#Willy does it on the USUAL

[kineticallyanywhere]

dndads avatar au thoughts

Beary: Earthbender Autumn: Firebender Henry: Firebender (so steeped in denial. s1 is him crawling out of the denial mud he's neck deep in) Mercedes: Waterbender Sparrow: Firebender Lark: Waterbender (no this does not stop the twins from impersonating each other. they are VERY good at it) Rebecca: Waterbender (uses it to make ice cream!) Hero: Firebender (prodigy; non-practicing; secretly the Avatar) Normal: Waterbender (kinda garbage at martial or artistic techniques, much more adept at spiritual/healing elements but doesn't have a teacher)

Willy: Waterbender (Bloodbender, obvs. Can pull freaky stuff with spirits) Ron: Waterbender (nonpracticing) Samantha: Earthbender (nonpracticing) Terry Jr.: Earthbender Veronica: Nonbender Scary: Her biodad is a (bad) firebender, but she's ever been able to do it, no matter how hard she tries. That is, until she met Willy. (she could Earthbend, like her monther's mother, if she tried.)

Darryl: Nonbender Carol: Earthbender Grant: Earthbender (pretends to be non-practicing) Marco: Nonbender Link: Nonbender? (might actually be an earthbender? it's strangely unclear)

(now idea how TF this family works in an au, but) Bill: Airbender (used for weed smoking) Glenn: Airbender (can make his voice carry so far) Jodie: Earthbender Morgan: Firebender Nick: Firebender Cassandra: Nonbender, air heritage Taylor: Airbender (he hopes he's the avatar, but he really just moves other elements around with wind)

The Likelies are all Spirits, including Hermie

[hamletthedane]

Hamlet’s Age

Not to bring up an age-old debate that doesn’t even matter, but I have been thinking recently how interesting Hamlet’s age is both in-text and as meta-text.

To summarize a whole lot of discussion, we basically only have the following clues as to Hamlet’s age:

Hamlet and Horatio are both college students at Wittenberg. In Early Modern/Late Renaissance Europe, noble boys typically began their university education at 14 and usually completed at their Bachelor’s degree by 18 or 19. However, they may have been studying for their Master’s degrees, which was typically awarded by age 25 at the latest. For reference, contemporary Kit Marlowe was a pretty late bloomer who received a bachelor’s degree at 20 and a master’s degree at 23.

Hamlet is AGGRESSIVELY described as a “youth” by many different characters - I believe more than any other male shakespeare character (other than 16yo Romeo). While usage could vary, Shakespeare tended to use “youth” to mean a man in his late teens/very early 20s (actually, he mostly uses it to describe beardless ‘men’ who are actually crossdressing women - likely literally played by young men in their late teens)

King Hamlet is old enough to be grey-haired, but Queen Gertrude is young enough to have additional children (or so Hamlet strongly implies)

Hamlet talks about plucking out the hairs of his beard, so he is old enough to at least theoretically have a beard

In the folio version, the gravedigger says he became a gravedigger the day of Hamlet’s birth, and that he’s be “sixteene here, man and boy, thirty years.” However, it’s unclear if “sixteene” means “sixteen” or “sexton” (ie has he worked here for 16 years but is 30 years old, or has he been sexton there for thirty years?)

Hamlet knew Yorick as a young child, and the gravedigger says Yorick was buried 23 years ago. However, the first quarto version version of Hamlet says “dozen years” instead of “three and twenty.” This suggests the line changed over time. (Or that the bad quarto sucks - I really need to make that post about it, huh…)

Yorick is a skull, and according to the gravedigger’s expertise, he has thus been dead for at least 7-8 years - implying Hamlet is at least ~15yo if he remembers Yorick from his childhood

One important thing sometimes overlooked - Claudius takes the throne at King Hamlet’s death, not Prince Hamlet. That is mostly a commentary on English and French monarchist politics at the time, but it is strange within the internal text. A thirty year old Hamlet presumably would have become the new monarch, not the married-in uncle (unless Gertrude is the vehicle through which the crown passes a la Mary I/Phillip II - certainly food for thought)

Honestly, Hamlet is SO aggressively described as being very young that I’m fairly confident the in-text intention is to have him be around 18-23yo. Placing his age at 30yo simply does not make much sense in the context of his descriptors, his narrative role, and his status as a university student.

However, it doesn’t really matter what the “right” answer is, because the confusion itself is what makes the gravedigger scene so interesting and metatextual. We can basically assume one of the following, given the folio text:

Hamlet really is meant to be 30yo, and that was supposed to surprise or imply something to the contemporary audience that is now lost to us

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was written down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text justification of the seeming disconnect between age of actor and description of “youth”

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was set down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text JOKE making fun of the fact that a 30-something year old is playing a high-school aged boy. This makes sense, as the gravedigger is a clown and Hamlet is a play that constantly pokes fun at its own tropes and breaks the fourth wall for its audience

The gravedigger cannot count or remember how old he is, and that’s the joke (this is the most common modern interpretation whenever the line isn’t otherwise played straight). If the clown was, for example, particularly old, those lines would be very funny

Any way you look at it, I believe something is echoing there. It seems like this is one of the many moments in Hamlet where you catch a glimpse of some contemporary in-joke about theater and theater culture* that we can only try to parse out from limited context 430 years later. And honestly, that’s so interesting and cool.

*(My other favorite example of this is when Hamlet asks Polonius about what it was like to play Julius Caesar in an exchange that pokes fun of Polonius’ actor a little. This is clearly an inside-joke directed at Globe regulars - the actor who played Polonius must have also played Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s play, and been very well reviewed. Hamlet’s joke about Brutus also implies the actor who played Brutus is one of the main cast in Hamlet - possibly even the prince himself, depending on how the line is read).

[spacedlexi]

are there any narrative decisions/themes in twdg (the entirety of the series) that you really disliked/thought could be handled better?

