#also by the time i finished this my music changed completely i'm listening to End of Love by Florence now

[earlycuntsets]

translation: "my chemical romance interview. "for us, the live stage is the only place where we can be ourselves."

The songs are like a collection of rock anthems from all over the world, past and present, and it sets the hearts of listeners ablaze.

Who is the emo band that rocked the Summer Sonic stage?

My Chemical Romance, from New Jersey, who just released their major debut album "THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE" in July, came to Japan for the first time at Summer Sonic 04. MCR's music is called "screamo" because of their friendship with their friends, including THE USED, and their style, and it contains the street/garage sensibility unique to the generation that went through American punk in recent years… but if you listen to it with a calm ear, you can see that although the vocals are "screamo style," the songs have a beautiful structure and tearful melodies that are related to British heavy metal, and they also feature beautiful guitar solos. In other words, MCR is a band that plays heavy metal at the street level… That's why they must have been so welcomed right from the start in Japan, a country that has a strong tradition of heavy metal music (probably) - their first performance in Japan was a big success.

45 minutes after the end of the thunderous "Summer Sonic" stage

We caught up with the two excited guitarists!

I've never been to a show like that before! I'll never forget this experience.

--Now Frank Iero (FI): This isn't real.

How was the live show you just finished?

FI: Seriously! I've never done a show like that before. It was a memorable moment in my life. I'll never forget it!

--You seem very excited. What was so amazing about it?

Ray Toro: No, not "What". WTF! I mean, they were so welcoming! I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction at all. It felt like a hometown show. Oh, what can I say… ahhhh… anyway, it feels great!-- (Laughs)

Was the positive reaction because the new york was great? Especially the first single "I'm Not Okay" it's really exciting… It's a great song, and the song structure is well-crafted, building up from the intro, and the solo is uplifting too. Did you feel any magic when you made it?

FI: Well, let me tell you something. This song is something that you can't really call "written".

Really? Is that so?

FI: That's true. The song itself only has four chords, right? Except for the solo, it's all four. So at first, I thought it would be a boring song. But when we got together in the studio and Ray was playing those four chords over and over… Gerald (Way/vocals) started singing. The other members were silent. I closed my eyes and listened carefully. Then I realized it was an incredibly beautiful song. I felt it was worth completing. So I tried to change it up with the chorus. The root remained four.

---The guitar solo in this song creates a harmony with the guitar, creating a grandeur that is reminiscent of Queen. How did this come about?

FI: That solo was all Ray!

RT: Of course we were totally inspired by Queen! We were all saying, "Let's have a big guitar solo. Nobody does that anymore!" So I layered the guitars on it and made it as epic as possible. Also, when we were writing the song originally, we talked about making it as production-heavy as possible in the studio… Another thing I did consciously was to think of all the '80s pop and '70s bands I liked. I thought, "What would they do to make a song that's really epic…?" That's also where the two-second piano in the middle of the song came from. It doesn't really mean anything, but it's a bit like a soundtrack.

In terms of age, he was still very much alive.

FI: To tell you the truth, that second part is from the live album "CHEAP TRICK AT BUDOKAN" (1978) [laughs] I really wanted to include it. To begin with, even though some people have performed it live, I've never heard it performed in a studio album. I tried to include that as well and create the biggest anthem I could think of.

Q: Not just "I'm Not Okay," but all of MCR's songs…The composition is designed to make the listeners excited. They are all uplifting and dramatic. Is this something you do consciously?

FI: I'm totally aware of it.

RT: Yes. You can hear it in the song, but I change parts one after another. For example, We never repeat the same parts twice, and as the song progresses, new elements are added. We want it to feel like it's building from one thing to the next. Every member of the band contributes to that. The drums, the vocals, the melodies…everything helps the song to go higher and higher.

FI: Especially the new album, "It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish" crescendos all the way through. It just gets stronger and stronger. It all comes together in a spectacular finale. The whole band sings together for an anthemic ending. Because I like it! Our styles are completely different, maybe that mismatch is a good thing?

MCR's music tends to be dramatic. Is that due to the influence of the music you've listened to up until now?

RT: I grew up listening to heavy metal, like Ozzy Osbourne. I was obsessed with guitar heroes. I like bands that feature guitar players such as the late Randy Rhoads (g/Ozzy Osbourne) and Joe Satriani, Jimi Hendrix… In other words, Randy is the one who combined heavy metal with classical music, but his guitar playing I think he is the person who has had the biggest influence on my style. It's a bit old-fashioned, but it has a melody. And it's timeless. Melody.

FI: Richie Havens. My first woodstock. He was the opening act for the concert. He took me to an acoustic I just played it with one guitar, like a solo. There wasn't much, just sitting on the stool. He played very melodic and rhythmic guitar. But it's a completely unique style that can't be imitated. He had tiles… Such a great performer. I've never seen him before! I've seen Richie on stage about 10 times now, and I'm blown away every time. He's one of the reasons I don't stop playing guitar. I also love Greg Ginn (guitar/Black Flag) and Thurston Moore (vocals, guitar/Sonic Youth). In other words, I like dirty and emotional guitar more than intellectual style.

——————Hmm. You two have completely different tastes…

FI: Well, we are completely different types of guitarists, but maybe that mismatch is a good thing.

--You mentioned a lot of artists, but listening to your album I can sense a strong influence from heavy metal. But you also listen to a lot of different music from the '70s and '80s, right?

RT: Well, you can't just listen to one type of music, you know? There's so much good music out there. We can't just pretend not to notice it! All of us in the band try to listen to as much as we can and want to absorb as much as we can from all kinds of music.

FI: What we heard was an influence in some way.

FI: I like to use a Marshall JCM900 connected to a SUNN cabinet, and an Epiphone Zak Wylde model Les Paul as the only guitar. I turn up the bass all the way (laughs). Treble is about mid-range. I add gain here and there. But I like to keep it sounding like a real guitar. Not a "buzzing" sound with too much gain, but more of a solid sound.

RT: Yes! And we both try to only use effects when absolutely necessary, and usually plug them straight into the amp. Oh, but we do use wah pedals. Personally, I'd love to see the wah come back!

--I see. So with Frank on the bass and Ray raising the middle, it feels like you've managed to balance the band sound well?

FI&RT: Exactly!

FI: That's how I make it clear that there are two guitars. It's better to have a difference where you can hear each guitar part and it doesn't sound too cluttered.

――――So, let's talk about your playing, not just the guitar sound.

RT: I've been in the middle of it all. But the best thing to do is come to a show and see for yourself! I think there have been times when people thought it was Frank and it was me, and vice versa. We've influenced each other so we have some similarities.

---So you're influenced by each other's playing?

RT: Yeah. At least I got it from Frank.

I learned to play dirty. Not just clean, but more emotional. Instead of being super technical and perfect, I gave myself a little more leeway and tried to avoid feedback and pick-squeezing.

Frank is especially good at pick slides. He likes to make noise out of the guitar, rather than a pretty sound.

He's really good at bringing that out. Making noise, not just playing, is something I'm still learning.

FI: I'm the opposite, I'm learning to play clean, to keep things under control, but still let out emotion when necessary.

RT: A classic example of what you're talking about is "The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You." Frank has a really great part here. After the second chorus, it gets really quiet.

"THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE" Warner Music Japan [CD] WPCR-11883 Sensual vocal melodies and emotional guitars, as heard on the 1st single.Their popularity is on the rise thanks to the explosive emotion of their vocals. This is the band's second album and their major label debut. Ray's strengths are in his guitar playing, which always lifts the listener up. While talking about the existing screamo sound, such as the "screamo" part, a new sense of flavoring with the essence of gothic and metal shines. And it's the same with everyday experiences! Everything that comes out of it naturally comes out in the work, and the more I shut out certain types of music or certain experiences, the less fertilizer I have. The goal is the stage. Keep playing to the limit. From what I saw on stage a while ago, the live equipment was, you both used similar things. How do you differentiate between the sounds?

RT: I'm more into distortion. I play a lot of riffs and generally like to emphasize the mid-range.

My model was the crunch guitar sound of Metallica's "Master of Puppets" (1986).

FI: On the other hand, I only use distortion to a natural degree.

Can you tell me the specific equipment names?

RT: The amps are Marshall "JCM2000" and "1960".

Cabinet. The guitar was bought by my brother for Christmas 10 years ago.

It's a very easy one to make, but the sound is great!

I also use an Epiphone Les Paul.

036 GuitarBreakers Vol.8

He said it was a good example of how the differences between the two of them are well expressed.

Can you name any?

FI: You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us

In Prison, I guess?

RT: You're right!

FI: You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us

"In Prison" is huge! The first two verses are

It's rhythmic and dirty, and then…

Ray's guitar hero-like, epic solo begins (laughs). And it has a light rhythm. And then there's "To The End" too.

RT: Yes. In some ways, I play more technically than Frank, but "To the End" has a great guitar solo, it's fast, and it's got some rhythmic, dirty parts. But I think you can hear the difference in our playing styles on every song to some extent.

---By the way, on the album, which is left and which is right?

Are you playing the channel?

RT: Well, in the verses, I mostly play on the left.

Ray is on the left. And Frank is on the right in the chorus.

Frank really blossoms in this scene. It's totally different from his previous style.

FI: Mmhmm!

---Finally, could you tell us about your future goals regarding guitar and songwriting?

FI: For now, I'd like to be able to turn the parts I've written for the next album into proper songs.

Also, we have a clear goal as a band.

But I'll keep it a secret until I achieve it (lol).

RT: For me personally, I just want to keep improving.

FI: Me too!

RT: We both love playing guitar.

That's what life is all about, so I want to keep improving both in technique and melody.

FI: For us, it was a live show that lasted less than two hours. I think that the only chance I have is to be myself, to experience a pure and spiritual moment. So my goal is to continue to play all the way to the end. There is a joy that cannot be expressed in words. I don't think you can understand it unless you have experienced it!

My Chemical Playing - A magnificent world created with guitar

The key to My Chemical Romance's songs is the twin guitars. When the two guitars intertwine, sometimes intensely and sometimes elegantly, it gives the listener a great sense of exhilaration.

Ray was crazy about guitar heroes like Randy Rhoads and Joe Satriani, while Frank loves Greg Ginn and Thurston Moore. They come from completely different backgrounds, but as Ray says, "When we get together, we don't know why, but a special atmosphere is born," which is the characteristic of the My Chemical Romance sound. In fact, Alba

If you check out his playing, you can hear many good examples of two-guitar ensemble. One of the best is the backing for "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)." As mentioned in the interview, the bass in this song is a repeat of four chords (D → Bm Em → A), but it is amazing how the performance is not at all simple. Due to space limitations, I will not post an example.

"I'm Not Okay" style guitar solo sheet music.

I'm sorry I can't introduce it, but I definitely want you to check out the ensemble in the A-melody. So, I'll introduce the solo below. This performance was inspired by Queen and was meant to be grand. The harmonies are great, but the chord progression is deliberately E/G#, even though E would have been fine in the flow. This is one of the reasons why it feels so grand.

In the harmonies from bars 1 to 8, you want to be aware of the speed at which you raise the pitch of the choking, and the speed and depth of the vibrato.

The first half of bar 12 means "play five notes in two beats."

2004 volume 8 guitar breakers from theydrewblood.blogspot.com

[jinjinxedsoul]

When The Sun Loved The Moon - Aegon II Targaryen

CHAPTER 5. PLEASURE IS A SERIOUS MATTER

warnings: smut, very slight breeding kink, virginity loss. kinda dark aegon (gets someone murdered) grammar errors (I'm sleep deprived and english is not my first language)

A/N: I hadn't written smut in ages and I'm not doing very well mentally so the smut scene may suck but I promise I'll rewrite it as soon as I can and I'll try to do better on the next one :)

130 A.C

The celebration for Jaella and Jacaerys was as splendid as expected. Mountains of food and dozens of barrels of the finest wines were served to the guests who remained throughout the days of festivities. Far from the excitement dwindling over time, it only grew, fueled by the anticipation of Jacaerys and Helaena’s upcoming wedding.

Jaella seemed particularly cheerful, as Daemon had allowed her more than a few glasses of wine due to the celebration. She had also been granted many dances with Prince Aegon, Prince Aemond, and the young Lord Arryn.

The music ended, and the crowd erupted in applause as some of the couples who had just danced returned to their seats. Others, however, remained on the floor, eager to continue with the next song—among them Jaella and her partner, whom Aegon watched from a distance with clear disdain.

"Mother is watching you," Aemond’s voice came from beside him.

"Let her watch," Aegon shrugged, his tone indifferent. "It’s pathetic."

"Mother?"

"Decran Stark," Aegon corrected, his gaze never leaving Jaella and her dancing partner, who seemed to be laughing together without a care.

"I don’t understand why it bothers you so much," Aemond admitted. "Our niece seems especially charmed by you."

"Northerners tend to be... a bit rough, the complete opposite of what Jaella deserves," Aegon muttered, finishing the remainder of his drink in one swift gulp.

Aemond let out a mocking laugh, earning a sharp look from his brother.

"If we follow that line of thought, do you believe you're what Jaella deserves?" Aegon's grimace was all the response Aemond needed. "But I understand that such things matter little to you. As long as she wants you and you want her, there's nothing the rest of us can say about it."

Aegon nodded in agreement, a subtle sign for Aemond to drop the subject, and his brother took the hint, falling silent.

Since it was the last day of the celebration in Jaella’s honor, Aegon wanted to do something memorable. However, his mood had been dampened by the young Stark's insistence on monopolizing his niece’s attention, so when Jaella finally decided she’d had enough dancing, Aegon knew it was his moment before anyone else could approach her.

The prince stood, and the music stopped. All eyes turned to the young Targaryen, listening closely to what he had to say, especially his mother, who already seemed tired of her son's impulsive actions.

"Before the celebration ends, I want to take this opportunity to present one last gift to Princess Jaella," he spoke loudly enough that everyone in the hall could hear him clearly.

Jaella, who had just returned to her seat at the table, looked curiously toward her uncle. When their eyes met, both their smiles widened, especially Aegon's, who was pleased to have Jaella's attention on him and not on the Northerner.

Aegon continued his speech. 

"Since we were children, I’ve witnessed the immense fascination my niece has had with dragons. Unfortunately, the egg that was placed in her cradle never hatched, and she doesn’t have her own dragon, as almost all family members do. Today, on her fifteenth name day, I want to change that."

Jaella's heart raced, her eyes shining with a mixture of disbelief and excitement. The rest of the guests held their breath at such a declaration. Aegon, knowing everything was in place as he had planned, snapped his fingers. The heavy doors of the hall swung open, revealing two guards carrying a sort of uncovered chest, inside of which were plush golden cushions.

The princess rose from her seat, feeling a rush of excitement coursing through her, her stomach fluttering with anticipation as the guards approached her. Resting atop the cushions was a small dragon, no bigger than a cat, its beautiful scales a shimmering blue-green with copper accents that gleamed like real metal.

Aegon walked over to her and courteously took her hand, guiding her toward the chest that had been placed on the floor. Jaella looked at him, unable to contain her excitement, and the prince nodded, silently assuring her that this was indeed happening.

"Is it really mine?" she asked, her voice trembling with emotion.

"Of course," he smiled, fighting the urge to kiss her. "Its egg hatched a few months ago, and I knew immediately that such a beautiful dragon could only be meant for you."

"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes brimming with tears.

Aegon gently tugged her hand, leading her closer to the dragon. He silently sought approval from the guards, who simply nodded. The small dragon tilted its head curiously at the proximity of the princess's hand. Jaella smiled and extended her hand fully toward the creature. It hesitated for a moment but eventually leaned into her touch, pressing its head against her palm.

