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hpimaginesandblurbs · 3 years

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Hi! I loooove your writings.

Could you write a one for me where the war ends and Harry goes to Ginny to apologize after sometime, but being the stubborn woman she is, she picks up a fight with him and says she doesn't want to see him again. He needed the most comfort during that time and that is when our reader (who was also his best friend) enters 🎉, she stays with him during his nightmares and all his PTSD episodes and comforts him, and being oblivious to both of them, they fall in love. And when Ginny sees them together, she realises she shouldn't have let him go and she goes to talk with him, he calls her off but forgives her anyway.

P.S- Ginny sees the reader and James after she finishes talking with Harry and it breaks her?

I know it will take a lot of time, but I hope you can write it for me, please 🥺🥺.

pairing: harry potter x muggle!reader

warning(s): pg, hurt/comfort, angst

word count: 2.9k

a/n: i decided to make it a muggle, childhood best friend reader because it just started to flow like that. i hope you don’t mind and i hope this is everything you wanted it to be. i really loved the idea of writing something like this because it’s so different than my usual on her and it was really fun for me tbh.

1998

---

“Hi,” Harry said from the doorway, a boyish grin on his face as he looked at his girlfriend sitting on her bed. Well, ex-girlfriend. Maybe girlfriend? He wasn’t sure. But that’s what he was here to try and figure out.

“Hi,” Ginny replied back, a bit cold in her tone.

“Can I - Can I come in?” He asked reluctantly. He had expected a much warmer welcome. When she simply nodded, he slipped in the room and shut the door lightly behind it. He leant against the door, wanting to keep as much distance between them until he was sure she wanted him closer. “I- I wanted to apologize for what this past year has been. I know I couldn’t help it, but I just wanted you to know all I wanted to do was keep you safe. You’re one of the only people I thought of when I was out there, wondering how you were doing, if you were alright. A- And I know this probably isn’t a good time but-,” he started, but Ginny cut him off quickly.

“Then it isn’t a good time. You left me to go wonder about the woods for months. You didn’t have to do that. It didn’t change a damn thing. You never asked me how I felt about any of it. I just had to go along with it because you’re you,” she said angrily, a flush coming to her cheeks.

“I know that now. That’s why I wanted to apologize,” Harry said back honestly, hoping she could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, just how sorry he was.

Ginny let herself take a deep breath before looking up at him again. “You’re forgiven, but I won’t forget this, Harry. Ever. You hurt me and you can’t take that back easily.”

“I know,” he said with a resigned sigh.

He was just hoping…

All he wanted was…

He thought he could come to her…

“I think you should leave, Harry. I love you, I do. But we all need some time right now. I need to be with my family,” Ginny told him gently, but that stubborn fire inside of her was never burnt out.

“Y-yeah. Okay,” Harry agreed, immediately moving to open the door again. He had so much more he wanted to say to her, but he couldn’t stand the awkward tension for much longer.

As he departed from the Burrow, he didn’t really have a clue as to where he was going. He didn’t have a family. Didn’t have a home. But he had Y/N.

~~~

Later that night, Y/N heard a soft pop from outside her doorstep followed by a knock. When she opened it, she found her best friend Harry on her porch, staring down at his feet.

“Are you alright?” She asked, concern lacing her voice, no need for hello’s between the two of them any longer.

All Harry had to do was look up at her with tears swimming in his eyes to tell her no, no he was not alright. She immediately ushered him inside of her house and down the hallway to her bedroom, trying to bring him as much comfort as she could.

Silently, she passed him old clothes that he had left there on previous occasions and guided him to lay down on the bed as he fought his tears before finally laying beside him as they had done as children.

“What happened?” Y/N finally asked.

“She doesn’t want me anymore. I know it’s stupid, after everything, but I just though… I dunno,” he trailed off, unable to look Y/N in the eye.

She knew her childhood friend well as well as everything he had been through in his life, and she could see right through him.

“Tell me,” she said gently, trying to coax the words out of him.

“I just thought I could rely on her right now. I need her. She’s one of the only people who has ever brought me a shred of comfort and I need that right now,” he said quietly, for once in his life eloquently explaining his emotions.

Y/N looked at the messy haired boy, unsure just what to do with him. It had to mean something that he came to her at that moment. When he felt he had no one, he somehow knew he still had her by his side. And Y/N could only hope that she brought the same comfort that Ginny had to him.

“Well, you’re more than welcome to stay here. As long as you need. I’ve missed you,” she told him gently, keeping a well balanced smile on her face in case he finally looked up at her.

And thankfully he finally did, and he looked a bit less upset than when he turned up, so that had to count for something.

“I - I’ve missed you too, but I can’t just stay here,” he tried to argue.

“And why’s that?” She asked, her brows furrowing together.

“I don’t want to bother you,” he told her, a small blush coming to his cheeks.

“Harry, we’ve been friends since forever and you’ve never bothered me once. You need someone, and quite frankly, somewhere to be. Just stay here,” she replied easily, not understanding why he was even arguing this.

“I know that,” he said, frustration building in his voice. There was something he was hiding from her. After a well timed staring match, he finally broke. “I have nightmares.”

“Well, I wouldn’t expect you to be completely unaffected by everything. That’s really not a problem, Harry. We’ll figure it out.”

After much more much needed reassurance and enough hugs to satiate him, the pair finally fell asleep side by side, Harry finally feeling at ease in his own skin.

~~~

One night turned into a week, and a week turned into months of Harry staying with Y/N.

Almost every night, a nightmare would rouse them both from their sleep, but Y/N never faltered. Every time it happened, Y/N was quick to wake him from his screams and wrap him up in her arms, holding him until the tears stopped. Cups of tea would be shared and many late night binges of their favorite childhood shows brought the smiles back to both of their faces.

And it wasn’t just difficult nights, the days grew hard sometimes as well. In his healing, Harry was paranoid, angry, depressed. Some days Y/N felt as if she was walking on eggshells around her best friend, but never once did she complain or feel put out by his behavior. She tried her best to understand what he had been through and the healing that came after that.

And Harry was infinitely grateful for her. Without her, he wasn’t sure where he would be. Sure, he had Ron and Hermione, but they were preoccupied with themselves and each other at the meantime. He knew he could go to the Weasleys’, but he felt as if they had already done more than enough for him. And he hadn’t even heard from Ginny since that evening in her bedroom, a hurt that grew easier over time.

As the months passed, the pair of friends only grew closer and closer. They practically knew each other inside out. And although there was another bedroom in Y/N’s flat, Harry always spent the night in her bed. Their bed. Both of them just argued that it was easier if a nightmare happened to leave it that way.

