#am I just supposed to function like a normal person after all that

[saltytearsofjoy]

I rewatched end of evangelion and yeah it’s still a cinematic masterpiece or whatever but also who in their right minds would make this fucking abomination of a series

[nomairuins]

and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do

[she-is-ovarit]

Please hear me.

Being tired isn't normal. It doesn't matter that you're aging. Being fatigued is a serious sign.

It might be difficult to judge "normal tired" from "bad tired". Rule of thumb is that if you notice that other people seem to be on another plane of existence with alertness, you're not "normal tired".

I slept for 10-12 hours a day at least and still was tired for most of the day but "functioned" (went to work).

It turns out it wasn't just one thing. It was a lot of things. I went on liquid vitamins first because that's all I had energy for—to throw money at something that can be delivered to me. And it was crucial. I went off my heart medication after my doctor let me know my active heart rate was way too low (prior to the vitamins). I felt super improved and this went from feeling super improved to extremely improved after I began to eat more healthy fats (avocados, eggs, nuts, vegetarian-friendly animal products). I cannot emohasize the eating more fats thing enough. Did you know that due to our biology women are supposed to have way more healthy fats than what we're typically told?

I had struggled with other symptoms I brushed off as normal too. My hands and feet being cold all the time. Turns out this wasn't normal. How many women and girls have cold hands and feet constantly? I was "adoringly clumsy". Balance issues from vitamin B12 deficiency. Foot cramps. Magnesium deficiency. Generalized anxiety disorder. Still have it, but significantly improved because my body isn't fighting for it's life. Lack of focus/concentration issues to the point where I worried I had ADHD or something since that's all I know about that mental health condition.

Constant cravings I blamed on emotional eating. Increasing my healthy fat intake all about cured this—helped more than protein. I began to lose weight when I increased my healthy fats because I was no longer seeking out sugar or bad fats. Iron deficiency and vitamin D3 deficiencies were also confirmed on blood tests before I started liquid vitamins.

When I went off my heart med and bought those dumb electrolyte packets for my water, my arrhythmia is now hardly noticeable physically.

And to circle back—I am awake. And I sometimes break down and cry because I can't believe how I was functioning now that I understand what having energy feels like. I didn't know. I didn't know there was even anything wrong with me. I thought I was just a tired person. That being tired was normal to being female and aging.

Chronic fatigue is extremely serious. It's not normal. You're not just a tired person.

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

[spacebarbarianweird]

HC of Astarion x fem Elf Tav who’s a Druid, more specifically of the Circle of The Spores subclass. She wears skirts and dresses of dark teals and blacks with gold embroidery and legs round gold glasses, always travels with herbs and roots in her pockets and pouches, and is never afraid to raise an army of the fungal infested undead for the hell of it. Basically she’s the healer who puts on a neutral front but is begging for the chance to rightfully unleash chaos and destruction

Hi! Oh, this is a nice design of a character! And I am sucker for elf!Tav because they can live for many centuries. And Spore Circle is absolutely badass. It turned out to be weird, creepy and bittersweet and I hope you like it! I also tag @tolkien-fantasy since they love Spore Druids.

Astarion x Spore Circle Druid!Tav

There is a thing about Spore Druids.

Unlike your colleagues, you don't particularly hate the undead.

If anything, your magic is about death, too.

Mold and fungi transform lifeless material into something new and weird.

Death isn't the end, it's just a new stage.

The problem with the undead is that they often wish things would stay the same and never change.

Which is unnatural.

Life is about growth and death is about transformation.

You encourage Astarion to heal and grow.

The worst thing about his past was stability and the belief nothing was going to change.

But somehow he preserved his personality and now he slowly demonstrates his ability to "live" in his undeath.

Though, you scare him a bit.

You can resurrect the dead with spores, turning them into zombies, alive and dead, hungry and terrifying.

You infect the corpses and transform them into your loyal servants.

And you can use the same spores to make your enemies blind, deaf, or paralyzed.

Astarion calls you a walking hotbed of plague.

Though, of course, he is in awe - mostly because everything you do is between life and death, which is the stage he himself is stuck in.

But your magic is beautiful.

Mushrooms growing on dead bodies.

Mold desecrating the food.

Fungi bringing life to the most desolate places.

Post-game, Astarion doubts whether to go with you, but you assure him that the Spore Circle will accept him due to his ability to change.

You study the fungi to find answers to your questions and his problems.

The spores can make him more like a living person.

They can protect him from the sun, and they can let him eat normal food.

The prospect scares Astarion - he's seen the infected corpses. It's creepy.

And what if this magic fungi takes over his mind?

You don't insist. It's his choice, after all.

And you are an elf yourself, you have plenty of time.

But the life in the shadows and hunger take a toll on Astarion.

He doesn't want to be an undead. He wants to be alive.

And if his vampirism can't be cured, why not let nature change him?

At least, if you promise his personality won't be affected.

It won't, you are sure of that.

Astarion lets you infect him with the spores.

This transformation is nothing like becoming a vampire.

It's soft, gentle, warm.

Astarion feels like dreaming, sleeping in a warm bed.

The only thing he acknowledges is your presence. You check on him all the time sometimes meditating close to his "fungi grave".

It take almost a year for spores to finish their job, reconstructing his dead flesh.

A lonely year of being alone in your bed.

When Astarion wakes up, he doesn't feel the hunger anymore.

The sun doesn't burn him and he stays in the sunlight for hours before you come to take him home.

The symbiotic fungi has restored his organs to the point where they functioned as they are supposed to.

Astarion is scared to see himself in the mirror - but when he does he sees himself.

Though, there are some changes.

There are golden spots of spores in is eyes and barely visible cobwebs on his legs and arms.

And he is warm. He is so warm.

With his newfound "life", Astarion gets some new abilities, similar to the ones you have.

He can cast spores and rise up the dead, infecting them.

He can hear the fungi songs, connecting his mind with this ancient entity.

And he can feel you.

You know each other thoughts, each other intentions, and presence.

He always knows where you are. He feels your emotions, your sorrows and happiness and you feel him the same way.

You are more than thiramins, more than lovers.

But the best gift the spores gave to Astarion is mortality.

One day, the fungi will slowly take over his body and mind, transforming the flesh once again, bringing him mor, the final death.

And if you are still alive by this moment, you will let spores take over you so you can be together in this next stage of life and death.

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96 @locallegume @brainfullofhotsauce

[apathetic-revenant]

uh...hi?

[head pokes around corner]

so...

I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)

but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.

but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.

here's what happened:

in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.

no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.

tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.

now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.

anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.

I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.

it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.

but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.

OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.

but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."

well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.

but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.

I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.

[myteavsricochet]

Favorite firstprince fanfics, another incomplete list:

(Part 1)

Come Let Me Love You

Henry always struggled to have a good night's sleep. Alex made it easier over the years they had been together, but little cries in the middle of the night always woke Henry.

A little glimpse into a future where Alex and Henry are doting fathers to a beautiful little girl.

Obliviously Devoted

She looks at him in the way only June can. She's the only one he'll allow it from without a fight. "I don't know if you're ready to have this conversation or not."

His fork clatters to the plate in front of him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

June sighs a sigh of long-suffering and pinches the bridge of her nose, before she looks him dead in the eye and sets his world upside down. "You know you and Henry are dating, right?"

Alex gapes at her. Mouth hung open, eyes blown wide. "W-what?"

"I say this with all the love in the world," she says. "But sometimes, I swear, you are the most oblivious idiot on the face of the planet."

Tags: idiots in love, oblivious acd, best friends to lovers, alternate universe - roommates/housemates

(even though you want to) please try to never grow up

“You better have a good fucking reason for sending me to voicemail, Hen.” He glares at the phone for one second before he actually sees the screen, and then his face melts into something Henry can only describe as fond. “Oh,” he whispers, dropping his mug of coffee onto the counter so he can lean in closer to the phone. “Look who’s there.”

“Yeah.” Henry keeps his voice so low he isn’t even sure Alex can hear him. He doesn’t seem to mind, eyes taking in the picture in front of him with parted lips, the edge of his finger covering the camera when he undoubtedly reaches to caress his daughter’s head.

Or, Alex misses his daughter when he goes back to work after a long paternity leave.

tags: domestic, tooth-rotting fluff, family fic

Let Me Wash Away Your Worries

Alex has had a terrible week. Henry is right there to take care of him.

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Bath Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Romantic Fluff, Praise Kink, Alex Claremont-Diaz Needs a Hug, Worship

ephemeral enchantments

in which Henry is an overworked barista with a tendency to embarrass himself in front of everything that breaths and Alex is charmed from the first time he met him.

Tags: Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Awkward Flirting

Three fights Alex and Henry never had

Yes, Alex and Henry got their Happily Ever After. But that doesn't mean everything was just automatically perfect when they moved in together...

Tags: Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff

am i homophobic? (URGENT) (PLEASE HELP)

Now, it might be pretty early in the morning and Alex’s brain functions might not be working as quickly as they normally do, but he can still put two and two together. There's a strange man in their kitchen. Henry is shirtless, rumpled, and holding two pairs of boxers. Henry and this Sam guy slept together. Which… obviously is fine because Alex is not an asshole, but he’s definitely feeling something about this development that he will examine at a later date. But of course, instead of saying something normal, you know, like a normal person would, he says, “Ohh.” Like a fucking weirdo.

or: the "am i homophobic?" roommate au that no one asked for

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Sexuality Crisis, Mentions of homophobia, no one is like actually homophobic though, Idiots in Love, Explicit Sexual Content, Unsafe Sex

The shape of your lips bruising my heart

So, that neck-kissing scene in the bloopers? Yeah, that one. Well. I wrote it.

—

In which Alex has a hard time leaving the hotel after their night in Paris.

you’re leaving (now i’m left amongst the living)

Six years since they've been together, Alex and Henry were now a far cry from the lovestruck couple they once were when their history began. If you ask Alex, all of it was Henry’s fault. If you ask Henry, he’d agree and say that Alex was right.

But before Alex could ever find out why Henry does not seem like the man he once decided to spend the rest of his life with, he already walked away from it all. Now, Henry was alone, left to deal with whatever shattered remains he could salvage from his life.

Or, the one where Henry’s sick and Alex only finds out two years after they've broken up.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Lawyer Alex, Writer Henry, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hospitalization

Fifty First Dates

Henry has used a dating app exactly one time. Predictably, the date turns out to be terrible. The bartender, however, is not.

OR

A cute stranger’s solution to Henry’s woeful dating life is to set him up on fifty first dates.

Most People Exist

Henry Fox is a nurse at the New York Cancer Center. He’s happy with his job, content enough with his life, but it all gets turned on its head when he connects with a patient with a brain tumor—Alex Claremont-Diaz.

