#also (one last also) I hope they're still friends or friends again or whatever bc seriously guys

[sommerregenjuniluft]

ok i'm back!! lune. lune oh my god your JP vision is everything to me, i can see him so clearly and i LOVE the fleamont/treasure/estate situation

i have additional questions: does he also have a fun name for the estate the way john b calls his house the chateau? who's who in the friend group bc me personally i can absolutely see sirius as jj and remus as pope and lily could be kinda like kiera (mainly in that like,, fiery and independent vibe she has) and i feel like for peter you'd have to kinda play around with some characters but i can totally see them as the pogues.....

and then regulus as sarah.... yeah..... please elaborate on the fucked up mentor/mentee relationship with riddle also please and thank you

miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll<3333 that makes me so happy to hear T^T

hhmmmm i havent thought about it, maybe we can come up with something! i love having little easter eggs that relate to something in canon. idk if hogwarts would be too on the nose HAHSAHA but i mean. it is an old, big house that kinda looks like a castle...... sjfds idk i'd love to brainstorm with u. and yes mil you read my mind. that's what i thought too regarding the friendship roles/gang composition. though i think it's fun to mix the backgrounds/family situations/relations to the treasure around a bit. i'd want lily to be the book smart one, the one with the scholarship opportunity and also i think i'd want her to be the one related to denmark tanny (or whatever the name will be in the au). but i want her to have had the kook year that kiara had, lily alone in the nest of the snakes. and possible give her something close to jj's family situation. or like, an apathetic parent perhaps. remus can have the poor but loving family that pope has, with lyall and hope<3 i dunno what else he has going on besides that for now, possible something disability wise? terminal illness.....the gears r turning. sirius is a mix and match again. in this au both sirius and regulus are orphans, lets say their parents died when they were pretty small, then it was their grandparents and at last alphard but it didnt take long then for regulus to get swooped up by tom (i'll get to that in a minute.) so sirius is living with alphard and he kind of has the relationship with him that kie has with her parents, sorta abusing his position in a relatively wealthy home and using up all of his resources for his family, his friends (here his inner jj swings with as well, he's so boundlessly loyal). now coming to reg. riddle is a big shot kook obviously, filthy rich but from rags to riches type beat like ward. and his thing is that every like 5 to 10 years he adopts kids and like sponsors them sort of? like a sick twisted version of carlyall from twilight. i'd imagine maybe he started out with an ophaned niece and nephew or maybe or distant cousins and then just. kept going because he craved the company and liked playing the role. sometimes it's more but mostly he adopts two at a time, a boy and a girl. cue, barty and regulus as rafe and sarah versions. now what i'm about to say next is a bit fucked up so feel free to dip jdhgks. when they're 14/15 barty and and reg have this weird little pseudo incest thing going on where they're dating sort of. or not directly in a romantic and sexual sense but it's wildly different from regular platonic and familial. and it's all a bit bananas since they have the same father figure yknow. so they live with riddle, they have dorms at his estate. but evan is also sort of in the picture. (kind of filling the spot where the topper character leaves a whole). and evan is,, idk probably in love with both of them. which is, again, twisted and weird and bananas. since theyre. adoptive siblings on paper. skjgjsd anywho! i'm still not sure what to do about wheaze and rose. i considered bellatrix and delphini (that affair child bella had with tom) but i could never make her barty's adoptive mom. she'd just encourage his psycho ass and then the plot would crumble in over my head. at this point i also wanna take whoever is reading this by the cheeks, look u deep in the eyes and remind you of the little rafe x kie (bartylily) crumbs we'd get when exploring the s3 plotline :3 oh! oh!! also dorcas as cleo. hot sexy badass, french/jamaican accent having goddess of a young women that lily pathetically immediately falls for. it's just a big ol' OH moment where lily is like. yo i'm into girls?!?!!!!! i've pondered for a long minute what to do with the pope x kie romance plotline and i think i'd wanna make it a mutual comphet thing. remus is pissed at sirius for rejecting him after they have an almost kiss after dancing around each other for so long and then lily is there so he takes the out.

((lmao tumblr told me i need a paragraph here, i really been yapping too much already))

and sirius can't say shit because he's the one that bailed on remus, so remus lets him suffer (and also punishes himself for advancing on him in the first place). and for lily it's just that it takes her a minute to understand that the reason she can't choose between her boys is not that she's an indecisive slut but that she really does love her boys all the same amount, just not in a romantic way. cue dorcas strutting in with her knife wielding skill and her criminally sexy little belly button piercing and her braids and. yeah,,,,.

i'm also thinking latino james possibly, lily being mixed ghanaian (1) (2) (3), cambodian black siblings, and remus can be the token causasian lmao. barty as well and evan will always be some kind of blasian to me.

okay before i come to an end i wanna talk about trans fem reg for a second though. i've been browsing the net and reading about mtf transitioning a bit to portay regulus accurately and give a good enough representation. in my mind regulus, in this au, noticed that she's different pretty early on. and what with having sirius and it being a very modern, 21 century au, her transition began rather early. medically it's typically recommended to start with testo-blockers around 15 and added estrogen at 16. and that's exactly what regulus does. like always, when taking hormones there's gonna be some side effects, unfortunately. thrombosis risk increases, your libido decreases and you're probably gonna be tired and exhausted a lot and also more emotional and sensitive, have a shorter fuse. regulus does a lot of biking and swimming in her free time against the thrombosis, preferably in their long pool at the riddle estate but when she's feeling good enough about her body she does like to take out the boat with barty and evan and beat them in a swimming race. she's nap queen, she's sleeping everywhere, all the time and when her and james start getting together he calls her sleepyhead all the time and in the most affectionate tone and it sorta just keeps being the main pet name he has for her. also the low libido/possible body dismorphia go very hand in hand with the sarah arc where she's unsure about having sex for the first time. all in all regulus is pretty snappy and thin skinned, emotinal. but it makes her passionate and compassionate especially, which james loves and adores. all of it. yknow how in s2 sarah and john b stay at that hotel and jb steals the phone. i want james to overhear a pair of older-ish women complain about menopause and their pills and then break into their room when they're away for dinner and steal regulus some estrogen pills. it's probably not the right dosage and reg can't take them but!!!!!!!!!!!! it's the thought that counts and to regulus that counts A LOT.

[an-au-blog]

hello again!!

i'm quietly dying to know if u!buggy is present when robin translates the skypeian poneglyph & the note roger asked oden to leave on it. just. an amnesiac clown staring at this giant rock, too busy silently screaming what does it meeeean to hear robin explaining what it means. cracks me up.

(i also love the thought of there being a pattern of older locals recognizing buggy just a moment too late as 'one of the kids from back then'. i love a running gag that doubles as foreshadowing! though crocus would surely recognize buggy on sight, i bet he assumes buggy's being cryptic on purpose when he "pretends" not to know him, and goes along with it.)

i'd misremembered that conversation at shakky's bar as having only a handful of the strawhats present, and so was imagining that buggy had no idea they'd gotten a lead on his past, and rayleigh would only see buggy on the kizaru-kuma-strawhat battlefield for a minute before he gets kuma'd away… on one hand, i still love this idea bc i love pain. otoh that conversation happening with everyone but buggy present feels wrong. and a "don't tell me, i'll find out the truth for myself!" ending to rayleigh and buggy reuniting is so fitting, it's the same argument robin & luffy make to rayleigh in that scene!

i looove the thought of buggy losing track of luffy after marineford. what a situation he's in now!! surrounded by dozens of ex-prisoners who idolize him, maybe two he gets along with, a half-dozen he's terrified of, and shanks. he's heard stories from luffy, but that's luffy! you can't go to him for realism or accuracy!! but... this shanks guy does have a boat... and something about his face is kind of familiar...

how long does it take shanks to realize buggy acting like he doesn't know him isn't an act, i wonder? how many old grudges does shanks halfheartedly apologize for, trying to get buggy to give in and acknowledge him? is one of those apologies the thing that makes something click for buggy? does he freeze up, or immediately snap and shout at shanks bc he's misremembered why buggy was mad at him that time? :3c

xoxo, difan

Hello, Difan!

I thought about that like once when I was thinking about Robin in the u! universe, but then i forgot and never really thought about it again lol. In my mind he comes along somewhere between East Blue and Alabasta, though if anyone wants to adopt this au, I'm fine with whatever interpretation or spin they want to put on it.

Now that you said it, I agree, it would be really fun if the locals recognize him randomly like "yeah, yeah, that was the red-nosed kid! Aw, he was so cute, we gotta live him! Pity he's not with his friend though, hope nothing bad happened to the other one..." And Buggy just going"ifk what you're talking about, you're being weird af" and everyone just assumes the other kid (shanks) died and it's a painful memory so they're all like "Oh, yes of course... our bad... if there's anything we can do to help you tell us, it's been so hard for you, we're so sorry ". Which confuses Buggy even more, but hey, he's getting positive attention, even if it's pity, and he's not going to complain about it.

