s what he’d thought as he had hammered his knuckles into Martinez’s door, pulling on a string marked ‘do not touch’. Hoping he’d be forthcoming—that he’d trust him to work alongside him. 

Javi hadn’t been sure if a speech on how much he wanted to do right would make up for what had already transpired. Less excuses spoken, and more acknowledged errors that he’d been determined—foolishly so. Blinded and only seeing through tunnel vision. Focused on the wrong thing; determined, but for what? None of it became clear even when he’d sat in his childhood home—or stood out in the field. The more he looked for answers, the less weight his reasonings had—the fewer excuses he could grasp at why he’d let things poison and ruin. 

In the end, he was grateful he hadn’t needed to spout any of that. The sheer opportunity that Javi had brought it to him, had been enough. 

Not sure any of his truthful ramblings would have made sense, anyway.

It was a true second chance. A hope which had been living in some recess, brushed off and placed front and centre at his feet. His hand outstretched, watching as Martinez shook his—a truce, of some sort, a promise. Maybe, in the smallest way, an element of forgiveness—not that Javi would allow it. It didn’t mean he’d squander or wreck it either, using it to stand a little taller and ensure his shoulders were a little more square. 

It’s why he takes a moment when the car pulls up outside the building. Sitting, spreading his palms in long strokes over his thighs. Catching his breath. 

He can already feel how things have changed. Already knows there will be faces turning when he steps inside, the burden of it meeting his shoulders again. Having temporarily moved it, placed it on the floor while he focused on what needed to be done. Now, the music was playing, and the true heaviness of what a second chance meant began to rest on his bones. The true power of doing good didn't just provide accolades, but gifted in moon-eyed agents and hopefulness he felt guilty squashing. 

It begins when he steps down the embassy stairs, bodies stopping, turning. His cheeks warming, ears burning as they murmur and mutter. Focusing on it, while another part blindly wants to ignore it as he enters the office. It’s why the first clap doesn’t register. 

It takes a moment, the applause slowly raining around him, covering him. Layering in thick noise that soaks into his skin and makes him feel cold, rather than joyous. 

The worst thing is, deep down, he knows there’s an old version of him who would have smirked at all of this. Who’d have relished in it. Likely lifted his chin, and shook each hand—man or woman—rather than sinking his chin to his chest like he’s currently doing. Trying to shy from it, get through them all as they begin to move closer, ready to congratulate him—shake his hand. 

A part of him knows he should be glad. Should be proud he has somewhat earned the notoriety he walks around with now. A slither of it, anyway. 

Finding Stoddard’s hand, he’s the only one he shakes. Not sure what to do with the rest of his body as he lets his eyes move across the room, seeing the closing circle of those wanting to thank him, celebrate and pat him on the back. But, his eyes land only on the pair which pulls him to shore. 

Yours.

The one person not clapping—leaning against your desk, head tilted to the side, doing your trademark smirk. The one Javi likes to think is just for him because he pulls it from you so frequently. The one which hits your eyes and shines like the sun on a cloudless day and warms him, even if he keeps trying not to let it. 

His heart sinks, just a touch. It’s still floating on the surface of the day and is the only explanation for why it doesn’t fall to his feet. Because as he lets his eyes fall over you he realises it’s the first opportunity he’s had to think of you. To allow himself to think of you. 

How he hadn’t had a chance to make sure you got home okay. The last sight of you had been in his office, lips swollen, eyes shimmering with post-lust bliss and your clothes a little off-pristine. Your hand on his wrist, sliding circles into his pulse—all thought-out and considered. You’re gonna get him, Javi. Your teeth chewed the skin of your lip as the words washed over him, a nervousness to you he rarely ever noticed—a slight discomfort in your forced expression.

But he hadn’t asked. 

Swallowing, he releases the hand in his.  

“–Where you going? C’mon, we want to toast you…”

Hearing Stoddard, but watching you. “Start without me.”

He never questioned the tight expression when you released his wrist, his hand grabbing at things from his desk—all set to walk out, to leave. Be safe, Javi. 

It echoes through his ears as he crosses the room, watching as you take a deep breath as the gap between the two of you closes. 

Javi could let himself feel it now—the spark and the concern. Could question it—let it fill him. He could find the words to ask why Cali undoes a part of you, why you always place one particular type of mask up when it's mentioned—when someone goes. Unpicking it all, seeing it all as though someone was showing it to him all on video. 

Having been so laser-focused before, he’d missed it. Placed them all to the side, noticing the other things—the ones inflicted by others' words and actions, and not the looming one hovering over you as you worked.

Something had happened to you in Cali. Something that was left from the reports. 

He tucks you away, hides you—keeps you purely for the times he can spare a second to truly think and consider you. Sometimes, it’s in the quiet—in the calm. A welcomed retreat, a safe haven. A person who populates a carved space in his mind, one you had barely needed to hack at to make. Because, in truth, he made it for you, found a place that he could store you in for when he felt safe enough to let you out, and he wasn’t sure what that meant. 

Now just watching in slow motion as you try to hide what he assumes is relief. 

It’s a gift, how you keep people out. One he would admire if he wasn’t on the other side of it and wasn’t able to recognise how quickly and smoothly you were able to slide up the veil which isn’t breachable. While he doesn’t know what monsters live in your wardrobe or which ghosts haunt you, he knows there’s a reason why you can’t tell him too. 

A reason why you talk in riddles whenever bureaucracy is mentioned. 

A discomfort which ebbs and flows, but never truly meets the two of you, even if it tries to. It did so before he fucked you on his desk. A look so similar to the one you gave him in his office, all soft eyes he wasn’t sure if he could ever earn deserving.

He knows people consider you to be a storm. A restless bundle of anger and lightning—thunder rumbling with every step of your heel.

But, as he comes to a stop in front of you, Javi realises he hadn't seen you like that, not since the first day when you'd tried to convince him you were. Not even as you slide around your desk, using the wooden furniture as a barrier between the two of you. 

Ironic, really. When the two of you used one similar as a surface for relief, hours and hours ago. 

Javi thinks you’re something more akin to a rain cloud—all set to burst and let whatever it is you hold close fall like raindrops. Maybe they’d be acidic, maybe they’d burn those unfortunate to be underneath, but he’d only care for the relief on your face. 

The one he’s sure is hiding behind the smile he’s being presented with. 

“Congratulations, sir.” 

He slides his shades from his shirt, nodding at you. Thanking you. 

Continuing, you clear your throat, “I think the Ambassador would like to see you.” 

You let your words wash over him, before dropping your hand close to your mug, slowly pushing it toward him. A gesture, a bold one in a sea of eyes. 

Voice dropping, you flick your eyes up to his, “You can have one sip.”

“And, if I take one more, cariño?” 

Your lips scrunch, a real smile—all teeth and lines in your cheek—so desperate to break out. “You wouldn’t want to know, sir.” 

Each time he swallows, he tastes your coffee. 

Desperate to find a mug, to enjoy one more sip in some silence—even light up a cigarette, if he could be spared. But, it’s one thing, then another. Almost feeling the flutter of anxiety and adrenaline merging into something unheard of. 

From the meeting to the note in his file, right to the press conference he had needed to lead. 

