#a conversation we've had many many MANY TIMES over the last 7 years

[stargazerdaisy]

It's midnight, on a Monday night, in August 2022, and once again, my husband and I are analyzing and bitching about Agents of SHIELD. I'm never actually getting over this show.

[ilyasorokinn]

elias andersen goes to the winter classics , freddie andersen

note, no reason for this. just wanted to write a winter classic fic. anyways, this fic is part of the "andersen adventures" series. check out this masterlist for more. another note, elias is 3 and alma is still in the womb. pair, freddie andersen x reader summary, elias andersen experiences his first winter classic game. warnings, kids/children, pregnancy, clingy!elias word count, 1621 words

gif credit to @jeffskinnerswh0re

(gif not mine)

This year's Winter Classic game was right in your backyard, so you didn't have to travel anywhere. And being 7, almost 8 months, Freddie was happy too.

Normally, he was protective of you, Elias, and Jasper, but with you being pregnant, that protective meter had gone up to 10,000.

"I can still be scratched." Freddie pointed out as he packed his bag. His parents, and practically the entire Andersen family, had flown in for the special game because the Canes had their annual father's trip and Ernst had flown in to be there for it.

They had been staying with you for the entire week, helping with Elias and giving you and Freddie time alone, which was well needed.

"Frederik, no." You shut him down, "I'll be fine. I'm not gonna be alone. We've invited everyone under the sun to be here. I'll be okay. Stop worrying." You reassured.

"I can't help it. I'm a worrier, I worry." He looked panicked as he wrapped you in a hug.

"Okay, well you can do your worrying elsewhere." You glanced at your phone and checked the time, "If you're late, you'll probably be scratched."

"Don't tempt me." He sighed, pressing a last kiss to your head before he pulled away and zipped up his bag, and set it by the door, "I'll see you later right?"

"Yeah, Eli can't wait. He's been telling everyone we meet that he's gonna skate with his papa."

"Everyone?" Freddie asked, raising a brow.

"The security guard at the mall and Eli are practically best friends." You nodded.

Freddie smiled, "I packed your car already, so everything is packed so you don't have to do anything."

"Awh, what a gentleman." You joked, wrapping your arms around his waist again, "I'll see you later."

"Later." He nodded, a look of panic still visible on his face.

"We're okay." You reassured, running a hand through his hair, something you did to Elias when he was upset which you learned early on was a trait he picked up from his father.

"I know." He nodded, practically folding in half and leaning his head down on your shoulder, "Don't want to, though." He muttered.

"Well, if you don't go to work, how else will we ever support our children?" You spoke dramatically.

He picked his head up to find you smiling, "Fine." He pulled away, "I'll see you later." He kissed your forehead before grabbing his bag by the doorway and heading towards Elias' room.

"I love you." You called after him. He stopped and turned around, hugging you again, then kissing his fingertips and pressing them to your bump.

"Love you both." He smiled. You leaned up and he met you halfway.

-

You left not long after Freddie but didn't see him for many hours. The family skate took place after the Canes practice on the ice for the first time.

He was decked out in his Andersen jersey, wearing his '31' beanie and his little hockey pads Freddie had ordered one night when he was emotional that Elias was growing.

"Look, there's papa." You pointed to the ice where Freddie was skating around with a few other teammates. All the other families were getting their skates on as well.

His parents were walking behind you, eyes wide as they took in the scene, "Papa." He wiggled, wanting to be put down.

Freddie looked up from his conversation and saw you walking over to the ice. He excused himself and skated over, "Hi, buddy." You lifted him over the barrier and handed him off to Freddie.

Elias refused to let go of your hand, so you stayed right where you were, "You excited to skate?" He nodded, a big smile on his face, "You smell like chocolate." Elias giggled as Freddie blew raspberries on his neck.

"He had some of those mini chocolate muffins in the car." You smiled as Elias tried to squirm away from Freddie's kisses.

Elias pulled away, his eyes trained on the ice where everyone else was beginning to skate, "Skate now?" He pointed.

"You want to skate?" Elias nodded, "All right, let's get your skates." Freddie fixed Elias' hat before skating to the exit and finding an empty spot on the bench.

You sat down and Freddie set him on your lap and tied Elias' skates, carefully lacing them and tightening them, but not too tight. His eyes were glued to the ice, pointing out every little thing that was happening.

"I know, wow." Your eyes widened when he pointed out a trick someone was doing on the ice.

"Skate, too?" Elias asked you.

"I don't know, bud." You pointed to your bump. He looked up at you with sad eyes, "Don't give me those eyes." You tickled his neck, causing him to giggle and try to move away from you.

"Mama probably shouldn't skate, bud," Freddie spoke up. He looked sad with that revelation, "But we'll have fun." You handed Elias off to Freddie, who carried him over to the ice.

Elias looked back at you, a frown on his face, "You'll have fun." You waved. He shook his head, reaching out for you. Freddie stopped and headed back over to you, "What's wrong, E?"

"Mama skate, too." He whined, cuddling into your neck.

You and Freddie shared a look, "What if I don't skate and just walk on the ice? Will that be better?" He pulled his head up and looked happier, "I guess that's our answer." You walked over to the entrance of the rink.

You handed Elias off to Freddie's mom, who was already on the ice and climbed onto the ice with Freddie's help. Elias skated around with his grandparents for a few laps before he began to cry and wanted to be held by you and only you.

You tried to hand him off to Freddie while you took off your jacket but Elias held onto you so tight he left imprints on you with his little nails, "All right, I won't put you down, but this won't be easy one-handed." Elias only gave you a smile, happy that you weren't putting him down.

You sighed. You walked around the ice with him, pointing out all the different things and letting him point out all the things he found interesting.

"So, he's in the clinger stage, huh?" One of the girls commented as she skated up next to you. Elias was, in fact, clinging to you like his life depended on it.

"You could say that." You chuckled, rubbing his back.

"Cherish it 'cause one day they won't be like this. All cuddly." You only smiled.

-

The next day, Freddie was out early for early practice, leaving you and Elias alone with all his family. You all hung out until it was time for the game.

You got him dressed in the outfit Freddie had meticulously crafted weeks in advance, wanting everything to be perfect. He was wearing his Andersen jersey and a Canes beanie with a pompom.

During the game, Elias' eyes, the same as his father's, were darting around everywhere. The day before, at the family skate, it wasn't hardly as electric as it was at that moment.

"Mama, look." He grabbed your arm and pointed up to something you couldn't quite see, but you played along.

"Wow, look at that." You gasped.

More than halfway through the second period, your eyes were on the ice and yet you still couldn't find the puck. You caught Freddie catching the puck and sending it down the ice to Turbo who was all the way down the ice.

Turbo shot it across to the other side to Nechas. The Caps player in front of them was trying to stop the puck but ended up tripping, giving Nechas time to shoot ot back over to Turbo, who took the shot.

You jumped up, cheering with everyone around you as the fans around you went crazy, "Did you see that, Eli?" You looked down at Elias, who looked confused, "Papa got an assist!" You cheered as the goal horn sounded.

-

After the game, Freddie was stopped before he got off the ice to do media, "Now, I think you might have set the record for how many family members you have here. How many do you have?"

Freddie chuckled, "Yeah, there's a lot. My wife and son, obviously. My parents, siblings, cousins, and my 75-year-old grandfather. pretty cool that he could make it out here. Means a lot to have them all here."

"Well, congrats to you. All the best."

"Thank you so much." Freddie nodded.

-

After the game, Elias was out. He had passed out sometime between the end of the game and media. Someone in your gigantic party had taken your car and driven everyone else home, so you waited for Freddie in his car.

You were playing soft music for Elias, so he would actually stay asleep and were startled when you heard the trunk open. You relaxed when you realized who it was.

Instead of heading to the driver's side, he made his way over to your side and opened the door. You smiled, "Did you have fun?"

"So much fun." He nodded, a smile on his face, "How's baby?"

"Baby's fine. A little hungry, but we had some fries and a sandwich."

"Good." He nodded, "And how was Eli?"

"He had fun. He was a little confused, but he had fun." You yawned, closing your eyes.

"All right, let's get you home." He leaned over and kissed your forehead.

"Wait, we're supposed to celebrate you. You got an assist!" Freddie smiled.

"We can celebrate tomorrow." He softly shut your door and headed over to the driver's side.

-

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[lantur]

updates,

I was pretty stressed last Saturday because I was feeling mentally burned out and exhausted and had to work for part of the day, representing my organization at an event and making a presentation :/ It ended up going well, I met some nice people, and got an interesting idea for my next work project. The rest of the day was wonderful - Derek and I played board games and went out for dinner at our favorite neighborhood Chinese restaurant. ❤️ We've been eating out a lot less over the last six months or so, just like once a month, so it was a special treat.

Sunday was a great day. I had a fun morning workout and went to a horror play at Theater Mu. I love them - they're the largest Asian American theater company in the Midwest and their shows are always so well written and acted. I'm really happy to have been able to attend more plays over the last six months or so. Living in a place with so many local theater companies is my favorite part of living in the Twin Cities.

I also made a new recipe for dinner that night that turned out super well - hot honey crispy baked salmon bowls with broccoli. :)

I have been limping and crawling through this work week. Work has been overwhelming for almost a month straight. I'm grateful to have a leadership role, but it's challenging and exhausting to not just work on my own solo projects and to-do list items, but to lead and support others every time they have a problem or need something, which is often.

This week also became challenging because my mom reached out to me on Tuesday night (a day after my last post on here where I said that I was sure I hadn't heard the last from her yet, ironically) and told me she was planning on moving to India later this year. I had to handle that conversation in a more polite way than "don't let the door hit you on your way out." Talking to her, as always, brought up a lot of negative feelings. She said she wants to see me before she leaves, but I held off on committing to that - partly because of the reason below.

On a more positive note, I had my long awaited appointment with my new OB-GYN yesterday :) I really like her. She's experienced, she's from the same culture as I am, and she left me feeling with a sense of knowledge and optimism about this whole pre-conception and conception process. I'm going to go off the pill when my current pill pack is over at the end of March and then start tracking my cycle to see what it is like, if/when I ovulate, etc. I have PCOS, so the question of whether I ovulate naturally is yet to be determined. I've been on the pill for my entire adult life and during my teenage years to treat PCOS, so I'm curious and a bit nervous to see what happens when I'm off it. I'm curious and excited to see if/when I could conceive this year.

I'm writing this while I wait at the airport for my flight to Tokyo. This trip snuck up on me after I booked it. As recently as last week, I thought that my trip was 3 weeks away - even though I theoretically knew it started on March 7. Then I realized March 7 was next Thursday and not 3 weeks away. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm really excited to have this time for myself. I push myself really hard at work, at home, and with personal development goals. I enjoy what I do. I like grocery shopping and cooking, I like working out, I like studying Spanish every day. I even like my job, most of the time. But sometimes it just feels exhausting to juggle it all, and it's so nice to take time where I'm not doing anything for anyone else but myself. :) It feels especially timely because I hope to start my master's in social work program in September, and I hope to possibly be growing the family by then too!

