#also mind you I have OVER A MONTH and still I’ve missed the boat for a few spots

[whiskeyswifty]

The way I’ve battled the Taylor AND Beyoncé ticket wars multiple times (and won each time!) but they all pale in comparison to attempting to get a Saturday night reservation for dinner in this fucking city. In the village no less, like this might be what breaks me.

[my-darling-boy]

(TW injury description)

I am SO glad you asked I lose my mind over this man. Sidney Beldam! He’s most known for his miraculous recovery from a major facial injury sustained while he served as a young sergeant in the First World War. If you’ve read the Facemaker by Lindsay Fitzharris you might recognise him! Sources differ slightly about his story, so I’ve pieced it together as best I could. The photos below were from about February 1919!

Born in 1897, Sidney was about 17 living with his mother in Cambridge, England when the Great War commenced. While he didn’t enlist initially, he was soon conscripted when it came about in 1916 though thankfully he was in a non-combatant role driving lorries transporting soldiers to boats headed for France. It’s where he learned he enjoyed driving! However in April 1917, Sidney was transferred to the Machine Gun Corps and eventually rose to the rank of sergeant where only 7 months later, his life would change forever.

During the battle of Passchendaele, one of the muddiest most gruelling segments of the war, Sidney was on the frontlines when a shell burst, sending a shrapnel fragment tearing diagonally through his nose and the right side of his face. The young soldier collapsed face first into the mud which ended up saving his life as falling backwards would have caused him to choke on his own blood. For three days Sidney laid in a mangled heap floating in and out of consciousness while vermin scurried about his body and the other dead and wounded around him. No one would ever know the details of those agonising three days, but the trauma he experienced there left him with a lifelong phobia of rats and cockroaches. After the initial wounded had been cleared out, a wandering band of stretcher bearers discovered Sidney alive after one man touched him with his boot fully expecting him to be dead. Miraculously, he was still clinging to life.

The 19 year old sergeant was rushed down the line and then transferred to two different military hospitals where his wounds were hastily stitched in an effort to save his life before infection could spread. Unfortunately, closing the gap where he was missing flesh in his cheek caused his upper lip to be pulled into a sneer and a sunken depression formed where most of his nose was missing around the bridge. Still, he was lucky to be alive, which he later used to remark. Well he was luckier still as he would be transferred to Sidcup military hospital in Kent where he would become a patient under Sir Harold Gillies, the man often considered the pioneer of modern plastic surgery. When he arrived at hospital in 1918, his wounds were healed but his face still bore the heavy trauma of his experience. If you want to see his photographs upon arrival, I won’t post them here but if you search his name, the photos are everywhere. IMO they’re not graphic but I know it can upset some people.

Gillies went to work trying to restore Sidney’s face. This required him to reopen the wound in his cheek where a skin flap was grafted to allow his upper lip to return to normal. He also folded down a skin flap from his forehead in order to create a new nose. Behind his facade, a series of tubes and canals had to be inserted for proper sinus drainage and other unnamed functions. While his initial handful of surgeries did most of the work to reconstruct his face, Sidney underwent over 40 surgeries between 1918 and the 1930s, some reconstructive and some to evacuate the tubes behind the flesh, meaning the common cold was a routinely painful affliction for him. Gillies understood operations were traumatic for the men at Sidcup, especially since most required more than one, and so made a point about creating a lighthearted ward environment, one Sidney says was quite jolly with the staff doing everything they could to make them feel comfortable and dignified as possible. And while I thought the topmost photos were the most updated case study photos for his recovery, I stumbled upon another set from 1920 in the Faces of War by Andrew Bamji I have not seen posted anywhere!

And lads listen. In such a sweet little twist, while Sidney was still recovering from the bulk of his major surgeries, a local pianist by the name of Winifred volunteered to play for the resting servicemen, all of whom had some form of disfigurment or amputation. Carrying in her sheet music, she and Sidney laid eyes on each other for the first time and she later remarked how his smile instantly lit up the whole room! For them, it was love at first sight. The two were soon married, and although it was in the 1920s, I don’t have an exact year for this. This most likely came after Sidney was finally discharged from service in 1921. There is a photo of their wedding and y’all look how SWEET!!

Between his initial surgeries and army discharge, Gillies asked if Sidney would be his personal chauffeur, an offer he took up quickly as he loved driving from his time with lorries during the war. One somewhat humorous account tells of Gillies—who was a bit scattered at times—asking Sidney to renew his driver’s license as the surgeon left it until the last day to take care of; Sidney in a rush waited in a long line at the county hall before jumping the queue and begging the administrator to expedite his employer’s license as it was needed to drive him to the hospital the next day. The man refused, even for a surgeon to get him to his patients. Sidney went to another staff member who was friends with Gillies and begged him the same. The man cheerily agreed but was still in need of a signature from the stubborn administrator who again refused... at least until he found out Harold Gillies nearly won a golfing championship, at which point he took Sidney to his personal office to expedite the license as he was happy to do business for a skilled golfer (apparently saving people’s lives doesn’t matter as much??). A no doubt perplexed Sidney was finally able to get back to the hospital on time!

After his army discharge and most likely about the time of his marriage, Sidney moved back to Cambridge where he worked for the council as a rent collector. He was so well liked, apparently even from the people he collected from, that he soon worked his way to Housing Manager for Cambridge. About this time, he had a daughter, Pam. Every account I read of him, people gush about how sweet he was. His wife recalls how Sidney was always adored by all his family and friends. His granddaughter Marilyn McInnes in an interview said, “He was the most warm and optimistic and loving man. I adored my grandfather, I was constantly on his lap as a small child. I never noticed anything funny about his face, I guess I thought all grandads looked like mine.”

Sadly, Sidney Beldam passed away from cancer at about 80 years old in 1978. But considering the man was given 6 months to live and ended up living for 60 years more surrounded by a large and loving family, I’d say he certainly had a full life. There is a picture of him and his wife in the 60s and they are absolutely charming!!

But anyway that’s me done rambling I’ve a massive crush on him. His story makes me genuinely happy to tell and I’m so glad you asked!

[nellsfutbol]

Truth (Leah Williamson x Reader)

Being a lioness was a dream, being able to play for your country was a dream, playing for Arsenal was a dream but being in love with Leah Williamson was at the top of that list. She was easy to fall for, that's why just months after your shocking transfer from Manchester United to Arsenal, you decided to make the first move. Awkwardly asking Leah on a date after a hard training session definitely wasn’t what you had in mind but after seeing her sweet smile, you knew you made the right choice, you also knew you were going to protect this new found relationship with your life. You hadn’t meant to keep the relationship a secret, it just kind of happened after your first date, you and Leah both agreed to keep it between yourselves to see where it was going.  After a year of dating, still only your families knew, it’s not that you and Leah don’t want people knowing, you just both never got around to telling people assuming they already knew or figured it out.

You were currently travelling to camp, unfortunately separate to Leah and the other arsenal girls as you had gone to see your family the day before camp was meant to start. Rush-hour traffic was definitely starting to get on your nerves as you began nearing to camp stuck in masses of cars.

Arriving at camp about an hour later, everyone was crowding around in the lobby greeting each other and waiting for Sarina to come and announce the rooms for this camp. Sluggishly walking towards Leah, waving towards the girls as you walked past.

‘Look who's finally turned up!’ Beth teased, wrapping you in a tight embrace, ‘alright Meado, you saw me a day ago,’ you chuckled lightly pulling out of her embrace.

‘Hello, sweet girl.’ A familiar voice spoke behind you before pulling you into her, turning in her embrace you replied ‘Hi Lee, I’ve missed you.’ Leah’s arms around you tightened, ‘I missed you too.’

‘You missed her but not me, Y/N  you wounded me, I can’t believe this,’ Beth pouted behind us, turning quickly, ‘I’ll make it up to you, Beffy!’ you bargained while lightly tapping her cheek.

‘Hello girls,’ a dutch accent called out in front of us, all of you turning to look, ‘I hope you all had a safe trip over, I will be putting the list of roommates on the wall over here, keys are at the main desk, remember dinner's at 6 and we will be having team bonding tonight the games room, everyone go have some rest before coming down for dinner, I’ll see you later.’ Sarina stated while sticking the list of roommates on the wall next to the reception desk.

Slowly walking over to the list of roommates, you skimmed over the list looking for your name which was found next to Lucy Bronze, quickly searching for Leah’s name as well you find her next to her regular roommate Georgia Stanway.

Saying a quick goodbye to the arsenal girls, you find Lucy who already had the key waiting for you, ‘If it isn't Y/N Y/L/N.’ Lucy inquired with a devious look in her eye, ‘Well if it isn't Lucy Bronze, thought you would still be following keira around like a lost puppy,’ you replied with an equally devious look.

‘I see the way you look at skipper Y/L/N, I think we’re in the same boat,’ Lucy smirked, ‘oh shut up,’ you replied burning red.

‘Come on let’s get moving I want a nap before dinner’ the pair of you laugh before catching up on what’s been happening in your lives before reaching your room. Both of you flopping onto your respectable beds before passing out.

Waking up in time for dinner, you and Lucy walk down together quietly chatting before splitting up to go to your different tables, seeing a seat saved for you next to Leah, you pick up your pace plonking yourself down digging into some food. The table chatting quietly between yourselves about random things before deciding to start going to the games room for team bonding.

You tugged Leah’s arm signalling her to stay behind, ‘hello captain’ you quietly spoke before leaning up towards her, pressing her lips to yours, you stayed in a loving embrace before slowly pulling away once air was necessary. ‘I’ve been wanting to do that for days, it's been lonely without you!’ Leah exclaimed. ‘I know Lee, so have I, you have me all to yourself now.’ you replied joking towards the end. ‘Hmm I like the sound of that,’ Leah laughs, ‘come on, let's not leave them waiting.’

‘I have decided for all of us that we should play truth or dare, any questions? No? Let's get started.’ Rach Daly exclaims as you enter the room, pulling out a bottle from behind her back.

Once you were all sat in a circle, Rach spun the bottle which landed on Ella who decided to pick ‘dare’, which ended up with Ella attempting to hold a headstand and balance said bottle on her feet. A couple more rounds went by before Beth spun the bottle which landed on you.

‘So Y/N truth or dare.’

‘Truth.’

‘Who is the best person you have ever kissed?’ Beth smirked.

‘Oh definitely Leah.’

‘WHAT?’ basically the whole room exclaimed, with a couple of ‘I KNEW IT’ thrown in there.

You and Leah looked at each other confused.

‘What?’ you both repeat.

‘YOU TWO HAVE KISSED?’ Beth howled.

‘Well, yeah that’s what you do when you're dating someone.’ you say back extremely confused.

‘YOU’RE DATING?’

‘SINCE WHEN?’

‘LEAH YOU DIDN’T TELL ME.’

‘You mean you guys didn't know?’ Leah said, wearing the same confused expression as you.

‘I kind of just thought that you two were extremely close.’ Beth exclaimed.

‘Beth, we live together and you literally saw us kiss right in front of you.’ you replied.

‘Well how was I meant to know?’

(this was my first fic let me know what you think, thanks)

[lanitalay]

One Day : Chapter 2

Azriel x reader

warnings: none

Word count: 1.5k

Masterlist

“I can’t believe we get to be on the boat this year!” Bec was giddy that you had been invited to the High Lord’s Summer Solstice party. Talking about it nonstop since you told her.

“It’s not that big of a deal Bec, relax.” She threw a pillow at you “it is a big deal! We would never be going if the Shadowsinger didn’t invite us.” You smile as she mentions Azriel. He had been gone for a month on a mission and you were dying to see him again. “I can’t believe you still haven’t hooked up with him.” 

“Like it's inevitable?” Bec laughs and continues to apply her cosmetics “I think it’s inevitable for you guys, I’ve seen how he looks at you.”

“And I’ve seen how he looks at Mor.” You recall all of the times in the last year you caught Azriel staring at her, a longing, faraway look in his eyes. “Mor?” 

“You’ll meet her today, she’s lovely and Az is totally in love with her.” Bec glanced at you from the corner of her eye, not believing a word. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

The boat was massive. It stood four stories high. The first floor had many seating options, the second was where all of the food was, the third was a fully stocked bar and the fourth was an open air dance floor, complete with a band that would accompany the party all day. “I’m going to find Azriel, '' you informed Bec, who nodded and told you she would get a drink for the two of you.

You climbed the stairs, not having a clue where the Spymaster might be, when a pair of giant hands landed on your shoulders. “Y/n! Az is gonna be so happy to see you!” Cassian then pulled you in for a hug, nearly collapsing your lungs from the force. “Hi Cas, where is he anyway?” He pulled away and motioned for you to follow him. “How is your shoulder doing?” Rotating his arm to show you the improved mobility he says “good as new.” 

You are never surprised by him, or his injuries, but the way he seems to not care what comes his way boggles your mind. Like he enjoys showing off a new injury. Maybe it’s an Ilyrian thing. You walk up the stairs and it takes longer than it should to reach the bar since every two steps someone stops Cassian to say hello. Then you finally see him. Inky black hair and huge wings allow you to spot him easily. “There she is!” Bec waves you over and Azriel turns around to see you walking up. He smiles when he sees you running up to him, not wanting to wait a second more to hug him. 

His laugh wraps around you as his arms do. You pull away and frown at a line going down his cheekbone. “What happened there?” He doesn’t have to look to know what you’re asking about. “Just a scratch.” You narrow your eyes at him, sensing the lie. Just as you are about to scold him for being careless and for not using the healing ointments you give him, Rhysand appears with two bottles of sparkling wine and the party officially begins.  

You are dancing with Bec when a blonde joins you. “Bec, this is Mor. Mor this is Bec,”  you introduce the two and Bec, having gotten two drinks ahead of you blurts out “holy shit you’re stunning.” Mor laughs and you widen your eyes at your friend, trying to tell her to chill out. “Thank you, how have you been y/n? It's been months since you’ve been to the house” she’s swaying her hips to the music. Her hair catches the sun like a golden grown. Of course Azriel would pine for her, it was impossible not to. 

“I’ve been good. There was an outbreak in one of the schools by the Rainbow so I’ve been handling that while Madja attends to our regular patients.” Mor nods, “we’ve missed you. Come by whenever you’re free” she glances at Bec “you can bring her too, she seems fun.” Pink heat rushes to her cheeks as she blushes, also falling for the allure that is Morrigan. 

You're standing by the railing and looking to the Sidra, people on the shore as the Sun begins to set. Sweat had dried and left a sticky coat on your skin. Hours passed by on the dance floor and you did not notice. You breathe deep and a familiar midnight mist alerts you to Azriel approaching. 

“Tired so soon?” You chuckle “I’m just taking a break, I think Bec is trying to kill me.” She’s still dancing. Hadn’t stopped for more than a few seconds to sip whatever drink she was handed. To your surprise Mor still danced with her. “They seem to be having fun together.”

“Bec knows how to have a good time.”

“Happy anniversary.”

“Hm?”

“We met exactly one year ago today, remember?” You shake your head. “We actually met the day after Summer Solstice. It was way past midnight when we got to Rita’s.”

“That’s a technicality.”

“I’m grateful we met.” Over the music you didn’t notice that once again, his heart skipped a beat. “Me too.” You sidestepped until your arm brushed against his and leaned your head on his shoulder.  “You never told me how the date with the scribe went.” You groaned, hiding your face in his shirt. “I never told you for good reason, it was awful.”

His chest shook with a laugh “what made it so bad?” 

“Well after lunch he took me to the archives and I thought it was to make out but no. He gave me a tour and showed me the research on volcanic rocks he was developing. After an hour of listening to him drone on and on I left. Haven’t heard from him since.”

“Sounds like last Summer Solstice was the best date you’ve been on.” He laughed when you smacked him. “That was not a date, Azriel. It was a failed one night stand.”

“It only failed because you stopped it.” 

“You were having a panic attack!”

“So?”

“You’re ridiculous. Even if I put a stop to it that night you never tried to make it happen again.” Azriel turns his head to face you. “You’re not serious.” 

“What?”

“Why do you think I kept inviting you out?” 

“You mean to have dinner with Cassian, Rhys, Amren and Mor?”

“Yes.”

“I thought it was your way of friendzoning me.” His jaw slackened. “Well you were wrong.” 

“Let me get this straight, when I thought you were trying to gently reject me you were actually trying to woo me, or something?” 

“I guess so.”

You burst out laughing. “Az, sweetheart, you need to step up your game if you want to have a love life.” 

His head lowered close to yours “do you want me to take you out on a proper date then?”

You stay laughing and in between breaths say “gods no, we are better as friends. I meant for future reference.” 

“Ah, understood.” 

“Let’s dance!” Grabbing his hand you pull him back to the dance floor where the rest of the group was. 

“You’re wrong,” Bec startles you by wrapping an arm around your shoulders while you wait for your drink at the bar. “About?” She looks around to confirm the coast is clear “Azriel does not have a thing for Mor, at least not anymore.” You roll your eyes. Of course she would come to an incorrect conclusion after a day. You spent the last year getting to know the Inner Circle and knew, for a fact, that Azriel had feelings for her.

“How would you know?” 

“I just do…” she stole your drink and disappeared into the crowd.

After the ship docked everyone aboard rushed out, eager to continue the party on the streets. But you were moving much slower, because clinging to your side like her life depended on it was Bec. 

“Let me help you.” A sigh of relief escaped your lips as Azriel carried your mostly black out friend for you. “Thanks, Az.”

After Bec was snuggled up to a bucket on your couch you walked Azriel to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You forgot for a moment that Rhysand had scheduled a meeting with you in the House of Wind and Azriel offered to fly you. “Oh, right, yes. I can meet you at a cafe if you want to grab a bite before.” 

“That sounds great, I like the one just down the street. With the peach tarts?” 

“That’s a good one, I’ll see you then.” You pull him in for a quick hug. 

Before he lunges for the sky he winks at you “it's a date.”

[truthfulpoint]

Sex on the Beach

Slowly, but surely, this cruise was turning into a disaster. I had booked the trip to celebrate my recent tenure as a professor and also to spend some time with Jessica after long months of being cooped up with my research. Now the paper was submitted, and the initial reviews were very promising.

The boat was beautiful and the crew had great attention to detail. The food was fantastic and the other people on the boat seemed pretty nice for the most part. They were obviously way richer than me and Jessica were. I had basically used all the money from the research award I won for my last major paper to pay for the trip.

But somehow Jessica was in a foul mood. She stayed on deck with a book most of the time and didn’t partake in many of the activities that the crew organized for their guests. There, she was usually joined by a man of about 50 or so years by the name of John. John was constantly on his phone or hacking into a laptop and hardly seemed to notice the beautiful surroundings of the Greek islands.

John’s wife Veronica was much younger than her husband was, I guessed about 34 or 35. She had to look of a typical trophy wife with lots of time for manicures, pedicures, Pilates and appointments at the hairdresser. Initially that had put me off, but when I chatted with her, I was actually surprised that I quite enjoyed her company. She was a physical therapist and worked part time in an institution for children that needed rehabilitation after accidents. They apparently didn’t need the money, judging by his watches, John seemed to be richer than God, but it gave her a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

As we both were often flying solo for the group activities, we naturally gravitated towards each other. We chatted a lot over the first few days of the trip and got to know each other pretty well.

———-

One evening, after another delicious dinner on the beach, Jessica got up and said: “ I’m tired. I’ll go to bed. Don’t come too late, please. And don’t drink so much wine, it makes you snore.”

“ yes ma’am” I snapped, in an effort to lighten the mood. But Jessica just glared at me.

Embarrassed and angry, I turned to my glass of wine. What was going on? Why was Jessica so angry with me?

“Another evening all by our lonesome?” said Veronica as she walked over from the table where she had been sitting. She seemed a little tipsy.

“Yep. You too?”

“Yes. He’s already back on that damn computer.”

Maybe more than just a little…

She took a big gulp out of her wine glass.

“ I’m sorry”

“ You don’t need to be sorry. He should be!”

Another big gulp. Veronica seemed angry and determined to get very drunk.

“ He used to be different. He was always a hard worker, but when we were dating, he somehow always managed to find the time for a weekend away or a fancy restaurant.”

Another gulp finished the glass. One of the stewards quickly came by and filled it up again.

“ Now he seems married to his work. Some evenings he doesn’t even come home.”

Half the glass gone again.

“Or maybe he’s fucking his secretary. I don’t know. But I couldn’t care less. It’s not like I’m missing out on much.”

Ouch. Low blow.

“I mean, for real, he couldn’t even get it up without the little blue pills on the best of days. And now he’s so absent-minded with me, that he probably couldn’t tell my butt from my boobs”

Oh man. This woman was angry.

“ Well, why are you still with him?”

“ I don’t know. I guess it’s comfortable. I have to admit that I’ve gotten used to the finer things in life. He also donates a ton of money to the children’s rehab center where I work. That would probably dry up if we get divorced. And that would really suck.”

“Hmmm...” I didn’t really know what to say. “We should probably get to bed.”

She chugged her drink. She was very drunk now.

“Can I stay with you tonight? You’re cute.”

“I think you should return to your cabin and sleep it off, Veronica. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, Adam. Sweet dreams”

Walking over the beach back to the boat, I couldn’t get Veronica’s words out of my head - “you’re cute”. She was more than cute. She was beautiful. And the more time I spent with her, the more I felt myself drawn to here.

That night, I did not sleep well. I tossed and turned, awaking often. Every time I woke up, my thoughts immediately returned to Veronica.

———-

The next morning, Veronica showed up to breakfast with a pair of large dark sunglasses and washed down three aspirin with her green tea.

———

Later that day, we had a guided tour of some ancient ruins. Of course, Jessica and John stayed on the boat. During the tour Veronica motioned me to stay back a little.

She hooked her arm under mine and started talking. “Hey Adam. About last night. I think I said a lot of stupid stuff. I was angry and a little drunk. Can we keep this to ourselves?”

“Of course “

“ I mean, I didn’t really mean it. At least most of it.”

“Which part did you mean?”

She squirmed a little and laughed nervously.

“well, I seem to remember that I might have mentioned that I thought you were cute? That part’s actually true”

“I’m flattered. I don’t often get compliments from drunk married women.”

“Now you’re being mean. I just repeated it, and I’m totally sober. Just very hung over.” She laughed and pulled herself closer to me, holding on to my arm.

I have to admit, it felt good to be complimented by a beautiful woman. I suddenly noticed how much I missed being touched. Things between Jessica and me had been pretty cooled down for a while now.

