#after brian finished he told him he loved him anyway

[enniewritesathing]

Hm. Realized that Brian and Were!John are similar in the fact of how they got their freedom.

:)

[chaoticrushu]

God everything about Lisa is so tragic. Her trigger event, being forced into villainy by Coil, her desperate attempts to find out as much as she can to prevent the end of the world, and her whole relationship with Taylor.

She sees Taylor for the first time and immediately knows she's passively suicidal. She can't let that go, if course she can't, she can't let another Rex happen. So she reaches out, she invites Taylor to join the Undersiders, knowing the whole time Taylor's lying from the start. She gives her a friends/family/a support group, desperately hoping to give Taylor a reason to live. She takes her shopping, hoping to boost Taylor's confidence in herself. She pushes Taylor to go out with Brian, because she knows Brian has the same feelings, and she thinks it'll both help Taylor feel more tied to the group and help make her happier.

And it kinda works. Taylor gains confidence, she's stronger, she's happier.

"I'm sorry," Lisa put her hand on my shoulder. I felt grateful that she wasn’t pulling away or laughing. It was the first time I’d ever really talked about it, and I wasn’t sure I could’ve dealt if she had.

Shell 4.3

It kind of surprised me, but I realized what I was saying was true, so I didn’t even need to worry about tipping Lisa off. A second later, I realized I might have been a little presumptuous.

"I mean, assuming that we are frien—"

"If you finish that sentence,” Lisa warned me, "I'm going to slap you across the head." I felt the heat of a flush in my cheeks and ears. "Yes, Taylor, we’re friends," Brian said.

Shell 4.3

"I don’t know how to say this gracefully," I said. I paused, noting the presence of a hero nearby who’d raised a camera towards me. Whatever, I’d say it anyways. "But you guys mean a lot to me. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, but I couldn’t without letting on that something was going on. You’re my family, in a way. As lame as it might be, I love you guys."

Drone 23.5

"I know," Grace said, after a pause. "I get that. I get that there’s other reasons. Like the fact that you love those guys and you never loved us. Cool. Makes sense."

"I liked you guys."

"But you didn’t love us.”

"No," I said.

Venom 29.1

By Arc 19, Lisa's sure she succeeded. She averted another Rex, she saved Taylor. Even with how self destructive Taylor is, pushing herself so hard towards a goal, first saving Dinah then saving everyone, throwing herself in dangerous situations one after another, she's in a better state than she was before. But is Lisa?

Taylor and Lisa have somewhat of a distant emotional connection. As much as Lisa has helped Taylor, Taylor can't really do the same to Lisa. Because even when she isn't wearing a mask in a literal sense. she's always wearing one metaphorically, one that she almost never lets slip. So as much as Taylor loves Lisa, she doesn't really know Lisa. She can't. Lisa's given Taylor a support system, but she herself doesn't have one.

"Except you’ve been talking to the heroes, and you’ve had that to help center yourself, figure out where you stand," Tattletale said. "I haven't."

"That’s it? You need to talk to someone?"

"No. That’s not what I’m saying," she said. She sighed. "Yes. Kind of. It’s only part of it. Who the hell am I going to talk to that grasps things on a level I do? Do you really expect me to find a therapist and sit down and not pick him apart faster than he can decipher me?"

"You could talk to me ," I said. "Not when you’re part of the problem, part of what I’d need to work past."

"That’s not fair," I told her.

"No, it isn’t," she admitted."

Scourge 19.7

And that disconnect shows in Taylor's pov. Even in Taylor's head, Lisa is so often thought of as Tattletale, not Lisa. Even as she's eviscerating Taylor on personal level in 30.1, she's still Tattletale, not Lisa. Rachel is almost always Rachel more than Bitch, and I'm pretty sure Aisha is Aisha'd as much as she's Imp'd.

Later in the same chapter, she explains herself, her first time in the whole book being genuine and letting herself be vulnerable.

Me? When you shot Coil, I realized I was done. I’d helped you out of the same trap of despair Rex had been in. Don’t know if the road I helped you down was a good one or a bad, but I’d finished."

"But why be reckless? Why take the risks?"

"Because I did what I had to do, I helped you, and I still feel like the stupid, self-obsessed little child that let her big brother die. It wasn’t conscious, but maybe I felt like I needed to up the stakes. Pull something dramatic. Show that, with these crazy smart capes like Alexandria and Faultline around, I could still be the smartest person in the room."

Scourge 19.7

She's finished her project, she's saved Taylor, whether for good or ill. She's freed herself of Coil. And it didn't fix her; She still bears all that guilt over Rex. Maybe, given time, Taylor could have helped Lisa, returned the favour. But they never had the time, because so soon after this, Taylor is outed, and things escalate, and Taylor is gone. I can't imagine what that did to Lisa, but it I'd guess that it means that her one true friend, probably the only person who even comes close to understanding her, is gone. Of course, she keeps in touch. But the letter she sends, its so impersonal, naught more than a status report. Whereas Brian and Rachel's are emotional and personal, confessions of their feelings. (I love Taylor and Rachel's relationship so much, but that's not the point here.) And when they meet all meet back up before Behemoth, the only thing she says to Taylor is asking her to survive. I think that even though she said she felt like she'd succeeded fixing Taylor, she was still doubting. Taylor is Taylor, I don't think she ever really could have been saved just by who she is. And Lisa could probably tell.

With a touch more seriousness, Tattletale said, "No dying, okay, Skitter?"

"Weaver," I corrected.

"Skitter," she said. "Here, today, you’re Skitter. Consider it a good luck charm. And no dying . I’ll say it as many times as it takes, until it gets through to you."

...

“Just remember,” Tattletale called out, “You’re officially Skitter today. Don’t be a hero. No point to all this shit if you do something brave and get yourself killed.”

Drone 23.5

And it all leads to Khepri. Taylor ruining herself, letting someone alter her brain to such an extent in a desperation to beat Scion. And it kills Lisa

"You couldn’t have made it easy?” Tattletale asked, looking down at it. “Because standing by while you do this… that’s fucking hard . It’s honestly easier if I’m on their side and I’m helping them stop you. If I can blame the fuck-up job Panacea did to your head."

"While I’m saying all this, kiddo, you gotta know I love you. I adore you, warts and all. You saved me, as much as I like to think I saved you. All this stuff I’m bitching about, it’s the same stuff that got us through some pretty hairy shit, and I love you for it as much as I groan about it. You’re brilliant and you’re reckless and you care too much about people in general when I really wish you’d leave things well enough alone and be selfish. But this?"

"Shit ," Tattletale said. "You gotta forgive me, just this once. Because seeing this and knowing what you pulled hurts enough that I gotta say this. This makes me feel really sorry for your dad, because I’m starting to get a sense of what you put him through.

Speck 30.1

Like, god. The tragedy of loving Taylor Hebert, a stubborn, persistent, unyielding person, one who doesn't value herself but will give everything to fight for her friends. For all that Lisa could try and do to save her, for all the happiness she could try and give her, it didn't work. Taylor becomes Khepri, and she loses her forever. I'm don't even know if Lisa knows what happened to Taylor, that she's on another earth, safe with the opportunity for genuine happiness without all the crises, able to be a regular person. Or does she assume Taylor died, maybe at the hands of a cape traumatised and angry and being mind controlled, maybe because of her own shard destroying her?

Does she ever regret trying to fix Taylor? Does she ever think back on it and wonder if Taylor would be better off if she hadn't guided her into villainy?

[studentfilmyoulying]

can u feed me another brim fanfic😭 I love brim too much

It took a while, but absolutely :3 bc same tbh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ship: Brim (Brian Thomas x Tim Wright

Length: ~700 Words

Trigger warnings: none

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian pulled up to the Blockbuster, Tim in the passenger seat; the sun was starting to set and warm colors washed over everything. He starts to get out of the car and realizes Tim isn't following suit. 

"C'mon Tim, you gotta help pick out a movie for tonight," he reached over and casually brushed Tim's hair out of his eyes, doing his best to ignore how this made the other man blush. 

"Brian, I told you, I'm not going in with all this makeup on my face. I don't know why Kralie even bothers; his camera is too shitty to pick it up anyways," Tim huffed. 

"Oh, please, you can barely tell, and plus, it looks good on you. It highlights your masculine features and those sexy as fuck sideburns," Brian comments sarcastically before bursting into laughter as his friend flipped him off and rolled his eyes. 

"You know you love them, Bri. Alright, fine, I'll go in, but if I get hate-crimed for being a man wearing makeup in Alabama, it's on you." 

Brian stifled his laughter as they both got out and went into the Blockbuster. They walked straight to the VHS section as neither of them had a DVD player yet, and Tim claims it "looks more authentic," whatever that means. He immediately picks up some 80s dark fantasy film with barely clothed women on the front and shows it to Tim, waggling his brows at him suggestively. He responds by smacking him on the back of his head (on him tippy toes) and keeps looking. 

"What're you in the mood for tonight?" 

Tim scans the shelves before picking one up, "How about My Little Pony—A Very Minty Christmas, eh? Seems like a real thriller." 

"I hate you," Brian says as he tries not to draw too much attention to them with his raucous laughter. He picks up one they haven't seen before and suggests it. "How about this one? Looks interesting," 

"I'm down; let's go pick out some snacks." Tim then heads over to the snack area, where he grabs a box of Muddy Bears, Snowcaps, and Cookie Dough Bites. Brian grabs a box of popcorn, and they go checkout. Once they finish, they pile back into Brian's car and head over to his place for a movie night. 

~ 

They get to Brian's place as the sky tints the front lawn purple with the setting sun. After getting inside, the two men easily slip into their usual roles. Tim prepares the popcorn and snacks; Brian sets up the movie and makes the living room cozy. It just became routine to them after awhile, and it was easier this way. 

Popcorn popped, and movie started, they cuddled up together on the couch with a blanket thrown over their laps. As if knowing the movie was about to begin, the sun finished it's descent to the horizon and it was now dark outside, setting the mood perfectly. 

The title screen came up; "The Forgotten" appeared on screen as Tim leans in to rest his head against Brian. The taller man returns the gesture by grabbing Tim's hand under the blanket and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

~ 

As quickly as it began, it was over. Brian disentangled himself from Tim, much to the others disappointment, and turned the lights on. 

"I'm still not sure if that was supposed to be God or aliens in the sky." 

""I'm gonna go with Aliens; why would God do experiments on people?" Brian responds as he sits back down. 

"I mean, why wouldn't he?" Almost as soon as Brian was situated on the couch, Tim got all over him again. 

He rolled his eyes at the sassy remark and kissed the top of Tim's head, making the other man wriggle in place like an overly-excited puppy. 

Tim continues, "I think it was God, and if God ever took away my memories of you, fuck, I'd challenge God to give you back too. Julianne Moore had the right idea. I'd be so lost and empty if I ever forgot you." 

"Well, thankfully," Brian begins, "that will never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Happen," and with each "ever," Brian peppered Tim's face with kisses, ending with a big smooch right on his lips. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AAAAA I had such a good time writing this!! It's so nostalgic and cozy! pls send more requests/asks :3

[faghubby]

Caught in the pantry

"Shh" Judy hushed me. As she tried to pull my pants down, she was crazy I thought. We were currently at a party at her sisters house. Where she had dragged me into the kitchen pantry. She had worn her pink strapon under her dress. She had first pegged me six months ago. I had been reluctant but discovered I loved it. Judy ever pushing the boundaries had started to wear it so she could fuck me in public. Like I would do to her on occasions. But this was her sister house surrounded by our friends and family. I know she wouldn't stop.

"Alright but quick" I told her dropping my pants she shot lube up my ass and drove her cock in with no resistance,

"We need a bigger one" she teased as she fucked me hard she wanted me to moan as usual. But I bit my lip. Bit suddenly the door opened and Brian just stared at us. It took a moment till it registered what he saw then he closed the door. Judy giggled and drove her cock deep one last time. Before she pulled it out. I quickly got dressed.

I was in full panic mode.

"Leave Brian to me" she said smacking my ass gently. Brian and I didn't exactly get along. Judy had been Brian's long time on and off boyfriend before I came along. He was also her brothers best friend.

Judy pulled her strapon off and handed to me as she left first. Great what was I suppose to do with this I thought. I hid it on the top shelf would get it later and put it in her bag. I came out to see Judy and Brian standing close talking. I grabbed a drink and found a corner to hide. I never liked parties anyway. But now I was just waiting for Brian to walk in and tell everyone. I downed the drink and got another. Judy came up behind me and grabbed my ass. I jumped.

"Calm down sweety" she said kissing me hard. I finished my drink and another.

"We need to go" Judy told me. As I stumbled towards the door. I looked up to see Brian helping me to the cat,

"Thank you" Judy said and hugged him. Before driving me home. Half way home Judy asked.

"Where is my cock?"

"Crap I left it in the pantry" I told her.

"What! Oh shit!" She pulled over. I opened the door and puked.

"Brian, I need another favor" I heard her say. "Paulie, left my toy in the pantry on the top shelf. Would you, before Liz finds it" obviously I only heard one side of the conversation. But whatever he said made her laugh. "Thanks I owe you big" she hung up.

"Thst is going to cost you big" she told me. And continued to drive home. Judy put me to bed. I basically passed out. I woke to use the bathroom it was after 2am. I heard voices. I went to investigate grabbing Judy's robe. I stopped at the living room. As I saw Judy naked bent over the chair. As Brian fucked her from behind.i noticed the strapon harness on the floor but the dildowasn't.

"Oh my god. Judy cried out as I saw Brian pushing the toy into her ass as he continued to pound away on her pussy. I couldn't move.

"There he is" Brian laughed never slowing Judy raised her eyes but I watched as she orgasmed on his cock. Which led to Brian pumping his seed inside her. He pulled out and started to grab his clothes.

"Nice robe" he laughed Judy sat on the floor catching her breath. She pulled the dildo from her ass. Brian walked straight up to me.

"Why don't you kiss my dick to say thank you" he told me. This man I hated even more now. But he towered over me by at least 6 inches. I noticed how buff he was as he stood still naked before me. I swallowed hard. Unable to answer him. He turned and laughed. Getting dressed and leaving.

I went to Judy still on the floor.

"Don't be mad, it was the price to keep him quiet" she told me. I helped her to her feet. She seemed dizzy.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked concerned.

"No baby, he gave me what I needed" she told me as I helped her to bedroom.

"Do you want to shower" I asked. She looked at me.

"You could wash me" she smiled and laid on the bed. Pulling me to her.

"Use your tounge and wash me" she begged.

"Judy he didn't use a condom" I told her.

"I know suck his sperm out of me" she told me pushing my head to her crotch.

"I cant" I said pulling away.

"I saw how you thought about it when Brian told you to kiss his cock" she told me

"Please, I so want to see you eat his cum" Judy told me pulling to her again. She knew she could get me to do anything. I licked her stomach.

"Yes baby, show me how much you love me" she moaned I worked myself down. Till I finally licked her tasting his cum. She went wild. Moaning and pulling my hair.

"See he taste so good, doesn't he" she told me. "I knew you would love it" the more I licked the more she loved it I swallowed globs of his cum. Until I made her cum. Then she pushed out whatever remained to my tounge. Then pulled me up and kissed me tasting Brian as well as herself. On my tounge. We held each other falling asleep.

in the morning Judy joined me in the shower. She soaped up my ignored penis and stroked me slow.

"I want to take Brian as a lover" she said to me. Before I could respond she continued.

"He does things to me you can't and makes me lose control. I love you but I think you would love it if I cuckold youz" she said then let go of my still throbbing cock. I looked down surprised and realized how much smaller I was then Brian. How her toys where all bigger then me. How I had never made her cum harder then when I cleaned her last night.

"But, so what you want a divorce" I asked standing naked my cock hard and bouncing in8 front of me.

"No, Brian was never marriage material, I just realized I need his cock sometimes" she told me. She got out of the shower. "What do you think?" She asked.

"I don't understand" I muttered.

"Yes you do" she said stroking my cock only once. I followed her into the bedroom.

"Go get my cock" she ordered. I looked at her surprised. "NOW" She added sternly. I went and found her toy and harness. I cleaned it since it was still dirty from last night before I bought it to her. She stood and lifted her leg so I could slid the harness up her leg. I stayed on my knees as I adjusted the straps.

"Show me how you wanted to kiss Brians cock last night" she said. I looked up at her. And bent and kissed her toy. She didn't say anything just let me explore her cock.

"Brian would have loved that" she told me when i stopped. She pushed me over the bed and applied lube to her cock. She drove her cock in deep in one thrust.

"That's right you love a cock in your ass" she told me. I moaned as she fucked me. It felt different this was not a game. She was asking me submit to her. I collapsed and she pulled her cock free.

"Brian would never allow me to do that, I love you" she said laying on my back. She got up and took off her cock and started to get dressed I just laid there for a moment.

" I could meet him without you" She said. "Would that be better?" she asked. She wasn't saying she wouldn't see him just comprises on how. I was now sitting on the bed. She looked at me, and dropped to her knees she took my cock in her mouth and I came in seconds. She stood up and kissed me feeding me my own cum. I swallowed it

"Not as sweet as Brian's is it?" She smiled.w knew she had convinced me. As she finished getting dressed. I got up and dressed as well. We went about out normal routine.

"Stop in there" Judy tod me pointing to a shopping center. We parked in front of her favorite lingerie boutique.

"Come in and help me pick something out special for Brian?" she asked. I paused. "We could get you something too" she smiled. I got out and went inside.

