#after 10 fuckin years I LOVE THIS MAN YOUR HONOR!!!!!!

[whitechocolate]

sooooo i met a real life angel yesterday

[saintvainglorious]

10 Best Black Sails Fics I Read in 2023

In honor of Black Sails' 10th anniversary, here's a list of my top 10 favorite Black Sails fics I read in 2023, in order from shortest to longest. Most Black Sails fic rec posts I've seen are now around 2 or 3 years old (though not all, bless @jaynovz and your #jay's esoteric rec lists tag) so nearly half of the recs in this list spotlight newer fics. It's amazing to see fantastic fics still being written and updated years after the show ended - y'all are keeping this fandom alive!

I didn't read that much Black Sails fic this year, comparatively speaking, so I'm sure there's plenty of newer gems that I missed. All the fics in this rec list are Silverflint unless otherwise stated.

1 - Gone To Port Royal by Apetslife (G, 3k) - a delightful oneshot from Gates' POV where they all go to a pirate afterlife. every scene is perfect. endlessly re-readable and never fails to make me smile.

Definition of Valhalla 1: the great hall in Norse mythology where heroes slain in battle are received 2 : a place of honor, glory, or happiness: heaven

2 - i’ll be seeing you by youatemytailor/@annevbonny (NR, 19k) - this is THEE post-canon Silverflint reunion fic. the anguish, the rage, the quiet jokes, the tenderness, it's all devastatingly in-character. particularly the chapter 5 climactic unspooling leaves me in awe upon every reread.

Silver is out of his chair and across the room before he knows it. He has a grip on the barkeep’s shirt before he knows it, and he’s pulling him up, hauling him eye-level, only to head-butt him to the ground again. The barkeep’s mouth is thrown open in a wail, but there’s no sound, Silver thinks, no sound at all, save for the blood rushing in his ears as he looks at the other man on the ground, watches him roll to his side with a groan. Flint, Silver thinks, and nothing else. It beats around the knife in his gut like a drum. Flint. And then Flint is looking at him.

3 - The Dark Lord Proprietor by Amiril/@runawaymarbles (M, 19k, Silverflintham) - a fuckin hysterical supervillain AU. Thomas has amnesia, Flint is pining, Silver tries to get them back together. what could go wrong? could not stop cackling.

A year ago, James Flint was in a stable relationship and was within spitting distance of taking over London. Now he’s single, with a dubiously loyal henchman, a lairmate determined to learn his every weakness, and a Secret Past with the new supervillain on the scene. And thanks to a new government program, it’s all a race to the bottom.

4 - the cross dimensional nassau bar of getting izzy hands laid by FortinbrasFTW/@fortinbrasftw (E, 19k ~WIP~, Flint/OFMD Izzy Hands) - a Black Sails OFMD Flint/Izzy Hands crossover. the very best kind of smut-as-character study. funny, gripping, and endlessly re-readable.

The first thing Izzy realizes is he looks absolutely fucking furious — which yeah, alright, fair enough. He’s got shorter ginger hair. A beard like Izzy’s but kept neater. Earrings like Izzy’s but worn simpler. Bleeding like Izzy but, well, maybe a bit less. And he’s handsome. Izzy realizes it suddenly and slowly somehow all at once. Bit like a bloody painting even. The kind you saw up on walls in rich folk’s houses. Only, well, no painting had eyes like that, did it? You’d have to be mad to keep a painting with eyes like that in your home. They were bright and clear and looked — honest-to-fucking-Christ — ready to set the whole damned world on fire. Izzy's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night takes an interesting turn thanks to a completely different sort of pirate captain.

5 - frail and fragile bars by Ajaxthegreat/@francisthegreat (E, 21k) - Silver realizes, post-shark date, that he's in love with Flint. an instant, iconic fave fic. SO many delicious scenes and quotes that live rent free in my head. just read it, you won't regret it.

“I think you fuck,” Silver says. By which he means, with great intent: I think you are human. I know you are human. I see you.

6 - the whole estate of mortal man by Amiril/@runawaymarbles (T, 43k) - Creature Silver AU where he'll grant wishes in exchange for souls. first read this fic in 2020 and cried. reread it this year and cried again. the nature of the AU intersects so cleverly with Black Sails' themes, and the end result is devastating.

Silver has a limited memory, an unlimited lifespan, and a need for human souls. He spends months trying to buy Flint’s.

7 - our feast is but beginning by x_etoile_x/@etoilesombre (E, 55k) - Flint teaches season 1 Silver how to cook. they're definitely not dating. no, really. this writer writes dialogue so in-character that it cuts like a knife. features sensual cooking, Flint being a queer mentor for Silver, fun genderfuckery, and Them Being Real Tender.

Flint should walk away. Silver can figure out how to feed the men, it isn’t his problem. But roasting a pig is so easy, and when was the last time he had a hand in creating something rather than destroying it? Anyway, what else is he doing, with Billy taking the crew in hand with such annoying competency? He absolutely does not think about why he is reluctant for this interaction with Silver to end. “Go get another pig,” he says before he can reconsider. “Do exactly as I say.”

8 - With Strange Aeons by Amiril/@runawaymarbles (M, 60k, Silverflint + Flinthamilton + Jackanne) - Came for the Silverflint, stayed for the Silverflint but also for holy fuck Jack and Anne are sent to Savannah and break out of there with Thomas to battle literal Cthulhu. How can you NOT read this. I don't typically read Flinthamilton, but by god Thomas is amazing in this.

After the disappearance and presumed death of Captain Flint and Long John Silver, Max smuggles Jack and Anne to Oglethorpe’s plantation. Thomas learns that not only do the three of them have a friend in common, but he is not the only one whose dreams are haunted by a strange city and a terrifying name. Meanwhile, Flint and Silver try to escape an island trapped in time, impossibly built and impossibly old. Along the way they’re forced question reality, each other, and themselves. And in his house in R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.

9 - The Salt and the Sea by x_etoile_x/@etoilesombre (E, 60k) - a between season 2 and 3 recovery fic. i still remembered months after reading that chapter 4 in particular left me undone. a harrowing journey into the ruins of post-leg loss Silver's mind, plus exquisite hurt/comfort.

John Silver was always able to make the best of a situation. If this particular situation had started to feel complicated, well, a vast fortune ought to prove clarifying. Whatever he might have imagined he’d seen in Flint, the reality was they had used each other. And he had been set to walk away on top. Except now he couldn’t. Now he was trapped.

10 - the straight walk home by vowelinthug/@vowel-in-thug (E, 73k, Silverflint + Jackanne + Maxanne + Billy/Vane) - A western AU and one of the best long fics in the fandom. Excellent comedy, amazing AU twists on our favorite characters, found family vibes, nail-biting action, and a fucking fantastic climax. Also, I can't believe this fic got me invested in Billy/Vane.

Let me tell you a story, about a vaquero named Vasquez...

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy. 

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.  

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and  you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’  competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a  dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your  parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

--------------------------------

Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

[saanphoenix]

“Why do so many old-school FFVII fans think that Cloud took Zack’s memories?”

Alright, so first things first. We gotta start from the beginning. We gotta start with Jenova.

Jenova is the name given to the alien entity known as the Calamity. “Heaven’s dark harbinger.” This being, assumed to be female because of the body she was in at the Crater, was basically godlike in her natural abilities. Historically, she was able to shapeshift. She was telepathic. She had a nigh indomitable will. And she used her abilities to infect the race of human(oid)s that happened upon her crash site--the Cetra.

Now, Ifalna, within the English translation of the OG, states that Jenova turned the Cetra into monsters, nearly wiping them all out, and that the wee few that remained basically had to be sacrificed to seal Jenova away before she could do anymore damage to all life on the planet. The notes Sephiroth finds within the Shinra Mansion seem to corroborate this version of events, as he tells Zack that the Cetra chose to fight the Calamity while the other humans “hid”, thus being spared Jenova’s shenanigans, allowing them to become the dominant race on the planet, but ultimately being cowards unworthy to be the shepherds of any star, to quote Emet-Selch from FFXIV. Stay with me now.

We also know that the notes Sephiroth reads within the Shinra Mansion do not, in any way, call Jenova the Calamity. They still refer to her as a Cetra. Meaning that those notes are outdated, before the discovery of a living Cetra, a Cetra who is 2000 years removed from her own people’s history. Right? So.

(’Ah, but what about Genesis point-blank telling Sephiroth the truth? He knew what was up!’ Yes, because Hollander and Hojo found out from Gast’s recordings, and Ifalna herself, what Jenova actually was, and then Hollander told Genesis, who then said some stupid ass shit to trigger Sephiroth into looking into the wrong information, and now Nibelheim is not Nibelheim anymore and Cloud is missing one more family member than he was when he joined Shinra. Also, fuck Genesis. Anyway.)

HOJO, yeah? Hojo, in two separate novels written by Nojima himself, states to Aerith and Tseng separately that Jenova 1) will inevitably infect all life on the planet with her “cells” because of the very nature of the Lifestream and 2) turned the Cetra against each other via subtle manipulation and illusions of their loved ones, dead or alive, conceived from their own memories. She didn’t show up looking like the Eldritch horror with the eyeball nipple, she showed up looking like a run-of-the-mill Cetra. And she would further disguise herself as people a Cetra knew in order to gain their trust. And then, after she had gained that trust, she would say shit like, “Hey. Your friend over there hates you,” or, “Hey. Your friend over there wants to kill you.” And thus the Cetra, at the very least morally but probably also physically, became monsters and tore themselves apart.

You ever wonder why everything the Cetra had was booby-trapped and hidden behind riddles and self-sacrificial bullshit like their Temple? My guess is because Jenova made it so they couldn’t trust anyone, even themselves.

“Why did I read all that? What does that have to do with Cloud voring Zack’s memories?”

Because we gotta understand the mechanics of this bitch first so that we know what to look out for.

Now, we have an alien in stasis--presumed dead but definitely not--and a buncha scientists who really want a coveted spot sucking President Shinra’s dick as head of the Science Dept. who all think that taking the genetic material of a Cetra and splicing it into a modern-day human’s DNA will give them a Geiger counter to the Promised Land. Which they want to use as fuel because only some of them really understand what mako is and the others are just fucking stupid. Anyway, my guess is that they archeology their way to Jenova’s still-kinda-alive corpse and do some DNA testing and go, “Ah! We’ve found a Cetra. It has to be one! She’s by the crater, after all, and that’s where some of them were nuked by a Meteor! :) We’re geniuses!” And Jenova, in the Lifestream, went, “GOTCHA, BITCH!”

And through the power of dino DNA, out pops a lot of nonviable lifeforms, some monsters, and, eventually, a relatively normal kid with a flare for the dramatic who will become wholly obsessed with apples and very boring literature that he will insist on repeating every five goddamn seconds. As he was no Geiger counter to the Promised Land, out pops another relatively normal kid who will grow up to have dreams, and honor, and steal food from his neighbors because he was so damn honorable that he just could not ask for a handout.

With Hollander and Gillian’s experiments not producing anything of note other than children that need love and support, Hojo and Lucrecia decide to take a slightly different sample of Jenova’s cells and just start sticking them everywhere. They’re in Lucrecia. They’re in Lucrecia’s fetus. And...something strange starts to happen.

Lucrecia starts to feel the effects of Jenova. Lucrecia’s mind and body start to kind of deteriorate. Not the way that Genesis’ and Angeal’s do later on, but she is plagued by shit like severe depression and fatigue. She falls out on the floor multiple times. Her bodyguard is a little late on pulling the trigger of the gun aimed at her husband and, instead of doing anything productive about her husband proving he’s an amoral murderous fuckhead, she just decides to play doll with her kinda undead bodyguard, get even sicker, and then, finally, pops out a very strange looking baby. In fact, he looks a little alien.

“No, seriously, what does this have to do with anything?”

Genetics. How Jenova cells work. Whatever clump of cells they injected into Lucrecia, clearly different from those used in Project G, seemed to focus more on the mental fuckery aspect of Jenova than the physical, shapeshifting aspect of Jenova. I would also argue that one of the reasons Lucrecia was so adversely affected by the cells and Gillian was not is their mental well-being. Gillian, even when we meet her, seems very upbeat and doing pretty okay despite her husband having died from exhaustion a coupla years back. Lucrecia was depressed and very subservient even before she married Hojo. Losing her mentor--Vincent’s father--probably exacerbated that. And, later in Advent Children, that sort of mentality--hopelessness and despair--is what Sephiroth’s Geostigma feeds off of. That and thoughts of death/dying. But that is more speculation than anything.

So, Sephiroth’s cells are different from Genesis’ and Angeal’s, and they were all three bred differently, but they’re all kinda chimeras of Jenova’s. And once Genesis learns about his origins, it’s like the lightbulb goes off. This guy’s creating clones by infecting his 2nd and 3rd Class SOLDIERs with his own cells. And when he does that, their physical appearance becomes his own. As does their will. Whatever Genesis wants, the clones also want. And then he just grows a wing for shits and giggles. Once he tells his BFF Angeal the sitch, behold! He’s got monster clones--maybe because he realizes how fucked up overwriting a human being with yourself is--and wings, too. ...Why?

The power to do all of this shit was always there. It was genetically always there. They just had to be made aware of it, to have the puzzle piece put into place. When Sephiroth dies, that puzzle piece is put into place. And then he starts fuckin’ with shit. And turns into monstrous angels. And then dies again. And then comes back and finally grows himself his own wing. He did it, fellas. He’s a big boy now.

But we’re not here to talk about Sephiroth--ignore how much I talked about Sephiroth and his mommies previously--we’re here to talk about ZACK and CLOUD.

“What’s up with Zack and Cloud?”

First, what we must realize is that even though Hojo says that both Zack and Cloud are failed clones because they 1) didn’t take on any physical characteristics of Sephiroth, 2) didn’t seem controlled by Jenova (or Sephiroth) and, 3) didn’t exhibit the other signs of a Reunion impulse like the other clones in Nibelheim that does not mean that Sephiroth’s cells, Jenova’s cells, are not working on them.

As we’ve observed in other 1sts, abilities do not always manifest immediately or even noticeably. Clearly, Sephiroth’s physical appearance is a bit of a hint, but Genesis and Angeal look pretty damn normal and, if it weren’t for their mako injections, they probably wouldn’t be showing that much of an increase in physical capabilities. Theoretically. Maybe 10-year-old Angeal had biceps the size of a man’s head. I mean. Pff.

Zack’s tolerance to Jenova was strong due to his previous exposure in the SOLDIER program. Cloud’s mind broke pretty early on. Neither of these results matter to the fact that they both now have Sephiroth’s cells within them--just as Genesis’ and Angeal’s clones had theirs--and that their very wills are now going to be affected by Sephiroth’s. But they are also going to be a little bit like him in terms of power.

Zack’s hair, when ingested by a Genesis clone, a clone of a Type-G SOLDIER, transforms that clone into a monster. Zack doesn’t even have to do anything. The Jenova/Sephiroth cells within his body can just Do That, cause that change in another life form, of their own accord. I’m honestly shocked that, whenever they gave Zack these S-cells, HE didn’t turn into a monster. But that’s neither here nor there. I wanna talk about Cloud.

Cloud has mako poisoning, which the Remake describes as his spirit/soul being stuck between his body and the Lifestream. Weird. Anyway, he’s not fully aware of his surroundings at all times, and he clearly can’t control his body that much. He somehow has the ability to kinda get his feet shuffling, and I’m going to go on a limb and say he can chew whatever food Zack gives him, but most of the time, he’s a puppet with cut strings.

But he is also still recovering from a mind break caused by Jenova cells. The same cells that are just chilling in his body, like they are in Zack’s. And all the months Zack is dragging his ass across a continent, an ocean, and another continent, they and Cloud are listening to whatever the fuck Zack is saying. Cloud is also constantly in physical contact with Zack.

In The Kids Are Alright: A Turks Side Story, Kadaj has the power to not only read surface thoughts and memories just by being near someone, but he can also read deeper ones by making physical contact with someone. Because Jenova. And Sephiroth, whose cells Cloud and Zack have, in the OG demonstrates that he, too, can glean thoughts and memories from others. Because Jenova.

If this power is a genetic trait, as it is with Genesis and Angeal, then, sitting pretty underneath their skin, Zack and Cloud have this ability. Dormant. Snoozing. Kinda like the 1st Class Trio’s wings.

But Zack has a high tolerance and a high ignorance to Jenova and just what he might be capable of. Cloud’s mind is floating in and out at best. He’s not in control of himself. And when you have a situation like that, it is very, very easy to come to the conclusion that Cloud’s Jenova cells are passively absorbing the memories of Zack’s time in Nibelheim. That they are knitting these memories together with what little remain in Cloud’s head. That when Tifa comes across Cloud at the train station and calls him by name and remembers who he is that Cloud’s Jenova cells latch onto those memories in Tifa--as Sephiroth tells them they did--and they knit those memories with Zack’s and Cloud’s and the end result is the man we get at the beginning of the OG.

Because Cloud has visual memory of shit he never saw. It’s not just a visual medium telling a visual story. You wanna know how I know that for a fact? Because, in the Remake, Cloud remembers Sephiroth walking up to Jenova’s tank in the reactor from Sephiroth’s perspective. He is looking through Sephiroth’s eyes, through his memory, up at “Mother.” In that moment in the Remake, Cloud is Sephiroth. He’s not Cloud anymore.

Cloud sees Sephiroth delivering the speech of being an Ancient. Cloud wasn’t there. Cloud didn’t see that. Zack did. That is Zack’s memory.

The man writing the Remake is the same man who’s been at the head of MOST FFVII writing. He was on the OG, he wrote Advent Children, he wrote the novels, he wrote Crisis Core, he’s writing the Remake. He knows what these cells can do because he’s crafted this world-building for decades.

Cloud didn’t take all of Zack’s memories. He didn’t need to. Kadaj, in the novel, doesn’t glean everything from someone right off the bat. Because he doesn’t need to. Only when he needs to learn something else does he go digging. The same is probably true for what Cloud’s cells most likely did to be able to know what he knows. Hell! Kadaj gets punched in the novel and he ACCIDENTALLY picks up the emotions and memories of the guy who punched him. He didn’t want ‘em but he got ‘em!”

There is evidence within the OG, and even more within the Compilation, that lend weight to the theory that Cloud unintentionally read Zack’s mind when it came to the events of Nibelheim.

For years, people have wondered, “How the hell does Cloud know that if he wasn’t there?” For years, people have wondered, “How can he use the Buster Sword if he was just a little grunt that used a gun all the time?” The logical answer is, “Because of his Jenova cells. They can just do that shit.”

[kinncman]

A LIST OF PLOTLESS TOWN RP-FRIENDLY CHARACTER IDEAS & CONNECTIONS INSPIRED BY MOVIES! (PART 2)

once again, you can obviously spin any of this in any way (platonic, romantic, familial) etc, and not all of these are the exact plots of the movies they are referencing so pls don’t @ me i am but a lowly translator of ideas.

click here for part one.

content warnings for: drugs, food, hospital, light implications to a toxic former relationship

THE LAKE HOUSE // basically, the lake house except nobody is a ghost and everyone is from the same year <3 muse a is an architect who has been living in The House they built. for reasons utp, they are forced to sell it. muse b is the buyer. muse a can’t let go of the house so even though the title has been transferred to muse b, they keep making excuses to visit The House.

LIGHT SLEEPER // muse a is a former drug addict whose job is delivering drugs to high-profile clients. muse b is their ex and also a former drug addict, with whom their relationship fell out bc of the drug abuse. they coincidentally meet again in a hospital when muse a visits a regular client of their boss who OD’d and muse b’s mother is in for chemo/other intense procedures. muse a and muse b reconnect. they both confess that they are now clean and sober. muse b doesn’t believe muse a since muse a admits that they still work for their old boss, but muse a insists that they haven’t used in years. muse b, on the other hand, is a successful business person who’s really cleaned up their act and is nothing like the person muse a knew before (i.e. a Mess TM). despite the feelings that they hold towards muse b, muse a knows that they should keep their distance since they are the reason that muse b started using in the first place and they wouldn’t want to throw any progress away. HOWEVER, fate seems to keep bringing them together in the most inconvenient places and when they least expect it the most; they allow themselves to indulge in old habits (sex, not drugs) even tho they know they’re totally bad for each other. just when they’re starting to become regular fixtures in each other’s lives again, muse b disappears for weeks on end. as it turns out, they were the one who was never clean and sober to begin with.

PHANTOM THREAD // muse a is a highly-renowned fashion designer / artist / photographer who meets muse b and decides that they want them to be their muse (after already having had a string of former muses). being invisible all their life, muse b accepts this new role— however, to muse a’s dismay, they are nothing like any muse they’ve had before in that instead of having their muse wrapped around their finger, muse b has them wrapped around theirs. great for exploring shifting power dynamics!

GRAY MATTERS // (originally a familial and queer relationship but hey whatever floats your boat) muse a and muse b are siblings (or best friends could work, too). muse a gets engaged to muse c and muse b is their maid-of-honor / best man. because muse c and muse b are the two most important people in muse a’s lives, muse a makes them spend the week before the wedding together bUT OOPS muse b realizes that they have feelings for muse c and they share a drunken kiss which muse c instantly forgets about in the morning??? which is #awkward because 1) MUSE C IS MUSE A’S SPOUSE-TO-BE and 2) MUSE B NEVER REALIZED THAT THEY’RE NOT STRAIGHT. so now they’re trying to deal with coming to terms with this newfound attraction that never thought they could have with the same sex on top of trying to decide whether or not to remind muse c of what they did that one night (since they seem to have zERO recollection) and come clean to their sibling / best friend.

