#also remember to try and be apart of the solution

[oifaaa]

Before your art gained more traction, how did you deal with not having much interaction/many views of your art? I understand that art isn't just for an audience, but it can be frustrating when only a few people see something you've worked on!

Never really had that problem to be honest when I started posting my art to tumblr most of it was getting like 40 to 500 notes which I was ecstatic about bc it definitely didn't deserve that but it was also 2017/2018 and easier to get notes - if you want some advice tho on how to get more notes on your art - play to bigger fandoms and try to be funny/creative/funny and creative - your trying to get people to reblog your art which is way harder now then it used to be but from my experience people are more likely to reblog art if its funny or part of an interesting au

[twilightcitysky]

Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 2)

Part one here

Okay, so that's how I think the pre-creation scene and Gabriel's arc connect to Aziraphale's choice. I also think the ineffable bureaucracy speedrun exists to prove totally different things to Aziraphale and Crowley: Aziraphale loves that they can love each other but notes they have to run away to be together; Crowley sees this and immediately thinks "hey, we can do that too!", forgetting that running away is not a solution Aziraphale has ever been interested in. It's the mentality of an individualist vs a group-oriented mind, and neither of them is necessarily wrong, it's just that their priorities are different and they HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT, which they don't.

Continued analysis under the cut:

3. Let's take the Job minisode. Why include it? We already mentioned that it proves Aziraphale remembers Crowley as an angel, since he mentions it. And he believes Crowley is the same person he always was, and that he doesn't want to harm Job's crops or animals or children. Crowley tries to convince him he's a Big Bad Demon who is all in on this assignment, but fails utterly to kill even a single goat, soooo... Aziraphale comes to the conclusion that he knows what Crowley wants. Alert! Alert! This is a big problem! Crowley says, "What do you know about what I want?" Aziraphale: "I know you." Crowley: "You do not know me." But because Aziraphale got it right this time, he goes ahead assuming he'll always get it right, which is a crucial failure when it comes to the final reckoning. He doesn't ever ASK Crowley what he wants, he just assumes. When you assume you know what someone wants, you usually assume their priorities align with yours... he couldn't be more wrong about that. The Job minisode sets up this dynamic for them, and they never really manage to change it.

The other thing happens at the end of the minisode. Crowley acknowledges two crucial points: 1) he's lonely ("But you said it wasn't!" "I'm a demon. I lied"), 2) he doesn't think Aziraphale would like Hell. Aziraphale DOESN'T like Hell. Aziraphale hates Hell for what they've done to Crowley. He doesn't see Heaven as innocent or benign, but importantly, Heaven has never tried to hurt Crowley directly. They never threatened his safety. They never tortured him (as it's heavily implied that Hell did). Fast forward to the last ten mins of season 2: Aziraphale excited to tell Crowley that he can be an angel again BECAUSE: he never has to go back to Hell. They can never hurt him again, not the way they did before. And he doesn't have to be lonely anymore.

Last point before I leave Job: Crowley has the chance to cause Aziraphale to Fall, here, probably. ("I lied to Heaven to thwart the will of God!" "You did, but I'm not going to tell anybody. Are you? ...good, then nothing has to change.") He doesn't take it. He doesn't want Aziraphale to be a demon. He loves Aziraphale as he is. "Angel" as an affectionate. Aziraphale certainly doesn't use "demon" as a pet name for Crowley. I think they set up this scene to contrast the final one, and show how deeply hurt Crowley is that Aziraphale suggest he change.

4. Moving on to Victorian Scotland. This one confused me at first. I was delighted that they brought back the "the lower you start the more opportunity you have to rise" dialogue from the book, but apart from that I didn't really see the point of it. It seems like the statue of Gabriel and the fact that he and Beelz ended up at that pub in the present were more or less coincidental.

The point, I think, is actually not the girl, but the doctor. He's a person who is trying to do good by working in a system that's deeply flawed, and engaging in questionable moral practices for the greater good. (Cadaver dissection is still an essential part of medical school. You need dead bodies to understand living ones.) He shows Aziraphale a tumor he removed from a child who died, and Aziraphale clutches it to his chest. The camera zooms in and lingers to tell us that this is a guardian through and through. He wants to protect people. He wants to do good with every fiber of his being.

To Crowley, it's enough to just "be an us" with Aziraphale. He doesn't really want anything more than that. That's an issue! For one thing, it fosters unhealthy codependency, and for another, Aziraphale would never be happy without the opportunity to help and protect people. It's an essential part of who he is. Metatron knows that, and he plays Aziraphale like a fiddle. The doctor showed Aziraphale that you can make a difference even in systems that are flawed, and even if you have to do things you'd rather not do. Aziraphale doesn't want to go back to Heaven, but he truly thinks he can change things; thinks he can be a guardian with some real power. In his mind, that's the right thing to do.

Last thing that happens in Scotland: Crowley saves a soul from Hell, arguably, by preventing a suicide. He gets in Big Trouble. Whatever happened to him downstairs resulted in him coming back up, leaning on a cane, and asking Aziraphale to give him holy water. Go back and watch that scene knowing what we know now about the Victorian minisode. Ask yourself how Aziraphale must have felt. He likely blamed himself for what happened, because if he hadn't meddled then they never would have been there in the first place. He knew where Crowley was, and why he was there, and he had to sit with that knowledge for years. He desperately wants Crowley to be safe; is perfectly willing to push him away to keep him safe-- which is what he does do, the minute Crowley gets back.

Now think again about what Metatron offered him. A chance to keep Crowley safe forever. He'd never be harmed again. Aziraphale is going to take that offer, no matter what else is asked of him. He's shown over and over again that he'll sacrifice his own happiness to make sure nothing happens to Crowley. And he'll do it without talking to Crowley about it first, because he is a moron who doesn't know how to use his words. Leading Crowley to assume that Aziraphale doesn't love him. The idiot angel is doing it all out of love, but because he doesn't make himself clear Crowley doesn't know that.

Part 3: Maggie and Nina, and their roles as mirror couple/ Greek chorus!

[prone-to-fleeting-obsessions]

Dating Veritas Ratio hc's

Out of all the hsr men, I'd imagine he'd be the most irritated figuring out he has a crush

A crush? A stupid little manifestation of his irrational emotions???

He'll stew over it a while, picking it apart like the most complex of equations, his stoic expression not wavering

So what if he's around you often? So what if he unconsciously seeks you out, it doesn't mean anything...

He'll hammer that narrative over and over until it becomes truth, or as close to truth as his mind will allow

You'll act like a married couple, though

He'll scold you without any real irritation, eyes narrowing as he pulls you closer to just fix the problem himself

A leaf in your hair? Your sleeve unrolled? Coffee stain on your shirt?

Honestly, how could you be such a careless mess...

Wait, no. No don't go, you're his careless mess—

It'll become a new normal to just have him occasionally once over your appearance, looking for things he can fix and doing so without a word

He also takes it upon himself to make you a healthier and more rounded person

No you're not eating garbage calories for the third meal in a row, yes you are drinking a full glass of water as he reads you excerpts from his book on how quantum chemistry applies to theoretical engineering under Nous's 63rd law of imaginary quantum information science, and there will be a quiz after so pay attention

If asked about why he's often seen by your side, he'll usually answer with a glare and an insult, commenting on the lack of even borderline decent conversationalists around

You're probably not really going to get an actual confession out of him, because that would force him to admit defeat to those annoyingly persistent feelings that just won't leave him be

If you take the initiative of backing him into a corner, you get to watch him flounder a bit, an expression of agitation and a growing warmth throughout his whole body as he skirts the topic with overly complex excuses

He's a big fan of doing different things in the same space, talking isn't necessary

Occasionally, when he remembers you're still there, he'll glance up from his book to see how you're faring, before getting back into it

He has a bit of a staring problem, in a way

It's just that he's so up in his head often, usually easily loosing sight of his surroundings, and you just happen to be the most pleasing thing to keep his eyes on

He'll look away when he notices you staring back, but it's not long before you feel his eyes trained on you again, as if studying every little movement as he works out equations in his head

Of course he does need alone time, usually spent reading in the bath

But that period seems to be getting shorter and shorter as his focus is constantly broken by unconditionally looking around to find you while deep in thought

He will absolutely use you as a blank canvas to throw ideas and thoughts on if he can't work through something in his head

By explaining it to you in mind numbing detail, he'll usually run headfirst into the solution, and it's a treat to watch his eyes widen ever so slightly as he pauses, immediately thanking you curtly before moving straight to writing

Your sense of curiosity is his favorite trait, the one he wants to nurture and encourage you to feed

He's not expecting you to be as smart as him, that would be an impossible expectation, but he will not allow you to give in to ignorance, to get in the habit of complacency, as it is the enemy of growth

He's an intimidating figure to most, both from his status and sharp tongue, so it's not uncommon for low-level scientists with something to prove to seek you out

Sometimes to get information on him, sometimes to test your intelligence, as if trying to prove themselves better than the company the great Dr. Ratio chooses to keep

He's quick to nip that in the bud, though

His crossed arm stoic faced glare would scare away anyone who isn't keen on being picked apart verbally

He'll claim it's all to avoid tainting you with their idiocracy, and that you really shouldn't keep such company

Tries to use selfish logical excuses constantly to get things he wants from you

"I've already chosen your hotel room for this trip, it'll be next to mine so I don't have to travel as far to compare notes in the morning."

"Honestly. You're coming with me to dinner so I won't waste my time working around your schedule later."

"No. You are absolutely not going to get a closer look at those monsters because I'm not cleaning up the mess you'll no doubt get yourself into by being so reckless."

"You're really going to waste your valuable time entertaining those IPC buffoons? They have more credits than brain cells. Stay here, lest their ignorance rub off on you."

He means well, under the insults and unapproachable demeanor

And, at a certain point, he really can't imagine the rest of his life without you close by

[hannieehaee]

them accidentally ditching you on your bday pt. 2 - vu

content: angsty, gender neutral, established relationship, etc.

part 1

wc: 4512

a/n: lmk if u want a pu ver pls <3 if there's part i forgot to make gender neutral pls lmk!!

masterlist

jeonghan -

jeonghan had no idea what to do. he'd never been in this position before. he prided himself in being a good friend and specially boyfriend. nothing in this world mattered to him more than his loved ones, which was why he was extremely disappointed in himself at having disregarded you and hurt your feelings in such a careless way. he knew it was your birthday, and he had wanted so badly to be with you, but he had been an idiot and let it slip his mind. there was no other way to put it. it made him sad more than anything, to know that you had spent the night worried over him only to wake up to zero communication from him, having spent a good 14 hours into your birthday without any word from him. he needed to fix this, he just didnt know how.

this was so unlike him. jeonghan had always known himself to be an attentive person. he noticed any time you changed your hair almost immediately, he'd notice new additions to your recipes, he'd take note of any time you switched things up in your apartment, he'd remember any and every important date. even now. he had remembered it, except he had skipped over it due to his idiocy, which really only made it worse.

after getting mocked by joshua for ten minutes as he racked his brain to find a solution, he decided to just improvise. he'd go to your apartment and see if you'd at least let him in to try and explain his way through an apology. he would pull all the dramatics if he had to. there was not a single care for his dignity in his mind right now. nothing would prevent him from showing you his utmost remorse.

only thirty minutes later and he was now outside your apartment window, looking up from his secluded spot inside the complex's garden. he pondered about calling you, but decided that going for a more unconventional route might do the trick a bit better. spotting some pebbles nearby, he grabbed a few, beginning to chuck them at your window. okay, kind of corny, but knowing you, he knew you'd appreciate the thought. he spent an unfortunate ten minutes throwing pebble after pebble until you finally opened your window, sticking your head out as soon as you spotted him down below.

"jeonghan. what the hell are you doing?", you seemed and sounded pissed. but, hey! that was a good sign. at least you were acknowledging his presence.

"my love!', he clutched at his heart, 'let me come see you. please. i want to apologize."

"fuck you, yoon jeonghan. why dont you go treat your hangover somewhere else?", you went to close your window, only to stop in your tracks as he yelled out again.

"wait! do you want me to beg? i will. i love you. i dont care what i have to do. i'll climb to the roof and profess my love for you for all of seoul to hear," yes, he was being overly dramatic, but he was also being genuine. if you actually wanted him to scream out to the world how much he regretted his stupidity, he would. you didnt even have to ask.

but he also knew public displays were a huge no for you, dating an idol and knowing the controversies being known as the significant other of the yoon jeonghan would bring. he was putting you in a bit of a spot. you could either let him up to apologize, or wake up to some ominous article stating yoon jeonghan of seventeen might be taken.

fortunately for him, you chose the former, which now placed him in your living room as you crossed your arms and huffed at him. okay, one step at a time. it was time to put jokes aside and get serious.

"angel ... i'm so sorry," he cooed at you, stepping forward a bit.

"jeonghan, dont talk to me like im a baby. im not in the mood."

"but you are my baby," he pouted at you, "you're my angel, my everything. i'm sorry. i didnt show you how much you mean to me last night. all i want to do is love you and take care of you. you can punish me all you want. i deserve it. but please let me sleep in your arms. im already away from you most of the time. dont deprive me one more day," and he meant all he said. you were his favorite form of comfort, and the thought of you being angry or hurt by him made him scared. he never wanted to risk you being ripped away from his arms, specially not due to his own doing.

"jeonghan ..."

"no, wait. i'm sorry. i shouldve never forgotten. i dont know how it happened. all i ever want to do every day is come back home to you, but i did the opposite on the worst day possible. i'll apologize over and over until you forgive me if that's what it takes. please just let me be with you on your birthday. i dont want you alone. i dont want you sad. i want you happy and content in my arms. please? i love you."

he mustve broken you down, as you landed in his arms immediately after he finished his speech. he couldve sworn he saw you eyes puffy and swollen before he wrapped his arms around you. his suspicion was confirmed just seconds later when he heard you sniffle against him.

"aigooo, no angel. dont cry. didnt wanna make you cry. you're making me look like such a bad guy, baby, making you cry on your birthday," he cooed at you as he held you as tight as possible.

you separated yourself from him, finally looking into his eyes while he caressed your cheeks, wiping any lone tears in them, "im so sorry, angel. forgive me? let me stay, please."

"yes, hannie. i love you."

"i love you so much more," and he'd spend the rest of his life the day showing that to you.

joshua -

joshua had not been this hungover in a while. he wasnt sure how this happened. last thing he remembered was his manager rushing him into a car right after the award show, letting the group know they'd been invited to an after party, and the company had deemed it smart to be in attendance for public image purposes. all members agreed enthusiastically, excited to mingle among their peers and maybe make some new connections in the process. joshua had been the lone member to be skeptical, knowing he had promised he'd be back to the hotel at an appropriate time in order to get on the phone with you and celebrate what was remaining of your birthday with you despite the current distance between you. however, he did not want to get in the way of his members' fun, so he kept any objections to himself and joined them with matching enthusiasm.

his original plan was to roam the party for an hour or so, which wouldve allowed him to get back to call you on time, but ironically, time got away from him. the next thing he knew, he was waking up at 11am in the morning in mingyu's hotel room, head pounding and phone full of unread notifications. he wasnt sure how this happened. the last thing he remembered was being at the party, margarita in hand as he and his members drank their souls away in celebration of yet another successful award show season. it was around three margaritas in that joshua had begun to disregard his phone, and with that you as well. as soon as he saw the dejection in your messages upon waking up, he spammed you with texts and voice memos expressing his regret, but received no response from you. he had hurt you and now you were ignoring him. and with good reason.

joshua knew that there wasnt much he could do from his current location, specially while you were (justifiably) icing him out. so he committed to his next best option. he immediately booked a ticket back to korea, letting his manager know that he'd just be returning home two days in advance to the rest of the members. all they had scheduled left was an interview tomorrow, so his absence would probably not have that big of an effect. five grueling hours later and he arrived to korea, exhausted and still slightly hung over, but with a whole speech planned to beg for your forgiveness.

in the process, he had tried calling you again and again, still earning no response. this disheartened him, making him think that maybe his grand gesture would only be taken negatively. he picked up some flowers on the way, gift he had bought in japan a few days ago in hand, ready to knock on your apartment door. despite the exhaustion, he was here. a day late to celebrate your birthday, but still here nonetheless.

your face upon answering the door had been of surprise, not anger like he feared, but that only lasted for a few seconds until you started to berate him.

"joshua? what are you doing here?"

"baby, i'm so so sorry. can i come in? please?"

you moved aside without further words, gesturing for him to continue talking.

he suddenly remembered the flowers and boxed gift in hand, signaling to them before handing them to you, "oh, these are for you," he felt extremely inadequate, something that was very rare for him. he had practiced a whole speech, a whole profession of love and regret, but now his mind was blank. you just looked so. disappointed. he couldn't stand it.

'i'm sorry. i- i have no good excuse. the party got the best of me and i completely spaced out on our plans. i never meant to forget about you. please believe me.'

"joshua ... this was your idea. you had me waiting all night just to ghost me. you spent my birthday partying without even thinking of me."

he grabbed onto your hands, placing the flowers and gift on the table before doing so. he held onto you as he began to get exasperated in his speech, "there's no world in which i wasn't thinking of you. you're all thats ever on my mind. i didnt even wanna go to that stupid party, but i didnt want to inconvenience anyone. please, i- i wanted to call you. i ... yeah, i got drunk and distracted. and thats my fault. im sorry. i came back early to be with you. to make up for being a dumbass. please let me make it up to you. please? i'll serenade you like i promised. i'll get on my knees. do you want me to get on my-"

you interrupted him as he began to kneel halfway through his speech, slapping at him lightheartedly as he began to get more dramatic by the second. he knew it was hard for you to get angry at him when he started pulling all stops like he did. he came back and begged on his knees, even offered to express his love to you through song. he was making you hold in your laugh. these were all good signs, right?

"you .. you're such an idiot, hong jisoo. i hate you," but he knew you didnt mean it. he could hear and see the smile on your face, knowing he had been successful at wearing you down.

"if you ever do this again, ill date jeonghan instead."

"ouch!", he dramatically grabbed onto his chest, as if you'd just wounded his heart, causing you to laugh, "hannie? okay, can't blame you. he's pretty cute," he chuckled, "but for now ... let me spend the day with my love? hmm?", he pulled you closer, nuzzling his nose against yours as you feigned annoyance at him.

"fine," you rolled your eyes, "i'm still mad at you, though."

yeah, he had a lot of making up to do, but this was a start.

jihoon -

jihoon had not stopped beating himself up over his actions ever since you hung up the phone. he had spent the entirety of the day rethinking all his choices leading up to this. he had wanted to go running to you and apologize, but you had specifically asked him to stay away, so he wanted to respect your wishes. still, he felt like complete and utter shit at the way he disregarded you so easily. he wished he could go back in time and slap some sense into himself.

he had always been scared. scared that his job would someday get in the way of your relationship. it had been so hard for him to find someone to love; someone who loved him just as much. and the moment he found you he treasured you more than anything, but now his stupid workaholic tendencies had gotten in the way. he was terrified right now that you'd start to see the error in your choice to be with him. that you'd want to find someone who wouldnt so easily put his job over everything else.

it was now 11am of the following day, and you had not called him yet. he was beginning to get worried. were you icing him out? had he hurt you that badly? he could never blame you for feeling hurt at his neglect, but he could also not help his own feelings of dejection at you ignoring him due to your anger. alas, he still gave you all reason; this had been his own doing.

he waited a couple hours before giving up on waiting, instead choosing to confide in a few of his members to inquire as to what they'd do if they ever pulled something like this with their own significant others. after being scolded for a good few minutes due to his carelessness towards you, they told him that maybe showing up to your apartment as a demonstration of his affection to you (joined by a sincere apology, of course) would make you look his way again.

so now he was here, about to knock on your door with your favorite flowers in hand. he was terrified. the two of you had never fought. there had never been a single time in which you'd hurt each other's feelings. it had all been nothing but love and tenderness in your relationship thus far. he was your best friend, and you were his. yet he had no idea how to communicate to you how much you meant to him, and how much of a stupid mistake his slip up had been.

before he could think further, he forced himself to knock on your door, hoping you wouldnt immediately throw him out. to his surprise, you opened the door and even wordlessly gestured for him to enter. you looked ... sad. you looked the way he'd feel had you ghosted him on his own birthday. yeah, he didnt care much for his birthday, but your absence would wound him nonetheless. he imagined it felt the same for you.

"i ... i'm so sorry. i dont know what to say .. i- i fucked up. so badly. i have no idea how or why i forgot. there's nothing i can do to make up for it, but please know im so fucking sorry."

"jihoon ... how? you picked my birthday of all days to lock yourself in your studio? i've never judged your busy schedule. i understand your career. i respect it. i get that you cant help being busy. your job is too demanding of your time, but for you to ignore me when you had full control of your free time? why?", he could see how disappointed you felt at his neglect; how hurt you felt at him, not only through your words, but through your closed off body language. you were hugging yourself with your arms, not holding eye contact as you stared anywhere but into his eyes. despite your confident words, your demeanor was deflated. and it was his fault.

"it was- it was a mistake. it was all my fault. i cant argue my way around it. but i love you. i didnt .. i didnt mean to neglect you. you're all i think about. every song ive ever written, even before meeting you, was about you. you're everything. i'm just an idiot. i dont know how to do this ... ive never loved like this. i have no idea what to do when i fuck up. all i can do is promise you to be better. please give me a chance to be better. i'll be more attentive. i know i'm cold, and im not too affectionate, but i love you. i'll make it up to you. please, just dont let this be the end. i'll keep you in my studio with me whenever i lock myself away. won't ever go a day without letting you know what im doing, how im doing. please. i'll do anything to show you."

he worried his ramble mightve been too much, feeling to scared to even hold eye contact with you as he went on and on about how much he loved you. unexpectedly, upon looking up, he found your reddened eyes, with a stuffy nose to match. fuck. had he hurt your feelings again?

"jihoon ... i- i love you. i'm sorry. i cant believe you could ever think i wanted this to be the end. i was hurt and mad- i am hurt, but i love you," you sniffled your way through your short speech, but jihoon heard it perfectly fine. these were the words he prayed to hear from you all of last night as he stayed up thinking about you.

"fuck. thank god," he couldnt help himself in hugging you, holding you tightly against his arms, and sighing in relief at your reciprocation, "i love you. i'll take the week off. let me take you away and show you how much you mean to me. please? will you come with me?"

"yes, jihoon. i love you."

"i love you. you have no idea."

seokmin -

seokmin felt extremely scared. you weren't answering any of his calls. he knew you were physically okay, but he also knew your feelings were hurt, and you were probably extremely angry at him. you had all reason to be angry at him. he ditched you and kept you in the dark all day. on your birthday! seokmin had never been in a situation like this before. he had always prided himself in being the best boyfriend that one could ever be, even sometimes introducing himself as your boyfriend instead of with his own name. except today he had disappointed both you and himself beyond belief.

he knew you'd asked him to stay away for the night, and he'd usually respect your one and every wish, but today he needed to go against the current and go and beg for your forgiveness.

in very non-seokmin fashion, he exited the event just as quickly as he'd arrived, not even caring to say goodbye to his friends. you were his number one priority, after all. specially today of all days. he had his driver stop by a flower shop on the way, hoping the innocent gesture would maybe have you show some mercy on his stupidity.

he showed up to your apartment immediately after, having mentally prepared a whole speech for you on the way there. he was going to tell you how much he loved you, and how this was just a completely stupid slip of his mind, that this would never happen again, but all these thoughts left his mind as soon as you opened the door, eyes swollen and glossy. every rational thought went out the window upon spotting your saddened state causing seokmin's eyes to match your own as he felt himself begin to tear up. he couldnt help himself in immediately embracing you in a tight hug, thanking god when he felt you hold him back.

you two sniffled against each other for a bit, neither of you full on crying, but still being overly emotional at the situation. seokmin mumbled endless apologies against your hair, running his hands up and down your back as if to soothe you. he was over the moon to hear an 'i love you' from you in the middle of your sorrowful mumbles against his chest, doubling the sentiment as he cried to you how much he loved you and how badly he regretted letting you slip his mind for even a second. when he pulled back, he expressed the same sentiment all over again.

"my baby ... i love you so much. please let me make it up to you. i- i brought you flowers!", he finally recalled the flowers he had dropped as soon as you closed the door behind him ten minutes ago, "i know it doesnt make up for anything, but please let it be a start. i'll do anything you want. just want you to never cry over me like this again, baby. i love you too much to make you cry," he wiped at your tears as he said this, caressing your cheeks while he looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes.

"minnie," you pouted at him, "stay the night? please? want you at least for the bit that's left of today."

"today? oh, baby. i'm giving you my whole week. told you i was gonna make it up to you. i'll do everything you want, my love. now let me take you to bed, yeah? wanna hold my beautiful angel to sleep."

he slept soundly that night, knowing you had somehow forgiven him and even given him the privilege to hold you in his sleep, also knowing he'd do anything and everything necessary to make up for his stupid mistake.

seungkwan -

he had put literally everyone else above you. on your birthday. there was truly no other way to spin it. he had never felt more guilt in his life, and it was all completely on him. having even thought of going out with his friends on your birthday shouldve given him the first red flag in his stupid plan. why didnt he just bring you along? god, he was such an idiot. and then allowing mingyu and dongmin to entice him into a two hour long live broadcast just to secure some fanservice was just the nail in the coffin.

he knew he hurt you badly. he had promised you he'd be there, but had just left you in the dark all day. he couldnt blame you for not wanting to see him today, but now he was stuck tossing and turning in his bed as he itched to hold you in his arms. he had called the company immediately after your call, letting them know he'd be skipping the usual dance practice and recordings in favor of being with you, which is what he should've done all day today.

it wasnt long until he grew too restless to simply stay in bed while he knew you were probably in a similar position, except most likely sad and angry. he couldnt help himself when he decided to head to you, feeling bad at calling up his driver at such late hours of the night. the journey to your apartment was a short one, which left him with little time to think over what he'd say to you in order to convey his regret. he didnt care much for what he said, he just wanted to alleviate your hurt somehow.

just as he expected, you were awake, now standing in front of him as you opened the door to your apartment. your eyes were puffy, a huge indicator that you'd been crying. your eyes also wouldnt meet his, with your eyebrows lowered in clear sadness. seeing you and knowing your current state was his fault felt like a kick in the gut. he had never made you cry before, so he was extremely disappointed in himself. worst of all, seeing you cry made him start to tear up a bit himself.

"baby ..."

"what do you want, kwan? i thought you were busy all day," your words carried venom behind them, but your delivery was still of someone who had been hurt.

"no, baby. you know that's not true. i'm never too busy for you. i'm so sorry. i was such an idiot. there arent enough apologies i could give you. i- i never meant to hurt your feelings."

"you still did."

"i ... i know. i'm sorry. i love you. the last thing i ever want is for you to be hurt by me. i never shouldve gone out with my friends to begin with. you're too understanding of my busy schedule, and i dont deserve it. i shouldve made time all day for you today."

"was ... was it that important? being gone today specifically?", you seemed insecure in your question, which only made seungkwan's heart soar at making you feel insecure around him in any way.

"no! no, of course not. i wasnt thinking. i shouldve told them id go with them next time, or taken you with me! i was so stupid, i'm sorry. you're my priority. i need you to know that."

"it's- it's fine, kwannie. i understand. you dont see your friends that often, you-"

"no! stop. dont try to rationalize it. i made a mistake. you dont have to cover for me. i hurt you and i made you feel unimportant when you're the most important person to me. im so sorry. please never doubt that. i get you all to myself so little, and staying away from you was such a stupid mistake."

more tears had started flowing down your cheeks the further the conversation went on. he wasnt sure if it was because you were touched by his words, or because he was failing at making you feel better. as he neared you enough to wipe your tears with his thumbs, he hoped it was the former.

"baby .. don't cry over me. please. i'm just an idiot. you should never cry over me. i only ever want you to feel good things when thinking of me. i- im so sorry."

"kwannie ... i love you. i understand. i know you dont want me to understand, but i do. you have to make your choices when you're as busy as you are, and .. even though it did make me feel unimportant, i get it."

"it'll never happen again. i'll- i'll keep you by my side day and night. let me- please let me keep you to myself tomorrow. just wanna be with you. please?"

for the first time in the night, he saw you shoot him a small smile, uttering the words he wanted to hear most, "yes, kwannie. will you .. will you stay? please"

"you don't even have to ask."

a/n: thank u to everyone who enjoyed this lil series aaaa i hope it was realistic enough T-T sorry if the reconciliation seemed rushed, i just didnt want any of them to end up with an angsty ending hehe also sorry for seokmin's being shorter than anyone's i just cannot imagine that man ever hurting anyone's feelings.

[stylesloveclub]

sunshine (part 3)

In which y/n just wants to get this whole virginity thing out of the way, and Harry needs to grovel a bit before she forgives him.

warnings: nonconsensual advances/kissing when drunk!!!

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Y/n is drunk. 

She doesn’t know who’s apartment she’s in, or what the drink in her cup is. She also doesn’t know where Maddie is, or how she’s going to get home tonight. All she knows is that she’s sad and drunk, standing alone in some random kitchen while a party goes on on the other side of the door.

It had been Maddie’s idea to take y/n out partying tonight. She saw y/n’s tear stained cheeks as soon as she walked through the door, and had immediately coaxed her sad roommate into her arms. “What’s wrong?” she’d asked y/n, pulling back and staring into y/n’s teary eyes. “Why didn’t you call me to pick you up?”

Y/n didn’t want to talk about it. She was too embarrassed to admit what happened, cringing everytime she remembered the way her heart broke when Harry laughed at her. She just wanted to forget about it. 

Maddie’s solution was going out and drinking. Y/n hesitantly agreed, as her other option would have been to lay in bed and cry, and that just seemed really sad and pathetic.

Now that she’s here though, her bed sounds a lot better than this party.

She’d taken three shots with Maddie and had been feeling fine for the first 15 minutes she was there – but then Maddie had been whipped away by a group of her friends, and y/n was left alone. The shots started to get to her, making her wobbly on her feet, and her head started to hurt from the flashing lights and pounding music. 

This really wasn’t her scene, and it didn’t help that she was all alone. 

She stumbled over to the makeshift bar looking for a drink, preferably water. But apparently there was no water anywhere in this college apartment, so she’d been given some spiked lemonade instead by some shirtless frat guy who had appointed himself as this party’s bartender. 

This was a terrible idea.

She just needed somewhere quiet to be sad! She hates having to walk past all the groups of people crammed into this living room. It’s hot and stuffy here and she feels dizzy and her eyes are dry from how much she cried before she got here. Someone steps on her foot, which makes her stumble sideways, and then she bumps into some tall girl who glares at her meanly and it makes y/n feel horrible and miserable and stressed out. 

She spends 10 minutes looking for Maddie, and though she fails to find her roommate, she does find an empty, quiet kitchen. She huffs out a sigh of relief. 

Finally, some peace and quiet. 

With her watered down, kinda gross, alcoholic lemonade in hand, she hops onto the kitchen countertop and swings her legs sadly. As hard as she may try, she is not a party girl at heart. She always ends up wanting to leave, and she always ends up feeling kinda lonely. 

And (honestly) she does not enjoy being drunk that much. It makes her wobbly and extra emotional. And it also makes her tummy turn a little bit. And her head is starting to pound on top of the way it’s spinning. 

She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the cabinets. She would give anything to just be back in her room with her books.

Someone bursts into the kitchen, and it makes y/n open her eyes with a startled jump. She stares at the person awkwardly as they totally walk past her, completely unaware that y/n was even in the kitchen at all. 

The kitchen newcomer is someone that she vaguely recognizes as one of Maddie’s friends – Jared, maybe? – she briefly wonders if he might know where her roommate is. 

Jared walks to the pantry and rummages through, retrieving a bag of BBQ chips which he pops open and starts devouring. The way he crunches and munches on the chips makes y/n cringe, but she says nothing and just sips her drink quietly. She hopes she can just go unnoticed…

Jared opens the fridge and the refrigerator light fills the dark kitchen, illuminating y/n’s silhouette. Jared finally notices her. 

“Yo…” he says, eyeing her up and down. “Y/n, right?”

She nods awkwardly, sipping her drink again. She’s gonna drink herself to oblivion simply because of all these nervous sips. 

“What’s up!” he says enthusiastically, putting the bag of chips down and wiping his crumby hands on his pants. 

“Um, nothing much,” she squeaks out. “Do you– do you know where Maddie is?” 

“Oh yeah, I was just with her outside! We got the munchies so m’getting us some snacks.” Y/n nods. At least she knows where Maddie is now. “What’re you doing in here all alone?” Jared asks. 

“I’m— um. Just wanted some quiet time, I guess.” She chews on the inside of her mouth nervously. 

“I was surprised when Maddie said you were here today…” Jared takes a step forward, standing right in front of her knees, “we don’t get to see you enough. You’re always hiding when we come over.”

She chuckles nervously. Another sip from her drink, no matter how gross it tastes.

Jared reaches a hand out to rest on y/n’s thigh. Her eyes bulge out of her head, her drunk head a little too woozy to comprehend what’s going on. His hand feels sweaty and invasive, unlike Harry’s… who felt warm and soft. 

Ugh. Harry. Stupid Harry. She pushes him out of her mind.

“You should hang out with us more…” Jared continues, using his hand to spread her legs so that he can step between them. Y/n, loose limbed and sluggish from the drinks, just lets it happen. It’s weird and kind of uncomfortable… but she has yet to formulate a true reaction. “I think we’d vibe…”

I think we’d vibe? Is that boy code for something? She blinks at Jared with tired eyes. She really just wants to be in her bed right now. 

“Can I kiss you?” Jared asks. Huh??? The confusion on y/n’s face must be apparent, because he chuckles and bites his lip. He has this weird look in his eyes that y/n thinks is supposed to be sultry but just makes him look kind of dumb. “Come on… it’d be fun.”

“Umm…” y/n is so confused. She hadn’t realized that this is where her conversation with Jared had been going, but now she feels like it’s obvious. His hands on her legs and then I think we’d vibe. This was Jared… making a move?

Normally, y/n would be repulsed at the thought of it. This would be nothing more than a drunk hookup with someone she doesn’t know or trust. She’d never do that! She’d push him away, and walk straight out of the kitchen without a second thought, because Jared is gross and y/n has standards. 