"Brian first, he likes me in red or black" she told me as we walked in. I wondered around

"How about this?" I said pointing out a pretty plain black bra and panty set. Judy walked over to me and looked to the maniquine above where I was looking.

"OH yes, he will love that" she told me kissing my cheek. I looked up where she was and saw a demicup black lace bra with red hearts with ,arching sheer thong and garter belt and stockings. She picked out her size.

"Okay your turn" I needed to top that outfit I thought. But I also loved Judy in pastels. I found a sexy sheer night gown in pink with a matching lace thong. I thought it would look amazing on her.

"Perfect" Judy told me and again found her size. When I went to pay I was in shock. We had spent $250. Judy had added a few pairs of sexy panties to the pile.

"We could put the pink outfit back" Judy told me. With a pout.

"It's okay" I said Judy was even happier when we left.

"Brian really makes you this happy" I said sadly

"No you do, Brian just feeds my physical needs" she told me. "But don't worry I wouldn't forget you" she rubbed my thigh.

"Let's go to the adult bookstore" she said in her sexy voice. I hated that place it always made me feel dirty. But I drove to the other side of town. The parking lot looked empty. We went inside. Judy danced around picking out sexy outfits.

"I could be your naughty nurse" she teased. Putting it back. In the back of the store where the toys. She went straight to the dildos that fit in our harness. And picked up a big black one. She handed it to me.

"That's too big" I said softly.

"Areyou sure?" She smiled. Then picked out another. "I guess this is as big as Brian's" she smiled handing it to me as well. She then found some butt plugs and added them to my pile. She took by the front of my pants and led me to the register. The man behind the counter smiled. As I paid for it all.

"Lube?" He asked me.

"Yes a large bottle" Judy smiled. The man nodded and smiled at her. As he added a large bottle to my bag. I was so embarrassed as we left. But Judy was skipping she was so happy. She was texting so,eome the whole way home.

"Brian wants to meet me again, tonight" Judy told me as we got in the house. I was still unsure about all this. But I nodded

"OH baby you are the best" Judy squealed grabbing the bag of lingerie and rushing to the bedroom. I followed her with the toys. Sue was in the shower. I opened and washed the toys and put them in our toy box.

"Would you like something to eat before you go?" I asked Judy. She popped her head put of the shower.

"That would be lovely" she sang. She was so excited her smile brightened the room. I went to make dinner. When I was just about finished Judy came in depressed in tight leather pants and a low cut blouse showing off the edge of her bra. And high heel shoes. O could see she wore the stockings underneath.

"Smells great" she told me taking her plate. We sat and ate in silence.

"I am late, she suddenly said looking at her watch. She stood I stood as well. She kissed me goodbye and cubbed my balls.

"Don't play with this, ever" she smiled. And left. I settled in and watched the baseball game. And fell asleep in the chair. I woke at 1 am when Judy came home. She was a mess. She didn't even wear her shirt. Just the bra. She looked exhausted I helped her to bed. As I undressed her.i got aroused rolling her stocking off her legs she just watched me as she sat on the bed. I felt dry cum on the inside of her thigh.

"Do you want to taste him again?" Judy asked. As I helped her remove her dirty panties. I shook my head no. And she went to use the bathroom. When she returned I helped her with a clean pair of panties. And her normal oversized tee she slept in. She sat 9n the edge of the bed and pulled my cock out. She slowly gave me a handjob. She had me cum and used her dirty panties to catch it. We didn't say a word just went to bed.

This instantly became a routine. Judy met Brian every Saturday night and gave me a handjob when she returned.

"Judy I want you" I whined one Saturday afternoon. She smiled and went and put on her strapon.

"Bend over" she commanded holding the bottle of lube. I didn't say anything about the larger toy that she had attached to the harness. Just dropped my shorts and bent over the table. She had me lubed and her toy buried in my ass before I knew what was happening.

" I been meeting Brian for nooners and afternoon delights during the week.' Judy told me. She fucked me hard and fast. " I don't think I would feel you inside me after how much he has been fucking me" she continued. I was moaning and bucking back to her.

"You are such a horny anal slut" she teased. I wanted to cum so bad. As she pulled out leaving me feeling empty. She had me strip and help her get dressed in new lingerie. She then handed me thr pink outfit we had bought weeks ago.

"This is in your size" she smiled. And proceeded to make me put it on.

"So fitting, you take it up the ass, and have eaten cum" she told me running her hands over the soft material. She had me make dinner in the outfit then left to meet Brian. I sat and tried to watch the game in the frilly pink lingerie, bit found myself aroused. I wanted to play with myself but instead went to take a cold shower. As I did I noticed Judy's razor and without thinking shaved around my cock and balls. Before getting out and dressed again.

Judy returned early happy to see me still wearing the lingerie. She laid me on the bed and sat on my face feeding me Brian's cum. Then got up put the strapon back on and fucked me with a 10 inch toy. I felt like she would split me in two.

There was no more discussions, she abused my ass whenever the fancy took her. Home, public bathrooms, in the car. She had me wear panties she bought for me. And Brian provided all the pleasure she needed. While I ate everyday of cum either from her used cunt. Or a condom.

I just excepted my place, even when she openly told people how much of a faggot I was.

[sleepyboywrites]

Hii! How are ya? ^^ I hope your well, since I dont know if requests are open I might just send one in anyways, if it isn’t open though I hope you can forgive me 😭 anywho

May I request Brian/Hoodie, Homicidal Liu and Jeff the Killer with a Male!S/O who has a John Doe Personality? This link should be able to explain everything about him, also youtube helps since I know a dude who explains him

Anyways thank you!

You're so sweet! I'm doing alright I hope you're doing well as well!! Requests are always welcome so don't be shy to ask!! <33

Brian/Hoodie, Homicidal Liu, and Jeff the Killer w/ a Male!S/O w/ a John Doe Personality

Tw: Mutual Stalking/insanity, brief mentions of violence, kidnapping, love being treated as a manipulation game.

- You met each proxy at a Halloween party. They had stopped someone from messing with your drink and had watched it for you. They smiled awkwardly at you when you returned and told you that you really should ask someone to watch your drink when you left because some people can be real douches. An act of kindness and caring so foreign to you that you quickly gained an obsession over them.

Brian/Hoodie

• Brian first notices you when you start following him

• He knows you're there he can tell someone is watching but when he turns around and looks for his stalker, he can't see or find you.

• Your skills allow you to ensure that he won't but your emotions are unstable at best so points of weakness can be easily observed.

• Meanwhile you keep looking for a way into his "normal" life. You learn pretty fast his life is anything but normal but you're having a hard time reading him.

• In fact you guys don't talk since Halloween that is until he finds you out and corners you weapon in hand.

• You'll try to explain yourself as he stares at you.

• If you tell him the truth of you finding him interesting but not finding "an in" to his life. He'll cock his head in confusion.

• "I just wanna hang out, honest. Meet me at the Park, 10 pm?" You'll finish with a smile as you walk away with a calm exterior but a giddy and excitable interior.

• To your surprise as you say on the swing set as the clock struck 10 Hoodie arrived. You talked and Hoodie listened with a few nods and one word inquiries and when you asked for another meeting he agreed on the condition you stop following him.

• You do... Or at least try...or find other methods.

• Soon nightly swing set talks because your "in" and after a month or so Hoodie started talking more. You guys really hit it off and you knew the lingering touches held more meaning than being just friends.

• Soon talking one a night at a park turned into him walking you home, handing you his hoodie one cold night, and then to watching you sleep and you couldn't be more ecstatic.

• You find yourself fighting the urge to just stare at him back after all he's the first person to love you the same way you do.

• You settle for facing the window when you fall asleep and using his hoodie as pajamas.

• He likes that and you know it so you use that Intel to further his insanity for you in your game of manipulation.

• Growing annoyed with your teasing Hoodie eventually sneaks in and starts sleeping under your covers with and without you, when he stops by during the day.

• When he stops by on nightly he'll snake his arms around your back and pull you into him all while muttering "mine" and "this boy is mine." repeatedly into the crook of your neck while he does so.

• One night too much is too much and he takes you. Just takes you and locks you away for himself.

Homicidal Liu

• Liu first notices you at the Halloween party, he had been sent after one of the attendants as a mission and that attendant had been the one to try and put something in your drink to begin with.

• The system knew why, as a dark thought, I mean you had a sort of charm to you that seemed to try to attract the most, intense personalities.

• When you took your cup back with a blush on your face and a small thank you on your lips, even he wasn't immune.

• Sully however starts noticing you when you start following and Stalking the system.

• "I know someone's there, come out." Silence before Sully lunges in the direction where you were hiding just for you to not be there anymore. You should've been there but with slight manipulation to your surroundings and now everything is mirrored. You are on the opposite side.

• It takes Liu an embarrassingly long time to connect the dots that his stalker and you are the same person.

•I mean after all you, the sweet boy who's been asking him to go get coffee and go on walks with the charming smile who makes him feel so normal and loved is the same one stalking him? Not possible.

• He feels like he's being mocked by the stalker so finding out the two of you are the same person came as a bit of a shock and left the System wondering which of the presented attitudes was true.

• Least violent about his confrontation. He finally catches you watching one night, pins you down and screams, "Why the fuck are you doing this y/n!?"

• You'll tell him it's because you love him and want to keep an eye on him to make sure he's safe but he won't necessarily believe that answer. Especially since he most likely finds you when his senses are sharp post kill.

• He'll confront you about that too and if you still tell him you love him, with a soft albeit slightly crazy lovesick look as you trace his scars on his face.

• A gesture you've lovingly done time and time again when he started coming to your place for hangouts and he'll lose it.

•Scoop you up at take you with him type lose it and you will have successfully obtained your goal of him falling madly in love with you. As his death grip tightens and bruises from his fingers imprinting to your skin.

• And part of him will hate himself for it because this wasn't part of the mission and what is he going to tell the operator because a boy like you? He's never going to let go.

Jeff the Killer

• The two of you meet again while stalking each other.

• While Jeff believes he's watching you sleeping soundly in your bed you're actually watching him from a tree right beside his hiding spot.

• Jeff suddenly feeling quite threatened starts searching and you who had dozed off in your spot had been spotted.

• He stares at you looks back to where he believed you to be looked back. And when he repeated that process you had somehow, unbeknownst to him, back in your room seemingly asleep.

• That caught his attention and he spent more time just observing you.

• As happy as you were about this you were also incredibly upset because now you had a much harder time watching him. While he got to watch you the easy way you had to rely on your skills which wasn't fair and frankly exhausting.

• You started to try and approach him but he'd never stay or listen. In fact most of the time he'd lunge at and attack you, and while you obsess over all the attention he gives you and find his blood lusting insanity beautiful, it was getting on your nerves that he wouldn't communicate with you.

• You eventually left a letter on the windowsill. Once things calmed down and the normal he stares at you through your window started up again. He took it you know he did and the red tint on his face made your heart melt. It seemed to be a good indicator.

• Weeks pass and he's seemingly stopped stalking you causing a near unbearable amount of despair to make it's roots in your being.

• Another one scared away without a trace and sure you could alter reality to bring him back and to watch him again but with how much you did that to watch him watch you you were exhausted and would need a moment.

• Eventually, however, a response is left lying on your bed when you get home one day. As you scan your surroundings you know someone is still in the room watching and waiting.

• You picked up the bloodstained envelope enthusiastically, gingerly opening it and excitedly reading its contents. Oh what wonderful wonderful news, he had written that with words like that he may just have to take you.

• And I suppose your red face and smile was as enough of a response that Jeff needed. Because then he lunged out of your closet, tackled you, knocked you out, and took you away.

[meatlesbeating]

On Bob Dylan introducing the Beatles to smoking weed for the first time in 1964:

(an excerpt from The Love You Make by Peter Brown, 1983):

On August 28 a small but auspicious event occurred at the Delmonico Hotel in New York that would grow to affect the consciousness of the world: Bob Dylan turned the Beatles on to marijuana for the first time in their lives.

Now, the Beatles did not become marijuana addicts immediately after that—it took at least six months for that transformation to occur—but smoking pot with Dylan gave getting high the Sanctification of the Hip. Before that they had spurned marijuana with a passion; as far as they were concerned, pot smokers were junkies, in the same category as heroin addicts. The pills the boys took were pharmaceutical, illegally obtained but not illegal to take. Shortly after their turn-on with Dylan they began to compose under marijuana’s spell. It didn’t show very much on the next album, most of which was already composed and recorded anyway, but you could almost smell the pungent smoke on the album that was to follow. There was no doubt about it; Dylan had given them a key that opened a door to a new dimension of pop music, and they took the youth of the world across the threshold with them.

John Lennon had long wanted to meet Bob Dylan but not as badly as he wanted to meet Elvis, however. For John, Elvis was a god who had achieved indescribable sanctity. Dylan was a contemporary, and to John just another competitor, although John was a little envious of Dylan’s gift for lyrics. It was only recently that John had begun to take special interest in his own lyrics. His first introspective, autobiographical song, “I’ll Cry Instead,” had been written for the soundtrack of A Hard Day’s Night but had never made it into the movie. The lyrics said, “I’ve got a chip on my shoulder that’s bigger than my feet/I can’t talk to people that I meet.”

That was certainly the case with Dylan. They were introduced by a mutual friend, writer Al Aronowitz, who was one of the first legitimate journalists to write about pop music. Aronowitz had befriended John the previous spring in England, while writing about him for the Saturday Evening Post. At that time John had told Aronowitz he wanted to meet Dylan, but only “on his own terms,” when John had become his “ego equal.” On that August 28, after playing the Forest Hills Tennis Stadium, with the Beatles’ smiling faces on the cover of Life magazine, John was ready.

--

Aronowitz rode in from Woodstock with Dylan in a blue Ford station wagon driven by Victor Mamoudas, Dylan’s road manager and chum. They parked around the corner from the hotel, and Mamoudas, who’s tall, dark, and Sephardic, bombed Dylan and Aronowitz past the crowd of screaming kids into the relative safety of the hotel lobby. There they found themselves with a two-man police escort to accompany them up to the Beatles’ floor. When the elevator door opened Dylan and company were shocked to find still more police, plus a dozen people gaily chatting and drinking booze being served out of Derek Taylor’s room. Included in this group waiting to be admitted to the Beatles’ suite were various reporters, disc jockeys, and the singing groups The Kingston Trio and Peter, Paul and Mary.

Dylan was whisked past these people into the Beatles’ private domain. Brian, Neil, Mal, and the Beatles had just finished a room-service dinner around the dining room table when Dylan appeared in the doorway. He was smaller than the boys had expected, with a hook nose and merry, twinkling eyes, like a Semitic St. Nick. After clumsy introductions officiated over by Brian, the embarrassed tension in the room was palpable. Brian moved the guests into the living room, trying to keep the evening afloat. He asked Dylan and his friends what they wanted to drink, and Dylan replied,“Cheap wine.”

Brian was embarrassed to admit that there was only champagne, French wines, scotch, and Coke in the suite, and Mal was dispatched to get Dylan’s favorite cheap wine. During the wait it was obliquely mentioned that some pills of speed were available, and Dylan and Aronowitz reacted strongly against the idea. Both of them were antichemical at the time, especially speed. In lieu of pills, Dylan suggested, perhaps they’d like to try something organic and green, grown out of Mother Earth’s sweet flowing breast.

Brian and the Beatles looked at each other apprehensively. “We’ve never smoked marijuana before,” Brian finally admitted.

Dylan looked disbelievingly from face to face. “But what about your song?” he asked. “The one about getting high?”

The Beatles were stupefied. “Which song?” John managed to ask.

Dylan said, “You know …” and then he sang, “and when I touch you I get high, I get high, I get high …”

John flushed with embarrassment. “Those aren’t the words,” he admitted. “The words are, ‘I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide …’”

Dylan couldn’t wait to initiate them. The preparations to secure the hotel suite took a half hour before Dylan was even allowed to produce the grass. The doors were closed and bolted, and towels from the bathroom were stuffed into every crevice and crack. The blinds were pulled tight and the drapes drawn against the Park Avenue traffic. Finally, a bemused Dylan was allowed to roll the first joint.

Dylan lit the joint, gave them instructions on how to smoke it, and passed it on to John. John took it from him but was too scared to try it himself and passed it on to Ringo, whom he called “my royal taster.” Ringo held onto the joint and finished it himself while Dylan and Aronowitz rolled half a dozen others.

Ringo started laughing first and set the others off. Like many novice pot smokers they found many trivial things funny. Dylan watched for several hours as the Beatles broke each other up, sometimes with something authentically funny, often at nothing more than a look or a word or a pause in the conversation. For a while they all laughed at Brian, who kept saying, “I’m so high I’m on the ceiling. I’m up on the ceiling …” After the smoke had cleared out they allowed a room-service waiter to come in to clear the dining room and found everything he did reason to convulse them with laughter. Months later “Let’s have a laugh” became the code for “Let’s get stoned.”

Paul was overwhelmed with the momentousness of the occasion. “I’m thinking for the first time,” he said, “really thinking.” So certain was he of uttering gems of wisdom, he demanded that everything he said that evening be recorded for posterity. He had Mal Evans follow him around the hotel suite, writing down every thing he said. (Mal Evans kept these notes—ludicrous pontifications in retrospect—with him up until the time of his death in Los Angeles in 1976. They were confiscated by the police and lost with some of his other belongings.)

The evening was the start of a long, albeit intermittent, friendship with Dylan, and they made arrangements to see him again when they passed through New York at the end of their tour.

[zilabee]

Snippets from Brian Wilson's autobiography from 2016, that are kind of about Paul McCartney without necessarily being about Paul McCartney at all:

I wrote a song for [Frank Sinatra] once called "Still I Dream of It". He didn't say yes to the song, and that bothered me. It was a beautiful song about loneliness and hope.