And something that was clear in both of their heads, but oblivious to the other one, was that they were both madly in love with each other. Harry loved Y/N. Loved the comfort she brought, the ease she put him at, the way she was the only one to make him smile after a hard day. And Y/N loved Harry. Loved his messy hair in the mornings, the blushes he could make cross her cheeks, his never ending sass that could always make her laugh. But neither of them wanted to tell the other, unwilling to break the one good thing they both had going for them at the moment.

~~~

It wasn’t until one day, on one of Harry’s particularly angry days, that one of them broke.

He had come in slamming the door so hard it made the flat shake, making Y/N’s head snap up from her book. She eyes him warily as he made his way into the kitchen, where she could hear cabinets slamming and teacups clanging against each other from behind the wall.

Slowly, she rose from her spot on the couch and rounded the corner into the kitchen, watching him carefully.

“What?” Harry bit out harshly, knowing she was there without even turning around.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Y/N asked, the same as she always asked him when he was like this.

“No. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t know why you always insist on making me talk about things anyways,” he said, rounding on Y/N to face her.

She could see the anger in his eyes and knew she had to tread lightly. There had been a few cases of accidental magic within the past few months that she wouldn’t like to relive again and had no intention of pushing him that far today.

“We don’t have to talk about it. The only reason I ask is because I know it helps you sometimes,” she spoke carefully, keeping her voice decidedly blank despite her desire to scream in his face some days.

When she moved to leave him be in the kitchen, she heard him speak softly.

“I dunno why you even still want me here.”

It made Y/N stop short and her heart shattered all in one breath. In all the time had been there, neither of them had even questioned aloud why he was still here. Y/N had no desire to change their arrangement and she assumed he didn’t either. He had never said anything about it until today.

“Harry, look at me,” Y/N said when she reentered the kitchen, a determinism about her that he couldn’t question when he did as she said. “I told you months ago that you could stay here for as long as you wanted to, however long that is. And I sincerely hope I have never done or said anything to make you feel as if I think otherwise. But I will not sit here and let you question my words. I want you here because you’re my best friend and you shouldn’t have to go through this by yourself as much as you try and convince yourself you should.”

“I just don’t get it. It can’t be fun having me here when I’m like this. Your boss almost fired you because you keep being late because I keep you up because of my issues. You don’t get enough sleep because of me. You walk on eggshells half the time, don’t think I haven’t noticed. Why haven’t you just kicked me out already?” He asked, growing more and more frustrated as he spoke.

“No, it’s not always fun. But I didn’t expect it to be when I offered either. And I will never kick you out on your arse because - oh, it doesn’t matter why. You need to get it through your skull that people won’t just give up on you. I won’t,” Y/N told him, her voice beginning to rise to match his, the first signs of anger she had directed towards him since they were children.

“Tell me why,” he shouted, his hands planted firmly on the kitchen table as he looked up at her, a mix of anger and curiosity in his eyes.

In that moment, Y/N weighed her options carefully. She could tell him the real reason why she wanted him here, needed him here just as much as he needed to be here, but that risked him bolting right out the door. She could lie to him, give him some other reason, but he’d see right through that. Or she could keep this argument going until it was over and see where that left them. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes before opening her mouth to speak.

“Because I’m in love with you, Harry. I don’t know when it happened, or why, but I love you. That’s why I want to stay here.”

Silence filled the room as they both took in what she said, only the sound of their breathing echoing off the walls.

“Are you serious?” He finally asked, studying her face carefully. All she could give him back was a nod, too scared of the repercussions of speaking right now.

He must have seen something in her face, because suddenly he was rounding the table that had been separating them and approaching her quickly. She watched him move closer and closer until suddenly, his lips were on hers.

Y/N felt every nerve ending explode when his lips devoured hers, never thinking she would ever share a moment like this with him. Carefully, her arms came up so her hands could wrap themselves in his shirt while his held her cheeks between them gently. Neither of them were sure how long they stayed like that, standing in the kitchen devouring each other, but when they pulled away they were both panting.

Harry rested his forehead against hers, gently kissing her lips one last time before saying, “I love you, too.”

---

2006

---

Eight years. From that moment on, the pair of them had been together for eight years. Eight years filled with the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, but most of all, filled with an undeniable, unbreakable love that they shared for each other.

In those years, there had been weddings and children, some of those milestones being theirs. They had gotten married just two years after their confession, not wanting to waste anymore time than they already had. And a year after that came their first child, a son named James Sirius Potter that was the light of their lives.

And in those years, Harry had grown into the man that she always knew he would be. He was stable, had a job, and was still healing, albeit doing much better now than when he had shown up at her doorstep disheveled and in tears. He was the most loving husband and was completely smitten with his child, becoming the parent that he had always wanted.

The three of them were out at Diagonalley, a place that Harry was happy to have introduced Y/N to years ago and was elated to go there as a family now. They were eating ice cream at Florean Fortescue's when Harry saw an unmistakable flash of red pass by, stop, and come back around.

“Hi,” he heard awkwardly from behind him, causing his head to turn around to look at the source of it.

And there was Ginny Weasley in all her glory. A chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies now, and looked the roll too.

Harry immediately jumped into a quick reintroduction, knowing Y/N hadn’t had the time to have a proper one at there own wedding which, curiously, Ginny had ducked out early from. After a brief, and rather awkward, catch-up between the couple and his former girlfriend, Ginny made her move.

“Harry, take a walk with me?” She asked, addressing only him now.

After a quick nod from Y/N, who was occupied with James regardless, Harry took his leave to begin walking through the streets with his ex lover. As they began walking, the routine pleasantries were exchanged before Harry turned to her with an expectant glance, one that asked her ‘What are we doing here?’ without having to say the words.

“Look,” she began with a resigned sigh, “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your day but I just wanted to apologize for the way things ended between us back then. It was unfair of me to push you out like that and it’s been eating at me for a while now, and I just hope we can at least be friends now.”

“I appreciate that, and you’re forgiven. But I’ve clearly moved on and I’m happy now. I can only hope the same for you,” he told her honestly.

She gave him a forced smile and a nod before excusing him to get back on with his day, nothing more to say to him than what she already did.

She watched as he walked away from the window of the shop they had been in. Watched him walk back to his family and back into her arms. Something that could have been hers if she hadn’t been stubborn and angry at the end of the war.

She watched as Harry pulled his son into his arms, hoisting him up and laughing with his wife before placing a loving kiss to her lips. That could have been all hers. Should have been, she thought to herself bitterly.

It took everything inside of her to stop watching him with his happy little family and finally turned away from the window, leaving Diagonalley and hopefully any thoughts of rekindling things with him behind. She knew it was impossible now, but she had always held out some hope in her heart for him.

But as she apparated away, she could feel her heart break for what could have been. What could have been if she hadn’t been so cold to him eight years ago.

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter blurb #harry potter smut #harry james potter #ginny weasley

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binunus · 3 years

Text

college bf!bin

a/n the duality of this man??? i’m deceased...anyway i did not think this would go this long but uh my hand slipped...happy birthday binnie!

word count: 5k

genre: fluff, smut, (tiny) angst _________________________________________________

ugh yo

bin is so??? infuriatingly hot??? yet cute at the same time

major: exercise science

and because I love mermaid prince/the beginning, he’s been on the swim team since first year college

swam varsity starting his second year

besties with eunwoo, they were roommates their whole college career

alright so bin loves making friends

he’s so playful and talkative once you really get to know him

but his aura?? tbh very intimidating

like he has an rbf and just like he’s so tall, broad shouldered, built, like he just carries himself very strongly that you will get intimidated when you first meet him

very well known in the university

literally has a professional photographed banner of him hanging in the athletic building with the gold medal he won freshman year

a little embarrassed about it

not really, only when the boys (as in literally the other five) tease him

myungjun: woOoOw bin that guy on the banner really looks like you, don’t you think?

rocky: we geeeeet it you’re a star athlete

blah blah blah you know the vibes, they’re endearing

so how do you meet bin?

basically you’re a friend of a friend—you’re eunbi’s (sinb) friend

you’ve only met bin briefly from time to time, but otherwise you never really had any reason to get acquainted with him

your only encounters of him are when he wants to annoy eunbi and she immediately puts him in his place

but then suddenly in the spring semester of your 2nd year, you and him are in the same 8 am

a boring statistics gen ed class that everyone needs to take in order to graduate

you were running a bit late during the first class meeting—you woke up 30 minutes after your alarm and literally rushed out of your apartment—you made it to class with 2 minutes to spare

most of the seats were filled up already, except that one seat in the back left corner by the window next to the one and only moon bin

oh would you look at that

you felt a bit relieved honestly, you didn’t know anyone else in that class so at least you saw a semi-familiar face

he grinned at you when you sat down

“hey y/n”

you were a bit taken back, “you know my name?”

he laughed a little, “yeah of course, you’re one of eunbi’s really good friends, why wouldn’t I know your name?”

before you could respond, the professor started class and ceased your conversation

one thing you realized as the weeks start to go on

you and bin could not give any two fucks about statistics

no offense to stats lovers

every 8 am on mon/wed/fri, neither one of you would pay attention in class

you both enabled each other to not pay attention basically

so when the professor announced the content and date for the first exam

you and bin literally looked at each other with the same expression

you were both fucked

after class was dismissed, instead of the two of you quickly packing your things and fleeing the room immediately, you both lagged a little bit

you: so...do you know anything that’s going to be on the exam?

bin: uh...no? y/n you’re literally right next to me, you know I don’t do jack shit in this class

you: well fuck, how are you gonna study then bin?

bin: I was probably gonna ask my roommate to help me, he passed with a 96 when he took this class

you give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster up, you lean in and clasp your hands together like you’re praying

“can he help me too...? please?”

bin’s eyes go a lil wide bc you were a bit closer than he was used to and shit was his heart racing rn?

bin: uh...yeah...sure, i’ll text you to come over when we’re gonna study

you beam at him and like in your excitement you give him a hug

“thank you thank you thank you! i literally cannot fail this class. I’ll see you on friday bin!”

with that you grabbed your bag and just left, leaving bin shocked

he’s surprisingly a shy boy okay!

he always thought you were cute from when he first saw you hanging out with eunbi, but ofc he never thought any more of it

until you guys had this class together and he started to think every day, that wow you are really cute

bin texts you the next day

coincidentally, eunbi texts you too

bin: hey this is bin, if you’re free in an hour my roommate’s gonna help me go over the material in ch. 1

eunbi: why did bin ask for your number

you to bin: yes! send me your addy and i’ll be there :)

you to eunbi: we’re in the same stats class lol and we’re gonna study for our exam next week

eunbi: lol moon bin studying? you might wanna bring some wine with you for emergency y/n

you: lol what do you mean by that?

eunbi: binnie hates studying, but good luck!

ahh, eunbi becomes unhinged when it comes to bin

but you know it’s bc they’re that close, they’re literally childhood best friends, more so like siblings

still, studying w him couldn’t be that bad right?

spoiler alert, it went alright

you felt bad showing up to bin’s apartment empty handed so you picked up some coffee before you arrived

you officially meet bin’s roommate, eunwoo, and you’re floored for like 2 minutes bc literally how can a man like him be real?

cue bin being a bit jealous bc yeah he knew his roommate’s perfect but like damn did you have to be affected by him too :(

eunwoo’s a good teacher alright? you actually understood the material from him

you: idk what eunbi’s talking about, you’re actually not that bad at studying bin

bin being offended: oh god what did eunbi say about me

eunwoo smirking: maybe it’s because you’re here y/n, bin usually doesn’t focus this much when it’s just me trying to help him

you: ???

bin in his head: i can’t trust anyone huh

before you left his place, you and bin planned to meet up and study one more time before your stats exam

it was just you and bin this time

although you’d never admit it, yes you tried to look good for meeting up with him

yeah he’s a friend?? at least you think you were at that level?? but still, he’s a cute friend and you really didn’t want him to see you looking crusty

you and bin end up studying for a whole 5 hours

granted, half of that time you two were messing around, eating food, trying to procrastinate for as long as you could

bc even though you two had a good handle on the material now—thanks to eunwoo—you both still hated statistics

you knew bin started to get more comfortable with you bc he started teasing you

it made you happy hehe so ofc you started to quip back at him

not at the intensity that he and eunbi do but it’s enough for you :)

he walks you back to your apartment after your study session

wow what a gentleman

bin waving bye at your door with the cutest smile: see you in class y/n :)

mayhaps your stomach did a little somersault

anyways

on the day of your exam you were freaking out

you have test anxiety ah ha ha

you woke up at 5 bc you were paranoid about being late to class

you’re like hastily looking over the notes again when you get to class like are you really prepared omg you’re psyching yourself out hella

bin comes in with 2 cups of iced coffee and he’s like woah are you okay

you: i woke up at 5 bin, idk if i can do this omg

you are like visibly in distress rn and he feels like a pang in his chest

he was gonna mess with you and say like “bet im gonna get a higher grade than you” but he smartly decides against it

instead, he just takes your hand and gives it a little squeeze: y/n, take a deep breath. you’re going to do great, you studied your ass for this and we both know that you got this material down—even eunwoo hyung said you were gonna ace this exam. just trust your instincts, okay? breathe with me.

he was staring at you so intently and genuinely when trying to calm you down

your anxiety yeeted and suddenly you felt shy

you: th...thanks bin...

bin was worried about you while taking the test rip, he kept secretly glancing at you (while also trying not to make it look like he was cheating) just to make sure that you were okay

he walks you to your next class after you both finished your exam

bin: you sure you’re okay? you said you woke up at 5, did you even eat breakfast? let’s get food after your next class.

you were feeling better after the test but like you got so endeared at his fussing

yes you and bin got lunch that day

your exam results were uploaded the next day

you immediately called bin: I GOT A 95

bin: i told you that you would ace it! i got a 90 hehe

you: bin i literally owe you and eunwoo my life, lemme buy you guys food or something

you hear a little bit of bickering over the phone and suddenly you’re talking to eunwoo

eunwoo: i would love some sushi, but since bin can’t eat seafood, why don’t you come watch his swim meet this weekend :)

you: o...h...o-okay yeah i’d love to watch, what time is it? :)

eunwoo: it’s saturday at 10 am

you: okay! i’ll see you there bin

bin already planning on drop kicking eunwoo

cha eunwoo—best wingman™

you basically beg eunbi to go with you to bin’s swim meet

eunbi: i know bin can swim, why do i have to watch him flounder around under water

also eunbi: faster bin! don’t you fucking dare lose!

bin places first this meet

are we shocked? no

okay you mentally prepared yourself for seeing him shirtless, but clearly you didn’t prep enough bc you’re on the cusp of drooling when you’re watching him from the bleachers

and let’s face it, you’re not subtle and eunbi knows everything so she’s literally closing your jaw for you and like messing with you

eunbi: y/n, you’re really sure you like bin? he’s a good guy but c’mon, i think you deserve better

you: since when did i say that i like him ???? and what do you mean ??? i think he checks...all the boxes...for me...

eunbi: maybe it’s bc i’ve known him since when he used to wet his pants so i don’t understand why people are attracted to him, but like...really, you’ve been checking him out since he removed his shirt. even the ref can see that you’re simping over him

you and eunbi meet up with eunwoo and the rest of bin’s friends—that you haven’t met yet but know of

jinjin: oh so you’re the y/n that bin’s been talking about *wink wonk*

baby you’re blushing

even more so when bin comes up to your group

mmm middle parted wet hair, muscle tee and white sweats, towel around his shoulders

he’s so hot ???

you’re all congratulating him blah blah, but like bin keeps glancing at you and all you can do is just smile and like nervous laugh

sanha: y/n! eunbi noona! you should come eat with us to celebrate bin hyung’s win

eunbi glances at you, little smirk on her face: i have plans, but i know y/n’s free! bin you make sure they get home safe after y’alls dinner plans :)

hwang eunbi—best wingwoman™