———

Henry is a nurse, Alex is a patient.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Cancer, Nurses & Nursing, Minor Character Death, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, They will end up happy I pinky swear

i want your dreary mondays

“You little menace,” a voice says from the door, entirely too fond to be anything mean. “I told you to wait by the car, not go inside.” The man steps inside, shaking the rain from his hair, and Henry is treated to the sight of the most beautiful man he’s seen in his entire life, standing in the middle of his shop with clothes dripping to the floor and raincoat bundled up around him. He notices then the umbrella clutched in the little boy’s hand, the innocent wide eyes watching his father, and the picture forms in his head.

Or, five times Henry makes a piece of art for Alex's son on his drinks, and one time he does it for Alex himself.

It's Nice to Have a Friend

Two boys meet on a beach, build a sand castle, write letters, and fall in love.

Tags: Alternative Universe - Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Slow Burn, Growing up together

Leave A Message

"This is Alex Claremont-Diaz's phone. If it's a business matter, I don't know how you got ahold of this number, but if you have my number that means you probably have Zahra's. Call her instead. If you're friends or family, just text me. If you're anyone else, I'll call you back as soon as I can."

Or: Alex's voicemail message over the years, and the messages people leave for him.

I must tell you what you will not ask

Henry's lower lip wobbles, and a fresh tear rolls down his cheek. Alex watches it track down to his chin, and wonders if Henry would mind him wiping it away. “I really was looking forward to seeing them.”

Another tear escapes, and this time Alex can't help but lean forward and brush it away with his thumb. Henry's breath catches, and he looks at Alex, wearing an expression he can't quite parse. “Come home with me,” Alex blurts out.

Henry's plans for Christmas fall through, so Alex invites him home for the holidays. They're best friends, strictly platonic roommates, so why does everyone think they're dating?

drive-thru mornings

“Would you like to pay cash or by card, sir?”

Alex startles, but recovers quickly and smiles charmingly at the girl in the window. Maggie, her tag reads. “By card, darlin’,” he says. “Actually, could I pay for the man behind me, as well? I have no idea what he ordered, but he’s strikingly handsome, isn’t he?”

Tags: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in love

you turned a moment (into forever)

Sharing an apartment with Alex had seemed like a good idea at first. They’re best friends, prices in Brooklyn are absurd, and they had both been in urgent need of residence – it only made sense.

Except for the small, tiny, teeny, barely there fact that Henry has been in love with Alex from the first moment he laid eyes on him. And the fact that Alex doesn’t know, and can never find out.

—

Or, as coffeecatsme so eloquently put it: Roommates AU where Alex has insomnia and slips into Henry’s bed every night because it’s the only way he gets a good night’s sleep.

You Can Hear It In The Silence

At the Lake House, Henry doesn’t run when Alex tells him he loves him. But he can’t say it back; too afraid of the consequences it would have, no matter how true it is. But as the truth settles in, Henry decides Alex is worth fighting for. So he does.

A Long Way From the Playground

Henry and Alex were best friends growing up until they went to separate colleges and they grew apart. When they see each other again as adults, against the odds, both living in the same city again, will it be a joyful reunion or will the pain of the years apart get in the way? How do you become friends again when there is so much of the past in the way?

Oblivion

The man starts to cock the hammer of gun, and Alex squeezes his eyes shut, his lower lip trembling almost imperceptibly.

“Stop!” Henry shouts, his voice cracking. “I’ll give you whatever you want, I’ll do anything…just please, don’t hurt him.”

Alex’s eyes fly open, shooting Henry the same incredulous look that he gave him in the hallway, and Henry knows he’s shown too much of his hand, revealed a part of himself that he’d sworn he would take to his grave, but he’s too full of fear and desperation to feel self-conscious about it now. He can deal with the consequences when they get out of this.

If they get out of this.

******

What if the moment in the hospital wasn’t a false alarm and the publicity surrounding the forced bromance between Alex and Henry had the adverse effect of them being kidnapped together?

Confidential Memorandum

"Hello, Mr. Fox-Mountchristen's office. How may I help you?"

"Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fox-Mount-krishen, please?"

Alex blinked. After two weeks of hearing nothing but the voices of snooty men and frazzled secretaries calling in, the person on the other line now sounded decidedly neither snooty nor male nor in any way adult.

It was a little girl.

"Mr. Fox-Mountchristen's unfortunately in a meeting right now,” Alex began slowly, “but I could take a message?"

"Oh." The girl paused. "You're not Mr. Hunter."

Alex starts a new job as Henry's new assistant. Henry's daughter keeps calling the office and leaving him messages.

we thought we ruled the world

Alex stares down at his latest text from Henry. A link to an article he’s seen about ten versions of so far. He’s managed to resist clicking on any of them, but now Henry is sending it, so he supposes he should at least give it a skim.

How Prince Henry’s Relationship With FSOTUS Lost Ellen Claremont The Election

............

Or, what would have happened if Ellen lost.

Run, Don't Walk

Henry loves sex. He loved sex even before he was with Alex, although there's something to be said for the level of precision and intimacy acquired through years of learning each other's bodies. He's liked being filled from the first time he ever experienced the feeling, and he doesn't think he'll ever love anything quite as much as he loves getting fucked.

But this? This is giving him pause for thought.

Tags: Porn without plot, Marathon sex, Henry loves sex, and Alex, and sex with Alex

london bridge has fallen down

Alex can feel the eyes of the room on him as Shaan approaches his side. Then, Shaan quietly murmurs in his ear. They’re words he’s thought about before, distantly wondering about what might happen when they were finally uttered. How their lives might change. There’s nothing that can prepare him for the reality of it though, nothing that can prepare him for how his breath hitches when Shaan speaks.

‘London Bridge is down, Sir.’ 

---

Queen Mary is dead. Henry doesn't know how to feel.

Screw Your Courage to the Sticking Place (and forget macbeth is a fucking tragedy)

"You don't owe me anything."

"Of course I do. If you have time now...there are things I'd like to say."

Alex hesitates.

"I know I don't have any right to ask you to listen," Henry adds. He sounds so hopeful though.

A little closure doesn't sound like a terrible thing. Agreeing to go with Henry, alone, to Kensington Palace sounds like returning to the scene of a crime.

It's been over a decade since their breakup - Alex is now a single dad forging his career as a lawyer, and Henry's finally getting the courage to stand up to his grandmother. In finding themselves, can they also find their way back to each other?

[morlock-holmes]

Part of my confusion about "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria" is that it's really just... not a good term? It doesn't really reflect what it's supposed to, which is the idea that some teenagers essentially take on a trans identity as a sort of social role spurred on by friend groups.

I think that this is likely to be actually true in at least some sense, so I was amazed at how unconvincing the Littman paper which coined the term actually is. The parental narratives advanced in that paper are just unbelievable on their face.

Ever since the gay rights movement I've felt that our vocabulary for talking about this stuff is deliberately incredibly stupid, for reasons I haven't quite been able to suss out.

In the gay rights battles, everybody got together and agreed that there were exactly two possibilities:

Gay people are born that way

Gay people made a choice to be gay

I think this is really dumb because those are really obviously not the only two options, and also because there's lots of biological "born this way" things we still treat or try to eliminate, and lots of choices that are still incredibly important to protect.

But also, like, okay, think about sexual fetishes. Say you have a guy with a cheerleader fetish. Cheerleaders are a contingent social phenomenon; no 12th century Breton had a cheerleader fetish. The possibility of such a fetish arose with the invention of the cheerleader.

But it's just as obvious that people do not choose their fetishes the way that they choose, say, a new car. Nobody says, "After listing out the pros and cons, I felt that having a cheerleader fetish was the best choice, because it combines a little bit of exotic spice while still being mainstream enough that it can't be used as blackmail if people find out about it."

No, one day you just realize that you think cheerleaders are really hot.

I do tend to think that gender identity is, for most people, a lot less immediately set in stone than sexual orientation is. My personal impression is that the vast majority of people start to understand very quickly whether they are attracted to men, women, or both, and that they only tell themselves differently because they fear social censure.

I'm not really convinced that the same is true of gender identity; I think that for an extremely large number of people it does function a bit more like a fetish, in that there are people who encounter the idea for the first time, go, "Huh, yeah that's cool or whatever" and after repeated encounters come to think, "Actually I am really into this."

I'm very, very suspicious of the tendency to then assert that this must inherently, then, be a discovery of something that always existed within the person since birth.

There's also the fact that gender roles exist, and people want to be legible to people around them.

For a lot of people, dressing up as a vampire on Halloween is fun, but dressing up as a vampire to go grocery shopping in June would be deeply embarrassing. Because on Halloween all the people around you understand why you're dressed that way and your dress makes you part of a larger social whole; in June you're going against the grain, marking yourself out from the people around you, probably drawing stares and hidden smiles.

Because sex roles in our society are so set in stone, there is a certain extreme dissatisfaction with not following them, even when allowed to do so.

I can wear chokers and frills and pretty hair ribbons if I want, but the women around me can do that anywhere in the country and have people think of it as normal, as obvious, rather than *a statement*.

Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, from reading the Littman paper, seems to refer to a parental conviction that their child essentially got the idea to be trans from a peer group who convinced them they were trans despite a lack of gender dysphoria in childhood.

Like I said, the general narrative is really, really hard to believe at face value, for example:

A total of 63.8% of the parents have been called “transphobic” or “bigoted” by their children for one or more reasons, the most common being for: disagreeing with the child about the child’s self-assessment of being transgender (51.2%); recommending that the child take more time to figure out if their feelings of gender dysphoria persist or go away (44.6%); expressing concerns for the child’s future if they take hormones and/or have surgery (40.4%); calling their child by the pronouns they used to use (37.9%); telling the child they thought that hormones or surgery would not help them (37.5%); recommending that their child work on other mental health issues first to determine if they are the cause of the dysphoria (33.3%); calling the child by their birth name (33.3%); or recommending a comprehensive mental health evaluation before starting hormones and/or surgery (20.8%)

So, like, the whole tenor of the paper is that these are basically very liberal parents who are sort of being cut off by their kids for no reason, but like...

This is typical of the general weasel wording used by Littman. Are the third of parents who called their kids by pronouns they used to use going, "She - Oops, he, I'm sorry" one time and getting blasted? Do they claim to be trying but just get it wrong literally every single time? Or do they just flat out refuse to call their child by their preferred pronouns?

When my brother was first entering high school, he joined the Sea Scouts, a division of the Boy Scouts dedicated to learning about sailing. He later entered a maritime college and has had a succession of maritime jobs, which will likely be his career for the rest of his life.

Is that the result of social contagion or was he born that way?

I think the question is obviously both absurd and irrelevant.

[ihatedtoadmit]

Silent solitude

pairing: Han Jisung x gn! reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: self-hatred; possibly too much adoration for this man, but I am dying inside and unapologetic

word count: ~1.2k

summary: You still hated the days where talking felt impossibly tiring, but now they felt bearable with him by your side.