Buggy meeting Rayleigh in the bar is so dear to me. Idk if it'd be realistic but I feel like he'd be very defensive qt first but then Rayleigh would be "Buggy? Is that you? I barely recognized you, you've grown so much, and become such a strong young man" and then something snaps and he just falls into his arms absolutely sobbing. He doesn't know why, he can't remember him on a conscious level, but they still jave this father/son moment of comfort.

I don't remember if I said this in the last post or if I thought of it now, but him losing Luffy at Marine Ford and clinging to Shanks for protection would be funnier (to me) if he goes by the logic of "Okay, he's scary, the generals are even scared of him, Luffy likes him and he seems fond of Luffy. He looks a bit familiar so idk if he would have some grudge with me if I've wronged him in some way... so I'm just going to use my contact with Luffy as leverage!" So he just starts going "You know Luffy, right? Well I'm in his crew" (which breaks Shanks's heart because... why isn't he in his crew? What did Luffy offer him that Shanks can't?? And why is he jealous of his child protege? Buggy sees he's a little upset by it so he continues "So if- if you're his friend and care for him, you'll take me and my men to safety... and not kill me.......... please."

And he switches from being sad to being so confused like,

Shanks: wdym I'll do it because of Luffy. I'm not helping you because of Luffy,

Buggy absolutely terrified that his one strategy of manipulating his one ticket to freedom has expired:..... wh.. why?

Shanks: I'm gonna help you because we're friends! You're my best friend Buggy!

Buggy: We are? I mean uh, we are.

Shanks assuming he remembers him and being do happy: So you remember me?

Buggy afraid if he says no, Shanks will get mad and leave him: ... yes.

Once in the ship (because the prisoners are so many) everyone sleeps wherever they can. Except for Buggy. Shanks insists on giving him his bed or at least his a place in his room. "We were bunkmates after all" he says but Buggy just smiles and nods hoping he doesn't find out he doesn't actually recognize him. Shanks can feel Buggy is on edge the entire time and he tries asking but Buggy always goes "No, no it's fine, everything's great haha" so he starts testing the waters by asking "hey do you remember *insert thing that never happened* that was so crazy, right?" To which Buggy'll go all "yeaaaah, absolutely haha, very crazy that happened I remember!" And after the third or fourth time Shanks couldn't take it and confronts him about it. Buggy is furious but also devastated because that's it. He's going to kill him now. Maybe even worse. (Keep in mind Buggy has seen how cruel people can be and his time with the straw hats doesn't help him think better of people, because they also keep bumping into horrible people)

He starts scream crying at him, he's already a deadman, what else does he have to lose, might as well let it all out. Meanwhile, Shanks is so confused because he understands absolutely nothing.

[spurgie-cousin]

Hi spurgie. I don't know if you remember me, but I was the anon from 2 years ago who had their first kiss at 25 and subsequently started dating him after. Well, last night he broke up with me, and I just don't know what to do. I feel like it came out of nowhere, but he feels he drifted too far apart from me. This was my first relationship, and it might sound naive but I truly thought it was forever. I know I shouldn't but I feel stupid to think someone could love me for the rest of my life. I still love him so much. What's worse is he was so kind and gentle about it. I wish he wasn't such a great person. I wish I could hate him but I don't. We still wanna be friends, and we share the same friend group, but it's gonna be really hard. I don't want him out of my life but I'm really hurting right now. I know I shouldn't hold onto hope that we might get back together in the future, but right now I can't see myself with anyone else (again, naive, I know). Sorry for the ramble, I just don't know who to turn to, and you've always been so kind.

Aw well first, I'm so sorry ❤️ breakups are always hard but the first one always hurts especially bad. I can't emphasize enough how normal those feelings you've described are though, they're not naive at all. Thinking about past breakups I've been through or sat with others through, it's big grief for a while, combined with that hopeless "I don't ever want to be with anyone else/no one else will ever be as good as them" feeling, combined with fighting the adjustment to someone's role in your life changing, and it can be a rough ride ngl. I know that sounds daunting, but it did help me a little in the moment to know many, many other people have felt exactly how I felt at the time bc when you're in the thick of it, it can feel very lonely and isolating, so I mention it just in case it's also helpful for you to know that.

My best advice for the first couple of days is just to ride it out and feel whatever it is your feeling at the moment, because it is kind of a grieving process and like grieving you need to get the big feelings out to be able to process it. Keeping your mind busy is also really helpful, it's ok to wallow for a while but if you get the chance to do something pleasant, or even just sit with someone instead of being alone, I found that super helpful. My last big breakup I spent a full 2 weeks at my parents house and in my free time I just sat with them (and cried on them lol a LOT) watched movies, played board games, etc. Even just having a conversation on the phone when the feelings start bubbling up again can be very cathartic.

Right now it might feel like you will never feel better, or never find anyone again (or want to), but that's just part of the grief and as impossible as it might sound, that starts to fade faster than you think it will. I know you mentioned you want to stay friends and I don't think that's impossible but it's probably a good idea to avoid seeing them just for the time being, because that can be like picking at a scab on a healing wound y'know? It can be confusing and stressful and hinder the healing process, at least in my experience. Same for communicating.

But yea I promise it gets better ❤️ this relationship not working out does not mean you are impossible to love forever at all, it just means that this wasn't the right person to do it, most of us just need to do some trial and error before we find that person. And tbh I think people who have been through trial and error can ultimately end up in healthier relationships, because experience makes you learn more about yourself/what you are looking for in a person. Be kind to yourself for now ❤️ this too shall pass, it will be ok.

[siriusly-sapphic]

thoughts on nobleflower i need to know i have so much in my brain

Oh oh oh! Yes!

Okay so I'm a little sick and my thoughts about anything Narcissa femslash related are usually already all over the place so? Bear with me while I type this on my phone?

First: let me establish the specific setting. Since I tend to mess about with Narcissa's age a little depending on the ship bc the canon Black family tree is a right mess that I've decided I can do whatever I want with. For alicissa tho, I tend to just go with Narcissa being 4/5 years older than the marauders, and Alice being like a year older than Narcissa.

And as for any Narcissa headcanon I have, I'm writing this with the idea of trans!narcissa in mind, though it works very similarly if you imagine her as cis. If you want more context for how I see trans!narcissa in canon compliant settings, I have a 7K meta post here but it's not necessary for this (I just like linking it).

Also we're going with some canon compliancy here. No happy endings today.

So.

Alicissa is one of those ships that, for me, starts out genuinely cute. Like... dorcissa starts out as denial and rivalry, narlily can end cute but starts messy. Alicissa starts sweet. It starts hopeful.

It starts in an icecream shop.

I'd say it starts the summer before Narcissa's 5th year, which is the time I headcanon she comes out as trans and has begun her transition. Which means 1. She is quite terrified of making 'another' mistake to embarrass her family and 2. The scariest moments of her life have just been blasted over Witch Weekly and the Daily Prophet. She is scared, she's being very brave about it, and she gets mean when she's nervous. (Well. Meaner than usual.)

Alice has a type of girl she loves and that type is brave and mean and a little sassy.

So you know, when Narcissa comes into Florean Fortescue's, ignores all the stares she gets, and gets snappy when Alice teases her about mint-chocolate chip being the worst flavour to order.... what choice does she really have except to fall in love right then and there?

And I think on Narcissa's side, developing any crush on a girl will always come with a bit of angst. Because from the moment she transitions, she has a very clear path in mind of what to do and what to be in order to make her family proud of them again. (I could go into more detail, but honestly for that if you're interested see the meta linked above.) And dating girls... not a part of that plan.

But she wants to.

And Alice makes it easier to be brave.

They're prefects in different years and different houses and they're good at keeping secrets and Narcissa can get Kingsley, the head boy, to move the prefect schedule so that she and Alice have rounds together. (She knows that Kingsley's into Rodolphus Lestrange like no other, and like I said. She can be a little mean.)

And I think that for that first year. The first two years, even, when they’re still at school and life hasn't gotten quite so tainted with war yet? They're happy. And they're cute. And it feels good. Like it can last.

It can't. Obviously.

One headcanon is that Narcissa starts struggling in school bc yknow she's going through some shit, and maybe there's a subject or two she's never been a natural at and is now falling behind in, and it just so happens that Alice is really good at that. So they can meet publicly in the library while Alice tutors her and Narcissa struggles to get over her embarrassment for needing a tutor.

Narcissa has only ever missed one quidditch game (she hates the game, but her best friends are the Lestrange brothers (oh yes that gets painful later) and they play on the team, sonshe has to go). That's the game Alice convinces her to come into the Gryffindor common room while everyone is gone and they make out in front of the fireplace.

They almost get caught. Narcissa avoids her for about a week. They never take that risk again.

And then the war. Alice graduates first, and I see her as being quite determined to make a difference in the war and unsure how to do it. Obviously the Order is a very secret organisation, and she doesn't know about it immediately, so she becomes an auror.

