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gremlingottoosilly · 4 months

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Please, Stand by [dark!Ghost x fem!Reader x dark!Soap]

You woke up in your captor's apartment. Turns out, getting out of the grasp of two trained special forces soldiers isn't exactly an easy task.

TW and tags: non-con to dub-con, size difference, power imbalance, fingering, hurt/comfort(but it comes from the ones who hurt you), yandere, dark!141, possessive 141, obsessive 141, kidnapping. AO3

Simon never slept this well on leave.

Always something happening – Soap breathing too loudly in their fucking bed, nightmares getting too wild even with as many meds as he could possibly take, neighbors behaving as if he wouldn’t be able to bloody shoot ‘em all and get away with it – he never enjoyed sitting at this place without a purpose, as much as he enjoyed not having to buy the whole space for himself. Johnny was really making things stir up a little around here – but it wasn’t enough. Never.

Ghost found himself dumbfounded this exact morning, though – he gave up the space in the bedroom for you and Soap, knowing that the Scotsman has a much smoother way with women, and they don’t want to scare you too much. Poor thing, you’re already terrified of them – this won’t do, they aren’t monsters. A bit forceful, yes, but men in this position don’t exactly have much time for courting – and it's not like you’d agree to relationships with four of them at the exact same time if you really had a choice. Just means they have to take the choice away from you. Hell, he even thought of preparing your breakfast in bed – something that he never thought of doing. You were so good for him, for Soap, so nice and obedient, he almost forgot it was all because of the alcohol – not because you really wanted them so badly. Ghost isn’t a stranger to hookups and dates at random pubs where he could afford to not take his mask off – but it’s the first time he liked a girl so much. The first time he really wanted to just take you and… *** You woke up somewhere around noon. The aftermath of your hangover still lingered in the fog in your head as you were desperately trying to cling to consciousness. You wanted to throw up. You wanted to curl down and cry. You wanted to…

Ah, you’re finally awake. Good for you.

The first thing that you feel is nausea. You already threw up at night, it’s evident by the stale taste of bile in your mouth – but you still feel like turning your stomach upside down and shaking it a little.

The second thing you feel is a heavy hand on your waist. It’s muscly, hairy, covered in scars and burn marks – you don’t think that a man with hands like this would be at your taste for one-night stands. You don’t think you ever had a hookup session with a random person you didn’t even know, but whoever is clinging to your body like you’re a teddy bear has another opinion about acting all lovey-dovey with their playthings for the night. You try to worm your way out of the grasp, but the guy only tightens it.

— Don’t move, lassie. I knew how ye feel.

You seriously doubt that.

— Where am I?

Your voice is raspy, in desperate need of water. You don’t want to beg them for this, so you just bite your lips, hoping your voice doesn’t sound too pathetic. You’d kill for a bottle of water right now.

— In yer home.

— This is not…

— It will be, hen. Dinnae havta worry ‘bout that okay?

Guy – Soap, you remember, heard when the other guy, the second guy, was talking to him. Like you weren’t even fucking there like you didn’t have a say in the situation. You feel a trail of sloppy kisses landing on your neck, and your shoulders – damp skin is sweaty under the touches. You feel sluggish like you usually do on a hungover – like you usually do after a really nice girl's night out.

Soreness between your legs makes you choke on your tears. You don’t want to cry, not in the presence of your captors. Not when all the memories you have is how soft they tried to be. How much did your alcohol-dazed mind like it. The thrill of them knowing all of your special buttons without you ever having to ask – you hate them, you want to hate them, you need to hate them. But you’re thirsty, hungry, your head hurts, you feel like shit, and they still didn’t beat you yet.

The survival instinct comes to life when you hear the door opening.

You struggle out of his grasp – thankfully, the guy is sleepy, he didn’t put up much of a fight. You manage to get out and fall on the fluffy carpet, surprisingly nice for a place where two rough looking bachelors are living. You don’t have enough time to think about the texture of the carpet, as you scramble on your feet and run.

Fuck this, fuck everything, fuck trying to be soft and obedient – they don’t care about showing their faces and names to you, that you can just run to the police. Probably means they are going to kill you right after the cuddling session – and you’d rather be traumatised than dead. You think. Probably. Maybe.

In your struggle, you didn’t even think of thinking that if the door is opening, it means that someone will be standing on the other side – or the apartment is extremely haunted.

It wasn’t extremely haunted. Your cheek is flattened against a broad chest. A pair of hands that smell of tobacco and leather are forcing you into this perverse version of a hug, leaving you without any chance of getting out. All of your attempts at screaming are left with nothing but weird bubbly sounds as you struggle to breathe. You don’t want to panic, but, hell, you feel like you’re going to fucking die.

Price had just seen the most beautiful woman of his life.

With tears running down her cheeks, messy makeup, and even messier hair. She is wearing Soap’s T-shirt, which isn’t ideal, but no one is perfect, and even the prettiest girl out there has her flaws. She is crying and panicking, and she looks so bloody fantastic with her arse showing every time she tries to wiggle her way out of his grasp, and he doesn’t want to behave too brutally, but he wants to see the marks from his fingers grasping her wrists. He knew he saw you yesterday, fucked you yesterday. Held your hair as you were throwing up and forcing yourself to stop fucking vomiting all over the place – but you’re even prettier now, in the dim morning sun. Crying and struggling in his grasp, he can’t wait to share you with others – he knows Kyle would love fucking that tight arse of yours. Price would get a kick out of making you his stupid girl.

And they, well, they will always have a special treatment reserved just for you. Gosh, you’re beautiful. Ghost knows why they had to take you.

— Quiet, luv. Quiet. Calm down. — Let me…fuck you, let me go! You push at his chest, and the only thing he feels is the way his dick starts throbbing in his pants again. Gods, you’re fucking beautiful – much, much prettier than any girl he fucked through his life. So feisty once you’re sober, he knows how much fun you’re having in store for them once you’ve regained at least part of your strengths. — I will fuck you. Later.

— No! — Now, if you insist on yelling so much. He gently forces you closer, his hand slipping to cup your arse. You feel divine in his arms – he doesn’t know how Soap manages to steady himself and not fuck you right in the car. He did make you suck his dick, but it obviously wasn’t enough – and won’t be, with how much you struggle now when the alcohol finally wears off. Ghost gives your ass a little squeeze, then – a few slaps, just to make sure you’re nice and obedient for them. You obviously haven’t worn panties under Johnny’s shirt, easy access doing easy accessing, and so when he finally managed to slip his fingers in your cunt, he was pleased to find out it was soaked. — You’re wet, luv. Can’t get more ready than this.

You whimper in his chest, still terrified. He supposed you should be – he is wearing the mask, not wanting to scare you with his scars and intense gaze. Skull balaclava isn’t doing a good job at making you calmer, but…well, he can try to think about something. Soap had already shown you his face, and it’s not like you’re going anywhere. They would catch you faster than you could run to the local authorities – as much as you would love to think otherwise. Prey aren’t known for their wits, after all. — Pl…please, just let me go. Please? I won’t…

— Won’t tell anyone?

— Yes! Please, I…I need to work. I have a shift in the… — You went to a pub before your shift?

You sob, your little excuses clearly aren’t working. Ghost brushes his rough fingers among your folds, the stimulation on your pussy making you shiver. He knows you’re sore, his dick isn’t exactly tiny – you need some more orgasms to calm down, maybe get you nice and relaxed for them. If he knows his sergeant, he already got a word out to the rest of the team – and although Ghost really, really wants to just take you with them and share you as their little duo, Gaz and Captain deserve to have something nice too. Deserve to have someone nice.

Ghost pulls his fingers out as soon as your whimpers turn into moans. He wants you nice and wet, but he needs you to beg for it. To recognize that the only way you’ll get anything around here is through obedience and behaving like a cute kitten, they decided to scoop from the streets. Not exactly a subtle look, but he can spell it out for you later. Make their shared dumb girl just a bit less dim. Maybe teach you a few manners – you don’t start a conversation with your captors from curses, for example.

— Please. I…I have a family.

Uh-oh.

Tough shit, Ghost thinks.

It would have worked in Private Riley – before he got into captivity himself before he got almost killed. Before he has lost everything he ever loved – and before he found a family in people who have the wondrous ability to enable his worst and best traits at the same fucking time. If you were a bit less weak, a bit more resilient if you didn’t cry as much and reminded him of himself in the past – who knows, you could have pulled at his heartstrings.

But Lieutenant Ryley wants a girl to warm up his bed, and the beds of his comrades – and he knows you would do just perfect. So, he scoops you in his arms, like a disobedient kitten, and puts you in a place where, as he knows, all misery dies and the place where he is crawling every time he falls a bit down.

He pushes you back to Soap’s bed.

You cry even more when two beefy hands force you into a tight hug – Johnny is still half-asleep, and his growly sleepy voice makes your hair stand at ends. You hate them, you despise them, you feel like you’re going to fucking die rather than fall asleep in their embrace again, but Soap kisses your neck and whispers something in your ear – something accented, deep, no doubt dirty. Something that makes you whimper again and again, something that…god, you feel like a slut.

You rub your thighs together, trying to chase the heat away, but you only feel warmer. It never gets easier, you suppose – never gets just palatable enough.

— Simon scared ye, bonnie?

Johnny smiles when you only whimper, your desire to feel the warmth of another person making you fall right into the guy. It’s not something you’re proud of – Jesus Fucking Christ, you just snuggle with your kidnapper – but you need something to just feel…normal. Like hugs after a really good hookup. Like you just found someone to date and to kiss and to be in a proper relationship with.

You whimper instead of answering, and you hear the Scot chuckling again, his grip on you getting tighter. He is like a koala – and you feel pretty…fine in his grasp. You’re too scared to get feisty because you already tried, and it just returns you to point A. The starting dot. The first page of your miserable journey opens with a tight hug and the smell of breakfast cooking. Burning. Cursing through a thick English accent, you could hear something in the kitchen getting absolutely blasted – in a negative sense.

— I’m not scared of you.

He laughs again. You can smell something burning, and you hope that the second guy – the scary guy – will set the entire apartment on fire and kill everyone inside, including you.

— Ye shouldn’t be. We will take care of ye.

— I will run as soon as I can.

— Lt could break your legs. I could break your legs.

You sob again, but Soap doesn’t rush to comfort you. You need to get this through your skull – you’re not resisting them without consequences. You’re not running away without them catching and punishing you. You will not as much as step out of this bed without their permission – even if they’d have to haul you to the bathroom themselves while you’re kicking and screaming. You deserve to get knocked down a peg about the subject of you actually having rights – and you deserve to be calmed down later, once they think you have been punished enough. — I just want to go home.

— Cannae do that, lassie.

— Are you going to kill me?

— Not if yer obedient.

You hear the sound of something hitting a glass bowl. Then – gulps of liquid are poured into the same bowl. The burning have stopped, making you think that whatever the skull guy tried to cook, is getting thrown out of the balcony now – you almost smile trying to picture the burly man in a cute apron, desperately begging for the eggs to stop burning and turning into a crisp. You could cook for yourself, but…well, they probably won’t let you use the knife.

— Are you going to rape me again?

You are pulled into a much closer hug. Johnny’s dick poking at your ass, making you shiver in his hold – making you try to get out as fast as possible and failing miserably. You have suggested that the guy was a part of something illegal – maybe a mafia reinforcer, the dweller of those weird candy shops that were opened throughout the country, but you caught a glimpse of some camouflage in the dresser when Simon was taking off his clothes…they are in the military. Maybe, it’s even worse than you initially thought – no way anyone will believe you over them. No way you will win a fight against them.

— We weren’t raping ye, bonnie, Just…taking what ye really needed.

You came harder under them than you ever did under any of your boyfriends or from your fingers. You feel pathetic because his eyes are innocent and cute, and you don’t want to make them hurt you again. You don’t answer.

— We’ll take care of ye. Just keep yer arse in place and don’t resist, aye?

You can’t do anything but nod. Don’t want to do anything but nodding.

He smiles at your neck again. Kisses you again. Ray of shivers run down your tummy.

Ghost showed up in the bedroom again, holding a bowl of honey cereal. You are hungry – you need something to soak up the alcohol, and you’d want something greasy and terrible, or maybe a soup and tea later – but the cereals are better than whatever was slowly getting burned on the stove.

They could drug you – then again, it feels like you’d prefer being unconscious anyway.

— Price will be there in an hour. Got his call.

The Scot being you, curses under his breath, his hands finally letting you go. You took the bowl and started to eat, as quickly as you could.

A hand slips over your waist, steadying you.

— We’ll make her presentable, aye?

You don’t want to be presentable, but something in their voices are telling that you don’t have a choice.

