#a hug like that forver

[trafficpan-ic]

Taylor Allison Swift said i could not.

She was right. She was so damn right.

[ah0yh0y]

being hit by alot of the VISIONSTM (of Zach and ari and other associated paras cuddling constantly I mean CONSTANTLY) and I think I might be touchstarved lol

[carrotpiss]

This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading

[saturnville]

brown sugar

pairing: lewis hamilton x black oc (victoria "tori" scott). summary: he loves her. she’s too blind to realize it. warnings: angst. reference: brown sugar (2002). wc: 5.9k. an: this took forver, ngl. and I don't even know if I like it for real LOL, but I hope you all do! tags: @boujiestpoet @mauvecherie-writes @saintslewis @greedyjudge2 @vile-harlot @emjayewrites @ggaslyp1 @neewrites @cocobutterqwueen

Working hard for what he desired was a concept that was instilled in him from a young age. If he wanted something, his father would say, it was up to him to put in the work to make it happen. He'd have help, he'd have support, but the grit had to come from within. It was a lesson he carried with him throughout his life. 

As a child, he was determined to become a successful racing driver. He'd now become the primary name in Formula One as one (if not) the greatest racing driver and the first Black driver, especially of his caliber. He'd broken barriers and found himself doing things he'd never thought he'd do; designing, producing, and mentoring. 

He was determined in every aspect of his life, including his love life. Or, the lack thereof. He was used to the fast life of money, cars, and women, but as he grew older, it seemed unappealing. Bringing random women homemade his stomach clenched in discomfort, staying out too late made his head hurt, and having a large bed to himself grew lonesome. 

But, he knew what he wanted. He put in effort to ensure that, even selfishly, he got wanted; always did. And it was going to be her.

-

"Hello?" Her voice reverberated throughout the airy penthouse. Her heels kissed the hardwood floor as she entered the foyer of his home. Her nostrils widened as she inhaled deeply. He was still present. The scent of his favorite cologne lingered and tickled her senses. "Lewis!"

"Do you like yelling my name or something?" he joked as he came around the corner. As he came into view, she smiled gently. He looked very comfortable. He wore a pair of loose-fitted black sweatpants and pulled the matching sweatshirt over his head. His hair, as usual, was pulled into a low bun and a lazy smirk played on his lips. 

She rolled her eyes playfully and welcomed his hug and kiss on the side of her neck. She shuddered. "Try again. I came to drop this off." In her hand was a black restaurant-like bag. Lewis dropped his hand to her waist and turned his head to the side. He watched as she swallowed thickly. She said, "Nothing much. I cooked and had a lot left over." 

Lewis' eyes lit up in excitement. Her love language was cooking. Her grandmother was the 

chef of her family, often teaching everyone, including herself, her family recipes. And since leaving the States to move to Europe for business, her grandmother's recipes were the bridge that kept her connected with her Mississippi roots. Lewis was always an indirect benefit of her love for her roots. 

"You spoil me," Lewis said boyishly, allowing her to put the bag in his hand. The scent was familiar. Greens, green beans, cabbage, vegan mac n' cheese (an extra step she took), black-eyed peas and rice, and a small portion of. "Thank you." Lewis visited the States plenty of times, but nothing was as fulfilling as Grandma Eve's cooking, and he learned that from the first time he went to Mississippi with her. 

"Something like that, but that's all I wanted." 

Lewis's face turned upward. "You're not staying?" She shook her head. 

"I have a date." That didn't go over well with Lewis. He grunted in disdain and took a step back from her. She pursed her lips and turned her head to the side. "Don't act like that. I told you I had a date three days ago." 

He never forgot about her date. He simply didn't care. Not because he didn't care about her happiness and romantic prosperity, he didn't believe that the guy (or any other guy, for that matter) that she'd gone out with, was worthy of her. They weren't worthy of being in her presence, let alone breathing her air. He never forgot, he just knew she deserved more. 

"Mhm," Lewis hummed. He dug into the bag and plucked a piece of cornbread from the napkin atop the containers. "Yeah, I know. Guess I gotta eat all this by myself..." She chuckled and waved him off. She dropped a kiss against his cheek and waved, "I've got to go. I'll tell you about it later." 

Lewis nodded. It made his chest hurt saying, "Enjoy, love," but by the smile on her lips, he knew she appreciated it. 

"Thank you, baby!" 

He huffed deeply as she left his home, the nickname she gave rubbing his insides warmly. He only hoped he'd still hear her say it. 

-

She met the man. She said she met the man, who took her out and was everything a partner should be. He was kind, generous, and a leader--the overall catch. He tried not to show the jealousy, the envy, the discomfort on his face when she spoke of him, of this David character. 

He tried to stay happy, smiling and supporting her newfound love with the man who seemingly swept her off her feet. Lewis kept showing up for her in every way he could until he couldn't anymore. 

There was no reason (in his opinion), to show up when another had filled his place. Lewis knew it was wrong, but how long could he accept being pushed into the background by the woman he'd come to know and love in a way most wouldn't imagine? He knew it was wrong, but his heart couldn't take it. 

Once her phone calls slowed, texts grew less, and she stopped showing up how she used to, he didn't force it. He did what most hurt people did; he fell back. 

-

"You talk to Lewis lately?" Her friend asked. Tori thought for a moment. She hadn't seen him, she hadn't spoken to him, and she hadn't been to his races in a while. Life had been on the rise and her schedule grew busy. She'd accepted the position as senior partner at the law firm and had found love. Her life had changed so much that she hardly realized their disconnect. 

Tori took a sip of her almond red wine and twisted her lips. Suddenly, the sweet red was bitter against her tongue. She didn't meet the eyes of her friend, Jen, who grew curious with her silence. Tori swirled the liquid in the cup and shrugged. "No, it's been a while. He...he reached out to congratulate me on the promotion and I was told he came to the party, but I didn't see him. I haven't heard from him since." That was a month ago.

"I did," Jen countered. "He spoke to everyone, left a gift for you, and tried to get to you, you weren't around, so he left." 

Tori's stomach jerked. How had she not seen him? She'd known Lewis like the back of her hand, which included being able to sense his presence. How had she failed? 

"You were with David for most of the night, so, that's expected. I know you two are close, so the fact that you haven't said much about him is shocking. Did you at least thank him for the gift?" 

Shame fell over her. "I never knew he got me one. I just assumed he came and went because I didn't see him. I was so focused on everything else." 

Jen's eyes narrowed. This was odd. "So you don't remember the black box with the gold ribbon? Cursive writing on the bottom?" Tori shook her head. At first, she thought it was from David, but when he did not take credit for it, she simply pushed it into the corner of her room and said she'd get to it later, along with the other gifts that awaited her attention. 

Tori groaned, "I feel terrible." She hadn't known her best friend come to celebrate with her, she hadn't recognized his handwriting on a gift he got her, and she made no effort to show up for him within the last few weeks. And even worse, she hardly realized the shift. 

"You should," Jen shrugged. "I'm all for expanding your circle, trying new things, exploring new people, but abandoning your friend in the process isn't cool, T, and you know it. He loves and cares for you a lot, so I can only imagine how it feels to ignore my calls and texts while you're living la vida loca with this new guy and his circle." 

This time, Tori's eyes narrowed. "What does David have to do with this?" 

If only she wasn't so naive sometimes. Jen chuckled and shook her head, "I see you don't know your friend as well as you think you do." 

What was that supposed to mean?

-

Tori went home that night and sauntered to the corner of her room where the remaining gifts resided. Her friends and family were quite generous, having blessed her with money for new outfits, a new lunch box to carry, coffee mugs, and decor for her new office. However, her eye was trained on the black box with a gold ribbon. It was off to itself in the corner, hidden by everything in front of it. 

