#also those considered low functioning get assigned as stupid

[alpha-male-podcast]

I hate the terms high and low functioning.

we can’t function better, we can just hide our dysfunction more

[stormbabylore]

WoL Questions/Answers - DND Stats!

Ooooh, I love this question!

If I were to roll her stats at the beginning of ARR (as someone gifted with Hydaelyn's blessing of light, but also someone with amnesia in a place she is wholly unfamiliar with), the stat order would fall thus:

WIS > STR > CON > DEX > CHA > INT

I am... going to ramble about this incessantly, now:

Wisdom (15)

Aeryn is naturally observant, and her quiet nature likewise helps her pick up on the more minute details in the people and circumstances around her that others might miss. She would be perceptive to subtle changes in her environment or in the mood of those present. I think a high wisdom modifier is essential to her ability to adapt so quickly to her unique situation and learn (by absorption) what she needs to know to function successfully in her unfamiliar surroundings.

Strength (14)

Though her appearance would suggest otherwise, she demonstrates (often to her OWN surprise) a level of strength that certainly surpasses the average person - even those with significant training. She's not breaking any doors off their hinges or accidentally shattering dishware, of course. But she does seem to wield weaponry or perform other more strenuous tasks with far more ease than her meager stature would suggest her capable of. (The blessing of light would further bolster this stat in certain combat situations, of course.)

Constitution (12)

Again, I feel the blessing of light would bolster Aeryn's constitution in battle; but early ARR Aeryn is also under quite a bit of mental and emotional stress given the circumstances of her arrival, and though she demonstrates a surprising level of strength for her size, I like to think she has about as much stamina as the average person. She bounces back from injuries more quickly than most would expect, and she seems resistant to sickness (almost unnaturally so), but she does grow weary and need breaks at a more-or-less average rate.

Dexterity (10)

This girl's not tripping over her own feet, and she has decent, basic reflexes. But she's not winning any awards with her archery right away and really does practice, nigh relentlessly, to become even minimally competent at wielding the bow. She has a bit more of a natural affinity with the lance, but she still spends many, many evenings in the lancers' guild sparring in Ywain to practicing her footwork and get better at dodging blows.

Charisma (8)

Early ARR Aeryn comes across as reticent, dull, and (dependent on the viewer's perception) perhaps even rude. She doesn't smile often, and she spends more time silently observing than speaking. When she does try to speak, her words shudder out, quiet and nervous - sometimes she even croaks or loses her voice. On top of that, she's an outsider and has been assigned the role of adventurer in Gridania, a place renowned for its inhospitable nature toward both. She has very little ability to speak up and defend herself and comes to rely on those who naturally see beyond the veil of this low stat to understand more of the person that might someday grow through it.

Intelligence (8)

Aeryn is not stupid. But anyone who interacts with her in ARR beyond a chance encounter would notice right off the bat that she isn't well-versed in what most would consider very basic concepts. She often seems to lacks information that would be common knowledge for even Eorzean children. When the Scions lapse into game exposition to explain things like aspected aether and how retainers work, that is 100% canon-necessary in Aeryn's case, because she doesn't know any of those things. Though this stat will grow over time as she becomes more comfortable with the knowledge base of the Source - and becomes more of a critical thinker - it will always remain her lowest stat.

All that now being said, let me give what I believe the breakdown would be as of where I currently am in the game (right after Shadowbringers MSQ):

DEX (18) > WIS (18) > CON (16) > STR (15) > CHA (14) > INT (12)

It was fun reversing some of these stats based on my canon for her in-game! Aeryn would have put so very much effort into becoming more dexterous as a result of practicing with the bow and lance. She will also have gotten just a tiny bit stronger, naturally, though of course Hydaelyn's gift still accounts for the majority of her strength by bolstering it in key moments. For wisdom, her natural instinct and ability to clearly read situations remains (and has grown minimally stronger). As a now long-time adventurer, she does not tire out as quickly with physical exertion, growing her constitution. She's better able to communicate these days, particularly with those she deems close - and she has a reputation to speak for her in most situations where she is less comfortable speaking up, still granting her a boost to charisma. Intelligence-wise, she knows what she needs to get by. She's not winning any awards, of course - but she has surrounded herself with experts on various subject matters who can help guide her with their intellect when needed.

(I didn't want any of her stats to be full 20s, yet. She still has some growing to do, after all, and a lot more story to get through.)

I think I'm done being a complete dork about this, now. But it was a fun little exercise! Highly recommended to other DND/FFXIV fans! \o/

[captainrexisboo]

Comfort pt 4: Decisions

IT’S HERE. I’ve been working on this chapter for months. Hopefully it was worth the struggle ahaha. Partially took so long because I’ve been feeling better! I have a great support system in place, and so getting to this point was really just a matter of putting myself back into the exhaustive mindset. That said, I’m able to work myself back out of it (thank you therapy)! Working on part 5 as y’all are reading this, let’s see if it takes me another two months to pump it out lmaoooo. But seriously, thank you guys for your kind words and support, love y’all!!!

No warnings apply, aside from general sadness and self-doubt. Also pining. Rex x Reader, reader is a woman, questions and comments always welcome. Also I need to write Ahsoka more.

Tagging: @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @000ayfh @pinkiemme @midnightredemption @simping-for-fives @danger-xylophones @iscream4clones @jyvorakal @leias-left-hair-bun @vesperstalksclones

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~

“So you’ll be seeing him today?” 

Rex walked straight to you after the briefing, squeezing his hands behind his back. You were going to be separating for the day, him with Cody to go greet some new troopers and introduce them to their assigned battalions, yourself accompanying Admiral Yularen as he was invited to surprise inspect some nat born recruits. Sergeant Aurin’s recruits. You sighed, rolling your eyes, “Not by choice, Captain.”

“I know,” he grumbled, modulator muffling his voice even more, “Be careful, alright? I don’t trust this guy.”

“We’ll be at a work function, I don’t think he’ll try anything. Especially since I’ll be with the Admiral this time instead of his ‘competition’,” you stood as tall as you could, chin high as you tried to gather your courage, masking your clear anxiousness with a sly grin. Besides, teasing the Captain always made you feel better. No one has corrected your ex about you and Rex yet, and frankly you wanted to keep it that way.

Rex chuckled low, the sound a little hollow, looking off to the side as he shifted on his feet, “I just want you to be alright.”

“If I’m not, I will be,” you gave him an all too wide smile, one you knew he saw right through as he cocked his head to the side, “Promise, Captain.”

You bid Rex goodbye with a salute, one he returned before turning on his heel to meet the Marshal Commander. You gathered your datapad before following the Admiral through the halls. He was a stoic and serious man, one that cared about the men assigned to him, and was able to use his wit calmly even in the most dire of situations. His level-headedness made him a good offset for the very action oriented General Skywalker, and typically you were thankful to be lucky enough getting assigned to him. But not today.

“Are you feeling alright, Miss Y/N?” he looked back to see you trailing behind him as opposed to being on his left as usual. He stood just as straight as Rex, not quite as tall, looking at you with eyes that reminded you vaguely of your father’s, and suddenly you couldn’t even begin to think about lying to him.

“Not especially, Admiral,” you chuckled sheepishly, “But I’m fine to continue with you, sir. I just have to gather myself is all.”

He stood in place, letting you catch up, only speaking when he fell into step with you again, “I don’t suppose you consider me close enough to tell me the issue? I can perhaps assist in finding a way to resolve it?”

“It’s not like that, sir,” you shook your head, picking up the pace as if to run away from the conversation, “I can handle it just fine. We should hurry, the Sergeant is waiting for us.”

He didn’t say anything after that, just raised a brow at your averted gaze before turning his head forward again. You knew he didn’t believe you, but gracious that he respected your request to drop the subject. You bit your tongue, an attempt to keep you focused on something other than the burrowing feeling of your stomach, or the quickly restricting muscle in your throat. The closer you got to the nat born barracks, the harder you bit down. Still, you moved forward, thinking about any way you could deflect an attempt to talk.

If he said hello, you’d just nod and say just the one word back.

If he asked how you were, you’d say fine.

If he pries, you’d ask him calmly to leave you alone.

You will not lose your cool. You will not break your wall. Your mask will not crack; you’ll be ice.

But then the strangest thing happened. He ignored you. He barely looked you in the eye when you walked up, talking only to the Admiral. You only stammered out a single hi when the Admiral introduced you to the other officers standing with Aurin. You were there, frozen and eyes wide as you clenched your jaw, steeling yourself for the offence to come- but it never did. The Admiral entered the barracks with one of Aurin’s officers, while the Sergeant stood outside next to you. The tension was thick, causing you to unconsciously shuffle on the balls of your feet. You continued to bite your tongue, trying to keep your thoughts occupied as he stood stock straight next to you.

You thought about that huge stack of reports to go through when you got back, courtesy of the General’s leadership tactics and the general 501st chaos.

You thought about how you promised Commander Tano that you’d pick up the special tea blend she liked before heading back to the flagship.

You thought about how you were going to run to Rex as soon as you both had a free moment, and you thought about how you had no idea that silence could be so blaringly loud.

You had switched from biting your tongue to chewing your lip, twisting a stray lock of hair between your fingertips as the silent moment dragged on, your anxiety digging deeper and deeper into your gut. You stole a glance at him out of the corner of your eye, seeing as he gulped down a breath. But that was all you saw- the inspection was over, the Admiral was shaking hands and saluting goodbye to the Sergeant and his men. You barely got a nodding glance.

This is what you wanted, right?

This is what you told him you needed, he was listening to you- that’s good, it’s a step in the right direction. Right?

You had asked for this.

So then why did it hurt so much.

You were silent the entire way back to the flagship, saying a minimal amount of words to be polite to anyone who came up to you. The interaction (or lack thereof) consumed your thoughts wholly afterwards while you ran a few routine errands before making your way back to the flagship, causing you to just barely remember to pick up and give the Commander her tea. The kind, knowledgeable Padawan immediately noticed something was the matter in your thousand yard stare, clasping her hands over yours in concern, the tea now just an afterthought, “Y/N, what’s the matter? Do you need something?”

You gave the young Jedi a dull, thoughtful look, corners of your mouth barely turning up, “I can’t seem to lie to anyone today. No, Commander, I don’t need anything right now, but thank you for your consideration. I’ll be at the desk in the Admiral’s office should anyone need me.”

You bid Ahsoka goodbye with a small nod, walking down the corridor without an ounce of your usual spirit. Ahsoka looked down at the tin in her hand, weighing the tea blend absentmindedly. She was young, but certainly not stupid, she knew exactly who you needed to see. Gripping the present tight, she ran through the flagship until she got to the office she was looking for, not even bothering to knock.

“Rex!” she burst through the door, the Captain she was looking for dropped his head as his fingers came up to rub at the bridge of his nose.

“Vod’ika,” he grumbled, laying down his stylus, “I can’t entertain you every time you get bored-”

“I’m not here for that, it’s Y/N,” Ahsoka cut him off, taking three purposeful steps and slamming her hands on the desk, prompting Rex to look up into her sky blue eyes, shining with worry. His own widened as he stood up from his desk, not even bothering to grab his helmet as he followed Ahsoka out into the echoing hall.

“What’s wrong? Is she injured?”

“No, physically she seems fine,” Ahsoka explained, stepping quickly and talking quicker as she led Rex to Yularen’s office, “But she seems really sad, and she didn’t want to talk to me about it. I know you and her are pretty close, so I thought-”

“We need to stop by the kitchen.”

Ahsoka paused, looking back to see Rex already walking down the turn toward the mess. She jogged to catch up to him, breathing out a snort of laughter, “I mean, I didn’t think now was the time to think about food, Rexster.”

“It’s not,” Rex rolled his eyes at the nickname gesturing an arm out as if the explanation lay right in front of her, “It’s for Y/N. She likes to talk over caf, if I bring her some, chances are she’ll let me stay and whatever’s happening in her little head we can discuss. And if she doesn’t feel like talking still, the caf will act as a reminder she has people to talk to whenever she’s ready.”

Ahsoka blinked at him. She didn’t expect this amount of thoughtfulness from her ori’vod, and the gears in her mind started turning. An impish grin took over her face, canines flashing as she slunk up beside the soldier, “You know, Y/N is really nice…”

Rex raised an eyebrow, immediately suspicious as he held the mess door open for the Padawan, “Yes...she is…”

“She’s awfully lucky to have someone like you looking out for her, getting her caf, talking over administrative work, visiting each other’s offices during hyperspace jumps…” Ahsoka took a bit of a pause, stopping just inside the eating area, waiting for Rex to walk right by her to whisper just to him, “...giving each other really long hugs when you think no one’s around.”

Rex paused in his step, unable to stop a ruddy blush from heating over his face. Kriff. He cleared his throat, straightening up, “How’d you find that out, Commander?”

Ahsoka shrugged, giving him a wiggle of her brows, “Security cams, Rex ol’boy. Did you really not think about those?”

Rex groaned, squeezing his eyes shut, “I didn’t think anyone looked at the recordings…”

“Not many clones do,” Ahsoka explained, “We’ve got a lot of nat born officers in the surveillance offices. And boy, sir- do they love their gossip.”

Rex continued his trek to the instant caf machine, exhaling heavily as he surrendered to the teasing he was being subjected to. He rolled his eyes, getting two insulated tumblers to fill, as he started the machine, “Where are you even going with this, Commander?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” she giggled, latching onto Rex’s arm excitedly, bobbing on her toes as she jabbed a finger into his pauldron, “You like her!”

“And?” Rex deadpanned, switching a full cup for an empty one at the dispensing nozzle, “I’m not gonna deny what’s obvious, and I get plenty of osik from the rest of torrent about it anyways, who don’t know about the...the, uh, hugging-”

“So why don’t you do anything about it, dummy?”

Ahsoka was about to give him a headache.

“When she and I first started actually talking, she had gone through a really emotional break up,” Rex treaded carefully, this wasn’t his story to tell, but it was the bare-bones basic of how his friendship with you had grown, so it seemed like a good place to start, “I offered her my support, and I’ve kind of become her confidant since then. I’m not going to ‘make a move’ or anything, not until she says something. She’s still healing, Ahsoka.”

Ahsoka had stopped bouncing, mulling over Rex’s words. Rex was pouring in your preferred cream and sugar ratio, having memorized just how you like it, almost meticulous in the act. He picked up the cafs, walking steady, careful not to spill, “Where is she, her desk?”

Ahsoka nodded, mind still turning as she followed Rex out of the mess, “So you’re just gonna be there and listen to her problems until she decides that she likes you too?”

“Yup.”

“Does she listen to your problems too?”

“If I feel the need to talk about them, yes.”

Ahsoka stops in front of him, hands on her hips and eyebrow raised, “And what if she decides that she likes someone else instead?”

Rex’s shoulders slump for a moment, looking a little crestfallen, lips downturned and eyes shifting off to the side as a sad shine comes over them, “I’m not naive, I understand how big of a possibility that is. If she makes that decision, then that’s her decision. I can’t force someone to like me-”

“But does she know you’re even an option?”

That made Rex stop mid-stride. Surely you knew he was, right? He thinks back on the past few months, the things you’ve both confided, the tears you’ve shed, the countless moments you’ve both spent in each other’s comforting embraces. Your laughter. Your quiet moments. Surely… you knew, right?

The silence stretched, and Ahsoka looked too smug for her own good as she crossed her arms, chin up with full confidence, “I think you should tell her.”

Rex shook his head, taking himself out of his trance before he began walking again, “I don’t know-”

“It doesn’t have to be today,” Ahsoka clarified, falling into step beside him, “But you should. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, or one of your attempts at flirting-”

“Hey, I can flirt-”

“-just a brief confession.” Ahsoka pitched her voice low, what she thought would be a mimic of his voice, “Y/N, I need you to know I have enjoyed getting to know you, and that I find you extremely attractive, so much so that just holding you distracts me from thinking about the simplest of things, like the surveillance crew that’s always watching-”

“Hush up,” Rex hissed out, now just a couple of feet away from Yularen’s office. He wasn’t nervous, he couldn’t be nervous about talking with you, the both of you talked all the time, about everything. But actually dwelling on his feelings for you out loud with Ahsoka, acknowledging his emotions outright to another sentient did make him more, um, aware of the situation. Suddenly he was transported back in time, on the landing pad, leaning on the ship’s hull and waiting for you to board with your tear glazed eyes and trembling lips. He froze for a beat, staring at the closed doors, swallowing a breath. When did his throat get so dry? He let out a slow exhale through his mouth, almost whispering to himself, “I’ve been in this position so many times already… why does this time feel like the first again?”

“Maybe you’re getting tired of waiting,” Ahsoka offered, looking up to him and giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, “Maybe you’ve made a decision.”

She walked away in that moment, leaving Rex to fend for himself from his own thoughts. Damn Jedi and their cryptic messages. He rolled his neck and shoulders, letting his eyes fall shut as he breathed through his nose, trying to calm himself back down. After he felt himself loosen up a little bit, he pressed the call button by the entrance door.

“Admiral Yularen is on the bridge. If you have something for him to sign, leave it in the-”

“Y/N, it’s me,” Rex interrupted your rehearsed response, already feeling his posture tense back up, “I brought you caf.”

It was just static for the moment, your finger still on the speaker button. After a couple of seconds it clicked off, and the doors hissed open. Rex took a last steadying breath, and took the final steps inside.

[gabywantsafriend]

Anything For You: Ferris Bueller x Reader

(Kinda my gif??? Idk I found it online but I originally posted it on here)

Requested by anonymous:  ferris bueller realizing he loves the reader maybe?

I’m so sorry it took such a long time to post another imagine! I hope you guys enjoy it :’)

Warning: Swearing

“Adams?” “Here.”

“Adamley?” “Here!”

“Adamowski?” A rather lazy hand was raised, indicating the student’s presence. 

“Adamson?” “Here.”

“Adler?” The response was delayed by a couple of seconds. “Here.”

“Anderson?” Another delayed response. “Anderson?” “Here!” 

“Bueller?” 

Nothing. You quickly scanned the room, he wasn’t there. You hadn’t even noticed that he didn’t walk in that morning. You looked at Cameron and he shrugged. Apparently he didn’t know what Ferris was up to or where he was. “Bueller?” Crickets. “Bueller?” Dead silence. “Bueller?” The teacher’s monotonous voice began to sound like a broken record player. 

You cleared your throat as you tried impersonating the missing troublemaker, letting out a low “Here.” The class snickered, causing your teacher to silence everyone. Turning to you, he huffed. 

“L/n, I know you and Bueller are best friends but you really don’t have to cover for him in his absence. You’ll get your turn in the roll call later, don’t get too excited,” He went on with checking the attendance. You stubbornly sank into your seat, eyeing the vacant one next to you where Ferris was usually sat. What kind of trouble do you have in mind this time?

--------

Recess rolled in and you were standing at the phone booth just outside of your school. You dialed Ferris’ home number and waited for him to pick up. He was probably out on another one of his spontaneous adventures.

“Hello?” His voice was nasally,  he was always good at playing sick. 

“Oh, cut the crap. Where the hell are you, idiot? This is your tenth absence this semester, you said you didn’t wanna miss school after last time! No wonder your grades are shit! What are you up to now?” You scolded. Skipping class to hang out and be teenagers was fun the first few times. However as it became a habit of Ferris, you wished he could take school more seriously.

