lifeisablackhole9 · 2 years ago
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hey for lotr should i do chronological order or start with fotr?
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minseologs · 1 year ago
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rage pt. 2/2
part 1
TW// Violent themes
Allegro ma non troppo
At that point of my life, I could tell when it, or what would, trigger me. It was mostly when an overwhelming feeling of grief and anger came over me. I could control it half of the time with the help of spending time on my own to get peace. I didn’t even need the medications. It isn’t just when I am angry but if I were overwhelmed with something like joy, I would hold someone else’s hand by force. It was rare as I didn’t allow anyone else to come close to me for a very long time. Even then, it would always win. The intrusive thought, I suppose. I have to thank my son for how far I’ve come. If it weren’t for him, I probably would’ve been a loose screw every time. It came back to me recently. I’ll probably write another note like this. If the case that you find this as my last, please know I’m probably killed else where. My current enemies are the ones sitting in CRM right now.
She watches her mess being cleaned, the worry in her secretary’s face was evident as she watches the two-year-old being held by a calm Minseo. 
“I apologize for telling this to you now, I know you’d rather prefer I get straight to the point than beating around the bush,” Her secretary cleans up the glass shards in her office, the one she had thrown out of fit. It was a miracle she didn’t receive a scratch. “Your father is concerned about you and the safety of Jinwoo.” 
“He didn’t care then, why would he care now?” because Jinwoo could carry the family name. “I’m fine.” 
“Miss Choi I understand that the engagem-”
“Don’t.” Her voice was stern. And her decision to come after was final. “Let it die down. Let people assume and I will eventually move on. For now I need to focus on raising Jinwoo. That’s all that matters if I want this shit-show to be buried. Do I make myself clear?”
With no arguments, the man could only sigh and continue. The child wriggles in her arms, coddling for warmth in the presence of his mother. 
-
I did fairly well these past couple of years, truth be told. In a single moment of decision, everything had changed. I’m confessing this here because as always, I just feel as though this is the kind of information that should be buried with me but needs to be told somehow. After papa had killed my son, and in turn, I had killed him-- everything stopped. As in, I feel as though I’m suffering in some kind of limbo that can’t be snapped out by a simple pill or a time on my own. In fact, I find that more dangerous now. Nowadays I let it consume me. 
"DO NOT GO AGAINST ME!!” the man paces angrily, closing in the distance between themselves. It was one of the members in the CRM’s board of directors. “I will not let you destroy what your father made and you will certainly listen to me--” 
Something in her finally boils over with the attempt to dishearten her. It did work for a little while, though. He grabs her elbow with force, turning her around with a whiplash that causes her to land a punch intentionally. Minseo uses her body weight to tackle him, raising her fist to land another hit on his face as a tooth was spit out. The pain quickly becomes evident on her knuckles as the surface becomes skinned with the bones it protected underneath. The man wasn’t attempting to fall back either, attempting to injure one way or another. He went for an eye that cuts into the end of her brow. Somehow that triggered a memory in her— It was reminiscent of the time Hyeseo had attempted to kill Minseo, seeing the man weak and helpless made her remember the night where she was also the same way. It felt fun deep down, it was like high school where she wanted to fight back against her bullies. With a bruised eye and a bloodied lip, she finally relents and makes a warning. 
“I’m going to remind you who’s in charge now,” she huffs, adjusting her dress to keep her from staring at the injuries. “I will give you a week to take your things out and construct a letter of resignation. You can lose a job here, or lose it everywhere. I dont need to remind you what I can do, do I make myself clear?” The commotion causes the car lot attendant to come, concerned about the man’s bloody face and her state. It was just as bloody. The director praises in rescue, but her face was neutral as he raises a walkie-talkie. 
The car attendant requests for back up, using a code to demand assistance and clean up for Minseo’s mess. She leaves the scene before everyone else witnesses her fury, being noted that every track will be erased. 
-
“Ah! Miss Choi--!!” the house attendant was stunned seeing her face. “I’ll get--”
She speeds through the basement coughing out her nervousness, preventing the house attendant to become the next target and see what she sustained for the day. The room was filled with a wall full of weaponry, wine bottles and a quaint amount of area to study. She screams her head off and throws her bag against the wall, shaking her hands out of fear the she’s about to destroy this room. Her head felt light, the stinging pain of the wounds have now been strongly evident.
Deep Breath. Deep Breath. That’s what I’ve been told to do. Suppress it. It prevented me from hurting myself, both intentionally and unintentionally. It always ends the same. I scream out so loud and try not to grip my hair, throw something, punch something, drown myself in alcohol-- which one of those I have already failed to not do. On the bright side, no poor violin is destroyed. So here it is, the cycle begins again. Like coming to a footnote with its next line. But for me, it feels like a violin’s bow needing to be replaced. The rosin dust reminiscent of my violence as a new bow representing myself hits the strings that is my life. A new piece begins. There is no denying that I will remain the same from the start, however.
Tempo primo.
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nyehilismwriting · 3 years ago
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How does everyone view their own gender? What are their ✨feelings✨ towards themselves (and maybe about how the world views them) on that matter? Like, we know that Rhaxa doesn't really fit on the whole human gender spectrum and just uses they/them for convenience, but what about everyone else?? Has Leanna or Ki-ha ever questioned their own gender?? Spill the teaaa 😔✋
ough okay. got long and rambly so putting individual character breakdowns below the cut <3
as a rule, i think the hadea world falls somewhere between contemporary western society and an idealised future in terms of gender roles, misogyny, and transphobia. while nonbinary and trans identities are far more widely accepted and normalised as a whole, it’s a strongly wealth-driven society, which results in a fair amount of rainbow capitalism - nash and the commander, for example, are highly successful, well-regarded nonbinary people at the top of their fields in paramilitary espionage. the director is a powerful, driven, successful woman who orders corporate assassinations on a regular basis. it’s a combination of much wider personal freedom, with more limited medical access and a general idea that any group of people can be exploited for profit, regardless of their identity.
so rhaxa doesn't care, lmao. if i had to use contemporary terminology i'd describe them as agender - this doesn't 100% apply since it still assumes an opposition to other genders/an existing binary, which isn't something the aliens have. even within alien society, though, rhaxa's never had to put much thought into their role or position, which is part of the reason they're so relaxed about pronouns and the identities people might be projecting onto them. they're very confident in themself, and gender doesn't play any role in their identity so it's all just. 🤷‍♀️
i've talked a bit about imxa's particular pronoun use in this post - obviously, this is based on some not entirely accurate preconceptions about human ideas of gender, and missing some nuance about misogyny and such, but those aren't things imxa has much of a clue about. people tend not to try to be misogynistic towards you when you're a giant scary bug, strangely enough.
nash is... nonbinary. ik this is kind of a null statement but that's how they see themself: they're not transmasc or transfemme, they're just. themself. which I think is part of the reason they started identifying that way, and have done for a long time; they’re very firmly in the “i just work here” camp, with a side of “whose business is it anyway”.
with rohan, i kind of oscillate a bit; xe’s always pretty femme regardless of the pronouns you choose for xem, but i think xir gender is always a bit more of a Presentation. whatever it is xe’s doing - whether it’s leaning into hyperfeminity or gnc-ness, it’s always a bit of a performance. i tend to think of xem as a little more fluid than the others, and that’s definitely in part bc xe’s gender-selectable, but i think that there’s an element of using it as armour there, too; xe’s obviously got a lot of Stuff going on (got a ‘send rohan to therapy’ anon literally as i typed this answer) and the more layers xe can put between xemself and the outside world, the better. i also have a lot of thoughts about the gender-selection mechanic: i’m not fully decided whether i’m happy with the choice to describe xem as a man/woman/person as a way of deciding xir pronouns, and that’s something i might edit at some point, cause i do think regardless of what you choose, xe’s up to some shit, there. even if you choose she/her pronouns and end up with a feminine woman, there’s a lot of performance around that choice; it’s not a subconscious decision on xir part, it’s always very deliberate. at least in part, it’s a way of making xemself seem nonthreatening, both physically and socially.
leanna’s always been pretty settled into her identity as a cis woman; she’s a lesbian, which is a big part of how she IDs, but i think she’s spent most of her life in various lgbt circles. she approaches it from a fairly pragmatic perspective; she’s a cis woman, not because it’s the default or the ‘assumed’ gender for her, but because she’s decided that’s what suits her.
ki-ha...he’s a very private person. he has thought about it a lot, done the gender questioning thing, but i do have relevant stuff planned for him ingame so i’m gonna 🤐 same with skylar - i have a lot of thoughts for my lil guy that have yet to resolve into a solid plan. i just have to sit very still and not look at them directly until they come to me.
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vendettaparker · 4 years ago
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Peanut Butter and Extra Jelly [T.H]
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Summary: Tom’s long time crush on you becomes painful when you and Harrison are cast as love interests in a movie. 
Paring: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader 
Word Count: 5.8k
Warning: Suggestive themes, fake smut (very light), jealousy, probably some typos, swearing 
a/n: i have no idea how filming a movie, or auditioning for one actually goes so don’t crucify me for this. i’m pretty happy with how this turned out, especially considering that this is the most i’ve ever written for a fic. also, Burt Kreisher is one of my fav comedians in real life, he has 3 shows on neflix and a mini series.  
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     Tom was not a jealous person. At least, that's what he always told himself. He prided himself in thinking he was a very level headed individual who didn’t let his emotions get the best of him. That worked best for his job anyways; always being able to control his emotions and not get in his own head. That simple, pacifistic mindset seemed to change when it came to you. 
      You were one of the many actors Tom got the pleasure to help hone their technique and work closely with. You were new to the lifestyle of Hollywood and the only roles you had before were in small indie films that never garnered too much attention. The first major role that you landed, which also happened to help kickstart your career, was in the MCU. You played the secondary villain in the third Spider-man movie. 
     Meeting the cast was a dream come true; they were all extremely helpful and they provided tons of tips and tricks in navigating the hectic schedule required for such a huge production. By the time filming wrapped up, you were considered part of their little Spider-man family. 
     Tom was easily the most helpful. Whenever he saw you struggling with anything, he offered to help. You two spent hours upon hours together in his trailer, ordering take out and practicing lines. Some nights you two planned to work through your script, but inevitably ended up falling asleep binge watching The Office, and laughing about crazy shit that happened on set that day. 
     When the movie wrapped up and you went home for a month before the press tour, you were completely unsure and nervous about what direction your career was going in. You auditioned for a few new movies, but had yet to hear from any of the directors about casting decisions. You kept in touch Tom during the month you were apart and expressed your concerns. 
     “I don’t know, Tom. I’m just so sick of waiting around and hoping that some director out there throws me a bone, ya know’?” You said on facetime, while making cookies. 
     “Yeah, I totally understand that, (Y/N/N). I had that issue a couple years ago before the Marvel movies. Trust me, you did outstanding in that role and once it gets noticed I’m positive you’ll have directors calling you, begging for you to audition.” Tom smiled warmly into the camera as he walked around his apartment in London. 
      “Yeah, easy for you to say, movie-star.” You giggled, turning your face away from the camera in hopes that Tom wouldn’t notice the blush his compliments painted onto your cheeks 
     “I’m serious! You were outstanding! Like in that one scene where you—” 
      “Tom! Tessa chewed a hole in my trousers again!” A voice came from outside of the frame, “Mate, you gotta get her to stop doing that somehow.” 
     Tom sighed, and waved his hand dismissively at the figure, “Okay, sure. I’m busy right now.” Tom looked back to the camera, “anyways, as I was saying, don’t stress about not having a new project yet, (Y/N)—” 
     “(Y/N)?” The other voice whisper-yelled. “Let me say hi!”, suddenly the phone was yanked out of Tom's hands and the video shook around a bit as Tom wrestled to get it back. Finally, the camera stilled and Harrison was on the other end smiling. “Hi, (Y/N)!” 
     “Oh, hi Harrison!” You smiled back, laughing. You'd met Harrison a few times when he visited Tom on set. “How are you?” 
     The camera started moving around more as the background behind Harrsion whizzed past. You assumed Tom must’ve been chasing him to get the phone back. 
     “I’m good! I just auditioned for a new movie. You should audition too! The main female lead’s description looks just like you.” He exclaimed, running past the kitchen to his room. 
     “Oi! Give me my phone back you div!” You heard Tom yelling in the background, no doubt in hot pursuit of Harrison. 
     “I don’t know, I'm not sure I’m prepared for a lead role.” You sighed, “What’s the movie called? I’ll look into it.” 
     “It’s called ‘Collateral Damage’, it’s a spy movie.” Harrison said, shutting the door to his room, while Tom pounded on it from the other side. “Yeah, it’d be really fun working with you. Tom constantly talks about how much fun you are on set.” Harrison wheezed out, trying to catch his breath. 
      “Aw, that’s sweet of him.” You laughed. “Well I’ve got to go. Just tell Tom he can call me tomorrow or something.” You waved at the camera. “Bye!”
     “Yup, bye.” Harrison said right before the video cut out. 
      Harrison finally opened the door to a seething Tom. Tom grabbed the phone back from Harrison and noticed that the call had ended. 
     “Dude! Why would you do that?” Tom whined. 
     Harrison just patted Tom’s back, “Sorry, mate. She said she had to go, though. I was about to give the phone back.” 
     Tom huffed and sulked for a moment. “Whatever, I’ll just call her later, I guess.” 
     Harrison nodded and smirked at how whipped Tom was. “You should just ask her out if you’re so desperate for her attention.” Harrison teased. 
     “Shut up. I’m not desperate for her attention, I just like her voice and her personality, and the way she talks, and her funny sayings, and how her hair looks when she just woke up.” 
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     It was only a few days later when you received an email from the director of the movie Harrison told you about, asking for you to audition. You were ecstatic, Harrison must’ve already sent in some things about you since the director seemed adamant that you were of high interest for the role. 
     You called Tom immediately to share the good news. 
     He picked up after the third ring, “Hello, darling! How are you?” he beamed when he answered your call. He usually was the one to call you so he felt a sense of pride knowing that you were calling him for once. 
     “Tom! The director of the movie Harrison auditioned for just emailed me asking for me to audition!” You squealed excitedly. 
     “Really? That’s wonderful, love! Harrison just got the part of the lead too, so you’d be filming with him if you got it.” 
     “That’s so exciting, I’m flying to London for the audition in two days. Are you still there?” You pulled the phone away from your ear and switched it to speaker. “I’m booking the flight right now.” 
     “Yeah, I’ll be in London for another week and a half. Then we have the press tour starting in Japan.” Tom said, also switching to speaker phone to look at his calendar. “You can stay with Harrison and I while you’re here. Since we have to go to Japan together anyways.” Tom offered nervously. He really wanted you to stay in his flat with him. It’d be all cute and domestic, and maybe, just maybe, he’d spend enough time with you to not feel nervous about asking you on a date. If he was lucky, that is, but awaiting your reply he was a jittery ball of nerves. 
     “Yeah, that sounds wonderful. I won't be intruding though, right?” You said, smiling from ear to ear. Thank god you weren’t on facetime and Tom couldn’t see the stupid smile adoring your features. 
     “No, of course not. Harry will be so excited to see you. And Tessa too, she really misses you.” Tom shuffled around with his phone, shooting a quick text to Harrison letting him know you were coming to stay for a week. 
     “Ok, thanks so much, this is really thoughtful of you. I absolutely can’t wait to see you!” You gushed, finalizing your purchase of a one-way ticket to London. “K, the flight is at 2:30 pm here, it’s about 9 and a half hours, but you’re also ahead of me, so I’ll be in around..5?”
     “Yeah, that sounds right to me,” Tom chuckled, “I’ll come pick you up. I’ll wear my incognito disguise.” 
     “If you mean that stupid t-shirt you got that says ‘I’M NOT A CELEBRITY’, then maybe I’ll ask Harrison to come pick me up…”
     “That’s cold (Y/L/N).” 
     You giggled softly, “I’m sorry, Tommy. If it makes you feel better, that shirt isn’t as bad as that stupid blue beanie that you never wear correctly.”
     “How the fuck would that make me feel better? You’re killing me, (Y/N/N).” 
     You laughed at his over dramatic reaction, “Sorry that you’re a sensitive babe. I gotta go now, see you soon!” You hung up before Tom could respond with a sassy quip. Then immediately after you received a text:
Tommy: The second you get here I’m bout to 👊 
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     Tom called Harrison up after you got off the phone, he needed to make sure his best friend wouldn’t say or do anything to embarrass him in front of you. 
     “Tom, don’t you think this is a bit obsessive? I mean, she’s only staying with us for a week and you already know her so well from spending all that time filming with her.” Harrison sighed, sick of listening to Tom ramble about every possible embarrassing situation he could be put in, in the coming week. 
     “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. It's no big deal. But don’t mention that time I accidentally shit my pants at the club, or that time I got hit in the head with a golf ball ‘cus I got distracted by a flock of geese, or that time a got chased by a flock of geese, or—”
     “Geez, mate. At this point we might as well not even talk to her.” Harrison chuckled, thinking of all the stories he could bring up about Tom around the dinner table with you. Tom really was just a walking ball of embarrassing moments. 
     “Stoppp ittt,” Tom whined, “when we were on set it was usually just the cast and Harry around, but you? You could do some real fucking damage to my love life, Haz.” 
     “What love life?” Harrison barked out, laughing. 
     Tom then hung up and began praying to whatever god was out there that this week could go by without a hitch, and then you and him would be on your way, together, to Japan. 
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     The whole week spent in London actually went really well, especially the audition. Tom and Harrison both accompanied you for moral support, well Harrison actually had to be there to be your scene partner, but it was still nice knowing he supported you. 
     The director shook your hand and you went through the normal formalities before beginning your scene with Harrison. It was a quick scene with a monologue in it. The main premise of the movie was all about choosing love over work, especially in dangerous, life-threatening scenarios. The scene you used to audition with Harrison was the scene where the main character, Lincoln, and his lover interest, Mallory, were arguing, trying to push each other away to keep each other safe. The scene had a lot of raw emotion that you were able to tap into, and the directors gave your performance a standing ovation once the scene concluded. 
     They said that they’d get back to you within the next few days, but they also mentioned how the chemistry between you and Harrison was off the charts, leaving you hopeful. Tom and Harrison both gave you hugs and pats on the back. Tom had watched the whole scene unfold and he was in complete and utter awe of your talent. Part of him was annoyed that he didn’t audition for the movie and a chance as your love interest. But Harrison deserved this big break and so did you, so he was hopeful of the outcome being something that benefitted both of his best friends. 
    After the audition the rest of the week went by nearly perfectly. The real kicker was when Tom’s family invited you and Harrison to join them for dinner. Tom had not anticipated his mom asking you to come to family dinner, so he wasn’t able to stop the embarrassing anecdotes his mom told on his behalf. 
     “Tom had the cutest little tush,” Nikki exclaimed, placing the old homemade scrapbook in your lap and flipping through a couple of pages. “See look,” she happily pointed to a picture of Tom as a toddler in a bath, surrounded by bubbles, his little bum poking through them. 
     Tom sat uncomfortably on the sofa next to you, cringing at the now 21 year old photo of him. He expected you to also cringe along, or worse case scenario, get up and make a flimsy excuse to leave his crazy family, but you just chuckled along with Nikki and continued making your way through the scrapbook, making little comments here and there. 
     “Oh, and this one,” Nikki said, pointing to a photo of Tom crying and Sam holding up a superhero action figure triumphantly, “that was Tom’s favorite toy, but when Sam saw how much Tom liked it, he made an effort to always be playing with it when Tom came into the room and he wouldn’t share.”
     You giggled at the little whiny face Tom made in the picture, and turned to him, replicating it on your face, making fun of him. Tom laughed along and playfully shoved you. He adored how well you seemed to fit in with his family and his feelings for you only multiplied. 
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     The week in London was one of the best in your life. You didn’t realize how much you missed Tom until you got to the airport and he was there waiting for you, unfortunately in his stupid blue beanie, and no, it wasn’t on right, his big ears poked out of it horrendously. 
     The last day you had in London before you and Tom went to Japan, you finally received a call about the audition. The director called you to congratulate you on getting the part, and he sent you numerous emails about scheduling, where to be, and when. Harrison was elated to have a familiar face playing his love interest on screen, and Tom was over the moon excited for you, this on top of the Spider-man movie coming out, you were certainly becoming a force to be reckoned with. 
     You spent the night celebrating at a club, Harry and Sam also showed up to party with you. The night was still young and the club was already packed and in full swing. Tom ordered two shots for each of you to start off the night before he was whisked away by a few fans to sign autographs. When he didn’t return you took it upon yourself to have his shots, giving you an extra edge to help spice up your night. 
     Harrison found Tom in the corner of the club talking to some fans. But throughout his whole time taking pictures with them, he couldn’t help but glance at you every once and a while. You looked so carefree and beautiful, dancing around in your shiny silver top and leather leggings. 
      “Tom.” Harrison interrupted Tom’s gawking and directed his attention to the small group of fans Tom was with. 
     Tom nodded and finished up his pictures and autographs before wishing them all a good and safe night. Once he reached you, you engulfed him in a bone crushing hug. 
     “Thank you for such a great time in London, Tommy.” you slurred, already feeling the impact of the four shots you took. “I had the best time of my whole life.” You pecked his cheek and pulled him close to dance with you. 
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     The following month or so on the press tour was a once in a lifetime experience. You travelled to more cities than you even knew the name of and you had all of your friends by your side. More so, you had motivation to remain approachable and well liked by fans considering that you were moving up in the industry. Some interviews were mostly for Tom, Zendaya, and Jacob. Your role in the movie was big enough for you to be needed for some interviews, and most people were genuinely interested in getting to know you, but there were also a handful of press activities that you weren’t included in, which you didn’t mind. 
     When you didn’t have anything to do for an hour or so, you would text Harrison and send him funny memes. He was quickly becoming one of your closest friends; you had already created a surplus of inside jokes with him just over the phone. 
