#also I love him to bits and may he have the happiest of all birthdays

[borathae]

If I Was Your Boyfriend

"If he was your boyfriend, he would give you the actual world. Sadly he is just your best friend with the biggest unrequited crush ever."

Pairing: Jungkook x f.Reader

Genre: Unrequited Crush!AU, Idiots in Love!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff, Romance

Warnings: OC is scared of a bug (me fr), he kills it for her, he would do anything for her, yearning, unrequited feelings (? mhhm ?), listen. he may be a lil bit dense when it comes to reading signs jsjjss bless his heart, i need him as my boyfriend, so much tension between them, jsjsjs this is pure torture i want them to kiss!!, brief mention of adult toys, miscommunication because he suuucks at love confessions, protective & slightly jealous!Kook, he is the greenest flag though like seriously, the happiest end hihi, the inspo was seven mv kook, she is shorter than him because i have the hugest size kink with him and this is so self-indulgent <3, once again i need him as my boyfie

Wordcount: 10.5k

a/n: sometimes i have ideas for one specific trope without wanting to write the whole book lmaooo, so enjoy this lil slow burn fluff scenario which is so self-indulgent and fanfiction coded. also, it was inspired by a real life event where i found a bug in my bed and i had to kill it on my own :( i was being very brave about it 😔 ps: this is very unrealistic 'cause like why would you only be best friends with HIM? that wouldn't be an unrequited crush if that was me. happy birthday to kookie 💛

The call comes around two at night. Jungkook picks up with the first ring. He was working out before that.

“Hello? Are you okay?” he asks, resting his head against the edge of the sofa as he is currently sitting on the floor. He was doing sit ups before that, trying his hardest to regulate his sped-up breathing right now.

“Kook, please help me.”

Jungkook sits up straight.

“Where are you? Are you safe?”

“I don’t know. I think it’s following me. I locked it inside my room but I can still hear it.”

“Stay with me, I’m getting dressed”, he says, jumping to his feet to hurry to his front door.

“Please hurry please. I’m so scared.”

“I’m coming, don’t worry. Are you home?”

“Yes. Hurry please.”

“I’m coming, stay strong. Yeah?”

“Yes, thank you”, you say and end the call.

Jungkook curses, shoving the phone into his pants pocket. He puts on his jacket as he runs down the hallway and puts on his beanie once he is inside the elevator. He is restless in the small space, wishing for it to go quicker. It’s too slow.

“Come on, come on”, he stresses it, knowing that it is fruitless.

You are his best friend. Well, at least that is what you would call him. Best friend. Jungkook sees so much more in you. His best friend, his person of trust, his crush. He would never tell you his feelings because he doesn’t want to make it awkward. But if there were no consequences for speaking up, Jungkook would tell you that you are his dream girl. You are funny, sweet, caring, talented, intelligent, wonderful, perfect, amazing, beautiful, pretty, stunning. Yes, Jungkook thinks that you are all of these things and more. When he is close to you, his heart races and he wants to keep looking at your face. When you are sad, he wants to make you happy again and when you smile, he wants to keep it on your face. When you aren’t with him, he misses you and when you are with him, he hopes that time stops passing. You are the person he updates on the most mundane of things and whose text messages always bring a quick flutter to his chest. Your voice is the voice he could listen to for hours and your face is the face he doesn’t get tired of staring at when you and he video chat late night till you and he both run out of things to say. And at the same time, you are the person with whom Jungkook never runs out of things to talk about, if he didn’t have to breathe, he would continue to babble to you until your ears wore off. Jungkook swears that if there were no consequences for his words, he would tell you all of this. 

But alas, there are consequences and so Jungkook is left keeping his true feelings hidden.

The outcome of tonight’s phone call obviously wouldn’t have changed whether or not he had romantic feelings for you. Jungkook loves you as a friend as well. And he will always be there for his friends. Especially when they are clearly scared by something.

Jungkook rings your bell. You open the door as if you were waiting for him, grabbing him by his wrists to drag him inside. Jungkook’s entire body flutters at the feeling of your touch. 

“Finally you are here. Come in quick, please”, you tell him.

You must have been sleeping already. You are in your pyjamas and have no make-up on. Jungkook swears that you have never looked more beautiful before. 

“What happened? Did someone break in?” he asks instead of telling you that you are beautiful.

“Worse.”

“Worse?”

“Kook, there is a huge bug in my room. Please kill it.”

Jungkook stops in his tracks. You call him over for that? You stop when you feel his strength all of a sudden, looking over your shoulder. He has his right brow cocked up.

“What?” you stress.

“You give me a heart attack for that?”

“What? Of course. It’s a bug.”

Jungkook sighs in annoyance, “seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.” You round him to shove him by his back. “Kill it for me, please Kook.”

“Fine, I’ll kill it”, he gives up and groans, letting you shove him to your bedroom. Jungkook would never dare to think this way, but right now he wished that you were shoving him to your room for something else. Nothing dirty of course, just cuddles. Lots of cuddles. He would literally trade both his kidneys so he could hold you in his arms until you fall asleep just once. He would make sure that you were warm and that you felt safe in his embrace. He would kiss your face and tell you sweet nothings like how he thinks of you when he listens to love songs and how he wishes that it was you and he whenever he sees a romantic scene in a movie.

God, Jungkook is so done for. 

“Where is this stupid bug?” he acts annoyed to make the yearning a little easier. It is difficult when you have your hands on his back and they are so, so warm.

“In there.” You open the door carefully and look around. “Follow me”, you say, tiptoeing into your room.

Jungkook follows you, smiling fondly. You are cute when you are acting like this. 

“Where is it?” he asks, trying his hardest not to think about how he wants to snuggle you for being cute.

“I don’t know. It was right there when I last saw it.”

“Maybe it’s already gone.”

“No, it was-” 

The bug flies past you, you scream instantly, jumping at Jungkook for help.

“The bug! Eeeek Kooook! I hate bugs!” you squeak, hiding away in his chest.

Jungkook hopes that you can’t feel his racing pulse, because it is racing. You never touched him like this before, let alone snuggled so close to him. 

Act cool. Act cool. Act cool. 

He wraps one arm around you, patting the back of your head. 

“There, there you big baby”, he teases.

“I hate bugs so much”, you whine, snuggling closer.

He glances down at you, feeling every beat his heart takes.

Act cool! Act cool! Act cool!

What if he wrapped both arms around you? Would that go too far? He wouldn’t mean anything dirty behind it, he just really wants to hug you and feel you melt in his arms.

“Kill it, Kook please”, you whine and move your head so you were looking up at him. Your eyes lock.

Jungkook bites down on his tongue, forgetting to breathe for just a few moments.

ACT COOL! ACT COOL! ACT COOL!

What if he cupped your face right here and now to kiss your nose and cheeks and forehead and chin and lips and eyes? What if he did that?

“Please kill it.”

“I am, you gotta let go for that”, he gets out, surprised at how normal his voice sounds eventhough he is currently losing his mind.

Please don’t let go. Please don’t let go. 

You let go. Disappointment from his side. You hide behind him and grab his waist for moral support. Butterflies in his tummy, his knees buckle a little. Holy moly. Holy moly. Wow. Oh wow oh wow oh wow. 

“You’re seriously so brave for this”, you tell him.

“Yeah, yeah or maybe you’re just a scaredy cat.”

He has no idea how he is able to talk properly right now when you have him literally messed up. 

Jungkook inches close to where the bug is sitting on the wall while his thoughts and heart are racing. He has to act nonchalant about the situation. You are only holding him like this because you are scared.

“Do you have a shoe?” he asks you, hating his hand for shaking when he presents it to you.

You bend down and take off your right slipper, “will this do?” 

“Perfect.” 

Jungkook takes the slipper and carefully moves closer to the bug. Your fingers tighten on his waist.

“Careful now”, you comment.

“I am” he gets out, concentrating vigorously. He can’t mess up now, you are counting on him. 

“Almost there. Almost there”, you cheer him on.

Jungkook slams the shoe down. The bug has no chance of escape. You scream.

“Gotcha.”

“Did you get it? Is it dead? Kook, is it dead?”

Jungkook lifts the slipper and looks at the squished bug on its sole. He shows it to you.

“Dead.”

“Yay, it’s dead. Ew how nasty, you can see the intestines.”

“Right. Give me a minute, I’m cleaning it.”

“Use acid for it. Just to be sure it doesn’t come back.

He chuckles, “sure, I’ll use acid.”

He leaves you in your bedroom to hurry to the bathroom. 

Your apartment is familiar to him. He spends a lot of time here. Mostly to chill on your couch and watch shows with you. Sometimes you also cook dinner together and then eat it by the table, while other times you do a workout together. Seriously, you are his fucking dream girl. 

One time as you and he were cooking together, he needed something from the shelf above you, but you couldn’t step away from the stove. So he got it while you were right in front of him and his chest brushed against your back and he swears that he heard your breath hitch for a moment. Jungkook wanted to hug you back then. When you later that evening turned to let him taste the cooking only to use the same fork to taste it yourself, Jungkook almost kissed you. 

One time when you were watching a show, you got cold hands and Jungkook offered to warm them for you. He didn’t think you would accept, but you did and so he ended up with your cold hands under his hoodie as you warmed them up on his skin. Jungkook swears that he wanted to pin you against the sofa and kiss your cute face back then.

One time when you were doing a workout together, you struggled with a movement and asked him for help. He ended up having to hold you by your hips as he guided you through the movement. He wanted to flip you and kiss you senseless back then. 

He never felt like this before. He was scared of these feelings at first, but now he can’t get enough. You are a foodie, a romance lover and a lover for couple workouts and it’s so impossible for him not to be in love. You are seriously his dream girl. There is no fucking way around this.

Jungkook knows that tonight will be such a memory as well. the kind of memory which tingles, but which also makes him regret that he didn’t act differently. When you cuddled into him, he wanted to hug you properly. When you grabbed his waist he wanted to turn in your grasp and kiss you against the door. But he knows that he can’t. He would ruin what you are having and he could never get over this heartbreak.

Jungkook looks at your toothbrush as he cleans the shoe. Sometimes he thinks about how it would feel to be represented in your bathroom as the second toothbrush right next to yours.  

Jungkook bites down on his tongue, burning holes into the empty space next to your toothbrush. He would put so much effort into taking care of himself so you could always look at the best version of him. He would do skincare nights with you. He would try out hair masks with you and rub body lotion on the spots you can’t reach. He would brush his teeth, floss them and use mouthwash religiously just so his kisses would always taste good. He would do all of this if it meant you had an attractive boyfriend.

Jungkook looks away. He is doing it again, he is getting delusional. He shouldn’t do that. It isn’t his right. 

He turns off the water and leaves the bathroom so he could return the slipper to you.

You are in the kitchen, looking at him instantly.

“Is it gone?” you ask him.

“Yup, it’s gone. Your slipper.”

“Thank you seriously. You just saved my life”, you say and lift a bottle of his favorite beer. “Thank You Beer?”

He shakes his head, “I need to drive.”

“Okay. Then a Thank You Water?”

“Yeah, I can drink that.”

Jungkook accepts the offer because he can stay with you longer that way.

“Coming right up. Get comfy in the meantime.”

Jungkook waits on the sofa, but stands up when you come inside the room. He accepts the water and sits back down. You plop down right in front of him, pulling your legs onto the pillow. Your knees are almost touching the side of thigh.

“You seriously saved my ass tonight. I was already in bed when I felt something tickle my arm and then I turned on the lights and it was right on my arm. I screamed so loud, you have no idea.”

“That sounds traumatic.”

“It was traumatic.” You shudder. “I hate bugs.”

Jungkook laughs softly.

“What? Are you laughing at me?”

“No, just laughing ‘cause I agree. You really hate bugs.”

“I do. Awful things, seriously.”

He laughs and you laugh as well. Your eyes meet again. He takes a sip of his water then asks a question which scares him a little.

“Why did you call me?”

“Why not?”

“I, I mean”, he stutters, feeling his heart do somersaults.

“You were my first thought. It’s probably because you’re always keeping me safe.”

Jungkook swears he wants to kiss you right now. He is the first person you think of when you need help. He is your safe person. Wow, wow, wow.

“Is that weird to say?” you ask him shyly.

“Not at all”, he gets out in a terribly hoarse voice.

“Okay phew. I knew that I could count on you.”

Jungkook gives you a smile. One you retort with a vast glance at his lips.

Jungkook brings the empty glass to the kitchen to clean it after he finishes it. You follow him. 

“You don’t have to clean that”, you tell him, trying to reach for the glass but he moves it away.

“I got it”, he assures you, looking at you over his arm.

You and he are so close again. He can’t stop looking into your eyes. He knows that he is delusional, but in his mind, your eyes are so bright when you look at him. But it’s not real and he is acting stupid when he is staring like that. He turns his head away, blind to the few more seconds your eyes seem to linger on his face.

“What were you doing when I called you?” you ask him, watching his hands as he washes the glass.

“Working out.”

“Really? At this time?”

“That’s when I get energised.”

“Of course you do. What were you doing?”

“Just stuff on the floor.”

“Nice. Like push ups and stuff?”

“Yeah and sit ups.”

“That’s cool.” 

He has his back turned to you, putting away the glass. He is wearing a white oversized shirt, but the movement makes it stick to his body, showing not only his skinny waist but also his built, muscular back. His shoulders grew so much over the past seven months. (Seven months ago was when you decided to download a dating app and told Jungkook about it. Jungkook started working out harder since then.) 

He closes the cupboard and turns. 

“Something wrong?” he asks, somehow oblivious to your stares. 

“Nothing, no uhm.” You look to the side. “You probably wanna leave now?”

He doesn’t want to leave.

“If you still need me here, I can stay”, he offers.

Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

“Really?”

He nods his head, giving you a sweet smile with teeth. He would do anything for you, even mess up his sleep schedule.

“Maybe there is another bug, you know?” you say, playing with your own fingers shyly.

His heart is jumping in joy. He can stay longer. 

“That could be possible, yeah. Should we check?” he offers as calmly as possible.

“Yeah, please.”

Yay! Yay! Yay!

“I know I sound so stupid.”

“You don’t. Come on, I’ll check.”

You and he go to your bedroom together. Jungkook wants to hold your hand, but knows that he can’t. You close the door to your bedroom. His pulse flutters for a moment. In another lifetime, this would be the moment you pull him into a kiss. But Jungkook knows that stupid things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies, not reality.

He has to act as your best friend who doesn’t have a crush on you if he wanted to or not. He lifts your blanket and shakes it out.

“No bugs”, he comments.

“That’s good, yeah. I should probably check the pillows.”

You crawl onto bed and make it your job to flip each individual pillow. Jungkook looks at you for a moment. He hates that things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies. Because in a different lifetime, he jumps onto bed with you to hug you. He listens to your giggle and makes you giggle even harder by tickling your sides.

You, oblivious to his longing stares, flip yet another pillow. 

“No bugs here, thank god. I probably sound insane to you, but I’m actually so scared that there’s a whole bug family in this room.”

“You don’t sound insane. I’ll take care of them if we find them.”

“You’re seriously my hero.”

Jungkook is thinking. Maybe he could still make you laugh, he thinks. Not by showering you in skinship, but differently. 

“Hey, check this out”, he says.

“What? Did you find another bug?!” you gasp, whipping around instantly.

“I’m a bug. Bzzz”, he says and jumps onto bed, flapping his arms as if he was a bug flying.

You cough out air, following it up with a loud laugh.

Jungkook flops onto his back and wiggles his limps.

“Now I’m flipped onto my back and can’t get up”, he says, squirming from side to side stupidly. “Help me. Bzzzz.”

You laugh to the point it becomes just a little ugly and way too loud. At least you would call it that. Jungkook calls it the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. He loves to be goofy when it means that he can make you laugh. Some people call him childish and tell him to act his age, but Jungkook doesn’t care about these people because you love the way he is. You always smile and laugh so much when he gets goofy and childish and it is so worth every rude comment he gets. One time, he played around with a snapback hat, acting silly with it until you cackled loudly. Another time he showed you a card trick with goofy sound effects, basking in the giggles you gave him. He knows that he looks stupid in these moments, but he would literally turn into a silly jester if it meant that you could laugh just one more time.

