Alhaitham is autistic and heres why
I already posted this on hoyolab but I figure the tumblr girlies would be interested in this insight.
Reading through his voice overs and how he behaves, it's pretty evident that he displays some traits of high-functioning ASD. I'm not an expert, but I have some insight as a psych major and from my own research. Here are some examples.
- Prefers to speak very literally. This is evident in his interactions, but he also states it himself.
"Rather than lacing my words with rhetoric, I prefer speaking factually." (About Alhaitham: Facts)
"[Alhaitham] does make comments, however, when someone has come up with something offensively foolish — and one should expect these comments to be more blunt than necessary." (Character Story 1)
- Seeming blunt, rude, or disinterested. This is also evident with his canon interactions, but here are some examples.
"Most people are wary of interacting with me. Perhaps they're afraid, or maybe they think I'm difficult to get along with. I hope to keep things this way." (More about Alhaitham: I)
"[Alhaitham] purely operates by rationality, so people often find his actions unacceptable. If you don't believe me, just ask [Kaveh] — thanks to Alhaitham, he has more pent-up frustration than an angry Anemo Slime." (Tighnari, About Alhaitham)
- Preference towards being on his own.
"I'll be taking some time for myself now. Goodbye." (Good Evening)
"I've never been interested in social interactions, and as you can see, my life is more comfortable than most. I'd say this is proof enough that being social is not one of life's necessities." (More About Alhaitham II)
"It only took half a day in the Akademiya for little Alhaitham to report this back to his grandmother: Everyone he met there was boring and he preferred reading alone to listening to their meaningless courses." (Character Story 5)
- Tendency to plan carefully before acting and distress when plans are disrupted. He very thoroughly planned the confrontation with the Sages down to possible actions they might take and how to use it to their advantage.
"Once order is disrupted, the consequences spread like wildfire. I'd like to avoid such a scenario, so I can keep my life intact and uninterrupted." (More about Alhaitham IV)
- Sensitivity to certain sensory stimuli. More specifically, Alhaitham seems to be sensitive to auditory input, and regularly uses headphones to block out external sounds.
"Alhaitham personally made the music player when he first became the scribe, and it is connected to the headphones via cables of the same color. He sometimes uses the gadget to play music, and other times, to block noise." (The Doer's Belt Pouch)
"Don't be offended if you try to greet me on the street and I don't respond. It's simply because I'm wearing my soundproof earpieces, that's all." (About Us: Greetings)
"I hope my roommate won't be hammering away on another one of his projects in the dead if night.. Actually, I'd prefer if he wasn't home at all. I really don't want to wear my soundproof earpieces to bed." (Good Night)
- Keen interest and fixation to certain activities, in this case reading difficult text and languages. The fact that he had the potential to study at the Akademiya at age seven too.
"All scholars seek knowledge and the truth. Some do so for fame, while others, for ambition. And some others enjoy conquering knowledge and the truth, transcending them, and savoring the sense of superiority in the process. Alhaitham isn't any one of them. He is only driven by what intrigues him. He believes that many scholars have already become lost in their pursuits, taking the truth as a tool or even a shortcut to self-realization." (Character Story 1)
Dont take this too seriously, it's just a "he's just like me fr fr" moment -u-
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i think about trans sanji a lot... mtf or ftm he's transgender (or genderfluid ♥️)
but i think about ftm sanji and his struggles with his identity. his self hatred, self esteem, and toxic masculinity... i think about ftm sanji a lot...
i have stuff from my notes app. one was meant to be written as a fic but i gave up so it's incomplete. this takes place after wci and before wano. warnings are below the cut and in the tags, please read with caution.
trigger warning - gender dysphoria, child abuse (may be graphic.), misgendering, self-harm
Sanji wishes he was never a man. Let alone be born with the genital of a woman's.
He loves women. He admires them. Their beauty, their bodies, their smile, their femininity, everything. He wishes he could be just like them, that was his assigned sex, after all. Yet as a child, every time he stared at himself in the mirror, he would be staring at someone else. He did see a girl, but it wasn't him.
It's his turn on night watch. As everyone exchanges their goodnights and enter the cabin, Sanji climbs into the crow's nest and leaned against the window where the moonlight shined. His hand over his heart and crumpling his shirt into his fist. They just left Whole Cake Island but now that half his crew learned about the Vinsmokes, he was only filled with dread and anxiety.
They knew too much and there was nothing he can do about it but fill his lungs with tobacco. He knew they wouldn't pry further and he was relieved that they still see him the same but... It was being confronted by his Captain he dreaded the most. He didn't care about anyone's past nor does he try to look into them, but after everything Sanji did to Luffy and what Luffy did for him, he doesn't know what the hell to expect anymore.
Sanji knows Luffy would notice something's wrong and he couldn't avoid him forever. What was he supposed to tell him anyway?
Oh everything's fine, Luffy. Just you know, I've been reminded what sex I was born as and how I grew up hating myself because I'm actually a man. And I hated being a man because of how all the men in my life raised and treated me. I feel like I have betrayed all the women in my life. But other than that, I'm fine, Captain.
He puffs out a trail of smoke with a long exhale, clutching his head and pulling his hair that covered his right eye. He only wishes for silence but the calm waves below. Not his shitty thoughts about his identity or what lessons he'd been taught on Kamabakka Kingdom. With little to nonexistent self-worth, it was fucking hard to accept who he is. He needed no one elses approval but his own.