Tori crawled toward it and shuffled it toward her. It was heavy in her hands. She shook it. On the bottom was the cursive writing. To My Love, congratulations on all you've accomplished. Xx, LH. 

Her forefinger and thumb pulled the ribbon and opened the box after. She couldn't stop the tears from swelling once she saw what was inside. There were small knickknacks, such as her favorite snacks that she never had the time to get and a pearl necklace that matched his. But, what tugged at her heartstrings was the letter that was framed beautifully. A letter to herself, from herself. One that she swore she'd never see again. A note was on the front. Since your dreams have become a reality, here's your reminder that you can do all you put your mind to, Xx, LH.

"I wrote myself a letter. I don't remember what I did with it, but I wrote to my future self. All things that I'd hoped to accomplish in five years." 

Lewis turned his head, "And what's that?"

Tori sighed dreamily. "I want to make senior partner. Hopefully, own property and stop renting. I want to travel and go places I never thought I'd be able to afford. I want to find love. I want to be happy, Lewis. Truly happy." 

"And you think you'll get there in 5 years? To true happiness?"

She nodded, "I do."

Dear Tori, 

I can't believe you did it! Promotion to senior partner is no easy feat. Not only are you a senior partner, but you're the youngest in company history. When the world kept trying to decline you a seat at the table, you brought a folding chair and made your presence known. I hope you're proud of yourself. 

Did you ever take that trip to Athens? I hope so. I know you're a mythology nerd. I hope you went with Lewis; he always supported your nerdiness. 

And love? Is it there yet? How is the dating pool? Is it still terrible or have you found a man that you love? Is he caring, humble, generous (not just financially), and supportive? Make sure you're not settling! You know Lewis wouldn't approve of you settling. You're too good to settle. 

Write back in five years. I can't wait to hear about what you've done. 

I'm proud of you. All the love, 

Tori

Tori sighed heavily. She'd accomplished a lot that was on her list. She made senior partner, she explored Greece, Rome, and Alexandria, Egypt for her birthday the previous year with Lewis, and had more fun than she could have ever imagined. She remembered the trip like the back of her hand. From how he surprised her with the tickets on a Saturday morning and sent her on a spa day to prepare. How he had an itinerary planned for their 14 day excursion across two continents. His intentionality and persistence in ensuring she was fulfilled never went unnoticed...until recently. 

It made her wonder...did she have everything she wanted? Sure, she got the promotion she desired and deserved, she bought a home, and she met a good man. But, did she love David, was the question, and if she didn't love him, how did she allow him and her newfound success to blind her from the genuine connections she had before? When and why had she changed? 

Her eyes wandered over the box again. To my love. She missed him, she had to admit. Seeing his beautiful smile and eyes light up whenever she walked into a room and feeling his warmth whenever he hugged her. She wondered how he was doing. Would he pick up if she called? 

-

Lewis sat on the balcony of his penthouse humming along to the music that played on the outdoor speakers. His eyes caught the twinkle of the stars above and the winks of buildings. The night, quiet and gentle, had settled into a familiar sense of loneliness. He nursed a glass in his hand, swirling the liquid around, its color catching the light of his environment. The weight of the past few weeks had weighed on him heavily, especially with the growing distance between him and Tori. 

He missed her presence in his life--their conversations, her laughter, and the way she effortlessly made his house feel like a home. He replaced their last interaction in his mind, the way she casually mentioned her date with David. The bitterness ate at him ever since, not because she was with someone else, but because he hadn't been honest with her or himself. 

Lewis sighed and set down the glass. He picked up his phone and scrolled through the messages he'd sent her, most of which went unanswered. It hurt to feel her drifting away, especially knowing she was happy with someone else. But he couldn't keep pretending that he was okay with just being her friend. He couldn't keep pretending that he didn't love her. 

His phone buzzed. A message from Tori. He felt a strange mix of hope and dread as he opened it. 

Tori: Hi...I've been meaning to catch up. It's been a while since we talked. Been thinking about you. How are you?

He stilled. She thought of him. After all this time, she thought of him. 

Lewis: Hey love. It's good to hear from you. I've been okay, just busy with everything. I'd love to catch up if you're up for it.

Lewis gnawed on his bottom lip as he awaited her reply. He saw the three bubbles appear, but they disappeared just as they appeared. Fifteen minutes went by. He sat in the same place, phone in hand, tapping the screen every time it tried to go to sleep. His jaw clenched in annoyance and his stomach churned with an emotion he couldn't identify. 

She reached out once after not speaking to him in so long, and once he replied, she disappeared. Was she purposefully playing with him? 

Lewis: I see you're busy. I hope everything's okay.

Twenty minutes later, he received another message. 

Tori: Sorry, Lew. Dinner w/ David and his friends. Can we catch up another time? 

He didn't reply. Lewis stood from the seat outside and walked into his house, leaving the phone by its lonesome all night long. 

-

There was a gathering for her friend, Tone. He wanted to celebrate his birthday at his pool house and invited his closest friends and acquaintances to join him. So, Tori packed a bag, put on the best swimsuit she owned, and walked through the double doors with a smile on her face. 

As she moved through the room, her eyes scanned for familiar faces, until they landed on Lewis, standing on the balcony, looking unusually distant. 

Even from her position, she noted how different he seemed. His usual warm and welcoming demeanor was replaced by an aloof presence. He chatted with people, but Tori noticed he wasn't as animated, not as lively. 

She debated on if she'd approach him. Before she could finish debating, her feet carried her to him, her heart inexplicably heavy. 

"Lewis," she called softly. A small smile was on her face as she stepped closer. He turned to face her. The expression on his face was unreadable. "Hey, stranger."

He offered her a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Hey, Tori. Long time, no see."

An awkward chuckle fell from her lips as she felt the sting of his words. However, she continued, "How've you been?"

Lewis shrugged once. "Busy." There was tension in the air, palpable and uncomfortable. Tori shifted her weight, unsure of what to say next. His demeanor was so different from what she knew. 

She looked around, noticing how everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, oblivious to the sudden awkwardness that grew like a weed. "I've missed hanging out with you," she said gently, hoping to prod at something within him. 

Lewis nodded, but there was a coldness behind his eyes. "Things change, I guess." 

Ouch. Tori swallowed hard, trying to understand where he was coming from. "You seem different. Is everything okay?"

He looked at her for a long moment. Even so concerned, she still managed to miss the point. In the same flat tone, he said, "I've been dealing with some things." He avoided her gaze after that. 

Tori's chest tightened. She realized she hadn't been there for him, too caught up in her own life to notice the distance that had grown between them. But she couldn't understand why he was being so distant now, so cold. 

Tori chewed along her lip, hesitating before she spoke again. "Is this above David?" she asked, her voice hardly above a whisper. 

Lewis's jaw ticked. He turned to face her fully, a mixture of frustration painted on his features. His eyes rolled once. "It's not just about David, Victoria," he said, his voice low but firm. She gasped slowly. "It's about everything. You're so caught up in your new life, your new job, your new boyfriend. Have you forgotten about the people who were there before all of this?"

His words hit her like a ton of bricks. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She hadn't realized the extent of the distance she manufactured and hadn't noticed how her actions were affecting those around her, especially Lewis. She felt a lump form in her throat, guilt washing over her. 

"I'm sorry," she finally managed to say, her voice cracking. "I didn't mean to push you away. I didn't realize..."

Lewis shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. "I know, love," he interrupted softly, resignation evident in his voice. "But it happened. And I can't just ignore that."

