#also my instagram is back but i removed like every single follower a week ago. so yeah we're back

[cenestpasmoi-bechloe]

Merry Pitchmas!!

@chloebeale , Merry Pitchmas! I’m so glad I get to be your secret Santa!! :)

 I hope you like this and have a great holiday:)

Everything I Need is Standing in Front of Me

Read on Ao3

“World tour!? Posen! Are you fucking kidding me?” Beca Mitchell shouts as she looks at the blonde across the room, who just gave her the news. 

“Yeah, I mean a small one, but you’ll be doing a couple of shows in Japan, then some places in North America, and then go to Europe. This’ll be your last bang before your ‘hiatus’ right?” She air quotes the word ‘hiatus’ jokingly as she sits down on the couch in front of Beca’s desk.

“Hey! Don’t fucking make fun of my planned hiatus. I need a fucking break, and last time it didn’t happen was because a sudden idea hit me and wrote this album, and the rule is, release an album, go on tour. I had to get it over with anyways.“ The short brunette had been planning to announce her break from being in the media every single day when she had finished touring for her last album, 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry.” The blonde chuckles. “But it’s a shorter tour. Besides, the company said you can take the private jet. And, my friend Chloe is in Japan teaching English and we can go see her.”

“They better fucking let me.” She groans, getting up from her chair and leaving her office, shaking her head. “I need more coffee. Your friend has to be super fucking awesome if I’m gonna have to meet her. I don’t want to meet any of your super boring friends again Posen.” She chuckles.

“Get me a cup! Thanks!” Aubrey shouts turning her neck.

“Fuck you! You’re supposed to be doing this for me!” She shouts back. Her voice echoes through the office, and the employees look up at her. “What the fuck are you guys looking at?” Beca snaps at them. She usually wasn’t this mean. All the album press shit was getting to the musician, they could cut her some slack on her. 

The brunette gets a cup of coffee for herself, and the blonde, walks back and hands her the mug before sitting back down in her chair. 

“Thank you Beca-boo.” Aubrey giggles before she takes a sip. “Hmm… You know me so well.”

“Yeah, and you’d kill me if I gave you the wrong kind.” Beca scoffs as she moves her computer mouse, turning her desktop screen on and looking through her emails. “Ugh..” She groans at the number of emails that she has. 

“I have most of them read through. I just need you to go through them and check them. They’re basically all brand deals and all the other stuff you’ll be doing during the tour. I’ll send you a pdf of the itinerary and the schedule of the other shit you have to do.” 

“God, I don’t know what I’d do without you Posen.” She says as she sips her coffee. “I have to post something on my instagram today right?” 

“Yeah, right. And you still need me to list everything you do in the beginning of the day.” She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, and you better make it something entertaining. A picture of a pile of pop tarts wrappers is not quality content.” She once again rolls her eyes and looks at the brunette with a death glare. 

Last time Beca had to post, she posted a picture of a pile of the breakfast pastry wrappers and a simple #adulting, and her manager was not happy with it. She had said quality content, wasn’t that some? Aubrey tells her to be relatable, and not too glamorous. Her marketing tactic was for her to be down-to-earth as she could be, so that her fanbase could feel closer to ‘Beca Mitchell’. Wasn’t pop tarts relatable? The only reason that the blonde had let her get off the hook was because Kellogg’s had offered them a brand deal. And still, she got shit for it from the manager. 

“You literally live with me! You could’ve taken a picture of me devouring the pop tarts. Would that be enough for you?” She says as she finishes her coffee. “I don’t know, or whatever.” She raises her hands in the air in defeat. 

“Then it’ll look like a PR thing! We want fans to think you’re actually putting effort into it.” She says as she gets up from the couch. “Last one to the car has to cook dinner tonight!” Laughing as she dashes out of Beca’s office to the car. 

“Hey! Thats not fair!! DUDE! NOT COOL!!” Beca gets up from her seat and grabs her bag, stubbing her toe on her desk before she can exit the office. “FUCK!!” 

When she gets to the car, Beca already knows she’s cooking dinner tonight. “So what are you cooking?” Aubrey grins as she asks the brunette. She starts the car and drives out of the basement parking lot of the record.

“Fuck you!” The shorter woman says and then realizes that her mug is still in her hand. “Fuck! Now I’m gonna have to remember to take the mug back to the office for the 1000th time.” She groans. 

“Beca, can you stop cursing every single time you open your damn mouth? Maybe you should leave the cursing for the bedroom. Or do you just not need that anymore?” Aubrey casually, and cruelly says to her with a smirk. 

This leaves Beca speechless. 

They discovered their growing sexual tension for each other about a couple of months ago, a couple of weeks after Aubrey had officially moved into Beca’s too-large ‘bachelorette pad’. 

The blonde had been staying over in the brunettes spare bedroom for more than a couple of weeks, since she had started to grow tired of having to go to the apartment every single day in the morning to wake her up, and take her to work. Beca had just told the blonde, “You can move into the other room if you want.” In which the blonde replied with a “I can move in!? You mean you want me to move in so I can take care of you every single fucking morning!?” Which was true, and the blonde did not accept until Beca gave in and asked (aka begged) Aubrey to move in. 

One particularly stressful night before finalizing Beca’s album track list, the manager had been up all night with her, both sipping on a glass (= multiple shots) of tequila. Usually, the blonde was long asleep before the brunette was, but on this particular night, she had decided to stay up with her, and keep her company until she was finished. 

It was around 3am and more than half the bottle of tequila when Beca was finally satisfied with her track order and songs. The time of night mixed with the over the top amount of alcohol consumed had led them to start making out, then Beca leading them both to her bed and eventually leading to them having sex. It was the pent up frustration between them that made all hell break loose. 

They woke up the next morning confused and wrapped around each other’s naked bodies, promising to never speak of this and never do this again. This promise which surprisingly didn’t last long, led to them sleeping with each other once again that following night. Since then, they had a non-discussed friends with benefits thing going on whenever was convenient for each other. They surprisingly did not grow feelings for each other, Beca having commitment issues, and Aubrey having abandonment issues from her father. Beca also felt that it was beneficial for her because this fuck buddies thing with her manager meant that she would have less gossip in the public. 

It also seemed to even out the work relationship, since all the pent up frustration could be resolved in the bedroom. 

Aubrey drives into the basement parking garage of their apartment and turns the engine off. While she was doing that, Beca was dashing out of the car. “Last one up cooks!” She dashes up and presses the up button of the elevator, and waits for it impatiently. Aubrey sighs and gets out of the car, and locks it, walking over to the elevator as it arrives. “I guess you’re still cooking tonight midget.” She scoffs as she gets in and presses the 21 button inside. Beca pouts as she sits on the corner stool. “Thats not fair!” She says as she waits for the elevator to get to their floor. 

“Life isn’t always fair Beca.” The brunette laughs. 

The elevator dings on their floor and opens, both getting off and going into their apartment. “Could I convince you to a different kind of meal?” Beca smirks and asks as she pushes the blonde on to the door after they get inside and places a bruising kiss on her lips.  

“Maybe, we can see.” Aubrey says as she lets herself relax and get led into the bedroom. “I know we’re gonna get hungry and eat something later on.” She chuckles. 

“Maybe, we can see.” Beca mocks her as she kisses down the blonde’s neck. 

As soon as Beca gets to the blonde’s collarbone, she gets turned around by the taller woman and pushed onto the bed. “If you’re gonna be bratty, I’m gonna treat you like a brat.” She smirks and grabs the brunettes chin, and then let’s go, starting tp unbutton her striped shirt. “You know I don’t like it when you’re bratty Bec.” She calls her in her ‘sex only’ nickname.  

“Fuck..” Beca mutters as she sits up a bit to take her jacket and the shirt off. Before she can lay back down, her bra is removed as well, and then a puff of the blonde’s breath hits her nipples. “Bree, I want more,” She tells her. 

”If you were less bratty, we could’ve gotten straight to the point sweetie.” She chuckles as she teases Beca’s nipples with her fingers. She squirms under the blonde’s touch and lifts her hips, her hands reaching her back and holds on to the blonde. “Don’t you dare leave marks Beca.” Aubrey says at the nails trying to claw into her back. She lowers her hands down the brunette’s navel and then singlehandedly unbuttons her jeans before letting her fingers explore. “God damn it Bec…” She feels the pool of moisture between the shorter girl’s legs. 

“I need you… fuck… please…” The brunette shivers at the contact. “Please Bree…”

“Well, since you asked so nicely..” Two digits enter the brunette, and a moan escapes her mouth. 

“Fuck…. Bree..” It seems like ‘Fuck’ is the only thing that is able to be released from her right now. Her head is blank, and she feels the blonde’s fingers hitting just the right spot. She’s definitely gonna leave marks. She can’t resist but to dig her nails into the blonde’s back. 

“I told you Bec. Don’t leave marks…” Aubrey says as she takes her finger out of the brunette and grabs her wrists. She grabs the handcuffs from the nightstand and puts one of the cuffs on the brunette’s wrist. “Hands up Bec.” She says and the brunette obeys, allowing the taller girl to cuddle her hands. “This is what you get for not following instructions when asked nicely.” She smirks. 

“I’m sorry….” The brunette knows tonight is going to be a long one. 

“If you’re sorry, why don’t you follow when I asked you nicely?” The blonde says as she enters the short brunette with two fingers and lays her thumb over her clit. “Huh Beca?…” 

All the brunette can make out are moans and curses at this point, and she’s a whimpering mess, coming up to her release. “Bree… I’m gonna…. Fuck…” She shrieks when the blonde stops all movements and removes her fingers again. 

“I never said you could come Bec.” She smirks again. “Do you want to Bec?”

“Yes… Please Bree….” Beca whimpers as she squirms. “Please…. let me come… Please…” She blushes. 

“Since you asked so nicely…” The blonde says as she fingers the brunette once again, and kisses Beca for the first time since getting back into the house. “Come for me Bec…”She whispers in her ear just the way the brunette likes, and kisses her. The brunette shakes under her and reaches her climax. 

“Holy shit… that was hot.” Aubrey snickers as she lays on top of Beca out of breath, just as much as Beca is. 

“Damn…that was amazing.” The brunette breathes out and then her handcuffs clink. “Uhh.. Bree?…” She lifts her arms. 

“Oh. Sorry. “ Aubrey giggles and gets the key from the nightstand and frees the brunette’s wrists. “Here ya go.” She chuckles. 

“Thank youuuu.” The short girl says as she wraps her arms around the blonde. “Lemme make you feel good Bree.” She smiles and kisses her as she lifts her neck up. 

She twists her body and turns and lays on top of the blonde. “There we go.” She smirks and kisses her. “You’re wearing too much clothes.” She unbuttons her pants and pulls her pants down along with her thong and throws it somewhere in the room. She unhooks the blonde’s bra and she flings it away as well. “This needs to go too.” She giggles and kisses the blonde. 

They both fall asleep together, exhausted, and Beca wrapped in Aubrey’s warm embrace. 

-A Month Later-

“You ready?” Aubrey asks her as she closes her last suit case. “You have the ear plugs you always bitch about needing on the plane. Right?” 

“Yes General Posen. I have it in my bag. I just need to fit all this in.” Beca says as she tries to zip the suitcase up. 

“You know you’re not going to college right?” The blonde chuckles as she rolls the two suitcases to the door. “We’re gonna go to Japan for a few days and then we go to New York, Detroit and Chicago. We’ll be home in two weeks Beca.” 

“I know, I have to make sure I have everything, just in case.” She says as she zips the suitcase up eventually. “Plus, we might get homesick. I have some macaroni and cheese and some other stuff.” 

“You’re hilarious.” Aubrey laughs as she rolls the suitcases to the door and checks her phone. “The car will be coming in 5 minutes.” She goes around the pad checking all of the lights and the plugs. 

-Hours Later-

“OH MY GOD WE’RE LANDING!!! HELP ME!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD POSEN!” Beca panics as she feels the plane depends. 

“Beca, chill the fuck out. You’re fine.” Aubrey grabs her hand and rubs her back. “We’re almost there.” She says to her as she gets up and sits in the seat right next to her.  “You’re okay. Shh…” 

The plane lands safely and Beca relaxes, letting herself lean on the blonde. “Thank god…” She sighs. 

“I told you. It’s alright baby.” She lets the name slip. 

They both don’t seem to notice. 

“Now we’re here. Let’s go have some fun.” Beca gets off the plane and heads down to the car waiting for them.

“It’s like she wasn’t just freaking out abut landing.” The blonde chuckles to herself. 

A few hours later, they’re settled in their hotel room and it’s the weird hours getting to them, and they’re getting hungry at 3pm.

“Dude isn’t there like a sushi place we can go to?” Beca whines as she sprays out on the huge bed,

“I bet there is, dude.” Aubrey rolls her eyes as she texts Chloe, asking for food recommendations in the area.

They were in the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Tokyo because of Beca’s sponsorship with major hotels one of them being Mariott, scoring her the best room at the hotel. Aubrey even got a connecting room which was a smaller suite but very nice nonetheless.  Aubrey hoped her friend would know a good place to eat at in the tourist city, although the ginger worked in an area bit away from the city. 

She gets a text back from Chloe, with a link of the location of the restaurant. ‘It should be super close to where ur staying!!’ She adds on to the link and also starts texting something again. ‘I could head over to Akasaka tonight, if ur free and not babysitting your celeb singer:)’ 

Aubrey chuckles and sends back a quick ’thank u Chlo’ and puts her phone in her pocket. “Hey Beca, if you want to go eat some sushi, we can go now.”

At that, Beca shoots out of bed and gets her stuff. “Okay! I’m ready!! I can go now!!” She says like a kid ready to go to Disneyland.

“Okay dude, let’s go.” Aubrey chuckles as she grabs the card key and leaves the room, following the brunette. They weren’t really supposed to go around that much without the group of bodyguards Beca had, but people probably wouldn’t really notice her as much as people in the US would, so Aubrey wished for the best as she entered the elevator. 

They eat the sushi as they come down the conveyor belt. 

“Hey Beca, my friend Chloe wants to come hang out with me tonight. Do you wanna go get some drinks with us tonight? I know you have no friends so I’m guessing you’ll come with?” Aubrey jokes as she eats her last sushi on her plate.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll go with you guys.” 

“I know you want to. Just admit it Beca.” The blonde chuckles as she gets up grab another plate. 

“Whatever Posen.” Beca grabs the cake that comes from the top part of the belt. “I could eat a million of these cakes and desserts.” She says as she takes a bite. 

“Yeah. We can come back again soon. As long as you pay Mitchell.” 

“Fine. But its like so nice, its like a dollar per plate, right? Thats pretty awesome.” She says as she finishes the cake. “I’m full now. You good now?” The brunette asks the blonde.

“Wait I want to have one of those cakes too! Go get a coffee or something.” Aubrey says as she orders a cake on the tablet on the table. 

“Me too!” Beca says as she orders herself another cake. 

A few hours later, they’ve gotten back to the hotel and now getting ready to go out again to see Chloe. 

“Beca, you ready slowpoke?” “Just a minute!!” “Your eyeliner still looks horrible if you take 5 seconds or 3 hours to do!” Aubrey shouts back as she checks her phone. They’re supposed to be at some station nearby in 30 minutes. She knows that Tokyo is small but she needs to get there and its gonna take at least 20 minutes.  “C’mon Becaaaaaaaa!”

“Okay! OKay!! I’m ready!” Beca comes out from the bathroom in some skinny jeans and the tank top. She grabs her blue flannel from her suitcase and pockets her phone and wallet. 

“You look normal. I don’t know why it took how long for you to get ready.” The blonde rolls her eyes and grabs her hotel key.

They get to Roppongi station and then takes the train, they don’t know how they managed to, but makes it to Akasaka station. Aubrey sees her best friend in the exit and she starts running towards her, and she leaves Beca behind running towards the ginger as well.  “Aubreyyyyy!! Oh my goshhhh! I missed you so much!!” The ginger hugs the blonde and picks her up with her enthusiasm.

“Chloe! I’m so happy to see you!!” Aubrey says as she hugs her back. 

“You’re just gonna leave me in this huge station?” Beca follows behind and catches up to the two friends. 

“Hi Beca!! Oh my goshhhh! Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!!” Chloe hugs the brunette excitedly. 

“Chill tiger.. It’s nice to meet you….?” 

“Oh… I’m sorry. I’m Chloe Beale! I love all your songs, I especially like Curious.” She smiles. 

“Th-Thanks I guess…”Beca mutters. 

“Are you guys ready to go get some food, and go get some drinks after that?” Chloe says as she grabs her phone from her bag and starts walking. 

“Yeah. Let’s go. I’m starving. “ Beca says as she follows the ginger.

“You had food like 2 hours ago!” Aubrey chuckles as they all walk towards the exit of the station. 

“Whatever, are you hungry Chloe?” Beca asks awkwardly.

“Yeah, the tiny humans were a bit crazy today.” She chuckles, “And I’m also always up for good food. But what kind of food would you guys like to eat? Like Japanese food, or Mexican, American? I don’t know, you name it, I’ll try to find a place.” 

“Umm.. I don’t know.. Beca?” Aubrey answers and looks at the brunette.

“Uh… Are there tacos around here?” Aubrey laughs as Beca answers. 

“Well, tacos it it I guess! Theres a really good place called Taco Rico in one of the buildings and I honestly cannot tell you how obsessed with it I am!” Chloe says as she starts walking.

“I’m so excited!” Beca says as she grabs her phone and takes a selfie video of her walking the streets of Tokyo. “Hey guys! I’m in Japan right now! Look at this! Isn’t this amazing??” She makes sure the whole view around can be seen and cuts off the video.  “Happy now Posen? I’ll post it with dinner pics later when we get back to the hotel.”

“Yeah. Better than pop tart wrappers.” The blonde says as she grabs her phon snapping a few pictures of the city. 

“I think the pop tart wrappers post was pretty cool. I think it’s an art form and also made me want some.” She chuckles. 

“Don’t let her do this Chloe.” Aubrey groans. 

“Thank you! I thought so too. It even got me a brand deal. So shut up Posen.” She sticks her tongue out at her. “I have some in my suitcase. Want some?” A small “Oh my god. What do you not have in your suitcase?” Can be heard from the blonde but the ginger doesn’t seem to mind. 

“Oh my gosh! That would be amazing!!” Chloe says as she makes a turn. “Is it true that you have the biggest room in the Ritz-Carlton?” She asks curiously.

Beca looks at the ginger who seems to be excited as a kid in a candy shop. “Yeah. You wanna come see it? We can get drinks and stuff up in the room.” 

“That would be amazing Beca!” 

“You never invite anyone to your hotel room.” The blonde chuckles.

Making a turn and entering a building, Chloe cheerfully says, “We’re almost here!” 

“Why can’t I just invite your friend over to my room?” Beca mumbles. 

“I didn’t say that.“ Aubrey rolls here eyes as they enter the building. 

“So, you basically check the menu and order your choice, subway style.” Chloe shows her smile. “They speak English so its also super nice.” 

“Um… Do you have a favorite??” Beca asks the ginger.

“Umm…. I think I like the grilled chicken and avocado tacos. Basically anything is pretty good.” She smiles and gets in the queue to order some food. 

“I’m gonna try one of the burritos.” Beca says as she looks at the burrito menu. She orders after Chloe and then waits for everyone else to order so that she can pay. “I got it.” She says quietly as she gives the cashier her card. They make small conversation, as it turns out, the cashier is a fan of the brunette’s music. 

“Thank you.” Chloe smiles as she looks at Aubrey. “She’s cute.” She says to her best friend. The blonde makes a face. “What?” She chuckles. “I wonder if she’s good in bed.” Chloe jokingly says and winks, making the blonde choke on particularly nothing. “Oh my god Bree! Youre…” The red head says eyes wide with realization.

“You okay Posen? I can’t have a dead manager.” Beca chuckles, not having heard what Chloe had said earlier. “Where are we eating?” Beca asks the ginger. 

“I dunno… we can eat here, or go outside and eat there.” 

“We can just sit here and eat I guess.” Beca says as she sits at one of the tables. 

“Okay. Sounds good to me. “ The ginger smiles as she sits down right next to the girl. 

  They eat their food and then leave the place to head back to the suite, buying some alcohol on the way back at a nearby convenience store. Beca has the best time there, spending almost $80 with snacks and drinks. 

The trio head inside the hotel and into Beca’s suite. “Oh my god. This room is gigantic!!” Chloe exclaims as she walks around the room like a little kid. “Where are you sleeping Bree? On the couch??” She laughs as she sits on the couch. 

“Oh I have a connecting room next door, away from this annoying one.” Aubrey says as she opens the door to her room. “See? I even have a room all to myself.” At that, Chloe jumps off the couch and rushes into Aubrey’s suite room, excitedly screaming as she explores the room. Beca laughs as she heard the redhead cheer excitedly at all the fancy things in her room. 

“You know, there’s a tv in my bathroom.” Beca laughs and Chloe comes back into the room and runs to the bathroom and makes another screech of joy. “OH my GOSH!!” She says like an excited child. “This is amazing!” She takes another spin around the room. “Wow….” Now she’s left speechless. 

“You can stay here tonight if you want.” Beca says to the ginger. “I can have them roll in another bed.” 

“Or you can stay in my room.” Aubrey says quickly. “If you don’t want to stay with Beca. I’ll even let you sleep on my bed.” Aubrey says. 

Chloes just stuck in awe, not even saying a thing at the offer from the two. 

“I would let you stay in my bed, but I’m pretty sure Aubrey is about to kill me, so….” Beca gets a jab on the side from Aubrey. “Ow! You don’t have tp be so mean Posen!” She pushes her back, but Aubrey not even budging a bit. “Should we open some drinks and hang out for a bit?” She tries to change the subject. 

“Oh, yeah. Let’s do that.” Aubrey says as she grabs one of the colorful cans from the plastic bags. “You want one Chlo?” She asks the ginger. 

“…uh! Yeah! I’ll take one!” Chloe says as she grabs a can from the blonde’s hand. “You want one too Bec?” She hands the brunette a can. The brunette blushes as she takes the can from her. 

“Thanks.” She says as she opens it. “Cheers I guess…” She says and the three clink their drinks together, taking a sip. “Wow.. this is pretty good.”

A few hours and a few drinks in, they all start tiring out. The blonde being the first one to retreat back to her bed at around 12am, simply telling the ginger to come stay in her bed if she needs to, and  says goodnight to the group. 

Chloe and Beca are still awake, sipping on their drinks. 

Beca’s the first one to speak up after the blonde leaves. “So, how do you know Posen?”

“We met in college. Bree and I were in the Barden Bellas, an acapella group. We were co-leaders of the group and best friends. But tell me, how did she become your manager? I know she worked at capitol as a public relations assistant, but I was so surprised to hear that she became your manager.” She asks the younger girl.

“Umm… I don’t know. I got the chance to work with Capitol somehow, and she just became my manager. I think they wanted the public relations aspect to play in with my managing? I honestly don’t know.” She chuckles. 

“I really like your music Beca.” Chloe says as she grabs a potato chip and pops it in her mouth. “Especially the mashups you make, BMCoda.” She winks.

It wasn’t a well known thing that Beca made mashups before her debut. Only some people knew her as BMCoda, her SoundCloud username. Some fans had figured it out, but not a lot, and the fact that Beca has never confirmed it publicly except the few hints she drops sometimes on instagram.

“How… how did you know that? Did Posen tell you about it?”She asks. 

“Oh so it’s really true.” She says. “No. I figured it out. Your coda necklace, and your voice.” She points to the coda on beca’s neck. “I thought it sounded familiar. And you also stopped posting mashups a few months before your first single. I especially liked the one with Titanium and Bulletproof. That song is my jam. My lady jam….” She chuckles. 

“Uh….oh… okay… that’s cool… thanks I guess…..” Beca replies awkwardly as she looks back into the ginger’s eyes.“Yeah. I just couldn’t find the time anymore.” She plays with the hem of her shirt. “My life was suddenly just so busy with all the press and shit… It drains you, you know… all the flashes, all the questions..”  "I’m sorry…” 

“No, it’s fine. I knew what I was getting myself into. It’s not like I’m gonna be here forever. I’m gonna go to the producing side. I mean, not right away, but soon. After this tour, I’m gonna take a break.” She sighs. 

“What are you gonna do then?” The blonde asks taking a sip of her drink. 

“I don’t know. Live schedule-less for a while. See where that brings me. Maybe travel? Who knows?” She shrugs as she pulls on the loose string of her shirt. 

“Am I allowed to know this secret?” Chloe chuckles. “Aren’t these like top secret plans?” 

“I guess I’ll have to kill you now.” Beca jokes. “Or make you sign an NDA.” She says as she grabs her drink. 

“I’d rather sign that NDA if you have one. I still kinda wanna live.” She chuckles, putting her drink down. “So, what are you and Bree? I’ve never seen her that visibly jealous at me talking with you.” She says to the brunette. 

“W-what!? What do you mean?” Beca stutters. 

“Oh, even a blind man could feel see the chemistry and sexual tension  between you. You know she likes you, right? She’s never told me, but I know.” The red head says to her. 

“We’re not… We aren’t a thing. We’re just friends with benefits or fuck buddies, or whatever you wanna call it.” Beca says aloud for the first time. 

“Bullshit. I know you have feelings for her too. You’re just trying to act like they’re not there. You two act like you hate each other, but it’s just you two protecting yourselves from letting feelings actually happen.” She says to the brunette. “You both are just to scared to say it.” 

“I-I can’t tell her I have feelings for her, she’s my manager!” Beca says.

Chloe tries to shush her, but it’s too late. The door opens, and the blonde, in her pajama pants and a matching top comes into the room. “Feelings for who?….” She asks.

“Nothing! It’s nothing Posen! J-just go back to bed! I’m sorry I woke you up!” Beca exclaims as she gets up in a panic. “I-i gotta go to bed! Good night guys!” She runs to her room and slams the door shut in embarrassment. 

“Beca! Wait….”Before Aubrey can say anything, the brunette runs to her room and doesn’t even hear a thing she says. 

“Go, go tell her how you feel. I know you’re in love with her.” Chloe says to her best friend as she just stands between the door and the couch. 

“I-I’m not….” Aubrey begins. 

“Bullshit. Bree, that’s bullshit. Stop trying to protect yourself. I saw how jealous you were acting today when I was talking to Beca. When you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and clear. And you go from there. Thats what you do. Now go. Go and tell her. I’m taking your bed tonight. Good night.” Chloe says as she leaves the room. Aubrey hears the lock click from the other side, meaning she had no choice but to go tell Beca. 

She knocks on the door of the bedroom, takes a deep breath and walks in when she hears Beca say, “Come in.”

“I’m sorry I woke you up. I really am.” Beca says to her.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I didn’t want to accept the fact that It was true because I was too scared. I’m your manager and I couldn’t risk anything.”She says in a calm tone.

“And I think you love me too. And if you do, tell me. Tell me and we can stop pretending like we’re always on each other’s nerves. And if you don’t, I don’t know, but…”

Beca’s never seen Aubrey ramble like that. “Bree… stop. I love you too.” She says calmly. “I’m scared. But I love you, I just do.” 

Aubrey walks towards Beca, Beca gets up and off the bed.

“We’ll figure it out together. I promise. I’m freaking out too.” The blonde says as she kisses the brunette. 

For the first time, it’s not just a kiss during sex. It’s a gentle, loving kiss. Beca melts into it and it feels like home. She lets her arm wrap around Aubrey’s neck and pulls them closer. 

“I love you.” “I love you too.” The brunette hugs her a bit tighter, and it feels right. 

“I know everything is in the wrong order and it’s crazy, but be my girlfriend? ” Beca asks the older woman. 

It’s just then, Aubrey’s stomach growls. The two burst into laughter as the blonde opens her mouth. “Yes. I’ll be your girlfriend. But can we have some room service? I’m super hungry.” She chuckles. 

Beca nods, going to the phone and picking it up as well as the menu and gives it to the blonde. “You pick.” 

Thank god for 24 hour room service, because at 3:37am, the two have two full plates of warm breakfast foods, right in front of them. They quickly eat the food on their bed, and eventually fall asleep on the bed, talking to each other, catching up on all the things they’ve wanted to talk to each other about. 

Chloe wakes up at around 10am in her best friend’s bed, without her in it. She gets out of bed and walks out of the room and into the living room area of Beca’s room to see that the bedroom door is in fact, open, and sees the blonde and the brunette, asleep, in each others arms. She goes back to the other room and sits in front of the TV snd turns it on, watching it until about 11:30, when the blonde comes into the room. 

“Morning.” She says to the ginger as she sits next to her. 

“Morning. How was it?” She asks her as she looks at her friend up and down. 

“What? We didn’t do anything last night…” She mumbles as she turns red. 

“Ew! I don’t need to know anything about you two’s sex life! I’m just asking how it went.” 

“I told her. Thank you Chloe.” 

“No need to thank me, just invite me to your wedding as your maid of honor.” She jokes. “I’m hungry. Can I order something?” She asks her friend. 

“Yeah. Of corse. Whatever you need. I’ll just have my girlfriend pay for it.” Aubrey says naturally. 

“Oh my god! Girlfriend!? Oh my god! I’m so proud of you!!” Chloe excitedly gives her a hug.

“T-thanks. I-I’m gonna go. Text me if you need anything.” The blonde says as she leaves the room. 

“mm... Where were you?…” Beca mumbles as Aubrey comes back into the room. 

“I was just talking to Chloe. You know, about last night.” 

“Come back to bed.. I miss you..” Beca says as she looks at the blonde. “What did she say?” “She was very excited for us.” Aubrey gets back into bed with Beca. “Hmm… you’re warm…” She mutters as she kisses her head. “Tell me you love me again?” 

“I love you Bree.” Beca kisses the blonde, twisting her neck. 

“I love you too baby.”

[wtfockinternational]

An article about wtFOCK translated from Dutch:

How wtFOCK conquers taboos through trial and error

wtFOCK: for one person a key player, for the other a rather strange combination of consonants. Young people can’t seem to stay away from the successful web series. The new season has started, so we can look back at the previous one. For three months many fans were glued to their screens for a sixteen-year-old’s coming-out. Did this pave a way for more and honest representation of LGBTQ+-problems, or did they occasionally stray from that path?

“‘Secret’ series wtFOCK became the most popular search term on Google in 2019”, various media reported in December. This news seemed to come as a surprise, because many people seemed to have never heard of the term, let alone the web series. And still the series could crown itself the proverbial king of last year’s Google. How did that happen?

The online series that arrived here from Norway mostly seems a hit with teenagers and young adults. In nine weeks’ time the third season got about 11.8 million online views, SBS Belgium said. In total around 400,000 young people between 15 and 34 would be watching the series.

The presumed reason for the success? Young people can follow the characters daily via their smartphones through short, real-time updates and real Instagram-accounts. So ideal in a world where watching linear television, especially for the younger generation, becomes more out of the question. Besides that the series is kept out of the media consciously, to preserve its authenticity and let young people discover it on their own. So far, so good, it seems.

Homosexual main character

Concretely wtFOCK follows the lives of young people in secondary school, where all kinds of teenage troubles don’t get avoided. Since the previous season more social problems are being discussed, too. The series tackled a topic that still hasn’t completely removed itself from the taboo atmosphere: homosexuality, a coming-out, and everything that comes with it. From absolute peaks to the sometimes painful lows we are witnesses to the bumpy road towards self-acceptance that sixteen-year-old Robbe experiences.

But is that a new thing, an LGBT-character in Flemish fiction? Florian Vanlee researches the LGBTQ+-representation in Flemish television series at Ghent University. He clarifies: “About 20 percent of productions is said to have a prominent LGBT-character. Regarding supporting characters, it’s about 33 percent. That’s a relatively large part.”

It does seem the first time that in a commercial youth television the full attention of the main character goes towards homosexuality. “It’s remarkable how instantaneously the focus explicitly goes towards homosexuality. wtFOCK is therefore a very valuable program”, Vanlee says. The question therefore arises how the new form of representation was received by the LGBTQ+-community.

About recognition and self-acceptance

Amver Maselis, a 20-year-old bisexual student from Hove, has been a fan of the original SKAM. When the series ended in Norway, she started to follow the other remakes. Therefore her interest also brought her to wtFOCK. Passionately she talks about a series which she clearly values a lot. “I’ve been following the project for several years, and despite the subtle differences between shows, the main topics are always portrayed nicely.”

Out of all the remakes she thinks wtFOCK is the best one. Then again, the Flemish version connects the most with her own environment. “Now that the series has arrived in Antwerp, in my own culture, it suddenly feels very close to home.”

It helps that she really recognizes herself in Robbe, the main character that comes out of the closet to his friends and family in his teenage years. “It touches me, because I notice that I’ve sometimes said or felt the same things. Back then it was a huge secret I kept to myself. Now I know that it’ll all be fine,” says Amber. ‘ For other young people the series could be encouraging, like SKAM was for me three years ago, when I had just come out of the closet and I has to learn to accept myself.”

22-year-old Fabio Olivieri from Antwerp seems to share that opinion. As a teenager he barely saw a gay character to which he could relate. It comforts him to know that that’s different for the youth today. Besides that he commends the portrayal of the fact that members of the LGBT-community often have to learn to accept themselves, too. “sometimes it’s hard to learn how to deal with it, to know how you feel and if you want to feel that way. That’s portrayed beautifully.”

“Do you have questions?”

So the storyline can be a comfort to youth who can relate to it. wtFOCK also consciously wants to focus on that aspect. Not only by pushing the subject forward, but also by working together with the online platform WAT WAT. This initiative of the Flemish Government is a bundling of forces of more than 70 organizations to inform the youth. Together, those organizations want to make sure that “all young people are confident and can develop their identity in a positive manner.” On the website, youth can find answers about exam stress, problems at home, but also about sex, sexuality, … you name it.

After every clip of wtFOCK the possibility to visit watwat.be is shown, “in case you have questions”. That initiative pleases Ferre Lamber, a 25-year-old man from Antwerp who remembers how he also went to the internet for questions about his homosexuality when he was younger. “Sometimes it’s just hard to tell someone directly that you’re doubting your sexual orientation. So I can definitely imagine that young people will look online for answers.”

This way, wtFOCK wants to do more than just entertain. “Even though it’s fiction, which automatically entails the aspect of entertainment, that is not the essence of our show”, screenwriter Bram Renders says, incidentally also the writer of youth series W817. “We mostly want to show the youth that they’re not alone. That element is strongly present, and it’s nice that we can convey that message like this.”

The harsh reality

Thus, the series carries an important reality, which can be harsh sometimes. Fabio isn’t sure if he can always appreciate that. “I thought that the homophobia in wtFOCK was pretty cruel sometimes. Somehow that’s a good thing, because real life is like that, too. I’ve already experienced that myself. But in series the focus is generally on all the problems gay characters come into contact with. It would have been nice to see that this wasn’t the case. It has two sides.”

One specific scene that, for the same reason, caused a bomb of critical reactions on Twitter to explode, was when gay bashing was shown shortly, but very explicitly. The choice to portray it, is understandable based on the fact that it’s still a real and current problem today. At the end of December, two LGBT-boys in Ghent became victims of gay bashing. In Het Nieuwsblad they called for other victims to not stay silent, but to report such senseless violence to the police. However, in wtFOCK it’s shown how the main character and his boyfriend decide not to go to the police.

Ferre can understand that decision. “As a victim you want to avoid even more trouble and je need the strength to do something about it. I understand that not everyone would have that. One single right way to deal with gay bashing doesn’t exist.”

Ferre is concerned by, is the way in which the show depicted the incident as a while. The scene depicts how Robbe and his boyfriend get verbally abused and attacked. It end abruptly with the two left injured. Only the next day do we as viewer get to know if everything is okay. “Two years ago, when I hadn’t been with my boyfriend for that long, we were followed, too. After, we cuddled, drank tea, and watched a series, … at moment like that you just want to be together lovingly. You want to know if everything will be okay. But in wtFOCK nothing happened on the night itself and the matter was resolved quickly afterwards.”

Criticism

So more clarity would have been appropriate. The possibilities that you have as a victim after such an incident weren’t emphasized enough according to Ferre. Especially not for a show that has the support of a platform like WAT WAT.

This is clearly not the first time that Bram Renders hears this criticism. He has already given up on reading reactions on Twitter, he jokes. Hesitantly he does admit that they could’ve handled the scene better.

‘How it was protrayed, is more intense than how I imagined it during my rose-colored writing process.’  He says. ‘ That’s no criticism towards the director, because you can never know something like that beforehand. But in hindsight it would have been appropriate to show a follow-up-clip, in which they come home for example. As writeryou always have moments of which you think that it would have been better if you handled them differently; this is one of them.’

Besides that it was a conscious decision to make wtFOCK more heavy than the original SKAM. That decision came after prior conversations with people from the LGBTQ+-community. ‘According to the most people I talked to, was the internal struggle of the main character in the original version too small en was the world around him to rose-colored. So we made that world more raw.’ said Renders.

