#always enjoy word vomiting about my ocs

[queenbol-of-baldurs-gate]

Feed my BG3 hunger.

I wanna know for those playing with CustomTavs that will romance someone in the game, who are they wooing? And why? How do you imagine their dynamic? In tags or reblogs are fine! I'll start;

Delight- Warlock, Tiefling, Criminal

I literally cannot unsee her romancing Astarion.

Their pasts just line up and mirror so well, as do their current situations, and while she's not outright cruel she's definitely not a Good Guy. She finds him funny and over the top, and is entertained by his poor lying but drawn in by his vulnerability. He finds her contradictory but also funny (laughing together about the walking undead husband was a sweet moment between them lmao) and is starting to find her smartass comments and teasing endearing. They don't just become good lovers, they become good friends, and they will be wonderfully morally grey and chaotic together.

Briallen- Half-Orc, Sorceror, Folk Hero

This bitch can fit so much Survivor's Guilt inside her!! I think she will really fit well with Halsin all things considered. She is, down to her core, a genuinely good person who wants to protect and help, even if she sees her heroism as a selfish act to punish herself. I can see her being drawn to Halsin's strength, confidence and wisdom and I can see him drawn to her bravery, selflessness and serenity. But hopefully he will be able to curb her extremely low sense of self-preservation and she will show him that she will accept him in his entirety with no strings. Two folks who really admire each other slowly falling head over heels for each other!

Iker- Human, Ranger, Soldier

Gale. Not just because he's a magebreaker and I love the whole enemies/rivals to lovers, but because Gale is a wonderfully complicated person and turns out Iker finds complicated hot. I can see Gale intially finding his standoffish and straight up cunty behaviour annoying/vaguely amusing at first, but become increasingly curious about the person he used to be before everything. Iker looks at Gale and they think "Fuck. He's hot. Damn mage." and becomes fascinated with the fractured man beneath the perfect veneer. Idk about Gale, but Iker is actually the devoted type and in the future won't care what he does as long as he lets them stay by his side. Unhealthy obsessions all round let's get on it cunts.

Rowan- Half-Elf, Wizard, Scholar/Sage

I am truly a bit stumped with them BUT I can see them making poor decisions and falling for Wyll. He's got secrets and they're a curious sort who naturally wants to uncover them, for good or ill. They trigger Wyll's protective instinct, as they are particularly a bit naive about the wider world beyond their studies and dig sites and he's as soon to find them crouching down in the middle of a battle protecting a suspected artifact as he is to find them completely closed off to the world with her nose in a tome. He would find their completely objective opinion about his situation surprisingly refreshing and they want to study him under a microscope (oh and he has a very nice smile they can't seem to say no to). They'll make him better, he'll make them worse lol.

Zlatan- Githyanki, Cleric, Outlander

Oh Shadowheart for sure. Not only does he find her beautiful, he's intrigued with the fact that such a kind person (objectively) worships such an evil goddess. He's always been fascinated with outlier cultures and beliefs, like the drow. She would obviously be wary of him at first, but will be pleasantly surprised by his easygoing and cheerful nature yet shocked by his daredevilry and adventurousness. When she finally lets down her guard and they get closer, I can see them having actually quite a romantic dynamic between them.

Delshad [Name WIP]- Dragonborn, Fighter, Noble

I'll be honest, I was inspired by the Panel to make a hot af dragonborn to sweep Karlach off her feet. I'm weak. He is literally Just Some Guy. He's polite, he's softspoken, he likes embroidery and he will Fuck You Up when pressed. He would find Karlach very, very cute once she trusts him with her more romantic side and he can withstand her sparky tendencies with all his scales. She would appreciate the fact that he's pretty non-conforming in terms of his status and his gender stereotype and that he's only a gentleman with her FOR her. Very sweet, very soft relationship ahoy!!

Tav [Name Undecided]- Gnome/Deep Gnome, Rogue, Urchin or Charlatan?

Now this Tav is very much a recent and underdeveloped idea, because I saw The Prettiest gnome Tav the other day and I had this image of a cute gnome lady Absolutely Down Bad for Lae'zel because she loves big strong hot mean women. I imagine a very messy, horny dynamic since this Tav despises any authority on principle and Lae'zel comes from a society very much built upon obeying authority, but I can see Lae'zel finding Tav's dedication to chaos and getting things done her way or no way quite attractive.

[wonwoonlight]

when he finds out you're sick through the internet

A/N: idol!au. OC is also a celebrity though I don't explicitly say what. tiny teensy angst bc cheol is a worried Boyfriend💔 1.5k words! another random word vomits bc that's the only way i know how to write now lol idk why but everytime i write this kinda fic it's always seungcheol looooooooooooooool. not proofread, but enjoy!

[part 2]

Seungcheol doesn't really get angry.

For the three years you've known him in which you've dated him for two, you've only seen him actually get angry a total number of three times. None of them was directed at you, and all of them are for reasons that you would've exploded upon way before he did.

Seungcheol is patient and rational.

Seungcheol is normally patient and rational.

But he's never normal when it comes to you. And even though the patient bit still stands, nothing about his feelings towards you is ever rational. He's a little too emotional, a little too rash, and a little too worrisome when it comes to your wellbeing.

So when he's relaxing in the practice room during a break with his members, for once not on his phone because he's charging it somewhere on one of the tables, and he hears Seungkwan gasps a little upon his phone, he thinks there's another scandal blowing up upon the industry. But when the younger guy's blown out eyes meet him, colors drained from his face, Seungcheol hates that he knew it could mean one thing: something happened to you.

He shoots up almost immediately, not registering any words that come out of Seungkwan's mouth. His hands shake a little when he unlocks his phone, and his heart drops when he reads the official post from your company's twitter account that states your current condition, that you might need to pause your activities for the time being due to health reasons, apologizes for the worries, and asks for the fans' understanding.

He wants to get angry.

At who, he’s not sure.

At your company, for pushing you even though they know your schedule is practically inhumane? At your manager, for not making sure that you have decent rest in between schedules? At you, because he’s been telling you to fucking stop running towards whatever goal you have in mind but you insist that you know your limit and you’ll know when to stop?

Apparently, no you fucking don’t because else this wouldn’t have happened.

The rest of the members look at him in worry, and Jeonghan silently walks to their manager and the other staff to let them know about the situation at hand, that Seungcheol would probably not be in his best state to continue practice at the moment. The leader would probably insist that they continue anyway, but they’ve practiced for almost five hours already anyway and they could spare an hour or two for the leader when it’s clear that he’s worried beyond measure.

Seungcheol bites his lip as he tries to call you, his concern skyrocketing by the seconds the longer the beeping sound goes, no sign of you picking it up. He tries one more time, but you still don’t answer and he’s about to hurl his phone at the wall when your manager calls him instead, tells him that he sees his name flashing on your phone, informs your whereabouts, and that he should just drop by your place in a few hours if he wants to see you because right now you’re still sleeping in the car and he’s taking you home.

He finds it hard to say anything, a lump growing in his throat until he manages to swallow it down and ask how you’re doing right now.

“She’s… exhausted.” Your manager says quietly. “I know it’s my job to take care of her but… you know her. She didn’t tell me that she’s been having a hard time sleeping at night the past few weeks and it finally took a toll on her.”

It’s hard to suppress his anger, his breath heavier than usual though it’s not too noticeable unless they know Seungcheol. He wants to scream at your manager, but he knows it won’t do anyone any good and it’s really not the time nor the place for that. So he mutters a quiet ‘thank you’ before he hangs up, his members looking at him with a mix of worry and understanding when he looks up at them.

“Go.” Soonyoung says. “We’ve practiced enough today. Take care of your girlfriend and tell us later.”

Seungcheol nods and sprints out of the room, beyond thankful that his members always have his back.

Seungcheol is glaring at you when you wake up, though the way his thumb is still softly caressing your head and the worry in his eyes clearly tell you that his anger is nowhere near his distress. 

You offer him a weak smile, unable to defend yourself because you know what his eyes are scolding you for.

“Sorry?” You whisper and immediately cringe at how dry your throat feels.

He doesn’t say anything as he helps you sit down and hands you your favorite mug. Taking in the moment, you frown at how weak you feel, though you really only have yourself to blame because you genuinely thought you’re okay and you can take it.

You know it’s on you for taking as many schedules as possible, practically everything that your company offers you even when your manager says he doesn’t think it’s physically possible for you to do all that in such a short span.

Thinking about it now, you realize that your manager and the rest of your team also gets the short end of the stick through your decision. Him, your make up team, and your stylists would all need to be with you and your ambition forgets to consider their wellbeing even when you wrongly claim you would be able to handle it.

Guilt starts to eat you inside out, and it grows even larger as you see Seungcheol in front of you–didn’t he say he had practice today?–his face screams distressed and his shoulders tense since God knows when.

“Hey, talk to me.” He says softly when he notices you’ve been spacing out and you’re nibbling on your lip like you would when you’re anxious, taking away your mug before enveloping your hands with his.

You tear up almost immediately, and he moves to sit on the edge of your bed to usher you into his chest, patiently listens to your nonsense as you try to talk through your tears. He gets the gist of it: sorry–manager–company–wellbeing–my team–didn’t think it through–made you worry–overestimated myself–sorry–and the list goes on. He exhales as he hugs you tighter, both understanding and upset at the turns of events.

Being in the same industry, he gets what you’re trying to do, understands that you feel the need to keep on running while you’re able to, relates that you’re doing everything for yourself and your fans. But still, it’s hard not to be upset to know you’re pushing yourself too hard when he’s been telling you there’s no need to run as fast as you are without resting; that you’ll only hurt yourself one way or another and he hates that the one time he needs to be right, it’s this.

You end up laying down against his chest on your bed, hiccups and sniffles filling your bedroom along with a random song he’s humming against your head. You pull away to properly look at him, the first time you’re doing it since you woke up earlier, and his hum stops in question.

“Thank you.” You manage to whisper, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt without even realizing. “For being here when I woke up.”

He shakes his head like he doesn’t understand why you’re thanking him, simply leans down to plant a long, chaste kiss against your forehead before he pulls up your blanket so it’ll cover you properly.

“Just… don’t surprise me like that again, okay?” His breath is warm against your face, pleasantly so, and you nod as you promise him that you’ll take better care of yourself moving forward. 

“Are you staying the night?”

“Yes, I’ll return to the dorm the day after tomorrow. They’ve given me a day off.” You cringe at his words, though thankful that he’s been in the industry long enough to attain that kind of privilege. But still, you feel bad that you’re obstructing his practice and his members just because you’re foolish enough to– “Hey. Stop. I know what you’re thinking. No need to feel bad. I’m actually glad I get to rest with you.”

“But–”

“No buts. The kids can do without me for a day.” He playfully bumps his forehead against yours, his lips hover above yours merely centimeters apart.  He doesn’t meet your lips, though he kisses their corner sweetly and wraps you back into his embrace to the point where there’s no space between you two. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Good night, Cheol.”

“Night, baby.”

“See you in my dream?”

“I’ll see you anywhere you want me to be.”

He hugs you tighter, and you try your best to return the gesture despite the awkward position of your arms. It’s uncomfortable and you’re sure your arms will be sore the next morning.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way. Not when you succumb to sleep and find Seungcheol smiling at you on the other side of your dream, as real as he can be.

cont.

[inlovewithpandora]

- Hidden -

Pairing: Human!Ralak x fem!pregnant!reader

Request: [ @teyamsbitch ] A constantly wanting junk food and B having to hide the junk food so she doesn’t get sick during her pregnancy. w/ Ralak || Ralak knows how junk food makes reader sick but reader is too stubborn and always makes herself sick by eating it so he decides to hide it from her and she whines but he gives her a substitute.

Synopsis: When a pregnancy craving hits you in the middle of the night all you want is your comfort food, the problem is you can’t find them.

Content: modern au, fluff, reader being a little stubborn, Ralak being a good hubby

Author’s Note: Thank you for sending this req in bestie, I loved writing it bc Ralak is so underrated. I hope you enjoy and that it meets your expectations🩷!!

- oc and art belongs to @zestys-stuff

Word Count: 759

Extra: Requests are open! Please read rules before requesting! || Likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated🩷!

Links: Navigation || Avatar Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

As your husband Ralak was peacefully sleeping next to you, you felt a heavy pregnancy craving hit you. You didn’t want to wake him up, so you quietly walked out the room and made your way to the kitchen. You began rummaging through your kitchen cabinets, trying to find your favorite comfort food, but you couldn’t find any. With scrunched eyebrows, you recall the last time you went grocery shopping. It was recent and it was clear in your memory having specifically bought your snacks for times like this, so it upset you that you couldn’t find them.

When Ralak shifted in bed, he didn’t feel your warm presence, which made him get out of bed to find you. Walking around the house, he heard the sound of cabinet doors opening and closing, the fridge opening, and then your frustrated groans.

“Babe, what are you doing up so late?” He asked, voice low as he carefully walked into the kitchen to not startle you.

“I’m looking for my snacks, ‘Lak. I couldn’t go to sleep because I’m craving my snacks, but I can’t find them anywhere.” As he watched you search the kitchen from top to bottom, he sort of felt bad because he knew the reason why you couldn’t find them.

“Okay, don’t be mad, but I kind of hid your snacks.” 

You turned your head to him so quickly you felt your neck was going to crack. “What do you mean ���you hid my snacks’? Please don’t tell me you hid MY snacks from me like I’m some child.” There came times where he mentioned hiding them from you to prevent you from eating them, but this was the first time he actually did it. It annoyed you every time he brought it up, but to know that he dared to do it pissed you off because this wasn’t the time to deny you of your food.

“You know those snacks make you sick everytime you eat them.” Ralak wasn’t making that up, it was true. Each time you decided to eat them, they upset your stomach and sometimes it was to the point where you got nauseous and vomited. You knew they made you sick, but you didn’t care, all you wanted was to enjoy your snacks in peace.

“I don’t care about that, I want my snacks, Ralak!” You whined, wanting to finally fill your stomach so you could go back to sleep.

As you continued to whine and complain, Ralak reached into the top cabinet and grabbed an alternative snack he bought for you a few days ago. He knew this day would come and that he would need something to save him from being cursed out.

“Look, I bought you an alternative. Something that won’t make you sick.” Your nose turned up as you looked at the snack he was trying to offer you. You didn’t want an alternative because they never tasted like the actual snack it was supposed to imitate. 

“Ralak, I don’t want it. It looks disgusting!”

Ralak just shook his head at your stubbornness. “Just try it, I bet you’ll like it if you give it a chance.” You reluctantly grabbed the snack out of his hand, hoping that it was good enough because if it wasn’t he was definitely going to get an ear full from you.

You opened the bag and placed some in your hand. Taking a deep breath, you braced yourself for a nasty taste to overcome your tongue before placing them in your mouth. As you chewed them slowly, taking in the flavor, you realized that they weren’t that bad. They actually tasted better than you expected.

As Ralak closely watched you eat, he noticed the small fire in your eyes subside now that you were having your cravings fulfilled. “Do you feel better now?” He came behind you, wrapping his arms around your torso while placing his hands on your swollen stomach and resting his head on your shoulder.