But that was old, romantic y/n. Present y/n is different.

“Ok,” she says simply. How bad could it be? It’s not like she’s saving her first kiss for someone special anymore. And maybe this time, she won’t bring up the fact that she’s a virgin! She’ll just go all the way, get it over with, and then nobody will be able to laugh at her–

Jared’s hot, wet lips make contact with y/n’s mouth. He tastes like barbeque chips and beer. His tongue immediately forces its way past her lips, licking into her mouth, and his hands unceremoniously migrate from her legs to her ass. He’s not gentle as he starts groping her ass, and y/n’s eyebrows furrow together uncomfortably. 

She tries to reciprocate the kiss – it had been so easy when it was with Harry! – but Jared kisses like a fish, his mouth agape while he sucks on her lips uncomfortably. His lips feel hard and tense, unlike Harry’s gentle kiss and soft, pink, candy lips. He groans as if he’s turned on and grinds his dick against y/n’s center.

Y/n can’t take it anymore. She pulls her lips off of Jared, too grossed out to even pretend to be into this kiss. Her mouth feels like it was invaded, and she’s realizing that her drunk brain has made a terrible lapse in judgment.

There was no way she’d be able to hook up with this guy, let alone kiss him for any longer! She was insane for even considering losing her virginity to some random guy. That’s just not her. She’s not random or spontaneous… she’s nervous and insecure and needs to feel loved and cherished when her first time comes around. Not … used and gross, the way she’s feeling now. And definitely not when she’s too out of it to even walk straight. 

She massively is starting to regret kissing Jared, and uses her hands to push him off.

“Um… I don’t–” Jared starts kissing down her neck, and y/n shrugs away. His kisses feel like a slobbery pitbull drooling all over her throat. “Let’s stop,” she says.

Jared either doesn’t hear her or just ignores her, now dry humping y/n. It feels gross and prepubescent, little ruts of this guy's dick against her most intimate region. When Harry had done it, it had been welcome. It had been Harry! The cute guy who would come sit in her room when there’s a party going on and would help her with math! But this is so… gross. She barely even knows this guy, and he’s making her feel yucky and wrong and uncomfortable.

She hates this – all of it – and tries to close her legs, but Jared’s hips are still between her thighs so she can’t. Her stomach is rolling, the aftertaste of Jared’s barbeque flavored tongue sitting in her mouth, and she’s feeling overwhelmed. “Stop,” she mumbles again, her hands pushing harder on his shoulders. 

“Hm, why?” Jared whispers, coming back up to kiss the corner of her mouth. She can smell the alcohol on his gross, hot breath, and she turns her head to the side, dodging him. 

“I don’t– I’m not–” she stammers over her words. Her cheeks are turning hot and she’s squeezing her eyes shut to try and regain composure. Jared is licking her earlobe now, and it feels horrible. She pushes harder. 

Neither of them hear Harry entering the kitchen.

He’d been lingering around the apartment quietly, the way he usually does at parties. His friends had noticed that he’s in a particularly bad mood tonight for some reason – but Harry doesn’t say anything about it. He just sulked quietly among the groups of people. 

Maddie had stomped her way over to him at some point that night, and grilled him for why y/n had come over so upset that day. “Harry!” she huffed, “What’d you do? Did you make y/n cry?”

His frown deepened, “She was crying?” 

“Yes!” Maddie blows her hair out of her face. “She was all sad and mopey. I brought her here for a good time but she was still pouty after, like, three shots. I thought you were helping her with math, what happened?” 

“She’s here?” Harry turns alert. He sits up, his brows furrowed in his grumpy way, a hint of concern in his eyes. “Where?”

Maddie shrugs. “I dunno. I lost her like an hour ago.”

He was up and searching for her immediately. He checked the bathrooms and all the empty rooms, walked around the apartment with attentive eyes, checked within the huddles of people to see if y/n was hanging around them. 

His last hope was the kitchen – but even then, it didn’t seem like she was in there. Just a couple making out, something that he didn’t want to impose on. He was just about to leave, when he heard the smallest, familiar voice, squeaking out stop. He looks a little closer. 

His heart stops when he realizes it’s y/n. 

“What are you doing?” Harry quickly steps forward, tugging Jared off of y/n.

Y/n snaps her legs shut now that Jared has been removed from between her thighs, while Jared turns around to face Harry with his hands in the air. “What the fuck, man?” Jared spits out.

“She said stop,” Harry fumes, taking a protective step in front of y/n. 

“Bro, fuck off, it’s none of your business–” he tries to reach a hand towards y/n, but Harry blocks him. “Do you know this guy?” Jared asks y/n.

She gives a disgruntled nod. She’s half thankful to see him because he interrupted that awful kiss with Jared, but the other half is sad and embarrassed and filled with the insecurity she felt when she’d left Harry’s apartment. When he’d kissed her and then laughed at her. 

“Get out,” Harry grunts to Jared, nodding his head to the door. His eyes are dark and mean, and even in the low light of the kitchen, Jared can tell that Harry is not the guy to mess with. 

“Whatever,” Jared scoffs, leaving the kitchen.

Harry turns around. “Are you okay?” he asks softly.

Y/n ignores him, hopping off the kitchen counter. Her left foot, however, has fallen asleep and twists underneath her weight painfully when she lands on the ground. Harry reflexively wraps his hand around her waist so that she doesn’t fall, and pulls her into his chest. 

“Hey, hey–” she tries to regain her footing, but this time the drinks in her system make her wobble side to side. Harry’s grip on her tightens, “Stop.” 

“Let go,” she whines, wriggling in his hold, “I don’t want to talk to you.” 

He lets go when she asks, not wanting her to feel scared or uncomfortable since she looks so out of it, but stands in front of her firmly, eyebrows furrowed. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” she sniffles.

“Who’s taking you?” he asks again, taking a step to the side to block her when she tries to walk around him.

She’s silent for a second, trying to figure out her options. “I’ll walk,” she decides.

He lets out an exasperated breath. “Y’can’t walk home right now.” She’s way too out of it, and it’s probably over a 30 minute walk. “Let me drive you.” 

“No,” she pouts, trying to brush past him again. “I’m not talking to you.” 

“M’sorry,” he sighs, “M’sorry for making you upset, I-I didn’t mean to.” He’d been confused when she’d left him so abruptly (he’d still been catching his breath and calming his heart from that kiss when she ran off), and dismayed when he found out he’d made her cry. His eyes are earnest and pleading, “please let me drive you home.”

She wipes her eyes, a few sad tears hanging on her lashes that she refuses to let fall. “Fine.”

But only because it’s cold outside and her head hurts and she’s too scared to walk home at night.

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“Are you cold?”

Y/n ignores Harry, staring out of the passenger’s side window while they’re stopped at a red light. 

“Y/n?”

Still no response. He sighs frustratedly. She’s obviously cold, with goosebumps on her skin and shivering in her seat. He reaches to the back seat and grabs one of his sweaters that he’d worn to class earlier, throwing it in her lap. “You can’t just ignore me all night.”

Y/n swallows thickly, eyeing the sweater in her lap, but refuses to put it on no matter how cold she is. “I’m fine.”

Harry looks over to her. She’s clearly not fine. 

Her voice sounds strained and teary, and he can practically feel the lump in her throat. She’s on the verge of tears, sitting in his car with glossy eyes, chewing the inside of her lip, a habit he’s noticed she only does when she’s sad or anxious. 

“Tell me what I did wrong, please. Talk to me.”

The first tear falls from her lashes. She’d done so good, holding in her emotions all night, not crying even though she was drunk and miserable! 

But Harry sounds so earnest and desperate. She wants to trust him, wants to revel in the comfort she only feels in his presence. But she can’t stop replaying the way he laughed at her in her head. 

“Please,” he begs. 

Her resolved crumbles. “You– you laughed at me,” She takes a shuddery breath, trying not to start sobbing. “When I told you I was a virgin. You thought it was funny.” 

Realization dawns on him, “oh, sunshine…”

“But it’s not funny. It’s normal!,” she continues, “ Like, I-I just want it to mean a lot.. I need it to be with someone I like, someone I trust. I can’t do casual, I’m-I’m not like that.” She wipes her tears away furiously, “and you laughed at me when I told you that!” 

“I wasn’t laughing at you!” he says desperately, but she huffs and rolls her eyes. The tears are falling freely at this point and he’s dying to wipe them away. He’s annoyed that the light turns green, forcing himself to look at the road and keep his hands on the wheel when all he wants is to hold y/n’s hands. “I-I get it, I’m sorry, that was dickish of me to laugh, but I wasn’t laughing at you!”

“Yes you were,” she grumbles petulantly, “You literally laughed in my face.��� 

“No,” They pull up to a stop sign and he glances over at her, “I was just… surprised! Cos you know… I just didn’t expect it. You’re cute and nice and I just… I was surprised. I thought you were just, like, playing a joke on me.” 

“Well, I wasn’t,” she huffs in her seat, crossing her arms angrily and staring out the window again.

“I-I’m sorry,” he says again. He looks over at her sadly, his heart aching. He wants it all to be right again, he can’t handle having her cry. “I get it… wanting to wait for someone special. I wouldn’t laugh at that– I think trust is the most important part.”

She sniffles, but stays quiet. 

It’s a few minutes later when she sadly squeaks out, “you were my first kiss, too.” 

Harry’s heart breaks in his chest. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna fix this.

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He parks in front of her apartment building when they get there, and rushes out of his seat to open y/n’s door for her. 

He tries to help her get out, offering his hand like a gentleman, but she refuses him and hops out of the car all by herself. She struggles to stay upright, though, desperately holding herself up with the car door as she stumbles, still pretty drunk and discombobulated. 

At some point during the car ride she decided to suck it up and put on Harry’s sweatshirt. Not because it was comforting and smelt like him. Just because it was cold outside. 

He follows behind her as she stomps up the stairs to her apartment door, and stands patiently for the next three minutes as she fumbles with her keys, trying to fit them in the lock. When she (as he expected) fails to open the door, she angrily shoves the keys into his hands and stands off to the side with crossed arms. 

He doesn’t find himself offended by her grumpy behavior. He deserves it, he supposes. Plus, it’s not that hard to deal with her angry huffs and little stomps and furrowed eyebrows. 

She’s a much cuter grump than he is, that’s for sure.

He unlocks the door for her and holds it open, and she beelines for her bathroom. She needs to brush her teeth immediately or else she might throw up from that horrible kiss. And her mascara is getting all clumpy and making her eyes sting. 

Harry goes to her kitchen, grabbing a pack of Advil that’s just sitting on the counter after filling up a glass of water for y/n from the Brita in the fridge. He hears a loud bang and a whiny owwwww from y/n’s bathroom, and chuckles to himself. She’s like a little clumsy baby deer. 

He remembers the last time, how many times she’d stumbled over herself, how many times she’d almost tripped and landed on her face. How he’d accidentally walked in on her changing last time. How sweet and soft she looked, tucked into her bed with her little stuffed bunny. 

He shakes his head to himself. He undoubtedly has a soft spot for her. She’s wriggled her way into his heart and melted him into a heart shaped puddle. He… he doesn’t ever want to see her cry again. He just wants to hold her, keep her safe, tuck her inside of his pocket and make sure she’s happy forever and ever. 

She’s sunshine. She doesn’t deserve to be sad.

This time, he knocks before he lets himself into her room, giving her ten seconds to compose herself before peeking his head in. His eyebrows crinkle when his eyes land on y/n.

“Why’re you on the floor?” he asks, quickly putting the water and tiny red painkiller on her bedside table.

“I dropped my earring,” she pouts, not looking up at him. She’s on her knees, patting around herself and desperately searching for the butterfly shaped studs she’d been wearing that night. She sounds like she’s about to burst into tears, “I-I can’t find it.” 

Harry sees it glimmering behind her. He kneels down next to her and picks it up, holding it in front of her face. “This?” Her wide eyes glimmer as she nods, taking it from him and walking on her knees all the way over to her desk to put it in her little heart shaped jewelry dish. 

She’s already nicely dressed in her pj’s (a fuzzy pair of pink pants paired with a tank top so that she wouldn’t overheat tonight) and she’s finished her drunk girl night routine (no skin care – just a makeup wipe and messily brushing her teeth), exhausted and ready for bed. 

Harry holds out a hand to help her up from the floor. This time, she doesn’t resist. She’s tuckered out, too sleepy to maintain this grudge. All she wants is her bed.

Harry’s hand feels warm as her smaller hand wraps around his palm, and she lets herself be pulled up by him and guided to her bed. He lifts up her blankets for her and uses a steady hand on her hip to ensure that she doesn’t fall sideways while she climbs into her bed. He tucks her in, pulling her duvet up to her chest, and without her having to ask, he picks up the little stuffed bunny who lays sadly at the foot of her bed. 

She watches him with round eyes as he kneels down next to her bed, tucking the little bunny in right next to her. Her skin looks soft and dewy, her hair framing her face in delicate wisps. She stares at Harry with wide, unwavering eyes, still glossy and red-rimmed from all the tears she shed today. 

He hates himself for being the cause of them. It takes everything in him not to lean forward, brush the hair out of her face, and kiss her sad, pouted lips. 

 “All good?” he asks instead.

Her fingers wrap around her stuffed animal gently, and she gives a shy nod. 

He smiles, “Okay.” His eyes are soft and caring, a wonderful contrast to the last time he tucked her into bed, when he’d been so gruff and stoic. Y/n has always found herself easily distracted by his pretty green eyes. They used to be so dark and mysterious, back before he’d started tutoring her. Before he’d kissed her. But now, there’s a glimmer in them that makes her feel warm. 

There’s just a certain softness to him tonight… one that she hasn’t ever witnessed. Her heart glows in her chest when his hand reaches out to rest on her arm gently. She loves the way his palm feels on her skin, loves looking into his eyes and seeing him stare right back at her. He gives her arm a soft, reassuring squeeze, and starts to stand up. 

Y/n takes a sudden breath. “Harry?” she quietly calls out his name. 

“Hm?” He pauses immediately. His name sounds wonderful falling from her lips. He wants to hear it over and over again. 

“Can… can you stay?” Her fingers twist around the bunny’s ears nervously. “Just for a little bit.”

He’s frozen for a second. She bites the inside of her lip nervously. She knows that he cares – she can feel it – but still, she braces herself for the sting of rejection. 

“Yeah.” He sits himself down on her bed, and finally lets himself brush her hair out of her face. “I can stay,” he murmurs. 

She exhales softly, a puff of relief floating in the air in front of her. Her eyelashes flutter shut as his fingers softly graze her forehead, then down to trace the apple of her cheek. He smiles as she nuzzles her face closer to his hand, silently asking for more affection. Like a little kitten, he thinks as he cups her cheek with his palm, petting her softly and smoothing her hair back. 

She smiles contentedly to herself. She can’t even remember why she’d been so insistent on refusing Harry’s help tonight, why she’d ignored him in the car and fought his offers to drive her home. 

This moment… it’s perfect. She could stay here with Harry forever. She snuggles into her duvet and pulls her bunny closer to her chest.

Harry stays there, petting her hair and staring at her sweetly, until her breathing evens out and the smile slowly fades from her face. 

That night, y/n dreams of curly brown hair and green eyes. Visions of warm hands and gentle touches cloud her mind, with flashes of sweet words and the name sunshine falling from rosy pink lips. 

She also dreams of a soft kiss being pressed to her cheek, and the feeling of chocolate curls brushing against her face while a deep voice murmurs goodnight against her skin. 

That part wasn’t 100% just a dream, though. 

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A vanilla iced latte with oat milk is gently placed in y/n’s line of vision, just a few inches away from where she’s tapping her apple pen against the library desk. She looks up, confused. 

The latte bringer is Harry, his pretty curls covered by a beanie. 

 “I saw you studying.” His green eyes glimmer as he swipes his finger across his nose. “Thought you might want a treat. To keep you motivated.” 

“Oh…” she puts down her pencil, and sits up a bit straighter. “Thanks,” she smiles nervously.

He nods. The air is tense. They haven’t seen each other in a few days, the last time being when he brought her home and stayed in her room until she fell asleep. She’d woken up alone, with only the remnants of his boyish scent lingering on her sheets… but her heart had felt full. 

She remembers him apologizing, and she remembers his earnest eyes and how he’d begged her to tell him what he did wrong so he could make it right. And she, of course, remembers how he’d tucked her into bed, and how his hand had cupped her cheek.

But, even despite his kind eyes and peace-treaty latte, she still feels nervous around him – especially now that she’s stone cold sober. Drunk y/n had been perfectly fine leaving everything in the past and snuggling into Harry’s touch, but sober y/n is obviously an overthinker. 

How was she supposed to act, when Harry had given her the best first kiss ever and also made her cry for hours straight right after? What was she supposed to say, when he’d rescued her from her failed attempt of a casual hook up and then driven her home and tucked her into bed with her stuffed bunny?

“Do you want to sit?” she asks. 

He nods, immediately taking a seat next to her. She takes a sip of her latte, and it’s perfect. It’s exactly what she would’ve ordered for herself. 

“Your midterm is tomorrow, isn’t it?” Harry fidgets in his seat, nervously using his thumb to pinch at the skin of his pointer finger.

She nods. “M’nervous.” The past five hours have been spent at the library, doing more practice problems. 

“You studied really hard. I think you’ll do well.” She must’ve finished all the problems in the textbook by now, Harry thinks. Y/n shrugs in her seat, looking down at her latte discouragedly. “I mean it,” Harry emphasizes, ducking his head down to catch her eye.

“I’m just worried I’ll make some stupid mistakes. Or that I’ll blank and forget the trig rules.”

“Don’t psych yourself out,” he says. His hand moves forward, as if he wants to reach for her hand, but he holds himself back and just rests it on the table. “You’ll overthink it and start freaking out. Just pretend like you’re doing more practice problems instead of a test. You were doing fine when we were studying together last week.” 

They both pause, remembering that study session. The one that ended in a kiss and tears. 

Harry clears his throat uncomfortably. Y/n takes a sip from her latte. 

Neither of them acknowledge the awkward incident. 

“Just imagine you’re in my room doing problems again. Don’t stress out too much. You’ve got this.”

She nods, sighing heavily. Harry watches her fingers as she fiddles with a ring that she’s wearing on her middle finger. 

“Thanks for driving me home, by the way,” she peeps. “The other night.” 

He nods, “of course.” She’s opened the floodgates, finally acknowledging the elephant in the room. The magnificent kiss, y/n running away, Harry finding her at the party, driving her home, then staying with her until she fell asleep. “Do you… do you remember anything that happened that night? After the party?” 

She doesn’t know if he’s referring to his apology in the car, or how he’d stayed in her bed and brushed his fingers through her hair as she fell asleep. Either way, she remembers. Her voice comes out barely over a whisper, “yeah.” 

He nods, eyes flickering down to his own hands. “I meant it,” he says, eyebrows furrowed. “Everything I said. I shouldn’t have laughed, I- I didn’t mean to…” He shakes his head to himself. “It was stupid, and m’sorry. I hate that I hurt you… that I like– ruined the moment–” 

“It’s fine–” she stammers, trying to brush it off. She doesn’t want it to be a big deal, she’s already embarrassed and bringing it up again just makes her want to… crawl in a hole. 

He sits up straighter, “it’s not fine. I was a dick.” He looks into her eyes, “I’m gonna make it up to you.”

She blinks at him.

“Please let me make it up to you.” His hand, resting on the table, inches closer to her. 

Harry cares… she can feel it. She can see it in his eyes, in his small mannerisms. She’s not making it up – it’s real. It feels warm and wonderful, like she’s a flower and sitting in the warm embrace of the sun.

Y/n can’t help but softly smile to herself. “Okay,” she whispers.

She slides her hands forward, and their fingers brush in the middle of the table. 

˙· .° ｡  ˚ ｡  ° . · ˚ ˙ · . ° ｡ ˚ ｡  ° . · ˙ · .° ｡ ˚ ｡ °.  · ˙ ‧̍̊  

part 3 hope u loved it :( epilogue is up on my patreon already, and will come to tumblr next saturday (aug 12) pleeeeaaaase lmk what u think and give her a rb and a comment i love u guys so so much!!!

sunshine (epilogue) - In which Harry's still grumpy, except for when he's with his sunshine girl.

sunshine masterlist

[7ndipity]

“Are You Confident?”

fwb!Jungkook x Plus Size Reader

Summary: The one where you get fed up with Jungkook’s teasing and decide to take him up on his offer.

Word Count: just under 1.7k

Warnings: +18 mdni, smut. oral(m. receiving), swearing, Jk starts out fuckboy-ish but turns subby, slight dom reader, reader’s referred to as Noona, not proofread

A/N: This idea has been sitting in my drafts since early December, but I finally managed to finish part one! This is sort of a prequel to this drabble, so if you can read it too if you liked this one. I’ll also be posting part two and a masterlist(hopefully)later this week, so lmk what you think!

Masterlist

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If you had to choose a favorite place in the whole world, you would choose Jungkook’s apartment without a thought. Not your own apartment, not you favorite shop, not even the dream vacation you’d been planning and saving up for forever, just being tucked into the corner of Jungkook’s couch, Bam curled up next to you, his massive head resting in your lap, subtly begging for pets as you vented to his owner about your most recent dating fiasco.

The guy one of your friends had set you up with had seemed nice enough at first, but as dinner progressed, things had progressively gone downhill.

“Did he least pay for dinner?” Jungkook asked, sprawled on the opposite end of the couch.

“I’d assume so, I walked out before the bill even came.” You replied, taking a long drink from your glass.

“Why do you even bother with dating anyway? You said before you hated it.” He asked.

“I’ve told you, I’m… lonely.” You said pointedly, avoiding his eyes.

He squinted at you, understanding suddenly flashing across his face.

“Ah, so you just need to get laid?” He asked, sitting back with a smirk as your face flushed with color. “Why didn’t you just say so? I could help you with that.”

“Ugh, shut up.” You groaned, getting up and heading to the kitchen.

“I’m serious.” He said, following you. “It’s better than fucking some random asshole.”

This type of conversation was a recurring thing in your friendship. Jungkook loved to tease you, and with a relationship that had grown as close as yours had, he had plenty of opportunities.

Your friends often joked that the two of you should just date already with the way you acted with each other, often toeing the line between what was typically considered okay for ‘just friends’. You’d slept in the same bed more times than you could count(a fact that had made Taehyung nearly choke on his drink when he’d found out), you’d even kissed at his friend's New Years Eve party after a few too many drinks and a similar conversation to the one you were currently having, lamenting about not having someone to kiss at midnight.

You didn’t know what had possessed you to do it, all you could remember was hearing the countdown and leaning in, connecting your lips with his for the briefest moment, only for him to quickly chase after yours when you had started to pull away.

Neither of you had brought it up afterwards, but the memory of it was permanently seared into your mind; the feel of his lips moving against yours, the way his hands had gently gripped your waist-

You shook your head, redirecting your attention back to the current moment, trying to ignore Jungkook as he leaned against the counter next to you.

“Look, if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine, I’m just offering a possible solution to your problem,” He said, shrugging as he grinned at you. “You know, if you’re really desperate.”

You scoffed. “You’re one to talk. When's the last time you even went on a date again?”

Your words had the desired effect on him, turning his expression sour.

“That’s different, I’ve been… busy.” He said grudgingly.

“Uh-huh, sure.” You grinned triumphantly.

“I mean it though,” He said. “If that’s really all you’re after, I’d be glad to help.”

You blinked at him in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” He shrugged. “I mean, like you said, it’s not like I've got anything going either. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just two friends helping each other out.”

“That is, if you think you can handle me.” He added with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes, letting out an irritated laugh. “Please, I could handle you.”

“Are you confident?” He asked, quirking a brow at you.

“Yes.” You answered immediately, catching both him and yourself off guard as you stared him down.

Your words weren’t entirely true, you weren’t all that confident when it came to things like this, but Jungkook had a way of triggering your stubborn streak, whether it was with that cocky smile he always threw your way or the domineering tone he like to tease you with, something about him made you suddenly brave and willing to challenge anything he said.

Normally, that was part of what made your friendship fun, the two of you constantly bickering and at odds with each other, but this was much different than arguing over where to get dinner or what to watch on tv.

You were chest to chest now, able to feel his heart pounding surprisingly fast as he stared down at you.

“Prove it.” He said, his tone having lost its teasing edge as his gaze flickered between your eyes and your mouth.

That was all it took to make you break.

You closed the gap between the two of you, pushing him back against the wall as your lips clashed.

This wasn’t at all like the first time you’d kissed, there was no hesitancy or tender playfulness, it was hot and rushed and needy, full of tongue and teeth.

You were aware of a voice in the back of your head frantically screaming at you, something about how this was terrible idea and could ruin things between you and Jungkook completely, but you really couldn’t bring yourself to care as his warm hands found your waist, pulling you flush against him as his tongue fought with yours for dominance. He tasted sharp and sweet like the wine you had brought, his skin hot under your fingertips as your hands slipped from his shoulders to tangle in his hair, tugging lightly at the strands and earning a low grunt from him.

His grip on your hips tightened before sliding down to grope your ass, grinding you against the growing bulge in his pants.

A surprised squeak left you, making him chuckle against your lips as you mentally cursed yourself. You were not about to let him have the upper hand, not this quickly.

You slipped a hand down between you to palm him over his pants, squeezing just enough to cause what sounded very much like a moan to you to release from his throat, though you knew he’d tried to deny it.

Just as suddenly as you’d begun, you pulled away, making his eyes snap open in confusion.

“What are you-?” He panted, stopping in shock as you dropped to your knees in front of him.

“I’m helping you out.” You said simply, undoing his belt as you looked up at him with doe eyes. “Is that okay?”

He nodded, breathing unsteadily.

“I need words, Sweetie.” You said, making him flush at the petname as you fiddled with his zipper. “I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me.”

“I want it,” He quickly blurted, giving up control with surprising ease as he stared down at you, eyes black with need. “I-I want your mouth, please.”

“Good boy.” You tugged his jeans down, revealing the prominent tent in his boxers, a small wet patch on the material showing just how eager he was.

“These are cute.” You commented, toying with the waistband before letting it snap back against his skin, making him jump slightly. “Purple looks good on you.”

“Noona, please.” He whined in frustration, his head falling back against the wall as his hips twitched forward involuntarily.

“Fine, since you’re asking so politely.” You pulled his boxers down, letting his cock spring free, hanging heavy in front of your face.

He was slightly bigger than you expected, the tip flushed deep red and leaking precum as you took him in your hand, making him shudder.

“Mm, should’ve known, even your cock’s pretty.” You mused, leaning in to give it a cursory lick, sucking the tip into your mouth for a moment before pulling back, leaving a few kisses along the underside of his length as you glanced up at him to gauge his reaction.

He was staring down at you slack-jawed, his breaths coming out in uneven pants as you pumped him with your hand.

He already looked slightly fucked out and you’d barely done anything to him yet, giving you a massive surge of confidence as you held eye contact with him, gathering as much spit as you could in your mouth before letting it dribble down over his twitching length.

“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath, squiming slightly.

Still holding his gaze, you took him fully into your mouth, sinking down as far as you could go.

“Fuck!” He gasped, his head falling back against the wall with a thump as you pulled back, swirling your tongue around him teasingly before sinking down again, letting him hit the back of your throat and holding him there for a moment before pulling off.

You quickly found your rhythm, bobbing your head up and down on him and using your hands on what wouldn’t fit in your mouth.

He let out a low whine, fists clenched so tight against his thighs his knuckles had gone white.

Noticing this, you used your free hand to guide his to your head, letting him tangle his fingers in your hair and giving him something to ground himself with.

All too soon, you felt him beginning to tense, his grip on your head tightening as his thighs started to shake.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum.” He whimpered. “Where do you want me to-?”

You only answer to him taking him and deeper and swallowing around him, making him cry out as his hip bucked forward, fucking your face as he chased his release.

“Shit, Y/n, I-” His words were choked off with a groan as he came, cumming down your throat in hot spurts.

He slumped back against the wall, breathing hard as you slowly pulled off of him, making a point to meet his eyes again as you swallowed.

“Shit, Y/n,” He said weakly as you stood back up. “That was-”

You cut him off with another kiss, feeling him twitch against your leg as he tasted himself on your tongue.

“I’m not done with you yet.”

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @dfqcsqueen @ldysmfrst

[bimbobaggins69]

Destructive solution

Steddie x virgin fem!reader

summary: after becoming roommates with your high school crush and finally getting out of your crazy strict parents house, you get a little too close to him and his best friend (your coworker) —but they’re straight, right?

warning: SMUT 18+ MDNI, female masturbation, mmf threesome, oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering (m & f receiving), unprotected p in v sex, unprotected p in a sex, dom & sub dynamics, they’re all love sick for each other, controlling parents, one little suicide joke, reader has no game but she’s a pervy virgin, she’s also clueless about sexuality but does admit to having bi thots

A/N: This took way too long, I wrote a whole other story just to hate it and delete it all, Im happy I did because I like this plot way more. Please let me know what you think. I also did way too much “bisexual threesome porn” searches for “research purposes” cough cough for this lmao

It was your second week of working at family video. Instantly falling into a routine of stocking returned tapes back on the shelves and cleaning down surfaces and windows. It wasn’t your first choice of work but with your situation, you would take anything you could get. You’ve been saving up money since summer to finally move out of your parents house, they’ve treated you like a child for far too long and now that you’ve decided to take a gap year and not pursue college like they had hoped you would, they are even worst. If they’re not ramming information about different colleges and courses you should be taking down your throat, they’re criticizing your music taste, your friends and the clothes you wear. Nothing is ever good enough which is why you need this job, so you can find an apartment and break free from your parents metaphorical shackles they’ve placed on you since birth.

The one good thing about your job is your co-workers, Robin and Steve. You usually work with one or the other but the days you get to work with both are always hysterical. Robin is the best always willing to go the extra mile to be sure you know exactly what you’re doing, Steve is sweet and a little bit of a flirt but you know his reputation and well it’s probably just second nature to him at this point, you don’t overthink it since he tends to flirt with the customers too. But god is he gorgeous, you totally get lost in his eyes when he’s talking to you. Not having much experience with boys is the reason you are terrible at flirting back, the most experience you have is making out with Christopher Malone at church camp when you were 15, he might have also cupped your left boob but still, it’s not much to go off of and putting yourself out there to the male species seems a whole lot harder then just being alone.

It’s a lovely Monday morning when you show up to family video. You work one on one with Steve today which always gives you butterflies, even going as far as stuttering like a lame-o when he talks to you, he was always asking personal questions or for your opinions on things and it would always take you by surprise, thus the stuttering

Steve went to Hawkins high with you, both of you sharing a math class where you said all but five words to each other—but working closely side by side was so different. Using a lot of free time to have conversations, and by conversations you mean him talking while you twirl your finger in your hair as you stare into his eyes and at his lips, pretending like you’re paying attention.

“Hello, y/n” his hand waving in front of your face making you snap out of whatever daydream you were having

“Oh, sorry! I-I was thinking about-“ you stahl as you try to make up something on the spot

“About what?” He says as he lifts his eyebrows and puts his hands on his hips

“I was trying to remember if I turned my curling iron off” you spit out

“Mmm” is all he says as he nods his head, giving you a knowing look, almost like he could read your mind. God, you’re so thankful he can’t do that

“So what is it you were saying, sorry” you say as your cheeks turn pink with embarrassment

“I was saying my buddy Eddie is actually looking for a roommate, he just moved into an apartment and I guess his job cut some hours so he’s kinda desperate to find someone, and I remember you telling Robin you were trying to get out of your folks house, so I figured I’d let you know”

“Eddie as in Eddie Munson?” You say as your eyes widen

“Yup that’s him” Steve says as he rubs the back of his neck

“U-um yeah, okay, can I get his number from you?” Your cheeks now a dark crimson red

You had the biggest crush on Eddie Munson in high school, sure he was “the freak” or “the bad boy” but something about him always enticed you, you would look for him in the halls, cafeteria and assemblies. You locked eyes with him on more than one occasion and every time, you felt your heart practically stop, you even contemplated buying weed just for a chance to talk to him, but you chickened out at the last minute

You weren’t sure if living with your high school crush was a good idea but you were also desperate, and maybe this could be your chance to finally get to know Eddie, if not intimately then maybe just as friends

“Yeah, I’ll write it down and give it to you at the end of our shift, just remind me” he says as he gives you a smile

The day drags on and finally at 4:30pm you’re clocking out and gathering your things to head out, as you walk up to Steve to bid him a “bye, enjoy the rest of your day” as you usually do, he turns around from the counter to slip you the number he promised you earlier, as you go to grab it your finger tips touch and you can’t help but get shy, as you look up at him and then look down at your shoes with an embarrassingly big smile on your face.

“T-thanks for this, really it means a lot” you say as you wave the number in your hand

“Yeah no problem, just give him a call and tell him I sent you” he says with a wink that makes your face heat up

“Thank you again, have a good day” you say as you rush out of there, kicking yourself for being so awkward

Once you get home, you head for the kitchen to use the house phone. Your parents never even allowed you your own private phone for your room, and luckily they weren’t home to hear your conversation, they’d lose their minds if they knew you could possibly be moving in with a boy, but for now what they don’t know won’t hurt em’

As you dial the number with shaky hands and a rapidly beating heart, you give your self a tiny pep talk “be cool” “just relax and be cool” as you inhale and exhale a deep breath. The line rings exactly three times before you hear a groggy voice on the other end

“Hello?” -—Wow his voice is so sexy— “no, nope get it together, remember, be cool” you think to yourself

“Helloooo?” Eddie says breaking you out of your thoughts

“Oh, sorry yes um- this is y/n, I work with Steve and he gave me your number because I’m looking to move out and he said you’re looking for a roommate?” You have never wanted to go lay in oncoming traffic so bad

“Mm, Steve gave you my number?” You can hear the smirk on his lips

“Yeah, I’m sorry is that not okay?” — god you wish you could just disappear in this moment

“No, no it’s okay! So when do you wanna come over? I can show you the place and we can go over rent and whatnot” his tone of voice almost sounds eager, but Steve did say he was desperate to find someone

“I can head over in a couple hours, if that’s okay?” You timidly ask

“Cool, cool that works”

After he gives you the address and you hang up, you rush to your room to get ready, you are not going to this meeting in your work uniform

So you freshen up a bit and change into something more you

Deciding on a rainbow band cropped muscle shirt — the shirt your parents always gave you shit for, because one it was “too short” and two “it was the devils music”

You paired it with some black high waisted shorts and a black belt, and then shoved on your white Reeboks, spraying some perfume before you rush out to your little blue ford pinto, the one nice thing your parents did for you—buying it for you your senior year just to get to and from school

The apartment was about a 12 minute drive. You pull up to a brick complex building with a little stoop, it looked fancier then you were expecting, two big pots with beautiful purple flowers on either side of the entrance door— before you are able to walk in you have to be buzzed in by the occupant, so you press the button by B13 and instantly hear Eddie’s voice through the contraption

“Come on up” he says before you’re even able to speak, you hear the door click and you open it— immediately being welcomed by a staircase, you walk up to apt B13, but before you lift your hand to knock you take some deep breaths, Readying yourself for this interaction with a boy you were love sick for almost all of high school

By the first knock, the door swings open and your met by Eddie, and holy hell did he still look as beautiful as he did then, maybe even more so, his hair was a little longer and by what you could tell under the sleeves of his Iron Maiden shirt he definitely filled out more, a little more muscular and maybe even a little taller whatever it was, was turning you into an idiot because you couldn’t stop your eyes from roaming all over his body, his signature black jeans with the rips in the knees and woah is that a bulge? “Okay—okay stop it right now!” You think to yourself, once you look up into Eddies eyes you realize he’s doing the same, ogling your legs and exposed thighs and sliver of skin between your shorts and shirt.

