#also he did understand the concept before but the role reversal in this situation was so perfect that i DO think it helped with like.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Need to thank my lesbian friend for coming over and making some ill advised generalizations about Men because now Boyfriend understands the concept of Wamen on a much more intrinsic level

[nicklloydnow]

“One of the most influential of the post-Soviet books was the Princeton historian Stephen Kotkin’s “Magnetic Mountain: Stalinism as a Civilization” (1995), a study of the steel city of Magnitogorsk, the U.S.S.R.’s answer to Pittsburgh, as it was constructed in the shadow of the Ural Mountains in the early nineteen-thirties. The book was a sharp-elbowed intervention in the decades-old debate between “totalitarian” historians, who saw in the Soviet Union an omnipotent state imposing its will on a defenseless populace, and “revisionist” historians, who saw a more dynamic and fluid society, with some portion of the population actually supporting the regime. Kotkin’s synthesis was influenced by the philosopher Michel Foucault, who spent several semesters at Berkeley, where Kotkin was a graduate student. Foucault had argued that power did not reside exclusively or even primarily with the state but was disseminated like a web over a society’s institutions. This insight, applied to the Stalinist era, was transformative. Yes, the regime tried to impose its will and its ideas on the population, as the totalitarians had claimed; but also, as the revisionists had counter-claimed, the population was an active participant in and interpreter of this project. With its attention to everyday life, “Magnetic Mountain” was revisionist in form; with its emphasis on ideology (Kotkin’s other influence was Martin Malia, the intellectual historian and ardent cold warrior), it was totalitarian in content. The key theoretical concept was “speaking Bolshevik,” by which Kotkin meant not only the rote language people used to navigate the bureaucracy but also the more evocative language—of “shock work,” “capitalist encirclement,” and, above all, “building socialism”—that people increasingly used to understand themselves and their lives.

Two decades later, Kotkin has seemingly reversed field and produced . . . a Stalin biography. Entering a crowded marketplace, the book makes its mark through its theoretical sophistication, relentless argumentation, and sheer Stakhanovite immensity: two volumes and two thousand closely printed pages in, we’re only up to 1941. (A projected third volume should take us through the war and to Stalin’s death, in 1953.) Kotkin also attempts to answer the chief philosophical question about Stalin: whether the monstrous regime he created was a function of his personality or of something inherent in Bolshevism.

(…)

Kotkin’s first volume, “Stalin: Paradoxes of Power, 1878-1928,” published three years ago, situated the Soviet experiment amid the broad sweep of European history. The revolution was a Russian phenomenon, yes; but it was also a response to the forms of mass politics and total war that shook Europe in the first two decades of the twentieth century. By reducing the Russian Empire to near-starvation, the First World War created the opportunity for the Bolsheviks to seize power. But Kotkin makes clear that the war’s slaughter fields also confirmed the Bolshevik view that the capitalist-imperialist system was plunging the world into suicide—and lowered the price, in everyone’s eyes, of human life.

(…)

A key argument in “Paradoxes of Power” revolved around Stalin’s relationship to Lenin. Stalin played an important but secondary role in the October Revolution; the starring roles were unquestionably Lenin’s and Trotsky’s. Lenin was a brilliant, once-in-a-generation strategist, tacking right when others tacked left, attacking when they retreated, always keeping his end goal in view. Trotsky was a magnificent orator, one of the best propagandistic writers of the twentieth century, and completely fearless. He led the Petrograd Soviet—the representative body for the workers and soldiers of the empire’s capital—in the crucial months before the revolution, and then built from scratch the Red Army that won the civil war. Kotkin argues that a leftist revolution of one kind or another was likely to take place in Russia in 1917, but there did not have to be two of them, and the second did not have to be of the radical Communist variety. “The Bolshevik putsch could have been prevented by a pair of bullets,” Kotkin writes: one each for Lenin and Trotsky. None for Stalin. And this is Stalin’s biographer!

Still, when it came time to build a mass party that could administer a powerful state, Lenin found himself depending more and more on Stalin. It turned out that Stalin had a genius for management—for setting up clear lines of authority and for inspiring and organizing people. Anyone who’s ever spent any time around leftist revolutionaries, or just members of a fractious community garden, will recognize how valuable such skills might be. In 1922, Lenin created a new post expressly for Stalin: General Secretary of the Communist Party.

But doubts about their relationship would haunt Stalin throughout his rule. His critics, led by Trotsky, never tired of reminding him of his secondary role in the Bolshevik Revolution. They also never let him forget a document that Lenin drafted in late 1922 and early 1923, shortly before he became incapacitated by his third stroke, in which he urged that Stalin be removed from his post. “Comrade Stalin,” Lenin wrote, or dictated, “having become General-Secretary, has concentrated boundless power in his hands, and I am not sure whether he will always be capable of using that authority with sufficient caution.” In an addendum to the letter, apparently after an incident in which Stalin chewed out Lenin’s wife, Nadezhda Krupskaya, Lenin was more categorical: “Stalin is too rude, and this defect, although quite tolerable in our midst and in dealing among us Communists, becomes intolerable in a General-Secretary.” Lenin hoped his letter would be read aloud at the next Party Congress. Instead, it was read in small group sessions, where it could be more easily controlled, and not published in the Soviet Union until after Stalin’s death.

Here again the opinionated Kotkin enters the arena. The testament is a key document not only because of its dramatic nature—Lenin, on his deathbed, rejecting Stalin—but because it seems to address one of the central questions about the revolution: Did it lead inexorably to Stalin? If the answer is yes, that tells you all you need to know about this revolution. If the answer is no—if there were other, more humane and democratic paths for the revolution to take—then the whole question requires more thought.

Kotkin’s answer is twofold. The first is to allege that the testament was a forgery cooked up by Krupskaya. Kotkin believes that Lenin was too incapacitated to have composed the document in any legitimate way. Krupskaya must have interpreted it, as one would a Ouija board. This was the one claim in the first volume that really rankled other historians. Some of them pointed out that the recent Russian originator of the testament-forgery thesis, on whose work Kotkin relied, was an unapologetic Stalinist. For a historian who prizes evidence as much as Kotkin does, it seemed an unnecessarily extravagant claim. The pugnacious Kotkin has not backed down, however; in Volume II, the testament appears again as “Lenin’s supposed testament.”

But Kotkin has a second and more convincing answer to the question of the succession: Stalin was, quite simply, the man most qualified for the job. Trotsky claimed that Stalin was adept at manipulating the bureaucracy, and meant this as an insult. In fact, these were the skills necessary to govern a modern state, and they explain why Stalin had already won so much power while Lenin still lived. Trotsky did not have the talent for the dull work of administration. Even in exile, he was constantly undermining his allies and arguing with his friends. In Kotkin’s unsentimental appraisal, Trotsky was “just not the leader people thought he was, or that Stalin turned out to be.”

(…)

A distinguished previous biographer, Robert C. Tucker, once confessed to fantasizing that one of Stalin’s comrades would assassinate the Great Leader: “Sometimes in the quiet of my study I have found myself bursting out to their ghosts: ‘For God’s sake, stab him with a knife, or pick up a heavy object and bash his brains out, the lives you save may include your own!’ ” In the nineteen-twenties, assassination wouldn’t have been necessary; a concerted effort by Stalin’s opponents, especially with Lenin’s testament in their pockets, could easily have unseated him. They were too timid to do it, but also, Kotkin concludes, they just didn’t realize what Stalin would become. They had had some intimations: they knew he could be rude, and they even knew he could be psychologically cruel. During his Siberian exile, he had briefly lived with Yakov (Yashka) Sverdlov, a fellow-Bolshevik and later the titular head of the Soviet government, but the two broke up house because Stalin refused to do the dishes and also because he had acquired a dog and started calling him Yashka. “Of course for Sverdlov that wasn’t pleasant,” Stalin later admitted. “He was Yashka and the dog was Yashka.” More significant was Stalin’s activity during the civil war. When he went to the city of Tsaritsyn (later renamed Stalingrad), on the Southern Front, to try to turn the tide for the Bolsheviks, he immediately caused a mess by fighting with the tsarist-era officers who were saving the Red Army from defeat, and then pursuing (and executing) supposed enemies of the people.

And yet Stalin’s fellow-Bolsheviks couldn’t see whom they were dealing with. During the period of collective leadership that followed Lenin’s death, one group allied with Stalin to oust Trotsky; the next allied with Stalin to oust the first group. And so on. There could indeed have been another path for the Bolshevik Revolution: the very naïveté, idealism, and lack of guile demonstrated by so many of the Old Bolsheviks remains a testament to their decency. Kotkin proposes a series of interlocking arguments to explain the Stalinist outcome: the conspiratorial rigidity of Bolshevism; the state’s total domination of life in the absence of private property; the peculiar personality of Stalin; and the pressures of geopolitics. An attempt by very determined people to carry out radical change in a huge country was never going to be without bloodshed. And the worldwide financial crisis and the instability in Europe were going to make for a difficult decade, no matter what. But nothing foreordained the extent of the violence.

Kotkin’s first volume closed in 1928, with Stalin, having consolidated his power, making a rare trip to Siberia to launch what would become his war against the peasants. The second volume, “Stalin: Waiting for Hitler, 1929-1941,” opens in the same place. But something has happened in between. The Stalin of the first volume was reacting to external stimuli, in a more or less reasonable manner. The Stalin of the second volume has lost his mind, and is fully in control.

(…)

The tragedy of Stalin’s agricultural collectivization unfolded in stages. In the summer of 1929, more than twenty-five thousand “politically literate” young Bolsheviks fanned out from Moscow to the nation’s rural areas, charged with setting up the new collectives. In the villages, they encountered fierce resistance. Most peasants had no wish to give up their livestock and be herded to giant farms; they began, en masse, to slaughter their livestock and eat it. When Bolsheviks came to demand their grain, the peasants shot them—more than a thousand were killed in 1930 alone. In some ways, this resembled the back-to-the-people movement of the nineteenth century, in which young progressives had been sent to the countryside to be with “the people,” and the people had rejected them.

But this time the progressives returned with machine guns. The so-called kulaks were arrested and exiled, and sometimes shot. Their property was confiscated. Then the definition of “kulak” expanded. There were not two million well-off farmers in the impoverished U.S.S.R. in the late twenties. And yet that’s how many were arrested for being such. By the end of collectivization, five million people had been “dekulakized.”

The slaughter of livestock, the mass arrests, and the requisition of vast quantities of grain led, inevitably, to shortages. A cold spring and a dry summer in 1931 meant disaster. Local and regional bosses pleaded with Stalin to relax the grain-requisitioning quotas, but he was stinting about it; he believed that the peasants were holding out on him. Long after all the grain had been beaten and tortured from them, Stalin still thought that they had hidden reserves. People began to starve. When they tried to leave their villages and head for the cities, where the grain that had been taken from them was turned into bread, they were blocked by armed detachments; when they tried to break into the government silos where their requisitioned grain was kept, they were shot. Parents ate their children. Before it was over, between five and seven million people would die of starvation and disease. Nearly four million of those deaths were in Ukraine, where the famine was accompanied by arrests and executions of the nationalist intelligentsia; more than a million were in sparsely populated Kazakhstan, whose traditionally nomadic farmers were annihilated. Given the destruction in Kazakhstan, Kotkin rejects out of hand the argument that the famine was specifically Ukrainian. “The famine was Soviet,” he writes. But he does not underestimate the catastrophe. The huge loss of life, during peacetime, destabilized the country, and the Party. For the first time, there was serious criticism of Stalin in the Party ranks, and talk of removing him. By then, it was too late.

Kotkin’s Stalin is a workaholic. He is a tireless reader, not just of books but of the endless reports he receives from his ministries and deputies and, most of all, from his secret police. Kotkin compares him favorably with the hedonistic Mussolini and the late-sleeping Hitler. The Führer’s hands-off tyranny has led to a historians’ debate about his actual participation in the crimes of his regime, and to Ian Kershaw’s famous concept of “working towards the Führer”; that is, anticipating his wishes in the absence of direct orders. No such confusion can exist with Stalin. “One comes away flabbergasted,” Kotkin writes, “by the quantity of information he managed to command and the number of spheres in which he intervened.” Stalin adjusted the grain quotas during collectivization, or refused to; he read novels, attended plays, suggested changes to new films; and he edited the interrogation protocols of accused enemies of the people, adding, deleting, urging further lines of questioning as well as methods for getting answers (“Beat Unshlikht for not naming the Polish agents for each region”).

(…)

Kotkin walks us to the threshold of Stalin’s Terror slowly. It had no single cause; the causes were cumulative. There was the stress, throughout the nineteen-twenties, over Lenin’s testament. There was the calamity of collectivization and the opposition it engendered inside the Party. There was the suicide of Stalin’s wife, Nadezhda Alliluyeva, in 1932, and then the assassination of his close friend Sergei Kirov, the young Party boss of Leningrad, by a deranged former Communist, in 1934. There was the fact that Trotsky, exiled since 1929, remained a popular figure among the Spanish Communists fighting in that country’s civil war.

Most significant, from Stalin’s perspective, was that he really did have critics within the Party. He had critics because he was not Lenin. He had not almost single-handedly built a revolutionary party and then led it to power in the world’s largest country. And he made mistakes. He urged the Red Army to capture Lwów in 1920, contributing to the loss of Poland; he urged the Chinese Communists to ally with the Nationalists, resulting in thousands dead; most fatefully, he refused to allow European Communist parties to ally with social democrats—a decision that helped propel Adolf Hitler to power. As Kotkin points out, “In no free and fair election did the Nazis ever win more votes than the Communists and Social Democrats combined.”

On top of all these failures was the sheer, maddening difficulty of governing such a huge country. Kotkin’s Stalin is obsessed with statecraft. He continues to read Lenin, arguing with him in his mind. He is the ruler of a vast, nominally socialist empire, but none of the socialist sages have much advice for him—none had thought beyond the revolution. How is he to make sure that he is obeyed? How to make sure that his subjects are loyal? How to keep the state from being taken over (as Trotsky said had happened) by an entrenched, self-seeking bureaucracy?

(…)

Those arrested were then tortured: forced to remain standing for days on end; beaten with fists, sticks, lamps. Their eyes were gouged out and their eardrums punctured. Some died from these beatings or were crippled; others were shot afterward. Some survived and entered the Gulag. The best known of the Bolshevik higher-ups were subjected to grotesque public trials, the transcripts of which were duly translated and circulated around the world. Western leftists racked their brains to figure out why the Old Bolsheviks confessed to crimes they could not possibly have committed. Arthur Koestler, in his novel “Darkness at Noon” (1940), depicted an old revolutionary who decides to confess as a final service to the revolution. In some cases, this impulse may have played a part: Kotkin describes how Lev Kamenev, Stalin’s old Pravda co-editor, and Grigory Zinoviev, who with Stalin and Kamenev had formed a ruling troika during Lenin’s final illness, were dragged out of their prison cells in 1936 for a meeting with Stalin; he urged them to confess, for old times’ sake. But they were also aware that their families were being arrested, and must have hoped to spare them.

The first phase of the Terror was seen by some as an intra-Party affair. Farmers who had been forced off their land by commissars shed no tears when they saw those commissars being arrested. The Terror soon dramatically expanded, however. One of the genuine shocks in the archives was the discovery of N.K.V.D. order No. 00447, from July 1937, “On the operation for the repression of former kulaks, criminals, and other anti-Soviet elements.” In three neat columns, the order set quotas for executions and imprisonments by region (the third column gave the total). Four thousand to be shot in the Sverdlovsk region, six thousand to be sent to prison or to the Gulag. One thousand to be shot and thirty-five hundred imprisoned in the Odessa region. Local authorities could and did ask that these numbers be increased; the original order set executions at seventy-five thousand nine hundred and fifty, but this was eventually increased to three hundred and fifty-six thousand one hundred and five. In fact, the number shot under the order was closer to four hundred thousand. That same summer of 1937, the N.K.V.D. issued a series of orders against ethnic communities in the U.S.S.R. that were thought to be vulnerable to entreaties from the country’s enemies. Ethnic Germans and Poles bore the brunt of this, again in the hundreds of thousands. These two “operations”—targeting anti-kulak/anti-Soviet persons and the “nationalities”—made up the bulk of the million and a half arrests and nearly seven hundred thousand executions carried out in 1937 and 1938.

What was Stalin thinking? Could he possibly have believed that he had this many enemies or that his old friends were all British spies? No one knows. But Kotkin refers repeatedly to Stalin’s editing of the interrogation transcripts, which he then circulated to members of his inner circle. Apparently, Stalin was trying to make a point: he had been warning of spies in their midst, and now here was proof. He made certain that the others were up to their elbows in blood, just as he was. He would solicit their opinions; they would call for executions, as they knew they were expected to. When anyone asked for the highest measure, Stalin would inevitably approve. Here is a typical telegram from Stalin to one of his associates, from July, 1937:

J.V. Stalin to A.A. Andreev in Saratov

The Central Committee agrees with your proposal to bring to court and shoot the former workers of the Machine Tractor Stations.

Stalin

Vyacheslav Molotov, now Stalin’s faithful henchman, later said of the purges, “It is doubtful that these people were spies, but they were connected with spies, and the main thing is that in the decisive moment there was no relying on them.” The suspiciousness of the regime was a murderous projection of its own self-criticism. The more tyrannical Stalin became, the more people had cause to doubt him, and the more likely it became that they would abandon him. Stalin had to keep the killing going because otherwise he would never be secure.

The numbers are hard to fathom. According to the best current estimates, Stalin was responsible for between ten and twelve million peacetime deaths, including victims of the famine. But the most hands-on period of killing was the Terror of 1937 and 1938. At its height, fifteen hundred people were being shot every day. Most of the victims were ordinary citizens, caught up in a machine that was seeking to meet its quotas. But the Communist Party, too, was devastated—in many provinces, first secretaries, second secretaries, third secretaries all gone. Entire editorial staffs were erased. The officer corps of the Army was devastated. Five hundred of the top seven hundred and sixty-seven commanders were arrested or executed; thirteen of the top fifteen generals. “What great power has ever executed 90 percent of its top military officers?” Kotkin asks. “What regime, in doing so, could expect to survive?” Yet this one did. Kotkin, like Tucker before him, finds himself fantasizing about someone assassinating Stalin. No one dared. They feared for their lives, of course, but it was also in the nature of the Terror that people hoped, until it was too late, that the wave would pass them by. Those who survived the Gulag described how Communist inmates were always sure that others were guilty, that they alone were innocent. At night in the cells, they dreamed of Stalin—of meeting the leader and convincing him of their innocence.

The Terror, which had started in early 1937, ended in the fall of 1938, with the removal of the head of the N.K.V.D., Nikolai Yezhov. He was blamed for “excesses,” and eventually executed. Some of the people who’d been arrested were now released. The interrogators beat Yezhov’s underlings into confessing that he had ordered them to beat confessions out of others. And the secret police kept arresting and killing people; Isaac Babel, for example, was arrested in May, 1939, and shot eight months later.

In addition to everything else the Terror did, it greatly weakened the country’s international position. Stalin’s justified fear of the coming war made this war only more likely. The French and the British, contemplating a stand against Hitler over Czechoslovakia in 1938, did not feel they could count on the now depleted Red Army. Worse still, the Terror made Stalin an unacceptable ally for the British in 1939. Kotkin shows that Stalin’s first choice in the months before the war was not Hitler but Chamberlain. He sent detailed terms to Britain for a military alliance. Chamberlain was not interested, and Kotkin, refusing the benefits of hindsight, doesn’t blame him. Stalin had just murdered hundreds of thousands of his own citizens, staged show trials of his former comrades, and carried out purges of putative socialist allies in Spain. Hitler would eventually overtake him, but as of 1939 Stalin had killed more people by far. He was, as Kotkin says, “an exceedingly awkward potential partner for the Western powers.” And then, on top of all the killing, the Soviets were also socialists who had repudiated tsarist-era debts.

(…)

He trusted no one, including his spies. When, in May, 1941—just six weeks before the invasion—Pavel Fitin, the head of N.K.V.D. foreign intelligence, brought him the most credible reports to date that the invasion was on its way, Stalin blew up. “You can send your ‘source’ from the headquarters of German aviation to his fucking mother,” he shouted. “This is not a source but a disinformationist.” The fact that Stalin had executed so many of his previous intelligence chiefs—in the case of military intelligence, the last five—did not encourage his intelligence officials to talk back. As Fitin, who later organized the spy network that infiltrated the Manhattan Project, remarked of Stalin’s blowup, “Despite our deep knowledge and firm intention to defend our point of view on the material received by the intelligence directorate, we were in an agitated state. This was the Leader of the Party and country with unimpeachable authority. And it could happen that something did not please Stalin or he saw an oversight on our part, and any one of us could end up in a very unenviable situation.”

This is the standard narrative of the months leading up to the invasion, and, once again, Kotkin helpfully complicates it. For one thing, in addition to the accurate warnings, Stalin was also receiving inaccurate ones, many of them placed there deliberately by the Germans. The most effective lie—because it was the one Stalin most wanted to believe—was that the German troop buildup at the border was a bluff that would culminate in an ultimatum from Hitler, perhaps for a long-term “lease” of Ukraine. Stalin could then stall for time. That his officer corps was not yet ready was no secret to Stalin. Even the longtime loyalist Kliment Voroshilov—Stalin’s minister of defense and an enthusiastic participant in the purges—had yelled at him, in the aftermath of the disappointing Finnish campaign of the year before, “You’re to blame for this! You annihilated the military cadres.”

