#a 7 person rock band is just too many

[girlswhowantboystobegirls]

what would some pjo characters listen to?

thalia, luke, annabeth, percy, grover, clarisse, stoll bros edition

Thalia's music taste is canon; she listens to Green Day. I'd like to think she is fond of many rock bands like Radiohead, Nirvana, Rage Against The Machine... her playlist is a rock/punk soup. She may even go and listen to The Cure, Slipknot and all those bands with a certain aesthetic that is linked to an alternative style/community.

One thing about Thalia, though, is that she won't stand music that isn't alt. Lana del Rey, Billie Eilish, Dua Lipa, Taylor Swift are just examples of what she really can't get into. She despises entering a shop in a mall and hearing the "daaaaaance, dance the night away!" no. Please no. If you think Thalia listens to Taylor Swift in secret, I disagree.

I made a post about Luke's music taste before. I like the headcanon that in the Hermes cabin everyone listens to any song, any language, any genre (their shared playlist has over 3k songs, and most of them don't even correlate; special thanks to the Stolls). Luke likes punk and rock too, but maybe not overwhelmingly noisy... The Clash is probably a band he really likes, he also likes more current rock from bands like Los Campesinos... that's a little calmer than Thalia. He already has too much noise around him anyway.

Related to noise, Luke likes good, funky beats (Ivan Meets G.I Joe by The Clash starts playing). It is possible he listens to glitchore and/or scene songs!

Luke would listen to TV Girl.

Annabeth had most of her music taste influenced by Luke and Thalia, she was 7 when she came to camp afterall. Probably her own dad wasn't a parent that would show music to their child all the time. So, yes, Thalia and Luke music taste, mostly.

A thing's for sure, she doesn't understand Luke's liking towards glitchcore songs. Annabeth thinks they are... messy, like they were made immediatly and the lyrics aren't even audible. As an Athena kid who likes music, she often analyzes songs.

I can imagine Annabeth liking The Pixies, Iggy Pop, Ramones, and (she says that it's just sometimes, but their whole playlist is plagued by...) Blondie. Add The Runaways and Joan Jett too, this girl is a bisexual.

I'd like to think Percy isn't really judgemental about music. Does he find a reasoning in the lyrics? Nah. Who cares. Does he think the music is sad or happy? Depends on how fast it is, lyrics are to be listened; not read.

Sally is a really cool mom, and she probably introduced him to many things (I headcanon watching Drag race is one of them). A hint of jazz, some old-school rock punk, The Smiths, The Beatles, David Bowie, Abba... ultimate playlist. Percy probably still listens to many of these artists' songs.

But Percy's personal taste? Hip-hop. The hip-hop you could hear in a skatepark, or just 90s, it's almost the same thing. Eminem, Skee-lo, Ice Cube... he probably downloads playlist full of 90s songs.

Grover likes calming songs. Laufey is probably his favorite artist. Dominic Fike, Mac DeMarco's songs are also in his playlists. He doesn't mind catching up to some popular artists like these, but it's true that he only listens to music when he has nothing to do, not even go and search for Percy.

He can step out of his musical comfort-zone, but he can't listen to heavy metal. Thalia's playlist really scares him, can't even have it saved in his library. Grover needs relaxing music. Gods, he would listen to white noise, rain sounds or whatever's chill.

Clarisse thinks listening to music is a waste of time. She's not really a playlist grinder. But it is true some of her half-siblings tried to introduce stuff to her, it being: Måneskin, Hole, Marina (that one is a very guilty liking of her).

Clarisse doesn't think of listening to music when being alone and with no tasks, she just goes and does something. The fact that you can multitask, do something productive and listen to music at the same time, does not really enter into her perception of productivity.

Expect her to be judgemental of songs people who aren't her siblings show to her.

The Stoll brothers are constantly, forever in a music fight. Both of them have a very wide taste... but between both of them there are big differences.

Travis would listen to Taylor Swift, Mars Argo, Good kid, The Cardigans, Tyler The Creator. Pop, pretty much summarized, and some of its subtypes too.

Connor would be the reason of why the Hermes cabin listens to tons of songs in different languages (hc mentioned in Luke section). Brazilian phonk? Of course. Russian indie bands?? Yes! Argentinian rock??? Yasss. Everything goes into his playlist. Connor probably trusts Spotify's Discover Weekly BLINDLY.

This dramatic difference between their tastes made them not talk about music, because it would probably end up with both of them trying to prove the other wrong. They are very good siblings! It's just that... well... Connor thinks Travis' taste is shit. And Travis thinks Connor's make no sense at all (he can't even understand what they are saying!) But well, they can't look almost the same and have a similar music taste; that would be too much. Siblings can have many things in common, and things that make you want to make the other to cancel their Spotify subscription. It works like that.

I took 1 hour to write this.

[brian-in-finance]

So as a music enthusiast, mainly indie/rock etc I have attended numerous concerts over the years as you can’t beat seeing a band live….Florence and the machine, Kings of Leon, Texas, Coldplay, London Grammar etc and so many smaller pub gigs etc.

Anyway whatever bands I follow/enjoy I have never A) dug in to who their band manager is or B) been disappointed that the band manager has not made themselves front and centre. I just gather that band managers are there to keep bands happy and organised and like most people do not work 24/7 and have a life outside of their job enabling them to enjoy other events!!

Also is it compulsory for a band manager to have several bands on the books or can they just focus on who they work with when required? Clearly a lot of people have no idea what really goes on behind the scenes….

By the way I know you are not a tiny hateful person with an overinflated ego… me thinks it is someone else parroting their own insecurities IYKYK 😬

M A R I A ……!!! 🎶🎤

Thanks for the message, Anon. 😃

Agreed, you can’t beat seeing a band live (and I think you’re blessed if you’re able to listen to their recordings on vinyl too). Love your concert examples!

Come to think of it, during my many years of attending live concerts and collecting recorded music, I’ve never dug into band managers’ names or was disappointed managers didn’t make themselves front and centre. Who knew? (Now I’m giggling about how many film actors have played Brian Epstein. Funny how the mind wanders. 😂)

Like anyone else, I could Google “band manager” and learn what is “compulsory” for that job, but today is not that day. One could Google what is compulsory for my job, and they would have no better idea of how I actually do what I do than they did before I typed this sentence.

Speaking of band managers, ⬆️ Clare Dunne is climbing the stairs to accept her 2024 IFTA Award. To the right of the stage, at the back of the yellow circle, are an IFTA-nominated actress and her husband who is a band manager. Great seats!

Bless you, Anon, for not thinking I’m a tiny hateful person with an overinflated ego. Does this mean you might join me at a cinema later this year when Midas Man premieres? 🍿

On Thursday 9 November 1961, a man named Brian descended the stairs to a cellar in Liverpool and changed the world forever. — IMDb

Remember… say it loud and there's music playing, say it soft and it's almost like praying. — Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim, 1956

[apinkylemon]

English translation for Nana 7.8 Ai Yazawa Interview (Part 2)

This are the original scans from my original 7.8 copy:

PLEASE READ THIS NOTES BEFORE READING THE INTERVIEW

NOTE 1: I'm not a professional translator, i did this the best i could, english is not my first language so there may be misspelled things

NOTE 2: This interview is from the 7.8 fanbook published between volumes 7 and 8 of Nana, when Yazawa talks about the characters you have to keep in mind what we knew about them at that point and not what they did or became latter in the story

Thank you

MISATO REPORTS - 30 QUESTIONS TO AI YAZAWA (9 to 19)

Okay, we already know more or less the author's position regarding the series, let's continue with the interview

Question 9: Which band would you prefer to play in: Blast or Trapnest?

Uh, i don't see myself on a punk band (laughs) better with Trapnest.

Question 10: And what instrument would you play?

I use to play piano, so i would play the keyboard

Question 11: Tell us about an experience at a concert

I once won tickets to see a rock band that I loved. I got first row, just in front of the guitarist i adored. Since i know what it feels like, I was inspired by that experience to draw the scene of the girls front row at the Trapnest concert.

Question 12: Do you believe in horoscope?

Normally i don't. I ignore the typical predictions that come out every end of the year. But i like that typical Japanese thing of guessing someone's personality based on the blood type they belong to.

Question 13: What do you prefer? Long or short hair?

I like both. I don't like common things (laughs) I like originality. Yasu is original.

Question 14: Which three objects would take to a desert island?

Tobacco, paper and pencil. How crazy going to a desert island to draw (laughs) Oh, and CD! I can't live without music! Oh, only three things... this is so difficult...

Question 15: If you opened a business, what would it be?

A decoration store like Sabrina, second hand items from the 60s and 70s.

Question 16: What novels do you like?

"Good moorning , sadness" by Sagan. It's my inspiration, i also like the mystery novel "Eien no ko" by Arata Tendō. I cried too much

Question 17: What films do you like?

So many...! The ones i rewatched the most are "Gattaca", "Death in Venice" and "Velvet Goldmine"

Question 18: And TV shows?

I barely watch TV. Well, i don't have time.

Question 19: Do you surf the internet?

Sometimes. Since there's a fanpage, i visit it to read the comments

Misato: There is so much new information for me too.

Part 3 of 3 coming soon

[paperlovesadness]

I saw the Arctic Monkeys live... Almost two weeks ago now (crazy) and it did in fact take me this long to recover enough to write this. So here's some thoughts:

❄️🧊🐒🐒🐒🐒🧊❄️

Well first of all - context - it was a festival. And really not only was it a festival - it was my first festival. And not only was it my first festival - it was really my first live show of a band I cared for and listened to and specifically came to see. (I'm not a babeh nor a babby - I just listen to a lot of dead & retired musicians and AM was my first chance at a live gig that I really wanted to see). So this was like... Super special of an experience to me.

more context: I stood... Many many hours in the spot I secured almost as soon as I walked onto the festival grounds. And therefore saw them from second row. Up close. And... I'd do it again in a heartbeat (but it definitely isn't for everyone and please don't take this as advice and listen to what you yourself know about your body's limits).