[maddipoof]

Chapter 7

Series Masterlist with summaries no warnings??? I don't think? Y/n has a past with the law....(as a 12 year old)

May 22, 1986

"Robin, did you sign the card yet?" y/n called over her shoulder.

"I haven't even woken up yet, you psycho." Robin grumbled face down into the bed.

"Steve's gonna be here in like an hour and you haven't even signed the card."

"Sign it for me. Let me rest, you incessant wench."

"Such language!" y/n feigned offense with her hand over her chest. "I can't sign it for you, he'll know."

"Then just do an X, like the Victorian children," she moved around so she could get back to sleep, "the illiterate ones, in the sweatshops."

Y/n groaned in defeat, "Five minutes, you have five minutes then you have to get up and sign the card and get dressed."

"Yes, mom."

"I thought that was Steve?"

"Fine, dad."

"You are so mean in the morning."

"Tell me about it. Good night!" She threw the pillow over her head and went back to sleep.

***

"Y/n, Robin! Steve's here," Her mom yelled from the top of the steps. 

"Steeeeve!" Eloise ran up to him and jumped on him.

"Wheeeze!" He hugged her back.

"Why is my dearest, darling, niece trying to steal my boyfriend?" Y/n asked Robin 

while they gathered up everything to bring.

"I don't know but I think your whole family is trying to take him." Once they got all the way up the stairs he pointed to the kitchen table where Steve was talking with them all. "Just look." Eloise sat on his leg while he talked to her dad, James. Her mom, sister and grandma whispered in the corner, looking far too suspicious for her taste, while Eloise was playing with Frog. Steve looked up from his conversation and smiled at her. He set Eloise down when he saw how much she and Robin were carrying and went over to help. 

"Thank you," She kissed him quickly as he took the bags. Robin held out her bag and pouted but Steve shook his head.

"Wha-Why?"

"Sorry Rob, that is a girlfriend privilege." He shrugged in mock apology.

"But I am your girl, space, friend."

"Well this is a boy, no space, or hyphen, whatever you're into, friend job."

"Wow, look at our little grammarian over here." y/n praised then went into the 

kitchen to say goodbye to her family. Steve's face took a confused expression.

"I thought I was a taurus but ok?" Robin and y/n tried to suppress their laughter as they called their goodbye's to everyone in the other room.

***

"Oh, Steve! You're just on time." Joyce said as she welcomed them in.

"Hey, Mrs. Byers." "Hi, Mrs. Byers." Steve and Robin said in unison. 

"How many times do I have to tell you Joyce is fine. More than fine, actually 'Mrs. Byers' makes me feel old." She turned and waved her hand for them to follow to the couch. "Dustin just got here and Nancy and Jonathan went out to get the ice cream cake soooo I think that's the perfect chance for us," meaning her and Hopper, "to meet your new friend, we've heard a lot about her and still haven't met her."

"She's just putting the finishing touches on Will's card. I'll go get her." He turned for the door and Robin went into the kitchen to help bring some of the food out. Joyce caught his elbow before he could leave.

"I-I just wanted to let you know how much it means to these kids that you're around. I know you probably know that already but they just adore you. And, um, I know it's still a little weird, y'know, you, Nancy, Jonathan. But you've really grown up Steve, you're a good kid." She smiled up at him and he smiled back. "Now go get your girl, I wanna meet her." He nodded and sped out the door as y/n was adding the last strokes of shading to the lily-of-the-valley. 

"You ready?" He leaned into the open window to admire her work.

"Yep," she added the final dot before adding some more and mumbled about 'of course i'm not stalling, pfft, what're you talking about."

"You don't have to be nervous, Joyce is literally the nicest woman you'll ever meet."

"I know, I've been told and duh of course she is, Will had to get it from somewhere." 

He rolled her eyes at her favoritism but she knew he had a favorite too. "But, honestly, I'm more nervous about meeting her than your parents."

"What do you mean?"

"Like with them, it was obviously a surprise so I didn't have the time to get myself worked up about it. And when you talk about them, which is basically never unless you've been drinking beer that's way too cheap to not be a safety concern, I knew what to expect. Like I wasn't expecting exactly that but I was expecting aloof, a little arrogant, rude." He nodded along so she wouldn't feel bad about talking about his parents. "But now, I expect everything, so what if they don't think I'm good enough?"

"I can absolutely guarantee you they'll love you." He smiled before opening the door and holding his hand out for her. He led her in and she saw how much love could be in one simple room with Will's artwork and Jonathan's photography lining the shelves and walls. While y/n was admiring the room Joyce came out from the kitchen. "Hi, you must be y/n, I've heard so much about you from the kids, and Steve. I'm Joyce."

Y/n held out her hand to shake and Joyce took it but just pulled her into a hug. She looked at Steve wide-eyed and he just shrugged and mouthed 'told you. She's a hugger.'

"I've heard so much about you from them, too." Joyce finally let her go and showed her where everyone else was. Steve took her hand as Joyce led them down the hall. He bent down to whisper, "Just wait till you meet Hopper."

"Steve, my love," she put a hand to his chest while looking up at him, "You're killing me here." 

Hopper came out of the kitchen holding a bowl of fruit salad. He smiled gruffly at Steve, "Hello Steve, staying out of trouble?"

"Of course, um, Chief." 

Hopper looked around Steve to see y/n. He laughed harder than Steve has ever seen him laugh and Steve reached back to take her hand but she'd already had to lean against the wall to support herself, she was laughing so hard. "Oh this is a good one, kid." Joyce took the bowl so he wouldn't spill it everywhere.”This is a real good one,” he wheezed. "What're you doing here?" He wiped the tears from under his eyes.

"Will invited me, and also," she gestured to Steve, "his plus one."

"I heard the name but I didn't know it was you. Well, I hoped it wasn't you."

"Tough luck, Hop." 

Joyce and Steve just watched the whole interaction unfold with very confused looks going back and forth between them. "You two...know each other," Joyce asked.

"Oh we go way back. What was it '76?" Hopper asked.

"I believe you called it the Terror of '77, or at least Flo did." He shook his head and laughed.

"This kid running around all of Hawkins, stealing her mom's art supplies and scrawling Sex Pistols songs all over the playground. Then, what, like 5 years later? The Scourge of '82-"

"Nope, nope that's enough of that. Haha, that's another story for another very, very, very, far off time." She laughed awkwardly and cleared her throat. She took Steve by the wrist and brought him outside.

Both Steve and Joyce asked what happened at the same time. Hopper and y/n had the same answer, "I'll tell you later."

***

The party was in full swing once everyone else arrived. Joyce had y/n and El glued to her sides. It was especially helpful that they all knew sign so they could communicate without having to shout over the music and other conversations. Steve barely saw y/n since she was having so much fun talking to everyone and helping Joyce with anything she needed. Once it was finally time for gifts she gave hers after the kids and Robin went.

"Ok so I don't know if this is exactly what you wanted, but I thought you could try it and see if you like it, then we can try something else if you don't." She said just as a precaution that turned unnecessary after she saw the way his face lit up at the abounding art supplies, especially the paints he'd been talking about for weeks.

"How did you find it? I've been looking everywhere."

"It was quite a feat, but nothing too terrible. So you like it?"

"I love it!" She wasn't prepared for the hug that knocked her back a little. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Mhmm, anything for my favorite," she said extra quietly and they both laughed. 

"Don't tell Mike." They both pulled back and he went around the table. "Go look at the card. It's from me and Robin. She wrote most of it but you can tell which parts I wrote."

To Will (The Wise)

You're literally one of, if not the coolest people we've ever met. Everything you paint and draw has so much love and care and inspiration behind it. It's amazing. We just wanted to let you know that you're really the best and you can come to us for anything.

Love,

Two girls with eyes only for Phoebe Cates (And Vickie) (And Steve)

P.S. You're our favorite, but don't tell the rest of them. We hope your birthday is as SPECTACULAR as you are.

He sniffled a little and hugged both of them. Joyce held a hand over her heart and Hopper put a hand on her shoulder. Steve set his present down next, then put an arm around y/n's waist with his hand resting on her hip. It was atrociously wrapped but Will was so excited when he saw the edge popping through the wrapping paper. It was a book he'd mentioned once, a few weeks ago. 

"I forget what the name was," Steve told y/n as he paced his basement. He started snapping and whispering names towards the ceiling, "I know it starts with an S, (samurai?) No, that's not it, it's something weird. (Samaritan? Salamander?) No but close. Something like that."

"What does it sound like? Do you know what it's about?"

"I asked Eddie, he said it's like the Elf Bible. Sel? Sal? I don't know. " He flopped down onto the couch in defeat.

"The Silmarillion?"

"Yes! That's it!" He jumped out of his seat. "Oh my god, I love you. But now where do we find it?"

"We can try the bookstore near my old school. They have a lot of stuff like that." 

So off they went on the not so short drive to the Rare and Antique Bookstore. They found the one with the best illustrations and Steve refused to let y/n wrap it.

"This is it! Steve this is perfect! Thank you so much." He hugged Steve too and then opened his other gifts.

At the end of the night Hopper and Steve had to pull Joyce and y/n apart. They kept talking and cleaning and wrapping leftovers and shoving tupperwares into the hands of the unsuspecting kids. "Just one second. I'll wrap this then we'll go." 

"You said that three plates ago."

"I didn't mean it three plates ago, I mean it now-WAH!" She yelped as Steve threw her over his shoulder. "What is the meaning of this?"

"You'd never leave."

"Yes, I would." 

Joyce waved goodbye from the front door. "Bye everyone! Y/n, I'll see you next weekend?"

"Of course! Bye! Happy birthday Will!"

"Thank you!" He yelled back.

Y/n let out a huff when Steve finally put her back on the ground. "So unnecessary."

"Very necessary." Robin said flatly from behind her, sliding into the back seat of Steve's car. Steve opened the door for y/n and she smiled at him before getting in and rolling into conversation with Robin.

***

"What's next weekend?" Steve asked once they dropped Robin off.

"Hmm?"

"Joyce said she'll see you next weekend."

"Oh, yeah, she just wants to come in for a trim."

"I keep forgetting you're a hairdresser."

"Yeahhh, so do I sometimes. But I like it whenever I'm not doing some old lady's hair. They're the worst." There was a bit of a lull in conversation, not that either of them minded the comfortable silence. "I think you should let me do your hair."

"I don't know."

"You don't trust me?" She giggled and shifted so her back was against the door to face him.

"No, no! I do." He urgently said, even though she wasn't worried about that. "It's just I've only ever gone to one place so I'd feel bad leaving."

"Steve, there is only one place in this whole town to get hair done. I work at the only place you've ever gone. I know Dory, so I know you should be worried. She's getting sloppy. And I'm not saying this to poach her customers, but! I am saying this to protect your self-proclaimed best feature. Even though, if you ask me, I think you're all the best."

"You're real cute, you know that?" 

"Only 'cause you keep reminding me."

He reached to put his hand on her left knee that was extra close to him because of how she was sitting. "What was in your card?"

"Just that me and Robin would always be here for him, whatever he needs."