“Yes, much better. Thank you for getting me these, I appreciate it.” You turned and kissed his cheek which caused a soft smile to curl onto his lips knowing that he made you happy. When you finished your snack, right on cue your eyes began to flutter close, which made Ralak pick you up and carry you into your shared bedroom.

After gently placing you in bed, he tucked you in and kissed your forehead, smiling as he thought about how soon it would be before your little bundle of joy would be there.

I hope you enjoyed🩷!

Previous Fic

Editor - @justmemyselfandthemoon

Taglist: @neteyamsblog @hc-geralt-23 @myh3artttt @savagemickey03 @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @number1gal @headsincloud9 @Maru @buble787635 @normspellmann @em-x0 @sliqeramx @lexasaurs634 @deadgirlrin @lina @merlinbtch @btsiguess-kpop @galactict3a @tiredmamaissy

©️inlovewithpandora ━━━ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 | All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[woozivrse]

Hiding the Truth, Pretending I'm Fine

Jeon Wonwoo x gn! reader

Genre: Hanahaki AU, college AU, fluff, usual angst that comes with the AU, happy ending!

Words: 4k and some change!

Warnings: vomiting, doctors, surgery mention(doesn't happen! don't worry<3), implied depression? reader feels down and i kinda wrote it in a way that it could be read as depression..., death mentions(one a joke at the start, and the other being apart of the whole AU thing..., cursing, my ocs Mai and Kimi(ok my friends oc...) use different pronouns, Mai(She/He) and Kimi(She/They), blood

Notes: sooo... if you've read this before you are either 1) a friend i had read this for school or 2) you are my old english teacher, in which, hi. why are you here. please leave. please. aka i am repurposing this for tumblr, because i am pretty proud of it, meaning please be gentle on me. i am just a tiny tiny child. but tell me what you think! tell me if i missed any warnings, and stuff like that! also, stole the title from bittersweet. you'll see why! enjoy<3

You had been in love with Jeon Wonwoo for who knows how long, but you hadn't known it. Until you started coughing. You wish it had been easier.

❀DAY 1, SUNDAY 8:30AM, YOUR APARTMENT

“Ooh my baby,” You cooed. “How's my little baby~ Hm? How are you Hoshi? What about you Byeol~~ Thank you for the gift~~”

Kimiko, your high school friend slash roommate, burst into your room. “Stop being a crazy cat person! Get up and out, Wonwoo is waiting for you,”

“Already? I just woke up–”

“Oh, no he's not here, here. He's just waiting for you like, in general y'know?”

“Die,”

“Not how you talk to your bestest friend in the world,” She pouted.

“That would be Wonwoo,”

“Bestest roommate in the world?”

“Mai.”

“Fuck youuuu,”

❀9:25AM, ROCKET CAFE

Sitting down, Wonwoo placed an iced latte in front of you. Every Sunday, the two of you met at either the library or the cafe to plan your week out together. This week was the cafe. He stared at you, watching you work.

“Stop watching me, creep,” you grinned, tapping your foot against Wonwoo. “C’mon, I know I’m pretty ‘n all but you really should stop staring at me,”

“So full of yourself,” He teased. “You’ve got something, here I’ll get it.”

You rolled your eyes at Wonwoo pretending to fix your hair. Always trying to “fix” something, your hair, your clothes. You knew you weren't a messy person. What you didn't know was why Wonwoo did it. Sighing, you just let him fiddle with your hair. As he did that, you stole his phone, unlocking it to check his calendar for the week.

“Boo,” you pouted. “We barely match up this month, outside of class. Look! We don’t match this week and next week we match once, on Friday night,”

Seemingly done with your hair, he checked your planner. “Oh, you’re right. Isn’t that during the get together Cheol is holding?”

“Oh I think it is,” you sulked. “No free time for just us! Oh I am in pain, jail for a thousand years!”

He chuckled. “It’s fine, we can sneak some time in,”

“Not at a Cheol party. I’m gonna be tipsy and you’re probably going to be on babysitting duty,”

“Babysitting you,”

Grumbling, you stood from the chair and fell onto Wonwoo's shoulders like a lump of nothing, smacking him a little. Vernon, your mutual friend who worked at the cafe, took a picture and sent it to their group chat without the two of you, followed by a text saying “yo right in front of my salad?”. The group chat exploded with messages with variants of “they’re seriously not dating?” and one text from Joshua, one of the other workers at the cafe, saying “get back to work!!”.

❀DAY 4, WEDNESDAY 12:30PM, ON THE WAY TO CLASS

This, you decided early on in your college days, was your favorite part of college. Walking with Wonwoo to whatever class you two shared, was great(unless the two of you didn't share a class, in which he would walk you to whatever class you had after the two of you had lunch).

You looked at him, seeing him staring at you, again. “Hey, what's with you looking at me so often, huh?” You raised a brow. “What, do you like me or something?”

He smiled, “Sure, something like that,”

Your face warmed, you could just feel the heat go to your ears.

You whipped your head away from him before saying. “Oh– oh just shut it! Don't even joke about that, Wonwoo!”

And then you started coughing, which granted, the weather had been getting colder, but you started coughing hard. Leaning down, you started coughing into your elbow before pulling away and seeing… petals? Bloody, purple flower petals. You quickly grabbed them before shoving them into your pocket.

Wonwoo put his hand on the small of your back, rubbing it. “Woah, hey, are you alright? Do you need water, anything? I’ll take you home if you need,”

You nodded, your throat still feeling a little raw. “Um… yeah, water would be nice, please,”

He handed you his water bottle, yours being at home. “Here, just drink from it. I’m fine without it for now,”

You sent him an appreciative look before downing the water. “Okay, I think I’ll be good for class now,”

He looked at you, obviously worried. “If you're sure… but I’m taking you home if you start coughing like that again,”

❀1:47, CLASS

You started coughing again.

There was no reason for it, you had just caught Wonwoo once again looking at you weirdly, causing your heart to flutter just a bit before you had berated yourself, thinking, Stop it, stop it! He doesn't like me…he just doesn't. And then the coughing happened again.

It had been so bad that the professor had stopped class and asked if you had needed to go. Wonwoo answered that question by grabbing your stuff and taking you out of the class. Oh well, you thought, Guess going to that class was for nothing.

Once you had finished coughing, you again found bloody petals. What the fuck…

“Hey, are you sure you're okay?” Wonwoo looked really worried now, placing a hand on your forehead, then cheeks. “You certainly don't seem okay, but you’re not warm or anything,”

You shook your head. “I think it might be the weather. You know I get a little iffy around this time of year,”

He hesitantly accepted your reason, knowing it was true, just usually happened later in the year. He shrugged his jacket off, placing it on your shoulders. “Well, keep this on until we reach your place, I don't want you actually getting sick,”

❀2:07PM, YOUR APARTMENT

Sitting on your bed, your eyebrows scrunched up before you sighed. Just, what was happening to you? Coughing up flowers– that's something out of a storybook, not real life.

Your heart fluttered when you thought about Wonwoo, but why. Why was your heart doing this, why, why, why. Wonwoo was so sweet to you, that's why, you reasoned. Right? You…didn't like him, did you? You couldn't.

You started coughing, again. Running to the bathroom, you knelt over the toilet.

❀2:34PM

Kimi sang. “Your favorite dancer is home~”

Kimi stepped into the kitchen, dropping her bag into the floor, before calling your name. “Hellooo?”

Silence filled the apartment, which left Kimi worried. Walking through the hallway, Kimi knocked on your bedroom door, opening it when no noise happened. Nothing.

“What the…” Kimi muttered. “Ugh, where’d I put my phone… dance practice you thot!”

Dragging herself back to the kitchen, she shuffled through their duffel bag. Calling your phone, rings came from the bathroom. Making her way to the bathroom, Kimi barged in. There you were, in all your shitty, sweaty glory was you, throwing up into the toilet.

“Fuck!” Kimi dropped to her knees, rubbing your back. “You should’ve told us you were sick. One of us would’ve stayed home for you,”

You whined. “Kimi… it’s fine both of you were busy, I couldn’t let you guys stay home. Besides, this happened during class.”

“The one you have with Wonwoo?”

Nodding, you straightened. “Mm… he brought me home,”

“What happened?”

“I… um… started coughing up flower petals…” You muttered.

“You what?”

Sighing, you reached your hand into your pockets and brought out the bloody flower petals.

“What the– Why are they bloody!?”

“I started coughing these up,” You started to explain. “Look, they’re in the toilet bowl too. I… I asked Sayu, before I went into the bathroom, she said they were bittersweet or something like that…”

“You should go to the ER! Or at least the doctor– you don’t know what this is,”

“I will, I will. I was going to call her after this whole…fit,”

❀DAY 6, FRIDAY 1:15PM, SEOUL DOCTOR

“So, what’s the reason for this appointment?” Doctor Kim asked, checking the files in hand.

“Um…so the other day, Wednesday, I uh… started coughing flower petals,” You explained, pulling the petals out. “They were um, bloody.”

Clicking her tongue, Doctor Kim examined a petal. “Oh dear…I see,”

“Why’d it happened? How’d it even get in my body?”

Doctor Kim sighed, pulling up an article on the computer in the room. “I’m afraid there’s not much research on this. I’ve never personally seen it but I know doctors who have diagnosed it. We’re calling it hanahaki, from the Japanese words 花 and 吐く, flower and to vomit. We’ve noticed that it’s from unrequited love,” she glanced at you and then the flower petals, “Do you…do you love someone? Do you believe they don’t love you back?”

You played with your hair, suddenly the floor looking interesting. “Um…I…I guess,”

“You guess?”

“I do. I…kinda just realized it and then spiraled for a little. On Wednesday, when I first coughed them up.”

“I see. I’m going to give you options and I will definitely push you towards a specific one. But I want you to know that it is entirely up to you, what you want to do,” sighing, she leaned onto her knees. “You could confess, and if your feelings get reciprocated the flowers will leave your body through a few days. If they don’t, then your lungs will grow with flowers faster and you’ll suffocate. If you do, come to the ER immediately.

“The last option is surgery, we remove the flowers and any roots in your lungs. But it’s a complicated surgery, and if successful you lose all memories of said person and you’ll never feel anything for them ever again. It’s a last resort for a reason, and if you even think they return your feelings, confess. I mean it, you need to confess.”

❀DAY 8, SUNDAY 11:37AM, YOUR ROOM

Laying on your bed, you pulled your blankets over your shoulders, tucking yourself in. Getting up seemed to take up so much more energy these days, it was so much effort, effort you couldn't seem to put in.

Your phone rang, and you left it. It stopped for a few seconds before ringing again. You sighed as it stopped again. It pinged a few times, two followed by one more before your phone silenced. You couldn't bring yourself to check, even though you knew it was Wonwoo, you set his notifications to have a special ringer. You were just… tired.

Nonu ❙

Hey, are you okay?

??? Hello??? You always answer, are you sick??

??? I’m coming over.

❀12:42PM

Wonwoo knocked on your door, before opening it. Seeing you still tucked into your bed confused him.

“I know I've asked this a couple times, but are you okay?” He sat on your bed, patting your leg. “Hello? Have you not woken up just yet?”

You hummed lightly. “No…I’m tired,”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to be alone? You seem…well tired,”

You hummed again. He couldn't tell what you were feeling, facing away from him and barely saying anything.

“I’ll go, but I hope you feel better. I’ll get Mai and Kimi to take care of you,”

❀DAY 10, TUESDAY 11:23AM

Knocking on the door, Mai entered the room after a beat.

“You haven’t woken up yet?” She questioned, sitting on the bed. “You ok? I haven’t seen you wake up later than 9 since we were high schoolers,”

“Maiiii,” You whined. “I’m so TIRED, I can't even explain why!”

“The petals?”

“Of course, it's the– How do you know about them?”

He shrugged. “Kimi told me a little, sorry.”

“It's fine. I mean, you would've found out anyways,”

“Yeah, I would've. What happened, like why are they a thing? Kimi only mumbled something about petals and blood and purple– good color by the way,”

“I mean, the doctor said it's this stupid thing called hanahaki–”

“Like, hana as in 花, as in flower?”

“Uh, I think– STOP you're distracting me!” You jumped out from the covers.

“Yeah, but that got you out of bed. That was the goal~”

“You are the worst,”

Pulling you by the hands, Mai led you to the dining room.

“Our zombie lives!” cheered Kimi.

Flipping Kimi off, you pried yourself from Mai’s arms. “What was that for? I was gonna get out of bed eventually, it's only–”

“Only 11:23!” Kimi cut her off. “You are two hours late youngster!”

“To what?”

“To civilization! You have never–”

“Once woken up after 9, yes I am aware,”

“So you are aware we were worried, right?” Kimi huffed. “Now, eat! You are a growing child, no child of mine will starve!”

“I'm 20. We are the same age,”

“And,” Mai cut in. “I'm 21. I say you eat and get yourself freshened up. We are having a roommates day out,”

“What happened to my childhood friend,” you sulked.

“She has gone nowhere, I have always been your mother,” Mai chided. “Now eat, you actually look like a zombie,”

❀12:15PM, HALF MOON CAFE

“So, young child of mine,” Kimi started, placing the group’s order down. “Why have you been coughing up a storm, and why are there bloody flowers everywhere? You only mumbled something about them, and I want to know why!”

The three of them were in a small cafe they frequented often, mainly due to your part-time job there.

“Still can’t believe you guys got me here on my day off,” you sighed, playing with your drink. “It’s nothing. I already went to a doctor, she said it was ‘Hanahaki’ or something,”

“Hana as–”

“Yes hana as in 花, as in flower. Why did you both ask the same question?”

“I needed clarification,” Kimi shrugged. “But like, what’s the haki part? Like what even is hanahaki?”

“The haki is 吐く, like to vomit,”

“It’s a disease where flowers grow in your- in your lungs?!” Mai read from his phone, head whipping to you. “And you could die?”

“Not so loud– lord why did we go here,”

“I’m sorry– you’re upset I’m being loud? You could die, do not tell me to be quiet?”

You sighed, “Look, this is why I didn’t want to tell anyone! They get all dramatic, it’s not a big deal. It’s due to unrequited love, so all I have to do is unfall in love.”

“Uh, speaking as the person who’s in a committed relationship,” Kimi injected. “Impossibly hard. Like, I’m talking insanely hard. I mean–”

“We get it,” Mai said, cupping her face. “Look, it even took me a while to get over my first ex, and he stalked me! I’m with Kimi, there are easier ways to do this.”

“Except there’s not! It's either I unfall in love, confess, or get surgery! And, mind you, that surgery will remove all my memories of said person and remove all my feelings. It’s not like I can do that. I can’t lose someone I’m in love with– and I can’t lose my feelings! How am I supposed to live without being happy, or sad, or–”

“Then confess! They’ll reciprocate them, I’m sure.” Mai held your hands. “Please, I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you, you’re too important to us.”

“I am not confessing–”

“Confessing?” A voice cut in, Wonwoo. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“Wonwoo! No, no! I haven’t been avoiding you, I’ve–”

“Been busy.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, if this was over some guy, you could've told me. I would've gotten it and backed off,”

You stood up. “It is not! Look, we went over schedules– we were both booked! You cannot say I have been ignoring you,”

“Does that mean you can’t answer my texts? Or calls?” He argued, walking away from you and out of the cafe.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t do the same to me. How come you’re acting like I’m doing it on purpose!” You followed.