LONG SHOT // muse a works for muse b, who is a very powerful exec / influential artist / whatever. muse a is very much infatuated by muse b, who thinks that they are way out of muse a’s league. muse a reveals that muse b used to come over to muse a’s house to babysit them (because lbr, even tho the the age gap might not be that much, a 14 yr-old will be paid to watch over a 10 yr old). what happens from there?

VELVET BUZZSAW // muse a and muse b are rival art curators / music producers who claim that they are the ones who have rightfully ‘discovered’ muse c. muse a and muse b then go through great lengths to try and win muse c to sign over to them. muse c has no plans of defecting to either sides but decide to string them along for the perks (and for the attention). great for exploring a kooky triad of frenemies or a polyship.

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE // muse a is a painter / filmmaker / photographer who is tasked with relaunching muse b’s career. muse a thinks that muse b is a brat. muse b thinks that muse a is full of themself. 

I’M HUNGRY, I’M COLD // you might wanna try and watch it here first, it’s v short! muse a and muse b are best friends who’ve been on the lam for a long time (for reasons utp) and are now broke bc they blew up all their funds on life’s little pleasures. maybe they start conning people? maybe they try to get a dozen dead-end jobs at once that they suck at so they keep going back to square one? either way, they must decide whether or not they should finally face the music and go home. or maybe they just need to find the means (and a reason) to stay in their current town, and fast. 

BABETTE’S FEAST // muse a is formerly the head chef of a michelin-star awarded restaurant who is now working as something else. muse b had one unforgettable (for sentimental purposes, reasons utp) meal in said restaurant which, unbeknownst to them, was cooked by muse a. the two meet in the current setting, several years later, and become friends / lovers / etc, with muse b sparking muse a’s interest in cooking once again. muse a cooks The Meal™️ for muse b, not knowing what it means to them, and muse b finally recognizes who muse a is as they are flooded by memories of that night they first tasted the dish.

CIGARETTES & COFFEE // muse a and muse b are newlyweds who are in town for their honeymoon. however, things go awry on day 1 when muse a blows it all on some stupid, petty thing (in the original, they blew it on a game of craps in a casino when they’ve neVER played craps before and muse b is fuckin LIVID it’s just hilarious and sad) and their relationship is immediately put to the test when they have to figure out how to scrape money to get home (but also maybe kind of fall in love with the place??? and decide to start their family there??? idk) 

SUCCESSION (this is a tv show but this particular dynamic is just too damn good not to include) with a little bit of THE PANIC IN  NEEDLE PARK // muse a and muse b come from rivaling families (for whatever business, but they gotta be high profile). they meet while theyre trying to be lowkey doing ~~normal people stuff and instantly click despite their families’ tumultuous history, but have to keep their relationship (platonic or otherwise) away from the public eye to avoid raising suspicion from the critics. they think they can help each other’s recoveries by being in each other’s company but all they do is enable each other, further destroying not only their lives, but their families’ reputations as well. 

[365days365movies]

March 15, 2021: Clash of the Titans (1981) (Part One)

This one’s personal…sort of.

Other than the fact that this is based on Greek mythology (previously well-established as one of my favorite subjects), this movie is, in a way, responsible for my existence. And that is because, according to legend, this is the film that my parents went to on their first date. And apparently, it went very well, because I came into being 10 years afterwards. So, yeah, this film is personal, like Dirty Dancing.

And also like Dirty Dancing, I HAVEN’T SEEN IT? I don’t know HOW I escaped seeing this movie. And that’s especially considering that I’ve seen the new one. And that movie was...not great.

Maybe not the worst film I’ve ever seen, but it’s definitely not a good movie. But OK, what’s this one about, exactly? Y’all ready for “The 365 Greek Mythology Hour” again? OK, then, here we go. SING IT LADIES

Clash of the Titans concerns the myth of Perseus, one of the greatest Greek heroes ever. Before Heracles, there was Perseus, son of Zeus. Yeah, Zeus, as he is wont to do, came down to Earth and had some good time with the princess of Argos, the beautiful Danaë. He came upon her while she was locked in a box by her dad, Acrisus, king of Argos.

Yeah, the Oracle at Delphi, ever the wisest, was visited by Acrisus one day, who wanted a son instead of a daughter. The Oracle spoke with Apollo (AKA huffed some of that SWEET SWEET ETHYLENE GAS), and told him that his daughter’s son would kill him. And so, he did the most logical thing: he locked her in a box. Yup. Dick. SPEAKING of dick, Zeus appeared to her in the open box as a golden shower. NOT THAT KIND OF GOLDEN SHOWER. I mean a literal shower of gold. Although...I wouldn’t put it past Zeus, of all gods. Dude was kinky.

So, Perseus is conceived, and Acrisus responds to this with his usual tact; he stuffs Danaë into a SMALLER box, and shoves it out to sea. She gives birth to a boy in the box, and the two eventually wash up on the shore of an island, where a fisherman finds them and takes them in. The boy is named Perseus.

Years go by, and Perseus’ mom is sought by his adoptive dad’s brother, and the king of the island, Polydectes. Polydectes is kind of a dick, and Perseus, now an adult man, doesn’t like him. The feeling’s mutual, and Polydectes has a plan. He holds a banquet, and forces all invited to bring a gift of horses. Perseus, being pretty poor, cannot bring this gift, but promises on his honor to bring whatever Polydectes wants of him, no matter what. And Polydectes asks for the head of Medusa.

Fuck.

Medusa’s one of your classic Greek monsters, a Gorgon. She’s one of Athena’s victims, formerly a vain temple priestess who was, well...raped by Poseidon, let’s be honest. However, since Athena’s priestesses were meant to be celibate, she was the one who ended up being punished. Fuckin’ YIKES. But OK, literal ancient gender politics aside, Athena cursed her with snakes for hair, and the ability to turn her victims into stone with a gaze into her eyes. Classic. And sure death for anyone who went after her.

So, Perseus is fucked. He’s gotta kill Medusa, and he doesn’t even have a way to get to her place. And that’s when he gets a favor from none other than Athena, goddess of wisdom and wartime strategy, as well as Perseus’ half-sister. I love Athena (other than the Medusa bullshit, obviously), and this is one of her most prominent roles in mythology. Well, that and the creation of spiders. That was also punishing a woman for her vanity, by the way. She has a type.

First, Perseus was told to find the Hesperides, nymphs of the dusk and dawn who would give him weapons. He got their location from the Greae, more colloquially known as the Gray Sisters. Weirdly enough, you may know them from Hercules, where they were combined with the Fates. They don’t have the future gimmick, but they do have that whole “sharing an eye” thing. Also, they share a tooth. Neat.

Anyway, Perseus takes their eye hostage, which makes them tell him where the Hesperides are. He goes to them, and they give him a bag to hold Meduga’s head. Then, the gods step in. Zeus decides to be a good dad for a change, and gives him an indestructible sword, and Hades’ Helmet of Invisibility. Hermes, another of Perseus’ half-brothers, gives him a pair of winged sandals to fly with. And Athena, technically Perseus’ patron, gives him a mirrored shield.

Perseus heads to the cave of Medusa, uses the shield, then goes up to her and cuts off her head. From her neck, for some goddamn reason, and golden sword pops out, alongside this guy.

Yeah, he’s not made out of clouds. He’s actually the, uh...he’s the result of Poseidon’s crime against Medusa. Fucked up, innit? Pegasus flies up to hang out with Bellerophon to kill the Chimera, and Perseus heads back to...actually, he goes to ANOTHER king who was a dick to him, and turns him into stone with Medusa’s head. Kings hate Perseus, seriously.

Perseus heads home after that, and goes through Ethiopia. There, he meets the King and Queen, Cepheus and Cassiopeia. Cassie’s gorgeous, but she tells Perseus that her daughter Andromeda is, like, WAY hotter, as beautiful as the sea goddesses. Which PISSES OFF POSEIDON (who is basically the villain of Perseus’ story, let’s be honest), and he send a sea monster named Cetus to destroy the kingdom, UNLESS they sacrifice Andromeda to it. And, because kings are assholes in this story, they do, chaining Andromeda to a rock. But, because Perseus believes that all women are queens, he goes to rescue her, and kills Cetus using all of his things. He weds Andromeda, and turns his romantic rival Phineus into stone using Medusa’s head.

Usually, that’s where retellings end, because there’s a recurring trend to Perseus’ story after that. A king is an asshole, Perseus whips out the head, asshole becomes statue of an asshole. However, there is that prophecy to contend with, about Perseus killing his grandfather. See, Acrisus basically retired by this point, and lived in the kingdom of Thessaly. But one day, he went to see some games, in which Perseus was competing in the discus. Well, wouldn’t you know it, Perseus isn’t great at it, and loses control of the discus, which hits Acrisus, killing him instantly.

Utimate frisbee, man. It’s dangerous.

There’s another version where Perseus uses Medusa’s head to turn his dad into stone, surprise surfuckingprise there. But yeah, after that the story varies. Sometimes he becomes a king, sometimes he doesn’t. He basically always marries Andromeda and has kids with her. Sometimes he founds a city of his own, sometime he doesn’t. And in one ending, where he’s lived to be an old king, he fulfills his ultimate destiny and turns Medusa’s head on himself. Geez.

So, yeah, there you go. That’s the story of Perseus. Let’s, uh...let’s see what the movie does, huh? This is another Ray Harryhausen joint, so I’m...tentatively excited for it. We’ll see how badly they mess up the myth, and whether or not it works despite that. So, ENOUGH of me lecturing you guys, huh?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin approximately where most iterations do: King Acrisius (Donald Houston) has just cast his daughter Danae (Vida Taylor) and grandson Perseus into the ocean, containing them within a wooden chest in order to “forgive his daughter’s crimes”. Yeah, sure, OK, buddy. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

This also pisses off Zeus (Laurence Mother Fucking Olivier), who consorts with the rest of the Olympians on what to do to Acrisus. Said Olympians include Hera (Claire Bloom), goddess of marriage and women; Thetis (Maggie Mother Fucking Smith), goddess of the sea and leader of the Nereids; Athena (Susan Fleetwood), goddess of wisdom and strategic victory; Aphrodite (Ursula Andress), goddess of love; and Poseidon (Jack Gwillim), god of the sea.

Hera tries to defend Acrisus, noting his prior years of devotion to Zeus and the other gods. But Zeus ain’t HAVING that shit, and tells Poseidon to destroy the city of Argos in revenge. This is to be done by...releasing the last of the Titans? Which is apparently the Kraken. I mean...no, a thousand times no, but whatever.

This little tantrum is Zeus’ way of showing his love towards Danae, whose child Perseus is his. This is helpfully pointed out by Thetis, who seems...a little spiteful, as much as Hera is about Perseus. Seems like she’s stoking some fires. Hmm. She is Queen of the Nerieds, so she may play a larger role later on.

Beneath the sea, Poseidon readies himself to set loose the Kraken and destroy Argos, at Zeus’ command. Zeus, meanwhile, kills Acrisus by using a clay voodoo doll of sorts to strike him down. And that’s when Poseidon lets loose the Kraken for the first time. And the Kraken...

Guys, the Kraken looks...actually, I’ll spoil his appearance later on. The Kraken destroys the city, and Zeus kills Acrisius. So much for the goddamn prophecy that explains why Acrisius did what he did, but fuck me, I guess. Danae and Perseus, meanwhile, have safely arrived on the shores of the island of Seriphus, at Zeus’ insistence. There, Perseus grows from child into a fine young man, with Zeus always watching over him...and with Thetis and company always watching over Zeus. Interesting.

The adult Perseus (Harry Hamlin) lives happily on the island, much to Perseus’ delight. Thetis, on the other hand, asks about her mortal son, a young man named Calibos (Neil McCarthy). Apparently, Calibos is a bit of a monster, and while he’d been set to wed the princess Andromeda, he’s also managed to kil all living things on the island that he’s been given, save for a single winged horse named Pegasus. Hence...he is to be punished.

Calibos, by the way? Entirely original creation of the film, and there’s nobody like him in Greek mythology. Anyway, Thetis is crushed by this, and decides to exact revenge of both Perseus and her son’s would-be fiancee, Andromeda. She pledges to open up Perseus’ eyes to grim reality, and does so by placing him in the kingdom of Joppa, where Calibos was originally set to rule alongside Andromeda.

Here, in an amphitheatre, he encounters a mysterious masked and robed figure, who quickly reveals themselves to be Ammon (Burgess Meredith), a poet and playwright. Apparently, Ammon wears his disguise to scare off trespassers. He tells Perseus that all of Joppa is in a tizzy about a curse of some kind, and that the story of the fallen kingdom of Argos is a famous legend.

Ammon tells Perseus to go back home to Seriphus, but Perseus tells Ammon that he’s promised to restore his mother’s old kingdom, and decides that Joppa would be a good start. Despite his drive, though, Zeus is pissed off at Thetis for plopping Perseus down unprepared. He tells the other goddesses to give him gifts to help him claim the kingdom of Joppa as his own. This includes a helmet from Athena, a sword from Aphrodite, and a shield from Hera. I mean...OK, that’s super goddamn weird, but OK.

After Zeus leaves, the goddesses rightfully complain about Zeus’ constant womanizing, but note that he probably doesn’t remember Danae at this point, is is most likely acting out of stubborn pride for his “handsome son”. Their words, not mine.

In Joppa, Perseus finds the gifts by the statues of their grantors. The sword from Aphrodite is adamantine, like the original myth, and slices through marble without a blemish. The shield from Hera...talks. Yeah. The shield bears the visage of Zeus, who tells him that the weapons are gifts from the gods, and that the helmet from Athena turns the wearer invisible. I mean, fuck Hades, I guess, but OK. Technically Athena did give the helmet to Perseus, so OK.

Armed with his new gear, an invisible Perseus immediately takes off to see Joppa, sans his sword. We only see his footsteps in the sand as he leaves, which is legitimately a VERY neat effect, and I’m not sure how they did it, but it’s neat as hell. Off to Joppa, a vaguely Phoenician/Persian kingdom, despite the fact that the original Joppa, or Jaffa, is a port city in Israel.

There, he meets a soldier, Thallo (Tim Pigott-Smith), who tells him of the situation. Since Calibos fell to Zeus’ wrath, Andromeda rejected him, allowing any suitor to try for her hand, whether they be royal or not. To do so, they must answer a riddle. If they fail to answer, the would-be suitor is burned to death. This is lorded over by Queen Cassiopeia (Sian Phillips), while Andromeda (Judi Bowker) lives in the tower of the palace.

Which is why Perseus IMEDIATELY uses the helmet to go into her room that night! CLASSY, PERSEUS. There, he sees...a giant vulture bring a cage to Andromeda’s balcony. No idea where in the fuck this is going, but that’s a damn good looking vulture. God, I love Harryhausen.

Anyway, the vulture is here for Andromeda’s soul, which leaves her body and goes to sit in the cage. The vulture takes off with it, al as the invisible Perseus watches on. He takes this opportunity to touch Andromeda’s face in her sleep (stop, Perseus, for the love of Zeus), then decides that winning Andromeda is his destiny. And so, his simpin’ journey begins.

The next day, Perseus asks Ammon how they can follow the vulture, who has apparently headed to the marshes to the “marsh lord”. To follow the vulture, Ammon suggests that they find and capture the last of the winged horses, known as Pegasus. And we’ve officially lost the track of Greek mythology at this point. Shit.

Well, with Ammon’s help, Perseus captures Pegasus and rides him through the skies. Meanwhile, in Corinth, some dude named Bellerophon is just having a stroke, I guess, because he’s totally fucked now. Whatever. The next day, the vulture comes back to Andromeda’s place and takes her soul to the marsh. But this time, Perseus and Pegasus follow them.

In the marsh, the marsh-lord and riddle-maker is revealed as Calibos, who is still in love with the beautiful Andromeda. As she cannot love him, he provides to her another riddle to give her would-be suitors. In tears, she memorizes the riddle and its answer, Calibos touches her uncomfortably, even as Andromeda asks him to lift his curse and show pity. But he refuses, in pain from his love. Jesus, this movie should be called Clash of the Simps, goddamn.

Perseus was watching the whole thing, though, which Calibos immediately figures out when he sees Perseus’ footsteps in the dirt. As Perseus goes through the swamp looking for Pegasus, he’s found and attacked by Calibos. Calibos, by the way, is a guy in pretty solid makeup in close-up shots, and a Harryhausen model in far-away shots.

The two struggle, the helmet is lost in the swamp, and Perseus draws his sword. But we suddenly cut away to see the daily ritual of the presentation for Andromeda’s would-be suitors. Perseus steps in, having survived the attack from last night, and offers his hand to Andromeda, who recognizes Perseus from a dream. She gives the riddle, which is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. Here, I’ll prove it.

In my mind’s eye, I see three circles joined in priceless harmony. Two, full as the moon; one, hollow as a crown. Two from the sea, five fathoms down. One from the Earth, deep under the ground. What is it?

Any guesses? Anybody?

NO MATTER WHAT YOU FAIL. Because the answer is Calibos’ ring! HOW IN THE SHIT WOULD ANYBODY HAVE GUESSED THAT? It’s a golden ring with two pearls on it! WHO KNOWS THAT SHIT? I call complete bullshit, and the only reason that Perseus knows it is because he spied on this last night! Also, because he cut off Calibos’ hand, and made him renounce his curse, which is...never really specified, now that I think about it.

With that, Perseus has both Andromeda’s and Calibos’ hands! HA! Calibos is not as amused, as he preys to his other Thetis, at a temple of hers. He demands that Thetis take revenge on those whom Perseus loves, specifically Andromeda and the city of Joppa itself. He demands justice, but Thetis identifies this correctly as revenge. All the while, Perseus declares his love for Andromeda, and they seal their union with a kiss and ritual.

During this ritual, in which Andromeda and Perseus are essentially married, Queen Cassiopeia, LIKE A DUMBASS, says that Andromeda is more beautiful than the goddess Thetis herself. Yeah. BAD FUCKING MOVE, especially because she said that IN FRONT OF THETIS’ FUCKING SANCTUARY. At least that dumbass move was kept from the original story.

Well, Thetis tells Cassie that she can only atone for her stupidity in one way: sacrifice your daughter to the Kraken in 30 days. Later on, Perseus speaks with Ammon to figure out how they can defeat the Kraken. Ammon suggests speaking with the “Stygian Witches”, who I’m assuming are our Grey Sisters for the night. However, according to Thallo, they have a taste for human flesh. Still, Perseus is going, as are Ammon, Thallo, and Andromeda. But not Pegasus.

Well...shit, man. That changes a few things, huh? But that’ll be addressed...IN PART TWO! See you there!

[todo-ho-ki]

In honor of me never writing a single fucking word for the stories I’m still actually working on, I wanted to do something, anything at all, and obviously right now I’m fixating on haikyu instead of BNHA so welcome to...

Chances I’d Fight the Haikyu Boys and the Likelihood I’d Win

KARASUNO

Daichi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s a master of being cool and respectful he wouldn’t give me a reason to square up

Chances I’d win- Manz could crush me with his thighs alone one kick and I’m in the afterlife BUT he wouldn’t fight a lady so 1/10

Suga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 a bitch might consider for money or something but otherwise. HEEEELLLL NO

Chances I’d win: suga seems lovely but Manz is as unhinged as his jaw will be when he swallows my arm whole after I try to punch him 2/10

Asahi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 he’s a soft boy I’d never fight him but +2 bc I might give him a gentle arm punch if need be. Overall -1/10

Chances I’d win: he only LOOKS scary but he wouldn’t hurt a fly tbh he’s probably scared of flies and looking like an asshole for fighting back 9/10 -1 point because Manz got REACH and COULD take me out if he wanted

Noya 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 he can be a little shit sometimes I stg

Chances I’d win: -1/10 he could jump on me and bite my jugular out I ain’t fuckin w/him. +2 points bc he’s a simp so he probably WOULDNT...but he COULD. Overall 1/10

Tanaka 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 6/10 he do be antagonizing sometimes and I swear if he SAY SOME SHIT TO ME...