#cod #cod x reader #yandere cod #yandere ghost #yandere soap #soap x reader #ghost x reader #dark ghost #simon ghost riley #soap #john soap mactavish #soap mw2 #141 x reader #yandere #male yandere #yandere male

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bonny-kookoo · 7 months

Text

Jungkook

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐎𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫: Teaser Drabble 🎃

Jungkook isn't used to doing things like this anymore. But maybe you can help him with that.

Tags/Warnings: Aged up!Jungkook, Younger!Reader, Age Gap (9 years, MC is way above the legal age!!), mature romance, major fluff, some angst, hints at past car accident, suggestive at the end

Length: short

There is no taglist for this fic.

-> Masterlist

A/N: this is a teaser drabble, set in the midst of the story. The exact spot in the timeline will be revealed at a later date.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──💜── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

"Oh thank you- how much do I owe you?" You wonder from the kitchenette you're standing in now after taking the pumpkin he'd bought, while he takes off his shoes, bringing in the other grocery bag he's brought with him to leave on the small plastic table in your kitchen.

He's still wearing is usual work attire, slacks a bit wrinkled from the entire day of wearing them, just like his button up, silver watch heavy on his wrist.

Did he remember to change the batteries in it? You want to ask him, remind him, but wouldn't that be a bit too annoying? Overbearing? You're not sure what exactly you are to him after all. Maybe he'll want to go home right away if you start nagging when he's not even fully entered your small apartment.

So you stay quiet.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." He reassures you as always, hands in his pockets as you turn around to curiously poke your head into the bag, hand digging through the plastic bags of candy. "This is for you too, by the way." He chuckles, watching you take one bag of sour gummy worms out to inspect further. "You mentioned you forgot to buy some."

"Jungkook no, you're spoiling me too much!" You laugh, before you want to cringe. Stop nagging, stop denying his acts of affection- you keep doing it, keep trying to tell him he doesn't have to do it even though you know he knows it himself. He knows way more about life and love than you.

Just let him be, your inner voice scolds you.

"That I do." He simply smiles however as he admits to it, sitting down at the kitchen table, leaning his head on his hand to watch you. He looks tired- you instantly notice things like that, and it worries you sometimes. He mentioned he never had a burnout before, but maybe he just didn't notice because he never sees a doctor for his issues? His headaches are probably still bad.

Just leave him be, your voice scolds you again.

"There's proper groceries in there too, by the way." Jungkook says with his eyes now closed, and you notice that too- beneath all the candy he's bought, there's general groceries as well- and you're a bit embarrassed by it.

You're living your life just fine. It's not as luxurious as his might be, but you've got food in the fridge and a roof over your head, and that's enough for you. But Jungkook has this urge you've come to learn- he feels less lonely when he can share or offer something.

"You know I don't like it when you only eat canned foods and such." He says, before his eyes open-

"Do you wanna go nap?" You wonder, and he simply makes an almost purring noise in denial, furrowing his brows. "I don't want you to go home like that though.." You complain, running your fingers through his hair, over his scalp.

because you're hugging him, or rather his stomach, leaning onto his lap- which is cute, yes, and the position would be arousing under different circumstances- but he instantly helps you up from the cold kitchen floor to sit properly on his thighs this time, head resting in the crook of your neck with a deep sigh, arms wrapped around you.

Your signature scent fills his mind, the warmth of your body begins to seep through the fabrics of clothing separating your skin, and from the way he's holding you he can even faintly hear your pulse beat.

He doesn't care that the plastic chair is uncomfortable as hell.

He melts. He feels like it, at least. You always make him feel like he's weightless.

"Do you want me to stay over?" He wonders softly, tries to flirt, and you giggle.

"But you wanted to carve the pumpkin." He argues softly, eyes open again as he pulls himself together. "Let's do that then." He offers.

"Sure." You shrug. "You're a bit clingy at night, but I'll manage." You tease, earning his hand smacking your butt in return, laughter interrupting the soft moment. You're a lot better at this than he is, and he's reminded of that every time he's with you like this.

Maybe he can ask you to spend Halloween at his house this year? You could decorate, have dinner with Namjoon and the others, give out candy to the neighborhood kids. He's always done that last part, but he's never actually decorated his house with Evelyn. She always complained that it was too much work to do-

And then she'd leave for her party with her friends, every year, leaving him alone with a glass of whiskey and a crappy horror movie running on cable TV.

He doesn't want that. No when he's got you now- someone who doesn't leave him alone.

"We can nap first, and then carve the pumpkin?" You wonder. "Or, if you don't have anything else tomorrow, we can do it then, and just go to bed early today." You shrug.

Jungkook sighs. You shouldn't have to adjust so much to him and his schedule and his lack of energy these days- and most days. You're young, you should have someone to party with, or go on trips and have fun, especially now with the holidays approaching- not go to bed barely after sunset because you're old 'boyfriend' is tired from work. He'll never understand why you do this so willingly.

But, he also wants to be selfish. He's tasted that sense of tranquility you're offering him, and he's hopelessly addicted at this point.

"I don't have any clothes here." He mumbles, sighing as he forces his brain to work again for the moment. "I can come back tomorrow instead, hm?" He wonders, but you look at him unconvinced.

And then he realizes it, in the way your fingers cling to his button up shirt, in the look you give him that's almost one of fear-

"Oh munchkin.." He sighs. "Alright, I'll call a cab then, okay?" He reassures you, remembering your fears when it comes to this whole issue of driving while tired. He still feels bad for it- he'll probably remember your absolutely devastated expression for the rest of his life- and will forever try and make up for the pain he caused you that night. "I won't drive like this, promise."

"Thank you." You say. "I'm sorry-" you start, but he shakes his head.

"None of that. I forgot the impact it had on you, so I should apologize." He tells you. "If we take a thirty-minute nap right now, I'll be up and ready to carve the pumpkin tonight, how does that sound?" He asks, and you nod.

"If that's what you wanna do." You accept, and he leans in to press a kiss right onto your cheek.

"Of course." He chuckles, helping you stand up before he stands as well, moving however to cage you in against the low kitchen counter, face so close to yours he's already got it angled perfectly to catch your lips in his next move. "But I think you'll need to tire me out a little before I can sleep well later."

"You're exhausted, old man, you'll sleep just fine." You giggle, and at that, he grips your hips, gaze having sharpened at the challenge you poke him with, another need now rising inside of him as he watches your fingers undo his tie- his own, larger hands taking over to just pull it off quicker, the dark grey item probably useful later.

"I'll show you an old man, you brat."

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook imagine #jungkook x reader #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook x reader #bts jungkook drabble #jeon jungkook fanfic

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iwaasfairy · 13 days

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Forgot how much I love Atsuko until I saw him again, spent the next hour scrolling his tag and reading about the nasty lil demon

He's so horrible❤️ really is his father's son

YeYEUEYEEYE honestly same I go through periods of withdrawal and then severe addiction sFYDYTSST he iSSS HE IS a nasty lil demon he’s a gross guy just like his dad and we love him for it

quick n very unchecked so sorry if it’s full of typos I just missed himmmm

tw mom x son incest, jealousy, ko being sweet for once gets him privileges

“Hi, Mrs. Oikawa! Looking good!”

“Yo, your mom is young. And hot.” Someone pipes up too loud, making the guys snicker when Atsuko resorts to chucking an empty beer bottle at his head. He dodges just in time, maybe luckily, because the others don’t know he definitely meant for it to hit. All except probably Eiji, who’s brows arch up in a knowing sort of quirk before he takes another few swigs of the alcohol.

“Gotta help unload, don’t wait up,” he says.

And it can only be the smart ass older guy who mumbles back an amused “Take your time.”

Atsuko doesn’t bother to reply further. He might’ve started a fight when he was a bit younger, instead he just jogs up to pick you up into a twirled hug first thing when you get out of the car.

You laugh brightly, and his mouth aches to meet yours. “Oh, hello,” your soft voice chants almost song like, rubbing your hand along his cheek just quickly before already starting to worm out of his grip. Too soon. “Missed you, Ko. You should have seen some of the rooms Tooru set us up into— they were perfect. I’ve never had such a relaxing time in my life.” Your face is coloured from the sun, a few extra light freckles to be seen on your cheeks when you click open the trunk and sigh at the luggage.

He’s quick to dip down and steal a kiss when you’re distracted, before tossing the bags over his shoulders and picking up the slumped luggage. “I got it.”

“Sure?” Your eyes shine, and he tries his best not to be jealous at the idea that you spent two whole weeks celebrating your anniversary with Tooru. Two weeks where his dad no doubt fucked you in every corner of the fancy suite and every semi-private area of the beach. He is though- extremely. “I leave for a few days to come back to my baby all gentlemanly,” you smile softly when he motions his face at the door.

And he clicks his tongue, before pulling the tip of it between his teeth as he trails behind you to get a good look of your ass in the elegant, but skintight skirt you’re wearing. “I’m wooing you, that’s why,” he nods back, grinning wider when you stare back at him.

His hands are on your shoulders as he manipulates you to sit in front of the mirror and look back at the both of you- hanging onto his hand as he stands full, towering height above you. “Atsu,” you start when his one hand moves to your crown, grabbing himself through his boxers while looking at every perfect expression on your face - flushed and needy and distracted, “I just got back, I’m tired. And your dad will be home in an hour, he’s just gone to get groceries- and- agh.”

He doesn’t bother to wait to push his underwear down until his already hard, flushed and heavy cock bobs up between his legs at the sound of your voice. Then his fist wrings around the edge of the head to watch some precum bead at the slit, and he shuffles in to put it up to your face. “Missed you too much. Don't tell me that old geezer tired you out that bad. See what I’ve been dealing with for weeks?” You don’t say anything because you’re too distracted with letting your hand wrap around as he insists, throwing his head back when you let your tongue out to meet his pounding tip. It thumps almost meanly with his heartbeat when your mouth lets him invade into it, slowing to suck around the most sensitive part of him. “Ohh- fuck. Oh fuck, mom. Missed my mom’s fucking- taste so much. Your mouth, ‘n your cunt- fuck me.”

It makes his entire face reddish with hot blood, mind so empty, and his eyes blurry when fucking into your mouth with impatient bucks. It just feels so fucking good when you don’t stop him, let out a soft mewl when sucking your cheeks around his thick length on the way up. “I’m in-,” you smack when you come up, smiling up at him and moaning when his fingers pull into your hair and yank you around, “in a good mood today.” Atsuko’s fucking flushed. Where you’re sitting under him without a complaint in the world, taking his balls into your mouth to make him shudder on his legs and stare down at you with mouth agar, he can barely believe it when you slip off your ring to put it on the grond, then blink up at him. “I like it when you miss me like this. It’s sweet.”

Your naked chest rises and falls in tune with his, where you blink big, loving eyes up at him Like you’re seeing only him. There’s no complaints of Tooru to be heard, and you’re kissing up his thigh in a way that will surely haunt him. “Tell me where you want me? Missed you, baby.”

#tw.incest #💫oc.atsuko #honey mail #🍯honey.pot #tw.dark content

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sentientgolfball · 8 months

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Writing request! Phantom being a soft little attention whore and doing everything to get the flustered GN!Reader's attention? Doesn't need be NSFW, Phantom just wants some cuddle time.

Anon I need to thank you for adding fuel to my Phantom obsession

Also ignore how long this got

Tags: none! Just good old fluff

My request are currently open !

You had gotten to dinner later than normal because of some overflow work you were assigned. Being Sister Imperator’s assistant had its perks, but most of the time it left you with a stack of paper the size of your torso. That’s how you ended up displaced in the dining hall. Where you normally sat with the other Siblings who have been at the Ministry for a decent amount of time was crowded. You couldn’t justify trying to worm your way in. So you took up an open spot with some of the newer Siblings at the end of the hall. You were engrossed in your own world trying to get your brain to stop buzzing for the better part of the meal, only occasionally answering some questions or clearing up misunderstandings that you may have overheard. That was until you heard snickering. You looked up and noticed that the ghouls of The Ghost Project were seated at a table not far from yours. You also noticed that one of them, the quintessence ghoul by the looks of it, was approaching while Dew and Swiss tried and failed to hide their amusement.

The Siblings you were seated with forgot about any conversations that might've been going on when the ghoul came to a stop at the head of the table, his tail wagging rapidly. The mask may have hidden his face, but his mood was clear as day. Everyone at the table looked at him with wide wonder-filled eyes. You just cocked your head at him with a small smile. His tail beat faster if that was even possible.

“I couldn’t help but overhear some of you have never seen ghoul magic before.” He smiled so wide his fangs were peeking out from his lips. Some of the Siblings made small noises in affirmation too wonderstruck to formulate a proper response.

“Well lucky for you I learned a new trick! Do you wanna see it?” All it took was one nodding their head for him to clap his hands together “Great! I’ll need a volunteer though.”