“Y/n, calm down. First of all, I could easily hack into the school’s computer system and change my grades,” He coughed. “Second, I’m not kidding this time. I’m actually sick.” You scoffed, muttering a small “yeah right.” 

Of course, you found it hard to believe. You’ve known Ferris Bueller since you were ten. And you knew that it took a lot for him to be ill. 

“Why would I ever lie to you? I’m serious,” he deadpanned. You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose. “Alright, I’ll bring today’s assignments for you and I’ll visit you as soon as class ends.” You could practically hear him smile through the phone as he spoke. “Thanks, Y/n. You’re the best.” You bid goodbye as he did the same, both of you putting down the phone.

Well, what do you know. For the first time in a long time, Ferris Bueller was sick.

--------

You dropped your bike right in front of the Buellers residence and sprinted to the back door. You lifted the rug and took the spare key that Katie Bueller left in case of emergencies or whenever you wanted to visit. You were always welcome. Unlocking the door, you bolted up the steps and stopped in front of the door to your best friend’s room..

“Ferris, you better not be naked. I’m coming in.” 

“Hi, Y/n.” The sight was beyond pitiful: The floor was littered with used tissues. Bottles of medicine decorated his dresser. And on the bed was a very pale boy, sniffling and shivering still even under the many layers of blankets he was covered in. Oh, Ferris.

“You look like shit.” He let out a weak chuckle. “It’s nice seeing you too,” he quipped. You rolled your eyes at his untimely use of sarcasm and pressed the back of your hand to his forehead.

“Jesus, you’re practically steaming,” You commented, getting up to fetch him an ice pack to hopefully lower his temperature. “I’m flattered, Y/n. I really am. But can you keep it in your pants until after I get well?” You were used to his foul-mouthed jokes by now. “Very funny, loser. Now put this on your forehead,” You handed him the cold material and he obeyed, hissing as it touched his skin. 

“Oh, right! I got the homework for you,” you told him, getting your bag and pulling out his books and assessment sheets and laying them on his desk. “I also wrote an extra copy of the notes you missed,” You handed him the pages that you’ve ripped from your notebook where the duplicates were. His eyes, teary from his cold, widened.

“Wha-? But I just asked for you to get today’s assignments! You didn’t have to go an extra mile with taking my notes for me!” He took the papers gratefully, flipping through them. “I’m convinced you’re my guardian angel or some shit! Thank you so much!”

“Anything for you.” 

It was true. You’d gladly and endlessly do anything for him.

You’ve liked Ferris since you first covered for him in fifth grade. 

Young Ferris thought it’d be a good idea to chuck a bouncy ball at Mrs. Ritland, the math teacher you had all despised. Believe it or not, he was an even bigger idiot back when you were ten. She was writing on the chalkboard, back turned to you; the perfect time to strike. The small toy hit the poor lady’s nape. The classroom was suddenly filled with gasps and the sound of laughter. She exclaimed in pain, rage-filled eyes darting from student to student. Before she could even question which delinquent threw the damned thing, you stood up and raised your hand. 

“I did it, Mrs. Ritland!”

Ferris was quick to defend you, chucking another bouncy ball at the woman. “If you even think of punishing her, you’ll have to go through me!”

You were both given a month’s detention and have been inseparable ever since. 

“I’m dying,” He croaked, snapping you out of your daydream.

“Oh, please. You’re not dying. You just can’t think of anything good to do!” You quoted him. “Didn’t you say that yourself?” 

He groaned, “Yes, I did say that myself. But now isn’t the time. I’m really not feeling well, Y/n.”

“Nonsense! It helped Cameron last time, he felt great afterwards.” You got off the bed, trying to pull him up with you. Instead, he snuggled deeper into the covers. “Aww, come on! Get up on your feet, mister! What do you feel like doing today? The weather’s lovely! Maybe we can go swimming? Or perhaps you’d like to go to the arcade? Ooh, street food sounds good! Just tell me where you wanna go, and I’ll take you there!” You coaxed excitedly.

“As much as I love our adventures, I was thinking maybe we could just stay here? You know, we could talk for a while and we can take a nap together just like when we were kids. And when I’m feeling better, we could watch a movie,” Ferris spoke softly, sniffling right after. You hummed, considering his offer.

“You can stay here and rest. I can get us some corn dogs from the stand nearby, I’ll be quick I promi-”

“No, no, you missed my point,” he shook his head, grinning at your stubbornness. “I meant can you stay? We don’t have to go anywhere. I enjoy your company, it’s more than enough,” He pulled the blankets to his nose, hiding his bashful smile as well as his growing blush. You were sure you would have melted then and there.

“Sure thing. Ferris.” You adored this boy.

It had been an hour since you’d agreed to stay in with Ferris and you were seated at his desk, tutoring him about trigonometric functions, a lesson he missed that day. He was reading the notes on the topic, following along with what you were saying. “Okay, I found this to be quite easy. So, we start off with the basics: sine, cosine, and tangent-”

At least, that’s what it looked like.

At first glance, it seemed as though he was actually studying. But what you didn’t know was that he had been admiring your handwriting and your little doodles on the blank spaces of the paper. 

See, Ferris liked you. He’s liked you since forever ago. He remembered the moment so vividly, as if it only happened yesterday. 

“I did it, Mrs. Ritland!”

He looked at you and thought, “Wow, that is the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” Obviously, he couldn’t let a pretty girl such as you take the blame for what a stupid boy such as him had done. It just wasn’t fair to you. So he immediately admitted that it was his fault, as he should.

He felt guilty that you had to get wrapped up in this mess and had to suffer the consequences. To make up for it, every time you had detention, he would take you to secret hideouts around the school. That two months of running around school trying not to get caught marked your first of soon-to-be-many adventures. 

And now here you were, almost eight years later, helping him solve for x. His eyes softened at how into it you were while teaching him. You were even more beautiful than when you were a kid, just when his younger self thought you couldn’t get any more stunning. 

He thought about how you were kind enough to fill him in on everything he’d missed; how as soon as class was dismissed, you biked as quickly as you could just to take care of him. You could have easily ditched him to go out and get those corn dogs you’ve been craving; or you could have easily gone out for a walk since, according to you, “the weather’s lovely.” 

But you didn’t. 

You stayed. 

The mere thought of that, along with everything about you, caused his heart to pound out of his chest. 

I think I’m in love with her. Fuck that. I am in love with her.

“...And that explains why sine 90° is equivalent to 1. What the-? Ferris Bueller, are you even listening?” You waved a hand in front of his face, still not responding. He looked as if his mind was somewhere completely different. “Hello? Earth to Ferris?” He blinked a few times, shaking his head. He whispered something you didn’t quite catch. “What?” He whispered again. “I can’t hear you, pal. Speak up.” 

“I love you. There, I said it.” You were at a loss for words as your eyes met. Both of you progressively got redder by the second.

“What in the right mind made you say that?” Confusion was evident in your voice, as well as nervousness. 

“I’ve loved you for a while now and when you dropped everything to visit me today, I realized how deep I’ve fallen,” Ferris bashfully stated. He could be cheesy at times but you thought it was cute.

“Woah, you are such a fucking sap,” You both burst into laughter, him scoffing and clutching his chest in mock offense. “I love you too, you dingus.”

His heart fluttered as you said it. The mix of his sickness and your confession made him lightheaded. You plopped down on his bed, hugging him tightly. “Wait, what are you doing? You’re too close, I’m gonna get you sick!” He asked as you kissed his nose. 

You got under the covers with him, rolling your eyes, “You think I still care? I fucking love you for Christ’s sake!” You made him laugh at that. “How about that nap you suggested earlier, hmm?”

He closed his eyes, the biggest grin still plastered on his face. “She loves me,” being the last thought in his head before contently falling asleep.

[ambitionsource]

hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

[mannatea]

Not That Deep: A Psycho Pass Critique

This post is not spoiler-free, and is the result of multiple rewatches over the span of five years. If you remember any of my old Psycho Pass meta, please toss it straight into the garbage. I swear I’m better at conveying my thoughts now. (Joke’s on you if you think I’ve learned to condense my posts, though.)

Disclaimer: all opinions expressed within this post are mine and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of my followers or friends. I welcome discussion/debate.

Psycho Pass (abbreviated to PP for simplicity’s sake from this point forward) is an anime in that very specific genre that belongs to societies that are portrayed as Utopian but aren’t. For the record, the setting can’t really be described as ‘dystopian’ or ‘futuristic hellscape’ either. The series calls itself “cyberpunk.”

In the year 2112, Japan has closed itself off from the world and implemented the Sibyl System: a judgment oracle. Citizens of the country are monitored by the system and have a “psycho-pass” assigned to them. This “psycho-pass” measures their stress levels, brain activity, and potential to commit a crime. When a person’s crime coefficient (CC) exceeds 100, they are considered a latent criminal and put into isolation to receive mandatory therapy. If they do not recover, they remain in isolation. The story follows the main character, Tsunemori Akane, as she joins the series’ version of a police force.

Trigger warnings for this series include gore, violence (sexual, emotional, physical), and an obscene amount of philosophy.

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Again, below the readmore/cut will be spoilers.

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Worldbuilding/Craft

I feel like it’s important to get into the meat of the discussion as quickly as possible with this series, especially considering the title of this post: Not That Deep.

I’m not going to bother ‘rating’ the different facets/aspects of the show because I don’t think it’s necessary, and this isn’t really a review so much as a discussion/critique. Either you liked the series or you didn’t. If you’re reading this you either have an open mind or you want to get angry, and both reasons are at least a little valid.

PP is a series that REALLY wants to be deep, but falls flat in almost every conceivable way. I’m saying this as someone who enjoyed it enough to write fanfiction about it the last time I watched it, and who not only recommended it to multiple friends, but screenshared the entire series with one recently so that she could see it.

I think the general concept of Sibyl and Akane’s futuristic society is presented in a digestible way. I appreciate the attempts to integrate cool future tech into the show, but I’m especially impressed by the way they go about it. It’s all stuff that your average person living right now would adopt and use regularly if given a chance (auto driven cars, drones, AI secretaries, holo clothes/outfits). Without those specific scenes, I feel like the worldbuilding would almost collapse in on itself; these little details made it easy to imagine living in the world, and gave a little personality to the characters as they made use of them—like little glimpses into their personal taste.

It also helped to take the focus and pressure off of the less-nice aspects of the Sibyl System. No wonder people are generally pretty happy/content in this world: they can wear sweatpants and just holo something else over it! (Sign me up!)

Unfortunately the worldbuilding beyond that isn’t great, but I also don’t think it’s fair to say that it’s bad. It’s just...kind of mediocre...while still managing, at least for the first season, to feel coherent.

We have hues and crime-coefficients. They are not the same thing, but they might as well be because one isn’t bad without the other being bad: EVER. Ginoza’s CC rises as his hue darkens throughout S1. Togane’s hue is black and he has the highest CC on record. Makishima’s hue is clear and his CC is 0 (when he wills it to be). What’s the point of having both, then? Is it just for a fun color-coding system? It’s never explained in any way that makes sense. The one character likely to have a high CC and a clear hue is Makishima (a sociopath), but he has both a clear hue and a low CC. (Kamui is another anomaly, but he can’t be measured at all, so he doesn’t really fit into this specific discussion.) Basically, having hues and CCs both exist just feels a little bit too much like “it sounded cool so we included it” instead of: “These both serve serious purposes in the world.” They want really bad to fling philosophy at the viewers, but seem to neglect this really large aspect of the world where it would be perfect to latch on.

Technology is advanced to the point of having cybernetic arms that function effortlessly and people can almost achieve full cybernization if they have the money/will to. Kamui was 184 people stitched together lol... And yet Akane has just one living grandparent (who apparently can’t even move on her own). I’m not really put off by this, but you’d think the technology/health debate would be a much bigger part of the story beyond the news broadcast that was shown.

I think the biggest niggling little worldbuilding issue is the fact that the implementation of Sibyl happened ~20 years ago. I like the detail for what it gives us for some characters (Masaoka and Ginoza specifically), but I find it mostly implausible. Maybe it was fully implemented 20 years ago, but the framework was another 20 years in the making. It just doesn’t work otherwise. The second it was implemented families would have been shattered and that shattering would have put even more people into isolation due to their CC rising. I mean, if someone took my 5-year-old away from me, I’d be in isolation REAL QUICK, ‘cause that’s the kind of trauma you don’t just Get Over or Move Past.

Speaking of five-year-olds, in the boarding school episodes, they mention a law that protected minors, which feels out of place because Kagari was not protected by that law...which means it couldn’t have been around very long in the first place. If the scanners can flag a 5-year-old child and take him away from his parents, high school students aren’t exempt either. The mention of the law would have been a nice touch if it had only recently been appealed/removed, but it was only around for a few years ~20 years ago, so it feels awkwardly placed/silly.

Again, not everything worldbuilding/craft-related is bad. Like I said earlier, the world in general feels pretty cohesive and the characters belong there. The issues mostly sit with the fact that they tried to include a lot of ‘neat’ or ‘dramatic’ (or even ‘dark’) things...without stopping to consider if they actually fit within the narrative they were trying to construct.

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Plot/Storylines

This is where the series shines. Or at least, this is probably the strongest point in PP’s favor.

The biggest criticism I have: it doesn’t actually do anything new and exciting.

That said, I don’t think every bit of media out there needs to flip the script to be enjoyed, and I liked PP just fine for what it was.

Season One was definitely stronger in this department than later material.  What made S1 feel strong was having enough time to actually move the plot along while also developing the characters. S2 was comparatively rushed and had a lot of really unnecessary plotlines and gore. The movie was...eh, but I think it was an improvement over S2. (I haven’t seen Sinners of the System yet, so I can’t comment on those installments.)

I can find fault with a lot of S1 stuff, but for the most part I think it did a pretty good job and any faults I’d bother to point out would just be me nitpicking. The storylines melded into one another, everything was connected, et cetera. Unfortunately this comes at the cost of character relationships/development, but I’ll talk about that later. Besides, I’d rather have a cohesive series than not, so this isn’t exactly a criticism so much as an observation. The production team(s) did an excellent job of making the most of the screentime they had to work with.

S2 feels flawed almost from the start. Rather than build off of what we already learned in S1 and further develop the characters, it chose to rush headlong into a half-assed plot featuring an unbelievable antagonist. Yikes. I think it brought up an interesting question in “WC?” but instead of striking a believable balance they really just made an antagonist who was 184 people’s bodies stitched together. I can’t get over how stupid that was. Honestly, it was straight-up foolish of the writers to go through with that concept. Makishima might have been a pretentious pile of shit, but at least he felt like a human being. Kamui as a concept was just too overblown to work.

Also working against S2 was Togane. That whole plotline was completely unnecessary and throwing Akane’s grandmother under a bus on top of that was just the icing on the idiot cake. S2 was the Break the Cutie trope tenfold, but there was no danger and therefore no sense of urgency or fear. It was just gross for the sake of being gross, which was disappointing. I’m not saying that Togane isn’t the type of person to beat a crippled old lady to death, because he is, but I also never thought he was an idiot, and the progression of his attempts to blacken her hue jumped straight to the moon instead of progressing at a pace that felt more natural/reasonable. If the guy hasn’t been eliminated by an inspector after blackening many of their hues, he’s not the kind of dope to take silly risks. He could have tried any number of things to ruin Akane that didn’t involve her poor old granny (who had no real screentime and whom the audience had no connection with anyway).

S2 also gave us Ginoza doubting Akane’s sanity early on (acting like she might have written WC on her own wall), which not only feels incredibly out of character for S2 Ginoza, but never amounts to anything/goes anywhere anyway.

Hungry Chicken was an interesting touch, but SO MANY PEOPLE DIED that its impact was diminished. Division 3 had such a non-appearance in the series anyway that them being there at all just felt stupid without more lead-up.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think S2 is irredeemable, but I feel like it missed the mark consistently from start to finish. A shame, because the concept of a ‘plural’ psycho-pass might have been nifty if, say, Kamui was made up of 5 or 6 people’s bodies. Then the holos would feel meaningful. Then each ‘part’ of him would feel like a different person with different feelings and motives and skills. 

Anyway, I think S2 muddied the waters too much with Kamui and the body doubles and Shisui all that nonsense, too. At a certain point if your plot gets too complex, especially with overblown concepts thrown into the mix, it just feels silly. That’s basically what happened to S2.

Again, S1 wasn’t perfect. Makishima was exhaustingly boring. Cool, so you can quote a bunch of crap you’ve read. Great. So can I. Who are you as a person, though? That Guy in my Philosophy 101 class who argued with the professor? Yeah, I could picture that! 

People love waxing poetic about how amazing an antagonist Makishima was, but the dude was a hollow shell quoting things other people said 100+ years ago. It felt like he didn’t even have his own thoughts, and as far as I saw, there weren’t even any fake philosophers mixed in with the rest to make us feel a little extra immersed in the world (and/or give us another philosophical spin on the situation).

Hey, maybe that was the point, but I’ve never seen that criticism leveled fully at the character/plot in general, so here we are.

It was just too heavy-handed. By the end of the series I wanted him dead just so I could stop listening to his mini-lectures.

Still, it may as well have been amazing compared to 184-People-Stitched-Together being the main antagonist. 

I think the movie jumped in face-first and was perhaps a little too...all over the place? But I didn’t have to endure 184 people as a single person, or ears in boxes, so... I consider it a win.

The bitter reality when it comes to Psycho Pass and the plot is that...the plot is its greatest strength, but it’s Not That Deep...even though you can tell that it’s consistently trying to be. Oof.

I think if they’d shot for something less complex, especially in S2, they’d have at least met their goals of depth/consistency. Instead what we ended up with was having a fairly decent plot devolve into one of the worst second seasons I’ve seen.

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Characters & Character Development

For such a small cast, I think PP did a pretty piss-poor job with most of their characters, but the series as a general rule is so plot-heavy that it’s not really surprising.

I can’t help but expect a lot from a series that only has a few ‘main’ characters. In this case, Akane is the Big Main Character, and is flanked by Kogami and Ginoza. In S1, there was a decent balance (with Masaoka and Kagari thrown in). In S2, it was mostly just Akane and The Bad Guys, which would be fine if the plot was incredible, or The Bad Guys were super duper interesting, but as discussed previously, the plot was akin to liquid cat barf and the characters weren’t treated much better. It was a little insulting to be handed characters who could be really fun in the right hands (literally everyone) only to see them used as plot vehicles/hallucinations/memory thoughts. Kogami randomly appearing for long boring scenes wasn’t fun or cool; it was uninspired. It’d be way cooler if it was for five seconds and felt like a...memory, almost...a passing thought. For more screentime, it could even happen more often. But no, it’s gotta be like two minutes long. 

How about the scene where Saiga talks to Koichi who just keeps turning into Kamui and he talks for like five straight minutes? UGH. Is this supposed to feel deep and meaningful? It doesn’t.

Shion sleeps with Yayoi so she can monologue plot things while Yayoi is getting dressed. Can I add that Yayoi doesn’t matter at all at any point, and Shion conveniently can do anything that needs to be done because Reasons?

Togane isn’t around long enough to feel like a worthwhile villain. Nobody cares about Shisui because we honestly don’t even know who she is! Oh, were we supposed to feel bad for Division 3? We’re supposed to feel gross about Akane’s grandmother but the writers took one line in S1 and used that to try and break the character (while also knowing full well it wouldn’t have any effect on her). Let’s not forget Mika, who is remembered as being incredibly annoying...while everyone forgets/doesn’t notice that she’s the student from the boarding school who didn’t die (and we never see her outside of work doing her own thing, which adds to her just being a pain).

