#again- I'm not mad really just wishing you had thought before you spoke

[aestherin]

privacy

38: daylight

"— but I hurt you!"

"And I don't give a fuck." He breathes. "Heck, I would even let you do it again — infinite times more if you wish. Pain me. Hurt me. Break my heart all you want — it's all yours, love."

"But for God's sake, [Name]... please don't leave me.

"I can't do that!" You cried. "You don't deserve that."

"And did you deserve receiving unsolicited hate left and right?" One of Ayato's hands left yours and settled on your cheek. "I don't think so, love."

His affection. You missed it.

"That wasn't you though."

"But I caused it."

Your lips parted in an attempt to contradict him, though you stopped at the lack of a witty retort. The man was satisfied at you letting him own up to his fault.

He slowly ran his fingers through your hair. "You should be mad at me."

Furrowed eyebrows were what he saw in return. "Wasn't me leaving you enough? I'm starting to think you're a masochist."

He chuckled.

"Besides, I still stand by what I said." You gave him a stern look. "Why would I be mad at you when you weren't at fault? It was those people, not you, Ayato. You've been nothing but doting and understanding and loving and —"

"It all started with me," he sighed. "I asked you to get into this fake relationship with me. I'm the one who starred in a drama with some actress whose fanbase's toxic portion is very vocal and active. It was I who failed to protect you. It was I who failed you."

Just when you thought it was nearing the end, you felt like tearing up again. Just like he did to you earlier, you rested your face against his shoulder in an attempt to hide yourself.

"No you didn't. You tried."

"It wasn't good enough."

"You did well," you reached out to caress the back of his head as well.

With his snug embrace, the stillness of the wind, and the stroke of sunlight — everything felt warm.

Wait, sunlight?

You swore there was about to be a raging thunderstorm earlier.

From where you were nestling your head earlier, you looked up slightly, just enough to get a glimpse of the skies enveloping the land. From what you saw earlier, it did a total one-eighty.

The sun has now ceased hiding behind the thick clouds.

Gone was the governing gray hue. The clouds, however, lingered. Through them, radiant rays seeped through, illuminating what once was not.

Now, tints of varying colors — mainly blue, lavender, pink, and orange — were present.

"It's pretty," you mumbled.

"You are," he said.

Still with a muffled voice, you spoke, "Are you hitting on me?"

"Is it working?"

You gave him a light smack. He let out a laugh, which distracted you from the noise made by the gate opening.

"I'd hate to interrupt, but..." Both of you turned your heads toward the owner of the voice. "How long exactly am I supposed to just stand outside the gate?"

"Manager!" You screamed, pulling away from your companion. You don't see the way he frowned and pouted, the way his arms reached for you before you started going off to the other person present.

"Manager! You liar!"

"I mean, I told you you were meeting the CEO of Cypressus, didn't I?"

"Oh fuck. I forgot about that! Where is he anyway?"

Your eyes followed your manager's palm, which was now pointing towards a certain blue-haired man. "Over there."

Ayato had to try so hard to stop himself from laughing at your comical expression, lest he invoke your wrath. He'd rather not, really. And shit, you really were a good actress. 'So beautifully expressive, love!' He thought.

"Ayato?!"

"Yes, love?" He smiled sweetly.

You looked at him in disbelief before turning back to your manager. "See? As I was saying before, I told you you were meeting the Cypressus' CEO. And Ayato's the CEO of Cypressus, so, technically... I didn't lie."

You inhaled sharply. You'll deal with him later.

"You locked me in here!"

"No, I didn't. I didn't lock the gate."

You were stupefied. "What?"

"Yeah," she flashed a genuine smile. "If you actually wanted to leave, you could have just pushed the gate open and you would've been out of here in no time. I was even ready to drive you away the minute I see you walk out of here."

"I —"

"You actually wanted to stay with him, didn't you?"

Unbeknownst to you, just like you, Ayato was holding his breath. He was waiting for your answer.

"You know what, you don't even need to answer that," your manager said. You and the man exhaled.

She looked past you, to Ayato, before returning her gaze on you. "Are you feeling better? Are you feeling better with him?"

You hummed. She patted your head. "That's all I wanted to hear."

Your manager turned away, facing the gate. She gave a small wave. "You can keep her. She doesn't have a schedule until next week anyway."

"Manager!"

"But if you dare hurt her, make her feel bad again," she gave one last look, though it wasn't pointed at you. "I swear you'll never be able to get close to her again. Not even hear her voice. Not even touch a strand of her hair."

Ayato shivered. He knew he wouldn't ever dare inflict you pain again, yet he was still frightened by the threat. He wasn't afraid of your manager, no.

He dreaded not being able to be with you again.

"I keep my promises."

The other woman simply hummed and left (not before telling you that she's only one call away should you wish to leave).

"Is that promise to love me?" You went back in front of him, fighting back a smile. "That. And even more, [Name]."

Your almost-smile resulted in a frown, which worried Ayato. Did he do something wrong? Did you perhaps change your mind and wanted to leave with your manager now?

"So..." You trailed off. "CEO, huh?"

"Oh, that." He chuckled nervously. You just raised a brow at him, attempting to intimidate him even more.

Ayato sighed. But then he realized something.

You were taken aback, however, when he immediately flashed you a playful smile, his right arm hovering above his abdomen. He then made a graceful bow.

"I fear I've been less than hospitable to you, my lady, my dearest guest. Would you care to join your business partner inside as we discuss more over tea?"

You raised a brow, slightly questioning whatever this sudden skit is all about. But of course, being the performance arts-inclined person that you are, you decided to go along.

"Gladly, my lord."

You'll never know this, but you almost killed the CEO of Cypressus with mere three words. Those weren't even the three words — the one sentence that everyone thinks of when they hear the phrase — but it still almost ended him nonetheless.

He imagines his impending doom with delight once he finally gets to hear you say the proper three words. He swore he could welcome death with open arms, if that was what it takes.

Ayato wrapped his fingers around yours as he guided you inside. The familiarity of everything calmed your nerves down. The foyer where he and someother helpers welcomed you, the living room where you used to always hang out with him and Ayaka. The visible dining area where you two ate often and sometimes had hotpot nights with his sister. And after that, the clean kitchen counter where Ayato used to always stay as he watched you make something for him.

It felt like home.

"Stay here," he motioned for you to sit on the living room couch. He said he'd make you guys some tea?

He would?

Oh no.

"Wait!" Hurried yet light footsteps can be heard against the hardwood floors. With a slightly disoriented face, Ayato turned his head at your direction. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes. Something is very wrong," you tried to catch your breath. "You're absolutely not making tea. Let me do it."

You knew him well enough to know that he is just physically incapable of concocting something edible at this point. Not even tea. Not even just instant tea.

He'd always find a way to make it suspicious and off-putting.

"But —"

"I know you're very rich, but please don't intentionally destroy your kitchen, 'Yato."

The man in question simply took a deep breath and raised both his hands in the air as a sign of surrender. You then marched into their kitchen as if you own the place, with the real owner trailing behind you like an obedient puppy whose leash you were holding.

When you both walked out of the kitchen, you immediately plopped down into the fluffy couch, while Ayato carefully placed the tray of teas on the table before sitting directly in front of you.

He would've loved to sit beside you, but you sat on a one-seater sofa.

He wasn't sure if that was intentional or not.

On the brighter side, it helped set the mood even better for this 'business meeting' of yours. You as [Name], the renowned actress, and the man across you as Kamisato Ayato, CEO of the famous bubble tea brand, Cypressus.

He took a sip first. "Just so you know, I was serious about getting you as an ambassador and endorser of our company."

You imitated his actions. "Where's the contract?"

"Not yet made."

"Why?"

"I want to make it on your terms." As he let his cup down, the curling of the corners of his lips were visible. "Ask for whatever you want and it shall appear on the contract. Easy as that."

You gave him a feigned frown. "That's not very smart of you, mister."

He merely snickered.

"I am stupid when it comes to you."

Your face flushed.

'The tea. Yeah, it must be from the tea,' you lied to yourself.

"Speaking of business," Ayato attempted to shift the topic. "We have something to take care of."

"Us?" You joked.

He let out a smile. "That too, but..."

"Hm?"

"I was referring to, uh..." His voice trailed off. It seemed like it was a topic he has a hard time talking about.

'Here goes nothing,' he thought.

"Well, what do you want to do about those malicious people online, love?"

"Oh? Knowing you, I thought you'd have done something about that by now," you truthfully said.

Ayato sighed. "Believe me, love. I really wanted to, but..."

"I promised to myself that I won't do anything else without consulting you first."

You couldn't say anything. You couldn't do anything but let his eyes entrance you once more.

You could only hold your breath.

"You know very well that I had to learn the hard way, [Name]." He leaned closer to the table, and by extension, to you as well. "And I'm not willing to go through the torture of losing you again because of that very same mistake."

"I don't want to put you, my love, [Name], the one I hold dearest, through suffering once more because of my faulty decisions."

With his every word, everything came crashing down. You thought about everything all at once, it was overwhelming — the memories, the feelings. The pain and pleasure, the angst and affection.

Swamped by everything, you couldn't help but tear up once more. Looking down was your last resort, attempting to shield him from the fact that you were about to cry for the second time today.

You began to fidget. "It's all me."

"Huh? What are you saying —"

"I was the one that broke us, wasn't I?"

"No." He immediately got up and stood up next to you, who was still sitting. "Shush, love. You didn't break anything."

You felt a hand caress your back. "But I —"

"It was already broken since the beginning."

Through small gaps, you were able to see him now kneeling down in front of you. Ayato started consoling you, his fingers running through strands of your hair and his voice in soft whispers.

"My reasoning was flawed. My methods were foolish... and after I coerced you into that faux relationship, I had the guts to fail you."

His free hand caught yours, followed by him bringing it to his lips. "I didn't get to tell you, to make you feel the truth: that unlike that relationship, my feelings were real from the start."

You stiffened up. Ayato continued, "Because I was a coward. And I am stupid — as you already know."

"Still, despite my imperfections..." The hand previously busy with your hair was suddenly on your chin, his touch as light as a feather. With his help, you managed to finally look at him once more. "I want to ask you an ambitious question —"

He took a deep breath, yet the affection in his eyes remained.

"— Would you accept me? Again? For real this time, [Name]?"

privacy — ayato x reader smau

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[all2angels]

BURIED MYSELF ALIVE | basement!gerard x reader

warnings: this is kinda intense don't read if sensitive, NSFW!!, exaggerated writing, kinda cringe but it's meant to be like that, gerard is sooo gross and pathetic, i've never written a bj scene before please be kind �� probably a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes because i could not bring myself to proofread im sorry

this was the last place you wanted to be in, like, this was genuinely a fucking hellhole.

when you walked in, the smell was almost rancid. his room was filled with trash, half-eaten chips, mountains of unwashed laundry, socks that had something in it that you didn't want to think about.

he offered for you to sit on his bed, you didn't want to, but it seemed like a better option than the floor, so you sat on the edge of bed.

you hated yourself for having the slightest bit of empathy, then maybe you wouldn't be in this place. gerard had asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie at his place after you bonded over the topic one day, and you said yes, but have been putting it off for about three weeks.

all of your friends told you to cancel on it, they said that gerard wss a gross pervert freak and that you wouldn't want anything to do with him, but whenever he'd asked you if you still wanted to watch a movie with him he'd look so pathetic and desperate, you didn't have the heart to say no. but you wished you declined it.

gerard was walking all over the place, with a panicked look and rummaging through his stuff. you thought he was probably looking for the cd that had the movie. you wondered how he could find anything in this place. while he was looking, you looked over at his bedside table, seeing dirty magazines. you let out a scoff. couldn't he have at least hidden those before i came over?

"please don't be mad.." he says, his voice filled with guilt, "i know you've- we've waited for weeks, but i can't find my CDs." he takes a seat next to you, and you hold your breath. he stared at you, you didn't know what to do or say, he was just staring awkwardly.

"it's... fine? i guess..." you said, unsettled by the way he looked at you. you swear that he almost leaned in, and you were trying to prevent anything like that from happening. his eyes was filled with infatuation, and yours was filled with absolute disgust. the way he looked at you made you feel dirty. he was so fucking pathetic, but it was kinda hot how much he seemed to like you, how much he seemed like he wanted to please you.

you turned away from him out of pure embarrassment that you thought in the slightest bit that gerard 'pervert' way was attractive or hot, but you couldn't help it. you decided that the only way to stop these thoughts was to get the fuck away from here.

"hey, i should go..." you spoke up, standing up from the spot in his bed you were sitting in. you waited for him to say something, but he just looked at you and frowned. he looked like he was about to cry. jesus fucking christ you could throw up right now.

"gerard...? are you okay?" you sigh, sitting back down. you couldn't leave him like this. you hesitate, but you put your hand on his back, comforting him. you didn't want to ask, you wanted to get out, "what's wrong?" you say through gritted teeth.

"i'm really lonely, y/n, please don't go." he rests his head on your shoulder. he starts to ramble on about something, and you tune out his voice. the more he talked, the more you started to be impatient.

"you're so fucking pathetic..." you said. out loud. fuck. your eyes widened, realizing that he had heard it. he lifted his head, but the had his gross hand on your thigh. you were going to apologize, but the way that he looked shocked made you want to rage.

"are you serious?" you snap, he looks confused and hurt. "you couldn't possibly think you had a chance, c'mon dude. you're so- i mean, you're a freak."

"i jus', uhm, i-i like you—" before he could even finish his sentence you laughed at him. no fucking way. you turned to him again, and seeing his eyes, you knew he was genuine. his eyes were red from crying, and his cheeks flushed.

"you're so fucking pathetic, gerard. shouldn't come across as a surprise, i don't like you back." you say, standing up to leave, but before you can he reaches for your hand. his hand was calloused, it was rough.

"please-" he begs, "please, listen— i promise you..." he doesn't know what to say, but he wants you to stay so bad. "I'll do anything for you. I'll do anything."

"no! stop it, okay? i. don't. like. you. get that shit through your head. i don't even want to be your friend, okay, you-" he cuts you off this time with a kiss. he tastes horrible, but you don't stop it. fuck it, you think. you liked the kiss.

he breaks the kiss, and you could feel his hard dick on your thigh, his face is close to yours. "give me a chance, please..." he says.

you sighed and pushed him onto his messy bed, making him sit on the end of the bed and going on your knees in front of him. you start to unbuckle his belt, then you undo his zipper. you could hear him whimper. you take out his dick, a little part of you at least expected him to have a big dick, but he doesn't. the size was fine, not like it was too small. it wasn't trimmed, and the smell was somehow stronger than other dude's dicks. you try not to think about it too much and hold your breath.

you tease the tip, licking off the precum which tastes sweet and bitter. you swirled your tongue around his tip, and feel him twitch. "fuck..." he moans. you feel his hands on your hair, petting you softly, it felt awkward though, you just brushed past it.

you give his dick a few pumps, hearing him beg for you hurry up. you spit on your hand, messily spreading it on his shaft before you part your lips to take him into your mouth. you look up at him, see his eyes closed, and head back. you kept on moving up and down, he let out a loud groan.

you continued bobbing your head up and down, you teased his balls. he made such pretty noises when you did that.

you kept your pace steady until you started to feel his dick twitch in your mouth, you began to quicken your speed until he eventually released his load in your mouth, it spread to your face and chest, and whatever was left in your mouth you swallowed.

he dropped onto his bed, panting heavily. you cleaned yourself up with a cloth you hoped was clean on his bed. it was probably filled with cum anyway.

you sat next to him. his dick was still out.

"c-can we do that again?" he tiredly asked, looking over to you.you sighed heavily. "i guess so, whatever. just don't tell anyone." you warned, rolling your eyes. welp

[hsangel64]

bandmates pt. 9!

synopsis: coastal has there gig and the plan is in play

warnings: cussing, angst, smut

song for the chapter:

a/n: i hope everyone is enjoying this series ive been loving writing it! don't worry it's not over after this! comment to be a part of the taglist! i also made some changes in the song don't get mad!

"hey bee can we please talk?" your expression dropped, and you rolled your eyes.

"what could you possibly want to talk to me about?"

"can we just please.." ellie said defeated, you missed her so you agreed. you got up and you both went to your room you sat on your bed and ellie stood. it was silent for about a minute until she spoke up.

"i am really sorry i promise i actually am."

"for what?"

"well for-" you scoffed and raised your voice slightly.

"for calling me your friend but behind closed doors you were eating me out like there was no tomorrow? getting that girls number in front of me? cuddling with cat after not talking to me even asking if i was okay?"

"look it's not like that-" you stood up with a quickness.

"what do you mean it's not like that? every time i would ask why we haven't gone on a date you would brush it off and say you're busy but i knew damn well what you were doing all day. what is it like please fucking enlighten me ellie." you started raising your voice even more, ellie walked towards you and put her hands on the sides of your face. you pushed her away and stumbled back.

"no don't fucking touch me.'

"baby please." you shook your head as she came back towards you, she put her hands on your face again and hugged you. you had tears falling down your face, she felt so warm against you and you couldn't resist. you fell into her arms and she whispered 'i'm sorry' and 'its okay' into your ear.

"i just want you to call me baby to everyone, i want to be known as yours is that so hard ellie?" you looked up at her and felt her breathe on your lips. your stomach tensed up feeling her so close to you.