You had never seen people move so quickly in your life. Each one of the Siblings was leaning over one another to get closer to the ghoul in hopes they’d be picked. He just laughed and held up his hands in a passive gesture.

“Alright okay, how about…you!”

The ghoul motions to the Sibling closest to him. He nods his head eagerly and waits for whatever instruction. The ghoul reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder. The air smells like ozone for a brief moment and you can hear a faint static noise as you watch tiny purple sparks dance to life and connect the two. Everyone at the table seems to be holding their breath watching with an intensity you don’t even see during Black Mass. You huff a little amused laugh and eat while you watch the display.

When the ghoul removes his hand the Sibling is staring at him in awe as he beams down at him. There’s a confused murmur through the group and out of instinct you answer their questioning

“Telepathy. Some quint ghouls have that ability.”

It’s almost humorous how casually you talk about demons and magic. It goes quiet for a moment. You look up from your plate to see all of the Siblings and the ghoul staring at you. His mouth was half open and it was only then did you realized you definitely just interrupted him. You panic internally for about a second before you notice his tail never stopped wagging. He made a move to walk over to your spot at the table, but he didn’t get very far before he was yanked backward with a yelp.

“Stop bothering the Siblings and eat your food before it gets cold or else you get leftovers in the den.” You recognized the voice of Cirrus from under the mask.

The moment he was gone, they all began questioning the man who was lucky enough to be chosen. He tried his best to describe it, but it was obvious he was floundering under the attention. You weren’t completely exhausted yet so you decided to throw him a bone and began to explain what you knew of ghoul magic and some of the things you’ve seen it do. However, the entire time you spoke you couldn’t help but notice the little quintessence ghoul hadn’t taken his eyes off you once. Every time he realized you were looking back, he would wave and smile broadly, and every single time Dew and Swiss would tease him. You couldn’t help but laugh at the display, it was pretty cute seeing how excited he got.

After you had finished and decided you had enough conversation for one night, you stood to leave, bidding everyone at the table a nice night. You made it approximately five feet out of the dining hall before you felt a clawed hand on your wrist. You stopped and turned to face none other than the little quintessence ghoul. His purring was filling the otherwise quiet hallway.

You cock your head with a smile not quite reaching your tired eyes.

“Need something…?”

“Phantom.” He grinned.

“Phantom.”

He trilled happily “Say it again.”

You huffed a laugh and took your hand from his grasp “Answer my question first.”

He took his helmet off, shook his hair out, and looked at you with bright eyes, cheeks dusted a deeper purple.

“Can I spend the night with you?” His tail wagged as he waited for your answer.

That was not what you were expecting him to say if you were being honest with yourself. You had been at the Ministry for years now, so random demons offering a night of sin was nothing surprising. What was surprising was just how forward he was. Usually, it took the new ghouls a bit of time to gain that level of confidence and interest in the humans of the Ministry.

When the silence dragged his face flustered deeper.

“That’s not what I meant dear Sibling…I mean well not unless you’re offering.”

You smile amused at the way his voice pitched higher awkwardly, you almost feel bad for your response.

“Not tonight Phantom. I’m exhausted from work.”

“Oh! Well that’s fine we can just—“

“I meant no to both sweetheart.”

The wag of his tail faltered as his purring got softer. You didn’t miss the brief flash of disappointment in his expression before he tried to hide it. He lightly shook his head causing his earrings to jingle.

“Well…can I walk with you to your room?”

You laughed “Sure I don’t see why not.”

“Great!” He immediately grabbed your hand and started walking down the hallway. You gave a light tug on his hand. He looked at you with a little ‘mmrr?’ sound.

“Uh, Phantom…my room is that way.” You pointed to the right with your other hand.

He smiled awkwardly making a noise of affirmation and turned to the direction you pointed to and began walking with your hand still in his. He definitely has not gotten used to his otherworldly strength because he was practically dragging you behind him. Eventually, you gathered your footing and were able to walk side by side. He kept glancing at you as he walked and would startle every time you caught him.

When you arrived at the door to your room you dropped his hand ready to say goodnight. Before you could squeak even one word out he wrapped you in a tight but quick hug. You rolled your eyes with a smile and hugged him back with a pat on his back. When he let go you opened your door and stepped in but not before turning around to him.

“Goodnight Phantom.”

You began to close the door and noticed that he tilted his head to keep looking at you until it was completely closed.

You smiled at the closed door for a moment before going about your before-bed routine. You flopped onto the horde of fluffy pillows and blankets and let the events of the day replay in your head. You let out a sigh feeling content at finally having a moment to yourself. It’s not that you didn’t like sitting with the new Siblings, but it felt more like babysitting or hanging out with a coworker. Then you thought to Phantom. You smiled to yourself. New ghouls were always so much fun, they were always so curious about everything Earth had to offer. It was even better when they finally got used to the company of humans and began seeking interactions. You would be lying if you said you didn’t find his behavior a bit endearing already. You had a feeling this wouldn’t be the last time Phantom followed you back to your room.

Turns out, that came much earlier than you expected. You had woken up a bit before your alarm and decided to just accept your fate and get up and ready for the day. When you opened your door to leave, you immediately tripped over something. The mass in front of your door let out a surprised yelp. You caught yourself before falling. When you turned around you were met with the sight of Phantom slowly sitting up rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“G’moring.” He said with a yawn that ended in a whine.

“Phantom I did you…did you sleep there all night?”

“Yeah, why?” He asked it so casually with a hint of genuine confusion.

You stared at him bug-eyed

“Why? You weren’t kicked out of the ghoul den already were you?”

He cocked his head raising an eyebrow

“Uhh no? I wanted to walk with you to breakfast but then I realized I didn’t know how early you got up and then I realized I usually sleep late. So naturally the solution was to sleep right here.” He emphasized his statement by tapping the floor with his tail causing the piercings to scrape against the stone.

You laughed with a mix of amusement and disbelief “Naturally.”

You held out your hand to him and he took it eagerly. You helped him up and he hugged you again. As you two walked to the dining hall, he wrapped his tail around your wrist. With how early it was there weren’t many people at breakfast which you didn’t mind. It was mostly older Siblings and a few Clergy ghouls. The Siblings gave you knowing looks and you just rolled your eyes in amusement. The only other band ghoul that was present was Cirrus. When she noticed the way Phantom was leaning practically on top of you she came over.

“Bug I think you’re suffocating the dear Sibling.”

You shook your head as he whined “It’s fine Cirrus I don’t mind.” You reached up to scratch behind his pointed ears for emphasis. His tail beat heavily against the bench as a loud purr kicked up in his chest.

“Alright alright but if he does start bothering you, you know where to find me.” She said with amusement.

“I can handle myself” you grinned at her “I know how to handle a ghoul.”

Her tail flicked playfully behind her as she turned to go back to where she had sat.

