#also she cries a lot but i dont want to make that seem like shes weak

[where-is-caithe]

Diophne (Dee-off-nee), she/her, goes by Dee.

I made a cute little sylvari! She cries so much and she has a little cat. She's way different from the usual commander I make and it'll be fun to explore with how she reacts to things.

[orcelito]

Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo

[piplupod]

mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset

[greyskyflowers]

I have a lot of half thoughts about the hell scenes so I'm just going to ramble them out on here and hope they're semi coherent.

1.) I think it's so interesting that Edwin screamed for Charles while he was being taken to hell.

I would bet that Edwin cried for someone his his first trip down to hell too.

I really can't think of who he would have called for specifically. His parents? Maybe. I do think that there's something in everyone that wants the comfort of their mother when they're truely terrified but it doesn't seem like Edwin would have screamed for them. That goes for any siblings too.

He certainly didn't seem to have any friends that he could have cried for. Doesn't necessarily strike me as the type to be close to God but this situation would make a holy man out of anyone. Maybe he just called for every name that crossed his mind. Family, grade school friends, neighbors, teachers, etc.

Regardless, even if he had screamed for them, what would they have done? Who would have answered?

No one. No one answered. No one came. They were never coming.

He was completely alone.

He does scream for Charles though. Charles will always respond. Charles will always come get him.

I dont know, just seems like he screamed this time because he knew someone was listening. He said a name because he knew that person would come.

2.) I wonder if a very small, little sliver of Charles hated Crystal for just a split second when he found Edwin in hell and realized what exactly happens to him down there.

Crystal was very brave to want to come and that's important, she cares and wanted to help. I think that means a lot to Charles and Edwin.

However, she pushed back after she was told no, and that humans couldn't go to hell.

She argued with Charles and it might have been just a few minutes but how many times did Edwin get ripped apart in those few minutes?

That awful pile in the corner says many times.

3.) I'm curious what Edwin being taken back to hell would have looked like if we had followed him instead of staying with Charles.

Did the spider demon wait until it got to those horrid hallways before starting to chase?

Did it throw Edwin in there and muscle memory had him take off running the second his bare feet hit the ground? The demon already behind him and catching up quick.

Was he torn apart and back before he even knew what happened? How many times did it take before it hit him that he's really back?

This particular ones gets me. The idea that he was still in shock from being taken, was killed and back again while still trying to figure out what was even happening is heartbreaking.

If Edwin was torn apart and back before he even realized it, maybe that means it was a quick first death. Maybe the demon spider was too excited to have it's toy back.

I guess when the realization would have hit him that this was real, that he had already started the loop of runhurtagainrunhurtagain, that's what gets me.

Also, how familiar it probably was. How horrible to be so familiar with a certain type of pain that it would have immediately brushed aside all the scattered and chaotic thoughts in his head and narrowed it down to, he's back.

4.) Charles held it together pretty well in hell. Especially because I feel like he was probably furious. Everything in the past few days has been adding to his anger and what's a great way to piss him off even when he's not in a bad mood? Fucking around with Edwin.

The night nurse has made a liar out of him. She called that awful thing to Edwin, as accidental as it might have been, and it took him.

Charles promised that Edwin would not go back to hell. He said he was going to fight whoever and whatever he needed to in order to keep them together and Edwin out of hell.

Edwin is in hell. They're not together anymore.

It happened so quickly and unexpectedly that Charles wasn't able to do anything.

He has broken two promises in the seconds it took the demon spider to grab Edwin and disappear.

When he finds Edwin the second time and he gets the run down of what really happens here, he did this thing while Edwin's hand is still over his mouth where he kind of closes his eyes and nods a few times.

It's like he's telling himself to pull it together. Trying to passively take in the information and doing the equivalent of taking a few deep breathes while incredibly anxious or stressed and forcing yourself to focus on specific things one at a time.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Swallow it all down, all the devastation and fury and fear.

Edwin needs him to be okay and calm because Edwin is absolutely not okay and not calm.

So even though Charles is probably feeling a lot things right now, he swallows it down and says Okay. Let's get you out of here.

Charles is a fixer. He's a protecter. He's a fighter.

He can do none of those things right now. Not really. The only thing he can really do is give Edwin enough hope to run though hell with him.

Add in the later stuff with Esther and Charles has got to be thinking 'how many times do we have to go through this before everyone gets the message and backs the fuck off?'

[romanestuffsposts]

Oksy so it's a very random start rn but last week I was with a friend and she gave me a speacial cookie but didnt told me what in it was so i ate it and started to feel fuzzy and later I was vomiting and had a head ache and stuff and than she told me that it was a space cookie with weed in it. I was so scared when I start to notice that I dont feel good but she just made fun of me. Now i cut the contact and need comfort (when I noticed that I was not feeling good I was walking home and when I was home I was still so scared and crying that I cried in my dads arms crying myself to sleep)

Daddy stucky x little reader where she was in the same Situation and they found her crying, scared and throwing up with much comfort ❤️❤️

Hi there love! 💜

First of all I’m so so sorry that it happened to you. You are the only one who can make the decision for yourself, if you want to take a space cookie then it has to come from you and no one else ! It’s just respect. It made me so mad when I read what you send me, not mad at you but mad at your friend (who is really not a good friend btw). I can totally understand how you felt afterward and how betrayed you must have felt.

I once took a space cookie at a party at my cousin’s house and I saw everyone laughing and running everywhere while I was on my chair, completely lost. I moved my eyes from left to right and I had the feeling that the world was spinning. It wasn’t really fun because I didn’t enjoy my night because of that (two hours after I ate it I was in bed imao). But it was my choice, I was with people I trust and I wanted to take it. That’s the difference. I felt sick too (probably because it’s was the fist time I ate weed- I already smoke it but not eating it) but it was my decision.

Those kind of experience can’t come from anyone else but you. That’s just how it is and nothing else is acceptable.

I hope you recover from that horrible experience sweetie, you’re so strong and I’m so happy for you that you had your dad to comfort you. Be careful my love <3

I hope you like how I wrote this fic, lots of love babe ❤️

****

warnings : mention of drugs, taking drugs against your will, feeling dizzy and sick, comfort, reassurance, trust issues, pet names, paci

Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : you didn’t chose your friends correctly

****

You always had a hard time making friends. Not because you’re a bad person or because you’re mean to everyone that look at you but because you’re discreet, you’re shy and you’re scared to go to people.

But once you make a friend, you’re ready to do everything for that person. You’re that kind of friend, the one who gave the half of your meal if your friend doesn’t have anything to eat. Your the kind of friend that will sleep on the floor so the other sleep in your bed. You’re the kind of friend that pardon everyone because for you, everyone can have a second chance. Mistakes happen

Mistakes..

You wouldn’t call it a mistake this time tho.

You were enjoying a sleepover at your friend’s house, everything went good, you were having fun and you even made new friends that were also invited. One of them came with a plate of cookies and you can’t lie and say you hadn’t thought of them all evening.

Apparently they knew each others for years and at first that scared you but once you met them your nerves actually relax a bit. They’re used to do things together and lived plenty life experience together while you did it alone but that’s fine, you’re here now, you’re with them so everything is good.

Around 11pm, the one that came with the cookies open the box and give one to everyone. Everyone seemed excited and you didn’t question it because you were too, not for the same reasons tho.

You ate that cookie so fast that your stomach isn’t really happen. You went to grab another one when your friend stop you ‘’wait just a few minutes before taking another, trust me’’ she winks

Trust me

You shrug it off and went back to playing, you were enjoying the night when all of a sudden, everyone start to be a little bit weird, too weird to your liking.

The more you try to understand why one of the guy is laughing hard just because he has a fly on his drink, or why your friend has a hard time opening her red eyes that you start to feel weird too.

You stand up thinking you needed water but soon realised that mistake. Once your butt leave the seat, it feels like the world start spinning around you. You look around you, scared and lost, everyone were enjoying their time while you just wanted to crawl in bed and recover.

You tried to go to your friend but when she wasn’t ghosting you she was just telling you that it was fine that you didn’t needed to worry about anything and just enjoying the feeling.

You didn’t felt listen or understood at all and that alone make you feel even more sick. With all the strength you can get, you pick up your bag and leave the house.

You live a few blocks away from your friend- ex friend, so you decide to walk home, not really knowing what to do else. You don’t know if your Daddies are home or if they took advantage of the fact that you were away to do something together.

While walking home you start crying, you felt betrayed, you may not be the most thoughtful girl but you’re definitely not stupid, you know there was something in the cookie, you just didn’t realised it on time.

You’re relieved to see your door’s house and has a warm feeling in your chest once you close it behind you. As the click of the door closing is heard, your back fall onto it and you slide down the door, until your touching the ground.

You soon hear footsteps coming toward where you are ‘’baby ?’’ Your Papa walk toward you and kneels down ‘’what are you doing here ?’’

‘’is everything okay, baby girl ?’’ Your Daddy asks as well. You shake your head, tears sliding down your face.

Your Papa rests his hand against your cheek ‘’take deep breath, love. You’re at home, with us, nothing can harm you here’’

You take shaky breathes and squeeze your hands ‘’baby tell us what’s wrong’’

‘’I- I didn wanted to. I just wanted cookie, I promise I didn k-know’’ you cry harder.

‘’Hey hey shhh, it’s okay little one, keep taking deep breathes we won’t get mad at you’’ your Daddy reassures you.

‘’I feel bad’’ you cry and wipe your eye with the back of your hand

‘’How do you feel bad ?’’ Your Papa asks, taking your hand away from your eye. He hates when you do that because you’re always too harsh with yourself and he doesn’t want you to get hurt ‘’explain to us’’

You sob ‘’I don know i-‘’ you breath out ‘’everything is spinning and- and i tired’’ you whine.

Your Daddies look at each other, it doesn’t take them a long time to connect about what had happened. You talked about cookies and then feeling bad and finally everything is spinning. They immediately understood.

Your Daddy stand up and lifts you up in his arms, you immediately roll yourself around him. He waits until your Papa finishes removing your shoes and sockets before going to the couch. He sits down and rests you on his laps ‘’it’s okay my love, you went through something you shouldn’t have to without your consent but you’ll be fine’’

‘’nothing will happen to you, you’ll feel bad for a few more hours but that’s all’’ he kisses your forehead ‘’papa will be back soon with a glass of water, it’ll make you feel better’’

‘’Close your eyes babydoll, the world will not spinning as much as it does when your eyes are open’’ he quietly says, his fingers sliding down your hair to calm you down

‘’Here princess’’ your Papa sits on the couch and help you drinking the water. The fresh liquid that slide down your throat help at making you feel more relax and calm, just like your Daddy said it would.

He takes your feet on his laps and gently rubs them while speaking softly to you. Your eyes are still close but your other senses are multiplying, the touches of your Daddies help at calming your nerve and the reassurance behind the truth your Daddy said earlier about you closing your eyes and the water thing is really good at relaxing you.