*gestures vaguely at seasons 2 and 3* i dont think i really have anything new or groundbreaking to say about the ways those seasons were handled

honestly for the most part though even when i find the narrative decisions to be lacking or disappointing theyre able to at least stick to their themes and emotionally come to satisfying conclusions. clems personal running narrative throughout the series i think holds up pretty well. and her journey is like... the whole point of it all. so other characters or aspects of the series falling through the cracks is unfortunate but acceptable for me if its still working towards developing clementine as a character. seasons 2 and 3 might be messy and contentious among fans but like.. regardless of the issues i have with them i like where they push clem emotionally

leads to the kind of situation where i might not agree with the decisions that got us here, but i can at least appreciate what the Intended goal was narratively and thematically

but since im talking about clem the ONE thing i will say is: they pushed the "mother" shit especially in s3 way too hard. she got called a big sister Once and then they promptly moved on. other characters telling clem how motherly she is? sick ew yucky nasty. clementine herself choosing to raise aj because hes all she has left in this world and wants whats best for him? yes and also im crying. at least if you take the alone endings you dont hear that dialogue from kenny or jane so its less in your face but ugh 🙄 i actually liked in s2 that after aj is born clem can be uncomfortable with him or completely uninterested, but by the end of the season (especially if shes left all alone and its partially why i like the alone endings so much) clem decides to look out for him regardless, because theyre all each other has. hed die without her. and she needs something to fight for, to remind her that theres still good out there, because the toll this world has taken on her only continues to rise. they need each other equally. in a normal world they could have just been normal siblings. but in this one? shes ajs everything. and hes hers. and we can see All of that without characters telling clem what a "natural mother" she is 😒

[legolasghosty]

🐑 Alternate Universe- Magic, Mutual Pining, Demonic possession, Furbies

Oh dear...

Alex is attending one of the most prestigious magic academies in the country, on the orders of his parents of course. Even though Laiz Fier Academy reviles even the name of the only type of magic he's ever been good at. His parents swore he'd find another specialty here, and he'd let himself believe them, like the idiot he is. He's scraping by in classes. Barely. At least he's managed to make a couple of friends and figure out how to sneak into the library stacks to find books that will actually help him hone his skills.

However, Alex realizes now there's a reason why it's not recommended to do your first summoning alone. Because, while he does manage to summon a demon, it doesn't exactly end up in the silvery urn he'd laid in the center of the pentagram.

So now he has a talking, demonic Furby to hide. One that, despite its too-wide eyes and disconcertingly smooth voice, Alex thinks he might be developing feelings for.

(Fake fic ask game!)

[boyfridged]

so close to making willis into my personal oc. i have so many thoughts and feelings about willis & jay.

[rindomness]

for the record, this is bany's fault entirely. @banyanas come pick up the consequences of your actions(affectionate)

[outismm]

:o thank you for taking a photo of us!!

[hobbitunderthemountain]

im so tired but for some reason my brain decided it was a good time to actually make a legit budget w spreadsheets and shit lmao

[matoitech]

ppl pointing out five nights at freddys i have never been able to remember fnaf takes place in utah it slips ouot of my brain every time

[cy-cyborg]

The Untrustworthy Fake: Disability Tropes

[ID: A screenshot of Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as he limps towards a crowd using a cane. In the picture, he has a brown top hat in his hand, and he's wearing a suit with a purple jacket, multicoloured bow tie and cream coloured pants. Beside him is text that reads: "Disability Tropes, The untrustworthy Fake" /End ID]

Tell me if this sounds familiar: A new character is introduced into a story with some kind of disability - usually visible but not always. Maybe they're a seemingly harmless person in a wheelchair, maybe they're a one-legged beggar on the street, or maybe they're an elderly person with a cane and a slow, heavy limp. But at some point, it's revealed it's all a ruse! The old man with a cane "falls" forward and does a flawless summersault before energetically springing back up to his feet, the wheelchair user gets to their feet as soon as they think the other character's backs are turned, the one legged beggar's crutch is knocked out of his hand, only to have his other leg pop out of his loose-fitting tunic to catch him.

All of these are real examples. Maya and The Three introduces one of it's main protagonists, Ricco, by having him pretend to be missing a leg in order to con people (something that works on the protagonist, at least at first), Buffy The Vampire Slayer had the character Spike, pretend to be in a wheelchair, until the other characters leave and he gets up, revealing it's all a ruse and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory introduces Wonka by having him slowly limp out into the courtyard of the factory, only for his cane to get stuck, causing him to "fall" and jump back up, revealing that he's actually perfectly fine. Virtually every single major crime show in the past few decades has used this trope too, from CSI to The Mentalist, Castle, Law and Order and Monk all having at least one episode featuring it in some way. Even the kids media I grew up with isn't free from it; The Suite Life of Zack & Cody sees Zach faking being dyslexic after meeting someone who actually has the condition in the episode Smarter and Smarter and the SpongeBob SquarePants episode Krabs vs Plankton has Plankton fake needing a wheelchair (among other injuries) after falling in the Krusty Krab as a ploy to sue Mr Krabs and trick the court into giving him the Kraby Patty Formula.

No matter the genre or target audience though, one thing is consistent: this trope is used as a way to show someone is dishonest and not to be trusted. When the trope is used later in the story, it's often meant to be a big reveal, to shock the audience and make them mad that they've been duped, to show the characters and us what this person (usually a villain) is willing to stoop to. Revealing the ruse early on though is very often used to establish how sleazy or even how dangerous a character is and to tell the audience that they shouldn't trust them from the get go. Gene Wilde (The actor who first played Willy Wonka) even said in several interviews that this was his intent for Wonka's character. He even went so far as to tell the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that he wouldn't do the film without that scene because of how strongly he felt this trope was needed to lay the foundations for Wonka's questionable intentions and motivations. His exact words are: "...but I wouldn't have done the film if they didn't let me come out walking as a cripple and then getting my cane stuck into a cobble stone, doing a forward somersault and then bouncing up... the director said, well what do you want to do that for? and I said because from that point on, no one will know whether I'm telling the truth or lying."