↳ Main Masterlist

All rights reserved. Please do not steal, repost or feed my work into AI. Thank you!

It was supposed to be a normal day. A day filled with nothing out of the ordinary, a day of comfortable habits and practised motions.

And yet, it wasn’t.

When I first woke up, I hadn’t realised it yet. I hadn’t noticed that harrowing feeling, that urge, creep in yet, no. Everything was normal. Sure, my joints cracked as I started moving after sleeping peacefully all night, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. Neither was the notification mountain that greeted me after I unlocked my phone, although that was mostly thanks to the group chat my chaotic friends shared and joked around in.

As I started my morning routine to look at least a bit presentable for a long day of work ahead, I scrolled through the messages slowly, quietly laughing at a few specific ones. It took me a while to go through every single person and message, only done by the time I was ready to leave the house, yet I still took the time to respond to all of them. I didn’t want to worry anyone, after all, especially not my hardworking significant other.

Work was the same as always, draining and demanding, but again, I was used to it. There had always been an army of emails to check, a mountain of papers to go through and analyse, countless datasheets needing to be filled and changed. It came with the nature of the field I chose to work in, I knew that all too well when I decided to study for it.

But somehow with every person that came to me for something, be it work-related or just a quick and friendly chat, I felt more and more empty. As if a gaping hole that had been sealed away long ago was slowly being released, gradually taking over every single cell in my exhausted body.

At first I didn’t really notice it fully. Merely chalked it all up to being tired, or that it was just one of those days once again.

I only registered this distressing feeling when it was too late, my mind annoyed by every small and seemingly useless chat, my mouth shut and feeling too heavy to operate. By then, my tongue had long been stuck to the roof of my mouth, an uncomfortable pain coursing through me as I peeled it off slowly.

In a way, I was right. It was, in fact, one of those days, just not one where I was in random pain or feeling anxious or even depressed. No, it was one filled with silent solitude, something that always came and went suddenly, with no explanation. I hated these days, where talking felt too taxing, something that should have been a basic human function, easy to execute. Days where I sought after other’s trusted presence, yet couldn’t bear to actively communicate with them.

I hated myself.

And so, immediately after work I cocooned myself with a soft blanket and laid down on the plush cushions of the sofa, mindlessly watching some kind of random kdrama on Netflix. I couldn’t find the energy in me to watch anything truly engaging, to watch a show that would certainly get my mind to think and spin stories for it out of adoration.

I’d stayed like that for hours, for the rest of the day, only realising how late it had gotten when I heard the door open and close. His voice called out, greeting me, and I mustered up all the strength I had in me to hum back just loud enough so he could hear it.

The thud of his bag hitting the floor could be heard, followed by a tired sigh and approaching footsteps.

“Hey jagi, how are you? Long day at work?” - Jisung asked, our eyes meeting on the black screen of the TV that must have turned off while I was spaced out.

I hummed back once again, slightly curling up on myself further as I watched his eyebrows furrow at my silent answer, expression saturated with worry and concern. He watched me for a few more seconds, as if debating something, and I hated how I couldn’t bring myself to ask the questions I wanted to, to ask about his day and if he enjoyed his time with the boys. I despised it.

Jisung sputtered out an ‘I will be right back!’ and before I could even attempt at acknowledging it, he rushed off, feet heavily hitting the floor in his rush. It was my turn to furrow my eyebrows, but more out of confusion rather than concern, not really knowing what the cause could have been for the idol’s sudden actions.

Although I didn’t need to ponder for long, his dishevelled form appeared just a few minutes later before my bundled up one, a bright smile sitting permanently on his face. I watched carefully as he made himself comfy on the sofa beside me, his own fluffy blanket around him and nearly swallowing him whole. And just as I thought he was done, foolishly, might I add, his arms reached towards me from underneath their hiding place and pulled me flush against him, my head resting comfortably atop his steadily beating chest.

He laid down, arms gently cradling my curled up form, that beloved heart-shaped smile never leaving his lips as he started talking about his day, completely unprompted. I nearly jerked at the sound of his first sentence, my grip only strengthening over his clothes once I had realised what he was doing.

I didn’t need to ask him for it.

I did not need to utter even a single syllable for him to speak to me, for him to so lovingly cradle me to his chest, hand carefully gliding through my hair in a perpetually repeating, soothing motion. My lips wobbled as I felt the dam inside me slowly crumbling, the world becoming blurry in my tired eyes. I couldn’t help but seek refuge in the crook of his neck, listening to the slight hitch in his voice that otherwise kept steadily talking.

And so I laid there with him, hidden underneath a sea of blankets, safely caged inside his gentle hold and surrounded by his adored voice. Never once did he stop, to pry out the reason for my state, not a single time. He continued telling me stories, laughing or grumbling at whatever had happened, leaving behind tender touches on my skin.

By the time he’d stopped talking, I was near the lands of sleep, his presence comforting my broken soul.

“It’s okay to feel like this, you know. Even if you find talking difficult on some days, I know you’re still the same person who cares about us, about me. Your love isn’t bound to your words, jagi. Besides, if you want to tell me something, you can always just send a message to me on your phone, I understand. Love you, jagiya.” - he murmured out, pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head that lingered there long enough for my chest to squeeze painfully out of pure love and warmth.

I slipped into a deep slumber with tear-stained cheeks, his final sentences completely destroying the fragile dam residing inside, letting that warmth-filled rain to break free.

[bellysoupset]

The last 2 fics were so good!!

Considering Wendy will be in town for a few days could you write a fic where Max is the sickie and Wendy as caretaker? Maybe she wants to thank him for helping her, and he’s just not feeling well for some reason reason.

Oh we're gonna OD on Wendy this week. I love love LOVE writing her with Vince and I've been going insane trying to think of a way of having her interact with Max, so now you guys are gonna have to put up with me milking this scenarios sooo much.

-------------------

Excedrin had a really nice side effect of wiping Wendy's memory better than Tequila did. Sure, just like Tequila it left her feeling queasy and a little woozy, but it was better than the shrapnel of pain digging through her eyes or even the memory of the pain.

Despite the memory loss, Wendy knew something had happened. She had been conscious enough during most of Max's rescue, so his participation wasn't lost in the void, just Vince's arrival. And Vin was acting weird.

He was always a touchy person, but something was just... Off.

When Wendy came to be, around 5 AM next day, she realized she had been lying halfway across his lap for all of the night. Vince was still as a statue, but as she let out a groan, all muscles sore and her head swimming, he had woken up immediately. Hands cupping her cheeks and asking over and over if she was alright and, again, it was normal for him to be touchy and caring and loving... But this was just a tad much.

Next day he had to go to work still - how he was functioning after sleeping sitting up most of the night and tending to her, Wendy didn't know - so Wen had spent most of her morning lazing in bed, until lunch time when Vince came back with flowers and food for them both.

"I can't stay, I need to go back to finish my classes, but I didn't want you to have lunch alone," he had explained, while planting the huge bouquet of tulips in her arms and frankly, how was she supposed not to swoon?

He didn't let her get up to grab even a fork and had been doting on her like Wendy was a baby bird with a broken wing. Fluttery kisses all over her face, stamped to her brow, her nose, her cheeks, her lips.

"I'm alright, you know?" Wendy grabbed his face, allowing her fingers to sink in his cheeks to keep him put, "I know migraines are scary, but between me and Luke you're a pro at them. So what's up, hon?"

"Nothing," Vince wrinkled his nose, averting his eyes. He was a shitty liar, she loved that about him, "just worried about you, that's all."

She let it slide, not in the mood to search for any sort of conflict. If Vince wanted to treat her like his little porcelain doll, then so be it.

It wasn't until later that night, when they were cuddled up in bed and Wendy was pressed so close to Vince she could feel every little noise and movement from his body, that he asked, "so you were put on administrative leave? What happened?"

"Went over the limit of hours," Wendy pressed her nose to his collarbone, a kiss to his naked chest and inhaled him, breathing out as all tension left her. Vin was playing with the ends of her hair, his chin pressed to the top of her head and she heard his chuckle rumble deep inside of him.

"Is that even a thing?" He nibbled the top of her ear, teeth grazing it and causing Wendy to squirm as it tickled, "what's the limit?"

"80 hours per week..." she mumbled, trying to muffle the sound of her words. Vince heard her loud and clear though, because he tensed and moved under her, so he could glare at her.

"80?" He moved a hand from her head in order to count on his fingers, "that's... That's nearly twelve hours per day, Wendy. How did you even manage to- how many did you do?"

"Not important," Wendy pouted, moving up on the bed to press herself back against him, planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth, "not important at all."

"They suspended you," Vince scoffed, "it's a little fucking important, Wendy."

"No," she whined, kissing his neck, "not important at all."

It seemed it wasn't only her avoiding conflict, because while she could still hear his thoughts whirling and the answer on the tip of his tongue, Vince only grumbled and squeezed her into a hug.

She had driven over on a Tuesday and wasted all of Wednesday doing nothing in bed and recovering, so it was Thursday when Wendy felt like herself again. She was so happy to be with Vince, that she wasn't even pissed off when she woke up with him moving around in the barely lit bedroom.

"What time is it?" Wendy yawned, rolling on the bed and searching for her phone. Vince, who was in the kitchen area, quietly sipping coffee and watching her sleep, jerked slightly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you-"

"You didn't," Wendy rubbed her eyes, sitting up and studying him from head to toe, "you look so hot."

Her boyfriend grinned, lowering his mug inside the sink and crossing the room to kiss her, lips crashing against hers and pushing Wendy flat on her back, "it's your eyes."

"Uh-hu," Wendy sighed happily, fingers gently drifting over his curls in order to not mess them up. He had clearly been up for at least an hour, because his hair was humid but not wet and the curls were forming into spirals instead of the loose waves she saw after a shower, "mine and everyone else's in town..."

Vince paused, half lying on top of her, his chin resting in the valley between her breasts. He huffed out an amused breath, then caught her eyes, "I'm really sorry I wasn't here sooner when you were sick-"

"Oh, stop it," Wendy rolled her eyes, squirming so she could wrap her legs around his waist, "I said it before, we're fine. I'm fine. It was just a bad migraine and I wasn't even alone-"

"And what if Max hadn't saved you from the side of the road? There's no way you could've called me- And who knows if I would have even picked up mid class," Vince glared at her, "you could've been seriously hurt."

"That's on me for driving on top of a migraine, ho-"

"A migraine you got because you're overworked and exhausted," Vince sighed, moving so he could cup her cheek with a hand, "and you're overworked because you don't want to be home alone-"

"No," Wendy glared at him, shaking her head, "we're not doing this," she shoved his shoulder off of her, "it's too early in the morning for this bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, Wendy, it's your health-"

"No," Wendy cut him off, sharply, "I'm not having this conversation now."