Her mind raced back to her conversation with Jen and her revelation while opening gifts. She was losing touch with what truly mattered. Standing here now, feeling the weight of Lewis's words, she understood that her new life, while exciting, had pushed away those who had been there for her. Her realization about David became clearer-while she cared for him, he didn't understand her in the way Lewis did. David's presence highlighted what was missing, rather than fulfilling her in the way he had hoped.

"I miss you," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. Her eyes welled with tears as she faced the uncomfortable truth and consequences of her actions. 

Lewis looked at her, his expression softening for a moment. "I miss you too...but I can't keep pretending that everything's okay when it's not." 

The weight of his words settled heavily between them. They stood there in silence, the noise of the party fading into the background as they stood in the thick of it. Just as she prepared to say something else, she felt a hand settle around her waist. She looked up--David. Her eyes cut to Lewis, who chuckled lowly. 

"Hey, babe. Got off early." David pressed a kiss against her forehead and looked at Lewis, who stood expressionless. 

"Lew..." 

"I'll catch you around, V." With a nod toward David, Lewis set his cup down and walked away. If things kept going the way they were, he'd never speak with her again, and she couldn't live with that. 

-

A week passed and she hadn’t heard from Lewis. Her messages went unread and her calls went unanswered. It had been a week since she saw Lewis. She'd sent messages and called, all of which were ignored. She went as far as sending flowers. Flowers! David never got flowers from her. But Lewis did. 

She couldn’t get ahold of him and it drove her mad. She often pondered about what could possibly be going through his mind--was he fed up with her? 

She spent minutes, hours, and days with her eyes trained at the nearest blank wall, going through the motions in her head. Save for tonight, she didn’t have much time for that. She had an evening event planned with David that she couldn’t get out of even if she tried; she confirmed her RSVP and paid the registration fee. She’d have to suck it up and deal with it like a big girl. 

When she heard a knock on her door, she sulked to the entryway and unlocked in reluctance.

David’s presence filled the space as she stepped away from the door. "You alright?" he asked, concern knitting his brow as he took in her somber demeanor.

She forced a smile, but it felt like a mask slipping from her face. "Yeah, just a long week."

“M’fine,” she mumbled, avoiding his gaze. She swiped her purse off the side table. She tucked it under her arm, rolled her shoulders back, and nodded. “Let’s just get through tonight, okay?”

David eyed her intently but said nothing further. He opened the door and allowed her to walk ahead of him to the car, which she got in herself, as she often did because he was too busy trying to race to the driver’s side.

She scoffed. Lewis would never let her touch a door handle. 

-

The ride to the event was turmoil. David was oblivious to her turmoil as he mindlessly hummed to the pop songs on the radio as he drove.

When they arrived at the event, Tori plastered a smile on her face. T the atmosphere was vibrant--an array of colors as the theme was tropical living, with a surplus of exotic foods and drinks from all over the world. However, the underlying tension between Tori and David crept through. 

“Gonna get a drink,” David said in her ear. “Do you want anything?” Tori rejected and ushered him to enjoy himself. He pressed his lips against her forehead, to which she gave a tight-lipped smile. 

David nodded once and retreated toward the bar. She watched from a distance as he spoke with the bar attendant, breaking her gaze every once in a while to speak to others she was familiar with. But, when she saw his eyes light up and his smile widened when a woman made her way toward him, her eyes lowered. 

Who was she? She was pretty, Tori admitted. She was taller than she was, curvier in shape with light eyes. The woman leaned in, petted David’s color, and giggled at whatever he whispered in her ear. Her jaw ticked. 

The icing on the cake was when her lips touched the corner of his mouth. He did nothing. He only pressed further into her space. He seemed comfortable, which meant he’d done this before. Her tongue ran over her front teeth as her stomach bubbled and her throat grew tight, She turned on her feet and walked toward the bathroom. 

She dapped water on her face and looked in the mirror. This was not the place to fall apart. 

Tori returned to the event a few minutes later and still, David was entertaining the woman with no more shame than he had lacked before. 

As the night grew, her discomfort and frustration did, too. She spent most of her night alone speaking to familiar faces while David smooth-talked that woman. And soon enough, she couldn’t take it anymore. The more she glanced over, the more tears pooled her eyes, the shakier her voice got when she spoke, and the quicker her resolve wore down. 

“Excuse me,” she said quietly, swiftly exiting the conversation. She opened her clutch and fished out her cell phone. One way or another, she was going to leave before she suffocated. Her thumb hovered over the dial pad as she debated entering the 10-digit number she knew by heart. If she called, would he answer?

Tori gnawed on her bottom lip as she debated. Her determination to get out of the door curbed her ability to hear David calling after her. “Tori! Where are you going?” 

“I’m leaving,” she said quietly, not turning to face him. “You can continue with the girl you were with.” 

David huffed and rolled his eyes, “It wasn’t like that. You’re overreacting.” 

Tori turned slowly. “You mean to tell me that you come to an event with your girlfriend, go to the bar, snuggle with some broad, and you think it wasn’t like that?” 

The disrespect was glaring. 

David’s hands went up. “Because it wasn’t! She’s a co-worker.” Tori rolled her eyes. He disrespected her and was okay with it. He was comfortable with disrespecting her and saw no fault in it. She could only imagine what happened when she wasn’t in the room.

“Consideration is one of the best things someone can give another person,” Lewis told her as they walked along a trail. “If something would hurt you, I’d never do it to you. And if I did hurt you, unintentionally, it’s up to me to listen to you and take accountability, even if I didn’t mean to. It’s the kind thing to do.” 

What a difference between the two. Originally, David fit in the picture of what she thought she wanted, but everything was a facade. If he couldn’t admit his faults, how kind, generous, and supportive was he? What kind of leader did that make him? But Lewis, her partner through life’s ups and downs embodied empathy, understanding, and emotional maturity. 

The realization hit her hard. A mix of sadness and clarity. She’d been naive and out of the loop for so long, but in this bittersweet moment, she began to understand how she felt. Her life was good, but there was potential for more. David filled a space, but there was still a lingering emptiness without Lewis. 

Then, her conversation with Jen registered in her mind. How Lewis brought her that considerate gift, handwritten and thought out. David didn’t get her anything. Nothing but congratulations, a kiss, and an offer to buy her coffee on her first day. Her connection was nowhere near as deep and genuine as she had hoped and thought. 

The dots connected. Lewis loved her in a way she didn’t think to acknowledge. And with the revelations she had, the recent interactions with David, and the lack of interaction with Lewis that had her in emotional turmoil, she understood that she may have loved him the same way.

Everything became clear.

“Go back to her,” Tori said after some time. She held the phone to her ear and listened as it rang. “We’re done.”

The phone rang and rang. Her heart sank further as the waiting period grew longer. Then, she heard him. “Hello?” she heard on the other line. “Tori?” Hearing his voice made her eyes water. 

“Will you please come get me? I’ll be at the hotel on Fourth Street. Will you...” Tears began to flood her eyes as her frustration broke through.

She heard ruffling in the background and keys jingling. Lewis’s voice was clear, “I’m on my way.” 

Lewis arrived fifteen minutes later, waiting by the passenger door. Tori sighed in relief. When she was close enough, he opened it and assisted her in the car. 

“Thank you,” she said softly.

Lewis nodded, his eyes still trained on the road. “Anytime.”

-

The silence from the car ride lingered, thick with unspoken words and emotions. Tori stood awkwardly near the entrance, arms wrapped around herself, feeling the weight of everything she’d endured. Her eyes were red from holding back tears and her body was tense, still bracing for the chaos she left behind with Lewis. 

Lewis moved with quiet grace. He didn’t rush her, rather approached her with a familiar tenderness she forgot existed. “C’mon, let’s get you comfortable.” 