There's... a lot of problems with this trope, but that quote encapsulates one of the biggest ones. whether intentionally or not, this trope ends up framing a lot of actual disabled people as deceitful, dishonest liars. Now I can already hear you all typing, What?! Cy that's ridiculous! No one is saying real disabled people are untrustworthy or lying about their disabilities, just people who are faking!

but the thing is, the things often used in this trope as "evidence" of someone faking a disability are things real disabled people do. A person standing up from their wheelchair or having scuff-marks on their shoes, like in the episode Miss Red  from The Mentalist isn't a sign they're faking, a lot of wheelchair users can stand and even walk! They're called ambulatory wheelchair users, and they might use a wheelchair because they can't walk far, they might not feel safe walking on all terrains, they might have unstable joints that makes standing for too long risky, they might have a heart condition like POTS that has a bigger impact when they stand up or any number of other reasons. Also even non-ambulatory wheelchair users will still have scuff marks from things like transferring and bumping into things (rather hilariously, even TV Tropes calls this episode out as being "BS" in it's listing for this trope, which it refers to as Obfuscating Disability). A blind beggar flinching or getting scared when you pull a gun on them isn't a sign they're faking their blindness like it is in Red Dead Redemption 2. Plenty of blind people can still see a little bit, it might only be a general sense of light and darkness, it might be exceptionally blurry or just the fuzzy outlines of shapes, or they might only be able to see something directly in front of them, all of which might still be enough to cue the person into what's happening in a situation like that. Even if it's not, the sound of you pulling your gun out or other people nearby freaking out and making noise probably would tip them off. A person needing a cane or similar mobility aid sometimes, but being able to go without briefly or do even "big movements" like Wonka's rolling somersault, doesn't mean they don't need it at all. Just like with wheelchairs, there's a lot of disabilities that require canes and similar aids some days, and not others. Some disabilities even allow people those big, often straining movements on occasion, or allow them to move without the aid for short periods of time, but not for long. Some people's disability's might even require a mobility aid like a cane as a backup, just in case something goes wrong, but that still means you need to carry it around with you, and unless it can fold down, it's easier to just use it.

Disability is a spectrum, and a lot of disabilities vary in severity and what is required of the people who have them day to day. This trope, however, helps to perpetuate the idea that someone who does any of these things (and many others) is faking, which can actively make the lives of disabled people harder and can even put them in very real danger, physically, mentally and even financially.

Just ask any ambulatory wheelchair user about how many times they've been yelled at for using accommodations they need, like disabled toilets or parking spaces. How many times they've been accused of faking and even filmed without their consent because they stood up in public, even if it was to do something like get their wheelchair unstuck or as simple as them standing to briefly reach something on a high shelf. I've caught multiple people filming me before, so have my friends and family, and it's honestly scary not knowing where those images have ended up. This doesn't just impact the person either, a friend of mine was filmed while standing up to get his daughter (who was about 4 at the time) out of the car. He was lucky to have stumbled across the video a few days later on facebook and contacted the group admins where it was posted to get it taken down, but had he not stumbled across it by chance, pictures with his home address and his car's number plate, his child's face and his face all visible would have just been floating around, all because a woman saw him stand briefly to pick up his daughter.

Many people don't stop at just saying a nasty comment or taking a photo though, a lot of people, when they suspect people are faking, will get violent. I have many friends who have been pushed, slapped in the face, spat on or had their mobility devices kicked out from under them. I've even been in a few situations myself where, had I not had people with me, I think the situation would have turned violent.

There's even been cases where those photos and videos I've mentioned before have been used against real disabled people and they've been reported to their country's welfare system as committing disability fraud. While cases like this are usually resolved *relatively* quickly, in many parts of the world, their payment will be halted while the investigation is in process, meaning they may be without any income at all because of someone else's ignorance. If you're already struggling to make ends meet (which, if you're only living off one of those payments, you probably will be), a few weeks without pay can mean the difference between having a home and being on the streets.

Not to mention that when there's so many stories about people faking a disability in the media, especially when the character is doing it to get some kind of "advantage", such as getting accommodations or some kind of disability benefit, it perpetuates the idea that people are rorting the systems put in place to help disabled people. If this idea becomes prevalent enough, the people in charge start making it harder for the people who need them to access those systems, which more often than not results in disabled people not even being able to access the very systems that are supposed to be helping them. A very, very common example of this is in education where accommodations for things like learning disabilities require you to jump through a ridiculous number of hoops, especially at higher levels, only to have some teachers and professors refuse to adhere to the adaptations anyway because they're convinced the student (and usually disabled students as a whole) is faking.

Yes, the "untrustworthy faker" is a fictional trope, and yes, it does occasionally happen in real life, but not as often as media (including things like news outlets) would have you believe. However, when the media we consume is priming people to look for signs that a disabled person is faking, it has a real impact on real disabled people's lives. "Fake-claiming" is a massive problem for people in pretty much all parts of the disabled community, and it ranges from being just annoying (e.g. such as people spamming and fake-claiming blind people online with "if you were really blind, how do you see the screen" comments) to the more serious cases I mentioned above. It's for this reason a lot of folks in the disabled community ask that people leave this trope out of their works.

[necstasy]

face fucking; GN!reader & WILLY WONKA MDNI 18+

it takes a lot to get willy to focus on his own pleasure instead of yours.

you have to remind him that while you appreciate what he does for you, you want to do something for him. it takes some convincing, but eventually you have your mouth wrapped around him as you sit on your knees before him. you can't speak when he's taking up your mouth like this, so you grab his hands, place them on either side of your head, and then nod at him as best as you can to give the go-ahead.

his first thrust is gentle. too gentle. you fix him with a glare, rolling your eyes to emphasize your point whenever he exclaims his fear of hurting you. you've been through much worse, and you've made your own voice hoarse from how excitedly you've sucked him off before. this would be nothing. you do your best to tell him that.

it isn't until he himself begins to get lost in the feeling of fucking you that he lets go. it's only then that the tip of his cock nudges the back of your throat before slipping down, forcing you to relax your jaw even more and breath through your nose.

you don't know if he realizes exactly what he's doing. the way his hips vigorously thrust into your face. the way his pink lips have yet to stop moving, praise after praise spilling out into the air. he's just so far gone.

"so good, honey. you feel so good. i love you so much. so, so much."

the way he begs like you're the one in control, even though he's moving on his own accord. "please, don't stop. please. 'm so close."

his head is tilted back, exposing the way his adams apple bobs in his throat with the way he swallows his own spit. you know he's likely salivating like he usually does when you suck him off. during those times, it'd been not only a pretty sight, but a useful additative to dip your fingers into and add to the slick between your thighs. it's unfortunate to sit there and watch his saliva go to waste, but it's endearing to know the effect you have on him.

plus, from down there you have the most gorgeous sight of willy staring down at you with big, hopeful eyes as he asks to cum down your throat. you're quick to agree.