I brushed the thought aside, and we rejoined the group.

————-

The the next day was a beach day. We all chilled under the parasols and pavilions the crew had set up and enjoyed piña coladas and watermelons.

Veronica wore a white bikini that I hadn’t seen yet. After a week under the Mediterranean sun, she was quite tanned, and the white bikini complimented her bronze skin. When she went for a swim and came back out of the water, I had flashbacks of Ursula Endres coming out of the water in that James Bond movie. Hot!

I also went for a swim, but pretty soon had to stop because my shoulder and neck started to hurt. When I came out of the water, I was massaging my neck and wincing with pain. Veronica noticed me.

“What’s the matter? Hurt yourself?”

“ I don’t know. I went for a swim, and I had this strong pain going from my neck to my shoulder.”

“Want me to take a look at it? You’re a little bigger than my normal patients, but the basic mechanics are the same.”

“Sure, thank you!”

She sat me down on the edge of one of the deck chairs and started to examine my neck and shoulders with her hands. Admittedly, I quite enjoyed that. Probably more than I should.

She manipulated my arm and shoulder and stroked different muscles in my neck. The pain started to ease a little, but I hoped she would keep going for a little while longer.

“You are very tense. Probably from all that work hunched over a computer. I can show you some exercises that should help your neck and shoulder mobility”

For some reason, her hand was still resting on my pectoral muscle. I looked at it and she withdrew it, however, not without lightly brushing over my nipple in the process. I felt my nipple harden and blood rushing to my groin. She noticed it too, and gave me a little smile.

———

In the afternoon we were back on the boat. I was heading to the bathroom, which happened to be in a very tight corner of the upper deck. As walked I towards the door, it opened and Veronica emerged. The entry was so tight that we couldn’t avoid brushing against each other. As we were both still in swim clothes, a lot of skin touched. I had the impression that neither of us tried to minimize that contact.

————

That night I woke from a dream. I didn’t remember any details, but I clearly had the searing image of Veronica in her white bikini in my head. I was sporting a capital boner.

Jessica was sleeping next to me. I glanced over at her and then started to masturbate. I closed my eyes and imagined Veronica in her white bikini coming towards me. Taking the bikini off and giving me a free view of her perfect boobs. Cut. Veronica, reaching for my boner. Cut. Veronica rubbing my cock with her perfectly manicured hands. Cut. Veronicas mouth closing around the head of my cock. Cut. Veronica giving me a sloppy blowjob. Cut. Veronica turning around, spreading her butt cheeks and whispering “ I want you to fuck me in the ass” Cut. My dick in Veronica’s ass. Cut. My dick pumping cum into Veronica’s ass.

With that image, I came. Hard. Cum rained on my stomach and my chest. My cock twitched and a pool of cum gathered on my belly.

Jessica raised her head. “ what’s going on?” She asked sleepily.

“Nothing. I just had a vivid dream and moved around. Go back to sleep.”

I got up and went to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up with a towel and looked at myself in the mirror, slightly embarrassed. Not only had I fantasized about a married woman. While my girlfriend was laying next to me. Also, I had never been into anal sex, but that fantasy sent me right over the edge. I wasn’t sure that I could look Veronica in the eye tomorrow.

—————

As luck would have it, Veronica joined us at our breakfast table the next morning. I had the impression that Jessica didn’t like Veronica particularly well. But I decided to ignore it.

I grinned at her sheepishly and tried to make the most boring conversation ever. She looked at me puzzled.

“Final day in paradise, huh?”

“Yeah I can’t believe the 10 days are already over”

“ Well, Adam, it was very nice to get to know you and for you to keep me such good company during the excursions”

What was she doing? Jessica was sitting right next to us.

“Uhm, yeah. There were quite a few nice people on this boat.” I tried to downplay and defuse the situation.

“Yes, but very few as nice and gentle…manlike as you. I hope to see you later!”

And with that, she walked away, swaying her hips just a little too much for Jessica not to notice.

———-

When we got to our cabin, I could sense that Jessica was fuming. We had hardly closed the door when she went at me:

“ What was that bimbo all about? Thanks for keeping me such good company? Nice and gentle? What the fuck?”

I didn’t know what to say. “Hey, Veronica is not a bimbo, she’s actually pretty nice”

“Yeah seems like it. More than nice from what I can see”

Well, that maybe wasn’t the best thing to start with.

“What do you expect me to do? You never wanted to come to these activities. Most of the other guests went as couple, so obviously the two people abandoned by the partners kind of stuck together.”

Not helping things…

“I didn’t abandon you. I just wasn’t feeling like doing these stupid excursions anyway. This entire trip was all about you, and your fancy research award. Look, I’m Adam, the neuroscience hot shot.”

Ouch.

“Baby, where is this coming from? I booked this trip for us!”

“You booked this trip for you!”

“I’m sorry you’re not having a good time. What can I do?”

“I don’t know. I need some space”

“Ok baby. No problem. I’ll go and come find you later”

“No, I mean more permanently. I think I don’t want you in my life, at least for a while”

“Baby, what the hell?”

“When we get back to London, I think I will stay with my sister for a while”

I was dumbstruck. Without another word, I turned around and left the cabin.

On deck, I ran into Veronica.

“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost. Everything ok?”

“No everything is not OK! Jessica and I just broke up.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that!”

“You’re sorry? You’re part of the reason! If you hadn’t done your little show this morning, none of this would’ve happened!”

“Is that so? Well, if you ask me, your relationship has to be in a pretty bad place if one tiny flirt manages to break it”

She probably had a point, but I was not willing to admit that just yet.

“Stay away from me.”

—————-

Lunch was on the beach that day again. For me it was a sad affair, as I sat alone, sulking in a corner.

Veronica came up to me.

“Can we talk?”

“Hm, okay”

“I’m sorry about this morning. I shouldn’t have done that. Even if I stay by my point that such a stunt could never derail a healthy relationship “

“Yeah, you’re probably right “

“The fact of the matter is that I see us as mirror images. Both stuck in sorta crappy relationships. And…”

“What and?”

“Nevermind. Why were you looking at me so funny this morning?”

“Nevermind”

“You tell me your’s, I tell you mine…”

“Okay, okay. But you go first.”

“Ok, here goes. I thought we were both stuck in sucky relationships. And that I would much rather be with someone like you. Well, you specifically.”

“Oh, wow!”

“Yeah, I know. It’s confusing. I probably have to sleep on this a bit. But I definitely have a bad crush on you.”

She blushed. “Now tell me your’s”

“Ok, whatever. I had a dream about you “

“A sex dream?”

“Uhm, yup” I blushed.

“Was it good?”

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“Did we make out? Did we sleep together?”

“Well, sort of”

“Did you cum in your dream?”

“No, not in the dream”

“What do you mean, not in the dream”

I squirmed under the interrogation. “Well, afterwards “

“Afterwards? What do you mean? Did you jack off thinking of me?”

My head was probably red as a tomato now. “Hm, yeah, kind of”

“Oh, wow. I don’t know whether to be offended or flattered… but it is kind of hot to think that I make you horny.” She giggled.

“It was just a dream! These things happen all the time!”

“Well, why don’t we try if was really ‘just a dream’?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come with me”

She took my hand and we walked away from the tables to a small secluded bay behind some rocks. Veronica undid the Pareo she had been wearing and spread it on the sand. Underneath, she wore that bedeviled white bikini.

“Adam, I am so sorry. I’ve been a bad girl”

“Wait, what?”

“I’ve been really bad. I think I deserve some punishment “

“Are you kidding me?”

“No Adam. You need to show me my place”

With that, she walked up to me and pinched my nipple.

“Ouch”

“Oh, so sorry. Let me make it better.”

She stepped up to me, pressed her body against me and started gently licking the pinched nipple. A familiar tingling traveled from there up and down my spine. Blood rushed to my groin. I gave in.

“You are right, you have been bad” I said with a raspy voice.

“Yes Adam”

“But I don’t believe in punishment.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I believe in showing the right way” With that I grabbed her hair and started gently, but firmly pulling it down. Her face came up, and I started kissing her greedily. I kissed her mouth, her chin, her neck. Her breathing accelerated.

I let go of her hair and unclasped her bikini top. Her tits sprang free. Glorious, glorious tits. I pinched one of her nipples. Pretty hard.

“A little payback”

She gasped from the mixture of pleasure and pain.

She untied the string of my shorts and let my cock spring free. She wrapped her hand around its base and started stroking. I had a flashback to my dream. This was just like it, but a million times better.

She kneeled down and put my cock in her mouth. Pretty soon, she was giving me a deep, sloppy blowjob.

I needed more. I needed her. I pulled her up. I turned her around and bent her over one of the nearby rocks. Her hips and ass swayed in front of the cock glistening from her saliva. I grabbed her round ass and pushed myself inside her. Her pussy was soaking wet and my dick slid in and out with ease. I started to thrust into her. All the pent up anger and frustration over the trip, the breakup, about Jessica went into my pushes. I fucked her hard.

“Yes, yes, yes” - little screams of pleasure came out of her mouth

“Is this just like your dream?”

“Almost” I gasped between to panting breaths.

“What’s different?”

“In the dream I was fucking your ass”

“Oh, do you want to do that?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never really done it. “

She bent over a little further, put her hands on her butt cheeks, and spread them a little.

“Adam, I want you to fuck me in the ass”

I was stunned. What was happening?

I pulled my cock out of her pussy. It twitched and glistened from her juices. I hesitated. Veronica reached around and placed the tip of my cock on her anus.

“Come on! Take me just like in your dream!”

I pushed forward. My glistening tip, lubricated with her juices pushed past the initial resistance. I heard Veronica take in a sharp breath, as she adjusted to the new sensation. I started to slowly push into her. The sensation was phenomenal. I started moving back and forth. Feeling her tight muscles gripping my cock, hearing her heavy breaths, and seeing my dick disappear inside her caused a rush of arousal and excitement. I realized I would come very quickly like this.

“Veronica, I don’t know how long I’ll last like this.”

“Don’t worry about it. This one’s for you”

As if her words had unlocked something, I felt my orgasm build. A powerful wave of lust and excitement washed over me and triggered my dick to explode into Veronica’s ass. She felt the pulses of my orgasm, and pushed her butt back, taking my cock all the way in. There she stayed, just lightly swaying , until she felt that my penis stopped twitching.

I pulled my dick out, panting. She got up and turned around to me. Her hand on my cheek, she kissed me sensually.

“THAT was not a dream.”

———-

After we had calmed down and gotten dressed again, we went back to our table. The steward spotted us and asked if we wanted to drink anything.

Veronica smiled: “I’ll have a Sex on the Beach, please”

[lilas]

mostly spoiler free thoughts on aville going into DT

Avi’li and Erenville get close after ENW

Avi’li is in recovery in Sharlayan for at least a month; he’s not himself, he has a hard time doing basic things without him getting tired, he’s also bored and restless and irritated with everyone around him, and he’s unpacking a lot of trauma that’s culminated over the course of the story

He escapes often to Labyrinthos just to get away from people, and he starts working regularly with Erenville as a result, at first because it’s something to do that isn’t staring into the void and feeling eternity collapse around him, but it becomes a chance for Avi’li to reconnect to nature again, to the earth and life that he fought so hard to preserve

This is the focus of Adventures in Labyrinthos, a little collection of oneshots I’ve been writing on and off; just two strangers getting to know each other, learning about each other, and bonding over their shared interests

They just click and there’s some attraction and crushing there that neither of them is keen to act on

Erenville fully believes this is a short lived thing; they both travel to far flung corners of the world for various reasons, they may never cross paths again; so he’s satisfied leaving things unspoken, enjoys the bubbly feeling for what it is now, and is fine letting it go

Avi’li isn’t interested in maintaining any romantic relationship during this time; he’s focusing on himself, he doesn’t feel quite human sometimes, he doesn’t feel capable of meeting the emotional needs of other people, much less a romantic partner where there’s a higher expectation for reciprocity

He is also in love with Yugiri, and is grappling with where he wants to take their relationship and what feels right for both of them

There is also an element of denying yourself joy as a form of punishment. Avi’li isn’t aware he’s doing this. What is he punishing himself for? I think for him, he feels guilty he’s not… happier? He’s a hero, he saved the world, he acted selflessly….but he can’t return the same joy he sees when he’s thanked or applauded or praised.

Anyway

They reunite again before DT, obviously

Avi’li is better, he’s in a much healthier place after his experiences in the ENW patches

Erenville is considering things now. He and Avi’li will be traveling together for some time, maybe it’s worth it to see where things go?

Avi’li at this point has also concluded his romance with Yugiri; he feels better for it, he misses her, he’ll always be a little in love with her, but it feels better this way

However

His love for Yugiri, him telling her that he doesn’t feel he can be in a relationship right now because of his emotional/mental state—that’s echoing in his mind every time he looks at Erenville

He’s steadfastly ignoring any feelings, but it’s hard because he likes Erenville; theirs is a friendship and a connection Avi’li desperately wants and needs in his life; I don’t think he’s ever been so in tune with someone like this before?

They kiss on the boat to Tural (the boat is free headcanon territory; still in that in between of everything I know to have happened so far, and everything to come)

It happens one evening beneath the stars, talking about nothing, and it’s spur of the moment and amazing until Avi’li ends it

Erenville confesses he likes Avi’li, wants to see where a romantic relationship could go if Avi’li would let them

But Avi’li is afraid and guilty; what if his mental health relapses? What if he hurts Erenville? What about Yugiri? If he can be with Erenville, shouldn’t he go back to Yugiri and try again with her? Doesn’t she deserve that?

So Avi’li rejects him, stating those very reasons, and Erenville is…… understanding but frustrated. What is more frustrating than being rejected not because they didn’t like you back but because of fear and guilt? Because of reluctance to try?

Anyway, this is how we’re starting DT. 😌👍 Where do they go from here? That is to be discovered during MSQ. 🫡

Their dynamics can shift, certain things can happen, anything can impact their relationship so We Will See where they end up by the end of it all. I’ll enjoy the journey no matter the outcome. 💕

[lydiaas]

No ‘cause I’ve just realized something from S1 (yes I must be the slowest person in the world).

I don’t know why, maybe it’s because the pogues have been friends since forever and from the very first minutes in the show their bond seems so great but in my mind I always associated Kie’s Kook year as something that happened in the past like a few years prior to that summer however at the very beginning of S1 they specifically say that Big John has been missing for 9 months and when later on Kiara and Pope are having that fight on the boat he says (roughly I don’t remember the exact words 🫣) “you’re trying to make it up ‘cause you feel guilty you weren’t there when his dad was gone” so it’s implied that Kie came back to the pogues just a handful of months prior to the beginning of the show, a little before that summer and it got me thinking about JJ’s “you’re picking Kie, no brainer” “We can’t do this without Kie” “what have you done to her John B?”

Pope clearly had some resentment inside that came out in that fight and if I remember correctly John B also says something about her maybe acting the way she is with him ‘cause she feels sorry, so it’s still clearly on their minds how she hasn’t been there for a while and during hard times however JJ never doubts her, he never for a second thinks of leaving her behind, he won’t allow John B to push her away again with the whole “Sarah issue” and doesn’t second guess her intentions ever. It’s something so hidden and that probably wasn’t even intentional in the storytelling but it’s one of those things that shows from the very beginning how they were so ride or die for each other. Throughout the show we always see Kie visibly annoyed at people belittling JJ, she won’t stand any shit against him and with JJ that thing about season 1 shows how it’s exactly the same from him, she’s back and she’s here to stay and she doesn’t have to take shit for her mistake.

THEY BETTER START SHOOTING S4 SOON OR I’M GONNA KEEP GOING INSANE OVER THESE THINGS!!

NO I LOVE THIS! It's one of those little things from S1 that drives me crazy as well. Now they've got the kook academy uniforms from S3, give me a Kie kook year episode in S4 😂

Not only does JJ never really hold her kook year against her it's also a line he immediately doesn't like Pope crossing in 1x08. That reaction always made me feel like JJ knew how dark of a time that was for her and felt really protective of her because of it. It's a really interesting period in jiara's relationship to contemplate. When she ghosted did he try the hardest to keep in touch? Did they actually communicate a little bit during the year? Did she confide him in?

There seem to be 2 main theories in the fandom about JJ's reaction to Kie post-kook year. The first being that it took him the longest to forgive her but once he did it was behind him and the second is that he forgave and forgot the fastest. I'm more in the latter camp personally although I think both options work.

[bthump]

Hi! I’ve just finished the manga recently, and i dug up your blog at 1am bc i was soooo into your analyses! The thing is, the latest chapters are so confusing to me, can you share some thoughts on that? Why do you think Griffith kidnapped Casca? It must be the fetus but, still. Why did he cry? Or what do you think Guts is thinking? Looking forward to your reply!

Oh my god, I think I completely missed this ask somehow, I'm sorry! I hope you see this even though it's been like a month lol.

Yeah I also find the latest chapters a little confusing, probably in part due to the new team taking over and finding their feet.

I'm going on the assumption that Griffith kidnapped Casca to keep the moonboy from wandering off when he transforms into it once a month lol, but I assume we'll find out for sure eventually. It seems like a reasonable theory for now.

I think he cried because he's feeling his own feelings. Possibly his feelings are stronger shortly after transforming back from Moonbaby, as he implies in his dialogue ("That, too, will soon disappear...") but I definitely believe his feelings are his own, and not residual feelings from Moonbaby. I mean first of all, logically, Moonbaby is happy while playing with Guts and Casca, but Griffith is crying out of a sense of "nostalgia." But also more significantly, the story just doesn't work nearly as well if Griffith's feelings really are gone and now he's feeling baby feelings instead, which just happen to mimic the feelings that have been driving the story along for 371 chapters now.

Guts seems to be pretty focused on feeling betrayed by his sword right now lol. This is probably the hardest question to answer for me, mostly because Miura is no longer writing it, so we don't get the emotional nuances he's always been amazing at. I'm sure if he was writing the last few chapters Guts' emotional state would be incredibly interesting and rewarding to delve into and try to analyze. But what we got was Guts in single-minded attack-mode, followed by Guts despairing over failing to hurt Griffith, and feeling betrayed by his sword.

Which is fine, I guess, if kind of silly in the way its been depicted so far lol. It's potentially interesting that he didn't lose himself to the armour while fighting Griffith for some reason - you'd think he would have, considering how one-dimensional his rage seemed to be in that scene, but maybe Griffith making Guts forget his "urge to kill," could factor in there? I'd like to think that if Miura was still writing the story Guts' rage would have a greater sense of emotional complexity to it, after all, like during the Hill of Swords confrontation.

And as for his feelings about his sword, I think that's meant to signify his self-doubt, given the way he views his sword as an intrinsic part of him (and the way he always reroutes more difficult feelings into simpler ones). Guts freaking out over his sword is Guts freaking out over his own abilities - physical, and maybe mental/emotional too, especially if the lack of berserk armour is a factor.

I think that at this point it seems likely that the armour is going to take over in the next few chapters, based largely on the way Guts' little emotional spiral on the boat features metaphorical breaking chains and a potential visual parallel to Griffith's transformation:

Thanks for the ask, and sorry it took so long lol.

[sxmmander]

These Violent Acts CH 12 - House of the Dragon fic

THESE VIOLENT ACTS CHAPTER 12 |  A GREAT BALL

Previous      Next

They would bow. She would make them bow.

Almost two years ago, Naenya had departed from Kings Landing. Away from her friends and family, her only constant was her personal guard, Ser Loren. Even her own dragon would disappear for extended periods of time to leave Naenya alone. In those many months, Naenya had thrust herself into the politics and depravity of Westerosi Lords and Ladies. She had been far less prepared than she had originally thought, a lost little girl wandering around in a storm that stripped sight from those caught within. As she continued to wander, she found others within the storm that seemed, not only to thrive, but could rule over those who couldn't see. She was moulded by them, shaped and fitted. As she walked onwards, she found herself regaining sight, but now with a sense of herself that she hadn't had before.

"You look different,"

Naenya turned away from the mirror, flattening out her ball dress.

"You do, too," Naenya acknowledged, staring down at the intruder.

Rhaenyra broke into a grin as she held her arms out. Naenya smiled, descending from her step and making her way to her sister with open arms. Naenya always had longer legs than Rhaenyra. Ever since childhood, Naenya could consistently outpace her baby sister, ensuring the eldest daughter the first treat on the platter and the best seat beside their father. The longer legs had, for the first time, finally helped them both, closing the space between them within a second.

"I missed you," Rhaenyra murmured into Naenya's shoulder, "Kings Landing has turned into the seven hells without you,"

Naenya chuckled, stroking Rhaenyra's hair, "Mmm, I heard you had an invasion while I was gone,"

The two broke their hug, Naenya's hands moving down to clasp her sister's hands in hers. She twirled Rhaenyra, allowing her to see her little sister fully after many years. Rhaenyra was wearing more red and black than ever before, perhaps claiming the colour so it couldn't be taken by another young lady who was now considered Targaryen. A Valyrian steel necklace had found a home on Rhaenyra's porcelain neck. Damon Targaryen's doing, no doubt, though Naenya did believe it was fitting for a dragon princess.

"He got married," Rhaenyra said, glancing down at their clasped hands, "Father, he got married,"

"He had to, Rhaenyra. He's King," Naenya said softly, taking the pendant in her hands and feeling the cold steel for herself, "But look at you. You're so beautiful. What did you do while I was gone? Witchcraft?"

Rhaenyra smiled bitterly, her mind still plagued with the thoughts she hadn't been able to vocalise to anyone.

"He married Alicent," Rhaenyra whispered, her eyes boring into the ground, "And Alicent agreed to marry him,"

Naenya nodded with a sigh. She had hoped Dragonstone would be a neutral resting place before she had to deal with the chaos of King's Landing. The newer version of her should have realised it wasn't Kings Landing that was chaos. It was the city's inhabitants. Inhabitants that had boarded boats and made their way to Dragonstone.

"I know, I know," Naenya comforted, gently lifting Rhaenyra's chin to meet her eyes, "But Alicent isn't fully to blame. As much as you'd hate to admit it, she's also had a great wrong done to her. By her own father too, just like you,"

Rhaenyra scoffed, rolling her eyes. Sarcastic comments were rolling off Rhaenyra's tongue, but Naenya preferred to ignore them.

"But," Naenya began, giving her sister a playful smile, "If you hate her, then so do I. By the Gods, she is the worst person I've ever met. Also, she does not suit red at all."