You finished breakfast rather quickly after that and untangled Phantom’s tail from your arm making him pout. You apologized and gave him a quick explanation of your job as Sister Imperator’s assistant and why you had to go so suddenly. He seemed to accept it despite his dejected look. You ruffled his hair and bid him a good day which caused him to brighten a bit.

~~~

Apparently Phantom didn’t quite accept your explanation. Your task for the day, after finishing the paperwork you didn’t get to yesterday, was to run around the Ministry delivering said paperwork to whomever it applied to. Somehow every corner you turned you bumped into Phantom. At first, he would apologize, give your hand a squeeze, and then walk off to do his own chores, but after he realized you didn’t seem to be getting annoyed with the ‘coincidences’ he simply started to follow you around. He kept his distance for a bit genuinely not wanting to interfere with your job, but every time you turned and caught his eye and didn’t tell him off he would creep closer.

By the end of the day, he was practically your personal escort, walking side by side with you asking you questions just to hear you talk with his tail curled idly around your arm. Little did you know, that soon became your new daily routine. You would wake up to him waiting eagerly outside your door so you could walk to the dining hall together. He would disappear for a bit to speed through his own chores before coming to find you no matter what task Imperator had you up to. When you finished you two would then go to the dining hall for dinner where you’d make faces and hand gestures to each other from the tables while the ghoul pack and your friends respectively tease you both. It didn’t take much longer before he started to sleep over every so often.

As the months crawled on and the first tour date came closer you began to see less of him which made your heart oddly heavy. You tried, and failed, to not think too much about it. You obviously didn’t like him, he was just being friendly. You saw the way he interacted with the other ghouls and some other Siblings or the way he acted when you would sneak a peek at rehearsals. He was just affectionate! He liked attention! But he only walked with you. He only got up early to meet you. He only looked at you doing dinner. He only followed you back to your room. And his purring helped you sleep so much better than any weighted blanket. And the way his tail always betrayed his emotions. And how his eyes always lit up when he spotted you. And maybe your heart skipped a beat when he once confided in you after a rough rehearsal saying that you made him feel grounded.

Aw, shit was all you could think as you felt your cheeks heat and the list of reasons grew. You shook your head slightly to clear it and returned to the task at hand. You had been working on a massive project for Imperator that needed to be finished before the band went on tour. It’s taken up practically all your time, you barely had time to get proper meals in. That also meant you’ve been having less and less time with Phantom. You could tell it was definitely affecting him just as much. The moments you two did get together he was even more clingy, if that was even possible. He also seemed more tired, he still was rather energetic, but he definitely seemed toned down. Your suspicions were confirmed when he got back from a longer-running rehearsal and his quintessence sparked to life without him even noticing. He also took to sleeping in your bed every night now, burying his face deep into the crook of your neck and passing out with his tail wrapped around your waist.

You worked for a few more hours before leaning back in your chair to stretch. Your eye caught the clock on the wall and you cursed. It was well past midnight. Phantom’s rehearsal ended four hours ago. You found a good stopping point and quickly packed everything up and made your way to your room. You were ready to have to spend the night on your own for the first time in almost a month. You were already ragged from working all day and the idea of having your new routine, your only time with Phantom, getting disturbed made you feel even worse. You choked down the burn in your throat as you pushed your bedroom door open.

“There’s my comet.”

You gasped and looked up to see a rather exhausted-looking Phantom sitting happily on your bed. He was already in his pajamas and there were multiple books stacked on your nightstand. He blinked slowly and cracked a wide smile.

You smiled in return and willed yourself not to cry in front of him. However, the way his brows knit together before standing up and walking over to you reminded you. Quintessence ghouls can feel emotions. He crushed you against his chest and kicked up a purr in his chest. You attempted to stutter out a mix of an apology and an explanation, but he just shushed you and practically threw you both backward onto your bed. You didn’t even care you were still in your day clothes, you didn’t want to move now that you were right where you wanted to be. And then you smelled it. The air had suddenly felt electric. The scent of ozone and frost filled the space. You felt a little tingle in your mind before hearing Phantom.

I’m so happy you’re here. I missed you so fucking much. I like you so fucking much.

Your eyes snapped open. Oh. You definitely weren’t meant to hear that, at least not like this. However, your sleep-deprived mind couldn’t care less at the moment.

“Hey.” You shifted your shoulder to get him to lift his head from your neck.

“Huh? What is it?”

You gave him a quick, chaste kiss on his lips before pulling back and kissing his nose.

“I missed you too.”

It took him approximately five seconds to really understand what just happened as you sent him entirely offline. When his brain finally caught up, though, he laughed with so much genuine joy that it made your heart beat a little faster. He pulled you so impossibly close to him and peppered your whole face with kisses before leaving a long kiss on your lips. He nuzzled his face right back into your neck as you scratched between his horns. The silence was periodically broken with Phantom giggling to himself and pressing another kiss to your neck and shoulder. This went on until he ended up falling asleep with a slight smile on his face and a purr deep in his chest.

You curled into his hold and never felt more content in your life. You closed your eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep soothed by his rumble and his weight.

Okay. So maybe you did like him. Just a little bit.

#the band ghost #ghost bc #nameless ghouls #phantom ghoul #phantom x reader #i hope you like it anon <3 #golfball writes

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yorackerman · 1 year

Text

the happinness that we deserve

synopsis: former enemies share a heartfelt conversation as the world around them is ending and make each other one last promise.

tags: love confession, first kiss, slight angst/bitterness, fluff, proposal if you squint

word count: 3.2k

cw: none

The look you exchanged with him as he transformed in front of your very eyes was a sight that had not once left you, it haunted your nights and your daydreams. A look that made you wonder if there was more to it. There had to be more. You wanted there to be more.

But alas, as he escaped with Eren and no remorse, you realized that there wasn’t anything at all and all the years you’d spent with him, building this friendship that probably covered something more, was nothing. All your trust had been built on lies and dirty secrets.

And once again, when you and your comrades had to go after Eren and you got to stand on the armored titan’s shoulder, you promised Reiner a painful death. You promised that you’d kill him with your very hands for daring to play with your heart like that. You knew he could hear all of your words and you hoped they hurt but deep down, you knew very well that they did not.

After all, you were just one of the hundreds of people he had lied to for 5 years, an insignificant worm that stood in his way and he was the armored titan. The man responsible for the death of many, including Eren’s mother. Your words held no meaning and neither did your rage and your sadness.

Yet you bore them within your heart for as long as you could as they were the only thing keeping you alive but like all things, they ended up losing their meaning as well and you almost forgot why you hated him so much in the first place. Maybe you were still naive, but after all… you didn’t get to speak this through with him.

There had to be more to it, right?

Time had passed and anger and hatred left place for bitterness and numbness. Your murderous ideas had long left you, just like he did, 4 years prior. Since then, days had been but a mere copy of one another, making you lose track of time. You couldn’t really believe that it had been 4 years since Reiner betrayed your trust and left you alone in Paradis. But the passing time made itself visible on your face as well as your friends’. As young as you were, the drain and tiredness that you had been bearing since encountering the outside world was visible and painfully obvious.

Still, you couldn’t recall everything that had happened and when exactly your hatred for Reiner started fading away, making it possible for you to stand in front of him without feeling the need to strangle him, just like you were doing right now. Was it when Eren started the rumbling which would most likely lead you and your comrades to death? Or was it before that, when you saw what life outside of the walls was like and when you too were forced to kill innocent people?

You decided to stop pondering as it held no importance anymore. You probably didn’t have much left to live and neither did Reiner. Even if he was to survive the rumbling somehow, his term would end soon. Both of you were screwed and as hateful as you could be, you didn’t wish to die with hatred in your heart.

“You’ve changed.”

You raised our eyebrows at his words, quite surprised that out of all the things he could’ve told you after years of not seeing each other he went with… that. You eyed him from head to toe, observed his features and the passage of time and marks of stress written all over his face as well as the beard that made him look much more grown than when you last saw him. His body had changed too, he was taller and looked stronger.

But what was more noticeable, was the constant pain his eyes bore. He did not look as confident as he did years ago. In fact, he looked sad, in despair even. Like the guilt had finally caught up to him and was eating him alive. His eyes did not shine like they once did, and he did not carry this “know-it-all” aura he did back when he was a soldier.

In front of you stood a different Reiner. Or perhaps was it the real Reiner, the one he always was but concealed for the duration of his mission, who the hell knew at this point? This man whom you swore you knew turned out to be a complete mystery and if he was able to hide that he was the armored titan, he was very much capable of hiding his true personality as well.

“You changed too.” You finally spoke. “You look miserable now.”

“Can’t say that I’m not.”

“Yeah… why did you follow me?”

You shot a quick glance at the small campfire where your friends and enemies sat together while eating Hange’s stew. You had left a bit to take breath alone and gather your thoughts but before you could think anything, the warrior was already behind you. From where you stood, no one could hear, but you could be seen, in fact, you could feel the cart titan’s eyes on you from time to time, or perhaps was it just because its eyes were positioned this way…

When you looked back at Reiner, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. His eyes were glued on you, but they looked as dead as ever. You tilted your head to the side, waiting for his reply which appeared to have brought him back to reality.

“I just wanted to be alone with you, I…” He marked a pause, seeming to question himself. “I missed you.”

“You what?”

“I missed you. I’m glad you’re alive after all this time.” He sighed. “You’re really… as strong as I expected you to be.”

You took a few steps back to lean against a tree, thus hiding your figure from your friends near the campfire. Reiner stood at you side, making himself visible to the other as you looked at the dark ground below your feet, replaying his words in your head. So there was more to it after all. It seemed, that despite the circumstances, he never really regarded you as an enemy… or maybe he did, but just like you, grew out of it.

“Well, I did have for goal to kill you one day. Vengeance pushes people to stay alive, you know.”

“Do you still want to kill me?”

“Heh…” You chuckled and raised your head to lock eyes with him. “Who knows. Perhaps when we’re done with this mission and you’re no longer useful to me I’ll find out.”

Lies.

You knew very well that you didn’t want to kill him anymore. But you had too much pride to admit it to his face. You wanted him to doubt you, fear your next move even if he was much stronger than you and could easily defend himself against you.

You looked at him, hoping to see even the slightest bit of fear on his face, but all you were met with was a smile. You furrowed at the sight, wondering what was wrong with him and if losing his mind was a symptom of his term ending soon, but he spoke again, cutting your questioning short.

“I wouldn’t mind dying to your hands, but I don’t deserve it. It’s too peaceful.”

Perhaps he had lost his mind, yes.

“Who said I was going to make it peaceful?”

“Your presence alone would make it peaceful.”

You chuckled at his words despite not finding the conversation even remotely funny. You couldn’t tell if this was a subtle manipulation technique to stop you from thinking of murdering him or if he was being genuine with his feelings for once. Feeling overwhelmed, your knees buckled under your weight and you ended up sitting in the cold grass, still leaning against the tree.

Reiner took a few steps toward you to position himself in front of you before crouching to be on somewhat equal height.

“If I were you, I’d go back to where I was. No one can see us behind this tree and I wouldn’t want them to think we ran away or got kidnapped.” You spoke.

“It’s okay. If they call us, I’ll say we’re here. I just really want to… see you.”

You sighed, feeling defeated and not having the energy to reply back with something that will create more distance between the two of you. You were tired from today and the days before and… as much as you hated to admit it, you did find some sort of comfort in his presence and his body being so close to you.

It reminded you of simpler times, back when you were cadets, and your biggest worry was to not give Keith a reason to scream at you or find a way to sneak out of the dorms to be with Reiner alone for a few hours just to sacrifice some sleep and speak about anything and everything. You would do anything to go back to these times but alas you knew it was impossible and all you could do was relish in the bittersweet feeling of nostalgia that his mere presence brought to you.

Oh you wished you could hate him the same way you did when you found out his secret. But after everything that happened and the mountain of corpses you stood upon, it was impossible for you to hate him or not understand him to some extent. The thought of that night back in Liberio was enough to make your eyes wet.

You bit the skin of your lip anxiously before looking up to him. He noticed your teary eyes and a worried expression grew on his face.

“Reiner, do you feel the same way as I do?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I think of the people I killed back in Liberio, the civilians, the children… I want to throw up. The guilt eats me alive. To have done this to protect the so called hope of humanity who is about to wipe us all out… it feels like a waste of innocent lives.”

Reiner looked at you with a shocked look on his face and almost instinctively, his hand went to grab yours. The sudden contact made your heart skip a beat as it was the first time in years that you felt his skin against yours. He gently squeezed your hand inside of his own and looked at you in the eyes, a serious look now harboring his face.

“I know how you feel.” Was all that he said.

And this simple sentence once again confirmed the doubts you carried with you all those years. There was more to it. Reiner was the armored titan and killed countless of innocent people but…

“You were just a kid.” You replied.

Back then, you hated Reiner not only because he had betrayed your trust, but also because you did not understand his stance nor ever imagined that you would have to walk in his shoes even once. You never considered that his crimes had been orchestrated by someone else and he had been forced to do all of this. Because killing innocents, no matter the reason, was inhumane and you could never do it.

Until you were forced to not so long ago in Reiner’s homeland. Killing innocents for a “greater cause” was awful until you were the one slaughtering innocents to protect the owner of the founding titan, Paradis’ devil, Eren Yeager. Now you understood, and you felt sorry.

Tears started to form in your eyes as images flashed inside of your head again. You looked away, embarrassed to cry in front of the very man you threatened to kill 5 minutes ago but you felt no judgment coming from him which made you feel thankful. With his thumb, he rubbed small circles at the back of your hand.

“Back when I was a soldier in Paradis,” Reiner spoke, catching your attention. “I sometimes wished I had never met you.”