The crowd erupted into applause and cheers of joy, but Jaella could barely hear them. Her entire focus was on the magnificent creature before her, while Aegon gazed at her as one might look upon the arrival of spring after a long winter.

"I promise you that very soon, everything I have and everything I am will be yours." 

Jaella chose to believe those words and that after that day, they would finally agree to betroth her to Aegon. She wanted to believe that.

═════𖠁 ═════

The celebration had concluded without any incident; Aegon had behaved well enough, and when he felt too drunk to tolerate Decran Stark's blatant flirtations with Jaella, he simply retreated to his room, leaving the matter to Harland Arryn.

He soon fell asleep, relieved that his mother wouldn't come to scold him for everything he had done over those days. In truth, he didn't care much, for each and every smile and glance Jaella had given him had made it all worth it.

However, he did receive a visitor. It was during the hour of ghosts when Aegon awoke to the sound he heard inside his room. Though he had drunk enough that night, something had been on his mind, keeping his sleep light and allowing him to wake up at such a small disturbance in his chambers.

The prince sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes as he tried to see something through the dimness of his room. It took him a moment, but finally, his eyes made out a delicate figure standing before him, one he recognized instantly.

Jaella seemed nervous, wearing a soft white silk nightgown with embroidery that, Aegon recognized, had been done by Helaena. It was so delicate that it revealed the natural grace of her figure. Her loose hair fell gently in waves down her back and over her chest, shimmering like molten silver in the moonlight that filtered through the curtains of the room.

Aegon, still somewhat disoriented from the lingering effects of sleep and alcohol, couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered in his chest at the magnificent sight before him.

"Jaella," he whispered, his voice still heavy with sleep. "What are you doing here…?"

The younger girl fidgeted with her fingers, avoiding his gaze, feeling too self-conscious to look him in the eyes. Aegon tried to catch her eyes discreetly, briefly worrying that she might be hurt and wanting to make sure there were no traces of tears on her face.

"You left early, uncle," murmured the Velaryon.

Hearing her calm voice, Aegon relaxed a little, his worry easing. He was just about to respond when she spoke again.

"I didn’t get the chance to thank you for all the honors you’ve given me these past few days," she finally lifted her gaze, and for a moment, Aegon's heart seemed to stop. "From crowning me at the tournament to dancing with me every night... and the dragon..."

“You didn’t have to thank me for anything,” Aegon let out a sigh. “It’s what you deserve.”

“And I wanted... I want to thank you by granting you an honor as well.”

Aegon frowned, unable to make sense of her words. Jaella inhaled deeply, then finally made up her mind to move around the bed, coming to stand beside the prince, who couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way the silk clung to every inch of her figure.

“When you were in Dragonstone... You said you wanted to know that I gave myself to you of my own free will,” Jaella’s breath hitched, and Aegon couldn’t help but feel his own quicken in response. “So I’ve come to give myself to you. There’s no coercion, no obligation. Only my will.”

The prince’s heart raced, pounding so loudly that he swore he could hear each beat echoing in his chest. The remnants of sleep vanished instantly, and without much thought, he rose from the bed, standing in front of her. His hands instinctively cupped her face gently, as Aegon searched her eyes for any trace of hesitation.

“Do you really want this?” he asked once more, seeking assurance.

She nodded without breaking eye contact or hesitating for a moment. That was when Aegon leaned in, capturing her lips in a hungry kiss that left both of them breathless. When they pulled apart, Aegon kept their foreheads pressed together, softly stroking Jaella’s cheeks with tenderness.

“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to kiss you,” he murmured.

“Kiss me again.”

Jaella’s voice sounded almost like a plea, sending a shiver down Aegon’s spine. He joined their lips once more, and as their kisses deepened, the prince’s hands began to explore, first moving down to her neck, framing it with devotion, then to her shoulders where his fingers delicately played with the fabric of her nightgown, soon daring to slide beneath it, gently pushing the sleeves down until her shoulders were fully exposed.

A sigh escaped Jaella’s lips as Aegon left her mouth and dared to place a moist kiss on her collarbone, then moved down her chest, leaving several kisses until he reached her other shoulder. Aegon held her at the waist, surprising himself with how perfectly his hands seemed to fit against her sides. His fingers pressed into her skin through the fabric, feeling the warmth emanating from her body.

He traced his fingers around her waist, playing with the ribbon tied tightly at the front of the nightgown, which kept her nakedness concealed. Jaella opened her eyes, and he gave her a reassuring smile before gently sliding the ribbon, untying the knot, and allowing the nightgown to fall loose and swiftly pool around her feet in a small puddle of white silk.

The weather in King’s Landing was warm enough for that time of year, yet when Jaella stood bare, her skin prickled, and she fought the urge to cover herself. Especially as Aegon seemed to take his time admiring her, his eyes showing neither judgment nor haste, only a devotion that made her feel secure in her vulnerability.

It was not the first time Aegon had seen a woman naked, that was a fact; however, he had never taken the time to admire them. He wasn’t interested in spending time on that, as he always took them in the same way: from behind and without looking at their faces, preventing them from speaking and calling them by the name of the woman now in front of him.

He cupped her face in his hands once more and kissed her repeatedly, his hands moving restlessly over the princess’s smooth, pale skin, stealing gasps and sighs that died directly in his mouth. Jaella, for her part, wasn’t quite sure what to do. Although she had once paid a serving woman to talk to her candidly about matters of pleasure, the flood of emotions she was experiencing made it difficult to remember everything she was supposed to do.

Uncertainly, she brought her trembling hands to Aegon’s shoulders and removed the robe that covered his bare chest. The prince was young, and before the celebration, he had spent days training in the art of combat, which had given his body a well-defined physique, with muscles clearly marked on his skin. Jaella dared to run her hand over Aegon’s torso, causing him to shiver slightly. He wasn’t used to being touched so delicately or admired with the same devotion with which he looked at her. Although their past encounters had always been brief and emotionless, this felt different, and the novelty captivated him.

When Jaella’s hand brushed against the fabric of his trousers, she hesitated and tried to pull away, but Aegon stopped her.

“It’s okay. Don’t stop,” he requested, suddenly feeling more in need of his lover’s touch than he ever had before.

“I don’t want to do it wrong,” she admitted, feeling her cheeks flush.

Aegon smiled to the side and gently caressed her cheek.

“You’re perfect. You couldn’t do anything wrong.”

The prince’s words were the spark that ignited her confidence. Her hands returned to the edge of the fabric, her index finger delicately brushing against his waist, and she was surprised when Aegon placed his hand over hers and, with urgency, guided both of them inside his trousers.

She had never touched a man like this before, but when she wrapped her fingers around Aegon’s already hardened cock and he let out a deep sigh followed by a series of short moans, something inside her ignited. Her movements were initially hesitant, but as Aegon guided her with gentle and firm motions, her confidence grew.

Aegon leaned back, eyes closed and lips slightly parted in pleasure. His breathing became more irregular with each caress Jaella provided. The sensation of her touch, though inexperienced, was enough to make him lose himself in the moment.

Jaella watched him closely, looking for signs in his expression of what pleased him. Whenever she adjusted her rhythm or pressure, Aegon responded with a slight moan or sigh, giving her clear guidance on how to continue.

The prince’s breathing became increasingly erratic and agitated, and only then did Aegon withdraw Jaella’s hand, not wanting to reach his release in that manner. She thought she might have done something wrong, but the thought didn’t linger as the prince kissed her with greater fervor, pulling her firmly by the waist to press their bodies together.

Both gasped at the contact, and as Jaella’s hands tangled in Aegon’s hair, he gently guided her towards his bed. He laid her down delicately on the mattress, and his hand wandered between Jaella’s legs, eliciting a surprised gasp from her that he quickly soothed with a kiss.

“Aegon…” she whispered his name tremulously, feeling his fingers dance slowly and rhythmically through her folds.

The touches, though new and unfamiliar, sent pleasurable waves through her body, creating an overwhelming need that seemed impossible to satisfy.

“Yes?”

“I…”

She didn’t know what she needed, couldn’t put it into words because she had never experienced anything like this before. But the prince, more experienced than she, immediately recognized the implicit desire in her gasps and the way her body quivered slightly. Jaella’s desperate whimpers only intensified Aegon’s arousal, and in less than a second, he had discarded the remaining clothes he wore and quickly resumed his position between Jaella’s legs.

She trembled as she felt his manhood hit her entrance eagerly, he smiled tenderly and amused by the way his niece seemed nervous at that. He covered her face with kisses, trying to compensate for the pain he was about to cause her. Aegon began to enter her, each movement careful, slow, allowing her to adapt to the new sensation.

It was difficult for him to make his way inside her, as it was clear that Jaella's body was a virgin and despite the growing desire that was present, she could not prevent her muscles from tensing at the intrusion. Between caresses and reassuring whispers, Aegon managed to enter completely, causing the young woman's back to arch, feeling slight pangs of pain that ran through her completely.

A few seconds passed before the pain was replaced by a wave of heat that coincided with the moment when Aegon began to move inside her; At first it was uncomfortable, but as time passed his body relaxed, gladly receiving the prince.

"I've dreamed of having you like this every night," he growled softly against her neck, while continuing the pleasurable movement of his hips.

His words drew a moan from her, making her lift her hips, seeking to meet Aegon's thrusts with more urgency. The prince responded immediately, his hand firmly gripping Jaella's waist, while the other roamed almost desperately from her face to her neck, stopping at her breasts, where he massaged and squeezed. He seemed lost in his own desire, his hands traveling across her skin with such hunger that he couldn't focus on just one spot.

The heat inside the princess intensified, making her act with desperation. Pulling hard on Aegon's shoulders, she managed to turn him onto his back on the mattress. Jaella let out a gasp at the sudden sensation of emptiness but quickly straddled him.

The prince let out a chuckle, and a dark smile spread across his face, which only widened at the blush adorning the young woman's cheeks. He was pleasantly surprised by the sudden burst of boldness that seemed to bloom in her. Aegon usually didn’t let women ride him, but with Jaella, none of that mattered. His own preferences and needs became secondary; all he wanted was for her to feel good beside him.

His hands gripped her hips, his fingers sinking into her skin, leaving reddish marks. The pressure intensified as she began to lower herself onto his member. Jaella's hands positioned themselves on Aegon's chest, trying to find balance and not collapse onto him, as the pleasure coursing through her was enough to make her legs tremble.

“That's it,” the prince whispered, smiling and letting out a sigh when he was fully inside her. “Move” he commanded in a hoarse voice.

She was unsure of how to do it, but trusted that her body would know how to respond. Besides, Aegon's expert hands helped her establish a gentle rhythm that soon had both of them moaning uncontrollably.

Jaella tilted her head back slightly, her hair cascading down, as her breathing grew heavier and her movements more erratic. Aegon sat up on the mattress and held her firmly by the back, taking her lips with intensity, guiding her to a pleasurable rhythm that she struggled to match, moving with increasing skill on top of the prince.

“I wish I could be your wife,” Jaella murmured between gasps. “And have you all the time.”

“You will be,” he assured her before moving his lips to Jaella’s chest, marking her skin as much as he could. “You will be my wife, you will share my bed every night, and you will give me children.”

Jaella let out a choked moan upon hearing those words. The promises wrapped in those whispers not only ignited the heat within her body but also warmed her heart, filling her with a hope she had never known before.

“You’re mine,” Aegon murmured with an intensity that made her shiver even more. “You always will be.”

“Then claim me as yours now, fill me with your seed, and let me bear your children. Then they won’t have any choice but to wed me to you.”

Aegon trembled slightly, feeling the pleasure course through him at hearing those words from his precious Jaella’s lips. The idea sounded exceedingly tempting, but he knew that if he did that, it would ruin everything and he would likely be separated from her. His mind was clouded, filled with the haze of desire that seemed to obscure any coherent thoughts.

The image of Jaella pregnant, carrying their children, was a thought that invaded Aegon's mind with overwhelming force. He was consumed by desire, the sight of her body transformed by the fruit of their union, the power to claim her irrevocably.

She was aware of the indecision that seemed to darken her uncle's face and brought one of her hands to his cheek, without stopping to jump on him she kissed him tenderly and forced him to look into her eyes.

"I know it's not the time," she whispered against his lips, "But I don't know when the next time I can enjoy this with you will be or if our wishes will come true."

The idea drew a growl from him and an almost wild instinct made him bury himself hard inside his niece, stealing a pleasurable cry from her that would surely have been heard throughout the hall. The idea that he might not have her again, that this moment could be the first and the last, drove him to act with overwhelming passion.

“Let me feel what it’s like to be completely yours. Fill me as you would if I were your wife.”

“Do you really want that?” he asked, his lips exploring every inch of skin within reach, leaving red marks that would likely linger for some time.

“Please, Aegon,” she moaned, clinging to his back, seeking closer contact, her nails digging into the prince’s skin.

The sensations became overwhelming, building up in her lower abdomen like a pulsing knot that was tightening, making her feel that something was about to break inside her and she needed to know what that imminent release was. Her legs trembled, and the man beneath her couldn’t help but let out a small cry as he felt Jaella’s inner muscles clench around him.

The young woman dissolved into moans that called out the prince's name, leading Aegon to the peak of his pleasure. He made no attempt to withdraw; instead, he thrust more forcefully to ensure she felt him completely.

The warm moisture spread inside Jaella, making her smile along with a few gasps as she felt the slight spasms in Aegon’s member.

Their chests rose and fell rapidly as they both tried to regulate their breathing and match the beats of their hearts. Aegon desperately sought Jaella’s gaze, and when he found it and she smiled at him, he couldn’t help but kiss her with an almost overwhelming tenderness.

Jaella clung to Aegon, her fingers tangled in the prince’s tousled hair as she allowed herself to be carried away by the intensity of her emotions. Aegon's gaze, filled with devotion and longing, was etched in her mind, and she knew that, despite any complications that might arise, this shared moment had forged a bond between them that nothing could break.

═════𖠁 ═════

He gently stroked the young woman's hair and sighed. He didn’t know how long they had been like this, but there were no signs of the sun rising in the sky, so it was still far from dawn, or at least that’s what he wanted to believe because he wasn’t ready to let her go.

“Have you chosen a name for your dragon?” he suddenly asked, tracing invisible shapes on the bare skin of her waist. “I ordered them to start training it with you from tomorrow.”

“Moonfyre,” she said confidently, smiling softly.

Aegon’s chest vibrated with a laugh that escaped his lips, feeling a pang of tenderness upon realizing that Jaella had chosen a name for her dragon that perfectly matched his own.

“Moonfyre?” he asked, still smiling. She nodded. “I like it,” he declared before leaning in to kiss her forehead. “If you ask me, I’ve always associated you with the moon, so I think it’s a great name.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’ve always thought you have something of the moon. It’s serene and powerful at the same time, and has a unique beauty, just like you.”

The sweetness of Aegon’s words made her chest ache. At that moment, she realized that she wouldn’t be able to be with him in that way whenever she wished, that she wouldn’t be able to hear the affectionate words he reserved solely for her, and that soon she would have to return home where the search for a suitable partner for her would likely begin.

The room fell into silence for a few minutes, and when Aegon noticed the nervousness that seemed to envelop Jaella, he gently caressed her face to draw her attention.

“Is something the matter?” he asked curiously.

Jaella sat up as much as she could, crossing her arms over Aegon’s bare chest, trying to look him in the eye.

“You’re going to marry,” she whispered, her gaze showing the frustration she felt inside. “You’re going to marry that Tyrell girl.”

“What worries you so much, my beautiful pearl?” he asked, brushing the silver strands of her hair with his fingers. “No one will have me like you have me.”