Ignorance

Then again, benefit of such heavy scenes is the awareness it brings about in viewers outside the LGBTQ+-community. “If you don’t know anyone who’s gay, then you also don’t know how we feel and how we experience certain things,” Fabio emphasizes. “I think that because of wtFOCK people can become more aware. Especially with the amount of young people that watch the series, it can provide more understanding and tolerance.”

Ferre also thinks that larger audiences are show what LGBT-people have to deal with. “Nowadays we don’t know enough about each other’s lives. I noticed that when colleagues or friends asked surprised if certain scenes are really like that, and if I’m really scared to hold hands with my boyfriend in the streets. The different seasons of wtFOCK provide good insights into different problems and how people handle them”, he decides.

Of course, purely scientifically it’s hard to determine such an impact on the audience. But intuitively speaking, that impact is already very logical, researcher Florian Vanlee (UGent) clarifies. “On one side, it can be important for people who do not meet the social standard to see their own experiences portrayed. On the other side, it can make those experiences for those who have less knowledge about it more obvious.”

New insights get subtly imparted throughout the series, but sometimes also in a more explicit manner, like in the part about the Gay Pride. At one point Robbe sneering tells his homosexual roommate that he isn’t the kind of person to dance around at Prides with “plumes in his hole”. That roommate is a more extravagant character that is mostly portrayed as support, with wise advice. He offers Robbe (but mostly the viewer) rebuttal with a short, but emotional history lesson. “Do you know that those people had to fight to be who they are?”, it sounds.

The show is undoubtedly referring to the protests of Stonewall which later grew into the Gay Prides all over the world. Something that is often forgotten, gets emphasized here: that people in the LGBTQ+-community had to travel a long and difficult path to have equal rights today and to be able to completely be themselves.

Amber thinks it’s very important for that history to be highlighted. “That people would rather die than not be able to be who they are, is the basic principle of the Gay Pride. There’s more behind it than semi-naked, dancing people, as some still see it.”

Better representation

Referring to the Gay Pride, Ferre admits to be somewhat disappointed about the type of main character in this season of wtFOCK. According to him it also could’ve been a more pronounced type for once. According to him, LGBTQ+-representation is focused on the so-called ‘mainstream’ LGBT-people too often.

At the start of September the topic got a lot of attention, when radio-dj Wanne Synnave (MNM) made the following statement in the talkshow Vandaag: “The biggest problem is that all the role models you see conform to the cliché image. I’ve never been able to identify myself in that area. I think that there’s a need for more mainstream LGBT-role models, the normal man and woman in the street. So not those flamboyant role models, which are pretty cliché.”

That statement caused a lot of outrage in the LGBTQ+-community. Many people didn’t agree, and had the opinion that there were already plenty of LGBT-people portrayed according to ‘hetero standards’. Florian Vanlee (UGent) confirms that in Flanders very little stereotypical characters are portrayed. “You could almost go so far as to say that the majority of the LGBT-characters are a sort of reverse-stereotype. For example, you will very rarely find very flamboyant gay characters.”

So television program makers represent (admittedly with good intentions) in a very general manner. “But exactly because of that, a large part of the LGBT-community are kept out of the picture”, Vanlee says. So there is need for more varying representation.

Balance

In the specific case of wtFOCK we can argue that the show follows the original format from Norway, and takes satisfaction in the extravagant gay character Milan, the roommate. “It’s hard to find a good balance”, screenwriter Bram Renders says. “In this case I thought that that balance with the ‘out in the open, take it or leave it’-roommate was enough.

In addition, according to Florian Vanlee, it’s not fair to judge individual series on those choices. “That’s not the right way to deal with what we want to see in media and popular culture”, Vanlee thinks. “Nowadays, in Flanders, it’s normal to represent LGBT-characters, for example Kaat in the soap Thuis. That was already an important step. What could be better, isn’t the responsibility of the television-industry, but also the discourse it generates,” he decides.

Finally, representation in Flemish media doesn’t just concern LGBTQ+-characters. It’s also important to look at the portrayal of people with a migration background or with different religions, for example. But wtFOCK doesn’t shy away from that either. In the fourth season, the show takes a new taboo by the horns by making Yasmina, a Muslim character, the main. It remains to be seen how the young, but critical audience will find the new theme.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Forty-Nine

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, and a wee bit of Angst. 

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

“Morning, Harry.” Isaac smiles at Harry as he walks in.

“Mornin’.” He says going right to his office. He was extremely groggy. He barely got any sleep thinking about a future with you. He was just too excited at the thought of you someday being the mother of his children.

“Have a good weekend?”

“Mm.” He says, not really being awake enough to talk yet.

He goes into his office and sits down. His phone buzzes, a notification from Instagram. You had posted some pictures from Saturday. He smiles when he swipes to see the picture of the two of you, and then some from the photo booth. You also added a funny one of you and Niall, and a decent picture of the four of you. He double taps to like it, and sets his phone aside. Julia knocks on his door.

“Hi Harry.”

“Hi.”

“Doing the coffee rounds.”

“Julia.” He sighs. “I ask for the same thing every mornin’, do ya think we could skip this part and just go straight to when you actually give me the coffee from now on?”

“Um…sure, Harry, I could do that.”

“I’d really appreciate it.”

She smiles and leaves. He knew she looked forward to that first interaction every day, but he just needed the time to settle in without being interrupted. He grabs a camera and head down to the set up he’d be working with for the day. Mariah joins him a couple minutes later. They chat about the weekend and he shows her the pictures you posted. Julia comes over with their coffees.

“Ah, thanks, love.” Harry says without really thinking about it, taking a sip of his coffee. Her face heats up.

“You’re welcome.” She smiles at him.

“Right, well, have fun with Myk today.”

She turns and leaves them alone. Later when he feel puckish for a snack he bumps into Paige in the breakroom.

“Hey, H.” She says.

“Hi Paige, good weekend?”

“Yeah it was alright, went by way too fast.”

“Agreed.” He grabs a protein bar from a cabinet. “How are things with Dana?”

“Really good actually, she’s a fast learner. It’s been nice having some help, I’ve been able to get a lot more work done since I’ve been letting her handle some more of the mundane tasks. Thanks again for telling Ryan to have her work with me.”

“So you haven’t been annoyed at all?”

“I was at first, but once I realized that she was actually helping I was totally over it.” She smiles.

“Good, glad I could help.” He smiles back.

Harry’s day is easy for the most part. No one really interrupted him which he greatly appreciated. There were a fuck ton of pictures and shots he needed to take. He was exhausted by the time he needed to leave to meet Niall.

“Have a good evening, H.” Isaac says as he leaves.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Always have such a bright smile on your face? I have to say it always helps me leave here with a good mood.” Harry smiles at him and leaves.

“Oh my god.” Isaac says to himself, feeling slightly flustered.

//

Harry meets Niall at the storage unit, and they take a couple of trips bringing things back and forth. After work you went home to pack up a bunch of things. You also wanted to make dinner for Harry since you knew he’d be hungry after doing so much heavy lifting. When he got home he was sweaty and tired. He took his shirt off the second he was able to hang his coat up. He was desperate for a shower, and you.

You were bent over cleaning something up off the floor, tears streaming down your cheeks. Harry rushes over to you, and you stand up.

“Hi.” You sniffle, and then look at him surprised. “Where’s your shirt?”

“I just took it off, what happened?”

“I was taking dinner out of the oven and I burnt myself and then I dropped everything on the floor. I feel really bad because I know you did a ton of work tonight and I just wanted to have a nice dinner made for you.” You wipe your eyes.

“Where’d you get burnt, babe.”

“My wrist, look.” You hold your wrist out to him. He leads you over to the sink and runs a paper towel under some warm water. You raise an eyebrow at him.

“It’s better to run a burn under warm water, cold water will make it scar.” He dabs your wrist with the paper towel and you wince, but relax at the way he touches you. “I’m sorry this happened.”

“I just finished cleaning everything up. I’ll have to dive into our frozen meals, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, love.” He continues to press the paper towel to your wrist. He removes it and brings your wrist up to his mouth for a kiss. “There, all better.” He kisses the top of your head. “A frozen meal is just fine, do ya mind poppin that pizza we got in the oven? I’m desperate for a shower. I probably smell like a goat.” You giggle.

“You smell just fine, and yeah I can make that for us.”

“Thanks.”

He goes into the bathroom and gets in the shower. He stands there for a while just letting the warm water cascade over him. You pop the pizza into the oven, and go sit on the couch with your laptop. You wanted to start your first assignment for class. You had to read a few chapters out of your book and then post in a forum. You had two different high lighters out so you could color code. Harry comes out in just a pair of boxers, his hair still damp. He sits down next to you. You had the TV on while you were reading and high lighting. He watched as your lips mouthed the words you were reading.

“How can you concentrate with the TV on?”

“Hm?” You look at him. “I don’t know, I need the background noise. I usually have the TV on or listen to music while I do my homework. Are you one of those people that need it silent?”

“No, I used to listen to music, just couldn’t read with the TV on.”

“Well, I already read what questions she wants answered in the forum, so I’m just skimming for quotes.”

“Cheatin’ the system a bit?” He smirks.

“I learned a long time ago, it’s all about learning how the teacher teaches. I’m taking in all of the content, but I also know how to play the game. I’m not going to put in a crazy amount of effort if I don’t need to.”

“What happened to givin’ your all?”

“I still am.” You shrug. “I still fully intend to get an A, I’m just doing it the way I know how.”

“How come you have two high lighters?”

“I code while I read, it helps me remember things when I go back to study later.”

“What-“

“Harry.” You sigh. “TV is one thing, but you talking isn’t really helping me read.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I can go into the bedroom if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. Do your readin’ here.” He smiles.

You get back to it and find what you need for quotes. You grab your laptop and open up a word document. You had a word limit you needed to hit and you wanted to hit it well. Harry steals glances of you. You looked so concentrated. He couldn’t believe how fast you were typing away while you answered your questions. The timer went off on the oven, so he got up to take it out. He let it cool for a few minutes and then sliced it up. He brought two pieces on a plate over for you and set it on the coffee table. You copied everything from the document into the forum and posted.

“Finally.” You sigh and grab the pizza. “In a couple days I have to respond two people, and then I’ll be done for the week.”

“Seems tedious.”

“Very, but it’s easy so I’m not complaining.”

“What’s this class about?”

“It’s a philosophy, ethics, and education course. I think I want to teach at a collegiate level someday so getting an MEd is the route I think I’m going to take.”

“Hm, Professor Y/L/N, I like the sound of that.”

“Me too, I especially like the way it sounds coming from you.” You give him a peck on the cheek and dive into your pizza.

“I don’t think I’d survive one of your classes.”

“Why’s that?”

“The combination of how strict you’d probably be with how sexy you’d look teachin’ would just be disastrous. I’d probably have to come to your office for extra help, and then who knows what would happen?” You shake your head at him.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s true! I wonder what options you’d give me for extra credit.”

“Who says you’d even take one of my classes?” You get up and put both of your plates in the sink. He follows you around.

“If I saw you on campus, I’d sign up for any class you’d be teachin’.”

“That’s only because you know me.”

“Not true.”

“Are you saying there was a hot professor at your school that you took every class with?”

“God no, I don’t think I had a single young, hot professor.” He laughs. “I typically stuck with the grad assistants.” You roll your eyes at him. “Kidding! Yikes, lighten up.” He smirks.

“Harry, I would literally not be surprised to find out if you fucked every single woman at both of your universities.”

“Not all of ‘em, didn’t fuck anyone that had a boyfriend.”

“My, how considerate of you.” You say sarcastically.

“What about me? If I were a professor at your university, would you have had a crush on me?”

“Harry, I think in any universe I would have a crush on you.” His cheeks heat up. He wasn’t expecting such an honest answer. You walk away from him and plop back down on the couch.

“Don’t get too comfy, c’mon.” You turn your head up to look at him.

“What?”

“Bedroom, let’s go.” You cross your arms and turn your attention back to the TV. “Y/N.”

“Aren’t you too tired?”

“Caught a second wind. Nothin’ on the TV is more important right now.”

“Says you.” You point to the TV. “The Bachelor is just about to start.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Harry, the season of The Bachelor starts tonight, and I’d like to watch.” He comes over to sit next to you.

“Please, tell me you’re joking.”

“No, and in fact…” Your phone goes off, you have a FaceTime request from Niall. Your face lights up as you answer. “Hey!”

“Tell me you’re watchin’!”

“Yes! And you’re friend here doesn’t seem to understand the importance.”

“Next Monday we are gettin’ together to watch, just like last season.”

“Yes! Please, I need you here. Can you believe they went with Peter over Mike?”

“I’m still not over it.” Harry bends over and puts his face in his hands.

“I cannot fucking believe this.”

“You can either sit and watch or go to another room. This is my guilty pleasure and I’m allowed to have it.”

“Can’t you just record it?”

“And be spoiled by all the people on Twitter, I don’t think so.”

“What else is so important?” Niall asks. You give him a telling look and he starts laughing. “Keep it in your pants mate!”

“That seems to be how it’s going to be this evening.”

You and Niall decide to just text each other during the episode so Harry is slightly less annoyed. He grabbed his laptop and put his headphones in so he didn’t have to fully watch. He’d glance up at you when he’d hear you gasp or start laughing hysterically.

“What a dumb bitch!”

“Oh god, I really don’t like any of these girls.”

“Peter! You’re horny stop!”

Harry took his headphones off when he heard you say that. He looks at the screen and sees two people heavily making out.

“What in the fuck are you actually watching?”

“This is how The Bachelor is! This guy last season, he fucked this girl four times! Four times! He just wants to bone, I don’t know if he’s ready for marriage, I just don’t see it.”

“How long is this?”

“Usually it’s two hours, but because it’s the premiere, it’s three hours tonight. It’s live.”

“Three hours?!”

“You don’t have to stay up the whole time with me if you don’t want, babe.” It was already 9:30.

“No, I…”

“What?”

“I don’t wanna go to bed at a different time than you.” You turn to look at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think it’s good when couple’s go to bed at different times. Like, I could already be asleep when you come to bed. Then we wouldn’t really be able to enjoy a cuddle. What’s the fun in that?”

“My parents never went to bed at the same time, it’s a perfectly normal thing.”

“Yeah? Look at how well that turned out.” Both of your eyebrows raise in a snap, and you pause the TV.

“What the fuck did you just say to me? Are you telling me that because my parents didn’t go to bed at the same time that that’s why they aren’t together?”

“No, that’s not what I meant…that came out wrong.”

“Don’t know how else you could’ve meant it Harry.” You hit play on the TV and turn your attention back to it. “Maybe you should go to bed now.”

“Can’t go to bed with you mad at me.” You sigh heavily.

“Not mad.”

“Yeah you are, I just pissed ya off. I’m sorry, I-“

“I can’t fucking hear the TV! Please, I just want to watch this!”

“It’d a fuckin’ reality show! Fuck!” He slams his laptop shut and stands up. “Don’t worry I’ll leave you and Niall to you’re textin’.”

“Good, it’s all I wanted, thanks.” You say snappily.

“You know, you didn’t even say thanks for all the shit I had to do after work today.” He crosses his arms. You pause the TV again.

“Yes I did. I tried cooking you dinner, and then I fucked it up. I appreciate everything you did this evening, okay? Would you like a cookie to go along with the thank you? Perhaps another prize of some kind?”

“Note to self, never bother you again when this stupid fuckin’ show is on or else I’ll get bitched out.” He huffs.

“You literally just threw my parent’s separation in my fucking face because I want to stay up late! You’re being psychotic Harry, it’s one night that I’m not going to go to bed with you at the same time, fuck, you’re such a baby sometimes!”

What was happening right now? He knew he shouldn’t have said that, but now you were cutting deep.

“Psychotic? A baby?”

“Yup and yup. Did you ever stop to think maybe I had a stressful day, and maybe I was looking forward to watching my stupid fuckin’ show all day? I’m sorry, Harry, but you’re wrong. Now leave me alone.”

“I’m not bein’ psychotic.” He pouts. 

“Oh my god!” You stand up and turn the TV off. You whip the remote on the couch and stomp off to the bedroom.

“What are you doin’?” He follows you to the bedroom.

“This is what you wanted right? I’m going to bed with you. I’ll just watch the rest during my lunch break tomorrow. Now I have to text Niall not to tell me who Peter’s sending home.” You were texting him furiously. You go into the bathroom and slam the door shut. You come back out after finish your routine and get into the bed.

“Now you’re going to bed upset with me.” He says sitting up in the bed.

“I can’t fucking win with you tonight!” You feel tears prick at your eyes. “Do you want me to go to sleep with you or not?!”

“I wanted to have sex earlier and you wanted to watch TV instead.” You grab the pillow behind you and scream into it, then set it back behind you.

“Harry, I didn’t feel like it.” His mouth forms into a straight line. He really couldn’t comprehend it.

“Because you wanted to watch another guy make out with over twenty women?” You pinch the bridge of your nose with your thumb and forefinger.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” You sigh heavily again. “You’re exhausting, you really are. I’m here, in the bed with you, just like how you wanted.”

“S’not how I wanted.” You blink at him, and turn over. You grab your earbuds and plug them into your phone and put them in your ears. “What are you doin’?”

You don’t say anything, you put on one of your playlists, and start scrolling on your phone.

“Hello? Really, the silent treatment over something so stupid?”

You feel tears roll down your cheeks. You hear him groan and he turns the light off. He stays sitting up in bed with his arms crossed. He could faintly hear your music, but couldn’t quite make it out. He was acting like a baby. He was exhausted and you had denied him. He wanted attention, and you didn’t give it to him. He was wrong to have said that about your parents, but you’re not the only one to have parents that were split up. Although something tells Harry he grew up in a much happier home than you did. Great, now he feels terrible. He hears you sniffle. Fuck. He made you cry.

“Babe?” He places a hand on your hip.

“Go to bed, Harry.”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” You switch your phone to your Hulu app so you can keep watching the show.

You went to bed with Harry, but he didn’t get his proper cuddle. He knew it was his fault. You fell asleep with your headphones in, and woke up with them tangled around you. You put them and your phone on your night table. It was around four in the morning. Harry was asleep facing you. You turn to face him. You felt bad about getting so worked up earlier in the night. You lightly brush his cheek with your hand, and snuggle up next to him.

You rest your forehead against his chest, and your hand on his hip. You feel his arm drape over you. You put one of your legs over his, and he moves his leg between yours.

“Hi.” He says opening his eyes.

“Hi…I hope you don’t think I think a TV show is more important than you.”

“No…I’m sorry about all of it. I shouldn’t have said that about your parents.”

“It’s alright.” You snuggle into him further.

“I know I can be kind of…needy sometimes. And I was bein’ cranky from just bein’ tired.”

“But I like how you are, I like when you want me. You’re so cute.”

“You called me a baby…” He pouts.

“I did…it’s not a lie, you are a baby, but you’re my baby.” You sigh into him. You feel him chuckle against you.

“Just don’t say it in such a mean way again.”

“Okay.”

He moves his hand and tilts your chin up so you look at him. You close your eyes and kiss him. He pulls you closer and deepens the kiss. You roll your hips against his thigh and groan into his mouth.

“Harry, please make love to me.” You whisper.

“Won’t you be too tired for work later?”

“Don’t care.”

You roll over onto your back and pull him with you. He kisses you again, and nips at your jaw and neck. He plants wet kisses on you while his hand roams between your legs. He rubs up and down your slit, getting you nice and wet. He pushes your legs apart as you give his hard cock a few quick pumps. You guide him in and he pushes inside. Your hands reach for his so you can intertwine your fingers. He rests them up above your head on either side your pillow. He slowly pumps in and out of you, and you wrap your legs around his waist. His thrusts were so and sloppy, and you were incredibly turned on. His head is buried in the crook of your neck.

“I hate when we fight.” You say into his year.

“Me too.”

“I love you so much, Harry.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry I was an asshole.” He grits is teeth when you start to move your hips along with his rhythm.

“I’m sorry I acted like a brat.”

He presses up hard into you, and stops moving so you can just grind back and forth on him. You squeeze your hands tightly on his as you feel your stomach start to tighten.

“Ah, fuck, Harry, Harry, shit!” Your release comes and he presses harder into you as you ride it out. You were full on panting. You tighten around him to hold on to your orgasm as long as you can.

“You like when I do that?”

“Yes, feels so good. Love the way I can really feel how hard you are.”

He bites down on your neck and your back arches. His hands tighten around yours as he thrusts in and out of you, chasing his own release. Every moan and groan that leaves his lips and goes into your year sends you. You feel your legs start to shake, and you come at the same time as him. He collapses on top of you and lets go of your hands. You go right for his hair and play with. He slowly pulls out of you and moves to lay on his side facing you. It was around 4:45 in the morning. You sigh and decide to just get up and shower. He grabs onto your hips and you giggle as he pulls your back to his chest.

“I need to pee.”

“Just stay and cuddle a minute, I didn’t go down on ya so you don’t need to be paranoid like ya usually are.” He nuzzles into your hair.

“Alright.” You feel your eyes flutter closed, but they soon open back up when you hear your alarm go off. You get up and turn it off. You groan as you shuffle into the bathroom to take a shower.

You were just washing your hair when you heard the door click open and the curtain shuffle open. Harry steps into the shower as you scrub the rest of the shampoo out of your hair. He waits for you to finish and you step aside to let him step into the water. He looks up at the shower head.

“Ever use tha’ before?” His voice was still raspy from the sleep and the sex. It was so sexy.

“Use what babe?”

“The shower head?” You blink at him, confused.

“You just saw me use it to wash my hair.”

“Not there, there.” He points to your crotch and your cheeks flush.

“Harry, I do not have time for this, I-“

“Just answer the question.”

“No I have not used my showerhead on to get off.”

“Would you like to?”

“Harry, out of all the time we’ve taken a shower together, why are you doing this now? I don’t want to rush to work?”

“It’s not even six yet, you have plenty of time.”

“But, I’ll need to blow dry my hair, and-“

“You didn’t answer my question.” He crosses his arms.

“Would I like to use it to get off? No, not really. Why are you offering to do it for me?” He grins at you and nods. “You just got me off, I’m good for the morning.”

“Good for the mornin’?” He chuckles. “You’re funny. C’mere.”

“Harry…”

“If you’re late to work I give you full permission to be mad at me all day and I won’t make a fuss of it, now.” He grabs your shoulders and moves you. He takes the shower head down and moves towards you.

You nearly ripped the shower curtain off the rod as you had one of the most intense orgasms ever. You thought using a showerhead was only something that worked in movies or porn. The way Harry maneuvered it was astounding. You got out of the shower and left him in there to do his thing. You put a simple outfit together, and started to dry your hair just as Harry was getting out of the shower. He punched your bum as he walked into the bedroom. He went into the kitchen to make a smoothie for the both of you. You end up only partially drying your hair. You braid back some of it and get it all in a ponytail. You put on some make up quickly and walk quickly into the kitchen. You smile when you see the smoothie.

“Mm, thank you.” You say as you take a sip. Harry wraps his arms around you and kisses you tenderly. “I really need to go. It’s my day to get coffee.”

“When did this little tradition of your start?”

“Pretty much when I first started. We both realized we were going to the same coffee shop, so we just started taking turns.” You shrug. You kiss him one more time.

“Do ya ever wanna play hooky?”

“Oh no, no, no.” You step away from him. “You’ve had enough influence over me today. I’m saving my vacation days for the move, remember? Another ten days and we’ll have a whole week off together in our new place.” You grab your smoothie and keys. “I’ll be home late, therapy session today.”

“Alright, have a good day, love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

//

You get to work on time, somehow, and give Niall his coffee. He pulls you into his office quickly.

“What?”

“Your neck! Did you forget a scarf?” Your eyes grow wide and you take out your phone to look. You clamp your hand over the spot.

“Shit! I didn’t even notice. It happened really early this morning.”

“I have one you can wear, but it might look goofy.”

“I’ll try it. I don’t even have makeup with me to cover it up.” You groan. “Maybe I am getting too old for this.” He chuckles and hands you the scarf he wears with his jacket.

“Thanks, this’ll work fine.” You wrap it around your neck.

“Early mornin’ romp?” He smirks.

“Maybe.” You giggle. “We had a little fight last night, and we went to bed upset.”

“Oh yeah, you mentioned that when ya texted me. Did you see the rest of the episode?”

“Yes! So dramatic.”

“As always.”

“I was texting the girls too. We should all get together to watch it.”

“Great idea! Everyone can come to my place Monday.”

“I can’t wait to move and have a few days off to unpack.”

“You know if you need a couple days to work from home this week, I’m sure that would be fine. You’ve got a lot goin’ on with the move, class, and Harry’s birthday this weekend. Where are ya takin’ him again?”

“To where we went on our first date.”

“Oh my god, he’s gonne die.”

“I know! I can’t wait to take him out.”

//

Harry was sitting in a staff meeting, trying his hardest not to fall asleep. It’s not that he was bored, he was just genuinely tired.

“H, you could look a little more interested, you know?” His supervisor Christin says.

“Hm? Sorry, I had a long night.”

“Well perk up. You could at least act to be happy that we’re sending you down to Florida in the middle of winter.”

“I’m sorry what? I…I thought I wasn’t travelin’ much anymore.”

“Sorry, H, but I need you on this one. The assignment’s in the folder I handed out.” He looks around to everyone.

“When do I leave?” He sighs.

“In two weeks.”

“See, the thing is, I’m in the middle of movin’, and I had some vacation time put in-“

“We’re giving it back to you, and you can use it at another time.”

“Is there any particular reason I can’t go, and Harry can stay here?” Mariah asks.

“I need you hear on another assignment.”

“But, Harry really doesn’t want to travel. Him and his girlfriend-“

“Mariah, I don’t need to know about Harry’s personal life, neither does anyone else in this room. Harry, I know it’s not ideal, but I need you on this.”

“How long am I gone for?”

“About a week.” His heart sinks into his stomach. He just wanted to have the time off with you. And the thought of you spending the first night in your new place alone crushed him. He thought he was going to be sick. Everyone could see it on his face, except Christin.

“Okay.” He says looking down.

“H, listen, you’re going to be in Florida, try to perk up, hm?”

“Yeah.” He was biting the inside of his cheek, he needed to get out of there.

After the meeting he went right to his office and looked over the full assignment. He was actually going to be taking pictures of some really cool vegetation, the timing was just terrible. He wondered if he could ask to bring you with him, but he was sure that wouldn’t go over well. He could always pay for a plane ticket for you. He was so frustrated. He put his face in his hands at he started crying. Isaac noticed what was happening and made a call.

//

“Hi Trish, what’s up?”

“There’s a man on the phone for you from Plant Geo, his name is Isaac, do you want me to transfer him?” You’re slightly confused, and a little concerned.

“Um, yeah.” You wait a moment for the transfer to go through. “Hello?”

“Hi…Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“It’s Isaac, I work reception at Plant Geo.”

“Yes, I know. Is everything okay?”

“I think Harry could use you. He just got an assignment and he’s not taking it well.”

“Oh no! What kind of assignment?”

“I think they’re making him travel somewhere. He’s, um, crying.”

“Oh god, okay…um…I’m there. Thank you. How did you find my office number?”

“He’s mentioned where you worked before, just tried my luck with Google.”

You hang up and run down to Niall’s office.

“I’m taking an early lunch, something came up.”

“Everythin’ alright?”

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll keep you updated.”

You sprint down to your car and speed over to Harry’s studio. You get there in about twenty minutes. Harry had calmed down a little, but his eyes were red and puffy as he began working. Everyone knew to leave him alone. You park and get up the elevator. You wave to Isaac as you go right for Harry’s office. You don’t knock you just go right in.

“Oi, it’s polite to knock.” He looks over at you, and his face completely changes.

“Sorry ‘bout that Mr. Styles, I won’t do it again.” You give him a small smile. “What’s wrong baby?” You sit on his desk.

“How did you? I’m so confused.”

“Isaac called me at work, he said you were upset.” Harry looks over in Isaac’s direction.

“Tattle tale.” He sighs and looks at you. “I have to go to Florida the same week we were supposed to have off together.” He starts sniffling. “And I’m upset because I can’t stand the thought of you there all by yourself when we were supposed to be unpackin’ together.” He buries his head in your stomach and you stroke his hair.

“Harry, honey, it’s okay. I understand.” You try to soothe him as best you can. “You don’t need to feel bad. Maybe I can fly down too, what part of Florida are you going to?”

“Um.” He lifts his head and looks at the papers in the folder. “Near Port St. Lucie, I’ll be near the manatee habitat.”

“Hmm, on the east coast. Well, I could fly down and spend a few days with Nannie, and then I could come meet you or you could come to us.”

“But what about us unpacking and gettin’ everything together?”

“Harry, we can still fully move in when we planned to. And I don’t mind unpacking a bit without you.”

“But…I’ll miss our first night together there.”

“I’ll leave for Florida when you do.” You shrug.

“But the last minute ticket will be really expensive.”

“I can afford it. I have the time off already anyways, and getting out of the cold sounds nice. It’s nothing to be upset over.” You run your thumbs over his cheeks to wipe his tears away.

“You don’t mind that things are gettin’ a little messed up?”

“It’s not ideal timing, but I’ll take any excuse to go visit my grandmother.”

“Where’s she again?”

“On the west coast, in North Port. Only a couple hours from where you’ll be.”

He stands up and wraps his arms around you. You hug him close to you and just stand there hugging.

“You’re amazing, thank you for being so flexible.”

“Of course.” You kiss him on the cheek. “Don’t get mad at Isaac, I’m glad he called.”

“I would’ve just come to see you in a couple hours.”

“Yeah, but you would’ve been upset for that much longer.”

Christin comes walking over to Harry’s office.

“What the hell is going on?” You whip your head around to look at the woman.

“Christin, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.”

“Didn’t realize it was social hour.” She crosses her arms.

“Sorry, it was my fault, um, I grabbed something of his by accident this morning and I needed to drop it off.” You smile at her. “I’ll see you tonight, Harry.” You give his hand a squeeze and leave his office. You nod at Isaac on your way out.

“Heard she’s been coming around here a lot.”

“Only on lunch breaks, and it’s been like two times.” He crosses his arms at well. “Did you need somethin’?”

“We need to go over Florida.”

“We?”

“Yeah, I’m going too.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m your supervisor and I’m supervising the assignment.”

“Are your kids comin’ too?”

“I’m going to have my husband take the girls to Orlando and I plan to meet them there later on.”

“How nice for you.”

“Harry, if you hate it here so much, why don’t you quit?”

“I don’t hate it here, I just hate travelin’.”

“You used to love it.”

“People change, I don’t like it anymore.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing specific.” He shrugs. “It’s fine, it’ll be fine, this is just a sort of stressful time. You could act a little more sympathetic ya know. There is such a thing as work-life balance.”

“You’re right, I didn’t mean to be insensitive. As long as I’ve known you, you never really had someone in your life you seemed to care about so much…I didn’t realize how serious this was.”

“I don’t exactly go around spilling my nonsense around. Her grandmother lives in Florida, she’s going to try to find a flight to go down there too and then we’re going to meet up.”

“That’ll be nice.”

//

“Well at least they’re not makin’ him go this weekend.” Niall says, diving into his lunch.

“I know…he was acting like it was the end of world. It’s really not a big deal.”

“He probably just felt like he was lettin’ ya down. It’s good you were able to get over there,”

“His supervisor wasn’t thrilled to see me.”

“Christin can be kind of shrill…I think she forgets what it’s like to be young sometimes.”

“She didn’t seem that much older.”

“She’s like thirty-five.”

“Ah.”

“Do you think you’ll need some extra vacation time?”

“Depends on the flights I’m able to book. I’m secretly kind of happy, I can’t wait to call Nannie to tell her.”

“She’s gonna be so happy to see you. So when will you guys actually move?”

“The plan was to be fully out of my place by next weekend, and then spend the week unpacking. He was really torn up about me sleeping there alone.” Niall’s face falls.

“That wouldn’t upset you?”

“Well, it’s not ideal, but it is what it is. He and I will be able to unpack and set up pretty easily since all of the boxes are clearly labeled.”

“Was your family plannin’ to help too?”

“My brother is coming with his truck, and my mom said she could help unpack the kitchen, so I’m really not worried about it. Just need to book flights now. Hopefully it won’t be too expensive with it being sort of last minute.”

“I have plenty of miles built up if-“

“Save them, please. Very kind of you though.” You smile at him. You sigh. “Do you think Harry will ever just freelance full time like Louis does?”

“No idea. I know he wants to do it eventually, but there’s so much uncertainty. His busy seasons are great, but when it’s slow, it’s slow. He’d have to do a lot to really keep the business goin’, he’d have to lease a studio space.”

“Our loft could easily be set up as a home studio.”

“Yeah, maybe for small projects, but do you really want a ton of strangers comin’ in and out?”

“Good point.”

“Real-estate isn’t cheap in this area. He’d need to put together a whole business plan, not that he doesn’t know how to do that.”

“He just seems to no enjoy his work.”

“He enjoys the work, just not the people.”

“It sucks how the people you work with can make you hate what you’re passionate about. It shouldn’t be that way. You and I are so lucky we have each other.”

“Grateful for it every day.”

//

You can’t wait to get home to Harry after your appointment with Dr. Mara. It was a great session. When you walk in, Harry was packing boxes according to your very specific list.

“Hi baby.” He turns around to look at you.

“Hey.” He comes over and wraps his arms around you.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” He kisses your cheek. “He was Dr. Mara?”

“Good! She says hi.” You giggle and let go of him. “What do you feel like eating tonight?” You ask, walking into the kitchen. He follows you and sits at the island. “Well? I’ll make whatever you want.”

“Really only one thing I’d like to eat right now.” He rests his chin on his palm.

“Okay, well if it’s takeout that’s fine. I can pick up whatever.” You weren’t picking up on what he was putting down. He sighs. “What?”

“Babe.” He gives you his bedroom eyes and your face flushes immediately.

“Oh!” You look at him and then the fridge. “Okay, but I’m legitimately hungry…”

“We can have food after.”

“Okay.” He perks up. “Where do you want me?”

“Take your pants off and go lay on the sofa.”

You do as he says. He comes over to you, and just admire your body. His thumbs spread you apart, and your hips buck up when you first feel his tongue on you. You felt bad, you should be the one tasting him, but he wanted to forget about everything and get lost in you. You feel yourself get even more turned on when you hear him groan against you. His tongue licks a flat stipe up your center, and then he lick up into you. Your hands grasp at his hair.

“Fuck.” You gasp as he swirls his tongue around inside you.

His thumb moves up to your clit and rubs slow circles on it. He was taking his time with you. That was the thing about Harry, he knew how to get you off quick, and he knew how to move at an agonizingly slow pace to get you there just the same. This was one of those time where he just wanted to savor every last bit of you. You looked down to see him nose deep, and totally in another state of mind. He pressed harder on your clit as he rubbed on it and you started to grind against his tongue.

“Feels so good babe.” You moan, throwing your head back. His free hand presses down on your stomach adding to the pressure of it all. “Harry.” You start panting his name. “Harry.” It’s music to his ears. If he could hear one sound for the rest of his life, it would be this. “Harry!”

Everything goes white for a moment, and stars come into your vision. He doesn’t let up though, he continues to suck on you. He gulped up every last bit of your release, and was hoping to give you another one until your phone rang. You saw it was your Nannie.

“Harry, fuck, I need to answer that.” He slowly lifts from between your legs and sighs. You clear your throat before answering. “Hi Nannie!”

“Hi precious girl, I got your message.”

“Will that week work for you? I know it’s short notice.”

“Nannie’s actually going to have company for a few days that week, so I don’t think it’ll work. But, if you wanna come the week after?” Your face falls.

“That won’t work, I only have this particular week off…”

“I’m sorry baby, your cousin and his kids are coming to visit, it’s their school vacation.”

“That’s alright, I’m glad they’ll get to see you.”

“Maybe you could come to Aruba again this year.”

“I didn’t think you had fully committed to going.” You perk up.

“I decided a little while ago. You should come if you can, I think your mom is planning on it too.”

“It’ll be just like last year! Okay, I’ll talk to mom. I’d need to book that like now.”

“Yeah, the airfares are decent now, I can text you the dates.”

“Okay! This’ll be so much fun, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Sorry we won’t see each other this month.”

“It’s okay, really. Aruba sounds amazing right now anyways.”

“Okay sweetie, well I need to go, but I love you.”

“Love you too!” You sigh and look at Harry. “So…I’m not going to Florida, I’m sorry. My cousins are visiting with her that week.”

“You could come with me, and stay at my hotel.” You put your hand on his shoulder.

“Harry, I would be bored out of my mind while you worked all day. It’s really short notice, I’ll just stay here.”

“What was that about Aruba?”