“Huh…?”

“Because I knew revealing the truth to you would be the most painful part, and I was right. It was.”

You remembered of how your eyes locked as he was transforming, how for a quick second the world ceased to exist as all you could read on his face was…

“I’m sorry.”

Like he’d been reading you mind, Reiner interrupted your thoughts to say exactly what you were thinking.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “If I knew back when I was a kid that going on this mission would make us meet, I would’ve refused. I grew up hearing that the people of your island are devils.” He marked a pause and chuckled. “I seriously wished you were a devil, so that leaving you would have been easier.”

You remained quiet, letting the memories of that day flash in your head again. It had been so long, yet they were as clear as ever. Reiner’s hand timidly moved from your hand to your face that he cupped gently. You glanced up at him, finding his shy expression quite adorable.

“I’ll tell you… you’re the furthest thing I know from a devil.”

A single tear rolled down your cheek and before you could even notice it, Reiner gently wiped it away with his thumb before starting to caress your skin. You leaned into his touch, allowing it to ease you even for just a few seconds. It was almost embarrassing how he could make you forget about the mountain of responsibilities that laid upon your shoulders, just by showing you some love.

“Do you remember when I said I would marry you?” He asked, making you chuckle.

“Vaguely. You seemed pretty serious about it too… too serious for someone who was supposedly joking.”

“Ahah… well I wasn’t joking. Though I knew it would be impossible, I still said it as a promise to myself but disguised it as a joke to you.” He marked a pause. “It’s stupid to think of old promises and have hope in such a situation but…”

“Do you want to marry me, Reiner?” You cut him off.

A long silence installed itself between the two of you, as he slowly stopped caressing the skin of your cheek. You tilted your head to the side to observe his expression. He was completely out of it, his eyes glued to the ground. You almost regretted asking this question but once again, you knew you didn’t have much left and you were more than ready to hear this man’s each and every secret.

Especially those regarding the feelings that he seemed to have hidden from you.

You couldn’t help but let out a sarcastic chuckle escape your lips. You almost felt bad for having such a childish conversation while the world was dying, it seemed Reiner was thinking the same thing and it was probably why he was staying silent. You sighed, giving up on the idea of heartfelt last confessions.

You gently grabbed his hand and removed it from your face before getting up on your feet.

“Sorry, that was a stupid thing to ask.”

“No it’s not that-“ He got up as well, towering over you. “I… I want to marry you!” He almost shouted.

So he did love you.

You looked at him with a shocked expression then glanced away, feeling bad to have sort of forced this out of him.

“Do you think we deserve this happiness?” You asked, looking in the distance.

“I don’t know.”

Your eyes wandered back to him, noticing a slight blush on his cheeks which made you smile fondly. You couldn’t believe this man was the armored titan. Yet he was, in all its glory. You imagined him in a suit of some sort, pronouncing his vows and everything else that a marriage ceremony included. It sure sounded nice.

But Reiner was a titan shifter with less than 5 years left, and colossal titans were destroying the world around you.

“Do we have time to reach this happiness?” You asked again, locking eyes with him, your next answers depending on what he’d say.

He paused for a while, looking for an answer, then he cleared his throat.

“Yes.”

Oh.

You closed your eyes, fully relishing in his reply and taking it as a marriage proposal. As happy as you felt deep within, you couldn’t help but also feel bitter over the wasted time, the wasted years, hating that if it weren’t for this world’s cruel ways and the sins that some pricks committed thousands of years ago, the two of you could’ve been happy.

This was all but unnecessary pain.

“Then make me a promise, Reiner.” You opened your eyes and took a step toward him before grabbing his hand.

“Yes…?”

“Stay alive.” You said, bluntly. “When all of this is over, I’ll marry you.”

Before you could say anything else, Reiner’s big hands grabbed your face before pulling you closer and gently pressing his lips on yours. You felt the corner of your lips form a smile as you responded to his kiss and wrapped your arms around him to pull him closer as his hands moved from your face to your hips.

The kiss was soft and gentle, just like how you’d imagine your first kiss with him to be. Although you could tell from the way his hands firmly squeezed your hips that he wanted to be more passionate, he was eager and desperate for your touch. He needed you so badly.

When you parted, you were out of breath, bearing your eyes into his. You were surprised that he looked as nervous as you did, although he tried very hard to hide it.

“I’ll stay alive.” He finally said. “If you promise me that you will too.”

“Mhm. I’ll try.”

You stayed in this position for a few seconds, just resting in each other’s arms, contemplating what would come next. The both of you were lost in thoughts, relishing in the comforting feeling of being in each other’s arms, knowing very well that it was just temporary comfort.

Soon enough, you heard Jean and Connie shouting your names from the distance which brought you back to reality. You quickly let go of Reiner’s embrace as he took a few steps back to not look suspiciously close if someone was to come now.

You walked back to where you were previously standing and waved at your friends who had thankfully not moved yet. You looked over your shoulder and shot a quick glance at Reiner who stood behind you with his arms now crossed on his chest.

“We should go back before they start asking us too many questions.”

“Right.”

The both of you walked back to where your friends were but before you could reach them, Reiner broke the silence again to speak.

“So… I take it that you don’t want to kill me anymore?”

You glanced at him, almost swearing for a quick second that cadet Reiner had taken control of his body just to speak right now. And when you noticed the little grin on his face you couldn’t help but rolling your eyes, feeling embarrassed when remembering all the emotions you went through in the span of just a few minutes.

“Shut up Braun.” Was all you could reply which earned you a chuckle from Reiner.

#i am sleep deprived #but very in love with reiner so #self indulgence at its finest #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #reiner braun x y/n #reiner x reader #reiner braun #reiner #aot x y/n

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thegnomelord · 1 year

Text

Beastly Urges

Pantalone x reader

MINORS DNI

Word count: 4.3k

CW: nsfw, afab Pantalone, cock and cunt used for the genitals, Dom!Bottom!Pantalone, Sub!Top!Reader, pronouns are gn(referred to as You and Beast sometimes) but reader has two cocks and has monstrous features, size difference, dom/sub, oral, cum eating, size kink, butt plugs, double penetration, anal, vaginal, belly bulging, cream pie, gags, cock slapping, marking, biting, bit of a slow burn?

Go easy on me peeps, this is my first time writing smut. Feel free to give back criticism, tell me if I'm missing any tags, or make requests!

There were plenty of reasons why a fool would think twice before crossing the Tsaritsa, chief amongst them — You; a Beast amongst men, terrifying in both appearance and merciless ferocity, hunting down all who oppose Her with reckless abandon. It doesn't matter how long or how far they run, you are always near, tracking them down to the very borders of Teyvat... or until their legs give out.

And with such renown comes gossip.

From the high society nobility all the way to the brothel whores, they wonder how you must be behind closed doors. Surely, you must be a greedy lover, no less savage in bed as you are on the battlefield. Surely, you must take all your partners can offer and then demand more, fucking your partners into the bed until you are satisfied regardless of their opinion on the matter...

Pantalone would have found such gossip annoying if it wasn't so amusing. He would sometimes even laugh when he heard the newest round of, dare he say, fantasies, the common folk came up with about you and your supposed unlucky partners.

It was a source of pride for him, knowing the true version of you the rest of the world would never see. You were... gentle, soft, nothing but feather light caresses and loving confessions muttered into his skin as you did all he asked.

If anything, you were too gentle. You handled Pantalone like he was made of glass, afraid that the moment you put more than the barest amount of pressure — he would shatter.

Last time, you had accidentally nicked his skin with a razor sharp tooth. Despite his arguments that you hadn't even drawn blood, you hadn't dared to touch him since then.

It's been two months.

And your sweet, little lover was prepared to show you the error of your ways.

You didn't suspect a thing when he greeted you with a sweet kiss the moment you took a step into your home, stealing your ability to think with every peck on the lips. Nor did you think of anything when he lured you to the bedroom with the promise of receiving more of his affection.

How that turned into you literally chained to the bed and naked as the day you were born, you still couldn't tell.

Before you could even argue, he had presented you with a second surprise — a device, something between an open mouth gag and a bit meant for horses (No doubt of Dottore's making). It kept your mouth wide open, displaying all your monstrously sharp teeth in all their grotesque glory.

He gave you a way out if you wanted to, he always did, yet despite the worry bubbling in your chest about the possible harm you could bring him... you were curious.

Slim, manicured fingers curled in your hair and pulled your head even closer. "Right there," Pantalone breathed out, grinding his body down so your tongue could worm deeper into his cunt. His thighs hugged your head like a vice, leaving no place for your teeth to go but dig into his soft flesh. Each tooth left behind dark blue imprints in the skin, but thankfully didn't draw blood, though Pantalone seemed almost disheartened, rocking his body down with a "Don't you dare stop."

Despite the time spent apart, he was as tight as you remembered, if not more, his cunt constricting around your tongue as if intending to snap it off. He didn't care, groaning as his cum pooled in your open maw, nearly choking you when you forgot to swallow. But you couldn't swallow all of it, and more often than not the mixture of his cum and your drool would escape your mouth and roll down your skin to join the wet mess on the sheets.

But Archons, he tasted Divine.

A low moan left your chest as you gulped down his fluids, your head heavy and clouded by pure bliss. You pressed your nose flush with his lightly haired groin, breathing in his scent and curling your tongue in a way you knew he liked.

He let out a high pitched moan and sharply rocked his hips into your tongue, your teeth digging into his skin, a single drop of iron tainting your taste buds—

You jerked your head back on instinct, fearful you had hurt him.

You didn't get far.

Pantalone fisted your hair, forcing your head still. Through bleary eyes, you saw him lean back— "Behave."

A harsh slap landed on the head of your cock.

Your entire body buckled as you nearly threw him off, the low shrieking of metal and the groaning of wood masking the embarrassing sounds that left your throat.

A second later two more slaps came, one on each head of your dual cocks. Pantalone sat up on his knees as he delivered a third slap, your tongue sliding out of him, which you surely would have bitten off had the gag let you. This time, there was no way for you to muffle your sounds, your body straining against the bonds, pleasure and pain burning at the base of your spine.

He wretched your head up, forcing you to meet his disappointed gaze. "You didn't touch me for two months, and now this is how you act?" He asked, a coldness in his eyes many debtors knew too well. "If you break anything, I will throw you out and won't touch you until Rex Lapis comes back to life." Even breathless, his singular threat was enough to make your heart stop. "Am I understood?"

You forced yourself to stay still, nodding your head as much as you could. A warbled "Soh-hrh." was all you could say.

His grip remained harsh, but Pantalone's eyes softened. He leaned down, obsidian black hair falling over his shoulders and around your head like a curtain, isolating you two from the world. "That's my good beast," He cooed, like you were a mongrel mutt, and you would never admit how those words made your chest burn.

He scooped up a streak of fluids from your chin. You could do nothing but watch him bring his wet fingers to your open maw, easily slipping past the hellish device.

Pantalone took great pleasure in feeling up your teeth, poking his thumb on every tooth and gently wiggling a few as if to deny their dangerous potential. Then his fingers found your waiting tongue, he hummed and let you curl your tongue around his fingers, pulling and tugging on it like it was just another toy.

Like you were just another toy.

He pressed his fingers to the back of your tongue. Your maw tried to close, but the gag in your mouth only allowed an inch of movement as you jerked back.

"Ah ah. Stay." He leaned back to sit on his knees and pulled his fingers from your mouth, punishing your body's reaction with another harsh slap to your cock head.

Clenching your eyes shut, you miraculously managed not to move. "Good." His grip relaxed, fingers gently carding through your hair as a reward. "See, that wasn't hard." His fingers returned to your mouth and you let him in.

You whined as Pantalone moved his fingers across the entire length of your tongue, your cheeks burning when you registered the taste of your cum on his skin. He let out a small laugh, letting you lick his and your cum off his fingers.

You watched as he trailed his drool covered fingers down the contours of his stomach, your spit gleaming in the firelight. Those clever fingers traced over his thighs, a groan leaving him as he pressed on the dark bruises left by you teeth before coming to rub his cock.

He let out an unabashed moan, his head lolling back. "You made me feel so good." His fingers slid further down, two of them spreading his lips so you could see a hint of his pulsing tunnel. "But it looks like you don't want to service me any longer." He huffed.

A loud whine tore through your chest, your body moving on its own to get closer to him. Only his sharp gaze kept you from tearing through the flimsy chains.

Pantalone just laughed at you, his voice both melodic and condescending. “What’s this? Has my beast changed their mind?" His fingers didn't stop moving, two of them lazily fingering his twitching hole. "It is such a shame you didn't touch me for so long. I got lonely." Your eyes were glued on his fluttering cunt, drops of his cum dripping on you and burning your skin like hot magma. "Eyes on me when I'm talking to you, Mutt."

Your eyes snapped up to meet his gaze.

“Beg,” He ordered, voice rich like wine.

Oh, what a cruel lover you have. The gag silenced any words you could form, yet you still tried. It resulted in garbled pleas and soft whimpers, you even stuck your tongue out when nothing seemed to work — offering your services like some cheap whore.

He drank in the sounds as they left you, an arrogant smile gracing his features. "You could do better." He smirked, and your heart froze, a pathetic whine leaving you. "But this will do." He said. You laid still as a statue while he moved back over your open maw, his hand finding itself back in your hair. "Make me cum, Darling, and I'll give you a reward."

How could you refuse?

You pressed yourself flush to his groin before he even had a chance to pull you close. Your teeth lightly dug into his skin, his breathy groan sending a shiver down your spine. You licked at his cock, small kitten licks at first to re-familiarize yourself with it, growing bolder as his breathing picked up. You pressed your tongue flat to his cock when he began rocking his hips, the momentum ensuring you could lick his cock from root to tip with the right amount of pressure.

The reaction was instant — Pantalone doubled over you with a groan, his things tensing around your head as fresh drops of cum dripped on your tongue. "Y-yes, just like that." Pantalone groaned, fingers curling into your hair as he rutted against your tongue. "Harder."

You did as he commanded and pressed your tongue harder to his cock, letting him rock against your maw as you tried to gulp down his cum. Then, on one rough thrust, your tongue slipped into his cunt. "Fuck!" Pantalone moaned, not even stopping, riding your tongue like it was a cock.

You could tell he was close when he began babbling, a litany of "Yes- good, Darling - just like that! Harder- Yes!" Spurring your body on to dig and twist your tongue deeper into him, to let him use you however he saw fit, the vibrations of your whimpers only adding to his pleasure.

His fingers clenched in your hair — His orgasm crashed over him, cunt constricting like a vice around your tongue as his thighs hugged your head. You milked him for all he had, doing your best to gulp down his cum, but it was futile as more would just stream down your chin.

