#am I insane and this is just me or
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The true pain of being unable to write early Damian because the Power of Autism will not let me because that kid is doing an Incorrect Social Interaction and I cant make myself write it because he’s Socializing Wrong
#am I insane and this is just me or#same with secondhand embarrassment with media. I can’t watch folks doing Incorrect Social Interaction my brain screams at me#bones speaks#god I wanna write the kid but man oh man is he just the right level of blunt that I simply Cannot#I don’t even mean this negatively it’s just a thing my brain does from many years of social interaction classes as a kid
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Found my fav Slay the Princess route recently. Dragon my beloved. Your horrifying beak mouth was an impossible-to-refuse lip syncing challenge 💖
Shoutouts to @blacktabbygames for making such a cool game!
#stp spoilers#slay the princess spoilers#stp dragon#stp the princess and the dragon#I FINISHED THIS LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO AND CONSISTENTLY FORGOT TO POST IT UNTIL I REMEMBERED JUST NOW LMAO FUCK#i made it for my showreel when i realised stp is full of good lines to lip sync to and ooohhhh what a fun challenge it was#and such a fun sketchy art style to emulate too. i dont think i quite nailed it but you have to take liberties when it's animation dont you#anyway this route makes me insane. getting to finally see ourself and finding out we're a SICK ASS GIANT DESTRUCTIVE CREATURE?!!!#the princess is so good at making me feel feeble and pathetic in this game. i had no idea. i am so so happy. this is gender euphoria#thank u my friend @rune-chaser for introducing me to this game bc it's so cool!!! and has made me cry more than once! yayyy!!!#stp#slay the princess#stp princess#stp the long quiet#my animations#my art#EDIT: changed the name in the desc from stp to slay the princess bc i want non stp players to know what the game is. shoulda done it sooner
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(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)
#MY GIRLLLLLLLL <333333 you're doing amazing sweetie kill them all you deserve to#anyway. coping mechanism. the problems in my life i could solve if society just let me have a death note#this show really is an exercise in patience and suffering i get SO squicked out#by how much the horrible characters and situations mirror the insanity of what's happening in real life#also the revelation that some of the actors are Exactly as shitty as their characters are is. ugh.#but every time i'm like okay i can't take it i need to stop to protect my headspace#i think of kimiko and am like.... no... i need to see my gir....#hope karen gets jucy roles in other shows too PLEASE#the boys#kimiko miyashiro#karen fukuhara#theboysedit#tvedit
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*about any given drawing* cranking the saturation slider will fix this
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#itafushi#if u count this 0.7 of a megu as itfs ig#ANYWAY HI SORRY IM LIKE DIES but fear not i am actually lives#between artblock and job and attempting to have a social life im exhausted Always but we persist! she said wracked w anxiety and guilt#capitalism got me BAD this leaving the house stuff and waking up early stuff and going to bed before midnight stuff got hands#im also like. rly anxious posting this i feel like its not Enough of a draws to justify the break bc im like insane#convinced every1 hates me for not posting regularly and wld rather i never post again and other delusions#im working on things i am going so slowly it makes me want to crawl out of my skin but i am working on things!!!#anyway im sorry its just sketchy im sorry my render still looks like an identity crisis pls accept my humble offering#before i crawl back in2 my hole and/or run in2 traffic BYE
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I feel like there are a lot of people out there who needs to hear this:
If you dropped out of school because of diagnosed (or undiagnosed) ADHD, Autism, ADD, OCD, Dyslexia, Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders, schizophrenia etc… You did not fail. The education system failed you.
#neurodiverse stuff#i cannot say this enough#neurodivergent#actually adhd#adhd problems#autism#just autistic things#actually autistic#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#actually disabled#depressing shit#this gave me more emotional damage than my dad#i am going to rant#i am going insane#dropping out#school problems#send help#you can do this#you cannot convince me otherwise#you can't change my mind#you can do it#i believe in you#i believe in their healing powers#i believe in myself#academic assignments#assignmentwriting#assignment help#in this essay i will
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my blog is a gateway drug to cooler and better blogs (my mutuals)
#my blog is weed and all my mutuals are cocaine#it makes sense to me alright lmao#i get it#i have cool moots#like yes please go follow them#but also i am insane and notice when you dont rb things from me but rb them from the mutual i rbd the post from#lmao#i just dont understand the thinking#why even follow me if you dont want to interact with my blog or posts?#its not that serious#mine
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guess which game(s) I've been playing
#kcd#kcd2#hansry#kingdom come deliverance#henry of skalitz#hans capon#kcd pious#pious pavel#there are also kubyenka and hynek doodles but they are just a small part so no tags for them#and mutt and pebbles are here too :)#I also have no idea what the ship name for henry and pious is and even if I did I feel like that second piece might be too vague to add tha#but that very much influenced the drawing. do with that information what you want#anyway.. i technically don't have time to indulge in drawing whatever I want bc I have an art project to finish (also kcd related)#but I can't help it. I am a hedonistic soul splurging on the joys of decently written games that make me go so insane I just HAVE to draw#been talking to tunes my good friend tunes who is also playing it rn and we've been sharing thoughts that make me go!!!!!!!#literally have so many ideas for what to draw but so little time ugh
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Final manifestations for Book 7?