Ginoza seems a little like he’s supposed to fill a spot his father left, but he doesn’t, and he’s pushed to the background to...not really do anything of import. Hinakawa is a worthless character who exists just for one plot-specific purpose. Saiga exists so that more dialogue can happen and not seem too out of place.

I’m not saying the character writing overall is trash, but it definitely ain’t good, and I think S2 is where it really struggled. S1 gave us a really interesting character in Kogami. Akane was learning and struggling to fit in at work and do things well, which was somewhat relatable. Ginoza was struggling with his mental health throughout the entire first season and had a lot of character development. But then S2 happens and the development kind of...stopped? Akane didn’t seem to really learn much because she was too busy always being right? Kogami noped out of Japan so I didn’t expect anything with him specifically, but why couldn’t Yayoi have moved into the limelight? Shion? One of the new guys? ANYONE?

Don’t get me wrong. I still have characters I like, and I can see potential in the others. I just wish I was seeing more than potential is all, especially with characters like Yayoi that have been around from Day1 and still haven’t really done anything noteworthy.

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General Criticisms/Other Thoughts

There’s a lot of shock-value violence (SVV). I guess you could say I ‘get’ the purpose of it, but there’s literally no reason that helmeted person couldn’t have beat a man to death with a hammer instead of a woman, especially considering that we have to see Spooky Boogie’s corpse looking grotesque and plenty of other crimes against women.

I feel like S2 was especially guilty of SVV, but it existed in S1, too, pretty much to the point that it started to anger me. It might not have bothered me as much if some of the violent acts were cases that stood alone, but they were all linked to the main plot and that somehow seemed to make it worse.

I also wasn’t a fan of Akane constantly being naked/near naked, of Yuki being in her underwear/negligée, of every crime against a woman ending up with a woman’s clothes being removed, and (the list goes on). One of these things? I might be able to overlook. All of them? Come on. Don’t pretend these creators weren’t doing this for their own purpose.

(I know the scene with Aoyanagi gave us the men getting undressed too [This is your natural self!], but then they showed her with all these action scenes, legs spread wide open, coordinated lacy undies/bra... C’MON. All the butt-shots of Professor Saiga and Kogami don’t make up for this or cancel it out. I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING AND I DO NOT LIKE IT.)

The music was mediocre but acceptable/fitting. 

The animation is nice. 

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Overall

This isn’t a series I’d recommend to just anyone. It has a lot of issues, and they range from being petty annoyances to straight up offensive. If you can ignore the misogynistic undertones and general lack of consistent attention to the characters, there’s a decently interesting plot waiting for you.

Unfortunately the series just feels...lacking, in the end. There is a S3 coming out (apparently featuring other characters), so the creators aren’t done playing in this world. Maybe S3 will fix some of the consistency issues?

I’ve seen a lot of people make comments about Psycho Pass being a ‘genius’ work, ignored by the general public despite its godliness. I agree that it doesn’t get the attention you’d expect a series of this caliber (nice animation, decent soundtrack, likable main female character who isn’t some moeblob) to have, but I think I hit upon all the reasons it’s not everyone’s cuppa in the first place...and while it is open for fanfiction and so on, the lack of attention to the characters by the series itself makes it less likely to appeal to the sort of people who write fanfiction. So there you have it: a pretty decent, mostly coherent series that’s terribly violent and misogynistic. Definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, but worth a watch if you can get past those pesky negatives.

[hellevator-mp3]

of chaos and calamities || Part 2

Pairing(s): Johnten, Norenmin, Chenji/Chensung, Markhyuck

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 3000+

Warnings: None! 

Author Note: just a quick heads up as i start posting more for this universe: the beginning will probably be from johnny’s pov, but i’ll figure out some way to signal that it’s moved on to the ‘main’ ship for that chapter, so!! yeah!! and the ‘main’ ship will always be listed second under the pairings thing, so you can always know who’s gonna be like, featured, ig?? 

renjun just wants to go home and cuddle with his boyfriends, but they just have to be responsible (aka renjun is a pouty baby when his boyfriends actually go to class)

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johnny liked to call himself a lucky man. not only did he and ten have classes at the same time on the same days (which was a feat in and of itself that he never bothered to ask ten about), they managed to have classes at the same time as other parts of their friend group, which the two of them called groups a, b, and c. group a was made up of the babies of the group, aka renjun, jaemin, jeno, donghyuck, and mark (who was coincidentally a part of the other groups as well). group b was called the ‘foreigners’, meaning everyone who was born outside of korea - including johnny himself, ten, sicheng, yuta, yukhei, renjun, chenle and mark, but they were also joined by yoonoh. speaking of the younger boy, whenever someone would question his place at the foreigner’s table, he would spout off something about how he ‘lived in america for four years, that’s why he’s here’. of course, the non-english speakers had to have it explained to them the first time, meanwhile mark, johnny, ten, and yukhei all cracked up laughing at the boy. group c was made up of pretty much everyone else. mark always led the way for the rest of the group, although he was the youngest - jungwoo, taeyong, taeil and doyoung were all older than him, but allowed him to play leader for a brief bit before taeyong took his role back. while johnny and ten had classes on mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, and fridays, their friend group left them alone on tuesdays, since none of the others had schedules that matched up. johnny loved those days, since it meant that ten would shed his witty persona and don the much softer version that johnny saw much of at home, the two sitting side by side with his hand on ten’s thigh, tracing gentle shapes into his jeans as the two ate. those days were filled with quiet chatter and occasionally the scratch of a pen on paper as one of them finished an assignment, which was a very rare occurrence.

the day that johnny woke up and realized it was monday, he was tempted to skip classes. monday was their day with the babies, which usually ended with half hearted insults being tossed across the table between chenle and jisung, the gross sound of mark and donghyuck occasionally making out, and jeno, renjun, and jaemin arguing over something stupid that wouldn’t matter to them in ten minutes. while johnny loved the six of them, he could only take them in very, very small doses. he nuzzled closer to ten, feeling the smaller boy shift in his hold before he got out of bed. johnny let out a whine at the sudden absence of heat, but instead watched his beloved fiance shuffle across the room with a swollen face, pouty lips, and his figure obscured by the gigantic sweater he had donned when he proposed the week before. rolling over onto his back, johnny sprawled out on the bed and hummed in decision as he weighed his options - going to class meant that he could spend part of the day with ten, but skipping class meant that he could spend the whole day with ten, preferably cuddled up under the covers. however, when he heard the shower turn on and the toilet flush, he knew that ten had no plans of staying home. johnny sighed in defeat, even though there was no competition. he grabbed clothes for both him and ten, knowing that the younger wouldn’t want to walk into their bedroom bare, because he would just complain that it was cold. johnny slipped in behind the thai boy after dropping their clothes on the counter, and the two enjoyed a few mid-morning kisses before getting cleaned up. standing side by side, johnny watched through the mirror as ten went through his morning routine, spreading different things over his face to control the breakouts that he occasionally had. it wasn’t long before ten was skipping out of the bathroom in his bare glory, retrieving his phone from the nightstand where it was charging, and turning on music for the two of them to get ready to. even though they had been together for nearly four years, he still found himself amazed with all the little things about ten - the smoothness to his movements, the fact that he had to have music to function, the witty retorts that he couldn’t hold back, and the way his eyes sparkled in mischief when he was planning something. johnny still was amazed by the way he focused on the task at hand, whether it was his facial routine or cooking, and couldn’t stop himself from swooning when he watched ten dance or sing.

ten glanced back at johnny through the mirror, raising a hand and splashing water onto his face, causing the elder to jump in surprise and flinch at the sudden attack, leaving ten to sink to his knees and cackle at the response he received. it didn’t take long before johnny was retaliating, until ten finally pushed him away and reminded him that they had to get ready.

after another hour and a half of getting ready to leave, the two boys left their shared apartment with clean bodies and full stomachs, thanks to johnny. the two swung their intertwined hands in between them as they trudged through the thick snow, johnny tightening his grip whenever ten’s feet would begin to slide from under him. whenever johnny would look over to check and make sure the other was okay, he was entranced by the sight of the younger, who had a beanie pulled low over his ears and a scarf pulled over his mouth, leaving only his eyes and nose to face the cold. johnny wasn’t dressed any differently, although his scarf hung loosely around his neck and a mask covered the lower half of his face. they walked in silence, ten occasionally leaning on the elder when they would stop at crosswalks to wait for traffic to pass before they could cross.

not much later, they were greeting the babies on their way to classes. it was no surprise to see donghyuck caging mark against a group of lockers, peppering little kids over his face, the canadian boy’s eyes wide until he spotted johnny and ten, breaking free to join them. donghyuck trailed behind him, pouting slightly as he wrapped mittened hands around mark’s bicep, drawing the older boy closer - for warmth, he claimed. soon enough, they were joined by jeno, jaemin, and renjun, who all sported red cheeks and noses, except for jeno. the latter had a mask covering his face much like johnny, and he pulled it down to reveal a perfectly warm face. his boyfriends whined at the display, momentarily pausing the conversation that was already in progress. from across the courtyard, they heard a familiar shriek and the dull thud of skin on a thick jacket. peering out, jaemin announced that ‘chenji’ had arrived. when confronted about it, he explained that it was the first parts of their names - ‘chen’ for chenle, and ‘ji’ for jisung. this caused an argument to break out over whether it should be chenji, jichen, or - as donghyuck so bravely put it - chensung. the bell rang before they could decide, the group splitting up to their respective classrooms. jeno, jaemin, renjun, mark, and donghyuck all headed in the same direction, considering that they were taking the same class for that morning. johnny and chenle headed the opposite direction as ten and jisung, since they had classes in the same hall.

johnny spent his first class and part of his second idly doodling in the margins of his notebook, brain elsewhere when the professor was done with notes. when the bells rang and released him from his classes, his feet automatically took him to the canteen without another thought from him. he knew that ten would be waiting there for him with a hot lunch, most likely from some overrated fast food place that sat on the edge of the university walls. sure enough, ten sat at their normal table, already picking at a container of fries. johnny made his way to his fiance, but not before a set of three unfamiliar figures had walked up, making conversation with the small boy. johnny’s eyebrows furrowed as he took in the sight of the four boys conversing easily, a smile lighting up ten’s face as he forgot about the fries he was eating just moments before.

when johnny walked up, it seemed as though ten had forgotten about the others and all his focus was on johnny again. the shorter of the two lept to his feet, hurrying forward and planting a small kiss on johnny’s lips - leaving the elder stunned. it wasn’t that ten wasn’t touchy in public, it was just that he was never this forward about his affection. ten’s affection came in small touches and sticky notes left in textbooks, sometimes reading with cute messages, other times quotes from a book, and other times...messages like ‘i wanna have xxx with you, fatass. love you forever, darling’ that johnny sighed, blushed at, and promptly hid away before the young ones could see it.

ten linked their hands together, and dragged johnny back to the table, urging him to sit down so ten could take his place on johnny's lap.  johnny eyed ten suspiciously, before looking up at the three in front of them - who were all insanely attractive, all in totally different ways.  “john, this is yang yang, felix, and minhyuk from the studio that i dance at.” ten introduced the three, pointing at each one in turn.  johnny nodded at the three, taking note of their faces just in case they ever met again.  felix and yang yang were definitely foreign, if their names were any indicator, and both of them began to introduce themselves more in depth (johnny learned felix was australian and yang yang was chinese) while minhyuk looked off to the side.  a moment later, a tall boy bounded up and had his arms wrapped around minhyuk’s waist, his puppy face and soft pink hair giving him the illusion of a toddler - even though he was easily johnny’s height.  ten laughed at the younger boy’s antics, introducing him as sanha, and suddenly pointing out another person walking towards them.  donning all black was seo changbin, one of mark’s rapper friends - at least johnny knew that much.  he watched as the boy came up and stood next to felix, yang yang edging out of the way to make room.  it really was a sight to see - minhyuk in his ripped jeans and graphic tee with a tall puppy hanging over him, fingers laced loosely over minhyuk’s midsection; changbin playing with felix’s fingers as well, the two looking like polar opposites next to one another - felix’s oversized sweater and loose jeans screaming ‘soft’, whereas changbin’s ripped black skinnies, white shirt, and black leather jacket screamed ‘danger’; and yang yang, poor yang yang, standing all by himself, at least for the time being.  soon, he was surrounded by two other boys, who introduced themselves quickly as xiao jun and hendery, before tugging the small boy away with them.  

the other two couples dispersed as well, and johnny swore he caught myungjun and jinwoo - who were part of taeil and jungwoo’s friend groups, respectively - staring at them as they interrogated the younger boys.  sanha merely grinned, while minhyuk presumably explained why they had stopped to talk to ten.  johnny turned his attention back to ten, who had since curled up against his chest, heaving a sigh of exhaustion.  a laugh bubbled up in johnny’s chest, before he looped his arms under the smaller boys legs and his back, standing up and turning both of them around to find chenle and jisung sitting behind them, sharing what was assumed to be johnny’s fries.  the sight didn’t scare either of the elders, already used to the young ones and their quiet coming and going.  when they sat back down, ten resumed munching on his now-cold fries, while johnny picked at his meal.  renjun, jaemin, and jeno came from one door, meeting up with mark and donghyuck, who came in through the other door.  one from each couple was holding a bag of food, presumably for the rest of them to share, which was promptly tossed on the table and divvied out.  mark and donghyuck shared a milkshake as well - but mark complained the whole time about how expensive it was, even though everyone could see that he was happy that the sweet treat made donghyuck happy.  

the nine of them ate in relative silence, and revelled in the time that they had when they were done, before they had to go to class.  that is, until renjun announced his plan to skip his last lecture and instead, go on a date with his two wonderful, beautiful, perfect boyfriends.  both boys shared a look, before glancing back at him and replying with a firm ‘no’.  renjun pouted, and he didn’t speak until word until the bell rang.  then, he planted a quick kiss on each of their foreheads, and walked out of the canteen silently.  jeno and jaemin shared another glance, sighing, before getting to their feet and walking to their shared next class hand in hand.  johnny and ten both looked after renjun, not even noticing the other two couples in their presence slipping away, leaving the two elders to clean up the trash on their way out, grumbling all the while.  

--

meanwhile, renjun trudged through the snow with his face covered by the mask that he stole from jeno, fingers tucked into the pocket of his jacket as he considered his next move.  he could stop in a corner store and stock up on junk food, and have a movie marathon by himself.  however, he shot that idea down quickly, instead deciding to stock up on junk food, take a shower and a nap when he got home, and wait for the other two before having a movie marathon.  they had no classes the next day, which meant a night of crappy entertainment, lots of cuddling, and a few pints of ice cream.  

satisfied with that, he stopped in the corner store that was just a block away from their shared apartment, wandering the aisles until he had gathered a sizable pile.  he was thanking every god he knew that his small business was taking off, giving him the extra money to spend on his beautiful boys.  the thought of them made him smile, even though nobody could see it under the mask.  he thanked the cashier before wandering back out in the cold, hurrying down the sidewalk to the apartment building, desperate to get in and away from the cold.  not much later, he was hiding away the goods, stripping in their bedroom, and jumping in the shower with the water almost as hot as it would go.  

after washing off and drying his hair, he slipped back into the bedroom and threw on a pair of sweatpants that cinched tight at the waist, and one of jeno’s muscle shirts.  once he began to feel the cold of the room take over, he padded over to the thermostat and fiddled with it, listening to the hiss of hot air as it began to warm the room.  satisfied, he nearly jumped into bed and tossed the covers over himself, snuggling up to the pillow that jaemin had been using that morning.  with a small, content noise, renjun drifted off to sleep with the scent of his boyfriends to gently lull him to sleep.  

the loud banging of a door and a quiet cursing is what ultimately woke him up.  he knew that it was more than likely that jaemin let the door slam, and jeno was reprimanding him for it.  he could hear the two of them talking quietly as they snuck past him into the bathroom, showering together quickly before getting dressed and joining him in bed.  jeno unceremoniously rolled him over when he saw renjun was awake, sliding under the covers and letting jaemin snuggle up to renjun's other side.  the three of them lay in silence for a minute, before jaemin apologizes for not skipping with him.  renjun's fake pout was broken in an instant, and soon he had dislodged a half-asleep jeno in order to attack jaemin and pepper his face with kisses, somehow ending up in his lap as the cute kiss attack turned into a slightly heavy make out session that jeno ignored.  when the two only got louder, jeno huffed and yelled that 'some people are trying to sleep, you monsters’, causing the other two to smother him in kisses as well, leaving the boy to giggle under their advances.  

soon enough, the three were curled up on the couch, jeno laying over jaemin and renjun's legs as he munched on some popcorn that renjun had popped, while the other two dug into pints of ice cream.  a dumb movie that none of them had seen was playing in the background, but renjun found himself looking more at the two boys he loved than the movie.  when the main character did something completely stupid, jeno would make a sarcastic remark (“oh yeah, just walk into that abandoned house, that's a great idea”) that left renjun in stitches.  jaemin was quieter, still huffing out laughter at jeno's comments, while his hand played aimlessly with the hair on the nape of renjun's neck.  that's how the three of them spent the night, eventually falling asleep on the couch together, and deciding upon waking up that they were going to have a breakfast date.  as renjun watched the boys get ready, he felt a warmth swell up in his chest that even the snow outside couldn't quench.  and as he stood in the middle of the two to brush his teeth, and helped jeno knot his scarf properly, and even readjusting jaemin's jacket buttons, he found that there was no where else he'd rather be.  

except for at their local dinner, challenging the others to a competition of 'how many pancakes can we eat before we throw up from sugar overdose’, but that doesn't count.  

[benhardyaf]

PART TWO    |    read part one

It was two-thirty and I was spent. Almost twenty-eight vigilant hours and so far the street had been silent. The only sign of life was the small bird that had landed on the street sign, Lemon Road, stared at me for a time, and flown off into the distance when a gust of wind blew into its feathers.

I’d ditched my binoculars, having parked only a few spaces down from the property. I was watching a big brick house sat between two weatherboard ones. It had a low picket fence at the front and didn't strike me at all as the sort of thing a college student would live in. It was too nice.

I fidgeted in my seat, peeling my sweaty legs from the aged leather, keeping my eyes trained on the beige front door. The air conditioning was on, but my car still felt like a sauna in the sun. The sunglasses over my eyes didn't stop the glare from making me squint, barely able to concentrate on anything but the slight hum of my radio.

I was being inconspicuous.

I was also struggling to keep my eyes open. I was functioning on about three hours sleep and the slightly laid back position of my seat was making it far too comfortable. I could almost imagine myself in my own bed at home, head resting on not one but two soft pillows, my legs tangled up in my purple comforter - because it was far too hot to actually lie underneath - and the ticking of the clock on my wall, lulling me off to sleep.

Tap tap tap.

I had no bloody clue where I was. I do not recommend waking up in the middle of the day in your car on an unfamiliar street. Blinded by the sun, a moan slipped through my lips. Seconds passed where I stared at nothing but my hands, trying to figure out what I was doing. A quiet buzz echoed from an overworked fan and I finally remembered I was at a strangers house, trying to catch a cheater.

My heart skipped a beat when I looked to my left. Outside my car window stood a tall figure, hunched over to look in. He had his hands cupped over his face to shield the sun, and a crooked smile graced his lips.

It was him.