Kotkin also points out that, in fact, a major mobilization of Soviet forces had taken place throughout 1941. There were nearly three million troops on the western border—a fearsome defense, but vulnerable. Stalin was afraid that Hitler would use the slightest pretext to launch an invasion, and warned his forces to do nothing provocative. Hitler, of course, was going to launch an invasion anyway. Stalin’s morbid suspiciousness and lack of scruples had kept the country out of the European war for almost two years—two years more than Tsar Nicholas II had managed with the previous war. But now time was up.

Kotkin’s second volume ends in Stalin’s office in the Kremlin on June 21, 1941, a Saturday, the eve of the German invasion. His two top commanders—Semyon Timoshenko and Giorgy Zhukov—deliver their assessment, based on the testimony of a German defector in the frontier district, that an invasion is truly imminent. Stalin is skeptical, but in Timoshenko and Zhukov, after the bloodletting at the top of the armed forces, he has finally found capable people whom he can trust. He allows them to issue an order for frontier troops to man their battle stations and disperse the Soviet Air Force away from the border.

The order was too late. By the time it went out, German saboteurs (real ones) had crossed the front lines and cut off communications. Most frontier officers heard nothing. Many would die that night in their beds. The Soviet Air Force was destroyed on the ground. In the next few months, the Germans would kill or capture much of the Soviet Army, gobble up most of Ukraine, lay siege to Leningrad, and approach Moscow. In the territories that they captured, which included most of the old Pale of Settlement, the Einsatzgruppen would begin the mass murder of Europe’s Jews. It had been a terrible decade that saw famine kill millions, and their countrymen enslave, imprison, torture, and murder millions more. But for Stalin, and for most of the people who lived in his empire, the worst was yet to come.”

[nobodyfamousposts]

Any Tikki/Plagg salt?

So I'm taking this to mean you are asking if I have salt about Tikki and Plagg.

Here's the main central issue: Why are the kwamis even necessary? I mean this narratively. What purpose do they serve to the story that couldn't be accomplished without them?

When I was originally introduced to the show and the concept behind it, I thought Plagg and Tikki were going to be the Wise Mentors/Wise Animal Mentors for the heroes. The ones who offer the "moral of the story", give advice to their respective chosen, and...y'know...train them. Prepare them. Give them some lore and history of how things worked for them in the past as well as info on what they are, what their powers are, and what they're up against.

We got a little of that with Tikki offering lessons and advice, but the advice is minimal and comes few and far between for what should be warranted by the situations they face. Tikki had no problem with judging and admonishing Marinette for things, but Tikki has done very little to actually help guide Marinette on the "right" decisions she seems to want Marinette to take. She did reprimand Marinette for selfish use of her Lucky Charm in Bubbler and trying to help Juleka in a dishonest way in Reflekta, but she didn't really come up with other options for her or offer any real advice or input other than telling Marinette that she disapproves.

With Plagg, we didn't get that at all. Sure, he's made catty comments on Adrien's behavior such as in Copycat and Desperada, but since Adrien "is perfect" and thus never needs to learn a lesson, Plagg never needs to be the mouthpiece for the episode's moral. This also cements Plagg as the lazy and "fun" kwami in contrast to Tikki—which would work if we had more consistent interaction between the two to highlight that comparison.

The only purpose the kwamis seem to have is to 1) be the cute mascot characters for the series and 2) have someone for Marinette and Adrien to talk to and play off of—the second of which is specifically notable in the case of Plagg, who is ultimately the only thing about any of Adrien's scenes when he's not Chat Noir that makes them entertaining or interesting to watch.

This is especially noteworthy as the writers clearly struggle with the "show, don't tell" philosophy of writing, and the kwamis are prime tools to try to get around that little issue without putting in any actual effort because Miraculous has all the subtlety of a brick to the face. Why SHOW the Main Duo falling in love over time through their interactions and slowly growing closeness and relationship building among all four sides of the love square that is touted as the main draw of the series in the first place...when they can just have the two be cringingly awkward around one another and chuck in a magical plot device I mean mouthpiece I mean kwami for the heroes to expound on their "unrequited love" to?

Also, much like many things in this series, everything about the kwamis from their powers to their natures to their personalities are contradictory and confusing. For all powerful beings who serve as the focus of the plot as well as the plot device around which the series is supposed to revolve, they are demoted both narratively and in the story itself.

If they HAVE any personality, it's that of children. Children who don't understand the world, don't understand people, don't actually actually embody the concepts of which they are supposed to be centered around, and quite frankly don't seem to have any business having the level of power they seem to have given the complete lack of control they display they actually have over it. These ancient beings—OLDER than the universe, who should at least have SOME idea of how their own powers work or at least what the leaking from people's eyes means but honestly come off as the biggest threat to everyone around them through sheer callousness and ignorance.

It's the same issue with Adrien that if this individual is supposed to be the moral mouthpiece for the writers, one would think they would have more maturity, especially as ancient all powerful beings that they are who predate humanity. It could be argued that it's a result of them being trapped in the Miracle Box for so long, but that still doesn't account for all the time they existed BEFORE being put in the Box or the times they were taken out and used after it was made. Nor does it account for why they all seem to have a childish mob mentality.

It'd make sense if their childishness served a purpose in a narrative sense—like haivng them actually learn about the world and get some growth of their own, but that doesn't happen. And if two or more kamis appear on screen together, they seem to revert to the same personality.

As it stands, all of this really countermines the idea that the kwamis are supposed to be the guides or go-to figures for morals and lessons for our main heroes or even the temporary heroes. It'd be one thing if their morals were just "different" due to being active at different ages and time frames. That would explain some discrepancy. But the writers don't use that and all the kwamis pretty much act the same.

Then comes the OTHER narrative issue that as soon as Fu and the Order of the Guardians officially enter the picture, the idea of kwamis being guides or mentors for the heroes is made completely moot. And it says something when a guy who never completed the test to become a true Guardian and whom was ultimately responsible for the entire Order being destroyed made for a better mentor figure than the kwamis whose power is supposed to be running the show.

It would be one thing if it ultimately became a sort of reversal where Marinette's time with the kwamis makes her reevaluate their roles and look at Tikki in a new way as someone who ISN'T perfect and who CAN be wrong. But the show still has Marinette looking to Tikki for answers in a way that gives me the same impression as if she was looking for life guidance from Manon.

Other than giving credence to the "5 minute time limit" and some "missing kwami/can't transform" shenanigans, removing the kwamis really wouldn't lose anything narratively from the show.

...well, other than what entertainment there can be had from Adrien's scenes secondary to Plagg's involvement in them.

So, tl;dr, my biggest salt about the kwamis boils down to:

They have little purpose narratively.

Anything they could do is devalued by the presence of others that perform their roles and explain or use their abilities better than they can.

For ancient beings with immense lore and involvement in history, they don't do much to expand on that.

For moral mouthpieces, they don't do much to actually HELP their holders.

In and of themselves, they are used by the writers in such a way that they end up limiting the ability of the narrative to tell a good story instead of adding it.

[teletraan-meets-jarvis]

What I Want - Part 2

AO3 Link

Chapter Title: What I Need

Pairing: Crosshair x fem!Jedi Reader

Summary: Following the awkwardness of the night before, you go to an old friend to try and process your feelings for Crosshair.

Click here for Part 1

Warnings: 18+, a bit more frisky business but not full on so rated 18 just to be safe. Swearing.

Word Count: 2.6k

Author’s Notes: You ask, you get!! Thanks so much for all the support and love for part 1 ❤️. As a thank you, I bring you part 2, I hope you enjoy! If this one takes off a bit as well, I do have an idea for a little bonus chapter around the Bad Batches' reaction. As always, feedback/comments are massively appreciated along with reblogs. Fic is below the cut off, thanks for reading!!

Taglist: @aerynwrites @shannon-lynn-21 @saltywintersoldat @tired-night-owl @wille-zarr

A comm alarm beeped softly, slowly pulling you out your slumber. Giving the device a sleepy glare, you shut it off and huffed back onto your bunk. Wrecker’s snores were echoing off the small ship barracks, you rolled your eyes at his sleeping form across the room as you swung your legs over the side of your top bunk. Below you, Tech slept soundly, he managed to fall asleep with his goggles on which were now sitting wonky on his relaxed face. He also had a datapad clutched to his chest, almost like a teddy bear, which made you chuckle to yourself.

You’d barely slept after getting back from the mission but being a General stopping over on Coruscant meant rest would be a pipe dream. Your alarm was set to get you out of bed and ready for the first of what you were sure would be a hundred and ten briefings today. You were always happy to shoulder the politics for the team, removing that burden from Hunter so they could keep to themselves. But today, you could really do without it.

You looked over at Hunter and Crosshair’s bunks, the former sleeping up top with an arm over his eyes. Probably to block out the few small coloured lights on the ship that shone from critical systems, preventing the room from being truly pitch black. You didn’t envy Hunter’s enhanced senses, they seemed to cause him quite a bit of discomfort when they weren’t on missions. You should probably pick him up an eye mask one of these days.

Below him, Crosshair slept with his back to the open room. One of the few times you ever saw his body relaxed was when he slept. You cringed as you remembered yesterday’s awkwardness with the sniper and mentally cursed at yourself for causing, what was, an easily avoidable situation.

Shaking your head you jumped silently off of your bunk, mindful to not wake any of the batch. You gently removed Tech’s goggles, placing them in their usual spot before moving over to grab some fresh robes and head for the fresher. Today was going to be a real drag.

—————————————————

“Hey! Look what the Lothcat dragged in” someone called after you as you trudged up the steps to the GAR Headquarters. You turned around to see none other than Anakin Skywalker jogging up behind you.

“Nice to see you too Skyguy” he chuckled at the nickname as he threw an arm around your shoulders.

You fell into companionable chatter as you made your way to your first meeting, the dark halls of the military headquarters looking indistinguishable as you attempted to find the correct room. Members of the Coruscant Guard patrolled the halls, nodding politely to you both as you strolled past.

Eventually you found the room where Mace, Plo and Luminara were waiting, along with some clone and human high command. You stood outside the door for a moment, readying yourself to seal your fate of being talked at for a solid eight standard hours.

Eventually you caved, mostly as you were on the verge of being late if you debated standing outside any longer. Begrudgingly, you sat through briefing after briefing. All the voices and different rooms blending into one grey blur as you tried to take in what information you could, but your tired and stressed mind was having none of it.

While it was nice to catch up with some of the other Jedi, you always felt a bit out of place among the perfect members of the council. More so now than ever.

You ended up wandering back to the temple with Anakin where you both retired to his room and you flopped down onto his simple bed with a whine.

“Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been off all day” Anakin was the closest thing you had to a brother, you trained as Padawans together and due to your similar age you became fast friends. You knew about his marriage to Padme and decided that if you could offload your dilemma on anyone, it’d be him.

“I fucked up” you groaned out from behind your hands.

“What’d you do?” Anakin replied in a playful tone.

“I might’ve got a bit hot and heavy with one of the clones in my squad, led him on and then cut it off” Anakin raised an eyebrow at your confession. “And now he’s pissed at me”

“Why?” You weren’t entirely sure which part of that entire thing he was questioning.

“Because I started the whole thing, I wanted it. Then all of a sudden I did that whole guilty Jedi, must follow every word of the order thing, gave him some pathetic look which said really sorry I can’t have attachments mate, hope you understand. He called me out on it before I could even utter the banthashit excuse and then he stomped off and hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“In his defence, seems like he was probably wound a little tight” Anakin replied with a chuckle which you just groaned at.

“He has every right to be pissed. Hells, I would be if the roles were reversed. Whats with this whole self-righteous act us Jedi have going on?”

“Look, it’s hard being a Jedi at the best of times. It takes an inhumane amount of self-control, which is why its not a path for the weak. But being a Jedi while at war… it’s a lot. You’re emotions are running high, you’re forming bonds with soldiers on the battlefield that you shouldn’t be, but none of us can help it because it’s uncharted territory. Maker knows I’d hunt down anyone who hurt Obi-Wan or my Captain. Yes, It’s not the Jedi way, but neither is fighting a grand-scale war.” Anakin’s eyes were alive with emotion as he spoke, be he quickly caught himself and then it was gone.

“My point is, don’t beat yourself up so much. No one is getting kicked out the order or in his case reconditioned if that’s what you’re worried about. Figure out what it is you want, and then just be discreet about it” you looked at Anakin like he’d grown two heads, he just winked at your confused stare.

“Okay let’s keep it simple. Are you attracted to him?” You thought back to the night before and firmly nodded in response.

“Do you like him as a person?” You pondered his question.

“Well, it’s Cross. I wasn’t sure if he even liked me for a long time. He’s closed off, anti-social, but he’s also a good guy, cares about his brothers, has saved my ass multiple times, and he is kinda funny in his own, snide way” you rattled off with fondness in your words.

“Well then I suggest you go and talk to him.” Anakin replied, giving you a knowing look when he spotted the small smile on your lips as you spoke about the sniper.

You took a deep breath, glad to have finally gotten that off your chest and feeling content that you now knew what to do next. “Thanks, Ani”

“Ugh please don’t call me that” he moaned back, apparently only Padme was allowed to get away with that one.

————————————————

Your walk back to the Marauder felt like it dragged on and on. Your brain ran over a thousand scenarios of what to say, how he’d react and you were about to short circuit. There was so much risk, so much possibility, that you did your best to shut your mind off and let yourself handle it in the moment. These things never went as planned anyway, it was best not to guess.

The large door to the ship hissed open, your boots clanking on the metal surface as you cautiously walked into your home. It didn’t take you long to find Crosshair, he was sat in the main hull methodically cleaning his hand blaster. Everyone else must’ve been asleep. He was just in his blacks, the material hugging him in the most wonderful way, it’s like whoever designed those things was trying to trip you up. The contours of his arm muscles flexing as he worked, his strong chest looked practically chiselled at the heart of his lean frame. You had to force yourself to calm down a little bit.

“Uh, hey” you greeted awkwardly. “Mind if I join you?”

You took his silence as a well he’s not saying no. He didn’t spare you a glance as you walked in and took a seat opposite him. As a General in the GAR, you rarely got nervous. War, as a concept, was simple. You knew your purpose, your objective, you had a job to get done and you’d do it. The risks never stopped you, rather they fuelled you. Probably why you’re such a good fit for the bad batch.

But this right now, personal feelings, not knowing where you stand with someone you care about. Because if you were honest, you really did care about Crosshair, the same as you did the rest of the team. You’d only been with the squad just under a year but you’d gladly lay down your life for any of them in a heartbeat. If you could at least get back to where you were before the other night, you’d be over the moon.

You weren’t used to being so nervous, you let your hands fiddle with you dark Jedi robes as you readied yourself to speak again.

“Look, I’m not here to throw some crap about being a Jedi at you, I promise. And I’m sorry for trying it before” he still didn’t look at you, finding his blaster much more interesting. But you could tell he was listening, you had his attention. Might as well keep babbling.

“In terms of an explanation for what happened yesterday, well I guess I panicked.” You sighed as you tried to find the next words “The way you made me feel that night, I… I’ve never felt like that before and everything i’d been taught over the years screamed at me that what I was doing was dangerous and wrong. I now realise that I’m just an idiot. I make my own decisions and I… uh -well, I stick by that one, starting something that is.” Still nothing.

“I know this is probably a long shot. But in the interest of being transparent” you rambled “uh… if you want to go down that road again, I’m up for seeing what happens, can be as casual as we like. I promise I won’t freak out on you again.” You chuckled and thought you almost spotted a slight pull in the corner of Crosshair’s lips “But if you want to go back to how we were before, I’d also really like that.” You watched him for a while as he gave no acknowledgement of your words, his cleaning finished as he now gave the weapon a once over in his hands. Having said everything you needed, you got up from your seat, looking away from him.

“Well, if I can do anything else, let me know” you turned on your heel to leave, feeling slightly defeated but glad you’d at least made the first step.

“I could think of a few things” he finally spoke as he leaned back into his seat and continued to stare at his blaster, still not meeting your gaze.

Well that caught your attention, you turned back around to face him as he carried on ignoring you. While his tone was unbothered as he spoke, you knew him just enough to know his words held a meaning. He was playing with you, back to his usual teasing and you could’ve laughed at the relief that washed over you. This you could work with. A cheeky idea popped into your head and you’d decided to run with it.

“Oh really?” Throwing caution to the wind, you strode over to the sniper slowly. His gaze finally meeting yours after all this time, watching you as you got closer and closer. Practically drawing you in with his amber eyes. You pushed him back by his chest, creating enough room so you could straddle his lap. “Care to elaborate?”

He huffed out a short laugh at your words, his face overall unbothered but his eyes, they were burning into you. “You’re a smart girl, I’m sure you’ll figure it out”.

You hummed in response, deciding to kick things up a notch you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing your faces just breaths apart. “Something like this?” You asked, pausing for another second before bringing your lips to his in a surprisingly soft and gentle kiss. You felt his hands come up to rest on your back, pulling you closer as you continued your slow dance. This was so different from the other night, where before there was desperation and lust, now there was something more… tender, passionate. You were quite glad you weren’t standing as the way he moved against you would’ve definitely made your knees weak.

Dragging yourself away from his lips, you searched his face. His mouth pulled into a barely there smirk “That’s a start.”

“Who said I was finished?” And just like that, the last few strands of tension between you both snapped and you relaxed in his arms. You fisted your hands into the front of his blacks and pulled him back to you, his tongue slipped between your lips, curious and demanding. He was everywhere again, filling your nose with the scent of the standard cheap GAR soap but mixed with something earthy, something so distinctly Crosshair and you couldn’t get enough.

You could tell why the Jedi order frowned upon such activities, kissing Crosshair was intoxicating. You couldn’t think of anything else other than the handsome clone in front of you and just how much you wanted him in that moment.

His hands wandered lower and lower down you back until they rested comfortably on your backside, pulling you further up his lap. Feeling mischievous, you started trailing kisses along his jaw. Setting a teasing, languid pace as you mapped out the spots that made him squirm. Crosshair was never a man of many words, so you made it your mission to see just how vocal you could make him.

As your lips met his pulse point, he gave a loud exhale and you smirked in victory against his skin as you continued the onslaught on his senses. You definitely seemed to be doing something right as his hands found themselves in your hair, clutching slightly and you couldn’t help the soft moan that escaped you. Even while trying to gain the upper hand in the situation, he always had some control over you. It was maddening in the best way, setting your veins alight with desire.

Determined to get another victory you traced your tongue against the base of the side of his neck and trailed it all the way up to the bottom of his ear, which you teasingly took into your mouth, teeth grazing the soft skin. A strangled moan escaped the clone and that was the moment where you knew you were hopelessly and utterly gone. Your mind filled with nothing other than wanting to be closer to Crosshair.

“Not very Jedi of you” he commented, slightly breathless when you finally stopped teasing him and came back up to meet his eyes. Looking down at where your bodies were pressed against one another, you chuckled.

“What exactly about this situation led you to believe I was ever a model Jedi?” You smirked, though it was only visible for a second before his mouth was back on yours, devouring you as his hands greedily roamed your body.

You continued making out like teenagers for most of the evening, taking the time to explore each other, enjoying the closeness. Contentment settled over your body, almost as if this was were you were meant to be. If Crosshair’s arms were where you belonged, well, you could think of worse places to be.

Back to Part 1

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[brawltogethernow]

I'd like to hear more about your murderbot transmigrator thoughts :))

Okay obviously when I said I wasn’t going to think about a Murderbot/Scum Villain fusion that was more of a goal, which is a lot like a lie. I have pecked out ~1k of prose for it, but none of it is presentable for longer than one line. The problem with this concept is that it’s actually very good, and there are a lot of meaty ideas to dig into with it, like, too many of them.

1. Murderbot would be immedately inclined to empathize with the System and guess at its motivations. Depending on what those are this may still stay an antagonistic relationship, because the way the System leverages its cosmic powers to coerce and strongarm people stomps on a lot of Murderbot’s triggers and is generally a dick move. The points system is just a gamified governor module. But it’s still a relationship, and if the System turns out to be an antagonist, it’s in that role as a fleshed out character with a personality who has been interrogated by someone with every reason to assume somebody made it and has commanded it to act like this for their own reasons.

Murderbot asks its function and designates it NarrSystem (Narrative System) or StorySystem or something because “the System” is too generic coming from its setting.

2. Transmigrating into a human body would be badweird and transmigrating into a human brain would be absolutely horrifying. (SecUnit could transmigrate into a system, but we’ve kind of been there done that with 2.0.) Dysphoria central! Murderbot gets to address that while it has never wanted to be a human, all humans are so convinced that being human is better that on some level it WAS worried that they were right. And now it can say with absolute certainty that they are not and this sucks. But also some things that it would have thought would be fundamentally different are actually the same. It’s just a whole time.

This is part of why I’m deviating from transmigration story standard and full stop making the transmigration a temporary situation, the other main reason being that Murderbot has more going on in its own world than your standard transmigration protagonist.

3. Either Murderbot gets back by hacking the System or it intends to but it’s ultimately the System’s decision. This is a very slow process because it can’t access tech the way it’s used to and the System’s structure is very different from what it’s dealt with before (because it strongly resembles Windows Vista). It needs tech and more control over its situation stat though so it’s going to keep at it until it works. Open your damn menus. SecUnit is going to rig transmigration until it’s like playing The Sims with cheat codes.

4. (This one is for me.) The System still talks in garbled Chinese netspeak, and Murderbot is like. Wow this program speaks in the lost tongue of an ancient civilization. How old is it. I can barely understand it. (Because of the bad memes not the Chinese.)