     Tom noticed how you were always laughing at your phone or rapid fire texting. Even when you were being interviewed, Tom could faintly hear the buzz of your text message notifications going off. 
     “Tom,” you snapped in front of his eyes, “did you need something?” 
     “Huh?” Tom blinked a few times, “Uh—no, sorry.” Tom’s cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed for having been caught staring at you. He couldn’t help it though, you were dressed so pretty that day. You had your hair done up in two bubble braids and you wore his pink sweatshirt over your yellow sundress. 
     “Okay then.” You smiled at him. You went back to your phone, reading what Harrison had just texted you. “What was the name of that comedian we watched the other night?” 
     “The one on Netflix?” 
     You hummed out a yes, tapping away at your phone. 
     “Burt Kreisher, why?” Tom asked, leaning over to your chair to try and catch a glimpse of who you were texting. When he saw the contact name “Hazzy”, he couldn't stop the little angry pit of jealousy that started in his stomach. Sure, you were here with him now, not with Harrison, but when you two were apart you also texted him nonstop, and the texts seemed to all be inside jokes, which was something you also shared with him that he held near and dear.
     “I made a joke referencing him to Harrison and he didn’t get it. Fucking nerd.” You chuckled, texting Harrison a link to the skit you were referring to. 
     Tom chuckled along, but he couldn’t help but frown slightly at how bright your smile was when Harrison replied. 
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     The press tour and premiere of the movie seemed to go by lighting fast. You’d never been to a premiere for a production this big, and your nerves for the red carpet were starting to get to you. 
     You and Zendaya were stuffed into a hotel room with both of your respective teams, both trying to rapidly get both of you ready for the event. 
     “So when do you start filming for your next project?” Zendaya asked, she sat in front of a broadway-equse mirror, bright bulbs of light giving a luminescent glow to her already near flawless complexion. She hadn’t even finished her makeup yet and she was so pretty.  
     “In a month, I have to go back to London next week.” You said, sifting through the opinions you brought for dresses. You brought three options, just in case you changed your mind after seeing yourself in the dress. “Harrison and I are going to go over the scripts together and we were also told to go out in public a few times; for press and whatnot.” 
      “That’s exciting!” Zendaya mused, she glanced at the clock and gave her hairdresser some instructions about how much time she had to do hair. “It’s a good thing you guys are already friends. I remember when I filmed ‘The Greatest Showman’ I didn’t know many of the actors personally, so we had to go out together and do press all while being almost strangers. It was a bit nerve wracking.” Zendaya smiled at you fondly, she was like an older sister to you during this whole movie-making process, she constantly had your back. 
     “Yeah, I mean I’ll probably be in a situation like that at some point, but for my first lead role it’s nice to be working opposite a friend.” You smiled back, finally deciding on the red, sequined dress. 
     You both sat and worked through the makeup process in comfortable silence. 
     “So you and Tom…” Zendaya broke the silence and looked at you with a smirk on her face. 
     “What?” You looked at her with a dumbfounded look, before nervously laughing, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
     “Don’t play dumb, (Y/N/N).” She poked your arm and laughed, “He’s literally obsessed with you.” 
     You laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. A movie star, and very famous movie star at that, obsessed with you? You? Impossible. 
     “Yeah no, sorry but you got the wrong girl, babe.” You sighed, pulling out your phone to snap and selfie with her for your instagram story. You quickly snapped a pic of the two of you, her kissing your cheek, leaving a small, faint lipstick mark. “I mean it’d be nice,” you back tracked, “but I’m sure that’s just my wishful thinking.” 
     “What wishful thinking? I thought you were a pessimist?” Zendaya chuckled, taking her own photo with you to post later. 
     “I am, but I can’t help but indulge a bit.” 
                      ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶
     Before you knew it, you were back in London, staying in a rented out flat for the next three to four months. Harrison was kind enough to come over to help you set up a work space, but he also offered you to spend most of your time at his place. Since Tom was in New York, doing interviews about the new Spider-man movie and having meetings with the Marvel Cinematic Universe team to try and gauge his future in the MCU, he wouldn’t be around for almost a month, so Harrison offered up Tom’s office when you needed to go over a scene by yourself and wanted a place that was already set up. 
     The days of filming seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. Most of your scenes were with Harrison, and he was the perfect scene partner. He rarely messed up, but if he did then he was quick to use it as an opportunity to improvise. His skills weren’t as well honed in like Tom’s, but it was obvious that their style ranged from a similar source. 
     The main thing about this movie that you were excited, but extremely nervous for, were the two sex scenes. The first one is at the beginning, where the two leads give in to each other for a night, then there's some implied stuff in between, and the last one is when the two leads part ways for the final time at the end of the movie. The first one had to be rough, fast, and needy, whereas the second one was direct to be more slow, thought out, and sensual. 
      Both were extremely stress-inducing to film. Harrison had also never done any scenes like this before, so he was on the same boat as you. Thankfully you had an amazing director and stunt coordinator to work with and with the help of other crew members, the scenes were mapped out so that it wasn’t too much improv or guessing on your part. 
                                 ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶
     The first intimate scene you shot actually happened to be the one at the end of the movie. That scene was more tame and dealt with more emotional subtexts than physical. Since you filmed that one first, you went into filming the next one with more confidence. It only took a few days to get the first scene down to perfection, so with this newfound confidence, it shouldn’t take too long to get the next one done. 
     On the days you shot intimate scenes, you only needed to wear the costume you wore before the scene and then you changed into a robe with nude underwear underneath. The bits with the outfit on before were already shot, so the director called a 30 minute break until you could begin shooting the actual sex part. 
     You were standing by the snack table, eyes scanning the table for any more muffins leftover from breakfast. The robe you wore made your skin prickle whenever a draft came onto set. 
     Just as you had found the muffin you were looking for, a pair of warm hands covered your eyes. 
     “Guess who!” An all too familiar warm, British accentuated, voice called. 
      You turned around in his arms, effectively nudging his hands from your face, and soon you were met with the warmest hazel eyes. Eyes that you missed so much this past month. 
      “Tommy!” You squealed and thrusted yourself into him in a hug. He immediately reciprocated it and wrapped your body in warmth. “What’re you doing here?” You asked once you let go of him. 
      “Harrison gave me the location so I could come watch you film. I just got home, like, two days ago.” Tom eyed you up and down, not realizing what little you had on. “Um—are you wearing anything under that?” He pointed up and down your figure. 
     “Nope, today and tomorrow we’re scheduled to film the sex scene.” You said casually, doing a silly twirl. Tom gulped. 
     “A s-sex scene?” He choked, “I didn’t know you guys had one.” 
     “Yup,” you smirked, “two actually, this is my first one ever, Haz’s too, I think. Well actually, we filmed the sex scene at the end of the movie last week.” 
     “Yeah… t-that’s cool.” Tom smiled weakly. 
     Right as you were about to continue your conversation with Tom, an arm swung over your shoulder and pulled you close. Harrison smiled at the both of you. He wore a similar robe to yours, except he left the front open. His plaid boxers on full display. 
     “Don’t listen to her, Tom. She’s a natural.” Harrison pinched your cheeks. Tom clenched his jaw at the comment. He knew Harrison hadn't meant to imply anything with it, but he couldn't help but hear the hidden meaning behind the otherwise innocent compliment. 
      You giggled and pushed his hand away, “Only ‘cus my scene partner is so darn cute.” You retaliated, poking and tickling his pecs. 
      This kind of goofy banter was normal between you and Harrison, but Tom hadn’t seen either of you in so long. He also had never seen you two interact so fluently with each other. He watched the interaction with a tight-lipped smile, nodding along and shrugging every once in a while to seem like he was paying attention. In reality though, he couldn’t pry his thoughts away from how close you were to Harrison. 
     “Ok everyone! Places! Let’s wrap this scene up and put it to rest today!” Your director called. You and Harrison smiled and waved goodbye to Tom. Harrison pointed to a chair in the room that had a nice view of the set where Tom could watch. Tom nodded and walked over to the chair, enthusiasm for watching you work completely dissipating. 
     The scene started off rough right off the bat. The second the director said ‘Action!’ you and Harrison were practically pouncing on each other. Harrison had you pressed up against the wall and you were both breathing heavily. He was leaving sloppy, wet kisses down your neck, then across your collar bones. Your moans, which Tom always imagined to sound like music to his ears, sounded too real for his liking. But no matter how much he tried to look away, his eyes were glued to the two bodies moving fluidly with one another. 
     “Cut! Cut!” The director yelled, effectively ending the scene. You and Harrison pulled apart and he gave you a peck on the cheek, as in saying ‘good job’. “That was good, but Harrison,” The blonde nodded, awaiting further instruction. “You gotta be a little rougher, hm?” 
     Harrison nodded along with the critique. “(Y/N)?” the director moved his attention to you, “would it be okay if Harrison marked you up? Just a few hickeys to really sell the illusion. We can do without, though, if you feel uncomfortable.” 
     Tom overheard the interaction and internally hoped that you were too uncomfortable for that, but deep down he knew you would do it. You were never the type to stray away from a challenge. 
     “Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded, chest still heaving from the scene. You looked at Harrison. “Is that okay with you?” 
     Harrison nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. Yeah, you guys have been working at this scene for days now, but he’d never been rough enough to leave marks. He’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t invigorate him. 
     So the scene started from the top, you pressed up against the wall, all your weight shoved between the flimsy wall of the set and Harrison’s strong arms. Harrison did exactly as the director required, leaving noticeable dark spots across the top of your chest. Unlike your previous moans, which had just been for show, this new roughness in his actions tore real moans from your lips. 
     Tom sat uncomfortably in his chair, wishing he picked a different day to visit you on set. He shifted around, watching twin moans pull from both you and Harrison’s throat. He watched as you nipped at Harrison's ear as he faux thrusted into you. The jealousy that had pitted itself in his stomach soon turned to self-loathing. You looked really into the scene, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding. He knew you were a great actress, but he couldn’t believe that this was all acting. In his eyes, he believed that some part of you must wish that this was real. And part of you did like this scenario, but you wouldn’t have picked Harrison to be opposite you in this little fantasy. 
     Your moans and Harrisons both grew louder, leading up to the climax as scripted. Tom, not wanting to watch anymore exited the set quickly before he could watch the scene end. 
     You and Harrison finished up, gaining applause and praise afterwards from the director and crew members on set. 
     “Where’s Tom?” You asked, scrambling back into your robe and smoothing out your now roughed up hair. 
     Harrison, now noticing the absence of his best friend, began to feel a bit guilty. He knew Tom had a thing for you, maybe he should’ve told Tom not to visit set today. 
     “Um, (Y/N)?” He mumbled, pulling you aside slightly. 
     “Yeah?” You still looked around for Tom a bit, heart sinking when you realized that he must've left without saying goodbye. 
      “I shouldn’t be the one telling you this,” Harrison began, drawing your full attention, “but Tom really likes you. He always downplayed it, so I didn’t realize how much, but I think watching this scene might’ve upset him a bit.” Harrison looked towards the exit, no doubtedly where Tom left through, out into the parking lot. 
     “Oh—oh!” You gasped, feeling terribly for having put Tom in such an awkward position. “I didn’t know he felt the same.” You whispered, smiling softly to yourself. Guess Z was right after all. You pulled away from Harrison, “I’ll go talk to him.” 
                                 ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶
      Tom didn’t go far. He still wanted to be there to support you; he didn’t want to come off as a jealous prick, but he couldn’t keep watching that intimacy between you and his best friend. He sat on the curb outside of the building the set was built in. A few people passed him going to their designated buildings on the lot, but he didn’t pay any mind to them, too lost in his thoughts. He needed to tell you sooner rather than later how he felt. No time to be a pussy anymore. 
     “Tom?” You walked up next to his sitting figure, still only in a robe, tightly wrapped around you. He looked up to acknowledge you, mumbling a soft ‘Hey.’ before looking back down, trying to collect his thoughts and courage. It’s now or never. 
     You sat beside him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Harrison told me something interesting in there,” You paused for a moment before continuing, “about you.” 
     Tom’s head shot up, and he looked at you with frantic eyes, only imagining the worse. There were too many things Harrison could’ve told you about Tom to sully your image of him. 
     “Whatever it was, he's a lying prick!” Tom rushed out. 
     You giggled, lifting your head up to look him in the eyes, his dark hazel eyes boring into yours. 
     “That’s a shame then,” You shrugged, “considering I like you too.” 
     Tom breathed out a sigh of relief, before looking back at you, doing a double take. 
    “Wait, what?” 
     “Mhm, yeah.” You said casually, standing up. “But since Harrison’s a liar then I suppose he was wrong.” You teased. 
     “No!” Tom grabbed your wrist and pulled you back next to him, but his aim was a bit off and you ended up in his lap. “He lies about a lot, but not about this.”
     You smiled at him, “I should hope not, considering I’m crazy about you.” 
     Tom couldn’t help the smile that beamed across his face, but then he noticed the marks left on you by Harrison. Remembering why he was insecure in the first place, he looked away. 
     “What about Harrison?” He asked. You looked at him utterly confused. Tom caught on and explained further. “You looked like you were really into that scene with him.” 
     You giggled and pinched Tom’s cheek, turning it red. “I’m an actress, you idiot.”
     Tom scoffed, “I know that. It’s just— I didn’t realize you could fake that kind of love.” 
     You looked at Tom’s downcast face. You leaned in and kissed his neck, just under his jaw. You nipped and sucked softly, leaving a nice, dark pink blotch that would go away in a few days under his jaw and he whimpered softly.
     “I’d never fake that kind of love with you.” You grabbed his face, holding it gently in your hands. “I’d never have to.” You whispered, pulling him in for a kiss, soft and sweet. 
     Tom pulled you closer, resting a hand on the small of your back, kissing back fervently. 
     The short make-out session being cut short by the door to the set bursting opened. Harrison rushing out, now dressed in slacks and a white button up for the next scene you needed to shoot that day. 
     “(Y/N)! Hair and makeup need you.” You lugged yourself off of Tom’s lap, promising to talk to him after you finished for the day. You went back inside, jokingly blowing a kiss to Harrison on your way. 
     Harrison stayed outside and sat next to Tom. 
     “Did she confess first?” He asked after a moment of silence. 
     “Yup.” Tom smiled happily, licking his lips, tasting the strawberry chapstick he saw you put on earlier. 
     “You owe me 10 pounds then, you wimp.” 
     “Oh, fuck off.” Tom groaned, promptly pulling ten pounds out of his wallet and handing it to Haz. 
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stuffems · 2 years ago
Note
@udit0r slime inflation RUNS OFF
NOW YOU'RE SPEAKIN MY LANGUAGE
A package with a Nexus Core insignia sat smugly on the A.uditor’s desk when he had arrived at his office that morning. The Employer was always skeptical of the gifts that the accursed organization sent him. It was never something so kind or organized as a letter, no. It was always some sort of experiment that the infamous Director had given the green light on and insisted the Auditor be forced to witness it personally. Of course, this was no exception. 
Taking a seat at his desk, A.udi drew the package forward and carefully inspected it on every side. Nothing inside rattled or thrummed so it wasn’t a machine of any kind, that much was clear. Deft black talons cut open the tape on the top of the box and the Employer peeked in at the contents. A simple and round metal container sat within, fit just perfectly so as to not be jostled during transport. 
The Employer gave a small grunt in thought as he retrieved the container. He pondered for a moment as to why they hadn’t simply shipped the container itself until he noticed that only the lid was metal while the rest was thick glass. Through the glass, he could see a bright pink gelatin-like substance. It didn’t writhe or anything of that sort so it clearly wasn’t a living abomination sent for the Auditor’s inspection. The main issue was that it came with no note explaining whatever this thing plopped onto his desk was. 
“I’m going to assume this is simply some sort of joke.” The A.uditor muttered to himself. Unlatching the lid, it was hardly a moment before an overwhelming scent of strawberries wafted out from the container. It certainly took the Employer by surprise. A note was taped to the underside of the metallic lid but held no moisture of any kind that would’ve come from something like this being in transit of any sort. 
“We of Nexus Core offer you this gift in the form of a dessert made by our personal chefs. We hope you enjoy it. Director Ph0b0s.” The note elaborated as Audi read through it. A dessert? Really? His eyes looked back to the gelatin resting in the container. Granted, the scent was enticing to the sweet-toothed Employer but he was hesitant to ingest such a thing. After all, who was to say it wasn’t some way to kill him from within? That was a bit of a silly assumption, though, he admitted. Phobos had no such power and even if he did, the A.uditor and the other Employers would know well before it ever got to his desk. 
The Employer crumpled up the note and reduced it to ashes in his palm. He returned his attention to the “dish” on his desk that smelled just as sweet as any other of his favorite snacks. He took a portion of it on the tip of his claw, noting it was much thinner than normal gelatin, and tasted it. It was indeed quite sweet and tasted of strawberries tossed in sugar. Such a thing was quite the temptation for the A.uditor. Giving one final glance around to make sure no one was around, he spawned a spoon in one hand and dug in. 
The consistency of the dessert was new to the A.uditor. On one hand, it was similar to gelatin but on the other, it was more like syrup. Perhaps it was in between. The taste itself was also new, honestly. While it wasn’t quite as satisfying as the sodas he would drink on occasion, it was still nice. He wouldn’t eat it all now of course but he would keep it for later. There was still more than half of the container left. 
Strangest of all, though, the Employer felt a discomfort in his stomach from the sweet. Not a pain but it was… wrong. Thinking himself simply too paranoid, the Auditor lifted the lid to place back onto the container- only to find it completely empty. He blinked, looking around and thoroughly confused as to how in the barrens it was empty! 
His answer was a pink blur clamping directly onto his face.
Dissolving into a cloud of black flame and causing the offending thing to slop onto the ground, the A.uditor reformed a good six feet from it with a gun trained onto it. What had Phobos given him?! Of course that blasted bastard had sent such a thing to kill him! He should’ve known well not to trust anything from that damned director. 
The slime slithered forward, the bullets phasing into the floor as it approached its target. An Employer was quite a difficult being to physically grasp, afterall. They could phase around and change shape as they wished it. The A.uditor was no exception. But that oddness in his stomach made him hesitate and the slimy creature took its opportunity. 
Like a bullet, it leapt up and forced itself into the A.uditor’s mouth. It was too sweet for his teeth but he couldn’t help but take it in. The sensation in his middle grew warmer but soothing, easing the Employer to sit onto the ground as he gulped down more and more of the decadent dessert. It felt like a wave of warmth that filled his stomach near to bursting. Thankfully, he had the awareness to unbutton the lower portion of his suit jacket and his collared shirt to allow for his enlarged middle. 
One final swallow and the A.uditor could hardly keep himself sitting up straight with how dazed and full he was. Instead, he chose to lean against the wall and rub his distended stomach. This was new for him, certainly. Such a shape wasn’t exactly something he’d ever taken but the warmth of his meal left the Employer’s mind in a comforting fog. He could almost doze off. 
And he did just that.
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fangirl-writes · 4 years ago
Text
Kiss and Tell
5sos x Fem!Reader
Warning(s): swearing probably
Notes: the quarantine chats are dangerous. I could have made this fic so much longer than I did and I really wasn’t sure how to end it tbh 😅
Summary: You've kissed all the boys at some point or another so they call upon you to settle an argument.
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“What.” You deadpanned when your face popped up on the screen.
“Y/N!”
You narrowed your eyes. They were all smiling at you a little too sweetly.
“What.”
“Why do you assume we want something from you?” Calum asked.
“Because you never fucking let me into these things unless you want me to do something,” You replied and they laughed. “So what do you want?”
“We need you to settle an argument,” Ashton said.
“About what?” You asked, taking a drink from your water bottle.
“Well, you know how you’ve kissed all of us at one point or another?”
You choked on your water and they burst into laughter again.
“Great, yeah, I could be dying over here and you fuckers are laughing. I feel the love.” You said, face heating up.
“Sorry, Y/N,” Luke said through his laughter.
“Who’s the better kisser, Y/N?” Michael asked, swaying back and forth in his seat.
“I’m not answering that!”
“Come on, Y/N!” Ashton encouraged. “The fans want to know!”
You groaned, burying your face into your sweater covered hands. “Couldn’t you have asked someone else?”
“All the other girls we know are biased! Plus you’re the only one who has kissed us all.”
“Oh,” Michael interjected, looking at the chat. “Speaking of, the fans would like to know the story for each of these kisses.”
You let out another loud groan that set them into another fit of laughter. “None of you fuckers told me this was live.”
“I can vouch for some scenarios,” Ashton said. “One of us was obviously present for each kiss, um” - he cleared his throat - “she kissed me...actually, some of you probably saw when she kissed me during a- aaah, what’re they called?”
“Keeks,” you said, coming out of your hiding.
“Shit, yeah, that’s right. It was a joke to a one direction song or something.” he replied. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, chat’s right. It was in a car and ‘kiss you’ by 1D was playing. So I puckered my lips towards her, as you do,”
The other boys and you laughed.
“And, uh, she let me kiss her. Like the song says.”
“And I regret that decision every day.” You said.
“Oh!”
“Ooh.”
“Harsh.”
“Ouch,” Ashton said, smiling. “That- that was only a peck though, you didn’t even get the full Ashton experience.”
You wrinkled your nose and stuck your tongue out at him. He stuck out his right back.
“She kissed me in a game of spin the bottle,” Michael piped up.
“When we were fifteen,” You said. “And I remember you used way too much tongue.”
Michael blushed a little bit. “Hey, I didn’t hear you complaining,”
“You were fifteen, bro, she was just happy to be kissed,” Calum said, making the group laugh.
“Yeah, imagine having to watch that,” Luke said. “It was pretty gross but Y/N seemed to enjoy it at the time.”
You laughed. “Like Cal said, I was just happy to be kissed,” you said, winking at Michael.
He rolled his eyes with a grin. “Ouch,”
“I think you kissed me during one of the old music videos, right Y/N?” Luke asked.
You nodded. “Yeah, but I think it got cut from the final thing. I don’t remember which one it was.”
“Was it She Looks So Perfect?” Calum asked.