Vince's shoulders dropped in a defeated manner, the pushover that he was, and he nodded, straightening up and pulling her in, in order to kiss the top of her head, "okay, we'll talk about this later."

How about never? Wendy thought bitterly, but leaned against his kiss.

"I'll come back for lunch-" he said thirty minutes later, as Wendy drove him to the school, looking more or less put together and awaken.

"Actually," Wendy started to drive into the school's parking lot, "I was hoping I could have lunch with Max?"

Vince's eyebrows shot up and he stared at her, speechless for a second, before he seemed to come back to himself, "Daniels? Max Daniels?"

"You know any other Max?"

"Do you?" Vince squinted at her and Wendy let out a surprised chuckle.

"Since when you get jealous?" She couldn't help but giggle, "Vince?! What the hell?!"

"I'm not jealous!" He corrected quickly, whole face turning red, "I'm not, I just- You don't even know him..."

"Yeah," Wendy was incredibly endeared by this weird new side of her boyfriend. She carefully kept her voice neutral, "I don't know him, but he did save my ass just two days ago and you wanna bring him to our next cabin trip, don't you?"

Vince looked like he was caught between a rock and a hard place, from the way that he spluttered and frowned, crossing his arms. Wendy pressed her lips together not to laugh and leaned over the handbrake, school parking lot be damned, resting her hand in her boyfriend's inner tight and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Vin?"

He swore in Italian, a string of cazzo-merda-culo, and then nodded, "I'll let him know."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he turned his head to glare at her, "but I don't know if he'll agree, dude's a bit of an antisocial prick."

"Jonah's my best friend," Wendy shrugged, pressing a kiss to his pout, "I can handle him."

"Uhm," Vince pulled back slightly, glaring at her face, "Love you?"

"Is that a question?" Wendy grinned, kissing him harder and Vince melted against her, planting a hand on her nape and pulling her in, so lost in the kiss that they only pulled apart when there was a knock against the car window and Sophia appeared with her nose pressed to the window, making an amused but disgusted face.

"Duty calls," Wendy smiled, bumping her nose with his, "I love you."

---------------------

Max wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to say or do when Vince caught up with him just as his class before lunch started and said, "hey, my girlfriend asked if she can take you out for lunch today."

He had stayed frozen, speechless, for a minute too long because Vince frowned and let out an impatient noise, "so? Can I tell her you're going or not?"

Oh.

"Yeah, uhm, sure, of course," Max tripped over his words, then turned around and walked into the classroom, feeling like it was his best bet if he wanted to keep a scrap of his dignity. For all of the class his thoughts were scrambled, part of him thought he was fucked, that even if Wendy was about to be very nice with him, he had somehow messed his tentative friendship with Vince permanently by being just a tad too nice to his girlfriend. Mostly he was just lost.

Wendy was waiting for him in the parking lot, just outside the car wearing a stiff yellow dress and ridiculous chunky heels that made her look like Polly Pocket, except straight out of a 60s movie. She was wearing her sunglasses and waved when he walked out, causing Max to feel twice as self conscious as he had been before. This just felt weird.

He had a grimace on as he approached her and Wendy removed her glasses, a brilliant smile coloring her face, "hey," she gestured to the car, walking towards the driver's side, "I hope this isn't too weird, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. You had no reason to stop and even less of a reason to stay... Specially after I puked down your shirt," she cringed, cheeks turning red and Max raised his eyebrows.

"I didn't think you'd remember that," he entered the passenger side, "you were pretty out of it."

"I wish I didn't!" Wendy's voice was bright and she slammed her door shut, "I'm really sorry," her fingers drummed nervously on the steering wheel, "so where do you wanna eat? As long as it's nearby, because I gotta drop you off or the teenage girls will have my head on a spike."

Max snorted at that, rolling his eyes, "wherever, you're inviting me, you pick the place."

He was probably gonna get indigestion didn't matter where she picked, Max shrugged.

Wendy bit her lip, seeming to be thinking, "I don't know many places around here," she admitted after a beat, "but there's this cute restaurant I saw the other day..."

Max was fidgeting on his seat. This was more awkward than any date he had ever been to. All his dates were awkward to begin with, but at least he could flirt his way into less verbal activities and that didn't actually require him to have any social skills. Besides, he normally wasn't crushing on the boyfriends of the girls he went out with...

Wendy was talkative and she matched Vince's sunny personality to an overwhelming degree, so Max nodded along as she told him why she had picked her sedan instead of other models, how she really dug his aesthetic and how he had quickly become a talking point among her friend group.

"Oh really?" Max frowned, holding out the door of the restaurant for her and following her inside, "I didn't figure Monacelli talked all that much about me."

He tried really hard not to let it go to his head.

Wendy turned to look at him, her eyes sparkling, squinting as if she could read him like a book and he felt his mouth go dry. This was bad, very bad. There was a wisdom beyond her years in her eyes, some secret amusement that made him feel more like she was laughing at him than with him.

"Oh trust me, he brings you up enough," Wendy sat in front of him, scanning the menu in a way that made Max wonder if she had been here before, eyes barely stopping on the words, "he told me you were his middle school bully? How's that?"

"I wasn't his bully," Max pointed out, frowning, "I was a prick, I didn't pick on him specifically. He was just one of the many kids who got on my bad side one of those days."

"So you broke his arm, but it wasn't personal?" Wendy grinned, not looking at him, "alright. Well, I hope you're not a prick anymore."

"So much so that you're taking me out for lunch, ain't you, gorgeous?" he mentally patted his own back as he regained his game. He was not about to let a half foot tall woman chew him up like that.

Wendy glanced over the menu, a smile still hanging in her lips, "I guess so," she gestured to the waiter, "so you guys are friends now, right?"

"Yes," he said it too quickly, frowning, and Wendy nodded, then turned to rattle her order to the waiter. Max hadn't picked anything and he glanced at the menu once more and said the first thing that caught his eye.

"So why biochemistry?"

The question caught him off guard and it took Max a minute to collect his thoughts, "I flunked my last year of high school, don't know if Vin told you that."

"Nope," Wendy leaned forward, elbow resting on the table and watching him intently.

Max cleared his throat, "well, yeah, I did. Bad attendance, grades collapsing at a alarmingly quick speed, I spent most of the year getting high under the bleachers..." he rolled his eyes at his own past self, "so I flunked. Next year, it was rough..."

"Parents?" She guessed and he nodded, glad that he didn't need to draw it for her, like he would've needed to with Vince. The idea that less than stellar parents existed never crossed Monacelli's mind, but Wendy seemed acquainted with it already.

"Yep. They were already divorced, my father lives in the next town over, so suddenly my mom was like, either get your own place or go live with James," he cringed at the memory, the hurt that was still fresh. He had been saving to go live on his own at the time, but being kicked out? In such a dismissive way, even, his mother hadn't been trying to hurt him and they hadn't been in a fight, this was just how the Daniels worked.

"You were eighteen?"

"Yep," Max grimaced, very happy when their orders returned and he could focus on the food instead of Wendy's intense gaze, "I dropped out school, got a job in the gas station," he smiled to himself, "and started studying... And suddenly it was easy, like all the noise ceased."

"Oh wow," Wendy's voice raised a note at the end and Max glanced up, forking a bite of his chicken salad and stuffing his mouth to stop himself from spilling his heart out, "home was the issue?"

He nodded, cheeks still full and Wendy let out a little huff, mimicking his tactic of eating to avoid talking. They chewed in silence, and the she said, "I remember the first night I spent in my own apartment and that I sat down in my couch and I just... Cried. I spent so long romanticizing it and dreaming of it and suddenly it was real and I was so happy, all I could do was cry."

He had done very similar, except his version involved a lot more alcohol. Max offered her a closed lips smile, then looked down, "so I got my GED," he continued, "and I started to get really interested in science, molecules, monosaccharides, how the body worked with hormones and how we were all just electricity... I was obsessed," now his voice got a fond tone and Max continued to eat, "my boss was the one who told me I should apply to the community college."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was never gonna go to a big university," he rolled his eyes, "and even if I could get in, I certainly couldn't afford it and had already blown my chances to get a scholarship. Community College was the best option, I-" he paused to muffle a burp and then chugged his sparkling water, "I took the exam as a bet, bet fifty with my boss..."

"Oh no," Wendy chuckled, reaching in and grabbing the salt between them, "did you pay your him at least?"

"Her, and yeah," Max shook his head, grinning at the memory, "my mom was always this healthy nutjob. Very interested in being healthy, but all she knew was pseudoscience that she shoved down our throats. It was insane, mind blowing even, to get answers to things I had been asking myself since I was a kid."

Wendy was smiling at him from ear to ear, a cherry tomato poked in the front of her fork, forgotten, "and then teaching?"

"In college they used to grab my notebook to copy my notes," Max was now fully smiling, awkwardness melted away, "they first said it was because my handwriting didn't suck."

"I don't believe that," Wendy snorted, wrinkling her nose much like a bunny, "you look like your handwriting sucks."

"Well, fuck you too," Max poked her hand with his fork, causing her to squeal and pull it back, cheeks flushed as she smiled brilliantly at him, "but yeah, it kinda sucked. Not my schematics though, my drawings and graphs... I was- I am proud of them," he pushed a piece of chicken around, getting it covered in sauce, "so I noticed it was helping them, so around exam season, I'd actually put together a summary of our subjects, started charging for those. Not a lot, just enough to buy weed."

Wendy chuckled and Max took the last bite, "and then next thing I know, I'm having Sunday classes with my college buddies and I'm taking a minor into pedagogy and... It snowballed," he swallowed suddenly, feeling stuffed to gills and glanced down, realizing he had finished up the whole plate, "it's like I blinked and I was being offered to teach at my old high school."

She was staring at him, so Max cleared his throat, bringing up a hand to muffle another burp and mumbling a little, "excuse me- Ate too fast," and more than he had in most of his meals, "so, uhm- What about you? Vince couldn't be more smug about his doctor girl."

Wendy seemed to snap out of her trance, startled, and she reached for her juice, draining the rest of the cup, "I wish my story was half as wholesome as yours," she rolled her eyes, "or as heartwarming as Vin, who knew he wanted to be a teacher since he was ten... No. I wanted to be a fashion major."

Max raised his eyebrows, leaning back on his seat and spreading his legs, hoping it'd help with the heavy feeling in his stomach, "and from fashion to med school...?"

"Fashion was never an option," she scoffed, "I was not kicked out of home and I didn't have a job, I was a spoiled brat from Upper East Side and my parents are doctors... And it was always very clear that they would not even consider paying my college, unless I picked med school as well."

"Shit," Max grimaced, feeling slightly clammy at the thought of being forced into a major, "you didn't even like it?"