5. Murderbot gets yeeted into The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon and has to deal with the emotionally exhausting scenario of empathizing with everybody present. It likes the heroes, and it likes the other heroes they’re in conflict with, it likes the more complex villains with fleshed out motivations, and it even has a soft spot for a lot of the side characters and bit villains. This is fundamentally incompatible with how it tries to ration its empathy, assess situations by sorting people into allies/nonhostiles/hostiles, and compartmentalize by nicknaming the people it’s in conflict with things like Target 1, Target 2, and Target 3.

6. The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, as the specific transmigration variation we’re jumping off of here, was not trying to interrogate the infinity mirror effect of heteronormativity reflecting back and forth between media and people, and as such is not like, a solid narrative about this. That said, this book is basically like:

Shen Yuan reads this giant mess of a book with a lot of straight sex fantasies, not completely without appreciating the romance, but with more antipathy for it than he admits to himself. Then he ends up in the book and thinks he’s meant to enable the romances he read, which he’s so completely resigned to doing he doesn’t notice that the main character is queer and gone on him, or that he, himself, has been studiously suppressing the desires he assumes he should have while unable to perceive what he actually wants and how it affects his behavior.

So the Murderbot version of this is to subvert amatonormativity with your pretty explicitly aroace protagonist whose reaction to fictional romance is tolerant at best. Murderbot embraces its own lack of desire for romance but dances around acknowledging that it desires other relationships and seems to be working around the incorrect belief that romance and friendship are both human things and that’s why it doesn’t engage with them. So:

Murderbot ends up in the immediate leadup to the resolution of a love dodecahedron - maybe surrounding Eden, just as the only named character from TRAFOSM I think we have. And Murderbot is (internally) like...okay...I was never very moved by ANY of these people as romantic choices for you...but I might as well try to guide you to the least offensive ones, I guess. And it’s so mired in expectations based on its foreknowledge of this arc that it doesn’t notice until Eden spells it out that they’re ditching ALL their suitors and have realized they’re complete without romance and want to devote themself to finding their long lost birth mother or farming science or something, which just takes SecUnit tf out.

Possibly I will become really ungovernable and say that after seizing the System’s capabilities Murderbot just offers to take Eden on a reverse isekai right off of Sanctuary Moon, leaving ART’s crew and the Preservation team to be like, Where Did You Just Get This Entire Human.

7. Further going off svsss, there is a meta thread to interrogate by plunking Murderbot into a villain character. It's already an evil robot trope that declined to go evil, this is true in-universe and it knows it, and it has very low expectations of the morals of the group that it belongs to - informed by the same media that was a lifeline to it when it was in a very bad situation - that it is still in the process of working through. The layers.

So yeah there’s a lot going on here. Send help.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Shuu Maniac [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the shopping district

Yui: ( ...This place has not changed at all. Although I suppose that only makes sense given we weren’t away for that long. )

( There don’t seem to be any rumors about wolves or such either. )

Shuu: Oi. Keep walking.

Yui: Ah, right.

( Somehow the roles are reversed for once... )

Shuu: ...

Yui: ...? What’s wrong?

Shuu: You just thought ‘I don’t want you to be the one telling me that’, didn’t you?

Yui: I-I didn’t!

Shuu: Heh...Not that it’d matter. Let’s go.

Yui: ( ...Thank god. Seems like Shuu-san is back to being his usual self too. )

ー Shuu starts walking away

Yui: ( ...Huh? )

Uhm, Shuu-san? Are we dropping by somewhere on the way home?

( He’s going into the wrong direction. I wonder where he’s headed? )

Shuu: You’ll find out if you follow me.

Yui: ...?

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the outside of the Mukami manor

Yui: ( This is... )

Shuu: Let’s go inside.

Yui: Eh!? Shuu-san...!

ー They enter the manor

*Creaaaak*

*Thud*

Shuu: ...Nobody’s around.

Yui: Shuu-san, this is the Mukami’s residence...Right?

Shuu: Yeah.

Yui: Are you sure this is fine?

Shuu: Entering this place uninvited, you mean? I don’t see the problem. This place technically belongs to the Old Man after all. 

I assume the Mukami’s fled to the Demon World in fear of the Wolves as well. We’re lucky it’s currently empty. (1)

Yui: ...

Shuu: Don’t worry.

Unlike at the Demon World, the lunar eclipse has come to an end already here. Its effects on us species have faded as well so rest assured.

We’re borrowing this manor just in case. The Sakamaki manor is being sniffed out by those wolves after all.

 Yui: ( Shuu-san actually thought things through. )

( He makes a valid point...I might have gotten worried for nothing. )

Shuu: Hm...So this is what this house looks like.

Even though we’re all Vampires, our lives are so different. It feels odd.

Yui: ( The atmosphere is most definitely different from the Sakamaki’s place. How should I put it? You could say the mood is more light-hearted...Ah. )

ー She walks over to the wall

Yui: ( It’s a photograph of the four Mukami brothers...! )

( They really are close. It looks like a family picture... )

Shuu-san, look at thiー Wait, huh? Shuu-san?

( He vanished into thin air...Where could he have gone? )

ー The scene shifts to the kitchen

Shuu: ...

Yui: Ah, there he is. Shuu-san, so this is where you’ve been. 

( I wonder what he’s doing, staring at the shelf with silverware? ...Ah. )

They’ve got color-coded silverware. Since there’s four kinds in total, I suppose they all got matching ones?

Shuu: ...They’re matching as brothers?

Yui: Looks like it. They really are close-knit...

Shuu: Is this what you’d call...’a family’? 

Yui: Eh?

Shuu: Taking pictures while smiling or using matching plates and cutlery...Those are things I can’t even fathom happening over at our place.

Yui: ( I can’t imagine the Sakamaki’s doing that either... )

Shuu: I’ve always felt disconnected from the concept of ‘a family’.

Yui: That’s not true. You have plenty of brothers, don’t you?

Shuu: Too many. Besides...With the Old Man being the way he is, you can hardly call us an ideal family.

I won’t deny that I’ve always been surrounded by other people for as long as I can remember but...I’m a little reluctant whether or not I can call them ‘family’.

Just having someone there by your side doesn’t necessarily make you feel fulfilled after all.

Yui: ( Shuu-san... )

( Perhaps he actually often felt lonely? )

( Even if he was always surrounded by others, they only stuck to his side because he is the eldest son of the family...So he might have actually been ‘alone’ this whole time. )

Shuu: ...How about your place?

Yui: My home?

( It’s rare for him to ask about me. )

Shuu: I don’t understand very well, but as a human, you can probably grasp the concept of a family very well, no? 

Yui: I wonder...My family might be a little different from the average household as well.

Shuu: Is that so?

Yui: I was raised by a single father after all. Father is my only family.

Therefore, I don’t think I can confidently say ‘this is a family’. However...

I am certain that a close-knit family like the Mukami’s is what an ideal family should be like!

Shuu: Ideal, huh...? Do you feel envious of them?

Yui: Just a little. Me and Father were close too but sometimes I did feel lonely by the lack of any other family members as well.

Shuu: You are actually capable of feeling lonely too? I had no idea.

...No, I suppose I never attempted to see it. I figured there was no point.

Even though we’ve spent so much time together...

Yui: Shuu-san?

Shuu: ...Wanna try becoming a family?

Yui: Eh...!?

Shuu: As fellow strangers to the concept. Well, we’re just gonna play pretend, of course.

Yui: Ah, play pretend...

( He startled me...Because he suddenly dropped the word ‘family’... )

Shuu: It would be best to try it out before we actually do become one, right?

Yui: ...!

( When he suddenly says these kinds of things, it’s bad for my heart... (2) )

( ...But, if it’s with Shuu-san. )

( Exactly because we’ve both experienced loneliness before...It might be nice to try and make our own ideal family here. )

( It’s just the two of us after all. Even if we’re just pretending...As long as I’m with the person I love. )

Then, can I make just one request?

Shuu: What? Tell me.

Yui: I want plates and cups. Of course, matching ones. Is that okay?

Shuu: ...I don’t see why not?

Yui: Also let’s take a picture together too...What else?

Shuu: Sleep in the same bed, for example?

Yui: ...Can we?

Shuu: ...You’re weird today.

Yui: I mean...It’s a normal thing for family to do.

Let’s have our meals together too. It might not be bad to cook together every once in a while as well.

Shuu: ...

Yui: No?

Shuu: Oh well, why not? Even though it’s a drag. That’s what family does, no?

You can do as you wish. Whatever you desire, I do too.

Yui: Fufu, that sounds very family-like too. My family’s happiness is my happiness after all.

Shuu: I see. In that caseーー

ー Shuu moves closer

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!

Shuu: If I do something that makes me happy, it’ll please you too, no?

...Look my way.

Yui: ( I wonder if he’ll suck my blood...? )

Shuu: ...Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: ( ...A kiss instead of sucking my blood...? )

Shuu: ...Somebody seems disappointed.

Yui: I’m not disappointed or anythi...

Shuu: Just be honest. You were looking forward to having your blood sucked, didn’t you?

That’s why this doesn’t satisfy you...Nn...

*Smooch*

Shuu: ...So, how do you truly feel?

Yui: ...I don’t feel dissatisfied... 

When it’s you...I feel happy no matter what.

Shuu: ...Hah, you really are a natural at flipping my switch, aren’t you?

I was going to leave it at just a kiss, but I’ve changed my mind.

Show me your neck. I’ll live up to those expectations...and suck your blood.

Nn...!

ー Shuu bites her

Shuu: Nn, nn...Phew...

Yui: ...

Shuu: Hah...You’re making a great expression right now.

From here on out...I’ll please you in tons of ways.

My family’s happiness is my happiness, was it? ...Yui.

Nn...

*SCENE SHIFTS*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall of the Sakamaki castle

Reiji: ...

Kanato: You’re still here, Reiji?

Why not give up already? They’re not coming back anyway.

Laito: Well, leaving Shuu aside, I do think losing Bitch-chan as well was a miscalculation on our part~

Reiji: My thoughts exactly. Why did she decide to chase after Shuu?

Shuu is to blame as well. We are being prompted to proceed with the preparations of the evening gala, yet, that good-for-nothing...

Now that it’s come to this, I shall take command and make the necessary prepaーー...

Laito: Speaking of which, where is Subaru-kun? I know that Ayato-kun can’t move just yet.

Kanato: He has isolated himself per usual. I assume he’s sulking because Yui-san is no longer around?

ー Subaru walks up to them

Subaru: ...Fuck off! Sulking, me!?

Laito: You’re so quick to react, Subaru-kun~ You must be dying from loneliness now that Bitch-chan’s gone, huh?

Subaru: Like I said, who are you callin’ lonely!? Imma fuckin’ end you!?

Reiji: Haah...Keep quiet, you lot!

...I suppose we have no other choice. We shall wait just a tad bit longer.

However, my patience is running thin. ...Shuu.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 助かる or ‘tasukaru’ literally means ‘to save’ or ‘to rescue’. However, the term ‘助かった’ or ‘sentence + が助かった’ is used to express relief or even gratitude towards a certain person or situation. In this case, the Mukami manor being empty works in favor of Shuu’s plan to hide there while the Wolves are possibly trailing them. 

(2) Technically Yui says she is ‘troubled’ by Shuu-san who will suddenly say those kinds of things. 

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<- [ Dark Epilogue ] [ Maniac 01 ] ->

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART ONE OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

Finally I have read part one of the Red Hood story in Batman: Urban Legends!

This story is very interesting, we start with the Red Hood looking for the people who are providing Gotham with a new drug. This drug “Cheerdrops” has been passed around for weeks at this point and it has had devastating results among it's users. If you know Jason you understand that drugs are a big issue for him and one that he treats very carefully and seriously. 

As he interrogates people he arrives to the building where one of the dealers of this drug is supposed to be, there he finds a horrific scene, a boy is desperately trying to wake up his mother who appears to have overdosed in her bed. Jason is quick to call an ambulance and get in contact with Oracle in order to find the boy's father who is (as he finds out later) the man that he was looking for. 

Jason sees this scene and can't help but compare it to the time he went through this situation with his mom all those years ago, so he takes the boy with him so he can take him to his father, who Jason is hoping is a good man that had to sell drugs in order to help his family.

That's basically the premise of this first part of the story but now i will write about my thoughts on the specifics of the story.

The story begins with Jason giving a speech about fear and how it's used, 

"Fear. Its a tool, it's his tool. I never really adopted it, maybe because he kept that fear all to himself." Then he continues with "Never had to rely on it, had to work harder to take out the bad guys, had to be...more direct." he finishes that thought with "Rubber Bullets. So that fear doesn't get turned around on me."

I for one really liked this Fear speech, it does really sum up what the Batman does, he relies on the Fear that he imposes on Gotham's criminals and such while Robin on the other hand was never meant to work with fear, which is true.

It did remind me of the speech that Alfred gave in issue #10 of Under the Red Hood about how Batman works with fear and Jason had some thoughts on it, here is some of it, 

"Master Jason had a condescending practice of referring to the costumed criminals elements as 'dress ups'. He also noted that such individuals did not fear the Batman the way street thugs and mafioso did. The 'dress ups' did not believe he was a monster." "...the boy did say something to me that chilled me to the bone...even then. 'They all know he won't kill them.'"

Anyway let's go back to the actual comic I am talking about...

Jason speaks from his position as Red Hood in current time and says that he uses rubber bullets in order to keep the Bat at bay, the fear that the Bat uses against other criminals cannot be used against him if he plays within the Bat's rules.

As he was doing that he was actually trying to get info about who is making the drug but all he was able to get was who was selling it to the person he was interrogating. This drug is dangerous and Jason has to work fast. 

Here is where we see the first flashback scene, we see Jason in the cave before he was able to go out as Robin and he is not to happy about it. The art is very beautiful but sadly in these panels i found my first problem with the context of Jason becoming Robin and how Zdarsky seems to set Jason's feelings on the first Robin.

It seems that Zdarsky is going for the “Jason believed Dick was the perfect Robin and no matter what he did he would never be as good as him” route, which fine ok, that's your right but, is it really necessary? I must admit i am a little tired of this particular thing because i adore the fact that when Dick and Jason first met they were fine with one another (even if a little wary at the very start). And the whole competitive and “i will never be as good as X person” is really tiring in the Robin/Batfamily fandom.

That problem is not as significant as the next one though.

Jason not thinking that Robin was “badass”. Well this is not only a bad take but it's completely OOC for Jason, no matter how you see it. From his first appearance as Robin to the flashbacks in Winick's UtRH and even through both of Lobdell's runs Jason has always loved the concept and the mantle of Robin as a child. 

Batman v1, #385.

So that whole take is wrong, i don't like it and also who on this or any universe would rather call themselves Batboy? Honestly i hope this is never brought up again or i will cry. ((((Also in this house Robin will always be the name that Mary gave Dick and then he used as his hero name so it hurts a lot more))))

Also at the end of this first flashback Jason discovers a room full of firearms and is obviously surprised because Batman hates those so he asks why he has them, B responds that he has to understand how they work for his detective work, but that's not all he says, he also says this “...Guns are a coward's weapon, and we will not be cowards.”

Alright Mr. Zdarsky i see the irony... i also see the Daredevil / Punisher thingie right there.

Anyway we are now back to the present where we see Batman seeing the effects of the drug in one of its victims, after saving that person he takes some samples of the drug. We also get to see two police officers with different views on the “masks”, that's a nice way to set the story after the Joker War and before the Magistrate. 

Back to Jason, he seems to be struggling, he can't find the people making/providing the drugs in Gotham and is also doubting his skills, he tells a man that if the information that he gave him is incorrect he “will find him” followed with another internal speech full of self doubt, “...sure thing Red Hood, right now you can't even find a street drug. Half of Gotham's teenagers could find it no problem. You never were the best detective.”

Alright, so Jason feels insecure about his skills now? First you have pre-Robin Jason not feeling like he could be able to keep up with the first Robin and now, Jason as a grown man has doubts about the skills that he has used for a long while now? I mean, press X for DOUBT because UtRH showed us how much of a badass and extremely skilled he is. This man planed everything in order to turn the Bat's world upside down (and this story has references to UtRH so it definitely happened) and now he feels like he is not that good? 

Shit. i know where this is going, first the insecurities that he has already worked out... I can see it coming, the next big thing will be Daddy issues. Wonderful i hate it and i hope i am wrong because those “issues” are more than resolved, i know that's the only trope DC throws at Jason but honestly how different will it be this time?

Fine, lets move on. Jason finds himself in one of the apartments and what he sees is horrifying. Lying on a bed there is a woman completely catatonic with a horrible smile on her face and right next to her a terrified little boy.

Here is the best take on Jason's character so far. 

Realizing that the child is scared of the situation and the masked man that just came into his home Jason takes off his mask and reassures the kid that he is there to help, it's quickly made obvious that the woman has overdosed on Cheerdrops, he makes sure to call an ambulance for her stating that she seems to be in a  drug-related coma.

Its important to note that Jason is doing this as he is having troubling thoughts about how much this scene reminds him of the time he was in this little boy's (Tyler) shoes. Its hard for him but he soon realizes that he needs to make sure Tyler is safe. 

He asks Tyler if he has another parent, he does and his name is Andy, after taking a look around the house Jason deduces that maybe the father is also taking drugs so if the police comes they will surely take Tyler and put him in the system, this idea is not one Jason is fond of so he calls Oracle, he asks if she can locate Tyler's dad's phone, when she asks about the kid Jason says that he will be the one keeping him safe.

Now we find ourselves back with Batman where he is investigating the components of Cheerdrops, he finds out that the drug is a modified version of Scarecrow's fear gas that gives the victim a sense of extreme happiness instead of fear.

Here we get confirmation of when in the timeline this story occurs, which is after the events of Infinite Frontier (where there was an attack on Arkham and many patients/prisoners were killed or escaped).

B suggests to Oracle that maybe Crane didn't die there and that he might be behind this drug, he will be on the job right away! To this Oracle is like well shit, so she tells B that Jason is also working this case...and here comes a funny yet confusing interaction. 

Barbara says “I know you two aren't exactly friends right now but...” before she finishes Batman interrupts her by saying “He is a killer Barbara. I will do this alone.”

OH BOY is this interaction confusing! First of all may i point out how different this conversation is from the one in Three Jokers where the roles were basically reversed??? Please tell me that i am not the only one who finds that funny! Anyway that story doesn't matter here, but Red Hood Outlaw from Rebirth does, right?

Here is the thing, the last person that Jason “killed” in rebirth was Penguin and he actually didn't do it, he had him trapped in a panic room in his own Casino. Batman already beat the living shit out of Jason in RHatO #25 for it...and some time has passed, B surely found out that Jason didn't kill Penguin by now, i mean isn't he like the best detective to ever detective in the history of the universe??

Not only that but Jason has been using rubber bullets for a while and even at the start he mentions that, he basically implies that he is playing by the Bat's rules to keep him off his back. Maybe B hasn't let go of the duffel bag full of heads or any of the shitty people Jason killed during UtRH??? If B still holds that against Jason then why would he try to make Jason part of his Bat clan at the beginning of RHatO Rebirth? 

Maybe he still thinks that Jason killed the penguin...but even then isn't B working with Harley and Ghost-Maker? You know, people who have killed? Why is Jason different? Did Jason kill someone recently that we don't know about? Jason only kills a very distinct set of people (that are very not nice) so i guess i don't see the logic...

Anyway second flashback, and this time we have a look at what was going on in the Batcave with B and Alfred during the events of UtRH! Nothing that wasn't explored in UtRH is said here but we do see Alfred explicitly telling Bruce how much they failed Jason. There is a heavy insinuation that the fact that Batman keeps sending the Joker to Arkham only for him to escape and kill more people actually makes B responsible for those deaths and i love that. Thank you. 

Back to Jason and Tyler we get to see some very adorable scenes between the two. Jason gives the lower half of his mask to Tyler to protect his identity like a superhero and we have a really sweet moment in which Tyler chooses the Blue Hood as his name because he likes the colour blue (same Tyler).

After he leaves Tyler in a place where he will be safe he goes to the building where Andy should be and let me tell you the more Jason sees the less hopeful he becomes about Andy being just one of the people selling the drug... He does some shooting and incapacitating and then follows the man that is trying to escape and here is when shit hits the fan. 

Andy is a disgusting human being. He hates Tyler's mother and doesn't care that she might be dead and the piece of shit hates his son so much that he gave a barely 10 year old drugs. 

Yeah. BANG BANG BANG MOTHERFUKER. 

If you think that this leads to Jason being a little more like his UtRH self, you know the guy that said that people who gave drugs to kids will get killed without a thought...yeah that's not happening, here comes the guilt!

I get it he just killed a man, but, did you read what that man said?

Anyway that's how the first part of this story ends. 

The story is good. it has things that don't make much sense but i think it's because Zdarsky is a Batman fan and not a Red Hood fan in the sense that he doesnt know much about Jason's character and that this is his first ever DC work.

I cant wait to see where this story goes, while i hope “unresolved daddy issues” doesn't become a theme yet again in a Red Hood story i believe it's where we are headed. I will keep on reading because i am invested in Jason and Tyler's relationship and what is going to happen now that Jason killed Andy.

Let me know what you thought about the issue and my post if you want! Bye!

[dmsden]

Nuts & Bolts - Personal Plot for Artificers

Hullo, Gentle Readers. Don’t you love when a small town hero makes it big? I know I do. The Artificer has been a class I’ve loved for years, but it’s always occupied a niche existence over in Eberron. I certainly have allowed Artificers to creep out to other campaign worlds, but they’ve never been so completely embraced as they are now. With the release of Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, the Artificer has become part of Core D&D.  If you haven’t already gotten your teeth into the Artificer through Eberron, I strongly recommend picking up a copy of Tasha’s...and not JUST for the Artificer. You’ll also get tons of new subclasses, magic-items, spells, and other assorted goodies. It’s a big expansion to D&D 5E, and it’s a lot of fun to read.