‘’How about you sleep with us tonight ?’’

They know you’re not in a big danger but it reassure them too if you were with them for the night.

You nod your head and before you can put your finger in your mouth, your Daddy slides your paci in it.

‘’We won’t let her hang out with these people, right ?’’ Your Daddy asks as his eyes wonder around your sleepy face.

‘’As if she would want to hang out with them again’’ your Papa scoffs as his hands still rubs your cold feet

[omgwhatchloe]

but what if i ask really nicely for more into on brain injury sean au

then i suppose…IF YOU INSIST…i might be compelled…

-first things first in this au sean has to change where EXACTLY he was walking on the ground on rhodes to alter where the bullet goes. one tiny half-step to the right when he turns, along with the shooter aiming just that tiny bit higher, and he gets shot through the skull, but survives.

now im not going to go into a lot of detail about where the bullet is in the brain and why he is reacting like this etc etc because even after research i dont know the ins and outs of it, so we’ll focus a lot more on his behaviour.

-so after the position of the shot is altered, they all expect him to be dead. miraculously, he is still alive on the floor of rhodes, but heavily unconscious. he is unconscious for two and a half weeks after they try their best to heal him. poor leopold strauss was NOT about to do any brain surgery and the bullet had to be left there. when he actually woke up, everyone was relieved and crowding him. however, he didnt say a word, he barely looked at them. he just laid where he was, staring, until they started to help him up and try to speak to him. within a few days, he had healed to his limit, meaning he could walk and start to move very uncoordinated.

-sean mumbles a lot unintelligibly to no one in particular. he doesnt speak intelligibly or respond when he’s spoken too, he doesnt even know someone is speaking to him. he opens his mouth when they try to feed him but wont make a single effort to feed himself as if he doesnt know how too. sometimes he can refuse to chew if he doesnt like the texture or taste, which is very often. he chews and swallows to fast, and it causes worry he will choke himself. he can technically walk but will not unless someone is actively moving him from one spot to another, so he has no urges to take care of himself and would spend all his time staring and mumbling if alone. he does sometimes reach his arms up to push at the people around him (not hard at all) but this pretty much means nothing, it doesnt mean he wants them to leave or is showing any sort of affection. when he gets angry suddenly, which can be often, he yells and hits (not very well) the people around him trying to calm him down. he can be calmed by having his face stroked, interestingly he doesnt care who does it. he cries too, when his mouth is being burnt by the food or he is just uncomfortable, like after an accident in which no one has tried to help him. when he cries, it can either be just completely silent tears like he doesnt know hes crying, or it can be accompanied by wailing.

-he also clenches his fists, pushes things in front of him around, pulls his own or others hair, kicks the dirt under him and chews when theres nothing in his mouth absentmindedly.

-of course, the gang are not caregivers. theyre murderers, outlaws or just very uneducated people. they try their best to take care of him for the first week after he wakes up, but sean has multiple accidents because no one tries to help him with ‘using the bathroom’ (well not really using a bathroom because theyre in the woods but yk what i mean). they have things they need to do and a lot of their plates are full even without sean, no one particularly WANTS to care for him, as awful as it may seem. they become easily frustrated at the complete lack of cooperation from him, even if it isnt his fault. they also become angry at each other around the whole situation.

-when sean gets upset or ignored in someone elses care, they rush to blame and berate each other about it. but the big elephant in the room is they do not want to be his caregiver, no one does. karen tried her best, but got quickly frustrated and angry at him, causing him to cry when yelled at (this was because it was a loud noise close to him, absolutely nothing to do with what she was saying). lenny got angry at her, and took over, only for find himself incredibly tired and frustrated within a few hours. despite being his partners/ex-partners, they feel helpless with him. they dont know why hes upset or what he wants most of the time, which means they cant help him. after a few days of lenny trying to help sean, prevent accidents, watch over him, cleaning him up, he actually walked out of camp. he spent a few days alone in the quiet because he genuinely couldn’t stand the camp or caring for sean anymore.

-he loved sean so much, but he couldnt stand the mumbling and the whining and the constant taps and hits. it was overwhelming, and he realised he couldnt do it. he couldn’t be his caregiver, he knew karen couldnt, he knew the women of the camp couldnt because they simply didnt know how too and got frustrated too. the men of the camp would never…so who? thats when he started to realise, along with everyone else, sean could not stay with them like this.

-so where would he go? that was the conversation, with many different arguments. only a few argued they could keep sean, but they were easily persuaded to change their minds. there was unfair suggestions, like dumping him on the side of the road. that was from micah, and he had the support of john, uncle and bill. eventually they decided he needed to be taken to an asylum or left at a state hospital, as sending him somewhere he’d be actually looked after was expensive and not guaranteed. micah had also suggested putting him down but was thankfully denied.

-lenny debating leaving with sean, becoming his caregiver, and he was really going to do it, until he actually cared for sean again for the next day and could barely leave him for a second. when he finally napped, lenny realised he himself had barely eaten, he hadnt touched his books, done his hair, or had any time for himself since he’d disappeared. god he wanted to care for sean but he just couldnt. the vision of their cottage he made up, where he cared for sean happily…while actually being happy…was unrealistic he realised. he’d always be angry and bored, and couldnt trust himself not to run away. he loved sean, he really did, he still wanted to cup his face and hold him close, but he couldn’t. a vital part of their previous relationship was dead with seans condition, and the rest was dying. sean didnt even recognise lenny, or any of them. he knew that for a fact because micah had bothered sean to get under his skin, sitting near him and trying to get his attention, and sean didnt react.

-the day before arthur was going to take him to a state hospital, their attitudes towards him changed. they had less frustration, more motivation, because they knew it was the last time theyd see and care for him. it made them feel a little uneasy when they thought of where he’d end up, with lenny feeling the worst about it. he still debated taking him and leaving the gang, but he knew he couldnt. he knew it would be the end of his life, his freedom, if he tried to care for him alone. but god the whole thing was killing him.

-they fed sean peaches, which he actually almost seemed to enjoy. he didnt spit anything out, though still lightly hit whoever was feeding him. he had no accidents that day, and napped mostly. he sat with the girls while they tidied him up, and spoke to him (with no response back). lenny read to him, even if he showed absolutely no interest and stared away from him. that night, they had a goodbye party and all actually paid attention to him, yes, dealing with him was easy that day, but that was because he was their main focus when normally he is not.

-ok lets end on a fluffy note where he sits with arthur and ‘watches’ his sketch. he enjoys the sound of the pencil against the pages, and seems to be almost smiling. they think he likes the sound of javier’s guitar, as he plays him a song. bill tries to give him whisky but is told no, but they do laugh when he tries too. lenny puts his arm around him and shifts his position so sean is cuddling into him. he falls asleep like that.

-he wakes the next day being kissed goodbye on the forehead by the girls as hes placed into the wagon. lenny sits in the back with him, holding him close. karen could barely bring herself to say goodbye. hosea and arthur drive, with hosea telling stories about sean when he first joined, especially his favourite, where sean got caught cheating at cards and stormed off to his bedroll. they had to lure him out and convince him to play again, and they promised to actually teach him how to play (as arthur had lied multiple times to him about the rules so he could win, poor sean didnt even know he was cheating.)

-they then arrive at the hospital, in ‘desperate need of aid as their friend has a bullet trapped in his head’.

[dollyhao]

ameliorate; to make better

pairing: dina x reader

summary: dina is overwhelmed by all the things that happened in seattle…. and ellie, and being a single mother doesn’t make it any easier. when a sweet woman comes to make her life easier...better.

toni's note: there's nothing to warn about besides a bit angst, it doesn't really get angsty till the next part. im hoping i can make this into 3 parts. thank you for 800 followers by the way!

word count: 1k

you hear the sound of a wailing baby as you make your way back home, you follow the sound. you cant be too sure about these kinda things, what if something bad happened. you stumble upon dina rocking baby jj in a rocking chair on her porch, shushing him trying to console him. dina looks tired and overwhelmed, dark circles under her eyes and unbrushed hair.

you approach her gently not wanting to startle her, “hey, can i try?” you give her a gentle smile pointing at jj. dina tucks a piece of hair behind her ear nodding, “y-yea sure. you can try, hes been crying a lot lately.” you reach for jj bouncing and rocking in a comforting rhythm, chanting soft shushes. jj quiets down letting out a calm gurgle. you look back up at dina seeing her rub her hands down her face in an exhausted manner.

she chuckles, “i cant even get my son to be quiet let alone sleep, ellie was really good at that..” she puts her elbows on her knees putting her face in her hands. you stay quiet letting her have her moment, still rocking jj as he starts to doze off. dina seems to regroup, looking back up at you curiously, “would you like to come in? its getting cold out here.” dina offers standing up. “yea, thanks.”

dina walks into the house and you follow, “no. thank you. i appreciate what you did. “ “where’s his bed?” you ask now that jj is fast asleep. “he sleeps with me, the room is down the hall.” you go to the room, laying jj down, making sure hes comfortable before leaving the room. dina is in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, “would you like some?” she glances at you over her shoulder. “yes please.” you stand awkwardly, hands in your back pockets swaying a little. she nods over to the living room with 2 cups in her hands. you follow taking a seat on the couch as she hands you a cup.

you thank her, taking a sip. “are you new to jackson? i dont remember ever seeing you before.” you chuckle, “no im not new, ive been here for years now.” you give a shy smile. “oh im sorry, i cant believe ive never noticed you.” “its fine. i preferred to stay to myself anyway. i work at the school. im a teacher,” you sit your cup down looking at her, “i always wanted to approach you, i thought you were beautiful. but you were dating jesse and then after you and jesse broke up, you and ellie made a nice little scene at the party.” you chuckle watching her face flush slightly. “also, im sorry about jesse…. and ellie.” she nods, quiet for a minute before replying. “thank you, for the jesse and ellie thing… and for calling me beautiful.” you smile at her.

you look outside seeing how dark it was getting, “i should get going.” you say standing up. dina stands up too, “thank you again. he probably would’ve cried through the night.” “of course, just let me know if you need my help again. ill be happy to help.” you walk backwards as you talk smiling at her until you run into a wall. “ah, shit..” you say rubbing the back of your head. dina laughs and follows you to the door as you turn around and walk correctly. “ill be sure to ask for your help again.” she says giving you a soft, genuine smile.

a week later, you walk into the dining hall as maria is walking out, “hey maria, is there anything you needed from me?” you wanted to make sure there wasn’t something you were suppose to be doing that you forgot about. “no. nothing that i can remember. im about to take this to dina, i wanna make sure shes staying fed.” “ill take it to her!” you say a little too eagerly for your taste. for the last week, you’ve been trying to find any excuse to visit dina and jj when you weren’t busy. dina doesn’t seem to ever object to the company. she appreciates you coming around and talking to her and playing with the baby. so when this opportunity pops up, of course your gonna take it. “let me grab myself a plate and ill take hers to her.” you say taking the plate out her hands. “well ok. thank you.” you smile before walking away.

you get to dina’s door knocking with the two plates in your hands. dina opens the door looking a little breathless, “oh, hey.” she gives you one of her soft smiles shes been giving you quite a lot. “hey, i brought you food. not sure if you ate or not.” “right.. food. i definitely forgot to eat. “ she says rubbing a hand through her hair. she gives another small smile, but this one doesn’t reach her eyes. “thats ok. i have food for you, lets not dwell to much on a honest mistake. k?” she nods. you hear a baby cry in the background, “i see you have two plates. wanna come in and eat? i was just feeding jj.” “id love to” you respond walking in.

you guys walk to the dining table where you find jj in a high chair. “hey baby boy!” you say tickling his belly, he lets out a squeal/giggle. you and dina sit on either sides of him after a minute, you see dina subtly go to smell herself. she lets out a wince, “um do you mind feeding him while i go take a shower.” you nod, “of course.” you say as you slide his food bowl over to yourself. you give dina a reassuring smile letting her know its ok.

when dina gets out the shower and is dressed, she walks in the living room while brushing her hair seeing you and jj on the carpet in her living room playing. she smiles, it felt good being able to enjoy a shower without rushing out to jj. she trusts you with jj almost the way she trusted ellie with him. yall look her way, both you and jj smiling at her. she comes and joins, both of you enjoying the sweet giggles of the cute baby.