dinner with the boys was chaotic, you were talking and joking around with them as if you didn’t just meet them today

*you about to get your wallet*

bin, not even able to look at you: it’s okay y/n, i got you this time

cue the boys teasing

astro: kings of making fun of each other

rocky as the group is splitting up: walk y/n home safely hyung :) don’t stay out too late

bin: sorry about them, they’re a bunch of loud idiots...ah haha...

the walk back to your apartment is actually pretty sweet

he didn’t know if you would actually come watch his meet or not but he was excited when he actually saw you

you talk about small random things about yourselves, but it’s not like useless information, you bet that both your subconsciouses are keeping track of whatever y’all are talking about

you give each other a “friendly” hug goodnight...that lasts like a minute or so

and while you’re hugging, bin just can’t help but think that wow you fit so perfectly in his arms

and on the other hand, you’re thinking he feels so warm? so safe? you don’t want to pull away?

but ofc the hug has to end and you’re thanking him for walking you home and he’s like glued to his spot waving goodbye sweetly and waiting for you to go inside so that he knows you’re safely in your apartment before leaving

bin sighing dreamily as he walks back to his and eunwoo’s place

eunwoo waiting on the couch with a glass of water: how was your date ;)

bin: it wasn’t a date, i just walked y/n home

eunwoo: yeah, but you want it to be a date

bin: ...shut up

god why is the pining stage so long

alright everyone knows you and bin like each other

it becomes pretty obvious after the swim meet

you and him fall into this little routine of switching who buys coffee for your 8 am

and then he’d walk you to your next class afterwards

you both still don’t pay attention in stats, sorry

but that means more outside study sessions dates

you come watch his swim meets, whether astro’s there or you’re just watching by yourself

and then you and him get lunch?? early dinner?? right afterwards, it depends on whenever his meet ends

but like??? neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other

even though you both have like a little hint that yeah the feelings are mutual

you and bin are literally like this for 3 months, like damn the semester is almost over

eunbi and eunwoo are tired of your shit, they’re both just like: when the fuck are they getting together? we’re sick of this.

alright so the masterminds literally pay one of eunwoo’s friends from his major to ask you out while you’re studying with bin

let’s do mingyu why not, he was in your korean history class last year

you and bin are in the library, half studying half goofing off per usual

eunwoo, eunbi, and mingyu are at the opposite side of the floor

mingyu: u sure bin won’t clock me for trying to ask out y/n

eunwoo: probably not??

eunbi: just do it please

mingyu giving them both the finger before walking up to your table

“hey y/n...i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me...as a date?”

you: o_o huh?

mingyu: i always thought you were cute from when we had class together last year, but i never had the balls to ask you out or anything...you’re not dating anyone, right?

you glance at bin to find that he’s already looking at you with an expression that you don’t really know how to read

you: um...well no I’m not-

bin: actually, we’re dating so y/n can’t go out with you mingyu, sorry.

mingyu’s not even phased, he just gives you a thumbs up and then leaves

you’re confused like literally what is going on—and then you process what bin said and you whip your head to look at him

bin: sorry i said that...i just felt...jealous i guess when mingyu asked you out

you: I wouldn’t have said yes anyway...I sorta like someone else

bin: fuck it, the topic already came up...y/n I’ve liked you for a while now but uh...I don’t know I guess I was scared to tell you because I’m scared of rejection

you just laugh, but not mockingly! more like bin you’re so cute wtf

“bin, why would I reject you when I’ve literally been into you for the past four months?”

it’s safe to say that you and bin officially began dating after that

eunwoo texting in their gc: bin and y/n are finally together

myungjun: fucking finally

bin: how...did u know that eunwoo...?

*eunwoo has left the chat*

alright but bin’s charm?? flirting?? teasing?? sweetness?? up 1000%

bin is touchy y’all, in private his hands are always on you, whether it be sexual or not sexual is up to you

he restrains himself in public ofc, the most he does is put a hand on your waist or hold your hand

eunbi threatens bin early on in your relationship: bin you’re like my brother, but y/n’s one of my dearest friends and if you as much make them cry i will kill you

ofc bin is still eunbi’s punching bag, but when you three are hanging out, he’s dramatic and acts like he’s hurt so he’s like whining to you

sometimes you play along and coo at him like: aww binnie, where does it hurt baby?

other times you’re like: you really think i believe that?? with the size of your biceps??

eunbi: excuse me while i vomit

okay but binnie? bestest sweetest boy

yes he looks all big and intimidating

but he’s soft—especially for you

your nicknames for each other are either “bub” or “baby”

yes will join in making fun of you with the boys, but when you start pouting he’s a goner and will defend you

bin is also a big cuddler, but i mean you’re not complaining hehe

he’s the big spoon, no questions asked

okay but being in bin’s arms is like your favorite place in the world

his frame literally just envelopes you and all you can feel and smell is him and it’s so??? content, you feel at home with him

you feel bad in the morning bc like his arm has to be sore from your weight so you try to like get out of his grasp, but he literally just whines and hugs you tighter

okay but just imagine you and bin napping and his arms are around your waist, his nose is buried in your neck and he wakes up like nuzzling his face in your shoulder like a puppy

im soft

one week you’re staying over at bin’s apartment and then the next week he’s staying over at yours, the cycle goes like that

if you’re one of my ladies with a ~vagíne~, he will buy all your cravings and your tampons/pads, literally anything you want that week, it is yours

doesn’t really get jealous now that you two are official, he knows that you’re his and he’s yours

you two lightly bicker like friends, but you’ve never had a terrible fight before

you were really close to though—or...like you did?? but it was resolved really quick

one of the only problems of bin is that he hates showing weakness and it takes him a whole lot to truly fully 100% be vulnerable with someone even if it’s someone close to him

he pulled a muscle in his arm and it cost him one of his swim meets

he had to go to rehab for like a month and you knew that mentally he’s been off bc of it

you try to ease talking him into telling you about how he’s really feeling but he just kept dodging the subject

one night after one of his rehab sessions, he came back to your place and you’re just like

“hey bubbie, how was rehab? how are you doing?”

and he just snaps at you: stop asking me how I am, y/n, it’s getting really annoying

you’re taken aback, like what the fuck where did that come from?

your eyebrows furrow and you cross your arms bc you are not going to get spoken to like that

“so me worrying about you and wondering how your recovery’s going is annoying? that’s what a partner is supposed to do, moon bin. what’s going on with you?”

bin: you’re being suffocating! it’s the only thing you ask me about nowadays, sometimes I—

oh boy you got mad

you: I ask you because I know you’re not telling me things! I know you’re suffering by yourself and I want to let you know that I’m here for you, I want to help take some of the pain away or at least help you deal with it because I’m your partner! but how can I if you can’t even let me in?? we’re fucking dating moon bin, we’re supposed to go through rough times together. and you call me suffocating...?

bin’s silent and he’s looking at the floor

you sigh, tears are building in your eyes because you’re frustrated and a bit hurt by what he said, and your voice cracks when you speak again: if i’m suffocating you, then you should leave. text me or something when you can breathe again, I don’t know.

there’s a bit of spite in your words, hidden by the pain

bin sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and that’s when he knows he fucked up

he’s never seen you cry before—besides like from a sad movie or something

so like the fact that he made you cry and hurt you with his words? damn he hates himself rn

he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you like try to push him to get away bc why is he hugging you? didn’t he just say that you were suffocating? why is he confusing

bin: baby, I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you, you’re not suffocating me I promise...you’re right about everything, I should be sharing things with you and telling you how I’m really feeling...I’m sorry.

you don’t say anything and just like sniffle and he picks you up and brings you to your bedroom and then he just lets it all out

he tells you how rehab is hard and like yeah his muscle pain is going away, but he doesn’t know if he can swim as fast as he used to and that scares him

and he tells you that sometimes he’s thought of giving up swimming since his injury, but then he thinks of you and that’s how he’s still going through with rehab

you’re his motivator and comfort but he doesn’t want to show you his weak side bc he hates that part of himself

and at this point, bin starts tearing up and you’re like stroking his hair to try and comfort him

bin: I’m not good at telling my feelings baby...probably why I didn’t tell you I liked you until 4 months later...but I promise I’ll work harder and at least try and tell them to you.

ugh pain

anyway your communication with serious things got better after that encounter

eunbi finding out that you and bin argued and he made you cry and she literally punched his stomach

you: omg eunbi stop

bin: it’s okay...I sorta deserved that

eunbi: why...are you not swearing at me? shit, bin are you okay?

he nods to the girl and just puts an arm around your shoulder: we talked things through, don’t worry. I’m all good now, but I did deserve that punch because I hurt y/n when I promised you I wouldn’t

bin ends up having a full recovery and bam his first swim meet after he got the clear from the PT, he gets first place again

all the boys and you and eunbi were there supporting him

bin was hella nervous before the meet started, but you gave him a little good luck kiss and was like: I believe in you bub, no matter the result, as long as you give it your all and don’t hurt yourself again, you’ll be the winner to me :)

this was actually when the first “i love you” was said

after your little pep talk in the locker room, bin’s just hugging you and holding you for comfort

and he just went out with it

“I love you y/n”

you blush hella hard bc you were not expecting that

obviously you’ve been feeling it like yeah your feelings for bin have grown into love for a while now

you just bury your face in his chest and hug him tighter

“I love you too binnie, now go get em bub.”

he smiles and kisses you and tells you that he’ll see you after the meet is over

you come back to the crowd where the boys and eunbi are and you just have a huge smile on your face, you’re literally glowing

myungjun: please tell me you guys didn’t fuck before his swim meet

speaking of fucking

okay let’s get down and dirty ladies and gents wink wonk mmm grr bark bark

bin is so sexy y’all like i dont need to tell you that

he’s 100% a tease

you have a little muscle kink hehe

which bin very much uses to his advantage

if bin is wearing a sleeveless shirt, you bet he wants to smash that day

will walk around shirtless after a shower or after a workout just to turn you on and then depending on his mood, he might tease you for like an hour or you’ll just get right to it

he’s very proud of his body and the work he put into it and knowing that you get turned on from one look of it?? gives him an ego boost, he loves it

one time at a party, he wore a crop top (mm hello bad idea bin) and you literally went feral

you dragged him inside the nearest bathroom and just started making out

he’s an ass guy

...all of astro are ass guys, it’s just obvious with how much they slap each other’s asses and poke each other’s assholes

okay you know how he’s touchy right? i mentioned that earlier

he always wants you on his lap

even if there’s a space available, nope your seat is his thighs

ofc when the situation allows, like you’re not gonna sit on his lap in class duh

most of the time in public like if you’re hanging out with the boys or something, it’s innocent

but if he wants to be a tease, he’ll literally just tighten his grip on your hips and grind you down onto his cock

subtle, he won’t straight up thrust into you

just enough to get his dick stirring and make you feel the outline of it through your pants

and then he just stops and hugs your waist again?? wtf

his major’s exercise science right? will ask if he can practice on you for anatomy and physiology, but you know after touching you in a couple places, y’all will just end up fucking

likes to bite and mark

very proud seeing the hickeys he leaves on you

you can bite, but you can’t bruise, idk his upper body is exposed a lot bc swimming so you can’t really leave any marks on him unless it’s the off season

foreplay’s cool, but he prefers the main event, he just wants to be in you

as much as he loves doggy, his fav position is the hook

(it’s when your legs are on his shoulders ohoho and it just lets him fuck you in a deeper angle mmm)

also in the hook, he can choke you

if i have a choking kink, you have a choking kink

okay little tangent, choking is so hot?

like just imagine you and bin are making out, he pushed you against the wall, literally grinding his hips into you, and his hand just comes up and squeezes your throat? that’s so sexy

likes butt stuff oops

i don’t make the rules, he just does

daddy kink, but no power play

will not degrade you (even if you really just want him to call you his dirty slut) bc he really values seeing you as equals

seeing your face when you cum is a must

almost always: you cumming → bin cumming

nothing gets him off more than knowing that he’s making you feel good

after !! care !!

sweetest boy!!

will clean you up with a warm towel after sex

and if you’re one of my ladies, he will always remind you to pee so that you don’t get a UTI

if y’all had a marathon or something, he will draw a bath and carry you to the bathroom and you will bathe together, so soft

always ends sex with an i love you :’)

okay let’s get back to the soft stuff

special thing about swimmer bin: pool dates

sometimes when he’s practicing and it’s just him, he asks you to come to the aquatic center and you two end up splashing around and being cute together

he like knew that you were the one for him some time during senior year

it was the holidays and his parents invited you to spend christmas with their family since your parents were out of the country this break

his parents and sister liked you immediately—which you were so scared about, but bin just knew

you woke up early christmas eve (and bin was out like a rock) so you just went downstairs to brew some coffee or something and you saw that his mom was already starting on making food

naturally, you offered your help and she was like no, you’re a guest y/n, but obviously you started helping

bin comes downstairs like an hour or two later to see you, his mom, and his dad just cooking and listening to christmas music and talking and his heart just like swells??

you: morning binnie :)

his mom: how can you be sleeping when y/n’s here helping us with christmas dinner

his dad: what kind of boyfriend are you, son?

just kidding all jokes

but that’s the moment when he knew

best boyfriend bin ugh

he becomes a legend in the school for swimming

but doesn’t continue after college, he’s all about becoming a physical trainer after graduation

he goes to grad school, while you’re out working in business

bin moves in with you after graduating, it was the obvious next step

you do talk about the future together, but obviously bin’s still in school and you’re both fresh from undergrad so there’s no rush yet to tie the knot

doesn’t stop his or your parents from talking to you two about marriage tho oops

ugh but the domesticity after bin moves in with you? superb

like yeah obviously you both basically lived together anyway when he still roomed with eunwoo just from how much you and him spent at each other’s places

but like your apartment is now both of your place and it’s like your home is finally complete

your apartment becomes the reunion place for the boys and eunbi

at this point everyone knew you and bin were gonna get married eventually

eunwoo and eunbi: we did that ;)

and that’s how you and your college bf!bin live happily ever after uwu

happy birthday binnie moonbob ♥

1-25-21

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favefandomimagines · 3 years

Text

Least Deserving (d.m.)

Summary: you’d been by Draco’s side since fifth year. and you knew of his demons but he didn’t seem to want the help you were offering.

AN: i really wanted this to have a really angsty not happy ending but i really couldn’t do that lol also wrote this in 20 minutes, my inspo was one tree hill tbh

i wanted to write something that was realistic. sometimes people can’t help their partners when it comes to trauma and sometimes people don’t want to be helped and that effects relationships way more than we think.

You and Draco had been a team since your fifth year at Hogwarts. You were always friends before that but then something clicked once puberty happened and feelings got involved.

He asked you to the Yule Ball and everything changed after that moment. Draco was never the type of person who was open about their feelings. It took a lot of time and patience until he finally decided to tell you if anything was wrong.

It got worse after the war ended. He was paranoid and jumpy, afraid that Death Eaters will come out of the woodwork and kill him for betraying them in the end. His PTSD and paranoia didn’t stop you from loving him.

You were going through your own issues as well when it came to post-war life but you also knew Draco was going through the ringer.

And him not liking being vulnerable led to his temper being one no one wanted to trigger. So you tried to offer him your help when you could see he was struggling worse than most days.

You ‘prying’ led to him getting angry and saying how you need to give him space or he won’t get better. But you’ve been giving him all the space in the world and you didn’t know how else to help him anymore.

After Hogwarts, you became a healer at St. Mungo’s. You were quite successful in your work. So much so, they offered you a position at St. Jouge’s Hospital for the Ailing and Maimed in New York City.

You thought it was the perfect opportunity for you and Draco to both get away from the demons and reminders of the war. You hoped that you would get the Draco you fell in love with back if you left London.

The evening you found out about your job, you arrived back to your home that you shared with Draco. You were excited to tell him the news but a bit nervous as to how he would take it.

You opened the door and the inside was dark. You knew Draco was home because his jacket was on the hook by the front door.

“Draco?” You called, placing your wand on the table. You progressed further down the hallway and peeked through the crack in the doorway of your bedroom.

Draco was sitting on the bed, staring at the dark mark that was seared into his forearm. You pushed the door open, causing it to creak and Draco stood up defensively, wand pointed at you.