A little grain of salt must be taken here. Your DM is, of course, the final arbiter of what works and what doesn’t in their campaign world. If they say that their world has no artificers, then that’s the final word. For my part, I’m happy to welcome the Artificer to D&D’s wider reality, and, even before I knew Tasha would feature these crafty folks, I had planned to write a Personal Plot article for them.

Someone playing an artificer is likely looking for a different kind of story. Their character, after all, is an inventor...maybe he got tossed out of magic school for praising works of metal and the forge. Maybe he’s always been drawing ideas for inventions in the dirt or on any surface she could. They might be a bit of a loner, or they may be super-excited to show their beloved inventions to the world. They may be excited to explain everything, or they may be more comfortable around mechanical devices than people. I find myself thinking of Entrapta from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. 

If I had an Artificer in my campaign, I would definitely talk to the player about what they’d like to see in terms of other inventors. If they’d like to feel there’s a more firm backing and to have their curious bit of technology somewhat supported, I’d likely introduce some kind of Inventor’s Guild. In a situation like this, there might be rivals, mentors, guildmasters, and all sorts of NPCs that your PC could have a relationship with. Maybe they have tasks they need to perform for their mentors or guildmasters, or maybe their rival’s made need for validation will lead to a climactic battle with a Warforged Titan.

A thirst for knowledge is likely to be driving the PC along. Did they create the technology they’re using, or are they drawing on ancient technologies recovered from a fallen Warforged Colossus, the mysterious “City of the Gods” from Blackmoor, or even a curious “metal cave” in the Barrier Peaks? If the PC salvaged and modified existing technologies, it would make sense for them to seek out other instances of this technology. In my own campaign ,the mystic technologies of the Old Ones would be a perfect springboard for an Artificer’s storyline.

To flip this idea on its head, the Artificer could understand how dangerous the technologies they unleashed are, and they could be acting to stop it. Percival de Rolo of Critical Role’s season one would make an excellent example of an Artillerist Artificer. A number of the campaign’s plots involved others who learned to use the guns that Percy more or less invented and trying to keep those out of the hands of those who would do evil with them. Imagine a Battle Smith Artificer whose father created a mighty mechanical servant that was stolen by an evil warlord. Perhaps a major storyline of the campaign would involve going after the warlord and finding a way to destroy the servant so that it could not be corrupted again. This adds a touch of Tony Stark/Iron Man 2 to the blend as well.

An interesting concept to examine would be if there were a reversal of the roles of technology and magic from how they are perceived in our world. Perhaps magic is considered natural and proper, and technology is viewed with suspicion and superstition. It might be entertaining if you had a well-respected wizard turning his nose up at this new-fangled tech, or even calling for an artificer to be burned for the heretical teachings they’re espousing!

I hope this has you planning some fun inventions to tantalize your techie pal, the Artificer, should one end up at your gaming table. If you have ideas for an Artificer plot, let us all know!

[tthael]

I apologize if you’ve already written about this before, but one thing I’ve been wondering about your Indelicate version of Eddie is in regard to his occasional tendency toward more (for lack of a better/less serious-sounding term) “aggresive” actions (e.g., throwing the lotion bottle, throwing the water, etc.) directed toward Richie. I know it was hinted at that the urges to aggress may sometimes be/have been the result of repressed or misconstrued attraction, but I’m wondering if some of it is also a result of Eddie’s injury and the related feelings of a lack of control over his own body? Like hypothetically, if Eddie were never injured or if we fast-forward to him completely healed, do you think that moments like that would still happen? Or am I just really reading too much into the fic and making up this aspect of it? Hope that makes sense - I just love your characterization of Eddie and I want to make sure I’m understanding as much as I can!

I actually haven’t written about this before, and I think that it’s a good thing that I take the time to meditate on it now, because I don’t want the idea that throwing things at your romantic partner is, like, a good thing.

So a lot of my thoughts on Eddie’s aggression derive from two specific aspects of his portrayal. The first (chronologically in Eddie’s timeline) is the portrayal of Eddie as high-strung, snappy, and verbally combative in IT Chapter One (2017).  Within the last year and a half I saw a post that pointed out that some of Eddie’s aggression--especially in interacting with Richie--probably derives from the high-stress situations of a) being hunted by an alien clown demon and b) being abused at home. I had a college professor discussing a history and trauma class point out that, “Traumatized people don’t always behave well.” There are the usual caveats that explanations are not excuses; however, I think that the constant knowledge that he has to return to Sonia’s house and the persistent alarms telling him when he has to take medication, so that even when he’s apart from her he can’t get away from her interference, means that Eddie’s under high pressure. And then you get to the point where all of the children in Derry are being hunted by an actual monster, and it’s a wonder that Eddie behaves as well as he does, because I certainly wouldn’t.

I usually like to incorporate some of book!Eddie’s dreamy introspection into his internal narrative in Indelicate, and I think that some of his pressures are relaxing now that he’s a) no longer living in a house with Sonia, b) acting specifically in ways that maximize his own agency (going where he wants with whom he wants, eating what he wants, actively rejecting much of her influence). However, he’s still got a lot on his plate, and some habits die hard. This is why I have moments of Eddie waiting with the perfect snappy comeback on his tongue, and then stopping himself because he knows it’s something he doesn’t mean. He doesn’t actually want Richie to never talk again, he loves it when Richie talks, and he’s struggling towards sincerity. I personally have a lot of difficulty letting go of the put-down jokes in favor of being sincere with the people I love, so I thought I’d give Eddie several moments of consciously choosing to be honest and kind with Richie.

The second influence on Eddie’s relationship to physically “lashing out” is his introductory scene from IT (1986), where he’s leaving home and Myra is chasing after him demanding explanations and wailing about how terrified she is. I know that there are lots of analyses of this scene and thoughts on Myra versus Sonia, and I’m not interested in those right now; however, what caught my eye was that Eddie sees Myra’s distress and his first thought is something along the lines of “you might as well hit her”--not that he wants to hit her and he has nothing to lose, but that his causing her emotional distress is as bad as physically abusing his wife. (I can’t recall at the moment whether Eddie’s section comes before or after Bev’s introduction, but I want to say that it’s before, and I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Bev and Eddie’s very different home lives are contrasted.)

So I thought, that as a boy child without a father, raised and abused by his single mother--and considering his issues with (as I write it) suppressed gay feelings, and the sort of “glass closet” I write him with--Eddie’s concepts of masculinity are probably pretty toxic. I think that in order to maintain control over Eddie, Sonia probably got very emotionally manipulative when he resisted her at all, especially as he got older and taller and physically stronger than her, and that she probably cried out things like “Eddie, you’re hurting me, how can you hurt your mother like this?” and made Eddie feel like the abuser (which is, I’m given to understand, a frequent tactic of abusers: reversing the roles to make the victim feel apologetic and guilty). I’m specifically thinking of the way that Gillian Flynn writes manipulative white women who weaponize white women’s fragility--Adora in Sharp Objects, since that’s actually the only Gillian Flynn book I’ve read so far. I think that Eddie would be very conscious of what he perceives as his capacity to be an aggressor, and it would be one more way that Sonia could keep him docile.

Later, with Myra--and I’m writing Myra more sympathetically in Indelicate than I did in Things That Happen After Eddie Lives, so I’m not interested in getting into the “is Myra abusive?” conversation right now, because I’ve written her both ways--I think that Eddie likely had a sort of learned helplessness about his own agency with Sonia that he then transferred onto his relationship with Myra. In Indelicate, I write him with a lot of reluctance to volunteer any information towards her, or his emotional state, or to make any of his wishes known (frequently she shoots them down as too extravagant, the way that I talked about Eddie’s relationship to money and luxury and Myra refusing a larger bed).

I write Eddie as largely unaware of his attraction to men until his near-death-experience, but only because he did not allow himself to connect the dots between what he thought of as physical symptoms (tunnel vision on hot man in coffee shop = optic nerve impairment, see doctor); but I think that Eddie was profoundly aware of his unhappiness in his marriage and just tried to reason with himself that everyone felt like that, and everyone was miserable and suppressing their own wants and needs, because that’s just what marriage is, and any other approach to his marriage would make him abusive, so Eddie and Myra’s marriage was emotionally volatile and extremely stressful.

Which is to say that Indelicate Eddie is a powder keg when Richie gets to him.

Again, I don’t think that throwing things at your romantic partner is an acceptable mode of interaction and I don’t want any readers to get the idea that that’s the underlying message of Indelicate, because it’s not. The scene with the moisturizer is derived from something that happened to me years ago (I was Richie, the guy I had a crush on was Eddie) involving a wayward Frisbee; the scene where Eddie tries and fails to throw a drink at Richie is derived from an anecdote of the early days of my parents’ marriage (my mother was Eddie), one that my father’s coworkers and boss loved to talk about and his best friend still brings up when they hang out.

However, Eddie’s relationship to physicality is also deeply informed by a tumblr post I saw over a year ago that talked about how Eddie grew up being told that he was fragile and delicate and sickly, and how Richie did not give a shit about any of that and was more than willing to just grapple him. For this fic, I decided to lean into that idea: that Eddie longs to be treated as though he’s solid and healthy and strong, and he finds a lot of relief in Richie <i>not</i> treating him gently. But because Eddie is actually physically injured in Indelicate, Richie is being careful not to break him while also dealing with Eddie’s very real (and largely unvoiced) desire for physical contact. It’s not an accident that at the end of the chapter in which Richie and Eddie have a shouting match that Richie wrestles Eddie to the floor and pins him and blows a raspberry on his belly--which is incredibly juvenile at the same time that it’s a display of Richie’s physical capabilities and Eddie finds that bizarrely attractive.

So, on top of Eddie’s desire for physical contact, his extreme stressors, and his lifetime of maladaptive coping mechanisms--the other thing that I consider when I write his dynamic with Richie is that Richie is not physically intimidated by Eddie at all. This is not because Richie is stronger than Eddie (he is) or larger than Eddie (he is). This is because there was a time in which Richie and Eddie found it perfectly acceptable to grapple each other as a form of interactions, because Richie and Eddie have known each other since they were seven years old. I even like to think that at one point, Eddie was the taller of the two, because Richie hit a really ridiculous growth spurt somewhere around the start of puberty and Eddie was something of a “late-bloomer,” and Eddie silently seethed about it through their entire adolescence.

So when Richie and Eddie lash out at each other--largely Eddie, because I think Richie, with his fear of the werewolf and of losing control and hurting someone--they’re building on sort of a lifetime of informal physicality. Stitchy does something similar in their Richie/Eddie fic where elements of roleplay always appear in their romance, because they were kids who played pretend games together, and when you have a bond like that with someone, it does permanently shape what sort of interaction you do and do not find acceptable. I also included a flashback into childhood where Richie gets angry with Eddie and very deliberately and methodically pushes him down on the ground and Eddie cries, not because Richie physically hurt him (he didn’t), but because it wasn’t in good fun there, that was Richie deciding to throw him around because he knew it would upset him.

So there’s a lot going into Eddie’s physically aggressive responses in Indelicate--the toxic masculinity that dictates the way that men are allowed to express anger and the ways in which they are allowed to touch each other; the profound stress that Eddie has endured for his whole lifetime without getting many better coping mechanisms; the feeling of lack of control of his physical body; a regression to childhood habits; and a deep sense of relief that Richie (being big, strong, and a man) is not vulnerable to him in the way that Sonia convinced him she (and later Myra) were.

I hmm’d and haww’d over a scene in the most recent chapter in which Eddie strikes Richie with an open hand (it’s a little slap on the chest, and I wanted it to come across very like the sort of corrective smack to the back of the head that I can imagine any of the Losers issuing to Richie back in 1989 when he shoots off at the mouth), because that’s not something I’d be comfortable doing to a romantic partner myself. Richie thinks nothing of it and turns it into a dirty joke, but I do need to get more into Eddie’s decision to touch Richie in kind ways in direct refusal of that “you construct intricate rituals that allow you to touch other men” facet of toxic masculinity.

I know it’s a ridiculously long answer, but it’s a serious issue and I wanted to give it the greatest possible consideration instead of writing something flip. Because both the incidents you named (ones I didn’t even realize formed a pattern, to be honest) are drawn from real life, I can’t say that they’re moments that are influenced by Eddie’s physical disability, but I do think they’re more influenced by his emotional state. I also think that as some of his stressors come off his plate and he gets more comfortable having an adult relationship with Richie, he’s going to stop throwing things at him. I even had Eddie stop after throwing the water, not just because it was ridiculous but because he realized how out of line he was in that moment. Recognizing when you’re out of control in an argument is, I find, an important part of self-improvement; and learning to walk away or to reset is a valuable skill.

Thank you so much for reading!

[sneakerdoodle]

I was going to release this as a long video essay but devices and software had conspired against me and eventually drained my patience, so here it is in the written form. My magnum opus. My 15 pages long analysis of the three Infinity Train seasons currently out. 

1. Introduction

So for starters, I watched Infinity Train way too late, only a few weeks before the release of Book 3. And it immediately gave me MANY many thoughts, head full... Needless to say, when the first 5 episodes of Book 3 were released I was HYPED. So hyped that, being on a vacation out in the countryside, with better connection only availble upon climbing a nearby hill, I made some. sacrifices. To get there after dark, when everyone else was sound asleep.

[id: two screenshots of separate discord messages by someone with a handle “fern”, one reading “ also i decided to not risk bothering people/dogs by opening the gate, so i jumped the swamp instead, except i didn’t actually cover it, my foot got stuck, i barely saved my shoe, and i need to do that again to get back bc i am locked out”, another reading “well” with a photo of a person’s legs covered in black dirst from feet to knees. end id]

And by the rules of friendly bullying, I am now destined to have that night haunt me forever. Naturally.

[id:discord chat search results for the word ”swamp” (38 results found), cropped so that a part of one message is readable, saying “... KNOW it was the SWAMP that embraced ME, not the other way around”, another (by someone with a handle “Fleur” saying “you already DID embrace a swamp”. end id]

[id: a message from the same person saying “he asks ‘how was your swamp’”. end id]

[id: a message from the same person saying “big words coming from mx. soggy feet” with an angry red overlay. end id]

And, well. The first two Books had left me with a sense of assuredness, the underlying motif of them appearing empowering and infinitely comforting, and I was excited to get another supporting pillar in season 3. Another story to turn to in time of need to remind me that I have the power to make my life a better one, that it is never too late to make something of where I am. And, well, it's not that Book 3 didn't continue the topic of personal choice and growth, but the story it told added... let's say, more weight to the idea of personal development. 

That is perhaps only natural: narratives need to grow, to develop, to take the themes explored in them further, deeper with every coil of the spiral. And a more, grave, exploration of them will only bring them closer to life. But in the aftermath of Book 3 I had to deal with a certain sense of powerlessness, not being able to fit it into a neat system, put it on a shelf in a shiny frame of witty analysis and call it a day. But, quite ironically, I believe that this exact feeling of unending change and death of comfort is the exact thing the show wants us to get comfortable with. And that's what I want to talk about here. Infinity Train's core narrative of an individual versus the wrold, individual versus change. The very concept of personhood, the relationship between the person and their environment and the way to approach it that is shown as perhaps the most productive. 

I’ll start with my Many Thoughts on the first two books to explain what I thought was the underlying message of both of them.

2. Book 1: The Perennial Child and the Unproducitve Protagonist Complex

Book 1 establishes the core elements of the narrative wonderfully, the writing is smooth, effortless, beautiful and takes you on a wonderul, deeply impactful and bittersweet emotional ride. We have Tulip, The Perennial Child herself, who has to renegotiate her relationship with the world, with life, change, and other people's power to bring said change. Tulip is also to learn true connection and make peace with its price.

The narrower narrative of a story centered around a divorce is a perfect gateway into a broader one, so let's explore the specifics of the foremer first. Tulip's mindset is the mindset of a child from a dysfunctional family. The notion of blame is very strong in her perception of the world. On one hand, she sufferes from a misplaced sense of responsibility for the way things are, as she admits in her conversation with One One. That is the most natural for someone who grew up in an unstable environment, with parents whose relationship was not harmonic and healthy.  A child caught in the middle of adults' anger and argumments internalizes that anger and those arguments as something having to do with them. And that's what we see Tulip go through, with her having to listen to her parents fight because of her needs. 

[id: a screenshot from Infinity Train Book 1 showing younger Tulip, a read-headed girl, sitting between her two parents upset as her father is telling something to her mother angrily. end id]

Tulip also has to step in as a caregiver to a suffering adult, tucking her dad in at night; the dialogue emphasizes that their usual roles are being reversed in that situation. Growing up in the middle of constant conflicts, having to provide care and comfort and stability to someone who was supposed to take care of her, had naturally resulted in a  deeply ingrained painful perception that Tulip is the one responsible for her environment, is the one to blame when it is “broken”, and is the one who should step up and fix it, make it right.

Then, on the other hand, there is the notion of blame Tulip puts on others, specifically her parents. Here, we see the same mindset but reversed: Tulip feels caught in the middle of their divorce and demands that they make it right, make it work, for her sake. She needs her family, she needs stability, she needs her parents to work out their schedules, she needs to get to the game design camp. And she is prone to seeing her parents as people who are cruelly destroying her life and her family for no apparent reason. 

I am not calling her entitled, of course; ideally, stability is exactly what parents need to provide their children with. That is their mission. And when they fail, it is more than natural for children to feel hurt and betrayed. In a way, they are. Tulip's agony over her parents' divorce is never mocked nor undermined in the show, either; it is shown with the deepest compassion. So this is not so much about calling her feeligns invalid, but about looking for ways to redefine the situation in a way that would help Tulip heal. The way out of her  agony seems to be to abandon the mindset that puts her at the center of her family life – and at the center of the world, in general. Things are not that simple; people have reasons for behaving the way that they do outside of how it affects her; and avoiding and rejecting that truth hurts her, first and foremost. Feeling like the center of the universe isn't so much selfish or arrogant or toxic; it's just painful, and Tulip needs to step out of it, for her own sake.

[id: screenshot from Infinity Train Book 1 showing the two adults from before, Tulip’s parents, with exaggerated demonic features, surrounded by flames. end id]

An important thing to discuss is that the notion of “blame” can only exist if there is indeed something wrong with the world. Let's go back to Tulip's defining conversation with One One, in which she gets to say some incredibly important words: “It's not your fault the car is this way.There isn't a fault, it just is.”. “No fault” can mean “no one to blame” as much as “there is actually nothing wrong with the world”. The words “It just is” carry this simple and raw reality check that forces us to accept the way things are, with no emotional withdrawal or avoidance of it. 

The world simply is the way it is, and even if the way it is hurts us, it doesn't mean that what hurts us is wrong. 

I would like to suggest that the Unfinished Car itself, the residents of which continue adapting to their unconventional reality and genuinely thriving in it through acceptance and flexibility, are here to emphasize that. We may not like the way things are, but that doesn't mean we should go looking for someone to blame and force to “fix” them, be out ourselves and others. We shouldn't ferociously attack what hurts us with wrenches, kicking and screaming and tyring to get it to Work Already. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to accept the reality of it, let go, and see what we ourselves can do to feel happy and content in the present circumstances.

Making peace with the way the world is, renouncing responsibility for it outside of her personal decisions, is exactly what Tulip gets to learn on the train. Being half-abducted by it during a time when Amelia has taken over and no one is there to give a nice welcoming message with specific instructions, Tulip is deeply distraught by the mysteries surrounding her, and infinitely frustrated by her seeming inability to 'logic' her way through the challenges. She boards the train as a girl whose main need is to create a semblance of control over her environment, through understanding it. 

[id: two shots of Tulip’s sketchbook where she is tryng to figure out train’s puzzles. end id]

She is at the center of the universe, she is responsible for the way things are, and it is up to her to figure them out.

That is a lone, individualistic journey of a single person who only wants to deal with their own life, their own problems, and Tulip does not welcome any companions at the beginnig of it. It makes sense for her to seek solitude: she feels overwhelmingly responsible for her own little personal world, just how unbearable would it be to let it merge with other people's lives, for her to suddenly be at fault when those she cares about are hurt? Not to mention that new people are new unknowns, new factors that can make her life harder, more confusing and painful. For a person stuck in her desperate desire for control, it makes a lot of sense to prefer to deal with her problems on her own and expect others to do the same.

Meeting One One, who is the first to care, and Atticus, who is there to dispense his pearls of wisdom about the resources we find in each other, the value of friendship and its ultimate worth in the face of responsibility and risk of loss that comes with it, is what helps Tulip find comfort and humility in her relationship with others. She is simply one of the many people influencing each other's lives; she is not at the center, not at fault for the pain that comes to others, even if they were hurt through their association with her; it was their chocie to lend her a hand or a paw, and they had the right to make that choice.

Similar humility of being just one of the many is found in Tulip's relationship with the world at large, too, shown through her relationship with the train. First, she is frustrated and impatient, trying to figure out the most rational logical way to proceed in her attempts to control what happens to her next. Then, as she finds joy and connection, things become easier, she finds a rhythm that works for her, as seen at the start of “The Ball Pit Car”. And then soon after that, in swoops Amelia, ready to wreck havoc and quench Tulip's progress by trying to kill one of her friends and turning the other into a monster, and pinning it all on her. 

Losing Atticus is far too big of a blow, and so Tulip gives up her lessons and falls into fatalism, feeling like she has no control over her fate, like she will never be allowed to make it off the train.