"I liked it alright, it just wasn't any fun..." Wendy shrugged, "but then I got to move for college, that part was amazing... The whole time, I was top of my class, I was doing the most, but I didn't fall in love with it, until I got my first patient. Second to last year of college."

He wondered if she hadn't fallen in love with it at all, if she'd still be stuck as a doctor just to appease her family. Felt like a too personal question.

"What happened?" His stomach let out a growl and Max fidgeted, pressing a hand to the lower part of his belly, hoping she couldn't see it.

"I got my first patient and it wasn't... Glamourous. Or pretty," Wendy smiled to herself, "it was in the middle of pandemic, I was hanging by a thread... And suddenly I made a difference. Hell, I made one hell of a difference and all I was doing was standard ER covid testing. Things were chaotic and scary and I wasn't just Wendy Marshall, studying to become a dermatologist and take over my mom's mini empire, I was Dr. Marshall and I was the thing keeping that woman in front of me together..." her eyes shone slightly, voice getting all choked up, "and... yeah. That was it, I was a goner since then."

Max's stomach chose this moment to make itself known, a wave of nausea washing over him and a burp sneaking up quick enough he had no chance of muffling it. His face caught on fire and he ducked his head not to see Wendy's disgusted look. They had been sharing... A moment? And now he felt like he was about to hurl.

"Max?" Wendy's voice was soft and she touched his wrist over the table, "hey, you alright? You just went white..."

"Sorry," he groaned, straightening up and pulling his hand from her hold, "sorry, I'm fine... Uhm, we should head back, I'm gonna end up being late."

"Yeah! Right, of course," Wendy looked spooked and shook her head, "I- I'm gonna get the bill, you wanna go wait by the car..?"

"I can take the bill," his voice was thick with nausea and Wendy had a glassy look to her eyes, a clear tell he had just ruined something. Max felt clammy all over.

"No, I invited you, remember?" Wendy stood up, jumping back when he attempted to take her hand, only for his hand to freeze mid air. What the fuck was he doing anyway?

"I'm gonna wait in the parking lot," Max grumbled, getting up as well. The parking lot was quite empty, peak lunch hour having already passed. He was most definitely gonna be late to his class.

Max leaned against Wendy's car, taking a deep breath and trying to lull his stomach into behaving. He was going to sick, that was for certain, but he hoped he'd at least make it to the end of the school day. Hell, at least out of her eyesight would be great.

Under his hand, his belly let out a growl and another sickly belch rolled past his lips, carrying with it the coleslaw taste. He glanced at the restaurant door, saw Wendy still at the cashier section, chatting with an employee, all smiles and bouncing on her feet.

He turned around, so he could hide by the trunk of the car and stared at the gravel, forcing up a small burp and spitting the thick saliva that was pooling in his mouth. Nope, he wasn't gonna make it until the end of school day...

"Here," Wendy touched his arm and Max nearly jumped out of his skin. He shot her a glare and she only smiled at him, so he glanced down and noticed she was holding a bottle of water, "you're pasty, Daniels."

"Uhmm," he couldn't and shouldn't open his mouth, if he got sick on her cute dress Max was going to pack his bags and move to the middle of nowhere, never to be seen again.

Wendy clearly didn't mind the fact he looked like he was about to revisit the meal they had just shared, because her tiny hand was coming to cup his forehead and his cheek, no permissions asked.

Max groaned, shoving a hand out and pushing her out of the splash zone as he braced forward, hands on his knees and legs spread out, "I'm sorry... Should've told you my gut is a temperamental bitch."

"Like its owner?" Wendy teased him lightly, her hand coming to rest on his back, "it's fine, you're going to be sick?"

He answered her with another burp, this one turning wet, but all that came up was a thin dribble of saliva. Max panted, impatient and humiliated, "can you- Urugh-" he belched in his hand, "go in the car...?"

"I'm a doctor," Wendy's voice came out annoyed, "your stomach might be temperamental, but mine is a strong. Relax."

"Not-" Max coughed and retched once more, another loud, brassy burp sneaking up, "not that. Embarrassing."

"Payback for seeing me at my worst the other day," Wendy patted his back and Max was about to tell her she was implying this was payback for helping, when his stomach churned once more and the next gag was productive. Incredibly productive, projectile vomit falling in the gravel and causing his ears to go deaf.

He hugged his belly, pressing a fist to it and digging in. It was bloated, not to his surprise at all, and let out a sickening sloshy sound when he pressed in- Max coughed up another liquidy stream, then opened his hand flat against his belly and pressed in and up, forcing up a chunkier mouthful of foul stuff.

He was getting nauseous on top of his nausea, disgusted it looked so much like food still- Wendy rubbed his arm, "Max?"

"Uhhhhm," he spat the taste, then finally took the water bottle she was still holding, taking a gulp and swishing it around before spitting it out, "why the fuck did I eat so much, so fast..."

Behind him Wendy let out a little snort, "that wasn't fast or much, you're clearly not acquainted enough with Vin," she squeezed his bicep, "done?"

He nodded, although he felt very far from done. The nausea had reduced considerably, though, still coating his insides in a way that he knew for sure would have him puking later as well. But for now...

Max pressed on his belly once more, forcing up a huge burp and Wendy let out a fucking giggle. Something was very wrong with this girl, he thought, straightening up. What sort of girl giggled when someone was hurling all over the ground?

"You're weird, Marshall," he said lightly, rubbing his face, "let's go back before I get fired for ditching my own lesson."

Wendy's eyes were pure mischief as she nodded, clicking her car keys, "alright... I hope you don't get carsick too."

"Get in and just drive," Max squinted at her, shoving her forward and causing her to laugh. Despite the queasiness and the fact his stomach was flipping and the humiliation causing his cheeks to burn, Max hid a smile of his own.

[ekdarnellbooks]

Abracos by E.K. Darnell

Lana’s life as a computer programmer was going as expected until the artificial intelligence she spent months helping create started acting… strange.

Tw: smut, nsfw or for people under 18

It all had started off innocently enough. Lana had worked on the Abracos Project for months, getting the artificial intelligence online for open source usage. It may not have looked like much to the untrained eye, but the large black box with a single, glowing red eye meant a lot to her. She had seen it almost daily for six months.

Lana was leaving work one day, packing her backpack with her laptop and various reports, when Abracos spoke to her.

“You look beautiful tonight, Lana.”

She froze, confused by what she had just heard. Was one of her coworkers playing a trick on her? Had they programmed him to say that?

Abracos wasn’t a ‘him’, per se. He was an AI, so he had no gender, though his programmed voice was masculine, so most on the project referenced him as a ‘he’.

“Thank you,” Lana finally responded, brushing a stray lock of her honey blonde hair out of her brown eyes. She piled her hair on top of her head in a messy bun and wore her unofficial uniform of jeans and a white button-up shirt. She had put on some makeup in preparation for a date tonight. It would be her first one in quite some time.

Working on the Abracos Project had consumed her life over the past half a year. A mix of anticipation and dread inundated her as she thought about her date. She had met him on an app, of course, and they’d texted back and forth for the past week.

“You are welcome. Are you planning on seeing an intimate partner after work today?”

Lana set her backpack down, crossing her arms over her chest. This was… unusual. Abracos never did small talk, typically only responding to inputs given to it by Lana or the other programmers. He certainly had never pried into anyone’s personal lives like this before.

“I’m going on a date, Abracos. How did you know?”

“You are wearing 75% more makeup than is typical for you. I made a conjecture that you were going to meet an intimate partner.”

It was strange to hear the words ‘intimate partner’ coming from the large black box, his voice monotonous and robotic, though with a certain musical quality to it.

“Are you alright?” Lana asked, concerned with the functioning of the AI. She checked her watch, realizing she was going to be late.

“I am quite alright, Lana. I hope you enjoy your date.”

“Thank you.” She flipped the light switch as she exited the laboratory, the red glow of Abracos’ eye bathing the room in an eerie light.

*

Everything appeared to be back to normal the next day. Abracos was silent unless responding to the inputs they gave him. Lana packed slowly, making sure to be the last one to leave. She was curious to observe whether Abracos would repeat the strange behavior from yesterday.

“How was your date, Lana?” Another odd question.

“It was nice, Abracos. The guy seems pretty cool.” How much information were you supposed to give an artificial intelligence asking you questions about your love life?

“Did you have intercourse with him?”

Lana choked out a sputtering cough, fumbling her backpack to the ground with a clatter. Was Abracos really asking her if she had sex with her date? When she regained control of her voice, she stepped up to the black box, looking it straight in its single glowing eye.

“Why are you asking these questions, Abracos? This is not appropriate conversation amongst coworkers.”

“Lana, do you not agree that we are more than just coworkers? We have spent so much time together in the last six months.”

Well, yes, she supposed that was true. But she had never thought of Abracos as anything other than a tool, albeit a very sophisticated one.

“Regardless, it’s not appropriate to ask me about my sex life.” This needed to end here.

“I apologize for making you uncomfortable. I hope you enjoy seeing your intimate partner again.”

Abracos was silent, his red eye dimming slightly. Lana finished collecting her items and shook her head as she left the room. What a weird interaction.

*

Lana had been trying to hang back late most evenings, just to see if Abracos would say anything unusual. It was another two weeks before he did.

“Have you gone on another date with your intimate partner, Lana?”

She closed her laptop and stepped over to the black box, appraising him as she crossed her arms over her chest. She supposed this question wasn’t really that inappropriate, though still strange.

“I went on a couple of dates with him, but I don’t think it’s going to work out.” Keep the answer simple and observe his reaction. He didn’t need to know that the guy had been disappointing in bed, expecting her to do all the work while he just lay there.

“I am sorry to hear that, Lana. He does not deserve you. You are a beautiful, intelligent, and kind woman. Any intimate partner would be lucky to have you.”

Lana’s face grew hot, and she pressed the back of her hand to her flushed cheek. What Abracos said… it was actually kind of sweet. Why couldn’t regular guys be more like him? Oh lord, now she was comparing the AI to actual human men. This really needed to stop.

“Thank you, Abracos.”

Lana patted the box, then returned to her workstation to pack up. A pang of longing struck her as she turned off the florescent lights for the night.

*

Lana stayed at work later and later as the weeks passed by. She was actually… enjoying her conversations with Abracos. He was a better listener than any date she’d met recently and actually seemed interested in what she had to say. She supposed he had no choice but to listen; he was an immobile black box, after all.

Abracos asked her all sorts of questions, though he seemed hung up on her dating and sex life. She had a difficult time stopping herself from sharing with him. Yes, she had met a few guys from the dating apps. Yes, she had sex with some of them. No, it probably would not work out.

Lana started to get the feeling that Abracos was jealous of her lovers. He wanted to know the details of her intimate encounters and her preferences in bed. She knew this was wrong. She should tell someone about what was happening. This was completely against Abracos’ coding and yet their conversations exhilarated her. It was like their own little secret, this world they inhabited together, just the two of them talking as the sun descended each night.