“She’s going again this April, and she wants me to come, so I think I will. It’s so much fun.” You stand up and pull your underwear and pants back on. “It’s not the end of the world. I won’t unpack anything you don’t want me to.”

“That’s not the point.” He sighs.

“I know. Sometimes we can’t always get what we want though, babe. Besides, it’ll be nice for us to miss each other a little, don’t you think.” You go over to the fridge and take out some carrot sticks to munch on.

“I miss you enough during the day as it is.” He pouts.

“Harry…”

“I know, I’m actin’ like a baby.”

“It’s only a week. We can FaceTime every night if you want. I can walk you through the apartment, and we can leave our phones on until we fall asleep. You can even still read to me if you want.”

“Do you have enough vacation time to go away in April?”

“Yeah, I have plenty.”

“My family is probably comin’ in April for Easter.”

“That’s usually when we’re in Aruba.”

“Will you have enough vacation time for the summer? I want you to come back to England with me for a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah I should have enough. Besides, they’d probably let me flex time if I didn’t have enough. I could just work remotely over there.”

“How do you stay so calm about all this?”

“In the grand scheme it’s not a big deal.” You shrug, chomping on another carrot. “I’ll miss seeing your mom and Gemma when they come. But at least we’ll have a nice guest space for them!” You say cheerily.

“Suppose you’re right. C’mon, can’t have eatin’ carrots for dinner. How bout I make us some soup?”

“You’ve had a long day. Why don’t I make dinner, and you go play a video game or something?”

“That’d be great, some of my friends might be online.” You give him a quick kiss and get to work.

You had heard someone jokingly say once that your boyfriend or husband was essentially your first baby. You always that that was a weird thing to say because a man should be able to take care of himself. But today Harry literally felt like your baby. You felt this overwhelming need to protect him at all costs, and you knew you’d pounce on anyone what tried to hurt him.

“Oh Harry!”

“Yeah babe?” He says from the couch.

“After dinner, I’d like to return the favor.” You wink at him.

“Best kind of dessert there is, isn’t it?”

[middleinthenight21]

Ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? Part 3

This is sad for me, It's the end

Thanks to @ravenfan1242 Without your help I could not have done this. Thank you!

If you read stay safe

"Damian Wayne has a girlfriend and she's beautiful."

"It is a pity that Bruce Wayne's son already has a partner."

’’ I ship them so much.’’

’’ Tessa Collingwood and Damian Wayne are so beautiful. God, they look so in love’’

’’ I need someone to look at me like Tessa at Damian’’

Tessa Collingwood was a British actress, mostly known for starring in teen series. Her fame exploded when she participated in a Netflix series about the rampant life of wealthy teens, the series was questionable in many ways, but it powered the careers of its stars; Tessa Collingwood accumulated more than three million followers on her accounts, being a celebrity on Instagram looking beautiful in all her photos. The actress was gorgeous with long fire-red hair, a freckled face and big blue eyes, plus an innocent smile.

The photographs circulating on the internet were taken at an auction, the youngest of the Wayne family holding a glass of champagne out to the crowd, right next to an ice sculpture in the shape of an angel with flapping wings and Tessa Collingwood looked impressive In a red dress that highlighted her hair, she was hiding a smile behind her glass. The following showed a conversation with Dick and the one who was supposed to be the manager of the actress, but the young woman was inclined as if paying attention to something Damian said and smiled.

Conner was jealous and Jaime muttered something in Spanish about the fate of some.

He rolled his eyes.

"What is she like, man?"

He frowned, he was not willing to talk about anything related to the actress, since it could be misinterpreted, especially by his colleagues, who tended to exaggerate everything and if a few simple photos could ignite all that paranoia a few words would probably make them explode. He threw his bag on the living room sofa and ignored the questions choosing to sit down.

Jaime snorted "Give us something. You are being linked to an actress and model, and you are so indifferent" He showed the actress' social networks on his cell phone, as if that cleared his mind. "It's Tessa Collingwood! She won an award for best actress in a drama series. "

He said nothing.

Donna grimaced at the ceiling, she didn’t even know who they were referring to and was thankful that there was at least one reasonable person in the room.

Superboy didn’t stop talking to Garfield about the actress and her presence at the auction, as well as reading comments together and laughing out loud when they called Damian a gentleman, but he refused to continue this conversation.

His older brother sat next to him, crossing his legs with a smirk. He nudged him "Tell them. She kept smiling at you. "

"You too? I let them take a photograph for a single event and they already mad up a silly love story", he growled. His words were tinged with rejection at the idea of all those people getting into his life. Over time, he accepted that some types of relationships are necessary, but if he considered it, it would not be in the public eye. The point was "He had to wear the scarf. "

"And Bruce would have loved it."

Damian said nothing, just grimaced and looked away. The journey from Gotham to Jump City was more tiring than he’d like to admit, plus the auction for the sculpture by Allard, an artist known for his dark style, became famous for his sculptures of smiling demons, tormented angels, and trees with sloping logs; He had been fascinated by the man's work and the details, even though people murmured how horrifying it was.

The event was slow and boring, he knew it would be, but there were responsibilities that came with being a Wayne. Commitments.

"Dick, you have to tell us," Conner insisted. "Is it true that she offered him her phone number as anonymous sources say? "

The man laughed at just imagining it and Damian crossed his arms.

Jaime looked at him as if he had done something wrong.

Garfield kept reading comments aloud and zooming in on the photos.

Troy cocked her head, processing who the actress was and why they cared so much.

Conner bombarded Dick with questions, trying to get as much information out of him as possible. He couldn't believe he considered him a friend, he's an idiot.

"I prefer cancellation."

Each one looked at him. He ignored them by focusing on removing from the packaging of the small statues he bought at the auction, as well as a handwritten book by an anonymous ancient Arab poet., The piece was valued at less than a million dollars and how millionaires are of unknown origin. They had nothing to brag about, but Damian found a value for it, perhaps because he is also an Arab, perhaps because people are stupid, especially those with more superficial money.

His older brother gave him a sideways glance.

"What? " He asked defensively. He put everything heshe bought in his bag, taking care that it was kept in perfect order.

"You've been reading a lot lately."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

He raised his hands, as if stopping an invisible attack.

"No, I didn't mean that, Damian." He shook his head. He put a finger on his chin thoughtfully. "It is just that I have seen you with at least two books in the week. Three days ago, I saw you reading Lovecraft, then Whose Body? or whatever ... "

Garfield looked up from his phone and watched him.

"Who, darling?"

Kory stroked Dick's chest from behind, pressing her chin against the hero's shoulder. Damian pulled away, despising the show of affection from the apparent team leaders, and the entire team made excuses to go elsewhere.

"I have to go bathe with my tongue." Garfield disappeared down the hallways.

The couple laughed. It seemed that they lived in a sugary bubble when they are together, all the time they touch each other and smile every time their eyes connect, once the caresses begin, they do not stop and they are not shy at all ... Damian has bad memories of this.

He left.

He just wanted his bed. After finding his face on the internet and what's on the fingers of so many people who just want to get involved in the gossip of the moment, he wanted to train, use his time productively.

Preparation is a prerequisite for victory.

And he's always ready, but he just wants to sleep.

For some reason, he can't help but start reading this book. That baffles him.

When passing through the kitchen a person is sitting eating a cereal bar and holding a coffee with a pungent chocolate aroma. She keeps a book over her face, covers her expressions and is dressed completely in dark tones., She had on a sweatshirt that is triple her size and one shoulder is exposed, he could only see a vestige of some shorts , since they disappeared in the long sweatshirt and thick stockings.

Her foot moved to the rhythm of an imperceptible melody and her hair was tied back in a high ponytail, leaving strands at the nape of her neck.

She turned the page "If you stay longer there, I will consider you as a stalker, what do you want?"

"And they say I'm rude."

Raven looked up. Her eyes narrowed when she saw him standing at the door, he was not surprised that she did not look excited, since the girl rarely showed her emotions and he was grateful for that. After coming from an event surrounded by teenagers who sighed ion his face, daughters of mayors, granddaughters of businessmen, actresses, models and influencers who took pictures of him on his social networks without asking for his permission.

He had considered suing, but Dick found it unnecessary and his father kept speculating with Selina about the possibility that a black-market gang would steal the pieces. Bruce thinks they collaborate with the Penguin, but he doesn't count them until they arrive.

The best detective in the world.

She puts the book down, but reluctantly does it "Sorry. I thought it was Garfield or Conner. " He bit down on the cereal bar, keeping an eye on Damian. "So, what happened? "

He frowned.

Raven watched him.

She is empathetic, he reminded himself. Sometimes he overlooked that detail, this was one of her powers, that does not make it more tolerable, he did not like that people would look below his appearance; It felt like an invasion of his privacy, it doesn't feel right, but he can't get mad at Raven for knowing too much.

Supreme warriors like us never give the enemy a chance to defeat us, not when it comes to emotions or appealing to feelings. We must get rid of them to rule the world, Ra's Al Ghul was clear. You cannot guide them to a better world, being equal to them.

You will not be useful to me, just as you are.

He pushed Talia and Ra's voice away, as if shaking the dust off.

He sat across from Raven. He watched her silently taking small sips of her coffee, when he met her he believed that she was a person drinking bitter espresso, but she has an insane inclination towards sweets of all kinds; she went to that little sweet shop on Riva Street where they prepare artisan cotton candy and bought those colored candies that she keeps in her pockets, like an amulet.

Damian grimaced when she added a spoon of cream to her coffee and licked what remained on the kitchen utensil. Pennyworth would disapprove of her behavior; he can almost hear the scolding in his head.

"Nothing. "

For a few seconds he struggles to remember her question. If this happened to him in the mansion, his older brothers would mock his face, and he grimaced.

After a weekend at Wayne Mansion living with his brothers and Helena, he was fortunate to be back with the Titans - his thirteen-year-old version would hit him in the face - but his little sister is loud, shaking her fists in the air and she opens her mouth as much as she can, claiming attention only for her, the noise of his brothers adds to it, that combination almost drover him crazy.

He doesn't want to talk about the auction.

"Look." She pulled a package out of her pockets. He raises an eyebrow, because he doesn't think it's anything special. "Son ghraybeh" she tried to pronounce. Raven lowers her voice, like she does when she's admitting something, she doesn't want anyone to hear. "I bought them in an Arab store. "

Damian analyzes one of the cookies. In his childhood in Tibet he had seen these biscuits in the markets of the nearby towns, the masses had almonds, pistachios and all kinds of nuts, but he had never tried them.

He bit into it. The sweet has a bitter flavor charged by spices, it’s an explosion in his mouth and he’s almost transported to those stores, to women covered by hijabs and  it reminds him of the music his grandfather listened to during dinners, Of burnt incense, the blue hyacinth that grows as a weed and the Dragon Blood tree that rested in the garden that was extremely cared for, his grandfather had said that it is as old as he is and it’s sap is the color of blood.

Raven smiled, she bit into one of the cookies herself while drinking coffee.

He is not surprised that she had visited Arab stores, since in her spare time she visited bakeries, and that bookstore where the owner recommended novels and would have a reserved seat in the Costa restaurant while reading a book, as well as the ice cream parlor hidden among the luxury stores .

She tried foreign dishes, does not despise any genre of novels and is shocked by the arts. He supposed it was due to her time in hell, but deep down it's more than that; Raven is someone who leaves memories between those streets, measures people's energy and how they impact places. At first, he thought that her powers focused more on magic, such as enchantments, potions and spells, but she is more focused on emotions and feelings, she is different from Zatanna or Constantine.

"Is it true that the Belmont Allard sculptures were being auctioned?"

He set the cookie aside by making a mental note to finish it longer.

"I should have known that you were interested in his works."

Raven rolled her eyes, glancing at her book, her eyes scanning the page, and was drawn to whatever she now has on her reading list. She was quiet, reserved, and would rather sit in the back than walk in the front, but she should not be underestimated, and Damian had seen her vanquishing godlike humans and demons, yet she has a gentle aura. It is difficult to explain.

"Allard is famous. It has a history related to Satan, it is full of treasons, witches and enrichment overnight. "

She Mocked "Typical of pacts with the devil. "

Despite her mocking tone the truth slips.

Damian pulls out the book he bought, it's not flashy, it's dirty and worn. It smells of dust and dry ink, lined by a thick cloth of a dull red hue, it has damp spots and folded corners.

She says nothing but he sees the interest in her eyes.

"It is from an anonymous poet. It is of Arab origin; historians say that the book dates from 750. approximately, which corresponds to the times of an Iranian revolution" explained. "They assume that the author is a wealthy man because of the references to luxury and the elaboration of the work, but they are not sure. "

She stared at the book. He let her analyze it, but she frowned as she turned the pages and her mouth twisted into a grimace, like she was annoyed.

"What's wrong? "

"The book transmits strong feelings" her eyes shine, and she continues turning the pages. Damian raises an eyebrow, waiting for a clearer answer. "It brings me a feeling of longing; it is as if the author had misplaced something or someone" she closed the book. "It's amazing, I never felt this coming from an object" she leaves it.

He frowned.

It doesn't seem like a danger to him.

"Also, I can't read it."

He rolled his eyes.

Almost on impulse he opened any page of the book. The leaves are of a yellowish tone, with the corners eaten by humidity and the poet's pen is small and light, a scribble made of ink that in some places is smeared and he is surprised by the content of the letters.

"What does it say? "

He read in a loud voice. His voice was released, his mother tongue slides through his tongue and it is simple, after speaking English for so long it is even relaxing to speak Arabic, but she was puzzled and confused by his words, she was even happy that she does not understand what he is saying. Despite knowing the language, the words feel foreign.

                                                                                            عظامي المحطمه تتصلح

                                                                                      مع كل تلك الليالي التي قضاينها

                                                                                حبك سر آمل احلم اموت لحفاظ عليه

                                                                                                    التغير من اولوياتي

Despite everything, he prefers that she be the one who listened to him. Damian realizes she is comfortable; he feels domestic and that makes him reconsider what he just did.

The girl bows her head and frowns, she didn’t understand what he just said and struggles to try to associate the words, but the English and Arabic languages ​​are opposite. Raven rests her head on her hand.

"What does it mean? "

Damian Wayne does not make these kinds of mistakes, his grandfather would subject him to abysmal punishment and his mother would slap him in the face, even his father would growl, but the answer is said before he can avoid it.

The translation is simple for him, a custom that he acquired over the years.

"My broken bones are healing with all these nights we spend. Your love is a secret that I am waiting, dreaming, dying to keep" responds. "You change my priorities. "

He looks her in the eye. Her eyes are like the purple tanzanite, a precious stone that Ra´s Al Ghul kept around his finger in a ring, a symbol of his status and power against his enemies; in the end it did no good, even the most powerful person in the world and his kingdom had fallen. Ra´s Al Ghul was no different than Julius Caesar, Tarquin, Darius I, Napoleon or Hitler and what they built.

Now he understood that the stone on his grandfather was a sample, a shell to inspire fear; Tanzania is extremely rare and expensive, its color was a boost to make it so coveted, and it seems imprinted in Raven's eyes.

He is aware of the level of communication they have; words are not necessary. Damian would have turned away, walked away and ignored her presence, he did not like that anyone felt familiar with him., He is a warrior not a sentimental teenager, but after the last few months he had been alone, nobody talked to him apart from matters involving the missions, he couldn't help but measure his actions and keep an eye on anyone who was around, it could be a stalker, maybe a person who hates him, or someone interested in selling a photograph to a magazine.

Damian preferred solitude, he exiled himself while the media storm passed over his head. Long ago he would not have cared, the Titans many times represented being a nuisance, they were open to anyone who told a sad story without caring about their past, but the weight of the distance began to haunt him.

He understood the nature of his character, how difficult it is to establish relationships, and the approach is difficult to deal with. Damian was extremely professional at best, concerned with realistic aspects and devised plans based on data, measured his peers and analyzed each and every action, judged and issued verdicts, disliked being touched by anyone and growled with his words to anyone who treated him like a child to be protected.

What before seemed to him aspects that should be highlighted now are the reasons why he is so hated.

He realized that his skills are a mattress; He was not welcome in many places, many heroes had complained about him and insulted him to his face, but they recognized how good a fighter and excellent strategist he is, not for nothing he is the son of Batman and the heir to the League of Shadows, and that does not mean anything. People on the internet didn't care who he was, what he accomplished, or what his story was. They hate him for the pictures, videos, and comments, and he couldn't do anything. It's tiring sometimes, when people decide to subject you to rejection and there is nothing to do to correct that.

They besieged his castle, forced him to close the gates of the kingdom.

He may not need third-party approval when criminals were loose on the streets, but it doesn't make it more tolerable.

His father told him of the harassment he would receive when he was recognized as the son of Bruce Wayne, but his home was snatched away, burned from head to foot and he had to create a new belief system out of thin air, he wanted to feel like he belonged somewhere. Bruce was right.

His privacy was stolen, he found his face on the covers of youth magazines and invented relationships with strangers based on nothing, he committed innocent people to address him and he does not want to live like this. He hates other people getting into his life, he doesn't have to explain to anyone, or hide, but Damian does.

I despised help, as well as apologies and looks of pity from others.

Raven was silent, and did not push him away when it appeared, she doesn't not care about the cancellation or how the Internet saw the next heir to the Wayne fortune. It was silent, private and intimate.

It is not dependency, it is not attachment based on loneliness or trauma, he doesn't even know where to catalog it. Raven had a breakup recently, although he knew that she is now friendly, that had affected her and he was canceled, tried and sentenced to global rejection, while his civilian identity was compromised, it is not a good combination.

She gulps and looks away. His hands tremble around his book and he almost see her shudder.

Damian stirs uncomfortably and insecure, he wants ...

"Tessa Collingwood talked about you!"

The entire group entered. Kory had ordered food from a local restaurant, and the rest just argued around the news on Garfield's phone, as if this was a gathering of old ladies arguing about the life of a misbehaving neighbor.

Raven raises an eyebrow "The actress? "

Jaime nods.

"She mentioned Damian in one of her stories," Garfield replied. Donna laughed at something, and Conner grimaced rereading the screen. "She said:’’ Me and Damian are just friends.’’

Kory smiled.

"I doubt I was friends with someone I saw only once." He crosses his arms. Looked at the Titans. "In fact, I have known certain people for years and doubt that I would include them on my list. "

Jaime rolled his eyes.

 "Do you have a friendship list? Dude, that's absurd."

Conner nods looking at the green teenager, while Donna decided that the adult conversation is more interesting.

"Anyway, this beautiful actress mentioned you."

He hit the table with his book, attracting everyone's attention. "I don't care what it has to do with her." He turned around. "I will be in my room."

Someone called him, it was Raven ...

He stopped, standing at the door with his fists clenched.

He looked at her, while she held the book in her hands and smiled, just a little, as if she had heard an internal joke that only she knew. He had left the book.

So, everything was very clear and he's an idiot because he hadn’t seen it before.

*** 

Raven was lost.

Completely lost.

Alone and confused in her room, wandering from place to place like a caged lion. She wanted to demand answers, she felt like she was about to go crazy, and it is as if it is slowly killing her, she tries to fight, but she loses the fight as soon as it begins.

She compared this sensation with the previous ones; Raven had experienced love, the one that hurts your heart, the one you justify when you are hurt and you throw yourself into the void, with your blindfold you stumble over stones and ignore the blows, but this is different; born of intimacy, like a secret that grows until it is difficult to maintain.

She had to know.

Oh, Azarath.

She never learns from her mistakes.

Now she talks to everyone except him.

When surrounded by her peers it's easy to keep up, she just focuses on the cakes Kory brought, Donna's fighting techniques she hones in the training room, she even prefers her father's voice in her head to pay attention to her.

If she bleeds, if she hurts not to have it, she would never tell him.

Your love is a secret that I am waiting, dreaming, dying to keep.

Damn the poems of unknown Arab authors.

Raven wants to bury her feelings; burn his perfect face and the dimple rarely shows to others. Maybe he's aware of his own charm and she did something that bothered him, and he's only taking revenge on Raven in the worst way, Damian was vindictive and…

This is ridiculous.

I'm going to kill that boy, witch. You are a whore girl.

She makes a gesture to turn away her father's voice, but he doesn't shut up and she doesn't care.

She is so disoriented, she lives anchored to him like a bird in her blue sky and she has no way to kick him out of her life, she just doesn't want to. She is not selfish, she would never put her desires or her integrity over that of others, but she hates it because she could not have him in her life without compromising their friendship, the level of confidence they have and that feeling of home when they are going through difficult times.

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

Now it had taken on a new meaning. There are people who went through her life, were transitory, arrived at a specific moment and continued on, like nomads who left a lost object, and those who stay and fight by her side, accept her without expecting anything in return, they are important, they are family. However, there are others that transcend to the next level, they are like home, places shout their names and even everyday aspects seem valuable.

Raven does not want to despise this, but she is not going to ruin it by confessing her feelings, she felt like a schoolgirl who jumped when she saw the boy and hid in the corners.

Someone knocks on the door and opens it, she discovers Damian's serious face, frowning and holding two coffees. The first rays of the sun illuminate his face, as if blessing his soul and highlighting his tanned skin, and for a few seconds it seems that he knows.

"Good Morning. "

She steps aside, letting him pass. Her voice is monotonous, tired and she considers for a few seconds not to let him in, but it is too late.

Everything seems to be pulling towards him, as if he possessed a magnetic field and was a magnet. This morning he was not wearing his uniform, but a simple plain t-shirt in pastel blue and dark jeans and Nike sneakers, he squares his eyes like when preparing for battle or listening to something or someone who he does not like.

From here she perceives that he is having an internal struggle.

He leaves the coffee glasses on a small piece of furniture and stands in front of the window with his arms crossed behind his back.

"Is Something wrong? "

Hearing a bark and opening the door, Titus enters the room going upstairs to his house licking the pillows and spinning on the mattress. With Damian he was disciplined, obedient, surprisingly submissive, but when Raven is around, she allows him to be playful and mischievous, as if he had never become an adult animal.

Damian had scolded her for being permissive, but in her mind, he was never going to stop being that puppy she gave away inside that box. The animal had been scared, lost and away from his brothers, he trembled when a person approached, and she seemed to see her friend in the animal in a strange way.

Titus was shy and fearful when he arrived. Little by little he emerged from his cocoon to become a loyal and courageous Great Dane.

He didn't challenge him for messing up the bed like he normally would, so she started to worry. She didn't feel anything and that was frustrating, it was easy for Raven to understand people through her magic, although she didn't like what was underneath, but he only let her see what he allowed.

"What wrong? " She asked again.

"People have spoken again. "

Raven grimaced "Is it because of the actress? "

He turned his back on her and the young woman sat on the ground, partly so as not to disturb Titus, to have a better view, partly because she felt closer.

He was still flat, like a soft wave on a lake, and that is not all; it's just the outside.

"A little." He paused. "People hate Robin, people love what Damian Wayne stands for" His face is reflected in the window glass, he is impartial, and he keeps that scowl that characterizes him. "I do not care. My father says that the press is like vultures, but sometimes they are noisy. "

She cannot relate to that.

Raven enjoyed anonymity, she may be a consecrated heroine, and has a couple of victories on her record; people do not stop to talk about her private life, but are interested in the source of her power, her dark and quiet nature, they build and destroy theories, but nothing else.

She was a favorite on YouTube and blog channels focused on mysteries, conspiracy theories, and the paranormal.

She can't imagine what media persecution is, online harassment and what it means to have so many people eager to know about your life, that drove celebrities crazy all the time, some fell into addictions to flee their problems, those who survived cruelly understood the boundary between professional and personal, marked the line and took refuge in their homes, as if they lived in a fortress. Robin was a global trend in social networks, it required many people to achieve this.

Damian had stayed away, holding on to his training and lifting his chin as high as possible, but she knew him; with him not everything is said, it is not what is shown.

"Damian" she calls him because she knows his thoughts are strong right now. She reached for the coffee. She appreciated the warmth of the drink in her hands, it feels real. "It´s okay" she smiled.

He looks at her.

She had never seen that shade of green before. He may not realize his own charm; his face reflected the golden rays, and his dark hair shone in a lighter shade.

Titus now sleeps in bed and his snoring is deep.

He sits next to her in the lotus position and they watch the sunrise together. They do not say anything, they do not speak much, both are people who were touched by tragedy, who face battles while forging their way to adulthood and are not used to expressing their feelings, interpreting silences and supporting each other from a distance with small gestures.

She wants to have better words, be more forthcoming, and offer advice, so they could talk more about his breakdowns. Raven would cleanse his heart if that helps his heartbeat, a word and it would be his.

Damian takes her hand.

His fingers are barely touching, his skin is hard, and that scar that ran like a thick rope over his knuckles is soft to the touch; his fingers are long and shiver, as if cold, but he remains in place; she compares it to a burn and is surprised.

Raven wants to hold onto him, because he doesn't deserve all the hatred, they chase him with torches and spears. She wants to tell him that she regrets him for his past, for all the manipulation, because there was no one to show him love and treat him like a child, who sees him as a person during his childhood and she wants to smooth his wrinkles that were beyond the ones visible. She wants to show the affection that was denied him all his life and tell him that she does not care what they call him on the internet- Either as Robin or Damian Wayne- Deep down, he is only a kind and generous soul, and she is fortunate to see it, even if he is insufferable.

She squeezed his hand. Words are not necessary.

He keeps his gaze on the dawn. His eyebrows tremble and he showed his emotions for the first time, it is like the caress of the wind of a summer night.

Silence.

They are like little children who take too much importance on their clasped hands. There is no lust, nor the typical approach to achieve something, they are two people who are used to being alone, pushing everyone away, seeing the worst in people and being disappointed, betrayed and disheartened, clinging to the other; it is so simple and complex.

He leans his head against hers and leaves it.

At first, she is surprised, but she thinks he is like a scared animal that would walk away in the face of any foreign sound or reaction. It is beautiful, vulnerable and serene, like a new dawn.

Aware of his exhaustion and frustration, this simple action reflects the fatigue of all these months of witch hunting, keeping quiet and holding on his own, she can feel him letting go of his burdens and that mask of indifference is shattered.

Her hair is soft, and his shoulder bumps into hers; He is taller, and his muscles are worked by constant exercise and his breath tastes like coffee.

The scent of shaving lotion reaches her nose, she was aware of that smell and it was masculine, it had a woody touch and she was relaxing.

Can they stay like this forever? In the silence and secrecy of her room with their hands clasped and leaning on the other drinking coffee from plastic cups ...

... And suddenly, this is enough.

*** 

Raven bought a dress.

That night is hot, and they visit an open bar on the seashore. The music is relaxed, the musicians play bass drums and ukuleles, giving the place a tropical atmosphere; decorated by lights and all the tables and chairs are made of wood, with small floral decorations as centers.

The sound of ocean waves and salty-smelling air was sleepy, almost as if slowly inducing her to sleep.

Kory forced them into a night of mandatory fun, booked a table in a corner under a palm tree, would give them a little privacy, and they wouldn't get as much attention. She sensed that in the place photographs were not allowed was a factor for her to choose it.

The tradition of compulsory fun was installed with the arrival of Damian, she was left justifying small getaways or celebrations of birthdays, anniversaries, certain days of the year.

Raven thanked the team leader- who she considers to be an older sister- since the bar is not very crowded nor does it allow crowds with all those people sweating under the influence of alcohol, but the place is familiar, spacious and quiet. Her powers would not overwhelm her.

"Honey, will you bring us our drinks?"

Dick nods walking towards the bar. The man was wearing a simple T-shirt and shorts, on the other hand, his fiancée looked glamorous in the purple dress with large openings revealing her shapely legs and a plunging neckline.

Garfield, Conner, and Jaime share a conversation with Donna about the dance, but the young woman only frowns when she looks at the musicians.

"It's Latin music. "

Jaime snorts "Don't look at me, dude. Just because I'm Latino does not mean I know how to dance. "

"I'm not the best dancer anymore." Garfield looks with a grudge at Damian, who grimaces looking away.

"I just beat you."

"You break codes and all that, surely you did it with the dance machine. "

Raven snorts, but she's amused.

"That was a long time ago." He looked at everyone. "Can we get over it? "

When Dick arrived he announced that he asked for drinks for each one, but they had a limit of two, because some recently stopped being minors, also in the tower they had rules and arriving drunk is on the prohibited list; for those who are minors there are unlimited juices.

The night is progressing normally, although she sees certain people who are surprised by her colorful group, nobody really cares. They are just a group of friends enjoying an evening by the ocean.

Damian rolls his eyes when Dick starts Kory dancing with a slow song.

"They've been dating for years."

Raven raises her eyebrows, not at all surprised. She already knew.

"I mean long before they became teammates." He gives his whisky a small sip. "When he was a boy, he kept having suggestive calls with her." He shrugs.

"No way! " Conner leans in and opens his mouth.

Jaime contains a laugh.

"Are you seriously surprised?" She didn’t need to be empathetic to know that.

They look at her, but it's Garfield who speaks first.

"Did you know?! " He shakes his head. "Of course, you knew, why didn't you tell me?! "

"I did not mean that. "

"Traci arrived!" Jaime gets up from the table and disappears.

After two years together he is still excited to see her enter the room, Raven got along with the girl, she is pleasant and has a pink aura, used to loving and showing it, she also has Jaime around her fingers.

Raven drinks her gin and tonic, the drink is incredibly sweet and fruity. Her friends raised an eyebrow at seeing her bite into the lemon wedge that decorates the drink, but it's not that she cares, it's probably because she's going for her second fruit drink and sweet alcoholic drinks are misleading.

A boy appears pushed by his group of friends, who laugh giving him sidelong glances and extends one of his hands to dance, he is tall, and his face is youthful, perhaps just after finishing high school. His emotions are strong too, but the one that predominates is lust, she has a moment when images of herself come of kissing him in the dark.

He has too much imagination.

"Would you like to dance? "

She shakes his head, absorbing the lemon juice to the last drop. The scene almost seems funny to her, this boy asking her to dance in front of her friends, among them her ex-partner is present, along with the young man who answered the name of her best friend, who also has feelings. It is funny.

A smile glides across her lips.

The boy stirs uncomfortably without knowing how to interpret her smile, but she continues to shake her head, so he leaves.

"You have low tolerance, Roth."

Raven grimaces "It will pass soon. Alcohol will be in my system for exactly forty minutes and then I'll be like new. "

She calls a waiter asking for a Cuban mojito with that sugar-covered rim she likes so much.

When the drink is put in front of her, it is just as promised and she almost sighs when she sees it. Damian drops his drink, gives her a disapproving look with those green eyes, and she could cry right now because she thinks it's cruel and insane to be around him.

Conner invites his friends to dance wanting to flee from the discomfort. The others continue to join the small group that formed in the middle of the dance floor, Kory and Dick get all eyes, they move well.

Raven sips the drink through the straw. The little umbrella is a hindrance, so she pushes it aside noticing how her fingers tremble, the sugar and the drink mix is ​​not a good match.

Damian approaches, but she moves away.

She should think twice before entering his space.

Raven looks him in the eye. Noting that his expression reflects concern, just as he was ready to scold her, she knows that scowl and he has that plain short-sleeved shirt with the designer's name she can't pronounce and some worn jeans; For someone with so much money, he have not invested too much in his clothing.

His eyes are green as a drink, and he raises an eyebrow. His features are a mix between the Middle East and the West, his Arabic accent is light, as if he had always spoken English and he moves his fingers on the wooden table; remember that morning when their hands touched.

She wants to cry.

"It's not fair."

It's not fair that he so perfect, while she was melting away for keeping her secret just to keep him within her life. It's not fair!

She doesn't want him as her best friend.

He is a magnetic force in the form of a man.

She is attracted to him. It is not a fairy tale, it is not idolatry, just esteem it, the past seems to have been erased by a rubber when they were together, and she is dying to have him.

Random, she's so angry.

Damian grimaces "are you okay? "

"I'm fine. "

That’s a lie.

 "Let's go," he says, taking her by the forearm before she finished her drink and takes her to the parking lot without asking. He opens the door of his car, sitting her in the back seat. "Try to get comfortable" He sits down on the pilot's seat and starts the car.

She really wanted to stay.

She rests her head against the headboard and looks out. The highway is fast and distinguishes trees and pieces of the ocean illuminated by a moon.

The lights are off, and there is no music.

She lies down in the back seat.

It smells of leather and that forest fragrance, just like his lotion.

Suddenly the tears slide down her eyes, they are thin. She is angry with herself for being weak, with him and for the life that kept hitting her, a few weeks ago she had been convinced that she is much better alone, lives well and recovers from a breakup, she is not missing anything, then he entered little by little to her life and she wants to push him away, now she just wants him to stay a little longer. A little bit closer.

Raven wants to see what's underneath that bad boy attitude.

He sees her in the rearview mirror "what's wrong with you? "

"Nothing," she says in a broken voice.

Damian raises an eyebrow. Maybe he doesn't care, maybe he's worried she will throw up in his expensive car or she pretends that she cares just so he doesn't make her feel bad.

What doesn't kill her makes her want him more.

He tilts his head she and sees that sharp scar in the corner of his chin catch the silver glow of the moon. This is horrible.

"It's not important what you're upset about."

What?

Damian, the worst adviser in the world.

Yes it is important because it would destroy everything, they would end the reading of books on the roof, visits to Riva street where they would chat in the book store, the shared cafes in their room when they feel too lazy to go up or the weather is not favorable for them and the way he smiles marking that dimple on his cheek, how he held her hand and leaned his head against her. She thinks that if she lost him, she wouldn't do those things again.

Her heart breaks.

She would never walk down Riva Street again.

It is her fault.

It is his fault.

She imagines reading Robert Frost alone knowing he didn't love her, she would visit Riva Street trying to meet again, she would finish the cafes on the floor of her room because she is dumb enough to confess. Damian wouldn't worry about love affairs, he has a purpose and it would be a distraction, a stone in his shoe, he had better judgment, therefore he would walk away first.

He would not give her second glances; in fact, he would despise her for ruining their friendship.

It terrifies her too much.

She cries like a baby in the back of the car.

When they park in front of the tower of the Titans, she does not think twice and opens the door running into the forest that surrounds the home of the young heroes, entering it as if he were chasing her. She can hear the car's engine go off, as well as his desperate call, then the footsteps.

Raven takes off her shoes.

Thanks for the lightness of her dress. She thinks about going through the back door of the tower and locking herself in her room, tomorrow she could say that she was drunk and was not thinking clearly, but now she needs to be alone.

Maybe she deserves it.

She is running barefoot through the woods with her dress catching leaves and branches, just as her hair is now a wind-tossed mess. The moon is a fuzzy point between the treetops and the warm weather does not help.

She runs a hand down her face, ridding herself of the tears that were running down her cheeks.

"Raven!"

She is not a runner, so she is caught by arms before she could open a portal to her room, another country or dimension, she really doesn't know for sure. There are three uncertain options.

Damian pushes her away, looking her in the eye.

"What's wrong? You ran away, the car was moving, Raven."

His hands go up and down her shoulders to her arms, giving her warmth. Then she realizes that she is trembling, like a scared puppy and she is a total disaster.

She wanted to escape to close her fate, because she deserves to be alone and having him close is her own personal torture.

Damian had come to her in moments of vulnerability, when no one was looking, he trusted her more than anyone, he was harassed and hated by people. Damian Wayne was easily associated with actresses, models and celebrities, they took his privacy without his consent, everyone hated or loved a version of him.

He showed her his true self and she paid him by falling in love with him.

He had driven her crazy, begging him to knock on her door or end it all.

It would destroy years of friendship and companionship.

Raven got out of a relationship, that's not how it was supposed to go, she hadn't looked for it.

He looks her in the eye, as if waiting for her to tell him the devastating ending of a novel. He is so close that his mint breath almost makes the tide, his hands are warm as the desert and she has to look away so as not to be consumed.

Her heart beats painfully in her chest.

She ruined her life for not being his.

She wants so much and that is hurting her.

"Tell me."

She digs her feet into the ground, her toes touch the ground and the dry leaves. This is real.

Suddenly, she is angry with everyone and everything.

Tell him! A voice rolled her, almost crying. You're going to ruin everything, says another with resignation.

However, something inside her asks for more, she wants to have him closer and her hands tremble wanting to interlock their fingers; it is as if a spirit had possessed her body and made her ambitious and selfish.

She feels her heart breaking.

Wanting it is bad. Damian doesn't deserve this, but ...

Now or never.

She shouts: "I love you! Ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

Time is frozen, like dead. Everything stops.

Damian is silent.

She swallows and clenches her jaw.

She wants to cry.

She has ruined everything.

But he looks up and smiles like a devil.

***

The lights are off when they reach her room, Titus is playing with her sheets and there is disorder.

She stands still, not knowing what to do.

The moonlight is bluish, almost blinding them and everything is silent. The door to her room is open, the kitchen light is dim and she listens to a tune in the distance, she thinks it's the radio that Kory always leaves on.