[kteezy997]

The Candy Man- Part Three//W.W.

Warnings: mention of weight gain, judging spouse for gaining weight, planning to trick spouse, and some brief but very filthy smut, oral sex female receiving

Your secret affair with Willy went on for several more weeks. It was the highlight of your week, every week. He would bring over his delicious chocolate concoctions for you to try, and you would make love all over your house.

You loved having something to look forward to. You loved having someone that took notice of you, and made you feel beautiful and desired. Willy was charming, of course, but also sensitive and bright eyed, with such a positive energy to be around.

Each moment with him was a slice of heaven. At first, it was all about the sex, and how excited and willing to learn he was. But, in time, you found yourself falling in love.

You weren’t surprised that your husband still had no clue about another man coming over to sleep with you. He hadn't picked up on the exponential change in your mood, or the scent of another man on you, or the little love marks on your body. The man you married wasn’t the brightest bulb on Christmas tree. But he did begin notice that you had gained a few pounds. He made a couple of snide comments about your weight.

You hadn’t really paid attention, but once he rudely pointed it out, you realized that you had plumped up slightly in your belly area. It hurt your feelings, especially since he barely spoke to you and now whenever he did, it was to acknowledge something he viewed as a flaw. You figured the extra weight was brought on by all the sugar you had been eating on account of your lover’s chocolate.

You thought very little of your body’s changes until you missed your period the following week. Your stomach dropped at the thought of being pregnant, but not by your husband. You were worried about what he would do if he found out. You worried for your sake and for Willy's. You decided to call your doctor to be totally sure, and then you’d figure out your next step.

…….

When Willy came by that day, he was smiley as usual and wrapped his arms around you as soon as he entered the house. “I’ve missed you.” he cooed, kissing you with passion. It was difficult to be apart for a week at a time, for the both of you.

“I missed you too, Willy.” you said, squeezing him back as you hugged. “Listen, I gotta talk to you about something.”

“Of course. Is everything okay? Does he know?” There was a sudden urge of panic in Willy’s last question.

“No, no. It’s just…I think I could be pregnant. And you are the father, I haven’t had sex with my husband in months. I don’t know what to do.” you were anxious about your future when it came to this baby. You loved Willy, but you were a kept woman, your whole life could turn upside down as a result of this situation.

Willy's eyes were as big as saucers and he was silent for a moment before he said, “Wow. Okay, okay, listen, everything is going to be alright. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you.” he assured you, taking your hand. “I know that we haven’t known each other very long, but I love you, y/n. It sounds crazy, I know.”

“It does, it does sound crazy. But I love you too, Willy.”

He smiled softly at you, and he pulled you to him, and held you in a warm embrace. He smelled sweet like sugar, but also like fresh cottony linens.

You felt so safe with him, but you didn't know if that feeling could translate into the real world. You life with Willy looked so uncertain at this point.

But, his words of love and support lifted your spirits.

……

The next day, as you suspected, the doctors visit confirmed that you were indeed having a baby.

You spent the next week thinking of a plan of action. You were so torn between your mundane, yet familiar life with your dull husband, and the idea of running away with Willy Wonka. Willy had told you that his dream was to own and run his very own chocolate factory, to share his creations with the entire world.

No matter how big or unattainable his dreams may seem to an outsider, you knew that Willy was the kind of person to not take "no" as answer, and to chase his dreams all the way through to fruition. He was so full of joy and optimism and so easy to love. It would be the greatest adventure to be with him on his candy journey, especially along with your child. You knew that he would be a wonderful father.

But you didn't know how you and Willy would carry on in the meantime, before he found the success he was striving for. You didn't even know where he lived, or if he even had a home. For goodness sakes, you couldn't give birth or raise a baby in the streets!

There was one thing that would inhibit your life going forward with your husband. You were married to a blond haired, blue-eyed man with an athletic body. And you were impregnated by a skinny man with green eyes and dark curly hair. If you wanted to make your husband believe the child was his, you would have to come up with some genetic evidence.

Well, your mother had curly hair, so that could work in your favor. But the green eyes...perhaps those were descended from your father's side, yes, from the great grandfather you never got to meet, as he had died when your father was still small. Your husband would believe you, as he wouldn't have anything to disprove it.

Now, with your plan in your mind, all you had to do was sleep with your husband, to make him believe he impregnated you. The timeline of your fake pregnancy wouldn't line up with the actual one, but you knew that your husband could be fooled easily.

This could work for awhile, you thought, until you and Willy came up with another plan to run away together.

…….

You told Willy everything. You even mentioned that you would have to sleep with your husband for the plan to work. You didn’t want to have sex with him, but you had to at this point.

“I understand, y/n. And I’m not mad at you, but maybe I am little jealous that he will get to be inside you, I have to admit.” he looked down at his hands in his lap, pouting his lip a little, “He doesn’t deserve to be with you. Not in any way. You’re way too good for him.”

“You’re so sweet, honey. We will be out of this situation soon.” you caressed his cheek, smooth and soft to the touch, “You’ll have your own chocolate shop in no time and then, your own factory.” you put your hand on your stomach, “We believe in you, Willy Wonka.”

He grinned, putting his hand on yours, “I can’t wait to meet him, or her. The baby is going to be so beautiful, just like you.”

“I hope they have your curls.” you said, softly brushing your fingers through his silky locks.

Willy blushed, “I still can hardly believe it. I’m going to be a father.” he shook his head, then looked directly into your eyes, “And I’m going to give this child the life they deserve, and you too. Neither of you will have to want for anything, if I have something to say about it. We will have more than we’ve ever dreamed of, y/n.” he declared, leaning in to kiss you most tenderly.

“I’ve been thinking, and I really think that I can help you with the business side of things. You can be the chocolate maker and I’ll be your business partner. That way, it’ll be like we are truly in this together, Willy.”

He smiled from ear to ear, “Pinky promise? It’s the most solemn vow there is.” he held his pinky out and you tucked your own around his firmly.

“Pinky promise.”

…….

You were a little hornier than usual due to your pregnancy, so you and Willy got down to business straightaway after your important conversation. This rendezvous could also help you out by remembering it later in with your husband. Thinking about sex with Willy would make your reactions to Mr. Hudson more convincing.