I'm trying REALLY hard not to build up any solid expectations, because I wanna go in ~fresh~! they're already so far away from anything I thought would happen (not in a bad way, I'm just accepting that I'm on Miss Yana's Wild Ride at this point and we're seeing this thing through 'til the end, by gum). so it's nothing too major, but:
they've been handing new crying expressions out like candy lately, I want to see some delicious Malleus tears.
honestly I want everyone to cry buckets. their tears sustain me. the more Silver angst specifically I get the happier I am.
SILVER!!!! 👏 VANROUGE!!!! 👏
just let him have this. the poor boy's been through so much. let him have his big "I'm proud of you, son" moment with Lilia.
I'm 100% expecting Grim's arc (and probably whatever's going on with Crowley) to be its own episode, but a nice hook to leave us hanging on would be good!
a nice hook though, please, I don't think I can take another "Grim is attacking us! now wait eight months to find out what happens :)" cliffhanger...
some Meleanor? as a treat? just a little bit, a tiny quick flashback or something, please Twst I just, I just want to see her again. let her have a little ghost cameo like Dawnathan Knight got. Lilia and his kids are all having their big group hug or whatever and she can gently fade in to be all like
(turning asks off until I'm done playing, SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE Y'ALL)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#one last chance for me to be wrong about everything!#(no it's good i am enjoying it SO much) (just stomping right down on all of my personal like buttons with its whole weight)#(it's just also VERY good at totally subverting all of my expectations)#i don't think we're actually gonna get a permanently dehorned malleus though#just because it feels like an insane thing to remove the most iconic part of one of the most iconic characters of the game#but i could see like...a temporary thing ala raisin vil#or a permanent smaller change like cracks/chips or something (kintsugi horns would be super cool actually)#but i do think it's more likely we'll find some way to keep the status quo re:horn design#if this was the END-end of all of twst then maybe but they still wanna sell merch of this guy so they can't change his design TOO much#i am sorta wondering if he might get a bit of a power nerf though? take him down from ridiculously overpowered to just normal overpowered#idk they made a point of saying the horns were specifically what caused the weather stuff#and the weather stuff has been called out in particular as one of the reasons why mal being so stupidly magical makes him pretty unhappy#everyone's scared of him all the time and he has to actively try not to accidentally kill people when he gets upset#so. idk. maybe it was just a little worldbuilding. but i thought it was interesting they brought that up was all!#me: i'm not going to form any expectations (writes a whole thing speculating on the fate of malleus' horns)#look it's now or never okay#that end of episode rhythmic better be SO cute because i'm already losing my entire head over this
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my issue is that just rewatching Supernatural isn’t enough. It takes too long. I want it all at once. I need a room covered in 327 monitors that feed me every single episode at the same time. I need the DVDs melted down and put into an IV drip. I want every single minute of the show tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. I need to live inside its flesh.
#I’m just a casual fan no biggie#take it or leave it I don’t really care for spn that much#no but seriously like you get me right???? or am I actually going insane#cause when I watch season 1 I miss cas and Jack and Crowley and everyone#but when I watch season 14 I miss the boys on the road looking for dad 🥹#so like I can’t win????#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#castiel#crowley#jack kline#rewatch#going insane#normal show for normal people#misha collins#jensen ackles#jared padalecki#destiel#sam and dean
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Ok ok but you wanna know the real tea?? I've read several beach fics at this point (which are all awesome btw, y'all are amazing writers) and it's a beloved staple to have Edwin be somehwat scandalised at everyone's beach outfits not to mention all flustered from seeing Charles in swim wear. Which is a Good Trope, don't get me wrong, I love that just as much as the next person
HOWEVER
I think actually it's Charles who should be more shooketh about Edwin in his funky lil edwardian two piece!!