I hadn't ever seen him in person, but after receiving my ‘assignment’ I did a thorough job of stalking his Facebook profile (or the minimal parts of his profile I could view because I wasn’t friends with him). And if this long-haired, dimple flashing, Hawaiian shirt wearing giant wasn't Harry Styles, then he must have a twin.

He tapped on my window again. What was I supposed to do? Cassidy hadn't given me instructions for if he came to speak to me. What the fuck? No one even considered the fact. Why didn’t she prepare me for this?

Hesitantly, I did the only thing I could; I unlocked the car and let him open the door. He propped a ripped-denim-right-knee on the passenger seat and leant in, smirk growing as he took in my dishevelled appearance.

"You've been sitting outside my house for two days."

He was British? In all my research I had not found the slightest bit of evidence that he was foreign. In the back of my mind I thought this could only lead to more trouble if I were caught, ‘she was stalking that British guy’. He would get so much sympathy, he probably had connections with the Queen. Maybe that’s why he lived in such a nice house off student campus, why he could afford to be dating the head bitch of a sorority. Also, I had no clue how to respond to that, so I said the first thing that came to my head: “Actually, I went home overnight.”

He raised his eyebrows and I took the opportunity to study him. He looked friendly enough. Up close, his eyes were a different green, the blue tint popping due to the horrid shirt he was wearing. His hair was greasy and it fell past his shoulders, it could have been longer than mine if the slight curls didn’t cause it to bounce back up. The tattoos that covered one of his arms looked all sorts of tacky; almost like he went to the store - piss drunk - and asked the artist to ink a random array of meaningless crap sporadically across it.

"Is that a camera?" Harry asked, pulling me from my slightly offensive thoughts. His eyebrows were drawn in and he was pointing to my large DSLR.

I could only thank my lucky stars that I hadn’t caught sight of him before, so there was no damning evidence he could take me to court with. "Yes?" I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t a crime to own a camera, but before I could, he asked me another question that sent me into a spin.

"Have you been taking photos of me?" When was good cop going to arrive? I was already sick of his grilling me. It was hard to tell if he was angry or amused - a straight face complete with one set of very dead eyes made him difficult to gauge. I felt like he was the type of guy who would act entertained when you spilled wine on his carpet, but when you came over the next week, he won't let you drink anything and you’d find a plastic sheet has been set out under the dining table. A passive little shit.

I scoffed. "Not yet." He froze. I froze. I wasn't supposed to say that. I really wasn't supposed to say that.

It might have been five seconds, it might have been five minutes, but the silence following my stupid slip up was so so so painful. I could picture my death very clearly. Cassidy was going to go all Sorority Row on me - stick a tyre wrench through my heart and throw me in an abandoned well - swearing all her slaves to secrecy. She might even get him in on it, I’m sure his royal money could buy silence.

Finally, he shook his head, eyes wide. "The cute ones are always crazy."

The fact that he had just called me cute hadn’t slipped my mind at all. In fact it simmered in there for a while. I wasn’t cute. I hadn’t slept properly in two days and I had attempted to quench my hunger with disgusting muesli bars and lukewarm coffee. I looked like Gollum. It was also gross that he could say such things to someone he didn’t know while his girlfriend sat at home worried that he was cheating on her.

I opened and closed my mouth, trying to find something to say that could fix the situation. I failed. I think I was starting to get a headache with the 360 set of emotions this guy had, every second brought on a new face and a new unreadable mental state.

"Whatever." He shook his head again, confused. My own confusion grew with his. "Just," He began, running a hand through his hair, "don’t die." He shoved a bottle into my hand. It was cold, and I immediately felt less groggy with just the simple touch of it. It was filled with a dark green liquid. Pressed Juice. Superfood Green. Bet he spent over ten bucks on it.

I looked up to say something to him - probably a thank you for not calling the cops - but he was already pulling himself out of the car and closing the door, walking inside and looking back at me every few seconds, shaking his head all the while. I sure as hell took photos of him then.

That night I sat on my couch, food simmering as I waited for mom to come home. I tried calling Marty as I flicked through stations on the tv.

Mom didn’t come home. Marty didn’t answer. My dinner went cold.

He'd given me carrot juice. The bright orange goo in the bottle looked sickening. I was no baby and I would not drink that. He could tell I was not impressed. "You don’t like carrots?"

"No." I returned the juice, barely holding back the scrunch of disgust in my nose. He shrugged his shoulders but stayed seated in the passenger seat of my car. The same way he had done for three days in a row.

He was wearing ripped up black jeans and another hideously colored button up. He had no shoes on and his grey socks were dirty from walking on the pavement.

"Are you going to tell me why you're stalking me?" He twisted the cap off and started drinking the juice. Gross.

I shook my head, no, ignoring him the same way I had every time he asked, pulling the camera from next to me and snapping a photo of him. Click. "But you're making my job very easy."

His eyes widened. "So you admit it's a job!" He looked like a child on Christmas day, his legs shaking from excitement and hands rubbing together. It was kind of cute - not that I cared. Click. ”But if this is going to end up in a kidnapping and you’re trying to scare me, you should probably stop wearing pink.”

I laughed, looking at the pastel pink shift dress I was wearing. He had a point. I looked like baby spice in the early years. Maybe I should’ve been drinking that juice.

Click. Undeterred by my invasion of his privacy, he looked into the distance, his right thumb and forefinger pinching his bottom lip. At first I thought he was trying to model for me, but I then realised he was probably thinking long and hard about me. "You're not doing it for your own personal gain?"

I laughed again, not really finding it funny though. "I'm not sure what I would gain by taking photos of some College student I don’t even know." Harry really was an odd study. He had so far shown no signs of the spoilt brat I knew him to be, the English guy who dated sorority presidents and cheated on them with anyone he felt like. He potentially could have been spiking my juices every morning, but they were sealed bottles, so I doubt he was.

He shrugged, taking another sip of the disgusting liquid. “People have done weirder things.”

“People with motive have done weirder things.” Maybe Harry was one of those people.

He looked at me with a frown. “Well, Maxine, I’ve yet to learn your motive, so weird is still on the table.”

Maxine? I hadn’t told him my full name. In fact I was so careful not to do so, I didn’t want to risk my cover.

I rolled my eyes, feigning nonchalance. He was seriously irking me. “Well, despite what you may think,” I pulled my phone out of his large hands, sending him a glare, “I actually have other things I need to be doing.” I waved my hands in the direction of his door. “So get out.”

He laughed, resisting my pushing and prodding until I finally forced him onto the pavement. As soon as the door closed behind him I started the engine, slipping my sunglasses over my eyes and driving away, leaving him shaking his head at me from the sidewalk. He was an overgrown child.

I was going to be late. My first Sunday dinner at the hell hole and I was going to be late for it. Harry had distracted me so much that afternoon with his interrogation and juvenile behaviour that I almost forgot I had the meeting.

The house looked the same as the last time I’d been there. Only this time, I half knew what to expect, and rather than that putting my mind at ease, it set me on edge. I was not made for the nauseating cut and dry atmosphere Kappa Zeta Tau provided. As was evident from my own college adventures - the ones where I avoided the Greek system for all it was worth, unless there was a party that Liam dragged me to.

I took a deep breath before wrapping my knuckles twice on the paper white door. It opened in what I thought was record timing, the whoosh of air causing the whispy bits that had fallen from my ponytail to push back against my head.

“Maxine.” What was with people using my full name all the time? A slender girl with bleached blonde hair and dark blue eyes answered the door. Her body was wrapped in a peach coloured dress, leaving nothing about her curves to my imagination. I could actually see the indent of where her thong cut into her hips.

I gave her a smile, trying to ignore the anguish at hearing my name, and stopping my brain from mentally berating the girl for her choice in clothing. “It’s nice to meet you…” That was the part where she was supposed to tell me her name so we could exchange further pleasantries and you know, act like normal people. But all I got was a raised eyebrow and a terribly disguised scoff.

She stepped out of the doorway, letting me in. I followed her into the dining room. The large table was set with expensive cutlery and crockery. Something actually smelled delicious. I was surprised, my assumption of the girls was that they didn’t eat, or that they didn’t eat things that smelled that good.

I almost dropped my bag when Cassidy appeared in front of me, seemingly out of nowhere. I wondered if she had cameras planted around the house just for the purpose of catching people off guard.

She smiled at me, the same devilish grin that had started haunting my sleep. “So lovely to grace us with your presence, Maxine.” She made a big deal of looking at the delicate watch on her wrist. I wasn’t really sure why she was making a fuss, I knocked on the door a full minute early. Note to self: arriving on time means arriving late.

“Dinner is bound to be cold by now,” She raised an eyebrow at me, “but it will have to do.”

Dinner was scolding. So hot that when I took my first bite I tried to spit it out, before remembering the company I was in, and grimaced while swallowing. My throat burned with every movement down, my eyes beginning to water with the pain. I took a large gulp of water afterwards and looked around the room. The whole table was silent, eerily so, and I was certain they had all been watching me seconds before.

I was uncomfortable that I hadn’t seen Marty yet, I kept looking up at different noises around the room, hoping it would be her walking in, but she never came. After about my fourth look to the doorway, Cassidy dropped her fork with a large clang. I was mostly surprised by the action because I didn’t think she would be eating at all, but she had finished off a fair portion of her broccoli in our time.

“Martina won’t be joining us this evening, so you can stop fidgeting about, it’s making me uncomfortable.” It was ironic, really, that Cassidy was uncomfortable in the house. I was the one who knew only one person, who wouldn’t be attending, she knew every single one of those girls and she could tell them what to do. Her comfort should not have been relying on my fidgeting.

“Sorry.” I mumbled quietly, wishing my voice wouldn’t betray my feelings like that.

We finished dinner rather quickly, no distractions of talking slowing it down at all. I was dragged into the sitting room, crisp couches and white walls familiar. The only new addition to the room was the corkboard sitting behind the pristine coffee table. It stood out like a sore thumb in the bright area, it’s tan coloured legs attached to cheap wheels and the actual face of the cork looking used. It screamed second hand, something I didn’t think I’d ever associate with Kappa Zeta Tau.

Cassidy sat down, with all the grace I imagined the queen would have, and gestured to the board with her eyebrows raised. It seemed like my time had come.

My hands were shaking as I reached into my handbag to retrieve the papers I had brought. Hastily I pinned them up, regretting not typing them or writing them out nicer. They were pages simply ripped out of my notebook with my messy scrawl across, as well as a few photos of Harry that I’d taken of him stepping out of his house.

“So…” I started, wiping my sweaty hands on my dress, “I don’t think Harry actually goes to many of his classes.” It was true, Cassidy had given me his timetable and in the week I had been at his house, he hadn’t seemed to leave or arrive in time with it. “He mostly stays in his house a lot. He hasn’t had a visitor the entire time I’ve been there - I’m still not sure if he has a housemate.”

Cassidy’s expression didn’t change in the slightest. When I looked back to her I swore I could see the depths of her soul in her frighteningly beautiful eyes, and boy her soul was not happy.

“Five days.” She sighed, ignoring the overly loud snorts of the girls on the surrounding couches. “You’ve been stationed for five days and the only information you’ve got is that you think he’s a loser.”

She said stationed like my job here was official, like I was on a real stake-out working for a real authority. “I didn’t say he was a loser.”

Damn my mouth. Damn my stupid fat mouth. Cassidy took this response as a personal insult.

“So you like him?” Her eyebrows were so far up her forehead I was scared they’d just caterpillar right into her hairline. “Are you trying to tell me you like my boyfriend?”

“I-” Fuck. “No, I- I just know you have better taste than a loser.” Fuck. I kept looking at the ground, my cheeks were so hot and I could feel sweat forming at my temples.

“Whatever.” Cassidy went to looking at her perfect pink nails. “Just do better.”

I nodded, definitely motivated to try harder, never wanting to experience humiliation again if I could help it.

A few seconds passed where no one said or did anything. Cassidy looked up at me in confusion. “Well get out.” She waved her hands at me, shooing me to the front door.

Well excuse me.

I think I scuffed the patio railing with a ring on my rush out. Whoops.

[funkymbtifiction]

Character Development for Sensor-Dominants

Hi Charity! I’m sorry for asking this through the ‘Submissions’ text-box, but I don’t have a Tumblr account and I’ve noticed a couple of people doing the same thing lately, so I hope that it’s okay…?

It’s fine. :)

I’ve been actively reading about type and cognitive functions for the past couple of years, and I’ve noticed something that regularly happens in the small circle I discuss type with. Essentially, whenever a character has a vision or goal, it is decided that they are an intuitive character. For some characters this is obviously the case, otherwise there wouldn’t be a Sensor/Intuitive binary. For others though, Se-dom becomes Ne and Si-dom become Ni-dom the moment they state that they have a goal or vision, begin developing some kind of plan or try to instigate change.

It’s because of the stupid bias online (and elsewhere) that sensors can’t be smart, so if a character shows even a hint of intelligence, creativity, or a plan that includes the future, they must be an intuitive, since sensors all live in the moment and never think about the future. ;)

The best examples of the Se/Ne discussion come from anime, sorry – Mello from Death Note and Eren Jaeger from Attack on Titan, though Harley Quinn can appear to be an ENFP to some people. Some examples of the Si/Ni discussion off the top of my head are Cersei, Sansa and Maergary from Game of Thrones.

I can’t speak to anime, but Harley Quinn as an ENFP baffles me, when she’s clearly all about immediate impact for future benefits (Se/Ni axis). I guess you could make a very weak argument for inferior Si with her relationship with Joker (she’s in an abusive relationship just because she’s always been in it)... but you’d still need idealistic, ideas-stick-to-me-like-glue Ne-dom and I don’t see it.

Cersei... I am considering Ni/Se simply because I’ve realized that her methods are out of sync with the world around her in a way that Si/Ne is not, and she is clearly able to think significantly ahead (the finale this year was a good example, where she and Euron had obviously planned what to do in several scenarios in advance, and she resolutely absolutely refused to deviate from those plans even when she ‘faked’ it -- which indicates a poor Se imbalance, and lack of fearful inferior Ne that would be freaked out, thinking of the 5,000 things that could go wrong with the White Walker invasion on her doorstep). Other examples include her attempts to be significant / take a leadership role, in a male-dominated hierarchy, as if she somehow expected to be allowed to do so, even though no woman had been allowed to do so in the past -- sort of a Ni-dom idealism in play, and a lack of Si-awareness of ‘how things work.’

Show Sansa is such an SFJ I’m not sure how anyone could see her different. I know I typed her ISFJ (I think?) here but I’m fairly sure she’s an ESFJ in the grip sometimes, because she’s so assertive of her feelings and suspicious of everyone’s motives. She references her own subjective experiences 24/7, and denies anyone else knowing people ‘as well as I do’ because she lived through things they did not, which hints at a strong / dominant Si-tendency to filter everything through her perception of what happened, rather than what happened.

Margaery... I have seen good Ne/Te loop arguments, but I think she uses Fe so convincingly she must have it in her stack, so ESFJ seems right. She has a plan to sit on the throne, yes, but she goes about it through the traditional channels -- unlike Dany, who decides to just TAKE it, Margaery thinks, “How does one become powerful? How have others done it? They married the king and became the queen, and won over the populace. I’ll do that.” Unlike Cersei, she does not invent a new path to the throne, she just walks in the time-honored one established by centuries of queens -- to great success. There’s a sensor for you: they get things done, because they don’t need to reinvent the wheel to get what they want, they just go get it.

I’m open to discussion about type, and recognize that you can’t always get it right the first time, but often the Sensor function in the new type is often explained in very lazy ways – Si is linked to a grudge, bad memories and someone staying with someone past the time they should leave; Se is basically they implement their plan in the real world through observation and they like to be active.

Sadly, yes, this has become the case... because a lot of N’s are into typology due to it being an abstract theory, and because their own sensing is so poor, they are just describing ‘behaviors’ they see in people they ASSUME are sensors rather than having a deep understanding of how healthy, normal, high-functioning sensory functions work.

Si is a perspective of reality that focuses on bringing inner meaning from sensory experiences and a desire not to deviate from personal experience, which then feeds into a greater collective understanding of something (Ne).

Se is an objective perception of reality that focuses on the events themselves, unfiltered except to form intuitive (Ni) conclusions based on hunches or to take actions calculated for future impact.

Si/Ne axis wants to be meticulous and construct knowledge in a way that could be included in future text books, it is that detailed. Se/Ni axis wants to take swift action for future impact, and focuses intently on the object to derive personal meaning from it.

I’m not certain of my own type as yet, but I’ve been stuck on the idea that I’m a Sensor because I feel that sense of doom when things start to get stressful, and I become paralyzed and unsure what move to make to leave the situation. I’ve struggled through anxiety, and admit that that may color my interpretation of my type, but it is difficult to be sure when there seems to be a lack of consistency in the information about sensors, and, while there may be more of them in the world, there does not appear to be the same quantity of them online.

General anxieties about the future do not always have to be a low intuitive function; rather, you should focus on whether you are more inclined to perceive the details of an object, concept, or idea (S) before you consider the broad implications, or more inclined to focus on the broad picture than the details (N). S types are more interested in DOING, whereas N types often just THEORIZE. This is why an ISFP would probably get in their boat and go help the flooding victims from the hurricane (affirmative action) while an INFP would be more likely to raise money for their relief (concern conceptualized through sharing the idea of people’s suffering) -- that’s a broad example.

It becomes frustrating when examples of characters of a certain type, notably Si-doms and Sensing-Feelers, suddenly seem to change in the eyes of some people because their character has a goal or has been allowed to develop. The remaining characters at the end of type discussions that often remain Si-doms in the eyes of the group are the side-kicks, the personal assistants or the character that is eventually ‘saved’ from their situation by someone else and never by their own means. Se-doms are the badass side-kicks or the friend who never plans anything and comes in as comic relief at random intervals. I enjoy providing practical help to the people around me, but… Seriously?

Instead of changing their type, you should consider that the character is developing lower intuitive functions. Sansa, for example, was not cunning or intuitive on her own merit, but learned how to think that way from Littlefinger (God rest his poor, angst-ridden soul)... and she will never reach his levels. Just sayin’. When people assign intuitive types to characters based on very small margins or details, it says more about them and their negative bias against sensors than it does the character.

Though, I will take issue with Se-doms as the sidekicks. They are most action heroes... in... well, everything from cop shows to big-screen blockbusters. ESTPs are the most popular go-to in those formats. ;)

Would it be possible for you to write a little about differences in character development for Sensor/ Intuitive dominants, where the character makes changes themselves? Also, I know that you’re a bit of a history buff, so I was wondering whether you know of any Si-/Se-dom leaders that subvert this trend? That were able to take charge and make change through their own agency, for a goal or vision.

In real life, healthy people learn from their mistakes. In good fiction, characters should learn from their mistakes, grow, and be different at the end of the series or film than at the first, provided it allows for character development. This is why James Cameron is a good filmmaker; he does not write the best scripts, but his characters are never quite the same at the end of the story as the beginning. They overcome hangups, learn to put aside their prejudices, or connect to a deeper truth and abandon their old life for something new.

These are not all sensor dominants, but they are worth mentioning:

Jake (ISTP) in Avatar learns to connect to his Ni, through interaction with the deeply spiritual natives; he comes to respect their beliefs and yearn for a deeper connection to nature. He chose this, once he encountered it. (Neytiri (ESFP) must also overcome her prejudices toward Jake.)