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

✨Thoughts & feelings & observations✨ :

I've been fully validated in my love for TBHC & The Car.

I can now confidently say that I adore them as albums and also that they are show stealers to me personally in their live versions. They absolutely hold up live.

Listen - yes - the heavier more traditional rock albums full-on destroy live - and I definitely would've cried if I didn't get to hear the classics at my show. I jumped and screamed the lyrics and danced and played out the lyrics. But the songs I got from TBHC and TC? They HIT the most, emotionally.

Maybe it's because both of these albums are in my top 3 of the Monkeys albums in general - or maybe it's because Alex just resonates with them more currently therefore being able to emotionally invest more into them and then that coming across and affecting me. I don't know. I think it's both. And when Sculptures came around... PHEW

Which brings me to: Sculptures like absolutely destroyed me the most of the whole setlist -and I definitely wasn't expecting it.

It's not even my favorite song on The Car (though of course it is up there. And it also was the biggest WOW SHOCK for me on my first album listen). But something about his voice during that song. The emotions. The instrumentals. And the echo they had over all of it... Jeez, it was all just very intense.

Four out of Five.

Not a complete fan of the new arrangement... Because I worship TBHC in it's original form - but even so - that song still slaps in any form. And you best believe I was out there screaming all the verses like there's no tomorrow. It hurt my teeny tiny heart that this is now the lone setlist survivor off TBHC. But that just made me clutch it even harder and fully give myself to the moment. (TBHC we will avenge you!)

I think I just straight up dissociated at Do I Wanna Know.

Maybe I'm a basic bitch of a fan - but I WORSHIP that song and riff - and It was just such a symbol for me of getting to see them live. I imagined the moment he enters with his beautiful 12-string vox SO many times. And when the time came I just sort of... I didn't know what to do with myself. I sang along and tried focusing and registering it all - but it was too much; too much pressure on myself too - so my mind just seemingly floated away.

Generally the whole thing was such a hugely important event for me that I had trouble registering it as real and felt a bit "mind-floaty" through it all - but that memory is just THE BLURRIEST of them all. So you can say it's an intense experience witnessing that classic live 😂

Witnessing the whole process live made me realize just how exhausted the whole gang must be.

The night before I - of course - scoured all social media for info about their arrival and set up - and so I saw all the little info about them flying in, their bus and their equipment truck arriving, all that. Then I got a report from how the soundcheck went around noon. And since I stood 7 hours in my secured spot I also saw the entire setup process with so many roadies running around. Allll that contex kind of... Gave me a good feel for the time that goes into this. Time and work and travel - all of that for a 1,5 hour live show - and then on they go to the next. Let's please appreciate artists and understand when they do seem a little off. Touring seems like an energetic nightmare (and especially for introverts).

Speaking of roadies... I wasn't building too many expectations stage design-wise. And the EFFORT surprised me so positively.

So basically - I knew Glasto had the mirroball and all the bells and whistles. But we weren't as important of a festival. So there was no way of knowing. I truly full on expected a bare stage. For months I'd watch clips of their other shows and think "ah. Too bad we don't get the mirroball moment". I came to terms with it months in advance - and then when someone posted a blurry photo of the mirroball showing up I was in shock. I love how much this whole team cares. It isn't a simple task driving all these props around and setting them up - the ball, the ring, the lights, the curtains in the themed Car color palette. I very much wouldn't blame them for having a "light" version for festivals in particular - when the roadies have like 30-45 minutes to set everything up right after the previous act ends. But no - there's a vision and they stick to it consequently and they don't differentiate between types of shows. No compromises - 100% of what they've got. It's honestly just beautiful to me.

Alex was... So mobile.

He fully pranced around that stage in his little heeled boots (!!!) doing his little gags and knocking over microphone stands with the cord of his guitar. He made sure to cover the whole stage and acknowledge all sides of the crowd - and come back and give us all attention a few times throughout the show. And I love him for it.

Alex is completely mesmerizing.

Okay - I say that as a person who's completely in love with his mind and talent (and... the packaging... ain't bad 👀) - so I get I'm not a very reliable source. But guys... That kid is magic (I say as if he's not 9 years older than me) (he's still babygirl though) He just is. He grabs your attention with his energy and doesn't let go until you've let him out of your sight (not of your own accord). Disappears behind that curtain.

I tried checking up on the other boys through the show - Nick managed to hide at an angle that kept him pretty invisible to me, unfortunately :c. Matt was killing it - and I loved noticing how Jamie just... Sways back and forth. But listen - even when I meant to look towards them more during the show - my brain just completely didn't allow it.

(And yeah. I get that's the role of the frontman. But... Guess the thing is he just does it so well. It didn't come naturally to him - as we know. It takes a lot out of him probably each time. But the energy is just there. And he could stand all night long and just sing and I'd still be mystified).

I already fangirled internally like crazy when I saw their guitars being set up and tuned.

And then during the show - I caught myself guessing what songs they were gonna play based on the guitars Alex was picking up. And just being weirdly proud of myself.

Also... The Epiphone Coronet looks so tiny live? I don't know. But it seemed that way - and isn't a tiny guitar for a tiny kitten just the cutest thing?

I missed my moment 😪.

Which really wasn't too big of a potential moment - but between songs people would shout titles of songs they want to play - and you know. It was usually AM or maybe FWN stuff. And during one of those moments I felt an overwhelming urge to shout "Perfect Sense". You know... To show that fans are indeed also excited about the actual album this tour is about. I ended up deciding against it - and literally like two seconds later Alex picks up his acouie and announces Perfect Sense. I sensed that. I could've had Alex Turner knowing I sensed that. But alas. I ended up just enjoying it in peace 🥲.

I won't take any interaction-themed slander.

I feel like people who are used to a lot of band interactions often speak ill of Alex and think he's an ungrateful frontman. Which - well first of all is bullshit because I don't believe artists need to be saying a word - it's the music you pay for. But secondly - he may not be saying much - but the energy he exudes and the sincere way he says things... Well it says it all. I feel like you have to be there to feel that energy and understand - but to me it was palpable that he was grateful for the enthusiasm, happy to perform and generally very emotionally invested in everything he was doing.

And then he thanked us and sent kisses our way multiple times too. And called us a beautiful audience (stop it Alexander! We're blushing!)

His shennanigans!

He seemed very happy to have a runway to get onto and use for his bowling shtick (I feel like he immediately got excited seeing that stage at soundcheck probably when he realized he could use it in that way).

There were no birds around to control - but there was the weather. So he did in fact ask the skies to "turn up that wind machine" as it started blowing and made him look like a vision during Sculptures (guys, truly. Sculptures live is insane. I'll repeat it forever). (🎶 Those words don't mean a thing where I come from, but I'll sing them forever 🎶) (I'm sorry, I had to).

All the little over-the-top faces he makes to enact the lyrics are a bit too adorable and almost made my heart burst.

Like... The "wah wah" crying one at "I feel the tears are coming on"? What a geek.

(but then also... Who hurt you 👀 it definitely makes Body Paint seem even more bitter and like it's a jab at someone).

And then - if you've made it here - one last thing I'll share with you - a very important screenshot of my notes app where I quickly started scribbling my fleeting thoughts in the days following the show:

And I think that's the best way to sum up what one feels seeing the Man the Legend the Genius the Poet Alexander Turner in the flesh for the very first time.

[olberic]

ranking anime i’ve watched in 2023:

as expected, here’s this year’s top 10 for how much i personally enjoyed the anime i’ve watched this year. ive watched more than this, but god i watched so many bad ones…. even number 10 sucks but everything else was worse. sad!

as always thank u gifmakers for ur service 🫡 the world would be nothing without u all

10. the legendary hero is dead! (2023)

dont watch this show. it sucks and its bad. hey. come here. hold my hand. now lets just watch and enjoy the OP ok? don't worry about the rest.

9. my daughter left the nest and returned as an s-rank adventurer (2023)

i have to admit this show charmed me. its not the best thing ive ever seen but its nice. comfy. yknow? i haven't finished it but it's enjoyable. can't rank it higher until i finish it

8. sabikui bisco (2022)

if it werent for the positively nonsensical jump in the middle of the show and the way theres just like. a lot of gaps? it’d rank higher. it’s a very cool premise for a show and i like the bisco/milo dynamic, and [SISTER] is fun as hell. it didnt wow me though overall, and while i enjoyed it i was hoping for more.

7. trigun stampede (2023)

im sorry trigun stans i simply didnt love it. i see the appeal i really do but it just didnt hook me. i really liked the animation and the storyline. im intrigued by whatever the fuck is going on with those plants and yall have said theres a tallgirl in the next season? so i’ll keep watching. i just didnt love it

6. that time i got reincarnated as a slime (2019-2021)

in contrast to #7, i can see why this show is weak HOWEVER i just enjoyed it. i like it. huge fan of how much gender the protag has. i love how they get new powers. i enjoy that it can be interpreted as an extremely bisexual show. it was well paced and the slime diaries OVA was a great addition. a lot of the characters really stuck with me too and its like. idk. one of my favourite isekais i guess

5. buddy daddies (2023)

this should rank higher. its so fun. its SO fun. its silly and it doesnt take itself seriously. i laughed in every episode. the dynamic between the guys is great. the dynamics between them and the kid is great. just a really solid show if you can stand the queerbaiting. i dont even care

4. bocchi the rock! (2022)

the bocchi side of tumblr is right this show rules. i like how real bocchi’s social anxiety feels (literally how it felt when i had it). the characters are entertaining, the show’s well done, they even have solid music (which band-based shows dont always do right!). its really funny and its really earnest and its a joy to watch

3. demon slayer: swordsmith village arc (2023)

i included the entertainment district arc in last year’s list so this arc makes the cut. im always late getting around to watch the new stuff and i dont want to read the manga but god DAMN does this show hit different. incredible fight scenes. i loved everything they did for the hashira backstories. i love whatever the fuck is up with genya. it even gave me some akaza to sustain me for the next year or whatever. ik this show gets overhyped but its normal hyped. to me.