As soon as it ended, he was led to the staircase—practically shoved off. His feet all heavy, legs like lead as he steps down, ready to hide in his office and release many heavy, simmering breaths.

That had been his plan. His only focus—until he finds you waiting.

Then he thinks of the file room, his place, his desk…

It knots all inside of him—that thrum of disbelief that blends so disastrously with the sudden acknowledgement he doesn’t deserve you. Something he thinks a lot, yet is finding it harder to fight off under tiredness and waning adrenaline. 

It isn’t just whatever it is between you—the fun, non-committal thing neither of you are likely to acknowledge—but your mere attendance in his life. 

The way you make things brighter, shine something that makes the edges a bit more colourful and meaningful. Not quite ready to allow it closer to the centre, to let it touch the parts of him still tainted in darkness and regret. He doesn’t think even your shine can do that alone. 

Wiping a hand over his face, he moves towards you. Absently wondering when you’ve snuck in, having not seen you arrive or between his meeting finishing and arriving here. He’d looked for you, met Stoddard’s eyes and nodded for him to come.

Yet, here you are, shaking someone’s hand as Javi moves past another person, noticing that you’ve removed your jacket, so that he can see the outlines of your bra straps through the back of your blouse. He spots the clipboard pressed to your chest, hand wrapped around another mug—one he soon realises is the one you always give him. 

It diminishes, the part of him which wants to protect you from him. From the disappointment he tends to bring and the fact he’s so thoughtless. That even under your occasional frostiness and many secrets, you’re kind… sweet. 

It’s why he should blink, and turn away—not that he can tear his eyes away enough to solidify his thought of walking away. Your presence practically demands his attention, even if you’re talking to someone else. Your leg crossed in front of the other, a white pen tucked away behind your ear and hearing, as he moves closer, the Spanish flowing from your tongue. It’s crisp, and clear—rolling beautifully to his ear as the conversation nears an end. The man’s hand in yours, another placed on your arm—squeezing—bidding you farewell.

Something unfurls, and stretches its legs inside of him. Only settling when the man’s hand leaves your arm, leaves the close proximity and is walking away. 

“You making friends?” 

Shrugging, you smirk. “Apparently so. You looked good by the way.” 

“I did?”

Nodding, you hand him the mug. “Yeah. Like you were supposed to be up there. You know, before you get into your head, it should have been someone else.”

He nods, taking a sip, wincing at the strong taste of alcohol—frowning at you as you smile wistfully. 

“Thought you could do with something stronger. Also, you doing the conference is smart, I like it—takes the heat off Chris and Dan.” 

He nods again, taking another sip. More prepared this time to coat his throat in amber, staring, wondering how you managed to sneak a mug of bourbon to him. Not that he should be surprised. You seemed to manage to do a lot, keep things turning, keep things organised. 

“So, sir. How do you plan on celebrating?”

He takes a long drag, raising his brows that hopefully says, I think you already know, and from the smirk, you shoot him back, you do. The two of you fall into a walk, one where your strides match, where your eyes can be on the other but not walk into a thing or soul. Not speaking, not for a minute, your eyes taking him in—raking over him, assessing him for something (or nothing) he can’t be sure. 

“Are you waiting for an invite for that or…”

Shrugging, he watches you take the mug back as he narrows his eyes. “Never been one to wait to be asked to be somewhere, cariño.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me,” you comment, sliding closer as you press the button for the elevator. “So, what? You want to take me home and fuck the day away?” 

He looks at you, flicking from your eyes to your lips. Watching as you swipe the tip of your tongue against your lower lip. Your body heat is almost smothering his skin—even through his shirt and jacket. “If I ever say no to doing that, cariño. I’ve got brain damage.”

Smirking, you nudge him, the ding of the elevator's arrival making you step back. “If we have a choice, I choose yours. It's fancier.” 

“I don't know, I bet you have candles and decorative pillows.” 

“That what makes a place fancy in your eyes? The amount of candles someone has.”

“I have no candles.”

Snorting, you shake your head as he presses the button for your floor. 

As the doors close, he glances at you, how your expression is fixed on the metal doors. 

“I’m glad you came back, Peña.”

He hears it, and conjures another set of words. Ones he heard, ones he had been meaning to acknowledge—until the phone rang. Until life hurtled a thousand things, and then he was flying to Cali. 

Javi… I was worried. I was worried about you.

You turn your head, flicking your eyes over him. “Another night, I’d show you how unfancy my place is. Tonight, though…”

He knows. Knew even before the teasing had begun about his place or yours. His thumb strokes over his middle and index finger as he chews his cheek. 

“Plus, someone must have come in and knocked all your files on the floor,” you say, a lightness to your tone, “Left your office in a right mess.” 

The doors pinged open, only able to watch as you step out—not waiting for him, just leaving him behind, chewing his smirk.

The moment Martinez left his office, he just remained sat on the edge of his desk.

It had taken longer than it should to sink in. The power people had, the corruption, how it bled and rotted in every corner of the place. The enormity of it all, how without his sacrifice and him handing his notice in, it would have all been undone.

Martinez was the good one. The one who hadn't toed the line, hadn't stepped into the grey, hadn't even been selfish. Not like him.

He drained the glass, finished his cigarette—staring at a patch on the floor until his fingers wrapped around the edge, feeling marks along the wood. For a solid minute, he traces them, feels the lines, the deepness to them, until his mind wonders if they’re from you.

No, Javi. Just you. Only you. 

It’s instant, the way he darts to his bottom drawer, rummaging through until he retrieves the file—the one marked with your name. The one he’d sourced before, now paying attention to the parts he had ignored then. 

From the look on your face, you’re as surprised to see him, as he is that he knocked. A wine glass in hand, the red of it sloshing from side to side as he observes you process his arrival. That he even got out of the car. 

“You… know where I live?”

He drops his hand from leaning on the door frame, wiping his mouth. “I know where you live.” 

Opening the door, you step aside—hands tugging at your cardigan to wrap it around yourself. “Some could call that stalking, sir.” 

“Y’gotta stop with the sirs.” 

“Do I?” 

You smirk—it spreads up your cheeks until it hits your eyes, before your hand pushes the door closed behind him, keeping your eyes on him. 

All he can think is how pretty you are. How beautiful you look, even if you’re all undone—nothing on your face, a baggy t-shirt and some shorts, the thickest socks on your feet. 

“Drinking alone, cariño?” 

It’s slow, how you lean against the door. Not letting the two of them head further into your place. “Some days justify it. Don’t you think?” 

He does. 

More than he wants to say—not wanting to spoil your evening. Taint your home with talks of work and bureaucracy. Things he suspects you know more than you’re likely to share. The thick lines through your file are all an indication of it.   

You take a sip, and then another. 

Adding nothing, just letting him stand there, and he half wonders if you expect him to plead his case here—or whether you’re assessing whether to eject him out of your place as quickly as you left his prior. 

Mainly, he focuses on the fact it smells like you. Floral with a hint of darkness—your decor not all that different from his, just with additional touches. Some candles, some colour—some attempt at making the place feel like a home and not somewhere to rest your head. 

It’s only in the growing silence does he hear the faint sound of music, something low, involving a guitar thrumming in the background. 