“Hey, it’s just me.” You said, hands raised in defense. “Y/N,” He started, lowering the wand and sitting back down. “Are you alright?” You asked. “I’m fine.” He said with a small scoff. “This doesn’t look fine. What were you planning to do if I hadn’t walked in?” You questioned.

For months, Draco had been talking about trying to get rid of the dark mark. How he would do anything to get rid of the reminder of a very dark period of his life.

“I wasn’t going to do anything, Y/N.” He snapped. “Draco, talk to me. Please.” You begged. “There’s nothing to talk about!” Draco yelled. You were used to him lashing out so you didn’t have much of a reaction.

“What if we leave? Go to America and just, start fresh? Or at least until we’re ready to come back.” You suggested.

Draco looked up at you with a look you couldn’t quite decipher. It looked as if he was almost disgusted with you. “I can’t just leave, Y/N. No matter where I go, this mark will follow me. It’ll always be a reminder of what I did.” He replied. “You never understand! You try to help me but you don’t understand what I’m going through!” Draco added.

Now it was your turn to look at him in disgust. “I don’t understand?” You questioned. “I, don’t understand what you’re going through? I lost my best friend in that war. Lost my parents because everyone thought they were members of the Order.” You sneered.

You rolled up your own sleeve and revealed the scar that was on your arm. Draco flinched away from the sight of the injury. “Your aunt carved ‘blood traitor’ into my skin after she tortured Hermione. And you say I don’t understand?” You said, voice rising.

“All I want to do is help you, Draco.” You finished. “You can’t help me! So stop trying when you’re going to fail!” He yelled.

You squeezed your eyes shut causing a few stray tears to fall but you quickly wiped them away. Though Draco noticed.

“I got offered a position at St. Jogue’s Hospital in New York City. I think I’m going to take it.” You whispered. “What?” He questioned. “We aren’t good for each other anymore. I don’t deserve how you’ve been treating me, after all I do is love you and care about you.” You explained.

“I need to go. I love you, Draco, but I need to go find someone who lets me in. It’s been three years since the war. No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” You spoke.

An eerie, uncomfortable silence fell upon the bedroom as Draco avoided your gaze. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, Draco. Maybe someone else will.” You concluded.

Draco didn’t move from the spot he was standing in. Not until he heard the front door slam shut. Only then did the reality of the situation sink in. He pushed you closer and closer to the edge every time he didn’t let you in. And he finally pushed you over. He lost you.

It had been two months since you had moved to America. You were quite lonely though, the flat you were given being a little too big for just you. Originally, you had told them you and your boyfriend would both be living there. You hadn’t had time to tell them the plan changed.

So you a got a dog. A little Scottish Terrier that you named Fred. After your late best friend who the world lost in the war. You told Ginny and Hermione it was because your home was too big.

But they knew it was a distraction from Draco. Having work plus a dog gave you enough distractions so you only thought about him a few times. Though you loved your little companion, it didn’t replace the aching you felt anytime you found yourself thinking of Draco.

You had just gotten home from an overnight shift at St. Jouge’s, going through your mail as Fred was running down the hall from your bedroom.

“Freddie, you know you’re not supposed to go into my room when I’m not home.” You lightly scolded the little dog. But then you realized that you always leave your bedroom door closed.

With furrowed eyebrows you walk down the hall, wand outstretched and peered into your bedroom. You thought you were hallucinating due to lack of sleep but there he stood. Platinum blonde hair askew, wrinkled black dress shirt and his usual pair of black dress pants.

“D-Draco?” You stammered. He turned around you could clearly see the change in his appearance. He was pale, very thin and looked like he hadn’t had a goodnights sleep in weeks. “How did you get in here?” You questioned.

“Alohamora.” He said quietly. “Now, why are you here?” You asked. “I’m sorry. For how I treated you. As if you weren’t dealing with your own things because of all we’ve lost. I didn’t mean to push you away and I don’t have any excuses as to why I treated you the way I did.” Draco answered. “Can you try to at least explain? Why you were so awful to me when all I wanted was to be there for you?” You questioned.

“I was scared. I was scared that you would look at this stupid mark everyday and have to be reminded of everything I took from you. Lavender, your parents, what my aunt did. I don’t want our life to be surrounded with everything that happened. Everything that I’ve done.” He said.

You took a few careful steps towards him but not too close. “You took nothing from me, Draco. You were just a boy in a world you didn’t understand nor belong in. I could never blame you for what happened. And I know he threatened you with my life if you didn’t do it.” You said.

Draco looked at you with a shocked expression, wondering how you knew about the threat that was made against your life. “How did you-” He started. “Harry. He heard what you said at the Astronomy tower that night.” You cut him off.

Just like it did two months ago, the room fell into a silence. Draco sat down on the edge of your bed and put his head in his hands. You saw his body shake slightly and heard a muffle sob come from his lips.

“I need help, Y/N. And I can’t do it without you.” He whispered. You had waited so long to hear him say that and admit that he needed help. You walked over and sat down next to him and rest your head on his shoulder. “And I’ll be here.” You replied. “I think moving to New York is a good idea.” He told you.

Draco looked up at you and you could see the small glimmer of hope in his eyes. “I think that’s best.” You said. “I missed you.” He whispered. “I missed you too. I bought a dog not to miss you.” You laughed.

“That reminds me, I’m not a dog person.” Draco said. “That’s a lie. Your father just wouldn’t let you have one.” You said. “What’s its name?” He asked. Draco quickly regretted that question when a slightly sad smile appeared on your face. “Fred. It felt right.” You said.

Draco wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into him. “I love you, Y/N.” He said. “And I love you, Draco.” You replied.

The two of you sat in that position for quite sometime. Both of you ready to get the help that the two of you needed.

#imagine #imagines #harry potter imagine #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #ron weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #hermione granger #ginny weasley

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tsukiyamavalentine · 2 years

Text

Pondering abt why I came online today (it gets deep and goopy and personal so it’s truly a ghostalope post lmao)

TW: sh, ed, suicidal thoughts/ideation, nihilism, it’s all just depressing tbh

I don’t quite know why I felt confident enough to come on here today. I hate my birthday and this particular birthday is the one I’ve been dreading.

I haven’t touched social media in weeks, in part bc of being in hospital. I deleted Discord and Pinterest and Instagram ages ago. Mostly because of paranoia and anxiety over That Thing, because I kept seeing the people involved, I felt like they were targeting me, I started getting paranoid.

I also left because nothing was happening. It was painful being online, silently watching other. I realised then, that really I have no point to anyone. I’m as forgotten as a fly on the wall. I don’t exist. Even when I’m a fly on the wall, I don’t exist, and if I do exist ; if I am thought of, remembered, then - like a fly or cockroach - I don’t believe there are many people who think of me fondly.

I think abandoning it all was another method of self-harm. I felt like I didn’t exist online, so what difference does it make if I really didn’t? It was the start of what I considered my end. Slowly, methodically, easing myself into a state of non-existence. I figured that if I did that, then when the time came for me to end, I wouldn’t be afraid or upset or angry ; I would just cease to exist.

If I was to place a reason for me being here today. Then it would be because this is the first sense of coherence I’ve had since it all went down.

That makes little sense. I’ve barely eaten, today a day I’ve dreaded since I realised it was coming, I’m high and low on self-harm, I never seem to stop sobbing, and my mind is comparable to that of a poetic junkie.

But today - the day I was meant to despise, after months of all this torment and Hell - today’s the day I have had something coherent. And putting it in a nameless Discord server, a Pinterest comment or an Instagram story just wouldn’t cut it.

I want my coherence to be documented. I want to look at this and think - this was Stephanie’s first coherent day in what felt like an eternity.

I am slightly concerned that this coherence is not the sign of any kind of recovery, that I am not climbing the ladder back to becoming a whole, existing person (or even, a cockroach or a fly).

I worry that this coherence is a sign of the end. Sometimes when animals are about to die, they have a moment where it seems like they’re not.

Maybe that’s what makes my coherence so important to me today. Because a part of me believes this is proof that things are starting to fizz out.

I can feel other things too. I’ve had passion today, an excitement for living. That’s something that was removed from me back in March when It happened. I have the urge to create, the sudden confidence to begin existing again, the desire to eat, the lack of worry about it all. I have love. I feel cathartic. It’s so suspicious. I feel like I know what’s coming next.

So the more and more I think about this sudden coherence today, the more special this moment today becomes to me.

#tw sui #tw doom #tw nihilism #rambles #gooey #lopey personal #rambling #incoherent

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now? Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry? I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone? No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment? No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam? The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? Pro-choice.

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own? I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Replying late.

My favorite color is ______? Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____? Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals? Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading? I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today? Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice? Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger? I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk? I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries? Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know? My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished? Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have? Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines? My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from? We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift? Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? No.

Do you like fried rice? Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

#survey #surveys

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technicolordeams · 4 years

Text

So some things happened this past week since I wrote my last entry and I'm rethinking my stance on leaving or not. I was able to talk to the one girl who is befriending me and my pastor had a long talk about what makes me me and what I struggle with. I followed what my therapist told me to be which was to be more assertive. I felt very awkward and scared to do it but if I didn't, I'd end up right back where I was feeling anger and abandonment. So for now, I'm still on hold on what to choose to do.

But a couple other things popped up. Not too big but unsettling. My mind just blanked on one of them so I'll just type about the one that's stuck out the most to me right now since it happened literally within the past hour.

So obviously I have problems eating enough to keep my weight stable, let alone gain any without a LOT of work. I've been struggling with it since my gallbladder decided to take a shit on me and demand to be removed which happened on my birthday. During that time I started getting suicidal again and I hadn't dealt with those intense emotions regarding it in several years. But since December it decided to rear it's ugly head and bite into me as hard as it could ever since. It's been 8 months now with very little improvement. And during that time span my health has tanked. I developed breathing problems after my surgery which was horrific enough as it was (imagine not being fully awake but aware that you are out of control of your body and unable to utilize your coping techniques. Just like having a massive panic attack like seizure feeling but you are barely able to be aware of anything besides the viceral fear and blackness because I couldn't wake up. Just... Out of control. And you have no idea how long you were in that state before the nurse could sort of pull you out of it and even communicate more than like two words and slowly peek my eyes open a fraction. Yeah, that's what happened. I had major fear over that for at least a month. Sleeping was hard enough from the surgery and adding in that... Yeah no.) Anyways, since that started up and obviously after surgery it's hard to eat and stuff like that normally. But after the surgery I was (am) having breathing problems. I would have endless coughing fits that would even hit me and make me unable to take a full breath without coughing horribly whatever air I could get right back out. It also made me almost throw up several times (which is my biggest phobia that triggered my eating disorder to go out of control and send me into hospital stays and feeding tube hell). So at least I lost 10lbs since the surgery or even before that. I creep closer to 15lbs though most likely. I haven't been keeping track of it very much because of how much distress I've been dealing with. And I've been dealing with A LOT. Things I wonder if I will be able to get up from without more intense medical help that I probably can't get because of covid.

I've gone through several tests to see why I'm having coughing fits and every answer is that they don't see anything wrong. Well, the ENT appointment I went to the day before I went to see the pulmonary doctor really screwed me over tbh. The ENT doctor gave me steroids that day that I took that same night and told me that the pulls wouldn't affect the asthma test they were going to perform next day. It did. So I had to wait like two months before I could go back and be re-tested. But then covid hit and those practices have been closed ever since. So I can't get an accurate reading on what's going on. They did spot that I had some breathing abnormalities but because of the steroids, they couldn't say for sure. Mind you I had to literally book these doctor appointments and tell my dad you have to take me to these because he didn't think it was that important. Which has pretty much been like everything doctor related that has come up this past year. Just had to put my foot down and tell him I NEED to go to these and I'll be going whether you agree with me or not. Which adds to the distressed feeling and like I'm overreacting and being too paranoid or some shit. Also because I couldn't get actually tested for asthma properly, my regular doctor had to prescribe me with an inhaler but insurance won't help because I have not been diagnosed with it. So I had to cough up (almost literally) over a $100 for medicine that we don't know is right for me or not or whatever.. so that's like $60 every two months? Idk. Which is a lot considering I have a bunch of other bills to pay which includes when I got my wisdom teeth removed (ALL FIVEEE because I'm that extra) which cost $3,000. I have to pay my mom back for another at least year? I don't even know anymore at this point.

I've also been dealing with vision blackouts recently where I almost pass out when I get up here and there. My blood pressure tanked and went to like 70/52 and pulse all over the place. That's better now at least. Chronic fatigue, dehydration, can't sleep very well... Etc. Vitamin D and B12 are on the lower side of the normal range and my body isn't producing enough carbon dioxide.

Now along with all of this bag of shit, I have lost every friend I thought I had and the feeling that I can call anyone friend anymore. I am terrified of calling anyone a friend now because I am afraid that if I let someone in, I will be taken advantage of and lied to like I have in almost every type of relationship I've had since I was little. I am afraid of speaking because I am afraid what I say will offend or upset or whatever someone when all I do is mean well (usually unless you're an asshat). It has made me regress back to my childhood where I couldn't trust anyone and I had nobody except for a penpal on the east coast to keep me company through msn messenger, emails, or rarely phone calls. She was the only one I could call my best friend for a long time and the only one I could open up to about things and the only one who tried to consistently cheer me up when I was hospitalized at 16 by spamming me with emails. I will forever love her and no matter how far we've drifted apart over the years, I will still love her and respond to her as quickly as possible if she ever needed me again. But if we never talk again I'm okay with it. We were there for each other during really bad times in out lives and I like to think we kept each other somewhat sane. She has done more for me than I could ever ask anyone and I'll always be grateful to have "met" her.

But since all of the shit happened with my ex friends... I don't feel safe to get very close to anyone or open up to anyone. Even the girl who defended me and stuff when I was being bullied and manipulated hardly speaks to me now. I wouldn't want to talk to me very much either if all I had to talk about were extremely negative and talk about dying. I can hardly go to my parents about things. I am home alone with just my puppy that likes to get into mischief about 80% of the day. Hardly interact with people online. Usually I just now watch YouTube videos about what's going on with people. I find very little satisfaction playing video games or anything honestly. I have lost art, something that I loved dearly and way too much. I cannot go out most often due to my health. I am stuck at home. I can hardly go outside too. It's too hot (sometimes heat can trigger flashbacks), I found out I'm allergic to grass, and last week I broke out in hives from God knows what so I can't go outside even more. I was put on steroids again for 6 days which causes your immune system to weaken so it won't produce histamines that causes the INSANE itch because every topical and oral medicine OTC would barely help at all. All I do each day is very basic hygiene, sleep when I can, eat as much as I can, and try and relax while taking care of my puppy.

Only two good things has come from all of this: one, I can finally work with a trauma therapist. Hopefully she can help me. Two... Ah I forgot what the second one was actually. Maybe being able to talk to my psychiatrist more frequently? Not sure. I'm very tired right now again lol.