2. frieren: beyond journey's end (2023)

oughhh frieren… ive only known this show for a few months but it means to much to me… i dont even wanna talk about it because its so good i just wanna watch it again. go watch frieren if you havent already its anime of the decade. to me

1. gundam: the witch from mercury (2022-2023)

ive never seen a gundam before but i will be watched them after this! what can be said about it that hasnt already been said on this site. the romance storyline is impeccable, the fights are awesome, the moral questions it posed were excellently covered. by the end of the first episode i was speechless. by the end of the last episode i'd cried like 4 times over the course of the show. this thing made me cry to happy birthday. what the fuck

[lifmera]

Hello there, can I get a romantic matchup for Hazbin, Helluva and Genshin Impact (I hope that's not too many)?

I'm bisexual (with a preference for men but I'm down for whatever) and I use she/her. I'm an ambivert. For those who don't know me very well, I may appear calm, collected and polite, but when I get close with someone, that's when my true personality comes out; I'm very sarcastic and sassy, especially if someone gets on my nerves. When I'm with my friends, I like to joke around, engage in playful banter with them, even often affectionately insult them (if that makes sense). I also love to tease and I don't mind being teased back. Even though I'm a bit goofy, I'm usually the rational, maybe even mom friend of the group; the type of friend who tries to stop the rest from doing dumb shit if I think it's too dumb or dangerous (but if it's pretty harmless, I'll gladly join in on the fun). I also tend to curse like a sailor lol. But my friends say that I'm also thoughtful, open and understanding. I can be very patient and gentle as well if I want too.

As for my style, I usually dress in all black (fun fact: I never wear skirts though, I despise them) and I love silver jewelry. I always have a silver ring on each finger or both hands (without them I feel almost naked) and usually snake or dragon-themed silver earrings.

My main hobbies and interests are: listening to music (I can't live without it), lately I've been listening mostly to any rock or metal type of music or similar (for example I love bands such as Ghost and Nickelback). Besides that, I also love to draw, read, and travel. Sometimes I also like to play or do some sports (I've been a horse rider since I was seven and I love swimming). But I also like to just sit on the couch and watch movies (preferably with friends).

Also, my main love languages are: psychical affection, quality time and gift giving.

I think that's it, thank you in advance!

Hi!! Of course 🩷

I’ve decided to pair you with…. LOONA, ADAM & XIAO!

I mean can you blame me? You guys would get along so well.

Honestly- her and octavia too would be drawn in by your sense of style.

Before she knew your personality, she probably thought you were just another person wither coming to work in the office or pay.

Once she got to know you though? BEST FRIENDS.

She would engage in playful banter with you, but at some point she’ll start to take it seriously. Similarly what she does to moxxie.

She thinks its hilarious when you join in on making fun of Moxxie or Blitz, or even joining in their adventures! Shes also glad theres someone other than her who’ll stop Them from getting into trouble per usual.

You and Loona would have the same Music taste honestly, i think you guys would head bang 24/7 if you could LOL

She’d love your jewelry honestly, and probably ask you to spare her some. She just wants to match :(

Not the biggest physical touch person, but she will hold your hand. She doesn’t trust anyone else around you. Other than Blitzo..

Time for ADAM!

Are we surprised x2?

He would TOTALLY ROCK OUT WITH YOUUUUUUU!!!!

He’s a jackass, but lets be real… (hes fine as fuck-) he would stop if you genuinely asked him, and he liked you!!!

If you joined in on the bullying? Or just teasing? Dream come TRUE !

He definitely would bully you for your style at first but listen.. its because he’s a loser and he cant flirt :(

If you are patient with Adam, it’ll mean the WORLD to him. He needs someone who will listen to him for once.

Definitely loves the music taste.

He probably steals ur rings when u dont notice, and then out of nowhere he’ll be like strumming his guitar n u just see ur rings… and be like “i thought u didnt like them..”

And he was like “ermmmm 🥹🥺🥺”

He def loves physical touch and quality time. They go hand in hand

OK XIAO TIME!!

I just gave you all the emo’s.

This is what you get!!!

Definitely when you first met, you both were silent as fuck.

Dont expect him to talk cus he wont.

So you finally talk, and honestly when he realizes your personality, i think he would enjoy being around you.

He might be put off at first, with the teasing but i think he would actually… enjoy it ?

He definitely would like people who are more mean to him.

He thought your outfit was honestly so bomb, and would take your shit too.

What is with these characters…

Unlike the other two, he’d probably ask for permission though!! Cus hes a sweetie at heart.

Quality time and gift giving are his love languages for you!!

~~

THEY WERE KINDA SHORT!! IM SORRY 😭😭

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Personality :p

Ello! My name is Gillian I am requesting a ship for supernatural

* i'm the type of person that people regard as being very well adjusted but honestly i'm having a mental breakdown most of the time.

* i'm a deeply empathetic person, i care a lot about others and sometimes i forget to care for myself because of it.

* on the flip side of my sensitive/kind nature, i can be very feisty. I’m also DEEPLY sarcastic when i'm frustrated i just want to beat up something, and i become very passionate towards injustice. my friends say i'm like a kitten with a knife.

* additionally, i would consider myself a brave person. I don't struggle to have hard conversations with people (i don't like them but I'll do it),and I've stood up to every bully I've ever had

* due to my trust issues and rejections, i tend to feel like an outsider in most of my friend groups.

* TO FINISH IT OFF (this has become too long), i would consider myself a wise/intelligent person (i give good advice), resilient, but also easy going.

1. INFJ | Pisces sun, cancer moon, libra rising, pisces Venus | Ravenclaw | Neutral good

2. Things I love in myself: I love that I’m good at giving advice, that I can skip many of my classes and still stay on the dean’s list, and that I’m bold when I need to be

3. In a partner, I look for someone who will support and listen to me. I have a lot of different mental ailments, and if they won’t be understanding of that, then I can’t be with them. I also look for someone who is self sufficient (I can’t deal with laziness). Most importantly, they should be kind (i.e. If I’m ranting about things like sexism in a tv show, I want them to be able to understand why it’s important to me.)

4. I’m straight, unfortunately.

5. She/her

6. I’m the singer/guitarist in a rock band so music is very very important to me. I also love to draw and I read pretty much all the time. My ideal day is going to a coffee shop and then a bookstore. Which reminds me— I drink an obscene amount of coffee. I also take too many naps, especially with my cat, who is my baby. I like to write as well. I really love things that make my house look like a fairy’s home, so I like to collect that stuff. I’m also a nerd who does go to comic con (*boos are heard throughout the audience*)

7. Appearance wise!! I’m hella short, but it just means my personality is big. I have reddish brown hair with very round blue/green/grey eyes (idk their color people just say that they’re pretty), and a button nose.

Hi!! I hope you like your SPN matchup! <3333

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Romantic;

---

Supernatural;

💐 You met Sam after you had gone to a coffee shop to get a drink, you walked into the nearby bookstore - you weren't looking for anything in particular, but when you accidently let a book slip from your arms, Sam the gentleman came right up and helped you; picking the book from off the ground, he gave you a smile; and before you knew it, you ended up talking for a good thirty minutes or so

💐 During the next couple of months, you and Sam would often meet up and go to that coffee shop together - swinging by the bookstore after - and just talking about everything and anything; he was quickly becoming a close friend of yours, even being front row at some of your rock concerts

💐 Skipping to actually dating, Sam is really supportive, if you want to do something, he is there to support you (follow your dreams - and he's a very good listener, if you just want to rant about your day, he's there; and if you want to rant about sexism in a tv show, Sam will understand how important it is to you, and probably join you in the ranting

💐 If you go down for a nap with your cat, he'd probably join you, if not, he'd most likely sit on the bed beside you, quietly reading - and when you wake up, he'd probably see if you want to go out and go on a small adventure to the bookstore

💐 Sam is totally down to go to Comic Con with you, if you dress up, he'd dress up too - and if you find something you like there (maybe a little something that makes your home more fairy-like), Sam is more than willing to carry it for you if you get tired carrying it for the how many hours you wander around the Con

[insanityisdivine]

Get to Know Me and My Obsession with KISS 🎸

Thanks for the tag @starry-eyed-never-satisfied

1. Who is your favourite member?

Okay. Paul is my first love but sexy Ace is competing with him but god I have to say Paul.

2. Who is your least favourite member?

Everyone saying Mark. I know nothing bout him

3. Best album?

RARO ...I'm assuming studio albums and live albums don't count???

4. Worst album?

I didn't listen to their last two albums and have no intention to do so ATM

5. Favourite song?

THIS IS TOO HARD TO CHOOSE. Guess I gotta say Love Gun Though But I love C'mon and Love Me!

6. Say one nice thing about each member.

Paul- He's the STAR of KISS. I probably wouldn't have gotten into KISS if it weren't for him. Everything I adore and want to be

Gene- I wanna listen to him talk while we share milk and chocolate chip cookies together

Peter- I have a soft spot for him. I think he can be really sweet and cute

Ace- Sexy, trashy, baby girl, sexy girl in hooker boots. Wanna bend over and smack that ass. He and Paul are my bisexual fantasies. BUT SERIOUSLY, The first guitar player that made me go WOW. Never got the hype about lead guitarists before but then I was thinking of 80s rock and 80's rock solos never resonated with me. His solos are iconic, not just shredding/mindless noodling. As someone who never learned how to read music, I think it's amazing he influenced many to learn. I'd love to learn how to play. Not to be in a band but I've always wanted to play a guitar. Also, I'd love to hang out with him. He's funny and bright. I think there's softness to him and I'd like to believe (coming from a fan, of course) that he's a good person. He also reminds me of my ex early 90s era....so I guess I have a soft spot for him

Eric C- I wish I could meet him. If I had to pick one member I could meet it would be him because I know he'd be super sweet

Vinnie- talented songwriter and amazing voice. Gorgeous

Mark- He did his job on Animalize

Bruce- Super sweet. He was the cutie of the group during revenge era ngl. Paul had competition.