“I haven’t ghosted you, never for days on end!”

“Oh sure,” You stopped and rolled your eyes. “I’m not arguing about this, not in public,”

“Oh so you’re running away, like always?” Wonwoo turnt around. “Like you always do when something happens, like the coward you are?”

Your eyes watered as you stumbled back like you were struck. “Fine! Yes, I’m running away, just like you said! Just like I always have, according to you, but don’t you dare try to come talk to me.”

❀DAY 13, FRIDAY 7:37PM, CHOI SEUNGCHEOL’S APARTMENT

You and Kimi walked into Seungcheol’s party, being eagerly greeted by Kim Mingyu.

He cheered both of your names. “Let me get you drinks, come in! I’m not allowed to help you with your coats, Cheol is worried about me breaking something again.”

Laughing, Kimi pat him on the arm. “It’s fine! I’m here to be sober, drunk watch and all that,”

“Mai forced her to be my babysitter,” You sulked. “Like I’m gonna get drunk off my ass or something…”

Mingyu and Kimi gave each other a knowing look. Like you hadn't been upset since the fight. Kimi pushed you further into the house, hearing the chatter of the others. Mai and Kimi figured it was best to get you to talk to someone, and what better way than to get her drunk with friends?

❀11:34PM

Bad idea. Mai and Kimi both forgot one important thing about a drunk you. You were an emotional drunk. Meaning, right now? You were sobbing your ass off, drunk, over Wonwoo.

Kimi could barely understand you because you were muffled by–

“Fuck,” Kimi muttered, launching herself towards you. “Spit them out, I fucking mean it you drunk fuck. Spit. Them. Out.”

You listened. Saliva and blood covered petals fell into Kimi’s hand. You fell into Kimi’s arms, still sobbing.

“He hates me Kimi! He does. He hasn't talked to me in 3 days! The longest we’ve gone is probably around a couple hours! Never this long,”

Kimi sighed, petting your hair. It pained them all to see her like this.

“He doesn't hate you, yknow,” Mingyu said, also patting you on the back. “He’s just upset right now. He’s probably also crying right now,”

“I don't want him crying over me!” You sobbed even harder.

Seungkwan hit Mingyu away, clicking his tongue. “Ignore him, Mingyu’s dumb. We know this. Wonwoo’s upset, but he’s not crying. He's probably thinking about what happened and trying to figure out how to apologize to you,”

“But he doesn't have to apologize, I was the one being a bitch!”

“All of you leave her alone,” Jeonghan swatted everyone besides Kimi. “Sweetheart, honey, drink this,”

He handed you a cup of water, urging you to drink. You tried to drink it, but instead a full flower came out of her mouth.

“FUCK,” Kimi shouted. “Fuck fuck- where’s their phone? Hurry one of you, give it to me!”

Kimi dialed your doctor, explaining that you had actually coughed up a flower. “C’mon hun, c’mon. Get up, we have to visit someone,”

“What's happening?” Mingyu questioned. “Kimi– what was that? Why did a flower come out of their mouth? Kimi?”

“Don't, don't worry. Just call Mai for me, tell her we're at the hospital. She’ll know why,” Kimi explained. “Sorry to bring the mood down,”

“Don't be. Now go, go! It seems urgent,” Cheol pushed the two of you out of the apartment.

❀11:48PM, SEOUL HOSPITAL

Your doctor sighed, closing the door behind her and facing Kimi and Mai. “I’m to assume you two are their roommates, meaning they told one of you at least a little?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Kimi fidgeted. “She told me a little, just like, uh she was coughing flowers cuz of something called hanahaki? Uhm.. and that it was a disease caused by–”

“Unrequited love, yes. However, that’s not something we’re entirely sure about,”

“What do you mean, not entirely sure about? Did you tell her something incorrect about a disease that could kill her!?” Mai shouted.

“Yes and no,” Doctor Kim sighed. “Look, ladies, hanahaki is rare– we’re not sure about everything. But, there's a theory, that I have personally searched into, that it’s not unrequited love. More like, insecurity in the afflicted. The flowers, do you know what they are and what they mean?”

“Oh! Uhm, I think I remember our friend saying they were bittersweet? And that they meant truth? Truthfulness?”

“Then, there. They likely need to tell the truth, if the theory holds up. Either way though, one of you should get whoever they’re crushing, or in love with, here as soon as you can. I will make an exception for you three, and only you three, to be here after hours if they have not gained consciousness. The other should stay with them. I don't want any surprises,”

❀11:57PM

“Where are they!?” Wonwoo bursted into the hospital lobby.

Ignoring the onlooking staff, he went straight towards Mai.

“Mai, you cannot call me, say my best friend is in the hospital, and then not give me context,” he said, holding the dead tired girl by the shoulders.

“You hung up on me right after I said they were here! I’m not calling you back and getting you into an accident– we do not need that! Now, come. I'll bring you to them, your job is to get them to actually tell you the truth. I don't care what it takes, they have to.”

Leading the barely taller man, Mai opened the door to your hospital room. Pulling Kimi out, Mai quickly pat you on the head with a quiet, “Confess,”

“Wonu?” You croaked.

“Hey,” He sat on the edge of her bed. “What happened? Why are you here– why have you been avoiding me? I thought we told each other everything,”

He looks heartbroken, you thought, heart clenching at it. “It- it wasn't your fault, Wonu. I just- if I told you, I’d lose you. I can’t do that,”

“But you're here, in a hospital. Mai said you could die. Why do you think I can live without you?”

“I-”

“Please. You’re my best friend, I can’t lose you,”

Bursting into tears, you sobbed. “Exactly! I’m your best friend, that's all I’ll ever be! Wonwoo, have you ever thought I wanted to be more than friends with you?”

“Wh–”

“It’s you, it has always been you! I just had a shitty way of finding out, and now I’m dying! I don't want to die. I want to live out my life with you, and Mai, and Kimi, and and just– everyone! But if I get the surgery I lose my best friend– the love of my life! It's either I lose you by confessing, or I lose you by forgetting you, or I lose everyone by dying! I don't want this–”

“Hey, hey,” Wonwoo wiped the tears from your face. “Who said you’d ever lose me? Remember, I will always be here for you. Always. Besides, I’ve loved you ‘since forever’. You have nothing to fear,”

Your eyes overflowed with tears, and your mouth, flowers. Calling a doctor, Wonwoo was quickly kicked from the room. Worried, he quickly walked to the lobby.

“Wonwoo!” Kimi exclaimed, bouncing anxiously towards him. “Where- where are they? Why are you out here?”

“Well, I got kicked out. We confessed but then they started coughing again and–”

“You finally confessed? Like, for real none of that ‘I love you, as a friend’ bullshit?”

“Yes– why is that what you're focusing on? They started coughing flowers again, Kimi,”

“I know, I know, but I’ve been waiting for this since I met you two. That was our first year of high school!”

“Stop fighting you two,” Mai butt in. “What happened? Why are you out here?”

❀DAY 14, SATURDAY 12:21AM

After explaining everything, the three of them went to hunt Doctor Kim down. Meaning, they were waiting outside of your room.

Walking out of your room, Doctor Kim turnt around and jumped. “Oh, you three scared me. Sorry, sorry. I should’ve told you to go home. But, they're fine. They’re resting now, you can visit when the hospital opens up again and you can see them then,”

“We can’t leave her!” Kimi whisper shouted, still aware of the fact that you were likely sleeping.

“No, you can’t but you will. I understand you’re scared about them, but they’ll be fine. They’ll have to stay here for another few days, but it’s just so we can monitor them. You can visit, but only during visiting hours. Now shoo, you are college students here on a Saturday,”

❀1:19PM, YOUR HOSPITAL ROOM

Wonwoo walked into the room, with a bouquet of aster flowers. Chuckling Wonwoo put them on the bedside table.

“Sorry, I know it’s a little soon,” Wonwoo sat. “but I asked your friend, um, Sayu? She said you thought they were pretty, the flowers, that is. Aster, she called them.”

You laughed softly. “It’s ok Wonu, they’re lovely. I love them, thank you,”

He smiled. “I’m glad. I know we only just established everything but I want to ask, can I be your boyfriend?”

You laughed, and Wonwoo pouted at that. “Sorry, sorry I’m not laughing at you. Never at you. Yes, of course you can be my boyfriend. Why’d I ever say no, I don’t know.”

THE END<3

[gblogg]

Hi G! For a mini fic, how about a female oc of your choosing getting food poisoning on a date and their partner has to help them find a place to throw up? Like maybe they're walking around and need to find a private park or parking lot or something! Thank you!

Thank you for the request, Lis! I'm so sorry that it took me this long. Also, I went a little overboard with this because it was so fun to write, so it's probably not a mini fic anymore, lol. Anyways, this is my first fic on Rose and Ezme. Enjoy!

"You ready?" Rose asked as she walked over and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, who was fixing her hair in the mirror.

Ezme smiled as their eyes met in the mirror. "Mhm, I just don't like my hair. It won't cooperate." She frowned and dropped her hands at her side. Rose furrowed her brows, confused.

"It looks fine, darling," she said, kissing the top of her head. "I always love your hair, ma chèrie," she added, walking away. Ezme grinned and nodded, smoothing down her top and following.

They had made it to the restaurant, and Ezme had picked a Thai restaurant for them to eat at. She had ordered most of the menu because she wanted to try everything, since it was their first time trying it.

"Are you not hungry?" Ezme asked, as she noticed that Rose had hardly touched her food. Rose must've zoned out, as she was snapped back into reality hearing Ezme's voice.

She started scraping the food around on her plate. "Hm?" She answered, "What did you say?" A hiccup jolted her body, and Ezme raised her brows.

"I said, are you not hungry?" Rose didn't look up, and Ezme touched her hand. "You feeling okay, baby?" Rose sighed, looked up. Her face had become slightly pale, and she was sweating.

"Yeah, I feel fine," Ezme didn't believe her for one minute. She always knew when her girlfriend wasn't feeling well. She squinted her eyes and started monitoring her carefully.

"You know I don't believe you, right? You can't lie to save your life, babe." Rose looked her in the eyes for a second and gave up, seeing her piercing glare. She looked away and leaned back against the chair, sighing.

She burped into her fist, feeling the relief of not having to lie or hide how bad she felt. "I think the lunch I ate was bad or something," Ezme's sharp gaze softened as she realised just how bad the other woman felt.

"Are you nauseous?" Ezme's question was answered with a grimace and a nod. Rose placed her head on the table, shutting her eyes and exhaling slowly. The nausea she had been feeling since lunch was starting to increase, leaving her with this disgusting feeling in her stomach. She moaned as the silence was interrupted with a gurgle, loud enough for them both to hear.

She jumped up suddenly, her face had dropped another two shades. She muffled a wet burp against her hand and shut her eyes. Ezme turned her head and looked at her girlfriend, concerned. "What -" Before she could finish, Rose darted to the bathroom.

Ezme immediately followed her to the bathroom, concerned. She figured that Rose hardly made it as she heard liquid hit liquid and her girlfriend coughing. She found her crouched in front of the toilet with one shaky hand against the wall. Ezme's heart ached as this was a miserable image.

Rose burped up more chunky liquid into the bowl, and Ezme made a face as she heard her girlfriend make a strangled noise when more vomit forced its way up her throat, choking her. Ezme shushed her and rubbed her back as she noticed the tears streaming down Rose's face. She sniffled and wiped her hand across her mouth.

"Here baby, blow your nose." She had a piece of toilet paper in her hands, and Rose grabbed it, sniffling again.

She dropped against her girlfriend and took a deep breath before talking. "I'm sorry, I ruined our date," Ezme shook her head, dismissing her choice of words. She moved her bangs out of her face, looking down at her face.

"You just puked like crazy and you're worrying about the stupid date? I'm more worried about you right now, love." Ezme smiled as her girlfriend snuggled against her lap.

Ezme patted the top of Rose's head, "Okay, we have to get off this disgusting bathroom floor." Rose groaned and nodded slowly, agreeing. Ezme stood up and pulled Rose up off the ground, catching her as she started swaying.

They were walking back to the parking lot when Rose suddenly stopped, bracing her hands against her knees, moaning. Ezme stopped at her side, touching her back and rubbing in circles. "You gonna throw up again?" Ezme already knew the answer to that question but asked anyway. She gently pulled Rose's hair back. Without warning, Rose brought up a huge gush of vomit, which made a terrible noise coming up, causing Ezme to hold back a gag.

Rose gasped for breath as a horrible hiccup sent up another splash of liquid, joining the mess already in front of her. Rose coughed, feeling her throat burn. Ezme furrowed her brows, feeling a twinge of guilt as she couldn't do anything to help her poor girlfriend. "Holy shit baby, there's no way you can still have anything left. You're done."

Rose burped emptily and straightened up, with a hand on her stomach. "Fuck.. I'm never eating at that place again." She burped again, spitting out the saliva pooling her mouth threatening to set off her stomach again.

Ezme nodded, "I wouldn't imagine you eating there again anyway, baby. Now, can we please move away from this.. masterpiece?" She gestured towards the pool of vomit infornt of them, smiling.

"You don't appreciate my art?" Ezme rolled her eyes, and they both laughed, walking towards the car.

[sharkneto]

hi!!!! I was rereading the shifting mirrors and holding it together since you finished joining together recently (it’s SO good, it’s so so SO good, your writing is always so well done and flows so well) and I had a couple questions. Sorry if this is weird - if you don’t want to answer them feel free to ignore this ask, I’m just curious!

1.) did you start writing joining together while you were still posting holding it together? a lot of the details I noticed in HIT were referenced in JT, and I was just kind of like ‘that’s a LOT of details to remember’ so I was wondering if you were working backwards !!

2.) have you ever thought about what happens at the end of HIT? do you think they would actually end up stopping the apocalypse, or would the commission try to come and correct them? I thought that was interesting - that the commission said they were done with five, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re done with the offshoot timeline ; if they hadn’t interfered prior, that would mean they were still on track for an apocalypse, right ? I like to speculate about this. with sheer strength of will I think that five would probably end up stopping it, mostly because he knows how to work through his rage rather than act on impulse again - and now he has the knowledge to try and connect the others so that viktor doesn’t feel so isolated.

3.) what was your favorite part of writing the story / what kept you motivated to keep it going ? I’ve started a couple chaptered fics, and then I get three or four chapters in and lose it completely.

I love, love, love the world youve created - I love the characters youve built and the personalities behind them. the dedication youve held on to to keep the series going is admirable; I can barely write 20k, much less hundreds of thousands of words. I was actually thinking of asking your permission to maybe write an offshoot of your offshoot (it might be the thing that gets me back into writing for tua) but idk if I’d have the imagination or creativity to make it nearly as compelling and fun as yours. Congratulations and great work on finishing it !! <333

this got long - feel free to ignore it if it’s overstepping or weird, lol !! I hope you’re doing well - have a great night, shark :)

Hey Toby! Glad you enjoyed it all so much and thanks for the kind words! It's a little surreal to have it done, JT has been a WIP almost as long as I've been into TUA.