All I know is that I feel very much alone and there's nothing I can do about it. The world outside is extremely dangerous and I am trapped inside my mind too frequently. And there is no extra help I can get.

So all of this led up to my main grievance for today- so far at least lol long ass story to tell just to explain what I'm upset about. My mom earlier asked me if she could give me advice. I told her it depends on what it's about. But she said it anyways. Told me to check my weight each week. She knows I'm not in the most stable state of mind and she knows that me checking my weight constantly can cause a panic attack of it goes down. (thankfully it hasn't really in a month. Only reason why I know is because I had to go to my doctor's twice the past month) I told my dad what she said and he just told me to say okay and leave it at that.

I know I don't want to go back to the state I was in in 2017. I don't want to go through that hell again. Even if I did want to, there'd be way more restrictions with the threat of covid ravaging our place and infecting everyone there. When I pass the eating disorder clinic that I was forced in when I was 16, there is literally nobody there. Maybe a couple cars but they obviously are not treating kids right now. I may be wrong but it would be very dangerous. I know over at the ERC I went to in 2017 is extremely limiting any visitors from coming. The apartments when you graduate to living in temporarily while you go to just a day program only allow maybe two people to stay there at a time and instead of walking to the van pickup spot, they pick you up at your apartment. Psychiatric wards here, or at least one of them that my therapist and I talked about going to, is still slightly operational, but it's over Zoom. So you literally can't get very good support. If you fall off the deep end while at a meeting nothing can be done to help you right there and then if you run away from the meeting.

My psychiatrist told me that if I do feel that I'm in grave danger (I think the trauma therapist I met also said the same) was to go to the ER. But I am afraid to go to the ER and then be turned away quickly and also take a chance that I might catch Covid while there, not to mention the price... And since my parents are essential workers, any one of us could come down with it at any time or be a carrier without knowing. So I'm isolated from people in real life and I don't feel safe talking to anyone online as well. Even if I had someone who wanted to talk to me to begin with that isn't some creepy horny guy wanting pixel sex... I can't think of anyone who I could potentially talk to about anything in my life... I'm just so lost and afraid of both the virtual and real world... Who can I turn to besides my therapist, psychiatrist, or maybe parents depending on what is bothering me, and of course God? I'm told I need a support system. But I can only talk to the doctors so much and my parents aren't very good at being compassionate... I have no one.

I also think about how badly I want to be hospitalized for a little while just so I can get fluids and rest and proper care but that most likely will only happen unless suicide was a big risk.

I am utterly alone...

If anyone reads this long post to the end, you're a crazy human being. xD Going to stop rambling now and put the dishes away and put the pup away for his nap and try and get one in myself.

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rankdisasster · 4 years

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Five and Nine dearie! ;)

since you asked about all my stories, I have around 13-ish so this is basically a giant commentary for everything:)🤘🏼😃

hidden in plain sight

what part was hardest to write?

The fucking letters, jesus christ. I thought, ‘hey, wouldnt it be fun to have Billy’s point of view with him reading what she admires about him and make it super lovey dovey and sweet?’ and I almost gave up so many times cause fuck it was hard. Took over a week with switching the wording around and finding what flowed best. Also finding what didn’t sound creepy.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Nah, I mean I could’ve had their places switch, where he’s the one that writes to her... but I loved writing him feel all blushy and giddy over someone thinking of him like that.

look what you’ve done

what part was hardest to write?

After the fight and the ignoring and all that pent up anger being released, there was an awkward moment with all this tension between the two in her room - that was challenging for sure. Cause he was being a piece of shit and he himself knew it, she knew it, everybody knew it. But what took some thinking was to be able to show the guy he was before the fight and his insecurities getting the best of him.

were there alternate versions of this fic?

I dabbled with a lot of reasons why they’d fight, but Billy as a person is just sensitive and insecure and him seeing something like that, no matter how innocent or short the exchange could’ve been in reality with her and some nameless stranger could still set him off and trigger the monster he’s got hidden inside. I can’t remember other scenarios I had thought of but that one stuck to me.

sixteen

what part was hardest to write?

The relationship felt natural, like I could hear all the conversations they’ve had and seen everything they’d done together, I really really liked that dynamic but one stupid small part that killed me was writing the douchey boyfriend lol. Ultimately it’s such an insignificant part, so I scrapped any further drama with him and his deal because the story wasn’t supposed to be about him; it was supposed to be about her and Billy, their past, how it affected them both when they saw each other again after so long.

were there alternate versions of this fic?

None actually! I had it in my mind right off the bat that I wanted him to be nervous and caught off guard for once. like I said in the commentary for this, I know his personality, I know he’s quite used to thinking/believing he’s the most powerful in the room but I wanted that to change for this instance, and I strayed away from having him be untouchable or macho in any way.

whipped

what part was hardest to write?

THE KIDS. I’ve never ever written them before, and I even debated watching a few episodes before tackling it.... but I didn’t and I think I pulled it off alright. I loved their humor. I knew Dustin was always being a paranoid goofball, Lucas as the same without all the anxiety or nerdy interests, Mike as impatient and pessimistic, and Will as being very quiet. So yeah, I overcame that doubt and just did what I thought felt right.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

I thought a lot about what movie they’d watch - like a rom com would’ve been pretty funny too, but I had to have him tease and scare the kids so I made their movie of the night thing be Nightmare on Elm Street😂

punch-drunk love

what was the hardest part to write?

A lot of this flowed easy and generally wasn’t stressful at all. Describing him as a fun drunk was a blast. Thinking of what he would he say if he had no filter and felt on top of the world. I can’t think of anything that I was held back by this time, it all came out in just a couple hours when I should’ve been sleeping lol.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

When I was brainstorming by myself I thought it would just be more smutty and desperate or even a little more sad. I had it planned that she’d reject him initially, but then I got an ask that changed the game and I’m really proud of how it turned out.

naive

what part was hardest to write?

I hardly went over it or stressed much other than tweaking a few details, but plot was pretty self explanatory - I think the most difficult part to write was all the possible ways there could’ve been scenarios where he could’ve mislead her

were there any alternate versions of this fic?

I almost wanted to write them in class but thought him on lifeguard duty would’ve been more engaging and had a lot more to go off of

old habits die hard

what part was hardest to write?

Literally everything. every. single. PART about writing people have sex is challenging, omg. Foreplay....down to kissing.....then down to actually fucking, I got red the whole time. Especially after posting it I’d almost pissed myself ‘cause it’s so nerve wracking putting smut out there holy christ.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

I wanted to get into their marriage and relationship but.... tbh I thought everyone would just skip it and get to the good stuff. So yeah there was probably an almost started version on my phone where I had backstory on how he proposed and all but thought no one would care too much lol.

obstacle 1

what part was hardest to write?

Hurt/comfort is a little challenging when you wanna do it differently. I wanted to sway away from her being this perfect female caregiver that knows exactly what to say and what to do cause that’s just so hard to picture when it comes to real life and all, not that I’m mixing fiction and life it’s just sometimes hard to believe that every girl is perfect at taking care of a guy breaking down.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Nothing too different, I reasoned in my head how he’d get into trouble cause there are infinite ways Billy could’ve fucked up but.... stealing chocolate is pretty funny and juvenile, and he knew it too, but he’d absolutely still get his ass whooped anyway.

playing hooky

what part was hardest to write?

I found it hard to know what they’d do after she got blasted, cause.....what would two teenagers do in a small town skipping school? Also easily taking personal experience for her snapping and getting tired of her careful image cause everybody had these impossibly high expectations for her, but what they’d get up to doing that was ‘illegal’ that they could get arrested for took some time to think about.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

At first I pictured them maybe like breaking in somewhere they weren’t supposed to, hence the ‘we could get arrested’ line, but skinny dipping was my favorite pitch.

thick as thieves

what part was hardest to write?

The ending gave me a tough time, I had to think whether or not if I’d forgive someone for doing that shit to me. It’s happened before, to everybody and myself, the pains of drifting apart and the jealousy that comes with seeing them blossom and become social butterflies, the joys of being in high school... Oh and I’m still working on another part:)

were there alternate versions of this fic?

I dabbled with lots of ideas but I knew I wanted two friends growing apart, a push/pull between their relationship...I don’t remember what else I had planned that I ditched.

the craft (1996)

what part was hardest to write?

Maybe the love spell part. I wanted to write it as severe and dramatic as possible, and really show how desperate and gone he was.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Hmm, I based this off the film and it does show a lot more about the girl group besides the love spell bit, but I wanted it to focus on that cause it was more interesting fucking with Billy. I liked how dark both the movie and the fic was

in utero

what part was hardest to write?

My obstacle with this one was creating this female Billy in my head, which to me was basically a flawed, outrageous, outgoing/promiscuous high school girl who makes a mistake. Writing him pining was definitely enjoyable, and him practicing his lines on how he’d say how he felt and stuff. The wording was switched around a ton, but I’m fairly happy with it. It’s not perfect, he stutters and trails off because he’s nervous, but in it’s own way I think it’s a perfect display of an insecure guy summoning up any courage he has and trying to shoo away any doubt.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Oh man, tons of ideas came to my head with this one. I wondered if maybe she could’ve never gotten ‘rid’ of ‘it’ and then they run off in the sunset, raise ‘it’ together.... Billy maturing and finding a home with their own family. BUT the reason I chose the path she took was because she’s just a kid, fresh from high school, had no idea what she was gonna do with no money other than visit her best friend. I think she knew she didn’t want it and couldn’t stand the guy who put her in this position, so she ran.

— so there it all is, kudos to you if you actually read this far down and to anyone who has reblogged or commented on any of these.... THANKYOU🖤🥰✨

And especially thanks to Haiden cause you’re the best

#ask #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fic rec

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j0ebay · 4 years

Text

Kiss Me Goodbye... Chapter 7

Warning(s): swearing, this is probably trash tbh

Word Count: 3891

A/N: At long long last this chapter is hecking done!!! I’m really super duper sorry this took 5ever to come out. BUT I’m really stoked this chapter is finally out so enjoy and feedback is deeply appreciated!! 💙

series masterlist

add yourself to my taglist!!

chapter 6 chapter 8

an extra thank you to @starksmile for the amazing moodboard!!

“Now he’s gone. I don’t know why and to this day sometimes I cry. He didn’t even say goodbye. He didn’t take the time to lie.” -Nancy Sinatra

The following morning, Lindsey wakes up with arms wrapped around her. She looks down and smiles to see the same bandaged hands from last night meeting together at her hip. She lightly chuckles- Harrison was always a cuddler. Lindsey slowly pries his hands off her and makes her way down the stairs to the kitchen. Treks over to the fridge, passing a distracted Harry Holland, sitting at the kitchen table, typing away on his laptop.

“Did you eat?” She asks, breaking the brunette from his trance.

“Nah,” He mumbles, still deep in concentration.

“Well I’m gonna make some eggs ‘n toast. Should I add you to the order?” She asks in a soft tone.

Harry scoffs.

“You really are a fuckin waitress aren’t you?” He looks up from his laptop. “Sounds great, Linds. Thank you,” He adds sincerely.

Lindsey lets out a breathy chuckle.

“Gimme a break, Holland. You guys stole me from my job,” Earning another laugh from Harry.

There's a few minutes of comfortable silence before Lindsey walks over to him with another cup of tea and the plate of food.

“Am I allowed to know what you’re so diligently searching?” She asks.

Harry lets out a sigh before taking a sip of tea and shoveling eggs into his mouth.

“How long have you been up anyway?” She questions, softly.

“Too long” He responds, mouth full of food.

Harry swallows and takes another sip of tea.

“And to answer your first question, it's nothing too drastic. But, if it’s one thing Gideon Fuller made me promise him, it’s not to involve you in anything until you’re ready for it.”

Lindsey lets out a heavy sigh and nods.

“If it's one thing my dad was, it’s stubborn.”

Harry scowls at the image on his computer. Chad Powell. He recognized the picture as the man who dropped you off last night. No criminal record, no blatant mafia affiliation, squeaky clean but still acting suspicious based on what he heard about the date the night prior.

“Lindsey?” Harry asks, closing his laptop slightly, shielding Lindsey from the screen.

The woman raises her eyebrows with a mouth full of eggs and toast, prompting Harry to go on.

“Do you think you’re going to keep seeing Chad?” He asks her, voice dropping a few octaves and decibels.

“Your tone concerns me, Mr. Holland,” She responds, “Please continue”

Harry sighs.

“I mean, what ever happened with Harrison? Last time I checked, you were, like, madly in love with him. And, granted the last time I checked was high school but it still seems like it.”

“I wouldn’t call it madly in love with him. And what? You don’t like him?” She asks, eyebrow quirked.

She wasn’t about to admit to someone she saw as her younger brother and also one of Harrison’s best friends, that seeing her old flame of sorts, especially now, ignited a fire in her that she hadn’t felt with anyone else. Now, thinking about it, that feeling seemed to fill the gap in her life she didn’t know she wanted filled. But, she wasn’t about to admit that.

Harry opens up.

“To be honest Lindsey, I don't. I don’t know what it is but something doesn’t seem right. He seemed kind of sketchy when I met him,”

Lindsey scoffs.

“Did you maybe think that he seemed sketchy when you met him because he was, I don’t know, nervous?”

Harry clenches his jaw.

“You said he checked his phone every 30 minutes or so to send updates right? Lindsey, we do that when we’re doing meetings and things with other bosses. I can’t imagine why he would do that other than that reason”

“Harry, I don’t know if it’s because he’s making me happy for the first time in a while, or because it’s not Haz. But, I like this guy a lot and it’s really shitty of you to not only dictate who I go out with but try to justify it by him being shady, WHICH HE IS NOT BY THE WAY”

Lindsey sighs and pinches her nose.

“I-I just don’t know. Everything is just too much right now”

Harry meets her gaze.

“Do you still love him?” He murmurs, barely above earshot.

“What’s too much?” Asks the gravelly, sleep ridden voice of Harrison Osterfield.

Lindsey and Harry whip their heads around. There they see the sweatshirt clad, wispy haired man, standing at the open refrigerator.

“Juice?” He turns around and asks the two at the table.

“I’m good- I thought you were still sleeping?” Lindsey deflects.

Harrison sighs, sets down his glass of orange juice to the right of Lindsey and wraps his arms around her sitting figure.

“The bed got cold” He mutters into her neck.

Harry raises his eyebrows at the girl and she rolls her eyes at him.

“So complete 180” Lindsey starts as Harrison sits down.

Tom struts into the room already dressed and makes himself a cup of tea.

“180 from what, darling?”” He asks.

“Okay great you’re all here cause I’ve been sitting on something ever since,” She pauses to gesticulate in the air.

“Since I found out about your, uh-”

“-Business?” Tom asks, playfully.

Lindsey stifles her laughter.

“So um, you guys are saying I’m in danger and I have no clue what the hell my dad made you promise to him for you guys to swoop back into my life and play knights in shining armor. Which I’m grateful for, don't get me wrong, thank you so much for all of this. To put it bluntly, do you guys have any idea how long I’ll be staying here?”

All the boys smiles’ drop. Harrison reaches for her hand.

“I dunno Linds,” Tom sighs.

Harry chimes in.

“We’ve started to narrow things down, but it’s just been the usual suspects in the pool” He mutters, running his fingers through his curly hair.

“Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing” Harrison chimes in.

“How?” Lindsey scoffs.

Harrison bites the inside of his cheek, contemplating if he should go on or not.

“Please someone tell me how this isn’t terrible?” She asks barely above a whisper, rubbing her thumb across his hand.

Harrison squeezes her hand in response.

“I-It’s just, we haven’t heard anything about you in our, well, work community. So it’s not a bad thing that no one’s actively targeting you. But it’s also a matter of ‘Are people keeping their plans about you under wraps? Do they really not know about you? Was whoever was following you that night just some John who liked what they saw and we’re all just being paranoid?’ Y’know?”

Lindsey nods, thoughtfully.

“So it’s going to be a while isn’t it?” Lindsey asks, feeling everything in her chest sink to her feet.

“Probably” Tom responds somberly.

He tries to find the glimmer of hope he always finds in her eyes, but he just can’t.

“W-What about my job? Do I at least get to call them and say ‘Hey something’s come up and I can’t be coming in for a while’? Do I get to say goodbye to my kids? Do I get to wish them luck on the show they’re working so diligently on? Or am I just gonna have someone from your “mob” following me constantly like a protective detail?” Lindsey questions on the brink of tears.