(part 1)

[jaemified]

major, minor, and the things in between - nishimura riki

"are we friends, lovers, or whatevers in between?"

pairing ; nishimura riki x fem!reader

genre ; slice of life, enemies to lovers-ish (y/ns mean to riki smh), romance, drama, fluff, small angst, non idol au

warnings ; swearing, drinking, brief mention of blood (someone gets cut), mention of offing yourself but its just niki making a joke

wordcount ; 7.0k

synopsis ; though never quite well acquainted, sim y/n had always felt strongly against nishimura riki, until her brother jake had forced them to get along. but, what was meant to have them get closer turns into something a little more.

note (5/29) - there isnt rlly much mention of jake/nikis actual siblings but for one scene theirs like additional (baby) siblings

note (7/10) - its finally here!! im a little upset it took me 2 months to write 7k since i used to be able to write 4k in 8hrs but summer has been kicking my ass so im glad its out despite being 10 days past release date

taglist 🏷️ ; @stinkoscope @asyleums

read below the cut !

"'when im with you, i.. im so happy. i like you, na bora!' 'i like you. i like you too! i really really like you!'" y/n cried at her computer screen, rewatching 20th century girl for the 2nd time this week, before being so rudely interrupted by her brothers presence, bugging her with the same, repetitive question. the same question hes been asking for years on end now.

"the guys are coming over and of course you know niki is gonna be here as well. i want you to talk to him. why cant you just be friends?"

"id appreciate it a lot if youd leave, this is my space."

"i dont know if you noticed, but this is a small flat with not much room to move around. its not only you living here you know." jake reminded.

of course y/n knew there was limited space, she knew the moment she first realized she had already circled about the unit, trying to escape her brothers nagging.

"if you know theres not enough room for you and me then what makes you think theres room to accommodate an additional 6 other grown ass men. go to your room, im doing homework.'

'annoying..'

"you were literally just crying watching 20th century girl milliseconds before i walked in, and im not asking much y/n! all i want is for you to talk to him, even pretend like youre getting along, thats it!" jake remarked, before catching the pillow y/n attempted to throw at his face.

'so damn annoying.' y/n thought, growing more and more annoyed by her brothers constant nagging as each second passed.

"whats so hard about getting along with niki? hes a good kid!" jake complained. since his little sister couldnt get along with one of his best friends, it made even the intimate gatherings.. unpleasantly awkward.

"hes annoying, like you are being right now."

"no, why do you really hate him so much."

"i dont know! he just reminds me of someone i guess? and he always cheated on projects back in middle school. even stole my ideas so he could make it look like im in the wrong."

"thats it? youre holding a grudge over him just being a middle school kid from, what, 5 years ago? cmon, theres gotta be something better then that. not to mention even if there wasnt, that makes you sound hella dumb holding a grudge from the 7th grade when youre graduating next year."

y/n thought to herself. of course there was another reason, but it seemed unnecessary to bring up. and she also just didnt want to share it with jake. or maybe, it wasnt the right reason after all.

"well hes cocky as hell and is still a better dancer, basketball player, volleyball player then i, not to mention ive been playing longer and layla likes him more then she likes me!"

"thats your fault youre never home, laylas just more used to him. and me. i am clearly her favorite between you and i."

"more like his fault hes practically living in my apartment cause hes never at his own home. and how can she be more used to him when ive known her since way before she met riki.."

"tough luck." jake pat y/n on the head on his way out before shutting the door.

__________________________________________

the sound of the doorbell awoke y/n from her, well, what was meant to be a quick nap (which later turned into a 4 hour sleep). just as she slowly got out of bed to answer it, she heard jake yell from down the hall, "ive got it! make sure you dont look stupid or anything in front of my friends!"

she rolled her eyes and climbed back into bed, thinking about her outfit. standard pajamas, plaid shorts and a black tee (which probably wasnt even hers). she thought about how the one person out of the 6 she didnt want to see would be out there. truth be told, even she herself didnt know the best explanation as to why she hated riki so much. y/n figured it was because of a little mishap back during freshmen year and she just couldnt bring herself to apologize for everything that had been said during that time, so she forced herself to continue hating him. 'yeah, seems about right.'

the sound of the door opening caught her attention and the next thing she knew, there was a boy in a cream essentials hoodie jumping onto her.

"oh shit, what the f-"

"hi y/nnn!" sunoo smiled, carefully getting off his best friend.

y/n was in joy once she realized who it was, and brought him into a tight hug.

"hey sunoo! god it feels like forever since i last saw you!"

it was really only a week.

"i know right! its been too long!"

she smiled, no matter what mood she was in, sunoo always was the sunshine in the rain.

"so, whos here?"

"oh, you know the usual. sunghoon, heeseung, jake, and jay hyung. niki and jungwon are supposed to be setting up something in the courtyard."

"setting up what?"

"a volleyball net. jake was on nikis ass all week and wanted him to 1v1 you while we all played basketball. jungwon just wanted to help however he could, hes been tired all week from his job and the dance program."

no fucking way.

"youre saying i have to be alone, with nishimura riki? hell no!"

"isnt it great?" "this is a disaster!" they both exclaimed in unison.

"how is that bad?" "how is this good?!"

sunoo signaled for y/n to continue first. "i just cant stand riki. jakes been on my ass to talk to him but i didnt think hed actually talk to him, or that hed even listen either."

"seriously? i always thought you had a thing for him. i mean, you look good together, you both share mainly the same interests, mainly the same circle, not to mention the undeniable love you have when your eyes meet-"

"okay thats enough! you know what, how bout we go outside, im hungry anyway."

sunoo shrugged and went along with y/n down the hall.

he was slightly surprised when he saw niki and jungwon sitting on the couch, having a sip of their drinks.

"back already? i thought you were setting up the nets."

"yeah, but it was easier then expected. and we didnt even need to go to the lobby for the stuff. it was all already in the courtyard." jungwon told the two with a smile, proud of their work.

"y/n." niki looked at her with that stupid grin she had always hated.

"nishimura."

"i didnt know youd be here." he observed, ignoring how she had addressed him by his last name instead of niki, or riki.

she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"i live here dipshit. you think id run away just cause i knew you were coming?"

niki got up from his seat and walked closer, and closer, until their faces were mere centimeters away.

"just like you ran from all our problems in freshmen year huh?"

"you realize it was all because of what you did, dont you?"

it took niki a minute to notice how close they were. he looked down at her lips before realizing what sunoo and jungwon were saying in the background. "are they about to kiss?"

"hell no!" y/n and niki both yelled out in unison, quickly pushing away from each other.

"whatever. i need to use the bathroom, i cant stand seeing your face." she remarked to niki.

as soon as y/n closed the bathroom door, she let out a breath she never knew she was holding in, slowly trying to register what had just happened. 'did i really almost kiss him.'

minutes after being stuck in the bathroom for so long, she left and walked into the main living space, only to notice everyone was gone.

well, almost everyone.

"are you serious."

y/n dryly stared at the boy sitting on her couch, in her spot, watching her favorite show.

"i forgot you were still here." niki yawned.

"where is everyone?"

"did you seriously not hear them say theyre gonna get food and that theyll be back in.. three hours or more?"

"three hours or more? it does not take that long to get food, youre fucking with me." y/n walked into hers and jakes individual bedrooms to see if anyone was hiding from her, to her dismay, niki wasnt lying.

"it does if youre getting food from busan."

"why the fuck are they going all the way to busan for food??"

"language! my young ears cant take this!"

"shut up nishimura youre only 11 days younger."

"more like 11 years at heart cause you act like a grumpy old lady all the time.."

"whatd you just call me?"

"nothing!"

"so why are they going all the way to busan for food again?" y/n reminded, getting niki back on track.

"cause they got a friend whos house is down there and hes in town for the weekend, they said theyll bring us home our own order."

y/n walked into the kitchen, rummaging for food.

"what are you doing now?"

"looking for food, im gonna die if i see your ugly ass face any longer."

"what are you on about 'ugly'? girls at school love this face."

"and apparently you loved those girls too much in return.."

niki got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen bar, sitting down. "are you still mad at me about that?"

she stopped what she was doing and looked at niki, not saying anything, hoping it was enough of an answer.

"so you are." 'so he isnt all that dumb'

"look, i didnt know she had bad intentions, and you were right, i shouldve listened to you. but you really have to stop avoiding me. how was i supposed to tell you i didnt realize what she was trying to do if you keep running away?"

"how do you not realize no matter how many times i warned you?"

"i thought you did it because you were jealous."

"i did it because i loved you!"

niki froze, thinking he was crazy, thinking maybe he hadnt heard right.

"you what?"

"past tense. loved, not love. and how could you think so badly of me? we were supposed to trust each other, always tell the truth, and you thought i told you she would end up using you was because you thought i was jealous? how could you?"

he sighed, thinking about what he had done, realizing how badly he had mistreated y/n in the past, realizing there was no reversing it. he walked into the kitchen where y/n was, backing her into the corner as the kitchen was just as small as the apartment itself.

"get away from me!" she yelled, throwing ramen packet after ramen packet at niki.

"no. i know i havent been the best to you-" "more like you know youve been the worst."

niki glared at y/n.

"-and i know theres no reversing it. i realize i cant undo the past, but what i can do, is fix our future. i want to show you i can be better to you then i was then. we can be what we used to be before, us. our spark."