Tori found her way to the couch. Lewis knelt in front of her and lifted the hem of her dress. He took her foot in his hand, one by one, and plucked the expensive heels off her feet. Tori watched him, her breath caught in her throat. She could hardly believe how natural the ordeal felt. His touch, even in this simple act, was a balm to her frayed nerves. Her feet slipped free and she wiggled her toes, sighing in relief.

Lewis stood and offered his hand. A beat passed between them. She felt an array of emotions. Vulnerable by the events of the last few days, but she pushed them aside and took his hand. They made it to his room a few moments later. Tori followed him to his closet where a drawer full of her clothes was located. 

Without being prompted, Lewis’s hands were steady as he unzipped the back of her dress, giving her space to shrug it off. As her dress slipped down her waist and pooled at her feet, Lewis rummaged for something for her to wear, wanting to give her privacy and the dignity of handling herself. 

She couldn’t help but note the distinct difference in the approaches between David and Lewis. There was never such a powerful, wordless communication that made her feel seen. Lewis allowed her to control the pace. So, when she walked toward the bathroom and beckoned him to follow, he did. 

They faced the large mirror and Tori’s heart fluttered. He was very handsome, she noted. Still dressed from the evening’s excursions, she presumed. He wore a blue and white sweatshirt with baggy jeans and boots. A hat covered his unbraided hair but it still didn’t mask his beauty.  

Without much thought, she leaned into him. The warmth of his body eliminated the coldness she felt earlier. She closed her eyes and basked in the steady rise and fall of his chest. As she found herself relaxed against him, Lewis’s hands found their way into her hair, fingers deftly undoing the pins and ties. The sensation sends a shiver down her spine. 

Tori’s mind raced as she felt overwhelmed by the gentleness of his touch. It was all too much and yet it was exactly what she needed. Every brush of his fingers against her scalp, every slight shift of his body to accommodate her, spoke volumes. She felt her defenses crumble and a soft sob escaped her lips. 

Lewis didn’t speak; he held her. His arms wrapped around her, firm yet tender like she was a precious jewel. Tori buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of him. It was intoxicating; a mix of nostalgia and comfort. His grip on her was tight—he’d never let her go. Through her pajamas, she felt his warm hands caressing her back as she shuddered with emotion. He whispered sweet words in her ear, further accelerating her emotional rollercoaster. But after a few moments, ori pulled back slightly to look at him. His eyes are filled with concern and something much deeper, something that made her heart ache with longing and desire. She missed this, and she missed him much more. She missed how he saw her and knew her so well. He knew her.

“What did he do?” Lewis’s voice was low. He released an arm from her body and wiped her tears away from her eyes, ignoring the brown makeup stains on his sweatshirt and the black mascara under her eyes.  

Tori smiled sadly and shrugged her shoulders. Simply, she replied, “He wasn’t you.”

The words cycled in his head like a wheel. What did she mean by that? Did she mean it literally or was there something hidden behind her words?

“Tori…” Lewis dropped his hands from her waist and sighed. “What are you talking about?”

He needed to hear her say it all. Everything he desired to hear, he needed to hear her say it. 

“He wasn’t…he isn’t you, Lewis.”

He said nothing. 

“I don’t know what I was so clouded by but,” she paused, taking his hands in her own. “He’s not as considerate or kind, not as sensitive or sincere. He was all on a girl this evening and saw no issue with it. He didn’t open my door and saw no issue with it. Then I started thinking…you’d never do that to me because you never have.”

Lewis’s face turned up. “So it’s about what I can do for you.”

Tori’s eyes widened. “No! No, it’s about the intent behind what you do that sets you apart. You…are just so kind and considerate without wanting anything in return. Not saying you don’t deserve it, but your selflessness and overall nature are so beautiful and I cannot believe I was blind to it all this time.” Her cadence increased as she continued to rattle off her enwfound revelations regarding him. 

Lewis’s dark eyes studied her face. He searched for any trace of uncertainty. His heart pounded so loud that he heard it in his ears; a mix of emotions swarmed within him.

“Do you mean that?” he asked quietly, his voice tinged with vulnerability. 

Tori nodded empathetically, squeezing his hands tighter. “Every word. I mean every word. I was so caught up in what I thought I wanted, in what looked good on paper. But you—you’ve been the one who’s always been there, who’s always seen me, even when I didn’t see myself.”

She took a breath, “David was what I thought I wanted, but you...you’re what I need. And I can’t believe it took me this long to see it.”

Lewis swallowed, his throat tight. “It’s nice to know you might feel the same way…” His voice was thick with emotion, and for a moment, they both just stood there, letting the gravity of the moment sink in. The air between them crackled with unspoken words. Tori’s heart ached as she saw the pain in his eyes, the hurt he’d been holding onto for so long. “I’m so sorry, Lewis. For not seeing you, for not appreciating you like I should have.”

Lewis shook his head, a small, sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You’re here now, though.”

She blinked back tears, overwhelmed by his forgiveness. Always so kind. She stepped closer, closing the gap between them, and rested her forehead against her chest. “I’m here,” she whispered

Tori pulled back slightly, just enough to look into his eyes. “I do now,” she said softly. “And I’m sorry I made you wait. But I’m here, and I’m yours, Lewis. If you still want me.”

Lewis’s eyes darkened with emotion, and he gently cupped her face in his hands. “I’ll always want you.”

He leaned in, brushing his lips against hers in a kiss that was tender but laced with the promise of everything he’d been holding back. It was a kiss that spoke of his love, his desire, and his quiet, steadfast determination, despite all the ups and downs, to finally have what he’d always wanted—her.

[dreamauri]

may I request another oscar sub fic? I loved your previous one and honestly we need more oscar fics on here

♪ — 𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗚 𝗪𝗔𝗜𝗧𝗦 𝗦𝗨𝗖𝗞 sub! oscar piastry x dom! fem! reader (fluff) “. . . more bottom boy oscar with some aftercare.”

( master list | more of oscar piastri ) ( requests | taglist )

"There you are." You mumbled into Oscar's ear, hugging his waist from behind. He could only shudder feeling your fingers trail under his shirt, the music in the club filling his ears as your swayed with his.

Taking his hand, you turned him around and pulled him into your chest. "I was promised a podium." You pouted, wrapping your arms around his neck and laying your head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry- Carlos turned into me and-" "Shh . . . Let's go home."

The trip back to Australia dragged on forver. Oscar felt like he was going to break with how much you were teasing and refusing him. How your hand would ride up a little to close, or how your hand would trace a little too low down his chest. How you held his inner thighs the whole flight.

At some point you were laying your head on his lap with his hand holding you from your stomach so you wouldn't fall off. Oscar felt like he was going to pop each time you nudged or snuggled back into him.

He leaned his head back gritting his teeth and gripping the soft skin of your stomach. Sucking in a breath and suppressing a cuss. He watched your sleeping body turn to face his, your mouth inches away from where he need you most.

He held you throughout the whole trip back home. Whether he held your arm, hands, waist, shoulder. He couldn't keep his hands off of you. Your game was stretching out for to long.

And when he finally closed the apartment door behind you, his mouth had quickly found the skin of your neck with his hands hugging your waist from behind. You giggled at his hunger, leaning back in his chest letting him enjoy it.

"Please?" He heard him, feeling his nails digging in your skin. "I need you." "You need me?" You cooed, hand caressing the back of his head. You could feel his hips stutter into thrusts with his breaths pick up. You've riled him up too much.

Turning around in his body, you connected your lips with Oscar who didn't waist time opening his mouth and grant your tongue entrance.

The apartment filled with moans and whines as a trail of clothes formed on the floor to the bedroom. Oscar felt his body's heat contrast with the cold wall you pressed him into. He watched in the mirror a few feet away as you got on your knees and took his tip in your mouth.