That somehow gave you the confidence to speak first— “hi, I’m y/n” you say as you hold out your hand for him to shake

“I know, we went to school together, right?” He says as he sticks his hand out to meet yours

“Yeah we did, we did— didn’t think you’d remember me” you say still shaking his hand

“I always remember a pretty face” he says back and your panties instantly grow a wet spot— because holy shit, did he just call me pretty?

You want to say something back and be flirty but all you can give him is a little giggle as both of your hands separate from that excessively long hand shake

“Come on in” he finally says as he gestures you in first

You giggle again as you say “thank you”

As you walk inside your eyes scan the place, it was really nice and you could totally see yourself living here, way nicer than anything you could get alone. There’s a few horror movie and band posters hung up around the living room— some fangoria and heavy metal magazines placed on the coffee table, a nice grey couch and a tv setup in front, even a record player with a crate full of vinyls. As you’re busy eyeing the place Eddie is busy eyeing you—looking a little too long at your back side than would be considered appropriate

As you turn around you catch him, eyes still trained on your ass, your cheeks flush and your heart starts beating a mile a minute again, but you give him a smile as you tell him how nice the place is

“Do you want the tour?” He asks, as his eyes are now eyeing your muscle tank

“Yes, please” you say with too much excitement as you bounce from the heels to the balls of your feet making your boobs bounce, which did not go unnoticed by Eddie

But before he began the tour, eyes still trained to your shirt—he points to it

“I like your shirt—I uh, didn’t know you listened to that kind of music” he says as he looks back up into your eyes

Eddie’s nervousness was giving you some kind of boost of confidence because before you could rethink your next words, they’re tumbling out

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Eddie” you say with a smirk as you turn around signaling to him that you’re ready for the tour

As he shows you around, you both can’t help but sneak peaks of each others bodies, you almost couldn’t concentrate on anything else—until he showed you the vacant room, it was a very decent size and could very well fit all of your belongings and then some

“It’s perfect” you say beaming up at him

“Yeah, this place has pretty big rooms, huh?” He says back as he smiles down at you

“So do you wanna go over the bills and stuff now?”

You look back at him with the most beautiful smile he thinks he’s ever seen

“So does that mean I’m moving in?” You squeak out with pure excitement

“Yeah, it does—by the way, when’s the soonest you can start moving your stuff in? You know for rent purposes, the mechanic shop I work at thought it’d be a good idea to hire a couple more people so they cut my hours back” he says with a glum look you wish you could kiss right off

“Oh, well I can start moving little things in by tomorrow, but I need to find someone to help with the bigger things like my bed and dresser”

“Me and Steve could help—if you wanted” he spits out a little faster then he anticipated

“Oh my god, I would be indebted to you both forever, if you did” you say with your best puppy dog eyes

“Yeah I can think of some ways you can cash in that debt” he says with a smirk that makes a chill run down your spine and a place between your thighs throb—you swallow before you smile back at him

“Let’s go sit so we can talk” he says as he does the same “after you” gesture he did when you first walked in

After you both talk about the expenses you’d be splitting and some rules he has which consisted of

Food—you can have whatever of his you want just make sure to ask first and you agreed, that he could do the same. No smoking weed on the balcony, the neighbors like to complain about the smell—but you assured him you don’t smoke, so that doesn’t really apply to you. Last one always let him know when you’re going to have company over, after agreeing and shaking hands he walks you out and before you go to leave he gives you a hug and whispers close to your ear

“I’ll see you tomorrow” goosebumps instantly rising from your skin, you nod and give him a smile before you walk off to your car

As you make your way back home, you try to go over what the hell just happened. You haven’t felt this giddy in your life, you’re about to move in with Eddie fucking Munson, you weren’t sure if you wanted to pull over to do a happy dance or pull over to puke from the nerves that have just swarmed through your stomach at the thought of seeing him everyday, sharing a bathroom with him, holy shit— sleeping in the next room over from him, oh my god you didn’t think about all of this before, what if he sees all your flaws and gets disgusted by you— okay, stop no overthinking, this is your chance to finally be your own person, live your life for yourself and maybe Eddies the perfect person to show you how to let loose.

After Eddie and Steve helped you move your heavier items in—one of your first debts was treating them to burgers and fries for dinner. After grabbing everything from your parents house you left your new number for them to be able to contact you. Moving out the week they were on a work trip, not wanting the confrontation—but you were an adult and you are allowed to move out without permission, you knew once they found out they’d completely cut off contact with you, but you still held out hope that your parents could be decent humans, someday.

But now that you’re settled in, Eddie mentioned a tradition him and Steve have every Saturday, horror movie night. Being around both of the guys you get butterflies for might be a little overwhelming, but you’ve grown to love their company so it should be a good night.

Since it’s your first, you’ve been put in charge of picking the movies—settling on the serpent and the rainbow and fright night. You’ve decided on a whim that you’re gunna look good tonight, maybe that was a terrible idea but you wanted to be desirable, you want to feel sexy and for them to see you as such, so there’s not harm in wearing some cute little pajamas—enfaces on the little

As soon as you got home from your shift you cleaned up a little bit and then hopped in the shower to clean the long day off, once out you used some sweet smelling body lotion and spritzed some perfume on your neck and wrists—finally changing into an off white silk two piece accustomed with some ruffles on the end of the short shorts, showing off the underside of your butt—the top was very cropped and you’ve decided to go without a bra, it just looked better that way, you paired the whole ensemble with white knee high socks. After brushing and drying your hair, you give yourself a once over in the full length mirror that is hanging behind your door, you felt sexy—for the first time in your life, you could kiss your best friend Rachel for getting this pajama set for you on your birthday. The confident thoughts that entered your head left as quickly as they came, now you’re questioning how this makes you look—“am I going to look desperate” “are they going to know I’m dressing up for them?” Oh god I hope not

Before you could overthink any further, there’s a knock at your door—you were so focused you almost jumped out of your skin

“Y-yeah?” You ask trying to catch your breath

“Can you come set up the movie while I get the snacks ready?” Eddie asks from the other side of the door

“Yeah, of course! I’ll be right out”

It’s now or never, either you stop being a pussy and get some confidence or you’ll be stuck as the little virgin forever— so you take a deep breath and walk out into the living room to set up fright night first. Steve called 30 minutes ago to say he’d be on his way soon, so he should be here any minute. As you’re fiddling with the remote and pausing it on the fbi warning— Eddie walks out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in hand—

“Hey, hope you like butte-“ “woah” he said almost dropping the bowl of popcorn as his eyes descend along your figure in the little pajama set

“You um, you look nice” he says as he looks down, setting the popcorn bowl on the coffee table

“Thanks” you say with a shy smile— can’t tell if that’s a good reaction or not, but you’ll take it

“I uh, I’m gunna go use the bathroom, can you buzz Steve in when he comes?” He says as he rushes off

“Sure” was all you were able to get out before he disappeared down the hallway

About 5 minutes go by and you hear the buzzer go off— it’s Steve, you answer and buzz him through, you open the door and wait for him to come up—but as you wait you get preoccupied with cleaning off the dining table

You hear the door shut behind you, signaling that Steve is now inside, as you turn to look at him, he’s giving you the same look Eddie did earlier before he headed off to the bathroom

“Hey” you say with a little wave

He walks towards you with a 12 pack of beer in his hand as he looks you up and down, making a chill run through your body

“Well hello” he says as he walks up standing right in front of you “don’t you look nice tonight”

“Oh, um thanks” you say as you take the 12 pack from him

“I’ll put these in the fridge” you say heading into the kitchen “Eddie’s in the bathroom—just make yourself comfy”

After pulling out three beers for you and the guys— you put the pack in the fridge and head back to the living room— you see Steve and Eddie immediately stop their conversation once you’ve gotten within ear shot of them, they’re both ogling you as you walk to sit in between them on the sofa— okay these pajamas were definitely working

Once fright night starts playing and you are all sipping on your beer and passing popcorn back and forth— Eddie pauses it to take a smoke break, you pass but they still invite you to hang out in his room, while they partake

You sit up against Eddie’s wooden headboard while Steve and Eddie sit at the end of the bed facing you—passing the joint back and forth to each other while you all get lost in conversation

“So y/n” Steve says as the smoke bellows out of his mouth, looking at your thighs and then back to your eyes “I like these little pjs, do you normally wear stuff like that to bed?” — you feel your cheeks heat at the question, embarrassment washing over you

“Um, no actually I usually just wear big shirts to bed, but these are the only matching pajamas I have, so I decided to wear them tonight for the special occasion” you say shyly

“Yeah? I like ‘em, right Ed, we like ‘em?” He says looking at Eddie, making him choke on some of the smoke he had just inhaled

“Mmhm, we do” he says, both boys looking at you like they were hungry and you were a four course meal

You didn’t say too much after that, now feeling way too shy to insert yourself in their conversations— you guys head back to the living room to finish the movie, resuming your positions on the couch after Steve gets up to grab three more beers for you all

Once fright night is over and all the popcorn and beers have been drunk, you decide to save serpent and the rainbow for another night

“I actually have an early shift tomorrow, so I think I’m gunna get to bed, is that okay?” You ask the boys — noticing the look of disappointment on both of their faces

“Uh, yeah yeah that’s fine” Eddie speaks up first

“Goodnight guys” you say while grabbing your throw blanket and heading to your room— “goodnight y/n” Steve says

Once you lay down and try to fall asleep, it’s almost impossible, things seemed so off tonight— almost like the boys had a secret or were in on something you had no idea about, maybe it was in your head. But you also seen the way they were looking at you — and how disappointed they looked when you told them you were going to bed, you weren’t even sure what you were asking for— there’s no way they’d both want you, so why are you fighting so hard to be wanted by both of them?

an hour passes of you tossing and turning and once you finally find a position you’re most comfortable in, you start to hear foot steps, it’s probably Eddie going to his room— Steve must’ve left.

About 10 minutes later, you’re still wide awake— you start to hear faint moans coming from Eddie’s side of the wall “oh my god, is he jacking off?” You whisper to yourself. The moans get louder and now you hear another set of moans and some slapping noises— “wait, oh my god, is that Steve?” — “holy shit, are Steve and Eddie fucking?” You couldn’t help but get up and place your ear to the wall

You start to feel a tinge of jealousy in the pit of your stomach accompanied by arousal, wow this is turning you on, thinking of both of them together— well this is new, never thought you’d be turned on by two men you’re crushing on having sex. As the moans get louder— your hand descends into your little silk shorts and under your panties, you don’t really touch yourself—probably making yourself cum a handful of times, but woah the instant need is something you’ve never felt before— you’re so wet, you gather the slick that’s seeping out of your hole and bring it up to your clit, rubbing slow deliberate circles on it, as you begin to feel that burning sensation in the pit of your stomach— Eddie and Steve’s moans get a little louder, you hear Eddie tell Steve to keep it down, and then the slapping continues— you reach your peak as you push a pillow into your face to muffle the moans that are coming out of your mouth— holy fuck you’ve never cum so hard, once you’re finished the moaning stops and you hear some muffled talking but not enough to make out what’s being said, after a couple minutes you hear foot steps and the front door close.

As you come down from your high— you start to feel shame for listening in and touching yourself to something you shouldn’t have been listening to, but what the hell?— Steve and Eddie? So what are they like gay?— I mean surely Steve can’t be he’s a ladies man, still flirting and going on dates with the women that come into family video, but I mean Eddie— you’ve never seen him with a girl before, but you’ve seen the way he’s looked at you since the first day you came over, he’s never been subtle in his attempts at checking you out. You’re so confused.

After continuously tossing and turning last night you’ve decided it’d be best to just move on, clearly Steve and Eddie have a thing for each other and no matter how much you like them both, maybe it’s for the best to just start your dating life— you no longer live with your parents thus allowing you to finally go on dates, so why not indulge?

Luckily today you work with Robin, you wouldn’t know how to face Steve if you worked one on one with him, you already feel guilty for getting off to his and Eddie’s moans, the whole thing would just be awkward— luckily you didn’t see Eddie either before you left for work.

It’s nearing the end of your shift, you’re stocking the horror section with some returns when you hear the bell above the entrance door go off, Robins in the back so you’re in charge of greeting and helping customers

“Welcome to family video!” you say as you continue your strategic alphabetical placements, as you’re putting the last movies away, you stand up and head back to the counter— being greeted by a familiar smiling face

“Donnie Anderson?” you say with a shy smile as you look up at the tall, dark haired boy— you both went to Hawkins high together, he was the quarterback and you tutored him on multiple occasions

“Y/n?” He says as his eyes squint “Wow, how have you been?”

“I’ve been pretty good actually, how about you?”

“Yeah, same here” he says with his signature charming smile “wow you look great”

You can’t help but blush at his kind words—“thanks, so do you”—“so is there a movie I can help you find?”

“Right? Movie um, yeah I’m looking for dream a little dream and license to drive, they’re for my little sister” he says as he looks down in embarrassment

“Those are the movies with the two Corey’s, right?” You say as you raise your eyebrows

“Yup” he says as he nods his head slowly

“For your little sister, huh?” You tease

“Yeah, uh, she loves Corey Haim” he chuckles

After you ring him up and get caught up in talks about the past and future— Donnie leans over getting a little close to your personal space, working up his charm

“Hey what are you doing tomorrow?” He asks

“I have another morning shift, but after that I’m free, why? What’s up?” You say as you lean a little closer towards him

“Do you want to go out with me tomorrow?”—“maybe catch a movie?” He says with hopeful eyes

“Sure, y-yeah that sounds fun, I’d love to” you say as you hand him the bag with his movies

“Cool, can I get your number?”

You pull out a note pad and pen from the drawer and jot your number down, tearing out the page to give to him— “okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, have a goodnight y/n” he says as he walks backwards to the door, and then turns around to walk out

Oh my god, your first official date! — you can’t help but to do a little happy dance, quickly being interrupted by Robin

“That inventory took way too lon-“ she says immediately stopping as she sees your dancing form behind the counter

“We having a dance party or something?” She inquires

“No, but Im going on my first date tomorrow” you say with a giddy smile

“Really? Was I gone that long?” She says with a snort

After getting home from your shift, you pull your clothes off and put an oversized shirt on to get comfortable— you lie down in bed and start to doodle in your notebook while crazy on you by heart plays in the background— suddenly you hear a knock at your bedroom door

“Come in!” You yell over the music

“Hey uh, someone’s on the phone for you, I think he said his name was Danny”

“Danny?” You say with a questioning look “oh Donnie, okay” you roll off of your bed and head to the phone—as you talk to Donnie on the phone about your date, Eddie’s sitting at the kitchen table nursing a beer, with a sad look on his face

“Okay, sounds good! I’ll see you tomorrow” you say, hanging up the phone

“Who’s Donnie?” Eddie questions still staring at his beer

“Donnie Anderson, he was on the football team. Anyway, he came by family video today and we started talking and he asked to take me out on a date”

“A date?” Eddie says as his jaw clenches

“Yeah a date”

“Oh, that’s cool um I gotta go” Eddie says as he gets up from the table, chair scraping against the linoleum floors, he walks out the front door leaving it to slam— what just happened?

Going into work the next morning, you worked along side Steve. He was distant and barely said anything to you, other than asking about your date—Robin must of told him.

The date with Donnie went really well—but you couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie, all week he’d been hot and cold with you, one minute heavily flirting and the next almost avoiding you. Steves attitude towards you has somewhat gone back to normal, having little conversations here and there— you really couldn’t understand them, it almost seemed like they were jealous, but that can’t be it.

Finally Saturday rolls around and you wanted to invite Donnie to come hang out, maybe after you’ll let him spend the night and who knows maybe you’ll even lose your virginity to him—-But you’d have to tell Eddie since that was on his list of rules

After getting home from work you changed into a little white cami and some red and white shorts you got from summer camp years ago, they definitely made your butt look great, even if they’re way smaller than they use to be— you make your way into the living room where Eddie and Steve are sitting and talking

“Hey, um is it okay if I invite a friend over?” You say as you walk towards the couch they’re sitting on

“Uh, yeah I guess, sure” Eddie says without even looking at you

“Okay, thanks” you say as you turn towards the kitchen to call Donnie

After you hang up you go back to sit down with the guys, they’re deep in conversation about Eddie’s band. He’d stopped playing for awhile after most of the members headed off to college, he’s been looking for new musicians so he was asking Steve for advice — It was so weird, that you knew they had sex, but they were never affectionate towards each other or at least not in front of you, if you would’ve never heard them that night, you would’ve never guessed they’d have an intimate relationship— you wanted to ask questions, but it wasn’t your place and you didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or like you were judging— you certainly had your fair share of thoughts about women

But they are your friends so maybe you’d be able to confide in them?

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt but can I ask you both a question?”

“Uh sure” Steve says as he turns his body towards you with intrigue

“It’s kind of a personal question, so don’t get weirded out that I’m asking, okay?” You say with hesitation

They both look at each other and then look back at you as they say “okay” in unison

“How did you guys lose your virginity?” You say as you put your palm under your chin

“Um, wow that is pretty personal” Steve says as Eddie laughs

You look away in embarrassment, feeling like you maybe overstepped— until Steve spoke up first

“I lost mine when I was 15, she was 17 and I had no idea what I was doing” he said “it was pretty awkward and I had really just wanted to lose it just to lose it, I never really talked to her after that, must’ve been pretty bad” he chuckles

Eddie looks at him with a knowing smirk on his face, like he wants to say something but decides not to

“And you Ed’s?” You say as you look at him

He blushes at the nickname, he loves when you call him that

“Um, I lost mine at 18, same as Steve it was awkward and I had no idea what I was doing” he says as he looks over to Steve and then you

Hmm, okay super vague but I’ll take it— you think to yourself

“What about you?” Steve says catching you off guard

“Oh um, well um” you stammered—both boys looking at you with raised eyebrows waiting to hear your answer

“Well, see that’s why I asked because I don’t exactly have a first time, and um I kind of want to and I was thinking tonight with Donnie we might you know” your sentence coming out as almost one long jumbled word

“You’re a virgin?” Eddie looks at you like you’ve just confessed to a murder

Steve looks like he’s at a loss for words— you just want to go climb in bed under your covers and never show your face again

“Yes, I’m a virgin” you say as you begin to bite your nails, not wanting to look at either of their faces

“Hey, that’s okay nothing wrong with being a virgin” Steve says

“Yeah well, I never had the opportunity I wasn’t allowed to date when I lived with my parents, it was school, tutor, work repeat”—“I wasn’t even allowed to have guy friends, how crazy is that?” You say still playing with your finger nails

“Donnie was my first date” you whisper

You finally look up at the boys faces, and distinctly see the look of pity written all over them

“It’s fine forget I asked” you say as you get up “I’m going to go get ready” you say as you sulk back to your room

Eddie and Steve were shocked—they weren’t sure what “not looking like a virgin” meant but you did not look like a virgin, you were sexy as hell, they couldn’t believe no one had ever jumped at the chance to fuck you— but they definitely didn’t want Donnie to be the first one

After you freshened up and put on a little bit of makeup— Steve had knocked on your door to tell you Donnie was here— tonight you were all going to watch serpent and the rainbow since you didn’t get to last movie night— you walk out into the living room and Steve and Eddie are talking to Donnie as they all sip on a beer, Donnie sees you and jumps up to give you a hug and kiss, you blush as he takes your hand and walks you to the couch to sit next to him, almost uncomfortably close as he sets his hand on your thigh and rubs it

You can see Eddie out of your peripheral looking at where Donnie’s hand is placed—Steve coughs and says “alright everybody ready to start the movie?” You all agree—feeling a thick tension in the air

The movie was long but by the end you stand up and tell the guys you need to use the restroom really quick—“when you come back you’ll ask donnie to stay the night” you think to yourself

When you get back you see Steve and Eddie but Donnie is gone.

“Where’s Donnie?” You ask looking around like he was going to come out of another room

“He left” Eddie said

“Left? Why would he leave?” You say with your eyebrows furrowed

“We told him to leave” Steve says as Eddie looks down at his feet

“Why would you do that?” Now you’re fuming

“Because we just didn’t think it was a good idea for him to stay” Eddie speaks up

“A good idea? What?” — “what the fuck does that mean?” You seethe

They had never heard you cuss before

“We just don’t think you should have sex with him y/n”

“You cant decide who I fuck!” — “Jesus, it’s like I’m living with my parents all over again, you guys can’t control who I see” — “I didn’t tell you two not to fuck the other night, so why do you have the right to tell me who I can be with?” You didn’t mean for that to come out so harsh, but this must of been a trigger for you, feeling like you’re being controlled, it made you wanna scream.

“What?” They say in unison as they look at each other almost like they felt guilty for something

“I don’t care what you guys do, or if you guys are gay or whatever— so don’t insert yourself in my business” you say as calmly as you can

“Gay?” They both say again at the same time

“Sweetheart, we’re not gay” Eddie says with a smirk, god he can be such an arrogant asshole

“Okay well whatever you are I don’t care, just stay out of my business” you say as you begin to walk away

“You heard us?” Steve says stopping you in your tracks

“Uh, yeah you were kind of loud and I had trouble falling asleep that night”

“See I told you to keep it down” Eddie says as he shoots Steve a look you couldn’t quite make out

“Hey, I’m not judging you guys okay?”—“I would never do that” you don’t ever want to come off as a bigoted asshole, you don’t want to be anything like your parents

“Thanks” they both say

“Can you come sit down, so we can talk?” Eddie motions with his head towards the couch

“Um, yeah sure” you say as you walk back to the couch

You sit in the open seat between them— they both turn towards you, giving each other a knowing look before their eyes find you again

“We um, yes we have sex, we’re bi”

“You guys really don’t have to explain yourselves to me” you say trying to stop Eddie from going any further

“No, no we want to, babe” Steve says—the pet name instantly making your stomach flutter

“Okay, well why?” You say as you look at both men sitting on either side of you

“We like you y/n” — “I’ve liked you for awhile” Eddie says — “since high school” he continues

“You’ve liked me since high school?” You say as your eyes widen

“Yeah, I’d always look at you and when you’d catch me I’d look away, I figured you must’ve thought I was a weirdo, so I never tried to talk to you” — “so when you called me and I found out you were, you and you were interested in moving in, I knew I was in trouble, that first meeting i couldn’t take my eyes off of you, you’ve always been beautiful” — “but holy shit” he says

“When I seen you on your first day at family video I wanted to ask you out on a date, but Robin told me to keep it professional, and then when I told Ed you had started working with us, he told me about his high school crush on you so when I found out you were looking for a room to rent and Eddie was looking for a roommate, I thought it’d be the perfect set up, even though I really wanted you for myself” he says as he looks over to Eddie—Eddie shooting him a glare back

“That night we wanted to tell you how we felt, I mean fuck you looked so good, we couldn’t help but to fuck each other while we thought about you” Steve says

“So do you guys do that often?”— “No judgement” you say as you throw up your hands in surrender

“Well we have an arrangement, where if we’re hanging out and we’re horny we just go for it” —“it’s more of like a friends with benefits type of thing” Eddie throws in

“I see” you say as you nod your head

“So what? You said you didn’t think I should have sex with Donnie, does that mean you think I should have sex with you both?” You ask purely out of curiosity

“That’s up to you, princess” Eddie says

Jesus this man and his terms of endearment

“So you both would be okay with taking my virginity?” You ask as you raise your brows

“We’d be honored to, but only if that’s what you want” Steve says

“Well if we’re all being honest here, I’ve had a crush on you Ed’s since high school, too. When you’d catch me looking back at you it was only because I was specifically looking for you. I um, I even wanted to buy weed from you as an excuse to talk to you, but I pussied out last minute. I had even wrote you a note to meet me after school, I was gunna slip it into your locker but I was too nervous, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it” you say as you reminisce with a smile

Eddie’s eyes widen at the revelation, he couldn’t believe you felt the same for him, you both could’ve been together this whole time

“And Steve I was reminded how gorgeous I always thought you were that first day and I loved how much you made me laugh, I even thought you were flirting with me but I mean I knew of your reputation and you flirt with the customers too, so I just didn’t want to overthink it, ya know?”

“Yeah, he is a big flirt, aren’t you big boy?” Eddie says with a smirk as he ruffles Steve’s hair

“Cmon man, not the hair!” Steve says smacking away Eddie’s hand

You couldn’t help but giggle at their antics

“Okay, yes I want to”

They both stop what they’re doing and look at you— “we need you to say exactly what you want, baby?” Eddie says

“I um, I-I want you both to fuck me” you stutter out

“Try again sweetheart, say it like you mean it” Eddie continues with a mischievous smirk

“I want you both to fuck me” you say with more confidence

“Good girl, see that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Steve says

“Let’s move this to the room?” Eddie asks looking back and forth from you to Steve

“Yeah let’s go” you say as you get up and hold both of your hands out towards them to take

You drag them behind you to Eddies room

“Woah someone’s eager” one of them says while they both snicker

Once you three enter Eddies bedroom they’re both on you, Eddie grabs your chin and brings your lips to his, Steve starts kissing your neck, his hand slowly moving down your back to your ass, he grabs a handful making you moan into Eddies mouth

You cannot believe this is happening

You’re about to lose your virginity to two incredibly sexy men, who else can say that?

Eddies tongue slips into your mouth deepening the kiss, while Steve sucks your neck and soothes it wish his tongue

You rake both your hands down their chests—as your hands descend along their lower stomach it stops at the huge bulge in both their pants

You cup them through their jeans, gaining a moan from both men

You break the kiss as you look up at Eddie

“What do you wanna do first, baby?” He says as he grabs both of your hips, smiling down at you

“I want you to teach me how to suck Steve’s cock” you say innocently

“Fuck” they both say in unison

“Okay, yeah I can do that” Eddie says

He grabs a pillow off of his bed

“Get on your knees” he says in a tone of voice that almost made you whimper, strong and assertive

“Yes, sir” you say almost as a joke but you could tell in Eddies face how much he liked it, eyes glazing over, now looking at you with an intense hunger, both of them were looking at you like that—it was almost overwhelming how turned on you were becoming

Eddie kneels beside you, both of you between Steve’s legs from his standing position, eyes trained on you and the metalhead. Eddie begins unbuttoning Steves jeans and pulling down his zipper, he shoves his thumbs in the waistband of Steve’s jeans and boxers and tugs them down just above his knees, his cock springs out— your jaw drops at how huge it is, he’s cut and has a pretty pink throbbing head with precum oozing from the slit, your mouth waters just looking at it. You never sucked a dick before and said you never would, but holy shit, you wanted to live with Steves cock in your mouth, it was beautiful

You and Eddie lick your lips at the same time, as you both stare at it

“Go ahead and grab it, baby” Eddie whispers to you— you grasp it at the base, your hand looks so small compared to it, which excites you even more

Eddie puts his hand over yours—“okay, now move it up and down, mmhm just like that baby, good girl” his whispers causing goosebumps to form on your skin

“Now spit on it” Eddie says

You gather all the saliva in your mouth and spit a on the head of Steve’s pink tip

“That’s it, okay now start smearing that wetness all over his cock, baby” — “yup just like that, fuck Steve she’s a quick learner” he says looking up into his best friends eyes with a smirk

“Okay now put your mouth around the tip, and suck” — “nope” you say as you shake your head

“I wanna see you first” you say as you giggle

“You wanna see me suck Stevie’s cock? what does that turn you on or something?” He says jokingly

You nod your head and bite your lip

“Dirty girl” Steve says looking down at the exchange

“I might of played with myself that night I heard you both fucking” you shyly retort

Eddie and Steves eyes widen as they look at each other — “hear that Stevie? Our girls a kinky little thing” Eddie laughs out

Our girl

“Okay baby, I’ll show you how it’s done” Eddie says pretending to crack his neck before he dives in—putting his lips over Steves tip and sucking, slowly putting more and more in his mouth until Steve is in his throat, Eddie must be very experienced because he doesn’t gag as Steve begins to fuck his mouth

You can’t help it, you have to rub your pussy while watching them, it’s way too hot not to—you slip your fingers into your waist band and start rubbing your clit, your pussy is insanely wet already, making your fingers glide over your clit so smoothly, you can’t hold the moans back

“Fuck, she’s touching herself dude” Steve says while looking down at you as he bites his lip

Eddie let’s go of Steves cock with a pop as he looks over at you—grabbing the back of your hair and crashing his lips into yours, tasting Steve on his tongue makes your panties gush even more— the whole thing is so incredibly sexy

Eddie breaks the kiss— “okay baby, it’s your turn”

You grab Steves cock from the base again, it’s now slick with Eddies spit so you give it a few strokes before you put it in your mouth and start sucking, then swirling your tongue around the tip, taking it back in your mouth moving down slowly finally hitting the back of your throat, you instantly gag on it, making your eyes water

“that’s okay princess, we’ll have that throat trained in no time” Eddie says with a smirk

“Keep going baby, your mouth feels fucking amazing” Steve says as he reaches down to grab some of your hair, reaching his other hand down to grab Eddies hair too—“fuck you both are so sexy on your knees for me” he says looking from you to Eddie

Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, you start sliding your lips on the side of Steves cock, you reach out, grabbing Eddie’s hair making him bring his lips to the other side, he knows exactly what you’re trying to have him do, so he puts his lips on the other side, mimicking you and your movements, up and down

“Fuuuuuck” Steve moans out

You and Eddie start making out with Steves tip— making him whimper and groan, the hands fisted in both your hair tightening

“Okay, okay I can’t take anymore” Steve says pulling you both up by your hair

His lips smash into Eddies and they have a heated kiss before Steve pulls away and grips your hair he’s still holding, pulling you towards him and smashing his lips into yours, tongues and teeth clashing, it’s a sloppy but calculated kiss, you finally pull away—looking at Eddie

“Should we suck yours next?” You ask Eddie

“Uh-uh baby”—“I won’t last if I have both your pretty lips on my cock” Steve rolls his eyes as he laughs

“Get on the bed baby, let us take care of you” Steve says picking you up and throwing you down on the bed, as you yelp

Eddie begins pulling your shorts down, both of them looking over your body like they were about to devour you— “take her shirt off too” Steve instructs Eddie

“Cmon baby, let’s get this shirt off of you, we wanna see those pretty titties” Eddie says

“Yes sir” you say again as you raise your arms

Eddie growls as he pulls off your thick camisole, boobs springing out—thanking god you went without a bra

“Fuck, look at that” Eddie says under his breathe

“Those are the most perfect tits I’ve ever seen” Steve says with his eyes blown wide with lust

“Lay back, sweetheart” Eddie says in a sweet but assertive tone

You do as your told, laying back but using your elbows to still keep you propped up—Steve moves closer to you. Eddie grabs one knee and Steve grabs the other as the both pull them apart, exposing the big wet spot right in the middle of your light pink, lace panties—Steve and Eddies hands both touching different parts of you, Steve rubbing your thigh and Eddie playing with the little black bow on the top of your panties, sending you a smirk—Eddies fingers move down to the wet spot, rubbing his fingers over your clothed clit and then cupping your hole pussy in his hand as he grunts

“Fuck you’re so wet for us baby” he moans out

“Can’t wait to stretch that little pussy out, make it take both of us at the same time” Eddie says to Steve making your pussy throb right where his hand is placed

“I-I want that so bad” you moan out

“Not now baby, that’s for another day, we gotta get you use to one cock today”—“but soon you’ll be taking both of us in all your tight little holes, Kay?”

“Yes, sir” you say with slight disappointment, although the promise of another time instantly makes your stomach flutter

Eddie puts his thumbs in the waist band of your panties, pulling them down, you let them fall off your legs and onto the floor—Eddies instantly grabbing your knees and pulling them apart exposing your glistening cunt to both men, you slightly flinch as the cold hair hits the wetness of your pussy

“I have an idea” Eddie says — “turn around ass up, now” he demands, you immediately follow his directions getting into what you know as the doggystyle position from the details of one of your best friends many rendezvous

Once in position Eddie pushes your lower back in trying to make you arch your ass more for them, Steve lays down in between your thighs, so you’re sitting on his face, as his back is against the mattress, he licks a long strip from your aching hole to your pulsing clit—you can’t help but to moan out an “oh fuck” as he reaches your clit

Eddie chuckles as he stands between Steves spread legs and grabs both of your ass cheeks with his big palms spreading them and bringing his tongue to your tight second hole—holy shit, holy shit, you could cry from how amazing their tongues feel on you—Steve starts fucking you with his tongue, as Eddie continues licking your asshole, he begins to fuck your ass a little bit with the tip, before he moves down towards Steves, they both lick each others tongues before going back to using their tongues on you, you could cum right then and there, and you want to so bad—you begin to feel that burning sensation in the pit of your stomach, as you’re seeing stars and moaning so loud the neighbors can hear you. What tips you over the edge is Eddie slowly putting his finger inside your pussy, curling it up and hitting something inside of you that felt like heaven

“fuck daddy, I’m cumming!” You scream out

You had no idea where that came from, maybe something one of your friends told you they said to their partner and it probably stuck with you because you thought it was hot

Eddie and Steve stop their ministrations once your pussy stopped clenching around Eddies finger

“Daddy?” Eddie asks as he looks at Steve with the biggest smile

“Fuck princess, and here I thought you couldn’t get any hotter, now we find out you’re a secret little slut, too?” Eddie says teasingly

You couldn’t help but moan at his words and tone of voice—“is that what you want, baby?” Steve asks “you want to be our dirty little slut?”