“Are you lonely, Agent Peña?” 

He places his hand in his pocket, leaning against the wall opposite you. 

“No.” 

You nod, rolling your lips. “Just in the neighbourhood then?” 

He wipes his mouth as his other hand rubs his palm against his index finger in his pocket. Suddenly unsure why he was here—why he’d found your address and come. 

Javi wasn’t lonely. Didn’t have the time to be. A sea of paperwork on his desk, the guilt weighing down on him, hearing the colonel's voice over and over—the once pleasant taste of liquor now turning bitter in the back of his throat. 

“You forget I know where you live, so I know you’ve come out of your way.”

A laugh escapes and falls from his lips as he dips his head. 

It all of a sudden catches up with him, how the day has been a range of emotions. The delicate way things had needed to happen, the thrum of adrenaline—the joy, the meeting, the conference… 

Lifting his chin, he finds you still watching him.

No smirk. No smile. All soft edges and a comforting presence—waiting. For what, he can’t be sure, but he kicks off the wall all the same. Sliding his hand from his pocket, softly wrapping it around your hip as he places his forehead against yours, walking you backwards, taking the glass from your hand and placing it down. 

He tells himself he needs a moment. A stolen one that doesn’t bleed and change into others. A break in from everything, for a second. 

It only shifts when he wraps each finger on your hip, pulling you close. He keeps your shoulder blades against the wall, the guitar strumming increasing as much as his heart is beating. It’s all rhythmic, a remix of a song he isn’t sure of—but one he is tuned into all the same. 

It takes his breath away how you look at him. How it’s harder to stop himself from falling into them, worsening as your hand cups his elbow. At first, it’s all shared breath and waiting. Neither moving, his forehead just remaining against yours.

“Are you okay?” 

It’s so soft. Barely audible if his body wasn’t pressed against you, as he shakes his head, feeling your fingers slowly sliding in gentle circles around his elbow. Cupping him, keeping him as close as his hands keep you.

“What do you need?” 

He says nothing. Afraid that saying ‘you’ is too much. Having hoped the action would speak louder than the words as he stares into you—mixing brown with yours to make a colour artists dream of. 

“Hey,” you say again. More demanding, assertive. “Javi, what do you need?” 

He doesn’t think, doesn’t attempt to. Embodies the former version of him—the one which had gone to the Colonel’s home, to begin with—the one who takes and takes and takes. 

“You drunk, baby?”

He hears you swallow, before slowly shaking your head. 

“Good,” he whispers.

Closing his eyes, he lifts his forehead before dipping his head, his mouth captures yours. Javi merges the taste of sweet wine, whiskey and his cigarettes together, creating a taste so intoxicating and delicious he’s not sure he ever wants to come up for air. 

Just need you, he thinks as his tongue slips past your parted lips. 

Only want you, he urges as he feels your other hand sliding around his neck, deepening the kiss, his tongue able to taste that small whimper you do when he squeezes your hip. 

It’s different—but then each time he kisses you is. It has been needy, and passionate. Another, it has been soft, almost meaningful. Now, this time, he’s able to feel how warmth consumes him as you kiss him more purposefully. He deepens it in search of more, kissing you more hungrily, full of need and want.

It’s only when he feels your hand skate over the back of his neck, fingers teasing the bottom of his hair, does he slow. In time, pulling back, pressing his forehead against yours—bruising your hip with his fingers as he takes a few deep breaths. 

“Whatever it is…” 

“We can’t fix it, cariño.” 

It’s cold—the way he says it. Wishing he could retract it the moment he sees your brows scrunch. Instead, he shows no sign of letting up his grip on you. Hoping it’s enough to wordlessly explain that he needs you close, wants you—in fact. Needed to just be around you. Even if he shouldn’t, couldn’t… 

He presses two fingers to the side of your cheek, curling them. Your mouth parts, words—likely reassuring ones, knowing what he knows about you—are all desperate to fall and heal over the cracks. But, he shakes his head, watching your lips close as quickly as they had opened, your fingers continuing to draw shapes at the base of his hairline, studying him—searching his eyes.

Then, like a light in a dark room, understanding spreads across your gaze. Illuminating everything, likely connecting the dots in that beautiful—but deeply fascinating—way you do.

“Martinez…”

“Cariño… not, not right now.”

Slowly, you smile, spreading your fingers in his hair—tugging on him, pulling him with far too much ease until his forehead presses back against yours. 

“You did this… before.”

A breath escapes his lips. “Yeah…” 

“Why’d you come, Javi?”

I needed you.

It wasn’t a lie. If anything, it was more truthful than he cared to admit or accept. Which is why he didn’t say it—didn’t let on that the moment the walls began to tremble, he thought of you. Looked through the blinds, bitterly disappointed you weren’t there to be witty and sarcastic, smirk in that way that gets under his skin and make some flirtatious comment that makes it hard not to kiss you.

He could tell you that. Be honest. 

Instead, he says nothing, staring into your eyes until he feels your other hand, the one which has been continuing to grip his elbow, squeeze. 

“Okay. Lemme look after you,” you whisper, before kissing him.

Brushing your lips against him, before pulling away and then kissing him again. Testing the waters, looking for some form of permission as he grips your hips, giving it to you. He doesn’t protest when you begin trailing kisses down his jaw. Your fingers sliding around his arm, to his waist, to the belt holding his trousers up. 

Holding the base of your neck, he stares into your eyes, feeling your palm brush suddenly over his cock. “You don’t have to, car—“

“Shh,” you whisper. 

Slowly, he watches as you lower yourself to your knees, his throat going dry at the mere sight of you. Watching as you grip his cock. All teasingly slow, dragging it out—your tongue sweeps across your bottom lip as you continue to stroke him. 

Eyes closing, he lets his head meet the wall. Needing more—almost asking for it.

It’s what you want, he assumes. Because as soon as he reaches the point where he’s going to ask, you wrap your pretty lips around him. Taking note of the way you run your tongue around the head of him before licking a stripe along the underside of his cock. Finding that your eyes don’t leave his—watching what you do to him, enjoying it. 

It’s endearing.

A desire building, suddenly wanting nothing more than to watch—how he wants an unrestricted view of such beauty—of you taking him down your throat, of your cheeks hollowing, even if your actions are compelling him to close his eyes. 

You’re always pretty—but this is something else. You are on your knees for him. 

Taking as much of him as you can, your hand working what you can't fit—his own hand tightening around your head as you wrap his cock in warmth.

He feels you smirking, your mouth pulling back as you swirl your tongue over the head of his cock, a hand grasping the back of his thigh as you hum around him. 

“So fuckin’ pretty, cariño.” 

The tip of your tongue slides over his slit, making him hiss again—making your name tumble freely from his tongue as he leans himself against the wall for leverage.  

“I know,” you whisper, tracing your lips with his slick head, “Come down my throat, Javi.” 

He grunts, nails digging into his palm as you take him down your throat. His other hand bites into your head as you take him deeper, his hips spluttering, thrusting against your tongue. 

Your eyes have closed.

The window into your need to please him vanishes, and he wants to ask you to open them. To let him see. His finger strokes the top of your cheek, feeling the dampness from a tear at how deep you’re taking him. 