As you lover went down on you, you threw your head back on the couch throw pillows. You moaned, nearing your orgasm already when Willy suddenly stopped licking. You looked down at him between your legs, “What is it, Willy?”

“Does being pregnant affect the way you taste? Because…” he licked his lips, pondering over your flavor, “you taste…salty, which is unusual, because you’re always sweet.”

You laughed, “I don’t know. I’m sure it can cause a little bit of a change.”

“Oh, okay.” he nodded, “You know, I’ve masturbated to the thought of eating you and chocolate at the same time.” he admitted.

“We can try it sometime, baby. Just keep going for now. I’m so close.” you loved how he felt comfortable enough to admit something so dirty to you, but all you wanted in that moment was for him to make come.

“Yeah, yeah! Right, sorry babe.”

You erupted just moments later and squirted in Willy’s face. You couldn’t get the image of him smirking with your juices on his lips out of your head. It came in handy when you had to seduce your husband later that night. Willy had a way of being encouraging.

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @chalametbich @bitchyunknownuser @lixzey

[incorrectmarvelquote]

Peter: [showing off his stuffed animals]

Peter: This is Todd, he ate his parents

Tony: What?

Peter: This is Gustavo, he’s usually okay but every so often he just cries until he throws up

Tony: Kid-

Peter: These are the twins: Free Willy and Free Britney

Tony: Pete-

Peter: And this is Greg, he hates everyone but if he likes you you can keep him

Tony: Does he like me?

Peter: No

[kisses4lao]

Yeah, BOO!! Twst men kinks and shit idk

another writers block blurb LMAO

My one coworker bought me ice cream in exchange for a shenhe smut so I'm trying to get done the floyd smut im working on so I can get that to her </3 here's some filler so you guys don't go starving waiting for content

Cw!!! Fem reader, so much filth

NO ORTHO.

Two disclaimers this time: SOME OF THESE MY INCLUDE SAM AND CREWEL, WHEN THEY DO, READER IS NOT YUU FOR THEM. also not proofread teehee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loves doing it in public. The fear of you guys getting caught while also having everyone know that you're his turns him on to no extent. He'll be thrusting into you at such a high speed, hand over you mouth as he whispers things in your ear, "someone may hear us, you may wanna keep it down." He says that with the CHEEKIEST grin on his face, he KNOWS how much you're struggling 😭😭

♧Cater, lilia, leona, rook(?), floyd, jade, Sam(would do it in his store)♧

Really like soft, sensual sex. Views it more as "love making", as he puts it. Will be rough if you want him to, but would never hit you. It may be hard for him to be rough at first, give him time. But back to the love making thing, he just can't get enough of you. He loves missionary because he can see all of you, having you in such a vulnerable position and having you let him do this to you makes him feel so trusted. He'll be going at a fast enough pace. Telling you how much he loves you, how much he wants you and how he wishes he could stay like this forever. Seriously the bestest men ever.

♧trey, malleus, silver, azul, riddle, jamil, kalim, jack, deuce,♧

So in love with you he'd try anything you want. Wanna tie him up? He's okay with that. Blindfolds? Who needs to see anyway. Wanna piss in his mouth? He thinks about it for a minute, but decides he'd gladly be your trashcan. In a way, all he wants to do is please you, he wants you to pleasure yourself on him so bad he'd do anything for that to become a reality.

♧kalim, sebek, malleus, ROOK, ruggie(only if you give him donuts), deuce, riddle, azul♧

Possessive sex x10. Would see you with another man and would get so anxious you may leave him. Too much of a baby back bitch to talk to you directly about it so he takes his frustration out by fucking you really hard. Says he's sorry later and tries to talk about it later but he's too shy.

♧just idia♧

SOOOOOO into breeding. Literally so inlove with how his cum drips put of you once he's done. Can't wait until you guys are older that way you guys can actually make a family. Seriously in love with the mating press position and hearing his balls slap on your ass when he's fucking you so hard.

♧malleus, leona, rook, vil, trey, cater, jack, crewel, azul, jade, floyd, jamilly willy♧

Wouldn't mind fucking you infront of a crowd. Not the same as fucking you in public, I mean like ACTUALLY fucking you in front of a crowd. Having hundreds of people watch the two of you express your love to eachother turns him on, he'd really like to do it but wouldn't wanna overstep your boundaries.

♧malleus, kalim, vil, leona, lilia but specifically general lilia♧

Really loves foreplay and can get off just by mouth fucking you. It turns him on knowing how easily you can get overstimulated from his mouth or fingers. He never expects anything in return, and he usually does it after you have a bad day (with consent ofc) so you can unwind more easily. Always runs a nice warm bath after <3

♧malleus (does want something in return sometimes but would never force you), trey, cater, ace, deuce, leona, silver floyd, jamil, rook♧

Kind of on the same page as the last one, LOVES having you sit on his face. Holds you down by your thighs and eats you out for hours on end. Definitely the type of guy to grab you by your waist, one hand rubbing your clit as he bounces you up and down on his tongue. Looks cutely fucked out when he's done.

♧ughhhhhh everyone bc yes <3♧

Uses lots of pet names during sex, will call you things like "darling","beloved","princess", idk may call you schnookums. Type of guy to call you all of these in one breath.

♧leona, rook, vil, floyd, lilia♧

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A/n: might make a part two idk lololilol

[neidermayers-mindd]

⚠ CONTENT WARNING — smut. Pure smut. (And some fluff?) p in v, unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy!); fingering, oral (fem receiving), Max Verstappen is a mean asshole in the paddock but a softie out of it (mostly); praise, lots of praise, mentions of alcohol and drinking; badly translated Dutch (sorryyy); reader is AFAB fem identifying. MDNI 18+.

Author's note: Sometimes Max Verstappen does things to me I cannot describe. The idea came to me and I just started writing. Also the reader is part of Scuderia Ferrari because, eheh, forza Ferrari. (Gonna write Leclerc stuff as well soon, watch me.)

All it takes is a win — Max Verstappen (Formula 1) x Scuderia Ferrari!(fem)Reader (SMUT)

Being a Formula 1 driver was anything but easy.