"That's nice," Steve didn't want to pry but he felt like there was something important. "Was there anything else in there?"

"Hmmm, you're not gonna let it go, are you?"

"If it's a secret between you three that I shouldn't be involved in, then done! It's let go, we never have to speak of it again, over, no mo-"

"Ok, ok, don't be mad."

"How could I be mad?"

"It's happened before, when I've told people, but Robin said you wouldn't be. Just when there's been so many negative reactions, it's hard to expect a positive one." She waved her hands in front of herself as if to clear her thoughts. "Anyway, I could try to explain it but it's easier to just say it. I'm like Robin."

"What do you mean 'like Robin'?"

"Like, I like girls." She swallowed before rushing out, "but I like guys too! And I love you."

"Oh," he glanced over at her then went back to staring at the road and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. She put her hand on his that was still on her leg.

"The less you say the more worried I get."

"Oh, right, um yeah same." He finally looked at her once they were at a stop sign.

"What?"

"Shit, um I mean same, I like guys too." She smiled brightly at him.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I love you so..." he shrugged. "But I think you should know I kissed Eddie like two days before we met. It was a real life or death kind of moment and at the time it really looked like death was winning so it just sort of happened."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I get it, that's why my sister says I suck to watch movies with because I just want everyone to kiss all the time." 

They both laugh, knowing how she disturbs the most serious fight scenes by making kissy hands and smooching sounds.

"So, you're ok with it?" He asked nervously.

"If you're ok with me?"

"Yeah?" "Yeah."

***

"Are your parents home?" She asked just before she was about to open her door.

"Probably, which sucks. Why?"

"Do you want to stay over? You're already here."

"I don't want to intrude."

"You can't intrude if I'm inviting you in. But really if you don't want to, I'm not gonna make you."

"Who am I kidding, your mom's pancakes are better than mine."

"Yay!" She cheered then kissed him before getting out.

"Is here ok?" He asked while poking his head out the window.

"Yeah, we're not going anywhere tomorrow. Now come on, I'm freezing."

*** 

Once they went in through the back door that led right into the basement she pulled off her sweater while walking into the bedroom. She came back out in pajamas with a shirt and sweatpants she may or may not have stolen from him.

"I don't even remember you taking these."

"Cause I'm stealthy, like a ninja."

"You are so lame."

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's weird to talk to yourself in the second person?"

He just scoffed and turned to the bathroom while she rushed to clean her room up a little more. 

When he walked in she held her arms out for him. He flopped down next to her and rolled over into her arms. "Are you warm now?"

"Very, you?"

"Very.”

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Thank you so much for reading and your continued support, this is my favorite thing i've ever written and i love it so much so it makes me so happy to see you all enjoy it <3<3<3

[twdmusicboxmystery]

8-Ball Symbolism and Daryl's Characterization

@galadrieljones

I was rewatching the fight scene from Still last night to try and grab some drawing references and I was reminded of Daryl’s pool references (left corner, eightball). Other than Spencer and Negan in season 7, are there any other pool references in the series you can remember off the top of your head?

@wdway

Nothing immediately has come to mind other than what you mentioned regarding pool. I'll keep it in the back of my mind in case something pops up. Refresh my memory would you, when in Still does Daryl say, left corner, eightball? In the game of pool isn't the 8 ball the last ball that goes in, it ends the game. If it goes in accidentally during the game then that's the game, it's ended. I'm just thinking that Beth was shot in episode 8, her game was ended and in many ways so had Daryl's. And if Daryl actually said left corner, well you know me, I'm always talking about left=Beth.

@galadrieljones

I think he says “Top Left, eight ball.” I’m pretty sure but I should go back and check. I know it was left, just not sure if it’s left corner or top left or too left corner.

And yeah sinking the eight ball ends the game.

Magic eight balls are also a thing, like telling the future

@twdmusicboxmystery

I remember doing a post forever ago about 8 ball symbolism. I believe Eugene makes an 8 ball reference in 6x01. It’s one of the black and white flashbacks and he’s talking about Operation Lead the Walkers Away, but I don’t remember his exact wording

Found it:

Eugene: “It’d help disperse the force of impact and direct the walkers clean. Like a pool table. Eight ball, corner pocket.”

@galadrieljones

Thanks, @twdmusicboxmystery, I’m gonna check this out asap!!

@wdway

Thanks for the link to your post on Eugene's 8 Ball reference. I always enjoy re-reading your posts. I also read bethgreeneprevails post that you gave a link to. I know you guys will be shocked at this, but I fell into a rabbit hole while reading her side tunnel rant about Beth's and Carol's conversation about Daryl in s3e9 The Suicide King. Over the years we've discussed this conversation between Carol and Beth many, many times. The general thought among TD'er is that it indicates that Beth might have had a crush on Daryl. I'm not saying anything new here.

What I want to talk about is that this time in reviewing the conversation it gave me major Deja Vu feelings about the conversation between Leah and Daryl in Find Me. In TSK Beth is upset at Daryl for choosing his brother over her/them/TF. In the next episode, s3e8 Home, Daryl realizes that he had made a mistake in going off with Merle and in the end, he realizes that he needs to go home, back to where he belongs, back to TF.

This is roughly what happened in Find Me. Leah is upset because Daryl is going to leave her and go search for his brother, she wants him to stay with her, she tells him he belongs with her. He leaves. At the end of the episode, he's rethinking what he has done, and he returns to the cabin, but she's just gone.

In Home, he returns to where he belongs with the people he belongs with. In Find Me, he returns but the person that he believes he should be with is gone. Is this a foreshadowing of him returning to the person who he truly belongs with, and that person will be there when he finds her, or she finds him? Is this what I call back shadowing, to remind us of where he does belong. The other thing about these two episodes from s3, TSK and Home, is that Rick is having hallucinations about Lori. He was seeing Lori, but he didn't see the true Lori, what he saw was a made-up version of Lori dressed in white. It wasn’t true to who Lori really was. We could say the same thing about Daryl not seeing Leah for who she really was.

@galadrieljones

Okay great catch on the parallels with TSK/Home and Find Me. I love that!

@wdway

The other thing that ties this all together with Beth is that this is the first episode that we see the same license tag number on the white and black jeep with the pink, yes, I'm Sirius, I said pink, dog carrier, strap to the top of the vehicle. The same license tag number that we saw on the black car, white cross that took Beth in Alone.

@galadrieljones

Also I read both posts as well and found them really interesting. The red cue ball being #3 was very interesting. I was also interested in the inverse red stripe cue ball being #11. I really love your analysis of the 8ball as being “endgame,” and all the 8s around Beth at Grady.

The ouroboros is also often depicted as an 8 in the series—re: Alpha’s belt buckle and the symbol on Teddy’s box—indicating the mantra “The end is the beginning” which is a thematic parallel to the notion of a coda. We see the ouroboros in the episode of Fear which revolves around John Dorie Sr. being unable to rest until he finds the body of a dead girl from many years ago which turns out to be essentially hidden in the walls.

When Daryl calls the 8ball in Still, he misses. He’s drunk and screwing around but still. Beth then immediately goes and kills the walker. Daryl is bummed out because “we was having fun,” and Beth calls him a jackass who’s running from his feelings and this is how the fight takes off. Because killing them isn’t supposed to be fun. If you call the 8ball, you better sink it. Idk what I’m saying other than that Daryl, despite calling the endgame, can’t finish the game by himself. Beth finishes it for him because he is for whatever reason blinded.

@wdway

The car was on the Yellow Jacket Creek Bridge.

@galadrieljones

So this is the first time we see it?

@wdway:

Yes, that is the first time we see that tag. On the Jeep with the pink dog/Sirius carrier. We saw the tag number in s3e10 Home, s4e13 Alone, s4e15 Us, s5e5 Self-Help (white school bus) and s5e7 Crossed.

In the post by Bethgreeneprevails she talks a lot about the numbers 8 and 3. She then gave a link to other people's thoughts on the 8 ball and the number 3. One of them, I can't remember which had talked about how they hoped that it was foreshadowing that Daryl and Beth would be reunited in s8e3. We know that didn't happen. I'm because I'm so excited to tell you about s8e3, I think you guys are going to love this I know I did. S8e2 Mercy and S8e3 Monsters were both written by Matthew Negrete and Channing Powell. At the end of the episode Mercy, we saw in the background the same painting with Rick in the frame as seen in the episode Still. We also saw a character that had gone missing/left in s1 return. He was also in a scene at the beginning of e3, just before Daryl killed him. By the way guess who wrote s7e8 Hearts Still Beating, that's right, Matthew Negrete and Channing Powell. The same writers that wrote Inmates and Slabtown. I'm sure it's all a coincidence and not related in any way. Not.

@galadrieljones

I remember the 8.3 revelation for sure, mostly via frangi and the painting with the cranes and how they communicate with the one/one t-shirt that Noah wore. To me that is a lot of intricate connection that cannot be coincidence alone. I love that Powell wrote Hearts Still Beating. She wrote it also with our guy Matthew Negrete. I actually love that episode even tho it’s a horrible turn for Daryl. It just seems like it’s embedded with a lot of important global imagery. We see the chess pieces and references that tie Dwight to the crusades and the Seventh Seal, a reference that comes back in Alaska when he is stricken with bubonic plague (and finds his true love). The peanut butter, too. Hearts still beating reminds me of Carol telling Daryl in Them “You’re not dead.” It also reminds me of Beth telling Daryl that he has to let it go “or it kills you…here” and touches her hand to her heart.

@twdmusicboxmystery

Wow! This is so great! I knew if I sent you guys that link, you'd find new stuff! I've been so tired the past few days (work has been crazy) my brain just hasn't been firing on all cylinders.

I had never thought to connect the events of Home (my fav episode of S3) to Find Me. That's genius. And it just goes to show that we're right about the writers revisitng earlier story lines and making them new and continuous for the characters. Gimple WAS working on the show in S3, but as mostly a junior writer, still. Even though I'm sure the show runner had some idea where he THOUGHT he was going with things, he was ultimately fired for cutting back and forth, killing off characters for no reason other than shock value, and basically giving everyone whip lash.

And it's interesting, because it just feels like fate. Merle was supposed to survive S3, originally. He was Daryl's brother. That's why they did this storyline. The actors, the network, and even the fans were way disappointed when he died, because he was just starting to finally get his redemption, and people were loving his character by that point. Both for himself, and for Daryl, I'm sure. But with Merle gone, they made the very conscious choice to make Rick "his brother" in S4. Ever since then, every time we see Daryl searching for his brother and changing his mind about something, it's always about Rick.

But throwing Leah into the mix shows that Beth will ultimately be in there somewhere, too. I think it's VERY possible that Daryl goes to France searching for Rick. As we've discussed, he has a specific mission, and maybe it's that he hears some hint of Rick and is following information to where he might be. But along the way, he runs into Beth. As someone pointed out above, that's exactly what happens in Find Me, which was clearly one huge foreshadow. He was searching, along a body of water no less, for Rick, and he found Leah. Via Dog (Sirius).

Anyway, I'm rambling. You both know all this. I just really love the connections here. Just working them out in my own mind. ;D Can't wait for October!!!