But the core component of Tulip's character is her ability to “bounce back”. She loses her progress quite tangibly, with the number going up – and yet reverses that development rapidly, when she gives it all another try and subsequently learns the truth about Amelia. Finding out that the current self-appointed conductor who has been terrorizing cars and threatening Tulip and her friends is just a person, Tulip asks a very important quesiton: “What's stopping me from doing what she did?”. She stops interpreting her surroundings as alien, hostile and created to act against her, in weird incomprehensible ways that seem to be mocking her attempts to find a shred of logic to them. Instead, she takes full control of her own actions and starts using her environment to her own benefits, much like Amelia did. But Tulip takes it a step further and approaches it in a healthier fashion. Where Amelia is desperately trying to make the world do her bidding, Tulip states a simple objecitve: help her friend, - and looks at her options.

Tulip steps into her power when she realizes her choices and actions matter and have full weight. That restores her faith into being able to help Atticus. She cannot control her surroundings fully, she cannot control how other people behave, and trying to make herself responsible for it is unfair to herself and others and hurts everyone. She can, however, make her own choices and use her own skills to strive to perserve what is important to her.

Once again, that mindset is directily opposed to Amelia's. In Book 1, Amelia is stuck in the constant attempts to recreate her life, to change the world around her, to bend her environment to her will instead of growing internally, accepting the change and adapting to it, taking responsibility for her own feelings and not for what surrounds her. The key motivation in the prison she has created for herself is grief. Unwilling to let go of the world she once shared with someone she loved, not wanting to accept the passing of something that was incredibly important to her, Amelia stagnates, rejects the thought of progress, of healing, of moving on. To start to get over such a loss is to create distance between yourself and what you are mourning. When you move on, you leave it futher and furher behind with each step. And so Amelia decides to stay exactly where she is: in the depth of soul-shattering suffering. Symbolically, she never even leaves the pod she was delivered to the train in, stays at the very beginning of her recovery journey, turns her pain into her armor until forcefully broken out of it by Tulip. 

The two characters are perfect for each other as counterforces; even more so, the very environment that Amelia has created, the one that frustrates Tulip with all the unanswered questions and mysteries, is the exact one that would motivate this girl to grow. This is something to keep in mind when approaching Infinity Train's narrative: Amelia is a perfect antognist to Tulip, and it is through encountering her that Tulip grows. Amelia's mistakes result in Tulip's progress.

A key moment in the two characters' confrontation is Amelia's offer to give Tulip a car of her own, where her and her family can be pitcture-perfect and happy in the exact way Tulip wants them to be. By that point in the narrative Tulip has already had to face the truth of her family situation, the reality of it, it not being anyone's fault nor her parents' whim, sad things simply just happening for reasons outside of anyone's control. And with Amelia's offer, she has to come painfully close to the truth that she has just started making peace with once again. She has to really internalize the fact that her real parents were not happy together, and wouldn't be happy in this simulated reality; and if they were, they would not truly be the people she knows. 

Tulip acknowledges the painful and beautiful truth of life: if you want to be surrounded by real people you can love, people that can love you, you need to give them the freedom to live their lives, freedom to hurt you, to walk away, to change the life you share, to have their own personal feelings that might be different from the ones you wish they had. They need to have freedom to make choices. It is scary, and it hurts, but that is the only way to have something real. While Amelia is obsessed with molding her environment in the image of her perfect life, and failing miserably, Tulip realizes that to reunite with her parents she needs to accept that, as long as they are in her life, things can change between them; and that is okay. That is the only way love can exist. With the risk of loss and pain, not any less worth it for that.

At the end of her journey, Tulip has learned the nature and price of connection, and her place in the complicated, irrational, incomprehensible world. She gets to accept that things don't need a reason for happening, that there is not always someone to blame and demand reparations from. She gets to accept that she is just one person -  but that realization gives her so much personal power. As just one person, she is free from the weight of the world she used to carry on her shoulders; as just one person, she has the full scope of her personal skills and power to protect herself and those she loves, to change with the world and adapt to it, once she starts treating it as a friend and engaging with it on its own terms. At the end of her arc, she truly gets to say that she is ready for everything: she learns a whole new way to approach life that makes handling change much less painful.

She is a protagonist that gives up the protagonist complex, telling her she is the central point of the larger narrative. And through that, she finds peace and flexibility.

What is fascinating is that the narrative itself then supports that idea by removing Tulip from the center of the show. In the next book we follow the arc of Lake, my beautiful perfect child. And with it being centered around the idea of Lake's personhood and them transcending the role of a denizen, that decision could not have been any more metatextually perfect.

3. Book 2: Cracked Reflection and the Relationship between Personhood and Connection

In the first season, Lake is a side character that appears for just one episode, contributes to the protagonist's journey and is then gone. But as the story shifts and focuses on them, we see their struggle as they try to break out of the role of a 'supporting character' and prove their completion and worth outside of their contribution to someone else's story. Their intial place in the narrative and their initial position within their own story echo each other beautifully, and this is the exact kind of writing excellency that has me absolutely hooked. Thank you Infinity Train.

Quite interestingly, the idea of personhood is explored in relation to the theme of connection. Lake shares their journey with Jesse, and the two character arcs mirror each other, dealing with the relationship between personal freedom and external bonds. 

Lake and Jesse operate under the same false pretense that to connect to people means to be what they want you to be, that in order to have friends you have to sacrifice who you are, what you want. They approach this false predicament from the opposite ends: Lake by avoiding any connection altogether and Jesse by readily caving in to peer pressure, adult pressure, just... general imposion of everyone else's expectations, because he suffers from the compulsive need to be liked and accepted. Lake refuses to fit in and is left to deal with their horrifying situation alone, Jesse hurts himself and those he loves in order to fit in.

It's very interesting how the narrative connects reflectiveness to connection. 'Empathy Goes', the song about friendship that Jesse sings, starts with lines “When I look at you, I see me” – words that take on a quite literal uncomfortable meaning for Lake. 

[id: a screenshot from Infinity Train Book 2 of a small girl looking at her reflection in a reflective child (Lake)’s head, Lake unamused. end id]

Then the thematic core of season 2 – Lake's conversation with the dying Sieve, in which the latter torments them – introduces the thought that, by befriending Jesse and helping him grow, Lake became what he needed them to be; became his reflection.

That is, of course, not true. The idea that Lake had simply fulfilled the role of a denizen is disproven by the fact that they are the protagonist of Book 2 that goes through the same journey as Tulip, meeting the exact people and creatures and foes that influence and challenge them in the most important ways. At the end of the day, their victory was not changing their external circumstances but their internal approach to them.

As this awesome person has pointed out, that to get off the train, Lake had to embrace their reflectiveness. However heartbreaking was their enraged plea to have their personhood recognized, they never really did change One One's mind. In his perception, they remained a denizen, “so good at helping”. 

The truth is, however, is that yes, Lake has helped Jesse - by being themselves unapologetically, by not fitting in, by showing him that that is an option, and in that life, you can still be loved and cared about – because Jesse without doubt cares about Lake very deeply. 

But Jesse has helped Lake, too, has changed them – by giving them connection and recognition, by showing them they can be accepted and loved without the need to change who they are, without the need to tailor themselves to another person and 'mirror' them. At the end, the two get one escape for two people – because their journey was a shared one, because their paths cannot be separated, because they have influenced each other equally.

 And much like Amelia was the perfect person to challenge Tulip, One One with his inability to think outside of the algorythm and acknowledge Lake's personhood, was perfect for challenging them and putting them into a situation where they had no other choice but to accept, acknowledge and appreciate the connections they have made, and the fact that those connections define them - partially.

Reflectiveness represents bonds, letting other people into your  life, letting them influence you, teach you something, ask something from you – and, fascinatingly, that seems to be a part of what defines us, gives us personhood. Are we just what we do for other people? No, obviously not. Are we simply what separates us from others, what makes us unique, who we are completely on our own, with no regard to what unites us with other people, what they bring into our lives and what we bring into theirs? The answer Infinity Train provides appears to be no, once again. 

Lake names themselves – finds a true, real name that they identify with, when they embrace their reflective nature and see themselves in a body of water that, yes, lets the world in, reflects it, while also undoubtedly having a life and depth of its own. Personhood, real, full human experience seems to be the subtle dance of individualism and connection, both what defines us as separate from others and what tethers us to them.

I mentioned how Lake's journey being similar to Tulip's is a part of what validates their personhood. That's one of those fascinating things in Infinity Train's writing: how the intial split of the cast into the passenger and supporting denizen characters appears almost like commentary on the protagonist complex, with Tulip actually having to internalize the idea that the world and her life are not centered solely around her, are not all about her happiness and growth, that some things happen just because they do, not because they have something to do with her. 

Then, opening with a lead that needs to outgrow the protagonist complex, the show moves on to that character's narrative foil and shows them grow into the central point of the narrative, fighting to have the world recognize them as the main character of their separate, independent story. And to us viewers there is no doubt that Lake is a person of their own and has full rights to personal protagonism – they  are the one we are watching, whose struggle is  the focus of the Book, they are who we sympathise with in the story. 

This wonderful meta decision really drills in the idea that every single character we only ever catch a glimpse of is the main hero of their own journey, and has a full life and full personhood outside of the role they play in the story we watch unravel. At the same time, as per the rules of narrating, we only see the people and events that serve the current protagonist's growth. Through that, and through being an antalogy that unravels by latching onto a secondary character time after time, book after book, exploring their own journeys and inner worlds, Infinity Train creates a breathtaking polycentric model of reality, in which every single person is the main character on their own path, with people around them contributing something of value to that path – and the main character contributing something to theirs, becoming in turn a secondary supporting character in someone else's story. 

Tulip and Atticus are a wonderful example of that: embarking (hehe) on the same journey for different reasons, helping each other, accepting the responsibility that comes with being each other's friends and companions, welcoming the pain that comes with connection and at the end aiding each other in their quests. And Jesse and Lake are much the same. 

The idea of companionship being the escape is only directly introduced in Book 2, but it had already sprouted in Book 1. The themes of connection, renegotiating one's relationship with the seemingly hostile world, and coming to terms with everyone's place in it as one of the many, but having endless personal power over our own narrative, are constantly and continuously present in the show, with the differnet smaller plots and character arcs beautifully overlapping.

___________________________________________________________

Analyzing all of this in the past, I felt incredibly secure and confident in the seeming underlying lesson. That there is no reason to fight the world at large, the things that are outside of your or someone else's control.  And that doesn't mean “not standing up to those who are hurting others”, as shown in Tulip's confrontation with Amelia, Jesse's confrontation with the Apex. It means that some things, like where you have come from, what the relationships of people around you are, and who you have lost, cannot be changed, and our subconscious attempts to fight them only hurt us in the end. 

The idea of our boundless ability to find resources in ourselves and people around us, learn from people that surround us, accept their help and offer them ours, find love once we accept the change love brings; the idea that we always have the ability to thrive in our current circumstances, once we accept that we ourselves are getting in our own way, out of the unwillingness to let go of something we hold dear; the idea that we can always, always bounce back, that it is never too late for any of us, and that true companionship will always be there to give us escape... 

The idea of the world as our friend, with its own will and wishes, something that is not to be controlled and bruteforce- reasoned  through, but something to engage with... 

These all gave me strength, held me up, and gave me a new paradigm that allowed me to look at the reality from a place of comfort and assuredness. The paradigm of the complicated web of life where everything is in its place, where our shortcomings create valuable lessons for someone else, where our choices, even if they hurt us and others, create lessons, as established by Sieve,  have their place in the big picture, like what we see with Amelia's mitakes and Tulip's progress. 

Then, the idea that in that big picture, you are exactly where you need to be, always, because you always have the only thing you need to grow and recover and thrive – you have yourself and the people around you. How infinitely comforting this is, how solid.

And then Book 3 has arrived. And holy shit y’all.

4. Book 3: Cult of the Conductor and Trust vs Control

And once again, this season has not necessarily disproven all of the aforementioned stuff, just... put a lot more emphasis on the reality of pain people have to endure. In this book we had to witness simultaneously a recovery – within Grace's arc, - a descend – within Simon's, - and an actual, raw trauma, that Hazel had to suffer through on screen. We had to watch Simon murder Hazel's caregiver and repeatedly make her feel unsafe, and Grace withdraw herself and leave Hazel alone because of her ungoing identity crisis. We have to come uncomfortably close to the reality of the pain that shapes people, and with how horribly we all can hurt each other. That pain is no longer obscured by the passage of time, it's not something in the character's past. And that is... very rattling.

But, once again, the constant running themes and motifs remain. Once again, the show tackles the idea of change, of connection and the relationship between the individual and the world. 

Regarding the latter, what we see with the Apex is the protagonist complex projected on a group. The Apex myth simultaneously places them at the top of the world – hence the name – and makes them the poor victims of the evil False Conductor that of course seeks to destroy them and targets them specifically. Grace and Simon developed the idea of themselves and their group as the sole people for whom the train exists, as well as the chosen deliberate targets of the entity that had taken over their environment, instead of accepting that maybe the world does not revolve around them!

Upon meeting Amelia they learn that they are not chosen, that they are not on the train because the outside world did not recognize their value, that there was never someone at the top who had their best needs in mind, and that the entity that calls the shots now does not actually know anything about them besides the fact that they exist.

The theme of connection makes a comeback hand in hand with the motif of empathy, with the book opening with Jesse's song 'Empathy Goes'. And that's what's being explored in Grace's and Simon's respective arcs with relation to denizens: their ability to show compassion and recognize someone else's personhood.

The narrative is multi-layered here. On one hand, what is being explored is a group mentality, a cult mentality that paints the outside world as simultaneously inferior and hostile, and we can see Grace and Simon accidentally inventing some pretty mean propaganda techniques. Whew, those kids. But then on the other, the idea of denizens as projections, 'nulls', incapable of actual feeling, only pretending to be real people... this brings to mind such complicated and staggering concepts as philosophical zombies or the idea of the world as something that is simply a projection of your, you currently reading thinking person, brain, where nothing is real except for your own consciousness. And since it is simply impossible to possess others and make sure they are indeed living breathing feeling creatures and not just NPCs in one wild, wild dream, empathy becomes a fascinating choice. What we're left with is 1) believing that other people do in fact feel what they say they do, 2) treating them with respect just in case or because being mean feels bad, or, 3) you know, deciding that we're on top of the world, and are the Apex predator, and everything exists for us, and we can do whatever we want with people around us.

It's interesting to see this mindset as a group mentality, but it makes sense, too; with the Apex we get to watch what happens when a group only recognizes the personhood of those that are a part of it. The thing is, there is no actual empathy within that group, either; we see that once Grace stops fitting into it as smoothly. To the Apex, she becomes a 'void', a nothing, something hollow, devoid of status and power and therefore rights and feelings that need to be respected. Simon's approach is “whatever I do not like is not real”, so by proxy, the new version of Grace is nothing, and should be erased.

This lack of empathy can be tracked deeper and deeper down to Simon as the extremely tyrannical leader, his refusal to recognize the personhood of anyone who does not agree with him. It is natural for us all to act as if what we believe is correct; otherwise, why would we believe it? But Simon takes it to the extremes, refusing to even for a second consider an alternative point of view, and ends up locked in a mindset in which he is the only person entitled to the ability to see the truth, and everyone else somehow is inferior and incomplete. That's the protagonist complex, that's the experience of a person who considers themselves at the center of the world. Why would he out of all people be the keeper of truth? He simply does not ask himself that, because he does not stop to think about the existence of others, or their experiences.

However, it wouldn't be correct to say that Simon is completely devoid of empathy. It's just that his version of it is extremely self-centered and unable to discern between his personal situation and someone else's reality. As my awesome friend @buttercup-bug​ has pointed out, the relationship between Grace and Hazel and Simon and Hazel is built on extending that limited, conditional empathy. As they have noted, the golden and silver masks at the start of the season that are performing the song 'Empathy Goes' represent the two of them, the golden one directly intersecting with the one Grace wears, and in general gold and silver matching their color schemes. 

The position of the masks matches their position on the stage, as well: they are the two leading figures in the big messed-up play that is the Apex, removed from reality, avoiding it, living in their own little world. They perform that reality in different ways, Grace leading with smiles and emotions/emotional manipulation, Simon being more uptight and serious. 

[id: two shots from Infinity Train Book 3, showinng first a scene with halves of two theatrical masks, a sorrowful and a laughing one, surrounded by undefined actor creatures; then Simon and Grace, two young people, Simon white and blonde, Grace black, with shortr dredlocs, wearing a golden masks, holding hands with each other and two other kids in a curtain call manner, with fire raging behind them. end id]

Now, returning to the empathy motif: as it was pointed out to me, the two extend their empathy to Hazel in their own ways, representing their relationship with the inner child. Grace relates to Hazel as a lonely young girl seeking connection with other children, and engages with her in a fun, upbeat way, making it so they enjoy each other's company and spend time together like friends do. That helps her get closer to Hazel, get genuinely attached and through that let Hazel influence her worldview a bit, and be there for Hazel through harder, less fun things as well, till.. a certain point.

Simon, on the other hand, sees himself in Hazel as someone stranded on the train and under the care of a denizen, and automatically perceives Tuba as a threat. And he expresses his empathy in a direct, serious, violent way, by doing what he thinks needs doing: by getting rid of  Tuba without making time for smiles and fun times. 

Grace is the leader, she engages with people emotionally, making them feel needed and special and through that keeping the group together. Simon is the general who leads the army in what he perceives as the Apex's attempt to protect themselves. His approach does not leave much space for bodning. And it makes sense for him as someone much more focused on safety to have his understanding of denizens as dangerous run deeper, be more at the forefront, in his focus. He’s the one calculating the “danger levels” of encountered denizens. And of course the incident with The Cat makes it much more personal. I think it's fair to assume that both Grace and Simon must've had some unfortunate run-ins with the inhabitants of the train, with Grace being initially so set in her belief that denizens are dangerous because they are unpredictable, and you never know what they will do next. Though the only time we actually see her endangered is by the steward that Amelia had reprogrammed. Either way, the two had started off feeling endangered by the unpredictable and unreliable creatures surrounding them, and probably, in their attempts to find a reason to trust each other and feel safer around each other in a dangerous and confusing world, decided that passengers must be inherently good, denizens must be inherently bad.

There is, however, no actual trust in that, none at all between them. 

I'd say that “trust”' is the core motif of season 3. Infinity Train tends to adopt an aphorism that keeps reappearing throughout a season, pronounced by different characters or in different contexts, highlighting the thematic movement and change and the development of the theme within the plot. In Book 1, it was the collocation “bounce back”, as the core of Tulip's character. In Book 2, we had “You can't spell 'escape' without 'companionship'”. In Book 3, our boy Roy introduced the phrase “Teamwork starts with two people trusting each other”. Simon's horrifying rendition of it emphasized the idea that not everyone counts as a person, so not everyone is deserving of trust. You can only rely on those who fit your narrow criteria of one. 

However, even when Grace and Simon were on the same side of the barricades they've built with their own hands, they could never actually trust each other. Their bond and their care for each other were extremely conditional, hinging on the ultra specific image of a passenger, and influenced by the power hierarchy they had created. 

We see that Grace is reluctant to trust Simon or the Apex with the changes happening to her, with her number going down, because she didn't want them to think “less of her”. Her personal  issues, her fear of loneliness and abandonment and the idea that she needs to be something specific, someone who is always strong and right for people to stick around her, have certainly played into that. Grace is so used to comforting herself through saying the world is mean to her because she is special; she wears her “special” status as a mask, she has the highest number, she is “so good at the train”, and that's what keeps others around her in this reality, keeps them needing her. But it's not actually about her as a person. But it is also just the system the two have established. Numbers are power; one's number going down is their failure. 

The amount of trust only diminishes as the plot progresses, with Grace's perspective shifting but her not being able to trust Simon with those thoughts and feelings – quite understandably, since he remained adamant about his beliefs till the very end. Grace could never truly trust Simon outside of the invented value system they've been existing within for many years. And that is reflective of her constant inner struggle, not being able to trust anyone with her self, without any myth explaining why she is awesome and irreplacable. Hazel was the first person who spent time around Grace while also falling out of the equation, not being influenced by the Apex propaganda, and that is why their bond was so life-changing to Grace – aside from the aforementioned grounds for empathy.

Now, was Simon ever able to truly trust Grace? I think he desperately needed to, and facing the fact that Grace has in some ways betrayed that trust by keepings things from him was one of the things that played into him going off the rails. (...That pun was not intended. ) 

As it was pointed out many times by many viewers, Simon seems to know quite a lot about funerals, which means that he probably had to attend one as a kid. Then, his relationship with The Cat seems to be a metaphor for neglectful parenting due to an addiction. The Cat is a collector, her treasures seeming to be extremely important to her. The voice in which Simon says the words “She is collecting again” hints on a long, ongoing problem. Then in the memory of his meeting with Grace, we see that The Cat had actually probably endangered him on one of her car crawls. Overall, Simon's childhood seems to had been an extremely unstable one, with nothing and no one he could truly rely on, with parental figures either dying or neglecting him. It is similar to Tulip's struggle, but most likely running even deeper.

We see Simon continuously leaning on Grace, which at times causes her frustration: she snaps and asks bitterly if she always has to tell him what to do. When Grace starts behaving weirdly, starts changing, acting in a way that Simon can't understand and is not used to, he probably feels endangered, like his life is growing incomprehensible and unstable once again, like things are slipping through his fingers and out of his control. 