I started writing JT before HIT. This whole series was supposed to be a Just For Me Fun Project while I rotted alone during the pandemic that I ended up sharing with permission from orsumfenix and encouragement from friends. I was a bit into JT, I think, when I started thinking about how fun it would be to get more siblings in here, and those musing became HIT. HIT got posted first because it had a lower barrier for entry, with more focus on the Hargreeves we know instead of OCs. So, because the stories were written more-or-less simultaneously, it was easy to reference one or set up something for the other. Working forwards and backwards, with the end of JT already written (in a rough draft) when I was writing HIT, so I knew where Rob, Sarah, and Number were coming off of at that point. (The tiny detail I'm most fond of is Allison in HIT noting that Number broke his nose at some point, and then in JT we get to see the stupid scenario in which he broke his nose.)

(rest under a readmore because I ramble)

I do have thoughts on what happens after HIT! More of a time jump, to Number's Apocalypse Week, and I've got words in a WIP started about that (and a few snips shared in my snip tag, although some I think I've changed some of the details, now). It goes... less smoothly than it should, for a guy who has (almost) all the details he needs. If motivation continues, I'll share that eventually. If it doesn't, I'll word-vomit an outline so at least people who are interested can know how it goes down. I don't see the Commission coming back - the people obsessed with Five are dead, and the organization is done with him. They don't have the resources to spare to keep going after him, so at least in Five and Number's timelines, they're out of the Commission's scope.

What kept me going was a combo of things. 2020-2022ish, I had a fuckton of time. I only worked three days a week because of covid protocols, I couldn't go anywhere because of covid, and I couldn't see anyone because of covid. I had four days a week to fill, and a lot of that time got filled with writing - all of HIT and the first draft of JT happened during this time, plus all the other fics I published throughout that time. What kept me going is that I was having a ton of fun writing and fun interacting with other people about my fics. Love, love, love talking about them (so never apologize for an ask like this, every fic writer is begging for an excuse to ramble like this). I liked thinking about the characters, thinking about Number doing mundane things I was doing made them more interesting, I liked thinking about Rob and Sarah's little romcom life, and I'm fascinated by Five's whole deal. My favorite part of writing these is Five (both versions of him) - thinking about him and how he'd react to x or y, how others react to him. I love that, at his core, he's kind of a loser. I love what an incredible vehicle for grief he is. He's a character of all time for me.

How to keep going, I don't have an easy answer for it. Some people outline, so they have the skeleton of what they're doing and where they're going. I'm not one of those people, I have an idea of the general shape and trajectory of the story and go from there, splitting up chapters as needed. I think it's important to not force it, or the writer's block gets worse and then you're stressed about writing instead of having fun with it, and that's no good - the point is to have fun. If you run out of steam, you run out of steam and you have to take a six-month hiatus until life calms down and you have words again (as a hypothetical example). Don't be afraid to poke at other ideas even if you have a giant fic unfinished. For having 25 fics on AO3, I have 35 other WIP files on my computer. Some of them have a couple hundred words, some have tens of thousands of words, some of them I'll come back to finish, some of them I won't. Such is life - some ideas have legs, others don't. I don't set out thinking "Oh this fic is going to be 50k words with 10 chapters". I just write until it feels done; sometimes that's 2k words, sometimes it's almost 200k words. The point I'm trying to make, here, is that we're all just fucking around having fun, and words flow easier when I'm remembering that and not stressing about being done or trying to finish for a self-imposed deadline. You've got it :)

Feel free to write in my little world! Would love to see what others are thinking about, what stuck with them. Just give me (and orsumfenix, if you use Number) a shoutout if you share it! And don't sell yourself short - I'm sure you've got great ideas and the chops to write them out. Don't compare yourself to me; you might write in a world I helped shape, but you've got your own voice and style to give it. I, for one (if you end up writing and sharing it), would love to hear your version of it all :)

[heykoonsy]

Word Count:  2.8k+

Pairing: Husk x Angel Dust (HuskerDust/AngelHusk), slight Angel Dust x OC

Summary: “Give him everything but your ass.” Angel Dust was tasked with one job: convince the investor to subsidize Valentino’s agency. Angel was more of a closer to Valentino, enticing the wealthier of his associates into funding projects for him. However, this latest pitch didn’t go as planned and Angel’s hubris prevented him from seeing the potential drawbacks of a one night stand with someone Valentino marked. In this slow burn love story, Angel must confront the worst parts of himself if he is going to win back his career.

Content Warnings: Rated 18+ for foul language, graphic depictions of a panic attack

Author's Note: Whoops! I forgot to post the second part! This chapter proceeds one of my favorite scenes in this whole series. Enjoy, I'll post the next chapter next week.

Angel Dust turned over in bed, his attempts at ignoring his phone proving difficult if not impossible. He’d been lying there all morning, tossing and turning and fighting the urge to vomit. Angel sat up for a moment, grabbing his phone and opening it. He went to his chat with Cherri, which he’d been opening up every few minutes despite the fact that he knew he hadn’t gotten a response yet. 

He was thinking with a clear head now–well, as clear as his head could be after a night of booze and miscellaneous pills. It seemed to throb in response to the memories of last night, so he rubbed his temple with his available hand. He read his texts to Cherri over and over again. 

Hey

About last night

I wanted to say that i’m sorry, it wasn’t right to ditch you

With everything going on these days i’ve been a fucking mess babe

He sighed, looking at the time stamp on each text. No response–and he knew he wouldn’t be receiving any any time soon. Not after how he acted. Fuck, he was lucky that Cherri tracked him down and got him home safe. Of course, he was too much of an ass last night to realize that. When she dropped him off at the door of the hotel, he’d chosen to thank her for her kindness by flipping her off and blaming her for his blue balls. 

He was despicable. 

He turned off his phone before setting it down on the nightstand by his bed. He sighed, his eyes going anywhere else. Like towards his disaster of a room. His pile system had reared its ugly head but Angel couldn’t muster up the energy to get out of bed. A clean room was overrated anyway, he found his things just fine. 

Angel brought his knees into his chest, hugging them as his eyes caught Fat Nuggets passed out on top of his dirty clothing pile by the door. By the looks of it, Angel had obscured his bed again. If he couldn’t bring himself to do laundry, the least he could do was take Fat Nuggets on a walk. He wasn’t completely useless. 

Angel rose and threw on some presentable clothing. Fat Nuggets woke up by the time he’d put his shoes on and was nudging his leg with his snout. Angel patted his head. 

“Wanna go for a walk?”

Fat Nuggets sprang into action, digging around the laundry piles for where his leash had been discarded. He brought it to Angel triumphantly, and waited patiently for Angel to put it on. 

Angel walked into the lobby with Fat Nuggets at his side. He looked over at the bar to see Husk cutting a bunch of fruit into slices. Just the smell of the citrus reminded him of all the lemon drops he did last night. Fat Nuggets pulled on his lead to go towards him, but Angel picked him up and took him outside.

Once outside, Angel breathed in some of the fresh air. He put Fat Nuggets down, and he seemed to huff at him. 

“Sorry Nugs, Daddy is feelin’ sick today,” he said softly. 

The two of them embarked on their walk together. Angel figured that he would go towards the park today since there were always food trucks parked alongside the street. His stomach gave a hearty rumble at the thought of a greasy hot dog–or better still–a set of tacos with loads of sour cream. Angel could barely contain his excitement so he picked up the pace. 

They arrived at the park in no time and Angel looked around to see which vendors he had the pleasure of choosing from today. The mini pancake truck, the mini donut truck…fuck yes, there she was–Torch’s Tacos–parked in plain view with no line. The sight almost brought a tear to his eye. He walked over quickly, wanting nothing more than to order his favorite hangover food. 

He stepped up to the truck and ordered quickly–and Torch, the owner–came out to pet Fat Nuggets as his employees made his tacos. In a few minutes, Angel sat down at a park bench and chowed the fuck down. While he ate, Torch came over and slapped a plastic dish that was full of fixin’s for Fat Nuggets. 

“On the house,” Torch said happily. “He’s adorable.”

Angel thanked him and Fat Nuggets started eating heartily. 

Once breakfast was over, Angel threw all the scraps in a nearby trash can. He wanted to eat more, but his hangover would only allow so much food to go in at once. Angel hoped that it would all stay down–he really didn’t want to repeat this cycle thirty minutes from now. Regardless, he stood and began walking around the park. Fat Nuggets oinked happily as they made their way through, sniffing anything that he came into contact with. 

Then, as they made their way out of the park and down the street, Angel felt a pang of nausea hit him out of nowhere. He felt his stomach begin to ache and his mouth began producing mass amounts of saliva. He swallowed, which only made it worse. He looked around towards several businesses–none of which were open. He started to think that a nearby alley would suffice, until he saw a cafe. 

Angel walked as calmly as he could towards the cafe and only when he walked inside and saw the sign for the restroom did he start running. Angel threw open the door and walked into the only stall and threw up everything he had eaten. Fat Nuggets paced at his legs, no doubt worried about him. 

“Daddy’s okay, Nugs,” Angel managed out before another wave of nausea hit. “Fuck me,” he said before he gagged again.

A few minutes later and everything Angel had eaten–as well as the alcohol that had settled at the bottom of his stomach–was gone. He went towards the sink and washed out his mouth. He looked at himself in the mirror. The mascara that he’d put on last night was smudged–the tears from his vomit-session staining his cheeks black. He grabbed a paper towel and began cleaning himself up. 

Angel made his way towards the door of the cafe quickly, not making eye contact with anyone within the small building. He’d done his best to clean up–but he still looked like shit. Now was not the time to meet with a fan or a colleague–that was for fucking sure. He stepped onto the sidewalk, taking in the fresh air again. 

“We better get home Nugs, before Daddy pukes again.” 

“Well, if it isn’t the Angel Dust,” a voice called from the door of the cafe. 

Angel looked over, and his eyes widened in shock. 

“Agony,” Angel said, nearly breathless.

“Long time no see,” Agony said, walking towards him. 

“Yeah, sorry for not keeping in touch after…” Angel trailed off. 

Agony let the silence hang in the air, and it seemed like he was waiting for Angel to say something. 

“Agony, I–

“I already know,” Agony’s eyes snapped over to Angel.

Angel knit his eyebrows together, “What do you mean?”

“I know why Valentino canceled Brut’s project,” he said, his shoulders tensing as he spoke. 

Angel Dust hesitated for a moment. He wanted to say something–anything–but the fact that Agony knew was sending his head in a spin.

“Do you know what it’s been like? For me?” Agony said, the hurt evident in his tone. “The work dried up after I was let go–anything I get now is because of some friends in the industry.”

“Have you heard from–

“What do you care? Your career is doing just fine last time I checked, Mr. Best Male Performer. Congrats on the nomination by the way.”

Angel felt Fat Nuggets tug on his leash. “Agony, you have it all wrong.”

“What, you didn’t get me and Brut fired?”

Angel shifted his weight awkwardly. “It was Val, he–he was pissed that I–

“I don’t need your excuses,” Agony said. “Tezan told me everything.”

Angel clammed up, his eyes searching Agony’s. “I don’t know what he told you, but Tezan isn’t–

“This isn’t about him, Angel.” Agony said. “It’s about you.”

“I’m sorry that I got you fired,” Angel said, his voice higher than he wanted it to come out. 

“This isn’t about the job, Angel! All these months and you never checked on me to see if I was okay.”

Angel stood there as Agony lowered his head. 

“I didn’t just lose my job, I lost my friend,” Agony said after a few moments.

Angel took a step closer to him, and Agony recoiled. “I wanted to make things right, that’s why I–

“I don’t care,” Agony spat out. “Delete my number–if you even saved it in your phone in the first place.”

Angel watched as Agony walked away from him and the small crowd that was gathering around them as they fought in the street. Angel grabbed Fat Nuggets and took off running in the opposite direction. He ran as fast as he could–the wind stinging his eyes as he made his way towards the hotel. When he got there, he stopped just inside the door.

He breathed deeply, Fat Nuggets struggling to break free of his hold. Angel let him down and he scuffled towards the bar. 

“You good, kid?” Husk said from across the lobby. 

Angel heard the words echo in his head. He looked over at Husk, who was coming around the side of the bar towards him. His heavy breathing soon became gasps. 

“Kid?” Husk prompted, Fat Nuggets following him as he began walking over with more urgency. 

Angel brought his hands to his head, cupping his palms around his temples as he tried to will himself into calming down. His gasping turned into choked sobs in the blink of an eye and tears began streaming down his face. 

“Angel,” Husk said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Angel felt his touch, and his entire body jolted from the contact. He threw himself back, and Husk stepped closer. 

“Go away,” Angel’s voice strained against his sobs, his hands going to the floor to pick up Fat Nuggets. Once he gathered him in his hands, Angel started towards the stairs–to his room. 

But Husk grabbed his arm, stopping his progress towards his place of solitude. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Angel spat out quickly and tore his hand away. “Leave me the fuck alone.”

Angel didn’t spare him another glance before he ran away. He sprinted to his room, setting Fat Nuggets down on his bed as he paced. He tripped over laundry piles as he walked around his room–trying to calm himself down. But instead of quieter, his sobs became louder, echoing in his bedroom. He covered his mouth, feeling his tears stream down them as well. 

All he could think about was his exchange with Agony. The guilt and shame washed over him all over again in an instant. All those weeks that Angel had been agonizing over his role in getting Agony fired he hadn’t reached out once. He hadn’t even thought about it. He just resigned himself to believing that Agony wouldn’t want to hear from him. 

Then, his mind went to Tezan.

Not only did he manage to figure out that Spitzers was opening his own agency–he’d somehow caught on that Angel was arranging for Brut and Agony to join him. In one foul swoop, Tezan had managed to destroy everything. 

Angel wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming, but they wouldn’t subside. But without looking where he was going, Angel tripped on a pile of laundry and fell forward. He picked himself up, planting his ass on the floor with his bed to his back. He pulled his knees into himself and cried harder. 

Angel barely heard the door open, and when he looked up he saw Husk. 

“Would you just go?” Angel asked him, the lump in his throat making it hard to speak. 

“No,” Husk said. 

Angel hid his face in his arms, the urge to hide himself coming as easily as his tears. 

Husk didn’t say anything–he simply came and sat down next to Angel. At first, the intrusion was unwelcome. Angel wanted to push him towards the door until he was able to slam it in his face. But all he could do was cry. 

“Please leave,” Angel begged.

“Take some deep breaths,” Husk said quietly. 

Angel clamped his mouth shut, not wanting to make any loud noises. He breathed in through his nose slowly and when he exhaled, another sob came out.

“Get outta my room!”

“Would you just let me sit with ya!?”

Angel looked at Husk, and threw his fuzzy vision he made out Husk’s concerned expression. He blinked and several tears fell away onto his cheeks. Angel hid his face again, this time, doing as Husk asked and started to focus on breathing. He struggled to get some air around his sobs–but he did well enough. He stuttered on a few inhales, but after a while, even his tears stopped. 