"it's not and i want the same i really do baby." she was crying at this point.

"then why don't you.." she didn't answer for a second until she asked.

"can i please kiss you." you didn't want to say yes but you nodded. she grabbed your face and kissed you, you melted into her lips and kissed her right back. she gently pushed you into your bed and you fell back crawling up the bed. you both felt desperate grabbing at each other. it didn't take long for you both to take each other's clothes off.

ellie moved so she could make her way on top of you, she kissed down your neck and moved her hand onto your mouth to silence your moans.

"don't want dina and jesse to hear." she mumbled as she was making her way down your stomach, kissing every inch of it. every kiss sent shivers down your spine. she made her way to your panty line and kissed it gently.

"can i take these off?" she whispered only for you to hear.

"yes please do." your voice was shaky, and you gasped as she grabbed the top of your panties with her teeth and slowly pulled them down. you gasped at her actions, she was going really slow almost too slow for your liking. she pulled them all the way off and lightly blew on your pussy. you moaned just from that, you were so desperate to have her tongue on you.

"please please ellie."

"what do you want baby tell me." she was lightly grazing her fingers across your stomach as she talked.

"i want your tongue on me."

"that's not how you ask."

"please els fuck."

"as you wish." she immediately started running her tongue along your clit. it felt so good, but you knew how wrong it was. you couldn't stop her even if you tried.

----

it was the day before the gig, and you had been thinking about that night. the morning after you woke up in and empty bed, you went and checked your phone to see a text message from ellie stating "im sorry." you sighed and flopped back into bed. 'what the fuck is my life' you thought.

after that night till now ellie hasn't talked to you not even a single text after that. you guys had gone to class together, practice and even the dorm, and she didn't even poke a glance at you. you felt like shit all week, this was bringing you down way too much.

currently you and dina were hanging out figuring out what to wear for the gig.

"d i don't know what to wear." you groaned as you looked through your packed closet.

"wear something that screams revenge."

"okay but i don't have anything for that...plus all my good outfits i have worn already this week and i really don't have time for laundry."

"well i think this calls for a mall trip..."

"i like the way you think." you both giggled and grabbed your bags and headed out to your car and to the mall.

it felt like one of the coming-of-age movies where they goof around and try on clothes together. you guys had bags on bags on your hands and had gone to every store imaginable.

"d i think we should get some food to treat ourselves to for this long shopping day." she nodded at you and you both walked to the food court.

"so are you nervous?" you looked at her confused.

"for what?" she giggled as you answered with food in your mouth.

"for tomorrow night..."

"OOHHH, i mean a little but i feel pretty confident."

"how do you think ellie will react?"

"i really don't care what she thinks she's treated me like shit."

"i mean valid but do you really not care?" you stopped eating for a second and really thought about it. of course you cared, but she has treated you like shit and you wanted this to hurt her. on the other hand you felt like shit for doing this to her, what if she hates you after this, even worse hates dina and jesse for doing this.

"no of course not." you shook your head.

"y/n i know how you feel about this, it's okay to talk to me, but if you really don't want to that's okay." she grabbed your hand, and you smiled up at her. you nodded your head and you two got back to eating.

----

it was the day of the gig, and you were nervous beyond belief. your hands were sweaty, you've had to reapply your makeup multiple times because of how shaky your hands were. dina has come into your room multiple times to check on you and talk you down. ellie wasn't in the dorm all day it made you nervous thinking she would just dip and not tell anyone. she had turned her location off so you couldn't check, until you saw her walk into the room with cat of all people. what the fuck. you groaned loud enough for them both to hear and got up. as you were walking out you heard cat mumble.

"what the fuck is up with her?" you stopped in your tracks just outside of the door and restrained yourself from attacking her. you walked over to jesse and dina's room to get out of that hell scape.

"fucking cat is here are you kidding me?" you groaned as you closed the door.

"what?!" both said at the same time.

"yeah why the fuck is ellie still hanging out with her?"

"literally no clue."

"do you want me to beat her up yet?" jesse said as you rolled your eyes and ran your hands down your face, already feeling a headache coming on. you felt even more inclined to do this, you felt the anger bowling in your body, and you felt ready to get on stage.

"hey you guys are on in 10." the stage manager came to tell us; you stood up from the couch and reached out to grab their hands.

"i love you guys a lot."

"we love you too." you all hugged and did your small band ritual together. you went back to your dressing room to let ellie know you guys had to be on soon, you walked in and saw her and cat laughing and cuddling together. with a very blank face you let her know you guys had about 5 mins left. you grabbed your guitar and walked out staring at ellie, she had such a pathetic look on her face, and you didn't even care in the slightest. you walked over to dina and jesse by the stage and peeked out, you saw how many people were there and you gasped.

"holy shit it's full."

"hell yeah it is." jesse laughed and jumped up like and excited child. you were trying to stop your nerves from getting the best of you. as you did some more vocal warmups with dina, ellie came up from behind us.

"hey you guys ready?" you all just nodded as you were being called to come on. you guys walked out and faced the crowd, it was huge so many people came. you scanned the crowd and even found some people you knew. this is what you guys practiced hours for, this moment right here. it felt good, as they all cheered for us you looked at jesse and nodded for him to start our first song.

----

"thank you so much everyone! the energy tonight has been amazing and we couldn't have asked for a better crowd." the crowd cheered.

"unfortunately, we are reaching the end of the show this is a new song we have and hope you guys enjoy! we will be out by the front if anyone wants pictures, we love you guys so much! enjoy, good luck babe."

jesse started with the soft melody on the drums and you and dina looked at each other and started to play. you saw ellie's face drop and you smirked at her.

"its fine, its cool

you can say that we are nothing, but you know the truth

and guess i'm the fool

with her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof." you sang and looked at ellie the whole time.

"i don't want to call it off

but you don't want to call it love

you only wanna be the one that i call "baby" as the song progressed the crowd went wild. your plan was working, ellie looked pissed, she didn't know what to do.

"you can kiss a hundred girls in bars

shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling

you can say it's just the way you are

make a new excuse, another stupid reason

good luck babe, well good luck babe

you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling." she was looking at you with a disappointed face, clenching her jaw and trying to look like she knew what to play. you smiled at her and continued on.

"i'm cliche, who cares?

it's a sexually explicit kind of love affair

and i cry, it's not fair

i just need a little lovin' i just need a little air" you sang the chorus again and you started to feel all the emotions again, you saw how pissed ellie looked and you felt part of your world shatter. what if she doesn't want to be friends anymore. what if she hates you forever. you started to feel that lump in your throat, but you threw it back down, you couldn't cry now. as the bridge built up you started to feel angry.

"when you wake up next to her in the middle of the night

with your head in your hands, you're nothing more than her wife

and when you think about me, all of those years ago

you're standing face to face with 'i told you so'

you i hate to say, i told you so

you know i hate to say but, i told you so." you belted out that note and felt so many mixed emotions. you finished off the song with the most power you have ever used during a performance, you almost blacked out. as the song ended the crowd went wild and you guys thanked them and ran off stage. you felt like you were going to faint, you walked over to a small chair by the stage and sat down trying to catch your breath.

"what the fuck was that about?!" ellie came running towards you and shouted.

"you fucking embarrassed me."

"no you embarrassed yourself ellie." you stood up from your chair.

"what the fuck is your problem?" she was face to face with you, you could feel her breath and the heat that radiated from her body.

"what do you mean ellie?! you come back to me wanting to work things out, you fuck me and then leave me before morning hits and all you can say is 'i'm sorry' what do you think my problem is?!"

"you're unbelievable." she scoffed and rubbed her hands down her face.

"i'm unbelievable?" you scoffed back at her.

"yes making a fucking song about private issues and not letting me know? i looked like a fool out there."

"that's how you've made me feel ellie, like a damn fool. waiting for you to call me to go out or to make it official, the nights we have had together doing unexplainable things to each other just for you to flirt with other girls and especially bring cat of all people around me."

"don't bring cat into this!"

"oh i will, because do you know how that feels? how it feels to be with you the night before and for you to bring cat around the next day to cuddle and kiss when your lips were on mine just before?! i have been so in love with you for so long ellie, our whole lives. i've cried more than i have ever in the past couple of months and it's all because of you ellie. so good luck with everything i am so done with you, i quit whatever we had." you started to walk away before you turned back.

"oh and you can find another singer for the band, i'm done. i don't ever want to see you again ellie williams." you turned around and ran past a yelling dina. you were sobbing as you grabbed your things, you tried to move quickly before anyone could see you. you ran out the back and through the alley way. you started to make your way to where your car was parked. when you made it into your car you didn't give yourself any time before hunching over and crying. the night running through your mind, you didn't know how you'd recover from this.

----

taglist:

@gold-dustwomxn @lil-elliesgf @elliestears @cjrights

@hopelesssheaven @depressedbratsworld @amberputh

a/n: how do we feel!! i am so sorry this took so long it's been hectic ! glad to be back!

[girlgenius1111]

I want to be here.

part 3!!!

no warnings... i don't think.

You sat on your couch, staring at your phone resting on the coffee table. It was opened to your messages with Ona. You had barely texted in 6 years, only sending happy birthday's back and forth. Today, though, sat a message sent from you.

-Are you okay? I hope nothing we did made you uncomfortable. Not that you had to stay. I just want to make sure that you're okay.

It was marked delivered. There was no response. You'd only sent it an hour ago, and it was possible Ona had just gone home to sleep. But you didn't know when she'd left, how she got home. You were worried. And, as much as you wished you weren't, you were hurt. You felt... icky. Used. You knew Ona, and you knew she wouldn't just fuck you to get back at you, or just for fun. There was a small part of you, however, that felt like it would have made sense for her to do either of those things.

It's not like she could really have still feelings for you, if she ever did. She was Ona. The human embodiment of sunshine. A laugh that brought a smile to anyone who heard it's face. She was perfect, or as close as a person could get. And you were just... you. Nothing special. Nothing compared to her.

You pulled yourself out of the familiar spiral when your phone buzzed. You felt nauseous as you picked your phone up, Ona's caller ID flashing across the screen. Hand shaking slightly, you answered.

"Hello?" You tried to keep your voice level.

"Hey, I'm fine, I'm sorry I left like that. I just needed to get my head on straight." She didn't sound okay, she sounded like she'd been crying.

"No, it's okay. I was just worried, wanted to make sure you were safe." There was so much more you wanted to say, but you stuck to simple sentences, simple statements.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just kind of freaked out. Not because I felt pressured or anything, I just... got scared." You were relieved at that but still, she sounded slightly choked, like every word to you was a challenge. You could hear the murmur of someone else's voice next to her, but you couldn't make out the words.

Suddenly, you needed to get off the phone. You were convinced she regretted it, regretted you, and the rejection that hadn't actually happened yet felt suffocating. "It's fine. I get it. I messed things up, and I shouldn't have let it go this far. I'll see you at practice tomorrow."

You tried to hang up, feeling a lump in your throat as you spoke, but Ona's frantic voice stopped you.

"No! Y/n, no. Please don't run again. I know that's insanely hypocritical considering what I did this morning, but please. Can we please just talk?" She sounded panicked, and you felt too guilty to tell her no. You squeezed your eyes shut, forcing tears out of them, wondering how she still had you wrapped around her finger, so many years later.

"Okay. Do you want me to come over?"

"Um. I'm actually at Alexia's. Don't be mad, I told her what happened, I just needed advice. Can I come to you?"

That shouldn't have surprised you. It made sense. Alexia was the biggest pusher of team cohesion. If people had a problem with each other, she made them work it out. She clearly had told Ona to talk to you, to tell you that it was a mistake in person, so there wasn't any tension.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you soon." You hung up before she could respond, leaning back against the couch, trying to pull yourself together. You wiped the tears off your face harder than necessary, and took a couple deep breaths.

Ona was going to come over, and tell you that you guys made a mistake. That was it. There was no other option. And you had to be fine with it, because this was your fault. If you'd handled the situation differently when you were 18, maybe things would be different, but they weren't. There was no conceivable way that Ona would want you.

You must have sat thinking longer than you thought because suddenly the doorbell rang, and you jumped to your feet, masochistically excited to see Ona even if you were sure she was about to break your heart.

----

The 2 of you sat on opposite sides of your couch, silently. She'd been crying, you could tell, and she was wearing clothes that were obviously Alexia's. You ignored how good she looked even in a t-shirt and sweatpants that were too big on her. Her hair was up in a messy bun, a few pieces falling free. You were about to speak, to tell her it was alright, you knew what she was here to say, but she beat you to it. Her words surprised you.

"I was hoping maybe you could tell me what happened on my 18th birthday. After I kissed you." Her eyes met yours, and her gaze was curious.

"What makes you think something happened?" You hated how defensive you sounded, but this wasn't where you thought the conversation was heading and you didn't think you wanted to talk about this.

"Well you took off, moved out of your parents house a couple weeks later, and pretty much stopped speaking to me. You wouldn't do that without a reason." Her voice was gentle, as if you were fragile and you were so, so confused. Nothing she was saying made any sense.

"You didn't try to talk to me either, Ona." You said it more bitterly than you intended, and suddenly realized that you were kind of angry. Not really with her, but with yourself. For not allowing yourself to lean on her when everything happened with your parents. You hadn't realized, until that moment, how much you had needed her.

"I'm not proud of that." Your eyes snapped up to hers. "I was hurt, when you ran, but I shouldn't have kissed you. You weren't ready, you weren't comfortable with it yet, it was obvious. I pushed you too far, and I assumed you wanted space, and I was hurt, and then. I don't know. It had been too long."

You were really confused now. Baffled. It sounded like she was telling you that she knew you hadn't left because you didn't want her, but because you weren't ready. This whole time, she had understood you better than you'd really understood yourself. You felt tears welling in your eyes again, and you bit your lip, trying to keep everything in.

Ona scooted closer. "Y/n. Can you tell me what happened when you got home that night?" She knew. Of course she did. She had known your parents well, and they weren't shy about their beliefs. And she'd know that something catastrophic must have happened for you to move out at 18.

You couldn't look at her, staring at the coffee table, watching it get blurrier and blurrier as tears continued to gather. Your voice was barely more than a whisper when you spoke, but it still managed to break on every other word. "I told them. They weren't happy. They told me to leave when I turned 18." You stuck to the facts, the bare minimum.

You felt her grab your hand, but you still couldn't bring yourself to look at her.

"I'm so sorry. Fuck. I'm so sorry for all of it. I shouldn't have kissed you, and I shouldn't have just let you pull yourself away. I knew you felt bad about what happened, and I felt bad about what happened, and I didn't know how to fix it. You needed me, and I wasn't there, and I'm so, so sorry y/n.

The tears were really flowing now. Because how was she sitting her, apologizing. To you. For something that was completely your fault. You looked at her then, your eyes meeting hers. They were filled with apologies, regret. She was crying again, and you couldn't help yourself but reach a hand up and gently wipe a tear away with your thumb.

"Oni, you don't have to be sorry. I shouldn't have left. I loved you and I should have been brave enough to tell you that. And I definitely should have been brave enough to try to fix it after. I was a fucking coward, and you deserved so much better than that, than me."

"No." Her voice was suddenly harsh, and you jumped a little, startled. She softened slightly. "No. You were terrified, I could see it on your face. Please don't talk about yourself like that. You didn't do anything wrong. I always knew you had a tougher time with being gay than I did. You needed more time, and there is nothing wrong with that."

She said it so definitively, like it was a fact, not just what she felt. It was... almost convincing. Taking a deep breath, you tried to let her off the hook, still convinced she didn't want you.

"Well. I'm still sorry. I know I ruined us." She shook her head at that.

"You said you loved me. Past tense." Your eyes dropped again, suddenly interested in the tattoo on her arm. She kept talking, undeterred. "I hope it's not past tense. Because I love you. I loved you then, and I love you now. I never stopped. Alexia told me I needed to get my head out of my ass and just tell you, because she says it's obvious that you love me too."

You looked back up at her in shock for a couple seconds. You sounded broken when you spoke again, lower lip trembling. "I don't understand." And you didn't. You were genuinely perplexed at the idea that Ona loved you.

She moved closer to you, taking your face in between her hands gently, forcing you to meet her eyes. You'd never had someone look at you that way before; like she was consumed with love for you.

"I love you. I want you. I didn't leave because I didn't want you, I left because I was I didn't know how to tell you. I just want to be here, y/n. With you. I want tell you that I love you, that you're a good person, and you deserve good things, until you believe it. If you love me, if you want me. I want to be here." She spoke slowly, making sure you heard every word.

You were still surprised. Still kind of confused. A part of you was starting to believe her though. Her words, the way she looked at you, the gentle feel of her hands cradling your face. It didn't leave much room for doubt. She stared at you, and you realized she was waiting for an answer. As if you would say no.

Surging forward, you pressed your lips against hers, kissing her firmly. You pulled back after a second, and you told her what you'd been dying to say since you were a kid.

"I love you, Ona. So much." You were sobbing at this point, and she sighed in relief at your words, pulling you back into her. You smooshed your face into her neck, holding her tightly. She held you just as tightly. You let yourself feel it all then, and you cried into her for a while. She didn't ever let go, running her hands through your hair and whispering reassurances into your ear.

When you were done crying, she was still there. Wiping away the tears with the sleeve of Alexia's sweatshirt. Ona was looking at you so tenderly, so gently. You leaned forward, pressing another kiss to her lips, just because you could. She smiled against you, pulling you to lay down on top of her. You rested your chin on her chest, looking up at her.