Rhaenyra's sour appearance morphed into a much happier one, pulling Naenya in for another hug, "I've missed you,"

Naenya placed her hand softly on her sister's cheek. She hadn't smiled in such a sincere and truly content way since she had departed Riverrun.

She had gone many months without another dragon by her side. Standing in an open plain with nothing but her wits, she was fresh pickings for the hungry lions who wished to covet her for their feast. Birds circled above her, watching her closely. Even the mighty Stag, who seemed interested only in the grass she stood on, seemed to hold a glint of secrecy in its eyes. She couldn't take a step back, the beautiful flowers that grew strong behind her would surely try to fill her with thorns until she bled.

But, as she grew weary, the cries of dragons returned her strength.

"I missed you too," Naenya said, her voice hardly floating into Rhaenyra's ears, "Dragons should never be separated for so long. It weakens us,"

Rhaenyra nodded along, letting out a great sigh. One she must have kept hidden for some time.

"Now, enough of the family reunions," Naenya clasped her hands together, "I have a strong presentiment that I will be betrothed by the end of this night. Now, despite a room full of potential suitors, I feel I will have slim pickings. I need my sister to help me with that,"

"Won't father wish you to marry Laenor Velaryon?" Rhaenyra asked, knotting her brow, "Viserys mentioned him before, wishing to make the Sea Snake happy,"

Naenya rolled her eyes with a knowing smile, walking towards the dresser that held all the potential jewellery she could wear for the night.

"Oh, I'm sure that would make the Sea Snake jump with joy," Naenya hummed, her fingers running over the golden chain that held a petite crimson dragon, "But the Sea Snake can be appeased in other ways. I do not need to strengthen the Valaryian line to strengthen my position on the throne-"

"But you don't need to strengthen your position to the throne. It's yours by birthright. Father gave it to you," Rhaenyra started, her face creasing at the comment.

"What I do need to be doing to strengthen my position on the throne," Naenya continued, ignoring her sister's comment, "Is permanently gain one of the Great Houses' loyalty,"

"Through marriage?" Rhaenyra questioned, her mouth parting as the crease in her brow deepened, "I don't understand why you that would matter. They pledged their loyalty to you. You have it,"

Naenya smiled sweetly at her sister, her smile similar to a smile you would give your favourite daughter after they ran off three maids.

"I already have the loyalty of House Stark, they pledge with their whole heart, and House Velaryon - or rather Rhaenys - would never go against my rule. House Tully has no sons anywhere close to my age, but I know I have secured a strong loyalty from them," Naenya explained, picking up earrings that each had golden spider webs encapsulating a blood ruby stone, "But the other houses? Marriage would do well,"

Placing the earrings in, she gave her appearance a once over before picking up a bracelet of Valyrian steel and examining it. Naenya's Valyrian steel was far more dainty than the Valyrian steel Daemon had gifted Rhaenyra.

"Here, I wish you to wear this," Naenya said, holding the bracelet out for Rhaenyra to see, "A gift,"

Rhaenyra smiled, holding her wrist out for Naenya.

"This may be a man's world, but I know I can make it mine," Naenya spoke softly, only wishing for Rhaenyra to hear her, "But to do that, I need you. I'll always need my little sister,"

[itsmeglendaloraine]

Looking back to high school...

Recently I’ve been waking up from weird, random dreams. Mostly of my high school life. My classmates and teachers were there and we were talking in circles – the usual scene when we have vacant in between classes. My classmates and I talked about the shows on television and the little realizations of our lives so far. Oh, how little did we know!

My dreams were so vivid. It felt so real. I feel like I’m in that dream. Maybe I just miss the old days. High school to me seemed so simple back then and when I left town for college, I became a whole new person. I went to a university where I never knew anyone. I was totally an alien to the place. I met new people and it was a whole new life for me.

It’s been a while since I last visited my hometown. My family and I moved to another place two years ago so maybe this is just longing. The holidays were just over and I somehow missed the travel back home. When I get to pass the places I have memories with. That feeling of nostalgia.

Now that I dreamed of this, I came to think of my classmates if they felt the same. Have they thought also of me? Have I appeared in their dreams as well? Because to me, they have. Are we in the same boat?

The funny thing about every dream is that it ends with the boyfriend I had in high school. Maybe he impacted me so much that when I think of high school, I think of the boy who made me fall in love and then broke my heart. I never saw him for so long that is why it seems very strange why he is appearing in my dreams. Ah, the subconscious mind and its funny tricks!

Anyway, I was just reflecting so much this past week knowing that a new year has just started. I think these dreams are part of it. I was looking back on how far I’ve come and how I felt like it was so long ago when in fact, it really is. I’m almost at the age when I got to double my age when I graduated from high school. But to me, there still there. When I get to think of those days, I miss them a lot.

Oh, another funny thing in my dreams with the boy was that the scenarios were totally reversed from reality. He is nice to me. He smiles at me and talks gently. Back then, I was somehow walking on tiptoes because I’ll never know his mood and there was that fear and awkward feeling in me. Maybe I’m just very young and everything is a first for me. But one of the things he taught me is to learn to express my feelings when it’s needed and that it’s nice to be with someone whom I get excited to see every time. I look forward to class days and I even performed well academically.

I broke up with him two months before graduation and weeks later, he had a new girlfriend. And I was devastated. I was hoping he’d wait until graduation but nah, he moved on so easily. And I was just as broken and torn to many pieces it was hard for me to put the pieces back together. I just hoped a lot, planned a lot, and dreamed a lot for us but then they remained in fantasy land.  But I’ll always be grateful. Everything turned out to be the best.

I wrote this to process my feelings and work on that reflection. I still don’t know what those dreams are telling me but I’m thankful it happened because I got to think of the time that I first dreamed. I dreamed of a better life and a better future and my teachers made me believe that I can do great things. I’m still a work in progress, but hey, I think I am living the dream.

This is dedicated to my high school classmates, thank you for all the memories and the time we got to spend together. I hope you are all doing well and pursuing your life’s ultimate goals and dreams.

To my teachers who made me hope and dream, I wish you continue to leave an impact on young minds. Thank you for the learnings you’ve taught me.

Lastly, to that boy, when I think of high school, I think of you. You introduced me to young love and I learned a lot from it. You impacted my life way more than I can ever imagine. I wish you well and the very best in whatever you do.

To all of high school, cheers to all the memories we shared and the life we used to have! I miss all of you and I hope to see you all around. Until then.

[lemonykoo]

bitter goodbyes, and joyful hellos - kaedehara kazuha

Pairing: Boyfriend!Kazuha x Girlfriend!Reader

Genre: Angst and then fluff

Word Count: 1.3k

Notes: Kazuha has to leave Inazuma, but before he leaves he makes sure to tell you goodbye. You can’t convince him to let you go with him, so you depart, and as time goes on, you figure that he’s forgotten all about you. Only he hasn’t, and you’re the first person he wants to see upon his return to the Electro Archon’s land. There’s no like set timing in Genshin lmao so sorry if my timing seems off from the storyline in this. I’m just going with it lol. Also, my story may be off from Genshin’s story anyways, my bad besties. It’s been a while since I did these quests.

“Y/n.”

“Y/n, wake up.”

“C’mon, y/n, wake up.”

A sigh. “Y/n, please.”

You crack your eyes open and feel the grip someone has on your shoulders loosen. “Y/n,” the voice repeats and your eyes move to see the familiar face of your boyfriend, gazing at you with an unreadable expression.

“Kazuha,” you call back, rubbing your eyes to see clearly as you sit up. “Where were you? I was worried sick about you. Actually, you can tell in the morn-”

“I’m leaving,” he said gently, causing you to stop just as the thunder outside crashed and rattled the house around you.

“H-huh?” you whispered. You heard someone outside talking and you looked at Kazuha, confused. “What’s going on? Why are you leaving? Why now?”

“I’ve told Gorou to explain everything I can’t,” he says. His voice is troubled but calming. As you continue to wake up, you notice how dark and stormy it is outside. It represented how you felt at the moment – in the dark and your mind clouded over in worry and thought. “But I wanted to see you before I left. I wanted to tell you bye.”

You felt tears prick your eyes. Was this forever? “Kazuha, please just explain what’s going on-”

“There’s been… something has happened, and I can’t stay here anymore. I have to leave while I can.” He leaned forward and enveloped you in a soft hug. You were going to miss these. “I love you, and I’ll miss you. But I need to leave while the opportunity is here.” He stood and walked to the door with you hot on his heels.

“I can go with you!” you pleaded, tears streaming down your face. “Please, Kazuha, don’t leave me like this.”

He continued to walk to your front door, his white ponytail swaying with his steps. “You need to stay here. It’s safer for you.”

“Kazuha!” you exclaimed, not knowing what to say any more than just stay, stay, stay. He reached the door and he turned to you before he opened it.

“I’ll be back another time,” he said, looking at your tearful eyes. His red ones glanced over your figure, taking in your sight one last time. “You have my word, y/n.”

You sniffled, your hands clutched in front of you tightly. Lightning struck and the room was filled with a white light. Kazuha moved and you closed your eyes, not wanting to see him leave, only to feel a pair of lips meet yours. The kiss was longer, not rushed despite how hurried he seemed, and passionate, a way to seal his promise. He will be back. Maybe not soon, but he will.

When you opened your eyes, he was gone. The front door was shut, but the feeling of his hands on your hips lingered and your lips tingled and his last “I love you” as he parted from you echoed loudly in your ears. It still felt like he was here, but he was gone.

Kazuha was gone.

††

It’s been ages since Kazuha left you. You sigh as you tear another month off the calendar. Almost three years. You swallow, before throwing the sheet of paper away and returning to the meal you had been cooking.

Gorou did fill you in on the situation. From Kazuha’s best friend being slain by the Raiden Shogun to Beidou offering Kazuha a chance to flee Inazuma since he became a wanted fugitive. For months, you’d waste your days in Ritou, hoping to see him jump off a boat and shout your name from the docks. But with the Sakuko Decree in place, you knew that wasn’t going to happen as easily as it should. And as time ticked on, you thought maybe he wasn’t going to return at all.

“He’s forgotten all about me,” you murmured to yourself as you stared at the water in front of you. Sitting at the water’s edge in Ritou filled you with hope at first, but the more time passes, the more you’re filled with dread instead. You couldn’t write him a letter since you didn’t know where he went. You thought maybe you’d get one from him, but you never did, leaving an empty feeling in your stomach as you’d walk back home like a ghost searching for their resting place.

You weren’t even excited when you heard the Sakuko Decree was lifted. You just knew he wasn’t ever coming back. He was gone for good, leaving you behind with empty promises.

He had been gone before, sure. But those times were different. He’d tell you in advance when he was leaving, have special time with you before he did – he never just got up and left. That means he really had to leave. And the more you thought about it, the more you understood his reason for leaving. But it didn’t satisfy the longing within you. It just made you more aware of the situation – how he really did have to leave, but how difficult it would be for him to come back.

††

It was spring. You had your windows open to let the crisp breeze flow through your home. You were cleaning, sweeping dirt off the floors, dusting the shelves – anything you could to take out the old and dead of winter to bring in the new and life of spring. After a hard day of work, you decided to head to Ritou to watch the sunset before you went back for dinner. An unnecessary trip, but sometimes the crisp, ocean air gave you a better environment for thinking. It’d fill your lungs with new air that refreshed you, sucking out the old that was stagnant and dirty. Tonight, you sat on the docks, your legs dangling off the side as your toes barely grazed the water below. When you arrived, you saw a ship was in and you were glad Ritou was back in business. No thought of Kazuha crossed your mind. You wouldn’t let it.

“It’s a perfect night to watch the sunset,” a voice said behind you. There was a multitude of footsteps behind you, either people leaving or boarding the boat that was here.

You hummed. “Yeah,” you murmured, seeing a pair of legs appear beside you in the corner of your eyes.

“Waiting for someone?” the voice asked. You nodded, turning a bit solemn. You heard the person beside you hum in thought. “You know, when I was off at sea, I’d look at the sky at night and remind myself that the person waiting here for me was looking at the same sky I was. And, despite being many, many miles away from her, I felt close to her.”

You went to agree but the words in your throat were choked and stumbled out in weird mutters as you picked your head up to view the stranger beside you. You knew there was no other person in the world to spurt some poetic nonsense like that other than the one you had been waiting for this whole time. “K-Kazuha?”

His smile was still the same as he peered down at you. Everything about him was the same: same hair, same eyes, and to your delight once he sat down beside you, same kiss, though the first one was a bit needier, hungrier for your touch that he had gone so long without.

“I thought…”

“Thought what?” he echoed, leaning in to steal another kiss.

“I thought you had forgotten about me,” you said as you began to tear up, ashamed you had ever thought that.

Kazuha laughed, the same laugh he had those years ago. “Darling, I thought you might have forgotten about me. That is, until I saw you walk up and sit here. And then I knew. I knew you had been waiting for me to come back this whole time, just as I.”

You were speechless. After all this time, he’s finally back. Kazuha is finally back. Images of his departure flittered through your brain, and you grabbed his hands. “Are you leaving again soon? Please-”

Kazuha kissed your hands that held his. “I won’t be leaving for a long time, love. How could I leave you when I just got you back, hm?”

You sighed, giving him a dreamy-eyed gaze with a grin that wouldn’t leave your face. “Well, I guess you’re lucky I just cleaned the house, then.”

[inklingofinspiration]

a gradum ad lumen - part 3 .

i’ve been really eager to write this chapter, thomas has always been a personal favourite.  again, if any of you have requests for things to happen in the coming chapters, then feel free to dm me!

___

Word count: 3.9k!

Warnings : general TMR TWS; blood, slight gore, disturbing ideas / images, and depicted injuries.  mentions of drunken acts and alcohol in this specific chapter.

Pronouns used: they/them – gender-neutral.

Prompt(s) used: “Who knows.  Maybe we’ve actually made it out of this hellhole after all.”

Pairing: TMR x GN!Reader.

Parts you may have missed: Part 1, Part 2.

A/N: i’m trying to make my writing style less choppy, so let me know how i do!  I also might go canon divergent on a few minor things throughout the series, so don’t mind anything like that if you happen to notice.

___

At your words of greeting, the Greenie seemed to fall silent, a look of confusion churned by fear and terror passing over his features as he took in the sight of you and your outstretched hand. 

“Didn’t realise I looked that bad,”  You joked in a weak attempt to make him feel at least a bit better, but you knew how it went.  The way that anxiety constantly bolted through each newcomer when they awoke in the Box, trapped and alone, only to be hauled out by a group of people they didn’t know, with no recollection of who they were or supposed to be.  It was horrifying.  So you quickly amended your statement with a nervous shuffled,  “Right, uh. . . look, I know you must be confused, scared, all that, but we’re not here to hurt you, promise.” 

Still, no response as he continued to practically gawk at you from where he had fallen on the ground. 

By that point, Newt and Alby were already shoving through the crowd to reach you, Newt shouting an order that sent the rest of them scrambling, both of them stepping forward, but you subtly flicked your hand, silently telling them to hold off for a minute.  The blonde seemed to understand, turning to Alby and whispering something in his ear before they both stopped and waited expectantly.  Just then, a shaky, hoarse voice cut through the temporary silence, dragging your attention back to the Greenie as he finally spoke. 

“Who are you people, and why don’t I remember anything?”  He spat, seeming to have recovered from his fall and scrambling to his feet, the venom that laced his voice making it sound as though you were responsible for the missing pieces of his past life and identity.  You merely offered a sympathetic smile. 

“We’re in the same boat as you, Greenie.” 

“Stop calling me that, I have a name.”

“Oh, sorry, didn’t realise you’d remembered it already,”  You said apologetically, beckoning for him to continue.  “What is it?” 

That’s when he seemed to falter, clearly wracking his brain to try and remember a detail that so many seemed to take for granted; the Creators hadn’t even been decent enough to let you have that off the bat, and the thought of it was enough to make a bitter taste fill your mouth.  When he went silent, you offered him the same smile you had a beat earlier, 

“That’s alright.  It comes back sooner or later; each of us had to wait a few hours or so before it came back to us.  But, in the meantime, we’ll tell you ours instead.” 

You waved Newt and Alby forward, your apologetic smile breaking into a grin as you gestured to them both,  “That’s Newt.  He’s Keeper of the Trackhoes – leader of people who play in the dirt and garden, basically, but also second in command.  Alby here’s our beloved leader who keeps us from losing it and letting all this go down the drain.”

You swept your arms toward the Bloodhouse, Maze walls, Homestead and everything in between with a certain sense of pride; afterall, you’d been helping out to make the Glade what it was from the very start, give or take a few months. 

“And I’m Y/N, but you can call me N/N if you’d like.  We’ll show you the ropes in a bit.” 

You wrapped up your speech with a punctuated bow, feeling Alby laugh quietly from beside you as you dusted your hands and glanced to Greenie.  He had fallen silent once more, whether he was trying to take in everything and process it all or thought you were a nutjob was well past your realm of knowledge as he remained oblivious to the three pairs of eyes that were fixated on him.  When his eyes finally circled back to you and the others behind you, he spoke with a specific uncertainty, 

“Okay. . . so what’s with the walls?”  He queried, mimicking your earlier gesture toward the hulking steel masses that closed in on you on all sides. 

You were about to respond when Alby beat you to it, his patience clearly growing thin at all the questions. 

“We’ll give you a tour tomorrow first thing, you can ask questions then.” 

Newt nodded to back Alby up, offering you a sidelong glance as though he expected you to do the same, but you merely shrugged and continued your conversation with him.  

“Can’t have you getting any special treatment,”  You joked as you began walking toward the gardens, which stood behind the newbie.  As you passed, your voice dropped to a whisper, praying to the gods above that the other two didn’t hear you,  “If you have any questions, you can just come to me, Alby can be a bit impatient with the Greenbeans because no one was ever there to answer his questions.  Was the first to arrive here and all.” 

You watched him nod from your peripheral vision, to which you grinned before pausing a few steps away and turned back to face him and gesture from you to Newt,  “Oh yeah, you’ll be workin’ in the gardens with us for the rest of the day, so feel free to tag along.” 

—

“Here, you can take over chopping the wood.” 

You were more than happy to pass the hatchet over to the unnamed male, only for him to stare blankly down at it as he turned it over in his hands, leaving you to grin sheepishly as you gently took it back into your own grasp. 

“Right, sorry, keep forgetting.  Uh. . . you can work with Newt to finish picking the tomatoes or start stacking the wood I’ve already cut,”  You offered, leaning against the handle of the hatchet after you had stabbed it into the scarred tree trunk once more.  Greenie looked from you to the second in command, raven coloured hair practically dancing in the wind that blew through the Glade every ten minutes or so before he began reaching for the first piece of wood that lay a few feet away from the worn soles of your boots without much of a response aside from that.  You nodded before brandishing the hatchet and set another block of wood onto the top of the tree stump, giving the tool a subconscious twirl, the trick something you had picked up on when Minho had been chopping wood himself at least three months back.  

You almost laughed at the thought, memories of how he’d groaned each time you failed to repeat his deft and fluid movements but continued helping you well past the dinner call until you could finally do it without a second thought.  But your thoughts were quick to be interrupted by the same cutting and almost out of place voice that had your head turning in an instant, the hatchet easily splitting the awaiting log as you did so, despite the almost guaranteed danger that came with taking such a risk.

“How long have you been here?”  The Greenie asked, hazel eyes fixated on your e/c irises, his figure crouched beside a few split pieces of wood, a hand planted in the soft, feathery grass still damp from yesterday evening’s storm and the other hovering over one of the aforementioned pieces of woods.  You paused at the question, however, levelling him with a curious stare but answered without missing a beat. 

“About two years or so, give or take a few months.  Why?”  

“Two years,”  He repeated with a certain breathlessness, almost as though he couldn’t believe it, but was quick to shoot a rebound question.  “You still haven’t found a way out?  Of the Maze, I mean.” 

You shook your head,  “It’s a work in progress, but the Runners go out each morning and dedicate themselves to tracking the movements of the walls, see if anything new’s appeared.” 

“Runners?” 

“Yeah, you’ll see them take off tomorrow during your tour, maybe even see them come back tonight during the bonfire if you’re lucky.” 

“Do you guys usually have bonfires?” 

“You’re just full of questions, aren’t you,”  You teased, rolling your shoulders back and stifling a yawn before you continued.  “We have ‘em once a month, helps keep spirits up around here.  You’ll see why when it happens; dinner should be called in an hour or two, so we’ll be lighting the fire sooner or later.  You’ll get introduced to everyone there.”

Another nod from him,  “Thanks.”

You happily returned the gesture with a dismissive wave of your hand before turning back to the last few pieces of wood, the sun beating down pleasantly on the back of your neck as the afternoon slowly began to melt away into the cool weather of the early evening. 

—

“My back feels like it’s about to bloody split in half,”  Newt muttered from beside you as you walked with him and the Greenie flanking you, each of you carrying a plate of dinner toward the bonfire pit where Builders had already begun dragging the piles of wood you had chopped and throwing them in a haphazard heap, months of built up ash and char fluttering up visibly through the practically sparking night air as you approached the gathering crowd with your typical grin.  You spared a glance over your shoulder at Newt’s comment, the urge to laugh only increasing at the incredulous look he shot you at your expression. 

“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about your chronic back pain, old man,”  You teased, hearing him huff from behind you before you finally reached a log that wasn’t swarming with a dozen or so Gladers, your ankle practically bursting in relief at the sight.  “You think Minho’ll actually stay awake for this one, or he’ll pass out mid-drink like last time?” 

The three of you settled into the grass in front of the log a beat later, watching as someone lit a match with relative ease and tossed it onto the logs wetted with whatever flammable drink Gally had whipped up this time around.  You were entranced as your eyes remained fixated at the seemingly alive flames, brilliant autumn golds and oranges flickering and lapping at the air, shadows dancing in their wake and stretching to touch the glowing constellations embedded into the black velvet of the sky, missing Newt’s response under the roar of flames and the ravenette seated beside you finally joining the conversation. 

“Who’s Minho?”  He asked, looking up momentarily in your and Newt’s direction rather than his dinner of bread and casserole that Frypan had seemed particularly proud of when he’d been dishing it out.  Newt gestured for you to explain as someone called out to him, dragging him into a separate conversation – a debate about whether they should wait for the Runners to return before passing out drinks from the looks of it. 