I love that both Brian and Paul wrote weirdly sad songs for Frank Sinatra and Frank noped out on them both.

We went on our honeymoon at the beginning of 1965. I was sitting around, looking at the water or closing my eyes out on the beach, and a whole song came to me. It was "Girl Don't Tell Me." I didn't have any way to get it down. I didn't have a pen. I didn't have a guitar. I didn't have a piano. But I just heard the whole thing up there, from start to finish and I remembered it well enough to go later and write down the lyrics on a piece of paper. It was a real trip to write a song that way. I thought it would keep happening like that. It never did again.

He laid an egg! Like Paul with Yesterday. There's also another bit of the book where he says that he wrote Girl Don't Tell Me for John Lennon, and considered giving it to the Beatles, and that's why they didn't put backing on it or anything. Maybe you only lay eggs if you're thinking about John Lennon, that's all I'm saying.

Melinda and I got married at a chapel in Palos Verdas. I picked as the date February 6, because it was Marilyn's birthday. That way I figured, I would never forget the date. Melinda agreed.

Marilyn is his ex-wife. He got married on the date of his first wife's birthday. Apparently this is just something that makes sense and isn't weird at all.

Some answers are in my own songs, some answers are in other people's songs. One of the songs that never fails is "Let It Be". I sing it to myself all the time. Whenever it comes on the radio, it lifts me. Whenever I have mental problems, it saves me, big time. It's like a Valium to me.

There are other bits where he mentions Paul and Paul's music explicitly. Times they've met and sung harmony together. He calls him Pablo. He talks about hearing the Beatles and wanting to do something better and so on. He says that he'd still quite like to write a song with Paul but he's not sure that Paul would want to.

I could say that I really worked forever on it, that I spent a year imagining how the melody would work and another year on the lyrics. But the facts are that Tony and I sat down at a piano and wrote it in forty five minutes. […] If you look at the studio logs, it shows almost two dozen takes, but it didn't feel that way at all. "God Only Knows" felt easy. It came out like melted butter.

Writing emotional support songs for one another across the atlantic ocean.

I have heard those voices for a long time, maybe fifty years now. they first came to me when I was twenty-two, after I took LSD. LSD was something that people told me made your mind larger, and that sounded interesting to me. I was interested in exploring ways of getting expanded. The first time I took it, I had to go hide in a bedroom, and I thought mostly about my parents and whether I should be afraid of them. I also started to play what became 'California Girls' on the piano, that sound of the cowboy riding into town. I played it and played it until I heard other things inside of it. But about a week after that, the first voices started to pop up. They'd sound like a real person's voice, a person different from me who I couldn't control, but inside my own head. I didn't know what to do with them. [...] Doctors have told me that the voices didn't come from the acid, that they would have happened anyway, but I'm not sure. I didn't have them before.

That was 1964. I've never been able to work out how well known this was at the time, but Paul talks about not wanting to take lsd to begin with because he was worried he wouldn't be himself afterwards. He must have known stories like this, even if not Brian's particular experience. But if he did know about Brian, it would be even scarier, I think, because even then they must have seen a parallel in how they heard music, how their brains worked in some ways.

Because [Do You Wanna Dance] is a dance song, people don't think of it as a spiritual thing, but it is, because it's harmony.

Only including that because I love how he just believes that harmony is the most important thing in the world. It's a truly religious thing for him, it's one of the loveliest things about the book. His trying to explain how he writes music, is different from Paul, because he thinks it differently, but there's the same sense of 'you just sit there and then you write a song...' There's a great bit where he talks about being in the studio and sitting in front of the mixer, but not touching it, just needing to be near it so he could work out the song. And he's like 'after about fifteen minutes… I mean they said it was an hour or two, but about fifteen minutes… I went over to the piano… I didn't play the piano, but it meant I could explain the harmony'.

There was some big study at a university and the doctors who did the study said that anxiety and creativity are sort of the same thing: both of them are about dealing less with what's in front of you and more with what's in your head. Listening to what's in your head, especially when you're a person with anxiety, leads to negative emotions. But they're also a form of imagination. If you can worry about problems when there aren't problems around, then you can also think of stories or songs when there aren't stories or songs around. You can make things go from not existing to existing.

I'm sure there's another bit that I can't find now, where he talked about realising that if you can make songs, then you sort of have a duty to. Because if you don't make them exist they don't exist.

all quotes from I Am Brian Wilson by Brian Wilson and Ben Greenman

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! I am coming to you with Christmas/reveal update: So first of, Merry Christmas, i hope you had a lovely day. And second: yesterday my day started with my brother waking up probably the whole neighborhood by blasting Christmas music and then he immediately forced me to open presents. His “bad present” to me btw was my own candle that was already half used. So that made me fell a bit better about his present. Let’s get to the thing we all care about, btw i was so fucking nervous, it’s actually ridiculous even though I knew he wouldn’t freak out. Anyway: he opened his present and saw the shirt and he started laughing so much and was like ‘oh fuck i can’t wait to wear this to my check up on Wednesday’ and then he found the note… and he stared at it and then looked at me, looked at the note, looked back at me and went ‘isnt that the site that banned porn?’ Out of all things i thought he’d say, that one wasn’t even near the list. And i was like ‘yeah, im sorry. Originally i just wanted to tell the person how you started watching it and how she kinda had something to do with it and then it just kind of…blew up and other people wanted to hear your thoughts’ and he looked at me surprised and went ‘people…as in plural..*looks at me almost a bit scared* so like…do they hate my thoughts and me oooorrr would we be friends if we met?’ And then i told him that to my knowledge, he was liked and the look on his face was priceless ngl. And then he went ‘show me the blog’ and i had your blog already pulled up all the way down to the first ever message (which holy shit..i almost feel bad for all the spam, bless your heart for putting up with me) and he spent hours going through them. I’m talking every answer/comment/post.. and when he finished he went ‘damn…i was going through it. I’m so glad I matured since then. But im happy they didn’t witness my season 1 reactions’ (he has not matured. He is still the same minus all the meds. During s1 he threw a bag of candy at the tv when Craig showed up..) after that he told on me to our parents and he started that conversation by saying ‘merry Christmas, hey guess what? I’m famous!’ I got in trouble a LITTLE bit BUT he did defend it with ‘no no guys, you dont get it. I’m famous! To like 5 people but that’s still a lot of people!’ He also called our uncle and was like ‘you made bets on me being gay cause of Brian? That’s messed up bro.’ He spent the entire day going through the messages multiple times and told his friends about it.

And then today he wanted me to send you guys a message in his name and i wanted to die inside. His only order was to type everything he says. So my apologies in advance, he proof read this entire message and still wanted to send it as it was. So without further ado, here’s a message from the man himself:

Should I start with hello or sup? Hi everyone, how are you guys? Hope Christmas didn’t suck for you. Yesterday i found out about this blog and my partial participation in it. So hello, first of all I gotta say: Jinx is fucking cool so I already like the person who runs the blog. Make sure you let them know that. And ask what their favorite drag race moment with Jinx was? Okay, second of all: that photo meme someone made with Kevin Hart being Bri Bri was the best fucking thing I’ve seen in a while, it made me laugh so much. I sent it to all my friends to show them, hope that’s okay. Anyway now to the important shit: I am very happy that I was able to entertain you people throughout the last few months even if it was without my knowledge. I am also 100% very fucking confused about it. I actually thought my reactions were pretty fucking normal and that mom and dad were being dramatic but now being able to go back and see them…i would lie and say it was the meds but my sister clearly provided some other stories so I can’t even lie that I’m usually normal. Whatever. But i am happy to learn that I am not the only one when it comes to being in love with Blondie and Brian. Or the real life versions of them. Although there’s not a lot of them in any behind the scenes stuff or even interviews or photos and my sister told me that that hasn’t changed even now, so what the fuck is up with that? I was ready to reactivate my instagram to keep up with them, only to learn that I got better chance seeing Jesus come back to life than to see them post a fucking photo especially Gale. Kinda fucked up and rude but whatever, I’ll live. I think. Probably not.

Anyway, glad to know we had similar feelings about some stuff and that I’m not alone in thinking Mike and Ben are fucking boring. Felt good to be understood. And I’m happy to know that without my knowledge I was accepted into your little club. I read every answer to my sisters messages and even some, is it comments? Well I read those little notes too and some of them made me laugh and you guys all sound pretty fucking dope. I mean someone all the way from fucking Europe kept up with me? I am so sorry to that person but also that’s so cool.

And I want to say thanks for the well wishes! I saw that at the beginning there were some replies wishing me fast recovery and all that shit, so thanks for that! That’s very sweet of them especially since they don’t know me. Let them know i find out on Wednesday if I can go home next week and that i might get my cast removed. Okay, now i leave them with my farewell message: You guys are cool, thanks for making me a member of the club. I appreciate that a lot. Fandoms are fucking dope cause it’s just bunch of people loving the same thing and isn’t that fucking cool to think about? Just bunch of people coming together because of their love for something. So it’s nice to be in another fandom. I met my best friend cause we both love Iron Man. Hug your homies or whoever you want and pet an animal if you can! And while you’re at it, tell a republican to go fuck themselves. Especially right now. Bye. Let them know I threw a peace sign up at the end.

FRIENDS IF YOU ARE READING THIS GO TO MY BLOG AND READ FROM THE START OF THE MOST RECENT UPDATES BECAUSE THIS IS THE SWEET SWEET FINALE TO THIS CRAZY LITTLE TRIP.

Hello brother anon! (Dear sweet anon, please show him this message). I’m so glad you’ve taken this all with a big heart and a sense of humor. But give what your sister has shared with us and the way you’ve joined your local drag community, I didn’t think you would be super pissed. But you never know. As this is a show that has been off the air for nearly 20 years, the fandom is small and we very rarely get new content (the newest content was 2020) so having your updates via your sister was an incredible breath of fresh air. Thank you from the entire tumblr fandom!

This? This is what it’s about:

Fandoms are fucking dope cause it’s just bunch of people loving the same thing and isn’t that fucking cool to think about? Just bunch of people coming together because of their love for something. So it’s nice to be in another fandom. I met my best friend cause we both love Iron Man. Hug your homies or whoever you want and pet an animal if you can! And while you’re at it, tell a republican to go fuck themselves. Especially right now. Bye. Let them know I threw a peace sign up at the end.

This is what it is all about. Fandom is about the people just as much as the canon on which it is based. We are small but mighty and we are happy and delighted to welcome you with open arms.

My favorite Jinkx moments? Oh god, to have to choose? Ofc her iconic snatch game performances - all stars 7 of course of course but her snatch game as Little Edie on S5… whenever I wash my hair and put it up in a turban I like to go find my spouse (not hard, we live in a 2 bedroom apartment) and quote her line “I can never tell if it’s caviar or giblets for the cats” and I get bonus points if I actually grab a can of cat food for my performance. I’ve gotten to see her live twice - her and Dela’s holiday show in 2019 (I think - or it was 2018) and her most recent one-person show. I am SO EXCITED TO SEE HER IN DOCTOR WHO.

Much love to both of you - Siblings Anon. (makes fist) Ally.

[dreaming-marchling]

Hey Babe!

Just wanted to tell you again how great your series is!!! I have ADHD and you're my current hyperfixation...(and honestly have been since I discovered MiT), and I'm I fall in love every time I re-read.

So I have a few questions, is your next chapter going to be MiF or SiC? And if its MiF where are we in the timeline? And whose Pov?

Question 2! So we, as readers, know that Brian thinks that Dom is the best thing since sliced bread. No, wait since Easter. But does Dom know this yet? Beause I'm still getting some 'I can't fuck this up vibes' everytime that Dom has to bring up something even a little uncomfortable, but in Brians Pov hes giving Dom a gold star at least once a day.

Its my headcannon that eventually Brian pulls a Dom and buys some stars and starts handing them out for every worthy event. But it's not just gold stars, it's the whole bronze, silver, and gold range! I just know that Dom would be genuinely touched while the team would be having a 'WTF is going on' moment the first day

I also have another headcannon that Brians not just slipping his gold stars in his drawer, but he accidentally made himself a star chart by getting himself a journal and putting his newly earned stars in there and making notes about how/why he could have earned this one. He would be acting like a criminal investigator trying to solve a mystery. And if Brian would start gifting some stars, Dom would be doing the same thing. Every star would be an absolute mystery to him, and he would need to figure it out so be could earn more, but Brians reasons would be so off the wall to him. There would be mass confusion.

Another question... what are the personalities of the Kelly Clan? (I saw this name in the comments, and I fell in love, lol) I know that Brian should probably get a break, but the angst would be too good if they weren't. Also, I definitely know that they would not be ready for the feral disaster that Brian is. The team has had more than two years with Brian, and they still get surprised by him constantly. The Doyles could not handle the chaos.

I also kinda wanna see the Toretto Family (the aunties and uncles) going absolutely feral at the idea of someone trying to take away Dom's skinny white boy. My heart would attempt to burst if the entire family showed up to some official type of meeting for moral support or something...

Anyway, this is already really long, and I should probably end my thought process here...

Sending you lots of love ❤️, Blue

I've been living in your comment since I got it! I'm truly so thrilled you're enjoying and I'm honored to be a hyperfixation, lol :)

Re: MiF or SiC - Definitely SiC, I have another story posting right now so there won't be any MiF until I finish that, so minimum a few weeks. I have a few options for what it could be so I'm unsure. Dom's POV or non-Dom's POV to be contemplated. If you have feelings on that feel free to weigh in (no guarantees, lol, the muse goes where the muse goes, especially when the muse in question is supposed to be blessing me with editing powers).

Question 2 - All of the revelations in the hotel after the punch definitely helped Dom understand that a shift has happened in Brian regarding his trust in Dom and his (un)willingness to leave. Though we haven't had a Dom's POV of this post-punch shift yet we're seeing Dom acting with this in mind in SiC - for instance he pushes Brian to read that letter and buy the clothes when before he might have done more tiptoeing around it or backed down if Brian got mad. So he definitely understands that in Brian's eyes he's doing a lot better than Dom often thinks himself. Debatable if he agrees but still a balm to the weary soul.

Stars - I live for all of these stars thoughts! Especially the bit about Dom having to figure out his stars. If he started getting told about (or handed) his stars then he would definitely be confused by some of them. Brian hands them out for some offbeat things sometimes lol. We will continue to see the stars being awarded mentally and literally! We perhaps might even have things coming that are relevant to your interests... ;)

Kelly Clan - Technically they're the Doyle Clan lol but I like Kelly Clan too. I WANT to talk about them but alas even though I'm cool with letting little spoilers slip on tumblr, the big spoilers must remain unspoiled. Also, I want you to wonder about them and their intentions just like Brian is. An immersive experience, if you will ;) That letter won't be the last we see of them though!

The Torettos - Unfortunately we aren't going to see loads of them in SiC but I do love writing for them. I have some MiF I'm working on that includes them more, including ones we haven't seen in the main story yet, so hopefully I get those finished to share :)

This was truly such a fun comment to get, I can't thank you enough. More SiC today or tomorrow!

[bechloeislegit]

STRONGER Chapter 3

"It isn't your fault, you know," Chloe said just as Beca pulled into the parking lot. "I can tell that's what you're thinking."

"I know," Beca said. "It's just the timing and all. I can't believe my dad's been cheating on my mom. I haven't really liked my dad because of the way he's acted since I came out. And, now, knowing he's cheating on my mom, I'm not even sure if I love him anymore."

A lone tear fell down Beca's cheek. Chloe reached over and wiped it away with the pad of her thumb.

"Let's go inside," Chloe said. "We can talk."

"Okay," Beca said.

The two girls rode the elevator in silence. As soon as they entered the apartment, Chloe went to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. She set the glasses down on the coffee table and poured wine into both. She handed a glass to Beca, sitting down next to the younger girl.

"Thanks," Beca said, taking the glass and downing a big sip of her wine.

"Do you want to talk now?" Chloe asked as she sipped her wine.

"I'm not sure what there is to talk about," Beca said, looking into her glass of wine. "You pretty much saw everything tonight. I'm gay, my dad can't accept it, my dad's a cheater, my mom loves me, I don't think my dad does, and now my folks are getting divorced. Did I miss anything?"

"How about this?" Chloe said. "Instead of talking about all that, I'll tell you a secret about me that no one else knows, and then you tell me about losing your boy and girl v card at the same party."

"Wow," Beca said with a laugh. "You really aren't going to let that go are you?"

"Nope," Chloe said with a smirk. "Do you agree? I tell you mine, you tell me yours?"

"Sure, why not?" Beca said. "Go ahead."

"Okay," Chloe said. "So, um, my best friend Aubrey and I had sex when we were Freshmen. We did it mainly because we were drunk and she was curious. I knew I was bi and had sex with a girl before, so it didn't seem like a big deal. I never told anyone, and I don't think she did either. After we did it, she thanked me and said she was definitely only into guys. I was fine with that because, and don't tell Aubrey I said this, it wasn't that good. Sex with girls is awesome, but that night, not so much."

Chloe downed the last of her wine and poured herself more. She held the bottle out to Beca and poured more for her as well.

"Your turn," Chloe said, waving her glass at Beca.

"Wow," Beca said. "So, um, what part is the secret? That you had sex with your best friend or that it was bad?"

"You're an ass," Chloe said with a laugh. "And, both actually."

"Sorry," Beca said and laughed as well. "I promise I won't say anything to anybody."