"God we're so stupid." She laughed at that, and the sound made you grin, a bigger smile than you'd felt yourself have in a while.

"The stupidest. If we'd just had one conversation, we could have figured this out years ago." She was smiling down at you, still lightly pushing your hair out of your face. "Thank god Alexia convinced me to come back over here. She was so sure you loved me back, she practically dragged me into the car."

"I wonder how she knew," you mused.

"She says you look at me the way Mapi looks at Ingrid, Marta at Caroline. I knew what she meant, but I never saw it. Not until now." You blushed, realizing that you were staring at her, enamored. "She also said Mapi said something to her about you having feelings for me. I think they've been conspiring together."

Your jaw dropped at that, and you were suddenly sure that they had been. "Oh they absolutely have. We should tell them we aren't getting together just to drive them insane."

"Yes, and we aren't speaking to each other. They'll lose their minds. But first, I have something I need to do." She sat you up, and you looked at her, confused.

"What do you ha-" She cut you off, pulling your face into hers in a decisively dirtier way than you'd been kissing. You met her with equal enthusiasm, wrapping your hands around her body, pulling her sit in your lap. Pulling back after a minute, gasping for air, you responded.

"You're right, I think we're busy for the rest of the morning"

"Maybe the rest of the day"

She pulled you back into her, and you kissed her hungrily, taking your time, because neither of you were running this time.

-----

Hope you enjoyed :) not sure if we've seen the last of these 2, but let me know if there's anything specific you want to see.

[34saveme34]

(this is angst, I'm killing him)

the crew imprisoned Puzzles for a while now, and everyone decided maybe it would be good to kill him for good if he didn't die yet. 3 gets chosen to do it. He thought it'd be an easy job

word count: 1421

It was a dark cabin where he was. Restrained. Only the wind made soft noise outside. His own odd sounds he found out to be his own breathing. He forgot how loud it can be when he doesn’t have a show running in his head. The silence was deafening but so was the fate that was coming for him. As a light source, all he had was his screen, also making humming noises. He would sometimes turn it off as the noise was slowly driving him mad. At least that gave him a sort of variety he wouldn’t have otherwise. At least it gave him a lot of time to think. For better or for worse.

On a fateful day, the door to where he was sealed away opened, the light feeling like the blinding lights of heaven. He even would’ve believed he died if he wasn’t so sure that he wouldn’t go there. He missed his chance.

“Hi, freak” 3 came in, not closing the door after himself.

“SMG3…” something felt solemn about his voice. The tone kind of frightened 3 but he tried his best to hide it.

“You don’t have to say my name like that, sheesh” 

“What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing, preferably”

Puzzles chuckled.

“I’ve been doing that so I’d prefer not to”

“What you do or don’t prefer is irrelevant right now”

“Uhuh… Why are you here anyways?”

“Well, I was the one picked to check on you”

“Check on me? No one ever did that for me” there was such an uncomfortable genuine vibe dripping off of Puzzles’s words, 3 couldn’t reply for a while, making awkward silence between them. 

“Nevertheless… Check on me for what?” Puzzles tried to break the silence that felt ever so concerningly familiar to him at this point.

“...To see if you’re dead… and that if you’re not, I have…” as 3 spoke, he slowly raised a gun he brought.

“So you came to kill me?”

“Yes” he pointed the gun at Puzzles.

Puzzles sighed, which was once again a reaction 3 wasn’t used to. He was used to people trembling in fear when he threatened them. Not fucking sighing. It was pretty visible how his hand with the gun lightly lowered.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 3 asked, now his voice giving away just how much Puzzles’s odd behaviour was affecting him.

“Well, for one, I was put in a closed space with no light for several days. Sure wonder who is responsible for that”

“You deserve as much for what you did”

“I… I guess…”

3 once again raised his gun at Puzzles.

“Hey… SMG3?”

Once again that tone that scared 3 so much for some reason. He whipped the gun away from Puzzles’s direction. 

“Fucking what?? Can’t I just do what I was asked to and go??”

Puzzles ignored his words.

“I heard something about how you used to be a villain”

“Yes… your point?”

“I just… when I see someone like me, I can feel it.”

3 looked at him confused, his heart felt invaded in a way he thought nobody could. Like intimately pushing in a dagger that doesn’t kill but puts you on the edge regardless.

“I’m nothing like you”

“Really?... You flinched pretty hard when I mentioned being lonely. Were you lonely before as well?”

3 didn’t reply, the gun shaking his hand.

“I mean… I understand. Loneliness can do some scary things to your brain… I do wish sometimes I could just turn back time and do things right. But I do also wonder if there would even have been a right way… I mean, doesn’t it sometimes feel like life can just… force you to be lonely forever?”

Puzzles laughed at himself as 3 raised his gun, tearing up.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” he cried.

“Oh… I hit a nerve? Sorry, SMG3… I didn’t know… we could’ve been so… similar”

“We are NOT the same”

“We aren't”

“THEN STOP SAYING IT AND DIE ALREADY”

“Shoot me then. What is stopping you?”

3 stopped, his head becoming way too loud.

He leaned against the doorway, trying to keep himself together. Why didn’t he kill him already? What was holding him back at this point? This man hurt him and his friends badly. Even his best friend… They all lost so much because of him… So then, why?

“Hey, SMG3” Puzzles’s voice was weirdly comforting “It’s okay if you relate. No one will hate you for it”

“I already said, I’m nothing like you” 3 was full blown crying at this point.

“This is starting to get dumb… relating to me doesn’t make you me”

3 looked at him still angry but his expression softened on Puzzles regardless if he wanted it to or not.

“It just shows we have similar roots… But unlike me, you were given a chance for redemption”

3 didn’t reply, looking away from Puzzles, still staying silent.

“You… don’t need to give it to me” Puzzles said “I don’t want to… manipulate you into letting me go.”

“Then what the hell is your goal??” 3 asked, trying to be menacing but that kind of rage was gone from him at this point. He broke. 

“Me? Having a goal at this point? Don’t joke… I’m just talking at this point. Talking as long as I can”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why aren’t you trying to make me trick you into keeping you alive?”

“Like you would keep me alive! Besides… even if I did, I don’t know if I could get into a normal life. Being a villain like me… does have its drawbacks”

“I… I thought that too” 3 fully turned away from Puzzles, looking out the door “I was sent to the Internet Graveyard as my punishment. and I… learned there. It took a while but I… managed to make a life for myself that I could enjoy, even with all its quirks” he chuckled, thinking about it.

“I’m glad you were given a chance, SMG3”

“I… I am too. I’m… kind of happy with where I am right now” 3 never found himself talking so genuinely to someone before as he did then. It felt odd but he relaxed a lot more now, being able to think easier. He still found the situation absurd though.

A weird silence rested between them. 3 didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Sometimes I wish I could’ve been happy too but… I missed out”

“Are you sure you’re not trying to manipulate me?”

“I’m just speaking my mind… You know, I’ve gotta if I’m bound to die soon enough.”

3 teared up. He was starting to wish this wouldn’t end.

“What… What if I… hypothetically… didn’t want to kill you anymore?”

Puzzles looked at him confused.

“What? But I hurt all your friends. It’s only fair. I know… even the fans feel that way”

“I… I hurt 4 too and… I’m still here”

“You don’t have to forgive me”

3 looked at him kind of upset.

“Why don’t you want anything?? Am I not offering you what you wanted all along?? Freedom??”

3 put down the gun and untied Puzzles.

“Fucking THERE! You can run away now and never look back. And then no one will have to know. I’ll just lie that I did it so that they don’t search for you.”

But Puzzles didn’t move. 

“You’re too kind, SMG3”

“Fucking MOVE” 3 flipped Puzzles off the chair, but he could only flop down on the ground. “BE FREE FUCKING DAMN IT” he cried.

“Why? I mean… what did I do to deserve… anything”

“I just- I just want to give you a chance, like how I got one myself- I know- I KNOW people can change” 

Puzzles sighed as he grabbed the gun but 3 took it away from him.

“No! I said leave! Not life, just this god damn prison! GO!!”

Puzzles grabbed onto 3’s hand with which he held the gun. He turned it back to himself.

3 froze, never did he meet someone so willing to die. He really didn’t know what to do.

“I didn’t think I would die to someone like this but hey!” Puzzles showed a weak smile to 3 “I’m glad it was you”

3 looked away, as soon as he noticed the trigger being pulled. He didn’t want to witness this. He didn’t want to believe anything that just happened. He shut his eyes, running out of the place, never looking back. At least it was done.

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: TWENTY. I actually can't believe it. And back with another longer update! Lotssss going on here ngl, but hoping you enjoy it xx

Warnings: Talks of a withdrawal experience and a very very brief mention of suicidal thoughts (past tense)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Matty waited and waited for it to come out. 

For someone to mention it. For the media to catch wind or for the story to blow. He waited and waited, but nothing.

Liar. Liar. Liar.

It was driving him mad.

The reminder echoed in the farthest parts of his mind almost constantly and clouded his every thought.

And to only make matters worse, Teddy had lied too.

And what the fuck kind of man did that make him, hey? What sort of deranged idiot made such promises to a kid? I won’t tell, he’d said. He’d sworn it. 

He’d go back and scream at himself now, if he only could. But life didn’t fucking work that way, did it? And he had never been any good at the whole not fucking up part. He was selfish in that regard.

He could go ahead and blame this whole mess all on just wanting to soothe Teddy, to stop him from crying. Or the hope to simply leave what had happened behind them in a desperate attempt not to hurt her anymore than he already had.

But in the end, it all came down to his own narcissistic needs. It was what made the circle, wasn’t it?

“Matty?”

Matty’s head whipped so hard left that he winced at the slight pull he felt in his neck, turning away from where he’d been staring aimlessly into the mirror. Mouse was stood there, only an arms length away, wearing an apologetic smile on her face. 

Matty wanted to reach out, to touch. To say that he was sorry. But he knew that she’d only chuckle at him in return, all fond and sweet, and then ask him why. 

What have you got to be sorry for, Matty?

God, his heart hurt with it all. It hurt. It hurt.

Fuck did it hurt.

“Babe, you alright?”

He blinked, hard, and then, “Yeah, just, nervous you know?”

She chuckled at him. Exactly like he said she would. All fond and sweet. Lovely, like her.

“Nervous?” Squeaks repeated with one of those infamous smiles of hers, the kind that further stretched the scar going across the bridge of her nose and lit up her entire face.

Matty swallowed thickly at the sight but returned the smile all the same. It killed him, it really did, but he couldn’t say anything about it now. It had been days since it all happened and telling her of it would only hurt her more, he knew that. He knew it. And besides, no one had said a word. No one had mentioned it. So this was his secret to keep, and every relationship had those, didn’t they? His secret- 

And Teddy’s.

At the thought, Matty had to struggle not to throw up what little lined his stomach. 

Mouse stepped forward then, closing that distance between them to finger the collar of the polo he’d chosen only twenty minutes earlier, sorting out the kink he’d made in it when he’d tugged the thing on. 

“Can you blame me?” He finally spoke, gazing down at her now, at the curve of her mouth and the freckles that dotted her right cheek. Can you blame me? He wanted to ask her again, only for an entirely different reason.

She just chuckled once more, the soft sound of it danced in the little space shared between them. “You’ve already met.”

He widened his eyes in very real alarm. “You bein’ serious?”

That laugh again.

“Honestly, Matty. I get why you’re nervous, but it's just Adi.” She patted the collar down flat, hand slipping away to rest on his chest so that she could peer up at him. His own hands went to her hips almost unconsciously and he took a deep breath.

“It’s Finn, too.”

Finn. That had been eating away at him as well, the whole fact that Squeaks had gone out of her way to set up this little meeting for them. So that he could finally meet the man who’d been her best mate since uni and who had basically helped her raise Teddy. 

Typically- i.e. before rehab- he’d deal with a situation like this with a quick hit, a rub of the gums or just a line in the loo to get his head to work the way he wanted it to. So that he wouldn't have to deal with all the emotions that always seemed to want to fuck him over. But he couldn’t do that. Knew he wouldn’t. Didn’t stop the fucking itch though, did it.

“Yes, it’s Finn too.” Matty tuned back in at the sound of her somewhat amused voice, he found that she was pursuing her mouth at him to hide her growing grin. “But it’s just that, just Finn. You don’t have to stress. Honestly, the most you’ll get is a hard glare or a few pushy questions, but then he’ll be sound. Love you even.”

Love.

Matty’s mind lingered on the word for a moment, but she was smiling now, looking up at him with those eyes of hers. He lifted a hand to stroke along the edge of her cheek, trailing a thumb over a faint pink line that was covered up slightly by makeup, and wondered what she would say if he just told her now.

“I find that hard to believe,” He answered instead, watching the movement his hand made before his eyes flickered back to meet hers, “People either love me or hate me, you see.”

“Oh, is that so?” Squeaks laughed, the hand not resting on his chest moving to circle his wrist. “Bit egotistical of you to assume you mean that much to everyone you meet. I mean, I doubt the postman gives you a second thought, lovely.”

Matty reeled his head back a tad with that, pursing his lips at her words even though he loved it when she teased him like this. “You not heard any of my songs?”

He was gifted an airy snort in return and she then patted his chest before stepping away. Matty watched on as his hand slipped from her cheek. 

“I have, which is why I’m not too surprised that you’ve worked yourself up about this so much.” He saw her smirk and then she tutted at him, “Always one for theatrics, Matthew.”

He lunged then in a playful attempt to grab at her, but she jumped away with a gleeful laugh and a second to spare, scurrying back into the living room before his fingers could capture the t-shirt she’d chosen to wear- a vintage band tee, one of his he reminded himself.

“We’re off soon,” She called out not a second later, leaving him standing there alone in the hallway once more, “So make sure you’re ready to leave, your highness!”

Matty huffed a small laugh and then took a deep breath. He could do this, if not for himself then for her.

–

As expected, Finn did give him a hard time. 

The pair of them had wandered into the studio not long after Squeaks had dropped Teddy off at nursery, Matty waiting in the car this time around so as to not be seen, and found Adi already there with the mysterious Finn lounging on the settee, looking so at home. 

He was a good looking guy, Matty had noticed that first. Rugged and built a bit like that of a rugby player. He had a beard as full as the hair on his head, a rival to Ross’s own, and was far from what Matty had been first expecting in truth. 

When Squeaks had said that the guy was an artist, he’d automatically pictured some lanky fella, maybe with wired frames or a ponytail. But Finn was nothing of the sort, in fact he might’ve been the total opposite, and that made meeting him all the more unnerving. Because Matty hadn’t quite prepared for this.

Finn had a good few inches on him too, which was hard to miss and made it that much harder for Matty to not be as intimated as he wanted to be. A kick to that old ego of his Squeaks had mentioned earlier, but Matty could admit to feeling a bit out of his league amongst the guy, if only to himself.

The meeting had started off with the usual ‘you hurt her, I’ll hurt you’ warning, then trailed onto simple introduction and conversation starters. But Matty was well aware of these carefully arranged stares that never seemed to stray as time ticked on, which put him on edge and had him clenching down on his jaw hard enough to keep from biting at the bloke.

But the looks had ebbed slowly. Finn relaxed, bit by bit. And Matty? Matty tried his fucking hardest to make himself more than likeable. He attempted to mention Finn’s work and his own interest in art, which hadn’t gone down as well as he’d liked, he’d admit. So he’d quickly made do and switched tactics, asking him if he was interested in football at all, but of course the guy just had to be a sodding Sunderland supporter. As if Matty hadn’t already been pulling at teeth. 

It was just after that though, that Finn took the opportunity to finally seek a change in pace, and Matty had honest to God been thankful for the sudden interest Finn took in him, the man leaning forward in his seat ever so slightly and looking as though he wanted to ask him a question. 

And he did, only, it was one Matty hadn’t exactly been expecting so soon.

“So, you really clean then?”

Matty didn’t think he’d ever forget the way the entire room fell silent at that.

Finn’s voice was gruff, northern much like his own but more so. His words pooled out of his mouth so clumped together but low enough that his tone could be mistaken for soft, though only if you were stupid enough not to notice the harsh grunt behind them. 

Matty blinked back at him, honestly not at all ashamed to admit that the question had caught him off guard. Though, maybe he should’ve been expecting it. It was a question he’d come to hear as often as ‘How’re you?’ since he’d gotten out of his first stint in rehab. 

But still, now? In a space he’d come to feel a comfort in, around people he’d grown so close to? It made him feel like an imposter. Like he was just playing pretend here until everything in his life went tits up again.

“Finn, what the fuck?”

Pulling his gaze away, Matty turned to find Squeaks glaring at her mate, who was still sat on the settee, looking perfectly content with it all.

“You being serious?” She continued on, having paused her conversation with Adi entirely to level Finn with a stare that made even Matty nervous, “Where’d you get off on asking him that? Quite rightly, I don't think it’s any of your business.”

“Like fuck, it isn’t. He’s dating you, in’t he?” Finn immediately shot back at her and Matty watched on as Adi mirrored his exact movements, head rolling back over to where Finn met Mouse’s glare head on with one of his own. Only, his wasn’t fueled by anger, instead a stern sort of seriousness Matty had only ever really witnessed as a kid on his Grandad, who’d been a proud and stubborn man.