“I know… It’s just that… I don’t want them to take you away from me.”

“They won’t, I assure you,” he smiled to reassure her, continuing to caress her face. “I won’t take any woman other than you as my wife.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want, Aegon,” she felt a lump forming in her throat and gently shook her head. “She will marry you to Laisa Tyrell whether you want it or not. She’ll do it to secure her alliances, but above all, to keep you away from me.”

“Jaella,” his voice grew more serious, and Aegon’s hold on her face became firmer. “No one will keep me away from you, especially not after tonight.”

“And how can you be sure? How can you…”

Her words were interrupted by five rhythmic knocks on the door, which Aegon seemed to recognize immediately, as his smile widened.

“Come in,” the prince requested, surprising Jaella.

The young woman looked at him as if he had gone mad, quickly covering her nakedness with Aegon’s robe and then slipping under the sheets, fearing that one of the guards might recognize her and spread gossip throughout the Red Keep. Aegon chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s alright, my love, it’s just Harland,” he reassured her.

Jaella peeked out from under the sheets, curious to know why the young Arryn was in the prince’s chambers at such a late hour. The brown-haired man looked at her with amusement and smiled, trying to comfort her discomfort, but wanting her to know that anything related to her was safe with him.

“My princes,” he greeted politely with a slight bow. “I bring... news about Lady Laisa.”

Harland’s gaze shifted significantly to Aegon. Jaella felt her insides twist with anger as she couldn’t understand what could be so important about that young girl and why it mattered to Aegon. The prince seemed to notice his niece’s displeasure, as a soft chuckle escaped his lips.

“You can speak freely, Harland. I’m sure the princess will also be interested in what you have to say.”

“Lady Tyrell has... slipped into the Dragonpit unaccompanied,” he said, capturing the princess’s attention. He continued, “Apparently, there has been an incident with Vhagar.”

“An incident?” Aegon asked, raising an eyebrow, though there was no hint of interest in his voice.

“A very unfortunate one, I’m afraid. Vhagar did not take kindly to Lady Laisa and... she suffered horrific burns from which she did not survive.”

The news did not affect Aegon in the slightest, but Jaella felt as though her soul had left her body; a strange chill ran through her, and her insides twisted in turmoil. It was true that she disliked Laisa, but learning of her death wasn’t satisfying, no matter how much she might have wanted to feel that way. After all, her most recent concern had been resolved with this news.

“It’s a shame,” the prince said, without truly meaning it. “Don’t notify anyone of her death until morning. Princess Jaella needs to rest, and we don’t need that kind of drama before she’s had a chance to.”

“As you command,” Harland responded with a bow before leaving.

Jaella, still curled up under the blankets, felt her breathing quicken as she processed the news. Her mind raced, and it didn’t take long for her to connect the dots of the situation.

“Was it you?” she asked, her brow furrowing slightly.

Aegon sighed heavily and opened his arms to her. The princess quickly nestled against his chest, seeking comfort from the shock she had received. He stroked her hair and scattered kisses across her forehead.

“It was your wish that I didn’t marry Laisa Tyrell, wasn’t it?” he asked, placing a finger under her chin to lift her face and make her look at him.

“But I…”

“I didn’t want to marry her either,” he whispered before planting a quick kiss on her lips. “If it wasn’t now, it would have been after the wedding. She sealed her fate by being so insistent on marrying me,” he said, making a face of annoyance.

“Aegon…” she murmured, feeling the knot tightening in her throat.

“Shh,” he looked at her with devotion while stroking her face and trying to calm her growing anxiety. “You don’t need to worry about anything, my beautiful moon. I made this decision, and it won’t affect you in the slightest, alright?”

“You didn’t have to…”

“I did it for you, and I would do it again. If I have to make you the only existing woman in the world for them to let me marry you, then so be it.”

A sigh escaped the young woman’s lips. Her mind was too tumultuous, but Aegon’s sweet words always managed to give her a clarity she wasn’t sure was right. She understood that perhaps the way it had been handled wasn’t ideal, as it wasn’t something she would have done initially. However, knowing that he was willing to go to such lengths to be with her brought a pleasant emotion she couldn’t describe, and she couldn’t help but have a part of her heart melt at Aegon’s devotion.

"What if they find out?"

"No one will find out," he promised. "The only one who knows is Harland, and he cares about you enough to keep quiet."

She nestled closer to him, and he tightened his embrace, wanting her to know he was there for her, no matter what.

"Now you need to rest. Let me handle the problems that will come in the morning."

═════𖠁 ═════

The death of Laisa Tyrell was widely discussed in court; as expected, her father hurled curses and profanities against the dragons of the old house. The king and queen offered their apologies and arranged a grand funeral for the young lady. Aegon, however, did not even bother to show up to offer his condolences, further enraging Lord Tyrell.

Jaella, on the other hand, did attend, offering comforting words to the grieving father, even though she had indirectly caused the tragic event. She reasoned that if Laisa's death was a small price to pay for her own happiness, the least she could do was show respect and offer her condolences. Aegon, of course, allowed her to do as she pleased—if it made her happy, then he was content as well.

The wedding of Jacaerys and Helaena was postponed by two days due to the recent tragedy, much to Aegon's delight as it meant he had more time with Jaella. Another announcement that caused a stir was Viserys' decision to send Harland Arryn to Dragonstone, where he would be sworn in as Jaella’s protector once he came of age. Initially, Aegon wasn’t pleased with the idea, but soon realized that having Harland on his side in Dragonstone might not be such a bad thing after all. The more he thought about it, the more he saw the positives, eventually agreeing with his father’s decision, knowing that expressing discontent wouldn’t have changed much anyway.

However, his sister couldn't have come up with a better idea than to request Lord Cregan Stark, Decran's older brother, to allow the young wolf to accompany them as well, promising to take him under her care. This made no sense, not only to Aegon but also to Daemon, who openly questioned his wife's decision.

The first rumor was that the princess had already decided that the younger Stark would be the one to receive the honor of marrying her daughter. However, Rhaenyra did not intend to wed Jaella to the young Stark, nor was she looking to forge a strategic alliance prematurely. That decision was purely precautionary. The princess was uncertain how much Alicent had poisoned her half-brother's heart, but she feared it was enough to dampen Aegon’s love for Jaella.

With Harland and Decran close—both of whom she knew were infatuated with her daughter—any betrayal by Aegon would be much easier to contain. Perhaps one of them would even volunteer to go after the prince's head if he made a wrong move. If she were lucky, Jaella’s heart might open to either of the two handsome young men with whom she would now live day by day.

Aegon had not taken this particularly well, and that night, he had sought refuge in the Dornish wine he had bought from one of the brothels in the Street of Silk, where he had gone under the guise of properly saying goodbye to the young Arryn.

"You'll be a formidable knight," exclaimed the prince, his words slurring, a sign that he was beginning to lose the battle to the wine. "So lucky. You'll get to see my precious moon every day."

Aegon placed a hand on Harland's shoulder, giving it a slight squeeze.

"You'd better behave yourself when you're at Dragonstone. You must take care of her."

A mocking smile appeared on Harland's lips, and he raised an eyebrow as he looked at the prince, incredulous at what Aegon was saying.

"Are you really going to trust me with her, knowing my feelings for her?"

Aegon dropped his hand and frowned, weighing the young man's words, his tone clearly aimed at provoking the prince. Aegon's temper did worsen, but he restrained himself, deciding not to punch him as he would have liked.

"It's either you or Decran Stark," Aegon spat the words with disdain, and Harland let out a laugh, well aware of the prince's aversion toward the young wolf. "You know full well how strong the princess's feelings for me are, and you know you can't change them."

Harland nodded calmly. The matter didn’t trouble him, nor was it anything he wasn’t already aware of. Despite his affection for Jaella being no secret, he had come to terms with the reality of his position and learned to respect the place Jaella had given Aegon.

"I know, and believe me, I don't intend to. I'll stay as far away as she asks me to," Harland replied.

Aegon sighed, fully aware that his niece enjoyed the young Arryn's company. That promise didn’t guarantee much.

"I'm not a fool, Harland. I have eyes, and I know the princess finds you... attractive," he muttered, eyeing him from head to toe with a hint of disdain. "Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to have you."

"Such flattering words, my prince, but please, you're making me nervous," Harland murmured mockingly, trying to hide how much the prince's words had inflated his ego.

Aegon shook his head and rolled his eyes, making a face for him to drop the subject, which only made Harland laugh.

"I take matters of pleasure very seriously, Arryn," Aegon continued after taking a long sip of his wine. "I couldn't deny the princess her pleasure, not after I've shown it to her, and I won’t always be there to give it to her as often as she desires."

It was Harland's turn to roll his eyes, aware that the prince was boasting about having shared Jaella's bed those nights, practically rubbing it in his face that he wasn’t the one to whom the princess had given her maidenhood.

"And why are you telling me this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Aegon asked, leaning in with a nearly cynical smile, causing Harland to frown. "It's either you or Decran Stark," he repeated with a grimace. "If I had to choose someone to please the princess in my absence... I definitely wouldn't pick you, but right now, I don't have a better option."

"Well... you could always fly to Dragonstone and please her yourself."

"Yes, Harland, what a marvelous idea. I'm sure my sister would welcome me with open arms every time I decide to show up at her castle to fuck her daughter."

"You're smarter than that. Are you really going to let me do whatever I want with the princess while you're here doing nothing?"

Aegon laughed heartily and shook his head, giving Harland a friendly pat on the shoulder, though it seemed more like a false mask trying to hide his discomfort at the idea of leaving Jaella with another man.

"Don’t get it twisted, Arryn," he warned, his voice growing more serious. "This is only for the princess's pleasure. If she doesn’t ask you to do anything, then you do nothing. Got it? Get rid of all those fantasies in your head. You’re only going as her protector. If the princess seeks you out for... other services, then and only then will you provide them."

Harland rolled his eyes once more and nodded, trying to mask his excitement at the thought that, after all, he might have the chance to be with Jaella as he had sometimes imagined. Of course, it wasn’t everything he wanted—he desired not only the princess’s body but also her heart. But he knew that was almost impossible, so whatever Aegon was giving him at that moment was better than nothing.

“I will take good care of her, following your instructions,” he said, inclining his head slightly.

“Just you, Harland. Keep the wolves away,” he patted his shoulder again, feeling more sincere this time. “And let your services not be limited. Obey everything the princess asks of you, even if it goes beyond your scruples.”

“Nothing is too far when it comes to her.”

“Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page about that.”

[not-poignant]

Raphael has a very poetic and grandiose way of speaking that is absolutely not the norm for day-to-day life. How do you get in the mindset to come up with his dialogues? They're perfection and I just can't even imagine how long it would take to do one paragraph of the way he talks, but you're writing an entire story with him...

Oh I love this question because I can answer it, lol sadlkjfsda

Okay so, Raphael's character is tough for me.

Normally I do a lot of dialogue research before starting to write a character in fanfiction and original fiction, but Raphael actually gets proportionately very few lines that really show his full emotional range (compared to say, Astarion), and he's got an incredibly specific way of talking that sounds similar to Astarion but at the same time is very different.

They share enough similarities (calling people darling and dear for example) that it's easy to fall into the trap of giving them the same 'voice.'

I find Astarion's voice a lot easier to 'get' and I feel like I can hear him better when I'm writing him. But Raphael I'm taking into emotional spaces we simply never see in the game, and then I have to really guess how he'd sound (like coming up with the idea that the theatricality vanishes when Raphael is genuinely panicking).

I ended up listening to a lot of interviews with Andrew Wincott, the Voice Actor for Raphael who is an incredible actor and extremely articulate. He was very clear in one of his interviews that one of the reasons he was selected to play Raphael was because, in part, he already sounded like him. Obviously there's differences / skill in changing cadence and more, but for the most part, Andrew Wincott uses similar vocabulary and talks in a similar manner to Raphael naturally, so I had an abundance of interviews that I could then listen to in order to get a feel for Raphael's voice. I picked the things that felt more 'Raphael' and added them to my dialogue notes.

I often have to go back and edit Raphael's dialogue. Sometimes it's very simple things, I had him say 'much more' in the chapter I'm editing right now, and I edited it to 'far more' because I think he'd just phrase it like that. Sometimes I expand a sentence into an entire paragraph.

I've also leaned a lot from Korilla's transcripts in the game, which have been super useful. They really cement, more than anything, how much he loves lullabies, nursery rhymes, children's tales and more.

HOW TO DO DIALOGUE RESEARCH:-

If you're new to dialogue research, it mostly involves listening to - and watching a character and then literally taking notes of how they talk. The things you observe are:

The tone of their voice - Fast or slow. Loud or soft. Musical or flat. Theatrical or matter-of-fact. High or low. Questioning or complete statements. Considered or hedging (i.e. very well constructed sentences, or a lot of pauses, ellipses, broken sentences). Rambling or concise.

How often they talk - Some characters actually say a lot with very little. Raphael is actually a lot of observation and facial expressions and eyebrow movements in between his dialogue. Little smirks, hand gestures and more. Do they interrupt or let people finish their sentences? Are they comfortable with silence? I find Raphael oscillates between long theatrical paragraphs, single sentences or words, and then a lot of silence. He's actually not very conversational, in that you can have a conversation with him, but I doubt he'd see the point of two hours of small-talk. (At this point you might be realising that dialogue research is also character research, how a character talks tells you so much about a character.)

The words (and metaphors/subjects) they use - This is a big one and I'm going to break this down a little bit more:

How they pause if they don't know what to say. Is it 'um' 'uh' 'ah' 'hm' 'mm' 'mn' or nothing at all (or something else) because they've mastered self-control over their dialogue? If Raphael says 'ah' he does so on purpose.

Filler words. Things like characters saying 'like' in a sentence. 'He was like, 'I can't believe it'' etc. This is very similar to how they pause, but it's the things people say to get from point A to point B. People who don't do this have often had training or think very hard about what they're going to say before they say it. But people say 'like' or 'and then' or 'well' or 'i realised that' or 'i thought that' etc. to carry them on. Some are more acceptable than others (people do just have realisations for example).

Profanity. How often do they swear, and how intentional is it? Some characters only swear when they get hurt or stub their toe or get angry. Some characters swear all the time for fun. Some characters only use some swear words and not others. Be specific. Be aware that some swear words are cultural! This includes blasphemy. In Faerun they use 'gods' and 'gods damn it' more often than we use 'god' or 'oh my god.'

Vulgarity. This is useful for Raphael (and Astarion) because he's very happy to be vulgar. This is like... how comfortable are they talking about sex, about sexual subjects, being crude, being seductive, flirtatious? And if they use it, do they use vulgarity to shock, seduce, scare, threaten, or for humour?

Salutations and farewells. How do they greet people? Silence? A calm hello? (A lot of greetings are omitted in dialogue but this is still good to know). How do they say hello, goodbye. How does that change between friends and enemies and strangers?

Single word sentences. This might sound weird, but sometimes when a character hears something that shocks them, or needs to acknowledge something, they may say anything from 'huh' to 'yeah' to 'fuck' to 'okay' to 'all right' to 'sure' to 'go on' to 'indeed' to just laughing out loud. The list goes on. Raphael is team 'indeed' lmao.

Sentence structure. Raphael's sentence structure is - when he's most comfortable - gently provoking, teasing, vaguely threatening, and makes liberal use of simile, metaphor, fairy tale, rhyme, sayings, colloquialisms and more. Raphael talks like someone who knows someone could quote him at any moment lmao. But from here, how a character structures their sentences can be helpful to know. Go back to 'the tone of their voice.' Those notes will give you an idea of structure.