He followed his breaths in and out, feeling his lungs swell and deflate. The sensation soothed him. When it looked like he was through the worst of it, he looked over at Husk. He was sitting with one leg crossed and the other bent looking at his hands as they lay on his lap. He didn’t look over at Angel once, which he supposed he should be grateful for. Angel looked and felt like a mess–Husk didn’t need to see that. 

“I’m fine now,” Angel sniffed. 

Husk didn’t look at him, instead choosing to close his hand into a fist.

“I’m serious, you don’t need to be here.”

This time, Husk did look over at him–and his face seemed tired. 

“What?”

“You’ve been off for a while now,” Husk said, his eyes finding the piles of laundry in front of them. 

Angel tried to think back to his interactions with Husk. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” 

It seemed that Husk wasn’t willing to elaborate either, because he shrugged.

“I’m good,” Angel lied, “Really, I don’t need you here.”

“You’re in the pits, ain’t ya?” Husk looked at him dead in the eyes.

Angel clammed up, he looked away from him, suddenly not to keen on eye contact.

“I don’t care if you tell me or not, but I’m gonna sit with ya until you get it figured out.”

“Then you’re gonna be sittin’ for a while,” Angel remarked bitterly. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Husk didn’t say anything after that, just continued to sit with Angel. To be honest, it was making him kind of uncomfortable. He wanted to fill the silence–no–he needed to. 

“Things haven’t been goin’ that great for me, not really.” Angel said after a long while. 

Husk remained quiet. 

“I was working on a project with some real talent a few months ago. Valentino wanted me to charm an investor so we could fund advertising, but I got too close and Valentino blacklisted him.” Angel recounted. “Valentino dropped the project and everyone lost their jobs. He then made me whore myself out to other investors.”

Husk listened without batting an eye.

“After Valentino started working with him, I didn’t feel safe at work so I got rid of him the only way I knew how.”

Husk nodded his head, no doubt recalling the situation. He’d given him the advice that prevented Tezan from bothering him too much at work.

“I recorded him badmouthing Valentino–so he blacklisted him too,” Angel sighed. “But he’s held a grudge, and I guess I can’t blame him.”

Husk waited for Angel to continue.

“The first investor? I ran into him and he was doing perfectly fine despite the blacklist–so I told him that he should open his own agency. I even steered him towards that talented director that Valentino fired.”

Angel smiled bitterly as he recalled the conversation with Spitzers. He was so happy that he might actually be able to fix his mistake from before by giving Brut and Agony work again. But…

“The other investor caught on to my plan I guess and met with my co-star, Agony. He told him that I was the reason the project got dropped. He said he couldn’t find work, and…” Angel trailed off. 

Husk waited patiently for him to continue, but Angel wasn’t sure that he could. He finally realized what Agony was saying to him in front of the cafe. 

“He told me he was in the pits–and he didn’t have me there to sit with him,” Angel said, his eyes stinging with tears again. He hid his face again, letting his tears fall quietly. Then, he felt Husk’s hand on his back. He didn’t jolt this time, or try to shake him off. Instead, he allowed Husk’s gentle touch to soothe him.

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[godkilller]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

I will always ship Ginran above all else, but Aigin is lovely too and has some spice to it -- and I could be convinced to dabble in other pairings considering activity's been sparse from my shipping partners (not their fault, life's tiring and I'm barely here too!) and Gin's a social butterfly. I've opened my eyes to the potential for Gin and Izuru, but on my terms and not at all in the fanon's direction. Ultimately people shouldn't try to ship with me unless they're mentally prepared for their character to be constantly contesting against Rangiku in terms of their importance to Gin. As a sidenote; Shipping Gin with an OC is nearly impossible, as he requires knowing someone since the dawn of time to ever consider developing feelings for them, and I'm not too keen on people inserting their OCs into my character's past solely to avoid doing the heavy lifting of courtship.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

I'm not afraid of dipping into the toxicity of certain dynamics, nor am I one to ignore the cruelty that Gin can exude -- he's manipulative, possessive, and altogether a murderous obsessed freak. No amount of unconventional devotion can hide the darker parts of him, though I am also one to enjoy writing Gin experiencing and attempting domesticity and the softness that comes with it. I'm flexible.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

Shinigami age-gap discussions are tricky, especially the whole 'Tite forgot how old this person was / how ageing works' undertones with some of his characters (Hiyori is the same age as Gin????? Hello?), but basically I don't want anything to do with creepy shit, thanks. If Gin can comfortably punt your character into the stratosphere because they're snack-sized then he doesn't want them sexually or in any manner.

Are you selective when shipping?

ABSOLUTELY. Gin can get the ick, no matter how hypocritical he is for getting it, simply because your character didn't reply 'right' to his throwaway comment. Gin gets bored easily; if your character isn't as smart or smarter than him (and I mean that in a cunning / well-rounded way, not a 'this character knows everything that could possibly be known about the development of spoons throughout history' or some sort of thesaurus-vomit of them trying to sound super smart to him, he'll immediately become violently unimpressed he'd sooner gut himself with Shinso than finish a conversation with them) or your character is immensely weaker than him, then he isn't interested. Gin requires being challenged. Both Rangiku and Aizen challenge Gin pretty outright in different ways. Keep him on his toes, push and pull at him, make him want to pick you apart. Don't bore him.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I don't tend to tag things until it's literally inappropriate if it was a visual medium instead. Kissing and clothed touching, even if in raunchy positions, aren't NSFW to me -- I expect everyone following me to understand my blog is an adult space. Tags won't come out till genitals get involved. If people read the written word 'nipple' over your shoulder from ten feet away and get you into hot water then you gotta tell me where they get their superior hawk-esque eyesight from, I'd like a slice.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

Just Rangiku and Aizen for now, but as I said before I am opening up to the potential for Gin and Izuru. Gin and Byakuya is hilarious, too, and I've made jokes in the past about Gin and Kenpachi. Pfft. It's hard to ship Gin with other female characters in Bleach considering Orihime's a human teenager, no thanks, and Rukia hates his guts and Gin clearly didn't like her either so it'd be a hateship purely, Harribel and Gin never exchange actual canon dialogue, Unohana is way older than him and probably thinks he's an amateur at murderous intent, the Zero Squad ladies only exist after he's canonly dead, Hinamori's a whole child and is traumatized by his Aizen-killing/not killing stunt, Tatsuki is a lesbian human teenager, Soifon is laughably a lesbian so pent up she might explode if a man ever tries to lay a hand on her, Yoruichi is too close to / complicit with Hogyoku-maker Urahara Kisuke whom Gin loathes for inspiring Aizen to steal a piece of Rangiku's soul, Nemu is too busy being Mayuri's... whatever the fuck, Isane would faint if Gin opened his eyes once at her, Hiyori is literally split in half by him and she's a literal child, Yachiru is a literal child, Lisa is also at least bi-woman preference if not fully a lesbian, Kukaku probably hates Gin's guts ever since he lopped off Jidanbo's arm at the gate because that's a sore subject for her, Kiyone is a literal child, Sung-sun is too boringly quiet and weak for his tastes, Loly isn't quiet enough and is too weak, Apacci is even worse, Mila Rose is on thin ice too, all of the Femritters are introduced after Gin's dead so we'll never know for sure if he'd even tolerate their girlbosses-don't-look-at-explosions-then-get-stupidly-defeated act, oh god who am I forgetting -- I want y'all to know I had to stop here to Google it and for some reason in the list of all female Bleach characters, somehow, Omaeda is on the list at the very bottom.... congratulations on your transition <333

Anyway long story short I don't think Gin's very compatible with the existing female Bleach cast, hence my various male/male ships instead. Gin's fluid. I acknowledge and approach shipping with the assumption that most if not all Bleach canons probably think Gin's gross or deplorable or both. But hey, I have a soft spot for writing enemies-to-lovers.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

Yes because otherwise I'll just stew in the possibilities and assume it's one-sided and never bring anything up 'cause I don't wanna freak people out. But please keep in mind I am very picky because Gin himself is even pickier. You may be rejected ultimately, and it's really not something that's personal with me. A better approach would be the age-old, tried and true method of jokingly saying 'wouldn't it be funny if they caught feelings?' at me and then we spiral together from there. I'm not open for that currently, but in the future perhaps.

How often do you like to ship?

I kinda wanna only ship things if it's been earned -- we put in the work, things escalated naturally, and then we're exploring the dynamic thoroughly from there instead of just jumping to the juiciest parts first. I am a patient person, Gin is too, we're not about to pounce on somebody just because they stuck their leggy up real high. I'm a previously single-ship-only kinda guy, I yearn for that commitment.

Are you multiship?

I am duo-ship at the moment, with the possibility of opening up from that in the future -- so technically yes. I approach things though with a strict refusal to write cheating, so everything is a separate verse. Gin isn't sleeping with Rangiku and then tiptoeing to Aizen's room after, I refuse to do that sort of shit. Gin's all-or-nothing and so am I, so expect that if I ever do multiship -- it'll probably not be willy-nilly, I'll be severely selective.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

Daydreaming about dynamics is my bread and butter. I'll be cooking up entire scenarios on my own while watching paint dry, my mind knows no limits and the links to musing posts/quotes/aesthetics/tiktoks that make me think of our characters together merely scratch the surface. If a ship hits right it consumes me.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

I'm a sucker for Ginran, Aigin, Ulquihime, Shunuki, Ichiruki, Grimmjow and anybody really, Ichihime, Mayuri and permanent death, Ishihime, Rangiku and genuine happiness, whatever the ship name for Urahara and Yoruichi is, Aizen and touching grass instead of committing atrocities. I could be down for Gin and Izuru, I also think Kenpachi and Byakuya make a funny / cute pair. I'd also die for the ship I have with @madestars with their OC Hotaru and Gin's daughter Keiko.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Hit me on the head with a brick irl.

tagged by : @despairforme

tagging: @dokuhai, @keikakudori, @madestars / @rejekshun, @gyakusama / @owabisuru, and anybody else!

[dickarchivist]

Good moooorning! I’m back for another request! (When the muse strikes and absolutely no pressure!)

I was think a first kiss prompt of…

"are we about to kiss right now?" "you are not serious."

With Phantom? It feels very him. Possibly in his POV (but reader POV is perf too) 🥰

Thank you for the beautiful ask my beloved Piña ♡♡

Fish Out of Water

Clone oc Phantom (pov) X fem reader (dancer)

Word count: 1380

Rating: T because of the brothel/strip club, but nothing over the top happens (expect kisses, and the most awkward boner Phantom's ever had.) As always, Minors DNI 🔞

Prompt: First Kiss prompt list: "are we about to kiss right now?" "you are not serious."

Contents and Warnings: second hand embarrassment might smack you but that's it really

Summary: Phantom falls hard for you, but he knows the rules. Don't touch what you haven't paid for, don't kiss what isn't yours. Oh what he'd do for just one kiss...

Author's Notes: PHANTOM POINT OF VIEEEEW!!!! We all think he's a fuck boi, well buckle up buttercup, you're in for a ride!!!

I hate this place. It's loud, smells like cheap booze, vomit, and too much cologne and perfume. I don't know how you can stand it, I really don't. But you're here, and for you, I think I'd do anything.

The way you move, how the light hits your skin, I can understand why you're a fan favorite. I'd never tell you this, it'd probably get me laughed out of the club, but it's like watching a fish swim in crystal clear waters... your motions are so natural, so fluid, the shimmer of glitter on you like scales catching the light. Kriff I wish you'd let me kiss you, but I know your rule... you don't kiss clients.

"Oh, Mister Missing Number himself~ Nice to see you again, Phantom~" the way you say my name makes my heart ache. When you sit down in my lap, it takes everything not to reach up and touch you. "What brings you in today? Don't you have some big bad mission to get along to?"

It's dirty talk, used to rile me up. It works, it always does. You grind in my lap until I'm hard then I pay my credits to have a single second to pretend you're mine in the back rooms. I know I'm not the only person you do this to, not the only clone for sure. I've heard others say your name before, so why... why do I think I'm special to you?

I'm not. I'm always second best.

"We leave day after tomorrow. I... I just wanted to see you again before I left." Stars you're beautiful... please, just sit here for a second, just be with me, don't start your little dance, don't make this end, please.

"Mmm, any plans for tomorrow big boy? I imagine being a soldier has a lot of demand, but surely you can have a little fun, right?" You start to move on me, and I can't help myself.

I grab your hips, making you stop, and for a second I regret it, the look on your face was is so fearful. Please let this work... "Go out with me tomorrow."

"What?" The shocked humor in your laugh makes me feel so small, ashamed of even thinking you'd- "You'd really go out with me? Honey, you know what I do for a living... you'd want to get to know me?"

Your words echo my thoughts, and it hurts to see that. To know that feeling. No one's first choice. I want to make you my last choice, the one I stay with.

"Please... if you don't like me, I get it, no harm and I'll just go. But, well," I feel like a Shiny fresh off the line with how nervous I am, "You're wonderful. I enjoy being around you, I want to know you. Really know you. Go out with me tomorrow."

"Okay..." you don't look sure, like maybe you're waiting for me to pull the rug out from under you, laugh in your face. I want to destroy the people who came before me that made you feel small like that. Your hands lay flat on my chest, I want to hold you closer but I know the rules. I shouldn't even be holding you now. "You sure about this Phantom? It's not just this talkin?"

When your hips dip low against mine, I groan. I've never been so embarrassed about being hard around you. I let go of your hips and help you off my lap, crossing my legs as soon as you're up, "What time should I pick you up?"

Kriff I want to run away. Hide, do anything else, just stop you from seeing me embarrassed like this. You hold your hand under my chin to have me look up at you, giggling a little, "Cute..." okay. I'm handsome. But I'll take cute in this situation. "Why don't you pick me up from my flat around noon? We can have an early date before work, and you can rest well before you have to leave. Sounds good?"

"Sounds perfect," your smile is so genuine and hopeful, and my dick is a traitor, making me squirm under your gaze. I fidget as you punch in your flat number and comm channel into my commlink, and then I snatch it quick, "sorry, uh... excuse me, I have... this. To fix. I'll call you tomorrow when I'm on my way, alright? Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow~"

I think about you the rest of the night...

×××××××××××××

"Hey, I'm almost there, you ready?"

"Yep~" the honey in your voice makes me swoon. "Hopefully you recognize me with more clothes on." I could listen to that giggle of yours for hours.

You're in red and gold when I get there, and I'm already blushing. My colors, you're in my colors, like you belong to me. Maybe I'm not crazy, maybe you really do like me.

It's hard to find a park on this technological wasteland of a plant the jedi call home, but not unheard of. Specter found it first, truth be told, heard a bird singing and followed it for hours before it finally went home. I'm not gonna tell you that, though. It'd be nice if you thought I found it just for you, so we'll keep it that way. By the way your eyes shine, I take this is your first time seeing the little patch of green.

"How'd you find this place?" Shit.

"Oh. Uh..." what do I do? I'm not gonna lie to you, but 'my big brother found it for me' sounds so lame, you'd probably laugh and leave me there. Kriff, you're staring at me now, okay, um- truth it is, stars please don't laugh, "My brother, he told me about it. Said he followed a bird here once."

"That's so sweet. It special, you know, there's not a lot of green on Courascant. Not like home, it's green there year round."

"Kamino's all water, if you can believe that. Different here for me too. Where are you from?"