That's also where she meets her future husband Frank Longbottom (bless that man).

Meanwhile Narcissa is a seventh year, her best friends are losing their parents and are drowning in it and she is trying to balance NEWTs and helping the Lestrange twins and the ever important thing of Not Disappointing Her Parents (Again).

I think, however unjustly so, she starts blaming it on Alice for leaving. Which is obviously not actually Alice's fault bc that's just how gradustion works, but it's easier to blame a girl with who it never could've worked out (and maybe shouldn't have worked out as long as it did), than it is to realise that this is just a shitty collection of circumstances. Or worse, to blame her family. She can never blame her family. (She feels she owes her family too much to blame them)

So by the time Narcissa graduates, she's planning an engagement with Rabastan Lestrange that will fall through soon enough and she hasn't told Alice about yet. Alice, at that point, is an auror who's working together with Frank and feels so very betrayed when she does find out about Narcissa's engagement.

It's one of those things that has always been inevitable. But that Alice couldn't help but secretly hope wouldn't happen anyway.

And I think that's where it goes wrong.

Because Alice tells her not to marry Rabastan, around the same time that Rabastan is trying very hard to destroy everything good in his life because grief isn't kind, and Narcissa is the best damn thing to have happened to him. Druella Black ("you should do better than a miserable second son"), Alice Fortescue ("just get away from all of it"), and Rabastan Lestrange ("why are we bothering anyway?") himself, all tell her to break off an engagement that brought her SO much joy when it became reality.

And so Narcissa decides to hate all of them for it.

Except she can’t. Obviously. But she decides she does anyway.

Because Druella is still the mother she wants to be proud of her, and Rabastan is still her best friend who she wants to protect, and Alice is still the first person she ever really fell in love with. She can’t hate them. But she wants to.

But I think that strains alicissa's relationship a lot. Because it shows that Narcissa isn't just mean, she can be cruel and delusional. And it makes it clear that it doesn’t really matter how much Narcissa loves Alice (because she does. She really does.) Because as brave as Narcissa can be, she's a scared young woman who seeks to protect herself. And protecting herself in pureblood society means marrying a suitable pureblood wizard. It doesn’t mean running away with a halfblood witch and hoping life turns out alright.

Narcissa has always protected herself by planning ahead and following her plan. Alice doesn’t fit into that. And Alice isn't the type of woman who will wait around to see if Narcissa's plans change.

So when Narcissa gets engaged to Lucius Malfoy, and her happy and perfect smile is all over the Daily Prophet, Alice accepts Frank's invitation for a date.

And for a while that's that.

There's some looks, because Frank is a Longbottom and while he's on his way to become a traitor, his great aunt was a Black and he still gets invited to notable pureblood events. Not for long, but long enough. There are some strained conversations and longing glances and even, once or twice, guilt-ridden hookups when their respective husbands are out.

Alice feels a whole lot more terrible about that than Narcissa does. She loves Frank. I swear she does.

Alice is a renowned auror and joins the Order and is a genuine danger to any death eater who comes her way. Narcissa is terrified every day that her husband might die at her lover's hands — or god forbid the other way around.

Alice grows to hate Narcissa during that war. Because how dare she attend charity galas to safekeep the victims of a war, when she damn well knows it's her friends and family waging that war. The hypocrisy and the cruelty too much.

Alice likes her women brave and a little mean. Not cowardly and cruel.

They become mothers around the same time. Two months apart. When they’re both pregnant, they see each other occasionally in the same maternity shops and healer waiting rooms. There's a kinship there and this very strong desire for a closer bond, that ultimately can't withstand the hatred and the mistrust that the war and Narcissa's choices have brought upon them.

And then the war is over.

Narcissa and Lucius manage to escape any time in azkaban. Alice and Frank can finally settle and mourn their loved ones. All four of them can look at these beautiful young boys in their arms and hope with all their might that their lives will be easier.

(It’s unclear when the attack on the Longbottoms happened. We know it happened after the war, and we know it happened when people had just begun feeling safe again. We know there was enough time for Crouch sr to start greying by the time the Lestranges were put on trial.)

But that wrecks Narcissa.

I wanna say that Alice and Narcissa stopped actively seeing each other when the war ended. Alice doesn't want to have an affair when she is genuinely happily married and she has a son. Maybe she's trying for a second child.

But Narcissa’s best friends in the world. The family I tend to describe as "what the Potters and James were to Sirius, the Lestranges and Rodolphus were to Narcissa". And her sister. Two of whom knew just how fucking important Alice Fortescue was to Narcissa, once upon a time.

I genuinely don't think Narcissa believed it, when the Lestranges were first accused of that crime. I don't think she wanted to believe them capable of it. And when it turned out to be true.... I have so many thoughts about that connection I could fill another and longer post. But it wrecks her.

Narcissa only visits Alice once.

It's under the guise of "seeing what her sister has done, to put it behind her". Augusta Longbottom is there, in absolute pieces because her only son is gone. Neville is there, Draco's age. Alice doesn't recognise her. Narcissa thinks it might be better that way.

Narcissa just really doesn't belong there. And she doesn't belong there because of her own choices, her own mistakes. And I think that realisation breaks her even further.

Only one of them remembere what they used to be, and Narcissa selfishly wishes that it wasn't her.

Okay and this is getting long so. The rest is just little moments of pain. Draco writing home about how stupid this Longbottom kid is? The absolute guilt of knowing her darling boy is bullying the son of the woman Narcissa loved most? Post war, when maybe Neville is old enough to want to know more about Alice and find out that there aren’t many people alive who remember Alice when she was young. But Narcissa does.

And don't even get me started on the Lestranges escaping Azkaban. That's agony right there. I have no time. But also I have SO many thoughts and all of them heard more than the other so one day I'll inflict them on others.

This became so long I'm sorry lmao, but I hope you like the thoughts. This is why happier fix it AUs exists.

[nardonotes]

16 sep '24

8:18pm

IM SO TIRED!!!!! MY BODY HURTS!!!!!!!! I WANT TO SLEEP BUT I ALSO HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO!!!!!!!!!! (ᴗ_ ᴗ。) but today my alarm woke me up at 7am but i stayed in bed till 7:40... i slept well too and had a crazy dream but i forgot what happened,,, i just rmbr it being crazy (good-ish?) to the point where i wanted to go back to sleep to finish it but ended up just forcing myself out of bed,, fufufuff~ and THEN i went to class :< which is actually a :> cause it was fun! i did some black and white designs for design class and the two hours passed by so fast,, after that i had a 3 hrs break and just walked home, rest for a bit, then went out to town to send my cv to this photo printing shop (fujifilm) for my work experience. they said they dont usually take work experience (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) but it's ok cause i have two other places i can apply for work experience (it's mandatory in my course) i been going to fujifilm for years now, literally since it opened too, they know my name and email off by heart cause i always get my film develop there so i really hope they let me in!!!! it's only till christmas sniff.... BUT ANYWAYS, after i gave them that- i went to buy a sketchbook cause my lecturer said it would be a good idea just to have one where i can draw whatever and i bought one (1) pencil LOL.

then had a 2 hours class right after, but it was chill. nothing too serious and just worked on updating my cv and cover letter :3 after class, I WENT HOME AND ATE :D i dont usually like chicken but THIS CHICKEN WAS REALLY FUCKING GOOD MAN,,, i had it with rice and it was so filling. and while i was washing my dishes, my sisters arrived home and AFTER THEY ate,, we went to the park with my sisters friend and her baby. he's so big now sniff,, i rmbr when he was literally a few months old and tiny af. now he looks about 3 years old but hes only 1 years old. they're leaving to live in amsterdam in a month or two and it's so sad cause i only just got closer to her. it's ok tho cause amsterdam is close enough, and her parents still live here so she'll be in and out i think :)) we got gelato before going home and i got kinder bueno flavoured (THE LAST SCOOP TOO) it was so good. i dont usually eat ice cream out of the blue like that, i usually get a drink instead but since it was just a scoop i had some.

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

what a long ass day fr,, i know im going to sleep good tonight too. i bought Notes of a Crocodile, The Analects of Confucius, and The Temple of the Golden Pavilion on my kobo (ereader). I do plan to buy the physical copies of all three, but not right now and it was just cheaper to buy it on the ereader.. I've read a few chapters of the temple of the golden pavilion before but never continued but my bestiana spoiled the ending and now i want to finish it bc the ending was a good ahh ending (imo). i can't wait to read before i sleep tonight,, reading so fun huhuhhu..... (⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝)

these days, i've been really into my lil tech stuff again and i really want to homebrew a ps vita. i homebrewed my old nintendo 3ds but sold it for a [REDACTED] reason lol. i think a ps vita is cooler anyways. i also been really into micro journalling and coding. btw i cant code but i do like listening to ppl talk about coding and what they've coded. i wish i was smart enough to do allat.. i think i could if i really put my heart to it but right now i'm really liking my course. ill probably talk about it some more in the future but for now, i have written a fucking book and nobody reading allat!!! so im going to do my little me time before bed time and then go to sleep ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

goodnight to me, and my precious bed, and my precious favourite girl in the world and and and- [GUNSHOTS]

[practically-an-x-man]

1, 7, 15, 21, 35, 40 for Rae and Ophelia?