"there is no us, or we, or, our. but maybe just you, caught up in your daydreams." y/n pushed niki out the way, and walked out the kitchen, not noticing she was slowly being followed.

"i loved you too you know. except for the fact that i still do."

"can you just please leave." she turned around, now facing him.

her vision blurred, head dizzy, face stained, all as her glass like tears trickled down her cheeks.

"hey, its okay. dont cry."

"get away from me!"

niki attempted to hug y/n as she fought against him, trying to run from his grasp, struggling to no avail. she eventually fell still in his hold, forgetting its natural warmth and comfort.

"im sorry for everything." was the last thing y/n heard before falling asleep, growing tired and stressed from everything that had just happened.

__________________________________________

it was late at night by the time everyone else had come back, 2am to be exact. traffic was unusually heavy though it was a saturday night, not to mention the designated driver and his understudy (heeseung and sunghoon. yikes, scary night) ended up being the most wasted while everyone else was still tipsy. poor jungwon, still tired from a 4 hour nap after being on 2 hours of sleep all day, had to drive everyone through the slow traffic.

jake, who was slightly sobering up, turned on the lights in the dark room and dimmed them as his head was still throbbing. he walked into the living room and saw y/n, fast asleep with her head on nikis shoulder with his arm around her as he finished the rest of avengers endgame.

jake knew his sister well enough to know she had been crying once he focused on her puffy red eyes. but, it was a sweet moment, y/n was passed out, niki was barely conscious, and everyone was painfully drunk or achey. he figured he would just yell at riki for whatever happened in the morning.

sunghoon and heeseung ran into the kitchen (as best they could without tipping over) for water, jungwon had knocked out as soon as he sat down in the chair next to y/n, jay was busy trying to figure out how to use jakes water filter, and sunoo was sitting at the kitchen bar eating a pudding cup.

jay called for jakes help, just as his eyes had fluttered shut. begrudgingly so, jake got up and helped the three boys it the kitchen. "you press the bottom button, not the top button. the top is for ice."

"thanks." "yeah whatever."

"i know youre tired hyung, but so are we. where are we all supposed to sleep?" sunoo quietly asked, putting his hand on jakes shoulder.

he thought, looking at the three sprawled out in the living room, and the three bubbling nonsense in the kitchen. "jay and sunghoon can stay with me, ill move niki and y/n to her room, you can stay in the living room with jungwon and heeseung hyung. but move jungwon to the couch since he drove everyone."

"thanks-" sunoo cut himself off as he heard the sound of jakes receding footsteps.

__________________________________________

morning came, and though it wasnt a good one, y/n wanted to remedy that. or, remedy the nasty hangover she knew everyone would be experiencing.

she had woken up with her eyes puffy and red, and even though she didnt want to get up she knew she would have to eventually.

"is that hangover soup i smell?" jake asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he walked out his room.

"well i know riki doesnt know how to cook and jungwons still asleep. so who else would be making it?" y/n flashed a tired smile, pouring a serving for jake.

"so, why were you crying last night? and dont say you werent or that you just didnt sleep well. ive lived with you long enough now to tell the difference between your 'i didnt get enough sleep' eyes, and your 'i was crying pretty hard' eyes." he interrogated as he took a big sip of the soup. so good he almost felt better already.

"what did he tell you? or were you watching me?"

"he didnt tell me anything, he was already asleep by the time we came back. i just saw the look on your face and knew."

"just reminiscing on some bad times is all."

jake raised a brow at his sister, taking another sip.

"you dont have to tell me now if you dont want to. but i do want to hear about everything. later. when my head isnt pounding like when i heard mom push you out in the emergency room. after i take a nap. and when youve bought jungwon some coffee."

"me? why do i have to buy him coffee? im not the one who drove him because the designated drivers were too wasted."

"we typically treat him to an iced americano since hes always up taking care of us when were drunk, but we havent gotten this wasted in a while. and he spent so long getting sunghoon out the house, not to mention the long drive to the point he ended up falling asleep as soon as we got back."

y/n thought about it before mumbling a, "tough luck" to jake, patting him on the back before walking into her bedroom.

she was met with the sight of niki making the bed as she walked in. "when did you wake up?" she quietly asked.

"not too long ago, you?"

"about an hour ago. i had to cook for them."

"ah. did you sleep well? i know sleeping upright on the couch mustve been a lot less comfortable then this."

"i guess. i dont remember waking up to walk here though. jake probably carried me."

"he was way wasted, snoring loudly way before i woke up. how else do you think you got here?"

it took a minute for it to click in y/ns mind when she realized it was niki who took her to the room and slept next to her. this whole time, she thought it was her brother who lent his own room to his friends.

"of course not, he just asked me to help or make sure you got to bed safely and that i could stay with you since there was nowhere else."

'that bastard.. ill kill him one of these days. im surprised i havent already.' she spoke to herself in her head.

"so. are we good now?" niki questioned, walking over to the other side of the room.

"how can you ask me such a thing after making me relive one of the worst memories of high school ive ever had?"

"it wasnt my intention. i was just trying to explain-" "theres nothing to explain when i had already given you multiple warnings. thats on you."

y/n threw a pillow at niki and walked away, back outside.

"what was that all about?" sunghoon asked, taking a sip of the coffee he had just made. 'where did he get silk pajamas from. are- are those mine?'

"what?"

"not to bother, but i mean, you were kind of yelling." heeseung explained to y/n.

she let out a sigh, rubbing her forehead in stress.

"i dont want to talk about it right now. i- actually. you know what? ill be back."

"where are you going?" sunoo asked y/n, following her to her room just as niki walked out.

"somewhere, not sure yet. dont follow me."

"i wont, i know how much you value your alone time but- oh youre changing. hold on ill turn around. but please be safe. when will you be back?"

sunoo turned back around and saw she had changed into beige cargos and a white crop top. realizing he was staring, he looked around the room, before a certain picture caught his eyes. he walked closer to get a better look. it was baby jake feeding yogurt to baby y/n. 'awe, they were always close werent they.' he hadnt even realized y/n was talking to him, and by the time he faced where y/n was standing, she had already left out the front door.

y/n🤨; srry, u were so immersed in that picture of jake and i as kids, but i rlly wanted to leave. i cant handle being around niki. see u l8r

sunoo😴 ; no worries, have fun, stay safe, and dont take any candy from strangers lol

__________________________________________

y/n drives to her favorite cafe she always used to visit with her brother, mama han's. she sits down at the bar and scrolls deep into her camera roll, coming across some mundane memories of her and riki back when they were close.

"what can i get you, hun?" the waitress, jiwoo, asked with a small grin. she didnt look to be any younger than 40 something now, compared to the last time she visited the spot. jiwoo was always the waitress here, even served the two frequently in their childhood when they visited from australia.

"just a vanilla shake is all. extra whip please."

"sweetie, arent you lactose? it must be pretty bad if you want extra dairy."

"yeah, it is. but, im not comfortable talking about it at the moment if thats alright."

"of course it is. just hope youre doing okay." jiwoo pat y/n on the shoulder, before reaching down to get the ingredients.

"hows your brother? havent seen either one of you in a while."

"hes well, a little hungover, but hes fine."

jiwoo laughed as she poured milk into the blender. "of course. what more to expect from your brother. well, how are you? i realized i didnt really ask."

"im alright. and, do you remember niki?"

"little niki from when you were kids? the one you used to like- oh dear, dont tell me hes the reason as to why youre so down?"

"long story, but yeah. its fine though, ill deal with it. but what about you, whats going on? did you ever pursue your dream as an actress?"

"no, and i regret not going for it. i didnt get to be in stairway to heaven, but shinhye and taehee did though. which is why you need to go for what you want, otherwise you really will regret it." jiwoo advised, adding the cherry on top of the extra whip prior to sliding the glass over to y/n.

"so i should forgive him?"

"if its what you want. though i dont know the backstory, i do know that as long as its something you want then its worth a shot. the worst he can say is no, you know?"

"yeah.. oh and jiwoo, can i get a chocolate shake to go?"

"no problem, just give me 4 minutes. and- oh dont worry about it, put your card away! its on the house."

___________________________________________

y/n heard her phone buzz in the center console as she pulled into an empty parking lot. she turned the engine off the car and pulled out her phone.

sim jaeyun ; Can you come home

Y/n Sim ; can u stop using caps

sim jaeyun ; I don't think it matters but okay

sim jaeyun ; can you stop disappearing whenever you're mad at someone

Y/n Sim ; can you change my name so its not in caps

sim jaeyun ; can you stop changing the topic and just drive back because niki wants to talk to you and i was getting worried

Y/n Sim ; can u change my name

'sim jaeyun' has changed your display name to 'y/n sim'

y/n sim ; i bought u a shake from jiwoos

sim jaeyun ; no you didn't she probably got it to you for free

y/n sim ; cz im her fav sim

sim jaeyun ; im going to tell all the guys about how you pissed yourself at disneyland on splash mountain

y/n sim ; driving home rn

sim jaeyun ; no texting while driving love u

y/n sim ; lyt

she let out a small laugh at her brothers texts. she quickly got out the car, taking some pictures of the sunset for her instagram, and posting it, before driving out as the milkshake was beginning to melt.

niki got the alert y/n had posted and pressed the notification at the top of his screen. he didnt miss how the caption referenced wave to earth as it was always their favorite band to listen to together.

@/05sim_y/nn ; how can my day be bad when im with u? - [9m ago]

liked by @/02sim_ikeuu, @/suniskim, and 99 others - 20 comments

@/rikimura has liked this post ! [now]

___________________________________________

after getting back home and taking a relaxing shower (thanks to everyone leaving 2 hours prior), y/n had continued to keep herself up at night for the past week before deciding it was time to talk to riki.

she pushed her feelings aside, waking up on a random wednesday morning at the crack of dawn then randomly told herself 'ive got to do this, for my brothers sake and our friend group.' (or so she unconvincingly tried to convince herself, but thats already another thing she didnt want to get into at the moment) y/n quickly threw on whatever clothes she could gather laying about the floor, then ran to grab her car keys and hurry out the door.

as soon as she swung the big piece of metal open, she was met with the familiar sight of nishimura riki knowing when hes done wrong, his guilty face, with his hand raised and ready to knock.

"what are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn?"

"what are you doing ready to run out your apartment like its the olympics as the ass crack of dawn?" he responded to her question with a question, with the intent of knowing how much she hated it.

"actually, i was about to leave to see you. i think its time we had a talk. you know, after my.. moment, that i had last week."

"yeah. i know. its not your fault i realize now, or, im telling you that but ive realized it since the moment i lost you. i think-"

niki was interrupted by jake shouting from across the flat, "if youre gonna finally have this talk i think you should go somewhere else! can you leave soon? 'cause my girlfriends gonna come over at like 12!"

"i seriously doubt any place is open for us to be going to at 5:41 in the morning." y/n yelled in response.