Before I know it, it's dark. We've eaten all the food Ghost made for our date, plus the ration bars I had in my pack. I've learned so much about you, I think it's safe to say I'm well versed. I feel your weight in my side, and I put my arm around you. This feels natural, feels right... like a fish swimming in water.

My eyes flick to your lips, and tug into a coy little smile as you lean forward toward me. Wait. Wait no way! "Are we about to kiss right now?"

"You are not serious," Your laugh makes me feel small again, that same shock and awe creeping into your laugh.

Your hands go to my face and pulling me closer until I can taste your chapstick on my tongue.

Oh wow... this feels better than any session I've paid for. I hold your cheek, the other hand on your waist, pulling you closer until you take matters into your own hands and sit on my lap. You pull your lips away from mine and I whine, which makes you giggle more, "Well? Every you hoped?"

"I didn't... but you don't kiss clients, why'd you kiss me?"

You bite your lip, carding your hands through my hair with a small sigh, "I don't think you can be my client anymore Phantom."

My heart's in my ass. It fell so fast I'm surprised I didn't die on spot. "I don't want to stop seeing you, please... I won't bother you like this again, just ple-"

You're... kissing me again? I don't know why, but I do like it. When you pull away this time, it's not very far before you whisper, "I kiss my boyfriend, but never a client."

"Boyfriend... me?" Really? Really really? Please, don't toy with me, don't laugh in my face at the hope in my eyes.

But you don't. You lean up and kiss me again, giving me a peppering of them all over my face. It tickles, lights me ablaze with blushing heat, and for once I don't have to hold back. My arms go around you and I hug you tight, laughing with joy, "I'll take it as a yes!"

[conniemb]

The difference between "fanatics and gamers"

So basically I'm just gonna word vomit about this topic in regards to destiny because it's been on my mind a lot recently since I've came back to destiny and I've been watching a few vids on the whole discourse surrounding destiny and it's state as a game and feel like I've kinda come to a resolution in my mind about why a lot of this is happening and why some people feel differently about the game. PSA this post isn't supposed to be some big angry discussion trying to say people's concerns about the game is wrong or invalid I kinda jus wanna spew my thoughts out there but do feel free to comment your thoughts about it if you wanna discuss it!

So I start by differentiating between "fanatics" and "gamers" which probably seems like a cringey way to put it but it's the only kind of physical representation of both sides that I could think of. So fanatics are people I'd describe as being absorbed in every aspect of the game, lore, art comics, gameplay, characters etc the type of people who are out here writing fanfics and creating ocs where as gamers are people that are here solely for the game itself. They are playing a game for its mechanics and enjoyment and their involvement in the greater community doesn't span much further than that. They might be interested in the lore (obviously you'd have to enjoy the story to play the game in the first place) but they're not out here making their own content in regards to the game i.e reading/creating fanfics and ocs etc. Now after establishing what each side means from what I can tell the people most upset by the state of the game are the gamers while the ones defending the Devs and just having a good time within the game and it's universe are the fanatics.

So why are people mad?

Well both sides seem mad in the current situation of destiny. The gamers are upset that the contents running dry and the fanatics are getting upset about the gamers constant anger and bashing directed towards the game and the Devs. Like don't get me wrong I understand where people come from when they're annoyed about bugs, it makes the game harder to play and then there's the issue of content running dry and then the vaulting of older content (something that I find extremely upsetting). But I think the constant negative approach towards these issues isn't always healthy to the game, play wise and the actual players mental health wise. I recently watched Mr Fruits video on this talking about the video Datto made and I think the main message there is something that so many gamers need to keep in mind and it's that if your not having fun playing a game and you can't find anymore satisfaction from it play something else. If your playing a game for the content it's Devs are providing you and that content isn't as fulfilling and entertaining for you anymore then just play something else for a while. I think a lot of people have these really unrealistic expectations as to what the Devs can produce within the game and I think if you believe the Devs are seeing the discourse going on in the community and people voicing their issues with the game and are just deciding to sit back idly and do nothing about it then you're a fukin idiot. The people at Bungie are just that, people. People with limitations. There's probably an infinite amount of reasons as to why the issues that're there are there and these things will take a long ass time to fix. If they were easy to fix everyone and their nan would be making bestselling games. In terms of content running dry for people of course this is gonna happen. There's a limit on people's creativity and the amount of content a single group of people are able to produce. And with the amount of content already in the game it's gonna be extremely hard to make new content that's cohesive and makes sense in the greater universe of the game. So yeah it might've only taken you a couple tens of hours to complete the campaign content with your clan full of experienced players but that's not what it's there for in my opinion. The game isn't there to just be played it's there to be enjoyed fully and completely. This is content that the creators have poured months of their lives into thinking up and designing. If destiny was pumping out content at the rate some people seem to think it should come out the game would be a shit show. It would be riddled with plot holes, stuff that just doesn't make sense and would eventually fuck up the game even more gameplay wise. I'm sorry but I don't want this game to turn into some sci-fi Fortnite. I want the Devs to take their time making compelling content that's actually engaging.

Superiority of the fanatics

Please hear the sarcasm in that subtitle but the point of what I'm saying is the fanatics are the ones winning here and I think this is the fangroup that the games actually directed towards. Destiny is a storytellers game, that much is obvious from the games expansive lore and world building. Your given a platform to create your own character and create their story following the campaigns that the company themselves are providing which is something very reminiscent of ttrpgs like dnd or lancer. Obviously it's not got the same customisation as those games but the idea is there. The reason why a lot of fanatics aren't getting super upset about the "lack of content" in the game and it's bugs is because they understand that the content is fucking there but sometimes you gotta warp the content yourself a little to keep up that sense of enjoyment. People do this by writing fanfics, creating art, creating ocs etc. When Bungie aren't directly giving us content to play we are making our own content and sharing it with others because this is what destiny is for us it's not just a game it's a world we're experiencing and being a part of. And that's my point, destiny isn't a game for gameplay mechanics sake and if your playing it for that reason and getting upset then it should be obvious your playing the wrong game and maybe it's time to take a break and try something new. If your wanting a game that spoon feeds you content to keep you hooked then I don't think Destiny is the game for you it's never been that sort of game in my opinion. When I came back to destiny I was hyped to dive head first into lore books, video essays, blogs because I knew I had a lot to learn and create myself and that's what I expect from destiny and tbh it's what I'd think any newcomer to the game should expect. And in terms of bugs in the game obviously they're annoying but I feel like from having a greater respect for the Devs and the content they're making your in a mindset that makes it easier to digest that these things take time. For a company to be making all this content, world building, server mechanics, game mechanics and so much more it's gonna be rough to get to every single bug in the game. And tbh I've been playing the game again for almost a month now and I haven't actually experienced that many bugs in the game, no more than what I've seen in other games I've been playing but I want everyone to take that with a heavy pinch of salt because obviously everyone's experience within the game is different.

The issues of paywalls and vaulting content.

Now this. THIIIISS. I get it, I really do having to pay for seasonal content and constant dlcs is probably the most frustrating thing about modern gaming. But that's the thing it's not just a destiny issue this is a modern gaming worldwide issue. Fucking hell even Pokémon is drifting into the dlc hell hole and paywalls with many of their services. Like it's just apart of gaming now and it can be frustrating but it's something you kinda gotta accept and it's not something you're gonna really be able to avoid no matter what game you play that isn't an indie game. As for the vaulting of older content and the removal of game aspects as seasons progress this is probably the single most frustrating thing about the game right now for me especially as a returning player but I also see why destiny is doing it. The game is reaching a size which is becoming unmanageable and the removal of some content is a necessary evil to keep the game going in my opinion. And to Bungies credit they have announced they will be no longer vaulting dlc content going forwards since last year I believe. And look yeah you can't play the content anymore but it's still out there to enjoy in the form of lore and video essays and play through videos. It's not the same but it's something and I've been enjoying sifting through the content available to me. Again I feel this is where the difference in destiny fan comes in. Gamers aren't satisfied with just consuming content about the game which is a totally fair stance to have on the game but there's also a number of games out there that aren't doing this sort of stuff cus they dont have to and maybe those are the type of games that you should play.

The state of the game for new and returning players.

Now this is probably my biggest fukin gripe with the gamers side of the community because in my opinion the biggest thing that's damaging the experience for new and returning players isn't the games bugs, it isn't the games slow approach to releasing new content or the vaulting of content, it's the constant negativity being emitted by that side of the community in regards to the game and the Devs as well as their attitude towards people wanting to learn more about the game. When I decided I wanted to make a return to destiny I did what I'd say a lot of other people have done and taken to sites like Reddit to ask questions about the game so I'd have some idea of what to expect coming back in and the responses of got of people who are meant the be "fans" of the game were sickening. Id have to sift through maybe 15 responses telling me to delete the game, I'm an idiot for wanting to play it, the games at its worst state than ever, there's no point even trying, before I found even one post actually giving me the information I was asking for and giving me tips on how to get back into the game. The only thing that actually made me contemplate not getting back into destiny was the constant negativity being emitted by that side of the community during that time. Not the negative aspects of the game that're definitely there, it was just the sheer miserable energy I was receiving from these people. And that's the thing while yes the game really isn't at its best state for new or returning players there are still ways to make it work and I found those ways buried underneath all the bullshit negativity the others were spouting. This is what's hurting the games ratings in my opinion. The games not at its worst state it's ever been for new and returning players entirely because of what the Devs are doing, a huge chunk of that issue is the negativity coming from this side of the player base.

In conclusion.

If your not enjoying destiny at this moment in time then stop playing for a bit. Maybe consider that this game isn't for you. Voice your opinions and concerns in a respectful manner. And for new people wanting to get into destiny jump right in! If you wanna get the most out of the game then it's gonna take some effort ima he honest. It's gonna take more than just hopping on the game and playing. And if that's not your vibe then that's totally fair not every game is gonna be for every player. And take my advice if you do wanna learn more about the game and how to get into it please stay away from Reddit. Stick to Tumblr people are actually nice here and wanna educate you in a positive and reaffirming way that is healthy for the state of the game and it's community. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[nsuiswitch]

Sleepless Nights

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Pairing: Joel Miller x Gender Neutral Reader, platonic relationship with Ellie Williams

Word Count: 3.0k

Summary: During their short rest in Wyoming, reader begins to panic about their future life (and love), Joel unknowingly stirs the pot.

Warnings: some angst, self-doubt and panic from reader and some eventual fluff, forehead smooches, age gap (reader is mentioned to be in their early to mid-twenties post college, Joel’s age remains the same) requited/unrequited love, not sticking to plot timeline (I just love stretching out their time in Jackson because the possibilities are endless!) no use of Y/N. GENDER NEUTRAL, NO IMPLIED OC

A/N: This is quite literally the first real thing I’ve ever written in my life, so please, for the love of god, go easy on me!!!!! I wrote this late one night when I was sad and couldn’t get any sleep, this just word vomited out of me. I love the TLOU so damn much, and my brain has never recovered from this obsession since I discovered it. I’m never gonna get over Joel, I would sell my soul to speak to that man for two seconds. I’m such a whore for him. I hope you enjoy this ^^

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Somehow, two days in Jackson, Wyoming felt longer than all the time it took to get here. The gated town left you with much to adjust to. Your long months on the road had you, Joel and Ellie very accustomed to survival mode, spending most days on high alert, with miles to go and often on an empty stomach. Sometimes, the only thing that kept you moving was the fear of staying in the same place for too long.

And now, it was as though none of that ever happened. Like somehow, all the atrocities that occurred, all the little pieces of yourself you’d left behind, had disappeared beyond the town’s gates. How strange it was, after months of trekking through deep wood and the dilapidated remains of cities, to stumble upon a place so normal and human.

Even as the day faded, and evening darkened the skies, just outside the window of your room, you could hear laughing, kids whining, and the rustling of people going about their lives. Sounds of life outside your own, that weren’t a cause for concern, kept your heart full through the winter nights.

But, this didn't alleviate all your worries. After all, you knew your time here would eventually be cut short.

"We'll stay, just for a little while, maybe a week or so. It’ll give us a chance to rest, get back on our feet.”

Seven days seemed longer then, when Joel had first mentioned it. Now, you couldn't help but feel like things were a bit more complicated.

Over the last few months, Joel had warmed up to both you and Ellie. Somehow, you’d managed to break through some of his rough exterior. Now you’d found a different side of Joel accompanying you on your trip. He didn't respond curtly anymore, he managed to string together a sentence or two, even if you’d asked him something stupid. Whenever you and Ellie would go back and forth, arguing over something trivial or when she'd pull out yet another genius pun from her favorite book, you'd see the ghost of a smile briefly flash over his face.

If that wasn't enough, you couldn't help but feel like the air between you two had changed significantly. It didn’t feel friendly, it felt like something more. It was delicate, and had you not been paying any mind to it, maybe you wouldn’t have noticed.

How gentle he was with you, the way his gaze or his hands would linger a moment longer than necessary.

Sometimes, on sleepless nights, when Ellie was fast asleep, you two would talk, and he'd open up far more than you'd ever expected. Even if he backpedaled and closed himself off shortly after, it still mattered to you that he tried. That he cared enough to even bother.

And you couldn't deny that you'd felt something, too. From the very beginning, it was always more than just close quarters or loneliness, you took to Joel. You honestly didn't know why, God knows you didn't have much in common. When the pandemic hit, you were in your last year of university. By then, Joel had likely lived through far more than you possibly imagine at that time, all bright-eyed and overly optimistic despite your academic stresses.

It didn’t make sense, but there were these moments, ones on the road (for the few days you had Bill’s truck), quiet conversations during your long hikes and in cramped up corners that you feel safe. He made you feel so warm and loved, despite his coldness. You wanted nothing more than to reach in and drag out the person he was before all this, before he lost his daughter, and before the world broke.

Now that he’d found Tommy safe and sound, you couldn't help but think about the end of your journey. Hell, everything about being here made you think about the future. About the family you never thought you would have.

Before Cordyceps, your ties to blood family were loose and your friendships even looser. You never had much to cling to. During your college years, while you were still figuring yourself out, you never managed to find any company along the way. You only existed in brief, awkward interactions that never stained anyone’s minds long term. You felt insignificant and while you valued your freedom, the thought of dying alone kept you up many nights.

Now, you felt like you were losing something near and dear to you. It felt like only days ago that Joel was pointing a gun to your face and now, you couldn’t live without him. Deep down, every part of your being wanted to keep living this way, pandemic or otherwise, with Ellie and Joel. It didn't matter, whether you stayed in Wyoming or not. You knew there were no other people in the world you could’ve taken this trip with.

You just wished this whole “love” thing was a bit easier. It made you envy the shows you’d watched as a kid, where the main characters would quickly admit their love for one another (romantic or otherwise) and then they’d happily march into the sunset, hand in hand, to continue on their goofy and heartfelt adventures.

There were no words to describe how badly you wanted that. A fade to black, a happy ending wrapped in a bow that didn't require any hard conversations. One where you didn't have to look Joel in the eyes and bare your soul out to him, knowing full well he might reject you just to save himself (and you) any further pain. In the rare moments that he would hold your gaze, all your confidence left you. You were far from a wayward teen or a child, but for those quick seconds you felt like you’d been hiding a rose behind your back, like your eagerness to love him was written all over your face.