@galadrieljones

I read something about 18miles Out as being Gimple’s first real showing as a writer on TWD. The entire fight with Rick and Shane opposing the quiet action with Beth back at the farm was his idea. Homecomes just before Clear, which is all Gimple’s and definitely an early symbolism hotbed as well as the episode that establishes Morgan as Gimple’s “prophet.” Clear is also the episode when Michonne and Rick bring back Daryl’s new crossbow which I think has major meaning for his development.

Home I think shows that the writers had bigger plans for Daryl. He became a real lead. I definitely think it’s safe to say that Gimple was at least present enough at this point to have some ideas for what he wanted the future of his beats and of the show to look like. I am assuming that’s how you get made into a showrunner. You have a vision.

I really do like the idea that he’s looking for Rick and finds something else, which takes him on an unexpected journey to learn more about Beth and even find her.

We already have an indication that he’ll find another Beth lookalike, only this time instead of a mercenary psychopath who works for a “pope,” he will meet a nun. I can’t imagine that not being purposeful. Leah led Daryl down a winding path away from his family and his true mission.

Will Isabelle lead him on the path back to them? Will he finally learn his true mission? Many ppl in the GA do assume he is looking for Rick and they seem to view a reunion with Rick as Daryl’s ultimate endgame. But I don’t see that. Ricks endgame isn’t Daryl, it’s Michonne. Why would Daryl’s be Rick? That does a disservice to Daryl.

I think finding Rick would be important to Daryl but “he deserves his own happy ending.” I have to believe that doesn’t just mean finding Rick again. Rick is Judith’s happy ending, and I think Judith recognizes this when she says, “Thanks for looking for my parents but you need to find your endgame, too.” Daryl and Rick went their separate ways long ago. Finding Rick will only allow Daryl to bring him back to Judith. It won’t solve Daryl’s emptiness or unhappiness. He was empty well before he lost Rick. This discussion makes me start to understand the purpose of 10c much more and to see just how far out ahead of things they really were.

@wdway

Both Scott Gimple and Glenn Mazzara are listed as writers for 18 Miles Out. I know this is probably silly but it occurred to me last night that 18 Miles Out, was such a huge episode for Beth in her importance in the story going forward. 30 Days Without An Accident (another Gimple episode) was another beginning of a major arc for Beth. I'm thinking we need more episodes with numbers in the titles, haha.

@galadrieljones

(As I was typing endgame above I started thinking of the 8ball again. Getting to that 8ball.)

@wdway

Guys, I was excited to make the connection between Carol, Beth's conversation and the ties with the storyline of Leah. It definitely helped me with more understanding why Leah even existed. I can't believe we didn't see this earlier. You never know what's going to spark a thought, a connection, that's why going back and reading older post is important. I want to speak to both of y'all thoughts about Daryl initially searching for Rick in the spin-off. I am open to it although I don't have any strong feeling either way, to tell you the truth.

What I came away with after connecting Carol/Beth's conversation with Leah's and Daryl in both s3 Home and s10 Find Me, in both episodes it was about Daryl searching for his brother, his biological one and then his chosen one. He walked away from his family in order to do that. At the end of episode Home, Daryl comes to realize that he deserves his own life, that it is time to pursue his own happiness, his own destiny and by doing so he's not abandoning his brother's, he is simply putting himself first. That is how I perceive the storyline going in the spin-off. Daryl will finally realize he needs to put his own desires before that of finding Rick. I can also see Carol helping Daryl as a bit of payback for all the times that he had had Carol's back when she was trying to escape from her problems or situations.

@galadrieljones

It’s a perfect analysis of a Daryl’s character and I agree 100%. I think that if Daryl does go off in search of Rick it will end up like you said, which is very close to what I said I think, ie: he can’t make finding his brother be his entire life’s purpose and mission. He needs his own purpose and his own mission. The idea of searching is essential to who Daryl is and all of his struggles. It may even be that he needs to resist this time. And that it’s the moment he finally chooses to stop searching altogether that he finally finds what he’s looking for (love). In the teaser he says, “I went out looking for something, and all I found was trouble.” This is ALWAYS true. It’s true in Chupacabra, in Consumed, in Find Me, and now. Daryl’s story about how no one came to search for him in the woods when he was a kid is proving to be his most defining moment.

I wanted to quickly add to that I think a big part of Daryl’s characterization, that he is a compulsive provider, always worried about others and never himself, has in some ways colored the GA’s perception of him. They still see him as existing only in service to Rick. They can’t imagine him on an independent mission that revolves around finding something that’s just for him.

@wdway

Well put. I think we're all on the same page. I just wanted to point out that I believe a lot of the purpose of the episode Find Me was as a call back (which we totally did not get until now) to season 3 TSK/Home. That those episodes were not only foreshadowing to Find Me, but also to the spin-off.

@wdway

Daryl has always been the better friend, not only to Carol but to Rick than they have been to him. And they have come to really take him for granted that their needs and desires were more important than his. This is always been a pet peeve for me because Beth is the only one that we ever saw asking Daryl about himself, about comparing dreams, no one else has done that. That's why I hope with Carol joining him that the whole purpose would be for Daryl's goals and his happiness.

@galadrieljones

Well said. I couldn’t agree more.

[athenswrites]

15 Questions

@unmellowyellowfellow tagged me in this and I'm gonna leave it as an open tag so I can get more of these tag games done! if you see this and want to play, consider yourself tagged!

For this one, I'm feeling spicy and I'm going to switch to a different WIP. Let's meet Onila and Sursia Kina, two siblings who work with the rebel group, the Watchers. Onila is the Kain (leader) of the Watchers and Sursia is the Watcher General and former Director of DragonKnights.

(From World of Ateine! @thetruearchmagos you might want to see this one)

1. Are you named after anyone?

Onila: I was apparently named after a grandmother somewhere in my lineage. Onila is a relatively common name on Ateine though, but everyone knows me as THE Onila Kina. Sursia: Like Onila, i was named after a distant relative and Sursia is a pretty common name. However, we've made a pretty good name for ourselves. Kina is not common.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Onila: I will admit, I get emotional a lot quicker than I used to. It was probably a week or so ago. I don't remember exactly. Sursia: Three or four days ago? There was a new clutch of pygmy fire dragon eggs found near Dragonsbreath. The population has been dwindling due to poaching and the Knights were able to go in and relocate the nest further from the city. One of the older dragons I used to work with was a pygmy fire dragon from that area and it reminded me of her.

3. Do you have kids?

Onila: I have a daughter, Acceber. She's currently 8 orbits old, and currently studying in the primary school at Base Sky. She stays with me in my loft. Sursia: Unless you count the sheer amount of dragons I've helped raise and train over the years, no. I don't think I'd want any either. my niece is enough.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Onila: I use it a lot in day to day conversation, but when doing Kain-related things, I have to be pretty straightforward. Sursia: Sarcasm isn't used often in the Knight's Sign, so it's not something I naturally tend to use. I can pick it up pretty well...sometimes...

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Onila: Allegiance. It's easy to take one look at someone and tell by the clothes the wear, the way they hold themself, and how they react to me. Sursia: Probably if they choose to try and speak to me or if they just speak to Onila or Larepo or whoever else I'm with.

6. What's your eye color?

Onila: I'm a coreblood, meaning I have lineage from four partages, and one of them is red-blood fiend. My eyes are technically brown, but they have an odd reddish tint from that red-blood fiend partage. Sursia: Same as Onila.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Onila: Scary movies! Sursia: Happy endings. We have enough scary shit going on in our world.

8. Any special talents?

Onila: I am an AMAZING shot when it comes to arrows, probably the best of the Watchers but I suck ASS when it comes to guns. Sursia: I can lift over [800 pounds] of dead weight over my head, if that counts. Other than that, I think most people would say Knight's Sign is a special talent, although it's the language I use. It's shared amongst the Dragon Knights, as most of us are deaf from dealing with the dragons (which are insanely loud, by the way. I could get my hearing fixed if I wanted to.

9. Where were you born?

Onila: I was born in the Lakaj region, one of the southernmost regions on Ateine. It was the dead of winter, we were snowed in, and dad was on duty, so it was just mom and Sursia who had come to visit and help mom once I'd been born. Sursia: I very vividly remember Onila's birth because we were snowed in for the next eight days afterwards. I was born in a hospital in the Asaf region, which is in the big central mountain range on Ateine. Dad was working in the Heart of Hell at the time.

10. What are your hobbies?

Onila: I don't have time for many hobbies but I have been spending a LOT of free time trying to read through the entirety of the Holy Books. You'd think I'd be done by now but there's a LOT of them (like hundreds) and they're all super dense and super long. Sursia: I spend most of my free time at Dragonsbreath, which is about [4 hours] from Base Sky where I'm stationed. It's usually assisting the new Director or just taking care of the Dragons.

11. Do you have any pets?

Onila: His name is Rebme and he's a pygmy fire dragon from the same clutch of eggs as Sursia's Terme. He's about the [size of a Great Dane] and while he technically is supposed to stay over near Dragonsbreath...but he escapes and flies over pretty often. I visit him whenever I can and one of my old friends takes care of him. Sursia: I used to have Terme, but he was poached for his scales. He was still a baby too. I still care for many of the dragons at Dragonsbreath although I don't consider them pets, really.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

Onila: Combat simulators are a favorite of mine, but I also played a lot of [a sport similar to soccer] when I was a kid. I rode dragons a lot while working with the Dragon Knights, but I never got into professional soldier level type stuff. Sursia: Unlike Onila, I've spent almost fifty years at Dragonsbreath and rode dragons as a Knight for many many years. It takes a lot of strength and willpower to control them. I've also done some [rodeo-]style riding to saddle break new dragons.

13. How tall are you?

Onila: [5'11"] from the top of my head to my feet, [6'5"] if you count the top of the wings and I'm holding them all the way folded. Sursia: I'm a little shorter, at [5'8"], from head to feet, but I've got larger wings, so I'm also [6'5"] when they're folded. I used to be very clumsy. That's a lie. I still am.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Onila: I actually enjoyed my religions courses most. History was a close second, but only because they related back to a lot of my religion courses. I didn't really get into politics until I got into the Watchers' government. Sursia: I sucked at academics, but if I had to choose, it'd probably be animal biology. It prepared me for some of my Dragon Knight work.

15. Dream job?

Onila: While I enjoy being Kain (leader of the Watchers) I'd love to go back and join the Dragon Knights. Or (don't tell anyone) in an alternate universe, I could have joined the Sanctum. I was super religious as a kid, but it's faded as I've gotten older. Sursia: I think once I'm done with this General thing I'm going to go back to being the Director of the Dragon Knights.

[bookworm5499]

Hey all, this is my first attempt at a fanfic. It's a slow burn type read, very enemies to friends to lovers-esque.

Prompt: After not interacting for years, a shared glance in the cafeteria snow balls into budding friendship... and more?

Show: Stranger Things

Pairing: Eddie Munson x femalereader

Chapter One

"Okay so final semester of senior year, how you feeling?" Lila asks, as we walk into the cafeteria, MUCH too early in the day (like seriously, after only two classes? Who would want to eat this early?).