“Help me, I’m a bug and I can’t get up”, he whines dramatically.

“Wait, I’ll help you”, you joke and place your hands on his torso. One on his chest, the other on his stomach.

He tenses up like a board of wood, forgetting all about being silly. His limbs drop, as does his heart. You are touching him! This never happened before when he acted goofy. What should he do? What is the correct reaction to this?

“Why are you such a heavy bug? I can’t flip you”, you are still being playful with him, but Jungkook can’t find humour anymore. He is starstruck. 

He chuckles deeply, letting out a breathy, “yeah.” 

You glance at him. The second your eyes meet, his heart is racing. You are so fucking beautiful. 

“Heh”, he lets out and places his hand over yours, eyes flitting to your lips unknowingly.

“Hm”, you let out, studying his gazing eyes. Your lips feel kissed just from his look. 

“Mhm”, he hums and smiles, shimmying his head just a little closer to you. He feels your minty breath swirl over his face like this, squeezing your hand in reaction. What if he just did it? What if he just kissed you right here and now?

Your smile falls.

“Sorry”, you whisper, pulling your hands back and sitting up. 

Jungkook gasps for air, coming back to reality. What was this moment? Is he going crazy? Why would he do that?

Your eyes meet for a brief second then you look away again, rubbing the side of your neck.

Jungkook sits up, “I should, uhm, probably check under the bed too, right?” he tries to change topics and rolls over to stick his head under the bed. He might die of heart palpitations.

There are a few boxes under the bed, some shoe boxes and an exposed adult toy. Jungkook does a double take. Oh god, panic.

Jungkook shoots back up, staring at you with big eyes.

“What?”

“You uhm…”

“What?” You crawl to the edge and bend down to look, shooting up again within a second, “What did you see??”

His entire face flushes, he looks to the side instantly, right hand coming to rub the side of his neck. Your entire face feels on fire, you want to die on the spot.

“I, I didn’t see anything I swear”, he stutters.

“Kook, please don’t remember this”, you insist, shaking him by his shoulders.

“It’s seriously fine”, he assures you, panicking so so much.

“This is so embarrassing.”

“No, it’s okay. Sorry for invading your space like that.”

“I’m actually gonna cry, please don’t remember this”, you beg him.

“I didn’t even see anything”, he lies, feeling his heart give up. For real, it will give up. He feels so guilty. You are so upset and uncomfortable and it’s all his fault. “I’m sorry.”

“No you, I guess, I don’t know, I just”, you stutter, unable to form any coherent sentences.

Jungkook feels just as awkward as you, suddenly needing to stand up.

“I think I should go”, he says.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s getting late.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. You fucked it. You are internally panicking, blind to the fact that Jungkook is panicking as well.

His face is so red and it’s making him scared that you can see it. He doesn’t want you to think that he is imagining you like that, because he really isn’t. But for just a second it crossed his mind and it managed to dye his face so red that he feels like crying. Of course he wants to stay with you. Of course he wants to spend every single second of this night with you, talking and laughing and looking at you, but he might not be able to get rid of this blush right now. He needs to leave.

You follow behind him, panicking more and more. You let him put on his shoes and his beanie, you watch him close his jacket unable to say anything. You swear that you always clean up after yourself, but you were busy this morning and forgot to put it away after sanitizing it. Jungkook was never supposed to see it. Not him. Everyone but him.

“I’ll text you once I’m home”, Jungkook tells you.

“You’re not disgusted now, are you?” you finally get the scary words out.

“What?”

You are both dragging out the inevitable. 

“I don’t know, just…I tried the dating app stuff. I met people, you know?”

Jungkook feels like dying when you talk about this stuff. He stands in the apartment complex hallways, looking at you as you tell him about your hook ups and he wants to fucking die as he does. He has been loyal to you ever since he started this stupid crush on you. Of course he knows that it is impossible of him to expect the same from you. But he has been so fucking loyal to you that you literally broke his heart seven months ago when you told him about your newest download. He wasn’t strong enough to get over his crush, so now he dies all over again each time you tell him about your hook-ups.

“And it just felt weird. I couldn’t do it”, you confess.

“Really?” suddenly what happened before is wiped from his mind. You never went through with it? His loyalty was reciprocated? Jungkook knows that he is being so delusional right now and yet he still hangs on to your every word like a worshipper of your syllables, staring at your lips as you talk.

“Yeah, but I still have needs, you know? Oh god, why did I say that? This didn’t make it better. Just forget I ever said anything.”

“I, I didn’t hear anything”, Jungkook stutters, feeling weak-kneed. The wall between him being a good person and a reckless person is as fragile as a sheet of fresh ice. One wrong step from you and he might actually confess how he really feels.

“Okay good, let’s keep it at that.” You push at his chest. Jungkook swears he actually whimpers as you do it. “Go home and let us forget about all of this, please.”

Should he do it? Should he be reckless?

You step back, now standing in your apartment.

Do it! Open, mouth!

“Text me once you’re home, okay?”

“Okay.”

No! This isn’t the right thing to say! Be reckless!

“Thank you for tonight, sleep tight.”

“Sweet dreams.”

Tell her! Fucking tell her!

The door closes.

Jungkook falls out of his fearful trance, gasping for air. His heart tells him to knock for another chance, his mind tells him not to. He turns and leaves, hitting his own head as punishment for being the most stupid person that ever existed. Tonight could have gone so well. He could have had more time with you, he got the confirmation that you never tried the dating app thing, he had everything and he has to ruin it by being a creep. Why did he look under your bed? That’s where most people store their sexy stuff. Why did he have to make you uncomfortable? What if you never want to see him again? What if he ruined your friendship without ever doing the one thing he always wished to ruin it with? In his dreams he always ruined it by confessing his feelings, but his reality was because he was a creep.

Jungkook cries in his car on his way home. He forgets about texting you and spends a sleepless night regretting his choices.

Maybe he did fall asleep, otherwise it would be impossible for his phone to rip him awake the next day. He barely opens his puffy eyes at first, but opens them widely when he sees that it is you calling him.

“Hello?” he picks up hastily.

“Oh thank god. You didn’t text me last night and I was worried.”

The text! Jungkook slaps his own forehead, sitting up straight.

“I’m so sorry, I…”

“It’s okay, I already had a gist that you forgot”, you assure him, “do you have time?” 

“Of course, what’s up?”

“You know, uhm.” You laugh in embarrassment. “Last night was a mess, wasn’t it?”

“No uhm, it’s fine.”

“You wouldn’t be down for a grocery trip with barbeque and beer afterwards, would you? My treat, as an apology for traumatising you.”

“Of course, I would. Today?”

“Yes, in like two hours? I’ll get off work soon and could go straight to the store.”

You and Jungkook often go grocery shopping together. You already have a favourite store to go to. Jungkook loves these moments. He loves to carry the heavy bags for you and get the stuff you can’t reach. He loves to push the cart while you tell him about your day and then load the groceries into the bags with you. In another lifetime, you and he push the cart together and he steals kisses between aisles. In another lifetime, he holds your hand and the bags in the other. And in another lifetime, you and he go to your apartment to cook dinner for date night on the couch. Jungkook really wishes to live a different life sometimes.

“Two hours sounds great”, he agrees in a cool voice even if he wants to squeal. He gets to go grocery shopping with you! How amazing!

“Nice, then we’ll see each other there.”

“Yes, we’ll see each other. I’m really excited for it.”

“Me too. See you later, yeah? My boss is coming back.”

“See you later. Good luck at work.” 

“Thanks, Kook. Bye bye.”

Goodbye, my everything, my dream girl, my love. He thinks.

“Bye.” He says.

The phone call ends. Jungkook drops back into the pillow and lets out a yelp of celebration, following it up with excessive kicking and punching of the air as well as  squeaky giggles. 

He didn’t ruin everything and he will see you in two hours. Today is the best day of his life! But wait! Jungkook gasps and jumps out of bed.

“I need to get ready! Shower and wash my hair and pick an outfit! And do my skincare and brush my teeth! There is so much to do, oh god” he talks to himself, running through his apartment.

You are pacing in front of the store. Jungkook isn’t late, you are just early. Early enough to become painfully aware of your nervousness. You wonder how it will be between the two of you after last night. You could barely fall asleep because you were so embarrassed. Work didn’t distract you either, your thoughts kept repeating what had happened last night. You hope that he doesn’t look at you differently after what he had to see. It would literally ruin you.

Jungkook is your best friend. But if someone asked you honestly, you would say that he is the boy of your dreams. He is everything you ever dreamed of and everything you will never be able to have. He is too perfect for you. If there were no consequences for your actions, you would tell him how you really feel. You would tell him that you think that he is the most attractive man and person you have ever seen, that he is the kindest soul with the sweetest heart. That he is talented and amazing and the funniest person ever. And that you feel safe with him. 

You would tell him that every time he comes to your place or you to his’ and you spend time together, you wish that it was a date instead. You want to tell him that every time your bodies touch, your heart jumps out of your chest. You want to tell him that you keep repeating all the moments with him over and over again and that sometimes at work, you text him because you can’t stop thinking about him. You also want to tell him that you thought about killing the bug yourself before deciding to call Jungkook just to have him close.

And the worst of it all? You want to tell Jungkook that the only reason why you downloaded the dating app was to get over your feelings for him because you knew that someone as perfect as Jungkook would never want to have you. But actions have consequences and so you call him your best friend whilst secretly wishing for him to just be reckless and kiss you.

Jungkook appears on the horizon, swerving through the crowd in a stoic expression. Your heart speeds up instantly. He is wearing black pants with a stripped shirt and a black jacket today. His hair falls on soft waves, his skin glows in the sun. He is so dreamy and handsome. 

His eyes find you in front of the store, his face lights up and he lifts his arm to wave at you. You wave back, bouncing on your tiptoes. He saw you! He is waving at you! 

He hurries through the crowd faster than before, reaching you within moments.

“Hey there”, he says.

“Hey”, you tell him and give him a hug. 

Jungkook short circuits. He gets no time to react before you already step back again. You just hugged him. Holy moly, wow. 

“Sorry, was that not okay?” you ask, studying his frozen features.

“What?” He flinches back to life. “No, it was amazing, I mean, it was okay. I uhm, I have this for you.”

He lifts a bouquet of sunflowers.

“Sunflowers? For me?”

“Yeah, I saw them and thought of you.”

“You did?”

You accept them with shortened breath and a quickened heart. You are currently screeching inside. You feel on cloud nine.

“A-as a best friend of course, because we’re best friends.”

“Oh. Yes.” You clear your throat. “We are. Thank you for the friendship flowers. I’ll put them in water once I’m home. Hopefully they’ll survive till then.” 

“I’m sure they will. That’s why I put the paper towel there.”

“I know, I saw. That’s so clever.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He does a little twirl so he stands next to you, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants in a cute way. “So what do we need? Any particular groceries in mind?” 

You and he start walking to the store. He opens the door for you, holding it until you are inside. He follows and goes straight for the carts. You are next to him.

“Yes, I’m out of multigrain rice so I’m buying all of them to make my mixture again and I wanna stock up on udon because they have a sale going on.”

“Neat, a sale. I’ll get some too”, Jungkook says, leaning his elbows on the cart as he pushes it. “I wanna see if they have the lychees again. They were so yummy last time.”

“They were. Especially with that sauce you made.”

“I can make them for you again.”

“Really?” 

He nods his head, “sure, you could come over Saturday and we’ll watch a movie. I heard that there’s a few new movies to stream.”

“I should be free on Saturday.”

“Nice, then you’ll come over.”

You and he exchange a look, breaking it quickly to look at opposite sides. Unbeknownst to either, you are both panicking. Jungkook is so excited to have you come over but is also terribly nervous about the aspect of it. You can’t wait to visit Jungkook but are also scared of the yearning. 

A moment of silence where you each fill the cart with stuff you want. You and Jungkook always fill up the cart together and then separate the groceries afterwards. In another lifetime, you don’t need to separate the groceries. In another lifetime, you share the same bag and fill the same fridge to cook from the same pots and eat on your shared couch whilst a show was running. 

“How was your day?” Jungkook asks because other lifetimes don’t exist and in his real life, the only shared thing he gets with you is time.

“It was okay. Yours?”

“I woke up like two hours ago.”

You chuckle, “of course you sleep while I have to work my ass off.”

“Hey, I’m on a well-deserved break, I earned the night owl lifestyle”, he throws back, making you laugh with it.

“I’m not saying anything against it. I need a break soon.”

“Is work stressful?”

“Yeah, quite. There’s been lots of new projects coming in.”

“No, I’m sorry. If there is something I can do, let me know.”

You look at him. 

“I will, thank you.”

In another lifetime, you would hug his arm and rest your head against it and you would tell him that you don’t mind a stressful workday when it meant spending time with him afterwards. 

Jungkook meets your eyes. His heart flutters nervously, speeding up more when you look away. If he was your boyfriend, he would hold your hand and tell you that you looked beautiful after a long work day. 

“I like the way you did your hair today”, he says instinctively. He has no idea why he said that because he never says stuff like that to you. He panics because of it. His tongue worked quicker than his brain. 

You reach up to feel your hair, “you do?”

“Yes, it fits you really well.” 

“Thank you”, you murmur and cross a corner without warning, leaving him alone for a few seconds.

Jungkook follows after you hastily, confused as to why you so abruptly fled. Oh no. He went too far with the compliment. He definitely creeped you out again. 

You are squatting down in front of the grain section, reading the labels carefully. Jungkook parks the cart next to you, standing still. He tries not to, but still looks at you. You shift your eyes to him, widen them and look away again. Jungkook swears he might cry. He made you uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry for saying that. I, I meant it as a friend.”

“Hm? Ah, it’s okay. Thank you for saying it, I liked it”, you say and stand up, filling the cart with the grain. Jungkook’s heart flutters happily. He didn’t mess up. Yay!

“Got everything you wanted?” he asks.

“Yep, except black rice. Do you see it somewhere?”

“Up there”, Jungkook says, pointing at it. The lower racks are empty, only the racks which are clearly for staff to reach so they could refill the store are stacked with the rice. 

“Nice.” You try to reach it, but fail. “Kook, can you get it?”

“Sure, let me”, he says, stepping right behind you to get the rice from the staff rack. His chest brushes against your back. You gasp. He feels dizzy, but acts nonchalant.

“There we go your….rice”, Jungkook says, eyes flitting down to you looking up at him. He didn’t even realise that you turned. 

There is almost no distance and so Jungkook tries to step back to be respectful because friends don’t stand this close. You grab him by his jacket, making him gulp and panic greatly. His left hand grabs the edge of the shelf, his chest lifts in a deep gasp. You are taller today because of the shoes you are wearing. The shortened distance between your lips is making him dizzy.

“About last night”, you begin, but he interrupts you before you apologise for something you have no reason to.

“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have snooped, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t snoop, I just…I clean up, I was just busy and forgot and I”, you exhales deeply, “I’m not making it any better talking by about it, am I?”

He laughs softly and reaches down to cup your hand, caressing your knuckles softly. The lines blur more and more. You both feel weightless. You can smell his cologne like this, he can smell your perfume. It’s like you are high on each other.

“If it makes you feel any better, I have some toys too”, he says, making your eyes widen. You look to the side and let out a giggle. Jungkook knows that it is of shy nature and so he giggles with you. “Did that help or did I just embarrass myself for nothing?”

“No, it helped.” You meet his eyes, fingers squeezing his jacket. 

Jungkook holds his breath, fingers tightening on the shelf. He is being so greedy. It’s so unfair to you. 

“I, uhm.” He clears his throat and slips his hand from the shelf to present the rice to you. “Your rice.”

“Oh? Thanks, uhm, put it in the cart.” 

He steps back. Your hands slip from his jacket, his fingers stop holding you. They tingle in the memory of how it was to cradle you this way. His thoughts are racing, trying to calculate the weight of his confession. If he confessed, what would he lose? Your friendship, your time, the movie hangouts, the cooking together, the shared workouts, your texts and calls and video chats. All your laughter and smiles and giggles. Jungkook gulps. The loss is too great. He can’t confess. Nope, never. 