“Yes, yes please” you say as the mattress muffles your words from your position

“You’re such a good girl, baby, such a good fucking girl for us” Steve says

“She’s the perfect girl for us” Eddie says back as his arm wraps around your lower stomach turning you around with a strength you’d never know he had

“Alright baby, who do you want to fuck you first?” Steve asks as he removes his pants and boxers completely, working on Eddies next—they both rid themselves of their shirts now matching your nakedness

“I don’t want to choose”—“I want you both to feel good” you whine

“Oh princess, we are gunna feel good, one of our dicks are gunna be in you while another one’s gunna be in one of our ass, how does that sound?” Eddie asks

“Oh my god, yes please that sounds so hot” you beg

“You have to pick which one of us fucks you first, remember?”—“don’t go getting all cock drunk on us now baby, we haven’t even started”

“Okay Um, I want Eddie to fuck me while you fuck him” you say to Steve

Eddie crawls toward you on the bed, spreading your legs wider for him as he gives you a deep kiss— Steve opens Eddies side drawer getting out a bottle of lube and pouring it in the palm of his hand and then stroking his cock with it, smearing it all over, he then takes the bottle of lube and pours more onto his fingers bringing them to Eddies ass and rubbing it in, inserting a finger into his tight hole and pumping in and out. Eddie moans into the kiss as he wraps his hand around his cock, bringing it closer to your pussy, rubbing it up and down your wet slit— finally Steve takes his cock and positions the head of it toward Eddies asshole, pushing in slowly, inch by inch making Eddie moan out a “fuuuck”— as Steve is sliding into him, Eddie positions his cock at your entrance. He looks down at you to gage your reaction

“Are you okay, baby?” He ask as his head barely slips through

“Mmmm, yeah, I-I’m okay”

Steve stills inside of Eddie, waiting for him to bottom out in you, not wanting to accidentally push Eddie into you with his thrusts

Eddie goes excruciatingly slow, so you have to tell him he can go a little faster—it hurts but it’s nothing you can’t handle, you’re wet enough for it to be almost painless, just feeling a little bit of pressure

“Is that okay?” Eddie asks as he’s finally bottomed out inside of you—“yeah baby, please move, don’t stop” you whine out

Eddie finally starts thrusting, fucking into you but also fucking Steve’s cock into him

You all three are a moaning mess—throwing out a stray “fuck” and “oh my god” here and there

“Please please, fuck me harder” you moan out to Eddie while his face is buried in your neck

Eddie’s thrusts get faster, making Steves do the same, now Steve is fucking Eddie into you and it feels amazing, both of their hands all over you and all over each other—Steve bends down towards you and Eddie while he’s still fucking into him, hard— Steve takes Eddies hair and yours and brings you all into a three way kiss of just tongues, all of you moaning out into each others mouths—- once Steve let’s go of you and Eddie’s hair he goes back to his position above you both, slapping Eddies ass as he fucks into him harder

Eddie’s losing his mind, yelling out so many obscenities and filthy things, into your neck 

“Fuck yes, goddammit you both feel so fucking good!” He moans out

He picks his head up from your neck, looking down at you—“your pussy’s so good baby, you’re so tight and wet, fuck”—“I’m gunna cum, fuck I’m gunna cum, where do you want it?” Eddie asks you

“In my mouth daddy” you moan out

“Fuuuck”—“Steve move!” Eddie shouts, Steve pulls his cock out of him, he strokes it as he’s nearing his release, too

You fall to your knees underneath both of them as they stroke their cocks above your face, you hold your tongue out awaiting their cum

“Yes baby, open up a little wider” —-“fuck yeah, just like that” Eddie says as white hot ropes of cum squirt out onto your lips and tongue, Steve can’t hold it in any longer as he’s watching Eddie paint your tongue, his cum squirting onto your cum filled tongue, getting some on your chin

Eddie brings his thumb to your chin wiping Steve’s cum off bringing it up to your tongue, you obey by licking it off—your tongue covered in their cum as you show it off to both of them— you instantly love the taste of them in your mouth, sitting on your tongue, you love the look they give you even more—like they could ravish you again—you finally swallow, holding your tongue back out to show them what a good girl you are

“Holy shit, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen” Eddie says to Steve as he nods his head in agreement

“Get up here, babe” Steve says as he grabs your arm to help you up

“Go lay on the bed with Eds, and I’ll clean you both up” he says as he goes to the bathroom and comes back with a wet towel to clean you and Eddie off with, after he’s done, he lays down on the other side of you throwing his arm over your stomach and onto Eddie’s

“We should go on a date soon” Eddie says as he lifts his head to look at you and the other man beside you

“Really?” you say with excitement

“Yeah we wanna take you out, show you off” Steve says

“So you both want to be with me?” You ask with a big smile on your face

“Of course we do, you’re our girl”

THANK YOU FOR READING

REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED

•Tag list•

@jordanwalkersworld @local-stoner-bitch

[tosomeonessomeone]

Intertwined.

words・3.2k /pairings・Bang Chan x reader / genres・fluff, humor, little angst/ warnings・ none

You’ve been working with Stray Kids for a long time as an artist and visual creator for the group, you and Bang Chan are really close due to being both 97’s liners.

The dance studio pulsated with tension as Chan grappled with intricate moves, each step echoing his mounting frustration. Minho's concerned gaze caught Chan's eye, "Hey, Chan, something's off. You seem distracted."

Chan let out a heavy sigh, "Yeah, it's been one of those days. Everything feels like it's falling apart."

As they retreated to the break area, the atmosphere grew more strained with the members bickering over trivial matters. Felix raised his voice, "Can we just focus, guys? This isn't helping anyone."

Chan, feeling the weight of the day pressing down on him, rubbed his temples. "I need a break," he muttered, escaping the heated exchange.

Silently, Chan sought refuge in your studio, a sanctuary amidst the chaos. As he entered, you looked up from your work, sensing the distress in his eyes. "Rough day?" you asked.

Chan slumped onto a chair, "You have no idea. Dance practice was a disaster, and the members are at each other's throats. I just needed some peace."

You nodded sympathetically, "Take your time. I'm here if you need to talk."

The frustration lingered as Chan paced around the studio. "This song is just not coming together! We're running out of time, and it's driving me crazy," he vented, frustration evident in every word.

Approaching cautiously, you offered, "Chan, take a deep breath. We'll figure it out, like we always do."

He shot you a sharp look, "It's not that simple! Do you even understand the pressure we're under?"

"I do, Chan. But snapping won't help. Let's talk it through," you urged, attempting to diffuse the tension.

He scoffed, "Talking won't magically make the song perfect! We need results, not empty words."

Remaining calm, you said, "I'm not trying to provide empty words. I'm here to support you, but yelling won't change anything."

Frustration boiling over, Chan exclaimed, "Support? I need more than support! I need solutions, and it feels like you're not getting it!"

Taking a deep breath, you carefully responded, "I'm on your side, Chan. We're a team, and we'll find a way together. But lashing out won't solve anything. Let's step back and rethink our approach."

He sighed, a mix of anger and exhaustion in his eyes, "I know, I just… I'm sorry. This is so much pressure, and I didn't mean to snap."

You nodded, "It's okay. We all have our moments. Let's take a break, clear our heads, and come back to it with a fresh perspective. We've got this, Chan."

As the tension gradually subsided, you both understood the challenges you faced but also the strength of your partnership to overcome them.

You extended your hand towards Chan, offering a silent gesture of reconciliation. He hesitated for a moment, then slowly lifted his hand to hold yours. The touch, though tentative, spoke volumes about the unspoken bond between you.

You guided him towards the couch, and as you both sat down, a heavy silence hung in the air. "Chan, I know it's tough," you began softly, "but we can navigate through this. We always do."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping, "I just get overwhelmed sometimes, you know? It feels like the weight of everything is on my shoulders."

You nodded, squeezing his hand gently, "You don't have to carry it all alone. We're a team, remember?"

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, "Yeah, a team. I forget that sometimes."

"It happens," you reassured, "but we're in this together." The room was filled with a comforting silence as you both absorbed the shared understanding.

Chan finally broke the quietude, "Thank you for being patient with me. I don't say it enough, but I appreciate you."

"I know," you replied with a soft smile, "and I appreciate you too, Chan. Let's tackle this challenge together, one step at a time."

As the weight of the argument lifted, you both leaned back on the couch, finding solace in the shared space. The connection between you spoke of a partnership resilient enough to weather storms, and the quiet moments that followed were a testament to the strength you found in each other.

Feeling the need for a break, you suggested, "How about we take the rest of the night off, Chan? We could use a breather."

He nodded in agreement, "Yeah, a break sounds good. My head's been spinning with the music."

You both settled on the couch, legs stretched out on a large puff in front of you. "What do you feel like eating?" you asked.

Chan thought for a moment, "Let's go with something comforting. How about ramen and dumplings?"

"Perfect choice," you grinned, reaching for your phone to place an order.

While waiting for the food, Chan scrolled through the movie options. "How about this one?" he suggested, showing you the screen.

You nodded in approval, "Sounds good to me. Anything to take our minds off things for a while."

As the food arrived, you both dug into the delicious spread of ramen and dumplings. The tension from earlier slowly dissipated, replaced by the warmth of shared comfort food. The movie played, casting a soft glow in the room.

Chan stole a glance at you, "Thanks for this. I needed a break more than I realized."

"You're welcome," you replied, "Sometimes stepping back is the best way to find a new perspective."

*your pov*

As the movie played on the screen, my thoughts swirled like a whirlwind. The atmosphere was relaxed, the air tinged with the comforting scent of the food we just enjoyed. Yet, there was a subtle undercurrent of unspoken emotions.

Feeling the weight of the day's events, I contemplated our journey together. Chan's dedication and passion were evident in every note he crafted, yet the toll of creative struggles was undeniable. The realization dawned that sometimes, in the silence between shared glances, words weren't necessary.

In a moment of unspoken connection, I decided to lean my head on Chan's shoulder. It was a subtle move, a gesture seeking solace and understanding. The soft fabric of his shirt provided a tangible reassurance, a quiet acknowledgment of the bond we shared.

As my head rested against him, I could almost feel the tension dissipate. The movie continued to play, but my attention was drawn to the rhythm of his heartbeat. There was an unexpected intimacy in this simple act, as if the proximity ignited a flutter within both of us.

I stole a glance at Chan, and our eyes met briefly. In that moment, it felt like our hearts were engaged in a silent conversation, exchanging sentiments that words struggled to convey. I sensed a subtle shift, a recognition of vulnerability and strength entwined.

For Chan, my head on his shoulder seemed to unleash a cascade of emotions. The rise and fall of his chest quickened, a heartbeat echoing the unspoken understanding that enveloped us. It was a moment frozen in time, where the complexities of the day faded into the background, leaving room for an uncharted connection that pulsed between us.

*Chan pov*

As her head gently found its place on my shoulder, a mix of emotions stirred within me. The weight of the day's frustrations lingered, but her silent gesture offered an unexpected balm. I could feel the subtle warmth radiating from her, a connection transcending words.

My mind raced, contemplating the intricacies of our partnership. Her support was unwavering, a pillar that held me steady amidst the creative storms. In that moment, as the soft fabric of my shirt cradled her head, I couldn't help but acknowledge the depth of our bond.

Her presence felt like a lifeline, a silent reassurance that we were navigating the challenges together. The movie played on, but my focus shifted to the rhythm of our shared heartbeat. The vulnerability of the day seemed to dissolve in the quiet intimacy of this simple act.

As I stole a glance at her, our eyes met briefly, and a surge of warmth pulsed through me. It wasn't just the weight of the day that quickened my heartbeat; it was the realization that our connection ran deeper than the melodies we created. It was a shared journey, marked by unspoken understanding.

Her head on my shoulder seemed to unlock a reservoir of emotions. The uncharted territory of vulnerability and strength interwoven echoed in the accelerated beats of my heart. In this unassuming moment, I found solace and a silent promise that, no matter the challenges, we faced them united, and that, perhaps, there was more to our connection than even I had realized.

*end of povs*

As the movie wove its story on the screen, a quiet tranquility settled between you. The weight of the day gave way to a shared moment of solace, and the air held a delicate sense of connection.

In a subtle shift, Chan's fingers brushed against yours, and without a word, he reached out to intertwine your hands together. It was a gesture both gentle and firm, a silent agreement that spoke volumes. The warmth of his touch sent a reassuring current through you, a reminder that, despite the challenges, you were navigating this journey hand in hand.

The intertwining of your fingers became a dance of unspoken understanding—a language that surpassed the need for words, a silent promise echoing the depth of your connection. In that shared grasp, the complexities of the day seemed to fade, leaving behind a sense of unity resonating between your intertwined hands.

As your fingers found their natural fit, you stole a glance at Chan. His expression mirrored a subtle mix of reassurance and vulnerability—a moment frozen in time, a bridge between the challenges you faced and the uncharted territories that lay ahead.

The movie continued to play, but the real narrative unfolded in the intertwining of your fingers—a quiet acknowledgment that, no matter the twists and turns, your hands would navigate the journey together.

As your intertwined fingers created a connection, a comfortable silence enveloped you. The movie played in the background, providing a soothing soundtrack to your unspoken conversation.

The soft glow of the studio lights created an intimate atmosphere as you gazed into Chan’s deep brown eyes, a gentle smile on your face. "You know, one of the things I love most is seeing you feel loved by your members. Despite the hardships, the way you guys support each other is truly heartwarming."

Chan's eyes reflected gratitude, "Yeah, they mean everything to me. Their support has been my anchor."

You nodded, "And now, it's made me realize something important."

Curiosity flickered in Chan's gaze, "What is it?"

"I want you to feel loved and cherished by me too," you confessed, "just like you do with your members. You deserve that, Chan, and I want to be the one to give it to you."

A warmth spread across Chan's face, a mix of surprise and appreciation. "You'd do that for me?"

"Absolutely," you assured, "you've shown me your vulnerabilities, and I want you to know that I'm here for you, just as you've been for your members. You deserve all the love and support, and I'm ready to be a part of that for you."

As the weight of your words settled in the air, Chan's expression shifted from surprise to a profound sense of gratitude. It was a moment of mutual understanding, a bridge between the support he received from his members and the love he was now willing to accept from you.

You couldn't help but glance at Chan, a soft smile playing on your lips. "You know," you began, "seeing you well, in your element, it just… makes my heart flutter."

He turned to you, a hint of surprise in his eyes, "Really? I thought I was a bit of a mess today."

You chuckled, "Everyone has those days. But the way you handle it, your dedication, it's inspiring. And being here for you, supporting you, it just feels right."

Chan's gaze held a warmth that mirrored your sentiments, "You have this way of making everything feel a bit lighter. I appreciate that more than you know."

You grinned, "Well, if you ever need someone to share the weight, I'm here. Always."

His expression softened, "That means a lot. It's reassuring to know you're by my side through all of this."

You nodded, "Absolutely. We're a team, right?"

He squeezed your hand gently, "Right. A team." The acknowledgment lingered in the air, and in that moment, the unspoken promise of always being there for each other became a quiet foundation beneath the surface of your connection.

As the movie's glow painted the room, Chan took a deep breath, his eyes reflecting a mix of vulnerability and determination. "I need to be honest with you," he began, his words measured yet sincere.

You turned your attention fully to him, a sense of curiosity and anticipation in the air. "What's on your mind, Chan?"

He ran his free hand through his hair, a subtle nervous gesture. "Over the past few months of working together, I've come to realize that just being part of a team with you might not be enough for me."

A quiet intensity settled between you, and you searched his eyes for understanding. "What do you mean?"

Chan met your gaze, "I've been feeling… more. More than just collaboration. It's like, every shared moment, every challenge we overcome, it's been building up. And I can't ignore it anymore."

Your heart skipped a beat as the weight of his words sank in. "Chan, what are you trying to say?"

He took a moment before confessing, "I think I've developed feelings for you, more than just professional admiration. I care about you deeply, and I can't help but imagine a future where it's not just about the music, but about us, together."

A blend of surprise and warmth enveloped you. "Chan, I never saw this coming."

He nodded, "I know it's unexpected, but I needed to be honest with you. I've been grappling with these feelings, and it felt like the right time to share them."

The room hung in a delicate silence, the weight of Chan's revelation echoing in the air. It was a turning point, an acknowledgment that the dynamics between you had shifted beyond the realm of collaboration, and the uncharted territory you now faced held the potential for something deeper.

Chan chuckled, breaking the emotional tension, "You know what made me realize it even more? It's those moments when you're just… you. Like when you decide it's a good idea to get me all dirty with paint, or when you declare a spa day because you can't deal with your artwork anymore."

You couldn't help but laugh at the memories. "Guilty as charged. I might be a bit unconventional with stress relief."

He grinned, "And that's what I love. Those silly moments, the laughter – it's when I feel closest to you. Like that time we had face masks and painted each other's nails."

You chuckled, "I didn't think you'd enjoy that."

Chan shrugged, "Honestly, it was one of the best days. It made me realize how much I appreciate not just the artist in you, but the person. The one who's not afraid to be a bit goofy, to let loose."

The sincerity in his voice melted away any lingering uncertainty. "Chan, I appreciate your honesty. These feelings, they're not one-sided," you admitted, "Those moments we share, they mean a lot to me too."

As the weight of his confession and your shared laughter lingered in the air, it became clear that your connection had transcended the professional realm. The acknowledgment of deeper feelings was met with a warmth that extended beyond the art studio, painting a canvas of possibilities for the journey ahead.

Chan's laughter filled the room, a contagious sound that lightened the atmosphere. "And you know what really got to me?" he continued, "When you started recreating all those memes from the group. Like that time you screamed 'Ice cream!' just like Minho."

You grinned, "Well, Minho's enthusiasm is contagious. I couldn't resist."

Chan chuckled, "You nailed it. I couldn't stop laughing. And then there was the moment you sang 'Listen to my heart beat' just like Chanbin. I think that's when I realized, I love seeing you be a part of our craziness."

You blushed, "I never expected my attempts at humor to have such an impact."

"It's not just the humor," Chan explained, "It's the fact that you're willing to dive into our world, to be a part of it. It's endearing, and I can't help but be drawn to it."

As your laughter echoed through the room, it became another layer of your connection—one that transcended the challenges of music and embraced the joyous, silly moments that brought you closer. The acknowledgment of these shared experiences added a touch of lightheartedness to the depth of emotions already present in the room.

As the glow of the TV casting a soft ambiance. Your eyes met Chan's gaze, there was an unspoken understanding, a connection that transcended words. A subtle shift occurred as your fingers brushed against each other's arms. The touch was gentle, tentative, yet filled with a mutual yearning for the uncharted.

Chan leaned in slowly, his eyes shifting from yours to your lips. The anticipation hung in the air, a sweet tension building. You found yourself doing the same, drawn to the magnetic pull of this unexplored territory.

In that moment of suspended time, your lips met in a sweet, lingering kiss. It was a delicate fusion of emotions—affection, longing, and the acknowledgment of something new and beautiful. Chan's hand cradled your cheek, his thumb brushing against it softly, deepening the connection between you.

The kiss unfolded in a slow dance, a merging of two souls discovering a shared melody. The studio, once filled with the echoes of music, now held the harmonious rhythm of your intertwined emotions.

Time seemed to melt away, forgotten in the tender exchange between you and Chan. The once-muted movie now a distant hum, overshadowed by the quiet symphony of shared emotions. As you shifted, Chan's hands found your hips beneath the oversized t-shirt, a subtle reassurance that echoed the newfound connection.

With a gentle motion, Chan helped you transition, and you found yourself straddling his lap. The warmth of his touch lingered through the fabric, creating a cocoon of intimacy. The shared gaze spoke volumes, revealing a depth of understanding that transcended spoken words.

Your arm circled around his neck, fingers gently tangling in his soft, curly hair. The texture was a testament to the authenticity of the moment, the tangible connection grounding you both in the reality of this shared space.

As your bodies intertwined, the studio became a canvas for a different kind of art—one painted with shared glances, lingering touches, and the quiet melody of your breaths. The oversized t-shirt draped loosely, a symbol of the vulnerability and ease that enveloped you.

Chan's hands on your hips and the soft strands of his hair entwined with your fingers created an unspoken language—a dance of intimacy that deepened with each passing moment. The movie, now a mere backdrop, faded into the periphery as your shared connection took center stage.

hey guys, this is my first time posting my writing here! hope you enjoy it.

[urgonnaneedabiggership]

Host of a Ghost

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language. Spoilers (Miguel's backstory is mentioned). Mild violence. Very, very light mention of a foiled SA (not to reader). Some angst.

Word count: 4.1K

Short A/N: This man has become my hyperfixation since I watched the movie and I'd been wanting to write something with him and today finally the muse came to me do I deliver you this decent-sized thing I wrote. Hope you like it <3

PART II

“Unusual” wasn’t a word you would’ve used to describe your life at all. At least not until about a year ago.

It was unusual to find a spider with such an odd color palette roaming your apartment since you were used to more dull-colored typical critters. It was also unusual that you didn’t panic enough to turn the apartment upside down to look for the thing before it bit you, but there was too much work to do, and a million notes from Dr. Connors to go over. It was equally unusual that you hadn’t rushed to the hospital the minute you noticed the tiny marks on your thigh.

“I mean, if it was really dangerous, it would have hurt more.” Was your reasoning to ignore it and keep scanning the pages before you. Nobody said pursuing a Ph.D. was without sacrifice. 

By the time you tried to stand up to make more coffee just to end up collapsing on your kitchen floor, it was much too late.

From then on, “unusual” was pretty much every day’s motto.

Having a nightmare that night about being suffocated and unable to escape just to wake up hanging upside down and wrapped in sticky shit was the first clue. Turns out you were actually able to produce said sticky shit at will in the shape of a thin thread, then you discovered the wall-climbing abilities, and before you knew it you were roaming the city at night trying to get comfortable threading between the tall buildings, running across rooftops and challenging yourself to climb this or that building as fast as you could. You felt indestructible, alive. It was wonderful.

You’d never forget the night of your first save either. For several reasons.

It was an ordinary night, right before returning to your apartment, when a violent shiver abruptly ran up your spine and every cell in your body commanded you to stop. When you did, a scuffle in a nearby alley caught your eye. A young girl was violently shoved against a wall by a man who pressed his hand against her mouth. The same second his hand came dangerously close to the zipper of her jacket, you practically tackled him from above and pinned him against the ground, having no clue of what to do besides throwing punches at his face until you knocked him out. A whimper coming from a dumpster behind made you realize you had an audience.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, remembering your uncovered face, the only solution at hand is to wrap your scarf around your head to try and hide as much as possible, “Oh god this feels too much like cultural appropriation for my taste,” You kept nervously rambling to yourself as you slowly approached the dumpster.

“Um…hi,” You greeted, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Being met with nothing but silence, you were about to leave when a soft voice replied.

“No. He didn’t. Thank you so much.”

“Is there…I don’t know; is there somebody you want me to call?”

“I want to call my mom.” She replied, her voice still shaking, “He took my phone.”

“Right. Phone. Okay.” You quickly made your way back to the unconscious man and pawed his clothes looking for it. He let out a groan in protest.

“Yeah it doesn’t feel right, does it asshole?” You muttered as you retrieved it from one of his pockets. Then you shoved him onto his stomach to tie his hands and legs behind his back before returning to the girl.

“Here. It still works,” You just held it over the dumpster, seeing nothing but her pale hand as it reached out to take it before you took a few steps back. 

“No, wait,” She immediately pleaded, “Please don’t leave me alone with him.”

“Like hell I am. I’m staying right here.”

So you waited with her until the police arrived. However, the minute you saw the flickering lights and heard the approaching siren, you retreated into the dark part of the alley and climbed onto the nearest building to escape through the rooftops.

It wasn’t until you were back in your apartment that you realized you’d been smiling all the way home. Carefully shutting the window behind you, you let yourself fall onto the couch and screamed joyfully, the pillow muffling the sound.

She was okay. A person was okay because you could intervene and do something about it.

However, a new wave of shivers flooded your veins so abruptly that you sat down immediately.

“Yeah, I know how that feels,” Came a feminine voice from the unlit kitchen, “Being able to help, I mean.”

You scrambled to your feet and started walking backward. However, the voice didn’t remain hidden for too long. A woman emerged from the shadows, dressed in red with a yellow hairband pushing her near-afro hair back. She greeted you with a soft smile.

“Your reflexes need polishing,”

“My…?” You repeated, dumbfounded.

“And you have to learn how to fight properly. Randomly throwing punches isn’t always going to cut it,”

“I’m sorry, who are you? Why are you in my apartment? Were you following me? Do you know about…?”

“Whoa, slow down, kid. I know you have questions, and I might be able to help you with that. But you’re going to have to come with me.”

“Alright, I’ll…let me just get my car keys,”

“Oh, sweetie,” The woman said in between laughs, not malicious but truly amused, “You have so much to learn,”

You were starting to wonder why she had elongated that “o” like that until, after pressing a few buttons on the device around her wrist, something that you would’ve described as a “black hole on LSD” erupted in the middle of your living room.

That night you learned that her name was Jessica Drews and that she was completely right about you having so much to learn. With a four-second-o.

Over the following months, you became capable of things you didn’t think possible. Walls that took you a minute to climb became easy obstacles that didn’t take up more than fifteen seconds of your time, your fighting skills had also improved exponentially under Jess’s tutelage, and of course, going from a life where you could count your friends with less than one hand to being constantly surrounded by amazing (no pun intended) Spider-People who not only understood the changes you were going through but warmly welcomed you into their circle was more than you could’ve asked for.

Well, perhaps some more willingly than others. And by others you meant him.

He, who seemed to be always around, silently watching but never intervening.

He, who despite being allegedly “always locked up in his lab” always seemed to personally oversee your training since day one.

Whom you’d tried to greet as gleefully as you did the others just to receive, if anything, a vague nod of acknowledgment. In your first three months, you had spoken maybe four times. Well, you had. He only hummed, nodded, or answered in monosyllables. You knew better than to waste your energy with people like that, but for some reason you were unwilling to just accept Miguel O’Hara didn’t like you and that was that.

“For some reason” being code for “I’m one second away from fainting every time he as much as looks in my direction,”

You weren’t a child, for crying out loud. You were aware that no matter how cold, distant, and seemingly indifferent the leader of your new team was, he was an insanely attractive man. Even with the fangs…no, especially with the fangs, for some reason. His whole aura that screamed “completely-inaccessible-frighteningly-powerful-twice-my-size-man” had you harboring a huge crush on him within two months of meeting him. So painfully unrequited that it was embarrassing.   Just the fact he could ignore your greetings and surely never think twice of it but you would spend the rest of the day wondering what you could’ve possibly said to make him at least say “hello” back made you want to scream into a pillow until your throat burned.

It was right up there with the time he’d muttered ‘much better’ when he saw you land a kick you’d been practicing and those three seconds kept playing on your head for the rest of the week.

The night of your first mission you decided you were going to prove your worth, not to your crush but to your team leader.

“I told him you’re ready,” Jess said with a proud smile, “He’s going to call you in sometime throughout the day to let you know where you’ll be going and with whom, probably me. How do you feel?”

“Excited, I guess,” You replied, pressing your lips together anxiously, “Also nervous. I don’t want to screw this up.”

“With me as your mentor? That’s unlikely,” Jess replied with a wink, giving you an encouraging pat on your shoulder as she walked away.

However, the day continued normally. You did some assigned tasks here and there, which mostly included helping Spider-Byte to keep everything running smoothly given your background in the tech field. You grabbed lunch, then thought it would be a good idea to train some more before going away.

You were beginning to lose all hope when, as you leaned down to fix some wiring, Lyla popped right beside your head and called your name so loudly you hit your head against the metal and hissed. One year and still you hadn’t used to the way she appeared out of nowhere.

“Oops, sorry,” She promptly apologized, “Well you’ll have to walk that off, Miguel wants to see you STAT.”

“How am I supposed to walk a head injury off, Lyla?” You joked, rubbing your forehead as you rushed across the halls with the holographical figure floating after you.

“Not in my code,” She replied using her usual excuse.

When you walked into his working space, Miguel’s back was turned to you as he used a digital pen to do some annotations on what looked like blueprints of new equipment. After he didn’t react to your presence for a few seconds, you hesitantly walked closer and cleared your throat.

“That looks nice. Is it a new suit?” You asked, as always, trying to start a conversation.

“I just received an alert about the…” He stopped and sighed as if saying the silly nickname was physically painful to him, “…the Go-Home-Machine. It said there was a small power overload since we sent back that Vulture from the 192-011 Universe.”

“Yeah, but Byte and I are already working on that and it should be fully functional by tomorrow morning,” You replied, a bit confused as to what that had to do with your mission.

“Good. Let me know as soon as it’s fixed.” Miguel hastily replied, not even turning to face you until a whole minute passed and he realized you were still standing there. Even then, he just barely turned his head.

“That’s all, (Y/N). Thank you.”

That’s all? What do you mean that’s all?

“Was there something else you wanted to do?” He asked. Shit. You’d said that out loud.

“I…Jessica told me that I’m ready to go on a mission and that today you…”

“I said I would think about it, and I have.”

He fell silent again. No matter how attractive he was, you were starting to truly get pissed at his stupid theatrical antics.

“And?”

“And the answer’s no. You’re not ready yet.”

That felt like all the disappointments in your entire life added up and multiplied by ten. Especially because of how easily he dismissed you despite being aware of how hard you’d worked, how many nights you decided to forgo hours of sleep just to train and polish every movement until it was as close to flawless as you could.

“Not ready yet?” You practically hissed in a voice you almost didn’t recognize. Hell, it was enough for him to put down the pen. “Not ready yet? That kid Pavitr has been here for what? A month? And he’s already going off on missions. Alone, I might add!”

Unsurprisingly, he did not answer.

“And he’s very, very good, I’m not saying he isn’t. But I’m just as good. And more experienced, both at being here and at being a Spider-Person. I have completed every training scenario you’ve thrown my way, worked my ass off to understand every bit of information regarding interdimensional traveling, and studied the protocol to control anomalies, what is it that you still need me to prove?”

He took a deep breath. So deep that his shoulders rose, flexing the muscles of his back in such a way that if you hadn’t been so angry, you would’ve been too distracted to keep arguing. Even with your blood boiling, you couldn’t help but stare and feel your stomach tense at the sight.

“Do you like being part of this team, (Y/N)? Do you like training in our headquarters, having access to all our information, and maintaining contact with the other members of this society?”

“Of course I do,” You replied immediately. Slowly, Miguel turned around to face you completely and walked towards you, descending the two small steps that separated you until he stood towering over you. Even if your knees were about to give in to this unexpected closeness, this wasn’t the time to fold. You held his glare defiantly and folded your arms in an attempt to mentally guard yourself against him.

“Then I suggest you get in line and do as you’re told,” He said in a low voice. But it wasn’t threatening, or condescending. It was an odd, flat tone. Tired, perhaps. Almost as if…as if he was reprimanding you against his will.

He was almost unbearably close. You could feel his breath hitting your face. If right then all logic flew out of the window and you stood on your tiptoes you could…

“I’ll do that when you’ve earned my respect, and I have a policy of reciprocity when it comes to respect, Miguel. I’ve been in line for a year, I’ve listened, learned, and improved so much that if you’re still looking down on me, then it’s your problem, not mine. And no self-righteous, big-headed…”

“Just get out,” He cut you off, once again turning his back to you and walking towards the blueprints again.

“Oh no, I’m not finished…” You insisted, trying to follow him. However, as soon as you gave one step forward he turned around so violently that you stumbled backward and stared at him with something you hadn’t felt towards him up until then: fear.

“Yes, you are,” Was his only reply. As dull as the others.

While you could only see his face for a moment before he walked past you and left the room, something about his expression stuck with you even hours later, when you laid on your bed at night and combed through the scene over and over. You thought he would be fuming, maybe even shocked that you’d dared to talk to him like that. The last thing you expected was for him to look…upset. Hurt, even. The mere thought of you being able to hurt Miguel O’Hara was as ridiculous as imagining a goldfish fighting back against a shark. Still, you realized that even if you thought he was in the wrong, you felt bad about how things went down back there. You would never understand what being the leader of hundreds of super-powered people was like. Commanding each and directing their particular abilities as best as he could all while maintaining a vigilant eye on endless strings of causes and effects because he knew firsthand the consequences of being careless with them.

Even if he had made a mistake with you and of course you still wanted to address it later, right then all you wanted was to apologize.

And so, not even an hour later you were roaming the halls of the HQ, your heart beating furiously as you got closer to his quarters, wondering what you could even begin to say.

When the automatic doors slid open, you stepped inside and turned back to look as the doors closed behind you. Well, no turning back now.

“Miguel?” You called, looking around the large room, pondering whether a first-name basis was okay. After everything that had happened, going back to Mr. O’Hara sounded terribly stupid. Then your eyes landed on the row of screens where he spent most of his time. An extremely ill-timed wave of curiosity filled your chest as you approached them, taking another look at the seemingly empty room before stepping onto the platform. Getting bolder, you reached out your hand and brushed your fingertips across one of the screens. It immediately came to life with a blue glow, startling you and making you curse under your breath. You were about to look for a button to switch it off when a video started playing automatically from where he had left off. He was in it, holding a young girl. Miguel wasn’t just smiling. He was laughing. His laugh was exactly as you’d pictured it. Not particularly loud, but hearty and low. He had the kind of laugh that made you unwittingly smile as well as a newfound sympathy filled your chest as tears filled your eyes when you pictured that being taken from him just like that. How could one have a family, and then one day be completely alone and keep going?

With a renewed disposition to make things better between you, your hand reached out for the switch that would turn the screen off until a third voice piqued your interest. It belonged to whoever was holding the camera.