Mouse scoffed and shook her head at him, “Exactly, he’s dating me. Last time I checked, you weren’t included in that description.”

“I’m your mate, Mouse.” The man was quick to defend, looking hurt now. “It’s my job to look out for you, and I don’t care if that pisses you off. The shit I’ve heard about him ain't at all good and, in truth, I entertained all of it in the beginning, but I never actually once thought you’d end up fucking him.”

Another eerie silence wreaked havoc on the unsteady atmosphere.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

She was calm now, none of that revving rage spurring her voice on like it had done just moments earlier. Matty didn’t know how this would end, only that he’d never heard her speak like that in all the time she’d known him.

“What’s it meant to- what do you think it means! Exactly that.” Finn fired back at her, steeling his already hardened eyes, “You were getting back out there, flirting and texting. Just having a fuckin’ good time for once! And that was all nice and well, but now you tell me you’re actually with him? That you're making a go of it?” He barked out a sharp laugh, “What happens when he fucks everything up and uses again? You planning to be there for him when it all falls down around you? ‘Cause it’s only a matter of time, Mouse. Let me tell you.”

That hit. Hard.

Enough so that Matty surprised even himself at the suddenness of his voice, harsh but steady in the cautious quiet that had engulfed them all and splintering the growing rift between the two friends. “Where do you get off on saying that then?”

He met the other man’s eyes and noted the displeasure which swam in them.

“Nah, honestly ‘cause I’d really like to know. You have no idea what the fuck I’ve done, what I’ve been through, only what you’ve seen in the media. Yeah?” Matty barrelled on, pushing forward in his seat so that he could rest his forearms on the tops of his knees, actively trying not to show just how much the bloke’s assumptions had hindered him. “So go on then, tell me. Tell me what you’ve worked out about me in the past half hour that you’ve had to actually get to know me.”

Matty received a mirthless snuff in return, along with a slight shake of head, “Not much to add that I haven’t already said.”

Matty licked at his lower lip then because he knew if he didn’t take a second to think he’d lash out, fuck things up more than they already had been. After, he lifted his chin up at the other man in a slow nod.

“Right, yeah, because I haven’t just sat here making an arse out of myself, trying to find some common ground with you.” He gave a short humourless laugh that seemed to flood the studio, “But I'm gonna remind you of something, I’m only here for her, and her alone. So you can save all your jokes and your tragic fucking questions, alright? Because it’s one thing to actually want to know for her wellbeing, and even Teddy’s fucking safety. But to throw it in my face is another fucking thing, mate.”

Matty stood up at that, on shaky legs yes, but who did he have to fucking admit that to? Then patted down his pockets in search of a fucking smoke, shifting past the too large coffee table in the suddenly too small room to make his exit. 

He took another small breath though, a much needed one in fact, when he passed by Squeaks, who was sat there looking so angry and lost and humiliated, and didn’t even have to force himself to give her a pained sort of smile as he did. He didn’t dare touch her though, not sure if she’d want it, but did say, “I’ll be outside.”

She swallowed thickly in turn, Matty saw the motion of it as her throat bobbed and she turned to look up into his eyes. He was quick to look away, hands itching for something to hit, to cling to. 

The steel staircase was a welcome sight, even with their too many flights, but the kerbed sidestreet sat beyond it was one better. Matty all but gasped for breath the second he pushed through the heavy door, eager to relieve the ache crushing his lungs and burning a hole in his chest.

Childishly he kicked out some of that restrained aggression on the brick wall of the building a second later, revelling in the ringing pain which radiated up through his foot and to his leg, then did so again until he calmed enough to yank his pack from his jacket pocket and fall against it.

The fuck did the twat get off on saying shit like that to him? A stranger to boot. Fair enough, think it all you like, wouldn’t affect him then, he could honestly give less of a shit, but to his face? That was fucking brave. Tactless. 

Matty scoffed at the whirlwind of thoughts his mind was made up of, teeth cutting into the tip of his tongue as he scraped the muscle along their ridged edge.

He couldn’t help but linger on Finn’s words though, wondering if that really was all that he was good for. A fun time, or a quick line. Some faceless person on a drunken one night stand, or the famous singer some fan was hoping to bag. 

Matty had his phone in hand and his contact list pulled up before he could even realise it, the gesture second nature to him now. Something goes wrong? Call the closest dealer. That was the way it went, the way it had always gone.

But he couldn’t, not this time. He’d said he’d stick with it, he said he would. And there was still a chance. There was still a shitty piece of hope that had managed to lodge its way inside his chest telling him that Squeaks could still stick around, wasn’t there?

He laughed to himself at the mere idea of it. At how stupid he must’ve seemed, back there. To a man who’d probably never had to feel the mind numbing shakes of withdrawal or a paranoia that stretched a mile long. Who’d never been forced to deal with hallucinations that made you borderline suicidal, or an imminent need to peel the skin from off your bones.

Matty felt sick with it all. Hands trembling with the anger and anxiety he felt as he raised them up towards his face to light his fag.

He was fucking trying.

God, was he trying. And yet, people still asked for more than that. 

Where the fuck did Finn get off on cornering him like some little kid anyway? On looking down on him like some junkie sprawled out on a slab step up on the high street?

It fucking angered him, filled him with this senseless rage and evident misery that everything would soon come crushing down around him.

Things were too good to be true.

He knew that fact like he knew his own face.

It was only after he’d managed to dwindle his fag right down to the very nub that Matty realised he’d been sat on the kerb, head hanging between his knees, whilst the rest of the world had seemingly carried on around him, none the wiser to him and his many issues. He only seemed to register it though when the familiar sound of the studio’s heavy door squeaked open, hinges piercing down the hushed sidestreet. 

She joined him there on the pavement after a moment's hesitation, a moment he wouldn’t dare admit gnawed at his heart.

“I want to say sorry for Finn, but I know you wouldn’t care much for that.”

Matty wanted to laugh at her opening, at least he could say that she knew him that much.

She merely sighed though when he kept quiet and revelled in the way her elbow brushed against the side of his arm, lighting up each nerve that laid there. “He claims he’s being protective, but even I knew he was acting like a prick.”

Matty just hummed, already drawing another cigarette from his battered box. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth though when she thieved one for herself.

“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to say.” She admitted after allowing him to light its end, which was something he appreciated, seeing as how he was in the same fucking boat with that. “I just, I don’t know. I wish he’d have voiced his concerns a bit better, or at least to me before I went and arranged this whole shit show.”

Matty chewed on the inside of his cheek, weighing her words as he took another drag. He let the smoke fester and fill his mouth, coating his tongue before he finally hummed once more.

Though it seemed like she’d already gotten sick of that. “That all I’m gonna get then, just a hm?”

It was his turn to sigh then and a swirl of grey escaped with it. 

“What do you want me to say, Mouse?”

She frowned, although he didn’t know exactly why, before pulling her attention down towards the gravel road. She shrugged the shoulder nearest to him and said, “That it didn’t bother you. That you know he’s just a prat who’s acting the big brother. That you don’t really believe a word he says is true.”

Matty turned to peer over at her then, cigarette hand resting on the knob of his knee, smouldering in the light breeze. “Then I’d be lying.”

But you’re already a liar, his head screamed. 

What’s one, or two more?

He looked away from her at that, nose suddenly stinging as his eyes began to itch. Then quickly took another drag. 

She shuffled closer, jeans scratching at the grit of the kerb beneath them, and he was only slightly surprised when she laid her head to rest on the curve of his arm. “Does it matter? What Finn thinks, or what anyone thinks?”

How could it not? He wanted to ask her.

“I don’t know, Squeaks.” He replied instead, noting how she smiled sadly before she raised her fag up to her mouth. 

“I’m happy, Matty. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.” She revealed to him, a quiet whisper catching on the wind. Matty could hear the honesty in her words, the kind that thawed at the emotional wall he’d been building between himself and the rest of the world since he were a kid. “Are you?”

And that was the punch that sent it all falling. 

Was he happy?

He thought so, maybe more than he’d ever truly been.

So he told her that, voice thick as a wall of broken bricks settled around him. And although he kept on looking straight, he took her hand in his, “Yeah. I am.”

—

The days that followed ‘Finn’s Fucked Up Fuck-Up’- as I’d come to dub it as- were rocky, to say the very least. 

Matty had pulled away from me slightly, claiming that he had studio time and album stuff to work on, whilst I was busy ignoring my best friend. Which was a rather hard task to do when you were so used to having a constant rapport with someone. 

In truth, the whole thing was eating me up inside, but I knew it would turn around sooner or later. Things couldn’t get worse than they already had. 

And I had to believe that. 

“You seem down, ma chérie.”

I picked at the corner edge of the settee. It was one of those odd days, where everything appeared so quiet and you were left with nothing much that was worth doing. 

Teddy was already at nursery, Matty had texted to say that he was with Jamie, and Adi had gone to see her Grandmother. 

It had been a long while since I’d not had a day packed full of work, even my email box sat strangely empty. Which had left me on the sofa with fuck all to do until I had to go a pick up Teds again. But then I’d received a call from my mum.

“Non, not down. Just, things are a bit hectic at the moment.” I replied to her, smiling in the hopes that it would somehow ease all her worries, but that frown she wore held fast.

“Parle-moi, je t'en prie.” She sighed, shaking her head at me, or rather the situation, “How can I help when you won’t talk to me?”

My mouth wrinkled as I cast my eyes about the rest of the room. I didn’t want to talk about it with her, or at all in truth. But she had a way of forcing things out of me and I knew that she’d see the situation for what it was, so I ended up relaying the last few weeks of my life to her and waited impatiently to see how she’d react.

I received only a soft hum from her at first, her attention focused on something above the camera for a long moment before it trailed back on over to me. “I don’t know much of him, this Matty of yours, ma Souris. You know I only read my newspaper each morning and steer clear of the web.” 

I smiled at that, the web, it reminded me of days back home and the route I’d had to walk to get a decent signal before she had finally agreed to fitting the wifi. She continued on though, none the wiser to the train my thoughts had wandered onto.

“He seemed to make you happy when I came to visit, and I witnessed how he was with Teddy. I knew then that he felt something for you, but you, you have always been so hard to read.” She tittered softly at that, smiling at me through a screen, and not for the first time did I wish that she wasn’t so far away. “It was in the kitchen though, that I realised you felt the same. Although, I don’t think you knew it.”

I rolled my eyes, the tiny beginnings of a smile playing on my lips. “We were friends.”

“Ah les amis!” She tutted, not daring to speak the English word as she waved my sorry attempt at a defence away, “You two were never just that, not really. I told you from the start, non? You were glowing, chérie. I knew it like the sun knows the sky, that he would be it for you.”

I swallowed heavily at the surety in her tone and then glanced away, fingers tightening around my phone.

“Souris, I adore Finn, you know that. But do not allow his words to mar what you feel. If this Matty feels the same way then he won’t let it either. Things will work out, one way or another. Tu verras.”

–

He looked good. That was the first thought that hit me when I rounded the corner only to instantly spot him.

He was stood, grinning softly over at George, who appeared to be spinning some kind of tale or other whilst the pair of them smoked outside of the studio they’d been hiding away in. It was an obsolete building, dull and grey, and had a low metal fencing just beyond the main entrance.

Matty wore his usual wash of denim, along with a shirt just a darker shade of blue beneath an old leather bomber. I smiled at the sight of him, and took a second to steel myself.

Even though it had only been a couple of days since I’d seen Matty last, I really had missed the insolent idiot. 

“Oi aren’t you from that one band?”

Both Matty and George seemed to jump at the sound of my teasing lilt, heads shooting up over to find that it was just me standing there with a grin. I snorted at the looks on the pair of their faces, eyes as wide as dinner plates and jaws ajar. 

“Christ, you scared the shit outta me.” Matty breathed, shaking his head at me even though he was now sporting the beginnings of a grin, I felt a weight slip off my shoulders at the sight of it. “What are you even doing here?”

Wanting to dampen my pleased little smile, I pulled my mouth up to one side as Matty roped me into a hug, glad that he actually seemed happy to see me. 

I buried my face into his shoulder and felt him relax a fraction in my hold, it made me wonder if he’d been feeling a similar way. 

It had been hard, not knowing what would come next for us after the whole Finn fiasco, but seeing Matty now only further proved to me that I really wanted things to work out between us. He made things brighter, made me want for myself for the first time in a long time.

“Jamie mentioned you were recording, so I asked what time you might be wrapping up.” I answered him with a small shrug, pulling away to smile over at George in hello but more than grateful for the arm that Matty kept wrapped around me. “That alright?”

I was ashamed to admit that it had been a very real fear, one which had almost made me turn around a couple of times on my over, but I was glad now that I hadn’t.

“‘Course it’s alright, you pillock. You’re always welcome here.” 

I blinked in slight surprise, because it hadn’t been Matty that had chosen to reply to me, but George. “Oh.”

The drummer snorted, thoroughly amused, it seemed, by my monosyllabic response. Matty chuckled too, dipping his head down to brush his nose against my temple and press a slow kiss to my cheek. I almost held my breath, having missed having him so close.

“Missed you.” He murmured to me quietly, almost as though he’d just gone and read my mind, but then he was drawing away again. Not too far though, instead he moved to stand behind me and allowed his arms to hang over both my shoulders. 

I smiled, contented, and he raised his lit cigarette to my lips in a silent offer. I took a small drag, feeling a flush rush to my face when I caught the way George stood smirking at the pair of us. 

I lifted a hand up to encase one of Matty’s forearms, enjoying the way he pulled me in even closer so that I could lean against him, his chin coming to rest on the top of my head. 

“How’s it been going then?” I asked and the two of them were quick to delve into an explanation on their newest song, jumping over one another’s sentences in their giddiness to finally tell someone else about what they’d been working on. 

And just like that things seemed to slot back into place. 

It wasn’t too long later that George said to Matty that he could go ahead and leave, letting us know that he’d be heading back inside to clean up the track they’d been playing with, and Matty hadn’t argued. Instead, he’d grinned down at me as he took hold of my hand, cheersing George before we said our goodbyes. 

Together, we ended up in a little coffee shop a street or two away. Matty had wanted to surprise me with the order, so I had stood by the window and waited whilst he’d gone to pay. He handed me a cup full of something sweet once he’d returned, more sugar than anything else in truth, but I liked it all the same and sipped on it slowly whilst he’d led us back through the bustling streets towards a neighbouring park.

It was almost freeing to be out like this with him, seeing him smile and laugh whilst we simply walked with no real destination in mind. It was not an image most typically saw of Matty, that I knew. On stage he wore his front like armour, when there were cameras he was cocksure and arrogant, but then, in small moments with me, he appeared only settled.

“How’s Teddy?” Matty asked me soon enough. He looked over at me with this odd sort of expression, genuinely curious as well as concerned, and my heart melted a tad.

I returned the soft smile he gave, “Good. Missing this weirdo we’ve gotten used to hanging about, but he’s been happy.”

Matty rolled his eyes and nudged my shoulder with his own, swaying alongside me. He peered down at his almost empty coffee cup, tapping at its cardboard edge. “Has he said anything?”

I frowned over at him, “What, about you being gone?”

He peered back, eyes flickering left and right between my own before he ultimately nodded his head just the once.

Pursing my lips, I thought his question over. “He asked if we could call you a couple times, and if you were popping round. But other than that, he’s been fine with us just texting. Laughed himself blue in the face when he saw that picture you sent him yesterday.”

Matty snorted. “What, ‘cause I trod in dog shit?”

I hummed, then peered down at his feet, glad to see that he wasn't still wearing the boots he’d shown us the day previous. Matty rolled his eyes, catching on to what I’d been doing.

“And you?” He then asked, as the two of us strolled around a slow bend.

I glanced over at him, glad to see him already looking back, “I missed you.”

It was brave of me to say. I didn’t much like being vulnerable, but with him, he almost made it easy. 

Matty smiled. This soft, sure thing. Then looped an arm around my shoulders to tug me in, I let myself hug his waist as I leant further into his side, grinning stupidly when he said, “Missed you too, Squeaks.”

…

Matty followed me home after our impromptu coffee date and we talked some more all the walk there, mostly just content to be in one another's company again. And when it was time to pick Teddy from nursery, he waited at the flat for us both. He had been on the sofa when I’d left, but I noticed that there was a savoury smell filling the air the minute I returned.

I glanced down at my son, who seemed to be none the wiser to it, still chattering on about the new toy his class had been given whilst he tugged off his coat.

“Shoes too, please.”

Teddy hummed at me, smiling away as he hurriedly kicked them off. “We watch tele ‘night?” He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for me to pull off my own boots and follow. 

I chuckled and ran a hand through his windswept hair, remembering the conversation we’d had that same morning, “Promised, didn’t I?”

Teddy uhuhed and nodded up at me, before spinning around to probably make a beeline for the living room, as he tended to often do. Though he stopped short when he caught a glimpse of a certain curly headed someone who had taken up perch against the door frame there.

“Matty!” Teddy practically shouted before he ran full pelt towards the man who was swift enough to grab him by the arms and hoist him up.

Matty made a wounded sound when Teddy squeezed him into a tight hug, then chuckled to himself as he rubbed a hand down Teddy’s back, “Alright, monster?” 

And with that a dam of questions flooded the flat as Teddy wanted to know about everything and anything he had missed in the short time they had spent apart.