Elijah (ISFJ) in The Vampire Diaries and The Originals must learn to put the past behind him in order to embrace a greater future; he comes to acknowledge that his blind devotion to his ‘family’ endangers himself and them, and he makes the choice to sever some of those ties so he can find happiness. At the same time, Hayley (ESTP) learns to put aside her roaming nature, and find comfort in having a stable ‘family’ unit -- both with Elijah and the wolf pack; and Klaus (ENTJ) finally comes to terms with his volatile emotions and learns that a knee-jerk violent reaction (poor Se/Fi) is not often the right answer. 

Probably the most visionary, influential Se-dom leader that comes to my mind was Winston Churchill, who foresaw the perils of Hitler and went out of his way to protect his nation, recruit foreign aid (he popped a bottle of champagne open when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, because he said “We have won the war... the Japanese have awakened the sleeping giant”), and to enforce what he believed were positive policies after the war ended. People need to remember that Se/Ni can have a vision, and anyone can have goals, regardless of type -- how they achieve their goals defines their cognition.

I’m afraid I can’t think of a Si-dom leader offhand that entirely bucked tradition, but I’ll be on the lookout for one.

Thank you for reading :-) Your time and effort put into this blog is really appreciated, and has helped me greatly in my own typing journey, as I’m sure it has many others. 

Thank you. Let me know if you need more help. :)

- ENFP Mod

[howtohero]

#044 Contact Information

Superheroes cannot reasonably be expected to be aware every time a crime or supervillain attack occurs. They’re busy people! Or they’re very oblivious. Also, ever since that space shuttle full of alien robots crashed into that volcano it’s gotten hard to determine which giant robots strolling through the city are part of some evil scheme and which ones are just confused, but friendly, alien robot tourists who just got lost on their way back to where they parked their crashed spaceship. So sometimes heroes just don’t know when or if they’re supposed to spring into action all heroic-like. So it’s a good idea for superheroes to set up some sort of system by which the public, or certain elements of it, can get in touch with them. If you happen to have super hearing this isn’t really such a pressing issue for you. All you have to do is listen for someone calling your name. But for the rest of you, that only works if someone is screaming your name in your immediate vicinity. And what are the odds of that happening??? Probably they are very low. 

The first thing you have to do is determine who you want to be able to get in contact with you. Members of your own support-squad should definitely be able to call you when they need you and communicate with you while you’re out in the field. You should probably just all get matching communicators. That would be so fun! You could have a night where the whole squad gets together and everyone customizes their own communicators. You can get stickers and glitter. Just go all out on those Team Bat-Fish-Giant-Bird-Wing-Woman communicators. You’re also going to want other, unaffiliated superheroes to be able to get in contact with you. If you and all your super buds get your communicators from the same Radio Hut you could probably arrange to meet up on a separate channel which can be used to communicate with each other. Provided you’re in range of course. And can get a signal. It will always be hard to contact another hero when you’re underwater or in space. So think about that before you go off into deep water/space. Don’t dive right in and blast right off and then think to yourself “oh man, you know who would be great to have as backup here? Ny™@r3 the sagely horse who gives advice to troubled youths!” You need to have all of those thoughts before hand! Also if you try to get matching walkie-talkies with all your pals you become one of those “you can only reach me if you’re within a thousand kilometers of me and also if you shop at the same electronic stores as me” people and those people are always a hassle to get in contact with. Another thing you can do is to just casually give out the cellphone numbers of the people on your support team to anyone who asks and this way if someone needs to contact you they can call them and then they can determine if it’s an important enough message to relay to you. 

The next people who are probably want to in touch with you are (your parents go call them you jerk!) the police. Sometimes solving and preventing crimes is difficult. Sometimes the city doesn’t have enough money in its budget to train their cops to fight evil talking polar bears. So they give you a call. They don’t have to pay you anything. You get off on that stuff. (This is all presupposing that you’ve gotten past the awkward “is that guy in the costume punching other guys a criminal???” phase with the local law enforcement)/]. But how will the police contact you? Can they call you? Beep you? If they wanna reach you? An idea that might seem attractive in theory is to provide the local PD with some kind of giant spotlight that they can shine into the sky whenever there’s trouble. But just know that that’s stupid. That’s not an effective way to get in touch with a person. Like, at all. What if there’s an emergency during the day? What if you’re out of town or, I dunno, indoors? What if you’re not just staring at the sky?! It’s also a great way to let all your enemies know exactly where you’re going to be. That’s a great way to get murdered. If you don’t want to get murdered, don’t do that. 

Instead what you should do is set up some sort of hotline. But not the kind of hotline that gets advertised on billboard and park benches and indoor blimps at basketball games. You don’t want to get flooded with calls for help moving furniture or doing arithmetic homework or prank calls from supervillains. Don’t fly around the city dropping business cards with your number on them. Don’t hang up flyers in your local Pizza Shack. Don’t take out an ad in the papers. What you should do is give your number to a few key individuals, the mayor, the police commissioner, your parents, that guy who tipped you ten bucks after you saved his life that one time, the president, the chef at your favorite restaurant, attractive journalists, me, so that we can always contact you if there’s an emergency you need to be aware of. 

If answering calls isn’t really your thing –which I get, talking on the phone is hard- another thing you can consider doing is setting up an email address which people can use to contact you. Or have both the hotline and an email server and allow more people to have access to the email address while keeping the hotline reserved for just like, me and the president. Having an email setup is handy because you can just use the search function to find the most urgent emergencies. Searching keywords such as “monster attack” or “alien invasion” or “free ice cream, ends tonight,” can help you cut through the frivolous and the spam. You can also just assign interns to maintain the email account and then they can pass on the most pressing information directly to you. You can even let them craft fun responses to the emails! Stuff like “hey thanks for these pictures of your cat dressed in a cape we printed them out and hung them up all over the hideout,” or “hey, we know we said we liked those pictures of your cat with the cape, and we did. We liked them a lot. But you need to stop sending us pictures now. You’ve sent us over three thousand pictures of your cat in a cape. It’s not even different capes. it’s always the same cape. This is absurd. You need to stop.” Of course, that means letting a bunch of college kids represent you on the internet while also allowing them to decide which world-threatening emergencies are worth your time,  and there’s definitely a learning curve that comes with that, but they’ll probably get the hang of it quickly. 

You can also set up a PO Box which people can mail letters to. Or train pigeons to bring you letters! That’d be pretty neat! (If I had a pet carrier pigeon I’d name it Carrie, everyone call out your dream pigeon names in the comments!) This will cut down on the amount of adoring messages that will inevitably clog up your voicemails and inboxes. Make it clear to your legions of fans that you will only read love letters or fan mail if they are sent through your country’s esteemed postal services. (Also I guess this would be a good place to direct people to send pictures of their cats in human clothes.) This can also be handy if someone knows about a crisis that will occur in the future and thus, is not exactly urgent information now. Stuff like “My cousin just got a doctorate in mad science and also bought a bunch of bats off of the internet and I’m concerned,” or “The ghost of my grandfather’s college roommate appeared to me and warned me that an army of evil old-timey ghosts are going to attack the living realm in three months’ time,” stuff that’s important for a superhero to be aware of but not as pressing as some of the other stuff you need to be informed about.

No matter which method(s) you decide to adopt you’ll quickly find that allowing people to contact you to report crimes and/or emergencies will vastly improve your ability to actually be where you need to be to help people. Don’t be one of those chumps that just wanders around waiting to come across danger. I mean you can still do that too. That’s kind of proactive I guess. But also make sure people can get in touch with you when they need to.

[christopherisonphotoblog]

CANON EOS R - A REAL WORLD REVIEW

If you’re a photographer, amateur or professional, you’ll be fully aware of the ‘mirrorless revolution’. Hey, you may even be a card carrying member of it. I’m not, not yet anyway…

I’ve been a Canon EOS user since 1995 when Canon took the world by storm, introducing the EOS-1 with a new lens mount and incredibly fast AF lenses. I remember at the time that it felt like they’d almost reinvented the wheel, infinitely refined it for sure.

As an editorial and now commercial photographer Canon cameras and lenses have served me extremely well ever since. Over recent months and years however, I’ve been glancing regularly back over my shoulder as competing camera makers have been introducing, developing and refining their mirrorless ranges as Canon appeared, at least, to be ignoring this evolution of the digital genre.

Finally, after ten years of mirrorless, Canon has woken up to the possibilities of mirrorless and is embracing the innovations in lens development made by the removal of the reflex mirror and the pentaprism.

THE DECLARATION OF INTEREST

Canon has always offered excellent and comprehensive professional support which is one reason why I have stayed with the brand and they have kindly leant me an EOS R body, vertical grip, two lenses and a mount adaptor. They are not paying me and I don’t feel beholden to them. I got my hands on the kit for purely selfish reasons, to see if it will help me provide a better product for my clients. Canon haven’t even requested a blog post from me, I do this in the hope that fellow pros considering the same move might be enlightened by what I’ve found out. But I must thank Canon for the no-strings loan 🙌🏻. For the record, this loan included an EOS R body, vertical grip, RF 50mm f1.2 L USM, an RF 24-105mm f4 L USM, a control ring mount adaptor EF-EOS R and a couple of batteries.

So, with that out of the way, here is my real-world, working pro’s review of the Canon EOS-R. (I should add here that this won’t be an exhaustive, in depth, techie review. More a practical one.)

So, IS mirrorless the future??

…is the question I’ve been pondering for about 12 months now. Is the grass greener on that side of the photographic fence?

THE ASSIGNMENT

I was commissioned by the Kennel Club to shoot Crufts this year, the premier, world famous dog show held in Birmingham, UK.

Now, I’ve not shot Crufts since 1993, back in my Leica film days (also called the R series coincidentally); so this was an exciting prospect. I packed my newly acquired kit and EOS 5D mark4 and EOS 5D mark3 and headed northward to the NEC.

OVERVIEW AND INITIAL THOUGHTS - (But not conclusions. Keep reading for those…)

I didn’t have long to familiarise myself with the camera before getting stuck in to the four day assignment, but I’d had a day playing with a pre-production model before the R was released to market and as a long-term Canon user I was able to follow my nose and manage the settings as per my 5D. This got me somewhere close to ready without much trouble. There were one or two hiccups, but Canon put me straight pdq. 💪🏻

One of my main concerns with mirrorless has been the electronic viewfinders. I tried a fuji about five years ago and knew instantly we would never be friends. However, EVF technology has come leaps and bounds in the intervening years and this one is impressive. I had fully expected this to be a barrier but instead I was able to work, almost, without thinking about it. 

In the hand, the camera isn’t too small but actually sits better in portrait orientation when the vertical grip is attached. There is more space if using an EF lens with the EF/RF mount adaptor fixed. I actually found this to be a benefit rather than an encumbrance.

An unexpected feature I instantly fell in love with was within the viewfinder. When shooting vertically, all the active, digital readings automatically migrate to the bottom of the viewfinder; fantastic for usability! (Unfortunately, the Canon manual doesn’t feature a picture of this and I didn’t want to steal one from another reviewer.)

I was intrigued by the silent shutter operation but initially was unable to activate it without consulting the manual - partial fail on my part but Canon do make you jump through a number of hoops in order to facilitate its use. Users must de-activate anti-flicker, activate one-shot, then switch to silent. Frustratingly, when an option is inactive and the user selects it you get a message that hints at why and then you have to hunt around to deactivate whatever is causing the problem. I think this information could have been more specific at times in order to speed up the problem solving pathway.

There are two control wheels on the top of the camera for index finger and thumb which are well positioned, the thumb one however turns the wrong way IMHO. The direction can be reversed but only as a pair, not independently of each other.

As someone who is constantly altering my af point locations, I really liked the ability to move the af point with my thumb on the back screen without taking my eye from the viewfinder, and to almost anywhere within the frame; only narrow strips up the left and right of the frame where off-limits. I did find that this facility sometimes dictated my composition of an image. Occasionally, when shooting in a rush (of course) I found the sensitivity of the contact lacking, but I’m open to this possibly being down to ‘operator error.’ 🤷🏼‍♂️

I found the zoom ring of the RF24-105mm f4L I’d been loaned was really quite stiff which caused instability during use. Also, it’s a very compact lens with the zoom close to the mount (difficult for us with big hands) and the fact that the zoom and focus rings are adjacent without any space between them at-all makes it all a bit fiddly. 

The manual function slide bar - what to say? 🤔 No comprendo just about covers it

I’ve always felt that no matter how much you study about your equipment, you only get a true understanding of its capabilities when the rubber hits the road. How does it rate in those pressure-cooker moments; well or under-par? Plot spoiler alert - this camera was both…

Firstly, and fundamentally, there were times when I thought the camera was switched on when, in fact it wasn’t! This may sound stupid but the top display continues to show the shooting mode the camera is set to even when switched off, exactly the same as when it’s gone to sleep while switched on - I found this confusing; when it’s off, it should appear to be off, no!?!

Furthermore, when it’s asleep and the user raises to camera to the eye, it takes a good three seconds from touching the shutter to actually activating/waking. There were times when I either thought there was a fault or I thought the camera was off (see above) resulting in me missing the picture.

Bringing back some positivity, I absolutely loved the exposure simulation in the evf, it saved me valuable time and offered me confidence in those pressured moments. I realised after the assignment that I’d shot the whole event in manual mode. I shoot manual often, but not 100% of the time. I put this down to this feature alone. Ironic though, that all this technology available facilitates shooting in manual.

As mentioned previously, I fully exploited using the thumb selection for the focus points, however… that function regularly went awry… I was wearing the R as a third body and because it was the lightest, I wore it necklace style. There were numerous occasions when I would lift the camera to me eye only to find the focus point way up in the top left of the frame…Aaaargh! More shots missed. I can only assume that my belly was selecting the af point while i shot with one of my other bodies. The af point can be re-centred by pressing the trash button but this is very awkward to hit quickly. I reprogrammed the star button to do the job. When using this method of focussing, a note appears briefly in the evf reminding you that the trash button has this function, even after assigning this function to a different button. I found this annoying to be told repeatedly and would have liked to switch these notifications off but I haven’t worked out how.

On a less techie note, I found the back caps for the lenses well engineered and snug fitting - a little too much actually. The EF lens back-caps can fit in two ways, but the RF only fits the one way and is very precise. Much of my Crufts was spent shooting in low light and so lining up the caps and changing lenses was an issue. If I buy an R I’ll certainly be pimping the caps with luminous stickers or paint spots to help me out. The red alignment marks on the lenses are also fairly minimalistic in comparison to the EF versions.

I had a gremlin in the body I was using. On several occasions the two control wheels locked up even thought he button lock wasn’t’t active. It was resolved by switching the camera off and back on only. This was annoying but I must say I do find the on/off switch satisfying and positive to operate.

AF AND LENSES

Generally, I found the AF pretty good but it did have major problems finding focus on dark and low contrast subjects. On several occasions with black dogs I literally gave up and had to use a 5D to get the picture - far from ideal! Bearing this in mind I wasn’t confident of using it for fast moving dogs, but I was proved wrong. The dogs competing in the Flyball competition were unbelievably fast (pic below), but largely, the R kept up, certainly better than the 5D.

I have a couple of tse lenses which I wanted to test with the R because optical viewfinders cause errors. Using them with the R was a revelation. When working in manual focus, the R offers the user an MF assist system. This took all the guess-work out of accurate manual focus...

The stiffness of the zoom ring on the 24-105mm continued to frustrate me throughout but on the up side it’s an excellent standard lens and sharp at both ends and across the frame.

Similarly, the RF 50mm is razor sharp, even wide open. What I was surprised about was the bokeh, or rather lack of it at f1.2. I preferred the optical qualities of my older 35 and 85 which brings me on to another reason for my interest in mirrorless - can I extend the life of my existing suite of lenses?? And the answer appears to be an emphatic Yes! Any Canon user who owns fast prime lenses (with max apertures above f2.8) will be aware of the front/back focussing problems going right back to the original EOS-1D 20 years ago. Well, I’m pleased to report that there are no such issues with the R; precise focussing, wide open on my existing EF lenses and no need to send them back to Elstree to get recalibrated to the bodies. Hurrah!!

Each day I was assigned to shoot some behind the scenes pictures with presenter Clare Balding in the Channel 4 studio on site. The R was perfect for this, the silent shutter working faultlessly and the processor dealing with the studio lights comfortably. On a separate occasion testing the shutter under fluorescent lights, I was left with horizontal stripes on the image, but I could see this clearly in the evf as I was shooting.

TOUCHSCREEN AND EVF

The screen is excellent. I did use it to select focus points with my thumb while shooting (I might have mentioned this already 😂) and occasionally felt it was slow to keep up and imprecise, but this could have been down to my lack of practice and poor implementation in those frantic moments. Time will tell on the this - the jury’s still out.

I persuaded security at the arena to allow me access into the catwalk. This is the roof space high above the arena out of bounds to the public. The articulating screen came in very handy when I was shooting top down. 

Holding the camera out over the side of the suspended walkway, I composed with the angled finder and fired via the Touch Shutter. This gave me a far better view than without either facility.

My only issues with the design is that the screen doesn’t open fully, so as to be in-line with the back of the camera, instead it is about two degrees off. This makes shooting as described above feel odd, as though you’re pointing the lens at the wrong spot or wrong angle.

I couldn’t help thinking that both the open screen and the door to the SD card slot were quite vulnerable to damage and could easily get broken. Longevity of the tools is always a concern, particularly for the non-studio based professionals. Over time, the kit needs to take a beating.

As I think i mentioned previously, I was reluctant about working with an evf. However, it is very good in the R and generally it’s not an obstacle to working. The only issue I had was the occasional lag when working quickly. When shooting, re-composing and/or zooming there is a noticeable ‘jumping’ of the rendered image which can be disconcerting and result in you being in the wrong place for the next shot because it makes the user think they’ve not zoomed enough or changed angle enough when, actually, you’ve overcompensated because you’ve been misled by the evf lag.

FLASH

I use Profoto A1 heads now, not Canon Speedlites and I only used them briefly on two occasions during the course of Crufts. They worked as well as they do on the 5D bodies. So no issues there.

WORKFLOW

The back of the camera lacks the now familiar joystick and thumb-wheels which I did miss. For instance - I will occasionally need to whizz back through the playback to show a client an image and this isn’t possible without the wheel on the R. Reviewing the images on the back of the camera with the direction keys was painfully slow, and flipping through via the touch-screen slower again. However, and this kind of illustrates the dichotomy of the R, I found reviewing images in the evf really useful, particularly as a wearer of spectacles rapidly approaching a bi-focal world!

In the fast version of my workflow, when I need to supply images to tight a deadline, I will tag images in camera in order to locate and edit them quickly. But, for some strange reason, the tags weren’t appearing in Photomechanic. I’ve yet to resolve this issue.

I edit mainly in Lightroom and I was surprised to discover the Adobe has not yet added lens correction profile support for the RF range of lenses. That said, images didn’t seem to need it. 

CONCLUSIONS

The EOS R is a very capable camera, but not the finished article yet. I think everyone including Canon accept that. It does sit alongside the DSLR bodies and I’d be happy to get this or the next iteration to complement my system set-up. It has capabilities beyond what a DSLR can do but also short comings.

Using the R is comparable to shooting via a highly refined, elevated live-view function on the back of a Canon DSLR. Because of this, it’s feels like ‘Digital Plus’ has arrived and traditionalists will probably not like its innovations I suspect.