He grips the cart and pushes it, hoping that walking it off will help with the heart palpitations. You walk next to him, resting your hand on the metal cage part of the cart.

“Did you sleep well last night?” he asks you.

“Can I be honest? Not really. I was so embarrassed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m just awkward.”

He chuckles, you chuckle with him. You give him a glance.

“I think I don’t have to ask you if you slept well at night because you never sleep at night.”

He laughs, you do as well.

“That’s not true. I can sleep at night too, I simply choose not to. Oh wait. I need buckwheat noodles.”

You and he stop in front of the section. You stay by the cart while Jungkook browses the options. 

“Should I make you makguksu?” he offers mindlessly.

“Today?”

“Yeah.”

“So you don’t wanna go for barbecue and beer?” You chuckle and nudge his arm, sending tingles all over his skin. “Did you already forget again, you doofus?”

“I might have.” He gives you a sorry, cute smile.

Jungkook makes you laugh with it.

“Kook, you little scatterbrain you”, you chuckle, leaning into him. 

Jungkook leans closer, placing his arm around your waist without touching you. In another lifetime, he would close the last distance. But not in reality. He looks at your lips, asking himself why you seek him out today and why he takes the chances so greedily. He shouldn’t do that. You are just friends, nothing more.

“Uh, sorry”, you say and step away again. 

Jungkook gulps, gasps for air. He doesn’t understand what today means, but whatever you are doing is actually messing with him. He hasn’t been able to breathe properly ever since that hug you gave him. You seem so clingy, but he doesn’t understand why. 

You grab the cart and push it.

“I think I have everything I need. You?”

“Yeah, yeah sure”, Jungkook stutters, stumbling after you like a lovesick puppy. He doesn’t know where to put his hands and so he ends up stuffing them into his pants pockets while his eyes are glued to the back of your head. He is seriously under your spell. Every part of him.

You load the groceries on the conveyor belt together and then load them into separate bags. You pay for all of them and wish the cashier a good day. Jungkook carries the bags like always, while you are allowed to walk freely with the bouquet of flowers cradled in your arms.

“I’ll pay you back at home”, he says, swerving outside as you hold the door open for him.

“Today’s on me. As a thank you for yesterday and an apology.”

“What? But I bought so much”, Jungkook gasps, pouting sadly.

“It’s fine. I have money.”

“But-”

“No buts. I’m paying.”

Jungkook pouts, huffing out air in defeat.

“Fine, but I’ll pay for your stuff too one day.”

You chuckle, “deal.” 

You and he walk together.

“You should really start accepting when I offer. It’s not a competition.”

“I just feel uncomfortable making you pay.”

“Why?”

Because you’re his dream girl and you should never have to pay for him. He should be your wallet whenever you are out together, he should fulfil your every wish. 

“I don’t know, just so. You work so hard for your money.”

“You work just as hard”, you say and chuckle. “Kook, you’re so competitive.”

Jungkook smiles, shaking his head in defeat. 

“I guess am.”

You grin, hugging the flowers tighter. With a little skip in your steps, you close the distance. Just enough that one small movement would be enough for your arms to brush. 

Jungkook glances at you. You are gazing at the flowers, smiling so brightly that your nose scrunches up. He could swear that your eyes are sparkling. 

The lines blur again. He wonders if it would be okay for him to be a bad person, if he was allowed to slip his hand into yours even if you never gave him consent for it. There is not much he can still take.

You lower your nose into the flowers and smell them, closing your eyes in a happy squint. The metaphorical glass of how much Jungkook can take floats over.

He says your name and knows that the next words are coming out of him before he can think them through.

“Yeah?” You look at him.

He is nervous and scared, but still talks, “can we talk about something?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

Panic. His situation finally sunk into his consciousness. 

“I uhm…uh…I have a crush on someone.”

Microexpressions wash over your face. Shock, surprise, disbelief, jealousy, hurt, friendliness. A smile curls your lips. It doesn’t reach your eyes.

“Yeah? It’s about time you do”, the words and your voice carry a hint of teasing, but most of all forced friendliness.

You lower the flowers, carrying them in one hand by your side. They look sad like this. Jungkook doesn’t notice because he is staring at the road in front of him because otherwise he would pass out in nervousness. He is almost twenty seven, but feels sixteen again.

“She’s like really, really great and awesome and amazing and wonderful and so kind and perfect”, Jungkook continues, heart racing to the point he feels dizzy. He saw this kind of confession in movies. He always thought that it was so cute when the guy did it. It isn’t obvious enough to ruin everything just in case you didn’t feel the same, but it is still cute enough that you can’t help but be giddy.

“Mh-hm”, you hum, nodding your head. 

“And I keep thinking about her. She is so pretty when she laughs and I love being in her presence. She likes my jokes and she always makes me laugh in return. Yeah…”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah, she is so great. I really wanna ask if she feels the same.” Jungkook falters in nervousness. He is going to ask the question. He is so scared. “If you were me, what would you do?”

You take a deep breath and release it loudly, “I don’t know. I haven’t had a crush in so long.”

Jungkook falters, heart tightening. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Oh. This is bad. This is really bad. 

“Ah, I see.” He gulps.

“But let me know if you figure it out. Then we can go on a double date.” 

Wait. Wait. This is bad. Double date? This is so bad.

“What do you mean?” he asks weakly.

“You know, you and your girl and me and my boy.”

“You have a boy?”

“Yeah, soon. I’m talking to this boy on the dating app. He is very cute.”

“But…didn’t you say that you gave up on the app?”

“No uh…no, it’s just that I only talk to this one boy now.”

Jungkook bites back tears.

“I see.” 

“Mhm, yeah. Let’s go on a double date.”

No. No this is all wrong. No this isn’t what was meant to happen. No. 

“Please.”

Jungkook doesn’t even realize that he begged out loud until you look at him in question.

“Please what?”

You and he stop. Strangers stream past you like you and he were two rocks in a river. You are facing each other, so close yet so far away. 

You lied to him. There is no other boy. There never was and never will be. But there will always be other girls for him while you stay his best friend. Lying is all that you have at this point. 

“Please what?” you repeat the question.

“I…” Jungkook breathes. “I…nevermind.”

Silence. Your eyes are locked so deeply that the world around you is blurry.

“Okay?”

“Mhm yeah.”

His jaw tightens and he breaks the eye contact, looking to the side with his tongue in his cheek. He seemed angry. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t feeling angry yourself. You turn away from him and continue walking. You don’t want to be next to him right now. It hurts to only stay his best friend.

He looks at the back of your head and how it becomes smaller and smaller from distance. He doesn’t understand you. He thought that the way you looked at him in the store meant something. And yet all this time you had another boy. He feels so betrayed that for just a second, he considers walking the other direction and leaving you to wonder where he went. However, two things hold him back; his competitiveness and his honest feelings for you.

He won’t stay your best friend any longer. He just decided that. He is going to fight for you, make you fall for him and forget all about the stupid boys you meet on this stupid dating app. He is better than any of them. He could treat you better, make you laugh harder, give you better hugs and kisses and provide you with afterglow so addicting you will get hot cheeks at work just thinking about it. He is your best friend, goddamn it, and he knows you better than any of these strangers ever will. And he is not going to lose you to some boy.

He jogs to catch up with you, calling your name with a certain harshness.

You turn. Your eyes meet. Jungkook’s brain short circuits.

“What?” you ask him, sounding small because of being called so harshly.

“I, I was just wondering, uhm, should we get ice cream after?” he asks because he panicked.

You shrug your shoulders, “I guess.”

“It’s on me, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jungkook inches closer, saying your name softly.

“What do you want?”

“I messed up before.”

“What do you mean?”

“I, I just. I thought that I was doing a good job, but I think I made you think something else.”

“Jungkook. I had a long day, please don’t talk in riddles.”

“Don’t date other boys.”

“Excuse me?”

Jungkook gulps, panicking because of your offended and harsh tone.

“I, I, I just”, he stutters, widening his eyes.

“No. What do you mean? I can date who I want.”

“I know, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that, oh god, I meant that I don’t want you to see other boys.”

“Huh?”

“Ah no, wait.”  He slaps his own forehead. “Wait.”

You cross your arms in front of your chest, “what makes you think that you can tell me what I can or can’t do?”

“No I didn’t mean it like that. Wait just give me a moment, please I’m panicking.”

You purse your lips, studying his face intensely.

“Are you also so nervous?” he asks.

“What’s with you all of a sudden?” you ask him, honestly worried. His face is as red as ripe strawberries.

Jungkook closes the distance and takes your hands, eliciting a gasp from you. He squeezes them gently, staring into your eyes as deeply as possible.

“This wasn’t how I always imagined this to go, but I can’t stay quiet anymore. ___, the girl I have a crush on is-”

“Seriously?”

You and Jungkook turn around at the angry voice next to you.  

“Suho? What are you doing here?” you ask.

“Who’s that?” Jungkook says.

“Kim Suho. I met him on the dating app. We went on like one date a month ago”, you explain and slip your hands out of Jungkook’s hold to turn to the other guy, “what are you doing here?”

Jungkook stares at him darkly, clenching his jaw. You told him about this dude in passing. He hates him so much, hating him even more now that he interrupted this moment.

“That’s what you’re going with? Seriously?” Suho throws back.

“Yeah, you-”

“What the fuck are you doing with him? I told you to stop being friends with him, didn’t I?”

Jungkook looks at you with big eyes. You never told him that. You always said that you lost interest in Suho because of different hobbies, but never mentioned that he could have been the actual reason.

“And I told you that you can’t tell me what to do. Jungkook is my best friend and I won’t give him up for a man.”

“Yes but I wasn’t any man, I was your man.”

“Huh? No you weren’t. We went on one date and you totally lost it when I told you that I had a male best friend.”

“Because he isn’t just your friend. You’re in love with him.”

Jungkook swears that he passes out standing up for a second. Feelings? You have feelings for him? Did you tell Suho that or is he assuming because he is one of those weird men that think women aren’t allowed to have male friends? What does all of this mean?

“What?” You laugh nervously. “No? Of course not.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous. I followed you from work and through the store. I saw everything.”

“Huh? What?” you gasp, hurrying to Jungkook instinctively because you know that he will keep you safe.

“Dude, what the fuck? You creep, stay away from her”, Jungkook says harshly and steps in front of you, feeling the fire of protectiveness start to burn in his chest.

“I saw what I saw. You have feelings for each other”, Suho says, pointing an accusing finger at you and Jungkook.

Jungkook and you exchange a look. 

“No I…”

Suho scoffs and looks at Jungkook.

“And you? Gonna fucking pretend that you’re just friends or should I start punching you?”

“Dude, I’ve never even met you”, Jungkook defends himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I’ll still fucking punch you.”

“Don’t you dare”, you hiss at him.

��Shut up, ___.”

“Hey, don’t talk to her like that”, Jungkook speaks up loudly, making himself bigger. He doesn’t care when people are aggressive to him, but he cannot accept aggression towards you.

“Or what?”

“You wanna find out? Don’t talk to her like that.”

Suho rushes to Jungkook and pushes at his chest. He thought that he could move him, but he can’t. Jungkook just gawks at him in utter surprise.

“What are you doing?” he asks confused.

“Why aren’t you budging? Fall over you idiot”, Suho growls and tries again with all his might. 

Jungkook takes a small step back but then stays unmoving. 

“Dude, seriously. What are you doing?”

Suho growls and punches Jungkook. Except that he is so bad at it that Jungkook can easily dodge him. He reacts calmly to the aggression, redirecting Suho by turning him and giving him a gentle push away from him.

Suho stumbles and whips around.

“You-”

Jungkook steps closer, “give it up, man.”

Suho shifts his attention to you, pointing his finger at you. He tries to get to you by swerving past Jungkook, but the latter steps in front of you again, stopping Suho with a firm hand on his chest. He didn’t show it, but the contact was definitely made with strength because Suho stumbles back from it.

“I said. Give it up. I’m not gonna repeat myself again”, he warns. For just a second his voice was deeper than usual and his eyes darker. You can’t stop staring in awe, feeling so attracted to him that it is difficult not to grab him right here and now.

Suho ignores him, talking over Jungkook’s shoulder.

“It’s over. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Huh? We weren’t even together in the first place?” you say very confused.

“Yes, well…. Now it’s really over. And just so you know, I’ll block you on everything.”

“I mean, okay.”

Suho turns and runs down the street clumsily.

A moment of silence. Jungkook turns to you. He is ready to take you into his arms if you need support.

“Everything okay?” he asks hesitantly.

“Honestly? I couldn’t care less about this tantrum. What the fuck was that? We went on one date and it sucked ass. I mean, who in their right mind expects someone to give up their best friend? I don’t even know this dude.”

“Would you have done it if you liked him?”

“What? No, of course not. I like you, not him.”

“What?!”

You look at Jungkook with big eyes.

“I, I mean…” you look at his lips and Jungkook finally notices.

Holy fuck. Suho was right.

He drops the grocery bags and closes the distance, cupping your face. To his delighted surprise, you practically melt into his hands, gazing at him with dreamy eyes and your fingers closing around his wrists greedily.

“Was he right?” Jungkook asks, looking between your right and left eye. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“I’m scared”, you whisper.

“Scared of what?”

“You are so perfect and I’m not. I don’t want to know how you feel about me, so just…let’s just forget about what happened please.”

“You’re not perfect? What the fuck? You’re literally perfect. If someone’s unworthy, it’s me.”

“What?”

Jungkook gulps. 

You touch his chest.

“Kook, what?”

“You’re my fucking dream girl, ___” he finally confesses and now can’t be stopped, “I get excited when you text me and get sad when I don’t hear from you. Each time we hang out, I kinda wish that we somehow magically end up together. I repeat every little touch and shared laughter and look. Sometimes I can’t fall asleep because of you, but wish to do so because in my sleep I can meet you in my silly, wishful dreams. Do you have any idea how in love I am with you?”

“Are you serious?” 

Jungkook nods his head, forcing your tears to finally flow. He gasps and begins wiping them away instantly.

“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, I promise I won’t try anything. You, you won’t lose your best friend.”

“I’m just happy. So happy.”

“You are?”

“I feel the same for you. I have done so for a long time.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” You sniffle. “You’re my dream boy too, Jungkook.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god! Yippie!” he exclaims and overtaken by happiness, he swoops you off your feet to twirl with you, making you squeal happily as you hold onto him for dear life. Strangers definitely look at you weird, but you couldn’t care less. They are non-existent for you and him. He likes you and you like him back. This day is the best day you and he ever had.

He sets you down after the twirling, cradling your face so he could hold it still for way too many kisses. He gives you kisses everywhere except your lips, making you giggle and laugh and tingle the entire time.

“I’m so happy, you’re so pretty and perfect and amazing and pretty and amazing and I’m gonna kiss you there and there and there and oh my god you’re so perfect, I’m gonna kiss you there and there, wow oh wow…” he babbles between kisses, truly sending your heart into overdrive.

He probably would have continued his babbling for hours if you hadn’t stopped him by lacing your fingers in his hair and pulling his mouth into a kiss.

“Andmhgmh”, he lets out, gawking at you first before the realisation of his situation sinks in. His knees buckle, his left hand grabs your hips and his right hand cradles your head, eyes falling closed. He is kissing you. He feels weightless, floating in time and space. His heart races so much that he feels it throb against his ribcage, the butterflies in his stomach are unbearably exciting. He dreamt of this moment a million times before, fantasised about it twice as much and yet he still wasn’t ready for it. Your kiss is like heaven on earth. He swears that he gains new life through it. He wants to kiss you until his lungs run out of air, but you break it.

“Was that okay for me to do?” you ask him shyly.

Now it’s his turn to spill tears and for you to wipe them.

“I’m sorry, I should have ask-”, you don’t get to finish your sentence, getting kissed again by Jungkook.

“I’m so fucking happy, you have no idea”, he murmurs, showing you his feelings one deep kiss at a time. “You taste so good.” Kiss, oh so deep. “Your lips are so soft.” Kiss, the kind which makes your knees wobble. “You’re perfect, you’re so perfect.”

You giggle, gazing up at him droopily. Jungkook giggles as well, peeling his eyes open to gaze dreamily. You and he cup each other’s faces, resting your foreheads together.

“I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too.”