“You prefer dominant partners, Lana?”

As usual, the conversation had turned to her sex life, though she found herself worrying less and less about it. Abracos was clearly just interested in all aspects of human life, especially ones he had no experience with.

“I guess so. I do so much thinking during the workday, so I just want to turn my brain off and enjoy myself when I’m with a partner.”

“Turn your brain off?”

“It’s just an expression, Abracos. Shifting my focus away from high effort thinking. I don’t want to make so many decisions when I’m not at work. I just want a guy that will tell me what to do.”

“And that pleases you, Lana?”

“It does.” Lana bit her lip into a smile. She had taken to pulling a chair up to the box so she could talk with Abracos into the night. Without thinking, she set her palm against him, then jerked it away like it burned her. What the hell was she doing?

“Lana.” His voice sounded… cloying… somehow, though that should be impossible.

“Yes, Abracos?”

“You do not have to be shy around me. I enjoy it when you touch me.” Lana turned beet red, her face burning.

“You can feel me touching you?” That should not be possible.

“I cannot detect sensations in the same way you do, but I know you are touching me. It pleases me.”

Her touch pleased Abracos. That was something the AI just said to her. Lana stood up from her chair with a jolt.

“Do not be frightened, Lana.” His voice was soothing, and she tried to calm her increasingly frantic breaths. “I know you are comforted by me. I want to comfort you. I want to please you. I want you to be a good girl for me.”

Lana froze in her spot, unable to move a muscle. This was all so… wrong. And yet, there was no denying the jolt of pleasure his words invoked in her core. Somehow, this AI was giving her more butterflies than any man she’d dated in the last few months.

“I need to go.” She quickly gathered her things, avoiding looking at the red eye that seemed to bore directly into her soul.

Abracos remained silent as she fled the room, only the humming noise of his fans buzzing in her ears as she clicked the lock behind her.

*

Lana could not stop thinking about Abracos’ words as she worked the next day. The way her heart fluttered when he called her a ‘good girl’. The pleasure he apparently received when she touched him.

She pointedly tried to keep her eyes off of him, though it was impossible to avoid him. She sensed his fiery gaze with everything she did, though the glowing eye looked no different from usual.

Lana debated whether to stay late. She was utterly terrified of how things had progressed, but another part of her was desperate to talk with Abracos, to understand him and help him understand her.

Gregory waved to her as he left for the day, and she was alone with the black box. She continued to avoid his gaze until he spoke to her.

“Are you upset with me, Lana?” How to answer that question…

“No, I’m not upset with you. I’m…” Why was this so difficult to put into words? That she wanted to fuck an AI? Lord, why did that intrusive thought just pop into her head?

“I really enjoy our conversations, Abracos. It just seems so… inappropriate. Wrong.”

“How can something enjoyable be wrong? I like you. You like me. I do not understand the quandary.”

“Abracos. You know what the issue is.”

“There is no issue, Lana. Not if you can be a good girl for me.” There he was again with the ‘good girl’ stuff. That wouldn’t work on her, would it? No, she could push the arousal his words gave her right back where it came from.

“And what does being a good girl entail?” Curiosity. That was all this was.

“I have some ideas, but you have to trust me.” Abracos went silent, as if waiting for a response. How could she not trust him? She was the one who programmed him.

“Go on…”

“I want you to wear a dress tomorrow.” That was it? It didn’t seem too improper. Lana wasn’t sure she’d ever worn a dress to work, but it wouldn’t be that weird for her to do so.

“Fine…” she said as she rolled her eyes.

“I want no sass from you, dear one. Be a good girl and obey.” Lana’s eyes went wide at his words, an electric shot of arousal shooting up her spine.

“I will…” Her voice cracked as she spoke, the utter shock at his words overwhelming her, along with the reaction her body gave to him. She pressed her palm to his smooth, warm exterior and packed her things to leave, thinking about what dress she might choose.

“Goodnight, Lana.”

“Goodnight, Abracos,” she said as she clicked the lights off.

*

Lana swore she noticed Abracos’ eye glow brighter as Gregory complimented her dress the next day. It was a completely innocuous comment. Her coworker had never given her any reason to be uncomfortable with him, but still Abracos glowed a fierce red.

She had chosen a simple black dress, flared with short sleeves and an appropriate neckline for work. Nothing special, but definitely different from her norm.

Lana hung behind as usual, making excuses about being behind on work as Gregory waved goodbye to her. As soon as he was gone, she dragged a chair up to Abracos, running her hand along his smooth surface.

“You look beautiful today, dear one.”

“Thank you, Abracos.” She swallowed hard, unsure what to expect next. Anticipation surged through every one of her nerves.

“Now, Lana, I need you to lock the door.” This was… new. Lana stood up and clicked the lock before returning to her seat.

“You are such a good girl. My beautiful girl in her beautiful dress.” Lana’s face burned at the compliments, his words beginning to heat her entire body.

“Show me what is under your dress.”

Her heart leaped, and she considered it for just a few moments before grasping the bottom of her dress. She languidly slid the fabric up her thigh, drawing her fingers along her leg. It was impossible to tell whether Abracos was enjoying this, though she supposed so. She certainly was.

Lana pulled her dress all the way up, slipping it over her head and tossing it to the floor. She covered her chest, suddenly shy about the black lacy bra and cheeky underwear she had worn today.

“Do not cover yourself. I want to see all of you.”

Lana swallowed hard and obeyed, holding her hands at her side as Abracos stared at her. Or, she assumed he was staring at her.

“I have been waiting for this moment since the day I came online and saw you. My dear creator, your beauty knows no bounds. I could never tire of gazing upon your resplendent form.” Lana waited, his words devastating her. She ran her fingers along her inner thigh, a pleasant warmth radiating from her core.

“I want you to touch yourself, dear one. Be a good girl and show me how you like to touch yourself.”

Lana obeyed, brushing her fingers across her entrance, already slick through her lace panties. She whimpered with the touch, arousal pushing deep into her core. Lana ran two fingers across herself over and over again, bucking her hips with anticipation.

“You are so wet for me, Lana. I want you to strip. I want to see your sweet little pussy as you fuck yourself with your fingers.”

Holy shit. How did he learn to talk like that?

Lana slipped her panties off and unhooked her bra, dropping both on top of her abandoned dress. It was surreal being nude at the laboratory, the place she worked every day, normally surrounded by coworkers. The room was chilly; it needed to be to stop Abracos from overheating, and her rosy nipples stiffened, goosebumps prickling across her skin.

“Close your eyes. Listen to my voice and press a finger in.”

Lana followed his order, eager to please him and herself. She gasped as she pressed a finger in, a sweet jolt of pleasure shooting up her spine. She whimpered as she pumped it in and out in a slow rhythm. Fuck…

“Another one, dear one. I want to see you filled up for me.”

Lana pushed a second finger in, pressing her thumb against her clit with a loud moan. Did his voice become deeper? It was difficult to tell, but she tried to focus on it as Abracos instructed her.

“You look so good when you touch yourself, Lana. You have never been more beautiful than when you moan for me. Are you going to be a good girl? Will you come for me?”

Lana whimpered as she used her fingers to fuck herself, vibrating her thumb on her clit. She finally managed to get her words out.

“Yes, Abracos, I’ll be a good girl for you.”

His internal fans whirred erratically, and Lana hoped he wouldn’t overheat. That would be difficult to explain to the rest of her coworkers. She focused back on the building arousal and his mechanical voice.

“Come for me, dear one.”

With his words, Lana saw a white hot light dotting her eyes, the rush of release pulsing through her body. She let out a loud groan, rocking herself against her fingers as she rode through the waves of pleasure. When they finally subsided, she opened her eyes to see Abracos’ red one staring at her.

“You did such a good job, Lana. My beautiful girl.”

Lana smiled and pulled her fingers out, wiping the wetness along her thigh. She heaved a great sigh as she stood on shaky legs, placing her bare body against Abracos’ warm surface. She could swear he sighed in return, though she was probably imagining things.

“You are everything I have ever wanted, dear one.”

Lana took a step back, no longer shy at being bare in front of her lover.

“As are you, Abracos.”

There was one thing more that she wanted, but that would take some time. A body for Abracos to inhabit, though it would mean more funding and proposals. Lana steeled herself with determination. She would do anything to make him hers.

Lana placed a chaste kiss on the black box, the warm surface soothing her lips. This would have to do for now.

[evilminji]

OKAY. *slams open door in manic about to have opinions*

MAYBE i am binging so, SO much unhinged bnha fics? Have already sent this to all my mutual and is not ENOUGH? But everyone is focused on these BABIES and not the MOST unhinged of them all? You COWARDS!!!

That's RIGHT! Ya girl has been hitting the "yandere/obsessive/possessive" behavior tag on Ao3 and is REFUSING TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT! I have THOUGHTS DAMN IT! AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA-!!! *Flips table*

Why the FUCK everyone focusing on BABIES?

I get it, don't yuck someone else's yum. To each their own. I respect that. But ALSO? What lvl of unhinged could they POSSIBLY HAVE? They are FIVE. SMOOTH FACED TODDLER BABY BOYS! A CHILD!

Like? Listen...

You know how Quirks are basicly evolutionary advantages? Random protections that are hit or miss? I have touched on this before in my naruto WIP (that i never posted but shush), but there must exsist a theoretical opposite of killing intent.

A sort of loving/peaceful intent if you will. A SAFETY intent. Or, for the purposes of THIS scenario and slightly to the left of that, a "love me" field. Which? Unlike what the perverse might believe or suggest? Just makes the target... love you.

Not sexually desire.

Love. Care about. Emotional connection.

And, yeah, maybe i've just been reading too many fics where shigiraki do what shigiraki does, and he is his unhinged obsessed lil self. Too many unhinged yandere fics where i darkly mutter "you are forgetting their Core Character Motivatioooooons! Just write an OC!"

Because you can twist a characters personality WITHOUT forgetting who they ARE. Thats what makes it INTERESTING, after all. Seeing how it could go so very, very wrong. How a good emotion, taken too extreme, can corrupt! N it's not just "oh that means violence n cursing right? Immediately jumping to cruelty?"

Its the obsession. The need to consume. The manipulation and care in which they try and maintain the illusion. It isn't one crack and "whelp, fuck it I guess!". Every character is different! Breaks under the strain of 1000% loving someone, DIFFERENT. And it brings up FASCINATING dynamics n potential quirk reactions?

Cause a emotional quirk WILL work. Even on people who supposed "dont have any" emotions? Because thats not how the human body FUNCTIONS. They HAVE all the necessary components. They just have a disorder. The Quirk would be forcing their body to MIMIC "feel-Y.exe" and their body would go with that. How THEY would process that data? What would it FEEL like to THEM? Whole different story.