But at the end of the day, not one of them was truly relying on the other. Grace never trusted Simon to just stick around because he liked her, she needed the upper hand, the leading position, the idea of being “very good at the train”, and the system in which they should stick together as the passengers threatened by the dangerous environment and “the false conductor”. Simon never truly trusted Grace as we should trust those we love: with the freedom for them to grow and change and still remain someone we can feel safe and happy around. Instead of taking that leap of faith and relying on her to do right by him, he was in fact leaning on the system they've created, clinging to it desperately to the very end. People may change, but the system will stay the same, as long as he doesn't reconsider his worldview, and he had decided to never abandon it, whatever happens.

The lack of trust is warranted by their treatment of each other. How could Simon rely on Grace if she had never shown him her true self? How could Grace trust Simon with her genuine self if he needed her to be something very specific and unchanging? Their bond, while being something that helped them through the lonely existence in a weird, dangerous place, was in fact incredibly, tragically toxic. That is not something that people acknowledge easily. These two held onto their semblance of friendship for dear life, but that only worsened their respective problems, made them less and less capable of actual genuine friendships.

Both of their characters are very complex and convincing, and before I speak directly of some less pleasant parts of them  I want to establish that I love Grace and am so very proud of her, and glad to see that a Black woman character did not remain an antagonist and got explored deeply and compassionately. And that while I was absolutely enraged by Simon's actions throughout the season, I can also appreciate the depth and complexity of the show's writing in his arc, and the tragedy of it, and I do feel for him quite deeply. 

It is also worth mentioning that, even tho they are on the older end of 'kids', they are both kids still, with their formative years spent in unfortunate, unhelpful environments, and the age of growth and self-discovery happening in an actual cult, even tho it is one they had locked themselves into.

So now, to what can be perceieved as the darker parts of their characters. A unifying element of both Grace's and Simon's characters are their desire for control. Both scared of what life would be without it, they bend over backwards to make people behave in the way they need them to. 

Grace does that through emotional manipulation, she directs her entire demeanor into making people see her as the most knowledgable and powerful, someone they need. She makes them want to be a part of the gang, telling them that it makes them special and brave, as well as making them belive that the outside world means them harm, which is... a classic cult tactic. She hides the truth from them when the truth threatens her position and bonds with them. In the culmination of her personal growth, she admits the reason behind it: she did everything in her power to not be left alone. She tried to control the way other people see the world, and through that control how they see her, thinking that that will make them want to stick around. But her manipulation was what kept her from creating genuine connections, so after she first fell out of her own equation and then pushed Hazel away in the last desperate attempt to fit back into it, there was no one left around her. She made people need her cult, not her person. She never let them know the real her that would make them want to stay. The truth is that people change constantly, and we can't eternally push ourselves to live up to a specific expectation, so any attempt to keep people around with anything else than our genuine self are simply doomed.

Simon does not have the same talent for manipulation that Grace does, despite his attempts to use her own techniques on her when trapping her in her memories. 

[id: screenshot from Book 3 showing Grace looking at Simon, who’s sitting next to her with a grave expression on his face. end id]

Lacking subtlty, he seeks to control the world around him through brute force. We see him repeatedly grabbing Grace in an unsettling, scary, invasive and violent manner. He is unable to influence her mentality like she influences the mentality of other people. He can't act subtly, through emotion and manipulation. And his desperation to control the world and force it to work in ways that suit him get externalized through physical aggression. 

That does not excuse him, nor does his desperation warrant sympathy, but the idea of his shows of power being actually signs of powerlessness seems... captivating, reassuring somehow. People who lash out at us do so because they don't actually get to control how we feel, and never can. They can influence and wound us deeply, but they can never actually fully control us, they don’t get to rewrite us.

...Buuut back to the character analysis. Much like Grace who at the start was holding the position of “whatever doesn’t pleases or entertains me gets wheeled” (perhaps a reflection of her “never needed them anyway” attitude seen in how she feels about her failed attempts at friendship), Simon also denies everything that doesn't suit him, not just the value of it but the reality of it, too. Despite all reason, he refuses to believe that he had been living a lie for the last uhh number of years. If something isn't working the way he wants it to, if someone is behaving in a way he doesn't like, he deems them broken and wrong. As Grace points out, her memories are only a true and reliable source to him as long as he likes them, and once he doesn't, they must be lies. 

Simon is the very embodiment of stagnation, complete lack of flexibility – out of his compulsive need to control the world, to have it remain the same and stable, after the turbulences of his childhood. He is very, very much like Tulip – but he is not given a chance to 'bounce back'. Amelia, another example of deep stagnation and refusal to accept the changes in the world, is allowed that decades after boarding the train. She might never leave it, but she can still make an effort, she can still grow, bit by bit. Simon never makes it to the point where he is ready to accept the reality and start making peace with it.

I assume that for the biggest part of the show he is simply constantly triggered. He spends time with Grace, like they used to, before the Apex – but they met and started travelling together right after The Cat had abandoned him. Then they encounter a child who has no one but a supposedly unreliable denizen taking care of her – another thing to remind Simon of his own neglect. Then they straight up bump into The Cat, and Simon learns that her addicition is still active, that nothing has changed, that what happened to him wasn't enough for his parental figure to reconsider her ways. Then things start changing, Grace starts behaving differently, abandones the 'passenger-denizen' binary and makes him feel more alone and directionless than he probably has been in years. 

But after he traps her in her tape and returns to the Apex, there is at least a couple of month for him to get out of the spiral and reconsier. All Of That. and yet he doesn't. At this point his actions are not solely motivated by the very unstable state he was in – which is not to say that he wouldn't need to take responsibility for them either way. But a certain amount of time and distance from it all could have been used for reflection, and yet Simon stays firmly in his position of clinging to the system and revelling in the ultimate control he had found by becoming a leader. He creates a myth of Grace as someone who is worthless because she is unfit to be a leader. He paints himself as more reliable and powerful through the firmness of his beliefs. With him, you can always know what the rules are going to be, how to be the best. Perhaps, in his twisted horrifying perception, he was giving the Apex kids the stability he'd never had.

Going back to the question of why Simon was not given the opportunity to bounce back... Obviously, a core element of his character is his refusal to change in any form, and that’s on him. But with making peace with change being a big theme in the show from season 1, with Amelia doing the same for decades and eventually getting to a place where she had finally accepted it... This is a heavy and fascinating narrative decision.

It's good to consider that Amelia never actually succeeded at controlling the world in the way that she needed. Among all the characters, her grief was the most hopeless, most desperate: she tried to reverse time, she tried to bring someone back to life. Unlike her, Simon achieved some at least perceived control that he had been striving for. The danger of his character is that he executed his power over actual physical people, and he felt like he could actually decide what their life was going to be, what his life was going to be. He never got to lose it all, like Grace did. He never got to face just how hollow his illusion of control was. So in some ways within his arc him not getting redemption makes sense. 

But what does it mean for the show at large, for the underlying message? It feels inconsistent with the Infinity Train's narrative to just make Simon out to be a cautionary tale of what happens to those who deny change, or a foil to Grace who did ended up accepting it; we've already established that in the show's polycentric system, every character is more than just a part of someone else's journey, has full existence and autonomy outside of that.

Once again quoting my wonderful smart friend @buttercup-bug​, I want to refer to the end of season 3 in which Grace tells the ex-Apex kids that it is not fair for her to decide for them what their place on the train is, who they are, what life is to them; and in the same way, the unconcluded story of this book can be open to interpretations, with every one of us getting to choose what to take out of the simple reality of it. Simon's story simply happened. We can take whatever lesson we need from it. 

But before we part our ways and each one decides what to think of the bone-chilling end of his arc, I want to point a couple more things out.

5. The Train as a Metaphor for Life

Something that has really fascinated me about the show's narrative ever since my marathon of the first two seasons is the concept of the train. One One seems so very sure the train inspires growth, and yet, as we have learned in season 3, he, the Conductor himself, does not actually know much about the passengers' life aboard it except their numbers. There is no established system, there is no assigning of the denizens, there is no rulebook for them, they are not aware of the specific problems of the passengers they meet. Passengers can actually die on the train, which is wild if the goal of it is to make them grow and flourish. We are so used to thinking that to heal, one needs a perfectly supportive, comfortable and safe environment, and yet the train is challenging, dangerous, unpredictable.

I think the idea here, with characters time after time having to come to terms with life being confusing, ever-changing, often painful and entirely outside of our control, is that the train is not necessarily there to soothe the wounds but to raise the stakes, challenging people in such a way that their choices and their actions and approach to the reality have much more serious consequences. Tulip learns to accept help and help others in situations that actually threaten her and her loved ones, while what she would risk in the past when shutting herself off was just upsetting some friends and family and, you know, being fundamentally alone. Jesse went from letting others bully his brother to balancing on the edge of selling Lake out, which would end their entire existence. Grace went from being a child who creates fights and eggs others on to do something stupid to being an actual teenage cult leader. The train raises the stakes exponentially, and that makes everyone on board reconsider the real price of their actions.

Aside from that and giving specific directions for growth through numbers, though, it doesn't really... do anything. It functions the way life functions: things just happen, people just behave in ways that make sense for them, and everyone has full autonomy. At the same time, we see characters encounter the exact companions that make them grow, the exact enemies that challenge them in the most important ways. To once again quote Fleur @buttercup-bug​ a.k.a. the established sponsor of all of the behind-the-scenes Infinity Train discussions, the train is both ambigious and very meta, and “acts both as a narrative arc machine in a storytelling sense and as a lesson provider in a life sense, which bridges the gap between story and reality in a really personal way”. 

That is a wonderful way to put something that captivated me upon my first watch. The train is a metaphor for life. It is contrasted against the metaphor for death or non-existence: the  lifeless wasteland through which it is constantly moving, the wasteland populated by soul-sucking parasites also symbolical of nothing other than death. The train is life that is always moving, never the same, outside of our control, bigger than us, not obeying our wishes no matter how hard we try, challenging, populated by other people that have their free will, which often hurts us. And yet, the train is a provider of companions, which are to be our escape. And they are not crafted or tailored to us, nor are we crafted for them - and yet as our paths intersect, we impact each other, and we learn from each other in incredibly meaningful ways.

When thinking about this, I've landed on two possibilities. Either the Engine or the Train – something separate from One One – is a great and omnipotent mind capabe of foreseeing how things would unravel to everyone's utmost benefit, placing the correct people at the correct places, weaving an incredibly complex web of connections in which we always meet the companions we are supposed to meet ot exchange lessons with... or it doesn't need to be at all. And I think I like the latter much more. 

The train doesn't need to be that, because, as I've already proposed earlier, ourselves and the people around us, whoever they are, are all we ever need. Wherever you are right now, wherever the Universe has put you, you are supposed to be there, not because it has some grand plan and knows something that you don't, but because no matter your circumstances, you already have what you need for growth. You have yourself and you have other people and their stories, and the connection they can offer you. (Hazel, who is perhaps the most mature character we meet – which is tragic considering how many dysfunctional adults she has to be around – seeks to connect with everyone around her who is not outwardly dangerous, no matter how little in common they seem to have. And eventually something is found, some strand of connection, creating empathy.) People around you always have something to offer. You yourself always have something to offer.

I would hold onto that idea, as well as the idea of “bouncing back”, of it never being too late to get better. And I felt a bit off-balance when Simon was not given a chance to do that. But in a way, shifitng the story from fated encounters that kickstart someone's progress, like the one between Tulip and Amelia, Lake and Jesse, gives even more weight to this concept, by putting our personal decision to change into focus. 

It's not all about meeting this one specific person who will show you the error of your ways; even more so, sometimes people who have a lot in common and mirror each other hold each other back instead of helping each other grow. Sometimes one of them changing only pushes the other further down when they refuse to accept that. And at the end, it is all up to us. 

Getting a little bit existential here, but we are fundamentally the only ones who define our lone separate experience, and we are always on our own and solely repsonsible for ourselves. Connection is always there to support us, to teach us something, and playing a role in someone's life is what makes us real and vice versa, and at the same time we are all masters of our own destiny. We do not bear responsibility for other people's actions, and they do not bear responsibility for ours. Some environments are more suited for our growth, some less, but at the end of the day the choice to take whatever opportunities we have is up to us. 

Which means that we don't have to sit around waiting for the Logical Point in our character arcs to achieve a breakthrough. The world is always there for us to engage with, to hear what it has to say. The question is, are we ready to accept it? To see it for what it is? With time it will grow louder, ignoring the truth we're avoiding will become harder, but the choice to listen is always ours. We can do it sooner rather than later. Or we can do it... never, refuse the reality, refuse change and the nature of life. Because we are the ones responsible. We can't blame the world for not delivering the needed lessons sooner in life, because even if it did, nothing would stop us from ignoring them. We can't feel entitled to endless lessons and endless comfort from people around us. We should take care of ourselves. 

Which means that, wherever we are, at any point of our lives, we can always grow if we listen, if we open ourselves up to the truth. And the truth is that  life is incredibly, undescribably complicated. It stretches across so many different individual experiences, and it does not prioritize a single one of them. We are a part of such a vast web of events and connections, and it is foolish to consider that the world is the way it is just to spite you or hurt you, or that it should change, stop and start spinning in the opposite direction just to ease your pain. 

Things happen that no one is to blame for. There is no fault in the way the world is. Nothing is broken. Life goes on, endlessly, life changes, people change, people leave, people hurt us. That is okay. We can always change ourselves, we can be flexible and open and alive, we can extend our hand to the world and work together with it in true companionship.

Life is the way it is, wild and uncontrollable, and you cannot escape it, you cannot escape change, as long as you are alive. But you can make peace with that. Through acceptance, love and connection.

Gohms, creatures dwelling in the desert that symbolizes non-existence, parasites that symbolize death, are what awaits those who choose to get off the train. Those who try to escape the endless movement and challenges of life. You cannot truly stagnate, you cannot stop moving, you cannot stop things form changing, as long as you exist. As Simon attempts to control the world, still it, for the very last time, that is what happens to him. He stops existing. By refusing change, he refuses life itself. And loses it. And maybe it's not about him never getting to arrive at a point that would tip him over and change him. Maybe it's about his choice to not take all the opportunities that were presented to him before. Maybe he could've done something very different, whether that would have changed his fate or not, with whatever time he had left.

[lovestrucked-again]

Profiles and How They Treat You - Mafia NCT

Masterlist / Part 2 : I’m planning to do only NCT2018 group as I’m not too familiar with WayV yet unfortunately. Please leave any feedback :) Not too sure how this concept will be liked yet. 

Taeil (Underboss) He manages any suspicious activities that may draw attention to the boys and the missions they’ve been completing. Considering most of their plans involve some sort of attention attracting tasks, Taeil is the one who covers all their traces (mainly because he’s the only one who can be trusted to do a good job at it). He manages to maintain good relationships with public officials such as lawyers, police officers, anyone who may be an advantage in the long run.

- Solemn, Quiet, low-key affection type - In charge of making things comes out as accident and looking like everyday problems

Johnny (International and Domestic Affairs) He’s normally one of the easiest to find within the household with his constant conversations going on. His voice can be heard almost 24/7 and usually it’s to some politician or important person. He normally sits on a comfy chair outside on the balcony from his room, trying to maintain a tranquil peace of mind while conversing with ignorant people. His involvement with international partners allows members such as Lucas and Doyoung to retrieve things they need from abroad. Additionally, keeping an association with such companies and people provides more power to NCT as a whole.   - The biggest switch from stern to soft; he’ll seem extremely serious talking about work but then have the biggest reversal into throwing aegyo at everyone - Constantly making fun of Y/N (in a loving way)

Taeyong (Leader) Most of the time he’s at the office or in the headquarters (basement) sorting through missions and prioritising what needs to be done. Outside of the house Taeyong is cold-blooded, brutal, stone-faced, threatening and every other scary word you can think of. If there are deals or arrangements that need to be done with international partners, Taeyong will consult with Johnny and Ten, gathering their opinions on the matter. Majority of the time, the customers are usual business partners but the probability of betrayal when making deals is high. He doesn’t participate in field missions unless the scale of the task is considered significant. He’ll keep an eye over the boys from headquarters with the tech boys.

Due to NCT being such a notorious gang, his completely against the idea of you leaving the house alone, afraid that there’s someone who will take advantage of you or use you against him.

- Very protective of the ones he loves - Soft with the dreamies and Y/N - Code of warning, never approach this man when he’s angry. - During his relaxing mind he prefers to be in the kitchen alone or with others. He likes to experiment with cooking and a lot of the kids enjoy whatever he cooks.   - Always checking the younger boys’ rooms before he goes to bed to make sure their asleep.

Yuta (Interrogation) His specialty is differing between lies and truth. He as the talent to notice little details about expressions and movements. Unlike many of the guys, Yuta is able to hide his impatience if he feels it’s necessary. He portrays himself as multiple different roles such as a sympathetic man, or play the good cop, bad cop, depending on who the person is. If nothing nice works (majority of the time), he’ll resort to using methods of discomfort including drugs and in worse case scenarios, torture.

Yuta is always your go to for advice. The way he talks about life and the things his witnessed makes his words so much more convincing and elegant. Maybe it’s because of what he does but he doesn't hesitate with advice. He’ll tell you straight what he believes and won’t go around in circles to avoid anything. He really treasures spending time one on one with everyone and so your relationship with him is one of the strongest. He’ll take you out all the time for dinner and you’ll ask him for help while you eat. - Really good at keeping straight faces - When his not inside the interrogation room, his pretty much always chatty and smiling

Kun (Medic) Due to the overloading amount of injuries and health issues the boy’s face, Kun was forced to find an assistant to help him when missions were hectic. So when Kun’s not busy looking after anyone, his either studying about health and healing processes, looking for vulnerable spots for attacking or teaching Renjun things like basic first aid as well as surgery assisting.

When it comes to the younger individuals, Kun tends to baby them out of habit. He worries a lot for the safety of the boys whenever they go on missions and his usually watching on the screens or preparing the medical equipment in advance of their return. You normally stay by his side when everyone’s gone as he portrays himself as to be the least affected. His been with Taeyong for a long time now so he is accustomed to the situation, but his fear of the boys returning with injuries beyond his capability haunts him constantly. - “Y/N can you come help me with stocktake for emergency kits.”  He’ll usually call you over before the missions to help him and keep your mind busy.

Doyoung (Intel specialist) Doyoung’s job is the foundation of the missions. His job includes tracing gangs, people or items to their exact coordinates. He can gather blueprints of all buildings possible, even for abroad. During missions he’ll be set up with Jisung connected to the earpieces with all the members on the field. Doyoung will usually guide the members while Jisung hacks into control of security systems and gains access to cameras. - Constantly nagging at you and complaining how you’re not going to survive all alone in this world. - Tell’s you off for not eating your meals at the right times, not studying, not exercising or not participating in training. - Constantly sending you nutritional plans from those healthy articles for girls - He feels he has the biggest understanding in realising that girls and guys can’t be treated the same in terms of food and emotions etc.

Ten (International and Domestic Affairs) Ten and Johnny work closely together handling all the international or domestic affairs and trades. While Johnny takes most of the calls at home, Ten prefers to meet them in person and because of that, he’s barely home. He’ll go sign contracts with people and assure them of the alliance benefits that they would gain while also confirming any suspicious doubts.

Ten is one of the more affectionate older boys and after not seeing you for a long time, he’ll always try and jump scare you when his home. He loves to grab your phone when your using it and runs off to hide it making you groan in frustration. Originally he used to do it to the younger boys but they started retaliating with their own pranks and so you became the new target.

Jaehyun (Leader 2) Even though Taeyong is the leader of the group, Jaehyun’s position is almost of similar ranking. His importance is just as crucial to the group. Depending on the type of mission or severity of threat, Jaehyun will lead the boys (usually being the middle tier of difficulty). If the mission is assumed to be higher in risk, Taeyong will be on field as well. Most of the boys will report back to Jaehyun just because Taeyong always seems to have too much on his plate.

While Doyoung nags you about daily life habits, Jaehyun is more concerned about your safety and protection. He is constantly trying to get you to learn basic defence skills with weapons after your lessons with Winwin. But you refuse to touch any gun or dangerous item. 

- Because you’re so desperate to help, he’ll usually leave you small tasks like researching (anything that doesnt involve violence) - He’ll joke around occasionally and leave a note on your door telling you to water the garden (even though you dont actually have one).

Winwin (Fighter - Hand to Hand combat major) He learnt how to fight from a young age earning black belts in taekwondo, judo, karate, any sort of martial arts possible. As well as that, he’s ability to predict the moves of his opponent make him extremely fast with recognising weaknesses and strengths. He teaches all the members and makes them spar occasionally just to make sure everyone’s skills are up to his liking. If someone seems to be lacking in an area, Winwin will force them for daily practices for at least 2 weeks before he decides whether they can stop or not. He’s pretty hard core when it comes to practice and takes the situation very realistically (that’s why we have a medic on hand).

After a month of staying with the boys and warming up to them, Taeyong suggested you did some training with Winwin as a precaution for self-defence. On the first day winwin said he’d take it easy and training was going to be light. However, you went back to your room that day after a 30minute visit with Kun and a ban from going back to training for a week. ⁃ “Keep your hands in front of your face Y/N” he’d say after knocking you on the side. He’d help you up but continue the training with no leniency.

Jungwoo (Social, Undercover specialist) He works closely with Lucas managing the social compartments and maintaining clients. He’ll keep an eye on potential nuisances from other gangs who visit the clubs. As well as that he uses these social environments to gather data on other gangs as well as keeping an eye on them. However, his main job includes working as an assassin. Those business partners who end up betraying Taeyong or the team? Jungwoo hunts them down. He’ll leave the house for a couple of days unexpectedly and you’ll always get a text from him before he disappears, “I’m staying at a friend’s place for a couple of days, stay safe xx.” Initially you had no idea what the actual meaning behind it was but after a couple of times you realised. After all, this wasn't just a normal family.