“No, I don’t think so,”
“Oh my gosh!” Michael exclaimed. “Remember when we tried to get Y/N to run into the shot in her bra and a pair of American Apparel underwear?”
The group erupted into laughter.
“Oh my god, yeah!”
“And she would jump into Luke’s arms at the end?”
“Yeah, yeah!”
“I couldn’t believe you guys even had the guts to ask me that.” You said. “I told them no, of course, but they didn’t drop the subject the entire time they were filming.” 
“So it definitely wasn’t She Looks So Perfect.”
“No,”
“Was it Don’t Stop?”
"Nah, she kissed Calum on the cheek in that one,”
Calum giggled, a small blush spreading across his face.
“Wasn’t one of the recent ones was it? Not No Shame or Easier?”
“No, definitely not, we’d have remembered that.”
“Fuck was it something from Youngblood?”
“Not Girls Talk Boys was it?”
“No, no, no,”
“Jesus, how many music videos am I in?” 
“I think you’re in them all.”
“I’m in all of them?” You said, shocked.
“You didn’t know that?” Ashton replied.
“No, I didn’t know that. I mean I knew I was in a lot but I didn’t think it was them all.”
“Yeah, you always have some sort of cameo,” Luke said. “Even in Try Hard though you refused to ride the Rollercoaster.”
“Fuckin’ hate those things,”
“Oh, found it!” Michael exclaimed, a video playing in the reflection of his glasses. “It was in Good Girls, but it was cut.”
“Thought so,” You replied.
“It was during that slowed down, echo-y part.” Michael continued, dragging the video back a little bit.
“Oh, yeah, they had you jump up on stage and just, like, aggressively kiss Luke,” Ashton said.
You all laughed.
“Yeah. I remember that now. They wanted me to be one of the bad girls which I am absolutely not-”
“What do you mean? That song was about you.”
“I think the fuck not Mr. Irwin.”
That brought on more laughing.
“Yeah, don’t go looking that up,” You said. “Let’s just say there’s a reason it was cut.”
“It’s really not that bad,” Michael defended.
“I disagree, I’ve seen it.”
“I’m not sure how to feel about your strong emotions about this, Y/N,” Luke said with a laugh.
You laughed in return. “Trust me, Luke-ster, you were not the problem.”
“We’re getting off topic here,” Ashton interrupted. “How was the kiss, Y/N?”
You rolled your eyes, a small blush creeping across your cheeks. “It...wasn’t that bad... Better than Michael’s anyway.”
“Hey!”
You laughed and Luke shot you a wink through the camera.
“From the video it looks like you were enjoying it, Y/N,” Michael said with a smirk, getting you back for the comment.
“Fuck off Michael it was acting,”
"Mm hm, whatever you say,”
Your face was hot as you remembered it. The director had wanted it to be hot and intense. Wanted you to act like the girl from the song, which was hard for you on its own but you also had to full on kiss Luke in front of a whole bunch of people.
You were glad it got cut.
“The chat says it was hot,” Ashton read with a laugh.
You groaned. “After that behind the scenes video was released fucking (You + Luke’s Ship Name) was all over the place.”
Luke laughed. “I got tagged in a shit ton of Tweets, too.”
You nodded in agreement. “Not that I haven’t been shipped with all of you at one point or another,”
“I bet there’s still some fanfiction out there,” Michael said.
You laughed. “You would know,”
“When’d you kiss Calum?” Ashton asked.
“Drunk at a party,” Calum answered for you, sheepishly.
You gave him a lopsided grin. “That’s super dumb, Cal, I’m sorry.”
He laughed. “It’s okay,”
“You’re apologizing for kissing him?” Luke asked, grinning.
You blushed, laughing. “I guess?”
“That doesn’t totally count, you were drunk!” Ashton said.
“What you want me to kiss him again?”
“Maybe!”
You were all sent into a fit of laughter.
“See? Why do you guys even need me here? You know the stories.” You said, wiping your eyes from laughing so much.
“Because we can’t say who the best kisser is! And neither can any of our girlfriends. You are our unbiased party.”
“How do you know I’m unbiased?” You teased, putting them into a talking-over-each-other frenzy. You laughed. “Seriously, guys, all of those kisses were so long ago. I can’t give a good answer.”
“We just all need to kiss you again,” Luke joked.
“No way!” You protested.
“Why not?” Ashton asked.
“Because you have girlfriends! And that’d be weird...”
“I gotta agree with her,” Michael said. “She’s our sister from another mister, it’d be weird.”
“Sister from another mister?”
“Shut up, Luke,”
“Okay, well, now that I’ve slacked off you with guys for a while I should get back to work,” You said.
“You work for us, what could you possibly have to be doing right now?”
“Unlike you boys, I actually do work.”
They laughed.
“This is our work! We’re catering to our audience.” Michael said.
“Whatever you say,” You replied with a smile. “See you, guys.”
“Bye Y/N!”
You left the meeting and opened your twitter.
‘I’m not kissing them so don’t ask’
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lilacsandwhiskey · 3 years ago
Note
Angst prompts 12 - Tom 💛
Choices
Pairing: Tom Holland x reader
Warnings: language, angst, not necessarily a happy ending but maybe a part 2 in the works, perhaps?
angst prompt from @your-fluffy-murder-writer
Tom hated the way he couldn’t lay down and feel comfort in what he was sure was the most comfortable bed in the entire city. The hotel room was seemingly too large anymore, knowing there was one less body occupying the room.
He swung his legs over the left side of the bed, his feet hitting the cool carpet. He glanced at the clock. It was only 11:02pm, but everyone else had already fallen asleep in the suite. He tiptoed into the small kitchenette, grabbing a beer out of the fridge, thankfully stocked by Harrison earlier that evening. He took himself out to the balcony, sitting back on the cold metal chair that decorated the outlook.
Tom sighs as he pressed the bottle to his lips, sweat from the bottle falling onto his chest. He’s quick to rub them away before setting the bottle on the tiny garden table in between the two chairs. His fingers fumble with the other side of the chair as he stares at it, as if the one face he wants to see will appear. But he knows it won’t.
His mind takes in the still bustling city below him. He knows if you were here, you’d be whispering softly stories you’d made up about each person that walks around on the street. “They definitely are on their first date.” You’d say at the awkward hand holding couple crosses the street. “She looks like she’d drive a Benz. I’d like to drive a Benz.” Tom found himself letting out a laugh through his nostrils, immediately feeling tears sting the back of his eyes. If only you were here to make those comments.
Tom wondered what you were doing right now. It took everything in him not to call you, for the first time sober. There was no doubt drunken calls had surfaced on the nights he’d gotten absolutely hammered. Harry would try to stop him, but Tom never listened. He’d shove his brother away from him, closing the door and locking himself in there. He wasn’t proud of it. It didn’t exactly help his pride that you never once called back.
“You’ll always choose it over me.” You cried. “Every. Single. Time. You’ll choose anything it all over me.” This wasn’t the first time this had been a fight. Tom groaned, pushing his hand through his brown hair. “It’s my fucking job.” “When will you realize that I know that? But you’ve changed. I haven’t even gotten a text from you in over two weeks. I’m not going to be in a relationship with a radio silent telephone. I deserve more.”
And that’s when you left. You had enough and you finallt chose your feelings over your own. You were supportive of Tom and his endeavors, everything about his job, you supported. It wasn’t until the partying and clubbing commenced more than usual, earning you not even a check in text. You felt selfish for getting upset but you also recognize that what the two of you had going on wasn’t healthy either. If he wanted it to work, he would make it work, you told yourself.
Tom was awoken by clanking in the kitchenette. The place would be home to him for the next two weeks, so there was no question that Harry had ran out to get groceries for the three of you. Tom rolled out of bed, not before grabbing his phone. Did he ever call you last night? He checked. Nope. Thank God.
Tom made the decision then to try to get over you. No response to any of his calls or messages was a response to him. With a shaky sigh, his feet carry him to the kitchen, only to hear the tail-end of a conversation. “I miss when y/n would make us those cheesy eggs in the morning.” Harry said, cracking an egg over the pan. “She’d always put the right amount of cheese.”
With a groan, Tom looks to his brother and best friend. “Don't ever say her name again.” Tom pleads, sitting down at the stool. Tom knew his whim of a decision to forget you would be more difficult than not. Harry and Harrison share a look that goes unnoticed by Tom. “Sorry mate.” Harrison responds, giving Harry one more look.
The rest of breakfast goes as normal as it usually could. Tom craved more than his breakfast though, and the craving was almost overbearing to the real food in front of him. He looked over at the stool next to him, where you would be if you were still with him. He imagined what this morning would look like - the type of morning you’d shared several times before. Your knees pressed into his thigh, feet perched on his own stool instead of yours to get closer. Your body would be turned towards his as you scraped your food off your plate, laughing among the people he loved so much.
One thing Tom struggled the most with, was when you decided to leave, you left the family too. Tom wasn’t sure if you still communicated with him, but there was no doubt some hurt when Tom had announced your break-up. You’d become so close to all of them, that you sitting here next to him in the morning eating breakfast would have been domestic. Your laughter would have lightened the thickened air between all of you. You’d crack a joke or two, pushing Harry’s buttons like you always did.
The first time Tom ever saw Harry genuinely get upset at him was when he told him. Harry took it the hardest - he had grown close to you. Of course, Tom had other girlfriends in the past that Harry had met, but he had never gotten so protective over someone like he had you. He was sure you were it for Tom. So when Tom announced it at a family dinner when his mom was poking about your whereabouts, Harry’s chair screeched loudly, a napkin was thrown on his plate, and out the back door he was to the garden.
“You really fucked up, didn’t you?” Harry hadn’t even turned around to notice Tom’s presence. He knew already. “Why do you assume it was me?” “It’s not an assumption, Tom.” Harry is quick to turn on his feet to meet his older brother. “You pushed and pushed her away. We warned you. She begged for you to give her a sliver of that reassurance you gave her in the beginning but you couldn’t get it through that thick skull of yours.” Harry’s words cut like a knife but Tom knew he was right. “I’m sorry.” Tom whispered. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Harry pushed by his brother, inside to help clean up before he was gone to their own home.
Harry apologized soon after but didn’t fail to mention that he was still pretty upset. To Tom’s knowledge, no one had spoken to you. But that wasn’t true. Harry was the first to reach out, someone you confided in. He was like your little brother after all, you’d spent a few years by their sides. Then everyone found it in them to call or message you. You had ran into Nikki at the grocery store. She spotted you down the aisle looking at pasta. You turned to see that familiar face, that familiar smile. “Y/n.” She said, before you opened her arms and allowed her embrace. She didn’t fail to express how much she missed you, which only made getting over Tom harder.
Leaving Tom was one of the hardest things you’d ever done. When you made the decision, it wasn’t quick. You lingered for months. You thought there would be a change that would snap you back into the relationship you held so dear to your heart.
The phone calls were fairly continuous for a while, a drunken Tom confessing he was wrong. You’d squeeze your eyes shut listening to the messages, telling yourself not to cry. Your finger hovered over his contact several times. But there was one thing you knew - you couldn’t say hello to him and risk another goodbye.
——————
Tom was onset for his newest movie - one about a girl and a boy finding theirselves back to each other after a rough breakup. It was a rom-com, something Tom had always been up for, but it felt different not having you by his side during filming. Though he’d had a rather great break, he spent the majority of it sulking and attempting to prepare.
Tom saw several familiar faces walking onto set, familiar with the director as someone he’d worked with times before. “Where’s the lady?” He asked, shaking Tom’s hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Harry’s face drop into a frown, attempting to insinuate that it wasn’t a good subject for now. “Uh, we ended things.” “Oh man, I’m sorry to here that.” The director gave a sympathetic smile before calling for the objective of the scenes today.
Tom felt jittery as it was determined that they would be working on the break-up scene. He stood in front of his co-star, preparing body language to show they were angry. His co-star looks to him, feeding her selves thoughts to bring tears to her eyes.
“You never cared, did you?” She spits. “You know I did.” Tom remembers how small he’s supposed to feel in this moment before the anguish begins. “You are better off without me. Just say it.” “I can’t.” “Why can’t you?” The woman is hiccuping through tears. “Because… I love you.” “You’re pathetic. You’re a liar. You’re lying to me.”
Tom recalls his actions are to become angrier with each degrading comment. But in that moment - he’s sparked. “You really think I don’t love you?” “How could I when you treat me like this?” Tom feels the tears rushing to his eyes, face turning red. “I would do anything for you.” “Then do it! Stop treating me like this!”
This felt all too familiar. A fight way too familiar. The actress is doubled over in tears, and Tom’s character is to feel urged to hold her and apologize. He does, tears streaming down his own face. If only he’d handle your arguments differently. If only his fuse didn’t get the best of him.
“God, I’m so sorry.” Tom mumbles, holding the actress close. He becomes aware of how it’s not you he’s holding. He becomes aware of how this could have been different if he would just listen. The scene continues with mumbles I love yous and a tired girl packing up her clothes.
Tom watches in the corner, real tears falling down his face as he remembers watching you sling things into bags. You had slammed pictures down on the way out. And he knew it was goodbye.
“And… cut! Absolutely beautiful acting, you two! Don’t think we could’ve had you do that better.” The director gushed. Tom was still fed with a lump in his throat. The director reports they can take five, bringing Harrison and Harry walk to the curly-haired boy. “You okay?” Harry asks, squeezing his shoulder.
Tom hesitates, eyes staring forward. “No.” He lets out. “I fucked up. I should’ve handed it all better. Why did I hurt her?” Tom knew people were probably wondering why he was unable to snap back to reality. But that was thing - that conversation had been a reality and it cut too deep.
“I’m in love with her. I am. I know she won’t give me the time of day anymore. But God, I’d do anything for a second chance.” This was the first time Tom had let himself really feel his heartbreak, and he knew it wasn’t the time. So like the great actor he is, he snapped out of his trance and prepared to listen for directions as they called for everyone back.
Tom made his way to the crew, Harrison following close behind. “Keep an eye on him. I’ve gotta call to make.”
Harry walks out into the warm summer sun. He’s quick to pull his phone out and go to the number he needs. With a couple of taps, the phone is ringing. The ring is broken by a simple hello. “Y/n? Hey! Got a minute to talk?”
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dilirebas · 3 years ago
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My Review of  长安十二时辰 / The Longest Day in Chang’an
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The Longest Day in Chang’an is about a convicted murderer who is taken off death row to help a young security bureau chief prevent an attack on Chang’an, the vibrant and diverse capital of the Tang Dynasty.
I have mixed feelings about this drama. The Longest Day in Chang’an is a well-made drama, without a doubt, but it also didn’t live up to its godly reputation.
I was more in love with the style than the substance. The cinematography, costumes, sets, and overall production quality are amazing. Cao Dun is one of the most interesting directors in c-ent.
The drama gives you a shockingly realistic portrayal of the city of Chang’an. It doesn’t feel like an idol historical, nor does it feel like a serious drama. (By “serious drama”, I mean 正剧.) It has more of a film style.
Tbh it didn’t need to be 48 episodes long. The pace is slow, and that makes sense because there are a lot of overlapping storylines that come together to make one single narrative. But even though all the storylines were connected, I didn’t feel that they were all necessary.
Some of the supporting characters were two-dimensional or acted inconsistently. It often felt like characters were doing things, not because it made sense for those characters to act that way, but because those actions would contribute to the plot. Some examples include Wen Ran, Long Bo, and Xu Bin’s decision-making.
Some of the supporting characters became irritating to watch because of how incompetent or selfish they were. Sure, a lot of people in real life (and history) suck. But as a viewer, I don’t have infinite patience. I ended up accelerating through much of the drama. (This might sound insane if you’re watching the first episode and you find it confusing and complex, but once the story gets going, it’s actually really simple and easy to follow.)
Honestly...a lot of the characters just feel like plot devices.
The storylines aren’t always super continuous. A scene will often reach a climax and end without resolution. It’ll cut to some other characters doing something else, and when you return to the characters you were previously watching, they’ll have moved to a new location. Sometimes you’re shown the resolution of the previous scene in flashback format. Sometimes you’re left to assume that everything worked out.
Speaking of flashbacks...there are a lot.
I love the fact that the drama is undubbed. I loved it in Cao Dun’s Tribes and Empires and I loved it in The Longest Day in Chang’an. When you use the actors’ original voices, you get a certain rawness and sincerity that you don’t get from the more standardized work of voice actors. Of course, a prerequisite is that the actors have strong line delivery. And this was definitely the case here. Lei Jiayin’s line delivery was so good that he basically sounded dubbed.
YYQX’s line delivery was a weaker link. I don’t want to criticize his overall acting because it wasn’t bad for a newcomer. I think there’s a real difference that comes with experience (like the ability to emote naturally and subtly), but aside from that it was a solid performance. But I do wish he had been dubbed, even if it was himself doing the dubbing. There were parts where he did dub over himself (this happens in undubbed dramas when certain scenes have an audio issue), and it was really obvious because his in-studio voice sounded better than his on-site voice. In contrast, I didn’t notice where other actors dubbed over themselves because the quality of the lines was consistent.
I don’t think I was really convinced by any of the romantic storylines in this drama. Fortunately, romance doesn’t play a huge role anyway.
Overall I think the biggest problem is the script. I’m inclined to think that the pacing problems, plot holes, and characterization issues are mostly problems in the writing. On the other hand, the production quality and directing style were strong enough that I finished the drama and enjoyed it in spite of those issues.
I do think this drama is still worth checking out, even if you just watch part of it. So many ancient dramas are set in Chang’an, but this drama does the best job of showing what the city was actually like. It’s estimated that 1 million people lived within the city walls. Chang’an was massive, busy, divided, and extremely diverse.
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dorotharry · 4 years ago
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tiny dancer ; chapter three
Pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader
CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 4 (coming soon)
Word count: 2.3k
Warnings: pain, angst, nightmares, metal limbs?
Summary: After being drafted for the war in 1942, Bucky goes to the ballet a week before having to leave with his best friend Steve. There he becomes infatuated you with the prima ballerina of the show, and he just has to meet you before his last week in Brooklyn is up. He hopes one day you would meet again; little does it know it will be 72 years later.
A/N: Well, hello again, honestly after yesterday I really wanted to write again soon so I could start giving more away. Eep so exciting, thank you again for all your support too!! Please feel free to like, repost and comment any feedback, it’s much appreciated :)) Also lets just ignore that infinity war is a thing for the moment lolz. 
MY MASTERLIST
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*gif not mine
“Nice to finally meet you y/n, I’ve been looking for you under Fury’s instruction for a while, my name’s Natasha.”
Natasha. It rang in your ears, there was some familiarity to that name. You kept your face blank, but for some reason it felt like you’d known her in a past life, or perhaps a life you didn’t remember. Though her face gave no indication that she knew either. But a younger version of her face flashed in your mind, only she wasn’t blonde she had bright red hair. You shook yourself from your thoughts, Natasha was a common name, surely you couldn’t know her. Surely.
“Come in,” you responded moving to the side as the women eyed you as she entered. She had to be around a similar age to you. At least in looks, you were at least a century year old in reality. “Did you want something to drink?” You said as you shut the door and gestured to the couch nearby.
The blonde shook her head, taking a seat her gaze still wary. “You’re probably curious to know why I’m here and who I am?”
You nodded as you took a seat on the second couch, it wasn’t often you had visitors.
“Well, I’m sure you’ve heard of the Avengers,” She started.
That’s where you knew her from! She’d swapped her red hair for blonde and suddenly you felt less confused.  
“I’m a part of it, and our director Fury has been sending me on mission after mission looking for you. It’s only now we got a tip that you were living in Madripoor.”
You almost wanted to interrupt and ask who had tipped them off, but you thought better of it. You rose an eyebrow at her comment, giving her an expression that told her to continue.
“Anyway, I’m here because we wanted to bring you back to the compound. You’ve been hidden away from us for a long time. In fact, the only reason we know you exist is because of the HYDRA files I shared in 2014. We hoped you could give us some intel; we think something big is going to happen again, but we aren’t sure if it’s HYDRA or something else.” She looked at you again, a serious expression on her face.
Yours matched hers. “You should know I don’t do that anymore, I don’t work as an assassin,” you began suddenly feeling more vulnerable as the terrible things you had done came back up in your memories.
Natasha cut you off sensing your distress. “We aren’t asking you to, we just need your knowledge. Whilst I know Fury wants you to join us in the long run and start fighting again, we also respect your decision not to if that’s what you want.”
You looked at her sceptically, had she not heard what you had just said? Plus, now your cover in Madripoor was blown, if the Avengers knew where you were then surely it wouldn’t be long until every other government in the world would too. You were sure there were many people who wanted you dead.
As if she had heard your thoughts Natasha spoke up again, “don’t worry, if you turn down helping us, no one but Fury and I know you’re here. Not even Steve.”
You silently gasped, you had forgotten about Steve in these brief moments, he was captain America back then, in fact he was still Captain America. Even if you would be throwing yourself back into the line of fire, maybe it would be worth it to see your old friend again. Would he want to see you though? After everything awful thing, you had done. Your eyes began to well again, but you didn’t want Natasha to see you vulnerable.
“Fine.” You spoke sternly looking at the woman in front of you, “I will help, but only if you promise that you avengers will protect me. There’s a lot of people who want me in chains.”
You could see the hint of a smile on her face as she listened, “Don’t worry y/n, we have ways around that,” she smirked. “I don’t exactly have the cleanest record either.”
You nodded, standing up. You knew now if you were leaving that you could never return to Madripoor. If you chose not to fight with the Avengers after helping them, then at least you were sure they could protect you and finally you could maybe be back home. “Where to then?”
Natasha told you to get anything valuable, some clothes and anything else you felt you needed. Luckily for her, you always kept a duffle bag with everything you needed if you had to leave under you bed, along with the shot gun that had been in your hand this entire time till.
You walked to your room, grabbed the duffle bad and your other favourite weapons in another bag and returned in under a minute. Natasha let out a chuckle, she should have known an assassin was always prepared to flee. Something they all knew, never get too comfortable.