Emotionality. How emotional are they? Do they have rage rants? Joyful giggling dialogue? Do they infodump with little emotion? Or with sheer excitement? Does their dialogue feel fake or real? Opaque or transparent? Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, and others will never be able to say 'I love you' in anything other than actions. Raphael's emotionality in dialogue is more present in his anger and irritation, and also when he feels triumphant and/or turned on.

The symbols, sayings, colloquialisms and metaphors themselves. Not all characters use these. But some people/characters will talk through analogies, colloquialisms. This is actually Raphael's biggest dialogue departure from Astarion, imho, aside from the fact that Astarion is a lot more emotional with his dialogue.

Take into account their culture, ethnicity, conceits, upbringing, education and the people they're close to:

This one is vital. Firstly, some people tend to 'absorb' elements of those around them. A person raised by affluent people will often 'sound affluent' and a person raised in poverty will often have dialogue that reflects this and if they don't there will be reasons for that. It might be a conceit (some people self-teach themselves different accents), it might be education, it might be training, it might be the subculture/s they've entered into, and so on.

~

When doing this research, you'll end up with a kind of master-list of actual words and probably some sentences you've written down, along with a lot of notes. You can also do this for any original characters you're making at all, you're just then making it up based on the character, and this research will also give in many ways the shape of the character.

It's a fun exercise and I highly recommend everyone tries it literally for people who don't exist and also observe your friends and family, and do a dialogue cheat sheet for some of them. It's pretty eye-opening! Even one page will teach you more than nothing at all. You can go deep and write many pages, or you can do what I do and keep it lean at 2 pages. Anyone who struggles with characterisation I suggest at least try this exercise, because anyone can put on a YouTube video and/or streaming service or even a favourite Tiktoker and start doing dialogue research! It's a way of building a character from the top down while also getting information about their foundations.

[thetorturedmusesdept]

@vcndetta Jim & Rose

The death had been painful. When his neck snapped, it had hurt. But at least, at the very least, it had been quick. The darkness had also rushed in fairly quickly, everything black in a matter of seconds. And for a long while, that was what it was like. Just an empty darkness surrounding Jim. But then, his memories had come flooding back to him in quick flashes, one right after another getting louder and louder until finally, they all stopped.

When he'd woken up, he'd felt disoriented, and his neck was sore. It had taken a moment for it all to puzzle piece together, and then Jim realized many things at once: For one, his mother was not really visiting a family member that was sick. She just wasn't here, in this world. Secondly, he wasn't from DC, but the planet Montressor. And he'd even ventured into space before on a crazy journey. Third, he wasn't a total lost cause. He wasn't some dirt bag with no future. He can, and had, turned his life around in the end, and even managed to make it past Cadet status and graduate from the Interstellar Academy at the top of his class.

The fourth and final thing he realized? That he'd been the stupidest, dumbest, biggest idiot in the world and absolutely royally fucked up things with Rose. And he needed to fix it. Now.

The first thing Jim did was find a florist. In the end, he'd wound up placing a rush order on 100 red roses, to be delivered to Rose's door at a specific time the following night. The next thing he'd done was get to work. He'd gone through and found the songs he needed to express what he felt, and then learned how to play them on guitar, creating a mashup he could sing himself. After that, he spent the rest of his time thinking of what else to say, and how to say it, all while nervously pacing and pulling together last needed elements he needed to complete his plans. Once the time had come, Jim met the delivery from the florist at Rose's door. He was dressed just a tad bit nicer than usual, not formal by any means but he'd at least left the jeans and bomber jacket at home. He also had several small tables of varying heights set up in an arch around Rose's door, and used it to place all the various bouquets of red roses into various red vases he'd bought. Once the roses were set up and the delivery was finished, the hallway empty, Jim took out his guitar and flung the strap over his shoulder. Then, taking a deep, trembling breath, Jim finally rang the doorbell, and followed up with a knock as well out of nerves.

He swallowed thickly as he stood there, dressed in slacks, holding his guitar, and surrounded by 100 red roses. He felt probably one of the most vulnerable times he ever had in his life, but he knew it was necessary. Rose had been vulnerable with him. It was his turn. As the door started to open, Jim took a deep breath, and started to play the music before he even saw her face. When he did see her, he nearly messed up in his playing, and had to take another deep breath to steady himself before it was time to sing.

"I've been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. I have a lot of regrets about that," he sang, trying to keep eye contact so she would really listen to every word. "Pulled the car off the road to the lookout. Could've followed my fears all the way down. And maybe I don't quite know what to say, but I'm here in your doorway. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying."

He allowed the music to build and change into the next song's melody. "I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make. Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake. And in the end you're still my friend, at least we did intend for us to work, we didn't break, we didn't burn. We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in. I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not, and who I am. I won't give up on us. Even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up. And I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. Well I won't give up on us. God knows I'm tough enough. We got a lot to learn. God knows we're worth it. This is me trying. I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up."

As Jim let the last note die on his lips and the guitar, he could feel all the emotions inside of him threatening to bubble up and spill over. God, more than anything, he just wanted to grab her and kiss her. But he couldn't. Not yet. "Rose," he breathed, taking another deep shaking breath as he swung his guitar onto his back, trying to remember everything he'd wanted to say. "I love you," he finally said, and the words were heavy with the weight of his confession. He took a step toward her, hoping she wouldn't back away. "I want to be with you. Only you. I want to take you out on dates, and cook for you. I want to hold your hand. I want to... sing you songs and get you flowers," he lightly poked fun at himself, "and I want to tell you, every day, what you mean to me. How much I want you. How much I..." The rest of his speech flew out the window as he shook his head. "Rose, I'm so in love with you it hurts. Please. I've been so stupid. I can't begin to make up for it. All I can do is just be honest and tell you that you are... everything. You're my first and last thought of the day and every thought in between. You're in my dreams, hell, when I think of my future, you're the only thing I'm sure I want to be in it," he admitted. "Rose... I will never, ever be so stupid again if you could just... find it in yourself to give me a chance. I will spend literally the rest of my life showing you how I feel if that's what it takes. Just..." Hesitantly, he reaches for her hands. "I love you, Rose. I'm in love with you, and all I want is to be with you."

[xcerizex]

Lovebrush Chronicles: Godheim Review

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My very long, informal, and definitely biased review. This will contain minor spoilers for the Godheim arc only so take caution. This review is also only limited to the Godheim series so there will be no overall thoughts on the game itself. I followed Otome Kitten's format and I really hope it helps out any beginners to LBC.

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ART:

I found the art very pretty and was extremely glad to see that they did not skip out on giving us CGs either! The sprites all looked good, but I personally have some issues with Lars' outfit (the orange did not look good on you sweetie 💀).

Not all CGs are drawn by the same artist however, which may be off putting for some. The total count number of proper CG's for each route (not including common route) boils down to around 4-5, so that also may be a pet peeve for some.

On another note, there are also mini CG's which appear as small boxes, whether you consider it as an actual CG is up to you. Personally, I enjoyed the roles they played towards aiding the narrative.

Unrelated note, I'm banging on the floor crying and wondering who the hell did Ayn's CGs (the one where he was cleaning his sword was my absolute favorite 😍) and why didn't they come back.

MUSIC:

If there's one aspect of the game that I shall praise to the ends of the earth, it's the music.

Colour me shocked when I listened to the intricate and deep soundtracks for the first time, they just took my breath away! There were many gorgeous orchestral scores that depicted the fantasy setting perfectly. Not to mention the battle ost's which had more effort put into them than necessary.

My personal favorite OST's would be the "River's End", and "Starry Sky", which plays the same tune as the OP song you hear when you log onto the game. It's honestly so iconic. 😭👌

Opening theme:

VOICE ACTING:

I was absolutely flummoxed by the stacked japanese voice cast, which all included extremely famous seiyuus from the otome industry:

1. Ayn Alwyn

[JP VA: KENN]: Shelby Snail (Cupid Parasite), Yukimaro (9R.I.P), Limbo (Bustfellows)

2. Alkaid McGrath

[JP VA: Tachibana Shinnosuke]: Seiya (9R.I.P), Henri (Piofiore), Rafayel (Love and Deepspace)

3. Lars Rorschach

[JP VA: Junichi Suwabe]: Artem (Tears of Themis), Van Helsing (Code: Realize), Sukuna (Jujutsu Kaisen)

4. Clarence Clayden

[JP VA: Kosuke Toriumi]: Rei Mukuni (CollarXMalice), Ichiya (Variable Barricade), Chojiro (Nightshade)

5. Cael Anselm

[JP VA: Daisuke Hirakawa]: Saint Germain (Code: Realize), Tower Overlord (Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk), Lucas Proust (Virche Evermore)

COMMON ROUTE:

To my delight, the pacing was done very well. Nothing was dragged out and the introduction to the overall plot of the game was well established minus a certain plot point which definitely could have benefited better by being introduced in the common route itself.

I didn't really expect it to turn out as dark as it did however. The common route + modern prologue took me around a total estimation of more than 4 hours but in reality the prologue itself shouldn't take that long at all.

ROUTE ORDER:

Once you've completed the common route, you are given the option to start either Ayn's or Alkaid's route. After you've completed both, Lars' route is unlocked. And once you've finished all three routes, Clarence's route unlocks as the grand finale.

This was my personal playthrough and I wouldn't have changed it if given the chance. I believe it had the best flow of story progression. Though that was mainly because I wouldn't have enjoyed Alkaid's route as much if I'd played Ayn's first:

Alkaid = Ayn = Lars = Clarence

____________________________________

AYN ALWYN:

- Crown Prince of Godheim

- Tsundere

- Sweet tooth ❤️

Ayn is Lars's cousin, but you soon find out that there is not a hint of familial love between them. He shows up as a mysterious figure during the common route and portrays a conflicting character, making the heroine unsure of his standing. While he appears blunt and crude, he is a determined young man who's sworn vengeance, and with an unexpected love for sweets.

Ayn's route in my opinion had the best consistent pacing as well as romance. I did find the romance somewhat abrupt early in the story, but the strong chemistry between him and the heroine more than made up for it! 🥰 It was just so enjoyable to watch them banter with one another and watching them just click.

I enjoyed the storyline for this route a lot and I think it had something to do with the fact that Ayn's route provided a different perspective in comparison to the others. In this route, we learn more about the the political situation surrounding Godheim and the royal family.

I also loved Ayn as a character, and not unexpectedly became my oshi ❤️.I do think a lot of people will enjoy him as a love interest. His route also has a wee bit of spice 👀, so for y'all thirsty gamers be sure to savor it slowly, as it's the only bit of spice we're getting here lmao. I did find some of his actions, mostly in the bad ends, to be OOC, but I easily brushed it off seeing as how much I liked him.

ALKAID MCGRATH:

- Member of the Noventrate

- Good, sweet boi

- Tea

Devoted and caring, Alkaid is the mage assigned to guard the heroine during her stay in Godheim. He's always expressing his concern for the heroine and will do anything to help her, even if it means betraying his mission.

Alkaid is the character who the heroine interacts the most during the common route. His romance with the heroine was sweet, even if it did feel way over the top in it's initial stages when I first played it. But once I got to learn more about him, I realized that he truly just wanted the best for the heroine, romantic feelings aside. 🥺

The route was fine. But I personally wasn't the biggest fan of the direction (?) it took on halfway. Some parts of it felt irrational to me and didn't really feel like it had any real relevance to its own story.

On another note, Alkaid is such a dreamy man. 😩 I adore just how respectful of a man he is in general (women respect juice, bottoms up!), and it was so sweet how attentive he was in making sure the heroine was always out of harm's way. I guess you could say he was someone akin to a hero in fairytales.

LARS RORSCHACH:

- Emperor of Godheim

- Good at combing hair 🥰

- That chest doe 👀

Known as the "Tyrant Emperor" from the heroine's manga, he immediately sweeps her off her feet, claiming her as his bride the moment she first arrived at Godheim. While his initial impression was flirty and playful, he lives up to his name as a cold-blooded tyrant. For some aspects at least.

His route focused more on the Silver Knight, which was the main (and wrong) reason why I enjoyed his route so much! 😆 On that note, I think that the writers had a bone to pick with Lars. They just had to force him to share the spotlight with an intriguing side character lmfao. The route itself was paced and executed well for the majority, but the quality of the writing towards the end was slightly skewered.

But to be honest, I quite enjoyed Lars a lot as a character, rather than a love interest. It was interesting to see the conditions surrounding his birth as a tyrant and his motivations for his questionable actions.

That's not to say that the romance wasn't enjoyable. I actually quite liked the relationship between him and the heroine. I found some moments they shared together really sweet. I also adored the development of Lars' feelings, and you can see just how important the heroine's existence was to him at the end of the route.

Though I guess I would have found the romance more believable if the heroine articulated her feelings for Lars more. I found it difficult to see the romance from her side. In short, the romance wasn't it's strongest point.

Clarence Clayden:

- Godheim's Archmage

- Get the tissues

- I've never been the same since...

Clarence has somewhat poised himself as an antagonist, only giving leeway in Lars' route. Distant and cold, he is stubborn in wanting to use the heroine for his goal and is willing to sacrifice anything to achieve it.

This route was an emotional rollercoaster. It broke me down, dumped my heart 6ft underground, trampled on its grave, and then some. It left me broken for a whole week for real goodness gracious...😭

This route can probably considered the "True Route", seeing as how it tackles the problem straight on unlike in other routes. The pacing slows down a little bit for a few chapters, but once it picked itself back up, it picked up HARD.

Now let's get to the romance. Out of all routes, some may say it had the least sugary romance, and a part of me agrees. But do igaf? No! ❤️Clarence turned out to be such a longingly sweet character and despite all the harm and pain he's done, I have no qualms in forgiving him and wanting to love him with all my heart🥺, as does the heroine.

I honestly don't want to say too much as it may ruin the experience. I went into this route completely blind and boy was I glad. All I can say that this route was the most popular out of all the routes for good reason. Got me playing up to 2 am with no regrets.😆😭

CAEL ANSELM:

- The Silver Knight

- The bias wrecker

- The sus

- He ruined me...

He is known in Godheim as the Silver Knight as well as the leader of the Rebellion. Decisive and apathetic, the heroine is unable to affect him emotionally in any form.🤡

Cael does not have an actual route, but a personal story, labeled as Expedition from his POV which may serve as an epilogue to the Godheim series. In his story, any unanswered questions are explained here, as well as the many actions he took that did not make it on screen.

If this wasn't a review I'd spend one whole section brainrotting about him so be grateful I'm trying to keep this short. 😅 Cael is a surprisingly interesting character by nature and it was very liberating to finally get a glimpse of his true feelings and thoughts throughout the heroine's journey in Godheim.

I'm scared to say more in case it may ruin any surprises. In my opinion, I enjoyed his story a LOT! It definitely made me feel depressed and empty in its own way and it hurts my heart to see that he never got a route of his own for reasons I won't get into right now. Absolutely amazing and one of my favorite parts of the Godheim series!

_________________________________________

TRUE EPILOGUE:

Once you've finished all routes, the game will give you the option to choose one "True Ending", wherein you choose one of the boys to have a happily ever after with and by your own accord.

"One can only paint a world in which they believe in." 🥰

Please note that you can only choose one boy at a time. Your choice will then give you a Pictura based on which boy you choose.

To change your "True Ending", buy the Diadem from the shop to change your choice. You will not receive a different Pictura however.