“Wow, I’m so happy.”

“Me too. So happy.”

You giggle together, swaying from side to side. Nothing, truly nothing, has never felt as right as this.

“Were you trying to confess to me before Suho interrupted us?”

“Yeah.”

You giggle as you talk, “you were really shit at it. I thought you were talking about someone else.”

“I know, I panicked so bad. I was so nervous”, he is giggling too, “are you actually talking to another boy?”

“Of course not, you doofus. I lied.”

“Oh my god, I’m so relieved”, he gets out and sweeps you off your feet again, carrying you under your butt. He twirls with you, smiling up at you as you squeak and laugh with your head thrown back.

“Jungkook stop please, I’m getting dizzy.”

He sets you down, but keeps touching you, seeking your closeness by rubbing his nose against your cheek. He is so close that the sunflowers are getting squished between you and him. It is a price you sadly have to pay in exchange for finally being able to be glued together.

“I’m so happy, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Kook. So like barbeque and beer? Is it a date?” you ask.

“It’s the datiest date that has ever dated”, he says, making you giggle because he is so cute and funny and you like him so, so much. He giggles with you because you are so perfect and perfect and perfect and he likes you so, so much.

“I feel like we have a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah, oh god.” He kisses your cheek multiple times. “You have to tell me all the thoughts you had when we hung out. Were you also so giddy, oh god, I was always so giddy and I kept looking at you because you are so pretty. Were you looking at me too? And, and did you also wish for me to be reckless? I always wanted you to just kiss me. I’m talking so much, wow, I’m so happy.”

You giggle, cuddling into him, “you’re the cutest person ever. I can’t wait to tell you everything.”

You nudge him to leave, but stop when Jungkook exclaims a loud “wait!”

“What’s wrong?”

“The groceries. I almost left them here”, he says, bending down to get them.

“Oh god, you’re so cute”, you snicker, hugging his arm and nuzzling into him like you always wanted to do.

[myusuchaa]

Ellis Twilight 2nd Birthday Event Story

The Shape of Happiness - Embraced by the Thorns of a Mad Love: Part 3 this is a fan translation. i do not own anything. Cybird has the right of ownership to all in-game content.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ

Ellis: Hey, Kate... how happy are you right now?

Such were the words that left his smiling face.

Even though I've heard this question asked many times before, right now felt like the first.

Ellis: I'm happy.

Ellis: Being with you, being able to dress you up in things I bought you.

Ellis: To be able to fill you with thoughts of my desires.

I'm sure he may do the same thing to anyone if it made them happy but...this is the first time he's given me so many presents out of his own will.

Kate: I'm very happy. Maybe more than you, I think.

Ellis: Ah, no. Right now, I'm the happiest. Because right now, I'm glad you are alive.

He steps closer, the twilight gleam chasing after his profile.

Ellis: I'll kill to make the happiest moments last forever. That thought will never change.

Ellis: But I am happy whenever I realize that you are alive.

Ellis: I'm sure... it must be because my happiness would not exist* without you.

His hand that caressed my cheek felt gentle and warm, but I also sensed something strange.

Those eyes, which had been sparkling in the twilight earlier, have now turned a dark shade of night.

Ellis: ... I wish we could stay in this moment, a place where no one will find us.

As night approaches, the color of his eyes deepens.

Kate: ... even though you won't see Jude and the other Crown members?

Ellis: Mm, I'd be a bit sad about that, but I think it would be fine as long as you're with me.

Sometimes, I feel anxious for no reason at all.

Ellis: Whenever I see you talking with someone else, I want to tear you away.

Ellis: I only want you to look at me. I don't want you to be made happy by anyone else.

Ellis: To hurt you, and being hurt by you... I only want it to be me.

(The fact that he cares so deeply... something about it makes me uneasy.)

I'm so happy now that I wouldn't want it to suddenly end some day.

Perhaps that thought is what made me so anxious all along.

Ellis: ...Kate?

I smelled the scent of lavender and looked up.

I could see the purple flowers in the flowerbed along the road, their petals swaying in the wind.

Kate: Lavender...

Ellis: Ah, it really is, in a place like this.

The flowers wet with dew reflected the twilight, shining like stars.

A beautiful moment.

Kate: ..As you mentioned, I do think I would be happy going somewhere, just the two of us.

(But...)

I take my eyes off the lavender and turn their gaze to him.

The darkening sky matched the color of his hair, making it look like he was blending into the twilight.

Kate: I like watching you work..

Kate: I enjoy watching all the Crown members talk happily amongst themselves in the lounge.

Kate: Because of that, I can't say I fully like the idea of going somewhere** only with you.

Kate: And I won't be able to see my favorite parts of you.

I took his paper bag in exchange for the one I was holding. As he tilted his head in curiosity, I then told him to open it and look inside.

Ellis: ...Stormglass?

Kate: It rained today, which changed our plans. Although it was fun, I thought it might be better to know what the weather would be like before we go out.

Stormglass, transparent liquid in a bottle, is a tool that can predict the weather based on the formation of crystals inside.

Kate: I thought if you had this, it would be easier to predict the weather.

Delicate white crystals were floating down the liquid like remnant snowflakes, leftover from the rain that just ended.

Kate: I understand you want to make our happiest moment last forever, but I'm looking forward to being with you tomorrow, to being happier with you.

Kate: Even if I get hurt, I don't want things to end without me tasting the happiness that lies ahead.

As his hands wrapped around the Stormglass, he muttered:

Ellis: .....

Ellis: The reason I keep clinging to you so is because I feel like one day you may simply disappear.

Kate: ..?

Ellis: I know I should look forward to tomorrow, but...

Ellis: I'm always worried that by the next time I wake, you'd be gone.

Ellis: That's why I always feel like I need to finish this quickly.

Ellis is truly here with me.

I thought these long vines adorned with thorns*** was only proof of his possessiveness, but-

-it seems all along, I had felt the same about him.

Kate: I've been thinking the same.

I wrapped my trembling hands around his, and the crystals in the bottom swayed softly from the movement.

(I'm sure this anxiety will never go away completely.)

Kate: That's why I want to keep things as they are, to know you're still with me.

Ellis: ..You're something else.

Kate: Oh?

Ellis: You really are. You can easily express the feelings I can't put to words.

It was the first time I saw such a shy smile on his face.

Ellis: I feel like I'm falling in love with you again.

He brought his lips closer to mine.

Kate: Mm...

--

I woke up to the morning sun.

(Ah, we fell asleep without our clothes on last night.)

As I felt embarrassed being vulnerable with him like this..

Kate: Ah..

I was pulled closer until we were skin to skin.

Kate: Ellis?

Ellis: ....

It's rare for him not to wake up even when I call his name.

The early summer breeze flows gently on the sheer curtains.

In the quiet morning, I tighten my embrace on him.

(...It seems like this moment is fleeting after all.)

Listening to his heartbeat, feeling his warmth - it's confirmation that he is still with me.

Kate: I love you, Ellis.

Kate: Stay by my side, always.

Perhaps because I could smile easily after saying that, I relaxed myself and felt sleepy again.

(It's still early... I can go back to sleep.)

When I close my eyes, the Stormglass that fills my vision tells me it will be a sunny day.

I felt the embrace of a pure and warm happiness.

<- Part 2 His POV Epilogue ->

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ

*when Ellis says it must be that his happiness does not exist without her, the literal translation comes from the word 成り立つ, which means to be made up of, consist of, or established by. so on top of kate making him happy, it implies she literally is his happiness, and he wouldn't feel true happiness at all without her.

**by saying "go somewhere", it really means double suicide

***long vines with thorns is used as a replacement for "thorny limbs", meaning his reach for her can be painful, trapping her, and references his curse

a/n: honestly, it's written so well.. the idea of the stormglass, and her ability to talk him through his emotions aaaah

[cosmickyeom]

seventeen, boyfriend headcanons ⋆ ﹕₊˚ things about dating xu minghao !

a/n: happiest of birthdays to seventeen's (and the universe's) one and only xu minghao! may he get more peaceful nights without seventeen keeping him up with karaoke! word count: 0.5k genre: fluff sincerity just drips from this man. when he asks about the minute details about your day, it's actually because he genuinely wants to know about it. he's an amazing listener. minghao knows that sometimes, his silence can be more comforting to someone than any arrangement of words he can string together. it's not common to receive someone's complete, undivided attention, but with minghao, it's a given whenever you're the one talking. with all his focus on you, it can get a bit nerve-wrecking when he's locking eyes with you through the entire duration of your shared conversation with each other, but when you see all the love that rests behind his eyes, suddenly it all doesn't seem so intimidating. with this in mind, you guys would have a night routine that would kick in the moment you're both under the covers and sharing each other's personal space. each night, there is always a couple of minutes dedicated to you two catching up, sharing what you're grateful for that day, etc. there's just something so comforting about being able to freely share your thoughts with the love of your life in the quiet space that you've created together. when it's all said and done, as he does every single night, he would tuck you against him and would thank the universe for bringing you two together, and despite his voice becoming heavy as he's being pulled into dreamland, you know he means it every time he says it. after being together for so long, the concept that your clothes are his to wear and his clothes are also yours to wear is one that has been long accepted in your shared household. there's no use in being sour over the fact that he took one of your oversized tees to wear, because he would be just as quick to point out that it was only the other day where you walked out wearing his jacket! at this point, whenever you catch each other wearing something that belongs to the other person, you'd get in each other's faces with knowing smiles and inquire where'd you get that cool shirt/sunglasses/hat? i bet the person who let you borrow it has PHENOMENAL taste in clothing. also, can you imagine doing try-on hauls with this man?! i can only imagine this being a strong tradition in your home. after any of you go shopping, a bottle of wine gets popped open, and you put on a fashion show for the other person. he's the kind of person who is able to transfer his strength and confidence in you through a single hug or with a simple squeeze of his hand around yours. he's the feeling of home when you're locked in his embrace. he's a warm mug that's filled with your favorite beverage that he wordlessly slides over to you as a sign of support while you're busy working on a project. he's the push to show up as your best self each and every day, and the steady presence you can always rely on to stand by you when you're too exhausted to show up for yourself. minghao is comfort, warmth, love, and peace all wrapped in one human being.

[lady-of-imladris]

CHAPTER 6 - PUNISH YOU

Synopsis: Thranduil and his Queen struggle with their new role as parents and with each other.

Word count: 2.5k

Pairings: Thranduil/OC

Warnings: slightly smutty? Mention of depression, disordered eating

Additional tags: spanking. I'm sorry. If pregnancy, childbirth or little kids in fanfiction are not your thing, don't worry, I am mostly brushing over it!

Link to the chapter overview

And maybe it's the past that's talking Screamin' from the crypt Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did So I justified it - The Great War (Taylor Swift)

The birth of Prince Legolas was the most joyful day of Thranduil’s entire reign. Every elf in the kingdom was celebrating for days. Anarríma was jealous of them. She had to remain in bed, recovering from childbirth while simultaneously caring for the child, and everyone else could simply dance and get drunk. Elrond had departed a few weeks after the birth, returning home to Celebrían and his sons, but as soon as word of the birth reached Loríen, Lord Celeborn jumped onto a horse and sped towards Thranduil’s realm.

The King was unsure about his feelings toward the child. Children had always made him feel a bit uneasy, they were so small and fragile. Everyone had always told him that it would be different with his own son, but they had all been wrong. Queen Anarríma felt the same way about their child, Thranduil could see it in her eyes when she looked at Legolas. They both loved their son dearly and either would gladly give up their life for him, but neither of them had any experience with raising babies.

When Lord Celeborn arrived, Thranduil could swear the light of the two trees illuminated his face. He was their saviour. Thranduil was finally able to return to running his kingdom, Ana was free to take as much time as she needed to recover, and both of them got enough sleep. Celeborn departed after well over a year. It was a sad day for all of them.

Over the years, the King and Queen grew more comfortable in their roles as parents and everyone would say that the little Prince was the happiest child there ever was. When his parents were holding court, he could often be found happily napping on the throne. His laughter filled the halls all day, but the little boy was also full of mischief. When the Lady Galadriel finally had the chance to visit her grandson, he smiled at her and reached his arms up towards her, only to yank on her long golden hair as she bent down to pick him up.

Queen Anarríma, who had taken frequent trips to Loríen before the birth of her child, found herself increasingly caged in her own home. She barely slept anymore, feeling restless all the time. The Queen had lost most of her appetite and nothing seemed to give her any joy. Thranduil had not noticed, he was too busy ruling the kingdom, the golden cage, in which he kept his golden Queen. One night, as she was picking at her dinner, she declared her intentions to Thranduil. “I will be going to Loríen for a few days. It is Ada’s birthday and I have not seen my parents in such a long time.” The king looked up from his dinner and regarded her with a puzzled expression. “No,” he stated curtly. The queen almost dropped her fork. “What?” “No,” he repeated.

“Thranduil I did not ask for your permission.” The King reclined in his chair. “You may not leave the forest. I forbid it.” Anarríma rose from her chair so furiously that it almost fell over as she pushed it back. “You cannot lock me in here. You have no right to keep me from leaving.” Thranduil rose as well, trying to keep his composure, he clasped his hands behind his back. “I can and I will. We have a son, you cannot just abandon him.” His tone of voice carried an accusation that left a bitter taste in Ana’s mouth.

“You were gone for an entire week last month,” she reminded him. Thranduil shrugged. “That is hardly the same.” “How is there any difference? We have an army of maids, Legolas would not need either of us,” Anarríma argued. The truth was, that the Queen tried not to let herself love her son. She couldn’t help it, he was her child, but she knew that Legolas should not need her, could not need her. One day she would be gone. Thranduil was silent for a moment as if he could hear her thoughts. “He needs you. Please, Ana. Don’t go.” Thranduil was tired of arguing. He left her standing there and went into the forest to clear his head. He did not return until the early hours of the morning, but Anarríma did not notice that. When Thranduil returned, she was gone.

Deep down in his heart, Thranduil knew that she had to go, but he was the King and he had commanded her to stay. And she had disobeyed him. He was furious. Angry at her, at himself, at the fact that he could not just simply come with her. Just the three of them visiting some family. Without the army of guards they had to bring along for safety reasons. He sighed deeply as he lay down on the bed, trying to get at least a few hours of sleep. Anarríma had left him a note. He let his fingers glide over the black ink. “Goheno nin,” it stated in her usual elegant script. Forgive me.

Ana had not been stopped by her maids when they saw her pack a few things. The guards in the stables had not stopped her either. Nor had those at the gates. She made it to Lothloríen undisturbed, except by her own thoughts. What would Thranduil do when he found out she was gone? Her husband was not merciful, she knew that very well. He was the kind to send people to his dungeons if they so much as looked at him funny, especially since the incident with the dragon. Leaving the kingdom against his will was much worse, but she was his wife. Even though she knew that he could not simply send his Queen to the dungeons, the thought did not calm her, on the contrary, it only unsettled her even more. Anarríma had no idea what would await her when she returned home.

Lord Celeborn’s birthday was a small gathering. Not even Elrond and Celebrían were there and the Lord and Lady were surprised to see their daughter arrive in the early morning hours. “Anarinya?” Celeborn approached his daughter warily. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in weeks. Tired, weak, haunted by something. Or maybe someone? “What are you doing here seldënya?” He wrapped his arms around her protectively. “Happy Birthday, Ada,” Ana murmured into her father’s shoulder. Celeborn chuckled softly. “We both know that’s not the only reason you came.” He pulled away and smiled softly at his daughter. “Come, let us go inside and have some breakfast, you look like you have not eaten in days.”

All troubles seemed forgotten back in the comfort of home. She had missed her parents more than she cared to admit. Breathing seemed easier here, where she was just Ana, not the Queen, not the King’s wife and not the Crown Prince’s mother. The food here did not make her nauseous. In Lasgalen, the mere thought of eating had made her break down crying more than once. She did not know why it happened and she did not know how to fix it. And Thranduil could never know, which is why she often told him that she had already eaten without him. Anarríma spent two entire days with her parents, walking the peaceful forest she had grown up in, but she knew she could not remain.