"Thank you," Chloe said. "Aubrey would die if it came out now. So, quit stalling. Get to it. Tell me your story."

"Okay," Beca said, taking a sip of her wine. "Well, I was a Freshman in High School, and I was dating this guy, Brian, who was a Sophomore. He invited me to this party his sister was having, and, of course, there was beer and liquor. I wasn't drunk, drunk, but I was definitely super tipsy. Anyway, he took me to his room, and he started kissing me. One thing led to another, and we had sex. It was awful. He seemed to have a great time, but I didn't enjoy it one bit."

Beca drank some more wine and looked at Chloe. Chloe was sitting with her elbow on the back of the sofa and her head leaning on her hand.

"After he finished, we went back to the party," Beca said. "We started playing spin the bottle, and his sister's spin landed on me. We got to the middle, and she kissed me. It was a really good kiss, and as I pulled away from her, she grabbed me by the back of my neck and started kissing me again. We really kind of got into it, and everyone around us started whistling and catcalling. When she finally pulled back, she took my hand and led me to her room. We never made it back to the party."

"Wait!" Chloe said, her eyes wide. "You lost your v cards to a guy and his sister on the same night?"

"Yep," Beca said. "Sex with Diane was way better than sex with Brian. It was about 2 months after that and after several more romps with Diane that I came out to my parents. I always found myself attracted to girls, but after being with Diane and Brian, I knew that I was definitely gay."

"Wow," Chloe said. "Did you and Diane date or anything?"

"No," Beca said. "She was a Senior, and we hooked up whenever we got the urge. Then she went off to college, and I started dating someone, so we didn't do it anymore."

"Your story is way more interesting than mine," Chloe said with a smile. "Any other stories you'd like to share tonight?"

"No," Beca said and drank down the last of her wine. "I think I just want to go to sleep and let this day be over already."

"Okay," Chloe said. "It is kind of late. Do you want to go for a run again in the morning? I figure I'll head out about 7:00 if you're interested."

"Sounds good," Beca said. "I'll set my alarm for 6:30. If I'm not up by 6:45, come get me."

"I will," Chloe said.

Beca went to her room. Chloe took the wine glasses to the kitchen and washed them. She went to her room and was standing at the door when Beca walked out of her room to go to the bathroom. She saw Chloe looking a little worried and walked over to her.

"You okay?" Beca asked, causing Chloe to jump.

"You scared me," Chloe said, putting her hand to her chest.

"Sorry," Beca said. "I didn't realize you were so lost in thought. I saw you earlier today, standing here looking into your bedroom. Why do you do that?"

"It's, um," Chloe muttered. "I just have a fear that someone is hiding in my room waiting for me."

"You want me to check to make sure no one's in there for you?" Beca asked.

"You're not going to make fun of me?" Chloe asked quietly.

"No," Beca said. "Why would I? Everyone has a fear of something. As a matter of fact, if you see a spider, don't call me. I hate those things."

Chloe gave her a small smile. She glanced in her room and then looked back at Beca. Beca gave her a smile.

"I got this," Beca said and stepped into the room.

Chloe grabbed Beca's arm. "Be careful."

Beca smiled again and went into the bedroom. She looked all around the room and checked the closet, the ensuite bathroom, and under the bed. She went back to Chloe at the door.

"I promise you," Beca said. "No one is in there. Okay?"

"Thanks," Chloe said.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Beca asked.

"No, um, that's okay," Chloe said nervously, not moving to enter her room. "I'll be fine."

"Um, can I stay anyway? Please?" Beca said, seeing how nervous the redhead was to go in alone. "I kind of don't really want to be alone after all that happened with my dad."

"Oh, in that case, sure," Chloe said. "You can stay here with me."

"I'll just finish getting ready for bed and be back in ten minutes," Beca said. "Okay?"

"Okay," Chloe said and, after taking another quick look around, went into her room.

Beca went to Aubrey's room and got changed. She brushed her teeth and went to Chloe's door. She knocked and walked in when she heard Chloe say, "Come in."

The two girls got into bed; each lying on their back on their own sides of the bed.

"Thanks for being, you know, decent about everything tonight," Beca said.

"Don't mention it," Chloe told her with a smile. "So, you're afraid of spiders, huh? Want to tell me why?"

"Ew, yes, I hate them," Beca said and shuddered. "It's from when I was a little kid. I was about 4, and my parents were watching a movie on TV. I snuck downstairs to watch, and the movie had this big gigantic spider that was attacking people. I had nightmares for what felt like months. Ever since then, I've hated spiders and freak out whenever I see one. Especially if someone doesn't kill it because I think it's out there, getting bigger and bigger, and then it's going to come back for me."

"I can totes see why that would be scary," Chloe said and then laughed.

"Hey, it's not funny," Beca said and slapped Chloe on the arm. "I didn't laugh at you."

The two girls lay there laughing lightly until they both were quiet again.

"Want to tell me why you think someone might be hiding in your room?" Beca said. "Did your family have a break-in or something?"

"Something like that," Chloe said quietly.

Both girls lay there, again not saying anything for a few minutes.

"I found out when I went home for the summer that I have a stalker."

Beca jerked her head up and looked over at Chloe. She didn't say anything and listened as Chloe continued.

"His name is Roger Daniels, and he apparently saw me in a store when I was home earlier for Spring Break," Chloe said. "He became obsessed with finding me. So, when I went home for the summer, I went shopping, and he saw me again. He followed me home and waited until my parents and I had gone out for dinner. He broke in and hid in my bedroom waiting for us, waiting for me to come home."

Chloe stopped and wiped tears from her eyes. Beca moved closer to Chloe and pulled her into a hug. Chloe held onto Beca and buried her face in her neck.

"You don't have to tell me this," Beca said. "I don't want you getting upset."

"No, it's okay," Chloe said. "I feel like I need to tell somebody, and I actually feel safe with you."

"Okay," Beca said and held Chloe tighter. "I'm here for you. Take all the time you need."

"Thanks," Chloe said and cleared her throat.

Chloe snuggled closer to Beca. Beca had to strain to hear when Chloe began speaking again.

"We, um, we got home kind of late," Chloe said. "I wasn't that tired, so I stayed up for a bit. My parents went to bed because they had to work the next day. I went up to my room an hour later. I remember thinking how quiet it was. I went into my room, and when I opened the closet door, he came out and grabbed me, putting his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream. He held a big hunting knife up to my face and told me I had to be quiet or he would use the knife on my parents."

Beca could feel Chloe trembling. "Do you want to stop?" Beca asked softly. "You don't have to tell me any more."

"No," Chloe said. "I, I want to tell you."

"Okay," Beca said. "But, don't feel like you have to continue. You can stop anytime."

Chloe held onto Beca's shirt and gathered her thoughts. Beca just held her and waited patiently for Chloe to decide if she wanted to continue.

"He laid down on the bed with me," Chloe continued telling her story. "He held me from behind like the big spoon and kept the knife in front of my face, so I would constantly see it. I guess I fell asleep, and when I woke up, he had his hand over my mouth. I could hear my mom and dad moving around, getting ready for work. I wanted to scream but he was too strong and his hand was still covering my mouth. I struggled, but I couldn't break free from him. He made me lay there with him until we heard my parents leave the house. I was really scared because they would be gone all day. I was crying because I didn't know what he was going to do with me."

Beca could feel Chloe's tears on her neck and her shirt. She continued to just hold the older girl and let her tell her story. Chloe wiped at the tears.

"Did he, um-," Beca murmured. "Did he, you know?"

"No, thank God," Chloe said and shuddered at the thought. "But, I was so afraid he was going to. Instead, all he did was force me to cook him breakfast, and then he held me while we sat on the sofa watching TV. He kept talking about how great it would be once we were married. I was so scared that I just sat there. Around 2:00 or so, there was a knock on the door. He pointed the knife at me and told me to get rid of whoever was there. He stood behind the door when I opened it. It was our mailman. He said he had a package for my dad that he needed a signature for. I told him he had the wrong house, that it was actually for the neighbor next door. He looked at me, and I kept giving side glances to the door, hoping he'd realize something was up. I could tell he figured it out because he apologized and left. Daniels watched out the window as the postman looked at the package and then calmly walked over to the house next door. He had the neighbors call the police."

Chloe stopped, and Beca held her breath. Chloe's tears had slowed, and she was speaking in an almost monotone voice like she wasn't herself.

"Maybe we should stop," Beca said.

"No," Chloe said quickly. "I need to do this, and there's not much left to tell. About 10 minutes after the mailman left, an officer came to the door and said that my car was parked illegally and I would have to move it. I quickly glanced at Daniels, and the officer saw me and realized someone was hiding behind the door. He grabbed me and pulled me outside as he shoved his shoulder against the door, knocking Daniels down. I ran out and went over to the neighbors. The officer grabbed Daniels as soon as he entered the house, and they started fighting. Daniels stabbed the officer just as another officer ran in. Before he could grab Daniels, he ran out the back door. The officer chased him but lost him, and Daniels got away. There was a manhunt, but they never found him. When they searched his apartment, they found sketches he had drawn of me. Some of them were graphic and pretty disgusting, according to the police. Since he got away, I've been so afraid he would find me again. I'm even more afraid because they don't know where he is. His name is flagged, so if he gets arrested anywhere, the Tampa cops will be notified. But, for now, he's just out there. Somewhere."

Beca lay there not knowing what to say. She thought how frightening it must have been for Chloe.

"Did the cop survive?" Beca asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," Chloe said. "He was lucky. The wound wasn't very deep and didn't hit any vital organs."

"If you ever get scared," Beca said. "Or your roommate isn't going to be around, call me. I'll stay with you or pick you up. Whatever you need. Okay?"

"I can't let you do that, Beca," Chloe said as she sat up and looked at Beca. "I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Chloe, I've seen how you get," Beca said as she sat up. "You've had like two or three panic attacks in as many days. I know what to do to help you. So, I don't care where you are or what time it is, you call me, and I'll be there, wherever there might be. That, or you'll have to tell Aubrey everything."

"I don't want Aubrey to know yet," Chloe said quietly. "She's already stressing about the Bellas and school. If she knows about this, she'll freak out even more. I can't have us both freaking out over this."

"Then there's your answer," Beca said and rubbed Chloe's arm. "You'll call me. Just be honest with Aubrey. Tell her our moms were friends when we were both really young, and they ran into each other, and we started hanging out. That way, it won't be weird if you invite me over and stuff."

"Thanks, Beca," Chloe said after a few minutes. "It means a lot to me that you're willing to do all this."

"Let's get some sleep," Beca said. "It's getting late."

"Goodnight, Beca," Chloe said and laid down.

"Goodnight," Beca said and got comfortable. "And don't worry, you're safe with me."

"Okay," Chloe said. "Thank you."

Minutes later, Beca and Chloe were asleep.

Sometime during the night, Chloe woke up and found herself with Beca's arms around her, holding her close. She felt safe and slept through the rest of the night without having a nightmare for what felt like the first time in months.

~Stronger~ ~Stronger~ ~Stronger~

The next morning, Chloe woke first and found herself in the little spoon position again, and she didn't freak out. A smile came to her face as she relaxed in the safety of Beca's arms. She lay there for a few more minutes enjoying the safe feeling. She saw it was almost 6:30 and decided to wake Beca so they could get ready for their run.

"Hey, Beca," Chloe said and gently shook the younger girl.

"Hmmm?" Beca mumbled.

"It's 6:30," Chloe said. "Do you still want to go for a run with me?"

"Yeah," Beca said and stretched a bit. The two girls sat up, and Beca smiled at Chloe. "I'll get changed and meet you downstairs. I want to pack up my stuff, so I won't have to do it later."

"Okay," Chloe said as the two got out of bed. "I'll see you downstairs in thirty minutes."

Beca went to Aubrey's room to pack and get dressed. Once she was ready, she took her bag and left it by the front door. Chloe came down a few minutes later.

"Hey, why don't we take one of the trails that lead to Barden," Beca suggested. "We can get coffee at the diner close to my dorm."

"Sounds good," Chloe said. "Last one to the diner has to buy?"

"You're on," Beca said. "And no cheating this time."

"And try not to be a sore loser when I beat you fair and square," Chloe said with a laugh.

Beca lost the race and bought their coffee. They are chatting over coffee, and Beca is surprised they haven't run out of things to talk about. She was almost sad to leave when Chloe said they should head back to the apartment. They are laughing about something as Chloe opens the door. Chloe froze then she heard a sound coming from somewhere back by the bedrooms as if someone was rummaging around. They both stood in the doorway, not knowing what to do. Chloe started shaking, so Beca took Chloe's hands and got her to look at her.

"I'm going to check it out," Beca whispered. "You go across the hall and ask them to call the police. Stay there until I come to get you, okay?"

Choe just stood there looking pale and frightened, tears streaming down her face.

"No, please don't leave me," Chloe pleaded and grabbed Beca by the arm.

"Okay, okay," Beca said and pulled Chloe to her. Beca walked them out the door and quietly closed it. She maintained her hold on Chloe and hurried to the door across the hall. She knocked, keeping her eye on Chloe's apartment door. A man answered, and Beca saw a brunette woman standing behind him.

"We're sorry to bother you," Beca said. "I'm Beca, and this is Chloe. She lives across the hall, and we came home just now and heard a noise coming from somewhere near the back by the bedrooms. She's really scared, and we were wondering if we could stay here and call the police."

"Absolutely," the man said and let the two girls in. "I'm Jesse. Do you want me to check it out? It could be nothing."

"That's a good idea," Beca said and gave him Chloe's key. "I'm sure it's nothing, but it will definitely help make Chloe feel better."

"Stacie, if I'm not back in ten minutes, call 9-1-1," Jesse said. The woman nodded as Jesse grabbed a baseball bat by the door and left the apartment.

"Come in and sit down," Stacie tells them. "I'm Stacie Conrad. Jesse's cousin."

"I'm Beca Mitchell, and this is Chloe Beale," Beca tells her. "Chloe's family had a break-in a few months ago, and they, um, walked in on the robber. It really affected her."

"You poor thing," Stacie said. "Would you like some water or something?"

Chloe just nodded her head as she continued to cling to Beca. Stacie went to the kitchen.

While Stacie was gone, Beca helped Chloe get her breathing under control. Chloe's anxiety hadn't been that bad before then. She clung to Beca's arm as Beca held her.

Once she was calm, Chloe quietly asked Beca, "Do you think he found me?"

"No," Beca reassured her. "It could have been anything. Let's wait to see what that guy Jesse finds, okay?"

Stacie handed Chloe the water, and she thanked Stacie. It wasn't long before Jesse walked back into the apartment. He was followed by a very upset blonde.

"Chloe!" the blonde said, running over to her. "Are you okay?"

Chloe just nodded and let the blonde grab her into a hug. Chloe clung to Aubrey like she had been clinging to Beca.

"Um, you must be Aubrey," Beca said, moving away from Chloe to allow Aubrey to take over comforting the redhead. "I'm Beca. Sorry about all this."

"She was just unpacking when I made it to the room she was in," Jesse told them. "I told her who I was and why I was there. She immediately wanted to come to check on her friend."

"Oh, God," Chloe said. "I'm so sorry, Brey. I thought you weren't coming until later."

"It's okay, Chlo," Beca said, rubbing her arm. "No harm done."

"Who are you?" Aubrey asked, looking at Beca.

"Oh, I'm Beca Mitchell," Beca tells her. "Chloe and I had just returned from a run and heard a noise when we entered the apartment. Chloe got a bit freaked out because her family walked in on a robber a couple of months ago when she was home for Summer Break."

Beca again couldn't believe how easily the lie came out.

"Chloe, why didn't I know about this?" Aubrey asked the redhead.

"I didn't think it was that big a deal," Chloe responded, feeling much calmer now. "I didn't realize how much it had affected me until I thought someone had broken into our apartment. Thanks for your help, Jesse. I'm sorry we bothered you."

"We're neighbors," Jesse said with a smile. "It wasn't a bother. It's what neighbors do."

"Well, thank you anyway, Jesse," Aubrey said. "For helping Chloe and Beca."

"Do you all go to Barden?" Stacie asked.

"Um, yeah, we do," Beca responded.

"Stacie's my cousin," Jesse said as if he wanted to make sure the girls knew he was single.

"That's, um, nice," Aubrey said. "We'll leave you guys alone. Thanks again."

"It was nice meeting you all," Stacie said. "I'm glad everything turned out okay."

The three girls exit the apartment and walk across the hall. Beca entered last, so she closed the door and stood there, unsure of what to do. Aubrey and Chloe were sitting on the sofa.

"Beca, get over here," Chloe said.

Beca slowly walked over to the redhead and sat in the chair opposite her.

"Brey," Chloe said. "This is Beca Mitchell. She's an incoming Freshman at Barden. Our families knew each other back when we were both really young. My mom and I met up with Beca and her mom while we were out shopping. Beca, this is my best friend and roommate, Aubrey Posen."

"It's nice to meet you, Aubrey," Beca said quietly.

"You, too," Aubrey said. "I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here?"

Beca opened her mouth but shut it just as quickly. She didn't know what Chloe wanted to tell Aubrey. She looked over at Chloe.

"She stayed here with me," Chloe said. "Because of the robbery and everything, I was afraid to stay by myself, and she offered to keep me company until you got here."

"Oh, I see," Aubrey said and turned toward Beca. "Thank you, Beca. For being there for Chloe."

"No problem," Beca said, looking at Aubrey. "Um, since you're here and Chloe won't be alone, I'm going to head home now. Chloe, don't forget my mom has invited you two to dinner at our house tonight."

"Are you cooking?" Chloe asked.