Sure, you had your moments when you'd spend time with the grid filming funny videos for the fans and doing weird challenges — but, once you had to get serious, the workouts and practice snapped you back to reality.

You were now part of Scuderia Ferrari — it's been a few months since you joined, and your teammates, Charles and Carlos, weren't all that bad, cracking jokes and pulling pranks on another like some high schoolers. You felt like home with them, laughing 'til morning when you'd celebrate each Grand Prix, getting drunk and all.

Your biggest issue was, however, your boyfriend.

Relationships in the grid were mostly kept a secret — you didn't need the news to holler with spicy details of the well-known Formula 1 drivers, so much for the reporters keeping an eye on all of you 24/7. If there was anything going on, it stayed within the paddock.

So, apart from Charles and Carlos, who found out against their will, nobody knew you were dating Max Verstappen. The world champion. The best of the best, or whatever made his ego inflate.

One issue you had about your boyfriend was that he'd be too cruel and unforgiving during race week. He didn't mean no harm, but it did hurt when he always expected you to do better, as he was personally involved in your training as a driver. It's like he wasn't pleased with you at all, and, Hell, even Charles told him to take it easy.

"Hey, no," the Monégasque spoke out when Max was halfway through one of his tirades again, "let Y/N be. She's learning throughout." His arms crossed, staring the Dutch down, in spite of his usual relaxed expression.

Carlos joined in, getting a bit concerned about the situation. "You can't be ordering her around like this. Trust me, we all learned in our own ways." This only earned a frustrated huff from Max, walking away from the scene as if nothing had happened in the first place — and you swore you could feel your heart beat through your Nomex underwear and Ferrari race suit.

—

You didn't even register when half of the season went by you — and, soon enough, you were ready to participate in the Austrian Grand Prix.

The race went smoother than expected — you were fully focused, your signature red Ferrari car driving past the others, smoothly operating (ha) the machine as if it was made for you.

The realization dawned onto you as the race ended and you completed your last lap, noticing only two cars past the finish line — the Red Bull cars, which were Max and Checo's.

You came third place.

Exiting the car as soon as you thought of it, you looked around, taking your helmet and balaclava off and feeling the fresh air on your sweaty face, hearing the overjoyed crowd around you.

You didn't even see when Max came and embraced you with all of his might, only noticing the joy in his eyes through his helmet. Checo followed suit, giving you a friendly embrace and congratulating you, to which you replied with the same approach.

You heard the announcer beam through the speakers, feeling pure happiness course through your veins. "And L/N comes third place on the grid, Ferrari makes its way on the podium by the end of the Austrian Grand Prix..."

This is worth celebrating, right?, the small voice in your head asked itself, unsure whether your boyfriend's reaction from earlier was genuine or not.

—

You've long changed out of your race suit and into your usual clothing, waiting in the hotel room for the hours to pass so you'd attend tonight's party; you shook hands and embraced way more people than you probably thought existed in the perimeter of the circuit and the paddock, eventually coming in your hotel room soaked from the habitual champagne bath on the podium — you were sticky, but happy.

After taking a shower, you got to this point, scrolling on your phone and reading the news pages about the race from earlier, smiling to yourself. You couldn't help but sulk when you noticed Max on each photo on-line, wondering if he was truly proud of you, if this even mattered to him.

Then, as if Max read your mind, he texted you, your phone buzzing in your hand.

'Where are you?'

You answered back, your digits tapping away on the screen.

'In my hotel room, why?'

On the other side of the phone, Max was still in the paddock, slightly frowning at your change in mood — you were on the podium, you came third place! Was there something wrong? Did you want to do better?

'Why did you leave all of a sudden?'

You reply immediately, 'The party's only later tonight. There's no point hanging around until then. I'm getting rest.' You knew you were lying — you didn't feel that tired, being used to the schedule and all. You just didn't want to endure another of Max's scoldings.

As if he read through your excuses, he types, 'Ok, I'm coming over.' You sighed at Max's response — sometimes, even outside the circuit, he was way too stubborn.

—

The door to your hotel room opened, as you didn't bother locking it; in comes Max, having, too, stripped of his race suit in exchange for more comfortable clothes, wearing a T-shirt and jeans. His blue eyes don't roam around the room — they look directly at you, in your direction. "What happened?" He asked, still seemingly puzzled by your change in behaviour.

The man sits on your bed, next to you, waiting for an answer; he still didn't bother leaving his race mannerisms where they belonged, still being oh so demanding. You don't bother responding; that is, until his hand finds your jaw and cups it so you can face his direction.

"Speak to me." He speaks out, tone still demanding, and you sigh, giving in to the man who was, although an ass sometimes, your boyfriend. Yours.

"Are you proud of me?" Your voice came out as meek, already expecting the worst answer; you can see Max's eyes slightly widen, taking in the information he needed from that question.

"So that's what it was?" Max spoke no higher than a whisper, his gaze softening. "Do you seriously think I'm not proud of you, schat?¹" And, as you shook your head, he realizes just what you're talking about, your reaction and the way you didn't dare face him.

"No, no, Y/N.." He moves onto the bed so he can hold you, shifting the two of you so your face buried in his chest, strong arms enveloping you in a warm embrace. "No, it's not like that. I am proud of you. I'm proud of every single thing you do, lieverd.²" Your lack of response concerns Max further, and he removes you from his warm embrace, looking into your eyes. "Please believe me."

You couldn't. You speak out, "Then why are you so cruel to me? Why do you keep bossing over everything I do?" His breathing stops for a moment, now knowing your perspective. "No, I don't mean it like that.. I am trying to help, I know how demanding Ferrari can be." His lips come in contact with your cheek, peppering small kisses on your face. "Schat, no— I just want to help, please— 'm sorry."

You feel yourself melt in Max's embrace; however, you couldn't shake any of the things that have happened before. "You're too cruel." You repeat, voice softening until it can't be heard anymore. "I know, I know", the Dutch speaks, palpable regret in his voice. "'m sorry, liefde.³ I'll do better," his words started sounding reassuring, "promise."

"Y/N— I'm especially proud of you for today. You came third place, and this was a tougher race. You did it, I'm so proud, I promise you", the man spoke between kisses, now placed on your jaw and lips. "Promise, I promise."