You could feel his body shudder under your touch, hands gripping your hair as you sucked on the senstive tip, leaving the rest of his shaft pulse and twitch in the cool air. You heard Oscar's moans and begs as he tried to push your head further down or thrust up into you.

"C-close." He breathed out, feeling himself slouch down and bush his hand in your hair. "Y/N- No!" He squeaked feeling you pull away. He whined sliding down against the wall, watching you mark up his collar bone and neck, leaving bite marks and hickies for him to panic about tomorrow.

He whined watching you stand up, holding your hand and hugging your thighs to try and keep you beside him. "I'll be back. We're not done yet." You  chuckled, ruffling his hair, slipping carefully from his grip.

He didn't know where you went off to, but you swore he liked like a little puppy wagging its tail when you came back, waiting for orders. And who were you to deny him what he wanted. You wrapped you legs around his waist once he lifted you up, gently pressing you into the wall.

voice notes 🔊 . . . ↳ sorry, in know it was short :( i'll write another one soon enough, pink promise

[bringinubackto2014]

How the creepypasta's would be in a relationship.

Jeff The Killer

•He's probably the worst to date tbh. I don't see him as a misunderstood uwu boy, no he's manic. He'd get less assholey the longer you were together though, but in the beginning expect being insulted more than greeted

•He wouldn't be physically affectionate either. Maybe you'll get to hug him once or twice, but for the first year or so if you try to initiate something expect to be pushed away. But maybe once he trusts you (it'll take years) then he'll cuddle you once in a blue moon.

•A goodish thing about dating him instead of the others, he doesn't get jealous, and if he does its only a little bit. He probably wont care too much if you do leave him, but if he grows it love you A LOT he'll just kill whoever tried to take you, simple as that. (just an extra thing I feel like he'd want to give you the mouth scar he has to claim you as his)

overall rating 5/10, it would suck dating but he's hot so ill give him that

Eyeless Jack

•He's really quiet, so don't expect verbal praises or compliments too much. But he's definitely more loving than Jeff. But he probably loves way more easily, it'll take a good 9 months for him to realize that he doesn't ever want to kill or eat you, and that he's found someone he cares for.

•He's super strong and tall, maybe around 8 feet. But he has a sleeper build (idk if that's the right term), this dude looks skinny but he could crush your head with two of his fingers if he wanted to. So he always has to be gentle, he'd be really scared of touching you at first

•Before he found love in being affectionate with you, he would offer you organs (how sweet), to be honest, he'd probably want to propose by giving you a ring stuck in a kidney. (He's a true romantic)

overall rating 7/10 he's great but your gonna have to drive everywhere since he's blind and the smell of human organs get a little gross sometimes

Ticci Toby

•He says that he doesn't trust people at first, that might be true but when he met you. oh God his trauma spilled out so fast. He didn't mean to spill it but it just kinda came out

•Once he found out that he could trust you he loved you with all his heart. He gets really shy but he'll compliment you all the time under his breathe. He wouldn't anitiate hugs/cuddles or anything and it'll take him a while to get comfy with it. But once he does he'll never want to stop holding you

•He has a lot of anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns. Do NOT touch him when thats happening, he can't control himself. So he'll either hide in the woods or sit in Jack's room until he feels better

overall rating 9/10 he's pretty much perfect other than the breakdown things, but he goes on TikTok and I feel like he goes thought depressed vent pages (like the ones made by kids who got yelled at their parents once.) and he quotes them a lot so its kinda annoying

Jane (she's mine guys sorry)

•Kinda like Jack she's very quiet and distant. It takes FORVER to get her to trust you so until then expect one sided convos. Once she does open up she'll express her love verbally, but rarely and she speaks so quiet its hard to hear

•She's a writer, she'll write you love letters, in the beginning she'll hide them, but eventually she'll let you read some. Only some. She'll also write poems as well, she would make a whole book of poems she wrote for you.

•It'll take months for her to take her mask off, she'll need constant reassurance about her face and her scars. If you do her makeup in the style of her mask (gothic kinda) she would marry you. right then and there

overall rating 10/10 nothing is wrong with that perfect woman

[yawntutsyip]

Rotxo x Ao’nung’s Twin Sister

Warnings: Not proof read, super messy,

AN: This was just something a came up for a story but I’m too lazy to write it out 🤭❤️ also Rotxo has been on my mind 😦 feeling like giggling and kicking my feet he’s so precious

masterlist

You always hung out with Ao’nung and Rotxo with their friends.

Rotxo always thought you were pretty and would blush every time he saw you

He also tends to talk about you or bring you up because your always on his mind

“Oh look at these shell I found at the bottom, aren’t these (Y/N)’s favorite?

“This fruit is delicious, do you think (Y/N) would like some?”

Ao’nung was not oblivious, he saw right through Rotxo, knowing he had a thing for his sister.

Ao’nung at first didn’t like it because ew gross my sister? and she’s so annoying how could you like her? There’s better girls

Plus there was the hidden protective brother in him that he hides

But he knows Rotxo would treat you well, he trust Rotxo as that is his best friend

One day he was sitting down with Rotxo as they were sharpening spears and decided this would be a good time to bring it up

“Rotxo…do you like my sister?”

Rotxo was shocked, had he been that obvious? Did you know?!? Was Ao’nung gonna be mad?

Rotxo searched Ao’nung’s face for any frown or a hint of anger but there was nothing but a calm look

Finally mustering up the courage he told Ao’nung yes,

“I like (Y/N)…she is the most beautiful Metkayina girl I have ever laid my eyes on. Since day once of meeting you guys I feel in love with her and all her little quirks she has. (He went on more to talk about you)

Ao’nung was like Rotxo shut up that’s gross I don’t want to hear you talk about my sister like that.

Ao’nung also was like, since your my bro and I’m also tired of having my sister moan and groan about being lonely I’ll help you ig 😒

They came up with a plan together, they set up a whole thing with flower petals and cut fruit and candles and shit (it was cute)

Ao’nung is gonna distract his parents while he has Tsireya sneak you out to go meet Rotxo

Rotxo will be waiting and confess is undying love

THEN BAM KISS KISS MUAH YOUR TOGETHER

Yeah, so that’s how they thought is was gonna go..

When Ao’nung was trying to distract his parents Tsireya had already been passed out 💀 she was tired so then he switched up and was like

Actually you know how responsible (Y/N) is? Like you should have her to take a walk, ACTUALLY I WILL take my lovely sister on a walk let us have some bonding time yeah?

They were like “bond here. Wtf? It’s late”

Yeah this wasn’t working.

Rotxo has been sitting there holding the flowers he had picked for you in hand.

“where the heck are they? I’ve been here for 20 mins now… Oh no!? Did (Y/N) not want to come and meet me?”

POOR BABY

Your parents were fed up with Ao’nungs ranting about random shit tryna come up with a good reason as to why you need to go out this late so they were like boy if you don’t stfu and tell us that trouble your tryna get up into

At this point Ao’nung was fed up too because he was like DAMN CAN WE JUST LEAVE? THERES SOMETHING IMPORTANT ABOUT TO HAPPEN

But they were all interrupted by Rotxo coming in with a sad pout “BEFORE ANY WORDS ARE SPOKEN I MUST TALK!”

“(Y/N) I can’t hide my feelings forver from you, you mean the world to me and I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. I’m sorry that I love you but please if you would like we can forget about all this and continue being friends.” He was talking his heart out.

Your whole family just stood there shocked.

You were blushing like crazy and go up to hug Rotxo, you also had a crush on him

Yea the whole “my brothers best friend” troupe

“Rotxo what are you talking about I didn’t say anything yet, I like you too!”

He was like “what really?!”