Even after casting all your feelings for Joel aside, what would come of Ellie? What about the cure?

It wasn't something you three had spoken much about. After all, she was just a kid, who didn't deserve any more stress or worry. You only towed the topic gently when she’d brought it up, but, even after all this time, you were still unsure.

What would happen if it worked?

It was hard to imagine the world regaining any form of structure, even with a cure. The brutality, and the bloodshed you’d all seen, was caused by humans just as much as it was from infected.

Humanity was broken on a different level, one Ellie’s blood could not reach.

And what about afterward?

Ellie would still need someone to look after her. And you knew damn well you weren’t going to leave her at the mercy of strangers. Fireflies or not. It didn’t matter, not after everything you’d been through.

You felt like a sibling to her, but also like a parent. She looked to both you and Joel for direction. If you’d asked something of her, she’d do it, even if it was in between her usual teenage sass. On the other hand, the age gap between the two of you wasn’t as large as you and Joel’s. It was all too easy to fall into chaotic banter and get on each other’s nerves. You’d spent plenty of travel time pestering each other to keep the days short.

More than anything, you felt a responsibility for her that you hadn’t felt for anyone else.

Now, you'd take a bullet for her, without hesitation, and those feelings don't just die in a week. Cure or no cure.

So, maybe that was your happy ending. You’d get to be the parent-sibling, and you'd stay with her. Asking Ellie to be your travel buddy seemed a hell of a lot easier than admitting your feelings to Joel. Just the idea of it made you sick.

Asking him to stay with you. Begging him not to leave.

You could feel the rejection now, even though the words had never been said. The image of you, outside, your face hot, tears threatening to spill, as you watched Joel's figure blur and disappear into the distance was too much to bear.

You knew your confession would kill you. After that, you would never be whole again. But you couldn't not know. You needed to be absolutely certain of Joel’s feelings. If you never asked him, you'd regret for the rest of your life.

It was this stream of thoughts, circling through your head in a never ending chaos, that kept you from sleep's embrace.

You tossed, turned and cursed at yourself. Since yesterday, you planned to be up as early as possible as not to waste the little time you had in Jackson, and your internal dialogue was getting you nowhere. Staring at the ceiling was not helping to make these life-altering decisions any easier. Still, You couldn't let this rest. You needed to know what would happen next for you. Who would decide your fate. And until you did, you wouldn't rest, either.

The sound of the front door creaking open and shuffling took you away from your spiraling mind. You jumped a bit, more than you'd care to admit but, you were miles away and weren't expecting anyone at the house.

Joel had spent all day with his brother, catching up on lost time, so you and Ellie had been left to fend for yourselves.

Maria's tour of the commune had left you with a vague memory of where to go, but since you'd managed to navigate miles and miles of forest (mainly by following Joel's command) you figured your determination and Ellie's snark would get you through.

And it did. You found more than enough to occupy yourselves. After a shower and a hot meal, you scoured every inch of the commune (or one long street at least). You’d passed by some shops, the movie theater once more, and settled by the horse stables to cool off.

Once the sun started to set, and since you hadn't run into Joel at any point throughout the day (though you secretly hoped you would) you decided it’d be best to walk back to your rooms before it got too dark. You’d likely touch base with Joel in the morning, though the thought did nothing to ease your nerves.

Right now, you felt like you couldn't even look at him, not with all of this running through your head. If you didn’t get a chance to bury all of this deep down, you’d melt in the morning sun. All you wanted was some time, and a good night’s sleep would do the trick.

As the footsteps grew louder, you rolled over and tried your best to look asleep. You felt like a little kid now, trying to hide that you’d stayed up past your bedtime. You had felt like this more often than you wanted to with Joel. Not because of his doing, but, what could possibly make you think that someone like him would want to pursue you? You were barely into your 20s, and never had a chance to experience the world before it all feel apart. You were so inexperienced, immature, and there was no way he didn’t see some of that in you. In his mind, you were just like Ellie. A kid to look after, nothing more. And while you’d had some pleasant times together, there was no way in hell that would stir up romantic feelings in him.

You shut your eyes, hoping to hide from yourself and him, should he decide to visit.

Joel’s room was on the floor below yours, so the moment you heard shuffling up the staircase, your heart skipped.

You figured, in Joel fashion, he had probably come upstairs to check on both of you, especially considering he hadn’t seen you the whole day, but you could not, for the life of you, calm down. How dumb it would have looked to find you, all scrunched up uncomfortably in bed, under the dim light. To save yourself the embarrassment, you did your best to loosen up and sink into the mattress.

Ellie's room was a door from yours, and closest to the stairs. It creaked open softly, and the footsteps disappeared inside for just a moment, merging with the silence. Then after a time, out they came, and the door creaked again ever so slightly as it met the hinges.

You’re next.

You felt like you were in a horror movie with extremely trivial consequences.

Laying there all stiffened up, trying to look as peacefully asleep as you possibly could, you waited for your door to inevitably open. After a moment it did, and even with your eyes closed, you knew it was Joel.

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Joel was anxious to get back to the house as soon as possible. This had been the longest time in the last few months that he’d been apart from both you, and Ellie.

He knew, in the back of his mind, that there wasn’t any real danger. He also knew that you were a grown ass adult, fully capable of handling themselves, teenage company included, and had proven so time and time again, but against all logic, he just couldn't scratch the itch. It bothered him all damn day; he needed to see for himself that his newest passengers were still safe and sound.

Joel had settled things with Tommy, and, was happy to catch up and see the life his younger brother had created for himself. Even with all the feelings Tommy’s pregnancy announcement had stirred up within him.

Still, in between their conversations, Joel’s mind kept crawling back to the same people. The cargo he’d at one point, been praying to get rid of. Now, he missed the two of them, plain and simple.

He wanted to hear their little quips and snide remarks, along with the warm laughs both you and Ellie drew out of each other with the dumbest jokes. The combination of cautious optimism during the travels, hearing your footsteps as a whisper behind him during silent days, brought him a comfort he hadn't known for years. Both your presence and Ellie’s soothed him, in a way he hadn't felt since Sarah’s passing.

You drew him back, against his better judgement, to feelings and a past that he'd tried so desperately tried to bury. And now, no matter how hard he tried to keep it at bay, everything kept crawling back to the surface.

But Joel didn't want to think about all that now. There was no easy solution. He just wanted to see the both of you safe and fast asleep. Then he could get a much-needed night's rest and figure out the rest later.

Too much of the town domesticity had made him soft. A little part of him, one that he dare not acknowledge, started to ache for this little family of sorts. Ellie, witty as ever, and you by his side. As much as it killed him to admit, it didn’t sound so bad.

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You laid there, stiff as a board, as you felt Joel move around the bed frame, coasting the edge until he stood right beside your head.

You felt his warmth all over you. He smelled like the outside but not in a bad way, it was his usual earthy musk and, as he leaned closer, the lingering scent of whiskey. He'd no doubt shared a few drinks with Tommy, and now you’d wished he'd stayed longer instead of torturing you with this sudden proximity.

You felt his hand slide over your forehead, gently, as to not “wake” you and then, of all the things he could've done, he leaned over you and gently pressed his lips to your temple.

And god, you hated him for it.

For all the feelings he stirred up in you.

It was as though, he'd felt your yearning, that big ugly mess of feelings you couldn't deal with, and decided to add fuel to the fire.

Damn it Joel.

You wanted to shove him away. Better that than you getting bold enough to pull him closer and beg him to stay the night. You’d never wanted anyone else the way you wanted Joel. It felt like only days ago that you’d thought he was a complete asshole, that you’d be celebrating being back in the QZ. What happened?

"G'night darling" Joel whispered over the soft sounds from outside.

God, the things he could to do to you with just two fucking words.

There were so many times you thought could move past your feelings and focus on the long journey ahead, for both your sake and Ellie's.

But everything he did stirred something in you. Every moment of tenderness he'd shown both you and Ellie when you skipped a step or fell behind for a second too long.

It was his fucking smile. The little suggestion of it that peered through when Ellie managed to get a rise out of him, despite the grumpy old man that he was.

You hated it, how he was always so close to you and yet a million miles away. Maybe, if you had met him in a different world or another universe, you wouldn't of thought twice about him, but right now it mattered so damn much, This is all you ever wanted and needed in this cruel life. Every day and night, you ached for him.

And now it was his presence, all encompassing and unwavering, shrouding you from the moonlight, protecting you from any danger that'd ever dare to close your path. It was his honeyed voice and southern drawl, silently promising to wrap you up in a warm coat for the rest of your days.

But, as quickly as it happened, it was over, and once again he was tip-toeing over the hardwood floors and closing your door. He left, and you knew after that, there wouldn't be a moment of sleep.

Long after his steps grew distant, and the building went still once again, you couldn't move. You laid still, just as you'd been before, searching the pale walls for answers, for anything to quell the fire building up in you.

Gif Credits to: @ // trashcora

Despite all of your doubts, uncertainty and the possibility of future pain, your mind and body were burning for him.

[korcariiwitch]

for all the fellow durge x astarion brainrotters out here.

Sooooooo I kind of wanted to throw this out there as an experiment/tentative prelude, but I’ve been considering for a good long while that I’d like to start posting some BG3 writing on here.

Specifically a dark urge x Astarion story that has been rolling around and banging against the bars of its enclosure inside my head. I think I could also make it a mixture of Astarion x reader/Tav and Astarion x OC!durge too. (And a sprinkling of durgetash too).

Please be aware if you read ahead and haven’t played the origin yet, there will be spoilers. So I’ll leave the rest under the cut!

Essentially I have begun to write about the dark urge origin and my character’s journey. Also about Astarion’s and various ways in which their stories parallel one another. Not that the game itself doesn’t already do an incredible job at this. I just have a lot of headcanons that I think could be fun to explore and flesh out and honestly the brain rot is so bad that if I do not put it somewhere, I will absolutely turn into a mindflayer.

I don’t really have anything linear in mind, closer to a cluster of a bunch of different ideas/moments that I just really want to get out of my brain and word vomit them somewhere. It would be a mixture of post-game adventures, moments during the game’s acts, and also quite a bit of pre-amnesia dark urge and some durgetash for good measure because I am a degenerate.

All that being said – I do absolutely want to be inclusive as much as I can. There will be moments where the story can be written in a more neutral way regarding gender and also not include appearance at all if people would like to imagine themselves/their Tavs/OCs instead. Not everything will be just my OC!durge specific and for those particular moments I will tag them as such (including things like content warnings, etc. so people are aware what they’re fulling getting into).

Don’t get me wrong, I still very much want to write about my durge and flesh our their story and  really get into the nitty gritty of what I felt their journey was like. Also just their own personal character development in juxtaposition with their relationship with Astarion.

It has been a very very very long time since I’ve posted anything online and I know there’s always a risk with doing so, but I’ve just been honestly so genuinely inspired not only by the writing in the game but the incredible content other people have been creating because of this game and I just want to give a shot. To be a small part of it, even if it truly is just only for me (not to sound presumptuous) and no one notices.

At least, I don’t want to make that the main point but I know there’s a lot of you dark urge enjoyers out here and was essentially just wondering if people would be interested in a story like this?

It’d also most likely be 18+ so I was considering either just making a whole other blog or a side-blog to post there since this account is very very old and I wasn’t sure if it’d be safer and more comfortable for people who might want read this.

Again, I really REALLY don’t want to sound pretentious at all. Just thought it might be cool to share and honestly, I’d love to have people to talk about this game with. Especially about the dark urge, I just have so many feelings about it and I enjoy getting to read all the interesting and insightful meta/thoughts/headcanons people have come up.

To quote our favorite fanged boy, “Honestly, I have no idea what we’re I'm doing. Or what comes next.”

[angelanimedesaray]

🍄🍓🎲

AAAH!!! HELLO!!! I always see you in my feed, I wasn't expecting you in my inbox, but I'm happy to see you here XD

Sooo, the questions. Yes. I am so sorry these are so long, I can't be short and sweet and to the point for anything, I swear, it's always just word vomit and -- I'm rambling again, let's get to it hahaha XD

🍄 A Headcanon for one of my favorite ships/Pairings. Sooooo I don't have a favorite ship/pairing, not really, for the AOT fandom, I'm just kind of vibing over here with most of them XD I'll enjoy Erwin/Levi Content one second, scroll two more posts down and oogle over a Hange/Levi, and then gasp and jealously drink in an OC/Levi art the next second while scribbling down the artist for future reference for the day I can finally afford to request some Levi and my OCs art (I have an OC in mind for every Levi x Reader Fic I've written that I imagine while I write). So it's more like a Levi x Anyone kind of headcanon:

I have always been a sucker for the thought that when Levi get's really comfortable with whoever he's with, and he's letting his guard down more and is cuddling regularly with his SO, that this is a common and favorite position:

Just, the hand running gently through his hair at the nape of his neck, arms wrapped tightly around one another, head pillowed on n their chest, it looks so comfy and warm and comforting for him and uuugggghhhhh I'm a sucker for it, it's my comfort soft thought/headcanon and I love it.

🍓 How did I get into fanfic. Soooo I was already known IRL for loving writing, mostly poetry at the time, and being a huuuuge star wars fan (I was usually the one people went to if they had a character or event question cause I KNEW MY STUFF). And a friend of mine came up to me one day at summer camp and asked for some help with a star wars fanfic she was writing since i knew character and canon/EU stuff so well, and she explained WHAT fanfic was to me, and after talking for a while we wrote it together, though we kind of parted due to creative differences/complete opposite styles, but I'd created a fanficnet profile putting the original character names from the story together with plans to post the fanfic we were writing, and I decided to just keep it and start writing my own stories, and that's how I started writing fanfic--and also how I got the penname AngelDesaray, two OCs that didn't really see the light of day. Well, Desaray got revamped into Zelina for my Star Wars fanfiction baby I still work on slowly to this day, but that's besides the point, heh.

🎲What stops me from writing more in my free time? I usually get in my own way a lot. My attention span has been really shot since college, it's hard for me to focus on one thing for a long time--it's part of why I started having multiple things going on at once, it helps me to focus if I have a video running or music playing, and three or four word documents and a social media website I can easily jump away from again open, because then there's enough going on that I oddly enough can focus (I used to get teased all the time by my parents for having my laptop open on my lap, texting someone on my phone, playing a NintendoDS Game, and watching a show all at once). Another issue is that I think I haven't 100% bounced back from my college burnout, but I really really miss my writing and stories, which puts me in this weird catch 22 where I'm just mentally tired and don't want to do anything, but i've been daydreaming of my story for literal hours and really want to get something on paper. Also sometimes I'm cursed with wanting to write plot heavy stuff but I'm in the middle of relationship building, or wanting to write action but I'm doing dialogue heavy chapters, or wanting to write relationship steamy stuff but there's a lot of plot stuff going on--etc etc. Its usually me and my attention span getting in the way, pretty much. Doesn't mean i don't want to really really bad or that I'm not thinking about it 24/7, cause I usually am, it's just hard for me to FOCUS these days once I have the white sheet in front of me.