Chances I’d win: mans could probably ACTUALLY win a fight hes full of energy and he could probs give me a look and I’d get scared 3/10 bc I don’t think he’d fight me either he’s a GENTLEMAN OK

Kageyama🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -50/10 bitch is SCARY and I know he’ll throw hands I’ve seen it

Chances I’d win: kageyama DO NOT GIVE A FUCK he’s broody in general and have you SEEN HIS SERVES he could slap me into next week(I’d thank him OOP) -370/10

Hinata 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -500/10 Hinata is best boy I’d never lay a hand on him

Chances I’d win: I’d say 10/10 but I’ve SEEN that look in his eyes I don’t wanna know what it means so 6/10

Tsukishima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: Manz knows all the buttons to press he’s a salty MF 8/10 but not 10/10 cuz he looks hot sometimes

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something that makes me cry and id get distracted and he’ll walk away 2/10 cuz I could take him if I could see past the tears

Yamaguchi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -60,000/10 yams is a ray of SUNSHINE I could NEVER

Chances I’d win: here’s where things get tricky. He’s friends with Tsuki so he’s def got the sass and shit I think he’d be the one to secretly be able to THROW DOWN 3/10

NEKOMA

Kuro ����

Chances I’d fight him: -530,000/10 I LOVE him sm I simp too hard I can’t ruin that pretty face and that smirk NO ABSOLUTELY NOT

Chances I’d win: Manz is like a tree he could hold me at bay w/one of those buff-ass arms or crush my head with his thighs and since id let him, -6/10. minus three points cuz he’d charm me out of fighting

Kenma 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 7/10 BAD BITCH GOT A ATTITUDE, NASTY

Chances I’d win: Kenma’s spicy and he WILL fight but I got too much strength on him so 9/10 I think he’d pull out some moves before giving up

Lev 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 4/10 sometimes he’s just...REALLY stupid and arrogant which makes my eye twitch but minus 4 points bc he’s a big softie

Chances I’d win: his arm alone is longer than my body even if he couldnt fight he could swing blindly and accidentally hit the part of my brain responsible for consciousness in a panic. Also 4/10

Yaku 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: absolutely not I love his sassy attitude he be talkin shit sometimes 0/10 plus three points bc sometimes hed aim his tude at me and I STG

Chances I’d win: Manz is small but ready to pounce he’d jump on my back like a spider monkey and punch my skull till it caves in RIP me. 4/10 plus 2 points bc hed take it out on Lev instead

Fukunaga 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 Manz never did nothin to nobody

Chances I’d win: he’d probably say something so funny I’d die from lack of oxygen w/o ever getting a hit in 3/10 if I can breathe I can get his ass

SEIJOH

Oikawa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: depends on the day but a solid 6/10 he’s a little bitch sometimes but we love to see it. I also don’t wanna be messin up that pretty ass face

Chances I’d win: if he REALLY wanted to he could serve me into a different reality but he wouldn’t fight unless he ABSOLUTELY had to so I could get his ass too. Pre time skip: 19/10. Minus 63 points because I KNOW 27 year old oikawa would WRECK MY SHIT and I’d say please sir may I have some more

Iwaizumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: yo, you out to DAMN MIND??? -100,000/10

Chances I’d win: look. LOOK. Iwa Chan’s biceps are bigger than my head I mean NOTHING to him. I’m but a pebble to a god. He got a 6’7” attitude cuz he can swing like a 6’7” man. He could probably pull his dick out once and obliterate me with the seismic aftershock of it hitting the ground. -1235/10 minus six points bc ID LET HIM KILL ME

Yahaba 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: solid 7/10 KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS

Chances I’d win: see, you’d THINK this would be where I’d have the upper hand but Manz manhandled mad dog and lived. He’d slam me into a wall until my soul leaves my body right where I stand 3/10 bc he be simpin. Minus 3 points because I’d enjoy it

Mattsun 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: pre time skip:0/10

post time skip: -57/10 I ain’t putting my hands on a face that pretty

Chances I’d win: I’m doomed. He’d give me one look and I’d cave. Im walking out the broom closet limping but not bc of a fight. -41/10

Kiyotani 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: we’ll go with a solid -5/10 for...reasons

Chances I’d win: if I actually stood up to him he’d freeze in place but he could slap me into a different country if provoked 1/10

Kunimi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 we love a man who’s emotionally detached plus he’s hot tf

Chances I’d win: Manz would give up halfway through if he even indulged in the first place. 6/10 minus three points bc I’d win by default after he walks away

INARIZAKI

Kita 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: he’s a good boy -3/10

Chances I’d win: respectable guy but I have no doubt he’d rock my shit I’m ascending to the astral plane 1/10

Osamu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: uh-uh. 0/10

Chances I’d win: he’s the aggressive twin. One flying kick to the heart and it’s across the gym and I’m dead as FUCK. 2/10 minus 2 points bc PLEASE put your hands on me sir

Atsumu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: a soft 4/10 he’s a BRAT buuuuuut I love him so fucking much I’d let it go

Chances I’d win: he’s all bark and no bite. Srry bby but you’re gettin FOLDED I love you though. 88/10. minus 370 points bc please spend the rest of your life with me I could never hurt you 🥺

Aran 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -5/10 he’s so sweet why would you fight him

Chances I’d win: he’d serve a volleyball into the back of my head and I take +10 damage from how cool it looks. Can fit my face in one hand probably. -43/10 minus ten points because of how cool he’d look killing me instantly

Suna 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 2/10 he’s a little shit too he’d make someone record it

Chances I’d win: he’d try to fuck me instead. It would work. 1/10 bc I’d slap him afterward but like, sexily

FUKURODANI

Bokuto 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 3/10 emo mode GOTS TO GO

Chances I’d win: his ass would pull me into it’s orbit and he’d use the opportunity to crush me with his thighs. -6/10. Minus 4 points bc what a FUCKING way to go please kill me

Akaashi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 1/10 he’s intimidating you kidding me NO

Chances I’d win: I could take him if he’s distracted by Bokuto. 6/10 if he is, 1/10 if he’s not

Konoha 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: -3/10 we love a sassy boy

Chances I’d win: I’m not maiming a face that pretty -28/10 I’d get lost in his eyes tf

SHIRATORIZAWA

Ushijima 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: none and a half I couldn’t even look at him. -.5/10

Chances I’d win: one smack would knock my organs out of my body. Big boy+big body=big death even if he misses the aftershock will stop my heart -67/10 minus four points bc RAIL ME

Tendou 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 14/10 SQUARE UP BITCH

Chances I’d win: WELCOME TO HELL. YOUVE MADE A MISTAKE 36/10

Shirabu 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: 0/10 he’s too cool

Chances I’d win: he wouldn’t show. Too busy getting his hair cut. I win by default. 10/10 minus four points bc there would be no fight

Semi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I wouldn’t. 0/10. He’d give me the semi brow and I’d be down and out for the count. I’m not hitting a face that pretty.

Chances I’d win: 2/10. Minus three points bc he’d smash a guitar over my head, killing me instantly. Minus three more points bc I’d ask him to wear a leather jacket first

Goshiki 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: None. 0/10. His words and his bangs are as cool as ever.

Chances I’d win: he’d cry if I looked at him wrong. 86/10 but minus four points bc he’s baby

EXTRAS

Sakusa 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: surprisingly high. 7/10 bc a bitch got a attitude. Minus 8 points because he’s so fucking beautiful I don’t know if I could follow through

Chances I’d win: I’d just lick my hands before I started swinging and he’d leave. 8/10. Minus two points bc I think if he REALLY needed to square up he’d take me down in a fucking headlock until I pass out. Minus two more points because I’d ask him to squeeze harder.

Ukai jr. 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: that’s the wrong F word kids 😏. -34/10 besides I ain’t squaring up with a man that wears a headband like that

Chances I’d win: he probably could eat a bowl of nails for breakfast without any milk. -99/10. Minus 15 points bc I’d stop to ask him if he wants to finish this at my place

Hiragumi 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: why would you fight such a good, PRETTY boy? -5/10

Chances I’d win: he’d smile at me and I’d give up. -12/10

Takeda 🏐

Chances I’d fight him: I think he’d kill me honestly. Plus the boys would’ve never had a chance w/o him absolutely NOT -2/10

Chances I’d win: he’s hiding a demon from hell under that green jacket. -60/10

Terushima🏐

Chances I’d fight him: sheeeit I could try but his sexiness would leave me paralyzed. 1/10 if I look at enough pictures I could get past his fucking blonde undercut and tongue ring

Chances I’d win: he’d have my thighs around his head in 1.8 seconds. Will kill me with his tongue. -435/10

[thistangledbrain]

I think I’m going to add Day 28 a day early, because I just finished it. This one took me 3 days to write...I had to keep putting it down. I think because meltdowns are our strongest reminders that we are NOT like other people, and that can be hard to accept sometimes, especially when we’re trying so hard to blend in or go along. Also, meltdowns are when we are in a raw, illogical space - which is highly unsavory, to put it mildly. We are vulnerable. Naked. Stuck. Entirely in fight or flight mode - or both. For as baffling and upsetting as you find it to be - trust me, we aren’t having a good time, either.

*takes a deep breath*

Ok, here goes.

Day 28

“Dealing with meltdowns”

Well, this one’s fun. (sarcasm)

I’m glad I got a few days ahead, because this one is hard to think about, so I keep putting it down and then coming back to it. I asked my youngest some questions, but he didn’t want to talk about it, either.

We hate meltdowns. It feels like the whole world is ending/everything is crashing down at once. I don’t CARE if what triggered it was “small” - all the repressed stuff we’ve been trying to squash comes crashing in like the fuckin Kool-Aid Man through a half open door.

But, I’ll start with how you can help.

First and foremost: DO NOT TOUCH!!! NO! BAD NEUROTYPICAL!! NO TOUCH!! (One exception: if we’re trying to blindly bolt from our environment. STOP US.)

I know this is completely counterintuitive to typical human nature, especially with young children. You want to scoop them up and cuddle them and make them feel safe. Sorry, but you just did the opposite of that - you freaked us out even more, and your need to touch and comfort is entirely yours, in that moment. Let us come to you if we want physical comfort - when we do need that, we can be like clingy little monkeys (and if an Autie child clings to you during a meltdown, you *honor* that shit & throw all the loving calm energy you can out there for them - do not say anything or try and talk them out of it - just let them cling to you and cry. Literally - JUST be there). I will say, AFTER the meltdown, we will possibly need some reassurance and kindness, if you can manage it. We will sometimes allow holding when we don’t feel good, with our absolute closest humans, but generally we really want you to just be there but not touch, until we’re ready. Lots of us don’t really want you to leave altogether, at least not for long - even if it seems like we do.

If you want to help, start with keeping your energy (your “vibe”) as calm, gentle, and peaceful as possible. Try not to get frantic or frustrated. If we’re at home or in a familiar space, do things that make our space feel better - drop the blinds/make it dark, place our weighted blanket over us/find our stuffy if we have one, light a candle or burn sage/waft a favorite calming scent, like lavender. If you say anything, use a soft, gentle voice - try not to talk too much...but if you sing, that can be very soothing. Sing very softly - I don’t know why, but soft singing and rocking (if you can stay on key...sorry but it’s grating when the tune is off!) can go a long way towards calming. Things like this can head a total meltdown off or stop it in its tracks, sometimes. Or get us out into an environment that makes us happy (like a nature trail)...but if we’re past a 4 (I’ll explain in a moment), we might not be willing to.

If we’re in a school setting, get us out from under those GOD DAMNED FLUORESCENT LIGHTS...YOU might not pick up on their eye-and-head hurting flicker, but we can. They suck even when we’re in a GOOD mood. See if you can get us into a darker room, or at least one without those &$@!;!! lights. Small things like bright lights, or sounds that usually only cause mild annoyance can become HUGE - for example, my dogs. In my best moments, the sound of them licking themselves will set my teeth on edge - if I’m trying to come out of a meltdown, those sounds - or almost any sounds, really, except white noise stuff - are infuriating. I hate to say that, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s just true. All your sensory shit is dialed to 11 and someone broke the knob off - there is NO “just deal with” whatever, at that point. We aren’t dealing with SHIT right then, so removal to a quiet spot is pretty damn important.

Try to distract or divert us before we’re over a 4 on a 1-10 scale, though, and absolutely before we start looping (the suggestions so far are for when the meltdown is in/almost in full swing - and I’m only speaking for older auties and into adulthood, here, though most of this stuff helps littles, too).

Let me explain “escalation scale” and “looping” - with the help of my husband, who recognizes patterns of escalation as well (in us, and in dogs ☺️). “Looping” is his word. It means no matter what you say, we keep looping back to what’s got us upset/how much we hate ourselves right then/all the bad feelings/past hurts that are piling on to the current problem. You’ll pull us out of it for a second, but then we loop right back to it. Ideally, you want to intervene before we get to the looping, which is about a 7+ on the escalation scale. Once we’re at a 7 and above....we’re consumed by it, and it gets much harder to diffuse. Think of the 1-10 scale like this: 1 is calm, 10 is completely nuclear - above a 7, almost nothing will distract us, almost nothing will divert us except bodily removal from the situation/environment & then leaving us the fuck alone (maybe figuratively but not literally - it depends on your Autie) for a while until we exhaust ourselves one way or another. If you can intervene and remove/distract right around a level 4 - which is right when you start to notice someone is getting quite agitated, you’ve got a good chance of heading the meltdown off at the pass. But if we’re already looping - repeating phrases over and over, looping back to our most upsetting feelings no matter what you say or do, sometimes while rocking or banging, you’re way too late. Now we have to ride it out together...as safely as we can manage. Now you need to make things dark, private, and as calming as you can, if possible. Or just get us the fuck out of the situation that set us off. That helps, too...obviously. I’ll tee up a possible scenario: you’re at an amusement park with your Autie. WHOA stimulation, right? You’re all having a fab time, but suddenly your Autie starts to cry or get angry or otherwise exhibit “I am SUPER OVERWHELMED” energy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s just a lot to process, even when all the things are pretty fun. So, find a quiet place in a park like area to chill. Grab food from a stand - or go back out to your car and sit and eat a packed lunch or have some snacks. Don’t make a big fucking deal about it, either. Just “oh okay, I think now’s a good time for a quiet break”. Keep in mind all autistics are living in a sensory rich environment, and it can get mega overwhelming sometimes. It’s not always bad shit that sets us off.

I’ve mentioned in prior posts how it can feel like someone else is driving the car (controlling the emotions), while we sit in the back seat and scream and hit and try to get them to stop the fucking car and let us out...it’s in these moments that I TOTALLY understand how doctors got autism and schizophrenia mixed up, in years past. At least, that ripping in half is what my youngest son and I feel. YOU’RE frustrated with us right then? BRUH. WE are so fucking pissed and frustrated and upset that we can’t stop the car, too. You’re not helping if we know you are frustrated, either - that’s why I mention keeping your “vibe” as level and gentle and “no biggie” as possible.

I have some tips for head bangers and stuff, that I won’t include in this post but I’m happy to tell you what I’ve done/what can work.

Basically? “Dealing with” meltdowns is just....TRY SHIT. If you’re an Autie trying to manage your own, play around with what helps you calm down. It could be a brisk walk away from anything human, time under your weighted blanket, time in a dark warm shower or tub (idk about you, but in this house - water soothes nearly anything, most of the time), holding your pet, screaming all the cuss words you know into the void lol ....and the same methods might not work all the time (I was “feeling unsubstantiated feelings” the other day, and got into the shower before they overwhelmed me - a usual go to - but this time, the water felt disgusting, being wet just made it all worse. It surprised even me, but you gotta roll with it & try something else). But try as hard as you can to do something that will soothe you. Or find a safe place to let it all out, without hurting yourself. Pro tip, though: do not add alcohol. It not only takes away all the barriers you’ve probably put up to keep from going completely off the deep end, but it also magnifies all the bad feelings. I am, however, a big fan now of smoking a little green. I started trying that about 3 years ago and oh my god where has this been my whole adult life. I can’t take antidepressants or even most anxiety meds...but I can smoke. I use carefully chosen calming and pain relieving indica strains - sativa can sometimes make me feel more anxious. (YMMV)

If you’re the Emotional Support Human™️ of a melting down Autie, the same applies. Just try stuff. Trust me you will know if said Autie finds your efforts upsetting. It’s ok to want to talk to us about it afterwards, in a constructive way. Once we’ve calmed down, we know you’re trying to help. We’re raw and exhausted immediately after a meltdown though (meltdowns usually lead to shutdowns), so give us a little time, maybe. Or maybe not - maybe your Autie will be in a more communicative frame of mind, since it’s fresh. You won’t know unless you ask, maybe like “could we talk about this, or would you like some time to be quiet?” (Again - gentle tone and energy is important.)

Meltdowns are hard for me to write about because these days, they’re super rare, but when they happen, they’re ...well, brutal. Like really, really bad. I had one a few years ago that I think terrified my husband. We were in the car. I was getting so upset (screaming, beating my fists and probably thrashing a little) that he had to stop the car. Luckily we were in the boonies, but...not long after he stopped the car, I attempted to bolt. I felt trapped in between his efforts to soothe and the small confines of the car, and just wanted to bolt. Run. Far away. There was ZERO thought of personal safety at that point. His efforts to contain me were met with violence. I will be ashamed of that for the rest of my life - I don’t even have words for what an amazing human my husband is, and the LAST thing my non-melting-down brain wants, is to hurt him. But all I could think about was doing whatever needed to be done to escape this hell I was in. God. Just writing about it hurts, and I feel fresh shame. I’m telling you all this, so that you understand that *in that moment*, we are a cornered and overwhelmed animal, who wants to just bite bite bite or run away (fight/flight). The things we usually cling to - logic and reason - don’t exist right then. Nothing is logical - which actually adds to our upset.

There may be a time when your Autie feels like this too - and that’s one time where you DO need to intervene even if we don’t like it/hate it/get furious with you for it. If we are trying to hurt ourselves or run, do what you need to to not allow that. I truly believe this is how many young Autie kids get lost - we were upset and we just bolted blindly. We don’t react well to you stopping us....but it’s necessary.

There’s a moment in the Disney movie “Soul”, where 22 becomes a lost soul. Her little bright blue body is engulfed by swirling blackness, and inside that blackness is every bad or negative thing that’s ever been said to her. She starts looping - “I’m not good enough”, “I have no purpose”, over and over and over. This is what a meltdown feels like. In the movie, her mentor quietly hands her a small token reminder that starts to make the blackness melt away - it’s not the token that “society” thinks she should have, it’s a personal one. Shouting at her, blah blahblah talking, trying to reason with her makes her hiss and run away - but *quietly* handing her a tactile object that means something to her, brings her back to the present, and is what breaks the looping.

Here’s the clip of when he breaks through her meltdown. I hope it explains things in a way I’m struggling to. I’ll end with that...if the subtitles distract you, I apologize, I can’t find a “clean clip”.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nmapZFDUkBk&t=41s

[nevermore-ocs]

Protective

Author’s Note: 7.3K words of a smut fic of my character, Internal and @flowerthornsart‘s character, Codec!!

Internal snarled to himself, the smell of the common dreg of the undercity of Daxton made him gag, walking rotten meat slabs that wore disheveled clothes they were to him. And now, the fact that Drake's great plan of getting information about their youngest brother, Blood, from these stains was working, he wasn't going to hear the end of it. He leaned against a wall, silently watching the discussion of the eldest vampire conversing with a masked man dressed in a long sleeve shirt, tattered and worn jeans, and sneakers coated in dirt. "And you're positive they were here?" Drake's voice rang through Internal's ears, "Yeah man they were here, that big bitch Blade and his little vampire sidekick were here like a week ago," even his voice sounded disgusting, it was rough to the ears like he's been smoking every day for the last three years. "Thank you for your information," Drake reached into one of his suit pockets and pulled out a wad of cash held by a small rubber band and handed it to the man who boisterously unbounded it and counted the bills with a wide-spread grin. He took another glance at Drake, putting the money away in his pocket. "'Ey I meant to ask, where's that cute girl that comes with y'all?" That's when Internal's attention was caught at full force. "How do you mean?" Drake could sense Internal's quick-growing anger, he had to quietly put a hand up to halt his hot-headed brother. "That cyborg girl, dude! The one with the helmet? She's fine as Hell, hehe!" Drake had to take a glance over his shoulder at Internal, he was fuming, his now unsheathed claws were slicing into the decaying wallpaper behind him, he was growling lowly to himself, drool was cascading down his chin. "Sucks how she didn't come with y'all, I would have LOVED to show her a good time, you know what I mean?" The man snickered, Drake opened his mouth to say something only to be interrupted by Internal's boots thudding against the creaking hardwood floor due to him stomping up to the two, however, he was halted yet again by Drake who outstretched an arm across his brother's chest, as security. Internal hunched over, he was baring his teeth, his eyes were wide and his pupils were in slits, and a rough, snarling growl emitted deep from his throat. "Drake..." Internal finally spoke, his voice laced with a dangerous amount of venom, it was practically dripping out of his mouth. "Yes, Internal?" Drake asked, already knowing what the question was going to bed. "Can I eat now?" The feral vampire hissed through his gritted sharp teeth, and after being mute for a moment or two, Drake lowered his arm back down to his side, freeing him. "You may." It was like the leash was taken off of a dangerous dog, Internal charged forward at the man with unnatural speed and a hissing roar, there was a loud sound of his teeth piercing through the flesh of the man's neck, right into the jugular, he dug his sharp, pointed, dagger-like teeth deep into his neck flesh in a ferocious bite. His jaw locked, the blood from the man's arterial vein sprayed thickly in Internal's mouth like a dense red mist and as the feral vampire heard the man's gurgling pleas for help, and his feeble, weak attempts to push him off of him, Internal sharply turned his head to the side, the man's throat was torn clear out, the blood spray continued heavily right onto Internal's face before he dropped the man's now limp body down onto the wooden, creaky floor. "Well that was-" Drake paused when Internal knelt to the body and started to use his claws to slice through the man's chest cavity, blood splattered in numerous pools around the fresh corpse, the feral vampire took a hold of the body's ribcage and with a grunt, and with a quite a show of strength, he splintered bones and broke them, tossing the pieces away to the side sloppily. Internal's mouth was practically frothing at the invading smell of human organs and that's when his stomach growled loudly. He glanced over his shoulder at Drake who gave one nod and Internal's feast began. "Violent." Drake finished his thought.