Pantalone shivered as he slowly released you, both of you groaning when your tongue slipped out for the last time. Both of you were left breathless as he leaned back to partly sit on your chest, his bruising grip turning soft as he carded his fingers through your hair.

You looked up at him, breathes and bleary eyed. He laughed, soft and gentle. "You look wonderful like this." He cooed, scooping up the cum on your chin to watch you wordlessly clean his fingers. "Such a darling beast, all for me, yes?"

You tried to answer, but the combination of the gag and your tongue curled around his fingers made it impossible.

He giggled, and it was the most angelic thing you had ever heard. "Right you are." His hands shook when he reached for the gag, and you lifted your head to help him remove it. "How is that?" Your cheeks and the corners of your lips ached as you moved your jaw, but thankfully you couldn't taste any blood, only his cum.

Your voice was gone and your tongue didn't want to listen to you, so instead of voicing anything you simply nuzzled your head into the hand gently carding through your hair.

You thought this would be the end of this session.

You found satisfaction in his release, even if you hadn't cum yourself, but it was the norm for you; you were big in more ways than one, and both of you being busy people left little time to properly prepare, and you were fine rubbing one out after Pantalone was satisfied.

Then he spoke. "I would be remiss not to reward such good behavior."

Your eyes snapped open (when had you even closed them?) just in time to see him scoot back. He left a wet trail of cum across your entire torse, but you couldn't mind that when he ended up straddling your lap. He smirked, playfully rubbing his ass against your cocks.

You jumped, a hiss tearing through your chest. The overwhelming sensation of your abused cocks finally getting Pantalone's attention banged on your head like a hammer, yet your hips snapped up in an attempt to get more of that feeling.

"Such a simple, single-minded creature." Pantalone tsked, gently slapping your hip as a command to stay still. "I have a surprise for you."

You perked up, keeping yourself still, your eyes glued on him as he turned around on wobbly legs, putting his perfectly shaped ass on display for you.

And the surprise in it.

Not even his ass cheeks could hide the silvery base of the toy. His ring stretched obscenely around it, red, puffy and fluttering around the base with every breath he took. "Since you ignored me for so long, I had to get creative." He hissed, breathless, looking at you over his shoulder, his onyx black hair cascading over his back. "Do you like it?"

You couldn't say anything as he used one hand to grip the plug, beginning to shallowly thrust the toy into himself. "It was a-hah," He groaned, bucking his hips, his cum leaking down his thighs. "-a pain to get it." It was mesmerizing how his ring fluttered around it, clinging to every artificial vein. "But so worth it."

He braced a hand on your thigh and slowly pulled the plug out, his ass clenching even harder around the toy. It finally plopped out with an obscene sound, his ass clenching around nothing and rapidly destroying what self control you had.

And now you could see that it looked like a replica of your own cock, if a bit smaller.

You didn't know how your brain was functioning.

He laughed when he saw your expression, tossing the toy to next to your head as he turned around to face you. He reached behind himself and palmed your cock. Your hips bucked, and he flicked the head as punishment, a low whine coming out of your throat. "Behave," He reminded, "Only good beasts get their rewards."

Holding still while Pantalone rose to his shaky knees to line you up with his holes was worse than any torture you had ever inflicted or experienced, the sinfully wonderful feeling of his walls clenching around one of your cocks driving you to madness. You clenched your hands shaking as he slid down in one fluid move, skin slapping against skin as you bottomed out in him.

Both of you groaned, a high pitched keen leaving your mouth as his hands found themselves around the second cock, pressed flush between his thighs. "I had a lot of time to practice since you ignored me for so long." He explained with a scoff, rocking his hips down as he played with the head of your second cock. "It's a real shame I couldn't practice with the real thing." He hissed, clenching around you and flicking your head.

"Please!" You gasped, unaware of what you were begging for. Distantly, you could hear the chains groan as they struggled to hold you, but you couldn't force yourself to care when his clever fingers played with your slit and his sinfully tight ass fluttered around your length.

"Begging for mercy now are we?" Pantalone mocked, slowly rising and falling back down. "I shouldn't give you any after the stunt you pulled." His hiss turned into a moan as your hips snapped up just as he was descending. Yet that didn't earn his pity, and he continued to leisurely ride you, as if you were no better than the toy, his cruel hands palming your sensitive head, running his fingers over the shaft just to tightly grip the base when you'd bottom out.

Seconds passed like centuries, you didn't even know when you had started begging, only that you moaned when his fingers left your cock. "You are lucky you're so well behaved." He sighed, "Now stay still."

He rose up, his walls like a vice around your poor cock, until only the head was still inside. He pressed the head of your other cock to his cunt, stretched so wide by your monstrous tongue that the head popped in without any trouble.

But this time he couldn't take you in on the first time, his little body not used to taking in so much. He stopped a little before half way, holes fluttering and clenching around you as if his body didn't know whether it wanted to push you out or draw you in deeper. "Oh, Darling." He moaned, breathless, one hand on your stomach for support, the other hand on his stomach where your cocks bulged his stomach. "So good for me."

He rose up slowly, thighs trembling as he slid back down, drawing in half an inch more with every rise and fall. His hand clawed at your skin, whole body trembling when he finally, finally, sheathed you fully in him.

You had never done this before, mostly out of fear of hurting him, but now...He looked beautiful.

Sweat damp locks clung to his forehead, his eyes half glazed over, lips parted to let out breathy moans. You could feel his hand through the muscle of his stomach, rubbing at your heads as he clenched down on you. Even the bitten and bruised thighs were beautiful, glistening from his cum and your spit, dark blue bruises forming a brand of ownership from when your teeth had dug too deep into his skin. He spread his trembling thighs wide over hips, giving you a perfect view of his throbbing cock standing proud while his cunt clenched like a vice around you.

"Se-haah." Pantalone shivered, a blush spreading from his ears down to his chest as he rubbed you through his stomach. "See how well I fit you?"

You didn't know how he was able to speak when you were leaking your brain through your cocks as precum, pleasure so powerful it was on the cusp of pain burning at the base of your spine and in the pit of your stomach.

He braced both hands on your stomach and rocked his hips down. "Fuck!" You both moaned so loud you were certain half of Teyvat heard you. He began rising and falling back on your shafts achingly slowly, thighs trembling, core muscles tense. "Oh, yes!" He groaned as your hips gently snapped up to meet his downward thrust.

You continued this slow pace until you were at the cusp of madness, fire burning in your veins as you attempted to buck up, only fail when he would rise up so you couldn't get deeper in him. You whined, a tightness in your belly, you needed more of his heat, you needed more of him!

"Wh-hah, what's wrong?" Pantalone mockingly asked, clawing at your stomach as he rode you even slower. "Not sati-fuck- satisfied?"

You nodded, clenching your teeth, the chains groaning louder in your ears.

He peered at you from beneath his lashes, "This -archons why are you big-" He groaned, rising up and stopping there, keeping just the heads of your cocks inside him. "This is how I felt all those two months." He growled as you whined, not budging no matter how much you begged and whined.

"If you don't lik- hah- like it, do something about it." He hugged, gently slapping your stomach as you once again tried to buck up into his tight heat. "Or-" He looked you straight in the eyes, a devious smirk on his lips. "-shall I go back to the toys?"

Snap!

Next thing you knew, you were sat up. Both hands gripping his thighs and forcing him down as you snapped your hips up.

"Yes!" He shouted so all Snezhnaya could hear, clenching around you like a vice.

His thighs shook as you helped him rise and fall while fucking up into him, using him like a toy to your heart's content while he moaned and groaned.

Pantalone let out the sweetest moans, trying to silence them by hiding his head in the crook of your neck as he bounced on top of you, yet it was futile. Moaned order of "Like that, go on, harder, please!" rung in your ears like a mantra as he pressed searing kisses on your skin, winding his arms around your neck to get you even closer to him.

You felt his lips over your pulse point, pressing a kiss there before he bit you — your hips snapped up sharply, all caution flying with the wind.

You snarled, tugging him closer to you with a bruising grip as you fucked up into him, bullying your way into his clenching holes until he was screaming your name between his moans.

His holes clenched around you tightly, destroying any lingering worry when his hips would fight against your grip every time you'd pull out, his body so desperate to have you in him that he couldn't wait the second it would take you to snap your hips into him.

You could tell he was close, silky soft tunnels fluttering around your shafts before gripping them like a vice. You pressed the pad of your finger to his cock, and he let out a broken moan as you fucked him, rubbing his cock every time you lifted him up just so you could hear the fucked out sounds he moaned into your skin.

Itching need gnawed on your brain, the familiar pressure in your belly telling you that you wouldn't last long. "Close," You hissed out, hugging his body close to yours, caging his smaller body in your bulk, safe and sound from the rest of the world in your embrace. "Please."

"Yes yes yes go-" he gasped out, his hands gripping your shoulders, as you rubbed his cock. "Go on, inside! Cum inside!" His walls clenched around you, threatening to snap your cocks off, as with a thunderous shout he came, biting your pulse point again.

Your own release shot through you like lightning, frazzling your brain as you shot your loads, Pantalone letting out a broken moan as you filled him.

Archons, he had missed this. He forgot how much he loved it when you filled him up, your hot release bulging his stomach even more, proclaiming that you were his and no one else's. "Good, so good darling," He moaned, babbling, completely unaware of his words as you both try to catch your breaths.

You tried to pull out, but he stopped you, grumbling something under his breath as his holes clenched around you. "Don't." He mumbled into your neck, hugging you closer to himself.

Resigned, you lied back on the bed, laying Pantalone on your chest. Your fingers ghosted over the black and blue bruises forming all over his pelvis, long scratch marks left by your claws only now starting to clot.

"Quit that, I can see what you're thinking, dear." Pantalone lightly swatting at your chest.

"But-" He cut you off by gently kissing a trail up your throat, not minding the sweat, drool, and his own cum staining your skin.

"Let me remind you that I wanted this." He clenched around you, pleasured pain burning up your spine. You clenched your teeth and hissed, but he just chuckled. "I wanted you to be rough with me."

"You could have asked." You mumbled,

"And you wouldn't have agreed to it." He just rolled his eyes, resting his head on your chest as his fingers traced mindless patterns on your skin.

A heavy sigh left your chest as you apologized for the two months you didn't touch him, it was never in your intentions to ignore him.

"Oh, my darling beast." Pantalone sighed, a sweet smile gracing his features. He reached out to cradle your cheeks, pulling you down into a kiss, not bothered by your sharp teeth. "Such a gentle beast," he sighed against your lips, kissing you once more. "Only for me?"

"Only for you," You agreed, chest light like a feather.

"Good," he leaned back, lifting himself up by bracing his hands on your stomach. Then his eyes narrowed and he swatted your chest. "You're paying to fix the headboard, you brute."

You turned your head - sure enough, you had shattered the ornate headboard the chains had been attached to, the broken cuffs still attached to your wrists... You couldn't find it in yourself to feel too bad about it.

"Later," You said and quickly picked him up as you stood up. He yelped, clinging to you, drops of your cum getting past the plug created by your shafts, leaving a trail as you walked. "Bath?"

He nodded his head, "Sounds lovely." He kissed your neck, mumbling into your skin, "I just imported new conditioner from Sumeru, the merchant said it should do wonders for your hair."

You just smiled; He had taken care of you, now it was your turn to take care of him.

#Centerpieces of the Hoard #pantalone #top reader #genshin impact smut #genshin impact #x reader #sub reader #bottom pantalone #dom genshin x sub reader #dom pantalone #gender neutral pronouns #genshin pantalone #I spent too much time on this #bottom genshin #pantalone x reader #switch pantalone #switch reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin

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teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

lllicit Affairs | Chapter VI: Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have a dark secret that would change everything between you - and neither of you are willing to share.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, Lo'ak x reader, jealous!Neteyam, both main characters thirsting for each other, mentions of lab work, disease, blood, cursing.

Word Count: 7,2k words

A/N: Chapter 6 is the chapter that sets EVERYTHING in motion for what's to come. There is a LOT to come, a lot of drama and angst, maybe some smut (? 😉) and this chapter is meant as a stepping stone to the beginning of the end. Also, realised I forgot to ever mention, that if the dialogue is ever italicised, that usually means the conversation is in Na'vi, I don't know how I have never made it clearer, but here we are.

Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and asking to be tagged, I never expected this to gain any traction and I am so grateful for people enjoying it x

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave you too much but it wasn't enough But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

One second.

“Just one second, Neteyammm!”, you whined, as he was trying to remove the blanket from your currently very comfortable and very warm body.

“It’s late, come on! Early bird catches the worm, isn’t that what you people say?”

“Nobody says that, I don’t know who told you this lie.”

“It was you!!” he says, and he’s laughing at your whinging while trying to remove the blanket. He’s not trying that hard, considering he would make an easy job out of the task if he used a tenth of his actual force, but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress. You had enough of that in your life, and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm.

You scooted on one side of the bed close to the edge, and left a big gap which you brought to his attention by patting it aggressively.

“Press the button on the audio player and lay with me, please? I don’t feel like going out today.”

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would follow you anywhere in this world, do anything you asked of him, regardless how stupid or reckless or crazy it was. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it.

A song he liked came on, one that he’s heard you play before and there was no doubt in his mind that he liked it better when you sang it. He circled the bed and lay in it, next to you, in the dark.

“Thank you, light of my life.” You attached yourself to him, arms sprawled across his bare chest and legs carelessly placed on top of abdomen and hips, and sighed contently. He could feel your warm breaths on his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He turned his head to you and placed a small kiss on top of your head and listened to the soft tune filling up the room.

“Oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am, but you love me anyway.”

I do, Neteyam thought. I really do…

Things happen in life sometimes, and it makes you lose your ability to react. There was no reaction, definitely no overreaction. You stared at the vial of blood that shattered all across the floor, all across you and your mind was blank. Almost robotically, you made your way to one of the benches and got some paper rolls and the IMS laying next to it. You carefully cleaned all of it, and spit whatever made its way to your mouth to the floor to be removed. When you were sure everything was gone, you went to the sink and removed your goggles and gloves, and scrubbed yourself clean. You felt yourself moving, picking up a bucket of water with some floor cleaner, felt yourself adding disinfectant to it and moping thoroughly, but it was like an out-of-body experience. Like you were merely a puppet executing orders from above. Cleaning everything took about an hour, after which you made your way back to your room slowly, deliberately.

