#actually I still havent recovered | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

smokestarrules · 6 months

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happy 1st anniversary to one of the most stressful days of my entire life btw. wake up. watch Ruby Rose in RWBY get literally tortured in what has to be one of the most chilling scenes in all animated shows ever and eventually choose to die. attempt to recover for a few hours. 9pm hits. watch Luz Noceda in ToH Also Literally Die via crumbling away into dust. like????

#I mean One of these episodes had a happy ending so that was great but go d. this was so gut wrenching to go through TWICE #IN ONE DAY!!!!!#this was so unbelievably unfair to everyone ever #especially me #actually I still havent recovered #rwby #toh #the owl house #ruby rose #luz noceda #smokey speaks #500

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nerdie-faerie · 6 months

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I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.

Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.

Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents

#TVD #The Mikaelsons #Kol Mikaelson #Klaus Mikaelson #briefly back on my the originals shouldve gotten to be a family goddammit and as someone from a big family im personally offended bs #i did right a lil snippet about them bonding over this that i havent posted yet for the joml verse but still think its an unexplored concep #need more witch!kol acknowledgement honestly. just need more content of my boy #anyway. klaus having a fascination with the moon and kol telling him about celestial events and how it affects his magic when theyre boys #klaus losing that connection to the moon feeling lost & extra tempermental feeling his wolf claw at its binds and vowing to break his curse #kol determined to get his magic back at any cost relating to that devasting loss and promising to help him find a loophole for his curse #kol who becomes extra reckless and determined when he learns that theres a way to break klaus' curse so maybe he can get his magic back too #that knowledge and recklessness combined with his loss of magic driving him to become the volatile vampire that we see #that leads to him being daggered repeatedly but that first time breaks something in that bond between him & klaus that never fully recovers #it makes him bitter and resentful only fueling his reckless behaviour particularly when there seems to be no leads on reclaiming his magic #that he becomes distant from his siblings in the process especially with finn still daggered but that distance only cements the idea #to his siblings that hes a danger and cant be trusted that he needs to be daggered if theyre to stay safe from mikael #the loss of his magic leading to his spiral as a vampire and him being ostracised by his family > actual tvdu kol canon #klaus being trapped in a room staring at the corpse of his little brother knowing he never repaired that relationship with him #and now he never can so he refuses to look away as penance and a reminder of his failings to his little brother #*edit: one of the reblogs on this post is the author of big bad wolf and honestly she does an amazing job at portraying the mikaelsons #as actual siblings if you havent read it its one of my favourites for characterisations but we need more 😭 i want it to be the norm

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

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bang-bang-gang · 23 days

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zay pines after danny so much it hurts. and danny’s always hooking up with girls in front of him, so shouldn’t he do the same? how come zay can never seal the deal and take anyone home with him, do these girls know something he doesn’t? and sure danny may or may not be bi, zay has suspicions but he doesn’t know how to ask what’s a joke and what’s for real. but one thing’s for sure and that’s that danny will never see him in that way, they’re not like that, they’ll never be like that, and marq needs to stop bullying him about his crush because it isn’t a crush because zay is straight but danny’s always so— and they always— but they’ll never—

yeah.

#veraposting #sarah sent me the kissy gif and i saw it first thing this morning and i still havent recovered actually

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skeletalheartattack · 1 year

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thamks

you after i free you from the tetrisphere

#ask #anon #im not sure what the thanks is for without assuming it to be like ''thanks. for those tags.''#anyway youre welcome? youre free from the tetrisphere now. find and enjoy life. out from the egg made of tetronimoes youve hatched from.#or whatever.#im still recovering from that nap #its fucked. i nap on my bed sometimes if i havent had enough sleep earlier in the day. and instead of using the bed normally #my ass just sleeps at the end. watching my moavies (youtube streams)#like a dog #ended up having to wake myself up cause i had my legs rested over a nearby table cause the width of the bed is not very wide #and my body feels so good when i wake up. scrunched up and shit. i feel So normal #anyway tetrisphere is a game i got long ago that. i dont know from where.#i either got it from a yard sale. or ebay. but im leaning towards yard sale. since it was around the same time i got hey you pikachu #also did you know the mic quality for hey you pikachus microphone is actually pretty decent #anyway i dont remember a lot about tetrisphere beyond you picking a robot to play as. and you drop tetrominoes onto a fucking ball #i completely forgot you freed a thing from within #as for why this was the first thing i used to reply to the ask. anytime i get an ask im not sure how to respond to. i look through my phone #and. this tetrisphere image made me laugh seeing it back when i first downloaded it #i think i had more i wanted to say but im at a loss for words now that im looking at this image again #its so beautiful and hes so free #that is how baby birds leave the egg. but opposite. they do it from the inside. instead of needing tetrominoes to open the egg.#can you tell im still not fully recovered from my fuckim nap #anyway thanks for the ask anon. i think!