Eric S- Seems really funny. got a nice tight body. seems every KISS drummer has a nice bod.

Tommy- Loyal and hard working. I can see why KISS kept him. Honestly he'd the kind of guy you want in your group.

7. What do you dislike about each member?

Gene- Condescending. I can see he has some views on things that I'd butt heads with him on

Paul- Overly critical of others, may come across cold. He scares me. y'all see his posts for new years???? He can come across very hurtful in his choice of words

Peter- Bitter (in the past it seems) and tbh some of the shit I read and heard that unfortunately was allowed to slide (sometimes even passed off as "funny" stories). It's a sensitive topic for me.

Ace- like Peter, awful things said and done that cannot be solely blamed on addiction which I'm very glad he recovered from btw. I'm honestly glad I never put this man on a pedestal and it's not just because "he's human like the rest of us". lol I love him but I'm glad I've been exposed to the bad early on this obsession so I don't have any unrealistic ideas about ppl, you know? I think I need to sleep with him to sort out these feelings lol

Eric C- I don't know that much to comment and feels almost unfair because he was taken away from us much too soon

Vinnie- stop scamming people omg. the insanity and charging ppl for memberships and you haven't released shit???

Mark- don't know about him. can't comment

Bruce- Maybe too nice for his own good.

Eric S- I don't know. Should have created a sex tape with Gene

Tommy- Kinda weird seeing him try to mimic Ace's facial expressions. One thing to imitate solos and his space persona but his mannerisms? I dunno just weird to see someone mimic what Ace's face naturally does? Kissy pouty lips only work for Ace

8. How did you get into KISS?

years ago, just bombarded with their imagery and sound on TV shows

9. Have you been to a concert?

Their last show. Crushing, I know

10. Do you have any merch?

I have a shirt

11. Unique thing you have related to KISS?

None, sadly. Like I have nothing solid if that's what you mean. anything that may have in common? sure but feels too personal to share here

12. Who is/are your favourite lineup?

This is hard because early 90s KISS was TIGHT. but I'll always love the original 4, but sweet Foxy and Brucie is so precious

13. What's your favourite era?

FUCCKKK....see this is hard. I have a big soft spot for Dynasty/Unmasked but I also love DTK and HTH

14. What are your opinions on Tommy and Eric?

They did their job. If they hadn't stepped in I wouldn't have seen KISS final show and for that I am grateful. I enjoyed their participation.

15. A question you would ask the band if you could?

I'd ask if I could suck their dick. That's tough. What haven't they've been asked before? Honestly I got some questions for Ace that's been bugging me and I know I'd never get them answered unless I knew him personally and had a real heart-to-heart conversion. I dunno I can only go off from a fan's perspective about how that'll go

16. What other bands/artists are you into?

Led Zeppelin, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga, Stromae, used to really like Adam Ant, The Sweet, OLP, Franz Ferdinand, Daft Punk. I listen to all kinds of genres and artists so I like what I like

17. Do you have a KISSona?

Don't have one. I'm assuming like a fursona? lol

18. Who are some of your favourite blogs?

@ladyshandioftheendless @elrohare @silverstarfoxx (thank you for tolerating all my pestering! never hesitate to reach out to me for more Ace goodies!) @notpaulsguitar @ohblackdiamond (though tbh I swear you have answered this lol) @space-frehley-22 @spacefoxy (resident eric carr connoisseur) @speckster (you have crazy ass edits) and same goes for @bangbangyou love your funny memes. the IP address as a response always gets me lol @starry-eyed-never-satisfied (you already did this but adding you here anyway fellow Paulie enjoyer!) There's many more I wish I could just mass tag KISS blogs lol. There are blogs that are no longer active but I am glad they are still around

19. If you could spend a day with one member who would it be?

Hard because I love Paul but he scares me. I think I'd need more than a day to get comfortable with him. I'd love to spend a day with Eric C or Bruce because they seem the nicest. Maybe I'd love to hang with Peter now. Gene, may be fun. He's a good talker. Though it be fun to get one-on-one time with Ace. I'd love a tour of all his tech and then we can compare and just geek out on technology.

20. How would you explain the band to someone who isn't familiar with KISS?

I don't know. Honestly the other people who answered this already gave greats explanations. So many pass judgment on them without giving them a chance. They're a one-of-a-kind experience. There will never be a band like them.

[strawberrysatellite]

just too soft for all of it

inspired by sweet nothing by taylor swift

word count: 3.7k

Y/N had never been a soft person.

At least, that’s what she led others to believe.

She had always portrayed herself to others as a slightly harsh, determined young woman with a solid head on her shoulders and no time for disrespect.

Don’t get her wrong, she had fun. Always. She had a solid group of friends who all loved her and knew her personally, going out for drinks or having game nights with them always filled with laughter.

But to anyone outside her immediate friends and family, she often came off as abrasive and more of a cactus than a cuddly bear. Nothing in particular had caused her to be this way, but she knew that to get anywhere in life in the field she wanted to, she would need to be more ruthless than most if she had any shot of being respected. It’s a well known fact that women are often treated like lesser humans than men in business industries. Unfortunately, it was just how the world worked. So Y/N forced herself to be two people; friendly and warm around her loved ones, stone-faced and immovable around everyone else.

Until Harry.

At first, she had been a bit stand-offish (“a bit” perhaps exceeding the average amount she would normally appear to men- but you can’t blame her. She had built her whole foundations in the business world and now some boy band pop star held the power to make her a laughing stock through every board room in the city.) but that never deterred Harry.

In fact, it only made him even more determined to win her over.

He admired how passionate she was about her career. Just as he loved his own job.

It took several months of flower deliveries, date nights over pesto ravioli (Y/N’s favourite dish from the italian restaurant a couple roads down from her flat) and pining from Harry before Y/N caved into him. One can only reject a long-haired, 6 foot rock star so many times before it becomes self-sabotage.

They both remember that day with the fondest memories, edges fuzzy in their minds like the sepia effects of an old film reel replaying on a loop until the tape unravels, their love for each other being so blindingly obvious.

As usual, Harry had messaged Y/N the day of their date (her number only given to him after the fourth time of him asking and due to Y/N’s both sympathy and thinning patience) wanting to confirm the plans.

Harry: Hi darling. Tonight at 7 still okay with you? H Xx

Y/N: Hi Harry. Yes, 7 is still okay with me. It was yesterday and the day before and still will be today.

Harry: Just making sure. See you soon sweetheart. xx

There were times Y/N felt badly for how she treated Harry, but then she remembers the mocking remarks made by a male colleague at work. (Jeremy, whom she had always despised. His cologne was far too strong for such an enclosed work environment and he manspread in every seat. Gag. As well as having a particular penchant for flirting with every new woman in the office, being offended upon inevitable rejection, and proceeding to more or less make their working lives a living hell. Y/N had first-hand experience of this.) He had somehow found out about Harry trying to woo Y/N, and would make snide remarks mocking her for dating a boy band member.

She wasn’t even officially dating the man, for fucks sake.

Luckily, Y/N had grown quite the thick skin after being around businessmen for the majority of her adult life. She was used to being treated like this, and she decided that some silly remark from a rather unremarkable man was not going to stand in front of her finding happiness. Whether that was with Harry or not.

That night, a knock sounded through Y/N flat as she was lighting a candle in her living room. After a long day under harsh fluorescent office lighting, the last thing she needed was to go home and have to suffer the dreaded big light.

Harry’s bundled-up frame appeared in her doorway, having let himself in with the key he knew she kept under the little cat shaped plant pot by her doormat that simply read “What?”. In one hand he held a bouquet consisting of pink and orange tulips along with wildflowers- Y/N’s favourite- and in the other a plastic bag with the name of his favourite chinese takeaway spot plastered on the side.

“Fancy seein’ you here.” His cheesy grin was framed by two rosy cheeks, nipped with the cold that the Packers beanie covering his curls couldn’t defend him from. “Where’s m’favourite girl?”.

Contrary to Harry’s near obsession with Y/N, he wasn’t talking about her for once. He was talking about Clementine, Y/N’s tiny kitten that she had adopted around the same time as Harry had bumbled his way into her life.

A tornado of charcoal coloured fluff suddenly zips through the living room, bypassing her favourite napping spot on Y/N’s pink velvet couch and beelining straight for Harry’s scuffed Vans (swapped from his normal chelsea boots as he had declared this a chill night in with his girls). “Oh there you are, precious. You’re gettin’ so big! What’s mummy feedin’ you, hm?”

Y/N can’t bring herself to diminish her smile, hers matching the megawatt grin from the smiley boy still in her entryway.

“Am I getting a hello tonight or did you just come over to steal my cat from me?” Her voice is thickly laden with sarcasm, somehow turning the corners of Harry’s mouth up even more until both of his dimples press into his cheeks.

“Oh m’sorry, sunshine. I seem to get more conversation out of Clem sometimes, s’all.” His teasing has an offended pout puckering on Y/N’s lips, “Don’t pout, honey. There’s enough of me to go round. Isn’t that right, Clem? You and your mummy can share my love. Mhm.” He turns his eyes back to the little furball at his feet, ditching the food to the side table by the door in favour of picking her up to cradle to his chest.