I knew that alone should’ve worried me. As well as how clingy Teddy suddenly became as the night continued on, but when I saw the way the two of them interacted with one another, Teds always eager to have Matty in his presence and Matty forever looking fond, I couldn’t help but brush the thoughts away. 

We spent the rest of our evening together, Matty had somehow managed to wrangle up a couple servings of a creamy pasta bake- one he appeared to have made, going off of the mountain of plates in my sink. Which had been as endearing as it was startling, leading me to question how he’d done it… His mum, apparently. Who had been surprised by his sudden call and the need to cook, as well as the reasoning behind it.

“She knows about me then?” I wondered, twirling with my fork whilst the three of us ate, the radio playing low.

Matty looked over at me, almost bashfully, and shrugged, “Sort of.”

I couldn’t help my laughter, “Sort of? What’s that meant to mean?”

“She knows I’m seeing someone,” He answered with a gentle smile and a roll of his eyes, “And that, I’m serious about it.” He spoke that next bit slowly, almost a little apprehensive, which only widened my growing grin.

I wiggled my brows teasingly, but stayed quiet as I wanted him to go on.

Matty merely chuckled as he shrugged again, “Yeah. She’s just excited for us, for me- which feels weird. Wants to meet you, too.”

I tried to hide my sudden nervousness, I’d never done the whole meet your boyfriend’s parents thing. “Why’s it feel weird?” I asked instead of lingering on it, ‘cross that bridge when you get to it’ and all that shit.

Matty glanced over to Teddy who appeared to be trying his best to see around the kitchen doorway and into the living room where the tele was still on. He gave a warm smile at the sight.

“Just not something I’ve experienced in a long time, I guess. I love her, I do, but she knows firsthand how deep I was in with everything. Felt like she’d given up on me at one point, to be honest. So, having her, I don’t know, say that she’s excited for me, makes it seem like she’s proud almost.”

I reached over the table to take his hand and squeezed, “She is.”

Matty let the topic go after that, tickling Teddy’s side to get his attention and remind him of his dinner, telling him we’d watch tele in a bit. Which was exactly what we did once we’d washed up and dried off, the three of us bundled up on the settee together whilst Hook played. 

Matty talked my ear off about Spielberg as the opening titles ran, and then about how if he could have ever been in a film as a kid he’d have wanted to act alongside Robin Williams. Teddy listened, enraptured by his every word, and all the more excited to watch what Matty had deemed a classic.

I made popcorn halfway through when Teddy had needed the loo, Matty running in just after him and shouting out not to press play again until he was there.

By the end of it, Teddy was falling asleep on Matty’s shoulder whilst the man stared at the tv screen, watching quietly as Peter called out for Tink under the statue.

I was happy enough to just watch them though, smiling softly at the picture they painted, Teddy’s little hand holding onto Matty’s and Matty’s arm wrapped around Teds.

When the final credits rolled, Matty sniffed and peered down to find a dozing Teddy, the boy’s mouth open as he breathed out soft puffs of air.

“Here,” I went to say, sitting up to take him, but Matty was already moving, albeit carefully so as to not wake him, shaking his head at me.

“I’ve got him.”

My breath hitched at those three words, insignificant to anyone else, but everything to me.

Matty gave a soundless chuckle once he’d positioned Teddy in his arms, pressing a kiss to his curls before putting him to bed. I followed after them once I’d turned off the tele, shuffling quietly over the wooden floors, I paused though just before I got to Teddy’s door, surprised to hear voices coming from inside.

“You liked it then?”

I heard Teddy give a quiet hum in return, as well as the slight ruffle of bedsheets. “Was nice.”

“Just nice?” Matty chuckled lowly and I could picture him tucking Teddy in before taking a seat on the mattress beside him. 

“I liked that he came home.” Teddy murmured and then it was Matty’s turn to hum.

“Me too, he got to see all of his family again.”

There was a quiet lull, before, “‘Cause they love him?”

I could hear the smile in Matty’s next words, “They do. Very much, I reckon. As much as your mum loves you.”

“I love her.”

A teary smile broke out on my face at that and my eyes stung with it, forever warmed by how sweet Teddy could be.

Then, “You love me, Matty?”

My next breath lodged itself in the back of my throat at Teddy’s simple question whilst Matty fell utterly silent.

It felt as though all the air had not just been sucked out the room, but the entire flat as I stood there by the door just listening.

But then there was the faintest sound and I knew that Matty had pressed a kiss to Teddy’s head, “‘Course I do. I love you a whole lot, monster.”

Teddy must have been fighting to stay awake then but eventually I heard him speak again, his voice muffled with sleep, “Love you too, Matty.”

I don’t know how long until I heard movement again, only that my heart pounded hard in my chest whilst the blood in my ears roared. I had known for a long time now how fond Matty was of Teddy, it was all too easy to recognise, but to hear him say that he loved him. That he loved my little boy. Was something I hadn’t really ever expected.

But that was just who Matty was, I thought, he loved. Wholeheartedly. And I supposed it had only been a matter of time before he let Teddy know.

I visibly startled when Matty appeared in the doorway, pulling the door quietly shut behind him. He blinked when he caught me there too, but I didn’t give him much time to question me, only sprang forward when the latch clicked to kiss him.

Matty returned it easily enough, fingers moving to thread through my hair, keeping up with my hasty pace before he managed to slow us down, kissing me deeper and deeper before pulling away with a soft and deliberate peck.

His breath came out in pants, fanning over my lips as he kept us close, pressing his forehead to mine. “What was that for?”

“Because I love you.”

I couldn’t believe I’d been the one to say it first, but how could I not? After all that I’d heard. And in truth, it had just come out.

“What?” He whispered, eyes unblinking as he waited for me to take the words back. I half expected him to pull away, to laugh it off, or just kiss me once more, but that was his only question.

I took his chin between my fingertips, gaze flickering down to his lips then back up into the heady brown that was so focused on me. “I love you.” I murmured again, heart beating loud enough that I feared he could hear it.

But Matty only pushed forward, nose catching on my own as he shook his head ever so softly. “You mean it.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I mean it.”

Then Matty was grinning, bright and unashamed, catching my breath all over again before he pushed forward to press his mouth against mine.

“I fucking love you.” He said, giddy as his hands cradled my face, chuckling away in disbelief. “God, do I.”

Then I was chuckling too, thumb brushing over his bottom lip as I stared up into his squinted eyes. “Stay?”

And Matty nodded, as though it was that easy, hands falling to my thighs. “Jump.” He told me, and so I did, letting him kiss me again in the dimly lit hallway that he’d just told me he loved me in.

He loved me.

[pablitogavii]

Hey i really need another story of gavi as a dad/about to be a dad (family masterlist)

It's the thought that counts, amor

Pablo was struggling so bad right now to make something for breakfast since never in his life has he had to cook for himself. There was always a cafeteria in La Masia and later, his mom always made linch she wanted the whole family to ear together.

When you and Pablo moved to your new apartment, you would always have a meal ready after his trainings and he really appreciated you for it secretly loving your cooking the most. When you got pregnant, he made sure you got your rest and his mom agreed to help with any home work that needs to be done including the cooking cause you can't stand long on your feet.

"Porque es tan complicado! Mierda!" he was cussing himself while trying to crack an egg for the past twenty minutes completely forgetting about the oil un the pan that started to smoke and cause a fire alarm to go off at seven in the morning.

You jumped at the loud sound looking around in fear when you couldn't find Pablo but luckily he was quickly rushing to your side and placing his hand on your stomach helping with the kicks.

"Amor! Shhh it's me..it's your Pablito..I'm right here preciosa. Everything is fine, I promise!" he was consulting you while the alarm was still basting all around you. When the smoke vanished through the window he opened, the sound stopped finally and you were both relieved.

"What happened!?" you said sitting up and drinking some water trying to calm yourself down while Pablo looked at you nervously while scratching the back of his head.

"You're doing it again Pablito..." you say after putting down the bottle of water on your nightstand.

"Doing what amor?" he asked acting dumb but you both knew what's up.

"Scratching your head when you do something bad. What happened out there???" you asked and he chuckled that you knew him that well already.

"I tried to surprise you...and..um well, why don't you come see it for yourself?" he said taking your hand as you both walked to the kitchen where was the biggest mess you ever saw. Untracked eggs on the counter, half burnt pan on the stove and cups of water all over as he tried to stop the flame.

"Amor..." you said shocked at what he menage to do in less that half an hour. You are definitely forbidding him from ever entering your kitchen again!

"I'm sorry! So sorry amor! I wanted to make you cute breakfast in bed...to surprise you cause you always cook for me..but I never knew it's so hard! Are you mad at me???" he asked pouting and you sighed walking up to him and holding his face while making him look at you instead of the mess.

"Tu eres tan mono Pablito!" you say with a smile and he blushed shyly leaning down to capture your lips glad you were not yelling angrily at him right now.

"But let's make a promise right now, bueno? I do the cooking and the next time you want to surprise me with a breakfast in bed, just order it from a bakery downstairs, vale amor??" you say starting to giggle and he nodded wishing he came up with that idea from the beginning. You were his smart girl always!!!

"I can try to make you coffee if you'd like princesa?" he said wanting to do at least something but you quickly pulled him back thinking it was probably a bad idea to leave him in the kitchen alone again.

"Just come back to bed and give me cuddles, vale?" you giggle and he nods grabbing you things and your legs wrapped around his waist as he carried you back to bed.

"I'm sorry the surprise didn't turn out good amor..." Pablo spoke while cuddling with you and playing with your hair as you checked your phone.

"It's the thought that counts, amor" you answer looking up with a smile and he nodded also smiling before kissing your lips lovingly.

Hope you liked it! <333

[myladysapphire]

His sapphire princess (II)

After the night in the brothel Rhaenyra is married to Laenor Velayron to protect the birth of her child. who in the years to follow is the only one of Rhaenyra's children that is believed to be his, she is loved by all in the red keep, even queen Alicent adores the girl, so when Rhaenyra proposes a marriage between Aemond and Rhaenyra's daughter Visenya, Alicent happily agrees.

The children having been best friends in their youths are more than happy to be wed but when the incident at drift mark occurs things change, will it be for better or worse?

word count: 1,379

CW: mummy issues, incest, childish teasing, bullying

Fem!oc x Aemond Targaryen (can be read as x reader)

Masterlist | series masterlist | previous part | next part

disclamer:  i do not own any of claim any of the A song of ice and fire charecters, all rights belong to GRR MARTIN, all charecters are his except for my OC  

                                 Visenya

"Mother told me something!" she exclaimed walking up to Aemond.

"What?" he asked, slightly irritated. They were in the dragon pits for one of their lessons. Aemond hated attending, but his father was always insistent on him attending, according to Aemond that was the only time his father ever took an interest in his life.

"Well, there's   a small council meeting today" she spoke

"And?" he interrupted,

She rolled her eyes, whacking his shoulder "let me finish...she wishes to reunite the family, by- " she hesitated, unsure of how Aemond may react.

"by?" he questioned, leaning into her and the dragon keeper spoke to Jacaerys about Vermax.

"she is going to offer you a dragon egg from Syrax's new clutch- my idea!" she rushed out "and, by proposing a marriage" the last part was whispered, nervous looking to the floor.

"Between whom?" he questioned, curiosity in his tone.

"Me and you" she whispered.

Aemond didn't reply, he is straightening, standing tall. Unsure of how to react, before forcing out "and how do you feel about it?" he said, slowly, moving to lightly brush his hands with hers.

"well-" she cleared her throat, moving up to look at him "that was also my idea." She said, eyes not looking into his.

"Really?" he said lowly, unsure "you? an-and me?"

"Yes, she wanted to betroth Jace and Heleana, but I suggested us instead. We are already the best of friends and i-" she stopped herself. She had had a crush on Aemonds for a few moons now, ever since his eleventh name day. She had always thought him handsome, but lately, she had begun seeing him as more than her friend. So when her mother proposed her brother and aunts' betrothal she interrupted, suggesting she and Aemond instead. They were closest in age, other than Daeron who was still in Oldtown, and already got on well. And she couldn't remember a time Helaena and Jace had ever interacted, outside of family dinners. Other than when Jace barraged into her room when Helena was there, and even then it was a simple greeting.

"You did?" he asked again.

"Are you mad?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm happy you did, I wouldn't want to marry anyone but you," he said, grabbing her hand properly before moving his attention back to the dragon lesson.

"Aemond, we have a surprise for you," Aegon remarked after the lesson was done. They were about to head back to the keep when Aegon ran up to them, shoving himself between the pair.

Luke had run off somewhere with Jace, leaving just Aegon, herself and Aemond.

Aegon pulled her away from Aemond, his arm wrapping around her waist, and his other around Aemonds shoulder.

"What is it?" Aemond questioned, as Aegon redirected them back into the dragon pit.

"Something very special," he said, looking at Aemond before winking at her.

"you're the only one of us without a dragon". Aegon stated, his arm beginning to rub her waist, pulling her tight to him. As if to prevent her from moving away, a common act he did with her, he was always wanting to steal her away from Aemond the second he was in her vicinity. 

"Indeed"

"And we felt bad about it, so we found one for you" Aegon spoke.

"What, how?" she and Aemond spoke at the same time. Her tone, accusing. Doubtful. How they had found a wild dragon in the dragon pits beyond her. Aemonds however was curious and hopeful. She knew how desperate he was. she thought he would have been content with the dragon pick she had spent hours picking out for him. But she supposed an unhatched egg was nothing in comparison to a real dragon. If there was one anyway.

"The gods Provided," Aegon said, winking at her, once again, as if she was in on the joke.

Luke and Jace ran in, holding a rope.

A rope, not with a dragon attached but a pig. A pig with wings attached to it.

Aemond's face dropped.

"Behold, the pink dread" the boys shouted laughing at Aemond's confusion and misery.

"Be sure to mount her carefully, the first flights are always rough" Aegon mused.

Aemond ran off, moving deeper into the pit for a real dragon. She went to follow him, but Aegon's tight grip on her waist prevented it.

"let me go!" she struggled out of Aegon's grip "why would you do that?" she questioned.

Aegon's face fell "it was just a joke!" he insisted.

"not for Aemond it isn't!" she shook her head and looked at the three boys "how would you like it if everyone around you had something that you didn't. something that was just out of your reach, and everyone taunted you for it!" she insisted, her eyes holding so much anger, that Luke and Jace flinched. Aegon moved to grab her hand, but he stepped back and scowled at the boys.

"he's your brother!" she looked at Aegon.

"Yeah well, he's a twat" he insisted.

"Gods Aegon!" she rolled her eyes, "have you forgotten that up until six years ago you too were without a dragon! you had to claim Sunfyre, your egg didn't hatch and yet no one taunted you for it!" she shouted.

She shook her head, at the boy's lack of remorse and Aegon's lack of response.

She turned to leave, quick on her feet. Aegon ran up to catch up with her. "wait!" he begged. "Senya, I'm sorry"

"Are you?" she turned and stopped walking, causing Aegon to come to a quick stop.

"Yes, I hadn't realised how to hurt it could make you feel," he said, slowly, waiting for her reaction.

"it isn't my feelings you hurt, it was Aemonds, your brother!" she went to leave again.

"I'm sorry ok, take it or leave it" his words meant one thing, but his eyes said another. His eyes were sad almost begging for her forgiveness.

"I'm disappointed in you all," she said before leaving, not turning to the boys' shouts for her to come back.

"Aemond" she spoke, she had been looking for him for hours. "Are you all right?" she asked softly, moving forward. he was covered in dirt and soot.

He didn't respond, his head was bowed. Hiding his face from her. "You did it again." She signed, moving closer to wrap her arms around him.

He buried his head in her shoulder, he had never been good with words, finding it hard to express his emotions. But with her he was willing to express them through actions, "you will have a dragon one day, I know it" she whispered, "I promise" it wasn't something she could promise, but she knew Aemond, and he would stop at nothing to get his dragon.

------

A moon had passed since her brother, Joffrey's birth. And whispers were once again filling the corridors. It was no secret, only denial that fuelled them that she was the only one safe from them. Seen as legitimate, despite her pale complexion. But the fact was that all of her mother's children were bastards. Her brothers were more obvious, perhaps if they shared her Valyrian features they would escape the rumours, just as she does. And now with the birth of Joffrey, whose eyes and hair darken each day, the rumours flow freely. Prompted by the queen. Her mother was growing nervous, as he passed past more talks of returning to Dragonstone occupied the dinner table. And with the recent banishment of Ser Harwin strong from the court, they would be forced to say goodbye to the red keep.

Jace had discovered the truth, but Luke was still clueless, and she hoped to keep it that way. She saw the sadness in her eyes when he told her. She understood. But unlike, Jace she didn't have a mother to comfort her when she found out. Simply a mother that stated it as fact 'she's not yours Laenor, you should not care for her as if she is', she had overheard it and all her mother spoke upon her confrontation was 'I loved your father but I regret it every day'. With Jace he got a hug and comforting words, saying he was a Targaryen and that was all that mattered. Hers resulted in yelling and a wall placed between them. They loved each other. That was true. but her mother was always hesitant about it. Always quick to speak to her as if she were the man who abandoned her all those years ago. And for that, she would always envy her brothers. Their father was there to love them, their to hold them and as a result their mother never held regret for having them. But she did for her.

Her mother had loved both of her children's fathers, yet the resentment she held over her daughters, the underlying feeling of betrayal only carried over to her, despite her mothers longing for a daughter rather than sons.