"Probably," Beca said. "I've been craving Mexican food since I didn't get any last night."

"Mmm, sounds good," Chloe said. "I'll be there. Brey? How about you?"

"Yes, thank you," Aubrey said.

"Great," Beca said and smiled. "I'll see you guys around sixish. I'm just going to change before I go, if that's okay with you?"

"Sure," Chloe said. "Go change."

Beca grabbed some jeans and a shirt out of her bag and left the room. Chloe watched her with a small smile on her face.

"You like her," Aubrey said.

"What?" Chloe said. "No. I mean I like her because she's been really nice to me. But, that's it."

Aubrey didn't say anything. Chloe looked at her and saw Aubrey giving her a look telling her she wasn't convinced.

"What?" Chloe asked.

"Come on, Chloe," Aubrey said. "It's me you're talking to. I know your I really like someone look, and you're wearing that look right now."

"Okay, fine. I do kind of like her," Chloe admitted. "She's so easy to talk to, and she barely knows me, and she offered to stay with me so I'd be more comfortable. Plus, she's really hot. So, yeah, I like her, but she's been such a good friend, and I don't want to scare her off."

Beca came back and threw her dirty clothes in her bag, and reached for the door. "It was nice meeting you, Aubrey," she said to the blonde. "I'll see you both later."

"Nice meeting you, too," Aubrey said.

Chloe walked over to the door and stepped outside with Beca. She grabbed Beca in a hug and said, "Thanks for everything, Beca."

"You're welcome," Beca said with a smile. "And, don't forget. If you need me, I'm there. Okay?"

"Okay," Chloe said.

"Oh, I changed the sheets on Aubrey's bed," Beca said. "I didn't feel right using her bed and not changing the sheets."

"You didn't have to do that," Chloe said. "But, thanks."

"I'll see you guys around six," Beca said.

"We'll be there," Chloe said.

Beca gave Chloe a small wave as she turned and walked away. Chloe watched until Beca reached the elevator. She sighed and went back into the apartment, hoping Aubrey wouldn't keep asking questions about why Beca was there.

A/N: Another shoutout to @anotherbechloeshipper for betaing for me.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Care to share the John struggling with sexuality findings… feel as if it would nice to learn

Wow this is a HUGE question. I'll try to gather some evidence (I was actually doing a Notion doc on this as a sideproject lmao but it's nowhere near finished)

This is definitely not a complete list (and most of this will be old news to people who've been on here for a while), but it's quite extensive and hopefully helpful to someone who's just starting to research this, I'd say. Also feel free to come back and ask, if you have more specific questions about this once you read this!

Also, when I was almost finished with this post, tumblr froze on me and I hadn't saved the post as a draft and the text couldn't be copy-pasted anymore. I freaked out since this took me hours, but was able to salvage the raw, unformatted, paragraphless text by getting it from the page inspection thingy (pro-tip!). So, I had to reformat everything and add the sources back in (but least the sources on the frozen page were still clickable so I didn't have to go hunting for them again, just had to recopy the links over).

Point is, there might be mistakes in here because of that :(

April 1963 Trip to Barcelona with Brian Epstein:

(here's some background info on the trip if you're not in the know.)

• Pete Shotton, John's childhood friend's account of a conversation with John shortly after the trip (from the book John Lennon: In My Life)

I visited John at Aunt Mimi’s a few days after his return to England. And when he started in about how much he had enjoyed Spain, I could hardly resist taking the piss out of him. “So you had a good time with Brian, then?” I smirked. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

I was somewhat taken aback when John didn’t so much as crack a smile. “Oh, fuckin’ hell,” he groaned. “Not you as well, Pete!”

“What do you mean, not me as well?”

“They’re all fucking going on about it.”

“It’s OK, John. Don’t take it so serious. I’m just joking, for Christ’s sake.”

“Actually Pete,” he said softly, “Something did happen with him one night.”

Now that wiped the grin right off my face. Had I even dreamed there might be any truth whatsoever to the rumors, I would never have made light of the subject in the first place. Still – as John surely knew – I would have stood by him, and let the rest of the world handle the business of passing moral judgement, even if he had just told me he’d committed murder. And John would surely have done the same for me.

Which, after all, is what true friendship is all about.

“What happened,” John explained, “is that Eppy just kept on and on at me. Until one night I finally just pulled me trousers down and said to him: ‘Oh, for Christ’s sake, Brian, just stick it up me fucking arse then.’

“And he said to me, ‘Actually, John, I don’t do that kind of thing. That’s not what I like to do.’

“‘Well,’ I said, ‘what is it you like to do, then?’

“And he said, ‘I’d really just like to touch you, John.’

“And so I let him toss me off.”

And that was that. End of story.

“That’s all, John” I said. “Well, so what? What’s the big fucking deal, then?”

“Yeah, so fucking what! The poor bastard. He’s having a fucking hard enough time anyway.” This was in reference to the “butch” dockers who, on several recent occasions, had rewarded Brian’s advances by beating him to a bloody pulp.

“So what harm did it do, then, Pete, for fuck’s sake?” John asked rhetorically. “No harm at all. The poor fucking bastard, he can’t help the way he is.”

Comment: Pretty eyebrow-raising to offer yourself up like that if you don't on some level desire it, but at the same time this plus John's violent reaction to Bob Wooler insinuating something happened weeks later to me indicates he was not feeling very secure and normal about what had happened.

• John himself on the trip (from his 1980 Playboy interview)

I went on holiday to Spain with Brian... which started all the rumors that he and I were having a love affair. Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But we did have a pretty intense relationship. And it was my first experience with someone I knew was a homosexual. He admitted it to me. We had this holiday together because Cyn was pregnant and we left her with the baby and went to Spain. Lots of funny stories, you know. We used to sit in cafs and Brian would look at all the boys and I would ask, 'Do you like that one? Do you like this one?' It was just the combination of our closeness and the trip that started the rumors.

Comment: "Never consummated" might be consistent with Pete's account if to John "consummation" entailed some form of penetration. It's left to the imagination what John might've meant by "almost a love affair". Also, his interest in how Brian experiences his own sexual orientation is of note, regardless of the extent to which something between him and Brian happened, I'd say.

• John on the trip (from his 1970 Lennon Remembers interview)

Q: Let me ask you about something else that was in the Hunter Davies book. At one point it said you and Brian Epstein went off to Spain.

A: Yes. We didn’t have an affair though. Fuck knows what was said. I was pretty close to Brian. If somebody is going to manage me, I want to know them inside out.

Comment: This is kind of weird to me, because Brian had been signed on as his manager for over a year by April 1963. John wanting to "know him" seems a bit late by this point. He might not be lying though and just genuinely have confused some memories.

• John on attacking Bob Wooler at Paul's 21st birthday party (Interview with Andy Peebles, 1980. I can't for the life of me find a full transcript of this but here's a post transcribing this bit and the audio is on Youtube, I haven't double-checked the transcription though)

The Beatles’ first national coverage was me beating up Bob Wooler at Paul’s 21st party because he intimated I was homosexual. I must have had a fear that maybe I was homosexual to attack him like that and it’s very complicated reasoning. But I was very drunk and I hit him and I could have really killed somebody then. And that scared me…

Comment: John is directly expressing that he once doubted his own sexuality. Obviously, this does also slightly read like a denial, in that his use of "must have had a fear" sounds, grammatically, like that fear was perhaps unfounded.

At the same time, can you blame him for backing out of admitting to this, if that's what's going on? I also sort of personally doubt he ever got to a point in his life where he was actually fully comfortable with his attraction to men, and even went through phases where he actively repressed/denied it.

• John on attacking Bob (1971 interview with Peter McCabe & Robert D. Schonfeld)

I remember it, vaguely. I was out of me mind with drink – when you get down to the point where you drink all the empty glasses, that drunk. And he was saying, “Well, come on, John, tell us,” something like that, “Tell me about you and Brian, we all know,” like that. And obviously, I must have been un– uh, f– frightened of the fag in me to get so angry at that. You know, when you’re twenty-one, you want to be a man, and all that.

Comment: The same as above, essentially

John and Paul (+ Yoko's suspicions):

• John on his expectations from a romantic/creative partner (1972 Interview with Sandra Shevey)

It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?

Comment: Even in a quote technically denying being attracted to men he seems to express a wish for having such a relationship. The last statement kind of feels like at least some part of him wants to hold hands with the men he's worked with.

• John (+ Yoko), when asked about how people perceive his relationship with Yoko, bringing up Paul (Interview with David Scheff 1980; this didn't get printed by Playboy)

JOHN: Well, that’s rubbish, you know. Because nobody controls me. I’m uncontrollable. The only one that can control me is me, and that’s just barely possible. [Yoko laughs] But that’s what life is about. And that’s the lesson I’m learning. Because – nobody ever said anything about Paul having a spell over me, when I was with him for a long time. Or me having a spell over Paul. They didn’t think that was abnormal, two guys together.

YOKO: They might have. [laughs]

JOHN: Or four guys together. In those days? Why didn’t anybody ever say, “How come those guys don’t split up? I mean, what’s going on backstage? I mean, what is that Paul and John business? Why – you know, how can they be together so long?”

Comment: John clearly sees a parallel between JohnandPaul and JohnandYoko (where few saw it) and uses it to demonstrate a hypocrisy he perceives. However, when claiming no one found his and Paul's relationship oddly close, Yoko calls this into question; she appears to disagree with John's assessment that what he and Paul had was "normal". Also, John correcting from it being about two people to about four, only for him to return right back to just him and Paul is of note to me.

• John, on how he feels about his relationship and partnership with Yoko (December 1970, Rolling Stone)

It’s just handy to fuck your best friend. That’s what it is. And once I resolved the fact that it was a woman as well, it’s all right. We go through the trauma of life and death every day so it’s not so much of a worry about what sex we are anymore.

Comment: Just pretty interesting, considering how often he compared Yoko directly to Paul and made allusions to replacing him with her. Also, his comment on having to resolve the fact she was a woman is odd (but he very well might be talking about the role of a "best friend" and deconstructing some type of misogyny that stopped him from opening up to women). John generally had an interesting perspective on the roles of being a friend, a sexual partner, a creative partner and how those intersect.

• John to Paul reflecting on the songs they've been writing for the Get Back sessions (Get Back sessions, January 24th, here's the audio, I don't have a link to the video. It's in episode 2 or 3 of Get Back though)

PAUL: It’s like, uh, “We have to get back.” “We’re on our way home.”

JOHN: Yeah.

PAUL: There’s a story. There’s another one – ‘Don’t Let Me Down’. “Oh darling, I’ll never let you down.” Like we’re doing—

JOHN: Yeah. It’s like you and me are lovers.

PAUL: [reserved] Yeah. [pause]

JOHN: We’ll just have to camp it up for those two.

PAUL: Yeah. Well, I’ll be wearing my skirt for the show, anyway.

Comment: Paul not flatout laughing at the comment kind of makes it seem like the vibe John was giving off here wasn't a joke (Paul knowing him well, would probably have a better feel for this than we do). But I will say that Paul during this period generally seems to have had trouble reading John and his emotions.

• Yoko on John and Paul (from the book John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman, which Yoko later revoked her endorsement from)

From chance remarks he had made, she [Yoko] gathered there had even been a moment when—on the principle that bohemians should try everything—he had contemplated an affair with Paul, but had been deterred by Paul’s immovable heterosexuality. Nor, apparently, was Yoko the only one to have picked up on this. Around Apple, in her hearing, Paul would sometimes be called John’s Princess. She had also once heard a rehearsal tape with John’s voice calling out “Paul … Paul …” in a strangely subservient, pleading way. “I knew there was something going on there,” she remembers. “From his point of view, not from Paul’s. And he was so angry at Paul, I couldn’t help wondering what it was really about.”

Comment: I've already talked about how problematic and ambiguous this passage is but the basic gist of it is quite clear: Yoko felt justified in suspecting John had sexual feelings for Paul. She had reason to believe she wasn't the only one suspecting this.

Misc. other things John (allegedly) said on this topic:

• Yoko on her and John discussing the terms of an open marriage in 1973 (John Lennon: The Life)

There was even some discussion, albeit not very serious, of whether he should stick to his own gender. “John said ‘It would hurt you like crazy if I made it with a girl. With a guy, maybe you wouldn’t be hurt, because that’s not competition. But I can’t make it with a guy because I love women too much, and I’d have to fall in love with the guy and I don’t think I can.’”

Comment: It's odd of John to suggest going out with a man if he doesn't actually want to, isn't it? We're also missing any hint of how Yoko reacted to the suggestion so this passage is eyebrow-raising to say the least. Especially given that Yoko appears to have had suspicions about John and Paul. It's not unreasonable to assume he backed out the moment Yoko showed some resistance towards the idea.

• John mixing up pronouns when reflecting on his partnership with Yoko (1971 Peter McCabe/Robert D. Schonfeld)

And it was like finding gold or something. To find somebody that you can go and get pissed with, and have exactly the same relationship as any mate in Liverpool you’d ever had, but also you could go to bed with him, and – it could stroke your head when you felt tired, or sick, or depressed. It could also be Mother. And obviously, that’s what the male-female – you know, you could take those roles with each other. And if the intellect’s there, [and] you know, compatible, well it’s just like – we’re in the pools.

Comment: I don't usually like to put too much weight on misspeaking because I think it happens without much reason most of the time. However, John saying "him" and then switching to "it", and not bothering to explicitly correct himself is interesting. He also barely falters, doesn't laugh about the mistake. It doesn't appear to be a normal instance of misspeaking to me because of this.

• John talking about what he aspired to be as a teen (I'm not actually sure what interview this clip originates from but it appears to be from 1975)

I was thinking, if only I could get out of Liverpool, be famous and rich, that would be great. I’ve always wanted to be a famous artist, you know? Possibly I’d have to marry a very rich old lady… or man, you know… to… to look after me while I did my art. But then Rock & Roll came and I thought ‘Ah, this is the one’, so I didn’t have to marry anybody or live with them, you know?

Comment: John openly suggesting he wanted to marry a man at some point.

• John in an interview during the "Lost Weekend" on all the press coverage his split from Yoko was getting at the time. (December 1975 interview with Lisa Robinson)

Yes, all your best friends let you know what's going on. I was trying to put it 'round that I was gay, you know– I thought that would throw them off... dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys... but it never got off the ground.

Comment: Here, he is openly admitting to wanting people to think he is gay. It does seem to be quite a jokey tone though. Still, not the most common joke for straight people to make.

• John, interviewing himself, bringing up bisexuality (Andy Warhol's magazine, 1974)

Q. I’m sorry. Just a few more questions MR. LENNON, I’m sure you understand I have a deadline… my editor… etc..

A. Alright then, GET ON WITH IT!

Q. Have you ever fucked a guy?

A. Not yet, I thought I’d save it til I was 40, life begins at 40 you know, tho I never noticed it.

Q. It is trendy to be bisexual and you’re usually 'keeping up with the Jones’, haven’t you ever… there was talk about you and PAUL…

A. Oh, I thought it was about me and Brian Epstein… anyway I’m saving all the juice for my own version of THE REAL FAB FOUR BEATLES STORY etc.. etc..

Q. It seems like you’re saving quite a lot for when you’re 40..

Comment: Honestly, the awareness of bisexuality currently being trendy and bringing it up is extremely interesting to me, as someone who has accused myself of faking my own sexuality for attention. It makes it seem like this is not something he took lightly, even if he is joking about it here.

There's also something on Tony Manero who openly claimed John came onto him multiple times and called him bisexual but I've heard that people have had trouble confirming he's a real person I think (?), so I didn't include it. You can read his account here though.

As I've said, this list isn't comprehensive, there's a few more anecdotes that I've either seen people mention but haven't come across the original source yet or stuff other people see as compelling evidence that I don't agree is relevant. Also, of course, I might have forgotten some things.

Here's some other places you can check out, off the top of my head:

My John speculation tag

My John-Paul speculation tag

My John-Brian tag

@thecoleopterawithana's "I'm not a homosexual" tag

@amoralto's oh john and awkward best friend talk placeholder tags

[rwprincess]

Head Over Feet (Brian Johnson x Fem!Reader)

Masterlist

Word Count: 4.8k

Synopsis: What’s that sound? It’s another anachronistic Brian Johnson songfic! (Based on Alanis Morissette’s Head Over Feet) You’re one of Bender’s trash-punk friends and things change drastically when he brings the scrawny brain from detention with him to meet you all. Set up in snippets, your relationship develops with Brian, even if you weren’t really looking for a relationship.

CW: Teenage smoking (including reader), swearing, parental abuse (being being kicked out), sexism, angst and fluff

“This is Johnson,” Bender indicated the boy he brought along to your group’s spot under the bleachers.

“Brian, please.” The kid corrected. You eyed the gangly youth from top to bottom; in his sweater over a crisply-ironed collared shirt and khakis, he definitely didn’t fit in here with you all. You’d be called grungy punks at best. You didn’t think any of you even owned an iron and crisp definitely wasn’t your style. You blew out a puff of smoke, exhaling the nicotine from your lungs and shifted your gaze to Bender, wondering what he was at with this. He wasn’t the best guy, but pranking this preppy little nerd by bringing him down to your hangout? That seemed beneath him.

“You, uh, running some kinda charity here, Bender? We’re not exactly Make-A-Wish material, kid.” Scorch told the blonde dweeb and you snorted at the thought.