“Honest to God. You are so lucky you’re cute, Styles.” She mumbles to herself as she manoeuvres to the food he had abandoned in favour of her kitten, grumbling the whole way to the kitchen and all throughout dishing their plates up.

Harry gasps dramatically, “You hear that, Clemmy? Your mummy thinks I’m cute.” He smirks at Y/N’s grumbling figure, resting the kitten back on the floor to take off his coat and shoes. “Y’need any help, lovie?” he calls over his shoulder, trying to balance while taking his shoes off.

“M’good. You mind getting forks and shit out of the dishwasher? Didn’t have time to take ‘em out before.” She nods to the appliance without taking her eyes off the plates she’s dishing up.

“‘Course, petal. I’ll put these flowers in a vase as well.” As he passes her, he grips her shoulders and plants a kiss on the top of her head, the feel of his touch lingering for far longer than he was actually touching her.

As the two work around each other in Y/N’s slightly cramped, mismatched blue and pink kitchen, she can’t help the feeling that comes over her. It's one of complete comfort. She knows she’s safe with Harry. Knows he would never judge her or hurt her. Knows he truly cares for her. It’s so domestic it almost causes her eyes to well up. She’s never had something like this before; for years, she’s been this stand-offish, fierce businesswoman for fear of appearing weak. But with Harry. With Harry, she can just be Y/N. There’s no need for her to pretend to be someone she’s not. He’s the first person (in a romantic sense) who’s ever been able to handle her personality and not asked her to change.

Y/N appreciates him so much more than he will ever know.

“Saw this new true crime thingy advertisin’ the other day. Know you’re into all that creepy stuff- thought we could watch that, yeah?” Harry’s voice carries over her open living room/kitchen from his place on her pink velvet couch, with his beanie still tucked over his curls and a plate of food in the other, a smile still ever-present on his lovely face.

The sight is so domestic she just smiles and nods. She imagines this for the rest of her life; coming home to him, his guitar on his lap, sheets of half-finished lyrics strewn about the coffee table, his toiletries in her bathroom, his favourite mug next to her own in the cupboard above the sink, his books next to hers on her shelves, sitting down to crappy reality TV and dinner, a sleepy kitten between their warm bodies at night in her blush coloured sheets. She sees it all and it makes her happy. She lets herself be happy.

Now, that date wasn’t monumental. It wasn’t some overpriced dinner in an exclusive London restaurant. But it was special to them. It was the first night Y/N let herself be happy in a long time. They’ve been together- officially- since that night.

If you ask Harry, he’ll probably tell you they’ve been together for longer than that.

Semantics.

Something Harry has discovered throughout their relationship is how much of a secret romantic Y/N truly is.

Their first ever couples holiday together, they decided (rather unconventionally) to visit a tiny town in Ireland. Since the band had gone on their official hiatus, Harry has had an abundance of free time and nothing to do with it, so asked his still good friend Niall if he knew of anywhere quiet and peaceful to fill up some of his time. Him and Y/N whisked themselves away from the city into a small country village where Harry wasn’t recognised but any of the locals- who all happened to be above a certain age lucky for him- and somewhere where Y/N’s office job was the very last thing on her mind.

It was Y/N’s idea to do a ‘screen detox’ as she had called it, so they both popped their phones away, only able to ring in case of emergencies, and spent nearly three weeks bundled up in each other.

Not forgetting Clementine, of course, whom they had brought with them as Harry couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her back home.

“What if she forgets me? I’m her dad, Y/N. I can’t leave my child alone”

His dramatics made her chuckle before she phones the lady whose cottage they were renting for their stay and inquires about the possibility of bringing along a tiny kitten.

The two did nothing but watch TV, eat their body weights in the local cheese selection, read classic novels to each other, and walk along the many country paths surrounding their tiny temporary home.

It was perfect.

As a little souvenir, Y/N picked up a little pebble from her favourite walk that she made Harry take every other day. It was the only path that brought them through a huge glade filled with overgrown grasses and sprouting wildflowers. It was beautiful. And also reminded Y/N slightly of the magical glade from the Twilight films (her not so secret guilty pleasure films that Harry loved to tease her about but would still become far too invested every time she put them on and end up forcing her to watch all of them in one sitting no matter what time of day it was).

The pebble was a smooth charcoal colour (coincidentally the same colour as Clementine’s fur) and had flecks of chestnut brown scattered across its surface- the same shade as the curls Harry still hid under his beanie to keep his ears warm on their country walks.

The minute the couple arrived home from their holiday, Y/N searched through their cupboards vigorously until she found a tiny glass jar. One of those jam jars with the snappy lids and metal closures.

The jar sat pride of place on their fireplace, housing the tiny pebble as a little reminder of a place now special to the couple.

One night, a Friday after a particularly gruelling work week, Y/N had gotten slightly wine drunk and ended up staring at the pebble, her legs slung over Harry's whilst he massaged her calves tenderly and Y/N’s hands nursed an almost empty glass.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Harry’s voice was gentle so as not to disturb her too much.

“Just thinkin’. D’you think it misses home or owt? Kinda just stole him didn’t I. I mean, I miss it there and that was its home, so.” Her words are slightly slurred but affect Harry’s heart all the same.

How could anyone think she was anything other than a great big softie. Here she was wondering if a pebble was feeling homesick.

Instead of teasing her, Harry plays along, “Hmm, I miss it too. Maybe we’ll just have to go back- bring him back a friend.”

She hums at this idea, the wine taking over her brain slightly and sending her off into a pleasant nap on their pink velvet couch, mind fuzzy with love and memories of a tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Y/N’s softness also extended past tipsy comments and pebbles in jars; she had a secret talent for poetry.

She had once admitted to Harry that as a little girl her dream was to be a writer, but she grew up and deemed it too risky, settling into business and stability happily even if it wasn’t necessarily her dream career.

It’s very rare that Y/N lets Harry look at her writing. Only ever if she’s particularly proud of it or if she’s in a supremely chirpy, lovesick mood.

Which would explain why a poem was slipped into his annotated copy of his favourite book that Y/N bought him for christmas and annotated herself, leaving little doodles and notes and highlights everywhere, underlining quotes that reminded her of him and of their relationship. He’s read it countless times, so Y/N knew he would find the poem eventually. It’s on a torn scrap of paper, thick and smooth to the touch so he knows it’s out of her favourite journal that she doesn’t go anywhere without. She must’ve been holding onto this poem for a while.

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors

And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other

And the voices that implore,

“You should be doing more”

To you, I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it

Harry must have read those five lines hundreds of times before he grabs his wallet and puts the piece of paper next to the polaroid he’s kept in there for months. It’s a snapshot from New Years Eve; Harry’s wearing those silly glasses that have the year on them (how they manage to make the year work into glasses every single time he will never understand), Y/N has a pink party hat on and is wearing the biggest smile he’s ever seen whilst holding up a less than amused Clementine, their sparkling tree slightly visible behind Y/N’s head. Their first christmas. The first of many.

The couple fall into a comfortable rhythm with each other, Y/N going to work most days and not getting back until late where she finds Harry humming to himself in the kitchen, perfecting his culinary skills due to his newfound free time.

They work in sync, as soulmates. Twin flames, as Harry’s mum once described them. Always there for each other. Always grateful for each other.

It’s days like this that Y/N is grateful for Harry.

It had been one of those days. One of those weeks. One of those months if she’s completely honest with herself. She had been under so much stress from work that she could barely think of anything other than profit margins, balance sheets, assets, and income statements. Over the past year or so since her and Harry had become official, she had slowly climbed the ranks within the corporation. Something she was indefinitely proud of herself for, but something that also came with a shedload more work to do and seemingly even less time to do it in. When she set out into the business sector, she knew this would be one of the consequences- the seemingly endless amount of paperwork and meetings- but she was exhausted.

It was tiring having to put on this stony, headstrong persona every day.

Her only reprieve was that Harry never expected that of her. Didn’t particularly want her to have to be either. He wanted her in her most natural state; relaxed, overwhelmingly sarcastic, and lying propped up next to him watching Criminal Minds reruns. He would never hold her to the expectations everyone else did. He loved her too much.

Harry knew as soon as Y/N walked -more like stumbled- through the door what kind of day she had had. It was visible in the tenseness of her shoulders, the furrow of her brow, the way she didn’t even acknowledge him as she entered. His poor sweet girl.

He didn’t move from his position on the couch, guitar on his lap and pages of song lyric ideas spread around him like confetti, knowing that she would need a moment to herself before her personal space was invaded anymore than it already had been throughout the day. A huff of frustration exited her pouted lips as she struggled to unbuckle her mary janes, the tiniest problem tipping the iceberg and causing an onslaught of overwhelmed tears gushing from her eyes.

This was what had him springing up from the couch, nearly tripping over himself to get to her on time. “Oh, sweet girl, come here. Had a shit day?”, his tone was gentle and held no teasing- that was the last thing she needed at that moment. Her sniffling and teary eyes seemed to only increase with his words, giving her the metaphorical space she needed to break down in front of him. She knew Harry would never judge her for crying. She could be vulnerable in front of him- not weak, crying did not make her weak. He never expected anything from her. They could just exist in their little bubble of sweet nothings.

“Come on, deep breaths. In and out, there we go. What’s up, honey? What happened? Talk to me.” He knew sometimes she would have off days; days where she didn’t feel like herself, days where she just needed a good cry. But he always made her talk to him about it. He didn’t have any power to control her work problems. If there was nothing he could do apart from listen to her, at least he could do that. His mum had also told him many moons ago that talking about things always helped, and it’s something that’s always stuck with him.