Positives 

Attractively priced

Crisp images straight out of camera

It’s light-weight and nicely balanced in the hand

Vertically visible meter readings in the evf.

Very customisable

Familiar usability for existing EOS users

Exciting lens developments coming as a result of the new mount and loss of the mirror.

Accurate focusing with fast prime lenses without the need for calibrating. 

Negatives 

I didn’t take the time to try to understand the slide bar and as it doesn’t feature on the newer RP I wonder if Canon think it an innovation too far.

It can be frustratingly slow to react, particularly from sleep and some af functions.

Very customisable - almost too much choice and this causes occasional conflicts. Firmware updates will presumably resolve this.

A little compact in size for people with large hands

THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS - I HOPE IT’S BEEN USEFUL!

[unstable-reality]

Static in the Signal: Chapter One

After a couple months of IRL doom...I’ve finally gotten this going!

The Alliance has been infiltrated. On Hoth, able to trust only one another, Jyn and Cassian race to uncover the mole. Sequel to The Space Between Echoes.

[AO3] 

The corridors of Echo Base were busy and cramped, more so than those of Yavin 4. It wasn’t that there were more personnel, or that the passages were more narrow; on the contrary, the opposite was true. Echo was a work in progress. Half-built, half-ready. The Alliance had pushed itself. Divisions had blurred; sentients had undertaken tasks normally designated to droids. Cassian had spent more hours than he cared to scraping out tunnels, and still, there was more to be done. The base was functional, and as secure as could currently be hoped for, but it was nowhere near proper headquarter status.

He hated it. He hated the hand he’d had in creating it.

Snowflakes, riding on gusts in the hangar, clung to his beard and eyelashes. His lower back ached. It had been fine, mostly, when he’d been on his ship, but now it was a pulsing throb, heightened by the cold. There was a sensation, to the left of his spine, as if something were clicking, sliding. He felt it often. His entire hip was not quite right. He tried not to think about it. He’d try not to for as long he could manage.

He passed a contingent of droids, threading wires through a length of pipe, easing them through a hole in the wall. Sparks fanned outward, struck metal, burned hot and bright before vanishing. His nose stung. A humanoid model with a black chassis spared him a glance. It wasn’t the same face, or the same body, and it hadn’t been manufactured for the same purpose, but still, there was a closing in, a pressure on his lungs, a thickness in his throat. He shoved it back into the same place he put his pain.

A group of pilots walked toward him, on the opposite side of the corridor. They were animated, chatting, smiling. The one on the outside struck his shoulder. She looked back. Her cheeks and forehead were framed by stray curls.

“Sorry.”

He was pretty sure she didn’t know him, but he knew her. He knew everyone. Shara Bey. He gave her a nod. She blinked, nodded back. His fingers twitched toward his coat pockets. It was an old reflex.

CIC, when he reached it, was a cold, noisy mess. Divisions were on top of one another. The lighting was utilitarian. He walked past clusters of operators, past soldiers and commanders conferring; past screens, transparent save for the glowing outlines of maps. He was used to debriefing in confined spaces -- or, at least, in mostly private ones. Having to meet the General out here made the back of his neck itch. But there wasn’t much to be done for it, unless everyone in Intelligence started meeting in special quarters, and that would telecast more than they were willing.

Draven sat at a desk in a corner. He was leaning back, frowning at a datapad. The space around him was dark.

He looked up. His eyes shifted, taking Cassian in. He straightened. “Captain.”

Cassian saluted.

“At ease.” Draven folded his hands over his lap. “Report.”

Cassian’s stance widened. “I abandoned the objective. Imperials had already established a presence.”

Draven frowned. “It took you five standard days to come to that conclusion?”

“No, sir.” He felt a familiar prickle, where his neck joined to his skull. He breathed. His features held still. “I delayed to ensure I hadn’t been followed.”

“You had no opportunity to send a message?”

The prickling spread, over his shoulders and upper back. “It didn’t seem prudent, sir, no.” He was used to lying. He did it all the time. But he had only once before lied to the man sitting in front of him. It was necessary. It was right. Habit made it feel wrong, and experience made it feel dangerous, in a way that few of his gambits had.

Draven regarded him for a long moment, then sighed, planted his elbow on the arm of his chair, ran his forefinger along the skin between his upper lip and nose. “You’re certain there’s nothing that could be done? No way to dislodge them?”

“Not without drawing undue attention.”

There was a pause. The air was filled with the chatter of nearby operators, hushed and indistinct; with indicators beeping, their songs overlapping and bleeding into one another. Cassian was good at what he did -- brilliant, if he was to take the word of a certain woman in his life -- and he took precautions, and in twenty years, and even as a child, and even when his fear had all but run him and his heart had beat so loud that he’d been sure everyone could hear, he’d never been caught, apart from on Jedha.

He’d barely begun to play this game, and already he felt the whisper of a noose.

Draven rose. “Walk with me.”

They moved toward the rear of CIC. Draven led them down a small passage. Their shoulders brushed. “You know why you’re being given these assignments.”

He gritted his teeth. Of course he knew. He knew why he was no longer being sent to recruit, why other agents were landing undercover missions, why he was spending his time scouting and acquiring supplies. The things he was doing were important things, useful things, but they were also, to a certain extent, unsuited to him. He’d said it to Jyn, in so many words: punishment, fancied up in accolades. “Sir.”

“Your saving grace is that you’ve continued to get results. But make no mistake: we’re in no position to tolerate sloppiness or insubordination.” He stopped. His gaze swept back and forth, along the passage. It was clear, save for the two of them, but he stepped closer, nonetheless. “This isn’t the first instance lately where the Empire has been ahead of us. If there’s a reason for the pattern, then we need to find it.”

Cassian looked up. His hands were behind his back, resting at the spot where the soreness began, the thumb and forefinger of one hand wrapped around the wrist of the other. His heart fluttered. He waited.

“I want you to look into it. No one else is to know.”

Well, that was going to be a problem.

“Consider this the next step in regaining our full trust. If it goes well, we’ll look at returning Albarrio to you.” Draven tilted his head back. He was tall enough to look down at Cassian naturally; the gesture heightened the effect. “You’ve been one of our better agents, Andor. Don’t disappoint me.”

Cassian replied with a single, tight nod, lips drawn downward, brow relaxed. Draven’s eyes ran up and down his face. His lips thinned.

“Dismissed,” he muttered, and turned and headed off, back toward CIC.

Cassian stared after him. His mind ran laps. His heart wasn’t racing, not exactly, but it was beating faster, and a thread of nervous heat was working its way through his core. Alliance Intelligence wasn’t stupid; it wasn’t surprising that they’d noticed something, or that they’d started to suspect what he already knew. But he hadn’t expected to be made aware of that suspicion, at least not so soon. It might be a good thing. It might also be very, very bad.

At least a full minute passed before he moved, walking in the opposite direction of the General, following the passage to its end. It emptied into a lesser-used corridor. Darker than the others, colder, walls and floor left rough. It took him a moment to orient himself. He wondered if they knew something. He wondered if someone had seen, or heard. He could be more open, now, if he wanted, and that would give him access to more channels, but part of why he hadn’t sought them in the first place was because he couldn’t be sure about them. And then, of course, there was Jyn. It would make things harder for her, if they were monitoring him on this.

Shit.

His quarters were on the edge of the South Passage. Despite the marks against him, he was still a Captain, and that entitled him to a private room. It was small -- four meters long and two and a half wide -- and the heating was as unreliable as on the rest of the base, but he needed it, these days, and was grateful for it. He took off his coat. Sat on the edge of his bunk, ran his hands over his face, settled his thumbs under his chin, his forefingers on either side of his nose. He needed a shave. He needed to talk to his contact. He needed to know whether he could still trust him. The thought came, speeding along tracks laid a lifetime ago, that he might have to neutralize him.

Call it what it is, Andor: killing.

He forced it away.

There was a rap at the door. His hands fell, wrists landing on his knees, fingers dangling between them. He flooded with irritation. He didn’t want to be bothered. He wanted to sift through his thoughts, pick at this new assignment, this new potential problem, until sleep rolled over him and dragged him under. The rap came again. He squeezed his eyes shut, took a long breath, and rose.

He leaned against the door. His voice was pitched low. “Who’s there?”

“Sergeant Erso,” the visitor said, the rank sounding strange and forced.

He felt a jolt in his gut. The irritation fled. He straightened and palmed the panel beside the door, movements jerky with urgency. She was standing with her arms folded across her chest, shifting from one foot to the other. Radiating with that constant, hair-trigger energy, that livewire buzz that made her mere presence loud. Her cheeks were pink from the cold. Her hair was crusted and shiny with frost. She didn’t smile when they made eye contact, but her features softened.

“Captain.” There were other people moving about. “I heard you were back.”

Of course she had. He’d have known the exact moment she returned, were their positions reversed.

“There’s something I’d like to ask you. One of the scouts said you’d probably know.” She jutted her chin toward his quarters. “Do you mind?”

“No.” He wondered if they were really fooling anyone. He suspected that they weren’t. The calculating part of him thought it might be useful: sleeping together as a cover for conspiring. Then again, they already had a reputation for the latter. What am I going to do? “Please.” He stepped to the side, allowing her to pass. They didn’t touch. The door closed, and still, they didn’t touch. For a long moment, they didn’t even speak.

He hadn’t seen her in five standard days. He was aching from it, powerfully, all over, and yet he just stood there, looking at her. He felt awkward. He couldn’t imagine why; there was no reason for him to, after everything that had passed between them. But it was all so new, and he wasn’t sure what normal was, and he had a feeling that she didn’t know, either. They were making it up as they went.

Were they watching her? Had they spoken to her, too?

“So,” she said, at last. There was a ledge carved into the wall above the foot of his bunk. She placed her blaster and truncheon there, beside his own weapons. “How’d it go?”

He opened his mouth, closed it, breathed through his nose. Walked past her. He couldn’t be near the door when he started talking. Neither of them could. He leaned against the desk opposite his bunk, curling his fingers under the lip and crossing his legs at the ankles. “I’m not sure if ‘well’ is the right word.” He’d wanted to avoid being followed, it was true. It made sense to take the long way home. But it hadn’t been the only reason. He’d made a stop, along the way, off the record. “I was able to find out how Telara had been turned.” He paused. “They took his family. They told him they’d kill them, one by one, and record it.”

He let the implication sink in. Her jaw and shoulders tightened. Her eyes dropped.

“Wish I could say that was surprising.” She said it softly. “Did they not know who he was, until recently?”

“I don’t think that they did, no.”

“But all those years...”

He nodded. She was so close to him. He could tap her leg, if he moved his foot a hair. He could take her hand, if he pushed himself forward and reached out. His thoughts skittered back and forth. They had to talk about this, about all of it. There were things that needed doing. The mission didn’t stop being the mission just because he’d missed her. “I know. It might have been that his luck ran out; that’s the way it is with informants. He might also have been deliberately compromised.” It would fit. It would make sense. He was almost certain it was what had happened. “But I wasn’t able to determine that. There wasn’t the time.”

Her hands moved to to her lower back; her shoulders tugged at her snow-colored thermal coat. It was ill-fitting. He wanted her to take it off. “So that’s it.”

“For that, yes. For now.”

He could tell she was gritting her teeth. “It’s not a whole lot.”

“No,” he admitted. He’d have liked to have gotten more out of it, himself. He might have, if he’d thought he could get away with a longer delay. But the speculation, the direction of it -- that was a piece. There’d been times when he’d unraveled entire plots from less. “But it’s something more than we had before.”

Silence fell for a moment. There was a rumble beneath their feet, followed by a long, low groan. The shield doors were closing. She took a few steps toward him. “How, uh.” Her throat worked. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” She was trying to change the subject. “There’s something else.” Would she expect it? Did she already know? He wanted to grab her waist and pull her to him.

Her gaze roved over his face. “What?”

“Draven,” he said. “He knows something’s off. He’s asked me to look into it.”

“Are we in trouble, then?”

“More so than usual, you mean?” He found himself uncrossing his ankles, standing up, moving to meet her. His hip popped. He grimaced. “I don’t know yet.” I don’t know if I can keep you safe. And he wanted to. He’d been wanting to since before he’d even realized that that was what was driving him. There was hardly any space left between them. Her fingers brushed against his. The air was cold. He ran hot. “What about you? Anything?” He touched her hair, her face, her neck. His blood was rushing, pooling.

“Nothing new.” She took his hand. Her fingers wove between his and flared outwards. “Cassian, I’m serious.”

He sighed. “What do you want me to say?” He ran his thumb along her jawline. “I really don’t know.” Thoughts of duty were fading.

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. Her lips, however, were curving upwards. She placed her hand on his hip, passed it around to his back. Pressed her fingers into his flesh. “You should get this checked out, you know.”

She’d noticed. It wouldn’t have been her if she hadn’t. “No need,” he said.

“Hypocrite.”

He smiled at her. He couldn’t reach her knee, but he wrapped an arm around her waist, and drew her to where it touched his own. “That was different.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Her voice had gotten very quiet. Her words were captured by his breath. “You’re being stubborn.”

He sniffed. Their foreheads touched. He splayed his hands over the small of her back; she wrapped one of hers around the back of his neck. His chest was swelling. “How have you been? Really?”

“Bored.” It was half a chuckle. She tilted her head upwards. Her nose brushed his.

“That’s a shame,” he murmured against her lips. In truth, he was relieved. It meant nothing had happened, at least not to her. She leaned up and into him, whispered something he couldn’t make out, and then kissed him. Her lips were cold, at first; an artifact of Hoth, and all its unpleasantness. Friction warmed them. He held her fast. He kneaded her hip, her rear, and slipped one hand up, behind her head, under her bun, through her hair. She gripped his neck. Cupped his cheek. Hooked a thumb under his belt. Their movements were slow, languid. Their kiss was at once deep and raw and delicate.

He’d missed her. He couldn’t believe how much he’d missed her. He trembled from the force of it. He broke away and buried his face in her neck and shoulder. “Jyn.”

“What?”

She kissed his jaw, his neck. One of her hands moved over his abdomen and slid upward. He pressed his lips and tongue to her neck. Her body rolled against his. He planted his palm between her shoulder blades, and let himself roll back.

“You’re staying?”

Her fingers dug into his shirt. Her thumbs moved downward, then back up, bunching the fabric. It was coming out from his trousers. It would be cold, but it would be worth it, as it had been, for the past month.

“Of course,” she replied, tone heavy and rough.

He walked her backwards, toward his bunk. He fumbled for the buttons on her coat. Her hands covered his, helped him. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth and tugged, and he let her pull him, increased the pressure on the back of her head, sucked on her tongue, and pulled her right back. A gasp, sharp and sweet, rose out of her and landed in his mouth. Fire lapped at his spine.

Would they see? Would they try to take her from him? She already knew things that, as it turned out, she wasn’t supposed to know. He'd just been told that no one could be a part of it. She was already a part of it. He couldn’t not have her be a part of it. Strange, how his loyalty had shifted.

He’d never done this before.

She grabbed him, and moved in some way, and he was on his back. Her thighs were around his midsection. He squeezed them.

It was hard to think.

He wished he couldn't think at all.

[teachingoutsidethebinary]

Exceeding Expectations

Prompt request: So... Can I for an imagine Tony x Reader? the reader is Tony's daughter (adopted) but she isn't smart like him and she gets really sad and stressed because she knows that another person deserves all she has?

Characters: Tony Stark, Teenage Reader

Warnings: angst, self-doubt

Word count: 2300

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! This is my first time writing Tony Stark, and it was fun to try! Feedback is always appreciated. :) 

Masterlist

They say you can’t choose your family. For 16-year old Y/N Stark, that wasn’t the case. Not only did you choose you family, you hit the jackpot. Tony Stark wasn’t just any father. He was freaking Iron Man! He was a genius, billionaire, and philanthropist all rolled into one super suit (he was also a bit of a playboy, but he did a decent job of keeping that under wraps around you). Most importantly, he was an amazing father.

He had met you when he visited your group home to raise money for foster organizations. While Tony was one to love the limelight, he also had his low-key moments. He had walked up to you while you were reading and asked you about your book. You two talked for almost an hour, and a week later, you became his foster daughter. Your life did a complete 180. You went from sharing a room with three other girls to having a private bedroom with a bathroom attached. No matter how late Tony stayed out at his various charity and gala functions, he always made it a point to come into your room to kiss you goodnight, even if you was already asleep. You wanted for nothing, and for the first time in a long time, you felt loved.

When he asked if you would consider being part of the Stark family after the six month trial period, you couldn’t say yes fast enough. You thought it was everything you ever wanted.

But being Tony Stark’s daughter came with expectations. Even though you weren’t biologically his, everyone expected you to be smart like him, witty like him, basically like him. And it became crystal clear that once the adoption papers were signed, you were nothing like Tony.

You were painfully shy. After their first encounter at the group home, it had taken almost two weeks before you would have a complete conversation with him. You preferred to hide in a corner and read your books when he tried to take you to his charity events. And your math skills? Let’s just say you had to work extremely hard to pull Cs in her high school math classes.

“Aren’t you Tony Stark’s daughter?” her teachers would ask. “Shouldn’t you be good at math?”

You had wanted nothing more in her life than to be adopted. You wanted a family to call her own. But the pressure of being Tony Stark’s daughter was immense, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could handle it.

You walked through the front door with a sigh. Mr. Bane, your sadistic math teacher, had assigned almost twenty homework problems, and you knew you were going to be up all night trying to muddle your way through them.

“Good afternoon, Miss Y/N,” FRIDAY greeted.

“Hey FRIDAY,” you replied glumly.

The AI had taken a bit of getting used to when you first moved in, but now talking to FRIDAY was like talking to a friend. A disembodied friend that was programmed for every possible response, but a friend nonetheless.

“Your father is downstairs in his lab if you want to say hello,” the AI quipped.

“Thanks,” you replied, setting your backpack by the stairs.

As you walked downstairs to the lab, you could smell metal burning and almost taste the metallic tang on your tongue. You figured he was tinkering with one of his suits.

Sure enough, Tony was hunched over his workbench wearing one of his old Iron Man masks. Sparks flew from the soldering tool he held in his hands. Not wanting to scare him, you stood back and waited until he took a break in his work.

“Hi Tony,” you called out after he put the tool down.

Tony removed his mask and turned around, and his face broke out into a grin when he saw you.

“Hey kiddo!” he exclaimed. He walked over and wrapped you up in a hug. The scent of metal was stuck to his shirt, and you could almost swear you smelled...

“Is that...did you accidentally burn your hair?” you asked, wrinkling your nose when he pulled away.  

He grinned sheepishly and ran his fingers through his short, spiky locks. “Please,” he scoffed, “I never do anything on accident.”

You couldn’t help but smile. Most of Tony’s greatest inventions were accidents, and you both knew it.

“I’m actually on the verge of a breakthrough,” he said, hopping up and down excitedly. He led you over to the table and proceeded to explain the engineering of his newest suit idea.

You tried to follow along, you really did, but he may as well have been speaking another language. He talked about thrusters and some new velocity vector...or was it acceleration? You were completely out of your element here, but you were always too scared to bring it up. So, you nodded your head and smiled, but it felt fake. You wished you could connect with him more about the things he was passionate about.

“So, anyway, I should be done with this soon. Maybe. How’s an hour sound for dinner?” he asked.

“Fine,” you replied. “I have a bunch of math homework, so I should probably get started on it.”