You went forward to taste his lips more — sweet, soft and a slight tang of victory champagne — and your eyes fluttered shut, Max's hands moving from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you in closer, even closer than imaginable; he sighed in relief, although you might be, a bit, still mad at him for not showing enough support this season.

"Come on," the blonde pulled away, a string of saliva still connecting your lips with his, "let me show you. Let- please, let me show you how proud I am, schat. Please." He looked at you with soft eyes and a slightly parted mouth, slight blush on his cheeks as he fiddled with the waistband of your sweatpants. "Promise, I promise I'm proud. So proud, liefde, I promise you."

You were sure Max didn't drink apart from a few sips of champagne, and you didn't even partake in the celebration other than bathing with the alcohol instead of ingesting it. The decision prompted you to give Max a nod, and he complies, your lips meeting once more, with more hunger, as his hands shimmied your sweatpants down to expose your underwear. He followed suit, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, tugging them down just enough to get to his boxers, hardening member confined under the cotton material.

His kisses trailed on your jaw and neck, lips sucking on the soft flesh enough to make your breath hitch, and he hummed in response, tongue sliding over the soon-forming hickeys to compensate. "So sweet, schat", he spoke against the skin of your neck, making you shiver in his hold, his lips moving further down on your collarbone before nearly yanking the shirt off your body, relishing in the fact that you weren't wearing a bra.

"Your body is so pretty", he sighs out, lazy smile on his face as he seemed like he was talking to himself, making a mental note of how pretty you thought you were. "And so ready for me", he now hummed against your sensitive, hardened nipple as he wrapped his lips around it, giving it a nice, gentle suck; Max loved hearing you whimper like that, a sign that he was doing everything right.

When your hand reached for his cock, palming it through his underwear, Max stopped, his breath hitching in his throat before looking at you, aroused and slightly glad you were considering his pleasure as well; however, now was not the time. "Y/N, it's my turn to make you feel good", he gently told you, taking your hand off his shaft, which you were sure throbbed under your very touch. "We'll.. we'll do me later, yeah? I want to make you feel good." He continues pressing soft kisses on your body, enjoying how you shuddered merely from his lips, and how your hands went in his hair to give it a gentle tug.

Max's hair smelled like shampoo, soft and silky under your touch, as you had two handfuls of the blonde locks in your very hands. He hums in response, nearly bewildered internally at the fact that so little did so much to you, and made sure he'll make you do more than just tug on the strands.

When he got low enough, Max switched positions with you, his large hands setting you on the bed just where he was sitting moments ago — he got on his stomach, pressing his lips against the material of your underwear. The teasing came to a halt when he tugged it down completely, discarding it somewhere, and the sight alone made Max grow harder, his aching cock pressed against the mattress, and he tasked himself just how he'd managed to be together with someone so beautiful. If perfect wasn't the right word to describe a human being, he coined that term just for you, and you only, ever since he laid eyes on you.

"So wet, schat", Max exhaled on your clit, and you sighed out, the hot air from his mouth blowing right against your sensitive spot. Prying your legs open further and holding onto your thighs, Max dove deeper up against your clit, licking long strands with the flat of his tongue and alternating with the tip, then moving upwards to your nub, giving it a gentle suck. He wasn't surprised when you moaned out loud, but rather entranced — one of his hands left your thigh and got to rubbing the bundle of nerves as he lapped hungrily at your clit. "You taste so good, Y/N. So good for me, letting me make you feel this good", he groaned out, getting pleasure just from eating you out, feeling his underwear stain with drips of precum. "Fuck— so sweet, so fucking good f'me, so perfect, Y/N" — if words didn't make you feel anything, now they did, because Max's tone of voice was nearly desperate; not to get himself off, but to make you come on his tongue and face.

Out of instinct, your hips thrusted forward, something you've never done — Max's words have never had this much of an effect on you, not that they didn't — and his eyes widened in silent amazement, looking up at you with a slight chuckle. "Feels good, hm?" He gives you a teasing lick up your clit, looking right in your eyes as he did so, enjoying how flushed your face was and how your eyes closed as soon as his tongue made contact with the sensitive area. "Mhmm.. Max, please, I want to come," you pleaded, and he complied.

"Anything for my champion. Anything f'you, schatje⁴", Max moaned against your clit, moving down as his tongue penetrated your cunt, feeling how wet you were and how much more wet you can get, the warmth of your insides sending delicious sparks right down to his cock. "Y/N, so fucking good..." He hushed against your entrance, tongue then going in and out at a faster pace while his digits were working on your nub, thumb rubbing in circles until you couldn't take it anymore, screaming out his name and coming on his mouth and tongue.

The Dutch hummed in appreciation of his own skills, then looking up at your fucked out expression with a teasing look, placing one last kiss on your puffy clit despite your whimpers, still oversensitive. When he kissed you, his tongue sliding in your mouth to massage yours, you could feel your taste on his buds, and it made you ache yet more, legs closing in to squeeze your thighs from the overall sensation. Max noticed — he hummed against you, fingers going down to your pussy and then right inside of you, coating them with slick as they pumped in and out.

You broke the kiss through erratic whimpers, feeling overwhelmed by the sensations, but you had to admit that Max's fingers, now curling against your G-spot, felt better than his tongue, reaching so much further inside you — he breathily whispered in your ear, his other hand toying with your nipple, "You like it, hm? Vind je het leuk hoe ik je neuk, schat?⁵", and you let out an almost audible 'yes', hearing him chuckle to himself. "C'mon, Y/N, take it like a champ, huh? Like the champion you are. So pretty, my pretty Y/N."

Before you know it, you came a second time around his fingers, and the Dutch fucked you through another of your orgasms, then taking his fingers out of your hole to lick them clean almost obscenely, making a slight 'mmf' sound when his taste buds made contact with your juices.

"Think you can take me now?" Giving him a nod, he continues, "You deserve me, you deserve my whole cock, huh, liefde?", Max lowly spoke, his voice getting breathier as he takes off his underwear; his cock, aching and as hard as it could get, was leaking small drips of pre-cum, and he sighed at the feeling of not having his obvious arousal confined any longer.