Thank you so much!!

OTP Relationship Asks

1. Who most initiates PDA?

ArchAegis (Rae & Warren): It used to be Rae, but after the whole Apocalypse ordeal, Warren starts being more open with affection in public (partially bc he wants people to see that he's not a weapon like they made him to be, and partially bc the experience showed him how important Rae really is to him)

Arachne (Ophelia & Peter): Peter for sure. Ophelia doesn't mind physical contact when it comes from someone she trusts, but she's still not the best at remembering to initiate physical contact.

7. Who is more sentimental?

ArchAegis: Rae. Warren doesn't enjoy thinking about the past as much, since he tends to focus more on the bad things, but Rae's more the type to see the glimmers of hope throughout and find little moments to appreciate.

Arachne: Ophelia, though she doesn't show it often. She holds onto a lot of memories and moments from her past, and those stay incredibly close to her heart, but it's rare that she shares these with others.

15. Who is more likely to make an impulsive decision and who is the voice of reason?

ArchAegis: They're both impulsive, but Rae is more impulsive by far. If someone's in danger and she thinks she can make even a modicum of difference, all regard for her own personal safety is thrown out the window. It's actually how they met!

Arachne: They're both an even mix, and it really depends on the circumstance. When it comes to a quieter, more practical decision, Ophelia is the type to weigh all the options while Peter doesn't always have the patience to think it through. But out on the battlefield, Ophelia is the first to jump in while Peter usually takes an extra moment to think of a plan.

21. Which of the two is quick to speak and which one is quick to listen?

ArchAegis: Rae definitely has more to say, and Warren loves to hear her talk about her day, her work, anything she found interesting, all of it. She of course loves listening to him speak as well, but he doesn't collect stories about the little moments the way she does.

Arachne: Again, an even mix. They absolutely use each other as the "coder's rubber duck" when they're stuck on a project, and will talk the other one through the whole thing (even if they've heard it a dozen times before) because that sometimes helps unstick the problems. When it comes to personal things though, like just catching up on the day, Peter's the chattier one.

35. What movies do they enjoy watching most?

ArchAegis: I feel like they're the type to just show up at the movie theatre and buy a ticket for whatever's playing without checking the listings ahead of time. I do feel like they'd be more the action-adventure type when it comes to genre - nothing hardcore horror, and no smushy romance, but anything else is pretty much fair game.

Arachne: Ophelia's actually really fond of cheesy comedies or romcoms, since they can entertain her without needing too much brainpower (the last thing she wants after a long day of work is to do more thinking just to understand the movie she's watching). I also think they'd enjoy finding the absolute shittiest movies possible and subjecting each other to them - I used to do this with my best friend in high school, we called them "bad movie dates", and it's the best thing ever.

40. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all?

ArchAegis: Both of them, but there's just something about Rae that just makes Warren smile no matter what. He just feels so comfortable with her, and he's really grateful she's in his life, it's so easy for her to make him smile.

Arachne: Peter's an absolute genius at making Olly smile and laugh. It's like he's on a mission for it, especially since he knows how lonely and depressed she was for a good chunk of her life, so he makes it a point to see her smile as often as he can. It doesn't usually take much :)

[mikomikono]

hi miko! im here with a fic writing question… i was thinking about how to make smut good bc recently i feel like whenever i get to the smut part of the fic im writing i get super bored, like im just rehashing whatever ive been writing in every smut scene ive done for years. you and endles came to mind bc i always find your guys nsfw scenes really compelling, and great, and unique. while also being hot and fun (very important w smut!!) so i wanted to ask if you had any tips for keeping things exciting or fresh when you are tackling those scenes! especially because you guys have experience writing the same characters many times over and manage to be so creative and distinct with every scene ive read from you. so, i guess, penny for your thoughts, if you feel like it! (sorry for sending this only to you and asking for both your opinions, it was the simplest 😭. if u want to answer yourself only thats fine haha)

❤️

Heyyyy oh my god I never expected to become someone ppl would come to for writing advice, what an honour 💖 also, I hope you don't mind me answering publicly, bc I feel like this is something a lit of writers struggle with! I will put it under a cut tho, bc I ended up writing quite a bit oops

So. Smut. It's kinda funny you should ask me about that, bc the first proper sex scene I ever wrote was last year for Steamship Sexcapades (bc I am not counting that one feeble attempt at 19 that was so cringe that I hid it away and didn't even think about trying again for like 8 yrs) but I suppose after writing *checks The Canon word count* a lot since then means something :DD

Here's the thing: I also feel like I'm rehashing things. Constantly. There's only so many ways you can say "cock in hole ➡️ thrust" before you're gonna have to repeat some phrases. And honestly, I feel like I repeat phrases remarkably often! But in a way that's all writing! (or that's how I stop myself from getting too depressed about it lol) The readers don't notice! Usually. And as long as you don't use the exact same wording every single time.

Ok, so here's a few tips on what I, personally, think you need to make a good sex scene:

Don't be afraid of the words. Y'know, the first time I wrote "half-hard cock" I (allegedly) had to take a 10min break and texted a friend that I was not going to be able to do this. But after a while you sort of get used to it and the words that seemed embarrassing stop being that, and become just... Words. And you also shouldn't shy away from more "cringe" words! Sometimes its fun to be a little cringe!

Related, you should try to love the words. But that's just good general writing advice, I feel.

Describe the emotions. Most people feel... something towards those they are intimate with, and that should be true in erotica too. It should be especially true in erotica, I think! Even if it's a one night stand, strangers who met in the club 5mins ago, whatever... You want the characters to feel.

Don't forget the physical. This is a thing that might seem a bit... weird. Like, you're writing sex, how could it not be physical? But what I mean is that you shouldn't forget to describe how it feels to the people involved, most notably your POV character. It's very easy to get lost in describing what they're doing and completely forget to get into the actual feeling. You're not writing a sex manual! And I have read fics where half way through I realise that's what it sounds like.

It's never just about the sex. Even if you think it is, it's not. It's about the connection, the narrative, the characterisation... It's about showing something that you can only show through the kind of vulnerable intimacy that sex scenes provide. Even if it's a oneshot pwp, it still has something to say. Maybe that something is wanting to get your rocks off, but also we're talking about fanfiction... We don't read and write that just to get off. It's always about the characters.

Rehashing is fine, actually. As I said, there's only so many ways to describe certain things, and so many ways you can have sex. Except that's not really true, because the secret to keeping it fresh is mixing it up! You can change positions, you can change who's the top/bottom, you can add foreplay (you should) and then change what kind of foreplay you wanna have! You can look into kinks! You can change locations! (I know we've done that a lot) You can add or remove any number of things to make each individual encounter different! And that's the key: repetition is fine, so long as you don't use the exact same everything every time. Case in point, there is a tumblr post which I would link except I'm on mobile, that is titled sth like "list of vocal sounds for smut", which has a list of, well, sounds/verbs (moan, groan, hiss, whimper, whisper etc) and adjectives that could be paired with them (hoarse, needy, quiet, throaty, desperate, wanton etc). The point is, that the best way to keep from sounding repetitive is to mix and match the words so that even if you say "groan" five times in 5k words, it's a different kind of groan every time. The same applies to sex acts! Do you have any idea how much cock Ryunosuke has sucked during The Canon? A lot. But it doesn't feel repetitive (hopefully) because everything else around it is switched up.

And perhaps most importantly: you gotta be at least a little horny for it yourself. I get it, man, writing smut is weird. You sit in front of your computer, staring at the monitor like "hmm is it better to use the word cock or dick or member?" And like... That's not very sexy. But! But!!! At the end of the day you gotta write something that makes you excited! Otherwise what's the point? Why are you writing if it doesn't fulfill you on some level??

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. If you want more specific help with writing, you can always DM me, I don't mind~

Also, endles says she is too mentally exhausted to properly answer, but she seconds everything I said, especially the point about loving the words. Actually she really wants to say sth about that, so I'm paraphrasing her for the rest of this:

You, as a writer, should love language. You should love the neat little things that language can do and seek out new things to try every time. It's a journey of discovery! Just like sex is always a new journey, even if it's the same characters and the same sex acts, every individual time is a chance to find something new. Let yourself have fun! Write something really stupid and work from that. The way I create scenes by writing jokes, even for serious scenes, because sex at the core is kinda funny. You're standing naked (at least partially) in front of this other naked person and it makes you feel a bit funny.

Also concrete advice: pick a list of 5-10 words you want to use. They can be anything, verbs, nouns, adjectives, as long as you really, really vibe with them, because they make you happy, as long as they're not words you already use a lot. They can also all relate to the same theme if you want! And then find a way to put all those words in.