You didn’t sleep. You spent the whole night looking over everything you and the rest of the scientists have ever found out about this virus. You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood. You knew it’s not by air, you’ve seen plenty of people infected whose family was fine. So even if you do get infected, the people at the lab should be fine. Your friends would be fine. He would be fine.

Next, incubation period. That’s a tough one, in-vitro studies show it takes the virus anywhere from 2 to 12 months to show symptoms. You don’t know how that changes in humans. You don’t know any of this shit for humans. You could be perfectly fine, you could die within the month. The thought made your blood run cold.

You sat in your chair for the remainder of the night. Unmoving, unthinking.

That’s how Norm found you.

“Hey, Ace. What are you doing up?”

You scrambled for a lie.

“Just woke up, actually. Listen, if you are going to check on the boy, can you please bring my supplies to the tent and tell the Sullys I won’t be in today? I was too exhausted to run any experiments yesterday so I will do it today.”

“Oh… is everything alright? You haven’t missed a day in the village since you got your Avatar.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just worried about the boy and want to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, if possible.”

“Alright, I can bring you back some of his blood to run as well?”

“NO!”

Norm’s eyes widened in shock at your response and you knew you fucked up, you knew you slipped up. Calm yourself…

“It’s just not necessary at the moment since I have other blood and I don’t want to overwhelm him, if it’s not imperative. I will retrieve some blood when I check on him tomorrow.”

Norm looked at you with a concerned look, but eventually relented.

“Ok, whatever you think, Ace.”

“Thanks, Norm.”

“Let me know what you find tonight. I’ll tell Jake, but they might not be happy with you.”

“You can explain it’s an emergency, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

You struggled to get up and get your legs to not want to collapse beneath you. Eventually, you made your way to the sink and washed, you scrubbed your face as hard as you could without removing a layer of skin, and your teeth until you felt the familiar taste of metal coat your teeth. You hoped that maybe you tried hard enough, the last 6 hours can just be erased from your life, from world. You hoped it could undo the damage that would plague you for the rest of your most likely very short life.

Luckily, most scientists seemed to be out. Claire was teaching Na’vi kids English at Grace’s old school that Jake deemed fit to be reopened, Max left with Norm to check on the situation of the village, and most of the Avatars would be out on missions or training with Jake. You made your way to the quiet halls to one of the labs, and prepared for your long day ahead. This will be hard to do by yourself, but not impossible.

First step, respiratory fluids. You remove a sterile cotton swab and swab your pharynx as thoroughly as possible and place it in a tube. That’s easy enough. Next comes the blood. Finding a vein has always been hard for people to do on you, and it’s not gotten any easier in time, so after poking yourself a few times in the wrong place, you manage to get enough blood to run experiments on.

Hours of sample preparation, incubation, pipetting and running went by at an excruciatingly slow pace, like the universe was revelling in making every second of torture last forever. You thanked your lucky stars of the progress made in lab equipment and that you didn’t have to spent days on one PCR, like your mum was saying it had to be done back on Earth about a century ago. Regardless, it took most of the day for you to do everything you needed, check for all the proteins and markers you knew were deregulated with this virus, and by the early hours of night, you were done.

Aș people were starting to return to the hub as another day was nearing its end, you retreated back to your bedroom to work on the data analysis. You did not want to see anyone, did not want to speak to anyone until you knew at least some things. The less you talked, the less lies that had to come out of your mouth, and that seemed ideal to you.

Inputting the data and having to wait on some software to give you your literal death sentence felt so tragic is was almost comical, and you had to stop and ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you. For the first time in so long you couldn’t even remember, things were going… well. You were strong, and doing well, and lived outside of the walls of this lab. You had a chance at something more, you had a chance at maybe one day healing and working through your issues and maybe even coming out the other side a better, healthier version of yourself. You had a chance at love.

And there it was… positive. One second.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE I: DENIAL

Your blood became poison in the span of half a day, but at least you now knew it wasn’t transmitted through air. That means no one else would have to suffer because of you. The thought made you weirdly calm, and you realised you didn’t care about your own health all along. No, you weren’t sad anymore, just relieved. A wide smile appeared on your face at the results, and you jumped out of the chair with enthusiasm at the great news. Everybody would be ok. Norm, Max, they would all be ok. You will handle all the virus experiments and blood samples from now on. They wouldn’t have reason to doubt you or question you, not when it made most sense anyway, since you were always in the village and knew the protocols and techniques the best, anyway. You would go on the same way as you had, and no one had to know or suffer because of your mistakes.

With those thoughts still floating in your mind and a Xanax on your tongue, you made your way to the comfortable bed and crashed without a dream in sight.

You were up before dawn again, and ready to get started on your day at the village. You were looking forward to gun training with Jake, and finally putting those years of practice to good use. You found Norm deep in thought in the link room, and he didn’t register you walking in until you patted his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus, Ace. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I noticed. Why so jumpy, Norm?”

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

“…turning on the linkpod?”

“No one likes a smartass, you know?”

“So how was the village yesterday? How is the boy?”

“He’s alright, still not great, but his vitals are stable for now.” You noticed he did not answer your question about the village, and found slight panic rising in your chest.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen in the village?”

“No, Ace, everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about everything, you know. How did the experiments go yesterday?”

“The virus is not airborne, it seems to be transmitted by blood, so we need to be very careful handling samples.”

“We always are. But good work, good to have some concrete evidence finally. I’ll look over your analysis soon.”

“You know, I’m not quite done with it, so maybe wait and we can look over it together?”

“Sure, that makes sense.”

You didn’t buy Norm’s pathetic attempts at deflecting the subject of the village, but you did not want to fight him so early in the day, so you guess you had to find out what happened for yourself. You woke up in your Avatar body soon enough, and could already tell the village was already awake and buzzing with the perspective of a new day. The guitar sitting on the ground next to your sleeping mat caught your eye, and you smiled softly at the memory which now seems a life away. Your fingers lingered on the chords and you strummed it gently a few times, enjoying the sounds that seemed to settle in your heart. Adjusting your braids in the small mirror you brought with you a few weeks ago, you made your way out of your tent and straight into Neteyam’s chest with a loud thud.

“What the fuck?” You say, indignantly and then look up to find Neteyam watching you with an unreadable expression adorning his beautiful face.

“Hi.” He says, and tries to muster a small smile.

“Hi…? Is there any particular reason you have decided to attack me first thing in the morning?”

“I was just coming to get you, I heard the guitar playing. I didn’t think you would be running straight into me. Are you ready? We can spend the morning tracking a herd of Talioang that the hunter party spotted a few clicks south of the village. It will be good practice for you.”

“…alright? Can I get some food first? I’m famished.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

“I have food that Ma packed for us, we can eat in the forest? I’d really rather get a move on as soon as possible, this will most likely take most of today, anyway.”

“Is there a particular reason you seem so eager for me to leave? You and Norm have both been acting weird today, and you are both terrible liars.”

Neteyam gave you a hard look. “Let’s go, Y/N. Unlike what you like to think, you don’t need to know everything, and not everything concerns you. Let’s go, now.” Nothing’s changed, you realised bitterly. Last night was just a fluke and you hated yourself in that moment for letting your guard down.

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Neteyam.” You said and took off without looking at him.

You ran for about 5 clicks without checking behind you, knowing full well he was following you, your hearing being one of the many senses that heightened in this body. You stopped suddenly at the sight of a huge footprint, one you could identify as the Sturmbeest, or a Talioang, like it was known to the Na’vi. Soon enough, you saw the ground littered with them, and began carefully tracking the beasts.

“Alright. How far would you say they are and which direction?” Neteyam asked, approaching you slowly. He was back to teaching mode, and you tried your best to learn, instead of recoiling and telling him to go to hell, which is what you really wanted to do.

You touched the ground and felt it with your fingers, trying to assess the moisture level and deepness of the mark. You thought about for a while.

“I’d say they’re quite fresh. Maybe this morning? Taloioang move slowly, about 1 click every hour or two, so I’d say we’ll find them about 2 clicks east?”

He didn’t even have to touch the ground to be able to assess it. He was impressive.

“Good. Let’s go. We shouldn’t run, they have good hearing and the wind is blowing east, which means they’ll be able to smell us if we’re not careful. We will take a roundabout way and approach them from the south.”

You both made your way through the forest and it was your turn to follow him, although you stayed close behind and tried to look around you and pick up on clues, tiny sounds and movements, trying to learn, trying to see. “Eyes on the tracks, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Eventually, Neteyam let you deem the appropriate time to stray from the tracks and move south to avoid being spotted. Soon enough, you saw the herd of prodigious beings, bathing in a shallow lake. You made your way slowly, sneaking on the ground, with Neteyam close to you, and you felt his arms grazing your sides every inch of the way.

The herd was protecting the calves, 5 in total, playing and splashing in the clear water. You watched in amazement, just enjoying the view of these seemingly ferocious beasts that in the moment, felt more like a family watching their children play at the local pool. You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty. You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that soon, this could be Pandora, if you didn’t fight will all your being in the upcoming war.

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back, a pressure you quickly identified as Neteyam’s hand and you shuddered at the touch. He neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck, a sudden warmth pooling in your lower abdomen.

“You’re not allowed to kill anything yet, but I want you to show me how you would go about it. Show me your bow work, how would you aim from this position.”

You slowly removed your bow from from your person and sat up, in a now crouched stance, and loaded the arrow, doing your best to accommodate for the uncomfortable position you were in and the tight space you were sharing with another person. You held your breath, engaged your core, and aimed as if you were going to release your arrow on the target about 300m away. Neteyam’s large hand touched your upper thigh, by your left hip and squeezed gently. Your arm dropped suddenly and snapped your head in his direction. He didn’t react to your sudden snap, instead talking lowly, so as to not give your location away. “Your leg is not in a position by which you can maximise release. You will have more power in the shot if you place this knee on the ground and lean into it.”

You wanted to take that hand and either break it or redirect it on other parts of your body that felt like they would explode if they didn’t feel him, have his touch provide the relief that was desperately yearned for, needed. You wanted to scream at him or make him coax the screams out of you like a war-cry, wild and desperate. You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him. You hated him, you loved him. You hated him.

You gave him a hard look, an angry look directed at your thigh, and he removed his hand from you. You wondered if he knew, knew what he was doing, wondered if he felt the same way, if he too was struggling to catch his breath at the torture of knowing he can’t have you, claim you, right now, right in this second, right here. You hoped he did, hope it ate him alive, the yearning and the desire. Because that’s what it was doing to you, what he was doing to you. You turned your attention back to the herd and adjusted your position based on his advice. He was right, you could tell right away, as you felt a lot more power when aiming the arrow this time.

“Much better. We can go now, we will give the location to the hunting party and the will be able to secure us dinner for a couple of weeks from the back of a couple of Ikrans.”

You made your way out of their surroundings, and slowly started walking back to the village. After about half an hour, he stopped on a rock and removed the food he was carrying in a pouch. You didn’t join him, preferring to keep your distance and thus a clear mind, not being able to afford being weak around him anymore.

“I thought you were famished.” He says, with a slight smile. You shook your head and turned around, taking in the views of the forest, distracting yourself with the flowers reaching out their neon green tendrils towards you. You kneeled next to one, and touched them gently, enjoying the way they cupped around your hand and tugged, like they were urging you to come closer so they can spill their long-forgotten dreams to you. You heard him sigh loudly.

“Sorry for being a dick. Just had a fight with mum and dad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I am sorry. Come eat, please? I don’t want you passing out on me, you’re not as easy to carry as you used to be when you were human.”

You remained on your knees still, focused on only the plants and your gentle tug-of-war. You knew how much pressure Neteyam was under, has been for pretty much his entire life. A prodigy created… or made, no one could really know for sure, he began training when most babies learn to walk, and speak, and play. He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle. He never complained, though. Not out loud, not to anyone else but you, once he realised you were a safe haven from the storm. You didn’t pass judgement, or make him feel bad for sharing his feelings, and he felt like he could tell you all the hardest truths his heart has always craved to speak out loud. You have always wanted to protect him from the world, a world that demanded so much of him, that asked for a sacrifice of which it was undeserving. Being Olo’yektan, leading the people, being the one person everyone relied on was a great honour, a great achievement - one you didn’t think he wanted, but was never given the chance to decline.

“What happened?”

You walked slowly towards the rock he was laying on, and sat at its foot, crossing your legs on the slightly damp grass. You grabbed a piece of jerky from the pile of food and slowly chewed through it, humming in appreciation at the smoky taste and rich flavour of the meat.

Neteyam grimaced and didn’t look at you, choosing to focus instead of his arm guards, picking at something that was clearly not there. “More sacrifices I need to make in the name of the future, of the people.”

“I see you still haven’t learnt to say no, even after all this time apart.”

Neteyam’s hand froze in midair, his eyes widening slightly - it was the first time you brought up the year apart. He braced himself for what he thought was the beginning of the end, of you finally demanding answers he didn’t think would ever satisfy you, but no other words left your lips.