"I'm unbelievably ready to get out of this dump." I roll my eyes as we get in line and grab our trays. "Just waiting on my acceptance letter to Northwestern"

"I still can't believe you want to go that far away from home, always thought we'd grow old and senile together running our little bakery" Lila grimaces as the lunch lady slaps down a piece of what I can only say is meatloaf onto her tray. Lila and I grew up next door and would constantly bake cookies for the neighbors (and ourselves of course, too many cookies were eaten in our childhood).

"We can definitely still do that, just please not in Hawkins. We have to get out of this tiny town." I despised the fact that everyone knew everyone's business.

We get out of the lunch line, and walk towards our table, which is already filled with the rest of my friends... well, more like peers. Being part of the mathletes meant all of us sitting together at lunch every day. They were all great people, very silly and awkward but damn are they nerdy. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself quite a nerd, I have straight A's, am in the marching band, and absolute rock it in the mathletes (first chair thank you very much), but I like to have a personality outside of school - these kids don't. Lila and I take a seat at the table and start light conversation with the other mathletes, and I start to slowly tune out all their comments.

I've lived here in Hawkins my whole life, and I've hated every moment of it. Well, that's a lie, when I was little I enjoyed my childhood, at least when my mom was around. But ever since she left when I was 7, leaving me in the hands of my anger-riden stepfather, I've been miserable, finding just about any reason to escape. Luckily I found my escape through school, I figured if my grades were good enough, it would be ticket to any school far away from here. I'm so unbelievably ready to leave this stupid town, the nosy people, the fake friends, the weird obsession with sp-

"Right Amelia?" Lila calls. I suddenly snap out of my trance only to realize my eyes had completely wandered from the mathletes gang all the way over to the Hell's Fire table, just kiddy-corner from ours. My eyes were staring right into Eddie Munson's, leader of the club. He was giving me a weird look, couldn't really tell if it was concern or disgust. I could feel the color drain from my face. Holy crap, how long was I staring at him before he noticed? How long was he staring back? I don't think we've exchanged glances in years, this is weird. I wonder if he still remembers -

"Yeah Lila what's up?" I whip my head around to look at her, only to see a look of concern coming from her.

"I said [highschool] has no chance winning the final mathletes competition with you as first chair... right?" She hesitated getting the last word out as she looked my face up and down. "Are you okay? Where was your brain a second ago? Have you not listened to a single word we said? And why were you looking at the freak table?" She tends to bable when she's worried.

"My mind was wandering, just a lot on my brain. And I didn't realize I was looking over in their direction... I- uh- forgot I need to get something out of my locker." I get up to leave and could feel someone's eyes on me. I look out of the corner of my eye and see Eddie looking at me again, but this time I didn't bother processing it, I just took my backpack and headed out of the cafeteria. "Meli wait-" I could hear Lila trying to get my attention, but she didn't follow me out, she knows to leave me be. I don't know what came over me in this moment, but I turned around one more time before stepping out of the cafeteria and in that same moment he turned his over to meet my gaze. I wonder if he still hates me, and it crushes me I'll never know why.

[averyauthorship]

15 questions tag!!

I saw people posting this, and most everybody said to treat it as an open tag, so I decided to do it too! Tagging (with no pressure at all!!) @mjparkerwriting @kainablue @karimac @melusinewrites @mayonnaisepudding and also ANYONE who wants to do it!

The concept for this is to write responses to the following questions as if you are your original character answering, or just as yourself. I haven't talked about myself much outside of my writing on here, so might as well do it now, right? So! Answering as me!

1 - Are you named after anyone?

My first name (Avery) was just a name my parents liked. My middle name is actually my grandmom's and my great grandmother's name. My mom didn't want to name me that as my first name because she thought it was better as a middle name. So that's my name!

2 - When was the last time you cried?

I cry A LOT. Over songs, commercials, movies, shows. I make myself cry sometimes because I think it's healthy to let it flow. I literally started tearing up at a book I was reading today. The last time I cried cried though (for real, not because of content or something) was when I had a super bad panic attack. I have OCD, and sometimes you get so panicked you just melt :(

3 - Do you have any kids?

Nope! I would like to have a couple in the future, though.

4 - Do you use sarcasm?

Ehh, I have tried. But I am not sarcastic. I'll do it as a joke sometimes when someone says something obvious about me (i.e. Whaaat? Me? Liking books? That's crazy!) but not in any real way.

5 - What's the first thing you notice about people?

Definitely the way they carry a conversation. If they interrupt people, seem rude or ill engaged. I like talking, but I realize that conversations involve two people. It's a big red flag when someone can't share a conversation.

6 - What is your eye color?

Brown! Lovely, if I do say so myself.

7 - Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, no doubt. I can't actually handle scary movies (because of my OCD. Hate to blame everything on it, but it's definitely true. I ruminate way too hard on scary, violent things). I'm a sucker for a happily ever after! It's what I hope I can have one day, so I like seeing it in my media.

8 - Any special talents?

Besides writing (which I am learning to accept as a talent), I craft and sew for cosplay. I sing too, and I think I have a nice voice. I have a lot of hobbies, but I don't think most of those qualify as a "talent." I'm pretty dang good at building houses in the Sims. I think that's an underrated talent.

9 - Where were you born?

Maryland, USA

10 - What are your hobbies?

Ah, yes. I mentioned them before but let's list them: Cosplay (sewing and crafting and all that), reading, writing, drawing, painting, playing video games, baking, collecting items (is that a hobby? I do it so much I think it must be), jewelry making (it sounds so fancy but I just make little bracelets and earrings with shrink plastic sometimes).

11 - Do you have any pets?

My family does! We have four cats: Ash, Whistler, Taffy, and Pike. I grew up with cats, and I miss the ones we've lost every day. (RIP Rainier, Nauset, Odell, Asia, and Ebony.)

12 - What sports do you or have you played?

I am not a sports girly. Like AT ALL. But I did run cross country for a semester back in my freshman year of high school. I absolutely hated it. Instead, I picked up musical and children's theatre. That's almost a sport...? Generally, I like to swim and dance (I'm not good), but it's not like a "sport" really. Just for fun to move my body when I feel like it.

13 - How tall are you?

Honestly? No clue. Haven't measured in many years. Somewhere between 5'8" and 5'10" I would guess?

14 - Favorite subject in school?

I've always been really into English. (My dad was an English teacher so it was only natural.) Also, any English extracurricular like journalism and creative writing. I was actually a journalism major until halfway through college. I switched to focus on English and picked up minors in journalism and linguistics instead.

15 - Dream job?

I'm about to ship off to grad school to get my masters in library sciences, so the hope is to become a librarian. It's realistic, so I'm excited to do that someday! On the side, I really hope to be a published author. I don't expect to make much money (if any) but I just want to get my work out there for people to find if they need it.

[bisluthq]

Hey, you might not remember this, but a few months ago, I sent in an ask about me and my best friend from high school and I growing apart since heading to college. I decided to send in another ask because how the situation has progressed is really weighing on me but it's not really something that I can get into with other people because...

1) it's not really their business

2) they know her and I would never want to say something that might create issues for her

3) I can talk to my mum about it😭

ANYWAY, I don't remember exactly what I had said to you in my last ask, but the brief run-down is

1) we met year 7. Became proper friends end of year 8. Became best friends year 9. Maintained that through year 10 (with some slight exceptions).

2) year 11 rolls around. Things are weird. I get upset. We talk about it over text. She basically tells me to get more out there. Fuckall changes. She texts me like a week or two later saying she "needs space" because she's gone through something traumatic and can't be a good friend to me right now. We stop hanging out but keep in minimal contact.

And I think that's where things had been at last time I sent through. Since then, we've broken contact completely. It was my doing. I was watching One Tree fucking Hill and they had an episode where Peyton and Brooke were growing distant and I felt a little targeted. I unadded her as a friend on snapchat, and removed her on instagram (those were our only forms of communication besides yk.. actually talking lmao).

Like an hour or two later she sent me this LONG message over instagram apologising. She said A LOT of stuff, but the gist of it was

She hadn’t been completely honest about why she "needed space" and that it did in fact have something to do with me (no shit)

That she had sabotaged things because she fears people will disappoint her otherwise (she specifically specified that she didn't think I would)

That she hadn't acknowledged these things until starting therapy (which is a WIN because the shit that girl has gone through...)

That I was an INCREDIBLE person, and a GREAT friend, and that she didn't expect me to forgive her for "stabbing me in the back after I'd been there for her so many times"

Then she ended the conversation by saying if i ever felt comfortable talking to her again that I could tell her shit that I couldn't say to other people

Since then we haven't spoken. The only class we have together is Maths (which was already the Worst but is now... the WORST), but I still see her a bit around school. The particularly upsetting way in which I see her is when I'm walking to my bus stop and she walks past without a second glance (which i can't exactly be pissed about. I actively try to avoid so much as making eye contact with her as much as possible). Or when I'm driving home and I see her alone, or with the other girls in that old friend group.

I have other friends that I really enjoy the company of, and I would LOVE to move past the whole thing, but I can't. I keep getting really sad/mad about it. It's really hard not to be. She was the closest friend I've ever had, and as much as this whole thing has distorted what used to be my perception of the situation, I know that was mutual (at least at some point).

We told each other shit we'd never told anyone else. We bonded over our eerily similar life-experiences. When something bad happened, I was the first person she called. When I started crying in the middle of lunch she was the person who comforted me. WE HAD THE SAME FUCKING BIRTHDAY (something she consistently forgot about, which would be a much bigger red flag if she didn't have the memory of a fucking gold fish).

Going from being That close to a person to not speaking to them is really hard, even if I can recognise it's for the best. I've always struggled with maintaining friendships, especially close ones (a mutual experience we discussed MANY times over the phone), so this is sort of a new experience for me. My mum compared it to a breakup of sorts which is... definitely accurate (I might’ve been the tiniest bit into her. She's hot and vaguely queer. Can you blame me?)

I'm not necessarily submitting this in the hopes of advise, since I'm fully aware there's basically fuckall I can do about it besides

A) talking to her (NO)

B) moving on

I just kind of needed to vent. But hey, if you DO have any advice, I would more than appreciate it.

(Also sorry for the long ask xx)

found it! Okay, listen to me: friend breakups suck absolute balls. They hurt more tbh than romantic breakups because when you're going through a romantic breakup, everyone is so lovely about it lol. My partner and I are taking a Break at the moment (which I have previously sworn never ever to do and just do clean breaks but that's what's going on lol because he wrecks my plans all the fucking time lmfao and I guess that's part of the problem) and like all my friends are super super nice about it and have let me come and cry and get all upset and shit lmao. But when you're going through a friend breakup, absolutely no one seems to understand - even though we've all been through one or two - and you can't talk to anyone because then you're just badmouthing that person and also you always have mutuals and it's all just... messy and horrible and shitty.