Picture this. The year is 1916. You are 16 year old Edwin Payne with a bunch of repressed gay thoughts. Much unpleasantness happens, you die and get dragged to hell, even more unpleasantness happens, 70 years later you finally manage to claw your way up and suddenly women are allowed to vote. There's been not one but two world wars, several countries you grew up reading about in the news don't exist anymore and mini skirts are a thing now.
All I'm saying is, for all the teasing Edwin gets for "What is a handjob?" and "Crystal's internet", this kid was essentially thrust into a scifi world full of weird shit and gets mostly by via an attitude which can only be paraphrases as "fuck it, this might as well be a thing (maybe ask Charles about it later)". King of adaption, master of radical acceptance.
Charles on the other hand, and I say this with only love in my heart, is at his core a boomer. He was there for every tiny gradual shift from '89 to modern day. Sure, he was dead for most of that time, but that's not really relevant. All I'm saying is, seeing the bbc announce marriage equality was probably a bigger shock to Charles than it was to Edwin. That's a guy who already had to accept he will never fully wrap his head around home television.
Also consider the states of undress they've been exposed to seeing the other in. Edwin was stripped to his underwear in hell and still had his knees and elbows covered. And that was probably a more exposing outfit than he'd ever be comfortable with. His usual casual get up features a sweater vest for crying out loud! Meanwhile you have Charles going full 'ceps out in his undershirt first chance he gets. Edwin either got real cool with a lot of shit real fast or he would have combusted several times over those 30 years.
And yes yes, we've all seen Edwin "Haunted By Gay Thoughts" Payne's mental slideshow of abs n hips close ups after getting one (1) glance at the Cat King's stomach. But to his credit, the man was going through a full blown sexuality crisis at that and has since emerged victorious.
So all I'm saying is. Edwin seeing Charles shirtless at the beach? Probably not even the first time this is happening, a lil flustering for sure but just last week he saw two people making out nasty on the tube so hell if he knows. Charles seeing Edwin's kneecaps and upper arms for the first time? Incredible, show stopping, pride and predjudice 2005 hand flex level of suppressed horniness.
Anyway. I'm writing this fic now and none of y'all can stop me.
#dead boy detectives#dbda#Charles Rowland#Edwin Payne#Payneland#dbda meta#smule speaks#Please someone just tell me I am not insane and you can see it too#Charles' Beach Episode TM#smoll smule
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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Someone: *mentions doctor who*
Me, vibrating with the effort it’s taking to not talk about something no average show watcher would even have heard of: oh yeah cool show
#it’s so easy to get me to talk about obscure doctor who shit#I will bring up looms#and my options on time lords#doctor who#this is nothing against people who have only watched the show or don’t know any lore I am just insane
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this can't just be me but do you ever hear a YouTubers voice and immediately click off because you just can't stand how they sound and don't know why. even if the content itself is fine
#theres so many good video essays i absolutely can not watch bc their voice just drives me insane#idk why im like this omg#i think if any voice sounds 'fake' it makes me feel super unsettled#i am begging YouTubers to pls use their normal talking voice 😭
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surprise it's yuri!!!in 2024
#my art#yuri on ice#yuri!!! on ice#yoi#fanart#katsuki yuuri#victor nikiforov#victuuri#yoi fanart#this was the secret 4th thing that lost the poll jdsfgsdfjj#id been thinking about doing a tribute since getting that one ask but i didn't anticipate how Into it i would get once i started#the way i flew through this piece .. just over 1 day??? insane#yuri is /that/ ingrained in my muscle memory#I was looking at refs and ?? id forgotten how wild this show was#we just got all of that?? a pole dance a proposal a kiss a pair skate....and it was ALL canon? incredible#AND YEAH UNPROMPTED HISTORY MAKER PLAYS IN MY YT MIX#dean fujioka jumpscare#also looking back at my old yoi pieces was so wild. that ws really 8 years ago huh.#little bit of an ego boost looking at how far ive come#but also im just grateful idk sry 2 b sappy on main#i hope 16 year old me is happy that i did this bc im happy i did this#edit bc i forgot a bunch of white outline i am a fraud
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Welcome to the reverse verse! This is part 1 of 2 of a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are and I can't wait to tell you all about it, because I'm incapable of being normal and chill about these concepts, so I ran with it.