I think the best thing about these endings were the music.😆 Each soundtrack was unique to each character and drop dead gorgeous to listen to. 😩

HEROINE (LITTLE PAINTER):

- Cheeky

- Anonymous manga author

- Needs a therapist (rly tho)

Despite China's strange attempts at creating self-insert heroines by leaving them nameless, the Little Painter was far from a blank slate! She's extremely relatable when it comes to her reactions and actions. Often times I would react a certain way to something an LI said or did, only for her to do the same thing! 🤣 I guess that could also count as a self-insert personality.

But if there's one thing I admire her greatly for, it would be her drive and determination to save Godheim. Her journey was far from easy and I doubt I could ever stay sane the way she did. Tbh, I didn't like the fact that her sufferings were never truly addressed properly, or rather, professionally ig?

I also found her quick adaptation and flexibility to her new environment extremely impressive. That goes the same to the way she wielded her powers for the first time. And how she grew stronger to go head to toe with even Clarence in his own route! You👏 Go👏Get👏 Em👏 Girl!

That said, she's not perfect. Some people found her to pushy and annoying though I personally found it okay. I was really glad how she didn't force herself to tolerate any crap and got that anger out rightfully.😆 (Asmoran deserved it...)

_________________________________________

Final Thoughts:

I have enjoyed my journey immensely! The whole premise and setting drew me in, and I was surprised with the impressive narration which absolutely pummeled me to the ground (mostly on Clarence's route and no I'm not shutting up abt that).

The localization was also really superb? Yes it had a few typos + mistakes here and there, but they really pulled out all the stops when it came to making the dialogue natural and relatable. Not to mention a few large words that even I don't understand. 😂

It's not without it's imperfections of course. There are definitely some issues with the writing. And if you're looking for heavy romance or even fluff, Godheim is not the place to go to. 😅

Playing the Godheim arc took me about a week-ish, considering I had to level up and such. It may be a tedious process for some, but for me, it was an iron gate which I violently shook every day, screaming for the next chapter.

All in all, it's definitely worth playing! You don't lose much anyway considering it's free, so just give it a try. You can always drop it if you don't like it. My rating for this game is also very much biased and should not be taken seriously:

8/10

[qianqiancandyjar]

Ninjavember 2023!

Here's completed version with a bunch of explaining below each picture! Just scroll down if you don't want to see me blabbering. (I tried to go short as much as possible)

(I have a lot of AUs and headcanons that only exist in my head and my sketchbooks. Forgive me for wanting to spill them out.)

Day 2: Randy was listening to music with earphones so he didn't know Theresa was sitting next to him. Imagine how embarrassed he would get when he knows.

Day 8: Tech-Ninja AU. It's about machinist Randy being set up by Mcfist for murdering the town hero Ninja with his invention, the Tech-Ninja armor. Then the spirit of the destroyed Nomicon travelled to his armor and become an AI, choosing him to be the next Ninja. So Randy accepted it and was determined to make up for what he caused, when nobody except Howard, the boss of Weinerman industries, trusted him.

Day 10: Apocalypse AU. It's about Randy lost the battle at the end of season 2 and became the prisoner of the Sorcerer. The Nomicon was handed to Howard before that, and they later recruited survivors to form a resistance against the Sorcerer. Then Randy was stanked, but instead of turning into a monster, he was brainwashed and given the power of creating his own red and black stank. And- You know what will happen. (Inspired by the Darkness of Randy Cunningham)

Day 13: Elemental trial AU. You can say it's my take on what will happen in season 3. The Carp god was under the cover of a random carpfish as Norisville mascot. After a series of events it was awaken and gave Randy the power of Ice Rage.

Day 14: I think there's more than just the blood of First Ninja's brothers, since nobody knows how to destank people at the beginning...

Day 17: The Warrior might have been living or sleeping there, waiting for some ninjas to wake him up or consult him about his forbidden arts. (Ha, It's kinda like Eclipsa in Star vs. the forces of Evil)

Day 18: Or it can be called the New Generation AU. In the future, Randy took the place of Messager as well as the Ninja Guardian, while Brent became the new Sword Smith and Sorceress became their main villain. I am not really good at designing OCs so there's no next ninja yet.

However, I read a fanfic of another fandom in the form of CYOA, and it gave me new idea: just let the reader be the next ninja, it will be fun, too. (Also, this AU was inspired by an RC9GN fanfic titled from the past to the future, where future Randy became Ninja Guardian. But I couldn't find it on fanfiction.net any more. Has anyone read it? I didn't dream about it, right?)

Day 19: During that time I got even crazier after I read Enter the Nomicon. It's hard to believe I had a crazy period of shipping Randicon, even for myself. Especially weird for me since I now have a completely different view about Nomicon (peek at my Yokai Ninja AU comics). Time really can change a person, wow.

Day 21: Yes, a whole page just for this headcanon. I used the screenshots in the show because it's too hard to draw. The barrier thing is kinda like the one that held Bill's power in the range of Gravity Falls.

Day 23: Danny: the Walking Air-Conditioner. Inspired by a chapter of Secret Quartet. Danny phased his hand through the scarf. Just imagine your friend put a cold hand inside your scarf in winter. *shiver*

Day 25: Besides Ninja vine ball, there are also spike ball, gas ball, sonic ball, rainbow illusion ball, tear ball and so on. I just pick the most common one from my ninja balls headcanons to put in here.

Day 27: You may see I prefer using numbers to refer episodes, because that's how I track and rewatch them. To be more specific, I list some keywords here: NomiRandy, First Ninja, Debbie, Tengu. As fellow RC9GN Fans I'm sure you get it.

Day 30: It's a half-baked AU thing. The flowers I tried to draw are rosemary?

Wow! I actually finished all the prompts! Thank you for holding the big event! @evilspiritweek

(I don't mind sharing more details about my AUs or headcanons. *wink*)

[andmaybegayer]

Look, I'll be honest, I got very little for you here.

Typically around this time of year I'm either still out wandering some wild place in South Africa or I have just got back home from said wandering and either one of those means I've got like, three or four books that I've just finished and a bunch of albums and probably some kind of photographic shenanigans.

These are not happening right now.

I am currently in an apartment in Prague with some visiting family I've been touring around so it is. Different. In light of this fact we're going to do our:

Last First Monday of the Year 2024-01-01

which is going to be a wrap-up of notable entries from 2023. It's true, I got some notes!

Listening (Music):

There is a clear winner for Most Important Album for me this year and that has to be Titus Andronicus putting out The WIll to Live. I picked up Titus Andronicus a few years ago on a rec from a guy on IRC and after putting The Monitor on loop for days I was so down with it. Unfortunately while the rest of their repertoire is honestly really solid punk, The Monitor is truly next level shit. The Will to Live finally closes that gap. It's so good.

There's a lot of good pull songs from this one but I do adore Baby Crazy which is just a breathless rundown of the core philosophy of the album. Part of what links The Monitor and The Will to Live is a very heavy handed metaphorical through line, The Monitor through American Civil War references and The Will to Live through the convoluted nuclear family analogue.

Truly no one is doing it like Titus Andronicus.

Listening (Podcasts):

Noted originator of the new weeklypost tradition @girlfriendsofthegalaxy was always talking about Friends at the Table and so I was like "Hey her taste is pretty good that's probably better than the median TTRPG podcast" and hey. It was. SO much more than I was expecting.

I started with Partizan which was at the time the current season, and hoo boy. F@TT does many things that handily sidestep a lot of my issues with RPG podcasts. By running tight little game systems with strong narrative focus and leaning more into the storytelling side than actual play (while still allowing rolls and player decisions to completely upend the plot) they get into the action quickly, have strong character driven scenes, and manage to hold my attention.

I will be open and say that the politics of Austin Walker's storytelling are very mixed. A lot of people act like these games are incisive political commentary but they only really hit that occasionally, which I think is good. Leaning into the weirdness of these settings is important, and trying to make them cleave too close to modern problems at all times would weaken them, compared to what they actually do well.

What If Han Solo Was Beyoncé. Remember: You Have Beaten Your Worst Days. Destroy Something Instead Of Understanding It.

Within four episodes of the start of Partizan, one half of the game has seen the death of a minor god and started a false flag operation with consequences that would persist to the end of the season. The game systems in play often outright prevent character death in all but the direst situations, but they replace that with dramatic character change. Clem becomes Obsessed, Valence becomes Righteous, Sovereign Immunity becomes Paranoid.

They are definitely playing "for the camera", if you aren't a fan of heavy allusions to other media as part of storytelling you will not like this, but they work it out well. There's a commitment to interesting storytelling that follows well into the next point, which is:

They are very good at getting into characters motivations. Clementine Kesh is despicable, she is terrible, and she's the central focal point of a huge run of Partizan. Hella Varal of the Hieron series is also a spectacularly character-driven entity, frequently a major driving force of the plot, doing things none of the players would really want to have happen. This also applies to Lem King, to an extent.

After catching up with Partizan I went back and I've been running through the backlog. I am almost caught up to Twilight Mirage, I might step out to listen to the current season since it follows directly from Partizan. I'll see.

Reading:

Without a doubt the big one this year was Terra Ignota. Absolutely lodged in my brain forever.

Terra Ignota is like the flipside of the Culture. The Culture assumes that its members are so far gone from their humanity that their utopian issues are almost incomparable to ours. The Hives are instead a utopian society built on a hard break from modernity that has left them very, very vulnerable to our modern problems. The approach Terra Ignota takes to gender, nationality, and family is set up to argue a very interesting case, not that those things cannot be changed, but that you can't just go cold turkey on them.

(The Gender is particularly forceful. Mycroft's haphazard attempts to reverse-engineer gender for his imagined Reader are so good, they perfectly replicate the internal experience of going to a very very queer environment with a brain that was still ultimately wired by the recent past.)

The actual plot of Terra Ignota is kind of secondary to the spectacle of all these Types Of Guys interacting and exposing their internal processes in a way that is so satisfying. The Hives are unusual in part because there's so few that probably appeal to the readers. I don't think pretty much any of Terra Ignota's expected audience have much interest in the Europeans, Masons, or the Mitsubishi, and while some of them might agree with the Brillists they are given so little screen time that it's hard to say. Really it ends up being the Humanist/Utopian debate at its core, with the Cousins there to balance it. As a result it's impressive that by the end I think most people I've talked to are less sure whether they agree more with the Humanists or the Utopians.

Watching:

Arcane, a one that I don't think I talk about too much, in part because it's so tidy. A perfectly wrapped gift of tragedy! Any story where at almost any point a few characters could just talk it out and resolve all their problems but they don't is *chef's kiss* to me. If you like Othello you will love Arcane is what I'm getting at here.

Arcane is such a gorgeous show, dripping with character, every single scene is so carefully considered. There's an extremely long (in time) close shot of Jayce throwing up over a bridge that I think of all the time.

Arcane is so clear and uncompromising in its presentation of its characters. I've said before that there's actually very little character development among any of the main cast, instead the show builds on bringing very strongly defined characters into conflict and exploring what they do next. This works wonderfully.

And the music! I have probably listened to the Arcane soundtrack a little too much. Basically the only time I went on spotify this year was to look at the Radio channels for songs from the soundtrack.

Playing:

Given that I spent so long playing Breath of the WIld this year you'd think it would be that and you'd be dead wrong. Not that great! It's fine! I like an immersive sim open world game but do you know what I actually do when I feel like I want to play a game just for the pure thrill of it. I go open TItanfall 2.

Titanfall 2 is the ideal first person shooter campaign. It is short and sweet and interesting and manages to keep you sufficiently overpowered without making you feel like it's easy. I played the campaign on Hard at the start of the year and it is the shooter I remember shooters I don't actually like as being.

The reason I play first person shooters is for the fast reaction twitch play. I do not care for long kill times, I do not care for gradually plinking enemies down, I do not want to think about a target for more than 5 seconds. Titanfall is absurdly fast if you play it right, you never stop, you optimize for shooting on the run, and you bounce around the field like a pinball. Delightful.

Titan Combat in the campaign is meh, it's so often just a slog against artificially toughened bosses, or figuring out how to deal with those little AI bots. It's fine. I like being a big robot. Titans are probably better in multiplayer. At some point I will install Northstar so I can try multiplayer lobbies.

Tools and Equipment:

The 3D printer! I have been in the orbit of 3D printing types for ages but now that I have one I can see why its an essential tool for so many electronics types. The ability to just Make The Thing You Need is so powerful. Printed items have their limitations but they all pale in relation to "I hit a button and the exact thing I need appears in 2-12 hours".

So many projects stall out because you need a bracket or an adapter or a flange or a box that you know all the specifications for but that will take two weeks to arrive or has to be ordered in batches of 200 or costs 10× as much as you're willing to pay.

My printer is cheap as shit, the Anycubic Neo cuts as many costs as possible without being actively bad, and it's still a great printer. It can do anything I need well enough that I can carry on with the rest of my life. It has the precision to do slip fit parts and even basic materials have the strength for fairly crucial components.

Like, sure, you can make a lot of these things quickly by hand if you have the parts available, but like, even if somehow all your problems can be solved by cutting a PVC pipe to the right size and shape, do you keep all possible dimensions of PVC pipe in a drawer somewhere? No, you run into a problem that needs 60mm pipe and you only have 50mm pipe and now you gotta go to the hardware store and buy 2m of pipe for a project that needs 0.2m of pipe. It is such a problem-solver to be able to fabricate arbitrary complex shapes from plastic stock.

Making:

The big one. The Penrose Quilt.

This took months for me and my mother to put together, and it came out exactly like we hoped. It's so good, it looks incredible, we put it together by hand with needles and thread and time, I sleep under it every night, it is the ideal item. Few things to build your handsewing confidence like backstitching probably over a hundred meters of seams.

This was a really ambitious project and yet we pulled it off. Absolutely ridiculous.

[groovesnjams]

2 / 50

"Not Strong Enough" by boygenius

MG:

Writing about boygenius, at this point, feels impossible. I have an urge to defend them, to shout down some anonymous but not entirely imagined comment section* (it felt like everywhere I turned on the internet just fucking hated this group and it always always always boiled down to some projected misogyny) and a world that just couldn’t…quite…admit this was the greatest song of the year. Even in the places where boygenius unequivocally ruled there was this little whiff of embarrassment like they’re great but, ok, not that great. Well, they are that great! They don’t have to do something wholly original or reflect everyone’s personal identity back to them to be great! 

But we don’t need more of that, it’s a stupid feedback loop, I have to be the change I want to see in the world and that change is to write about this song without defending it! To do that, however, would not be entirely honest because, to be entirely honest, I was very much that person I outlined above for most of the year. I put “A&W” at the top of my dopey playlist and felt very vibey about it and even had a period where I got into Father John Misty a little bit because that made sense. And then when it got closer to calling it, as I was listening through that playlist a whole bunch to make cuts and remember things I’d forgotten, I listened to “Not Strong Enough” for the first time on headphones and it fucking ripped. It ripped my brain right open! This song is gorgeously produced, full of rich instrumentation that colors neatly in-between the wavy lines of the storytelling. It’s the kind of thing I want to choreograph a dance to, I want it to soundtrack a movie about an aimless, broken person who surrenders to life’s enduring beauty and awakens to their own possibility, I want to watch a music video where boygenius play in a barn with vaulted ceilings. Every detail of this song feels so specific and fully realized that I can’t help but play along. It speaks to some half-remembered, half-imagined past but it’s also coming to, in the front seat, still happening, still going somewhere. 

I get it, what I said about Chappell Roan, about being unlikable and thus lovable, applies here, too. I can’t make you like this song, it is unlikable and it got better every time I heard it (a lot, it was blessed and highly favored by Sirius XMU, who chose to make Mitski’s TikTok hit “My Love, Mine All Mine” their song of the year) and I love “Not Strong Enough.” It is my favorite song of the year.