Ao’nung was mad cuz they literally had to come up with a whole ass plan only for y’all to just be like “yo I like you” “I like you to”

ANWAYS he was just happy y’all were together now

But he was still disgusted

Also your parents approved of it because they knew how much of a good boy Rotxo is

The end

[tu-es-gegg]

(For the ask fic title game) my head is an animal

Being a father to Dapper is not a day job. Even when the tasks are checked off the list and the little muffinhead is tucked into his little egg bed, he's not clocked out yet. As the youngesters are all snug in their reinforced bases, Bad is busy jotting down his own to-do list for the next day and the day after and the day after that. He's a bit addicted to consistency, that much he will admit. He's not so inatuated with schedules and planners that he be so stringent with every second he spends. It's more a guiding map, a layout what he aims to do.

Bad isn't going to say he's paranoid, in honest thoughts that term is an understatement. Any waking moment as long as day and night are as normal as they are, his thoughts claw at every bar of the cage that rattles up there. The only way they settle down is being stimulated with scracthes of the graphite against the paper, with every swirl and loop keeping him grounded.

Fix up the machines

Collect ingredients

Check on the N.I.N.H.O. room

Tap, tap, tap... What else is there to do?

While Bad taps his pencil from the notebook to his palm, his eyes settle on the sole tear at the gutter of the book. An empty page he tore out and gave to Forever. Richas told him to tear it out and give to Forever, to which he agreed to. He remember what it says, he's aware of what it says. But he doesn't care that much about it, even if he's staring long at the tear with his pencil pawing at the frayed edge. He doesn't care, of course he doesn't.

Tap, tap, tap... Bad wonders how Forver took it.

He probably saw it as a platonic kind of confession, he's not that bother that he might've taken it the wrong way. Love means all sorts of things, that's how he learned it. To love someone like a friend, that's all he said. Just saying "eu te amo" to a friend is just that. He loves his friends. Though he rarely ever says it aloud, he shows that he loves them with gifts and hugs, jokes and pranks, all that sort. Forever is no different to any other friend that he has. Even if there's just that something that sents him chasing his own tail.

Tap, tap, tap... The pencil is left forgotten on the book as the hand reaches up to the wig.

Bad remembers the look the blonde gave at his faux goldilocks. It wasdn't even real organic hair, just some synthetic strands of unnaturally gilded curls. Not only that, Mike dusted on baby pink blush on his cheeks that he felt like a clown. But Forever looked at him like he was everything that existed. A solid minute of a stare before normalcy flooded him and it all escalated to jokes. He doesn't think abotu that moment at every second when he twirls the little strands out of bordeom. Even if every time he thinks about it he feels a contented sound stuck in his throat.

Bad doesn't think about it. He doesn't because he's normal about it, even when he's completely lost track of his to-dos.

[or badboyhalo thinks about forever like an average amount]

ask game for fic titles

[karda]

the tattoo looks absolutely lovely its feels like a nice memory!! its the softest and kindest way to remember a friend like that nd it looks so nice!! im so sorry u had to go through that but im also so glad you get to love him!! i havent sent u anything in FORVER nd it feels like a huge empty wooden brick in my head sometimes i miss writing letters like ur a pen pal :> but i was peeling oranges earlier n went “oh yeah mew’s the reason i love these” so.yknow! i miss u which is nuts cause that Feeling Feeling happens for me so rarely but more than that i Super hope you get another satsuma burst in ur heart n chest but i hope it happens when ur ready! im RAMBLING cause im a baby and you feel like such a foundational person for me so thank u for the oranges and i hope u can get like even a Little bit of a hug out of this take it easy n soft ^^ (lots of love from a silly bug)

thank u so much bug aughgh >_< ive been tossing this ask around in my head sorry it took me a while to answer it is just very sweet. i miss u to! its been a long time since ive actually been on here and sent asks/talked to people. i havent done much but post once a month lmao... .. i think about u a lot to! Everytime i hear i make sparks (from that playlist u made me) it makes me think of ur art and ur joy and it makes me very happy .... oh oh also! i am getting it tattooed! heres what its gonna look like :) first one is more updated i fixed his spots. but thr shading is gonna be like the second one .im getting it on his birthday (October 5th)

[audie430]

can i request fruits basket characters (you can choose) comforting a stressed/overworked reader?

ofc! tysm for requesting :D

I hope that this can make you smile, if you need anything just lmk, dont forget to drink some water! xoxo audie

Fruits Basket characters comforting overwhelmed/stressed reader

characters included: tohru, kyo, yuki, shigure, momiji,

might do hatsuharu separately

Tohru Honda

SWEETEST ANGEL EVER

i aspire to be her🌸🍡✨️

anyways to the oneshot

this girlie trusts you w her life so if you say that 'you're fine' ngl she WILL believe you

It might take this cinnamon roll a few days but once she realizes that you have bags under your eyes, you're on high alert, and you're fidgeting.. mom mode is on

once she has a gentle grasp on your hand, it's over for you: she has won

she'll take you to her house so you can relax in a new setting

just pretend the boys aint there😁👍🏻

she will ofc cook you some comfort food of your choice, which most likely contains some rice

maybe she'll tell you the story of the onigiri and the plum in its back (i think thats the story lmao dkdnd)

after eating, she'll most likely lay your head on her lap and play with your hair (long or short) and just caress your jaw and maybe down your arms

just her touch makes you tingly, she's the master of relaxation

SHE WILL RUN YOU A BATH I SWEAR

some words that she would say:

"I wish you would've told me sooner, I would have been more prepared"

"no matter what, I'm on your side!"

"so you can relax now, breathe w me! slowlyyyy, yay! you can rest now, it's just us"

"there there, you can ask us for help. We're here for you"

Kyo Sohma

tsundere cat fr

he's shy but will help in his own way

he def does the little things that you don't think about:

like putting away dishes

and he's the one leaving a can of your fav soda outside your door anonymously

he remembers the little things and his love language is def acts of service, prove me wrong👩🏻‍⚖️

if its exam season, he will give you an extra set of notes or help you cheat somehow from across the room

if its another matter, he'll get the guts to give you a hug

lets just say he wont turn into a cat😃

i feel like every character would run you a bath before hand idk why🤷🏻‍♀️

he will take your turn cooking dinner and buy your fav fast food

if you're closer to him, you can hide in his room, he'll get you some more blankets so you can hibernate

he def gives those lil shoulder pats

and headpats too ofc

imagine that small lil smile when you start to feel better😭😭

some words he would say are:

"hurry up and feel better already, this aint like you"

"IF SOME BASTARD DID SMTH, I'LL MAKE EM PAY"

"you can let it out, its just me here yk?"

Yuki Sohma

idc I will forver pick this rat over kyo🧍🏻‍♀️

also my friend didnt like him until they learned his fam was rich💀

im getting distracted so anyways

HES SO KIND

if you overwork yourself and get sick like tohru did in the pilot, he'll spare his clothes

and yes.. run you a bath

i feel like he's the type to grasp onto your shoulder, firm yet gentle and he will tell you to take a break

he'll take up your chores as well, he wants you resting as much as possible

yes, its canon that he will help you study

he always gives you support no matter why youre stressed

always always ALWAYS gives you advice, he's big brother material

gives gentle hugs, the kind that linger for a while even after he lets go

the kind that make you want MORE😭

but he'll only give you a hug if you ask, he's smart but too dumb to realize if you want physical support

and when youre in your ✨️stress era✨️ he will have that soft, kind voice that you would use for a fussy child or baby

yes he will treat you like a child

some of his words he would say are:

"hey, hey, hey whats going on? why are you upset?"

"are you crying? was it kyo?"

"hush now, I'll finish up your chores. Why dont you take a bath in the meantime?"