"You left the lungs?" Drake questioned, counting in his head while his fingers flicked through the dollar bills from before, when all was counted for, he folded the money back up, clasped them all together with that rubber band from before, and slid the payment back into his suit pocket. "He was a smoker, I could fuckin' smell it off of him. I'm surprised how you didn't." Standing up with the man's liver in his hand, Internal brought the organ up to his mouth and dug his teeth into it, tearing a bite out and he easily chewed and swallowed the meat, he slammed the door open with his elbow and as the scents of outside filled both of their noises, in which Internal scowled and Drake was already mapping out their destination in his head, he started to walk in that very direction with Internal next to him, shoulder to shoulder. 10 minutes of undisturbed silence, Drake spoke up, "Should we talk about what got you so angry in there?" The question was brought up, Internal stopped himself in pre-bite and he lowered his hand, his eyes narrowed somewhat and they drifted to the side, and his cheeks sported a very light dusting of pink. He didn't want to admit it out loud, he wouldn't if Drake wasn't there to witness the whole thing. "What's there to talk about?" Internal was already sounding hostile and defensive, which his brother should have expected, that was never new. Drake placed a kind hand on his brother's shoulder, "Internal, I know you did it to protect Codec's honor, there's nothing wrong wit-" Internal snatched his shoulder away from his brother's grasp. He tossed the organ from before to the side and turned towards Drake with a rumbling growl, "You don't breathe a fuckin' word about what happened tonight to her, ya understand me?! So help me, Drake, I'll beat your face in so fuckin' deep, they're not even gonna be able to tell we're related anymore, ya got it?!" Drake's gaze and overall body language was unfaltering, he barely moved an inch at Internal's outburst and his ruby-red orbs bored right into Internal's matching ones. "I won't. Though you can't beat yourself if she asks you what happens, lie to her if you want, but she'll be touched by what you did." Drake was looking at Internal's back now as the feral vampire pressed onward towards their destination, the feral vampire paused mid-step and truly thought it over. Could he tell her? He could tell her what he did and leave it at that, it probably wouldn't go to anything else, anyway. If anything, he was going to get a teasing from Codec about him being 'a big softie' around her. "...fine, whatever. Can we get there already?" Nodding, Drake used his unnatural speed to appear right next to his brother again, he read Internal like a book, he knew he wasn't used to these feelings, let alone towards a human, something that Internal despised with a burning passion ever since the attack but Codec was different for him. He's caught Internal smiling around her, yes they teased each other and butted heads, but it had a playful twist to it, for God's sake, Codec's poked Internal's nose when he was right up in her face with his fangs bared at full extension, it was different. Drake wasn't used to it and he knew for sure Internal wasn't. Their walk back towards the hotel they were staying at with Codec remained silent the entire time back, Drake's eyes were fixated forward for the most part but he couldn't help but take the occasional glance over towards Internal, he was staring directly at the ground, his arms were crossed firmly over his chest, even his claws were digging into the fabric of his jacket. He wanted to get to their room and relax, blow off steam, even if that might take the rest of the night and a midnight hunt to do so. "Here," When they were standing at the doors of the hotel, Drake pulled out a handkerchief from his front pocket, "Wipe your face, and hands, good thing you didn't get it on your clothes...this time." Internal gripped the rag and yanked it from Drake's grip and he did just that, he cleaned his hands off and then his mouth, the red liquid stained the white fabric a reddish-pink color. Without saying anything else after, Internal tossed the cloth back to his brother who caught with ease, balling it up, he slipped it into his slacks' pocket. "Can I go in now or do I have to fuckin' dress like ya too?" The feral vampire spat, earning an eye roll from Drake who went up to the double glass doors and he took hold of one of the handles. "No, but you could have manners," he pulled the door open and motioned to go inside with his free hand. "You could say thank you for this."

Even the elevator ride up to the suite was quiet, and again, Drake was looking forward and Internal's eyes were locked onto the carpeted flooring of the elevator. When the two metal doors squeaked open, Internal took a firm grip on one of Drake's arms which instantly caught the attention of the eldest brother. "Remember. Not a fuckin' word." The feral vampire's fangs bared ever so slightly but his mouth closed again when Drake put his open hand up in defense. "I promise, not a word, Internal, I won't say anything to her." Drake fixed his sleeve after Internal let him go, he did the same with his tie and his lapel to his liking. "If she asks you, you get yourself out of it, you either tell her or lie, whichever." Walking out first, Drake pulled out their room key from one of his inner suit pockets and the two approached the corresponding suite. Sliding it into the electrical lock, Internal impatiently shoved the door open, and walked in, "Hey there you guys are, how'd the meeting go?" Codec, pulling herself out of maintenance on her robotic arm, she watched Internal go to the main bedroom of the suite. "It went fine," Internal muttered too quickly for her liking, and she especially knew something was up when Internal went into the bedroom, took a hold of the tinted sliding glass door that separated the living room and the bedroom, and slammed it shut so hard, the door shook. Blinking rather confused, it even showed on her helmet, Codec faced Drake. "What the Hell happened? I said one thing and he's pissed off already!" Codec stood up from the couch, "I can't...exactly tell you, Codec," Drake saw Codec cross her arms, which easily meant she wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Drake, what happened? Seriously, I know he can be a real hot head but usually, he screams at us, and then he's fine, this is different! What's going on?" Codec couldn't hide it, but there was worry evident in her voice, she cared about Internal a lot; she would never admit that aloud and could never bring herself to do that, she was far too stubborn for that and she even knew that. With a sigh, Drake raked his fingers through his messy hair and took one more look over at the shut door with the frosted glass, then he looked back at Codec. "I promised him, but, I know him. He was truly bothered by what happened with the contact today. That man said some less than...appropiate things about-" "Blood?" "You." That certainly caught Codec off guard, "What? Oh God, I don't even wanna know but, what did he say?" She couldn't help herself but turn her head towards the door once more, she could see Internal's infuriated silhouette grabbing what appeared to be a pillow or blanket off of the bed and he threw it against the wall. "He said sexual things, disgusting things about taking you and making you feel good," she practically gagged at those words, she certainly looked disgusted. "However, Internal...snapped. He lunged at the human and killed him on the spot, he fed, of course, but he did it out of your honor, you weren't there to protect yourself and Internal wasn't having it." Codec's eyes gradually widened with surprise at Drake's retelling of the night's earlier events, she was used to Internal being violent but she was surprised by this, and touched, this was so out of character for him. Not the violent stuff, of course, but the whole thing of just protecting her name when she wasn't even there. "Should I, um, should I talk to him?" She was glad that her helmet was covering it, but her face was extremely red, the thought of Internal protecting her was definitely on her mind, she couldn't get it out of it, "I think you should, calm him down, it's the easiest thing for you to do when he's like this, just, be careful is all." Receiving a smile from Drake, Codec returned it with her small one, and the eldest vampire went over towards the couch and took a seat in the middle, crossing one leg over the other as he finally started to relax. Codec, with little hesitance, went up to the glass door, she gazed inward and saw the shadow of Internal's form sitting on the bed, hunched forward, he was probably steaming still but luckily he was sitting down now so he couldn't cause too much damage at the moment. She wrapped her hand around the handle and inhaled deeply. She held it for just a moment or two before breathing out through her mouth and she pushed the door open, "Internal?" She spoke up softly, stepping through the open door, she let it slide carefully and quietly behind her, now it was just the two of them. Internal knew she was in there now but he didn't look at her yet, he was leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together in front of him, his coat and undercoat was stripped off of him so it left a tank-top, his jeans, and boots, it looked like he tried to get comfortable but was still too angry to do so. "Vallen?" When Internal heard his real name flow from Codec's lips with that soft tone to it, that's when his eyes finally decided to slowly drift over towards her. "He told you, didn't he?"

When Internal read Codec's mind, she made her way to his side and she sat down next to him, her hands resting on her lap. "Yeah, yeah he did," that blush was coming back to his cheeks and it felt so odd to him, he wasn't used to the feelings and thoughts that he got whenever she was around, he acted differently around her, the teasing and usually vile words were playful, like flirting. God, he was even more handsy with her, like he'd push her helmet down her head further whenever he was done with her teasing, or whenever she won a round of them going back and forth and she was the same way, being handsy with him, hers usually included taking his coat from him when he least expected it, Hell, she's even gotten him to purr and he hasn't done that in a LONG time. It would make sense why he defended her, even if the feral vampire would deny it. He was just as stubborn as she was. "So, what about it?" He didn't mean for it to sound as mean as it was, but he was getting defensive all over again and he was going to move but Codec placed her hand on his upper arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "First off, I wanna say thank you. I wasn't even there and you killed some asshole for me, I-thank you," she smiled up at Internal and the sight of Codec's face flushed with a smile made her look so precious in his eyes, it made his blush worsen. "Yeah, yeah, so fuckin' what?!" He grumbled, and then she giggled, and that made his face catch on fire. "You are a softie aren't you?~ But, seriously, Vallen, I appreciate what you did for me," Internal had to process what was happening, she felt like she had moved closer to him, her hand had moved down to his forearm and was holding it tenderly, "You didn't have to do it, you know? He was just some dirtbag who-" Internal stood up abruptly, "Are ya kiddin' me, Codec? Yes, I fuckin' did! The shit that, that fucker said, it was fuckin' disgustin'! And ya weren't there to stop it yourself, so I fuckin' killed him and fed!" Internal was pacing back and forth in front of Codec, he was pissed just picturing how scummy and shallow that guy looked, a copy cat in the undercity, if anyone else thought like that about her, he was going to feed a lot there. "Ya deserve better than some fucker who doesn't even deserve to mention ya talkin' about ya like that, okay?" The feral vampire's gaze fixated on the ground again, his face, even the tips of his good and torn ears were a blazing red too, "Vallen..." Codec was, beyond touched, she felt like she lost her voice, she heard her heart pounding away in her ears, she didn't expect Internal to ever talk like this to her, but she, she loved it, it made her eyes go wide and her face turn as red as his. "So, yeah, there ya go." He was about to sit down, but Codec's metallic hand going up to his chest paused his motions and he watched as she stood up from her seated position, her hands went up to her helmet, the digital eyes on the glass visor of it turned off when she slipped the helmet off of her head and she used a hand to fluff up some of her lilac-colored hair. She gazed up at him and her eyes locked onto his despite the uneven scar the took up the entire upper half of her face and Internal smiled, it was a real one, he never thought she looked bad or ugly whenever she had her helmet off, he truly loved seeing her without her helmet on, it was such a nice change from her wearing it pretty much 24/7 out of her insecurities that he wished she didn't have. "I'm being serious, I'm not trying to get under your skin or some shit like that I'm, I'm thankful for that."

It was like the rest of the world just faded away to Internal and he was sure the same happened for Codec, her pouring her heart like that out to him after his little outburst. All he could hear is his heartbeat pounding steadily away in his ears and how tuned his advanced hearing was, he could take in Codec's too and hers was just as bad as his. Both sets of eyes were darting around the room to try and focus on something else other than the person right in front them, the room was drenched with silence so thickly, nobody knew what to say right now and neither one of them dared to look at the other person, but after numerous failed attempts from both sides, Internal's ruby red orbs bored right into Codec's bright blue ones, his next action surprised himself. It was like he blacked out, but when he came to his senses, his arms were wrapped around Codec and she was held tight and close to his chest, there was a feeling of protectiveness in his embrace, how tight he was holding her. It was like he never wanted to let her go, he was even growling lightly to himself at the utter thought of what that guy would have done if Codec did show up to the meeting with them. If she did, and that guy had tried anything or even made a move closer to her, he would have killed him sooner and slower, to make him feel every single claw dig and rip through his flesh. "Vallen?" Codec's voice had a slight stutter like she was nervous to get her next words out and hearing that made Internal's voice do the same, "Yeah?" He wasn't sure where this was going to go next but how she was leaned against his chest and he could feel her hands moving from his back to his sides and waist, he had a feeling and he wanted it more than anything else in the world right now because nothing else mattered other than her and him in the same room. Her human and cybernetic hands maneuvered themselves from his sides to his chest, she grabbed at the fabric of his tank top, right at the dipped hem of it. "Come here, you dork~" Taking a firm grip of his tank top's hem, she pulled him down to her level, her lips collided against his in a passionate kiss, drawing a surprised but muffled grunt from Internal in the process. His eyes were wide as saucers, at the action out of nowhere, he's probably only ever daydreamt about this, he never expected it to happen, but it took a few moments and his eyes drifted, and they shut tight. He leaned into the kiss further, almost knocking Codec off of her feet if it weren't for one of his arms being thrown around her waist and keeping her held close to him. Their hands grasped at each other's bodies, Codec's had reached up behind Internal's head and she threaded her fingers through his dark red tresses took a handful of them, the other gripped at his shoulder, her digits digging into his skin ever so slightly. Internal's hands took almost selfish handfuls of her hips and backside, he felt her body fill his palms perfectly and he squeezed where his hands were positioned at, making her gasp out in between their tongues sliding and pressing against one another, allowing the feral vampire to lean forward and practically shove his tongue deep within her mouth, eliciting a breathless, muffled moan from her.

Exploring Codec's mouth with his tongue with such a burning desire, their teeth clashed together during the restless lip-lock, her hand at his head gripped and pulled somewhat on his hair, pulling a deep, suppressed growl from that was so sensual, it rocked through her whole body and made her tremble. Her thighs pressed up together and Internal took notice of it. Slowly retracting his longer than human tongue from her mouth, there was a thin line of saliva that stretched in between their open, panting mouths and it broke when he licked his lips. Hurriedly, he slid his arms down from her waist and placed his hands on the undersides of her thighs, easily hoisting her up and taking just a few steps, he carefully and gently, of course, threw her onto the bed. "Hmf-! How do I weigh like nothing to-" Codec's words were abruptly taken from her mouth at the tantalizing sight of Internal stripping his tank-top off himself and she got a full show of his toned torso on display, how scars were dusted here and there on both his front and back, her thoughts were screaming at her to just touch him already, more than she already was. "Because ya don't," Internal shot back with a chuckle, tossing the black tank-top away to the side since was it unnecessary at the moment and he climbed onto the bed, hovering above her, his hands planted on the bed at her sides and he grinned down at her, showing those dangerously sharp teeth of his. "And don't act like I didn't see ya gawkin' at me just a second ago~" He purred, "S-Shut up!" She turned her head to the side as an attempt to hide her flushed face, crossing her arms below her bust, but as she laid her head to the right, she revealed her neck as a price, and Internal saw the exposed area. With a soft chuckle, he leaned down and licked a long stripe up her neck from her collarbone to her jaw, drawing a shivering moan from her mouth, her hands also shot back up to his shoulders and back, gripping and holding onto him however she could. He locked his lips onto a certain spot, sucking at the small area and he ran his tongue over it numerous times too, he was so tempted to bite, his teeth were even grazing her skin. "A-Are you, hnh, gonna bite me?~" She breathed out, "Pull me closer I just might~" He responded, almost in a challenging way, his eyes even met hers again to further press it. Going over the dare put in front of her, she guided her hand back up to his head and pushed him more into her neck, he wasn't expecting that, but he wasn't complaining either. Leaning back up, he grinned, brandishing those fangs of his, even more so by running his tongue across the white, smooth surface and the sight of it practically set her face ablaze.

"Okay, well first, these are coming off~" Internal, initially, reached towards her to strip her of her clothes but she lightly batted them away, "Ah, ah, you're gonna rip them, you," she poked the tip of his nose, "feral cat," he narrowed his eyes after rolling them, but he listened to her wishes, albeit he was getting extremely impatient when he sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey I didn't rip my top, did I?!" Codec playfully stuck her tongue out at him, proceeding to strip herself right in front of her after her bit of taunting. Internal couldn't help but watch, his eyes were drinking up the sight of her body becoming more and more exposed, her breasts gently falling into place when her shirt came off, she unbuckled her belt and slipped it from her waist, and then her shorts were slid off next. It wasn't too long before she was completely nude in front of him, he saw her robotic leg and arm were connected to her human body, it was honestly a flawless connection, how smooth the rest of her looked to the touch, he was aching to touch her already and while he was sitting there, he could sense her self consciousness, how an arm was draped over her bosom, her thighs were pressed somewhat together and her other arm was across her stomach like she was hugging herself. "Oh no," Internal growled, moving his hand quicker than her eyes could pick up, he gathered her wrists together in it, he pinned her arms above her head, his free hand pressed against the mattress as like before, "Yer not hidin' anything from me. Yer fuckin' beautiful, I hope ya know that, and if ya think I give a shit about any marks or anythin' like that, yer fuckin' wrong," She felt her heart get filled with love all over again, her face was just on fire, it certainly felt like it, she truly didn't expect him to ever speak like that to her but how touched she was just tripled from the amount before. "Aren't you a flatterer?~ That means a lot though, Vallen, thank you~" Leaning up, only a little though given her pinned position, he saw her attempt to come closer to him, so he leaned down to meet her in the middle, she, at first, pecked the tip of his nose. She giggled and he chuckled before the two of them met in a kiss again, their mouths sliding against another, his tongue swiped across Codec's bottom lip, and with little to no hesitation, her mouth opened and his tongue returned to her mouth, slipping around and grinding up against hers. His grip on her wrists loosened until she was freed again, her arms hooked around his neck, and his hand from her wrists traveled downward from above her, to her shoulder, and then to her chest where he cupped one of her breasts, his tuned ears easily picking up a mute moan from her mouth. He kneaded her breast, squeezing gently and rubbing the mound in a slow, tender, circling motion, he could feel her nipple hardening against his palm, so he focused on that now, of course. Lifting his hand, he caught her nipple in between his index finger and thumb, pinching the hardened nub and he rolled it carefully, even pulling on it too. He could feel her body twitching, moan after moan that emitted from her just got swallowed in their mouths.

Breaking the kiss off for, Codec's face was flushed a bright red, her eyes were closed, her head was tossed to the side and buried in the pillows while she steadily panted, her hands moving from his back and down to his biceps where she gripped him, "Ya like it when I focus on these, huh?~" He purred, giving her breast a gentle squeeze to signal what he meant. He watched her nod, and when he saw that, he adjusted himself. Putting himself in between her legs with his crotch pressed right up against hers, he used his free hand at first to hike her legs around his waist and he let her tighten them around him, to hold onto him as tight as she wanted. Leaning down, his tongue flicked across one of her nipples, and she gasped out lightly at the feel of the wetness going across her like that. Opening his mouth, he took the nub into his mouth and started to suck on it, his teeth grazing over the risen flesh while his free hand held and tenderly rubbed and kneaded her other breast, he hummed against her skin, sending jolt after jolt of pleasure through her too. All Codec could do was just lay back and enjoy, her fingers were threaded in his hair again, gripping it, her free hand took a handful of the sheet they were laying on, her pants were getting quite breathless, "Ahhnn~ Vallen, tha-that's so good~ Mmmnnhff~" She gasped out, much to his pleasure, her voice was addicting so covered in pleasure and want, his own was practically filled with a natural, feral lust, only for her and her alone, he was purring, loudly, his voice had growls whenever he spoke. He kept her nipple in his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue across it over and over again, he even carefully pulled it with his teeth before letting it go with a breathless huff, his eyes cascading back upwards towards her flustered, red face, "Good~ I want it to be~" He opened his mouth and was in the process of leaning towards her other breast but Codec's hand cupping his cheek stopped him and his eyes instantly flicked back upwards towards her, he could see a glint in her eyes like she had a plan and determined as all Hell to carry it out. "As, whew, as much as I want you to keep going with this, I think it's about your turn to get something, hmm?~"

It took them rearranging their position for Internal to realize just what Codec had planned, he was leaned back against the numerous pillows on the bed, he still had his jeans on from earlier before, however, that look was still ever present in her eyes and now it was his turn to turn as red as all Hell, and he silently cursed to himself since his pointed ears, both torn and normal, were turning red too. Pressing a quick peck to his lips, Codec started to move down his body, her hands on his torso and caressing him the journey downwards until she was at his belt, "I think you might be getting redder than me, Vallen~" She teased, earning a growl deep from Internal's gut, "No one's done this to me before, alright?!" He shot back, making Codec giggle, "I can tell since your jeans are looking pretty tight down here~" She cooed, her hands went up to his belt buckle and she started to undo the metal loop, unbuckling it and after that, she unthreaded it from the loops of his jeans, tossing it to the side with the rest of the discarded clothes. She unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped them too, letting her fingers hook around the edges of both his underwear and jeans, she pulled them both down at the same time and let out a soft gasp to herself when Internal's cock sprung out of the prison that was his underwear and stood straight up at attention. She gazed at him, gulping to herself, out of her excitement and also on the fact that he was bigger than she's imagined before, not that she was complaining though. "Yeah, yeah, ya did this to me~" He chuckled, he sucked in a soft breath when her robotic hand wrapped around his length, the metal was a cold contrast again how warm he was down there. "Did I?~ Well I should take care of it, shouldn't I?~" Allowing her hand to glide downward, she tenderly held his cock by the base, squeezing it gently and she licked her lips too, probably hinting to him what she was going to do next. Leaning her body forward, she pressed her tongue flatly against his cock and she dragged her tongue up from the base, taking her time on his shaft so that she licked the entire length of it, ending her long lick at the head which she promptly pressed a kiss to it. Internal's eyes rolled back and closed while letting out a long, low groan, his claws had unsheathed and were currently digging into the sheet and the mattress slightly with how tight he was gripping. Gauging his reaction, Codec giggled, craning her head forward, she wrapped her lips around the head of his cock, starting suck on it whilst her tongue flicked across it too and as she did this, her hand steadily pumped what wasn't in her mouth yet. He groaned, sitting up again to stare at how she worked her mouth around him, feeling her mouth open up wider, she started to slide more of his cock deeper into her mouth, feeling the head of it press against the back of her throat is when she gagged lightly, knowing that's how much she could take. "Ghhnhfm~ MMmmhhffnh~" She moaned out around him, sending pleasurable waves up and down his body. She started to bob her head up and down as she sucked, her tongue swirling around his shaft buried in her mouth and her hand continued to pump what wasn't in her mouth, her other hand squeezed at his inner thigh, feeling his body trembling with the gasps and low groans that breathily escaped his mouth. "Fuck~ Hnnh~ Nnhg~ Yer, hah, really fuckin' good at this, Codec~" He whispered, his shut eyes were twitching before he finally pried them open to take in the sight of Codec's mouth wrapped around him, smudged and streaked remnants of her purple lipstick painted his cock, her eyes fluttered and landed onto his and made such a deep eye contact with him, it felt like it wasn't going to break. She took in just how cute he looked, his entire face was flushed, his eyes struggled to even stay open a little and if he wasn't letting out breathless groans, he would chew at his bottom lip to bite back any noise that attempted to seep through his lips.