Ask Game Here

[prince-liest]

hi! I always get super excited about fandom OCs, so it's been such a treat to hear about Tzafael! I worked a little on a design for them (lmk if you're ok with me posting it) but a lot of questions came up:

this is gonna sound really vague, but what's their vibe? I'm getting "pretends to be a gentleman but will ABSOLUTELY fish for compliments and randomly fuck with people cause of the power play" but I could be totally off. does he ever snap at people/hurt them if they're not polite? are they super condescending like some of the other angels or is he more like adam and kind of,,, uhh openly a dick? or are they more of a crowley type (kind of gooey inside and mostly left heaven because it was too bureaucratic and constricting)? do they burst into hell buildings and just incite chaos? again I know this is super vague but like ,,, basically I need a dialogue snippet to know what they're like lol

what's their accent? do they have special vocal quirks/tics? special catchphrases or words they use a lot?

do they have any real friends in hell (not just contracts)? do they miss anyone from heaven?

did they like being an exorcist?

hobbies?

what are the implications of the magpie/eyeball motifs? do they have a transcendent sense of sight? are they overstimulated or even haunted by the fact that they have to see so much all the time? do they have any bird habits (preening is a must lol but anything else?)? do they have a nictitating membrane and freak people out by blinking sideways with all of their eyes?

is their magpie form like a really scary demon form or are they just like. a normal bird. (that's way funnier imo)

I'm sorry but,,, I'm such a sucker for angst. where's his soft spot? how does he react to having it poked? does he lash out like a panicked animal or break down and try to hide?

do they have sharp teeth? I've seen that in other art of them but since they're not technically fallen I'm thinking of just doing fangs

how would he react to seeing a child (is he good with children? does he terrify/terrorize them?)?

what does "very good grip strength" imply???

whew, sorry for that monster of an ask! you said you liked talking about them so I just vomited everything that came to mind while I was drawing him, but definitely don't answer anything you don't find interesting!

PLEASE DO NOT APOLOGIZE YOU HAVE MADE MY EVENING. Both by offering me a delightful plethora of questions to answer about Tzafael, and also by drawing them aaaaaaaah- I would absolutely love to see you post it!! <3

Long post incoming!!

Their vibe: They are still an angel, and subscribe to morals that involve seeing themselves as a relatively good person - kind of like Lucifer's sense of superiority over sinners! So they are polite and friendly in a way that sometimes makes it evident that they know they can afford to be because they're above most of the people around them. They won't overtly fish for compliments, but that's why stroking their ego is so effective: they won't ask for it, but it's their most major vice. It's like petting a purring tiger. They enjoy when their presence is shocking, so they will absolutely walk casually into places where they know anyone able to identify them will freak out, and they'll visibly find the results amusing, but they won't outright admit to doing it on purpose. When they actually get into conflict with people, they like to look like they're being the bigger man about it, but they're honestly biting at the bit for a reason to go casually nuclear on someone who looks like they deserve it.

Speech patterns: Tangible but not over-the-top valley girl accent. They think it's fucking hilarious. Mildly prone to nefarious laughter, though it's generally because they're genuinely amused.

Friendships: Their concept of friendship is a little bit detachedly celestial. They definitely have friends in every ring, but they're bad about accidentally not visiting for long periods of time and they're prone to feeling like nobody in hell can genuinely understand them. They make contracts with relative ease with people they are friendly with specifically because they like feeling like the person people come to for powerful assistance. They'd probably do best seeing if they can befriend any of the seven sins, to minimize the baseline imbalance of power level and lifespan, but it just feels awkward when they all know Lucifer. The unassuming, baseline comraderie is the main thing they miss about heaven.

On exorcism: They fucking loved the power trip of being an exorcist. Too much. That's why they stayed in hell in the first place. And then they thought about it too damn long and got to know the locals, and now it's just fucking awkward to go around killing indiscriminately. Knowing too much really took the fun out of it! They used to join in on the exorcisms when they came around again, but not anymore.

Hobbies: They keep fish! They like setting up self-maintaining freshwater aquariums of various sorts, and particularly enjoy feeling like they've captured a genuine slice of nature in a fish tank. They visited Vox's shark tanks once and thought they were boring as hell because the sharks are mechanical and he doesn't have any live flora. They also enjoy being a huge gossipy bitch, which is arguably like 90% of what they actually use their powers for.

Powerset: While Lucifer has the power of Creation, Tzafael has the power of Sight. They see a great many things, and they see those things As They Are. So, basically: localized omniscience. They can't read minds, but they can tell if some is lying to them, and they can also see everything within a certain vicinity (depending on how hard they're pushing it), including through walls. This isn't weird or overwhelming to them: it's how they were designed to exist! If anything, losing that would make them feel blind. They also have a very small amount of foresight, which is mostly useful for being hard to hit in a fight and also being obnoxious by unintentionally interrupting people's sentences. This does not help them come off as less condescending.

Leaving heaven: Seeing the truth of things as they are, and seeing everything around makes the facade of heaven frustrating and tedious to swallow. They prefer hell because it feels more honest!

Bird traits: Absolutely hell yes to the nictitating membranes on every single eyeball, which also doubles as protection against any eyeball stabbing! They preen, they adore shiny shit, they love to gab and gossip, and while they are mostly a magpie, any bird seraph is going to be a bird of prey in some way or another, so it is as difficult to break their grip as it would be that of a raptor of similar size. I think it's implied that all heavenly and some demonic beings have various stages of their true forms, so their humanoid birdform is a similar style to what we see from Sera in the first few seconds of meeting her, and their true form is closer to what we see of Stolas at the end of Truth Seekers in Helluva Boss, except with about a billion more looming eyeballs. As for their most humanoid form's teeth: I figured they'd stayed in hell long enough for their teeth to go sharp like Lucifer's, but I am also super down for fangs if you have a design you're playing with!

Children: Ehhh...kinda cute, when they're not Tzafael's responsibility. Frequently funny in small doses or from a distance. Delightfully honest or else delightfully poor liars. Often just not their bag, though, especially if they kids are spoiled or self-absorbed (sorry, what was that? "Hypocrite"? Must have misheard.)

ANGST: They are a social animal and they miss their flock! They keep mooning about potentially reconnecting with Lucifer because they fucking miss heaven, except heaven doesn't feel like it did when they were a kid, so it doesn't feel like home. Any small inconveniences, they feel free to whine about with deliberately humorous dramatics, but when they feel genuinely hurt, they withdraw, hide in their nest, and keep it to themselves as best as they can. It hurts the ego to admit that kind of weakness when they're supposed to be a fucking seraph, especially when they feel alone and without equals in their place in the world. But even though heaven turned out to be a damn lie, they miss family. On a more minor note, they're also a poor sport about being genuinely made fun of in bad faith.

[yellowvixen]

Hi, hello! Binturong anon with a lot of word vomit here, so be warned. I just read your reply to my ask and I'm so happy right now! I was slightly worried for a bit that you didn't like my silly little story, but hearing that you put off posting it because you liked reading it made me feel warm inside. And you want to draw it someday??? 😳 I can't believe this I'm hdhdjgk

As for my Sol OCs, I do have a few that are specifically parallels, but I'm never quite happy with them. There's always so many good ideas and I sometimes end up finding other people's takes on them that are SO cool (like Rime!) or that have ideas I was thinking of and I'm suddenly paranoid that I'm ripping off somebody else's character...

I absolutely get the struggle of deciding things like species, there's so many cool animals to use and I freaking struggled deciding on ones for mine. The Knuckles one is probably one of the most complete actually, but unfortunately I cannot show you her or any others because I'm not an artist. 😞 So I just rotate them all in my head until I think "Nice" and put it down on a digital notepad. I'm always interested to see others create their takes on them though! I'm certainly interested in all of yours!

I never considered Team Dark, apart from my Sol Shadow, who's definitely the least thought out. There's so many other cool ones out there, so I never really bothered. The few I have, if you're curious, are supposed to be Knuckles and Amy, to round out Blaze and Marine's Classic Quartet basically. And also a different Sol Eggman, because Blaze's nemesis being Eggman in G-major feels like a kick in the face to both Blaze and the actual Eggman 😒. (I also have a Sol Big but she's technically a joke character. She's also really small. I gave her a dinosaur though, as all women deserve.)

Anyway, basically just wanted to let you know that Rime is cool and I'm going to be thinking about that reply for the foreseeable future. Have a good week!

SORRYY I LEFT THIS SO LONG stuff kept happening and then I got ill and then more stuff happened 😩

But! Yeah!! I think it's cool seeing other people's ideas for stuff like this, like I know for sure there are other versions of Sol Shadow out there that are ice powered cats like Rime!! I don't rlly think it's the end of the world if people independently come up with the same ideas as long as you don't purposefully copy anyone.

God you're so right about there being so many cool animals to choose from... Sol Rouge was easy for me but everyone else is being a pain skfjfhdgd. Eventually I'll figure them out though. (One day I promise...) Also! It seems like you have the descriptions of characters down even if you can't draw them, so you could always commission someone!!

I love the idea of Sol Amy too, I personally have 0 ideas for them so might not design my own version tbh. But having a Sol Classic 4 is super cute! You could have a lot of fun with their designs too, the way classic Amy looks pretty different from modern Amy. Sol Eggman too... I've just kinda retconned Nega and made him actually be from the Sol dimension idc about canon LOL I haven't thought about it too much.

Also TINY SOL BIG??? I'm in love that's so cute and such a fun alt version. With a dinosaur too FUCK yes.

I really love how imaginative people are when it comes to the Sol dimension, actually giving it more characters and lore! If sega won't give it love then at least we will 😤

Thank you sm for enjoying Rime, and once again sorry this took so long for me to answer 🥲🩵 I hope you have a nice week too!!!

[invisible-key]

Sick in Public - part 1 (new version)

I rewrote this story into first person POV for the sake of consistency, but you can still read the original version (third person POV) here if you prefer it!

Kinks: emetophilia, (a little bit of stuffing?) 

OCs: Bernie 

Summary: Emetophiliac Bernie shares his experience with purposefully vomiting in public.

Word count: 1.1k words

(Warning: Bernie is a fucking degenerate. And so am I. xD Contains detailed description of nausea and vomit as always.) 

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I threw up in public

September 20th 2009 | 21:59 | Bernie | My diary

I had a super exciting experience today. Let me tell you! 

I woke up this morning feeling kinda unwell to my stomach. So, naturally, I decided to go shopping. :)

Before today, it had been two years and three months since I was last naturally sick so when I started feeling nauseous, I was very excited to experience natural sickness again! I love making myself throw up by sticking fingers down my throat, but natural vomiting is just so different and exciting!

I concluded this was the perfect opportunity for one thing: public vomiting. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I love to make a mess in public and watch the worried and disgusted stares of other people. I kinda like the humiliation of it. So I decided to try to get this to happen. :)

I thought that overeating was gonna make me more sick so I cooked one of my favourite meals - spaghetti with minced meat and vegetables. Normally I can eat a lot of this, but today I didn't have an appetite due to the weird feeling in my stomach. But I wanted to be sick so I served myself a larger portion than usual and forced myself to eat it. I was quite full after that meal, feeling a bit of pressure in my stomach, but I didn’t feel sick yet so I also ate a box of cookies. My stomach was becoming unhappy about being forced to contain so much food. I was starting to feel queasy, but I wasn't close to throwing up yet so I went back to the kitchen and took out an open box of strawberry ice cream from the freezer. It was a one litre box but there were only two thirds left as I had eaten the other third yesterday. I ate all of it, and I started feeling quite sick, maybe because it was so cold. I was shaking from the cold and my stomach started gurgling. This amount of food would have normally been fine for me, but I must have actually been ill because I already started feeling the increased salivation typical for incoming sickness. 

That meant I was ready to go out. 

I thought about calling my boyfriend so that he could enjoy this too, but he wouldn’t approve of me purposefully making a mess in public, surely he would try to talk me out of it, so I didn't call him. 

I put on my less favorite jeans - in case I end up dirtying them - and a brown shirt, picked up my backpack and left for the bus stop. The outside heat worsened my nausea. As I stood at the bus stop, I was breathing deeply to try to stop myself from throwing up too soon.

The bus came and I took a seat close to the middle door, facing a large open space meant for strollers. The heat inside the bus was even worse, and I felt like I was choking on the heavy air. As the bus started moving, my queasiness rapidly increased. Three stops in, and I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the shopping center. I was salivating again and felt tightness in my throat.

When the door opened at the fourth stop, I wondered if I should run out to be sick on the sidewalk instead of the bus. The amount of saliva in my mouth increased and I started to get up from my seat-

The door closed. 

I collapsed back in my seat. I desperately clenched my teeth to try to keep my food down for a little longer. “Only two more stops…” I thought. “Maybe I'll be able to make it to the shopping center.” Yet I couldn't help constantly eyeing the door. 

Next stop, the door opened. As I stared at the open door, I tried to calm myself, “It's fine, I can keep it down… Only one more stop…” But I kept swallowing a lot of saliva. 

As soon as the door closed, I knew I had made a mistake. The taste in my mouth grew bitter and I felt intensely sick. My body was preparing to reject all the contents of my stomach. Right now. I couldn't control it anymore, I couldn't stop it. I took a deep breath and my stomach contracted forcefully, sending a large wave of pinkish vomit on the floor in front of me, staining my jeans and shoes. It was the ice cream. A few people turned to me in shock and hurried to get away from me. But I couldn’t pay them much attention since I immediately doubled over as more food forced its way up my esophagus and out through my mouth. This time it was more brown, I think it was the cookies. I only had time to take in a short breath before my stomach spasmed for the third time. A waterfall of reddish liquid mixed with undigested pieces of spaghetti splashed on the floor and my shoes. I retched again, letting out a small amount of spaghetti, which dribbled onto the existing puddle.

I breathed in and coughed. My throat burned and I felt the acidic taste of vomit on my tongue. My stomach has finally calmed down and pleasant relief washed over me. I sighed and leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes. I enjoyed the blissful after-vomit relief. I was feeling so good! Getting rid of the food that was making me sick felt soooo nice!

I opened my eyes to look down at what I’ve thrown up. I was surprised to find that some spaghetti pieces were several centimeters long. I thought I had chewed more. When the bus took a turn, the pool of sick started flowing in one direction, people dodging out of its way. I looked up at the people. Half of them were staring at me, the other half pretending not to see me, but everyone had a disgusted look on their face. They all thought I was a gross pig! They saw an ugly guy who doesn't even puke into a bag and just pukes on the floor and all over himself. They thought I was so disgusting! The most disgusting person they've ever met! Or maybe they thought I was super ill. Were they worried about me? 

When the bus stopped, I picked up my bag and ran outside, leaving a mess on the bus behind me. My clothes were dirty with barf and the people at the bus stop stared at me too. I couldn't help smiling.

I was standing in front of the shopping center but I didn't feel like shopping anymore. Instead I crossed the street to wait for a bus in the opposite direction, and went back home, satisfied. 

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I didn't want to make the original sickfic too long, but in reality Bernie’s sickness wasn't over! 

>> Part 2

(For the record, this story was not written in 2009. I just tried to make it look like a blog post consistent witht the timeline these OCs live in.)