I do think in your case, you've got to just keep moving on and making new friends. Over time, it'll get easier. I know with my ex friends like... it really hurt at the time and it was hard and I tried to hold onto a couple dead friendships and resuscitate them a few times - make coffee plans or reach out and send them things I think would interest them or whatever - but like now I... actually still have both those girls on Insta and I don't feel sad about it anymore and I have no desire to talk to them, even though we all live in the same town. I am glad they're doing well seemingly and that's all I really think about them. But it took me a long time to get there.

It really, really sucks. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you. You've just gotta keep on moving on dude and making new friends and keeping busy. Start a new hobby, seek out new people, just... focus on you and like getting into a better space.

There's a chance you'll reconnect idk but I wouldn't count on it because as I say all my ex friends are very much just people that I used to know, including one who was like a sister/wife to me but it just wound up... not working out.

[sacred-stanning]

Chapter 17 Part 10: Defeating Lyon?

Lute hit with one of her Thunder shots in her first round of combat, so I dance her up and let her go again.

Cape vs. Cape

Lute again hits once and misses once and doesn't crit.

I send Tana in to do some chip damage...

...and wow, she got that 12% crit! Now if she hits once more, she'll actually finish the boss off!

Will she do it????

yep

oh come on

There's a cutscene after, and the Demon King says,

"I still...don't have enough power."

"But injuries like this won't do me in..."

Ephraim shows up, and the Demon King basically says, "Catch me if you dare!" and runs off.

Ephraim orders soldiers to search the area for the Demon King. Innes assures Ephraim that his tracking soldiers are very good, and there is no way the Demon King will be able to get away without them knowing where it went.

Innes also lets Ephraim know that he has received the Twin Sacred Weapons from Frelia. While the Frelian Sacred Stone was destroyed, the Sacred Twins were left alone.

First is the "Snake Bow Neez-heg" (Nidhogg in the English translation). It only has 7 weight, but 18 might. It also adds 5 luck to the wielder.

The other is the "Wing Spear Vidofnir" (<- Wow, that's actually exactly how it's spelled in the official translation too! I swear I didn't look it up ahead of time!)

At 11 weight, it's not too heavy, and 15 might is pretty good, though only one might more than a Silver Lance. But it also adds +5 defense to the user, which can be pretty useful.

So nothing left to do except blindly chase after the Demon King into what is surely not a trap!

"Move out!" Vanessa commanded the fliers under her to spread out and search for the demon king. Frelia was well-known for its flying corps, and they were also excellent trackers. She was confident that they would find the Demon King before long.

"General, if it is alright, I will travel with you as your second."

Vanessa heard her sister's voice and turned to her. "Uh...yes...thank you, soldier!" It felt strange to talk to her sister like this. She hadn't seen her in a couple years, and the last time she had seen her, they had been working together, and Syrene had been the one with a higher rank!

They flew off wordlessly in a different direction from the other pairs of fliers. But as soon as they were out of earshot of anyone else, Syrene spoke to Vanessa again.

"General, with your permission, I would like to speak freely to you as your sister."

"Uh-oh," Vanessa thought, "Here it comes." She had a feeling that Syrene was going to pin her down for doing something wrong and not taking care of herself. It had happened so many times before, and the worst part was that, Syrene was always right! Vanessa never felt like she could argue with her. Quite the opposite, every time she talked to her she felt like she was 10-years-old again.

"I could order her to stick to the mission..." she thought, relishing the idea of using her rank to get out of an awkward conversation. "But she'll find a time to get me later then... I can't only talk to her when we're on duty. I might as well get this over with..."

"Permission granted," Vanessa said curtly.

Syrene felt a stab of guilt in her heart. Vanessa had always been an open book, and even more so to Syrene than anyone else. Syrene could hear the edge in Vanessa's voice. "She doesn't want to talk to me!" she thought despairingly.

Syrene decided to start with the easy conversation. No point in getting things started off on the wrong wing...

"Vanny," Syrene used Vanessa's nickname from when they were kids, "I know we've got a mission, and we need to focus on it, but I just couldn't wait to tell you how much I've missed seeing you, and how proud I am of what you've done!" She paused to let it sink in, "A general! That's incredible!"

Vanessa looked away from her sister's gaze and pretended to scan below, but she found it hard to concentrate. Her cheeks felt warm and flushed. Why did her sister always get to her like this!?

"It's not big deal. It's just a temporary thing while I'm serving under Renais. I mean, this whole army was thrown together basically, so it's not like they had lots of options for people to be gener--"

"Stop." Syrene's voice made Vanessa flinch slightly. She knew the lecture that was coming already. "You're doing it again! Don't be so hard on yourself! Why can't you celebrate your accomplishments?"

Vanessa couldn't answer the question. She didn't know why, but she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. "I-" she started to speak, and then she felt her throat close up.

"Land. Now." Syrene commanded "Or so help me by the stones I will knock you off your wyvern and make you land."

Vanessa and Syrene both glided down and landed. Without needing to be told what to do, Syrene immediately dismounted and just about caught Vanessa as she half-fell, half-dismounted her wyvern, all while sobbing.

Syrene held her sister in her arms, feeling the awkwardness of Vanessa no longer being the smaller of the two of them. "I knew she was pushing herself too hard! I could tell." she thought to herself.

Syrene waited in silence until Vanessa had cried it out for a bit. When she heard the crying stop, and the sniffling start, she relaxed her embrace a little and put a hand on one of Vaness'a cheeks to gently push her face up.

"Vanny, it's ok. You're doing a wonderful job, and I just think you should be proud of it like I am of you! I'm sorry if something I said upset you, but I really can't tell you how proud I am of you!"

Vanessa met her eyes, still sniffling. "Thanks" she said. "You d-didn't upset me. I...I just can't believe we didn't save all of the townspeople. And I was in charge! It's all my fault they're dead! I just feel so stupid and incompetent, and then I feel guilty because I'm feeling bad for myself, but they're dead!"

"Hey, you're not stupid! You're not incompetent!" Syrene paused briefly. "Believe me, I feel guilty too. I was the one who told them to stay there on that island when we were first getting overwhelmed by the enemy soldiers. I thought I would be able to protect them. I promised I would protect them all...but I failed."

Syrene looked Vanessa in the eyes, "It's ok to have feelings, Vanny. It's ok to be upset about what happened. You don't have to hide it from everyone, least of all me."

Vanessa chuckled at this. "You sound like Moulder," she sniffed.

Syrene feigned anger at the comment, "Oh, so I sound like an old man, huh? Wow, thanks!"

Vanessa smiled at this. She knew Syrene liked Moulder and wasn't really upset at the comparison. Syrene knew how much Moulder had looked out for Vanessa, especially when she was younger.

"But in seriousness," Syrene continued as she released he arms from Vanessa, "I'm glad to hear that you're talking to Moulder still. You tend to bottle things up, so here I was, worried that you weren't talking to anyone because you thought you couldn't as a general or something like that."

Syrene stepped back and took a look at her sister again.

"And I meant it before when I said you had grown more beautiful since the last time I saw you! It's been 4 years! 4 years! You're looking more and more like mom when she was young!"

Vanessa looked down at the ground, but she was smiling. "Stop. You know you were always the one who took after mom."

"Maybe before, but with each year I'm looking more and more like dad, gods save me!" Syrene said while rolling her eyes. "You're the one who lucked out with the inheritance!"

Vanessa was silent for a moment, then she spoke.

"I missed you."

Syrene felt herself starting to tear up too. It wasn't like her sister to say that so directly. "Aww, come on!" she wiped at one of her eyes with the back of her hand "you're gonna get me started now! I missed you too!"

Syrene was glad to see Vanessa relaxing a little, and she really just wanted to let the moment be and enjoy reuniting, but there was still one question she felt nagging at her mind.

"By the way, what's up with the mage girl on the horse who helped me out on the island?"

"Lute? She's...like I said, she's just a mage who joined us while we were serving under Princess Eirika." Vanessa had a concerned look on her face. "Why? Did she say something odd to you before I got there?"

"Odd?" Syrene started. "Well..."

Vanessa cut her off before she could continue. "Don't take offense if she did! She's not a bad person, but she can be kind of...direct, I guess? And she tends to talk about what she wants to..."

"Aha!" Syrene thought.

"So you two are friends then?"

Vanessa looked slightly nervous. "Yeah. Yeah, we've become friends." She paused for a moment, and then continued. "I wasn't sure what to make of her at first, but I thought she looked lonely in camp because she never seemed to talk to almost anyone except for this one monk from her village. And...I guess she kind of reminded me of myself maybe? So I tried talking to her, and she's actually pretty interesting! I wasn't kidding when I said she knows all about animals and magic. Like, she can just recite things she read in a book like it's nothing!"

Syrene noticed how as Vanessa talked about Lute, she seemed to brighten. "Hmm," she thought, "it seems like she's finally made a friend. Thank the stones!"

Syrene spoke, "Well, I could definitely tell she was smart! She surprised me, knowing about Pegasus breeds like that! Not many outside of Frelia's knights do! I'm looking forward to getting to know her!"

Vanessa looked surprised. "You want to get to know her?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I want to know one of my sister's friends?"

"Um, ok. Sure," Vanessa said awkwardly.

"I also should have a talk with this Lute on my own," Syrene thought. "I don't want to be too nosy, but Vanessa hasn't had many friends in the past, so it's not weird of me to worry about her, right? I just want to judge this Lute's character a bit, that's all!"

But she would have to make time for that later. Syrene spoke, "We should probably get back to tracking, Vanny."

"Yeah, we definitely should. Thanks for listening to me. Sorry I started crying." Then Vanessa opened her eyes wide, "Oh no, do I look like I've been crying?" she asked worriedly.

"A little, but it's nothing you wouldn't have gotten from the wind hitting your face anyway. Don't worry. You look fine! Like a proper general!" Syrene smiled.

Vanessa laughed as she stepped up into the wyvern stirrups. "I will never get used to you calling me 'general'!"

Next time: Surely not a trap!

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

Leaving This As A Reminder (11/7/23)

Hi Case. Been another few months since we've chatted and wow does my last post make me sad and shocked at how much can change in 5 months.

Lets quickly recap a friend update which is the shore unveiled some really disgusting truths about some of my friendships in this city. My "perfect" friend group i found was far from it and i dont even need to go into detail bc we are ok and we are healing.

I gravitated back to this channel because tomorrow i am about to reenter a healing phase and going to work on ending a relationship with D for the very forseeable future. While these past 10 or 11 months have brought us back together closer than ever, sometimes love doesn't conquer all. You two have tried your best (at least you have) to make something work, but in the end we've reached the last page of our story. He's not only become one of your closest ties in nyc, but he's taught you how to love, even when someone doesn't deserve it.

Over the past 10/11 months you went from convincing yourself that one meet up at a bar won't bother you and let him back in.. you just wanted to hear him out and get an ego boost that he still wanted you. You'd tell yourself its fine, I don't even like him anymore its just a hook up... but days and weeks and months went by and you fell right back into the trap, yet this time you had hope. Hope that there was a future, hope that maybe things this time were different. Hope that you finally cracked his code and could win the ultimate prize - being a girlfriend. But the second you hear that word leave his lips it felt...uncomfortable.