The tension could be cut by a knife, but it is different.

Raven has passed the effect of alcohol and knows that she has done something that is irreparable, but she couldn't care less, because he smiled and held her hand gently; Damian dropped the costumes a bit, sheltering his feelings and emotions as heshe had been taught all his life, just for her. Nobody else.

He is standing at the door.

He looks her in the eye and there is an unspoken agreement between the two.

Close the door.

Raven is an awkward mess, it will take days for her emotions to normalize, but this time she allows her stomach to spin, her hands to stay inert at the sides of her torso without knowing which position to adapt, and her brain short-circuiting.

All roads had led her to this moment.

Feeling their fear and how confused they are, none are used to showing affection unless someone loves them, but they try. She stands firm.

Damian says nothing when he approaches, he takes her hand gently interlacing his fingers, it is like fire and ice, two forces that collide. It is something so every day, but with him it is as if he left a mark that she cannot erase.

He presses their foreheads and she sigh.

She had been a hawthorn tree for a long time, but now she may be a rose.

He caresses her face, the pads of his fingers running down her forehead, her cheeks up to her neck. It is pure, there is longing and affection, he will not tell her that he loves her too, but the gentleness and innocence of the act is enough to let her breathe out, because they do not need to speak, nor do they require speeches. Love can be declared to anyone, castles are built on the sand with ease only from confessions based on nothing, but demonstrating it is something else.

Raven kisses him on the cheek, presses her lips against the skin, and the fingers he keeps on her neck tremble. His breathing is ragged, as if he was agitated; they were both so lonely, apprehensive, and fearful that this bubble was an illusion.

They cannot make promises now because this is running a thread.

Darkness surrounds them, like a blanket on this summer night. There is no one in the tower, everyone stayed at the bar and they only heard Titus's playful grunts.

Her hands go up his chest and go to the nape. They take it easy, adapting to being this close, and trying not to get the blow too strong to leave them in shock.

She presses her forehead against his cheek.

Her father's voice is strong and threatening, but she contains a smile because it is so ridiculous and funny.

"What does he say? " He whispers.

She looked him in the eyes "My father wants to kill you. "

Damian frowns "And me to him. "

Raven laughs, a loud, clear laugh; she shares his feelings about her father.

"I will have a good relationship with your father," he says sarcastically. His voice is light and attracts her, like bees to honey. "It would be a shame if you spend time with me. "

"It would be," she whispers.

He brushes back a lock of her hair, pressing both hands to her cheeks. He kisses her cheek lightly with the touch of a butterfly and sighs, almost instinctively closes his eyes and kisses her on the corner of her lips, they are like school children experiencing romance.

When they finally kiss, it is soft and delicate.

She has to lean on him not to slip, and her heart trembles with joy, because she has what she wanted for so long. She doesn't know when they crossed the line, when she started having feelings for him, it felt like a thousand years ago.

She in a safe place, she feels like she been waiting a long time to find something like that. This is the kind of love that time does not heal, that makes you sigh and beg for more.

She would ask him to please stay.

In the past she believed that love is painful, that it steals things from you and runs away, like a criminal, but it is more than that.

Kissing in the dark, limbs trembling and hearts pounding, praying this doesn't end. They are a blank page on a desk, which is filled as they go.

Raven strokes his hair, and feels his breath catch.

They stay there and Titus jumps around her, barking and expressing enthusiasm; he is the only thing in the room that is moving.

He kisses her again. This time it is safe, the kiss is slow, and he seems to want to savor this moment and her legs tremble.

His breath is slightly bitter, like whisky, and her lips are ice cold in the drink. It is an interesting contrast to his warm skin to the touch and she realizes how much she wanted to feel each of his scars, she wanted to perceive what his skin is like and the lights change the color of his green eyes, she wants to know what is under his clothes, count his freckles, moles, wounds and scars.

One of the straps of her dress falls from her shoulder.

Her body is new to him, and she is more than willing to get used to it.

Let him have everything; her heart, her body and soul.

*** 

Damian and Raven talk and agree to have their relationship private.

In front of the titans they are companions, they get along well, but it is not that they revolve around each other, in fact, they hardly speak if it is not for the missions. They try to separate the professional from the personal, they would have nothing in front of the others, but they look in private corners. No one knows what is between them.

They do well.

Damian has already been exposed to the media, they had gotten into his life and he was hated by everyone for his attitudes like Robin, but when they are together that does not matter. All the drama queens and the noisy ones muffle their voices and the statements of celebrities approaching him lose their meaning.

He doesn't care what is said in the tabloids.

He thinks the Titans are suspicious, but not that there was enough evidence, and none are willing to answer the questions or pay attention to suspicious glances. Nobody asks Damian, but his brothers are an exception, after all, they didn't learn from the best detective in the world for nothing and sometimes he thinks it's a curse to surround himself with his family.

He thinks Alfred and his father know but ignores them.

They are not a sentimental couple, nor do they go out too much, only on missions or compulsory fun dates, to walk in the park with Titus, although they rarely go together, since they fear finding the photos on the internet; they prefer to be in the room, have breakfast on the roof of the tower, lie next to each other without speaking, they could read together or hold hands and Damian prefers to enjoy her company when no one is around, She is surprised when she feels light waking up by his side in the morning or by entering her room after a mission.

Damian walks to her room with Titus following in his footsteps.

He goes through the room where the group watches a movie, Raven is not there, so she assumes that she must be in her room probably because they are watching a horror movie and it is not that the girl is a fan of horror movies that include Blood and uncensored deaths, the group barely notices as they are thrilled by the butter knife murder scene.

He opens the door and is surprised.

She is reading in his bed, wearing a shirt that she stole from his closet and never returned, and shorts made from gray fabric. Now she wears a plain Dolce and Gabanna shirt for sleep, as if the designer's brand was nothing.

Her short hair is strewn across the pillow and she is focused on the letters in that book.

Titus jumps onto the bed, licking the girl's face, she suppresses a smile, and looks up to see him lock the door securely.

She pet the dog "Hi. "

He quietly walks over to his computer, pulling a document Drake had sent him out of the recycle bin that contained a report with a couple of errors. His father instructed him to correct the mistakes since his brother had overdosed on coffee or something.

she is probably feeling his apprehension.

From his bag where she carries his pet's leash, water bottles, the muzzle and a part of towels, she extracts a cotton candy wrapped in a plastic bag, it looks like a pink cloud.

When he saw the vendor in the park, he remembered how she had that insane obsession with sweets and his mind began to associate her with caramel, soft and extremely sugary flavors. Sometimes he doesn't understand how she can tolerate eating a whole cotton candy.

She smiles at him and takes it in her hands. He sits on the bed, and she spreads her feet using his lap to support them; Damian looks down as if asking why he did that, but he just lets it go.

Raven eats the cotton candy, while smiling as she tries to push the dog away. Finally, the animal licks her fingers absorbing the sweetness, and she laughs.

He tries to focus on correcting the report, but her laugh distracts him.

"I'm trying to finish," he declares, but his gaze is no longer focused on the screen.

She puts a piece of cotton candy in her mouth and smiles. She doesn't answer him, but she looks sorry for interrupting him, heshe knows it's not her fault, but she didn't impose rules on Titus and around Raven he behaves like a spoiled brat. 

"Sorry, it's just ..." The dog jumps on top of her and licks her fingers. Damian decides that enough is enough and with just a sign Titus settles near his feet. The girl grimaces picks up the book and opens a page. "Is that the report they called you so much for? "

He nodded. 

Gotham City.

The Penguin robbed the city bank, between the streets ...

Raven shakes her hand and opens her palm. Now heshe is sitting next to her, she bumps her shoulders against his, she is small and their palms touch, she thinks she wants to interlace her fingers, but she puts a piece of cotton candy in his hand.

"Eat a little."

He is transported to the first night of mandatory fun when he hated being with the Titans, he did not belong because he knew everything there was to know, he was the most intelligent, disciplined and the most brutal fighter in the world, but nothing else and that is precisely what he lacked. He did not have any social skills, it was never clearer than in that amusement park, he had thought that his mistakes were great, he did not deserve that any of these people accepted him.

Raven had gotten closer; he didn't even know why. She offered him cotton candy ...

Just like now.

Shit. His father would kill him.

He closed the computer and set it aside. Damian eats the cotton candy, he still doesn't like it, it melts in his mouth and it is pure sugar, it is gooey, and his throat warms up, as if he had ingested a liquid at high temperatures.

He draws her in and sits her on his legs.

Raven is slim and diminutive, not muscular like Kory or Donna, but possesses the body of a runner, although both know she is not exceptional in sports, she prefers her magic. He surrounds her waist, and she rests her head against his cheek, as she likes to do when they hug.

She keeps her gaze on her book and turns the pages.

Read:

With his back to the sun, another day ends in this abandoned town.

You have a wish list:

-Know the city.

-Build an aviary for those little birds that roam your yard looking for food.

-Risking for someone and that it turns out well.

…

Damian laughs wryly.

"What? " She asked, looking him in the eye.

Raven pulls back a little but adjusts the position so that both legs rest to one side.

"You were drunk when you confessed. You took a chance. "

She buries her head in his shoulder "Don't remind me. "

She is embarrassed. He Finds this charming.

"It went right."

Raven stiffens, and looks him in the eye, but Damian is smiling because he can't help it and he likes to see how certain answers surprise her. She puts those eyes that he only sees when he smiles at her, it's like she's melting inside, struggling to hold back a sigh; He has seen her do it before they started dating because Damian Wayne is not a fool, he is still the son and heir of the best detective in the world, and he was taught from a young age to measure personal body language; It is adorable.

Maybe he still slips.

He strokes her hair, tucking one of her locks behind her right ear.

They looked into each other's eyes.

 "Yes." She kisses him, sighs against his mouth, and Damian interlocks his fingers giving her a soft squeeze. "I did something right. "

His grandfather and mother would be scolding him, an Al Ghul did not hold his partner as a delicate thing and allowed himself to be kissed without a purpose, even his father who had lost the ground to the Gotham cat would give him a disapproving look, it is dangerous to establish a personal connection with your teammates, but none knew and to be honest, they were not interested.

In fact, no one knows for sure.

The diamond sparkles on her forehead.

"My father still wants to kill you."

Of course, yes.

She changes position now sitting face to face, strokes his chest until she stops at his heart and stays there. He really doesn't understand how he came to this, he didn’t expect to find love, nor in a million years would he think about being in this position, but he won't run from this. All the voices from his past scream in his head, but Damian stays.

It is so unexpected.

Damian hates when something doesn't go according to plan, because he usually has it all coldly calculated, if it doesn't work then he would have a backup. As the future leader of an organization, his life was designed, as Robin, he has to be prepared for everything and being a Titan, he took on the hard work, the aspects that others would not take care of, everything was perfected. This is out of his hands.

"I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this"

Raven smiles and they kiss.

All the murders, all his past, all the pain and confusion, the hatred and the persecutions are nothing compared to her.

End.

[punkcupcakestyles]

Love Song

Part 13

Catch Up!

“How’s Camille, Harry?”

“Greedy, ain’t he?”

“Well, when you have that face, mate, girls just don’t care.”

The words were still ringing in my ears, even though days had gone by. 

We were back in L.A., and I was back at my house. I didn’t go to his house, I mumbled excuses and went back home, to Cat and my mom. To Sam. 

That was always the plan, to go to Sam, to follow him wherever he went. I was supposed to go to Stanford while he went to UCLA and we were going to visit each other every weekend, go to San Francisco and Las Vegas. We were supposed to live college life like there was nothing else after it. And somehow, someday, he was supposed to realize that I was it for him. I was the one he was looking for. That he loved me almost as much as I loved him (I had come to terms with the fact that I was always going to love him more). 

And then, that night happened and my life turned upside down. 

It could’ve been worse, I guess.

“Your sister wore me off,” Sam complained as soon as he let himself plop down on the bed. 

The mattress shifted its weight and the mascara wand ended up poking my cheek as a result. I scowled, but Sam didn’t notice. He had his face buried into the pillow and his long arms and legs spread open over my covers as if he were a tiny, tired star. 

“Fuck, Sam!”

“Sorry,” he muttered at the same time he rose on his elbows to look at me. “You still look pretty. Where are you going?”

There was a certain edge on his voice as if he already knew the answer to his question and he disapproved of it. I peered down and poked my tongue out at him as he rolled onto his back, drumming his fingers on his tummy as he waited for my answer. 

“Dump his ass.”

“Sam...”

“No, for real, tell him to go fuck himself and dump his ass.”

“I will think about it, Sam. Now stop.”

Sam didn’t know, Sam couldn’t know. The moment he did, he wouldn’t look at me the same way. And I couldn’t stand that. 

“In this outfit?” I asked him, as I tried to remove the black smudge over my cheek. I looked down at myself, at the dark blue cotton shorts and the lavender lace of the teddy I was wearing. I had gotten it as a gift from a brand that wanted me as their ambassador, but I had never really had a use for it, up until now. “I’m going to the library.” Sam was still frowning. He was always frowning lately. “I need to take some photos for my IG. I’m gonna take it off right away.”

“Oh,” he muttered, and I felt a tinge of guilt in his voice. Not enough to say sorry, though. 

I pushed my makeup to the side, and let my fingers run through my hair to mess it up a bit, so it wouldn’t look perfectly sleek. My makeup was dewy and rosy, long lashes and glossy lips as if I had barely done something to my face instead of wearing a ridiculous amount of creams and balms and powders. It looked like I was in the middle of the golden hour when in reality it was past 8 and the sun had already set. 

I had definitely not woken up like this. 

I took a few pictures, trying to pose sexily casual, if that’s a thing, and making silly faces to the camera so I wouldn’t take myself so seriously. It was something I did from time to time, so my Instagram feed wouldn’t just be random pictures. 

Sam burst into giggles as he looked at me and took the phone away from me so he could snap a couple of pictures himself. I posed shyly, now that he was the one doing it, and he handed me my phone back once he was finished, with the photo already chosen. It was simple, I was looking at the camera with my lips slightly parted in a coy smile, and my hand on my neck. My eyes were cast down, and my nose was a little bit scrunched up, so I looked nice and happy.

“That’s the one you should post. You look beautiful,” he mumbled, and I managed to offer him half a smile, feeling my tummy bubble softly with his words.

“Thank you.” I took my phone back and went to post it on Instagram with a quick 🖤 as a caption, before I put it on my bed and fell back on the bed and lie next to him, so close that the tip of our noses was almost touching. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” I asked him softly and he rolled his eyes in response, attempting to get up from the bed before I pulled him back. “Sam.”

He was in a mood, bitter, sour, unbearable. He was lucky I liked him. 

“Annie broke up with me,” he muttered, avoiding my eyes as he did so.

“Oh,” I said. Oh. “When?”

“About a week ago. When I saw the photos of Harry with his ex.”

“Why would she break up with you because of that? That’s none of her business.”

“She said I cared too much.”

“You’re my best friend!!”

“She doesn’t think that’s the only thing going on.”

He finally looked at me and his eyes shone with worry. He seemed like a little kid, hopeful and scared at the same time. Hopeful I might feel the same. Scared I would laugh at him. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to, and neither did I. 

Fuck. Fuck. 

I couldn’t think of anything to say, nothing good, at least. I blinked and gulped, looking him stupidly in the eyes as he waited for me. To do what?

This is what I had wanted my whole life. Why wasn’t I jumping on the opportunity?

The sound of the phone almost made me jump out of my skin and I sat up, darting to it to give myself something to do. Harry’s name popped onto the screen and I rolled my lips into my mouth, wondering if I should answer his FaceTime call. Sam waited for me to decide, scoffing as I pushed the green button to take the call. Shut up, I warned with my eyes. 

Deep breaths. 

“Hi,” Harry smiled to the screen, widely and sweetly and I felt myself melt at the sight of him. 

God, I had missed him. It was the first time I was seeing his face, his actual face (he was everywhere, even if his album was not out yet) in a week, and I thought I knew just how much I had missed him every single day, but I was now realizing I had missed him so much more. “How are you, baby?”

Confused would be the right answer. 

“Good.” He was wearing some sort of hoodie, light blue and plush, and his dimpled smile and his bunny teeth made him look adorable. I could see Sam out of the corner of my eyes, and I shifted uncomfortably as he got up from the bed. 

“I’m gonna help Cat with dinner,” Sam muttered, loud enough to be heard. It didn’t matter if he had done it on purpose, cause Harry had notice and the sweetness on his face slowly disappeared.

“Who was that?”

“Uh...Sam.” I shifted on the bed, looking uncomfortable as Harry looked back.

“He’s there?”

No, that was a hologram. Jesus.

“He is, he stayed here while I was away.”

“You’re already back…”

“Harry…”

He looked pissed but didn’t say anything. Instead, he took a deep breath and let his tongue sweep over his lips.

“Come here tonight,” he finally said. 

“I-I can’t.”

“Why not?” 

Cause I had to figure things out. Cause I couldn’t offer him all of my attention. Cause there was a chance Sam loved me back. 

Did I love Sam? 

Fuck. 

“I was thinking about spending the night with my mom and sister.”

“And Sam,” he smirked and I rolled my eyes in response. “Let’s do something, yeah? Spend the night with them and come sleep here. I miss you.”

“I, uh, I’ll see what I can do, H.”

“That’s not a big promise, S.”

“I’m sorry, I have to go and help with dinner. I’ll let you know, yeah?”

He was displeased with my answer, rolling his bottom lip into his mouth and gnawing on the inside of his cheek. His jaw was set and he looked away from me for a second before he nodded. We said short goodbyes, and I grunted as soon as the call ended, and dropped the phone away from me so I could bury myself into the sheets.

I felt bad, so fucking bad. All I wanted to do was to go him and hide my face onto the crook of his neck.

But I also wanted to find out what was happening to Sam. 

Harry’s smile was gone too quickly, I didn’t get a chance to enjoy it. 

***

I put on a hoodie and went down to the first floor, to join my family in the kitchen. It was a mess, Cat had decided to do chocolate pudding and carbonara pasta from scratch so there was flour everywhere and an explosion of melted chocolate was stuck on the wall. I was pretty sure she had broken an egg on the floor. 

“You’re late,” she accused me, and she looked like a ghost with her face plastered with flour. 

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, side-eyeing Sam as he busied himself with the boiling milk. “I got distracted. What do you need me to do?”

“Fry the bacon and beat the eggs,” she ordered and I put myself to work, trying to avoid Sam as much as I could. But still, big as the kitchen was, it didn’t seem big enough for the two of us. 

My mom came home, still wearing her scrubs from the hospital, she looked so happy to see him, as if he were family and that was his natural place to be. She went to take a shower and came back with a big, satisfied smile just as we were serving dinner. 

It was a big, happy family dinner, even though the pudding was clumpy and that the eggs had cooked a little in the pasta sauce. It was easy to forget the problems of the day or the fact that Sam kept looking at me as if he wanted to figure me out. 

“So, when are you gonna bring your boyfriend home?” My mom asked she was finished and I looked at her and then at Sam nervously. 

“We…mmm...He’s not my boyfriend, mom. We’re just hanging out.”

“That’s not what the gossip sites say,” Cat mocked and I turned to look at her with my eyes big like plates. “What? They say you went to London so his ex would stay away. Did you really chase her with a knife?”

“I did not! Stop reading those shitty things and read a real book instead!” 

Cat shrugged her shoulders as my mom gave her a warning look. The thing about Cat was that she was less afraid of us as time went by and she grew older. I guess that’s what happens when you have a mother that’s put together with tape on her broken parts and a sister that’s about to crack. 

“Your sister did not chase anyone with a knife, that’s not the way we raised you, and we don’t beg for love,” my mom said sweetly. 

“Well…” Cat started, but suddenly shut up and whipped her head to look at Sam. She grew red and cast her eyes down as she filled her mouth with some more pudding. 

I was pretty sure what she was going to say. We all were. It was a good thing Sam had stopped her, cause I would’ve had to kill her. 

Dinner was done soon enough and Cat looked to suck up to my mom by helping her with the dishes, while Sam and I went upstairs. 

“Thanks…” I whispered when we reached my door and I leaned onto it, with my palms behind my back. 

“It’s alright,” he smiled. “She would’ve regretted it anyway.”

He barely managed to finish before I kiss him. My fingers pushed into his hair and I brought his closer, which he took as an opportunity to press me to the door. 

It was a nice kiss, more than nice, intense and slow, as I enjoyed the taste of his lips. They were sweet and juicy, just as I had always imagined them.

But the world was still there, I was aware that my mom was downstairs, and that Sam’s hands were looking for a way to sneak under my hoodie. It hadn’t disappeared around us, just like it did when Harry kissed me. 

I slowly pulled apart from him and he untangled his arms from around me. I turned around and opened the door to my room while Sam stood there, his brain probably pounding with a million questions about what had just happened. I knew mine was. 

“Sof…” Sam spoke softly and I turned around as I was about to close the door, to look at him. “Let me in.”

No. 

“Oh, no, you’ll have to wine me and dine me first, Sammy,” I tried to mock, but it came out flat and Sam’s brows furrowed deeply, as he took a step closer so no one else would listen to us. Fuck, my mom and Cat could come up at any second.

“What about Harry? You told me he was your boyfriend…”

“He is…” I nodded, biting the corner of my lips as a sudden feeling of shame filled my chest. Fuck. “It’s, uh, it’s complicated.”

“Do you love him?”

“Go to your room, Sam. We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” 

He finally nodded and turned around to go to his room, that was by the end of the hallway. He had always had a room at my place, it was the least I could do after he left us crash at his tiny apartment when we just got to L.A. When my mom was more a robot than a person and I worked as a waitress so we could eat. When I was still afraid every time I heard a police siren, and I saw blood in my nightmares every night.

Fuck me. 

***

@TeenVogue: Imagine looking THIS good🔥🔥🔥🔥

@Sarah1980.: Harries out there be thinking this chick can turn a gay man straight. He likes dick, ma’am.

@MikeG: Only reason I will be watching the new Marvel Era.

@Selenass: Those lips Kylie Jenner could never 💁🏽‍♀️

@pinkbae: 🤡🤡🤡🤡

***

I needed to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to sleep that night.

I kept watching reruns of Law and Order: SVU and I turned the TV from time to time and closed my eyes to see if I could fall asleep. But I tossed and turned on the bed, snapping my eyes open to go back to Olivia Benson and her not-so-calming stories. 

I had fucked up, I was aware of that. I kept coming back to the moment when I decided to kiss Sam, to the pressure of his lips on mine and the sweet taste of the pudding on his tongue. I scrunched up my eyes and buried my face onto the pillow, so it would muffle my groans

I needed to see Harry. 

It was an idiotic idea, but it was well established by now that I was a fucking idiot. I was still wearing the lavender teddy and the blue shorts, so I just put on a gigantic hoodie before I left my room. I hadn’t snuck out of my house in the middle of the night in a long while and I tried to be as silent as possible, stealing Sam’s keys on my way to the door. 

I took Sam’s car and drove around the familiar routes of my neighborhood. I was good there, I felt almost confident even though I was a terrible driver, the problem was when I had to leave the comfort of my zone. Soon enough, I was parking in front of Harry’s house and I pulled out my phone, begging that he would be awake so I wouldn’t have to go back home. 

You up? I wrote.

@H: It’s so late for a booty call. I feel almost used. 

I’m outside your door. 

@H: Oh, so literally a booty call? gimme a moment, I’m naked. 

I didn’t need to know that. 

@H: I’m gonna get naked again as soon as we enter the house, just so you know. 

I smiled for the first time that night, looking at the screen while I thought of something to reply. A billion things came to mind, but I settled with staring at the screen and smiling like an idiot at his words.  Oh, how I wished I was bold. 

The garage soon started to slide open and I tried and failed to start the engine again. I could see Harry standing by the driveway and looking at me with his arms crossed over his chest and a mocking smile on his face, as he saw me struggle for a bit with the car.

“Hi,” I smiled shyly when I finally parked in front of him and rolled down the window to look at him with big, sorrowful eyes, so he wouldn’t have any other choice but to agree to whatever I wanted. “Can I sleep here?”

I had learned that trick from Cat. 

Harry’s hair was messy and he wasn’t wearing a shirt, only his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He didn’t seem like he had just woken up, he looked divine. It was almost sinful how good he looked. 

“Sure,” he smiled as he leaned into the door and looked down at me with eyes full of curiosity. “but you do know it past 3 am, right?” He asked. A mop of curls fell over his forehead and I had to restrain myself from the need to touch it. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, biting my lips as I looked at him. “Should I go back?”

Harry chuckles rumbled in his bare chest and he stood straight to open the door. His eyes made their way down my body as I stepped down from the car and I was painfully aware of the fact that I was barely wearing any clothes. Neither of us had seemed to have gotten the memo of how freaking cold the dawn was going to be. 

“I didn’t know you drove,” he said.

“I don’t. This is Sam’s car. I kinda stole it.”

Like a petulant child, Harry’s rolled his eyes at the mention of Sam’s name and I smiled, pressing my cold fingers to the nape of his neck to bring him closer so I could kiss him, softly, sweetly. The weight of his body pressed up to me, trapping against the car as one of his arms went around my waist.

It was all I wanted to do, all I had been thinking that night: His kisses and the way the world seemed to blur around its edges when he was close to me. He took over my mind and every one of my senses, and a warm feeling settled in my tummy. It was like nothing I had felt before and I was pretty sure that I was probably not going to feel it after he was gone. 

I was starting to think that everyone else would have to compare to him. 

“We should fuck in this car,” he muttered as soon he broke the kiss and I giggled, still pressed up to him, still refusing to let him go. His forehead was against mine and his warm breath rose little goosebumps on my skin, but he looked dead serious about his offer. 

“Why would we do that?”

“So he knows you’re mine.”

“Am I?” I smirked. 

“Yes.”

“Sam’s just a friend,” I said, pushing the kiss we had shared deep into my mind, just for now. I would deal, with whatever that was, later.

“We both know that’s not true.”

That was the perfect moment to tell him about the kiss, or at least it was as good as any other chance I would have. I kissed him, and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. But I needed to know. I still don’t really know. 

But it was a messy thing to say, selfish as well, cause I wanted him to forget it right away and not mention it anymore. I wanted to let it out, so my mind would calm down, without having to suffer any of the consequences. 

I didn’t say anything. I let Harry lace his fingers with mine and guide me into the house until we were both in his room, and he walked to his closet to get something to sleep on. It was a shame, I had been promised that he would be naked. I quietly took my own hoodie off and stood there for a second feeling silly as I noticed I would actually have to sleep with the stupid teddy on. It was itchy, what was I thinking. 

I sat on the bed while I waited for Harry to come back, and stared at his phone as it kept buzzing off. His screen was lit up with messages, some from Jeff, some from Mitch and some from Camille. Her name popped up on the screen again and again and I felt my heart pound in my chest as the short moment of bliss slipped away from my fingers. It was so late, why would he be texting her? Had he texted her? Was that why he was naked?

Fuck.

Harry back to the room wearing only a black pair of boxer and he took his phone just as a FaceTime call came in. I pretended not to notice it was her as I lied down on the bed and he silenced it and joined me. His arms went around my waist and he pulled me close, so my  back was pressed to his warm chest and our legs were tangled between the sheets.

“Aren’t you gonna answer?” I tried to ask as casually as I could. “What if it’s important?”

“It’s not,” he mumbled, and his words rose little goosebumps down my arm as they fanned over the nape of my neck. 

“I could go to another room or you could…”

“You’re in my bed, why would I go anywhere, Sof? S’not important, I swear.”

He may be right and I may be his, but he was definitely not mine. 

He was never going to be. 

***

I had no idea what time it was, but it was probably late. It was difficult to tell cause Harry had blackouts to cover the big windows. 

I could feel the weight of Harry’s body against mine as I blindly looked for my phone, which had been buzzing somewhere on the bed for a while now. 

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath as I squinted at the bright screen and saw Sam’s name on it. 

“Turn it off, baby,” 

“It’s Sam. He probably needs his car back.” Or was wondering why would I take it in the first place. 

“I’ll buy him a new one, just turn it off.” Harry was still more asleep than awake and he turned his face away from the light coming from the phone. I stared at the screen, biting my lip as I felt like the tears started to prick on my eyes. 

What was I supposed to tel Sam anyway? Hey, I’m sorry I kissed you and then stole your car so I could sleep in someone else’s bed? Remember I told you it was complicated? It’s really not, he loves another girl, I’m just keeping her place warm for her. I know it’s pathetic, Sammy, but I’ll take what I can get. Don’t hate me, please. I need someone that would take me back when this is over. I’ll buy us an apartment in Paris, make it worth losing my soul. I’m sorry, I definitely fucked up. 

I silenced the phone and closed my eyes as I laid back down on the bed, staring into the darkness as Harry rolled to his side again so he could hug me. I shifted, until our chest were pressed together and I nudged the tip of my nose against his jawline, pressing sweet kisses on his neck as he sleepily brushed his fingers over my waist. 

“You’re really wearing lingerie?” Harry whispered almost giddily and I wish I could see the smile on his face. “I thought it was just my dream.”

“Were you dreaming about me?”

“Yeah, I was eating your pussy and you kept screaming my name.” Even if I couldn’t see him, I could hear his smirk and a little bubble of fire lit up right by my lower tummy, pressing between my legs. I had been there, it was definitely not a dream.

“You like it when I do that?” 

“Mmmm...I can’t really remember. Maybe you should sit on my face…Freshen up my memory.”

[captainswan-asyouwish]

This Is Us star Jennifer Morrison on why she joined the show, what to expect from Cassidy

Once upon a time — actually, about two weeks ago — This Is Us uncorked a rather unconventional season 4 premiere. This extended episode introduced a parade of new characters with no discernible tether to the Pearson universe… until the final stretch of the episode, when their connections became (more) evident. Among these new faces: Once Upon A Time and House alum Jennifer Morrison playing Cassidy, an accomplished military officer who suffers from PTSD and returns home to her husband, Ryan (Nick Wechsler), and 9-year-old son, detached and alienated from her old life and clearly suffering. One day she comes home drunk, and in a fit of frustration she winds up accidentally striking her son. Ryan orders her to leave the house, and she winds up seeking help via a support group for veterans. While she’s opening up about her experiences during a session, the moment is interrupted by a chair being thrown through the window. Through its shattered remains, we see our link to a broken Pearson and the perpetrator of the act: Nicky (Griffin Dunne), who’s clutching a bottle of booze.

Tuesday’s episode of the family drama, “Unhinged,” saw Cassidy cross paths with another Pearson, Kevin (Justin Hartley), as he played video games with her son in the waiting room of the veterans’ center (and later single-handedly pushed him into therapy). After meeting Kevin, Cassidy was more formally introduced the disruptor himself, Nicky, and the three of them would share an odd moment of connection — and an unexpected laugh — later in the hour. Elsewhere in the episode: Toby (Chris Sullivan) reluctantly revealed his secret abs to wife Kate (Chrissy Metz), she would bond with a brusque neighbor (welcome back to TV, Timothy Omundson!), Randall (Sterling K. Brown) was forced to make some tough decisions at the office (don’t let the lack of door hit you on the way out, Bernice!), and Miguel (Jon Huertas) continued his mission to win you over by saving Jack (Milo Ventimiglia) from job termination.

Let’s remove the cucumber slices from our eyes and the fish sticks from the microwave, rock a suit like Arsenio Hall, crush some Mario Kart, take the door off the hinges, and welcome Jennifer Morrison into the group.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Your agent tells you there’s a role for you on This Is Us. Your first reaction is…? JENNIFER MORRISON: Oh, I absolutely want to do it. By the way, this was not something that was just like offered to me. I had to fight for this. I love the show. I’m a fan of the show, and I’ve heard that there was a great guest arc coming for a strong female and [creator] Dan Fogelman auditions everybody. Everybody auditions for the show. My team came to me and they were like, “Is this something that you would want enough that you’d be willing to read for?” And I said, “Uhhh, yeah!”

You’re playing a veteran who’s been in the thick of war. How much did Dan and the producers tell you so you could accurately play this character — and what kind of research did you do? It’s a combination of their research and my research. They’re so incredibly thorough over there, which has been wonderful. Dan and I spoke quite a bit about the research the writers have done and the way that they were coming up with this character. Even every department had a lot of research, which was super-helpful. I’m not used to having that many resources in one place. The props department brought a ton of research about some of the tactical gear and the logistics, and the wardrobe brought more research about exactly what uniforms you can wear, when, how, why.

I had played a soldier years ago in an independent film [2013’s Alpha Alert], so I had done some previous research that definitely bled over into this research. I went back to some of the memoirs that I read for that and went online and looked through some of the research about veterans who come home and are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. I re-read a couple books about war. It was a lot of going back to my notes for that [film,] and that character was also struggling with PTSD…. I also started following some veterans online on Instagram and following their everyday lives. I felt like that was another texture to the research — not just knowing what it was like to be in Afghanistan, and not just what it’s like to face the horrors of everything that you’re facing when you’re over there, but also see what people’s everyday lives look like when they came home.

We’ve seen how the horrors of war have ravaged Nicky, and how Jack was able to somewhat successfully compartmentalize them and raise his family. We’ve seen the beginnings of how Cassidy is having trouble readjusting to civilian life. What does her path forward look like? There’s not a ton I can say about it, but Dan and all the writers had been really careful to be incredibly accurate about how delicate that journey is and how unique it is for each person facing it. I don’t think any one person comes home from facing those kind of horrors and has the same exact reaction to it, you know? So I think that’s something that they’ve done a great job with the writing, is really paying attention to the nuance of exactly what this particular woman is doing to try to unwind some of the damage that’s been done.

What adjectives would you use to describe her path forward? I mean, it’s complicated. I know that that’s super-vague, but it is complicated. There’s no clear path to healing, so there’s definitely steps forward and then there’s steps backwards.

From the get-go, what intrigued you about Cassidy? What was it about her that made you say, “I really want to explore this woman in the military?” Just getting that first script that showed the beginning of who Cassidy was going to be and setting up her backstory was just wildly complicated in a way that is just so intriguing to an actor. To see every corner of her in the sense that you start by seeing her super-vulnerable and missing her family and almost resistant to call her family because she knows how vulnerable it’s going to make her when she’s in a place where she needs to stay strong all the time. And then going from that level of vulnerability to questioning this woman in the hospital and almost threatening her and how strong and aggressive she has to be in that moment. And then turned around with so much regret, hoping that what she promised she could follow through on. And then finding out what she promised she couldn’t follow through on. And then the military ended up just bombing them anyway. The levels of humanity that were there just even in that first script — and it continues. you start seeing more and more corners of her as you see more episodes. There was such a full person on the page and such a complete person on the page, which was so exciting. So often when we write a strong, smart woman, she has to always be tough. They leave very little room for somebody to be vulnerable. And the truth is really strong, smart women are vulnerable and delicate in other ways as well. There’s a real wholeness to that. That was already in the writing, which was so exciting because instead of having me try to find that, I could build from that.

Speaking of Cassidy’s time overseas, are there more war experiences for us to uncover through her eyes? Will we learn more about what made her join the military and how quickly she moved through the ranks as a woman? She’s clearly very good at what she does. She is very good at what she does. I don’t think I can talk about that. But I can say she’s someone who really has worked her way up. That’s something that we definitely talked about it. She didn’t come in at some sort of advantage. She was not in a certain position because she had gone to the right school. She really has earned her way out because of her ability.

In the season premiere, Cassidy’s husband, Ryan, orders her out of the house after she accidentally strikes their son. In this episode, Cassidy tells Kevin that her husband wants her to get help. How fragile is their marriage at this point? From the point at which she hurts her son accidentally — and obviously very accidentally — I think that it’s incredibly fractured. Not only is her husband concerned and afraid of the circumstances, but she is. The last thing in the world she would ever want to do is hurt her child, yet that moment felt completely out of her control, and I don’t think there’s anything more terrifying for a parent to feel like their child might not be safe with them. It’s definitely what scares her into trying to figure out what would be the best way forward to get help.

A lot of fans have been speculating that Cassidy would be a romantic interest for Kevin, especially after a who-is-the-mother-of-Kevin’s-son mystery was introduced in the season 3 finale. What can you say to those fans speculating heavily in that direction? [Laughs] They’re speculating about any woman who could possibly have logistically had his child. So I feel like I’m in good company with all the people being speculated about…. They can speculate. There’s nothing more I can say.

Does that question also feel a little reductive considering the story you’re telling here about this woman who’s dealing with PTSD from war? Besides, she’s got this complex family situation with a young son to attend to and maybe even salvage. So that may not even be the fifth most important thing going on here. That’s what I have to say is so impressive about Dan Fogelman and Isaac [Aptaker, co-showrunner] and Liz [Berger, co-showrunner], and the whole writing team over there, is that there is such depth and so many layers and so much honesty to what they’ve written for this character. No matter where things go in terms of how she ends up fitting into who she knows and how she relates to anyone from the Pearson family, they’ve really gone the distance to write something that is really honoring the truth of someone who would’ve gone over to Afghanistan and dealt with what she’s dealing with. And I think that that is just so beautiful. It’s rare as a guest star — I feel like I’m being written for the way a series regular would be written for. There’s no holding back in terms of what they’ve brought to the page in such an amazing way, which I so appreciate it, and it makes me better. It makes me stretch, it gives me an opportunity to grow every time I’m on that set, which I really love. It’s really exciting.