“I envy your existence,”  You joked, settling your back against the log behind you and momentarily staring off at the fire once more before returning to the conversation with a bemused laugh.  “He’s, uh, Keeper of the Runners; you’ll know him when ya’ see him.  A bit tall, as egotistical as they come, looks like he uses the world’s supply of hair gel each morning.  The entire deal.” 

At his confused stare, you elaborated. 

“If you’re a Keeper, then you lead a certain group.  I can’t tell you too much, otherwise Alby’d skin you and me both, but he’s in charge of the whole running deal.” 

He seemed satisfied with your response, nodding once more and falling silent suddenly as his eyes trailed after something past the enrapturing glow of the fire; you followed his gaze only to see the Runners jogging through the East Door as if on cue, Minho at the head of the pack.  Newt had just finished settling the argument (if they began passing out drinks that instant, there wouldn’t even be any left for the Runners to begin with, had been the conclusion) when he caught sight of Minho as well. 

“There the bloody shank is,”  He said after a moment, clearly bemused at the rather irritated look on the Asian’s face as he took in the sight of the bonfire that had started without him.  You shouldered Newt playfully, which he easily returned, shaking your head and waving the Keeper over once he got close enough.  

Minho’s finch coloured irises flicked to you the instant you raised your hand to him, despite the distance and veered from his path to the Maproom, clearly more than content to take the detour to put off the dreaded process of drawing up the maps of the day for at least a little longer.  He almost seemed ethereal as he slowed to walk, the firelight bathing him in a vermillion-tinged gold light that seemed to morph to his figure when he finally halted beside you, his typical smirk instantly taking residence on his features as he observed the three of you. 

“Look at you, being all nice and sweet and fetching me dinner,”  He teased by way of a proper greeting, reaching over your shoulder and nearly snatching up the untouched plate of food that rested on your lap.  As soon as you realised it, though, you swatted at his hand with a scoff. 

“You wish, slinthead.  You haven’t even introduced yourself to the  Greenie.”

Your running partner pinned the aforementioned male with an almost analytical stare that the other had no issue returning, the tension in response to that nearly palpable and crackling.  You glanced back to Newt, who only rolled his eyes in an exasperated manner, turning back to his meal as though he thought they’d sort it out without a fist fight.  You sighed at his lack of aid, but were quick to handle it yourself, hitting Minho’s side with enough force to tear his attention away from his seemingly new opposer, however begrudgingly he had done so. 

“Play nice,”  You chided, which made him laugh as he began jogging once more, shooting a final riposte over his shoulder before you were out of earshot. 

“In your dreams.”

The Greenie spoke up once more, settling himself back into a more comfortable position as he muttered into his food,  “What was his deal.”

It was more of a rhetoric than anything, but you snorted at the comment.

“He’s a bit of an ass sometimes, but he’ll warm up to you eventually.”

“Language,”  Newt warned from your opposite side, which made you pass the ravenette a joking eye roll.  “Minho’s enough of a hassle in that department, I don’t need you there too.” 

—

Minho had joined your pleasant trio half an hour earlier, you, Newt, and him drifting in and out of conversation, you leaning in Thomas’ direction every so often to fill him in on parts of the Glade that were mentioned when his face twisted up into a confused expression.  He remained quiet for the most part, the only interaction he seemed to have over that course of time was responding to you and meeting each of Minho’s glares he shot his way.  There wasn’t much you could do to stop it, save for the occasional heel of your boot to the Runner’s shin, the agitated look that passed over him enough to save you and Newt a few exasperated eyerolls. 

You two had just finished discussing what would be done in the Glade tomorrow, your activities tailored to accommodate your injured ankle and all, when Alby waved Newt over from the other side of the bonfire.  The leader was clearly wasted, if not damn near close to; his shouts to the blonde were slurred, his steps more akin to stumbles that nearly sent him tumbling into the fire as he stepped too close, and just the sight was enough to make you laugh and offer Newt a pat on the shoulder. 

“Have fun, don’t end up like him,”  You teased as he swatted your hand away and stood up, clearly dreaded whatever lay in store for him next before he lifted his hand in farewell, disappearing in the glow of flickering orange-gold soon after.  

“So, has Greenie here remembered his name yet, or is he still sulking like a sissy about it?”  Minho commented with a certain amount of venom that made you wince.  You were about to ask why he was being so short when you took a glance around him and saw the mason jars scattered around him. 

Of course he was planning on not remembering anything about the next few hours. 

You had never really been a big fan of drinking, whether it be the rancid taste of Gally’s godawful brews or the thought of a pounding headache the day after.  So you settled for whatever Fry kept stashed in the back of the fridge for you, and you were more than content to have that instead.  But no matter how much you wished you could go, settle down into one of the worn stools that lined the counter of the kitchen and get away from all the chaos, it was more than evident that you couldn’t leave the two alone.  Who knew what could happen with Minho’s short temper and the Greenie’s defensive responses. 

You elbowed the Keeper harshly in the stomach, your words coming out as more of a hiss than anything,  “Slim it, Minho.  You were in the same position a few years back.”  

He only snorted in response, looking about ready to reach across the log and attempt to strangle the ravenette, bringing the jar in his hand to his lips once more, only for you to snatch it out of his hands before he could take another drink and handed it off to a passing Glader.  He was about to protest when you shot him a glare that nearly made him recoil, reduced to mutters as his arms folded across his chest and he settled against the back of the log. 

“He’ll. . . warm up to you eventually,”  you offered wryly, almost laughing at the Greenie’s unsure expression when a shout rang across the bonfire.  You didn’t even have to turn around to know what was coming next, especially not with the cheering that erupted not a moment after Gally called out to him, footsteps audible as they disturbed the grass underfoot. 

“Hey, Greenie, how about I give you a preview of what you’ll be seein’ a whole lot of in the future, huh?  As a Slopper, y’know,”  He remarked once within appropriate earshot, stopping just a few feet from where your legs were stretched out.  And as though he read your mind, he spared you a glance before settling his attention fully on you,  “Unless you wanna go first.” 

You scoffed at that, rolling your shoulders back experimentally and narrowing your eyes as you met his gaze without missing a beat,  “Yeah?  You want a repeat of last time?” 

“This could be different.  But if you chicken out, I get that.” 

The taunt did nothing to infuriate you, something you dismissed with a disparaging wave of your hand before offering the Greenie a sidelong glance and sighing.  The moment you wordlessly climbed to your feet, sending a nod to Thomas and a warning glare Minho’s way, the boys that had followed after Gally erupted into cheers, the aforementioned Builder gesturing for you to lead the way to the hastily drawn circle that they called the ‘fighting ring’.  It seemed childish, the idea of essentially cat-fighting with a bunch of drunken teenagers, but you could put on a show if that’s what they wanted.  

“We’ll let good old Clint give us the countdown, since you already know the rules,”  Gally supplied, nodding off to the Med-jack, who shot him a thumbs up as the Keeper began stretching out his arms, making more of a show out of it than anything.  A meagre eye roll was elicited on your end, taking up a spot on the opposite side of the circle from Gally, shuffling back and to the side a few paces to position yourself a bit more to your convenience; your arms hung loosely at your sides with your legs staggered just behind one another, allowing for a flexible but firm stance in preparation of the hopefully quick fight.  

It was known that you were more than knowledgeable in combat techniques, something that was a bit hard to not be after having been in the Glade for as long as you had been.  And perhaps your regular fights with Minho played a small part in it as well, but you were practically the crowned ruler in that aspect among the Gladers.  Gally just seemed to have the constant and compulsive urge to continuously one up and belittle your every move, so you were sure to humour it every once in a while.

As the Med-jack’s voice rang clear through the otherwise silent air, you felt yourself stiffen slightly, adrenaline already beginning to course through you at the sound, 

“Three,”

“Two,

“One!” 

Clint couldn’t even properly finish before Gally leapt up and sprang directly for you, determination limning his every move as he raced toward you; he was frighteningly fast for his size, you seemed to note every time you were faced against him.  But you didn’t allow it to deter you much, steeling yourself against the ebbing anxiety that crackled within your chest, pivoting on your heel and practically dancing just out of his reach as he attempted to swing a hook for your jaw.  Your boots stirred up dust in your wake, movements light and swift, calculated as you leapt back once more, the Keeper seeming to grow frustrated as each of his blows failed to connect.  

Finally, you caught sight of an opening when he drew back his fist and aimed for your stomach, allowing you ample time to parry his blow by meeting it with your forearm and shoving it away from you before grabbing his wrist and yanking him forward.  The unexpected contact left him stunned for a moment, which you took advantage of mercilessly, quick to sidestep behind him and pin that same arm behind his back, twisting hard and fast until you heard him grunt in pain. 

He practically flowed at your mercy as you shoved him to the ground stomach first, releasing  your hold on him a second later as Clint announced you the winner at Gally’s struggling state to recover.  

Once more, cheers erupted from all around you, and you couldn’t help the exasperated eye roll and grin that overtook your features, waving with a laugh as you stepped out of the ring before Gally could challenge you any further, a few of the Gladers managing to slap you on the back in encouragement as you passed.  Through the parting sea of bodies, you made your way back toward your original spot between Minho and Thomas, the two clearly doing their best to ignore the other’s presence, but both perking up as they caught sight of you. 

“Well?  Did you win?”  Minho slurred, somehow in an even more drunken state than he had been in to begin with, which only made you roll your eyes for the nth time that night, nodding nevertheless.  You turned your attention to Thomas, holding your breath as you questioned him with an almost irritated tone, 

“You bloody drunk too?” 

He shook his head.

“Wonderful,”  You clasped a hand over his shoulder, gesturing for him to follow you as you both climbed to your feet and began walking away from the roar of the ongoing bonfire, ignoring Minho’s protests for you to stay all the while,  “Let’s get you settled then, hm?”

[inkandpen22]

The Princess and The Pogue (pt. 5)

Pairing: JJ x Female!Reader / Topper x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: swearing, violence, mild smut

Part Summary: You and Topper make amends. You two attend the end of the summer bonfire at the Boneyard. When JJ sees you guys together, things take a turn for the worst. 

Masterlist

Somehow, after hours of crying, you finally fell asleep on your bed. You're not quite sure when it happened. Your covers tucked nicely under you, wet from your tears. When you first got home, you immediately snuck up to your room, far from your parents. You ripped off your Labor Day dress, having already hated it, but you also took your aggression out on it. You changed in one of Topper's T-shirts that you stole sometime last summer... when you were hooking up. You had never been so close. Morning, noon, and night you were together. You were practically dating but without the titles. Actually, it was far deeper than that. You spent almost every hour together, you co-existing. You were acting married even though you were only teenagers. You guys just loved each other that much. If someone had told you then that a year from now you two wouldn't be talking, you would've thought they were crazy. 

“Y/N!" You hear Topper in your dreams.  "Y/N!" He repeats, then you process it's real. 

"What the-" You rise from your laid position and spot the boy climbing in from your window in the dark. "Topper?" 

"Hey! Sorry to scare you," he apologizes as he rises to his feet from a crawling position on your floor. 

"Did you climb through the window?" You question, this wouldn't be the first time, but it nevertheless is mind-boggling to you how he can climb up the side of your house. 

"Yeah, can you tell your mom to not have the gardeners cut the vines so short?" He complains with a chuckle, brushing down his Patagonia shirt. 

"What are you doing here?" You yawn. Considering what he said to you just hours before, you can't help but wonder why the fuck he's here. 

"I... I need to apologize," he stammers, taking a seat on the edge of your bed just by your legs. "Y/N, I'm so sorry! I was such a jerk to you earlier. I shouldn't have-" 

Before he can even finish, you leap at him, pulling him into a pleading hug. "Jesus, I'm so happy you're here," you whisper against his shoulder. 

Topper instantly wraps his arms around you, engulfing you. He releases a deep breath, not having realized until this moment that he couldn't breathe the entire time you weren't talking. "I've missed you!" He pulls back and brushes his hand across your cheek, bringing your hair back. "I missed you the moment you left!" He wears a smile of relief as his eyes glisten with tears threatening to fall. 

"Never let me go again," you mutter, almost as a beg. 

"I could never. I didn't," Topper explains in a rushed whisper, gripping your waist. "As soon as you left I was a mess, ask the boys! They had to talk me off a cliff. I came by earlier but your parents said you were still at Kiara's... which I'm guessing you were with JJ and the other Pogues..." His face falters and he avoids your gaze at the mention of JJ. 

You bring your hand up and tuck your fingers under his chin, guiding him to look at you. His eyes meet you with defeat and it nearly breaks your heart. "JJ drove me back to John B's, but I had Sarah drive me home almost as soon as we got there." 

"So you and JJ..." He can't bring himself to ask. 

"We..." Your brows scrunch together as you realize you never really discussed it. "You know what, I didn't even know." Enough about JJ, you're just happy that Topper is here! You felt so empty all day, in a constant state of panic. Now, you can exist again. "I'm just relieved you're here, Top. I've felt sick to my stomach all day," you release a breathless laugh of relief. 

"No, yeah you're right, no one else matters," he shakes his head, reaching for your hand on his cheek and taking it in his hands. "As long as we're good then everything else will be okay." He lifts your hand to his lips and gives them a needy kiss. 

"Stay with me?" You ask softly as he does. 

You see him swallow hard, pausing with your hand his lips. His eyes flicker up to yours with a mixture of surprise and admiration. "I was hoping you'd ask." A faint grin appearing on the edge of his lips. 

You and Topper get ready for bed as you used to every night when he snuck into your room a lot more. You've shared a bed since breaking off your... arrangement. There was the ski trip and Bermuda, but on random nights when he couldn't sleep or missed you, Topper would find himself in your bed. You pull back your blankets, knowing to get on the side closest to the window, away from the door. Topper didn't need to think twice to move to the opposite side because ever in the case of an emergency, he's the closest to the door. He's always thinking of how to keep you safe and satisfied. As you climb in, Topper begins to remove his t-shirt and shorts. You can't help but watch as his clothes become a pile on his side. It's months since you two have done anything, but that doesn't mean you haven't thought about it. There have been opportunities, but you always try to be responsible and remember why you stopped. Topper doesn't notice your staring and wondering what it would feel like to run your fingers down his chest. He climbs in next to you and immediately guides you into his side. Instantly, you feel secure and wanted, which is all anyone ever needs. He brushes his fingertips up and down your spine gently while you rest your cheek against his bare chest. It's not a new feeling to you, but it certainly never gets old. 

"There's a bonfire tomorrow at the Boneyard, wanna go together?" The boy asks, glancing down at you. 

"As long as Rafe doesn't go wild as he did," you snicker, but you mean what you say. 

"Don't worry about him, we had a nice long chat once he sobered up this afternoon," he insinuates and you wish you would've seen Topper go off on him. Then, you comprehend that it might've only happened because Topper was mad at you and Rafe was getting the side effects. 

"He doesn't deserve you, Top." You mutter, lifting your head off his chest to place a quick kiss on his chest. 

"That's how I feel about myself with you," he confesses as he peers down at you. "You've always been there for me. When Sarah cheated, you were right there and pulled me through it. The way I spoke to you this morning. I-" 

"No, no, don't say that," you shake your hand repeatedly as you cup his cheek as you did before. He leans into your touch and you find yourself wishing to be closer to him, as though that's even possible. "I love you, Top. You're my best friend. I'll always be there for you. You've helped me in more ways than you could ever realize." 

"I love you too, Y/N," he smiles, leaning down and placing a kiss on your forehead. "So much..." he whispers against your skin. 

His eyes flicker down to your neck and you remember last night in the kitchen. You brush your hand across Topper's cheek, pulling his focus back to you. His eyes and features falter at the evidence of JJ on you. 

"I'm here with you! Okay? It's you and me," you try to emphasize. 

He nods slowly, still feeling an ache in his chest, but relieved to have you in his arms. You're it for Topper. He would do anything for you, drop anyone for you, nothing is too much. You alone are what drives him and are the reason he wakes up in the morning. He would never admit it aloud out of guilt, but when he was with Sarah, he always compared her to you. He doesn't fully know why he dated her, maybe because he felt you slipping away when you realized that you no longer wanted to hook up. He couldn't lose you so he tried to replace you, but he quickly realized that was impossible. No one could be you. 

_____________________________________

Topper woke up before you and let you sleep, pondering having you in his arms. Your legs entangled in his, your arm across his chest along with your cheek. In the light, he finally notices you wearing his shirt. A faint smile forms on his lips at the sight. He has you here with him, not with JJ or Rafe or anyone else who's pining after you. You're his. 

You've spent the entire day together on Topper's boat. It couldn't have been more perfect. The hours slipped by without either of you two noticing. Topper has been energized and enthusiastic about everything, all because he has you back. Around ten, you and Topper arrive at the Boneyard for the final bonfire of the summer. You wear distressed white short shorts over a black tank bodysuit with a matching black Chanel belt. All finished with the pearl earrings Topper gave you for Christmas last year.  

Topper keeps you close, his arm around your waist as you walk toward the crowd of teenagers. "I'm so lucky." 

You peer up at the boy with a giggle. "Why?" 

"I have the most beautiful girl in the OBX at my side," he flirts. 

You turn your attention ahead, struggling to hide your blushing. "You sound like Rafe." 

Topper steps around to walk backward in front of you. He locks his fingers through the loops of your shorts and pulls you into his chest. "At least he and I agree on something." He grins, resting his hands on your hips. 

You playfully roll your eyes but find it hard to hide your amusement. "You're such a cheese ball." 

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks," he announces before planting a quick peck to your temple. 

You nod, stepping back toward the shore as Topper holds onto your hands until the last minute. "Okay, I'll find us a spot by the water." 

"Be right there," he winks, offering you a mischievous smirk. 

For a second, you watch Topper jog off to the stack of coolers by the cement wall. Is it possible to be too dependent on someone? You know that if you and Topper stopped talking completely that you wouldn't physically die, but emotionally it would destroy you. You smile, knowing that you two will grow closer because of your fight. It taught you a valuable lesson. It took losing Topper for you to fully comprehend how much you need him. Turning on your heels, you head toward a log facing the shore. It's far enough from the chaos to give you and Topper some privacy, but close enough to still be included in the festivities. You two are both social butterflies, but today has been about you two and you want to keep it that way. You sit down on the log, content watching the small waves crashing against the sand just a few feet away. The light of the moon shimmers on the water, making it looks like lines of crystal. 

"Want a drink, Princess?" A familiar voice asks over your shoulder 

You glance up to see a 

"Wow, you look extra Kooky tonight," he remarks under his breath as he brings his cup to his mouth. 

You glare at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Let's play a game!" He blurts out. "How many items that Y/N is wearing are designer?"

You roll your eyes, realizing how drunk he is because JJ isn't like this. "How much have you had to drink?" 

"Just the right amount!" He answers swiftly before moving on. "My guess is all of them, but I can't be too sure. You'll have to take off your clothes so I can check what's underneath." 

"You wanna sit for a second? Maybe cool down a bit?" You offer, gesturing to the space beside you. 

His expression shifts from carefree to hurt. "Why do you care?" 

"JJ..." You sigh, peering up at the boy with immense guilt. 

"What?!" He tosses his arms up at his sides, losing some of his drink in the process. "You come here with Prince Charming, acting all coupley!" 

 "It's not like that-" You try to explain calmly. 

"Not according to Sarah!" He counters in a shout. You nervously check over at the crowd, making sure no one heard him burst. "You two planning your next trip to Bermuda?!" 

"What!" You whip your head back around toward JJ. "What did Sarah tell you?!" You fly up to your feet, stepping toward him defensively. 

"Did you sleep with him?!" JJ yells again and you're sure others heard him this time. 

"Excuse me?" You gasp at his audacity. 

"After you left John B's, did you go and find him?!" He elaborates with a breathless laugh. He steps closer to you, getting in your face. He doesn't care if others listen or if he's making you uncomfortable. "After you kissed me and slept in my bed, did you go and sleep with Topper?!" 

Abruptly, you feel a hand pressed to your back and see JJ being shoved backyard. 

"Hey! Back off man!" Topper growls, suddenly at your side. 

JJ catches himself from falling after a second of stumbling. "Oh and here he is now!" He laughs, tossing his cup to the side. "Your knight in shining armor!" 

"I think you should go, man!" Topper warns between his teeth. 

Topper's arm slips around you and grips your waist protectively. You watch JJ as he glares at Topper's arm around you. 

"Don't "man" me, alright! Touch me again and you'll lose a hand!" JJ threatens. 

"JJ!" John B calls for his friend as he runs toward you from down the beach. Kiara, Pope, and Sarah are close behind him. When JJ doesn't react. John B shouts again. JJ! Come on, let's go back over to the fire." 

"No! Not until she answers me!" JJ screams, yanking his arm free. 

Pope, Kiara, and Sarah watch in distress as JJ and Topper go back and forth. None of you are sure what to do. 

"Answer what!" Topper barks, stepping toward JJ defensively. You grab his arm, keeping him back. 

"Oh, I'm sorry! Is your name Y/N?" JJ laughs mockingly. "That Kook Academy doesn't do you guys any favors for your intelligence does it?" 

Pope steps around to block off his friend. "Just cool down, buddy!" 

"I knew you were Kook, Y/N, but I would've never marked you as slut," JJ shouts at you over Pope's shoulder. 

Topper breaks free of your hold, charging at JJ. John B grabs Pope and yanks him out of Topper's way. Now block-less, JJ runs at Topper. His face is red with aggravation. You could've never imagined seeing JJ look so enraged. The person he was with you the other night was entirely different. He was kind, gentle, understanding. You don't recognize him. Topper shoves JJ hard enough to make the boy fall back onto the sand. 

Topper tackles JJ into the ankle-deep water, immediately punching him in the jaw. The two grunt, struggling to get the upper hand. John B attempts to pull Topper off. 

"Topper!" You yell desperately. 

"JJ!" Kiara yells from the sidelines. 

"Enough!" John B barks at the pair as Pope runs to assist. 

The crowd by the bonfire starts to figure out what's going on a few yards away and rush over to watch. Pogues and Kooks each cheer for their fighter. Kelce and Rafe show up, pushing through the crowd to help out their friend. 

"Topper! Get off of him!" You plead as your best friend continues to press JJ's head under the water. 

JJ manages to punch Topper in the cheek, making the boy lose his balance for a second. Despite hating each other, Kelce and Rafe try to help out John B and Pope. 

"Guys! Quit!" Kelce commands, pulling at Topper. 

"Top, you'll kill him!" Sarah screams from beside Kiara. 