How deep you want him down your throat. 

His hand aids you, fucking into you as you hollow and moan—it vibrates all around him. It covers and smothers his own grunts and groans. The one you pull from him with ease, because everything with you he is slowly learning is easy. Not complicated—even if the situation is. 

All he can think is you’re a fucking goddess, an angel—something he’s now one hundred per cent sure he doesn’t deserve. 

He hisses out your name, feeling your hands clutch at him for balance, his moans filling the hallway of your place until he’s coating your throat in his pleasure. You lap up every drop of it, swallowing it—swallowing all of what he’s given you.

You don’t move, not for a minute. Him slowly pulling himself from your mouth, your hand wiping any spend from your lips to your tongue. 

“You’re… fucking—”

“Something?”

He snorts, arranging himself before he fastens his trousers, shaking his head. His hand offers out to you, pulling you up from your knees as he adjusts your cardigan—as he places his lips against yours. 

“I didn’t… this wasn’t why I came around.”

“Why did you… come round?”

His muscles tighten, swallowing as he stares at you. 

Then you smile, placing a hand over his chest, palm flat, fingers spread. “You got anywhere to be, sir?” 

Javi is frowning, before the rest of your words sink in. His hand captures yours, holding it flat against him as he shakes his head. 

“Because you’re here, may as well let me toast you.” 

Some mornings greet him loudly—sweat clinging to his skin, head hammering, and the world chirping.

The morning, it greets him gently, softly. The sun slides through open curtains, a calmer sound of occasional passing cars greeting his ears.

It’s only then that he registers he’s waking beside you. Your warm, soft skin curled against him—his own arm holding you close, keeping you close. 

It takes a second for the sleep to flutter past his eyes, glancing at the clock on your bedside table—the one which ticks ever so loudly now he’s awake. It’s obvious the two of you have managed to catch a few hours, remembering how he’d brought you in here—thrown your decorative pillows to the floor with a smirk that you kissed immediately from his mouth.

He had told you he wouldn’t stay. 

But, here he is. Now, though, he should move—even if he’s unsure if he wants to. 

It’s never been his favourite thing, waking up outside of his own space. Never mind besides someone else. There were occasions and exceptions. He’s not prepared or currently capable of assessing whether you’ve slotted yourself there, either. 

All he knows is… he likes it, being here. 

Enjoying the fact he’s been allowed to steal a moment of this—of you. Letting himself enjoy it, the sound of your soft inhales and exhales, the way you fit against him—not in a way that looks perfect but simply feels it. 

And it scares him. Just a little bit. 

That thought returning, the one which bellows and beats the drum that you deserve better: than him, than what he can give you and the life you’d have being around him. 

Pinching his nose, he knows he should go to the office. Should begin to unravel the highs and lows of the day prior. Make a start on the paperwork that is already mounting higher than he expected. 

Instead, he turns his head. Selfishly admiring the way you sleep so peacefully, how he’d somewhat expected to find a creased forehead or a tightened jaw. A part had also expected to hear nightmares plague you, knowing there’s something there—living in your mind. A bad memory, a past which hammers at you to get out. 

He’d half expected to have his own rear its head too. 

Instead, he’s sure none had greeted the night air. 

If anything, he slept peacefully, soundly. Almost oddly, for the most consecutive hours since way before Escobar was caught. He shuffles against the pillow, eyes widening when he realises and feels your head rolling ever so slightly on his chest. The smallest of movements that had rippled out into hearing you murmur. 

Freezing, it dawns on him that he doesn’t want the bubble to burst. Studying, secretly praying he hasn’t woken you, as your lashes flutter and your lips don’t press back together. He’s a passenger, unable to stop the undoing as your brows dip, your fingers spread over his chest—

“J-Javi?” 

It’s full of sleep, his name. And fuck, it has never sounded so nice.  

He thought it bellowed or screamed as he fucked someone was good, but this… is something else. It takes a chunk from him, snatches it, and renders him thoughtless as you turn your head on his chest, looking up at him, blinking. 

“Morning,” he whispers, thumb stroking your cheek. “I’m… I should go, cariño…”

You frown, not like normal—smothered in sleepiness that it doesn’t quite form. 

A string is plucked in his chest when your fingers slide over his chest, watching them rub at your face. A desperation rises in him to kiss you, to taste what morning and goodness is like—even if it's coated in unbrushed teeth and last night. 

But, it’s his moment to move—his chance. To relieve you of his presence. 

Not that he takes it. Instead, he absorbs the moment he was robbed of the first night he took you to his—of seeing you without armour or walls. 

“If y’give me…”

“—cariño—“

“… like fifteen, maybe twenty minutes,” you say, words monotone and low as your hand slowly drops from your face to his chest. “I need… really need a shower. Then can come wit’you.” 

As soon as you sit up, cool air brushes over the places you’d been against him—goosebumps appearing over his skin as you stretch. His hand lightly grasps your forearm, keeping you from sliding out the sheets completely as he whispers your name.

Lets it slide into the air of your home, around the two of you—the room he secretly wishes could pause time so neither of you had to leave.  

Not ready to face the fallout from Martinez, the look of ‘what’s next’ on everyone’s face. Never mind the note clearly from Stechner. 

“You don’t… you don’t have to, I need…” 

His fingers move to your cheek, sliding over your jaw, only managing a half-breath as you flick your eyes to look over him—stunning him in a shade, he’s not sure truly has a name. 

“W-what?”

“Nothing,” he lies.

Following your suit, he sits up, your sheet falling to his waist as he marries his lips back to yours. Fingers finding your chin, keeping you there, stealing another moment, and another. Doing so until your hand wraps around his wrist, thumb stroking a line up and down his wrist. 

“I need a shower…”

He snorts. “You don’t have to come with me.” 

“I’m normally in an hour or two later anyway—plus…”

“Plus?”

Your lips slide, less of a smirk but more than a smile. “I have to come and ensure you don’t fuck with my organisational system. No other reason.” 

“Not one?”

“No.”

He tuts. “I can keep things organised.” 

You scoff, light and airy. “Peña, you’ve been here five minutes, and your desk already looks like it’s amassed ten years of files, so—I’m gonna call bullshit. Respectfully.” 

“Respectfully?”

“Yes.” 

He allows a laugh to escape, light and airy, it falling from him with far too much ease. Pulled from some depths he hasn’t allowed himself to explore. 

Sliding from him, you stand, grasping at a t-shirt that begins to mist over your body—hiding your skin, your curves and the marks he’s left from view. 

“I… I should say, I don’t mind that you showed up at my place, Javi.”

He traces his mouth with his thumb, looking at you. “Javi, huh?”

You smile, rolling your lips as you sigh. “You wore me down.” 

“Go shower, I’ll wait for you.”

Pausing at the door frame, you glance at him, half your body framed in shadow and the other in the morning light. He’s not sure he’s ever seen someone look more beautiful in the earliest hours of a new day.

chapter six ->

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for faking orgasms?

This might come as a shock given the title but I'm a man, and so is my boyfriend. However I'm much more sexually experienced than him, as in I'm his first sexual/romantic partner meanwhile I've had sex with at least 30 different guys before. I also generally have a more consistent libido, and I'm desensitized down there to a degree, AND I also often get stuck in my own head due to certain neuroses and ocd and whatnot -- all this to say, it's REALLY hard for me to reach a real climax with another person.