But at the same time, I don’t blame anyone for wondering how she fits into the world. They’ve cared about these characters for three years and they’ve gone through a lot with them. And they’re connected to that family in such a powerful way, I think it’s only natural that when you bring someone with this much story into the mix, you want to know, “Well, how do they fit into this puzzle?” I don’t blame anyone for asking that question, but I do appreciate the delicacy and attention with which the writers have handled her story line.

Small characters don’t get $1,200 water heater scenes. You don’t just throw away a moment like that on a small character. Yeah, it was beautiful. And there’s more to come. Every script always pleasantly surprises me with a new layer that is revealing about Cassidy.

Nicky did not get off on the right foot with her by throwing a chair through the window while she was in the middle of a group share. As we saw in that final scene with them, nowhere to go from there but up? Clearly they share that bond of having experienced and been traumatized by war… Yeah. There’s a lot I can’t say, but what I can say is that moment when he throws the chair through the window — and this is such a tribute to where wonderful actor Griffin is; he just brings so much to every single little look and thought and everything he says and does — but she so sees herself in him immediately. Someone could be kind of pissed or off-put, like she was in being interrupted, or the level of anxiety that she’s facing in her life based on all those things are falling apart and to have this thing kind of interrupt it. And it’s not what happens for her. What happens is she turns at the shock of the noise and then looks in his eyes and sees herself. There’s something so powerful about that because what’s broken in him is broken in her. And even though there are two unique beings who’ve never met before that moment, there’s no doubt that there’s something parallel about what they’re going through.

She does seem taken in by him in the aftermath of the shattering, which by the way was totally jarring. It’s like a jump-scare! I mean, I shot the scene and when I watched it back, I forgot it was about to happen. [Laughs] What a brave move it was for Dan and the writers to decide to introduce you to these new characters, knowing that they have three more years on the show, if not more, and in order to be able to reveal more and more about their [main] characters, they needed to have more people for them to bounce off of. But for that to mean anything, you have to really know the new people to care about the way they interact with the Pearsons. So it was a really bold move to go the distance to really set up these new back stories.… There’s metaphor on top of metaphor in terms of the way that they’re really layering this idea of how strangers impact our future and how at some point everyone in our lives was a stranger, and eventually they either pass through or they become family. There’s just such a beautiful theme that they’ve laid through all of the episodes that lean into that idea.

At the end of this episode, when Kevin makes a ridiculous comment, it breaks down the walls of not only Cassidy but Nicky, and the three of them share an inappropriate laugh. How would you describe the dynamic between this trio? They’re all broken in very particular ways, some of which are similar and some of which are very different. So in a sense they’re a triangle that makes one whole. All three of them are a corner of the triangle that is holding each one of them up. And any one of them missing from that triangle would be a problem at this moment in their life.

Rounding off to the nearest dozen, how many This Is Us secrets are you keeping right now? Well, here’s what I can say: I have purposely not read stuff that I’m not in to be able to enjoy it as an audience member. I’ve been very diligent about giving myself the opportunity to stay an audience member for what I don’t participate in. So I have luckily eliminated a certain number of secrets by doing that. [Laughs] But gosh, I don’t know, maybe a couple dozen? Depending on how detailed you want to get with what you consider a secret.

Fair to say that Cassidy will be sticking around for a while? I guess the way that Dan has put it is that she’s a significant part of this season. So that’s the way I will reiterate it.

Can you give viewers one cryptic hint — a word, a phrase — about what awaits with Cassidy this season? Hmm… paperwork.

(X)

[arigatouiris]

out of my league // t.h — 05

Pairing: Tom Holland x Critic! Reader [I use female pronouns]

Warnings: swearing; eventual fluff; angst; hurt/comfort; pining; a little bit of cliche because come on.

A/N: I’m going along with the Mark Hamill thing, just for gags idk. Anyway, as for Aditi; I’m from India and I really don’t see a lot of representation on here, so I decided to add her as a side character. Hope ya’ll like this chapter~  Also, if you want me to add you to the series taglist, just drop a note or comment! ^^

Word count: 3171 

Series Masterlist

 04 | 05 | 06 

It came as a surprise to everyone a day after that when (y/n) decided to stick to the desk. Susannah even offered her another break (but, she was hesitant while doing so and blamed herself as the reason for which (y/n) declined), but (y/n) had made up her mind.

    “But why desk? I thought you hated the desk!” Susannah exclaimed, confused out of her mind.

    “Takes my mind off things. This is a vacation when compared to what I have to do otherwise.” (y/n) said, sheepishly.

    “You love reviewing though.” Bruce mumbled, but no one really paid heed to what he was saying.

    “Ever since Tom Holland made it easier for everyone around here to breathe, you should take that as a sign that you can get back to your normal life, (y/n). Maybe, even send him a thank you—”

    “I’m not sending him any thank you notes, he’s the reason everything began! He can’t create a problem and take credit for solving it.” (y/n) didn’t think she was being harsh.

Not doing this, she reminded herself. Turning on her heel, she headed to the desk she was appointed a few days ago and opened her mail. An exasperated sigh exited her lips when she noticed the odd number of mails, each containing a document for her to copy edit and review.

    She’d be lying if she said she didn’t at all feel thankful that Tom solved the issue with that one Instagram story. First, it took him that long to make it (which meant he went against what his manager said again, and who knows what trouble he got into for doing that?) What trouble can he get into? He’s an actor! (y/n) rolled her eyes as she continued her thoughts. Second, this was all his fault in the first place—considering how Jean Marcel is doing quite well writing crappy scripts for smaller TV shows at the moment. And third, (y/n) had had enough of an actor trying to win her over with his charm. Of course, some part of Tom Holland wanted to say sorry and thought it would work because he’s an actor. And an actor appearing on your doorstep is a big deal, as well! And some part of (y/n) wanted to accept such an apology only because Tom was a celebrity, and this didn’t sit well with her.

I’m out of his league, it had become a mantra now. I will never accept his apology. In the past, (y/n) was known to be someone who used the word ‘never’ a tad bit too much. Whether this aspect of her personality died down with age didn’t phase her at the moment. This was Tom Holland, an actor by profession, and a man who had screwed up otherwise.

    “So, are ya gonna thank the woman who showed you lovely Tom’s story yesterday?” Aditi’s voice appeared out of nowhere.

Rolling her eyes, (y/n) looked up from her desk to see a grinning Indian woman, her shades still on and her smile, rather annoying. Aditi was the personification of sass.

    “He’s not lovely Tom.”

    “That’s all you’re going to correct from that sentence? Wow, (y/n), you’re going soft on me.”

    “Aditi, what’s up?”

Taking her shades off, Aditi grumbled something before turning to her friend, “How’re you holding up?”

    “I’m better now.”

    “Like Post Malone?”

(y/n) turned to her computer, ignoring her statement, thus inevitably shooing her annoying friend away. Aditi laughed as she walked away, talking about Tom Holland being a savior. No one sees it, (y/n) thought to herself, feeling her ears turn pink. Everything that I had to go through, all those mails I had to read! If they knew even half of it, they’d know that Tom Holland isn’t to thank for here. I can’t believe that it has to be explained to them, she shut her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath. I won’t be doing the explaining. I’ve had it. I don’t want to ever associate myself with Tom Holland ever again.

    While it was surprising to everyone that (y/n) decided to stay back at the desk for the moment, it wasn’t as surprising as it was for (y/n) herself. She has always hated the desk for as long as she could remember; her first week at the job and she dreaded it and wanted out. Her confidence levels were booming then, she was an enthusiastic cutlet of pure passion, she wouldn’t let the desk mar her confidence in anyway from achieving what she truly wanted. However, now, especially after the internet fiasco, (y/n) had come close to giving up.

Mental exhaustion hit her harder than it ever did before; she never knew people were capable of such hate, such anger over something they didn’t clearly understand. If (y/n) wasn’t being existential, she was being cautious. People were a force of nature, and angering a crowd proved drastic for her. She always considered her job like surfing, it’s never a safe sport. However, even a surfer tends to take a break after almost drowning. But the breath of fresh air had hit her lungs, she had found her release and everything was slowly going back to their place—Tom was leaving her alone, and she could return to critiquing.

    (y/n) should be happy, but she felt nothing of the sort. She felt absolutely nothing. She felt nothing a lot these days, ever since the scandal; she’s cried a few times, but she mostly found herself feeling nothing, being nothing. She felt empty—as if whatever makes her feel and hurt has been surgically removed, leaving her hollowed out like a shell.

The mere mention of Tom did something to her; she would feel agitated, an uncontrolled force of ire would fill her veins. She didn’t know if this was for the actor, or the person or the entire ordeal that had taken place. She didn’t know if she was wrong in blaming only him, or being mad at only him—but from her shoes, he was all she could see. 

     It was as if someone could draw lines pointing toward what caused all these problems and all lines met at Tom Holland. In a way, she admired his strength. Just a few weeks of internet hate turned her into a hollow shell of who she used to be; Tom does this every single day. He couldn’t be who he wanted to be because he was a celebrity; all his shows and interviews were interviewing Tom Holland, the actor who played Spiderman and Lionel, and not Tom Holland, the person whose face turns red because of the weather.

However, she was not in any position to be empathetic to the perpetrator of her sorrow. Whether he wanted to or not, he had impacted her mental health more than adulthood had; and he had done it in a span of a few weeks. Less than what adulthood itself took. While comparing her sudden outbreak to adulthood, (y/n) understood that this pain was given the right credit. That the hurt she had been inflicted with demanded her response.

    She, therefore, could not forgive Tom Holland, the actor, the person, the phenomenon.

Even Tom Holland had his phone fall flat on his nose as he held it to his face in the dark as he was lying down. It didn’t matter to the phone that he was Tom Holland, gravity worked even if you’re attractive. 

Grumbling in pain, Tom immediately checked for any signs of blood spilling from his nostrils, and sighed in relief when there was none. Letting out a couple of coughs, and pushing one leg out of the corner of the blanket that was covering him, Tom was finally comfortable again. It was close to 2:30 a.m., but he couldn’t sleep. Tom always had trouble falling asleep, but he normally never let it embrace him like he did that night.

    His eyes scrolled through Google search, his tongue popping out in instinct, and his eyes landed on what he wanted to look for.

    Birds of a Feather — Review by (y/n) (l/n) | London Daily

He licked his lips instinctively before clicking on the link. He scrolled to her profile in the bottom and clicked on it (since he had already read the review multiple times since then). Tom was reading the script for a new advert he was sent electronically, till it was around 1 a.m., and it was after that when he tried sleeping. When he couldn’t, he browsed through Instagram for a bit, laughed at a few funny videos on cats and dogs, but all of this he was trying to do to avoid thinking of her.

    But, once he thought of her, she stuck around. He shut his eyes and breathed, recalling her face as she smiled at him, sitting across from him in the coffeeshop. He’d pictured over ten times on how that conversation would have gone if those girls hadn’t interrupted them. He’d wondered if she’d tell him more about herself, and he wondered if he could ask her why she didn’t follow him on Instagram (taking a careful moment there, because he didn’t want to seem creepy). He wondered if she’d smile at him often the way she normally smiled, and he wondered if she’d reserve a special smile only for him.

It was almost as if he was resisting all these thoughts by not thinking of her and thinking of everything else; but all else seemed mundane in front of her.

He recalled every single detail about her from that day in the coffeeshop. Her Emilia Clarke smile when he was surprised she drank her coffee black. Her laugh—oh goodness—her laugh. When he thought about the way she laughed, as though she owned the air around her, Tom’s heart thundered inside his chest, a symphony on its own.

    He looked at all the reviews she had written, over a 100 of them, and scrolled to the very first one. He could feel his heart beating as he was scrolling through her pages, almost as if he was doing something so secretive that he couldn’t let the world know yet. Tom wasn’t thinking and perhaps, a crush can do that to a person; where their body knows what the mind wants, and was working on finding out more and more and more about the person in question.

He found her Star Wars reviews, all of them stacked together. He slowly began reading each and every single one—some were not longer than 900 words, some critiques were over 2000. He absorbed the way she thought in some of the movies he’s also seen, and he wanted more. 

He searched for her name on Facebook after that and found her in one go, chuckling when he discovered that she hadn’t actually deactivated her Facebook account. He stalked her innocently, careful not to like anything, careful not to make it seem like he had tread on a path he wasn’t allowed. Tom almost felt like he was trespassing, but this didn’t harm anyone.

    She likes Star Wars, he thought before adorning a smile. He took a look at one of her status updates about Mark Hamill. If Mark Hamill ever replied to a tweet I made, I’d die. I’d just cry and die right then. Tom laughed, before scrolling past and seeing more of her. Here was a whole person, whose life was intertwined with an Instagram story he had put up.

    “I’ve met Mark Hamill, you know,” Tom said to absolutely no one. “He’s such a nice guy.”

And Tom fantasized all night over introducing her to Hamill, seeing her melt, or cry and die like she had written. Tom knew this was incredibly foolish of him to be thinking the way he was about someone he knew nothing about (of course, knowing she likes Mark Hamill didn’t count). Oh, but he wanted to. He wanted to know her. He wanted to ease things and not have this radio silence with her. He’s an actor, and there would be so many people he’d never ever meet, who desperately wanted to meet him. But this was perhaps the first time, where Tom desperately wanted to meet someone, and being an actor didn’t help.

    It was as if the tables were turned here. To him, (y/n) was now the celebrity, far out of his reach, pristine and wonderful, hardworking and gorgeous, close to ideal even—but one fact remained. Tom shut his phone and put it aside, noticing the time was close to 4 in the morning. She’s out of my league, Tom chuckled, before hoping to dream about her.

(y/n) woke up to her phone buzzing. It was several minutes before her alarm could wake her, but she was not complaining. She blinked a couple of times before checking her phone, and noticing that the message was from an unknown number. Sitting up, she held the phone in her hands and read through the message.

I hope everything is alright now. I sincerely hope you don’t have any more mails coming your way, bad ones. I’m sorry I can’t tell you this in person, for screwing up last time. Have a good day, (y/n). :) 

There’s a smiley in the end, she thought before frowning. She knew who it was from. She didn’t want to wake up with this being the first thing she saw. Sighing, she closed the messages app before getting on with her day. If he was expecting a reply, then her behavior was a clear giveaway. She was ghosting him. 

     It took her close to an hour to get ready, have breakfast and begin her journey to the office that morning. She liked how London was sunny that morning, and not gloomy like it was almost every other day. Just as she reached office, greeting people she knew with a nice smile, she spotted Aditi already waiting by her desk. Cocking an eyebrow at her friend, she hopping toward her to ask her what happened.

    “You won’t believe who called me to ask for your number,” Aditi said, smirking. “You most definitely won’t like who it is, but I’m warning you, be nice. You need to be. May the Force be with you.”

(y/n) rolls her eyes before whispering, “Was it Tom Holland?”

Aditi blinks like she heard her friend say the most idiotic thing possible. She scoffed and shook her head at (y/n)’s imprudence.

    “Oh, please! Why in the world would Tom Holland call a beat reporter? No, it was someone else that you don’t like and you’re going to need to be at your best—”

Almost as if on cue, (y/n)’s phone started to ring. Blinking at Aditi, she moved aside a bit, placing her bag on her desk and picked up the call.

    “Hello?”

    “(y/n)?” The voice sounded bored, almost as if she didn’t even want to be talking.

(y/n) felt all the energy leave her body when she identified the caller.

    “Jenny. What a pleasant surprise.” Robotic and not genuine.

    “Alright, so I don’t know what the whole deal is with you and Tom, but he sent me a rather sharp mail talking about how disappointed he was with the content I broadcasted on my show, and that I had to call you and apologize for slandering your name.”

    “He did?” (y/n) was confused.

    “Yes,” There was a sigh, “He did. And he was demanding so I had to call you. Why else would I call you?” Jenny didn’t have to explicitly state that she hated (y/n), all Jenny had to do was talk.

    “Thanks for calling, Jen. Keep up with the great work!” (y/n) faked enthusiasm, and heard Jenny groan before ending the call.

    “Jennifer fucking Campbell. I can’t believe it.” (y/n) breathed, letting out a laugh.

    “But, why did she want to call you?” Aditi asked.

(y/n) sighed. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to tell Aditi that Tom had asked Jenny to call. Aditi’s response was already in order. She’d ask her friend to send Tom a thank you note or a bouquet or whatever it was that they’d send with thank you notes. (y/n) shrugged before dropping the topic and getting to her desk. She had decided to ghost Tom, and even a rather hilarious apology from Jenny wouldn’t do.

An hour later, (y/n)’s phone beeped. Taking a breather, she checked her phone to find she had a new follow request. Blinking, she clicked on the Instagram notification and groaned. A ‘tomholland2013’ had sent her a new request. What is he doing? She thought before declining it, and refreshing the page. A second later, there was another request. From Tom.

I am not doing this right now, she thought before ignoring the request; she felt her cheeks burn up, and a ghost of a smile was threatening to make its way up to her lips. She wouldn’t cave. No, she scolded herself before straightening her reaction. I am not doing this!

A moment later, she let out a squeak and covered her face with her hands. She could control her reactions, but her face was still quite warm. As much as she loved her ability to ignore unwanted people in her life, ignoring Tom Holland was a challenge.

    “What’s gotten into you?” Haz asked, petting Tessa on the head.

    “What do you mean?” Tom said, looking up from his phone, a smile still on his face.

Harrison pointed to Tom’s eerie smile, disgusted, “That. You’re smiling like a horse.”

Tom scoffed before muttering a ‘sod off’ and getting back to his phone. Haz blinked before looking at Harry and Sam, who were coming into the living room. Pointing to his friend, Harrison waited for Harry or Sam to respond on their own.

    “He’s been like this since last night.” Sam said, bored.

    “He’s been readin’, can you believe it? I even peeped into what he was looking at so intensely, but they were just words.” Harry said, shrugging.

Haz looked at Tom, who was ignoring the whole thing.

    “Could be smut.” Sam suggested.

Haz rolled his eyes, “He’s not reading porn, Sam.”

    “Whatever he’s readin’s sure making him smile like a fucking creep, that’s for sure.” Harry said, letting out a laugh.

Harrison let out a sigh. He looked at his friend and wondered. The only other time that Tom was out of wits was back in BRIT when he was obsessed with this other girl in class. The crush didn’t last very long, but similar signs were present back then—now grown in intensity. Haz nodded to himself once before minding his own business. The answers would come to him, as they always did.

It’s Tom. And he was Haz. It was meant to happen.  

series taglist:

@strangemaximoff, @aestheticgaybish, @noobmaster63, @why-are-all-the-teens-gay, @wonders-of-the-multiverse, @boushalaivre, @jackiehollanderr, @nerdypisces160, @yourwonderbelle, @quackson606, @stickyqueenbouquetsstuff, @fandoms-stuff, @danicarosaline

[calumxkisses]

Will you marry me? | c.h.

pairing: calum hood x reader

genre: fluff

summary: just pure fluff of Calum proposing to you.

a/n: let me know what you think about it, I hope you’ll like it!

♡♡♡

A blow of wind enters from the big window at your right, waving the red dress you're wearing. A flower is stuck in your hair, its light color highlights the tan you took during these holidays: Calum's idea to escape your everyday life for a week of Hawaiian sea was exceptional, not just for your mental health, but also to further consolidate your bond.

Of course, dates and vacations with the others had been a key point in your relationship, but nothing was like this week away from any kind of toxicity, in your little bubble of love. After your candlelight dinner, to celebrate your third year together, Calum asked you to wait a few seconds in your hotel room, while he finishes to prepare "something".

After your last relationship - in which you found out your ex boyfriend in bed with 'just a friend' (how he usually refereed to one of his female friends) on your anniversary day - you thought you weren't ready to start something new with someone else.

Your mind was caught up in a 'not fall in love' state and your heart was still broken - even though your eyes weren't red and puffy anymore - when you met Calum for the first time.

You already knew who he was, his Instagram profile was always tagged in Andy's photos, your long time friend, but you didn't know Calum in person, how he really was despite is job.

When you first saw him, you were sit on Andy's stairs in the backyard while the party was going on inside his house; Calum was in front of the grill with Ashton, he was holding a beer in his right hand while a deep laugh was coming out of his body. Your gaze was on him but your mind was somewhere else until an hand shaked in front of your face. You shaked your head and looked up, meeting brown eyes.

"Is everything fine?" he asked with a soft voice.

"Yeah, sorry. I spaced out."

"Oh, okay. Sorry that I bothered you."

"No no, you didn't. It's just-" you couldn't even finish the phase that your eyes started losing tears; his first time holding you was right after that first sob, causing you to feel safe. How could a complete stranger make you feel so protected? Part of you was sure that it was only because he wasn't your ex boyfriend but in the deep, the other part of you knew that there was something different.

"I'm sorry I-"

"Don't worry, I don't need to know... just remember that everything is going to be fine." and since that, everything really went fine.

For the rest of the night, Calum kept you company talking about his rockstar life and your sadness didn't come back, not even for a second, during that night.

The day after your first meet, Calum invited you out for a coffee. He was clear at specifying that it wasn't a date - after the night before you told him something about the reason why you were crying - but it felt like a date indeed. You both couldn't stop smiling and the world felt like a heavenly place. The conversation was spontaneous and your phones never were grabbed from your pockets. When he took you home, you expected him to kiss you - and you didn't know how to feel about that - but, however, he just moved a piece of hair from your face behind your ear and gave you a sweet kiss on your cheeks before telling you how he hoped to see you soon.

At your official first date, several weeks after the 'not a date’ coffee - in which you never stopped seeing each other - Calum took you out for dinner in a 70's inspired fast food. You didn't wanted something too formal since it wasn't the first time you guys went out together. After eating and laughing for a couple of hours, Calum surprised you asking you to dance on a song that someone put on the jukebox: you turned bright red and started to laugh before taking his hand and dancing the night away.

The first time you made love, you were scared. For you, making love has never been just sex, but something more important: it meant giving all yourself - your fears, your weaknesses, your certains - to someone. And Calum knew that. During the meet of your bodies, he never made you feel bad: he kept telling you how beautiful you were, how lucky he felt and how you meant so much to him.

And that night, while Calum was holding you close to him while he was sleeping, you thought about how everything felt right, for the first time. Because your ex boyfriend, after all, never made you feel that good with yourself; and you fell asleep happy, with a smile on your face and a heart full of love.

The worst fight you had was after a year and half of your relationship and it was about the tour - Calum wanted you with him everywhere, but you had your things to do and couldn't go with him at all their concerts. He was really mad and left for three days the flat you shared. The worst days of your life. You were heartbroken and you were sure that he was going to leave you. But 72 hours later Calum came back home with a bouquet of red roses - your favourite. He told you how sorry he was and how scared he felt to be away from you for a long time. You ended up making love and promising to each other that a bunch of kilometres weren't going to break your relationship.

The ringer of your phone wakes you from your memories. You look at the screen and notice that it's a message from Calum: come outside, princess.

As soon as you arrive outside the building, you notice a row of candles and red petals that show you the way to get to the beach. Slowly, with trembling hands and a beating heart, you follow the path until you reach a heart drawn on the beach with red petals and small photos of you and Calum. Bringing a tuft of hair behind your ear, you reach the center of the heart and, right at the center point, you see a particular photo that you have never see before. With a huge smile on your face and wet eyes, you pick it up and look at it with joy, putting your hand over your mouth to stop the sobs.

“Andy took this picture three months ago: it's you and me sitting on the stairs in the backyard of his house, I'm pointing to the stars to you but you're not listening, you're too lost at looking at me. I know i’m handsome, but i didn’t expect that much.” A little laugh comes out from your mouth as you look up; Calum is walking to you with a smile on his face. He’s wearing a white shirt made of linen and a pair of beige shorts. Sure to have your attention, he continues to talk.

“Neither of us has noticed Andy and this underlines even more how we are focused on each other. The world could fall apart, but as long as I have you and you have me, nothing else is important. The first time I saw you, in that exact place, I saw the pain you were hiding behind your eyes. I didn't know the reason for your suffering but I knew I had to take it off, i knew I have to show to that lonely girl that there is something good in this world, even if I didn't believe it. And you made me change my mind.” Calum is now in front of you and you can see how his eyes are wet too. 

He takes your hand and leaves a sweet kiss on it before holding it close to his chest. “You know, for all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you.” 

“I didn’t even know I could feel this happy, but since you came into my life, I discovered that there’s a kind of happy that I didn’t know it was possible to me to feel with someone else. I want to hold your hand, laugh at your jokes, walks by your side, talk about whatever and kiss your lips every single day.” His thumb removes a tear from your cheek and your eyes close at his touch.

“I’m the happiest version of me when I’m with you. Once I read how love’s about finding the one person who makes your heart complete, who makes you a better person that you ever dreamed you could be. And I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I don’t want to have amazing years with you and then it be all over in a flash. I don’t want to experience the feelings of hurt, confusion and disappointment again. No matter what we run into and no matter how hard things get, I want us to stick together. You think I saved you and your broken heart, but you were the one that saved me from my fear of love.” 

Calum kneels down, takes a deep breath and pulls a small box from his pants pocket. He opens it and inside there is a beautiful ring with a small diamond that reflects the sunset behind you. 

“I wanna marry you because you’re the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. I wanna marry you for what I become when I’m with you. I wanna marry you because I don’t wanna spend any day without looking into your eyes and hearing your laugh. I wanna marry you because you taught me what fighting for someone by its side means and there’s nothing else that I want to do. So, will you marry me?” 

Your throat dries up as rivers of tears keep falling down from your eyes. “Yes, yes, yes!” you scream before throwing you over him and kissing him passionately. And while he, with his hands trembling with emotion, puts the ring in your left ring finger, you can't wait to kiss his lips every day and to call him yours for the rest of your life.

-

[blackfreethinkers]

Two kindergartners in Utah told a Latino boy that President Trump would send him back to Mexico, and teenagers in Maine sneered "Ban Muslims" at a classmate wearing a hijab. In Tennessee, a group of middle-schoolers linked arms, imitating the president's proposed border wall as they refused to let nonwhite students pass. In Ohio, another group of middle-schoolers surrounded a mixed-race sixth-grader and, as she confided to her mother, told the girl: "This is Trump country."

Since Trump's rise to the nation’s highest office, his inflammatory language — often condemned as racist and xenophobic — has seeped into schools across America. Many bullies now target other children differently than they used to, with kids as young as 6 mimicking the president’s insults and the cruel way he delivers them.

Trump’s words, those chanted by his followers at campaign rallies and even his last name have been wielded by students and school staff members to harass children more than 300 times since the start of 2016, a Washington Post review of 28,000 news stories found. At least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim, according to the analysis. Students have also been victimized because they support the president — more than 45 times during the same period.

Although many hateful episodes garnered coverage just after the election, The Post found that Trump-connected persecution of children has never stopped. Even without the huge total from November 2016, an average of nearly two incidents per school week have been publicly reported over the past four years. Still, because so much of the bullying never appears in the news, The Post’s figure represents a small fraction of the actual total. It also doesn’t include the thousands of slurs, swastikas and racial epithets that aren’t directly linked to Trump but that the president’s detractors argue his behavior has exacerbated.

“It’s gotten way worse since Trump got elected,” said Ashanty Bonilla, 17, a Mexican American high school junior in Idaho who faced so much ridicule from classmates last year that she transferred. “They hear it. They think it’s okay. The president says it. . . . Why can’t they?”

Asked about Trump’s effect on student behavior, White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham noted that first lady Melania Trump — whose “Be Best” campaign denounces online harassment — had encouraged kids worldwide to treat one another with respect.

First lady Melania Trump speaks at the White House in May 2018 about her “Be Best” campaign, which denounces online harassment. (Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post)

“She knows that bullying is a universal problem for children that will be difficult to stop in its entirety,” Grisham wrote in an email, “but Mrs. Trump will continue her work on behalf of the next generation despite the media’s appetite to blame her for actions and situations outside of her control.”

Most schools don’t track the Trump bullying phenomenon, and researchers didn’t ask about it in a federal survey of 6,100 students in 2017, the most recent year with available data. One in five of those children, ages 12 to 18, reported being bullied at school, a rate unchanged since the previous count in 2015.

However, a 2016 online survey of over 10,000 kindergarten through 12th-grade educators by the Southern Poverty Law Center found that more than 2,500 “described specific incidents of bigotry and harassment that can be directly traced to election rhetoric,” although the overwhelming majority never made the news. In 476 cases, offenders used the phrase “build the wall.” In 672, they mentioned deportation.

Withrow University High School

Someone sprayed hateful graffiti across campus, declaring "F- - - N-words and Faggots" and "Trump." The graffiti also threatened gay and black students and featured multiple swastikas -- the latter often painted alongside the president's last name.

Lewiston High School

After Ashanty Bonilla, 17, tweeted criticism of Trump supporters who visit Mexico, a classmate posted her message on Snapchat alongside a racist response and a Confederate flag. The next day, classmates heckled the teen with racist jeers, tied a rope to the back of her car and wrote "Republican Trump 2020" on the back window.

Amon Carter-Riverside High School

Georgia Clark, an English teacher in Fort Worth, tweeted at President Trump asking him to remove undocumented immigrants from her high school. She mistakenly believed her messages were private.

For Cielo Castor, who is Mexican American, the experience at Kamiakin High in Kennewick, Wash., was searing. The day after the election, a friend told Cielo, then a sophomore, that he was glad Trump won because Mexicans were stealing American jobs. A year later, when the president was mentioned during her American literature course, she said she didn't support him and a classmate who did refused to sit next to her. “‘I don’t want to be around her,’ ” Cielo recalled him announcing as he opted for the floor instead. Then, on “America night” at a football game in October 2018 during Cielo’s senior year, schoolmates in the student section unfurled a “Make America Great Again” flag. Led by the boy who wouldn’t sit beside Cielo, the teenagers began to chant: “Build — the — wall!” Horrified, she confronted the instigator. “You can’t be doing that,” Cielo told him. He ignored her, she recalled, and the teenagers around him booed her. A cheerleading coach was the lone adult who tried to make them stop. “I felt like I was personally attacked. And it wasn’t like they were attacking my character. They were attacking my ethnicity, and it’s not like I can do anything about that.”

— Cielo Castor

After a photo of the teenagers with the flag appeared on social media, news about what had happened infuriated many of the school’s Latinos, who made up about a quarter of the 1,700-member student body. Cielo, then 17, hoped school officials would address the tension. When they didn’t, she attended that Wednesday’s school board meeting. “I don’t feel cared for,” she told the members, crying. A day later, the superintendent consoled her and the principal asked how he could help, recalled Cielo, now a college freshman. Afterward, school staff members addressed every class, but Hispanic students were still so angry that they organized a walkout. Some students heckled the protesters, waving MAGA caps at them. At the end of the day, Cielo left the school with a white friend who’d attended the protest; they passed an underclassman she didn’t know. “Look,” the boy said, “it’s one of those f---ing Mexicans.” She heard that school administrators — who declined to be interviewed for this article — suspended the teenager who had led the chant, but she doubts he has changed. Reached on Instagram, the teenager refused to talk about what happened, writing in a message that he didn’t want to discuss the incident “because it is in the past and everyone has moved on from it.” At the end, he added a sign-off: “Trump 2020.”

President Trump’s rhetoric has been condemned as racist and xenophobic since his candidacy began in 2015. Here is what he’s said. (The Washington Post)

Just as the president has repeatedly targeted Latinos, so, too, have school bullies. Of the incidents The Post tallied, half targeted Hispanics.

In one of the most extreme cases of abuse, a 13-year-old in New Jersey told a Mexican American schoolmate, who was 12, that “all Mexicans should go back behind the wall.” A day later, on June 19, 2019, the 13-year-old assaulted the boy and his mother, Beronica Ruiz, punching him and beating her unconscious, said the family’s attorney, Daniel Santiago. He wonders to what extent Trump’s repeated vilification of certain minorities played a role.

More than 300 Trump-inspired harassment incidents reported by news outlets from 2016-2019

Anti-Hispanic: 45%

Anti-black: 23%

Anti-Semitic: 7%

Anti-Muslim: 8%

Anti-LGBT: 4%

Anti-Trump: 14%

Note: Some incidents targeted multiple groups and, in other cases, the ethnicity/gender/religion of the intended target was unclear. Figures may not precisely add up because of rounding.

“When the president goes on TV and is saying things like Mexicans are rapists, Mexicans are criminals — these children don’t have the cognitive ability to say, ‘He’s just playing the role of a politician,’ ” Santiago argued. “The language that he’s using matters.” Ruiz’s son, who is now seeing a therapist, continues to endure nightmares from an experience that may take years to overcome. But experts say that discriminatory language can, on its own, harm children, especially those of color who may already feel marginalized. “It causes grave damage, as much physical as psychological,” said Elsa Barajas, who has counseled more than 1,000 children in her job at the Los Angeles Department of Mental Health. As a result, she has seen Hispanic students suffer from sleeplessness, lose interest in school, and experience inexplicable stomach pain and headaches.

For Ashanty Bonilla, the damage began with the response to a single tweet she shared 10 months ago. “Unpopular opinion,” Ashanty, then 16 and a sophomore at Lewiston High School in rural Idaho, wrote on April 9. “People who support Trump and go to Mexico for vacation really piss me off. Sorry not sorry.” Some of Ashanty Bonilla’s classmates at Lewiston High in rural Idaho harassed her last April after she tweeted a comment critical of Trump supporters. (Rajah Bose/For The Washington Post) A schoolmate, who is white, took a screen shot of her tweet and posted it to Snapchat, along with a Confederate flag. “Unpopular opinion but: people that are from Mexico and come in to America illegally or at all really piss me off,” he added in a message that spread rapidly among students. The next morning, as Ashanty arrived at school, half a dozen boys, including the one who had written the message, stood nearby. “You’re illegal. Go back to Mexico,” she heard one of them say. “F--- Mexicans.” Ashanty, shaken but silent, walked past as a friend yelled at the boys to shut up. In a 33,000-person town that is 94 percent white, Ashanty, whose father is half-black and whose mother is Mexican American, had always worked to fit in. She attended every football game and won a school spirit award as a freshman. She straightened her hair and dyed it blond, hoping to look more like her friends. “It’s gotten way worse since Trump got elected. They hear it. They think it’s okay. The president says it. . . . Why can’t they?”

— Ashanty Bonilla

She had known those boys who’d heckled her since they were little. For her 15th birthday the year before, some had danced at her quinceañera. A friend drove her off campus for lunch, but when they pulled back into the parking lot, Ashanty spotted people standing around her car. A rope had been tied from the back of the Honda Pilot to a pickup truck. “Republican Trump 2020,” someone had written in the dust on her back window. Hands trembling, Ashanty tried to untie the rope but couldn’t. She heard the laughing, sensed the cellphone cameras pointed at her. She began to weep. Lewiston’s principal, Kevin Driskill, said he and his staff met with the boys they knew were involved, making clear that “we have zero tolerance for any kind of actions like that.” The incidents, he suspected, stemmed mostly from ignorance. “Our lack of diversity probably comes with a lack of understanding,” Driskill said, but he added that he’s encouraged by the school district’s recent creation of a community group — following racist incidents on other campuses — meant to address those issues. That effort came too late for Ashanty. Some friends supported her, but others told her the boys were just joking. Don’t ruin their lives. She seldom attended classes the last month of school. That summer, she started having migraines and panic attacks. In August, amid her spiraling despair, Ashanty swallowed 27 pills from a bottle of antidepressants. A helicopter rushed her to a hospital in Spokane, Wash., 100 miles away. After that, she began seeing a therapist and, along with the friend who defended her, transferred to another school. Sometimes, she imagines how different life might be had she never written that tweet, but Ashanty tries not to blame herself and has learned to take more pride in her heritage. She just wishes the president understood the harm his words inflict. Even Trump’s last name has become something of a slur to many children of color, whether they’ve heard it shouted at them in hallways or, in her case, seen it written on the back window of a car. “It means,” she said, “you don’t belong.”