You want to go stand with them, but at this moment you're not sure if they want anything to do with you. Sarah and Kiara are Pogues. You're not just Y/N right now, their friend. You're a Kook during this Kook vs. Pogue fight. 

The boys manage to yank Topper off of JJ. The blonde Pogue flies up from beneath the surface, gasping for air. Topper falls back onto the sand in a seated position. Topper continues to fist JJ's collar and as he's shoved off, ripping JJ's shirt down the front. You notice the large purple and blue bruise on JJ's chest and freshly heeling cut down his neck to his collar bone. JJ frantically reaches behind himself, searching for something. Then, things take a turn for the worst when he whips out a gun. The crowd that watched the fight with amusement now scatters in a panic. 

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" Topper's eyes grow wide as he starts to scoot back, holding up a hand pleadingly. 

Kelce and Rafe bolt away, John B and Pope rush out words, trying to calm JJ down. 

"JJ!" John B yells at his friend. "What the hell?!" 

"Oh my god!" Sarah's hands fly up to her mouth. 

"That's right! Bet you didn't think I had that did ya?" JJ grins wickedly at Topper. 

"Topper!" Kelce attempts to collect his friend but halts when JJ points the gun at him. 

"Everyone back off!" JJ orders, rising to his feet, returning the gun's point toward Topper. 

Without a second thought, you sprint across the sand. You slide in front of Topper, the waves splashing against you. 

"Y/N! No!" Topper screams as soon as you land in JJ's path. 

"Y/N!" Sarah and Kiara shout your name in unison. 

JJ hesitates when his eyes land on you. You see him lower the gun a little and Kelce takes the opportunity to pull Topper from the scene. 

"JJ please..." you beg of him. 

Your heart is racing, but you're certain JJ won't hurt you. Despite his evident pain and anger toward you, he won't do it. You remember the boy from the other night, the one who spoke to you with such admiration. That boy wouldn't harm you. You know he's in there beneath this tough facade. 

"Y/N! Come on!" Rafe wraps his fingers around your arm and drags you away. 

While he's distracted by you, John B swiftly steals the gun from JJ's hand and begins ushers him away to their circle of friends. The Pogues swarm JJ, all talking over each other. 

 Rafe frantically cups your face, checking on you. "Y/N! Y/N, are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." You mutter, glancing over your shoulder, watching John B talk to JJ down the beach. 

"No cuts? Scrapes?" Rafe panics. 

"No..." You shake your head absent-mindedly as you’re too distracted by observing JJ. 

"Are you okay?" Kiara checks on JJ worriedly as you watch from a distant. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine!" JJ rushes out, still agitated. "Fuck this man!" He swears, then his eyes land on yours with surprise. He hand’t expected you to be listening or even care. 

You two stare each other from across the beach. Guilt consumes his features and sympathy breaks you apart as your vision lands on the wounds covering JJ’s torso. Rafe brings you over to Kelce who has Topper catching his breath against a tree. 

"Dude's fucking nuts, man!" Kelce curses, all fidgety beside you. 

As soon Topper sees you coming, he pushes himself off the tree and rushes to you. His arms engulf you as he presses you to his chest. 

He squats down to be at your level, cupping your face in his hands. “You’re so stupid, Y/N! You just jumped in front of a gun! Why would you do that?!” 

“Because it was pointed at you!” You justify desperately. 

Topper's eyes soften. “You’d risk your life for me?! Are you crazy?!” A soft, breathless, laugh escapes him. 

“Of course I would you idiot!” You remark with frustration. How could he possibly think you wouldn't? You'd do anything for the boy. 

“God, I love you so much," he mutters, placing a hand on either side of your head and planting a kiss on your forehead. 

“Are you sure you’re not hurt anywhere?” You check his body in a panic. 

“Yes, yes I’m okay!” He assures you. “Let’s get out of here before things get crazy again." 

Your eyes grow wide. “Agreed!” 

He looks over at you and Topper doting on each other. It makes him even more pissed off. "Great! Go baby him! Tend to your Kook Prince, you Princess!" He yells across the beach. 

John B covers his friend's mouth. "Shut up, JJ!" 

"Jesus JJ!" Pope huffs under his breath. 

You and Topper snap your heads in JJ's direction. As a result, Topper pulls you into his side securely. 

“We'll text you guys later!” Kelce calls out to you both as he and Rafe start backing toward their cars. 

“Stay close to me,” Topper slips his into yours, giving it a tight squeeze. “I’m never letting that psycho Pogue anywhere near you again!” 

When you arrive at Topper's car, he opens your door for you. He keeps a sharp eye on the Pogues that remain on the beach. When John B or any of them glance our way, he glares daggers in their direction. Once you climb in, Topper reaches in and begins to buckle your seat belt as though you were a toddler in a car seat. 

“Topper I think I can put on my own seat belt,” you 

“I know, Sweetheart. I’m just..." he stops his action, kneeling beside you. "I guess I’m still a little scared. I was so afraid when that gun was pointed at you, I... I couldn’t breathe. I can never lose you, Y/N,” he rushes out, becoming emotional. 

Your emotions become bottled up as a lump in your throat. You rub your fingers through Topper's hair and plant a kiss on his forehead. His hands glide around your waist to your back, hugging you needly. His head rests against your chest as you cradle it. 

Abruptly, he breaks from you as a thought pops into his mind. “Promises me that if there’s any dangerous situation like that again, you run!" He instructs sternly. "You don’t do anything reckless for my sake!” 

You shake your head frantically, already rejecting his words. “You would’ve done the same thing for me! You basically did!” You justify. 

“I’m seriously Y/N!" Topper stands his ground. Eagerly, he takes removes your hands from his hair and squeezes them in his own. "I could never live with myself if something happened to you! Never again!” 

You want to argue with him on it, claim that if he's going to be protective of you that he must understand that you'll be the same. Yet, nothing escapes you. Instead, you simply nod, not wanting to fight at this moment. 

He nods, satisfied by your compliance. “I love you, you know that right?” 

You nod. “I love you too, Topper." 

_________________________________________

JJ fell into a dark abyss of self-deprecation and destruction after the bonfire. The Pogues all drove back to John B's, but as soon as they got there JJ disappeared as he did the day before. All they can do is wonder where he goes. If they knew that he was at the bar searching for his dad half drunk, they would be stopping a second fight for the day. 

JJ can't help but feel responsible for it all. One minute he has you. You're right there. The next, you're gone, in the arms of Topper of all people. He wants to know if anything from the other night was real for you. Was he just a game to you? You're the Princess of the OBX, you can have anything you want, including JJ if you asked. Is that what happened? You wanted him for a night and then got bored and went back to your fellow Kook. He wishes he hadn't let you down. He wishes you were here. He wishes that he could hold you again and feel you in his arms. Waking up next to you was the best moment in his life and he fears he'll never feel that sort of peace again. 

______________________________________________________

You Topper spend the night at his house, too afraid to be apart. Late into the night, Topper struggles to fall asleep as he holds you. Your back is pressed to his chest as his hands rest against you underneath his shirt you're wearing. Every time he tries to close his eyes, he envisions what could've happened tonight. You could've been shot. Topper could never live with himself if anything happened to you. Moving slowly to not wake you, he rolls onto his back and reaches toward the nightstand for his phone. He begins to scroll through social media and text messages, responding in the group chat between you, Kelce, Rafe, and himself. You've all agreed to go to lunch tomorrow at the Club with some other Kooks from the bonfire. 

You stir next to Topper, making the boy pause for a second. When you roll over still asleep and curl into him, a wave of relief rushes over Topper. 

“Go back to sleep,” you yawn. 

Topper jumps at the sudden sound of your voice. “Shit... sorry Beautiful, I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“I’ve been awake. I could feel you overthinking," you whisper, scooting closer into his side. 

“You could feel me thinking?” He repeats with a hint of confusion.

You hum, as it makes perfect sense to you. You hear the sound of Topper pushing his phone back onto the side table. He rests his now free hand over your arm that lays across him. After a couple of minutes, you can still feel the tension radiating from him. 

“I’m okay, Topper,” you tell him to ease his nerves. 

“I know, I can’t just help but review the course of events in my head. What if he didn’t hesitate? What if his hand slipped? What if-“ 

“Enough!” You fly up to prop yourself up on your elbow. You stare down at the worried boy with sympathy. "You’re okay! I’m okay! What’s done is done and all we can do is be safe from now on. We’re safe!” You reach up and comb your fingers through the side of his hair. “Okay? It’s just you and me here.” 

Impulsively, Topper extends his neck and slams his lips to yours. You sit stunned as the kiss rides out its course. You and Topper go months without anything intimate and within two days, he's kissed you twice, breaking every ruled you two have made. When you don't react, Topper breaks from you with a startled expression, as if he wasn't comprehending his actions. 

“Y/N, I'm sorry! I-“ 

Before Topper can finish his sentence, you press your lips to his hungrily. You're not sure why, but you need him. Topper is your kryptonite, the bittersweet reality in your life. Forgetting his regret, Topper immediately sits up, resting against his headboard. You take the opportunity to straddle his torso and he keeps you steady with his hands on your hips. It's been ages since you've made out, but it's like riding a bike for you two. You know what each other likes and what gets the other going. 

"I've missed you so much," Topper whispers against your jawline as he moves down to leave marks on your neck. He aggressively attacks your sensitive skin where evidence of JJ remains. Deep down in the back of your mind, you know Topper is parking his territory for JJ to see later. Your skin has become a battleground for the two. "I've missed this." 

"Me too," you pant, silently wondering if you truly mean it in the same sense as him. 

Though you chose to kiss Topper back and want to, you can’t understand why JJ’s face enters your mind the moment you do. As you deepen the kiss with Topper, you chase the sensation he’s giving you. You're addicted to the way he makes you feel, it's familiar and reminds you of a time when you were carefree. Yet, your thoughts remain fixated on JJ. You want Topper, but all you can think about is JJ. 

__________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @starkeythinker @bethii1 @thegunnerkelly@cc13723things @hockeybabe87 @jolomez

[just-jordie-things]

Ghost

word count: 11,648 warnings: swearing, mentions of death, reader is an orphan,  summary: John B was the closest thing to family that (y/n) had left, and now he’s gone and disappeared.  Fortunately JJ’s there to help her feel whole again. based on this song ___

[ yelling at the sky, screaming at the world // baby why’d you go away?... heaven only knows where you are now ]

August 10th, 9:30 p.m (The Night Of The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“Unfortunately… we lost them” Officer Thomas said, hanging his head shamefully.

Pope broke down right away, Kiara at his side, comforting him with a hug and soft words.

“What do you mean you lost them?” JJ asked, jumping straight to anger.  “They’re just gone? They’re dead!?”

(y/n) stood back, glancing down at her cold hands, finding that they’ve begun to shake with the new information.  She didn’t know how to process what she was hearing.

“We don’t know for certain-” Thomas tried to explain, but JJ wasn’t having it, he lashed out completely.

“You drove them right into the storm!” He yelled, lunging for the cop, grabbing him by his shirt and shaking him violently.  “You killed them-!”

“JJ..” Kiara cried out, clutching tighter to Pope’s side as she began to quietly sob.

He released the cop with a shove, turning back to his remaining friends.  Pope pulled Kiara into his arms, crying into her hair silently.

But (y/n) was frozen in place, her expression hadn’t changed since Thomas had told them what happened.  Tears were streaming down her cheeks quickly, more and more spilling over with each passing second.  Her whole body shook, and she wrapped her arms around herself.  She wasn’t sure if it was the grief or the cold, but either way, her own embrace provided no comfort.

“(y/n/n)- sweetheart…” JJ stepped towards her, his hands outstretched for her to take if she needed, but she didn’t move.  Her eyes didn’t even meet his.

“John B…” She whimpered, her lip quivering as she sniffled.  “Sarah…”

When a sob escaped her, JJ was there in a second, grabbing onto her and holding her as tightly as he could in his arms.  She continued to sob, screaming and crying as her body finally reacted.

She thrashed in his hold, squirming and pushing at him, hands smacking at his arms and chest, trying to pry him off of her, even though deep down all she craved was to be held, comforted.

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair,” She was screaming, drawing the attention of the surrounding officers, as well as the Carreras and the Heywards who had shown up to comfort their children.

But (y/n) had no one to show up for her, they were all dead.

“It’s not fair- It's not fair it’s not fair” She continued to cry against JJ, until her knees gave out and she crumpled to the ground.  

The blonde boy followed with her, gathering her back in his arms no matter how much she fought and pushed him away.

But eventually her body tired out, and she gave in.  He could feel her slump into his shoulder as she rested all of her weight on him.  His own tears soaked into her hair and tee shirt as he dropped his face to her own shoulder.

“Not fair” She mumbled, on repeat, until her crying made her too incoherent to understand.  

He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do, he’d never seen (y/n) like this before, much less how you were supposed to react when your best friend, and your kinda new friend, were lost at sea.

“I’ve got you,” He said instead, knowing that there were no magic words to heal her.  “I’m here, I’ve got you”

They didn’t fix everything, but they seemed to do the trick, because she finally wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her hands fisting into the material of his shirt as she clutched onto him with the same intensity that he held her with.

They spent hours in that tent, long after Pope and Kiara’s parents took them home, they were still there.  Technically they were supposed to wait for a parent or guardian to pick them up.  But JJ’s father was a coked up piece of shit, and (y/n’s) parents were six feet underground.

She didn’t push him away again.  She spent the whole night in his arms, clinging onto him with an iron grip.  And ever since that night, she hasn’t really let go of him. ___

[ how do i love? how do i trust again? ]

September 10th, 3:00 a.m (One Month After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“Wake up, (y/n/n), wake up”

The girl gasped for air as her eyes flew open, and as quickly as she’d woken up, she settled back into her pillow, eyes falling shut again as she let out a sign.

“I was doing it again, wasn’t I?” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she tried not to cry, and tried not to remember the vivid details of her nightmare.

Which was more of a traumatic memory than a nightmare, really.

JJ, who was lying next to her, was quiet as he gazed down at her, watching her calm herself down as best she could.  He always gave her the space to relax on her own before stepping in.  He wanted her to know that she was capable of recovering on her own, but that he would still be there for her as soon as she needed him.

After a few deep breaths, the girl rolled onto her side, her face colliding with his chest as she continued her steady breathing.

“Will you hold my hand?” She mumbled, and he simply nodded, reaching for her trembling fingers, and gently slotting his fingers through hers.  She continued to tap her index finger over the back of his hand at a rapid pace.

She did this for a minute or two before speaking again.

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, baby, it’s alright,” He murmured to her softly, followed by a kiss to her forehead.  “I’ve got you”

A small choked sound came from her as tears threatened to well up in her eyes again.

She’d spent the last month in bed with him like this.  No matter how much time passed, and no matter how much her grief started to melt away and she began her coping process, she’d still wake up in the middle of the night from awful nightmares.

She hadn’t planned on being a regular guest in JJ’s bed at the Chateau, but she also didn’t have anywhere else to go.  She didn’t have a place of her own, she’d lived at the Chateau since she was six and John Routledge had taken her in.

She was just a child when her parents got into a freak boating accident and died at sea.  She hadn’t understood why she was put in the system, or why she couldn’t go home to her mom and dad.  But for some reason, her friend John B had gotten his dad to take her in, and after a day or two of moving in, she’d understood.

John and John B were her family now.

But then a year ago, John Routledge was declared lost at sea, and it was just her and John B.  It was hard, since he was pretty much the only father she’d ever known, and since he was announced dead, in the same way her parents had been.  At least she still had John B, who was a brother to her.

Fate had a sick sense of humor though, sending him off into a storm, likely killing him.

And she ended up losing him, too.

JJ’s free hand smoothed over her back, caressing her hair, and then rubbing circles over her back again.  He always did his best to comfort her in any way she needed.  And it had been a month of waking up with her to her nightmares, so he always knew just what to do.

“Can we go stay in his room?” She asked quietly.

That was a new request that JJ hadn’t been expecting, but nonetheless, he nodded, and helped her to sit up.  He reached his hands out for her, offering to help her get out of bed, but she limply hung her arms in the air, silently asking him to carry her.

“Alright, you big baby,” He teased in a tired murmur, and leaned over to wrap his arms around her torso, picking her up and pulling her into his chest.

Her legs instinctively wrapped around his hips, and her head laid down on his shoulder.  Had she not been so shaken up, she could have fallen right back asleep.

“But I’m only doing this cause you’re so damn cute” He told her as his hands shifted to hold her from under her legs, and he carefully made his way through the dark to get to John B’s room.

The flirty comment provoked a small and sleepy laugh from the girl.  It wasn’t much, but it was something, and it provided a certain comfort to JJ.  it had been a while since she truly laughed.  He missed the sound dearly.

(y/n) had spent some time in John B’s room during the long summer days.  But she’d never spent the night in it.

JJ would often find her in there, cleaning up, reorganizing his book shelf, playing his CD’s, feeding the fish he’d won at a carnival a year ago that was miraculously still alive- she’d do anything and everything to spend time in there.  To her, it was all that was left of him.

JJ had even caught her putting on his clothes, worn tee shirts, strangely-patterned button downs, sweaters that were too big for her- but she always took them off before anyone could see.  JJ pretended not to notice, and never said anything.  Both because he didn’t want her to feel embarrassed, but also because sometimes when she spent all of her time in that room, he’d feel just the tiniest amount of jealousy, and it made him feel ashamed.

[ i stay up all night, tell myself i’m alright // baby you’re just harder to see than most ]

“Alright, here we go, baby,” He said as he delicately set her down on the mattress.

(y/n) visibly deflated as she melted into the cool sheets.  Her limbs were still wrapped around JJ’s figure, so she pulled him down with her as she got situated, but he didn’t mind.

With great caution, he slipped out of her hold just enough to lay at her side, so that he wouldn’t pass out on top of her.

He watched as she seemingly relaxed for the night, finally.  She pressed her face deep into the pillow her head was under, taking in a deep breath, the lingering smell of cologne and the beach and something that was distinctly John B flooding her senses.

“It still smells like him” She murmured.  She doesn’t sound like she’s going to cry again, but JJ keeps a watchful eye on her, just in case.

When she exhaled, she opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.  He gave her a small smile, which she faintly returned before moving in closer to him.

“Thank you” She whispered as her forehead touched his gently.

His arms wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her into him completely.  And then he kissed her forehead again, and then her nose, before tucking her head against his chest, just under his chin.

She tended to lean her ear against his chest, using the steady beat of his heart to lure her to sleep.

“You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart” He told her, like he had a million times before.

“I know, you always say that,” (y/n) murmured, lips brushing over his neck as she spoke.  “But I mean it anyways.  Thank you, Jay”

Her hand finds a comfortable place to rest just over his heart, and soon she’s drifting back to a seemingly peaceful sleep.  JJ just hopes she makes it through the night.

He lets his hand brush through her hair, untangling the locks until his fingers can run perfectly smooth through it.  He does this until he falls asleep. ___

[ i put the record on, wait till i hear our song // every night i’m dancing with your ghost ]

July 4th, 10:00 p.m (A Month Before The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

Neither of them had made a move yet, but they both knew all too well that there was something between them.  Something fiery and exciting, something soft and intimate.

JJ always flirted with (y/n), long before he realized he actually had feelings for one of his closest Pogue friends.  They’d been friends since they were kids, and they’d technically been living together for the past few months, but only recently had it dawned on him that he was falling in love with her, and it was happening fast.

“As flattering as I find your staring, you look very zoned out,” Her voice drew him from his thoughts, and he found himself grinning as (y/n) walked up to him, beer in hand.

John B and Pope had thrown a Fourth of July kegger, and it was probably the craziest party they’d had in years.  Tourons and Kooks had shown up from all over the island, and every kid on The Cut made an appearance that night.

A couple of Kooks had even brought in their own kegs to help supply the party with enough beer.

But despite all the people here, all the hot Tourons to be exact, JJ had been content that (y/n) had approached him, with her sweet smile and revealing bikini.

“What’s goin’ through that pretty head of yours, hm?” She asked, only half teasing.

All summed had been like this.  The flirting intensified, and they both stopped pursuing one night stands with the Tourons that came to these things.

“Absolutely nothing,” JJ grinned back at her, and she laughed, believing him.  “Where you been all night? Fighting off all these guys I hope?” He asked, half joking.

Coincidentally, a group of basic white tourist boys walked past, one of them letting out a low whistle as their eyes wandered over (y/n’s) figure.

JJ scowled at him, stepping forward threateningly, one of his arms instinctively wrapping around the girl’s waist as he glared down the Touron until he cowered away.

“Wow,” (y/n) chuckled, one of her hands pressing against JJ’s chest, but she didn’t push him away, so he didn’t move.  “You made your point tough guy, jesus,” She said, raising her brows at him.  “Jealous much?”

“Me? Jealous?” He asked with a scoff, to which (y/n) mimicked the sound.

“That’s real hot coming from the most jealous and pissed off guy in the OBX” She teased with a growing smirk on her lips.

“Well, sure, but I’m not jealous of that guy,” JJ told her, gesturing at the lame Touron who was miserably failing at shotgunning a beer.

But as he watched the idiot with an amused grin, (y/n) just smiled up at the blonde boy, admiring his side profile for a moment.

Unlike most stories of friends who became lovers, where they weren’t sure when their friendship blossomed into something more, (y/n) knew exactly when she fell for JJ.

It had been last summer.  They’d been on the HMS Pogue on a fishing trip, and while she’d never been fishing before, she was eager to let JJ and Pope teach her how.  When she caught her first fish, JJ had cheered, but he could tell that it made her sad to throw it in the cooler.  So he told her it was alright if she wanted to throw it back.  He showed her how to carefully take the fish off the lure so it wouldn’t be as hurt, and let her throw it back in the water.

He must have felt her staring, because suddenly he was turning back to her, his eyes locking on hers instantly.

“Look who’s starin’ now” He teased, his fingers brushing against her hips in an attempt at tickling her.

She giggled and wiggled a bit, but she still didn’t pull away from him.

They were very close, so close that if JJ hadn’t been wearing his hat backwards, then its brim would have been bumping into her forehead.  So close, that she could just faintly feel his warm breath hitting the bridge of her nose.  So close, that it would be so easy to kiss him right now.

Curiously, her eyes wandered down to his lips, pink and inviting, begging to be kissed, she thought.  No wonder girls would throw themselves at him, he had the most perfect looking pair of lips.

Of course, before she could decide if it was worth it to throw reason (and the only Pogue rule) out the window, Rafe and Topper were causing trouble somewhere on the beach, and soon JJ was peeling himself away from her and racing off towards the conflict.