“That’s my girl! Show that math homework who’s boss!” Tony placed the mask back on his head and got to work. “Love you, kiddo,” he said, his voice echoing in the metallic mask.

You smiled weakly. “Love you too.” You walked back upstairs, grabbing your backpack as you made your way up to your room.

You crumpled yet another paper up and tossed it into the trash can. Letting out a frustrated groan, you banged your head against your desk. You had only managed to get through half of the problems, and you were pretty sure even some of those were wrong.

Checking your watch, you realized almost two hours had gone by. Tony must have lost track of time and forgotten about dinner. He tended to get like that when he was working on a new project. This was a fairly common occurrence, and thankfully, Tony stashed some freezer meals in the fridge for exactly this purpose. Throwing one last disgusted look at your homework, you went downstairs in search of some food.

After heating up some lasagna, you decided to eat your food out on the balcony. Tony had the most amazing view since his house sat right on the water. The sun was just beginning to set, and the water shone brilliantly in different hues of orange and red. Sitting out on one of the balcony chairs, you sighed.

You didn’t deserve a view like this. You didn’t deserve a life like this. Tony deserved a daughter who was smart and good at math and more like him. Instead, he got you, and you couldn’t even finish twenty stupid math problems.

Your vision became blurry as tears swam in your eyes. Your lasagna tasted sour in your mouth, and you swallowed your current bite, pushing the rest away. Pulling your knees into your chest, you started crying.

Downstairs, Tony was staring at his computer, trying to get the numbers in front of him to make sense. He scratched his head and groaned in frustration.

“Boss?” FRIDAY interrupted.

“Yeah, FRIDAY, kind of busy,” he replied.

“I can see that, boss, but I thought you’d want to know Y/N seems distressed,” FRIDAY shot back.

“Distressed? I’m going to need a bit more than that,” he said.

“No need to be rude,” FRIDAY retorted. “She’s sitting on the balcony crying.”

“You didn’t think to mention the crying thing first?!” he exclaimed. He didn’t wait for the AI to respond and rushed upstairs.

He opened the balcony door and slowly approached your chair. You looked so small curled up, and his heart broke as your shoulders shook.

“Hey Y/N,” he said, soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

You shot up in surprise, and quickly wiped away your tears. “Nothing,” you replied, shaking your head.

Tony smiled sadly and pulled another chair in front of yours. “So you’re sitting out here crying because of how gorgeous the sunset is?”

You couldn’t help but smile through your tears. “Totally,” you tried to joke.

Tony gently placed his hand on your knee. “Try again, kiddo.”

You shook your head vigorously. “I can’t,” you whispered, fearfully.

“Yes you can,” he promised. “You are completely safe here.”

You took a deep, shuddering breath. You were so scared to confess your feelings, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep up this charade.

“I don’t deserve this,” you finally admitted.

Tony was genuinely confused. “Deserve what?” he asked.

“This life! Everything!” you exclaimed. “You deserve a daughter who’s smart like you and likes to talk to people. I can’t even do my stupid math homework.”

You were really sobbing now, and Tony just stared at you in shock.

“Wh..what?” was all he could manage to get out.

Now that you started, you kept rambling on.

“Everyone always says I should be good at math, but I’m not. I hate numbers. I try to understand what you tell me about with your inventions, but I have no clue what any of it means. I’m trying so hard and it never feels like enough. I can’t meet these expectations, and I’m terrified you’ll see that and realize adopting me was a mistake.” You breathed heavily as you finally let go of everything that had been pent up inside you.

Tony blinked once, twice, three times. He inhaled and tried to speak, but nothing came out. He rested his hand under his chin, then moved it so it was sitting on his knee. He mentally flashed back to all the parenting books he had read and tried to remember if there was a chapter called “When Your Adopted Daughter Freaks Out Crying on Your Balcony”. Nope. He got nothing. Looks like he was flying blind on this one.

“Okay, um, can we start with one problem at a time?” he finally asked. Without waiting for your response, he continued. “What’s wrong with your math homework?”

“I’m stupid when it comes to math. I spend hours on my homework and still get it wrong,” you sniffled.

“Let me stop you right there,” Tony said, putting up a hand. “You are not stupid. At all. You read more books than I ever have, and your writing is top-notch. Didn’t you just get a perfect score on your paper about Emily Austin-”

“Dickinson,” you interrupted.

“Same thing,” he replied. “A perfect score is amazing! We can work on the math thing. I’ll hire a tutor if that’ll help.”

“Really?” you asked.

“Of course!” he replied. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I was embarrassed,” you said, your face turning red. “You’re so good at that stuff, and I’m not.”

“Honey, do you know how many times I’ve failed in my life? How many times I’ve screwed up? Being bad at math isn’t the worst thing you could do.” He paused. “And I tell you about my inventions because I like sharing what I’m doing with you. Well, and partially to brag,” he admitted. “I mean, I do make some pretty neat stuff.”

That comment earned a giggle from you. It was well-known that Tony’s ego could fill the entire state of New York if left unchecked. Tony smiled and kissed your forehead.

“But most importantly, I like spending the time with you. I don’t really care what we talk about.”

“Okay,” you replied.

“Now let’s talk about the other thing,” he said, gently, tilting your chin so you were looking into his eyes.

“You are the last thing from a mistake. I knew the second I saw you that you were special, and I wanted you in my life. I still believe that with every fibre of my being. You are mine, and I am so proud of you and of everything that you do. If anything, I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you. You’re a pretty awesome kid, and I wonder how the hell I got so lucky every single day. You will always exceed every expectation for me.” He looked so sincere, and you knew he meant every word.

“Besides,” he added, “you’re stuck with me, kiddo. Sorry. We signed the papers and everything.” He shrugged his shoulders and grinned cheekily. You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your body, and you shoved him on the shoulder.

“Do you always turn everything into a joke?” you asked, shaking your head.

“Yup. Just one of my many adorable character flaws.” He laughed along with you and then pulled you out of your chair. He wrapped you into a hug, and you allowed yourself to relax into his embrace.

“I love you so much, Y/N,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “Don’t ever forget that.” He pulled back a bit and looked at you. “And please, kid, for the love of God, tell me when this stuff is bothering you.”

“I will,” you promised. You took a deep breath and replied, “I love you too, Dad.”

Tony Stark had been called many names in his lifetime (some good, but most bad), but hearing you call him “Dad” for the first time was by far the best. He would remember every detail of this moment for years to come. The sunset over the water, the look in your eyes, all of it. He tried to play it cool and failed, choking back the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes.

He knew right then and there that he was, by far, the luckiest man alive.

TAGS: @buckyappreciationsociety

[sketchyprincessartblog]

1-25 Tell me everything.

Okay, im gonna do the main 4 ocs I have rn because those are the ones I have the most fleshed out for! Also gonna put it under a readmore because ho my god that's gonna be a LOT of text lmao

Kai

1. (their voice) Kai's voice is high-pitched and raspy due to her constant yelling and screaming. There is also a level of charisma too it, but its hard to explain. Its like her voice is so weird that you can't help but listen.

2.(their smile) Her smile is big, wide, and mischievous! Pair that with her many rows of shark like teeth and it can be very off-putting; she tries not to smile but her personality makes it almost impossible. However, one you get to know her, you can tell the difference between a fake smile and a genuine one.

3.(their greatest achievement) Kai considers her greatest achievement to be her magical prowess; her skill with her water magic is advanced for her age. She definitely likes to show off, haha.

4.(their insecurities) While she may act tough and arrogant, its just a façade to mask her low self worth and depression. As the queen/future queen she is terrified of failure; how can she lead others when she can't even help herself? Like I mentioned before, shes also insecure of her looks, because they give away that shes possessed.

5. (their shortcomings) Her ability to control her impulses is practically non existant lmao, she'll just straight up jump off the roof of the castle if she feels like it (which is a lot). Also her ego gets her into quite a bit of trouble as well. And her anger is a problem too; if she cant control it it becomes like a hulk situation. This is part of the reason she drinks, it numbs her senses.

6.(how they deal with grief) haha, that's a good one. Kai doesn't deal with grief she just drinks or does more dangerous shit to take her mind off of it. Or she'll just scream and wreck stuff; either way it ends up being more harmful than helpful.

7.(how they like to dress) Kai would prefer to dress in clothes that are easy to move in like pants or shorts; things that fit tight and have little resistance. But because shes royalty, sterling makes sure she at least dresses the part (much to her annoyance; she doesn't seen the point in all the ornamentation and frills. She does find them pretty, just not on her.

8.(what they like to eat) Anything that she can rip apart like meat and stuff. She loves using those teeth lol

9.(their theme) I think this means what their character is based around, but if im wrong please correct me. Kai's theme is embracing femininity, learning to grieve, and learning to be an independent person.

10.(their fashion sense) Like mentioned earlier sterling picks out most of her clothes for her, so her fashion sense stems from his (and she hates it lmao)

11.(their family life) Her mother died when she was 10, and she has no other siblings. Her father is too busy running the kingdom to pay attention to his daughter. Sterling and her have the best relationship (they were inseparable those first 10 years) but after the queens death and kais subsequent possession, things have become very strained.

12.(their romantic life) HAHAHA. Yeah no shes demi ace and terrified of emotional intimacy and commitment. If she did flirt, she'd be pretty good at it, but she's kinda oblivious about that kinda thing. People often mistake her charm and charisma as romantic interest, but she's just very friendly.

13.(their embarrassing memory from years ago) The most embarrassing thing to happen to her so far, is that sterling is the one who saw her covered in blood and possessed. Its a fuzzy memory at best, but she remembers enough for it to be painful.

14.(how they react to burning their tongue on food) Lots of choking and cursing, occasionally followed by yelling at whoever made the food. And if shes feeling particularly stupid that day, she'll just down the rest of it, hoping it burns her mouth even more.

15.(how they react to a brainfreeze) She's never had anything that cold before, but if she did there would also be lots of cursing, followed by her immediately drinking/eating as fast as she can to make it happen again lol

16.(their dreams) She dreams of being able to go to the ocean; her mother promised she'd take her when she got older (they live very far away from any large body of water much less an ocean) She also dreams of being free from the restrictions of being royalty and just being able to do whatever she wants.

17.(their ambitions) Her main ambition is to find a way to put her heart back into her chest (it was literally cut out of her and put into a box) and get rid of the ghost possessing her.

18.(how they sleep) She sleeps most of the day and stays up during the night. Its not restful sleep by any means, but its all she can get. She has constant nightmares and also its hard to sleep when theres an other worldly entity watching you 8)

19.(their reaction to betrayal) She avoids relationships for this very reason (but it still happens), she just shuts down completely; no talking, no crying, nothing but heavy silence.

20.(their reaction to a mystery love letter) She'd act all "of course! one of my many admirers'!" then when she's alone, she furiously tries to figure out who and why lol.

21.(how they react to pain) Because of complications from the possession she is hyper sensitive to pain (the ghost possessing her did this to try and prevent her from doing anything dangerous to increase her magic power, but jokes on her it backfired) So while it may seem likes she's being overdramatic, that would be the one time she's actually not over exaggerating.

22.(what they're like on two hours of sleep) Wired as shit. Anything can set her off, and she talk super fast too, like she's had 12 cups of coffee or something.

23.(how they act when they're sick) She can't actually get sick, again the ghost prevents it. She needs a healthy, preferably young host to completely thrive, so she makes sure that the host gets sick as little as possible and that they stay young as long as possible. It's why kai is so small, her growth is stunted.

24.(what motivates them) Her want to take back control over her life and fix the damage she has caused to others through her reckless and selfish behavior (on a smaller scale) her flaw of being a people pleaser.

25.(why do you enjoy them) I enjoy her because she reminds me a lot of myself, both currently and how I used to be. Shes the first oc I ever created and gave backstory and a personality to; shes my shark baby ;v;

Sterling

1. His voice is smooth and rich like chocolate (he is my hot character okay let me have this). He has a medium pitch voice that is gentle and kind, while still remaining authoritative and firm. He loves to sing and has an amazing voice (honestly wish I had an example but I haven't found one yet)

2. He has a smile that radiates pure gentleness and sunshine and he smiles often! He doesn't believe that all knights have to be boring and stuffy, and he likes to use his kindness to challenge that.

3. This is gonna be so sappy but his greatest achievement in his own words is "watching kai become her own person".

4. He worries constantly that he has failed at his job as a knight to the royal family. He blames himself for the queens death and kais downward spiral. He also has scars that he is self conscious of ( kais the only one whos seen them, and even that was an accident)

5. Sterling can be a bit too controlling when it comes to kai, it comes from a place of love, but its also his way of dealing with this resentment towards kai. He is also an enabler and allows reckless and unhealthy behavior to continue because its easier to not confront it. And his fear of blood is debilitating as well.

6. He'll usually allow himself to cry, but only in private. He usually bottles up his emotions so he doesn't burden others or takes his aggression out by sparring.

7. Sterling has a uniform to wear like the other knights, but even when not on duty his clothes very much give away that hes a knight. He dresses solely for function; if he can work and get around in them hes perfectly fine.

8. Sterling loves bread, like im pretty sure he'd marry it if he could. However because of his knight status and pride in his own appearance, he has to resist and make himself eat a healthy diet lol.

9. Sterling's theme is family, or rather, even if you aren't blood related you can still be family. And that sometimes things are out of your control and that's okay.

10. He has pretty good fashion sense, he can figure what looks good on someone just by looking at them. He always looks impeccably dressed himself but prefers a minimalist style.

11. Sterling has a huge family! He has several siblings (some he's related to, some not) but I haven't decided how many yet. And he has two loving parents that are very supportive of his career choice (his mother still worries though).

12. Sterling has no time for romance, plus hes not interested (that doesn't stop people from flirting however); hes aroace :)

13. Probably when he was first actually assigned to take care of kai as a baby. He hade no idea what do and had to ask several of the other knights and servants to help him (some of them won't let him live it down either)

14. Just look at the "this is fine" meme and you'll have your answer

15. Same as above lol

16. He dreams of traveling and helping people all over the world, and also seeing kai grow and develop into her own person.

17. He wants to be the best knight ever (but he'd never actually say that shhhh) at least that's all I have for him haha

18. His sleep schedules kinda screwed because if theres a problem with kai, he has to handle it, no one else will. Plus he's naturally a early riser, so the amount of sleep he can get varies. He's a light sleeper as well.

19. (why would you betray him how could you) But betraying him will land you on his shit list and he will be as petty as possible; passive aggressive might as well be his middle name.

20. He's just kinda like "aw that's sweet" and never think about it again. He might share them with kai if theyre interesting enough. Honestly you'd be better of just telling him to his face how you feel, so he won't ignore you that way.

21. He has a pretty high pain tolerance; being a knight you have to be able to take damage and get right back up again, and he's gotten pretty good at that.

22. Same as usual honestly, maybe a little more drowsy but that's it.

23. He'll probably hide that he's sick lmao, he doesn't like being taken care of. He could be hacking up a lung and still refuse medicine like "don't worry about me im fine haha :D"

24. He wants to make a difference in the world, create a legacy to leave behind.

25. I enjoy him because I've always loved straight laced by the books characters, they're such dorks and I love it haha. Plus hes my pretty boy UwU

Elysia

1. Her voice is low and quiet; it commands the listeners attention. She developed this trait because she usually talks to animals who are more perceptive of tonal inflections than people are. She can sing as well, but it's more of a warble than actually singing, but it still sounds beautiful.

2. Elsyia rarely ever smiles, unless she's talking to animals (even then it can vary depending on which animals show teeth as a sign of aggression) but when she does its a nice small slight smile.

3. Her greatest achievement is the fact that she's still alive; everyday it takes all her strength to get up and keep moving.

4. Like with Kai a lot of her insecurities stem from the way she looks; people aren't exactly willing to be nice to demons. She also worries she's going to seriously hurt someone with her lightning magic.

5. Her paranoia and anxiety are her main problems (while they are not necessarily something she can always control, they do affect her perception and decisions).

6. She'll most likely isolate herself or just flat out leave for several days. She comes back but you can see something is still wrong when you look at her eyes (jesus Christ none of my characters know how to grieve)

7. Anything that's flowy and lets her breath is her favorite. Due to her blood being super heated plasma her body temp is waaaay higher than normal, so her lack of clothing is an effort to not over heat.

8. Elysia is a vegetarian! She doesn't want to hurt animals :( Also the effort to find plants to eat is less when you're constantly roaming than finding and capturing an animal to eat.

9. Elyisa's theme is self-acceptance and learning to put trust in others.

10. I imagine her as being pretty fashion forward but due to her body temp and money issues she just kinda wears whatever.

11. She's an only child, her father left her an her mother when she was young so she became the sole provider for the two of them. Unfortunately her and her mother are now separated.

12. Nope no nah no way. Like sterling she has no time and its not something she ever considered (until she meets kai of course >u>) But she's ace as well!

13. When she tried to catch a cow and ended up almost destroying the entire marketplace she lived at.

14. She can't feel it probably, so she'll just keep eating like normal.

15. She gets these a lot because of her need to consume cold things to stay comfortable, so she'll just wait till it goes away then resume eating at a slower pace.

16. Her dreams are to be financially stable (like that's it, she is a broke college student someone help her).

17. Basically the same as above (at least as of now)

18. She has insomnia so she sleeps two hours at a time if that, usually in trees or caves around a campfire. Very light sleeper with frequent night terrors.

19. She expects it at this point, it would still hurt, but she'd act like it was no big deal.

20. She'd wonder who was playing such a mean trick on her :(

21. She's kinda numb at least on her right side??? Cuz that's where she was struck by lightning so she has nerve damage on that side. So she has a normal pain tolerance with the exception of her right side.

22. Normal; irritable, grouchy, and curt.

23. She's a big baby when she's sick lol, but she doesn't want people to take care so she'll just suffer alone

24. Money at this point, she's trying to fill a void, but she's not having any luck, I think it's part of the reason why her motivations and ambitions seem so vague or unfulfilling; she doesn't know what she wants.

25. I love her design the most out of all of them, plus I love writing grumpy characters who have a secret heart of gold

Andie/Andrea

1. Andie's voice is calm and monotone almost as if they have to force a certain tone to their voice. Andie sounds like how a doctor does; brief curt sentences and frank attitude. Yet they sound like silk drifting in the breeze, it confuses anyone who tries to talk to them. When they become more "vocal" a raspyness makes itself known and suddenly all feelings of safety and security are gone and their voice becomes dark and cold.

2. Like with Andie's voice, their smile also seems artificial at further inspection; its almost too perfect, too inviting. It's a trap that most don't realize they are walking into.

3. Andie's greatest achievement is their biomechanical body parts; they pride themselves on being the peak of human and medical technology.

4. Andie worries that there's always someone better, someone smarter, faster, stronger; and that they exist is unacceptable. Andie fears death like most others do not, having escaped it once makes them never want to go through it again. However; their confidence in themselves to make sure that never happens is hanging on by a thread (much like every other aspect of them)

5. They are emotionally and physically abusive on top of being a manipulator with homicidal tendencies and a fragile psyche. Like I said, they're hanging on by a thread.

6. Andie does not deal with grief, at least not anymore. Now it's someone else's problem.

7. They dress to cover any "inhuman" aspects of themselves such as the metal limbs and spine andie has made for themselves.

8. Andie doesn't really eat, they considered it a waste of time. But they do remember the taste of the stew their mother always made...

9. Andie's theme is more of a warning than anything; do not let your experiences and fears consume you or you will be lost to them forever.