Natasha led you out of your apartment, you close the door behind you both and follow her. It felt strange to be taking from directions from anyone else. Besides HYDRA you had always been the person in charge, choosing what you did without direction. But unless you miraculously knew how you’d be getting back to the Avengers compound this seemed like a time you would have to not be stubborn.
She led you to a jet, gesturing you to get on before she did herself. She walked to the front closing the door and sitting in the pilot’s seat. “Feel free to have a sleep.” She said casual pointing to the bed next to you.
“Thanks,” you mumbled going and lying down. After having no sleep, you wouldn’t complain, and it would save you having to make small talk with Natasha. Plus, usually you didn’t have nightmares in you ever occasionally napped.
Natasha answered a call and began telling someone (who you assumed was Fury) that you were coming back with her, just as your eyes were filled with the darkness of sleep.
1943
You woke up once again your entire body in pain. Although this time it was different, and though you remembered where you were much of your memories were feeling fuzzy. Like someone had attempted to begin removing them.
That couldn’t be possible though, could it?
There was an ache on your face, remembering your last memory before you had been engulfed in darkness again. You were sure there would be marks from whatever machine had done that to you, wincing at the thought of the pain again.
But besides there being the same pains you had felt before, there was something different. You were still restricted by your arms and legs in the same position but now you had a heart monitor attached, the faint beeping being the only noise you could hear in the silent and dark room. This wasn’t a room though, it was a lab you knew that now, and you were a lab rat to the red skull and his scientists. Why would they care if my heart is still beating? You pondered.
Once again you pushed against your restraints in an attempt to get out, the leather digging into your skin causing you to wince due to how in pain your body already was.  But again as you’d thought earlier, there was something different, yes your arms were wincing at the pain from the leather but your legs felt nothing. You moved your toes and felt no sensations. It was as if they were numb. What had HYDRA done?
As if on cue the laboratory door opened, the same scientist from before entering and two soldiers following behind him. The door slammed closed as the soldiers stayed there on each side of the door. Just in case you got out of your restraints again.
The scientist shuffled forward. “How are you feeling y/n? I realised I forgot the other day to introduce myself, I’m Arnim Zola but you can call me Doctor Zola.”
You sneered as his friendly attitude, causing him to frown. “I can’t feel my legs.” You responded in a harsh tone, “Why?”
“Well y/n, I told you that you would become a soldier for the red skull did I not? Now I understand you’re a ballerina but there’s something wrong with this. You see you always want to be perfect, and what makes you not is among many things your feet.” He looked down proudly at your legs.
The words rang in your ear. Your harsh glare to seem mean had softened as your eyes began to water. “Wh-- what have you done?” You began blubbering, your chest fell up and down panic striking your lungs.
“I’ve made you perfect.” He responded without remorse. Instantly he signalled for the men that had been stood by the door this entire time to come over. They did so, grabbing parts of your body so you were even more restricted that you already were as Doctor Zola walked to the foot of the table you were on. Slowly he undid one of the leather straps restricting your leg. You couldn’t even feel him doing it, your senses not working.
He lifted your right leg so that you could gaze down and what you saw only made your panic attack rise. You shrieked at the sight before you. Your eyes welling more and more with tears. You could hear the heart monitor beginning to pick up in noise, as you heart raced.
From halfway down your calf was what looked like a metal leg and foot. It looked exactly like what legs should be, but it wasn’t. It was silver and cold. Down the side of your calf nearing your ankle was a red star.
Tears rolled down your face as he placed your leg back down strapping it back up, then signalling the men holding you down to move away again.
You would have preferred to die then lose your feet. Your mind wandered as your chest rose and fell so quickly that the world around you began to spin. Would you ever be able to dance again?
Doctor Zola was now next to you again, his face held no remorse, in fact all you could see was pride. Even though the world was spinning, and you couldn’t focus on him you knew he didn’t care. “Don’t worry y/n, after today you won’t care about this. You won’t even remember who you are, only who we tell you are. From now on you aren’t y/n anymore. I’ll see you again when you’re ready to comply.”
The same machine from earlier then began to make noises lowering down to your head. Doctor Zola began rambling Russian words you couldn’t understand, the immense pain began again, and you screeched out in pain.
Present day; 2017
Gasping for air you shot up on the bed on the jet. Natasha looked back at you and instantly you dropped your fearful expression into one that was unreadable. No one would know your nightmares, no one could know you had weaknesses.
Luckily her gaze didn’t last long as she spoke up, “We’re here.” She was just glad she wouldn’t have to wake you up. She stood up, you following her lead out of the jet and towards a large white building with a big ‘A’ on the side.
“Jeez subtle.” You scoffed muttering under your breath.
She rolled her eyes at your comment but proceeded to walk into the building. “I’m sure you’ve heard about most of us. So, I feel there’s no need to explain to you, our names.”
She was right there, of course you knew their names, the whole world did. You hummed in response. She led you both to two big double doors pushing them open as you trailed behind. You may have been as assassin but that didn’t mean you were particularly keen on meeting new people, especially all at once. It took a while for people to come to your liking.
She stopped and you stood almost completely behind her looking down at your hands. You never looked at your feet anymore. The noise of all the voices talking amongst each other suddenly stopped and you could feel all of their eyes on you both.
“Everyone this is y/n, she’s going to help us with our current task we’ve been working on.” She spoke sternly but giving them all a small smile.
You raised your head reminding yourself to not be vulnerable and narrowed your eyes as you scanned them all. Of course, most of already knew who you were having read your files when she released them; each giving you sympathetic looks mixed with fear. But not Steve he never had the heart to look at yours and Bucky’s files. If he ever saw you both again, he knew in time you’d tell him.
Finally, you were met with a familiar set on blue eyes, not the ones you had fallen in love with but still ones who once meant so much to you. Now you weren’t so sure.
Steve looked like he was going to die of shock, as he stared at you with such intensity.
He took a step towards you, “y/n?”, his eyes searching for you to show some sort of emotion. But you didn’t, you couldn’t. You took another step back, away from him, the hurt instantly flashing across his face, but as soon as it was there it was gone.
“Hi Steve.”
A/N: ooo we love the tension. how does reader know Natasha?? is it just cause she's an avenger or is it something else? I’ll guess you'll have to see *evil face*
P.S. we’ll see Bucky again soon I promiseeeee
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devilsskettle · 3 years ago
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oh man i have a Lot of thoughts about the autopsy of jane doe, both positive and critical For Sure, i'd be SO excited to see your analysis of it! definitely keeping an eye out for that 👀
thanks! i'm working on something article-like to talk about the film and i don't know what i want to do with it yet lol but if i don't post it on here i'll definitely link it. it's mainly a discussion of gender in possession/occult films in the same way that carol clover describes in men, women, and chainsaws - that there are dual plot lines in occult films, usually gendered masculine and feminine respectively, where the "main" feminine plot (the actual possession) is actually a way to explore the "real" masculine plot (the emotional conflict of the "man in crisis" protagonist). typically the man in crisis is too masculine, or "closed" emotionally, where the woman is too "open," which is why she acts as the vehicle for the supernatural occurrence as well as the core emotions of the film. the man has to learn how to become more open (though if he becomes too open, like father karras in the exorcist, he has to die by the end - he has to find a happy medium, where he doesn't actually transgress gender expectations too much. clover calls this state the "new masculine," and we might apply the term "toxic masculinity" to the "closed" emotional state). part of the "opening up" feature of the story is that it allows men to be highly emotionally expressive in situations where they otherwise might not be allowed to, which is cathartic for the assumed primary audience of these films (young men). another feature of the genre is white science vs black magic (once you exhaust the scientific "rational" explanations, you have to accept that something magic is happening). the autopsy of jane doe does this even more than the films she discusses when she published the book in 1992 (the exorcist, poltergeist, christine, etc) because the supernaturally influenced young woman who becomes this kind of vehicle is more of an object than a character. she doesn't have a single line of dialogue or even blink for the entire runtime of the movie. the camerawork often pans to her as if to show her reactions to the events of the movie, which seems kind of pointless because it's the same reaction the whole time (none) but it allows the viewer to project anything they want onto her - from personal suffering to cunning and spite. 
compare again to the exorcist: is the story actually about regan mcneil? no. but do we care about her? sure (clover says no, but i think we at least feel for her situation lol). and do we get an idea of what she's like as a person? yes. even though her pain and her body are used narratively as a framework for karras' emotional/religious crisis, we at least see her as a person. both she and her mother are expendable to the "real" plot but they're very active in their roles in the "main" plot - our "jane doe" isn't afforded even that level of agency or identity. so. is that inherently sexist? well, no - if there were other women in the film who were part of the "real" plot, i would say that the presence of women with agency and identity demonstrate enough regard for the personhood of women to make the gender of the subject of the autopsy irrelevant. but there are none. of the three important women in the film, we have 1) an almost corpse, 2) an absent (dead) mother, and 3) a one dimensional girlfriend who is killed off for a man's character development/cathartic expression of emotions. all three are just platforms for the men in crisis of this narrative. 
and, to my surprise, much of the reception to the film is to embrace it as a feminist story because the witch is misconstrued as a badass, powerful, Strong Female Character girl boss type for getting revenge on the men who wronged her, with absolutely no consideration given to what the movie actually ends up saying about women. and the director has said that he embraces this interpretation, but never intended it. so like. of course you're going to embrace the interpretation that gives you critical acclaim and the moral high ground. but it's so fucking clear that it was never his intention to say anything about feminism, or women in general, or gender at all. so i find it very frustrating that people read the film that way because it's just. objectively wrong.
there's also things i want to say about this idea that clover talks about in a different chapter of the book when she discusses the country/city divide in a lot of horror (especially rape-revenge films) in which the writer intends the audience to identify with the city characters and be against the country characters (think of, like, house of 1000 corpses - there's pretty explicit socioeconomic regional tension between the evil country residents and the travelers from the city) but first, they have to address the real harm that the City (as a whole) has inflicted upon the Country (usually in the forms of environmental and economic destruction) so in order to justify the antagonization the country people are characterized by, their "retaliation" for these wrongs has to be so extreme and misdirected that we identify with the city people by default (if country men feel victimized by the City and react by attacking a city woman who isn't complicit in the crimes of the City in any of the violent, heinous ways horror movies employ, of course we won't sympathize with them). why am i bringing this up? well, clover says this idea is actually borrowed from the western genre, where native americans are the Villains even as white settlers commit genocide - so they characterize them as extremely savage and violent in order to justify violence against them (in fiction and in real life). the idea is to address the suffering of the Other and delegitimize it through extreme negative characterization (often, with both the people from the country and native americans, through negative stereotyping as well as their actions). so i think that shows how this idea is transferred between different genres and whatever group of people the writers want the viewers to be against, and in this movie it’s happening on the axis of gender instead of race, region, or class. obviously the victims of the salem witch trials suffered extreme injustice and physical violence (especially in the film as victim of the ritual the body clearly underwent) BUT by retaliating for the wrongs done to her, apparently (according to the main characters) at random, she's characterized as monstrous and dangerous and spiteful. her revenge is unjustified because it’s not targeted at the people who actually committed violence against her. they say that the ritual created the very thing it was trying to destroy - i.e. an evil witch. she becomes the thing we're supposed to be afraid of, not someone we’re supposed to sympathize with. she’s othered by this framework, not supported by it, so even if she’s afforded some power through her posthumous magical abilities, we the viewer are not supposed to root for her. if the viewer does sympathize with her, it’s in spite of the writing, not because of it. the main characters who we are intended to identify with feel only shallow sympathy for her, if any - even when they realize they’ve been cutting open a living person, they express shock and revulsion, but not regret. in fact, they go back and scalp her and take out her brain. after realizing that she’s alive! we’re intended to see this as an acceptable retaliation against the witch, not an act of extreme cruelty or at the very least a stupid idea lol. 
(also - i hate how much of a buzzword salem is in movies like this lol, nothing about her injuries or the story they “read” on her is even remotely similar to what happened in salem, except for the time period. i know they don’t explicitly say oh yeah, she was definitely from salem, but her injuries really aren’t characteristic of american executions of witches at all so i wish they hadn’t muddied the water by trying to point to an actual historical event. especially since i think the connotation of “witch” and the victims of witch trials has taken on a modern projection of feminism that doesn’t really make sense under any scrutiny. anyway)
not to mention the ending: what was the writer intending the audience to get from the ending? that the cycle of violence continues, and the witch’s revenge will move on and repeat the same violence in the next place, wherever she ends up. we’re supposed to feel bad for whoever her next victims will be. but what about her? i think the movie figures her maybe as triumphant, but she’s going to keep being passed around from morgue to morgue, and she’s going to be vivisected again and again, with no way to communicate her pain or her story. the framework of the story doesn’t allow for this ending to be tragic for her, though - clearly the tragedy lies with the father and son, finally having opened up to one another, unfortunately too late, and dying early, unjust deaths at the hands of this unknowable malignant entity. it doesn’t do justice to her (or the girlfriend, who seems to be nothing but collateral damage in all of this - in the ending sequence, when the police finds the carnage, it only shows them finding the bodies of the men. the girlfriend is as irrelevant to the conclusion as she is to the rest of the plot). 
but does this mean the autopsy of jane doe is a “bad” movie? i guess it depends on your perspective. ultimately, it’s one of those questions that i find myself asking when faced with certain kinds of stories that inevitably crop up often in our media: how much can we excuse a story for upholding regressive social norms (even unintentionally) before we have to discount the whole work? i don’t think the autopsy of jane doe warrants complete rejection for being “problematic” but i think the critical acclaim based on the idea that it’s a feminist film should be rejected. i still consider it a very interesting concept with strong acting and a lot of visual appeal, and it’s a very good piece of atmospheric horror. it’s does get a bit boring at certain points, but the core of the film is solid. it’s also not trying to be sexist, arguably it’s not overtly sexist at all, it’s just very very androcentric at the expense of its female characters, and i’m genuinely shocked that anyone would call it feminist. so sure, let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water, but let’s also be critical about how it’s using women as the stage for men’s emotional conflict 
also re: my description of this little project as “a film isn’t feminist just because there’s a woman’s name in the title” - i actually don’t want to skim over the fact that “jane doe” isn’t a real name. of the three women in the film, only one has a real name; the other two are referred to by names given to them by men. i’ll conclude on this note because i want to emphasize the lack of even very basic ways of recognizing individual identity afforded to women in this film. so yeah! the end! thanks for your consideration if you read this far! 
#the autopsy of jane doe#men women and chainsaws#horror#also to be clear i'm not saying that the exorcist is somehow more feminist because. it's not. i'm just using it as a frame of reference#you'd think a film from 2016 would escape the ways gender is constructed in one from 1973 but that's not really the case#i actually rewatched the end of the movie to make sure that what i said about the girlfriend's body not being found at the end was accurate#and yeah! it is! the intended audience-identified character shifts to the sheriff who - that's right! - is also a man#the camerawork is: shot of the dead son / shot of the sheriff looking sad / shot of the dead father / shot of the sheriff looking sad /#shot of jane doe / shot of the sheriff looking upset angry and suspicious#which is how we're supposed to feel about the conclusion for each character#the girlfriend is notably absent in this sequence#anyway! this is less about me condemning this movie as sexist and more about looking at how women in occult horror#continue to be relegated to secondary plot lines at best or to set dressing for the primary plot line at worst#and what that says about identification of viewers with certain characters and why writers have written the story that way#i think the reception of the film as Feminist might actually point to a shift in identification - but to still be able to enjoy the movie#while identifying with a female character you need to change the narrative that's actually presented to you#hence the rampant impulse to misinterpret the intention of the filmmakers#we do want it to be feminist! the audience doesn't identify with the 'default' anymore automatically#i think that's actually a pretty positive development at least in viewership - if only filmmakers would catch up lol#oh and i only very briefly touched on this here but the white science vs black magic theme is pretty clearly reflected in this film also
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route22ny · 3 years ago
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With Covid-19 cases and hospitalizations spiking around the country, dreams of a summer like those many us had in mind just a short time ago have faded.
The fully vaccinated have been told to resume wearing masks indoors. Companies and institutions are leveling vaccine mandates. And some municipalities are requiring people to show proof of vaccination to get into restaurants, bars, and gyms.
Confusion abounds about what is safe to do. (For the unvaccinated, there’s no confusion about what’s most important to do: Get immunized.)
To try to cut through the fog, STAT contacted three dozen epidemiologists, immunologists, and other infectious disease experts around the country to see how they are navigating the risk of Covid in these uncertain times. Twenty-eight responded.
STAT didn’t ask these experts to explain how they would advise others. Rather, we asked them to answer 10 questions — saying yes, no or only if masked — about their own willingness to engage in various activities, assuming they were vaccinated.
Their answers suggest that, with the highly transmissible Delta variant spreading, caution prevails. Those who know viruses best aren’t buying many movie tickets, and most aren’t eating indoors in restaurants.
But in other ways, responses diverged. And at least one expert suggested that geography really does matter when it comes to his own comfort level. Naor Bar-Zeev, a statistical epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, declined to respond to all but one of the questions, saying answers are highly dependent on the circumstances of a place.
“In a place where most people are unvaccinated, or otherwise at high risk, and where there is active transmission, I should act more conservatively and with greater caution, even though I am protected from disease,” he said. “In a place where most people are vaccinated, and there is low transmission, one can be more permissive.”
Let’s unpack their answers.
Of the questions, only one earned a unanimous response: “Would you send your unvaccinated child to school without a mask?”
“Lord, no,” Paul Offit, a pediatric infectious disease specialist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, replied. “NO!!! As a parent and a pediatrician, that is a terrible idea,” wrote Andrew Pavia, chief of pediatric infectious diseases at the University of Utah.
None of 27 people who answered this question expressed a willingness to send an unvaccinated child to school without a mask. Carlos del Rio, a professor of epidemiology and global health at the Rollins School of Public Health at Emory University, said he’d withdraw an unvaccinated child from a school if it didn’t have a mask mandate.
Children under the age of 12 cannot yet be vaccinated as none of the vaccines has been authorized for use in this age group.
The other school-related question — “Would you send your vaccinated teen to school without a mask?” — drew almost as fervent a response, with 24 of 26 saying no.
Ellen Foxman, an immunologist at Yale University, was one of the exceptions. “Yes, if the high school had a high vaccination rate/low Covid transmission rate and my family had no high-risk personal contacts,” she wrote. “If the school required all students and staff to be vaccinated, I would have no problem whatsoever with no masks.”
Pavia gave a nuanced answer for his support for masks for vaccinated teens. “If the vaccinated kids don’t mask, the unvaccinated are unlikely to mask and there is a risk of bullying. Masks for all is much more likely to work,” he wrote.
Michael Osterholm, director of the University of Minnesota’s Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy, said he not only wouldn’t allow a vaccinated teen to go to school without a mask, he’d demand the teen wear an N-95 respirator. Cloth face coverings aren’t enough to combat Delta, he insisted.
Shane Crotty, an immunologist at La Jolla Institute of Immunology, said he’d send teenagers to school with masks, but would be okay with them taking them off around friends outside of school or during an outdoor lunch break.
When the experts were asked whether they would eat indoors at a restaurant, responses were slightly more mixed. More than half of respondents said no, but six said they would, or would in off-peak hours, and three more said they would do it but would wear a mask when they weren’t eating.
Saad Omer, director of Yale’s Institute for Global Health, said he would eat indoors in a restaurant that required customers to show proof of vaccination. “I generally feel safe indoors in a restaurant as long as underlying community transmission is low and I’m eating with other vaccinated people,” wrote John Brownstein, an epidemiologist and chief innovation officer at Boston Children’s Hospital. “However, I always prioritize eating outside where possible.”
That approach no longer seems viable to Syra Madad, senior director for the special pathogens program in the NYC Health + Hospitals network. “More than 95% of Americans live in areas of high or substantial community transmission so it’s no longer a matter of ‘Yes, I’ll eat indoors if I’m in an area of low community transmission,’” she wrote.
It seems like we’re over DIY hair — or so the answers to the question of whether the experts would go to a hairdresser or a barber shop would suggest.
All but four respondents said they would go to a hair salon or barber at this point even if they didn’t know the vaccination status of other clients. And even one of the four more cautious respondents allowed that she might consider it. “No, but if we are all far apart and there are few people I might with a mask,” said Krutika Kuppalli, an infectious disease physician at the Medical University of South Carolina.
Most people who said yes did so with the caveat that they’d wear a mask. Jesse Goodman, a professor of medicine at Georgetown University, said he would go only if he and everyone else in the place was masked. Akiko Iwasaki, a Yale University immunologist, said she would try to reduce the frequency of visits. But Jeanne Marrazzo, director of the division of infectious diseases at the University of Alabama in Birmingham, was in favor of professional hair care in general.
“I know how careful my hairdresser has been,” Marrazzo wrote. “She also needs financial support; my hair also needs it.”
Would the experts go to the theater to see a film? Seventeen said no.
“Non-essential,” said Shweta Bansal, whose Georgetown University laboratory studies how social behavior affects infectious disease transmission.
Florian Krammer, an immunologist at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in Manhattan, believes most people who are fully vaccinated are well protected at this point. He would go to see a movie wearing a mask.
Amesh Adalja, an infectious disease physician and a senior scholar at Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, has a different view on Covid risks than some of the other people STAT polled. He (and others) believe Covid is going to become endemic — we’re going to have to learn to live with it. For fully vaccinated people, Adalja said, the risks even from contracting Covid are pretty low.
“That fact makes me comfortable as a fully vaccinated individual without underlying health problems to resume my pre-pandemic life because I am risk-tolerant and I know that if I am to get a breakthrough infection it is likely to be mild,” he said. Adalja said yes to all but two of STAT’s questions; he would not send an unvaccinated child to school without a mask and would not currently give a second dose of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
William Hanage, an epidemiologist in Harvard’s T.H. Chan School of Public Health, said he’d happily skip going to the movies, but his wife enjoys going. So he would go, wearing a mask.