[memoryoflooping]

i love the characters to bits, and i'm still insane about the thing that happened during the tutorial.

loop 13 - (why did it skip?) i forgot to press the switch. oopsie! YESSSSSS bonnie KILL. guesswork on that last question tbh i wasn't sure if i remembered i'm gonna cryyyyy why does loop not look at everyone? i guess they're supposed to be secret? for the love of god can i just hand this damn star the flower UHHHHHHH SIF JUST KILLED THE FUCK OUTTA THAT SADDNESS HOLY SHIT???? everyone looks so scared… he killed that thing super dead it looped on its own……….. sif????? sif doing that????? TIMELOOP HAUNTED???? WHAT WAS THAT???? GHOST SIFFRIN???/ odile heads or tails wins seem to be consistant, she's winning multiple times in a row another ghost on the second floor????? what????? still wondering what the spreadsheet in the head housemaiden's office is for??? why would she need this… they forgot how to see colors??? uh oh. odile might be on to siffrin. oops ? siffrin just cut himself on glass in front of everyone???? i guess the death conversation explains the ghosts? mira has papers about… people???? basic questions… maybe she wants more friends? star crest saddness smell sugary? siffrin tasted sugar in his throat… king made the saddness… hmmm sif learned a paper move awesome ? guess i should've expected it after the rock one fuck yessssss new sif weapon… knifekey sweep -ok ok thinking on after some sleep, the 3 culprits for causing the timeloop are loop, the king and sif, but i don't have much of any whys for any of them… siffrin actively does not want to be in the loop but the tutorial thing is def implying something, if it was the king it would loop when he died… loop seems the most possible… but i don't know what motive they'd have. maybe they react the way they do to the drawing is bc they know someone will die? looping to prevent someone's death? they said they wanted to be here… but maybe its that they needed to be? -ODILE IS SO ONTO ME, "you look a little out of it"… fuckkkkk "YOU'VE BEEN WEIRD SINCE YESTERDAY" OH GOD SHE KNOWS -the king froze vaugarde because its "perfect"? because it welcomes travlers with no name…. hmmm… siffrin no middle name no last name…. -the king is not doing it… i wonder if the party will comment on it after… since siffrin just said basically it -there's a scent around him…? the sugar…? -its happening again with the head housemaiden… burnt sugar again loop 14 -YES I GET TO DRAG ODILE AROUND YES -house with no flowers has the familytale… -HELP WE'RE ON A WILD GOOSE CHASE. -sif looks like they haven't slept in weeks? do they not actually sleep when it loops. uh oh -this book has been around fucking everywhere i swear -also the change god statue changed i swear to god. was it doing that before and i just didn't play attention -there's no research… -half vaugardian. huh! -ohhhhh, i understand… the split connection to your history…. a culture that should've been mine but isn't… yeah… -loop likes being in the sun -bonding proposals? -WE HAVE ISABEAU AT HOME HELP -awh poor mira feeling pressured to date -siffrin like just don't think about it -awhhh stargazing together -oh wow sif is so smart he's so good at talking about planets and the sun i know it -TRANS ISA WINNNN!!!! -stop being gay. dinnertime biiiitch

-i love all of these guys :-) -i just fucking realized after all of that i forgot to ask about time craft. i'm fucking booboo the fool -whatever i'll explode via tear and go up to the 3rd floor for the area i didn't check out loop 17 - -WOAHHHHH this room is so sick… biggg window. star charts? loop 19 - -ok we are doing this right THIS time!!!!!! -there's a chance the party will remember if sif does? -UH OOPS? I made sif remember something with the coin hoping loop would react -"you'll always forget about the things you love" siffrin are you good buddy???? -ok i'll do isa's event again tomorrow god fucking damn it i can't believe i forgot to ask about time craft in the library

[oh-my-may]

I finally got around to play Cosmo Canyon! Took me a while to get there bc family stuff and i was feeling a bit under the weather some days, but today I'll finish the protorelic quest and then do the side quests and that was it for Cosmo Canyon...

Thoughts on story: RED (or should I say Nanaki?) IS SO CUTE LEGIT A TEENAGE BOY TRYING TO PASS AS AN ADULT MAN the way I was hollering. The city is beautiful and very huge... Felt very overwhelmed when I first got there. Generally loved the focus on Red, had lots of questions about him originally. Now I wonder how old his kind can get if he's like 15 in human years but actually 48... huh. The story with his parents is pretty basic i guess? Didn't really blow me away, i could see the turning point coming from a mile away but it was very sweet nonetheless. Really enjoyed the gameplay during the trial, the Gi enemies WERE SO COOL. Also loved that we could scale walls with Red, I wish we could do that in the open world... The final boss almost kicked my ass because I'm not used to playing Barrett and Red actively, BUT THEY SLAYED. Shoutout to Titan, homeboy always comes through for me. Also couldn't help but be reminded of Genshin's Misty Dungeon event during the trial. And the mines of Moria. My weird interests meet in the most unusual of circumstances sometimes. My brain does that occasionally.

Also, the Gi Nantaak first scared the shit out of me. Then he kinda reminded me of Vision (you know, from Marvel) but that also wore off. The random sequence with Zack almost made me cry again. Whenever I see him on screen something just urges me to. Him and Biggs also looked so damn good during that entire scene I took so many screenshots 😭 I'm still so confused tho... Biggs ended up in Zack's timeline because of the Whispers/ the Wind for whatever reason? Really have no clue where they're going to take this part of the story, I just know it's going to hurt me so bad in the end.

I also let out an audible ' Hear me out' when they showed Seto... I'm not sorry.

On the exploration side of things... The flying chocobos are so confusing to me, I started the chocobo quest right as I landed in Cosmo Canyon and I immediately failed the first part because the controls as you fly are just??? Therefore everything that was placed so that you could only reach it through flying was a bit of a pain at first. I figured it out eventually, but i still haven't continued that quest... Also saw a bunch of people complain about this so at least I'm not the only one struggling lol.

Everything Else was very enjoyable tho. Go to explore team was Cloud, Aerith and Cait Sith this time and I gotta say Cait's Moogle Magic skill is busted I was so surprised when a full ass Ifrit suddenly stood on the field 😭 Bahamut Arisen was a surprisingly quick clear after I got all the Intel, Tifa just died in like the last minute. A worthy sacrifice tho. Immediately tried Bahamut while beating the Jabberwock, huge Dragon Battle was crazy insane to watch. He's busted. Put him on Cait for now.

I haven't finished the protorelic quest yet, but I didn't expect it to have this much lore right from the get go... So you're telling me Wedge is dead in Cloud's timeline???? Just like that?? The whispers killed him? MY BOY. Also Yuffie's friends (?) - the NPC's for that quest - immediately reminded me of Bella's High School friends in Twilight 😭💀 They just look like they belong in these movies idk

Now I wonder if the last two parts of the protorelic quest are gonna be as much a pain in the ass as Fort Condor was... I managed to clear the first two stages quite quickly so I hope it's gonna be okay with the AI helping me for the configuration part...

So that's that! Will definitely finish Cosmo Canyon tonight and then maybe start Chapter 11... Just a few more steps until meeting Vincent. Heard Chapter 11 was quite long so it'll probably take me the whole weekend to finish next to work and all. My goal of finising this game before easter is probably gonna be left unfulfilled... But I'd rather take my time.

Will add screenshots to this post after I get home from work!

[waters-and-the-wilde]

aright we are once again shaking out the braincells like the laundry and the key theme is 'no matter how i felt about him later' these range from fairly benign to ouch with varying levels of plausibility but tldr he can't manipulate manwhore manslaughter his way out of this one it's going to be the power of trust or nothing

- slightly chain yank interpretation: juno gets a minute to process 'oh shit he was there and he didn't come back with us' and just sorta hits a wall bc the sasha-related trauma just got compounded tenfold and the whole fam is having a hard time in their own ways and juno is missing the nureyev-shaped piece of his support system and he backslides into being extremely pissy about it

- realistic interpretation: I mean obv this whole line is on purpose. it's vague enough to make the audience want to brace for something bad but I don't think it's a chain yank so much as a reminder that whatever’s in the journal/in his past is something Juno’s going to have to struggle to reconcile. that’s pretty much been set up since day one, that's the thing they've both been scared of most is the idea that Juno's going to find out something he can't deal with. this whole time it's been 'plot twist it's not as bad as it looks,' 'expect a slaughterhouse, end up with a skincare routine', etc. but maybe this time it is. actually pretty bad.

and/or. it's not bad bad but it's something in the vein of 'it's a relief but also a disappointment'. also now with the context around Diamond there's a certain amount of like. that situation was completely irreconcilable with who Juno is as a person and he was right to walk away. but there's also the bit where he says he likes any story where he ends up the hero. so maybe this time around he's able to look at some similar kind of disappointment but with the eyes of 'okay he's not who I thought he was but this happened bc he's a person who fucked up, not out of weakness or hypocrisy'

- I mean the other part of the long run arc has also been Juno trying to unfuck his moral rigidity so I think ultimately the crux and the interesting part of this puzzle is how the context of Nureyev's past ends up being compatible with Juno's shift in perspective

- okay couple of plot angles: previously speculated whether nureyev's creditors/vague yet menacing tech company are same people who helped ramses disappear. maybe even nureyev's payments funded the theia souls. under duress sure but still that's pretty legitimate grounds for being absolutely pissed in the 'not breaking up with you but the anger's worse because i want to blame you for it but i can't and i don't want to blame you for it but i sort of do' kind of way that doesn't really go anywhere nicely.