“Would you please stop hoarding her? I deserve some mother-daughter time too! Here, hold this thing and give her to me,” The voice said between laughs. There was something about that voice that made an extremely cold shiver run down your spine.

“Fine, you’re right. Bueno pues, mijita, ve con mamá, ¿quieres ir con mamá?”

The picture became blurry as the camera switched places with a giggling Gabriella, who could be briefly seen stretching her arms toward the third figure.

“Alright,” Came Miguel’s voice again, “But when I turn the camera towards you I want both of you to blow Daddy a kiss, can you do that for me?”

Without waiting for an answer, he turned the camera around.

And then you found yourself staring into your own eyes. They weren’t quite the same shade as yours, and “your” hair was styled differently. And “you” had freckles. But otherwise, it was like staring into an interdimensional mirror. Then, your voice spoke.

“Okay sweetie, let’s humor him, shall we? Blow Daddy a kiss. And another one from me because now I have to use both arms to hold you, my big girl!”

Miguel laughed again at the way his daughter’s face lit up at being called a “big girl”.

“¿Saben que las amo a las dos, verdad?”

“And Gabriella loves you too. I think you’re…nice enough.”

“(Y/N), I don’t think you marry somebody for ‘nice enough’, mi amor,”

“I love you too. Against my better judgment.”

With one last interrupted laugh, the video ended, and, in a cruel irony, the once again black screen showed your actual reflection.

Except this time, it wasn’t the only one. With a loud gasp, you turned around. After seeing him in that video, it became much more evident that the Miguel in it was nothing but a memory of the past. And in a matter of seconds, everything shifted into place like a gloomy puzzle. His expression was unreadable, though he wasn’t even looking at you. His eyes were fixed on the empty screen.

“I wasn’t supposed to ever see that, was I?” Was the only thing that came to your mind after a lengthy, tense silence.

“What good would it have done?” He replied, almost numbly.

“So that’s why you’ve always…stared?” You kept pushing. Against your better judgment, you thought.

“It was at first,” Came his only response. Like always, it seemed like you would have to tear the answers off him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, turning your head to look for his eyes. Even then, something warm filled your chest. Something that made your heart beat so quickly you felt as if it would stop at any moment, and it spread all over you no matter how much you tried to fend it off. Hope.

Surprisingly, this time he caved in and looked at you. Still, the answer never came. For the first time in all the time you’d known him, Miguel O’Hara was at a loss for words. And that said more than anything he could’ve come up with.

“And you expect me to believe that, by sheer chance, you happened to catch feelings for somebody who is practically your wife’s interdimensional twin?”

“It sounds so much worse when you say it like that,” Was that a hint of a smile? An attempt at a joke? One year and the only time he’d bothered to be decent to you was when you were talking about how much you looked like her?

With an annoyed look, you moved away from him and started to make your way to the exit.

“Do you think I wanted this?” He spoke rather loudly, his whispers going out of the window as he started to follow you across the room.

Miguel O’Hara following you to keep you from leaving. Just hours before you would’ve died of happiness at the mere thought of this scenario. Right now, your brain was a flurry of thoughts and emotions that you didn’t know how to handle.

“I was doing an amazing job at keeping my distance. Watching you from afar, seeing you laugh, grow, win everybody over with that awfully big heart of yours, and still I reined myself in,” He continued, “Today’s the perfect example. You thought I didn’t respect you, for fuck’s sake! I respect you so much that every single day I have ignored you and pretended you are nothing but another face in the halls. Damn it, (Y/N), I couldn’t even look you in the eye when for months you’ve been all I’ve wanted. All because I didn’t know if I loved you or what was left of her. And I didn’t want you to get involved in shit that’s mine to figure out.”

Hearing him not only withdraw his previous statement of you not being capable of doing things and accepting the problem was his and not yours made you stop in your tracks.

Fine, the sudden (though odd) love declaration had something to do with it too.

“So you don’t think I’m not ready?” You asked, turning around and even taking some steps towards him.

“Are you serious? I’ve watched you closely all these months. You learn in days what others do in weeks. You push yourself way more than so many of our members and yet I’ve never, ever seen you become overconfident. Today you never said you knew everything. You said you knew enough.”

This time, it was you who remained silent. There was something else you wanted him to elaborate on, and from the look in his eyes, you realized he knew damn well what it was.

“You were right. The problem wasn’t yours. It was mine all along. I could manage to push you away and keep my feelings at bay. But knowing that you were eventually going to go out there and take so many risks...worst case scenario, you could get hurt or not come back at all. That was too much for me to handle, s’all.”

“Were you afraid of losing me…?” You started to ask just for him to interrupt you.

“Yes. Very much.” However, you lifted a hand to stop him. You weren’t finished.

“Were you afraid of losing me, or were you afraid of losing her again, Miguel?”

Three seconds later, when no answer came out of his mouth, you were about to turn around once again when he rushed and stood in front of you. For a second, you thought he was going to grab your shoulders to keep you in place. Not wanting to come off as if he was forcing you to stay, his hands just hovered on both sides of your shoulders without touching you.

“Listen, she wasn’t a picky eater like you are. But I swear that woman never drank enough water and every time I see you there’s either a bottle in your hand or laying around. And she was so, so messy. It took us at least ten minutes to find the keys every single time…and Spider-Byte said you sort your tools by size and color. Color. (Y/N), I don’t think even I…”

“Are you getting somewhere with this?”

“You’re not her, (Y/N). You have never been, and you never will, I know that. I want you to know that I wouldn’t want you to be any other way. I love you.”

After that, he moved out of the way and folded his arms.

“If you want to go back to your dimension and stay there for a while…or for good, I don’t know, I completely…”

“I love you too, you know?” You cut him off, pressing your lips together after blurting out the three words that’d been haunting you for the past months. Words that up until now you were sure would never leave your chest. When you turned to look at him, you saw in his eyes what minutes ago had filled yours. Hope.

God, his face was so hauntingly beautiful when his features softened.

“What do you want from me?” You finally asked him, your voice shaky from the effect you knew his answer would have regardless of what it was.

Miguel moved closer to you almost hesitantly, his eyes never leaving yours. When he was close enough, he reached out with both his hands and slid them up the back of your neck, his thumbs tucked in front of your ears as his warm palms engulfed the back of your head so he could hold you while he brought his face down to press his forehead against yours.

“Mi amor, I’d give you all I am and be happy with whatever you’re willing to give me for now,”  

You knew it would take some time for you to get used to hearing him say things like that without wondering if you were the only one in his mind when he did. It would be a while until you felt completely certain that you were made of flesh and bone and not just a ghost in his eyes, but it would happen. You saw his eyes as he drew his face closer to yours and when your lips touched, you knew that it would definitely happen sooner or later. Until then, you thought as you stood on your tiptoes when he almost desperately pressed his lips onto yours, he was very much worth the wait.

[saetoru]

#TOP OF THE CLASS! — GETO SUGURU.

「 SYNOPSIS 」 ⋮ geto + virgin killing - your TA is nice, and more importantly, handsome. accidentally sending him nudes makes you realise he's also inexperienced

♱ kinktober ⋮ find the masterlist here !!

♱ pairing ⋮ college TA! geto suguru x student! reader

♱ length ⋮ 5.5k words (she tried okay. she did)

♱ contents ⋮ nsfw and 18+ content, fem! reader, college! au, TA! geto, student! reader, med! student shoko, forging of legal documents (shoko forges you a doctor’s note lol), mentions of drinking + being under the influence, unprofessional relationships, explicit photography (taking + accidentally sending nudes), virgin! + inexperienced! geto, semi-public sex (in a campus office), teasing, humiliation, mentions of male masturbation, handjobs, blowjobs, nipple play, fingering, riding, praise kink, unprotected sex, creampie, multiple orgasms, overstimulation

♱ notes ⋮ here is the first kinktober post i hope you all enjoy and HAPPY OCTOBER ITS MY FAV SEASON

the first rule of being a college student is having good time management. that should’ve been something you remembered before saving this paper for the last minute—because now you’re beginning to regret overestimating your ability to finish all the research and the required components and hit the word count. and then you have to cite your sources—which is a pain, and the clock isn’t slowing even a little as it ticks away closer and closer to the deadline. 

you’re doomed, finished for the semester before you could’ve even fully begun. you’re counting your moments to failure for a class you absolutely need to graduate. this paper is thirty percent of your grade—how could you have been so careless as to leave it so last minute?

“it’s useless,” you moan woefully into your phone, making shoko snort as you hear her continue to type away on her keyboard. it hits you that if shoko of all people is further along her paper than you—the same shoko that cheats on everything—then you’ve really let yourself go. “i’m never going to finish this on time,” you mutter. 

“i told you to get started earlier,” she says matter of factly, almost with enough i told you so energy in her voice that you’re two seconds from storming over to her apartment and smashing her laptop to bits. but shoko has a point—even if you refuse to acknowledge it since…well, it’s shoko, after all. 

“i’m not on call with you to lecture me,” you grumble, “i’m on call with you to help me find a solution. you think if i offer the TA a blow job, he’ll give me an A?”

shoko snorts, pausing her typing as if she’s actually contemplating the idea. “maybe, honestly. you know he’s our age, and he’s like years ahead of us? probably too busy with school to get any bitches,” she laughs, making you roll your eyes as a smile tugs at your lips no matter how hard you try to fight it. 

“you know what, you might be right,” you chuckle. you almost feel bad for joking at his expense—your TA is nice, he’s young and kind and understanding, he takes time to slowly go over things when people have questions, he answers emails politely and quickly no matter how stupid the reason, he and has sensible rules that aren’t too strict. and, if you’re being honest, he’s rather handsome. “i wouldn’t mind giving him a blow job though,” you hum, “he’s cute.”

“gross,” shoko gags, “geto suguru is not cute.”

“he is too,” you argue, furrowing your brows as you huff, “he’s probably one of the few men i’ve seen who make a man bun work. and i know he’s ripped under that sweater, he has to be. i saw him leave the gym the other day, and his arms were huge.”

“he’s probably just trying to get bitches,” shoko snorts, “i bet he’s a virgin.”

“shut up,” you laugh, and for a moment, your mind wanders to your stupidly handsome TA. 

you shouldn’t be thinking about him this way—fantasizing about anyone who grades your papers is a line you shouldn't really cross, but you can’t help it. your thoughts turn into what hearing his smooth, deep voice would be like if he moaned into your ear, or what his bangs would look like stuck to his sweaty forehead, or what his abs would look like clenching as he cums, or how breathless he’d sound as he whispers your name—

“wait, i just had an idea,” shoko interrupts your thinking with a gasp, making you shake out of your (very dirty) thoughts as you blink.

you clear your throat, trying your best not to sound flustered as you speak. “i’m scared to ask what the idea is—you’re not really known for having good ones,” you say warily. you can practically see her eyes roll without her being there with you—you’ve been friends with shoko long enough to know her like the back of your hand. and if you know her like you think you do, her idea is about to cause you a lot of stress.

“well, looks like i’m never trying to help you again,” she scoffs, “i could’ve written you a doctor’s note with a few of the copies i managed to snatch—but since you don’t want my help—”

“no, wait! you’re a genius,” you gasp happily, grinning wide as shoko huffs through the phone and mutters something faintly similar to ungrateful under her breath, “i could kiss you on the lips right now.”

“no thank you. you suck,” she hisses. you only giggle, relief flooding through your bones that maybe your grade is saved—and all thanks to having a friend who works in a doctor’s office. you silently send the universe your gratitude for having your best friend pursue a career in the medical field—the perks prove to be quite beneficial, it seems. 

“just send me a picture of it and make it seem like i’m too sick to work on the paper, and i’ll tell him i won’t finish in time. a one day extension should be enough.”

“where would you be without me,” she grumbles quietly, “i’ll send it to you in a second. now please let me finish my paper in peace.”

“okay. love you, you’re the best.”

“i hate you.” the line clicks and you giggle, happily celebrating that you most likely have a saved grade and a free night to yourself now that shoko has so kindly offered you a solution. and of course, you’ll take this as a learning curve and appropriately plan to give yourself enough time for the next paper.

it’s not long before your phone dings and shoko’s contact pops up on your screen with, sure enough, a doctor’s note with today’s date and reason for the visit. shoko has even taken the liberty to make you seem contagious—just so you can skip class tomorrow for good measure. beaming, you text a quick thanks bestie <3 in response—too happy to even care that she sends you an emoji flipping you off. 

and it doesn’t take you long to craft the email either, making sure to properly address him with a greeting, adding apologies for the inconvenience—and as the icing on the cake, a promise that it won’t ever happen again in the future. you click the photo to upload the doctor’s note, and without even a second thought, you click send. 

and then within the split second that the email sends, and you realize just which photo you’ve accidentally clicked, your life flashes before your eyes. 

“no,” you mumble, “no no no,” you chant as you quickly open the email you’ve sent, eyes wide and throat dry. 

the photo is not the picture of the doctor’s note shoko sent—instead, it’s the picture right under it in your camera roll. the picture that’s not very suitable for sending your TA. the picture of your tits, just barely covering your nipples with your arm. the picture you took through giggles while changing after getting a little tipsy the night before (you’d felt just a tad bit sexy in your makeup.)

you sit in silent shock as you register that you just sent your TA your nudes—and just to make matters worse, he responds almost instantly, making your heart drop as you stare at his emailed reply with a shaky hand holding up your phone. 

please meet me in my office tomorrow before class so we can discuss the above email. 

suddenly, your worries are a lot more complicated than simply failing a class.

———————————————

you barely slept the night before, if at all, to be completely honest with yourself. the worst-case scenario runs through your head the entire time you toss and turn in bed. geto is probably going to report this, and then you’ll get expelled, and then you’ll never make it with a successful career, and then you’ll never be able to show your face to anyone you know again. 

your feet are as heavy as lead as they drag along the walk to his room, and you contemplate turning back and never showing up to his office, maybe simply even just refusing to ever return to campus at all. maybe you can move countries and start over somewhere else—maybe you can change your name and make a new life for yourself. 

but instead, you take a deep breath and knock on the door, waiting until you hear a soft come in before you enter. geto is seated at the desk, typing away at his laptop before meeting your eyes as you walk in.

“uh…hi,” you start, standing awkwardly by the door.

“hello,” he says, eyeing you slightly before looking back at his screen. if he has any ill feelings about last night, he does a good job of hiding it—you can’t read a single emotion on his face. somehow, that makes things worse. “have a seat,” he gestures at the chair across from him on the other side of the desk, waiting for you to seat yourself nervously in front of him. 

you sit down, watching as he opens his mouth to start—but you begin speaking before he can. “look, i know that email was really inappropriate, and i’m really sorry—it was an accident, i swear! i meant to click on the picture above it, and i didn’t realize—”

“i understand,” he cuts you off as he holds a hand up, offering you a kind smile that makes you tilt your head in confusion, “it’s fine.” fine. fine? he’s…just fine with it? he’s just willing to let you off the hook? “i’m not much older than you,” he chuckles, “i’m not foreign to these things. i’m sure you’re active in…that aspect of your life.”

oh god—why you? why of all people did this have to be you? why is the world so hellbent on making your life miserable in every aspect?

you eye the coiled wires of the phone on his desk, and you contemplate strangling yourself with them before he can say something anymore embarrassing. but, you have to admit—this is far better than being told you’ve been reported to the dean for misconduct.

“i’m really sorry if it made you uncomfortable,” you fiddle with your fingers as you avoid his gaze, “i really did mean to send you a doctor’s note. i just didn’t realize i hit the picture under it.”

“like i said, it’s okay,” he reassures. calm. he’s almost too calm about this. too okay with it. almost like…like he didn’t mind at all in the first place.“but i wanted to make sure you’re aware of how fragile photos like that are.”

“huh?” you raise a brow. now, this is not where you expected the conversation to steer. you expected a lecture on how sending an educator your explicit photos is highly unprofessional, that it’s unacceptable and suggests other things—things that are completely against the rules and completely out of question to even consider. 

“i mean, photos like those getting into the wrong hands can lead to really bad predicaments,” geto continues, clearing his throat as he closes his laptop and meets your gaze. he looks you dead in the eye as he speaks his next words, “and i wouldn’t want sensitive content of you circulating around campus.”

“right,” you nod slowly, “it’s not like i send them around, or anything. i was just a bit drunk that night, and i was in my room bored, and my makeup was cute so i was feeling good about myself…and…and…yeah…” you trail off. 

why are you even explaining this to him in such detail? you silently curse yourself in your head, beating yourself up for running your mouth so much. 

“oh, that’s good to know,” he nods, “i’m glad to hear that. no one else has possession of these photos?”

you eye him slowly, “nope,” you confirm. “just you—by accident, of course.”

you’re not sure if you imagine it, or if the situation as a whole is making you overinterpret everything that’s happening—but you’re almost certain you hear his breath hitch a little. he’s no longer looking at you, no longer burning you under his gaze like he was just a minute ago.

“right, by accident,” he repeats. it’s slow, like he’s reminding himself, like he has to speak slowly to process the information. “well, i hope this serves as a lesson for being more careful next time. you don’t want young men to save such pictures of yourself for ulterior motives.”

geto suguru, your teacher’s assistant for intro to literature 1301, seems to be rather invested in your well-being—more than a TA really should be. if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s almost disappointed that you sent him a significantly revealing photo of yourself by accident instead of intentionally. and, if you squint just a little, it almost seems like he doesn’t want anyone else to have the pictures. not because he’s concerned for you—but rather, because he wants to be the only one who’s seen them. 

your thoughts from last night come flooding back, how he’s probably well built under his shirt, how shoko thinks he’s still a virgin, and especially how he probably looks and sounds when he’s overwhelmed with pleasure. and geto suguru might think he has you cornered like a cat would a mouse, but what he doesn’t know is that you’ve been the serpent the whole time, fangs ready to sink into him and devour him whole. 

“you know, you seem like you speak from experience,” you can’t help but grin slightly. 

now, logically speaking, this is wrong—this is pushing the kindness he so graciously showed you. by now, you should be fighting back tears as you figure out a way to break the news to everyone you know that you’ve had to receive an expulsion for sending your TA nudes. by now, your life should’ve been at an all time low, so you really shouldn’t be testing your luck. 

but geto has practically seen your tits, so you’re not really sure there’s any point in acting like an angel around him—and he’s so incredibly hot in that button up shirt of his, sleeves rolled halfway up his arm. plus, the thought of him being your inexperienced TA, one who lets you strip him of his innocence as you slowly taint his purity—it excites you a little more than it really should.

he clears his throat, not meeting your eyes. this time, yours bore into him through a searing gaze that almost makes him shift uncomfortably. 

“well, like i said, i am around your age, so i know how men’s minds work when it comes to these things—”

“so then tell me,” you raise a brow, smirking slightly as his jaw clenches, “is it because your mind works the same way?”

“now—”

“did you save my tit pics to your phone?” you ask bluntly. he hides the choked cough through a clearing of his throat—bingo, you think. almost instantly, the room shifts to him being nervous under your gaze as you eye him smugly. 

something about sweet, kind, successful geto suguru, young and ambitious with a perfect gpa and a flawless resume, being hot and bothered by your breasts makes you swell with pride—and you think maybe…maybe giving him a blow job might not be such an outlandish thought after all. 

maybe he wants it to be a reality just as badly as you do. 

“w-what are you implying—”

“did they turn you on?” you interrupt, watching as his cheeks heat up a slight flush of pink, “did you wish i’d moved my arm down so you could get the full view?” he clears his throat, opening his mouth to speak, but you don’t give him the chance. “was that the first nude you’ve ever been sent?”

“i think that’s enough,” he says sternly, but his voice is slightly higher in pitch—which tells you everything you need to know. and you’re enthused. “keep in mind, i could have every intention to notify the dean of these—”

“but suguru,” you pout, rolling his first name off your tongue so sweetly, he can’t help but be hungry for another taste of something so decadent, “if you tattle on me, you’ll never get a chance to actually see my nipples this time,” you giggle, “isn’t that what you want?”

“i—”

“i wonder,” you grin wickedly, “did you act like every other guy our age and jack off to a random girl’s tits?” 

you must hit close to home because he lets out a shaky exhale, jaw tight and fists clenched as his knuckles turn pale. he swallows thickly before finally meeting your eyes, face a deep shade of crimson as you grin at him widely. 

“i…i’m not…immune to things of that nature,” he finally admits, voice strained as your grin widens. almost instantly, you’re standing up, locking the door behind you and making your way over to his side of the desk without hesitation. the cards have been dealt in your hand, all that’s left is to play them—and you’re pleased to say that the game is heavily leaning in your favor. 

“wanna show me?” you ask with a sultry voice, “wanna show me how you fucked your fist last night? i’ll even let you see my nipples this time around,” you murmur as you seat yourself on his lap. 

geto scoots his chair back and makes room for you, breathing heavily as his pants strain with the tent already forming in them. his breath hitches when your hand rubs over his erection—and he curses himself for being so pathetic as to let a few words from you let him get riled up like this. but you’re so pretty—always have been. 

you sit in class and chew on the top of your pen, making it hard to avert his attention from your mouth. you tilt your head and furrow your brows so cutely when you’re confused, making it hard for him to concentrate on what he’s teaching. you laugh so sweetly out of glee when you do something correctly, and your voice shoots right through his heart—and sometimes, as ashamed as he is to admit it, straight to his dick too. 

and he’s well aware of how bad of an idea this is, but this is everything he’s ever dreamt about—right here under the palm of his hands. literally. so he grips your hips tightly, bringing you to rub over him through your own pants. the friction makes him throw his head back, moaning quietly as your clothed cunt drags along his length. you chuckle, palms gliding over his chest through his shirt and feeling the firm muscle under your hands. 

“does that feel good?” you ask, making him stifle a whimper as you glide over his nipples through his shirt.

your hands move to unzip his pants—and the best part? he lets you. he sits back and lets you free his aching cock from its confinements, he lets you wrap your fingers around his thick girth and squeeze gently, and he lets you pull the soft, low moans you’ve fantasized of hearing from his lips as you smear his pre cum along his shaft and stroke him slowly. 

“f-fuck,” he grunts, hips bucking into your hand, lips tugging between his teeth as he pants harshly with every squeeze at the base of his cock. and because you really can’t help it, you lean down to kiss along his jaw, making your way to his neck and nibbling at his skin. he groans, whispering your name—it makes your thighs squeeze together as a dull ache forms between your own legs. “feels…feels so good,” he mumbles breathlessly, “so different when you do it.”

you giggle, watching him carefully so as not to miss a single reaction. “oh yeah? you know, shoko said you were probably a virgin,” you purr against his ear, making his hands clutch onto your hips tighter, “you seem to be proving that theory right.”

“d-don’t stop,” he pleads when your hand slows, making his hips thrust sloppily into your fist and try to keep your earlier pace going. but you’re mean—just a tad bit cruel, and you wanna see him ooze with shame. so you squeeze on his cock, stilling the movement and making him rasp as he buries his head into your neck with a whine. 

“are you a virgin, suguru?” you hum, stroking his hair soothingly—but it contradicts the teasing tone of your voice. 

his face burns in your neck, “yes,” he mumbles quietly, like the admission stings. 

“how cute,” you pout, “so no one’s ever sucked your dick before?” he shakes his head slowly into the crook of your neck—but it’s not nearly as satisfying when he’s hiding, so you pull his face away despite his initial protesting. “i want to hear it,” you say firmly. 

“fuck—no,” he groans, his face an even deeper shade of red than you thought was possible, “no, no one has ever…you know…”

“sucked your dick?” you grin.

“stop,” he whines. you chuckle quietly before climbing off his lap and sinking down to your knees before him, looking up at his shocked face with a smirk. 

“wanna know something?” you hum, “i’ve thought about sucking your dick.” 

“thinking about you TA like that?” he huffs a chuckle—but whatever semblance of composure he had, he loses as soon as you press a gentle kiss to the tip of his flushed cock, reddened and swollen at the head as beads of pre cum leak from the slit. 

“just like you jack off to your student,” you shoot back, “you want it, suguru? do you want me to make you feel good?”

“god—yes,” he hisses, “get on with it,” he says as he’s throwing you a glare when you snicker up at him from in between his legs. you run your tongue along the tip, humming as you take in the taste of him before wrapping your lips around him and taking him down your throat. 

the reaction is instant—geto slumps back against his chair, gasping as you swallow around him, bobbing your head up and down his length. you loosen your jaw, fucking him with your mouth, letting your tongue drag along the thick vein running across the underside of his cock. his hand falls to the top of your head while the other grips the armrest of his chair, skin turning white over his knuckles as he tightens his hold with each time the warmth of your mouth swallows around him. 

“oh—g-god, shit that’s it,” he grunts, hips bucking into your throat as you pick up your pace. “feels fuckin’ amazing—oh, fuck.”

your hand wraps around the base of his member, pumping what won’t fit in your mouth so no part of him is left neglected. and when your other hand reaches for his balls, rolling the sensitive sacs in your hand and squeezing gently, he rewards you with a whine, voice lilting off to a high pitched moan as his hips thrust up instinctively. your nose brushes against his pelvis, and with a few more swallows, you feel him twitch in your mouth. 

“fuck, fuck, ‘m c-close,” he pants, chest falling and rising erratically. you look up, watching through teary eyes as spit and pre cum dribble down your chin, taking in the pretty sight of his face flushed and his skin damp, bangs clinging to his forehead just like you imagined them to. “don’t stop—’m gonna cum…gonna…gonna make me cum,” he rasps. 

you moan around him, and the vibrations send him over the edge, hips raising as he groans loudly. hot, thick ropes of his cum paint your mouth, seeping past your lips and dripping down your chin as you try your best to swallow what you can. geto sounds better than you expected—voice deep and raspy, but still the same smoothness it always holds even through the cracks as he brokenly calls your name. 

the sound of his voice as he moans your name makes your walls clench around nothing and your clit throb. you let him fuck himself into your mouth through his high, riding out the last waves of his orgasm as pleasure burns through every nerve and every inch of him. when he finally slumps back into his chair, breathing harshly, you pull off of his cock, wiping the mess from your chin on your sleeve. and before you can open your mouth to tease him some more, you’re pulled back onto his lap, his mouth on yours, kissing you deep. 

“this’ll have to be a secret,” he mumbles, “for both of us.” 

for someone who’s never done anything like this before, geto rids you of your clothes almost expertly, lifting your shirt over your arms and sliding your pants off in an instant. he groans when his fingers trace over your clit—which you’re happy to know he can find—and feels the wetness of your slick drooling over the fabric. 

“c’mon, suguru,” you hum, voice edging on a little impatient, “go ahead and touch a pussy for the first time.”

he huffs, yanking the fabric to the side before sinking his ring and middle fingers into you, knuckle deep as this thumb runs circles along your clit. you whine, grinding your hips down on his hand, impatiently waiting for him to move. 

“for someone who’s experienced,” he grins, “you’re awfully impatient.” 

you open your mouth to respond, but as soon as you try to retort, his fingers thrust into you, hitting the sensitive spot of your walls with ease and making you cut yourself off with a moan. he scissors his fingers, stretching you open as your head falls to his shoulder with soft whimpers, feeling him curl his digits deep into you. you whine as your clit hits over his palm, feeling the slow build up of the coil in your belly reach the snapping point.

“keep going,” you encourage, “‘m close, k-keep going—fuck, suguru!” 

“god, you’re so pretty,” he breathes, watching as your head tips back and your mouth parts with a silent sob, watching as you break—all because of him. your walls spasm around his fingers as they bully into you and ride you through your orgasm, and your lips are slightly swollen from biting on them, eyes crinkled as you screw them shut, skin damp and glistening as sweat coats your forehead. 

perfect—you look perfect, and suguru has fantasized about this image in his head for so long, he can hardly believe it’s a reality before him. 

your hands find his long hair, tugging and twisting at the strands that slip between your fingers as the last few waves of your high crash over you. 

the rest is a blur—somewhere through rough and sloppy kisses, through rolled hips and soft groans as you grind against each other, geto has managed to unclasp your bra, letting your tits bounce freely. his hands immediately cup around them, squeezing gently before his lips pull away and his eyes fall to your chest. 

“fuck, they look better in person,” he grunts, rolling his thumbs over your pebbled nipples before pinching them lightly and rolling them between his fingers. you squeal, and your cunt is dripping—smearing your slick along his bare thigh as he teases over the sensitive skin. “feels good?” he mumbles.

“so good—don’t stop,” you moan, making his breath hitch in his throat. grinning, you open your eyes, hazy with lust, meeting his own unfocused gaze, “doing so well, suguru. making me feel so good.”

geto likes praise. you can tell that much alone from his hefty list of accomplishments on his resume. he’s beaming with pride the first day your professor introduces him in class while explaining how capable he is at his young age. he does a good job of staying humble, but you never fail to notice the twinge of excitement in his eyes when he’s praised for his impressive work ethic. 

there’s no exception now either—his eyes search yours for every hint he can find that he’s doing a good job, that he’s doing well and giving you exactly what you want. you swear his cock twitches when you say the word good—and he seems to notice it too because there’s a shaky breath against your neck as he groans. 

“fuck,” he breathes, hands falling to your hips and gripping tightly, desperately, when your hand grabs his throbbing cock, still hard and leaking pre cum from the reddened tip. “want to feel you,” he groans, “please.”

it’s all it takes for you to sink down on him, forehead pressing to his as you both moan against each other’s mouths. he’s big—long and thick, curved at an angle that makes him sink against your sweet spot almost perfectly, almost like he was made for you. it’s a shame he’s your TA, a small part of you almost feels a twinge of disappointment he can’t fully be yours. 

“fuck, suguru,” you gasp, “so big, feels so good.”

he whines, helping lift your hips up and guide you down on his cock, your hips rolling against his, the sound of your moans and the slapping of skin filling up the small office. you’re sure anyone passing by could hear and figure out what’s going on—but it only thrills you more, making you slam down on him faster. 

“so tight,” he grunts, “g-god, so fucking tight, i can’t—” 

his hands are everywhere, they dig into your hips, glide up to cup your tits, and find the back of your neck to pull you close and meet your lips. he’s panting, sweat making strands of hair cling to his forehead as his skin flushes a deep shade of crimson. his hips buck up into you, meeting you halfway with desperate thrusts, trying to feel you deeper. 

your head is spinning—not just from the way his thick girth splits you open, or from the way his tip slams against your spot so perfectly, but from the way his touch seems to light your skin up with every drag of his fingertips. and then he brings one hand down between your bodies, rubbing his thumb against your clit in harsh circles. 

“are you gonna cum, suguru? cause i am,” you moan, “wanna be good and cum with me? fill me up nice and full?”

“sh-shit,” he lets out a shaky breath. he does want to fill you up—wants to cum deep into you so you’re dripping as you walk out of his office. so that when you sit in class and stare at him as he teaches class, you can’t help but think of the way he was buried to the hilt inside you just hours ago. “yeah…yeah, ‘m gonna cum. gonna fill you up, baby,” he groans, “stuff you full of my cum. want it?”

“wan’ it so bad, suguru,” you whine, “look so pretty when you cum, wanna see it again.” 

and with a few more rolls of your hips, the squelching sounds of his cock slipping in and out of you all but drowned out but your pants, you fall off the edge—geto not far behind. you can feel his cock twitch as he shoots rope after rope of his thick cum into you, angling his hips up to fuck it deep into your pussy. it’s a mess, your slick mixed with his seed dripping along your thighs and coating your skin, but you can’t find it in you to care. and you also can’t find it in you to care that you’ll have to leave after this and see him again as you sit through his class. and you certainly don’t have it in you to care that you could both get in serious trouble if anyone realized this was happening.

instead, you cup his cheeks with a gentleness that makes his breath hitch in his throat with a strangled whine, and you kiss him, hard and deep. 

“f-fuck, fuck—ngh, shit,” he gasps, against your mouth in labored pants. it’s never felt like this—cumming into his fist is one thing, but cumming into your tight walls, feeling them squeeze around him in sync with his high is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget. he thinks you’ve ruined touching himself for him, thinks he’ll never be able to go back to being fine with just his hand to keep him company when he’s aching between his legs.

after this, geto isn’t sure how he’s supposed to just forget this happened—or about you. his hands don’t stop guiding you onto his cock, hips not ceasing to fuck up into you until you’re both whimpering from sensitivity.

it’s too much—but somehow, it’ll never be enough.

you slump over him when he finally slows down to a stop, bodies a sweaty heap against each other on his chair as his arms wrap around you and his lips find your damp forehead for a soft kiss. you turn your head, pressing a kiss to his jaw in return.

“so,” you wriggle your brows, “can this count as extra credit?” you ask cheekily, feeling his chest rumble with a low chuckle as he pulls you tighter against his chest.

“sure. i’ll even give you enough extra credit opportunities to be top of the class,” he grins.

© hanmas do not plagiarize, repost, translate to other sites, or recommend on platforms outside tumblr such as tik tok

[sv5hive]

in every universe? | cl16

pairing(s): charles leclerc x fem!reader

content warning(s): use of y/n, pretending the university of monaco has an architecture course shhhh, inaccurate architecture course information bcos i am lazy, ma**ia bin**to mention IM SORRY

word count: 2,580

note: this is my longesttt fic yet and i had so much fun writing it!! i hope you like it just as much 🫶🏻

masterlist!

"so in summary, i want to see how you will finance your project while keeping your budget in mind, any issues you may come across and their solutions, the influence behind it, how it might impact the environment and the population as well as visual aids to guide the audience. these presentations are due next month and remember! it is your responsibility to arrange times to work on the presentation together. i won't be accepting any excuses whatsoever!"

you chewed on the end of your pen at your professor's reminder as you watched everyone filter out the doors from your seat right at the back.

group projects always meant you would have to do all the work yourself just to share equal credit with everyone else in the group who didn't even attempt to contribute. this project was unlikely to be any different. it didn't help that you hadn't yet managed to make any genuine friendships with your classmates. it was understandable though, considering the expected workload at such a renowned university like monaco.

"hi, are you y/n l/n?"

too deep in your own thoughts about the assignment, you didn't realise the room had emptied completely. you also didn't realise other people apart from your professor knew your name. moving your gaze up to the source of the sound, you found a man almost too good looking to be true.

"oh, uh, yeah. yes, i am. sorry, who are you?"

with each word that escaped your mouth, you felt your face heating up. you didn't mean to be rude but you truly had no idea who you were talking to. how had you never noticed this greek god of a man in your class until now?