Shigure Sohma

bark bark

will tease you if you dont ask for help

he won't be much of a help ngl

will put on a drunk uncle act and try to be affectionate w you

and yes it will be the most uncomfy experience of your life

get those nasty sticky fingers out from under my skirt pls

his love language is gifts for sure, he likes buying stuff🙄

hopefully its just some pretty tulips and not lingerie

I LOVE PINK TULIPS

poor tohru😔😔 that dress looked so pretty, i wonder if she ever saw it-

anyways he's not the most helpful 4/10

"heyyy, whats with the waterworks? did some boy break your heart?"

"don't worry about those other kids, they don't realize how special you are"

"soo.. i bought you a little gift"

Momiji Sohma

MY ABSOLUTE FAV

I WANT TO MARRY BUNNY BOY

ahem**

sweetest 2nd to tohru, will buy you gifts, help with your chores/work, take you out to the park, and will let you cry into his shoulder

he's like a quadrouple threat ig?

i think he would take you out on a walk, most likely

shows you the prettiest places fr

and then comforts you if front of the sunset

will use a soft voice like yuki to make you spill your worries

I FEEL LIKE HE IS SO SMART WHEN IT COMES TO EMOTIONS

he's the top of his psychology class probs

but that means using lil brain tricks to make you cry which is mean >:(

but highly affective👍🏻

He will kiss your tears away and tell you stories to distract you

holds your hand the whole time >>

some words:

"wah?! hey, whats wrong?? oh I know smth that'll cheer you up hehe!"

"shhh, it's all alright now. I'm here.. I'm heree. shhhh"

"rest on my shoulder, I'll wake you up when we gotta go"

[new-royston-cursebreakers]

Find the Word

Thank you @isherwoodj for the tag! I've always wanted to do one of these!

Tagging @captain-kraken @eli-writes-sometimes @sunnyanddumb98 and @dogmomwrites for the words page, double, coast, steal, and flight.

My words are ground, nerve, process, smart, and personal. From The Curse of New Royston:

ground

Nodding, Cricket balances one foot on one screw, then kicks off with the other, holding onto Eneas’ shoulders. Through his hands, he can feel a surprising amount of strength as Eneas grips the handlebars.

“Ready, Cricket?”

“Ready.”

Eneas’ foot slams on the first pedal. Though it’s a slow start, soon, Cricket’s feeling the wind whip past him, ruffling his coats and hair. Eneas’ legs pump the pedals like a machine, and as they make the turn to get out of Forver, the bike leans a little too close to the ground for comfort.

nerve

“Like I said,” Gio says, feeling the awkwardness of the situation weighing down, “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“I won’t,” Unity says.

Sighing, Gio makes his way down to the beach. But his relaxing swim would be interrupted by Unity’s gaze. Strangely, it’s more nerve-wracking than Theodore’s. Instead of heading down toward the water, he sits down in the sand. Unity slowly joins him, and the two of them gaze out on the water as each wave’s crest glimmers under the moonlight.

process

“Yeah!” Auster calls back. He sounds not only relieved, but exuberant, bursting with joy. “Come on, Cricket, get over here! You’re gonna freeze if you stay out there!” He lifts up another edge of Caelan’s handkerchief, inviting him in.

Cricket darts up, clearing the space between them in only a couple bounds. Auster catches him and wraps him up in the soft fabric, pulling him into a hug in the process.

smart

Cricket thinks carefully on what to say. “I do kinda miss middle school,” he says, “but I’m glad for everything new in high school, too. I’ve met so many cool people!”

Monty glances at Cricket, a flash of fear in his eyes—fear, Cricket can sense, of being replaced. Cricket gives him a soft smile.

“And I seriously can’t wait to introduce you to all of them,” he says. “You know my friend Auster, right? He’s got some friends there, and now they’re my friends, too.  There’s Lisha—I dunno how she got so smart, she made radios at our size that work! We can talk to each other from anywhere in town! And she’s really nice, too—oh, wait, I think she’s actually a senior, she won’t be there when you join us…oh, and there’s Eneas. He’s, uh—”

“Oh, that kid,” Monty’s dad grumbles. “Cricket, you got a good head on your shoulders. Don’t let him influence you too much.”

personal

“Well, you heard about the school already,” Gio continues from where Fletcher left off. “I don’t really know what else there is to say about it.”

Ruth laughs. “That’s right, you did tell us a lot about the school itself. But how do you guys fit into it? And I don’t just mean your sizes. Is everything going alright with school? Or even outside of it?”

It’s the kind of question that puts Cricket on guard. Of course, he can’t share a lot of his personal life with these guys, and he doesn’t want to lie. Next to him, Gio bites his lip.

[shneda]

Thought glimpses: for my childhood

Mama, I know I'm not in high school anymore. But I miss our meals on the round table, with our backs aching because we only have these uncomfortable wooden chairs to sit on, with little thin pillows tied onto them. Thinking about that tiny room with only two beds touching at an L-shape, a small round table with its chairs in the middle, and a little armchair on the side breaks my heart. It breaks my heart I can't be there with you anymore because I'm on the other side of Europe.

I also often think of the other little flat we lived in together, many years ago now. With afternoon sunshine pouring in and softly bathing the old painted furniture in gentle light. I miss saying goodnight to you and knowing you'll be sound asleep within minutes on the other side of the room, in your bed behind the bookshelf separating us.

I think about how much you love your little pile of library-borrowed books resting on the cupboard. How it keeps growing and changing constantly because you read all the time, again and again. I'm sure that chunk of red mineral stone is still on top it too, to keep the pages from folding out - the one a dear friend of mine gifted to you after she dug it out in the mountains with her father and then polished it herself.

/////

I often ask myself why my mum seemed to never know what to say when asked about her favourite colour or song, or movie. Or why when I've repeated these questions to her at different points in my life she would sometimes just smile gently saying she didn't know, while others she would reply with something that caught me by surprise, unexpected. Like she was a person I've never really truly known.

And now I know that for most of her life my mum (and most mums her age) hasn't had time for herself because of husband or kids, or work, or all of it together. That my mama only finds peace when she can take a breath, sinking in her own mind, while smoking, in solitude.

I can't recall when my childhood slipped away. Now I know what every grown up knows and what every book for kids talks about, and what everyone carries with them throughout life, as a curse. The fact that there has been a day and a moment where we played for the last time with our childhood friends and hugged for the last time our parents before going to school.

So now I beg myself to allow for forgiveness and beauty in my life. For I know when I pick flowers, the edges of the buttercup petals will forver mark the edges of my innocence, like a scar.

Francine Van Hove - 'Simple Moments' c.2009

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Mary stood up as soon as she saw them.

"So? What did she say?"

Dorcas gave Mary a comforting smile.

"I tried, Mary..." they said softly "But she got really pissed when I mentioned you... She even covered her ears with the pillow and kicked me out of the room"

Mary crossed her arms trying not to look too disappointed.

"Classic Marly"

"She cannot be angry forverer!" Lily buffed next to Mary, putting her hands on her hips "I'm gonna talk to her..."

Lily started walking but Mary stopped her.

"Please don't, Lily" she said "Let her stay angry... It's fine"

Mary and Marlene had always bickered for a lot of things. They were very different and they had strong tempers and personalities. Usually Lily was the peaceful center to make them stop. But she didn't need to do anything much, because Mary and Marlene forgot about the discussion in no time. They were back being the bestest of friends quickly.

But this time it was different. Mary really thought Marlene hated her now. She had never seen her this angry.

Mary made the stupid mistake of developing a crush on Marlene's brother. It wasn't that she asked for it. She had met Adam before and he was just Adam, Marlene's older brother. But spending the summer with him and his friends made Mary see him in a different light.