And my bf is aware of this. I've told him many times. I've also reassured him (truthfully!) that partially due to this, an orgasm is not the end-all-be-all of sex for me, and that I can absolutely enjoy myself without "finishing." And if he still feels bad, I will not only take a backrub or something essentially as a replacement for him making me finish, but I in fact often prefer it. I promise I've tried everything; this is not a communication issue.

But. Basically no matter what I say or do, he just doesn't believe me. Or he isn't capable of accepting it, idk. He's insistent that it makes him bad at sex and it means he couldn't please me if I don't come... all the while that he almost never actually takes initiative to do any dominant role? So tbqh he's not totally wrong about that self-assessment but it's still ridiculous bc he doesn't even know WHY? Anyway.

Telling him things that he could do to ever make it better doesn't really work either, because the moment I "criticize" him during sex, even if it's just telling him to move his legs into a different position, he often takes it incredibly personally and just stops wanting to have sex altogether bc he's suddenly not in the mood. And if it's after he's finished, he's basically conked out. He never has any energy by that point except to more or less demand that I come, as nowadays he counts my capacity to jerk off afterwards as something evident of his "ability to please me," I guess. By that point, I'm still just jerking off by myself while he plays on his phone or falls asleep next to me, which I hate and find a huge turn-off and have expressed multiple times that it's at least "weird" and "funny" to do so. But he keeps doing it.

Inb4 the most likely majority response to a lot of this: I'm aware that we're clearly not that sexually compatible. But leaving the relationship is not an option even if I wanted to. The routine of us having sex is, regardless of exactly how satisfying it is, essentially necessary to our mutual happiness.

Now that that's out of the way, here's the real meat: I've decided relatively recently to just... pretend to come. I can often get to a sort of mini-orgasm long before a real one is on the horizon and I just kind of exaggerate that. It really turns him on, and it gets rid of any of the tension that would otherwise be there once we're both done, and I'm able to either fall asleep or otherwise move on in peace.

Now obviously, this is lying, and I don't like having to lie, and also if he ever realizes that I fake them then he's gonna feel even worse than when I outright say I didn't come. But clearly it's also causing strife to be truthful, and it's also not that hard to fake it. Whatever I communicate to him is at best forgotten - and it most likely *is* genuine, innocent forgetfulness bc he has severe ADHD. I'd likely never know if it happened that he is straight up ignoring what I say. In any case it's to a level that it just seems like my only solution is to fake it.

Does he have a right to know if I haven't actually come? AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[sadnightforus]

[2:20 PM] It’s 5:32 pm, or at least, the time that you last checked to be. You both are standing by the riverside, listening to music as you’re sharing an AirPod on each side of the ear. 

 If you’re asking yourself why you find yourself at this exact moment, it’s because you and him are the best of friends. But everybody and their families seem to be completely convinced that you and Hong Seunghan have something going on. 

 They’re not wrong for speculating about it. You are convinced that you both feel something for each other, but however, neither you or him are able to bring up the secret feelings for each other without ruining the good friendship you both shared. Worse, what if he doesn’t like you back and everything he has done for you was just coming from a place of genuine kindness that views you in nothing but in a friend way? 

“This song’s good.” He comments. You nod along because it’s your first time hearing it and the drums already catch your attention. 

 Truthfully, you’d argue that the song is better than just being good, no, it’s a masterpiece. The Melodies evoke a steady emotion, the one that makes you explode with happiness when you’re thinking about him. 

“Is it your first time hearing this song too?” He questions, seeing how quiet you are when you’re trying to observe something. 

“Yes. I like it.” You say, trying to avoid direct eye contact with him because you know that you’ll lose yourself to him if you dare losing yourself into the gigantic world that shines so brightly in his gaze. 

 You observe his beautiful face and you think about how odd it is that if you tell your younger self that you’ll grow up to like your male best friend, you’d laugh at yourself while also coaching on why falling for your best friend is not an ideal situation and would most likely cause heartbreak. But you’ve never been good with following the rules, all that you know is that you like to follow your heart. 

 Then you turn to look at the river, then at the bridge where lines of cars keep driving past the both of you. The soft rhythm of the wind blows discoordinate his hair just a bit and you almost lose your breathe at how magical he looks at this very moment as you both share an AirPod. 

“The static and the noise, 

You got my attention

You make me wanna….

Live like it’s the last moon rising

Scream just like no one’s there

Lose all of my defenses 

Hold you, touch you, love you like it’s 

A very last moment in time.” 

 You’re stunned. 

 What was that?

 You turn to look at him, eyes wide in confusion as his face mirrors yours, but his expression was more panicked and anxious if anything else. 

“Did you pick that song on purpose?” You question, find yourself troubled when confronted with such a situation. 

 Although you wish that it’s not just a pure coincidence that the song includes such lyrics, you still think it’s almost impossible that he’d reciprocate your affection and it’s not just a one sided longing coming from you. 

“Would it be a lie if I said no?” He speaks slowly, his eyes now hold so much hope and love behind it. 

 It clears all of your doubts from earlier, as how serious he needs your love, just as much as you need his. You proceed with the next question, not daring to speak as loud as you once were. 

“Do you mean what you said?” 

“Yes, I do.” He answers more clearly, remaining in eye contact. Which almost makes you more self conscious and you wonder how blind you had been to sweep off his sweet actions as just things that friends do. 

“For how long have you been feeling like that?” 

“It’s been 6 years now, I think.” 

 He likes you for that long?

 It’s unbelievable that he takes an interest in you as a person, romantically for a long time. You only stopped denying your feelings for him just 2 years ago and you spent years denying and self-rejecting from the growing feelings for him for how long, ever since you both became friends 8 years ago. But all those times that you were trying to stop yourself from looking at him in more than just a friendly way, he was pining after you?  

 Your head spins and you feel like you’re suddenly so dizzy. You’re about to cry and you want to ground yourself the high you’ve experienced. 

“You like me too, right? Please tell me that I’m not reading the signs wrong.” He whispers out so quietly, you almost didn’t catch it if not for the closeness you both share. 

“You’re not.” You shake your head in disagreement. He takes a big breath, you can sense he’s anxious as the next word escapes his lips.

“I love you, Y/N.” And you look up as you’re smiling, letting the tears fall from happiness as you copy his words.

“I love you too, Seunghan.”

You let your tears slip as you bury your face into his chest. The music is long forgotten even though it’s still playing in your ear. 

 As the sun begins to set, the music still hums in both of you guys’ ears without both of you wanting to pause it. The beautiful scenery is there to cheer you onto the next step you’re taking with him.

 And in that moment, there is nothing that reflects his eyes or yours brighter than the love and affection that each of you burn yourself with for each other.