*(To my complete and total amusement, shortly after I finished my first draft of this post, the comment section I was thinking of voted "Not Strong Enough" their song of the year. I'm not sure if there's a significant disconnect between commenting members and voting members or if I'm a woman of the people, charting the course of lukewarm acceptance to full on wholehearted embrace of this song. But, either way, good for all of us!)

DV:

Wow it's really tough to talk about "Not Strong Enough" without talking about boygenius and parasociality and fandom in 2023, huh? This may also be true of a lot of this year's list, but with the rest of the lot it's relatively easy to find other angles into the song. With boygenius the angles all lead back to the band, their dynamic, their process, their relationships. It's a little gauche isn't it? I don't feel like boygenius meant for the story of their 2023 to be about themselves but here they are at the end of the year where they went viral for Halloween costumes and they're winning gendered awards like Ron Swanson from Parks & Recreation, and we just have to hope things age better in reality than in fiction. But also, boygenius made "Not Strong Enough", which some days felt like it might actually be my favorite song of the year (a distinction shared by many others on this list, but one this song got more than most.) It's a song built out of climaxes, rolling and building, with hooks to spare and a secret weapon in the drummer, whose name is weirdly difficult to find but whose fills do more to make the song than even the jangliest guitar. So on one hand, I know more about this band's lore than I do about any other artist who I can't name a second song by. But on the other: "Not Strong Enough" is straightforwardly a gorgeous, propulsive power pop banger, delivered beautifully. When you have a Lucy Dacus and can hold her in reserve for a climax like this one, taking fully a minute and a half but never losing momentum, you're simply operating at a level that few other artists are capable of.

[hanmi-xo]

Our Ballad | (SVT Joshua x You)

M A I N | O N E S H O T S | S M U T | S C E N A R I O S

-------------------------------

Status: Complete Post Status: Nov. 13, 2023 Pairing: SVT Joshua x You Genre: Angst, Romance, SMAU, One Shot Word Count: 900 Themes: Moving On, Unrequited Love

Note: This is a work of fanfiction. Please respect the real Hong Jisoo/ Joshua Hong Thank you for reading~

Synopsis:

Sometimes a spark doesn't always lead to a flame. He was a song that she never finished listening to. Even seeing him on his special day was difficult to breathe.

You were the reason for our beginning, but you were also the reason for our end. If loving you was going to leave a scar, then I wouldn't have let you in.

I remember how it all happened. The memory of us was like a song I couldn't stop playing.

You reached out towards me. You were everything I thought I wanted, but I wasn't what you needed. It's strange the more I think about it.

Were you the one that chased me or was I the one that followed after you? What happened before? Do you remember?

Do you remember what lead us together? Do you remember the clouds that filled the sky before the rain pour?

We were only in high school, but it felt like I knew you forever ago.

You held your hand out to me after I fell to the ground. I remember that look you had. The way your eyes widened with wonder and concern while your curled lips turned to a gasp.

It was embarrassing but I remember it.

You stuck by my side since then. Maybe it was because of our classes that destined us together, or maybe it was the fact that we couldn't ignore each other. All I remember was the way you'd pass notes to me in class and we would often get into trouble.

You'd goof around with me during detention and even when we had disciplinary exercises.

You could never stay up against the wall like I could and I could never hold that many books on my hands like you did. You were the memory that stayed with me, but your notes is what left your trail.

It was the highlight of my day whenever I would go home and find your random note in my backpack.

You always did let your presence be known with your signature smile with a musical note at the end of each one. You loved the reactions I would give you, and I would always love your attention.

You were a melody I couldn't stop humming. A song that I always wanted to sing but could never be sung.

You were my first love and you were my best friend.

You were always kind to me. You were always sweet. You did everything you can to make me happy.

But even so, it didn't mean you loved me.

Or rather, you didn't love me the way I wanted you to.

When I met you outside of school to watch a movie, you seemed nervous. I asked you to come along in hopes I would see a different side of you that day, but I saw more than I wanted.

And I heard a pitch change in the melody.

When you walked me home, that's when I heard the truth.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to lead you on..."

Your words were slow yet sharp. It was like I was impaled by a knife into my chest or being eaten alive by a monster. I shouldn't have expected more, but I did.

You stopped the tune that I wanted to listen to. What I thought was a ballad was just the blues.

I shouldn't have thought someone like you would love someone like me.

I was bitter when we went separate ways. Even more bitter knowing I won't find anyone like you. But I wasn't bitter enough to hate you. Nor was I bitter enough to take my own life.

But you did.

You weren't there for my birthday.

You weren't there for our graduation.

And you weren't there when you said you'd see me one last time before you'd go.

You never said where. You never said when.

All I remember was your message that you left. You wrote it as if you were going away and you'd see me far from now.

I remember the way your words were written like a poem. It was playful yet dejected. I wish you told me what was going on with you. I wish you told me what happened outside of school.

Outside of our safe haven.

But all I have is your message. All I have is this poem that just reminds me of your absence.

It's not fair. It's not fair that you could leave me like that while I was stuck in the darkness hoping you'd come back.

I have so many questions, but I know you won't answer them.

How could you when you're already gone?

Your mom was there you know? Your mom was there at your funeral. You looked just like her, but she didn't have that melody.

She was cold.

You never talked about her or about your father. He wasn't there. Did he know or did she not tell him?

Or did you not want him to be there?

I wish you told me your story.

I wish you told me all your flaws so I knew the process of your tune. The melody and notes I always listened and hummed to were cut short.

You ended it too soon.

And I know I'll never hear it again.

• • •

End | Thank you for reading <3

Extra:

[sarilolla]

*looks at my three main Trolls aus (and the other not posted ones)*

Damn this creatures going through the horrors

Anyway, I’m bored and made the mistake of listening to SCP readings before bed (again), so feel free to send me asks about my aus! Different Beat, Experiment Pop, and Hanahaki Branch plus the ones I haven’t posted about or have only mentioned, I'm hopeful for questions about any of them :)

Other asks and headcanon asks are open too! Don’t need to be about an au, I just have a need to ramble rn

Just a warning, some of these are dark and slightly (or very) gruesome and few or none are completely happy (I'm so sorry Trolls, I love you)

I’m sorry, these creatures have infected my brain and the only way to get them out is angst, misery and pain

Small descriptions of each au:

Different Beat: Featuring my main oc Juniper, Poppy’s older cousin, this is an au where the Pop Trolls distance themselves from Troll Kingdom after escaping the tree. King Peppy is dead, Viva is gone, so Poppy is queen at age 5 as Juniper is String Keeper (the position is separate to ensure survival of their tribe and their music under the Bergens). Current point in timeline: 10 years after the escape, the royal cousins plus Branch, Cooper, and a new friend Jackie (oc) is on their way to Vibe City

Experiment Pop (Warning: Will become darker after a while): Tired of the flavors of the Trolls, the Bergens experimented on them. The Pop Trolls became twisted and odd, gaining new powers in the process. Being grey makes Branch’s powers go haywire, and Poppy is keeping a secret about hers. Current point in timeline: Just after the failed 20th anniversary of freedom party, Chef captured no Trolls (ORIGINAL STORY IDEA THAT HAS BEEN POSTED NO LONGER FULLY APPLIES! Big changes have been made to add more angst and also incorporate some new headcanons and the Trolls 3 characters)

Hanahaki Branch (Warning: Will involve death and other semi-dark topics, as explored in my ficlets): Despite being left behind by his brothers, Branch still loves them. They were his everything in the beginning, and that love manifested in flowers blossoming inside his lungs. He gets a support system in Poppy, the Snack Pack and Kismet, but will he survive when his brothers are nowhere to be found? Current point in timeline: Start of the first movie, Poppy and Branch agreeing to go together to Bergen Town

Then there’s the little mentioned or not posted ones

Viva has the Pop String: Escaping Bergen Town came with a huge loss, not just with the Trolls left behind, but the potential of their entire genre disappearing. Peppy still has to build up a village and raise his daughter, but the loss of the oldest and their music (arguably their most powerful weapon), weighs heavy on him. When the World Tour rock-and-rolls around, how will things work out? Potential WIP, might be worked on after one or more fics have been finished

Product Pop (Warning: Dark stuff. Trolls are seen as livestock/slaves. This au is NOT kind to them, and I don’t see a happy ending for it. (Made after the second movie came out)): The Pop Trolls escape but they’re few, and things aren’t stable for a long time. Branch and Cooper leave after 10 years, longing for a place where they will fit in better (Cooper in Funk, and Branch in Rock (his mother is a Rock Troll in most of my aus)). King Peppy is sick, and dies, leaving Poppy to rule at just age twelve. Not a year later and they’re found by a species called Elves, specifically by a woman named Lilith Silvertongue. Just as awful as the Bergens but greedier, she takes the entire village and finds a way to extract their essence without killing them, turning them into livestock for her candy she sells to other giant species. She keeps Poppy as a pet and the mascot of her brand, her little songbird, and takes the Pop String too. When she discovers there’s more Trolls out there with potentially different flavors, well, she will find them, even if she has to force Poppy to become a traitor to her species. Technically a WIP, but it needs polish before I will post anything “official”

Pop World Tour: (After the second movie, other genres taking over became a popular trope, so I’m piggybacking on that but with Trolls 3 characters too) The first movie didn’t end on a happy note, and around half of Pop Village was lost. Poppy has the Pop String, and searches old records about its history. That’s also when she finds out she has a sister and potentially more people out there. Obviously, she needs to reunite them. She needs to reunite them all! With her fiance Branch there’s nothing they can’t do! Viva is skeptical of her baby sister’s plan, instead wanting to offer sanctuary to the surviving Pop Trolls. Poppy is not happy about that, and uses the Pop String to hypnotize the Putt Putt Trolls to help them take over. Clay escapes after a tense confrontation with his baby brother, and has to find the rest of his brothers to see if the Perfect Family Harmony can snap his people out of their current state. With Pop and Putt Putt Village combined, Poppy sets off with her love and her sister to reunite all of Trollkind in a place out of range of any and all giant species who might harm them (having heard rumors of Mount Rageous). Will Poppy succeed in her plan? Will Cooper accept finding his biological family (Poppy promised him they wouldn’t be hurt)? Will Branch come to his senses and help his brothers? Will Brozone manage to unite, perhaps with new friends, against their own tribe? Potential WIP

[an-aroaces-harem]

Ivy Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: I just deepl and google translated my way through this because I wanted to know what’s going on, so there are definitely mistakes but I believe I managed the general gist of the story. Anyway, it’s just a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes. Morganatic Idol belongs to Cybird and ABC Frontier, Inc.

Rina: That's it.

I finished cleaning the room and exhaled.

(I've been able to get it done in a lot less time than in the beginning.)

This is thanks to time I have spent helping Ivy-san.

As soon as I think of that ... what happened at that meeting a few days ago comes to my mind again.

--flashback--

Ivy: We get along, sure, but it isn’t like that.

Ivy: Kawanaga-san thinks of me like a big brother.

Ivy: For me, she’s like a cute little sister.

--flashback end--

Rina: ... like a sister

(Not so long ago, I didn't mind being treated like that by Ivy-san.)

In fact, I was even glad to be familiar with him.

And yet, now that I'm aware of my feelings for him, it hurts so much.

(... stop. It's no use thinking about it. I need to focus on what I can do instead.)

I shake my head to shake off the sinking feeling.

(Well, I'll have to look into exe again today.)

(I've been spending a lot of time helping out for a while now and haven't gotten around to doing the research for the presentation ...)

With that in mind, I was looking for materials and found a CD stuffed into a box at the back of a shelf.

It appears to be a CD with sound data burned into it, and the title is written on the label of the case.

(It doesn't seem to be the name of an exe song. Let's give it a listen.)

I'm also allowed to use the room's audio when researching.

I immediately started playing it, and what I heard was Ivy-san's singing voice.

The direction is completely different from the cool, tension-filled songs of today's exe.

(But it's warm and gentle and fits Ivy-san's voice tremendously. It's a lovely song.)

... As I was listening to the music, the door of the room suddenly opened.

I turned around to see if Ivy-san had returned.

Hitaki-san was there.

Hitaki: Hey, you were there too.

Rina: Is there a problem, Hitaki-san?

Hitaki: I'm here to borrow some materials. Ivy-san told me it's fine.

When Hitaki-san entered the room, he seemed to notice the music playing in the room.

Hitaki: ... Oh, I know I've heard this somewhere before. This is an R2R song.

'R2R' ... I remember when I looked up exe during the presentation, that name came up.

Rina: I think that's the music unit that Ivy-san had before exe, isn't it?

Hitaki: Yes, it was a unit formed by Ivy-san and Eito-san. This is a hit song from that time.

Hitaki: I'm sure it quite well domestically, but by the looks of it, you don't know?

Rina: Yes ... I wasn't really into music.

Rina: I've only seen a few names when I looked up exe, but I don't know much about it.

Hitaki: If you're interested, I can tell you what I know.

Rina: I'd love to!

Hitaki: That's quite a quick answer. Do you want to know so much about Ivy-san?

Rina: What!? That's not why ...

Hitaki: Hmm, just kidding.

Hitaki: As I mentioned earlier, R2R is a duo unit consisting of Eito-san and Ivy-san.

Hitaki: He was very popular among young people because of his consistent singing ability and high level of music.

Rina: Certainly, it's a great song, too.

Rina: The atmosphere is quite different from that of today's exe.

Hitaki: R2R's songs are more melody-driven than exe's songs which are more rhythm-driven.

Hitaki: I heard that Ivy-san is writing the music now, but back then he and Eito-san were working on it together.

Hitaki: I guess the unit changed, and so did his musicality.

(I see what you mean. Maybe that's one of those things ...)

Hitaki: R2R was expected to go global, but ... the results didn't go well.

Hitaki: No matter how popular they were in Japan, they weren't accepted overseas.

Rina: ... I see.

(It's a really tough world ... after all those great songs.)

Hitaki: That's why Eito-san used his experience to start Aero Light Productions.

Hitaki: He's trying to raise the bar in the japanese music industry and create a group that can compete on a global level.

Rina: I see ...

I had heard that Sakura-san was a former musician, but I had no idea he had such deep thoughts.

And I didn't know that Ivy-san had a bitter experience of losing in front of the world's wall.

(Somehow I find that hard to believe, even though Ivy-san is now very active as an exe member.)

(I'm sure it must have been very frustrating and painful ...)

Hitaki: ... what are you thinking about? Maybe about Ivy-san?

Rina: Yes ... it is truly amazing that he has overcome so many setbacks and is doing so well.

Rina: I can't even imagine how much effort he had to put in to acquire the skills necessary to compete on the world stage.

Hitaki: That's right ... fufu, you're really all about Ivy-san. I'm a little jealous.

Rina: Eh?

Then I finally realized that Hitaki-san and I were getting awfully close.

Rina: U-uh ...?

Hitaki: Ah, sorry. I just thought it was kind of cute how you were trying so hard to care for Ivy-san.

Hitaki: I'd like to get a better look at that face.

With a sweet smile, Hitaki-san peeked at me.

Rina: I don't think I'm cute ...

(So close to my face ...!)

As I try to keep my distance, a large palm is placed on my shoulder.

Hitaki: Don't run away. I just want to talk to you more.

My resistance was suppressed and I was pulled towards Hitaki-san with a strong force.

Rina: Talk to me about what?

Hitaki: Remember what I said at our meeting the other day, that I wanted you to help me with Gem, not exe?

Rina: I remember. But I turned that down at the time, didn't I?

As I tried to turn away from his approaching face, Hitaki-san's palm gently touched my cheek.

The coolness of the air makes me shiver.

Hitaki: Would you please think about it again? I just can't give up.