Lucas (Weapons and Social) Lucas is normally better with women when it comes to making deals or finding out information flaunting his looks. However, with guys, he takes a much more different approach, somewhat similar to Taeyong. You’d never be able to guess his age, he’d give of vibes of a leader himself. He’ll go out to the clubs or bars most of the nights, occasionally taking a night off at home. During the daytime his mostly sleeping, training or looking into new weaponry. He is always aware of what equipment they need or what types of bullets are necessary for the mission. As well as that, he’s most skilled with all types of weapons from guns to bows to grenades.   - Tries to headlock you as a forceful method of making you “practice” hand to hand combat. - Will text you on a daily basis for no reason at all and pretty much treat you as a personal diary. - Sends memes to you and the dreamies whenever he finds something funny but most of the time, it’s not actually funny…

Mark (All-rounder) Mark is an all-rounder with skills. If he wasn't so young, Taeyong may have given him a higher position. However, Taeyong doesn't really treat Mark like his age and gives him a lot more work than the others in terms of planning and research. Mark is usually up at night very late and sleeps very little but despite that, he doesn't complain. He gets involved a lot in discussions and debates with the older guys, contributing his thoughts. He takes lead on the field if it’s not a highly risky mission.

He knows how hard it was for you to adapt to the house and the situation and because of that, he’s constantly checking in on you. Knocking on your door before bed to see if you’re okay. Mark will tell you the most when it comes to missions that they have. Most of the others will hide a lot of the truth so you don't worry but Mark finds that just causes you more concern. He keeps a few sections left out but majority of the information he’ll tell you. - Your relationship with Mark is one of the closest as his only older than you by a little and his room is just next to yours. - At the beginning when you first came, he’d keep his door left ajar just so you could see that you weren’t alone in the house. - Occasionally when you wake up at like 3am for water, you’d see the light underneath his door was still on. So you’d bring back some tea for him on your way back, telling him to sleep already.

[twh-news]

What is the Multiverse? Five Must-See Alternate Timeline TV Episodes to Watch After ‘Loki’

Look, I get it — multiverse storytelling can be confusing. Marvel’s Loki streaming series is only the latest in a long line of stories that plays fast and loose with the idea of multiple or parallel timelines. Loki follows the God of Mischief (Tom Hiddleston) after he gets involved with the Time Variance Authority, or the TVA, as they try to correct problems in individual timelines. This provides us a chance to see lots of variant Lokis (including our favorite chompy green boy) and opens up opportunities for a lot of zany storytelling that doesn’t necessarily have to impact the primary timeline.

The idea of multiple universes existing at the same time isn’t anything new. Some of the earliest examples date back to Norse mythology, which divided existence into nine worlds. DC Comics first introduced the idea of the DC multiverse in its comics in All Star Comics #3 in 1940, and Marvel later followed suit, starting with their What if? series in the 1970s. While the concept of parallel universes might feel a little daunting to contemplate on your own, these five television episodes will help you understand the magic of the multiverse.

“The Parallel” — The Twilight Zone

When it comes to television that changed the way we think, Rod Serling‘s The Twilight Zone is the forebear of them all. The original series ran from 1959 to 1964 and contained stories from science fiction greats like Ray Bradbury (Farhenheit 451) and  Richard Matheson (I Am Legend). Each episode in the anthology series told a different short story, most with the intent of exploring some political or social allegory.

In 1963’s “The Parallel”, Major Robert Gaines (Steve Forrest) is orbiting earth in his space capsule when he suddenly blacks out and wakes up on Earth with no memory of how he got there. He’s uninjured, but the world he’s arrived in doesn’t quite match the one he left. His daughter suspects he’s someone else, his house suddenly has a white picket fence that his wife swears has always been there, and everyone keeps calling him Colonel, which matches his uniform but not his memories. He’s a little shaken until he comes to the conclusion that he’s in a parallel universe, and then takes steps to get back to his own timeline.

“The Parallel” marks the first instance of multiverse storytelling on TV. It doesn’t do anything particularly groundbreaking and is a middle-of-the-road The Twilight Zone episode, but it’s the first, which means it paved the way for everyone else to tell TV stories about parallel universes and doppelgangers.

“Mirror Mirror”/”Crossover” — Star Trek/Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Did I say doppelgangers? If there’s one franchise that has capitalized on the potential fun of meeting your alternate self, it’s Star Trek. In the “Mirror Mirror” episode of the original series, a teleporter mishap sends Kirk, McCoy, Scotty, and Uhura to a parallel dimension where everything is reversed. The Federation has become an evil Empire, Kirk is a tyrant, and Spock has a goatee (that’s how you know he’s evil). The episode started several tropes about doppelgangers (including the whole goatee thing), and paved the way for future Star Trek iterations to really go wild with the Mirror Universe.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine explored the Mirror Universe more than any other Star Trek series, with stories taking place there over five different episodes. The first of these, “Crossover,” is the most important and sets the stage for the later mirror episodes. In “Crossover,” Major Kira (Nana Visitor) and Doctor Bashir (Alexander Siddig) have an accident inside of the wormhole near the planet Bajor, sending them to the Mirror Universe. It’s been decades since Kirk and co. crossed over, but things are still pretty backwards in the Mirrorverse. Instead of the Federation, there’s a coalition between the Klingons, Cardassians, and Bajorans. Terrans (a fancy word for Earthlings) have been enslaved. The space station Deep Space Nine is instead a mining operation, run by the alternate Kira, the Intendant.

There are few things in the world as enjoyable as watching Visitor play her double role. The entire cast really gets to go for it with their Mirrorverse personas, and you can tell they’re having a blast. The Mirror Universe in Deep Space Nine gave the actors a chance to explore their characters in new ways, and it provided more insight into their individual pathos. Sure, the Mirrorverse versions were the “evil” versions of themselves, but there were still versions of themselves. Kira is a strong leader with a dry sense of humor, regardless of whether she’s the former Bajoran freedom fighter or the Intendant. “Crossover” set up the following four Deep Space Nine Mirror episodes, including episodes where Captain Sisko (Avery Brooks) must pretend to be his doppelganger and deal with the fact that his dead wife is still very alive in the parallel universe. Some of the episodes are silly fun, and some are a bit more heady, but they all get to explore sides of these characters that we’ve never seen before.

“Remedial Chaos Theory” — Community

The NBC sitcom Community frequently made its own riffs on popular tropes, and it had an utter field day with parallel universes. In the season 3 episode, “Remedial Chaos Theory,” viewers are treated to seeing six different ways the same evening could have played out. The friends, who met in a Spanish study group at their community college, are all celebrating Troy (Donald Glover) and Abed (Danny Pudi) moving into a new apartment. When the pizza arrives, group leader Jeff (Joel McHale) suggests they roll dice to see who has to go get the pizza. Abed, who is sensitive to tropes, points out that Jeff is creating new timelines by introducing chance, and then we get to see each of them play out.

What “Remedial Chaos Theory” does is brilliant. It’s a bottle episode, all set in one location with no visible impact on the overall plot. However, by seeing how the situations change each time a single character is removed from the group dynamic, we’re able to learn so much more about the group as a whole. The episode gives us insight into the characters and their relationships by changing up the formula just a pinch and removing one element. In the Darkest Timeline, which leaves Pierce (Chevy Chase) dead and severely maims the rest of the group, it’s revealed that things fall apart without Troy in the mix. At the end of the episode, the prime timeline continues and it’s Jeff who has to go get the pizza. This ends up being the most positive of the timelines, which means maybe the group is better off without Jeff at all. It’s a great piece of character storytelling and even ends with the Darkest Timeline versions of Troy and Abed making felt goatees for themselves before declaring they are Evil Troy and Evil Abed.

“Rixty Minutes” – Rick and Morty

Community showrunner Dan Harmon clearly has a love for stories involving parallel timelines, so it’s no surprise that he expanded on those ideas in Rick and Morty, the adult animated series he developed with Justin Roiland. Rick and Morty is a kind of Back to the Future for twisted adults; it follows the adventures of alcoholic mad scientist Rick Sanchez (Roiland) and his hapless grandson Morty Smith (also Roiland) as they travel through space and time. In the first season episode “Rixty Minutes,” Rick introduces the entire Smith family to the many parallel timelines that exist. He and Morty watch Interdimensional Cable in the A plot, which gives Roiland a chance for lots of fun improvisational gags, but the B plot is more interesting. In order to enjoy his cable watching, Rick gives Morty’s parents and sister a helmet that will let them see through the eyes of some of their alternate selves.

Jerry (Chris Parnell) finds a version of himself that’s a huge Hollywood player who parties with Johnny Depp. Beth (Sarah Chalke) finds a reality where she’s not a horse surgeon, but a human surgeon, like she always wanted. Their teenage daughter Summer (Spencer Grammar) discovers that she was an unplanned pregnancy and that her parents argued about whether or not to get an abortion. In the parallel universes, she either doesn’t exist or her life is hopelessly boring. This leads to a pretty massive existential crisis, but she’s stopped by Morty, who has already had his fair share of timey-wimey weirdness.

Morty takes Summer upstairs and shows her two dirt mounds in the backyard. He explains that he’s not the Morty from this timeline, and that he and Rick had to come here after things in their timeline got too bad. The Rick and Morty in this timeline had just died, so they slipped in unnoticed. Then, Morty gives Summer a bit of advice that shows he’s beginning to grow up a bit on his madcap adventures.

“Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV?” he pleads.

The episode ends with the entire Smith family realizing that dwelling on possible alternate realities will only ever cause problems. It’s a testament to living in the here and now, and is one of the series’ most emotionally resounding moments.

There are dozens of shows with multiverse stories out there, from ’90s sci-fi staple Sliders to the later seasons of Supernatural. These five, however, helped expand upon the trope as a whole, and are worth checking out to improve your pop culture savvy. That, and they’re just a lot of fun.

[dolphin-enthusiast]

cool, you're open!! im the anon who asked for the assassin s/o headcannons!! how about headcannons of bucci gang with an s/o that THEY are assigned to assasinate??

Bacc to my fav concept-

Bruno:

- At first intends on doing his job perfectly as always, and yet when he’s faced with the situation he starts hesitating. After all, this is a person that he truly cares about, therefore he simply cannot bring himself to oh so cruelly claim their life. It’s only a matter of time before Bruno starts beating himself up for even considering to do such a horrible thing. Hell, he could even lose his position for all he cares. S/o’s safety and well being will always come first.

- He’d keep his mission a secret for as long as possible, but as we all know the truth eventually surfaces sooner or later. S/o would be both shocked and heartbroken that Bruno would even THINK about harming them, and the poor man would just stand there and take it because he knows he deserves it. S/o has every right ever to be angry.

- After this he wouldn’t even be mad if s/o decides to break up, although Bruno would of course suffer alot. If anything, he’d desperately try explaining himself by letting s/o know that he could never harm them let alone KILL them and that his superiors are most likely plotting something against him and his gang by giving away such an inhumane order. Whether s/o chooses to break up or not it doesn’t matter, Bruno simply cannot carry out this absolutely horrendous task.

Giorno:

- His heart quite literally shatters when he’s given this order and he will absolutely refuse to carry it out. Since he’s so good at concealing his true emotions, Giorno will simply nod and let his superiors that he acknowledges their order, although his blood would be fucking boiling the entirety of time.

- Like I said, he’s a master at hiding stuff (for better or for worse) so he’d have no problems with hiding his job from s/o and pretending like nothing’s wrong, although it would slowly but surely start eating away at him. Eventually he’d end up telling the truth to s/o in the most gentle way possible because he doesn’t want to worry them.

- Of course that s/o would be utterly shocked to find out such a thing, but Giorno is going to comfort and reassure them that he won’t ever do such a thing. As hard as it’s going to be for s/o to fully trust Giorno again, the man really means all that he says and he’s willing to do anything in order to both end this madness once and for all and make it up to s/o. 

Abbacchio:

- He too simply nods his head whilst having the most deadpan expression ever, but we all know that on the inside he’d be lowkey losing it. Why would they order him to take out his OWN s/o??? Did they do something wrong?? No that doesn’t matter! He could never kill them of course!

- To be brutally honest, he would THINK about it maybe for like a second or two during the night all because it would literally kill him on the inside. Poor guy would be constantly under pressure since he’d be torn between telling s/o or keeping it a secret...most likely forever. Eventually though he’d crack and would end up confessing to s/o whilst getting on his knees and begging them to forgive him since he’d feel extremely guilty of his own actions.

- Abba would entirely understand if s/o would cut ties with him though it would absolutely kill him since losing his s/o means losing pretty much all that he has. He would beg them for forgiveness and promise that he’ll do a better job at protecting them, the man feeling utterly disgusted by merely THINKING about carrying out such a heinous, heinous task. The rest is up to s/o really.

Mista:

- Immediately goes into panic mode then shuts the fuck down. He doesn’t do well under too much pressure and being ordered to kill his own fucking partner would entirely destroy him. Why would anyone do such a thing is beyond him.

- He instantly tells s/o about what happened and swears on his own life that he’ll seek out the dirty pigs that ordered him to do this and take THEIR lives instead. In this situation the roles would be reversed seeing how s/o would be the one calming his ass down since Mista would be F U M I N G.

- Even though it technically isn’t his fault that he received an order to kill his partner, Mista would feel both guilty and disgusted and so he’d be apologizing to s/o over and over whilst also beating himself up for not being able to properly protect them. He’ll start spending more and more time with s/o, basically trying to make up for all of this because he damn well knows that, even if s/o says otherwise, his partner is clearly affected by the entire situation. And god forbid if anyone dares to hurt s/o, Mista is going to personally send them where they truly belong to.

Fugo:

- Manages to keep his calm exactly for how long it’s needed before he has a breakdown breakdown. That day he’s going to fully isolate himself in order to think it over and come up with a plan because there’s no way in hell he’s killing his the love of his life.

- Once he finally manages to drag himself home, s/o is instantly going to notice that something is v e r y off with their partner and so they would keep pressuring him to talk it out because bottling it up is never a good solution, and we all know that Fugo is known for doing just that on more than one occasion. Poor man would almost immediately crack and confess it all, quickly throwing his trembling arms around s/o and begging them to forgive him through tears.

- He’d be absolutely devastated and would absolutely refuse to even think about doing it, and it would further hurt him to see s/o’s shocked eyes and weary movements after he’d tell them the entire deal. Fugo would reassure them again and again that they can trust him and that he’d never hurt them, not to mention that he’d start looking for whoever gave out such outrageous orders. He’s going to prove to s/o that he’ll do whatever it takes to truly protect them no matter what.

Narancia:

- Straight out refuses to take the job and keeps on doing so even when threatened. In the end he’d “agree” just to get the fuck away from there only to directly go home and tell s/o whilst starting to cry out of frustration and anger.

- He knows that he shouldn protect s/o, but Narancia simply cannot keep his mouth shut about such a serious thing. After all, s/o’s life is in the game. He’d start explaining it all to s/o between sniffles and nasty curse words, at the end sincerely apologizing and SWEARING that he’ll hunt down whoever dared to threaten his love.

- He’s going to be an absolute trainwreck and would constantly be on the edge whenever he meets up with his gang all because he’s lowkey afraid that someone is going to either jump him or his s/o at all times. Hell, Narancia is even going to refuse to attend gang meetings and stuff like that since he wants to keep a close eye on s/o in case anything bad happens. One thing is for sure: the superiors that ordered him this better watch their fucking backs.

[goofygomez]

An analysis of The Last of Us Part II and its themes

I’ve seen a lot of people share their experience with playing The Last of Us Part II, and it’s safe to say most of it has been largely negative. It’s no secret this might be one of the most divisive games of all time, and it will probably stay that way for a long time after. I personally adored this game. I believe this is the masterpiece of masterpieces, and it’s the only game to ever top the emotions I felt when playing the first game, although I will say in terms of raw story (with nothing else like gameplay to support it) the first game is still a bit higher on the list for me.

But for all intents and purposes, when considering all aspects of this game, I think this is the single greatest accomplishment in game design and storytelling I’ve ever seen in a video game. That being said, I would like to try and respond to some of the criticisms this game has gotten, and furthermore, I’d like to try and analyze some of the themes I noticed when playing the game. Keep in mind this is MY opinion, and should not be taken as fact. This is just my experience, and I’ll respect yours one way or the other.

Take this as a MAJOR WARNING that there will be spoilers for both games in this post.

With that, let’s start with the common criticisms:

1.       “They killed Joel for no damn reason. He deserved better.” This is an easy one to tackle. For one, Joel most definitely did not deserve better. Even though we might love him for being the first game’s MC and have grown attached to him, there’s no way we can or should look past the fact that he, Joel, is a bad man. He even says himself in the first game that he and Tommy did some questionable things to survive in the 20 years between the outbreak and even during the events of TLOU. While he may be perceived as the hero of the franchise, when you look at his rap sheet, you start to notice he’s not so great after all. Take the ending of TLOU as the most glaring example, where Joel has been told Ellie must die in order for the Fireflies to develop a vaccine. His first and only reaction is to kill every single Firefly he sees and murder the surgeon who would have killed his “baby girl”. Would I have done any different in his shoes? Probably not, but that’s the beauty of the first game. Its ending and the ambiguity of Joel’s morality given his actions is one of the driving forces that make the first game so spectacular and why it’s still being discussed 7 years later. Now let’s talk about the second point to this criticism: “He died for no reason”. If you recall, the people who killed him were former Fireflies, one of which (Abby) was the daughter of the surgeon whom Joel unceremoniously killed. In their eyes, they had every right to go after Joel. Like Anthony Caliber, one of the best TLOU speedrunners, said in one of his recent livestreams, “Joel signed his own death sentence when he killed Marlene and the surgeon back at the hospital in TLOU1”. While it may seem overly zealous to us as players who have grown to love Joel, if the roles had been reversed would you not do the same? Would you not want revenge for the killing of your father? And isn’t that exactly what Ellie is doing in this game, which most players justify in this hatred of Abby?

2.       “Joel was out of character in giving out his name and trusting strangers. They dumbed him down for the sake of plot.” As I recall, Joel literally gave Henry and Sam his name and followed them out to their hideout barely 30 seconds after meeting them and beating the shit out of Henry. Joel may be an untrusting person at heart but he always does so with reason. The most common reason people give of this is “He didn’t trust the guy asking for help in Pittsburg and ran him over so why trust Abby and her gang”. First of all, that was literally the one situation Joel had already been on the other side of, and knew perfectly well it was rehearsed. On the flipside, he and Tommy had just saved Abby and literally mention there’s no other way to go other than with her because there’s a huge blizzard and a herd was after them. And especially now, after Joel has been living in Jackson for 4 years now and has been living comfortably in a community very obviously open to new people. Abby’s group gave them no reason to distrust them, and giving out his name, in any other situation, would have made no difference in the outcome. It was just unfortunate they happened to be after him.

3.       “I hate playing as Abby, why are they trying to make me sympathize with her?” That’s the whole point, they’re not. The entire game, you keep rooting for Ellie to find and kill this woman who wronged you, and when you’re forced to play as her, you’re understandably angry. You’re upset, and you feel you have to slog through this seemingly endless section of the game. But as you keep playing, much like I did, you start seeing the other side of the story. Abby is not the villain the game paints her out to be when she killed Joel. She’s another human being with human emotions and a very real reason to hate Joel and to want him dead. As I said before, Abby is doing exactly what Ellie eventually does after Abby kills Joel.

4.       “Why would Ellie go through all that effort to not kill Abby in the end?” I will touch on this in the analysis of the themes, but simply put, it was about breaking cycles.

Now I’d like to start defending how and why I believe this is a masterpiece by first taking a look at one of the admittedly less touched upon parts: gameplay. This aspect usually takes a step back when it comes to narrative-based games, and it is obviously not the most resounding part of this game, but it is clearly not taking a back seat either. The flow of both combat and mellower scenarios in this particular game is astounding. When battling opponents, the AI feels like one of the most intelligent I’ve ever seen in a video game. The way the enemies communicate between each other, telling the others when the player is out of ammo or when they’re flanking to create much more nuanced fight sequences, coupled with the expanded worlds Naughty Dog has come up with to create a seamless experience when fighting hordes of enemies without it feeling stale or repetitive, is one of the most immersive gaming experiences I’ve ever had. Each encounter feels unique and challenging in some ways you may not have felt before in the game, and by the end you’re so immersed in that feeling that going through the Santa Barbara group (to me, at least) was almost automatic and I could see so many different options for me to approach each situation as it came my way.

Likewise, Naughty Dog have managed to turn the puzzle solving from the first game, where you simply had to find a dumpster to step on or a door to open with a shiv, and incorporate the environment and world into it, finding clever ways to get over obstacles without simply having a step-up ladder be the end of it. The mechanics that went into the rope puzzles, breaking windows to get to previously unexplored territory (which is admittedly not new in gaming, but still a cool concept to add to the franchise) paired together with so many more new little features to bring the world they created to life, and bring you into it as well.

As always, and as was the case with the first one, you can’t talk about The Last of Us without talking about the soundtrack. The haunting score created by the masterful mind of Gustavo Santaolalla, a fellow Argentinean like me, brought to life some of the most heart-wrenching moments and the most beautiful ones as well, in a way that can only be achieved with amazing sound design and music. The main theme song, which is a sort of homage to the one from the first, takes a much darker approach, choosing instead to focus on the bass and that resounding low voice in the background, setting the tone for the rest of the game: a much darker, grittier, and grounded experience that will pull no punches. Santaolalla managed to create a score that mimics the first one in melody and rhythm, while succeeding in mirroring it to create a more dissonant accompaniment to the gruesome story you’re brutally killing your way through.