“We’ll take care of it, darling. Don’t worry everything will be taken care of” Harrison soothes, squeezing her hand again.

“Well can I at least go get the rest of my stuff? I only have stuff for the week that you guys got” Lindsey asks.

Maybe if she could just go home she could feel more at peace with the situation.

“That Chris guy knew exactly where you lived. It's a public record. The last thing any of us needs is some guy surprising you when you’re alone in your room” Tom exhales, rubbing his temples.

Lindsey’s heart drops as she feels tears well in her eyes.

“Linds I’ll take you shopping or something. It’ll be great. We could talk about literally anything. Plus, you always talked about the joys of retail therapy” Harry adds, trying to take her mind off of things.

While Harry and Lindsey leave to go shopping, Harrison is tasked with making sure everyone’s paying up on time, everything is in order and that his best mob boss friend isn’t carrying too much work on his shoulders. He knocks on the door with the gold plate reading “Tom Holland” and enters.

“How’s it going man?” Harrison asks the brown eyed mobster.

Tom nods and responds.

“Pretty good, I guess. Nothing is outright troublesome other than the stuff we already know about. Everything in your field normal?”

Harrison nods.

“Good, good,” Tom mutters.

“Maybe all the douchebags and lowlifes decided to take the day off” Harrison suggests, prompting the two men to laugh.

“So,” Tom starts, breaking the silence.

“So?” Harrison asks in response.

“You’re getting pretty close with Lindsey, there”

Harrison raises his eyebrows “And?”

Tom runs a hand through his hair.

“Is this going to be a repeat of high school?”

Harrison eyebrows snap together.

“What do you mean?” “Mate, you wouldn’t shut up about her. Both of you wouldn’t shut up about each other, in fact. And none of you would make real moves on each other” Tom chuckles.

“Anyway,” Harrison says just a little too quickly. “Any headway on who was trying to get into your parents’ stuff?”

Tom lets out a heavy sigh and shakes his head

“Ten bucks says it’s one of Harding’s guys. But, there’s nothing to actually back that up so until then...,” he trails off and shrugs.

Harrison nods as Tom continues.

“I mean, my main concern is Lindsey. Like don’t get me wrong, my parents are fine, my dad’s still got some tricks up his sleeve and they’re the ones with the dog. But Linds on the other hand-”

“She only has us and no knowledge of protocol whatsoever” Harrison interjects.

“I mean don’t get me wrong she has all the self defense stuff she learned from Gideon. But, my main concern is, will it be enough to keep her all safe ‘n feisty if and when she gets affiliated with us?” Tom asks.

Harrison’s eyebrows knit together.

“Do you think she’ll be a long term partner?” Harrison asks, directing his gaze upwards at Tom.

He sighs and shrugs his shoulders

“I honestly don’t know. She seemed pretty horrified when she found out about us. But now, she seems to be warming up to it. She just seemed more concerned about our safety than anything else. I guess it all depends on when you get a ring on that girl’s finger” Tom chuckles at his own joke.

Harrison shoots Tom a knowing glance and flips him off.

“So, nothing else on your end you need help with?”

Harry and Lindsey sit in the food court of the crowded mall, indulging in their lunches.

“So what kinda shit do you need anyway?” Harry yells to Lindsey, trying to speak over the loads of people surrounding them.

“It depends,” Lindsey responds following a heavy sigh.

Harry has a puzzled look written all over his face. Anyone can read that man like a book. “On what?” He questions.

“Well,” Lindsey trails off, trying to contain her laughter.

“How comfortable are you going into Victoria’s Secret?”

Harry chokes on his food.

“What could you possibly need from Victoria’s Secret?”

Lindsey finally cracks up in hysterical laughter.

“Lingerie for Harrison, duh” Lindsey jokes between laughs.

Harry covers his ears.

“TMI TMI TMI lalalalala I can’t hear you” Harry partially yells.

Lindsey laughs even harder than before.

“Harry, you know I’m kidding. I just need the basic bras, panties, that kinda thing. Which, in all honesty if you’re not cool with going in there or if we get kicked out, I’m one million percent okay with going somewhere else” She explains.

Harry lets out a small chuckle. He can’t believe he forgot how conscious and caring for other people Lindsey is.

“I’m fine going in there but I can’t promise we’ll be in there for very long. But, then again, I have no idea- You alright, Linds?”

That last sentence was a blur. All Lindsey could feel was tingles in the back of her neck while only hearing the nagging of her subconscious.

“Turn around. Someone’s watching you”

“Turn over your right shoulder. There’s someone watching you. You’re in danger. Danger. Danger”

“Lindsey?” Harry asks.

Lindsey whips her head back around to face her friend.

“What?” She questioned, clearly zoned out of the conversation.

Harry sighs.

“You know he can’t hurt you anymore”

Lindsey nods, still distant.

“Linds, repeat after me. Chris Maxwell is dead. He can’t get to you anymore” Harry insists.

He hates seeing his friend like this. “Then why do I still feel eyes on me?” She mutters taking a look around the food court once more.

Harry scans the room, trying to see if anyone is being blatant about watching her.

“I don’t see anyone, Lindsey. C’mon let's go grab some more things you need, yeah? I know Tom said no apartment but maybe I can run and grab some things for ya if you want” He encourages.

Lindsey’s eyes light up.

“Really? Cause there was this super cute silver bodycon dress that I totally left there and if this whole thing clears up or maybe if I end up going out with Chad again I could wear that”

Harry chuckles.

“You’re really into this Chad guy huh?”

Lindsey sighs and clears her burgundy hair out of her face.

“I dunno, Har. Like I love Haz ‘n all but there’s no real moves made y’know. It’s all sweet words and cuddles with him. But it’s hard to gauge if he actually feels, or I guess felt, things for me or if that’s just how he expresses friendship. Chad on the other hand, is actually making moves and expressing things, y’know?.”

Harry nods, understanding. She pauses and checks her phone.

“Especially now,” She adds, “Because he just asked me to dinner tonight”

Harry’s eyes widen.

“Dang”

He pulls out his phone and writes out a text to Harrison.

Harry Holland() Mate, I have no idea wtf is going on between you and Linds. But if you still feel things for her you gotta make real moves and fast cause she just thinks its friendly shit

“Alright. Where next m’lady?”

Harry asks, offering his hand to a giggling Lindsey.

Harry was a good distraction for her. That was obvious. But somehow somewhere, Lindsey was still hearing her subconscious whisper

“Look over your left shoulder. Someone’s got their eyes on you. Just turn, turn, turn” And once again, she obliges to her thoughts.

Harrison looks at his phone and sighs. Harry has just confirmed what has been nagging in the back of his mind ever since he saw her for the first time in the diner. He turns his head around when he heard the front door open and shut.

“Hello?” He hears the angelic voice of Lindsey grace the household.

“What did you get, love?” Harrison asks, looking at the bags in her hand.

“I think I have successfully traumatized the big, scary mobster, Harry Holland” She giggles as his cheeks turn a bright crimson.

Harrison’s eyebrows snap together in confusion.

“Whadya mean?”

Lindsey says nothing and holds up the square Victoria’s Secret bag. Harrison mouth forms into a silent “Oh”

She giggles and runs upstairs with her things.

“How is she?” Harrison asks with a quirked eyebrow.

“As expected, I guess” Harry murmurs.

“What do you mean?” Harrison asks, voice full of concern.

“She still keeps looking over her shoulder. She’s convinced that someone’s following her” Harry sighs.

“Well, this isn't necessarily cause she ‘has me in her pocket’,” Harrison starts, making air quotes.

“But, is it really that irrational of a thing to think of? I mean, need I remind you that someone tried to find information on Gideon Fuller’s whole family? Not just Gideon but Denise and Lindsey as well”

Harry’s eyebrows raise.

“You think it’s the same person?”

“It could very much be” Harrison responds, eyes wide like saucers in realization that he was onto something.

“You go take care of her, I’ll fill Tom in,” Harry says and speeds off to his brother’s office.

The unidentified brunette man sits in his hotel room, fresh out of the shower. Hair wet, towel on his waist, he decides to get himself into some clothes. Now clad in a black v neck, fitting his muscles perfectly and some plaid pajama pants, the man haphazardly dries his hair and looks over the files sitting on the polished table. He’s pulled out of his concentrated state by the familiar sound of his ringtone.

“Yeah,” he answers, voice raspy as he hadn't had much to say.

“Yeah I have eyes on her,” He confirms, smirking at the master plan.

“No, boss, they have no idea,” The man reassures with whoever is on the other line.

“The only one posing a somewhat threat to the plan is the right hand, Osterfeld” He briefs the person as well as going through it for himself.

“Problem? No. Definitely not. I can easily neutralize him,” He boasts

“Yeah,” He confirms.

“The second he gets in my way he’s getting taken out. This information on Fuller is too good to pass up”

As Lindsey goes on her date, Harrison is in Tom’s office, plotting. Tom glances over at his right hand man to see him gazing off into the distance. Harrison can’t stop thinking of Lindsey, his Lindsey, looking absolutely stunning on the dress Harry brought for her. Her burgundy hair was straight, her makeup was done, she looked flawless as per usual. But, she’s always flawless. Chad probably doesn’t see that. Chad doesn’t deserve a beauty like her. Who does he even think he is?

“Harrison,” Tom says, snapping him out of his trance.

Harrison trains his bright blue eyes on his best friend and right away Tom knows something’s up. “Alright, man. Spill. Where’s your head at?”

Harrison sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy she’s happy. But what did this Chad guy even do to deserve to go out with her? She’s so gorgeous and funny and perfect. And Harry texted me earlier and basically said I needed to make my move because she was teetering between me and him. Tom, what if I’m too late?” He pauses as he starts to feel himself choke up.

“W-what if this is the man she’s gonna marry and I’m left high and dry? I know there have been girls in the past and like you always say there’s women throwing themselves at us being ‘dangerous sexy mobsters’ or whatever. But I don’t want anyone else. I want her”

In all the years of friendship and partnership between Harrison and Tom, Tom has never seen Harrison get choked up like this. Tom lets out a sigh, breaking the silence.

“I mean,” He begins, pausing to wet his lips and find the correct words to console his friend with.

“It’s clear she loves you. Whether it's seen as platonic love or more than that, that’s up to you two. However, as much as it hurts, it’s not up to you to decide who she dates and this Chad guy seems to make her pretty happy. But, then again, so do you. It’s kind of a rough process trying to decipher this, man. Try not to think about it too much,”

Harrison nods and sniffles.

“What do I do?” He inquires his best friend.

“If it were me, I would come clean to her. Tell her everything you just told me. Because, if it’s one thing I know about Lindsey Fuller’s feelings about you, it’s confusion. She doesn’t know if all the PDA you guys do is platonic or something else. But, it’s not me, it’s you. So, it’s not my place to tell you how to go about this,”

The blue eyed man nods to Tom.

“But,” Tom continues, “Right now, we can’t change that she’s on her date. So, good that we got all her feeling out but let's figure out who’s meddling in our crime family”

Harrison makes his way up to his bedroom. He had heard Lindsey enter the house, but, he was so caught up in the work he and Tom had started. This is it. Harrison is going to confess what has been eating at him since he first saw her. As he walks up the stairs to his room, he gives himself a small pep talk.

“You got this, Osterfield,” He thinks to himself.

“Tom said she’s into you, Harry insists she’s into you. Why would she not be into you?”

He opens the door to his bedroom, the gateway of so many sweet and caring memories between the two of them, only to see Lindsey... packing her things?

“Hey” He greets her, voice unintentionally giving hints of confusion and startling her from her mind.

“Oh! Hey” Lindsey gasps.

“You scared me!” She giggles brushing stray hairs out of her face.

“How was the date?” Harrison asks gently, not wanting to startle her any more.

Lindsey smiles that sweet smile making Harrson’s knees weak every single time.

“It was really good actually,” She beams before continuing “How’s everything here?” Lindsey asks him.

“Ugh it’s full of work. But, it’s good work, y’know? We do the shit law enforcement won’t- What are you doing?” Harrison asks as she continues to pack her things.

“Oh sorry, I’m still listening, don't worry! I’m just packing up” She answers pausing to bashfully scratch the back of her neck.

“Why, darling?” Harrison queries, walking over to grab both her hands

“I’m-uh, I think I’m gonna stay in the guest room from now on, Haz” Lindsey mumbles, finding a new fascination with the floor.

“Any reason why you’re moving out of here?” Harrison questions, trying and failing to find her gaze.

“Yeah I just- I just don’t want to be weighing you down by staying in your room and um...” She trails off.

Harrison brings his index finger to her chin and lifts her head up to meet his gaze.

“And what, love?” He asks, ocean eyes full of concern.

“Haz,” She whispers, while moving away from him and shaking her head.

“We can’t do this anymore, Harrison” She murmurs, shakily.

Harrison feels a hard pang in his chest like his heart is causing him physical pain. His head feels like it’s spinning and all he wants to do is wake up with his girl next to him “W-Why?” He asks, barely above a whisper.

“Harrison, Chad and I are a thing now. And, all the PDA stuff we do, I-I just I don’t wanna piss him off or offend him y’know?” She explains.

All Harrison can do is nod as Lindsey continues.

“You know I love you, Hazza and everything we do for each other. But, that stuff can be easily misinterpreted”

Harrison nods again.

“I hope he makes you happy” He chokes out, voice cracking just a little.

And with that, the girl of his dreams leaves his bedroom, confirming his worst nightmare has become a reality.

TAGLIST

strikethrough means it’s not letting me tag you (shoot me a message!!)

Everything

@were-all-gay-down-here @saturn-aka-six @theasexualbunny@marvelismylifffe @Spiderdudeparker @summertime-acoustic @39-seas-of-rhye

Hollands & Haz

@sincerelygmg @nishanki1 @babyplutoszx2

Kiss Me Goodbye

@tomshufflepuff

Groupchat

@lamptracker @girl-in-the-chair @casualprincess77 @musiclover1263 @sendspidermanpics @babiexarmy

#harrison osterfield #mob au #mob!au #mob!haz #mob!harrison #mob!harrison osterfield #kiss me goodbye #harrison osterfield x oc #harrison osterfield x reader

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ruffboijuliaburnsides · 4 years

Note

Know You Uncomfortably Well: 5, 8, 9, 12, 23, 24, 28, 33, 35, 38, 46, 50, 67, 86, 87 (you /did/ ask for it, my friend :p)

haha I did indeed, and you are ridiculous. *cracks knuckles* HERE WE GO!

5. What is your favorite color?

Purple! Specifically purples along this sort of palatte:

8. Where are you from?

Arizona, originally! But upstate new york is legitimately where my heart lies and where Birdie and I ultimately plan to return to one day.

9. How tall are you?

5′4.75″ ...It’s actually closer to 5′4.5″ but well it all comes out about 164cm in the end.

12. What was your last dream about?

So I don’t tend to remember my dreams very well, but they always tend to be very cinematic and don’t always even involve me, though some of them do. Always there’s a plot, even if I can’t remember what the plot is.

The last one I still have some vague memory of I was living in some sort of fascist sort of 1984-ish state, but all slick and 2000s modern and stuff. And I was in a resistance with Penn & Teller for some reason? And somehow they were still celebrities? It was bizarre.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I have! I think there’s only two that weren’t like. Popular Christian Musicians From The Late 90s/Early Aughts, and those were Alice Cooper (who was very nice and thought the story I told him about how when my mom was in college he performed near her and she hopped the fence at the tiny local airport his private plane had landed in and stuck her gum to the bottom of it before going to the concert was VERY funny).

And the other one I actually knew before he was a celebrity but I think it still counts? But I was kind of quasi-adopted as a little sister sort of person by Kellan Lutz’s mom? Uh, he was in the Twilight movies, I forget the guy’s name, the big jock one of the Cullens? I also babysat his younger brothers, and Kellan taught me how to play Pokemon Snap in his living room. This was when he was in high school, obviously - he was a year older than me and I thought he was super nice. I basically lived at their house for a couple years.

24. Baths or showers?

Depends on what I want/need out of it. If it’s just “I want to get clean and maybe warm”, showers every time especially if there’s not a good deep tub available. If I want to soak to help my joints/muscles hurt less or if my spoons are low for standing, then baths.

My kingdom for either a LARGE tub with a separate shower that fits a shower chair, or one of those walk-in sitting tubs with a shower attachment.

28. What type of music do you like?

ALL KINDS. Seriously, I have yet to run into a type of music that I don’t like ANYTHING from that genre, though I’m pickier about some things like heavy metal or country. But I really like kind of. Indie Rock circa the early aughts? Not even rock, just like. Indie rock/pop/folk/country/whatever that weird thing that was going on like. Norah Jones, Ingrid Michaelson, Rilo Kiley, Neko Case, Sara Bareilles... idk there’s a similar through line to a lot of them? ...Maybe it’s just they’re all girls man idk XD But also Give Me Mountain Goats. I love The Mountain Goats.

I just like songs, generally. Fuck genre, often even fuck artist bc there are many artists who I only really listen to a couple of songs from and don’t really get into the other stuff they do.

Also filk. Seanan and Vixy & Tony and SJ Tucker and all sorts of fun fantasyish folk.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I mean, often “nothing”, or “I grab some crackers or a boost shake to get me through until lunch”. I don’t actually like eating right after I’ve woken up? But sometimes I’ll have cereal or toast.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

*sobs into hands* OK so when we were living in Florida, my friend Dorian and I actually used to go to an archery class every week, and it was SO FUN. But then he got a new job and couldn’t do it anymore, and he was my ride and I tried going alone but it just wasn’t the same, but I did graduate to the intermediate class before I stopped going. I MISS IT SO FUCKING MUCH.

I’d really like to take it back up again, but I don’t have anywhere to practice or anything, so it’s difficult.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I think 72 hours, if you don’t count 10 minutes of being conscious but just *grazing* the edges of sleep and then getting woken up again before I could actually sleep.