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boookfreeak · 7 months

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my day gets little better everytime I see you in my dash btw 🫂🫂

that is the loveliest thing ive ever heard 😭🫂

I am just as happy to see your name pop up <3

#actually maybe the sevond loveliest thing because #a friend once told me in 7th grade that i was the prettiest flower in the meadow #still havent recovered from that

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kotoal1011 · 7 months

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AAAAAJSHSOAADAKSJDJ ADO'S VOICE WAS NO JOKE HOLY SHITLDJDLDBSSVDLDKKSGDMFB

(warning: me turning into a 14 y/o fangirl in the tags srry)

#GUYSSSSSSSHSHDKDHDJD IT WAS LIKE THE BEST TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE #YEAH IM TALKING ABT THE CONCERT #I JUST KSHDDKFHFKFK #HER VOICE IS SO????? POWERFUL??????#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO HER SONGS NOW #seriously her voice live is SO much better #I was literally shaking and when I say literally I actually mean it #and god WHEN SHE STARTED SPEAKING ENGLISHSKDHDKDJ #'sorry... I forget... english' and the crowd went wild #SHE WAS SO EMBARRASSED BUT IT WAS SO CUTE #AND THEN THE ENCORE N SHIT #I can die in peace. I can die in peace after this #luckily I managed to get a few short vids and some posters bc skhddkjdfj <3 #goddddd I still havent recovered from how good it was

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thetimelordbatgirl · 7 months

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Okay, royals have one pro in the UK right now: its got all of us playing Cluedo right now with Kate's location and what her hospital visit was really about, with William being prime suspect.

#seriously though i am concerned about her #i may not like her but i am concerned #an abdominal surgery does not take nine months to recover from (her recently reported recovery time)#and the fact that she hasnt been seen since going into hospital in december #and on top of that the british media are throwing harry and meghan under the bus more then normal lately as if covering for something #like you'd think they and royal family would jump on having pictures of her family especially the kids around her sick bed #but no nothing #hell the kids and even her parents havent been seen around much like they used to be #and william isnt helped in suspect shit with his reported on bad temper by both harry and news people even #and the fact that he is capable of assault as he assaulted harry once #and doesnt seem to like women acting a certain way as he lost his temper with meghan once #and then you got the cheating rumors and baby number 4 rumors and just to add to shit #a husband of a cousin of the late queen has only now been announced to have died mysteriously in his 40s #and despite no one connecting it to williams lack of apperence at his memorial people emphasied william had no connection to the death #....actually is this cluedo still or a soap drama #i can just hear the writers for the crown getting excited

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our-inspire-verse · 8 months

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Me: oh rest! My body is so tired it cannot wait to unclench

My body the second it feels anything less than a PTSD inducing stress response that will remain with me the rest of life: seize up? Clench? Shake? Panic? Make the brain completely foggy and confused except for heartwrenching agony and sadness? Make flashbacks? CPTSD symptoms? Literal seizures triggered by distress?