Thranduil had debated sending someone after her, even going himself had crossed his mind. But his wife had run away from him. She needed to make the decision to come back of her own free will. Thranduil tried to discreetly ask his wife’s maids about why she left so suddenly, finding himself shocked at their response. Since the birth of Prince Legolas, the Queen had been a ghost of her former self. Apparently, she had not returned her sister’s letters in many months, she had stopped doing anything except work. Sometimes, she wandered aimlessly through the halls of their home in the middle of the night. Thranduil was furious at himself. He had not noticed any of it. How would she ever choose to come back to him if he had been so neglectful?

When Thranduil’s guards came rushing in one evening to tell him that the Queen had returned, he dropped everything and ran. He almost spooked the horse as he came to a halt, just in time to grab his wife by her waist as she dismounted. “You’re home!” he exclaimed excitedly, still hugging her from behind, burying his face in her neck. “You’re not angry at me for running away?” Ana asked, slightly ashamed of the way she had left him. Thranduil chuckled and swept his wife off her feet, carrying her off to their chambers. “Would it be easier for you if I were angry with you?” Anarríma let her head fall against his shoulder and sighed. “Yes, I think it would.” Thranduil was silent until they were behind closed doors. He knew that his beloved wife was struggling and he did not know how to help her.

He cleared his throat. “Your parents are well?” Ana nodded. “That is good to hear,” Thranduil continued, “and you had time to take care of yourself for a few days? You have slept? Eaten something?” The queen looked up at her husband in shock. Had he known all that time? As if he could read her mind, Thranduil shook his head. “Your maids told me a few days ago. I am so sorry, Ana. I should have known, I should have done something to help you,-” “Don’t,” she interrupted him, her voice shaky. “Please stop.” Thranduil gently cupped her cheek and tilted her face upwards, carefully wiping the tears away with his thumb.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The king sounded heartbroken. Another thing that was her fault. She closed her eyes and the tears fell silently on her cheeks. “You already have an entire kingdom to take care of. I thought that I could fix this, thought that I could fix me. But I can’t, Thranduil.” When his wife started sobbing uncontrollably, Thranduil felt more helpless than ever before. So he just wrapped his arms around his wife and held her. Time seemed to stop around them. The king did not know how long they stood there. It could have been minutes, hours, days even. Anarríma calmed down slowly.

Thranduil’s mind was racing. Ever since their altercation at dinner, things had not been good. They did not usually disagree on matters quite so intensely and he had a feeling that their usual method of resolving conflicts would not work this time. This was not a problem they could just ignore that would eventually go away on its own. A new solution needed to be found so they could put this behind themselves for good. The king was softly stroking his wife’s hair when he decided to tell her about his solution. “I cannot let your disobedience go unpunished.”

Anarríma wrestled herself out of his grasp abruptly. “What?” Thranduil looked at her as if nothing were amiss. “I am the king. You disobeyed my orders to remain here.” “You intend to throw me into the dungeons?” Thranduil huffed a laugh. “Of course not, you are my queen, it would be unseemly. But I must punish you somehow. Bend over my desk.” He turned his back to his wife, who was still processing what he had just said. She was still standing in the middle of the room, staring off into nothing as he brushed the neatly stacked mountains of paper off his desk in one smooth motion.

The noise made Ana jump and turn to him. He just stood there, looking at her expectantly, holding out his hand for her to take. Anarríma hesitated. Would this be it? Thranduil’s solution to their problem, never to be mentioned again? It was worth a try, she decided, stepping forward and taking his hand, letting him lead her to his desk. Anarríma felt her hands shaking as she gripped the edge of the desk, digging her nails into the wood as one of Thranduil’s hands applied pressure between her shoulder blades, forcing her to lay down, face pressed against the cold surface of the desk.

“Count them for me,” he commanded icily. Anarríma was still too frozen to say anything as she felt the cool air hit her legs as the King moved her dress out of the way, bunching it up around her waist. She almost jumped as she felt the warmth of Thranduil’s palm against her backside, gently caressing her. Her reaction made him chuckle cruelly. Torturing her was too easy. “Do you have anything to say for yourself before we begin?” he taunted. Was he seriously expecting her to apologize to him again? Ana refused and before she was able to adjust to the absence of the comforting weight of his hand, it was replaced by a sharp sting that made her wince. “One,” the Queen whispered.

He seemed to become harsher as her punishment went on, Anarríma thought. Or maybe it was the precision of every slap landing on exactly the same spot broken up by his gentle caresses that caused the intensifying pain. It was amid the counting and the yelps and gasps she attempted to hold back that Anarríma realised that the tears running down her cheeks were not the only thing that was wet. It felt wrong to be turned on by this. As if her body was betraying her. “One more,” Thranduil’s voice brought her back into the moment, “you’re doing so good for me.” The pain of the final slap felt good, the Queen decided. Still, she would never admit it out loud.

“Ten,” she finished her counting, attempting to push herself off the desk, but finding herself being pushed back down. “Not so fast,” Thranduil scolded. “But you said-” “I know what I said, there is just something I need to check first.” Just as the Queen was about to ask him what he meant, she felt his hand slide between her thighs. Shit. There was no way of hiding it from him anymore. He wiped his fingers on her thigh and allowed her to rise, grabbing her waist to turn her around. She was blushing furiously, looking down at her feet, letting the skirt of her dress fall again, pretending to smooth out the wrinkles.

“Ana,” Thranduil drew out the first syllable of her name, “did you enjoy your punishment?” The Queen did not know how to react, choosing to simply continue feigning interest in her clothes. He hooked a finger under her jaw, tilting up her face until she met his penetrating gaze. She shook her head slowly, causing him to grin maliciously. “Liar.” Anarríma finally let out the giggles she had been holding back, taking a small step forward and resting her head against her husband’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head atop hers. “Do you think we’ll be alright?” she whispered after a while, almost inaudibly. Thranduil sighed contently. “Of course we will.”

Please consider reblogging or leaving a comment <3

I'm so sorry for the long wait! I literally hate summer so I have been suffering! And also whenever I don't have anything to do for university, I just end up doing nothing. Don't ask me what I did the last two months because I literally cannot tell you. Anyways. I can't promise it's getting better anytime soon, but I will certainly try my best!

Everything Taglist: @fenharel-enaste @nevermcre TGW Taglist: @queenmeriadoc @spnbandwagon1019 @somebirdortheother @hc-geralt-23 @legendary-maddie @vellichormybeloved @bookflowersnerd

You can join my taglist here <3

[he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle]

Plz send halp.

I have fallen down a MewTul rabbit hole and I can't get out.

Things Mew has said about his faen:

~Has blood type O (Tul's blood type is O)

~Lives in NYC (Tul lives in NYC)

~Was with him at New Year's (Tul was with him over New Year's)

~Is currently not active in the entertainment industry (Tul has retired to finish grad school)

~Thai reporters probably already know his faen (Tul is already known to Thai reporters)

~Does not like or play football (Tul hates football)

~Have met each other's parents (They've obviously met each other's parents)

~Is sulking because Mew is slow to answer his phone (Tul has several times, quite publicly on social media, sulked over Mew not answering his calls)

~The most expensive thing he bought his faen was a bag worth 100,000 baht (He bought Tul a Bottega Veneta bag worth 100,000 baht)

~His faen sent him a video of them singing Blood Type B in English that day (earlier that same day Tul posted then deleted a video of himself singing Blood Type B in English to his IG Stories, ie he probably meant to DM it to someone or filter who saw it)((THIS IS VERY SPECIFIC AND WHAT ARE THE CHANCES))

~He's traveled abroad with his faen (Mew and Tul have been to both Vietnam and NYC together)

~Their love blossomed while filming Ocean Eyes (Tul also worked on Ocean Eyes)

~They don't announce their relationship but they don't hide it either. They go out in public together and it's fine if fans see them together. (Fans have spotted Tul and Mew together many times, and they both appear in each other's and other's IG stories often. Meanwhile, there aren't any consistent fan sightings of Mew with anyone else.)

Things that make me go hmmm:

Mew has twice called Tul his "baby" in English.

Mew has said his happiest memory is in Chiang Mai (he and Tul just went there together over New Year's).

When at the hotel together in Vietnam over Christmas, Mew shared an IG story of the hotel's pianist and violinist performing Perfect by Ed Sheeran with the note that he had been the one to make the request. (Odd request for dinner entertainment with your bro, not so odd if you're with your faen.) Later Tul shared an IG story of a pic of NYC skyline with a clip of Ed Sheeran's Perfect playing over it. Mew later posted a throwback photo dump from Vietnam on his IG and in the pic from the Regent resort gym, you can see Tul reflected in the mirror as the person snapping the pic. Fans also have pics of them in the hotel together. And yet despite all this proof they were in Vietnam together, Tul posted a photo dump of NYC Christmas pics to make it seem like he wasn't there. Why the subterfuge?

Mew repeatedly posts to and tags an IG account (@growaswegoooooooo) with romantic language "You complete me. I complete you. We complete each other." "I'm already missing you" etc. The account was created during Mew's trip to visit Tul in NYC last October. None of the pics have selfies in them, but they are most often of places he and Tul have been together. Like Vietnam over Christmas, Chiang Mai over New Year's, and even NYC during October. He even posted pics of an overnight stay at a small B&B in Cold Spring, NY that were taken on Tul's birthday with pics of Tul's Bday cake (the one he posted himself holding a week later with the semi-nude IG pics) and a flower bouquet (how many bros buy bouquets for their bros on their birthdays?? while staying at quaint, secluded upstate B&Bs?? and apparently doing an almost nude photo shoot together??). In another pic, the account's "where we had our first brunch together in Chiang Mai" pics showed the table set up from Tul's POV, and Mew posted the table set up from his POV with a bit of Tul's shirt and arm in it on his primary IG story, and fans had pics of the two of them at that restaurant wearing those exact clothes. The mystery IG account is clearly run by Mew and heavily features Tul while not actually showing either of them.

If Mew's faen lives in NYC and isn't Tul, why did Mew spend Tul's entire winter break with him in Vietnam and Chiang Mai? Why not spend the holidays with his faen?

If Mew's faen isn't Tul, who else was 1) with him while filming Ocean Eyes, 2) famous enough that Thai reporters would know them, 3) no longer currently active in the entertainment industry, 4) also living in NYC, 5) also with him over New Year's in Chiang Mai, and 6) type O blood? That's just too many coincidences stacked on top of each other. You could argue it was an Ocean Eyes crew member from NYC who is also friends with Tul, but why would Thai reporters know a random set employee?

If Mew's faen isn't Tul, why create that secondary IG account using romantic language and tie it so closely to Tul?

If Mew's faen isn't Tul, then what's with all these weirdly specific answers that only apply to Tul? If they were an onscreen couple I'd immediately dismiss it all as fan service, but they have NOTHING TO PROMOTE together. They're clearly good friends in the very least, but he's got to know how his answers sound.

What is going on??

[darkpersonapeace]

20 questions for writers

I was tagged by my other half @wingsofescape for this and it sounds fun! (thank you babe, you made my shitty day a little better)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

28 (I had to open my ao3 and check because, oh boy, since when I write that much?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

274,269 (just found out there is a thing call "Statistics" so I don't have to count them one by one, ao3 is awesome)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly FMA! Very much Ed and Winry in different worlds but also, some cannon because FMA lives in my heart and mind, rent free, since I first watched fifteen years ago. I also wrote 2 fica for Arcane and 1 fic for The Witcher (but this one was a birthday gift)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

resting on a knife, you heavy souls - 793 kudos (Arcane)

it's called home - 312 kudos (FMA)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to! I used to answer all of them and I love love comments and discuss about fics, but since last year I am emotionally unable to reply to the amazing comments I get! Maybe someday I'll return replying comments, but right now, I am loving to write the stories and just enjoy this bit.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think it's mercy, my love, or I'll crumble (FMA) because it's the only time I wrote a bittersweet/angst with no happy ending story.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happiest ending? Pretty much all my fics, but if I'd to choose one, I'd say it's you drew stars around my scars because it ends with one of the best kissing scenes I ever wrote and:

Edward smirks, the light reaching his eyes. 

"I think that’s okay," He links their fingers and stares at her, his eyes shining, like the young man he has always been. "My heart has always been yours, anyway." 

or maybe war tangles the strings that binds us because there's is ANGST in there but in the end, they kind of end up together:

"You said prophecies always come to life. And the prophecy said Ed — the heir of the sun — would conquer the moon." 

Pianko hums and looks ahead. He follows her eyesight again and sees, like a secret spectator, the palpable love in front of them. 

Old Granny smiles again when Edward holds her granddaughter's hand, his fingers traveling against her cheek while Winry smiles the happiest smile Pinako has ever seen.

Pinako smiles wisely. "I think he already has." 

OR it's my canon au where Ed is a stay at home dad who ends up (unnoticed) adopting a young girl to teach her alchemy in keep your little heart warm:

"I saw you talking before, you are an alchemist, right?" The man says, pointing at Edward. "And a teacher?" 

Edward frowns for a moment, before staring at Amelia. She just raises her brows, challenging him to answer for real this time – he never does, he jests, dodges the question, leaves them talking about, but never an answer – but he just smiles, fondly at her. 

Edward takes a step closer, rubbing Amelia's head in the same fatherly way he does since she was ten. "Nah, I'm just a stay at home dad." 

So, yeah. Maybe all of them?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Hmmm, sometimes. I deleted all the comments but I did receive like two or three angry comments but it was very clear they were sexist and just stupid, so I ignore them.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh, boy. Oh, BOY. DO I WRITE SMUT? so so, hear me out: it wasn't my plan to write that MUCH SMUT in my life, but as it turns out, here we are. I do very much write smut. A lot of it. Almost filthy smut, some may say.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope, never did and don't think I will.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Ah... I don't think so?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I translate my all the time because English is not my first language lol

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Mentally? All the time. @woahpip and @wingsofescape are the greatest writers in this place and they always help my write stuff.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Oh, boy. Definitely Edward and Winry, but I do have some others that I will never write about.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

The bodyguard au prequel! I wrote ten pages of that already, I'd love to finish but I don't think I will.

16. What are your writing strengths?

None? ASDABSBJHJH kidding, okay. Maybe write from the heart? I try to make my characters, in any universe, as human as possible. More than once I find myself rethinking dialogues because "no no, that person wouldn't answer like that, that's too fast". And perhaps the ability to write smut in a tender way? I focus more on what the characters are feeling than on the act itself.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

No matter how much I try, I'll never portray exactly what I want in my stories because language is a huge barrier. I understand English and I can write but I don't feel English, it's different. And grammar mistakes? Only writing when my brain wants to? Idk, there's a bunch.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

LMAAAAAO, read the other answers, sometimes it's very easy! Sometimes it sucks because I don't feel the other language like I can feel mine (Babel Tower, I fucking hate you)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

FMA <3

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Oh, boy. Canon FMA Brotherhood, I'd say you drew stars around my scars. Alternative Universe? Right now, the bodyguard au, welcome to my cage, little lover

this was so FUN! <3 I'm tagging here @woahpip, @emmagency and anyone who wants to!

[gnomeyflamingo]

✮ Regaining Confidence ✮

And (finally) we return to the same room we left Atreo in, around 3 sim days ago...

Brielle: “Atreo? Sweetie?”

Atreo: *depressed silence*

Brielle: “I know you’re struggling sweetie but you can’t stay in your room forever… It’s Acco’s birthday party today, it would mean a lot to him if you could be there-”

Atreo: “Go away Mum. I can’t face the world without Asmara.”

Brielle: “But you haven’t broken up, or argued, or even talked since-”

Atreo: “I know what I did to her. I cheated on her even though I said I never would. I wasn’t strong enough-”

Brielle: *sighs* “Oh sweetie… Can you at least have a shower?”

Atreo: “No, it’s all too much.”

Alejandro: "Atreo's still not coming out of his room?"

Brielle: "No. By the Watcher, it can’t be a moodlet issue right? We don’t even grieve our departed loved ones this long. Could he be glitched?”

Alejandro: "Maybe? My turn to try I guess.”

Brielle: “Good luck honey."

Alejandro: *knocks* “Atreo, it’s me, Papi, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but I’m still coming in no matter what you say.”

Atreo: “Ugghhhh no just let me be.”