When the insomnia passed, I slept for like 16 hours straight with two quasi-conscious points when I went to pee.

46. What is your personality type?

Like, from a test or just in general? In general I think I’m a pretty optimistic but dreamy person. Creative, not great at motivation, prefer working alone or with one trusted partner I already know to groups, like my alone time, etc. I did take a couple personality tests to answer tho!:

(from here)

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed but I keep trying occasionally to cultivate left handedness in myself. Something I’ve been trying to do since I was like 11 (I never stick at it long enough for it to work, ftr) initially because I was deeply paranoid I would get leukemia and have to get my right arm amputated (I was a weird kid) and I wanted to not have to re-learn how to write while dealing with all that, but then moving forward just ‘cause it would be cool to be able to do, especially when like, I’m trying to do an essay test and my hand is cramping up.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Well, I didn’t think so and i probably couldn’t do it without a map or a list of what I’ve already named, but I took a test and got 100% sooooo...

86. What are you allergic to?

Tylenol and cantaloupe! Also possibly aspirin. None of them like LIFE THREATENING but tylenol has increased in severity of symptoms every time I’ve taken it since I was little and the last time I tried I got a REALLY itchy throat and mouth and it felt like things were swollen and making breathing not DIFFICULT but at least very mildly obstructed, so it’s probably for the best not to take it again, y’know?

87. Do you keep a journal?

I don’t. I used to, when I was in high school I had like four thick journals that had like, those fancy cloth/beaded covers and handmade paper that was really popular for a while in the early aughts? Including one that had a leather wrap cover that was entirely in tengwar and cirith from Lord of the Rings - not from a website, but my own interpretation of the charts and linguistic information provided in the Lord of the Rings appendices. So that no one could read my diary.

I’ve lost the journals and the tengwar chart I’d made but I can more or less rebuild it with the variety of options you can find online, but it’s a sort of mishmash and I definitely didn’t stick to one language’s usage of certain letters, and I developed certain shorthand quirks - some of which were used by tolkien and some of which weren’t - that would make it very difficult to transcribe that journal even if you were working off the specific variant of the tengwar alphabet that I’d been using. I don’t think even I could do it anymore tbh, if I were to find that journal. In my defense, it’s been nearly 20 years since I kept it, so. XD

GET TO KNOW ME UNCOMFORTABLY WELL

#askbox meme #holy shit dude SO MANY QUESTIONS #the library alcove #audience with the gods

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crazy-loca-blog · 5 years

Text

Personal thoughts on Bachelorette Party, Ch. 4

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

I’ve said it before, and I’m saying something quite similar now: PB didn’t create this book to be only a “bachelorette party”. I’m more and more convinced that the bachelorette party is just an excuse to get into some deeper stuff. And we could see a glimpse of it in this chapter… but I don’t know how I feel about it.

I mean… there’s no doubt that our MC doesn’t want Diana to get married (and I think we all agree with her). Also, it’s pretty obvious that she would like to see Courtney having a more “real” relationship (maybe Mario Bautista is “the one” for her? At least he said he wanted to see her again). And of course, she’d prefer to see that Aisha has some “safer” life instead of living under constant risk. AND IT’S FINE, she worries about her friends. But at the same time I feel conflicted because it seems we haven’t seen our friends in a long time (years maybe?), that we haven’t been in touch for a while and that we haven’t been as close as we used to be in college (even though the friendship seems to be intact). So I don’t really know if it’s my MC’s mission to make her friends figure out if they feel they’re doing the right thing with their lives yet… I mean, I wouldn’t mind having a little more of background on their stories over the years (especially for Courtney and Diana) before giving them some advice!

On the other hand… can we just talk about how sweet the male LIs are? I can’t help it… it’s like the sweetest thing I’ve seen so far. I love how Ash and Reed are worried about how our MC feels, how they both ask her about it and how they both listen to her. I don’t want to think that they just ask her because they want to romance her, it would seriously break my heart to realize that’s the only reason why they ask. I want to think that they do it because they care. And it’s cute, it’s a nice detail, especially because they do it so respectfully that it just feels right to give them a sincere answer. And that’s a point where our girls haven’t fulfilled my expectations yet. I love them, but the fact that they were happy about our MC breaking up with her ex and didn’t say a word about how much they hated him/her during the relationship (this is a very girly thing, tbh!) makes me feel like they won’t ask our MC how she’s feeling any time soon.

What can we expect to happen in future chapters? Honestly, the last two chapters have felt like fillers to me. Nice chapters, well written, fun to read… but fillers. Nothing special has happened, we haven’t seen the kind of stuff that makes a great impact on the plot yet. So I’m pretty sure that we’ll start facing some real drama in future chapters. We already know that Diana’s fiancé will be travelling to Vegas after a video of the girls chasing Frank went viral (there’s no way that this relationship will end up in a marriage, but I don’t think they’ll break up yet)… and I’m soooo ready to defend my girl! She’ll leave Vegas over my dead body! Also, we know that Ash has some lead on the case, so they’ll probably develop that plot, too… and I feel things will go shady… or at least shadier than they’ve been so far.

However, I’m still curious about some stuff. Aisha lost the case… Courtney, Diana and the MC are Aisha’s friends… Frank is the guy who stole the case… Ash is helping us to find the case. As we may notice, every important character we’ve seen in this book seems to be connected to the case, except two of them: Skip and Reed. As I said some chapters ago, I wouldn’t be surprised if Skip is related to the case in a shady way (let’s remember he’s a politician… maybe he’s receiving some illegal funding for his campaign?). But have you noticed how, after four chapters, Reed seems to be the only one that doesn’t have any type of connection with the rest of the characters in this story? It’s like he has his own plot that consists on taking our MC on dates or meeting her at the bar… that’s beyond weird! Actually, depending on your choices, he may or may not know about the existence of the case. Maybe he’s not a doctor as he claims to be? Maybe I’m just being paranoid and he’ll end up helping us in future chapters? I want to think he’s kind of a piece that’s missing in this puzzle and that he’ll end up being involved on this as well, but I have no idea how he’ll be a part of it.

#playchoices #choices stories you play #choices bp #choices bachelorette party #bachelorette party #mandy berg #courtney van ness #aisha bhatt #diana #ash tanaka #reed hanson #ash x mc #reed x mc #aisha x mc #aisha bhatt x mc #reed hanson x mc #ash tanaka x mc

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that-was-anticlimactic · 5 years

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My First Ninjago OC(!): Ramona Mendoza(!)

Meet Ramona Mendoza!

Ahh umm I’m finally posting this akdbwkndkd I’ve been so nervous!

My lovely friend @rain-speckled-window drew her for me because I can’t draw! This is the first draft of a picture of her! (I mentioned Ramona a few weeks ago and then got busy so if anyone likes hearing about OC’s I’m sorry it’s late:/)

Name: Ramona Mendoza

Element: Corrosion

Abilities Include: Corrosion Inducement (basically corroating metals and such), Ferrokinetic Invisiblity, Metal Dust Manipulation, manipulate the properties of corroded metals, move and lift corroded metals

Weapon: spear (... I think... I’m having trouble choosing a weapon)

Appearance: South Asian, darker skin, thick layered super dark brown hair that falls just below shoulders, around 5’7 1/2- not super short but not super tall either-, not super lanky more of a little chubby I suppose, like Nya she’s got a mole on her cheek.

Color: A tanish brown with some pale yellowish

Personality: more on the reserved / laid back side of things, super clever / witty / sarcastic, despite being more reserved she is actually pretty confident- she’s just better at not being outright and openly confident, she has trouble being creative and imagining kind of like Zane but it’s more in the she dislikes being imaginative and she prefers being realistic (she actually likes when Zane and Pixal give percentages and data and stuff) she’s too realistic in the sense that she can’t see anything outside of what it is, believes in guiltily until proven innocent, she has a lot of integrity, and believes in respect and responsibility.

How she joined the team: she met the team in season three. Since she has the power of Corrosion, she enjoys engineering and got an internship at Borg industries. She unknowingly helped build the Nindroid army and she met the ninja on the tour. She hit it off with Kai and the team ended up helping her escape after the Nindroid started attacking them. (Is that okay? I had some trouble coming up with a good way for her to join the team, you know? If this is dumb or cliche or bad please let me know!!)

Best Friend: okay so Kai is definitely her best friend on the team, but Zane is a close second. She bonded a lot with Kai in season three because Zane was bonding with Pixal then and I’m not about to throw Ramona in the middle of that haha. She got to know Zane after he came back in season four!

Quirks (because we love quirky people and everyone has their quirks😁): terrible sense of direction and walks around barefoot much more than she should, snorts when she laughs/ she doesn’t laugh a lot until later on when the ninja help her become more relaxed, but. she. freaking. snorts.

Random Information: she doesn’t like being laughed at. like at all. It freaks her out. That’s one reason why she’s so serious all of the time and not imaginative because she’s scared of being laughed at or not taken seriously. She also has a slight fear of small spaces. She likes biking, and working on mechanics and such with Jay and Nya since she’s the master of Corrosion and all. Probably a distant cousin of Karloff tbh. Ramona prefers fighting from a distance to hand-to-hand combat. She knows she relays on her powers more than she should and she’s trying not to rely on them anymore. Metal Dust Manipulation is her strong-suit.

umm. Yay! I hope you guys like her! I’m kind of invested in her life now! I hope this was an okay OC profile! I also hope she power is okay! I was trying to find something unique, you know? I actually spent a lot of time searching Ninjago OC in tumblr to see what powers people had so I wouldn’t use that because I didn’t want to seem like I was copying! I spent a good two hours trying to choose her powers and I don’t know guys, I came across Corrosion and I just felt like it fit her!!! Like when I read some information about it I was hooked and I hope it’s not a dumb power or anything! If any of you guys have comments or suggestions on how to improve her please let me know! I don’t want her to be like... I don’t know maybe I’m just paranoid since she’s my first OC ever!

Sorry I got excited! I wrote so much:/!! sorry guys haha

#ninjago #ninjago oc #Ramona Mendoza #im kind of in love with her guys #help im so invested in her

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piamii · 4 years

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Taking a mental health day from work today but was really conflicted about how to word it.

Last year I took a few mental health days but there were 6 of us so maybe it was less conspicuous

It’s only me this year and I for some reason keep feeling this push pull with my supervisor to be close and honest with her

Last night I was feeling ok about work. But after once again not sleeping properly I feel like somethings up with me

I’m feeling all the ways I used to feel about my mental health

Being small is not okay, it’s not okay to let go, I’m responsible for all of my clients progress and safety

Which is true in a way but

I also have beeen thinking about the difference between me and my supervisor

She’s the only person I see on a regular basis. Like I see her 4 times a week

So I don’t know how to be myself, a postdoc

I keep comparing myself to her

I wondered to myself would anyone else take a mental health day in my position?

Who cares, others aren’t me

It’s like I forgot I’m extremely sensitive and have been sobbing every day and not sleeping well at all during the weekdays

My nutrition and hydration and shit has been ok, so I’m not getting sick which is the weird part

Im so incredibly emotionally constipated

There are so many incredibly destructive thoughts in my head right now that haven’t been addressed

Things have just gotten increasingly harder for a long time now and I can’t tell where adjustment starts and my dysfunctional mental state ends

Is it really ok for me to say work is too much?

Does it make me pathetic?

Didn’t I feel this way in all previous years too?

2nd year, it wasn’t like this but at least I was more honest with myself about how anxious and nervous I was about work. I definitely took it easy and complained more often. I slept poorly frequently on clinical days and would feel really angry about it. I don’t think I got sick more than once that year

3rd year i wasn’t sleeping quite as poorly but still had sleep problems, hated my commute. That was the year I kind of had to start blocking people out of my life, like not completely but was so down and exhausted that I couldn’t function socially outside of work and school. I didn’t get sick much tho. Definitely noticed SAD symptoms starting this year but to be honest felt somewhat depressed on and off through early winter until spring which is I guess the colder darker months in OR. I think I had some SI but it was towards the end of winter

4th year was when I had more somatic issues. My sleep was honestly not bad that year comparatively speaking but when m and I broke up during internship application season I had a bunch of health issues that resolved shortly after my interviews ended. Tbh internship interviews were a nice reprieve from the dark slump that probably would have hit me if I had just done school in the winter. I had my first sinus infection in spring and went to see Slushii anyways Hahahha.

Internship year... I had a sinus infection too and got a cold maybe 2 other times. Last year was the most I’ve ever gotten sick. I took a mental health day maybe like 3 times and actually used sick days too. I want to say this was the hardest year for me mental health wise until this year in terms of symptoms but the best in terms of self care. By like April/May I was feeling really good about life. Maybe it’s the weather here too idk

This year feels so much harder than the other years combined. I’ve used one sick day and two mental health days and I’m having a hard time understanding where I’m at mental health wise in conjunction with who I need to be to do well at work. It feels like I’m growing at an unmanageable pace. I’ve had the most frequent SI I’ve ever had in my life which is somewhat alarming to me. I’m safe don’t worry but I’m just saying the thoughts coming into my head. My sleep is getting reallynfucked up over these last 2 weeks. I sleep like a baby on the weekends which makes me feel like it’s stress related. On one hand I’m acclimating to this insane amount of stress and on the other hand it feels like every day I’m being stretched open and carved out.

I’m not even ruminating that much before bed anymore. Like I’m not actively distressed like I used to be when things hit me hard last year. I’m just constantly unhappy and anxious this year which I feel like is my lot in life right now. My self care has gotten much better last year and this year, but this year it’s been harder to find ways to relax. Things went downhill really fast, when the seasons finally changed here and I started seeing 4 of my clients in the field. I am most definitely consistently working over 40 hrs a week now. I tried really hard last year to work less whenever I could and honestly the agency was pretty good about giving us a reasonable workload. But now it feels like I’m meeting the real world, where work just comes at you and never says sorry. You had to do extra and stay longer this week? Sucks for you. You have to completely uproot your already untenable schedule because one of your clients has really a really complex risk presentation? Welp that’s the price of doing this work.

Like when I was told the weeks here typically don’t go past 40 hrs I feel like I was lied to. I feel alone and singled out bc I’m the only postdoc this year. I want to know how C felt 2 years ago. If there were 2 of us I feel like I’d be having an okay time. Can you fucking believe they had a hard time building to full caseload last year? It cannot be just me in this position. I want to give up every day.

I don’t feel protected I don’t feel like I can ever let my guard down. There is no one I talk to regularly that I can be honest with. I don’t have the energy to relay this information to the people I do talk to regularly which at this point is my supervisor and M. And like hell im going to tell my supervisor this stuff.

Is this the real world?

Something tells me it is, but I have to find a way through it somehow

I’m still debating about this one client. She’s on my mind a lot and I’m scared which is probably a parallel experience to what her family is experiencing.

The fuck you mean our ethical duty? What am I supposed to take away from that convo? I know I have my own voice and opinion but that made me feel really bad for not doing exactly as you said. I know I tend towards the anxious paranoid side of things but that really scared me because instilll can’t think straight about this client and I sure as hell cant go to you.

The relationship between e and I has changed too, I think she’s overwhelmed too

Something that keeps popping up over and over again is- how fucking awful it would be for a client to complete suicide

I know it happens and it’s time I face that this could happen

It’s a terrifying thought and I almost don’t want to tell anyone that I’m having it

It feels shameful and dangerous to think about, because if I can’t handle it who could?

Who can contain this for me and tell me it’s okay? I don’t want to fucking hear that I should do more

It’s a complex mess of emotions inside my head. I understand why I would need to do more in this situation but there’s no room for it. I want help in trying to balance but my schedule is already unbalanced and bringing me into a dark place emotionally.

What if because I took today off no one sees my hospital patients all week?

Friday is going to suck ass if that’s the case

I could ask my supervisor directly to see them

But I want to be small today

And that would take a lot from me

How does the psychology service work at the hospital during Xmas break?

Uhhhh....

Shit.

I’m scared for some stupid reason that someone will make me stay during break or I’ll have to work some crazy stupid long hours on Friday