He was always there to end it, never one to shy away from a fight.  (y/n) had come to terms with that a long time ago, knowing it was something she’d never be able to change.

But looking back on it, if he hadn’t left her to get his ass kicked by Rafe Cameron, then they probably would have crossed that line between friendship and something more that very night. ___

[ Never got a chance to say a last goodbye ]

September 15th, 9:45 a.m (Two Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

The sun was unrelenting as it shined in through the window, forcing (y/n) to wake up despite her longing to sleep in bed all day.  It wouldn’t be the first time that she refused to get out of bed.

But she told herself that she should.  The sun was telling her that she should.  Even if she did manage to close her eyes and ignore the brightness streaming into the room, she knew she wouldn’t sleep comfortably.

Today, she was going to get up and make herself breakfast.  That felt like a good start for taking care of herself today.

She rolled over with a groan, in an attempt to reach for JJ to see if he was awake.  Some mornings he would wake up before her and she’d find him laying there on his phone, but sometimes he would just peacefully lay there as he waited for her to wake up.

However, as she lazily slung her hand towards the other side of the bed, she only ended up hitting pillows.  And suddenly the easy morning started to turn upside down.

Don’t freak out, she told herself, even as she scurried out of bed.  

Don’t panic, it’s fine, he’s probably just watching tv in the living room.  

As she was about to run out of the room, she decided at the last second it was probably best to throw on a pair of shorts.  The large tee shirt she well fell just past all of her curves, but it would be embarrassing if she ran through the Chateau in front of Pope and Kiara in a worried panic without pants on.

Or maybe he’s making breakfast, like that one time he brought you breakfast in bed, that was really sweet.

None of the calming ideas that crossed her mind actually calmed her, as she searched through the living room, there was no sign of JJ.  The kitchen was empty, the bathroom door was hung ajar, and also empty.

There was a logical explanation for him not being here, deep down she knew that, but then why didn’t he leave a note? Or wake her to let her know he’d be leaving? Why would he leave without saying anything at all? Didn’t he know that this was her worst fear come to life, again?

Panic took over, and next thing she knew she couldn’t take in enough air as her throat closed up and her legs stopped working.  She stood in the living room for a solid minute, hands glued to her head, fists tugging on her hair tightly in a terrible attempt to ground herself to the moment and not spiral any further.

But her heavy breaths turned to sobs and she didn’t know she was crying until she felt the tears on her cheeks.

There’s a logical explanation, there’s a logical explanation, she repeated in her head like a mantra, hoping to god that she’d start believing it soon.

Slowly, she crouched down on the floor, because sometimes when she had panic attacks she got dizzy so it was better to sit down now.

Or maybe he went boating with Pope, they like to fish early in the morning, she thought.  Maybe they hit something, the marsh is always changing with the weather.  Maybe the boat capsized, maybe they drowned to their deaths-

No! Don’t think that!

The sobbing got worse as she assumed the worst, taking in gasping breaths of air, desperate to fill her lungs that felt like they were about to collapse.

Maybe they went into town to pick up breakfast.  Maye they got stopped by Kooks, or Barry, maybe they were murdered in cold blood-

The girl whimpered, trying to ward off the horrific images rolling through her mind, but as terrible as they were, she reminded herself that these weren’t unrealistic worries, that these things had happened before, and would happen again.

He promised me he wouldn’t get on a fucking boat, he promised me he’d start biking around the island, she told herself.  JJ wouldn’t break a promise to her, especially that one, but the anxiety inside of her was still whispering into her ear, telling her that all of her friends very well could have been gone forever.

Maybe he just left.  Maybe he got sick and tired of waiting around.  Maybe he was just being a nice guy the last two months.  Maybe he didn’t care anymore.  Maybe he didn’t miss John B or Sarah.  Maybe he finally fled for the mainland like he’s been talking about since he was a kid.  Maybe he’s with a girl.  Maybe he didn’t care about you anymore.

Her hands covered her face, wishing that she could just stop and focus on something else, calm her breathing.  She wanted to run out of the Chateau and go looking around the island, but she remained frozen on the floor.

“(y/n)?” A voice called, and she could faintly hear the screen door swinging open and then shut.  “Woah, hey, (y/n/n)”

Through blurry eyes, she could just barely make out Pope’s figure, kneeling in front of her.

Pope, Pope is here, she thought to herself, and it sort of helped relax her.  You’re not alone, Pope is here.

She shakily reached her hands out to him, grabbing onto his forearms and anchoring herself to him.

He’s real, he’s right here.  His hands are holding your elbows, he’s real.

“Breathe, (y/n), deep breaths, you can do it,” His initially stressed voice calmed when he realized that she was having a panic attack.  He’d seen her have them once or twice before, but it was always JJ who rushed in and helped her out of them.  “Copy my breathing, can you do that?” He asked.

She nodded her head, eyes meeting his as he took in a long and deep breath, held it for three seconds, and then slowly let it out.  He kept on repeating that action until her exhales weren’t shaky, and her body relaxed.

“There you go, you’ve got it, you’re alright…” He said smoothly.

His thumbs caressed over her arms gently, reminding her silently that he was there for her, that he cared about her.

“You want to talk about it?” He offered, and (y/n) shut her eyes tightly, willing the rest of her tears to dry up.

“I- I woke up and- and-”

When she began to stutter, Pope hushed her soothingly, and helped her through another breathing exercise.

“Okay, now try again,” He said softly, once her breaths evened out again.  “Slowly”

“I woke up,” She said, slowly, and then exhaled.  “And JJ wasn’t there- and then he wasn’t out here-”

When the rambling began again, she breathed in deeply again.

“It’s alright, he’s right outside,” Pope told her, relieved that the problem had an easy solution..  “You want to go out and see him?”

(y/n) nods back at him, and he helps her stand.

“Kie and I came over this morning, we brought donuts,” He said, hugging her into his side.  “We were just on the porch, Jay said you were asleep”

Pope opened the front door for her, as they went onto the porch, and her entire body relaxed as her eyes landed on JJ.

He was sitting on the beat up sofa that had been out there since forever, while Kiara was leaning against the citing of the house, a blunt between her fingers.

JJ smiled as (y/n) came out with Pope, tucked into his side the way a child clings to their mother at large events.

“Morning baby,” He calls to her, and pats the space next to him on the couch, before resting his arm over the back of the cushions.  

In no time she peels away from Pope and is sliding into the space under his arm, her side and her legs pressed up against him.  It feels like that first sip of coffee in the morning, and she forgets about the anxiety attack she’d had just moments ago.

He eyes the way she’s twirling the ring around her thumb, almost obsessively.  She hasn’t taken it off since he’d given it to her, and he doesn’t think she ever will.

“You hungry? Kie and Pope brought donuts” He offered, gesturing to the box on the decorative table Kiara was standing next to.

“Maybe in a little bit” She mumbled, her head falling against his shoulder as she let herself feel relieved.

Some days it was hard to feel content with being content.  But JJ was a huge help with that.  His presence alone was enough to calm her, that much was obvious.

He’s a little thrown off, but wraps his arm around her nonetheless.  His rings are a chill on her hot skin, but it’s somehow comforting.

Panic attack, Pope mouths when the blonde boy looks to him, silently asking what happened.

JJ nods discreetly, before glancing down at the girl under his arm.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

Kiara and Pope pretended to argue over the last chocolate sprinkled donut, so that they had a little bit of privacy between them.

“Fine, now,” She whispers back.

Her fingers aimlessly play with the chain around his neck.

“I- I had a panic attack” She admits.

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asked as the tips of his fingers grazed up and down her arm.

She lifts her head to look at him properly, her fingers still twirling his necklace around her fingers.

“Um… you just… you weren't inside…”

It felt embarrassing to admit that something as simple as that had set her off.  When she was in the moment it was a lot more terrifying.  But JJ made sure she wasn’t ashamed of that feeling.

“Well, I’m right here,” He told her with a grin.  “You know you can’t get rid of me that easy” He added, hugging her tight against him and kissing the top of her head.

She always went pink when he did that, that’s why he did it more often than he used to.

“I know,” She mumbled back.  “I just… you know…”

She doesn’t know what she wants to say.  That she’s scared to lose him too? That he’s the only anchor she had left? The only remnants of family she had left? That she loved him more than words could describe?

Whatever she had planned on filling the blank with, JJ seemed to understand her perfectly.  He’d gotten really good at understanding what she was trying to say in between the words she was actually saying.

“I know, baby,” He says softly.

Her head falls back onto his shoulder.  Selfishly, she wished that she could sit here with him like this every day.  Maybe then she'll start to really feel better.

Meanwhile there’s a nagging feeling in JJ’s chest.  Worry, fear, something terrible that began to manifest.  An anxiousness that (y/n) won’t emotionally recover from the disappearance of their friends.

He knew grief took time, that learning to cope took time.  But she’d already had to face those things time and time again, what if this was it? What if this was the last straw, and she gave into them?

His arm around her tightened a little, and (y/n) hummed as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.  She placed a little kiss there before sighing.

“Thanks, Jay,” She mumbles.  “You always know just what I need”

He doesn’t say anything, just smiles and rubs her arm comfortingly.

Despite her words, he still worries on the inside. ___

[ i gotta move on, but it hurts to try ]

August 10th, 1:00 a.m (The Night Of The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

(y/n) and JJ had been stuck under police supervision for the last three and a half hours, sitting under the large tents, listening to the heavy rainfall while passing officers would offer their condolences.

It was all bullshit though, and it was starting to piss (y/n) off.

But finally they were allowed to go home, and were escorted to the Chateau.  Which is where they stood now.

(y/n) looked like she was glued to the floorboards of the porch, frozen in place like a statue.  The wind whipped at her hair and the rain still hit them even as they stood under the little roof over them.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” JJ said, reaching out to take her hand, but even as he tugs, she hardly moves.  “(y/n)-”

“I don’t want to,” She mumbles, eyes trained on the front door.

A part of her longed to see John B appear, open the door with a laugh and scold the pair for standing outside in the rain.  The harder she looks, the more she wishes to see him there.

“But I don’t have anywhere else to go” She whimpered, finally tearing her eyes away from the door to look at him.

JJ steps forward, his arm wrapping around her back as he slowly guides her inside.  Her feet shuffle along, but they barely lift off the ground, and she’s barely moving.  He’s just glad to get her inside and out of the rain.

“I just don’t want you to catch a cold, sweetheart” He told her, which was true, but he just needed to say anything to get her to come into the house.  He didn’t know what he’d do if she refused.

“I don’t care” She mumbled, but she was already standing at the inside of the doorway.

“Shoes off,” JJ told her, having already left his shoes at the door and was heading into the house.  “You know how JB feels about shoes in the house”

(y/n) nods, shakily, and starts to kick off her shoes

But now all she can think about is the first time she’d accidentally tracked mud into the house, and how funny it was when John B freaked out.  Thinking about it now, it was just sad.

When JJ came back in the room, she was crying again, silently, she might not have even been aware she was doing it.  She was untying the laces on her boots as tears spilled over her cheeks.

“Come on,” He spoke, and suddenly there was a towel wrapped around her shoulders.  “Let’s go get you cleaned up, okay?”

“No,” She mumbled.  “I just want to lay down”

Her hands gripped onto the fluffy towel almost violently, her knuckles were white, and her hands shook from the force.  JJ noticed.

“And you will, but you’ve got to shower first,” He said.  “Look at you, you’re soaked to the bone from the rain-”

“JJ-”

“No arguments, lets go” He replied, quiet and calm as ever.

She gave in, mostly because he didn’t have the energy to argue with him.  And then she was back to shuffling along with him to the bathroom.

She stood uselessly at the door while he turned the shower on for her.

“How hot do you want it?” He asked, one hand on the noz and the other under the stream of water

She shrugged, mumbled incoherently.

“You’ve got to speak up, honey” JJ said.

“I don’t care” She mumbled a little louder, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Yeah you do, I’ll put it on hot” He answered for her, and adjusted the nozzle accordingly.

But as he turned back, about to leave the room, she didn’t bother to move.  Her eyes were downcast, and her hands had released the towel only to wring her hands together.

“Hey, I’ll be in my room, you can-”

“Wait-”

She grabbed his wrist before he could leave the room, and her glossy eyes met his, her mouth opened but no words came out, so she closed it again.  He waited until she could find the right words.

“Please- please don’t leave me in here-”

Her breathing grew ragged and the tears started to fall from her eyelashes, and JJ nodded at her, silently confirming he'd stay so she would feel safe.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stay right here,” He told her, both of his hands wrapping around hers.  “I’ll wait right in here for you, alright?”

She nods, still a bit shaky, but she turns towards the shower and slowly works on taking off her clothes, so he thinks he’s doing the right thing.

In all honesty, he had no idea what the right thing to do was.  As he turned his back to her and stressfully ran his hands through her hair, he didn’t know what to say or do, what the right way to comfort someone was.

He knew that Kiara and Pope were at home with their families, probably hugging, telling each other they love each other, the kind of shit you see in movies.

But you didn’t see this part of the movie.  The part where the girl you love is going borderline catanoic as she stands in the shower, limbs heavy and heart shattered.

Was he supposed to talk to her? Offer what few comforting words he knew how to say? Was he supposed to tell her he was there for her, that he loved her and he would never leave her? Was that an overload of information?

“JJ?” (y/n) called from the other side of the shower curtain.

“I’m here” He said, sitting on the toilet seat so he’d be right next to her.

She peeled back the curtain, just enough to peek her head out, and then held her hand out to him.  A slight frown tugged on his lips, but he reached his hand out to hers anyways, softly clasping onto it, as though if he’d put any pressure into holding it, then she’d break like a porcelain doll.

She closed the curtain again and went about her shower.  It wasn’t a bother with only one hand, but JJ could still hear her soft whimpers from inside.

After ten minutes she turned off the water.

“Close your eyes” She directed, her voice was still a mumble, but without the noise of the water running JJ heard her clearly, and followed her order.

Her hand let go of his as she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself, but it was only briefly, as she was grabbing onto it again as soon as she was covered up.  She gave it a small squeeze to let him know that she was decent.

When he looked up at her, she was staring down at their hands, focused on the rings on his fingers.

The one on his thumb, she had given to him.  Not for a special occasion, she’d just found it in a shop and thought it would look fitting and cool on him.  

She was right.  

He never took it off.

There was another ring on his middle finger, that one was from John B.  He’d swiped it from a second hand shop because it had a neat but very faint engraving of a snake around it.  He’d originally stolen it for himself, but it hadn’t fit right, so he handed it off to JJ.

(y/n) ran the pad of her thumb over the engraving now.  The snake wasn’t very visible, but she could still feel it.

JJ squeezed her hand, drawing her eyes back to his.

She wasn’t whimpering anymore, but the tears hadn’t stopped.  She had to be exhausted.

“I’ve gotta take a shower baby,” He said softly.  “You want to go to bed?”

She shook her head, looking back at his rings.

“You want to wait in here?” He asked.

With a small nod from her, he stood up, pressing a quick and gentle kiss to the crown of her head before turning the water and going through the same routine again.

It took some time as he showered and (y/n) waited for him on the toilet.  When he’d finished and gotten out to find that she was still wrapped in her towel, he’d convinced her to let him help her change into pajamas.

When she’d finished, she wrapped her arms around his neck, stepping forward and hugging him gently, with little to no force at all.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed” JJ said, lifting her up with ease, one arm hooked under her legs and the other.

“You’ll stay, right?” She asks meekly as he brings her to his room.

“Of course” He hums back.

They get situated under the covers, and finally (y/n’s) tears seem to stop.  JJ doesn’t keep his hopes up, though.

He pulls her head to his chest, one arm wrapping around her back at his other hand takes a hold of hers.  For good measure, she hooks her leg over one of his, just to be sure she won’t roll away from him in her sleep.

“You won’t leave?” She murmurs.

The exhaustion and the misery that her body is facing is clear to him as she tilts her head back to look at him.

He gives her a small smile, before letting go of her hand, so that he can take the ring off of his middle finger.  He takes her hand again, and slides it over her thumb.  It’s a little loose, enough that she can twirl it around with ease.

“Now you can have a little bit of both of us with you,” JJ says to her.  “I’m not goin’ anywhere”

She doesn’t quite smile, but her expression relaxes as she looks at him, and he takes it as a good sign.

“I’ve got you, baby” He tells her softly as she settles against him, sleep finally starting to overcome her.

“I can’t lose you too” She tells him right before her body gives out. ___

[ how do i love? how do i trust again? ]

November 10th, 6:30 p.m (Precisely Three Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

(y/n) had been sitting on the couch all afternoon, replaying the day’s events in her head like a flashback scene in a movie.

She’d woken up with JJ, they made breakfast and went on a walk, avoiding the beach.  They went to visit Kiara at The Wreck with Pope, and then went back to the Chateau to do some chores.

(y/n) liked to keep the place tidy and clean.  It gave her something to do, and deep down, she knew that if John B came home, he’d be happy to see everything was just how he left it.  If not a little more organized thanks to her.

And then they’d gotten the call from the Sheriff’s Department.

JJ came into the room, a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of advil in the other.

“Here” He said, handing them both to her.

“I don’t need it, my head doesn’t hurt” (y/n) replied quietly, barely even looking at him.

“Not now, but from the look on your face I can tell it’s going to soon.  Just take it now, please” JJ said, holding out the cup and bottle towards her again.

(y/n) gave in, knowing he was right, and there was no use in arguing with him because he’d only bother her until she just took the pill.

JJ sat down next to her as she swallowed down the medicine, along with a few more drinks of water.  She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was, and suddenly wondered how long she’d been sitting there.

“Where do you think they are?” JJ asked out of nowhere, and she turned to him.

“What?” She asked, voice barely above a mumble.

“John B and Sarah,” He said their names so easily, so casually her heart clenched.  

She almost never spoke their names.  And when she did, she was usually in a fit of tears.

“Where do you think they are?” JJ repeated his question.

(y/n’s) mouth opened, then closed.  And then open and closed again.  She didn’t understand what he was asking.

JJ could tell, and he sat back to stretch out on the soda, his legs kicking out as his back leaned against the arm rest.  (y/n) turned her body to look at him properly, but didn’t crawl into his arms like he’d expected.  She was too confused trying to comprehend what he was saying.

“I think they’re in Florida,” JJ thought aloud, realizing (y/n) wasn’t going to entertain the question.  “And I think they got married”

“Married?” She mumbled, blinking at him.  “You think they’re... alive?”

“Of course,” JJ said, as sincerely as he could.  “Don’t you?”

She doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t have to.

“There’s no way they aren’t.  John B’s a pretty tough guy, and Sarah’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.  More stubborn than you” He spoke with such ease, it threw (y/n) off.  

His knee knocked against her side, and he held his hand out to her, beckoning her to lay with him.

Warily, she leaned forward, crawling into the space between his legs, and then flipping over to rest back against his chest.  JJ’s arms wrapped around her middle naturally, and he continued to let his thoughts roam free.

“Do you think they’ve got some new treasure hunt going down there?” He whispered into her ear.

“Yes” (y/n) replied, finally giving in to the conspiracy.

“Yeah?” JJ asked, glad that was entertained by the idea, and hopefully comforted too.

“Yeah… I’ll bet… I’ll bet they’re tracking more gold… or… or jewels… or something”

JJ smiled at how hard she tried to let herself get used to the idea.  He knew how badly she wanted to move on, and how she felt stuck in the past.  This was a significant step forward, and he was more proud of her than he let on.  He just didn’t want her to think he pitied her.

“They’re probably filthy rich by now,” JJ told her.  “She’s probably turned him full Kook”

“In a good way,” (y/n) spoke, her smile shining through her words.  “He was so…”

“Whipped” JJ muttered.

“In love,” (y/n) corrected with a soft exhale.  “They only had a week together before they… left,” She said carefully.  “And I… I’ve known John B my whole life and he’d never looked at anyone the way he looked at Sarah”

From where her head laid on his chest, JJ couldn’t see well, but he just knew that she was smiling as she spoke, reminiscing in the good memories.

“So you think they got married when they got to Florida?” JJ asked, speaking it like it was a truth.

“Yeah, I think they just might have,” (y/n) said.  She thought for a moment, and then let out a small giggle.

He was surprised by the sound, especially when it erupted into more joyous laughter.

“You know,” She ponders aloud, “I think that when they got wherever they were headed, and realized they were safe and alive, he proposed to her right then”

“Yeah?” JJ asked, amused, and revelling in the sound of her laughter.  

He had missed the sound so much, he’d worried he’d never hear it again.  He closed his eyes as he listened to her soft giggles, and melted at the way her back slightly shook against his chest.

“Yeah,” (y/n) confirmed, and one of her hands reached for his that lied on her stomach.  “It probably wasn’t romantic at all.  He probably didn’t even get on one knee”

“You’re so right,” JJ laughed with her.  “He probably was just like ‘we should get married’ and Sarah was like ‘oh John B, i love you!’ And-”

(y/n) burst into laughter at JJ’s high pitched impression of Sarah.  It didn’t sound like her, it didn’t even sound like any girl, but it made her belly laugh, and she sat up slightly so she could turn to look at him.

“Why are you laughing at me? That was a spot on impression” He told her.

“No, it wasn’t,” (y/n) said, shaking her head as she looked down at him.

There were crinkles at her eyes and her lips were pulled into the widest smile he’d seen from her in months.

He had convinced himself that he wasn’t 100% sure what love felt like, but right now it felt like his heart might just burst because of it.

He hadn’t just missed her laugh.  He’d missed her.

“It’s almost like you have no idea what a woman sounds like- but Jay, you’ve been living with one for like three years now- what?” (y/n) had cut herself off from her teasing when she saw the way he was staring at her.

He looked sad, but he was smiling, so she didn’t know what to think.  Usually she could read him pretty well, but she’d never seen this look before.

“What?” She asked again.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason, I just…”

JJ sits up, trying to find the right words as he instinctively grabs a hold of her.  She turns to face him again, her legs hooking behind him as she waits for him to continue.

“I’m just thinking” He finishes.

“Well that’s dangerous,” She replies, the banter coming as naturally as it used to.  She lets out a little snort of a laugh as she smiles at him.  “What about?”

JJ’s hands smooth around her hips, the way they did earlier when they’d gotten the call from Officer Thomas himself, but now it wasn’t to comfort, it was simply because he could.

“You ever think about what would have happened if we never went on that treasure hunt?” He asked, quietly, like he was trying not to upset her.