"you know well mama han's is open now, and jiwoo works day and night, just go there so i can be alone!" "for 7 hours?"

niki laughed in response as he registered what jake and y/n were arguing over.

"what girlfriend?-" "-talking stage, technically, but he says theyre dating because she accidentally kissed his cheek on their first date when reaching to grab something near him."

"i remember her lips on my skin like it was yesterday, meanwhile you have yet to kiss niki." jake scoffed in english, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue with his accent before walking closer towards where y/n was standing.

"gross. if anything her accidentally very barely brushing her lips against your stupid face is the only action youll ever be getting if you keep trying to get rid of your one and only favorite little sister." y/n muttered in response, slightly ignoring niki muttering about how he thinks y/ns accent sounds cute.

"really?"

-

and so y/n found herself driving to mama han's cafe with niki after jake called their eldest brother, complaining she should listen to him because shes younger and if she wouldnt listen to jake himself then maybe she would listen to her older-older brother.

"you should listen to your older siblings but jake, if you had someone coming over you shouldve told her in advance. and what are you even gonna do alone for 6 hours??"

after being seated and placing their orders, niki brought back the conversation from earlier that had sort of been killed by jake.

"i get it, youre mad at me, and i shouldve listened to you. i know i fucked up and i know you see it too. i get it if you dont want to forgive me yet, or if you ever even will. but when you decide we could be good, im always here for you."

"why would i be here if i hadnt been prepared to forgive you?"

"huh?"

"i seriously question how dense you are sometimes."

"thanks for believing in me."

"no problem, but seriously. i forgive you. as much as i hate to admit it since i know youll use it against me, but i kinda missed having you around. i mean, you were my first love among other things but you were also one of my first and closest friends. it wont always be the same but im sure if we try enough we can get pretty damn close."

"god have you always been so philosophical?"

the two burst into laughter together, smiling as they took a sip of their milkshakes, reminiscing on the times they had spent together in their earlier high school years. it was moments like these that they has missed the most.

by far the most fun together (said niki), by far the most fun theyve had in a while (said y/n) after having spent the morning together, discussing and going over whats happened in the past few hours before going to pay. "ive got it," niki said, pulling out his card. "its the least i can do."

"thank you for today. i know i was hard on you but i needed this."

"no worries, i think ive owed you for a long time now right?"

"i need to do something in here real quick. you mind waiting in the car?"

"wait are you gonna be okay? i dont wanna leave you here alone."

"im a regular here, i know the people. its fine."

"are you sure?"

"if you go ill let you have the aux."

thats all it took for niki to run straight for the car, rushing to open the door.

y/n laughed as she saw him waving from the passengers seat, before going to talk to jiwoo who was busy wiping down the counters. she took a seat at the bar and felt comfort as jiwoo flashed the same smile she always would throughout y/ns childhood.

"thats a hell of a boy youve got there. special one isnt he?"

"you could say that in the very least. hes definitely special to me though."

"thats the boy you were tellin my sister about? he aint from round here, that right?" an distinct, familiar, voice spoke from the back kitchen.

"auntie jiwon?" y/n questioned in shock.

jiwon is jiwoos sister, she also used to work at the cafe just as much as jiwoo did. had been a favoritre of the customers including the sims themselves before moving to the countryside, only popping up on occasion. jake would call jiwon auntie since she was older and it had also grown on y/n.

"thats my name isnt it?" she chuckled as y/n ran up to hug her.

"wow, i cant believe it. i havent seen you in like, 7 years!"

"been a long time right? well, im just down here for a short while before i gotta go back. just here for a weddin and thought to visit my sister at work."

"thats great auntie, too bad you arent here for longer."

"yeah, well. thats what happens when you get 3 divorces and run out of money, that right jiwoo? but, seriously, whats with that boy of yours? he dont seem to be from here."

"hes not, hes from japan, for the dance academy we all go to."

"that explains a bunch. i always knew youd be a dance. you have quite the physique for it, no?"

jiwoo interrupted jiwon from rambling on the way she always would, quickly seeing y/ns desire to leave as she has other things to tend to.

"alright well, im sure y/n has plenty of things to do as do we, so we all really should be going. its about time for the regulars to start coming in." jiwoo awkwardly laughed as she too seemingly forgot her sisters idiosyncratic personality.

"you dont want to spend time with your auntie jiwon is it? kids nowadays have no sort of respect for their elders. you could drive a preacher to drink!"

y/n awkwardly cleared her throat and put on a smile, frozen in a sort of way as auntie jiwon hadnt seemed to be the same as she was 8 years ago.

"oh im only joking now! go on then, ill just see you in another 8 years." she sighed, overexaggerating the moment.

"its not like youre her real aunt anyway." jiwoo muttered, yet jiwon heard it.

"like your supposed to be? what are you to her anyway?"

"someone whos around of course! i practically raised her and babysitted her on top of running a restaurant with my own children whenever her parents would be in office from dusk till dawn with her brother busy at school with his own life."

"i was there too you know! she would tell me things she never told you."

"she only told you things because you made her! she was scared of you!" jiwoo rolled her eyes at jiwon before quickly gesturing for y/n to go.

"what are you doing- where is she going?" "somewhere where youre not."

-

as y/n go back into the car, she slightly scared niki in the middle of a game.

"what happened in there? looked kinda tense. never seen the other lady before."

"jiwoos sister. shes kinda crazy and possessive and scary. didnt even know she came back."

"maybe we should go.. shes kinda walking towards the car so i suggest to step on the gas."

"shit- shes what??"

------------------------------------------------------

within the next few months, niki and y/n drew closer to one another like they were before.

it was only a matter of time before their unresolved feelings for one another began to surface, yet they continued to push it down with all their might, not wanting to ruin anything like before.

so here y/n was, watching some random kdrama out of boredom, completely uninterested before she received a text from niki.

nishimura ; help

sim ; with what

nishimura ; baysitinf

sim ; the fuck

nishimura ; hold - my brother just took my phone

sim ; babysitting?

nishimura ; yes pls

nishimura ; jake literally js dropped off ur sister here while my brother was having a hyper thingy

nishimura ; hes just very hyper

nishimura ; send a swat team.

sim ; i dont rlly wanna watch sarang tho😐

nishimura ; BUT ITS UR SISTER??

sim ; yea but she’s a headache i have to deal with that like every weekend

sim ; i gave her to jake so i can have a free day just for her to bounce back to me😒 sim ; i hate guys named jake

nishimura ; thats what u get for abandoning a 5 year old

sim ; then im not helping

nishimura ; that lego set i bought you arrived today

sim ; see u in 20

and so here y/n found herself driving towards nikis apartment, reminding herself to lecture her brother once they both get home.

“good thing you came otherwise i mightve actually killed myself.”

“this better be good, i dropped crash landing on you for this.”

with that, niki stepped aside to point at the kids behind him without breaking eye contact with y/n, not wanting to look inside only to furrow his brows as she tilted her head in confusion.

“is this a joke?” she scoffed.

“what are you talking about?” his jaw dropped once he saw sarang and hiro getting along together just fine, completing some puzzle together. “i swear they werent getting along and hiro was just bouncing off the walls, plus sarang was like having a meltdown about ice cream!”

y/n slightly grinned then spoke, “you look fine. they look more then fine. you don’t need my help. did you just want an excuse to see me?”

“no! i- i mean i kinda wanted to see you but that’s not why- i, ughh!”

y/n held back a small laugh at nikis frustration before she heard the two kids watching them giggle adoringly at their older siblings.

“riki has a girlfriend!” “y/n has a boyfriend!” hiro and sarang exclaimed in excitement.

“im going home.”

“absolutely not.” y/n groaned in annoyance while niki pulled her into the house by grabbing onto her shoulder.

“so.” he awkwardly started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously with the palm of his hand.

“so??”

“about yesterday.”

“what about it.”

“we’re good right?”

“of course we are.” she reassured.

just as niki was able to reply, sarang began to cry loudly, like she saw a monster in her closet or something.

“what happened?”

“i cut myself!” she cried, showing the skin between her fingers. her and hiro had been doing small arts and crafts for the past hour, so she has hurt herself with the scissors.

“just put a bandaid on and ice it.” y/n rolled her eyes, shaking her head while not even bothering to look up from her phone.

“you’re so mean y/n unnie!” sarang pouted before holding her ‘injured’ hand up to nikis face.

“what is this, the school nurse? you gotta be a more helpful sister then that.”

“i am helpful. i asked her what happened then gave her a solution.”

“but you were so mean to her.”

“im teaching her to be tough! our parents were hard on me and my brothers, so we have to be hard on her.”

“but you aren’t your parents. you’re y/n.”

“but what if i don’t want to be just y/n?”

“well, then that’s not something you can control. you’re you whether you like it or not. you gotta learn to accept life as it is. that’s what really being hard on yourself is, and that’s what it does to you.”

niki goes over to sarang to pick her up and carry her over to the kitchen. he sets her on the counter and grabs a pastel flower print bandaid before placing a small kiss onto where he placed the bandaid.

he coos at her lovingly, with him who’d always seen her as his own sister having had watching her grow up since she was born despite her not really remembering much of him.

y/n felt her heart melt as she saw how good he was with her baby sister.

she got up from her seat to go over where they were, wrapping her arms around nikis waist to envelop him with into a warm back hug, pressing her head into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting it rest there.

“mean unnie.” sarang stuck out her tongue at y/n, pushing her face away from niki as she stuck out her tongue back.

“what are you, 5?”

“no but she is.”

niki sighed before pulling away (he really didnt want to but you didnt need to know that) grabbing his car keys, and picking up his brother.

“let’s go for some ice cream.”

so here you were, sitting at the local ice cream parlor together.

niki’s face turned as he watched you absolutely devour those three scoops (scoups) of mint chip.

“i seriously dont see how you could eat that. it tastes like toothpaste.”

“why are you talking when you’re eating plain vanilla.”

“hey, sometimes basic is better!”

“well you don’t have to like mint then. ‘cause me and this kid do!” she jokingly replied, hugging said kid (hiro) while niki and sarang rolled their eyes with their vanilla cones.

“hate to be a bother, but you guys are such a cute little family. youre just like me with my kids when they were still young. and, little girl, you really have your fathers eyes.” an elder women from a table across the parlor smiled, patting y/n and niki on the shoulder as she ignored her husbands remarks “stop disturbing the little couple!”

“do we really look like a family?”

“sort of, if you really think about it.”

“okay but she had to be lying because your eyes look nothing like sarangs.”

“i mean.. if you look closely enough.”

“you aren’t even korean!”

they laughed together, for the first time in a while.

“okay, but on a serious note. what are we? are we friends, lovers, or whatever’s in between?”

“i mean.. I guess for now, in between.”

“please date y/n unnie! shes sooo lonely and boring.” sarang interrupted, tugging on nikis sleeve.