- previously speculated that nureyev's powerful friends were in cahoots with dark matters but it probably makes more sense that they're rivals in the same niche, esp given dark matters' trying to corner the market on tech advancements, and why they'd let nureyev off-leash a bit here and there if it's convenient for having a go at dark matters

- also if this last stunt with clean break does a number on sasha's image as director, they might smell blood in the water and try to emerge as the season's Bigger Bad

- somewhat unlikely but while we're covering our bases: how bout nureyev tries to kill sasha. and juno's like 'hey what the fuck did you actually think that was going to help???' death as punishment is definitely not the speed for the narrative but an attempt that backfires could be an interesting/potentially fucked-up angle, esp if nureyev has like. backslid himself, has given up hope on juno taking him back for other i.e. journal-related reasons but is still determined to stop sasha from hunting his family down

- you know how jet was like 'if dark matters wants a monster they're getting one' bc i have Been Thinking about Nureyev going 'i'm not the monster dark matters tried to make but i'm certainly the one they're getting' but i also think that would be extremely cool and sexy of him so that's not real speculation im just gay.

- got a little sidetracked here anyway uhhhh could still be something to the whole 'nureyev's comms was the vehicle for the distress signal that called Dark Matters in WLB so he didn't do it but it was his fault' but i'm not sure how much stock i'm putting into that one, also there might also be a new angle to that with the whole 'Rita's Relaxing Beeps Channel' thing

- Theia'd!Nureyev has some interesting potential but tbh i'm hoping it goes elsewhere bc S2 was like. so well done and I loved that they did that for Juno and Rita, so i think it's better suited for fan exploration rather than having canon re-hash it. i don't think he'd undergo whatever tf they're doing except under duress, but maybe they do anyway just to neutralize the threat he poses and there's got to be some long term deprogramming

- HEY SO what if there's potential for a parallel to Angel of Brahma if something happens where Nureyev's like. forced to choose between a massive toll of other lives and keeping his family alive. i jus.t SHGAGHDAFDSJAFJ. okay because there's also that whole thing with Sasha playing the numbers game and justifying shooting the CMP and Juno. so this time around Nureyev makes the opposite call and is willing to put those other lives on the line and Juno's initially kinda horrified bc it reminds him of diamond/is 180 out from the brahma decision and it puts a dent in that trust that Nureyev's ultimately going to choose to do the right thing

i think the important thing both with Brahma and whatever happened in his past and whatever's happening with this is that ultimately Nureyev's at his best when he's following his heart and probably the skeletons in his closet are from the times when he didn't, but the person he's trying to be is still more than that and that's why this is going to work out in the end. idk this is why i keep yelling about the whole con bono thing bc i love the idea of a nureyev with nothing left to lose and nothing left to hide going 'i know exactly where i keep my heart and now i intend to make it our enemies' problem.' i don't know how it would fit bc it's more of a vibe than anything bc of how the show is very much like. our flaws are our strengths and our strengths are our flaws and being good is a trap and doing the right thing is going to look different every time and sometimes selfishness is the answer when people are trying to yank you around and don't let the person you were this morning dictate the person you are today. and again I think the interesting part of this story isn't 'what did he do' but 'how do they make this work'

okay that's enough thoughts but the last one is that i'm hoping they go for a man in glass parallel where like. they've both spent this season backsliding into their trauma defense mechanisms but their success hinges on being the versions of themselves that they allow each other to be when they're together and bringing those people back out when they find each other again

thank you for coming to watch me sit on the kitchen counter and eat nutella out of the jar at 3am if you've read all this way through i love you

[lunar-years]

Hmmm I agree that Roy and Keeley’s getting back together arc has been pushed back way too far for my taste (and I don’t love how drawn out both of their individual arcs were), but I think there’s still time for them to get back together in a fulfilling way. We have three episodes left- that’s plenty of time for them to have that long awaited heart-to-heart where Roy finally explains why he broke up with her, then time for them to rekindle their friendship, and eventually tentatively start things up again. There probably isn’t time left for them to work their way back to exactly where they were before, but I could totally see them agreeing to try again in the finale. And since it’s probably the last season, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a flash forward a few years later and they’re engaged or smth.

I’ll be honest, I haven’t cared much for Keeley’s arc this season either. I don’t care about the KJPR storyline – it’s boring since its all new characters, and Keeley doesn’t seem like she knows or cares about what she’s doing. It feels like they’re aiming for an arc where Keeley realizes that progress isn’t always about moving forward. It’s obvious that she does not fit into the corporate world, nor does she want to, and that she’d be much happier coming back to Richmond. And I bet that’s how Roy will tie into it: just bc you can move on, doesn’t mean it’ll make you happier. And I do really feel that the best ending for Roy’s arc about learning to let himself be happy is by actually letting himself be happy with Keeley again. Anyway I have faith that the writers love Roy and Keeley as much as the fans do, and that whatever way they decide to end will be the perfect ending.

Ohh I really love your take on Keeley's arc and what they're trying to show with it and I really hope you're right. Even if it's not solely coming back to Richmond, but coming back while continuing to take on a couple additional clients freelance, or branching off with Barb to start something smaller, just generally taking it slow instead of leaping in to being CEO of a whole PR firm like she's done this season. Building her confidence surrounded by people who love and support her and whom she actually has time to see because she's no longer making work her entire life.

Roy's arc I think has been building up to him allowing happiness into his life in more ways than just Keeley. I think it will be a number of things for him: finally having a reckoning with her over the breakup, but also gathering up with the Diamond Dogs as an actual member, admitting he cares about Jamie Tartt, taking on a larger role as coach (perhaps by doing more of the pressers, we saw how good he was at it tonight, especially if Ted goes back to Kansas)... going to therapy (**hoping, kicking, screeching, praying**)....

You may yet be right about Roy/Keeley! Before the season began, I had zero doubts in my mind they were endgame. Also, I forget sometimes that between a lot of these episodes, we're meant to believe like...actual months have gone by, so it's more spread out than I'm thinking it is. However, it's also that the show has a lot they need to wrap up in three episodes if this is the end of the end, & Roy and Keeley are only one part of it.

I think, ultimately, I care way more about their individual arcs ending well in a way that is both satisfying and sensical than I do about them getting back together in the canon timeline. I absolutely do need them to end on good terms though, preferably at least as close friends.

What I want more than anything and still believe is in the realm of possibility is for them + Jamie to sit down and admit they are all caught up in each other irreversibly at this point and won't be shaken away easily. That they care deeply about one another and will most likely care forever (terms & conditions undefined).

[bluberimufim]

15, 19 and 23 for the writer's asks!

Heyyyy thank you so much for the ask!!!

15. Is there any scene you were/are scared of writing?

Honestly, there's a few things in "Devourer of Souls" I'm anxious about, especially in book 2, but I've learned to just deal with them as I go. The magic of the first draft and whatever.

But in "Black and White", there were a few scenes I was genuinely reluctant to write in the 2nd draft bc I was scared. Like, Diedrich and Darius have three different confrontation scenes at different points in the story and they were all scarier than the last. And the murder mystery arc was also pretty nerve-wracking.

I'm also terrified of writing most of the dystopia WIP, so there's that.

19. Which OC do you relate to the most?

Johann from B&W is literally a self-insert (kinda?). His arc kinda reflects the way I struggle with my difficulties with college. Except instead of college, it's marriage.

My self-insert is a german stage director in his fifties. Idk what that says about me.

23. Tell me about your newest WIP idea. Even if you haven't written it yet. Even if it will die in a matter of days.

I've actually been pondering on whether to post about this or not, but figured it's an extremely niche thing only I would enjoy reading.

This needs context. I'm a classical singer (like, opera singer) and, for my final year in the conservatory, I had to write a big essay about anything I wanted as long as it related to singing. I wanted to do a huge thing that I'm genuinely still interested in, which idk if I'll ever talk about it again, but I ended up doing it on the transition from Baroque to Classical opera because it's a fascinating part of music history. During this research, I became extremely interested in castrati and women's part in vocal music, because women were fully forbidden from singing in church and couldn't participate in theatrical productions.