"i'm charles leclerc. we're in a group together for the assignment and i thought it would be a good idea to get your number so we can talk set up a time to talk about our ideas."

he held out his unlocked phone to you, inviting you to type in your number. if he was offended by your failure to recognise him it certainly didn't show which helped calm your frazzled nerves.

"oh, of course! sorry, i'm not used to someone else taking responsibility in a group project. usually i'm stuck doing everyone's work on top of my own. here you go." you replied while saving your number into his contacts.

he smiled at your admission and reassured you he wouldn't dare leave you to handle the entire project alone.

"i already have everyone else's numbers so i'll make a groupchat too. when are you free?"

as much as you would like to lie and say you had a life outside of studying, you didn't. but you would gladly say yes to any get together if it meant charles would be there too.

"honestly, i'm always free so any time works for me." you explained while packing your bag and standing up from your seat.

he grinned and walked with you towards the exit and out the building.

"yeah? how about now? there's this café i've heard is really good and i've been meaning to try it, i just haven't had the time recently."

you stopped in your tracks.

was he asking you on a date? this was definitely new. obviously you had been in a few relationships before but they had never quite managed to get you flustered like this on the first meeting.

truth be told, he had gone to that café a million times over as it was the closest one to campus that served the best croissants for cheap but you didn't need to know that.

"are you asking me on a date?" you asked, not hesitating to get straight to the point.

his grin flickered for a split second, almost in surprise at your bluntness, before growing impossibly wider.

"uh, yeah, i'm asking you on a date right now. so? what do you say?"

"hmmm, and what do i get out of it if i say yes?"

you didn't think twice about taking him up on his offer but it was fun to watch him scramble for reasons you should have a coffee with him. you watched him come up with several nonsensical arguments before you decided to put him out of his misery.

"relax, i'll go on a date with you! you should've seen your face!"

he blushed at your antics before joining in your giggles at his own expense. he had a feeling your laughter would become his favourite sound.

"what are you waiting for then? lead the way."

unsurprisingly, you two were the only ones who took part in the group project but you couldn't complain when you had such good company to help you.

"this is charles leclerc, he will be your race engineer starting from next season." your team principal fred vasseur gently pushed you away from your teammate to the new hire fresh out of internship at haas.

after the quick decline of your 2022 season, ferrari had wasted no time in sacking binotto and your less than competent engineer for much more suitably equipped individuals.

"pleasure to meet you, charles. i'm y/n l/n. are you sure you're ready for this?" you outstretch your hand to shake his.

"thank you, it's a pleasure to meet you as well, you are an inspiration to so many. i'm extremely grateful to be given this opportunity to work with such a talented driver like yourself. and yes i'm one hundred percent ready to give my everything so you can bring home some wins and maybe even the championship." he spoke with a conviction almost as if he had been practicing it in the mirror for weeks.

his hand wrapped around yours and you couldn't help but notice how warm they were even in the frigid winter. you grinned at his confidence and faith in not only himself but also the team and you as a driver. it was certainly the energy you needed after the less than impressive season that you had just wrapped up.

"i like him already! so much more positive than my last engineer. where have you been all this time?" you declared patting him on the back while looking at your team principal in approval.

he was so sure you could notice the pink tinge on his cheeks as he nervously smiled at your praise and suddenly found the carpeted floor the most interesting thing in the room to observe.

"i'm glad you two are getting along! now let's get on with this meeting. i would like to get home at a reasonable time today."

as the meeting dragged on, you found yourself staring at charles opposite you out of nothing but pure curiosity and maybe a little bit of humour. it was clear he harboured some feelings towards you that he couldn't hide no matter how hard he tried. that much was evident in the way he refused to even glance in your direction at the risk of making eye contact.

"we don't quite know how the others will perform yet but we definitely expect to be more on pace with red bull next year. this season wasn't our best but it gives us a good foundation to improve on which is better than nothing. any questions?"

even if there were any questions left unanswered everyone was much too tired to articulate them and so the meeting room fell into silence before you all said your goodbyes to each other wishing everyone a restful winter break.

you were headed out the door when you heard your name being called. you turned to see charles jogging to catch up to you and so you decided to wait for him at the exit.

"you excited for the winter break?" you strike up a conversation with him as you dawdled towards the car park together.

"yes, but i'm more excited for the season to start. i've been preparing for this my whole life. what about you? surely you're tired of being in the car?" he questioned with genuine interest.

"no, not really. i mean i've been preparing for this my whole life too. the travelling is a lot to handle but there's nothing more i enjoy than being in the car. don't get me wrong, i do like being at home too. i just love racing so much i wish i could do it all the time."

"really? you don't ever get tired of racing?" he looked over at you in wonder and you smiled at his disbelief.

"really. ever since i was a kid i've always wanted to be racing constantly. what about you? i mean pretty much all of us drivers got into the sport through karting. what made you want to be a race engineer?"

"well actually i did get into karting too. my father took me and my brothers to a local track and it all started there. i liked karting but i was always more interested in the technical side. my younger brother arthur liked it a lot though and he decided to pursue a career. he's actually stepping up to formula 2 next year."

"yeah? he must be pretty good then." you didn't recognise his brother's name because you were too busy with your own preparation every race weekend to watch the support series but you took his word for it.

"yeah, i'm really glad he's made it this far. we didn't have much money for karting when he was just starting out but we managed to make it work."

you were all too familiar with the struggles of funding and putting together enough sponsors just to make it through the season. there were already very few people getting into motorsport and the high costs didn't help. you had seen too many young talents drop out because they just couldn't afford it anymore. you were one of the lucky ones to secure a place in the ferrari driver academy and have their money to fall back on.

realising you were getting closer and closer to your car, you slowed down in hopes you could keep talking to charles for longer.

"so, why ferrari? it's a team with lots of history but we haven't won a championship since 2008." you asked with no ill intentions.

you really were just interested seeing as the team was currently the laughing stock amongst the grid and the fans - which you didn't blame them for. they had thrown away several chances of a championship with some of the most talented drivers, purely due to their own inability to perform when it was needed most.

"that doesn't matter to me. i've supported ferrari since i was little so it wasn't even a question which team i wanted to join. i remember i used to always follow the red car when they raced at monaco even before i knew it was a ferrari. anyone who has the chance to be a part of ferrari, would take that chance, no? i've barely started here but there's something special about being a part of ferrari." he explained with a look in his eyes that you could only imagine was the same wonder that appeared when watching the red ferrari of kimi räikkönen speed around his home track.

"what about you? you're the one who actually drives for ferrari so what made you sign with them?"

you stopped upon reaching your car neatly tucked inside the white lines.

"ah, i would love to tell you but i do have to get home."

charles' smile fell before he agreed, making his own excuses about his neighbours complaining of his late night ruckus he caused. both of you were disappointed at the fact you couldn't just keep talking for hours but you had another idea up your sleeve.

"but i would be happy to have dinner with you tomorrow to continue this conversation if you're free? if you want to join me that is! you don't have to."

"no, no i want to! that would be great! here's my number. i'll pick you up at 7?"

his initial plans of acting casual around you had been thrown out the window and he was already wishing for time to go faster. you couldn't help but smile at his eagerness - it was a change from your usually soulless dates who treated you like arm candy.

"great! thank you, charles, really. i haven't been this optimistic about an upcoming season in a while but you've already made me excited for the future, even though we just met. i have a feeling we're going to enjoy a lot of victories together." you admitted honestly.

you hadn't been completely happy with any of your seasons with the scuderia so far, always hungry for more despite exceeding the expectations of many.

"thank you, that's the biggest compliment i could receive. i have no doubt we can bring the team many wins."

the 2023 season went on to be one of your best performances in a time where red bull dominance was ever growing. although the championship was not quite in your firm grasp just yet, you had come closer than ever with the help of new management and, more importantly, charles. this was simply the beginning for you two.

"hey charles?" you called out looking up from your phone screen to find him pulling on his race suit.

"yes, mon ange?" he replied turning to face you sitting on the tiny bed.

even though you two had been dating for years, him and his pet names never failed to fluster you.

"do you think we're soulmates in every universe?" you asked after seeing the tik tok trend appear on your phone.

you weren't really expecting a serious answer from charles. you knew it was a silly theory but you decided to entertain the thought. however it seemed that charles had a different idea.

"maybe, maybe not. i'd like to think we are but even if we're not, that doesn't matter. what matters is that we're together in this one, no? besides, even if we weren't destined to be together, i'd still find you and choose you in every universe." he voiced casually, placing a soft kiss on your forehead while looking around the room for his racing boots.

his confessions of undying love to you had become a daily occurrence and it was always certain his words would make your heart melt.

"you've seen the trend, haven't you?" you questioned him. there was no way he had just come up with that answer on the spot.

"what trend? mon amour, you know i am not on social media as much as you are."

"the tik tok trend! are you sure you haven't seen it?"

"yes, i am very sure, mon ange. come on, i don't need to see a tik tok to tell you that i will always choose you."

you didn't fully believe him but you also knew that he was a terrible liar, his facial expressions giving him away no matter what with each attempt made.

"come here. one last good luck kiss for me?" he asked with a pleading look you could never deny and pulled you from the bed by your arms.

"of course, my love. i want you back safe in one piece, ok?" you held his face in your hands and placed a delicate kiss on his forehead, nose, each cheek and finally, his lips.

"anything for you."

[chososdiscordkitten]

Obsessive!Choso♡ pt 11

pt 10 here

Content: direct cont of last chap, reader wears heels, implied reader has boobies O-O, soooo much hand holding it should be considered lewd, 2 pics to help see what I picture (underlined text), date hehe, reader wouldn't mind if Choso kidnapped them 0-0, they play battle ship, jokingly implied Choso is an escort(?), reader is kinda mean, reassurance, idk just my usual bs??? just reader nd Choso being cute man what else can I say. Word Count: 11.9k (wtf, im sorry)

(a.n) this was so long, I know, pls excuse any mistakes- I underestimated how hard it was to edit something longer than 5k words. ALSO???? take this as a celebration of me hitting 1k followers!! yayyy

Taglist: @eristi @sunaumi @ex-ria @just-pure-trash @kha-0s @iluvreinah @iamboredowo @integers @waytootiredforthisss @1arminsimp @hannas16 @chosowhore @tojicvmslut @ofalcaodacolinablue @thesharkcollector @mochipip @hotvillianapologist @ziklope @saeline @morinuu @b3llair3 @24hrnanami

⋆ ˚｡ ⋆୨♡୧ ⋆ ˚｡ ⋆

After you left his apartment, Choso’s mind blared with the possibility of you being kidnapped- only to find solace in the small red dot blinking on his phone. Cautious eyes watching as he expected it to move- but no. It stayed still at a restaurant right outside of campus. Choso wanted to desperately leave behind those incessant urges to follow you- to make sure you were safe. 

Knowing that his day of reckoning would come. Choso knew that if he kept following you- the day would come when you’d see him. And he wanted to trust you now that things were starting to advance. 

There was nothing he wanted more than to trust you, to trust that you could take care of yourself- 

But everytime he’d try to ignore the blaring ‘warning’ signs in his mind. He’d remember every time he watched you walk home without caution, every horror story he read of people getting kidnapped and trafficked- and on the occasions where Choso couldn't shake off the invading thoughts, your voice would haunt his mind.

Overwhelming his brain as he tried to focus on what you were saying- your whispering voice making his brain pound in his skull as he watched that blinking dot.

Choso had to call you- if he couldn't run out of his apartment and find you- the least he could do was call you. Feeling like one of your clingy ‘friends’ as the phone rang, his pointer finger picking at the side of his thumb as he closed his eyes. All but praying for you to answer, opening his eyes as he heard the receiver being picked up, 

“I was just thinking about you-” he spoke, hearing your angelic laugh ring through his ears. ‘I left like 20 minutes ago.’ you teased, “I know-” he mumbled “What're you doing?” he continued, not in the mood to dance around what he wanted to hear, ‘uh- I'm at..lunch with a friend.’ you hesitated. –

‘What're you doing, Choso?’ you asked, confused as to where this was going. Choso let out a half laugh from his chest. “M’sitting in the dark thinking about you.” he professed, pressing his hand to his forehead and hearing you laugh at the serious tone he took. ‘Sounds healthy.’ you joked back with a playful tone, closing his eyes and thinking. Your tone was kind- speaking sweetly as you normally did. But. You hesitated.

The same way you hesitate whenever you refer to him as your friend. 

“M’sorry. I just wanted to hear your voice.” he sniffled, “Tell your friend I say hi.” hearing your smile when you replied a quick ‘Okay.’ at his request. 

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The conversation of the date was a rough one. Sitting in his apartment as you played chess. The timing was horrible- sure. The econd week of February left an unavoidable holiday sitting in front of you. “We can wait...till after if you want.” he offered a solution as he moved a pawn. 

“It's not so much the day for me.” you admitted, scanning the wooden chest pieces on your side of the checkerboard. “If you want- we can wait till after.” rephrasing his words as you watched his eyebrows furrow, “S’the same for me.” mentally chanting ‘pleasepleasepleaseplease’ as you pondered. 

And with those words- the date was set for Valentines day. Which made Choso believe there really was a god from how well this turned out. And you're thinking of moving out from that house full of idiots- and into the small apartment complex as his neighbor.

For the first time in Choso’s life he felt like life dealt him a good hand.

When it came to actually thinking about what to do- he didn't want to ask you. Knowing you were indecisive on what you were eating for lunch that day- so he didn't want to plague you with planning a date he owed you. Checking his bank account and barely seeing enough for a stack of pancakes in the town diner. 

Choso contemplated it. He thought about it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons in his mind before going into his closet and reaching into a pair of boots that were 3 sizes too small for him. Finding the thinning wad of cash he was looking for. The so-called ‘rainy day fund’ thinned every time he ran out of money for the month.

But this was worth it, you, were worth it. So he pulled the rubber band from the roll of cash, slowly counting the bills in his hands to be sure he didn't miss count. 

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The next time you saw Choso you asked him what his plan was- “Just be ready by 7.” he smiled to himself, already picturing you on that day. 

Furrowing your eyebrows before speaking, “Well-” you scoffed “what are we doing?”

“It's a surprise.” he grinned, looking down at the stupid game you called ‘Candy Land’ 

You sighed dramatically, “Choso, I hate surprises.” as you stared at the little pieces of plastic on the colorful board. “Atleast tell me what to wear.” you insisted, seeing his lips flash a pearly smile to you. 

“Wear whatever you want- I’m sure you’ll look great.” he scoffed, holding the little piece of plastic between his fingers, making it hop as he counted the squares. 

“Well if you're taking me to a nice restaurant and I'm wearing a t-shirt nd jeans- not gonna be very fun. Or if you're taking me to a horse race-” Choso laughed at your assumptions, “And I open the door in a dress and heels? Then what?” you threw the possibilities at him as he smiled at your nervousness. 

“It's a first date- I wanna make a good impression.” You mused, earning a half laugh from his chest. “C’mon-” you batted your eyelashes at him, trying to convince him to tell you what he was planning.

Nodding his head at your coercion that was working better than you thought, “You're terrible.” he whispered, making your pouting grin turn into a toothy smile. “Wear something nice-” he avoided your eyes, moving the character on the squares again as you listened carefully, “Bring a coat- weather app says it's gonna be cold.” He instructed.

“Do I eat beforehand?” you grinned, seeing his jaw clench at your question, “Hmm- No.” you smiled at how a few pleads convinced him to tell you. 

“How nice should I dress then?” pressing the issue with a winning smile on your face as you moved your plastic character, pleased at how easily he was to convince. “Atleast tell me that.” Choso looked at you and pondered the question, before nodding his head ‘no’. Knowing he's already said too much. 

You pouted playfully at his denial, “Just a hint- just oneee.” seeing his eyes look over your face, “I’ll even settle for one word.” he thought of a word to use, staring at you as he skimmed through words in his mind. 

“Wear something- striking.” he squinted as he settled on the word.

With raised eyebrows you started, “Striking huh?” in a teasing tone the choice of word he used, “Must be some first date to wear something striking.” your borderline bullying caused Choso to regret his choice of telling you anything. 

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On the 13th of february, just one day before your date- Choso facetimed his baby brother Yuuji, knowing out of all 9, he was probably the best one to call about this delicate topic. 

“What about this?” he holding a black knit sweater to his chest while looking at the screen, Yuuji let out a snicker- ‘If you like it-’ his tone was snide- almost mockingly as Choso tossed the knit onto his bed, staring at the pile of clothing that he had gone through. 

Showing him a band t-shirt from one of his drawers and hearing Yuuji let out a small laugh before he tossed the t-shirt on his already messy bed. “You're no help.” 

‘M’not here to helppp-’ Yuuji droned on, “That's precisely why I called you, Yuuji.” Choso retorted in a stern tone, not enjoying the game his brother was trying to play, slipping on a black dress shirt and doing up the tiny buttons.

‘Didn't you wear that to your graduation?’ he heard from the phone with a half laugh forming in his brother's words. “Can you tell?” straightening his back and seeing the fabric flex against his chest and shoulders, ‘Looks a lil tight buddy.’ Yuuji held back a laugh, being able to see the buttons strain and form small openings down his chest.

With an exasperated sigh he looked back to the mess on his bed, “I don't know what to wear.”

‘The dark navy button down you wore to parent teacher conferences and black slacks.’ Yuuji spat quickly, ‘Hey when am I gonna meet this person?’ Smiling as he changed the topic, “When you stop being so nosy.” Choso muttered, looting through his closet and finding the button up Yuuji was talking about. 

Unbuttoning the taut buttons and slipping off the small shirt. Tossing it onto the pile of discarded options before slipping on the better fitting dress shirt, doing up the small buttons and looking in the mirror, ‘I'm not nosy-’ Yuuji laughed, ‘Excuse me for trying to find out who’s involved in my big brothers life-’ enunciating the words. Attempting to make Choso feel bad for scolding him. 

“If you ever come out here- I'll introduce them to you.” he looked at the top two buttons that were undone, trying to decide whether or not to do them.

‘I'm on the next flight out.’ Yuuji quipped, making Choso scoff.

 “No Yuuji. Go to school.” Choso demanded, knowing he was skipping more than a handful of classes. ‘One day I’ll fly out there and you won't be able to say no to me till I’m standin’ at your door.’ Yuuji threatened, Choso offered only a sarcastic ‘haha’ in response.

‘How you got a date before I got a girlfriend is still insane to me.’  he pressed, “Why’s that Yuuji?” rolling up the sleeves of the dress shirt as he looked in the mirror. 

Yuuji laughed- knowing just what to do to annoy his older brother, ‘Cause you're so… weird.’ Yuuji struggled to say the words through a bully-like smile, “For your information- brother of the year,” Choso snapped playfully, which surprised Yuuji since Choso was never the type to banter- not because he didn't want to. But his quips would always come out in stutters, never being able to come up with smart replies fast enough. 

Choso smiled as he recalled your slurred words,“They like that I'm ‘strange’.” Yuuji chirped from the phone, ‘They tell you that?’ with a sarcastic tone. 

Looking at Yuuji with a cocky smile, “They did.” earning for his baby brother to raise his eyebrows in feigned shock, ‘The world is so backwards.’ he scoffed before asking more questions about you. 

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Choso wanted to make tonight special, he wanted to make this the last first date you ever went on. 

So as he looked at himself in the mirror, putting on his many rings and muttering words of encouragement to himself, hands shaking as he rolled up the sleeves of his dark navy blue dress shirt. Trying not to nitpick any detail that he didn't like about the reflection staring back at him- whispering that even if he was ‘strange and off putting’ you still liked him. 

Side eyeing the clear bowl shaped vase that held three white lilies, Choso felt nerves eating away at him as his eyes flashed down to his phone that lit up with a message from you. 

‘lmk when ur outside :)’ your message read. If only you knew Choso’s stomach was in knots. A specific kind of anxiety he had never felt before, it almost felt like how your stomach churned while in line for a scary rollercoaster for the first time. 

He quickly typed, ‘im omw now’ with trembling thumbs.

So as he put on the torn up carhartt jacket he relied on whenever it was cold, he straightened his back as he held the clear vase in his hand- Choso hesitated to turn the doorknob of his apartment. Thinking on if this was a good idea- a million doubts racing in his mind. 

But he only needed one thought to pull him from his doubts. All he needed was to remember you to open the door. 

The walk across the lively campus full of people carrying bouquets of red roses and overcompensating stuffed animals made him think that maybe the three lilies were not enough- Till the realization that he was actually taking you out on Valentine's day hit, which only made him even more nervous, the pondering thoughts of ‘am I making a fool of myself?’ making him overheat in the heavy jacket. Choso must've taken it off and put it back on 2 or 3 times before he reached your neighborhood. 

Standing on your rundown porch, thinking about ringing the doorbell. Those doubts daring to creep back into his mind, but his hesitant finger pressed the button anyway. Holding the bowl in both hands as he heard muffled shouts through the heavy wood door. He watched the brass handle turn before the door cracked open- his eyes being granted the honor of seeing you. 

‘Breathtaking’ was the word his mind formulated once he felt air fill his lungs again. 

Choso swore that every single time he looked at you, it felt like the first time. But this time- this, took the cake. This would be the mental image he’d remember every time he thought of you. The nerves and unease he felt in his chest melted away when he saw the warmth of your smile.

His eyes blinked quickly- almost in disbelief as he looked at you, so love drunk it hurt his chest a little. 

And you, bent to the side and fiddling with the tiny buckle of your heel. To Choso it felt like you came straight out of his teenage dreams as you looked at him.

Smiling as you uttered the word that was stuck in his throat, with a hurried smile you spoke, “Heyy-” before placing your foot back onto the ground as you stepped back with a quiet gasp, looking at the bowl in his hands. “Come in!” you urged sweetly, seeing his eyes scan your frame, darting to your living room that was full of your gawking roommates and their friends. ‘An anti-valentines day movie night’ you called it.

“Thought I told you to tell me you were outside-” you grinned, standing at the entryway of the house. ‘God, you are haunting.’ You looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to reply. Unknowing your roommates were ignoring the movie on the living room tv. Furrowing your eyebrows as you looked at the round vase in his hands.

“T-these are for you.” He muttered, his heart racing at an abominable speed by seeing you grin kindly before your smile fell.

It turned into a grimace, “I have something for you too-” looking back up at the stairs you practically fell down when the doorbell rang. Turning back around to face him. Taking the bowl from his extended hands with a prolonged touch, “They're lovely. Thank you.” you smiled, “Stay right here- I'll be right back.” You hushed, turning around and dashing up the stairs. 

Choso stood at the doorway, almost mournful knowing the sight of you that greeted him would only exist in his memory now. Fiddling with his rings as he felt the people's eyes burn through him. Unintelligible whispers from the prying gazes. Gulping as he heard your bedroom door slam shut, urging footsteps on the ground as you hurried down the stairs. Both hands held behind your back as you hid his present. 

A silly smile on your lips as you looked at him, the thin heel of your shoes clacking on the tile as you stood before him, reaching your arm around as you a box with a small bow on top. Raising his eyebrows and looking at the box holding a pair of white glass plates inside. “Plates?” he smiled defeated at the present as you tried to suppress a small laugh. 

Your shoulders moved in a silent laugh as you watched his eyes flash back up to you, “Yes. Plates.” seeing him exhale through his nose, amused at what a coincidence it was that you bought him them.

“Thank you.” He mumbled softly, already being able to picture using them.

Choso held the box in one hand, looking at you with adoring eyes, you cleared your throat, “Striking enough?” you sneered proudfully. He practically choked on air at your question. 

He took a second to look at you, trying to find the correct thing to say, “You look beautiful.” he breathed softly, words that came straight from his heart. Mentally he was shouting any word he thought of when he looked at you. Words that are not to be said on a ‘first date’, confessions of yearning love and descriptive words of how he felt about you. 

‘Captivating.’ Choso thought as he admired your features that were accentuated by the warm lighting, almost casting a glow on your skin.

You felt the warmth in your cheeks trail to the tip of your nose at the compliment. ‘Thank y-’ you mouthed silently, being interrupted by a loud over exaggerated cough coming from the living room. 

Squinting your eyes as you turned around to face the source, “When did you say you'd be home?” one of your roommates spouted from the couch.

“I didn't.” You spoke with a raised tone laced with irritation, scoffing before walking into the living room. Focused on your coat that was draped on the edge of the couch.

Their eyes looked up at you as though you owed them something, “Where's he taking you?” desperate to keep you home.

You raised your eyebrows before you spoke, “No idea.”, reaching your hands into the pockets of your coat to be sure you had what you needed. 

Picking it up from the couch before turning around and speed walking back to Choso, looking at him with an urgent look on your face. “Let's go.” you whispered as you reached for the doorknob, “It's not safe to go to an undisclosed location with a stranger-!” your roommate shouted as you stepped through the doorway. Sighing as you pulled the door behind you. 

“Sorry about that.” you breathed, inhaling the cold air as you scanned the cloudy overcast with squinted eyes and creased eyebrows.

Choso inhaled sharply before he spoke, “Was that-”

“Yes, that was my den mother.” with a scoff, Choso parted his lips in a silent wince as you slipped your coat onto your exposed shoulders. Reaching a hand down and raising your ankle halfway to tweak with the strap of your heel again.

“Lead the way.” you smiled as Choso took a step forward onto the rickety stairs. 

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“Can you tell me where you're taking me now?” You sounded almost defeated as you walked side by side on the pavement. Choso made sure that he was on the open side of the sidewalk, walking between you and the potential risk.

Quiet streets derived from people made the walk peaceful, the sunless sky causing everything to look pale blue- almost as though you stepped through a blue tinted filter.

The weather was fresh- cold enough for a coat but not freezing the way it was a few days ago. A small breeze would have made you regret your choice in what you wore- your calves and ankles exposed to the frigid air.

Looking over at him as he held the boxed plates, with a smug grin on his lips, “We have to go pick something up first.” you hummed at Choso’s denial as his rundown oxford-esque shoes stomped on the ground.

Seeing an opportunity to wear down that smugness, you looked at him with an unashamed smile. “You look beautiful too, Choso.” circling back to his compliment that was interrupted by your roommate. He looked over to you- not shocked but surprised at your choice of words, despite the gloomy weather- you looked warm in his eyes. As though the sun was shining and it was the middle of summer.

He sighed as he felt your shoulder brush against his, “I don't think I’ve ever been called that.” he admitted honestly with a flustered smile. 

You laughed, “I can call you something else-” with an enthusiastic grin, looking up into the sky as you thought of the words to use, “How about- scenic. Or uh, captivating-” watching the blush on his cheeks trail onto his exposed ear.

Choso’s teeth stuttered as he heard you- trying to silence the sudden compliment, “My name is fine.” He insisted with a nervous laugh, trying his best to ignore your gaze.

You raised your eyebrows, “Are you sure? I can keep going-”

“Ju-” he breathed, “Just Choso is fine.” he implored, his heart racing at an unimaginable speed.

You were pleased with his stutter, “Okay. ‘Just Choso’, where are you taking me?” grazing the back of your palm against his as you walked, his eyes on the ground watching the lines on the pavement come and go.

Choso sighed, “I already told you- We. Are going. To pick. Something up.” He paused between the words as though that was an answer, flinching when you bumped your knuckles into his as you strolled beside him.

“Don't take that tone with me, mister.” you teased playfully, holding your knuckles against his as you saw him perk a smile. 

“Sorry-” he grinned as he looked over at you sweetly, “We’re gonna go pick something up.” he corrected himself, smiling at the sugared words, not moving his hand from yours- if anything pressing it closer. 

With a sigh you took the initiative and interlocked your fingers with his, your cool hand icing his warm palm, “If you're gonna kidnap me- let me know. Promise I won't fight back or anything.” you joked, making Choso shiver at your accusation. 

With a grimace he hesitated the words he was about to say, “That is a terrible and equally horrifying thing to say,” he spoke your name in a reprimanding tone.

“I mean in the way that life sucks right now, and you're a pretty cool person. And you're nice, and tolerate me.” squinting your eyes at the sudden frost-like breeze puff against your bare shins.

Your circling hum on the side of his pointer finger made this conversation suddenly very difficult for him to focus on. “Just don't put me in a glass cage. That's all I ask.” You continued the unsettling topic as you squeezed his hand. 

Choso laughed at the reference, “You see,” being able to conjure the words in his mind. “I had reason to worry about you getting kidnapped.” he murmured, mentally damning you for putting that thought into his head again. 

“That's different though.” you hummed, tilting your head towards him. “Of course if it was a stranger I’d fight tooth and nail-” a playful grin on your lips, watching his eyebrows slowly pull upwards. “But, if it was you?” you continued, feeling his palm subtly start to clam against yours.  

Choso looked over at you- waiting for you to finish what you were saying. The troubled expression on his face made you smile at how easy it was to fluster him. 

Shaking away the words in your mind, the sky dimming as you clutched onto his hand, you let out a ‘tsk’ at the thought, “Now that would be something quite forward to say.” you grinned playfully.

‘Your smile hides your mischievousness a little too well- I think you're just being cruel at this point.’ he thought as he looked at your profile. A proud smile adorning your lips. 

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“A parking garage?” you asked, twitching your ankle as you watched Choso input a security code into the metal receiver.

Choso sucked his teeth with a smile, “Did you expect us to walk for the entire night?” looking down to your shoe that was clearly bothering you. 

“You have a car?” you asked as you watched the metal gate creak open. 

He winced, “Technically no-” hand in hand as he led you through the barrier of the two story garage. Walking up the sloped concrete as you looked at the dusty cars. 

“I didn't even know this place existed.” You muttered, eyeing the gray walls illuminated by old yellow lights. Swinging your connected hands softly as Choso laid eyes upon the black car cover he hoped was waiting for him. 

“Let's hope it still runs.” he joked as you let go of his hand. 

“Hold these for me won't you?” he whispered, handing you the cardboard box as you tapped your heeled foot on the ground, causing Choso to look down at your ankle once more.

Placing his hands on the front end of the cover, yanking it off as you laid eyes on the two seater maroon colored classic. Almost perfectly polished as you raised your eyebrows in shock, his hands balling up the black car cover and placing it on the hood haphazardly.

He inhaled almost painfully, “It was my father’s-” as he inserted the key into the driver's side and turned it, unlocking the doors before walking to the passenger side and opening the door with a hand held out to you.

Taking the boxed plates from your hands and placing them on the roof of the car, holding your hand as you eased into the vehicle.

Connected matte black seats meeting your eyes as you eased into the seat. Silent as he nervously tried explaining why he had the car, “H-he left it behind- and I didn’t wanna leave it to be sold.” He smiled, looking down at you as he held the frame of the door. 

“So you brought it with you?” You hummed, fiddling with your hands on your lap and looking at the interior.

“I stole it- yes.” he admitted without shame, leaning on the frame of the opened door.

Pulling off his jacket as your hands reached out to take it from him, a small ‘Thank you’ fell from his lips as you held it in your lap. His lips parted in a grin, looking at your expression as you pinched your eyebrows together. Reaching your hand down to the bothersome buckle that squeezed your ankle a little too tightly. 

Your fingers struggled to fix the issue as he watched you. Flashing your eyes up at him with an awkward giggle before you spoke, “When you rang the doorbell I accidentally pulled the-” You sighed, trying to pull the black strap from the bothersome buckle, “-the strap too tight.”

Choso smiled before mouthing an understanding ‘oh’ 

“May I?” he asked, frustration starting to seep from you and into him by just watching your aimless attempts. You eyed him, lowering himself to his knee, the other propped up as you turned your body to face him. 

Suddenly all too aware of the veins on the tops of his hands, the light arm hair on his outer forearms that were exposed from his rolled up sleeves. 

His calloused hand held open awaiting you to lift your dangling foot to his palm. Without a word, you lifted your ankle. Choso delicately placed his hand onto the back of your calf, your cold skin warming in his palm as he guided the back of the heel to rest atop his bent knee. Trailing his fingertips mindlessly on your skin as he gently unbuckled the silver rivet of the shoe. 

Feeling the instant relief as he slid the buckle into a neighboring notch. A warm blush forming on your cheeks as you watch his painted hands trail gentle touches on your skin.

“There?” he mumbled, looking up at you as his thumb settled on the protruding bone of your ankle. Only offering a blushed ‘Mhm’ from your dry throat as he laced the rest of the tiny strap beneath the metal. Your hand was clutched on the edge of the seat- if your grip tightened any more you’d scratch the pristine leather.

Choso gently placed his palm back onto your calf, easing your leg back down gently before he stood up again. “Now for the moment of truth.” he winced, taking a step back and leaving you with your feet on the ground.

You inhaled sharply as his hand rested on the door again, waiting for you to sit correctly. You turned your body back to face the windshield, he closed the door for you- reaching his hand on the roof of the car for the plates before walking to the drivers side.

With how easy it was to fluster him or make him nervous, you were unsure why out of the two of you- you were the one who was on the verge of hyperventilating from the innocent act of kindness. In your mind an obstacle presented itself; how you were expected to keep your composure for the rest of the evening. 

Your hand dared to tremble as you placed his heavy jacket on the center of the benched seat. Some kind of desperate attempt at a wall to keep you from acting on your self-indulgent thoughts. 

Hearing a small thud as he placed the plates on the roof again. The driver's door opened smoothly, Choso eased into the seat as he placed his hand on the wheel with the keys in hand, leaving his door open with one foot on the ground.

Choso cleared his throat as he turned the ignition, raising his eyebrows in hopes the car would turn on. A wave of relief washed over him when he heard the loud roar come from the muffler. Quiet music playing from the staticky radio breaking the silence.

He stepped out of the car once more, walking to the hood to grab the car cover he carelessly folded. Your eyes followed him as he slid the pair of plates from the roof and walked to the back of the car, your shoulders tense while trying to breathe. 

Flinching when you heard the trunk pound shut, clearing your throat when you saw him walk back to the opened door. 

He settled into the driver's seat once more, mindlessly picking up your attempt at a wall and placing his jacket onto the ledge of the rearview window, leaving nothing but air to keep you separate from him. 

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The drive was silent, the quiet radio music easing the tension in the air only you felt. Hands in your lap as you fiddled with your thumbs, Choso was unaware of your tense shoulders till he stopped at a red light. 