“Shut the fuck up,” was all Bender said in response. The rest of the twenty minutes of Brian Johnson standing there was of course, incredibly awkward and it was clear to everyone that he didn’t fit in. But that didn’t stop him from coming back a week later. And again a few days after that. And again and again until, well, that dork had grown on the lot of you. While he didn’t partake in cigarette smoking like most of you, he did take Bender up on his weed on several occasions and was actually really funny while high. He did weirdly spot-on impressions and had a sense of humor that none of your group had anticipated.

And, as much as you would vehemently deny it, you liked him when he was sober, too. He was incredibly smart and helpful and while his jokes were different without marijuana in his system, he could be amusing. That first awkward encounter was back in March, maybe April. But now you spent time with him without the convenience of school pulling you together. Now it was June and you sought to spend time with him, even without the group. Tonight, you were laying in a field not far from the high school, just the two of you. You liked to listen to him ramble on about the constellations and the myths about why they were named as they were. You remembered liking that as a kid, but you didn’t remember most of the stories. You knew you could ask him questions about the actual stars, too. Like, the science of it, and he would know. But you’d rather let him ramble and tackle one subject at a time. Even though he focused more on science and math, he was a pretty good storyteller, and right now that provided you with more of an escape than talking about the chemical composition of a star. When he finished his retelling of Ursa Minor’s story, however, he remained silent and didn’t start up a new piece of lore. After a moment, you looked at him to see what the hold up was, but you just caught his eye as his gaze was already fixed on you. Your heart started pounding in your chest because you knew what was coming.

“You know, we could go on an actual date some time.” Brian suggested, breaking the silence. You closed your eyes, almost wincing at the words. He was generally more subtle than this, but the same idea had been brought up before. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Brian. In general, you did, and in the honest depths of your soul, it was as more than a friend. But, every time it came down to this subject, you panicked. You had never been serious with anyone and the thought of dating was completely foreign to you. You had messed around with some guys before but you never had feelings for them. You didn’t know how to depend on another person, to have an actual relationship with them.

I had no choice but to hear you

You stated your case time and again

I thought about it

You sighed, your eyes still closed. You didn’t know what to tell him. Before, he always left it as more of a hint and it was easier to dodge. Now he was just coming out and saying it. Basically asking you out, so you would actually have to turn him down this time. The terrible thing was, you didn’t really want to. The conscious side of you wanted to agree and go out with him, on a proper date. But your subconscious kicked you into fight or flight mode and if you weren’t in the middle of a field, you might have picked flight and walked away. But that didn’t seem to be an option.

“Look, Johnson. It’s not that easy. Just...don’t waste your time on me.”

“I’m already wasting my time on you.” He pointed out, but when you took a peek at him, he didn’t seem upset about it. He was actually grinning about it. “We’re already wasting our time out here. Or at the library, or under the bleachers… So why not like, a movie theater or dinner, or my house?”

“Oh yeah, your mom would love having me around.” You joked, humorlessly. The smattering of times you had met Brian’s mother hadn’t gone swimmingly. You could read the derision in her voice and knew she did not approve of her good little baby hanging out with a ne’er-do-well like you.

“She’d come around. You’re different once someone actually gets to know you.” He meant it as a compliment, but you took it as your out.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You leapt up, indignantly and he just gaped at you like a fish out of water.

“I didn’t mean anything bad by it, I swear!” He put his hands up defensively as you looked down at him. “Forget it, I’m sorry.” You had victory, he dropped the subject and your friendship could last another night and you could try to pretend like he wasn’t right, that you two weren’t meant to be something more.

*~~~~*

You treat me like I'm a princess

I'm not used to liking that

You ask how my day was

For the most part, working at Bert’s auto shop felt worthwhile and valuable. Other days, it chewed you up and spit you out. It was hard being in such a masculine environment and not fitting into that type. Customers (mostly men, but even the women too) thought that you were less knowledgeable and handy than your cohorts. Bender’s teasing didn’t help that image, either.

Now you slid into the booth at Gino’s pizzeria utterly deflated and defeated. Of course, Brian took notice right away. “Rough day?” He inquired, pushing a menu towards you even though he knew you ordered the same thing every time.

“That’s not even the half of it. Why does Bender hafta be such a dick all the time?!” You asked, incredulously but sincerely, diving right into your problem.

“I don’t know. I think he thinks it’s part of his charm? Maybe it is. I mean, we’re still friends with him.” You nodded at his point, but clenched your fists just the same.

“I just wish he knew when to back off sometimes. Like, he never realizes he’s taking it too far and digging you further into a shithole.”

“What did he do this time?” Brian’s gaze on you was unbroken; it made you feel important, like your opinion, your story, was the only thing that mattered.

“So we got this old guy in the shop today. Beautiful car, so of course he was hesitant with me touching it.” You began and his eyebrows furrowed, already not liking the direction this was going. “And I’m trying to prove myself worthy to work on this car, even though I would just be doing an oil change, which isn’t like a big deal anyway, right? Simple stuff.” You looked to him to get acknowledgement to move forward.

“I mean, I guess. I don’t really know about oil changes or anything about cars. But I know you do.”

“Right, so Bender has to go and make a crack to the old guy about how they won’t let me near it and I’m just the secretary for the shop or whatever. Just a total dick move. But of course the guy believed him and laughed with him and sent me to go get him a cup of coffee? I mean, what the hell is that?”

“That’s not right. And you wear a mechanic’s uniform at work, why would he think--?”

“Because macho man Bender told him I was! He was more believable than me.” You sank back and put a hand up to brace your forehead as the waitress approached the table. You prepared to order your drink when she set down exactly what you would have ordered in front of you and walked away, promising to come back in a few minutes. You blinked at the cup as if it magically had appeared.

“I uh, figured you’d get the usual and you’d need it when you got here, so I ordered for you. I hope that’s okay.” Brian said and then looked away, suddenly embarrassed by the idea. Since he wasn’t looking at you anyway, you allowed your lips to twitch up into a smile threatening to break out on your face...but only for a moment.

“Yeah, whatever. So anyway, Bender…” you carried on, pretending nothing happened, but secretly cataloguing his gesture in your memory.

*~~~~*

The only thing worse than arguing with Brian or him pissing you off was him making you laugh. There were times that you would go home with sore sides and itchy eyes from the tears that formed while laughing so hard. Then you would always, always reflect on the hours you just spent together, feeling the warmth and butterflies tickle your insides and a nervous heat would prickle your skin as you thought about how happy Brian made you. He never pushed you to do anything; he liked you the way you were. Sure, he would drop hints here and there about how you should stop smoking or give you advice when you had a particularly bad argument with one of your friends, but overall, he just accepted you. And you knew how hard that was to find.

You had never been popular and when junior high rolled around, you accepted that you never would be. You found your own little group of outcasts who understood what it was like to be kicked down time and again, and now he had somehow joined that group too. You knew he understood how it felt. Even though he looked different and came from a very different social circle, he had been looked down upon by his peers all his life. You were guilty of judging him the same way when you first met him, but now you couldn’t imagine life without him. He was cut of the same cloth and you could see yourself in him, which is why you just clicked. And he was so kind and so patient with you. You tried to push him away dozens of times, to put up the barriers and the walls that worked so well for everyone that came before him; you couldn’t be hurt if you never got attached. Where most people gave up and only saw the cold, distant bitch you gave them, Brian always saw something more. He didn’t give up in breaking down those walls, and even accepted just being your friend. That made you love him even more.

Shit, wait. Did you just think about loving Brian? A crush is one thing. Having a buddy to fool around with is one thing. Being in love was quite another.

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault

*~~~~*

Mercedes Johnson was all about keeping up appearances, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hear her arguing with Brian on the other side of the door, about you. Again. You had known from the second you met her that she didn’t like you. She was instantly worried about the influence you’d have on her son; it was a common reaction from parents based on the way you looked and the company you kept. You would think you’d be used to it by now.

However, it truthfully bothered you more because this was Brian’s mother. You were hoping that she would be different and see the person underneath like her son had, or at the very least, that she would eventually warm up to you. You had no luck with either.

“I’m not comfortable with having her over at the house right now.” You could hear her tell Brian.

“She’s my friend, ma. Of course she’s going to come over--”

“I’m aware of that but you know I wish she weren’t. I would prefer that you keep the company of other friends.” The formality of her sentences while she was still cruelly putting you both down made you cringe.

“You don’t know her because you won’t give her a chance. She’s not that different from my other friends.”

“You have friends in the Physics Club, from Knowledge Bowl, Honor Students. You don’t need the association with a hoodlum like that or John Bender and I don’t know why you keep insisting on bringing them into my home when I have repeatedly told you no. I don’t want them around your sister, or even you!”

“Fine. Then we’ll leave.” You heard the door swing open harshly and Brian was motioning for you to follow him out of the house.

“Brian Ralph Johnson!” You heard his mother cry after the two of you. Brian held open the front door for you and you looked at him cautiously before rushing out. You knew you weren’t wanted there, but you were worried that he wouldn’t come with you. You were even more worried that he would. “You are not leaving this house.” Mercedes put on the most intimidating tone you had witnessed her use.

“No, I am. We are. I’ll see you later.”

“Don’t bother coming back tonight if you walk out of this house!” She was now pink-faced and losing all of the reserved, polished look you had seen her have. She had never been so...uncomposed.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.” Brian said and grabbed you by the elbow as he escorted you down the driveway to your car. He immediately got into the passenger seat and as you sunk behind the steering wheel, you glanced at him.

“Brian, this is stupid. You don’t have to---you shouldn’t do this.” The whole situation reminded you of the many times you had been kicked out of your house. This was just another home you weren’t welcome in.

He clenched his jaw in response. “Let’s just go. I’ll figure it out later. Please, just drive.”

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole

You're so much braver than I gave you credit for

That's not lip service

“Your mom gave you a choice, you know. It’s not like she told you to get out. She actually told you not to leave.” You said as you both sat on the trunk of your car, looking out across the field that was slowly turning to a golden hue, both from the afternoon sun and the change into autumn. Neither of your houses were really an option to go to, so you just chose the empty field that you would look at stars in during the summer.

“It’s not like it was really a choice though, was it? I’m tired of her trying to control every part of my life. I need to start thinking for myself, doing things for myself. She needs to understand that I’m going to do what I want, and like who I want to like.” He looked at you meaningfully for a moment, but you looked away quickly. It was too heavy for you to process right now.

“That’s a big step. I’m really impressed with you for standing up for yourself.” You told him, and he gave you an appreciative, heart-stopping smile in return that caused your cheeks to flush. Your parents had shouted at you to leave so many times before, any time you were ‘inconvenient’ for them, that it was hard to relate to someone who chose not to stay. But you wanted to support him and you did feel proud of him today. You thought back to the most recent event in which you had been dismissed from your family, and how you had tried to take it out on Brian:

You slammed your locker and watched him almost jump out of his skin. “I don’t want to talk about this.” You growled at Brian.

“I understand that, but you need to. You can’t just--”

“Just what?”

“You can’t just act like nothing happened or run away from it...run away from here.” You had been disciplined at school yet again and your parents had had enough. You had a big fight with them the night prior and did not sleep in your own bed. The tiredness racked your body today and you were stiff from sleeping in your car. If it weren’t for the social aspect, you wouldn’t have bothered coming to school. But you quickly realized you weren’t in the mood to talk to anyone, and you were only making the situation worse.

“Like hell I can’t.” You stated, quickly turning to walk away.

“Y/N, don’t. Come on, talk to me. Tell me what happened. We can figure it out together.”

“There’s nothing to figure out, bucko. I’ll be fine. I’ll do this on my own. I’m used to that anyway.”

“But you don’t have to be alone, Y/N. That’s what I’m saying! That’s my whole point: I’m here for you!”

“I didn’t ask you to be, Brian.”

“No, because friends don’t have to ask.” His words scared you. Nobody had so adamantly offered to be a safety net to you before.

“Yeah,” you scoffed, “we’re great friends. We’ve bonded so much in the, what, four months you’ve known me?” You rolled your eyes, trying to make him feel uncomfortable, to drive a wedge between you. You only knew how to put up walls, how to run.

“You know we are.”

“Yeah, sure, right. Friends. Not like you want to sleep with me or anything.” You tried to drive another knife into him, to play it off like he was following you only because he had a crush on you, one you tried to pretend wasn’t reciprocated. “It’s not going to happen, Brian. So just accept that we’re not friends.”

He let you get about three steps away before you heard him say, “No. I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work. Sure, part of me wants something more, but...I care about you, Y/N. And if we can just be friends, I am happy with that, I swear. But don’t do this to me. Don’t try to shut me out or walk away or act like you’re fine. I know you well enough to know you’re not.” When you turned around, you could see that he had tears rimming his eyes, threatening to fall, which made your own tears spring up as well. “I am your friend. I’m not going to just let you go and do something stupid. You are going to talk about this. If not to me, then someone else. But you can’t just run away or sleep in your car or, or…”

“Okay.” You said, softly.

“Okay?”

“Fine, let’s talk about it. I screwed up again and my parents kicked me out. So what do I do?”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I...we’ll think of something.” He began to tell you, but you bit your lip and drowned him out in your own sobs. Everything crashed in on you at once; you hadn’t escaped in time. You slid down your locker wall and sat on the floor. Brian joined you and put his arm around you tentatively.

You are the bearer of unconditional things

You held your breath and the door for me

Thanks for your patience

After that day, you knew he wouldn’t let you go. You tried your best to brush him off, to hurt him, to land irreparable blows. But it was all in vain; he stuck by you. You admired how he stood up for you, for your relationship, whatever that meant. He didn’t back down, even though you knew he genuinely cared what you thought. He was willing to put everything on the line just to be with you, in whatever capacity you would allot him. And today, he had chosen you again. He had picked a fight with his mother and chosen you. He placed you above being safe and comfortable and at home right now.

“I’m sorry, this must seem so stupid to be complaining about. I know I don’t have it that bad, it’s just that--”

“No, your problems are valid, too. Your mom sucks.” You told him and he laughed, “But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t...weird to have someone be given the choice to stay instead of being yelled at to get out and that you’re worthless and---I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make this about me.” You said softly, looking down at your hands.

“No, I get it. It’s gotta be on your mind a lot, the uncertainty. Plus, I don’t mind talking about you.” He nudged your shoulder with his own, trying to be playful but you knew he meant that. He always put you first. You couldn’t help your next impulse as your hand shot up to cup his face and you leaned in and kissed him roughly. You weren’t entirely sure why you had done it. It would probably change everything and you couldn’t tell if you were doing it selfishly to feel like someone cared or to keep him around or because you truly wanted to. Of course, he kissed you back, and the feeling it gave you pushed a lot of those doubts from your mind.

You're the best listener that I've ever met

You're my best friend

Best friend with benefits

What took me so long?

*~~~~*

The kiss in the field still didn’t mean you were “together.” Realistically, it complicated things for a while. You avoided Brian for a couple of days and didn’t discuss it when you finally caved in to your desire to see him. He didn’t bring it up either, even though there were many times he would look at your lips like he wanted to make a move again, but you never talked about it. Things began to look “normal” after about two weeks. You spent time at the record shop, or under the bleachers with your friends or in the library with his friends. He nagged you about giving up smoking and you finally listened, much to his surprise.

“What made you finally decide to quit?” He asked, looking at the nicotine patch on your arm. You shrugged, not wanting to tell him the truth.

“I guess I just finally got tired of you being a broken record, mother hen.” You teased him, but he just smiled because he was happy with your choice. The truth of the matter was, you had done it for him. While you weren’t with him, you wanted to be. You didn’t want to keep doing something that bothered him so much, but you also knew that eventually, your habit of smoking would cost time with him and you didn’t want that. You lied to yourself that you didn’t want a relationship and weren’t thinking about a future with Brian, but you were. Every time he helped you study or encouraged you to do your best, the time your parents were out of town so he had made you his “specialty” of spaghetti in your kitchen, when you drove him around singing songs together on the radio...you thought about doing those things with him forever and instead of the fear you used to feel at such a thought, you felt happiness. You anticipated a future with him, something to look forward to.

I've never felt this healthy before

I've never wanted something rational

I am aware now

I am aware now

*~~~~*

“It’s kind of weird, yeah. But they’re cute together, I guess.” You had just returned from a movie with Bender and Claire. You were surprised at how long their relationship had lasted, especially since you had hated Claire at first. You assumed she was dating Bender as a statement, but it had been over six months and they were still together and it just seemed to work.

“It must be nice to have someone like that. Even if they don’t make sense, they care about each other. It just must be a nice thing to have a relationship like that.” Brian looked at you for a moment before backpedaling, realizing he must have made it sound like he was guilt-tripping you. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you out again. I really just was complimenting them--”

“Well, maybe you should.” You cut him off.

You realized how rare a find like Brian truly was. He always put you before himself; he listened to all of your problems and knew when to offer solutions and when to just listen. He was endlessly supportive, and kind. He kept taking giant risks just to be with you, to show you that you mattered to him. You knew, without him saying it, that he loved you. Why else would someone go to the lengths he did, just to make you happy? You had tried everything to shake him, to get rid of him so neither one of you would be in too deep to get hurt. But he stayed, and now, you wouldn’t want him to go anyway. It was too late; you were both already in too deep.

He just blinked at you, sure he had heard incorrectly. “Wh-what?”

“I said, maybe you should. Ask me out again.”

“Y/N, do you want to go out with me?” He asked, unsure. It felt like a setup, but he knew you wouldn’t do something so cruel to him.

“Yes.” You replied, softly.

“Why?” He asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“I don’t know. I guess you won me over.” You chuckled, but he failed to see the humor in it, so you changed to a more serious tone. “Brian, I thought that these feelings would go away, that you would go away. Lord knows how hard I’ve tried to push you. But...you didn’t and the feelings didn’t. I-I love you. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep loving you, I don’t want to waste my time with anyone else. And...And I think that you love me.”