#pleaese. im begging.#vent #negative #do not rb #seizures #ptsd #trauma #CPTSD #actually plural #like i know i dont mention systems in the post but i am one and also i think this is system related #I've been like. whimpering and unable to cry or fully panic for like an hour. just #rolling around whining jn pain like oh here it comes. here WHAT comes bestie??? its fine. im fine #what feels bad. im so miserable. im fine. whats WRONG. im dissociated so bad. so so bad.#i cannot recover bc i am incapable of feeling good. < trauma thoughts #im wrong and i know it but it doesn't make moments like this pass any faster or make them stop #i have to let myself feel like shit rn bc my body is making it happen and i have used any thing i physically can rn #feeding time in like 2 hours im literally sick im so excited. this WILL cure me #i havent recieved grounding and nurturing fulfillment of this nature(punIntended) in months. i miss my papa #i miss Crystal and Rufus and CHUCK should be out now!! chapa will be active in mere months and sally must be bacl in her spot too #i wanna see if the quail are still there. i miss feeling Keeper look at me. i miss the turtles even tho they're hibernating rn ill sense #i miss todd and gina and alicia. i havent seen alicia in. oh my god so long it hurts genuinely #im very mentlally ill about this place. Gary (ik ur real name but i call u this bc i love u) if you ever visit here please god make it to #feeding time i swear to god you will literally earn my trust 100% forever i will be like OHHHHHH So its fine then. literally instantly #im venting bc tumblr is a void but i know anyone can see this shit forever just. future me know that im fighting for YOU #everything gonna be okay. please tell me everything going to be okay. if i die before i can respond to this in the future i promise im tryin #and i love you so so much. it doesnt matter who read this im grabbing you DO YOU EVEN realize YOU ARE loved like have you really thought #about it today. you are LITERALLY LOVED more than you will ever evet ever know. did you know our core feelings snd thoughts and understandin #gs are about love bc love is literally the meaning of life

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asexual-levia-tan · 9 months

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me, seeing three posts about a recent rise in aphobia in the span of two days:

#wwaffles bein' an idiot #i still havent recovered from the last bout if im being honest #on one hand im glad im following the right people that i havent actually seen any of it

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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months

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...

#ho hum they finally filled my prescription so ive now got the new medication #havent decided when im gonna start taking it tho. like i should start tomorrow bc i dont feel that great #i mean ive physically recovered from my allergic reaction debacle. my mood is generally just low. not like dangerously so. more like i #talk to ppl and im like oh im being a bummer. which i hate. so like i should start taking it #but im only here for like one more week before i fly home so im like. well ill b fine over the break bc no school #which is like yeah ill prob b fine but like even when im hanging out with family and being chill im not really happy. im just like not so #stressed but theres still like a cap on my mood so like maybe if i take it i can b like a human person. but like im still somehow resistant #which is dumb but like taking an old timey non ssri anti depressant feels different than taking an actual up and down mood stablizer #which is stupid bc im just getting freaked out by the word anti psychotic. and like grappling with the stupid voice #in the back of my head from growing up around the super health freaks in my family who r like: dont take medicine. dont trust doctors who #want to unnecessarily medicate u. but like im also worried itll work and ill just have to b on medication for the rest of my life #which is like fine but it feels weird to theoretically spend 30 dollars a month to be not miserable. bc idk the copay on this medication was #way higher than anything else ive had to get. but idk its dumb and i should just take it #but also a tiny bit a afraid of side effects after last time. i dont wanna deal with that :-[#unrelated

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jarvis-cockhead · 11 months

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i dont rlly have a big following here at all but i do appreciate anyone who interacts with my stuff immensely and suddenly felt the need to say it. ive been going through some stuffTM and its been a whole ass time and im still reeling tbh. it has been a hell of a time but tumblr still feels like such a cozy comfy place .. i forever long to connect more with people here but never know how. anyway idk where this post is going but haii hi im still here forever just a little funny in the head rn :3

#i havent rlly spoken publicly abt whats been going on but this place is so disconnected from p much everywhere else i exist so #i realised my ex was emotionally abusive and actually SAed me once. we havent been together since the start of this year but were #still trying to be friends. but surprise surprise it never worked and i am entirely scared of them #so a few weeks ago i actually cut them off for good. and its been such a time just processing all of That #never thought this would happen to me.. knew in my heart during that it was bad but never realised it was That Bad #weird mix of everything feeling raw and fresh while also so far away because most of the rlly bad stuff happened before about feb this year #but yeah i have good support systems im doing okay but ig this is smth ill have to deal with and recover from for the foreseeable future #sucks immensely but it is what it is. everyones been very kind to me and i feel cared for #but it has made me withdraw a lot from my online circles ive realised which is sad bc i miss being sillay #but yeah erm. that happened 😺#realising about a year and a half of my life has been devoted to someone who has treated me so badly is nor fun #but anyways. i am really happy theyre gone from my life entirely #and i will heal. and i will be okay