It was just a silly crush. All of Mary's crushes lasted little.

When Mary fancied someone it was as if she became obsessed with them until she did something about it. She had her fun and everything was great until things started getting serious and Mary suddenly didn't want them anymore. It was as if Mary couldn't cross the "falling in love" line.

But Adam was unreachable. Mary knew Marlene wouldn't like the idea because of the complicated relationship they had. So Mary wanted him in secret. She fantasized about him. She looked at his pictures for too long. She spent a lot of time putting up together a Facebook message for him and then waiting impatiently for a response. And once he replied, Mary jumped with joy.

Nothing happened between them. Until Mary had the courage of stealing a kiss from him. That's when Marlene saw them.

She didn't know that Adam rejected her shortly after. She didn't know that Mary's crush was more than over. She assumed Mary had been keeping a secret relationship with her brother. Because of course, that's what she thought of her, right?

Mary knew what people at school thought of her. The reputation she had. But she didn't think her best friend in the world would think that as well.

Mary missed her like hell. But Marlene had called Mary a whore, just like everyone else.

Mary sighed and started walking towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked concerned.

"I need to get changed" she said "It is my dorm too..." she added when she saw Lily and Dorcas' expressions "I have the right to enter. Whether she likes it or not"

Lily took a big sigh "I wish this bloody fight would be over"

"Good luck" Dorcas smiled "I think she wants to talk to you"

Mary climbed up the stairs with determination. Mary had been very cautious around Marlene lately. As if she was scared of her, scared of saying or doing something more to disappoint her. Mary had tried to stay out of their dorm. She had spent time with Peter, or the boys if they were available. But she was tired of acting that way. She hadn't done anything wrong. And enough was enough. Marlene didn't have the right to be angry anymore.

Mary crossed the door. Marlene was lying on her belly on her bed, writing something down, maybe homework. When she looked up to see Mary, she openly rolled her eyes.

"Hello Marlene"

God, how much Mary missed her. Mary missed climbing into her bed to gossip about her day with her. And the way they laughed about silly stuff until their tummies hurt. Hugging her bony arms and smelling that strong perfume Marlene loved to wear. She missed Marlene's childish smile. And the way Marlene cursed under her breath all the time.

Marlene didn't respond. She was still focused on writing something down. What was she writing?

"I am going to get changed in here because this is my dorm as well... Where my things are...."

Marlene was still not responding.

"What should I wear?" Mary sighed as she opened her wardrobe. She was eye glancing at Marlene still "The weather is getting cold, isn't it?... But I really wanted to use my purple dress at some point..."

"Would you shut up and get it over with?" Marlene groaned.

Mary smiled. At least she was speaking with her after days and days of pure silence. Mary loved how Marlene got irritated.

"I am minding my own business here, Marlene" Mary tutted "Perfection needs time"

Marlene seemed pretty irritated.

"Why would you want to wear the purple dress anyway? We only have a few hours before bedtime, why change at all and not stay with the uniform? Unless you are having a date with the wanker of my brother..."

"I told you a million of times that there is nothing going on between us!" Mary spat.

"Yeah right..." Marlene whispered not sounded very convinced about it.

"Marlene... I..."

"I am not speaking to you!"

"News for you, darling! You already did!"

Marlene stood up as quickly as she could and Mary thought for a second she was going to hit her or something. But she didn't.

"I really thought I could trust you" Marlene said. This time, she sounded sad and disappointed. Not angry at all. "Anyone could disappoint me, except you"

Mary was taken aback for a second. But then she was just angry.

"Come on, Marlene. I just kissed your brother once! What is the crime in that? Ha? Bloody hell!"

"It's treason!"

"And what if I did something more? What if Adam and I were truly in love with each other?"

"Eeew!"

"What would be so wrong with that?"

"You're such a freaking bitch, Mary!" Marlene snapped "You know very well what I think about my brother! What he makes me feel! Perfect little Adam.... He has everything, right? He had to have my best friend as well!"

Mary understood then what was the issue. Marlene felt inferior to Adam in every way possible. Her parents only paid attention to their precious rugby star. Marlene was not taken seriously. She had told that to Mary many times.

"Oh Marly..." Mary sighed, approaching. Marlene was looking sadly at the floor.

"You prefer Adam as well" she whispered "You prefer to fuck him"

"No, I swear..." Mary tried to touch Marlene's shoulder but she pushed her away.

"Get off me!" Marlene practically yelled "We both know you don't think twice about shagging someone. It doesn't matter who they are, if they have a girlfriend or not, or if they are your best friend's brother or not"

Mary tried not to be hurt. Yes, she knew Marlene sometimes questioned her decisions and stupid crushes. But at the end of the day, Marlene supported her.

Maybe sometimes Lily didn't understand because she was innocent and very morally correct. But not Marlene. Marlene didn't judge her. Or so Mary thought.

"You are just a whore"

Mary didn't want to. But she ended up slapping Marlene across the face.

She wanted to cry so badly.

Marlene was surprised, kind of shocked, kind of hurt. Mary didn't know if it was because of what she had just said or the slapping.

"I'm sorry, Marly" Mary whispered.

"Fuck you"

"I really didn't..."

"Shame McGonagall won't allow the change of dorms at this point of the year..." Marlene added "But don't worry. I will sleep with Dorcas... I think I prefer the brainless bitches than you"

Marlene walked passed Mary, kind of pushing her through. And she walked out of the room slamming the door after her.

That's when Mary started crying. Not only hurt what Marlene had said about her. But the fact that she had lost her best friend forever. Mary felt dirty and stupid. Maybe everyone was right. She was a freaking whore.

Mary tended to fancy the boys she shouldn't fancy: Nick, James, Frank and now Adam... And for what? Her crushes never lasted. It wasn't even worth it. She had lost Marlene for nothing. For bloody nothing.

Mary dropped to the floor and began sobbing as he hugged herself.

No boy was worthy. Only her friends. Only Marlene.

"What happened?" Lily crossed the door "I just bumped into Marlene and..." she stopped when she spotted Mary crying on the floor.

"Oh Mary..." Lily kneeled next to her and wrapped her arms around Mary.

Lily was really good. Sometimes Mary wished she could be more like her. Innocent, virginal, a hopeless romantic, waiting for the perfect moment for her perfect boyfriend to make sweet love to her because they were cheesyly in love with each other. Like in fairytales and princesses stories. But Mary was not like that.

"She hates me, Lily" Mary sobbed on Lily's shoulder "She bloody hates me"

"It's okay... She doesn't... It's okay..." That was all Lily could say because not even Miss Pacific could fix their relationship right now.

[madafact]

variable winds

there comes a point that blustery winds take on the feeling of a forver hug. a forever nudge. a sign from the times that motion and movement surely can produce new sights.

i used to talk to myself, but these days i talk to anthony. hes right next to me all the time, hes in the other room, a state over, a jobsite in some foreign hot sticky place. he never left. kind of like how people say jesus is with them. he never was, but he always will be.

my poor dad is still so stunned, dazed, confused, lost, sad, crying, he like a skeleton with no collarbone to support his frame, and his shoulders just race to the floor, competing against the tears leaving his eyes.

just pure disolution. life takes action in lieu of a human making choices. and i cant see my life ever going back to those choices.

the same people, the same dedication to creating a neat place for the next weary traveler. or the next bandit on the run. you choose.

ill be here fighting against the shivers on a full sun summers days. keeping the flame lit for those who cannot.

love you anthony, im trying to make right by you.

<3

[catboyfurina]

Ok actually the conservatives may have a point about (me specifically at least) wanting people to live in fear of covid forever I just realized I kind of like other people assuming I'm full of disease and staying away???

[relxion-kunp]

Get used to it or just ignore it.