10. Andie doesn't care, if it's not related to their work it's not important enough.

11. Andie had a mother and father, but they burned to death in a fire. Now the only "family" (and I use this term loosely) andie has is her two assistants.

12. Andie has no concept of romance, but will use it if it is advantageous to them. Again another frivolous human concept as far as they're concerned.

13. They've erased most of their childhood memories from years of experimenting with their own brain; the more it made andie feel, the quicker it was removed.

14. They can't taste really since their tongue is artificial like most of the rest of them. Andie would get more upset at the fact that the food might be hot enough to damage the material they are made out of.

15. They'd be confused and angry at how useless such a reaction is; they'd probably try to rewire it later.

16. To never die and be an immortal. It's what they have devoted their life too.

17. Same as above, although andie does want to bring back their dead parents.

18. Lmao andie is half cyborg they do not sleep, but like with everything else other people do, they fake it to appear human.

19. Hoo boy that is something you do not under any circumstances want to do. Andie takes is as a very personal offense and will have no qualms about severely hurting someone for it.

20. "what is this? a love letter for me? Aww, how disgusting~"

21. Inhumanly high pain tolerance after years of body modifications; you could take out their eye and they'd be more upset about how much it took to make the eye than actually losing a fucking eye.

22. Normal; still off their rocker.

23. Don't get sick, but occasionally parts will malfunction or fail in which there is a lot of groaning and "fucking serious? again?"

24. Their fear of death and the unknown and bringing back their parents.

25. I don't enjoy andie per say, but they're therapeutic to write in a way? I dunno it's just nice having all these horrible traits in one character and it just gives me a way to vent about the shit ive had to go through. They are not meant to be enjoyed, andie was created to be a projection of the way ive been treated. I also want to say I don't condone any of andie's behavior nor do I intend to romanticize it. (And also I use they for andie not because they are agender or to demonize agender people, but as a reflection of andie's view of themselves. They see themselves as greater than male or female, so their pronouns reflect that. However, if anyone has a batter alternative please let me know :) )

Oh my god this literally took hours but it was so worth it! Thank you again for these asks it was very sweet of you (thank you for letting me be the attention gremlin that I am lol)

[scriptautistic]

Planet Dancetime: Social Skills and Functioning Labels

If you’re allistic, it might be difficult to imagine what life is like for an autistic person. That can make it difficult to write from an autistic perspective. In order to help facilitate understanding, I, Mod Aira, have come up with an extended metaphor that I hope will be helpful. This is the first in a planned series, and it will cover some of the basics of social interaction as well as the harm that functioning labels do.

Please note that this series is written from my perspective and according to my personal opinions and experience. It will not necessarily reflect the reality of all autistic people, but it is one authentic perspective.

Imagine that tomorrow, you wake up on another world. It's called Planet Dancetime. The people there look just like humans, except their social rules are insane. They do a complicated dance while they talk to each other, and all communication is carried out in this dance-talk. At first, you can't make any sense of it, but slowly you start to puzzle some of it out. When you speak to a woman, you have to stand on your right foot the whole time. When you speak to a man, you have to stand on your left. If someone is non-binary, you have to stand on your toes. You also have to touch the shoulder of the person you're talking to every ten seconds exactly. If you don't follow this rule of *precisely* every ten seconds, you're being very rude. When you're telling a happy story, you have to wiggle your shoulders, starting with the right side and working your way left. Sad stories are the opposite. For *angry* stories, the wiggle is in the eyebrows. You also have to indicate your emotional state and age at the time the story happened by a complicated motion in your fingers set to a specific beat, and your *current* emotional state by the particular angle at which you hold your elbows and wrists.

There are still countless other rules here, more than you can figure out. The Dancetime people are constantly making strange gestures and movements. The crazy thing is, it seems to be effortless for them. How can they possibly keep track of all these rules? You decide to ask someone.

The response is not positive. You get the most disdainful look you've ever seen, and the explanation, "It's obvious. Just use common sense."

Well that isn't helpful. How could they possibly conceive of this system as being obvious? And if it's so simple, then why can't they explain it?

At long last, you come to an epiphany. Of course this system isn't simple. In fact, it's so complicated that the only way for them to manage it is for their brains to handle it subconsciously. A massive amount of their brainpower is devoted to decoding, remembering, and carrying out all these convoluted rules. And their bodies are naturally conditioned for it, too. They can stand on one leg for hours without any effort – it's just the way they evolved. But you can't. Your brain is busy doing other important things that these people hilariously can't do (more on this another time), and it's not about to take over all those extra responsibilities now. You have no easy options, and you're stuck here now, so you have to make a choice.

Option one is to say – hell with it. Maybe you just don't have it in you to do this – you just can't get your head around it, and it's impossible for you. Maybe you have a physical issue that prevents you from dance-talking, or you just don’t have the type of memory required to learn dance moves, or the multitasking ability necessary to count and talk at the same time. Or maybe you just decide: I'm not going to bother with their stupid rules. I'm going to stand on two feet when I talk, and I'm not going to count to ten silently in my head while I'm talking so I can time the shoulder-touches properly – I mean, who could even do that? I'm just going to be me, and they're just going to have to deal with it.

This does not go well for you. When you fail to follow their dance-talk rules, these people freak out. Some of them are angry – how dare you insult me with your non-dance body language? Even worse, it turns out that some movements that you make entirely naturally which have nothing to do with conversation, or some aspects of your normal, natural body language, are actually grave insults in dance-talk. You can’t figure out which things you’re doing which are so wrong, and no one will explain it to you. Many people think you’re extremely rude. But some of them are scared or worried and are determined to figure out what’s wrong with you. You are quickly surrounded by "experts" who want to help you. After all, you couldn't possibly survive without the ability to dance-talk. You obviously suffer from some kind of hideous disorder. You try endlessly to explain that you can talk just fine without the dancing, that there's nothing wrong with you, but they won't have it. If you talk without the dance moves, they ignore everything you say like it's some kind of incomprehensible babble. If you can't dance-talk, then you obviously have a disability, and you need to be cared for. You're obviously not intelligent enough to communicate, so you're automatically not intelligent enough to care for yourself. You wind up in an institution with the others who have been diagnosed with "low-functioning human disorder", also known as “severe humanism”. The nurses look at you with pity in their eyes and don't bother talking directly to you. You hear them talking (as though you’re not there) about the tragedy of your extreme human-ness, how terrible it must be to live that way, and what a burden you are to those around you. You try to scream: it wouldn't be terrible if you'd just leave me alone! But your screams, lacking their accompanying dance moves, fall on deaf ears.

So let's consider the other alternative. You can try to puzzle out the dance-language and see if you can fit in well enough to get by. Not everyone has this option – I mean, the dance-language is obscenely complicated, after all. But maybe you're one of the lucky ones. Maybe you have a good memory for movements and are good at figuring out or guessing when to use each one. So you give it a shot. And after a lot of trial and error, you start to find some success. Your dance moves are still a bit off, and you get funny looks pretty frequently. Eventually, you get "diagnosed" with "high functioning human disorder" and told you should be fine as long as you put in enough effort. You ask that maybe someone teach you some of the dance moves, and you are rudely dismissed as being lazy or pretending to be disabled so that you can get more attention.

This is the same reaction you get every time you make a mistake. And of course, you will always make mistakes. There will always be days when your legs are simply too tired, and you have no choice but to stand on two feet for a while. Sometimes, when you're trying to talk about something, you just can't spare the brain power to count to ten over and over again, and you miss a few shoulder-touches. Sometimes you’ll get the wrist and elbow angle just slightly wrong and give entirely the wrong tone to a conversation. And sometimes you encounter a social situation you've never learned the moves for, and there's no possible way for you to do it right.

Every single mistake is met with indignation. How dare you insult us that way? You apologize and try to explain that even though you're pretty good at it, this dance-talk still doesn't come easy for you. It doesn't help. Your explanations are written off as lazy excuses. Everyone knows you are perfectly capable of using dance-talk. You do it all the time. The fact that you're not doing it now obviously means that you are doing it on purpose. You are intentionally insulting those around you, and they don't appreciate it.

The looks, the stares, the muttered insults, they eat away at you. You are doing your best, damn it. You are doing infinitely better than should ever have been expected of you. You put so much energy into the most basic conversations, you don't even have enough left over to care for yourself. You haven't been eating well, with no energy to cook. You suffer from constant anxiety – fear of the next mistake – when (not if) will it happen? How will they react? But no one appreciates that. No one helps. No one explains the mistakes you've made – and usually, you have no idea what you've done wrong. You're expected to just figure it out on your own, and are punished for each misstep, because damn it, you might be technically human, but they're not about to let you use your humanness as an excuse for rude or lazy behavior.

You feel the constant underlying threat all the time: if you can't dance-talk like the rest of us, if you stop trying or make too many mistakes, then we'll change our minds about you. We'll change your diagnosis to low-functioning human disorder, and stick you in the institution with the others. We'll never speak to you again. We'll never look at you as a person again. You'll just be a lump of flesh that we have to feed and bathe. So you'd better try harder.

The best case scenario you can hope for is that people will find out you're human and say, "Oh, wow! You barely look human at all! You should be so proud of yourself." Human is an insult. Not human is a compliment. That's the world you find yourself in now. And sometimes you start to wonder – are they right? Is being human really a disability? Is there something wrong with me? Now you can add a fight against depression to the list of things you have to deal with. There are days when you wonder if the effort will ever be worth it. You feel hopeless and lost.

All because dance-talk doesn't come naturally to you.

Now, disclaimer, here: this is a simplified analogy of how functioning labels can feel, and the ridiculous basis on which they are assigned. The reality is a little more complicated and there are more factors, some of which we'll explore later. And as always, we repeat: everyone’s experience is different, and not all experiences are reflected here. This story is designed to help those who are not autistic start to understand what life is like for those who are. This really is how it feels for a lot of people, myself included. These are the choices I feel I have. I can relax and give up and just be "me" without apology, and then I am liable to lose everything – my job, my friends, my life. Or I can try to fit in and act like the others, at an enormous energy cost, and often not have the strength left over to take care of myself. They call me "high functioning", but they're ready to take that shiny little badge away at any moment – and they would have taken it away long ago if they saw how I am at home at the end of a stressful day.

A far, far better situation would be to do away with the functioning levels entirely. Judge each person based on their individual attributes, and try to understand that under other circumstances, they might be very different. Sometimes I can talk, and sometimes I can't. Acting "normal" takes a lot of energy, and sometimes I don't have enough left to do it. But I'm still able to live independently, and still have many strengths and abilities – many that "allistic" people typically do not have.

So please, when you’re thinking about writing an autistic character (and good for you! hooraaaayyyy!!!!), don’t think of them in terms of high- or low-functioning, in terms of “severe” or “mild” autism. Instead, think of a list of traits, what they’re good and bad at, what comes easy and what doesn’t. Your character is as individual as you are.

Happy writing!

-Mod Aira

[douglassmiith]

24 Words and Phrases That Make You Sound Boring and Turn People Off

Try to avoid these overused and uninspiring words and expressions.

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June 16, 2020 11 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Every business sector has jargon. It’s largely known that you shouldn’t use those terms much outside of that field or people won’t know what you are talking about. Beyond jargon, there are other things that people should not say if they want to reach their potential. The things we say can have a profound impact not only on those we say them to but also to ourselves. 

The meeting that made my blood boil

Do you remember the moment you knew you were destined to be a successful entrepreneur? For me, it was when I was in what I call the cliché meeting.

I walked into a meeting, grabbed my cup of coffee, and looked around at my teammates. The boss wandered in and said, “All right everybody, we have to start thinking outside the box.”

I thought, “The 80s called, and they want their mantra back.” 

Yes, I knew that I could communicate with more meaning than he, so my mind drifted away as I counted his catchphrases and clichés. At the end of the meeting, he said, “Thank you in advance and good luck!” 

Related: Want to Improve Your Communication Skills? Stop Saying These 25 Words. 

I felt my stomach roil. I was successful at holding it in. But I did blurt out, “Luck has nothing to do with it.” 

I couldn’t hide my feeling of insult on that one. My team members thanked me all day for coming to the defense of their skills. I never let on that my remarks were due to my lack of control. Empty phrases make me angry; I expect better from leaders.

Words make a difference

Smart people avoid saying the wrong thing to their teams. Highly successful people know they just have to open their minds and consider the purpose behind their words. A little thought before we speak will make our words have more meaning. Plus, it will make us sound smarter.

Related: Your Words Have Impact, So Think Before You Speak

Avoid entering a conversation unless you understand what others intend to take away from the interaction. I look for what I call the “unifying vision” of everyone in the room. Once you understand the purpose that binds everyone in the conversation together, you will be able to focus on the content of the conversation. Armed with understanding, you will be less likely to say something detrimental because you will be in a focused place. You will be present.

Words and phrases to avoid

The following phrases are ones that detract from our ability to make a point, our desire to continue a productive dialogue or that may simply offend or insult the listener. 

“I’m just saying.” This phrase is the ultimate cop-out. No matter how long you have spoken, no matter what you have said, you just reduced everything that you have offered as in “just words.”

“I’m entitled to my opinion.” Yes, you are. There’s no doubt about it. You are entitled to have your own opinion, but conversations or discussions about fact or occurrence. When you voice your opinion, you surrender the ability to make your point, because you have placed everyone on a defensive saying that you are not budging, and the conversation will not move.

“I had no choice.” We always have a choice. Even when someone says I had no choice; they made a choice. If you are involved in a meeting or discussion about that choice, you should be prepared to defend the choice rather than ask people to accept the summary conclusion as final.

“That’s just my two cents.” Without even knowing you, I assure you that your thoughts are worth more than two cents. Never minimize that which you have to say by putting the cliché low price on your words.

“I could care less.” This is one of those phrases that will shut down a conversation. You do not like it when someone doesn’t care about your thoughts, so don’t throw down this gauntlet. Besides, the use of the double negative really means that you do care, but that is not what is heard because that is not what you meant.

“I, personally.” Always been a pet peeve of mine because you are speaking it as you are personally speaking. We use this phrase to try to mask our feelings by saying this is what’s in me. It is your personal feeling so simply say “I” and live with what you say.

“Like…” I don’t imagine that this will ever leave our lexicon. It is used by people who are formulating thoughts and looking for something to say. While I guess it’s better than “um,” it sends a message that you don’t know what to say next. Think about what you are going to say before your words are spoken. There is no harm in silent thought.

“I Hope…” Along with “I’ll try,” is one of those phrases that set a bad tone. Subconsciously you’re telling people that you are surrendering control. It is a much stronger position to say, “I will.” Do not give yourself a subconscious “out” or cast doubt on your ability to do what you say you were going to do.

“It’s not my fault.” The moment this comes out you are looking for someone else at whom all can point the finger of blame. Take ownership of the situation and explain the circumstances with sufficient detail that everyone else can make a determination that you are not to blame. And, if you are to blame, own that too, and present a solution. 

“My bad.” Okay, I just said take ownership. While this phrase does implicate that it is your fault. But it is a slang term that comes across as crass and a little street worthy. It does not come across as ownership because the frequency of the phrase in society makes the acceptance of blame seem sarcastic and trivial.

“I can’t.” If you say this with the meaning that you are not capable of doing something, it may be time for you to learn. But the reality is that when most people say, “I can’t,” what you are really saying is “I won’t.” Or, at least, that is what everyone else will hear. It just sends a very bad message, so get rid of it and don’t say, “I can’t get rid of it.”

“It’s not fair.” Whether you like it or not, the moment this phrase leaves your mouth, everyone in the room will picture a three-year-old stomping on the floor and screaming. No one ever said that life was fair. It is much better to focus on the circumstances that you deem to be unfair and explain that there is a greater workload on you, that you are being forced to do something that is beyond your means, or whatever it is it is making you feel the unfairness.

“That’s how we do it around here.” Yep. That will put an end to innovation and improvement. It tells everyone around you that you are not open to suggestions and new ideas. No one will aspire to be you.

“Please advise.” This phrase is a two-way street. It is bad when it’s used by a manager and it’s bad when it’s used by a member of her team. If you are assigning someone to do something, then be specific about what you want. If you are receiving instructions from your manager and you reply with “Please Advise,” pushing the responsibility back up the hill. These two words could be the most passive-aggressive words in any work environment.

“With all due respect.” This is the ugly cousin of “No offense, but…” You might as just say, “I don’t respect you and I don’t like you, but I’m going to tell you what I’m about to say.” You don’t buffer disrespect by saying your buffering disrespect.

“That makes no sense.” This will shut down the conversation because it either says that you don’t understand, or the other person is not making sense therefore, the negative connotation is that someone is… dare I say, stupid. Identify what doesn’t make sense and incorporate that into a question so the discussion may continue.

“Let’s not reinvent the wheel.”  Face reality, the wheel has been re-invented thousands of times since it was first carved by a caveman. Every advancement in our society is the result of a reinvention of something somewhere. Sometimes those reinventions are bad, sometimes the reinvention is phenomenal. This phrase pre-judges every idea as bad. That presupposition will destroy innovation in its infancy.

“It is what it is.” I got to be honest. I don’t even know what this means. It is a trite trivial cliché that has survived far too long in society. It pretty much means… no, who am I kidding it doesn’t mean anything. It just turns people off.

“Let’s take this offline.” Yes, this is a cool line because it came into being during the Internet era. It sounds like you’re really hip.  But it also sends as a message to everyone else in the room that something is going to happen that they are not going to be a part of it. If you want to talk to someone about something that doesn’t involve everyone else, make that clear.

“I hear you.” I was once asked, “What is the opposite of speaking?” I said, “listening.” My inquisitor admonished that the opposite of speaking was waiting to speak. Listening was a completely separate function. You could hear people without listening to them. It means you are ready to speak. You heard their “noise” and now it’s your turn. That is an unconscious conversation stopper.

“Disrupt.” When one invokes the phrase “disrupt,” it sounds cool, hip and rebellious all at the same time. While it is popular in modern culture, it sounds like change for the benefit of change without consideration of the outcome. To disrupt something is to interrupt by disturbance or drastically alter or destroy the structure of something. Pursuing a new vision is positive. But, apparently, “disrupting with a positive purpose” just doesn’t sound cool.

“New Normal.” This phrase used to be used effectively to describe a newly restructured business, or someone’s life after the loss of a loved one. The phrase is one that was originally intended to describe a permanent new existence. Recently, over the past few years, during the 2020 pandemic, it has been bandied about in various ways to prematurely. The future is not cast in stone. Accepting a norm too early is a concession.

“But…” when you were discussing something and all of a sudden you throw out a “but,” it sends a message that you are about to get to a point in your discussion that will negate everything that you have said previously. People will focus on that word, forget everything that came before, and the negative that follows the word will stay with your audience.

“To be honest.” Does this mean that everything you have said prior to this statement has been a lie? If everything that you have said has been true, there is no reason to insert the phrase to be honest into a discussion. Whether you intend it or not, it causes people to wonder if you have been truthful the whole time.

The old adage applies, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” Peppering your conversation with catchphrases, clichés and copouts will not further dialogue or create clear understanding. Consider dumping the useless phases that clutter a discussion. You will maximize the impact of every word you speak, and you will sound more successful in doing it.

Author, business coach, lawyer, mentalist and motivational speaker Joe Curcillo helps companies to thrive by focusing on the idea of having a unifying vision. For more information, visit The Mind Shark.

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