COPYRIGHTED BY SADNIGHTFORUS, 2023

A/N: A very last moment in time by lindsay lohan inspired this. and omg it’s 954, I’m losing it fr

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

[theviewfrmhere]

Sharing food with the second years

GN!Reader, SFW, exactly what it says on the tin. Short read that can be interpreted as romantic or platonic 🥀 word count: ~1.9K

Edit: Some words were removed to keep it fun and light hearted! Also, serious edits made for clarity

݀He’s not a picky eater, but he does skip around the plate to find the pieces he wants. It’s a bit annoying, but he’ll laugh at you if you try to bring it up. He tells you to keep your eyes on your own plate despite you guys technically sharing the one. He laughs at how greedy you sound “Crying over the biggest nacho.” He would ultimately give the baby it’s bottle and shove the most loaded nacho in your face.

݀His hands are gruff from his work, so you might have to remind him to wash them before going in. He’s not dirty, but his standard for what he’s willing to eat with differs from your own. He would be mortified the first time you mention it, embarrassed deeply to the bone. You wouldn’t have to say anything again. 

...

݀He would bring you things he finds and hears about through his friends. Despite his friends thinking that he's cheap. It’s always something new with him. He doesn’t hold back on treats for you. Truthfully it’s because they’re for him, but why not look a little altruistic in the process?

݀It may have already been established, but it can’t be overstated that he’s not great at sharing. He will eat off your plate without asking. He’s not subtle about what he wants, which just may be what you’re eating instead of his own dinner. He considers you two close enough to just grab things from one another, despite how it may appear to others seated with you. Fret not, if you want something from his plate, you won’t have to ask. He’s already reaching over to you, hand cupped under his fork, a low hm, to get your attention. He wants you to try it too. If it’s good then it’s good, but he wants to know your opinion on it too.

݀Perhaps too close, he’s willing to eat and drink directly after you. There’s no teasing him about an indirect kiss, that’s just playground teasing. If he wanted the real thing, a direct kiss from him to you, he would go for it. To him, sharing a cup or a water bottle is nothing like a kiss. He would know.

݀He’s always thinking about you, always finding things to share with you. If he hears a song you might like, he tries to remember the melody to “sing” it to you later. It doesn't occur to him to write it down and play it for you. Similarly, If he finds a snack you might like, or especially one you might hate, he doesn’t hesitate to buy it. It's about sharing an experience with you.

݀He’s absolutely bringing something for your little boy Grim. He loves that Grim is an adventurous eater like himself, he even considers him a little brother in that regard. Despite your protest that he shouldn’t eat table scraps, since there’s no telling how it might affect him, he’ll sneak Grim something from the table anyway- Probably from your plate if we’re being honest.

>> Floyd L., Ruggie B.

݀He wouldn’t pre-portion how much he takes, but he would consider how much he goes for. Initially, he would try not to eat more than you to avoid coming off slovenly. However, the more intimate your relationship grows, the less he constrains himself. You’ll often find him joking about how much faster he can eat than you. “You’ve got to pick the pace, there won't be any left by the time you’re done, prefect.” It’s all jokes.

݀If you bring something to share with him, he’ll eat it since he’s not a picky eater. Even if he’s used to better, especially if he’s as a cook himself, he’ll still enjoy whatever you give him. If you’re not sensitive about your cooking or your gifts, he’ll probably tease you about it too. He’ll tread lightly here, nothing too mean. He has to do this to avoid becoming too mushy. He would feel a genuine shyness within him if someone brought him something they personally made to share with him. Joking about it helps him continue the conversation, otherwise he would just roll up into a ball and scream. When he starts to feel shy, he finds It difficult to talk.

݀He would bring you something to share during a club meeting. Sneaking away at his break, regardless of how short it is, he’ll find you and casually offer you some. Expect days hidden from the sun, shaded by trees or others, between you is the container he brought. He talks endlessly about the importance of fueling your body, despite being usually pretty quiet. 

݀He unconsciously pushes food onto your plate if he thinks you need to eat more. In their culture, like many, sharing food is a simple way to affirm someone. It’s difficult to say, “I want you here,” or, “I value us.” The compromise they come to is simple, yet effective, “Please, eat.” He communicates it with his eyes as well as his actions.

݀He’s constantly trying to gauge your reaction to your meal. If you didn’t like it, he would encourage you to finish it, taking exaggerated bites from your plate like a kid to coax you into giving it another go. However, he would make mental note to not serve it to you again, at least without alterations. 

݀They will pick from your food as if it were their own, but it’s not one sided. You can pick from his food too. Dining with him is guarding your plate from his fork. You’ll have to remind him that there’s a fine line between sharing and swapping, and he’s constantly veering towards swapping.

݀They encourage you to bring things home to Grim as well. Although he personally thinks of Grim as a pet, and he doesn’t necessarily agree with pets dining with people, Grim is slowly growing on him. He might even pack away something specifically for him. When a tuna dish is snuck into your bag, don’t mention it. 

>> Jamil V., Silver

݀He has a lot of thoughts about himself and the food that he consumes so he may initially be hesitant to share food or to be viewed eating. There’s something so vulnerable about having someone else see you eat, I suppose. He likely counts calories in his head, even if you asked him to hold back. 

݀He would insist on something healthy or nutritious to make up for the sin of snacking in the first place. Through gentle encouragement, they eventually think less about it as they go along. With enough conditioning, you might even find that they’re the ones who initiate snacking.

݀Because he thinks of snacking as an entirely too intimate thing, it would melt his heart if you suggested it. If you bring a snack to where he works, he would be delighted. He would have to go against his internal programming that forbade it, but it would be worth it to further a relationship with him.

݀He has grand meals in important company more often than the usual person. In these instances, eating from his plate, even as established close friends, would not be advised. If you do find the right moments to do it, it would make him come off as more family and friend orientated rather than a strict businessman. It’s fine in casual company, he would remind you before the dinner, But we need to maintain an air of formality. 

݀The best time to catch him is when he’s not paying attention, you can feed him practically anything then. When his head is buried in a book or the newspaper, he’ll lean back at your call, accepting whatever it is you want to pop in his mouth. If it’s something he likes, but knows he shouldn’t have, he’ll chalk it up to your doing. Afterall, you know him like that back of your hand, right? You should know what’s best for him. 

݀He would try to bring you foods to brighten your day and fill in any gaps that he can identify in your diet. The more problematic dieting aside, he’s right about needing carbs for energy, fiber to feel full, and fats for brain function. He tries to sneak these things into your diet, but he doesn’t want to come off as overbearing. He’ll buy you things from organic markets to subtly replace your more unsavory dietary choices. “Did you know that these are just as good, but half as much sugar?” It comes from a place of good intention, and he would never outright tell you not to eat something. It’s give and take, and he finds that giving you what he wants you to eat is much more humane than taking what he doesn’t.

>> Riddle R., Azul A.

݀He will eat a lot, definitely more than you, and that’s fine! Although you wouldn’t expect it, he’s a big eater, and sharing food with him is an unspoken battle of dominance. He also eats faster than you but will back off if you tell him to. To accommodate his appetite, you find that snacking with him is more like eating an entire meal. It’s multifaceted, with something different to satiate his different tastes. While you’re opening the container he placed down near you, he’s opening a pack of salted peanuts to get ready for it. “You didn’t know? This stuff is only good if you mix it with something salty.” 

݀Besides the expensive pairings, he treats it like a regular meal. He’ll have the next course ready before you finish the one you two are currently sharing. He’ll wipe his hands clean of it, moving on to something sweet as if it was a four course meal.

