I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard
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so my roommate is completely straight edge like no drugs no alcohol etc and so im sure y’all can imagine my surprise when i saw she brought home this sign
so i immediately inquired
and now you may ask. what the fuck did my roommate think that sign meant? well
anyways i moved the sign so it’s now front and center in our living room and ive been laughing every time i pass it
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Loving reminder from your land history auntie:
North American golf courses have had 50-100 years of arsenic and mercury based fungicide and herbicides applied to their soils.
Do not eat anything that has been grown on a golf course or downstream from a golf course. I know it sounds cool and radical, but you are too valuable to poison yourself with heavy metals.
Protect each other, turn your local golf course into a pollinator garden, not a sex forest or community garden.
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bakugou pauses mid-sentence, then leans in, pressing his face right into your neck.
you squirm, trying to push him away. his nose brushes against your skin, and a reluctant laugh escapes you. you put your hands on his chest and push.
“stop! you know i’m ticklish there,” you tell him.
he grips your waist, holding you in place. his eyes narrow.
“what the fuck is that?” he says.
“what?” you furrow your brow, leaning back to look into his face. “what’s what?”
bakugou scowls. “you smell like shitty cologne.”
“what?” you turn your head, attempting to smell yourself. you do catch a wisp of scent on you. “oh! it got cold out, and i forgot my jacket so todoroki lent me his. his cologne must’ve rubbed off on me.”
“why the hell would you take it?” bakugou says, scowl deepening.
“it was cold!”
“so stay cold.”
“katsuki!”
bakugou reaches up and pinches your nose. “you call me if you’re cold, i’ll bring you something.”
“you were on patrol!” you say, voice nasally. you bat at his hand, and he lets go.
“i don’t give a fuck. now go shower. don’t fucking pull this shit again.”
“you’re so annoying sometimes,” you say. “he was just being nice.”
bakugou drops his head to bite your shoulder.
“are you a dog,” you say, deadpan. your hand reaches up to thread through his hair. you tug at the strands a little.
he growls into you in response, and you break into a smile, laughing.
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Full offense, but I think milk substitution charges should not exist at coffee shops. It is NOT my or anyone's fault that they cannot have dairy and that's that.
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