Codec lifted her head off of his cock, she panted out heavily to catch her breath, her tongue was even hanging out of her mouth. She gazed at Internal again who was recovering from her mouth being pried away from him, his body was heaving with his panting, his defined, scarred body was coated in a thin sheen of sweat and he even had brushed his messy hair back and away from his face. With how he was twitching, that certain gaze in his eyes, and how he was panting open-mouthed with his fangs on display, he was close. "You, hah, whew, mmhf, taste good, Vall-oh!~" She had to remind herself about the vampires' unnatural speed since, in a blink of an eye, he was on top of her again, his body wantonly pressed up against hers. "I don't think, haah, ahhn, I can take too much anymore, Codec~ I have got to be inside of ya already~" There was a degree of need in his voice when he murmured that out, "Trust me, I'm, hnn, the same~ I want you, Vallen, please~" She pulled him down to her level again, her mouth right next to his ear, "I need you~" She pleaded. Letting their foreheads press together, Internal let one of his hands roam downwards and he grasped his cock by the base, letting his hips adjust and when he did, the head of his cock pressed against her slick, dripping slit, drawing a soft, sharp gasp from her. He dragged it up and down her folds, beginning to drench himself with her wetness, and when he was slick enough, he lined his cock up to her and moved his hips forward, sinking himself deep inside of her pussy and she wrapped around him tighter than he expected, but he adored it. Codec moaned out rather loudly, her hands shooting to the sheet and she took fistfuls of it while her back arched off of the mattress, "H-Haah!~" When he was buried inside of her, he let out a low, animal-like growl at the relief rushing over him at being inside of her already. "Fuck~" He drew the swear out, "Yer tight~" He husked out, he didn't move quite yet, he wanted the okay from her more than anything. He wanted her to love this. "Y-You're, hah, hnnh, oh~ Bigger than I thought~" She whimpered out, she could feel Internal's eyes fixated on her, they didn't break from her body jolting with enjoyment. It took a few moments to a minute and then she gave him the nod for him to begin moving. He pulled out of her almost all of the way, only to snap his hips forward again, his hands went back to gripping the mattress after wrapping her legs around his waist all over again and he started to steadily pound and thrust his hips downwards into hers, Internal's eyes were screwed shut, he was leaned over her and his head hung some while he kept up this steady pace of his hips while Codec gripped and grasped at his body, her hands were gripping and grasping desperately at his back and his shoulders, her heels dug into his hips as they slammed into hers. The sounds of his waist slapping up against hers filled her ears and the room, "Oh, fuck, unhnf~ Unhf~ Ya like that?~ Tell me, I wanna hear that, mmffhh, pretty voice of yers, Codec~" He growled, he glanced downward at the sight of his cock pumping in and out of her, how it disappeared inside of her over and over again at quite the fast pace. He instantly snapped his eyes back onto her face when Codec, attempted, to speak up again. "I-fuck!~ I love it~ Please don't stop, Vallen, please~ Please don't~" His ears flicked, he wasn't expecting her to beg but allowing a grin to dance onto his lips, he pressed his body up against hers again and it let him rock and slam his hips down into hers faster and harder than previously.

Their bodies pressed against one another in a heated embrace, the headboard to the bed was knocking against the wall it was pressed up against, most definitely alerting anyone in the room next to theirs about what they were doing. Internal reached down again, and he hurriedly collected both of Codec's wrists again and he pinned her arms above her head again, his free hand roamed up her rocking body, pausing a moment at her breasts to cup one and knead one tenderly before letting his hand continue until it made it to its destination, her neck. He wrapped his hand around her neck, he wasn't choking her of course, but he had a tender, loving hold on it as he kept her pinned like that, much to her approval, "Vallen~ Vallen~ MMhff!~ Ahn!~ Oh!~ L-Like that~ Just like that~ Oh please don't stop~ Please~" She whispered breathlessly, "God, I can, fuck I'm gonna come soon~" He leaned down, his forehead pressing against hers, "I plan on fillin' ya up to the fuckin' brim~ I want my cum drippin' from ya~" He grunted, the thought of that alone fueled him to do just that, and judging from Codec's numerous, begging nods, she wanted that too. Internal's pants were getting heavier, his thrusts turned needier, more desperate, and his pace that he had set prior was getting lost from him. His hips collided with hers erratically, "F-Fuck I'm gettin' close~" He rasped out, "M-Me, hah, anh, oh, me too!~ Fuck!~ V-Vallen-!~" Codec's gripped him tightly, her fingers dug into his and her thighs tightened around her waist, effectively trapping him and with one more strong, fast pound from Internal, she came, that coil that tightened in her abdomen snapped and released. Throwing her head back against the pillows and letting out a loud moan open into the room, she tightened around him, hugging him, and with how warm, wet, and velvety her slick walls felt around his cock, he wasn't that far behind her. He released her, both her neck and her wrists to get a firm hold of the sheets and his claws dug into them so far that when he was pushed over the edge, he tore slashes not only into the sheets but also into the mattress itself. He buried his cock deep inside of her, his teeth bared and he let out a roar almost of just pure feral pleasure, his orgasm hit him hard, it felt like wave after wave of fire rushing over his body, his hips jerking forward with every pump of this thick seed shooting and spilling inside of her, his hips planted firmly against her, his cock hilted inside and his plan of just filling her up all of the way didn't change at all. When he was done with his orgasm, he had to pull his claws out of the fabric of the bed, his cock slid back out of her and he fell limp down beside her, he was panting out loudly alongside her, he felt sweat accumulated all over his body, especially on his forehead and on his back but the bed was handling that right now. Codec shuddered, feeling Internal's cum eagerly drip out of her slit and onto the bed, she could barely move, a lot like him, but neither one of them was complaining. The scent of sex was strong in the room, there were feathers from the pillows and torn fabric evident on his side and when he caught his breath, enough, not fully, but enough to speak up, he glanced over at her in the corner of his eye.

"So, ya are a bottom, huh?~" "...You're so fucking lucky I love you~" "Hehe, love ya too~"

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem!reader, part 10.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: x

Warnings: Fight Club! Wohoo, here we fucking gooo.

Word Count: 2.1 K

Read the rest here, babe:  PART 1  PART 2  PART 3  PART 4  PART 5  PART 6  PART 7  PART 8  PART 9

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers

Sometimes all you need in your life is some silence and calm time to think everything through. It’s not like you try to reach some nirvana or shit, but you need to think. Sometimes a thing happens that totally fucks up your perception of reality and you just cut yourself off from the outside world.

You want to just ride to the school on a bike, listening to some music or the birds singing, to feel the wind in your hair and to escape the reality for a slight moment. And when it’s all said and done, you reach the solution you were searching for and your life just continues. Sometimes when your friends try to help you, they just make everything much, much worse than it was before. 

You couldn't just stand Rue's rambling about Fezco feeling terrible. She didn't shut up the whole time, so in the middle of the third paragraph and fourth sentence, you got up, pushed your tray to hers violently, rolling your eyes and taking the earbuds out of your bag, walking off the scene. You loved Rue and Jules like your sisters, but that shit was too much for you to handle at that moment. 

Naturally, you did not expect to find a friend in Kat Fernandez at that given moment. It did not matter she is a plus size girl - she had so much confidence that even the most popular girls were friends with her. 

She silently approached you when she took a notice that you're not talking with Rue for a week and when Ash told you that you’re not talking to Fezco either. You knew each other, but no as much to be called friends.

“Hey, bitch.” - She said loudly in front of your empty table at the cafeteria. You could hear her through the music playing in your earbuds - the entire cafeteria could hear her. 

“Hi, Kat?” - You asked her/greeted her. You took the earbuds out of your ears as she and her boyfriend, a slim boy who looked even more tired than Fezco, sat down next to you. - “Do you need my notes from biology or what?” 

“Oh, shut up. You're just looking down, bitch, I'm not going to let you sit alone. I’m not a bitch.” - Kat sighed dramatically and all of a sudden, Lexi sat beside you, then Cassie sat at your table as well and the last one to the freak show was Maddy, the mad queen herself.

Excuse you, since when were you friends with those popular girls? You didn't have a single fucking idea. But you were just scared at that moment to make a move against their invasion.

“We heard that shit went down between Fez and you, girl. I’m so sorry. You were as cute as me and Nate.” - Maddy took your hand to her palm, looking you in the eyes, swinging those fake lashes. One more swing and you were sure that they would fall fucking off. That day was too much for you. WHAT. THE. FUCK. - “How are you feeling, babe?” - She asked with too much affection in her voice. They were all fake as fuck. 

“I think I’m... Fine. How do you know that? And I didn’t break up with him, I just wanted some alone time.” - You carefully took the hand off Maddy’s palm, ready to run off with all of your food back to Rue and Jules. They were both watching you - Rue’s expression was similar to vomiting and Jules had a brain freeze.

“Oh, you know, the people tell and everybody just adds something to the story. I heard that you’re preggy.” - Kat answered while she was peeling her orange. 

“I heard that some of Fezco’s friends tried to cut your throat.” - Cassie added to the flame with a serious tone. 

“And I heard that he cheated on you with that ginger from senior year. Is it real?” - Maddy asked with her eyes popped the fuck out, you had a strong tendency to tell her that she should calm those fucking eyeballs down.

“None of these is fucking true. Not a shitty bit. Jesus.” - You sighed with a sour voice and for everything just getting better, Nate fucking Jacobs was heading to your table. You felt sick at that moment and your day was ruined. You could handle bullshit of those primadonnas, but you knew before he came to your table that Nate is too much of an asshole for you to handle. 

But you didn't know how much bullshit his manners will cause.

“And we meet again.” - Nate smiled at you while he leaned to kiss his girlfriend’s temple. Oh boy, you never got violent tendencies, but you would swear to fucking God that you are ready to punch him at any moment. 

“How pleasurable.” - You gritted, watching him down with a disgusted look.

“So you finally realized what’s good for you?” - Nate sighed and leaned to you. Oh, you were aware of what he is doing. That fucker was trying to make you feel small, to intimidate you because he was that big, strong boy and you were just a small girl. Too bad for him it didn't work. 

Also, was that fucker giving you proposals just in front of Maddy or not? You realized in the next minute - Maddy didn't know that you and Nate have already met. At Fezco’s shop. But Kat did. Aaand... She was talking to Ethan, so she did not hear anything that that piece of shit had said. 

How could two people be so lonely in a full cafeteria, sitting surrounded by many people? Was it even possible?

“I told you that Fezco is a zero who makes himself look better than he is. There are particularly... Better boys.” - He licked his lips slowly and you felt ready to vomit all over the table. And thank God for Rue at that moment.

"Hey Y/N." - Rue appeared behind Nate's back. - "Can I talk to ya? We... Ugh... Need to talk about dat... Thingy..." - She stuttered. You nodded with grace, grasping the food off the table, immediately running back to your beloved table. - "Okay, ya glad that I saved ya? And holy fuck man, what was he tryin' to do?"

"He's suggesting things. This was for the second time this happened. Fezco would have killed him on the spot." - You looked behind your back, still seeing Nate with his grinning face. At least he was looking into Maddy's face and his eyes were a small inch before being craved out of the eyeballs.

"Well fuck me, fuck ya and fuck Nate then. He heard it. Got him on da phone, so he heard all of da shit." - Rue gave you her hand over your shoulder. You opened your mouth with a scared face. Nathan was dead. - "Now I know why was so pissed."

"You were standing behind Nate the whole time? Jesus fucking Christ, Rue, use your brain sometimes." - You put your tray on the table and sat next to Jules. Jules smiled at you with love and smoothed your shoulder.

"Man, I can't choose when ma bros call me. And he was just checkin' dat ya safe." - Rue muttered when she made the pills into small pieces, mixing it into her yogurt again.

"I should really speak to him, shouldn't I?" - You asked silently, looking Rue to her eyes. She raised her eyebrows and watched you as if you were a dumb fuck.

You didn't even have to go for Fezco to his shop - he was just casually standing outside the school, watching the entrance, smoking a cigarette. He looked even more tired than he did ever before, he was out of his mind completely.

But his face softened when he saw you in your hoodie, just standing there and watching him. Your eyes started to water as you walked to him to hug him. You missed him so much - you missed his smile, his tired baby blue eyes, his scent, and his raspy voice. By the moment he hummed into your ear, you were already crying into the crook of his neck. How could you miss someone so fucking much?

"Are ya alright, baby girl?" - Fezco whispered after a few seconds. You nodded between the sobs. 

He was holding you like there was no tomorrow. He would never say that one person can make him feel as much as you did. Any drug has ever made him feel so alive as your presence did, the warmth in his heart basically every time you have touched him and the bliss when you kissed him. ANy drug was as addictive as you. 

You haven’t seen each other in two weeks. If you weren't in front of the other people, even he would most probably cry. And Fezco knew that he will cry, he had so many things to be sorry for. 

But then you felt him tense up. Nate has left the school, his hand hazily over Maddy’s shoulder. You could see Nathan’s face go a bit paler when he saw you with Fezco. 

“No, no, no, baby boy, no.” - You begged quietly, but it was for nothing. Fezco already made his decision. And if Nate wasn't able to accept it the nice way, he needed to understand in the worse way. That was just Nate's decision.

"We are havin' this conversation for the last fuckin' time, amigo. I tell ya. One more gross word on ma girl, one more look at her and you're fuckin' dead. I had enough of ya bullshit, dawg." - Fezco almost run into Nate and caught the hem of Nate's shirt, tearing him away from Maddy who screamed and jumped few feet to the side with her hands over her mouth and watched both of them with tears in her eyes.

"Do you even realize that all of those people can just tell that you were threating me? Or you're too dumb for this, you ugly fuck?" - And that was that. Nate fell on the ground when Fezco gave him a good hit to the jaw. Everyone was watching their fight. Nate was obviously winning over Fezco with his tall American football body.

But Fezco wasn't willing to give up that easily. He was fighting for your dignity and honor at the moment. Fezco couldn't just lose. In the end, they both stood three feet away from each other. Fez's white polo shirt was bloody as hell, his knuckles were violet and he couldn't open one of his eyes. And Nate didn't look any better. But you and Maddy were quick to stand between them.

"I told you that you shouldn't do that. He's going to the police and you'll end up in jail." - You whispered and took his face to your palm gently.

"What the fuck was that? Are you kidding me, Fezco? What the hell?!" - Maddy yelled at you and you wanted to tell her that you're sorry, but Fez was faster.

"Try to tell yo boy that he shouldn't try to get another girl's panties when he has a girl. Go on. This happened twice." - Fezco answered and spit our blood on the pavement. Maddy stood straight for a second before she turned to Nate, she started to scream in Spanish at him - she was talking about some sex tape and releasing it. You and Rue took Fezco to the car before the teachers could see anything before any trouble could start.

"How could ya be angry at that angel?" - Rue laughed our loud and shove a few strands of her hair behind her ear while she drove the car. Jules sat next to her and you were in the backseat with Fezco's head on your lap. He was watching you and his left eye was crying. You couldn't tell about the other one clearly. - "He just fought with Nate fucking Jacobs. For ya. You're hella lucky."

"And he almost got himself knocked out. But he's my brave warrior." - You ran yours over the short hair on his head. Yeah. You loved him. No matter if he was a dealer or not, you loved him. And he had no problem with fighting other guys just because of you.

So you didn't have any talk. You just... Accepted the fact of what source of his money was. Because that's what people who are completely blind with love do.

[imagineredwood]

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5    Part 6    Part 7    Part 8   Part 9       Part 10    Part 11  Part 12   Part 13   Part 14

Pairing: EZ Reyes x Camila (OC)

Warnings: Minimal Implied/alluded sexual content

Word count: 2.2k

***EZ likes being babied, try to convince me otherwise. Also, why is KJ so messy? What will Cam wear to Marcus’s vow renewal? How many cups of coffee do Camila and the Reyes family drink per day? Tune in next week to find out lmao***

“How are you doing, sweetheart?”

Camila smiled as she heard Mr. Salvatore’s voice speaking behind her. She turned away from the shelf she was stocking and took hold of the hand he was holding out to her.

“I’m great, Mr. Salvatore. How’ve you been? How did this last appointment go?”

The old man smiled against softly, leading her to the front desk by the hand. He released it when they got the and pointed to the seat beside the one he took a seat on. Camila sat with furrowed brows as she wondered what he was going to say. 

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, dear. My heart is getting worse the doctor says. He doesn’t think I should be working as much as I do, which I know you and Sandra are telling me all the time.”

He held his hands up as she gave a soft chuckle, Camila nodding so as to tell him I told you so.

“Anyway, I think I ought to listen. I decided that I’ll be cutting back some. Maybe come in a couple days out of the week. Most likely weekends. I don’t do much on the weekends anyhow, but I know you young kids like to go out and have fun on your weekends. I’ve spoken with Sandra and she agrees that you’ve been a tremendous help around here and we both trust you. The customers love you, you always make sure things are running smoothly even when it’s not your job. So, Sandra and I have decided that so long as you are ok with it and would enjoy the promotion, we think it would be a good choice to have you be the manager. We’ve never really had a manager before, me doing the main bulk of the managing and Sandra helping where needed. It’s always been more of a shared thing but now with me stepping back, Sandra and I agree that letting you step in would be in the best interest of all of us.”

Camila stared at her boss with wide eyes, both shocked and honored at the proposition. She shook her head, unable to find words and Mr. Salvatore grinned, reaching over to rest a hand on her shoulder.

“Take the next couple of days and think about it. I know you’ve gotten settled here so I think it’s safe to say that you’ll be sticking around. It’ll bring in some more money for you, help you save up for the future. Think about it and then let me know. No worries if you’d rather stay with things as they are.”

Camila took hold of the old man’s hands in hers, looking down at the contrast between the smooth, supple skin of hers and the wrinkled, thin skin of his. He was getting older and it was only fair for him to start taking it easy. She nodded and squeezed his hands gratefully, him returning the squeeze.

“I’ll think it over and get back to you.”

“We’ll be waiting, sweetheart.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Angel swallowed his mouthful of coffee, and tilted his head side to side, lips pursed.

“I think you should do it. It sounds like a good thing. Get you some extra cash, you get to move up the ladder. You’re smart, good at making decisions. I say you should do it.”

Camila nodded as she listened to Angel, him suddenly holding his hands up in defense.

“But if it turns out that you fuckin’ hate it, it’s not my fault. I’m just saying.”

Camila laughed and shook her head, Angel smiling himself as he watched some of the tension melt away from her shoulders. He knew she was nervous, apprehensive of what the change would mean, and he just wanted to help. She nodded softly, more to herself than to him and then leaned back in her chair, the air lighter now.

“So, how’ve you been? You cooking more now?”

Angel nodded and leaned forward on the table, arms crossed and elbows resting as he smiled.

“Yeah, I have. I made dinner a couple of times. I use EZ and Coco as the guinea pigs.”