“I do.” He breathed quietly, with zero hesitation.

“So, why fight it any more? I was afraid that I would hurt you, but I think I’ve already done that and you’ve stuck around.” He nodded in confirmation of that fact. “And I was scared that I would get hurt but...but I’ve realized that you won’t do that to me, either.”

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault

He took your hands in his, “You’re serious? You really want this? Because, you know how I feel. How I’ve always felt.” You nodded in response, tears quickly filling your eyes, which was a rarity for you. He leaned in towards you to kiss you, for the first time since your conversation in the field over a month ago. He waited for you to be ready in every aspect of your relationship and you had never known so much love and respect before. It took some adjusting to, but he had pulled you in and made you fall for him again and again.

Just gonna tag my buddy...

@90sinequity

[queenshelby]

The Last Semester – Part 21

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,856

Warning: Pregnancy, Angst

A week had passed since Cillian found out about the pregnancy and he had been nothing but gentle, helpful and responsive since. Every day, he asked you how you were feeling. He brought you prenatal vitamins and constantly reminded you to drink enough water. He even risked a black eye on several occasions when running into your father who was struggling with the situation and has refused to speak to Cillian again. He was furious and blamed him for everything, thinking that he should have been the responsible adult.

You weren’t sure whether Cillian did all this simply for the fact that you were pregnant or whether he wanted to get back together with you and, whilst you hoped that the latter was true, you wouldn’t make it so easy for him this time around. He had to fight for you if you were what he wanted.

You loved him, but part of the trust you had built throughout your relationship had faded after he pulled away from you for the second time when he faced what you thought were just a few small hurdles. What you didn’t know was that, in fact, the hurdles he was facing, weren’t so small at all. He was deeply conflicted and being with you could cost him much more than his friendship with your father. It could also cost him his career and this was something he began to slowly realise.

***

It was a Sunday afternoon and Cillian was waiting for Nadine, his ex-wife, to pick up the boys from his home.

As usual, she was late and his sons were getting frustrated having to wait around for her once again.

‘This sucks dad’ Charlie growled, causing Cillian to calm him down whilst, deep down inside, he hoped that Nadine would arrive soon as he had invited you over for dinner that evening and, the last thing he wanted, was having you and Nadine in the same room together

Until recently, Nadine had again broken court orders, withholding contact to the boys on several occasions. If it wasn’t for the fact that Charlie had his own mobile phone, Cillian wouldn’t have been able to communicate with them at all for weeks.

It was like a game to her. Whenever Cillian was even remotely happy with someone else, she would come out to play and he soon regretted having given her another chance earlier that year before he took the teaching position in London.

When she found out about you, all hell broke loose. She felt humiliated and embarrassed especially knowing that her attempts to get him back were futile.

And the worst of it all was that she knew about you for a very long time, using you as leverage against Cillian until he finally gave up and let you go.

It was that night, when he called you, breaking up with you when he found out that you were his friend’s daughter, that he slipped. He slipped with Nadine because she was there to pick up the pieces when he was at his worst.

Whilst this little hiccup didn’t result in anything more than a few kisses, it was a mistake and he knew that it was a mistake. The worst of it all was that it gave Nadine hope in a situation where there was none. After all, he loved you and not her.

Of course, Nadine was willing and able to use this against Cillian. She had already threatened him on many occasions to make public the many façades of their marriage and how he chose a young girl over the mother of his children.

This was exactly what his agent was worried about. He knew Nadine for many years and he knew about the skeletons in Cillian’s closet and, whilst there weren’t many, they could become quite scandalous.

Being with you and loving you was too difficult. It was an against all the odds type of situation. A twenty-year age gap was hardly going to be successful. Was he going to risk everything to simply give it a try?

***

Finally, at 6 o’clock, Nadine’s car pulled up in Cillian’s driveway and she quickly jumped out of her seat and ran towards the front door.

‘I am sorry I am late. I got caught up with a friend’ she said in a haste.

‘You could have called’ Cillian then said before allowing her inside.

‘Why, do you have a date?’ she then chuckled, causing Cillian to sigh and call out for the boys.

Just as they emerged from their bedrooms, you also pulled up in the driveway and Cillian immediately knew that this would be problematic.

You noticed Nadine’s car but walked towards the front door of the house anyway and Cillian was quick to let you in after giving you a polite kiss on your cheek.

‘Hey’ you said, greeting Nadine who didn’t bother to say anything to you but, instead, roll her eyes.

‘What is she doing here?’ Nadine then asked Cillian, ignoring your presence.

‘I invited her. Why?’ Cillian asked somewhat annoyed and Nadine immediately huffed in disapproval.

‘I don’t want her to spend time with my children. It sends the wrong message to them’ Nadine explained.

‘And what message may that be Nadine?’ Cillian asked rather irritated before Nadine escalated the situation and, once again, insulted you.

‘You think it’s a good idea to show the boys that this is ok? Being with someone that much younger who clearly isn’t compatible in any sort of way?’ Nadine then said before Cillian told the boys to wait in the car as he didn’t want them to hear the conversation between him and their mother.

‘Can you not do this in front of the children?’ Cillian asked angrily after the boys left with their Gameboys.

‘Do what? You are the one who is fucking a uni student, not me’ she then shouted and it soon became too much for you to listen to.

‘Hey, listen, I am going to go. This is awkward and I don’t want to be in the way, really’ you then said, feeling uncomfortable.

‘Wait on Sweetie. I am not finished’ Nadine said and you turned around at the door, rolling your eyes at her as you did.

‘Did he tell you that, when he visited Dublin a few months ago, he spent time with me? Just the two of us?’ Nadine then asked before telling you how she was very well aware of Cillian’s needs and that you were likely too young and inexperienced for him and he would have realised this by now.

‘Nadine, that’s enough!’ Cillian growled, interrupting Nadine as she went on.

‘I am going’ you then huffed out, irritated and upset. She was taking it too far and you didn’t need this in your life.

‘Y/N, hold on’ Cillian said, trying to hold you back but you shook your head and left. You didn’t want to deal with this.

‘Just remember what I have against you Cillian. Surely, if this becomes public, Y/N might get some ideas. Poor thing, so young and innocent. Also, the boys are staying with me for the next two weeks’ Nadine chuckled somewhat amused.

‘Fuck this, Nadine. I have had enough of this crap. Fucking do it, eh! Send it to the fucking paper just as you have threatened for years. I no longer give a shit and in so far as the boys are concerned, I will be in contact with my lawyer tomorrow. A fit and proper person doesn’t use their children as leverage. Fucking wake up, would you’ Cillian growled before storming outside with the boys’ backpacks and putting them into Nadine’s car before giving each of them a hug and saying goodbye to them.

‘Love you guys, see you on Wednesday’ he said with a warm smile before getting into his own car with the view to drive after you to apologise about Nadine’s behaviour and having you get caught up in this.

***

As expected, just before Cillian arrived at your house, he received a call from his agent Brian who was clearly upset and annoyed.

‘We have a problem Cillian’ he said with an almost terrified voice.

‘I know. Her name is Nadine’ Cillian chuckled.

‘I have seen it. Just then. She sent it to me via email’ Brian said concerned.

‘Did you enjoy it?’ Cillian laughed.

‘You need to take this seriously Cillian. Nadine also told me that you are back with the girl’ Brian then said.

‘She held this against me for fucking years and I played along for the boys’ sake, but I can’t keep going like this’ Cillian then explained, causing Brian to sigh.

‘This and the fact that you are with a 20 fucking something year old who also happens to be your friend’s daughter is a fucking disaster mate. You need to break it off’ Brian argued.

‘She is pregnant’ Cillian then said, knowing that this would annoy Brian even more.

‘You are fucking kidding me. Fuck mate. For your career’s sake you need end it with this girl quietly, pay her, get her to sign an NDA’ Brian explained.

‘No Brian, I won’t be doing any of these things. Let me tell you something. I married Nadine because she was pregnant with Charlie. I never loved her. I simply did what others told me was the right fucking thing to do. This is probably why our relationship was so messed up. I was about to do this again, listening to what others tell me is right or wrong and what is good for me. Listening to you, to Nadine, John and my mother. But, luckily, this time, I just came to my fucking senses’ Cillian said just before he pulled up in front of your apartment building.

‘She is twenty years younger than you, what do you think will happen in twenty years? Will she still be around? Will she be worth all this?’ Brian then asked somewhat upset.  

‘I don’t know, but I am keen to find out’ Cillian said as turned off the car.

‘This could be career suicide Cillian’ Brian said.

‘Perhaps. So, I suggest that you work hard for your commission while you still can and use these connections of yours to make publication of what Nadine has sent you hurt as little as possible’ Cillian chuckled.

‘It’s a sex tape Cillian. What the fuck do you want me to do about it? Censor it?’ Brian asked.

‘If you do, keep the good parts, eh? I need to go’ Cillian said.

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[enshia]

Chapter 1

Synopsis: Joshua Brian Briks(jw) the heir of PenVrogè a famous clothing brand company, and Terenz Jade Baillairgé(jay)the heir of Borôugh another clothing brand company who was rival with PenVrogè since a long time ago; Terenz who was still deeply in love with his past lover who he’s still trying to forget; and Joshua a naive young man who was trying to find happiness and love. Joshua and Terenz was “meant” to fall in love, that’s what Nathan believed, so what’ll happened when they finally got together will they live happily ever after or will it lead to Shakespeare’s famous tragedy of Romeo and Juliet.

Genre: angst, stranger to lovers, drama.

Note : this is originally an au on twt, and I posted this in here since no one is reading it on twt and it’s a Tagalog au btw.

~

Josh's Pov

Once I step inside the house everyone moves their head towards me, even the maids, they stare at me for good three seconds, and then mother speaks

"Where have you been?" She ask me, her tone got a little higher when she said the word "you", then stand up and took my hand guiding me to my seat.

"We have been waiting for you for a long time, it took you hours to get here, why?" She said once she took her seat again and swift her head from her lap to me, then I took a breath, to at least make me less uncomfortable.

"We...-I was at Shane. I was at Shane's house making a project." I said not having the guts to look at them, then my father spoke.

"Sabi ng ate mo na 'kila Maggie 'ka, nag papatulong sa physics?" He said , then I unconsciously shift my gaze to him, and he was raising his brow and removed my sight somewhere else and my gaze landed at ate. She was biting her lips, looking at me with wide eyes telling me to continue to cover and act, 'cause we both know na pag nalaman nila kung sa'n ako nanggaling lagot kaming dalawa doon.

Then the atmosphere suddenly became stiffier and it's killing me, and I bet my sister too and the maids behind us.

"We thought it would be better to continue our project in... Shane's house, Kasi..." I suddenly stop mid-sentence, then my father raises another brow at me.

"Kasi?" He said, ordering me to continue my words and excuses.

"Kasi dumating tito ni ate Maggie, iinom daw, so we decided na i-continue nalang yung project at saka yung tutorial sa physics 'kila Shane..." I said confidently, looking at him in the eyes and his knitted and raised eyebrows.

"I see..." He said sighing, and I also let go of a sigh.

"Mabuti 'yan anak, at pag'ka na sa'yo na yung kompanya, hopefully ready 'ka na. Mother told me brushing my back and giving me a smile that I could not comprehend if that was genuine or not.

"Anyway, we're home for tonight because we wanted to inform you two, na mag s-stay kami sa US for two weeks, and Solel, I expect you to tame your bother if ever inuuna n'ya ibang bagay before academics, we don't want a pabaya and irresponsible person na hahawak ng kumpanya. Anyway since andito naman na tayo, i a-anounce 'ko na din na meron ulit design and modeling competition between companies, kasama PenVrogè doon, Hèlovien and of course pati Borôugh kasama d'on, and for sure you two would participate to modeling. That's all for tonight, I expect you to be the top and our company when that week came, and after dinner aalis na kami ng mommy n'yo" He said and finished his speech.

And that night ended with us talking more about the company, and talking about academics, while si ate na 'ka tahimik 'lang s'ya the whole time, while these two ay binubugbog ako sa tanong.

In short, he was telling us to compete all of the other high company, when he knows na katatapos ko lang tapusin ung shoot para sa next na magazine, 'tas ito nanaman? Give me a break, I understand na this company was created after the Spanish left Philippines and ginawa 'to ng mga Mistiso ancestors Namin and been the top clothing company since then, pero para i-presure ang minorde edad because they're the heir? I just want to take a break. Study doon, modeling dyan, academics doon shooting dyan, ano ba dapat unahin 'ko career or education, gulo na'din utak 'ko eh.

Masterlist || Chapter 2

[catbrainswriting]

"bedtime stories"; brian + toby

fandom; creepypasta/marble hornets, personal fanon

relationship; brian thomas and toby rogers | ticci toby (platonic, but could also be read as pre-relationship maybe)

word count; 1.2k

summary; brian reads to toby. based on a silly lil headcanon.

warnings; a little bit of cursing.

notes; i write brian and tim with DID/adjacent, just in case some details are a lil confusing without knowing that. takes place in my own version of slender mansion lore, post-marble hornets.

also psst, my writing requests are open for creepypasta and marble hornets fics. if you want more like this or something totally different, pls feel free to hit me up.

ao3 mirror

--

It’s late, tonight, when Brian hears the knock on the door to his room in the manor.

Masky is fronting, so he’s alone inside - Masky’s in his own room next door, not occupying Brian’s bed like Tim often does - but he knows he won’t be alone for much longer.  He knows that knock, knows who it’ll be at this time of night, so it’s no surprise when he hums in acknowledgement and the door promptly creaks open to allow Toby to peek through.

He always peeks first.  Just in case Masky (or Tim) is there and he has to act up accordingly, but no Masky tonight.  Just Brian, leaned up against the headboard of his old bed and reading by the mediocre light provided by the equally old lamp on his bedside table.

Toby’s offered before that they just “rob an IKEA or some shit”, get Brian some decent furniture instead of the stuff that was here when he moved into the manor, but Brian’s always refused.  Furniture shopping - legitimate or otherwise - reminds him of college and his old home and his old life, and he’ll keep reading by flickering, yellow lamplight forever if it means he won’t have to think about any of that.

It’s his problem, anyway.  Because even on nights like tonight, when Toby wants to know what he’s reading, he won’t be doing any of the reading himself.  He usually won’t even be listening, even when he crawls into bed beside Brian and asks him quietly if he can read out loud, but Brian doesn’t mind all too much.  Not when Toby shuts the door behind him - too loudly, ticcing at just the wrong moment despite trying hard to be careful - and shuffles his way to Brian’s bed in his too-long pyjama trousers and ancient, ratty T-shirt, because he feels so much like a little brother that Brian could cry.

The springs of the mattress creak as Toby climbs on, the bed sways just slightly, and then Toby’s sat - right at Brian’s side.

“Hi,” he says, grinning with too many teeth, dark hazel eyes shining with the reflection of the lamplight, and Brian smiles back.  A small quirk of his lips, really, but it’s been the best he can manage for a long time now, and Toby doesn’t seem to mind.  Even seems elated when Brian very quietly says “hi” back, voice somewhat croaky from disuse - Hoodie, almost always nonverbal, had been fronting for a while, apparently - but his all the same.

Toby’s mentioned before that this - the soft, croaky sound, deeper than usual - is his favourite version of Brian’s voice, anyway.  He’d called it “comforting”, once, and then - overwhelmed with the weight of his own confession - had stood up and been an asshole for the rest of the night, even rooted his way through Brian’s bookshelf and made a mess of everything and then fucked off, presumably back to his own room.

Brian hadn’t mentioned it after the fact, despite being pissed off.  He’d cleaned up the mess and reorganised his books before he’d been able to sleep, and then a few days later - after Brian had had the chance to cool down - Toby had silently presented him with a new hardback.  Stolen from a target’s house, undoubtedly, but it had been by an author that Brian had told Toby in passing that he loved the work of, and it was clearly an apology.

One that Brian accepted.  He told Toby once he finished it how much he’d enjoyed the book, and the next time Toby crawled into his room in his pyjamas, a few days later still, Brian had let him pick the book Brian read that night.

“You wanna pick?” he offers again tonight, holding the book in his hands briefly aloft in clarification.  He’s about halfway through it - Han Kang’s The Vegetarian - and he knows Toby will hate it.  It’d probably send him straight to sleep, sure, but he’d complain the whole way down and interrupt Brian between each sentence.

So, sending the kid off to the overcrowded bookshelf - made of the same dark, old wood as all of the vintage furniture in Brian’s room - it is.  Enjoying the brief, quiet, intimate peace of watching Toby eagerly browse, standing occasionally on his tiptoes to view the higher shelves, before he withdraws an old, worn paperback - and then tics and throws it.

“Fuck,” he says simultaneously, and Brian is unsure if it’s also a tic or a reaction - maybe both - but he smiles either way as Toby quickly picks up the book and scurries back over to the bed with his prize.

He presents the novel proudly, held out between both of his scarred hands.  Off Season by Jack Ketchum.  They’ve read it before - it’s one of Toby’s favourites, an ‘80s horror novel about a group of friends renting a rural vacation home and being stalked by a family of feral cannibals in the surrounding woods.  Brian is both unsurprised by the choice - Toby loves classic horror, can’t get into the newer, psychological stuff that Brian likes most - and endeared by Toby’s open enjoyment of something Brian had shared with him.

He’s also, perhaps, a little bit happy that Toby is so willing to spend more time with him.  It’s not a short novel by any means, not like the page-long short stories from anthologies that Toby will ask Brian to read on his worst nights, so this’ll mean days of Toby appearing and asking Brian to read whenever the two of them have spare time.