“I can’t say no. I owe my parents everything I have, everything I am. This village, this life, is all I know. My dad gave up on everything he knew to stand up for our people, to make sure we’d get a future worth living, a family worth saving, a world still worth fighting for. He became Olo’yektan despite all that stood against him because he loved my mum, loved us, even then, even before we were born. My grandpa died defending this village, watching home tree get decimated in front of his eyes, with only the people’s safety on his mind and tongue. I see that bow that my mum cherishes like a gift from Eywa herself and I want to be worthy of it, someday. And if it means giving up some things, maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.”

“Maybe whatever you’re giving up is making room for something ever better, Neteyam. Sometimes we want something so bad, we can’t see the forest for the trees.”

He looks at you confused for a second.

“That’s a saying. What I’m trying to say is maybe you are over focused on something you want right now, that you think is the best thing for you, but maybe you just are not focusing on the bigger picture. Maybe in the future, whatever you’re giving up now will make room for something that was much better for you all along.”

Disappointment filled his chest at your words. Neteyam looked at you with deep sadness marking his features, and he could see you were trying to think of things to say that could make him feel better. In all honesty, he wanted - needed - you to tell him to be selfish, and trust his gut, and follow what he knew was right in his heart, but he also knew that being selfish is not a trait that came naturally to you. You have always respected the deep bond Neteyam had to his family and his people and you always used to tell him how proud of him you were for how strong he was, for the lengths he was willing to go to to protect and nurture those bonds.

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’yektan, see him become the man everybody knew he was. He would never be yours, and although that painful conclusion had settled in your soul and had time to scar in all the time you knew him, a new wound, deeper, bloodier, deadlier, tore your heart apart at the thought you would not even be able to watch from afar. You would have been satisfied with scraps, just watching him rule, and be, and love someone else and imagining it was you. You never thought you’d get more than that anyway, never had any delusions for more. The scraps would have been enough, and now even those were brutally taken from you, like everything else in this life.

You needed to leave, now.

“Should we head back? It’s getting late.”

You walked back in deep, uncomfortable silence. Eclipse made the nature shine and glimmer with colours your sadness dulled to muted tones. There was light coming from the village and you realise how badly you wanted to be alone, in your tent and read, or watch a movie or a show, and ignore this world for a little while while you licked your newly-opened wounds. Tonight was a communal dinner around the big bonfire in the centre of the village, and you felt grateful your presence would not be missed in such a crowd. You’ve come to love these dinners, another one of the many ways the tribe connected to the village and to each other, but tonight you couldn’t entertain even the thought long enough to count.

“Can you please tell your family I am sorry, but I will probably head to bed early. I’ll be early for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.”

“I can do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nodded absentmindedly and closed the flap of the tent shut.

Neteyam watched as you left him, still reeling from your conversation. Much like you, he just wished to hide in his family’s tent and pretend for a night things are different, that they are better. Actually, if we are talking about wishes, he wishes he could be in your tent. In all honestly, dealing with you on a day to day basis, seeing you, your body, touching it more and longer than he knew he reasonably had to, was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy. In his wildest dreams, he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear. In his wildest dreams, your hands all over him would heal him and break him at the same time. He was desperately in need of some relief, and he loathed all decisions in his life that lead to you not being able to be the one to provide it for him.

He made his way to the bonfire, and greeted all of the Na’vi that respectfully bowed their heads at his arrival. He saw his family at the centre of the crowd, where they normally sat, and joined them silently. They all gave him uneasy looks - all but one. Lo’ak was blatantly glaring at the older Sully, a look of disappointment and disgust marring his normally kind face that reminded Neteyam so much of their dad.

“Did you tell her?”

Kiri elbowed Lo’ak in the abdomen, but he didn’t flinch. He did not even bother to acknowledge Kiri, or the low hiss escaping their mum’s lips - his eyes were still boring into Neteyam, unwavering.

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split second, he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him.

“Oh, the mighty warrior giving out orders, what else is new?”

“Lo’ak, that’s enough.” Neteyam heard Jake intervene, and he eventually had to physically put his body in between his two sons, who still refused to look away from each other.

“Fnawe’tu (coward).”

Neteyam watched his brother turn his back on his family and walk away from the feast, and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep down that Lo’ak was right.

You were almost robotically flipping through the directory of movies and tv shows on the laptop that you had with you in the village, not quite ready to go back to the lab and have to deal with the consequences of your newly acquired “condition”. You had all night to do experiments, and lie to yourself that you were fine until you eventually succumbed to a Xanax-induced blackout. You wanted to be in this body just a little while longer, because, in this body, it was easy to forget the realities of your actual life.

You saw a five-fingered hand emerge from the entrance to your tent, and you laughed incredulously at the clown you loved, who seemed to have a knack for improving your dour mood.

“I am here to bother you.” You got up and started making your way towards the entrance of your tent.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” You say, laughing and pulling Lo’ak by the hand, so he stumbles unattractively into you.

You wrap your arms around him and hug him gently. “Skxawng.”

“I should, but I am here instead. We haven’t had movie night in so long.” He lay on your sleep mat and you hissed for him to move over. “You’re getting way too comfortable hissing at people.”

“Not people, Lo’ak, you!” You smiled saying that, knowing you were quoting Kiri, and he groaned exasperatedly.

A few more weeks passed, and you felt the discrepancy between your bodies become more pronounced than it had ever been. It turns out, the incubation period of a Na’vi virus in a human is not long at all, and roughly around last week, you began displaying symptoms. You were taking every drug under the sun to try to soften them, but you had seen one too many good Na’vi people die due to this to know what was lurking underneath the comfortable cushion of drug-induced health. Despite all that, you felt on top of the world in your avatar. You were continuously improving, and, with a little bit of luck, will be completing your first kill soon - the first stepping stone to becoming Taronyu, hunter. If you do that successfully, you will be taking your Iknimaya with other Na’vi apprentices, and finally get your own Ikran. You were buzzing at the thought, and the image of you flying in the sky was enough to push any other worries out of your mind.

After that weird day that ended with Lo’ak in your tent watching Friends together and teaching him the chords to a song you both loved, things went back to normal, sort of. You couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that the Sullys were hiding something from you. They exchanged looks, and avoided certain subjects, and you were starting to be worried they guessed you were ill, and were tiptoeing around the subject so as to not upset you. That was a good theory, although it could not explain the heavy tension between Neteyam and Lo’ak that also started that night.

You saw them bicker and fight your whole life: two opposing personalities, both of whom had misunderstandings about the other. Neteyam could never understand Lo’ak, understand that, despite being the chieftain’s son and the grandson of the Tsahik and former Olo’yektan, people still looked at him like he was not quite full Na’vi. His eyebrows and five fingers made his appearance uncanny enough to always attract whispers and looks, and despite Lo’ak’s apparent devil-may-care attitude, he cared. Neteyam could also not understand anyone who wished to live freely and discover themselves, make decisions and choices that would lead to a happy, fulfilled life, rather than a proud and accomplished one. Finally, Neteyam did not understand that skill and tenacity doesn’t come easy to everybody, and the weight of living in his shadow was bearing heavily on his baby brother’s back.

On the other hand, Lo’ak never tried to understand the burden Neteyam had to carry, because, in his desire to not appear weak, he took it in strides and never complained. Lo’ak never fully understood the downfalls of what being “the perfect son” brings: no freedom, no childhood, no time, no fun, no choice. He only ever focused on the positives: praise from his family and clan, skill and composure, the title of future Leader of the Omatikaya. He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him, who, despite all their differences, would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never having to experience these burdens.

This tension felt like more. More than you’ve ever seen, not mended in time, they were always glowering at each other and only speaking to each other if prompted or forced by their increasingly frustrated family. You tried to talk to both of them individually and ask, but you were promptly sent on your way each time. You could tell Lo’ak was itching to spit it out, but every time he got close, he flashed you a look of hurt and fear, and moved on.

Eventually, you stopped worrying about it. It will come out in time, and you had better things to worry about. Your training became brutal after that day tracking Sturmbeests. Neteyam would come to your tent before dawn, sometimes having to wait for you while you woke up in your Avatar body, and you were always gone past eclipse. You were tracking, joining hunting parties to learn, working on shooting arrows while on Pa’li or in nearly impossible positions (he made you shoot targets hanging upside down from the branches of trees, seriously) and working on guns and practicing with Jake and his soldiers. Jake made you his second-in-command during these sessions, and you enjoyed having the roles reversed and having to watch Neteyam squirm every time you touched his arm, or waist, or thighs, in order to adjust his shooting form. You also taught Lo’ak, sometimes late in the nights, where he would sneak into your tent and ask you questions about guns that he hoped would bring him in his father’s good graces for once in his life. You loved teaching them, and you felt powerful with all the eyes on you, trying to absorb every piece of information coming out of your mouth.

“In your hands, you are holding a sub machine-gun.” You said and you made your way through the 10 soldiers in your midst. “It can fire up 600 rounds per minute. You have a button on the side of the weapon, as you can see right there”, you stopped and show everyone on your own weapon, “that allows you to choose between semi automatic and fully automatic. What’s the difference, Lo’ak?”

“A semi-automatic guns fires one shot when you pull the trigger, a fully automatic gun fires continuously until you release the trigger.”

“Tsantu (good guy)!” you said with an intimate smile. Lo’ak was making amazing progress, and you were proud to be even a small reason why.

Neteyam gave Lo’ak a hard look as he answered your question. He was angry with his brother because of his recent attitude, he thought. That’s the reason. Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking in your tent at night and doing Eywa-knows-what, a fact which kept Neteyam up nights with images he would do everything in his power to be able to erase from his brain. Neteyam was exhausted. He hasn’t slept since this thing started, not until Lo’ak returned to his tent after his meetings with you, and he was able to look at him in the dim light of the night and gauge for himself if his brother was flushed, or panting, or extra happy for one reason or another. Despite never seeing anything that he could deem suspicious, the images of his baby brother taking for himself what was his, what should be his, haunted him and made him sick to his stomach.

Coward. Lo’ak words rang in his ears incessantly throughout each day, never being able to fully block them out.

Neteyam saw you move from Lo’ak and towards him, and tried to remember what they were talking about. Sub-machine guns, right.

“Now, SMGs are best used in tighter quarters or close to mid-range. The spread will make it inefficient for long-range. If you find yourself on the back of your Ikran shooting at a plane or Valkyrie, make sure you close the gap between you or use your bow, instead.”

“An SMG will have a lot of recoil, making it harder to shoot accurately, but there are a few tips you can use to make to improve your aim and accuracy.”

“First. Always fire in short bursts, if you are firing on automatic mode. A few shots at a time will make sure the kick is not unmanageable. Two, account for the kick and adjust your aim to compensate. Think of shooting an arrow and how you always take the wind, its direction, speed and power in consideration before you actually release. It’s a similar principle. The recoil will make the gun kick upwards, so always aim slightly lower than what you want to hit. Three, don’t aim for the head. Leave that for a bow or an assault/sniper rifle with a scope. Aim for the abdomen and chest, since that is a wider target and more likely to hit. Everyone on the same page?”

Neteyam was forever in awe of you, but it was particularly impressive watching you now. You were confident and powerful and knowledgeable. Neteyam felt bad admitting it, but you were a much better teacher than their dad ever was. Toruk Makto had many incredible qualities, but his patience was definitely not amongst them, and his lessons tend to get a bit derailed by his inability to understand that Na’vi are not predisposed to guns or understanding Sky People technology. You were calm, and kind, and funny, and you made it easy for everyone to follow your instructions. In the span on a few weeks, all of the Na’vi and Avatar soldiers training for the upcoming war became better at pretty much every aspect that they were training in, and I think everyone felt just a bit more comfortable about the conflict that was soon to befall them, with you by their side.

After the lesson was complete, you left alongside Lo’ak, sparing one last look in Neteyam’s direction. He was already watching you, and you saw a fleeting angry look that was quickly replaced with an expressionless mask. He was getting good at that, you thought.

“Do you want to do anything? If I have to listen to Kiri talk about all the new types of flowers and plants and shit she keeps finding in the woods, I will lose my mind.”

“Be nice.”

Kiri has been particularly hyperfixated on her newfound discoveries recently, and you tried your best to pay attention to every time she was describing them, in detail, but in reality you were always so exhausted by the time dinner came around that you were only assimilating about a tenth of all the words coming out of her mouth. You felt bad, and made a mental note to dedicate a couple of days to your friend that you saw less and less each week.

“Your Iknimaya is getting closer and closer each day, how do you feel?”

“Honestly I haven’t thought about it that much, just taking it one day at a time.”

“I think you should start thinking about it, cause it’s going to happen. You’ve managed to blow everyone’s expectations out of the water. It barely been two months since you got your avatar body, not even my dad did this so fast. You were made for this, Angel.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were grateful for Lo’ak’s faith in you, but with everything happening in your human body, it felt pointless looking towards the future.

“You will be one of us, soon. I’ve had dreams about this my whole life, you know? It’s like I manifested your Avatar, Norm should be thanking me.”

“Lo’ak…”

You didn’t like the turn this conversation took, and felt an uncomfortable twinge settle in your chest at his words.

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.”

Fuck.

Neteyam was making his way back to the village with the rest of the soldiers, casually chatting to one of the Avatars returning with them. He wasn’t paying attention to the way until his body knocked into one of the Na’vi walking in front of him. Utsou was staring intently at a scene unfolding in front of him, a scene that turned Neteyam’s blood to shards of glass, leaving cuts and bruises along his entire body. It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek. It was such an intimate interaction, it felt wrong to everyone there to even be able to witness it, and Neteyam felt himself becoming nauseous. With the image now seared into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything - everyone - behind.

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