Rina: Why are you so ...? I don't think Gem needs me.

Hitaki: You underestimate yourself. Your power is a wonderful thing.

Hitaki: In fact, the exe members were happy to see how well you did, weren't they?

Rina: B-but I ...

Hitaki: I know. You did your best for Ivy-san.

Hitaki: What's so special about Ivy-san?

Rina: !!

I froze at his words and looked up at him, stunned. Hitaki-san's smile deepened as his eyes seemed to see through everything.

Hitaki: ... you think of him like a big brother? I know you can count on him to be kind to you.

Rina: Y-yes ... I ...

... I feel like I have to affirm it, but my voice is stuck in my throat and won't come out.

Hitaki: Ivy-san also said that he thinks of you as a sister.

Rina: ...

Hitaki: It's a wonderful relationship, isn't it? ... But, really, is that enough for you?

Hitaki-san's hand was holding my shoulder, but before I knew it, it was around my waist.

A palm slides across my cheek, making me look up as I try to turn away.

Rina: Please let go of me ...

Hitaki: ... You should go to Gem. It would make you happier.

He was drawing closer.

Hitaki: I value your ability and would be willing to do great work with you if you would become a Gem exclusive.

Hitaki: I know we will be irreplaceable partners, both publicly and privately.

Rina: But I'm ...

Hitaki: And I don't think you're a little sister. You're very pretty and attractive woman who can be desperate for someone.

Hitaki: I'm not going to make you feel lonely by treating you like a child.

Rina: ...

The gently whispered words seemed to contain some kind of magical power.

Just as Hitaki-san's air was about to consume me ... the door to the room opened.

Ivy: Kawanaga-san ... and Hitaki?

When Ivy-san comes into the room, his eyes widen and he looks at me and Hitaki-san.

Rina: Ivy-san ...

My head cooled down at once. Quickly, I shake off Hitaki-san's hand and move away.

Rina: ...

I felt like I had to say something, but I was to upset to speak.

Ivy: ... You look pale. Calm down.

Seeing me, he lowered his eyebrows in concern.

(What should I do? I can't believe Ivy-san saw me in that position ...!)

Hitaki: Welcome back, Ivy-san. You're back earlier than I expected.

Ivy: I got the job done smoothly.

Ivy: I know Kawanaga-san is cleaning ... but what are you doing here?

Hitaki: I came to borrow some materials. Then I ran into her by chance and we had a little chat.

Hitaki: Right?

Rina: Y-yes ...

That's certainly not wrong.

But after being so close to him like that, and after he whispered those words to me ... I felt guilty for some reason.

(I know you saw me earlier, Ivy-san. I hope he didn't think I was weird.)

(Or do you think I'm just like a little sister and don't care ...?)

I can't look at Ivy-san's face.

What Hitaki-san said to me earlier is going through my mind.

Rina: ... and I'm done cleaning for the day.

Rina: Excuse me!

I was so frustrated that I ran away from the place.

Hitaki: Oh, she got away. Fufu ... She's really funny.

Hitaki: She's as honest as a puppy. Her expression changes from one moment to the next, and she's easy to read.

Hitaki: I can see why Ivy-san adores her.

Ivy: Hitaki ... Don't mess with Kawanaga-san as a joke.

Ivy: She's so pure. She's working so hard in an environment she's not used to.

Hitaki: I'm not kidding ...

Hitaki: Does that mean I can ask you a question if I'm not joking?

Ivy: What?

Hitaki: As she's a housekeeper, you're in charge of her, and you spend the most time together.

Hitaki: My connection to her is certainly tenous by comparison.

Ivy: Ah. So get to the point ...

Hitaki: But that doesn't matter. I like her.

Ivy: What did you say?

Hitaki: I recognize her abilities and understand her feelings ... much more than you do.

Ivy: ... What does that mean?

Hitaki: I mean it as it is ... If you're going to be like that forever, I'll take her.

Ivy: ...

Hitaki: ... Sometimes the most precious things that we take for granted can suddenly disappear one day.

Hitaki: Please be careful.

Ivy: !

Hitaki: ... then I'll be off. Excuse me.

Aloof, Hitaki walked out of the room.

The remaining Ivy stands alone, wide-eyed and stunned.

Ivy: ... The important things we take for granted will cease to be ...

He mutters in a small voice and turns around.

Ivy: ...

What are those eyes, shaking with pain, reflecting?

No one else knew about it.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Holy Ground | Hallowed Bodies Update #1

LONAN CLARK ERA LONAN CLARK ERA!! Welcome to instalment 1 of the Hallowed Bodies updates! :) HB is a literary fiction novella I finished in August (WIP intro) and a companion to BODY BACK.

Let's talk about magical beginnings, how life impacts writing, grieving potentials, & Lonan's internality!

Update under the cut!

Logline: When his girlfriend leaves to travel, Lonan carries out his typical daily routine which includes visiting a church and walking a strange route home.

Hallowed Bodies taglist (pls ask to be +/-):

@subtlefires @dallonwrites @saintedseraph @cream-and-tea @rownanisntwriting @euphoniouspandemonium @iwannawritepls @thefruitonyourfly @olive-riggzey @silassghost @thelivingdeceased

Beginnings & more beginnings

When I got the original idea for Hallowed Bodies, it was March and I was on the other side of the country at the intersection in front of my old apartment building. It was raining on my walk home from a journalism class and I was listening to My Dying Spirit by Greyson Chance when I had the thought... "okay if Harrison is alone in Las Vegas in BODY BACK, that must mean LONAN is also alone for a while in Las Vegas--so what's he doing?"

For about two days, I was really consumed with the idea of what this book *could* be--eerie church imagery, a contemplation of faith, an exploration of Lonan's relationship with his dead mother. Then time passed, I moved, life got weird, I finished BODY BACK, and by the time I got back to HB, something in me had changed.

When life changes writing & grieving potentials

I've given that preamble because HB didn't turn into the thing I thought it would turn into on that initial walk back home. I think there's sometimes a tendency in writing advice spaces to be so blasé about how life circumstances impact writing. I don't think there was any possible way June 2023 me could've written the Hallowed Bodies I'd dreamt up back in March 2023. I changed SO much despite staying fundamentally the same and the idea also had to change because *I'm* the one writing it.

With that said, sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I stayed exactly where I was in the spring (which is an extremely Lonan and Harrison-core thing to consider LOL). In a way, a big part of writing this book was grieving what it could've been. I still have a distinct vibe of the early vision which is very similar but adjacent nonetheless to what I actually wrote. I think that's what made writing this project so hard because I didn't understand what I wanted from it--March me was conflicting with June me and in the end, what we got was a mixture of both!

A positive start... for now!!!

I've always heard of writers talk about "shiny new idea syndrome" but I never really understood it. However, drafting Holy Ground completely clarified what shiny new idea syndrome even is which left me feeling perhaps overly confident (honestly which I'm grateful for because I didn't feel that way again until the last chapter LOLLL).

I drafted the first paragraph of this book back in April, and the rest of it only took a day or two in June. It's very short (for me) at 1500 words and illuminated two structural elements for HB: short chapters and "vignette"-like scenes.

Inspiration & vibes:

Okay so SORRY if you already know this but Greyson Chance got me unwise & his music video for My Dying Spirit is MY FAVOURITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. I always thought of MDS as a really solid Lonan song, but the music video's Catholic imagery had me spiraling MORE. I basically wanted to recreate the vibes of that video in the form of a book.

We were really going for THIS as the vibe (from the video)!

Hallowed Bodies as Antithesis

One of the first things I knew about HB was that I wanted it to be a mirror of BODY BACK. I wanted to see how Lonan got to be a better person BEFORE FH in contrast to how Harrison becomes a worse person before FH. Thinking of Hallowed Bodies as the antithesis of BB is really fascinating to me! If BB is loud, HB is quiet. If BB is maximalist, HB is minimalist (as much as I could help it haha).

Internal narratives as a trap

Something I LOVE about this project in general is that it's SO internal. I don't think I've ever been so deeply rooted in Lonan's voice before, but Hallowed Bodies as a project warrants intimacy. Lonan's alone for a week in Las Vegas basically doing nothing, which is a precursor to Feeding Habits (the novel that comes after this) where he's really "settled" into being a completely subordinate person in his own life.

I wanted to use internality as a means to make the narrative feel confined, like Lonan does. Because of that, I focused on adding a LOT of descriptions that directly reflect Lonan's desires and internal conflicts (the excerpt with the couple reflects this the most). What he notices is EXTREMELY important. What do his observations reveal about him?

Listlessness and Lonan

Something that became clear to me early in the drafting process is that Lonan is soooo listless. Like direction? Drive? Passion? He has NOTHINGGGG. He's really living a settled, "domestic" life, and he clearly can't handle it. This is setup for Feeding Habits so it's not as intense as it is there, but this man is BORED and ready to romanticize ANYTHING for some serotonin. This is critical setup for later when we meet "the man" (whose name for efficiency's sake is Dallas bc he looks like Matt Dillon in The Outsiders <3 that was the reason <3).

HB is a really transitional project for Lonan. He comes off Moth Work a better person to others but not quite a better person to himself. We get to see him crave gentleness a LOT in HB, a feeling that seems so foreign to him, which I think also contributes to his feeling of displacement. In a way, it was also transitional for me--it's the first thing I've written in full as a graduate!

The plot

CW: religious trauma (Catholicism)

Scene A:

In a church, Lonan recalls a memory of him and his father praying.

Scene B:

Lonan starts his walk home, aware the route is nonsensical.

Scene C:

Lonan recalls the last time he saw Eliza before she left for her week-long trip.

Scene D:

Lonan considers Las Vegas' warm autumn.

Scene E:

In memory, Eliza finds Lonan's father's rosary in her apartment.

Excerpts:

The first "scene" (aka vignette). This is one of my favourite openings EVER!!! It's just Hallowed Bodies core!

Lonan doesn’t pray anymore. At least not the way he used to. As a child, he and his father prayed everywhere: begging for forgiveness at Crater Lake, repenting in line for an oil change, supplicating in a windstorm. On Sundays, they’d wake before dawn and nestle in front of the bathroom mirror, recite the first chapter of Genesis, Paul’s letters to Timothy, Psalm 22. Lonan preferred the Apostle’s Creed. He’d watch his young mouth repeat I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, and he did believe. After hours of this, sunlight misting the open window, mass a half hour away, their lips would be so numb they’d have to pinch them until they were bloody mouthed and ready, at last, for God. The truth is, Lonan believes in nothing now. He’s as fatherless as he is motherless as he is godless. This should be a good thing. But bowed against a pew, the church around him hollow like Jesus’ empty tomb, his eyes trained on the dangling crucifix ahead of him, he’s certain this is wrong. He needs a mentor, a shepherd, an idol. He needs someone to follow.

This is the second scene/vignette. Something I love here is that we can tell Lonan's a hopeless romantic lol. Like hey you're looking awfully fondly at that couple, why?? You want that?? You want love?? Also! If you read the recent Changing States excerpt, you'll notice I also mention a café in the arts district which is an easter egg to say Lonan and Jeremiah love the same café (they need to be friends):

He takes the long way home. The long way home entails cutting past a wedding chapel near Lewis until he nears a second wedding chapel by a dollar store. He then turns around and retraces his steps back to the church, then walks all the way to a café bakery in the arts district where he stands and watches patrons from across the street. A man always meets a woman. They swipe off milk foam mustaches, lean against each other to fill out a crossword. The sun sometimes hits their faces and pales their eyes till they’re transparent like vapour. They never walk out together. He leaves the moment the first one goes, then continues back to the church where he finally walks ten minutes to Eliza’s place. The walk takes over an hour. It’s inefficient. Nonsensical. He makes this route every day.

This is just such a typical Lonan and Eliza interaction:

She’d left groceries in the fridge—no need to go shopping—and if he wanted, she’d also left a fifty-dollar bill on the counter for takeout. As he stared at the ceiling, she kissed him and complained about her mother’s plans to go horseback riding that coming weekend. “I know what a horse looks like,” she said, then explained they’d also be touring Stowe with a gaudy tourism agency. “She’s exhausting me already.” She sighed, having gone completely still. Lonan didn’t notice until she took his face with her hand, squishing his jaw, and asked “Are you okay?” An hour later, she was gone with a pre-packed suitcase, and he was still lying in bed wondering if she’d been there at all, if he’d been there at all, if in actuality they were both dead, or at the very least, both ghosts.

Do you fear bodies of water to the point where you practice holding your breath in full sinks so if you're ever close to drowning at least you're prepared:

It’s September in Las Vegas. The asters that grow outside Eliza’s apartment building have started to bloom, shockingly purple. The severe summer heat has barely faded, weather Lonan isn’t used to. Sometimes he crouches right in front of Eliza’s oscillating fan so it blows right in his face. At other times he ruffles up the freezer until he finds something suitable to drape on his forehead—a bag of peas, a Ziploc of homemade perogies, a hard plastic ice pack Eliza almost always forgets to return after work. Though sometimes, he cranks the bathroom sink all the way to cold and fills it up, sticks his face in there like it’s nothing, waits there for what feels like a few hours.

Lonan examining how fucking weird dating Eliza is lol:

Eliza doesn’t know about his visits to the church. He started his daily trips about two weeks back, ensuring he got home before she did from a shift. As they ate canned beef stew on the couch, as she spoke to him about an irritating coworker, as she rested her hand on his elbow then looked at her bedroom door, he kept this secret from her. He’s not sure why. He knows he doesn’t have to. Eliza already knows his father was devout to something—on the last day of August, she rummaged through a filing cabinet in her bedroom and pulled out a bronze rosary. Lonan didn’t need to look at it to know who it belonged to. He’d learned to identify it by scent alone. “That’s your dad’s,” she said, something sober in her voice. She was essentially providing him a confession—a crime she unknowingly participated in. The rosary dangled like fuzzy dice from a rear-view mirror. When he didn’t move from where he leaned in the doorway, she stood and pocketed it. “I didn’t know. He gave it to me when…” Her voice trailed off when she realized he still hadn’t reacted. What had she expected from him? He’s not wholly illogical—he’d accepted that his father had likely given her things and that she’d kept them. They’d dated. That was normal.

^^ (IS IT NORMAL THO I COULD WRITE A TAG ESSAY ON THIS)

Eliza backtracks (CW: implied abuse, blood mention):

Eliza promised she’d go through all her things—make sure she didn’t have anything else “from Jason.” Hearing his father’s name said aloud like that was a normal thing felt even stranger than having his rosary. Lonan took a step back that was really more a stagger; he narrowly caught himself on the bedroom doorframe. His cheeks were hot—with embarrassment, but also tears, and the tears worsened the embarrassment which worsened the tears. He couldn’t explain to her that when he was too young to memorize a phone number, that rosary had been wrapped around his hand till his fingers turned blue. Or that one silty night, he’d clutched the cross so tight under his pillow that his palms bled. “Sorry,” he said, pawing at his eyes.

The aftermath of that scene:

In the end, he sat on the balcony, silently crying as he stared out over the city. He tried to think of ways to reverse time—perhaps if he pretended nothing happened, Eliza would too. They’d start the afternoon all over again, her kicking off her shoes at the front door, setting her purse down on the small dining table. “You want to grab dinner?” she would’ve shouted through the apartment, already fumbling for the coupons she’d tacked to the refrigerator, knowing he was listening to her. Instead, he stared at his trembling fist.