Perhaps Brian also enjoys the fact that Toby needs him.

He can’t read by himself—

(Well, he could.  But he can’t focus and doesn’t care enough to try.  Can’t hold books in his own hands without them getting dropped or thrown across the room by a tic, and can’t keep track of where on the page he is when he’s blinking and jerking and rolling his eyes, and his mounting frustration only ever makes it worse.)

—so.  This is their arrangement.  Usually when Toby can’t sleep - that’s how it had started - but especially now when Toby wants to read something.  When he’s looking at the book with eager eyes, like he’s waiting for it to start speaking - like it’s not Brian that does that part - and shuffling further onto the bed to get himself comfy.

He comes closer this time, shoulder brushing against Brian’s.  He’s as warm as he always is, almost too warm against Brian’s constant cold, but Brian appreciates it.  Tim’s always warm too, and it feels familiar.  Feels safe, even as he opens the book Toby hands him and flicks to where it starts, ready to delve into a world of campy cannibal horror.

“Do—d-do—“ Toby whistles and jerks his neck, head bumping against Brian’s shoulder, “—…do the voices.”

His voice is quiet, now.  Something distinctly childlike in there, something anxious like there always is when Toby makes a sincere request, and he’s looking at the words on the page but not reading them.  Waiting for Brian to read them to him.

So Brian starts.  And he’s sure to do the voices.

[jadedxrealityw]

-Meeting The Family- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

    ☼-🐍-☼

     Request: hi darling, how you doing? can i request a draco x reader where is draco going to her house on christmas break to meet her parents? maybe she has a younger brother who is quite jealous of her and draco together? just something very fluff and funny !! thank you, i love your work btw ❤️

     Kody: YESS. I’ve been waiting for something like this for the sole purpose that i’m going to make the reader a Weasley!

     Year: 7th

    House: Gryffindor

    Possible Triggers/Warnings: Fred and George being the best siblings, Molly being Molly, Draco being literally terrified of the Weasley’s, a little bit of the spice spice at the end. 

    ☼-🐍-☼

   “will you stop pacing? Your making me nervous” you grumble, watching as the platinum blond hair boy walked back and forth in your dorm room “Your nervous? Your not the one meeting your girlfriends whole bloody family today” he snaps at you. 

    he walks over to the edge of your bed and sits down, putting his face in his hands “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you” he sighs deeply. You crack a smile and walked over to stand in front of him and take his hands into yours “It’s alright, but i’ll be there so there’s nothing to worry about. They’ll love you”

   Draco scoffs, leaning his head against your stomach “They have every right to hate me, my father is a horrible person to them and they’ll think i’m just the same as him” he spoke. You had never seen him so worked up over anything before, except for maybe when you got injured by a werewolf in the woods. 

    you purse your lips before sitting comfortably on his lap “Draco. You are nothing like your father and you will show them that. So stop moping okay?” you watch his eyes for a moment as he nods his head “Okay darling. I won’t mope. I just hope your right about this”

   “I’m always right”

    ☼-🐍-☼

    today was the day, you had put on a blue, burnt orange, and brown striped sweater with blue jeans. The Weasley aesthetic really while Draco wore a emerald green sweater with black jeans (ik hawt). You stood in front of the burrow, holding his hand “Here we go” you spoke.

   you reach up to knock a couple times and the door swings open. It was Fred with a candy cane in his mouth. He looks at the both of you and nods once “Hey Y/n and Malfoy. I’m Fred by the way, not George. Just so you know” he sticks out his hand and Draco takes it. They shake hands. That’s a good start.

   he takes the candy cane out of his mouth and points behind him “Let’s head in shall we?” he says and you smile. As you both step in, you could hear everyone talking “Is Charlie here yet?” you turn and face your brother. Fred’s face drops and he shakes his head “He said he got busy with work.”

   you nod slowly, your expression dropping “Oh, okay” you shrug. “Y/n!” you hear a familiar shout and watch as Molly and Arthur come from around the corner. You let go of Draco’s hand and walk up to them. They both embrace you tightly. You pull away from them and walk back to Draco.

   you could tell how tense he was when he saw your parents. “Mum, Dad. This is Draco” you say and slowly brought him up to them. Draco cleared his throat before speaking “Hello Mrs. and Mr. Weasley. Thank you so much for inviting me” he spoke. So polite. 

   your mother smiled warmly at him as well as your father “Well, were glad you came. Seems like our girls like Slytherins” Molly let out a laugh. You raise a brow “What do you mean?” “Hey Draco” you both turn to the right and see Pansy Parkinson come out of the hallway. Oh right, Ginny’s girlfriend.

   Draco smiled kindly, she was his friend after all. “hey Pans” he replies. Pansy waves before disappearing into the living area. “Now, you two join your siblings in the living room while we finish dinner” Molly spoke and leant down to kiss your forehead before leaning with Arthur “I think that went well”

    Draco nods “Me too”

    ☼-🐍-☼

    “Percy, don’t be such a buzzkill and take the candy cane” George sat next to Percy, jabbing him in the side with the peppermint treat. Percy just rolled his eyes and continued to read the book we was holding. You chuckle as you sat on the sofa with Draco, his arm wrapped around your shoulders.

   It was certainly a full house tonight. Molly, Arthur, George, Luna, Fred, Percy, Ginny, Pansy, Bill, Fleur, Ron, Hermione, you, and Draco. You wondered where you would all eat considering your family table could barely fit the kids who already lived in the house. “Your family is much different than mine” Draco whispers to you.

   you turn your head to face him with a smile. “Yeah, we’re definitely stranger then other families” you laugh quietly, a grin forming on his face. “I like it. I’m so used to the quiet that i forgot that actual families talk and hang out with each other” he spoke, his eyes glossing over a bit as he looks at the tall christmas tree.

   you reach into his lap and grab his hand, bringing it up to your lips to kiss his knuckles. “I hope i don’t make you feel as alone anymore” you spoke with a small frown on your face. Draco shook his head and with the arm wrapped around your shoulders, he grabs the back of your head and pulls you into a kiss.

   it was sweet and loving. To bad you had shit for brian brothers. “Hey hands off Malfoy! No snogging my sister while i’m here!” Ron shouts, causing you to pull away from the kiss. Hermione seemed annoyed with her boyfriend and pushes his shoulder “Y/n can do whatever Y/n want’s get over yourself Ron”

   George and Fred both choked back laughter then actually choked on candy canes. Idiots. Ron grumbled something and crossed his arms. What a child. After more talking you had the urge to go to the bathroom and laid your head in the crook of Draco’s neck “I’ll be right back. I have to use the bathroom. Okay?”

   Draco nods and places a hand on your thigh to squeeze it gently before unwrapping his limbs from yours “I’ll be back. Be nice. All of you” you gaze at all your brothers because Ginny at least knew how to be nice to Draco. You give a sharp glare to Ron before you leave the living room.

   Fred watches as you walk out of the room and like a pack of dogs, every single Weasley sibling crowded Draco. He thought he was going to be murdered on the spot as his grey eyes widened. Bill smiles lightly and holds out his hand to shake “Hi, i’m Bill. Anyway as you probably know were missing a Weasley tonight”

   Draco grabs his hand and shakes it “Charlie, right?” he says and all there heads nod. Oh this is so creepy. “Right. Well you see Y/n is really close to Charlie, but she hasn’t been able to see him for almost three years and such, so Fred told her he’s not coming, but we plan on surprising her when we open gifts”

   a small smile graces the Slytherins face- wait. “Why are you telling me this?” he questions and Percy speaks up surprisingly “Because you make our sister happy and considering you both are graduating next year, we figure your  going to be around more often and- so welcome to the family Malfoy”

   Draco was in complete shock as Percy spoke, considering he thought Percy hated him the most. Y/n was right. “Thank you. I also want to apologize for my fathers behaviour towards your family as well as mine in the past. It took me awhile to see you guys the way Y/n does”

   the twins shake their heads “Don’t worry about it. Your dad’s a real piece of work. Y/n tells us your mum’s nice enough though” they spoke in unison. Draco nods “yeah, she’s not judgemental” he reassures. “Anyway, we hope your having a nice night though. Right Ron?” Bill turns to face the younger Weasley.

   Ron looks at Bill and shakes his head, but Bill hits his shoulder “Yeah yeah whatever. We hope your having a blast” Ron then tore away from the group and went back to sitting with Hermione on the other sofa, mumbling something along the lines of ‘snogging his sister’ 

   a couple minutes later you came back into the living room and were pleasantly surprised to see Bill, George, and Fred chatting with Draco who seemed to be smiling brightly. What a sight. You lean against the doorway and watch as he interacted with your brothers. 

   you watch as they all went to sit on the floor so Percy, Ginny, Hermione, Luna, and Pansy could sit down and chat as well. Who would thought the Slytherin prince would get along so well with your family. “You guys seem to be having fun” you say as they turn to look at you. 

   you look to your left to see Ron sitting alone on the loveseat with a scowl on his face. You wave the group off before going to sit with your brother. He looks at you then the floor “Y/n” he spoke and you smiled lightly “Ron” you say in the same manner. “Why aren’t you sitting with the rest of them?”

   Ron scoffs under his breath “Why should i? Malfoy will never be friends” he comments and you reach up to lift his face, making him look at the group laughing and talking. “Look at Percy. He’s the most stuck up person i know and he is having a blast talking to Draco and Pansy. Why do you have a problem?”

   Ron sighs and pushes your hand away “Because your my sister. Yes, i know Ginny is to, but we’re the same age you and i. I can talk to you about anything, but ever since you and Draco got together. It hasn’t been you and i. It’s been you and him. What’s gonna happen when your married? I’ll never see you”

   you frown. You didn’t know Ron felt this way at all. It wasn’t as surprising though to be honest “Ron. Your my brother and i love you dearly. I’ll never forget about you or George, Fred, Percy, Ginny, Bill, and Charlie. Your my family. If your ever feeling alone. Just talk to me, okay?”

   your words seemed to cheer Ron up. He nods and looks over at the group once more “Let’s do this.” he said and stood up.

    ☼-🐍-☼

    after dinner the whole family including the lovers were in the living room again, passing out gifts. You watch as a square shaped box decorated with orange wrapping paper and a red bow floated from out a room and into each and every ones laps “oh wow, i wonder what these could be” 

    George spoke sarcastically before getting wacked on the head by Molly. You chuckle and look over at Draco who stared at aw in the christmas gift in his lap “Are you alright my boy?” Arthur spoke up. Draco looks up and nods eagerly “I’ve never gotten a real christmas gift before. My mother snuck me sweets and such, but never anything like this”

    Molly gave Draco a look of solace before smiling “Well, i hope you enjoy this one! Now kids open them up!” she shouts and you all start to rip open the wrapping paper and you saw a deep red sweater with your first initial on it. Every year. The Weasley kids slip on there sweaters “Thanks mum!”

   after slipping yours on, you look over at Draco who had a emerald green sweater in his hands with the letter ‘D’ on it. He looked excited as he takes off his quidditch sweater to put on Molly’s. “Do you like it Draco?” you spoke “i absolutely love it” he a wide smile spreads across his face.

    Luna got a baby blue sweater

   Hermione got a deep red one as well

   Fleur got a white sweater

   Pansy got a emerald green sweater as well as Draco.

   Pansy slipped hers on and nods smugly “i look awesome. I’m never taking it off. You’ll have to kill me first!” she exclaims as Ginny laughs beside her “She’s not joking either” Luna pulls the sweater over her head and wraps her arms around herself “So warm” she mumbles in her soft voice. 

   George smiles brightly and wraps his arms around her “Your so cute” he says before kissing the side of her face. Fleur looked down at the sweater on her and smiles warmly “I adore it” she spoke in her thick accent and Bill nods before grabbing her hand to kiss her knuckles.

   Molly clapped happily “I’m so glad you all like it. Now me and Arthur are going to get the christmas cookies from the kitchen. We’ll be right back out!” she announces before leaving the room. Everyone began to talk amongst each other and while you were distracted Draco snuck off into the kitchen.

      ☼-🐍-☼

   “Um hello” he spoke up. Molly turns around and places the icing bag she was holding on the counter. “Ah Draco! Did you need something?” she asked, waving her hand for him to step closer. Draco walks over and immediately felt a cold shiver run up his spine. He was nervous.

   “I wanted to ask you both something?” he says, gulping. Arthur and Molly look at each other before smiling “Sure, go ahead” Arthur spoke. Draco takes a deep breath to calm his nerves “Me and Y/n have been dating for three years now and i know we only just turned 18, but i wanted to ask for your blessing to marry her when the time is right”

   Molly gasped loudly, before covering her mouth “Oh Draco! We would be more than happy to give you our blessing. She talks about you all the time and you had been nothing but kind to her and our family. I know you are much different then your father. you’ve learn to accept and adapt”

   Draco felt as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he smiles “Thank you so much. Uh- can i help ice those? If you’ll teach me how?” he laughs nervously and Molly nods.

    ☼-🐍-☼

   ten minutes later Draco came out holding a tray of cookies with your parents. You smile lightly at the sight. How cute. He places the tray down on the floor where the group sat and everyone began to much on cookies, except for Fred and George. Where had they gone off too? Draco takes a seat next to you.

   he hands you a cookie and you smile, taking a bite “You snuck away to ice cookies with my parents?” you ask, laughing a little. He nods with a smile and pecks your lips quickly, “Seemed fun” he replied nonchalantly. You roll your eyes and continue to eat your cookie in piece.

   after everyone ate one Molly shot up from the sofa and gasped “Godric! We forgot Y/n’s present outside!” she exclaims, causing everyone to look at her. You tilt your head “What present?” you ask. “We all pitched in and got you a present. It’s so big we have to show you outside” Arthur spoke.

   you were now thoroughly confused as everybody made there way to the front door and walking out. Draco grabs your hand and lifts you up from the ground. You both walk outside and see George and Fred on both sides of a tall present, wrapped in orange paper with your name written in red ink.

   you laugh nervously. What was going on? “Um- do i open it?” you ask and Ginny nods, pushing you forward “Go on! Open it!” she shouts. You watch as George and Fred walk away from the present and behind you. “we suggest to pull the red ribbon then step back” George points out.

   you chuckle with a confused expression before taking the end of the ribbon and tug it once. You hear a couple clicks and step back quickly as the box falls apart. A tall male with orange hair and a red sweater with a ‘C’ smiles at you. Charlie. You watch as he steps out the box and opens his arms.

   “Hello my little dragon” he smile brightly as you ran up and tackled him into a hug. He lifts you off the ground and spins you around as you cling onto him. After a couple seconds he lets go and eyes you up and down “You’ve gotten so tall! and your hair is different. I also hear you have a boyfriend” he teases.

   you smile widely and nod “Yeah. He’s hear. Um- Draco!” you turn around and call for your boyfriend who steps towards you, holding out his hand “I’m Draco Malfoy�� he says politely as they both shake hands “I’m Charlie! I hope my little sister hasn’t annoyed you too much. She’s mental this one”

   you huff and wack your older brothers arm “Hey! Don’t scare him off!” you shout, making Charlie laugh. He shrugs his shoulders “I don’t think he’s going anywhere. Your in for the long hall Malfoy. Welcome to the Weasley’s!” he exclaims and Draco smiles as he wraps an arm around your shoulders.

    ☼-🐍-☼

   the party came to an end and everyone made there way to there perspective rooms. There was surprisingly enough room for everyone, to be fair your pretty sure that your father used a spell to add some extra rooms of some sort. You put on black and white flannel pants with a black crop top, as well as a dark grey jacket.

   Draco had on a black t-shirt and his boxers. You yawn as you began to fold up your sweater and place it in your trunk. You feel hands wrap around your waist and pull you close to his chest. “I had fun tonight” Draco mumbles against the skin of your shoulder since your jacket had slipped down your arms a bit. 

   you smile and lean your head back to look at him “You did? I’m happy. I’m also happy i got to see my brother” you spoke with a warm smile. Draco hums in response and slowly begins to pull the jacket off of your arms “I promised my mum no funny business while were here Draco”

   he smirks and begins to place sweet kisses on your neck “You may have promised that, but i didn’t darling” he rasps. You feel one of his hands run across the exposed skin of your stomach as his thumb traces the hem of your pants. “Why are you always horny?” you asked.

   “I don’t know? Have you seen yourself?” he chuckles as he spins you around to face him “Come on darling~” he coos and dips down to kiss your collar bone. “I-” “-Goodnight Y/n. Goodnight Draco!” you heard Charlie, Percy, and Fred shout. Oh those little shits.

   you flush in embarrassment and sputter out a goodnight back as Draco growls in frustration. “Cockblockers” he snarls, making you laugh. “Don’t worry, there going to do it to every couple in here. Didn’t expect Percy too though, just listen” you say and Draco keep quiet to listen.

   “Night Ginny. Night Pansy!” 

   “Go away were busy!” Ginny shouts

   “Sleep tight Fleur and Bill!”

   “You all are insufferable!” Bill yells making you snicker a bit

   “We don’t have to worry about Ron and Hermione. Ron has got like zero game” Fred speaks and they all laugh.

   “Hey i heard that!” Ron shrieks in offense.

   “Sleep well George! Sleep well Luna!”

   “You guys can’t pull this shit on me! Shove off!” George shouts and you hear a door slam.

   “Goodnight” Luna says. What a sweet girl

    ☼-🐍-☼

   Kody: I hope you enjoyed this one. I really liked writing it! Anyways peace.