“yeah! and i want more playdates with sarang!” hiro pouted, looking up with puppy eyes at y/n.

niki laughed at the kids’ reactions, before taking y/ns hand into his.

“well, no matter what you decide, let’s see where this takes us. they seem to be up for it anyway.”

“you’re right. alright, fine. but if you fuck this up again, you realize you’re not getting another chance, right?”

“i promise i won’t hurt you again. it already cost me everything last time.”

“glad you’re aware.” she bitterly mumbled.

“so. you will date me then?”

“ill think about it.”

[letsgetrowdy43]

Say yes to heaven ☆—

This takes place from Christmas 2020 to the spring of 2021

Warnings: heavy making out, swearing, lmk if anything else :)

The first part

Au Masterlist!!

It had been months since Honey and Quinn's summer of rendevous, the nights of secret-filled kisses and promises of a forever slowly withered away with time as the autumn months approached. On their last night together in Michigan the two of them sat down in her room at the lake house and talked about it all, from the break up to what they wanted after she was done school.

He'd asked her only one question that entire night "what do you want in your life?", it was simple really, but Honey was at a loss for words. How do you say 'the only thing I've ever wanted in my life is you' without sounding completely lost, like she needed to re-evaluate her entire being. But it was the truth, Quinn was really all she wanted, she had only ever pictured a life with him in it, where he was she would settle, it seemed so unworldy but it was something she'd decided long before everything got messy. Instead she settled for a quick "I dont know yet," leaving both of them disatified with the conversation.

The next morning regret of falling back into old habits hit Honey as she watched him pack up his bags and head to the airport, she missed him a lot more than she cared to let on, but this was how it was meant to be, longing for love on two different sides of the continent.

☆☆☆

Honey was asked to go with Team USA to the World Juniors to help with the media during her Christmas break, seeing as the pandemic had taken a hit on hockey at the time it was the only work she'd really been offered in a while so she took the opportunity.

Quinn on the other hand had been itching to see her, the moment he pulled into his driveway with Jack he expected to her be at his house along with her family waiting in their kitchen for family dinner as they usually did when they were finally altogether. He was gravely disappointed when he walked into his house to only see her parents and older brother on the couch, with no Honey in sight.

Honey's senior year had gonna by quicker than she'd anticipated, after Christmas it felt as if in the blink of an eye she was searching for a grad dress and searching for media jobs in the Michigan area. She also gave in to her curiosity and looked into jobs in the Vancouver area as well, pretending not to be upset as she job searched, fully knowing that there was and probably wouldn't ever be a set plan for her to move in with Quinn.

She and Quinn had yet to talk about if their futures aligned, she silently hoped that maybe he would ask her to get back together cause there was no one else out there for her, she knew that, but she wasn't going to be the girl to insert herself into his new life.

The night before her graduation she received a short message from Quinn saying sorry to her for not being able to make it to her big day, telling her how proud he was of her for accomplishing her dreams and wishing her well. She followed his text up with a quick thanks and a joke about him being a university dropout, then turned off her phone and cried in her room as she laid out her cap, gown, and dress.

Something about his absence felt suffocating, this was something she always pictured, and she had always imagined Quinn next to her during all of it. She remembers the end of their sophomore year and how hopeful they had both been in their relationship, it felt like a slap in the face, they were so naive to what the reality would be for their futures.

So now she sat in her bed, deep breathing as she tried to calm herself down to get a good night's sleep.

The next morning was hectic, getting up just as the sun began to rise to get her hair and makeup done, and her dress ironed along with every other small routine she needed in order for her morning to go as perfectly and smoothly as possible.

A quiet knock on her door startled her out of her anxious daze, she fixed the sleeve of her dress and opened the door to see a smiling Quinn in a suit. "You're here?" she said as she pulled herself into his chest, his arms wrapping around her as he held her for the first time in nearly a year. "You really thought I wouldn't make it?" "Yes, and I was mad at you for it" she laughed as she pulled away, her eyes tracing his face, thumb running over the growing beard, face seemingly more mature than the last time she had laid eyes on him, he looked really good. "I could hear the anger in your message," he whispered as his hands found solace on her waist before she allowed him to enter her apartment bedroom, and motioned him to take a seat on her bed.

She searched her room for her jewellery box, Quinn watched her brows furrow as she finally found it, his heart thumping in his chest as he grabbed the small box from his pants pocket. "Hun?" he whispered as she made her way over to him, she stood in between his legs as she put her last earring in, an awkward smile on her face as he stared up at her, "this is for you" he then pressed the small black box into her palm.

Nerves filling his stomach as she opened the tiny box, "you really didn't have to get me anything," she paused as she revealed a key, "is this?" "It's a key to my apartment, I know you said you didn't know where you were gonna end up after school, but a little selfish piece of me wants you all to myself in Vancouver," he mumbled as her gaze switched between the key and him. A grin grew on her face as she nodded, not ready to giving him a verbal answer just yet.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked lowly as she held the key in her hand, such a small thing that just changed the entire trajectory of her entire life. "Please," he mumbled, staring up at her with lustful eyes as she cupped his face as smashed her lips onto his.

His hands gripped her thighs as he pulled her forward and into his lap, "did I tell you how pretty you look today?" he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. She shook her head and placed a kiss on his jaw, "did I tell you that I think the beard is hot," she grinned as his face broke out into a smile, his hand finding the back of her neck and pulling her down to kiss her again.

"I missed this so much," she said in between kisses, smiling at how careful Quin was, trying not to ruin her hair. He hummed, "m' never letting you go again," he whispered as his hands travelled down to her ass, making her laugh at the suprise contact.

"Guys!" Jack swung the door open to tell them that everyone was taking pictures, but screamed at the sight before him and slammed the door shut. "I'm not ready to deal with that," she whispered with a laugh as she looked at a wide-eyed Quiin, placing a kiss on his cheek as she got up off of Quinn's lap to flatten out her dress. "He should've knocked" Quinn shrugged and straightened out his tie, cheeks a cute pink hue as Honey took his hand and led him downstairs.

-

-

-

[st-rayy]

your general cyno headcanons?

Cyno Head-Canons (in general)

Firstly, sorry this took so long but I wanted to play and inhale all the lore from Lupus Aureus Chapter 2 before I share my Cyno head-canons to not say things that dont make any sense with his lore (or to repeat stuff that his lore already confirmed) Secondly, omg, I never thought somebody would actually request head-canons but I'm happy somebody did. I don't know where to start but :3 Thirdly, I'd like to add that things mentioned here are NOT canon. Head-Canons are what one imagines to be "canon" for a character/series but is not (obviously some head-canons can become reality if it is later confirmed by the creators but that chance is soooo low, so don't see this as anything canon even if most of it might be based on canon in-game events)

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I'll throw some minor and short points at you before I go into detail about some Head-Canons I have... >-<

vvv

Cyno's a complete workaholic and nobody can stop him

Cyrus and Cyno act like "Student and Professor" when in public but they call each other "Dad/Father" and "Son" in private

When Cyno is stressed out he'd chew on his nails or pull on the skin of his lips without even noticing

He can swim, but he dislikes water if it's too deep for him to stand in safely

Cyno, at least once in his life, encouraged Collei to do something plainly stupid

If he fears something, it's Tighnari's or Cyrus' wrath

If he ever ecountered the deepest emotional low ever, he'd cut off his hair to cope with it

He's a calm drunk: If he's drunk, he's completely quiet, just minds his own business and gets really sleepy

Taj is like an uncle to him; when Taj had died, it hit Cyno harder than one would think and he cried in his room and at Taj's grave on ungodly hours so nobody would see

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Now, I present to you things I think about at 3AM when I can't sleep:

Cyno is Collei's father figure / adoptive father Cyno adopted Collei at some point, in my opinion. He takes care of her, visits her and I'm sure she means a lot to him as well. For everybody that hasn't read the official Genshin Impact Manga: Cyno was the one to seal the Archon Residue in Collei and took her to Sumeru so she could fullfil her dream to cure Eleazar. They also have a lot in common and I think Cyno sees a younger version of himself in Collei and he's so proud of her to see her grow and live her life.

Cyno was bullied as a kid Knowing that Cyno grew up in the Academiya after Cyrus took him in and that scholars don't think all too good about people from the desert, I think Cyno received a lot of mean comments during his time as a scholar. Canonically, the matra are also not treated kindly by the scholars, but since Cyno is an adult now and seemingly unbothered, even fancies what the scholars say, he just learnt how to deal with the comments...

Lisa and Candace are "big sister" figures to Cyno Cyno and Lisa seem to be very close, especially with their connection to Cyrus. I like to think that Cyno sees Lisa as his older sister and she also sees him as her younger brother, mostly taken from how they interact with each other in the official Genshin Impact Manga, Lisa trusts him and Cyrus from the Academiya the most. Candace meanwhile just acts overly sisterly towards him, she worries about him, looks after him and scolds him if he does something reckless. They just give off "big sister-young brother" vibes from how they've behaved around each other during the Sumeru Archon Quest and the Lupus Aureus Acts.

Cyno has Lichtenberg Scars on his arms If you don't know what Lichtenberg Scars are: Those scars are inflicted by lightening strikes and look like tree branches. Hermanubis himself also had Electro powers or powers that inflicted lightening, therefore I also think that this applies to both Cyno and Sethos

Childhood Trauma This is the point where I bring up the things Collei and Cyno have in common. Both were sold or given away to somebody by their parents; Collei was given away to the Fatui and Cyno was sold to the Temple of Silence as vessle. They've both been used for experiments and most likely endured painful experiences + they were severly sick in their childhood as Collei suffered from Eleazar and it's symptoms while Cyno suffered headaches, fevers and probably some minor injuries he can't remember. As Cyno said himself that not everybody could probably endure what he and Sethos had to go through, I believe he meant both physical and mental pain which explains why he lost so much memory from the time at the Temple - it was his mind, perhaps even Hermanubis, protecting Cyno from the upleasant and traumatic events he endured during that time (that is called "dissociative amnesia"). I also believe that little Cyno (and Sethos) must've been terrified during that time and it mustve been hard for older Cyno still, probably even after Cyrus took him to the academiya.

Cynari (Cyno x Tighnari, yes, the ship, skip this if you want <3) Inhales - I don't think I need to explain that canonically speaking Cyno and Tighnari have multiple times described themselves as their best friends. No, you dont have to like the ship and nor do you have to agree with the ship since it is NOT CANON, hoyoverse can't and won't put any same sex romantic relationships or general romantic relationships between playable characters into their games anyway for obvious reasons, the most they will do is hint at them like they do with Xingqiu and Chongyun or Ningguang and Beidou (the characters are written that way to leave us imagining, not to confirm anything). However, I'd like to think that they are in a loving relationship because of their chemistry and that both act as Collei's parents (Dads). I know this means nothing, but the way they worry for each other, care for each other, act towards each other and think about each other simply fuels my brain with "Look at those two idiots being in love".