They both laughed together and then a silence fell over them, both lost in their thoughts. The information Kevin had told Camila was weighing on her mind. She had recognized the woman whose name she now knew was Emily. First from the restaurant and then the bookstore. The time at the restaurant she knew that EZ had recognized her, remembered her, knew her. She had been able to see it in his eyes. Now finding out that she was his ex, it made sense why he had lied. Why would you want to bring up your ex on a date with a girl you were trying to get with? She wasn’t upset at EZ, she didn’t feel angry or betrayed. She felt confused. Emily simply being an ex of EZ’s wasn’t important to her, she was aware that there were women before her. Her issue stemmed from the fact that she couldn’t help but feel that Emily was more important than just an ex. Why would Kevin have bothered to give that shred of truth? It did nothing for Camila. He’d simply showed her the picture, told her that she used to be with EZ as high school sweethearts and wanted to know what Camila knew about her. She had ended it quickly, telling him that she knew nothing about the woman and to leave her alone. He had seemed a bit frustrated but left it at that, telling her to have a good day before he stalked off back to his truck and drove off.

Now she was thinking about telling Angel to see if he could shed some light on Kevin and exactly what he was trying to achieve. She could remember EZ telling her to keep it between them though and she stayed quiet, sparking the conversation back up on another topic.

“So EZ said to stop by the clubhouse tonight.”

Angel looked back up at Camila and smiled, nodding.

“Yeah. Nothing crazy, just some music, drinking, talking shit. The usual. You should definitely come.”

Camila agreed and smiled taking a sip of her coffee.

“I’ll be there.”

“Good. Then EZ can stop sulking around like a little puppy because he misses you.”

The two laughed, Camila giving a bashful smile.

“I miss him when he’s not around too.”

Angel made a show of fake gagging making Camila laugh, her landing a swat to his arm.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“It’s true. You two make me sick. I’m still waiting on that nephew though.”

Felipe’s shop was filled with their laughter and he smiled as he sliced some meat, simply listening to their banter. It was nice seeing Angel interact with her, having a friend that was a good influence, getting him to open up. He had retreated within himself some as a teenager, closing up even more after Marisol’s death. Felipe was happy that he had a female figure around now that he felt he could trust, almost like a big sister even though she was a good handful of years younger than him. Felipe was thankful for Camila and the difference she had made in their lives so far. He just hoped that it would last.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

 “Kevin stopped me again today.”

EZ’s hand that was resting on her thigh squeezed at her words, his jaw immediately tensing. Camila shook her head and rested her hand atop his.

“It’s ok. I didn’t tell you so you could get mad. I just know you said to always tell you when I see him.”

EZ nodded and tried to relax, his eyes locked on hers.

“What did he say? What did he want?”

She rubbed her hand on the back of his.

“He showed me a picture of Emily Thomas. He wanted to know what I knew about her.”

Whatever tension had left from EZ’s body came back full force and Camila winced.

“He told me that she was your ex. I told him that I didn’t even know that. I didn’t tell him anything, I told him to go away.”

EZ relaxed some and gave a heavy sigh, but she could still feel the anger and apprehension coming off on him and she squeezed his hand, drawing his attention toward her.

“I’m not mad. I just…want to know what’s going on. Why does Kevin care what I know? Why does he want me to know who your ex is?”

EZ could feel the tips of his ears getting red, pissed of beyond belief that KJ was once again, getting involved in his business and bringing Camila into something she shouldn’t be worried about. His father’s words rang in his ears and he while he had wanted to hold off for as long as possible, he was starting to see that, as always, Felipe had been right. If he didn’t start sharing more of the truth with her, it was going to push her away. That was the last thing he wanted.

“I…”

EZ trailed off, not sure how much he should tell her, Camila’s furrowed brows and worried eyes weren’t making him feel any better.

“I have some bad shit that has happened in my past, something that I’ve done…things that I’m not proud of. I didn’t mean to, but KJ is using that against me to make me…”

He huffed out a shaky breath and Camila hushed him, taking his head in her hands and bringing him to rest against her chest, EZ’s eyes clipping closed at the contact. He relaxed into her, arms wrapping around her waist as she held him to her, running her hand along the back of his head.

“It’s ok, baby. I understand. It’s ok.”

Camila could feel the tension slowly releasing from EZ’s body as he relaxed into her, her hands so warm as they held his head. EZ’s face was squished against her breast and he found himself both shocked and confused at how understanding she was being, how patient she was being and how she was trusting him. Sure, he hadn’t given the full details, about accidentally shooting the cop or that he had taken a deal, but Camila understood the basics anyway. That he had made a huge mistake and now that mistake was being used against him to use him for something greater. The new bit in information made Camila angry, knowing that someone as sweet as EZ was being used by a system that was put in place to try and protect people. She understood then why EZ was so secretive, why Kevin was trying in vain to make EZ look bad, in hopes that she would turn. It wasn’t going to work though, Camila’s loyalty to EZ and his family grew day by day.

Camila leaned back on EZ’s couch some, still holding him to her and went with her, his body resting atop hers. She pulled at the leather of his kutte and she arched his arms back, letting her pull it from his frame and toss it onto the tabletop. Her hands made their way back to him, one on the back of his head again, the other on his back, running up and down. He groaned as she scratched every now and then through his white tee, his head comfortable on her breasts as he held her. There was nothing sexual, nothing raunchy running through his head as it had so many times before when he was this close to her. Now all he felt was comfort. He felt safe and relaxed like there was a weight lifted when she was holding him like this. It wasn’t often that he let people look after him, so used to doing it for others. Between the years he was down and then now being a prospect, being dotted on wasn’t something he was used to, and he’d have been lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. He closed his eyes and snuggled into her chest further.

“You have what you’re wearing to El Padrino’s event?”

He felt Camila nod, her nurturing hands still holding him.

“I have three outfits picked out, I figured I’d let you decide for me.”

EZ nodded against her and lifted his head up some, locking eyes with her.

“I’ll pick one of them tomorrow.”

Camila smiled and EZ did too, loving to see how her face lit up whenever she did. He sat up some and pressed his lips to hers, that soft laugh that he had come to love sounding from her. His eyes bore into hers and slowly her smile slipped away as she saw the intensity of his gaze.

“Te amo, Camila.”

Her smile came back almost instantly then, and she leaned forward to rub the tip of her nose against his.

“Te amo, Ezekiel.”

He shuddered softly and gave a breathless laugh.

“It’s embarrassing how it makes me feel when you say my name like that.”

Camila shook her head and tapped his chest with her finger.

“It’s not embarrassing to be loved.”

EZ kept his eyes trained on hers and then sat up, standing from the couch and holding his hand out to her.

“Let’s get you home.” 

Tag list: @caramara3   @lostgirl219​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​  @actuallyazriel​  @vannabanana1995​  @unnecessarypineapplesstuff @thegreat-annamaria​

[kpopsidiotspot]

Members of SEVENTEEN That I Could / Could Not Take in a Fight

i could absolutely pummel them:

WONWOO - he looks mean and intimidating, but i know he is hiding under all that. would i feel good about it?? no. that doesn’t change the fact i would have nO problem overpowering and winning that lil quarrel. then we could read a book and chill or sumn

HOSHI - i love this boy, so i would feel vEry bad about it in the moment and after. let’s be honest, he’s a softie unless he’s teaching a dance. this is a “greaser x soc” type of rumble so i could dance ciRCLES around him. in conclusion, hoshi don’t step up to me. 10/10 would hug and give plushies to after

MINGYU - he is almost a whole foot taller than me, bUT he’s a big baby. i would gain nothing from absolutely destroying this soft man, but for the honor i would. i would probably cry with him after the ruff and tumble and like buy him an ice cream

SEUNGKWAN - dO i need to explain?? we’re both soft, but he’s sOFTer. my friend said, “his 100% would be like anyone else’s average.” he would give his all and i salute that, but there can only be one winner. xoxo, gossip squirrel. still would sing him to sleep after

if they’re having a bad day:

S COUPS - listen, any other day he would destroy me, so i have to take my chance. of course, i would lovingly pummel him and then maybe make him a hot chocolate and put on netflix to make him feel better. honestly, the fight might not even happen cus it would be unfair, but i would shoot my shot @ it

JUN - another cutie patootie that i wouldn’t hesitate to gamble with. i would never have another chance like this, so i would hAve to take it. it most likely would end bad because even on his off days he could make a dumb face at me and i would mELT PEOPLE. throw me across the room with a high note would you??

VERNON - i’m a lil iffy on him because i feel like he cOULD get some good shots in, but ultimately would give up to just vibe. he’s be like “bro, i just came to chill” after we had already been rolling around for 10 minutes and i would completely agree. it’d end up with both of us devouring chipotle or some shit

if i’m having a bad day:

JOSHUA - any other time i think we would be evenly matched tbh. bUt, if for some reason i’m a lil off, he would take that chance. i would get a few good punches in, but ultimately he would come up victorious by like beating me with a bible. my only weakness :((

DK - we would fOR SURE be an even match every other day. i would be talking shit the day before and when the time finally come i would bitch our, but oH no!!! nOt hiM!! i would take that beating too because i deserve it. thank you dk

would beat the fuck outta me:

JEONGHAN - y’all already know this. he looks passive aggressive or full aggressive mOst of the time. he’s supes chill and stuff, but when the time comes no ma’am. he would literally rOck my shit bro. i would be down after one throw, one hair flip, one fuCKING GLARE. i don’t play, so i wouldn’t try. won’t happen again father jeonghan, i’m sorry

WOOZI - he looks small and cute, but he is full of absolute rAge dude. i would be the one to egg him on and he would unleash a fuckin kraken. we’re the same height, so he has good access to important and easily damageable parts of my body. i would never even attempt. thank you, good night

THE8 - he can do flips and shit i am nOt going to even joke around with this. he would end me before we even started fighting by insulting my lack of style and overall personality??? he would make me lose my shit and i sTILL would risk it all for him. he holds that kind of power. i only pray to minghao

DINO - highkey same thing as everyone else in this category. they look cute and fluffy, but they’re hiding a beAST under all of that. he could trick me by acting defenseless and giving me the upper hand and i would then wake up in a hospital not remembering anything from 5 years ago. no, no, no, i will not play with my life like that

thank you for coming to my tedxtalk. i will be hosting a cookout with all of the members to see if my predictions are true and you’re all invited. byom (bring your own medkit) 😌✨

[starker-stories]

An Accord (WIS), Chapter 10

Okay, let's try this again.

I posted this chapter Friday, like it was supposed to be, and then found an absolutely massive amount of serious mistakes. So I deleted it and spent the day fixing them.

So here's Chapter 10, take 2...

This fic is on a weekly update schedule. Every Friday.

Tumblr Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13 AO3 Chapter Links: ch1, ch2, ch3, ch4, ch5, ch6, ch7, ch8, ch9, ch10, ch11, ch12, ch13

Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyamory, Cheating, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Domestic Nightmare Tony Stark, Reconciliation, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, WinterIronSpider, Happy Ending, Clothed Sex, Domesticity, Peter Parker is legal age in the state of New York, College Student Peter Parker, Takes place about 2 years after Civil War. Closeted Character

Summary: “My boyfriends are super-villains,” Peter said giggling. “I’m the only pure innocent one in this place.”  ——————————————————————————————

Chapter 10: Brooklyn

“I hate being the only person in this house that gets hungry,” Peter said, breaking their post-kiss snuggling session.

Bucky laughed. “I’ll cook.”

“Menus. By. The fridge. I am not waiting for one of Pretty’s delicious, but time consuming, Depression meals.”

Bucky climbed out of bed and started pulling his shirt on.

Tony shrugged. “If you want,” he said, climbing out of bed and not bothering to put his clothes back on. Bucky didn’t either.

Peter pulled his jeans on. “Not all of us are exhibitionists, Tony.”

“My body is a fuckin’ gift and you are blessed to see it,” he answered as he headed to the kitchen. To get the menus.

Bucky raced past him for the bedroom door, poking him in the stomach as he passed. “My body is a fuckin’ gift. You need to work out with me.”

“I’m going on fifty,” Tony defended.

“I’m in my second century. I’m cooking. I can only eat so much Asian food and pizza in a month.”

“Don’t let the teenager order dinner. He refuses to let any restaurant that doesn’t normally deliver make an exception for the billionaire in the house.”

“It’s not fair,” Peter argued, speeding past both of them using his spider abilities. He settled on the kitchen stool, waiting to see who would get to the kitchen next: Tony to the menu drawer or Bucky to the stove.

“You are depriving whatever poor waiter Molly sticks with bringing me dinner of a ridiculously huge tip,” Tony said, tossing the menu for Marea on the counter. “Touch that stove, Bucky, and I swear…”

Bucky picked up the menu. “So what’s Molly’s Place have to offer?”

Tony sputtered. “I’d tell Michael what you said, but I value my permanent reservation at his restaurant too much. It’s Marea and it’s the best restaurant in the city.”

Bucky looked at the menu. “Billionaire, right?” he asked, grinning.

“Leave me a few pennies in the bank account,” Tony said.

“Il branzino, il caulini e l'antipasto, il di manzo.”

Tony’s eyebrows headed for the ceiling.

“I’m fluent in Italian, Spanish, Catalan, French, German, Finnish, Hungarian, Romanian, Czech, Serbian, Russian, Chechen, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, and Arabic. Oh yeah, and English. All accentless except for English. Now that I’m me again, I can’t get the Brooklyn out of it.”

Tony hooked his arm around Bucky’s neck and kissed him. “I can live with the Brooklyn,” he said, happy that Bucky wouldn’t ever speak unaccented English again.

“And I was impressed by your Italian, French, Spanish, Russian, and Chinese!” Peter said.

Bucky shrugged. “He wasn’t involved in the overthrow of as many governments as I was.”

Peter burst out laughing, then caught himself. “I shouldn’t find that funny, huh?”

Tony chuckled. “Yeah, Pete. It’s fuckin’ hilarious.” He winked at Bucky. “Maybe not as many, but it’s a non-zero number.”

“You’re both awful!” Peter said, a smile still on his lips. “Wait. You didn’t,” he asked Tony, more seriously.

“Sometimes privatizing world peace is a less than honorable pursuit. And do you think the same people are running Afghanistan as were before my visit there? Not an official government on that one, but it counts.”

“Sorry. That mess was my fault,” Bucky said sheepishly.

“I’m sure he did a lot for Russia there, Pretty, but not arm the damn Taliban. That would be Howard and then me after your dead twin brother put me in charge. So yeah, Pretty,” Tony smiled, “a non-zero number.”

“My boyfriends are super-villains,” Peter said giggling. “I’m the only pure innocent one in this place.”

“Why do you think we keep you around,” Tony said.

 “That’s why we keep you around,” Bucky said, almost in unison. They high-fived. And found their hands stuck together with webs.

“Where did you…” Tony said in shock.

Peter chuckled. “Bucky… how many guns do you have hidden in the penthouse?”

“A… lot,” Bucky said sheepishly.

“Tony,” Peter said in a sing-song. “How many of those bracelet thingys do you have laying around in case the micro-repeaters stop working?”

“Um… like he said.”

“Do you think I only have two webshooters?” Peter laughed.

“Get us out of this,” Tony said, irritatedly. “I have to call and order dinner.”

“I can do it.” Peter picked up a phone.

“I am not going to listen to you mangle the Italian language, kid. Get your super-villain boyfriends out of this. Or we’ll kidnap you and take you to our secret lair.”

“Wait,” Bucky said, “that sounds like fun.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Tony grinned.

“Yeah. It does,” Peter chimed in. “When I’m not fuckin’ starving! Karen, hit them with the dissolving fluid.” He aimed his hand at Bucky and Tony’s joined wrists.

Tony’s left eyebrow questioned him.

“Tony… of course I can move Karen to my webshooters like you move FRIDAY to your glasses. If you want your proprietary tech to stay proprietary, stop letting FRIDAY do everything for you.”

“He’s…?” Bucky started, incredulously.

“A genius? Yeah. Gonna put me out of a job. Give me the goddamn phone.”

“Nope,” Bucky made a grab for it. “I am not gonna listen to you mangle the Italian language.”

Which led to a string of cursing in said language as Peter facepalmed. “I am never going to eat.”

~~~~~

“That wasn’t Italian,” Bucky said as they finished dinner.

“Of course it was. I mean I am fond of Gargulio’s for old times sake, but Marea’s better.”

“Not the food,” Bucky said, making a dive for the last of the desert.

Tony laughed. “Not exactly Italian. But you didn’t speak it when you went to Gargulio’s did you?”

“Italian? Fuck, I could maybe manage proper English.”

“You would’ve heard the difference. It’s Napoletano. Like your English can’t lose Brooklyn? My Italian can’t lose Naples because I learned it from my mom.”

“She was actually from Italy?” Bucky said, still hesitant to bring up the subject.

Tony nodded. “She came here to go to university. An unexpected me put an end to it.”

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said quietly, looking down.

“Why? Did you kill her?” Tony asked.

“Yeah.”

“You gotta stop taking credit for his bullshit, Pretty.” Tony reached out and brushed Bucky’s hair back then lifted his chin, turning his face to him. “When those words were said, were you you?”

“I did it.”

“Not what I asked. Before 1945, would you have done that?”

“Never.”

“You didn’t kill her, Bucky.”

Tears welled in Bucky’s eyes. His jaw clenched as he tried to keep them back. Tony ran the backs of his knuckles lightly across his temple and his tears fell.

Tony scooted his chair next to Bucky’s. “You didn’t kill her.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the side of Bucky’s head. He closed his eyes and his own tears silently fell.

Peter watched the moment pass between them. Tony’s mom’s death was something that had weighed heavily on him his whole life. He was finally getting closure. How could he be jealous of that? They needed each other right then. Peter stood and both men looked at him. He walked around the table and put kisses on top of, first Tony’s, then Bucky’s heads. “Take Bucky to bed,” he said tenderly. “I’m gonna go study.”

“Baby,” Tony said, looking up. He pinched the bridge of his nose after sliding his fingers over his eyes to wipe the tears. “Do you mind?” he asked Peter quietly.

“Not even a little,” Peter said. “Take him to bed.” He paused and brushed his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

~~~~~

“C’mere, Pretty,” Tony said. Their tearful moment past, he felt playful. He turned Bucky and pushed his back gently against the closed door. He draped his arms around Bucky’s neck and chuckled. “Peter’s shorter than me.”

Bucky stood straighter.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Fine!” He pulled himself up on Bucky’s shoulders, stood on tiptoes, and kissed him.

“Not used to taller guys?” Bucky grinned.

“Not in awhile, no.”

“Problem?”

“You’re shorter than me laying down, Pretty,” Tony said with a smirk, standing flat on his feet. He dropped his voice to a whispered purr. “And when I’m on top of you.”

“Fuck,” Bucky said on a long breath.

“Problem?” Tony asked as he grabbed Bucky’s hands and led him to the bed. They rolled facing each other, Tony on his left side, Bucky on his right.

“I’m used to being the most charming, smug, and seductive one in the bedroom, that’s all,” Bucky said laughing.

Tony kissed the laugh off his lips. He brushed Bucky’s hair back. “I love that sound, Pretty.”

Bucky ducked his head, resting his forehead on Tony’s chest. Who was taller than him laying down. “You asked me something when we were all talking earlier.” He put a light kiss on the square inch of skin underneath his lips.

“Hmm? And?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I know, baby,” Tony said tenderly. He’d watched it happen, Bucky slowly fall in love. When he settled into it, it made Tony realize his own love. Feeling actual love for anyone was new, brought out by Peter. Feeling love for Bucky, just as deep but different and needing both, was entirely outside of his experience.

“Will Peter mind?”

“I’m pretty sure Peter already knows. He’s just scared because he’s younger.”

“You’re younger than me.”

“I mean, being an adult. He’s not, but he’s more than just a kid. I kinda toss an extra five years or so on him from the shit he’s been through.”

“About the same age I enlisted,” Bucky nodded. “That’s about how he feels.” He paused. “I love him, too.”

“I know that. And both of us love you. Not just because you give great head.”

“Tony,” he said in mock complaint.

“Most seductive and tallest,” he said, tilting Bucky’s face up for a kiss.

Bucky laughed. “And I thought you were tickling Peter when I heard you two laughi… Oh fuck… He can hear us!”

“Not yet, but I’m gonna fix that,” Tony purred. He ran his palm slowly down Bucky’s chest until he reached his waist. He stopped briefly at the button of his jeans before unfastening it.

It took some entirely unseductive wiggling around before they were both naked and in each other’s arms again. Bucky’s kisses were biting and hot. Tony’s were possessive and deep. Their hands clutched and pulled. It was very much closer, tighter, harder, now!

“I know you like riding me,” Tony said, struggling to catch his breath. “Do you like it on your back?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Bucky said, rather flatly.

“Not what I asked.” Tony rolled himself on top of Bucky. He reached his arms under Bucky’s shoulders and slid himself up along the man’s body. “Baby, that’s something you gotta get used to with me.”

“You talk too fuckin’ much during sex?”

“Okay, that’s two things you gotta get used to with me.”

“The leftovers of your fuckin’ Long Island accent make three?” Bucky grinned and bit again.

“All right, Brooklyn. Since you aren’t objecting…”

Tony found the lube under the pillow he always put it under and kissed Bucky through the awkwardness of doing so. One-handed he managed to squeeze enough of a dollop onto his hand to reach between them and stroke Bucky’s cock. He didn’t play, but directly went for things he’d discovered by rubbing him through his pants.

“Fuck,” Bucky panted, eyes wide at how fast he’d gotten so far.

Tony rubbed precome and lube over the head of Bucky’s cock. “Oh baby, that is… Fuck me, you’re gorgeous when you’re getting gone.”