Looking over at you- your head locked forward and sitting very, very far away. The look on your face though, furrowed eyebrows and unblinking eyes, lips pressed tightly together as though you were in deep thought- that's what made him realize something was wrong. 

Replaying the last 10 minutes- not recalling a single snide comment or any attempts at flirting since he started driving.

He murmured your name- trying to pull you out of the thoughts that were whirling in your mind at that moment. Blinking your eyes and turning your head slightly, looking at Choso’s face that was illuminated by the red light. “Something wrong?”

You nodded your head ‘no’ intertwining your hands harshly together. Choso looked down to your latched hands, then back up to you with a perked brow- He didn't need to speak, you knew what he was asking with the look on his face. 

You inhaled, trying to find something clever to say- “M’trying to keep my hands to myself.” you murmured, looking out of the window, gathering he was driving into the neighboring city as your knees pointed to the door along with your head.

‘...hands to yourself..?’ Choso mentally repeated your words, not knowing why you had to try to, when you were never shy about it before.

Air caught in your throat at the realization you said that louder than you were expecting, “In a- a non creepy way.” you reiterated, scrunching your eyes together at the stutter in your words. 

Mentally you were cursing the stupid old traffic light that refused to turn green, even with the lack of cars around- it still beamed red. “Did I do something?” he asked, worried he offended you in some way. 

You sighed, “Yes-”, refusing to look at him, “Yes, you did something.” you muttered as you looked into the glass, staring at him through the reflection. 

“I’m sorry- I didn't mean to-” he started apologizing unknowing what he did- but it still felt like he had to. 

You let out a laugh that rang through his ears in the sound of a hymn, “You don't even know what you did.” corners of your lips twitching upwards, turning your knees over to him as he looked forward at the now green light- accelerating slowly as you scanned his side profile. 

“Must've been something worth an apology if you- of all people are keeping your hands to yourself.” he joked slyly. Only he meant to think those words- not actually say them to you.

You squinted your eyes at his banter, “Oh haha-” you grinned sarcastically, planting your hand onto the seat, “I'll make sure to keep ‘em to myself from now on if you feel that way.” You played, feeling your confidence soak back into your words. 

Choso turned his head slightly over to you, low eyes knowing you wouldn't be able to keep that declaration, dropping his hand from the bottom of the wheel as the other held onto the side of it, placing it on the black leather to tempt you. Suddenly the distance you set between you too was too evident- too far, his eyes were forward- watching the road. 

You gulped, scanning the top of his veiny hand, slowly you shifted closer to him.

Now close enough that he could sense you, “Choso?” you whispered, earning for a small hum to leave his throat, a childish smile on your lips “Can I hold your hand?” you spoke in a whisper- Choso furrowed his eyebrows at the question.

A gentle grin on his lips, “You don't need to ask me.” he whispered back, looking forward as he heard alarms and bells ring in his head from excitement. 

So as you scooched closer to Choso, he held his hand out for you. His heart couldn't help but beat at an alarming pace, so close your thigh was pressed against his. Your knees pointed in his direction as he felt his palm threaten to sweat. 

You slumped the tiniest bit into the matte seat, looking up at him as you gently took his hand into yours, interlocking your fingers with his as your other hand caged the back of his palm. 

Both of your hands overwhelmed his tender one, smiling as you leaned the side of your head onto his bicep. Resting your joined hands on the seam where his thigh ended and yours began.

“I've always liked your hands.” you mumbled, caressing your thumbs on his skin as he drove- he was grateful the sky was darkening. Cause he was so sure the blush he was sporting on his cheeks was starting to roam down his chest.

Choso’s breathing hitched- catching in his throat, “My h-hands?” feeling his heart pound in his chest. And for the foot that wasn't on the gas to start bouncing nervously. 

You giggled, “Yeah, your hands.” you hummed, unaware of the state you were pushing him to. “They're so pretty.” you complimented him with a tone only heard in his frantic dreams.

And as you scanned his jeweled hand engulfed by your own- the veins that trailed up his forearm beneath his pale skin proudly, you smiled as you pressed your thumb down onto a blood filled ridge on the top of his hand. Stopping the blood flow from the prominent vein. 

His mind was whirring in his skull- had you said anything else he would've had to pull over to catch his breath. 

But you didn't, no you only traced mindless doodles on his skin softly. ‘This has to be some kind of attempt on my life.’ his brain managed as the scent of your perfume infiltrated his nose.

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Though he was eternally grateful to be so- (some would say too close) to you, he felt his lungs able to breathe with a set pace once he found a parking spot in front of the building he was looking for. Streets full of couples as the moon started arising. Choso exhaled expectantly, switching the ignition off and feeling your grasp on his hand loosen.

“We’re here.” he practically choked out. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked onto the street, watching the people walking past the lit up glass doors. 

“What's here?” you grinned, straightening your back and looking at Choso, you were so very close to his face. The light on the roof of the car made it very obvious that he was blushing.

“A uh-” he inhaled the air between you, “A museum.” his shoulders were tense, looking from your eyes to the curve of your nose- darting back and forth from the cupid's bow of your lips back up to your eyes. You smiled hearing his hesitant tone- relishing the sight of pure nerves flooding in his pupils from how close you were. 

With an amused smile you snorted softly, “Ouu you want to kiss me sooo bad- I can see it-” you teased, earning for Choso to look away from you in embarrassment. 

And as you pulled your hands from his, he opened his door, mumbling small curses, racing to the passenger side- reminding himself that he needs to be polite and well-mannered.  

As he pulled your door open he held a hand out to you, giving you a brace to step out from the old car. 

The sight of your hand in his as you stepped from the car elegantly made one thing click in his mind. Choso felt in his heart that he would be more than happy- elated even, to do this with you every weekend till you were both old and wrinkly. 

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Hand in hand as you walked past the white walls. Stopping at any piece of art that caught your attention. 

Your eyebrows pulled tight as you looked at a piece painted black with glimmers of red. Choso’s eyes were on your profile as you examined the art, “What do you see?” he mumbled, looking back to the large canvas. Unable to understand how you could see meaning in a few colors. 

You sighed, tilting your head and staring at the streaks “It seems sad.” you whispered as he furrowed his eyebrows. “Like the person who painted this was distressed.” 

Choso didn't see what you saw- he saw a lazy attempt at modern art- “You can see it in the brush strokes-” you leaned over to him as you pointed to the seemingly violent brush strokes. He tried to see what you saw, “In the way they decided to use a little bit of red.” You continued, looking over to his lost expression.

When you walked into the room of sculptures you stared at an old wooden chair placed on a small platform with a harsh spotlight on it, “Performer.” you read the words on the silver plate at the bottom, “What do you see Choso?” you repeated his question as he stared at the chair.

He squinted his eyes before speaking, “I think it's a chair-”, feeling your elbow shove him gently. He sighed, “Well, the chair is old, and the spotlight is on it almost in a mocking way.” Choso expressed his depiction of the piece. “And the title signifies that the chair is a piece to be gawked at.” he muttered as you smiled at his intune thoughts.

He huffed, almost feeling like he said too much. “You?” he broke your silence as he looked back at you.

“I think it's just a chair.” you mocked with a perked smile. 

On the other end of the room there was a wired sculpture, if you looked in the right angle you'd be able to see the projected image within the silver wires.

You were tilting your head trying to make out the image, “I think it's a face?” you whispered as Choso furrowed his eyebrows, “Or two?” you squinted your eyes as you finally saw the image with a gratified exhale. 

Choso huffed- frustrated from how tedious this was. “How are you seeing anything?” he asked frustrated as his neck started to strain from how long he was tilting it. 

You dropped his hand- taking a step behind him and placing your hands on his shoulders, “Here.” you hummed, moving him to where you previously stood. “Lean down a little-” you whispered, you weren't able to see it- but his eyes were wide and his cheeks were tingling from your guidance. 

And as he lowered himself, you placed your hands onto the side of his head- angling it softly to this side as he allowed you to. You stood behind him- close enough for him to be able to feel your breath wisp on his nape. “Can you see it?” you whispered- Choso felt goosebumps form on his arms at your soft tone. 

You slid your hands from the side of his head- seeing him stay in place as he looked at the sculpture. “Can you?” you whispered as he raised himself back to stand up straight. 

He looked at you with a horrified look on his face, “Yeah I can.” he muttered before you took his hand in yours again. 

And when you found the room he specifically chose this museum for- he lit up with a smile.

“Art history-” you read the plaque on the wall.

Choso led you into the dimly lit room, “Finally some real art.” he muttered before turning the corner. Standing before the grand in size portraits- he looked at them in silence. Only you didn't find the same fascination in the old paintings as he did- you found the excitement that gleamed in his eyes more interesting than the dusty art works.

With every piece he knew, he'd tell you the tragedy behind them, star crossed lovers and small comments of the trageties- “Why are you looking at me like that?” he paused his previous sentence, looking at you worried that he was talking too much. 

You offered a timid smile, circling your thumb on his skin lovingly. Reaching a pinkie up to his temple and brushing away a loose strand from his temple, “I can't look at you now?” you murmured playfully, his eyes glimmered with shock at the sudden contact against his face. 

Choso diverted his eyes from your gaze, looking down to his shoes before mumbling, “You can't look at me like- that.” he felt his heart pound in his chest recalling the expression on your face with closed eyes. 

You giggled at his words, “Why not?” you pressed, being able to feel his hand tighten its grip on yours. 

He sighed, looking back up to your seemingly intoxicated face. Choso parted his lips, daring to say the first words that came to his mind. You raised your eyebrows and gripped his hand to urge him to give you a reason. “Cause I don't know what it means.” he retorted quietly.

You scoffed, an amused smile on your lips as you nodded your head. Not knowing how he could be so insightful in some ways and completely blind when it came to this. 

Your eyes scanned his features, “How many times do I have to tell you before you get it?” you quipped, seeing his eyes pool with confusion at your question. 

“I like you so much, Cho.” you whispered, seeing his eyebrows furrow harshly at the shortened version of his name. “I stare at you because I like you.” You assured, “I laugh at everything you say because I like you.”, watching his eyes blink down in timidness. In his mind, actually processing your words took a lot of effort. 

“Can I be honest?” you whispered, seeing his lips mouth an ‘okay.’ to your question. “I don’t think I've ever liked someone in the way I like you.” Choso exhaled at your words- mumbling a ‘stop’ as you smiled.

You exhaled, “I'm being serious. You're just-” you started, only for Choso to raise your hand and place it flat onto his chest. His eyes trembled as he looked at you with a stern but pained expression. You raised your eyebrows at how fast his heart pounded in his chest, explaining why he asked you to stop without words. 

Your lips curled into a sweet smile, pulling his hand that was wrapped around your wrist, holding your hand flat on his chest as you led his hand towards your exposed cleavage in attempts to show him how fast your own heart was beating.

Only for his eyes to widen and pull his hand from your grasp in shock- all but clutching his imaginary pearls as he hissed your name. Mortified to even think of touching you there. 

A small laugh left your throat at how he exclaimed your name. You were kind enough to not attempt to do that again- fearing his heart might go into cardiac arrest from being skin to skin. Instead you pulled your hand from his chest, guiding his opposite one onto your wrist and pressing his index and middle finger onto the pulse in your wrist. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he felt your racing pulse against his two fingers, “You make me just as nervous.” you whispered softly, smiling as he parted his lips. 

Choso softened his gaze, “You do a great job at hiding it.” he whispered back, recalling every moment his heart palpitated in his chest- wondering if all those times your heart was racing too. 

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“I think this is the first official date I've ever been on-”  you smiled, now standing outside. Thinking how stupid it was that the exit was on the other end of the building.

Choso furrowed his eyebrows, “First, first date you mean?” he clarified your statement assumingly.

You scoffed with a smile, “No, the only date I've ever been on.” seeing his expression fall in surprisement. 

Choso nodded his head as though that proclamation didn't make his heart burst in his chest, “Besides the times where we'd hang out after class- but I think this one is the first official one.” you grinned, pulling his hand with you as you turned to start walking back to the car. 

‘The times we’d hang out..?’ he thought, recalling the afternoons you'd spend with him. 

He inhaled quickly, “Those were dates?” he urged with a horrified look on his face, scanning at your profile. You looked at him as you stepped slowly.

Raising your eyebrows almost amused, “Well when two people like each other- and admit it to each other,” You taunted playfully, turning the corner of the sidewalk, “If both are consenting parties-” you continued your mocking tone as Choso listened to your words, to be sure he wouldn't miss hearing what you were saying.

“They start dating.” you teased, looking at him with a smile full of satisfaction.

In his mind, he replayed every moment from when he admitted he liked you till now- reevaluating them at the new information. With warm cheeks that were grazed by the cold air, “Are we..” he started, his palm becoming clammy against yours at the words he dared to spout. “Dating?” He asked, looking at you in a new light at that word.

No longer were you a person he liked- or a school friend. He was a person you were dating.

A soft chuckle left your throat at the dramatized words, “Don't tell me you just wanted to be a situationship?” you asked with feigned offense, furrowing your eyebrows as he listened to your words.

His face fell, trying to process the word you just said, “What is a situationship?” he asked almost scornfully at the unknown word as his grasp in your hand tightened. A sweet laugh left your throat at his question, not even being too sure of what that word meant yourself.

“Cho- are we dating or not?” you asked- turning the question around on him. His face went pink, both at the confrontation and the nickname- looking at you as though you hung the stars in the sky. You raised your eyebrows waiting for his reply. 

Choso tried to think- he tried using all 4 fried brain cells in his mind to formulate a proper sentence, but all his trembling lips could muster was one word;

“Yes.”

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The walk back to the car was silent- You were pleased with how much he blushed, how you practically forced him to confirm that your goal was achieved. 

Choso, on the other hand, had a mortified look on his face. The fear of taking the first step was long gone since the first 3 steps were already taken unbeknownst to him. In his mind he started seeing every possibility, every negative thing that could wait for him 10 miles down the road. Choso knew he should've been elated- but he couldn't help the heavy feeling in his chest as he thought of the future.

Staring at him lovingly, “Where to now?” you broke the silence as he opened the car door for you, holding your hand with trembling fingers as you eased into the vehicle.  

Choso hurried to the other side of the car, taking a deep breath before getting into it. Thinking how everything is different now- he drove this car as your friend and now he was driving it as a person you were dating.

You scooched back to the spot you previously sat in, “I hope you're hungry-” he started, his cheeks tingling as he felt your hand interlock with his again, “God– I am starving.” You interrupted, looking over to him with an enticing grin.

Choso smiled to himself, “I have a fridge full of groceries waiting for us.” he tried ignoring your tracing thumbs as he put the car in drive.

You reached a hand over and pushed a few stray strands of hair that blocked his profile from you. “You gonna cook for me?” You hummed sweetly, seeing the blush on his cheeks deepen. 

A small ‘Mhm’ left his lips as he pulled out of the street parking, you looked at him with adoring eyes, intoxicated on how close you were to him. “Those plates were definitely a good idea huh?” you asked smugly.

He sighed with a smile, “Yes. They were a phenomenal idea.” he fed into your boastful tone.

You looked at him, admiring that he cared enough to agree with you,“You’re so-” you hesitated as you tried to find the word, “So,” Choso was smiling as he awaited your words. You gritted your teeth- feeling cuteness aggression, “It's like I made you in a computer.” You smiled, hearing a hearty laugh from his chest.

The entire ride back to the campus- you didn't let go of his hand. The cringey love songs played on the radio quietly, with any song you recognized you’d tell him a memory from your upbringing. Grazing the tips of your fingers along his larger ones. 

Choso made sure to listen to every single word you'd speak into the air- “M’sorry I know I'm talking a lot-” you sighed, noticing he wasn’t replying to your words.

Hee scoffed, “Don't apologize- I like listening to you talk.” flashing his eyes over to you as you nodded your head in disbelief at how smoothe he could be at times.

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You didn't check your phone the entire time. So you were happily relishing in the peace you felt being in the presence of him. 

Walking past the entryway of his apartment, reaching into your coat pocket and taking it off as Choso reached for it in your hand, hanging it along with his on the coat rack. 

You checked the stupid piece of aluminum, widening your eyes at the countless messages from your overbearing roommate, and checking the time. 9:05 pm as you heard Choso set down the boxed plates onto the kitchen counter in front of you.

You sighed as you pulled out a barstool from the wall, furiously typing as Choso gently peeled off the tape from the box.

Looking across the kitchen counter at you as you settled on the barstool with furrowed eyebrows. Scanning your bugged expression, “Everything okay?” he pulled you from your thoughts. 

You sighed as you shut off the phone, placing it onto the counter faced down as you looked at him- completely defeated. “I’m moving out.” you claimed with a deadpan tone.

Choso looked at you from the cabinet, “What now?” he smiled as he reached for a pan. 

“I have like- 50 texts and 20 missed calls from my-” you were interrupted, Choso finished your sentence, ‘roommate’, watching as you huffed a sweet smile at how he knew what you were ranting about. “Regardless, I'm moving- even if I live on the street for a few days. I can't stay at that house anymore.” You sighed, watching Choso turn on two knobs on the stove. 

Looking at him with defeated eyes, “You won't live on the street.” he assured, turning around and opening the fridge. 

You rested your elbow on the counter, placing your chin in your hand as you watched him set various small containers of already prepared herbs onto the counter. “At the end of the day people really are disappointing aren't they?” you asked with a sigh, watching as he pulled out two pre-marinated chicken breasts from the fridge. 

Choso decided to ignore your previous statement- not wanting to sullen the mood even more, “Are they like this with your other roommates?” he asked with a smile, drizzling oil into the pan. Going to lower the heat on the small steel pot on the back burner before moving to stand in front of you. 

You watched as he slowly pulled his jewelry from his fingers, “No- if anything they enable their behavior.” eyeing the silver metal on the counter, your proclamation earning a sigh from Choso.

He noticed your eyes following his hands, furrowing his eyebrows at your gawking. “You need better roommates.” he declared, turning to the sink and washing his hands as you reached for the abandoned metal he left on the counter.  

As you rolled the warm metal in your hand you sighed, “I need to move out is what I need-” watching as he dried his hands. You smirked to yourself, “If I was your neighbor would you cook for me everyday?” You asked- half joking as he looked up from the searing pan.

Choso smiled at your question, picking up one of the raw chickens, “If you were my neighbor I’d cook for you anytime you asked.” he flashed his eyes up at you before placing the white meat into the pan, a loud sizzle coming from the action.

You rested your elbows onto the counter with a hearty giggle, “You say that now- But when m’knocking at your door 2-3 times a day- you can't complain.” you warned, watching as he let out a half laugh.

He picked up metal tongs from the utensil holder, “If you knock on my door 2-3 times a day- I won't have any reason to complain,” he spoke your name in reassurance as he flipped the grilling chicken on the other side. 

You laughed to yourself, not being able to sense any nervousness or hesitation in his words anymore, almost as though he gained more confidence in the past half hour. 

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As he plated the cooked chicken, you watched with a grumbling stomach. Almost drooling as he scooped a decent portion of mashed potatoes onto the brand new white plate, “God- that looks so good.” You bit your lip, reaching your hands to the plate. 

“Wait-” he held onto the edgeas he reached for a pre-cut lemon- squeezing it gently as the citrus glazed the browned chicken.

With a warm smile he spoke, “There- now you can eat it.” looking down to the beautifully plated meal, you sighed. Grabbing onto the edge of the plate and pulling it towards you.

You looked back to him, “I can wait for you-” you muttered, hoping he'd say no. 

He exhaled, smiling as he watched your eyes full of hunger flicker from him back down to your serving. “It's okay- you eat.” He assured, watching the smile return on your lips as you picked up the metal fork placed on the side of the plate. 

Choso watched you expectantly, the fork scraping against the plate as you sliced into the meat-piercing the chunk you cut off and lifting it to your lips, looking at him as you placed the fork into your mouth. The warmth from the grilled chicken landing on your tongue as you pulled the fork from your lips- leaving nothing on it with a sigh from your nose.

Chewing a few times as you closed your eyes, savoring the flavor between every bite. 

You swallowed, opening your eyes and nodding your head, “You're insane.” you mumbled, looking at his expression unchanged- not knowing if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Please finish cooking so I can eat more-” you joked, placing the fork onto your plate, he scoffed at the words that seemed like a compliment. 

And as you asked, he plated his own serving, not with a quarter as much love nor care- but it was infront him as he leaned down to take a bite, assuring you it was fine for you to continue eating. 

He hummed as he placed the fork down onto his plate, “I didn't even offer you anything to drink-” he scoffed to himself reaching to the cupboard above his head and pulling down two glass cups. 

You opened your mouth- hesitating to speak as you watched him turn to the fridge, “Not to sound alcohol-dependent or anything-” you grinned as he peeked back to you. “But do you…?” you insinuated with half lidded eyes. 

Choso sighed, “I don't. I have water and orange juice.” he mumbled, knowing exactly what you were trying to do- but he knew in his bones it wouldn't have been a good idea to let you drink right now. 

You gave a half laugh, “Water is fine.” you smiled as he reached into the fridge. Choosing to keep the bottle of ‘Titos’ he had a secret from you.

Pulling out a glass bottle from the fridge he had bought yesterday. Pouring water into your glass as you chewed on your affection infused meal. 

You placed down your fork, swallowing the previous bite before reaching for the cold glass. “You'd really be okay with me moving next door?” watching his eyes trail down to his plate.

Choso inhaled, “If it makes you happier- and not feel so stressed, I would let you move in here-” he spoke mindlessly, halting his chewing as he realized what he said. He inhaled sharply- feeling like your silence was deafening. He was about to apologize-

Only you laughed, “All my clothes would not fit in your closet.” you inhaled as you placed a bite of the mashed potatoes into your mouth. He huffed through his nose at your comment, pleased that you took it as a joke rather than how he truly meant it. 

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Somewhere between him finishing half of his meal and your 5th compliment on how fucking good the food tasted- a battle ship board was put up between you. 

Furrowed eyebrows staring back at you as he called out a number on the board. You hissed as you looked at your side of the game, “Nope.” you grinned as he gruffed at his attempts.

You were examining your grid, trying to use all the divination you could muster before he spoke up- “Did I tell you I'm thinking of getting a job?” he smiled, watching your furrowed eyebrows ease at the question. 

You gasped, “No! Don't do that-” holding a peg in your hand as his expression churned to confusion. “I won't be able to see you as often.” you pouted, looking down at your board. The words seemingly came unfiltered from your heart, and the sight of you pouting at the idea of not being able to see him as much anymore was more than enough to push that idiocy to the side.

And though you meant it as a half joke, it still pained you to know that now- of all times. When things were finally advancing, he'd pull away. 

“If you need money-” your lungs threatened to laugh at the words forming on your lips. “I'd be more than happy to pay for your time.” You spewed as though you were a sleazy 80 year old man speaking to a lady of the night. 

Choso furrowed his eyebrows and parted his lips, “Like an escort??” he huffed a laugh, you looked up from your board with an entertained smile. “No- no, not like an escort-” you defended. 

Calling out a number on the board as he nodded his head. “Like a paid…” you thought of the word, “Though I can't call you a friend anymore can I?” You spoke to yourself as he scanned his side of the plastic game, smiling at the thought that you'd no longer hesitate when referring to him. 

He inhaled as he took a bite from the coldening food, looking over to your plate and seeing you had finished. “I thought you were broke?” he spoke thoughtlessly, not being able to feel the hesitance before he spoke now. 

Your smile fell, he squinted his eyes as you shook off the sudden heavy feeling- “You're that expensive?” you chirped, looking at him bewildered at the thought he might've taken your words seriously. 

Choso scoffed, “No, you don't have to pay me to hang out with you.” he reiterated, watching as you fiddled with the peg in your hand. Recalling your query of if he'd mind if you were his neighbor. “But I remember you said you were broke..?” he looked at you with detective eyes as you called out a square on the grid. Sucking his teeth when you actually hit one of his boats. 

You hummed as you avoided eye contact, “I uhh-” you lowered your shoulders and raised a brow, “I figured it out.” flashing a warm smile at him. Only you meant it in an assuring way- Choso saw past it. He saw the way your lips fell after you said that, the way your eyes dimmed from recalling what you were hiding. 

You cleared your throat, “Meaning, I can afford your company now.” you circled back to the silly topic with a smile, Choso sneered through his nose at your insistence. He opened his mouth to speak- but you spoke before he could. 

“What kind of job?” you looked at him, changing the topic before he called out a number on the grid. 

He sucked his teeth, “I was thinking at the library- Quiet, don't have to do a whole lot.” He muttered as he studied the target grid. “Or I could apply to be a TA.”squinting before calling out a number. 

You tightened your lips, mouthing a curse as you marked a small boat with a red peg. “Why now of all times?” you asked as you waited for him to call out another number.

Choso parted his lips- almost saying the words that popped into his mind before closing his mouth. “No- say what you were thinking.” you caught onto the little habit he had developed since he was a child.

He smiled at your attentiveness, “I was thinking, now that I’m..” looking at you with a blushing smile, you raised your eyebrows, all but saying ‘go on.’

“Now that I am seeing someone.” he murmured, looking down at the board embarrassed and trying to ignore your gaze, you laughed at his avoidant eyes. 

You inhaled, nodding your head ‘no’ disapprovingly. “You don't need to get a job just because we're dating, Cho.” you assured, standing from the barstool and taking a step around the end of the kitchen counter, standing before his figure as he looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, “Look at all the times we've hung out- not once did we need money or to go out to have fun.” placing a hand on his bicep and squeezing gently to affirm your words even more. 

Choso inhaled, “Would it be enough?” he muttered as he looked down to his shoes. You scoffed, trailing your hand down to his forearm, then to his hand. 

“I would be more than fulfilled if all we did was stay here and play board games day after day.” you whispered, holding your hand gently in his as he felt his throat close up-

He looked back to you with creased eyebrows, the tip of his nose daring to turn pink from an expression that looked close to tears. “You want a hug?” you asked sweetly, hearing a sniffle from his nose before pulling you to him.

Your hands wrapped around his waist as his arms rested atop your shoulders, holding you tightly as your bodies came together in a perfect mold. Choso held one hand on the back of your neck softly, the other pressed taut between your shoulder blades as you smiled into his chest, circling your hands soothingly on his spine, he sniffled before speaking.

“Be honest. Did you come over here to look at where my boats were?” you breathed out- defeated that he saw through your plot. Pulling away from him as his hands hesisted to let you go from the hug that felt like home. 

You looked at him with a cheeky smile, “I did.” you nodded, looking over to his side of the board and seeing you were close to winning by a few more pegs. You looked back to him, parting your lips expectantly as he took a step back.

‘Be well-mannered’ Choso thought as he watched you brush off the slight disappointment. 

He cleared his throat, “I think it's time to take you home.” he smiled, watching your eyes blink down to your shoes that had to be uncomfortable by now. 

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The trip to your house was short now that there was a car, and yet- you still held onto him as though it was the last time you'd have the chance to. 

Choso parked on the opposite side of the street, turning off the car as your eyes looked at the wooden door across the street almost resentfully. “Ready?” he asked, knowing you’d refuse to face the music were he not there. 

With a begrudged exhale, you nodded your head. 

Choso held the car door open for you, holding your hand as you stepped onto the street. You almost resented how polite he was- knowing if it were anyone else they would have invited you to stay the night- regardless if it was a first date. 

But not him, Choso didn't dare to even think of asking that of you.

And as you stood before him on your unlit porch, you smiled, “Thank you.” with a whisper, looking into his eyes as he scanned the prominent aspects of your face.

“Don't thank me.” he murmured, his voice low and throaty as he watched the sparkle in your eye round your pupil. 

With a modist smile, you looked at him impatiently. “I think this is where you kiss me goodnight.” you leaned forward mere millimeters as Choso refused to step back this time. 

He gulped at your words, “It wouldn't be polite.” he dissuaded lowly as you grinned innocently. 

Close enough that you were breathing the same air- “It would be more impolite not to, Choso.” you compelled, watching his gaze dart from your lips back to your eyes. 

He raised his hands to the side of your face- thumbs caressing your temples softly, parting your lips as his fingers kept a light touch beneath your ears. You fluttered your eyes closed as you heard ringing in your mind, cheeks warm and tingling as you awaited.

Only you awaited something to press against your lips- But Choso had other plans.

His parted lips pressed onto the center of your forehead, pulling away with your head in his hands. It wasn't disappointment- more like a challenge that you felt. “Goodnight,” he spoke your name in an intoxicating tone, softly taking his hands from your face and taking a step back from you.

You couldn't help but smile at his chivalry, “You're cruel.” you whispered, earning a quiet half-laugh from his chest. 

“It’s not respectful to kiss you on a first date.” He scolded playfully, watching you roll your eyes lightheartedly. 

You stared at him as you leaned your back onto the door, placing your hand on the brass knob before sucking your teeth. “When is a respectful time then?” you murmured, watching his hands slide into his coat pockets.

“Third. Maybe even fourth date.” he smiled, knowing that would gain a feigned groan of dissatisfaction from you. Though it was earlier than you'd like-  10:43 to be exact, you were still grateful he was courteous enough to bring you back home as though you had a curfew. 

“Goodnight Cho.” you smiled, turning the brass knob as he kept his eyes on you.

Were the porch light on you’d be able to see the beaming blush on his cheeks, “Goodnight.” he replied sweetly, watching as you stepped into your house, taking one last look at him before waving a small goodbye. 

Choso was able to contain the excitement in his throat till he turned away from your porch, his lungs threatening to start hyperventilating as he tried to confirm with himself if that actually just happened. He stood at the car door- looking up at the sky and thanking whatever celestial being was out there for the lucky hand he was dealt. 

There was one thought in his mind at that moment. He was now sure that you made him feel more alive and far less lost than he felt without you. And he relished in that thought as he drove back to his apartment, no longer fearing the future- if anything he was thrilled to know that for the first time, love finally loved him back.

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and if I told you I over indulged sooo much in this chapter??? and if i said........ I almost hemorrhaged writing this?!!! this was too cute, (just wait till I write abt the first time they have sex) And if you're curious- yes the rewarding cigarette was delicious.

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 9.

Summary: In Oliver's time of need, you and Felix put the past altercation behind you both to be there for him when he says he needs you both. None of you are given time to breathe, however, as end of year exams begin and you and Felix have to remember how to be good students, all the while Venetia appears to be getting bored and is getting more desperate to have you come back to Saltburn.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: discussions of oliver's father dying, also exam stress

A/N: 3265 words. a bit shorter than the past few, but chapter 10 i think will end our time at oxford so im already starting on that as we speak and it will be out soon!! a more chill one, apart from, of course, the ollie's dad thing. plus we get some Venetia in here!! i love her, she's such a menace. already excited to share more with you all <3

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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Oh God, oh fucking God, Oliver looked so small.

Felix had opened the door looking downright helpless, and from behind him, Oliver's voice broke as all he could manage was 'hi, Y/N'. You can hear his voice is thick with tears and barely restrained grief. When you to Felix, questions in your eyes, he has no real answer for you, just steps aside.

"What's wrong?" Immediately you're by Oliver's side, one hand on his knee where he's curled up on himself, sitting in the middle of Felix's floor.

"I didn't know what else to do," Felix admits weakly, more for Oliver's sake than your own as he closed the door. It's dark, blinds drawn, quiet in the mid-morning. Oliver doesn't look up from the floor.

"Needed you here," Oliver mumbled against his knees, "both of us." He sniffles faintly, shifts his feet a little closer to himself. Felix is fidgeting, still shifting his weight from one foot to the other by the door, watching you both. Oliver looks up at him through tear-stained lashes, and finally Felix sinks down, across from both of you.

Still, you have no real idea of what's happened, but when you look to Oliver, he chances another glance to Felix before focusing back in on his shoes.

"His, uh," Felix starts awkwardly, still watching Oliver, as if unsure if this was how he wanted to break the news. Oliver gives a jerky nod of his head, and another sniffle, and Felix looks to you with that same, grim expression he'd worn at the door, "Ollie's dad died," he says softly, "he just found out."

Oliver presses his face into his knees, like even hearing it like that upsets him, his whole body trembling. In an instant you wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into you for a tight hug.

"I'm okay," he tries to insist with a watery voice, clearly holding back tears, and Felix reaches out to rest a comforting hand on his shin.

"You're not alright, mate, and you don't have to be," he assures, quickly scooting himself over to Oliver's other side, mirroring you with his arms around Oliver too, resting his head on Oliver's shoulder.

"No, I promise, it's just shock, it's -" Oliver continues, desperately trying to reign in his emotions, "he was a- a drunk, and off his face the rest of the time, I probably should have expected something like this," but his heart's not in it.

"He's still family," Felix mumbles against his shoulder. Oliver is very quiet, but you can both feel when he shifts, even a little, his head raising to rest his cheek against Felix's hair.

"I told Oliver he should look into getting an exemption for his exams," Felix says after a few moments, to which Oliver immediately tries to protest, while you wrack your brains for solutions. Of course you agree, a death in the family would warrant -

"I can't, I already told you I can't," Oliver insisted. He looks frantic, gaze never straying from Felix as he sits up, "I'm on a scholarship, I can't miss the exams!"

"Is there anything you could do?" Felix pleads with you, the two of you sitting astride of Oliver and seemingly ignoring his own pleas for the moment. But even in these moments where you deliberate, Oliver's desperate gaze clings to Felix alone.

"I can look into it, I've got to make a trip to admin later today anyways -"

"No!" Oliver finally snapped. There were tears pricking his eyes as he held out his hands to you both, as if demanding space and silence, staring dead ahead, unable to look either of you in the eyes, "this is all I have. I don't get a second chance at being here. I don't get a second chance at being anywhere. I know I will be fine," he takes a deep, sharp breath, wetting his lips, "tomorrow."

"Fine," Felix finally breathes, cutting through the silence. Both of you still focus on Oliver, tense like a time bomb, but slowly letting himself relax.

"Thank you," he mutters, but doesn't curl in on himself this time. He stretches his legs out in front of him, then his arms, fingers reaching and twisting after being all coiled up together for so long.

"If - if," Felix begins tentatively, "you wake up before your first exam and you're not fine, will you tell us and let us take care of it for you?"

"You mean let Y/N break into my academic records?" Oliver asked wryly, turning to Felix, but there was little malice behind it. Felix, glad to see Oliver hadn't taken it as an insult, grins sheepishly.