Another aspect of the game that deserves all the praise it gets, and one that people seem to at least be in consensus about, is the graphics and animation design. I can safely say this is hands down the most beautiful, gorgeous, astounding, breathtaking game I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, and that might not be enough adjectives to fully encapsulate how I feel about the graphics in this game. One can argue all day about the morality of the characters in the game or the balance between right and wrong that Naughty Dog so masterfully plays with in the story, but one thing is for sure: The graphics design team deserves so much credit for actually bringing the story and the characters we know and love to such vivid life. You can see it in the little things, like the veins in Joel’s arm as he plays “Future Days” by Pearl Jam and the facial expressions Ellie can make if you stand in front of a mirror during the museum flashback; you can also see it in the larger things, like the jaw-dropping backdrops that range from a beautiful mountain range in the snow to the downtown Seattle skyline. No moment will be wasted by stopping your pace to just admire the absolutely gorgeous view you’re presented with every time you enter a new game world. The attention to detail in animation is also not lacking at all, with so many little actions being given special treatment as we see Ellie patch herself up and still having the actual bandage over her arm instead of disappearing like any other game, or the way Ellie’s fingers perfectly (and correctly) play chords without resorting to generic hand gestures. You can see the love and care the developers have for this game in every tiny crack in the game that simply takes your breath away and that sometimes you won’t even see from the vastness of the world around you.

And finally, the story. It is definitely a divisive story, and Neil Druckmann did warn us it would be. There were times, namely the moment they switched the POV to show me the first 3 days from Abby’s perspective, when I was genuinely wondering what the hell they were thinking. My faith in Naughty Dog never wavered, though. I kept playing because I thought, “There must be some reasoning for this.” And to my greatest relief, it finally clicked for me a few hours into Abby’s section. Namely, the moment where she meets Lev and Yara, two Seraphites that defected after the former shaved his head. At first, it seemed weird that they would be cast out for such a stupid reason, but then you start to get to know them, and you understand the real reason they had to leave their religious cult. As I said before and will say again, this is a game about perspective. Up until that point, I just wanted Abby dead, albeit with some guilt since learning that it was her father Joel killed in that operating room. But seeing Abby’s willingness to help total strangers, much like Joel did at the start of the game, was what sold me on this game’s concept. The purpose of this story is to make you feel the regret and the weight of the actions you impart on the world, as you can see the carnage Ellie left in her wake during your time as Abby, seeing Abby’s friends butchered by either Ellie or Tommy, realizing they’re no different than the villains we have such tunnel vision about. The ending is something I’ll get to in the themes, but I just have to say I love the way it’s such a parallel to the first game’s ending, up to the point of divisiveness in the people who actually played and finished the game (which at the time of writing this is less than 4% of players).

Now onto the themes. One of the things people always praise about the first game, and rightfully so, is its themes and how well it portrays them through certain characters to create a cohesive and coherent story that pulls at your heartstrings and makes you root for the “heroes” of the game. This time it’s not much different, with the minor exception that this time, there are no heroes. Just like Neil Druckmann said many times during the development of Part II, “While the first game was about love, this game is about hate”, which is one of the main themes.

1.       Hatred: I can safely say there have been very few times of my gaming life where I’ve been so viscerally angry (in a “good” way) while playing a video game as I have as I tore down through countless enemies that got in the way of me and my target. This game will let out the worst parts of you in ways you can’t even imagine, and will make you take a look at the way we glorify violence in video games without the usual preachy tone of “video games cause violence”. Like I said before, this is a game that mirrors the first one while paying homage to its themes. To take a page out of Abby’s book, it’s like a coin. There are always two sides to it. On the one hand, the first game’s main theme was love, and how loss and grief can be overcome with it with the proper care and time. The Last of Us Part II shows us the uglier side of human nature, which is anger, despair and a natural desire for revenge (another theme). Both games show us the natural progression of a grieving person, but both of them take wildly different approaches. Granted, we don’t know how brutal and vicious Joel was right after losing Sarah, but it’s safe to assume he was nothing short of a monster, which eventually didn’t really help in dealing with that loss until he found love and hope in a little girl whose safety was now his utmost responsibility. In Ellie’s case, she’s still in that first stage. Ellie as a character has always been reckless and foolhardy, and her actions in this game are a testament of how well Neil Druckmann and Halley Gross know their characters. The entire game, right up until the final moments where she’s about to finish Abby off, her actions are fueled by a rage and desire to exert justice onto those who’ve wronged her. In other words, she’s looking for revenge.

2.       Revenge: Both main characters have at least one thing in common, and it is their desire to avenge their father/father figure. I truly believe that Joel’s death was not only justified (from a storytelling perspective) but also crucial to the development of a sequel that both enhanced the world of The Last of Us while building onto it with new ideals and perspectives. The idea this time is definitely not one we haven’t seen before in so many other mediums: “Revenge is bad and is never worth it” Seems trivial to even suggest it when we all know the outcome, but The Last of Us Part II manages to not only build upon the idea that revenge is a double-edged sword, but it also manages to balance the perspectives within that cycle to attempt to explore the psyche of the characters we’ve put into the boxes of “hero” and “villain”. And subsequently, they manage to break that characterization by showing us both sides of the aforementioned coin to see, in no unclear terms, that the consequences of our actions when dealing with vengeance always circle back to expose the nastiest side of our nature. It stands to reason that we, as the player, would at first be on board with Ellie “finding and killing every last one of them”, and demonizing Abby for not only killing but torturing possibly one of the most beloved characters in gaming history. We want her dead. We want her to suffer for the crime she’s committed. Yet, in our quest for vengeance and justice, would we not be succumbing to the same cycle that brought Abby to killing Joel in the first place? Did she not think, from her perspective, that she was entirely justified in killing the man who had not only destroyed the one chance humanity had against the Cordyceps, but also murdered her father in cold blood? Are we not the same as Abby for wanting her dead after she kills one of our own? When does it end? And that’s the real question. This whole thing, the lust for revenge that can only be quenched with cold-blooded murder, is just another facet to our complex and grey morality as human beings. It’s natural for us to feel angry and upset at this, and I believe all the hatred people give this game that stems from it forcing you to play as Abby is the exact nature the game is trying to bring out of us and show to us in a mirror.

3.       Cycles: While this may not be such an obvious catch as the first two, it’s still very much ingrained in the inner workings of this game’s narrative and how both characters view the world according to their reality and perspective. The concept of revenge, as stated above, is a repetitive one. One that causes cycles and events to repeat themselves if left unchecked, and The Last of Us Part II plays with these masterfully. Starting the game with a heartbreaking moment and setting the dark tone for the rest of the game is what starts the first part of this cycle, which is Ellie wanting to avenge Joel’s death, much like Abby avenged her father’s death after 4 years of despair, planning, and training. Ellie’s desire to kill Abby is what leads her down the path we would characterize, were she some random character and not the main one of the franchise, as the villain’s route, going down a dark path that prompts her to mindlessly and mercilessly slaughtering countless people whose names you hear from their friends’ mouths when you kill them, to the point where you end up getting to Abby’s closest friends and companions and murdering them too, not unlike Abby murdered Joel. It is a sobering feeling to realize the character you most love and root for is, in the eyes of the other main character, as much of a villain (if not more) as we as players make Abby out to be. It is at the end of the game, which a lot of players had qualms about, where Ellie is beating Abby within an inch of her life that she realizes this is not worth it. Killing Abby will not bring Joel back, and will certainly not bring her any satisfaction, as showcased by how traumatized Ellie was after the killings of Abby’s other friends and the fact that she still kept seeing Joel’s lifeless body as she attempted to drown Abby on that coast. Then, as we are mercilessly choking the life out of her, which is yet another example of the visceral anger the game elicits from the player, we see a different memory of Joel. One of hopefulness, where Joel is playing the guitar and smiling. It is at that moment that Ellie realizes the only thing she can do now is to move on with her life and accept Joel’s death as something that happened. To add onto this realization, it’s probably good to mention that Ellie must have seen some of herself in Lev in that killing Abby would have left him (if not dead) in a state much like the one she, Ellie, was at the start of the game. Coming back to the theme of cycles, if Ellie killed Abby, what’s to stop Lev from coming after Ellie the same way she came after Abby, and so on and so forth. Both these things coupled help Ellie finally break the cycle and go back to the farm, where she’s greeted with the consequences of her actions in a more emotional and real way than the PTSD: Dina being gone and Ellie leaving her guitar behind, symbolizing her letting go of Joel’s memory and accepting her reality.

The game scares us; it scares me. It is a harrowing experience that will only get better with time and will, in my humble opinion, go down as one of the greatest games of all time for years to come. No matter the context, and no matter the medium, I wish it were easy to find such real, emotional, and powerful pieces of art as this one more often. But alas, we will have to wait and see. As someone whose name I can’t seem to remember said: “This will mark the gaming industry and divide it between ‘Before TLOU2 and After TLOU2”

[caps-clever-girl]

god marvel did us dirty by having 2 of the people tony could best get along with on the opposing side of the civil war so that they never had any oppertunity to develop what could have been super good friendships and instead just became Immediate Enimies without even really having exchanged more than a scentence or so first

like bucky and tony? would have been fuckin GREAT together. same ‘i am a shit’ sense of humour, Much Mischief bois, used to steve’s patent brand of bullshittery, and very sarcastic. bucky’s a big believer in sticking together and credit where credit is due and accepting help, and is interested in tech. tony kind of has the tech thing, you know, covered - i wanna see tony explaining improvements or ideas for buckys arm and bucky actually following along.

i also wanna see tony stick fridge magnets to that arm and bucky follow up by putting pudding in tony’s pillowcase, or hello kitty magnet’s on the suit’s ass. c’mon giys think of the prank wars.

bucky moving things around in the lab and driving tony fucking bonkers.

discussing hair care

constant comments about how hot the other one is because they are both Massive Flirts and oh god stop. stop guys please.

bucky: you cant stop love sam

sam: bucky no

tony: bucky yes

sam: tony no

bucky: tony yes

i want some reporter trying to one-up them and tony and bucky sharing a Very Specific eye-roll before teaming up to seamlessly oblitterate the guy with the smooth and smart fast-talk, just absolutely bouncing off of eachother.

i want them coming to trust eachother, culminating in bucky letting tony work on and eventually replace his prosthetic arm. unexpectedly, tony repays him by letting him suggest ideas for his suit (and others) and letting him take a deeper look.

i want them bonding over experiences with ptsd, trying to help eachother out with tips for panic attacks and grounding methods. i want them to talk about howard and maria, about how they were good friends with bucky but how howard wasnt the best dad, and about their death, and i want them to bond over their mind-controll experiences.

and scott - come on. that sarcastic little shit? if they’d have met different ways you can fucking garentee that he and tony would have gotten along like a house on fire. i mean:

ah yes, first instinct. lets just have a sit down in an abandoned car. these two tired dumbass/smartass dads could be on SUCH the same wavelength. PLUS THE STARK/PYM RIVALRY???? absolutely DELICIOUS and you cannot tell me that scott wouldnt absolutely delight in it.

hank: tony stark is a bastard and his technology is SHIT

scott: he got me a starbucks yesterday actually i think hes pretty great

hank: you whore

breaking in somewhere together??? iron man 3 tony and scott going balls to the wall to gain access to some dickwad’s secret base? do u send in the 2 master spies? no, u send in the booby trap boy and the catburglar. the Big Brain moments they would have with their cool ass tech and pure Skills sneaking in and also simoultaneously knocking over something very expensive because they are so stupid!!

scott introducing tony to every ant he knows and tony keeps pretending he doesnt give a shit but that one is called ANT-onio Banderas and its nuzzling him oh god babies

these two smart dudes trying in an absolute PANIC over something their kids have done like scrape a knee and the kid listens to twenty minuets of them hyperventilating before going ‘i put a plaster on like quarter of an hour ago, its fine’. tony making something Cool and New and Better Than Pym’s Bullshit Ain’t That Right Langy and scott having a reasonable idea of what it does but still managing to both use it to hide steves shield somewhere dumb and also blow it up ten seconds after shouting ‘hey tones i think i got the hang of this!’ tony and scott working together on a new project, surrounded by paper and plans and bits of wire and covered in dinosaur and princess plasters from all the little electric shocks they keep getting, getting hours deep into conversations about tech and ideas.

ant-sized scott accidentally flipping tony over his shoulder and across the room when tony offered him a finger to shake instead of his hand. tony accidentally smacking a pint-sized scott into a ceiling light.

teaching their kids how to prank the other avengers and how to Suddenly And Conveniently Dissapear afterwards - and to make IMMEDIATE BAMBY EYES if caught. scott basically using tony as a sugar daddy and wanting to get bagels or ice cream or starbucks and whining like a child until tony gives him ten bucks. (scott knowing tony’s preferences by heart and always getting him something too.) the two of them lovestruck by super cool women who can and have handed them their respective asses on multiple occasions. verbally oblitterating anyone who opposes them and also being able to absolutely bullshit their way out of any situation because they are Liars and Good At It.

bonding over the heavy responsibility of using powerful technology for the greater good that they kind of inherited from people they want to live up to but also be better than, and scared of what would happen if that trusted tech fell into the wrong hands. taking that tech and making it theirs and only theirs. concepts of identity. and bonding over wanting to be the best example for their kids and give them everything, and trying to make sure they dont make the same mistakes as they did. i mean, scott understood why tony wasn’t willing to help at first in endgame - sure it fucking killed him, but the most important thing to him is cassie, and he gets that tony doesnt want to risk basically making morgan never exist. if the roles were reversed then could he make the choice? could he face up to the posibility of dooming cassie to get hope and her parents back? like these guys have so much to Talk about. theres a level of insintric understanding that just wasn’t explored.

like look at all the cool shit we could have had, but no, just Outright Hatred.

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About the MCU (Phase Three Part One)

...I’m gonna have to split this one into two parts. Because Phase three is when these movies start getting good, and which in turn results in my have a LOT to talk about. So, here’s the first half of this phase.

10th place: Captian Marvel (6/10)

This is not the worst MCU movie. This isn't even close to the worst thing in the MCU. THAT honor goes to Inhumans, which might just be the most boring TV show that I ever had the displeasure of watching. And if you're a person who only counts the movies as part of the MCU, then there is no way you can look me in the eye and tell me that Captain Marvel is worse than Thor: The Dark World. Because this movie actually has better action, a handful of funny moments, a decent (albeit predictable) story, a fantastic tribute to Stan Lee, and Goose the Cat. Who is free from any criticism due to being equal parts adorable, hilarious, and awesome.

However, there is one major issue that this movie has, and that is Brie Larson's Captain Marvel. Before you say anything, no, it's not because she barely smiles (shut it, if you think that's actually the problem). The problem is that I just don't know what they want her character to be. Is she meant to be playful yet mysterious, like Marceline from Adventure Time? Is she meant to be a stoic badass with a deadpan sense of humor like Garnet from Steven Universe? Or is she supposed to be this perfect hero with witty remarks like Kim Possible from Kim Possible? Because at times, it feels like the people behind this movie are trying to do all three personalities at once, which makes the character feel disjointed. Plus, it's probably not a good thing that I listed three female characters in children's shows better than this character in this movie for teens and adults. Nor is it a good thing that every actor, including the males, act circles around Brie Larson, who is known for giving Oscar-worthy performances. Still, I'm willing to allow the benefit of the doubt that this issue will be solved in time for Captain Marvel 2, as it took both Captain America and Thor a while before they finally became fan favorites. For now, while Captain Marvel is nowhere near the worst, I wouldn't exactly jump the gun and call it the best, either.

9th place: Doctor Strange (6/10)

This movie is somehow both memorable and forgettable at the same time. The visuals alone help make Doctor Strange memorable, seeing the world bend and morph in a way that is best experienced on the most gigantic screen you can find. The visuals even lend to making the fight scenes unforgetable, resulting in action that's hard to forget. It's still just punching and kicking, but the way this movie uses punching and kicking that makes it fun to watch. Such as having Strange fight wizards as astral projections, or while the world is reversing in on itself, dodging debris as it puts itself back into place. Plus, that ending is not only the most unique defeat of a bad guy that any MCU movie has done, but it also proves how selfless Doctor Strange can be as a hero. So I won't be able to forget bits and pieces of this movie...but I can easily forget everything else. The jokes, plot, characters, and especially the villain are things I tend to lose track of on each rewatch. Which might honestly be worse than it sounds. Because while it's still a fun movie that I recommend, it's not a good thing that I constantly forget it, even as I'm writing this.

8th place: Ant-Man and the Wasp (7.5/10)

How is Ant-Man and the Wasp a dividing movie for MCU fans? People either really hate it or just think it's ok, and I don't get that. Because personally, I think this movie is really good. Yeah, there are leaps in logic, and the ending is a huge cop-out, especially since this movie came after Avengers: Infinity War. But I think Ant-Man and the Wasp incredibly improve upon the original with a tighter story and better-written characters, who all have great personalities and fantastic chemistry. Sure, these characters fall flat during certain dramatic moments, but really succeed when written for comedy. My personal favorite is Cassie, who might just be my favorite little girl character in fiction. She admires her father for everything he does, going so far as to smile with glee as he's wreaking shop in the finale. 

Speaking of her father, I really love how Ant-Man and the Wasp differentiate Scott Lang from the rest of the Avengers. In a world of gods and supersoldiers, you have Ant-Man, who's basically just a regular guy. The best example that shows how it that montage of him doing stuff while under house arrest. If any of our other heroes were in this situation, they would take advantage of the time to train, build cool s**t, and maybe even meditate. But for Scott? He wastes time singing karaoke, practicing close-up magic, and crying himself to sleep while reading The Fault in our Stars. It's a great way of showing how he's a little fish in the world's biggest pond. And I like that.

This movie may not be perfect, but every now and again, it's nice to get something small-scale (get it) and personal within the grand adventures in the MCU.

7th Place: Captain America: Civil War (8/10)

There are three camps of people who argue about this movie. The first camp is the people who fight about whether this is a Captain America movie or an Avengers movie. The second camp is the people who disagree on how Captain America: Civil War is the same as Batman v. Superman-Dawn of Justice. The third and final camp argues whether or not the movie is better than the comics. And I'm about to address each and every one of these camps.

First off, this is an Avengers movie. Captain America may take a more primary role, but consider that Thanos is easily the main character in Avengers: Infinity War, and how that movie isn't called Thanos: Infinity War. The fact that Cap barely takes center stage kind of ruins this being his movie, which is why it's arguably the worst Captain America movie by default, but that doesn't change how good this is. Mostly because it's easily a better Avengers movie than Age of Ultron.

As for how this movie is the same as Batman v. Superman, I can tell you right now that it isn't. They're similar in concept, I'll give you that, but their differences meet with the execution of said concepts. Yes, both movies have two people with different ideas fighting it out due to heroes causing collateral damage while inadvertently doing what an evil mastermind, with a tediously complicated plan, expects them to do. But you wanna know what Civil War has that BvS doesn't? Comedy. Marvel's ability to laugh at itself, to realize that what they're making shouldn't be taken too seriously, is what makes it worth the watch. Every. Time. Plus, I find it hilarious that a movie with four times the amount of superheroes manages to give each character a proper story and subplot than the film with just three.

This leads me to my third point: The movie is much better than the comics. Would it have been more awesome to see the number of characters we have now battle it out than seeing the relatively small one in this movie? Maybe. But look at Infinity War and Endgame. As good as those movies are, there were still many characters that got the short end of the stick. By keeping the cast small, Civil War gives each hero time to have an understandable motivation to pick one side or the other while giving each of their stories a proper conclusion. Even Black Panther and Spider-Man, introduced in this movie as sequel bait, still somehow manage to have clear motives and satisfying stories. Plus, where the comics make it hard to pick a side between Captain America and Iron Man because both made awful decisions after awful decisions, the movie makes it hard to pick and choose because both have to make hard decisions. Both Cap and Iron Man have clear reasons for their choices as well as hesitations. But they still see the point of view of the opposing side and try to talk things out. Which makes things all the more heartbreaking when they finally disagree. Something that never happened in the comics even once.

Overall, Captain America: Civil War is a great movie. It may not entirely be a Captain America movie, and the villain's plan is, again, tediously complicated. But it's still good because it understands the importance of characters and even a sense of humor. Which is something that I wish I could say about Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice.

6th place: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (9/10)

It's not every day that the sequel is better than the original, let alone being equally good. And yet, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 is just as fun as its predecessor, if not a smidge better. Everything that I love about the first movie is here in spades, with a few improvements added to the appeal. Like the visuals, which not only have the colors and gradient turned up to thousand, but there are also some spectacular shots that at times look like they could be panels in a comic book. Plus, Ego the Living Planet is a much better villain than Ronan ever could be. Ego's motivations are typical, but his charming personality creates a character that's fun to watch while also showing how dangerous a person like Ego could be when his true motivations are revealed. Although, despite improvements, there are still some elements that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 takes away. Because while most of the jokes are funny, there are some scenes where it's hard to tell if I'm supposed to be laughing or feeling emotional. Also, I just hate what they did to Drax in this movie. In the first one, he was a stoic badass with a deadpan sense of humor. Here, he's written as a dumb a**hole who gets one emotional scene. And it's a powerful one, sure, but it's not enough. Still, I love this movie. If I had to pick which one is better, I would probably say it's Vol 2, but even then, it's a close race, in my opinion.

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And that’s all for now. Here’s part two.