݀Because of his habits, don't expect to snack on the go. You two will need to find the time to eat together, probably at breaks, or after classes.

݀Everything he brings you Is good, if it’s not expensive and organic, then it’s painstakingly made with care by himself or others. If you really like something he shares with you, then expect to always have it. When you visit his dorm, he keeps it for you, put aside from the other common kitchen to ensure no one else has access to it. He might be teased by his other dorm mates for it, but he’ll proudly admit that it’s for you, it’s a small way to entice you to visit more often.

݀The quality of his snacks will be better than yours, be prepared. He doesn’t ever mention it, but you would feel it. His things are professionally plated, stored in nice containers, and delicious. Your snacks are not. He would still eat them with the same fervor as if it were made by a professional. He smiles oddly wide to show you how much he enjoys it.

݀He prefers homemade, hot things to prepackaged snacks. He’ll bring you some things from his culture to enjoy, like dried dates, or special pastes and crackers. He doesn’t expect you to like them, but he sits there with baited breaths while you eat what he’s shared with you. Your reaction is paramount, it would be akin to hating him if you said so. Sharing is a part of their love language- he was raised in a generous family for whatever it’s worth. If it’s something he made, or it’s made with ingredients he foraged and cultivated, expect him to be sensitive about it. Just say you like it! 

>> Kalim A., Jade L.

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

The gilded age 02x08, In Terms of Winning and Losing, my thoughts...

Please excuse any spelling errors. My brain is sleepy so its not working too well. 😰

I'm still having feelings over last night season 2 finale. We can't say they didn't pack the episode until it nearly burst that's for sure.

I'm going start at the end because it still tickles me that Aunt Ada is now head of the Van Rhijn household. (They went omg free fall everything ending, to oh wait we're fine. One oh the fastest turn around ever). Which will now be known as Fronte household. Thank you, Mr. Bannister for pointing it out. Because truthfully I was clueless as every body else until he asked Aunt Ada if it ok. Than it all clicked... Omg Aunt Ada is now the big cheese! The look on her face was brilliant! In that moment we seen her take her power, completely imbody it. We clearly see her mind calculating on all the changes she's going to make. It one exceptional piece of acting from Cynthia Nixon. She doesn't utter a word during it, it's all in facial expressions and her body movements. It's just as powerful. She's so very talented!

Look on Aunt Agnes face made giggle as she realizes the role in her own house have reversed on her. That her little sister is now in charge. I don't mean in unkind way whatsoever. The relationship and dynamics between these two sisters have been certain ways for most likely all their lives up to this point, but now Aunt Agnes is going to have to listen to Aunt Ada in way is never did before. I personally think it's going to good for the whole household. Aunt Ada is kind and compassionate that will benefit everyone in that household especially Aunt Agnes.

I did love When Aunt Ada ask Marian if finally broke off her engagement with Dashiell, because she know he wasn't right for her. Lol it was too brilliant. I love Aunt Ada so much!!

So yes finally Marian broke off her engagement to Dashiell!! I cheered when that happened!! It's like damn woman took you long enough. But after he called her by his dead wife's name, creepy that was the last straw. No one can blame the man for still being in love with his dead wife. We all know that heart doesn't work that way, just because their no longer here doesn't make our love just stop. It's ultimately more to what Marian said, that their not well matched, they don't want the same things and their not in love with each other. I'm just glad she found her back bone and got out before it was too late.

I'm personally so happy about that kiss bewteen Marian and Larry, I was yelling kiss, kiss, kiss the whole time! I think their well matched in every way. Larry definitely be ok with Marian teaching or anything else she wants to do. Now thanks to Aunt Ada she won't come penniless to the whole thing because we know Aunt Ada won't allow that!! I'll put odds on it! Only issue as we all know may be Bertha. Perhaps not though so much with Larry, she does like Marian. We'll see... I did like the little scene bewteen Marian and Frances. I felt quite a bit of empathy for Frances, she was just a little girl looking for a mom. I'm glad Marian was able to reassure for her that she will still be very much in her life just not as her step-mother.

I'm so happy for Jack that he got his patent approved. It was such a brilliant idea of Peggy's that he go talk to Larry about it. That Larry wants to go into business with Jack on his alarm clock. Love it. It was so amazing what happen then.

Peggy deciding to leave her job at The Globe was probably the only way to deal with her feelings for her boss

I'm sad for her because she was doing something she loved. But he was just too casual about the whole cheating on my wife no doubt done more times then Peggy would of ever found out about. She deserves so much better. This also showed that she as alot of self respect, self worth, and self confidence. To not only not fall for his bs, but to walk away when she clearly had feelings but knew it was a bad situation for her. Women now a days can learn alot from her. I was also nice to see perhaps the rift bewteen Peggy and her father may be softening. That her mother and father are getting back to loving terms with each other.

I was very sad to see Mr. Watson go but to know that he'll be part of his daughter and grand children lives makes it a happy going. I'm glad his daughter let her wishes known and kinda defy he husband by going to talk to her dad.

Now the opera war. I never thought Bertha wouldn't pull it off. There's just something about that woman that scream WIN. I'm not surprised she got the Duke back, because she something or someone Mrs. Astor doesn't that alone I knew would enough to turn the Duke back to her side. That is Gladys of course. Now am I ok that's a good chance that Bertha sold Gladys into marriage with the Duke no I'm not! I love Bertha I truly do. However her own ambition I feel is an issue, it's a blinding thing, it's all consuming, it power over everything. I fear what that will do to her in future. Ambition can be good until it takes complete control of a person. Because the need to win, to be number one, to defeat those against you makes you forget about who truly loves you. I don't want to see that be the path for Bertha. Because at her core I don't believe she's her ambition. If she was she wouldn't of done the nice gesture for Mrs. Bruce by giving her the tickets to opening night of Met. Bertha does show incredible care and kindness to her staff. Which is something I truly love about her. Always the way she is with the people she's made friends with. Unlike Mrs. Astor who treats everyone like they should be kissing her ass. Bertha genuinely nice, kind, sweet and funny. So I want to her ambition hurt the rest of her, hurt her life, completely destroy her relationship with her daughter, her son and her husband. Because her ambition isn't worth losing her family that loves her. Alright enough said on that. To good stuff.

Seeing Mrs. Astor lose was brilliant! She at more than half empty Academy still trying to pretend everything's fine...while a death rattle could heard in the background. I wanted to tell Aunt Agnes and Oscar to get the fuck out of there, go with Mrs. Fish, save yourselves!!

Turner fuming was hilarious and her husband being completely over it just made all the better. I got feelings he just wanted to say to her could just sit down and shut it already damn for some peace and quiet. All day and night it's Mrs. Russell this and Mrs. Russell that. Should never marry you fuck!

I loved both Bertha and Gladys gowns. The colors were beautiful. Especially like how the colors deep green pattern against lighter green of Bertha's made her stand out in her box at Met, couldn't miss her if you wanted too. Marian gown was very cool I really liked ruching by shoulders and neck. But I think my favorite gown belonged to Aurora, blue and white and sparkly it was gorgeous. That's one I would've wanted to wear.