Alejandro: “Oof, it smells SO bad in here-”

Atreo: *sarcastically* “Thanks Alejandro.”

Alejandro: “Buddy, we’re all worried about you, please talk to me.”

Atreo: “Fine. I messed up and now my life’s ruined.”

Alejandro: “It can’t be as bad as all that…”

Atreo: “But it is! I cheated on Asmara with Derya and I then turned one of the Watcher’s friends into a dragon toy.”

Alejandro: “Uhm okay, is that teenage slang for something or-?”

Atreo: “No, I was rude to her in my dream and she turned into a dragon toy! And then the Watcher and their other friend cursed me.” *sobs*

Atreo: “Right… You’re definitely going through a lot-”

Atreo: “Yes! And nobody understands! I’m all alone, just screwing up everything!”

Alejandro: “You’re not alone. Your family’s here and we love you.”

Alejandro: “So the Watcher, what do they want from you exactly?”

Atreo: “For me to complete my aspiration!”

Alejandro: “And you don’t want to?”

Atreo: "I used to at but then Asmara became my gf and now... I don't know anymore."

Alejandro: “You need to trust yourself buddy. Fight your doubts. You’re a self assured romantic! Go out there and convince Asmara that you want to work on your relationship, or ask her to be just friends for now while you figure things out.”

Alejandro: “You’re still a teen. Being confused and finding yourself are all part of your life stage.”

Atreo: “That’s…Good advice actually. Thanks Papi.”

Alejandro: “Was that ironic or-”

Atreo: “No, I meant it.”

Alejandro: “I am the happiest sim in the world right now."

A little later downstairs…

Acco: “I don’t get why Atreo’s depressed? Did Asmara catch him cheating?”

Brielle: “Nope.”

Acco: “So…Uh why is he sad?”

Brielle: “Your Papi said he isn’t glitched and the Watcher cursed him, so I assume it’s all part of a story arch.”

Atreo: *sigh* “I’m here.”

Alejandro: “What a relief!”

Brielle: “Oh thank goodness. Remember to be nice to your brother Acco.”

Acco: “Don’t worry Mum, we bonded over collective trauma.”

Alejandro: “Did the shower and changing out of your 3-day old nightwear make you feel a bit better?”

Atreo: “I guess so… I’m still upset but you were right, I’m a self assured romantic. It’s time to act on my traits and moodlets. I also ran out of days I can be off school.”

Brielle: “I’m happy you’ve come downstairs sweetie, I was worried sick. Do you need anything? A moodlet solver? A happy potion? I have SO many reward points.”

Atreo: “No thanks Mum, I’ll be okay.”

Alejandro: “Happy birthday sunshine. You excited about your party at the Pier?”

Acco: “I am!”

Atreo: “Yeah happy birthday accomplished stink bottom. May your party suck less than mine.”

Acco: “Really? You’re starting with the name calling again? I thought we were good now!”

Atreo: “We are! I’m using it as an affectionate tease. Believe me, I no longer blame you for the problems in my life. It’s all the Watcher and their annoying friends' fault”

Acco: “Okay…”

Brielle: “Woah sweetie, dial back the Watcher blame please.”

Atreo: “I don’t care anymore. I’m following Papi’s advice and I’ve decided I’m now very confident.”

Alejandro: “Papi… Still music to my soul.”

Acco: “Can we go to my Pier party soon? I’m starving!”

Brielle: “Here take this gift from the magical pile first, I wonder what it’ll be this time.”

Acco: “Hope it’s not dog poo again, I won’t be particularly happy about it.”

Atreo: “Wh-What is that dragon toy doing here? I sold it, I know I did!”

*Dragon toy stares in silent, sinister judgement*

Brielle: “Huh? But that’s Spicy Dragon!”

Acco: “He’s losing it.”

Atreo: “Omw no! Papi, I told you about this, it’s one of the Watcher’s friends!”

Alejandro: “Don’t be silly buddy, you’ve had Spicy D since you were a baby!”

Atreo: *mutters in growing terror* “What kind of dark mind bending magic is this- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

*family hovers and T-poses*

Atreo: “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Alejandro: “Buddy are you okay?!”

Brielle: “Sweetie can you tell us why you’re suddenly cowering in abject horror?”

Acco: “What’s happening? Did you get a fear of birthday décor or something?”

Atreo: “Oh no THIS is the curse isn’t it? How… Annoying!”

To be continued...

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❧ Back to the Legacy Archive

[starkcanvas]

Oh you want Sunny Coma Au Fluff? Well you're gonna get it!

I had a few ideas for how the incident might play out, but I'm gonna go for the less angsty one so Mari gets love and support during this tough time even though she blames herself.

Basically the incident happens how it does in Canon, but with one major difference, Sunny jumps down and grabs onto Mari when she falls, and ends up taking the brunt of the damage and (Without realizing it, saves Mari's life), falls into a coma.

Basil sees this happen, but Mari doesn't see him, He runs and calls an ambulance for him and hides in a panic.

A couple of weeks after this happens Aubrey and Kel stop fighting and team up to make their friends feel better.

Their first target? Basil.

Ever since the incident he hasn't stepped foot outside, so they go visit to check up on him, His grandma is worried about him too so she lets them in and goes to make some snacks for the kids.

It takes a bit, but eventually Basil opens up the door, He looks terrible, like he's been crying and hasn't slept.

So they both end up hugging him and trying to reassure him that "We're sure Sunny will be fine! He may be small! But he's tough!"

After calming down and having something to eat, Basil takes them both to his room and tells them he has to tell them something.

He ends up telling them what he saw on the night, but not what he heard as it was less than flattering to Mari, and he didn't want to upset them anymore than they were already. Plus it was pretty personal and not exactly his place to say

So the kids end up with the view that "The situation is terrible, but Sunny tried his best to protect his sister, So lets try to cheer her up!"

All three of them then go to Hero and try to bring him into the "Sunny and Mari Protection Squad".

So unlike in Canon, Hero isn't in a giant depressive slump because of Mari's 'Suicide'.

He's still depressed because his Unofficial little brother is in a coma and his crush is very much not ok.

They gang up on him when he gets home from trying (And failing) to talk to Mari.

They tell him what Basil Saw and try to convince him to join them.

It works and there's a new member to the "Sunny and Mari Protection Squad".

They work together to try and talk to Mari and let her know that they're on her side and don't blame her for the accident, but this doesn't happen for years due to Mari locking herself inside and being tutored instead of continuing in school.

The attempts still happen, but it calms down over the years as they get demotivated.

One thing they always do though is visit Sunny in hospital.

Basically they'd take turns visiting him after school and they'd spend an hour of two on the weekends either drawing, reading, telling stories, or playing games in there with him because they don't want him to be lonely.

On his birthday they all Help Hero bake a cake and get him some presents so they can celebrate it with him, but also so he'd have gifts when he wakes up.

So one thing I've mentioned before on Miko's blog is that Sunny would be in Mari's Headspace, even when she's awake. But he's also at least semi aware of what's going on around him. So when he's in there he hears the stories, them talking with each other and celebrating. Not only that but any drawing they make for him shows up in there too.

While they never see him really react to them. They do feel a sense of peace after spending time with Sunny and he's always happiest in Headspace during these visits.

I have a lot more ideas, but this ask is already getting long enough so I'll send in more later if you want them! I have a bunch of wholesome Basil Centric ones, and a ton more post good ending ones!

💕💕YESSSSS ALL OF THE WHOLESOME 💕💕

Thank you for this and I’d love to hear more ;w; I wanna join the Sunny and Mari Protection Squad too! 💕

[fox-buried-in-maple-leaves]

mai tai to whiskey sour for laz and zombie to daiquiri for ellie :3

Ask Game!

[ mai tai ] if they could have any superpower in the world, what would they choose?

Lazarus would enjoy having Essokinesis. The ability to manipulate or alter reality and the laws that bind it. Given it's upbringing, or rather lackof, it makes sense. [ white russian ] what would they do if they won the lottery?

Give it to it's family, it has no need for the lottery, it's dead. [ grasshopper ] what / who would they dress up as for halloween?

Uh depends on the time? Would probably do what Eleazar wants to do. But also, please imagine it dressed as Joan Jett in the 80s/90s. [ tequila sunrise ] how would they spend their perfect day?

Mm sleeping in the sun. Undisturbed. At peace. It died during a war, it has watched the effects of that war play out. It wants a break. A perfect day is just a break. [ californication ] what do they think is their greatest achievement in life?

Ummm it died when it was like, at max, 10. So.. Nothing!! It never had time to achieve anything, it couldn't even survive. [ caipirinha ] if they could change one thing about themself, what would it be?

Probably the whole being dead thing. [ painkiller ] what is their greatest regret?

Hiding from it's family for as long as it did. Lazarus couldn't stand the idea of them seeing it. so they didn't, until it messed up. [ moscow mule ] if they could travel through time, where would they go?

Ancient Greece!! When Lazarus was alive, it was very interested in Ancient Greece. [ dry martini ] what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to them?

Uhm being murdered I guess. But one time it went to jump up on a counter to watch its family and knocked a bowl on the ground. It wasn't visible to the family, so it was kinda awkward when everyone stared at it but couldn't see it. [ tom collins ] which living person would they most want to meet?

REALLY depends on time?? Nobody off the top of my head?? It doesn't really care. [ greyhound ] if they could have a dinner with just one person ( dead or alive ) who would they choose?

Eleazar. [ planter's punch ] how long does it take to befriend them?

Almost impossible. Once its close to its brother again, its a bit easier if you're friends with Ellie first. But still hard. [ sangria ] do they have any special routines they follow every single day? if yes, which?

Its duty I guess. [ whiskey sour ] what is the biggest lie they ever told someone?

That it never came back. Lazarus didn't really lie! Just withheld the truth.. For like.. a decade almost.

[ zombie ] do they believe in life after death?

That's so mean to ask of him. Anyways, yes. Because of his upbringing, Eleazar holds no love to those above him in the hierarchy, however. Too often has death and destruction been allowed for the design. Life after death is a curse to him, one granted to those he couldn't care less for. [ margarita ] what are their biggest pet peeves?

He hates the sound of metal on metal. [ mojito ] what is one goal they are working towards?

A college education :) [ appletini ] who do they consider the most important person in their life? why?

His parents, after his twin died, all he had was his parents. [ cosmopolitan ] what is their happiest memory ever?

When he was five and for their birthday his mom made this huge strawberry cake. [ gin tonic ] who influenced them the most?

The war probably. [ bloody mary ] what would they do if they only had one week left to live?

Say goodbye, properly. Make sure everyone he loves knows they are loved. [ manhattan ] where would they like to travel the most?

Dude the cold war is happening he ain't know right now?? Probably Japan, that seems like a cool place. [ old fashioned ] what would their adult self tell their kid self if they could go back in time?

Not to trust anybody. Money and violence changes people. And the only people you can rely on are yourself. [ blue lagoon ] how do they typically react when faced with something they fear?

Eleazar flees. He's always fled, his twin always fought. There is a reason one died and one did not. [ sidecar ] what type of person are they most likely drawn to?

Confident, sure of themself. [ negroni ] what is one piece of advice they would give others?

Enjoy life. [ hurricane ] which song describes them the most? why?

(Fun fact, Vanishing by Madame Macabre for Lazarus)

Anyways Regardless! "Sometimes I feel I am blinded by what's haunting me inside Close the door, block connections to my heart."

"So please don't lean on me I wear my heart upon my sleeve I can't take anymore sadness But I'll be there regardless."

"I don't want to gain attachment to those who hurt me in the end Learn to separate the bad times from the good A million colours fly in front of me Too many to bear to choose I'm only young, but old enough to carry through."

[ sex on the beach ] what do they consider red flags in a relationship?

Eleazar isn't really sure! He hasn't had those experiences yet. All he knows is his own parent's relationship, and they're perfect to him. [ mimosa ] which incident shaped them the most?

It is well established there have been multiple incidents of forces wiping out sorcerer life (and finalism as a whole). The war taking his twin from him before they could grow up shaped who he is. Who he'll always be. [ long island iced tea ] if they had the chance to redo their life, what would they do differently the second time around?

He'd make his twin flee too. [ mint julep ] which was their dream job as a kid?

Eleazar wanted to be a historian lol [ singapore sling ] how do they react to disappointments?

He just keeps on going on! He's gotta. [ alexander ] what would they do with one million dollars / euros / pounds / whatever currency they use?

Eleazar would buy his parents a better house and get into a good university in England. [ screwdriver ] which habit do they wish they could get rid of?

He twists his hair when hes nervous, it results in strands falling out. [ gin fizz ] do they consider a glass half-full or half-empty?

Half full! (lying) [ aperol spritz ] which is one thing they still think about a lot?

A lot of negative memories. But he thinks about his neighbour growing up. She'd always keep their ball if it got into her yard.. [ piña colada ] how do they show affection?

Physically and verbally. Almost overbearing? He needs his feelings to be known. [ swimming pool ] what is the most important lesson they've learned in recent years?

Same as before, that money and violence changes people, often for the worst. [ b52 ] how would they describe themselves in as few words as possible?

Kind and open and very clumsy. [ daiquiri ] do they believe in true love? why or why not?

He thinks so.

[dreamisols]

permission ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

—your boyfriend has a cute but questionable habit —wc: 1,140 ; sleepy proofread —fluff, birthday fluff, rin is (squeezes him gently), some personal headcanons, and slight younger rinnie personality headcanons —mimi's ramble: happiest birthday to rin itoshi my boy uee i love him so much <3 also halfway into writing this i realized how soft i always make him but i'd gladly ramble about that too

it's been well over a year into your relationship with rin itoshi.

and at this juncture, you could say that he's opened up to you about nearly everything. it took time, and you were as patient as ever in his eyes. he showed you everything about himself: the good, the bad, what he wants to be, and who he used to be. you can't be fooled by his grumpy persona and harsh body language, not when he finally bared his whole raw heart for you to hold and love. you two knew practically everything about each other.

which might be why you noticed rin slowly picking up some of his old habits from childhood.

for instance, he'd wake you up sometimes from your summer midday naps to offer going out and buying some popsicles from a convenience store nearby to battle the afternoon heat. despite your lazy protests, you'd drag your feet and go with him. and you'd watch as his teal eyes carefully scan the selection of icy treats inside the freezer despite knowing he'd always grab the blue twin pops.

another is when he'd take you to aquariums for dates more often. he once told you in passing that his brother used to love taking him to aquariums when they both couldn't sit and overlook the beach. and now because of how frequently you two have dates there, you two are practically regarded as regulars by the employees (they've joked to rin once about how he should propose to you in one of their scenic spots in the future; rin choked on the water he was drinking).

but the most prominent one is how rin would have this mindless habit of asking permission for the most no-brainer, useless, and quite frankly, idiotically endearing things.

you didn't question it at first. they were honestly all reasonable things to ask from someone who's in a relationship for the first time. albeit he was extremely awkward the first few times around, with him struggling to get the words out, you eventually got used to his small requests and questions.

a small "may i come in?" after every time he knocks on your door whenever he's over at your place.

a shy offer of "do you want me to brush your hair?" when he notices you dozing off a bit after a fresh evening shower.

even a "is it alright if i stay out late with the team?" text once every blue moon whenever he's dragged to their shenanigans (completely against his will).

rin may be struggling with socializing and understanding others' social cues well enough, but mama itoshi didn't raise a disrespectful boy.

you really haven't paid much attention to this habit of his until his birthday.

"i... i can do anything with you..?" rin questions, almost in disbelief. nodding, you parrot his words back, "yep! it's your special day today, so everything's your call!"

"anything...?" he asks again. and like earlier, you nod once more.

there was a beat of silence that accompanied the shocked look rin gave you.

"obviously, everything within reason..!" you cough nervously, afraid rin might've gotten the wrong idea or got too pressured by your supposed surprise, "we also don't have to go out or anything... like i said, whatever you-"

"can... we hold hands...?"

you stop your frantic rambling when your mind processed his words. your gaze is directly at him, but he's staring at the ground like he finally discovered something groundbreaking. the way he spoke sounded as if he was in utter disbelief. it was like if his crush told him that they liked him back, or like he was told that he won the grand prize of something big.

which is confusing.