"'m so hard for you, Y/N." He aligned himself to your cunt, taking your legs and placing them on his shoulders. "God, so good, so perfect — all mine, my champion, yeah?" You nod, but that wasn't enough; Max took his cock in his hand again, slapping your clit with it and earning a muffled whine from you. "Say it. Come on, schat." He encourages you.

"I'm... I'm all yours, Max- your champion, I'm your champion", you made the effort to sound self-reassuring, to which Max kissed your forehead, responding with a soothing pitch in his voice.

"You are, Y/N. I'm so proud of you. For everything you have done and for everything that you are, I'm proud of you, yeah?" He peppered you with kisses, slowly entering inside you, and you gasp — getting used to Max was a repetitive mannerism, as he'd stretch you out oh so nicely around his cock. You felt it throb as Max's balls hit right under your cunt, and he kept gasping and whispering in your ear about how much he loves you — and you loved him, too.

As soon as you adjusted to his size, Max started moving his hips, pulling out just enough to leave the tip inside you then slam back inside — no, the domineering, rough side of him didn't remain in the paddock as intended. Soon enough, the bed creaked with both of your bodies' movements alone — the wooden headboard of the hotel bed hitting the wall whenever the Dutch would thrust inside of you, deeper, faster.

"There we go", Max spoke in your ear, sending shivers down your spine, his voice having dropped to a mere, husky whisper — "Vind je dit leuk, mijn liefste?⁶" His hands found your legs, squeezing the fat of your thighs as he kept fucking you, so sweetly but roughly, making sure you'd feel today's win for days after this.

You let out a shaky moan at the mixture of feelings — anger from earlier, dissipating in the overwhelming pleasure and sensitivity, as Max had fucked you raw through the build-up of another orgasm. Looking up at him, his entranced expression, how he looked so ready to let loose and fill you up with his cum, was so arousing, and you couldn't help but reach your hands to cup his jaw, fingers running around the stubble on his face; he gives you a satisfied, self-confident smile, mouth parting exactly when his head falls down, letting out moans of his own.

"Hell, schat, gonna come so deep inside you. Yeah? So proud of you, s'fucking proud, you deserve my cum, all of it, Y/N", Max gasped out, trying to maintain his composure just enough to praise you through it all, to make you feel self-reassured and proud of yourself. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he let out a guttural moan as he pumped hot, sticky cum inside of you, filling you up — you felt yourself come around his cock, squeezing him of what it's worth, milking him until he couldn't come anymore.

His body fell on top of yours — he still had his tee on, and you were bare naked under him, both sweaty and still recovering from each other's highs. "Ik houd van jou⁷, Y/N. I'm proud of you, yeah?" You heard Max, although muffled from his face being buried in the pillow, right next to your head, and you smiled to yourself, one of his hands finding your hair to caress it, and your hands rubbing on his back gently.

"I love you, too, Max." Indeed, your win was worth celebrating.

TRANSLATED DUTCH WORDS/PHRASES

1 — schat = dear/darling, also translates as 'treasure'

2 — lieverd = also darling, word expressing endearment

3 — liefde = love

4 — schatje = baby

5 — "Do you like how I fuck you, dear?"

6 — "Do you like this, my dear?"

7 — "I love you."

[riordanness]

electric touch — [w.wonka]

wordcount: 0.6K

warnings: none

requested: yes!! anon <3

I’ve never been someone people go to when they’re sad, or sick, or just need a comforting shoulder to lean on.

I’m usually pretty closed-off. I don’t open up to people, in fact I barely speak to anyone.

So when Willy Wonka, the famous chocolatier I work for, knocks on my door with a temperature and blurry eyes, I’m shocked.

“Mr Wonka, sir?” I ask in surprise, both my mouth and door open. “Are you alright?”

Willy shakes his head slowly. “I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to barge in like this, but… I need someone’s help. I’m—“ He doesn’t get to finish his sentence. He collapses, but luckily I’m there, and he hits me before he hits the floor. I catch him, rather unsteadily, in my arms.

“Hey, hey,” I mutter. “You’re okay. Uh… let’s get you onto the couch, alright?”

With my help, Willy stumbles over into my living room, and drops heavily onto my sofa. His curls are damp from sweat, and half stuck to his forehead. He closes his eyes and sighs.

“What do you need?” I ask hesitantly.

“Water, please,” he manages.

I hurry and collect a glass from the kitchen, filling it with cold water and ice. I also run water over a cloth, squeezing out the excess.

I drop to my knees at Willy’s side, handing him the water. I have to help him sip it, though.

I take the glass from him when he finishes, and leave it on the coffee table. I grab the damp cloth and gingerly hold it to his head, brushing away his loose curls with my fingertips.

Willy’s eyes flutter open, and he glances at me. “You’re a miracle, y/n.”

I laugh awkwardly. “No, I’m not, sir.” I dab the cloth all over his forehead. “I barely know what I’m doing.”

Willy chuckles, and his eyes slide shut again. “Thank you.”

A small smile grows on my face, without me even realising. “You’re welcome, Mr Wonka.”

“Please. Call me Willy. Everyone does.”

“Okay…” I hesitate. “Willy.”

He smiles.

I gently pull my hand away, leaving the cloth on the coffee table beside his water glass. “Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?” I ask quietly.

“Y/n,” he says, his voice low. “You don’t have to call me sir. I’m not your scary boss, you know. I’m your friend.”

I’m lucky he still has his eyes closed, because my cheeks feel warm all of a sudden, and I’m sure that if I looked in the mirror I’d be red all over. “Okay, Willy.”

There’s a heartbeat of silence. I stare at him, memorising every bit of his face. His features. His loose, dark curls that are never orderly, his jawline that I’m always half tempted to run my finger along. His mouth, that, for some reason, I want to kiss.

It’s like suddenly I'm no longer in control of myself. Without even a second of thought, I lean forward and press my mouth to his. I only linger there a moment, then sit back.

Willy shifts, then looks at me, surprise in his eyes. “What was that for?” His voice is a little raspy all of a sudden.

I shrug my left shoulder. “I… I don’t know.”

He smiles, looking tired. Then, he props himself up on one elbow and touches me gingerly under the chin, his fingertips holding my gaze to his. He pulls me closer at the same moment he leans toward me. Our lips meet, and it’s soft and it’s desperate and it’s tender and it’s hungry, all at the same time.

It’s everything I could ever have wanted.