There was almost an even split among the experts to the question of whether they would attend a large outdoor concert or sporting event, with a slight edge going to the “yes” side. Most of the 15 people said they’d do it if masked.
Robert Wachter, the chair of the University of California, San Francisco’s department of medicine, said he’d don a mask “if shouting people [were] at very close range.” Jason Salemi, an epidemiologist at the University of South Florida, said he “would not attend a large outdoor concert right now,” stressing the amount of Covid transmission in his state at the moment.
Move a mass gathering indoors and the answers shift. In response to the question of whether they would go to an indoor wedding or other religious service — one where they did not know the vaccination status of the other attendees — more of the experts said no.
Saskia Popescu, an infectious disease specialist and assistant professor in George Mason University’s biodefense program, for instance, would go to an outdoor concert or sporting event, masked. Even with a mask, she would not attend an indoor wedding or religious ceremony.
Emergency physician Uché Blackstock, founder and CEO of the consulting firm Advancing Health Equity, said she’d forgo indoor and outdoor large gatherings at this point.
We asked two questions about travel: “Would you travel to a part of the United States experiencing a surge in Covid cases?” and “Would you go on a non-essential international trip?” Surprisingly, there was slightly more willingness in the group to travel internationally than to domestic Covid hot spots.
In response to the former, Peter Hotez was succinct. “I’m living it,” said the Hotez, co-director of the Texas Children’s Center for Vaccine Development, based in Houston-swamped Covid-19.
Del Rio, who lives in Atlanta, goes frequently to Miami to visit his son and his son’s family. “I am very careful when I travel,” he said. Since the pandemic began he has twice visited his mother in Mexico, “but at this point I am not going. May go later in the year,” he wrote.
Carl Bergstrom, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Washington, said he wouldn’t travel abroad now. Not because of Covid directly, but because he might get stuck somewhere if travel restrictions were instituted. Hanage and his family vacationed on Cape Cod this year instead of taking a planned trip to Iceland, for the same reason.
Nahid Bhadelia, director of Boston University’s Center for Emerging Infectious Diseases Policy & Research, said she would not travel to an American Covid hot zone if she could avoid it, but would travel internationally, if her destination had a high vaccination rate and a low transmission rate.
Angela Rasmussen, a coronavirus virologist at the University of Saskatchewan’s Vaccine and Infectious Disease Organization, said she would travel to a location in the U.S. having an upswing in Covid transmission, but would do it using precautions. As for international travel, “depends where, but masked,” she said.
Our final question was for the physicians in the group was this: “Would you recommend that patients who received the one-dose J&J vaccine get another dose of vaccine?”
Crotty, the immunologist at La Jolla Institute of Immunology, said yes; he tweeted recently about his support for giving J&J recipients an extra dose of vaccine to cope with the Delta variant. “I have had physicians emailing me thanks about my [Twitter] threads on this,” he said.
Megan Ranney, an emergency physician at Lifespan Health System in Providence, R.I., said she’s waiting for guidance from the Food and Drug Administration. “But in the meantime, I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone who does get another dose.”
And Helen Keipp Talbot, a vaccine researcher at Vanderbilt University, pleaded the Fifth. Talbot is a member of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices, which advises the CDC on vaccination policy. “No comment,” was her reply.
***
About the Author: Helen Branswell
Senior Writer, Infectious Disease
Helen covers issues broadly related to infectious diseases, including outbreaks, preparedness, research, and vaccine development.
@HelenBranswell
***
source: https://www.statnews.com/2021/08/17/whats-safe-to-do-during-summers-covid-surge-stat-asked-public-health-experts-about-their-own-plans/
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spidernerdsblog · 4 years ago
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Wildest Dreams
Pairing: actor! Tom Holland x actress! Reader
Summary : Based on Taylor Swift’s song Wildest dreams. You thought Tom was the love of your life but it was just one of your wildest dreams.
Warnings : 18+,SMUT, mature content, infidelity, angst, tom being a douchebag.
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"Today we have with us the Oscar winning renowned actress the one and only Y/N Y/L/N!" The RJ hyped you up. 
"Hello everyone" you spoke on the mic in front of you smiling. 
"Well first of all congratulations Y/N on your big oscar win." 
"Thank you so much. I’m still recovering from it not gonna lie." You chuckle. The RJ asked you a bunch of other questions which you replied cheerfully. 
"So you have been casted to play Morgan Stark in the next part of Marvel Avengers movie." 
"Yes and I am looking forward to it. Being in a Marvel film was always on my wishlist and I can finally tick it off." 
"Do you feel yourself under pressure as you will be continuing a legacy?" 
"It’s definitely a pressure playing Tony Stark’s daughter and living upto the standards of none other than RDJ. Luckily he is personally mentoring me and I think I’ll fare well. I have read the script which I can't reveal much but playing the grown up version of Morgan who is a part of the Avengers will be a lot of fun." 
"Well saying so you are also going to be sharing screen with Tom Holland after a long time. What do you have to say about the rumours  of you being speculated as the possible reason behind his relationship with his fiancee hitting the rocks?" you took a moment before answering the question. 
"Well a lot of things fly in the air we don't catch on everything right? And I have always made it clear that we never dated, we are just friends that's all."
"So you are still single?" 
"And not interested to mingle." You chuckle. 
"Well it was nice to have you with us today, Y/N."
"It was my pleasure. Love you guys bye."
The show ended and you headed out of the office building for the pre production meeting arranged by Marvel with the whole cast. You were sitting in your posh car, the last question of the RJ about your relationship with Tom still spiraling in your mind. You reminisced about one of your past mistakes. Though you wouldn't call it a mistake because you fell for a wrong person but when he left he gave you a life lesson which you will remember in your lifetime that 'nothing lasts forever'. 
It started with a small Instagram follow but who knew it would take you down like that. 
It all happened 2 years ago in a promotional show just like this. Your acting career had just begun and you had managed to create quite a buzz in and around the industry delivering two blockbusters mesmerizing the critics and audiences with your spectacular performance in your three year acting career. You were in a radio show for the promotion of your upcoming movie. The RJs were interviewing you.
"Well Tom Holland was here the other day and we asked who he likes among the upcoming new talents in the industry. He said and we quote that you are cute, sexy and very talented." the lady said. 
"Well what do I say thank you Tom." you giggle shyly. 
"Have you guys ever met?" the other male RJ asked. 
"Not really, though we had a chance to interact during the comic con. But I really admire his work and would love to work with him in future."
"But I have to inform you that he is a little disappointed that he follows you but you never followed him back." the lady jokes. 
"Well I can fix that I guess.'' You took out your phone from your jeans pocket and opened your insta app.
"And here we go, officially following Tom Holland." You said tapping the follow button.
"I hope now you are not upset anymore, Tom." you chuckle.
In less than a month you were signed up for a Netflix movie. It was a rom com and you were casted opposite none other than Tom Holland. The shooting began within two months.
You were on the set sitting in your trailer facetiming your mom. 
"Honey are you eating well?" Your mom asked.
"Yes mom I am." You assured her when you heard a knock as the door of your trailer opened and the person’s head popped in, it was Tom. You waved your hand to usher him in. 
"Five minutes please." You mouthed to him
"It’s okay," he mouthed back sitting on a chair. 
"Who is it?" Your mom asked.
"It's my costar you know him, the guy from spiderman." You inform her.
"Oh the one you have a crush on?" 
"Mom!" You shrieked utterly embarrassed with your mom revealing your secret.
"What? You only said that he is cute." 
"Ok-ok I get it you made your point but I have to go now, I'll talk to you later."
"OK sweetie take care." 
"Yeah bye mom." You ended the call heaving a sigh of relief and turned towards him. 
"Ignore my mom. I just told her that you were cute in the homecoming movie and she just assumed I have a crush on you." 
"Oh that's fine." He gave you a warm smile.
"So what's up?" You chirped.
"Umm just here to talk about the scenes we are going to shoot tomorrow together."
"Oh you mean the sex scenes?"
"Umm yeah." He said uneasiness clearly in his voice.
"Tom Holland nervous about some sex scenes?" You joked.
"No-no it's, it's not like that. I just want to make sure that you are comfortable tomorrow so I just wanted to discuss it beforehand."
"Oh that's really nice of you. Well honestly I'm always nervous before such scenes. Though it's partial nudity but still the scenes are quite passionate and vividly described." 
"Don't worry I'll try my best to make it easy and comfortable for you."
"Thank you Tom."
"Pleasure is all mine." he smiled. 
The next day on the set the director gave you the last minute reading of the scene that you are going to shoot. You and Tom walked in the frame. As per the script you guys play characters who are friends with benefits but both of you grow feelings for each other. When one confronts the other it leads to an angsty moment but soon turns into passionate love making. 
The camera started rolling and as soon as the director said "action!". You both got into your characters and played your parts flawlessly as per the script. 
"Why don’t you find someone who doesn’t hurt you?" You ask
"But I love you, Emma." Tom replies with a soft tone.
"Liam you don’t understand I was never good at this." You say with frustration in your voice.
"What.. talking?" He sarcasms.
"Yeah talking, communicating, relationships.." You were cut off as he captured your lips for a kiss.
"Well neither was I but we can figure it out slowly." his gaze was intense as your eyes were glassy. 
The next thing you did was, crashed your lips to his. It had to be a very messy sloppy one so both of you rolled your tongues into each other’s mouth. You popped open the buttons of his shirt out of desperation and then pushed him onto the bed. Tom plopped on the soft mattress as you got up to straddle him around his waist pulling your sweatshirt off your body revealing your red lacy bra underneath. Tom let out a light gasp it wasn’t to happen but the whole act turned him on as he felt blood rushing down south. You carried on the act like a true professional and leaned on to his face capturing his thin lips. He deepened the kiss holding your face and you kept on grinding on his crotch. The kiss grew heavy then you were suddenly aware of the growing bulge underneath you but you continued anyhow 'he is a human getting aroused is normal' you kept on repeating that in your mind. His hand trailed up your back and unclasped your bra. 
And with the scene coming to an end the director shouted "cut!" 
"Well done you guys." The director praised. You pulled away and got off him as the costume runner handed you your robe to cover you up, you slipped it on and tied it around your body. 
Tom's eyes never left you as you made your way back to your trailer to retouch your makeup and take a rest before the next scene starts. He was always known to be a professional but you made his mind go haywire. You on the other hand could only think about the scene, how you felt his hard on though it wasn't his fault it happens sometimes you reminded yourself. 
After the unit packed up for the day you were on your way back to your car as you heard a car honking behind you. You stopped as the car pulled over and the windows rolled down. 
"Need a ride?" Tom asked sweetly. 
"No thanks, I have my own." You gave a tight lipped smile.
"C'mon it's been a hectic week for both of us we should really blow off some steam and I don't want to get drunk alone too."
"Okay." You gave in breaking into a smile. You sat in the front seat as he drove the car while you texted your manager Mike about your change of plans. 
"So where are we going?" you ask. 
"Just in and about the town.'' everything went silent again before Tom cleared his throat and began. 
"Umm listen Y/N I'm.."
"It's okay Tom it happens sometimes I didn't mind anything." You cut him off saving him and you from  the awkward conversation. He took you to a local pub and had a few drinks together. Later you got back into the car both of you totally buzzed. You were laughing about something as Tom kept staring at you. 
"What?" you ask giggling. What came into his mind you don't know as he just straight up went to grab your face and kissed you, catching you off guard. You pushed him away, bewildered. 
"Tom! What are you doing?!" 
"Sorry, sorry, I-I just couldn't control myself. Ever since I saw you like that you are the only thing in my mind." he rambled. 
"But that doesn't mean you can kiss me."
"Don't tell me you didn't like it." his voice low as he brought his hand to your cheek. 
"Well.." Your words were stuck in your throat as your gaze dropped to his lips and you leaned forward to kiss him again fervently. 
"Your place or mine?" He asked, pulling away gasping. 
"Whichever is close." You said out of breath.
He never drove his car this fast the way he drove tonight to reach his apartment rented by the production company for him. You weren't even completely inside his apartment as he crashed his lips and pushed you against the door. You moaned into the kiss as he picked you up and carried you to his bedroom. 
You woke up the next morning as the sunlight hit your face squinting your eyes open. You stir on the bed to find yourself tangled in bedsheets and in the arms of Tom.
"Goodmorning, love." His voice husky as he looks down at you with his soft brown eyes. You sit up abruptly holding the sheets to your chest wide eyed as you recollect the memories of last night. Mike your manager had always warned you that you should avoid getting into any kind of relationship with your costars. You are young and new to this industry, a good image is what you need right now. 
"No, no, no this was a mistake. This should have never happened." You repent holding your head. Tom sits up holding your shoulders comfortingly. 
"Hey-Hey it’s okay. Last night was really good.I understand you don't know me well and your career has just begun so you don't want a relationship but that doesn't mean we can't have a little bit of fun." saying so he went for a kiss but you pull away.
"That's not the point Tom! We are colleagues and I want to keep it that way. And this will never happen again. This will be the first and last." You made it clear and left his apartment.
🥀
However Tom made it a mission to tease the hell out of you on set. You would often find him subtly touching you whenever he got the chance, when you were sitting together his fingers lazily dancing around your thighs making you shiver as he flashed you a cocky grin because he is totally aware of what he is doing to you. 
You reached your breaking point on the day you had to shoot another sex scene. The scene required minimal clothing. You would be just wearing your underwear and modesty patches to cover your breasts which will leave little to anyone's imagination. You took off your robe and lied down on the bed underneath the white covers Tom got on top of you in just his boxers. You licked your lips as you saw the prominent outline of his dick through the fabric which only reminded you of the night you slept together. He propped over you on his forearms a pillow kept between you. 
As the director shouted 'action', Tom leaned down to kiss you, dragging his lips down your body, sucking on to your skin as he massaged your breast with his hand. He could feel your nipple harden through the patch as you began to let out small moans as per the script. The heat radiating from his body was so overwhelming you could just think of him railing you to the mattress. Heat pooled between your legs and you were thankful that there is a pillow separating you or else he would easily get to know how wet you are. 
You closed your eyes, hands slipping on to his back letting out fake moans as he carried on rutting his hips on the pillow. Suddenly a chill ran down your spine when you felt two slender fingers brushing near your heat. 
"Did I make you wet, darling?" he whispered, chuckling lowly into your ears. Your breath hitched as you felt your cheeks heat up but you had nothing much to do than just go on with the scene. 
The scene ended as soon as the director said "cut!" And you were more than thankful as you quickly slipped into the robe. But you were hot and bothered as you exchanged glances as you both agreed to an unspoken agreement. 
And a few agonising moments later you find yourself bent down gazing at your flushed out reflection with droopy eyes in the dirty mirror of one of the restrooms on set you both snuck into to relieve your sexual frustration. Your dress bunched up to your waist as Tom thrusted inside you hard and fast. 
"Fuck darling! This feels so better when I actually get to fuck this pretty little pussy instead of wasting my energy humping a damn pillow." He grunted drawing back his hip to slam right into you as you jolted forward trying to keep yourself steady gripping on the edge of the marble.
"Fuck Tom!" you moaned. Your legs felt wobbly; knees on the verge of giving out as Tom’s hands expertly supported you. One of his hands slipped between your thighs rubbing circles stimulating your sensitive bud. You gasped at the added pleasure. 
"Tell me sweetheart who is fucking you so well?" He asked cockily.
"You T-Tom you." you were finding it hard to form proper words.
"Damn right." he chuckles. 
Just then there was a knock on the door. You squeaked in surprise and Tom immediately covered your mouth with his hand. You glared at him through the mirror.
"Miss Y/L/N?" It was your assistant Rebecca. Tom removed his hand from your mouth still going on with his menacing pace.
"What the fuck?!!" You seethed.
"You were being loud." he Whisper yells. 
"Mam are you there?" She asked again.
"Yeah- yeah. What is it?" You stuttered.
"The next shot will be ready in half an hour. You need to go for your makeup." 
"Okay .. ah i’ll be there in a few minutes." You tried to answer as energetically as possible.
"Mam are you okay?" she asked with concern in her voice. 
"Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just-just go I’ll be there." Tom had a smug grin plastered on his face. You rolled your eyes. His eyes darkened dripping with lust as he thrusted deep inside you again, hitting your spot as you moaned loudly but he pulled you back by your neck, capturing your lips messily muffling your moans. You felt him twitch inside you and you knew you weren’t far away. You heard Rebecca's receding footsteps as Tom increased his pace again tipping you off the edge you both came with a loud moan. His head dropped to the crook of your neck panting, brushing his lips on your sensitive skin. You hissed when he pulled out. He stepped away giving you some space to clean up while he chugged the condom in the bin and zipped his pants fixing his shirt.
"I’ll go out first and you come out later." He said running his fingers through his messy hair trying to tame them. You nodded trying your best to fix your dishevelled appearance. 
🥀
This just became a regular thing for you guys sneaking out on the set to end up making out at the most odd places you could ever imagine. Sometimes in your trailers for a quickie. 
One time you were making out at the back of your trailer Tom’s hands were roaming around all over your body as he blurted out of nowhere.
"I love you." You broke the kiss and raised a brow.
"You don’t need to show your fake love to get into my pants." Tom frowned. 
"What? No I do love you Y/N" 
"You’re joking right?" you gave a poker face. 
"No Y/N, ever since I met you I fell for you instantly." 
"Really?" Your eyes welled up in disbelief.
"Yes, love. I love you and will always love you." 
"I love you too." You sealed your lips kissing softly, emotions running high. 
You started to feel his presence even more around you after you confessed your feelings for each other. Your wardrobe now consists of half of his clothes which he leaves behind in your room every time he spends the night with you. He tells you he loves you but he is never there the next morning for you. He isn't ready to acknowledge the relationship between you because he says it isn't a good time. You are always dodging the prying eyes of the media. 
Yes you were young, naive and trusted people way too easily that is why you didn't see the obvious red flags in your relationship. 
🥀
The last scene for the movie was to be shot outdoors near a cliff. The location was picturesque as the last scene was shot of you and Tom kissing each other. After the shooting ended the director officially announced the wrapping up of the film. The crew hugged each other and indulged into a little celebration at the location itself. You went near the cliff soaking in the natural beauty reminiscing about how this was the best summer of your life where you found the love of your life when Tom walked up to you from behind. He brushed aside your hair placing a necklace with a heart shaped pendant around your neck. You let out a light gasp surprised heart swelling up at his loving gesture. 
"This-this is beautiful Tom." 
"I know, love. Only for the most beautiful woman. This will always remind you of our love."
He wrapped his arms around you as you overlooked the cliff watching the sunset with an orangish yellow hue. His phone buzzed as he took it out from his pocket and saw the caller id. 
"I need to take this." He excused himself to take the call. You fiddled with your necklace admiring it and smiling to yourself. One of the runners brought you a bottle of beer you took it and the boy was about to go and give the other bottle to Tom but you stopped him. 
"I’ll give it to him." You took the bottle from him and made your way where Tom was busy talking to whoever called over the phone. 
"Yeah bye love you. Miss you too." You caught the last bit of his conversation. 
"Girlfriend?" You joked startling him. For a moment he felt his breath caught in his throat, he gulped hard before chuckling nervously. 
"I’ll be so damned to cheat on you. It was my cousin. Have to go back home, some urgent family work has come up." 
"You will leave tomorrow only?" You pout.
"Sorry love." He brings his hand to your cheek.
"What about I go with you? I always wanted to meet your family, I mean my future family." Your eyes sparkled. 
"Uh i don’t think that’s  a good idea since we are not public yet." he fumbled. 
"So let’s go public. You love me, I love you, what's the problem?" 
"Ofcourse, love but not this time. Once I return from London we will make our relationship official I promise." 
"What if you find a hot brit chick and forget about me?" you pout. 
"I can never forget you. This face is worth remembering." he cradled your face lovingly. 
"I really want to spend the last few moments with you before I go back."
"I'll keep my door unlocked.'' You winked.
At night Tom stood in front of your hotel room and as you had said the door was unlocked he smiled to himself sneaking into your room quietly. He was startled as you grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him in pinning him against the door pressing your lips to his. 
"I’m gonna miss you so much." you say breathing heavily.
"Me too darling." 
Pretty soon all your clothes were discarded as you now lay on your bed spread out for him while he pounds into you relentlessly. 
"Oh fuck darling you always feel so good around me." He praises thrusting deeper inside you. You grab onto his back wrapping your legs around him. His phone buzzes several times on the bedside table but he was too invested in the pleasure he was getting being buried deep inside you so he decides to ignore it. 
"So gorgeous." He purrs trailing his lips down your chest sucking on to your hardened nipples. Your body arches at his touch, your one hand reaching  down to rub your clit.
"Yes rub that clit for me." He demands. You clench hard around him as you both reach your own highs. He collapsed on top of you burying his head in the crook of your neck as he pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before pulling out and rolled over to your side. You turned to him resting your head on his chest. His phone buzzes again and he reaches to receive it but ends the call abruptly seeing the number. 
"Who is it?" 
"Oh it's no one, darling." He said, stroking your hair gently and pecking on your forehead wrapping you in his warm embrace. You nuzzle your face in his chest listening to his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.
You woke up to an empty bed next morning. Tom had an early morning flight so maybe he didn’t want to wake you up you thought, giving yourself false hopes.
First two weeks he used to FaceTime you daily but soon it got limited to plain simple texts and suddenly all of it stopped. Two months went by and you didn't hear anything from Tom but still you kept your hopes high telling yourself he must be busy.
🥀
The time of the premiere for your film was approaching and you were over the moon with just the thought that you were finally going to meet him. At the night of the premier you were dolled up in one of your designer dresses, you decided to ditch your expensive diamond necklace to wear the necklace Tom gave you before leaving. You reached the venue and stepped out of your car as your eyes were flooded with the flashes from the cameras, you gracefully walked the red carpet a wide smile adorning your face. But it didn't last long. 