I so did love seeing Bertha get her moment, she was floating on air there. Especially when she walk through the doors of her central box after nearly crying because George got back for her. To the whole of the Metropolitan filled. Although the boxes where bigger then I thought they be. All I could recall was when I watched The Age of Innocent because that begins at the opera, it's very much in a similar time frame as The Gilded Age. But I like the ones at the Met better, they can call over and talk to each other like friends do. It seems less stuffy and more social and fun. One of my favorite moments was when Bertha caught sight of Mrs. Bruce and Mr. Baudin and gives them a little wave, it was so cute and endearing.

Mrs. Bruce was very cute through out being at an opera house for the first time.

I'm so sad it's the final episode of the season. All I know is HBO better renew for 3rd season!! Because it's official my favorite series, I don't want it going anywhere for a long long time!!

[amazingmsme]

I am also here to add to the EPIC: The Musical agenda!! Thank you fluff-void because you made my writing brain go brr <3 -Sheridan

Polites and Odysseus start a damn tickle war, once Odysseus’s ticklishness gets out.

It’s really cute; Polites is jumpy and giggly for however long Odysseus feels like dragging out his anticipation, which can be a while depending on how mean he’s feeling. 

He plays it completely straight too, despite the smirk tugging at the edges of his lips. 

“Why so jumpy, brother? I was merely letting you know it’s my watch!” 

“Ah, I didn’t mean to startle you, there was simply a loose thread I didn’t want to risk you getting caught on.”

He’s so smug, ugh. 

The master of playful condescension and sarcasm as he lers. 

“Oh; this tickles? I had no idea!”  

“Being as ticklish as this? You must be an anomaly even the Gods can’t figure out. Heh; that or they cursed you. Wonder what you did in a past life~? Maybe you were just too cute for your own good. I’m willing to believe it- just listen to those adorable giggles and hiccups of yours!”

No strategy a lee of his thinks up will work 9 times out of 10. He’ll typically either know the person well enough, wait them out, or get a read on their strategy and then nip it in the bud. 

Eurylochus let slip a bad spot of his only he remembered and started to hide, only appearing for his scheduled shifts, burying himself in his work. and dodging Odysseus at meal times only to get cornered in his room by an already waiting Odysseus who just grinned at him with a glint in his eyes. 

“You know, I don’t think I quite remember your worst spots nearly as well as you do mine; shall we rediscover them together?”

“Captain, we can talk about this!”

Eurylochus tries to plead his case, already feeling a grin spreading across his lips but Odysseus merely cracks his neck and starts to move towards him. 

“Oh I think you’ve already done quite enough talking for your own good, don't you?”

Eurylochus is lost to laughter after that. 

He’s the one that gets most embarrassed when tickled in public, or in front of his men. His laughter is loud, and hard to contain when he finally cracks. 

Odysseus truthfully isn’t much better embarrassment wise inwardly but his ler side tends to keep the men more in line, along with being Captain so no-one’s the wiser. 

Eurylochus is there to make sure no-one goes too far, and intervene or turn the tables for those that deserve it. cough Odysseus cough

Odysseus gets so flustered if a God shows up while he’s being wrecked. Good Lord.

He can typically hold onto some remnant of his Captain persona otherwise but he crumbles if Athena or Hermes show up, especially if either teases him, or makes a sarcastic comment or dry quip like he tends to do when he’s the ler, or Gods forbid they help? It’s all over for him.

I’M EATING THIS RIGHT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NO IDEA! They’re so fucking cute & silly, they deserve to just have some fun & chill out. This got a lil long ‘cause I’m “normal” about them

Odysseus & Polites just go back & forth getting each other, & it all started when Polites just wanted to sneak up & startle him while he was having a conversation. But he surprised him by squeezing his sides & Odysseus was like “oh, you wanna start this?” & he’s so innocent like “start what?” & that’s the last thing he’s able to say

He’s Odysseus favorite to wreck because he’s just so cute & he makes it too easy. Odysseus loves fucking with him & pretending he’s not, it’s literally his favorite game

Shxjsvxuu his flimsy excuses are so funny cause like, yeah he COULD be telling the truth, but look at that smirk! Look at his eyes sparkling! That’s pure mischief baby! & the way he’s just so smugly casual is almost like a dare to be called out on it. & Polites tried to, once

“I know that’s not what you’re really doing!” & Odysseus cocks his head like “oh? So you’re calling me a liar?” & Eurylochus is looking at him from over the captain’s shoulder like don’t do it, but Polites keeps on truckin’. “No, that’s not what I’m saying” “then what are you saying?” & he’s using that teasy mocking tone & Polites is trying not to giggle & is like “you’re just trying to mess with me” & he grins & shrugs like “well now that you put the idea in my head” & Polites tries to be like “but the idea was already in your head!” But he’s wrestled to the ground before he can finish that sentence

I fucking love your examples of some of his teases cause they’re so spot on! He’s so smug & mean about it, he’s literally such a bullyyyy. He LOVES rubbing it in their face how ticklish they are or how much they’re laughing. Literally the best worst

Poor poor Eurylochus knew he fucked up the moment he said it. It just slipped out, Polites was finally getting some well deserved revenge, & in front of a small audience of some very amused soldiers. But he could see Odysseus was trying to get the upper hand, so he casually says “you should try his hips, they make him scream louder than the gods” & then freezes because he knows the target he just put on his back. & as if to confirm it, it the midst of the struggle Odysseus catches his eye & mouths “you’re dead” soooo yeah it’s time for his disappearing act

Some of the soldiers that bore witness catch on when they see that he’s not hanging around their captain & think it’s hilarious. They’ll sneak up behind him & go “boo” pretending to be Odysseus & it gives him a heart attack every damn time! Polites definitely notices his absence by their captain’s side & hunts him down to tease him about it. It backfires, but it was worth it in the moment. After like a week of hiding & strategic avoidance, he goes to his room to grab something. He walks in & the door slams shut behind him & Odysseus is standing there with his hand on the door, smug as ever. Just like “you’re a tough man to track down, you know that?”

He just starts backing up wondering if he could fit through the porthole window, slowly & carefully trying to plead his case. But Odysseus’s smile never falters & he’s just so ready to make him shut the hell up & laugh

Eurylochus has prided himself on his ability to always keep a cool head in most situations, so he gets really flustered any time he loses his composure. & nothing makes you lose your composure more than being tickled

He’s definitely really shy about it & his top priority is trying to hide his face or muffle his laughter. Odysseus loves to point out how he’d rather hide than fight back (that backfires because now he IS fighting back & Odysseus wasn’t prepared for that)

Odysseus talks such a big game for someone who can’t take what he dishes out. He blushes so much as soon as someone starts teasing him. He gets so cute & shy if he thinks he’s about to get wrecked & he goes over every escape option in his head

Ksbskandkf he would absolutely die on the fucking spot if a god personally bore witness to him in such a vulnerable, embarrassing position. Athena once showed up in the middle of Eurylochus & Polites wrecking him & she just quietly waits for them to finish. He’s soooo flustered & pissy that she just stood there & did nothing “I mean, the least you could’ve done was leave” & she’s smirking like “I need to talk to you. And you deserved to be humbled” but he’s still grumpy & embarrassed about it