And now things would be made worse, they would be leaving for Dragonstone. She would be forced to leave her Aemond. Their relationship would now only exist through letters. A betrothal had been discussed, but not confirmed. And she knew her mother had plans to ward her in Winterfell in the coming year.

She would miss the Red keep, not the vipers of court, but her family. Unlike her mother and brothers, she did not long to distance herself from them. She got along well enough with her uncles and aunt. Though Heleana was often in a mind of her own, and Daeron was warded in oldtown. She liked to think of them as her friends. and Alicent had always been kind to her, giving her some sense of maternal love, which she sometimes found lacking from her own mother.

They were at the docks, her mother still recovering from birth, and would travel by ship with Joffrey and Luke. As she, Jace and Laenor flew.

It would be a quick journey, but a journey she would hate in its entirety.

She did not know when she would return when she would see Aemond, Helaena, and even Aegon, again. And she would miss them all, and pray (even to the seven if she must) that she would see them again soon.

If only she knew the sorrow that followed their departure, and would allow them to meet once again.

Next part

[whenanafallsinlove]

hihi ana!! congratulations on 150!! can i get..

✒️"SAD PROSE" - send a character + your favorite folklore lyric, and I'll write a short blurb

with hitoshi & “the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you” from betty !! 🤍🤍

ahhh tysm elle! sending looove <3

✒️"SAD PROSE" - send a character + your favorite folklore lyric, and I'll write a short blurb

THE ONLY THING I WANNA DO IS MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!! -HITOSHI SHINSO x reader

"Please babe, I swear it wasn't on purpose!"

Shinso had been apologizing for the last hour, but you were still too angry and worried to even look him in the eye and engage in the conversation.

You continued walking through campus, looking in every corner, with a mopy Hitoshi by your side.

"Tell me how to help, I'm really sorry." He continued.

You sighed, and stopped on your tracks. You turned around to see him and finally find two seconds of patience to talk to him.

"Toshi, I know you're sorry. But right now I'm still angry and I don't feel like having a heart to heart; I feel like finding my cat before something happens to him." You turned around again and continue your walk.

Hitoshi knew he had messed up. You and him often had sleepovers in each other's rooms, loving to spend time together playing video games, reading, watching movies... But you always fell asleep too early, at least for Shinso's liking. So, whenever his insomnia was making it too hard for him to pass the night, he went out to the balcony and let the cool air swirl away his thoughts.

You never had a problem with that, you had even accompanied him in a couple of occasions. The only thing you had asked him was that he was careful with closing your balcony door, so your cat wouldn't take the opportunity to sneak out.

And, oops! This time he had completely forgotten about your cat (strangely, since he loved it too), and as you had predicted he escaped...

So now, while strolling through the entire campus you could only wish that 1. Your cat was okay; and 2. That a professor wouldn't find it, because you would probably have to give it out.

You weren't even that mad, you were just too worried. And Hitoshi's neverending apologizing was only irritating you more.

"Please, Y/n. I'll tell the others to help us, we'll make a search party. The only thing I wanna do, is make it up to you..." Shinso almost whispered, about to give up.

You took a deep breath, feeling guilty for making your boyfriend almost beg for your forgiveness, when he was probably as worried as you and already feeling accountable for the situation.

You walked up to him and hugged him; burying your face in his neck. He was startled by your sudden change of attitude, but he felt relieved, and hugged you back.

"I really am sorry, I promise you we will find him." He spoke again, giving you a small kiss on the temple.

You moved your face to meet his gaze.

"Stop apologizing; it's fine. I know he won't be missing for long." You said, offering a smile.

"What are you two problem children doing here? You're supposed to be at the dorms, aren't you?" A voice behind you spoke, making you falter and break away from Hitoshi.

It was Aizawa. But he was not alone; he was holding your cat.

You felt the blood from your face drop, but before the situation got worse, your boyfriend intervened.

"Ah... Sensei, can I talk to you for a moment?" He said, and Aizawa raised an eyebrow, before nodding.

Shinso and him walked away a few meters, and you couldn't understand what they were saying; but suddenly, you saw Aizawa handing your cat to Shinso, while he gave him a scolding look. Shinso then thanked the professor and started to walk back at you, with a grin on his face.

"Told you I would make it up."

"Shush. I'm just glad he didn't get lost. What did Aizawa say?"

"He said that if he sees it roaming around ever again, he's taking it."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Don't you think I deserve a kiss for rescuing our son from getting kidnapped, tho?" Hitoshi spoke, with a smirk on his face.

"Ew! Don't say it like that!" You smacked his arm laughing, and kissing him anyway.

[leggerefiore]

cw: fluff, short, Volo in modern world (but not modern Volo)

pairing: Volo/Reader

He had barely changed since being forced here into the future from his place in Hisui.

Just as Volo had promised you, his ambitions to unravel all of Hisui's – Now, Modern Sinnoh – mysteries remained unchanged. A goal of forcing Arceus out before him to claim its power as his own would never leave him, not entirely.

No one but you (and Giratina) seemed aware of his more malicious intent. He easily fell back into his friendly persona that nearly masked his real self. Those piercing, stormy eyes of madness that had stared you down as he planned to use Giratina to end your life for daring to oppose him we no where to be seen among the people who spoke to him.

Well, perhaps that was him losing himself in that moment, as before he had truly been kind to you. Granted, most of it had been for his benefit, but still, you felt a certain closeness that no other in the wild lands of Hisui had to him.

You clutched a gift bag in your hands carefully. It was foolish to meet him alone, but you desperately needed to speak with him once again. Like most people considered an antagonistic type, and just as he was back in his time, it was difficult to find him. His avoidance of public spaces heavily apparent to anyone.

But, you knew him well.

Better than anyone else on this artificial island could ever hope to.

His hand on your shoulder from behind no longer scared you. It was expected. “Are you simply stupid or do you have a death wish?” he whispered, using his towering height to loom over you. You took in a shaky breath. He was terrifying. A madman with the will to bring about his perfect world, no matter the cost of life or pain involved. Yet, Volo was still not some inhuman monster. His friendly mask was not entirely a separate person. Rather, a glimpse into what he could have been.

You turned around to face him, stunned to see him still donning his merchant attire. The bag in your hands was gripped tighter. You stood up straight. “Neither,” you smiled at him, “Well, maybe a little dumb, but I got you a gift.” The bag was held out to him. It had a familiar red, blue, and white pattern on it. His expression was instantly filled with suspicion, yet he still took it from your hands.

Volo carefully pulled away the gift paper as he reached his hand into the bag. Out came a plush toy. The Togepi plush sat cutely in his hand as it stared up at him with a cute face. The blond bit his tongue. “I thought you might like it,” you told him sweetly, “A welcoming gift to this modern era. There's a lot more merchandise themed around Togepi and its evolution line, too.”

Volo shot a harsh look at you before tucking the plush toy into his bag. “Is that really the only reason you sought me out?” he hissed at you, clearly not wanting to admit he liked the gift out loud. You shrugged. His fondness for the Spike Ball pokemon was something that was shamelessly apparent. All the work to go through in evolving it simply meant he had to care for the fairy types.

“... I also wanted to talk,” you stepped closer to him, only a few centimetres away from the blond, “I… I know we may never see eye to eye, but I did truly mean it when I said I loved you.” Volo closed his eyes. It was obvious he was in some form of torment. Yet, before you had time to question his emotional state, cool hands came to cup your cheeks. Volo's grey eyes meeting yours with a strange grin on his lips.

“And I, too, genuinely meant it when I returned the words,” you felt breathless as his face hovered close to yours, “You really were foolish to come here.” His lips met yours for a kiss that held too many conflicting emotions.

“I'm never letting you go again,” he threatened when the affection broke.

It was hard to tell who was the real fool between you both.

[mrsjavierp]

Where you belong?

Chapter 11 - Hell and Back

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, MDNI!, age gap, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, prostitution, violence, dub-con, drug dealing - Narcos Universe, bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator in 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, loves! so much happened: i started a new job, i'm studying again, so i'm on crazy hours... anyway, i just hope you like it!

Dividers: @saradika-graphics

Tag: @creedslove | @pedrostories | @mjoee13 | @immyowndefender | @iamsherlocked-1998 | @pedroswife69 | @szde8-blog |

Narrator’s POV

After you busted out of your own office, your mind was rushing, thinking about what to do, people to alert. Ben was, indeed, dangerous, and he had help getting out.

Who's help was the most important and dangerous thing to know.

It had to be big.

Javier counted up until 10 and went up to look for you.

When Javier started to get closer to his and Steve's desk, Steve said:

“Archive room, Peña. But hey, I need to talk to you later.”

Javier just nodded, not being able to relate what Steve meant by that.

As Javier stepped into the messy room, it looked like a messy library.

“Missed me?” - a female voice called Javi, as random hands tried to grab him.

“What the fuck!” - He yelled, dodging the touch. The lights were off, he didn't see who touched him at first, but he knew it wasn't you: the perfume was wrong.

“Oh, Javi, it's me, Valerie… I missed you…” - her voice was making both of you sick. You were jealous, Javi was nauseated.

She tried to kiss him again, but he took a step back.

“Don't touch me, Valerie. Back the hell off!”

You were hidden in the back, hugging your file, hearing Valerie and Javier.

You didn't know what to do, so you waited. You took a breath, calming yourself down.

Your mind was going crazy enough.

“Was there anyone who he didn't sleep with? Oh fuck!” - you thought.

“But Javi…” - her whine annoyed both of you. If you rolled your eyes, Javier probably did the same.

“Valerie, leave me the hell alone! You were a quicky in this archive room. Don't flatter yourself.” - Javier were really fucking rude with her.

You heard steps in heels leaving and the door shutting.

You almost wished to see her face.

“Cariño, I know you're here. I'm not leaving until you act like a goddamn grown-up!” - Javier yelled at you.

“I don't wanna talk, Peña. Not now. I don't wanna say or do anything I might regret.” - You continued to hide.

“Cariño, don't make me find you. You're not gonna like me when I'm mad.” - his tone seemed serious. - “I know I went behind your back, but so did you. It's your last chance to appear.”

You didn't move.

“Your funeral, cariño. Ready or not, here I go…” - He spoke to the darkness.

It felt like a sick joke to you: play hide and seek with Javier.

God, you wish you could kill him.

You had two options: escape the archive room and, by all means, escape once more of Javier or let him catch you.

You scoffed low.

“As if I'd let you win, Peña… Come and get me.” - You thought.

You both started a kind of hunt: you had to get out through the door and Javier had to catch you before it. The room was poorly illuminated by hot, weak yellow lights, while filled with bookshelves and file storage cabinets.

And lots of paper, of course.

You could almost feel Javier get too close sometimes, when you realized: your heels were the ones to blame - clapping on the floor, telling on you.

You took them off, fast and as quietly as you could, and tiptoed around the room, like a kitten.

“Cariño, you can't hide forever… If not now, it's gonna be way worse when I have time to plan on what to do.” - He spoke again, in a way that mixed pain and pleasure, like only Javier knew how.

It went straight to your folds, as if he was just right next.

Any sound seemed like a loud noise and you were trying so hard to keep it down… It all felt like a labyrinth, messing up your senses.

Even breathing was loud.

Your muscles tensed up, you really felt like a prey, a little bunny being hunted by a wolf.

God knows Javier wouldn't have mercy on you. And you needed to buy time.

For a moment, you felt you could run to the door, felt hope that Javier would only hear the door closing and you could escape.

And you did: you ran, but as you arrived at the door, you felt Javier’s hands on your waist, holding you against him.

And as on the first night, you were pressed on the door, facing him. Your file and your shoes were all over the floor.

You could feel his hot breath on you, his body tensed as he touched you. Javier’s blood was boiling with rage and desire.

“Gotcha, cariño… You're gonna hear me, whether you like it or not." - He whispered in your ear.

You tried to move your body, but Javier turned your back to him, held your hands tight and threw his body on you, making it even harder for you to do anything.

Truth be told, he manhandled you like he would do to a criminal.

“Peña, we're here for too long, we need to get out…” - You were nervous, your mind struggling to make a point, while he held you and you could smell his perfume mixed with his scent and sweat, his dick going even harder in your ass. - “It's been too long already, people will talk… We can talk about it later, at my place…” - you're trying to make a deal.

But your voice was barely a whisper.

“No, cariño. You had your shot.” - Javier grunted. - “I'm done with your running away. I'm gonna make my point now, and you're going to pay attention. Are we clear?”

You swallowed hard and nodded positively.

He pinned you with his hips, pissed. You could feel his length getting harder and bigger. Unconsciously, you arched your back like a cat, letting him go further.

Be damned the moment you decided to use pants.

“Words, cariño… Are you gonna listen to me?”

“Yeah, Peña, I'll listen.” - your voice was still low and weak.

It's not like you had a choice, anyway.

“No, cariño, I'm not Peña now. Do it over.”

Javier, for the first time, was being ruthless against you.

“Yes, Javi, I'll listen.”

“See? You really can be a good girl when you want to… Now, here's the thing: We're gonna discuss it in more detail, but, for now, I'm gonna sum it up. I know a little about you and your ex… I know he was a dirty cop, I know you arrested him. Yes, to me, that note was a threat, since we discovered together that he's out. That's what I know. Yes, I went behind your back and talked to Joe about it, I called him. And yes, before we found out about Ben, I was jealous. It's been two months and I already feel like you're mine.” - His tone was low and deep. He said those words, and you wanted to believe him, but you were afraid.

“Peña, I…”

His grip tightened around your fists.

“No, cariño, I'm not Peña now.” - He repeated.

“Javi, come on… I need to get back to work.” - neither you could convince yourself.

“We'll be back in a few, cariño. First things first… Tell me you understood what I said.”

“I did, Javi.” - You continued to feel him getting under your skin. - “Javi, please…”

“Good girl, cariño… Do you believe me?”

His question was sincere. He needed you to believe him.

And as much as your brain insisted you didn't, your heart responded for you:

“I do. I wish I didn't, but I do.”

He also believed you. Javier knew how hard it was for you to admit it, and he would take it under consideration when he punishes you.

His grip loses a bit, so he could hold you with just one of his hands and grab your hair.

God, if you could, you would kill him: you were supposed to be mad, not horny… You could feel your core getting even wetter.

“You're, indeed, such a good girl when you wanna be, cariño…” - he had such a husky voice. It went straight to your folds, as your pussy clenched over nothing. - “After our shift today, I'm going to your place, with a good bottle and an even better cigar. And we're gonna actually have a full conversation about it. Be home at 7.”

You gulped, overwhelmed and sensitive.

“Yes, Javi.”

Javier let go of you, slowly. He got on his knees, just like the first time, as you turned to look at him.

You wanted him to do what he did best: make you cum.

He picked up your heels, put them on your feet, one by one, calmly. He picked up your file, got up, handed to you and said:

“You can go now.” - He got up and kept a friendly distance, as if you never touched each other.

“Why are you so far away, you're not even kissing me goodbye?” - you complained, feeling empty without his touch.

“I'm not touching you again, at least not until we walk through this.”

You roll your eyes, annoyed, and left for your office, banging the door.

At 18:55, you were already at home, ready and waiting for Javier.

“That bastard…” - you cursed Javier.

You spent the whole day rubbing your thighs against each other, craving for Javier. Unholy be that man, who not only teased you in that archive room, but during the day, saying things in a way that kept you still throbbing… Your mind played with his words, his discreet, yet noticed by you, looks, lightly touches that no other human being would suspect.

At seven o'clock sharp, Javier knocked at your door. As you opened the door, he was holding an incredible bottle of whiskey and your favorite cigar.

“Are you gonna let me in?” - he asked, with a playful tone that, right now, you were hating.

“That depends, Peña… Where you want to come in?”- your words had the same tone he used the whole day.

He raised his eyebrows and responded:

“For now? At your apartment, cariño.”

You take a step back and let him in.

At that point, he knew where you kept your things, so he just went to the kitchen cabinet and picked up the scotch glasses and your ashtray.

You observed Javier, it was kinda funny how he just belonged there.

It felt right.

Bother line painful right.

“There you go, cariño. It's probably older than you, this one.” - He handed you a scotch glass, and raised his. - “A toast?”

“To?”

“Solving things up.”

You toasted with him, in silence.

Your mind was still rushing from all that had happened.

“So… Who's gonna start?” - Javier asked as you sat down on the couch.

“I'll, Javi. I gotta warn you, it's bad.”

Javier took a deep breath and held your hand.

“I'm here, cariño. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.”

“Okay, Javi… Leave the questions to the end, please. I promise that I'll do my best to answer.”

Javier just nodded.

“My parents never wanted me to be a cop, but never prohibited me as well. They wanted me to be a lawyer or an ADA, whatever. I joined the academy at the same time as college. It was intense, but I knew I was at the right place. I met Ben as soon as I got into the academy. He was already an officer, just before he got promoted to be a detective. As we both know, the drug war is going nuts in the whole US… I was transferred to the DEA.”

You take a sip, as Javier observed you.

“Ben and I…” - you took a deep breath. - “We were an okay couple: people seemed to like us and I liked him. We had a normal life: dates, our families liked us and each other. Nothing alarming… But something always felt… Wrong. Ben never used the word “slut”, but his comments were things like: “why do you wanna try these things? Who fucked you like that?” Or “why do you need a vibrator, I'm not good enough for you?”... In such a mean tone, making me feel bad for having curiosity or desire.”