You heard the crowd going frenzy chanting the name of the person you loved the most in this world. You turned around to look at him and froze. He wasn't alone, he had a woman in his arms as they smiled at the cameras. Your heart clenched when you saw the big rock shining on her ring finger. He got engaged and he brought in his fiancee to make the news public. So this was his emergency family work in London.
Tom looked around smiling when his eyes found you standing at a distance with a hardened gaze. His gaze dropped to his feet as a sense of guilt kicked in. You were disgusted and filled with hatred he left you, no he fucking lied to you and was cheating on you this entire time. You never wanted a relationship in the first place. He was the one who professed his love for you and you being the lovesick idiot believed him. 
The cast was made to stand together for a group photo. You stood to the left of him. He couldn't dare to meet your eyes. 
The movie began as you took your seats and tried focusing on the screen. Tom frequently stole glances of you as memories came flooding in. You caught him glancing at you and you could no longer take this betrayal anymore. He had imagined of getting married one day and starting a family but guess what it was true but just not with you. You informed Mike sitting beside you that you aren't feeling well, he arranged for you to leave. You got up in the middle of the movie and ran out of the auditorium. Tom saw that went after you. 
"Y/N wait! Please don't go. Let me explain!" he shouted desperately. 
You didn't listen as you ran towards your car with tears in your eyes. You got into it and drove past him as you saw his reflection in the rear view mirror desperately calling out to you. Tears pricked your eyes as you saw the necklace he gave you as a token of love dangling down your neck. You held the necklace and pulled it hard breaking the chain. You took a look at it for one last time and threw it out of the window in rage. You wailed inside the car crying your heart out. That night you made up your mind to only focus on your career no more distractions or false attachments. Your hard work has paid off because two years later you are now an internationally acclaimed star with a strong image, a role model for many and your fans adore you.
Though after that dreadful night you received a string of messages of apologies from Tom which went on for at least a month but you left all of them on seen.  Recently he had started texting you again mostly they read 'I miss you', 'can we meet?' He even went on a liking spree on your Instagram account which fueled the rumors of you two possibly getting together. You decided to ignore all of it because you always wanted him to suffer the way you did. You wanted the memories of you to haunt him for eternity like a curse he can't get rid of. 
Your car reaches Marvel's office as your bodyguard opens the door and you step out of the car you strut past the gates through the hallways to the room where the meeting was to be held. Your assistant walking by your side briefing you out about your today's schedule. You entered the room to find some of the big names in Hollywood already present and there was Tom too. This is the first time in two years you are finally meeting face to face. His eyes lit up instantly seeing you as he made his way to you enthusiastically. 
"Hi Y/N" 
"Oh hey Tom." you greeted him with a smile. 
"So how are you?" he began but you didn't answer as your eyes were trained on the person behind him, a handsome blonde with icy blue eyes walking right your way.
"Hi Harrison Osterfield." He introduced himself.
"I know, you are playing my love interest and I must say you are totally worth it." You giggled. 
"Well it’s my honor to be your love interest." he chuckled. 
Tom just stood there as a mere spectator watching his best friend and you flirt with each other. You're totally lost in him, the only thought reeling in your mind.
Fuck he’s gorgeous….. 
..................................................................................
(A/N : This crap came out of nowhere. Will I be writing a Harrison osterfield x Reader fic based on 'gorgeous'? who knows🤷‍♀️) Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.
Forever taglist: @starcoadrienette2​ @hollanddolanfangirl​
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elvish-sky · 4 years ago
Text
Look Back {Thorin x Reader}
A.N: A thousand thanks to @guardianofrivendell , who kinda kickstarted this entire fic with their great idea (everyone go check out their work, it’s incredible!). Quick note on character ages- after the five years later bit Sigrid is 20, Otto is 3, and Kieran of course is relative to your age. I honestly really enjoyed writing this, even the parts where it made me cry (a good emotional outlet. Send me more angsty requests!) so I really hope it’s what you wanted, Anon! 
Requested by Anon on Tumblr: Thanks for answering my ask about angst! No worries if it'll take a while, so long as you're healthy and not stressing out about it, I will wait cuz your writing is soo worth it)I was wondering if I could request an either thorin x reader(f!human) or kili x Reader(f!human) where the reader is dumped by them and she moves on (like ends up with an elf or another dwarf) and lives a happy life, and thorin or kili regrets having left them and tries to get them back but sees that they lost their One cuz of their mistake and regrets it? (Is that too angsty?? I'm so sorry if it is!)
Word Count: 4,576. The longest thing I’ve ever written is an angst fic. Huh. 
Summary: Thorin doesn’t want to push back against the council when they say you cannot be married.
Pairings: Thorin x Reader, OC (I have those now. Huh.) x Reader
Warnings: Angst, Regret, End of Relationship, Sadness, Fluff
Director’s Commentary
****
Look Back
“It is the will of the council that, since Y/N is not a dwarf, the two of you shall not be married, and cannot be together.” 
Your head jerked up. You had been expecting pushback, but not a flat-out refusal. Turning your head to look at Thorin, you saw him bow his head in defeat.
“Very well. If it is the will of the council.” 
The words hit you in the chest like an arrow. You thought he would fight for you, but no. You weren’t worth it. You rose and left without another word, slipping between the doors as the council watched you go. Balin sighed from his seat midway down the stone table, shaking his head in disappointment at the whole room. 
Arriving at your rooms, the ones right next to Thorin’s that you had been so proud of, you started shoving your belongings into a sack, leaving anything that had been given to you by your former love out. You didn’t want any reminders of him, even to see him ever again. 
Sadly, your wish to not see him didn’t work, as shown very quickly. Barely three minutes after you had entered your rooms, he came bursting through the carved double doors. 
“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I can’t disobey the council.”
You scoffed, grabbing your few tunics and folding them into the bag. 
He continued, “You can stay, we can ask again in a few months, give them more time to warm up to the idea.”
“No. If I’m not worth fighting for now, how do I know I’ll be worth it then?”
You were drawing the string closed on your meager bag of belongings. It was rather sad to think how little you actually owned, versus what had been gifted to you by your former betrothed.
“I’m not going to risk my heart like this, Thorin. I can see that I never actually mattered.”
“Y/N-” 
You cut him off.
“You’ve broken promises before, but I never thought you’d break this one, Thorin Oakenshield.” 
You had been undoing your courting braid as you spoke, and now flung the bead at him. It fell into his hand, and you didn’t even spare a moment for the pain in his eyes as you slammed the door behind you, leaving a king with everything feeling as if he had just lost the one thing that really mattered. 
You arrived at the gates to Erebor to see something rather unexpected. The entire company was gathered there, and you stopped in front of them. They were all gazing at you with unshed tears in their eyes, and looking at them you couldn’t believe how far you all had come from that ragged company running for their lives. It made you sad to think about leaving, when the reminders of what you were giving up were all right there.
“I’m sorry about the council, lass.” Balin was the first to speak. “I tried to sway them, but it just couldn’t be done. I’ll keep trying.” 
You mustered a small smile for the old dwarf. “Thank you, Balin, but you don’t have to keep beating a dead horse. We both know nothing will come of it.” 
Each member of the company stepped forward and said goodbye, hugging you before moving back to the group. Dwalin settled for briefly squeezing you, before stepping back with a muttered, “I’ll miss yeh, lass.” You saw him surreptitiously wipe a tear from his cheek, and giggled a little.
Nori slipped a few coins into your pocket, as well as a set of lock picks. “You never know when they’ll come in handy.” 
Dori was crying as he pressed several bags of tea leaves into your hand. You sniffed them, recognizing the scent of your favorite kind.
Ori was also teary as he quickly wrapped a knitted scarf around your neck. “It gets cold out there,” were his parting words before he retreated to stand next to  Dori.
You let out a small laugh as Gloin handed you an ax. “I already have my sword!”
“Yes, lassie, but everyone knows axes are better.” There were gasps of outrage, but you were glad that the dwarf had lightened the mood, even just a little. Besides, the axe truly was gorgeous. A lovely specimen of dwarven craftsmanship, with a beautifully carved handle. 
“Is that a dragon?” Gloin nodded, and you marveled at the intricacies. 
Bifur approached next, pressing a carving into your hand. You looked at the figure. “That’s me!” He nodded, and you gazed at the detail he had worked in, even the etchings on your sword were visible in the wood. 
Bombur handed you a satchel, and you opened it. You gave the dwarf a big hug as you saw the honey-scones packing it to the brim. “My favorite.” 
“The recipe is in there too.” You couldn”t resist giving him a second hug of thanks.
Bofur came forward after his brother. “I’d sing you something, but I’m not sure I can do it without crying.” You straightened his hat, which had been set askew by your hug, as he stepped back. 
Fili and Kili were last. Fili approached you slowly, but Kili shoved him out of the way and crashed into you. Burying his face in your coat, he whispered, “I really wanted to get to call you Auntie.” 
You choked back tears, wrapping your arms around him as his brother joined the hug. 
“You’ll write to us?” Fili looked as if he was trying not to cry as well, while Kili had given up and had tears visibly streaming down his cheeks. 
“I will.” You broke away with difficulty and gave the group one last look. “Thank you all, so much.” They nodded, and you turned and walked out of the gates, leaving your old love behind. 
Thorin watched from the ramparts high above as you left. He knew he had made the right choice for his kingdom, but it hurt. The expression on your face was slowly killing him, and he knew whatever his doubts had been that you had truly loved him. He had loved you too, but he thought he loved his kingdom more. Nevertheless, he found himself hoping that you would turn around, come back, even though he knew he would have to turn you away. 
You didn’t turn around. 
You didn’t even look back.
*Five Years Later*
You shouldered the door open, arms full of papers. “I’m home!” 
“Mama!” A small shape barreled into you and you barely managed to hold onto the papers, handing them to your husband before scooping the three-year-old up.
“Otto! How was your day?” You pressed a kiss to Otto’s forehead before pecking Kieran on the cheek as you brushed by him into the sitting room. There was a fire going, smoke drifting up the chimney and you stood near it, warming hands chilled by the brisk fall air. 
“Good! Look what I made!” Otto wiggled out of your grasp and trotted over to the table, where after lots of jumping he finally managed to catch hold of something. He placed it in your lap, and you weren’t sure whether to be mad or touched. You settled for shooting a glare at Kieran before oohing and ahhing over the crudely carved figure.
“It’s you, Mommy! Like the one on the table!” 
Examining it closer, you could see something that looked like a sword. It was nowhere near the skill of Bifur’s carving that you still treasured, but it was very sweet nonetheless. 
“Wonderful job, darling.” 
“Are we going to the market today?” Otto looked up at you with pleading eyes.
“Why?” You shot a suspicious glance at Kieran, who assumed a very innocent expression.
“Because Da said that if we went to the market and got ingredients you would make the honey scones!”
“He did, did he?” 
Kieran looked guilty as you frowned at him.
“Don’t worry. Let’s put our boots on and head out!”
Otto jumped with excitement and ran to grab his boots. 
You crossed your arms and glared at your husband. “I cannot believe you let him use a knife.”
“He’s three! He’s old enough. Besides, I was watching him the whole time.”
“That doesn’t make it any better!” You threw your hands up in exasperation before kissing him. 
“But don’t worry, I still love you.”
“I love you too.” Kieran drew you in for a deeper kiss, and you responded enthusiastically.
“Let’s go!!” Your moment was interrupted by Otto, practically bouncing with excitement by the door. You laughed at him and wrapped your scarf, still holding up five years later, around your neck. Linking arms with Kieran, you giggled as Otto tugged on his hat from his perch on his father’s shoulders, and walked out the door. 
The streets of Dale were bustling, people going to the market, or the King’s house just down your street. 
Having been a hero of the Battle of the Five Armies, and one of two members of the company who had seen reason (the other being Bilbo, of course), you had a close friendship with King Bard. When you had marched into Dale after leaving Erebor, eyes still swollen with tears, he and his children had taken care of you, and it was because of him that you had met Kieran. 
Two months after leaving Erebor, you had been helping Bard train recruits for Dale’s army. Most of the men disliked being trained by a girl, but one had taken your advice and training exactly as he would a man’s. He had grown skilled, and after striking up a friendship had asked to court you. You had said yes, even though you weren’t over Thorin, but had quickly fallen head over heels in love. Kieran was perfect. He respected your fighting skills and didn’t mind your closeness to the king. He was sweet, kind, funny, and in his eyes every was perfect until proven otherwise. He always saw the best in people, never the worst. In other words, he was everything Thorin hadn’t been, and more. 
The two of you were married in a ceremony officiated by the King Bard six months after he had asked to court you, a year after leaving Erebor. Fili, Kili, and Balin had attended the ceremony, sneaking away from their royal duties for a day on the pretense of a diplomatic mission. You had kept your promise to write, and although the news of you finding someone else was hard for the two princes, they were happy your heart had started to heal. You had gotten pregnant two months later, news which was received with joy from everyone who heard. Upon reading your letter announcing the news that Fili decided to show him in the middle of a council meeting (later recognized as an extremely bad decision), Kili had let out a whoop of joy, looking guilty when everyone looked at him and promptly throwing the letter into the fire. You had laughed uproariously upon hearing this story from Fili the next time he made it to Dale. The day that Otto was born, your heart healed more. You still remembered the pain you had felt leaving Erebor, of feeling like you did not matter, but it was better now. You had been able to keep in touch with most of the company, all who had been to visit at some point after his birth. You didn’t know if Thorin knew you had moved on or had a child, but you were getting to the point where you could forgive him, just a little, for the past. 
Swinging your hand entwined with Kieran’s, you made your way through the market, stopping at all your favorite stalls to chat and pick out baking ingredients. Noticing Sigrid, Bard’s eldest daughter, picking up honey, you talked while inspecting the jars. 
“Da’s been taking half a jar to put in his tea, lately. I think he’s craving sugar.”
“More than usual?”
You laughed at Kieran’s comment. “Tell him we’re making honey scones tonight. I’ll bring some up later.”
“He’ll appreciate that, although hopefully, Bain doesn’t eat them all first like he did last time!” 
“I wanna eat all the scones with Bain!” Otto was feeling left out from his perch.
“I’m sure he’ll be pleased to have the company.” Sigrid giggled at him, passing a flower up to him before waving goodbye.
“She’s a good kid.” Kieran looked after her fondly.
“We’re not that much older than she is!” You pointed this out as you brushed flower petals out of his hair, Otto looking sad as his work was undone. 
“Now c’mon. We still need to buy more flour, especially if we’re making scones for Bard!” 
You set off again, laughing with your family as you wound through the market. You were in the middle of the artisanal section when a hush fell, the sea of people parting as something made its way through. You kept moving forward, pushing people aside to see what was happening, until you came face to face with Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain.
“Y/N.” He was the first to acknowledge you, looking as if it pained him to do so.
“Thorin.” There were gasps at your familiarity, but you didn’t care. You promptly turned around, grabbing your husband’s hand and dragging him, a silent Otto clinging to his shoulders, away. 
You didn’t look back this time, either.
“You didn’t tell me she had a child!” 
Thorin was back in Erebor, pacing around his chambers as Balin watched. He had been unable to think properly after seeing you in the market, and Fili and Balin had decided that the best course of action, or at least the one least likely to cause a diplomatic incident, was to reschedule the meeting with Bard and bring him back to the Lonely Mountain.
“You never asked.” Balin had resigned himself to having a hard conversation the minute he saw you in the market, he just didn’t know what exactly that conversation would be like. They had managed to keep the two of you apart for the last five years, but it was bound to happen sometime.
“But...she has a child.” Thorin was devastated. 
He had found out that you had kept in touch with the company six months after you left, coming across Kili reading a letter from you in the library. The fact that Kili was in the library in the first place was suspicious enough, and his doubts had been confirmed when he snuck up behind his nephew and read the letter over his shoulder. 
His gasp of, “She’s courting someone,” had been loud enough to startle half the library. Kili had jumped and tried to hide the parchment, but Thorin had simply crashed down into the chair, head in his hands. 
After taking several deep breaths, all the king said was, “She’s moved on. I have to as well,” before rising and brushing himself off, as if to brush the memories of you away. He had seemed fine, but Fili had heard the muttering coming from his room that night, of loss and grief and mistakes. 
After that, they had been much better at hiding their correspondence. The brothers had only decided to tell him about your life one more time, a year after you left, saying you had been married. He had taken that news well, it seemed, but Kili had heard the broken sobs coming from the king’s chambers late that night. 
“She cannot be happy with that- that man!” Now, Thorin seemed to be taking this news hardest of all.
“She is, lad. We’ve all seen her with them. They’re a family.” Balin was trying to calm him down, but it just wasn’t working.
“But, she’d be happier here. With me!” He was pacing the room now, raking his hands through his hair in greater distress.
“Thorin,” Balin grabbed him, stopping him so that the two were face to face, “you still love her.” 
The king staggered back, falling onto his bed. His head was in his hands again, almost mirroring how he had looked with Kili four years ago. 
“Lad?”
“Leave.” 
The one word was whispered, quieter than Balin had ever heard his king. He left, closing the door and signaling to the guard outside that the king was not to be disturbed.
The next morning, Thorin walked out of his rooms with an air of purpose about him. He was wearing an old cloak, to not be recognized as the king. Fili and Kili still managed to notice the distinct gait of their uncle and stopped him in the halls right near the gate. 
“Where are you going?” Kili looked concerned.
“Balin was right last night. I am still in love with Y/N, so I’m going to bring her back.” 
The identical looks of shock on his nephew’s face would have been hilarious in other circumstances.
“You’re still in love with Y/N?!” 
“Keep up, Kili!” Fili smacked his brother before continuing. 
“Uncle, I hate to say this, but remember how she looked at you yesterday? I don’t think she’ll be happy to see you.” 
Kili nodded at his brother’s words. “Besides, you’re the king. How are you going to convince the council when you failed five years ago?” 
Thorin looked a little surprised at that, as if he hadn’t quite thought that far ahead, but shook it off. “She will be happy to see me this time. I’m going to Dale.”
“Uncle, no!” Kili tried to block his way, but Thorin shoved past him, disappearing quickly.
“Follow him to Dale, I’ll tell Balin and the rest of the company.” Fili brushed his brother off and turned to go back to the royal wing as Kili disappeared after their uncle. 
You were making your way through the twisting streets of Dale, delivering scones to friends as you went. You had stopped at the market to give some to the honey-vendor, who always appreciated them, before turning back the direction you came. You stopped back home to pick up the basket you had made for Bard, walking in on Kieran and Otto stuffing their faces with scones and looking incredibly guilty, before continuing the walk up the hill. You were ushered in by Hakon, as usual (Bard didn’t like keeping servants, he said it made him feel “stuffy,” but a king was afforded certain privileges), and you gave him a grateful smile as he took your heavy scarf to hang up. 
“I have scones!” You entered Bard’s office, plopping the basket on his desk from which he immediately grabbed one. 
“Delicious.” 
You smiled at his praise, laughing as Bain burst through the doorway behind you.
“Did I hear scones?” He quickly dove for the basket, grabbing two.
“One for each hand!” He tried to justify this before shrugging and taking a bite, giving you a thumbs up.  
“I’ve got to go home, make sure Kieran and Otto aren’t in a food coma, but I’m glad you like them!” 
The king and his son nodded at you, waving goodbye as their mouths were still stuffed with a scone.
“And save some for the girls!” You left with that, laughing at their sad faces. 
It was pleasant out, the sort of fall day you looked forward to, so you decided that Kieran and Otto could spare you for a little while, just long enough for you to take a walk on the walls of the city. 
The view of the mountain was gorgeous from here. When you had first left, you had spent hours staring, wondering if you had made a mistake by leaving. Now, you just liked to appreciate the view.
“Want to come back?”     
You jumped, spinning to see Thorin standing behind you. You hadn’t really paused to look at him the day before, but now you noticed he looked different. Not bad, but it didn’t look as if he’d found happiness the way you had.
He stepped forward. “Y/N. I’ve come to ask you to rejoin me in the mountain.”
Your jaw dropped. “What? Do you want me to move in with my family? That seems like a bad idea.”
“No, Y/N,” he took your hand and you were too surprised to remove it from his grasp, “I want you to be my queen.”
You laughed and jerked your hand away. It wasn’t a sound of amusement, no. It sounded empty.
Hollow. 
“We saw how well that went last time.” 
“No, Y/N. This time I mean it. Come to Erebor.”
“I’m happy here, Thorin. I have a husband and a child.”
“Your child can come too, and I’m sure I can do much better for you than that man!”
Your cheeks reddened with anger as you balled up your fists, trying to restrain yourself. “I’m happy here, Thorin! I don’t need you to take me to Erebor when I have everything I could possibly want already!”
He looked as if you had physically hit him.
“Y/N, you deserve more than this, though! The council won’t be any trouble this time.”
“And you think you’re the one who can give me what I deserve?” You laughed again, the hollow sound caught by the wind.
“No, dwarf. I have everything I deserve right here and I’m not going to let you ruin it. This is my happiness, and I will be damned if I let you take that away!”
“Y/N-”
“No. I wasn’t worth fighting for then, I know I won’t be worth it now.”
“But I love you, Y/N.”
“And I loved you, once. But you’re too late.”
He watched as you walked away for the third time, knowing that this was the last.
You didn’t look back.
Kieran knew something was wrong the minute you walked through the door. 
“Otto, say bye-bye to Mama and get ready to go with Sigrid!” He strode over to you and hugged you quickly before pulling away. 
“Sigrid’s going to take Otto for a few hours.” 
“Thank you, Sigrid.” You mustered a smile for her as she tugged her boots back on. 
“Of course! C’mon Otto, Bain��s waiting!” She giggled as the child trotted out of his room, looking squishy and adorable in his winter clothes.
He ran over to you and you bent down and hugged him. 
“I love you, Mama!” 
You kissed his forehead before ushering him to Kieran, who got the same treatment before Otto trotted over to Sigrid and grabbed her hand. 
“Bye Y/N! Bye Kieran!” You lifted a hand in farewell as they left, waiting for the door to close behind them before collapsing into Kieran’s arms.