Maybe being in a relationship wasn't what you were searching for with him either - could it be that you finally just wanted him to want you? Because after months of actually experiencing the highs of being together (going to dinners, being invited to events, going out with his friends) you finally got a peek into a life together - but was it everything you wanted and more? Not really. There were still those anixous days of "is he going to text me today?", "why did he invite her to this event over me?", "why does he never ask me about myself", etc. etc. etc. There were also those tough conversations that led you to realize - Can this even go where I want it to go? D and you have very different ideas of where you are in 10 years. You want a family, you want to live near your family (CA), you love being adventurous and going outside and appreciating the little things. Of course im not saying he cant but he also prioritizes drinking, partying, staying out till 4am and in bed all day the next.. cmon case that isnt you.

While I can name many reasons why it wont work logistically I also want to remind you of how he treated you the past 3 years. He does the same thing OVER and OVER again. He leaves you uncomfortable for 24 hours and you have such crippling anxiety that it's all you can think about, you didn't eat for a day, you couldn't even focus on yourself/work. You can't even be honest with your parents because you think they'd think your a fool for being back together with this person who was only brought to their attention because of how much he hurt you that you were so depressed you had to just be honest.

If there is one thing I ask you to promise me is that please Casey you deserve so much more and there is someone out there who can give you so much more. D's patterns are never going to change - at least not for you. Because you are not meant to end up together. He served a beautiful story in your life that came with love, hurt, happiness, anxiety, and every emotion under the sun but it is time to pick yourself. I know the comfort he has provided you makes you feel so safe in a world where you don't always feel that way. But I am not only asking but begging you to choose yourself and walk away forever. There is the possibility that he comes back in 2 months time, but you need to not respond. PLEASE CASEY. I know one silly hi doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's exactly what got us back to here. I know you love/loved him, but its time to give that love you can give to someone who gives you 10x more back.

I know losing people is so hard for you, but losing yourself is worse and that is what is going to happen if you return to this. Your friends have begged you to walk away and i know its easy to say "you don't know him" or "you dont get it" but thats exactly why im writing this today. I do get it. I lived it. and I know I need to walk away and close this chapter of my life. I'll always hold a place for D in my heart and I do think he is my first love, but its time to find a forever love (especially in yourself first).

I am sorry if this came across harsh, but I love you. I am so proud of you. You are ressilient and have dealt with much more challenging things in this life and im sure another great challenge is just around the corner, but i'll just leave you with this...

If it doesn't challenge you it won't change you.

xx.

Casey

[00katrinka00]

Landcaster Legacy Gen 7 Update #30

Dear Diary, Lacy's play was so good last night. I'm still so confused by the ending though, Lacy went straight to bed after coming home last night, and then left super early today so I haven't had time to ask her about it.

-Violet

Saturday afternoon Violet and Janie met on the pier for a date. "Have you started packing for Mt. Komrebi yet?" Violet asked. "You leave Monday morning." "I only have a few things packed," Janie admitted. "I guess I'm hoping the slower I pack the more time I'll get here with you"

"We can't stop time, but we can take some pictures," Violet suggested and the girls got situated for a photo together. "They usually last longer anyways," Janie told her.

Violet and Janie headed over to the photo booth to take some more pictures. Violet seemed pretty pleased with how their photo turned out, and to be fair it was super cute.

"I really need to head home," Violet said. "But I'll see you at my mom's dinner party tomorrow? It starts at 6:00pm." "I wouldn't miss it," Janie assured her, and Violet pulled her in for a goodbye kiss.

Leo decided that it was time he start prioritizing his goals again. He'd had enough with all the girl drama, and it was about time he start focusing on college again, he was about to be a senior anyways. Leo got up early that morning and went for a run and researched universities

While Mads began getting everything downstairs set up for their dinner party that evening, Ethan kept Rosie preoccupied by doing some flash cards with her. Needless to say, she enjoyed spending some quality time with her father.

Sunday, when Lacy returned home from their final show, she immediately dyed her hair. It felt good to have this little piece of herself back. The remainder of shows went well, Owen avoided her, and the watcher stopped cheating Wade's energy so he was actually able to go on as Eli

Meanwhile, Mads was downstairs prepping all the food they'd need for the dinner party. She enjoyed hosting guests and was extremely excited that her friend Parker had agreed to come tonight. Mads hadn't seen them since Leo and Nat's birthday so it was going to be nice to catch up

Before anyone knew it 6:00pm was here, and guests began to arrive. Jackie immediately challenged Ethan to a game of chess. "You're going down Hope," she teased. "In your dreams, Wilkes," Ethan taunted. "Oh please, I've beaten you at every game we've played since college."

"You don't know how happy I am that you were able to make it!" Mads exclaimed. "It's been years." "Well, you know how it is," Parker responded. "Work is always calling my name." "Strangerville is so far too. Is it true there are aliens out there?" Parker let out a nervous laugh.

Parker excused themself to grab a plate of food just at Mikayla sat down next to Mads. "So how's the grandparent life treating you?" she asked. "Don't call me that, it makes me sound so old," Mikayla complained. "But Sawyer is the sweetest, just like Nat was."

Rosie managed to track down the only other toddler invited to this dinner part, and very quickly struck up an incoherent conversation with Sawyer. Whatever they were talking about both girls seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Nat spent most of the night trying to avoid Leo, so this led her into a conversation with both of her mothers, and Parker in the back hallway of the Landcaster residence.

Nat's younger sister, Jayda, took a seat next to lacy making her feel quite tense. "You haven't seen Janie wandering around have you?" Violet asked. "I've been looking all over, but there are so many sims it's hard to move." "I haven't seen her yet," Lacy responded. "Sorry."

Jayda had enough of Lacy's mood and went to search for Parker's son, who was the only other child at the party. Violet scooted over next to Lacy. "She just promised she's come," Violet complained. "And she's nowhere to be found. Maybe I should go look again."

"Can we talk?" Leo asked after he was finally able to corner Nat alone. "I guess," Nat relied. Deep down she knew a conversation with Leo was inevitable. "I'm sorry," he told her. "I was a jackass for not showing up for Sawyer's birth when I promised I would."

"Honestly, Leo," Nat began to say. "You shouldn't have promised anything to begin with. Sawyer isn't your baby, and you were with Sofia at the time. It was unfair of me to expect you to be there, I guess I was just jealous." "But we're friends," Leo said "Wait, jealous?"

"And at the end of the day I don't want him to get hurt, and he just can't seem to understand that, " Lacy was venting to Violet. "It sounds like you have some issues to resolve here, Lacy," Violet pointed out. "I have no issues," Lacy snapped clearly irritated.

"Violet has a point," Ethan interjected. "You do seem to have some issues trusting yourself in relationships, also it seems like this Owen fellow really likes you. I could set up an appointment with Violet's therapist for you." "Absolutely not," Lacy snapped. "I'm fine, I swear."

Jackie decided to do some flash cards with Sawyer in a puddle of mystery pee.

(Seriously I have no clue who pissed on the floor)

As the evening drew to a close, Mads was finally able to meet little Sawyer. "Oh, Nat, she's just adorable," Mads exclaimed and then turned to Sawyer. "You really are lucky, Nat's going to be such an amazing mother." "What can I say," Nat shrugged.

Violet ended up heading outside to get some air. After everyone had left Mads decided to have a chat with her daughter. "Everything okay?" "Janie never showed," Violet told her. "She promised."

"She even asked how important it was to me that she come tonight, and then never showed," Violet ranted. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry" Mads tried to console her. "Like I'm starting to wonder if she even likes me at all" Violet admitted. "One second it's great and the next it's not"

Mads pulled Violet in for a hug. "I'll always be here for you," Mads assured her. "Thanks mom," Violet said. "But I actually kind of just want to be alone for now, can I take a walk. To clear my head?" "Sure," Mads told her. "Just be safe, alright." "Okay."

[thejosh1980]

2920 days and counting

It's been 8 years since I became free.

I can still remember parts of that last night drinking that ended up with me, as the sun came up, in an ambulance heading to a psychiatric hospital, it was a suicide watch kind of situation. 

I was in a bad way, and in very bad relationship, a very toxic one, with alcohol. I was too close to the relationship and couldn't see the damage until I was in hospital.

I have documented a lot of my journey in past blogs, particularly a year ago when I wrote The 7 year itch.

Recently I was chatting with a Dresden local, a musician who I have known since 2006. We had a couple of bands together, also played in each other’s other bands and drank and partied many times over the years.

In mid-2009 we had a big falling out, I can't remember all the details (a lot alcohol was involved) but we ended up coming to fisticuffs and I came out worse for wear. The bands and friendship we had ended pretty quickly after that. 

I know at the time we both pushed each other, egged each other on, and made fun of each other. Looking back there was little respect and big egos at play. Both too tough to show vulnerability or real care for each other. I know for my part, at the time I was not fully aware, nor willing to be accountable for my behaviour. 

All the problems were someone else's fault.

So then came several years of me being a fool, I wouldn't even visit places I knew he'd be at. Why should I? Why should I even bother to spend money in his establishments either, I was angry, he hurt my feelings. Mind you, I know now, I was just projecting my insecurities onto him, even if we weren't talking.

Fast forward a few years, and I got sober and I started to open up to new ways of being. Being vulnerable, being responsible, being accountable, and being open to building bridges. It was a long process, and it wasn't like we suddenly became mates again, but we did cross paths more and more often as time moved on.

I can't remember the exact year, but I'd say it was in 2018 or 2019, he asked if we could meet and have a chat about my drinking (or lack thereof). I remember he wanted to talk about my experiences and maybe get some advice. He explained to me he had come to realise that getting drunk was his way of creating an excuse to treat others badly. Well I sure as hell had been there before, we both had together, some 10 years prior. 

It was almost like we were ex-lovers, meeting years after “moving on” and opening up about our past mistakes. We realised we both had messed up, we'd both been mean and spiteful and difficult and challenging, and we were now open to clearing the air and rebuilding on our reconnection.

I can say that now, after that conversation we have grown to care for each other deeply. We're good mates, and even though I am now half a world away, we continue checking in on each other from time to time. We see each other’s posts on social media, and often that sparks a conversation.

Those conversations have become deep, meaningful, trusting, and caring. 

We didn't bury the past either. We opened it up, talked about it, and apologised. It wasn't easy for both of us, but it brought us back together. 

We no longer take the piss out of each other, we care for each other. We no longer have egos raising the toxicity level between us, we've both shared some deep feelings that have created the space to trust ourselves, being imperfect humans. Having that hard conversation, about our behaviour, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing our insecurities and worries, opened our friendship up to a deeper level, and man, it is awesome.

Bromance, love, care, trust, and friendship. 

Recently we were chatting and the subject of our reconnection came up. We both said we missed each other, and we are so glad that we reconnected. He said I wish I had done it sooner, and I responded that it happened at the right time, when both of us were open to the idea of reconnecting.

We are both musicians, and timing is everything. 