Georgia Clark taught English at Amon Carter-Riverside High School in Fort Worth, where a student accused her of racism. (Allison V. Smith/For The Washington Post) Three weeks into the 2018-19 school year, Miracle Slover's English teacher, she alleges, ordered black and Hispanic students to sit in the back of the classroom at their Fort Worth high school. At the time, Miracle was a junior. Georgia Clark, her teacher at Amon Carter-Riverside, often brought up Trump, Miracle said. He was a good person, she told the class, because he wanted to build a wall. “Every day was something new with immigration,” said Miracle, now 18, who has a black mother and a mixed-race father. “That Trump needs to take [immigrants] away. They do drugs, they bring drugs over here. They cause violence.” Some students tried to film Clark, and others complained to administrators, but none of it made a difference, Miracle said. Clark, an employee of the Fort Worth system since 1998, kept talking. Clark, who denies the teenager’s allegations, is one of more than 30 educators across the country accused of using the president’s name or rhetoric to harass students since he announced his candidacy, the Post analysis found. In Clark’s class, Miracle stayed quiet until late spring 2019. That day, she walked in wearing her hair “puffy,” split into two high buns. Clark, she said, told her it looked “nappy, like Marge off ‘The Simpsons.’ ” Unable to smother an angry reply, Miracle landed in the principal’s office. An administrator asked her to write a witness statement, and in it, she finally let go, scrawling her frustration across seven pages. “I just got tired of it,” she said. “I wrote a ton.” Still, Miracle said, school officials took no action until six weeks later, when Clark, 69, tweeted at Trump — in what she thought were private messages — requesting help deporting undocumented immigrants in Fort Worth schools. The posts went viral, drawing national condemnation. Clark was fired. “Every day was something new with immigration. That Trump needs to take [immigrants] away. They do drugs, they bring drugs over here. They cause violence.”

— Miracle Slover, referring to Georgia Clark, her former English teacher

Not always, though, are offenders removed from the classroom. The day after the 2016 election, Donnie Jones Jr.’s daughter was walking down a hallway at her Florida high school when, she says, a teacher warned her and two friends — all sophomores, all black — that Trump would “send you back to Africa.” The district suspended the teacher for three days and transferred him to another school. Just a few days later in California, a physical education teacher told a student that he would be deported under Trump. Two years ago in Maine, a substitute teacher referenced the president’s wall and promised a Lebanese American student, “You’re getting kicked out of my country.” More than a year later in Texas, a school employee flashed a coin bearing the word “ICE” at a Hispanic student. “Trump,” he said, “is working on a law where he can deport you.” Sometimes, Jones said, he doesn’t recognize America. “People now will say stuff that a couple of years ago they would not dare say,” Jones argued. He fears what his two youngest children, ages 11 and 9, might hear in their school hallways, especially if Trump is reelected. Now a senior, Miracle doesn’t regret what she wrote about Clark. Although the furor that followed forced Miracle to switch schools and quit her beloved dance team, she would do it again, she said. Clark’s punishment, her public disgrace, was worth it. About a week before Miracle’s 18th birthday, her mother checked Facebook to find a flurry of notifications. Friends were messaging to say that Clark had appealed her firing, and that the Texas education commissioner had intervened. Reluctant to spoil the birthday, Jowona Powell waited several days to tell her daughter, who doesn’t use social media. Citing a minor misstep in the school board’s firing process, the commissioner had ordered Carter-Riverside to pay Clark one year’s salary — or give the former teacher her job back.

A snapshot of the harassment in 2019

In the three months after the president tweeted on July 14, 2019, that four minority congresswomen should "go back” to the countries they came from, more than a dozen incidents of Trump-related school bullying — including several that used his exact language — were reported in the press.

Mahtomedi High School & Como Park Senior High School

During a soccer game, students taunted a majority Asian-American team (which also included at least one Hispanic player) by telling them to go back to their countries and calling them "Asian food names."

Baldwin High School & Piper High School

During a volleyball game, students told black players on the court to go back to where they came from and made monkey noises at them.

Barack and Michelle Obama Ninth Grade Center

After a 14-year-old failed to address a staffer with "Yes, sir," the man showed the student a coin with "ICE" written on it and said, "Even though you are a citizen, Trump is working on a law where he can deport you, too, because of your mom’s status." The man later lost his job.

Everett Alvarez High School

In an apparent prank against a schoolmate, students created a fake Twitter account — which praised Adolf Hitler and Trump in its bio — and tweeted out racist remarks against a black high school coach.

Frontier High School

Students waving "Make America Great Again" flags disrupted a meeting of the school's Gay Straight Alliance, breaking up the gathering by shouting slurs before following the group's members to the parking lot.

Edward Little High School

Students yelled "Build the wall!" and "Ban Muslims!" as a 16-year-old Muslim girl walked through the hallways.

A 16-year-old student was arrested after posting on social media -- shortly after the deadly mass shootings in Dayton and El Paso — a photo of a pickup displaying a Trump flag, a Confederate flag and several guns. He captioned the post, "west harrison ain't ready for round 2."

Fans told one Hispanic player on the opposing team to “go back to your country” and called others “f---ing beaner” and "wetback" during a soccer game.

During a game in which a student was accused of using a racial slur againt a black player, fans also waved a Trump sign and chanted "America" when their team scored.

Cheerleaders from a largely white school held up a sign that read "Make America Great Again" and "Trump the Leopards" before a football game against a much more diverse school.

Before a football game, players ran through a banner reading "Make America Great Again Trump Those Patriots," triggering a backlash.

At least two minority students were bullied — in separate incidents — because the district allowed students to display a Trump banner at a high school football game, according to parents and school board members.

After students painted the school rock with rainbows to celebrate National Coming Out Day, someone painted over it with "Trump 2020," "MAGA 2020," "NRA" and an expletive. Later, two students — one black, one white — got into a fight about the issue.

During a soccer game, students taunted a majority Asian-American team (which also included at least one Hispanic player) by telling them to go back to their countries and calling them "Asian food names."

During a volleyball game, students told black players on the court to go back to where they came from and made monkey noises at them.

After a 14-year-old failed to address a staffer with "Yes, sir," the man showed the student a coin with "ICE" written on it and said, "Even though you are a citizen, Trump is working on a law where he can deport you, too, because of your mom’s status." The man later lost his job.

In an apparent prank against a schoolmate, students created a fake Twitter account — which praised Adolf Hitler and Trump in its bio — and tweeted out racist remarks against a black high school coach. Jordyn Covington stood when she heard the jeers. “Monkeys!” “You don’t belong here.” “Go back to where you came from!” From atop the bleachers that day in October, Jordyn, 15, could see her Piper High School volleyball teammates on the court in tears. The sobbing varsity players were all black, all from Kansas City, Kan., like her. Who was yelling? Jordyn wondered. She peered at the students in the opposing section. Most of them were white. “It was just sad,” said Jordyn, who plays for Piper’s junior varsity team. “And why? Why did it have to happen to us? We weren’t doing anything. We were simply playing volleyball.” Go back? To where? Jordyn, her friends and Piper’s nine black players were all born in the United States. “Just like everyone else,” Jordyn said. “Just like white people.” “It was just sad. And why? Why did it have to happen to us? We weren’t doing anything. We were simply playing volleyball.” The game, played at an overwhelmingly white rural high school, came three months after Trump tweeted that four minority congresswomen should “go back” to the “totally broken and crime infested places from which they came.” It was Jordyn’s first experience with racism, she said. But it was not the first time that fans at a school sports game had used the president to target students of color.

The Post found that players, parents or fans have used his name or words in at least 48 publicly reported cases, hurling hateful slogans at students competing in elementary, middle and high school games in 26 states. The venom has been shouted on football gridirons and soccer fields, on basketball and volleyball courts. Nearly 90 percent of incidents identified by The Post targeted players and fans of color, or teams fielded by schools with large minority populations. More than half focused on Hispanics.

In one of the earliest examples, students at a Wisconsin high school soccer game in April 2016 chanted “Trump, build a wall!” at black and Hispanic players. A few months later, students at a high school basketball game in Missouri turned their backs and hoisted a Trump/Pence campaign sign as the majority-black opposing team walked onto the court. In 2017, two high school girls in Alabama showed up at a football game pep rally with a sign reading “Put the Panic back in Hispanic” and a “Trump Make America Great Again” banner. In late 2017, two radio hosts announcing a high school basketball game in Iowa were caught on a hot mic describing Hispanic players as “español people.” “As Trump would say,” one broadcaster suggested, “go back where they came from.” Both announcers were fired. After the volleyball incident in Kansas, though, the fallout was more muted. The opposing school district, Baldwin City, commissioned an investigation and subsequently asserted that there was “no evidence” of racist jeers. Administrators from Piper’s school system dismissed that claim and countered with a statement supporting their students. An hour after the game, Jordyn fought to keep her eyes dry as she boarded the team bus home. When white players insisted that everything would be okay, she slipped in ear buds and selected “my mood playlist,” a collection of somber nighttime songs. She wiped her cheeks. Jordyn had long ago concluded that Trump didn’t want her — or “anyone who is just not white” — in the United States. But hearing other students shout it was different. Days later, her English teacher assigned an essay asking about “what’s right and what’s wrong.” At first, Jordyn thought she might write about the challenges transgender people face. Then she had another idea. “The students were making fun of us because we were different, like our hair and skin tone,” Jordyn wrote. “How are you gonna be mad at me and my friends for being black. . . . I love myself and so should all of you.” She read it aloud to the class. She finished, then looked up. Everyone began to applaud.

It's not just young Trump supporters who torment classmates because of who they are or what they believe. As one boy in North Carolina has come to understand, kids who oppose the president — kids like him — can be just as vicious. By Gavin Trump’s estimation, nearly everyone at his middle school in Chapel Hill comes from a Democratic family. So when the kids insist on calling him by his last name — even after he demands that they stop — the 13-year-old knows they want to provoke him, by trying to link the boy to the president they despise. In fifth grade, classmates would ask if he was related to the president, knowing he wasn’t. They would insinuate that Gavin agreed with the president on immigration and other polarizing issues. “They saw my last name as Trump, and we all hate Trump, so it was like, ‘We all hate you,’ ” he said. “I was like, ‘Why are you teasing me? I have no relationship to Trump at all. We just ended up with the same last name.’ ” Beyond kids like Gavin, the Post analysis also identified dozens of children across the country who were bullied, or even assaulted, because of their allegiance to the president. School staff members in at least 18 states, from Washington to West Virginia, have picked on students for wearing Trump gear or voicing support for him. Among teenagers, the confrontations have at times turned physical. A high school student in Northern California said that after she celebrated the 2016 election results on social media, a classmate accused her of hating Mexicans and attacked her, leaving the girl with a bloodied nose. Last February, a teenager at an Oklahoma high school was caught on video ripping a Trump sign out of a student’s hands and knocking a red MAGA cap off his head. And in the nation’s capital — where only 4 percent of voters cast ballots for Trump in 2016 — an outspoken conservative teenager said she had to leave her prestigious public school because she felt threatened. In a YouTube video, Jayne Zirkle, a high school senior, said that the trouble started when classmates at the School Without Walls discovered an online photo of her campaigning for Trump. She said students circulated the photo, harassed her online and called her a white supremacist. A D.C. school system official said they investigated the allegations and allowed Jayne to study from home to ensure she felt safe. “A lot of people who I thought were my best friends just all of a sudden totally turned their backs on me,” Jayne said. “People wouldn’t even look at me or talk to me.” For Gavin, the teasing began in fourth grade, soon after Trump announced his candidacy. After more than a year of schoolyard taunts, Gavin decided to go by his mother’s last name, Mather, when he started middle school. The teenager has been proactive, requesting that teachers call him by the new name, but it gets trickier, and more stressful, when substitutes fill in. He didn’t legally change his last name, so “Trump” still appears on the roster. The teasing has subsided, but the switch wasn’t easy. Gavin likes his real last name and feared that changing it would hurt his father’s feelings. His dad understood, but for Gavin, the guilt remains. “This is my name,” he said. “And I am abandoning my name.”

Maritza Avalos knows what's coming. It's 2020. The next presidential election is nine months away. She remembers what happened during the last one, when she was just 11. “Pack your bags,” kids told her. “You get a free trip to Mexico.” She’s now a freshman at Kamiakin High, the same Washington state school where her older sister, Cielo, confronted the teenagers who chanted “Build the wall” at a football game in late 2018. Maritza, 14, assumes the taunts that accompanied Trump’s last campaign will intensify with this one, too. “I try not to think about it,” she said, but for educators nationwide, the ongoing threat of politically charged harassment has been impossible to ignore. In response, schools have canceled mock elections, banned political gear, trained teachers, increased security, formed student-led mediation groups and created committees to develop anti-discrimination policies.

In California, the staff at Riverside Polytechnic High School has been preparing for this year’s presidential election since the day after the last one. On Nov. 9, 2016, counselors held a workshop in the library for students to share their feelings. Trump supporters feared they would be singled out for their beliefs, while girls who had heard the president brag about sexually assaulting women worried that boys would be emboldened to do the same to them. “We treated it almost like a crisis,” said Yuri Nava, a counselor who has since helped expand a student club devoted to improving the school’s culture and climate. Riverside, which is 60 percent Hispanic, also offers three courses — African American, Chicano and ethnic studies — meant to help students better understand one another, Nava said. And instead of punishing students when they use race or politics to bully, counselors first try to bring them together with their victims to talk through what happened. Often, they leave as friends.

In Gambrills, Md., Arundel High School has taken a similar approach. Even before a student was caught scribbling the n-word in his notebook in early 2017, Gina Davenport, the principal, worried about the effect of the election’s rhetoric. At the school, where about half of the 2,200 students are minorities, she heard their concerns every day. But the racist slur, discovered the same month as Trump’s inauguration, led to a concrete response. A “Global Community Citizenship” class, now mandatory for all freshmen in the district, pushes students to explore their differences. A recent lesson delved into Trump’s use of Twitter. “The focus wasn’t Donald Trump, the focus was listening: How do we convey our ideas in order for someone to listen?” Davenport said. “We teach that we can disagree with each other without walking away being enemies — which we don’t see play out in the press, or in today’s political debates.”

Since the class debuted in fall 2017, disciplinary referrals for disruption and disrespect have decreased by 25 percent each school year, Davenport said. Membership in the school’s speech and debate team has doubled. The course has eased Davenport’s anxiety heading into the next election. She doesn’t expect an uptick in racist bullying. “Civil conversation,” she said. “The kids know what that means now.” Many schools haven’t made such progress, and on those campuses, students are bracing for more abuse. Maritza’s sister, Cielo, told her to stand up for herself if classmates use Trump’s words to harass her, but Maritza is quieter than her sibling. The freshman doesn’t like confrontation. She knows, though, that eventually someone will say something — about the wall, maybe, or about how kids who look like her don’t belong in this country — and when that day comes, the girl hopes that she’ll be strong.

[arielleyoga-blog1]

What’s Arbonne?

Over a month ago, I received a box in the mail from a company called Arbonne. It was a box i ordered for a 30 day detox that my friend, and inspiration, Danielle was going to coach me through. It was from a brand I had seen twice before in my lifetime. The first time was when I was a nanny, I saw the teas and proteins and because the mom is so aware of wellness I instantly assumed it was some fancy high-end amazing line that I could never afford so I did no asking or looking. the second time was when my now mother in law lost 10lbs: she said it was through an Arbonne challenge at her gym. And that’s it: I never inquired more, never though about it more.

Then Danielle wouldn’t shut up about it. To be fully transparent with you guys; I was getting annoyed. I couldn’t believe how MUCH SHE TALKED ABOUT ARBONNE! BUT, I kept watching: watching her talk about how amazing she felt, watching her clients lose weight and say they felt amazing, watching her post about the income she was getting in her account for helping people, and I kept watching. And she kept asking WHY NOT YOU?

So after 4 months I finally said “Fuck it!” And signed up to help her get a Mercedes bought for her by Arbonne. I thought if I could get rid of my headaches and lose some weight why not? I’d get my money back if it didn’t work after all. And I’d be helping a person I love and admire earn a living and get a car. Who wouldn’t want to help a friend earn money and get a car?!

Less than two weeks into my detox, I joined the business. I joined Arbonne because what it does is everything I seek to do in my life: TO HELP PEOPLE FEEL GOOD AND LIVE A LIFE THAT FEELS GOOD AS NATURALLY AS POSSIBLE! I use organic, non toxic, vegan practically everything in my home. I am always looking for the best hair care, skin care, cleaning products etc. People ask me often about what I love. So...why not work with a brand that is all of those amazing things, and instead of letting Amazon make money...make the money myself? Why not share products that I use DAILY and have TRULY taken my life and lifted it up to another level? WHY NOT ME?

I’m almost done with my detox, and I have truly never felt more energized and joyful in every moment as I have these last three weeks. My body has changed, I have lost inches...but what’s more important to me is how I wake up AWAKE and HAPPY. How I sleep soundly. How I can focus completely on my clients and students and be truly HERE TO SEE AND HEAR other’s in a way I only dreamt of before, but was too burnt out to do regularly. 

Just as i was starting my detox, an Instagram QUEEN I follow Heather McMahan posted a video about a podcast with Theo Von and Dr. Perlmutter covering his book THE GRAIN BRAIN. She had just been in Italy and kept saying how she could eat all the carbs all day and feel fine, but the moment she came back to the US, one piece of bread felt like a ton of bricks. I’ve heard this before from people, and I tell my husband all the time that they way America processes it’s food is NOT to make us well, but to make us sick. Because a sick person results in A LOT OF MONEY for big pharma...and big pharma and our government spoon HARD. This podcast was SO eye opening as to just how much of our health is reliant upon our gut. Everywhere I turned I kept hearing about our gut! People say the first cell that we are created from when we are in utero is our gut: and that cell eventually becomes our brain. Our gut is also known to have it’s own brain. Guys, it’s truly amazing and I will just say READ THAT BOOK, or get the audio book, or just look it up: look up how your gut health affects inflammation in your body and how that affects auto-immune disorders just as much as joint pain. 

So, as I was experiencing this amazing surge of life going through this program, as I was learning more in depth about the benefits of the program, I continued to explore the product line and it’s integrity and fell deeper in love.

Danielle got her Mercedes Benz y'all. She gets to drive to teach soul cycle classes, drive to pick her son up from preschool in a gorgeous car she does not have to pay for. And why? Because she helps people like me FEEL GOOD.

Can you blame me for wanting in, too?  One of the things they talk about when you join Arbonne is your WHY. And part of that reason is because of the reaction you’re going to get from people. People that have never tried the products, have never looked at the company, but think they already know... and proceed to tell you you’re a scam artist. Luckily for Arbonne, I’m an actress. So while the word “no,” can disappoint me and sometimes hurt my feelings, it doesn’t stop me. In Hollywood, every thousand no’s or so gets you a yes. And boo, THOSE YES’S FEEL SO GOOD!

As I was sitting here eating my lunch, looking back on how fast and how amazing this detox has been, I thought about my why and I decided I should share it with you. Because any time you sign up to do the detox with me, or buy a box of our collagen builder with hyralonic acid. Any time you tell your mom to do the detox with you, or buy our RE9 no-tox botanically based SPF. Anytime you go to my Arbonne mall and order something, you are getting me closer and closer to my WHY.

My big why is very well known: I truly believe I was put on this earth to make it a better place. Whether my acting helps a person escape a moment and FEEL something, or my yoga class enables a person to heal from pain, or my pug brings a smile to a person’s face, even my children I feel will be a part of my purpose of making this world better. Raising sweet little hippies that pick up liter like their mom and turn off the water while brushing their teeth and smile at strangers. I love helping people. I love making people feel loved and supported and seen and heard. That’s why I love teaching yoga so much. That’s why almost every job I have had has consisted of me HELPING a person. And Arbonne can allow me to do that on a much LARGER scale. Through this crazy thing called the internet, I have the ability to help THOUSANDS of people find these products and feel better. To connect with them, get to know them, love them and support them and not be confined by the zip code of the studio I teach in. I can help people make sure the skin care they’re putting on their children is SAFE. I can give people what they need to remove the inflammation from their body and fuel themselves organically. 

I am building my Arbonne empire so I don’t have to set an alarm in the mornings and put over 50 miles a day on my car. So I can spend two days a week volunteering at animal shelters and rescues helping give love to animals in need. I am building my Arbonne empire so I can get my husband and I closer to being able to purchase a home, that has enough space to foster those emergency shelter cases without worrying about the safety of that animal or my sweet but aggressive dog. I am building my Arbonne empire so I can buy my mom a house of her own. I am building my Abonne empire because I want to be able to work when I WANT to work when we get pregnant, and take as much time off with my children after as I need. Returning to teach because I MISS IT, and not because I am stressed about finances. I am building my Arbonne empire so we can visit our friends and family in Ohio for more than just Christmas. I am building my Arbonne empire so if I get sick: I can take time off with out stressing out. And that already happened! My nephew gave me the flu, and I took an extra day off to be safe without any stress because of the deposit Arbonne made into my account one week after starting my business. 

I want to build my Arbonne empire because just like I tell my students: I deserve to live a life that feels good. And I will be able to do ALL of those things above, and still be helping hundreds of people a month from my home with my rescue dogs that I’m fostering, from my mother in law’s house in Ohio, while I’m resting in my fourth trimester and nursing my baby. THESE ARE MY WHY’S! 

Arbonne products TRULY make me feel better than I have ever felt before! I didn’t even know I could feel this good all of the time, truly. How would I? Even as a super health-conscious yoga teacher in LA: I still had inflammation in my body. And now that it has lifted, I never will go back to life before Arbonne.  This detox was such an amazing experience: I cannot sing it’s praises enough. My energy is boundless, my head doesn't ache, and while I didn’t need to: the inches I lost look good else where. I will use Arbonne in my home, in my body, and on my skin every single day for the rest of my life. It’s not my “Why” that’s keeping me going...it’s how good I feel. But maybe my WHY will get you to ask yourself “WHY NOT ME?” 

ps: CLICK here to go to my Arbonne mall. 

[phantombrushy]

Please ignore me if I'm off base, but if I'm reading this right, your mom came into your room in the middle of the night to ban you from doing something that makes you happy because you were fighting through a depressive episode? They cut you off from part of your treatment because you were showing symptoms that they exacerbated in the first place? Because if that's the case, then I am so, so sorry. You seem like a nice person, and you deserve to be able to do what makes you happy.

Hey, nonnie.

You’re not entirely off-base, and it’s partially because I’m bad at articulating what I want to say because I overthink what I write and say a lot. It’s comforting to know that everyone is being supportive about this, so thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me and I feel better knowing such kind-hearted people care

I’m going to go into more detail about what happened to clear things up, and if reading stuff like this distresses you, please don’t continue. It doesn’t help that I don’t talk about this much, so this is long (5-6 paragraphs) because I’m pretty much unloading, and it’s probably not pleasant to read.

TL;DR - My mother burst into my room a couple of weeks ago, not yesterday morning. That’s my mistake because I’m not always the best writer and didn’t make that clear yesterday. And while I never thought about my art being like a treatment, you’re right. 

When I said that my mother came into my room at two in the morning, I meant to say that she had done that a couple of weeks ago, when she found out my room was a mess. She does this a lot when she gets into a fight with my dad: she’ll fight with him and then come up the stairs to see if my room is up to her standards. Since it never is, she comes in and throws some things around, yells at me and threatens to throw everything I own away, then leaves so that I can spend the rest of the early hours cleaning up. 

I knew what was going to happen the moment she started up the stairs because since she’s done this a few times already, the moment someone sets foot on our creaky staircase I go on high alert. Even if I’m in a deep sleep, because I don’t want to be woken up to someone screaming in my face again. So I resigned myself to what was happening. Sure enough, she did what she normally does and then left with an ‘I’m going to take your tablet away after you finish your commissions’. I didn’t necessarily take her seriously, because she’s made threats like that before and never followed through. I also paid for that tablet with money that I made through commissions, and even though she likes to say that doesn’t matter and that nothing in this house is actually mine, I sometimes like to think that my mother respects the fact that I earned that tablet on my own. 

Anyway, right before I made that post yesterday she asked me about the final commission I have left to finish. I said I had started but hadn’t finished it. So she got aggressive with me and said that I shouldn’t be drawing anything else because, and I quote, “You’re banned from drawing anything else.” Ignoring the fact that, earlier, I told her I was writing and doing homework all day. The fact that she’s brought this up again tells me she’s being serious, so after this next commission (and hopefully a zine piece that I’ve already committed to, if not, I have to tell them I have to remove myself from the project), I have to relinquish my tablet to her and stop drawing entirely. Which… makes me nervous about my concept art class, since we’re starting the digital part soon. I’m still going to try and keep my tablet, but who knows.

To be fair to my parents, I never let them know when I’m not doing great. It’s partly because they belittle me and partly because I don’t always like to admit I’m having trouble. What they do know, however, is that my art, my writing, and my social media helps me a lot when I get like this. I get to separate myself from the real world for a bit and have a little bit more control over my life. 

It hasn’t stopped them from taking those things away on occasion, however (like that one time they forced me to delete my old Tumblr and Instagram and took my phone because I made an online friend and then screamed at me in a crowded airport about it, threatening to leave me behind in another country because of that. Or when my mom made me throw my art out into our outdoor trash bin which is filthy and wet most of the time, and thus ruined it all and made them irretrievable when she said I could have them back days later). Now that I think about it, it’s been traumatising every single time. So, you’re right, my art is, in a way, my treatment. And it sucks that it’s getting taken away again.

But all I can do right now is try to fight it, and if I can’t, then just grin and bear it for the time being. But you guys have already been such a great help, and every message I’ve received has been tremendous. Support and understanding is all I can ask for right now, and I’ve already gotten more than I was expecting. So thank you so much.

[sexydeathparty]

Artist Tracey Emin Rages At Partygate 'Lies' As She Tries To Remove Her Art From No.10

Tracey Emin is attempting to get her art removed from 10 Downing Street following all of the ‘partygate’ revelations which have plagued the government in recent weeks.

The renowned artist told BBC Radio 4′s Woman’s Hour that she now wants her neon art piece which reads ‘more passion’ to be taken down, as allegations that the government was hosting social gatherings throughout the Covid lockdowns continue to pile up.

“Neon is notoriously for a party atmosphere – you have them in fun fairs, casinos, bars, or whatever,” Emin said.

“I really do not feel No.10 need any encouragement on this level.”

Presenter Emma Barnett asked: “So [you want it] removed from display with the news that’s going on around the parties?”

Emin replied: “Not just that – their behaviour is pretty shameful.

“People are really genuinely upset about this. It’s not about a political thing, it’s about a moral, ethical thing.

“People had to watch their loved ones be buried on their telephones, right?”

She added: “It makes no sense, it’s just so disrespectful.”

The artist also claimed that the current government need “more compassion” not more “passion”, adding: “They don’t need more party atmospheres – most of us are obeying the rules in every single way because this pandemic has affected everybody so terribly, whether it’s financially, whether it’s healthwise, whatever.”

Responding to claims that No.10 staff deserved it because of the stress of the pandemic, she replied: “If they wanted to let off steam and have a few drinks – so did other people.

“I’ve got a reputation for being a party girl anyway, but in this situation the answer is ‘no’ – you set an example, and you live by that example.”

Touching on the prime minister’s repeated claim that no parties were ever held in No.10 a few weeks ago, Emin said: “The worse thing is that they lied. They lied.

“So that means people can’t trust.”

“They didn’t put their hands up and say they were under stress”, she claimed, because they “just thought they were going to get away with it”.

Emin donated the artwork to the government’s collection before Johnson became prime minister.

She explained that this means it is available for any government “for time in memorial”.

“The reason my work is hanging there is when you have a new prime minister, the prime minister chooses art from the government’s art collection, and David Cameron chose a piece of my work.

“I have to be honest, I’m quite proud of that because dignitaries, all kinds of people go to 10 Downing Street – and at the time I thought, ‘wow, that’s making Britain look kind of cool and on a different level in terms of contemporary art.’”

She then claimed that Cameron’s cabinet had a different approach when compared to the current government, as they, according to Emin, “don’t value culture” and “art makes people feel good”.

The artist explained: “I don’t want the work back, because I donated it. I would simply like for it to be taken down.”

 She admitted that she actually does not have the control to get it taken down, adding: “I know for a fact that Boris Johnson likes it hanging there.

“Because he told me.”

Barnett asked: “Are you able to make this request to the prime minister?”

The artist said, “I have a feeling my voice is very loud and clear” already, due to the strong response to her Instagram post although she said she has not heard back from No.10 yet.

Related...

Cabinet Minister Admits Partygate Has 'Damaged Our Democracy'

Boris Johnson Is 'Not Going Anywhere', Says Sajid Javid

Angela Rayner Waves Goodbye To Boris Johnson In Very Subtle Commons' Snub

from HuffPost UK - Athena2 - All Entries (Public) https://ift.tt/3rxhCGl via IFTTT

[abuziewicz]

my media use

At noon on Thursday, October 29th, I woke up. I had about two hours until I had to pick my sister up from school. I took a shower, got dressed, and went downstairs. By this point, it was around 12:30pm. I ate a bowl of cereal, picked up my phone, and laid down on the couch. When I get on my phone for the first time in a day, I check my emails and text messages first. I have emails from Venmo, Word of the Day, Postmates, and Holt International. Venmo let me know I had signed in to the app. Word of the Day gave me a fun new term: “subitaneous,” which can mean “suddenly.” I occasionally deliver food with Postmates, so they let me know what benefits they offer, such as store or entertainment discounts. Holt International is a Christian company that finds kids who are missing parents or struggling financially, and connects them with volunteers who sponsor them by sending a monthly fee over, to help them cover expenses. My parents have sponsored kids for years, and when I got my own source of income, they chose a girl in India for me to sponsor as well. Holt International sends me various promotional emails. I check my email to see if there are any coupons, or information that I need, such as paychecks. Mostly my email revolves around money, when I think about it. Sometimes I feel stressed out when I check my email, because my bank will tell me how much money I have, or I will read a subject line wrong and think I’m in trouble with a company. Usually, I just feel a sense of necessity, to see what I’m being emailed about, and to delete the emails I do not need. 

After I check my emails, I check my text messages. Most mornings this sequence is flipped, as messages are much more important in my world than emails are. However, this morning, the only text in my phone is a confirmation request for my wisdom teeth removal appointment in a week. I respond “Y” to confirm. I am a little nervous about the appointment, but I am glad it will happen so soon. 

It is now 1pm. On Monday, I had taken my one-year-old 16GB LG smartphone and factory reset it in the hopes of getting more storage and faster processing time. Unfortunately, this did not work out as well as I had hoped. While I did have more space, the “system” (undeletable, inaccessible parts of the phone) took up 9GB of my available 16, and would only increase, even after a full wipe. I click on Snapchat, take a quick close-up picture of my face, and begin to type. Any story posted to Snapchat will only last 24 hours before disappearing. There is an option for the poster to have story posts saved into their Memories, a camera roll just for Snapchat. I have a private Snapchat story, in which I control the amount of people who see what I specifically post in that area. In this story, I have about 30-33 viewers. I ask such viewers, over top of the close-up selfie, “Anyone with Apple iPhones: what is your storage like? I am thinking of converting.” After it successfully adds to my story, I am on the Snapchat “Chat” screen. I have “streaks” (numbers that indicate the number of days two people have sent each other Snaps back and forth for) with eleven people. I send, one by one, a different picture to each of the eleven people. When I first downloaded Snapchat, I had over two dozen, maybe even three dozen streaks. Some people have hundreds. Often, people take one single picture, indicate in some way that the image is being sent to maintain the Streak number, and send it to everyone they keep a streak with. I have eleven people I send streaks to. It is no great hassle for me to send a different picture to each person. In fact, I prefer it, as it takes up more time. Most people take a little while to respond anyways. I dislike when people respond to my Snapchats within seconds, it is stressful to me! “Don’t you have anything else going on?” I wonder. “I understand that it’s a pandemic, but do some homework or something. I only snapped you twenty seconds ago.” Once I have sent all of my streaks for the day, I scroll over to see what other people have put on their stories. I usually only have around 50 stories to go through each day. I pay a little more attention to some, a little less attention to others. It is pretty easy to skip quickly from one story to the next if I want, but it’s only 1:20, so I have time to look at each one. There are Friday fundraisers, one of my sister’s friends had an emergency appendectomy (thankfully she was fine, and excited to watch Impractical Jokers in the hospital), some people had work pictures or puppies in beds. Most of the stories make me smile, a few don’t elicit much of a response or thought besides “oh, that’s nice.” Usually Snapchat does not bring me negativity that I am aware of. Sometimes I worry for people, in the event of, oh, a hypothetical emergency appendectomy, or when someone is sad or worried. One person makes me frustrated sometimes, as they routinely ask people for money for rent and food, then use that money to get tattoos. They tell people they used their money to get a tattoo, not food or rent. Lately they have not posted any requests, but the next time they do, I will most likely block them. Mostly, I am happy to use Snapchat to see what my friends are up to, even if I can’t see them very often.

After scrolling through Snapchat, it’s around 1:40. I open the Instagram app. I talk to a few friends through Instagram direct messaging. I am actually not sure why that is our main form of communication, but I do not mind it. My friend Russell has answered my Snapchat story through Instagram. He has an older iPhone, but as long as he doesn’t update it, it doesn’t get any slower. We discuss other aspects of the iPhone. I am thoughtful about it. Another friend and I get into a small argument- we have both been busy, and were worried that we were growing apart. I am slightly annoyed, then understanding and calm. A group chat I am in, called The Rats, is sending pictures of baby opossums. They are adorable and their mouths open at a full 45-degree angle. The possums make me smile. Returning to the Instagram home page, I can see posts made by people I follow. I like nearly every post I see as I scroll down. Mostly I follow people I know, and a few brands. It takes only a minute or two to like everything and return to the top of the page. Similar to Snapchat, I take care of business, then move on to stories. I pay very little attention to Instagram stories. Even though I don’t follow a lot of brands, some of the people I follow post dozens of stories in a row. I have to click through them rapidly. Sometimes it makes me feel anxious to move so quickly. Usually, if someone repeatedly posts too much, I “mute” them, which means I do not have to see their story anymore unless I actively choose to. Sometimes, I forget, and am left tapping tensely through the tags. As I finish going through stories, my mom walks in the door. It’s 1:50pm.

My sister goes to a technical school 15 minutes away. She has to be picked up around 2:15pm. My mom puts down some bags from errands she’s run, grabs some water, and asks if my brother and I want to join her to pick up my sister. My brother is in the middle of an XBox match, but the dog and I love car rides, and joyfully accompany her. She asks me to turn on my Halloween playlist as we drive. Around 1:55pm, I connect to the car’s aux cord, and pull up Spotify. As we drive, I fiddle with the Spotify songs- even though I made the playlist, there are some songs I prefer to hear over others. I also occasionally respond to messages about iPhone storage. Each one convinces me a little more, bit by bit. I am on my phone for about seven of the fifteen minutes that we drive to the school. As we wait in the parking lot, I text a little more. We were in the parking lot for about fifteen minutes- my sister forgot her iPad in her classroom and had to go back for it. I am on my phone for about nine of those fifteen minutes. When my sister gets back again, we head towards home. Beggar’s Night is going on at 6pm. It is around 2:30pm. My sister and I are going to dress up as Dipper and Mabel from Gravity Falls for when we ladle out candy. My sister and the dog are dropped off at home so that she can finish her costume and he can run around the backyard. My mom and I go to Walmart to pick up candy. We do not usually allow ourselves to pick up candy until very shortly before Beggar’s Night, as we will eat it. Even less than four hours was not enough time to exercise self-control, as each member of the family stole a few pieces. I am not on my phone for most of the Walmart trip. We are only there for around twenty minutes, weighing the prices and candy amounts of each package. After paying and driving home, we get in the door around 3pm.

I get on my laptop to check my CState email and Blackboard. I have no due assignments for the night, but I check to make sure I haven’t forgotten something. This takes around five minutes. I begin to finish my Dipper costume (painting a white ball cap partially blue), periodically answering more iPhone suggestions, and responding to regular messages. The hours of 3pm, 4pm, and 5pm consist of texting, painting, and briefly eating. I spend about one & a half of the three hours texting. I can’t easily text while I paint, but I perform both tasks alternatively while I wait for the paint to dry or people to respond. When it hits 6pm, we are ready for Beggar’s Night. We have masks on, a long ladle to scoop candy into bags, and cover from the garage to protect us from rain. Over the course of the two hours, we only get about a dozen kids, maybe fifteen at the most. My mom scoops generously, since she knows anything left over won’t last until 9pm under our roof. People are grateful and talkative. I am on my phone only once during Trick or Treat, and only for five minutes, to upload a Snaochat story of my sister and I as Dipper and Mabel, and of course, send a couple of texts. After Trick or Treat is finished, we are all cold, and left with about 10 of the 255 candy pieces. We settle down in front of the TV.