He immediately started to murmur to you, whispering reassurances in your ear as he guided you to sit next to him. He waited for your sobs to fade before speaking.
“What happened?”
“I went for a- a walk on the walls and I ran into Th- Thorin,” you choked out, voice breaking when you said his name.
You could see Kieran’s face soften in understanding. 
“Did he harm you?”
You shook your head. “He wanted me to marry him. He…” you hesitated as you saw Kieran’s eyes spark with anger, but continued. 
“He said you weren’t good enough for me. I told him you were better than I deserved.”
His eyes lightened again and he pressed a kiss to your cheek. 
“Do you need to talk it out?” That was one of the things you loved about Kieran, he didn’t offer solutions or try to fix all your problems, he just listened. He knew that when you had an issue, you just wanted someone to talk to, not to come up with ideas but just to support you.
You nodded. “I just, I felt so bad for him. And I know I shouldn’t, but he just seems so lonely.”
“Do you want to go back? He’s right, you deserve more than me.” 
Your head snapped up. “No! Kieran, why would you think that? I’m happy here. I have the perfect husband and a wonderful child, and I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world.”
He still looked doubtful. 
“Kieran, he broke my heart five years ago, and yes, I was in love with him then, but you picked up the broken pieces and helped me heal. I’d never leave you.” 
You kissed him on the lips this time, trying to convey just how much he meant to you. “I love you,” you whispered, pulling away. 
“I love you too.” He pulled you back in for another kiss. When you broke apart you lay your head on his chest as he moved to lay down. 
“Let’s take advantage of the extra rest before Otto gets back.”
You laughed at him and felt the rumble of his chest as his breaths deepened, watching him fall asleep. As you faded into unconsciousness, you couldn’t help but think that after all you’d been through, you were so unbelievably lucky to have found Kieran. 
Thorin had never understood what people meant when they called Erebor The Lonely Mountain. Now, walking up to the gates alone, he got it. Something was missing, something that he’d never noticed before but now felt the absence of more keenly than ever. He couldn’t believe that he had failed to win you back. He hadn’t realized just how much he had hurt you five years ago, but the pain in your eyes had made it very clear. 
“I’m sorry, Uncle.” Kili appeared next to him as he walked up to the gates. 
Thorin ignored him, ignored the salutes and waves he got from his subjects as he made a beeline for his rooms, Kili dashing around in his wake to fix the wounded pride of every dwarf he ignored. 
Once Thorin made it to his rooms he locked the door behind him, taking slight delight even through his misery at the thump meaning Kili had crashed into it, before collapsing in his chair. 
He still was in shock. No, not shock, he was devastated. It had never occurred to him that you would be happy in Dale, wouldn’t want to rule a kingdom. He had thought that he wasn’t in love with you for the better part of five years, and once he realized he still was he hadn’t thought you wouldn’t feel the same. 
A knock sounded at the door. “Please let us in, Uncle.”
Thorin sighed and went to undo the bolts. 
Fili and Kili entered, both looking much more subdued than usual. Fili took in how Thorin’s coat was thrown on the floor, his boots tossed haphazardly in each direction and sighed. 
“What do you need?” Despite knowing how Thorin had hurt you, Kili couldn’t help but feel bad for his uncle. He had never seen Thorin like this. He looked broken. 
“I need to be alone.”
His nephews nodded, actually obeying him for once, and slipped out the door. 
Thorin was again left alone with his thoughts. Somehow, he had realized that you had been his One. That was why he had said out to make things better. But he had failed. He had lost his One, the only person who he could ever love didn’t love him back. 
Thorin buried his head in his hands, letting out a broken sob. For the fourth time in his life, he had failed. He was too late. 
Everything tag <3: @entishramblings @itgetsatadhazy @anjhope1 @boyruins
Thorin tag <3: @lathalea
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citrina-posts · 4 years ago
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Avatar: Cultural Appreciation or Appropriation?
I love Avatar: the Last Airbender. Obviously I do, because I run a fan blog on it. But make no mistake: it is a show built upon cultural appropriation. And you know what? For the longest time, as an Asian-American kid, I never saw it that way.
There are plenty of reasons why I never realized this as a kid, but I’ve narrowed it down to a few reasons. One is that I was desperate to watch a show with characters that looked like me in it that wasn’t anime (nothing wrong with anime, it’s just not my thing). Another is that I am East Asian (I have Taiwanese and Korean ancestry) and in general, despite being the outward “bad guys”, the East Asian cultural aspects of Avatar are respected far more than South Asian, Middle Eastern, and other influences. A third is that it’s easy to dismiss the negative parts of a show you really like, so I kind of ignored the issue for a while. I’m going to explain my own perspective on these reasons, and why I think we need to have a nuanced discussion about it. This is pretty long, so if you want to keep reading, it’s under the cut.
Obviously, the leadership behind ATLA was mostly white. We all know the co-creators Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino (colloquially known as Bryke) are white. So were most of the other episodic directors and writers, like Aaron Ehasz, Lauren Montgomery, and Joaquim Dos Santos. This does not mean they were unable to treat Asian cultures with respect, and I honestly do believe that they tried their best! But it does mean they have certain blinders, certain perceptions of what is interesting and enjoyable to watch. Avatar was applauded in its time for being based mostly on Asian and Native American cultures, but one has to wonder: how much of that choice was based on actual respect for these people, and how much was based on what they considered to be “interesting”, “quirky”, or “exotic”?
The aesthetic of the show, with its bending styles based on various martial arts forms, written language all in Chinese text, and characters all decked out in the latest Han dynasty fashions, is obviously directly derivative of Asian cultures. Fine. That’s great! They hired real martial artists to copy the bending styles accurately, had an actual Chinese calligrapher do all the lettering, and clearly did their research on what clothing, hair, and makeup looked like. The animation studios were in South Korea, so Korean animators were the ones who did the work. Overall, this is looking more like appreciation for a beautiful culture, and that’s exactly what we want in a rapidly diversifying world of media.
But there’s always going to be some cherry-picking, because it’s inevitable. What’s easy to animate, what appeals to modern American audiences, and what is practical for the world all come to mind as reasons. It’s just that… they kinda lump cultures together weirdly. Song from Book 2 (that girl whose ostrich-horse Zuko steals) wears a hanbok, a traditionally Korean outfit. It’s immediately recognizable as a hanbok, and these dresses are exclusive to Korea. Are we meant to assume that this little corner of the mostly Chinese Earth Kingdom is Korea? Because otherwise, it’s just treated as another little corner of the Earth Kingdom. Korea isn’t part of China. It’s its own country with its own culture, history, and language. Other aspects of Korean culture are ignored, possibly because there wasn’t time for it, but also probably because the creators thought the hanbok was cute and therefore they could just stick it in somewhere. But this is a pretty minor issue in the grand scheme of things (super minor, compared to some other things which I will discuss later on).
It’s not the lack of research that’s the issue. It’s not even the lack of consideration. But any Asian-American can tell you: it’s all too easy for the Asian kids to get lumped together, to become pan-Asian. To become the equivalent of the Earth Kingdom, a mass of Asians without specific borders or national identities. It’s just sort of uncomfortable for someone with that experience to watch a show that does that and then gets praised for being so sensitive about it. I don’t want you to think I’m from China or Vietnam or Japan; not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because I’m not! How would a French person like to be called British? It would really piss them off. Yet this happens all the time to Asian-Americans and we are expected to go along with it. And… we kind of do, because we’ve been taught to.
1. Growing Up Asian-American
I grew up in the early to mid-2000s, the era of High School Musical and Hannah Montana and iCarly, the era of Spongebob and The Amazing World of Gumball and Fairly Odd Parents. So I didn’t really see a ton of Asian characters onscreen in popular shows (not anime) that I could talk about with my white friends at school. One exception I recall was London from Suite Life, who was hardly a role model and was mostly played up for laughs more than actual nuance. Shows for adults weren’t exactly up to par back then either, with characters like the painfully stereotypical Raj from Big Bang Theory being one of the era that comes to mind.
So I was so grateful, so happy, to see characters that looked like me in Avatar when I first watched it. Look! I could dress up as Azula for Halloween and not Mulan for the third time! Nice! I didn’t question it. These were Asian characters who actually looked Asian and did cool stuff like shoot fireballs and throw knives and were allowed to have depth and character development. This was the first reason why I never questioned this cultural appropriation. I was simply happy to get any representation at all. This is not the same for others, though.
2. My Own Biases
Obviously, one can only truly speak for what they experience in their own life. I am East Asian and that is arguably the only culture that is treated with great depth in Avatar.
I don’t speak for South Asians, but I’ve certainly seen many people criticize Guru Pathik, the only character who is explicitly South Asian (and rightly so. He’s a stereotype played up for laughs and the whole thing with chakras is in my opinion one of the biggest plotholes in the show). They’ve also discussed how Avatar: The Last Airbender lifts heavily from Hinduism (with chakras, the word Avatar itself, and the Eye of Shiva used by Combustion Man to blow things up). Others have expressed how they feel the sandbenders, who are portrayed as immoral thieves who deviously kidnap Appa for money, are a direct insult to Middle Eastern and North African cultures. People have noted that it makes no sense that a culture based on Inuit and other Native groups like the Water Tribe would become industrialized as they did in the North & South comics, since these are people that historically (and in modern day!) opposed extreme industrialization. The Air Nomads, based on the Tibetan people, are weirdly homogeneous in their Buddhist-inspired orange robes and hyperspiritual lifestyle. So too have Southeast Asians commented on the Foggy Swamp characters, whose lifestyles are made fun of as being dirty and somehow inferior. The list goes on.
These things, unlike the elaborate and highly researched elements of East Asian culture, were not treated with respect and are therefore cultural appropriation. As a kid, I had the privilege of not noticing these things. Now I do.
White privilege is real, but every person has privileges of some kind, and in this case, I was in the wrong for not realizing that. Yes, I was a kid; but it took a long time for me to see that not everyone’s culture was respected the way mine was. They weren’t considered *aesthetic* enough, and therefore weren’t worth researching and accurately portraying to the creators. It’s easy for a lot of East Asians to argue, “No! I’ve experienced racism! I’m not privileged!” News flash: I’ve experienced racism too. But I’ve also experienced privilege. If white people can take their privilege for granted, so too can other races. Shocking, I know. And I know now how my privilege blinded me to the fact that not everybody felt the same euphoria I did seeing characters that looked like them onscreen. Not if they were a narrow and offensive portrayal of their race. There are enough good-guy Asian characters that Fire Lord Ozai is allowed to be evil; but can you imagine if he was the only one?
3. What It Does Right
This is sounding really down on Avatar, which I don’t want to do. It’s a great show with a lot of fantastic themes that don’t show up a lot in kids’ media. It isn’t superficial or sugarcoating in its portrayal of the impacts of war, imperialism, colonialism, disability, and sexism, just to name a few. There are characters like Katara, a brown girl allowed to get angry but is not defined by it. There are characters like Aang, who is the complete opposite of toxic masculinity. There are characters like Toph, who is widely known as a great example of how to write a disabled character.
But all of these good things sort of masked the issues with the show. It’s easy to sweep an issue under the rug when there’s so many great things to stack on top and keep it down. Alternatively, one little problem in a show seems to make-or-break media for some people. Cancel culture is the most obvious example of this gone too far. Celebrity says one ignorant thing? Boom, cancelled. But… kind of not really, and also, they’re now terrified of saying anything at all because their apologies are mocked and their future decisions are scrutinized. It encourages a closed system of creators writing only what they know for fear of straying too far out of their lane. Avatar does do a lot of great things, and I think it would be silly and immature to say that its cultural appropriation invalidates all of these things. At the same time, this issue is an issue that should be addressed. Criticizing one part of the show doesn’t mean that the other parts of it aren’t good, or that you shouldn’t be a fan.
If Avatar’s cultural appropriation does make you uncomfortable enough to stop watching, go for it. Stop watching. No single show appeals to every single person. At the same time, if you’re a massive fan, take a sec (honestly, if you’ve made it this far, you’ve taken many secs) to check your own privilege, and think about how the blurred line between cultural appreciation (of East Asia) and appropriation (basically everybody else) formed. Is it because we as viewers were also captivated by the aesthetic and overall story, and so forgive the more problematic aspects? Is it because we’ve been conditioned so fully into never expecting rep that when we get it, we cling to it?
I’m no media critic or expert on race, cultural appropriation, or anything of the sort. I’m just an Asian-American teenager who hopes that her own opinion can be put out there into the world, and maybe resonate with someone else. I hope that it’s given you new insight into why Avatar: The Last Airbender is a show with both cultural appropriation and appreciation, and why these things coexist. Thank you for reading!
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moonbeambucky · 4 years ago
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I Promise (Part 2/2)
Pairing: Chris Beck x Reader Word Count: 4722 Warnings: fluff, light angst, pregnancy
Summary: Before heading to Mars Chris Beck reconnects with his best friend, unaware of the outcome of their night together. With the burden of his mission will Chris make a promise he can’t keep?
A/N: A big thank you to my love Allie @all1e23​​​​​ for beta reading 🍕❤️ gif source (x)
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PART 1
In the months that passed Chris had been able to keep up on email with a bit more regularity though it still took some time in between messages. Video calls were less frequent but you still had them. You stood back from your laptop and faced sideways, lifting your shirt to reveal the protrusion of your growing belly. 
His smile was bittersweet, wishing he could be there in person to watch you grow, to feel when the baby starts kicking. You were having a boy and decided to name him Oliver. After you first spoke Chris waited for you to tell your family first before he told his over email, and you followed up with a visit to see them.
His parents, Michael and Lori, were so happy to see you again. They always knew you and Chris were close but now with a grandchild on the way they were thrilled. Along with your parents they offered help immediately, everyone overwhelming you with to-do lists and essential shopping you hadn’t thought about at that point.
“My dad’s going to help make the storage room a nursery.”
Your apartment was technically a one bedroom but there was a small room adjacent to yours you’ve been using as extra space to hold anything random you couldn’t find a spot for anywhere else. It was on the narrow side and currently overcrowded with junk, not the most picturesque nursery but it would have to do for now, as soon as you get rid of things to make space. 
“I wish I was there to help you,” he sighed, not speaking solely about helping you clean. “We’ll be descending for Mars soon so I won’t be able to keep in touch until we get back on the Hermes.” 
You understood. Chris would be there for about a month and you assumed it would take a little longer to hear back from him once they got back on board to begin their journey back. 
It was an unassuming morning at home. You were trying to find a comfortable position on your couch, adjusting the cushion you bought for extra support. You’re tired, finding it harder to fall asleep comfortably with a bigger belly. At 24 weeks your baby was apparently practicing to be a soccer player, his kicks growing stronger every day. You loved this part of pregnancy but you also couldn’t deny how terrible you felt. Your feet started swelling, your skin was itchy and you thought you were going crazy every time you tried to read but the words were blurring. Changes were expected but not in the way you always thought. 
A news report breaks on TV, a red banner that flashes words that have your heart beating rapidly – ARES III ASTRONAUTS COMING HOME. Tears flood your eyes as you hear the news, Mark Watney is dead. Nausea washes over your body in waves and you clutch your stomach, forgetting to breathe until you hear that Chris was safe. You exhale with relief though your heart aches for the crew and Mark’s family. You rubbed your belly in gentle circles, speaking softly to let Oliver know that Daddy was alright and he was coming home. 
It was late December when Chris finally had a chance to call you. Tears glisten in his eyes as he sees you, thanking you for the picture you emailed him from your latest sonogram. The 3D technology showed a clear picture of Oliver’s sweet face and Chris longed to meet him. Your belly had grown as well, with less than three months to go before your due date. 
The nursery was complete and you really owed a lot to your family and Chris’ for helping it come together. Chloe arranged a baby shower which helped fill the nursery with everything you needed, from drawers full of diapers to a wardrobe of clothes, a lot of space themed outfits you couldn’t wait to send Chris pictures of. 
Though you were overjoyed at everyone being there it was hard to keep up a smile. Everyone knew the situation and there was no way getting around the fact that he wouldn’t be home for another year. Still you pushed on and tried not to dwell on what you couldn’t change.
“Wow,” Chris marveled as you showed him your bump. “You’re so much bigger since I last saw you.” The flat, unamused expression you shot Chris made him quickly stutter on his words. “I meant your bump, it’s… you look beautiful, I promise.” You smiled a little, trusting him even if you didn’t quite believe it all the time. 
Catching up came to a halt when Chris began to open up about what happened. You knew it was coming. It was ubiquitous in the news cycle but hearing it from Chris directly made your stomach churn. You wished you could be there, to wipe away his tears and hold him close as he mourned for his friend. You wished even more that you could tell him the truth… Mark was alive. 
You received communication from NASA just before the public learned about it though you were specifically instructed not to tell Chris about the information. According to them the crew needed to focus on their mission home and honestly you thought it was a bunch of bullshit. You felt nauseous the whole time speaking to Chris, trying to hide the truth you so desperately wanted to tell him. Lying was not something you and Chris ever did to each other and every second you held your tongue felt like you were betraying all the years of your friendship. 
When the call ended you shut your laptop, hanging your head low and breaking down into tears. It was a deep, messy faced cry with guttural sobs. You were crying for everything. For Mark, mistakenly left to die on a planet of isolation, for Chris and lying to his face, for Oliver who can’t have his father around like you wanted him to be.
As time went on you felt better, emailing and speaking to Chris whenever he could. It’s February and your heart feels lighter as you await the video connection. You try not to get sentimental with Valentine’s Day having just passed. You and Chris are not anything officially, just two adults who have known each other their whole lives having a baby… but the idea doesn’t scare you. 
You think back to your thirtieth birthday and what would have happened if you were single. Would Chris have mentioned the promise? It’s a silly thought. He was so busy with his career he probably wouldn’t have gone through with it but you can’t help thinking about the “what if.” And now you were single, single and pregnant with his child, so what if…
Your thoughts are cut off immediately when you actually see Chris. His eyes were rimmed red, eyes glistening with tears that made the tiny red veins scattered across the whites of his eyes look like they were bleeding.
“Mark is alive,” his voice shuddered through a heaving sob. 
Your mouth dropped open as you listened in shock. How does he know? 
Chris rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, eyes squeezing tight as he exhaled another heavy sigh. “I’m the one that called it, did you know that? I told Commander Lewis he was dead and they knew…” 
His words dropped, his voice failing to speak but Chris’ grief turned to anger just as quickly. “They knew… they knew for two goddamn months that he was alive! Do you know how that feels?”
Your heart was breaking for him even more and there was nothing you could do but offer words of comfort as he vented. “Chris I’m so sorry. Who told you?”
“Mitch Henderson, our flight director, he– wait.” Chris’ body stiffened, eyes narrowing at the screen. “What do you mean who? Did… did you know?”
You dropped your head in shame, unable to answer him in words.
“You knew? Y/N look at me!” he shouted. 
Your head snapped up to see Chris’ nostrils flaring, jaw clenched tight. “You knew my friend was alive and you didn’t tell me?” he grit through his teeth, anger burning hotter than the sun. 
“I’m sorry Chris, I couldn’t.” 
He scoffed, cutting off your explanation. His tone raised to a level he’s never taken with you before. “You couldn’t what, Y/N? You looked me in the eye and lied to me about everything!”
Though Chris may have been justified in his anger it shouldn't have been directed at you. Just as quickly you retorted, “I’m not the only one Chris! Everyone knows, your parents, Chloe; this isn’t on me. NASA told us not to say anything to distract you.”
“Oh but telling me you’re pregnant wasn’t a distraction?” he snapped.
Chris knew he made a mistake but it was too late, the words came out and he couldn’t take them back. He watched you sink in your chair, your lips beginning to quiver. You dropped your head down to hide the tears but he could see them leaving wet puddles on the fabric of your shirt. 
He was upset, feeling guilty about leaving Mark stranded even though he knows there was nothing he could have done. His biometer was damaged, he thought… they all thought he was dead and if they didn’t leave they’d all have died too. There was nothing he could do to change the past but this isn’t what he wanted. 
Chris was angry and frustrated with everything. He wanted his friend to be safe on the Hermes, he wanted this mission to be over, he wanted… to be with you. You were due in three weeks and the closer the date got the more he hated being up in space when all he wanted was to be by your side. 
“Y/N… Y/N please… I’m sorry,” he sniffled, wiping away fresh tears that began to fall. “I didn’t mean to take this out on you… please…”
Tears still fell as you lifted your head slowly towards the screen to find Chris looking just as upset as you were. You cleared your throat, wiping the wetness away from your cheek as you spoke, “If you don’t want to do this–”
“No!” he cut you off immediately, “Y/N please, I was wrong. I was upset and I didn’t mean that. I want this more than anything. I’m sorry.”
The sincerity was clear in the depths of his eyes, staring at you as if he was unworthy of your gaze. You took a moment to think of what he’s going through; the world had time to process everything that was happening with Mark but for Chris this was new and upsetting and you understood.
“I’m sorry too. I never wanted to lie to you.”
“Stop, you don’t have to apologize, I was an asshole.” Chris immediately stops your protests and you let him, feeling yourself smile again the longer you continue to speak. “I miss you a lot, do you know that?” His smile returned as he spoke, asking how you were feeling with your upcoming due date.
Your smile stretches wider across your face. “I miss you too. I’m…” The smile curbs a bit as you let out a sigh. “I’m nervous honestly, excited but scared I guess, I don’t know. I know it’s unrealistic and maybe even a bit selfish to say but I feel like if you were here I’d be a lot better.”
He apologizes again though you find yourself doing the same, not meaning to add to the guilt he already lives with. “I wish I could be there but I know you’re going to get through it, and Oliver already has the best mom in the world.” 
Your mouth gasped open and you placed your hand on your bump. “He just kicked when you said that, I’m not even kidding!” 
“See, it’s true,” he grinned widely. 
There was a faint noise in the background and you saw Chris looking off to the side. When he turned back to face the screen you could tell by the tension in his face that he was needed for something. 
“I have to go now, but… I love you Y/N.”