“I just- I’m so-” she manages a few jumbled words between sniffles, huffing frustratedly once again before breathing deeply and getting her words out somewhat fluently, “There’s just so much more shit work that comes with this new promotion. And it’s not that I’m not happy in my job or don’t want it because I love my job! You know I do. I think I just underestimated how much more would be loaded onto me to do in the same time frame as before.” She rubs irritatedly at her eyes, not caring about the mascara she’s probably smushing all over her face. Harry’s seen her in far worse states, so she’s not too fussed.

He nods along with her words sympathetically, rubbing her back delicately and using his other thumb the stroke her knee in soothing patterns, grounding her before she goes on.

“And, and they just want so much from me. We have all these new investors coming in and I am the only woman in my team, so I end up with all the shit work while those guys get off scot free. We do the same fucking job and it just. I don’t want to be whiny but it’s just not fair. I’m normally fine with it- expect it even- but it’s just too much. They're expecting too much from me and I can’t do it.”

At her admission of not being able to do something, Y/N breaks down in another set of tears. She hates not being able to do things. She pushes and pushes herself to be the best she can be, and it’s something Harry has always admired about her. It also means, however, that she holds herself to unreasonable standards that she’s never happy with. Nevermind others setting expectations for her. He hates that she beats herself up over not being good enough. To him, she’s everything.

“Sweet girl, it’s okay. It’s not fucking okay that you get landed with all those dickhead’s paperwork. Not okay at all. But it is okay to admit that you’re struggling. You don’t need to be perfect. You are more than enough. I think you’re everything, sunshine. And if those fuckers can’t see it then bollocks to them. But, Y/N, sweetheart, you don’t need to keep running yourself in circles over not being good enough. God, you’re just the most wonderful person. Everything I’ve ever wanted and more.”

Harry feels his heart break a little bit more when Y/N looks up at him with red-rimmed eyes, tears staining her cheeks, and smudges of mascara across her cheekbones. His thumb comes up to wipe them away whilst she continues to sniffle to herself, “I don’t deserve you, Harry.”

“Stop that bullshit right now. We deserve each other. We love each other. And that’s enough. Couldn’t care less what any big shot executive has to say about you. If nothing else, we have each other. S’all we need, my love” He presses a kiss to each of her slightly damp cheeks, one to her forehead and another to her plush lips, freshly swollen from the amount of crying she’s gone through.

“I love you, H. I know I come across like some stone cold bitch, but I’m just- I’m soft too, you know? Thank you for letting me be that with you.” His heart breaks even more at this, he can’t even bring himself to respond so he just tugs her into his chest and burrows his face into her hair, pressing kisses to the crown of her head and wishing he could just keep her there to protect her from everything big and scary in the world.

He is her home, as she is his.

best song on midnights. i make the rules.

i love these two and i loooove reverse grumpy sunshine

[abiiors]

revenge. this is a rough draft of soemthing im working on

"I love you."

Silence is deafening; there's nothing I can say. Nothing, I should say; I can't hurt him, but I can't keep him either. He's not just my fluffy anymore. He's Matty Healy of the 1975, rockstar and musical genius, member of one of the fastest-growing British rock bands in recent times. Matty is famous now, or more famous than he was before, and I am no longer the mysterious best friend mentioned in the odd interviews about Denise’s teen son. I have a name and a face, a career, and a band. I can't taint his image or muddy his chances.

Matthew Healy isn't mine anymore. Now the whole world and the whole industry want him. It would be wrong of me to take that from him.

"Are you going to say it back? Please?" eyes pleading with me, looking scared and vulnerable. Why did you have to do this, Matty? Why did you have to tell me what I have ached to hear for so long now, right now, so late?

Hands shaking, I don't trust my voice, I don't trust my mind, and right now I'm not sure I even trust him.

"How long?" God, I sound so fucking pathetic right now, my voice unsteady and breathy, trying to contain the whirlwind of emotions I'm feeling right now.

"I-what?  Why?"

Of course he doesn't know; of course he needs to ask: why would he know that I had been patiently waiting for those words for 7 years? Through 3 girlfriends and so many one-night stands, I waited for him. It's really pathetic; I should have moved on long ago. And every time I come back to him, Of course he waits until I can't have him to say it.

"How long have you loved me?" monotone, I don't know how else to do this—to rip out my own heart and his at the same time.

"15. I was 15 when I started feeling for you like this. When you came down and excitedly showed Adam the new guitar riff you had learned, " a break, it took everything I had to not sob, to not break right here. To know that he and I could have been something. " I didn't know what it was, not until we started exchanging essays. I was 17 years old, and you were the smartest person I had known, the kindest, and the prettiest. You were ranting about something, and it just clicked for me."

And I realise I can't do this, not to him or to myself; I can't tell him no, but I have to, and it's going to destroy me. I can't take him from the people who idolise him, his fans who scream his name every show, and those who dedicate tattoos to him. I can't take him from the industry, tie him down, and make him committed to me; relationships and work never mix; I can't be the reason he has to slow his career down; being friends with me propels him into opportunities; dating me ruins them. I can't ruin him; I can't ruin the chances he and the boys have to be something big and truly amazing.

There are going to be hundreds of people like me who are average in every way. But there's only one of him, one fluf—Matty, only one Matty. And he deserves someone just as extraordinary as him, as beautiful, smart, kind, and sweet, someone with the same talent and creativity. Someone better than me

"...why?" I'm not really sure what I'm asking. Just that I'm asking, relying on his uncanny ability to know what I need and what to ask.

"Gizmo? I love you because you are you. No other reason, perfectly flawed, you are my everything."

"That's not a reason," is it? Is that a reason? Maybe it is; maybe I'm being difficult on purpose to make it easier for me. There's no maybe about it.

"I wish you said something sooner."

Confusion and sudden fear in his eyes, staring at me, hair in his face. He looks so innocent.

"I love you too," his face lights up, moving to stand, but it all disappears quickly with the next few words that fall like rocks to the bottom of a pond. "But I can't date you. It wouldn't be fair."

"What?!" he's yelling, and I can't blame him for being confused and angry about what I expected.

"You deserve more; you need more. "You're so early in your career, and I'm not going to stop you from becoming something amazing."

Face softening, eyes dulling

I can't do this; I can't watch him while I rip his heart out, knowing it could so easily be fixed if I just gave in. If I just let myself be selfish, but I can't, this is more than me; this is our jobs, our bands, and our fans.

"So... is this it? For us? This weird limbo?"

"I think so; for what it's worth, I have been hopelessly in love with you since you were 17."

A mirthless laugh; it's truly ironic, sitting in the middle of my bedroom, a room we had shared so many warm moments, loving moments, soft moments, hard times, and great comforts.

"If I had just asked earlier... fuck." 

"Find a girl who's worth it. Someone prettier, smarter, and more talented than me, someone you deserve, because now there are so many options, so much better than average me."

"There's not anyone like that. Not for me. "It's always going to be you."

"Fluff-Matty, there is; you'll find them. And they'll make you happier than I ever could."

"I won't Jesus fuck, can't you see? Why do you insist on constantly throwing yourself to the bottom? Why won't you just be selfish for fucking once?"

"I-" What am I supposed to say? I can't tell him what I want to; I can't tell him that I long to be able to be selfish, to decide to choose myself over him; I just can't.

"No. dont. Stop and listen. If I could, I would dedicate every single moment of my life to you. If you just let me, I would devote myself to loving you, so why won't you?"

And that's exactly why, he needs to be devoted to his music, to his job, to everyone in the band, and to the fans.

"Because you are something great, and I have always known that, before I could be selfish, I could let myself love you because you were my fluffy; now, we don't get to do that anymore. This never bothered you with your other girlfriends. It shouldn't bother you now."

A low blow, and I know it. I know I encouraged him to find people, helped him go on dates, and gave him tips on how to make a girl swoon, all to hopefully, selfishly, figure out what I could do for him. But it was a fair point—why hadn't he asked me then instead of them?

"Why did you choose them then? Why is it now that you've decided you want me? I waited for you for so long. I tried to tell you, but every time you brought a new girl home, I lost hope. I truly believed you only saw me as a friend. So why is it now that you can't find someone new?"

He's crying, and I feel awful. It's not fair of me to blame him; it's not fair of me to absolve myself of guilt; I didn't ask him; I was never brave enough; I never timed it right. And now look at us.

"I'm sorry, I was scared to ruin everything that we had. You've been my constant, my best friend; I didn't want to lose that."

"Were both pretty shit, huh?"

A sob, maybe a laugh, I can't tell, sitting in front of him. I want to reach out like I have a million times before to hold and comfort him, but I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that anymore. But I don't have to wonder any longer. His arms are around me, his face buried in my neck, soft breaths,

"We are"

Sitting in silence, hugging him, holding him, I'd like to pretend Thai was happy, that I'd said yes, that we could be together. But we can't, not right now; maybe later; maybe never; maybe if one of us had said something sooner.

Pulling away, I look at him.

"Maybe you aren't a terrible person." A long pause, and he's staring at me, eyes wide, mouth open, going to say something. He knows I never thought of him as terrible; maybe this isn't even directed at him. Its not. I'm talking to myself now. And he knows it.

"Maybe you're just 23." Don't do this. Don't do this. You can still go back, shut up, and talk to him. Stop doing this...

"Then again, so am I."

And that's it. That's us, forever more than friends and less than lovers, because I'm a coward and a liar, telling him it was about his career. A fuckin liar, sure, that's part of it; he really deserves someone better, more than me, and now he has the option, but also, I know hell find someone, and I don't want to be left in the dust when he does.

I'm scared, and I'm a coward, afraid that he will leave me for someone better. And so I run and hide, just like always, tell him I can't, and make up a litany of excuses that I'm sure he knows are excuses.

"Can we pretend, just for tonight?" … I have no right to tell him that, but he smiles, nods, and pulls me close, and I feel warm and safe, even though I know I shouldn't.

"I'll wait for you," an understanding whisper pressed to my neck as we both lay down, face to face, tangled with each other.