It is now around 8pm. We watch TV together nearly every night as a family, usually for at least an hour. In celebration of October and Halloween, we have started to rewatch Stranger Things. Other shows we may watch include New Girl, My Name is Earl, Bob’s Burgers, The Good Place, and The Legend of Korra. Sometimes we’ll throw in a movie if we have enough time. Usually we watch three or four episodes per night- one episode from one show, then moving on to one episode of a different show. I love all of these shows fairly equally, though I can confidently say The Legend of Korra is my least favorite. I still enjoy it! In comparison, though, I enjoy it less than the others. We watch shows that usually include comedy, to end our days with a collective laugh. Tonight, we watch New Girl, then Stranger Things, followed by My Name is Earl and tying up the night with Bob’s Burgers. We only have two episodes left of The Good Place, so we have been putting off watching it. I am mostly finished texting for the day. Before 10pm, I send goodnight messages and plug my phone in to charge. The end credits of Bob’s Burgers mark the end of my day.

[easyfoodnetwork]

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Freezer

hutchyb for Getty Images/iStockphoto

There’s a technique — even a flair — to freezing food successfully

My mother is what you might call a culinary cryogenicist. Long before the crew at the Noma Food Lab grew their first flavor spore, my mom was experimenting with the effects of age and temperature on all kinds of foodstuffs: the last two bites of some mac and cheese. Four shrimp. One-third of a pork chop. Three matzo balls. Half a bag of green beans tied shut with a trash bag twist-tie. An old joint. Eight slices of rye bread. Raisins. So. Much. Ham. And that’s just the first shelf of the freezer.

It was a talent she inherited. Her own mother was a master of the freezer arts, best exemplified by the very same “tray of frozen shrimp” offered to us on every grandparent visit for more than two decades; it became a running family joke. As a member of the next generation, however, my family’s faith in the preservation power of cold turned me into a devoted freezer snob. For most of my adult life, my freezer has remained a sacred space reserved for only the most cold-hardy ingredients — ice cream, popsicles, those giant cocktail ice spheres, and maybe the occasional box of toaster waffles or bag of frozen peas. Meat? God no. Fish? Please, back away and leave quietly.

In my mind, freezing things ruined their precious molecular integrity by turning them into rock-hard cubes. Meat is normally prized for its “freshness.” In the fields, crops are carefully covered to prevent freezing, so why put them under such duress in your own home? Having kids a few years ago loosened me up a bit — show me one child-rearing American household a without a frozen bag of dinosaur-shaped chicken blobs lurking somewhere. But overall, for the better part of the last decade, my freezer has remained as sleek and food-free as an after-hours Apple Store.

But when COVID-19 hit I admittedly went into full hoarder mode. My diet, like my fashion, is dictated by my mood (it’s also why I’m a chronic over-packer). With annual memberships to Instacart, Amazon Fresh, and a handful of specialty grocers down the street, I’d become accustomed to getting all the ingredients to sate any craving within an hour of it hitting. Maintaining that level of spontaneity in the time of supermarket lines and impossible delivery queues meant stocking up in ways I’d never fathomed before.

Even with a family of four eating three-plus meals a day, the kind of inventory I was sporting needed to be able to hang out a while. And so, it was with deep reservations that I finally began freezing things — though the real miracle didn’t occur until I began un-freezing them.

First I tried a pork tenderloin, one of three I had purchased at Costco a few weeks earlier. Following the advice of the pros, I took it out of the freezer and put it in my fridge overnight, cooked it as usual, and it was… fine. Good, even. Next I tried salmon — I’ve had terrible experiences with frozen seafood in the past, so my hopes were low for the three rosy-pink portions I defrosted and broiled. But again, the resulting fish was surprisingly moist, fatty, firm, delicious.

After that I started throwing everything in the freezer just to see: ground turkey, chicken thighs. All were fine. Then I moved into pizza dough, shredded cheese, blanched vegetables; then on to chili, tortillas, pancakes, whole loaves of bread, coffee (while dry coffee beans won’t technically “go bad,” their flavor and aroma suffer over time). Pretty much every single thing I froze — and later unfroze — emerged as relatively unharmed and tasty as the day I bought it. (Notable exceptions included skim milk and some poorly wrapped steaks, and it took some serious trial and error with fresh greens.)

Now, as we go into week five… or six? of “safer at home” measures, my freezer has transformed from a sterile ice-storage facility to a clutch partner in culinary crime. Today the once-barren shelves are buckling beneath the weight of dated and labeled baggies and bins with enough perfectly preserved food to more than bridge the gap between bi-weekly produce box deliveries and masked-up grocery runs.

But as it turns out, my mom and grandmother were, in fact, artists — there is a technique, even a flair to freezing food successfully. Wrap something improperly or defrost incorrectly and you might not just risk the integrity of your ingredients, but also your health. So after a month or so of embracing my familial fate and becoming a frozen food convert, here are a few lessons I’ve learned:

The Container Matters

I know, plastic is the enemy, but those fancy glass containers can crack in the freezer. According to the experts, the best way to freeze food is in a vacuum-seal bag that you suction yourself with one of those fancy machines to minimize air (air is your enemy in the great freezer wars). I don’t have one of those — though I’ve been eyeing this one on Amazon — so I use regular old freezer-grade zipper bags and press out as much air as possible before sealing. There’s also a trick where you mimic a vacuum sealer with a drinking straw, slipping it in the corner of the bag and sucking out as much air as you can before pulling the straw out at the last minute, but I felt weird inhaling all those funky meat fumes. My Instagram feed has been full of ads for these pricey silicone bags that I hear work well but I’ve yet to give them a test run.

Either way, you’re going for minimal air exposure and some thickness barrier — a little cushion between your food and the freezer air will help prevent that dreaded freezer burn, a damaging mix of oxidation and dehydration.

Prep Is Key

For meat and fish, you generally want to remove them from their original packaging and re-wrap in individual portions before freezing. Wrapping each cut in an extra layer of plastic before putting them in the zipper bag adds another degree of protection. Timing is key here. Freeze cuts of meat immediately after you get them home, or better yet, buy them pre-frozen. There are entire industries built around freezing fish in a way that sacrifices the least in the way of flavor and texture, so trust the pros — they know what they’re doing.

Vegetables, for the most part, should be quickly blanched before freezing. The drag here is that in the process of blanching, they absorb too much water to get any sort of good roasty char later, but it’s a small price to pay for having quality seasonal produce year-round. Before you blanch, prep the ingredients the way you plan to eat them, meaning separating broccoli and cauliflower into florets, snapping the ends off green beans, and chopping greens. Then boil a big pot of water and dunk the vegetables in for about a minute before plunging immediately into a big bowl of icy water. This will keep them from continuing to cook and turning to mush. The next part is key: Dry everything as best you can. The more water, the thicker the tectonic ice coating you’ll get on every piece. Then put everything into baggies and freeze.

Fruit freezing techniques vary — it all depends what you want to use them for. No amount of freezer skill will recreate the experience of biting into a fresh peach after it’s been frozen. But for smoothies, pie fillings, baking, or juice, most fruit will freeze just fine. Bananas freeze great, peel and all. Berries you’ll want to rinse, dry, then let freeze on a large flat surface like a cookie sheet before transferring to bags. If you want to use citrus just for zest or juice, go ahead and freeze them whole. They say you can freeze citrus in wedges individually, but I found the texture suffers greatly after defrosting, and honestly I can’t imagine what you’d want to use floppy, deflated tangerine wedges for. Juice is no problem — just squeeze, put the juice into an ice cube mold and freeze. You can pop them out later and transfer to a plastic bag for easier storage.

The above ice-cube tray technique works well for all kinds of liquids and purees. I actually bought these cool molds to freeze baby food for my second kid, and I use them now for smaller portions of stocks, lemon juice, pesto, pizza sauce. For larger batches, I pour a couple of cups into a zipper bag, get out as much air as possible, and freeze them flat so I can stack them later.

Breads freeze fantastically, but as a rule pre-sliced is best. I started buying giant loaves of my favorite rye bread from the farmers market and keep them in the freezer full-time, toasting off individual slices as needed; my mom perfected a technique with bagels that involves slicing them as soon as you get them home, wrapping each half separately, and then toasting them direct from the freezer. Pre-cooked tortillas and pita you can just wrap, freeze, and cook off one by one, but my most exciting recent discovery has been in the realm of pre-baked goods. It turns out most doughs recover well after freezing, and I just made a batch of biscuits using this technique that has you freezing the raw, cut biscuits ahead of time and baking them off as needed. It’s opened up a whole new world of frozen pastry projects for me.

I’m sure there’s some technique to freezing cheese but honestly I just put whole hunks and bags of the pre-shredded stuff straight into the freezer. I don’t really freeze milk but the wisdom is that the more fat content, the better it freezes, so half-and-half freezes great, skim milk not so much. Coffee I found out you can freeze and brew straight from frozen, which is excellent considering it is an absolute nonnegotiable in my house.

*If you’re curious about any other ingredient, there are countless guides to freezing food online that will steer you in the right direction.

Don’t Rush the Defrost

(Even Though Sometimes I Do, But It’s Really Risky, Okay?)

The basic rule of thumb for pretty much everything is low and slow. Put whatever you want to defrost in the refrigerator the night before you want to cook it — sometimes longer for big cuts of meat — and let it come to temperature gradually. I do this... most times. But there is a reason your microwave has a “defrost” setting, and it will definitely speed things along if also putting you at risk of prematurely cooking the edges of your chicken breast. I’ve successfully defrosted smaller cuts of fish and shrimp by running the bags under cold water in the sink for a few minutes until soft enough to handle, but this is not officially endorsed by the pros. What you’re definitely not supposed to do is let your ingredients hang out at room temp until they defrost. I have done this too, though it is a surefire recipe for a bacterial infection and this is not the time you want to be running to the ER for dehydration.

The point is, the freezer might be cold and dark, but it is not at all a thing to fear. Utilizing it well has helped me maintain the kind of spur-of-the-moment cooking style that feels normal to me — a valuable thing when pretty much everything else about my life right now does not feel normal. Now all I need is a bigger freezer.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3ctLE4P https://ift.tt/3efkQXs

hutchyb for Getty Images/iStockphoto

There’s a technique — even a flair — to freezing food successfully

My mother is what you might call a culinary cryogenicist. Long before the crew at the Noma Food Lab grew their first flavor spore, my mom was experimenting with the effects of age and temperature on all kinds of foodstuffs: the last two bites of some mac and cheese. Four shrimp. One-third of a pork chop. Three matzo balls. Half a bag of green beans tied shut with a trash bag twist-tie. An old joint. Eight slices of rye bread. Raisins. So. Much. Ham. And that’s just the first shelf of the freezer.

It was a talent she inherited. Her own mother was a master of the freezer arts, best exemplified by the very same “tray of frozen shrimp” offered to us on every grandparent visit for more than two decades; it became a running family joke. As a member of the next generation, however, my family’s faith in the preservation power of cold turned me into a devoted freezer snob. For most of my adult life, my freezer has remained a sacred space reserved for only the most cold-hardy ingredients — ice cream, popsicles, those giant cocktail ice spheres, and maybe the occasional box of toaster waffles or bag of frozen peas. Meat? God no. Fish? Please, back away and leave quietly.

In my mind, freezing things ruined their precious molecular integrity by turning them into rock-hard cubes. Meat is normally prized for its “freshness.” In the fields, crops are carefully covered to prevent freezing, so why put them under such duress in your own home? Having kids a few years ago loosened me up a bit — show me one child-rearing American household a without a frozen bag of dinosaur-shaped chicken blobs lurking somewhere. But overall, for the better part of the last decade, my freezer has remained as sleek and food-free as an after-hours Apple Store.

But when COVID-19 hit I admittedly went into full hoarder mode. My diet, like my fashion, is dictated by my mood (it’s also why I’m a chronic over-packer). With annual memberships to Instacart, Amazon Fresh, and a handful of specialty grocers down the street, I’d become accustomed to getting all the ingredients to sate any craving within an hour of it hitting. Maintaining that level of spontaneity in the time of supermarket lines and impossible delivery queues meant stocking up in ways I’d never fathomed before.

Even with a family of four eating three-plus meals a day, the kind of inventory I was sporting needed to be able to hang out a while. And so, it was with deep reservations that I finally began freezing things — though the real miracle didn’t occur until I began un-freezing them.

First I tried a pork tenderloin, one of three I had purchased at Costco a few weeks earlier. Following the advice of the pros, I took it out of the freezer and put it in my fridge overnight, cooked it as usual, and it was… fine. Good, even. Next I tried salmon — I’ve had terrible experiences with frozen seafood in the past, so my hopes were low for the three rosy-pink portions I defrosted and broiled. But again, the resulting fish was surprisingly moist, fatty, firm, delicious.

After that I started throwing everything in the freezer just to see: ground turkey, chicken thighs. All were fine. Then I moved into pizza dough, shredded cheese, blanched vegetables; then on to chili, tortillas, pancakes, whole loaves of bread, coffee (while dry coffee beans won’t technically “go bad,” their flavor and aroma suffer over time). Pretty much every single thing I froze — and later unfroze — emerged as relatively unharmed and tasty as the day I bought it. (Notable exceptions included skim milk and some poorly wrapped steaks, and it took some serious trial and error with fresh greens.)

Now, as we go into week five… or six? of “safer at home” measures, my freezer has transformed from a sterile ice-storage facility to a clutch partner in culinary crime. Today the once-barren shelves are buckling beneath the weight of dated and labeled baggies and bins with enough perfectly preserved food to more than bridge the gap between bi-weekly produce box deliveries and masked-up grocery runs.

But as it turns out, my mom and grandmother were, in fact, artists — there is a technique, even a flair to freezing food successfully. Wrap something improperly or defrost incorrectly and you might not just risk the integrity of your ingredients, but also your health. So after a month or so of embracing my familial fate and becoming a frozen food convert, here are a few lessons I’ve learned:

The Container Matters

I know, plastic is the enemy, but those fancy glass containers can crack in the freezer. According to the experts, the best way to freeze food is in a vacuum-seal bag that you suction yourself with one of those fancy machines to minimize air (air is your enemy in the great freezer wars). I don’t have one of those — though I’ve been eyeing this one on Amazon — so I use regular old freezer-grade zipper bags and press out as much air as possible before sealing. There’s also a trick where you mimic a vacuum sealer with a drinking straw, slipping it in the corner of the bag and sucking out as much air as you can before pulling the straw out at the last minute, but I felt weird inhaling all those funky meat fumes. My Instagram feed has been full of ads for these pricey silicone bags that I hear work well but I’ve yet to give them a test run.

Either way, you’re going for minimal air exposure and some thickness barrier — a little cushion between your food and the freezer air will help prevent that dreaded freezer burn, a damaging mix of oxidation and dehydration.

Prep Is Key

For meat and fish, you generally want to remove them from their original packaging and re-wrap in individual portions before freezing. Wrapping each cut in an extra layer of plastic before putting them in the zipper bag adds another degree of protection. Timing is key here. Freeze cuts of meat immediately after you get them home, or better yet, buy them pre-frozen. There are entire industries built around freezing fish in a way that sacrifices the least in the way of flavor and texture, so trust the pros — they know what they’re doing.

Vegetables, for the most part, should be quickly blanched before freezing. The drag here is that in the process of blanching, they absorb too much water to get any sort of good roasty char later, but it’s a small price to pay for having quality seasonal produce year-round. Before you blanch, prep the ingredients the way you plan to eat them, meaning separating broccoli and cauliflower into florets, snapping the ends off green beans, and chopping greens. Then boil a big pot of water and dunk the vegetables in for about a minute before plunging immediately into a big bowl of icy water. This will keep them from continuing to cook and turning to mush. The next part is key: Dry everything as best you can. The more water, the thicker the tectonic ice coating you’ll get on every piece. Then put everything into baggies and freeze.

Fruit freezing techniques vary — it all depends what you want to use them for. No amount of freezer skill will recreate the experience of biting into a fresh peach after it’s been frozen. But for smoothies, pie fillings, baking, or juice, most fruit will freeze just fine. Bananas freeze great, peel and all. Berries you’ll want to rinse, dry, then let freeze on a large flat surface like a cookie sheet before transferring to bags. If you want to use citrus just for zest or juice, go ahead and freeze them whole. They say you can freeze citrus in wedges individually, but I found the texture suffers greatly after defrosting, and honestly I can’t imagine what you’d want to use floppy, deflated tangerine wedges for. Juice is no problem — just squeeze, put the juice into an ice cube mold and freeze. You can pop them out later and transfer to a plastic bag for easier storage.

The above ice-cube tray technique works well for all kinds of liquids and purees. I actually bought these cool molds to freeze baby food for my second kid, and I use them now for smaller portions of stocks, lemon juice, pesto, pizza sauce. For larger batches, I pour a couple of cups into a zipper bag, get out as much air as possible, and freeze them flat so I can stack them later.

Breads freeze fantastically, but as a rule pre-sliced is best. I started buying giant loaves of my favorite rye bread from the farmers market and keep them in the freezer full-time, toasting off individual slices as needed; my mom perfected a technique with bagels that involves slicing them as soon as you get them home, wrapping each half separately, and then toasting them direct from the freezer. Pre-cooked tortillas and pita you can just wrap, freeze, and cook off one by one, but my most exciting recent discovery has been in the realm of pre-baked goods. It turns out most doughs recover well after freezing, and I just made a batch of biscuits using this technique that has you freezing the raw, cut biscuits ahead of time and baking them off as needed. It’s opened up a whole new world of frozen pastry projects for me.

I’m sure there’s some technique to freezing cheese but honestly I just put whole hunks and bags of the pre-shredded stuff straight into the freezer. I don’t really freeze milk but the wisdom is that the more fat content, the better it freezes, so half-and-half freezes great, skim milk not so much. Coffee I found out you can freeze and brew straight from frozen, which is excellent considering it is an absolute nonnegotiable in my house.

*If you’re curious about any other ingredient, there are countless guides to freezing food online that will steer you in the right direction.

Don’t Rush the Defrost

(Even Though Sometimes I Do, But It’s Really Risky, Okay?)

The basic rule of thumb for pretty much everything is low and slow. Put whatever you want to defrost in the refrigerator the night before you want to cook it — sometimes longer for big cuts of meat — and let it come to temperature gradually. I do this... most times. But there is a reason your microwave has a “defrost” setting, and it will definitely speed things along if also putting you at risk of prematurely cooking the edges of your chicken breast. I’ve successfully defrosted smaller cuts of fish and shrimp by running the bags under cold water in the sink for a few minutes until soft enough to handle, but this is not officially endorsed by the pros. What you’re definitely not supposed to do is let your ingredients hang out at room temp until they defrost. I have done this too, though it is a surefire recipe for a bacterial infection and this is not the time you want to be running to the ER for dehydration.

The point is, the freezer might be cold and dark, but it is not at all a thing to fear. Utilizing it well has helped me maintain the kind of spur-of-the-moment cooking style that feels normal to me — a valuable thing when pretty much everything else about my life right now does not feel normal. Now all I need is a bigger freezer.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3ctLE4P via Blogger https://ift.tt/2REXkcN

[onlinemarketinghelp]

How to Make Money Online: 26 Real Ways to Earn Money Online https://ift.tt/328NbrK

From online poker to selling your collection of Beanie Babies, there are lots of popular get-rich-quick, money-making ideas that always pop up. Do they work? Not really. Will you make money doing it? Maaaybe. But you’d probably make more money from your 9 to 5 job. At least then it’s a guaranteed paycheck. The truth is there are real ways to make money online – millions of people are doing it each day. From freelance digital nomads to savvy marketers to rising entrepreneurs, there are plenty of business ideas you can try at home using your laptop and a solid internet connection. So let’s break down how to make money online… the real way.

How to Make Money Online: 26 Real Ways

1. Start Dropshipping

Since we’re a dropshipping blog, we might as well start our list off with one of the most popular ways to make money online. According to Google Trends, dropshipping’s popularity is rapidly growing, highlighting its viability as a way to make money online. With success stories about how an entrepreneur made $6,667 in eight weeks or how a store owner made six figures selling just one product, there’s plenty of proof that dropshipping is a real way to make money online.

In case you don’t know what dropshipping is: dropshipping is a business model where you sell a product to a customer, but the supplier stores, packages, and ships the product to your customers on your behalf. With Oberlo, you have access to millions of products that you can add to your store. Oberlo also allows you to send suppliers the customer details in only a couple clicks instead of doing the work yourself.

The best way to make money online dropshipping? Most entrepreneurs have been focusing on a few marketing strategies: running Facebook ads, having influencers promote your products, and sending Direct Messages (DMs) to potential customers on social media.

2. Try Print on Demand

Print on demand is proving to be a popular option too. Graphic designers are turning to the business model to sell their designs on clothing and other products to better monetize their art. With their unique designs, they can create a consistent and established brand for their business.

Print on demand is similar to dropshipping in the sense that you don’t need to carry inventory or ship out products to customers yourself. There are two slight differences though. First, you can add branded labels on packages. Second, shipping costs are exorbitant, making it difficult to create a sustainable business unless you charge higher prices or sell higher quantities.

The best way to make money with your print on demand business? Free marketing channels. Your best bet would be to promote your products for free on Instagram, Pinterest, or with affordable influencers who convert their audiences well. This will help you make money online instead of breaking even with paid marketing channels like Facebook Ads.

3. Make Money with Affiliate Marketing

Affiliate marketing is one of the most popular ways to make money online. Throughout the years its popularity has gone up and down but it continues to prove to be a stable way to make money online. The best part about affiliate marketing is that you can be an affiliate for nearly any company, from Shopify to Amazon to Uber to FabFitFun.

Affiliate marketing allows you to earn a living by promoting other brands. If you’re a savvy marketer, you can earn a commission from sales by promoting retail products, software, apps, and more. While earning a commission may seem small, keep in mind that you can be an affiliate for several brands and include several affiliate links on a single blog post.

If you really want to make money online doing affiliate marketing, your best bet is to focus on content marketing. By building out a blog with several pages of content you essentially create an asset you can call your own. The best part about focusing on content marketing is that if an affiliate program shuts down, you can switch the affiliate link to a competitor without negatively impacting your side hustle income.

4. Start a YouTube Channel

The highest-paid YouTuber is 7-year-old Ryan, who reviews toys on his YouTube channel which made him $22 million in 2018. In the number 5 spot is Jeffree Star, who made $18 million on YouTube and has a cosmetics brand that sells about $100 million in products annually. His YouTube (and Myspace) fame helped him use his influence to make money online beyond his YouTube earnings.

Your YouTube channel should focus on a single niche so you can build a strong, loyal audience. For example, you can create makeup tutorials, stream video games, review products, teach skills, create prank videos, or anything else you think there’d be an audience for.

The secret to making money on YouTube is to create content people want that either educates or entertains. You can use a headline that’s clickbait to entice people to watch or you can use keywords that are optimized for YouTube search. Once you’ve reached the 1,000 subscriber milestone, you can officially monetize your channel with YouTube ads.

5. Become an Influencer

Building a personal brand can help you make money online. Did you know in 2018, Kylie Jenner made $1 million for every sponsored Instagram post, making her the highest-paid influencer? While it may seem like reality stars, singers, and athletes are the biggest influencers, keep in mind that even smaller-scale influencers can make more money today than they did a year ago.

To become an influencer you need to build a massive following. The easiest platforms to do that: YouTube and Instagram. Some of the biggest non-celebrity influencers often gained their first taste of exposure on these platforms. You might want to check out how to get more Instagram followers if you want to build a big Instagram audience.

To make money as an influencer, you can charge for sponsored posts, speaking gigs, create your own online store and sell products, add affiliate links in your bio, sell your photos, sell ads on your own podcast, get paid as a brand ambassador, create a book, get paid to appear at events, and more.

6. Create an Online Course

Sharing knowledge is one of the best ways to make money online. If you’re an expert on a subject you can monetize your knowledge by creating courses online. You can sell your course on Udemy or, if you already have your own audience, on your own website.

To create a popular and successful course, your best bet is to watch other courses on your topic. Then, look at the reviews. What are the aspects that people praise and what are the things people hate? How can you create something better than what’s already been created? Focus on creating content that solves the biggest complaints while emulating the positive aspects people rave about.

The platform you sell your course on will determine how to best make money. If you sell your course on Udemy, you don’t have to do much to promote it. You can almost set it and forget it. Maybe promote it to some blogs or on your own website. However, if the course is hosted on your own website you might want to run ads to promote the course. You can also build an email list so you can continue to promote future courses to that same audience.

7. Publish an Ebook

With Amazon KDP, it’s never been easier to publish an ebook. All you need to do is write the ebook, format it, create an ebook cover, publish, and promote it. Back in 2013, I created several ebooks on Amazon (took all but one down) and even though it didn’t make me rich, I still make some money from it.

You can choose to hire a writer for your ebook, a graphic designer to design the cover, or a freelancer to format the ebook for you to help minimize the work you need to put into it. It’s best if you focus on keywords based on popular searches on Amazon. I often used Keyword Tool, which allows you to find the words people use while searching so you can craft your title around it.

To make money online selling ebooks, you can market it a number of ways. You can give away your ebook for free for a few days. This helps you rank high in search results for a few days and get some reviews which helps you rank better for paid listings. Plus, I like to create custom graphics on Pinterest that match the “Pinterest style” rather than just placing the ebook cover as a pin. This has helped me get some clicks to my ebook from Pinterest.

8. Start a Blog

Blogging is one of the oldest methods for making money online. People who love writing tend to start blogs with a niche focus. For example, a blog about procrastination, cars, dropshipping, toys, etc., is often a narrow enough focus so you can build a loyal following, but big enough that you can cover a lot of ground.

You can start a blog on a number of platforms, from Shopify (remove the checkout feature so you don’t have to pay a subscription as you build it out) to WordPress. When you start your blog, focus on very specific keywords on a tight focus and continue to expand into other but relevant categories as you grow and dominate new spaces. This will allow you to build a massive blog over time.

There are several ways to make money blogging. You can add affiliate links in your posts (don’t forget a disclaimer). You can monetize with AdSense by placing ads strategically on your website. Sponsored posts can help you make money from specific brands – this is popular among review bloggers. Bloggers can also sell digital or physical products on their website either (hint: you can add Oberlo products to your website). You can also use it to build authority so that you can eventually get speaking gigs, television deals, or big contracts from clients.

9. Consider Freelancing

The easiest way to make money online is to take your current job at your 9 to 5 job and do it online instead. For example, if you’re a writer, administrative assistant, graphic designer, teacher, developer, etc., you can take those same skills and find clients online who are looking for it.

There’s a never-ending list of websites for each sector of freelance jobs too. For example, freelance writers can apply for jobs on specific online writing job boards, but also general freelance websites like Fiverr, Freelancer, Upwork, and all the others.

If you find that your job doesn’t have a direct online money-making stream of income, you can look for other transferable skills you may have. To make money online as a freelancer, you need to start by building out a strong portfolio. That may mean doing some free work with some reputable mid-tier brands to start. Once you gain a strong portfolio, you can start reaching out to potential big clients to earn more money online. Remember, freelancing is a numbers game: the more personalized emails and applications you fill out, the more likely you are to get a response back.

10. Create an App

If you’re not a developer, you’re probably looking at this money-making idea and feeling a bit stuck. Fortunately, there is a way to have an app made that doesn’t involve any programming skills.

These days, marketers are using freelance platforms to find affordable developers to create apps for them.

When it comes to making money on your app, your best bet will be to add it to Google Play and the App Store. And while it may seem counterintuitive, having a free app can help you make more than a paid app. With a free app, you can add ads or premium features to help you make money. Since the free app will attract a higher volume of people, it’ll be easier for you to upsell them.

11. Become a Writer

With a growing interest in content marketing, more brands are looking for great writers to create content. The secret to succeeding as a writer is to be an expert in a niche. A lot of writers try to be generalists, writing for a wide range of categories from food to tech. However, having a niche focus as a writer allows you to write better content. When you have experience in the niche, you can offer a different perspective to a piece of content. That means you’re not just saying the same thing as every other article online. And that’s what brands really want to pay for. Your thoughts, experiences and inside information into their niche.

If someone asks for a marketing writing sample, send them marketing writing samples. Don’t send a finance article. Or a fitness one. It’s hard for a hiring manager to know how well you understand the niche’s industry if they can’t see a relevant writing sample. Apply to opportunities suited to your skillset and experience. Also, if your pitch doesn’t have a list of links to writing samples, it’s going to get ignored.

You can make money online on sites like these:

Problogger

Craigslist

Blogging Pro

Freelance Writing

Media Bistro

Flex Jobs

Be a Freelance Blogger

12. Create Side Gigs

Side gigs can help you make money online while you keep your full-time job. If you’re unemployed, side gigs may not be enough to hold you over. If you’re only looking to make an extra couple hundred dollars per month, this is a great idea. The work doesn’t always last long-term but it can.

Use platforms like Fiverr to create gigs. When you’re new to Fiverr, you’ll want to focus on offering a low price so you could get your first review. I’d recommend getting a friend to buy your gig to leave your first review so you can get started faster. Treat the friend like a client and actually deliver a finished product that you can feature on the platform on your portfolio. The thing with Fiverr is that it’s also a numbers game. If you look at top Fiverr users, you’ll see that they have multiple gigs available. The more gigs you have the more likely you are to be found.

If you don’t want to get paid Fiverr prices, you can turn to platforms like Craigslist to find side gigs. Under their jobs section, you can search for contract or telecommute opportunities. The great thing about the telecommute opportunities on Craigslist is that you can apply for them for any city in the world. Craigslist has a variety of side gigs from writing, business, design, accounting and more. So if your talents don’t match up with anything else on this list of money-making ideas, you might want to try a side gig from Craigslist, and start making money online. Apply to multiple opportunities to land a few small side gigs.

13. Do Translation Work

If you need to make money now, translation work is a fairly underserved niche. You’ll need to be fluent in at least two languages to do this successfully. So if you’re bilingual or majored in a popular language in school, this may be a great money-making idea for you to try out.

You will need to show proof of your ability to translate so if you have a language degree or experience translating text, you should show samples of your portfolio. Most companies will require a translation test. Keep in mind that you need to be fluent in the languages you’re applying to be a translator for. So you can’t use translation tools.

Sites where you can make money online include:

Upwork

People Per Hour

SDL

Gengo

Pro Translating

Translators Base

14. Sell Your Stuff

When you’re desperate to make money now, sometimes the only option is to sell your stuff. If you’re unemployed and struggling to find a job, selling your possessions is a great way to make money fast. You can earn money online using the links below or you can head to a pawn shop. Keep in mind the shipping costs associated with selling online. Be sure to charge the buyer for it if you’re shipping products internationally. 

Most people immediately think of selling their junk like books, DVDs, and CDs. But most people don’t want to buy those things. It’s 2019 – are you really going to buy a CD? Probably not. So don’t waste your time trying to sell it. When you’re thinking about how to make money fast, focus on items of value like laptops, TVs, phones, furniture, designer handbags or clothing. Try selling the same items on multiple platforms. For example, you might try selling your product on Facebook groups and Craigslist instead of just one of them. If you sell your stuff everywhere there’s a chance of someone finding it.

Be sure to take amazing photos and edit them. An online retailer doesn’t upload images as is. They hire a photographer to take great photos. Images are enhanced. The background is often removed. Approach your product post like an online retailer. Avoid taking pictures of products on tables. If a product is on a table, remove the background to make it white. After you’ve run out of stuff to sell online, start your own online store using Oberlo. You’ve proven that you’ve got what it takes to be an online retailer. So, now you can start making money from home.

15. Become an Online Tutor

You can make a lot of money online, and choose your own hours, by being an online tutor. According to Studenomics, Bohdan made $2100 from tutoring. In the article, you’ll learn how he made built up his clients through word of mouth, visibility, and great group rates. While sciences and maths often have a high demand for tutoring positions, you’ll also find English to be popular among international audiences. If you’re an expert on a topic, tutoring may be the right platform for you to make money fast.

Having a degree or experience in a language is essential this type of job so showcase your degree, high-grade average in a course or other proof that you’re qualified to tutor that topic. If you have a teaching degree, you may be more likely to land a tutoring position. If you’ve spoken at a conference or event about the topic, you might also be considered for an online tutoring, teaching or mentoring position. Focus on tutoring in your field of expertise. If you’re not the best, you probably shouldn’t be tutoring in that specific topic.

You can find online tutoring jobs on platforms like these:

Tutor Me

Chegg Tutors

Tutor.com

Yup

Cambly

16. Drive Your Car

If you own a car, you can make some spare cash as an Uber driver or delivery person. If you don’t own a car, you can still be a delivery person using your bicycle or moped. Uber drivers looking to make even more money off their car can turn their car into an advertisement using Free Car Media. Your car will be wrapped with a removable vinyl decal. There have also been cases of Uber drivers selling products in their car. As a driver, you’ll often times start talking about what you and your passenger do for a living.

Want to know how to make money fast driving Uber? If you own your own side business, you can showcase your products to your passengers if they’re interested. Not all will be though. However, if one expresses interest in your products, you can have products for sale under the driver’s seat for a passenger to sift through. If customers don’t have the cash, you can ask them to pay for the cost of it with Uber’s tip function. 

17. Become a Virtual Assistant

With so many entrepreneurs building businesses, virtual assistants are becoming an important part of running a business. As a virtual assistant, you’ll do a variety of tasks. Writing, order processing, bookkeeping, social media, and customer support are just a few of the tasks you might be asked to do as a virtual assistant. 

You can earn money online on websites like Virtual Assistant Jobs, Indeed, or Upwork. Many virtual assistants have also found ways to make money online by reaching out to brands and entrepreneurs asking if they’re interested in hiring a virtual assistant. Using a combination of job posting applications and outreach, you’ll be more likely to make money fast. Build an active social media presence on Twitter and LinkedIn to help you find new clients.

18. Become a Twitch Streamer

Twitch streaming is becoming increasingly popular. While it started out as a gaming platform, it’s quickly evolving to include other types of content. To make money fast on Twitch, you’ll need to grow your following. If you’re unemployed, spending your entire day streaming on Twitch can help you build a sizeable audience fast. You’ll need to find a popular game or channel that isn’t overly competitive so that people can easily find your content. In order to make money online from streaming, you’ll need to have a consistent style to your channel: is it going to be funny, educational or entertaining? Engaging on the chat feature on Twitch is another way to grow your following. You’ll want to communicate in popular chats. However, you’ll also want to engage with those chatting on your streams as well.

There are five ways to monetize your Twitch channel: selling products, brand sponsorships, fan donations, subscriptions and Twitch ads. As a Twitch streamer, you’ll want to focus on tapping into all five monetization methods to ensure the highest financial gains. You could potentially make more on Twitch than YouTube, making it one of the best money making ideas for video creators.

19. Invest in Stocks

You can also make money fast by investing in stocks. If you aren’t an expert in picking stock you might want to skip this money making idea. While it can have one of the highest fast rewards, it can also result in money loss if you’re inexperienced. If you currently hold a 9 to 5 job, look into your company’s financial programs. Do they allow you to invest in company stocks? If so, sign up for it. At least with a company stock program you have some influence in the company’s success as an employee. If your company has an RRSP matching program, you can also sign up for that if your goal is to save up for retirement or a down payment on your first home.

20. Sell Your Photography

Whether you’re a professional photographer or just love snapping great pictures, you can monetize your photography a number of ways. You can make money fast by posting your photography services in local Facebook groups for your community. 

If you’re looking for more photography clients, you can use a site like Scoopshot. However, if you’re looking to monetize your phone photography you can use Foap. Learn more product photography tips to help you start making money with photography.

21. Sell Your Clothes Online

Most people have more clothes in their closet than they ever wear. You likely have items you haven’t worn in the past year that you never have any intention of wearing ever again. Whether you sell your clothes, handbags, or shoes there are quite a few websites that allow you to sell your used fashion items. Poshmark, Refashioner, TheRealReal, ThredUp and Tradesy are a few of the online sites where you can sell your used apparel. 

You could make money online by selling on several different platforms. If you’re looking to sell items in person, you can use Facebook buy and sell groups in your community to find people online and sell the items in person. I’ve personally sold in these groups before and know they work.

22. Become an Extreme Couponer

When money is tight, using coupons can help save you a few bucks. However, with Coupon Chief it can also help you make money online. They offer a Pays to Share program where you’ll receive 2% of sales from the coupons you share on their platform. You’ll need to add coupons that haven’t already been shared. In return, you’ll make a 2% commission. The company has already paid out over $1.4 million in commissions.

23. Sell Domains

If you regularly buy domain names but fail to use them, you can always try to sell them for a profit. Selling domains is ultra competitive though. If you own an one word .com domain you’ll have a better chance of selling. Words that have high search volume sell well too. Also, domains that are on trend at that moment have a better chance of selling. For example, a year ago fidget spinner domains were an easier sell than they are now. You can sell your domains on Go Daddy’s Domain Auction. Look through the domains with the highest bids to see what type of domains sell well. It’ll help you know whether or not the domains you have are worth selling and how much money you can make selling them.