Though you’ve heard those words so many times before and have spoken them yourself, this time they felt different. You wondered if he meant to put that new emotion behind it and if you felt the same.
There wasn’t much time to ponder these thoughts as two weeks later you were in the hospital, with your mom and Chloe by your side getting you through labor. It was an excruciating ordeal with contractions that were so intense you were in tears. They helped you breathe through them, letting you squeeze their hands as you received an epidural and finally a few hours later it was time to push. Chloe recorded the birth over your shoulder for Chris and with a strangled cry Oliver came into the world. 
Tears of joy ran down your cheeks as you held him against you. He was beautiful and you could see so much of Chris in him already. A bittersweet sob wracked through you, wishing he was there. 
Chris called the whole crew in to see photos of Oliver as he opened his email. There were a ton, his family making sure they took pictures from every angle. There were close ups of his little toes, pictures of him sleeping and Chris’ favorites of you holding him.
“Congratulations Beck!” “Welcome to fatherhood.” “He’s beautiful.” 
Chris saved some things for himself like Oliver’s birth and a special message you sent him. The phone was held out in front of you, the unforgiving hospital lights showing off how tired you looked but to Chris you were beautiful and shining as bright as the stars.
“We did it.” Your voice was soft and strained, but you still pushed on to speak to him. The camera flipped towards the bassinet beside your bed with Oliver sleeping peacefully. “Say hi to Daddy,” you whispered softly. There were a few moments of silence watching him sleep, and you couldn’t help but let out a soft giggle as Oliver’s mouth twitched. “I can’t wait for you to meet him Chris,” the camera flipped around again, “I know you’re going to be an amazing father. I love you so much.” 
When the video ended Chris couldn’t help but kiss the screen, wishing it was your lips that his were pressed against. He’s eagerly counting the days and soon enough he would be.
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Chris sat uncomfortably in his chair, elbow resting on the glossy white table as his hand covers his mouth, hiding the worry and tension of his lips. He feels like he swallowed a bag of rocks, his stomach is tense and tight, cramping in all the worst ways. He tried to hide it, shifting in his chair as he listens to his Commander lay out a plan to save Mark.
It goes directly against NASA’s orders and he’s not sure what the consequences would be for mutiny but he doesn’t care about that, not if it means they can rescue their friend.
“...If we do everything perfectly we add 533 days to our mission, 533 more days before we see our families again, 533 days of unplanned space travel where anything could go wrong.. If it’s mission critical, we die.”
He shifts again, his stomach twisting in all directions as he ponders what to do. He missed your pregnancy, Oliver’s birth. He could be home in six months and his heart swells at the thought. He is ready to happily spend his nights changing diapers and preparing bottles, bonding with his son and allowing you the sleep you need. 
Chris’ shoulders slump. He doesn’t know much about fatherhood but he does know he wants to be someone Oliver could look up to and he wouldn’t be that person if he didn’t stay true to his heart and make a tough decision. 
“Well, it has to be unanimous,” Commander Lewis said, scanning her head to lock eyes with each member of the crew. 
It would be another year and a half before Chris saw you and Oliver and the thought hurts him deeply but he knows it’s for the best. “Let’s go get him,” he said, his voice wavering between excitement and trepidation. He knew this was right and he hoped you would believe him. 
Once the Hermes corrected their course it was official and NASA knew they would have to send them the resupply probe for their extended mission. Now all Chris had to do was tell you.
It was hard to watch the tears stream down your face as you broke down, you weren’t even able to wipe them with Oliver sleeping in your arms. Chris is crying too, looking at the sweet face of the son he has to wait even longer to meet. You know why he’s doing this and you can’t exactly be mad at him. Even growing up Chris was always the person to do the right thing no matter the consequence. 
“Y/N… if anything happens…”
“No!” you cut him off, letting out your anguish as softly as you could so you didn’t disturb Oliver. “Chris, don’t say that.” Your eyes pleaded with him, hating that he made you even consider the worst.
“Please, if anything happens I want you to know that you and Oliver…” His voice gives out, even Chris has a hard time accepting a very possible reality. “I made sure you’ll be taken care of.” 
He stared straight through you and you understood what he meant. Adjusting your grip on Oliver, you quickly wiped the wetness from your cheek and rubbed at your nose. “You have to come back to us, promise me.”
“I promise,” he replied with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He wants to keep his promise but it’s not something he can guarantee. Oliver stirs in your arms, his face twisting as he lets out a piercing cry as if he also knew the stakes at hand.
You soothe your son as best as you could, feeling he needed a diaper change. Before saying goodbye you looked into Chris’ eyes through the screen, wishing you could reach out and cup his cheek as you proclaimed, “I love you, Chris.” You meant every word, more than ever before. 
His cheeks pulled into a warm smile as he said it back. The screen goes dark and he sits quietly starting his countdown over for the day he can say it to you again in person.
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A year has passed and you’re sitting on the floor with Oliver in your lap, holding a book out in front of you. This was your nightly routine before bed, letting him pick out a story from his little shelf against the wall and reading it together. He was very interested at this age, helping you turn the pages or pointing at the pictures that you would describe and try to get him to repeat.
He’s grown so much and every day you find more ways he looks like Chris, especially when he scrunches his nose, putting up a fuss when eating bananas. 
Oliver’s first birthday was two months ago, it was a small party at Chris’ parents house filled with cake and presents but the best gift was that Chris was able to call in. You cried immediately, holding Oliver up to the screen and pointing at Chris. “Dada! Look Oliver it’s Dada!”
There were pictures of Chris in your house and every time you passed them you would show Oliver, hoping the connection would eventually sink in. Oliver grinned at the screen showing off four tiny teeth in the center of his smile. “Oliver it’s Daddy!” Chris said, waving his hands. “Hey buddy. I love you Oliver. I’ll see you soon.” 
It didn’t feel real that Chris was actually coming home this year since he’s been gone for so long. You’ve been keeping in touch, emailing him as many pictures and videos of Oliver as you could. Everyone loved the professional shots taken when he was six months old, dressed in pajamas printed with planets on them, holding a bottle shaped like a spaceship. In others he was dressed as an astronaut tethered to a bright and colorful rocketship laying against a starry background made to look like he was floating in space, just like his Dad.
With Oliver in bed you went to the kitchen to make yourself something to eat though you could barely focus. You were on edge, watching the live stream of Mark Watney’s rescue on your phone. 
Your head lifted to the TV as you waited like the rest of the world, watching the rescue in real time. It took an hour before there was confirmation that Mark was safely on board and the relief brought tears to your eyes. The whole world was celebrating and you couldn’t imagine how happy Chris and his crew were to get him back and soon enough Chris would be home too.
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While some people were opening up presents on Christmas morning you were opening suitcases and getting ready to pack things for yourself and Oliver to fly to Houston to see Chris. The crew landed two days ago and seeing footage of him being pulled from the capsule brought tears to your eyes. You pointed to the screen for Oliver, “Who’s that? That’s…” 
His face lit up, his little hand slapping at the screen as his squeaky voice said, “It’s Daddy!”
“That’s right. Good job!” you beamed, planting a kiss to his soft cheek.
Oliver did a lot of growing up in the last year. He was a few months shy of two, a little ball of energy that brought smiles everywhere he went. He was playful and kind, he loved to splash bubbles during bathtime, and wiggle his body to music. 
Chris was able to see his emerging personality whenever you spoke to each other. Oliver was shy at first and a little confused, looking back at you instead of the screen as Chris was trying to talk to him. It took a lot of patience but you got there, pointing at Chris and saying “It’s Daddy!” enough times for Oliver to finally recognize him. Chris would smile and wave, calling him his little buddy and Oliver waved back. He was hesitant at first but regular video calls normalized their relationship and soon Oliver would press his lips to your laptop, leaving a big wet kiss on the screen meant for his Dad. 
It was hard knowing Chris was back on Earth but you couldn't see him yet. He was undergoing physical evaluations and you were certain more testing would be necessary in the future considering he and the Ares III crew have set a record, spending nearly three times the amount in space than ever before. You chuckled to yourself, knowing Chris would probably want to take on the study himself although part of you knew he was more anxious to spend time with you and Oliver, a thought that made your heart swell.
A week later and you were at the Johnson Space Center, in a waiting room meant for the family of returning astronauts. Oliver is playing with Aunt “Coey” as he called her, holding his spacecraft toy and making it fly above armrests of the row of blue chairs you’re so tired of staring at. Whenever you heard noise in the hallway you quickly rushed towards Oliver, brushing his hair in place with your hands and adjusting the bottom of his striped blue shirt. 
This time you were right to be prepared as a man opened the door. You all scrambled to stand up, holding Oliver in front of you with your hands on his shoulders. The man nodded, giving a quick smile and suddenly you felt overcome with nerves. After two and a half years you were finally about to see Chris again and your heart was beating wildly. You tried to steady your breaths, holding a nervous smile as you waited for him to walk through the door.
The moment he did you were overcome with emotion, bursting out with tears of joy, a smile stretching from ear to ear. He was here, he was actually here. Chris had a smile that beamed as bright as the stars, his eyes glistening with tears as he looked at you and Oliver who had grown restless of standing and made his way into his grandpa’s arms. 
Chris walked unsteadily towards you, thinking Oliver could probably walk better than he can at the moment as he was still adjusting to gravity. You ran forward meeting him more than halfway, throwing your arms around him for a crushing hug. As you cried against his chest your own legs nearly gave out when you felt his arms around you. 
“I missed you so much,” you muffled against his shirt, pulling yourself back to stare into his eyes once more. 
“I love you,” he said, a clear admission of the feelings in his heart, no longer meant with platonic innocence. 
You were always close and while the two of you never saw each other as anything but friends it certainly surprised everyone around you when you didn’t end up together. Things were different now and you both felt the shift in your relationship since he’s been away. It was more than the bond you had by having a child together; Chris always had a place in your heart and you wondered why it took this long to see it. 
“I love you too,” you cried again, feeling the relief of his lips against yours as they pressed together for a sweet and long overdue kiss. 
Lori kissed her son, hugging him quickly as did Chloe who was eager to record Chris and Oliver’s first official introduction on her phone. Michael placed him down and you kneeled beside Oliver. Chris eased himself down, feeling his heart pounding like a drum in his ears. In the last few years he’s been through countless stressful situations, none of which were more nerve wracking than meeting his son for the first time. 
There’s a nervous look on Oliver’s face as a room full of people are all watching him and he turns to look at you, his eyes pleading for help. You reassured him that everything was okay and like the many times you’ve done in the past you pointed towards Chris. Your voice wavered as the words you spoke bubbled out of your throat, “Oliver, this is your Daddy.”
Chris smiled softly, keeping a short distance between himself and Oliver because he didn’t want to overwhelm him. It was clear Oliver was unsure of what to do, looking back and forth between you and Chris. 
“Hey buddy, it’s me. I’m your Daddy,” Chris said and finally Oliver’s face lit up with recognition. 
He grinned, waving to Chris in front of him as they had done through the screen so many times before. With a proud smile Oliver picked up the hem of his shirt, exposing his tummy and strung together a sentence of mostly recognizable words that meant, “I have a belly button!”
A tear squeezed out from the corner of Chris’ eyes as he laughed, “Yeah you do buddy!”
The ice was broken between them and Chris looked over his shoulder at someone who discreetly handed him something behind his back.
“I’m so happy to meet you Oliver. This is for you,” Chris said, handing over a teddy bear dressed as an astronaut. 
He jumped as he took the bear, squeezing it in his arms with the happiest smile. With some encouragement you had him thank Chris and Oliver pursed his lips forward to kiss Chris’ cheek. Oliver let Chris hug him and he smiled through his tears, finally experiencing what he’s been imagining for years, holding his son in his arms. 
Chris thought his days among the stars were over but together with you and Oliver he’s surrounded by a whole galaxy of love. Each day shines brighter than the last and Chris has no doubt that one day soon he will finally keep his promise.
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geminisholland · 4 years ago
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Hi! What would you think about writing a fic where Tom and reader are both working on a show or movie or something, and they have feelings for each other, but they're too nervous to do anything, and then they both end up in a prop closet or something alone, and then ✨stuff✨ happens? If not that's fine!!
a/n: uhhh i got really carried away with this, and am really obsessed with the idea so thank u for sending it over!! also actress!reader is like my favorite trope to read so it really was no shock this was my favorite to write! i also did my best to portray tom as the gemini man he is. also, my inbox is open, send over requests!
warnings: cussing, sexual tension u could cut with a knife, an intense make out sesh (no smut)
word count: 2211
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the long nights on set were beginning to catch up with you and your costars. every day you felt more delusional, surviving only by the caffeine that tom would bring every morning. it was really a routine at this point, you’d sit down in the chair of the hair and makeup trailer, and one minute later tom would stroll in with your exact order.
“and an iced matcha for the diva,” he liked to joke. that was his nickname for you, diva. he thought that maybe you’d pick up on his flirting if he started calling you names like diva, and princess. you payed no mind to him, because you thought he was making fun of you. that he didn’t take you seriously, and that was frustrating, because, well, you had feelings for him. you weren’t entirely sure how he felt about you, though, and it was driving you insane. you’d convince yourself you would be okay without him, that if he didn’t like you back, you’d survive it. but then he would walk in to the trailer, holding your matcha, and calling you diva. you couldn’t push aside the euphoria that rushed through your body every time he called you that. you actually really enjoyed it, but tried to ignore that as the embarrassment of him making fun of you settled in.
tom was really cocky too, but you assumed that came with being an excellent actor, and being quite successful. you’d talk to your friends about him, because when were you not talking to him? when were you not thinking about him?
“he’s so cocky, maybe i don’t actually have feelings for him,” you’d explain. “he walks around calling me names, who does he think he is?”
your friends would groan, because they heard this everyday. they would go from “yeah he sucks” to “aw, you should tell him how you feel, you two would be so cute together.”
you just felt so stuck. you’d act in scenes with him, and would feel the connection, but as soon as the director yelled cut the connection would turn to a code that you couldn’t decipher. you really couldn’t figure him out.
he would abruptly open your trailer door, and yell, “hey princess, let’s get going they’re ready for us!”
you’d roll your eyes, but walk with him to set anyways, because you enjoyed his presence. you were friends, at this point. he would invite you to his place for game nights, and take you out to dinner during particularly hard days. he would show up to your place, unannounced, with a pack of truly’s- just cause. you would give him rides to set, and get him his favorite food when he’s filming. you tried not to think about how often he would send you the “you up?” text, because you didn’t want to convince yourself this was something, when there was a possibility it was nothing.
but, you really liked him. he was tom holland, your celebrity crush. the person you’d call when you’re sad. the person who you’d run scenes with for hours on end, and never get tired of being around him. the person who you could just look at, and feel safe. he was home to you, you just didn’t know he felt the same. so, when the electricity went out during a particularly bad storm in Atlanta, and you and tom were in the supplies closet alone, you weren’t exactly prepared for what was about to happen.
“you really ordered an iced matcha while there’s, like, a borderline hurricane happening outside?” tom exclaimed. he stared at you as you stood up, and grabbed the drink from his hand.
“yes, i really did,” you shot back. “what are you gonna do? call me a ‘diva’?” you smiled at him, and his eyes slowly moved down your body than back up to meet your eyes. yes, he really did just check you out, but you were sure you only imagined that in your head.
“i might,” tom replied, then sat in the chair next to you. “it’s still early, though. there’s time to catch up on the name-calling.”
“i’m looking forward to it,” you teased, rolling your eyes at him. sometimes pushing tom was fun. tom shot you a glare, and you smiled to yourself as you sat back down.
“weather is crazy, huh?” tom observed. “i’m not the biggest fan of big storms like this.”
you looked over at him, noticing the concern on his face.
“i think they’re fun, i absolutely love just sitting at the window, and watching rain,” you confessed. the two of you were looking at each other, the only noise was the rain outside the trailer. your heart was beating so hard, you were certain tom could hear it. just the two of you, alone in a trailer. nothing new, yet something felt wildly different this time. perhaps it was tom’s vulnerability due to the storm happening outside.
the feelings you were marinating in were disrupted by the trailer doors being opened, and the makeup artists walking in.
“so sorry we’re late, the storm is insane,” one of them apologized.
“no need to be sorry, tanya, we’re just glad you got here safely,” you replied. tom nodded his head in agreement, and they started to work their magic on the two of you. while in the makeup chair, you and tom decided at the beginning of filming that you would switch who plays the music every day. so, your day to play the music was today, and even though the two of you agreed on this, tom complained.
“why can’t i just play the music today? you always play the same songs,” he whined. you rolled your eyes at him, trying to ignore him.
“oh god not taylor swift again!” tom groaned. you loved that even though you were the one who was perceived as dramatic, tom was actually the diva.
“tom, shut up,” you said back. “you are so annoying when it comes to this shit.”
you looked over at him, and he was looking at you. his eyes sparkled in the light, and you felt your stomach flutter at the way he stared you down. you looked away, staring back down at your phone to try and recover.
a few moments passed, and the two of you were done with hair and makeup. now was the real challenge, getting to the set during the insane storm.
“where’s the umbrella, tom?” you asked while you looked around.
“i have no idea,” he answered. you looked up and glared at him.
“didn’t you bring it over here? i could’ve sworn you were holding one when we walked here twenty minutes ago,” you mocked. tom smiled.
“it’s right here, i’m just messing with you,” he replied.
“you’re so annoying,” you remarked.
you grabbed your script and the matcha, then made your way over, talking about the scenes you were shooting today. this was something the two of you did almost every day, you liked to rehearse your lines before getting on the stage. when the two of you arrived, you set down your script, but kept drinking your matcha as you and tom started blocking. this was something you did before every scene, and was what made your days so long. you had to work out every detail of the scene you’d be filming before actually filming it; which was time-consuming, and sometimes frustrating. you and tom were set up at a table for this scene, sitting across from one another.
“y/n, if you could just move your head more towards the right, we’d get a better shot,” the director called out. so you did, and in doing so, your hand moved with you, and knocked the matcha off the table.
“oh shit,” you said, looking back at the director with an apologetic face. “i’ll clean it up, don’t even worry!”
tom sat across from you, laughing at you as you scooped the ice off the ground, and put it back into your cup.
“that doesn’t sound good,” the director replied.
“no, don’t even worry! i’m totally cleaning this up, it’s gonna be spotless,” you breathed out. you were extremely worried, though. the green liquid covered the floor of the diner set that was built. tom eventually started helping you.
“this is ridiculous, y/n, you can’t scoop the liquid with your hands,” he observed. “let’s go get some paper towels, okay?”
you looked up at him with watery eyes, you were worried that you had just ruined a set that took a while to build.
“okay,” you agreed. the director walked up to the two of you, looking at the spilled drink then back at you.
“i’d think paper towels would be more helpful than your hands, y/n,” he joked. “don’t you think?”
you nodded, “yes, tom and i will be right back with those.”
you and tom walked in silence over to the supplies closet, where they kept the paper towels.
“so embarrassing,” you let out under your breath.
“what was that?” tom asked. he opened the door to the closet, and turned the light on. the closet was huge, so both of you went in to look for the paper towels.
“it’s so embarrassing, doing that in front of everyone,” you admitted. “i shouldn’t have had my drink there.”
tom scoffed, “oh please, we all bring our drinks with us when we’re blocking, anyone could’ve done that!”
you nodded in agreement, uncertain of your voice at the moment, so you opted to stay silent. the lights started flickering right as you found the paper towels.
“that was weird,” tom announced.
“yeah, that was weird,” you replied.
the lights flickered again, and within seconds you were in pitch black.
“wow,” you let out. “tom, where are you?”
“i’m right here,” he said. you laughed, because you thought it was a ridiculous answer. you put your arms out, and tried to walk towards him.
“do you have your phone? i need a flashlight,” you asked.
“no, i left it out there,” he replied.
“shit, me too,” you noted. “put your arms out, i can’t find you.”
“okay,” he said. you walked for a few seconds, then ran into him.
“there you are,” you commented.
“here i am,” he said. the two of you were standing so close, his hot breath was felt on your face. your eyes started to adjust to the darkness, and you could see his features now. you could see his lips. oh my god, you could almost feel his body against yours. you felt butterflies in your stomach as you realized just how close he was to you. you could just touch him, you thought. you could, you really could just grab his face, and kiss him. right here, right now.
“should we try looking for the door?” you asked out loud. the silence was killing you, you had to escape it. tom stood still, breathing harder with every second. “tom?”
“you talk too much, you know that?” he breathed out. you were so taken aback by that statement, your breath grew shaky. “every time i try to make a move, you talk. you just-you talk too much.”
you stood there, in the dark, in absolutely disbelief.
“oh,” you let out. you didn’t know what to do, you were frozen. your eyes were completely adjusted now, and you could see tom more clearly. his face, his arms, his hands, everything. his hands moved up your body, starting at your hips then making their way to your face. you brought your hands around his neck, you were breathing so hard you felt as if you could pass out.
“you are so beautiful, y/n,” he revealed. “so fucking beautiful.”
you smiled, although you weren’t sure he could see that. your hands moved to his face, you cupped his cheeks into your hands. tom moved his face closer to yours, cupping your cheeks as well. he placed his lips onto yours, then started to kiss you. like, really kiss you. not a cute, little peck that you would see in the movies. a rough, passionate kiss. the kiss you had been waiting for all this time. one of his hands dropped to your lower back, and he pushed your body onto his. your hands started to move under his shirt, as your tongues started to swirl together. your cheeks flushed as the warmth of his tongue and body encapsulated you. his hand moved off your cheek, and started to move under your shirt to take it off.
the door abruptly opened, and a bright flashlight made you and tom move your hands up to your face. your bodies broke apart, but the damage was done.
“tom, y/n, we need you back on set, they’re about to turn on the generator,” one of your costars said. “oh, don’t forget the paper towels.” they started laughing, as well as both you and tom.
the three of you walked back, and you wiped your mouth, then looked at tom. he smiled at you, then put his hand around your waist.
you leaned into him, then whispered, “we’ll have to finish that later.”
he shook his head in agreement, “okay, diva.”
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