“Fucking asshole…” - Javier scoffed.

“Until I started an investigation among prostitutes and cicarios that traced all back here to Colombia. Ben wanted me to let him join the investigation, but I couldn't. He wasn't DEA… As it got bigger, we had a closed door operation… Looking back, the rumors started just after… I remember the looks, the pitty, the gossip.” - You scoffed, mocking yourself.

“Cariño…”

“Joe told you, didn't he?”

Javier just nodded.

“ ��She's such a good cop, but can't even notice what's happening under her nose’ or ‘if he's doing this, probably isn't getting any at home’... but my favorite was ‘she probably knows and ignores it. A woman shouldn't be a cop.’... I only found out about it later. And Ben was so fake…” - your voice had a bitter tone. - “He pretended to support me. He wanted to know how it was going… He said he didn't mind me getting home late and leaving early. He knew it was temporary, that we were meant to be for life… God, how stupid was I…”

Javier tried to hug me, but I raised my hand, holding him back a bit.

“Until the investigation was always traced back to the same NYPD… Ben's station, by the way… Cops were involved, FBI got involved.”

Javi raised his eyebrows, knowing what that meant.

“Weeks later, the day to bust into the main brothel arrived. The adrenaline was so intense inside my veins… My gut was weird, like it was preparing me. We busted in, silent, aiming to the main office. I asked to lock all the “clients” room, arrested the main cicario, it was so satisfying… The clients tried to escape, but couldn't. Joe and I invaded Ben's room, by coincidence, it was the closest to the office. Joe arrested the prostitute and I slapped Ben's face. Joe knew better than saying anything. We had a fight, he tried to be violent to me… But I held him, my rage and frustration gave me the strength. When I showed up with him, everyone was in shock… We took everybody to the station to book'em, but the stupid rookie didn't search Ben properly, and he had a knife. The cicarios all had a specific signature knife, and as Ben was one of them, the cartel gave him one. I interrogated him, it escalated to a physical fight, when Joel and the others came in, he had stabbed me… but not before I gave him a few too…” - You laughed, a bit ironic.

“Joe didn't tell me he stabbed you, Y/N…”

“He feels guilty for it. He was supposed to be there with me, but I didn't let him.” - I responded.

I finally picked my file on the table and showed him a few pictures, investigation, data and records.

“Remember I said to you my brother is an ADA? He was the one who did the trial. It became a family matter… My brother sold himself to the devil to be the prosecutor on this case and it worked. I don't know what he did nor who he sucked up to, but it worked… Ben was convicted, but I don't know how or why he got out.”

“Fuck, cariño…” - Javier didn’t know what to do or what to say.

“I talked to him earlier, they all know, the FBI is protecting everyone's family. If I had to bet, the FBI is investigating something about the US’ judiciary and Ben is the bait.”

In an impulsive act, Javier hugged you, as if he was going to protect you from everything and everyone. His hand went to your scar, caressing it, his hand under your shirt.

You closed your eyes, feeling his soft touch, your eyes watering.

“You never asked about my scar…” - you said.

“Since you told me it was a field scar, I kinda just let it be.” - Javier admitted. - “Now that I know the story… I fucking hate your ex… More than when I talked to Joe.”

You giggle.

Javier caressed your face, played with your hair, like you're gonna break.

“Javi, I'm not a fragile little thing…” - You complained, while he was drying your tears.

“I know…” - He said, holding your cheek, looking deeply in your eyes. He knew you weren't, but he wanted and needed to take care of you.

You, in the other way, needed to feel alive again. You needed to make it hurt.

You needed Javier to make it hurt again.

“Javi...” - you started, with your eyes closed, almost purring. - “Make it go away, please.”

“Cariño, what do you mean?” - he asked, still holding your face in his hands.

“I need to feel alive again, Javi. Make me forget about everything… Make me hurt, please. Like that night, when we got back together.” - You put your hands on his, holding them.

“Cariño…”

“Please, Javi, please…” - You beg, looking at him, desperate.

Next

[lovelywritinglady]

Demon slayer Rui (platonic) x big sis reader. And can it be hurt/comfort is possible? Thanks!! Sorry if you need a more specific scenario (^-^)/

I’ll see what I can do!

Big Sister

Rui x sister!reader

In which Rui gets mad at your for spending time with “mother” instead of him.

Hurt, angst, comfort, little brother/big sister relationship (platonic). Rui might be a lil out of character.

Rui Pov

Where in the hell is Y/n? She's been missing all night and she won't come no matter how much I call out for her. I feel like I've been walking for hours. I sighed looking around once more and after a few minutes I found her. She was cuddles up with mother and they were laughing and giggling while I was suffering. How could she do this to me? After all that I've done for her. A big sister is suppose to love and protect her younger brother and yet here she is spending time with mother. How selfish could she be do abandon me like this? She always said that I was her favorite and that she would spend time with me tonight. Maybe I should let father deal with mother while I deal with big sister. How annoying, I hate when they don't listen to me. God I felt so frustrated right now. I decided that the only thing to do was confront my big sister and make her explain why she would betray me.

I quickly appreared to them and the nerve of those two to seem surpiried that I would interrupt them. How dare they be surprised! I was about to speak when my big sister interrupted me.

"Aww Rui how wonderful of you to join us. Funny enough I was just about to come and get you." She spoke excitedly which confused the hell out of me.

"I don't believe you." I snapped moving closer to her as to intimidate her.

"Oh, I'm sorry Rui but I promise I'm not lying." Y/n pleated but I really didn't care anoymore.

"Then why are you here when you're suppose to be with me." I argued trying to get her to tell the truth.

"Oh my sweet Rui, I really was hoping I could show you later as-" She began to speak but I had heard enough. I slashed her face making her beautiful pale skin stained with blood. I was expecting her to cry or to beg for mercy, but instead she just sat there as calmly with a sweet smile on her face. This made me uneasy and the realization that I just hit her sunk in as I had never had any reason to do this to her before.

"Why did you make me do that!" I screamed at her mad that I hurt her. I was about to run away to try and get some space when I felt her embrace me. She held me so tightly and I couldn't help but feel so comforted by her embrace. "Is this what it's like to have a big sister?" I thought to myself.

"Rui, my sweet little brother, I wanted to surprise you with a human that I found wandering the mountain tonight. This one was beautiful and I thought that you would want to have it. I should have just told you and I'm so sorry." She admitted and a strange sensation bubled up in my belly. One that I didn't like nor did I wish to welcome. I then decided to forgive my big sister and take her gift as an apology.

"You're forgiven big sister, just never hide anything from me again." I told her pulling myself from her embrace.

"Thank you Rui, I promise I won't." She promised me and for some reason I believed her.

"Why were you with mother?" I questioned her as she smiled at my question.

"Oh, I was hoping that she would wrap the human for you. Mother's web is very beautiful." She told me and I believed her

"Good, now lets go see that human that you got for me." I told her but just as I was walking away she hugged me once again.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you Rui, just know that I love you and you're the best little brother I could have ever asked for." Y/n spoke. I suddenly felt tears on my head and I looked up to see her crying. I grimiced at this as I really hated when she cried because I knew she was hurt.

"I already forgave you, but thank you for apologizing again. I'm sorry for hurting your face." I admitted in a soft whisper hoping that she wouldn't hear me.

"Don't worry about that, we demons heal rather quickly and I have already forgotten about it." She proclaimed and softly stroked my hair.

"Now, lets go." she said as she grabbed my hand walking in the direction of the human that my big sister was kind enough to gift to me.

Thank you so much for reading!💜 Thank you to whoever requested this! I apologize if this fic wasn't exactly what you wanted I tried my very best.

Please feel free to like, comment, request, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n and any original characters•

L.W.L

[thorne-kreizler-fanfiction]

Big Fight (Thorin Oakenshield)

Type of Fanfic: One-Shot

Relationship: ThorinXFem!Reader

Word Count: 2060

Summary: Thorin and you went into a big argument and are close to make amends.

Warnings: Jelaousy. And just a few mentions of a heated argument in a marriage.

Author's Notes: ∙English is not my first language, so please be nice.

∙If you want to give constructive criticism or correct my grammar (revise my work before I upload it) you are more than welcome to write to me or send me an ask suggesting it. This shot in particular was revised by @sssiriusly (go read their fics).

∙I have to say that this idea emerged after reading @fizzyxcustard's One-Shot: “Misunderstanding” (by the way, I really really hope you like this!).

Suggestions: Reblog, write your reaction and enjoy!

...

You were the wife of Thorin II Oakenshield, king of Erebor. At the same time, you both were extremely mad at each other.

Two months ago, you had a big argument with Thorin, the biggest fight in the history of your relationship. The truth was, you barely remembered how it started; with the jealousy of Thorin. He caught you laughing with another dwarf and ignored you the rest of the day, until you confronted him. Then Thorin screamed at you, which made you angry and made you bite back. With uncontrollable anger from both sides, the argument escalated until he hurt your feelings, and you hurt his.

It happened the way it always did; Thorin got offended and then didn't know any other way of defending himself than spitting your flaws and mistakes on your face. Besides, he would turn the tables and your words to make you seem like the bad guy.

“Do not speak to me of loyalty!” He said. “He hasn't stopped getting closer to you in such an inappropriate manner, and you have never done anything to stop him! People might think you actually enjoyed it!”

You closed your eyes and placed your forehead into your hands, trying to forget about the argument. But the memories kept coming back to your mind.

“I'm so sick of you!” You screamed. “Go away and never talk to me again!”

You shook your head, sighing. You had to work on your outbursts, as well as Thorin's needed to work on his jealousy.

Luckily, a knock on your chamber's door (you and Thorin slept in different rooms again) distracted you from the memories. “¿My Queen?” You heard Lily's voice, your personal servant.

“Come in.” You said with a small voice. Lately you hadn't talked to anyone. At your request, you stayed in your chamber every day, not being bothered by anyone, and only going out to read under the sun to stretch your body and relax for a moment. But you never came across anyone, avoiding all kinds of contact. Neither did you eat with Thorin, like you used to do; You had asked for servants to take dinner to your chamber.

“My Queen,” Lily said, while entering the chamber. “I have come to bring your dinner,” she took a pause before talking again “and to tell you the King asked me to bring you this…”

“Do not say more.” You interrupted her, looking through the window with a frown, watching the midday sun. “Please leave it on the desk and retire” you said with a brittle voice. The situation hurt you a lot, but unless Thorin apologized in person, you didn't wish to maintain contact with him. That was your pride taking over you.

“My Queen,” Lily spoke again, after leaving the tray in the desk. “he insists on me telling you he wants you to join him for dinner…”

“Please, get out.” you repeated and closed your eyes. “I do not wish to be bothered.”

You heard the door closing and laid in bed. You allowed yourself to be true to your feelings for the first time in days, and started crying. You cried until you were so exhausted that you fell into a deep sleep.

…

Thorin had been in the dining hall for an hour. He had tried, since midday, to concentrate on his duties, but the thought of whether you would accept or not his invitation to dinner was unsettling him.

The servants started to run everywhere, cooking as fast as possible and preparing the table for the King who had arrived earlier. When dinner was ready, Thorin asked to speak with Lily.

“Tell me what she said” he demanded, his voice slight but deep as always.

“My King,” she whispered, knowing what was about to come “she asked not to be bothered…” Thorin slowly nodded, closing his eyes while growling. “She never gave an answer, but…”

“You can leave now” Thorin interrupted.

“Yes, My King” she rushed to the kitchen.

“I'm so sick of you! Go away and don´t talk to me again!” he remembered your words, and the anger grew stronger in him.

The door closed, and to that it followed the noise of plates, cups and food crashing against the floor with a loud sound. Thorin yelled from the deepest of his chest, getting up. He then took the tablecloth and stretched it until he had thrown every bottle and tray to the ground. He pressed the fabric between his hands while agitatedly breathing. The guards flinched, and it had been heard from the kitchen the mess Thorin made, making the servants prepare themselves to clean the dining hall.

The King left and the place remained silent.

…

You opened your eyes and stood up quickly after realizing you had fallen asleep. You looked around and saw only darkness. When your eyes got used to the gloom, you lighted the candle from your light table and the fireplace. You sat for a while in front of it, eating the dinner that had been brought to you hours ago.

You were feeling numb, but not physically. You couldn't think of anything or concentrate on your feelings, only on the rising fire in front of you, warming your body.

When you finished eating, you decided to read a while under the moonlight. You took the tray to your desk, and there you saw it; a letter. You frowned, and when you started thinking and stirring in your memories, you remembered that Lily had left something Thorin wanted to give you. But that had been many hours ago.

You dropped the tray and rapidly took the envelope. The truth was, that even while acting indifferent, you cared about Thorin, a lot. No stupid fight could ever make you stop loving him and worrying about him. While your plate and cup tinkled, you sat in front of the fireplace and opened the letter. It read:

“I wish to apologise for my manners. What I said wasn't fair, and I haven't been sincere with you and my feelings towards you, my givashel. I do not wish for this fight between us to keep affecting us. Please, do me the honour of joining me for dinner tonight.

-Thorin Oakenshield”

You put your hand to your mouth, both trembling. You looked out the window, and deduced it was almost midnight.

You sighed with repentance and ran out of your bed chamber. While you rushed to the dining hall, going down stairs and walking through corridors, many heads turned to look at you. You even met Dwalin while he was coming out of a door in one of the hallways. Well, you rather collided with him.

“My Queen!” he exclaimed, surprised.

“I am so sorry, Dwalin.” you sighed, agitated. “I am in a rush.”

“Then I won't stop you.” he said and stepped aside, so you could follow your way.

You lowered your head as a quick greeting and kept on running. Before stepping on another pair of stairs, you turned around so Dwalin could hear you asking:

“Do you happen to know, by any chance, where Thorin is?” you shouted.

“I do.” he said, not turning around to look at you.

“Oh…” you went to where he was. “And… Could you tell me?”

He sighed and looked at you. “He asked not to be bothered by anyone, no exceptions... I cannot tell you” he murmured looking away, as if he didn't want you to hear his answer.

“Dwalin…” you lowered your head with tears in your eyes. “Please,” you almost went down on your knees to beg “tell me where he is. I made a mistake and need to make amends with him.” Since you didn't hear an answer, you kept on trying to persuade him. “I think you realise Thorin and I haven't been… well.” he looked at you. “You worry about him as much as I do, and I'm sure that if we don't solve our problem now, he might lock himself in… wherever he is.” Dwalin looked away, sighing.

And then you remembered; you were the Queen of Erebor. You shouldn't be begging to talk to your husband. So, you spoke as serious as you could “I order you to tell me where he is.”

Dwalin looked up, surprised, concern and repentance invading his eyes. “He's at the blacksmith's.”

You looked at him with a hopeful smile. You whispered a “Thank you” and rushed to the forge.

…

The rhythmic sound of the hammer against the iron and Thorin's growls invaded the place. He still thought about you. It had not been possible for him to take you out of his mind during the night, so he made it his goal stay there, crafting and refining to appease his feelings.

Even before opening the gate, you could hear your husband’s growls, and that worried you. It wasn't a new thing for him to get even with his crafting, but this time, you thought you were the reason of his huge anger.

You opened the gate slowly, almost not wanting him to hear you. But he did, and the sound of the hammer stopped. “Is asked not to be interrupted.” he said with a low, agitated voice. He then turned around, and when he saw you, the hammer fell to the ground with a loud noise.

The place stayed silent. You couldn't watch him, and less could you talk to him. For a moment you thought of running back to your lonely chamber and locking yourself up. What if he was still mad? And what if he didn't want to see you?”

“Amrâlimê” Thorin whispered and slowly approached you.

In that moment, all fear and doubt vanished. You remembered the times he called you that, kissed you and made you remember you were his One. And when you saw him, you remembered how much you loved him and longed for being with him.

When you met his gaze, Thorin quickened his step and came fast in front of you. He took your hands in his and went on his knees, resting his forehead on your wrists while he kissed your knuckles. “Amrâlimê…” he repeated, and you felt his warm breath against your hand. You were frozen. “You are here.”

“Yes, I am.” you whispered without knowing what to say.

“You sound doubtful” Thorin said, insecure, and slowly raised his head, linking your gazes. “Don't you want to be with me?”

“I do, I do. I do want to be with you.” you said quickly. “Is just that… I wasn't expecting this reaction from you.”

“After moons of not seeing you, how else would I react?” he asked, getting up. You could see him close, admiring his bright eyes and paying attention to every one of his handsome features.

“Is just that… I never thought you would want to see me.” you said, lowering your gaze.

“And why would I not want to see you?” he asked, almost confused. “I love you.”

You looked at him raising your eyebrows, outraged. “Allow me to think...” you said looking at the ceiling, crossing your arms. “First you treated me like a traitor, then you did not come looking for me in months, and after that you told Dwalin not to be bothered by anyone, no exceptions…”

“I asked that to Dwalin because I did not see the possibility of you looking for me.” he said, a bit ashamed.

“Why would I not look for you? I love you.”

This time Thorin was the one who raised his eyebrow. “Allow me to think...” he mimicked your corporal actions. “First you told me not to talk to you ever again, then you locked yourself in your chamber for months, and after that you did not come to join me for dinner…”

“I fell asleep before reading your letter.” you explained, laughing. “I am sorry.”