24. Sell Your Designs Online

Graphic design is an amazing skill that works with several money making ideas. You can go the print on demand route and sell your designs on your own custom products. Or you can pitch your designs on a crowdsource platform like 99 Designs. You can create your own graphics, templates and more and sell them on marketplaces like Graphic River or Creative Market. Or you can pick up some clients and work as a freelance graphic artist.

25. Review Websites, Apps, and Software

If you’re passionate about user experience, User Testing pays reviewers $10 to give other entrepreneurs feedback on their websites and apps. That’s one fast way to make money online. You’ll be given a set of questions that you need to answer as you browse through their website. Through a video, you’ll communicate your ideas and feedback to the entrepreneur while navigating their website or app. Your video is only 20 minutes in length so if you do 3 videos per hour you’ll make $30. It can be pretty competitive so you have to act fast when a new website or app is added to be reviewed. Those who want to earn money online by reviewing software can use a tool called Software Judge.

26. Get a Part-Time Job

When you’ve done whatever it takes to make money fast but struggle to make an impact, sometimes you’re left with no choice but to get a part-time job. A lot of the money-making ideas on this list are great for building up to. They can be really successful over the long-term too. But if you’re struggling to make money fast enough, you might need to apply to a part-time job in your field. You can browse part-time jobs on job bank websites like Indeed, Monster or a job website for your industry.

Whether you’re looking to make an extra couple hundred a month or grow a successful six-figure brand, I hope these money making ideas have inspired you to take action. Learning how to make money fast or how to make money from home is an important part of success, but the execution is what helps you make money now.

Conclusion

Making money online can help you earn some extra side hustle money but it can also help you escape your 9 to 5 job so you can become a full-time entrepreneur. By making more money, you gain more financial freedom, improve your financial security, and inch closer to living life on your terms. It really is possible to earn a living online if you work hard and stick with it. So, which side hustle will you try out first?

26 Business Ideas to Make Money Online

Start Dropshipping

Try Print on Demand

Make Money with Affiliate Marketing

Start a YouTube Channel

Become an Influencer

Create an Online Course

Publish an Ebook

Start a Blog

Consider Freelancing

Create an App

Become a Writer

Create Side Gigs

Do Translation Work

Sell Your Stuff

Become an Online Tutor

Drive Your Car

Become a Virtual Assistant

Become a Twitch Streamer

Invest in Stocks

Sell Your Photography

Sell Your Clothes Online

Become an Extreme Couponer

Sell Domains

Sell Your Designs Online

Review Websites, Apps, and Software

Get a Part-Time Job

Want to Learn More?

The Ultimate List of The Most Popular Online Business Ideas

16 Reasons to Start a Business

What Is Email Marketing and Why Is It Important?

Here Are the Biggest Dropshipping Niches in the Biggest Markets

The post How to Make Money Online: 26 Real Ways to Earn Money Online appeared first on Oberlo.

from Oberlo

From online poker to selling your collection of Beanie Babies, there are lots of popular get-rich-quick, money-making ideas that always pop up. Do they work? Not really. Will you make money doing it? Maaaybe. But you’d probably make more money from your 9 to 5 job. At least then it’s a guaranteed paycheck. The truth is there are real ways to make money online – millions of people are doing it each day. From freelance digital nomads to savvy marketers to rising entrepreneurs, there are plenty of business ideas you can try at home using your laptop and a solid internet connection. So let’s break down how to make money online… the real way.

How to Make Money Online: 26 Real Ways

1. Start Dropshipping

Since we’re a dropshipping blog, we might as well start our list off with one of the most popular ways to make money online. According to Google Trends, dropshipping’s popularity is rapidly growing, highlighting its viability as a way to make money online. With success stories about how an entrepreneur made $6,667 in eight weeks or how a store owner made six figures selling just one product, there’s plenty of proof that dropshipping is a real way to make money online.

In case you don’t know what dropshipping is: dropshipping is a business model where you sell a product to a customer, but the supplier stores, packages, and ships the product to your customers on your behalf. With Oberlo, you have access to millions of products that you can add to your store. Oberlo also allows you to send suppliers the customer details in only a couple clicks instead of doing the work yourself.

The best way to make money online dropshipping? Most entrepreneurs have been focusing on a few marketing strategies: running Facebook ads, having influencers promote your products, and sending Direct Messages (DMs) to potential customers on social media.

2. Try Print on Demand

Print on demand is proving to be a popular option too. Graphic designers are turning to the business model to sell their designs on clothing and other products to better monetize their art. With their unique designs, they can create a consistent and established brand for their business.

Print on demand is similar to dropshipping in the sense that you don’t need to carry inventory or ship out products to customers yourself. There are two slight differences though. First, you can add branded labels on packages. Second, shipping costs are exorbitant, making it difficult to create a sustainable business unless you charge higher prices or sell higher quantities.

The best way to make money with your print on demand business? Free marketing channels. Your best bet would be to promote your products for free on Instagram, Pinterest, or with affordable influencers who convert their audiences well. This will help you make money online instead of breaking even with paid marketing channels like Facebook Ads.

3. Make Money with Affiliate Marketing

Affiliate marketing is one of the most popular ways to make money online. Throughout the years its popularity has gone up and down but it continues to prove to be a stable way to make money online. The best part about affiliate marketing is that you can be an affiliate for nearly any company, from Shopify to Amazon to Uber to FabFitFun.

Affiliate marketing allows you to earn a living by promoting other brands. If you’re a savvy marketer, you can earn a commission from sales by promoting retail products, software, apps, and more. While earning a commission may seem small, keep in mind that you can be an affiliate for several brands and include several affiliate links on a single blog post.

If you really want to make money online doing affiliate marketing, your best bet is to focus on content marketing. By building out a blog with several pages of content you essentially create an asset you can call your own. The best part about focusing on content marketing is that if an affiliate program shuts down, you can switch the affiliate link to a competitor without negatively impacting your side hustle income.

4. Start a YouTube Channel

The highest-paid YouTuber is 7-year-old Ryan, who reviews toys on his YouTube channel which made him $22 million in 2018. In the number 5 spot is Jeffree Star, who made $18 million on YouTube and has a cosmetics brand that sells about $100 million in products annually. His YouTube (and Myspace) fame helped him use his influence to make money online beyond his YouTube earnings.

Your YouTube channel should focus on a single niche so you can build a strong, loyal audience. For example, you can create makeup tutorials, stream video games, review products, teach skills, create prank videos, or anything else you think there’d be an audience for.

The secret to making money on YouTube is to create content people want that either educates or entertains. You can use a headline that’s clickbait to entice people to watch or you can use keywords that are optimized for YouTube search. Once you’ve reached the 1,000 subscriber milestone, you can officially monetize your channel with YouTube ads.

5. Become an Influencer

Building a personal brand can help you make money online. Did you know in 2018, Kylie Jenner made $1 million for every sponsored Instagram post, making her the highest-paid influencer? While it may seem like reality stars, singers, and athletes are the biggest influencers, keep in mind that even smaller-scale influencers can make more money today than they did a year ago.

To become an influencer you need to build a massive following. The easiest platforms to do that: YouTube and Instagram. Some of the biggest non-celebrity influencers often gained their first taste of exposure on these platforms. You might want to check out how to get more Instagram followers if you want to build a big Instagram audience.

To make money as an influencer, you can charge for sponsored posts, speaking gigs, create your own online store and sell products, add affiliate links in your bio, sell your photos, sell ads on your own podcast, get paid as a brand ambassador, create a book, get paid to appear at events, and more.

6. Create an Online Course

Sharing knowledge is one of the best ways to make money online. If you’re an expert on a subject you can monetize your knowledge by creating courses online. You can sell your course on Udemy or, if you already have your own audience, on your own website.

To create a popular and successful course, your best bet is to watch other courses on your topic. Then, look at the reviews. What are the aspects that people praise and what are the things people hate? How can you create something better than what’s already been created? Focus on creating content that solves the biggest complaints while emulating the positive aspects people rave about.

The platform you sell your course on will determine how to best make money. If you sell your course on Udemy, you don’t have to do much to promote it. You can almost set it and forget it. Maybe promote it to some blogs or on your own website. However, if the course is hosted on your own website you might want to run ads to promote the course. You can also build an email list so you can continue to promote future courses to that same audience.

7. Publish an Ebook

With Amazon KDP, it’s never been easier to publish an ebook. All you need to do is write the ebook, format it, create an ebook cover, publish, and promote it. Back in 2013, I created several ebooks on Amazon (took all but one down) and even though it didn’t make me rich, I still make some money from it.

You can choose to hire a writer for your ebook, a graphic designer to design the cover, or a freelancer to format the ebook for you to help minimize the work you need to put into it. It’s best if you focus on keywords based on popular searches on Amazon. I often used Keyword Tool, which allows you to find the words people use while searching so you can craft your title around it.

To make money online selling ebooks, you can market it a number of ways. You can give away your ebook for free for a few days. This helps you rank high in search results for a few days and get some reviews which helps you rank better for paid listings. Plus, I like to create custom graphics on Pinterest that match the “Pinterest style” rather than just placing the ebook cover as a pin. This has helped me get some clicks to my ebook from Pinterest.

8. Start a Blog

Blogging is one of the oldest methods for making money online. People who love writing tend to start blogs with a niche focus. For example, a blog about procrastination, cars, dropshipping, toys, etc., is often a narrow enough focus so you can build a loyal following, but big enough that you can cover a lot of ground.

You can start a blog on a number of platforms, from Shopify (remove the checkout feature so you don’t have to pay a subscription as you build it out) to WordPress. When you start your blog, focus on very specific keywords on a tight focus and continue to expand into other but relevant categories as you grow and dominate new spaces. This will allow you to build a massive blog over time.

There are several ways to make money blogging. You can add affiliate links in your posts (don’t forget a disclaimer). You can monetize with AdSense by placing ads strategically on your website. Sponsored posts can help you make money from specific brands – this is popular among review bloggers. Bloggers can also sell digital or physical products on their website either (hint: you can add Oberlo products to your website). You can also use it to build authority so that you can eventually get speaking gigs, television deals, or big contracts from clients.

9. Consider Freelancing

The easiest way to make money online is to take your current job at your 9 to 5 job and do it online instead. For example, if you’re a writer, administrative assistant, graphic designer, teacher, developer, etc., you can take those same skills and find clients online who are looking for it.

There’s a never-ending list of websites for each sector of freelance jobs too. For example, freelance writers can apply for jobs on specific online writing job boards, but also general freelance websites like Fiverr, Freelancer, Upwork, and all the others.

If you find that your job doesn’t have a direct online money-making stream of income, you can look for other transferable skills you may have. To make money online as a freelancer, you need to start by building out a strong portfolio. That may mean doing some free work with some reputable mid-tier brands to start. Once you gain a strong portfolio, you can start reaching out to potential big clients to earn more money online. Remember, freelancing is a numbers game: the more personalized emails and applications you fill out, the more likely you are to get a response back.

10. Create an App

If you’re not a developer, you’re probably looking at this money-making idea and feeling a bit stuck. Fortunately, there is a way to have an app made that doesn’t involve any programming skills.

These days, marketers are using freelance platforms to find affordable developers to create apps for them.

When it comes to making money on your app, your best bet will be to add it to Google Play and the App Store. And while it may seem counterintuitive, having a free app can help you make more than a paid app. With a free app, you can add ads or premium features to help you make money. Since the free app will attract a higher volume of people, it’ll be easier for you to upsell them.

11. Become a Writer

With a growing interest in content marketing, more brands are looking for great writers to create content. The secret to succeeding as a writer is to be an expert in a niche. A lot of writers try to be generalists, writing for a wide range of categories from food to tech. However, having a niche focus as a writer allows you to write better content. When you have experience in the niche, you can offer a different perspective to a piece of content. That means you’re not just saying the same thing as every other article online. And that’s what brands really want to pay for. Your thoughts, experiences and inside information into their niche.

If someone asks for a marketing writing sample, send them marketing writing samples. Don’t send a finance article. Or a fitness one. It’s hard for a hiring manager to know how well you understand the niche’s industry if they can’t see a relevant writing sample. Apply to opportunities suited to your skillset and experience. Also, if your pitch doesn’t have a list of links to writing samples, it’s going to get ignored.

You can make money online on sites like these:

Problogger

Craigslist

Blogging Pro

Freelance Writing

Media Bistro

Flex Jobs

Be a Freelance Blogger

12. Create Side Gigs

Side gigs can help you make money online while you keep your full-time job. If you’re unemployed, side gigs may not be enough to hold you over. If you’re only looking to make an extra couple hundred dollars per month, this is a great idea. The work doesn’t always last long-term but it can.

Use platforms like Fiverr to create gigs. When you’re new to Fiverr, you’ll want to focus on offering a low price so you could get your first review. I’d recommend getting a friend to buy your gig to leave your first review so you can get started faster. Treat the friend like a client and actually deliver a finished product that you can feature on the platform on your portfolio. The thing with Fiverr is that it’s also a numbers game. If you look at top Fiverr users, you’ll see that they have multiple gigs available. The more gigs you have the more likely you are to be found.

If you don’t want to get paid Fiverr prices, you can turn to platforms like Craigslist to find side gigs. Under their jobs section, you can search for contract or telecommute opportunities. The great thing about the telecommute opportunities on Craigslist is that you can apply for them for any city in the world. Craigslist has a variety of side gigs from writing, business, design, accounting and more. So if your talents don’t match up with anything else on this list of money-making ideas, you might want to try a side gig from Craigslist, and start making money online. Apply to multiple opportunities to land a few small side gigs.

13. Do Translation Work

If you need to make money now, translation work is a fairly underserved niche. You’ll need to be fluent in at least two languages to do this successfully. So if you’re bilingual or majored in a popular language in school, this may be a great money-making idea for you to try out.

You will need to show proof of your ability to translate so if you have a language degree or experience translating text, you should show samples of your portfolio. Most companies will require a translation test. Keep in mind that you need to be fluent in the languages you’re applying to be a translator for. So you can’t use translation tools.

Sites where you can make money online include:

Upwork

People Per Hour

SDL

Gengo

Pro Translating

Translators Base

14. Sell Your Stuff

When you’re desperate to make money now, sometimes the only option is to sell your stuff. If you’re unemployed and struggling to find a job, selling your possessions is a great way to make money fast. You can earn money online using the links below or you can head to a pawn shop. Keep in mind the shipping costs associated with selling online. Be sure to charge the buyer for it if you’re shipping products internationally. 

Most people immediately think of selling their junk like books, DVDs, and CDs. But most people don’t want to buy those things. It’s 2019 – are you really going to buy a CD? Probably not. So don’t waste your time trying to sell it. When you’re thinking about how to make money fast, focus on items of value like laptops, TVs, phones, furniture, designer handbags or clothing. Try selling the same items on multiple platforms. For example, you might try selling your product on Facebook groups and Craigslist instead of just one of them. If you sell your stuff everywhere there’s a chance of someone finding it.

Be sure to take amazing photos and edit them. An online retailer doesn’t upload images as is. They hire a photographer to take great photos. Images are enhanced. The background is often removed. Approach your product post like an online retailer. Avoid taking pictures of products on tables. If a product is on a table, remove the background to make it white. After you’ve run out of stuff to sell online, start your own online store using Oberlo. You’ve proven that you’ve got what it takes to be an online retailer. So, now you can start making money from home.

15. Become an Online Tutor

You can make a lot of money online, and choose your own hours, by being an online tutor. According to Studenomics, Bohdan made $2100 from tutoring. In the article, you’ll learn how he made built up his clients through word of mouth, visibility, and great group rates. While sciences and maths often have a high demand for tutoring positions, you’ll also find English to be popular among international audiences. If you’re an expert on a topic, tutoring may be the right platform for you to make money fast.

Having a degree or experience in a language is essential this type of job so showcase your degree, high-grade average in a course or other proof that you’re qualified to tutor that topic. If you have a teaching degree, you may be more likely to land a tutoring position. If you’ve spoken at a conference or event about the topic, you might also be considered for an online tutoring, teaching or mentoring position. Focus on tutoring in your field of expertise. If you’re not the best, you probably shouldn’t be tutoring in that specific topic.

You can find online tutoring jobs on platforms like these:

Tutor Me

Chegg Tutors

Tutor.com

Yup

Cambly

16. Drive Your Car

If you own a car, you can make some spare cash as an Uber driver or delivery person. If you don’t own a car, you can still be a delivery person using your bicycle or moped. Uber drivers looking to make even more money off their car can turn their car into an advertisement using Free Car Media. Your car will be wrapped with a removable vinyl decal. There have also been cases of Uber drivers selling products in their car. As a driver, you’ll often times start talking about what you and your passenger do for a living.

Want to know how to make money fast driving Uber? If you own your own side business, you can showcase your products to your passengers if they’re interested. Not all will be though. However, if one expresses interest in your products, you can have products for sale under the driver’s seat for a passenger to sift through. If customers don’t have the cash, you can ask them to pay for the cost of it with Uber’s tip function. 

17. Become a Virtual Assistant

With so many entrepreneurs building businesses, virtual assistants are becoming an important part of running a business. As a virtual assistant, you’ll do a variety of tasks. Writing, order processing, bookkeeping, social media, and customer support are just a few of the tasks you might be asked to do as a virtual assistant. 

You can earn money online on websites like Virtual Assistant Jobs, Indeed, or Upwork. Many virtual assistants have also found ways to make money online by reaching out to brands and entrepreneurs asking if they’re interested in hiring a virtual assistant. Using a combination of job posting applications and outreach, you’ll be more likely to make money fast. Build an active social media presence on Twitter and LinkedIn to help you find new clients.

18. Become a Twitch Streamer

Twitch streaming is becoming increasingly popular. While it started out as a gaming platform, it’s quickly evolving to include other types of content. To make money fast on Twitch, you’ll need to grow your following. If you’re unemployed, spending your entire day streaming on Twitch can help you build a sizeable audience fast. You’ll need to find a popular game or channel that isn’t overly competitive so that people can easily find your content. In order to make money online from streaming, you’ll need to have a consistent style to your channel: is it going to be funny, educational or entertaining? Engaging on the chat feature on Twitch is another way to grow your following. You’ll want to communicate in popular chats. However, you’ll also want to engage with those chatting on your streams as well.

There are five ways to monetize your Twitch channel: selling products, brand sponsorships, fan donations, subscriptions and Twitch ads. As a Twitch streamer, you’ll want to focus on tapping into all five monetization methods to ensure the highest financial gains. You could potentially make more on Twitch than YouTube, making it one of the best money making ideas for video creators.

19. Invest in Stocks

You can also make money fast by investing in stocks. If you aren’t an expert in picking stock you might want to skip this money making idea. While it can have one of the highest fast rewards, it can also result in money loss if you’re inexperienced. If you currently hold a 9 to 5 job, look into your company’s financial programs. Do they allow you to invest in company stocks? If so, sign up for it. At least with a company stock program you have some influence in the company’s success as an employee. If your company has an RRSP matching program, you can also sign up for that if your goal is to save up for retirement or a down payment on your first home.

20. Sell Your Photography

Whether you’re a professional photographer or just love snapping great pictures, you can monetize your photography a number of ways. You can make money fast by posting your photography services in local Facebook groups for your community. 

If you’re looking for more photography clients, you can use a site like Scoopshot. However, if you’re looking to monetize your phone photography you can use Foap. Learn more product photography tips to help you start making money with photography.

21. Sell Your Clothes Online

Most people have more clothes in their closet than they ever wear. You likely have items you haven’t worn in the past year that you never have any intention of wearing ever again. Whether you sell your clothes, handbags, or shoes there are quite a few websites that allow you to sell your used fashion items. Poshmark, Refashioner, TheRealReal, ThredUp and Tradesy are a few of the online sites where you can sell your used apparel. 

You could make money online by selling on several different platforms. If you’re looking to sell items in person, you can use Facebook buy and sell groups in your community to find people online and sell the items in person. I’ve personally sold in these groups before and know they work.

22. Become an Extreme Couponer

When money is tight, using coupons can help save you a few bucks. However, with Coupon Chief it can also help you make money online. They offer a Pays to Share program where you’ll receive 2% of sales from the coupons you share on their platform. You’ll need to add coupons that haven’t already been shared. In return, you’ll make a 2% commission. The company has already paid out over $1.4 million in commissions.

23. Sell Domains

If you regularly buy domain names but fail to use them, you can always try to sell them for a profit. Selling domains is ultra competitive though. If you own an one word .com domain you’ll have a better chance of selling. Words that have high search volume sell well too. Also, domains that are on trend at that moment have a better chance of selling. For example, a year ago fidget spinner domains were an easier sell than they are now. You can sell your domains on Go Daddy’s Domain Auction. Look through the domains with the highest bids to see what type of domains sell well. It’ll help you know whether or not the domains you have are worth selling and how much money you can make selling them.

24. Sell Your Designs Online

Graphic design is an amazing skill that works with several money making ideas. You can go the print on demand route and sell your designs on your own custom products. Or you can pitch your designs on a crowdsource platform like 99 Designs. You can create your own graphics, templates and more and sell them on marketplaces like Graphic River or Creative Market. Or you can pick up some clients and work as a freelance graphic artist.

25. Review Websites, Apps, and Software

If you’re passionate about user experience, User Testing pays reviewers $10 to give other entrepreneurs feedback on their websites and apps. That’s one fast way to make money online. You’ll be given a set of questions that you need to answer as you browse through their website. Through a video, you’ll communicate your ideas and feedback to the entrepreneur while navigating their website or app. Your video is only 20 minutes in length so if you do 3 videos per hour you’ll make $30. It can be pretty competitive so you have to act fast when a new website or app is added to be reviewed. Those who want to earn money online by reviewing software can use a tool called Software Judge.

26. Get a Part-Time Job

When you’ve done whatever it takes to make money fast but struggle to make an impact, sometimes you’re left with no choice but to get a part-time job. A lot of the money-making ideas on this list are great for building up to. They can be really successful over the long-term too. But if you’re struggling to make money fast enough, you might need to apply to a part-time job in your field. You can browse part-time jobs on job bank websites like Indeed, Monster or a job website for your industry.

Whether you’re looking to make an extra couple hundred a month or grow a successful six-figure brand, I hope these money making ideas have inspired you to take action. Learning how to make money fast or how to make money from home is an important part of success, but the execution is what helps you make money now.

Conclusion

Making money online can help you earn some extra side hustle money but it can also help you escape your 9 to 5 job so you can become a full-time entrepreneur. By making more money, you gain more financial freedom, improve your financial security, and inch closer to living life on your terms. It really is possible to earn a living online if you work hard and stick with it. So, which side hustle will you try out first?

26 Business Ideas to Make Money Online

Start Dropshipping

Try Print on Demand

Make Money with Affiliate Marketing

Start a YouTube Channel

Become an Influencer

Create an Online Course

Publish an Ebook

Start a Blog

Consider Freelancing

Create an App

Become a Writer

Create Side Gigs

Do Translation Work

Sell Your Stuff

Become an Online Tutor

Drive Your Car

Become a Virtual Assistant

Become a Twitch Streamer

Invest in Stocks

Sell Your Photography

Sell Your Clothes Online

Become an Extreme Couponer

Sell Domains

Sell Your Designs Online

Review Websites, Apps, and Software

Get a Part-Time Job

Want to Learn More?

The Ultimate List of The Most Popular Online Business Ideas

16 Reasons to Start a Business

What Is Email Marketing and Why Is It Important?

Here Are the Biggest Dropshipping Niches in the Biggest Markets

The post How to Make Money Online: 26 Real Ways to Earn Money Online appeared first on Oberlo.

https://ift.tt/2Zckmwu August 27, 2019 at 04:00AM https://ift.tt/30EA699

[gaymusicchart]

GAY MUSIC CHART – 2017 week 38

 Welcome to the Gay Music Chart, the LGBTQA related music videos TOP 50 actuality and most request.

Vote for your favourite LGBTQA related music videos by leaving a comment for this post on :

YOUTUBE (in the comment section of the video of the week) : https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz7yfp-xq-b08tD6mAWwclA

BLOGGER : http://gaymusicchart.blogspot.fr

FACEBOOK : https://www.facebook.com/GayMusicChart/

TWITTER : https://twitter.com/GayMusicChart with #GayMusicChart  

TUMBLR : http://gaymusicchart.tumblr.com  

 Here is the recap for this week :

  OUT : Katy Perry feat. Nicki Minaj - Swish Swish (LW: 02 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 02)

OUT : Jay Arseno - Shine! (DJ Sean Mac Remix) (LW: 14 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 14)

OUT : Lara Fabian - Growing Wings (Offer Nissim Remix) (LW: 22 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 22)

OUT : Cub Sport - O Lord (LW: 23 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 17)

OUT : Goldfrapp - Everything Is Never Enough (LW: 24 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 24)

OUT : Filthy Friends - Despierta (LW: 25 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 25)

OUT : The Hound - Can't Let You Go (LW: 29 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 29)

OUT : Rainbow Riots - Freedom (LW: 35 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 12)

OUT : Ricky Rebel - If You Were My Baby (LW: 36 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 36)

OUT : Arturo Cardelús - Sherwin and Jonathan (In a Heartbeat OST) (LW: 38 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 34)

OUT : Garek - Mr. Kellyanne Conway (LW: 39 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 28)

OUT : The Human - The Uninvited Guest (LW: 40 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 40)

OUT : Lazaro Carrasco - Feliz de mentira (LW: 43 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 42)

OUT : Projekt 100% MENSCH - Wir sind Eins (LW: 46 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 16)

OUT : Bjartmar Thordarson - Hollow (LW: 47 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 47)

OUT : Courtney Barnett & Kurt Vile - Over Everything (LW: 48 / WO: 1 / PEAK: 48)

OUT : BFF - Techno Gym Love Affair (LW: 50 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 44)

  01 (+ 43) : Logic feat. Alessia Cara, Khalid - 1-800-273-8255 (LW: 44 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

This powerful music video, which is also a promotion for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, follows a gay teen couple and is the incarnation of the "It Get Better" slogan.

 02 (+ 3) : Leon Else - What I Won't Do (Lyric Video) (LW: 05 / WO: 14 / PEAK: 02)

The British singer has recently came out on Facebook.

 03 (+ 14) : Kevin Chomat - Sens Interdit (LW: 17 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 03)

This new single of the French singer reached the top 10 YouTube trending in France. His first album will be released next September 25, 2017.

 04 (+ 5) : Alfie Arcuri - If They Only Knew (LW: 09 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 04)

This is the new music video of the winner of The Voice Australia 2016. What must do a gay man when he's in love with his best male friend, who's dating his best female friend?

 05 (+ 25) : P!nk - What About Us (LW: 30 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 05)

The music video includes audio contents from the tragic events in Charlottesville for denouncing the hate speeches from the supremacist movements, and shows several people dancing under the intimidating eye of the authorities, including two men together.

 06 (+ 39) : Alvin Point - Il a dit (LW: 45 / WO: 51 / PEAK: 01 (x4))

The first single of the 24 years old singer is talking about a romantic gay love story. The title means "he said".

 07 (+ 20) : Wrabel - The Village (LW: 27 / WO: 7 / PEAK: 04)

This engaging song was written the day after US President Trump removed new federal protections for trans students in public schools last February. Trans actor August Aiden plays the role of a young transgender who tries to be himself despite the hostility of his father in the music video.

 08 (=) : Eli Lieb - Shangri La (LW: 08 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 03)

Eli Lieb is completely bare in his new music video.

 09 (- 5) : Myckael SG - Strong or Best (alternate version) (LW: 04 / WO: 4 / PEAK: 04)

 10 (+ 24) : Lizzo - Good As Hell (LW: 34 / WO: 40 / PEAK: 02)

This is taken from the EP "Coconut Oil".

 11 (+ 5) : Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes (Official Audio) (LW: 16 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 11)

The British singer is back with a new upcoming album.

 12 (- 2) : Kevin Chomat - Un homme à terre (LW: 10 / WO: 32 / PEAK: 01 (x3))

For his third single, the French singer is talking about infidelity, with his boyfriend who cheated on him.

 13 (NEW) : Zayn feat. Sia - Dusk Till Dawn (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 13)

 14 (- 3) : La Prohibida - Baloncesto (LW: 11 / WO: 9 / PEAK: 03)

 15 (- 12) : Martin Garrix & Troye Sivan - There For You (LW: 03 / WO: 16 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

 16 (- 4) : Benny - Boys Will Be Boys (LW: 12 / WO: 37 / PEAK: 02)

It took two years for the 17 years old YouTuber Ben J. Pierce to release a new music video after "Little Game", but the wait was worth it, because it's really good. It talks about toxic masculinity and the effects it can have on a person.

 17 (+ 2) : Benny - Never Apart (LW: 19 / WO: 15 / PEAK: 17)

His new single is a tender gay youth love declaration.

 18 (- 3) : Paris Bang Bang - Poseída (LW: 15 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 15)

The drag queen is from Mexico City.

  19 (- 13) : Michele Bravi - Solo Per Un Po' (LW: 06 / WO: 18 / PEAK: 01 (x1))

The Italian singer has came out earlier this year, just before coming fourth in the San Remo 2017 music festival in the Champion category. This single is the second single of his album  "Anime di carta" which reached #1 in the top album in Italy.

 20 (NEW) : Marc Devigne - Çà va (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 20)

From the Canadian TV miniseries "Shadowlands", Marc Devigne and Charlie David play a couple whose time together is cut short. Originaly posted on Vimeo.

 21 (- 14) : Harel Skaat - Radio (LW: 07 / WO: 20 / PEAK: 01 (x3))

This is the new single of the Israeli singer, shoot in Paris.

 22 (- 1) : PVRIS - What's Wrong (LW: 21 / WO: 13 / PEAK: 01 (x2))

A portion of every ticket sold for their upcoming fall tour will be donated to The Ally Coalition in support of LGBTQ equality.

 23 (- 22) : Greyson Chance - Back on the Wall (LW: 01 / WO: 8 / PEAK: 01 (x2))

The 19 years old singer has recently came out on Instagram. He was revealed with his cover of Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" at a school talent show 7 years ago (almost 60 millions views on YouTube) and is produced by Ellen DeGeneres.

 24 (RE-ENTRY) : Neon Trees - Feel Good (LW: - / WO: 5 / PEAK: 17)

After a break for his first solo album "Excommunication", Tyler Glenn goes back with his band for a new song.

 25 (NEW) : MRSHLL 마샬 - Circle (visuals) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 25)

Sadly, there isn't an entire music video yet for the first solo track of the first openly gay kpop singer.

 26 (+ 11) : Beth Ditto - We Could Run (LW: 37 / WO: 5 / PEAK: 10)

This is taken from her first solo album "Fake Sugar."

 27 (+ 22) : Tom Bleasby - Where Is The Love (audio) (LW: 49 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 27)

The former contestant of X-Factor UK has recently came out publicly as gay.

 28 (RE-ENTRY) : GAREK - Stray (LW: - / WO: 49 / PEAK: 01 (x2))

The single taken from the album "Take the King" is a conversation with his 8-year-old self about accepting who he is, the talk he wishes he had as a child, because he "spent so many years hating [himself] because [he] listened to the voices around [him] saying that people like [him] were disgusting".

 29 (- 16) : Autoheart - My Hallelujah (LW: 13 / WO: 11 / PEAK: 11)

 30 (NEW) : Superfruit - How You Feeling? (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 30)

This is the eighth single taken from their first album "Future Friends".

 31 (NEW) : George Michael feat. Nile Rodgers - Fantasy (Audio) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 31)

This track is taken from "Listen without Prejudice/MTV Unplugged" – out in October 20th.

 32 (- 6) : MUNA - I Know A Place (LW: 26 / WO: 32 / PEAK: 01 (x2))

The new song of the L.A. queer trio band is an LGBT anthem which imagines a place where none of them would need to be afraid. This is taken from their first album "About U".

 33 (NEW) : Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy (Arnaud Rebotini Remix) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 33)

This classic gay anthem is a remix for the OST of the French movie "120 battements par minute", which depicts a group of HIV/AIDS activists in the early 1990s. The movie won the Grand Prix in the 2017 Cannes Film Festival.

 34 (NEW) : Brockhampton - Junky (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 34)

 35 (NEW) : ERASURE - Just A Little Love (Official Lyric Video) (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 35)

 36 (- 8) : Namuel - Yugoslavia (LW: 28 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 16)

The Chilean singer is back, and is playing Adam and Steve in his new music video.

 37 (- 4) : Falko - Undercover (Official Lyric Video) (LW: 33 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 33)

It took 5 years to the former contestant of the Flemish version of Idol (he was 16 and out at this time) to release his second single.

 38 (- 18) : Mickey Taylor feat. ØMC - In The Night (LW: 20 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 20)

After "All Day", this is the part two of a 7 part series.

 39 (+ 2) : Superfruit - Worth it (LW: 41 / WO: 10 / PEAK: 02)

This is the third single of the duo taken from the "Future Friends - Part One" EP. The music video breaks down gender norms with these two young dancers.

 40 (RE-ENTRY) : LP - No Witness (A Night at The McKittrick Hotel) (LW: - / WO: 3 / PEAK: 18)

 41 (- 9) : Chester Lockhart - Save Me from Myself (LW: 32 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 32)

 42 (- 24) : Pabllo Vittar feat. Mateus Carrilho - Corpo Sensual (LW: 18 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 18)

The new song of the famous Brazilian drag queen is with one of the member of Banda Uó. Quente...

 43 (RE-ENTRY) : PVRIS - Anyone Else (LW: - / WO: 2 / PEAK: 31)

A portion of every ticket sold for their upcoming fall tour will be donated to The Ally Coalition in support of LGBTQ equality.

 44 (NEW) : Detonautas Roque Clube part. Leoni - Dias Assim (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 44)

This music video is full of straight, gay and lesbian kisses.

 45 (- 3) : Germán Díaz - Dentro de tí (LW: 42 / WO: 2 / PEAK: 42)

This is the new track of the Argentinian singer.

 46 (RE-ENTRY) : Ria Mae - Bend (LW: - / WO: 5 / PEAK: 07)

This is the new single of the Canadian singer.

47 (RE-ENTRY) : Tuure Boelius - Eikö sua hävetä (LW: - / WO: 2 / PEAK: 43)

This is the first single of the teenage Finnish YouTuber who came out last November 2016 at the age of 15 on YouTube.

 48 (NEW) : Tokio Hotel - Something New (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 48)

 49 (NEW) : State of Sound - Heaven (LW: - / WO: 1 / PEAK: 49)

This music video is full of straight, gay and lesbian kisses.

 50 (- 19) : Tom Goss - Click (The Interactive Music Video) (LW: 31 / WO: 3 / PEAK: 15)

This ambitious project is an interractive and immersive music video where you will have a total liberty for searching your future boyfriend or girlfriend. You have the choice between 11 love interests !

   ALSO NEW THIS WEEK

 Giovanni Falchetti - Entonces que somos

This is the new single of the Chilean singer based in Mexico.

 Michael Perry - Perfect Love

After "Underwear Model", this is his new single.

 Marc Almond - How Can I Be Sure

From the forthcoming album "Shadows & Reflections", out 22nd September.

 St. Vincent - New York

 NU3L - Ventre

 VIZIN - You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)

This is cover of the classic gay anthem by Sylvester.

 Chumina Power - Quiero un Ángel

Taken from the album "No Soy una Señora" from the Spanish drag queen.

 Pupi Poisson - Tienes to la cara

Taken from the OST of "Un marido para Pupi".

 Sunkee Angel - Slut Walk

This is the new song of the transgender singer, inspired by Amber Rose.

 MUNA - In My Way

Taken from the album "About U".

  Shamir - 90's Kids 

 Bonnie McKee - Thorns

 Macy Rodman - Born

 Michael Resin - Only Human

This is the new track of the Swiss singer.

    See you next week and don’t forget to vote for your best LGBTQA music videos ! Here are the rules :

1 ) You can vote for many videos as you want under the videos on YouTube in the comment section. It could be recent or past music videos, which must provide at least one among the following conditions:

- the music video has LGBTQA related content, in the lyrics or the music video

- the artist is LGBTQA, an LGBTQA icon or eventually ally

- LGBTQA medias talked about it.

2 ) You can’t vote more than 3 songs of a same artist per week.

3 ) In case of an artist who receive votes mostly by a fan base, we will count only one song, in a limited time of 10 weeks of presence in the top.

4 ) You can vote with only one account.

5 ) If you make 5 votes or less, your first vote will represent 5 points, your second vote 4 points, etc… until your last vote and following 1 point. If you make 6 to 10 votes, your first vote will represent 10 points, your second vote 9 points, etc… If you make more than 10 votes, your first vote will represent 20 points, your second vote 19 points, etc…

6 ) People who make 1 to 5 votes form the amateur ranking, those who make 6 to 10 votes form the fan ranking, those who make more than 10 votes form the expert ranking. We form the jury ranking. The Gay Music Chart is the addition of the four charts. In case of equality, the number of votes and the dates of votes will count.

7 ) The votes will close on Thursday, 8 PM, European time.