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Honestly, I just wrote my mind because general head-canons take up a lot of my mind and I feel the need to explain myself so people understand what I mean or where I'm coming from ;-; So, sorry for the wall of text, ehe.....

ERM!!! I'm free to discuss things in the replies or dms if you want!!

[rosekasa]

🦉🌷🔮 for the fanfic writers game!

HANAA, JAANEMAN!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?

omg so many come to mind and im actually afraid that im going to miss people out because i feel like the only reason i write is because of the people i admire. between 2021-2023 i really struggled with writing for a bit, i dont know why, someone gave me nazar probably, but there are some writers who i would read COPIOUS amounts of and think, this, THIS love i feel while reading is the love i want to feel about my own work

@jattendschaton , obviously, has been one of my biggest inspirations since i was a BABY. their writing is so descriptive and evocative. so insanely detailed. studying their writing was what got me into the habit of trying to find different ways to express a sentence to see if i could get a more accurate representation of the feeling i wanted to convey

@frostedpuffs and @lnc2 were the first ml writers i ever read <3 i didnt even know i wanted to write fic at the time! honestly a lot of my earlier characterisations/ways of writing are heavily inspired by their works because i was so obsessed with them! they made me want to start posting on ml ao3 in the first place

@xiueryn , i downloaded a bunch of yilena's fics onto my kindle in late 2022 and fucking DEVOURED them. i hadn't really been reading longer ml fics at all at the time but yilena's... i could not stop. their worldbuilding, their pacing, the way they make writing 40k+ word fics seem almost effortless? it became a joke with my irl best friend because i would literally randomly say "oh yilena you legend" while readingsdjkfhsd

@miabrown007, i read seven is a lucky number and it RUINED me for life. i dont know why this is what keeps coming to mind, but in her a/ns she mentioned that she HAD to end the word count on a multiple of seven, and i was like, oh my god, she puts so much structural thought into her stories. meeting her irl and hearing her talk about her writing process in detail was an out of body experience. that day itself i wanted to finish a multichapter

@asukiess, if loving ao3 user asukiess was a cult i would run it. i read tbsym and it really slapped me in the face because, having encountered it at a time where i felt like i ran out of any and all ability to be unique and creative with ml, i was like, oh my god, this person just wrote 10k+ words about. kuro neko?? a twenty minute episode? and she got SO MUCH out of it? and it hit me that like. if you love something enough you WILL find a way to create more out of it.

🌷What's one of your fics that isn't as popular, but you hold dear?

i have all my stats turned off on ao3 so i havent actually had that feeling of "aw i love this fic i wrote but it didnt really get popular" in like. three years sdjfhdsjkfds but checking my stats now, hmm. maybe ya'aburnee? which is funny because although it has fewer kudos than my other fics it's also the fic that people who i meet in the fandom yell at me for the most. at the mcm ml meetup a friend who came was like "HOW ARE U COMPLAINING ABOUT MCD YOU LITERALLY WROTE IT" and i so vehemently was like NO I LITERALLY DIDNT WHEN and they were like??? are u fucking stupid. it was great

🔮What's your favorite plot twist you've ever written?

the plot twist to ya'aburnee was a banger in the outlines but i feel like i didnt execute it that well in the actual fic. but lpoam i think was my FAVOURITE favourite. i even cried while writing the death scenesfdjshd

[jemmo]

i cant even begin to explain how interesting i found this ep, but i think it all centres on night saying that day was a crybaby as a child, and yet in this ep he’s the one we see cry the least. and while i dont want to diminish how insanely difficult it is for day to lose his sight completely, i mean, we all saw the end of last weeks ep, i find it so interesting that it was the other people in his family that struggled with it the most, in their own ways. it makes me think about how for day, this is something he’s known is coming, and it’s only he who knows how his sight is deteriorating, so it’s not a shock, and while it’s upsetting for mohk, day confides in him enough that he knew it was coming to, and they had that cathartic moment together. but for his mom and for night, they didn’t see it coming, which is why it’s completely understandable that she panics. it might not seem like panic on the surface bc she’s a very put together woman, but the need to protect day and keep him away from any possible harm and do it herself, it tells us that she’s panicking, both bc this change they thought they could beat by getting a transplant before it got this bad, but also bc it brings to the surface that for all this time, the last months of day having some sight, she’s been absent and swamped with work and hasn’t been there with day, taking care of him, doing things with him, enriching that time, and the guilt makes her double down, at the expense of day. and it’s nothing anyone but herself can deal with, address that feeling and know that maybe she could’ve done different, done better, but ultimately that time has passed and change can only be made now, in the present.

and for night, wow. i wanna commend mark so much bc for me, he managed to capture that sense of a child in an adults body so well, bc this ep was about him healing that child inside of him that felt second best and not cared for like his brother was. and it says a lot that he cried more when his mother made his favourite dish after so many years than he did when day forgave him, bc for the whole show we think that the heaviness he is carrying is the guilt of the accident, but it’s only in the past few eps we really know what the root of it all is. and that’s not to say that day forgives him lightly, he absolutely doesn’t, it says more about how he actually has been keeping count of all that night has been doing to make it up to him, from taking him to go with mohk on the trip to bringing him a phone, night has constantly been trying to show that he does care, and none of it feels insincere, like just trying to get rid of a guilty conscience, he actually wants to be the big brother he wasn’t before. and when he cries at his favourite meal, it feels cathartic not just for all the obvious reasons of feeling loved and included, but for night that’s been doing all this stuff to show day he cares, finally someone is doing that for him, and it’s like he finally knows what that feels like on both sides, for someone to care enough to do something like that for you, and to receive that act of love. finally, it feels like all that care he was showing other people is being returned to him, and it’s not out of courtesy, it’s bc they care for him just as much as he cares for them.

[elysiaheaven]

Hi! I was hoping you could recommend some songs for your Jiaoqiu fic. I wanted to make a playlist in Youtube. If you don't mind!

It was honestly one of the saddest fic I ever read. The entire beheading part was so uncomfortably well-written!

And the sewing part, absolutely was so dark yet sad. Y/n's backstory was so sad. Wanting to travel planets only to be give some-ass background story by some foxian god, who just ruined other lives because he was alone. Only to try to protect the village she really grew to care about to be turned into fucking statues because of a insecure god.

Overall, I honestly don't like female reader, especially the tragic ones. But, This one felt so real with the breakdowns. Really wanted to give a hug for her!

Also, Y/n's character was so beautifully scary. The recipe for Borisin chapter? and then when Jiaoqiu cooked her that. Her reactions were so yandere-scary. It was so thrilling tho! Chapter 1 spooked the hell out of me. I mean those statues descriptions! It was a dream. I was so glad...

Honestly, this y/n was so similar yet a new turn for me Honestly each description felt so real to read.... I def love how your Jiaoqiu version. It showed his serious side more than his playful one. The way you wrote for the few chapters of him being so uncomfortable felt like real..? I was kinda angry at her. But at the same time, Y/n notices them and slowly moves away. yet, only takes action if he starts it.

Moze was so cute in this book. Feixiao was so well too! You made sure to show contrast between Moze's care and Feixiao!

Moze always lurks in the shadows, So he was able to figure out about her being somewhat innocent. I was also glad you didn't show him as a love interest! I mean since y/n was Jiaoqiu's wife... It's a wife reader. So Thank you for that!

Feixiao tried to solve everything, yet kept an eye on you. Felt really happy that you showed how much she cares!

Yunli and Bailu were so cute with y/n!

Honestly, y/n's self deprivation was too relatable for me, I mean the way she cried and the breakdowns felt so real. Maybe I saw myself in this y/n so maybe that's why I didn't hate this one! The way Jiaoqiu/ everyone comforted her was just... Top tier.

The lines- something like- "You really are the goddess of betrayal! You betray your feelings to be useful/ trying to make others happy by giving yourself slowly.." This is entirely y/n's character.. I thought the love was gonna be so rushed, It didn't at all! You actually gave reasons on how he could have loved her before knowing how she was. Not those fics like, 'he only started to love her when he learned who she was'. He really started to care before itself. It was really....

Also Fuck Hoolay? He literally pulled a 'make you suffer down with me'

In all, Thank you! This fic was so wonderful......

Honestly thank you.

Thanking you,

Some person <3

seeing how you like- noticed a lot of things and took time to write such a... message makes me really happy.. The intent of the beheading part was the original ending.. I felt like it would make the fic so much bad and considering after 2.5 Jiaoqiu became such a comfort character for me.. Plus, this y/n grew on me!! I THINK I REALLY DID SOMETHING HUH? I MEAN YOU SAY YOU DONT LIKE FEMALE BUT MINE WAS GOOD?? YAY!!! The breakdowns was easily hard. Had to imagine a lot for those...

Chapter 1 is to scare off people from the fic, since they wont read my garbage.

Hehe the borisin one was to scare too! I really didnt like writing those but haha- my friend was crazy!

About the jiaoqiu version thanks for understanding! i thought ppl will say i made him wrong because he really seems like a serious guy when a threat comes up! thinking both ways. he can act out I loved working on Jiaoqiu’s development, too! I wanted to show how, even though he’s someone who struggles with his feelings, he starts caring for Y/n early on, without it feeling rushed or shallow. It’s not that sudden “I love you because I pity you” trope — his feelings are much deeper, rooted in respect and admiration that grow naturally over time. At least I hope I did!

SAME THOUGHTS THE REASON WHY I EVEN CHOSE HIM AS A SOFTER IN THIS IS BECAUSE OF THAT still he was cold but he didnt show his anger on her because he saw her crying. Feixiao was correct too! Shes a general and would def see if theres so many ways to save jiaoqiu from a spirit! I totally understand the frustration towards her self-deprivation. Writing that aspect of her, where she’s constantly trying to please everyone at her own expense, was painful but necessary to build her character. That line you mentioned, “You really are the goddess of betrayal…,” it was the reason even addressed her as the betrayal goddess I'm really sorry if it made you feel like understanding i get it it must be hard! but pls the entire message was not to sacrifice yourself you are you and theres ppl who love you! I really wanna thank for you this message...

Also yeah! you can make it as a playlist and send me a link once you post it! ill be happy to see...! im glad to see ppl like this...really worked my ass off

and for the songs pls dont be anonymous dm me ill answer u! heeheheh <3

[icallhimjoey]

hello! you are the the loveliest joe writer there is, i am astounded by your talent and how warm even the angsty fics make me. i have a looooong list of requests to one day send you but how about joe and reader settling into a newborn routine days after bringing their baby home 🥺 i’m feeling really broody atm sooooo 😚

oof girl, i dont want any kids, but the mental image of Joe with a newborn baby girl is DOING SOMETHING TO ME Wordcount: 1K

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Bonding

“My turn, my turn,” Joe said, waking himself up as he did, before you could even wake up enough yourself to tell him that it was his turn now.  