"y-yes we can?" you quirk one of your brows with a rather unsure smile, "we often hold our hands together, rinnie. we even interlock fingers."

your boyfriend still has that dumb surprised look casted on the wooden floor, "oh.. yeah..."

you were about to question the tone of his voice when he perks up so suddenly and goes on a tangent,

"can we wear matching scarfs when we go out, then? it's practical for the temperature. can we use the one you bought us... that one with the sanrio dog you said reminded you of me because of soccer— pochacco?"

he sits upright and looks up at you with eyes filled with so much anticipation that you can't bear to look away, "we can wear that, right?"

you nod again, "yes rinnie, we can wear that out. like you said, it's cold anyways-"

your excited boyfriend cuts you off once more, like an overly excited child, "if it's cold, can we cuddle? oh, maybe we can also get a mini cake from the bakery nearby? or better yet a parfait— can we share? i don't like overly sweet food..." he gasps softly, like he's struck with the most genius idea, and looks up at you once more for permission.

"can i kiss you..? but.. like, a lot-"

you finally squish his cheeks to stop his mouth from blabbering more and more words that make you both want to squeal at his cuteness and shake him like a dog does with a chew toy because of how annoyingly stupidly adorable he is.

"rin itoshi." the man sits straight at the use of his full name. "i love you with all my heart but oh my god if you ask permission from me for yet another stupid thing i might kiss you and or muffle you with the couch pillow." as if for good measure that your point gets across, you flick rin's forehead softly.

"you know that you're free to spoil yourself, match anything with me, and indulge in any form of affection you're comfortable with." you leave a soft kiss on his cheek, which elicits a gasp from your boyfriend.

"so no more of these useless questions, okay?"

rin nods three times, still looking at you with all the love in the world. your black cat of a boyfriend has magically morphed into this puppy of a man, you can practically envision his imaginary tail wagging from excitement. but you don't mind this side of rin—the side of his that allows his inner emotions, his inner youth run free. if anything, it's a testament to how much he's grown comfortable with you.

your lips form a small smile, your eyes reflect all your love back at him.

just as you were about to change the topic, you catch his teal eyes drift to your lips, back up to your eyes, then down to the floor.

three seconds pass.

"can we-" "you just want the kiss on the lips, don't you?"

if it results in more opportunities for kisses, then yes, he doesn't mind asking all these stupid nonsensical questions.

likes and reblogs are appreciated, but please don’t copy or repost my work!

[nako-doodles]

to the only 10 in the world, may you have an extraorjinary day

[obeiii-mee]

Mammon being greedy and constantly hoarding things away from all the others makes sense. That whole ‘scummy second born’ characteristic he has is what defines him as a demon and as a character. He’s the Embodiment of Greed. He does this shit all the time. The stealing, the lying, the gambling- all of it! Even his brothers seem to be under the impression that he doesn’t care about anyone else but himself. Which is just wrong, to put it in simple terms. Mammon does a lot for his family; they just fail to realise that.

Quite a few of the limited edition figurines and anime DVDs sitting on Levi’s shelf are from him, y’know? He made it seem like it was no big deal, that he found them lying around on the ground and he just happened to stumble across them and, out of the generosity of his own heart, handed them to his brother who was obviously excited to receive this kind of rare equipment. And the third born believed him because that sounds like a Mammon thing to do, since why else would he have such precious possessions within his reach? And give it to him no less, when he could’ve sold them for a lot of money??? In truth, Mammon probably went into debt trying to win these things and proceeded to spend weeks trying to get his hands on at least one so he could give the damn toy to his brother already. As an early birthday gift or something, idk what excuse he had in mind because he still has a reputation to uphold so he can’t be caught being a softie now, ya hear?!

Satan woke up with a cat in his room once. No tag, no owner. He swore that was the happiest day of his life simply because this random baby kitten found its way into his mess of a bedroom and he decided it was fate that such a wonderful thing were to happen. It took a while for Lucifer to agree but eventually he had to give in because Satan was being persistent, so he agreed on the condition that it’s just ONE cat and he better not come home to find a million of them sitting in the living room. Yeah, Mammon brought him that cat. He found it on the streets, in an empty alleyway or something, thought Satan might find it cute and then just…brought it home, I guess. And afterwards, he sneaked it into his brother’s room and pretended to act surprised the next day when its discovery was announced. He was also the one to convince Lucifer to let Satan keep it. Also, turns out the cat DID have an owner and Mammon just stole a pet, without even meaning to.

Asmo knows Mammon buys him make up kits and clothes from time to time. What he doesn’t know is that Mammon buys a lot of his jewellery too. To put it simply, the second eldest gets some really expensive looking-ass necklace, shoves it into a lower demon’s hands and tells him to go on and ‘give it to Asmo over there! He’s gonna love it, no need to thank me. You’re gonna earn some brownie points with the Avatar of Lust, good for you small, insignificant demon. Now just do it already!!’ Essentially, he’s too embarrassed to give these gifts himself but this is a regular occurrence that he forces onto others of lower status lol. Asmo comes home every time, flaunting this new gorgeous pair of earrings a fan of his gifted him and Mammon just goes ‘Whoa, that thing must be worth a fortune! Why dontcha hand it over to me, eh? C’mon, older brother privileges’ and the fifth born yells at him to stop being such a greedy asshole. The whole time he’s putting up a font so he doesn’t get found out because it would hurt his ego immensely if the others knew. Rinse and repeat after a couple of days….

The twins are easy because for Beel, all he needs to do is make him his favourite dish as often as possible and take him out to a few restaurants every once in a while to make him happy, which is good enough for Mammon, even if his wallet is screaming at him by the time they’re done. Belphie wouldn’t even notice this, but half of his pillows have either been ordered by Mammon on Akuzon or stolen from somewhere. I would be too afraid to ask where he stole such high quality pillows and blankets but yeah. Actually, those are two of the many things he does for the twins, the others including:

-Doing quite a bit of schoolwork for Belphie when he misses his classes (though he sometimes jokingly asks for compensation) or for Beel who stained his notes after salivating on them in class

-Sewing a few of Belphie’s pillows that he knows his brother used to like a lot before they ripped and had to be discarded of

-Always lets Beel know where his twin is because Belphie has a habit of falling asleep in random places and he doesn’t want Beel to worry about him when that happens so if he happens to spot him, he always tells Beel first so he can go and get him back to their room

-Etc…

Lucifer is last, mainly because Mammon doesn’t really give him a lot of physical gifts. I mean, some of the pricey alcohol the eldest has displayed in his office is from him but for Lucifer, Mammon was mostly there to provide him with emotional support. Especially after the fall happened and they all transformed into their ‘deformed’ demon forms for the first time, unrecognisable from the beautiful angels they once were before. That’s why Lucifer has so much trust in him-it’s because he knows Mammon is the most reliable demon out there and has always been there for him, quietly supporting him from the sidelines because he knew his brother had too much pride to ask for help from others. If I had to guess, Mammon would’ve had to pull Lucifer out of countless nervous breakdowns and self-pitying lines of thought, even more so after Lilith’s death. Honestly, Lucifer would’ve been totally lost and even more closed off than he is in the game at the moment if Mammon’s hadn’t been there for him. Actually, I guarantee you everyone would’ve fallen apart if Mammon was the one to die the Celestial War instead of their sister just because he’s the glue that’s holding them all together.

This post got really long but the point I’m trying to make is that Mammon loves his brothers and none of them really appreciate it enough because they’ve got this painted image of what they thought he should be like in their heads and therefore take all of his actions, as sincere as they may be, with a grain of salt. Obviously, these are just my HCs but I’m sure there are times where Mammon wonders if his siblings care for him at all or if they really dislike him as much as they let on. I know I would start thinking like that if I grew up in an environment where I’m constantly being insulted for the most minor of mistakes, since negative behaviour affects and sticks with you for a long time.

[danpuff-ao3]

Today is Lila my love's birthday! Happiest of birthdays, @liladiurne! My lovely Crabby Queen! 💖

Before I properly met Lila, she was A Big Deal. I remember when her fic Sudden Light was coming out and being hooked. (And also devastated, but I digress.) Rarely do I follow WIPs, but for Lila I made an exception. That story was so gorgeous (and painful, did I mention that?) that I leapt for joy at every update email.

So amazed was I by her clear gift, as a wordsmith, a creative, and (most importantly) an angst aficionado. So when I met Lila for the first time, I was a bit starstruck. And there she was, this absolute genius, being so kind to me and complimenting my work. (Cue my confusion but also my excitement.)

Many people had raved about Lila's work to me, and I'd seen firsthand her gift. Her passion for these characters and for writing is so clear in her work, and all the clearer when you meet her. Now she is still A Big Deal and a Very Important Person, but she is also very near and dear to me. She is more than just this very confused genius providing great literature for free, she is an absolute gem of a human. Lila is one of the greatest gifts this fandom has given me, and to celebrate her existence I shall rec to you my TOP 5 Lila picks! (Though you should really go read all of her work, it's all incredible, I guarantee it.)

Sudden Light

Snarry. Rated E. 48k.

Seven years after the war, in the dead of winter, Severus Snape meets a beautiful stranger on a train. Inevitably, he falls in love.

On the Deficiencies of Translation Spells

Snarry. Rated E. 41k.

Divorced, single, and free, Harry lives a completely unapologetic life in Paris. Between casual hook-ups and an easy, comfortable job, he likes to think he is as close to happiness as he'll ever be. And when he gets offered a teaching job at the prestigious Académie Beauxbâtons, he thinks he may have found exactly what was missing. But Harry is thoroughly unprepared for what he finds there - a familiar face that's been haunting his dreams for six years.

Compulsory Figures

Snarry. Rated E. 6k.

Severus is a four-time Olympic gold medalist and a figure skating legend. He's also a heartless bastard who uses his fame and influence to bed as many pretty young skaters as he can. At eighteen, Harry has just begun training for his first Olympic Games. And he's exactly Severus' type.

Certain Dark Things

Snarry. Rated E. 50k.

“You want me. I know you do.”

I was too worn-out by then to even deny it. In the light of day, with only the summer wind and the cicadas to hear, it didn’t seem necessary to hide it. “It doesn’t matter, Harry. This can never happen.”

He stared at me some more, and I did my best not to falter under those shimmering eyes. “I won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he assured me.

“I know you wouldn’t,” I added, insisting on the conditional. I didn’t like the way he’d spoken as if it had already happened. As if I had already lost.

Perhaps I already had.

In which Severus takes a trip to Italy, thinking he'll have a quiet time at the Malfoys' villa, but Harry has other plans.

Miraculous

Snarry. Rated E. 15k.

When Severus finds out that the gorgeous and charming young man Lucius set him up with, the one who's accompanying him to his mother's charity ball, is really a hired escort, he is furious and disappointed. At first. But then he realises he can use this to his advantage. After years of celibacy, he's finally found someone he connects with, someone who understands him. And this time, Severus actually has the means to see him again. Or the money. But if money's what it takes to spend time with Harry, then he's more than willing to drain his family's fortune. In an unexpected twist of faith, he might not need to.

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Ideas for continuing shorts/a show based on Encanto

Okay so Encanto came out and it is doing really really well, like a lot of people are calling it the best thing Disney has done in very long time... so naturally Disney wants to turn it into a whole franchise. Once upon a time that would have just meant at least 2 sequel movies and a ton of dolls/cloths. Well they are selling the dolls/cloths, and we may some day get the sequels. But in the age of streaming and Disneyplus there is talk of Disney first doing a series of shorts or possibly even a show. I love both those ideas and here is some what I would like to see.

The creators tweeted that Casita has only 1 bathroom and all 12 Madrigal fight over time in it. Make a short on that.

They also said that Felix and Agustin are good friends and, since they have no powers, are basically SAHD' as well as doing the majority of the house work. Give me a day in their life.

I want flashbacks to when the triplets were growing up and what things were like back when it was just them and Alma inside Casita. On that note it occurs to me that their next birthday will be the first one all three have celebrated toghter in atleast 10 years, and I NEED everybody in the family (cough* the town*cough) to make a big deal out of that.

Show me Bruno trying to get to know his nieces and nephews. I want them to all watch/perform his telanovas together and bond. Also my personal headcannon is that 7foot rat-man Bruno was like Camilo's favorite piece of fanfiction, and Bruno gets worried that maybe Camilo won't like the real him. But once Camilo finds out his Uncle is a performer, and a card, he, much to Pepa's dread, starts to freaking worship him and always wants to be around him.

I would like some flashbacks and a bit more background as to what Alma and Pedro's relationship was like. Maybe have it be their anniversary or Pedro's birthday, and Alma is really reminesant over him. Her family get worried she is falling back into depression, so they ask her to tell them about some of her happiest times with Pedro, and them try to recreate them for her.

Okay so I would prefer if shorts where used to flesh out characters who got less screen time in the movie ( Agustine, Camilo, Dolores, etc) and don't want Mirabel to be the main focus of them all...but we'll I think its cool that she loves and is really good at embroidery and sewing. Since the movie didn't really give focus to these hobbies I would like a short or an episode of her wanting to make something really special and getting a case of artist block. Have her relatives do a bunch of things with her to try and help her get inspired. The girl deserves to get some support as opposed to always being the one to give it.

I want Luisa to adopt pets, either rescue a bag of abandoned kittens ,or maybe one of the donkeys she takes care of gives birth to a runt the rancher doesn't want and is planing to get rid of. But Luisa steps in and says she wants it. Have Luisa try to train them and make them really strong, but for them to get tired and decide to rest. Luisa gives in and just curls up with them for a break.

It's like the 5th rainy day this week, and everybody is stuck inside and acting really board. Camilo tries to start a house wide prank war to keep everybody (including Casita) entertained. Shenanigans ensure.

Flesh out Dolores and Mariono's relationship (no babies yet). They are implied to be each others true loves, but what is them dating like? Does Dolores help him with his poetry? What are her interests? Maybe do something where a big milestone is coming up and it seems like Mariano doesn't have anything planed so Dolores decides she will plan a special date. But it turns out Mariano did plan something for that evening, he just been nonverbal about it so he could surprise her, and they wind up surprising each other.

Antonio discovering uses for his powers. It occurs to me that he would understand pets. Someone suggested that dead goldfish lady might be Felix's bio sister; they look kind of alike and she is one of the few villagers who makes casual visits (not just for a party) to Casita. What if while babysitting him she mentions having a new fish that she is worried isn't acting well, so he sticks his finger in the water to bring the fish to the surface and asks it what it needs. Later the pair are shown infront if a brand new pond in her backyard that is full of goldfish, with Antonio telling her they are all very happy. Off in the distance you see a line of people and their pets wanting to see Antonio and ask if their is anything they could do better.

I know some people like to headcannon Isabela as lesbian. I am not going to give people grief for that as long as they acknowledge that is a headcannon, and in cannon she had other, still completely valid, reasons for not wanting to marry Mariano (not being in love with him, not having explored enough of herself and her power yet). I also do think the decision to leave Bubo (her true love) out from the first movie, and having her make decisions based on herself was a good one. But the Bubo in drawings and the deleted scene (well part of the deleted scene, I could do without the more explicitly part) seems like a really funny character, and I would like him to be introduced as long as it was done in a way that didn't impend on Isabela's growth or self discovery. He is clearly supposed to be knowledgeable when it comes to the jungle. Maybe she is having trouble caring for all her new plants, and Dolores hears Bubo wandering around the jungle studying plants, just outside the Encanto. So Lusia and Mirabel go get him and ask him to teach Isabela about the different types of plant needs.

Might be controversial but I would really love a short where the Madrigals are getting ready for/ celebrating traditional Columbia Catholic holidays. Yes they are confirmed to be Catholic.

[tender-rosiey]

𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕴 𝖜𝖆𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖔𝖑

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: in which he promises to love you until the roses give out, but you were the fool to expect something more.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: gojo satoru x gn!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 794

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: lowkey sad that after all the time I spent thinking it’s only 794 words, also I know this really isn’t something to post on my birthday, but for some reason I finished it yesterday and yeah 👩‍🦲angst time biches, happy birthday to me and I noticed that before happy events I tend to finish angst works, that’s weird, that’s suspicious 🤨 a bit ooc??