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13eyond13 · 2 years

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#another hot tip for recovering people pleasers / codependents is #actually talk to people about what they feel and like and want and do the same in return about your own feels #because mind reading can actually be both creepy and annoying to people who have developed those communication skills #and sometimes it can seem like youre not even actually in a relationship with them but just treating them like an npc #with a mysterious riddle you have to solve when you can probably actually just be like 'hey do you like this?'#or maybe they've already been trying to tell you what they want but you're still acting like you have to read between the lines #one of the issues codependents have is not being able to identify their own feelings desires or opinions because #they spend all their time trying to figure out and understand other people's intuitively #and are probably mostly spending time around other codependents who do the same for them #probably because they spent time in a toxic environment where that was a survival coping mechanism for them #or the only way everyone got their needs met #so at first it can be rough and embarrassing to be like #omg i don't even know who i am when im not trying to please somebody else #but start with really basic things like #do i actually want to eat this for dinner?#and try to be true to what you feel #and the more that you practise that the easier it gets to quickly identify your own needs and feels #and eventually be able to identify and express very nuanced ones as well #it is like exercising a muscle you havent worked out in years it takes reptition and time #p

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transbotsenbycons · 2 years

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Beast Wars giving me emotional whiplash tonight like, here's a new character he's a fucked up immortal rage fueled CRAB TANK :D oh also! We're going to kill your FAVORITE CHARACTER D: but dont worry! Have this adorable fucked up mutated protoform that the Crab Tank immediately develops a soft spot for :D

#i havent finished the episode if transmutate dies im gonna scream #also i fucking sobbed when dinobot died im still recovering actually #transformers #beast wars

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rolling-wavves · 2 years

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My therapist I've been seeing for over 2 years diagnosed me with complex ptsd and I feel so weird about it because I'm like me ?? Trauma?? Don't know her !!!! Never happened!!

She's said she's thought this for a while and after I saw a psych who diagnosed me it just settled it for her like "ok finally". She's also already been telling me I've been through trauma even if I don't believe it.

Still!! Really having a hard time accepting this like...what. what. My life has been Totally Fine don't know what she's talking about!!!

Anyway I feel so weird and I'm rambling but idk what else to do with these feelings tbh

#im like shaking.#like i have other diagnoses ( mdd anxiety ocd and partially recovered ed??)#and i still don't even believe those #im like im fine im not bad enough #my symptoms aren't bad enough #i havent been abused or anyrhing im fine #and my therapist is like girl...you dont need to have been abused to have trauma #im feeling so many things #I feel fake and wrong and awful and validated?? but also lonely and strange like idk #please ignore me while i try to avoid my feelings at all costs but drowning myself in other obsessions #cptsd #complex ptsd #actually cptsd #??? i guess??#tw trauma #i guess #idk I feel so strange rn #my post #my psych met me and was like these symptoms dont come from nowhere so what happened to you #and i was like UMMM NOTHING???#also weird like i used to believe i had bpd/avpd (still a possibility imo)#but they are similar and i relate to cptsd but dont believe i have trauma so like !!!!!#idk man

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suavis · 2 months

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i need to be put down like an old dog fr 😔 now that my teen years are over suddenly i have every problem at once

#got like. 2.5-3 hrs of sleep tn and i wanna die #i havent gotten 8 hours in like. idk a week?#and the only time i actually am able to sleep well i have to get up early for work 💔#and almost every day im nauseous and cant eat so then im hungry to the point of further nausea #im still recovering from my surgery and its complications too #just restarted birth control for my debilitating cramps but not soon enough to stop my cramps this period #and every food is unappealing and makes me feel nauseous to think about eating it except fucking cereal and saltines rn #and ive been up since 6 fuckin am and i just want to go back to sleep :')#and all i can do to make myself feel better is complain but nobodys even around to complain to :( my whole family is out my gf is asleep #and during the day everyone's too busy or sick of my shit since this has been going on for over three weeks now #but ranting abt this on tumblr is actually making me feel better even if nobody sees it or cares #idk man feel like shit need to be given some sort of sleeping pill so i can finally fucking rest

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