He had heard the baby squirm before you had, mostly because a couple of hours ago you had spent over two hours swaying her back and forth as she cried through awful newborn-baby-cramps. You were exhausted, but the little bursts of sleep that you were able to get, were all so light, you’d wake up if Joe inhaled sharply next to you.

And the baby blues had gotten you good. It had been a very tearful four days so far, and you weren’t sure you were geared up to carry all this new responsibility within this new role. You’d been mentally preparing to be a mother, with an actual human baby that you’d have to care for, but when you actually got to see her and touch her – a real like baby that looked like you? It was entirely too much for you to be able to process. That, and your nipples hurt. A lot. You know, amongst other things.  

Just the sight of your daughter sleeping could make you cry. Joe would ask, “Are they happy tears?” And you wouldn’t even know what the fuck was up, you just knew that whatever you were looking at overwhelmed everything and it snuck its way out of your system through tears.  

It also meant that Joe thought he was the one making you cry all the time – that he was just fucking up left right and center, making mistakes and doing everything wrong. He wasn’t, and he knew about the baby blues, about the sudden hormonal drop in your body, but in practice it was a little jarring that slamming the fridge door shut with a little too much force could make you burst into sobs.

If he’d come and find you at the sound of sobs to comfort you, you needed time alone. And then when Joe assumed you needed time alone, you would wail about why Joe wouldn’t be there to hold you.  

Joe had picked up your daughter from the cot that was placed on your side of the bed and took her out to change her diaper before he’d return to hand her over to you for a feeding. You could hear him coo at her in the other room, and you pushed yourself to sit up a little to be ready for her.  

You’d finally gotten the hang of it, and Joe had promised you he’d never sleep through a breastfeeding. The thought of him turning over and going back to sleep whilst you couldn’t do that, even though you wanted it more, didn’t sit right with him. You told him he didn’t need to do that, that he should get all the sleep he could get so that when you’d nap later, he would have enough energy to do dishes, and laundry, and to hoover the place because there was not a chance in hell you’d be doing any of those things yourself for at least a month.  

But he hadn’t skipped a breastfeeding yet. Joe would lean back against the headboard of your bed and pull you over into his chest a little, so you’d be able to rest your head onto his shoulder or into the crook of his neck. Preferably without a shirt on too, for some close skin-to-skin contact between the two of you. It made him feel like he was part of the process that way. It also gave him the best view and the first time she’d successfully latched onto you, he had stared at it in awe for the full duration of it. 

“Is it weird that I’m jealous of this?” he had said, and it had made you cry instantly. It was both the worst thing and the best thing he could’ve said.  

Joe just wanted to have a bonding moment like that with his baby too, and the way that nature seemed to have made all the bonding experiences solely for the mother had made him feel left out. You’d gotten to feel her squirm around in your stomach for months, and now got to sit with her and feed her the most important nutrients from your literal body.  

You’d been fast to tell him that you’d gladly share the responsibilities if you could, thinking back to the long nights where she’d kept you up kicking into your kidneys, and now, clamping down onto your nipples with so much force, it hurt too much for it to feel like a cute bonding moment between the two of you.  

Joe understood, but it didn’t make him mean his words less. So, he’d still sit up with and would just watch over your shoulder with warm, loving, half lidded tired eyes and if you thought about it long enough it would bring on stinging tears. Even if Joe was jealous that he didn’t get to bond with your baby the way that you automatically got to do, you were sure that your newborn daughter was jealous that you got to bond with her father with the way he involved himself during these moments.  

“Look at her,” Joe said from behind you, his head heavy on your shoulder as arm wrapped around the both of you, his hand cupping her little head as she drank.

“She’s perfect. We’ve created a perfect little girl,” “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you love her more than me,” you joked, wincing slightly at the hard suction on your nipple. “I'm sorry to break the news but I think I do,” Joe said, completely overtaken with love. You understood, because you felt the same. Joe kissed your shoulder, and then kept his lips there, comfortably pressed up against you.

After feeding, Joe couldn’t wait to grab her from your arms to hold her close, seeing if she would burp before swaying her back to sleep. As Joe stood at the end of the bed, your heart fluttered in your chest. There were so many things that absolutely sucked about being a parent to a newborn baby, but this view… this view? It was all you could ever ask for.

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[sporkberries]

I’ve been thinking about the portrayal of SA and misogyny within fallout new vegas, from the Fiends and Caesar’s Legion specifically I think new vegas does a pretty good job at portraying oppression and abuse without seeming... for lack of a better term masturbatory. It’s by no means perfect obviously but i think its a solid attempt. The(living) victims of rape that we see within New Vegas( Pretty Sarah, Corporal Besty, and Siri) all have stories that i found pretty moving, relatable and truly heart wrenching. I think Betsy and Siri are the two that really stick out to me the most( sarah i struggled with getting involved in that quest line as it was too triggering ). Betsy is the definition of a “messy” victim. What Cook-Cook did to her left lasting scars, ones she refuses to acknowledge. And she’s angry she’s angry and she’s hypersexual and she’s lashing out at everyone in her life about it. She doesn’t want to be seen as weak and she doesn’t want to be a burden( i think her being a lesbian and very proud of that further bothers her as well, the fact a man was able to assault her weighs on her). Though her actions(especially her more pervy behaviour) aren’t excused by the narrative it’s very clearly a side affect of the severe trauma she experienced. I think it would have been really easy to have turned the Cook-Cook bounty/quest into a rape revenge story and I’m glad they didn’t. Sure she gives you some cash if you kill the bastard but the main way to help Betsy isnt (rightfully) killing her rapist but to help her get the help she needs, convincing her that her fellow soldiers care about her. It’s not common for more “messy” victims to be portrayed in media and personally Besty means a lot to me for that. Now contrast her with Siri, who is the complete opposite and equally strong because of it. Siri is a slave for Caesar’s Legion and given that she’s also a woman its not hard to guess what that entails. There’s been moments in video games where I’ve cried or felt disgusted and scared but when Siri warns a female legion courier about what legion men do and what they’ve been saying about her it makes me so... I dont even know how to put it into words(as my feelings on this topic are much harder to pin down and articulate compared to betsy). Even if you’re aiding the very men who are doing the awful things to her and the other women she doesn’t want you to experience what she’s gone through. She’ll warn the courier of what the legioners say about her of what they want to do and it’s just... god. I realize this isnt very well put together but its hard to know what to say about Siri other than she fucks me up. I realize there isn’t much of a thesis to this post but if there was it would be that I feel very seen by these women, and their stories and experiences manage to affect and move me greatly, while not being profoundly irritating and disgusting like so many other rape stories(especially written by male authors) are.

[bunnyb34r]

Anyways so I saw Twisters today and it was AMAZING! I highly recommend it. It's very fun and if you love weather like me, it was very cool. Was also sad, (I cried a couple times) but that might just be me being an emotional bitch 😅.

I really like the twist (haha) and how it wasn't really like a SUPRISE thing (like it wasn't too hard to see coming, but if you didn't already have the inkling of it, it would be a real "ohhhh" moment) Will not spoil it here though, that is gonna be under a cut. Mostly I mentioned it here for the pun and I thought it was really good plot wise.

The actors were all amazing. I really hated the soundtrack I have to be honest. I mean I don't like pop country really and I find a lot of post 2000 country to be not my cup of tea, so that's probably why. I know a lot of people (allegedly) really liked the soundtrack though so dont like go into it thinking "oh this is gonna be a bad music experience", bc hey you might like it!

Anyway as a kid I always thought the original movie Twister was a horror movie, and this one WAS one for me GSGDGDGDGD I was like so fucking scared for most of it 😭 I have a horrible fear of tornados

I thought that it was a movie ab a tornado forming and like chasing this couple?? Like it would suck back into the sky and they're like "whew we're safe!" And it just spawns from the same storm cell again and again until it kills them 😭😭 idk why I thought that

I also thought that just watching it would summon one 😭 I really don't know why I thought that

I just remember anxiously staring at my grandmas vhs tape and being asked if I wanted to watch that and then crying "no no no!!!" Agsgdgdgdggdgdgdg

Anyway very very good movie, although some parts were sad, it was all in all a fun movie and a really cool action adventure type film. I'd say it lives up to the hype

Spoilers below:

Okay so the parts I cried at were: when the boyfriend got sucked away and how he died protecting her 😭

The flashback when she thinks he's in the bed with her saying "its okay, I got you"

The videotape he made in the barn REALLY made me cry

The part when the tornado hits at the rodeo, the part with the mom and the little girl. I was SURE that little girl was gonna die or that she somehow got sucked up and the mom didn't feel her absence (so fucking glad I was wrong oh my god)

The part where the movie theater roof flies off and the screen gets torn off and people got sucked out, and when Lily was almost sucked out. (My cheeks were CLENCHED)

I loved Avi's character change and how he left that dickhead in the storm (but far enough away from the tornado) to go help

Idk why but I wasn't expecting so much death? Like graphic death, even if you don't see the bodies, just knowing like "theres people in there" as the vehicles are sucked up made me SAD

I'm glad Ben put down the camera and went to help instead of being like "ah yes this will make good for my story!" And taking pics anyway. I liked that he wasn't like soley focused on his job, that he saw the team helping others and went to help

Also liked how the team was not only hugging Kate for stopping the tornado, but Avi as well. Like they just adopted him into the crew and were glad he was alive too.

Oh and the Twist was that Storm Par was the bad team and the Tornado Wranglers were the good guys. That they only sell the merch to be able to pay for supplies and food to be able to help the victims. That they weren't as they seemed to be. I thought that was really nice plot wise.

Anyways idk if I was crying bc of the emotional impact of the movie, or if it was like my fear of tornados and fear of that kind of damage happening to my family, or both. Like maybe it was both and the existing fear being amplified had heightened my emotional state and what everyone else saw as a bummer made me cry idk

Anyways I do wanna see it again sgdgdgdggdgd 9.5/10 (.5 taken off for the irritating soundtrack)

Edit: wait wait wait the dickhead (I dont remember his name, you know who I'm talking ab if you saw it) was in The Tin Man truck, the tin man was missing a heart. That dude was straight up heartless.

Avi and Kate were in the Lion truck, they both needed courage. Avi needed the courage to ditch Riggs and stop helping exploit people's tragedy for sponsor money. Kate needed courage to get back into storm chasing, to let go of her grief (or stop being afraid of it), to try her project again, AND the courage to trust Tyler and let him look at her plan.

Avi and Kate BOTH got their courage; Avi came back to help, Kate all the above.

Can't say the same for the Tin Man lmaoo

But also ... is that calling the Scarecrow brainless? Agfsfddg idr who was on that truck but 👀

AND Dorothy was the start of it all/ arguably brought them all together in the first place