"I don't ask how they do what they do," he hesitates, "but yeah, probably," he glances over Oliver's head at you and you hold up your hands, wiggling your fingers.

"A magician never reveals his secrets." Both boys snort a laugh at that, and Oliver leans back carefully, laying on the rug.

"If I do end up feeling like that, I'll tell you, but I promise I'll be okay."

"Tomorrow," you remind him, laying back to join him and petting him on the arm in solidarity.

"Tomorrow," Oliver agreed softly. Felix is the last to join you all in laying back, looking over at you and Oliver rather than at the ceiling like the two of you.

"So would you like to do anything today? If you just want to stay here and do nothing, we can do that too -"

"I don't want to stay around here," Oliver blurts out, "I just want to get off of campus and out of my head for a day, with you guys. Is that- can I -?"

There's something almost childlike in the way that he speaks, the way that he clings to your friendship in his time of need. Neither you nor Felix could say no to him, not that you wanted to. Yesterday's altercation was forgotten, today you'd both do anything to make Oliver happy.

Lunch in town, a movie that the three of you talk through at the back of an empty theatre, and late afternoon in a Tesco, buying ingredients for dinner that you and Felix vow to cook for Oliver in one of your dorm's shared kitchens. Your phone's been buzzing throughout the day, particularly insistent, but you don't feel the urge to pull yourself from this afternoon, these moments to check it.

There's something about browsing the aisles together, something domestic and comforting about arguing over pasta ingredients and whether it was worth it to buy pre-made sauce or to make your own. Oliver watches you both so fondly, all hints of his earlier distress having left him, so it seems. The day felt like a success.

The pasta turns out to be far more of a success than any of you were anticipating, honestly; between you and Felix you made one decent cook. Sitting on the communal sofa, bowls all balanced on your knees, you and Felix are eating for a few moments before you realise Oliver's just been staring at his, strange look on his face.

"Promise it's edible," Felix says, half his mouth full, nudging Oliver's shoulder. You, however, finish your mouthful before speaking.

"Everything okay, Ollie?"

"Haven't had a home cooked meal for years," Oliver sounds almost like he's breathless from the realisation, and certainly like he's holding back tears. Both you and Felix, somehow on the same wavelength without even trying, both move your bowls, and then Oliver's to the coffee table, wrapping him up in a hug. Felix, of course, may have been a bit overenthusiastic, and all three of you end up tipped onto your side, squishing you into the old sofa. When you all right yourselves, laughing nonetheless, Oliver's beaming even as he's blinking away tears.

The night ends with Felix walking you and Oliver back to your respective dorms. By your door, you hug them both, giving Oliver a kiss on the cheek.

"I know exams are intense, but don't be a stranger, okay?"

"I won't," he nods a little bashfully, grinning at the dirt.

"We love you, we have every faith in you."

"I know," he says with a half smile, "if I do shit and get kicked out, how will I see you guys anymore?"

"Don't talk like that!" Felix gasps in mock horror, hand over his heart, ever the dramatic one, "do well of course, but don't talk like that!"

"Good night, boys," you chuckle, letting yourself into your room, hearing their banter pick up as they headed out towards Oliver's, the night so much warmer and brighter than the day had started.

Finally, flopping onto your bed, you reach down to grab the charger to plug it in when you finally see who's been texting you so insistently.

Venetia.

ven my love: can't believe youre still losing scraps against fars XD

That was last night, wasn't it? God, what a snitch Farleigh was sometimes, you roll your eyes to yourself, continuing to read the messages she'd been sending after getting no reply from you.

ven my love: dishonor on you dishonor on your cow ven my love: looking forward to summer obvs :-* ven my love: miss u ven my love: is it tru that youre fucking felixs newest toy?? ven my love: the one farleigh hates lol ven my love: is that why u and far got in a tiff? ven my love: ignoring me i see ven my love: youre no fun :(

Sighing deeply, you think carefully as you read through the texts once more before starting your reply.

Y/N: miss you too ven

Her response comes less than a minute later, before you could even properly address any of her other comments.

ven my love: FINALLY Y/N: fi nd me were with ollie all day. i have a life outside of you ven my love: boo no u dont i never agreed to that ven my love: and whats so special about ollie?? ive heard what farleigh thinks about him Y/N: fars is biased ven my love: and you and felix are the pinnacle of impartiality.......

You could almost see her rolling her eyes behind her phone, sarcasm practically dripping from the screen, knowing Venetia. She had a point, but you didn't want to acknowledge it. However, she didn't even give you time before your phone chimes with another text.

ven my love: he's felix's new eddie isnt he

There's something that reads as smug in the message and you have to snap your phone shut to avoid the sudden rage building up inside of you. Part of you would always, unconditionally love Venetia, you knew as much, and part of you would always have an unconditional distaste for Eddie for reasons you refuse to think deeply about, but Felix had fucking loved him. Their shared betrayal shattered parts of him that he still hadn't fully recovered from, and you may not have loved Eddie, but you'd never forgive him for how happy he made Felix, only to rip that away by fucking around with Venetia.

ven my love: ignoring me again ven my love: god you're SO sensitive

Venetia's callousness about it all was one of the few things that set you on edge, and she knew this. Felix pretended to be above it all, but Venetia took some small semblance of joy knowing she was one of the few people able to get under your skin when she wanted.

You finally reply, scowling at your phone the entire time you wait for her expectedly blasé response.

Y/N: one day fi is gonna deck u for what happened with eddie and im not gonna defend you im gonna laugh ven my love: felix is a baby about what happened but he wouldn't hit me and u know it :p Y/N: then i will Y/N: don't test me ven you know id do it too ven my love: touchy touchy... youre so mean

Is all she sends back for the night. Though you go to sleep unfortunately angry, you wake up surprisingly refreshed, and with a single text, from Ollie this time, thanking you and Felix for yesterday, and once again reassuring you that he was much better today.

Exams keep you all busy for the next few days, nights at the pub traded in for all hours in the library amongst the books and struggling to keep each other on task. Oliver becomes something of a recluse, but always answers your texts when you check in on him.

Farleigh's incredibly unhelpful when it comes to studying; he's always been incredibly academically gifted, and is somehow breezing through his first year exams, seemingly only coming to your study sessions for the company. It frustrates Felix to no end, who's had his head buried in his notes far more than anyone else in your group had expected. Some of them tease him, but once they realise how serious he is about doing well in his exams, they leave him be.

As much as his reputation was easy going, he was still Felix Catton; he wouldn't let himself fail with so many eyes on him. That was something you had in common, even if the eyes on you weren't immediately apparent.

Studying with Felix is quiet when it's just the two of you. You quiz each other in the quiet of the library for classes you share, compare notes and quietly bicker about lectures you both only half remember. Often he gets tired of it all before you, so you read out from whatever textbook you're trying to get into, and let him draw in the margins of your notebook.

Geometric patters with no rhyme or reason, swirls, creatures that resemble no living animal despite what he says, rough sketches of eyes focused with brows furrowed, lips bitten or speaking, things he shrugs at and sheepishly has no explanation for when you finally look up from your textbook.

It's almost midnight, you're slowing down as your eyes are stinging for how long you've been focusing on your business textbook. Felix has forgone even messing with your notes and is now slumped over, chin on the table as he gazes out into the middle distance. Beneath the table, he's fidgeting idly with your free hand, playing with your fingers idly as he listens to you rattle off -

"Now moving on, we come to the most effective strategies for profit maximisation within a consumer-first business model -" around a yawn, but Felix can't help but interrupt.

"God, why the fuck are we even taking Econ?" He puffs out his cheeks petulantly.

"This isn't Econ," you yawn again, and he flops his head to the side, cheek flush against the notes he was ignoring, looking particularly tired and childish, "it's, um, Business Marketing, I think?" Felix blows a loud raspberry, and you realise that you're probably not going to get anything else done.

"Why did I sign up for Business Marketing? Doesn't sound like me."

"I signed up for Business Marketing because I thought it'd be good for my future," you rattled off with a put-upon air, closing your textbook and attempting to clean up your scattered notes with one hand, "and I said Felix you're going to hate this, just like you hated it back in first year, but you insisted, no, like a foolish hero," you rolled your eyes, "refusing to let me suffer alone."

"Fuck past-Felix," present-Felix pouts, "can't believe he's done this to me." It's enough to make you laugh, however, and you give him a gentle pet, thanking him for his sacrifice even if it didn't seem worth it to him in that current moment. Finally he sits up, letting go of your hand and taking the hint to start collecting up his own things.

"We should get to bed, so tomorrow-Felix doesn't hate you during his nine-am Econ exam -" Felix cuts you off with a loud groan, throwing his head back in despair.

"Why the fuck am I taking Econ again?" He demanded to know, shoving his things into his bag with the kind of vitriol the poor papers really didn't deserve.

"Because you promised your dad you would."

"Fuck, right," he groaned, "remind me, next year, I'm only taking art and theatre classes. My exams are going to be interpretive dance, and Jackson Pollock recreations," slinging his bag over his shoulder, he levels an unimpressed look at where you're doing badly at repressing your amused grin, "I'm serious Y/N."

"I know, Fi," you snicker, you can't help yourself, petting him on the shoulder as the two of you head out of the library together.

"It's going to be avant garde and it'll be the easiest exam I ever do; spunk and a black light on canvas," Felix, seemingly having slipped into that state just past tired where he starts speaking nonsense, keeps going, "out of spite," he adds.

"Is this for the interpretive dance or the Jackson Pollock recreation?" You smirk, playing along with the bit, "and will it be your spunk or random peoples' spunk? Talk me through the application process."

"It'll be my submission for both;" he says, far too sure of himself, "just me, dick in hand, in front of the exam people," he deliberates for a moment, "black light in the other hand," and he nods very firmly, as if set on his plan, "it's provocative, it's confronting and will make them reconsider what art is; I'll get a perfect score." Then, under his breath, "fucking nine o'clock Econ exam." And you pat his back in solidarity, arriving outside of his dorm. With a heavy sigh he wraps you up in a hug, and kisses you on the forehead.

"I'll be by at eight-thirty to make sure you don't miss it."

"Fucking nine o'clock fucking Econ fucking exam," is all Felix says with a shake of his head, heading inside as you chuckle to yourself.

In bed, once again winding down for the night, you notice another text from Venetia, the first in several days.

ven my love: still mad at me? Y/N: depends on what u want now ven my love: i can work with that ;) ven my love: come manhandle me im bored Y/N: and im several hours away from you and more importantly an exam ven my love: i'll pay for your train ticket. first class xx\ ven my love: i'll hire a carriage and make duncan pull it like a horse all the way to oxford and back. ven my love: i'll only wear nice lingerie and you can have your way with me in the back like in pride and prejudice ;) Y/N: thats not what happens in pride and prejudice ven my love: it is in my head. kiera knightly is so fit Y/N: youre thinking of that scene in the titanic ven my love: thats kate winslet ven my love: but yeah i am ven my love: for my birthday can you hire leo dicaprio to come to my party so i can shag him in the back of a carriage ven my love: come on you can afford it Y/N: ill shag you in the back of a carriage or a car or anywhere you want when i next see you Y/N: for free ven my love: ugh fine luv u. come home soon xx

And honestly, even with only a few exams left to go, you can't help but agree. Soon can't come soon enough.

[lunar-wandering]

alright, i'll do it.

I'll go off the deep end over the argument scene

First and foremost: they're kinda both in the wrong, obviously. But also kinda both in the right?

Macaque, is in the right for being upset that Wukong didn't listen to him, that Wukong drove himself to this point, etc etc. He, even, is not the one to start this argument, and instead approached peacefully, and attempted to leave when he was getting irritated. It was Wukong that pushed him over the edge into blowing up at him.

He even leaves afterwards, which, actually, is technically the right course of action. In a healthy relationship (platonic or romantic) it'd be best to give both parties time to cool off, and then return and discuss the issues calmly to find a solution.

The main problem is; they don't do this. Macaque doesn't come back, and Wukong doesn't cool off.

On the other hand, Wukong is in the right for being mad, mad that Macaque isn't working to free him (cause, from his position, it sure seems like he isn't), and is instead 'wasting time'. Mad that Macaque would dare to say he was dragged into a mess when he isn't the one trapped under a mountain. (On some level, mad at himself, likely, for letting all this happen).

He, of course, doesn't have the choice to leave, so instead he's left.

The core issue here, as is usual with most relationships shown in media; is their lack of communication. Wukong didn't truly listen to Macaque, and Macaque was too upset to understand Wukong's side of the issue.

...And they let this fester.

Of course, this isn't the end of the falling apart between them. No, there's more to this, the show makes this adamantly clear with MK trying to get Macaque to tell him "what happened between them".

Things continued after this, this was just the barest tipping point.

So. Macaque (probably) didn't come back.

We don't know why. We don't know if it was his choice, based on hearing Wukong yell that he "never wants to see your face again", or if it wasn't his choice, if something else happened.

So Wukong is left alone.

It is shown, in Journey to the West, that Wukong is prone to anger.

Quite usually, this is his response to most situations that upset him (followed later by crying), anger and destruction is usually his first response.

Whether viewed under an "autistic Wukong" lense or a "traumatized Wukong" lense, this makes perfect sense.

It's even shown in the show, if you look at the early pieces of flashback art that show bits of the Journey, you can see that Wukong looks pissed in most of them, and that he slowly starts to look happier as the images go on, as, in the story, he worked on this issue, and got better, less angry, less prone to immediately resort to violence.

(Notably, as far as I remember, the tipping point for when he slowly starts becoming less violent literally is the Macaque Chapter. Interesting, huh?)

Wukong, likely, logically knows that there was nothing Macaque could do to free him. Emotionally, though?

He's going to be upset the next time he sees him. And when he's upset, he's prone to anger.

Macaque, on the other hand, is going to see Wukong, with the Journey to the West group, slowly becoming a better person, old parts of him returning, creating someone new. Wukong... changed for these people, he listens to them.

But not for him. Wukong didn't change for him, and he never listened to him.

So. They meet again. We're not sure how. We don't know if that whole thing of Macaque pretending to be Wukong and attacking the JTTW gang is still actually a thing in Monkie Kid. It's possible he might do it out of jealousy, but we're not sure if it happens.

Maybe Macaque came to Wukong for help. Maybe Wukong, still mad about being left behind, refused. (I consider this possible based on the the way the special shows Macaque when MK says that "Monkey King would try to save us if one of us was trapped" + his reaction to MK saying he'd never abandon his friend in s3ep10. It's possible he's regretting not trying harder to free Wukong, but...)

We don't know.

What we do know is, they fought, and Wukong, in the end, successfully killed Macaque.

A Key thing this show hasn't brought up though is... how.

Shadow Play, vaguely, implies that it might've been via his Kaiju Form.

Notably, we are now at the point where Wukong, who, once again notably, has the most memorable Kaiju Form within the story of Journey To The West, is the only one of the three monkeys in this show who hasn't used their Kaiju Form.

We've been told, quite a few times, actually, that Wukong is holding back.

He held back against Nezha. He held back in episode 9, in the fight against Macaque. Even when he was possessed he wasn't using his full power- we're outright told that Wukong was fighting her control the whole time- he couldn't do that while also going at full power.

We've never seen Wukong go all out in the show.

...Why?

Why would the most powerful character, of all time, not use that power to defeat world-ending threats? Why would he choose to not pull out all the stops?

...

("You can't just ignore your power because you're afraid of it.")

Why else, would he not be using his full power, if it wasn't what killed his best friend?

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello! I loved your platonic headcanons for one piece so much! So comforting! If it's no trouble, may I ask the rest of the strawhats too? Only if you're comfortable, of course! 🩷

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. I am currently up to episode 451 (Impel Down) of One Piece so please keep that in mind while reading. I hope you like the headcanons!

Platonic headcanons on Usopp and Brook can be found here!

Fandom: One Piece

Characters: Monkey D. Luffy, Roronoa Zoro, Nami, Sanji, Tony Tony Chopper, Nico Robin, Franky, Jinbe x gn! Reader (separate and platonic)

I hope you’re an energetic person because with Luffy as your friend, there’s never going to be another peaceful moment. He’s always dragging you and all of the other Straw Hats into an adventure.

Speaking of energy, he’s got a lot to spend so you can expect him to ask you to fight or play with him a lot. The same way he’s always playing with Chopper and Usopp, you’re now included in the mix.

Gives surprisingly good advice at the least expected moments. You could be sitting quietly and suddenly, he’ll run over to you and provide you with a profound and perfect solution to a problem you mentioned to him two days ago.

However, don’t expect him to have good answers for everything. Sometimes, the best he can offer is “maybe you should have something to eat?” And that’s okay, duality is something you learn to expect if you’re friends with Luffy.

I feel like Luffy is the kind of person to share clothes platonically. Not his hat of course (unless it’s a special/rare occasion) but his shorts and vests are up for grabs. He just thinks it’s cool being able to swap clothes with his friends.

Definitely the kind of friend to give you a huge hug after you’ve been apart. Even if it’s just for a couple of hours, you can still count on a tight embrace when you reunite. He just misses his friends when they’re not around.

This guy will give you the most insane presents you’ve ever received. Whether it’s a shiny rock, a marine’s hat, or a bug he picked up, you never know what you’ll be handed next. Best not to ask where he got things from though…

That one friend you can’t take anywhere without being prepared for anything that might happen. A simple dinner? You’re going to have to be prepared to run when no one can pay for the amount he ate. A walk along the beach? Now he’s fighting the seagulls. It’s always an adventure.

Nap buddies. No elaboration needed. If you enjoy taking naps, wherever Zoro is is the best place to be. Luffy usually leaves him alone when he’s resting so that means you’re likely to be left alone as well.

He’s also the perfect person to train with. He’s got an insane workout regime so don’t even try to keep up with him but being in his presence is a good motivation to try harder.

Speaking of, he’s a lot like Luffy in that he’s very motivational. However, unlike his captain, he’s a quiet inspiration. He might not say it often but if you ever get a few words of praise from Zoro, take that to heart. He really means it.

Says the most out of pocket things sometimes. He won’t even react to it. One minute you could be relaxing together, the next he’ll say something like “hey, have you ever smelt your own burning flesh?” and never elaborate.

At the same time, he’s also that one friend that, while he doesnt say much, when he does speak, it’s either really profound or stupidly funny. There’s no inbetween.

I feel like Zoro’s weirdly good at noticing when people close to him have habits that harm them in some way like biting your fingernails or chewing your lip. He’s also good at pointing out when you’re doing something like that so you can stop.

Amazing at keeping secrets, if only because he usually forgets he’s meant to keep whatever it is secret and just assumes everyone else knows so there’s no need to talk about it.

In the same vein, Zoro will remember the most obscure details about you. You could tell him there’s a spot on your back that burns in the sun easier than everywhere else and a year later, he’ll remind you to cover up that spot when you dock on an island.

The single best person to go clothes shopping with. She’s got an eye for fashion like no other and will always give you honest feedback on any clothes you try on. Just be warned that she’s not paying for your clothes. That’s on you.

Oh my goodness, a second hand shopping queen! She knows all the best places to get good quality and high end clothes for discount prices. It's great going shopping with her.

Despite Sanji being the cook, I feel like Nami’s decently good at baking. She’s got a bit of a sweet tooth in my mind so, as a result, she knows how to make sweet stuff.

That one friend who is brutally honest with everyone, regardless of whether she knows them or not.

Following on from that last headcanon, you might have to bail her out a lot. She has a tendency to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and get in trouble. Good thing she’s got her friends for backup.

I feel like Nami has a habit of getting absorbed in her work and forgets to take breaks. If you want to help out, set up your work station next to hers and remind her to take a break whenever you do.

Really good with makeup and especially doing makeup and face care routines on others. If you need somewhere with your eyeliner or just want to have a spa day, Nami's your girl.

I feel like Nami would enjoy making jewellery from the treasure she finds. It increases the price if and when she decides to sell so it's a win-win. If you've very lucky, she might even gift you some jewellery she's made.

Feeling homesick? No need to worry, Sanji’s on the case. He’s somehow got a cookbook from your hometown or island full of things to make that taste like home for you.

Always doing little touch ups to your appearance, whether it’s adjusting your collar or tucking your hair back. Of course, he’ll always get the go ahead from you first.

Super empathetic. Somehow, he always knows how you’re feeling and will do his best to help you feel better.

However, just because he knows how you’re feeling, that doesn’t mean he always knows how to help. He’s good with comforting people generally but when it comes to something more nuanced, he can struggle at times due to not having much comfort in his life.

Speaking of comfort, he’s that one friend that always checks in with others but is super out of touch with his own feelings and health. Keep and eye on him in return and he’ll be very grateful.

If you like reading or writing, Sanji will ask you to help him make a cookbook or two. He really wants to compile all of his favourite dishes and figures the best way to do that is by making a book. He's just not sure how to go about it and would be grateful for any help you can provide.

He really loves spending quiet time with his friends one on one. Life with the Straw Hat's can be chaotic and loud at best so it's nice being able to relax in companionable silence for a change.

His love of gossip is only rivalled by Nami's. It's something he picked up from the Baratie and he loves being able to share lots of juicy stories with you.

Definitely the mum friend. Some might say it’s Robin but I think it would be Chopper. He’s always keeping an eye on everyone and trying to keep them out of harm’s way as much as possible.

However, this doesn’t mean he’s not a very chaotic influence as well. Once he lets go of his doctor’s instincts, he’s roughhousing right alongside Luffy and Usopp.

This one is more for the readers who experience periods or menstrual pain but if you ever have cramps, he’ll curl up into a ball that you can press to wherever it hurts. This goes for back pain as well if period pain isn’t an issue for you.

Speaking of back pain, Chopper is amazing at giving massages. You might not think it with his hooves but he’s light enough that he can stand on you in one of his smaller forms and really work out any kinks in your back.

I feel like Chopper does have the bad habit of giving unprompted diagnoses and can be a bit naggy regarding healthy living. It’s just because he cares though.

The fastest way to find out if Chopper considers you a close friend is if he asks you to tell him stories. It doesn't matter if they're exciting or not, he'll listen attentively because you're the one telling it.

Love, love, loves doodling on his friends hands and arms. He claims it's so he can practise marking skin for surgeries but he really just likes seeing a visible sign of the fact that he has friends.

Will use you as a reason to get sweet treats, especially if you like sweet stuff as well. Otherwise, he'll use the excuse that “it's a hot day and you've been really active so you should have something to make sure your blood sugar isn't too low, I'll have something too to keep you company!”

Robin is definitely that friend who will make a comment about getting rid of anyone who annoys you that you’re not sure is a joke or not. She does mean well, she just has a…unique way of expressing it.

In the same manner, she knows so many facts, both relevant and completely obscure, that you’ll never have to look far for information.

This sort of follows on from my headcanon about Chopper’s role as the mom friend: Robin is the cool wine aunt. Sure, she cares about her friends deeply, but she’s happy to take a backseat and watch the chaos unfold rather than try and prevent it.

Definitely a daydreamer. She’ll often gaze off into the distance while sailing between islands, clearly lost in thought.

Robin likes memes, especially dark humour ones or ones that Facebook mums would post. That's just the sort of thing she likes and if you're her friend, you'll be shown all of those memes.

I feel like she has a collection of weapons from different cultures stashed away somewhere. If you ask to borrow something, she'll be more than happy to show you how to use it most effectively.

The most responsible driver and happy to drive you wherever you need to go. However, she will be assertive when the traffic's particularly bad so hang onto your seats and buckle up!

I feel like Robin is good at sketching things quickly and accurately. She has a good eye for detail and, if you ask her to draw something, she'll pull together a drawing in a matter of minutes.

Need anything made for you? Franky’s the man for the job. No questions asked (other than what’s necessary of course) and he’ll work tirelessly until it’s perfect. There might be some interesting design choices though.

I think if you’re a creative minded person or have a talent for designing things, Franky would value your input in his designs.

One of the most chill people to hang out with one on one if you’re not super chaotic like Luffy. He’s very adaptable when it comes to his energy levels and will match the mood of the room.

Franky would absolutely be a theatre fan. While that might seem out there, it just makes sense. He’s already got a flair for theatrics and music so it would be right up his alley.

He’s a great listener. If you’ve got ideas or just need to talk through, he’s a good sounding board. He’ll also do his best to give feedback or advice where it’s required.

Franky is weird through proxy. Hanging out with Robin a lot does that to anyone so if you have strange hobbies or interests, you'll hear no judgement from him!

Following on from my headcanon that he'd make things for you, if you like collecting things or cosplaying, or just need props for something, this is the guy to ask. He'll get a few reference pictures and make an amazing replica for you.

Franky has a knack for photography. He's not really sure how he acquired this skill but he's certainly not complaining. If you ever want some “professional” photos done, just ask him and he'll be more than happy to help.

Jinbe loves talking about books. If you're a fan of reading or just want to listen to him ramble for once, bring up books and you're set.

Jinbe plays golf. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. He knows it’s not everyone’s thing but he’d enjoy it if you tagged along for a game every once in a while.

He enjoys carrying his friends around and giving them piggy-back rides. He’s got the height and strength advantage, and it makes him feel like even more of an unofficial dad than he already is.

Prone to spouting quotes or sayings from ancient generals and philosophers at random moments. They’re always relevant to what you’re saying or doing though so that’s something.

In the same manner, he’s always got motivational posters laying around. You know those cat ones that way things like “hang in there” and “believe”. If you ever want some for yourself, he’ll happily help you pick out the perfect (purrr-fect) one.

Jinbe’s very good at giving advice. Unlike Luffy who gives good advice sporadically, Jinbe’s a lot more reliable. He’s got a lot of life experience to draw from.

He does, however, try to fix everyone’s problems for them, even if they don’t ask for help first. He only has your best intentions at heart but if you’d rather just talk things out or deal with things on your own, you’ll have to tell him that.

Always checks in on you before bed. It’s his way of making sure everyone he cares about is safe. If you want him to join you in your nighttime routine, whatever that may be, he’ll be more than happy to spend the time with you.

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[rabarbarzcukrem]

The eternal opposing relationship between the two sides of a mirror

or: In defense of Shiori

I feel like Shiori is one of the most controversial characters in Utena. Some love her, others despise her. And I don't have a problem with people having strong opinions on her character. What bothers me is the tendency to exaggerate her most negative traits, focus on her most harmful actions, completely ignore any redeeming qualities she might have and then paint her as a one dimensional villainous caricature, a mean straight girl who plays with the lesbian's feelings for the sake of it, without anything deeper going on.

I'm aware of the fact that some people refer to her like that in endearment or in a satirical fashion, and I'm not saying that you can't consider her your favorite problematic evil girl representation. I'm only trying to make people realize that it's her complexity that actually makes her such a compelling character.

I've seen people call Shiori all sorts of names, some of which were baffling enough to make me wonder if they even remembered what happens in the show, and weren't just judging a version of the character that they made up in their head.

So, let's look at the things Shiori actually does, throughout the course of the story.

Disclaimer: I'm only going to take the series into the account here, because I think we can all agree that everyone's characterization and personality differs at least slightly in the movie. Background characters also get a lot less screen time to explain their motivations in order to fully focus on Anthy's journey and struggles, which is understandable.

1. She "steals" the boy from Juri.

This is her biggest crime, which seems to define her from the very beginning. Even though Juri didn't actually have any romantic feelings for him, this action is detrimental to their relationship - it breaks the trio apart, isolates Juri from the pair, is an act of betrayal against her and proves it was done with full awareness that it would hurt Juri emotionally.

Shiori is a deeply insecure person, who constantly feels inadequate and beneath other people. The only reason why Juri seemed to actually like her that Shiori could think of was pity, and even when she found out she was the object of her romantic affection all along, she still struggled to comprehend it. Her self loathing and constant perceived inferiority make her desperate to gain any sort of control over her life and relationships, but they're also the exact reason she feels that the only way she could ever do that is by hurting others. She's always one step below and incapable of crossing that distance, therefore the only way to become equal to people is to bring them down to her level, by humiliation.

When she "steals" the boy from Juri, she achieves that. For a moment, she feels good about herself and leaves Ohtori thinking that she has found the answer, the solution. But she's wrong. From that moment on, it becomes more and more apparent to her that what she did was never out of love for the boy, even though she doesn't let herself acknowledge it fully. Because the truth is, Shiori actually regrets hurting Juri, which she admits herself during her elevator confession.

When the guilt starts getting to her, her confidence high wears off, and she ends up feeling ever worse.

That's why she breaks up with him and comes back. She's not ready to leave yet, not ready to progress. There's still something binding her to Ohtori - Juri, and Shiori's unresolved feelings for her.

2. She tries to set things right with Juri and to fix their relationship.

Even though at this point Shiori still thinks that Juri only ever associated herself with her out of pity, she still makes several attempts to get closer to Juri, who understandably (albeit coldly) turns her down ever time. This is a very clear sign of conflicting feelings Shiori has for Juri - jealousy and admiration, resentment and longing, hate and love. After all, Shiori admits that the two practically grew up together. Their friendship may have always felt fake to Shiori, but she clearly cherished it deeply.

3. The Black Rose Arc.

First of all, we should establish what is the purpose of this arc and how it functions. It explores the motivations of background characters and shows their worst side to the audience. The characters that end up in the elevator are the most unstable, vulnerable ones, with the least power in the system, in unequal and/or exploitive relationships with the duelists and their agency under threat. Mikage offers them a way to gain that power by making them follow their most toxic, negative emotions. And despite all other characters doing exactly that, from what I've seen Shiori is the one that gets the most hate for it. I don't think she should be judged any harsher for what she did under the influence of the black rose than, let's say, Wakaba or Kozue. Especially because the reason all of them ended up in that elevator is because they recognized that these urges were harmful and were seeking help and counseling.

What this arc does do is reveal how Shiori's inferiority complex drives her to act against her own desires. Even though she longs for things to be different, even though she is not happy at all with how her relationship with Juri looks like, she is unable to fix it, because that would require her to consider her own affection for Juri. And she can't do that, because it would mean admitting that she's not stronger than Juri, that she hasn't beaten her, that she's doesn't have control and an advantage over her. Although she tries to keep up this smug, self-assured facade, the reality shines through.

They key to understanding Shiori is noticing that she specifically doesn't want to acknowledge that Juri's feelings are reciprocated, and the obsession is mutual. If you paint their relationship as one sided, you're actually falling for her act.

4. She enters a relationship with Ruka.

Ruka is a handsome (arguable), respected boy who appears out of nowhere and starts showing interest in Shiori. It's obvious that for an insecure girl, who in addition struggles with confusing repressed feelings, this would be something unthinkably wonderful. The affection and praise she gets from him is exactly what her low self-esteem craves. You might be wondering why she didn't perceive Juri's feelings for her in the same way. And a part of the answer might be that, post nameless-boy-incident, Juri was nothing but cold to her. She might have been pining after Shiori from afar, but in the end she's distant and untouchable, and they're divided by their messy past. Meanwhile Ruka is a clean slate, seems openly affectionate, engaged in their relationship and he pays attention to her. But I think the main thing that makes Ruka so different from Juri is the fact that...he's a boy. Because, as Revolutionary Girl Utena establishes, gender plays a crucial role in interpersonal dynamics. Attention from a boy is fundamentally coded as romantic, desirable, necessary and most importantly: increases the girl's worth in society's eyes. It makes one a princess. Meanwhile Juri's advances could only be seen as an invitation to friendship, at best. But Juri's status and beauty make her special, while Shiori is not. Therefore, it can only be pity and mockery.

Of course, Ruka only uses Shiori to influence Juri and dumps her as soon as he achieves his goals. It's true that Shiori could have listened to Juri's warnings, but then again... why should she? From her perspective, Juri's her ex-friend that doesn't want anything to do with her, who only suddenly comes to Shiori when she's finally happy and fulfilled, and encourages her to end it. She doesn't know the wider context of the situation, nor does she remember the Black Rose arc. Juri's warnings don't sound sincere to her.

And so, Ruka gets rid of her in the coldest, most indifferent way, not explaining anything or showing even the slightest sign of compassion. Before that though, he makes an interesting remark, about Shiori putting on an act and polishing somebody else's sword.

Honestly, I don't really know how to interpret it in any other way than Shiori actually having feelings for someone else, despite trying her hardest to conceal it. Are my shipping lenses not allowing me to see any different possibilities? Am I going crazy? I don't know.

Nevertheless, Shiori begs him to stay, devastated. Her life got turned around so suddenly, she found appreciation, status, comfort and stability, and now all that's been taken away from her as abruptly as it was given. It's a public humiliation.

I once heard someone say that this would be the perfect moment for Juri to step in and defend her. And to be honest, although it may be true, I'm not completely sure. It may have been the one display of open care that Shiori needed from her, but it might as well have been interpreted by Shiori as Juri affirming her superiority over her and feeling sorry for her again. We will never know. In my opinion, so much of their relationship is going on in their own heads that the only thing that could ever cause positive progress is communication (which neither of them seem to be a fan of).

Instead, Juri only tries to console her after the fact, when Shiori's at her absolute lowest. In the context of all the assumptions Shiori holds and Juri's previous indifference, it quite understandably comes off as a sneering attempt to gloat.

That's about it. You may have noticed that I've summarized all Shiori's appearances into 4 points, and only one of them includes an instance of Shiori hurting Juri voluntarily, out of her own free will, not influenced by anyone. I'm not saying that she was forced to taunt Juri during the Black Rose Arc, I'm not trying to diminish the suffering she's caused or trying to paint her as a perfectly good person. I am trying to make it clear that she is not some cunning plotter, dedicating every minute of her life to finding ways to make Juri suffer that some people seem to take her for. I am trying to humanize people's perception of her a little bit. Especially considering the fact that last scenes of her include those when she waits for Juri and follows her so that they can go home together, and then joins the fencing club. If this doesn't show that she's capable of change, I don't know what does.

She's not an innocent princess, that's true, but she's not just an egoistical, manipulative liar either. She's a bit of both. After all, if Revolutionary Girl Utena is supposed to teach you anything, then I think it's that we're all just people, and the complexities of human experience make it impossible to fit anyone into a box, assigning them definite labels like "princess" or "witch".

And if you look at a teenage girl who, like all people in Ohtori, struggle under the system of patriarchy and heterosexuality, and all you see is a wicked, sinister witch, then you may have just fallen into the trap that the narrative had set for you.