BEFORE WE CONTINUE CONSIDER THIS A TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF MUTILATION IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE CASTRATI ARE

So, the castrati (italian for "castrated", male plural) were the most well-liked type of singers, which consisted of men who'd been castrated at around ages 7 to 9 to produce voices high and pure like that of a child but with the lung capacity, technique, and vocal projection of an adult. They were in such high demand that they became known as the "original divas" in the opera world. I could rant about them for days because they genuinely fascinate me, but I have asks to answer.

THIS CONCLUDES THE TRIGGER WARNING THANK YOU

So, after all that. My WIP idea was a comedy about a woman (or at least AFAB person, because I wanted to include some gender-questioning) pretending to be a castrato in order to have a singing career. And no one ever catches on because no one knows what women sound like when they sing opera, so they just think her voice has a nice and unique sound. Her name is Chiara and she's lavender-married to an actual castrato named Francesco and they're best friends. Everyone thinks Francesco and Chiara's male alter ego (aka her singer persona) are having an affair bc they have such great chemistry on stage (they pretend to be married every day, so they have a lot of practice) and Chiara's "male alter ego" hangs out at Francesco's house a lot when his wife isn't home (she lives there and they're practising for the upcoming opera together).

I also had ideas for other scenes, but this is the general idea of it. But I think it's something with a target audience of exactly one person (aka me), so idk if I'll ever get around to it.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant on that last one. And the trigger warning. I hope you enjoyed!!

[meetmeatthecoda]

Somehow, even though I haven't watched in years - and am 0% tempted to tonight - I've still got this tiny sliver of anxiety about the ending of The Blacklist. Is that crazy? It's like I know they can't possibly wrap up the story in a way I'll be happy or satisfied with (and after the 8th season I mostly gave up caring about what happens in "canon")...and yet I'm sure when I hear about what happened in the finale it's going to feel like one last, poorly written gut punch.

How are you feeling about tonight?

Hiya, anon ❤️ Ugh, can I just say that you summed up my tangle of feelings absolutely perfectly? 🥺 More specifically, no, that is not crazy at all. I am in the same place as you with not caring about any of it anymore - not since 8.22 ripped my fucking heart out - & I literally can't think of anything I'd like to do less than watch the series finale. But even in the years since 8.22, there was still that awareness that the show was still out there somewhere, even if I only heard drips & drabs, & I scoffed at it all, & I didn't give a tiny rat's ass what happened. And while that remains true, the fact that it's OFFICIALLY ending (despite the fact that it ended for us two years ago) is... a little sobering. For me, I think it's a reminder of the pain & grief of The Terrible Awful™️ 😓

Also, yes, anon, I completely understand the sliver of anxiety & dread... I felt the same thing when I heard that they were finally blessedly cancelled & again when I realized the last ep was coming up... I can only speak for myself, but I think it's bc I still care at least a little about Red &, deep down, I still want a happy ending for him, even though I fully believe he can't have one without Liz. But I have zero faith in TPTB & I'm sure they will make it a nebulous, "cool" ending with no real answers, like always, or they'll confirm godforsaken R*darina, or they'll just kill off Red because they're incapable of writing anything else. And I'm sure every other aspect of it will be disappointing, like Ressler being the hero or something (LMFAO) & it will be awful all around. I have no other expectations & I suppose I have to either accept it and/or ignore whatever happens AND/OR consider it all a crap AU & Lizzington as our canon. But the way you describe it, "one last, poorly written gut punch", perfectly describes how I feel. I tell myself that none of it matters anymore - it's not like we're getting a Lizzington ending lolz - but I think I'm just afraid of being hurt again bc, for all my posturing, I know TPTB still have the power to do that, simply bc I still care just a tiny bit. Despite all the heartbreak I've already felt... a little remains of the show, the characters, & my heart for them to destroy 💔

Idk if that made any sense at all, anon, but I hope I communicated at least 3 things: 1) you're not alone in the way you feel, 2) the ending will probably hurt & ache & betray in just the way we're afraid of, & 3) we simply have to deal with the residual hurt, know that TPTB failed us & it's not our fault, &... cherish what we had by holding our Lizzington AU close to our hearts & keeping them alive through fanfic... at least, that's what I plan on doing. So, feel free to drop another ask if you want to talk more, anon, I would certainly love to commiserate & work through our feelings together tbh, & btw I'm very flattered you came to my ask box with this & wanted to know how I feel, thank you for being so sweet. In the meantime, hang in there, anon, you're definitely not alone, & much love to you, my friend ❤️

[wikiangela]

okay, time to watch the last episode of Buffy

I'm excited and have high hopes tbh 😂 it's the finale, it's gotta be good haha

so, my immediate thoughts throughout the whole episode are under the cut:

(warning: long post)

I know it's a drama, I know that, but adding Angel-Buffy-Spike just at the very end is like ughhhh why

like, it is kinda funny how worked up Angel got over it (and Spike having a soul when Angel "started it" 😂) but come on, this is annoying lol

I like the ending of that convo tho

wait, so that was it for Angel here? aw, I thought he'd fight with them... oh well, I have a whole other season with him, so whatever haha

apparently there wasn't enough relationship drama this season so they're really packing it in here huh

actually, I know that Spike's gonna be in ats s5 so I'm really curious how this episode will turn out haha

I'm intrigued by this plan Buffy has ngl - opening the seal? wtf?

honestly, I think that the amount of inspiring speeches this season is more than all the other seasons together 😂 its kinda funny but some of them were so cringe sns 😂 this one was good tho

Faith is so fucking hot my god - I don't care about whatever's happening with her and Wood tho

I like Kennedy and Willow, and I'm happy Willow's happy and that she could move on - but personally, I will never ever move on from Tara, this is still too fresh (fr, I didn't watch Buffy for like two months after Tara was shot, I'm still not fine and I miss her)

omg they're giving all potential slayers the power??? I love this so fucking much omg

this is so fucking cool

wait, they're all dying? wtf?

that was... probably supposed to be cool, but.... 😂 like, they were losing, and suddenly Buffy just stands up and everyone's immediately doing so much better 😂 I shouldn't laugh, that was an intense and emotional scene, but like.... lmao

what the hell is happening to Spike

what is happening in general, that fight was so fucking quick (tho I'm kinda glad it was tbh)

wait what

but Spike's in ats? I'm so confused

soooo Sunnydale doesn't exist anymore?

Anya's dead?? it shouldn't make me this happy lmao I've been asking for this since s4, even if it is the very last episode, I'm so glad lmao

so that's it huh

idk, I have mixed feelings

I'm very curious about Spike bc I know he's in Angel, I saw like a poster or smth, and 5x01 description literally says that Spike and Harmony come to LA so 💁🏻‍♀️

this episode felt too long but also too short, kinda rushed, especially the second half, and kinda anticlimactic? 😂 idk, can't put my finger on why

I loved how they did the spell and now every potential is a Slayer and there's more than one - bc it has been such a huge theme through the whole show how alone Buffy feels in this, even with all her friends etc, that she's the only one, the one responsible for saving the world time and time again, and no one fully understands it or can relate, and all of that is on her shoulders - but now they're all sharing that responsibility, can help each other, and they're just so powerful together

I loved that

I'm probably gonna make another post about my thoughts on the overall show, but the last couple of seasons I made posts about too so 💁🏻‍♀️😂

this episode didn't really feel all finale-like idk, not sure how much I liked it as a finale

it definitely is nowhere near as perfect as s5 finale was, I cried so much at that one (and I read that s5 was supposed to be last one so I can't help but compare) - I think s5 was more emotional and also it was like: I need more

but this one was more like an actual conclusion and it does feel like a satisfying end, something just felt a bit rushed or smth idk - I feel like they eneded it in a good place, and how it ended for all of them feels mostly satisfying (except the curiosity about Spike is all I can think about rn 😂😂)

overall, it was a good episode, I liked it, kinda meh finale (my mind might change tbh once I think about it, this is just first impression)

this episode felt... this is probably not the right word, but it's the only one I can think of: it felt distant (it doesn't make sense but this is how it feels, kinda detached for some reason, idk, I need to think about it before I made a post about the overall show haha)

I've been thinking about this episode for like half an hour and I think it's perfectly satisfying, but there's just something that bothers me that I didn't like and made me enjoy it less and I can't put my finger on why and it's driving me crazy lmao was it the pacing? who know lol

and the season as a whole was good, especially about halfway it picked up, with the potentials and the first and everything - gotta say, the first 10-ish episodes I was getting kinda bored, but when it picked up I was so invested I couldn't stop watching haha

so, I liked the season, tho it wasn't the best, but then again, final seasons rarely are lol

and I really really love this show, as much as I've been complaining about specific things and characters (and s4) - tbf, I'm Polish we complain a lot and I hate it but I can't help it, it's in my blood 😂😂

this post is already too long, and it's late, so, there will be another post about s1-7 soon haha