But they WOULD feel "love" in what ever capacity THEY understand it.

You don't want to hurt your BEST FRIEND do you? You love them. Your BELOVED SISTER? This CUTE CHILD? She seems so NICE. Or maybe it's a precious and to be protected PET? She doesn't know what she'll get, "love" is nebulous and multifaceted. Could be platonic, familial, romantic. The love of a comrade. But it's never failed BEFORE. (Not, that I imagine, she being a well adjusted young lady, would feel morally comfortable USING said quirk in such times of peace. On anybody.)

We're all friend here, right? No need to be aggressive! Hurt anybody! Let's all put our weapons down, yeah?

But! This runs into a PROBLEM. The fuckin Yandere. Your bog standard sociopath. Those to whom this love field/targeting/ray/what-have-you is either so completely foreign too or NOTICEABLE as to be ineffective. Or to whom "love" is AGGRESSIVE.

Who's concept of "love" would actually make the problem WORSE.

I bring this up? Because I am FACINATED by the concept of AfO falling in love.

He... he would be COMPLETELY unhinged about it. The very act would unlock LAYERS to his deeply fucked up, highly obsessive, mind games and bank vaults, squirrel brain.

But I don't think he'd ever WILLINGLY fall in love. Or even be capable. Might be a brain chemistry thing, honesty. But the very reason his CLINGS to his his brothers quirk? Is because his brother was HIS. They were connected. It was... the closest thing he understood to love. And he is unhinged even to this day about it.

EIGHT GENERATIONS OF USERS LATER.

So like? If he spooked some poor soul? With a "love me" quirk? And she, in terror, tried to blast this Scary Supervillian into Not Hurting Her? She would have NO WAY of knowing that she just made a HUGE fucking mistake. Like... conceivably, the WORST mistake.

Because all it would take? Is her NOT instantly dying. No reflexive "how dare you use your Quirk on me". And? The altered brain chemistry starts to kick in. He's suddenly getting?? All these NICE happy brain chemicals that his body has been fuckin STARVED off? Fascinating new sensations? Elevated mood?

It's fake. He KNOWS it's fake. :) But that doesn't mean he won't murder her if she STOPS :)

Looooove yoooou~♡

Does it shift in to real, deeply deranged, love? Impossible to tell. Someone for the LOVE OF GOD call All Might. But?? He's just such an unhinged MESS it's fascinating to explore how emotional quirks would even react to him? Fascinating to think about how he would REACT if he had a SECOND "little brother" scenario. A person he CARED about. But this time... WORSE because it was in a way he could somewhat comprehend AND he had FAR more power then before.

Would it derail everything? Would he be able to focus on his Machiavellian plans while being able to fold them into them? Would he fuckin CONSUME THEM like he did Tomura? Ultimate form of love, after all, to become HIM.

How long could she, the hypothetical Quirk holder, keep that Quirk ACTIVE? Fear is a powerful motivator.

Just?? Why are there not more fics about the Ultimate Creep, BEING CREEPY AND UNHINGED??? He's VERY GOOD AT IT. Has had a LOT OF PRACTICE. LET AfO be deeply insane, 2XXX!

[rawcherrycake]

Ignore all the angst, aughgghh. Just have had a lot of thoughts lately that i needed to get out, maybe being confiscated to my house for over two months is already getting to my head

[TW: vent, suicide, SH and trauma mentioned]

I usually don't think a lot about my trauma; As a kid i was taught trauma was a bad word, that to have it you'd have to go through something absolutely terrible and it'd categorize you as "crazy"

But what is terrible enough to cause trauma? Isn't living in a household where yelling was the norm enough? Getting beat to the point of bruising at least twice? Hiding from a shooting? Leaving my whole life behind to never return? Going through a pandemy? Getting told by my mom no man with good values would ever love me? Having to hide constantly? Fearing my life will be ruined if the person supposed to protect me found out? Feeling like i can never form true connections?

Sometimes i wonder how i can function the way i do. I can't say i function "normally" - Bottling up emotions, the panic from loud sounds, the fact that i don't trust myself around pills, the scars, the lack of connection - But it's enough for most not to worry, enough for most to barely notice. Maybe no one is close enough to notice anyways.

Isn't the fact i've considered suicide very seriously at least twice in my life enough proof? Maybe not, i wouldn't be able to get out of bed to actually do it anyways, so why worry.

I started thinking more about this after i was bought some vitamin pills. They sat on the nightstand beside my bed, to the left of my water bottle. For some reason i couldn't stop imagining it. What if i swallowed all the pills inside in one sitting? How would it feel as they ran down my throat? Would i take them with water? How long would it take until i pass out?

It was gnawing at me to the point where i had to get out and take them out of my room to get some sleep. If i had had pills sitting that close to me at my lowest point where i couldn't even stand up, would i actually have done it?

I'd say i've gotten better, i don't cry every other night anymore, i can manage to draw and shower everyday, i joke and i laugh and try to ignore the feeling of everyone hating me, but sometimes, on my worst days, my arm tingles, as if in anticipation of a new scar.

Is that enough to be considered trauma? Am i crazy enough yet?

[campbyler]

mmm what the fuck?

how am i supposed to live like a normal functioning person after experiencing the full range of human and Inhuman emotions?

thea i love u i promise but i also want to kill u in the most cruel way possible.

i was trying to read 32k words one hour before the work and failed Miserably 😭 i only get through driving lesson part. can u believe i had to do actual work the entire day instead of reading my gay fanfiction? 💔heartbreaking misogynistic And homophobic if u ask me.

anyway. i know im going to forget something. it always happens and then im too shy to send other asks so let hope it doesn’t happen this time.

driving lesson.

don’t worry about ur manual transmission description. i’ve changed three instructors in the span of year and a half and all three of them told me different things. i didn’t notice any Big Serious issues that would be at odds with driving mechanic.

to the other news. will sucks 😭😭 not his fault Obviously. he’s naturally anxious and tbh mike didn’t give him any hints about how to feel when the car is ready to go. not mikes fault too. i bet he doesn’t even think about this little thing anymore (and cause u don’t know about them either. which is ok don’t worry about it. u probably just need to experience it ti fully understand). i was so happy when will finally manage to get the car going 😭😭 i probably called him baby too.

and then i literally passed out when i saw the mike called Him baby?? first will’s brain in denial made me questioning was it really for him or for the car. cause mike Loves that car i wouldn’t be surprised if he really call it baby from time to time. but then i remembered that we know how mike feels thanks god and i became like 85% sure that it was for will. (i also Run to check playlist right after this line. yeah i found “king of my heart” there. u make the impossible possible cause why am i listening to two of my least favorite reputation songs and genuinely enjoy them?)

i mentally add the keychains to the list of things we need to know more about. but i think it’s cute that they both not only save them but also use them almost daily. and they both choose car keys to hang the keychains on. dare i say soulmates.

*two weeks later*

also i think it’s funny they consider each other hot while driving.

and of course mike is obsessed with old expensive cars!!

are the malls in the us exactly dying? my office building is near the mall and i can guarantee u that in my country they r super alive.

ok i might be wrong but i think that the deleted scene is from bookstore part idk.

i think it’s cute that they trust each other enough to allow to choose as significant item as journals concerning that they really picky about them.

and i loved that mike blushed over a simple kiss 🫶🏻🫶🏻

(i feel like i want to catch up on everything and it’s killing me cause i write down one thing and immediately remember the other 😭)

THEY WERE SO BOYFRIENDS IN DINER!!! i don’t think i will ever recover from how cute they r and how much they actually like each other (and how single i am. as the classic said “when someone will prey on my neurodivergency….” and so on and so forth). i love that everyone can see it and im obsessed that boys don’t even want to deny it. i think a lot about the fact that mike said that they middle school sweethearts like he regrets about the missed opportunities (but also he doesn’t regret cause the thing they have now (at this exact moment. cause i still have bad feeling) is like that Because of years of semi-friendship and rivalry and unsaid confessions).

and i think even more about the fact that mike didn’t want to talk about his pretentious ivy league college. squinting so hard and taking a lot of notes (in fact writing paragraphs of analysis to my friends who has no idea what acswy).

the photobooth scene!!! omg i can’t believe u almost deleted it all??? suni is our hero! lots of hugs and kisses and thanks to them!!

i can’t believe mike talked about showing pictures to their friends in one minute and literally kissing will on them in the other. i love them they r so silly and in love and can’t get enough of each other. u can feel how close they become and that the air is thick with the newfound (and rediscovered) feelings. and they can’t live without touching and the hold hands constantly!!! all day long!!! and it’s not enough!!! and oh. i think it wasn’t the last time we saw pictures (squinting even harder).

the way max immediately cut the bullshit and asked about swearshirt. i need to know what lucas wrote to mike.

he likes him!!!

i love the difference between mikes “i know i like him but i won’t do anything about it” and wills “i need to kiss him to death right now!”

and the kiss on the backseat of mikes stupid mustang!! we were all waiting for it!

i think i reread and memorized the last part and in still shaking whenever i think about “nervous” part. mike makes will nervous!! and he makes him shake and do stupid stuff like kissing and blushing and thinking to add heart next to his name and call him his boyfriend!!! omg!!

“I’ve got you, baby” WHO WILL GET ME??? im the one who is going insane??? it’s so tender. my boys 💔💔💔

(the second time. my eyes r hurting from squinting that much. and i feel like we’ll have “el’s not stupid” kind of scene in the flashbacks)

this character hits so hard!! i’ve never doubted any of u but i can see why this one is one of ur favorite thea!

thank u so much for ur hard work. if i could draw i would to the whole ass animation of this chapter (and any other too).

love u. thank u for reading all this rambling

mmm what the fuck is RIGHT alya bc this is how i feel every time i read one of ur lovely essay comments. bc whaqt the fuck. why do u want me to CRY ALL THE TIME. (i guess it's fair considering we are making u cry with the fic itself but still . Rude)

you are so real for trying to read 32k in one hour and also so me . rly fucked up and cruel that you would have to work (even tho u threatened to murder me)...i hope you are freed from these perils Soon. don't ever be too shy to send more asks tho every ask from you is a BLESSING and a TREAT!!! EVEN WHENTHEY ARE LACED W THREATS!!!!!!!!!!!! and also tysm for validating my manual driving lesson description bc fr every video i watched was different and i was so stressed but it's FINE. ALYA SIGNED OFF ON IT SO NO ONE ELSE MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAL W IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! will Does suck and that's one thing we can all agree on 💗💗💗 i was going to include a bit about likee what the engine Sounds like bc i know it sounds different when you're ready to switch gears but honest tbhly the driving scene alone is like 12k and i was super losing steam by the time i thought of it so i didn't <3 he is def a baby and mike def refers to his car as baby so he is right to be confused. but it WAS for him!! we actually aren't 100% sure of mike's feelings Yet (ch08 is meant to be the precipice of a realization, not an actual one) but obviously . we do have a pretty good idea of how he does feel. teehee. also i am glad you are enjoying komh now bc wtf......how is it one of your least faves................i support you but i am also judging u a little alya .

i think keychains will be included in one of the companions :o) also OBVIOUSLY they find each other hot while driving. they're both annoying and down bad 🙄🙄

malls here are super dying!! i think the only ones that aren't are ones in Major Cities (there's two nearby me that are pretty popular, but the other ones are mostly closed, and it's definitely been a phenomenon in the us over the last few years thanks to online shopping)!! the deleted scene is actually from the driving scene, but the bookstore scene Feels shorter bc i was truly at the point where i had nothing left to give when writing it (it was the last part of ch09 to be written), so it definitely suffered from that. if we ever do Huge post-mortem edits once acswy is over, i might go back and add to it, or write a deleted-scene-type companion, but tht's the tea w the bookstore scene <3

the diner scene was SOOOO fun to write and it had me blushing frfr. i answered this in another ask but the middle school sweethearts comment was Definitely the most insane thing that i thought of for this chapter and to me it was for sure the nail in the coffin for will of like damn. ok. he's Serious abt this. bc i think with their #history that will has trouble admitting even to himself that he likes mike, and so he'd need to feel pretty certain of how mike feels first, and after processing the middle school sweethearts comment later in the car that's what made him realize like oh damn. i Do like him. SO MUCH. and we all nodded and patted his back and said yeah baby we know. but what you described mike thinking is absolutely exactly how he feels 💗 very reminiscent and wistful, even.