He isn't the first (or the last) person I have found a deeper connection with since I sobered up. I no longer partied for the hell of it, having superficial moments with people, and started enjoying coffee dates with deep and meaningful connections. It's been a journey and a real blessing. The more I open up, and share my vulnerabilities and insecurities, the more others do too, and that just gets us deeper and deeper, feeling connection and love.

I am not 100% happy, I haven't been for most of my life, but when I think back to the dickhead I often was on the booze, these days I can find gratitude and love for myself as a sober guy who shares, and connects, with people.

I am very blessed to have been on this journey since 6th February 2015. Often folks talk about “giving up” something as a bad thing, but what I have found is new ways to connect, experience and enjoy life. 

Thanks for reading,

Josh

[peaceinambiguity]

Okay, I'm at work and just had my lunch *cracks knuckles* IM READY TO SCREAM ABOUT EPISODE 6. So I have so many feelings, and I'm gonna see how best I can articulate. At first I thought I didn't enjoy this episode as much as last episode because last episode was literal gold, but I got fluttery feelings, and the squealies and just lots of things so I think it's fair to say that I really did appreciate this episode.

Firstly, I love Pat and Pran individually alot so just seeing him sets it off for me, but let's talk about Pat right now. The more I watched the episode, along with some analysis I read earlier in the week, I really couldn't help seeing his desperation and it was so endearing this episode to watch the lengths he was willing to go to talk to Pran. Despite him suggesting not caring about all outside factors that could impact their relationship to Pran, he was already starting to do that on his own. He went on a whole trip by himself (no posse, no safety net), lingered around Pran constantly, even being friendly or sociable to Pran's friends, and was prepared to get his ass beat because he figured that's just the price of trying to hang around Pran while still respecting his wishes and not disclosing whatever relationship they have going on

I really liked Pat's constant pleas to talk, his desire to get everything out in the air, to determine where he stands. And I find it such an interesting contrast to Pran. I'm not sure whether or not I was right in my earlier assessment that when Pran tips over the edge, he won't be able to come back, I might've underestimated the strength of his desires over the years and how much he's been holding that at bay. But I really can't be sure yet because the end of the episode, they do the bet, and post credits, Pat is doing his normal flirting and what does Pran do in return? Lick Pat's fingers????? HELLO? I feel like we've all acknowledged by now that the bet is just an excuse for both of them to confront their emotions from the safety and comfort of the familiar ground of competition. I'm particularly interested to see the scene from the ep 7 trailer where Pran is saying they're both tightlipped and need incentive to talk about how they really feel because firstly, wow self aware baby reads himself to filth and also how did that conversation come up and are we going to get a full fledged heart to heart? I would really love to see it and for pretenses to be dropped a bit, because I think Pran is tired of just not having Pat and Pat is very straightforward so even in the face of this competition, he's going to want to go all in.

All in all, I just want to see them both wooing each other, and flirting and sharing space and having conversations. and then later, they'll navigate their friends and their family. I really love when guys who have touchy families stand up to them right away and are like "fuck you, i'll like who i want, you're weird for trying to control that for me and i am tired of putting up w your controlling behaviour" but this time, i really wouldn't mind a few more episodes of Pran and Pat building trust together as a unit before they face the parents, because Pran's mom... (i might have to make another post about just her) and Pran's trauma from being transferred before.

[siena-sevenwits]

From @valiantarcher: 1-5, 7, 9, 29, and 30, please?

A book that drew you in right away.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison was one of the glories of my January. From the first page, the sheer confidence of the writing drew me in the way an actor with true stage presence captures you. The first scene of Maia dragged from his bed in the neglected hunting lodge to which his father the emperor has relegated him, to learn in the wee hours that he is suddenly emperor, brimmed with potential and interest. The viewpoint was immediately winning. Addison clearly had a foot in history, being unafraid and accurate in using "thou" as the informal rather than the formal mode of address. And Maia is just such a sympathetic, gentle-hearted yet stubborn character. The book went on to be a gem of worldbuilding and characterization and ideas about the nature of true charity. Highly recommended - even more so if you listen to the audiobook. Kyle McCarley gives one of the best narration performances I have ever heard.

A book that was difficult to get into, but turned out to be good.

Oh, so many. I am going to take a liberty and name a book I still have on the go, and am honestly not all that far in into. I've made a few attempts before at Dostoevsky's The Idiot, but all for naught until this round, despite the fact that I'd heartily enjoyed both The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment. This time, however, I pushed through the opening, and am now on firm ground. All of Dostoevsky's pathos and humour is here, but best of all are the compassionate philosophical observations of Prince Myushkin - the way his thoughts on the execution led him to think about why we waste precious moments even when we've been through experiences that should alter our approach to life forever is particularly interesting, and one that I fully expect to tie into the further developing themes of the story. The cast introduced so far are fascinating and ordinary and wild. I find myself with much to consider after every session. It's slow and conversational and meaningful.

A popular book that you love.

Might I count The Stormlight Archive series as one work? My brother don't live far from each other, and when we get together one of the ways we bond is reading aloud (adult siblings, take note, this is a delightful way to enjoy each others' company.) Over the last nearly two years, we've read through the majority of Sanderson's Cosmere works (with a few we decided to skip because of content considerations.) They are all plotty and imaginative and have caused us many hours of theorizing, but the books of The Stormlight Archive are something more, I think, and deserve to outlast the others in anyone's heart. These books enliven my desire for holiness. They resonate on a deeper level. The characters and their struggles and triumphs are in my blood. Everything Sanderson does best is heightened in this work, his writing is more mature, and while he's not a master of all aspects of writing, there are aspects that I would not hesitate to call genius. The further one reads, the more your investment in the intricacy of the story and characters pay off. (I must in good conscience warn that there are very, very occasional crude jokes, but infrequent and mild enough that I feel comfortable taking a bit of whiteout to them and moving on.)

A popular book you dislike.

I am going to take "popular" not in the sense of pop culture, but as in widely read and approved of. That would be Candide by Voltaire, which I had to read for an Early Modern European history class. Such a cynical, despairing, vulgar, banal work that fancies itself funny and profound. I am certain Voltaire was possessed of a sharper mind that I am, but he took it in entirely the wrong direction and wasted his talents. At length it became so gross in its crudities that even the satire was obscured, and I violated my principles as a good student by reading the Sparknotes because I couldn't take it anymore. Two other students and I carried virtually the whole discussion of it in class, and I later learned that one of them had also been so displeased with it that she'd also resorted to Sparknotes. We were brazen, but decided. Down with Candide.

I will answer the others another time. Thank you so much for the ask! The original ask post is here. My asks aren't working, but if you'd like to ask, feel free to tag me in a comment!

[gimbapchefs]

hi this will be a sappy post but bear with me...today (5/16) marks 7 years i've had this blog (lucky 7 wowow) and i just want to take this day to appreciate all of y'all who have found my blog and sent me love 💖

i started this sideblog when i was 13 because i had just started getting into kpop and didn't want to clog up my main blog with a bunch of snsd and exo posts. in 2015 i found bts and since then my blog and tumblr has become a safe spot that i can come to when i need happiness and warmth. ngl i was one of those lurkers that would see so many posts but didn't reblog or like for whatever reason so i apologize on behalf of 14-16 y/o me 😬. i never thought that i'd still have this blog 7 years later and be so active.

i didn't start posting gifs until the end of last year because i remembered i got ps with my dummy high college tuition (at least something was included for "free"😂) and it really was this post that blew up one night that made me want to keep making gifs. at that time i felt so much love seeing your reactions through your reblog tags, and i still do. i read every set of tags y'all write in your reblogs and will continue to because they bring me so much joy. i know my gifsets aren't the most amazing out there (some of you on this platform have the most pristine quality and coloring and i admire you so much 😣), but i'm still happy that i am making some of y'all's days even just a smidge bit brighter.

thank you to every single one of you whether you just leave likes or you reblog and leave me a boatload of tags to enjoy (no rly keep writing paragraphs in your tags i love it). thank you to those who leave me little messages in my ask box, my heart actually leaps when i read them 💓💗. thank you to all my amazing mutuals that i've made mainly over the last few months - i haven't gotten to talk to you all individually (my messages are open tho 👀), but you all are a reason why i keep coming to tumblr at every hour of the day 🌼❤️.

i'm so so so happy i've found a community where i can have a mental breakdown about bts and y'all will join me at any point of the day...but seriously y'all are great and i look forward to making more memories with you and more gifsets for you this year 🤗🥰.

i'll end this post by linking some of my favorite gifsets i've made (i really do still like mostly all of the gifsets i've made so this was hard why did i do this to myself...)

🌹jin just being jin /🐥jikook's lifetime long argument /🧈butter's promo 2 years early /🥺this one just melts me /🍌jin losing his bananas /🙈BABY

with much much much love and the fullest heart,

💜nat :)

ok i lied i'm not done 🤩as a bonus here's my favorite video of jimin because it has made me smile when i was in the darkest of times and also you deserve it if you made it to the bottom of this mess 😉

(under the cut is me sapping over my mutuals if you want to read that lol)

ok i was done but i lied again i want to shoutout a few-maybe-more-than-a-few of my mutuals who have meant the most to me :) (this was hard to breakdown to a short-ish list and i really do i appreciate every single one of you)

🌼@userjiminie rafa, my jikook buddy, we've only just started talking but i love our conversations, especially the ones in all caps and i also really look up to you as a creator :)

🌼@rosebowl sHARIKA omg you're like the sweetest person ever?? i love how we've become friends these past few weeks and cherish it (and i will fight off anyone who hurts u)

🌼@yoongisbengaliwife t!! you were one of the first mutuals i actually talked to and you were so kind and warm to me (and still are!!) our talks range from finding sweaty bts clips to career goals and i love that variety

🌼@taemaknae nic if angels were real i think you'd be one, you have the brightest and sweetest energy and i'm happy to call you my foodie soulmate hehehe

🌼@kithtaehyung ryennn/maybe my soulmate haha we've just started chatting but i can tell we will become friends hehe you deserve all the compliments so pls take them :3

🌼@taechnological saeee thank u for tagging me in the most thirst/heart palpitating posts i truly love screaming with you and will continue to scream with you

+ all my other mutuals that i cherish 💖🥺many of you have left asks in my inbox and it makes my heart so warm when you do so thank u for being sparks in my life 🤩💗

@jimindelune @gukreum @taegiseok @knjspjm @lovetrivia @btsaudge @jinjagi @yoongistics @duckjinnie @intokook @r-m @bibillyhillsbaby @blondesuga @bangtanger @kimtaehyunq @bisexualhobi @cherryjk @solivoire @taehyungq @floraljimin @artsyjoons @yoobijin @lilacjin @taemeout @suga-ssi @rookiehobi @hazeltae @mintvae @hobeah @candynamu @yoonglet @ggukminii @jinbestboy @pinkjjoon @blueandtaes @calicooky

OK i think this is all my mutuals??? i could very much be missing someone and i am sososososo sorry if i am pls let me know. i already said this but i'll say it again, i love every single one of you and joining this community was the best decision i ever made so thank u soso much and here i go on my 8th year with this blog :) 💜