I hate ongoing patients bc they still need to be seen but it’s kind of your choice whether or not to see them

It’s like adding an automatic to do to the list every time I’m there but the task takes 2 hrs at least

I’m always scared I have to stay late at the hospital, luckily the latest has been 6:30 but I’m terrified every time I go in that it’s going to be longer

This is new for me and it’s ok to get freaked out

To not have a clear idea how much I am going to work each day and each week really puts me off

I feel pathetic because aren’t there a lot of jobs that are unpredictable like that? Especially once you become salaried ?

My stomach is starting to hurt

It’s weird because I haven’t gotten any somatic symptoms this year but I’ve also been sobbing my eyes out every day so maybe that’s why my body is feeling okay. I haven’t really cried the last few days because I’m just very tired of crying at this point, so maybe that’s why my stomach has been hurting a bit more

Every time m says something nice to me, hell anytime anyone says something nice to me I start to cry and I’m just so fucking done with crying and feeling out of control just to have nothing change and things even get harder at work

Fuck!!!!!

I haven’t properly dealt with this terrified feeling

I have to tell myself this feeling is informative but separate from reality

I’m so fucking scared.

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sage-nebula · 5 years

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I caught up on Miraculous Ladybug a couple days ago, so I thought I’d jot some thoughts down now that I’ve seen every episode and have a clearer scope on the series and characters as a whole.

First and foremost, let me just say that I think people take this show way too seriously. As I mentioned before, all I saw before I actually sat down to watch the second season for myself was hate and negativity. People bashed the show, the creators, and so on and so forth left and right. The thing is, sure, there are concepts in this show that could be taken deeper if this was meant to be a serious, deep show. But it’s pretty clear that’s not the case. Miraculous Ladybug is a bit like a ‘90s action cartoon, albeit one with a shoujo flavoring. It’s meant to have about as much depth as, say, Jackie Chan Adventures. The characters do learn lessons and develop, sure, but the creators don’t hold true and fast to those lessons because their main objective is to entertain via monster of the week battles and the occasional plot movement here or there. That’s not to say that there aren’t areas where the show could be improved, but it is to say that this show isn’t meant to be a sprawling epic and is instead just a shallow, fun show to watch and unwind with. But regardless of what it’s meant to be, I think that people in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom should remember that no one is holding a gun to their head, forcing them to watch. If the show isn’t to their tastes, if they’re not having fun, if all it does is make them angry and miserable, they should stop watching. That’s what I did with Voltron: Legendary Defender. Of course I still hear things about it that make me mad, but I’m far less devastated than I would be if I had to watch the nonsense unfold in front of me (not to mention that I stopped feeling stress leading up to new season releases because I stopped watching the show). This is a cartoon about teenage superheroes. You’re not obligated to watch. If it’s not fun for you, go do something else. Find a new series to get into. I promise you, your life will only improve if you do.

That said:

Aside from the above, probably the most unpopular opinion I have about this show is that Gabriel Agreste is hands down the most interesting character. It might be because I’m an adult rather than a teenager myself, but I’m not that interested in the high school romances the show has to offer (and when I am, I prefer rarepairs that will never happen, lol), but I am interested in Gabriel’s history, what led to him becoming Hawk Moth, and how he continues to deal with that in the present day. Romance-wise, I think that Gabriel/Nathalie has the potential to be the most interesting ship on the show. I think that episodes that focus on the Agreste family and their history are the most interesting ones. And while Gabriel is clearly a villain and has done some awful things, I’m interested to see if they’ll successfully make him a tragic villain, because I feel the groundwork has already been laid out for that to be the case.

I’m crossing every finger I have that when Emilie Agreste is awoken from her coma, it’s revealed that she’s ten times the villain Gabriel ever was. Part of this is because I heard it said somewhere that Mayura was Hawk Moth’s boss, and yet we know that’s not the case with Gabriel and Nathalie; part of it is also because I’ve seen so many “OMG I WANT EMILIE TO GET FULL CUSTODY OF ADRIEN!!11!!” posts that give off the vibe of “mothers could never be abusive” and that rubs me the wrong way. (Same with “Nathalie needs to adopt Adrien” posts; she clearly doesn’t care about him half as much as she cares about Gabriel, stop acting like she’s a better parent than Gabriel just because she has a surplus of estrogen.) We know that Adrien has fond memories of Emilie and that she took sweet pictures of him, but: a.) If she was nice to Adrien, that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a villain to everyone else, and b.) She could have easily been the type of abuser to guilt trip and manipulate rather than neglect like Gabriel, meaning that Adrien might not have recognized her abuse for what it was and might have instead felt that any time she was upset, it was his fault, and c.) It’s entirely possible that Gabriel would have taken the brunt of whatever abuse was doled out in order to protect Adrien, with Adrien being none the wiser Any one of those possibilities could be true, but the fact that people don’t even want to acknowledge that Emilie could be terrible to reeks of “she’s his mother, of course she wouldn’t abuse him,” which I just don’t vibe with at all. Gabriel is an abusive parent as well (though we can see that he does care about Adrien, though not enough to stop what he’s doing), but that doesn’t mean that Emilie is great. The fact that Gabriel’s love toward Emilie is so unhealthy speaks to the fact that there was more to her (and their relationship) than meets the eye. (And yes, Gabriel’s love for her is unhealthy, and severely detrimental to his quality of life. Since losing Emilie, Gabriel has: - Not gone outside even for a moment, instead staying locked up in his manor all day. It’s noted several times in both “Style Queen” and “Queen Wasp” that his appearance in the latter episode was the first time he’s shown his face in public since Emilie disappeared. - Cut off practically every relationship he has and socially isolated himself from everyone else, including those who would show him any sort of love or affection, to the point where it catches him off-guard when someone---even his own son---does. - Neglects any other kind of needs in his life outside of those that are either necessary to support his family (his work) or bringing back Emilie. We never see him having fun, spending time with others, or even taking time to relax and recuperate. - Become extremely paranoid and mistrustful of others, keeping secrets from just about everyone and casting a suspicious eye on anyone he comes across. He’s also paranoid about the safety of his one remaining family member. Particularly with regards to how Gabriel has isolated himself from practically everyone save Emilie, I would argue that Gabriel’s abuse and neglect of Adrien is continuing a cycle from what Gabriel himself has experienced as a result of Emilie’s “disappearance,” and possibly even beforehand. Which of course DOES NOT excuse what he does to Adrien, but it might explain it. All in all, the relationship we see between Gabriel and Nathalie is far healthier than what we’ve been given of Gabriel and Emilie, and I’m curious to see if this continues in later episodes.)

I love Luka, and I really hope that we see more of him. Additional thoughts:

Upon watching “Captain Hardrock,” I got the vibe that Luka might be on the autism spectrum somewhere. I hesitate to say this because the last time I made an autistic headcanon I was screamed at for it and deemed a horrible person, but particularly with how Luka said that it’s easier for him to communicate through music rather through words, how he often looks down at his guitar instead of right at people (though he does make eye contact sometimes), how he tried to joke around with Marinette but ended up hurting her feelings and looked genuinely panicked / upset that he did so . . . I don’t know, I just kind of got that vibe from him. Like maybe he’s on the autism spectrum and music is his special interest, particularly because it’s a lot easier for him to convey what he’s feeling / thinking through music rather than through words, particularly without upsetting other people (because most people don’t get angry or upset when they hear music, whereas they might with his words). I think it’s be really neat to have the cool, suave character on the autism spectrum, anyway.

I don’t understand why people say Luka has no personality when he has about as much personality as any other character on the show, particularly the classmates. How does Luka have less personality than Nathaniel, or Rose, or Max? I think the real reason why people want to say Luka is “cardboard” and therefore a bad character is because he “threatens the love square,” which is nonsense. All Luka is doing is living his best life. (And the same goes for Kagami, tbh.) Let him live.

On that note, though, I prefer Luka/Marinette to Marinette/Adrien at this point. Marinette/Adrien has had some really sweet moments as well, and I still ship it (and know it’s endgame anyway), but at the moment the way Adrien behaves when he’s Chat makes him feel like he has a Nice Guy complex toward Ladybug, and I’m not here for that. “Glaciator” was one thing, but how he behaved in “Frozer” was unacceptable. I don’t hate the ship, but I much prefer Luka/Marinette, particularly since Luka has genuine interest from Marinette and has never been afraid to treat her like a princess, but at the same time will encourage her to go be happy when he realizes she has stronger feelings for someone else.

I wish that Luka would get the Dog Miraculous instead of the Snake Miraculous, but at least he’s getting one regardless, I guess.

I do think it’s an issue that all of Marinette’s love rivals are antagonistic in some way or another. Chloe is . . . Chloe, Lila is a compulsive liar who’s addicted to evil butterflies, and Kagami . . . honestly didn’t do a single thing wrong, but she was still characterized as being somewhat forward and antagonistic rather than sweet and perfectly nice like Adrien’s love rivals. I feel that this show has a bit of an issue with pitting girls against each other over a boy, and since Adrien’s not even that great of a boy (I like him fine, but he’s honestly not worth ladies fighting over), it rubs me the wrong way and I hope that, in season three, Marinette and Kagami can become friends.

Rose’s English voice (in season two, at least) is literally the worst thing I’ve ever had the misfortune of hearing. She sounds like a chipmunk that sucked helium. No teenage girl actually sounds like that, what in the honest hell.

For that matter, Juleka’s English VA had a real bad day in “Zombiezou.” I’ve never heard more emotionless voice acting in my entire life, and for a zombie apocalypse parody episode, that’s a real issue.

For the most part I think that most of the “omg why can’t they recognize each other!!1!!!!111″ nonsense that I’ve seen around the fandom is just that, nonsense, because being unable to see through a paper-thin disguise is a superhero staple, and this show has even gone the extra mile to explain it’s the magic of the suits protecting their identities. That said, there have been a couple instances where I felt like Adrien and Marinette should have gotten suspicious or had questions, and most notably in “Frightengale.” Both of them had great reasons for not wanting to put on the Chat Noir and Ladybug masks, but what they both failed to consider or question is why the other person had such an issue. Like, Adrien knows that he doesn’t want to put on the mask because he’s the real Chat Noir and people will recognize him. But didn’t it strike him as odd that Marinette had similar objections to putting on the Ladybug mask? And the same is true in reverse. Marinette knew why she didn’t want to dress up as Ladybug for the video, but didn’t she ever wonder why Adrien was reluctant? I guess they were both too wrapped up in their own drama to consider it, which makes sense if you consider they’re teenagers, but it’s still something you’d think they’d ponder over later.

On that note, Plagg and Tikki are the real heroes for having to put up with this love square nonsense in-universe. Pour one out for them.

Adrien being a Nice Guy while he’s Chat Noir is an issue, but I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with what he said in “Malediktator” or “Chameleon”, and here’s why:

In “Malediktator”, Adrien was upset that the only person who provided him any company or friendship was leaving the country for an indefinite amount of time because she was upset, and he never even got to say goodbye to her. Note that (at least in the English version), Adrien never says that Marinette or the others can’t celebrate; he just says that he, personally, finds Chloe leaving to be awful, and objects to Marinette calling Chloe useless (which is a reasonable thing to object to, because in honesty saying someone is useless is pretty harsh and terrible). He then goes and sits quietly by himself, waiting for the party to be over. People have grown angry with him for this because Marinette was bullied by Chloe for years and they think that he should see her side of things, but the fact of the matter is that the people who make those claims aren’t seeing Adrien’s side of things, which Marinette herself realized when he left to go sit by himself. Here’s the thing: Neither Marinette nor Adrien were in the wrong. Marinette is perfectly entitled to be ecstatic that her bully is leaving forever, particularly since she’s Ladybug and said bully akumatizes people all the time and this will make less work for her. She wasn’t doing anything wrong by celebrating Chloe leaving, although again, saying that someone is useless is crossing a line (particularly since, as we find out later in the episode, Chloe already believes she’s useless because of her mother’s emotional abuse). Marinette didn’t do anything wrong. But Adrien is also perfectly entitled to be upset that his childhood friend---the only person who gave him companionship during his incarceration in his own home---is leaving on a bad note. If Chloe was leaving perfectly happily, I think he’d feel differently. He’d be happy for her. But he’s seen a side of Chloe that no one else has, and moreover, Adrien tends to be rather compassionate for other people’s struggles (something Kagami calls him out on). It’s perfectly understandable that he’s upset that his oldest friend is leaving on a bad note, and that he didn’t get to say goodbye to her besides. Moreover, since it was a shock to him, it’s natural that he didn’t realize how his words might have sounded to one of Chloe’s victims, especially since Marinette herself didn’t bring up the fact that Chloe had bullied her, but instead just said Chloe was awful and useless (which, as her friend, Adrien naturally rankled against). This isn’t a situation of one being right and the other being wrong. This is a situation of two people coming at a situation from different perspectives, and feeling differently as a result.

As for “Chameleon,” as I believe I’ve explained elsewhere, Adrien was looking at the situation from the perspective of Chat Noir. If they upset Lila, she’s going to get akumatized again. This is something he knows for a fact, because it has happened multiple times now (at least twice that he knows of). Akumatizing Lila over and over again isn’t going to accomplish anything meaningful. All it’s going to do is create more work for Chat Noir and Ladybug, which Adrien wants to avoid. Adrien is looking at the bigger picture, which is hoping that perhaps Lila can become a better person, and if not, it’s better to pick your battles so that you can ultimately win the war rather than picking a fight every other day. He wasn’t wrong, and I strongly feel that people who insist he was are those that are projecting onto Marinette and just want to live through her as she stomps her bullies into the dirt.

Which, on that note, I find it really funny how people who claim to hate Chloe are the same people that like fan content where Marinette is being “petty” and “salty” and no better than Chloe herself. I agree that Marinette’s friends (sans Adrien) didn’t have her back in “Chameleon,” and that Alya’s behavior was especially out of character (and kind of funny at the end, because . . . yes, Alya, we do think you’d let your best friend sit alone, because you already did that, lol), but to imagine that Marinette Dupain-Cheng would suddenly take every single opportunity to insult and tear them down is completely missing the point of who Marinette is and why she’s a better person than people like Chloe (at present) and Lila. Again, I can only imagine this is self-projection of the “I wish I had been able to do this” variety, but I still find it really ironic that the people who hate Chloe and Lila make Marinette act almost exactly like them. (Also, it says something if you think Alya being a jerk once makes it all right for Marinette to treat her like dirt. For two seasons Alya was the best best friend someone could ask for. She made a mistake in one single episode, and you think Marinette should turn on her? Should say she’s no longer worthy of the Fox Miraculous? Please. That’s not how relationships work. Sometimes there are bumps and low points, but you communicate, work through, and apologize when you make mistakes. No one is perfect, Alya included.)

The first time Gabriel akumatized the baby it was funny because it was clearly an accident and he was just working with what he had (and it was a struggle). The second time I suppose it just happened because of all the akuma that were out at the time. But why was the baby akumatized again in “Weredad”? What purpose did that serve? What were you doing, Gabriel? Why this, again? Part of me feels like it was done because the writers needed a giant akuma, but like . . . there have been others . . . why the baby when he didn’t even want to akumatize the baby in the first place, I just . . . why.

Chloe’s transformation sequence has a similar grace to it that Adrien’s does (and tbh I like it a little more, especially with the toe tap and whatnot), and it makes me think that she’s secretly as much of a weeb as he is and they probably watched Sailor Moon together.

I like the unique transformation phrases in the English dub, but I wish that there was a bit more variety. Three out of five are “on/off” variants, and I like it when they’re a bit more creative like “claws in/out” or “let’s pounce.” Hopefully the transformations for future Miraculouses will be a bit more creative.

There are probably other thoughts but this is all I have for right now. Curious about the upcoming episodes and I’m surprised we got season three so soon, but also I imagine the release schedule might not be consistent, so there’s that, too. In any case, this is a cute and fun show so long as you don’t take it too seriously. I’m enjoying it, at least, and as far as I’m concerned that’s all that matters. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#/#//#///#////#/////#miraculous ladybug

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