She goes still, but she doesn’t push him away, and she doesn’t choke up.

“All the time” She murmurs back.

Her voice comes out through a quiet exhale, and if he wasn’t so close, he might not have heard it.  But in the last three months his ears had been practically trained to hear her every breath, and catch on to every mumble.

“Really?” He asked, and she nodded, her bottom lip tucking in between her teeth as she looked back at him.

“Of course,” She quietly replied.  “How else do you think I keep sane during all the quiet moments?”

It’s a sweet thing to say, paired with a soft smile that JJ felt relieved to see.

“Well then what do you think we’d be doing right now?”

“Something stupid,” She answered right away, followed by a small laugh.  “Something sketchy.  That’s all we ever did”

“We fished too, fishing’s legal.  And surfing, that’s legal too”

“That’s fair,” (y/n) hummed.  “Kie and Sarah would’ve gotten along better,” She added.  “It would’ve been nice to have a girls day”

“I’ll have a girls day with you” JJ told her, making her laugh again.

“I know you would,” She said, setting her hands on his shoulders.  “But it’s not the same”

JJ shrugged.

“You can braid my hair and put makeup on me, what else do you do on a girls day?” He asked, and again, she giggled.

He hoped he could keep making her laugh.

“What do you think we’d be up to?” She asked once the laughter subsided and she was left staring into those baby blue eyes again.

“Macking”

The laughter bubbled back over, her hands swatting at his shoulders as she threw her head back.

“Well you don’t have to laugh that much,” JJ said, brows furrowed as he pouted.  “It’s true, we would be”

“Maybe,” (y/n) corrected.  “If you’d ever actually made a move, maybe”

“What do you mean ever actually made a move?” He asked, offended.  “I maed plenty of moves! Lots and lots of moves”

“Oh really?” (y/n) asked, quirking an eyebrow.  “I don’t think we’re remembering it the same way, because I only seem to remember you scaring other boys away from me...”

“Well, yeah, among other things,” JJ said, shrugging casually.  “Can’t have a bunch of lame Tourons crowding my girl”

She laughed at his idea of flirting, but she knew fully well that it had always worked.  JJ Maybank was charming in his own unique way, and even now it made her melt in his hands.

“So you’re saying that eventually you would have done something about it?”

“About it?”

“Yeah, you know, whatever was… between us,” (y/n) clarified, her finger twirling around the space between them.  “I have a hard time believing you would have asked me out”

“I would have!” JJ said, pretending to take offense at her accusation.  “Eventually”

“Mhm,” She hummed, and then shook her head.  “Well, we’ll never know now,” She sighed, dropping her hands to her lap as she started to fiddle.  “I think we skipped a couple steps”

“I think we skipped all the steps, sweetheart,” JJ chuckled, taking her hands so she would stop fidgeting.  “But that’s alright, I wouldn’t take it any other way.  You’d be the only one for me no matter what happens,”

Her face turns a rosy shade of pink, which brings JJ to kiss both of her cheeks with a proud grin.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked.  “Have the what are we conversation”

Surprisingly, (y/n) shrugs and shakes her head.

“I mean, I don’t think we really have to, do you?” She asks softly.  “If there’s no one else for you, and no one else for me…” She trails off, her eyes flickering in between his.  “I think it’s pretty clear to me”

“Yeah,” JJ agrees, nodding his head.  “Pretty clear,” He repeats.  “I just hope you know what you’re getting into” He teases.

She giggles, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leaned in closer.

“I’ve lived with you for quite some time now, I think I know exactly what I’m getting into”

There’s a beat that passes between them, a quiet, contemplative beat.

But then (y/n’s) shaking her head, and she’s smiling at him so brightly that it’s contagious.

And then she leans over just a little bit, just enough to tenderly press her lips against his.

He’s quick to react, his hands reaching up to her face, pulling her impossibly closer to him.

She’s so slow and careful with her movements, and JJ thinks it might have been the softest kiss he’s ever been given.  Her lips are warm, inviting, and he begins to kick himself for not making a proper move on her back when everything wasn’t so heavy.

They pull away, their grins equally wide, and (y/n) leans her forehead into his, her eyes still shut.  JJ stares at her, awestruck, admiring every curve and freckle on her face.

His hands fall to her waist again, and he pulls her down onto the couch with him, allowing her to tuck herself in against his side as they lay comfortably.

They talk for a long time, theorizing on where they’d be now in another life, and what Sarah and John B are up to, wherever they are.  There’s a few tears that JJ has to wipe from the girl’s cheeks, but she’s smiling.

She has hope, for the first time in months, she’s filled with hope and love and deep down she truly believes things will get better.

Even if the day started with the Sheriff’s Department calling to let them know that John B and Sarah Cameron are officially and legally declared dead, since they’d been missing for three months.

It might get worse before it gets better.  But it was bound to get better. ___

[ i stay up all night, tell myself i’m alright // baby you’re just harder to see than most ]

February 19th, 2:45 p.m (Six Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“I’m not sayin’ that I will key their cars,” JJ argues, “I’m just saying that I would!”

Pope and Kiara burst into fits of laughter, knowing full well that JJ would bust up Kook property at any given chance, even unprovoked.

(y/n) rolled her eyes from next to him, patting his arm gently.

“Sure, Jay, sure” She says, completely unconvinced.

Normally he’d continue to argue that he was just making a joke, but no one would believe him, and truth be told, he wouldn’t even believe himself.

They’d all gotten together today to hang out and eat lunch at The Wreck.  It was one of Kiara’s off days, so for once she actually got to sit at the table with her friends.  It was a nice afternoon, and definitely much needed quality time.

“You want more water?” (y/n) hummed, already picking up her and JJ’s empty glasses.

“Sure, thanks,” He answered with a charming smile while she got up.  “Oh, but wait” He called, reaching out for her arm before she could walk away.

“What?”

He tugged on her arm so she would bend over and he could swiftly kiss her cheek.  She giggled, swatting gently at his bicep, but nonetheless she blushed as she headed off to the counter.

Kiara and Pope each made their faces at JJ.  Winks, wiggling eyebrows, wide eyes, smirks, they couldn’t help it.

“Shut up, both of you” JJ chuckled before they could even say anything.

“We didn’t say anything” Pope grumbled.

“It’s just about time, that’s all,” Kiara said, putting her hands up in surrender.  “You two have been dancing that dance for years”

JJ didn’t say anything, just smiled as he poked around his plate of fries.

“Look at him, he’s so in love with her” Kiara cooed.

But Pope wasn’t looking at him at all, he’d turned in his seat when he’d caught sight of Rafe Cameron eyeing (y/n).  He’d known it wasn’t a good sign.

“Pope,” Kiara called, trying to get his attention, but realized his gaze was focused elsewhere.  “What are you…” She trailed off, turning to follow his line of sight.

She only groaned at the sight of Rafe, before turning back to their own table.  Kooks came to The Wreck on occasion, but not usually Kooks like Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton, who were in a booth across the restaurant.

“What’s he doing?” Pope mumbled, now watching Rafe get up from his booth, and make his way to the counter, where (y/n) was chatting with one of the servers.

JJ started to get up, but Pope was quick to put a hand up.

“Wait, doesn’t start anything,” He warned, and for some reason, JJ listened to him.  “(y/n) was friends with Sarah”

“That guy’s a fucking prick- and a murderer-” JJ started to argue, but Pope hushed him, telling him to keep his voice down.

“Just wait a minute before you swoop in there and make a scene,” Pope said.  “He’s Sarah’s brother, Sarah was a good person”

JJ muttered a string of profanities, but sat back down in his seat.  He didn’t take his eyes away from the counter though.

“(y/n) (y/l/n),” Rafe called, letting out a low whistle that made JJ bristle.  “Long time no see”

(y/n) barely looked at him before shooting her gaze down to the cups of water.  JJ can tell that she’s playing with the ring on her thumb.

“Yeah, I haven’t really been… around” She’d answered.

“Why doesn’t he just say his piece and leave” JJ muttered, both of his hands in his lap, curling into tight fists.

“That’s too bad” Rafe responded.

(y/n) wasn’t giving him any of her attention, so JJ knew he shouldn’t be so upset right now.  But he didn’t trust Rafe for as far as he could throw him, and he definitely didn’t trust him around (y/n).

“She can hold her own” Pope reminded him, knowing that JJ was starting to see red.

Yeah, but he’s a creep, he thought to himself.

“I’m sorry about Sarah,”

(y/n) spoke suddenly, soft and sweet, displaying nothing but kindness to a boy she knew wouldn’t know what kindness felt like if someone handed it right to him.

“I didn’t get to know her as well as I would have liked, but… I did like her a lot.  She was definitely a special-”

Rafe cut her off before she could say anything more.

“Well, you move on fast, don’t you?” He snarled.

(y/n) blinked, eyes going wide at the rude comment, even if she didn’t understand it.

“What-?”

“Your Pogue boyfriend’s only dead for a few months and you’ve already latched onto another, huh?” He asked, gesturing towards JJ.

(y/n’s) eyes wandered over to her boyfriend, who had just stood up from his seat with such force it fell backwards, and was now making his way over.

Please don’t get in a fight, she begged silently.  Please don’t make a scene, this isn’t worth the attention of the whole restaurant.

“Rafe, you’ve got it all wrong,” She told him quietly, trying to diffuse the situation herself.  “John B wasn’t my boyfriend, we grew up together, he was a brother to me-”

“You’re disgusting,” Rafe spat at her.  “If it wasn’t for your Pogue friends and your Pogue slut self, Sarah wouldn’t be dead right now!”

It felt like (y/n’s) heart stopped at the cruel accusation, and for a moment, she thought she might burst into tears in front of him.

“She’s not dead” She mumbled, her throat going tight.

JJ was at her side in a second, his arm winding around her hips and pulling her into him, about to drag her away without a word to Rafe.  He knew she didn’t want him to act out, and as hard as it was, he didn’t want to let her down.

He prompted her to follow him back to the table, forgetting about the water on the counter, he just wanted to get her out of this restaurant as fast as possible

“She is dead, they’re both dead because of you!” Rafe called after her, desperate to get the last word in.

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?” JJ hollered back, throwing the Kook a threatening look over his shoulder.

“That’s fine sweetheart!” Rafe shouted, and (y/n) tried her best to block him out.  “Let your shiny new toy fight your fights for you! Just like John B did.  Do all the Pogues you fuck become your guard dog?”

That was it.

Any chance of her crying went out the window and next thing she knew, she was ripping herself out of JJ’s hold and lunging towards Rafe, swinging without any aim, but enough force that when she hit the Kook in the nose, she could feel the crunch of cartilage against her knuckles, and blood splattered onto the counter.

“You bitch-!”

Rafe barely had a chance to fight back before JJ was grabbing (y/n) by the waist, lifting her up and physically carrying her out of The Wreck.  Pope and Kiara hastily followed them out, laughing joyously.

“Are you crazy?” JJ asked, only setting her down once they were down the street, and they were certain that a group of Kooks wouldn’t follow after them to finish what (y/n) had started.

She was still scowling, and rubbing at her jaw where Rafe had just barely nicked her with his knuckles.

“Fuck,” JJ grinned at her, taking her by surprise.  “You are crazy”

“You’re not mad?” She asked, and all three of her friends laughed.

“Mad? Of course not, you just broke Rafe Cameron’s nose, baby!” JJ cheered, cupping her face in his hands and pressing a quick kiss to her lips, and then her nose, and then her cheek.  “That’s my girl!”

The whooping and hollering of her boyfriend, echoed by Pope and Kie, made her blush red and butterflies erupt in her chest.  Breaking a Kook’s nose was a strange thing to feel bashful about, but the attention made her shy.

“Come on, let’s get home and ice that before it bruises” JJ said, nodding to her jaw.

As they made their way to the Chateau, their hands latched and swinging between them, JJ continued to gush over how badass and amazing she was, no matter how much she laughed it off and begged him to stop making her blush. ___

[ every night i’m dancing with your ghost ]

February 19th, 3:15 p.m

“You’re lucky I pulled you outta there before he landed a whole punch,” JJ told (y/n) as he pressed a bag of frozen peas against her jaw.  “This coulda hurt a lot worse, why didn’t you duck babe?”

(y/n) let out a huff, swinging her legs from where she sat on the kitchen counter.  JJ was standing between them, coddling her much more than necessary.

“I dunno, I’m not some pro fighter like you” She retorted, and hissed when he pressed a little too hard against the sensitive skin.

“I know that was supposed to be sarcastic, but I’m gonna take it as a compliment anyways,” JJ retorted, earning a good natured eye roll from the girl.  “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“I know,” She giggled back.  “You haven’t shut up about it”

“Can’t help it, it was fuckin’ awesome,” JJ gushed again.  “It was so hot, the most perfect punch, I wish I coulda taken a picture of the look on Rafe’s face, priceless.  You’re such a badass, I fucking love you”

He didn’t seem to catch what he’d said, but (y/n) did.  

Her eyes blew wide, and her lips parted momentarily, at a loss for words.  And since she didn’t know what to say, she decided the next best thing was to lean forward and capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

The kiss took JJ by surprise at first, but then the realization of what he’d said hit him, and he pulled away from her abruptly.

“Oh my god, I didn’t mean- well I did, but I-”

“JJ,” (y/n) giggled as he rambled, her hands laying across his cheeks.  “It’s okay, I-”

They were cut off by the phone ringing, which was odd, because it wasn’t their cellphone’s ringtone.  It took a second to even realize that the Chateau had a landline.

“What the fuck?” (y/n) pushed the bag of peas JJ was still holding away from her face, and hopped off the counter.  “Who even has this number? Oh my god, do you think it’s Thomas again?”

(y/n’s) heart began to race as she darted out of the kitchen towards the phone hanging on the wall.

“(y/n/n)- do you want me to take it?” JJ asked, worried that she’d freak herself out too much to actually answer the phone.

But she’d already unhooked the phone from the wall.

“Routledge Residence, (y/n) speaking”

There was a chuckle on the other side of the line, followed by a teasing, “I just knew that you weren’t gonna move out”

JJ couldn’t hear what the caller had said, but from the look on (y/n’s) face, he knew it couldn’t have been a telemarketer.

She dropped to her knees, the cord on the phone uncoiling completely as it stretched all the way down.  A choked sound between a sob and a gasp escaped her, and in a second, JJ was kneeling in front of her, jumping right into panic attack mode.

“(y/n/n), what is it? Who is it?”

“JJ there too? How are you guys-”

“John B?” (y/n) mumbled, voice shaky, scared that this was some practical joke at her expense.

JJ’s eyes went wide, and she finally looked up at him, his jaw slack.

“The one and only,” He laughed again.  “Guess I’m lucky you were at the house, I don’t remember any other phone numbers”

“I can’t believe it- are you okay? Is Sarah okay? Holy shit, John-”

“We’re okay, we’re both okay,” He chuckled, cutting her off.  “You’re not gonna believe this… but… we’ve got it”

“You’ve got it?” She repeated, confused.

“The gold, (y/n), we’ve got the gold”

“No shit-”

“Sarah says hi by the way,” He added.  “We’ll be back as soon as we can with it, okay? I don’t know when, but we’re working on it”

“What’s he saying?” JJ asked, but (y/n’s) brain was in a clusterfuck of information.

“I miss you- well all miss you- we miss you so much” She stammered out.

“We miss you too, (y/n)!” Sarah called, sounding distant through the speaker.

“We miss you a lot,” John B added,  “I’m sorry we didn’t call earlier, we just had to be sure there way it could get tracked-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I forgive you,” (y/n) said through a watery laugh.  “Just- just be safe, and get back as soon as you can, okay?”

“We will, promise,” John B replied.  “And I’ll try to call more too, okay? Look we’re… we’re working it all out right now”

“Okay, good,” (y/n) sighed, and wiped her teary cheeks with the back of her hand.  “I can’t wait to see you both”

“And when you do, we’ll be millions of dollars richer,” He told her.  “Look, we have to get going, Sarah has work.  The Kook Princess has a job here!” He told her with a laugh.  “I’ll call you when I can, alright?”

“Alright,” She agreed.  “Okay, call soon”

“Stay safe, (y/n/n), talk to you soon”

“Bye, John B”

He hung up, leaving the phone to ring a low dull sound, and (y/n) and JJ to stare at each other in amazement.

“They have the gold” (y/n) mumbled out.

“For real?”

“For real,” She nods back at him.  “They’re working on a plan to come home-”

Before she can finish, he tackles her to the ground, hugging her tight, and just letting the phone hang by it’s cord.  They’re laughing, she’s crying, and they can’t remember the last time they’ve felt joy like this before.

(y/n) sits up slightly, enough to wrap her arms around him and kiss him chastely.

“They’re in the Bahamas, and Sarah has a job, and- and they’re gonna come home” She rambled on as tears streamed down her face faster than JJ could wipe them away.

He’s grinning at her, kissing her whole face, everywhere he could.

She starts to giggle from the kisses, her shoulders raising from the ticklish feeling.

“JJ- JJ!” She cried out, having to grab him by his shoulders to get him to chill out.  “We have to go tell Pope and Kie!” “Okay, come on, let’s get going, I’ll drive you there now” JJ said, pulling her up to her feet, but before racing for the door, he wrapped his arms around her and spun her around in the air.

“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it!” (y/n) cried out, giggling when he finally set her back down, and grabbed her hand before dashing for the front door.  “We’re going out tonight, baby!” She was so ecstatic, her body was practically vibrating.

He laughed, grabbing the keys to his dirtbike from the counter.

“Wait wait wait, JJ!” (y/n) called, her grip tightening on his hand as she pulled him back towards her.

“What? What is it?” He asked in a hurry, his eyes wild as he looked back at her.

She just grinned at him, before pulling him in closer, and leaning up on the tips of her toes so she could kiss him.

She could feel his tenseness fade away, and when she smiled it broke their kiss.

“I love you too,” She told him, her smile brightening before she reached up and stole another kiss.  “And I’m glad you’re here with me, always”

“Well, we do live together, sweetheart,” He teased.  “But you know I’d never go anywhere else”

“I know,” She hummed, and leaned in to kiss him one more time.  “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, quit trying to distract me!”

(y/n) laughed as she followed him out the door, an overwhelming amount of delight flooding through her as she got on the back of JJ’s bike, rehearsing in her head what she wanted to say to their friends, and how impatient she was to see John B again.

___

xoxo ~ jordie

[itskatastrophe-x]

Finally Home (c!Sapnap x Reader)

I let my twitter followers decide who I wrote a oneshot for, and they wanted c!Sapnap, so here it is :) Written in the span of like... Idk 2 hours?? It’s a soulmate AU where you can feel everything your soulmate feels when you get in a certain distance of them and it gets stronger the closer you get to them. I hope yall like it!!

Word count :  2,701

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

There it was again. That burning sensation on the palms of your hands. You didn’t understand where it came from or why it was happening, but it hurt like hell. You wondered if it would ever stop, but you doubted it would. You knew the stories all too well but figured it would never happen to you, and slowly your fears confirmed it as all of your friends got theirs and eventually found their person. A soulmate. The way they talked about how they could feel what their soulmate felt on a physical level. They would feel light brushes against their arms or bumps when the other person would be somewhere busy. All of your friends had found their other halves years ago, explaining that when it happened there was a jolt like electricity in their bodies. After all of your friends had abandoned you, you had given up hope in ever finding your person. So you travelled. For miles and miles and miles, seeing every country, village, and kingdom your empty heart desired. You had lost everyone you loved and couldn’t even find your soulmate. 

Then it happened all too suddenly. If you had to guess, it happened when you got within range of the person, so you kept up your pace and travelled. It was an unpleasant sensation. It felt like fire all over your body. At first it was a small stinging, then the farther you travelled, the closer you got to this person, it grew. You would wake up in the middle of the night screaming because of cuts and wounds your other half would experience. You wished it was something as simple as the things your friends had gone through, but this was a nightmare. You wished you could meet this person once and for all just so you could give them a strong right hook to the jaw, then changed your mind as you remembered that you would also feel it. 

You knew by the things you were going through that this person was crazy and potentially dangerous with the amount of wounds this person was accumulating through the weeks of you travelling, so you did your best to be delicate. Whenever you would feel a new pain, you would prepare healing potions and drink them in hopes that the other person would also feel the effects. Either that or, if it didn’t feel like a gash or deep cut, you would trace your fingers over the spot gently to sooth the other person to let them know you would comfort them. What you couldn’t stand, though, was the feeling of fire dancing around your fingers. You eventually learned to tune it out and numb yourself to it, so it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was when it started, but it was still painful and annoying.

Then it stopped as suddenly as it started. For three whole days. Three. Days. After the first couple hours of the first day you started to worry. It was rare that you got a single second of rest from this crazy asshole, but three days? Part of you hoped he wasn’t dead, but the other part was happy you didn’t have to deal with scratches, bruises, and burning. But you missed it so much that you wished the burning in your palms returned. Nothing stopped you from continuing on though, even though you had no idea if you were going the right way anymore or not. You used the pain as a guide for weeks to lead you closer, but when it stopped, you lost your physical compass. Something in your heart told you that you were still heading towards them though, so you kept on, this time faster and without much sleep. You wanted to make sure this person was ok, and fast. You watched all of your friends leave you, you couldn’t have your literal soulmate leave you as well. 

When the third day ended and you were about to fall asleep, you felt it. The smallest little touch to your cheek you had ever felt. It was out of the blue and you had never felt such a touch come from the other person, so it woke you up instantly. You laid there for a moment, the stroking on your cheek so soft and faint that you wondered if it was even the person at all. Slowly, you lifted your hand to your other cheek and caressed it. The feeling on your other cheek stopped, but the feeling of a hand still stayed there. That’s when you knew it was them. They knew you would feel it, but probably weren’t expecting you to return the feeling to them. The stroking started again, so you stroked your other cheek for them as well. Then it hit you. Why had you never thought of it before? After weeks of knowing you had a soulmate out there, it just now hit you. You sat up from your bed in the little hotel you were staying at and tapped your leg. The feeling on your cheek stopped then you felt the same tap on your leg again. You smiled and pressed your hand down for a second and felt more pressure a couple seconds later. 