"I'll wait until you're not scared anymore. I'm not going anywhere."

I cry. What else am I supposed to do when he is still so gentle with me, still so sweet?

"Can we stay the same? Fluffy and gizmo?"

"Nothing is going to change, sweetheart, I promise."

how dare—HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME READ THAT

JAIL

STRAIGHT TO JAIL

PRISON FOR A 100 YEARS

[jivvin]

if you're willing to do the music ask thing, I'd also love a Playlist from you as well. If doing them all is too much, just do the questions you like the most. :D

oh man, this sure was a ride <3

1: A song you like with a color in the title

Charles Brown - Black Night. it's double damage, 'cause the artist's name also has a colour in it ;p

2: A song you like with a number in the title

Steeleye Span - Seven Hundred Elves

3: A song that reminds you of summertime

Cesaria Evora - Sangue de Beirona

4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

i don't have anything quite like that, but this one - Michal Oginski - Polonaise Farewell - reminds me of someone departed, thinking of whom is still painful, so i don't listen to it often

5: A song that needs to be played LOUD

Ida Maria - Oh My God

6: A song that makes you want to dance

Florence + The Machine - Free

7: A song to drive to

i can't and don't drive, but this is what i imagine would be a cool track to drive to: Wormview - Ashes and Diamonds

8: A song about drugs or alcohol

again, can't recall anything quite like that. SIAMÉS - The Wolf is a great song though, about addiction in general

9: A song that makes you happy

Meg Rock - Clover

10: A song that makes you sad

Neutral - Luna

11: A song that you never get tired of

Caravan Palace - Miracle. don't know if i'll never get tired of it, but there was definitely a time when i was listening to it a lot and often, and i still love it

12: A song from your preteen years

Sum 41 - Fat Lip

13: One of your favorite 80’s songs

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill

14: A song that you would love played at your wedding

honestly never given it any thought or whatever, but i guess this is a nice wedding-vibe song: Beach Boys - God Only Knows

15: A song that is a cover by another artist

Hannah Gill - Somebody That I Used to Know. i love the original, but there's just something about this cover, man

16: One of your favorite classical songs

and here's where i out myself as the most basic bitch imaginable, but Eric Satie - Gnosienne no.1

17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

i absolutely cannot imagine myself singing karaoke, let alone with another living person( sorry, but this is the one that genuinely stumped me, i can't even come up with an interesting alternative here

18: A song from the year that you were born

Queen - The Show Must Go On

19: A song that makes you think about life

Alex Wurman - Ending

20: A song that has many meanings to you

The National - Sorrow

21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title

Anaïs Mitchell & Jefferson Hamer - Willie's Lady

22: A song that moves you forward

Антитіла - Все красиво

23: A song that you think everybody should listen to

Go_A - Solovey

24: A song by a band you wish were still together

Високосный год - Метро. i not so much wish they were still together, as i wish they'd done more than 1 album over their entire career

25: A song by an artist no longer living

Connie Boswell - I Cover the Waterfront. this is probably the category where i could go on for an especially long time lol

26: A song that makes you want to fall in love

not sure if i've ever gotten this kinda feeling from a song, but Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes - Home is one of my favourite love songs, and i think it captures well this warm, upbeat feeling love is theoretically supposed to give you

27: A song that breaks your heart

Лея - Підмінок. definitely cried at this one

28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love

Rammstein - Haifisch

29: A song that you remember from your childhood

Oda Kanako - Moonlight Densetsu (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

30: A song that reminds you of yourself

well, that's easy: Gotye - Smoke and Mirrors

[mitamicah]

7, 17, and 38!!!!!

Eyyyy, hi Blu :D!!

7. what bands/artists have you seen in concert?

Quite a few tbh :'D but of bands people might know I've seen System of a Down, Green Day (4 or 5 times), All Time Low (4 times?), Prophets of Rage, Rob Zombie, Alter Bridge, Rammstein, Avenged Sevenfold, Nightwish, Kraftwerk, A Day to Remember, Ed Sheeran (2 or 3 times *ones where I got to take pictures with my bigass camera*), Of Monsters And Men, FIDLAR, Flogging Molly, ONE OK ROCK (twice), Lindsey Stirling, Lord of the Lost...

And yes, many more I cannot recall x'D

17. what song in your playlist sounds like this 💖❤️🥰🤩💘💕 but the lyrics are 🖤🩸⛓💣🗡🪨

This one again x'D (sorry for the reaction, it is just the third time I got this question x'D) luckily there's enough fluffy angst songs out there x'D

Who wants to hear a danish song for this :3?

Okay I am not sure if it fits the 'fluffy' aesthetic but it is quite vibey ^V^ It is called Evelyn by Julie Maria and it is about a girl who is walking down a dark and lonely road after having all of her dreams crushed - I swear I am sane x'D

38. did one of your favorite bands/artists do a cover???? tell me about it!!!

They did :3 All Time Low have made quite a few but I especially dig their Blinding Lights cover :D!!! It is pretty close to the original but with guitars and I approve of that decision x'D

Green Day too have also made a lot of covers :3 Two songs that are almost always found on their setlist, Shout and Knowledge, are covers x'D Shout is fun since it comes after this song about dressing in drag so often the entire band will be dressed in boas, bras and big hats x'D

Knowledge is an old punk song from the 80s that was popular at the local scene where Billie Joe and Mike (singer and bassist respectively) grew up - the band [Operation Ivy] sadly didn't live more than a couple of years but Green Day keeps the song alive and even asks the crowd if anybody knows it then getting a lucky person on stage to play the song and then they often are gifted the guitar they played on :'D (can you tell I've been very big fan of these guys and their antics for years x'D?) hahahah

[gunilslaugh]

Q&A :)

Q&A! Thanks to everyone who sent questions :)

Q: I'm curious if you have any favorite XH members when it comes to writing?

A: No specific member comes to mind right away, but there is a soft spot in my heart for Hyeongjun.

Q: What motivates your writing, like what keeps you up and going!

A: 1st my love for xdinary heroes. 2nd I like creating stories that others can enjoy. 3rd the support, whenever someone says that they like my blog and writing it really motivates me to keep on writing. 

Q: Do you speak any other languages other than English?

A: I’m only fluent in English, but I am currently learning French :) and I speak a little Spanish too!

Q: Congrats on 100 followers! What's your favorite trope to write about?☺️

A: I’m not quite sure, but I think friends to lovers is always cute!

Q:Do you have a bias in XDH??? I personally cannot decide. Everytime I think I chose a bias, the others swoop in and take the spot 😅

A: No, I don’t have a bias, they're all too loveable!!!

Q:I was wondering. Do you play any instruments? Even if it's a work in progress or you can only play like two notes, I’m genuinely curious. Any instruments you wanna learn?

A: I used to play violin when I was a child from ages 5-7 I think. Playing the piano always seemed like it would be fun.

Q:Do you live in the United States?? Just curious tbh

A: Yes I do.

Q:My questions are how did you become a villain and what made you open this account and start writing? 💚

A: I’m already a fan of other jype groups, so I watched “Origin of Xdinary Heroes” teaser  when it was released in November 2021 then I found out that they were gonna be a band and that sold me. I was really excited to hear what their sound would be like and once they debuted I was obsessed with Happy Death Day, which solidified me being a villian.

I opened this account because I always created stories/scenarios in my head and I just had the thought. What if I wrote them down and posted them? I found that Xdinary Heroes didn’t have many writers for them and I felt like they were a group I could easily write for so I just gave it a shot and it has turned out wonderfully. ❤ 

Q:what's your top 5 xdinary heroes' songs and which content from them do you like the most? ❤️

A: Wait, why is picking top 5 songs so hard!? (This list could change on a daily basis lol)

-Sucker Punch! (first song that came to mind)

-Zzz

-Good Enough

-Crack in the Mirror 

-Strawberry Cake

Honorable mention: the rest of their songs

I like their Rock The World content the most, it can be so chaotic I love it.

Q: Which members are the easiest and hardest to write about? Or it doesn't matter?

A: Thankfully It’s easy for me to write about any member. I think Gunil might be the easiest to write for. Maybe it’s because I named my blog after him lol. For the hardest maybe Jooyeon because he’s a shy goofball who can also be a menace, still very fun to write for him though.

Q: When did you first get into XDH??

A: Technically I guess you would say pre-debut like I stated in a previous answer I watched their teaser and became invested.

[strangestcase]

2, 5, 7, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 20. hm that's a lot. well do whoever you want (i think i know some of your ocs but not many..). or do a combination. or anything.... idk 🫡

I'm going to do it for Sunny and Gloomy because I've been hopelessly obsessed with them since I created them in 2022 (well. "created" "them". public domain character(s) and whatnot).

(For context, Sunny/Gloomy is a version of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde that came to me in a dream and that I've been slowly turning into an OC; the gist of the world they live in is a comedy horror parody of classic monster cinema.)

2- Say your OC made a playlist on Spotify. What bands would be on that playlist? Any specific genres?

Sunny's playlist is a horrific combination of 60s hits, disco, Weird Al, and musical songs. After Here comes the sun and Mr. Blue Sky you get hit with Feed me (git it).

Gloomy pretends to have a dignified, high-brow music taste, but his playlist would be a disjointed collection of songs compiled from villain playlists on spotify. If the Jekyll and Hyde musical was canon in his world (it isn't because, well, there's no Jekyll and Hyde book if Jekyll and Hyde is real and happening in the 2010s), he'd have like four different recordings of Alive in there.

5- What's their favorite type of weather? Do they like to do anything specific on days when the weather is how they like it?

Ironically enough, Sunny prefers fresh, cloudy days in which the sun is sliiightly obscured by big puffy clouds -perfect for going on long walks alone or with one of his three friends-. Meanwhile, Gloomy prefers dark skies and rain. Thunderstorms as well. He'll go outside, no umbrella, no raincoat, and get soaked to the bone. It's fine. Strong immune system and whatnot.