[anarchistbitch]

well it's not like according to tradition I replied in a timely manner lmao dont worry about it

sfjkfjsdk me too, i dont usually make playlists, i just leave everything in my liked and shuffle it and let it be what the universe dictates but idk i felt like getting them into one playlist

well if you add pepa pig id burst out laughing in the middle of a call probably and one of my work friends would probably shout "send her to sleep" bc thats what we say when we send clients back bc we cant do anything from our end so it would be funny and we would just ultimately skip it lmao

im looking forward to whatever songs you add, the playlist is long as fuck already tbh so it might take a while for the oli london song to come on

SFGDSJKFGDS well in my defense I had to ask bc i didnt know how long youve been on tumblr so yeah (shiro's cloning and the episode about it and the fight with keith)

anyways i motherfucking hated that they exploded adam and then tried to console us with curtis but anywaaaaaaay the fanfic is dirty laundry which if you were in the fandom i doubt you didnt end up hearing of it or at least the discourse around it but anyway it got deleted but i had it downloaded so have a google drive link https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwU9LMiUJoN7RjFWSGZVUlJQd1U/view?

yeah, the whole not enrolling classes in uni is a mess and i try not to think about it too much rn (i am seeing a therapist and i hope that by next year i have figured out what i want to do) but i like my job, we(my team)'re actually planning to rent a house and stay there a weekend very soon to celebrate our supervisor's bday :'3

making choices that will greatly impact our futures is seriously so hard, and i also not qualified for any career advice but manifesting that whatever you choose in the end allows you to be happy

just last night it started raining hard so i got up to turn off the fan but then like two minutes later i got up to turn it on again bc even tho it was raining it is still so fucking hot, seriously hate the weather rn

god mountains are so preetty, specially when the weather is cool and they get all foggy

atsv is a masterpiece and it continues from itsv so damn well, i really do love it and i hope hollywood gets up it's ass and pays their workers what they're owed so we can see it soon

KJSDFJKSDFHJS i am still seeing so many miguel o hara edits everywhere for real, i gotta say tho im in love with hobie and pavitr

JKSHFJS i used to do something similar with fob, i had a lot of them printed out and would put them on my binder cover so that i could memorize the lyrics so i was all day everyday singing them until i memorized it and the changed it for another song

idk how id rank fob albums, its so hard when theyre soo good but i really do love so much for stardust, aside from that one i think my favs are save rock and roll and american beauty american pyscho, mania was the first album i was a fan of them when it came out so it has a special place in my heart as well

my special lyric is part time soulmates full time problem, ive always been a fan of soulmate aus and hhhhhhhh just makes my brain smooth, also we started off as shiny dimes but we got flipped too many times, we did it for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never going to change 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

cheers to us and our interesting meeting jdfshjf

love you and i hope you have a good week :3 get plenty of rest and fun and water!!

-M

i feel like if we had a competition on late replies i would emerge victorious😎(crying inside)

honestly fall is prolly the best time to make playlists[not that im gonna, but sure is a nice time yk] but ahhhh anyway!!!! havent added anything but u will know when i add it <3

check hello tumblr user nonbinarymikaela pls provide access to the drive check [i checked out of any fandom drama cause i had so many exams that yr lmao. only time the edu system saved me]

[this is me actually hi]

honestly idek if i like my degree rn, like i really wanted to go for a history degree a couple years back before i changed my stream[its a whole educational system thats actually fucking fucked in india i hope it dies soon💜] but on the flip side - it was pretty hard to get a spot in my uni anyway so now im just in a whirlpool of smth. bleh

thinking of how next year is so close is like skewering me and roasting me like a kebab😭😭😭😭[but like dont keep a strict timeline yk, ur like seriously cool and i think any decision you take will be the best as along as your the one taking it ] [i wish i had answered this earlier so i couldve wish you good time on ur retreat but i hope it was good anyway💜💜💜💜💜💜💜]

man i need to like seriously cope up with my decisions cause i need to take an exam for my career which is seriously sooo..... but yea thats how its going

omg its raining here too and my college[which is seriously just a reformated jungle] turned into a swamp ish and they STILL didnt cancel classes. and i forgot my umbrella. i came back home like a sad wet cat .

gotta love that near-to-the-equator ass weather with climate change [i need to kill billionaires rn]

hope the strikes come to a fruitful end soon[for saf-aftra & iatse !!! fuck the amptp!!] but also i wouldnt mind waiting a couple years for btsv if the animators need that time to like animate in a safe and healthy manner yk

OH wait also im on my halloween movies watch rn!! just finished the addams family and watching paranorman rn [i need a gomez man btw. need him to be silly and obsessed and intense.and mwah]

[also if u wanna watch an indian series made in heaven is pretty cool(its okay-ish in terms of writing but it covers some very important social issues + the main leads are hot and dubious. what more do i need to watch a show)]

hobie kinda scratched a very specific itch in my brain like i want to be him AND kiss him , pavitr is so slay, and o'hara needs like a massage session thing where they unlock the trauma in ur knees or like a stamlo 50mg.

me & my friends fav fob lyrics was the 'how the mighty fall' cause we would do that "fall out...boi" intro everytime lol

i dont think i have a fave lyric but i think immortals was a top contender for reasons[i like big hero 6 :3]

Song rec: nothings new by rio romeo (saw it in a reels animatic and .. yea)

to many more yrs of late asks 🥂(appy juice cause i dont like the taste of alcohol)

my love and hopes to u💜💜💜 and also an umbrella for this weather☔

p.s. drink water/soup/iced tea + i care for u+ W in the chats

[hyuckmov]

it was really early in the morning when we went to han river and ate ramen there (CAN FINALLY CROSS IT OUT MY LIST IM HAPPY CRYING AGAIN) so there weren't that many people yet except for those alr walking their pets (SO CUTE BOTH THE PETS AND OWNERS R TOO NICE :(( ) and then bicycling. our initial plan was to have a lil picnic at night but decided to just do it in the morning so it wouldn't be too cold (SIKE) and about the couples -- OMG YES THEY ARE EVERY. WHERE. ANY TIME OF DAYYYY. it's really different to see it yourself. esp at parks!! we couldn't stop giggling because we don't know if we should proceed taking pics w the flowers and all or just look for another area because they're all there doing couple stuff (cute pics and all) it's so fun n hilarious.

that's alright though, at least you could save up more and maybe do other things first so you'd be ready-ready once you're all decided to go :> going with friends really IS FUN :(( coming from a really introverted person (ME)

i so agree with you 🥹 bigger, better, more fun, more more more worth the wait. it's kinda funny to think it now but that time it was just too depressing for me that almost everyone around me are there EXCEPT ME. like, genuinely happy for them but u just can't help but be sad too yk? SO I HEARD ..... and based on the clips i saw the boys were having soooo so so sooo much fun not to mention the crowd's truly amazing.. AND I THANK THEM THE BOYS HAD SO MUCH FUN. about the byl, if you're free that time then i think you should get it. HAVE FUUUUUN think of it as a little preview for u until you finally get to experience it live ;-;

PLEASE ENJOY THAT BREAK WHILE YOU CAN I'M TELLING YOU. i went straight to working right after i graduated and yes it's a good thing i alr secured a job as they said but i felt so down and burnt out for months since i never got to take a rest even for just a week or so... it was like my time was running out fast or something.. SO PLEASE. rest, have fun, do whatever makes you calm and happy.. just. enjoy <333

(PS i notice my responses get longer and longer each time i hope it's not a bother to you or to anyone that comes across this. and pls.. don't thank me im having so much fun chatting with uuu)

HIII firstly. not bothered by ur long responses at all i love reading these it’s like receiving a letter 🫶🏻 pls keep on sending these when u have the time hehe

omg eating ramen at han river…cycling and people-watching that literally sounds like the dream i’m stealing that idea for my own future trip <3 RIIIGHT the couples also i hear all the girls r super pretty w the middest boyfriends ever 🤭 im also an introvert (and actually irl really guarded lol) and i always wonder about what it would really be like to travel w friends or even live with them…wonder what it will do to my social battery and also just seeing me at my worst (11pm-2am) but ngl i won’t know until i try :) my friends and i might all be going overseas to and the same country for uni so it’ll really be like starting a new life and i’m excited to do it w them no matter what happens

sometimes it’s a comparative thing…. it feels like everyone else is there and it’s so sad that you’re not. i’m still debating between actually paying for the byl and also just watching it being streamed off someone else… one thing is that finding links for streams r so stressful esp when they get cut off…. but another is am i rlly gna spend $50 on this….but i hear it’s going to be really special with some new songs <3

the burn out is so real….. i was so annoying for the first few weeks of working because i just couldn’t believe like is this what real life is…? is there really nothing more to life? i was so struck LMFAO i was beginning to realize the power of having a bubble subscription because getting a notification from haechan as i’m rotting at my work cubicle is like a LIFESAVER. this is my last week of work and i’m so excited bc my friend will also be finishing work so we’re sooo gna celebrate by doing jobless things and maximizing our unemployment (weekday lunch deals and cheap museum tickets) 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

I HOPE YOUUU feel rested after ur trip and that life’s been going okay…. HOW ARE YOU!!! what have you been doing :)