Then you started. At first it was a smiley face, then letters one at a time to write to the person. You asked their age first. Then you felt the pressure of the person writing back. “20”. You drew yours back, then they drew a smile to confirm they got it. You asked their name. “Nick” they wrote back. Then you wrote yours. You got as much information as you could from this small communication as possible so you could find him easier. After your small exchange, you got up, got dressed, packed your things and headed towards a location called “Dream SMP”. You had seen it on maps before, but it was so far away that you thought you would never get there. You had already crossed oceans, rivers, and mountains for this man, but now you had a new fire to feel. A fire burning so deep in you that it ignited in your eyes. You used all the money and resources you had to get there. You bought boats and horses for the days leading up to your arrival.

After over a month of travelling, you finally made it to the outside borders of what was known as the DreamSMP. The streets were full and bustling with life. Most people smiled and greeted you as a new member, fully accepting you the second you set foot on the land, others scowled or threw hateful words your way, possibly thinking you wouldn’t hear, or maybe they hoped you would so you would leave. You asked around about this person “Nick” and got an overwhelming response of happy chatter and protests of anger, so you left as politely as you could to search on your own. 

You felt like it would take forever to find this other person if all of the streets and businesses would be this crowded and overwhelming, until you came across one man standing at the edge of a river with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. His fluffy brown hair flipped up in the front and slightly waved in the breeze, the colors he wore matching his vibe completely. You approached him cautiously at first, but felt comforted by the aura he gave off. You cleared your throat quietly, so as not to startle him, and he opened his eyes slowly to greet you, the lightest shade of blue you had ever seen. He gave you a soft smile and waved you over, so you complied. 

For a second, you wondered if this was him, but you took note of his soft, clear looking skin and the lack of electricity as you neared him. When you got next to him, he pointed across the river to a very ornate village sitting on the hills surrounded by flower forests. “Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?” You stared in awe at the mushroom buildings and statue and smiled at him. “I’ve travelled a long way to get here and passed hundreds of kingdoms, but this tops them all,” you replied. He made a noise of agreement and smiled, content with your answer. “Well, tell me, new face, how did you make your way to Kinoko Kingdom, and why are you here?” There was no malice in his voice as he asked and you could tell he was being friendly so you knew you wasn’t being standoffish. “I came to meet my soulmate,” you answered. His eyes went wide and met yours, a look of shock on his face. “Th-that’s you?!” You looked at him, furrowing your brows. How did he know? As if to read your mind, he continued. “I knew he was expecting someone, but, wow… I mean… He’s gonna want to meet you now. He literally hasn’t shut up for weeks about you.” You stammered for a second as he grabbed your hand and started running, barely giving you any reaction time to keep up with him. He was fast and energetic and you liked it. He seemed friendly and bubbly and his touch was comforting. 

He weaved in and out of streets and occasional bystanders watching the two of you with wide eyes and gaping mouths. You took it these people didn’t see many new faces, seeing as they were small in numbers. He didn’t slow down until both of you were panting in front of a giant cherry blossom tree in front of the biggest library you had seen. You could hear a loud voice echoing out of the open hole, acting as a doorway. The man next to you put a hand on your shoulder and you looked over at his grinning face. “I should explain before you get in there… My name is Karl and Sapnap, or Nick, is my fiancé. Now before you get worried, we’re in an open, poly relationship and he’s talked to me about all of this and I am 100% welcoming you into our little family.” He gave you a warm smile that reached his eyes so you knew he was being sincere. 

A booming shout broke your thoughts and you felt a pain in your toe that almost made you fall over, then loud laughter erupted. You smiled and shook off your foot as Karl motioned you inside, and that’s all you needed to run inside. The space inside was open with books lining the high walls. There was a staircase to your right, a mushroom in the far back, and a balcony above your head. There you saw him. At first he stood there laughing with the other man in front of him, not realizing you were inside, so you stared. You felt something like fire dancing across your skin lightly as you watched him with wide eyes. He was more beautiful than anyone you had ever seen. He had his jet black hair tied into a messy, low bun at the back of his head, a scar across the length of his face that went across the bridge of his nose. He had a light dusting of freckles across his rosy cheeks and the most piercing eyes. The man in front of him caught onto your stare and nudged the man, pointing down at you from their spot on the balcony. When his eyes met yours, a shiver went up your spine and your skin felt hot, like you were now encased in a cocoon of fire. For a moment you both just stared at each other, not being able to move, until you felt a pair of hands push you gently from behind.

That’s all it took to move you. You took off towards the stairs and took them two at a time as he ran to meet you on the landing. You collided into the biggest hug that knocked the wind out of your lungs and almost sent you flying backwards, but he kept you steady. Your eyes welled up for a moment and you laughed into his chest. He smelled like a campfire, fir trees, and old books. He was so warm and your body fit his so perfectly under his arms. You heard footsteps coming up the stairs and a soft touch to your shoulder, a small hum coming from Karl behind you. “Thank god you’re finally here. Sapnap literally would not shut up. He always talked about how soft you were with him when he knew how hard it must have been for you. Weeks. Weeks.” Sapnap reached an arm out to punch Karl, but he dodged easily since Sapnap still hadn’t let you go. You chuckled and closed his eyes as he put his arm back over your shoulder and squeezed you closer to him. 

“I can’t believe you’re real,” he whispered into your hair. He squeezed him and smiled. “You thought I wasn’t?” He sighed and relaxed his shoulders. “I thought you would hate me. I’m so reckless and get hurt all the time. How could anyone want me if they feel what I feel?” You pulled back to look him in the eyes and you gave him the most genuine smile you had ever had on your face. “You’re stupid. Of course I would be here. And I will stay here. I’ll take care of all your bumps, scrapes, and stabs. The pain means nothing so long as I know you’re ok.” His pointed ears turn a bright red and he averts his gaze to the floor, so you bring your hand to his cheek gently. At first he flinches, but soon closes his eyes, sighs, and leans into your hand, his lip slightly quivering from such tenderness. 

“I do have one question, though.” He hums, not opening his eyes. “Why do my palms always burn? Do you just, like, constantly sit around a campfire?” He chuckles and slowly lifts his head, eyes opening to look at you. He pulls back from you slightly, keeping one arm around your waist as he watches his hand, then back to your face to watch your eyes on his hand. In an instant, his hand is surrounded by fire, the burning in your hand starting up. He must have liked the look on your face because he lets out a snort and then starts laughing, all while you stand there in awe at the power he held. “Holy shit… And… And that’s real fire? Just like that?” You look back at him and he gives you a shy smile and a nod of his head as the fire goes out. There was a sparkle in your eyes that he was absolutely enchanted by and he hoped he would get to see that for the rest of his life. You let out a small huff of amazement and smile brightly. “You are the most amazing person I have ever met,” you say quietly as you watch his features soften as he’s left speechless. 

“Oh get a room,” the guy behind Sapnap says, his voice thick with an accent and sarcasm, the sound of a smile in his words. Sapnap looks at the man and points at him, shooting off a mini fire at him. His shirt catches for a second before the man screams and smacks himself to put it out. You laugh as you watch the exchange and Sapnap looks back at you, thinking of how beautiful your laugh sounds. “Well,” Karl starts. “We have a lot to talk about! Ooooooh this is so exciting! We need to know more about you!!” He grabs both of you and pulls you down the stairs and out to the pond next to the tree out front, the sun finally setting over the hills, casting a gorgeous, fiery glow on your soulmate’s features. You couldn’t wait to see what their life was like. To kiss all of his scars and tell him how amazing he was. To run your fingers through his raven feather-looking hair. Oh how you loved this.

[urimaginespimp]

How You Get The Girl (This Love Final Part)

Bucky x Reader (elemental witch)

Set on TFATWS last episode

Note: Thank you to everyone that's tuned in, gave feedbacks, and liked/reblogged. I had to so much fun writing these! After this I’ll be working on oneshots completely unrelated to this story of several prompts.

We got a new Cap!

Previous Part: Untouchable

Marvel Masterlist

--------

“I’m serious, Shuri. I am over him.” you groaned as Shuri won’t wipe off the smug, disbelieving look on her face.

“Sure, Jan.” She replied getting up to continue on what’s she’s working on.

“Hey, I know that reference!”

“I’m just saying... Seven years of pinning over the guy – which five of it was when he was practically dead, by the way – and you’re telling me it took one confrontation for you to get over him.” She shrugged.

Some of the Dora Milaje were also in the lab, and you haven’t been vocal about it, but you didn’t miss the knowing looks they’ve been exchanging every time Bucky was brought in the conversation.

“Well, it would really be nice if you’re being supportive right now.” you sulked in your seat. Yeah, who were you kidding. Maybe you’re not completely, completely over him, but now you’re sorting to the fake it ‘til you make it method and so far, you’re doing well.

“Okay, fine. Want me to set you up with someone? My brother has some contacts around the world and I think with some buttering up he’d consider setting you up to bachelor royalties.” She wiggled her brows at you.

“May I suggest the Prince of Brunei? The internet says he’s looking for a wife.” One of the ladies snickered, making the others hum in approval.

“T’Challa knows him?” this piqued your interest. “He’s pretty hot.”

“Well make up your mind. It’ll take me a few business days of persuading my brother.” She raised her brows at you.

“It wouldn’t hurt to start dating. I’ll think about it first.” you muttered, missing how Shuri winked at the other ladies in the room. Ayo had told her in private about Bucky’s little confession to Zemo, and the princess has a few tricks up her sleeve to speed up the matchmaking process.

“I’m only staying for a few days more. It’s been a few weeks and Val’s been complaining from lack of sleep.” She’s been taking over your nightly escapades, and it’s starting to irritate her to be surrounded with so much booze but not being able to indulge.

Just then, Okoye enters the lab. “Check the news. There’s a live coverage of a hostage in New York. Sam and White Wolf are on it.”

--------

Bucky was looking over proudly as Sam was talking to the Senator.

Seeing Sam now walking over to him, he straightened up and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I uh was texting and all I heard was um a black guy in stars and stripes.”

They both chuckled, now walking side by side. “Nice job, Cap.”

“Thanks.”

--------

He’s done it. He told Yori the truth. Though now that might have been the end of their friendship, he knew the old man deserves the closure for his son.

Now back in his apartment, he took the notebook Steve once owned from his pocket, and opened it to the page where his list is. Looking over it, he saw that the only name left uncrossed is yours.

Just then, his phone pinged twice. One message was from Sam, and the other one from Shuri.

Sam’s read:

I wasn’t kidding when I told you

back on the boat that I’d get the

younger ones here to give you a

crash course on romance.

Check your email.

He rolled his eyes and opened the one from Shuri.

Y/N’s explained everything to us.

We saw you save those people,

White Wolf. Wakand is proud of you.

Brother says you’re welcome to

visit anytime. Take care!

p.s.

It’s good to know Y/N and you are

are on good terms. It finally allowed me

to set her up with one of the princes

mother’s been pestering me about. One less

off of mother’s list for me.

“Damn it, Shuri.” he groaned, reading the last part over and over again. He had to move fast. Heading over to his email, he opened the one from Sam.

The subject says:

21st century romance for reformed dummies.

There was an attached 60-second video. Clicking on it, he chuckled when Sam’s voice started booming behind the camera, where it showed two young girls and one boy, all around below 10 years of age.

“Okay, I gathered you here today because a cyborg friend of mine is need of help. I already filled you in the details necessary earlier, and all you have to do now is give him quick tips. Remember, talk slow.”

The boy on the middle spoke up. “Is she an avenger?”

“Not important, but yes. It’s the one with similar powers to an avatar.” Sam answered, followed by the two girls saying they know which one, and the boy to mutter ‘damn it I always had a crush on her...’

“Okay the first step would obviously be to say sorry.” the girl on the right said directly to the camera.

“Oh! Extra points if you do it standing like a ghost outside her door and it’s about to rain.” the other girl from the left perked up.

“I said he’s a cyborg, not a weatherman.” Sam commented, still behind the camera.

“Say you were afraid to tell her what you want.” the first girl spoke again.

“Six months is a long time to be afraid, man.” the boy in the middle spoke up this time.

“Try years.” Sam muttered.

“Then you say you want her for worse or for better!” The cheery girl exclaimed once again.

“You’ve been playing too many fake weddings, but yes, that could work.” Sam told her, making her beam, showing a missing tooth.

“Tell her you could wait forever and ever.” the boy added.

“I mean he’s already old enough to be your great grandpa but go on I guess.” Sam was snickering, causing the camera to slightly shake.

“Remind her of how it used to be. That is if he was good to her.” the more mature girl was pointing out. “Saying you’ll put her heart back together could also work.” she smiled, and the other one fake swooned on where she was standing.

“She’s right!” she exclaimed, while boy nods and says “that’s how it works.” at the same time.

Now turning the camera, Sam was now in frame.

“And that’s how you get the girl, Barnes. Straight from the local’s experts. Don’t fuck it up.”

And three voices scolded him for saying a bad word as the clip ends.

--------

It didn’t take long for him to take a flight straight to Norway where New Asgard was. This time without the aid of Zemo’s jet, he had to find the means to travel from the airport, while trying to calm his nerves.

As if the universe was on his side, a couple claiming to be heading back to Asgard allowed him to hitch a ride with them.

Now on the backseat, he tried to make small talk.

“So, uh, how are you guys settling in the planet?” he asked.

The lady on the passenger seat turned to face him with a smile. “It wasn’t easy, really. But the princess went out of her way to educate us about life here on Midgard. She’s so good at it, you’d forget she hasn’t even been living here a decade.”

He smiled. They claim you as their princess despite only being adopted by Thor. He recalls how you once rambled about being scared that they’d be indifferent towards you once Thor brings you to Asgard, one of the reasons you’ve been making up excuses to go with him.

“Why, would you look at that. We’re just in time before it starts raining.” The man driving commented.

Peeking through the window, sure enough, the sky was getting darker.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” he muttered. He might just take the little girl’s advice after all.

After getting out of the couple’s car, he ran straight to where he remembers your home was, just in time when Val just got out of your house.

“Hi. I don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Bucky.” He greeted extending his ahand to her which she took. A skeptical look on her face.

“Call me Val. I’m sorry what are you doing here?”

“I need to speak to Y/N, please.” He answered truthfully.

“Well it’s about night time so she’s getting dolled up.” She answered

“I know, I know, it’s for her date. But that’s why I’m here.”

Val raised a brow, confused about what date he was getting all bummed about when you were only getting ready to go back to looking out for people out and about at night. But then it dawned to her that maybe this was some of your friend’s doing.

“Y-yes... the date.” She decided to play along, holding back a smirk. Just then, rain started slowly pouring, along with thunder. “Well shit, I have to help some folks get their kids back inside their homes now. You’re free to knock on her door.” She excused herself.

His own clothes were starting to get drenched when he finally knocked on your door.

No answer. He knocked again, louder this time. Now footsteps were heard coming to the door, and the knob turned as you opened it.

“Damn it, Val, the door’s not even lo-” You stopped talking, surprised at the figure that greeted you.

“Bucky... are you insane? Don’t just stand there, come in it’s raining hard.” he urged him to get in and closed the door behind you.

Facing each other, he was taking you in. Val wasn’t lying when she said you were getting ready for your date. He can’t believe he was already getting jealous of a faceless punk.

“So uh... what brings you here?” You decided to break the ice, fidgeting where you stood, still barefoot as it looked like you were gonna have to stay at home if it was going to rain this hard all night.

“Don’t go on the date.” he pleaded, confusing you.

“What?”

“Please don’t go on the date.” He repeated, now walking towards you.

There is no date, but now you were wondering why he’s telling you not to.

“Why?”

“I love you.” he answered without missing a beat, now stepping closer to you. Instead of the reaction he was hoping for, you scoffed and took a step back.

“Don’t pull a Laurie on me.” you replied, a frown etched on your face. He was confused.

“A Laurie?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen enough adaptations of Little Women to know that you’re pulling a Laurie on me.” You spat as a matter of fact. “You’re being really mean, stop it.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“What? I- I haven’t even thought of that reference!” he defends himself, cheeks reddening from embarrassment. “Amy was gonna get married, Y/N.”

“Oh then by all means, feel free to come back just after he proposes.”

“W- We’re getting sidetracked here, doll. I came here hoping there still an ounce of you that loves me. Please don’t tell me you’ve completely moved on from me.”

“What, like it’s hard?” you replied. It surprised you when his brows shot up from recognition of that line.

“Now you’re pulling an Elle Woods on me!” he pointed at you in an accusatory manner.

“Don’t point that finger at me, Barnes. How was I even supposed to know you’ve seen that movie?” you rolled your eyes, walking past him.

“I watched all the movies you told me about back in Wakanda.” he spoke up, making you stop in your tracks to face him again.

“Yeah, that’s right. I watched every movie, I listened to every song, read every book you recommended, and visited every internet site you once said I might like. I was always listening even when I made it seem like I wasn’t.”

You stared at him for a second looking for any indication that he was lying. Recovering from the mild shock, you pursed your lips. “I hope you know the Porn site was a joke. Sam did it to Steve once and I just thought it was hilarious.”

His mouth twitched. Walking over to you once more he stopped when he was only a step away, not breaking eye contact.

“I’m really sorry, Doll. I know it’s bold of me to even ask you, but please give me the chance to make it up to you. And I don’t care if it’s me that has to wait for you this time. Take all the time you need, just please don’t go on that date.”

“Bucky, there was never a date. I have no idea what date you were referring this entire time.” you confessed, making him bring his hands to his face and groan, muttering Damn it, Shuri.

Hearing Shuri’s name, you put two and two together. “Is this about Shuri trying to set me up with a prince?” he nodded as answer. “Well, I did tell her I was gonna think about it.”

He removed his hands away from his face. “Please say no.” He whispered. “I’d tell you what the kids told me what to say if I have to.”

“What kids?”

“Sam got a bunch of kids on video to teach me how to win you back. I’ve already stood under the rain outside your door just like what one of the girls suggested.” Judging from the grin on your face, he was now regretting even mentioning them.

“Well go on, then.” you urged. “Let me see how much you’ve learned.”

“The first time I saw you at the airport, I got so distracted looking at you just casually sitting on top if the ramps while we were preparing to fight. That wink you sent me that day is still engraved in my mind by the way. Then I was so taken back when you bluntly told me you’re attracted to me. I-”

“I don’t think the kids taught you to remind me of my attempts to flirt with you.” You cut him off, embarrassed at the memory. He chuckled at your expression.

“Okay, okay.” he took a deep breath.

“I think I started catching feelings for you the moment they woke me up from my cryosleep and you were there to be the first one to welcome me back. I didn’t think you were still gonna be there like you told me. But you were there, beaming at me like a ray of sunshine. All my years under HYDRA, every time I was woken up, I was only ever treated as an asset. But you welcomed me like I was a friend.” his eyes were starting to get glassy with tears, as he tried not to choke up.

“And then every time you were near, or even when I’d get a whiff of your perfume, I’d start feeling all warm inside and my entire body would be at ease, knowing you were an arm's reach from me. You were the last one I saw as I disintegrated from the blip, and you were the first one I sought out the moment we came back.” he was surprised when you reached forward to wipe away a tear he didn’t even realize had run down his cheek.

“I lied when I said I made a mistake kissing you. It was the first thing I wanted to do the moment I saw you again. But something inside me was always telling me that all I could ever be is someone grateful for your kindness. That it was impossible for the universe to even grant me someone like you after everything I’ve done." He let out a breath before continuing.

"But it was also you, Steve, Sam, and heck – even Zemo– that made me realize that I am worthy of a chance. And I’m sorry it had to take you telling me you were moving on, to have the courage to accept and take the chance that has been long offered to me by the world." He took your hand and gave the back of it a small kiss.

"I love you, Y/N.” Now it was him that had to wipe away your tears away. “Please don’t cry, doll. That wasn’t-”

“Just fucking kiss me already, James.” you laughed, in between sniffles.

He grinned down before you. “You’re my angel with a potty mouth, and I love you.” he whispered, leaning down.

“I love you too."

---------

You and Bucky were out with the Wilsons on their community's afternoon barbeque.

Sarah and you got along with ease, and she was telling you all about their old family business when Bucky hugged you from behind.

"Sorry to interrup, ladies, but I have to show you something Y/N." he said, kissing your cheek.

"Ew, man. I still can't believe your old ass has a girlfriend." Sam commented beside Sarah who was laughing

"You do know I'm older than him, right?" you chuckled.

"I know, but you don't look it." he replied, causing Bucky to flip him off.

Excusing yourself, both of you walked by the docs.

"What's up, old man?" you grinned at him.

"You know what, doll. Most couples would have endearing nicknames for each other."

"I'll call you something sweet once you tell me what that thing you call me when we're alone means."

"What, мое солнце?"

"Yeah, that one! Tell me or else I'll keep calling you ridiculous ones." you threatened, trying not to smile.

"Anyway, мое солнце, I just wanted to show you a text I got from Shuri."

I am yet to have any news that you

manned up and told Y/N you love her,

White Wolf. I was joking before, but now

I really might set her up on a date.

You both chuckled at Shuri's threat.

"I got this." you pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialled her number. You placed it on loud speaker once she picked up.

"Y/N! So nice of you to call."

"Hey, Shuri! Listen..." you feigned seriousness in your voice before releasing a deep breath. "I'm finally over Mr. Smokey eye. I think I'm ready to go on that date now." Bucky was playfully glaring at you for the nickname.

There was dead silence from the other side of the line for a second. "Oh! About that... uh turns out he already has a girlfriend. Planning to propose soon, I heard. Oops!"

"Well that's a bummer. How about the other bachelor royalties your family's friends with? I recently found an article with a list. I can send you one right now. Preferably ones that don't look much like blue-eyed grandpa." you grinned at him as he rolled his eyes. He knows what you were trying to get him to do.

"Uh... turns out my brother isn't that friendly after all." She let out an awkward laugh. "Hasn't Barnes contact you at all?" you could hear the frustration in her voice.

"Oh, that discount prophet, I haven-"

"It means my sun." He finally caved, rolling his eyes.

"What?" you asked him, immidiately forgetting that Shuri was still on.

"WHAT?" she screamed through the phone after a second.

"мое солнце means my sun." he grinned at you.

"Is that Barnes with you?! Hellooo?!!!"

"Talk to you later, princess." you turned off the call when she was about to protest. Facing him again, you stepped closer and put your arms around his shoulders, both of you sharing a grin.

"I love you, мое солнце."

"I love you too, minn stjarna."

"You gonna tell me what that means?"

"You wish."

fin.

--------

@eternalharry @iheartsebandchris @lizzarooni @the-ayo-lit @tanyaherondale @knowyourworth-sellyoursoul @eliwinchester-barnes @ebxny27 @just-a-littlebit-of-everything @fadingdreamersportsmaker @drama-queen-aa