—
"Mother... is it wrong to feel like a boy?" Sanji fiddled with his thumbs, sitting on the edge of his mother's bed. His back was turned towards her, but he could hear her smile.
"What makes you feel that, Sanji?"
"... I don't know. My heart feels bad and heavy when I am a girl," Sanji hugged himself tight, gritting his teeth to hold back his tears. His brothers told him a man doesn't cry, otherwise he'd never be considered or respected as one.
"Sanji, look at me," his mother's voice was soft and full with kindness.
Sanji slowly turned his head, sniffling his red nose with his tearful eyes. His mother gently cupped over his cheek and wiped away the teardrops overflowing from the corner of his eye.
"Follow what your heart feels, Sanji. Despite what your father says, you continue seeing me, right? Continue with what your heart desires."
...
If only it were that easy.
—
"I was born wrong," said Sanji.
"Clearly," responded father. Unsure what he had meant by that, Sanji was overjoyed to be treated as a boy going forward.
A man was not who he wanted to be, yet those feelings of euphoria when dressed alike to his brothers and referred to as a "son" or "he" were undeniable.
It was a bit of surprise that even his brothers were forced to comply. But that doesn't stop their bullying and abuse whenever left alone with them.
–
"We're only wrestling! It's what boys do!" Yonji exclaimed with his arm strangled around Sanji's neck. Sanji tugged and tugged, attempting to escape his grasp only for Yonji to flex tighter.
"You're a boy, right, Sanji? Then act like one! Reiju is more of a man than you are!" Niji laughed, swinging a harsh kick into Sanji's shin.
Sanji was gasping between breaths, his skin turning from a shade of red to blue. For once, Yonji obliged but that moment of refreshing release was cut short by Ichiji's foot to Sanji's mouth.
"If you're a man, then stand up!" Ichiji yelled, kicking Sanji again by his stomach, not giving him a single chance for a breath of air. Coughed up blood splattered over the red carpet and Ichiji's white pants.
"Eww! She spat out blood!" Yonji exaggerated his gagging with his tongue lolled out his mouth and pointing into it.
Sanji shakily forced himself up, bloodied and bruised. His brothers smirked at him, intrigued that he was even capable of standing up after a beating.
"I'm... I'm not a she!!!" Sanji shouted and panted heavily. He knelt over, clutching onto his growling stomach that was building up his throat.
"Oh yeah? If you're not a girl, then," without warning, Niji swung his leg across Sanji's head, forcing a crack into the castle's walls. "Try not to pass out!"
His brothers waited for their useless brother to even breathe one shallow breath. Sanji couldn't move a single muscle, yet he was still conscious. When he heard heavy footsteps, his eyes widened and his heart beat grew steady. Sanji cried out for his father, but his throat felt clogged and not a word was heard.
"H-hel...p... me..." Sanji sputtered with quivering lips. His brothers laughed aloud, every time their mouths opened their words would never be positive.
The heavy footsteps got closer and Sanji turned his head towards that direction, staring at his father's unchanged expression. The burning sensation from his stomach rose. It ached terribly and he couldn't do anything but cry.
"F-fath— MGH—!" Sanji vomited on the carpet, his brothers expressed their disgust and laughed. When Sanji's eyes met with Judge, he was stared down at with revulsion. He bit back the bottom of his lip, trying to prevent tears or vomiting again, he couldn't tell what was happening anymore. It was like the room started to spin, the laughter dissipating in the background before everything turned to black.
–
The only people in Sanji's life that even treated him with kindness were women. His bedridden mother, his bystander sister, and the maids. But his mother was long gone for months. All he became accustomed to was the gray brick walls, steel bars caging him in, and a heavy iron helmet upon his head. The only people that ever kept him company were the Germa soldiers. But of course, they never bothered with conversations and only responded to Sanji's needs. He was even lucky that his requests for books were allowed.
Being kept alive, rotting in this dungeon was a fate worse than Hell. His hair grew longer and it felt so damn itchy. But with the stupid mask over his head, he couldn't satisfy the itch. Sanji had to resort to scratching his arms until they burnt and glowed red. Sometimes he'd scratch hard enough that it'd draw blood. He'd only stop once his arms started to bleed.
Sometimes Sanji refused baths. He wasn't comfortable with either a man or even a woman scrubbing him clean. He didn't want to do it all himself. He didn't want to look at the bare body he couldn't stand to look at. He wanted his mother. He wanted Reiju.
Since Sanji refused to have a bath because of the growing pit in his stomach grew each time he had to strip down, reminded of the body that shouldn't be his. The Germa soldiers resorted to soaking him with a hose and drop off his preferred choice of clothing.
That was all these past months of hell Sanji lived through alone in the dark and dank dungeon. The isolated loneliness was more agonizing than being beaten like a worn out punching bag by his brothers. Despite the amount of bruises and broken bones they may have caused, he missed them.
But maybe he thought too soon. Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji found him, surprised that he was still alive. They purposely spoke aloud how killing Sanji would likely make their father happy. His heart began to race like it was about to burst right out of his chest. Once they got the gate unlocked, they approached Sanji slowly, making him backed against the cold brick wall.
It was the same cycle as previously. Maybe even worse now as they were beneath the palace so no one would hear Sanji scream and cry for help.
–
Liquid rolls down Sanji's forearm and his cigarette burnt out. His nails dug into his skin deep enough to draw blood. Shit. No matter the pain he's given himself, it will never get rid of the filthy hands that bruised his body.
Sanji tosses his cigarette into the ashtray and lights another.
Why couldn't the good people in his life just leave him to rot?
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