“Getting? You’re gonna make me come.”

“I’m not gonna make you come before I’m ready to.” Tony took his hand off of Bucky’s cock, reached beneath his balls and slid his still-slick hand between his cheeks. The tip of his forefinger circled his rim and Bucky pushed down against it.

“Greedy,” Tony said, nipping his lip.

With only slightly less finesse than he’d done before — dammit! he and Peter were going to have to compare notes! — Tony coated his finger with lube and worked it inside of Bucky. “I’m not your fuckin’ child bride, Tony.”

“Ya ever think that I wanna do this because I…” Tony slipped another finger inside, “…like watching you?” He spread his fingers apart and slid his third in between them. “Fuck…” Tony moaned, watching the way Bucky moved when his fingers pressed up.

“What?” Bucky asked before he lost the ability to speak. From where he was lying… gasping… writhing… groaning… Tony wasn’t getting anything out of it.

“That, Pretty. That’s what I want. If I just want to get off, I can do that on my own.” Tony slid down a little which let his fingers push in deeper. They made Bucky gasp again. “This…” Tony breathed over his nipple before touching the tip of his tongue to it. Bucky’s breath caught. “…I only get with you.”

“From another person, you mean.”

Tony combined the movement of his fingers and the slow, wet drag of his lips across Bucky’s nipple. Bucky tried to move away from the overstimulation, but was held by Tony’s other hand on his shoulder. He could break free, easily, but he didn’t.

“I meant what I said, Bucky.” He dragged his open mouth down Bucky’s abs. The other man rolled his body up to meet his mouth. Kissing up the center of his body from his navel, Tony’s tongue swirled around the divot of his collarbone,

Bucky nearly came off the bed when Tony entered him. His back arched and Tony’s hands pulled him down, deeper onto his cock. He only thought about it after he’d cried out, but there was no way Peter didn’t hear that.

Tony pulled back with a long slow drag until he was almost entirely out of Bucky. Tony snapped his hips upward as he pushed hard and deep inside. Both hands on either side of Bucky’s head, his fingers tangled in his hair. He kissed him again, slow and soft, His thrusts were slow and long. He leaned up and whispered in Bucky’s ear. “I wanna learn you, Bucky.”

Bucky’s whimpers were nothing like Peter’s. Those were high, desperate, and pleading. Bucky’s broke into little short breaths, low and rising only at the very end. They started out demanding but Tony made them fall into begging.

Bucky groaned, his body broke out in a fine sweat, as Tony was managing to drive him fucking nuts with the way his thick cock scraped just the right way inside of him. Enough to get him hot but nothing more. Enough to make him need.

“Oh god!” Bucky cried out when Tony stopped playing and started fucking him hard. Not fast, but hard. He hadn’t realized that the two things could be separated. Bucky pushed down onto Tony’s cock. “Oh fuck Tony!” I didn’t…” His words were unintelligible. Broken on a rising moan. “That… could…” His attempt to make sense was lost to a loud cry. His cock dripped precome onto his belly.

“Around my waist now, baby,” Tony crooned and Bucky hooked his ankles across each other on Tony’s back. Tony stretched himself out over the taller man, pulling himself deeper as he slid up. Bucky’s heels dug in.

“Oh fuck, Pretty,” Tony moaned, his dark eyelashes fluttering. He snapped his hips sharply, seeking the depth that the new angle gave him. Tony reached up over Bucky’s right shoulder, and threaded his fingers into his long hair, holding his arm still, unable to move. But he said, “Hold me, baby.”

“Tony, no. I can hurt you.” Bucky realized that Tony meant for him to hold with his left arm.

He thrust in hard again. “Hold me, Bucky.” He kept Bucky’s right arm pinned with his elbow on the mattress under his arm, and Tony reaching up still into his hair.

Hesitantly, Bucky wrapped his left arm around Tony’s chest.

Tony kept a regular rhythm, deep and hard but not fast. He ached to go faster. Being inside Bucky was nothing like Peter. He knew Bucky could take it rougher. His body was used to responding to rougher. Tony hated knowing how that adaptation came about. He wasn’t going to blend himself into the body-memory that Bucky had of those times. So no matter how much his Pretty’s responses made him want to go faster, he stayed slow.

“Please…” Bucky moaned on a broken breath.

“Please what baby?”

“Faster. Please.”

“Mm hmm,” Tony purred as he dragged his lips, wet, open mouthed, across the stubble on Bucky’s sharply defined jaw. He went no faster.

“Tony,” Bucky drew out the name on a moan low in his throat.

“Mm hmm?” His thrusts were shallow, deep, and kept Bucky filled. The hand in Bucky’s hair lifted his head to where he could kiss him. It was Tony who bit, held Bucky’s lip in his teeth, and sucked. He nipped sharply and let go. As he did, the snap of his hips finally went faster. Tony felt the fingers of Bucky’s left hand dig into the muscle on his side. Then he heard the faint electromechanical whir of his arm’s strength being pulled back even as the man groaned, distracted with the pleasure of finally being fucked faster.

He released his hold on Bucky’s right arm and moved the man’s hand between them. He waited until Bucky wrapped it around his cock before he sucked his earlobe into his mouth. “Not yet,” he whispered.

Bucky’s eyes opened and he was about to say something when he saw Tony’s smirk. “Oh, fuck you,” he groaned.

Tony laughed softly. His words stuttered. “You can do it now… make yourself come… whenever you want. Or you can wait…” Tony’s smirk returned. “Gets better. Your… choice.”

“Fuckin’ hate you.” The whining moan Bucky made when Tony scraped his teeth along his neck and bit where it curved into his shoulder, proved his words a lie.

Bucky took his hand off of his cock entirely and out from between their bodies. He put it flat on the bed. “Now you have a lot to live up to,” Bucky said, Tony’s smirk transferring to his face.

Tony leaned back more on his knees and balanced his left arm near Bucky’s waist. “Gimme that hand,” he said, reaching behind himself, floundering around for Bucky’s left hand. He leaned forward, holding it by the wrist once he had it. He growled in Bucky’s ear. “I love you.”

Tony leaned back, pulling Bucky’s ass onto his haunches. When he rose up with his thighs, he fucked hard and deep. One hand was on his waist, urging him down to meet him. Bucky started pushing down to do that. Bucky was hot around him, the rocking movement and the man’s eagerness making him clench around Tony’s cock. Tony was groaning in pleasure, letting the powerful sensations distract him from the fear of what he was going to do. He took Bucky’s left hand and put it, flat palmed, on the center of his chest. The first test had been for Bucky. This one was for him. He was more deeply in love with Bucky than he wanted to admit. And Tony couldn’t love, not really love, without trust.

Bucky’s eyes went wide. He was going to object, but when he looked up at him; he saw Tony’s eyes tightly close. He watched as Tony pulled his lips into his mouth and bit them shut. He saw the wince of remembered pain and fear. He saw the struggle on the man’s face as the present warred with the past. He watched the two fight to reconcile. But Tony never moved Bucky’s hand away from the most vulnerable part of his body.

The man he’d betrayed so deeply, giving him that level of trust was unbelievable. “Oh Tony,” Bucky breathed out, overcome. He ground himself down on Tony’s cock, needing to be closer, and was rewarded with the man increasing his pace, pounding into him hard, but without anger or wanting to cause anything but pleasure. Bucky fell into babbling when Tony was at the height of his thrust and, more often than not, managed to hit his prostate. “Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck…”

Tony kept his eyes closed as his hand held the back of Bucky’s hand. Instead of the metal fingers curling around the edges of the arc reactor, trying to hurt him, Bucky touched with nothing but the flat of his palm. He moaned, raised himself up and held in deep, feeling Bucky surrounding him. Tony’s fear finally broke and he let go of Bucky’s hand.

He listened to Bucky panting, fast and shallow — catching, holding, shuddering, letting go. Small deep groans that ended on another caught breath. Bucky’s legs dropped from around his waist and he pushed up with his feet on the mattress, adding his force that of Tony’s as they fucked. Tony pushed himself deeper, ground their hips together, filling Bucky with his entire length. He opened his eyes and looked down.

“Oh Pretty,” he moaned at the sight.

Tony lost himself in those blue eyes, dark with desire, eyelashes fluttering until his eyes closed. Bucky’s lips parted with his ragged breathing — full and swollen, flushed bright pink, wet and shining.

Bucky’s scream was low and loud. His eyes flew open as, untouched, his orgasm tore through him.

“That’s it, Bucky. Come for me, baby. Oh god… oh fuck!”

Tony groaned as his breath held. Both breath and release escaped at the same time. As he shuddered as he came and fell atop Bucky. He draped his arms over his shoulders, under his neck, and held on as the quakes passed through him.

Bucky wrapped his arms around Tony’s chest. They held each other as gasps settled into slow panting and then as their breaths evened out. Yet once they had, they still didn’t let go.

Tony took Bucky’s face in both his hands and kissed him tenderly. He saw the wetness on Bucky’s cheeks and felt it on his own. “You are in control of you, Bucky.” He kissed him again. “You did not kill my mom,” he said quietly

“How did you know I wouldn’t…” He looked down the space between them at Tony’s chest.

“I just knew,” Tony said, brushing the long, sweat damp strands from Bucky’s face.

“I could’ve killed you.”

“Uh huh.” He paused for another kiss. “So can Peter. But, Bucky, look,” Tony said, rolling onto his side. He took Bucky’s left hand and pressed his fingertips onto his side where he had grabbed him while they were fucking. “Are there any bruises?”

“No, but I didn’t try to hold you hard.”

“Yeah, you did. You didn’t hear it. You were too focused on something else,” he said with an over-confident smile. “But I heard it. I heard you pull it back. The way I can feel Peter doing the same thing.”

“I’ve torn the shit out of beds before. I could’ve hurt you.”

“And Peter breaks headboards and walls and shreds my sheets,” Tony said with a shrug.

“You’re crazy.”

Tony chuckled. “Maybe. I just have a fetish for guys who can break me into little pieces — and don’t.” Definitely a fetish. Definitely a power rush of truly epic proportions.

“You made me come even after I stopped touching myself,” Bucky said smiling.

“He does that,” Peter said, coming into the bedroom. “A lot.”

“You give me too much credit, babe,” Tony said smiling as he noticed that Peter was carrying his clothes instead of wearing them.

“I have a feeling he doesn’t.” Bucky, who was still on his back, more or less in the center of the bed, held his left arm open wide for Peter.

Peter crawled onto the bed and over to where Bucky was and settled in his open arm. Though he pulled part of a pillow under his head. Resting it directly on hard metal wasn’t exactly comfortable.

“God that was hot. I came so hard,” Peter said as he kissed Bucky’s chest. He ran his finger through the mess on his stomach. Looking first at Tony, then up at Bucky, he put his finger in his mouth, sucked it, and smiled.

Tony reached for the towel he kept under the same pillow as the lube. He wiped Bucky’s stomach clean. Both he and Bucky chuckled and shared a glance before turning to accuse Peter. “You were sitting outside the door, jerking off to us,” he said.

“Not through all of it.” He curled up closer to Bucky, tangling their legs together. “I did get my studying done. Fast,” Peter added with a grin. “It was so different only listening. Having to use my imagination to see.” He slid his arm across Bucky’s waist. “Bucky gets to be in the middle tonight. How do you like to sleep? Side, back, stomach?” Peter asked, looking up at him. “We used to sleep spooned,” he began, not saying who the other one of the ‘we’ was. Steve, obviously. “But on my back is more comfortable.” He hesitated. “Body habit.” “On your back then,” Tony said. He’d seen the container tubes in Siberia that Bucky would’ve been put in, to sleep on his back. “Until your body decides on another habit,” he added with another little kiss to Bucky’s shoulder.

He balled up a pillow under his head and stretched out along Bucky’s side. Tony reached across Bucky’s stomach to hold Peter’s hand. Bucky’s right hand slipped up from between his side and Tony’s front, to join them.

[saphsilver]

Inktober Day 28: Companion

Prompt from @ttimemachines​ ‘ Inktober

Voltron: Legendary Defender Happy Ending AU: Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon, Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like on A-Jupiter and Mars In other words, hold my hand In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more

You are all I long for All I worship and adore In other words, please be true In other words, I love you

-By Bart Howard, performed by Frank Sinatra

This is like 4 days late cuz the power went out while I was doing this and it stayed off for days lmao thanks pg&e anyway 

I followed VLD since 2016 and am veeery fond of sheith. As a form of self-care, I decided to completely disregard the existence of season 8 and I daydreamed a  sappy, romantic ending I would’ve liked to see and am accepting as canon. GAY RIGHTS.

In a nutshell, Shiro and Keith get together and live on Earth. But you can’t tie down a space exploring power couple to one planet, so they go off with the Blade of Marmora. In this picture, they’re dancing to Fly Me to the Moon, celebrating their (kind-of) elopement and new life together.

I wrote a rough outline and bolded the main points. It’s long, so if you want to read it, buckle up and hit that Keep Reading!

Picking up from what little I remember of season 7 cuz I watched it the day it aired in 2018:

After the big battle with the Galra, everyone is chillin. Shiro is officially captain of the Atlas and Keith is like hell yeah I’m the Black Paladin! Idk whatever stuff they did to conclude the fight with the Galra, but I guess they did that. 

Idk why they killed Allura, but that doesn’t fuckin happen. Everyone is happy!

They eventually settle into their new roles on Earth with Pidge/Katie working as a head of the tech department with the Holts. Hunk and Lance handle diplomatic/relief affairs. Allura becomes the queen of the Alteans they found with Coran and Romelle as her advisory. The mice are there too.

As admiral, Shiro gets a cool fancy house. So they throw a house party and the gang and some of the cool Earth/Galran/Altean people are invited too. It’s a great party 10/10 and 3 hours in, Lance gets wasted cuz Allura drinks him under the table. Hunk is getting some water while Pidge/Katie is taking blackmail pictures. Coran is still partying with the mice and Romelle.

Keith and his introvertedness has his social battery run out at this point,  so he finds a porch to sigh upon. It takes Shiro exactly five minutes to notice that Keith isn’t coming back yet, so he seeks him out in the big fancy house.

 Shiro finds Keith sighing on the porch or smth and jokes about this being their easiest time finding each other and Keith smiles at this. Shiro has a beer or smth and Keith asks to try it to break the ice. Shiro teases him about being old enough to drink. Then he’s like uh yeah remember the time I was stuck on a meteor for 2 years with my mom?? Fair point. Shiro lets him try it and Keith spits it out cuz it’s nasty even though bruh probably drank swamp water. They laugh and banter about that too.

The mood settles and then Shiro asks about those two years. And about  their lost time. Keith asks if he took any of Kuron’s memories since he’s got a clone body now. 

He does. He remembers it, but Kuron’s memories feel like it’s him, but he’s taken a backseat and is watching himself do things instead of doing them himself. Then Keith asks him if he remembers what he said when they fought. “You said you love me,” Shiro speaks softly as he turns back to face Keith. “Is that still true?”

Finally they talk about their feelings. Like a well-developed couple should. Keith does still love him and says that he always will. Shiro also admits his feelings too. Thought he was fam. Turns out he was bae. They almost kiss, but the Voltron gang interrupts because that’s how it be.

The two awkwardly get dragged back into the party and Lance is recovering okay. Also, he’s been offical with Allura at this point too. Lance teases them about being a couple and Shiro and Keith are internally screaming. 

The party dies down and everyone starts to go home. The Voltron gang is the only few left and they help Shiro clean up. Lance gets benched cuz he’s still recovering. As they clean up, Shiro begins to notice how large and lonely the house is gonna get. He catches Keith before everyone leaves and slips him a key and says he’s always welcome just in case he gets lonely. Or something.... There’s some Shiro head scratching and Keith knows what’s up.

Everyone leaves. Shiro is alone. He tries to get some rest, but the house is too gotdamn big and unfamiliar. Being alone in a large space is not good for a guy with PTSD. He works out. He investigates his house, etc. Bro still can’t sleep. 

Afterwards, he just gives up and sits at his kitchen going like :( at a glass of water. Then the doorbell rings. Who is it? DING DING, It’s Keith!  With a duffel bag! Turns out he couldn’t sleep either. Shiro invites him to join him in the kitchen with his :( water and they talk a bit.

Then they pick up where they left off at the party and finally kiss. One of them asks if the kiss was okay, and the other is like HELL YEAH and so they keep going. It’s really spicy. One thing leads to another and then they go upstairs to Shiro’s large bed. (I’ll leave that to your imagination.) 

Either way, morning comes and Shiro wakes up with Keith in his arm(s). (HELL YEAH) Guess they got REAL official. He asks about the duffel bag. It’s literally everything Keith owns. So like. 3 outfits. And some weapons. Hygeine products. Etc. (Dude is a minimalist.) Kosmo is in the living room or smth. Bottom(lmao) line is, Keith planned on taking Shiro up on his offer the whole time. He literally just left to pack lmao (HELL YEAH) Shiro gives him his own closet and drawers since the room is big. Guess they live together now yeehaw. 

Eventually, everyone finds out they’re official and is like FINALLY and so they continue their lives on Earth with Shiro as admiral and Keith as captain. They sort out the war damage for a year-ish or so and then do whatever leaders do in peace time. Probably train their people idk. Shiro is up to his neck in papers. He’s not really digging it. He enjoys his peaceful life on Earth, but he often thinks about what it would be like exploring the galaxy now that the Galra aren’t a threat.

Allura and Lance get married. Lance still gets those blue marks but idk why. Why not lmao. It’s a big wedding and Lance throws the boquet. Keith catches it. He looks to Shiro and DING DING, the lightbulb goes off. The Altean Queen and King have many babies and they all have the marks too. Happy family. Goofy dad. Badass mum. Gotta rule the new Alteans too. That’s all good. They either live in space or get their own land cuz racism doesn’t exist on this earth. Cuz I said so. Either way, Lance and Allura visit the others often with their kids. Hunk and Pidge are GREAT with kids.

The Blade of Marmora calls. Krolia is like hey wus poppin’ son. Keith tells her he and Shiro are a couple and she’s like oh finally thank god. That guy was the only thing he’d talk about for the two years and like honestly it’d be awkward if they didn’t get together. But also, the Blade of Marmora needs Keith. For a while. Like, at year at least. He has a few days to decide to go with them. Keith’s torn between his people on Earth or his people in Marmora. 

Shiro tells him it’s okay to go. But before that, he kneels on one knee and presents Keith with a ring. An engagement ring!!!! It’s specially designed by Pidge with a one-channel track that won’t get in the way of any signals or whatever, but they can find each other, no matter where in the galaxy each is. (Since that’s been a recurring problem throughout the series.)

Keith goes. Keith Galra Facetimes whenever he can. Weeks pass. Months pass. Seasons fly. Shiro terribly misses his fiancé. Nothing goes terribly wrong since this is the endgame, but Keith is away for a looong time. More than a year. He misses Shiro terribly, but he knows his duty is to the Blade of Marmora, which has become a relief effort and guardians of the galaxy. No talking trees or raccoons, unfortunately.

Eventually, Keith makes his way back to earth. Krolia, Kolivan, Axca, and the other Blades are with him. Krolia has a mother-son moment with him and asks him what he truly wants. Keith wants Shiro, but he also wants the life with the Blade of Marmora. It’s way better than on Earth, (no offense.) Then Krolia asks, “Why not take your man with us? His skill is going to waste at that desk.” And Kolivan is like “Shiro is a man of honor. He will always have a place with us if he so desires.” And Keith is like :0

He tells Shiro to come with him and Shiro’s like :O But he’s got papers! And Duties! And... the ability to train a successor to be Admiral! He gets on it. But low-key. Cuz he doesn’t want everyone to freak out. Like All Might and Deku, but not as life-threatening a situation and no consumption of hair. It’s probably that guy who thought Keith was his rival. Jack? Jacob? James! Or someone else idk. Who’s Curtis? We can sprinkle him in, I guess. Not sure if Hunk would want to be admiral. But either way, Shiro steps down from his position and gives it to someone very capable.

Then the Blades are back on Earth. Keith leaps into Shiro’s arm(s) all dramatically and gay as God intended. Shiro and Keith get married!!!! Everyone is there and it’s such a happy day like wowie.

After the wedding/goodbye party and preparations, the newlyweds announce their leave into space. And they fly off! Shiro is part of the Blade of Marmora. They’re a happy family and visit Earth and Altea whenever they can. Everyone still gets together every year for Christmas or something.

The last scene is the space ship leaving earth with Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon” playing. The planets and space stuff fade further in the background. They’re in a field of stars. It cuts to Keith in his uniform holding Shiro, who’s in his earthly clothing and kissing his husband’s hand. A golden ring shines on each of their fingers and they continue to dance. Gosh, they’re so happy and in love. The two never lose each other again.