Charles Rowland was born in 1900, his mum was from India and moved to the UK after marrying Charles' dad, a soldier who was not... very loving. Charles' heritage gave him some problems, but none as bad as that one time in 1916 when he was sacrificed to a demon and spent the next 7 decades in Hell. He doesn't like to talk about it, except when it can get him what he wants. He was always an angry boy, or so he thought, but after his time spent in Hell, it became so much worse. He's explosive and unpredictable, and so he mostly avoids conflict. He doesn't need to fight anyone, as his charming personality and sweet smile (plus a few smart calculations) always seem to be enough to convince people to give him what he asks for. And when the fight is inevitable... well, he has Edwin for that!
Edwin Payne grew up very sheltered, in a deeply religious home, and he is proud of that. Don't try to argue with him, because he surely has a Bible verse that will help him win (and if not, he is not above using his croquet mallet now that he has someone to keep safe). Unfortunately for him, he realized at a quite young age that he felt attraction towards other boys. Even worse, somehow other people could tell as well, including those peers that ended up killing him for it (the rumour spread throughout school was that he had died due to AIDS, and most people just accepted it). He never acted on those unnatural urges of his, but when he met this ghost who had just escaped Hell... he decided not to risk eternal damnation, and to stay here with Charles, instead. Edwin has no interest in the supernatural or in magic, and sort of looks down on them, but luckily his friend's got that covered.
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#honestly the fact that i was given so much freedom to plan this universe is insane to me i am so thankful#i feel like this version of them is a bit darker#that wasn't intentional but oh well#guess that comes with having a charles who is kind of manipulative#and an edwin who is the annoying kind of catholic#(i am allowed to say that i come from a catholic family... not very catholic mind you my mom didn't actually care)#cw homophobia#can't forget that one#i'll post the next part probably tomorrow or the day after!#that's the crossover so wait for it#just to make it clear yes this edwin is in love with his charles but in denial#and this charles adores his edwin and doesn't think much about it#universal constant etc etc
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Sae Niijima is such a good character it drives me insane a little. She's not a mother nor a maternal or doting older sister but instead a twenty four year old who was thrown into a position of responsibility that she never asked for. She loves Makoto just as much as she resents her and its so apparent every time they talk up until November. "Are you studying?" (I want you to do well) (I need you to get a job and stop making my life harder) "I'll use any method necessary to get this promotion" (Life will be easier for us) (So stop distracting me with your problems) "Focus on your future" (I know that you're capable) (I can't afford to waste my time on you, so stop wasting time on others)
Makoto is not only the sole reason she pushes as hard as she does for a promotion, for success, and the reason that she loses herself in her animosity over her fathers death, but also someone she can't stand for so long. Makoto was 14-15 when their father died. Sae was 21. As soon as she got the career she wanted and things started to look up, her stability was robbed from her and she was disillusioned with the system that her father had taught her to rely on and completely adhere to. How do you manage, the daughter of a cop, following his footsteps towards law enforcement, when you're suddenly reminded of how unfair it is? You can't quit, your little sister relies on you and she's so young and struggling just as badly with this grief. So you pick yourself up and you get moving again. You push harder, press further. You abandon your morals and your ethics because punishing criminals (guilty or not) is almost like punishing the man who killed your father.
And the whole time she's fighting for promotions, going for drinks with the SIU Director to make herself more favourable for promotions, trying to navigate being a woman in a competitive, suffocating, male-dominated field, falling behind despite doing so much where others are promoted for doing so little - all the while your little sister comes back from school and her biggest issues are so small compared to yours.
Persona 5 revolves so heavily around grief and loss and change and Sae embodies all of that so well, all of the sharp and unpleasant and jagged parts of grief.
#sae niijima#persona brainrot real#idk what possessed me for this i jsut love her#beyond her being rlly hot and such a driven and compelling character#the way that we see her on screen is so heavily shaped and influenced by grief that its almost crushing when you notice it#she focuses on work because if she falls behind it could cost her and her sister everything#yet she lives in her fathers house. works a job her father would be proud of. is praised through her proximity to her father.#her sister idolises her and relies on her like a parent. sae was never supposed to be that to her#how am i meant to be your mother and your father? how am i meant to be the source of stability in your life when im not stable in mine#and the whole time your little sister sits there and where shes actually putting on a brave face and forcing through her own grief#struggling to put a life without her father into perspective#to you she just looks ... complacent. willfully ignorant to the situation that you're both in and the struggles you're both facing#why WOULDNT you hate her?#and then you realise that shes not ignorant. shes not as stupid or as oblivious as you thought#every time she was being distracting and asking pointless questions she was just reaching out to you#and each time you had to push her hand away and tell her not now. focus. study.#they drive me insane actually#persona 5#p5r#persona 5 royal#makoto niijima
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