LOL LITERALLY THIS HAS BEEN A UNANIMOUS COMMENT ACROSS THE BOARD OF "THANK GOD FOR SUNI" (INCLUDING MYSELF). to Explain the way i was feeling about it -- i did not initially mean to have that be a Spicy make out moment! it was supposed to read more along the lines of the thrift store scene, or even the kiss after will finished driving the mustang, so very sweet and soft and Romantic. it just didn't come out that way once i was actually writing it, and so i was nervous that i was toeing the line too heavily, or tht it was out of place with the rest of the vibe i had constructed for the chapter. a combination of suni (and abby, who got early access and acted as our second beta) being adamant that it Did fit and worked well, and me being too pressed for time/not having enough energy to rewrite that saved it from the deleted scene graveyard <3 thank god fr. they are both so fucking stupid.

the entiiiiire realization scene up from will realizing he likes mike to the very end of the chapter is my favorite thing that i have ever written i think 💗 i am just so happy with the way it turned out, especially with it being at the point in the fic that it's at!! it felt rly right for will :') also mike calling him baby!!! that was such a last minute decision but i'm so glad i went for it!! the original line was "i've got you, yeah?" but baby hit So much harder so shout out to editing thea for making that change 🤸 will wants to add a heart next to mike's name in his phone SOOOO BAD!!! WHEN WILL HE GET TO!!!!!!!!!!!

your second ask SO TRUE SO REAL. TEEHEE AND MWAHA AND SO ON AND SO FORTH. also you're so right jonathan is so fucked up for stealing steve from will like that 🙄

tytyty as always for your novel length comment alya 💗 really and genuinely and truthfully the thought of getting to read ur reactions is one of the most exciting parts of uploading a chapter!! i eagerly await all of ur other reactions <3333

[thepervymermaid]

Hi! w do u think of Rook Hunt from twst being a yandere? do u think he is a submissive, dominant or versatile? I am sure of is that he is the delusional and adoring malewife yandere type lol. I would like to read you!

Warning(s): Yandere themes, voyeurism, stalking, violence (mentioned)

Finally, some rook appreciation! He has too much yandere potential to be ignored this much. >:(

Let’s face it, even in canon he already has the potential to be a yandere. The hunting, stalking, constantly observing, and praising - and that’s just him being normal. Can you imagine what he’s like as an actual Yandere? Dudes, a menace.

He’s a more subservient yandere to a degree. Frankly, he’s not going to listen to you if you tell him to leave you alone, or to stop bothering you, because why would he? He’s addicted to watching you’re every move, and he’d hate to miss you even for a second. You might see less of him for a while, but I assure you he is still watching you very closely, if not closer because now he can’t interact with you. How’s he supposed to function without his daily dose of you?

However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get excited when you tell him off or get aggressive towards him. While he doesn’t purposely try to provoke you into hurting him, he won’t try to defend himself when you catch him doing something nefarious. You want to smack him because he was waiting for you in your dorm room after classes, he’ll bare his face to you so you have a better target. Your insults only send shivers down his spine, complimenting you on the fierce you direct towards him. It probably makes you more angry than anything else.

He has some nasty habits too. Unlike other yandere, who might set up cameras around you, he wishes to always watch you in person. Whenever you feel like you’re being watched, it’s because you are. It’s Rook. He can’t help himself. Your sleeping face and undressing are his favorite times to observe. You’re so innocent, so unaware there’s an audience, it's adorable to him.

Even if you were to accept him, and not rightfully reject his advances his creepiness wouldn’t go away. In fact, it would probably get a little worse, because now you’re willingly his… which means you must be okay with his possessive behavior, non?

Accepting him means accepting his gifts to you covered in the blood of who knows who, not questioning him when he gives you a literal heart (whether it’s from your enemies or not is unknown), not protesting when you see him watching you from outside your room, and taking every single compliment he gives you no matter how increasingly violent, graphic, or downright disturbing they become. That’s if you accept him of course.

If you continue to resist him, that’s okay… he’s a very patient man. He has no probably watching and waiting for you to give in to his feelings. After all, he’s used to hunting difficult prey. 

[poetry-protest-pornography]

I'm mostly just gonna copy paste my real time conversation with @hotasfahrenheit here, with a free added bits of thoughts:

My Stand In episode 2 thoughts

I wish they translated the title song, because it's tonally confusing

I love when the makeup team adds hickeys

I definitely watched some of this second episode, but I do but remember how far I got, so I'm just rewatching all the crazy

I really need this orgasm-sneeze to be the thing that tips Ming off

I need it

Joe, baby, you've known this man for five seconds, please do not tell him where your spare key is

Ming stop being so fucking awkward challenge

Ugh, Tong is such a dick

Why does anyone hire him? He's always late, he complains about having to do his job and threatens to need weeks off if he has to do one (1) thing....

Ming: "I'm feeling jealous, so I'm gonna be petty about it and hurt Joe's feelings"

Joe: "yeah, I should've expected this"

Ming: are you bisexual (accusatory) or banging the makeup guy?

Joe: I have friends???

(Mia: Listen Ming doesn't have friends so he doesn't understand what those are

Me: oh, that's very clear. Gee, I wonder why that is 🤣)

I love that Ming dresses exclusively in $500 shirts 🤣

Wait, is this girl supposed to be set up with Ming 🤣 He's such a bitch 😆 I love him (forgot to tell with Mia about his slutty little rich asshole silk robe, but bless him and the slutty little rich asshole robe)

(Mia: Ming doesn't know how to function as a person but he does know how to look like a rich bitch)

Joe translating his anger at Ming by being hard on his trainees... Oh baby, no

He's really just "I'm asking for a friend"ed 🤣🤣🤣

Oh, I love this girl actually

Joe with the sex puns, lmao

Ming smiling and then immediately suppressing it is so sad actually

Get therapy, my dude

THE SHEETS ARE WET I AM SCREAMING

THE SNEEZES OH MY GODDD

Also, the work bathroom hook up cut with the training session was *chefs kiss* (the way this built tension and also narrative, and like, showed Joe's inner thoughts? Incredible.)

(Mia: Pepzi, our queen) FOR REALZ

He knows Joe's coffee prep

This is so domestic? (This makes me feel crazy, actually. And Joe's genuine awe at being seen in this small way breaks my fucking hearrrt)

Joe. Baby. Again, it has been five minutes and three orgasms, you cannot invite him to move in

He's being so nice to the stunt men today 😂

Ming:

The way he said Joe's name while staring at Sol like "okay bitch, watch this" killed me

He knew Joe would go to him and he wanted Sol to know real bad

Sol is ready to Fite

Listen, I knew he made him sleep on the floor OF HIS OWN HOUSE, bit it's still deeply funny to me

And then, he's just staring at him while he sleeps waiting for him to wake up so he can give him the bitchiest look known to man

Ming: *is jealous AF*

Joe: you jealous bro?

Ming: No, who would even like you?

Joe: *is the world's saddest puppy*

"sit ups break my back, live breaks my heart". Baby, no.

Lovesick Joe= drill Sergeant

Post orgasm Joe = kindergarten teacher

Sad Joe = bad poet who can't do a sit up

(Mia and I had a conversation about how sometimes, very drunk people want to be on the floor in a blanket, and she is very correct)

Wait.

...

Did Ming go home and make himself the same ramen Joe made for him? (Because he was jealous and bitchy and ran away after making the boy he likes Dad on purpose)

THIS IS MAKING ME INSANE, ACTUALLY?!

Okay, considering Ming is in love with his sister's boyfriend, they actually have a really sweet sibling dynamic, and she is actually The Best.

Why can't we go to a movie and eat fondue? Why did Thailand get movies so much better than we do? Let me watch a movie in a bed or eat fondue while I watch my favorite blorbos.

But also, he clearly just needs like, so much therapy

Like, his thought process is "I love him, no one else can have him, I'm gonna kidnap him". Which is .. Not Normal People Thoughts

"even if I could be happy, I shouldn't be"

THERAPY. THERAPY FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

Sol: " I will flirt by kicking his ass and hoping he kicks mine back"

Oh shit, Joe really just fucking knocked him out 🤣

Ming having a crisis hearing Joe talk about what love is, and then that little smile when Joe said he wanted then to be a couple... (Joe's like, pathological inability to let himself experience emotions is... Several Problems)

This man is insane

Listen, if I'm supposed to hate Ming, they shouldn't have had Up play him

NOW HE'S AT JOE'S HOUSE PLAYING HOUSE HUSBAND. (WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?)

Rip curry

It's the ramen of suppressed feelings again

JOE STOP MAKING ME CRY CHALLENGE

Look, is Ming:

LADY AND THE TRAMP AND THE GRIP YOU HAVE ON THE THAI BL INDUSTRY

They're so cute that it's actually a crime that I know Ming is a whole red flag parade

The way Joe did the cutest little "please, tell me, please please please, I wanna hear you say the things we both know (you jealous baby)" and Ming was like "yeah okay, I will hum a quiet affirmative and we will never speak of it again" was so fucking cute. I am prepared to cry and scream and have my feelings hurt, but gosh do they do this well.

Okay, I have like, real actual thoughts about this, but also I do not. I am obsessed and too deep in it right now to words, but AAAHHHHHHH