And the last paragraph of this chapter! (Lonan really said "I don't have thoughts stop bothering me")

He needs to eat something. There’s raw celery in the vegetable crisper. A new pack of whole wheat tortillas atop the toaster. It’s when he’s pulling them out to eat, the low static hum of a radio station left on gritting midair, that he realizes perhaps that’s exactly it—he can’t tell Eliza about the church. Not because she won’t care, but precisely because she will. She’d follow him every time he goes, ask what he was thinking of every time he bowed his head to pray. He doesn’t know what he thinks. Most of the time he isn’t thinking at all. But what he knows for certain is the church and his meandering walk, that couple in the café, the fact that one always leaves, are not just routine for him. This is his holy ground. Luminous, alive. Somewhere to flee, even when he’s not sure what he’s running from.

And that's it! I'm really excited to introduce y'all more officially to Hallowed Bodies! :) And because I vowed to make these updates feel more cozy, here's this Lonancore gif LOL:

[amethystina]

I was tagged by @a-very-fond-farewell! Thank you so much darling 💜

1. Last song: Shishen Take On the Challenge from The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity soundtrack (which I paid a small fortune to get my hands on so you bet I've been listening to it almost non-stop ever since. The music is SO FUCKING GOOD OKAY)

2. Favorite color: Purple — which I feel should come as a surprise to no one xD

3. Currently watching: The Killing Vote, because I apparently need more dramas where the Korean public is allowed to vote on whether or not to execute people. Quite enjoying it so far! The characters are a hoot xD And I'm curious to see what they do with the Kwon Seok Joo dude.

I also just started The Guest because I want to watch it before they remove it from Netflix but BOI. That's not one I'll be able to binge, that's for sure. Horror is great but also, well, terrifying x'D

Though, I must say, I might have to take a detour and rewatch the Along With the Gods movies. I've been meaning to do so for ages and seeing Kim Dong Wook in The Guest makes the urge even stronger. Because, let me tell you, I'm SO EAGER to rewatch the movies and observe the characters now that I've seen the twist at the end of the second movie. A twist I figured out before I actually reached the reveal, sure, but I don't think that's a bad thing? Like, for real, guys. The AUDIBLE GASP I let out when I realised what the twist was going to be and then got to sit there and see it slowly dawn on the other characters? BEAUTIFUL. And it CHANGES SO MUCH. Like, I need to rewatch them because so much of what I thought I knew is now a lie! Circumstances have changed! My initial analysis might be wrong! Characters I thought I knew are now completely different! I need to do more research! I NEED TO KNOW.

(This is what happens when your brain works like mine. And one day I might tell you all about why Kang Yo Han is such a fascinating character to me, because, let me tell you, I've rarely seen a character remain so solid in his characterisation even through the kind of reveals we're given in the drama. It's fucking SPECTACULAR)

4. Currently reading: Faust by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (I do it in bursts because it's not the kind of book I can just binge, okay? x'D), We Have Always Lived In the Castle by Shirley Jackson (I would have finished this LONG ago if it didn't give me so much anxiety (but in a good way?)) and Eld by Mats Strandberg and Sara Bergman Elfgren (though I should probably start over on this one since I was very distracted when I read the first chapter)

5. Last movie: No Regret, because why not dabble in older Korean LGBTQ+ content? It was a ride, that's for sure xD And the next movie will be The World to Come (also one I want to watch before it's removed from Netflix)

6. Sweet/spicy/savory: Either sweet or savoury — it depends on my mood, really.

7. Relationship status: Married! :D

8. Current obsession: I'm not sure if I have one right now? Though I am hoping to get back on track with that diorama thing soon. I've almost collected all the materials I need! I just need fake foliage (preferably red) and I'm going to try and buy that either tomorrow or on Saturday.

9. Last thing you googled? Why my phone kept taking only green photos. And everyone kept telling me I shouldn't have unlocked the bootloader (which I don't think can be done by accident and I sure as hell haven't done it intentionally) so in the end I just restarted it and now it works just fine xD

10. Selfie: I don't really take selfies but here's a cropped version of a drawing WIP of mine.

If you know, you know ;)

(... LOOK, the suspender-pulling had to happen eventually, okay?)

11. Currently working on: Chapter 5 of A New Dawn (Begins With Us) and, after that, it'll be either chapter 37 of Who Holds the Devil or maybe the sequel to Gravitational Pull which I'm STILL struggling to find the time to work on. I'm also working on, like, six different drawings simultaneously. Because why make things easy for myself?

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it! Tell me about yourself! :D

[rollercoasterwords]

genuinely thank you so much for writing thtf. it's my favourite thing to read in the whole world for so many reasons. like other than where it's obviously devastating (in SUCH a good way), idk it just makes me so happy

I think it's the first wip i followed from start to finish and I have to say that part of 2022 was not the greatest but yk, every few days there'd be a new chapter. and it was great.

I fucking love Dorcas talking about "a butterfly in the palm of your hand" it's changed the way I think so much. like you would not expect this from a fanfic lmao but it's pretty much exactly what I needed to hear at the time. living just to live, even if it's complete shit, not caring about what they're leaving behind. ch 42 (i think) where all they're doing is just washing the dishes but it's so special and they're listening to dawn storm is so important to me I love it SO much. fucking amazing.

ngl I don't really think there's anything I don't like. every character feels so right - regulus in particular sticks out to me, like there's such a good balance between him doing pretty bad things because he's not a particularly "good person" but also not being a complete dick. also I would die for marlene mckinnon and the way you write her is just so fucking good. the way she is just so alive to make up for her shorter life is so beautiful to me. I could ramble on for a very long time about everything in this fic but I dont want this to get too long lol

the music you put on the chapters is also really good like I'm pretty sure the first time I read it I didn't listen the music and then I reread it with the music and it was like a whole different experience

yeah i would've sent this earlier (like maybe a year ago) but looks like I put it off for a really long time lol

also - really love where atwmd is going rn I'm so excited for more chapters, i love Sirius Black etc etc

ahh thank u this is so sweet! i love hearing that thtf resonated w people it definitely feels like the fic kinda took on its own life & became a little philosophical journey that i was not entirely expecting lol. i think writing a story where i knew my main characters were going 2 die the whole time really made me contemplate like. ok what do i actually want 2 say abt death, and by way of that what do i wanna say abt life? bc like. as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife i didn't wanna write a story that says "well it's ok bc they can be happy in the afterlife" <3 bc like. that does not comfort me lol. & i also didn't wanna write a story that was like "it's ok bc there's gonna be a good future 4 others after them," bc i think life means something and matters even outside of futurity. i didn't wanna play into this narrative that u have 2 Do Something 2 make ur life meaningful by making sure u have an impact on the future, etc; i wanted 2 write abt life as meaningful outside of that. & i also specifically wanted 2 write abt life as something beautiful & meaningful even with the bad stuff mixed in, and even if death is abrupt and scary and painful and unwanted. like i purposely made both their deaths pretty brutal bc i personally find the idea of a "bad death" really scary! the idea of dying before ur ready, dying scared or alone or in pain or all three, etc...and i think part of why that's so scary is bc we place this big emphasis, again, on a linear timeline of life, where death is The End, and if The End is bad, then the story's a sad one. but death is just one moment in the sum total of billions of moments throughout your life; why should that bad cancel out all the good? why should a story be sad, just because the last page of it is sad? you can open the book to any page and find happiness, and love, and warmth, etc. & that's what i'm trying 2 say w "a story is not its end."

anyway. this got much longer than expected lol i love 2 ramble abt thtf but! again ty 4 the kind words glad u enjoyed the fic glad u enjoyed the music as well!! i love the playlist 4 that fic <3

[le-panda-chocovore]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "le-panda-chocovore "?

Oh I think I can actually answer that without rambling too much !! (<- took an entire week to answer the ask and select the fics, and I commented on each one of them lol) It won't be a Top in order of preference tho, there's no actual classment, it's just the ones I loved the most.

The Way I Behaved - EraserMic (MHA)

This fanfic gave me the inspiration to write my greatest work (still unfinished to this day) and literally changed so many things about me. It also made me discover a whole genre of music that I've never listened to before and with which I am entirely in love now. Prepare to cry tho, because this is deeply heartbreaking. It's a Villain Mic AU where Aizawa was never a teacher. And it is good.

What if Percy did become a God - Percy Jackson and the Olympians (based on the books !!! do not read if you just watched the show !!!)

The title says everything. This is not a happy story, you will cry, I promise. It's short, like a 1k word OS, it's really poetic, it's deep, it's beautiful, and also, it's painful. Humans were never meant to be gods, not even Percy. It's written like a poem, I read it so many times and it hurt me every time.

Demon and Angel Professors - Ineffable Spouses (Good Omens)

Not a fanfiction but a serie of short works about Crowley and Aziraphale and the people around them. A teachers AU very nice to read with many Original Characters (the students) who are all captivating and appreciable. The story is extremely queer-positive and neurodivergent inclusive and physical handicap representative, honestly, you want to read it. There's everything inside it. If you have chronic pain or if you're a closeted queer or even a curious ally who wants to understand their peers, this is what you need. The love is so pure it's overwhelming.

Honor and Vengeance on the High Sea - Zuko (ATLA)

Tbh this deserves to be published, it's a novel itself (I haven't finished it yet). The author reappropriated the Avatar universe to write something completely new. It's an AU where Zuko becomes a Pirate after his banishment and fights against the Fire Nation Navy, and eventually joins the Avatar's team. There's a whole work around internalized homophobia, the discovery of the self, acceptance, injustice, family trauma and everything. Original Characters are cool too. Chapters are long and very, very complete, you can see the author has historical and cultural knowledge.

Strength, the meaning of - Asano Gakuhou (Assassination Classroom)

I can't believe a fanfic about this total asshole made it to my top 10, but it is beautifully written. The progressive mental breakdown of a man who used to stand proud above everyone, the slow fall down to hell without even realizing it. There's also his son's POV here, which is equally beautifully written. I really hate the man and I don't like the fact that the end of AssClass completely disregard the consequences of what happened on the character's mental state, and reading how even him wasn't okay at all is very pleasant to read. That's karma my bitch.

Je suis assis - BokuAka (Haikyuu)

Yeah it's in french and on wattpad. It has been a while since I read it but I still remember the principal. It's a OS anyway so it's not very long (we didn't do that 20k words OS on Wattpad, this madness is only popular on AO3 lol). Since I'm sensitive to everything that is around handicap, it touched me. It ended up being cute and warm. Honestly I was more thinking of another BokuAka fanfiction but I couldn't remember the name nor found it online so I put this one.

25 - Riren (SnK)

Yeah yeah I know, pedo ship etc, but I was 14 and this is a High School AU where they're both 16 so, it's okay I guess. Yes the name of the fanfic is twenty-five. It's in french, it's on wattpad, and there's Eren's POV too. I don't know how I'm supposed to describe it... I think you have to read it, it's not actually strange or weird but, it's a whole experience.

Here there be dragons - Centennial Husbands (the Sandman)

This is the exact definition of love. What is love to me ? This fanfiction. Engagement, devotion, caring, this is it, this fanfic has the meaning of all these words. I had a hard time reading it because I hate ultra-long OS (I need CHAPTERS, give me a BREAK) but it was soooo enjoyable, and I was crying the whole time 'cause it's so pure and beautiful.

Palm to Palm - KaRen (Assassination Classroom)

Yes I am a part of the extremely tiny fandom that ships Karma and Ren (I do ship Karma with multiple people throughout the manga lmao) but only in THIS specific context. And this is beautifully written, I can't stop re-reading it. Also, the name of the ship makes me laugh. Karma and Ren relationship after losing Gakushuu -the boy they both love above everything else- is peak romance.

Le goût du chocolat - L x Light (Death Note)

I honestly don't remember a thing about this fanfiction except a single sentence, but I do know that I totally fell in love with it. It was one of my fave fanfic when I was full active on Wattpad, and I even archived it because I didn't want to lose it. I should read it again now that I found it again.

Alright that's 10 !!! Finally !!

Oh it was so fun to fall back into all the things I read before ! But it was harder than I expected because, well, I only have AO3 for 3 years and I've been on Wattpad for 7 years, but I started reading fanfiction even before that, I just didn't have any account back then. So, I kinda forgot about some of the things I read more than 4 years ago, and I couldn't find the gems I discovered when I was 12. Most of the books that made out to this list are my recent lectures, it's a bit biased I guess.

Anyway, thank you for the ask ! It was fun to analyze all my bookmarks and everything !

[aurosoulart]

Hey, sorry if this is bad(?), but I was wondering if you had any advice for getting into the xr world/career. I think I've seen you mention the topic (encouraging others to join the field?) at least once, but I don't know how to even get started. Thank you for your time!

(If you could answer this not publicly I would appreciate it, but it's fine if you do, or like, if you don't answer at all)

not a bad thing to ask at all! I've actually been in the middle of writing a guide about this for some time that I will.... hopefully finish sometime soon ghskgh.

I hope you don't mind me posting this publicly - I ended up writing a short novel and figure it might be useful to others who are curious as well! anyways, the advice I give to people with a background in illustration is to start out with a Quest 2 headset. they retail at $300 new, but you can get them used via eBay, Craigslist, FB Marketplace or someplace like that for around $200 or under. the Quest 2 works without needing to be plugged into a PC, though you will probably want to buy a more ergonomic head-strap to make it more comfortable. (the head strap that Meta sells is overpriced, but this third-party one is really good) if you're interested in working with augmented reality (the type of work I do!) and have the ability to save up some extra money, I'd recommend waiting for the release of the Quest 3, which will launch this fall and cost $500. totally not a requirement at all to start learning, though.

other than that, I'd recommend starting out with free art programs like Open Brush and Gravity Sketch to familiarize yourself with creating in-headset. both of these programs have a large amount of tutorial videos up on YouTube - as well as an active community of other artists who are all generally very friendly and eager to help people learn. VR Art Live and The Spatial Canvas's Discord servers are the communities I'm part of. :)

after that, it all just comes down to posting your new artwork online to as many platforms as you can mentally handle (this is the hardest part for me, ghsghs), and also looking at paid XR artist programs/gigs. Mozilla Hubs, Horizon Worlds, and Figmin XR (that's me!) all have some creator opportunities where they pay people to create things on their platform.

you can also find work doing XR concept art, art performances, and I've even seen grant programs for XR artists from art galleries. these things are harder to find, but if you make a LinkedIn page and a modest portfolio of your XR art, chances are high that you'll get some eyes on it.

it's ridiculously easy to be a big fish in a small pond right now if you have any kind of skills with these programs. I will say that there does seem to be a push towards people who can create things that are interactive and can be shared with others (like AR Snapchat/TikTok/Instagram filters, experiences created and published to platforms like Mozilla Hubs, Figmin XR, etc.), so that's something to keep in mind while learning - but not something that should stop you!

going from 2D illustration to creating things in 3D space is a whirlwind of learning new skills that can often feel overwhelming, but the most important thing is that it should feel fun and enjoyable to you. I started out by just listening to music while painting in Tilt Brush (Tilt Brush was the original version of Open Brush, before Google made it open-source) and creating whatever felt the most fun in the moment. everything else just came from natural curiosity and connecting with other artists in the space.

lastly... I have no technical (coding, traditional 3D modeling) skills. I am a 2x college dropout with chronic mental illness, and prior to my current employment I was never able to hold a job for longer than 3 months. and yet....... this new industry has changed my life completely, and at 29 years old I finally feel like I have a purpose. I'm somehow a software developer now, without needing to know anything about software development. that's wild!!!

this is why I'm so excited for the future. if this brand-new technology (still in its infancy! viewed as frightening by so many!!) was able to help me in such a radical way... what will that mean for even more people discovering it as it becomes more accessible?

I don't know the answer to that yet... but I do know how wonderful it is to see people learning about all of this for the first time. helping with that alone is more than enough for me 💖