THE END!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #231

too lazy to even think of song lyrics to put, just have this

Do bridges make you nervous? Somewhat. Are there any movies that you find so dumb, you find funny? Aha, Napoleon Dynamite. Do you have any older siblings? Four + one I don't know. How often do you vacation? Pretty much never. Are you currently having any cellular problems? My phone is ACTUAL horse shit. Have you ever tried to meet up with someone from online? With Sara, multiple times now. :') It'd be fantastic if when I go to South Africa I can meet Shaylee when I visit to the KMP, and my other friend Alyssa knows how badly I wanna meet Mark, so she insists on me going with her one day if he ever goes back to PAX East. I'd love to meet Connie, too. If you could have any car right now, what would you want exactly? Eh, I don't know car types. Something medium/smallish (I don't want very small for safety reasons) that's either burnt orange or red and just pretty and sleek. Do you think it’s cruel to leave a live fish to die in an ice box? Um???????? YEAH????????????????? Have you ever done anything sexual with someone of the same sex? Yeah. Do you collect issues of a certain magazine? No. Have you ever pawned anything off at a pawn shop? Nah. Do you have stomach abs? Ha, I wish. Do you know anyone who is trying to physically impersonate a celebrity? No, but oh my god, so my friend Leon, right? He looks UNCANNILY like Leon Kennedy (WEIRD name coincidence????) from the Resident Evil series so much that he dressed as him one day. The resemblance is fucking unbelievable, especially when his hair was longer in the front. Do you have the Bakery Story app? Haven't heard of it. Do you watch Sister Wives? Haven't heard of that, either. How do you feel about polygamy? It's definitely not for me, but if it's KNOWINGLY between a consenting, happy group of people, you do you, man. Just hardcore practice safe sex. Have you ever seen a shuttle launch? No. What would your parents say is the worst thing you’ve ever done? I haven't got a clue. I'd assume Mom would probably say me texting her "fuck you" even though she deserved it. Dad, probably the letter I wrote him after the divorce. Are we having signs of the apocalypse? I don't even remember the Biblical signs besides like, swarms of locusts and humanity's focus shifting to materialism. I say rather we're having actually scientific signs of a mass extinction coming in the next few centuries, probably, or sooner. Historically, we're extremely overdue for one, anyway. Global warming, the ozone, overpopulation, pollution... you know, all that jazz. We're killing the earth. Would you rather see The Blue Man Group or Fear Factor live? Blue Man Group. Do you have any vintage clothing? Man, I wish. Are you glad to accept any certain person’s hand-me-downs? "As long as it fits and it’s like, clean, I guess?" <<<< This. Have you ever bought anything at Rue 21? Yeah, I like that store. The graphic tees section, at least. What color of colored contacts would you like to have? Like, purple or something. NO, cyan. Gimme a Manson feel. What’s on your bed? Me, Teddy, Roman, my laptop and mouse, my pillows, sheets, blanket, phone... Your floor besides furniture? My bookbag and purse. Wires. Shoes. Your dresser? My meerkat collection, along with some other plushies. The top shelf in your closet? I have no clue. Are there any dead stuffed animals in your house? Uh, you mean taxidermy? No. I am viciously against hunting "trophies." HOWEVER, I'm deeply into vulture culture and have mixed feelings about making art of NATURALLY deceased wildlife... A part of me says that's disrespectful, and then the other says it's very honoring and respectful, to immortalize an animal's beauty as art after experiencing a good life. It's something I semi-want to get into, but again, I'm torn on my thoughts about it. Do you know anyone who goes fishing, but doesn’t like fish? Do you mean like, eating fish? I'll fish with Dad if he invites me (I otherwise stopped as I don't support it if not necessary for food, but this has always been my and Dad's "thing"), but I hate fish as food. If you mean they don't enjoy fish as animals, I don't think so. What’s the best prize you’ve won on an amusement park/carnival game? I don't have a clue. Have you ever done anything sexual in a school? No, besides simple kisses. Have you ever been indoor skydiving? No. Would you have any interest in going on a cruise? No. Being out in the ocean scares me. Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? No. How old was the oldest person you’ve dated? Maybe like, five years older. Do you know anyone who has their own podcast? No. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How many children do you want, and how did you decide on this number? None. I decided because 1.) I would be a terrible mother, 2.) I'm not putting anyone's well-being above my own ever again, 3.) I'm not dedicating the remainder of my life trying to raise someone who might end up not even caring about me, and 4.) they're fuckin expensive and I've been poor my whole life and will do almost anything to keep my bills and expenses in general as low as possible. Where did your last kiss take place? The airport. Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? Oh, definitely. I loved reading. ^ What were some of your favorite books? Little-little kid books included Stellaluna, What Makes a Rainbow?, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Rainbow Fish, 10 Minutes 'Til Bedtime... a lot. As like an elementary student, I was really into the Magic Tree House and Hank the Cowdog series. Then in middle school, Warriors dominated my bookshelf. Are you more of a visual learner or an auditory learner? Visual. Do you have any dietary restrictions? No. Do you prefer Google Maps, Apple Maps, Waze, or something else? I've never used any. What is your favorite coffee brand? N/A What is your favorite tea brand? N/A Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. I probably only will for maybe my wedding. How old does someone have to be for you to see them as an adult? 21 I guess. Do you ever ‘manspread’ when you sit down? Uh. I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Which of your good habits has made the biggest positive difference in your life? Coming to understand I have to put myself first, probably. Or learning how to talk to myself gently. Have you ever dated someone who was very lazy? No. Have you ever turned down a job offer? No. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I always quit too early for that, really. Do you overuse smileys? I don't think so. At least not anywhere near how I did as a pre-teen in the "LOL rANdoM!!!!!! XD" phase. Who is better; Madonna or Blondie? Idk. Who is better; Elton John or Billy Joel? BILLY!!!!!!! Name three website you visit every day: YouTube, Kalahari Manor, and deviantART. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? Tyler and I watched the first one. I don't remember what I thought about it, really. Have you ever worn black eyeliner? "Yeah. That’s the only kind I wear." <<<< This. Have you ever worn blue mascara? No. That'd look weird on me. Hm, or maybe not. Maybe it'd bring out my blue eyes. Ever spiked your hair? No. How long have you had a computer? I don't have a clue. Have you ever written something, and published it on the internet? Well yeah? When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer) Hell, forever ago when I was at Colleen's with Girt and we played CAH. Can you play chess? Nope. When was the last time you read a book over 700 pages long? Shit man, no clue. I don't know if I ever have. Have you ever drank cherry Coke? GOOD STUFF Do you prefer using pens or pencils? Pencils, considering you can erase. I avoid using pens if I can. Have you ever skipped for a long distance? Maybe as a little kid? Are you excited for the holidays? Halloween was disappointing, as I did absolutely zip. I honestly don't care about Thanksgiving. We always just go have dinner with Ashley's bigot in-laws. I'm VERY hyped for Christmas 'cuz I'm probably gonna be with Sara!! Can you play any instruments? I played the flute for years, but I don't think I could remember how to now. Are you a Facebook addict? Nah. Are you afraid of stink bugs? YEAH. I hate beetle-like insects. Do you have a printer? Yeah. Does anyone own any embarrassing pictures of you? HAHAHAHA I HOPE SHE DOESN'T STILL HAVE IT, MY FRIEND ONCE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME IN THE MIDDLE OF EATING A HOT DOG AND I JUST REALLY HATE IT. Do you still live at home? Yeah. Are you currently enrolled in college? Yep. Do you care what others say about you? Way too much. Have you ever played Farmville? No. What is your favorite video game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. What song represents your life the best? "Get Up" by Mother Mother makes me think of myself A LOT. Are you into anime? Yeah. Name one movie that has made you cry more than once. The Notebook. Always. Do you watch the Disney Channel? Not anymore. Do you swear? Way too much. Do you overthink things? You wouldn't BELIEVE how much I do. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A fuckin ginormous black lab until Ashley moved out. He wasn't even full-grown. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? As a kid, I was running on the gravel road and slipped and fell. I scraped my knees to the point of pus coming out. It took a loooong time to heal. I cried SO fucking loudly. Bad, bad memory made only worse because Dad got so annoyed by it that he yelled at me to shut up. Happy beyond words he changed so much after the divorce and stopped drinking. What is something you like to have conversations about? MARK and other YouTubers I love to an unreasonable height, meerkats, vidya games I enjoy, RP, bands I love... What all is in the trunk of your car? I don't have a clue. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? EW no. I hate that shit. How do you usually celebrate your favorite holiday? By doing nothing, lately. I don't have anywhere to go, so no point in even dressing up. Plus I can't afford costumes. When was the last time you drove something other than a car or truck? Uh. I have zero clue. Have you ever eaten/drank something and then realized it was past the expiration date? Probably at some point. Do you own any jewelry containing your birthstone? I have an amethyst angel pin from my grandmother. When I was in high school and going through my most suicidal phases, I wore it on my shirt underneath my hoodies. What is something unusual that annoys you? Hm. Well, I think this resonates with a lot of people at least to a mild degree, but it really angers me when people don't put their shopping carts back and just sit them in/by a parking spot. Fucking lazy as hell. Does mind over matter work for you? Rarely. What was the last thing you were invited to? No clue. Well, besides the obvious things like my niece and nephew's b-day parties, I don't know. What item should never be shared? Stealing the last person's answer: your toothbrush. What do you usually order at Taco Bell? A cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatoes. Sometimes the cinnamon delight things instead of the potatoes. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind? No. Does drinking alcohol make you act more like your true self? I don't know if it's my "true" self, but I'm more extroverted and calmer. Have you ever googled a name and found somebody? Uhhhh so this is probably so incredibly creepy, but I jumped through hoops finding Jason's landline a few days before my suicide attempt because I was absolutely desperate to talk to him. It was in the dead of night and his sweetheart mom picked up and spoke with me for like two whole hours trying to calm me down. Jason was asleep, apparently. I miss that woman. She was so patient and gentle that night. Okay I'm honestly getting pretty emotional recalling that night so MOVING ON. What is your favorite possession? My iPod, really. I've had it since middle school and has 1k+ songs on it that I, like an idiot, am too lazy to back up... soooo when it dies, which it's WAY overdue to do, I will probably tear the world in two. What makes you feel like you are young again? Laughing hysterically. Especially when I do this little squeaking sound. Girt pointed it out all the time and since then I've actually paid attention to it and it's fuckin cute tbh. Are you picky? You. Don't. Even. KNOW. You have one wish, what would it be? World peace. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller? She's just like two inches shorter at 5'2''. How tall was the tallest person you’ve dated? Fucking hell, Girt was AT LEAST 6', I'm sure taller. I only reached his chest. How many foreign friends do you have? Oh boy, plenty. Well, I'd say most are acquaintances, but still. I've been on the Internet too long. In which countries do they live? European countries and Australia are the ones I know off the top of my head. What was your dream birthday party as a kid? Hmmm, probably going skating with my friends. What’s the most interesting story you’ve never told anybody? I don't know. What’s the most complicated meal you’ve cooked? Nothing. Have you ever come up with your own game? As kids, my sisters and I did a lot. What is something you value a lot in your life? Having a home, food to eat, a family that loves me... the basics that unfortunately many people don't have. Whose hand did you hold last? Sara's. What was the last thing you planted? Habanero peppers, I think. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? *shrugs* When's the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? Probably by holding doors open? What's the most selfless act you have done? Probably compromising my mental health to help others. I dunno. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? wtf no get out of mah swamp Are you clumsy? If so, how? I'm a newborn deer ffs. I bump into and trip over shit every day. How many Lidls are there in your town? None. I think. I think the closest is in the next town over. How do you like your favorite beverage? Cold and freshly opened 'cuz carbonation. Are you going to any concerts this summer? Ozzy Osbourne is very likely and I am NOT over it even though that was decided forever ago. Have you ever been to a concert? Once. What do you do when you can’t escape thoughts of your ex? I have PTSD from that relationship, getting away from those thoughts isn't a thing until my brain decides it's over it. Like I mainly just look for a distraction, but honestly, the only thing that seems to be truly effective is time or sleep. Do you watch any TV shows where the setting’s a hospital? I enjoy The Good Doctor, but I've talked about my disinterest in TV plenty. Did your first real significant other change you at all? HI HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE BREAKUP??????????????? Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Nah, not anymore. I broke that "promise" anyway through total cheat methods or whatever you want to call them, but I'm ultimately glad I thought I was obeying abstinence through that time considering honestly with how serious we were and how impulsive I was, I genuinely wonder if I would've wound up pregnant. Let's NOT IMAGINE THAT ROUTE. How many schools have you been to? Six. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Isn’t it lovely when your S/O smells good? I mean yeah, would anyone answer "no"???? Who’s your favorite actor? Mark is an official actor now don't even fuckin try me about this Who can make you laugh no matter what? *points up* + Sara and Game Grumps. Has a movie ever made you cry? Which one(s)? The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Titanic, Old Yeller, The Lion King, Coco, Finding Dory, Johnny Got His Gun... man, a lot. I'm a baby when it comes to movies. Do you keep a list of movies you want to watch so you don't forget? No. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? It was one of Highly Suspect's new songs. I think it was called "Snow White." What do you prefer -- the original fairy tales, or the Disney versions? Disney. Would you like more film adaptations of traditional fairy tales? Yeah, I enjoy them. Are there any comic books you'd like to see made into a movie? I don't read 'em. Are there any comic book movies you wish had been better? ^ Have you watched the Good Omens series yet? Thoughts? No. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Yrel from World of Warcraft is a fucking badass that needs to come back, I love Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3 with her being a realistic, relatable, and headstrong female protagonist that takes no shit, Bayonetta is my Mommy like have you seen that girl work (she served as some of my first evidence I wasn't straight, actually), I love Cynder from The Legend of Spyro saga with her personality overall and story... there's a lot I love. OH! Ellie from The Last of Us is impossible to not mention. It's beyond debate she's one of the toughest females in video game history, and it was interesting to watch her grow up in a post-apocalyptic world where horrors and tragedy were so normal. Something you didn't like that happened in one of your fave shows/books? GINGA DENSETSU WEED SPOILER: I will forever be livid Jerome died sobs I loved him more than I love myself. THE OUTSIDERS SPOILER: Dally's death devastated me. A character (in anything) you wish hadn't been killed off? Vol'jin's death in WoW was fucking stupid and entirely anticlimactic. Make the guy warchief & then Blizz doesn't know what to do with him and lets trash kill him, such shit writing, look guys I'm fuckin tilted about- What was the last video you saw that made you smile? Oh my god, I watched a clip of Shane Dawson at the Mall of America with Jeffree today, and he was physically in a state of shock, entirely speechless, and in tears. My lips were about to split my face in half smiling and almost crying. He deserves all he's getting right now beyond words. What's something exciting that's happened recently? A Heist With Markiplier was the best thing that ever happened to me ok. What about something upsetting? My grandma going downhill so fast. Cancer cells are now clearly visible in her blood. Do you have any calluses on your feet? So possibly TMI so look away, but I used to walk SO MUCH that my feet, especially my big toes, have the thickest calluses you could probably imagine. They bother me so much that I want to see whatever kind of doctor that can get rid of the damn things. Nothing I've ever done has helped get rid of them. I've CUT areas off in hopes of them going away, but it always heals BACK into a callus???? What was your last big purchase? Teddy's vet visit. Have you ever eaten grits? Grits are disgusting. What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat. Do you wear the same shirt and shorts multiple times before washing? It depends on how long I wore the shirt and if I sweat. You'd never see me in shorts. What color is your favorite lip gloss? I don't use gloss. How many different states have you lived in? Just one. Are you allergic to bees? No. What color is the rim around your bedroom mirror (if applicable)? Black. What is your favorite flavor of saltwater toffee? I don't know if I've ever tried that. Have you ever vacationed on an island? No. What does your favorite bikini look like? Remember how I said you wouldn't see me in shorts? That goes even more for bikinis. What flavor was the last slushee you had? Strawberry limeade.

[vrenaewrites]

My Favorite Books Ever (2019).

In June 2018, I did a video about my all time favorite books. I included 13 books and only a couple were young adult, which is the genre I write in.

Boy how things change in a year. I’ve read probably 20 books since then which isn’t a lot compared to other people, but you’d be surprised how many of those were absolute knockouts for me, quickly moving into my hall of fame favorites. So let’s revisit my top 10 list.

10. TIE: TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee and MATILDA by Roald Dahl.

[previously #5 and #10, respectively]

These books have to be included on the basis of how much they meant to me as a child and young teen who was bookish, compassionate, and open-minded in my rural (read: often racist) southern community. Scout Finch and Matilda Wormwood were little girls I needed as a little girl, and while I may not reach for these “favorites” too often anymore, they’ll be some of the first books I share with my kids of reading age. They made me who I am.

9. THE MERCILESS by Danielle Vega Rollins.

[new addition]

Boy, oh, boy. If you didn’t catch the pop culture influences on my new WIP, you don’t even know what kind of impact this book had on me. If The Exorcist and Mean Girls had a baby written by Stephen King, this would be it. Sofia Flores is welcomed by the popular, virtuous girls at the expense of outcast Brooklyn, and the price for inclusion is higher than anyone could have known. This is a brutal, BRUTAL book. Full of intrigue, pulpy dirty laundry, and tons of gore, it’s not for the faint of heart. But it is right up my alley.

8. SHARP OBJECTS by Gillian Flynn.

[previously #8]

This book messed me up so bad I had to let my little sister borrow it so I had someone to talk about it with. It worked. Journalist Camille Preaker returns to her small Midwest town to investigate the disappearance of little girls, she has to reconnect with her toxic, dysfunctional family I’ve mentioned it before: a fucked up family and a strong sister dynamic - good or bad - are two of my favorite elements to read about. SHARP OBJECTS comes through with that in spades, along with questionable allies, mental illness in the protagonist, twist after twist, and the classic Gillian Flynn style of stylistic, highly personal writing.

7. THE EXORCIST by William Peter Blatty.

[previously #6]

I am totally and utterly obsessed with this story. I did see the movie before I read the book because I’m a horror movie junkie and I saw this movie at like, ten years old. Twelve year old Regan MacNeil makes an imaginary friend through a ouija board and things...get...weird from there. But of course, the story isn’t really about Regan. It’s about Father Karras, the titular exorcist who wrestles with the imaginary friend within Regan - the demon Pazuzu - and his own personal demons. The vulgar violence Regan is subjected to during her possession will burn into your brain forever, and the exploration of the relationship between god and man and devil feeds my dogmatic interests like few things really can.

6. THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE by Shirley Jackson.

[previously #7]

I can’t overstate how much I love this book. From the queer coding of Theo and Nellie to the unsteady narration, Hill House has been ridiculously impactful on me since I read it almost two years ago. A parapsychologist invites people with paranormal experiences to spend time with him in the titular home, where he plans to prove the existence of paranormal activity. That’s right, this is the start of the ghost hunting trope, guys. Basically, these people get real fuckin’ haunted. As the sanity of each guest of Hill House is threatened and questioned, we as the reader start to wonder what the truth really is.

5. A HEAD FULL OF GHOSTS by Paul Tremblay.

[previously #4]

Paul Tremblay is a contemporary to Stephen King. I said what I said. The Barrett family is torn apart by the change in Marjorie, the oldest of their two daughters. As signs of acute schizophrenia become more prevalent, the father turns to religion and the mother turns to mental health professionals. As their resources deplete, they are forced to allow a reality tv show to document Marjorie’s affliction for the paycheck, where the reality and sanity of all involved comes unraveled. The narrators. The twists upon twists. The unrelenting tension as you become invested in finding out what is really wrong with Marjorie. It’s a book I wish I wrote.

4. THE FORBIDDEN GAME trilogy by LJ Smith.

[previously #3]

I just don’t know how to explain what this book did for me creatively. It’s 90s pulp horror and it made me realize that I kinda want to write 90s pulp horror...in 2019. It’s engaging, well written, interesting, unique, diverse, and quick. LJ Smith can do no wrong in my book.

3. HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN by JK Rowling.

[previously #2]

Do I have to get into this? The introduction of Remus Lupin, my literal father. The introduction of Sirius Black, my literal son. The introduction of not so annoying Hermione, literally me. The Draco punch. Buckbeak. Big baddies on the horizon. The first YA entry in the series. Chef’s kiss. Also the best film, I said what I said.

2. CARRIE by Stephen King.

[previously #1]

I know, I’m shook. Carrie has been dethroned. Don’t tell her though - we don’t want a prom repeat. Stephen King’s debut is ridiculously good - gritty, scary, brutal, sad, and believable despite being about a telekinetic teen who’s abused into massacring most of a town. Spoilers? The book is like 40 years old. Too bad.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Alice Hoffman’s PRACTICAL MAGIC [previously #9]

Grady Hendrix’s MY BEST FRIEND’S EXORCISM [new]

Dhonielle Clayton’s THE BELLES [new]

1. WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE by Shirley Jackson.

[new addition]

Oh my God, y’all. I read this book in one day while I was in upstate NY last month. I read it on a dock, on a lake, in 80 degree weather, and I had goosebumps by the end. Mary Katherine Blackwood and her sister Constance live alone in the Blackwood mansion, hated by the villagers, jeered at in the grocery store, and gossiped about - for good reason. Six years prior, their entire family was poisoned and the prime suspect, Constance, was acquitted to the disdain of the public. But when a long lost cousin hungry for the Blackwood fortune comes to visit, secret after secret is unearthed along with little Merricat’s various treasures of protection. Talk about twists. Jackson has a KNACK for the vicious town opinion - The Lottery, anyone? - and how it can ruin a family, a person, and how there can be no sole responsibility for mob mentality. I just cannot overstate how much I love this book.