7- What kind of animals would they like as a pet? What names would they give their pets if they got any? If they already have pets, what are their names?

He 100% would like to have a pet but he's not entirely sure what kind of pet. Probably something fun like a ferret, which Sunny would like to call Marshmallow or Velvet. Of course, if Gloomy got any word in it, the poor animal would go by Dementia by the rest of its days.

12- If they were an actual character in an animated film or TV series, who would they be voiced by? Do they have a certain accent that the person would need to perfect?

Sunny is voiced by Rick Moranis, no question. Well, young Rick Moranis, as a more joyful, faux-nice version of his Seymour Krelborn. Gloomy is voiced by Kelsey Grammer doing a similar performance to his Sideshow Bob, but deeper and with more grit to it, OR Anthony Warlow for obvious reasons. Both would have to have a Standard Castilian Spanish accent, though not too blatant, since this is a guy that has lived in England for years.

16- If your OC was a film director, what kind of movies would they make?

Some Skinamarink, Perfect Blue, Mother! shit.

What? You thought Sunny would make something wholesome? Sunny?

17- If your OC was a musical artist, what genres would they do?

I mean- Sunny is literally showtunes themed. Meanwhile Gloomy would do power rock ballads.

19- Does your OC like to collect things? What kind of things do they collect?

The short answer is that he doesn't really collect anything of note. Either he's too focused on other stuff to collect things, or he just forgets... he hasn't collected anything proper since he was a teen, back in the early 2000s. I think he used to collect Pokémon cards and bottle caps but eventually lost interest. He does tend to acummulate test tubes, blades, and notebooks, but that's less of a true collection and more like... stuff he uses regularly and stashes.

The long answer is that he DOES collect stuff but... "collect" is a bit of a stretch. See, Gloomy sometimes brings little "trophies" with himself after maiming someone- fingernails, ears, teeth, clumps of hair, pieces of skin, pieces of clothes, personal effects. Sometimes. And then he shoves them into a drawer that would otherwise be empty, in Sunny's bedroom. This secret serial killer stash, for a lack of a better term, has become one of the many oddities hidden around the house. Usually Sunny kinda... forgets about it until he opens it in search of clean socks, or until someone opens it thinking he hides porn in there or something. His reactions to these occurences are "ah, right, that, I forgot it was there" and "OH SHIT OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THAT FUCK SHIT FUCK" respectively.

I think he would like to collect marbles.

20- Was your OC inspired by anything? Another character? A person?

Well...

Specifically, Sunny/Gloomy is -as I've said before- based off a dream I had, in which I watched a Jekyll and Hyde musical play. Jekyll appeared to be Daniel Collins from the Old Vic dance adaptation, and Hyde looked like musical!Hyde.

While the general gist of the character is a personal spin on the original book Jekyll/Hyde, a LOT of how I characterize Sunny/Gloomy is based off of movie adaptations and fanonization. Oftentimes to take the piss on them.

[the-a-archives]

it is you! I am so happy.

your writing was beautiful as I expected. And I loved all details.

delete what isn’t you and rebirth was is you. I can help since I remember a lot of the topics you wrote essays on.

firstly, we can start slow. Update me on how you are now after these years. Clothing change, music change, hobbies, tv shows, BOOK!!!! I remember you read a lot.

I'm so happy as well.

You flatter what is rusty, however, an admirable flaw of yours.

I'm shocked you remember so much after all these years.

I believe a lot has changed since the pandemic, and if you remember how I was in 2019-latest, then I am almost not the same person you knew. But I'll go in order since I'm not good at talking about myself.

Since the pandemic started, I suppose there has been some highs and lows in regards to changes. Mentally, I feel like maybe we've taken a few steps back, but I think that came from paranoia of being in the house (unwillingly) 24/7. The lock-down was very hard on me, since I enjoy things like morning walks, drinking my coffee outside, and other things.

My attitude also took a left turn for quite sometime, and for a while I was quite mean to both myself and others. It became a plague of a habit, and my bitterness was a projection of my own struggling mental illnesses. For a moment of time, I found myself thinking I was 16 and in a not-so-good environment once again, and me defending myself constantly against nothing affected my relationships with many people.

Though, some of the people I had gotten involved with at this time deserved the way I was acting. And I don't think being in their presence helped this temporary philosophy I was fulfilling. Kill or be killed. But starting 2021, I began to attempt this journey on reclaiming myself, except with my horrible memory on who I once was, the journey was abandoned two months in. I then began this phase of pretending to be other people in hopes that it would remind me of who I once was, I invested in music that was a distant memory for me, or music I had no knowledge of at all.

Rock was a big outlet for this, something about the fogginess of my subconscious mind mingled with the disruptiveness of these songs and stimulated me in a way that made going on day-to-day easier. Or at least, distracted me long enough to not dwell on anything too much. I remember delving back into a band named Bayside, and one of their songs sparked fond memories of be bonding with my mother.

Things were steady with this rediscovery of this stimulation. And eventually it bled into all aspects of my life. The way I dressed always seemed to reflect what I was listening to, I even had a period where I walked around in black-washed jeans (worst decision of my life) and a black biker-looking jacket that said the words 'CREATURE' on the back in these big, bold, green letters.

Someone was an edge-lord.

I then moved onto this Machine Gun Kelly phase of my life, I had discovered one of his songs back in 2020 when I was in a (regrettable) romantic relationship with an individual. The song was 'Bloody Valentine' and the familiarity of the pop-rock Travis Baker (his drummer) was known for itched this stimuli I was seeking at the time. I was like a teething baby in these moments, just sticking anything and everything in my mouth to sooth this gnawing yearn of being me again. The MGK phase remained until recently, and I still find myself appreciating his music every few months but I definitely don't seek it 24/7 like I used to.

My nicotine addiction had come back around this time, and I ruined my sobriety of 2 years with a cigarette after breaking up with that unfortunate situation of an individual. I remember the song I had blasted when taking that first smoke too, and the guilt in my chest when I realized what I was doing. The song was 'Actin' Like That', a collab Yungblud had with MGK at the time. I pathetically looped that songs into the hours of the morning during that break-up, and cringe at that to this day.

More recently, as in early-2023, I got sick of being someone I wasn't and attempted to drop the genre all together. But a part of me was comforted by the loudness in my day-to-day, and I soon realized I have created a dependency with music. I now listen to it almost 24/7, and have broken my Spotify wrapped countless time with how many minutes I put into the damn app. But despite my slight-comfort zone with rock, I dove head first into a genre that I knew nothing about and had no previous connections with.

For a minute, I tried rap, took some suggestions here and there and I remember the first person I listened to was Logic... or maybe Eminem. I only knew these two because I remembered you telling me how you listened to them on your daily runs, and how they kept you going. Yeah, I tried it with a song called 'Homicide'. . .

I didn't get far with that.

But recent, recently, I had remembered an artist you loved and decided to look him up. Три дня дождя. And the first song I listened to, I remember I fell in love with. It was Отпускай, and it was the first time I was fully relaxed and soothed by what I was listening to in a while. Granted, at the time I had no idea what this artist was saying, but over time I did research here and there to get a bare-boned understanding. And now, I find myself listening to his music everyday.

When I started listening to his music more, it reminded me of this brief moment we had where we shared music that reminded us of home. You had shared your music, and me not knowing a lick of Russian was so lost. Though, you were the same way, because for a good amount of time, the majority of the music I listened to was either classical or in French.

I remember you trying to sing in French, comedically horrific.

I've began listening to this songs again, and they've filled something within me that other genre's haven't done. But I'm grateful for exploring, because it's shown me an appreciation for what is out there, and it allows me to connect with others at a deeper level. I do have an artist for you however, when you can, you should pick up a modern composer Joshua Kyan Aalampour. He's magnificent, and I feel like you need music like that in your life other than that screamo you listen to (if you still do).

As for clothing, I think I've found my way back into this academic styling? Well, to be clear, I think the trending term for it now is Dark Academic. I find myself gravitating to browns and muted colors, rather than whites and bold colors like I used to. I don't wish to stand out anymore, it attracts unwanted attention and I find myself liking to keep to me and me only. But that doesn't mean I haven't recently given things like friend groups a try, I do remember you trying to convince me they aren't so bad. They're not... but I like choosing who I speak to instead of letting fate decide where we go, but that might be a defense mechanism. I am open to friends, I just get scared.

I have these black boots I wear almost regularly now, and they add a few inches to me, so instead of being 5'2, I am now 5'4! A big accomplishment if you ask me.

But that's still nothing compared to you since you're 6'2, ahah.

As for books, I no longer read fantasy as much as I used to, or Sci-Fi. I think I've outgrown some of those, but I do read a lot of fiction. That's it, just plain old fiction. I find myself reading a lot of Dostoevsky recently, you would be so happy to hear that I'm sure. Though I might be reaching an end to his books soon, I've read most of them. I might move onto Franz Kafka next, but you know me, I have to finish an author at a time.

Though, I do recommend a small literary sci-fi book called 'This Is How You Lose The Time War'. It's a nice sapphic telling, and it is very heart warming and by far one of my most favorite sci-fi romances. I don't really watch TV anymore, the most recent series of a show I've finished is Wednesday (2022). And that was a joy to watch, you know how much I adore The Addams Family. My taste in movies are still the same, horror movies and ones far before this time are still my go-to.

As for hobbies, I still love ice skating. And I enjoy writing, obviously. I might pick up some different sports, but I'm unsure. I don't think this realm of my life has changed much.

Oh! Before I go, I must tell you something that would shock you. I have pierced my face! Yes, I did it even after I said I would never. I have gotten lip piercings, and I do not regret them one bit. No, sir.

I believe you're caught up now!

Lovingly,

A.