Thorin shook his head, and put your foreheads together. “I am sorry, givashel.”

You both looked at each other, melting in a hug and closing your eyes. Little by little, you were getting closer and closer until you kissed; It was a slow kiss, deep and loving. You both had to talk about Thorin's jealousy and your outbursts, but that kiss told you that you wouldn't be doing it alone; You would work together in the amending of your relationship.

...

[vrmxlho]

SEASON OF LOVE - NOW OR NEVER

pairing: yūta okkotsu x gn! reader

day 22 ← masterlist → day 24

"i don't want to die without you."

you couldn't bring yourself to say anything more. you knew it was selfish and cruel to take such a pure soul out of the world just because you couldn't stand to be without him. but this was your final moment alive; you were allowed a last wish.

"you're not going to die." yūta spoke softly. you could feel the dishonesty in his tone. he knew you could hear it too. yet, what else was he to say? 'yes you're dying. i can't do anything to save you.' that isn't something a dying person would want to hear.

"but when i do–"

"i'm not going to let you die." his voice was strained and choked, you both knew it wasn't long before the tears would start flowing. but he was staying strong. for you.

you thought back to a time when you both were too young to even understand death, the finality of it. how it's an end. and there's nothing beyond. you were three when you first met. hardly a meeting really. you barely had a conversation. you remember just sitting next to each other in silence, holding hands, comfortable in each other's presence. you couldn't remember a time in your life without him, perhaps because there never was such a time. he kept you steady, you kept him alive.

there was always this unfamiliar feeling fluttering in your stomach whenever he was near. and you didn't know what to do with it. it burnt your cheeks and quickened your heart and when you asked your mother about it she worried for your health. but you didn't feel sick around him, quite the contrary, you felt ready to take on the world. you couldn't ask anyone else either. he was your only friend and something in you told you to never mention it around him.

you went years growing accustomed to your body's response. skin tingling at his touch, stomach knotted at all times and every nerve in your body exploding like fireworks. it's normal, isn't it? to feel this way with someone you're close to? closer than your own family. he's better than a best friend. "my bestest friend in the world." you'd say.

everything reminded you of him. the flowers, trees, stars, foods, laughter, even the ever changing seasons, no matter the time of year he was always in your heart.

the flowerings of spring were his livening presence and cheerful disposition. summer, with its long days, warm nights, and the way the sun beating down on your skin felt like when your hands met. autumn's crisp leaves and steady breeze kept you almost as safe as he did. and winter's thawing snow was his warmth.

you didn't want to die. especially if it meant never seeing him again. but what could you do? it was not a matter you could force on him. you could feel new tears washing over the dried ones and suddenly you felt at peace. you had accepted your fate. you wanted him to leave with you because you knew how the guilt and horror would rot him. but you knew it would pass. there was no reason for him to come. you were brave. you still are brave.

"i'll miss you, yuta. you're my bestest friend."

it was silent for much longer than a moment. time was freezing up and your fate crept closer. but you both sat in silence, holding hands, comfortable in each other's presence.

"i've loved you since we were younger. before all this madness and before i knew what love even was."

it was silent again. as if he needed to recollect his words. as if he had forgotten a speech he had been preparing for. but also, as if he wasn't really sure what to say next.

"i've loved you every second, of every day. seeing you like this is killing me."

to this you scoffed. you didn't mean it to be rude it was just so painfully ironic. and flattering in a way. he cared so much about you? you weren't aware.

"i can feel my soul break into pieces. i can feel my heart shatter. i can feel my insides giving up. because what is a world without you? it surely wouldn't be a world i want to be in. and since meeting you, i have always repressed how deeply i care for you. i'm a coward for waiting till now. so forgive me. but i love you."

suddenly it all made sense. love. it was love you felt when you were with him. how had you not thought about it before? how had it never crossed your mind? it was so obvious. it wasn't normal and it was different.

but much before you could utter a word your heart had stopped and your blood stopped flowing. you died. with a smile, and your flushed face ran cold.

so yūta sat there in silence, holding your lifeless hand, uncomfortable in the lack of your presence. yet, at peace, because you died knowing who he really was.

[bubblegumrush]

T𝕙𝕖𝕞𝕖 P𝕒𝕣𝕜 (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐)⌇𝙼𝚊𝚔𝚘𝚝𝚘 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛⌇𝖬𝗒 𝖫𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖲𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒!!

Chapter Six

Everything was beautiful, maybe because your expectations were so low, or maybe because you've had such a shitty day that everything good was so much better, but it was truly a sight to see.

It might have been the highlight of your day; nothing could ruin this moment for you. Nothing you hoped would ruin this for you.

"Y/N." He called your name, looking at you with a face that described an uneasiness he had.

"Yeah?" You turned around, facing him face-to-face.

He and you went your own way and weren't with the group anymore after you decided you wanted your peace alone, and naturally, he followed along. Even though the crowd was loud, you enjoyed being next to him; it felt like even if you were alone all day, he was always with you. It was a weird feeling that you couldn't explain.

He stared at you with a distant gaze, as if he were contemplating whether or not he was going to tell you what was on his mind.

"I'm glad I found you. I would've felt bad if you missed the light show; it's truly a sight to see." He said this, looking away with a face that showed discontent.

You questioned his bizarre behaviour; what was he hiding? What was he hiding from you?

"Why'd you stop talking to me, Suna?"

You turned towards him, ignoring the loud sounds of the fireworks and the cheers that filled your ears. You could hear the silence. The one he had as he looked back at you with an uneasy look.

He opened his mouth to answer you back, but you cut him off before he could even mutter a single word.

"I thought we were friends, but these past few weeks felt like I was befriending a stranger, even though I've known you all my life." You sighed, shaking your head in discontent. "Do YOU know how hard it is to talk to you? It feels like talking to a fucking brick wall. Each time we'd make a connection, it was lost the next time I'd see you. It felt like I tried so hard for nothing. I don't even know why I try so hard to be friends again." You lashed out, having not finished all the pent-up anger you coped with inside for all those years. "I thought maybe I was being delusional, that my wish could actually happen, that we could be friends again. But every time I'd look at you, I could see the look in your eyes—the same one you had when you'd ignored me for all those years. It pained you to talk to me."

You paused for a moment, looking around, and then back at him. You felt trapped; this was not an ideal place to get mad.

Sunakawa looked at you. He was at a loss for words; he knew you all too well to say anything. He knew that if he spoke, it'd just make you angrier.

"I gotta go."

You left, disappearing into the crowd as he stood there, clueless of the sudden action.

"Oi Suna!" Takeo yelled. "Huh, where's Y/N? I thought she was with you."

"She left.."

"Oh, I thought she'd like the parade." Takeo scratched his head as he pondered why you left so suddenly.

"Well, I'll be leaving too; I don't really feel like watching the parade anymore. Have fun." Suna said, waving goodbye as he headed in the direction you left.

He arrived at the apartment complex, guessing you went home, as that was the only logical place to be at this time of night.

He knocked on the front door to receive your mother at the door.

"Makoto? What are you doing here?" Your mother asked, thinking you were all at the theme park.

"Is Y/N home? She left in a rush; I'm looking for her." Suna explained.

"No, not that I know of." Your mother left the doorway to go check your room, only to find it empty. "No, she's not home. Sorry, Makoto, I can't help you with that girl. She's always running off to who knows where." Your mother sighed.

"It's not a problem; sorry for the disturbance." He apologized

"Don't worry, Makoto. With Takeo always barging into your house, you're more than welcome to barge into ours. Now, I'm heading to bed. I hope you find Y/N. Now goodnight."

She closed the door, leaving Suna to wonder where you could be. He leaned against the railing, looking at the night sky, to help jog some ideas on where you could've left. It felt just like the night before, when it was just you and him. All of a sudden, he spots in the distance a small park that you were looking at the previous night.

You swung slowly on the swings, dragging your feet on the ground. It made two perfectly vertical lines in the dirt. You smiled to yourself before it was ruined by the footsteps of two very familiar feet.

You didn't even dare to lift your head; you knew who it was.

"Y/N-"

"When it came around to it, you were always Takeo's friend. Never mine. It's not like you're the first one to actually make me feel like that. You know, I've had quite a lot of friends do the same exact thing you did. They chose my brother over me." You scoffed, "I did everything they liked; I liked everything they liked; I shared myself with them in hopes for the connection to be just between me and them. But once they knew my brother, that friendship was over. We were kids; if Takeo asked to play with us, I'd never say no. I could never say no to him, even if I'd end up hurting myself more. I've never had a single friend; I can't have friends anymore. The only friend I ever had was you. But even you chose him over me. And for some reason, that hurt me more than any other friendship. In truth, I was angry at myself for losing you. But then I thought maybe we were never friends. I was just your 'best friend's sister'. And that.. And t-that.. I-i wa.."

You didn't want to cry because you knew that once you did, you couldn't stop, and that the ground you built to say all those would disappear once his pity for looking at your face would appear.

"Y/N, stop." He approached you, kneeling down to look at your cowering head. He grabbed your shoulders from both sides with a firm yet gentle grip. "It's all my fault; I know it's my fault, Y/N, so stop blaming yourself. You couldn't have known why I stopped talking to you. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I'm sorry, Y/N."

You look up at him, your eyes watery, yet there are still no tears. "Why. Why did you stop?"

He felt at a loss for words, not knowing if telling you everything would make it better for you or if not telling you would make it better for himself.

"I liked you; that's why I stopped talking to you."

He let go of you, sitting down on the ground. "I was afraid that my feelings for you would ruin the friendship I have with Takeo. He was my only friend back then. I couldn't..."

You steeped your anger in silence, processing everything he said.

"It was a horrible thing to do to you; you were my friend, Y/N. I just couldn't face seeing you in that lighting, but I know I should've just dealt with it instead of avoiding it. Takeo was my first friend, and I felt incapable of betraying him. And somehow it justified my actions for betraying you; well, I convinced myself that it was the right thing to do."

He sounded regretful; he looked regretful. But you just felt so boiled up from anger that you couldn't see it. "Y/N, I know it's hard to forgive me, and I don't expect it. I understand if you don't. But I just want you to stop blaming yourself, and please stop comparing yourself to Takeo. You two are nothing alike, yet you both are the same exact person. You both share the same empathetic and kind heart as each other."

His words struck a chord within you, one that was always a sensitive topic for you.

"You'd still choose Takeo if it came down to it." You said, stubbornly, still not letting go of his previous words.

"No, I wouldn't." He replied, understanding your need for confirmation. "I wouldn't choose anyone. If it came down to it, I'd rather lose you both than choose one over the other." He said, truthfully.

"But you did choose him."

"It was in the past, Y/N. I didn't understand what my actions could've done to you. I selfishly chose to coward away and ignore it. I shouldn't have done that... I'm sorry." He answered you with patience, as he knows you all too well to be brute and insensitive about it.

You felt justified, or your questions had been answered, yet you still felt unresolved. Years of this back and forth, of this wondering. You selfishly hoped he'd say that he'd choose you over Takeo, no matter what. But that would be out of character for him; he had too many good morals to be that irrational in saying those words. Even so, he'd never choose me over Takeo. He would never do that.

"Suna," you said, standing up from the swings. "I don't think I'll ever get over the feeling of being the 'second choice', but I'm thankful you told me everything. I understand where you come from, but I need you to understand that I'm still hurt. I can't just pretend none of this happened."

You left, feeling like part of you found peace and part of you just couldn't let go.

"Oh, you're back." Your mom said this after hearing you come in from the door.

"And you're still awake." You replied coldly, taking off your shoes and changing into your slippers.

"What's up with you? Did you know Makoto came looking for you? I told him I didn't know. Should I let him know you came home?"

"No."

"Hey, what's wrong?" Your mother inquired, getting worried about your weird attitude.

She looked at you with worried eyes; she knew something was bothering you and was willing to help if you told her. However, you stood there, by the doorway of your room, your hand on the doorknob, contemplating whether or not telling might help.

You felt conflicted, overwhelmed, and at an overall loss for what to feel and what to do. Whether to forgive and forget or to resent and remember.

It felt like all those pent-up emotions left your body as you silently wept, and those bottled-up tears dropped endlessly as you felt like there was no use anymore to keep them inside.

"Oh, my dear Y/N." Your mom exclaimed as she went to hug you in her arms. "It's okay. Mommy's here. I'm not leaving, so let it all out."

Your mom sat on the couch as you laid your head on her lap, feeling like a little girl all over again.

"So, what's been bothering you?" She asked as you started calming down from your crying.

You sat up, looking at her face-to-face. Your nose sniffled and your eyes swollen. "There's this friend," you began, not knowing where exactly you were going. "He-They betrayed me. And I'm conflicted. They hurt me so much, but I'm frustrated by the fact that their reason for doing so justifies their actions. But it also makes it painful to hear because... because they never thought about you or cared about you. They say they changed and that it won't happen ever again, but how am I supposed to know if he's telling the truth? I don't know how to go around and act like he never chose someone else over me. I don't know what to feel, what to do, or what to say. Mom, I don't know anything..."

You broke down, crying again, as you covered your face with your hands.

"Listen, Y/N. I've had my fair share of betrayal and whatnot during my prime. I understand what you're going through, and I understand that it's a hard decision. Now, some moms might tell you to listen to your heart and all that bullshit; that doesn't work if your heart is as conflicted as your head. However, I'm not 'some mom'; I'm telling you to give it some time. To know if someone is really regretful, you'll need time to see it through. If he wasn't sorry and truthful about his words, he wouldn't wait around for your forgiveness. On the other hand, if he is truly regretful and willing to keep his promise, he will wait. Even if it takes days or months, he will wait for your forgiveness by showing you how much he's changed. That's when you know he's sincere and really values you." She pulls you into her embrace. "It takes time, honey; you'll have to be patient. But it also means that you have to have a little faith in that person. To let him show you that he's regretful of his past actions."

You nodded your head in understanding; your mom was very wise when she wanted to be. "I understand. Thanks, mom."

"Even if I'm pregnant, you're still my baby. You and Takeo. And it hurts to see you in pain. I might not understand the full story of it all, but you can tell me anything. I'm your mother, after all. Other than feeding you, housing you, educating you, and basically everything else, I'm here to listen to you."

You hugged her tightly. "Yes, mom, I know that. I love you."

"Haha, that's quite enough. You're going to squeeze the baby out of me if you continue."

[grmsshaile]

Beth Greene × Y/N

Beth Greene × Y/N!FemReader

Actually, I have to tell you guys, it's my first post on the tumblr and I am new in this platform. And probably you will understand, English is not my first language. I hope you like. And by the way you can call me Haile, (not my real name) and I'm 16 years old. I love you guys<3

"Hey, Y/N"

You saw the girl who approaching you. "Hi." You said with a cold voice.

You were mad at her since you saw her with Daryl and they were hugging.

"What's up?"

You didn't respond. You turned back and started walking to the horses.

"Y/N?"

"What, Beth?"

Beth was surprised. "What happened to this girl?" She asked herself. She wasn't know why are you like this.

"I-I just wanted to make sure you are okay."

"Like you see, I'm very well."

"Something is wrong, Y/N. Please tell me what happened."

"Oh, Bethy, how nice to you. You are such a lady. Now go ahead and leave me alone. I'm working here." It was really mean and it broke her heart.

"O-okay, then. I'm sorry. But remember... You don't have to mean to me when you are angry something which I don't know why."

You didn't even hear her.

You were important for her and you broke her heart, like she did.

After a while, you are in your own cell, reading comics with Carl.

Suddenly, you wanted to check Beth and started going to her cell. When you arrive, you see Beth is crying on Daryl's lap. You felt out of breath. You couldn't move with the knife stuck in your heart. She was at peace with him, she was calmed by his whispers, she was in his arms, in his lap.

Then you hear something.

"I don't love her as a friend." She sniffs. You didn't want to listen the rest of conservation, knowing it will hurt your feelings. She was hating you, you thought so.

You felt your tears on your both cheeks. Your heart was hurting, never felt like that before. It was almost like, you were dying inside.

You wanted to kill Daryl, to stealing your girl, your best friend, your crush, the reason why you are surviving the middle of the apocalypse, your everything.

"Did I interrupted something?" You finally spoke, barely.

"Y/N if you heard what I said, I really didn't mean it-"

"Oh, no Beth. It's enough. I don't want to listen excuses, or 'how can you believe it, I love you so much' or something. It's done. Really." You couldn't hold back it anymore. "And look at you two, you look like a perfect match."

"We are not-"

"Of course you are not dating. You are flirting now. It's too early to start dating, right?"

"Y/N-"

"Oh, no, don't 'Y/N' to me."

"Jesus, just listen her!" Daryl snapped at you.

"I wish i had a boyfriend like yours, Beth. So protective, possessive, only for you. I could do same thing-" You started crying and it felt like you were a dickhead. Why are you even crying?

"Our friendship is done. Like really. If you would call a friendship."

"Please, don't..." She begged.

"Because I'm done too. I'm tired of all these shit."

You loved her, you love her and which one is the stupidest thing, you will love her forever.

Your love is too much for her, you thought.

She watched while you are dying inside. Didn't say anything. Didn't look at you. It killed you again.

Maybe part two?? (I know it's so bad but i just wanted to try. And I use simple sentences, words for not making mistakes.pff. actually I can explain myself with sentences but my english never feels like it's enough.)