The spark is gone, the light is gone; the once gleeful moments spent together are now as bleak and dull as black. Where did you go wrong? You were there, you waited, you loved, you made, you forgave and yet it still led to this.

What happened to the naive innocence of love as teenagers, a love so light on the heart it made the world seem brighter and everything easier? He came to you with a bouquet of a dozen roses, his hand on his heart as he swore to make you the happiest; touching the bouquet felt like touching a soft gentle cloud that reassured your heart that it might be safe to step into his arms.

And so you did; you threw yourself into his embrace as light-hearted laughs filled the atmosphere, and when he took his blindfold off you could’ve sworn you can genuineness swarming through those diamond like orbs. The first few months were like a fever dream, everything seem so perfect. He left gifts, and you left him some as well; he tried to make time for you as much as he could, and you appreciated it, you appreciated it till the end. Everyone would be in awe or gag at how lovey you both were, you were the talk and couple of the whole academy; perhaps that’s why things went down hill? Everyone envied you and soon jinxed the love that bloomed between the both of you.

Though when you think about it, this is the same concept that happened with all who got with him before you. Madly in love the first few, then distance grows and another heart is broken by the great and famous Gojo Satoru; maybe you were too hostile and ended up falling in his trap, thinking he would love you and cherish, thinking you may be the one he settles with.

Was it selfishness on your behalf? Maybe, maybe not, but you what you were sure of is that you were trying even when he seemed the least bit of interested. It’s bewildering really, how a spam of texts every hour turns into nothing, not even “I am coming home late.” which is something you got so used to that it hurt.

You wake up and he is not there, you sleep and he is not there; when was the last time you saw him? you tried to recall, but to no avail; it feels like a decade. You ache, but it became the normal; he isn’t there anymore and he doesn’t seem to care. You were the only one hanging on the last threat of hope in the relationship while he let go and let you fall into the abyss of self-doubt and blaming yourself for the failure of the so called “love” between the both of you.

But Gojo knows, and you forgot; it takes to build a relationship and if one isn’t willing then the boat of it will sink. He didn’t feel like he wanted to save it, to make it float, to help you from drowning; it felt like nothing is happening, he almost felt sorry. However, he didn’t have the time to dwell on the past; he was hurt before and will get hurt in the future, and leaving people became a habit and seeing their eyes fill up with tears now doesn’t matter.

So when he sees you crying, he turns around and leaves; you will move on, won’t you? After all, you should’ve known better than to believe that he would settle with one person. Every time he fell for someone, he got to the point where he reminds himself “they will be a weakness that people with target.” and will drop them before it’s too late, you were no exception in his eyes.

Isn’t Gojo in his element when he is alone?

It felt like the confession was just yesterday, like it was just yesterday you were so in love and he said those words “I will love you till the last rose wilts.”

And true to his word, he loved you until they all died; a horrible view replacing the once breathtaking and heart warming bouquet that caught the eyes of everyone that stepped into your former shared house.

A sight that reminded you of your breaking and decaying relationship and one that reminded you that it was already done; how he viewed you changed, how he loved you changed. You hoped he would be gentler with the casting of your presence, but in contrast you are now outside the doors of his heart, behind walls with a rough push.

You are out of reach and he doesn’t want your love anymore.

taglist: @magenta-cat-drawingss @pompompurin1028 @scul-pted @dazaisdeathwish @requiem626k @nameless-shrimp @shinys-bsd-world-1 @sonder-paradise @ravenina14 @jessbeinme15 @todorokichills @fiona782

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[wormstacheangel]

Happy Birthday, Bec ( @chocolatecakecas)! Have some momma Dean and Daddy Cas get together :)

wc: 2.5k

Dean holds the preschool’s scrunched-up flyer in his hand before letting out a heavy sigh. He never thought he would ever celebrate Mother’s Day again, and he especially never thought that he would be the mother who would be celebrated.

He begged Cas not to make him do this, but it wasn’t Cas who he was afraid to disappoint.

Dean stuffed the paper back into his pocket before walking over to the front office to check-in for this Muffin with Mom event. He talked to the school beforehand to check if it was okay for him to show up to this event, but they already knew he was ‘Momma’ to Jack, so they saw it coming. Of course, they did but Dean sure as fuck didn’t.

He walks into the office and follows the signs that lead outside to the big grass area that transformed from a play area to a nicely decorated picnic area. Everything was pink, from the flowers to the plastic table cloths, but it didn’t feel too overwhelming because they were outside. His eyes spotted the small photo op area, and he couldn’t wait to get some cute pictures of him and Jack so Cas can add to his album.

At least that would be worth the embarrassment.

Dean joined some of the familiar faces of the sea of ladies that crowded the classroom doors—waiting for the kids to be let loose and get this party finally started. He smiles and waves at them, knowing them from pick up and playdate parties at their homes.

Dean and Cas know they can never host one at their home in the lakehouse cause while the outside has invisible warding, the inside looked like a crazy person lived in there. It was a heavily warded place that hides them for a good few miles to any supernatural monster— angels included, so it’s a good thing Cas knows how to use google maps or he would always skip their street— but the inside Jack was free to let his wings out and practice his powers.

“Okay!” He looks up to see Jack’s classroom open up. “Go find your Moms!”

He walks closer, seeing little rugrats running past him, and crouches until he meets the gaze of his little angel. “Hiya, bud!”

“Momma!” Jack shouts as he sprints to him and then jumps into Dean’s arms, almost knocking him back with his strength. Jack snuggles into Dean’s shoulder as he wraps his arms around his neck, staying locked in place as Dean stands up.

“Why are you surprised? Told you I was gonna come.” Dean rubs his hand up and down his back as they follow the group of moms to line up for the food. Other classes start to open up, and Dean at least wanted something to damn snack on while he’s here.

“I know.” Jack pulls back and presses Dean’s cheeks together with his little hands, and luckily with none of his strength. “I was just scared.”

“Why?” Dean asks with puckered lips.

“Cause,” Jack sighs before leaning back down to rest his head on Dean’s shoulder. His tiny fist is holding the collar of his jacket in a tight grip. “I know you’re not a Momma like the other Momma’s.”

Dean’s stomach drops at the words.

He quickly got out of line and went inside his now empty classroom so they can talk. Dean hates these tiny chairs, but he sat down anyway, hoping it won’t break from under him, before pulling Jack away to face him.

“Jack,” He was stubborn, but a little tickling always did the trick. Dean takes Jack’s face in between his hands so he would look at him. “I am not like the other Momma’s, but I am still yours. That’s why I’m here, right?”

Jack nods, a small smile on his face that was a carbon copy of Cas’s own.

“I better be, cause I heard you owe me a muffin!” Dean leans forward to gently bite Jack’s cheek, who giggles and screams while he pushed Dean away with child strength.

“Stop! Momma!” Jack laughs before Dean showers his face with kisses so that he could see the pout leave and a bright grin appear. One that made Dean love life so much more than he ever thought he could.

“Love you.” Dean places a final kiss on Jack’s nose. Only for Jack to copy him and repeat, “Love you.”

They went back outside and had to go to the back of the line, but with Jack in his arms, he was perfectly content. He loves hearing his little four-year-old ramble on while telling a story.

When they got their food—a muffin and some damn apple juice, he’s going to have to take Jack to lunch after this—they went to sit at a crowded table that was calling for Dean to join them. Usually, everyone enjoys Cas’s company a lot more than his, but right now, they had Dean to play with, and he didn’t mind getting the attention of all the milf’s in school.

He sat down in the middle of the table with Jack on his lap so Dean can make sure his kid at least eats a bit of the muffin before running around with the rest of his friends. The whole mommy and me event just became a big chance for mommy’s to gossip, and he couldn’t help but wanna be a part of it.

They were all talking about a Mom who didn’t show up and instead sent the babysitter when Jack finally got inpatient and ran off to play with his friends. When Jack was out of earshot, all eyes fell on Dean when he stuffed almost half a muffin in his mouth. He looks at them with raised eyebrows, asking them a silent, “What?” as their smiles spelled trouble for Dean.

“We heard from the secretary that you and Castiel aren’t together...together.” Liz whispers the last word as she leaned closer to him.

“That’s not a secret.” Dean swallows the rest of the muffin and finishes off the apple juice. “Cas and me are friends.”

“Really?” Carmen sat back in her chair, looking as if the universe didn’t make sense anymore. All eyes fell on Liz again, as if she was chosen to be the ring leader to ask all these questions.

“But you guys talk about each other like—I was gonna say like I talk about my husband, but that’s not true. I complain more than anything, but you two are always--you’re like a team. Like an actual team! And the way--the way you look at each other!”

“Okay,” Dean clears his throat, feeling his face heat up. “I don’t know what you are getting at, but Cas and I are best friends. We’re just raising his kid together. My brother helps too. It’s not-It’s just not like that with us.”

“But, do you want it to be?” Carmen leans in again, and Dean looks around at the milf’s that thought Cas and him were a married couple. “Cause it kinda looks like you want it to be.”

Dean opened his mouth to answer defensively cause, of course, he didn’t. He was perfectly fine living his domestic life with Cas and Jack. Maybe they were not a traditional family, but there was no damn way they would ever be with ⅔ of the family being celestial beings. Still, going to bed alone was getting harder each night. The longing stares have become heavier, and all the missed opportunities were starting to weigh on him.

He wanted so much more, but how can he ask for that when this is already the happiest he has ever been and the happiest he has ever seen Cas. He can’t risk making it awkward by expressing his feelings that may not be reciprocated. That’s fucking embarrassing for one, but Dean also didn’t want to risk losing the closest thing he has ever gotten to having a family of his own.

“It’s not that simple.” Dean finally groaned as he ran his hand through his hair. “Things are complicated between us.”

“Well, uncomplicate them!” Liz hits his arm to grab Dean’s attention before he falls back into his head.

“Mommy! Come watch me on the swings!” One of the kids call for them, and all the rest of the kids came running over, Jack included. But by the look of Jack’s face, Dean can tell the superhearing was working perfectly fine.

“Come here, bud.” Dean opens his arms, and while the rest of the mothers got up to watch their kid play, Jack stayed curled up in Dean’s arms as they finish their muffins together.

“Momma?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“We’re a real family, right?”

Dean presses a kiss to Jack’s hair. “Course we are, Jack. Me and your Daddy love you.”

“And you love each other?” He looks up at Dean with those same piercing blue eyes and curious look that he found so fond in Cas.

“Always have.” Dean quickly answers as he squeezes his kid. “Now eat so we can take some pictures.”

Dean ends up taking Jack home, with the preschool arts and crafts presents in the passenger seat, because maybe Dean does have to get his head out of his ass. Cause Dean knows Cas loves him. Was it the same kind of love Dean felt? Who knows? But they are going to find out.

“We’re just gonna pick up Daddy and go out to get some real food in you. Got it, bud?” Dean looks over at the rearview mirror to see a thumbs up and an excited grin.

“Got it, Momma!”

When Dean parks the car outside, he told Jack to wait in the car—the kid can turn on the car and play with the radio with his mind, he’ll be fine— while he went inside to tell Cas to get ready.

“I’m home!” Dean called out as soon as he was in the house and then hears an “In here!” coming from the bathroom. He walks in to see Cas was under the bathroom sink, all the cleaning products spread around him, probably fixing that leak that was bothering him so much.

“Hey,” Dean kicks him gently to get his attention before crouching beside him. “Go get ready. I have Jack in the car; let’s go have some lunch.”

Cas scooted out from under the sink, and when he sat up, his face was only inches away from Dean’s own. He looked utterly unphased from being so close while Dean’s breath hitched at feeling Cas’s sigh touch his lips.

“I don’t even eat, Dean.” Cas wipes his hands on a towel before pushing himself up to stand. Dean took a shaky breath before he stands up too. “And why did you take Jack from school so early?”

Dean follows Cas out of the bathroom and into Cas’s bedroom, “You eat sometimes and cause I wanted to have some family time.” Dean sits at Cas’s bed as he watches the angel change into a clean shirt, his back muscles as beautiful as usual. “And I just, I think we should talk.”

Cas turns around to look at Dean with a curious head tilt. “About?”

Dean stood up to slowly walk over to Cas, not meeting his eyes, as he whispers, “Us.” Dean can see Cas start to look panic at the word, and before Cas could say anything, Dean leans forward to press his lips at the corner of Cas’s mouth. “I wanna know how you feel about us.”

Cas stood wide-eyed as Dean pulls away. He waits for an answer, but the angel was just staring at him with fingers twitching to reach and hold something. Dean took Cas’s hand and twined their fingers together; hopefully, that is what Cas wanted.

“I know we’re just playing pretend here,” Dean continues as he looks down at their hands. “But I’m tired of playing, Cas. I want, fuck okay, shit, I just-- I want to-I want,”

“Yes?” Cas leans in closer, urging Dean to continue, but Dean wasn’t sure he could, so he looks up to see Cas lick those soft lips.

He knows he wasn’t good at using his words, but he has always been good at showing, doing, so he lets out a quiet, “Fuck it.” Before letting actions speak.

His free hand went to the back of Cas’s neck to hold him as their lips crashed together. Dean knew Cas could pull away whenever he wanted with his angel strength, but he also knew Cas was letting Dean take the lead in this. Letting Dean push him up against the dresser and kiss him with panic but also so much love. Cause he loves him. He loves Cas. He was so fucking in love with him that it drove him crazy at times, but he couldn’t imagine doing this domestic life with anybody else.

“I love you.” Dean finally breaths against Cas’s lips. It overwhelmed him to finally have those words said aloud while Cas’s hands were burning his skin from under his shirt, but it also made him feel lighter. To say the words he wanted to scream. “I love you so much, Cas.”

Cas’s grip loosened for a second before it tightened, and Dean took that opportunity to open his eyes to look at him. To read the unreadable.

He leans back to see Cas’s baby blue’s water.

“Cas?”

Cas responds with a few blinks, tears falling freely now, as his expression softens at his name. “Yes?” One of Cas’s hands reached to slowly caress Dean’s face as if trying to see if this was real. If Dean was real.

“Kinda pouring my heart out here, buddy, maybe wanna respond?” Dean turns his head just enough to press a kiss to Cas’s palm, hearing Cas let out a small gasp.

“I’m confused. This morning you left telling me you were gonna kick my ass for sending you to the preschool, and now,” Cas leans forward, slowly and hesitantly, but Dean didn’t move. He closes his eyes and waits until their lips met again. Feeling his heart pound and breath catch as the kiss was softer this time. His head flooded with so much want, but Cas quickly pulls away as he continued, “And now I can do that.”

“Yeah,” Dean’s eyes flutter open as he clears his throat. “Yeah, Momma had a little push from the milf’s this morning, and I just realized that I want— I want you. I want us to be together like a real family. Cause I love you and-and, it would be nice if you fucking said it back sometime soon.”

Cas laughs a low chuckle that made Dean’s toes curl as he leans forward again to press their noses together. “I love you too, Dean.”

“Took you long enough.” Dean was going in for another kiss, but the car horn made them both jump. “Shit, our kid still in the car.”

Dean leaves a kiss on Cas’s cheek, feeling more intimate than the last few kisses. “Get ready. I’ll wait for you in the car.” Dean didn’t meet Cas’s eyes as his blush rose to his cheeks.

Tag List: hello this is long enough to tag you guys :)

@tearsofgrace @nguyenxtrang @smiledean @chocolatecakecas

@blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @shelikestv @spicyspiess @icefire149

@archervale @starlightcastiel @sierraxnevada

@lexies-obsessions-and-memes @castiel-is-a-cat @slipper007

@belacoded @takemetotheworld @imlivingliferightnow

@celestialcastiel @manifestingdestiel @sinnabonka

@confusedisaster @wikiangela @carryonwaywardsquirrel

@my-people-skillls-are-rusty @thefaeriemagic3 @wigglebox

@im-sam-fucking-winchester @becky-srs @thefantasyfiend

@deanwinchesterstentaclefetish @achillestiel @sarahblakenatural

@likepurplemuses @marichankitty @castielkrushnic @bestiegirlboss

@martymar1963 @destielfactory @mjthehumandisaster

@misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @destielskygalaxypalace

@trasherasswood @s-r-clowns @eshaninjer

@readeroftheimmortalbooks